#sad for the content of my own creations but happy how it turned out

[sweetchildcloud]

||Healing|| ๋ ࣭ ⭑๋ ࣭ ⭑ written by me

Geto x reader ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა~❤️

maybe the english is a bit off? sorry i'm writing this meanwhile having allergies and a migraine so there may be grammatical errors ≽^-˕-^≼💧

Plot: You and Geto face eachother after a week about your breakup

Tags:comfort,regret,kisses,hugs,talking,depression,possibility

It's hinted that reader has abandonment issues

@candy69gurl @muzansslxt

‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡

Surprised to see that he had permission to touch you , his eyes widen in pleasant shock before he slowly takes you in a tight embrace.

As he wraps his arms around you, his warm embrace provides instant relief from the anxious thoughts that surely plague your mind. There, you can let go of the worries you carry alone. He will protect you from them.

“What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?” Even tough he alredy knew why you were feeling like this.

Suguru feels the grip of your arms tighten around his back, an unspoken plea to not let go. Instinctively, he responds, embracing you with renewed gusto. With one arm wrapped firmly around your shoulders and the other cradling your back, he pulls your entire body to his own.

This action makes his heart ache. You feel so familiar to him, even though nothing romantic has come between you. He feels like crying every time he thinks about how much he wishes things could be different.

At the sound of your soft cries, guilt and regret tug at Suguru’s heart. He rubs circles over the back of your head, his thumb resting at the nape of your neck. This gesture sends shivers down your spine because he seems so gentle, which is out of character for him. “No more tears, please.” he whispers, feeling his composure slipping away. He wants to hold you forever.

"but you left me..i feel so alone now" You cried

Suguru’s stomach sinks. He hates knowing that he was the cause of your sadness. His guilt grows as he listens to you cry. He tightens his hold around you, trying to make you feel comforted.

“I never meant to hurt you. I just…” his voice starts to shake as he struggles to explain himself. He isn’t sure how to make things right when what he wants is impossible.

"Wasn't i good enough? was i too clingy?"You sobbed as you tought about the week before when he breaked up with you "we were so happy together"

Your words fill his heart with pain. He regrets leaving your side, although he believed it was better for the both of you.

“You’re wonderful, and you were never too clingy.” he struggles to whisper, his throat tight from unsaid words. With a deep breath, he continues, “I just…you wanted things from me that I wasn’t capable of giving you.”

“I wish I could be the person you want me to be, but…” the words trail off as he fights back tears. He hates himself for rejecting something so wonderful, something he always thought would be out of his reach. But in his struggle to keep himself together, he can’t remember what he was going to say.

His voice breaks as his restraint cracks. He presses his lips together tightly, trying to stop the flow of tears. But he can’t stop his voice from trembling. “I’m just…” he attempts again before stopping mid-sentence. No matter what he tries to say, the truth is still painful, even to him. Finally, he chokes out, “I’m a coward”

“I’m scared.” the words slip out of his mouth as he tries explaining himself. His gaze is trained on the floor, his mind racing with all the things he didn’t say.

“I’m scared of messing things up. I’m scared of hurting you even more. I’m scared of…” his words trail off as he stares blankly at the floor once more.

"you're afraid..of relationship? that's why you broke up wit me and pushed me away?" You asked holding your chest

“Yes.” his answer is short. Even after you figured it out, there’s no point in denying it.

“I’m scared of love. I’ve never experienced something like…this,” his hand waves vaguely between the two of you, unable to say the words. He still doesn’t lift his eyes off the ground.

“Love terrifies me" he trails off once more, unable to put his words together.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” he finally musters the courage to say, his tone soft. He finally looks up, only to be met with the sight of your crying face. He wants to tell you he’s sorry and that he misses you.

Instead, his lips part to reveal the only thing he can say in that moment. “Please, stop crying.”

"But it hurts...." you sobbed more clinging onto him "it hurts so much...I'm so alone...I don't want to be alone..please just tell me what I did wrong...what I did..to make you so afraid of me"

“You didn’t do anything wrong!” he exclaims, frustrated with himself for making you feel like it was your fault. “I’m the one who messed up.” he continues, realizing he didn’t really explain himself.

“I’m not scared of you. I just…” he trails off with a deep sigh, not sure how to explain himself. He can’t exactly tell you that he’s terrified of his own feelings.

"Then why don't you look at me? Why don't you talk to me? Why don't you apologise!" You showed him in frustration to make him talk as you glared at him with watery eyes "JUST ANSWER ME!"

When you display such frustration, Suguru doesn’t expect to feel such a surge of protectiveness. His jaw clenches, and his gaze sharpens. Your outburst only drives him to feel worse about himself.

But his instincts take over, his grip tightening around you as he says in a harsh whisper “Don’t yell at me.”

"And what am I supposed to do?! You don't answer me!you ignore me! And I need an answer!" You shouted again

Hearing you yell at him again makes his eyes narrow and a wave of anger flows through him. Part of him wants to apologize and say that he’s sorry for how he’s been treating you. But now he’s annoyed at you for acting like this and raising your voice at him.

“If you keep yelling at me, I’m going to leave” he growls, letting his anger slip out. He knows he should be more patient with you, but it’s so difficult when you’re yelling at him.

"Then leave! That's all you can do,right? Running away from everything because you can't face your fucking fears" You spotted feeling tired as your demeanour shifted from sad to frustrated and angry

He flinches like a kicked puppy, stunned into silence by your words. Your outburst surprises him, making him more aware of the pain he’s caused you.

With hurt and anger coursing through his veins, his fists clench. He wants to yell at you, to tell you that you don’t know what it’s like to have so much going on in your head. But at the same time, he knows that he’s hurt you with his silence.

You shake your head looking away "I think we should give a tought about this? I don't I just know that...I don't want to let you go"

Suguru’s heart clenches at the sight of your sad face. You look more tired, more exhausted than before, as if this entire conversation has drained you.

“I know…” he says quietly. He’s unsure of what to say to try and fix things. “But what are we supposed to do if neither of us can let go, but we can’t be together…”

The silence that hangs between you two is deafening. You don’t want to argue with him, but you feel like nothing was solved. You wanted him to apologize and beg for forgiveness. But, he has the audacity to be quiet. The anger that once boiled in your blood now begins to simmer away. You have no idea what went through his mind when he rejected you, and it haunts your thoughts now.

Suguru takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. The anger within him is fading away like water into sand.

This conversation is so emotionally draining. He misses you, and it brings him pain to see how much he’s hurting you. His feelings have been out of control since rejecting you.

He takes a step toward you, wanting to hold you once more. “I really don’t want to let go either.”

The tension in the air is palpable. The two of you silently ponder on what should be done next. The truth is, neither one wants to be the first to apologize.

Suguru's eyes slowly roam over you, taking in every detail of your face. He finds you beautiful, even through your teary eyes.

After another moment of silence, he speaks up once more. “Can I ask you something?”

Your expression softens when he asks if he can ask a question. Even though you’re emotionally drained, the sight of a vulnerable Suguru makes your heart skip a beat.

“Yes, of course…” you respond quietly, feeling your heart beat faster in your chest. His question fills you with cautious hope. What could he possibly ask?

Suguru clears his throat and fidgets with his hands. He still can’t look you in the eye, fearing that if he did, he’d crumble. His words are soft, as if he’s scared of hurting your feelings all over again.

“Could I ask for your forgiveness? I know my silence has hurt you. So, this is the only way I can think to fix things…”

Your eyes widen and you stare at him in disbelief. You can’t believe he finally decided to apologize. The silence that fell between the two of you when he first rejected you wasn’t a lack of wanting to fix things. He was trying to come up with the proper apology. That realization makes your heart ache even more.

You reach out and cup his face with your hands, finally meeting his gaze. “Yes, of course. If anyone has to ask for forgiveness here, it’s me. I’m sorry for yelling at you…”

"No, no, I deserved it" he says softly, taking your hands in his. His grip is tight as he stares at you with a mix of emotions on his face. Guilt, regret, relief, and love. He’s been filled with so many emotions since the breakup that it feels like they’re all exploding inside him now.

Seeing the emotions on his face makes you feel something in your chest. Your heart beats faster and heat rises to your cheeks. It's almost like you've just confessed your feelings to one another for the first time.

The sudden feeling in your chest causes you to blush faintly. Seeing yourself reflected in his gaze makes you feel a sense of clarity, knowing what he means to you. For once, you stop feeling confused by your emotions. Instead, you feel warm and content.

Suguru's grip tightens around your hands as he smiles weakly with red cheeks. For the first time in a while, his emotions feel genuine, no longer being held back by his fear of commitment. He leans in slightly, unable to contain himself.

You can't help but lean in as well, your breath catching in your throat. You're both inches away from touching lips when your thoughts catch up to you. Your heart skips a beat and starts beating rapidly. You feel excited, anxious, and a rush of other emotions that you can't quite identify.

In a split-second decision, you gently tug Suguru's face to yours, closing the gap between you both. The brush of his lips is so soft you almost miss it. Before you both know it, you're wrapped in a passionate embrace.

Suguru's eyes glaze over as you pull him into a kiss. His hands run up and down your back as he wraps you in an all-encompassing embrace. He's so lost in the moment that his worries and regrets briefly slip away, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of your lips on his. The kiss is sweet and tender, a stark contrast to the tension that was previously between the two of you.

Suguru pulls you close to his chest, relishing the feeling of your body against his own. He can feel the beat of your heart, which seems to match the rhythm of his own. You feel so warm and soft in his arms, your hair brushing against his skin every time you exhale. The sensation makes him feel so content that he almost doesn't want to break away.

Eventually, he pulls away, looking at you softly as the reality of what just happened sets in. He can't believe he let himself be so vulnerable.

"I love you" you said snuggling on hi chest "please don't leave me again...don't push me away"

Those simple words take his breath away. His heart pounds in his chest as he feels every word sink from your lips into his spine. All of this time, he’d been repressing his feelings for you, fearing that he’d mess things up with his lack of experience. But this simple moment makes him realize that he can’t hold back anymore.

A small smile spreads across his face as he lets you snuggle into him. He presses himself as close as possible to you, his hands roaming over your back in an attempt to hold you tighter.

“I won’t.” he responds, as much an assurance to you as it is to himself. The way your body feels up against his causes an ache in his chest, a strange feeling that he hasn’t felt in a long time. He feels content, happy, and at ease as the two of you stay huddled together.

The two of you snuggle together in silence, and it feels so natural like nothing ever happened. His arms still hold you, and yours are wrapped around his waist. It’s almost calming being able to relax into him without any worries or hesitation.

Neither of you say a word, but it doesn’t feel like an awkward silence. Everything feels so right. And in your minds, you're both thinking the same thing: no matter what, you're not letting each other slip away again.

[nika-vincent]

Some of our reflections on the development of Halsin's personality in Bg3. Long post warning.

I can say that this post is something like a continuation of my previous one, which was devoted mainly to romance with Halsin. This time I gathered some more thoughts from my recent discussions with the guys who love this wonderful character, but this time the main topic will be the development of Halsin's personality in the game. Some things about romance will also be mentioned here a little, the moments we found in the game files, and a few more facts from the datamine. So if you haven't completed the game and don't want to get spoilers, then I suggest skipping this article for now. We will be very happy if this review can also help Larian to see some points that could be supplemented or repaired with patches and also look at how the players perceive our beloved bear and what they would like to see with him in the future.

I would like to start by saying that if we compare Minthara and Halsin in terms of the degree of personality development throughout the game, Minthara is prescribed better and even has her own different ways: to change herself for the better or to remain a bad girl. And I'm not gonna say that she doesn't deserve this because most players choose the path of good and there is no point in investing in the development of her character. Not at all. On the contrary, it shows that it is important for developers to take into account every detail in the game, and if players want to play the game differently for a change, they will discover a lot of new things and say: "Oh, dude! Minthara turns out to be not as bad as she seemed at first glance!". And this is really a wonderful move by Larian, which doesn't allow players to get bored and makes them look at situations and the characters themselves differently. (And by the way, if some character is in the minority according to the preferences of the players, this does not mean that it deserves to receive poor development.)

As for Halsin in this case, at the moment not only his romantic content is missing, but also his very development as a character and a full-fledged companion. This can be explained by the fact that he was probably recently added as a companion, and there simply wasn't time for him to prescribe more things that would reveal his character and potential to the fullest. Considering Sven Winke's recent post on Twitter, where he announced that Larian will again involve voice actors to record new content, there is a chance that these flaws will be fixed in patches and Halsin will get more interactive scenes than those he has now. (As far as I know, Minthara is also suffers from a lack of romantic content, as does Halsin, so I suggest waiting for now and following the official news from Larian …)

It's sad to see that new players who don't experience early access called Halsin a rather boring companion compared to others. However, players from early access spoke about him much higher and more positively, otherwise he wouldn't have become one of the popular characters of the community. So, why did this happen? I can explain this by saying that at that time Halsin was just something like an episodic character that we just had to rescue from the goblin camp and he would tell us everything he knows about our parasite and where we should go for further answers then. (And for an episodic character, that would be enough.) After that, we witness how he scolds Kagha because of the rite of thorns. And I think a particularly strong point was that in the case of Arabella's death, Halsin says in raised tones: "As for the Idol? It's nothing compared to life! A mere object, next to one nature's creations! You showed no pity, no remorse. I cannot absolve you!" I've seen people write admiring comments like: "Until that moment, I thought I couldn't love him even more!". The way he expresses his thoughts, shows concern, compassion, or regret and disappointment mixed with anger (because of the death of a little girl that Kagha allowed) - all this showed us the traits of Halsin's character and caused emotions among the players. Someone thought he was too soft, and someone admired his kindness. And that's how it should work, so that the character evokes different or even contradictory emotions in people, anything but boredom or the feeling that something is missing. This is what makes the character interesting, we want to learn more about him, see how he will behave in other situations and especially how he will react to the Baldur Gate City itself. And I can also note that we were particularly interested in his story with Ketheric Thorm, which he tells us about after the Tiefling party, as well as what he feels guilty about and what unfinished business he mentioned.

Unfortunately, much of what concerned Halsin's personal growth in the release version of the game remained not fully disclosed and seemed unfinished, especially in act 3. His quest during act 2 was challenging from a gameplay point of view, but from a story one it was quite touching and helped us learn a little more about Halsin's past and that the spirit of the land named Thaniel was his only childhood friend. We also learned a little about his parents, as well as the reason why he became the archdruid.

But the story of the shadow curse still remained as if unsaid, and also we didn't see any of his interactions with Ketheriс Thorm, which I think deserved to be realized, and were not limited to Halsin's stories only about Ketheric if we ask him. An interesting fact is that for a long time there were hints in the datamine that Ketheric's daughter Isobel died because of Halsin (correct me if I made a mistake somewhere, please). And I remember, I saw there that Isobel was killed by the spear 'Sorrow', the same spear that we can get in the secret vault in the emerald grove. Not to mention that in Halsin's room we can even find his diaries, in which Isobel was mentioned several times. This would have added a lot of intrigue and special opportunities for Halsin's interactions in the plot of Act 2 itself, but for some reason it remained behind the scenes and even if we ask Isobel about how she died, she cannot remember her killer. Although there are some special dialogues between Halsin and Isobel in the game files themselves at the moment, but there are none of them during the gameplay. I dunno why it was necessary to cut or change these things, and it is not for me to decide what to do here after all. But in my humble opinion, it would have added fire to Halsin's plot in act 2. I would regard this as a fact that even such a good and kind character as Halsin can make mistakes, has his own shortcomings and even dark sides. Therefore, before the release of the game, I had high expectations that Halsin would play a much bigger plot role in Act 2 because of these intrigues between him, Ketheric and Isobel than what we have in the game at the moment. The feeling of the whole story being left unsaid is still present in Act 2, but who knows, maybe it can be improved in patches?

When Halsin became our full-fledged companion in the game, we got new options for the dialogues, but very few of his interactions in the future. It's as if the development of his personality in the second act ended along with his quest. Remember what wonderful scenes with companions in Act 1 we watched over and over again when we stayed overnight in the camp. It helped us to get to know them better, to love someone or hate someone. Halsin definitely should not be deprived of this, we still want to get to know him so that later we can draw conclusions about him in Act 3 and help him find his own path, as it was with the other companions. We got to know our companions during acts 1 and 2 to see the end result of what we experienced together in act 3.

What confuses me is that the developers seem to have paid more attention to his sexuality than the development of his personality instead (not to mention that scandalous story of his sexual slavery to drows in his past, and he only tells us about it after we sleep with the drow twins in a brothel in his company). This looks especially sad for romance, because it looks like Tav fell in love with Halsin more for his sexy muscular body, and not for what kind of person he is. After all, even in real life, we fall in love with someone not for having a fine big booty, but for how a person presents themself to the world and how they treats us. I want to add here one quote that I just remembered: 'Personality is much more important, because the external beauty of a person is taken away by old age, but the beauty of the soul will remain forever.'

In act 3, at the moment, Halsin reveals much less, but we can still see some hints. After he appoints a successor to the Emerald grove in his place, and after we help heal the lands from the shadow curse, Halsin apparently has a conflict with himself about finding a new goal. He notes that he does not like the city of Baldur's Gate, he is saddened by the fate of orphans here, he would also like people to see a friend in nature. And there are also curious moments in his reasoning about shadow druids and their methods. But all this remains so far only at the level of discussions and comments that pop up sometimes. And we can only find out at the very end that he decided to find a new goal in helping people and orphans from the city in Thaniel's world. And you know, it's a really great idea, but I have this feeling again that in act 3 we missed a lot before he came to find this goal in his ending. The idea of his personal path still remained unfinished to the end. I also heard that he was supposed to have some kind of quest with a druid circle in the city, well, let's see if we'll have a chance to see it in patches.

Сomparing Halsin with the rest of the party, he still looks pretty unfinished in terms of development by the end of the game. Because each companion has their own personal options for the path of development, which we are able to influence, and we can notice the difference in the change in the character of a certain companion comparing with what they were in act 1 and what they became by the end of act 3. We can see what Shadowheart can be like if she rejects Shar, or what she will be like in the future if she becomes a dark justiciar. Astarion can remain as a spawn, but at the same time preserving himself as a person and not turn into the likeness of Cazador, whom he hated so much. Or we can help him become a Vampire Lord and the power will intoxicate him so much that he will even begin to dream of taking the city itself in the end. Even Minthara, the companion opposite to Halsin, also has her own personal path of development. But with Halsin himself, unfortunately, this is happening pretty weakly at the moment...

We have been discussing a lot lately what would help for the development of Halsin's personality, so that he could be on a par with the rest of the companions. And I'll start with an excellent thought from my dear friend @merrinla, which would give an excellent opportunity for the development of his personal path, which at the moment in the game looks somewhat unfinished (but I still believe in the power of patches, official writers and the love of fans!❤).

Considering that his background is labeled 'outlander', this makes him a person who grew up in a wild environment, wandering a lot, living in harmony with nature, free as the wind. And even his best friend is the spirit of the land, not from the ordinary people. In his youth, he lived this life, unencumbered by responsibilities, exactly before the crisis moment happened, which was a shadow curse that abruptly changed his usual life. And for 100 years, his goal was to heal the lands from this curse. Plus, his duties as an archdruid piled up here and he didn't have time for his own desires at all. "I was forgetting who I was," as he once told us. After the events in Act 2, he does not seem to be eager to return to the emerald grove, but keeps in touch with Francesca to find out news from there. He speaks quite critically about the city of Baldur's Gate, but he has a desire to help people here and make life in the city better. And I think it would be appropriate here to let Tav tell him something like: 'You know, Halsin, it's not for nothing that people say that everything can be found in Baldur's Gate. Maybe you can find yourself here too?' and also try to change his views on the civilized world, because at the moment he is not familiar with this world too well, and we could help him adapt, convince him that the city itself is not so bad, and find himself here. Even the romance with him will look great with this option.

