#salary negotiation skills

[blessphemy]

was seeing some tumblr post about wage stagnation and cost of living increase

you know I was feeling a little bit of “should I be ashamed?” about myself for not sticking with 1 job for more than 2 years (a combination of circumstances, the fields I’ve worked in, mergers, etc) and not having a Career but then I remembered that in the process of my skipping around I have on two occasions doubled my prior salary (not an exaggeration) so like

[technologistconfidant]

For anyone, starting a new job can be difficult. Already, the pressure of being evaluated is on you. Then there's the challenge of remembering everyone's names and navigating a confusing maze of similar-looking rooms. The head of early talent at Mars, a multinational food manufacturer, Andrew Sharp, claims that in addition to looking for professionals who exhibit the five principles of Quality, Responsibility, Mutuality, Efficiency, and Freedom, they also look for individuals who are "curious, self-aware, have a willingness to learn, develop, and grow at a pace".

Click here to read more such interesting articles.

[prosper-path]

Negotiation Skills: Getting What You Want in Business and Life

Negotiation is often perceived as a high-stakes game of winners and losers, a battle of wills where only the most assertive emerge victorious. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Effective negotiation is about collaboration, understanding, and finding mutually beneficial solutions. Whether you’re aiming for a salary raise, negotiating a business deal, or even resolving a conflict…

[udemycoursefree]

Data Analyst Salaries in 2023: A Comprehensive Guide

Data analyst play a pivotal role in organizations, translating raw data into actionable insights. In the ever-expanding realm of data analysis, professionals who wield the power of data to make informed business decisions are in high demand. As we step into 2023, let’s take a closer look at the salaries of data analysts and how they have evolved in recent years.

[satishmehtausa]

Negotiating Online

You may write a thoughtful email. But what if the other side needs to read or understand it carefully due to language and terminology differences?

[mentorshelly]

Mastering Salary Negotiations: Part 2 - The Key Role of Emotional Intelligence

Part 1 of the Master Salary Negotiation Series When it comes to salary negotiations, the ability to understand and harness emotions can make all the difference between success and disappointment. Emotional Intelligence (EI) plays a key role in these high-stakes conversations, empowering individuals to navigate the negotiation process with finesse and confidence. In this blog post, we will explore…

[novy2sirius]

how to find your house lords in your chart

explanation of house lords: house lords give us deeper insight than the sign itself in each house. there are 12 different house lords just like there’s 12 different houses. house lords are different than just the houses signs though

how to find them: in order to find a house lord you must first locate the sign of the specific house you want more insight on then locate the planet that rules that sign

planetary rulers for each sign: leo is ruled by the sun, cancer is ruled by the moon, virgo/gemini are ruled by mercury, libra/taurus are ruled by venus, aries/scorpio are ruled by mars, sagittarius/pisces are ruled by jupiter, capricorn/aquarius are ruled by saturn, aquarius is ruled by uranus as well in western astrology, pisces is ruled by neptune as well in western astrology, and scorpio is ruled by pluto as well in western astrology

examples: if your 7th house sign is aries then your 7th house ruler is mars, if your 5th house sign is sagittarius then your 5th house ruler is jupiter, if your 10th house sign is libra then your 10th house ruler is venus, etc

what each lord can tell you

༊*·˚ the 1h lord/chart ruler · can tell about the main themes in your life, physical appearance, identity, confidence, individuality, beauty, mannerisms, masculinity, fitness, etc

༊*·˚ the 2h lord · can tell about your finances, what you spend money on, values in life, self worth, possessions, stability, work ethic, singing voice, etc

༊*·˚ the 3h lord · can tell about your communication style, speaking voice, siblings, social media presence, perceptions, early school life, short journeys/trips, cars and transportation, conscious mind, neighbors, etc

༊*·˚ the 4h lord · can tell about your family, heritage, traditions, inner child, femininity, emotions, childhood, houses/homes, mother, etc

༊*·˚ the 5h lord · can tell about your children, fertility, talents, hobbies, pleasures (all, not just sexual), puppy love, short term relationships/flings, drama, creativity, self expression, joy, attention, etc

༊*·˚ the 6h lord · can tell about your daily routine/tasks, health, consistency, self improvement, analyzation skills, co-workers, pets, etc

༊*·˚ the 7h lord · can tell about your future spouses traits, where you’ll meet your future spouse, long term relationships, business partners, enemies, love affairs, negotiating skills, best friends, etc

༊*·˚ the 8h lord · can tell about your death, intimate life (sexual and general), major transformations, joint finances, investments, inheritance, taxes, trauma, secrets, reproduction, close connections, etc

༊*·˚ the 9h lord · can tell about your knowledge/wisdom, school life in college, traveling life, experiences with the law, viewpoints, languages, foreign environments, learning style, experiences with television and media, in-laws, etc

༊*·˚ the 10h lord · can tell about your career, public image, status, legacy, goals, responsibilities, fame, father, achievements, etc

༊*·˚ the 11h lord · can tell about your desires in life, friends, your salary, wealth, technological interests, uniqueness, influence, fans, internet followers, social networking, manifestations, humanitarianism, etc

༊*·˚ the 12h lord · can tell about your spirituality, healing, karma, experiences in old age, mental health problems, isolation, dreams/nightmares, bed pleasures, hidden desires and things, secret enemies, subconscious mind, fears, losses, etc

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Emotional Intelligence

The concept of emotional intelligence has been proposed to explain why some people with a lot of academic intelligence do not appear to have a lot of practical intelligence, people skills, or what might be called street smarts.

Goleman (1995), in his book, Emotional Intelligence, presents many cases of people who have high levels of traditional intelligence yet fail in various areas of their lives, such as in relationships.

Goleman also reviews the psychological literature and comes to the conclusion that traditional measures of intelligence, although predicting school performance fairly well, actually do a rather poor job of predicting later life outcomes, such as occupational attainment, salary, professional status, and quality of marriage (e.g., Vaillant, 1977).

Emotional intelligence, Goleman argues, is more strongly predictive of these life outcomes.

Emotional intelligence is proposed as a set of 5 specific abilities:

Awareness of one’s own feelings and bodily signals and an ability to identify one’s own emotions and to make distinctions (such as realizing the fear that lies behind anger)

Ability to manage and regulate emotions, especially negative emotions, and to manage stress

Control of one’s impulses—directing one’s attention and effort, delaying gratification, and staying on task toward goals

Ability to decode the social and emotional cues of others, to listen, and to take the perspective of others (empathy)

Leadership, the ability to influence and guide others without their becoming angry or resentful, the ability to elicit cooperation, and skill in negotiation and conflict resolution

It is easy to see how these skills and abilities relate to positive life outcomes and how they are so different from traditional concepts of intelligence, such as scholastic achievement and scholastic ability.

If these notes inspire you in any way, please tag me, or leave a link in the replies. I would love to read your work!

