#see so much of myself in both of them

[fairly-local-fairy]

Alex in the sense that I think I’m too much and everyone secretly hates me so I have to preform at top capacity to receive love and keep the peace for those around me. Henry in the sense that I’m too gay to function.

[sysig]

Blind side (Patreon)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

[makiswirl]

can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest

like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!

[denzartriste]

Before

“…Hullo.” Technoblade says. It feels odd, speaking carefully like this. His hands are dirty – filthy – stained – bloody – as he puts a hand to the little creature’s head. Human-ish head with triangle-ish ears.

The creature, sunken eyes so deep Techno think’s they’ve gone black, holds out his hands Technoblade’s to take.

He does. They’re dirty hands, but Technoblade chooses kinder words for once. The hands are tough with dirt and dots of injuries. They aren’t bloody, the dots of red come from a sewing needle.

Hands – tough. passionate.

The creature holds onto him.

secure. scared. fearful. So tight around his thumb.

After

‘Mentor me’ Tommy had demanded. Techno, now trailing behind instead of in front, doesn’t think Tommy knows what mentoring is.

He’s holding his sword wrong. Techno tells him as much, but he doesn’t care enough to correct himself.

“Why do you want to do this, even?”

“To be like you. Why else?” Tommy says like it’s the simplest thing in the world. To him, it may as well be. To him there isn’t much of a world outside the forest or Techno.

Techno sighs, Tommy smiles.

Techno smiles, too. He’s already been smiling.

Techno hopes Tommy finds a better reason.

for u @epicaxolotls

[mewkwota]

This is the 20th time Dr. Hikari's son passed by here.

I've made it a soul mission of mine to visit Yuichiro any time I can in every game. So the people working at SciLab will be seeing Lan -A Lot-. (I'm doing it for Lan, obviously. Let him see his dad.)

[theredcuyo]

"Why would you do all of this for me even after all i did to you?!"

"Because i love you, the you that it's really behind all of it, the you that you fight not to show to the world but that i've seen before anyway"

Is such a raw line that i asure you, if it's present in a fic, not necessary letter by letter, but in sentiment, then that's a good fucking fic

Wheter platonic or romantic

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

You ever think about how in spite of knowing their exact locations, the game never gives any indication that templar Carver has reported his mage sibling, Merril (a blood mage) or Anders (an abomination) to his superiors?

I do think about that a lot, even though I tend to ignore the Templar Carver route because I know Warden Carver to be true in my heart and soul... but I totally get the appeal of Templar Carver within DA2's narrative, y'know?

It's so fascinating, really. I've never played a run with Templar Carver, I just can't bring myself to do it, so I know I'm missing out on smaller details of it. From what I do know, this drives me crazy in the best way possible.

Deciding whether to bring him or not to the Deep Roads is such an important choice, not only because it affects his fate, but how it affects his relationship to Hawke. He tells you that he wants to go, he makes it very clear that it's important to him that he goes, too... and Hawke can just leave him behind and it hurts him. I don't think that registers enough with some people just because of how Carver is, like it doesn't matter what Hawke's motivations are [staying behind for his safety, not wanting to bring him, thinking someone should stay with Leandra, etc] it still hurts him because it tells him that Hawke doesn't need him, and Carver wants to be needed.

And yes, there are other contributing factors to why he joins the templars, but it doesn't matter what your relationship is to him, it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't turn Hawke or his companions in.

Sure, the meta reason is it's a video game and you're playing the main character. You're never in any actual danger of being captured by templars, and you're not going to lose your companions to them that easy.

But if we look at it through the narrative and Carver's character, that's when it gets interesting. You can max out his rivalry and be an utter asshole to him [there's a point where you can call him a brat and mock him for being stuck in your shadow, like Hawke can be real cruel about it] but it doesn't matter, you're still his sibling. He even makes a remark about how you might not know what that means [referring to leaving him behind] but he does. He refuses to kill Hawke in the end when Meredith makes the order, too.

Which can I just point out that Hawke has the option to let Bethany die in the end if she's with the circle and they side with the templars? Just saying, Carver NEVER does that no matter what, but Hawke has the option to betray Bethany like that and it's fucked and interesting and it makes me want to eat my chair-

As for Merrill and Anders, I think he knows that if he turns either of them in, then the chances of Hawke being brought in as well skyrocket. They're all friends, they're in the same group... bring one in, and you'll probably get the other two.

I also think Carver just genuinely likes Merrill. Yes, I'm a Carver/Merrill shipper, so I have a bias, but even if you remove anything romantic from their dynamic I believe that's true. Of all the companions, Merrill is the only one who doesn't make fun of him, or find him annoying, in party banters. He never snaps back at her, like he's never defensive with her, he's just a little awkward and nice.

