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#saying no to physics completely: check
jellyinmybelly · 2 years
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madagascar 3 second half >>>>>>
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dovedrangeas · 2 years
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someone: jkr is horrible-
me: yeah, i completely agree with you there
someone: -which is why you should stan uncle rick rick riordan instead :)
me:
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#rick riordan critical#PLEASE take your head out of your ass#rick riordan is not as bad as jkr but posing his books as the ‘more diverse’ and acting like he’s a great awesome ally to minorities#is just. incredibly naive#piper with feathers! unhealthy age gaps in relationships! the only gay character (at that point) suffering constantly and then being outed-#in front of a complete stranger! incredibly shallow and often misogynistic portrayal female characters! general insensitivity and ignorance#of other cultures! a transphobic portrayal of a genderfluid person who gets called a slur by one of the GOOD characters! shallow and ableist#portrayal of adhd! ableism in saying his characters don’t have push because they’re ‘too strong’! no physically disabled characters!#his incredibly lesbophobic response to people saying reyna reads as gay to them!#this is literally just the tip of the iceberg#rr is NOT some woke intelligent savour he’s a grown ass man who doesn’t have people of the cultures/groups he’s writing about to check if#it’s harmful or incorrect or stereotypical!!#he’s a rich cishet white man with a victim complex when people call him out on his shit.#rr stans don’t interact with me i do not want to hear it#tbh the only reason why he’s ‘better’ than jkr is because he doesn’t have her level of influence#god. shudder. i don’t want to think about that#dove talks#hi it’s 4pm and im so angry.#will admit that anyone saying percy jackson would beat harry potter in a fight is 100%#like we can agree on that one.
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gregmarriage · 7 months
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i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way
#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isn’t bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey!#everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain won’t let me#i’m trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship#idk maybe that isn’t fair#but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still#idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people#and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way#literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#don’t wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently
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succulent-pott · 5 months
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getting a flashback to a funny childhood story only to realize oh! That was just bullying.
#maybe if they cared about me they wouldn't have made me be friends with the guy who kissed me without asking!#maybe if they cared about our work they would have ACTUALLY COMPLETED IT instead of making one of my OTHER FRIENDS do it FOR THEM.#maybe if they were my friend they would have said 'sorry for your loss' and not 'i don't remember that happening!'#maybe if they were my friend they wouldnt have made me watch a show that caused me to pass out! For HOURS.#maybe if they cared they'd take the time to see that my resentment towards my dad can't be fixed by “respecting” the man who neglected me!#maybe if they cared about me they wouldnt have covered my mouth at the last sleepover I ever went to (which was at their house.)#I hate talking about them but they're just actually the worst person I've befriended so farrr#at least my exneighbour openly threatened me they were just doing shady ass behaviour#theyre in a diff province theyre in a diff province theyre in a di-#likeeeee they tried friending me again recently and like???? NO???? I dont think I want to go back to that thaaank youuu.#vent#<- I guess????? idrk. I'm vagueposting to my internet mutuals & two irls lmao#ughh theres so much they did it makes me physically SICK to listen and remember certain things#also idk what pronouns they use because when I checked their ig before blocking them it didnt say anything soooooo-#at least I have the decency to try and use the right pronouns (COUGH. COUGH.)#maybe I shouldnt be scared of people louder than me because I see them as authority figures and feel the need to be at their every word
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starkidlabs · 7 months
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Haha I should not have read my mums texts
#I knew my sister was bitching about me to my mum but I didn’t think it was that bad#like in terms of this situation my mum was completely completely on my side so it’s nothing to do with her#but I just can’t believe she said these things about me#essentially I worked for her for 4 days straight for free - it was a 14 hour shift on a bar#each day - so 56 hours in total#it was extremely hard on me mentally and physically but I did it because I wanted to help her all I could#I had a job interview essentially 2 days later where I needed to produce a social media reel#I had to make it while working on the bar because I wouldn’t have time to do it otherwise#I asked her to watch the reel a total of 2 times#and because she had canva premium she said she’d download it for me the next day (otherwise the video wouldn’t have backing music) - then#it wouldn’t download from her account - so I sent her the video and asked her to put the music over it - which would take 5 mins of her time#(it literally only took me 5 mins and she’s much more experienced at canva than I am)#she flat out refused - my mum then called her to try and explain the situation and she got really angry at her - eventually she sent me her#log in details - then I added the music myself#it was really disheartening for me because I gave up 56 hours of my time for her and she couldn’t even give up 5 mins#since then I’ve read these texts and she said she feels like she’s in an abusive relationship with me because all she does is give and all#I do is take#and the thing she cited was me asking her to check over the video (I asked her 3 times max - the video is 50 seconds - and also saying no#when she asked me to prep some cocktails for the next day at the bar - it was 12am - I’d been working since 10am and I was so exhausted that#I was shaking when I came home - I sat and cried in the toilets because I was so exhausted)#I literally give up so much of myself for her - even when she’s mean to me for no reason - I would never say she was abusive to me#and yet I’m abusive for asking for her help on a task that would take her no more than 5 minutes#I don’t know if I can ever speak to he in the same way again#I mean for god sakes I spent an entire week beforehand helping her prep for the festival because she was so stressed#I asked her to help me once and she saw me as abusive#I don’t even know if I can ever help her again because what’s the point of giving and giving if my giving is never good enough for her#I don’t know the things she said really mirrored the things my ex friends once said about me and it hurts coming from her because I thought#she wouldn’t ever view me that way#and I can’t even talk to anyone about this because ya know I should not have read my mums texts
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ocdhuacheng · 10 months
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You know maybe I should talk politics with my dad more. It might send my blood pressure through the roof but I think there’s a spark of potential in his republican ass to be radicalized even a little bit
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sweetnans · 5 months
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Katsuki is a light sleeper. Don't get me wrong, he has the reflex of a hero. You can't blame him for that. But in the days that he comes home very tired, almost unable to get in the shower and put his pj on (change his boxers), he is described as a bear on wintering season. If you try to wake him up you'll probably fail.
In the other hand, you sleep soundly, the only problem that you got is that you need physical contact to not wake up during the night. That's an easy task with Katsuki, always having his hands on you.
But what happen when he is sleeping like a rock with his hands on himself? Thats when the problems begin. Well, for you.
"Kats" you whisper close his face. "Baby" you try again. Nothing, not even a grunt.
You touch his hair, then his face, then his arms, trying to wake him up so he can cuddle you again. Useless.
You check the clock in your bedside table. 3:02 am. Cursing under your breath you realize that you need to do something.
You know better than to try to wake him up. It was one thing or the other, he would wake up in an instant or not wake up at all. You were in the second situation.
Sitting in bed, you take his hand and his heavy arm with both of yours and lay it on your side of the bed, trying to place it in the spot that your neck would occupy. You relocate yourself in the position, giving him your back, and grab the other arm so he would hug you completely.
He grunts lowly, relocating his body next to yours, spooning you finally.
"You can't keep still, can you?" He murmurs, placing a kiss on your shoulder and hiding his face into your neck.
To say that it took you 2 minutes to fall asleep would be an exaggeration.
Do not edit or reupload my works elsewhere! All rights reserved.
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mostardently · 1 year
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trans-axolotl · 2 months
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what do you mean reverse an overdose? How is that possible?
Hi anon.
So, in my most recent post where I was talking about reversing overdoses, I was talking about Narcan (naloxone).
Narcan is a medicine that can reverse opioid overdoses. It works on any opioids, including fentanyl, heroin, oxy, vicodin, etc. It isn't effective in reversing other kinds of drug overdoses, but would still work to reduce an overdose if your coke has fent in it, for example. It functions by blocking the opioid receptors in your brain and helps restore breathing. Narcan is not a dangerous medication, and it is not harmful to your brain, which means you can be dosed multiple times without increasing harm to your body. The experience of being Narcaned can be pretty fucking shitty, because it basically puts your body in withdrawal super super fast, and you might experience some of the effects of withdrawal like vomiting, body aches and chills, fatigue, etc. But there are not other harmful side effects outside of that. Narcan is safe to give to people of all ages, including children.
Narcan comes in both an nasal spray and intramuscular injections, but it's usually easier to get access to nasal spray. This is what Narcan looks like:
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[ID: Someone holding a narcan nasal spray, which has a nozzle that can be placed into someone's nose, and a plunger underneath the nozzle that can be pushed up to administer a dose. Text on the image says: Do not test nasal spray device before use. Each device contains 1 dose of medicine. Each device sprays one time only.]
How to Use Narcan
Identify signs of Overdose
Check for Responsiveness
Administer Narcan
Support (other friends/911/medics)
To administer Narcan, you first need to identify if someone is overdosing. Signs of an opioid overdose can be when someone is unconscious, unresponsive, not breathing or slowly breathing, no pulse or erratic pulse, has pinpoint pupils, and/or has blue lips.
If you see some of these things and think that someone is overdosing, the next step is to check for responsiveness. You can do this by loudly calling the person's name, saying that you are going to Narcan them, gently shaking them, and by performing a sternum rub, which is where you rub your knuckles into the place in someone's chest where their ribs meet. If they're breathing and they respond, even if it's just making noises in response to you or physically pushing your hands away, that can be a sign that you don't need to administer Narcan right away. Still, in that case, it's a really good idea to stay with that person in case that changes. If, and only if, the person is completely unresponsive, you should administer Narcan.
Once you've determined that someone is unresponsive and overdosing, the next step is actually administering Narcan. Narcan comes in packs of two nasal sprays. Take the first nasal spray out of the box, put the nozzle in the person's nose, and press the plunger. If the person is still not responsive after 2-3 minutes, take the other nasal spray out of the box and give them another dose. I try to use the lowest number of doses possible to try to reduce the withdrawal experience, and I stop giving Narcan once someone is breathing and responsive. If they still are not responsive or breathing, and you know how to give rescue breaths, you can start administering rescue breaths. If you have to step away for any reason, turn the person on their side in the recovery position first.
After someone's overdose is reversed, it's really important that whenever possible, someone stays with them for at least an hour afterwards. Narcan is active in the body for about 30-90 minutes, so depending on what someone's original amount of opioids was, they might start overdosing again and need you to give them Narcan again. This is also why it can be important to try not to use again right away, which is really fucking shitty when you're trying to use cause you don't want to be sick, but unfortunately using right away can also put you at risk of overdosing again. When people come back after getting Narcaned, it can be a pretty disorienting and uncomfortable experience. You might not know who Narcaned you or why they're in your space, might be feeling really fucking shitty because of withdrawal, and might want to be left alone. If you've just Narcaned someone, introduce yourself and explain that you just gave them Narcan, listen to what they tell you, empathize with their feelings, respect people's boundaries, and give them space if they ask for it. Understand that they're probably feeling pretty fucking shitty in their body, that it fucking sucks when your high gets ruined, and they (justifiably) might not feel happy about the fact that you Narcaned them.
Pretty much all Narcan trainings will tell you that it's "recommended" to always call 911, but we all know that this is not always actually possible in a lot of situations and that cops always fucking make the situation worse. My policy is that I always, always ask for consent before calling 911 and if someone says no, then we brainstorm other ways of keeping safe and we don't fucking call the cops. If there's a situation where I do need to call 911, I never tell the operator that someone overdosed, because that usually gets them to send out the cops alongside ambulance, which can cause delays to care, put a lot of people at risk, and also put people, including bystanders, in legal danger. If I have to call 911, I say that my friend has collapsed/fainted/isn't breathing and keep it more vague, and when paramedics actually arrive on the scene, that's when I tell them more information about the overdose, what drugs someone took, and how many times I've administered Narcan.
You can get free Narcan a lot of places. Next Distro has resources for getting free Narcan by mail for almost every state. If there's harm reduction orgs in your area, they will have free Narcan. There's also a lot of Department of Health programs for free Narcan. Most pharmacies now also have Narcan available over the counter, but that's usually really fucking expensive and often pretty hard to shoplift cause they keep locking it up.
Even if you don't use drugs and you think that your loved ones don't use drugs, it's super important to have Narcan as a part of your first aid kit and learn how to use it. You never know when you're going to need to use it, and it's super good to be prepared ahead of time, in case your friend/family/neighbor/classmate/coworker ends up overdosing while you're there. Or in case you end up overdosing and having Narcan on you means that bystanders can help support you through it.
Here's a guide that goes a little more in depth into how to use Narcan.
Please feel free to ask if you have any other questions about Narcan or other harm reduction topics!
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loonylupinblack3 · 5 months
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Period Trouble
Pairing: Logan Howlett x Reader
Warnings: swearing, nothing else i think?
Summary: you wake up with your period and are forced to go on a mission with Logan of all people
Word count: 2.4k
A/N: literally obsessed with this man rn so ofc i had to write about him. also wolverine has enhanced senses including smell but its like…. barely shown in the movies so i had to search it up to be sure, and some part of me still doubts it but for the purposes of this fic he does have it
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You woke up with a groan, immediately curling into a ball. You were early. You were early and you hadn’t emotionally or physically prepared for having your period today, yet the world seemed ready to punish you, burdening you with an early cycle.
You checked the time, cursing every god and deity you knew when you realised you were supposed to have woken up half an hour ago. Wincing, you got up, your body screaming at the movement. Already your stomach was aching, the ghosts of cramps to come caressing your body. 
There was knocking at your door, quiet yet firm. You already knew it was Storm on the other side of the door, no doubt in search of a reason why you failed to get up on time. It was going to be a long day.
You yelled out to Storm, promising to be out in five minutes, and got up, groggily looking for your clothes. When you’d tamed your hair and brushed your teeth, you exited your room to find Storm waiting on the other side, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed.
She took one look at you and sighed. “What are you wearing?”
You looked down perplexed. “....my clothes?”
She raised her eyebrow. “You’re on a mission today, remember?”
Fuck. You nearly let out a whine. You were not in the mood to go skulking around doing Xavier’s bidding when you had a constant throbbing pain assaulting your stomach, unreasonable mood swings, and exhaustion weighing you down.
Storm sent you a questioning look. “You up for this?”
The mission was nothing big. Professor X needed you to collect some sort of rare herb that had recently been shipped into the nearest city, something he needed to complete a super secret experiment you weren’t privy to. He’d just asked for help and you’d volunteered.
Oh how you regretted that decision now.
“Yeah I’m fine,” you muttered. “Let me just get changed real quick.”