[vivmaek]

SOLAR RETURN OBSERVATIONS: PART TWO

Sun in the 1st House - This is a great year to center yourself and to focus on your needs. This is the start of a new chapter, and the influence of this placement gives the native enough energy and hope to bring about positive change. You might feel more excited about daily life and waking up every morning will feel a little bit easier. Enthusiasm comes naturally, and this placement will ease any other negative influences seen within the solar return chart. You might have several lightbulb moments in regards to your identity, and at the end of the year you’ll be feeling more confident than ever.

Jupiter in the 10th House - Opportunity is on its way. Jupiter is expanding all themes regarding the tenth house. The native is going to develop a strong sense of reputation and will notice a change in status by the end of the year. Their ego may inflate a bit, but this can be good if used wisely. Getting recognized, promoted, or an increase in salary are to be expected with this solar return placement. If the native travels under this influence, they will receive a lot of attention for their journey. Gaining favors from people in authority should also be relatively easy. 

Venus Conjunct Ascendant - The native is going to feel a lot of affectionate feelings and a need to express them. A sense of love is going to be elevated within all connections and the native will benefit from this influence. This is a great time to take on relationship problems. The native will seem especially attractive during this time and will probably go through a glow-up of sorts. Their personal style is being defined, and they’ll have the energy to put extra effort into their appearance. Negotiations will go well and will work in their favor. 

Sun Trine Midheaven - During the course of this year, the native is gaining an understanding on who they are and how that aligns with their wants and desires. Garnering achievements or some sort of reward is to be expected with this influence. The native is going after their goals and has all the support and tools on hand in order to do so. They are being encouraged to use their skills and resources in a focused manner. 

Moon Square Saturn - This aspect points to a lot of frustration. The sign of both the Moon and Saturn can give indication of what exactly the source of contempt is. The native might be lacking emotional control and is learning how to manage this. 

Pluto in the 6th House - A change in routine is very much needed with this influence. The native might take on a new position at work, giving them a new list of responsibilities. Or, they might start developing a workout routine or exercise plan. The native may start to notice changes to their body, ranging from weight gain/loss to aging. If you have any health issues, make sure to get checked up sometime this year. Physical trauma to the body might occur this year. The native could find themselves being more accident prone than usual. 

Saturn in the 9th House - There isn’t going to be much adventure this year. In fact, vacations or travel plans may end up delayed or canceled. If you are in college or university, this might be an especially hard year for you. Expect restrictions in school and from mentors. Assignments that used to take no time at all might start to take days instead. It would be a good idea to take a gap year during this time, or just a break in general. Saturn does reward hard work and effort though, so this decision is up to you. If you know you have it in you to keep pushing, then don’t give up.  

Mercury in the 4th House - Now is the time to make plans for future stability. Natives under this influence need to start thinking about domestic issues. Home renovations and fix-ups are a good idea when Mercury is in the fourth. Redecorating your home is also something that should be done during the year. The past is going to weigh heavy on the mind, and it would be good to focus on comforting your inner child. 

Moon in the 12th House - Mediation is a skillset that absolutely must be used and developed during this time. A lot of emotional fulfillment can be found through charitable work and spiritual practice. Emotional cycles and chapters in your life are going to be coming to a close. This is a time to retreat, reflect, and recharge. Embrace solitude. 

Mars Conjunct Uranus - Be cautious of accidents. Please drive safe and follow directions when using machinery. 

Mercury Trine Mars - Expect a lot of speed and energy entering your life. If this is a tight aspect, then this year is going to fly by. The days will go by quickly, and there is going to be a lot to do. 

Moon Trine Pluto - Go to therapy! This is an excellent time to connect with the subconscious. Deep rooted feelings and emotions are going to reemerge, but this will be beneficial and help aid the healing process. 

Uranus in the 11th House - If you’ve been feeling drawn to social justice and activism, this would be a good year to start getting involved. You might make some unexpected friends or unexpected changes may occur within your friendships. A wish fulfillment might randomly manifest during this year. The native will be able to come up with solutions for whatever setback might occur. You might realize that the straightforward path you were once trekking isn’t as straightforward as it once seemed. Issues within society might be affecting you on a more personal level. 

Chiron in the 11th House - Your connections with friends, and your hopes and dreams might undergo some damage. This might be a lonely year and the native is going to face rejection at one point. They are going to be told “no” over and over again, it is going to be a painful process. You might not fit in where you currently reside. 

Mars Square Ascendant - Unfortunately, the native is going to have to put up with a lot of bullshit under this influence. They might get bullied, harassed, or violated. It is important for them to avoid arguments and for them to try and walk away first during disagreement. People might assume they’re in a bad mood when they’re actually not. 

@courttt-xo

[superficialdomina]

Lost (Into Submission, Part 3)

Part 2: Pain

Series masterlist

AN: Loki's determined to prove you wrong, so he takes himself to a BDSM sex club to get his Dom on.

As always, an enormous thank you to @acidcasualties for making this whole series happen.

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: 18+; minors DNI. Explicit smut: oral (male receiving) PIV, elements of rough Dom!Loki. Hints of orgy/voyeurism. More Loki angst. Ana is 100% consenting, but naive. A reminder to young subs out there: always have pre-negotiated limits, and a safe word that you're prepared to use (I know you know, but I was a bit worried about Ana after this).

Also, writing Dom!Loki was surprisingly hot. Maybe I do get it after all.

Loki checked up and down the grimy street before he stepped out of the limo. He’d been driven right to the door of the club, but it wouldn’t do to be recognised in the few metres’ walk from the curb. He had handed the driver a crisp $100 bill as he left; the man’s salary from Stark Towers already paid for his discretion, but Loki wanted to ensure that his gratitude for that silence was understood. Straightening his suit jacket, he turned the door handle.

Inside was as nondescript as the outside; Loki navigated downwards through two floors of industrial concrete and metal to find what he was looking for. The deeper bass notes of electro-grunge seeped through the plush ruby door, and Loki felt the familiar thudding of his heart in time with the music. As always, he swallowed his budding anxiety, straightened to his full height, and stepped through the doorway of club Genuflexa.

The interior of Genuflexa – known as "the Gen” only to those who had never been inside – was darkened, but Loki’s eyes adjusted quickly. The basement floor was open, opulent, and luxuriously furnished, with beams, frames, rings and anchors adorning every surface at regular intervals. If it weren’t for the lack of windows and the faintly musty odour, it would be easy to forget that he was several floors underground. Bodies clustered at various points around the room, some playing, some watching, some lounging on the lush sofas where they pleasured themselves or each other. With skill that belied centuries of practice, Loki pushed the feeling of overwhelm from his mind.

“Mr. Smith,” a honeyed voice came from his shoulder. “It’s been a while.”

He looked down at the latex-clad brunette who had appeared beside him, giving her as smouldering a look as he could manage. Image. “Nervo,” he purred. “It’s good to see you.”

It wasn’t her real name, just as it wasn’t his, although unlike her, he genuinely didn’t know who she was outside this basement. The Genuflexa’s excessive membership fee paid for the privacy of all its patrons; nonetheless, as with his driver, he would leave Nervo a hefty tip to show his appreciation for her discretion. She may know his real name, but she certainly wouldn’t speak it.

“Can I take your jacket?”

