#said they never got it even tho it was still transferring to the email they gave me

[cassiaslair]

hey y’all!

i know some of you purchased my carrd templates prior to me moving them to the carrd marketplace.

please make sure you accept the transfer within 48 hours at the most, or i’ll be canceling the transfer and you’re going to have to ask me again!!

i will be a little honest and say it does get irritating waiting on people to accept a carrd site for three months ;w; if you request me to send it again, please make sure you accept it right away!!

please also make sure you’re giving me the correct e-mail address. i know some people have multiple carrd accounts to avoid paying for premium, so please double check all accounts for the transfer.

[time-keeps-passing-by]

I really should be doing my school work right now. (That’s another story for another time cause I’m majorly fucking up academically rn) BUT

I wanted to write this out cause I’ve NEVER seen another person post about this and idk it’s a pattern with myself I’ve noticed and idk if anyone else has had the same experience but it would be nice to know.

There are many people on here whose FP is their significant other but let me tell you something. For a lot of us our FP relationship is platonic.

I spent a lot of time throughout my journey learning about my diagnosis wondering if I really had BPD because I have never been romantically linked with any of my FP’s (minus my first gf I guess but that was A MAJORLY ABUSIVE AND SHITTY on and off relationship so idk)

Anyway if made me feel really alone and also shameful because of the pattern I started to recognize when it comes to FP’s throughout my life.

1. I can remember as far back as pre school having an FP. My biological mom used to have to pull me away from my teachers after school (when she’d show up anyway) I would talk non stop to her about my two teachers who I loved oh so dearly, my mother even punished me because she felt I loved my teachers more than her…

Next one was kindergarten, I used to bring her gifts even when I moved on to higher grades, then my learning specialist in 4th and 5th grade. I wrote her an email thanking her for “being like a mom to me” and my foster parents got VERY angry as the email sent back to my inbox (kinda glad my teacher didn’t see it tho cause CRINGE)

After that it was all teachers, nurses, etc. the thing that freaks me out the most is throughout my life (though I’ve had Male FP’s as well) all my FP’s were women who were my mothers age (when I was separated from her, they all are mothers themselves, very maternal, and usually people who were in semi caregiver roles outside the home for me as it was…

Because of this I really started to shame myself because “it’s mommy issues” and even some of my FP’s picked up on that knowing my history and it scared many of them especially as I got older.

I’ve grown a lot since this. I mean I really have been able to push myself to comfort and parent myself, but going to college I gained a new FP and in the beginning it was DEF an unhealthy transference I mean the first words she said to me was “I may be motherly but I’m not YOUR mother” like yeah no duh also damn… that one sentence alone still haunts me to this day.

Now my relationship with this person has THANK GOD moved away from her being an FP we now have a mutual friendship, she is a support, a mentor, and though I have times where I can feel myself splitting (good or bad) I can center myself and realize that this friend is simply that and we care about each other very genuinely as friends would but I keep weary of boundaries always, I still feel guilty asking her for help or relying on her at all which I have to change as that’s sometimes what friends are for!

I don’t know how many people relate to this I feel it may be a bit niche but yeah. Truth be told I can’t even believe I’m writing this… I’m still so ashamed of myself that this pattern existed in me but I realize it’s my inner child. She is so wounded and scared. I don’t think I was looking for a “replacement mother” at all or Consciously anyway but rather I was craving the affection, safety, support, nurturing I never had. It wasn’t all on my mother, father or my foster parents that I was like this, it’s just something I craved so deeply.

I am so scared one day my friend will find this or catch on in some way that she was my FP at one point and that I did look at her almost like a mother (eh idk maybe not but close?) I feel like I took advantage of her maternal instinct though I know that isn’t true.

Now after all this time I’ve made a friend, someone I look up to for my future career and my future as a person. I hope to be there for others and mentor them as she did me.

She may not be my FP anymore (I mean I love her don’t get me wrong BUT) we are so close now and a friendship is almost scarier to me. I fear I may lose her, I mean I’ll graduate or fail out eventually and I always wondered will she really stay in touch? She told me she always would and I believe her, but life changes all the time and I can’t imagine life without her or any of my other supports…

Sorry I’m just rambling at this point…

[prorevenge]

Someone stole 25k from me, it ended costing him half a million dollars.

A preamble:

I was married to a very OCD and pragmatic man. For example, for him, a big romantic gesture, had been to leave me alone for 24 hours at the hospital right after I had our son, so he could go pay bills and mow the lawn (20 years later I do understand he really did express love this way. But that’s another story)

I was in dire need of physical contacts because he’d never touched me, unless he wanted (very bland) sex, and also never ever kissed me.

The story is not about him, it’s only a preamble

So, I divorce him, not just for what’s above mind you, I wrote about it to explain the state of mind I was in when I met this other person that we’ll call PS.

PS was the total opposite, he was very in tunes with his emotions, he was very, very intense (this will be important later). He really expressed love like I thought I needed. On our first date, the waitress asked how long we had been together since he was so into me and touching me.

He made me feel amazing. He had a huge house and a rather flashy lifestyle, so I assumed he was really well off. He told me he owned a car wash and a phone marketing company.

Fast forward a bit, at this point we had been dating for about a year, and he had just asked me (and my son) to move in with him. I wasn’t 100% sure but he prepared the room for my son nonetheless. As I started spending more time in his house (still keeping mine) I also started to see strange behaviour. He’d be up all night, but sleep all day, I also overheard a few phone calls where I was telling people they owed money and needed to pay but the conversations didn’t fit with a carwash or phone marketing.

At some point, he told me he was having money problem he said huge clients were late in paying and that is was jeopardizing his house payments. So, I stupid me offered to help, I’m missing a part of this story because it started as me offering help with the house since we were there a lot (still had my house tho). but it ended up with me lending him 25K. I cannot remember that progression.

It was for 3 weeks he said. I’d have it all back in 3 weeks. 3 weeks…

That 25k$ came from my retirement savings/son’s college money, so I had to pay a fine to access it.

It’s also money it took me 10 years to put aside. That money was very important to me.

During those 3 weeks, I went out to have drinks with my friends… and found him on a date with another woman. I saw him French kissing another woman… I said nothing, went to his house, packed my shit and left.

So anyway, I thought he’d be an adult and would still give me the 25k the end of this 3 weeks. Big mistake.

Someone I knew told me he was glad I left and proceeded to tell me about him, he said PS was a junky, hooked on GHB, hence why he was so intense and so into his emotions. That also explained the erratic sleep/night patterns but the final blow what when he told me PS was also a con man. A “Specialist” in defrauding older people by phone., his so-called “phone marketing company”

In the beginning, I wasn’t sure I believed it, but then bits of what I had overheard in the last year started to make sense, And I realized it was all true. Back to this later.

I tried having my money back many different ways, none worked, I was at the end of my rope, and since it was in my year post-divorce (and during the 2008-2009 economic crash as well) I was poor as hell.

So this is what I did.

1st he had given me access to pay bills online (not to his bank accounts, but to his emails So I was able to investigate ALL his accounts with the same password, I printed/screenshotted every little bit of information relating to money. I found proof that he was indeed scamming people and found the people he “worked” with and even the name of the person at western union who facilitated the money transfer. I found out he was an organized criminal. I also found out he did this between the US and Canada. I started preparing strike 1.

Strike 1

So, for strike 1, I printed his face and the face of everyone working for/with him in defrauding people and left hundreds of flyers in his neighborhood. I also called the hotline for financial crime prevention in both Canada and the US and gave very specific details and names. (know that even if he had given me the money, this goes against my core values and I would have done the same thing either way) at this point, I was preparing strike 2 too

Strike 2

I was dumb in lending him money but I least I did it the right way, I wrote a check, I didn't do cash I wanted proof just in case. It would turn out to be a great idea. On the check, I had written that it was a loan. (Thank you, Judge Judy, for this tip)

Since he didn't pay me back, I prepared an invoice and sent it to me from his hacked email.

When the time came to do my taxes, I filed the 25K as an expense using this invoice. (I have many freelancers, I slid him as one of them) And it passed. Don’t ask me how I got his Social Security Number, I can’t remember, but I ended up having access to it so ratted him out to the IRS for hiding income. I found out later on through friends that the IRS started investigating him for unpaid taxed, I heard he had to pay 38% taxes on that 25k + pay a 20% fine for not declaring income.

At this point I was satisfied, I figured 9500$ in taxes plus +5k$ in fines was 50% of what he owed me, at least he didn’t get away with it all.

But remember I told you on the check I had written that it was a loan. So I took him to court and won (he didn't even show up), so he has to reimburse the full 25k plus court fees (plus what he owes to the IRS so it’s 39’500$ that he was to pay for not reimbursing 25k.)

To this day I still haven’t seen a cent, but the rest of the story makes it worthwhile.

At first, I thought the financial crime call I made had no effect, well it’s now the cherry on top. What I didn't know at the time is that the IRS would team up with Wire Fraud division and look at EVERYTHING he did, they were not able to catch him on the wire fraud, but and since the house he had did not fit with the money he was declaring, they got him on tax evasion and gave him a certain delay to pay back taxes, I heard it was only 3 months, but I don’t know if it’s accurate. They got him so good, they ended up freezing his accounts, and he LOST HIS HOUSE. The bank foreclosed it. And his debt to the IRS is still open, we are not in the US, so he won't go to jail for this, however.

But my 25k that he did not want to repay ended up costing him over half a million dollars. And since you cannot go bankrupt for a debt you owe to the government, I’m happy to tell you that at 40 yo, he had to move back with his parents and ask for welfare and will probably be paying this for the rest of his life!

This story is not finished however, I just learned that he now has a job as a concierge in the apartment building of his parents, so I’ll be contacting the court to have the money he owes me taken directly from his pay.

The thing is, he has NO idea I’m the culprit of all his bad fortune and he recently sent me a message telling me he misses me, that I was an angel for him and that he regrets what he did...