Getting into your previously decided upon outfit, a plain inconspicuous one intended to blend in, you left your room again, this time with no complaint from Storm. Your stomach gave an uncomfortable clench and you sighed, making a mental note to find some nurofen before leaving for the mission.
“Why aren’t you in your outfit?” you asked, just realising Storm wasn’t wearing what you two had agreed upon yesterday.
She winced slightly. “Can’t go. Filling in for some classes.”
Your face soured but you tried not to hold it against her. Storm loved her students, and given the choice of helping them or Xavier with a low level mission, she’d obviously choose her kids. You couldn’t blame her exactly, but it meant you’d have to go on this mission alone, while not impossible by any means it would make it slightly more difficult.
You sighed. “That’s okay. I can go alone.”
When Storm winced even more your eyes narrowed in suspicion, following her with caution. “Storm…..”
She sighed guiltily. “Xavier didn’t want you to go alone. The herb’s too valuable.”
You tilted your head slightly as you entered the house’s foyer. “So who am I going with then?”
Storm’s eyes darted ahead, and you followed her gaze to find Logan Howlett leaning against the wall, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He smirked at you, “you’re looking at him sweetheart.”
You resisted the urge to groan, instead sending Storm a dirty look. You didn’t necessarily dislike Logan, but he was a lot to deal with, and you were already tired from your day that had barely begun.
You couldn’t say all that with Logan standing there however, so you muttered a, “lovely,” and walked past the man to the garage.
He followed you silently, no quip or smart ass comment which was strange for him. You’d just entered the garage, heading towards one of the cars, when you glanced back at him and found Logan stopped in the doorway, staring at you with a frown on his face. Or rather, a deeper frown than usual.
“What is it?” you asked him, standing at the hood of the car.
Logan’s eyes roved your body, searching for something. “You’re injured.”
It was your turn to frown. “What? No I’m not.”
He took a step forward, almost as if he was planning on looking for your alleged injury himself. “Don’t bullshit me Y/n, I can smell your blood.”
You made a face. “What are you talking about…..” you trailed off when you realised it, perhaps the most mortifying moment in your life.
Logan could smell your period blood. He thought you were bleeding from an injury. 
You cleared your throat, feeling your cheeks heat up. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”
He scoffed, walking towards you until you were face to face. You tried to step back and felt the hood of the car against your legs. “I can smell the fucking blood seeping out of you Y/n. I wouldn’t call that fine.”
You gritted your teeth to stop yourself from snapping at him. “I can assure you, I am not injured.”
You moved to walk past him but he caught your wrist, forcing you back into your position pressed against the car. “If you think I am going on this mission with you while you’re wounded, you’re out of your mind.”
“I’m not-”
“Do you think I’m an idiot darl? Is that why you’re denying being hurt while I can literally smell it on you-”
You cut him off. “I’m on my period, Logan.”
He paused, staring at you with an indecipherable expression on his face. You waited for him to speak, feeling embarrassed and furious about it. Why should you be embarrassed of your period? He was the one who was pushing you, prodding you, forcing you to tell him the source of the bleeding. If your answer made him uncomfortable, that wasn’t your fault nor your concern.
Eventually he spoke. “Alright then. Get in the car. I’m driving.”
You scowled at him. “Says who?”
He didn’t even bother looking at you, already in the driver’s seat. “Says me.”
You sighed but didn’t argue further, silently getting into the passenger seat. Logan started the car, reversing it out of the garage and driving down the long winding driveway till you got to the street.
“It’s an hour's drive to the city, give or take,” you told Logan, setting the GPS up on the car.
Logan barely glanced at it, eyes on the road, a firm grip on the steering wheel. He didn’t even respond to you. You sighed and turned away, looking out the window as the scenery passed you in flashes.
As the drive continued, you noticed Logan sending you glances every now and then. If you really focused on them, you’d almost say they seemed worried, concerned even, but they were always too quick for you to tell for certain. You were too preoccupied with your cramps that had started up anyway, and the lack of nurofen you’d forgotten to grab.
Finally, you arrived at the city, driving into the hustle and bustle of the crowded area. Logan’s hand tightened on the steering wheel, obviously not a fan of the traffic the city provided. You watched the stream of people through the window as Logan looked for a space to park, muttering under his breath.
You were mildly entertained at the amount of road rage he had, cursing every car that wasn’t at least 10 metres over the speed limit. His jaw was clenched, hand fisting the steering wheel, yet he still looked at you here and there, like you were actually wounded.
When he eventually found a parking spot the two of you got out of the car and you looked at the address Xavier gave you.
“Should be somewhere along this street,” you murmured, eyes flicking from the piece of paper to the busy street.
Logan moved behind you, so close you could feel your back against his chest, and looked at the paper in your hand. He let out a grunt and moved past you, walking forwards. You frowned and hurried your pace, not wanting to lose him amidst the crowd of people.
Luck was certainly not your side, because soon enough you’d lost him, unable to see his black leather jacket in the throng of people. You hesitated, wondering if you should look for him or just go straight to the address, when you felt an arm around your waist.
“Stay close to me,” Logan murmured into your war, his voice gravelly. “Don’t wanna lose you again.”
You glanced at him as he continued walking, not moving his arm from your waist. “How’d you find me?”
He gave you a smirk. “Followed the smell of blood.”
Again you felt your cheeks heat but you glared at him defiantly, refusing to be embarrassed. He smirked at you, flashing his teeth, as you arrived in front of the address, a plain building home to some sort of florist. 
Logan finally took his hand from your waist, walking to the door with you trailing behind him. A bell gave a little jingle as you entered, and you were immediately assaulted with the smell of flowers. Different sorts of plants took up every corner of the room and Logan’s face soured as he looked around, obviously not pleased with the environment.
An old woman sat behind a desk, watering a plant with a mini watering can. You walked up to her, Logan hot on your heels. When you stopped in front of the desk Logan was so close behind you you could actually feel his chest against your back.
“Mrs May?” you asked.
The old woman looked at you with a smile, her eyes crinkling. “That’s me. What can I help you two lovebirds with? Bouquet of roses? Lilies?”
You opened your mouth, surprised, and tried to find something to say. Being mistaken for a couple shouldn’t have affected you so much, especially while on a mission, but you were flustered and could still feel Logan’s chest right against your back, his warmth almost dizzying.
“We’re not here for flowers unfortunately,” Logan spoke, saving you. Except why didn’t he specify you weren’t a couple? Did that not matter to him, what some old lady thought, or did he enjoy the idea of being thought of as your boyfriend?
Oh god. What were you thinking? Stupid period hormones. 
The old lady looked at you two curiously. “Then how can I help you?”
There was a pointed silence and you realised Logan was waiting for you to speak. You cleared your throat and spoke the random sequence of words Xavier had you memorise, that would inform Mrs May just what type of buyers you were.
The woman’s eyes lit up with recognition and she nodded her head slowly. “Ah, yes, let me just go to the storage room quickly, I’ll be back….”
Mrs May tottered around the desk and through a side door, half hidden behind the multitude of plants covering the area, leaving you alone with Logan.
You took a step away from him and turned around to look at him, finding him staring at you with a frown on his face.
You frowned back at him. “What’s up with you today?”
He raised his eyebrows at you. “What is up with me? I don’t know if you’ve noticed Darl but you haven’t exactly been up to par yourself.”
You rolled your eyes at his words. “That’s not what I meant, and besides, I’m on my period.”
Logan stared at you, arms crossed. “What did ya mean then?”
“You’ve been acting strange. Less talkative and annoying like usual.”
Logan snorted. “Ever the lady.”
“I’m serious. What’s up with you?”
Logan sighed and took a step forward until he was towering over you and you had to crane your head up to look at him. “You are what’s up. I can constantly smell you bleeding, and I can’t get it out of my mind that it means you’re hurt. You’re driving me crazy sweetheart.”
Well…. That certainly wasn’t what you were expecting. Logan smirked down at you as if he knew that, and enjoyed surprising you. You cleared your throat as your eyes darted to the floor. “Well, that’s hardly my fault.”
Logan chuckled. “Not your fault no, but it is your doing whether you mean to or not.”
You swallowed, looking back up at him. “Well…. Don’t you constantly smell when people are on their periods?”
“It’s different with you. Smelling your blood just drives me crazy, plain and simple. Can’t get the instinct out of my head that blood means injury.”
The way Logan was admitting all of this, with such calm, made you think he’d been wanting to say this for a while. The unspoken confession was there, and it was up to you to decide what to do with it.
“I’m glad you care,” was what you landed on, unsure of what else to say.
Logan chuckled again, one hand snaking to your waist. “I do a lot more than care, Y/n.”
You smiled softly, looking up at him. With his other hand he brushed your cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. The sound of a door closing brought you out of your little bubble and you took a step back, Logan reluctantly letting go of your waist.
Mrs May, either not having seen you two or graciously deciding to ignore it, passed you a package, informing you the herb and all information involving it was inside, and to handle it with care. You nodded and thanked the old woman before exiting the building, Logan again right on your heels.
As soon as the shop’s door closed behind you Logan’s hand was back around your waist. “Not losing you this time.”
You tried not to smile, though internally you were grinning like a maniac, and let Logan lead the two of you back to the car. You didn’t even get to argue your case of driving this time, Logan already in the driver’s seat. You sighed and got into the passenger seat, resigning yourself to another hour of silence as Logan started driving, when you felt his hand on your thigh.
You looked at him but he didn’t say anything, just gave it a light squeeze as he kept his eyes on the road. You looked away, grinning. So maybe the world didn’t have it out for you after all.
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flowersforbucky · 2 months
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moth to a flame
bucky barnes x reader / winter soldier x reader
"I know you. even when I know nothing else, even when I don't know myself, I know you."
summary: bucky is triggered into the winter soldier during a mission and then goes MIA, until he seeks you out in the middle of the night.
warnings/tags: SMUT, canon divergence (bucky hasn't been successfully deprogrammed in this), kind of dub-con, language, some violence, reader is afab, no use of y/n, 18+ only, friends with benefits situation, angst with a happy ending
word count: 4.9k
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“You've reached Bucky. I can't answer the phone right now but leave me a mess–”
You hang up before the voicemail recording finishes. You already knew he wasn't going to answer, just as he hasn't answered any of the other thirty-something times you've dialed his number over the course of the last few days. Or read any of the two dozen text messages.
The messages had stopped delivering and the calls had started going straight to voicemail almost two days ago at this point. And yet you still got your hopes up every time you checked your phone, only to be met with gut-wrenching, nauseating disappointment.
It had now been three days of this - not to mention picking your cuticles until they bleed, flipping back and forth between every news station on your TV in hopes (and fear) of seeing his name, a few collective hours of sleep each night, and too much Red Bull.
Just when you were thinking about trying to kick your caffeine addiction, too.
Three days of feeling completely and utterly helpless.
You place the phone back down on your coffee table, staring down at the thick, white cast encasing your left leg from your foot to just under your knee.
Useless.
You knew you were doing what you physically could - the spread of laptops and tablets on the table in front of you continuously supplying data from facial recognition programs across the United States.
Realistically, you knew he could be on the other side of the world by now, but that didn't stop you from checking. It was the only thing that you felt you had any control over right now.
But it wasn't enough. Not when Steve, Sam, Natasha, Sharon, and every other currently able-bodied team member are out scouring every safehouse and known former HYDRA base in the tri-state area while you're holed up in your apartment with a fractured fibula and a brain that won't let you stop reliving the moments before he went missing.
“This is as straightforward as it gets,” Steve re-assures you both for what felt like the dozenth time that day. “You'll be in and out in no time.”
“So straight-forward that you're going to hang back here while we do all the dirty work?” You joke as you make the final adjustments to your parachute.
“We've been monitoring this base for months,” he reminds you. “This place is as abandoned as they come. Get in, get the intel from the database, and get back to the jet.”
“And then blow the place to smithereens,” Bucky adds with a devious grin.
“And then blow the place to smithereens,” Steve agrees.
If only things had been as simple as he had expected.
You had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach from the moment that you and Bucky landed on the ground outside of the HYDRA base. You told yourself that you were being irrational - but you couldn't shake the looming feeling that something was going to go wrong.
“See?” Bucky says after removing the USB drive from the computer. He sticks the device in the breast pocket of his tactical vest before edging you towards the desk. “Easy-peasy. You've been worried for nothing.”
“I have not been worried,” you deny, leaning against the edge of the desk. “This place is just old, and smelly, and creepy.”
Bucky takes a step closer to you so that there's no space left between you. He places his hands on the desk on either side of you, enclosing you.
“You think that I can't tell when you're nervous?” He says quietly, studying your face. You can smell a lingering hint of cool mint from his mouthwash. “That I haven't spent enough time learning your body to read you like an open book?”
Your thighs clench together and your nipples pebble at his words. You're almost embarrassed at how easily his voice, his scent, his closeness elicits a physical response from your body. Almost.
“What I think,” you murmur against his mouth. His hands come to grip your hips as he nudges your thighs open, standing between your legs. “Is you're crazy if you're thinking about trying to fuck me in an abandoned HYDRA warehouse.”
He exhales a dramatic sigh. “You can't blame me for trying.”
“I am relieved to know that you'd even want to do that here,” you say, hopping down from where you're perched on the desk. “I really think that shows you've processed your trauma–”
You're cut off by the room going completely dark. Every light, every computer, turns to black.
Bucky's flesh hand instinctively reaches to grab your wrist in the dark, tugging you to him.
“What the fuck,” he groans under his breath.
“We need to get out of–” you start to state the obvious but close your mouth when the computer that you and Bucky had retrieved the data from turns back on.
And then a computer to the right - and then across the room - and another to the right - and one to left - until every computer is on and showing the exact same screen. Bucky's hand grips yours so tightly that it borders on being painful.
Displayed on dozens of screens throughout the room is the face of a man. A man who you've never met, but recognize immediately.
“Zola,” Bucky whispers almost inaudibly.
“Sergeant Barnes,” Zola addresses him with a perverted smile. “Welcome home,” his voice pours from every computer speaker throughout the room and echoes off the walls.
“Steve?” You whisper urgently, clicking on the communication device hidden in your ear. “Steve, we've got a prob–”
“There's no use in that,” Zola interrupts you. “It's too late. They're almost here.”
The following sixty seconds were a jumbled blur that you were still trying to piece together in your mind.
You remember hearing the stream of words spoken in Russian.
Longing. Rusted. Seventeen.
You remember Bucky screaming at you to run, the sound of Steve's voice in your ear telling you that back-up was on the way and asking a dozen questions that you were too overwhelmed to respond to.