Like, HE'S SO NICE TO HER! He tries to find common ground with her! She asks him about "swording" and he's taken aback by her saying he's good at it, but you KNOW that if someone like Anders asked him the same question, he's be all, "shut up, you're stupid, stop talking to me >:["

Think back to that banter Carver can have with Aveline post-act 1 where they're talking about how the guard wasn't the right place for him [hard disagree with you there, Aveline] and Carver says he was a bit of a tit, wasn't he.... and every companion will agree except Merrill. She doesn't say anything, whereas other companions like Anders will be like "ugh maker YES" and if you have a purple Hawke, they'll go on to other ways Carver was a tit like?? I think Carver and Merrill got along and he doesn't want to turn her in because she was nice to him! And she's a blood mage! He knows what will happen to her if the templars get ahold of her! He doesn't want to see her made tranquil or killed!

At that point, he's witnessed what bad blood mages can do, assuming you've brought him along for those quests, but even so. He knows Merrill isn't like that and he likes her, so of course he's not going to turn her in despite that being his literal duty.

Then there's Anders who Carver doesn't like. If you're in a romance with him, Carver will tell him that's why he doesn't turn him in but c'mon Carver, you know that's not the only reason. My theory is Carver may not like Anders and he knows the man's got a spirit of justice inside of him... but Anders also runs a free clinic. If he's ever taken in by templars, then so many people [including a LOT of Fereldan refugees] will be without free health care and will suffer for it. I think in Carver's eyes, Anders might be irritating but he doesn't more good than harm. Carver knows first hand how shitty refugees and poorer people are treated in Kirkwall. Anders' clinic is the one place they can go for help and actually get it, and he's not going to be the one to take that away because the templars say "magic bad."

So yeah, I'm not as informed about the Templar Carver route, but I do think about how if I did do that route, he wouldn't betray Hawke or their companions no matter what and what that says about him.

[smokestarrules]

Suletta saying love me. love me please. I’ll do anything. I’ll kill for you, I’ll listen to you, I love you. love me and let me stay. vs Miorine going hate me. hate me. I need you to hate me because I love you. I need you to run away, to stop loving me, to be safe. hate me and it will be worth it in the end. hate me and leave. (Suletta saying love me, please love me, please don’t leave me)

[tiny-feisty-gay]

man we all know charlie had an emo phase but I really wanna explore the possibility she wasn't always the charlie we see now. she wasn't always gentle or kind or optimistic and all of those things are hard-won after battling the opposite. that maybe at some point, bitterness and anger and spite started eating her alive and she changed for herself first. that her kindness is selfish at its root, that her altruism is self-serving above all else, because if she kept on the same path, there might be nothing else left of her. and at some point it stopped being about her and started to be about others.

and as a bonus? this version of charlie would pair perfectly with a version of vaggie who wasn't always guilt-ridden, who truly believed in her cause. who was lethal and ruthless and loved what she did because she believed and ultimately it was what did her in. who had truly never hesitated before that child, because extermination wasn't just a necessity, it was a game. entertainment.

idk I just. I love their dynamic already so much but the contrast of charlie becoming optimistic for herself vs vaggie developing guilt and shame over others, and both of them finding the harmony between those extremes?

[neos-schlond-poofa]

UGH GARROTH HAS BEEN ON MY MIND LATELY BUT MAINLY HIM IN MY REWRITE which i REALLY need to organize one day but. i feel like aphblr appreciates hearing about rewrites a lot so. ill just ramble a bit.

i accidentally made one of garroth's core themes in the rewrite fatherhood.

firstly, he was the most positive male figure that vylad and zane had in their lives. as he got older, he felt more and more protective of them, he didnt want them becoming like his father, the same man that garroth is the splitting image of. he cant repeat the sins of his father, he has to make them better.

but then vylad literally dies and zane becomes an evil priest. so great. he failed.

and then he has to be in an arranged marriage?? not cool. so you know, he fakes his death, so does his arranged marriage fiance, and now theres a huge war, and hes hiding in a run-down village with the help of his former friend from a neighboring village. and he becomes close friends with the lord's secretive wife. she doesn't go out much, she much prefers to stay inside and read her books.

and one day, it blossoms into more.

garroth hates this. a secret relationship with the lord's wife? but, he loves her. and she loves him. their nights are filled with conversations of guilt.

and then, she tells him that she's pregnant.

they stop seeing each other, she hides her pregnancy from the village, her husband is enthusiastic. he's unaware of what's going on, and nine months pass and their child is born, the citizens of phoenix drop blissfully living their lives, not knowing a future lord had just been born. an illegitimate child.

garroth can't care for his son, and he never even learns the name. she stops visiting him, and it hurts him.