Well, not me looser, not me!

(source) story by (/u/eliksir_mtl)

[sherubshereyes]

Hey, whut up

Dear Jon:

Instead of messaging you at 3:37 am while you sleep I will write here. Write whatever I want because hopefully I will have self control and not send it anyway.

‘Lullaby’ and ‘Don’t You Worry About Me’ by Lukas Graham just came on and now I want to get serious. And I probably will send you this... when you wake the heck up. Lol.

You said something about how it’s weird to find god after a psychotic break... and I understand that fully but I’ll explain why it happens to me EVERY time I am hospitalized.

When you are in a place like -insert 3 mental health hospitals here- you feel punished. You feel ALONE... and if you let yourself believe god exists, well then you are not alone after all.

After -FV hospital- in 2011 I was 22 and I went to see Ben Rector live at the intersection in the front lounge. I didn’t even know he was a Christian artist until I got out of -FV- this time around. Like on 2/10/2020 I mean. The back is bigger at the intersection so it was maybe $10 for front shows and bob marley’s kid was performing in the back. Idk which one lol. I went out to smoke cigs periodically and I BET stoners were smoking joints and I didn’t know it. I tried weed my first time a week later while drunk on my friends 21st birthday. I smoked with her step brother (he was her roommate) and she was passed out drunk (duh) so she didn’t partake. I found myself on the deck dizzy and alone after... puking.

“Your heart won’t break I won’t let it” random lyric from the song on shuffle by Lukas Graham. Sorry I’m ADHD

“I know you know I’m not perfect and I hope you know I’m worth it” this song is good... back to my story...

This house was in a trailer park and I lived with my parents 4 miles away. I drove my drunk/high ass home and I’m not sure how I didn’t fucking die. Lol. See. God probably made sure I made it home safe. I still remember it vividly. Like, I can feel how dizzy and unsafe I was driving but I made it.

In 2017 I was hospitalized for 3 weeks, court ordered by my family, after I had met a man named "Levi” at a wedding and wanted to leave "Bob” for him. He was closer to my age, hella hot, smoked cigs and called them fags because he was from Europe. He had the same mustache tattoo as me and it was on the same finger. We snap chatted inappropriately and I don’t fucking regret it either but he bailed on me and would never speak to me again after I got out of the hospital. “Bob” and I were separated after that stay and I threw a remote at his face and he called the cops on me to report domestic assault. It was really hard and I wondered if I would go to jail. I didn’t. Don’t you think maybe god said “not today satan?” Hahaha cuz I do.

I was going to church then. -Insert church name here-. It’s non denominational and it felt right. I felt lonely and afraid so I caved and took “Bob” back even though I didn’t want to. I started crawling into his bed instead of my own. He was sleeping in the spare room and I realized I couldn’t be alone. I WANTED to be... but I couldn’t support myself and I had no other options.

“Bob” went to church with me then too a little. He has strong doubts about faith but I’ve never heard him say he is an atheist... unlike you lol.

This time around you were very present in my life for the postpartum mania and I HOPE I have not scared you. I’m pretty sure I’m just scaring myself now more than anything. I got A LOT of male attention in -FV hospital-, as I do at every hospital because I’m hella fun manic and draw people in. I’m smart, I practice self care (unlike when I’m depressed) and it shows when I let myself love myself again.

I tried to cling to “Bob” in there this time. I transferred units to avoid the men cuz 500E only ever had 3 men at all times. Coincidence I think, maybe god again?? Haha! I don’t know. I just realized that too. “Liam” told me not to put “Bob” on my phone plan when I talked about it and I defended my future actions saying “but I’m married” like it fucking mattered.

Insert break to let "the girl dogs” out and play more tunes. It’s 4:03 now and this is how ADHD I really am lol

“Take the world by storm” is on now and I feel like I’m gonna do it. In my own time.

“I want to tear down boundaries and greet my enemies” such a good song too.

It’s 4:07 and as I smoke while “Tony” barks like a bitch I realize this will have to be emailed cuz it’s gonna be a fucking novel. I hope you like it, hahaha.

“What happened to perfect” is on now and it’s like a break up song. More Lukas Graham on shuffle. See why I think god speaks to me thru music? “Tony” woke “Bob” up which is why I let her and “Casey” out. I have to make a bottle cuz “Liam” is over due but still sleeping.

4:12 am and now “Everything that isn’t me” is on and I sent this to “Bob’s” mom on Thursday. He has no idea I’m talking to her still. He’d be mad. I don’t know why he hates her so much. I kind of love her a lot.

4:20 am (lol I screen capped proof) and I’m making coffee in my Jason Momoa mug. I made “Bob” listen to that song while he changed “Liam’s” diaper.

I tried to warm up a bottle but “Liam” got impatient so it’s not so warm. I made pizza and “Bob” took the bottle and “Liam” back in the bedroom. I am banished to the living room and couch tonight, of course.

I ate peanut butter on a spoon for protein and calories before the pizza and then used the end of the spoon to open my creamer for my coffee. Fierce. I love it, I really do. My coffee is perfectly pale and I don’t care what “Liam” says about too much creamer. It’s the best. It’s 4:26 now. This coffee tastes amazing and my pizza is gone so I want to smoke again... so I probably will.

I’m going to put Ben Rector on shuffle now and see how this goes. He performs May 1st at fountain street church and I really wish I could go. I heard that ON THE RADIO in -FV hospital-. I’m not even joking. Hi, god, what up tho?

I’m cheating and playing “i like you” cuz why not. I’ll see what shuffles after. I’m going to Walgreens around 8 am to get more coffee ($2.99 for 12 k cups) I’m getting you some. I’m also searching for something on clearance in Valentine’s Day section. I’ll go to every store in town if I have to just to find it.

“Forever like that” is on now and I can’t make this shit up. If you didn’t listen to it, it’s the other love song. Probably cuz I love you so much but I’ll be ok as just your friend, honestly, I will. It’s 4:34 am now.

When my mom and I fought Wednesday I told her how “Bob” ruined my life. I don’t want to tell you. He didn’t mean to. I want you to stay his friend so bad. He needs you more than me. I’m still working on my cig and sipping coffee. It feels glorious. Insert the old character of Bobby Roode and now I wish I had a robe like him... or in general... but I lose every robe I ever own.

“I want to spend my forever like that” last lyric of the song... what will be next??

It’s called “beautiful” and I don’t know it but I I feel beautiful and sexy as hell and I like it a lot.

I’m going back inside and it’s singing “I was 16 with a broken heart with the windows down in a beat up car” damn. I was like that too. Best year of my life and why it’s my favorite number. “Liam” was born 1/16/2020 so yeah. Magic? God? Whatever. I’m gonna go in and re read and spell check this mess while watching Across the Universe. This “May be where I leave you” as I say that I think of the centaur dropping off Harry Potter after Voldemort drank unicorn blood in front of him in the forbidden forest or some shit.

4:45 am and the song on Across the Universe is “I get by with a little help from my friends” accurate. Lyric - “I get high with a little help from my friends” also true. Insert panda cuddles. One day I can get high with you again. One day. I’m definitely done now.

4:53 am and I’m gonna ask you for your email now and hope I’m not driving you crazy but if I don’t ask it now I might be too scared later.

Love you,

Me

P.S. Second cup of coffee at 5:10 and “I’ve just seen a face” by Jim Sturgis (Beatles cover) is on Across the Universe. Look it up and please don’t freaking hate me ok. “She’s got a boyfriend” “It’s ok, I’ve got a girlfriend” I love this movie beyond measure

[confessionary77]

The end of the romance

A relationship told through dialogue between her and him, from the crucial point in their story to the end

"There's something I need to tell you..." he started, then faltered.

"I thought there must be an ulterior motive behind this dinner," she smiled.

His eyes were trained on the place between his plate and his glass. As he struggled to find the words, her smile faded.

"Is it something to do with me?" she asked.

He dry-swallowed and knew she noticed by the urgency in her words: "Is it about us?"

For some things there's never the right time nor the right words. His shoulders dropped with resignation.

"I've got the visa," he said talking to the table. He couldn't find strength to lift his eyes. She was silent, but he could feel her gaze on his face. With enormous effort he met her eyes. Her face was serious, lips drawn into a thin line. Single wrinkle cut across her forehead and underneath it her green eyes darkened into stormy grey.

"When?" she asked.

"A few days ago."

"That means you have already decided," she concluded. "So? Are you leaving?"

He nodded, not trusting his voice. She inhaled sharply, reached for her glass and took a long sip, then she set it down and looked at it for a long while. Finally, she composed herself, lifted her chin and attempted a smile. It didn't reach her eyes.

"Congratulations, I guess," she said. "What is the plan?"

"I will quit the job tomorrow, need to sell the car and bunch of other things, pack slowly," it helped to think about practical things. "I get residency as soon as I land. Then I find a place to live and start looking for a job."

"When?" she asked.

"In a month," he said.

"And me?"

"I hope you will join me," he said. "Will you?"

"I need to finish my studies."

"I know. But, that's—what? Six months? A year tops, right?"

She shrugged. "It could be longer than that."

"It doesn't matter," he reassured her, "take as long as you need. We can video-chat every day! I'll show you every step I take, you'll be so familiar with the place even before you come over, you'll fit right in."

"I don't have a visa," she pointed out.

"That's easy. You can enrol in post-graduate studies. You'll get a year-long student visa. Then you can decide if you want to stay."

"And if I do?" she smiled weakly.

"You continue studies for another year," he said with a goofy smile, "or you can marry a guy who already has residency."

"Would you help me find a guy like that?" she winked.

They smiled quietly drinking each other's face. His hand found hers and their fingers intertwined automatically.

"Will you come?" he whispered.

"Will you wait?" she replied.

"Forever, if I must," he said.

They sat holding hands in silence, eyes locked.