So it would be a suitable solution if Halsin also had his own development paths: 1 - if he trusts our advice and assistance in adapting to the city, which will allow him to become more civilized. 2 - we agree that he is right in his critical views on the city and civilization, and ultimately he decides to remain an outlander.

I think that even his ending with the orphans could also look different depending on the choice of his personal path, as well as in the case of the romance with him. This is a really great idea, and thank you @merrinla so much for sharing it with me!🙏❤

I would also like to give my comment about Halsin's role in our party. Considering that we have often witnessed conflicts between our companions, in Halsin I see something like scales holding the balance. Someone like the 'father' of our party, an adult wise mentor with whom we could consult about our experiences and ask for his advice. And I would also be very happy to see how he will try to calm our companions in case of any conflict.😂 His wisdom and mentoring experience just have to play a role in our party. If we go on a romance path with him, I would really like him to let us know that he will always listen to us at any moment and support us. Maybe we could even unobtrusively take his hand in return for a while to show how much it means to us. It would also be nice if Thaniel could communicate more with Halsin in the camp, and, in the case of romance, in a dialogue with us, he would notice that Halsin cares about us. These cute moments and his modesty suit Halsin much more than excessive sexual innuendos.

I dunno if Larian will do something about the fact that in the game files Halsin should have received more interactions with Isobel. But I think it would be great and intriguing. And interactions with Ketheric would also be perfect here (Girls, don't start a fight until I find my popcorn😅). And it also seemed strange to me that Halsin had no reaction to Zevlor's betrayal. Maybe it's a bug or just another flaw, who knows. But it would also be good to get this scene, even if he was at our party at the time of the showdown with Zevlor. Maybe it would be nice to organize some kind of his reaction to Nightsong, too, given that Halsin learned about her from Aradin, but he thought she was an artifact, not a living angel. Some interactions with our pets in the camp, I think they should be for Halsin too. (Let him stroke Scratch's belly, haha) And also… the arm wrestling scene of Minsc and Halsin when? Just imagine how funny it might look, 'cause even the dialogue with Minsc about it was hilarious.😁

That's all for today! Thank you guys for reading this review to the end, and also join us in discussions in the feedback about Halsin of the official Larian's discord club! I wish great success to Larian and I thank them for creating this wonderful game for us, which unites people and allows us to discuss many things. We love you and hope that you will also succeed in your future projects, and I also wish you good luck and inspiration in working on new content for BG3!❤🙏

[eunoiaastralwings]

Hello :')!! So glad your requests are open again!! Last time I requested a Mae fic (My little light <3) and it was so soft and lovely ❤️

Could I be selfish and ask for a papa maedhros w/ human!reader? Him being a dad to his lil elflings during his time in ME? ❤️ Just need parent!Mae content so BAD!

If not, headcanons of him being a parent is just fine too :')) would love to read either of them by your hand❤️🤲

Thank u!!!

The Best Healers

-ˋˏ ༻❁ characters maedhros x human!wife!reader -ˋˏ ༻❁ fandom tolkien- the silmarillion -ˋˏ ༻❁ a/n oh hun! you are making me melt! you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that! i had so much fun writing this! sorry for taking some time, i hope you like it and it was worth the wait. love you lots

You entered as soon as his meeting with his brothers finished. You knew your husband too well – the pain, regret and ambition he carried.

Maedhros couldn’t change anything any no matter how much he wished too. The scars and torment he suffered spoke volumes for it. Slowly you around the table to his sitting form at the end – his head in his hands as he let out a deep sight.

Even when he was sitting down – he was still incredibly taller than you. You laid a hand his shoulder and Maedhros tensed for just a second before he relaxed under your touch. Both of you stayed in silence until he was ready to talk – then he lifted his head to you and gave a small smile.

Which you returned and kissed his lips tenderly.

He smiled into the tender moment – then cupped your face in his large hands as you pulled away from it �� you ignored the coldness of the metal and it was something you had gotten used to.

“Where are they?”

He asked – referring to your children, your twins – one boy and surprisingly a girl too, whom you both named after Nerdanel.

“Outside, my dearest – but if you are feeling too tired they will understand.”

You said as you caressed his face.

“No, melda – I promised them. I miss them and I want to spend the time I promised with them. I do not want them to hate me.”

Maedhros frowned – the very thought of it made the ner crumble and his heart clench in agony.

“Oh, my love. . .”

You stood and hugged him as much as you could. It was one of his greatest fears, that his own children would hate him – because he certainly hated himself. He hated who had to become for this father in front of you and the children you shared.

“They do not and will not hate, you – you are their hero.”

You chuckled quietly– remembering just how many times your son that declared Maedhros was the strongest of them all, leaving his uncle who was called the strong Finwë a little sad and jealous.

“They love and admire you, even if you do not. You fret once our children would be too afraid to look at you but look at how eager and happy, they are whenever they see you.”

You said when you referred to his scars and the hand he missed – but your children loved him besides those, sometimes you deemed the were smarter than you speaking words as if they understood the world more than you did – which frightened yourself and Maedhros and little bit. They said about scars define the person and mark what they have been through – even as far as your daughter declaring her father was the bravest under all of Eru’s creations.

“You know this, my dear husband. . .”

You cooed.

“You’re not your father. . .”

You whispered gently and Maedhros shut his eyes closed. Maedhros had looked up to Fëanor like his children were looking up to him – but he was afraid one day he would turn into a version of this father and care something else other than the two precious children you made.

“What if I will be?”

Your heart broke as his voice cracked.

“You will not. . .come let our twins heal you, my love. They have magic even the greatest of healers don’t possess.”

You smiled encouragingly and tried to pull him up. Maedhros looked at your strangely for a moment before he sighed and got up. He allowed you to lead outside into the warm summer of his lands – towards the beautiful (and safe) green fields.

Your children sat on the picnic blanket like you let them – only this time your son did try and sneak a peek into a picnic basket you made and your daughter was scolding him for.

“Don’t do it!”

You could hear your daughter yell at her brother.

“Oh relax, just a small bit.”

He replied – you peeked up at your husband and noticed the amusing smile on him – making you spread your own smile as you approached them.

“And just what do you think you’re doing there, son?

Your husband spoke first adverting both your children’s attention to him.

As your twins saw their father their eyes beamed brightly and a huge grin spread across their face.

“Atya!”

They cheered and made their way other to Maedhros as fast as their little legs can take them. Both crashed into their father’s legs – hugging and clinging onto him as tightly as the possibly could with their arms and legs.

Maedhros only laughed and easily picked up the both of them to either side of him – both of them squealing in laughter at the height they were picked up to.

You smiled as relief filled seeing how much your husband smiled and laughed with them – it was a huge different from how he cried into your arms at night fearing everything around him for your twins he could push those fears down and let them enjoy their youth like he did – back when he was in Valinor.

He promised himself he would make sure to give them the best childhood despite what lurked on the horizon.

Your children started to tell Maedhros about their day, from the moment they woke up to now – and your husband listened carefully, giving his replies and reactions to each detail.

“It an alright day – but we missed you!”

Your son concluded and wrapped his chubby fingers around Maedhros’ neck and kissed his cheek. Your daughter did too kissing his other cheek – then both went on to bicker about who gave the biggest kiss.

You only laughed and shook your head.

“I think your Ammë is feeling a little jealous she isn’t getting the attention I am. Maybe you two should”

Maedhros whispered to his twins to make them stop bickering and your shot an eyebrow at him with a smirk as he purposely made it loud enough for your human ears to pick up.

“Yes, ammë!”

Your twins cheered – holding their arms out to you with grabby hands. They weren’t going to let go of Maedhros anytime soon but they were will still willing to give a kiss or two, only condition was they still got to be in their father’s arms.

You laughed and stepped closer – leaning your cheeks into for the both of them to kiss.

But your husband also took the opportunity to peak your lips, making the both of you laugh as your children delivered disapproving noises and gagging sounds.

Then – you moved to sit on the blanket, the twins placed on Maedhros’ legs as you opened the picnic basket to pull the out the food.

You didn’t miss your son’s excitedness to see the food. Maedhros once told you he was exactly like Celegorm he was just an elfling, his tummy never filled and it seen that was the same case for your son.

Always at night when you would try to put him to bed, he never fails to ask you the question of ‘what’s for breakfast tomorrow?’

Your daughter instantly toppled off her father’s lap to grab their favorite book – before climbing on him again, begging him to read. Your son distracted from what you were doing for a second to beg with his twin sister.

Maedhros had smiled and nodded taking the book and wrapping his arms around the both of them – the twins had found their father’s metal quite ‘cool’ as the said it and they had been arguing over who gets to have that arm to wrap around them, despite the fact it was a little cold.

Eventually Maedhros suggested the idea of tossing a coin and whoever wins gets the arm – then the next time they would swap other. So they agreed and surprising no arguments had risen after that – except the occasional whine or two.

You watched as he read to them – changing his voice for every character making them erupt in laughter.

Your eyes somewhat teared up as your prepared the food.

Despite all that happened and was happened, Maedhros made sure to be a good and better father – little did he know he was already the best and the twins loved him, for him. . .

They made sure the old Maitimo was still there. . .living. . .

Taglist form

taras taglist: @fizzyxcustard @a-contemplation-upon-flowers @wandererindreams @aeonianarchives @mismaeve @spidergirla5 @ranhanabi777 @asianbutnotjapanese

[honeybeewhereartthee]

Op, question for the MDD au.

Are the darling dolls famous?

Weird question, I know. But I mean like is it THAT famous? I know, ya sure most people can't have it because they're quite the price but we have these called "rich people"...some of them would probably have a darling doll or two.....I also wonder...what would even people react to dolls moving ahjsgsjs

Also can't wait for more characters in the next chapter/s 👀👀👀😩💓

Oh gosh I realized I ask more than one question-

A/N: I'm actually going to write that part about deep dive of darling doll lore for this chapter. 👀 Are ya reading my mind, dear reader?

My Darling Dolls AU

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You don't know if your so tired and sick, to have a nightmare of place that you loathed. That orphanage that you run away from years ago. If this is a dream, nightmare or memories. Somehow your force to watch the scene of you in first person point of view, being force to line up again with other children in a proper attire to be called "perfect human child" to be adopted off this hell hole.

Hiding once hunger, brushes and sadness away with a smile, as perfect human won't show emotional weakness to others, were supposed to make them smile and happy even so we wanted to punch them in the gut or ask for help.

Such mentality maybe have engraved in your mind that even today, you never change your ways. You don't ask help to others when you really wanted too. You were teach being in dept to people is having your soul sold to a demon.

That's why you need to be perfect to the point others would ask favor of you instead. ' it's not that I think asking one of them for a payment for the food allowance is like making deal with a devil. It's just embarrassing. I'm supposed to take care of them... since I'm the human one out of the group...

Sometimes your confuse on your own thoughts. When you focus again in the scene before you, you notice the scene have change as the person that is said to adopt one child have arrive and have taken in one child to a room and out a minutes later pass out or deadly pale.

When it's your turn, your particularly push into the room, you look around and realize it's just familiar office of that elder of the orphanage meant for guest. There's nothing in the room that could make anyone faint or be sick. "Can you make me a doll or a plush toy...?" You don't know if you hear it or it's from a memory but someone spoke to you who is faceless.

"If I did that, would I be out of this place?" You hear the child you ask to the stranger who chuckle at your question but nothing less only point at the kit in front of you. 'you' slowly move to the chair still eyeing the stranger as you began to sew a doll, he don't give you any pattern so your free to do what you like.

A thought of a certain mofumofu come in mind, you remember how soft the mofumofu against you and you have an idea which pattern you shall make because everything in this dream is a nightmare, having a mofumofu to hug can at least comfort you in it.

Smiling as you hold needle and thread you happily pass the time with a smile as you create a very fluffy and soft bison plush. You have a complete materials, to make it super fluffy and mofumofu, you cannot help but hug the finish product. "Oh my... Do you not feel weak? Drained?" You hear the stranger ask you in amazement in few times while you made the plush. You shake your head no as you stare at your finish product.

"I don't want to give you my mama bison anymore." You look at the stranger and hug the fluffy bison you made protectively.

"Ahaha. I wont do that. Beside why would I take away a perfect creation from a new playmate for my beloved God and a doll maker." You don't understand the words he speak but the scene change as your now in a traditional house rich with it's history and money.

"The god is waiting for you." He says as he open the sliding door open.

Behind the door is a familiar looking doll but you saw no God on the room. Confuse by their statement you move closer to the doll and smile happily as you hold the bison you made in you other hand and reach out for the doll to do your routine, not realizing your able to move on your own now you happily give kisses to the cute doll.

"Woah your so cute~~ you look like my friend who like to puka puka ~ ehehe." You giggle as hug the doll along side the bison you made.

"Puka -puka?" You heard a soft child like tone of someone before the doll before you, become young Kanata looking at you with curious face that almost emotionless like a doll.

"Woah... You look younger..." Your confuse but looking at young Kanata who look confuse about your statement as he look at you, observingly.

"I'm young because your young... That's the logic of ... A god? Or a doll?...hmm I don't know... What to call myself." It's your turn to look confuse as you realize the dream become a lucid as well reliving your lost memories. Kanata hold your free hand, gazing down you saw your hand look small like a kids hand.

"Is this the body meant for madara...?" He point at the bison you made. "What??? Madara???" Your mind felt blank as you try to remember your present time memories. "Yes... Madara Mikejima..." You watch him hold a glowing green with mix with slight red light.

"The past.... Playmate... Doll maker... Life ended quite short before he could create one for Madara." Your eyes widen. "...what???" You felt you learn something you shouldn't.

"Life ended???" You hold the fluffy bison tighter, somehow you dont like what your hearing. It confuse you so much. Yet Kanata softly smile at you.

"My poor oblivious doll maker... Don't worry this god will make sure you live longer than the rest." Kanata reach out to comfort you by patting you head. "Since you seems different than your presiders..."

You felt hopeless asking questions seems the easy way out. "Can you tell me then?"

"Hmm, I can... A god would always would grant anyone wish... but first Can you hand me the toy you made?" He reach out for your creation. You reluctantly part ways from the mofumofu. "Hmm..." He hummed as he hold the same glowing light and put it above the doll, slowly the light is absorbed into the doll. The scene seems magical as your eyes saw more glowing lights around you at the moment but they soon become invisible in your eyes the next.

"Woah..." You can't help but gasp in amazement. Before the magical scene ended.

The mofumofu eyes blink. "Oya?" You hear the plush spoke as it jump off Kanata hand and stood on its own.

"How's this form Madara?" Kanata ask with a soft smile.

"Usually shouldn't it be humanoid one? Not that I question it. This body seems very comfortable!" The mofumofu jumps around and you suddenly reach out to hug it because it's so cute.

"Woah so fluffy hehehe." You say as you hug and kiss the moving plush you made. "*Chuu *chuu. My mama bison so fluffyyyyyyyyy love you uwuwu" you giggle as you shower the plush kisses and hugs all over. "Oh my~" you hear the plush says before the bar become full. "Hmm that was... quick." You hear Kanata says before the plush in your hand become a human child who happily hug you back.

"Mama love you too~~~" you hear young Madara says as he smooch his cheeks against you. "I wanna join the group hug too." Kanata who watch you two in the sideline, soon hugs the two of you and you who surrendered to the memories of the past and forget the moment of the present continue to relive each moment like an oblivious child, who finally find a comfort out of a hell hole.

***

"my dear playmate, what do you think of the toys." your eyes went to look at Kanata whos standing beside you as you all look at the new client, who's chatting to the head of the family. While you two watch from another room.

"Toys? You mean darling dolls? That's what you call dolls that able to become humans right?" You felt weird when Kanata just call them as toys even through in a way that statement is true.

"Darling Dolls...? What an odd way to call it... But it's not bad." He smile. "Yes. We should call it darling dolls now." He seems to like the idea very much. Smiling not realizing that your the reason why they all called darling dolls now.

"Do you wanna know why you and I are task to sew a doll and put a soul in it? What is darling doll as you call it... Why are the dolls able to be human... And where I and the rest of the other original one... are from..." He start to hum a tone again.

"I don't know I felt if I know the truth. Would it change my thoughts?" You mumble as you and him seat across one another in a table full of sewing kit and a picture of a ideal look for the next doll.

"Well it depends... " The god chuckle. "Darling dolls... Hm.. they are very famous and expensive isnt it?" You nodded your head, you did hear about it. Through it don't know what's the price relationship with the story.

"Do you know... There are unfortunate souls in this world that unable to be born as human. So the very first dollmaker decided to help them out... Ahh. It sound weird if one think about it. How can a simple doll maker help unfortunate souls? Ahaha I don't know either but maybe that person is bless by the stars to able to create I and the phantom..." Your eyes widen in the mention of the word phantom. It click a familiarity in your mind but when you try to think why it come out blank.

" But arent you made in batches?" You ask a statement that your not sure come from.

"Batches?... Ah... It's really odd. MC know stuff normal kids from an orphanage shouldn't know... It's almost as if you know too much for your own good. " Somehow Kanata eyes become dull with fools amusement. His gaze then return to it's usual one as if his not staring you oddly just now.

"Ahaha... There is indeed an order of batches, that's the truth. But it's just a fact implanted in all darling dolls memories. They all made in different date and different doll maker... Maybe time made them think what supposed to be by default as the truth. In reality it's not the case. The reason some dolls in the so called batches will never ever meet because their fellow dolls in the same batch isn't made yet..."

You pause from the cutting of red fabric to look at Kanata. "Why do you remember it correctly then?" Your head hurts but the jumble explanation of this guy, and the facts you already learn before are not helping if you try to match the two up. There still bunch of plot holes here and there.

"Because I'm not included in such batches... Unless you include the fact the phantom and I are made by the same person. Through I am made first than him." He yawns. You try to think of what he just said. Looking at his blue hair a thought come in mind. You don't remember why you know the things your asking but you just felt someone told you about them before.

"are you the blue star, Kanata?"

"...no." he don't seems surprised anymore you know too much. "Just because my hair is blue doesn't make me the blue star, MC " he chuckle. "My label isn't the blue star. But maybe in a sense I am a false Blue star... The reason why darling dolls such as I come to this world... Ah right, I'm supposed to tell you why your making a doll and I'm putting souls in them." He seems to realize the main topic is mess directed since the beginning.

"Well... I don't know. It's just a job. The first doll maker wanted to help the unfortunate soul to be able to become human in a way, that's why he made me to continue his legacy. I just have to assist the next one in line ... But being able to create false human from simple dolls are very miraculous right? Maybe that's why people starting to think I am a god." You start to sewing the big innocent blue eyes for the doll. "It is..." You nodded.

"being loved and phrase by people help me a lot as I'm able to stay in my human form as long I have a 'playmate' but my playmate are also doll makers. Like you." He seems sad about at doll maker part as he hand you a white thread for the eyes. "I'm very shock to see you not having a drawback you know." You pause as you look at him, what he meant by those words. "the reason why darling dolls are expensive and only the rich are able to afford one is because the doll maker put their life in the thread to create one. To create a form for dolls that are gifted to be able to become human. Dolls that human children would love to play with obliviousness yet they leech on human for love and care to finally reach their true goal: to be a true human. Why do dolls wish to be human if them them being a doll makes them immortal? Many questions confuse me but maybe I'll find the answer one day..."