but althroughout this time, a young man named zenix came across phoenix drop. probably around eighteen years old, no more than twenty. scarred and traumatized from something he never told garroth about.

and so, garroth takes him in, and treats him like a son. he trains him to become a guard and garroth feels content. he's finally succeeding at this. he's helping someone become a better person! he's an important figure in someone's life!

and during this joyous period of his life, the lord is killed, and his wife is missing. the village was never told about the child, and chaos erupts. garroth and zenix must take control of the town as people begin to leave. garroth mourns the son he never got to connect with.

one day on patrol, a lady runs into the village, seemingly insane and claiming that a weird hooded figure was watching her and so she chased them. garroth and zenix helped her out, and out of the kindness of her heart, decided to repay them by completely helping the village out. this lady who barely even had any memories, who couldn't read or write that well, who was still learning about the history of the world, had taken the struggles of the villagers and put them into her heart, channeling their frustrations into constant work to rebuild the broken village.

it's going well, until, all of a sudden, a villager is attacked in the night and is near death. she saves him, and garroth decides to investigate what happened.

and then he is shot.

by his "adoptive" son.

pain of all types soar throughout garroth's body. he failed again. whatever he did with zenix, it wasn't good enough, and this was his karma.

and yet, he lived. and the knowledge of his failures followed him around as he tried to do any action for months. he hoped it would get better.

then one day, aphmau discovers a child at her door. a baby, one that can't even crawl yet. she discovers a note; his name is levin. she cares for him and brings him around the village, and garroth, in spite of his previous failures of being a father figure, vows to help the woman he loves raise a child, that unbeknownst to him, is his own biological child that vylad saved.

garroth has his suspicions as levin grows, but brushes it off and takes it to be a coincidence. he helps zoey, an elf aphmau had become close friends with, raise levin when aphmau went on her journeys. he taught him how to call aphmau mom!

aphmau has a journey one day and that day turns into weeks. garroth and laurance, his closest friend, search for her and discover she has adopted a ghost child and found another guard. a guard the similar age of zenix.

garroth is hesitant, but warms up to dante, and he and laurance act like father figures to the young guard without intending to. it comes naturally for garroth; laurance just follows his lead. and of course, garroth helps with aphmau's new child. he's making a difference again, he's helping!

and then, an illusion fools him and he falls into a depression. it hurts. he shouldn't be like this, he is supposed to be strong. he is the head guard. yet here he is, letting his emotions get in the way.

he wouldn't mind if laurance and aphmau got together, but to see them do so in private? knowing very well his feelings for both of them? it hurts. they must know what they are doing, there is no other way.

a mysterious lady comes by and offers to help garroth. over time, his memory becomes blurry until he ultimately blacks out. he lacks any autonomy now and attacks laurance. he causes his closest friends to be transported to a dangerous alternate dimension... all because of his own emotions. and to make matters worse, that lady wasn't just someone to help. it was someone hired by zane. the first person he failed to save.

the lady is killed and laurance's words cut through the spell cast on garroth. he has no idea what is happening, but he knows its his fault. he did something bad. and when a portal appears, he urges for them to go on as he fights off zane. he couldn't leave zane there; someone had to stop him from escaping, becoming more powerful, or even achieving what is basically immortality.

the minute that passes in the dimension until his rescue is daunting. flashes into another world where he reunites with aphmau give him hope, but they stop. and he loses his faith. there is no more zane could gain from being in this dimension, if anyone were to open the dimension, they would easily be able to attack him, no unprepared person would dare to do such a risky thing.

and so, he lets zane hit him. a deep cut in the back causes garroth to scream in pain, and he's close to dying.

aphmau returns. she heals him in their world, and he lies about his intentions, and returns to fighting his brother.

little does he know, laurance and aphmau had a few too much to drink one night recently, and made decisions they regret. they won't dare to tell him until much later, they can't risk hurting him, especially in such a vulnerable moment.

the guilt eats them alive. it is worsened by laurance's growing shadow knight urges. they're becoming borderline uncontrollable. its a living nightmare. he can't imagine hurting aphmau, no. he loves her. and he realizes that if she keeps worrying about garroth, she will hurt herself.

he comes to a decision.

he finds a way to open the portal and saves garroth, but costing the lives of himself and zane in the process. garroth is unconcious; he sees a glimpse of laurance, but is unaware of his death until he wakes up. he doesn't believe it, he wants to run, but he can't. his body aches. he's trapped.

aphmau visits him once before retreating to her bedroom for the next few weeks. they both go silent. they couldn't imagine losing laurance, yet here they were.

as garroth gets better, zoey allows for people to visit him. and there, he sees dante for the first time.

he's gotten much older.

there's barely visible wrinkles and blemishes on his face. someone he viewed as a son has aged beyond garroth and it's hard to handle. was this how laurance felt?

and then he sees levin.

he gets it now, this was his son, and he missed his life too. he failed. it hurts all too much, how dare he let his emotions get the best of him. if he had just talked to someone, maybe everything would be okay now.

aphmau eventually drops the news to garroth once they both got better that she's pregnant, and laurance is the father.

he's not mad.

he's broken over the news.

not over the fact that the two people he loved the most got with each other, but the fact that laurance will miss out on seeing his own child grow up, the same way garroth had done with levin.

garroth makes another vow to aphmau. he promises to help raise laurance's kid. he will be there for them.

he won't fail this time.