- - - - - - - - - -

The door closed loudly, but instead of familiar patter of feet approaching there was silence. He leaned through the kitchen doorway and saw her sitting on the stool by the exit. She leaned against the wall with legs outstretched and eyes closed.

"Everything alright?" he asked, sensing that it wasn't—"How was the exam?"

Her eyelids fluttered open. She looked at him unfocused, as if she didn't quite know how he ended up there.

"I failed," she said closing her eyes again.

He sat on the floor next to her.

"It doesn't matter," he said, "you can take it again. I know you'll ace it, you always do."

"I always DID," she smiled bitterly, "until a week ago."

She looked at him: "I can't focus. Since you told me about leaving, my mind is with you every waking moment."

"I'm so sorry," he said. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Can you stay until I graduate?"

It was his turn to stare at her.

"I already quit my job," he said.

"They'd take you back," she said.

"Maybe. But, I already transferred all my savings overseas. And, I have a job interview a week after landing."

"You're so quick!" she smiled ruefully.

Her sarcasm didn't surprise him, but it hurt anyway.

"I hope to hit the ground running," he said. "The sooner I get settled, the easier it will be for you to join."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry. It's just... it's hard to think that in three weeks you won't be around. Why couldn't we do it together?"

"Do what together?" he asked—"Move? The same reason why you keep a separate apartment. Your parents would never let you go with me."

"What makes you think they'll let me join you?"

"That's why I'll register you for studies. You can tell them you got scholarship, and we'll have a year to break the news gently. It's easier from a distance. It'll also give them time to get used to the idea of us. We talked about it so many times..."

"Yes, I know," she sighed, "and it sounds so easy when you say it. But when I'm by myself, it seems impossible."

"Then I'll just keep repeating it. And when I'm there, I'll create a text template outlining this whole plan. I'll send it every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed."

She gave him tiniest of smiles.

"I'm scared," she said.

"Don't be scared, be excited," he whispered.

- - - - - - - - - -

"I wish I was going with you," she nuzzled his neck.

"Me too."

"I don't want to go back to empty apartment. At least you'll watch movies for the next 8 hours."

"I shouldn't have moved in with you," he stroke her hair. "I should have gone to my dad's for those three weeks."

"I'm glad you did, at least I had you to myself in the evenings. I wouldn't be able to stay with you at your dad's."

"But now everything will remind you of me."

"Maybe it'll motivate me to study harder and join you sooner."

"Or, maybe you'll go party somewhere rather than stay at home which so painfully reminds you of me and study."

She bumped his shoulder. "Don't joke! I'm serious."

"Why don't you meet up with friends and stay out for the evening?" he asked.

"That's just delaying what's coming. I'll go home and try to study. Call me when you land. Promise."

"It'll be middle of the night here."

"It doesn't matter, I don't think I'll be able to sleep anyway. Promise!"

"Okay, I'll call you as soon as I clear the customs," he said.

They kissed hungrily, desperately. After a long while, he gently pulled away.

"That was the last call for my flight," he said.

Her eyes swam in tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too."

She threw her arms around him, her lips searched for his one last time.

"Wait for me," she tore herself away.

"Forever!"

----------

"Hello?"

"God, I can't believe I finally got you on the phone! Congratulations, Ms. Graduate! You've been extremely hard to find lately!"

"Oh, that's you! Thank you!" she said.

"You don't sound too thrilled. Is this bad time?"

"No, of course not. I just walked in, my parents are here to celebrate."

"I see. Let's keep it short so you don't have to explain who it was," disappointment was thick in his voice.

"They're waiting in a cafe across the street. I have time," she chirruped.

"I didn't want to haunt you before the graduation, but I missed hearing your voice. It's been over a month..."

"I was at the university from dawn to dusk the last few weeks. I texted you, everything's fine, I told you."

"I know. I'm just saying I missed you. What's the plan now?"

"A big dinner with parents and friends!"

"I wish I was there..." he said.

"Yeah..."

They listened to each other breathing through the line.

"What are you going to do now?" he asked.

She ignored the unspoken, the real question she knew he was asking.

"I'll stay and relax for a couple of weeks when the parents leave. Then I'll go home for the Summer."

"Oh!"

"Listen, I have to go. I'll email you from home, when I sort out with myself and parents what's next."

"Okay," his voice sounded broken, "I'll wait."

"I know you will," she said.

- - - - - - - - - -

Her: Hi

Him: Hi

Her: just got back to town

Him: had an exciting summer?

Her: ya, not bad. visited family and friends. travelled a bit.

Him: missed hearing from you.

Her: am here now

Him: can I call?

Her: not now, maybe later.

Him: ok

Her: must tell you sumting. I spoke to parents

Him: uh oh

Her: mom understands but says no future for me there, i'd depend on you. dad's against.

Him: I told you they'd say that

Her: ya. got me thinking tho

Him: ...

Her: i can't say it nicely--i'm staying home

Him: ?

Her: dad found me a job

Him: can we talk?

Her: no, please. i decided. it's over. sorry

- - - - - - - - - -

Him: Happy Birthday!

Her: tx

Him: How is life?

Her: ok

Him: How do you like the job?

Her: what r u doing?

Him: What do you mean?

Her: let's not do this. don't txt me any more

- - - - - - - - - -

Her: congrats!

Him: ???

Her: heard you got married

Him: 6 mts ago

Her: i just found out. belated congrats! :D

Him: Thank you

Her: thought u'd wait 4 me ;P

Him: To borrow your words I still remember clearly: Let's not do this! Not after 10 yrs! Pls, don't text me again

- - - - - - - - - -

From: Her To: Him No subject Hi. Hope you aren't still angry with me for that text long ago. I tried to text you, but you changed the number. So, here I am in a good old-fashioned email. :) I met our old friend, he told me you came back. Retired, huh? Must be nice to retire so early. Anyway, I'm on vacation near by. Would you like to grab a coffee? It would be nice to catch up after all this time.

From: Him To: Her Re: No subject Hi. Thanks for the email. I'm not mad at you. I'm not even mad at life. Things happened the way they were meant to happen. I've learned long ago to stop wondering 'what if?' I've changed a lot, as undoubtedly have you. And I don't mean only physically. I'm happy the way my life turned out. Hope you are too. Since we retired here—my family is here with me—I met quite a few ghosts from the past: old friends, acquaintances and such. Every time I met an old friend anew, I shattered a beautiful memory and replaced it with ugly reality. That's why I'd prefer not to meet you. I'd like to remember you—remember us—the way we were. I hope life will not bring us close enough to ruin that.

[x-whyareyoureadingthis-x]

Stuff from yesterday’s Anti-Flag/thgc concert

My one uni prof was photographer… and I stood first row, so he definitely saw me and my friend, who has even more classes he teaches

Derek peeking out from behind the curtain sometimes when Anti-Flag was playing

They have someone I call stagie (like roadie or techie), who sings backing vocals, goes completely crazy next to the drums, and had to run, and put more picks on Chris#2’s mic stand. I’m sure that maniac shot about 15 to 20 into the audience. And something was wrong with Justin’s cable, so the stagie fixed that too.

These thrown pics are fucking dangerous. Chris#2 can throw them in a way like a throwing star. Like… the stage was about, I guess at least 12 meters wide, and he threw one across the stage, across the 2.5m gap between stage and barricade, and it knocked directly into the barricade in front of me. I’m glad I didn’t get hit (am I seriously so scared of getting hit by a tiny plastic thingy? Yes.)

On the other hand, Justin tried to throw his too, and they never got further than a meter… which was cute, and probably not something I should say about someone who’s been playing in a punk band for way longer than I’m alive…

The energy is fucking awesome, they jump around and everything. Perfect.

At one point the light was weird, and Chris looked like Ryan Seaman for a moment, and I got a shock. But it’s no surprise really, he’s pretty adorable. Which again is probably not something I should say about some punk musician who’s been making music for this long with such a reputition… who cares? It’s a compliment.

Uh, that reminds me of when my mum saw a promo pic of them (see the pic below), and said they look really dangerous, and asked if I really wanted to go to that concert… like… they don’t look dangerous? And I’m pretty sure they only get dangerous if you’re an asshole.

https://www.concertbuero-franken.de/konzert-details/anti-flag-2699.html

They had fucking megaphone? And it got used by Chris#2. And whenever he was done with it, he threw it to the side, and the stagie always caught it… man.

Oh, and I was very intrigued by Chris#2’s outfit. All black, except for red shoes, which matched the red patch on his guitar and the guitar strap. AND he had a homeless gospel choir sticker on his bass, which I think is very neat of him.

They… carried half the drum set into the crowd for the last song, and the drummer and Chris #2 played from the crowd, the bassist standing on top of the base drum. I’m still amazed that that works.

Screaming. Them, the crowd, everyone going crazy.

“We want you to go wild, do a circle pit. And if anyone falls down, you pick them up. IF ANYONE FALLS DOWN YOU. PICK. THEM. UP!” – I love this. I love this. I love this. I don’t care how wild the crowd goes, as long as I’m not in it, and I know the people care, it’s fine. And that’s coming from someone who hates physical contact, crowds, and gets panic attacks thanks to agoraphobia (didn’t have one yesterday tho!)

Justin doing these spins, and always lifting his guitar over his head.

When they transferred back to the stage, during the last song, Chris#2 threw his bass from the barricade to the stage, about three to four meters… I almost got a heart attack. Basses are fucking heavy. And this is good equipment, so it’s expensive too. But the stage caught it like it is nothing.

Derek played the second last song with them, and went wild on stage, which was so good to see.

He got to use the megaphone as a mic.

Justin walking over to Derek, throwing his arm around Derek’s shoulder while he was playing ^-^

I’m gonna try to do a transcript of what Derek said in between his songs, as good as I was able to record it.