"What "you once again taken back by the info you just learn just now. You sigh, your brain is over loaded with the fact and just continue to sewing the doll face. The fact your learning about that creating darlings dolls means giving part of your life to them to make them special than the rest don't seems to freeze you anymore.

Maybe because this whole thing is a dream.

A dream...???

Is this really a dream???

Then what is your REALITY?

"My head hurts." You grumble as you pause on your work. "Ahaha. well I shouldn't force too much information for you huh. Maybe I'll tell about other things in different days. Since we still have a job st the moment." Kanata reach out to pat you head before he call someone to bring food for you two, soon someone arrive and it's Madara. " Mama is here! You two seems to be tackling something important ~ do you not mind if I joined in?" He brought some refreshments as he enter the door. You reach out to take a sip of the juice as you felt your minf went dry from all the things you learn. "Woah thank you very much for the drink." You drink the whole content of the glass in one gulp.

The cold liquid felt like you really drink it in reality.

Reality...????

"Agh..." You felt confuse of everything again. "I think you should rest for a bit. Mama don't think your well enough to continue since you two talks about important shocking matter just now." Madara seat beside you and force you lay in his lap to sleep, feeling drained from the information you happily slept.

...

When you open your eyes to reality you saw a blurry image of Madara looking hopeless at you as he out down the thing his holding to the bed side table. The surrounding tells you it's already so late in the night."...???' you still felt weak.

"Your still running a fever, I did made you drink some medicine just now. You should return to sleep, so when you wake up later your back into shape." He check your temperature as he put his forehead against yours. Somehow the memories of that dream mix with your reality flash in your mind.

"I have an odd dream... young child Kanata... Said creating darling dolls is putting your life on the thread just now." You mumble your dream as if it's fine to tell to Madara. He pause from fixing your hair and hopeless chuckle.

"A dream you say... Ahaha. Mama wish it's just a dream and not a memories of your childhood, your reliving." He covers your eyes forcing you to not see his facial expressions in that moment. Feeling drowsiness come into you again, you awaken into your dream again.

...

"It's done! Ehehe!" You smile proudly as you held the finish doll in your arms. On your hold is a doll with wide blue eyes full of innocent and determination and fluffy red hair, facial features that greatly remind you of a certain someone yet you cannot gasp who it was. "Yey." Kanata clap his hand slowly as he enjoy the moment with you. "We should hurry to do the next part and send him to his new home~" He added as he held a soul before you as you hold the doll at hand. You two then held the two against one another, a thought come in mind as you held the doll. You wonder if dolls could age like ordinary human. Won't it be great? From a baby to being adult.

Through not tied with the age of 'owner' since darling dolls are often desire because they want a child in their family or it's the order by default that Kanata always says why they selected certain family to have one, other than the high price of having one. It's difficult to casually get one since there's a price to own one.

"Waaa waaa." Your eyes widen as the scene before you, like the first time it's still so magical but the doll become someone not of your age but one year old baby. "Duuduu." The baby on your arms suck his thumbs before he smile so bright, it blinded you.

"... I think I just seen an angel!" Your not really close to babies but this baby is very cute. Maybe it's your child mind that think his very cute! You held the precious ball of innocent in your arms, being careful not to drop him.

"Ah... The doll is label prince of innocent. Babies are innocent. i guess there aren't any mistake..." Kanata look at the notes that have the list of darling dolls that are supposed to be made since long ago till his job ended. " MC...your having a nosebleed." You hear Kanata point out. " What you mean, this isn't anime Kanata. And I'm not--..." You felt faint and headache.

" Oops. Good thing mama caught you." You lost balance but you carefully hold the doll child on your arm but before you fallen to the ground, Madara who suppose to ask how's the work, arrive on time to caught you before you slam your head to the mat.

"Ah MC starting to have a drawback... Maybe because hiiro is a batch leader? Batch leader are very difficult to make... Having to make two in a row is amazing and quite troublesome already...." You hear Kanata says as he worriedly look at you as you lay in Madara lap, still holding the doll with a label innocent prince.

"Hwioo" the baby wave at you and hugging you close with his chubby arms. You giggle how cute he is. "welp... Time to send him to his home." After a long rest, you all part ways from the doll who have wave goodbye to you as his new 'family' taken him in are from a very far place. Through he start crying when you too far from one another.

"Wuuwwuu." He cried but you can't do anything but partway from him, maybe one day you'll see each other again. "What do you think the usual reaction of people who learn about darling dolls uniqueness?" Madara ask you as the three of you enter the house again. "Hmm? Werent the one who ask for darling dolls know that fact?"

"Well, some darling dolls are randomly made and let out to the world to find their true home and owner on their own." He jump over the rocks in the mini pond in the backyard. "Hmm... There's cases like that since some people won't take a suspicious looking dolls on their own. I'm too once a doll looking for a home."

" The doll maker would often put a shabby street store in the side road, just to make sure dolls would have a home. Many have taken the dolls in because they seems cheap at the very beginning. The fact that those dolls are unique only been known when a young child who seen dolls become human in front of his cannot keep his mouth shut, you should know that darling dolls usually only show their human form if they thought the human is the right person...maybe they made a bad choice at that time... Because There's was an issue that time that lead the doll maker to stop making dolls for a while."

" Through its fix when this family discovered such magical creatures like 'darling doll' exist means it's a gift from the person, the human creator. They went and fix the mess the child made. As well talk to the doll maker to continue making more dolls because some family would pay a lot to have a darling doll to replace a child they can never have... You know those people who can't give birth or don't want to yet want a child as well have money?" Kanata look at the fish in the ponds.

"There's a lot of people like those... But sadly the doll maker life is at it's end. He made too many dolls and sewn many thread that cost his life. At that time it's over 10 or so dolls Already... " He tried to count but he seems to not remember how much.

" Yet there still more dolls he should make because darling dolls --are dolls with the souls of unfortunate. Who can't born as human. He made a list actually. It's my task to find a doll maker to continue his work." He gesture the notes he always check when your making one.

"Since doll maker life is at it's end. He left a will that this family happily assist since the very beginning to this day. This family become well known and-" "it become a cult" Madara added with a chuckle. ".. a cult." kanara agreed with a smile.

"Then generation of doll maker continue his will. Then there's you now. The present doll maker. You'll continue to create dolls till you die..." Kanata tragically smile. "One hell to another huh." You mumble.

"I don't want you to die, but your doing so good in your job. It's like I'm seeing the first doll maker in you~" he stood up and held your hand against his cheeks. "Since MC know the secret of dollmaker. Do you hate this place now?" He felt sad but telling you the truth earlier than it be too late seems a better choice than he did last time around.

He never told the previous oblivious doll makers about the truth till their last breath. Because they all sign into the job for it pay so well. They made dolls because it's a job and not because they love the dolls. They all care about the money, they dont even know what to call Kanata but a God. But you know his name that was given to him by his creator.

A child who seems to know so well, love dolls so dearly yet oblivious about the horror of making a darling doll. "I don't know. But you guys seems very fun to be around than that place. I will stay since I don't have a place to return too." You said as you decided to stay in that place to create more than three dolls including the two you already made. Staying in that place for 3 years but fallen ill again.

Madara worries your making too many dolls that your going to end your life so young. He who is made a role to be a mama for you, made a choice that would lead you to not trust him anymore. To break a taboo, maybe it well free you from such place. The taboo is to let Kanata out of the captives of the house to the world to see how human lives on his own.

He suggested it to you seen you wanna know how to repay Kanata being helpful to you. But the moment you enjoyed the moment outside, the family went ballistic and made a choice to throw you back to the orphanage because they don't want their god to mangel with normal humans or be dirtied by the outside world.

Maybe that's why your the only human 'playmate' of Kanata. Taking their God is first priority than making more dolls. They could still hire another doll maker to take your place.

Since they fear you will leak out the truth about darling dolls, they made a wish to Kanata who cant reject the wishes of his followers to erase your memories. Even how much he can't help but like the idea, as the fact that if you continue to be a doll maker, your life would end in the blink of an eye.

He wish to see you live longer, long enough to continue to stay and play with him and call his name again. Maybe not as a doll maker or a playmate but a friend.

At the moment he grant the wish to erase your memories, he too wish to see you live a long and healthy life.

He hold you one last time and remember his creator who said from long time ago, they are made from the blessing of a blue star. Like a shooting star that one can grant a wish. All dolls like him can wish for one thing that would be granted.

He wonder if he too is able to wish for something as he granted many wish, can he too wish for something for his own selfish desire? He thought as he watch you being sent back to the orphanage you always said you hated.

As you part ways from those two, you slowly enter a deep dreamless sleep.

...

Madara look at you before he exit the app that's showcase the live concert of Alkaloid, their debut concert from the phone. His suppose to watch the scene in live action with you, a reason he come to the cafe is to joined you to watch your favorite batch become idols--who are all oblivious to the fact of what happened to you.

Yet yesterday you fainted because you tried to do something you shouldn't. Making darling dolls is one thing. Making dolls for haunted dolls is another way to die young.

"I'm going to have white hair out of worry of you my child." He felt hopeless. But his glad your just sick and running a fever. "Madara-han I brought some wet towels." Kohaku who is supposed to be in the crazy:b concert that would be held in an hour is here instead.

"Shouldn't you be at your unit? Your leader after all asking for trouble again as order of the snake." He takes the towel and exchange the dry one from your forehead.

"...do you know MC-han before?" Kohaku who thought of many things and how to ask the questions that's bugs his mind for a long while now.

"Hmm. Shouldn't you also know them? You and I are under one dollmaker after all." Madara cross his legs as he look at kohaku amused by the partner of his being oblivious about the fact. Kohaku eyes widen in realization.

He was the last doll you made before your taken back to the orphanage.

"I don't remember much, is that why I'm different from other crazy:b dolls?" He remembers that his 'parent' won't tell him more about the person they gotten him from they said darling dolls are from a blue star. Nothing more is needed to be learn. His lock up on his family house as far as he can remember, loved by his parents and older sister he don't question things.

"Well MC is unique doll maker, they somehow manage to create dolls that don't relay on the age of their owner and age from a young infant to a young adult, somewhat able to stay human far longer than the dolls made by others...

Maybe because they made the dolls full of love unlike the previous people who made dolls for money." He thought about it. Through he did made sure he won't suddenly become a doll out of nowhere by becoming an idol.

"...btw, your phone been ringing quite a lot. It's time for you to run and be an idol don't you think? I'll look after MC while you all out." Madara is quick to change the topic which made kohaku curse under his breath and run off the house as Rinne is threatening him on the phone if he don't come to the live right now, through the person on the orher line is no better as his busy running to the concert hall from a gambling house. Left alone with you, Madara smile drop as he stood up and take two darling dolls body from beneath the bed.

"Hey! Let go of aniki!" One of the twins say trying to bite Madara hand for manhandling them. "Wuwuu. MC~! this person is a bully!" The older of the twin cried crocodile tears as Madara swing them like yoyo in midair.

"Now, now you two shouldn't scream in front of a sleeping person." Madara tell the two as he tried to bring the two off the room. But he is stopped and the two disappear from his hand and return to your side.

"Bleeeh. You can't part us from mc~" the oldest stick his tongue out to Madara. "You don't know a thing or two about haunted dolls huh?" The youngest smirk cheekily at the humanoid doll.

"MC is our human, we will stay with them as long as we want~ " the twins did some happy dance on top of your sleeping form.

"Hehe...tickles..." You giggle on your sleep as you reach out to the two to hug them. The two happily let you hug them.

"Oh... my dumb child is like a trouble magnet... I'll have a word with you two next time then. " Madara wanted to have a long talk with the twin but there still next time.

"Oh well..." He poof back to his plush form and went to your slide. As if sensing the fluffy mofumofu you quickly hug him as well. Smiling on your sleep, the four of you happily sleep.

A/N: to answer ya question in short term. They are like normal expensive as hell Collectors item to people who don't know them as darling dolls. Yes they are not named darling dolls before.

They would show their uniqueness when they think your the right person because one already failed and made an issue about the dolls being witchcraft and First doll maker is cancelled by twitter (get slapped).

cult of kanata Shinkai did continue the doll maker legacy because they made Kanata their god, who want to continue the job that the doll maker isn't able to finish.

PS: yes technically you did time travel in this chapter. To why is that: well your RELIVING your memories you forget but you somehow possess your old self and think everything as a dream???

PSS: yes Madara, hiiro and Kohako who are able to stay human far longer than others is made by you. (What a plot twist)

No... I don't know if I'm making sense anymore. I hope it still does. *Trying to make patches for plot holes.

In a good note: AOI TWINS JOINED YA harem TEAM.

GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL ÙWÚ

[saey-bae]

Hello! I've been meaning to tell you this for a while but I couldn't find the right time. So when I saw your post right now I thought this is it!!

Your Saeyoung fic "Bet on me" that you wrote for the no strings detached zine was THE first Mysme fic I read! and It was absolutely beautiful!! It made me feel so many emotions, both happiness and sadness and I cried,, the way you portrayed Saeyoung's inner turmoil in facing his brother in the hospital and still trying to make MC happy even when he himself is completely drained emotionally and physically was so painfully accurate and yet full of warmth and tenderness! It completely melted my heart. 😭♡

Your piece was also the one that made me want to explore more Mystic Messenger fan fiction and I'm truly grateful for that! Thank you so so much for all your wonderful works!! Please take all my love and do take care of yourself! And I would love to read your works if you plan to post again!!💖💖💖

aaaaaaaaa ;-; thank you so, so much, lovely 💜💜 honestly, that fanfic was probably the longest thing i've ever written for mysme and it was a huge source of anxiety at the time bc i struggled so much with it ahaha. looking back now, i'm pleased with how it turned out and i lucked out on having the most wonderful artist to bring our creation to life. this is the first time someone's mentioned "bet on me" to me and i am so grateful that you enjoyed it. being able to share and evoke such a broad spectrum of feelings is one of the things i strive for as a writer with too many feelings of my own 💜 writing for the mysme fandom has been one of my greatest pleasures and i look forward to doing so again when the motivation strikes.

much love and peace to you, i hope you find more fics to love 💜 extremely belatedly --like a year and a half too late-- here's "bet on me" from the nsd zine

(please also go check out the rest of what the @nostringsdetached content creators had to offer!! we had an insanely talented team)

[nadzhosny2]

Show me your happiness

One of my favourite questions to ask someone new is “What is your definition of happiness?” What makes your heart swell with pure, unfiltered joy? What makes your entire body hum with pleasure and a sigh of contentment escape your lips? What melts you into a puddle of comfort and elation? What makes your toes curl with mirth?

The answers to these questions can be anything. There’s no wrong way to experience happiness (except of course physically harming someone-because if that’s what makes you happy, you’ve got a serious problem dude, you need to get that checked. IMMEDIATELY.)

Now let me explain.

When I first started working, I was nervous but quickly made some friends, all of whom were from different areas of the country and led very varied lives. As the weeks went on I became closer with a few of the women. Most of them worked in the department I was in and we had tea and lunch together in the staff cafeteria every day.

One woman rarely ate the meals provided, instead going for small bowls of fruit or even just a glass of water. I found this strange because food is one of my love languages. My confusion came to a head on the birthday of one of my colleagues, there was a huge chocolate cake for everyone in the cafeteria. As I made my way to the table with three slices tightly gripped in my hands because one does not drop cake, I noticed that the woman hadn’t had a single thing to eat. I let my overly-curious nature and persistent confusion get the better of me (I was young and foolish, allow it kindly) and asked her about her apparent dislike for the cafeteria food. She responded that she didn’t like to eat at all, that food disgusted her and made her feel nauseous and sick. I held out a slice of cake, passionately explaining that cake was among my favourite things in life; especially chocolate cake, that it made me giddy with glee. She pushed my offering away saying she’d tried cakes and knew that they made her feel as sick as every other food.

I turned away, sad and even more confused. I understood the basic concept of someone not sharing my interests and preferences, but to be revolted by something that brought me such joy? I was absolutely stunned.

I learned later that the woman was suffering from an eating disorder and had a physical and mental aversion to food.

This experience was my first encounter with such a striking difference in the meaning of happiness. In learning about the woman’s illness, I began to question the concept of happiness and how it differs for each of us. I had always thought that food was something that made every person universally happy, but I realised that there was no way that anything could be universal. There is always someone differentiated by their mental, physical, or emotional background and health, who would be unable or unwilling to feel the same as me. This doesn’t make anyone’s emotions less valid, it just exemplifies the way in which people are unique. Because happiness is specific to each individual person, when someone feels happy it may bring them back to a different experience that made them feel the same way, leading them down a road detailing their own joy.

There cannot be one thing that makes every single person on earth happy. Maybe Nutella, but I’m quite convinced that it is not a creation of this world but definitive proof that magic does indeed exist, so it doesn’t count.

Think of this as a mathematical algorithm, in which every one of the seven billion people currently in existence somehow classified and entered a list of the things that make them happy. The statistical probability of every single person having at least one aspect in common is practically zero.

Each thing that makes me feel happy has a counter in at least one person. The happiness I feel when I see fireworks is the opposite emotion of a person with PTSD, who may feel definitively unhappy while having the exact same experience. Such are the distinctive lives we lead.

Because of this, are we all truly adrift and separate in terms of our experience of happiness? Or, despite the fact that different things are catalysts for our happiness, do we all share the same actual emotion when we feel it?

I sometimes find myself wondering if everyone else feels as I do when I’m happy, regardless of the cause or the description — if the same emotion can be translated differently through language, culture, and experience. Is the way I feel when I’m reading a book the way someone else feels when they look at their favourite piece of art? I would like to hope that the answer is yes; that regardless of any identity or experience, everyone shares the same raw emotion. We might describe or express it differently, but deep down it is really the same basic concept of bliss.

I obviously can’t express this sentiment with any kind of certainty whatsoever because I can’t enter people’s minds and see if they all feel happiness the way I do. We can show where happiness is processed in the brain (the Limbic Cortex just FYI); but I don’t think we can ever actually know if happiness feels the same way to all of us.

Happiness has unique forms for each of us, filtered and defined through the course of each of our lives, but the raw emotion is a unifying aspect of human life. I am well aware that the belief we all share this binding feeling is idealistic, highly unlikely and incredibly naive. But it is a lovely thought and a girl can dream.

Even if it can never be fully proven, it is something I think we should all aspire to believe. We all exist in such different circumstances, each with our own individual journeys and hardships in a world that is doing its utmost to tear us apart and separate us. Isn’t it a beautiful concept, that if we were to peel back the layers of our humanity, we would find that we all share such a basic feeling with each other? That we are all, at our core, connected?

I certainly think so.