[riacte]

so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it

[gladiatorcunt]

han solo wants what atton rand has

[leguin]

i did think about richard siken saying there's no such thing as unrequited love, just unrequited desire for probably longer than i should've, but idk. feelings are complicated. 'unrequited' is complicated. i've never felt so consistently failed by language before...

[fluffalpenguin]

the mean girls of duel academia

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 9 thoughts

this day had aspects which i did not care for, which is why i am hoping that the thrilling tale of mulder escaping a gulag will bring light and warmth to my heart.

author’s note, post episode: i need answers i need answers i need those slugs destroyed. this episode vastly improved my day and i remembered the simple joys of being alive, such as watching silly TV shows where the characters have an indescribable bond. truly a pleasure to be alive despite it all. scully and mulder, you have shown me such wisdom.

excellent moments for both scully and mulder in this one, which i treasure deeply, and also their together moments made my heart soar. genuinely a good ep!

let us gather to watch this tale!

we begin with a “previously on the x files”. i really hate that shot of mulder squished under that wire cage; it’s deeply unpleasant and i imagine so was the filming experience.

after that, we journey to a convalescent home in florida. now. the last time we went to a convalescent home, i have tried very purposefully for forget what went down. so my expectations here are low.

someone just waltzed in at night and is looking at the old people sleeping with a flashlight.... is this allowed? it probably shouldn't be. is she looking for someone in particular? 

she finds auntie janet and says it is time, he is waiting. now what does that mean?!?!

so she takes auntie janet out and there is some man that she’s in the car with?? he’s hooking auntie janet up to various chemicals. she says she’s tired of the pain and the doctor-y figure puts the green stuff into her. ah, i see what is going on here, as auntie janet hugs this woman and says she is her angel of mercy. 

so it looks like she died, but instead of just dying and that being it, there are oily slugs coming from her nose and mouth. which…. i mean, it’s better for them to come out in a controlled environment and after her passing, right? that seems ideal, all things considered. except for the fact that the oily slugs will now crawl into these people, so that’s a bummer.

HEY! the changed the text after the intro. “E PUR SI MUOVE” <- is that latin? hold on

i didn’t want to figure out what the whole phrase meant because that was part of the fun!! but in trying to figure out if “muove” was latin or italian or portuguese or something, i learned what the whole phrase meant and that it is significant for being uttered by galileo. darn! well, if i had to learn it before i wanted to, you shall too, i suppose. although i imagine if you read this blog, you’ve seen all this before. hmm.

we are in st. petersburg. FORMERLY LENINGRAD! but no longer at this point. someone is knocking at an old russian guy’s door. a young gentleman tells this old guy that “the cold war isn’t over” 

damn. still rings true in 2024. 

and also he gives the old guy an envelope. 

mulder is sleeping in a jail cell. he’s very tucked into that corner. it's adorable, in a certain way. someone is whispering to him. mystery other prisoner guy who can speak english said that he has been lying there for hours, and that the first time (referring to his alien injection) is “bad, very bad”

he calls this alien injection the “black cancer” that lives in the rock. this mystery man used to be a geologist! he was there when they found the fragments! woah... a rock guy... and look what they have done to him :(

okay, so this black cancer comes from the tunguska rock. got it. i am tracking the lore.

so at least hundreds of people have died here, and they seem to be searching for a cure to the black cancer after they inject it into their test subjects.

well! it is almost comforting that maybe both scully and mulder will die horrific early deaths, but at least together, right? because. the actual cancer that she probably has. and the weird creature in his veins now. they’ll have each other, i guess?

sighs. this is not providing me much comfort.