I met the girls from the fiatfv concert in September again, and drove them and their friends to the train station after the concert

I got to talk to Derek, and he was so sweet, and he asked me if I wanted to be put on the newsletter, and he has a fucking book where you have to write your email down if you want the newsletter, but you have to write big, because his eyes are not good. And on the cover it reads something along the lines of “email addresses, vip only” and underneath it says: “that means you. You are very important :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)”

[malojey]

Giving it the benefit of the doubt and saying 71 - 28.09.19

Cos i cant count and it doesn't display dates on tumblr🤷‍♂️

I've been good man. Despite the recent pivotal changes I've been good. I've been calm and I've kept a straight head for the majority.

Work: It was AmGs last day today. I wasnt in work but I did pop into him. Hes a good man and he didnt deserve the treatment he got from carphone after all his years of dedication but that's carphone for ye. CD and EM are moving to citywest, GP moved to vietnam💔 so that leaves me AR, EC and JF. We're transferring in Citywests manager and I dont know how I feel about it. I'm open to change, meeting new people, but hes gonna come in hot with his dick swinging and expect us to lick his ass off the bat which is only gonna breed more turmoil in the staff but nothing I can do about it🤷‍♂️. I'll get my head down for AR, she really wants me to do well and it's only the lack of shits I can give for the shop that's holding me back. When I'm good I'm fucking good, but I have to consciously be good more often.

I cant remember if I said it in a previous post but I dont think I've posted since so, GP has officially left the country. He was a very very vital part of the last year of my life and my evolution. It's sad to see him go.

I wish nothing but the best for you Gerry, you deserve to get your break. Live the fucking dream.

Karl's home tomorrow so theres gonna be a shift in energy in the house so I'm hoping it doesn't fuck up my flow. Enjoyed the last couple weeks with Sean.

Dababy released his new album and its projected to go #1, gave it a few listens but I think I may have over hyped him. Hes still an unreal newcomer but I think he'll get complacent. Pony, Suge and Taking it out still top my list of his songs, but theres one or two bangers of Kirk.

Made another email for when I was looking for a room, then set it up on youtube. I'm gonna have more practical things on it, things that will help me grow or I find intresting. My original all I get is podcasts football and gamers that I dont even watch anymore. Rustyblueprints is full of generic B tech rap beats and sometimes podcasts because I forget to change from one to the other. I feel I'm stuck in a closed minded loop of youtube suggestions and now is a time where I crave diversity. 3rd times the charm as they say.

Laurena recommended me a few self help books. I'm either gonna get them this month or next. This month tho I am getting a thesaurus and a dictionary, I had that idea the other night and I A LAMP I NEED A LAMP got a feeling of comfort if that makes any AND A MIRROR sense. Also want to get Steve-Os autobiography and a keyboard.

I started this earlier but when I came back I kinda lost track, I think I've stuff in my notes from the last few days that I'll screenshot and attach in an edit.

Music: A lot of X, I was showing sean some of his music and telling him how much I admired his creative side so it put me in the mood for him and I listened to his soundcloud. His soundcloud was his safe haven and I cant believe I never went through it properly, so much more music, so much more thoughts. I'm gonna get some art of X for over my bed and some of Mac for the other wall or over my TV.

Albums: GO:OD AM and The Devine Feminine by Mac, 17 and a lot of X, Baby on Baby and Kirk by Dababy, 4 Your Eyez Only by J.Cole, The Sunset Tapes by Jaden, Psychodrama by Dave

I'm gonna drop the initials of names like what am I even hiding hahah

[jungnoir]

college boyfriend!joshua

a/n: special thanks to @choco-seventeen for giving me the idea of barista!josh which ended up being the best idea ever,,, get rdy to die yall

here it is, our long awaited gentleman of seventeen!! requested by this darling~

i’ve never written anything for josh (which is appalling) and seeing as he’s now,,, like a bias,, i mean i kinda have to don’t i

i’m going to pretend that a straight week of searching for joshua scenarios did not help encourage this

so, lovely josh has always had a love for animation

ever since he was a baby, he’s always found a joy in watching cartoons, so his parents always put on some colorful children’s movie for him whenever he got fussy, or when he’d wake in the middle of the night from a terrifying dream and he’d need some calming down

this kind of comfort of seeing characters of all colors, shapes and sizes gave joshua an abundant imagination as a child. he always found he liked the fantastical feeling of animation that live action didn’t really provide him

anything could happen in animation, and anyone could be anything and look anyway that they liked, which was part of the appeal for him

as he got older, he was exposed to anime (lol) and he found that he enjoyed the more mature animation just as much as the kind marketed for children

and he didn’t discriminate either! he could watch anything from tokyo ghoul and death note to your lie in april and haikyuu!! 

but his favorite kind of animation lied in the love of studio ghibli films

something about the wonder of each film enthralled joshua so much as a teen, bringing him the nostalgia of his childhood that he loved so much

to all of his friends in high school, they had always expected joshua to get a stable, lackluster office job and stay in california with his family, which, originally, was the plan

but the films had inspired him to take a leap, so after applying to a few universities in seoul and getting accepted to the good majority, josh finished up two years of college in california before packing up everything he had and all the money he’d saved from odd jobs through his high school/college career and booked a flight straight to seoul, south korea

he obviously wasn’t flying completely blind, as he did have a friend living there already by the name of vernon

long story short on how the two met, bonding over xbox live can lead to long-lasting friendships ok

after a few years of friendship, countless nights of Skype calls and planning to meet one day, joshua had taken the first step and vernon’s family were more than happy to let joshua stay with them until he could get onto his own two feet (not that there’s any rush!! vernon totally doesn’t mind having an older brother around)

joshua was no stranger to korea either, having been taught korean since a young age by his parents, so he was pretty much set to start his new life in korea, even if his parents were pretty sad to see him go so far and so soon

they knew joshua had been a good kid his whole life, and he was making sure every connection and plan he had for his new life was laid out just right so he wouldn’t make things hard on himself and his family, and that was all they could really ask of him

for the summer before school started in korea, vernon takes to making sure joshua is settled in and at least semi-good at making his way around seoul without a problem

there was that one time,,, where he did get lost for like five hours and showed up back at the chwe house with an assortment of baked goods and sweets and exclaiming that “this stuff is so much better than the stuff in california!!”

vernon: you realize that we all thought you were dead right

josh: *blink blink* hm? :)))

but i mean before vernon knows it, joshua is freakishly adapted to life there and he’s suddenly like a local, making friends with literally everyone he meets because everyone is so fascinated by the american boy!! yet it’s funny cause the way josh saw it, vernon was v similar to him in a lot of ways, so he was a lil overwhelmed to find all of vernon’s friends were like !!! a foreigner !!! tell us everything

and sure, vernon hadn’t been to america since he was about five except to visit family, but they were all sooooo excited to hear about things from joshua’s perspective compared to the younger boy’s

so josh obliged, always talking about his experiences overseas and the other kids would be like :o or :D because!!! to josh that was all just boring everyday stuff to him but to them this was all so cool and interesting, and the way they felt about america was the same way josh felt about korea tbh

after a year in college in seoul, joshua was well settled down at the school

since he’s like,,, one of the best english speakers in school (save for a handful of other students who were bilingual their whole lives, foreigners, or just really good at the subject asjdijisa) he’s always willing to help his friends out with english class projects and he coaches them by speaking to them in english at random intervals

like they’ll be having a completely korean conversation and then all of a sudden josh is like “explain the plot to howl’s moving castle in english” and they’re like o shit here we go

but it’s really helpful??? they all get amazing grades bc of his pop quizes

all hail english professor hong jisoo

but, ok, everyone is so confused because that’s….. not what he goes to college for

like he’s verbalized that he loves learning and that being an english teacher in korea would be great for him bc he loves to show people the joy of learning! but animation was his first love

he’s v passionate about it, and he’s made several short films where the characters were stylized after his friends and their experiences (with their permission of course)

he actually did one on jun’s story of coming to korea for the first time as a chinese transfer student and entered it in a small film contest and won!! and jun was so happy that he cried ok

joshua was on skype with jun to jun’s family back in china and they were all gushing about the film after josh emailed it to them

basically if joshua ever needs to flee to another country, jun’s home is open jun’s mom said joshua has privilege of jun’s room before jun does

despite being really good at animating though, joshua is actually kinda shy about showing his work. he’s even shy showing it to his friends with the exception of vernon and jeonghan, the latter of which passive-aggressively convinced joshua to do it and is now joshua’s biggest hype man

“jisooooo. jun got a movie and I didn’t??” “…what would a movie about you even be about? you don’t do anything but sleep” “it could have been about how much you love me!!”

to placate him joshua showed all the lil drawings of chibi!jeonghan joshua had done over the year and jeonghan wouldn’t stop smiling and hugging josh all day jfc

jk jk tho jeonghan is super supportive and whenever people ask him (or don’t. they usually don’t ask but whom the fuk cares jeonghan says) about joshua, jeonghan just guuuushes about the boy and all of his great art and shows them joshua’s v tentative instagram page of his art. there’s only a few pics of outlines and some small clips of films he puts together, but jeonghan will gas his boy up so bad you’d think joshua already had an oscar

on the side, joshua has a job at the campus coffee shop

and like,, idk if you understand just how much of an accumulator of revenue that boy’s face is??

joshua is pretty humble so whenever his friends tease him and say that most of the customers that come to the coffee shop are there for his face, he downright refuses

but i mean,,, it’s true,, the majority of customers come during joshua’s shifts

and if josh isn’t working, it’s like a funeral home

it gets so bad the school is like “do u wanna like work here forever bc we’re totally down with that”

josh is like “lol no”

but he’s really good at his job and not many ppl notice that!! some jealous dudes think the only reason ppl even buy coffee from the shop is bc josh is serving it and they’re deluding themselves into drinking it, but josh is actually an amazing barista

u kinda get creative with coffee when you’re living off of it to graduate ajsiodha

he’s also king of latte art don’t fight me on this

he was playing around in the back one day on his break when he got an idea to make some art in a latte, bc he was at a creative loss with his art on paper, and he just made this v simple couple of hearts here and there, and then suddenly he was making all kinds of designs that ppl loved

his favorite is a little cat design that is so friggin cute ok. everyone loves it

everyone except you,,, who had no idea this was even a thing

between classes on certain days, you have about two hours of free time to yourself, so you like to escape to your favorite coffee place to study and relax

you usually didn’t like to go during this certain time in the day bc the shop was always bustling with customers and you really rather preferred to be in a smaller crowd. so basically, you’ve never seen joshua

you haven’t even heard of him bc you’ve always been pretty in your head when it comes to your studying time

u basically zone out the minute you can smell the coffee beans

but a friend of yours held you up in your last class, so your two hour break diminished to fifteen minutes, and you still hadn’t had your coffee

you practically bolt toward the coffee shop, but your eyes bug out of your head when you notice that for once, there’s a huge crowd of students there, something that never happens when you’re there

so like, groaning internally, you force yourself into line before anyone else can get in front of you and delay you even further

but like… the line is moving at snail’s pace

you can barely see up front, all you know is that someone is taking their sweet time making coffees

in fact, 70% of your time is swallowed up just waiting for the line to move up

you’re jittery, knowing class starts soon and you already don’t have that much time to book it to your next class at this rate, but you have to have your coffee

finally,,, you reach the front….. and….