“No.” He idly thumbed the edge of his sleeve. “I’ll keep it with me, thank you.”

Nervo smiled. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need, Mr. Smith.”

Loki briefly scanned the opulent surroundings, trying to ascertain the club’s energy tonight. The was a wildness in the air; something savage and untamed and feral that covered the luxurious décor like an invisible fog. It was exhilarating, and equally - Loki admitted it only in the deepest parts of his mind - frightening.

Loki turned to the abandoned bar, searching for something to do with his hands. There was never any liquor served here, but expensive bottles of still and sparkling water lined the countertop. He took an imported bottle of San Pellegrino, and closed his eyes for a moment to savour the crack of the aluminium lid as he twisted it open. The bubbles danced gently on his tongue; the cool of the glass was divine in his hands.

By the time he he opened his eyes, they had seen him.

They didn’t quite rush to him, but there was an eagerness with which they surrounded him, pressed their hot bodies against him, gazed up at his face in rapture. One – blonde, slender, notably bolder than her peers – met his eyes with hungry, dilated pupils.

“Are you-“

“My name is Mr. Smith,” Loki interrupted. He hesitated for a beat. “You may call me Sir.”

Her eyes narrowed for the briefest moment, then she giggled. “Mr. Smith, Sir, are you here to play?”

She looked so fragile, her waif-like frame buffeted by the beat of the music. I could snap her in half. He instinctively wanted to decline her invitation. Instead, he affected a well-rehearsed mask that, despite being achingly familiar, was never truly comfortable.

“What is your name, girl?”

“Ana, Sir.”

“How old are you, Ana?”

Ana giggled again. She was chewing gum, which Loki found highly unappealing. “I’m 25, Sir.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at her. “You wouldn’t lie to me, would you, Ana?”

“No, Sir.”

Loki caught Nervo’s eye over Ana’s shoulder; she gave a half-nod, half-shrug. The tiny woman was of age. He swallowed, and placed his San Pellegrino back on the bar.

“Come then, Ana – let’s find somewhere... comfortable.”

Ana squealed, taking his tie in her hands and pulling him towards her, snaking her lithe body against him as she walked him backwards across the club floor.

“My safe word is never,” Ana spoke loudly into his ear as they moved through the furnishings. Her unpleasant chewing continued, and she lowered her voice to a stage-whisper. “As in, I’ll never use it.” She giggled once more at her “joke”, batting her eyelids at him conspiratorially as her back met the rolled arm of a large, lush sofa. Loki managed not to roll his eyes.

The crowd had followed them; Loki tried to shut out the voyeurs who peered at them through the dark, to focus only on the sweet body before him. Ana. Loki hoped, for her sake, that it was not her real name. He lifted his chin, and straightened again.

“Get rid of your gum, girl,” he commanded. Ana didn’t look away as she spat her gum on the floor. Loki seethed.

“Not there, you filth.” She looked slightly taken aback, but she picked the wet wad of gum off the grimy floor and tucked it into her black corset. Loki hoped the revulsion in his face would be misconstrued by the onlookers as contempt. He loomed over her as he spoke again.

“Kneel.”

Ana’s mouth hung open; that word, from this man, this God – because of course she knew, they all knew, exactly who he was –  

But they don’t know, do they? The voice slithered through Loki’s mind like a serpent. Nobody knows. Nobody…

And for the briefest moment, your face swam in Loki’s eyes. Your luscious, curvy body, wrapped in straps of leather and softly jingling brass, his hands bound, prostrate before you, and your beautiful mouth so close –

Loki grabbed a fistful of Ana’s hair, pulling her down and forwards so that she stumbled to her knees. He lowered his voice, sneering.

“I said kneel, girl.”

The smirk was gone from her face, all trace of brat vanished as she sank back to rest on her heels, mouth and eyes wide, hands resting demurely in her lap. Loki had not released his grip on her hair; with his other hand, he freed his cock from his suit trousers. Mesmerised, Ana watched it grow hard before her as he pumped himself slowly, his fist only centimetres from her open mouth.

He tugged roughly at her hair, pulling her up to face him.

“You will look me in the eyes as you take me in your throat. Do you understand?”

Ana nodded, not breaking eye contact, straightening on her knees and widening her jaw to take him as he guided her forwards, fingers still wrapped tightly in her hair. As her mouth enveloped him, he lifted his own hand off of himself and stroked her cheek with his fingers. She was ambitious, her hot, wet mouth bobbing eagerly, saliva running down her chin as it spilled from around the edges of him. He watched her cheeks hollow with every lunge she made.

“Use your hands, girl,” he growled, and she whimpered, lifting her arms precariously to run her fingers over the fabric covering his thighs, tracing the ridges of muscle beneath. Loki grit his teeth. “Not there.” He took her hand and guided it to the base of his cock, curving her fingers around him. She gripped him hard. Still she did not break his gaze.

Loki felt the room pressing in; felt the hot, filthy gaze of the crowd as they wordlessly egged him on, their heavy breaths and moans pushing and demanding, and Loki’s own voice telling him not to fail, don’t fail, and Ana’s sweet young face stared back at him with those wide, dark eyes-

Without warning, he pulled her head back, causing his cock to slip from her wet mouth with a grotesque slurp. She was gasping for air. He let go of her hair, watching her closely.

“Stand.” Ana did so, unsteadily, but consciously. The collective audience grunted and moaned; Ana seemed somewhat recharged by their encouragement. “Turn around.”

Delighted, Ana turned, arching her back so that her petite bottom poked out from under her short skirt. She was clearly naked underneath; even in the dark, Loki could see the outline of her surprisingly plump labia between her slim legs.

“Put your forearms on the couch, and spread your legs.”

“Yes, Sir,” Ana breathed, and she bent forward so that her skirt tipped up over her midsection; Loki roughly widened her legs with his foot until she seemed suitably off-balance. He placed his hands on her slender hips, tracing the lower curve of her exposed buttocks with his thumbs.  Ana gasped theatrically.

“Are you going to spank me, Daddy?” Ana whined, peering back over her shoulder at him.

Loki glowered at her. “You will call me,” he said, bringing his wide palm down on her silky flesh with a thwack, “Sir.” He swapped hands, slapping her other cheek in punctuation. Ana flinched, crying out in pain with each strike. Loki softly stroked the reddening skin, soothing her. “Never” indeed, Loki thought cruely, scathingly. I could have you safewording out in minutes if I-

But in truth, he had no interest in hurting her. He trailed his gaze over her small body back up to her face, and realised with quiet horror that she had tightened restraints around her own wrists; the cuffs, which must have been waiting within her reach, were affixed via a long chain to the base of the sofa. Loki suppressed a shudder.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” Ana whined again. “Are you going to fuck me now, Sir?”

Loki’s mouth was dry; he wished he hadn’t left his water on the bar. The crowd pressed in again, and Loki could feel them now, actually feel them, their bodies moving against him as they jostled for the best view, desperate to watch this young woman be fucked and flogged and beaten and broken by a God… And Loki knew, as he had known from the moment he stepped out of the limo and descended the Genuflexa’s concrete stairs, that he would give them all what they wanted.