“i’m not gonna die. i have to live long enough to kill that man krycek” <- YAAAAAS i cheered!!!! his dogged determination has now been set to bloodlust mode!! hey, whatever keeps you alive!!!

mystery man sneaks mulder a shank he made over two weeks. that is a very dedicated thing to do, and even more profound to spend all that time and then give it to someone else. “it is wonderful- the persistence of life” damn…. bro has me thinking…. life really IS a gift, huh

back to the USA, where scully is tending to the mysteriously ill dr. sachs, who if you need a refresher, was the guy who was cutting into the mystery rock before he was mysteriously paralyzed. his blood looks a bit thickened (gag) and also there is something in there. EW!!! EW 

EW NASTY WORMS ATTACHED TO A GLAND IN HIM?!?!?!?!

no no no don’t care for that thank you!!!

in virginia, some people get on a bus, including an old man who is eating an apple. they are going to charlottesville. 

also there are some horses. the apple man snuck onto a farm with horses. IS IT GONNA BE THE WELL-GROOMED MAN’S FARM???

is it the russian guy??? well, he introduces himself as “vassily peskow” which seems to answer that question. 

(in googling this to make sure i spelled his name right, i saw that he has something to do with "the syndicate"- is that the official name of the group i have been referring to as the UN alien people for 3 seasons now?!)

he is speaking to the woman who we earlier saw give that stuff to auntie janet, but he has come to see her! her name is dr. charne-sayre, and while i know nothing about her besides her willingness to euthanize her aunt, she seems to have handled a strange old man showing up and touching her horses quite well, because personally i would be throwing hands.

OH!!! HE STARTS CHOKING HER?? the horses are neighing with fury. 

what… did i just see…

scully! at home!!! so pretty….

skinner is behind her!!! he is MAD! he has been trying to get ahold of her all day! well, she was busy??? cut a girl some slack???

he says she owes him some answers about this mystery pouch. he is maaaad! he has to testify tomorrow!! he harbored a known felon!!! ooo he’s gonna get in troubleeeee

she very calmly explains that the pouch has a rock with some sort of creature in it that she has been trying to figure out all day. she handled his anger quite, well all things considered. never forgetting to say “sir”.

but she doesn’t know where it was supposed to be going. HOWEVER…. skinner does! it was going to dr. charne-sayre!!! 

scully knows who this is!! because she is a nerd. said with heart eyes. dr. charne-sayre is a virologist, who has looked in on presidents and also is an authority on “variola viruses” which means something i’m sure, but it’s a mystery to me

OH! it means smallpox! she has been trying to get people to destroy the last remaining smallpox vials. 

(WAIT IS THAT A THING?? is humanity really keeping some smallpox in some bottles somewhere???? i need to look something up after this and the adjust my levels of panic for biowarfare accordingly.

GOOD NEWS! wikipedia says the last vials were finally destroyed in 2015! that feels like it took too long...

wait. just kidding. it highlighted an irrelevant part of the article. another page says they are still out there, the ones in atlanta and russia that scully refers to in the episode. i feel no relief after all.

the ones that WERE destroyed were 350+ vials of smallpox that had just been lost????? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN???

damn. i need to go down a rabbit hole later that is going to teach me some unsettling things)

anyway, skinner breaks the news that dr. charne-sayre was killed, but blames it on a horse. and i saw what went down and it did not look like any hooves were involved, so idk how tf they came to that conclusion. a choking and hoof marks are not at all comparable??

back to da gulag. a guy kicks mulder and leads him out with a bunch of other men. i find myself wondering about all of the extras there that day, how the filming went. 

UH OH! krycek is up smoking with one of the bigwigs of the gulag!!!! what is he DOING??? the geologist prisoner who gave him the shank says mulder has one chance to kill him, and he pulls out his weapon. OMG HE’S RUNNING FOR IT!!! does he stand a chance?!?

that dude is absurdly fast bro. he gets two solid punches into krycek and steals a truck!!! where is he going!!!

horse vs truck race!!!! who will win??? i hope it’s the truck!!!

so he knocked krycek tf out and took him on the bed of the truck... that is hilarious

i hope all the other prisoners break out too :)

okay, the men on horses are shooting at mulder. krycek wakes up and is slamming the back of the truck. what i want to know is where mulder, who has a famously terrible sense of direction, is driving!!!

he’s trying to hit the brakes but it’s not really working!!! and krycek jumped off!!!! where does he think he’s gonna go 😭😭

no!!! mulder crashes the truck!!! ouch ouch ouch!!

well, instead of resolving that plot line, we jump to the well-groomed man (am i using his name right?) chatting with cancer man in the dark. cancer man bullies him for smoking, as if we don’t only know him as cigarette smoking man or cancer man, but well-groomed man is pissed at cancer man’s various failures!! and wouldn’t you be??

oh!! that person riding the horses- dr. charne-sayre- was well-groomed man’s personal physician! there’s some weird tension between these old men now that he needs the help of cancer man to figure out what went down

“were you sleeping with her?” csm asks, making us all uncomfortable. and well-groomed man doesn’t answer!!!!!!!! EW!!! nasty!!!! he put the mission at risk for his personal pleasure!

damn. hate when cancer man is right about things.

well, i guess they’re both flops at their job. that should unite them rather than pull them apart. 