“hi there! what can I get you this lovely afternoon?”

in the words of jeonghan again, whom the fuk-

“u-hhuhhhuuu hhh ????” 

windows has shut down unexpectedly

this beautiful specimen of a man is smiling down at you without a worry in the world, blinking softly with the longest, prettiest eyelashes you’ve ever seen on a guy

his hair is short and well kept, roots dark and colored with highlights of chestnut throughout

he’s in the uniform but that’s really only black slacks and a half apron; he’s wearing a really nice baby blue dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and his collarbones are just slightly exposed with only two buttons undone at the collar- !!

“do you need a minute?” he asks, looking concerned at your vacant expression

that seems to snap you out of it (or maybe the frustrated swears from behind you do), and you sheepishly apologize, spitting out the first thing that comes to mind, which is definitely not your usual order, “small latte, please”

his eyes light up when you answer, “would you like the art too?”

you furrow your brows and he stares at you for a good moment before he realizes,, wow u really don’t know about his latte art? that’s literally all ppl come here during his shift for

but he does notice he’s never actually seen you during his shifts before

hmm. interesting

“i… i do latte art. it’s kind of… sort of a thing? i don’t know, um, would you like me to make you something in particular?” he says, suddenly a little flustered

you know. you know deep in your heart that you have zero time to spare and that you really shouldn’t be late for this class… but also,,, why the heck not

“surprise me!” you say softly, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding

joshua perks up and he nods (probably harder than he should have) and quickly puts in your order for your latte 

you quickly scoot to the side and another boy takes over in his place as he turns to make your coffee, and you can’t help but watch his calm, gentle hands as he prepares it

there’s no rush in him, no sloppiness detected, and you can tell he takes pride in his craft

he pours the steamed milk with no difficulty, pouring it with such smooth precision that it hypnotizes you, even as he’s half turned from you and you can barely see what he makes

it’s only when he’s done and handing over your coffee with a smile that you realize,, you’re holding a mug

you forgot to ask for a to-go cup!

but like,,, if you put it in a to-go cup now, it’ll ruin his art

yet, you’re so late for class already……..

he looks at you with even more concern when he just catches you staring at the small tulip etched into the surface of the coffee, and he’s about to ask if you’re alright when you suddenly smile at him and say “you’re beautiful”

in ur mind, you’ve just told him the art he made in your coffee was beautiful

it takes u like,, eight seconds to register that is not what you said AT ALL

but by the time you realize your mistake and wordlessly try to motion to the cup he’s already laughing gently behind his hand, eyes locked on yours, and when he’s done he says “i’m sorry, i’m not making fun of you… you’re just… very sweet. i hope you enjoy the coffee”

part of u still wants to correct yourself, maybe save some of your pride, but instead, you simply sigh and accept his compliment that low (high) key makes your heart beat a little faster, and you quickly whisper a “thanks again!!” before skedaddling

and josh just watches with a soft smile, and can’t seem to get the strange new customer out of his head even after his shift

he doesn’t even mention that you’ve stolen the mug when his co-worker asks about it in bewildered confusion

“just say I broke it” he tells him, and goes back to work like nothing happened

the next day, you come in much earlier and find that the shop is void of a crowd, much to your relief and quieter dismay

holding in your hands the mug that you had washed and stared at in disbelieving horror the whole night in your dorm, you walk up to the counter and hold out the mug to the cashier, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion when you start to ashamedly explain exactly how you had snuck out one of the mugs

but before you can even get anything out, josh suddenly appears from the back, tying his apron just as he spots you and he goes “oh!! hey, mug stealer”

your face flashes in mortification

“i swear it was an accident-” “don’t worry, no hard feelings. I already covered for you so I mean, it’s practically yours anyway. you didn’t have to bring it back”

but you still hold it out, sighing “it made me feel bad, ok? i can’t look at this shame cup anymore”

joshua snorts bc

shame cup

ur too fucking cute for him

“ok, well, let’s make it not so shameful” he says, carefully taking the mug from you and going over to the coffee machine “latte, right? same as usual?” he throw over his shoulder

the girl at the cashier actually knows you, has served you for the last few years, so she shakes her head and tells him that’s not your usual, which makes him a little surprised and he apologizes, saying that he’s since switched around shifts with someone else so he’s still adjusting, so he’s about to ask you what you usually get when you blurt “latte’s fine!” 

and ok, yeh, you’re not getting a latte for him of course

obviously

he just smiles that beautiful smile and gets to work, and the cashier gives you a small, very indiscreet wink much to your chagrin

you shuffle to the side and watch joshua work again, smiling as he gets ready to pour the milk, when he asks what kind of art you’d like

“can I have… wait, what are you good at?” “hm, well, my favorite is a kitty” “kitty it is!”

he quietly makes your kitty, lip tucked between his teeth and you can tell he’s working hard 

he sets the cup before you (this time in a foam cup, just in case you have to run and didn’t remember to tell him again), and watches with pride as you beam at the art, your eyes shining

before you even think about it, you’re whipping out your phone and snapping a photo of it for instagram, before you realize you don’t simply want to credit “random handsome campus barista” for something as beautiful as that

“what’s your name?” you ask, and joshua tells you, and you quickly type down his name in the caption before tapping the photo to add a tag “do you have a instagram?”

and though he rarely ever uses it unless jeonghan prompts him to, joshua spells out his username for you and you tag him successfully, posting the photo just as joshua’s back pocket vibrates with a notification

“thank you so much, joshua. you’re really good at this you know” 

and josh hears it from everyone a lot. all of his customers and co-workers compliment him often so it’s not like he’s unaware of his talent

but there’s just something about the fact that you complimented him that makes him blush, but he just bows a little at you and thanks you softly as you depart to find a table to start studying

of which,,, u do not do lol

even tho it’s barely 10 posts, you spend quite a while looking through joshua’s instagram

they’re mainly shots of his art, of which you soon find out that his major is animation and film development

the captions are v minimalist, but in the comments to his friends and others who’d found his insta, he’s cutely gushing with lots of exclamation marks and the like about how his work is coming along, having casual convos about the others and how their lives are going, and responding to compliments with v heartfelt thanks

because he doesn’t post much, you check the posts he’s tagged in and see a bunch of candid, secret pics of him from all kinds of funny angles, most from students and some parody ones from his friends

by the time you decide to check how much time you have left until your next class, you find you’ve got about a half hour to cram whatever you were going to study within two hours into half of one and get to your lecture on time

so as fast as your legs will allow, you quickly hit follow on his instagram and stuff everything you have back into your bag before sprinting out, missing joshua’s small goodbye and wave in your haste

he smiles anyway, and later when he gets off his shift, he checks his notifications and finds he has a new follower… you

he totally misses everything his professor says looking through your instagram for a good hour and a half

so it goes on like this for a while, you getting your coffee from josh now that half his adoring fans are usually in class when you go to see him, and the two of you casually chatting about this and that

he talks about his major, you talk about yours, and a pure friendship forms

with josh, you really feel like you can talk to him about anything and he understands

he speaks slow, soft, uses pretty words but they’re never overrated. he talks to you with the utmost respect and attention, 100% focused on you whenever you’re around. you’re honestly surprised no one has snatched him yet, what with how much of a catch he is

and like,, you know that anyone would kill to date him because not only is he talented and beautiful and a certified dorkozoid, he’s considerate, kind, feminine…. he almost feels untouched by this world and everything in it

maybe that’s why, you usually think. he’s a catch. anyone would be lucky to have him and you’re having regular chats over coffee and you can tell ppl are jealous

but he just feels too good for you. for anyone

you can’t think of one person on campus that would be good for him. not necessarily that there isn’t anyone… it’s just… who?

as months pass and winter gets colder, you find yourself feeling the effects of being single ten times more

so your friends are like!! are you still head over heels for that barista?? let’s set you up on a blind date to get your mind off it!!!

you’re only like 60% against it

because honestly, even though you’d do anything to work up the courage to date joshua, you wouldn’t mind getting a little dolled up for someone and having fun on a date

so your friends set you up with some guy who’d meet you at this italian place in the city on friday, and you anticipate the day, even telling josh about it when he has time to listen

