#sad lesbian

[8bitskey]

ever wish you could make the perfect girl just appear?

[mikalovesmusic]

Actually sobbing. When will I ever get a short butch who'll kiss me to practice her lines for Romeo and Juliet 😔😔

[myst1xx]

my honest reaction to that information

[acrowseye]

"you can't love someone else if you don't already love yourself" when you cannot find light within yourself you look for it in the stars and my darling when I look at you I realize I have found the sun.

[larissaoftarthweems]

I’m not mentally ready for the last chapter of “In my head” 🧍🏻‍♀️ I’ll definitely need therapy

thanks @weemssapphic for writing such a good series😭 <3

[thegayestpersonalive]

IDGAF

At this point I will just be listening to LoveJoy 24/7 every day because I can and no one can stop!!! >:D oh and because Im still sad that the Quackbur wedding is canceled :]

[fantazzzmita]

She did nothing, I did nothing

and then things ended in nothing

[lazykebabvagina]

Never fall for your friend

[yourfairysworld]

[poetsneverdiemylove]

I actually just want a gf so bad

[sadredstorm07]

For the first time in my life I cried for love. I cried because I could never be with her, because she'll never love me the way I do, because she loves someone else and that person is never gonna be me.

[skunkbutts]

jeez dude, i am woman starved

then just eat more

No, but honestly, same ૮(˶╥︿╥)ა

[mikalovesmusic]

In another universe, we'd still be exchanging paper rings and letters to each other down the hallway. In another universe, we graduated together, our names honored in our speeches. In another universe, you would still take me home by letting me ride on your motorcycle, using the hot pink helmet you bought just for me. In another universe, we moved in together and bought a golden retriever, we named her Honey. In another universe, I proposed to you. I proposed to you in front of our friends and family and a candlelit dinner. Just the way you envisioned your proposal to be when you were thirteen, I read your journal, you didn't know. In another universe, we were happy. Content. Satisfied with our life. We were happily discussing bills and taxes, I would hum your favourite songs in Sunday mornings to wake you up, you would cook us breakfast knowing I burned anything I cooked as long as I was in the kitchen, we danced to slow songs, we kissed each other good night. In another universe, I was content with a life of simplicity, but in this universe, I did the math. There was no solution that didn't require risk. In this universe, we didn't like risk. We didn't like risk to the point that I lost you, and you lost me.

[gayredheadbitch]

Taste me

I glare coldly as I watch them both, feeling like the outsider, knowing it's me she should be with. How she made me believe in love, how she made me believe we had a future and then realised I was being played for a fool. Feeling disgusted, knowing how much she's played with my heart and how long I've let her get away with it. That I was just an experiment, a longterm booty call and something she just needed to get out of her system. How she acts like she's so in love, when in reality she's a mess, she gets her kicks from me and then goes back home to him. Acting like this is normal, clearly she's done this before, sneaked around way too often. When I call her out on it, asking what we are, she just gives me the same reaction; confused, inconsistent. I watch his hands roam her body, owning her, claiming her, confident, like he's the only person in her life, the way his hands caress her hips, feeling every inch of her, enjoying her body. Trying to imprint the feel of her into his brain, imprint this memory for later, wanting to see how far this can go. The way he leads her, teases her, forgetting about anyone else in the room.

I grip my drink, condensation spilling onto my fingertips, if I had super-strength right now the glass would have shattered and I would have barely noticed. All I can focus on his her, all I can see is her, anger coursing through me. His hand rests on her ass, occasionally groping, enjoying the feel of it in his hands, the other lingering on the zip of her dress, her lower back, the skin beneath his fingers. Her hair falling down her back, soft, perfect and tangled in his fingers. I can see everyone watching them, envious, lustful, excited, intrigued. None of them know the truth like I do. I hate that she's done this to me, made me this person, I never thought I was this weak but it's what she's made me, what I became because of her. She's crawled inside my mind and now she's stuck there, like poison. The way she coyly smiles, aware of what she's doing to him, doing to both of us, the way she's playing us like a game, aware of the consequences. The way she presses herself against him, skin flushed, sweaty, teasing him, the way she seeks his touch, trying to rile him up, boil his blood, make him want her. She uses her wiles, her sexuality, all of it to make us weak, to make us want, knowing she has the power. The way he responded to her, his eyes roaming her skin, enjoying her display, encouraging her to keep dancing, keep moving, keep touching him. The silent way he announces that she's his, this is his woman, she belongs to him. Watching her arch her back, her eyes sparkling with mischief, begging for more, eagerly encouraging to keep grinding into her. Practically humping in front of me.