He purred at Ana menacingly. “Would you like that, girl?”

“Yes, Sir. Please, Sir.”

With one hand still on her hip, he guided himself to her, pressing his wide tip against her and feeling her wet, slippery resistance as her body stretched to take him. He could feel the heat of her, the elasticity of her. She was so hungry for him. She will likely be fast, he thought with relief as he eased into her.

He began to move in her, and she moaned, and the crowd moaned with her as they ground and gyrated against each other. Loki felt like he was fucking all of them at once, and he knew that it should make him feel powerful, to have their eyes on him, their desire, their pleasure at his mercy. Instead, he felt hollow. Mechanical. Yes, he would give them what they expected from their beautiful alien Prince, whose bloodlines and arrogance and titanic vanity must surely imply his need for dominance, for control, for carnal power.

Loki glanced up, still numbly thrusting into Ana as she writhed and moaned against the soft arm of the sofa. Across the room, through the dark haze (was it the club or just his eyes?), he could make out a young man, naked, facedown over a covered wooden beam. An elegant series of Shabari knots restrained him from shoulder to toe; a tall woman, dressed entirely in leather, stood over him, a short riding crop in her hand. The young man’s eyes were closed, his forehead resting on the beam, as his entire body was stroked and touched and teased. While Loki watched, the leather-clad domme lifted the crop and struck him swiftly across the buttocks; the young man flinched slightly, but did not open his eyes.

Loki stared, enthralled. The scene was utterly beautiful.

And for the second time, images of you came to him unbidden. You, standing before him as he lay restrained; you, binding his body in beautiful knots, bending him to your will, taking your pleasure from him and making his pleasure your own, and he, Loki, giving that power to you because he knew it was safe, because he knew it was what he truly wanted -

With a strangled cry that was eerily mimicked by the masturbatory audience, Loki pulled himself from Ana’s body and spilled his Godly seed over her cheeks, which were still marked red with his handprints. His own cheeks burned with shame. What had he done to her while he was lost in this fantasy? Had she climaxed? Was she hurt?

“Ana, are you alright?” For a moment she remained slumped over the arm of the sofa, but at his touch on her shoulder, she straightened, and turned to him with a sex-drunk smile across her face. The crowd were reaching for her, stroking her skin, her hair, any part of her that they could touch; for a few moments, she was their Queen. He took her shoulders, eyeing her closely. He repeated his question. She nodded mutely, still smiling dreamily. Loki turned, looking for supplies that were usually present at the foot of the lounge, but found none.

He roughly grabbed the arm of the closest of the watching horde. “You,” he barked, then took a deep breath. Don’t overcompensate. “Please, I need a warm washcloth and some drinking water.”

But when Loki turned back to Ana, she was gone; vanished into the clutch of her adoring audience.

Loki stood still as the crowd around him dissipated, consumed with shame that no one else would see. He couldn’t look at the young man in the Shabari restraints; couldn’t speak to the woman who returned with the cloth that Ana would never use. He could only reflect on the last few minutes, replaying the scene that had appeared in his mind in his final moments of ecstasy. Loki clenched his jaw.

Fuck.

Continued in Part 4: Training

Tags: @lokisgoodgirl @acidcasualties @infinitystoner @lady-rose-moon @coldnique @thomase1 @kats72 @holymultiplefandomsbatman @tomlugirl @lokisninerealms @missmushroomsstuff @ladyloki3 @fandxmslxt69 @sinsandguilt @sarahscribbles @lunarnights95 @meowmeow-motherfucker @simplyholl @divine-knight-hand @gigglingtiggerv2 @lunarnights95 @eleniblue @loz-3 @redfoxwritesstuff @wolfsmom1 @beksib @nyx2021

(Would you like to be tagged/not tagged? Please let me know. Reblogs and comments greatly appreciated!)

[mjalti]

Ana the working girlies NEED your thoughts, tips and tricks on negotiating pay in the workplace and advocating for ourselves. don’t know if you’ve already done this……

financial freedom is always the goal; keep your money in HYSA or retirement funds. do not let others influence you to buying stupid shit.

never be loyal to a company but never mistake money for peace; another company may pay you marginally more but shitty coworkers/hours will cost you more than you think.

always, always, always have your resume out somewhere. peruse Indeed or whatever and apply somewhere; always accept the interview. your interview skills need to stay sharp and the best time to accept a job is when you don’t NEED one, because you can ask for whatever salary you think is unattainable.

whatever job you’re in, keep a placeholder in mind; “I’m only here for 365 days”. Have a countdown available to actually countdown. This will do 2 things; one thing it will do is encourage you to be great at your job. not to please your boss, but to perform. the second thing it will do is remind you to move on. if, in one year, you do not have a PROMOTION or a higher salary, it’s time to take those interviews seriously.

never think your coworkers are anything more than co-laborers. Memorize the “crabs in a bucket” analogy. Memorize it.

[birdstooth]

This is a really silly doodle that fits in with what is now an ongoing saga I guess 🤷‍♀️

(1) phantom obedience training, (2) positive reinforcement

EDIT: omg I forgot I wasn’t supposed to post this until the POLL finished 😭😭😭

far too many NOTES below the cut 🎶

As part of his ongoing efforts to be“good” Erik is learning doing his income taxes this year!

(Like he definitely 100% does every year! Multiple times even, just for fun!! And bc he is very extremely skilled!!!)

idk if they had income tax at that time tbh… but I feel like it would come up if Christine encouraged him go legit and negotiate a salary with the opera managers haha

Also Erik would prob be really excited about it, like “omg we are doing our income taxes together, like a HUSBAND and WIFE would!! 😍😍😍”

In my mind he gets unreasonably giddy imagining all the domestic activities that “normal spouses” might do together eg:

“we are brushing our teeth at the same sink, like a HUSBAND and WIFE!”

“She is tidying the inside of the lair house like a WIFE, while I am outside lighting the 300 candles that float on the lake like a HUSBAND!”

“My WIFE is making dinner while I do the HUSBAND task of drowning intruders feeding the siren!”

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Playbook: How To Cultivate Self-Regard (In Every Area Of Life)

How to live with self-respect in every aspect of life. Here's your ultimate guide to living in your dark feminine energy.

Living with self-regard (or self-respect) means understanding that you cannot pour from an empty cup and the importance of making yourself your #1 priority. Feeling your best also has a domino effect. You become a better friend, boss, sibling, parent, child, lover, etc. when you feel comfortable with yourself and content in your own skin. Of course, some of these practices will apply to more than one area of life (ex. Sleep improves your physical and mental health and a good night’s rest can also be considered an act of self-care), but these principles/examples are divided up to streamline these tips. Enjoy xx 

Areas of Life: 

Career

Self-Care/Self-Development 

Finances

Physical Health 

Mental Health/Emotional Well-Being 

Sexual Health/Sexuality & Sensuality 

Relationships (All Types - Friends, Family, Work, Intimate) 

Career: 

Discover what you love: Find the subject matters, industries, and a way of adding value that lights you up inside. Take a job or get creative in your methodology to make this area of interest into your career.