[romeave]

regarding submissive uwu breedable zane ro’meave

although zanvis typically accredited with it’s creation, submissive uwu breedible zane ro’meave (which will henceforth be referred to as SUBZ for my own sake) was a plague that affected all zane x dude ships in the aphmau fandom. fics that include SUBZ usually depict zane as a vulnerable, too pure for this world little bean that the other party (typically travis or gene) is free to either fix or fuck with. these fics were often written by a younger demographic and tended to feature a number of problematic tropes, triggering topics, and demonization/infantilization of mental illness. also SUBZ kept turning into a neko. just constantly. all the time. catboy hours out the wazoo.

but, those are all issues that apply to any mlm ship in any fandom. i’m here to talk about my issues with SUBZ, not a systematic issue that an essay on BakuDeku or SaiOma or Gacha kids or general fandom could explain much better than I ever could. my account is called zane-romeave, don’t expect too much more than zane content.

there isn’t anything too wrong with zane being uwu. zane has been uwu as early as his first appearance. i’m not going to deny my lil guy to sip his lil tea and get his lil beauty rest and tell aph that no one will trust his word over hers because he is just a lil guy who has done nothing wrong, uwu.

but zane ro’meave is not a submissive lil bottom why tf is that the popular interpretation of his character.

i don’t really know what more to say about that he straight up just, is not. zane doesn’t just roll over like an obedient dogboy at every minor inconvenience. i have no idea who this fictional man is that you are all talking about but he is not my asshole catboy zane ro’meave. he’s power hungry and thrives when in control. if given the opportunity he will gladly turn whoever into his lil puppet. he will achievworld domination if it costs him his left eye.

and this isn’t even just my silly little headcanon it’s the most consistent part of his characterization. mcd zane....exists. mermaid tails zane works for tavari to complete his end goal of being a larger crab. mystreet zane rarely helps people if there's nothing to gain, often adding humiliating favors to his negotiations (ex. refusing to help kc with anything ever again unless she follows all his advice exactly). even lil baby sophomore zane in pdh s2 chose to commit a crime and pin it on the sks so he can save the day in the end so they are both indebted to him and think he is badass. this was a response to making him cry. zane ro’meave could kill god.

SUBZ, by nature of being submissive, could never do any of that! He’s written to be pathetic and vulnerable, an overly passive permanent pity partier so the other party can swoop in and save the day. SUBZ is often the target of a sad and tragic backstory but is rarely, if ever allowed to stand up against whatever it is that’s harming him currently. you see, if the other party magically solves all the issues with their big muscles, SUBZ will instantly fall in love and get mpreged and they will live happily ever after as a nuclear family. if that doesn’t happen, SUBZ will just die a tragic death. How is SUBZ supposed to kill god if he’s physically unable to hurt a fly?

i do understand that i have made out zane canon to be a bit of a heartless monster who shouldn’t be in any kind of relationship. however, the power thing is also what makes zane great for both platonic and romantic ships. once zane warms up to a person, he develops a protective devotion unmatched by the divines themselves. a passionate young man, zane will do whatever it takes to keep the object of his affection safe and happy, prioritizing them over others and himself — not in a SUBZ way he’s just got low self importance — because they deserve it. although he isn’t outwardly affectionate, it is with genuine love and care that he tries to be the zane the other party wants him to be.

SUBZ can not love. Not with the instensity and passion that Zane can love.

SUBZ would never think to threaten aaron because SUBZ wants aph to have the guy of her dreams. SUBZ would not break all of his codes and help someone just because aph wants that of him. SUBZ wouldn’t try and change himself for the better at aph’s bequest. SUBZ wouldn’t have to psych himself up to ask to take this relationship slower because he knows it would upset his partner. If faced with a traumatic life or death situation in which he’s kidnapped, gets turned into a mindslave , discovers ghosts exist and want to hit that, and garrothed, SUBZ would not bottle all that up and beat himself up over being unable to protect his best friend from a similar fate.

not saying that’s healthy or anything (it is not, btw) just saying that SUBZ is a piece of printer paper so devoid of zane he’s practically a different character. by ignoring zane’s weird power thing, you’re ignoring 80% of your zane. you’re left with nothing but ponies, cupcakes, and a list of traits without any meaning or motive behind them. that’s not a character, that’s the opening to g4 MLP.

TL;DR: Zane Ro’Meave is a chad alpha male who makes anyone else look submissive and breedable by comparison

[thefirsttree]

A personal update + my next game

OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.

Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.

However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!

And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.

So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.

First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.

So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…

Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.

I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)

And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.

Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.

Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).

These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.

The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.

So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.

This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.

For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.

So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?

I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.

A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.

With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.

I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!

I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind…  I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”

Thanks for reading,

David

[sweetchildcloud]

||Guilt...|| wrote by me

Plot:Short fic in how Geto would react about your death and he can't help but feel guilty for it.

About:hurt,no comfort,angst,death.

Cw:reader is dead,heart wrenching,crying.

Geto’s anger turned to guilt, which quickly turned to despair. He was too late. He couldn’t even keep his promise and see you through this. His face became wet with tears as his eyes widened, the reality slowly setting in. You.. you were gone forever in a cruel world that was unfair and unforgiving. He fell back into his bed, letting out a loud and long wail of agony.

Tears poured down his cheeks, he tried to catch his breath only to realize it was impossible. He covered his face with his hands, hoping that it was just a nightmare. But no matter how hard he blinked, or rubbed his eyes, you were still gone. All that was left of you was that sweet, soft smile that you always had. He tried to call your name, but it wouldn’t come out. All he could do was cry and scream and… just… cry.

The tears flowed like a broken dam, his sobs breaking the silence of the empty room. It felt so wrong to be in your room without you in it, to see you nowhere. How was this possible? You couldn’t be gone… you couldn’t leave him by himself in this cruel place. But no matter how many tears he cried, how many screams he let out, you didn’t return.

The days slowly passed, and his eyes became less red. It was as if the tears had been drained from his body. He tried not to move, not even to eat or drink anymore. The only thing keeping him from a state of complete apathy was the memories he held of you, and the guilt of not being there when you needed him the most. He would never forgive himself for not fulfilling his promise. He had failed you, and he couldn’t accept any other fact.

Geto would often visit your grave,it was the only way he could stay close to you. He would talk to you as if you were right beside him, as if he could still talk to you the way he used to. The cold wind would brush past him as he would sit in front of your tombstone, just staring at your name until it was etched into his memory. He made it a habit to visit you every week, as if you were still alive.

His eyes were a permanent shade of dull gray, his face constantly expressionless. The only emotion he felt was sadness and regret. The guilt never left him, he felt like a failure. Because he was one. You had trusted him to be there when you needed him, and in the end he couldn’t even do that. When you needed him most, he let you down. When you were vulnerable, he wasn’t there. His feelings were slowly being chipped away by the immense guilt, and he felt so alone.

He still remembered your face. The sweet and soft smile that was always on your lips. He remembered your gentle voice, and the way you had so calmly accepted your own death. Your eyes were a beautiful color. The way you had made him happy, and how he had taken your presence for granted… He couldn’t make the time to be there when you needed him, because of his foolish pride and he lost you. It was his fault.

His mind became more and more twisted by day. The guilt ate him up inside, as he would cry alone every night, wishing you were there to hold him. No one else could comfort him the way you could. You were the one who made all his worries go away. But now, all he had was this… this deep, agonizing emptiness. If he had been there when you were undergoing treatment, maybe you would still be there. You wouldn’t be gone.

"I'm sorry..I'm so so sorry-y-y y/n" Geto repeated over and over as he would hugged the pillow as it if were you.

He would hug your pillow tightly, as if you were there with him. He didn’t say anything, crying quietly into it, wishing, just for a moment, that your voice would fill the room. That the warmth of your embrace would be felt once again. That he would wake up from this nightmare. That this was all a mistake. That he should have been there when you were crying for help. That he should have done more…

===============================

I'm planning to do a part 2 hopefully it will be less sad

[nancydfan]

So I have been a fan of resident evil for a while now and I have to say without a shadow of a doubt Ethan is my favorite protagonist. I feel like the rest of the protagonists in the series are kinda the same, you’ve got the police/army guys (Leon and Chris) who are determined to save the world, and then with the rest of them they’re kinda the same, badass people willing to give their all to get rid of evil and return the world back to normal. And that’s fine, except it’s a kind of story that’s been told over and over again and not just in resident evil.

That’s why I love Ethan so much. He is a breath of fresh air that the series needed. And while yes, you can argue that his type of storyline has also been used a lot, it’s something that has never been explored in resident evil.

With the rest of the protagonists, they choose to fight. They volunteer to put themselves in horrifying scenarios for the greater good.

Ethan isn’t like that.

He’s literally just your typical average dude. He has a normal job, and has a relatively normal life which he was happy to spend with Mia until she went missing.

In RE7 Ethan doesn’t volunteer to deal with the horrors that he faces. He just wanted his wife back, and even after 3 years he still loves her enough to drop everything and rush out to find her.

When I finished RE7, I liked Ethan as a main character, but it was RE8 that made me fall in love with him. In RE7 there were a lot of times when he just didn’t respond or kind of reacts underwhelmingly, but I think this is less of his character and more of Capcom trying to make you feel more like Ethan and having him react too much might take you out of feeling like the main character is you.

Of course his actions are still very reflective of him, like when he first enters the house and has to “kill” Mia the first time, when she reaches out to him he reaches right back, implying that he regrets what just happened and that he still wants her to be okay, no matter what is wrong with her.

I know Jacksepticeye said one of the reasons why he doesn’t like Ethan is because he doesn’t have a character arc, but I disagree. Like I said, Ethan goes from not being very vocal at times/ underwhelming reactions in RE7 to I feel the exact opposite in 8; he talks a lot more with lines that make sense, and you can feel his emotions at times even with just seeing his hands. Now one can argue that Capcom just wrote Ethan differently, which I can see.

But I feel as though Ethan has changed- in the first game, he’s scared and confused, and finally ends on frustration as the game nears its end. In RE8 he is angry, angry that his life keeps getting turned on it’s head because of some stupid mold. He is angry, and fueled by his grief and determination to save the only family (he thinks) he has left. He is 100% done with everything and has honestly given his last fuck a long time ago.

And again, this is what makes him special- he doesn’t necessarily care about the mold, about Miranda or any of the “bigger issue” things- he just wants his family. In 7 he just wants to get his wife and get out of there, and In 8 he just wants to save his daughter. He didn’t sign up to be a hero, to save the world from it’s own creations. He just wants his family.

And honestly that’s what makes him more human and alive to me than the rest of the protagonists- the rest of them kind of just feel like characters with their (almost cheesy) need to take on insurmountable problems to save the world. But Ethan is different, he’s just a man who probably just wants to do his taxes in peace and have a normal, quiet life. The rest of the protagonists, though I’m sure would love to quit, wouldn’t change their jobs or their situations because they know someone has to do it and it might as well be them. But not Ethan. If he had the choice than he’d make it so none of this ever happened, and that he and his family never have to be involved in something like this again.

Which is why I think this is what makes his sacrifice so much more tragic. With any of the other protagonists yes we would be sad but we’d find comfort in knowing that they died doing what they loved (saving people), and wouldn’t have it any other way.

But Ethan is different.

He didn’t want to sacrifice himself- we can see that in the way he struggles with Chris to get out, to stay in one piece for his daughter because he wants to be there for her. He went through hell and he just wants to see his little girl grow up. And when he hears Mia’s alive that want only grows more because he has a chance to have his family back, but I think he knows he can’t. He’s falling apart, his body has dealt with so much and kept him alive but not for much longer. And so even though he desperately wants to go back with Chris, after hearing Mia’s alive he knows he can let go. I think another part of why he was fighting so hard to escape with Chris is because he didn’t want Rose to live without both of her parents, but when he hears Mia’s alive he realizes that Rose will be okay, she will at least have one parent. He is so tired, so tired of fighting that even though he hates the fact that he can’t go back with her (you can physically hear the pain in his voice when he says “Goodbye Rosemary”), he knows that it’s something he has to do.

And he isn’t happy or content with sacrificing himself. In fact this is the last thing he wanted, which again is what makes it so heart wrenching. After all the pain he’s been through he doesn’t even get to see his daughter grow up, doesn’t get to grow old with his wife, his painful adventure to get his family back ends just as painfully as he pulls the trigger to destroy the mold.

This is why Ethan is special to me. Ethan is just a man who wanted to be happy with his family, not some stereotypical stone cold hero who would gladly give up his life for the greater good. He is truly unique and in a way I saw myself in him and his personality, which is what crushed me so much when he died. I wanted him to have a good ending and he got handed a shitty end. I really hope Capcom gives him a good resolution, one where he doesn’t have to be a main character at all but at least give us something where we know he’s okay and reunited with his family.

Sorry for getting weepy and deep lol, it’s just I really love Ethan and have no one to talk about how upset I am at his ending lol. Thanks for listening to my rant!

Oh my dear nonnie you’re always welcome to rant in my inbox. Long or not, thoughts, etc. that’s why my box is always open :)

And just so you know, I’m currently crying in an airport lobby over Ethan Winters 😆

I’m on mobile so I won’t be able to properly respond probably except to say you are absolutely right on all of these things. He really is such a stark contrast to the rest of the RE heroes and that’s what makes him so special to me too. He is just a man. A man who does everything he can for his family. All he wants to do is be left alone to love his wife and raise his daughter. I keep thinking of that scene in re8 where he’s talking to the doc. That is the Ethan Winters Capcom refuses to let us see all that much. Easy, happy, carefree moment. There’s a lightness to his voice. He doesn’t care about the problems of the world. That isn’t his job too. And it’s unbelievably tragic that not only does he get pulled into this twice (with three years of suffering for Mia before Dulvey and then the heartache of her “murder” and Rose’s kidnapping), he then dies in the end???? He doesn’t even get the reward to live with his wife and daughter? WHAT DID ETHAN WINTERS DO TO YOU, CAPCOM!!?

also overcome? Miss me w that bullshit. Y’all blew him to smithereens.

I swear if Capcom doesn’t bring him back in some way I don’t know how I’ll proceed w this series. I love Leon and Claire and Jill a lot too but nothing like Ethan. And I’m super not interested in getting my heart ripped out every few years. Especially w a new protagonist.

Ethan is just the perfect representation of deserved better. He pays his taxes on time, probably helps that old lady down the street whose husband just died. Tells the same joke we’ve all heard a thousand times to the point only Mia and him are laughing at it. He would be there for every parent teacher conference and up at 130 with a flashlight chasing away the monsters from Rose’s closet. The world may be crazy somewhere but he’s content to just be here with his family.

And Capcom took all of that away. I don’t think I’ll ever not be angry about it.

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Of Monsters and Men

Chapter 11- At Last

Summary: Finally reunited with Geralt, the two of you attempt to avoid Nilfgaard and find a tavern for the evening, although it appears destiny has other plans.

Warning: angst, fluff

 Masterlist

-last and final chapter my Witcher friends, that is until next season, and yes I will be continuing reader and Geralt’s story. There’ll be more monster slaying and adventures to come!

Within minutes after reuniting with your silver haired lover, did the two of you immediately find a spot elsewhere from the main trail for well...you know. A place hidden away from any unwanted prying eyes so that you both could show one another just how much you've desperately missed each other, in more ways then one. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt so euphoric, perhaps that's just what making sweet love to your Witcher does to you. Even when he's pounding you against a tree while whispering the most dirtiest of sweet nothings into your ear.

You hadn't touched him like this in weeks, nor seen him for that matter, but he felt wonderful and seemed to be enjoying his time with you just the same. Though all too soon would your bodies have to part from one another's close embrace. All to your utter disappointment did the two of you end your hasty love making session, seeing as the land is closely crawling with Nilfgaard soldiers and who knows what else.

You got what you could get, and anyways, that won't be the first nor last time you two fuck in the woods.

The grass feels soft against your clothed bottom as you lace up your boot, your gaze set to the individual across from you as your eyes unbashfuly admire Geralt while he lays in the grass shirtless. His beautiful golden irises staring up into the tree tops as the wind sways the leaves every which way.

You pull at the leather strings, tying a confident knot with skilled hands while a small breeze blows your hair back, you're admittedly feeling quite delightful if you're being honest. Though when your crimson eyes glance up at the snowy haired man again, he's turned his head to you.

Your eyes meet at once, sending a blissful smirk upon your lips, "Anyone ever tell you it's rude to stare?" You teased, narrowing your eyes in a playful manner.

Geralt's lips curl into a half smile as he lets out a small hum in reply. Setting your arms upon your propped up knees, you freely show him an eye roll. Earning a proper chuckle from the man, "Y/N I was simply cherishing your stunning appearance."

Shaking your head you smile, "Yes, of course you were. And I am simply looking at a shirtless man with the most utter respect and clean of thoughts in my mind." You casually shrug, "Nothing else going on in here, I promise."

Geralt raises a greyish brow, moving to prop himself up upon his elbow, "That sounds honest." He hums, "But you are no virtuous maiden my love, and by that telling look on your face only moments ago. I can only imagine what things you may have been thinking of then."

You let out a snort before deciding to crawl over to him, where he lets you push him back into the grass, "Indeed I am not." You whisper close, leaning on an elbow as your other hand caresses his cheek, "But I am undoubtedly in love with a Witcher of all creatures to walk this earth, so if we're using our heads, what does that truly say of me then?"

His golden eyes keep to yours as he brings a hand to rest over your arm, "I would say it means perhaps I am a fool to fall for one of my enemies' creations, my dear Y/N..." He pauses for a moment, taking this brief second to focus on you and only you as he holds you with the most care, "you are most cunning and beautiful."

Leaning into his small touch you grin blissfully, a feeling of ease and calmness setting over you as Geralt studies your face, "You are no fool my White Wolf. That I am sure of without a doubt in my mind, I can't seem to be able to even jest about it." You chuckle, "Though you tempt me at times." The smile that he gives you is the most precious thing your eyes could ever be blessed with, its warm and genuine, filled with the deepest and most purest of love for you. His lady of night, the one monster he could never slay, nor would he ever dare.

Though your heart fills with joy for him, a sudden sadness seeps into your soul, obstructing your happiness. Your eyes fall downcast as you move to lay yourself next to Geralt in the grass, he follows you closely, a frown displaying itself upon his handsome features at your sudden spurt of melancholy.

"What troubles you Y/N?" Wonders Geralt, shifting his body so that he can rest an arm over your chest, pulling you in close as he studies your face.

Resting a hand on Geralt's muscular arm, you frown once again, "I was brief about my short time in Aretuza and the Elven keep, I know I told you about all those bastard soldiers I killed and when I helped the mages the best I could.....it's just. I haven't told you everything." Your voice feels so small in the large forest, now since you think about it. You haven't had the time to completely process what happened at Sodden's Hill, with all those soldiers, the other mages, and especially Yennefer.

So much death.

His brow furrows in thought, unsure of what you're going to reveal next, all he knows is that he doesn't plan on letting you go for awhile longer. Your Witcher hums in reply, giving you a moment to find your words. Taking a deep heavy sigh you turn your head to look out at the clouds. "We tried to protect the North from Nilfgaard, those fuckers had their own spout of powerful mages to test against our own. For the whole day we all fought together...every man, woman, child, and mage. Fucking farmers and tired refugees, they weren't warriors, Geralt. None of them were."

You take another shaky breath as Geralt presses his head against your cheek, "I did what I could to save them. But I'm just one person, I couldn't save them all....though I must admit, those people fought braver then most royal soldiers I've ever seen. They have good heart in them....well, I guess did. Not many survivors I think, just the ones who had enough sense to get the fuck out of there.....and of course myself, Tissaia, Triss, and Yenn..." A small lump forms in your throat as you remember what happened, causing you to choke on your own words for a moment.

You bite your lip hard, your hand squeezing tightly onto Geralt's muscular forearm as you collect yourself enough to speak, though your voice is raspy and broken, "Yennefer, right. She fought valiantly like a true warrior, she was like a phoenix, like a raging mighty dragon of power and flame...Geralt you should have seen her." A tear falls down the side of your face as you smile into the cloud covered sun, your voice above a whisper, "I'd never seen anything like it....it was.....beautiful."

A light kiss is placed gently over your tear streak while his hand moves to find yours, "What I would have given to see you slay those dogs alongside Yennefer, Y/N. I'm sure she is proud to call you a friend."

"She's dead." Those two words leave your lips so quietly that Geralt almost doesn't catch them, but he does.

The heavy weight of this news takes him off guard, he did not expect you to just lay such tragic tidings over him like that, he may have been greatly annoyed by Yennefer but he did see that stubborn mage as a friend. Though his heart hurts for how broken and defeated you feel from the terrors you'd underwent only yesterday, the great loss you've experienced, all of your traumas crashing down atop your soul in this moment. He wants to comfort you the best he can.