I glare coldly, disgust, anger, confusion and resentment filling me, I feel nothing but bitterness for her, I can't look at her the same, she's a stranger to me now. Watching her put on this show and know how much she's been lying kills me inside, knowing that she's putting on a mask, pretending that she's the dutiful girlfriend. Oh if only he knew what she's really like, the person she truly is, that she's lying about her feelings for him, that she's been cheating. If only she would tell him what a two faced bitch she really is, that she's been spinning webs and making him look like a fool. I hate that she's wrapped us both around her finger, how much she's lying to him, how many secrets she has and how she's normal with juggling us both. How awful I feel for keeping this going, how awful I feel that I've betrayed him, that I've become a part of her cunning plans, that I've been aware of the affair. That I'm the one she comes to when she's lonely, or needs to complain. The way I make her feel better than he ever could, the way I've brought out parts of her she never even knew existed, or had always been there, she just showed them to me instead. The way I've become so experienced and educated with her body, telling me things she could never dream of with him. She wants me in a way she never tells him, she doesn't know how much I hate myself because of her, how she's cried both of our names, how she's slept in both of our beds. I watch her wrap her arms around his neck, leaning into him as she presses her breasts against his chest, his hands resting on her hips. The way she slowly leans into him, presses her lips to his, twisting her tongue into his mouth, sharing spit. Moaning into his lips, smiling against them, sharing endorphins, sharing serotonin. The way she bats her pretty eyes for him like she doesn't know what she's doing.

Like she did for me

Using the same methods to seduce him like she did me, using the same wiles and expertise to lull him into a trap. The way she would wrap her arms around my body, the way her perfume would fog my mind. The way her smile would melt me inside so I couldn't think clearly, knowing just how to make me cave.

I've hit my limit, I can't be part of this anymore and I hate the person I've become because of her. I can't take this self hatred, disgust and loneliness, it's like my body responds to her even though I shouldn't. I can't tell anyone, I can't share it with anyone, they would all turn on me like wolves. I hate how secretive I've become, I hate how I'll always give into her, I hate that she knows my weaknesses and how to manipulate me. I've always loathed cheaters, people who steal someone else's lover and now I'm one of them. I'm not a home wrecker, I don't enjoy knowing that I've been hurting him because I'm sleeping with her. I feel disgusted, never able to wash the feel of her off my skin, her perfume always lingers, her presence always remains. I'm not a cheat, I've never done this to any other girl, I've never revelled in stealing someone else's girl.

I never even started this, the moment I saw her I knew she was off limits and held my ground, staying friendly. I never seduced her, I never told her I could fuck her better than he could. I never wanted this to even happen, I just wanted to live my life and fall in love. She came onto me, she chose to stand on my doorstep and use her wiles on me. The memories of the nights she would find me and beg me to let her in, the nights she calls me drunk and pretended to forget about it the next morning, despite all the endless calls on my phone and the voice message recordings. The nights she's dragged herself to my door, hammering on it until I let her in and drunkenly kissing me like a woman starved.

I hear her, that same whining tone laced with too much booze, the strangers she befriends egging her on thanks to the lies she will spin. Screaming, begging and yelling for me to let her in, saying how much she needs me. Throwing a tantrum because she knows it will work. 