Set clear goals: Do I want to work at a particular company? What position/title? Do I want to go out on my own – who are my dream clients, work volume, lifestyle, business structure, income? Write all these details down and strategize small, practical daily tasks/habits to reach your goal.

Build an indispensable skillset: Research, case-building, copywriting, strategic planning, computer programming, sales, data analytics, etc. Learn transferable skills to guarantee you'll always have something valuable to bring to the table in our ever-changing world/work culture. Start with one and accumulate more as you work towards self-mastery.

Know your worth: Negotiate – your salary, rates, workday structure, corporate benefits, PTO, etc. Never let someone have you begging for breadcrumbs or the bare minimum.

Speak up (when necessary): Communicate – clearly, directly, and assertively. Don't let someone walk all over you. Finish your sentences with certainty even if someone tries to interrupt you while you're speaking. Advocate for yourself, whether you're trying to secure a promotion, a new project, a proposed solution for a client, or taking a necessary break. Also, know when it's in your best interest to stay silent. Ensure your integrity remains intact. The truth of a matter speaks volumes.

Organize your day (Prioritize!): Set yourself up to win by outlining your priorities first before others' tasks and projects consume your mind and calendar. List your top 3 to-dos for the day that are non-negotiables for you and will inch you closer to your goals. I recommend the Productivity Planner for daily use.

Keep records: Have email records and call notes regarding every interaction and decision written down. This practice enables you to stand your ground when necessary and saves you a lot of trouble.

Set boundaries: Proudly affirm your 'no' to a project, any disrespectful comment, or too many nights of overtime work. Schedule and stick to your breaks and the time you clock out (within reason, of course). Never allow a company or endeavor to run you into the ground at the expense of your mental or physical health.

Make connections: Cultivating a network of mentors, colleagues, and peers in the same or adjacent fields is priceless. These connections can lead to new opportunities, provide a healthy and productive space to explore ideas, or generally vent and exchange advice. Strike up that conversation at lunch or an event. Follow up with a LinkedIn request or thoughtful email. You never know what this conversation might lead to and the opportunities it can bring.

Self-Care/Self-Development: 

Create daily/weekly rituals: Establish ones that add a little joy and streamline your day. These habits can range from a 10-minute yoga or meditation session every morning, to practicing morning pages or a daily shadow work prompt, reading 10 pages daily, getting your steps in, and planning your tasks, lunch, and outfit for the next day the night before to creating a weekly house-cleaning schedule or meal planning. Discover systems that allow you to put yourself first and set you up to win the day.

Find ways to feel beautiful: Create luscious skincare, shower, and hair/makeup/nail routines that make you feel like a queen. Invest in well-fitting, high-quality wardrobe staples. Make your favorite cup of coffee or tea daily. Keep your signature scent on hand. Exfoliate. Invest in matching pajama sets.

Indulge all of your senses: Light a candle. Put on a moody playlist to relax, focus, unwind, or turn you on – any melody that suits the occasion and gets you in the zone. Take a bubble bath or do a face mask. Relish in a warm beverage or a healthful, comforting meal. Use silk pillowcases, hair ties, and bed sheets. Pamper yourself with small everyday luxuries.

Expand your knowledge: Make it a priority to read a few articles and 10 pages of a book daily. Being educated on different topics and the world provides you with personal fulfillment and enables you to enter into a wider pool of conversations. This practice also strengthens your mind, sharpens focus, and helps your brain relax.

Explore your interests: Learn what subjects and activities light you up inside. Whether it's painting, dancing, tennis, spin classes, learning about ancient world history, politics, fashion, science, etc. Take time to study and practice in these areas of interest.

Embrace your creative side: Write, read, draw, create a mood board, explore Pinterest or Tumblr, style outfits, organize a section of your room, cook a new recipe, make a playlist – any fun activity that ignites creativity.

Plan dates for yourself: Take yourself out for coffee, lunch, a shopping date, or even a mini vacation. You deserve to enjoy experiences and derive pleasure from enjoying these life moments without worrying about anyone but yourself.

Remember to rest: Getting 7-8 hours of sleep nightly and taking breaks is essential for productivity and overall well-being. Never feel guilty for allowing your body and mind to recover. Neglecting rest only backfires if you're playing the long-term game.

Finances: 

Know your income/expense ratio: Ensure you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out every month. Create a personal balance sheet to audit your financial well-being.

Track everything: Keep a record of every stream of income and where every dollar is going – expenses, savings, estimated taxes, investments, charity, etc.

Have a set emergency fund: Between 3-12 months of expenses should be ready in a high-yield savings account at all times. If you have a family or are self-employed, aim for 6-12 months of necessary savings to stay sane. Saving this amount of money takes time. Be patient, and cut back on frivolous expenses if needed for the short term. It's an act of self-care.

Invest (especially in a Roth IRA or backdoor Roth IRA): Set one up through Vanguard or Fidelity ASAP if you have not already. Don't underestimate the importance of compound interest on your financial future and security.

Automatically pay yourself first: Automate a portion of your paycheck to savings and your investments, so you never see this money. Pay yourself first before spending (on anything but necessities).

Always max out your 401K employer-matching: Make sure you know what percentage your employer will match and always meet this investment requirement. Do yourself the favor. It's literally free money.

Only spend on your essentials & what you actually enjoy: Invest in pleasurable items and activities strategically. Only spend on additional experiences and products that add value to your life. Cut unfulfilling expenses.

Read about personal finance/speak with your brokerage firm: Take time to read about these topics and learn everything your parents didn't teach you or were not taught at school. Use licensed professionals (CPAs, brokerage firms, etc.) as a resource, too, for your personal goals.  

Use savings plug-ins/discount codes 

Physical Health: 

Cook/eat healthy meals: At least 80% of the time. Focus on eating whole foods and a (mainly) plant-based diet. I've been vegan for 10 years and it's done wonders for my body, skin, and mental clarity.

Drink plenty of water daily: Set a target of ounces = to your weight in pounds. Incorporate lemon, lime, orange wedges, or frozen berries if necessary to keep this habit interesting.

Find workouts you love: Whether that's low-impact like pilates, yoga, walking or dance classes, spin classes, weight-lifting, etc. The best exercise routine is the one you can gladly maintain.

Make daily movement a priority: At least 15-30 minutes daily. I aim for 10-12K steps at least 5 days a week.

Limit processed foods, alcohol, cigarettes 

Step outside: Get at least 10 minutes of sun daily, weather permitting. Always wear sunscreen.

Sleep Well: Aim for 7-8 hours (Create a sleep hygiene routine!)

Maintain proper hygiene: Shower daily, moisturize, wash your hair on your necessary schedule, brush your body from head to toe, etc.

Do pelvic floor exercises: It does wonders for your bladder and helps to satisfy your libidinal energy.

Go to your annual appointments: Primary doctor/Obgyn/Dentist/Dermatologist

Mental Health/Emotional Well-Being: 

Meditate: Some of my favorite ones are linked HERE (for anxiety), HERE, (focus/productivity), and HERE (feminine/sexual energy).