Daybreak. Furnace. Nine.
You remember begging Steve to hurry. You remember pleading with Bucky to come with you to try to get away; pleading with him to just look at you, just stay with you, help is coming -
Benign. Homecoming. One.
You remember the moment that Bucky went completely still as the room was infiltrated by HYDRA agents.
Freight car.
You knew that Bucky wasn't there anymore. You could sense it in his stance, in the way he wouldn't meet your eyes, in his silence.
Before you could say anything else to him, close to a dozen HYDRA agents came barreling towards you both. He charged through them, taking down one after the next with ease, until there were just a few left standing.
It was a side of Bucky you'd never seen. You thought that you had witnessed his strength, his agility, his determination, his ruthlessness working beside him in this field - but you then saw just how much he had been holding back.
He fled past the remaining few, out the door and down the hallway of the warehouse. The agents turned to follow him, forgetting about you - until you threw a knife directly into one's neck from behind.
Another agent shot at you, the blow hitting your bulletproof vest and sending you flying backwards onto hard cement.
Before you could catch your breath, there was a sharp cracking noise and a blinding pain radiating from your lower leg - but it was short lived.
The last thing you recall is the man's boot swinging towards your face.
You woke up some number of hours later, in a hospital bed with your temple throbbing and leg elevated in a cast.
“Hey,” a soft voice calls from your right. Natasha stands up from the singular chair in the room, both concern and relief evident across her features. “You're okay,” she begins to assure you. “You have a concussion and a fractured–”
“Where's Bucky?” You interrupt her, your voice scratchy. You clear your throat. “Is he okay? Did Steve find him? Did HYDRA get–”
“HYDRA didn't get him. Steve took care of the last of the agents after him,” she stops you from rambling. There's an immediate sense of relief wash over you.
“But we haven't found him yet,” she adds carefully. “Everyone is out searching for him now. You know we won't stop until–”
A gentle knock on your apartment door snaps you back to reality.
You freeze, your heart jumping to your throat. You stand as quickly as you can manage, grabbing your crutches propped up next to you on the couch.
“It's just me,” a feminine voice calls from the other side of the door. Your heart goes from your throat to your stomach. Not him.
“I'm sorry, I should have text you first,” Natasha continues. “But I brought you food. Street tacos from–”
You turn the deadbolt and unhook the chain lock before swinging the door open.
“You look–”
“Like hammered shit?” You finish for her, nodding your head towards the inside of the apartment as indication for her to come in.
“I was going to say exhausted,” she says, walking past you with a large paper sack of take-out food. Your stomach growls at the aroma - when was the last time you ate something more than a bowl of cereal or granola bar?
“Your favorite,” she tells you, placing the bag on the kitchen counter. “Extra salsa verde and lime wedges. Have you gotten any sleep recently?” Her eyes skim across the empty energy drink cans littered around the kitchen.
You maneuver yourself onto one of the barstools at the kitchen's small island, leaning your crutches on the edge of the counter.
“Yes,” you mumble. “For forty-five minutes from 2:30 to 3:15 today.”
She lets out a long groan, rolling her eyes at you.
“You're supposed to be healing from a concussion,” she reminds you, taking a seat for herself. “Which generally doesn't include sleep deprivation and excessive use of computer screens.” She stares in the direction of the array of laptops that overcrowd the limited space of your coffee table.
“Did you find anything in Connecticut? What about Sam, is he back from New Jersey?” You ask, ignoring her concerns as you unbox your food.
“Connecticut was a dead-end,” she sighs. “We're still waiting to hear back from Sam. There's a safehouse up in Vermont that Steve wants to head to tomorrow–”
“You don't think there's a chance of him letting me tag along for that, do you?” You tap the edge of your cast against the base of the island with your foot.
Her eyes soften as she looks at you. You already knew the answer.
“I know this is really hard for you,” she says delicately. “I may not know exactly what has been going on between you and Barnes these last few months, but it's obvious you care a lot for him. We all do. We are going to find him and bring him home,” she assures you.
You nod at her in agreement, not quite trusting your voice enough to speak.
Your eyes sting as you attempt to blink away the tears that threaten to spill over. You had yet to allow yourself to spend any time crying these last few days and you didn't wish to start now.
Her words remind you that no one knows exactly why you are taking Bucky's disappearance so harshly. You assume that your friends have their suspicions about your and Bucky's arrangement but the two of you had agreed to keep it between yourselves.
They didn't know it had started off being a weekly occurrence - late Sunday evenings, your apartment. Or how it had quickly escalated from once a week to twice, and then from two times a week to three - and instead of just your apartment, it would happen anywhere the two of you had a private (and sometimes public) moment - up against the wall of the communal showers at the compound's gym, in the back of the Quinjet after missions while everyone else would be sleeping on the flight back home, even during team meetings with his hand creeping between your thighs while you try to stay quiet enough to not draw any attention to yourselves.
They didn't know you were supposed to be friends with benefits but that at some point during the days and nights spent underneath one another, the line between friends and something more became blurry for you.
You had just been too chickenshit to tell him.
Natasha sits across from you as you inhale the Mexican food that she brought you. She doesn't say anything else, just keeps you company in a comfortable silence as you eat your first legitimate meal in days.
“Thank you,” you tell her as you're finishing your food. “I appreciate you. I've been going a little crazy here by myself,” you add meekly.
“Of course.” She stands back up. “I would stay longer, but I've got to prepare for Vermont. We're leaving early in the morning.”
“Be safe. All of you,” you remind her. “Let me know if you guys find anything. Just tell me if there's anything at all I can do. And please let me know when you hear from Sam–”
“You'll be the first to know when there's anything to know,” she assures you gently.
“Thanks, Nat.”
“You just try to get some rest, okay?” She requests as she walks toward the door. “Maybe drink some water, possibly consider taking a nice, long shower…”
“Goodbye, Natasha.”
She's chuckling as she closes the door behind her.
You lower your nose to your armpit as soon as the door clicks shut, inhaling.
Maybe she makes a valid point about showering.
Half an hour later, there's a heavy rain beating against the windows of your apartment when you finish bathing. You secure a towel around your chest before yanking off the garbage bag that you had wrapped around your cast well enough for you to rinse off.
Belly full and body clean, you felt somewhat better; at least physically.
You listen to the rain pound down as you sit on the edge of the bathtub, massaging lotion into your skin, and wonder where Bucky is right now - if he's safe, if it's raining wherever he's at, if he's somewhere dry -
You come to a sudden halt in the middle of brushing your teeth. It's hard to tell over the deafening roar of the rain and your bathroom fan, but you could have sworn you heard the creaking of a door or window from your living room.
I double checked the door locks after Nat left, you rationalize to yourself. This apartment is on the fourth floor, no one is going to climb the fire escapes to–
There's an unmistakable shadow visible through the crack at the bottom of the bathroom door. It's gone as quickly as it appears.
Shit. You start to panic as you realize you left your cell phone in the kitchen. As quietly as you can, you look around the small room for something to defend yourself with. A hair dryer, dental floss, a few week’s worth of dirty laundry..
You hear the creaking of floorboards as footsteps seem to creep closer and closer to the bathroom door.
Crutches. You have two crutches. You can clobber them with your crutches.
“I can hear you,” you call to whoever is just beyond the door. “I know you’re out there.”
Silence. No hint of any further movement.
You place one crutch under your left armpit for support, keeping the other one ready to wield as a weapon. “You have ten seconds to get out of my apartment,” you say a bit louder, willing your voice not to waver. “I have a weapon.”
Yeah, a weapon. If you can call it that.
Ten seconds come and go, followed by another ten seconds.
You weren’t going to let someone play this game with you in your own home.
Taking one last deep breath and tightening your grip on the defense crutch, you sling the bathroom door open quickly.
“Oh my god,” you exclaim, immediately relaxing your weight against the crutches, releasing the death grip that you had on your uninjured side.
It’s dark in your bedroom save for a few pale orange string lights hung around your bed frame and the light that spills in from the bathroom, but you would recognize his broad frame anywhere.
“Thank fuck you’re okay,” you exhale, swinging yourself over to where he stands at the foot of your bed. When you’re a little over a foot away from him, you realize he’s sopping wet - his hair dripping water droplets and his skin dewy. His clothing, the same clothing that you last saw him in three days ago, clings to his body like a second skin.
He remains still as a statue, and as silent as one.
“Are you okay?” You ask him apprehensively. You give him a once over, from head to toe. You don't see any noticeable injuries, but he is trembling.
“Bucky?” You ask in a small voice.
His lips are set in a hard line. He doesn't answer, just stares at you. Stares at you like he’s trying to figure out why he’s here.
Stares at you like he’s trying to decide if he knows you or not.
The immense relief that you had felt at knowing he's alive is washed away by a sinking feeling.
His eyes trail from your face and slowly down your towel-clad body. He pauses when he gets to your foot, glancing back and forth from your cast to the crutches on either side. His brows furrow together - almost like he's in pain.
“I'm okay,” you assure him in a shaky voice. “It's just a fracture,” you explain. “I'll be healed in no time.”
You notice that his features relax a bit at your words - just enough to give you hope that Bucky, your Bucky, is in there and he's listening to you.
Do whatever you have to do to keep him here. Don't let him out of your sight. Help him remember who he is, your inner monologue screams at you. Just don't let him run away again.
“Are you cold?” You ask him. You're not necessarily expecting him to answer, you're just trying to put him at ease. “How about we get you some dry clothes?” You add, nodding towards his drenched henley.
You retreat into the bathroom, grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that he'd left over the last time he had stayed the night - the night before he went missing. They were at the top of the laundry basket - maybe not the cleanest, but better that the wet, dirty clothing he's in currently.
You limp your way back over to where he stands at your bed, leaning against the mattress for support. You set your crutches down and hand him the shirt and pants, which he hesitantly accepts. He makes no move to remove the wet clothes from his body, instead gently places the dry clothes onto the mattress beside him.
“Would you like some help?” you offer cautiously, terrified of doing anything that could cause him to run. You slowly reach towards the clothing that he had just placed on the bed, but he stops you before you can pick the t-shirt back up - grasping your wrist in his vibranium hand.
You can’t stop the small gasp that escapes past your lips. His hold on you is firm, but not painful. You could rip your hand from him if you wanted to - but you don’t.
Instead, you let him hold your hand as he begins to rub his metal thumb in a circular motion next to yours. You’re frozen; watching him carefully as he examines the movements his metal digit makes on your skin.
The goosebumps that appear in the wake of his touch don’t go unnoticed by him. His eyes trail from where his hand holds yours and up the expanse of your arm, until they land on your exposed neck. The towel covering your midsection has started to come loose, hanging low enough to reveal the top of your breasts.
He drops your hand, taking a step closer to you. You have to remind yourself to breathe - your Bucky is in there. Your Bucky, who is gentle, and soft, and would never do anything to cause you harm.
You have to trust that.
He brings his vibranium fingers up to the edge of the towel, trailing them across the mounds of your breasts. Your nipples harden right away, visible through the thin material of the towel.
You would let this play out however he wants it to. However he needs it to.
When his index finger stops where the towel is tucked into itself at your side, you forget how to breathe. He pauses for a split-second before unhooking the cloth and letting it fall to your feet.
He drinks in the sight of you bare before him, his jaw clenched and pupils dilated.
Dozens of times he has seen you like this, and never have you felt so completely vulnerable under his gaze.
And still there's a slickness gathering at the apex of your thighs.
He brings his flesh hand to your waist, putting the faintest bit of pressure against your skin. You close your eyes at the sensation - he's barely fucking touching you and you could melt into him.
Your name falls off of his lips - it's barely even a whisper, nearly inaudible but unmistakable. Your name. He remembers your name.
“Bucky,” your voice cracks when you whisper his own name back to him. His eyes snap up to yours, a mix of realization and hesitation brewing in them.
You bring both of your hands to the tail of his wet shirt, giving him time to pull away before you start to tug the shirt upwards. He doesn't stop you - in fact, he raises his own arms to help you tug the soaked fabric off of him. You toss the shirt in the general direction of your bathroom.
You didn't think there would ever come a time that the sight of him getting naked for you wouldn't make you want to drool.
You unsnap the button of his tactical pants, keeping your eyes on his face the whole time, hyper-analyzing his expression for any sign of reluctance.
You dip your fingers past the waistband of his boxers, his eyes fluttering closed as your hand travels lower.
He's already fully hard as you hold him, stroking him as best you can from inside the confines of his underwear and pants. You pump him in your hand and his head rolls back so that he's looking up at your ceiling.
Fuck, it takes all the restraint you possess to resist leaning forward and sucking on his neck.
Another time, you tell yourself, anxious about overwhelming him.
He curses under his breath - something in Russian that you don't recognize but the expression on his face indicates it to be a praise. There's a shift in his initially reserved, unsure demeanor when you begin to pump him faster.
His head snaps back down, his eyes raking up and down your body once more before he brings his hands to your lower back, maneuvering you against the bed.
You scoot until your back comes in contact with the cool satin of your pillows, relaxing into the bedding. At last Bucky begins to shed the layers of wet clothing covering his lower half, not taking his eyes off of your body as he removes his boots, followed by his pants and boxers.
He kneels on the mattress, crawling above where you lay. You want nothing more than to grab him by the shoulders and pull his mouth to yours, but you are going to let him call the shots.
He nudges your thighs apart with his knee, nestling himself between your legs. He grasps your breast in his vibranium hand, giving it a firm squeeze before rolling your nipple between his icy fingers.
He lowers himself so that he's belly down on your mattress, his face inches away from your pussy. He removes his hand from your breast and you let out a small whimper of disappointment at the abrupt lack of sensation. He uses that same hand to hike your uninjured leg over his shoulder, securing his head between the soft interior of your thighs.
He kisses you, starting at your belly button and working his way to your center. His lips feel like fire against your skin. You keep your hips planted firmly on the bed, fighting the urge to thrust your pussy up to his face.
“Please,” you whine. “Bucky, please.” You swear you can see the faintest trace of a smirk that looks so undeniably Bucky.
You clench your thighs around his face and he lets out a low, guttural groan as his mouth makes contact with you.
Normally, Bucky closes his eyes while he's going down on you - gets completely lost in it. Right now, his eyes are wide open - making sure he doesn't miss the way your mouth gapes when he rolls his tongue around your clit and the way your chest heaves when he nudges his tongue inside you.
You don't know which you find hotter.