I groan, my hair a mess from sleep, wearing my comfiest pyjama's and just trying to watch something on Netflix. I wish I could just block her out, forget her and pretend she isn't there. I know she won't leave and I know she knows I'm in, she can see my lights on, she can hear my laptop, she can see it all. I groan in frustration, giving in and knowing it's time to face the music, I lift myself from my bed, ready to face the inevitable. The closer I get to my front door, the more the anxiety builds, my hands shaking and my stomach in knots, the door seems like some harrowing, terrifying thing. She's waiting on the other side for me, waiting for me to let her in, waiting to be ravished. I slowly step down the stairs, wishing I had the courage to turn her away, slowly reaching out for the doorknob, twisting it in my hand as my mouth turns dry. I lick my lips as I open my front door, night air hitting me immediately, the coolness reminding me of how empty I feel. 

She smiles as she see's me, her eyes lighting up, filled with drunkenness and eagerness. Giggling playfully as she knows she's won, her wiles and begging have done me in and now I'm trapped in her web. She wraps her arms around my neck slowly, smiling at me, I can smell the booze on her breath, she presses her breasts against mine, slinking into me "Misssssed yooooouuuuuu" she slurs. I frown, the smell of sweet alcohol on her breath, the smeared makeup and that catlike grin. I hate knowing that I'm attracted to her, that I should be repulsed by her actions and push her off me. She could have gone to him, but she came to me instead, she always comes to me, her dirty little secret. I raise my hands to steady hers, slowly creating some distance, I want to push her away or ask her what's she's doing here. Make her look like a fool. She notices and pouts "Won't you let me iiiiinnn?" she asks. 

I frown, I know I will, I always let her in because I'm too kind, because I don't want her to get hurt. I tell myself just for some water, but I know where it's going to go. I know I won't be able to resist, I should just slam the door on her and tell her to leave. 

She says she's confused, she says she doesn't know what she wants, who she wants. She can't deny that she's in love with him but she also can't deny that she's attracted to me. She won't break up with him but she can't deny that she likes me too, that there is something between us, that she's never felt this way about anyone before, not even another girl. Sweet words that are actually poison, she's buttering me up to make me feel better about the fact that she's cheating. I hate her for doing this to me, for sinking her claws in and wrecking my life, using her feminine wiles to mess with my heart and make me question my morality. I resent her for hurting him, the way he looks at her like she's the only woman in existence, the way he treats her so well and always puts her first. He's always checking in, always surprising her, always making her feel wanted and loved. For playing us both for fools, making us believe she loves us, making us feel like she can't live without us. When we go out and she's all over him, but she'll follow me to the bathroom and slink her hand into my jeans. She'll drag me into a stall and her hands will be all over me, grabby, needy and desperate.

He has no idea that she's doing this show for me, that she's dancing because she knows I'm watching, he has no idea that she's glancing at me with hungry eyes, like a wolf watching a lamb. She knows I'll take the bait, she knows how to rile me up and make me jealous and she loves it. I know she's thinking of me, thinking of all the nights I've spent caressing every inch of her, the way I've made her beg, the way I've made her cry. The way our bodies have connected, the way I've woken up to her in my bed and regretted it after.

Does she want me? Or does she want him?

Is she ever going to be honest with either of us or keep playing this game? Why does she hurt me? Why does she make me want things I shouldn't? She's giving me hope that she might choose me, might be honest for once. When she kisses him, does he taste me on her lips? Does he taste the sweetness of my lips? Does he taste her essence on them? Does he smell my perfume? Does he know where my hands have been? That the newfound confidence she has, the cockiness, the entitlement, it's all because she knows she can get away with it. I know her body well, every inch, every crescent, every part. I've memorised it like a song on repeat, burned into my memory so I can never forget, haunting me no matter what I do. My fingers, my tongue, my hands, it's all touched her, I know her body so well it sickens me. I feel filthy, I feel like the other woman and I hate it, my bitterness consuming me, remembering before I never knew her and wishing I can go back. Go back and warn myself to stay away from her.

I feel like a toy she uses to satiate her needs when I'm not enough, coming to me because it's easy and she knows how lonely I am. She knows how touch starved I am. She was playing mind games, knowing I'd cave, knowing what she does to me. Knowing that I'm lonely, knowing how she just has to bat her eyes at me, knowing that I'll cave. But I'm done playing her stupid games, I'm done hurting him because she can't choose, I won't entangle myself in her webs any further. I'm done being the other woman.