He listens to the steady beating of your heart, understanding how sad yet angry you're feeling, "I'm sorry Y/N. Truly I am."

A tired smile forms at the corners of your lips as you turn teary eyes over to your Witcher, your faces mere inches from one another, "She was my first real friend you know, and I think I was hers. I'm grateful to have spent the last of her hours on this earth by her side then.....glad she wasn't alone. I just wish..." Swallowing the lump in your throat, you focus on Geralt's shimmering irises once again, "I just wish the world wouldn't take everyone I give a shit about, so don't plan on doing anything stupid, okay? I can't lose anyone else or so help me god or whoever is listening out there, I will slaughter the bastards who dare take you away from me."

"I do not doubt it my love, and don't worry Y/N. I don't plan on leaving you anytime soon." He speaks honestly before pressing a soft kiss against your lips, "You have my word."

——

Geralt holds tightly to Roach's leather reigns as he keeps a firm hand over your lower abdomen, a small content smile gracing over your features while you sit comfortably in front of him on the large mare. Just as you always have.

Your hands rest over his as you keep a steady lookout over the trail ahead, silently overjoyed to be leaning against Geralt and all of his godly body holding you up. A blissfully drunken grin keeps to your face while your mind tumbles and reels with everything that he's just confided about from the last four weeks, like what you'd done earlier after a fine quick session of love making.

Apparently he's been busy.

Though for the second time today, another troubling thought randomly pops into your mind as things tend to do, and now you feel this time is as good as ever to actually address it. Squeezing his arm a bit you let out a half amused huff, showing that you're about to speak your mind on something idiotic Geralt has done, and he knows it.

Your Witcher figured you'd eventually spill your two cents, as you always seem to do.

"So." You begin, slow and filled with something Geralt's not quite sure of, he mentally cringes as you squeeze his arm again, "you just told him to fuck off and that you'd prefer to never see him ever again? Just like that? To our bard. Jaskier."

Geralt pauses for a moment as you wait for an answer, "Yes." Is all he whispers, low and filled with regret. He told you all about Jaskier and himself hours ago, hoping you wouldn't bring it back up, but of course you would. He's never that lucky, there's nothing you don't ever catch.

You raise a brow and shrug, "Can't say I blame you. That idiot has gotten our asses in a lot of shit over the years." He lets out a breath, glad you're not fuming at his heated rash actions on the mountainside after you dramatically parted ways. Suddenly you grip his arm tight, enough to actually feel uncomfortable, he sucks in a breath as you squeeze, "Although, I don't believe Jaskier completely deserved that." You seethe through clenched teeth before letting go of your iron grip. So you are angry after all, thinks Geralt, funny way of showing it.

"I know....I was just....I'm sorry Y/N." He replies, his voice much softer then he'd intended.

Your face falls as you feel the hurt in his words for what he's done, "I know Geralt." You sigh, "Enough with the sorry's and regrets okay....what's done is done and there's nothing we can do about it now. And anyways, as I like to say "we'll cross that bridge when we get there" so don't feel shitty about it now." He gives you a hidden smile as you chuckle to yourself, "You can feel shitty about it later."

Geralt lets out an amused snort, "Always one for wise words Y/N. What would I do without your kind intellect?"

"Dunno." You casually shrug, "Be a far less intriguing creature I suppose."

He tenderly kisses the top of your head, "I'd be a fool to argue against that logic."

"You're still a fool either way." You jest, cackling at your friendly jab at him, earning a gentle squeeze on your hip that sends butterflies into your stomach.

Gods the things he does to you.

For a couple more hours would you both ride Roach down the trail, past countless trees and a few streams until the sun would begin her descent over the land. Through this time you've been admittedly back to your old habits of amusing your Witcher to pass the time, mixed with seeing how long it would take to annoy him before he threatened to kick you off the mare.

It had been quite the eventful stretch of time before you caught the nasty pheromones of war seeping throughout the forest from some place close by, but not seen by your skilled eyes just yet. You held your tongue, not wanting to worry Geralt over something as insignificant as rotting corpses in the woods. But as Roach gets closer and closer, you begin to feel more strange, your scarlet irises suddenly catch a ripped tent behind a few trees.

Nilfgaard. Smell of death, more destroyed tents. Those bastards did this.

Your nose crinkles in disgust, the scent of freshly decaying corpses overloading your senses just about making your eyes water, you can't smell anything else but the stench of death.

"What I would give to be in a flower meadow right now." You seethe, blinking away the reactive tears in your eyes, Geralt looks down to you, unsure of what you mean considering his sense of smell is not nearly as prominent as yours. "I think Nilfgaard found a camp just over there, gods it reaks."

His grey brows furrow in thought, though he's left his words in the back of his throat as Roach walks closer to the carnage. Suddenly the three of you are face to face with an older man and his horse cart as he desperately and stupidly does his best to move the dead in piles for whatever it is that he's intended for them.

What a strange man.

Geralt shifts from behind you, tilting his head at the bearded man, "Ill winds follow grave robbers." States your Witcher as he hugs you closer protectively, or perhaps to keep you from doing anything destructive. The greyed man looks to the two of you, quietly acknowledging your existence before turning around to continue his doings.

"If I was a grave robber, I'd be taking their belongings, Butcher." He adds gruffly, squatting down to examine another slain body, "So best keep your beast with you." He adds, side eyeing you cautiously as he goes to move another of the deceased. Well, he knows Geralt's a Witcher and that you're not human. Maybe he's not that idiotic?

Geralt smirks, "If I was to let her satiate her appetite, you'd be amongst the corpses." The man falls silent, looking wearily between the two of you as your scarlet eyes trail over the nervous man.

He lets out a sigh, finally breaking under both your hard gazes, "I was goin' home to my family when I came upon these poor souls." He points towards the rotting bodies, "Cintran refugees. Dead at least a week. Now they're a feast for the crows."

"They're not for crows." You implore, shifting your ruby irises across the shadowy wood line while you listen to the buzzing of feasting flies. You had previously forgotten about what else may lurk in the shadows ready to feed, until now.

"Wolves?" He wonders.

"No."

Shaking his head, he ignores your odd wary vigilance, turning to glance at the two of you, "With more hands I could move quicker."

Yeah, fuck that.

"The only thing you should do quickly is flee." Warns Geralt, alert to the same understanding of what creatures may be hiding close by. The strange man grunts as he drags a body over the leaves, ignorantly discounting both your warnings.

With a click of his tongue, Geralt pulls at the mares reigns, "Come on, Roach, back to Kaer Morhen." You shake your head at the man as Roach begins to take a couple steps forward.

"Don't leave!" Pleads the bearded man, while dragging another, "Look at these people. Innocent people, killed for what?" He exclaims, sucking in labored breaths as he stands to look out over the mass of dead refugees, "So Nilfgaard can have more land? We owe it to 'em to do better."

"I'm not better." Mutters Geralt as he directs Roach away.

Always so dramatic huh.

You don't make it even three feet before your sensitive ears prick at the sound of crawling under the dirt. You know exactly what's now hunting the man, without a second thought do you break from Geralt's muscular arms to jump off of Roach.

Your feet move inhumanly fast as you race for the panicked man who's now scrambling away on the forest floor as two hungry ghouls claw for a taste. Realizing all too late that your silver dagger is lost to the ages you quickly adapt to instead aim for electrocuting the ugly fuckers.

Your palms spread wide as white hot lightening crackles and sparks in the misty night air, piercing the grotesque bodies of the living undead.

They screech in pain, giving Geralt just enough time to cut them down before they're able to recover, the man stops whimpering in fear as he turns his head up to you and Geralt. Who's now crouched a couple feet from the wide eyed man while he cleans off his sword, his eyes now two pools of glistening obsidian.

Sparks crackle in your palms as you huff in annoyance, "Go home." Your voice strong and steady.

The man snaps his attention over to you, "I can help." He insists urgently, causing you to roll your crimson eyes.

"One bite will kill you." Implores Geralt sternly.

The man turns to him, "Or you two." Then back to you again, his eyes fretful as you notice how he's just about shaking. He's terrified.

You let out a frustrated sigh, "I'm immune." You conclude gruffly, pointing to both himself and Geralt, "But not you two, so if you want to see your wife again...go home." The man stays still, breathing heavily as he sits on the soft ground, his mind swirling.

Geralt slowly stands, glaring at the man, "Go...home!" He snaps in that gravely voice of his, the petrified man stares at him before looking to your equally as stoic face. The blood red glow of your irises and the low crackling of lighting in your palm shifting his mind to a new understanding of his current situation.

He lets out a shaky breath, "All right..." Huffs the bearded man before scrambling to his feet, his boots carrying him over to his cart as he throws something into the back.

You ignore him and watch as Geralt walks slowly forward, his black eyes cautiously surveying over the land as you take a step, "Let me be the first to say, but I don't happen to feel very fond of what else follows." You whisper softly, your voice laced with concern as you sniff the foggy damp air, smelling nothing but decaying flesh as it wafts into your nostrils.

Geralt holds his weapon tightly, opening his mouth to answer, but before he's able to say anything a piercing screech breaks out from the woods. His sword flashes in the moonlight as he cuts down another hungry ghoul. Without warning another one breaks out of the earth to his right, dead in a flash as he slashes it across the throat.

The dirt bulges upward as another crawls from underneath the ground, heading directly for Geralt, the beast doesn't stand a chance as your Witcher stabs the soil directly in front of him. Killing the damn ghoul in an instant. Suddenly a black screaming flash races past you and tackles him to the ground.

"Oh fuck!" Unknowingly leaves you lips as you race to his aid, five of them have him pinned to the ground already as you pull his silver sword from the earth that he had left behind in the scuffle. These starving bastards don't see you coming as you begin slashing and hacking violently away at the ghouls. Trying your damn best to get them off of Geralt, they scream in agony as you end their half-lives.

More race out from the shadows to surround the two of you, Geralt pushes and punches more off of him as you slice through their grotesque inhuman bodies. So caught up in your own world that you don't have time to make sure if Geralt is all right when another one jumps for your arm, only to be greeted with a hard cut to its sunken in stomach.

Your chest rises and falls with heavy breaths as you turn your head left and right, readying for anything else. When nothing appears to move you lower his sword to your side, turning around to give Geralt a smirk and no less a cocky comment.

Your face instantly falls when he whispers a harsh "fuck" while he leans down to look at something on his left thigh. He shakes his snowy mane, standing to his full height as he takes a limped step towards you. His obsidian eyes finally finding yours as he takes another troubled step forward, he looks like a mess.

Your eyes glance down at the bite mark revealing itself from an opened spot in his dark pants, you suck in a sharp breath, your face dead serious as you watch him with wide glossy eyes. His face looks rough and sweaty as he limps closer, suddenly falling to his knees as he stares at you, almost pleadingly, his dark eyes full of pain.

"Geralt?" You whisper, your nerves standing on end at the sight of him, no way he's just been bitten, it can't be.

Your lip quivers as you drop the forgotten sword upon the earth, taking hasty steps as he looks tiredly into your frightened face. You quickly kneel down to meet his eye level as he lets out a shaky breath, your hands gently touch his dirt smudged face as he wills his hands to grasp your arms.

His grip is unnaturally weak as you look deeply into his eyes, your voice shaky, "You're fine. You're fine, it's just a small wound nothing worth worrying over....it's just..it's nothing...you're fi...." His head falls downward in your palms as his hands slip from their place on your arms, "No, no, no, no....Geralt, love look at me! Look at me!" He answers back with a low groan, you swallow the building lump in your throat as he struggles to lift his tired gaze to yours.

The weakest of smiles displays over his handsome features as he lets out a tired sigh, "You're beautiful....you know that?" His voice is soft and broken as you hold up his face, biting your lip to keep from crying. He smiles sluggishly, "Thank you for loving me...I....Y/N...I...love y..."

Suddenly his eyes shut as he goes limp against you, you catch him and quickly move to gently position his body so that his head can rest in your lap, "Geralt no!" You exclaim desperately through tears that are starting to blur your vision, "Wake up! Wake the fuck up you dick...you can't leave me here!" You shake his shoulder but to no avail, "Fuck! No, no, no....I just got you back." Tears race down your cheeks as a sob racks through your entire body, you suck in a breath, trying to contain your pain.

This isn't fucking fair!

The old man hustles to your side, now made aware of the dire circumstances, "Ohhh, dear...Uh....we can take him to my house, if you will.....Just, keep him awake." Proposes the man, you hold Geralt closer, your wet cheeks glistening in the moonlight as your crimson eyes glow blood red.

"If you help me save him I won't end your pathetic life because of your stupidity!" You snap, making him flinch backwards as you glare at him, a low growl emitting from deep within your throat. If Geralt dies you might tear this man to shreds.

He quickly regains his bearings, now understanding that his life is at stake if Geralt dies under his care. The man walks around you, reaching down to pull Geralt from out of your lap. Once you're free he looks to you, "Miss he's quite heavy, this one. Could you lift his legs and help me carry him to...."

He's left with nothing but a genuinely bewildered look as you pick your sleeping Witcher up, holding him in both your arms while ignoring the mans shocked expression as you walk over to the large wooden cart. Setting Geralt in the back on a couple soft bags of goods.

Jumping in next to him, you kneel down by his side while the man quickly ties Roach to the back. It's going to be a long night. Until dawn broke out over the horizon, the great sun coating the land in daylight would you lay by his side as he slept through the multitude of hours.

Finally coming to in the late morning, looking more pale then usual and clearly disoriented, his golden irises trying so hard to focus on your blurry face. The man, who revealed himself to be Yurga, kept his horses at a fast trot while you continued to hold tightly onto your Witcher's arm, squeezing it every time he would begin to close his eyes. Just keep him awake.

"I don't know about you." Starts Yurga, "But I'm not liking the sound of those explosions in the distance....bloody Nilfgaard better keep themselves far away from here. We don't need trouble like that round these parts. Not after everything they've done."

Geralt stirs underneath your touch, snapping your attention back down to him, you watch as his eyelids open and close, his golden irises looking rather lost and hazy. He's so pale, too pale.

"Easy does it Butcher." Affirms Yurga as he turns his head to the side, "You got bit, best keep your sights trained on the pretty lady in front of you."

Geralt's brows furrow as he turns his own head to the side at the sound of the mans voice, confusion clear on his face since the poison from the ghouls has begun to mess with his mind. Seated closely on his right, his muscular arm on your left and his broad body on your right, his face is much more faded in color now. Too pale and sickly looking for your liking.

Reaching an arm out, you gently touch his face, turning his head back to you, "Geralt, keep those fine golden eyes on me, you gotta focus love....you're becoming delirious, but you're not dead. Just stay awake Geralt I'll be right here." He blinks hard, his face appearing dazed as he listens, suddenly trying to sit himself up.

You quickly react, leaning over him to grasp both his arms, stopping him from moving anymore, "Be still Geralt. You'll only make things worse if you try and move, your bite is spreading slowly but moving will only bring you more pain." His face grimaces in discomfort, you release your grip, sitting normally once again.

Oh Geralt, be strong for me.

Your face a mask of deep worry at his reaction, he may be a Witcher, but if his wounds are not treated properly he will die. Leaving you completely and utterly alone in this world whether you're ready for it or not. You rest a hand over his chest, listening to the slow thud of his heartbeat, he stares up at the sky, his gaze lost in the clouds.

You can tell he's probably watching some hallucination playing out before him, his gaze seems so far away while you sit here on this stupid hay covered cart pulled by the slowest two horses you've ever seen. He stirs again, his pale face trying to find yours as he focuses in on your worried appearance.

You can tell he's back, especially when his left arm quickly takes yours that was previously resting over his chest. He squeezes your hand, "My bag. Y/N I need my bag." His voice his gravelly and urgent, you quickly turn to look around, the pull of the cart jostling you while your eyes hunt for the bag.

"Yurga stop the fucking horses for a moment!" You yell, letting go of Geralt's hand as you grab the leather bag. Yurga directs his horses to stop, turning abruptly around to see what's the matter.

"The bottle....Y/N.....you know which one." Rasps Geralt as your eyes quickly find the small glass bottle containing some dark liquid, a type of healing potion for sure.

Handing the potion to your Witcher he hastily takes it, ripping off the cork with his teeth before making a face and chugging most of it. He groans, pouring the rest over his infected wound, more groans of pain sounding as you listen to the sizzle of flesh take to the healing mixture.

Gently patting his arm you hand him a small smile of reassurance, "You definitely need a healer, I'm afraid not even my blood can heal these wounds. Those fucking ghouls." You growl as Yurga urges his horses to begin trotting down the trail again.

His body rests against the piles of clothes and hay while his hand reaches out for yours, "I need to go to the Blue Mountains....Y/N...tell him I need to...." Mutters Geralt with tired eyes.

You squeeze his hand, "What? No, we don't have....you don't have enough time, Geralt you'll die."

"He'll heal me....I just need to go...."

"No!" You cry, there is absolutely no way you'd both make it to the Blue Mountains before his heart stops beating, "Stay awake you fucker, we'll heal you soon enough, just stay awake....we're almost to Yurga's farm. You'll get proper treatment there....just stay awake."

Until the sun would set and the darkness of night crept over the land would you constantly play as an ever continuous jostling annoyance to Geralt, doing all that you must to keep him awake and alive. Soon enough would Yurga have to stop and let his old horses rest for awhile. In the meantime, you'd help Geralt to lean against a tree as you went off in search of healing plants that could help to temporarily stop the spread.

With not much to give from your herb hunting, you walked forth from out of the bushes and into the grassy tree covered opening where you're greeted with the sight of a dark-red haired mage tending to your Witcher's infected bite wound. You immediately freeze, though she's too focused to even realize that you're watching her work. For a couple minutes would you observe her talents before blinking once and suddenly she's gone. Just like that, gone.

Well that was fucking bizarre.

Suddenly Geralt bolts upright, your brows furrow as he looks all around him, his wide eyes shifting right and left until they finally find your familiar form walking closer. He lets out an audible sigh of relief, before his grey brows furrow once again in thought.

"Where'd she go? The woman?" He wonders, confusion clear on his face as he watches you crouch down to meet his eye level.

You raise a brow, "Can't say I'd know, but I wish I'd have time to thank her for doing whatever magical mage shit she did to your infected bite mark." You reply with a chuckle, "Now you've gotten yourself a new scar added to the collection. Though still a very handsome work of art in my humble opinion."

His face softens at your relaxed tone, suddenly realizing that there's no need to worry anymore, "Thank you Y/N."

You laugh, "What for? I didn't do that much, I didn't even know how to properly heal you. And I definitely wasn't planning on turning you into a vampire just to have you around longer."

A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips as you study his face, "For keeping me awake this long, no matter how much I wanted to shove you off the wagon."

"I knew you wanted to do it, I could see it in your face. That is, when you weren't staring off into nothing like a lost boy who had too many special herbs." You jest, earning a pleasing chuckle from your sweaty Witcher. You smile, "Now. Come on my love, let's go." You reach a hand out for him to take, without a second thought he accepts, letting you pull him to his feet.

He shakes his head, steadying himself as he holds your arms, "Geralt you're acting like you've just downed half a dozen mugs of ale, lets rest on the cart yeah? Yurga will take us to his farm where we can get some proper food and drink, and if we're lucky....you some new pants."

His smile is soft as he looks down at you, Geralt touches your chin affectionately, "That sounds rather lovely."