Journal: Do a daily shadow work prompt, gratitude journal exercise, or practice morning pages (stream of consciousness journaling for 3 pages every morning).

Read: 10 pages of a self-development/psychology book, at least 3-5 articles, or a chapter of a fiction or non-fiction book. Daily.

Take breaks: A 10-minute walk, a real lunch break, listening to music, making coffee. Something pleasurable to recenter your focus and energy.

Discover movement you love: Walking and dancing are your best friends.

Keep your space clean: Wipe off all surfaces and put things away daily. Keep your desk organized. Clean and put away the dishes before bed. Stick to a house cleaning schedule.

Make to-do/bullet-point lists: For every area of life – work, chores, groceries, other items you need, wishlists, activities, and hobbies you want to pursue

Schedule and plan out your week: House cleaning, laundry, work project management, email time blocking, appointments, beauty routines, workouts, etc.

Create non-negotiables: Sleep, daily walks, a healthy dinner, your skincare routine, a 15-minute shower – whatever must-do rituals you need to look and feel your best every day.

Connect with your inner circle: Make a deliberate effort to stay in touch and catch up with those who are loyal and have your best interest at heart. Make time to chat on the phone, send a text, or better yet –get coffee, lunch, drinks, or dinner weekly with at least one person who you know makes your life richer in some type of way.

Put restrictions on social media/screen time: Use your settings to limit your time on certain apps (Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok, Facebook, etc.). I set mine for 2 hours a day. Stop checking email right before bed and first thing in the morning (at least try really hard not to –I'm so guilty of this one!).

Give freely: Be generous with those who you love, mentors, and mentees. Everyone appreciates when you put a little effort into giving someone a small thoughtful gift, doing a kind gesture, or lending an ear. It makes you feel good and can make someone's day, week, month, or year.

Set boundaries: Take time for yourself – to recharge, indulge in solo activities, have some fresh air, breathe, or sit in silence. Give freely with no expectations, but never overextend yourself. When seeking to know whether you're striking the right balance between giving and gatekeeping your energy ask yourself: Am I being kind, or do I feel like I'm losing a piece of myself when engaging with this person/attending this event? Be honest with yourself. Listen to and follow your initial gut reaction.

Go to therapy: If you can afford it, weekly (or bi-weekly, monthly) sessions are a game-changer for self-discovery, emotional regulation, and general happiness/life fulfillment.

Sexual Health/Sexuality & Sensuality:

Let go of shame: Internalize your right to pleasure. Claim ownership over this aspect of your life. It gives you confidence in and outside of the bedroom, so you move through the world with a magnetic aura and powerfully feminine energy.

Own your sexuality and preferences: Embrace who and what you're attracted to. This principle extends from your sexual orientation to your libido, turn-ons (fantasies, adult content, steamy memories, etc.), preferred positions, kinks, and devices. Sexuality and arousal are so personal. Allow yourself to be free of stigmas for the things you do in private. No one needs to know how you derive pleasure behind closed doors (unless it's a partner who's involved, of course).

Make time for self-pleasure and exploration (at least weekly): Understanding that you're in control of your own pleasure is empowering. Learning what you like is essential for sexual gratification – whether you're alone or sharing the experience with a partner.

Allow the mind-body connection to be your friend, not your enemy: Sex starts in the mind, so this point is important for climaxing. Get out of your head and into your body. Learning to enjoy your own body is a sign of self-respect.

Keep everything clean & hygienic: Only wash inside with water (no steaming!), clean any toys, and use protection. Safety and self-regard go hand-in-hand.

Find products & habits that make you feel beautiful: Invest in lingerie, sheets, perfume, body lotions, candles, wine, etc. that make you feel confident while in the mood.

Engage in playful & creative activities: Don't be shy about (safe and consensual) experimentation (I'll leave this to your imagination) and activities to build up tension, like a romantic dinner or a dancing session beforehand to make this area of your life more exciting and fulfilling.

Relationships: 

Communicate expectations: Clearly and often with any individual in your life. Listen and respond. Don't react. Validate emotions when necessary. If someone cannot do the same, understand that it's almost always a sign of projection. Remain calm and confident in yourself. Always command and show up to others with the highest level of respect.

Have empathy, but not at your own expense: Live with respect and consideration for others, but remember your life is for YOU. Beware of guilt-trippers. Don't take the bait.

Set boundaries: Uphold them unapologetically. Seek to understand others' needs and boundaries, so you can be considerate of their needs too. Empathy and kindness come from a place of self-respect. They are not the same people-pleasing.

Be generous (but don’t overextend yourself): See above in the mental health section.

Be true to yourself: Authenticity is essential to personal fulfillment. Live in your uniqueness. Remember: trying to be someone else doesn't work, she's already taken. You have so much value to offer this world. Let your queen energy shine through. Live your truth. Remain self-assured. Be unapologetically you.

[42bakery]

So Franco is saying that riding for Vr46 would be like closing a circle (and of course Valentino will keep the seat for him), and there have been rumors that Diggia has chosen to stay with Vr46 (usually reliable source). Uccio said that they really want to keep Diggia and also that next year they’ll have one GP25 and one GP24 and that Ducati will only produce three GP25. So this would mean that Fermin will ride alongside Alex in Gresini for next year even if Gresini isn’t the factory supported team

Hi there anon 👋👋👋👋

I think I agree with you, but I also don't trust Ducati at all.

For me it was a given that Franky was going to go to VR466 once Pramac was going to Yamaha. There's no way in hell Vale will let Franky go back to Yamaha after the way he went out. Or the lack of relationship with Fabio or the way Franco pestered Yamaha or the way he showed how much he didn't want to be there. So Franky to Yamaha was a no go. I don't think Yamaha would have proved it either. I know that Pramac now has the control on who they put in the bikes, but usually satellite talks with the factories, so Yamaha would say they don't approve.

Now Diggia to stay in the VR46 makes sense, because it gives the team some stability. They don't need 2 riders to get used to the team, they just have one. Also because Diggia was hand picked by Ducati to be there, and it's probably the reason that VR46 is getting the 3rd GP25. Now I don't know how far the negotiations are, because I think Ducati was involved last time and this time is just Uccio, Pablo, Diggia and the manager, so no Ducati banking there. I also read that Diggia would like a role on development/close to the factory, and I don't know how much Ducati will let him, so the Yamaha is still an option. And Fabio said it himself, he has more than 1 option (3 in fact, one which we don't know anything).