You can already feel the tightening of a coil in your lower belly, making it impossible to resist rolling your hips to meet the torturous pace he's set with his tongue. You grind against his face, the thin layer of stubble that's grown across his jaw since you last saw him scratching against the sensitive flesh around your cunt.
You're approaching your climax when he pulls away, making you mewl at the loss of contact. His face glistens with your slick.
He flips you onto your side, placing you on your left side so that your injured leg rests against the mattress. You prop your head up with your hand as he slides in behind you.
His chest presses against your back, the heat of his body warming you all over. His flesh hand juts between your thighs, raising your right leg high enough for him to slap his cock against your pussy.
He strokes himself in his hand while he teases your folds - lubricating himself with your juices.
You turn your head to look at him right as he sheaths himself inside you, filling you entirely in one swift motion.
Fuck, you have to taste yourself on him. You can't handle not having his mouth on yours for another second.
You tilt your head back enough to connect your mouth to his - every worry you once had about coming on too strong and overwhelming him melts away as he opens his mouth for you, moving his lips against yours in an effortless rhythm.
He starts slow, quickly working up to a rapid pace as he repeatedly slams into your cervix from the sweetest angle. The sounds that you're making for him are pornographic - moaning into his mouth as his flesh hand comes around your front, landing on your engorged clitoris. He rubs languid circles while he continues to pound into you from behind.
You pull your lips away from his when you feel your orgasm building. “You always make me feel so good, you know that?” You ask him breathily, your mouth now right next to his ear.
“Every time you fuck me, I'm more sure that no one could ever compare to you. You've ruined me for everyone else. There’s only you for me.”
“Fuck,” he curses and groans your name again - it's the closest he's sounded to his normal self, which only spurs you on.
“I’ve become so fucking addicted to you in such a short amount of time,” you say in between moans as the head of his cock hits your sweet spot just right. “Think about you anytime you're not near me, drives me fucking crazy.”
He flips you - doesn't pull out - so that you're now underneath him. He goes right back to the same brutal pace, bringing his flesh hand to cradle your face as he stares down at you.
Clarity - you recognize it plain as day on his features.
He gives you a few more fast, hard thrusts before you're milking his cock through your orgasm. You crash your lips to his and he's coming - filling you up with his warm seed as he kisses you senseless.
He gradually stills inside you, his body going limp on top of yours as he rests his face in the crook of your neck. You wrap your arms around him, peppering kisses across his scarred shoulder, where flesh meets metal.
“I'm so sorry if I scared you,” he murmurs against the sweat-slicked skin of your throat after a moment. “I wasn't myself. Not even entirely sure how I ended up here - it's like I was pulled in this direction - to you,” he sighs.
You're overcome with such an immense relief at hearing him speak that you could cry. You tighten your hold around him, rubbing your hands up and down his back.
“You could never scare me, Bucky,” you assure him. He pulls out of you, rolling off of you onto the bed beside you and tugging you to his chest. Your cheek rests just over his heart.
"I know you. Even when I know nothing else, even when I don't know myself, I know you."
♡♡♡♡♡
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thanks for reading! as always comments and reblogs are extremely appreciated!
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clanwarrior-tumbly · 2 months
Note
Ooo you’re doing Pressure!!
May I request an artist reader who, throughout the journey found some paper, pencil and made a little makeshift sketchbook and when later bought Sebastian’s document decided to try and draw him? Like maybe both when human and current (and maybe the monsters)? 
Perhaps he saw them sketching, got curious and decided to look through it when reader left it somewhere or just straight up snatched it and held it out of their reach and sees those sketches of him. Could be hurt/comfort or angst/fluff.
Of course you’re free to change any of the details but please keep it platonic TwT
Aw love this idea! And it works considering all the paper and notebooks in the drawers of the blacksite.
............
"Great, [y/n]. One moment, you're doing some harmless graffiti on a brick wall nobody cares about. And the next, you're risking your life for a stupid crystal in hopes you'll get a federal pardon.."
Sighing, you held onto the overhead handles within the sleek black submarine, feeling it shake and rumble as it breached the water's surface. And after hearing the chime, the door hissed and opened up, the platform extending out onto the dock of a place already familiar to you: Hadal Blacksite.
'No place like home..' As you stepped out of the submarine, you could hear HQ over the PDA system informing you of your objective in reaching the crystal and collecting any "loose assets" you find along the way...
As if you needed any reminders of what you were doing here.
Immediately, you unlocked the first door with the keycard and began your journey to room 100. Along the way, you found a good handful of research data. Nothing too special aside from folders, USB drives, and a couple blue DNA vials.
Then after narrowly dodging the Angler in one area and avoiding Eyefestation's gaze in the next, you reached a room requiring yet another keycard to exit. You checked the nearby office cubicle, finding it in the first drawer you opened.
But that isn't what made your eyes light up. Rather, it's what was right next to the card that did:
A brand new pencil to go with the sketchbook you've been carrying with you.
Because you weren't given the luxury of doodling while sitting in jail for over 90 days, you felt your creativity flames being snuffed out, leaving you itching to draw something again.
Before all of this, you had a decent following on social media with your art skills, and you could imagine that they're worried sick over your sudden absence. But you hoped that, if you survive and succeed in this mission, you'll be able to come back and reassure them that you're very much alive.
And perhaps show them what Urbanshade has been hiding from the public...that is to say the sea monsters that have taken up residence in the Blacksite since its lockdown, freely roaming and haunting nearly every room you step into.
With the makeshift sketchbook you had (and somehow kept even after death), you've filled its pages with simple and detailed sketches of each creature you encountered.
But you doubt that they would let you leave with physical evidence of entities nobody else in the world should know about...unless you somehow convinced the guards that they were "original characters" that so-happened to look like them, but you had a feeling that excuse wouldn't fly.
Regardless, they've given you tons of artistic inspiration, despite your many close-calls with them in pursuit of studying their features from afar.
Thanks to the files Sebastian Solace has shown you, you've learned how to safely observe the Angler from a distance and better remember their details. They were merely a grotesque face surrounded by smoke, so you didn't have to worry about drawing any limbs or tails (assuming they had those).
You encountered their variants so many times that you could recall the little things that made each them unique--like how Pinkie had four pupils, how Blitz was missing pupils in one socket completely, how Froger was..well..a big frog with lots of needle-shaped teeth, and Chainsmoker was a sluggish blobfish through all that smoke.
Making eye contact with Pandemonium was a death sentence..as you've already learned after trying (and failing) to safely observe him through a glass window. So you draw him as you see him in his file.
The Squiddles' "intimidating" faces were scary in the dark when you least expected them, but they served as amazing inspiration. You even had a page full of what faces you'd think they make up to frighten others. It's too bad you couldn't show them, however, as that required you getting in their personal space.
Eyefestation, Good People, and the Wall Dwellers were quite..risky to observe, as they had ways of quickly and painfully sending you back to square one if you weren't careful. Even so, you made some pretty damn good sketches..and you wish you could show them off to them, too, especially to the shark who'd probably appreciate a human's drawing of herself.
Even the DiVine, who were always frozen in poses for some reason, joined your ever-growing list of muses. The oxygen gardens were a nice place for you to rest and appreciate the flora for a few moments--before an Angler came along, of course.
Then there was Sebastian.
While he was fully aware of your artistic passions, in the beginning he seemed a bit annoyed whenever you came into his shop just to sketch.....or if you took an unusually long time to reach him. He just assumes you've stopped to "doodle" and wonders if you really care about getting out of this place alive.
He'd remind you that HQ could get suspicious if you're off their radar for too long, but you've stayed in his shop for 10-20 minutes at a time and not once did your diving gear beep. So you reassured him not to fret.
It was kinda sweet that he worried over you, an expendable, although maybe that's because you actually treat him with decency..and don't take his snarky comments to heart whenever you died.
Aside from the occasional eyeroll whenever you brought out your sketchbook, he did inquire about some of the things you've drawn, and you'd show him, bearing a little pride in your work.
All you'd get in response was a "neato" or "wowie, that's how you see them?" and nothing more.
It wasn't insulting, so...you'll take that.
Obviously he was more concerned about how much research data you were willing to fork over in exchange for supplies, and how far that equipment will carry you before your next demise. So you'd eventually close the book and barter with him for whatever wares were on his tail.
Unbeknownst to him, you've actually started sketching him as of late. Now that you've met him dozens of times, it was easy for you to recall his features without needing to stare at him for reference every five seconds.
That would not only be rude, but very creepy.
Then one day, you showed up to Sebastian's shop with enough data to be able to afford his document, which described him as Z-13, "The Saboteur" who the company wanted "dead on sight" if he was spotted or trying to escape.
When you had time to read the file on your own, you learned some..pretty shocking things about how he caused the lockdown, went through torturous experiments, and was falsely accused of nine murders and was proven innocent far too late.
The most upsetting part was that he was never informed of this.
He learned that after presumably stealing his own document.
It made you feel sick to your stomach, knowing he's the reason you're being terrorized by those beasts, but you couldn't find it in your heart to be angry at him.
If anything you were angry at Urbanshade for their "guilty until proven innocent" system--or in his case, being proven innocent didn't matter.
His human mugshot was also included in the file, and even with the black censor bar covering his eyes, he still looked like quite a handsome fellow. You could make out some details, and ended up drawing him on a separate page, too, although part of you wishes you never started.
You doubt he would kill you or rip apart your book for drawing him, but considering how volatile and rude he could be at a moment's notice..you did your best to conceal the sketches when you visited his shop.
You didn't want him to be offended or reminded of his past..and make him resent the one person who he almost considered a genuine friend.
Unfortunately, you'd soon come to realize that your actions were only heightening his suspicions.
And that it was going to come to a head next time you entered his shop.
...............
"Okay, I'm going to bite...what're you really hiding in that little book?"
"Pardon?" Pausing mid-sketch, you looked up at Sebastian, wondering why he appeared so disgruntled. "I'm..uh...just doodling like I always-"
"No, don't give me that "like always" crap." He huffed, flicking the end of his tail as he crossed his two arms over his chest, staring down at you. "Last time, you couldn't stop showing me a stupid face you'd think one of those S-Qs would make...and now you won't even let me have a sneak peak of your next "masterpiece"." He spat the last word, voice dripping with disdain. "Are you really drawing something...or are you secretly writing intel to give to Urbanshade?"
"...wha.." You blinked in disbelief, wondering where he'd get that assumption from. "Why would I ever do that?"
"Oh I dunno, maaaybe because you have access to my file and know my location? I bet you're gonna sell me out to those scumbags once you reach the crystal." He gnashed his teeth. "Did they say you'd get extra cash for leaving tips on my whereabouts, huh?"
"Sebastian, there's no reason for this hostility. I'm not giving any intel to anyone-"
"Then you wouldn't mind me taking a look at this, would you? Yyyyyyoink!" His third arm was quick to snatch your sketchbook away, holding it out of your reach as you jumped up in panic.
You were already dreading his reaction.
This could very well be the end for you.
"Please give that back! You'll tear it!"
"You look frightened. So maybe I should, considering you're writing secrets about.....about...." But as Sebastian finally looked at the page, all he saw were sketches of his current self, and you began to see a shift in his expression.
It went from pure anger, to surprise and confusion, and then to....something unreadable.
"These are...all of me?" His voice became quieter as he flipped the page, only for his breath to hitch upon finding the drawings of his human form.
And for once, he was completely speechless.
The details were immaculate, everything from his hair style to the scar he used to have across his face--given to him from an angry cellmate who thought he really did kill those people and tried giving him a "taste of his own medicine".
But the way you made him look was...incredible.
That's him.
That's really him.
The man--the human--he was before...
Before...
"Yes." Your face was burning with embarrassment, and your heart was pounding with fear of both death and ridicule, now knowing that your fate laid in his hands now. "I-I'm sorry. I should've asked for your permission and I know the details aren't perfect but you didn't let me........huh?"
Ceasing your ramblings, you noticed the tears welling in his eyes, and you were stunned. Then his shaking hands closed the sketchbook and returned it to you. "Um..are you okay? I'm really sorry if-"
"I...a-almost forgot what I looked like before all of this.." He raised a claw to wipe at his watery eyes, sniffling. "They're...good drawings, friend. I'm sorry..I...I-I didn't mean to..." His voice cracked, and he forced himself to stop, bringing his hands to his face. "Why am I crying over something like..t-this..?"
He hated looking so weak in front of you, yet he couldn't help the tears that kept slipping down his cheeks. A certain sadness was weighing heavily on his heart, yet at the same time he felt...honored that you wanted to draw him, putting your heart and soul into every sketch--with him getting the most effort.
You didn't overexaggerate him as the hideous beast he and everyone else was convinced he was, but just him as, well, himself. His smiles when he realizes it's you coming through the vent again, his cheeky grins when you buy up all his supplies, and even the one time he pouted when you died to Pandemonium because you risked it all trying to draw the moldy fish-creature.
The human ones, as you could tell from the way he broke down, especially hit home for him. Just from a mugshot alone, you were able to create a near-accurate depiction of him.
It made him wonder if you two have met before any of this happened.
Sebastian sniffled, struggling to stop the tears and expecting you to make fun of him as he finally uncovered his face. But instead he saw you standing there with your arms opened up. "I feel like you could use one of these. It's okay. I know you miss being human."
".........."
"C'mon, big guy. My arms are kinda hurting--oh!"
Without warning, he accepted your embrace and squeezed you tightly in his hold. Of course he was careful not to crush your diving tanks, and you smiled in appreciation and patted his back. "It's okay, it's alright..I got you. I didn't mean to make you cry."
He sniffled a few times, but otherwise said nothing and tried making sure you weren't supporting all of his upper body weight.
Curse his size. He wishes he could experience a normal hug again.
This one will do, though.
"I-It's...it's fine. Don't worry.." He finally spoke after a few moments, calming down. "As long as you don't tell anyone about this."
"I'll take it to my grave." You chuckled, letting go and stepping away so he could straighten his back out. While he did that, you gently tore a few pages from your book, to which he blinked in confusion.
"What are you doing with-?"
"Keep them." You insisted. "In case this sketchbook falls into a pit or gets waterlogged, I want you to hold onto these. Besides, I can tell you appreciate them a lot. So...consider it a gift."
"Why..thank you." A smile appeared on his face as he took the pages carefully. "Rest assured, they'll be safe and sound." He gazed at them both one more time, feeling a tug on his heart.
But it wasn't as heavy as before.
After neatly folding and stowing them away into his pockets, he saw you already sitting in one of the chairs, your sketchbook opened to a brand new blank page.