No more

I slink away into the back of the bar, the smoking area, the part where all the loners go, the smell of nicotine, laughter, beer and more fills my senses. Groups of strangers gossiping, people brought together, loud conversations and some phone calls; girls crying over their exes, telling stories and making friends. I pull my coat tighter around myself in the cool winter air, seeing my breath unfurl like the smoke of a dragon. I become a shadow, I never existed, nobody knows me, I was never here, I never came and I don't belong here. Nobody will ask questions, nobody will clock me and everyone will just think I'm headed home after a long night. She won't see me, she won't even know where I went, she'll eventually click and by that time it will be too late. She'll be trapped and I won't be there to pick up the pieces like she wants. I was here and then I wasn't, like a fleeting memory, a brief connection that was severed. But then she never does, she never saw me as anything but a tool, she just enjoyed using me as a means to an end. She never cared how much it hurt, how bad it made me feel and how much she made me hate myself.

It's time to cut ties, sever the link and get rid of her, to cleanse myself of her poison, to get her shrill voice out of my head. I'm repulsed by the person I've become by just knowing her. The woman who's screwing me while she's fucking him. I grabbed my phone as soon as I was far enough away, the club music getting more and more distant the further I walk. If I don't do this now I'll never be able to, I'll keep playing this game until it kills me. My hands shaking as I do so, staring at her contact details.

It's over, I'm done playing your games

I know she'll see it, I know she'll panic and get confused, she'll put the pieces together until her stomach drops and reality hits. Come looking for me or try to break down my door, begging her to let me in. I know some businesses that are open late and locals that will do me a favour. Time to change the locks, ban her from my sanctuary. I click on her contact, and immediately click block, making sure she can't reach out and she doesn't know me anymore. I don't need her anymore, I don't want her anymore, going through my phone, finding all my socials, all my contacts, erasing her from all of them, everything that reminds me of her.

Her boyfriend is a nice guy, and no I don't mean that as a snide comment, she's a genuine person. She found herself a keeper, she found herself someone who wants a future with her. He actually puts in the effort and cares about her and she's cheating on him. He's never cheated, he never even looks at other women, he spends all his time bragging about her. He dotes on her, looks at her like she's sunshine incarnate and lights up everytime she's near. He's even talked about marriage, considering a life with her, the whole ceremony and everything. He'd eventually find out that she would never settle for just him. He's always been an open book with her, no lies and no secrets, he's never gaslit her, he always tells her when he's with the boys and sends pictures and shares his location. They all boost him up about how lucky he is, they all celebrate and tease him for how lucky he is. He's if a golden retriever became a person, big doting eyes and cuddles all the time. He has no idea what a poisonous witch she is and he deserves better than that, a woman playing with his heart and sneaking around. I've enabled her too long and I need to be honest. I flick through to his contact on my phone, she can't lie her way out of this one and I know he'll believe me over her. Sending the death blow to her, covering all my tracks.

What do I taste like? That's me on her lips

I send the text so easily it scares me, I feel no fear or hesitation telling him that she's cheating. I just stabbed her in the back and I'm walking away like I'm innocent, but then I'm a cruel person too. I've been betraying his trust by enabling her cheating, warming my bed with her body. But I've rid myself of her, rid myself of her games, I need to heal and I need to learn how to live again. I don't block him, I don't delete his contact, I don't cut myself from him, I've done nothing wrong, we're both just victims of her selfish actions.

I close the door behind me, locking it, bolting it, shutting her out permanently. Putting up as many barriers as I can, protecting myself from the storm that will come. I already know it is, I have to protect myself from it. Feeling myself leaning against the door, my legs shaking, the heaviness kicking in, my breath heaving, panic kicking in. My lip trembling, my vision blurry with the tears that threaten to fall, my throat tight as I feel the sobs about to erupt. Wondering if she ever loved me, wondering if I'm a terrible person? I stagger slowly up the stairs towards my room, the world felt like a dream, wanting some form of comfort to heal the wounds opening within me. This doesn't feel like reality. Collapsing on my bed with a heavy sigh, feeling myself tremble as silent sobs escape my lips as the tears spill down my cheeks. I want this all to be a bad dream, I won't be the same person when I wake up. The cool night air still on my cheeks, hot tears against cold skin.