Now about Fermín, if the above is true, then yes, he's going to the Gresini team, but I do remember Pablo Nieto, VR46 team manager, say that they actually want Fermín. And this is not something new, last year they pushed, hard, very hard and got cockblocked by Ducati and Luca Boscoscuro. Nieto also said and they won't make the decision until the break. Also he's not the one who will decide, nor Uccio, it's Vale the one who has the last word in this so who knows. Fermín said he doesn't care between Gresini or VR46, but he likes/feels like VR46 is his home (it was in Assen) (Also ironic he said that when he's a Marc fan, but whatever)

Now lets go to the bike. That is a freaking mess. At first it was said Fermín would have the GP2024 and the GP26 for 2026 year, then in COTA Fermín was told by Ducati he was going to get the GP2025. I do believe him because Ducati is tricky and likes to play mind games with all their riders, and if the said 'we only have 4 one one is for the rookie' they could make riders panic and rush the decision for shitty/bad/worse conditions. But here comes Marc, who by not playing the game, he screwed Ducati, so they don't have that leverage card, or that pressure anymore. There's no official satellite team, and no team has the GP25 exclusivity any more. So the GP2025 is for the one with better negotiation skills or the one who plays Ducati game the be Fermst.

So I've been hearing that Fermín's contract with Ducati is 1st year a bike to Ducati's discretion and the 2nd one with the official bike. I do remember reading at first that for the 2025 season it was going to be the GP24, and maybe they aim to give him the GP2024 as it was first planned. But then again, they can use Fermín as leverage with other teams, like if you keep him and assume his salary, you get the GP25 bike, which is something I think Ducati is capable of doing.

And the last part, about Gresini not being factory supported is not actually true. Ducati has his own engineers there, and they do treat their satellite teams ferly okay, and if Fermín goes there and the team doesn't get the GP25 I think they will demand more support to level up the field with VR46.

Now this is personal, and people might not agree with me, not I have anything to back this, but I don't understand why Fermín is not getting the GP25. I know he's a rookie, well other rookies had gone to Pramac and got the factory bike (Bagnaia and Martín). I also feel it odd because he will get the GP24 but then move to the GP26, so either Ducati already know that the GP25 is not going to be a good bike or suit him, or they want to screw him. I mean I already know they have screwed him because:

a) 2 + 2 year deal, which probably says he can move to the Factory in 2027, but then Ducati won't honour it because that is what they told Martín, and look where he is.

b) He's a Ducati rider and Ducati is already saying they won't pay him. They literally said that they will only pay 2 riders, and Fermín has a contract with Ducati Corse, so whose paying those 300.000 euros? (Probably more due to the pole, podiums and win bonuses they get, but still).

c) It's Ducati. it's in their nature to be an ass to their riders (points at Casey, Andrea, Jorge, Andrea again, Danilo, Miller, Enea, Martín, Zarco).

For me it's also difficult to see why if Fermín is going to Gresini the GP25 goes to VR46. Fermín is getting the official bike next year, so wouldn't it make sense for him to go to the 'official' satellite/the satellite with the official bike? But as I say this is just personal

Do I agree with you? Yes, but until everything is closed, I won't trust anyone because we are talking about Ducati

[singlesomethinginstyle]

Good Girl, Bad Boy

Part 1.

That’s what we’re raised to be. We’re all decent people, aren’t we?

Girls, especially. 

This is the expectation cast on women right from childhood - when playtime is slowly replaced by chores, classroom rowdy behaviour is punished harshly, higher expectations of both behaviour and performance dangled on our heads. 

Girls, right from childhood are held to higher standards. 

Boys play. Girls have to play nice. 

Our earliest toys are not rowdy action figures, they’re tea sets, household kits and kitchen sets. Instead of play-acting hero stories, we’re taught games where we play-act a household, hold play-weddings and pretend to have kids, perform rituals and marry off said kids. 

Girls are rewarded for learning chores and getting organized at an early age - it’s an expectation. 

For a guy - they’re just rowdy boys - what can you expect? If they exhibit the same behaviour, it’s the sign of genius. 

When it comes to schooling, the same expectations carry over, except with an undercurrent - girls are consistently held to a higher standard of behaviour, excellence, performance. It is also subtly dangled over their heads to be grateful for every ounce and opportunity of educational advancement allowed us, thanks to the schooling system, because your mothers and grandmothers surely didn’t have these, did they?

Most desi women have been given the opportunity to study because the law and the systems of our countries says they should, not because individual pairs of parents assessed their children and believed a certain type of education and opportunity means better growth for this child. 

And the underlying denominator that leads them to this kind of thinking is the idea of a woman as Paraya Dhan - Literally - someone else’s wealth. The current patriarchal models followed by desi societies (most of them, pardon me, as I am not aware of how some matriarchal communities function) is that once a woman reaches a certain marriageable benchmark, she is eventually shifted to another family which becomes her sole focus. 

Her new family earns the benefit of her education, her salary, her expertise or her past achievements. Her skills are put to use for the benefit of the family she marries into. This is even a prominent point of negotiation when arranged marriages are formulated - Can the daughter help her parents financially or should it all go to her husband and in-laws? Can we avoid a dowry if she promises to dedicate her salary to her in-laws?

The marriageable benchmark for desi women in modern times is being defined as = 

[ age of majority + childbearing ability+ household skills + education & degrees + Money & earnings she brings into the new family ] 

And meeting this benchmark means attracting in-laws who are also of a similar or higher standing which benefits the families coming together. So much so that, some girl-parents overstretch their means to make sure their daughters hit benchmarks beyond their means - expensive schooling, international education with crippling lifelong debt and similar choices, with this equation in mind. Mind you, given so many government schemes, parents begin saving for their daughters’ marriages right from when they’re toddlers, such as the famous Sukanya Samriddhi scheme. Is it a stretch to imagine that the average girl-parents have already charted her future when she begins to walk?

And to achieve these benchmarks, the average girl child is subject to stricter standards of behaviour, social compliance, educational standards by teachers and achievement benchmarks. 

They’re rewarded, reinforced and supported all the way into college and university, until the shackles and expectations of love and marriage start to descend upon adulthood, 

So much that even guys begin to notice at an early age - but their registering of the problem is different. 

Guys at an early age realise they can get away with a lot of things because, well, boys will be boys. 

Scraped knees, broken neighbour’s window? Psshhh.. No biggie

Fireworks in the classroom? Lines and running in the grounds thanks to the PE teacher. 

Playing cricket in the halls? Kneel down or stand outside the class. 

Bunking classes, smoking and drinking? Suspension for 3 days (aka the holiday they wanted). 

Are any of these really punishments? Where is the reward for good behaviour and the genuine consequences for the bad?

From an early age, boys are exposed to the boundaries girls are, but instead of expecting compliance, they’re expected to test them. A lot of their behaviour is excused as boyish yuva ka josh. 

However, there is something to be said that they notice the attention and discipline with which the average girl is groomed for long-term success from day one. And I kid you not, it is discipline and success. Girls are raised, equipped with crucial survival skills right from childhood but the same is not the case with guys. 

They notice the outcomes - girls are believed over boys when something happens. The word of a girl is prioritized when something goes wrong. Acting out is not even an expectation laid on a girl. Guys notice that girls are EXPECTED to succeed, while for them, SUCCESS is a bonus or a happy accident but not a pre-requisite. 

Most guys do not have the same careful behavioural grooming, exposure to tailored influences with the long term goal of seeing them win in the olympics, join the army, become a diplomat, run a business or become the CEO of a tech company. They’re allowed to grow wild until adulthood hits them hard, and then they have to scramble. 