"Sooooooo what are you going to draw this time?" He tilted his head, ear fins twitching with curiosity.
"Hm...I did see a vision of a white glowing man a few rooms back. I think he was from...the Mindscape? There was a file talking about him and some floating gears and a white ball."
"Ohh yeah, he's an interesting guy. I'd love to see your interpretation of him." Now Sebastian was 100% invested, as he curled his tail around himself, resting his upper body on it so he could see your book better. "But y'know you won't be able to leave this place with sketches of-"
"I'm well aware of that...I could always change a few things and turn them into OCs."
"Hah. You should."
"Maybe I will." You snickered, grateful that you didn't have anything to fear.
At least somebody in the Blacksite appreciated your art.
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confessedlyfannish · 1 year
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DP x DC Writing Prompt #5
Damian does not glance back at Bruce when he knocks on the door. Instead they both wait in silence.
After a moment, the door opens.
"Hello," Jasmine, Jazz, Fenton greets politely, unsurprised to find the Waynes on her doorstep. Damian's expression grows ever darker at this revelation.
"Hello Ms. Fenton, are your parents home?" Bruce asks, placing a firm hand on Damian's shoulder, to ground as much as to restrain. To his credit he does not shake it off.
"No, they're out of town for a conference," the eighteen year-old says, opening the door wider. "But I think you'd better come in."
Bruce would normally decline, but Ms. Fenton is a legal adult and he has already, even unknowingly, waited 16 years. Damian makes the choice for him, striding past the threshold.
"Please take a seat," Jazz says as she leads them to the living room. She ignores Damian's swinging head as he takes in the home. It is deceptively large, a 90s style house filled with modern furniture. The walls are bright, with purple and green accents that would normally feel garish but somehow work. The stairs leading to the second floor are lined with family photos that Bruce yearns to take a closer look at. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?"
"No, that's alright, thank you," Bruce says, taking a seat on the long plush couch. A men's windbreaker lies haphazardly thrown across one of the arms. A closed container of Oreo cookies sit on the coffee table next to a physics textbook open to chapter 16, half covered in highlighter and filled with sticky notes. There's a child's painting framed next to the tv, a handprint made to look like a thanksgiving turkey in bright blue.
For the home of experimental scientists, it is cozy and well lived-in.
Damian repeatedly glances at the stairs through the doorway.
Bruce clears his throat. "We were hoping to--"
"I've texted--oh, I'm sorry," Jazz says, having spoken at the same time. Bruce gestures for her to go on.
"I've contacted Danny, he should be here soon. He was out with some friends." Jazz explains. As she hadn't pulled out a phone in their presence, Bruce can only deduce they have some sort of camera at their front door. This also explains Ms. Fenton's complete lack of surprise at their appearance.
"So you know who we are." Damian says, the first words he's spoken since they arrived at the house and the longest sentence he's spoken since they arrived in Amity Park.
"I do," Jazz says, calm in the face of Damian's clearly simmering anger. Bruce trusts him not to attack Ms. Fenton, but he still watches him carefully.
"He told you about me," Damian says. It is the same question, but it is also not.
"He did," Jazz says.
Damian swallows. "I see," he grits out.
Jazz's neutrality slips and her face softens in sympathy. "Damian," she starts hesitantly, but before she can say anything else the front door opens.
A moment later Bruce's son walks through the doorway, and Damian is on him.
This is what Bruce hoped to prevent, but despite his numerous checks of Damian's luggage his son has still managed to smuggle a small dagger, which he now produces and swings in a calculated arc at Daniel Fenton's jugular.
Danny dodges cleanly, and dodges every swipe thereafter in a manner that speaks to continued practice long after his time at the League. Damian is a perfect product of his training, but it is up against Danny his flaws come to light. He is just as good as he always was, but Danny is better.
In a matter of seconds Damian grows frustrated and sloppy in his attacks, completely atypical for him. Danny takes Damian out at the knees and pins him down with one arm, pressing his face into the carpet.
"Calm down," he orders. His voice is deeper than Damian's at sixteen to his twelve, the accent that still traces Damian's words completely gone from his speech. Damian growls and thrusts his head back into Danny's face, meeting it with a sharp thunk. He rolls up as Danny recoils, putting distance between them. Danny glares at him from several steps away, hand to his forehead. Damian tosses the dagger into his other hand as he charges, and to Bruce's surprise Danny does nothing more than turn his face to the side, allowing Damian to draw a sharp line down his cheek.
Damian stops dead in his tracks.
"Are you done?" Danny asks, blood beginning to pool at the seam of the cut.
Damian's expression is stricken, eyes stuck on the blood starting to drip down his brother's face.
"I said, are you done, Damian?" Danny asks. His voice is cold.
Damian hears him this time, and he flushes red. "I--you--"
Danny sighs. He looks at Jazz, whose expression is back to carefully controlled.
"Are you alright?" he asks her. She nods.
"You left me," Damian accuses, standing there holding his bloody dagger limply.
Danny turns back to him, raising an eyebrow.
"You left me," Damian repeats louder, rapidly blinking.
"Yes. I did." Danny provides no excuse nor any explanation. His stance is unyielding.
Damian's eyes bounce wildly, shifting to Jazz and Danny slides smoothly in front of her, protectively. He looks at Damian warily, not as if he is his brother, but as if he is a danger. Damian flinches.
Hope is the last to die, Bruce thinks, watching as that last bit of hope Damian had is extinguished, the knowledge working its way through every inch of his body like ice in his veins. His eyes darken. He turns and runs from the room, the front door slamming shut not a moment later.
Jazz stands up, pulling a few tissues from the box on the coffee table. She presses them to Danny's face, cupping his cheek until he holds it himself. "I'm going to go get the first aid kit," she says gently. It is a thinly veiled excuse to leave them alone, and Bruce is grateful for it as she heads for the stairs.
They both wait until her footsteps have faded, taking each other in. Bruce looks at his mother's eyes and the sharp turn of Talia's nose. Damian's everything, four years older.
"You shouldn't have come here," Danny says, throwing himself on the armchair Jazz has just vacated.
"You know who I am," Bruce says carefully.
Danny glares. "I've kept your secret. She nor my parents know."
"I know," Bruce says. "That's not what I meant. You know who I am. And who I pretend to be. So you know I am familiar with masks."
"And?" Danny asks, looking vaguely bored.
"And so I can recognize when someone is wearing one. Damian will too, once he's calmed down."
Danny's expression sharpens. "No, he won't. Because you are going to go to back to whatever bed and breakfast you're staying in, pack up, hop in your private jet and fly him back to Gotham immediately before the League realizes you've gone. If they haven't already," he mutters.
"This is about the League then," Bruce says. "Do you not believe I can protect you?"
"I don't need your protection," Danny snaps, and watches Bruce actively extrapolate with a dawning resignation. "So this is the World's Greatest Detective at work," he says, slumping bonelessly into his chair, the first teenager-y thing he's done.
"Damian's in danger from the League," Bruce says. Danny glares from his slump. It's almost cute. "And as long as the League doesn't know about you, he's safe."
"Draw your own conclusions," Danny says, baring his teeth. Damian often makes the same face. "As long as you leave."
"I can protect him. I can protect you both," Bruce says. "Let me help you."
Danny closes his eyes. He centers his breathing in an exercise someone has clearly walked him through in the past. Bruce would bet money on the adoptive sister waiting patiently upstairs.
"Mr. Wayne. You are not my father," he says. "My trust in you extends to the point that I left Damian in your care, but that is where it ends. And that was when it was sanctioned by the League. By coming here you have endangered those sanctions."
Bruce disregards the sting, doubling down on his analysis. Talia had left Damian with Bruce well after Danny had left the League. But Danny speaks as if the decision had been his.
Or perhaps, Bruce realizes, it is not that Danny decided upon it, but that Danny allowed it to continue.
Bruce takes a second to review what Oracle had gone over with him before they left for Amity. Daniel Fenton had by all accounts, since leaving the League, lived a fairly normal life. His adoptive parents were eccentric scientists dabbling in the occult but their findings that bordered pseudoscience circulated a very niche community of like-minded eccentrics. The bulk of their income came from alternative energy, a more viable source of study that they'd veered harder into in the past year or so, a government contract with the EPA currently in the works. This had in part funded a vacation to an all-inclusive resort the family had taken that past summer.
Danny received average grades in school, above average in science and mathematics, declining sharply in his freshman year and sophomore year before evening out around the second semester. He had gotten into fights repeatedly with one student in particular, suspended for two weeks following an incident that resulted in a the student receiving a black eye. Teachers reported him to be highly intelligent but distracted and removed. They had recommended he be evaluated for an attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. He had no social media. He had missed multiple picture days. The ones he had attended he was sneezing, or a blur of movement, even going so far as to fall off his stool, legs flailing. Bruce had drank up every last one as Barbara had waited patiently.
A normal life. A family vacation to Bermuda. Average grades.
His freshman year, distracted and removed. The same year Damian had arrived at Bruce's home. Masks upon masks.
"You have informants within the League," Bruce says. Danny, to his credit, has no discernible tell. But there is no other explanation. "What will you do, if they find out you are alive?"
"That is none of your concern," Danny says, but he might as well be saying whatever I have to.
He never stopped practicing, after all.
"If they go after Damian, it is my concern."
"And that is why you need to take Damian back to Gotham before they do." Danny says. "I will take care of it."
Damian had barely spoken since he had realized Danyal was alive. But Bruce had seen the reverence in his eyes as he looked at the file.
"الوريث الصحيح" he had murmured. The rightful heir.
"You are proposing going after the entirety of the League with no backup," Bruce says. "Even if you think they won't kill you, you won't win either."
"Maybe they will," Danny says lightly. "Kill me. That would also work."
Bruce inhales sharply. "Danny," he starts.
"Go home, Mr. Wayne," Danny says, pushing himself up with one hand. The other still clutches the wad of tissue to his cheek, partially soaked with blood. "Go take care of your son."
"I'll go," Bruce says, "I'll take him to the Watchtower. And then I'll come back."
"Mr. Wayne-"
"I should've come for you," Bruce interrupts. "Sixteen years ago. I should've come for you."
Danny's brow furrows. "You had no idea I existed."
"But if I had. I would've come. I never would've left you there. And now that I know, I am not leaving you now."
For the first time Bruce watches Danny be completely caught off guard. He openly gapes at Bruce.
"You would've died," Danny lands on, voice thin. "They would've killed you."
"Unlike you, I would've brought backup." Bruce says, mimicking Danny's lightness.
He's lying. Sixteen years ago he would've thrown himself at the League to save his newborn son without a plan, without a thought beyond rescuing his baby.
Danny barks out a laugh. "You would've laid siege to Nanda Parbat with The Big Blue Boy Scout?" he looks wistful. "That would've been rad."
Bruce sees his opening. "Danny," he stands, eye to eye with his son. "Let me help you."
Danny evaluates him. "The Batman," he says softly. "I didn't want you to come, then. I didn't need one more person I had to prove myself to. All I wanted was to live amongst the stars, in the quiet of the cosmos."
"You want to be an astronaut," Bruce says. At Danny's cocked head, he says without shame, "I read your essay on personal heroes. You wrote about Edward White. Ad Astra Per Aspera."
Danny smiles slightly, sadly. "It is a rough road."
"You can be whatever you want to be," Bruce says. "I won't stand in your way."
"Even if I want to be Danny Fenton?" he asks.
"Even then."
Danny sighs. "I don't need your help Bruce," he says. "No," he says as Bruce opens his mouth. He pulls the wad of tissues away from his cheek. Underneath the splotches of dried blood the gash in his face has cleanly knit itself together, a faint white line now all that remains.
"I don't need your help," he says clearly. He holds a palm forward, and a green fire grows from its center, until the flames are licking delicately up his fingers.
"I know The Batman does not kill. But I am not a Robin. I am something else entirely," Danny says, his eyes reflecting the green of the flames. Or not, as he looks up at Bruce, his eyes green all on their own. They are sad. This is why he stayed away, Bruce realizes. Not out of fear. Danny is not afraid. Danny is tired.
But for his brother, Danny will wake up.
"And If the League takes one step towards Damian, I will raze them to the ground."
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delilahsturniolo · 2 months
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don’t take it out on me.
written by: @delilahsturniolo
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Summary: in which matt has a bad day and takes it out on his girlfriend.
this story contains: angst, crying, arguing, yelling, comforting/fluff, kinda physical argument? (just one or two shoves) & slight anxiety attack
Let me know if i missed any ^^
____________________________________________
“don’t take it out on me”
“i’m out of sympathy, for you.”
I sat on Matt’s bed, mindlessly scrolling on my phone. The triplets were out filming a car video, I haven’t seen Matt all day. I checked the time, it was 11:36 PM. They should be driving back home by now.
I went into my text messages and clicked on Matt’s contact.
IMESSAGE
Matt ❤️
hi baby! are you guys done filming?
read 11:37 PM
I furrowed my eyes in confusion as I waited for him to respond, but he didn’t. He left me on read? That was so out of the ordinary for Matt, he would normally always respond to my messages. I put my phone down, deciding to brush it off and think nothing of it.
Before I knew it I heard the front door open, footsteps walking into the house, followed by Nick’s loud giggles. I heard someone coming up the stairs and approaching the room.
The door opened, it was Matt. He entered his room and shut the door, not saying a word to me. “Hi baby!” I exclaimed, getting up off his bed and walking towards him, wrapping my arms around him.
Instead of returning the hug, he immediately pushed me off of him. I stumbled back a little, shocked at his sudden action. I watched as he headed over to his closet, getting his pajamas.
“Matt? Are you okay?” I asked hesitantly, not daring to move from where I was. Matt had never in his life pushed me off of him, or rejected a hug from me. I was really confused but decided to stay patient with him.
“I’m fine.” He grumbled, coming out of his closet. I frowned and spoke up again. “You don’t seem fine, you look upset.” I crossed my arms.
“I said I’m fine! I’m not upset, okay? Jeez.” Matt snapped at me, picking up his phone and looking down at it, completely blocking me out.
“Why are you being like this?” I questioned in a frustrated tone, he huffed and glared at me, throwing his phone down on the bed.
“I have no idea what the fuck you want from me, y/n! Just leave me alone! Is that so hard to ask?” Matt yells, I felt my heart sink. I clenched my fists and stepped closer to him. Our faces were inches away from each other, the tension and anger was filling the air. Usually, Matt would never dare to raise his voice at me, but this was different. This never happened before.