“ahh… heh, a blind date? you must be super excited” 

instantly you can tell something is off with the way josh talks, but he still keeps that pleasant smile, even tho it doesn’t quite reach his eyes

for the next few days leading up until friday, josh feels a little more reserved to you, not as open as usual and somehow always a little out of it when he talks to you

even when you ask, he just smiles (and it is nothing like his real smile) and tells you he’s fine

so come friday, you’re all dressed up and you happen to walk past the campus coffee shop and see joshua going in for a late shift, so you wave to him on your way and

fuck

fuck

he can’t even manage to say anything, completely speechless as he sees how absolutely stunning you look

and how he wishes you’d turn into the shop, grab his hand and tell him you were excited for your date

but instead, you’re meeting someone else, and all he can hope is that they care about you half as much as he does. even half was a feat

he suddenly catches up to you before going in, grabbing your hand, and you blink up at him in confusion when he says “be careful. text me when you get there please? so i know you got there okay. and… and text me, or one of your friends on your way home, please. you don’t know who this guy is or what he might do. just… have fun. be careful.”

you look at josh, his eyes showing such worry and concern for your well being that you pull him into a quick hug, smiling into his chest as he lets out a sigh, “of course. i’ll be good. plus, i have a pocket knife and a full can of pepper spray just in case he tries to get one over on me”

he chuckles, feeling a lot more relaxed as he hugs you back, “let’s trust you come back with that can still full and that knife still clean, alright?”

eventually, he has to send you off, and you head to your date

you arrive by 6:55, having been told that he’d be there by 7, and so you anxiously look around, knowing you were supposed to be on the lookout for a guy in a navy blazer

but… all the guys in navy blazers are there with someone already

by the time it’s 7:30, the waiter has come by twice, asking if the other member of your party is coming

and by 8, you’re sure he’s not

so you begrudgingly order dinner, eat it in angered silence, and don’t even bother to text your friends he didn’t show. you get your leftovers boxed and order one slice of strawberry cheesecake and leave, your eyes stinging and your heart hurting, but you get back to the school just fine

and at first, you were going to just head back to your dorm. 

but you walk past the coffee shop, and you look through the windows to see it’s still open and josh is still inside, cleaning up and shutting down for the night

before you can think, you’re rushing inside, glad he hadn’t locked the doors, and as soon as josh looks up in surprise to see you, he’s shuffling out from behind the counter and scolding you with “you never told me if you arrived or not. why are you back so early? you look sad, (y/n). what happened? what did that bastard do-” “I have cheesecake. you want some? take it or leave it”

you look hurt, but you keep up the stony expression and he just quietly nods, following you to a booth in the very back

he says nothing as you take out the cheesecake, says nothing as you go into the back and grab two forks and hand him one, says nothing as you take the first piece and sigh, over-exaggeratedly praising the dessert

he says nothing because he knows better. instead, he just listens as you begin to babble about the day, about how excited you were for today all week, how your friends had gassed up your blind date so much and how you had spent two hours eating by yourself, too embarrassed to cry or even tell your friends

he watches as you quietly struggle to pick up a strawberry, the sauce drenched fruit slipping off your fork as your hand trembles with words unsaid

so, he slides out of the booth and into yours, slips an arm around your shoulders, and makes you put it down

“it’s okay. i’m here” he says softly into your ear, and you let it all out into his shoulder

all of your tears and makeup stain his shirt but he couldn’t care less, his only priority in holding you close and comforting you

he wants to beat up your blind date, make them feel terrible for ever passing up an opportunity to spend a night with you because gdi, you were amazing and lovely and he wished he was in that bastard’s shoes

you guys stay like that for a while, you simply relishing in his comfort and joshua wishing he could help you feel better, yet not knowing how

but then he gets an idea

“do you want me to show you how to make latte art? you mentioned you were interested once”

at first, you’re kind of like??? now of all times?? but you also can’t help wanting to get your mind off things, so he helps you slip out of the booth and leads you to the back in the kitchen

there you see his sketchbook and laptop up, seeing he had been working on something before he’d gone to clean up

he goes to get some coffee together while you look over his work, smiling when you see he’s intricately drawing a character at a booth in what looked like a coffee shop, but as you look at it longer, something starts to click

“josh?” you ask, and he hums, filling up a cup with some coffee “Is… is this me?”

he glances back at you and his eyes widen some when he sees what you’re looking at, but he turns back around to play it off before you can say anything “ah, yeah. i needed to warm up so… i thought of you and drew”

“this looks way too detailed for a warm up” you say with a smile, tracing your fingers over the drawing, half of it colored in, the other half still white parchment paper and blending in to the colors where they end

josh snorts, making his way over to you and closing the notebook, “look at you. you know me too well, it seems”

you simply nudge him and he places the coffee cup before you before handing you a metal cup of steamed milk, “so, we’re going to start out with making a simple heart. it’s really important how you guide your hand. i don’t expect it to be perfect, so just try, freely”

he hands you the cup and you nod, turning the spout toward the cup and trying to carefully pour in the shape of a heart, but it becomes a deformed swirl too soon

josh still smiles, telling you to attempt to fix your mistake, but you continue to find it hard, somehow making the swirl more prominent

“josh, please help me” you whine with a small smile, and he nods with a laugh, reaching his arms around you

and,,, you’re caged against the counter, his hand coming to rest above your own where you hold the milk, and his head leans down to whisper into your ear how you should pour, murmuring “it takes a bit of practice, but once you get it, it’s satisfying”

you can’t even focus on the damn coffee bc he’s so close sasjhnasi

he keeps whispering in your ear, helping you try to fix your mistake, and then he grabs a toothpick and starts to trace the swirl into something of a shape, looking a lot better than before

“see?” he whispers by your ear, smiling even as your heart beats so hard you bet he can hear it against your back “not so bad”

you turn your head slightly, only able to move so much with his arm around you and body behind you, keeping you practically pushed up against the counter

he just looks at you for a moment when he sees the look in your eyes, mouth going a little dry

it must be the moment, or maybe the mix of emotions you’d released earlier, because you can’t find the nervousness from before anywhere near when you knead your fingers into his shirt and pull him in to kiss

his lips taste like coffee and stolen sweets, and he moves his body only to turn you around for better access to your mouth, his large hands closing around your hips and squeezing

he’s careful but he is not shy. he kisses you like he’s been wanting to all night, and if you asked him, he’d tell you he had 

you get so caught up in his heady kiss that even when he lifts you onto the counter and pulls himself between your legs, you don’t stop to laugh or marvel at his strength you didn’t know he had. you just thank god that he’s closer

after a few moments, he ends up pulling away, your lips chasing his with a frustrated whine that has him nearly buckling under his weight “my boss will kill me if we make out in the kitchen”

“then let’s take it somewhere else, dummy”

joshua has never locked up the coffee shop faster

after that day, he finally asks you out, and of course, you say yes

your friends apologize to you, feeling absolutely terrible for what happened with the blind date, but you honestly couldn’t care less bc if you hadn’t been stood up, you may have never gotten the chance to kiss joshua

everyone, and i mean everyone can tell there’s something different about josh come monday

he’s so much more peppy, so much more friendly, he’s practically beaming like a ray of sunshine,, like more than usual

and it’s so obvious why when you come in, stealing a kiss from him when he gets your coffee to you before you leave

josh’s co-workers are like??? is this allowed?? wtf is this allowed????

joshua’s boss doesn’t care cause it’s FRICKIN CUTE

a majority of joshua’s suitors back off when they find out he’s taken, but of course they continue to come bc josh is amazing at making coffee and no one is petty enough to stop coming just bc he’s taken lol

if joshua was an amazing friend, he’s an even better boyfriend ok

turns out that one drawing of you in the coffee shop was not the only one

he draws you often, and his favorite you to draw is a cute lil chibi version which he swears is so cute bc like,,, u small

boy literally giggles whenever he thinks about it

you: it’s really not that funny josh-

joshua: YOU’RE SO SMALL

actually made a chibi ver of himself and animated your chibi selves to kiss

he sent you the video and you look at it before you go to sleep every night bc it’s so cute

is always hyped for animated films and you can never get him as excited for live action films

he goes absolutely nuts for disney and stuff but he’s also a fine tuned indie animated film connoisseur of course

sometimes he’ll be like “so i watched this film last night called blah blah blah and it was about blah blah blah and…” and you don’t know wth he’s talking bout sometimes but you just listen to him babble bc u love him

scolds u if you haven’t seen a particular movie/anime/cartoon and then proceeds to force you to watch it

but you actually end up liking them?? and some of them become your comfort movies just because they remind you of josh

will send you animated couples and be like “this is us”

even if you two have nothing in common with the characters? it could just be a cute scene and he’ll link it back to you two

jeonghan LOVES you…. and also will fight you for joshua’s attention but he still loves you

he prides himself on being “joshua’s best friend” but then you meet vernon and vernon is like “he was my best friend first” so you go from a love triangle to a love square

if you added in all of joshua’s admirers it’d be like a love….  enneacontakaipentagon

(that is a thing)

since it’s a lot to go back to america to meet josh’s family, you instead meet vernon’s family in place of them, who despite only knowing josh for a year feel like he’s their second son

they gush about how much they love him and his influence on vernon and vernon’s lil sister and it’s just,,, so precious

but you can tell he gets homesick sometimes, and when family holidays come, he gets particularly sad

vernon’s family works hard to make it easier on him so they set up a skype date with his family every holiday and you watch josh as he talks about how his graduation is coming up, how he can’t wait to visit them, how he misses his mom’s home cooking and how nice life is in seoul

he introduces you to them over skype as well and they’re so kind and lovely!! they absolutely spoil you with love and attention and only have lovely things to say about you

then one day, you get a call from vernon’s mother

she tells you that secretly, they’ve been setting up for joshua’s parents to come visit, and they want you to keep it secret, as well as keep joshua out of the house the day they arrive so he doesn’t catch on

which,, proves harder than you expect

even on spring break your lovely boyfriend only wants to stay in and catch up on shows with you so you have to literally drag him out of the house to hang with jeonghan and vernon at the mall

while you’re all out, joshua just happens to see a shirt while you’re all shopping

it’s a tank top with the word “california” written across it

and usually, josh would just ignore little things like that, but as he stands there, he starts thinking of home and his family who he misses like crazy

it’s not like him, but a few tears slip past his eyes before he wipes them away, attempting to hide it before one of you saw

you did, but you don’t say anything, instead hooking an arm with him and leading him elsewhere, practically bursting with the need to tell joshua what was awaiting him at home

you manage to keep it secret though, even as you smile wider than ever on your back to vernon’s house

of course,,, josh is highly concerned

“why are you smiling so much? what are you hiding?” “dang boy, can’t a girl just smile a lil bit” “not like that. your smile is too big. it’s creeping me out”

if you weren’t driving you might’ve socked him in the arm

you carefully pull up to the house and joshua’s eyebrows furrows when he notices vernon’s parents’ car is parked somewhere different than it was when you all left 