Before he can do anything else you grasp the hand that's touching your chin, "I know exactly where your mind is going next and all I have to say is you're getting a bit more cleaned up before those pretty lips of yours are allowed to kiss me." He closes his eyes, resting his head against yours as he releases his hand from your chin. Now pulling you closer with his large strong hands.

"I could have died." He mutters, his gravely voice laced with a friendly playfulness.

"But you didn't."

"I could have."

"I know." You finally sigh, "You're still sweaty and smell like a dog who rolled in cow shit."

He lightly chuckles, "That's rude." Before pressing a feather light kiss onto your forehead where he then pulls away after a moment, "Guess we should help the old man pack the rest of his bags away."

Gripping his torso tighter you lean in close, "I'm enjoying myself too much." You admit, "Even though you smell rather atrocious at the moment."

"Oh please Y/N." Muses Geralt, his face inches from yours, "You still called be pretty when I was covered head to toe in Selkiemore guts, if I do recall."

"Did I? Must have slipped." You mutter lowly, brushing your lips past his.

"Y/N." Warns Geralt, his hot breath fanning over your smirking face as your ruby irises flicker from his plush lips to his golden eyes.

"On second thought. Perhaps you do look rather lovely at the moment, I think I'll just have to..." He's left guessing what you would have said next as your lips press firmly against his, both your arms pulling one another even closer now. Despite all he's just endured, Geralt tastes quite nice, his muscular body feeling even better holding you so close.

His lips move with yours in some pleasurable heated dance, soon enough does his calloused hands reach up to place themselves on either side of your face, you smile into the kiss at his urgency to hold you close. A couple more lingering blissful moments are shared flush against one another before your Witcher inevitably pulls away, first pressing a kiss to your cheek, then your lips once again before finally pulling away to look into your glistening eyes.

His hands still gently holding your cheeks, while your own ones grip around his forearms, "I hope there's more of that for when we find a tavern later." You muse, biting your lip as Geralt's eyes stare deeply into yours.

"Y/N. I'll let you take me any way you want." Mutters Geralt in that low and gravelly voice of his, "Just me and you."

"I think I'd like that very much." His lips find yours once again as your fingers trail down his back, wishing so hard that you were both laying on a soft warm bed in some hidden tavern in the mountains.

While you're both unbashfully exploring each others bodies like it was the first time, a sudden cough is heard from behind you causing the two of you to abruptly pull apart and look in that direction, "Uh...don't mean to intrude, but uh.....could we get moving if ya both don't mind?" Asks Yurga politely, trying not to find either of your amused gazes as he looks at a stick on the ground.

Right, you'd probably want to get out of the woods first.

The merchant Yurga had been true to his word, he had finally at long last made it to his home placed in a great clearing within the woods. A comfortable farmhouse on an open spot of land away from the fighting and battles nearby. His cart came to an abrupt halt as his wife quickly opened up the door and raced out to meet him, excitement flowing through her veins as a huge smile graced her face.

"We're all okay. The war is close, but we're okay. I need to tell you something." Exclaims Yurga's blonde curly haired wife.

"Me too." Affirms the older man with a slight thrill lacing his words.

His wife smiles, "I met a girl. An orphan, I found her in the woods nearby." Geralt halts all movement at the startling words, you doing the same as both of your furrowed gazes find one another.

No way this is who you think she's actually talking about. Hundreds of girls have been orphaned by the war.

"I met a Witcher." Speaks Yurga with a nod, "And a dhampir, if you'll believe it." Without warning Geralt jumps down from the cart and begins walking towards the woods much to your confusion, "They saved my life. Now fetch 'em some ale before they go to Kaer Mor-somthing." Urges Yurga, while you jump down from the cart, making hasty steps in Geralt's direction as Yurga and his wife finally look over to watch as the two of you make for the woods, "Hey, Butcher. Butcher! Where you goin'?" Shouts Yurga as Geralt continues onward, almost caught in a trance as he ignores the rambling merchant.

"Y/N?" Shouts the older man, causing you to stop and turn to him, "Where you two goin'?"

Your brows furrow, not completely sure of yourself, "I don't know." You whisper, keeping your body still as you look out at the thick greenery where Geralt had just wandered into for some unknown reason. You can't explain why, but you feel as though this is a path that only he must take.

The girl in the woods will be with him always.

He walks through the forest, his feet taking him somewhere or rather to someone who's been hiding from him for a long time. He can't even fully explain it, the call he feels to find what he's seeking. He suddenly stops, thinking his thoughts must be false and this urge to find who lingers in the wood is simply horseshit as per usual. A false sense of destiny. He turns around, walking a couple steps further back the way he came before an undeniable urge to look back consumes him.

The girl in the woods will be with you always.

And there she is, Princess Cirilla of Cintra, a shining beacon of hope in the dull wet gloom of the towering forest.

Destiny has prevailed.

Your boots shift from right to left as you stand idly in the morning air, your thoughts swimming around in your head of what could be taking Geralt so damn long, even if it's only realistically been about three minutes. Your new friends from behind you have instead left you to yourself and decided to tend to their horses, much to your relief.

Hugging yourself closer, you shiver, though you're not cold. A kind of magic of sorts seems to catch you in the misty air, a feeling you haven't felt since that night at Pavetta's banquet pulls around you like leaves on the wind.

How odd it feels, yet this seems right.

Two heartbeats reach your heightened ears, one so slow. But the other, beats normally like that of a child's.

You take a step back, steadying yourself as you wait for who you're expecting to inevitably appear. Shoes move across earth and leaves, signaling their close arrival. Your nerves die as two shadows emerge from the bushes and into the sunlight, the two of them are talking, unaware of your presence in the yard.

The child suddenly looks, her enchanted blue green irises falling onto you as she quickly comes to a halt, her eyes full of wonder and nervous apprehension. Geralt's brows furrow as he stops as well, his face turning to find the source of the girls fear.

His golden eyes spot you in an instant, he finds you staring curiously at the small blonde girl, the tiniest of smiles gracing your lips as you fiddle with your hands. You can't help but feel ridiculous for how you've been feeling about meeting this Child Surprise after so long, she is just a girl, a survivor of the unspeakable. Though you may not be the best with children in general, you feel no ill will against this one, all those previous feelings of loathing and judgement are gone to the wind.

Geralt's eyes are kind as he gently rests a comforting hand over her thin shoulder, she looks to him now then back to you as he speaks, "This is Y/N of Alkatraz, the dhampir princess of the High Northern Kingdom. My uh, lover?" He says cautiously, a bit unsure of what to truly call you before he thankfully finds his words, "Well...uh, my immortal companion, and someone who I love very deeply."

Oh, Geralt you adorable idiot.

Ciri's brows furrow in thought for a moment as she finds her courage, "My grandmother told me of that kingdom, she said it is ruled by vampires. Are you one?" She wonders, her voice a small nervous whisper.

The corners of your eyes crinkle in amusement as you smile, shaking your head, "No my dear princess, I am of that blood and character, but a dhampir is what I am as Geralt said. It's someone who is half vampire and half human." You assure the small girl, "No need to fear me, I promise you princess that I would never harm you in any way, you have my word."

A small grin tugs at the corners of her lips before her eyes fall downcast, "That's very kind, most people I've met so far out here have tried to kill me." She hands you the flash of a smile, "Glad to know not everyone is like them." She reveals freely to you with her small voice, so this is truly the Child Surprise.

The princess of Cintra.

"With us, you will not have to fear the damned talons of Nilfgaard Princess Cirilla...I will protect you with my life now."

Her brows furrow in thought at your truthful words, "You know of me? But how?"

You smile kindly, your scarlet irises flashing over to Geralt for a brief moment, "I have traveled with this handsome Witcher for almost fifty years, I know everything he knows. Even who you are." You take a couple steps forward, kneeling down to face her sad eyes, "And I am truly sorry for your loss, no child deserves the pain and fear you have endured since Cintra's fall. No less the horrors you have witnessed since your escape, these lands are undoubtedly deadly."

"Thank you, Y/N." She looks from you to Geralt, "I'm glad to have found you both then." You smile, standing up fully to lace your arm with Geralt's.

"Now, I think these kind people here may have breakfast waiting for us and some ale if I'm lucky, so my small friend Ciri, would you join us for a decently peaceful morning?" Ciri gifts your ears with a small giggle as Geralt hums in amusement. Proud that you're taking so well to the newest addition to your group of two.

You turn around just as the curly haired woman waves, "Would you all mind joining us for breakfast?" She calls out as a satisfied grin breaks out upon your face, "Of course we would be delighted!" You shout back, probably with too much excitement but you're trying to look as non threatening as possible. Also you are admittedly very hungry.

The three of you begin walking toward the farmhouse, Ciri follows the woman and her husband inside as Geralt stops near the entrance, you turn a raised brow to him, "What is it now? You planning on finding another magical orphan in the woods again?"

He looks down at the muddy ground before finding your lingering gaze once again, "No, just trying to figure out what to do next." Grumbles your Witcher in that lovable gravely voice of his.

You gently squeeze his hand as a smirk plays at your lips, "How bout we think of breakfast first? Then we can set our sights on paying our friends at Kaer Morhen a little visit. Bet they'd love that." You add sarcastically, wiggling your brows.

Your Witcher finally gives you a small smile, "Oh, I'm sure they'll be thrilled to see you again." He jests.

Lightly smacking his arm you take a step into the doorway, turning back to look at him, "What? Am I not nice and lovable? Can't believe you'd even say that."

"Only when you want to be." Mutters Geralt before gently kissing the side of your head while walking past you, "Now lets get some ale."

-

Tagged:  @seninjakitey​  @notahappytree​ @ashleyforeverareject​ @sokkasdarling​ @kmuir1​​@haleypearce @diegos-butt​ (@auds24 sorry idk why ur name won’t work) @a-girl-who-loves-disney

[veronicamarsconfessions]

Editor’s Note: TV moves on, but we haven’t. In our feature series It Still Stings, we relive emotional TV moments that we just can’t get over. You know the ones, where months, years, or even decades later, it still provokes a reaction? We’re here for you. We rant because we love. Or, once loved. And obviously, when discussing finales in particular, there will be spoilers:

There was a time when Veronica Mars’ legacy was that of a beloved cult show that was canceled too soon by network executives who didn’t understand it. With the arrival of a crowd-funded feature film in 2014, its legacy evolved as one of the first shows to see the benefits of a revival. Now, it simply brings thoughts of sadness, rage, and betrayal.

When Hulu first announced it was reviving the series for an eight-episode fourth season, the news was met with resounding joy from a vocal and passionate fanbase that had never given up hope it would return after the crowd-funded feature film reunited Kristen Bell’s Veronica, a pint-sized private eye with a sharp mind and even sharper wit, with her one true love, the reformed bad boy Logan Echolls (Jason Dohring). But the fire that had burned for more than a decade and twice-revived the show was suddenly extinguished in a single, heartbreaking, and wholly unnecessary moment when Logan was killed by a bomb left in Veronica’s car shortly after the couple exchanged wedding vows.

I can still remember the shock I felt when I reached the end of the screeners Hulu sent. The whole thing felt kind of surreal, like if I didn’t acknowledge what had happened out loud maybe it didn’t actually happen. But it did happen. And I’m still filled with a fiery rage and a deep sadness when I think about it now, nearly two years removed from the episode in question, because needlessly killing Logan was a betrayal of the worst kind. The character’s untimely demise felt engineered for nothing more than shock value, like it existed only to leave Veronica even more isolated and cynical. But the interviews that series creator Rob Thomas gave in the aftermath, in which he tried to defend the decision, revealed something much worse while only driving the knife he’d stuck in fans’ backs deeper.

“In order for us to keep doing these, I think it needs to become a detective show—a noir, mystery, detective show—and those elements of teenage soap need to be behind us,” Thomas told TV Guide of the decision to kill Logan, noting that he also hoped to take Veronica out of Neptune and on the road in potential future seasons. “I sort of viewed these eight episodes as a bridge to what Veronica Mars might be moving forward.”

Instead of being a bridge to the future, it was a bridge to a grave of Thomas’ own making. Not since How I Met Your Mother ignored literal years of character development to deliver a half-cooked series finale the creators had come up with several years prior has a show felt so out of touch with its characters, the story it was telling, and its fans. Thomas’ decision to kill Logan is the perfect example of a creator being unable to recognize their own biases to the detriment of their creation.

He wrongly believed that Veronica needed to be hardened by years of nonstop torment and trauma in order to prove she was a great detective whose story was worth continuing. In putting her through the emotional wringer (again) after spending the entire season attempting to dig into her flaws and determine the root of her problems, Thomas swiftly undermined his heroine and her trauma with one misguided act of devastating violence. The fact that Thomas then chose to also skip over Veronica’s grieving process entirely reveals how little he ultimately thought of Logan or Veronica’s relationship with him, which had pushed her to be better and work through her longtime trust issues.

It is common knowledge by now that Logan was not intended to be Veronica’s love interest when the show debuted, but the fans took to the character more than they took to Teddy Dunn’s Duncan “He Used to Be My Boyfriend” Kane, so the latter was jettisoned from the show after Season 2. And in the end, Logan turned out to be a much better partner and match for Veronica’s personality. So what’s truly unfortunate about Thomas killing Logan, and killing him so violently, is that his thought process during Season 4 has the potential to color everything that happened in the show up until the moment the bomb went off. There is also the issue that Thomas apparently believed that Veronica achieving some level of romantic happiness was a one-way ticket to the grave, as if shows like Friday Night Lights hadn’t already soundly debunked the myth that happy couples did not make great TV.

Obviously an emotional family drama does not play by the same rules as noir, but Veronica Mars had already proven that you don’t need to play firmly within the sandbox of the genre to excel creatively. So why should the more adult version of the show attempt to put itself back in the box to be confined to something more traditional or stereotypical? Furthermore, love and contentment are not character flaws or weaknesses. They are not an element of “teenage soap,” as Thomas put it. In fact, one could argue that by allowing herself to believe that she and Logan could have a happy future together regardless of everything she’d witnessed in her line of work, Veronica had shown more personal and emotional growth in the show’s fourth season than she had in the entire run of the series.

At the heart of the matter, though, is one simple, glaring truth: Logan’s death was a fundamental misreading of the entire Veronica Mars fandom and what they liked about the show. Storytelling should never be dictated by the fans and their desires—one of the loudest and most common complaints critics had about the movie was that it felt too much like Thomas was just giving the fans what they wanted rather than attempting to tell a good story—but when your fandom has dug their hands into the cold soil of the TV graveyard to raise your show from the dead, you should probably have a grasp on what exactly the fans like about it in the first place. After all, they’re the reason you still exist and will be one of the final arbiters of whether or not you get to continue to exist in the future. And the idea that fans would somehow be interested in watching a version of Veronica Mars in which Veronica was on the road, completely alone, and Logan was blown to bits is just a wild miscalculation.

This isn’t to suggest Veronica Mars could not ever survive without Logan. That would be to undercut the rest of the show and the woman Veronica has become since we first saw her cutting Wallace (Percy Daggs III) off the flagpole in the series’ pilot. But there is a difference in writing Logan out of the show’s ongoing story arc—his secretive Naval career offered the perfect out—and violently killing him in an attempt to shock viewers and show just how resilient your heroine is in the face of trauma. A survivor of rape who had to solve the murder of her best friend (Amanda Seyfried) while still in high school because the sheriff’s department was too inept to do it (or simply did not care to do it), Veronica had already been through more in her young life than anyone should ever have to live through.

Although Logan’s death led to her finally seeing a therapist, it seemed to be a one-time thing, so nothing has really changed. Veronica is still the same person she was before the show returned, except now she’s also a widow and Thomas has alienated an entire fanbase to the point that many fans, though likely not all, have no interest in revisiting her story. And they’re not likely to either, since Hulu chose not to move forward with another season.

So much for that bridge to the future.

[muqiing]

#showyourprocess

From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES — When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

Thank you so much for tagging me @lan-xichens​, I’ll try my best to explain how I made this set from start to finish hehe ♡ and also a big thank you to @suibianjie​ @highwarlockkareena​ @nyx4​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ and you as well Kris for putting this all together! Content creators get a lot less recognition than they deserve for all the time they put into their content, so getting everyone to see the (sometimes excessive) process we all go through to put our content in our blog, I hope it creates a positive change!! 💖

1. Planning

The set in question was actually requested by someone so they could celebrate their friend’s birthday! At first I wasn’t entirely sure if I was going to be able to finish it on time (college is very hectic right now) but I was able to finish it three days before the deadline which was may 1st! ^-^

The first thing I did was decide what characters I wanted to use in the set, I first reached out to the person who requested the set if there were certain characters they wanted me to use but they said they didn’t know enough to really give me any directives outside of the quote. I decided, since the quote is applicable to the entirety of the show, that I would try to put in as many characters as possible.

Thus, of course, came the hunting for scenes. Those of you in the net discord surely know I came into the content help channel a few times to ask for certain scenes here and there, and eventually I had to download an additional 10 episodes to the back then 20 or so episodes I had in my CQL episodes folder.

As you can see I have 30 random episodes of CQL downloaded (slowly but surely getting to the point where I have all 50 episodes downloaded) and I think I ended up using scenes out of at least 20 of those episodes.

I planned out beforehand what characters I would use per gif. I knew obviously I would start out with Wangxian, them being the main characters of the show, and then would work my way down the list. The second gif consists of Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning. They’re all family pairings, two being siblings and one being a married couple. The next gifset consists of the Yi City characters, then the fourth gif consists of the juniors, and the final gif has Jin Guangyao, Mianmian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Xichen in it.

I have to admit though that when I had made the first four gifs I’d forgotten who I would put in the last gif and the when I thought about it the first time around I could only think of Lan Qiren and the very cursed Yaoyang ship 😭 it was only at dinner time that same day that I remembered I hadn’t put Jiang Cheng in my gifset yet and that’s when I thought of the other characters as well.

I had already made my first two gifs when I went to check Hanyi’s blog for layout inspo and eventually I decided I wanted to try a triangle-ish layout, which I doodled below. I eventually ended up changing the layout of the last gif in the final design. It was also the first time I would work with a triangle-ish layout so I was a bit nervous as I was scared it wasn’t going to work out...

2. Creating

I use Avisynth 2.5 and Adobe Photoshop 2021 (the paid version, unfortunately, I need it for school except I didn’t need it this year but I wanted it so I paid for it with my own money ouch) to make my gifsets! I always start out with trimming down all the scenes I’m going to use into three to five second videos and putting them through Avisynth. This time around I did it separately for each gif I made, simply because I needed so many scenes. I would include a screenshot of my “gif vids” and “temp” folders but I’ve already deleted all the videos, which is what I usually do immediately after a set is posted.

I’ll try my best explaining this gif by gif since each one had a different layout!

2.1 Wangxian

I think I had up to five different designs of this gif 😭 it started out with the gif on the left originally being more centered and the quote right smack in the center but somehow it felt a bit too... empty? I changed up the design and pulled the gif over to the right and put the two closeups on the left, the exact opposite of the gif I eventually ended up with. I switched things around one more time and saved the gif as you can see it right now, except I didn’t include the lines yet. It was only as I finished up my fourth gif that I decided this gif needed lines as well so I added them ^-^

2.2 Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning

I got the inspiration for the font layout on this gif from this Wenzhou post! I hadn’t tried it before and when I did for this gif I was very happy with the way it turned out :D I wanted to portray that life is a pile of good and bad things, as the quote says, in CQL by mirroring these happy scenes side by side with the sad scenes

2.3 Yi CIty

My first time working with the triangle layout!! Putting in the lines and making sure they would line up with the second gif took me the longest of all actually  😭 I think once I got the line on the left in I just copy pasted it and flipped it horizontally so I didn’t have to fiddle around with angling it anymore :’) my original idea was to get a happy Song Lan scene and a sad A-Qing scene, but when I stumbled upon this A-Qing scene in ep38 I just had to put it in there because her smile is so precious 🥺 Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen in the center are also supposed to be mirrored, with Xue Yang embodying the “bad things” and Xiao Xingchen the “good things” ! I also think the Yi City characters fit this part of the quote very well!!