cancer man asks well-groomed man (and that is definitely going to get confusing quick) to call off "the investigation", which he says he cannot do. but senator sorenson is an honorable man. do we believe him?

i do not. 

somehow, cancer man knows mulder was captured in tunguska and has escaped. i don’t know how this plays into their plan, but cancer man is smirking. suspicious... i hate his creepy smirk.

okay, back to russia. we see the truck that mulder crashed and a bunch of blood on the window, which are not auspicious signs. but no one is in there!!!! the men on horses are baffled!!!

krycek is in the woods, being surrounded by a bunch of people and speaking in russian, claiming to have escaped from the prison camp. they realize from his clothes he is lying about being a prisoner, but they believe that he was accused of spying and take him in?? i guess??

OMG!!! mulder was hiding under a ton of leaves while the men on horses looked for him!!! it was giving a real peeta in the 74th hunger games moment.

so, now we are where we started last episode, with scully swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help her god. and she is reading her prepared statement. people are passing notes as she does so. and then they are rude as hell and cut her off. 

skinner is watching all of this go down, and as she tears into the culture of lawlessness, he does look like he kinda wants to die. but i think she’s serving. 

OMG!!!! they’re taking her to jail!!!! she said idgaf i am NOT giving up mulder’s secrets and that is a REAL ASF FRIEND!!! she’s in jail in her kickass outfit and omggggg what a queen… crossing her arms as she stares out the window…. i love her so deeply 

back to russia, where some guy finds mulder under a ton of leaves, and yells at him for breaking his truck. sorry!! it was an accident. he didn’t mean it :(

the woman he is with is gonna tend to him though, because mulder has that sad puppy dog thing going on. 

she knows some english!!! woah!!! this is convenient for plot reasons and also fuels my determination to keep learning another language so i can be the cool side character that saves the day at least once.

she says that they kill everybody for “the test”, and that her husband makes deliveries, so they spare their lives. but now, no truck…

mulder says we need to get tf out of here, the smallpox scar is tracking you. she says there is an alternative, and gestures to her son with no arms. i do not think this is a good alternative. and the husband comes back in with a knife!!! are we gonna have some hand to hand combat…….

krycek is sleeping by a fire, but then a bunch of people come and get him. one of them has a heated knife!!! are we in amputation mode…

oh. he sure is screaming as that knife is going in… yes, it appears we are in amputation mode

scully is in jail, reading the works of dr. charne-sayre, because she is studious even behind bars!!!! i love that about her. highlighter in hand as she ponders. 

skinner comes to see her! “you holding up?” “i’ve got plenty to read” awwww :( skinner cares about her :( big old softie :( and she is gonna read her way through jail :( she’s just so :(

she clarifies that this is NOT just about mulder!!!! this idiotic commission is wasting time asking about mulder and not about the pouch, the murder, the rock, or anything ACTUALLY RELEVANT at all!!! 

“it is my experience that lawyers ask the wrong questions only when they don’t want the right answer” DAMN what kind of lawyers has she dealt with…? probably plenty in her FBI time. but still. she has seen things.

“it is my natural inclination to believe they are acting in the best interest of the truth” aww… she wants to assume the best of these obviously very shady men

“but i am not inclined to follow my own judgement in this case” <- she said y’all are so god awful not even my natural optimism can salvage this (and i love her for knowing her limits)

skinner makes a remark about following mulder’s judgement instead and i can’t tell if he was trying to be hurtful or not…

back to dr. sachs, dealing with his rock induced injury. NO! the russian guy vassily is here! with a needle!!! what does he need that for??? go away!! i like that rock scientist!!

he’s getting this orange fluid in a syringe and he sticks it into dr. sachs and BLEH i cannot look…………. but the slugs!!! the oil slugs!!!!! 

NO!!! he takes the rock and unplugs the machines dr. sachs was on!!! HE CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS 💔

cancer man is explaining that vassily was in the KGB… “how could this be? how could the russians know we were working on our own inoculation?” asks well-groomed man, “six of us knew!” 

an anti-alien vaccine! this could be useful,,, maybe? idk.

cancer man is tasked with finding vassily… but he says someone might save him the trouble

cut to scully back in front of the fancy congress slash senator slash corrupt government people…. she has had time to think about the question she was asked.

and she says she cannot answer! she keeps listing off things she can answer instead, but not about this!

OH! MULDER APPEARS!!! “answer the question miss scully!” (mulder voice) “what is the question?”

YEAHHHHH THAT’S MY GUY!!!