“v, did your parents go somewhere?” he asks, but vernon simply shrugs and follows a grinning jeonghan out of the car, leaving just you and him alone

he stares at you for a bit, the smile still on your face, and then looks back at the house, the wheels turning behind his eyes

“what are you waiting for? i don’t know about you, but I wanna meet the hongs sometime this week, thank you”

his eyes widen a little bit and you’re laughing as he tumbles out of the car, rushing toward the front door as you trail behind, hearing a chorus of elated screams before you enter the house

when you do, you see josh all wrapped up in between his parents, all three of them crying into each other as jeonghan, vernon, and vernon’s family watch with smiles just like yours

for the rest of the day, you spend it with josh and his family, catching up on all that they’ve missed along with getting to know the hongs personally

they’re just as sweet in person as they are over skype, and they absolutely love poking fun at josh to you whenever they get the chance

the sound of josh’s embarrassed “mooooooom” in the background as she tells you about josh’s anime phase and how she’d seen an episode of one of those shows and had to have a talk with him afterward

you: what were you watching, josh?

josh:… i have since refined my taste

by the time the night ends, you’ve got enough embarrassment fodder to last you months

“please don’t take anything my parents said seriously okay. they live to make my life terrible” he tells you over the phone that night, after vernon’s family told you it was getting far too late and you should be heading home

highest of keys, josh was hoping you’d stay so late that they’d let you sleep over but knowing he had two (2) sets of parents in the house now, they’d probably make vernon sleep between you two and that’s the closest you’d get throughout the night

“i don’t know about that. those baby stories were comedy gold” you grin into the phone, laying on your back and smiling up at the ceiling

he scoffs, “just wait till i meet your parents. they’ll tell me all the crazy stories and i’ll have so much blackmail i won’t even know what to do with” “isn’t it funny how i met your parents, who live in california, before you met mine who live here?”

he smiles into the phone, “’s okay. makes us a unique couple. i was starting to think we were far too daydreamy. almost feels like a movie.”

“i’m surprised you haven’t turned it into one, actually” you say, playing with your shirt hem as sleepiness starts to creep up on you and you let out a yawn

“i promise one day i’ll make a movie about us. now go to sleep, i’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

you yawn again but oblige, and you say your goodbyes before hanging up and laying down to fall asleep, a content smile on your face

but then your phone vibrates under your pillow not twenty minutes later

confused, you pull it out, and find a video message from joshua

carefully, you open it, unsure of what you’ll expect, but find a seemingly quickly drawn stop motion video of chibi!you and chibi!josh kissing each other’s cheeks

you smile tiredly, shaking your head at the boy, but as the video comes to an end, a speech bubble appears above chibi!josh’s head, his eyes turning into hearts as he speaks to chibi!you “i’ve been debating on when to say this for a while, but i’m proud to be the first of us to say it: i love you”

the video ends, and you giddily dial josh’s number once more, the boy picking up just as quickly as you had called

“yes?” he says softly, voice tinged with slight worry

but you just chuckle, “jerk. i wanted to say it first. now let me go to sleep… i love you too”

[askinfortroublee]

Im so bored and geeked holy crap. Do people even still use this? I know i dont but social media is at the point where no matter how many times i refresh theres nothing new because everyones asleep. Why did i take adderall and drink coffee at 9 pm? Idk?? Guess i thought my homework would take longer. Anyways i hope i dont fail my math test tomorrow that would suck i already failed the class once oops. Still wondering who got me sent to standards/what video theyre referring to. Guess ill find out soon enough. Got another hot date with mike tomorrow hope i dont choke on my food like last time. Im not sure if he noticed though. Also i think my shoulders broken cuz me and jackson got into a bit of a tussle but thats okay cuz i punched him in the face. He busted my windshield tho, its ok cuz my dad got me a new one. #gloup. Jeez theres so many thoughts in my head legit i hate adderall for some reason i thought the same sentence over and over on repeat for like 30 minutes before even realizing it was happening. Why is everyone asleep? Why is it exam week? Why does my hd teacher have to take attendance? Should i email the snam lady back about my probation hours probably. Or ill call my dad in the morning. Anyways im thinkin bout switchin up my hair style. I wont be a teen much longer my next birthday is the big 20 so might as well switch my shit up ya know. I hope to god nobody is reading this. Maybe i should get up and do laundry nobody will be down there. But also im so comfy so prolly not also usually wednesdays they cook us bacon im really lookin forward to that. This is so entertaining honestly. I think i have cancer or diabetes though im prolly gonna get a physical when i come home from college. I should prolly work out too my body has gone quite downhill the past year or so. Prolly cuz i was dating pat and had nobody to look good for. Its ok ill get back on the #gains grind. Im so excited to see chris clements omg whata cutie pie i miss his hugs. Also my mom is so mad at me that she uninvited me from her birthday party how hateful is that..??? And its the weekend before finals so its dead in alabama. Fuck it who needs birthday parties not me ill just study and drink beer. Emmas coming to visit me this weekend thats really exciting i hope she enjoys bama. Who wouldnt tho its the tits shes gonna have a seizure in the boomboom room i almost did the first time i went in that shit. Oh gosh what if i lose her.. thatd be bad but shes more responsible than me. Im a total wanderer. we have a date party next week but i cant go cuz im on bad standing so im hoping all my friends decide not to go and then we can do tshirt tuesday. If not i can go do tshirt tuesday with mike though and then we'll have a sleepover. Hes lotsa fun super super hot. My stomach rlly hurts but its too cold to reach for the tums. Someone read this and remind me to go to the tanning bed tomorrow. This is such a long paragraph. I wonder if my friend carly is awake. She has tons of snacks and i bet would give me sleeping medicine. Its 4:15 i have class at 10 and a test at 12 this rlly is so unfortunate. I rlly wish i had a beer. Maybe if i drink a handle ill just passout and wont be tired in the morning. Wow now i just had the sad thought that i only have 2 weeks left in bama. Like what the FUCK. I thought highschool went by fast but this is next level shit. And its so much better. Like yall i am such a better person now and my friend group is so wonderful i am 100% thriving. thank god im not one of those people who goes to college and hates it and transfers to be with their hs friends cuz they never make new ones. Like yall this is the best place ever. I want to live here over the summer but also that would require homework and my brain is very close to just like shutting off. My teacher asked me a question the other day and all i could do was stare at him for a minute and then say "i honestly have no clue what u said or how to answer at this moment" and he just laughed and moved on. Everyone in hs says college professors are gonna be so mean and shit but really they do not give af what u do honestly. Ok my fingers hurt goodnight

[actual-corpse]

Causing trouble and pushing the envelope is like, my whole deal... I'm a piece of shit who loves to get in people's ear and be in control... To give you an exact degree of my ways I'll share a quote, "If I can be the guy just behind the guy in charge, that suits me just fine." -Porter Gage.. and this has literally been my business model until shit went south near the end of the 2019 Fall Semester... Before Corona ruined everything for everyone and actually helped me deliver a hard blow to the assholes who did me wrong (more on this later). I’m also incredibly petty and I tend to hold grudges.

Fun story for better context:

I like accolades. I like shiny medals and rewards... And I like recognition, but I don't like being the main man in charge. Another wonderful Porter Gage quote, "Sure as hell ain't gonna be me; leading outright ain't my style, and there's already some blamin' me for supporting Colter all this time (more on the Colter bit later)." And "My talents are best put to use helping a new Overboss get all this shit under control. You get me?"... 

So, I spent the 2019 Spring semester (2nd semester of freshman year) and the 2019 Fall semester (1st semester of Sophomore year) as a member of some type of student government... The university I go to doesn’t have ‘dorms’ it has “Residential Colleges” and in the Res Colleges there’s a government called the RCC and I spent those 2 semesters as Vice President... Well, I was getting my bearings and learning the ropes in spring but when Fall rolled around, I was ready to rock. See, every member of the RCC I was a part of left, except me and this other girl. The other girl was a complete pushover, so I mostly got what I wanted and I was actually the guy in charge.. I even tossed the whole RCC Constitution and rewrote it to suit my needs... Only to have it used as toilet paper (more on this later).

That didn’t last too long as I was on the campaign to finding a new President, hell, I wanted to run... But I was met with the first of many strange obstacles... This mysterious “they” that thought it would be best if I didn’t run because of some wild BS that made absolutely no sense, and I quote, “They don’t think it’d look good on us if you ran for president since you didn’t run last semester.” Wtf? Well, I didn’t run and instead, some new transfer girl came in as president... And I got my first taste of being the Porter...

People would listen to her, and she would listen to me... They didn’t want me in charge, but I still was... And I’m sure they didn’t like it, but fuck ‘em...

Well, everything went tits up for the assholes in Housing (the mysterious ‘They’ has a name and I know ‘They’ are from Housing because they thwart me at every turn) and especially for the College Head when the president resigned... She bit off more than she could chew and just couldn’t handle the stress so she moved back home to up north land... Now was my time for a hostile takeover!!! Remember when I said I rewrote the constitution to suit my needs? Well, every other RCC constitution had a clause where the VP would take over for the President until a new one was elected... Except, it didn’t happen... No, this mysterious “They” told the President to “appoint” someone... This, boiled my blood... Especially since they NEVER once told me why they were doing me dirty... Well, jokes on those assholes, I raised a fuss over this and it led them to vote... Too my my fucking older brother DIED that weekend so I obviously couldn’t show up to defend myself or get any reasoning as to WHY they were doing what they were.