It's done, it's finally over, she's gone, she can't darken my doorway, she can't entangle me in her webs. I'm done, I'm not playing her games anymore, I'm not her toy for when she's can find someone else who's more pathetic and desperate than I am. She could find someone else to mess with, she can find someone else to keep her bed warm. I can move on, I can mourn, I can heal, I can erase her from my mind, I can erase her memory from my heart and mind. I can be happy, I can actually find someone who wants me, needs me, loves me. I think of that girl I've been crushing on, the one who always notices me, senses my moods and lights up when I enter a room. Maybe I can finally get coffee with that cute barista, the one who always remembers my order and gives me an extra muffin. I can finally meet a better girl who will treat me as I deserve, give me the happy ending I want.

I'm so tired, I've realised how tired I am and how exhausting it is being around her. How she's been draining me for so long and I just kept letting it happen. She's so exhausting, trying to keep up with the endless circles she kept me running around. Her excuses, her lies, her crocodile tears and her desperation, how she'll tell him, how she'll choose and how things will work out. I don't need her in my life, I don't need her fake innocence and her simpering words, I don't need to see her face again. I don't need to watch her fall in love with him while I'm just a scapegoat, a side piece, a toy. I don't need to watch their love story knowing she's got eyes for someone else. Then play games with me, sliding into my bed and begging me to fuck her. I don't want to be a part of her mess, I don't want to be a part of her life.

My phone flashes with a response, of course he did?

But so soon

How long...

Not the response I expected, I expected anger, I expected retaliation, to be called a liar and more. I can picture it now, the harrowing, empty expression of defeat as his world is ripped apart. Knowing she wasn't the person she said she was, that she was stringing him along for the ride. Casually checking his phone while she has no idea, enjoying the rest of her night carefree. I've just dropped a bombshell and cut her off, she won't be able to talk her way out of this. Being abandoned in the club while he kicks her out and changes the locks, she can find someone else to go home with. Shutting her out like she never existed, making peace with what I've done.

I sigh, my eyes still blurry, I wipe away the tears bravely, shakily typing my words. I never wanted to hurt anyone, I don't know why I kept letting her in. He's such a good person, he's so kind and I've enabled such heartache, now maybe we could both be free of her.

Six months, she would always sneak to my house, pushing me to open the door, she kept begging, drunken stupors and wine nights. She wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm so sorry to hurt you, we both deserve better

She never took no for an answer, she kept saying that she will make up her mind, that she would talk to him. She kept saying she felt something between us, but then told me she couldn't leave him. She kept telling me she loved me and she just needed time to work things out, but she knew I would never leave. I had to make that choice for myself and prove her wrong. But she played us both for fools.

I see the bubble appear and disappear for a while before he responds

Thank you

I smile, I can imagine the relief and burden I've just helped him overcome, knowing it's not all in his head and she is a liar. I know he knows and he'll confront her, embarrass her, humiliate her. He'll make a scene and someone will film this, spreading it all over the internet, everyone will see. The scary thing about nice guys, is when you scorn them, when you hurt the genuine keepers, they become someone scary. They turn all of your deceit onto you and make you regret ever hurting them. The villain you took for granted, the person that someone else deserved more than you.

Her world is about to be ripped apart, unable to pick up the pieces and fix her mistakes, we won't let her. It's over, her actions will finally know consequences, she can't hide anything anymore. We will both be rid of her, left in a pit of her own shame and everyone will know what she did. We will be rid of her poison and lies, we deserve better, we deserve more than a woman who uses her appeal to seduce us and then acts like nothing happened. Teasing us both into believing she wanted us and then plays us both for fools, dancing between us because she can. She's just a witch, casting a spell on us both and making us believe she loved us, always playing games with hapless fools.

[lucethepuss]

been listening to a lot of phoebe bridgers and paramore lately. something has shifted.

[larissaoftarthweems]

i need a very long hug right now