HER REACTION TO HIS VOICE… the little orchestral flourish… his beat up face… his stupid smirk. wait i have to rewatch this. LOOK AT HER FACE WHEN SHE SEES HIM!!!

she says that the death of the doctor was connected to the death of the man in skinner’s apartment, and dr. charne-sayre FOR SURE knew information about the virus. and while i am happy for her triumphant moment, skinner walks in and whispers something to her….

dr. sachs has died under suspicious circumstances!!

this is obviously very important, but in the background you can see mulder say something to skinner, and he reacts as if deeply annoyed. lmaoooo we are soooooo back!!

the bigwigs on the council go to recess, and the absolute MILLISECOND that gavel is slammed, these two nerds JUMP UP to see each other, it’s so cute oh my goshhhh it is for sure making my list of favorite moments this season

AWWW AND THEY HUG AND HE SAYS “good to put my arms around you” OHHHHH MY GODDDD OH MY GOOOOD THE WAY HE’S LOOKING AT HER (and the remark about still having both arms she obviously doesn’t understand yet!!!!)

(screaming into my pillow for a solid 30 seconds before composing myself)

skinner jumps in and says “some other time” when she asks how he got back LMAOOO he has had ENOUGH

scully says please skinner let us go to florida for 15 hours please 🙏 it should be quick but if it isn’t please stall for us please sir…. and he’s all “girl just go and be fast about it” (sternly)

okay! so why florida? because that is where one of dr. charne-sayre’s patients at a convalescent home died of a mysterious virus! yes, as we saw in the very beginning!!!!

NO!! vassily is here!!! can he just wander in?? is that allowed? why are people coming and going from this convalescent home…? is there not a sign in process…?

he’s going for the meds. he pockets some meds and replaces them with a decoy. 

“may we come in ma’am?” mulder asks, shoving his way in <- LMAOOOO god that gag gets me every single time 

so they need to look at the elderly, and scully reports that this dude she just walked up to is dead. and he sees another one with the slugs!!!

these people are test subjects, he says!!! and they have to deal this building right now!!

no!!! vassily was laying in a bed and heard all of this!!! what is this mischievous fellow up to???

mulder says all of this can be traced to one man. and scully…. oh my gosh, the side profile, my heart…… 

IS KRYCEK WORKING WITH VASSILY?

scully and mulder go to visit the leader of the militia they busted krycek with at the beginning of last episode. scully looks so good i’m actually going to gnaw my own arm off holy fuck. that blue trench coat and grey suit combo is lethal.

so this criminal is denying finding krycek in a missile silo, and said krycek came to him. looking for help to make “devices”, and talking about this black cancer developed by the soviets, and used in the gulf war. so how did he get out of the silo....

OH! mulder asks where the other “device” (bomb) ended up, and when the militia leader says “i ate it”, he punches this guy in the stomach and puts him in a headlock. and then he says some very out of pocket things i am not going to repeat, but the point is: krycek took the bomb and put it in a storage garage somewhere in terma, north dakota. ah! the name of this episode is finally understandable!

“scully, get on the phone and get the license numbers for any two-ton trucks stolen in north dakota in the last six months, then call canadian border authorities and have them stop any vehicle fitting that description” (said while gazing into her eyes)

(this line killed me for some reason and i can’t even explain it… just such an odd series of commands out of context!)

“someone used krycek, then krycek used us; someone who didn’t want that rock in american hands” ah. so this whole thing has been a set up. you see, i was too busy thinking thoughts like “i hope he gets out of the gulag” and also “man, i hope scully doesn’t go to jail” and “look at how they hugged!” to put that together. sometimes i am a simple viewer making no conclusions about the grander plot at hand! sometimes i am surface level! i am multi-faceted!

vassily is gonna put the rock back in the ground under the guise of fertilizer for his tomatoes 

WOAH!!! agents in a helicopter :0 they look so good….

mulder is trying to scream over the loud noise of the helicopter doing its thing, which i imagine had to be an awful time to film. scully wisely just nods her head instead of attempting to communicate with words.

haha his hair is all messed up from the helicopter… hehehehe…

so he’s looking in the truck for any sort of rocks or bombs or whatnot. he sees some pipes… he is forming conclusions…

scully disembarks from the helicopter, and her hair is all messed up too (my heart!) as she climbs over a fence to get into this refinery. one thing about these two is they are gonna climb some fences!

vassily sees this going down and hides…… mulder is reaching into the pipe…. trying to grab the hidden rock… he is covered in oil!!!!

and it blowed up!!!!!!! 

no!!!! scully sees the explosion,,, and vassily sneaks up behind her and puts her in a chokehold!!! he grabs her gun!!! he says he will kill her but he doesn’t want to? and that his work is done. 

damn, now she’s gotta get a new gun……

she’s RUNNING to mulder who is soaked in oil and has barely escaped the explosion. she is picking him up and then… cutscene to more testimony stuff.