“Stop yelling at me and tell me why the fuck you’re so angry!” I yelled back at him. Matt scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I just had a bad day, it’s no big deal.” He said, his voice laced with bitterness and irritation.
I glared at him angrily. “Well, don’t take it out on me! I was so excited to see you and you come home and act like this?” He reached out to touch my shoulder but I pushed him back, a little harder than I should’ve.
Matt immediately grabbed my wrists, yanking me closer to him. His grip was excruciatingly tight. “Don’t fucking do that.”
I winced in pain as me grabbed me. I yanked my hand away from him and walked out of the room, tears filling my eyes.
1 hour later…
I was in the bathroom, I finished brushing my teeth and put away my toothbrush, wiping my face. Matt was in the room, scrolling on his phone. We still hadn’t spoken since our argument,
I went over to the sink and looked in the mirror, I looked a mess. My eyes were so tired, they were red and puffy. My mind kept replaying the argument with me and Matt, all the yelling and screaming was all I could think about. No..all I could think about was Matt. This was so out of character for him.
The bathroom was connected to Matt’s room (i know it’s not actually but just pretend) and the door was open. I looked back at Matt, who sat on his bed and looked down at his phone. I sighed, letting out a shaky breath.
What if he never forgave me? What if he was going to leave me? Were the type of thoughts that were consuming my mind. I felt my eyes water as tears began streaming down my face. My ears were ringing and my vision was blurred by my tears. I let out a pained sob, my chest rising and falling rapidly.
Matt’s head immediately snapped up and toward the bathroom as he heard sobs coming from it. “Baby? Are you okay?” Matt called out, but no response.
He threw his phone down, not caring that it hit the floor as he rushed into the bathroom. Right now, his girlfriend was his top priority.
He entered the bathroom and spotted me crying my eyes out. He didn’t hesitate to come over to me and immediately wrap his arms around me, holding me tightly against his chest.
“Shh…it’s okay love, I’m here, I’ve got you.” He whispered into my ear, gently rubbing my back in a soothing motion. His heart was breaking.
I sobbed into his chest, clinging to him tightly. “Don’t cry baby, please don’t cry. I love you so much. So fucking much.” Matt spoke softly, gently rocking me back and forth, he held onto me like his life depended on it.
“Can you take a nice deep breath for me?” Matt said, taking a deep breath himself so I could copy him. I sucked in a deep breath, copying his breathing pattern.
“Good job sweetheart, a couple more.” He took more deep breaths and I followed him. Eventually, my sobs subsided, and we were just hugging in silence.
He pulled away and gently wiped my remaining tears away. He suddenly spoke up.
“I’m so sorry y/n. I should’ve never yelled at you, or treat you like that at all. I just had the shittiest day ever, but that’s no excuse. You’re the most beautiful and perfect girl ever, inside and out. I promise you, you make me so happy and I love you. No matter how angry I am, that will never change. I’m so sorry.” Matt gently caressed my cheek. I felt myself smile at his genuine apology.
“Theres that gorgeous smile!” Matt exclaimed, I laughed softly.
“It’s okay Matt, I forgive you. But, if you have bad days you know you can talk to me right? I’m always here for you.” I replied, looking up into his bright blue eyes.
“Of course. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you earlier, baby. I should have never taken out my stress on you.” Matt apologized once again.
“Matt, it’s okay. Stop apologizing.” I chuckled, Matt smiled at me. He suddenly slung one arm under my arms and his other arm under my legs, picking me up bridal style. I gasped at the sudden action. “Matt!” I giggled. He playfully threw me onto the bed.
He covered me in a blanket and grabbed his stuffed animal, mr wrinkleton and placed him next to me. “I’ll be right back, pick out a movie and keep mr wrinkleton company for me.”
I nodded, hugging mr wrinkleton against my chest as I picked up the remote, scrolling through movies. I decided to pick The Notebook, one of my favorites.
Soon enough, Matt came back. He held a bunch of drinks and snacks in his hands, I laughed as he struggled to carry all of them. He set them down on his side table.
“Matt..this is so sweet.” I blushed, Matt looked down at me, admiring me. He handed me a bag of chips and a soda.
“Anything for you, gorgeous girl.”
He plopped down on the bed next to me and I started the movie. Matt scooted closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I laid my head on his chest as we watched the movie, his hand gently running through my hair in a comforting way.
“I love you, my pretty girl.”
“I love you too Matt.”
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AUTHORS NOTE 💌
hii!
this is my first fic, so im really
sorry if it sucks, but i hope you enjoyed it, i had a lot of fun writing this! don’t hesitate to send in requests or give me feedback. 🤍
i love u guys
© delilahsturniolo
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Text
Relistening to Checking Out, and I’ve always liked this scene in particular, as it is one that’s very open to interpretation.
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I believe, from what I’ve seen personally at least, one or the most common interpretations is that Helen’s observation is either incorrect, or intentionally misleading, and that Jon’s response actually stems from touch aversion, or a degree of it, attributed to his trauma, particularly moments where he’s been left helpless and at the whims of others. E.g. Kidnapped by the Circus, almost killed by Daisy etc. And while I think this interpretation is both interesting and plausible, I don’t think I’ve seen much for the opposite interpretation, which is that Helen’s observation is correct.
It can be difficult to talk about Jon’s humanity sometimes, as there’s a lot of nuance and layers to cover. The fact is, Jon, especially in season five, does not completely think like a human. He is simultaneously a painfully human character such with deep compassion and guilt and self-loathing, while also being a being of immense knowledge who sees and understands the world in a different light, and in a way no one else can possibly comprehend, which has to be very isolating all things considered.
As with everything in TMA, Jon makes a choice, and his choice is to end the apocalypse, to stay with Martin, and to stay as human as he possibly can. We know from Annabelle that had she have taken Martin, who is presumably acting as one of his main anchors to humanity, Jon potentially would have snapped completely, the final push over the edge as she puts it. It has to be a difficult thing for him, to try and balance his existence when he is so fundamentally changed, and when this world naturally feels right to him, and you could argue that him snapping at the mother here is simply his instinct, being what he is.
He is The Archivist, the meant-to-be Pupil of the Eye, one of the most important beings present, and so it makes sense there’s almost an instinctive detachment from the victims. He is meant to Watch them, and Watching means no physical interaction. By touching him, the mother has broken this barrier, and so, instinctually, he reacts — with anger, notably.
I’d say it’s meant to contrast how we see him acting prior to the touch, where he seems genuinely sympathetic with the mother, and he is trying to help in what little way he can. Because before she touches him, that gap between Watched and Watcher is still firm in place, and so he can handle that.
Bearing in mind, I haven’t re-listened to the rest of season five with this, so I may have missed something.
I also think both interpretations can co-exist too, and that could be just as interesting to explore. Either way, I find that, with Jon, it’s important to consider his status in the Eyepocalypse and his nature vs his choices, although, his nature vs his choices goes for the whole series I think, as choice is such a consistent theme in TMA and in the Avatars.
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a11eya · 4 months
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TITLE: do you still think about me?
PAIRING: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader
SUMMARY: Okay, so you had the biggest, most embarrassing crush on Bakugou when you were both in high school. He was kind of your first love, if you believe in those kinds of things. But you got over it. It's fine.
You see Bakugou sometimes at hangouts, at get-togethers. He's in your orbit, or you're in his, because of your mutual friends. You're all adults now, so it's fine. It's a little weird, but fine.
You're supposed to be on vacation, at a place that's hours away from Musutafu. You're not sure what you've done to deserve it, but Bakugou's here too. And instead of both of you pretending the other doesn't exist, as usual, he's talking to you. He's everywhere. It's fine.
(It's not fine.)
TAGS: pro hero Bakugou Katsuki, aged-up characters, friends to lovers, soft Bakugou Katsuki, fluff, mutual pining, smut, oral sex, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, reader with afab body parts, reader with hair that can be pushed away from face when damp
STATUS: Completed; 3 of 3
NAVIGATION: Series Masterlist
NOTE: Minors, DNI! This chapter contains smut.
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“Watch it,” Bakugou snaps. 
His hand shoots out to grab your upper arm as you stumble over a hidden tree root, too engrossed in the pictures you’re taking with your phone to notice what’s underfoot.
“Pay attention,” he growls as he steadies you. His hand is warm where it’s wrapped around you. 
Heart thumping in your chest, you slip your phone into your pocket, feeling duly admonished. 
“Sorry,” you say, looking up at him. “And thank you. Your reflexes are amazing.” 
Bakugou scowls at you. “Be more careful or I’m taking you back down.” 
“You and what army?” You stick your tongue out at him.
Some expression you can’t quite read flickers across his face, and he narrows his eyes at you.
Your momentary courage deserts you. You squeak and pull yourself free from his grasp, making your way hurriedly up the marked path while trying to balance caution and speed so you don’t trip and fall on your face.
Behind you, you hear a sharp bark of laughter. You can’t help but look back. 
Bakugou’s gaze immediately catches yours. There are traces of laughter still in his face—in his eyes, on his lips. 
It’s not the first time you’ve heard him laugh, of course. Kaminari’s hilarious, and when he, Kirishima, and Hanta get going at parties, everyone’s laughing. (Even if Bakugou sometimes laughs at them more than with them.) And that’s not even taking into account how much of a menace Bakugou is when Todoroki’s around to tease.
But it’s the first time you’ve made him laugh. You want to keep making him laugh, you realize. You really like him, and it’s such a problem. All that time spent trying to keep your distance, get over him? Undone within a few days.
As Bakugou’s long strides quickly eat up the distance between you, you try to compose yourself, hoping none of your thoughts are visible in your expression. It’s fine.
He puts a hand on your back, nudging you forward. 
“C’mon,” he tells you. “If you wanna make it back in time for dinner, save the pictures and the attitude for the top.” 
Much of the trail takes you through a forest filled with cedar and birch trees with a steady incline upwards. Wooden stairs and handholds appear a couple times, as this hiking trail is well-traveled. You pass some people in pairs or families on your way up, but not often. 
When you hike—and yes, you usually do take a friend or two, Bakugou—you prefer not to talk much. A lot of the time it’s because your lungs can’t multitask; the physical exertion of breathing is more than enough. But it’s also because you hate to cut through the sound of nature with your voice. You love the birdsong, the wind rustling the trees, the faint hum of insects. 
Bakugou is quiet too, for the most part. When he does speak, his voice is low, quiet, with check-ins and directives. 
“You out of water? Here.” You find out he has water, a first aid kit, snacks, and who knows what else in the backpack he’s brought along.
“Gimme your hands. Rocks’re slippery here.” He’s all easy strength, a warm grip. Your hands in his. 
“Let’s stop here for a minute.” He’s not tired at all, but you are as things get steeper, and you don’t even need to say anything for him to pause for a break. 
Bakugou’s a good hiking partner. He’s better than Rie, who refuses to do anything with an incline and complains the whole way anyway, or Hanta, who chats your ear off the entire time and outpaces you with his long legs and hero stamina. 
Maybe when the two of you get back to Musutafu, Bakugou’d be willing to go on another hike with you. A friendly hike. You’ve never done anything one-on-one with him before this weekend, and since you’re slowly coming to accept that maybe you’ll have feelings for him forever, it’ll be fine. 
You reach the peak around noon. 
“Bakugou,” you say, staring out into the distance. You glance away briefly to put your hand on his forearm, shaking it slightly in excitement. 
Bakugou huffs, stepping closer to you. 
“Look,” you tell him, and his eyes meet yours. You know it’s because of a few clumsy moments you had getting up here that he’s keeping within arms length of you at all times, but—he’s so close. And he acts like he has no idea what he looks like, sunlight limning his blond hair and turning his eyes clear crimson. 
You look away, back out. You don’t want to make things weird when—when you’re friends, now, right? The time you’ve spent together this weekend, just the two of you… you’ve got to be friends at this point. 
You push your thoughts aside and try to recenter yourself, focus on what’s in front of you.
Trees grow everywhere you look in deep shades of green and umber. The nearby lake shimmers, placid. In the distance are mountains, making their mark against the horizon. 
“It’s so beautiful out here,” you say. You turn your head to look at Bakugou again, smiling, only to find that he’s still looking at you. Your hand’s still on his arm. 
A little flustered, you let go of him. In a voice softer than you intend, you tell him, “I’m having a great time. Thanks for coming with me.” 
He looks at you for a long moment.
“Good,” he says. 
Soaking in the open-air bath does wonders for your body. 
It’s a little too early for muscle aches and soreness, but you can already feel how fatigued certain parts of your body are—your feet, your calves. The hot water is like a balm as you submerge yourself to your chin. 
The public onsen is nice, but crowded. You visited yesterday, after the morning market, and enjoyed it. But it’s a different experience, here in your room’s private outdoor bath. It’s like you’re the only one in the whole world. You needed this time and space to yourself after returning from the hike with Bakugou. When you’re with him, it feels like all your senses are dialed to 110% and the only thing you can think of is him. In the hours since the hike, you took a nap and then checked in with your friends. 
Sero finally got back to you late last night, letting you know that he’d met Rie halfway and traveled back with her to Musutafu. Rie messaged you a picture she’d taken of herself, looking haggard and depleted, with her client barely visible in the background looking stunningly gorgeous. Rie’s always been super talented at turning people into works of art.
They both asked how you’re doing. In your group chat with them, you sent along pictures of the gifts you’d gotten them and the photos you took on your hike. The views you captured look unreal, like CGI, they’re so pretty. 
You even got Bakugou to take a few pictures—a couple of you, with a big grin, throwing up a peace sign, and even a selfie of the both of you. He’s not smiling, exactly, in it, but his neutral expression is handsome anyway. You weren’t sure he wanted it, but you sent the picture to him, just in case. 
You did make the mistake of sending one of your solo pictures in your group chat with Rie and Sero because Rie immediately sent you several follow-up direct messages while Sero just sent a thumbs up.
Rie: Who took this????
Rie: Who were you with??
If you told the truth, you’d never hear the end of it. Instead of replying to her, guiltily, you left her messages unopened, to deal with later. 
You drift, eyes closed. The daytime sounds of birds and cicadas have been replaced by the chirping of crickets as the sun sets, casting a dreamy orange glow over everything. 
You’ve nearly dozed off when the sound of knocks on your door has you stirring. 
Briefly, you entertain the urge to ignore it. It’s probably someone who’s got the wrong room, as you aren’t expecting anyone. You do plan on ordering the in-room dining menu but haven’t gotten around to requesting it yet. 