A lot of this is the result of wilful pampering at home - where traditional roles dictate that the Son of the family takes responsibility for the family. In a sense of collectively misguided thought, parents tend to pour more love (read: pampering) into the Son - by excusing his behaviour, allowing his childish explorations, giving into their rebellion or wilfulness, funding their lavish lifestyles, in the hope that their Raja Beta would turn around and do the exact same for their aged mother and father - host them and pamper them in their old age the same way they pampered their dear son. 

This trend continues till adulthood - they’re still living with their mothers, their jobs, porn and dating being the only adult outlets in their lives, while they wait for said families to find eligible girls for them to marry. They haven’t done a thing to develop themselves as individuals with something to offer other than a dick and a paycheck or a personality that consists of cheering at cricket matches. 

Which brings me to Adulthood.

Nearly every woman I’ve met who has some degree of self awareness has envisioned a plan for her future. She has survival skills that involve everything from chores in the house to tasks for the household. They know what age they want to or are going to marry and how much it will cost the family, they know what investment plans they want to make so they become financially free. 

They know what hobbies and side gigs they want to nurture, they know what their career graph will look like, and what they want to do. They even have calculated the cost of going abroad and living in various countries to make any of these happen. 

Most guys on the other hand, have no clue. They’re still living at home, obsessed over the latest gadget or new internet guru, have no implementable life skills, can’t make a cup of tea or run a load of laundry to save their lives, have no clue how to develop their personality, or have an investment plan for themselves, family, elders or even themselves. They have no idea what to do when marriage is on the horizon, or when building a life requires foresight and action. 

So at the same age of 25, a woman has already planned 50-90% of her life out in various aspects and is already making arrangements to realise them while a man has discovered the joys of a disposable income and has no thoughts beyond the cricket match he can finally splurge on without his parents’ nagging. 

At age 30, a woman has her retirement planned, she’s building skills both at home and professionally, accomplishing the way she’s been taught to excel since childhood, while a man has discovered that his parents are not going to live forever, responsibility is not just a word in the dictionary, it has meaning, and the opposite sex does not find his lack of a personality or inability to build a future, attractive. 

Is it surprising anymore that girls, are told to lower their standards by the likes of Sima Taparia and many other meaningful aunties with miserable marriages, and just pick a guy to marry?

The keyword here is lowering standards. How can any clear thinking self-respecting woman entrust her future to someone who does not have his shit together at the BARE MINIMUM? And yet, due to the realities of desi society and the nagging biological clock, we are expected to lower the BARE MINIMUM standards.

We’ve been taught since childhood to hold high standards, while men have been taught the opposite. 

They’ve been waited on, and cultivated as princelings by families, with the expectation that a suitable girl will simply fall into their laps when the time comes. 

Is it really that necessary to lower your standards? 

Ladies, let me ask you. 

Do you deserve this clueless, aimless, personality-less skill-less complete bubble that most guys come from? When a job has stringent requirements from you for 8 hours a day, your landlord has requirements he needs you to meet even for a few months, why not for the rest of your life?

When you have been raised to meet certain standards all your life, it is not a stretch to expect your partner to have similar if not complimentary skills to yours. 

Marriage is not a zero-sum game. If you bring something to the table, your partner at the very least needs to bring something similar to offer.  1+0 = 1 1+1 has to become either 2 or 11.

So HAVE ALL THE EXPECTATIONS you can. Because you will only get what you ask and settle for. And it’s only when you have the right set of expectations that you can find someone who vibes at your level, if not exceed it.

Because marriage is a traditional institution despite all attempts to modernise it, equip it with laws, ideals and so much more. 

Expecting a guy who steps up IS NOT A BIG STRETCH. 

—--

But I know most of you desi women will give in and accept whatever comes your way and term it on par with what you deserve. So let’s do a little exercise to help you figure out what you are worth. 

WHAT YOU ARE WORTH

Do this on paper, or if possible, Word, or Google Docs, or Powerpoint. Open up a document. This is going to be LONG. 

Step 1: Find a nice picture of yourself that YOU LOVE and think you look amazing in. Say something nice about yourself.

Step 2 : list down your qualifications and professional skillsets, and everything you are doing work-wise. Starting a side gig? It goes in. Learning pottery? Goes in. Somebody complemented your writing skills at work? Goes in. Saved group projects in college from dying a miserable death? Goes in. Played a sport, led people or won medals? Goes in. For each Skill Item you have listed - make a column and name the demonstrated skill - such as project management, pottery and ceramics, athletics/sprinting, engineering, public speaking, poetry, and so on. 

Step 3: Make a list of every occasion people have thanked you for helping them in some way. Any way. Be it - overcoming bullies at school, dealing with a creep, solving problems at home, tutoring, editing a newsletter, etc etc,  Whatever you have done to help someone - list the occasion. And then, name the value or the quality it represents - like - courage, or honesty, or street smart thinking, and so on. Those are values that you hold and have demonstrated as an individual. These are your DEMONSTRATED PERSONAL VALUES

Step 4: Make a long list of LIFE skills you have. Cooking? Laundry and housekeeping? Driving? Dealing with legal and government systems? Time Management? Childcare? Conflict resolution? Research? Balancing family accounts? First aid? Ayurveda? Yoga? Every single thing. And yes, planning a puja at home or that diwali party in the family does count. That's Event Management.

Step 5 : Open up job portals in your country, and for every item you have listed in your professional skillset - find job listings and salaries attached to it for 1 year. Add that number next to each item. 

Step 6 : Do the same with your LIFE skills - for every skillset, there is a professional doing a job - so list their annual salaries next to it. 

Step 7 : Add up the sum total of the salaries from both your professional skills and life skills - That is your QUANTITATIVE PERSONAL WORTH for 1 year. Step 8 - See all the qualities you’ve listed, like leadership, time management, accounting and so on? Make a long list of these, and do a search for these skill sets on JOB portals. Find the top-paying jobs that pay for a combination of these values and skillsets. It will be in millions or lakhs. Add that to your Quantitative Personal worth. 

Step 8 : To your list of DEMONSTRATED PERSONAL VALUES, add a list of dos and don’ts. These are - Behaviours you will ACCEPT AND WELCOME (dos) and Behaviours you will absolutely deny, abhor, condemn and get angry at (Don’ts) For example - Being casual and unserious can be a DO for me, but Betrayal is a DON’T - which means, I greatly value loyalty as an individual. Make these lists and define them. 

Now, your demonstrated personal values and the DOs and DON’Ts you list out signal the type of people you are okay with welcoming into your life and the type you cannot accept. THESE are your moral standard. THESE are your benchmark for friends, family, and life partner. THESE are your personal boundaries. Write them in your diary and stand by them uncompromisingly. 

Step 9 - Back to your Quantitative Personal Worth. Multiply it with the average Desi woman’s life expectancy. It has been calculated to be between 67 - 70 years. That’s your worth as an individual at the BARE MINIMUM. That is your poverty line, and no person you welcome into your life can go below this line, or treat you beneath it.

Now, looking at this list, ask yourself, my dear lady.

Do you really think you ought to settle?