Well, while I was out for the week, things went in my favor... Hilariously and very ironically, they voted that the girl appointed as Interim President should NOT be interim and that it should just instead, follow the Constitution... (It’s ironic because this girl had a chronic issue of projecting where she would discredit ANYONE looking for a higher position by saying, “It’s a very stressful job. Idk if they can handle it... Etc.” she couldn’t handle her own fucking job as RA, that’s why she quit after one semester)... ANYWAY

Well, time rolls on and I’m grooming someone for the position of president... Someone I thought I could trust... A very close friend who I thought I could “guide” from the sidelines... Well, just like Gage and Conner, shit went south and I just happen to die in the crossfire... You see, I helped this friend. I talked him up, I helped him campaign (not literally... I just helped him get his ideas off the ground like, I was behind him)... And I was ready to crown my scapegoat... Except, things didn’t go as I had planned...

No, when the next semester rolls around, I’m all geared up to lead the charge into a new presidency, I’m also spearheading a few other projects (more on this later) and so, I’m ready to be the Porter again.... Except, I’m not... See, the meeting after we vote for the new president, the college head says we need a new Secretary (the RA who quit was the previous secretary) and we needed a new VP... Except, I was the VP! No, instead this dick flop goes around the room and asks the Web Chair if she wants to keep her position (She says no and so Dick Flop hands it off to the first bitch who raises her hand) And then Dick Flop asks the Media Chair if she wants to keep her position (She says yes) and then he proceeds to act as tho I’m not even there and asks for nominations for secretary and VP!

 The first RCA (Residential College Association) meeting of the new semester that we go to, the guy I made president, completely ignores the fact that at the RCA meetings, our Res College, is a team, who works together to vote on things... He acts completely alone... He ignores me, and I get pissed off... Well, come his first RCC meeting where he’s president, he completely undermines my title and job (I had been demoted and he was walking all over everybody...and I became RCA rep... I was supposed to relay the information we got at the RCA meetings to the RCC... The Dickhead president does this instead... In fact, he did everyone’s jobs) This was not okay. I tried to let him know that this was not okay and since he ignored me, I kinda threw my phone down on the table in front of him (I had to sign a sign-in sheet), picked it back up and stormed out.

Well, I wasn’t the only one who hated this guy... It seems that everyone was angry over something... See, there was another RCA rep... She didn’t get to do her job, so she got mad. The RAs and RD had a weekly meeting after RCC and since President Dick liked to suck himself and the College Head off, the RCC meetings lasted an hour. I don’t know how many people knew I was backing President Dick, but I’m sure those that did know, were a little miffed at me for backing him... My mistake... Hilariously enough, I had planned yet another hostile takeover... Covid just kind of, got in my way and forced me to change direction... Oops.

About that second project... I was in charge of a few different things... I was kind of important, for without me, the group was lacking specific information and various other things... Well, the more important project was All Campus Sing (and here I just gave away what University I go to because as far as I know, only one Uni does ACS)... Well, I was our ACS rep and I was trying to get a team together... Just, nobody was cooperating with me and so it was hard to get the word out... Well, shortly after I was abruptly kicked from my VP position, I was also kicked from my ACS rep position (However, those fucking idiots neglected to come to me and ask if there was anything they need to know... They thought that all they had to do was say they were interested and they could show up... However, they just invoked the wrath of the ONLY person that had any know-how of what they were supposed to do... So whenever I got an ACS email... I deleted it... They never got signed up... There was an actual process to getting entered into the competition... And they knew nothing about it... They didn’t even know what they were doing) If it wasn’t Covid who ruined their ACS, then it would’ve been me [thanks Covid...] In fact, because there WAS no ACS this year, they just re-streamed last year’s ACS instead... The one where I was on the winning Res College team.

Another thing I was in charge of was getting together an Academic Team.. We kind of had one, I was just the one who let people know when and where the matches where... And I was also trying to get a team together for the tournament... Except, everyone was too flaky and wouldn’t give me a straight answer... So, there was no team.... And so, on the eve of the Tournament, the College Head kept bothering me asking if I had a team and all that jive... Well, at that moment, I was sitting in a Logan’s in Paducah, KY after visiting a sex shop with some friends and my good buddy Matthew told me to just block the College Head... So I did, I blocked his number... And on the next day, Tournament Day, I slept... Then I went and hung out with some friends, one of which was showing me photos on Instagram where they had the Tournament... And every Res College was there... Except ours... And we laughed and I’m sure the College Head was mad... But I wouldn’t know, I blocked him and proceeded to avoid him like the plague... Old bastard...

To end this wild tale of heartbreak and deceit, I’d like to say this; I’m moving into a different Res College and I’m still debating on whether or not I want to take control there... I need to find a way to get back at the assholes in my old RC (Res College)... Like, most of the RAs were mean and smarted off to residents and were very disrespectful, and also the RCC that somehow became an exclusive club of ass-kissers and know-it-alls... I mean, yeah, I had my run of the place, but I can get that anywhere... It’s just my deal....

I also bend the ears of many people... In fact, I managed to pursuade a couple of my friends to move RCs with me (I only chose the one I did because I was chasing dick [shame on me I know...]... But I was gonna move regardless)... I am The Mastermind and I intend to have my run of the place in the new building.

This post was supposed to be about how I’m covertly coming out to my mom by pushing the envelope and asking her if I could get top surgery (on the basis of just not having to deal with breasts) or if I could have a Hysto (because periods amirite?) and also just how I have the awful habit of persuading people, mostly through some kind of manipulation, to do what I want....

It’s all about the Charisma, and my Charisma stat is maxed out...

Call me all the bad names you want to... Just know that I typically treat people right until they turn on me or hurt me in some way... Or, I mess with people in a harmless way and usually try to push for an outcome that helps everyone... Not just me... I use these tools for good! Not evil... Usually.... If there’s something I can gain from it, I’ll fight for it... Again, call me dirty names... I’m tired of being the nice guy doormat... This world’s made me into a selfish asshole and I’m no longer sorry...

[huge-dickgrayson]

A Word About Public Housing

This is the first year I have had to move from my home state to go to school. I was looking for places to stay in CO where I am moving to. There is a student exclusive community called Auraia Student Lofts which I had signed a lease with. The location is very good but not worth the trouble. The staff are inattentive and blow people off. My first trouble with the apartments was getting my student status verified. I am an out of state student and could not provide them with the documents they asked for. I told them I could provide them my acceptance letter but whomever answered the phone told me they only could accept a schedule or a student ID, which I hadn't recieved yet. Each time I called the receptionists told me different answers on how to amend the situation. I tried to email the original person who asked for my documents and she told me what she would accept as proof of my student status. I sent her the requested documents and she told me it was taken care of. Two weeks later we get our roommate assignments. They were assigned late, and the date for move in was getting closer and things still were not settled. My roommate email told me that my student status was not verified. It had been two weeks and I had been assured the situation was taken care of. So I emailed her back. She then tells me she is sorry and can't read my email attachments. TWO weeks AFTER she told me she took care of it. Apparently she was going to let me go unverified until move in day. Who knows. I finally got her to take care of it, though. After that happened I ran into other issues. I have an ESA cat for medical reasons and was told before signing the lease that it would not be a problem. Here we are in August, so close to move in day. One of my roommates informs me she is allergic to cats. I was told this wasn't going to happen before I signed my lease, that the apartment would take care of it and make sure I have someplace to stay. So I contacted them again about it. I emailed 3 people about the issue, including the general manager who supplied me with the paperwork for the ESA animal in the first place. One of the people at the front desk emailed me with six other girls to talk to about the animal to get their permission. Three said they were allergic and one told me no just because she likes dogs better than cats. So I still have a problem. I called the office every 2 hours to try and talk to someone. No one from the office bothered to pick up. I kept getting the leasing office who tell me they cannot transfer me to the main office. All they would do is take down my name and tell the managers to call me back. No one ever called me back. Not one time. After calling 8 times I finally get someone from the main office. She tells me the apartment will not move the non allergic girls into a room with me. I have to find a room with already assigned girls who will accept my MEDICAL animal. They put me at the mercy of people who could say no just because they like dogs. I didn't want to get anyone sick, and allergies are a real problem, but they wouldn't help me with the issue and told me my suggested solution wasn't possible. The receptionist refused to get the manager on the phone. She told me she would send me more girls to email and hoped it would work out for me, but wouldn't do anything do recitfy fhe problem. She never sent me more girls to email AND the general manager never emailed me back. I move in one week and currently have no place to live because the apartments waited until the last second to work this out. Or rather not do anything about the problem. I am stuck with no place to live. Unsure of what I am going to do after these people have screwed me out of an apartment when I signed a lease stating I would have somewhere to stay. I would not get into a contract with these people. and they knew full well and good that I have an emotional support animal. I told them up front about it and I jumped through all of theor corporate hoops to try and get thos taken care of. They assigned me to a roommate who is allergic to cats even though they knew that I have one for medical reasons. Now they refuse.to help me no matter who I call. I currently am facing getting rid of my cat or paying 1600$(A 1000$ fee for breaking my lease and the 600$ deposit they will not return to me even though I have yet to even step foot into their building) to move elsewhere. They have put me at the mercy of other students who can choose to not live with me solely because they do not like cats, or for a legitimate reason such as an allergy. But I have completely gotten shunted and my rights to reasonable accomodation have been violated. There is nothing I can do about this though, since I am not made of money. But I do fear for what I'm to do about my anxiety if worse comes to worst. The staff has been negligent at best and completely uninterested at worst. I wish I had never signed a lease with these people. They dony care that they are screwing with my life and wellbeing. I caution anyone with an ESA to carefully stipulate their landlords terms and get everything in writing. Because if it's not.in writing they definitely don't give a damn about you.