But the knocks come again, and then your phone pings. 
Sighing, you stand, water sloshing and streaming off your body. You grab a towel and briskly rub yourself down so you aren’t dripping water everywhere, and then you shrug on the onsen-provided robe. 
As you pad over to the front door, you grab your phone and glance at the screen. 
The message preview says—
Bakugou: You in your room? 
Blinking, you jerk your head up to stare at the door. It’s quiet now. 
Hurrying over, you open it. No one’s there. 
You stick your head out and look both ways. To your left, you see Bakugou’s retreating back.
“Bakugou,” you call. “Come back!”
He stops, turns. His eyes land on you, and he scowls. 
You resist the urge to jerk back. What’s his deal? You were in the bath; you answered the door as fast as you could.
You make a face at him. 
With long strides, Bakugou’s back at your door. He steps close, almost crowding you. 
“Get back in there, you aren’t even dressed,” he says. His eyes drop down to your shoulder, then quickly dart back to your face. 
Your robe had loosened, one side sliding down your shoulder a little when you’d leaned out to look for him. You feel your face begin to warm as suddenly, you’re hyper aware you’re not wearing anything under this robe and he’s just a step or two away. 
You fix your robe.
“There isn’t even anyone around,” you say, stubborn, just to get your mind off of the path it’s taking. He’s clearly freshly showered, hair damp, and you’re reminded of your first night here in the bamboo garden, him, under the moonlight. 
Stop. 
As if to prove you wrong, you begin to hear the faintest sound of voices echoing from down the hall. Bakugou looks at you as if to say I told you so. 
You step back. “Come in.”
Closing the door behind him, you cross your arms over your chest, trying not to feel self-conscious. 
“What brought you over here, anyway?” you ask. 
“Was gonna ask if you wanna eat with me for dinner,” Bakugou says. He avoids looking at you, glances around your room, and you’re glad that you’re generally a pretty tidy person. Glad that he’s not looking at you, but also a little disappointed, though you know it’s dumb. He’s not interested. 
“I’d love to, but I feel like a limp noodle,” you say. “I doubt I’ll make it to the restaurant. And I might fall asleep over dinner. I was gonna order their in-room dining menu instead.” 
You’re telling the truth. You feel like you’ve spent your time well on this vacation, but you’re tired.
But you don’t want to say no; you don’t want to turn him away. You’ve already spent so much time with him, but it’s like you can’t get enough. 
“Do you wanna join me?” you ask. 
Bakugou puts his hands in his pockets. “Yeah. But let’s eat in my room.”
You furrow your brows. “Why? We’re already here in mine.” 
He shrugs a shoulder. “Go get dressed.”
You stare at him, bewildered. What logical explanation could there be for him to want to dine in his room instead? Maybe his room’s nicer than yours? But he’s never struck you as the kind of guy to care about stuff like that. Maybe he forgot something in there? But that’s silly, he presumably just came from there. The in-room dining menu costs the same across the rooms, so it can’t be that…
Pausing, you narrow your eyes at him. “Wait. Is it because you want to charge the meal to your room?”
His silence is telling. He looks at you, unwavering, as if maintaining eye contact will make you back down. But you’re unintimidated. 
“I know your tricks now, Bakugou,” you tell him, smug. “You can’t fool me. We’re eating here, and I’m paying for it as thanks for the hike today. Go sit on the couch, feel free to turn on the TV. I’ll be right back.”
You turn before he can say anything, grabbing some clothes from the dresser and walking into the bathroom to change. Faintly, you hear the sound of the TV being turned on. 
Your small victory has you re-energized. You change, buoyed with it. You do wonder about this newly discovered quirk of Bakugou’s—paying for things unnecessarily. You do recall he’s never been stingy, covering rounds of drinks at get-togethers, spotting your mutual friends’ meals on birthdays. 
It doesn’t come across as—I have more money than you do, so I’m flaunting it, even though you’re aware that he does make more than most of your friend group because of his higher hero ranking and the fact he owns his own agency. It feels more so like his way of showing his friends he cares; it’s warming that it’s something he’s trying to do with you. 
It’s juvenile, this need to be reassured, but you wish you could ask him if he thinks of you as a friend. 
When you leave the bathroom, you find Bakugou sitting on the couch, flipping through the provided menu. He looks up as you approach and sit a cushion away from him. 
“You like fruit?” Bakugou asks. 
“…Yes?” you say, blinking. “That’s so random.” 
He tilts his head toward the other end of the couch where the gifts you’d bought at the market sit. Sero’s bag of fruits is open, peeking through. 
“Oh! Those are for Hanta. You know he likes citrus fruit, right? You got him those oranges a couple weeks back.” 
Bakugou raises a brow. “He tell you about that?” 
“Yeah! He was talking about them non-stop for a couple days. Couldn’t get him to shut up. It was really sweet of you—I think those oranges are his favorite variety.” 
Bakugou’s expression is hard to make out, but you think maybe he’s pleased. He’s a really great friend, you think. 
“Let’s order,” he says. 
You order to your heart’s content, feeling justified since you’d only eaten an onigiri and some snacks Bakugou’s brought for lunch, at the peak. While you wait, a hero special on All Might begins playing on the TV, and the both of you are unable to resist being drawn into it. He was the hero of your childhoods, after all, the biggest star.
“What’s he like, anyway?” you ask Bakugou. When he looks at you askew, you make a face at him. 
“I only ever saw him at events or peripherally, teaching the hero course,” you say defensively. “You probably don’t remember, but I was in the management course.”
“I remember,” he says. You resist the urge to grimace. You wish he didn’t; you’ve been getting along so well that you lulled yourself into forgetting about your cringy past. 
“...He’s annoying,” Bakugou says after a moment, interlocking his fingers and staring down at them. “Old man doesn’t know when to quit. Still at that damn school.” 
“Still teaching?” you ask. “That’s nice.” 
“Should retire,” Bakugou mutters. “He’s done enough.” 
“He’s done more than enough, I think,” you say. “But you heroes always give so much of yourselves, going where you’re needed. It’s one of the best things about you.” 
Bakugou looks up at you, tilts his head. 
After a moment, you realize. 
“About you, as in heroes in general!” you say hastily. You’re a liar. You were thinking about him, not All Might, not all heroes. 
A couple knocks at the door save you, and when you move to get up, Bakugou motions for you to stay. 
“I’ll get it,” he says. You sit there, beating yourself up over your slip-up, as Bakugou speaks to the people at the door. You greet them when they come in, watching out of the way as they quickly set the table and arrange the dishes you’d ordered. 
You hardly notice as they leave as quickly as they came, so dazzled by the food on display. 
Bakugou touches your back, and you startle. You look at him. 
“Come sit,” he tells you.
“Okay,” you say. 
The food is delicious, but the company’s even better.
You find yourself talking about all kinds of things with him. 
“Do you go hiking often?” you ask. “You looked pretty comfortable out there.” 
“I like outdoorsy shit,” Bakugou says. “Hiking’s fine. I like mountain climbing best.”
“Mountain climbing?” You tilt your head. “That’s pretty intense. It suits you! I have a friend who’s into bouldering and is trying to get me into it. I feel like that might be more my speed.”
“You scared of heights?” 
“I’m scared of falling!” You laugh. “But with your quirk, I guess you don’t have that worry.” 
“If you want to try bouldering, tell me,” he says. He brings his cup of tea to his lips, takes a sip. 
You blink at him. “Do you know how?”
“Started with it a couple years back and moved on to climbing. Being outside’s better,” Bakugou says. 
“Okay! I’ll take you up on it,” you say, trying to hide the little thrill that runs through you at the thought that he wants to spend time with you, even when the both of you return home. 
You reach for the teapot to refill his cup, and your hand brushes against his, resting on the table. He doesn’t pull away. His eyes lift to meet yours, deep carmine in the low light. 
Before you know it, it’s true night. It’s not so late according to the time, but it feels like it is because the both of you were up early and had a physically taxing day. 
Mid-sentence, you cover your mouth as you yawn, little pinpricks of tears springing to your eyes. 
“Sorry,” you say, just as you catch Bakugou hiding a reciprocal yawn. It’s cute. You don’t think he’d appreciate you saying so, so you hide your smile. 
“You wanna sleep here?” you ask. “I’m sleeping in the bed nearest the windows. The one next to the wall was Rie’s, but they changed the sheets and everything yesterday. It hasn’t been touched since.” 
Bakugou looks at you for a moment. “You good with that?”
“If you are,” you tell him. “And if you’re okay with using the complimentary toothbrush they give out.” 
He snorts. “Thanks.” 
Getting ready for bed at the same time as him feeds into thoughts you refuse to acknowledge. He tells you to get ready first as he takes care of cleaning up the food and dishes to be taken away by the staff. You try to help, but he gives you this stubborn look you’re too tired to fight. You thank him instead and retreat into the bathroom. 
It’s only when you’re both in bed, the lights out, that those thoughts return, make themselves manifest.
The awkwardness you used to feel around him, the self-consciousness about your history, the pressure to keep him at a distance—it’s all faded so much into the background. Instead, your body hums with nerves, with a different kind of awareness. 
He looked at you a lot, today. Whenever you looked at him, he was already looking back. He made himself known with little touches here and there: on your back, your arms, your hands. You thought you’d imagined it yesterday, this morning, but—no. 
You’ve had partners before, both short and long term. That dance in the beginning, that will we, won’t we—you think you’re not imagining it here, with him. 
“Goodnight Bakugou,” you say quietly, in case he’s already asleep. You don’t trust yourself to look at him to check. Seeing him across sheets, soft and undone… you don’t trust yourself to look at him and keep these bubbling feelings inside.
“Night,” Bakugou says. 
When you wake, the sun isn’t even up. 
The room is dark, though it’s in hazy shadows that speak of a coming dawn. 
Blinking sleep away, you rub at your face and turn onto your side to reach for your phone. 
You freeze mid-motion. 
You’d forgotten Bakugou, sleeping in the other bed, still deep asleep. His face is restful, uncreased by a frown, though you can’t make out much more in the gloom. 
You look at him for a long moment. 
Quietly, you grab your phone off the bedside table and get out of bed, heading into the bathroom. You wash your face and brush your teeth before undressing and donning an onsen robe. You pad over to the sliding glass door leading out to the deck and open-air bath and step out. 
A simple shower sits in the corner of the deck, intended for rinsing off before bathing. You stand under the spray, scrubbing yourself down.
You want to use the open-air bath one more time before checking out. You want some time to yourself before you have to face the morning. Soaking in the steamy water, watching the sunrise—it’ll be a nice ending to this vacation. 
Suitably clean, you slip out of the robe, hanging it on a hook on the wall, before sliding into the bath.
It’s so hot it makes you hiss as you sink down, the steam visibly wafting in the air. The seats within the bath are at a perfect height for you to sit sideways in one of the corners, arms folded across the ledge. You rest your head on them.
The sky’s begun to change to a blue, with pink and orange streaking the horizon. You stare out into the distance, blinking slowly. 
You don’t regret spending so much time with Bakugou this weekend. You had a lot of fun, and when the alternative would’ve been a rather lonely couple of days, you’re grateful. You’re happy that you’ve grown closer, when it seemed an impossibility a couple days ago.
Knowing him as you do now—you like him so much. You like what you’ve learned about him, up close.
You feel guilty keeping your feelings from him; you want to tell him, but you’re not sure. You're teetering on the edge—are you reading too deeply into his words, his actions? Does he return your feelings? Or is his interest fleeting, just because of circumstance, likely to fade once you leave this ryokan behind? You don’t know. 
The sound of the sliding door opening jostles you from your thoughts. 
You turn just your head, keeping your front pressed against the side of the bath. 
Bakugou stands there, looking rumpled but forcibly alert. Like a tiger, just woken up from sleep, not sure what’d woken it up. Little water marks stain the front of his shirt, and the edges of his hair are damp, as if he’d washed his face. 
You stifle the urge to smile. 
“Good morning,” you say softly.
He grunts out what could be a greeting back.
“Did I wake you up?” you ask. “I’m sorry if I did.” 
“Y’didn’t,” he says. “I usually get up early.” 
Bakugou looks out over the pond, out at the trees on the far side, before looking at you.
“S’early for a bath,” he says. 
“Wanted to use it one last time while watching the sun rise.” You push your hair away from your face, where it’d begun to cling because of the steam. His gaze tracks your movement, the sluicing of water down your forearm. The bare line of your back. 
His eyes snap back up to yours, but it’s too late. You caught it. 
You watch him for a long moment. Take a deep breath. 
“Wanna join me?” 
He studies you. The longer the silence stretches, the more your nerves fray. 
You swallow, open your mouth to take it back. Maybe you’d imagined the look in his eyes. 
“You sure?” he asks. His voice is raspy with the remnants of sleep, deep with something else. His words are heavy with things unspoken, and you shiver despite the warmth of the water. 
“Yeah,” you say. 
He turns to the shower you’d just used, and you look away as he grips the back of his shirt, pulls it over his head, revealing a tantalizing expanse of skin. The broad breadth of his shoulders, the hard lines of muscle leading to his waist. Old scars, telling of the fights he’s survived, the fights he’s won. 
You whip your head forward, looking away, feeling impossibly warmer than you already are in this bath, steam rising around you. 
There’s the sound of clothes hitting the deck and the water turning on. 
You keep your eyes on the horizon, the peek of the sun over that line, even as you hear the shower shut off and his footsteps approach, even as the water level rises as he climbs in. 
Heart thumping fast against your chest, body tense with anticipation, it takes all your will not to startle when his hand touches your bare back. You shift to face him, and he’s close, so close. Like yesterday, and the day before, but today maybe he’s finally within your reach. 
“This what you wanted?” His hand slides down your skin, and you can’t help but lean into his touch. You reach a hand up to his face.
He stops you, grip encircling your wrist—a familiar motion. 
“Y’gotta say it,” Bakugou tells you. His eyes are molten red with the sunrise, heated. Your breath catches. 
“Yes, yes, wanted this,” you say, trying to move closer, and he huffs out a laugh, the glimmer of a satisfied smile on his lips. 
You look up at him, soft, putty in his hands. He’s so handsome like this. 
Unable to resist, you lean up to kiss his cheek. 
He turns his head as you retreat and kisses you. 
Your eyes flutter shut as your head tilts to press against his lips better. He’s warm. You only realize he’s let go of your wrist because your hands come up to brace against his chest, unfettered. His hand on your back grips your waist, and his free hand comes to rest on the other side. They’re searing against your skin. 