2.4 The Juniors

Ah yes, the junior quartet!! :D I had this planned out from the very beginning, that I would include happy versus sad juniors in the “vice versa” part of the quote, and I think it worked out quite well! My first idea was to put the “vice versa” completely in the special font and have it typed out over the gifs like I did with the “vice” but as I typed out the “versa” I realized it had one letter too much to be able to do that 😭😭 it took me a while to come up with how I would position the “but” and “versa” and after some moving around I decided to just place them the way I did in the final gif! For the font, I duplicated the “vice” and added a stroke to the duplicate, then I changed the fill setting to 0% so I could slightly drag the duplicate away from the original layer to create the effect that’s in the gif — also, finding a scene in which Jin Ling smiles is really difficult.... he barely even smiles in the scene I ended up using :(

2.5 Jin Guangyao, Mianmian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Xichen

The final gif!! I feel like this might come a little across as “I promise I didn’t forget these characters” because they’re a very odd quadruplet to put together, but they were the most important characters left to put in the set! I was thinking of putting Nie Mingjue in here together with Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen, but I did feel he fit more with his brother up in the second gif. Mei @mylastbraincql​ cheered me on making this gif for which I was very grateful :D <3 the layout came to be after I googled “how to evenly split a rectangle in four” because I didn’t want a repeat layout in the set  (*/∇＼*)

2.6 Coloring

For the coloring I pretty much did all of the tweaking on the first gif and then copy pasted all of it onto the second, third, fourth, and fifth gif. This is usually the way I go about my coloring, I will always edit certain gifs if necessary but I don’t think I had to change the coloring much on any of these gifs? Maybe I added in a curve layer here and there, but nothing major! This is really one of my preferred coloring styles, even though I try to step outside of my comfort zones with other sets ^-^

3. Posting

I will always upload sets into my drafts and edit the caption in there as well, clicking on “preview post” a couple times to check everything looks good on my blog as well, before I post a set. However, this time, since there was a deadline and I finished before the deadline, I put this set in the queue so it would automatically post on the 1st of may! Knowing myself, I would’ve forgotten to do so </3

Whew that was... a lot 😭 did it make any sense? Probably not, but it was fun to ramble （ ´∀｀）

I’ll tag

@blinkplnk​ with this set !

@wuxien​ with this set !

@wendashanren​ with this set !

@wanyinxichen​ with this set !

@yibobibo​ with this set !

@mylastbraincql​ with this set !

@sugarbabywenkexing​ with this set !

@yiling-recesses​ with this set !

@jiancheng​ with this set !

Please feel totally free to ignore this if you’ve already been tagged and don’t want to do it again!! <3

[harryspet]

dimensions | peter parker

[Warnings] peter parker x reader, dark peter x reader, historical au, royal au, prince Peter, mentions of noncon sex, physical abuse, spanking, alternate dimensions, fluff, hella angst, alternate peter is basically ramsay bolton

A/N: This is an angsty idea from an anon “Angst thought: Peter's got a girlfriend he super likes but she gets switched with an alternate dimension's version of her who alternate him was the worst to (like one of your dark Peter fics bad) and she's terrified of Peter now”. I decided to make this like a historical au but it can basically take place at anytime in history.

THIS CONTAINS TRIGGERING MATERIAL AND ADULT CONTENT

main masterlist

word count: 2.7k

Wine dripped from his lips as Peter stared at you like a hungry wolf. What a beautiful prey you were. He was so lucky that he had decided not to kill you like the rest of your family. 

The kingdom you came from was made of sunlight. Sun dripped from the sun and kissed the skin of your people. You were a peaceful people. You had never seen war until you came to know Lord Parker. 

In Lord Parker’s part of the world, there was no sun at all. His fortress sat on a hill between a dark forest and a storm-ridden sea. His followers were loyal but this was because the family ruled with fear. They conquered and pillaged for power and your kingdom was just another line on his roster. 

You were nothing to him. Nothing except a toy. 

You scrambled backward, your back hitting the headboard of the bed you shared with him. Peter’s eyes trailed over the bare skin of your legs and up to the white nightgown you wore. He loved you in white, the contrast to your skin, and the innocence it represented. 

No matter how he tried to beat it out of you, that innocence was still there. 

Peter pulled the sheets all the way back and your body began to tremble, “My sweeting,” His words were kind but his intentions were anything but. He had his claws around your heart and you felt any wrong move would lead to him ripping it from your chest, “I recall informing you that you should refrain from speaking to my servants.”

Nothing. There were no words on your lips. 

Had Peter already diminished your fire? He thought he had mastered the art of pushing you all the way to the edge but not allowing you to fall over. 

The room was filled with grays and black, the only light in the room came from a few candles in the corner. You could hear the waves beating against the cliffs from outside the window. You let the cold hit your skin, allowing you to feel something other than sadness. 

Peter’s hands touched the mattress as his body leaned in closer, “You want to run from me, do you not?” You were frozen now. He cocked his head to the side, an evil grin decorating his handsome face, “That is why you asked your guard to help you escape. You thought he might take pity on you? Do you think the honey between your legs is that sweet? That any man would risk their lives just to taste it?”

Breathe, you had to remind yourself. Why had you done that? You should’ve known not to trust anyone. Anyone including those with sweet, forgiving eyes. 

Peter sighed, taking a seat on the edge of the large mattress. You recalled the memories of the last few nights. On your wedding night, he had forced himself inside of you with a force you couldn’t bear. You still ached between your legs. 

“I do try to be good to you. I try to be a good husband but … it seems the Gods have cursed me with anger …and your behavior lights that flame inside of me. Is it so much to ask that you be honest with me? To tell me what I hear is not true?”

Nothing. Again, no words escaped your trembling lip. Peter was starting to grow annoyed. He liked it better when you were screaming. 

“Answer me!” He screamed, causing you to hit your head against the wood as you flinched back, “You dare run behind my back!” Peter pounced, unable to resist the sweet touch of your trembling flesh. You resisted, but that only made the member in his trousers grow even more excited. 

Peter dragged you by the curls in your hair, forcing you to scramble forward until you were positioned across his lap. 

“My lord, please! Please, don’t!”

Peter smiled wide as he held you down, his elbow pressing into your back. “There she is! I knew my sweet princess was a fighter,” He pulled up the skirt of your dress, revealing your bare bottom. He could still see the evidence he left behind hours ago dripping down your thighs, “Continue to scream for me, my sweeting. I do enjoy your voice.”

You cried out, trying to wiggle from his grasp, as he landed several hard spanks to your bottom. You could feel it turning colors beneath his touch, the burning pain flowed through your body, “Please, please, I won’t do it again!” You begged, “I’ll be good!”

He didn’t stop until your bottom was raw and his own hand was bleeding. Tears streamed down your tired face, a complete look of defeat crossed your features, and ultimately satisfied Peter. 

“What is your name?”

You didn’t even remember anymore, “Nothing. N-No one. I am nothing but yours, My Lord.”

He dragged you from the bed though every step you took was like feeling fire against your skin. 

“No ones coming to save you!” Peter shouted as he dragged you out of the room, past your guards, and to the outside balcony that overlooked the entire fortress. Everyone was used to causing the scene with his cruelty so no one even batted an eyelash as you were pulled around like a ragdoll. 

He pressed you against the wooden railing, making you look out into the snow-covered court. The snow that was now soaked in blood. He was in pieces but you recognized him. It was the young guard you had talked to you. Stupidly, you asked him when the guards normally changed shifts in the compound. 

His legs were separated as well as each of his arms and then …. his head. His eyes were still open. “We cut off the head last,” As you closed your eyes, he pulled at your hair tightly, “He learned what happens when you try to steal my treasure. Treasure I bravely sought and retrieved on my own.”

It was all your fault. 

He was gone before Peter even stepped into that room. 

Your body was only protecting itself by shutting down and causing you to faint. Peter caught you as you fell into his arms.  

+

You awoke on a soft cloud. Everything smelt of sweet vanilla, even your hair. You touched your hair and found it longer and much softer than usual. Your eyes could barely adjust to the blinding light in the room. When were thing’s ever this bright on Lord Parker’s land?

Had he finally set the place ablaze with you trapped inside? The thought of it was delightful. You even considered closing your eyes again but, the room you were in, gave off an entirely different feeling than the fortress. 

You sat up in the bed and your mouth gaped as you took a look around. You stumbled as you stood up on the bed. The room was ginormous, even bigger than the over-sized bed. It reminded you of the great hall in the manor you grew up in … except it was a bedroom made of gold. 

You looked down at your body. This was not the white gown you were last wearing. There were no stains of blood or tears down the chest. There was also no burning on your skin, on your bottom or around your neck. 

You paused as the tall gold doors opened to the room. You stared as he entered, clad in a royal suit of blue, and wearing a smile. A smile? You had never seen him with a real smile, “Did you use to jump on the bed when you were younger?” He asked a tone you weren’t quite used to. It sounded pleasant, like there was happiness on his lips, “That was my favorite too.”

Had he slipped hallucinogens into your drink? Or was this just a nightmare of your own creation?

As he moved closer to the bed, you panicked, moving down to your knees, “M-My Lord,” You addressed him, your head tilted down. 

Peter paused, taking in your appearance, and his smile turned to concern, “Your Lord?” Peter asked softly, moving towards you. He reached for your hand and, although you didn’t pull away, he felt you shaking, “Y/N, what’s going on?”

You lifted your head, facing the demon, “W-Who is Y/N?” Peter searched your face for some symbol of amusement. He thought you might be pulling a prank on him but it was now clear that something was very wrong, “Where did you take me?”

Peter pulled away his hand, realizing he was only causing more unease, “I didn’t take you anywhere. This is my home. Our home. Should I call in the physician ...”

“We don’t live here …” You looked around the large room again.

“Y/N, do you promise me that this is not some sort of game?”

You shook your head quickly, “No games, My Lord.”

“My name is Peter. I am not your Lord …” Peter’s voice trailed off, his mind racing with concerned thoughts and confusion. Peter beckoned you with his hand, “Why don’t you come with me, Y/N? We will have a talk with May.”

A trick. This had to be some elaborate trick then. 

“I only talk to you, My Lord,” You assured him, “I won’t speak to anyone else, I promise.”

His eyes seemed to sadden. Sad? You’d only seen anger from him before, “Y/N, you can talk to other people. I am your husband but I do not control you. You have friends. You have a family.”

A sick joke then. You stared at him dumbfounded, before shaking your head, “You killed them. They were not worthy. You spared me despite my unworthiness.”

“I-I never-” Peter stopped himself, realizing that it was becoming useless to argue at the moment. You seemed to flinch at the slightest raise in his voice, “Walk with me, please?”

You were hesitant but you crawled from the bed, your bare feet touching the cool, marble floor. The fortress was grays and black. The fortress was soot and wood. This was a palace and the man before you were dressed like a prince. 

Peter noticed the distance you kept from it. Yesterday, you were madly in love with him. You held each other through every royal meeting and you spent the night wrapped in each other’s arms. He remembered how nervous he was when Tony announced the plans for his marriage but, the moment he saw you, he realized his luck. He was even luckier that you felt the same. 

You glanced around the long hallways with tall white walls and ginormous windows that gave a view of the sun over a calm sea. 

“What city is this?”

As the name of the city left his lips, your heart stopped. It was the same city you were kidnapped and taken to but you saw no sign of the darkness that you remembered. Had the darkness all been a bad dream?

+

The woman named May attempted to explain everything to you. She noticed your uneasiness around Peter and kindly asked to have a moment alone with you. You were frightened to speak out of turn, for fear of Peter punishing you, but the woman encouraged you to talk to her. 

She knew all about the kingdom you hailed from, about your family and your peaceful people. They were all alive, Peter’s forces never led an attack against them. In fact, your father and King Tony arranged the marriage between you two. Peter was a Prince. The prince of a kingdom that did not wage war against innocents.

She checked your vitals, not noticing anything that was physically wrong with you. You didn’t even have the scars anymore.

Despite all of this, the thing that made everything sink in was seeing your family. Both your mother and older brother had not returned back to your kingdom, and you were able to embrace them after believing you had lost them forever. 

+

Peter wasn’t sure what to think of everything. So much had changed that he wasn’t sure if he was looking at the same girl anymore. He didn’t want to be a villain to his own wife. He regretted that the bond that they now shared was indestructible. To divorce was a sin and they’d both be shamed by their countries. 

“I can find somewhere else to sleep tonight …” You looked up to Peter, seeing how he was trying to hide his sadness. Your chambermaids had prepared you for bed, bathed you, and put you into fresh nightclothes made of the softest silks. 

“It is your room,” You told him quickly, “I should not deprive you of the comfort … the comfort of sleeping next to your own wife.”

“I can tell you do not want me to, my love,” His words made your heart pang. Love. Did Peter love you? At least, did he love the old you? “I will allow you to have all the time that you need. I do not wish to be the source of your nightmares.”

Peter had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to change that fear she felt. 

“Please stay,” You told him as he made a move to leave, “I do not want to be alone.”

You had spent the entire day with your family, and now you just didn’t want to fall asleep in the silence. 

Peter thought for a moment, deciding his plan of action. You couldn’t help that your breath caught in your throat as he approached where you laid on the bed. He didn’t reach to touch you, only to grab a pillow. 

He laid it on the ground beside the massive bed and proceeded to make himself comfortable on the hard floor. You rolled over in the bed, looking over the edge at him, “The floor is no place for a prince, your grace.”

Peter instantly shook his head, “I do not know what you mean, my love. It feels great down here,” You could tell her was lying and a small grin pulled at your lips. He was willing to sleep on the floor just so you could be comfortable?

“Peter?”

Peter couldn’t help how his heart fluttered when you simply called him by his first name. He liked knowing before that you liked him as a person, not as an authority figure. 

“Yes, Y/N?”

“What kind of things did I use to like?”

Peter didn’t expect the question, but as the memories rushed, he couldn’t help but smile, “You loved your family. You always talked about them, about your people. You wanted everyone to know that you were a princess of two, great kingdoms, not just my own. You made sure they were never forgotten.”

You continued to listen as you pictured it. You hadn’t realized they were memories of your own. 

“You liked to garden. It reminds you of your time with your grandmother. You love the life you can create, the beauty you can make.”

A tear slipped down your face as you remembered the older woman. 

“You liked it when we went out on the boat and rode in the bay. You liked the sound of the ocean and the sun on the skin. You hated that we kept the fish we caught. You hated how they had to die and you insisted that we give them to beggars on the street.”

You realized that this wasn’t some past you that Peter was talking about. The girl he was talking about was still you. She just had a better chance at life. 

“You loved looking at the stars. You smiled for days when I showed you the telescope my father purchased from that French merchant, I swear it.”

“Peter, I-I am sorry,” Peter noticed you were crying and shot up from his spot, reaching to hold your hand, “You are nothing like him. You are nothing like him.”

“Do not cry, please,” Peter begged, rubbing soothing circles on your skin, “There is nothing to apologize for. Whatever this is, we will get through it.”

As his thumb brushed the tear from your cheek, you saw him clearly. You could look into those brown eyes and know he’d never hurt you. 

+

Hope you enjoyed! (Also sorry, please don’t ask for a second part)

[jaedreaminn]

Queen of Hearts

Summary

In a world where all you were capable of doing was stealing hearts and breaking them, causing chaos and shattering any form of love, giving someone your heart seemed impossible.

You needed hearts to survive so you could only steal and sit on all the love in the world because giving love was your biggest weekness.

But maybe you didn't mind being weak for him. And maybe you let go for just this once. And maybe you forgot that there was always a higher power...

Pairings: Jungwoo x fem!reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Manipulation, Supernatural, mythical, sad ending.

Warnings: Death

Word Count: 2.7k

You sat on your throne as you looked out at the chaos you created, Hearts broken and left to burn in the pits of hell you called your existence. Sucking the love out of anything is what you did best and this is what gave you a tiny semblance of joy.

The cool wind swept through your hair as you sat at your balcony looking out at the mess you made, a smile graced your lips.

To anyone else everything was normal but only you knew what you did to turn this neighbourhood of pure happy hearts to something so tainted.

The convince store below your apartment seemed peaceful but only you knew that the owner was having second thoughts about what he thought was a happy 20 year-long marriage. About how he suddenly desired anything but his wife. Of course, after having a taste of you and the possibility that he could have you why would he want to go back to his wife?

You smirked looking at the topmost apartment on the four-story building in front of your apartment, where a girl sat staring at nothing in particular longingly, waiting for her lover to return from the military but you knew he wouldn't return to her, instead he would run away with another man. But the false hope you gave her would lead to the perfect heartbreak once she gets the news.

Your gaze wandered to the ground floor which was mostly empty except for the dead man that lay in that flat for four days now. Killed by his own son who ran away to the military.

On the second floor lived that dead man's ex-wife who was diligently preparing a meal to take up to the fourth floor, cluelessly in love with someone who will never be hers. You were disappointed though, she didn't know her feelings towards the girl, and so she still seemed happy and content treating the girl like her own ‘daughter’

You hated that she was happy but guessed you couldn't have everything.

The third floor was your favourite. The most sinful house among all, with dim lights and loud moans.

He was a young man who had everything but that wasn't enough for him so he tortured his finance until she left him and then found a new target. A much older target.

'The wife of the convince store owner and the psychopath- a disaster in the making' the thought amused you.

You smirked knowing that without your help everything would be normal and not as exciting as it is now. You knew that if not for you introducing people and giving them a little nudge nothing would have happened.

Three knocks at your door put an end to your little session of basking in the glory of your creation. You sighed as you made your way towards your front door.

It was either your next victim who you met at the bar yesterday, the amazon delivery guy with the clothes you ordered or the baine of your existence.

Your door swung open and you came face to face with the cutest,, cheekiest smile ever. Turns out it was the baine of your existence, your neighbour.

"What are you doing here" you scowled.

"Don't pretend to be mad" he spoke letting himself into your apartment, making his way towards your couch. "You absolutely love my presence"

The one person that had so much love to give that even if you steal his heart a thousand times he's never run out of it. And it was impossible to break his heart because it just was so well guarded.

"You’re intruding my own personal time Jungwoo" you frowned.

"All you do is sit on that chair in your balcony and stare outside like an absolute creep," he says rolling his eyes. "Mrs. LaBlanc is quite creeped out by you"

The only reason that old hag was creeped out by you was because she knew that you knew more about her crush on the 4th-floor girl than she did.

"You're quite chummy with Mrs. LaBlanc aren't you?" You said smirking trying your best shot at starting something.

"The only person I get chummy with is the food from McDonalds," Jungwoo said mirroring your smirk and you frowned.

"I'm being serious love if you like her you should take your chances with her," you said seriously, an encouraging smile gracing your face that all your past victims believed as if it was their Holy book.

"What makes you say that “Jungwoo said spacing out slightly, thinking.

Ha! Jackpot. He was seriously thinking about your question now.

"Third person’s point of view hun," you said looking at his brown orbs that didn't seem to notice your stare. "I see what you don't see"

"Your right," he said turning to you, expression serious. "You do see what I don't"

You finally had him. But that was too easy...

"You don't see what I do so you obviously won't know how much I'm NOT attracted to her," he said flashing you his signature smile.