GIRL IS HE OKAY???

i love when they save each other <3 i love when they have to pick each other up and drag each other to safety <3 i love the panicked screaming of the other’s name <3 i love the fast and furious assessment to see if the other is okay <3 i just love these things <3

scully has evidence to present: linking a number of deaths to a biotoxin brought onto US soil! and the man who delivered it also died! and that guy was the man who krycek pushed off skinner’s balcony!

“alex krycek, who is missing and possibly deceased” oh i know better than to believe his ass is dead

the council is whispering… 

they laugh at the idea of extraterrestrials, and mulder also comes to the stand… what is he gonna do…

“why is this so hard to believe?” he asks. hey i know you’ve had a rough go of it man, and there is literally an alien slug in your body, but she was doing so well…

oh! he’s going on and on about how obvious it is that extraterrestrial life forms exist!! and you need to understand this or else you are denying crucial evidence!!!

ah, i see now why the opening text. just as galileo spoke of the earth rotating around the sun but was scorned, so mulder speaks of aliens and is met with disdain. and yet, the earth continues to spin, and the aliens continue to be in his bloodstream.

“this is not why we are here today” “then why ARE we here today?” okay parallels i see you!!!

they recess… and cancer man stands up in the back……..

back to russia, where vassily is returning home, insisting he is retired to someone in his room.

OH! IT’S KRYCEK! WHO IS ADDRESSED AS “COMRAD KRYCEK” bro… he is congratulating vassily on a great job 

and omg… he’s got a prosthetic arm… they really sawed his arm off…

back at DC (home) the senator is reading files and passing them to cancer man, who is tossing them in a bin??? presumably to burn??

HUH! so much for an honorable man.

okay, so much happened here. let me go in order of which thoughts are loudest.

first of all… did they know this was gonna be what they did with krycek from the start? just asking because i want to know if “needs to be fluent in russian” was on the casting call for that role or if they sprung it on him later. because that would be wild.

krycek, working with the soviets… huh. interesting implications.

second. the alien!! there is alien oil slug in krycek AND mulder now!!!! what is that going to do to them? are they gonna turn into living flash bangs like that one lady did in that one episode?? is it gonna slowly kill him? will be and scully slowly die together? i can’t imagine such a horrible thing….

third. their reunion…. damn it, it was so sweet. the way they INSTANTLY got to their feet when the recess was declared… the way he wrapped his arms around her…. oh man. oh man. and the smiles… the smiles……..

so far, s4 has not really been my jam. but this episode was really good and has given me hope that soon we shall be cooking with gas, in terms of both very juicy plot advancement and special agent bonding moments. i mean, come on, lifting him out of that explosion while he was covered in oil??! i cannot get enough of that!!!

is he going to hide that he has an alien slug in him?? is he going to be that guy in the zombie movie who acts like he didn’t get bit?? or is he going to be honest and tell her?? will she try to find a cure? wait, does he even know what happened?? because he was knocked out when all of that went down…

and what about scully’s mystery illness!!!! is she going to be okay?? are they going to be terrified for each other??

okay, okay, one thing at a time.

so, there’s an alien virus in a rock that landed on earth during the tunguska event, and the americans were working on a vaccine to protect against it. but somehow the russians knew about it, and that is likely due to krycek, who was a double agent on like three counts. they killed the leading expert on the virus in order to prevent a vaccine from being developed, and have previously used the virus in biowarfare (so i guess gulf war syndrome is alien slugs in this universe?). the guy that krycek threw off of skinner’s apartment was the one who was meant to receive the rock containing aliens, but was killed, and said virus rock was intercepted by the russians, who are having a sort of cold war 2.0 moment. over alien slug virus. which, if exposed to, will eventually kill you; why it killed dr. sachs and not all of the other men who were at the gulag is a mystery. and to try and protect the americans against this virus, the leading expert, dr. charne-sayre was testing on the elderly. and cancer man wants to cover up all of the evidence which scully and mulder have presented linking all of the deaths to the rock. 

okay. i think i got most of the lore down.

i want to know what happens next!!! but i am no fool!! i know we will be given random monster of the week episodes which are also excellent but tell me nothing about the plot!!! and now that we’re dealing with alien slugs, i’m wondering, what about the actual little green men? where do they come in? is this a third type of alien? because we have the little green men we’ve seen glimpses of, sometimes mixed with human DNA; we’ve got the aliens that were clones from that species with the poison blood and can only be killed with the needle to the neck; and then these alien slugs. and also a few other random non-central to the plot alien life forms, like the ones in firewalker and ice.

where is the common thread?? how can they tie all of these up?? would tying all of these mysteries up even be satisfying?? or is it better to let some things be a mystery?? did chris carter have plans for all of this overarching stuff, or was he making it up as he went?

so many questions! but for me, basking in the warmth of their hug is my highlight