When he touches his tongue against your lips, a request, you open up for him, a door thrown all the way open. He kisses you deep, plundering, tongue sliding against yours slowly, sensually. The sound your mouths make when you part for air is filthy. 
You want to be closer, ever closer. When your chest touches his, nipples hard against his skin, he makes a rough noise against you that has you humming in pleasure. 
Fuck it, you think, and you shift so that you’re straddling his lap. You wrap your arms around his neck, skin to skin now. 
He’s half hard from just a few kisses, pressed against your lower belly. There’s an answering pulse in your sex that has you arching against him, craving friction. His hands slide to your ass, fingers dimpling into your skin, pulling you to him.
His mouth travels down your neck, biting gently here and there, sucking. His hand cups up to cup your chest, thumbs across your nipple. You gasp. 
He kisses you again, drinking you in like he can’t get enough. You’re dizzy with want. 
When you pull back for air, he’s breathing hard, and so are you. His eyes are hazy with arousal. You feel like you’ve been taken apart. 
“We movin’ too fast?” he asks.
You blink at him, mind fuzzy, slow to process. “Hm?”
Bakugou lifts a hand, cups the nape of your neck. His thumb glides against your skin, distracting. All you want is for him to keep kissing you. 
“Said we needa slow down.” 
“No,” you say immediately, and he snorts, lips curving. 
He disentangles himself from you, and the sudden space between you leaves you feeling bereft, adrift. 
He stands, completely unselfconscious despite his nudity and visible arousal, and steps out of the water. You watch as he walks over to where you’ve hung your robe and returns to the edge of the bath. He holds the robe open.
“Let’s go inside,” he says. “You've been in there too long.”
Leaving the bath feels a little like Bakugou’s broken a spell that’d fallen over the two of you. You’re not sure what’s going to happen next, and it makes you a little anxious. 
But he’s right. You’ve been in here too long, and you’re a little lightheaded from the heat. 
With a quiet thanks, you step into the robe, the cloth immediately clinging to your damp skin. As you tie it closed, he rubs his lower half down with his discarded shirt and picks up the pants he wore to sleep, puts them on. Then he opens the sliding door, nudges you inside. He heads to the kitchen area. 
You stand there for a second, unsure of what to do with yourself. You wish you knew what he’s thinking. 
“Hey, c’mere. Drink this.” Bakugou returns with a water bottle in his hand. He gives it to you, then corrals you towards one of the beds. “Sit down, you’re swaying like you’re a damn penguin.”
This startles a laugh out of you, and you shake your head, twisting the water bottle open and taking a drink. Bakugou sits next to you, close, legs pressing against each other. He’s still shirtless, a couple drops of water still dripping down his torso here and there. 
You like him so much. You inhale. 
“I’ve liked you since we were teenagers, though I don’t think you noticed,” you say, avoiding his eyes. Your heart is racing. “I don’t think we’re moving too fast if you don’t.” 
Bakugou snorts. “I noticed.”
You turn your head sharply to stare at him for a moment. He gives you one of his mean little grins that has you feeling warm, self-conscious, because it makes him so boyishly handsome.
Groaning, you cover your face with your hands. “Can you just… find someone with a memory quirk and erase all your memories of me back then? Thanks. It was a super embarrassing time of my life.”
Bakugou takes your wrists in his hands, pushing them down so he can see you unhindered. He leans forward and kisses the side of your head, your ear. 
“You saying it was embarrassing, liking me?” he rumbles against you. You shiver. 
“The way I went about liking you was,” you mutter. He snickers, and you shove him. 
After a halting moment, you ask, “Umm… So I thought you barely knew I existed, before this weekend. What…?”
You’re not sure how to finish your sentence. And you hate yourself a little for bringing this up, for potentially killing the mood. But you have to know if this is just a casual thing or—or something else. You don’t know what you’ll do with the answer, but. You want to know. 
He looks at you for a long moment, considering. 
“Only thing I cared about while I was at UA was being the best,” he says, at last. “After the war—I knew I needed to be stronger, to be strong enough. So much shit needed to change. Didn’t have much use for dating.”
“Right,” you say quietly. The years after the war were hard for Japan. So many systems were dismantled and built anew. Some older heroes lost their faith in what they did; the younger ones struggled with the trauma of what they’d lived through. Everyone, hero or not, had to rebuild their lives.
You understand. And Bakugou’s always been so driven and focused with anything he puts his mind to. He’s been instrumental in shaping what this new generation of heroes looks like. 
Bakugou reaches over, puts a hand on your thigh. Even over the cloth of the robe, his warmth reaches your skin. He doesn’t do anything more, just rests it there. Distracting. Sending goosebumps across your body. 
“You were always around, these past couple of years. Hangin’ around Soy Sauce Face and his girl. But you were always fucking running away. What the hell was up with that?” 
Bakugou scowls at you, squeezing your leg a little, and your mind scatters. It takes a moment to gather yourself and process what he’s asked. When you do, you frown. 
“What do you mean, I was always running away?”
“You tell me,” Bakugou growls. 
When you continue to look mystified, Bakugou’s scowl deepens. 
“Whenever I tried to talk to you, you’d scurry away, like a little mouse,” he says. “Didn’t even get to say shit before you’d be gone, hiding behind Tape Head or his girl.” 
As he talks, puzzle pieces begin to fit together in your head. 
When you’d see him at get-togethers, you’d always worried about how you’d come across to him—that he’d be able to tell your crush on him had endured, that it’d become more. So maybe you overcompensated a little. You tried to play it cool, super disinterested in prolonged engagement, and when you could… maybe you did avoid him a little. 
You didn’t realize he’d notice, let alone be bothered by it. 
“Oh,” is all you can manage. 
He narrows his eyes at you. “S’only here that I’ve been able to really talk to you. No Soy Sauce Face. No Soy Sauce girlfriend.”
“Sorry,” you tell him, meek. “I… I’m gonna die, this is so embarrassing.”
You look up at the ceiling to avoid looking at him. “I was trying to keep my distance because this dumb crush on you never went away. And you were obviously not interested, so I wanted to be respectful. Sorry I made things weird instead.”
Realization hits you, and you turn your head to him. “Wait, so—you are… interested…?” 
Bakugou rolls his eyes. “You think I was going to all these dumb hangouts this past year just because I wanted to be there?” 
Oh. Oh. 
You’re not sure what he sees in your face, but he barks out a laugh. He reaches over and takes your face in his hand, squeezes so that your lips and cheeks puff out. 
“For someone so smart, you can be a dumbass, huh,” he says, and his tone is so warm that you don’t even mind. 
You wriggle out of his grip. He lets you, watching you. Your hand drops to your robe’s tie. You undo it. It loosens on your frame. 
You take one of his hands and slip it under the robe, sliding his hand across your skin. The motion bares you to his eyes as the robe falls open. 
“Not moving too fast,” you tell him, and his gaze is so heated, you feel like you’re burning up. 
Bakugou leans forward and kisses you hard. You open up for him immediately, letting his tongue dart in and tangle with yours. Your arms come up to wrap around his neck as you press closer. He shifts so that his body covers yours, and he slowly tilts you back so that you’re lying across the bed.
You love the feeling of his weight on you. You arch up to put pressure against his cock, steadily hardening, and he grunts against your mouth, grinding down onto you in an instinctive motion. 
When you part for breath, he mouths at your neck, biting gently. You squirm, can only clutch at his back. 
“Bakugou,” you say, and his name’s half air.
“S’Katsuki,” he tells you as his lips travel down your body. He takes your nipple in his mouth and sucks. His hand comes up to tease the other one, squeezing, groping your chest. Your legs tighten around his waist, grinding against his bare abdomen, seeking friction to soothe the heat in your sex. 
Bakugou pins you, stopping any motion. He lifts himself up a little, and you whine. 
His gaze drops to your lips, kiss-swollen. His eyes warm, go half-lidded. “Y’hear me? Say it.” 
“Hmm?” You’re so far gone, turned on out of your mind. You just want him inside of you.
You try to press against him, but he pins you with hands on your hips. 
“It’s Katsuki to you,” he says, and you shiver. You put your hands on either side of his face. 
“Katsuki, please,” you say, and you only get a glimpse of his curved lips before they’re on yours again, swallowing you up. 
He gets you fully out of the robe, tosses it aside somewhere. When you wordlessly push at his pants, he takes those off too. 
Skin to skin friction has the both of you so worked up. He’s so hard against you. You want to touch him, so you do, hand wrapping around him and stroking the silky skin. 
He groans, and you’re on fire. 
But Bakugou grips your wrist, stops your caress. He repositions your arms so that your hands are up by your head. 
“You keep them there,” he tells you as he moves down your body, and before you can ask why, his fingers are grazing over your clit, thumbing at it. 
You arch, gasping, and he teases his fingers over your slit, feels how wet you are. He massages slow circles into your clit, and you’re clenching inside, wanting. 
“Please,” you say, throwing an arm over your face, overwhelmed. Bakugou huffs a laugh against your abdomen, pressing a kiss there. He pushes a finger inside you, stretching you. He’s gentle, going slow and paying close attention to your reactions to see if anything hurts.
But he’s going too slow—it’s not enough. 
“More,” you tell him. “It’s okay, more.” 
So he adds another finger, and your pussy flutters around him as he begins to loosen you up, pumping them in and out, curling them when they’re inside you. You’re so slick that your sex makes a filthy wet sound as he plays with you. 
“Fuck,” you say, mind splitting apart. You kiss him, messy, and he just feels so good. It’s such a pleasurable stretch when he adds a third finger. 
When he takes all of his fingers out, your body chases him, arching. You’re so close. 
“Katsuki,” you begin, just as he puts his mouth on your clit and sucks. 
Your entire body shudders, and he licks up and down your slit, tongue dipping inside you. Your hips begin to undulate as you begin to peak, your hands gripping the sheets on either side of you. 
You come as his tongue flicks at your clit, gasping your pleasure. 
He wraps a big hand around your waist as you ride it out, mouthing at your inner thighs. 
You’re breathing hard, little shivers going through you in tiny aftershocks. Bakugou comes back up the bed, wrapping his arms around you. You immediately turn your head for a kiss, tasting yourself on him. 
His cock’s still so hard, pressed against your leg, your ass. You’re not done yet. You want to make him feel good. 
You reach down and take him in hand. It’s so big with how turned on he is, just from giving you pleasure, and it twitches in your grasp. His hips jerk, searching for relief. 
“Want you inside,” you tell him, and his eyes are searing. 
You shift so that you’re on top of him, pussy pressed against the line of his dick. He’s throbbing against you, and it’s a little mean, but you grind your hips down on him, moving so that he slides up and down your slit. The tip of his cock slips over your entrance over and over again, pushing in a little but not quite. 
Bakugou grips your waist with two hands to halt you. You bite your lip to hide a smile. 
“Brat,” he growls, dangerous.
In answer, you take him in your hand and position the tip of his dick right at your entrance and slowly sink down. 
His eyes drop to watch his cock enter you, inch by inch, and his grip on you is nearly bruising, fingers indenting your skin. You’re still sensitive, clenching around him, but you’re taking him so easy because you’re still wet from your orgasm. 
“Fuck, you’re so good,” Bakugou says, and he says it so low, guttural, that you tighten around him. The look on his face is working you up; it’s an intoxicating expression of desire.
You begin moving, lifting up and down on his cock. His eyes are cloudy with want as he watches you on top of him, you with your tits bouncing. He reaches up to cup your breast. Leaning forward, you kiss him, and his answer is hungry as your pace quickens. You pant into his mouth. 
But you think maybe you’re not going fast enough for him. He’s careful with you, but looking down at him, you can tell he’s holding back. 
So you stop, lift up off of him, let him slip out of you.
“Whatever you want,” you tell him, and his next movements are so fast.
Bakugou lifts you up off of him and presses you back into the bed. He takes your legs, spreads them so they’re straddling his hips, and he’s back inside of you with a hard thrust. Gripping your waist, he chases his pleasure, slamming his cock in you over and over again.
The sudden intense friction against your walls has you climbing that peak again, and you clutch at his back. As if sensing it, he slips a hand down between the two of you to massage circles into your clit. He catches your moan in his mouth. 
“Katsuki,” you say, just as you begin convulsing around him, feverish, nails digging into his skin. 
“Fuck, you’re so—” he growls as you continue to tense up around him, fluttering, and then he’s following you over. You can feel his warmth as he comes in you, his big body coming to rest against yours. He kisses the side of your head, your forehead, your mouth. You smile against him. 
Sleep comes for the both of you, for a while. You’re not sure if it’s been minutes or hours when you come to, but when you do, soft morning light floods the room. 
You jolt up in a panic. Looking around, you search for your phone. You move to get out of bed when you don’t immediately find it. 
“Where the hell’re you going,” Bakugou grumbles. He throws an arm over your waist and mouths at your hip.
“We gotta get packing, Katsuki,” you say, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. “Or at least I do! I’m checking out this morning.”
“Stay another day,” he says, voice a little growly and his eyes closed, and you stop. “I know you’ve got a shit ton of leave saved up.”
“And how would you know that?” you ask. You put your hand on his head, thread it through his blond hair.
“Tape Head said you haven’t taken off in forever,” he says. 
Bakugou opens his eyes, looks up at you. He presses a kiss against your skin. Bites you gently. 
“Stay with me,” he tells you.
And what else can you say but yes?
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Final Notes: And we're done! Thank you all of you for following this little labor of love to its conclusion. 💖 Bakugou's birthday fic's finally completed, over a month after the fact.
A couple things! Some of you caught on to the fact that Bakugou being at this onsen ryokan at the same time as reader was a little fishy—you were so right. Sero, Kirishima, and Kaminari gifted Bakugou the reservation for his birthday, knowing that you would be there with Rie, knowing Bakugou's been interested in you for a while now. (Bakugou knew something was up immediately after he saw you at the ryokan.) Rie having to leave was purely coincidental, but it turned out to be a happy coincidence!
(I love you guys; the comments you left last chapter and the conversation you guys were having with each other made me laugh.)
The location for the hike is based off Fuji-Hakone-Izu National Park, specifically the Mount Amagi hikes, with a lot of creative liberty taken.
I think the only Japanese used here was a mention of onigiri, which are rice balls with a seaweed wrapping with various fillings inside.
Once again, thank you for reading! All your likes, reblogs, comments—I appreciate them so much. Hugs and kisses, and until next time! ✨💞
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