You smiled back. You were used to this now, it was impossible to crack him and you just knew it wasn't going to be easy.

"You pay an awful lot of attention to me," Jungwoo said a sly smirk playing on his face.

"It's because you're my favourite" you winked at him.

"But for someone who’s your favourite you're always trying to set me up with people other than you," he said pointedly. The statement catching you off guard.

Yes, they fell in love with you often, but to them, you were only forbidden fruit. But pretending to date them was harsh and it gave you the most joy but it was the cruellest, you just didn't expect Jungwoo to be one of the victims whose heart you would break yourself.

You smirked "If you wanted a date with me all you had to do was ask" you said, sitting on the arm of the couch as you trailed your fingers up his arm.

"So is that a yes?" He asked hopeful puppy eyes shining.

"Of course" you smiled at him.

This was it, this was the start.

When he said date you honestly expected to be taken to McDonald's.

So you were rather surprised when he took you for a movie with the best seats, followed by a fancy diner.

But his company was fun and he radiates the perfect feeling of love for you to suck up. It would be so fun breaking him.

He was so sweet and innocent and pure.

He 'walked you home' even though you were neighbours and even hesitated before kissing you and sending you home.

It was a lovely feeling and you knew you were going to have the time of your life with this one.

For the victims directly involved with you, you usually had a process that you follow.

It was a three-stage full proof plan.

The first stage- The 'I'm on top of the world with your touch' stage.

It was where you couldn't get enough of each other.

The dates continued and suddenly Jungwoo was always where you were.

And you were always where Jungwoo was.

You two couldn't keep your hands off each other. And as you saw it, you had him right where you wanted him.

"You're warm," you said nuzzling your head against Jungwoo chest. It was a Sunday, the day where the world seemingly slows down and the two of you were on your couch, in each other's arms.

"You're cold" he chuckled. You looked up at him and raised your eyebrow.

"What?! He whined laughing, “That makes you perfect," he said grinning widely, placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

You knew you were cold, it was just people would usually never point that out.

"My body heat being that of a dead corpse makes me perfect" you said sarcastically giving him a forced smile with zero malice "Nice to know"

Jungwoo chuckled, brushing his hands through your soft hair "Yes that way I can cuddle you without it getting too hot for me and you're cold self gets all warmed up by me" he stopped to look at you and smiled "It's perfect"

You smiled at him and leaned forward, capture his lips in yours.

He was smitten by you and that meant stage one was going perfectly.

Things progressed as you wanted it to and you reached stage two- The 'You're dating me right?' stage.

You flirted with guys in front of Jungwoo face and called it being friendly. And slowly one by one made him distance himself from all his female friends.

You were possessive of him but lived your life as if you were single.

He always had to come to get you drunk over your ass, at bars with random guys hands all over you. You were always touchy with everyone and made sure Jungwoo saw you. You openly complimented other guys. But the moment he strays for even a second you pulled on his leash and held onto him.

You didn't let him even talk to girls. Made sure to get extra touchy with him the moment a girl started flirting with him. If he smiled at anyone you'd demand his full attention to be back on you and he gave you the attention you wanted without batting his eyes. Without complaining and with zero resistance, you didn't have to force it out of him, unlike your other victims he just gave it to you.

But that was also a downside, he still stuck with you even though you flirted with other men and we're getting handsy with other men right in front of him and it didn't seem to bother him at all.

And you tried everything in your power to make him jealous, making him feel ugly feelings. To make him want to be demanding but he never blinked once when it came to you trying to rile him up, it almost seemed as if he didn't care but at the same time he did everything he could to show you he cared for you and loved you. And you thrived on the love and affection and heart eyes he gives you and only you.

And he became your obsession.

Stage three was the stage you give him your everything and then just pull away, taking everything away with you.

(Less creative name, you know, but it works)

It was an important stage and you let him believe you loved him.

You took care of him when he was sick, cooked for him, held him close to you. Kept his heart in your tiny cold hands.

You would visit him after work and take him out, help him whenever you could and was just there for him.

This was the stage where you got past the difference in opinion in your relationship but that wasn't hard for you since the only difference in opinion between you two were whether you should eat burgers with tomato sauce or barbecue sauce.

This was the more domestic stage. Where things seemed to be settling down and where it was very easy to fool someone into thinking that this is what love should look like.

You watched him carefully as he sat on the desk in your apartment typing away in his laptop, brows scrunched in concentration and tongue poking out.

"I can't concentrate with you staring at me," he said eyes still glued to his laptop and you felt heat rush to your cheeks.

"I like to stare at what's mine" you replied back immediately and he only smiled.

"I know I can see the heart eyes," he said turning to face you and smiling.

Heart eyes? He was clearly reading more into what you feel for him. Or maybe you've just gotten better at acting.

You looked at the smiling boy and maybe you didn't mind if you held onto him for a long time because while every other victim of yours always wavered in giving you their affection his was constant.

You constantly stole pieces of his heart and it still never decreased in size. It was as if his heart was eternal and you liked that. After all, you were the queen of hearts and what was better than having a forever giving heart?

Maybe you'd keep him after he admits to loving you.

"Heart eyes? Only people who love each other can see those" you joked and he stilled looking at you expectantly.

"You love me?" He asked carefully and you smiled.

Here it was. Here is where you trap him with you forever.

"Don't you love me?" you asked, smiling at him cheekily.

"I asked you first" he pouted. "That means you don't love me so forget it" he sighed going back to whatever work he was doing.

"Ok fine!" you exclaimed loudly to get his attention back onto you "fine," you said more calmly and carefully this time.

If you had to say it first so that he says it back and you can trap his heart with you forever then so be it. It's not like you minded anyway you did love what he was offering you.

"I love you," you said with the sincerest tone, too sincere but it didn't matter as you looked into Jungwoos warm and bright eyes.

And he smiled the biggest smile that you have seen him smile yet and it was directed to you and you felt as if you were floating as he looked back at you with that look on his face.

"Great," he said and your bubble burst and you frowned at the odd response.

He closed his laptop and quickly picked up his belongings.

"What are you doing?" you asked standing up from your seat in confusion, you felt weak at the sudden drain of hearts from your being.

"I'm breaking up with you," he said still smiling but it had a sinister undertone to it.

"What why?" You cried out still confused and feeling weaker by the passing second.

"Cus I don't love you," he said casually "Never have" he shrugged.

"W-what how," you asked making your way towards him "But you're supposed to love me"

"But I don't," he said eyes cold and no more as welcoming and comforting as before. You reached out to hold his hand and your eyes widened and a gasp left your mouth, Jungwoo smirked at your reaction. His hands were cold, ice cold.

He wasn't warm anymore and you retracted your hand away immediately. You felt yourself growing weaker as the seconds passed.

"How can you n-not love me?" You felt yourself shiver.

He just laughed at your question "What you think I'd ever love you?" He pointed at you accusingly "Just because you are the queen of hearts doesn't mean you're invincible" he said smirking and your eyes widened in fear and you fell to the ground, the coldness spreading through you quickly.

He stole every heart you had ever stolen from you. Leaving you empty.

"H-how d-did you k-know?" You managed to get out through chattering teeth, your body slowly growing colder "A-are you the King" white puffs of air surrounded you as you spoke. He couldn't be.

"King?" He laughed the smirk never leaving his lips. He bent down to your level "Don't you think you would have realised if I was the King of hearts?" He said grabbing onto your chin and staring into your dying eyes. Your eyes widened as you struggled to speak and to move away from the man.

How could you have been so stupid? You should have seen the signs- you were always where Jungwoo was more than he was where you were, you were obsessing over him when it should have been the other way round and you admitted to loving him before he admitted to loving you. He tricked you, he made you feel loved only to remind you that you were never going to get a love that lasts because you didn't have a heart and there was no love strong enough in this world that would never fade away, it was meant to always be that way. But you couldn’t help but slip this one time, letting yourself fall in love. He was draining you off all the hearts you had, leaving you lifeless. And the worst part was you let him. You let this happen but yet you couldn't hate yourself for loving him. Even as it slowly killed you.

He let out a soft chuckle. "Not that powerful in front of the Ace of hearts now are you?" he said throwing his coat over his shoulder walking out the front door with all the hearts that once belonged to you as well as the life that once belonged to you as you slowly faded into nothingness.

A/n: So I showed this to my friend and she hated the fact that this has a sad ending so I do have a alternate happy ending for this fic but I'm not sure if I should post it or not?

[syndianites]

A Queen Serve and Protects

Chapter Six

First Chapter –> Last Chapter –> Current –> Next Chapter TBA! Summary:

Post-Style Queen, Pre-Queen Wasp.

Chloe finds the Bee Miraculous, but instead of finding an obliging, subservient Kwami, she finds the Kwami of Order and Subjugation, and Pollen is not about to let herself be used like Nooroo was.

Granted, the only danger in a teenage girl is the damage she poses to herself. Can Pollen shape Chloe into a hero? Or will she stubbornly refuse to change and remain the bitter, harsh person the city has long since known?

[My take on how Chloe’s character could have developed] ——————————————————————————————

Pollen tapped the tablet pen on the table. School had ended and the duo was officially home.

“Chloe,” Pollen began. “It has come to my attention that you don’t do your own work.”

“So?” Chloe nonchalantly replied, crossing one leg over the other from where she sat on the chaise in front of Pollen.

Pollen tried not to roll her eyes. “So, I want you to learn how to be self-sufficient.”

Chloe scoffed. “I am plenty self-sufficient.”

“Really?” Pollen had a sweet smile on her face. “Then prove it.”

:readmore:

Before Chloe could make any remark, Polle flew over to her school bag. It looked more like a purse, honestly, with how much makeup and accessories she had stashed away inside. Seriously, what did you need an extra pair of heels for?

Pollen shook off the thought and grabbed the binder Chloe used for class, as well as her homework folder. Brining both items back to the table, she flipped the folder open. She pulled out the first sheet of homework she saw- something math related- and waved a paw at it.

Chloe gave her a dumbfounded look. “You want me to do that? Sabrina normally does.”

Pollen raised an eyebrow.

“Ugh, fine, I get it.” Chloe grumbled. “What does doing my own work have to do with being self-sufficient anyway?”

“When was the last time you did your own school work.”

“Ughhhh!”

Letting out a little giggle, Pollen decided to make a compromise, “For every question you get correct, I’ll let you ask a question about the Bee miraculous and its powers. However!” Pollen held a paw up before Chloe could get too excited, “For each you get wrong, you have to listen to some history and background on the miraculous.”

“Ooo-kay? How is that a loss for me? I still get to know what I want to know,” Chloe replied.

If only the poor girl knew.

Pollen beamed. “I’m glad you asked! You know how much you love our ‘Bee Nice’ Sessions?”

Chloe groaned.

“Anything I tell you will come along with lessons. I will tell you tales that are important for a number of reasons. And you have to sit through all of them!”

Chloe’s eye twitched. That sounded excruciating. Buuuut, she did want to know more about what powers the Bee miraculous could give her. It was just a simple math worksheet. Surely, it couldn’t be that hard. So Chloe took out a blank sheet of paper and began working.

She was wrong. So, so wrong. Chloe was by no means a bad student. She got solid B’s and pleased her daddy enough with her grades to get by. Did she need to have a study session with Sabrina before each test or quiz to get the contents down? Yes.

But that was all pish-posh. She figured if she could pick up enough for a test or quiz a day before it, she could do homework with no problem. Apparently, she hadn’t been giving Sabrina enough credit. That girl made it so much easier than this.

It didn’t help that her notes were a total disaster. Half-finished sentences, unclear instructions, and a clear lack of interest in each page. For a moment Chloe cursed her own apathy. She wanted to know more, damnit! 

By the time she finished she felt exhausted. Pollen, ever chipper, hummed as she looked through each question. She procured a pen and started making marks. That was a lot of red. Oh GOD, there was so much red.

Pollen tapped the pen to her chin in thought. Giving a nod, she wrote a score at the top of her sheet.

6/15. 

That was just under half! And that meant she would have failed had it been a test. Chloe resisted the urge to hit her head on the table. She could not afford to be forced into tutoring. Again.

Despite Chloe’s despair, Pollen was excited. This was better than she was expecting! Sure, she had been hoping for closer to a 75% or 80%, but Chloe at least had the idea down.

Plus this meant she could drill some more lessons into her charge.

Rubbing her paws together, she addressed Chloe. “Alright. Since it is almost an even split, let’s go back and forth with questions and history. I’ll start with a history lesson first, since you missed more than you got correct. But since I’m feeling nice, I’ll give you a choice here: Would you rather hear some history about my previous holders first, or about all the miraculous as a whole?”

“Your past wielders, of course! I need to know who would be so lucky to use the same miraculous as moi.” Chloe flipped her hair back to accentuate her point.

Pollen huffed. Nonetheless, she thought back to her past holders, humming all the while. Who would be the best to start with to help Chloe learn? 

She smiled as someone came to mind. “Now, before we start, I should say that we aren’t always deployed to battle some great evil. Sometimes, we are let out into the world to help inspire something. For me, I either inspire Order and Control. Or, when that gets to be too much, I inspire freedom from Order and Control.”

“Wait,” Chloe interrupted. “Why would you go against your whole Order thing?”

“I thought you wanted to talk about past wielders first,” Pollen brought a paw up to her lips to hide a smile. “To get into that would mean I would have to talk about all the miraculous.”

“Ugh, fine, whatever. Tell me the basics about all the miraculous first. But! You better tell me about your past users after!” Chloe conceded, pouting at the little god.

Pollen started again. “Like I said, we don’t always need a great evil to fight. At their core, each miraculous is meant to balance out their respective aspects. Tikki- Ladybug’s kwami- is the kwami of Light and Creation, for example. She is largely put out into the world to inspire new ideas and innovation.”

Chloe scrunched her nose in confusion. “Didn’t you say you also get put out to stop Order and Control? Why would you ever want to stop Light and Creation?”

“Well,” Pollen looked off to the side. “You can’t endlessly create. Tikki works on a more individual scale. She inspires Light and Creation in people as individuals. I, however, inspire Order and Subj- Control in a much larger scheme. After all, a bee’s focus is on the hive, isn’t it?”

“In any case, sometimes people burn themselves out when creating too much or spreading too much light. If you give and give and give, what is left for you? Nothing. And those left with nothing often crumble and fall apart- or worse. Tikki, when she is needed to, can either help her holder ease off themselves or help their holder teach others to let go of such demanding responsibility.”

Chloe nodded slowly. That… sort of made sense. “So it’s like when Adr- a friend of mine kept being happy and smiling even after his mother died to help others stop being sad. Because he wanted others to feel ‘lighter’” She made finger quotes, “Despite the tragedy that happened?”

“Yes, that could be a good example,” Pollen agreed. “If your friend gave away all his light and such to others, it could burn him out and leave him feeling empty and cold. Though, in this case I would lean more into the Peacock- he worked to give good emotion to others to cover their grief. But we’ll get there in a moment.”

“Plagg, Chat Noir’s kwami, is Tikki’s counterpart. He is the kwami of Dark and Destruction.” Pollen stopped as Chloe seemed to ponder that.

“If he is all about dark and destruction, wouldn’t that make him more likely to be evil?” Chloe mused.

Pollen, for her part, wasn’t bothered by the question. “If I am all about order and control, wouldn’t I be more likely to use and abuse people?”

Chloe bit her lip, but shook her head no.

“Exactly. Just because that is what we represent it does not mean we are prone to be good or evil. In the balance of all things, there IS no good and evil. Really, it just comes down to what a certain group likes or dislikes, or how a person’s morals are aligned.”

“Okay, no, Hawkmoth is totally evil. There is no doubt about that. How could taking control of others and using their emotions to turn them into monsters be seen as a good thing?” Chloe didn’t like the idea of Hawkmoth being in the ‘right’ at all. It went against everything he had done to Paris.

“Well,” Polled offered, “Does Hawkmoth see himself as evil?”

Chloe sat back in her seat. If movies were anything to go by, he probably didn’t. She sighed and motioned Pollen to continue

Pollen pushed on. “In any case, Plagg is often put into the world to ruin things. Surprising, isn’t it? But sometimes the best things are made in the ashes of destruction. Growing from losing things is important for many people. Like how your friend lost his mom- he likely felt sad and lost. But if he grew from that? He could learn to see that others will have his back and he can lean on them. Even in the hard times.”

Chloe looked away from Pollen. She was right, sort of. When Adrien’s mom died, Chloe had been there trying her best to cheer him up. Did it really work? No. But she helped him escape the house and run around the city with her, and watch stupid cartoons and shows, and sometimes, just sometimes, get him to smile.

“But losing your mom isn’t a good thing!” Chloe snapped back. “That devastated my friend and his family.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I painted it as such. Loss is a horrible thing to endure. But I wanted to make a connection to something you mentioned.” Pollen bowed her head. “Destruction is rarely a happy thing. But, a more positive example would be something more metaphorical- the destruction of insecurities, or breaking a bad relationship, or- or bashing down a wall so you can open up a room to have more space!”

Sighing, Pollen shook her head. “It is far too easy to see Dark and Destruction as a bad thing. Darkness can be used to hide when you don’t feel safe. Or it can be used to tone down how bright something is when you feel blinded. It can also be used as a complement and give things more depth.”

“Of course, Plagg has also been put out to tame destruction. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘fighting fire with fire’? It’s the idea that you fight destruction with destruction. But he can also help people see their bad habits, or the things that hurt them, and get them to reign them in and stop themselves before it’s too late.”

“Okay, sure, that makes sense. But didn’t you just describe Tikki and Plagg as opposites anyway? Light and Dark, Creation and Destruction? Why do they need to get people to go against their aspect when the other IS the opposite?” Chloe butt in.

Pollen brightened. “That’s technically later in this lesson, but I can touch on it now. You’ve likely noticed that Ladybug and Chat Noir came together as a pair, correct?” At Chloe’s nod, she continued. “That is because they are like Yin and Yang- opposites that complete each other. While other kwamis do have opposites, none quite work the same as Tikki and Plagg. They were once a single being- one that was the kwami of Balance.”

“Well,” Pollen rubbed her cheek, “They weren’t a kwami, per se. But that is too much to explain for right now. You recall how Hawkmoth’s goal is to get the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous?”

“Of course, that’s all he ever talks about when he akumatizes someone!”

“Well, that’s because when you combine the two into one you can have any wish granted.”

“What!” Chloe slammed her hands down on the coffee table, startling Pollen. “That’s horrible! I mean, the power is cool, but if Hawkmoth got his grubby hands on that wish who knows what he would wish for!” 

“Exactly! But there’s a catch with that- whatever you wish for will have an equal and opposite consequence. If you wished for someone to come back to life? Someone else must die. If you want to have all the power in the world? Everyone else must become powerless. These may sound simple, but the gravity is just as dire as the wish would be grand.”

Chloe fell back. “So, if I- well, if I wished for my mom to love me..?”

“It depends,” Pollen shrugged. “Maybe everyone else around you would hate you. Maybe your father would stop loving you. Or, in a more subtle fashion, she wouldn’t love the real you, just a facsimile of you. Whoever she thinks you are. Sure, there are ways to make a wish that has a mostly positive outcome- for the one making the wish- but the consequence will always hurt someone. Even if it has to be a lot of someones.”

The two fell into silence after that declaration. It was a heavy thought. What could drive someone to want to change something so badly they would be willing to suffer or let others suffer for it? How cold hearted must you be? 

The whole thing baffled Chloe. She could just ring her father and have what she wanted with no consequence. Could she imagine doing something so drastic as to ruin someone’s life to make hers better?

Instead of voicing any of this, Chloe leaned forward. “So tell me about the other miraculous…”