#self destructive life choices

[eruden-writes]

Self-Destructive Life Choices - Part 1

Boss x Employee Orc x Human May not continue

This started off as a self-indulgent boss x employee little smut fic - wherein the boss just propositions the employee one day - but went a completely different direction.

Summary: Estrella Marsh has worked for Kizru Vit, CEO and owner of Storybound Publishing House, for five years. For most of that time, she has harbored a crush on him. A crush which she has, effectively, crushed down and refuses to address.

Three months after Kizru and his romantic partner separate, he propositions Estrella to - ahem - help him scratch an itch. Which, in turn, leads to a bigger proposal.

xxx

Stopping outside her boss’s office, Estrella Marsh took a deep breath and readjusted the litany of papers in her arms. An excited apprehension always came with entering Mr. Vit’s proximity. It had been five years since Estrella started working at Storybound Publishing House and her nerves had never deadened. 

Mr. Vit had been the one to hire Estrella as his personal assistant, which was just a more PC way of saying secretary. She answered calls and emails; scheduled and reminded him of appointments; and, less commonly, often read and “red penned” some of the potential manuscripts looking to publish under SPH’s logo. Likely the job should have gone to an actual copy editor or something, but the boss seemed to trust Estrella with the “special” option the most.

Estrella was not sure what made them particularly special, other than the fact they were written by the company’s #1 Best Selling Romance Author, CR Onamai.

Steeling herself as she pushed the door open, she half-hoped he would be gone. It was later in the evening and, since his long-time partner’s departure, he’d taken leaving early without notice. Keeping her head down - certainly not daring to look at the door that once connected Kizru’s office to Ryeleigh’s - she trudged into the office and made a beeline for his desk.

She barely got two steps in when Mr. Vit’s voice greeted her, “Hey, Red, want to help me with something?” 

Her head snapped up, finding Mr. Vit leaned back in his chair. His green eyes on her and his eyebrows raised in an inquisitive fashion.

The nickname he gifted her wasn’t particularly imaginative, coined upon her talent for “red-penning” manuscripts. There was no other reason for it, considering she had neither red hair nor a penchant for wearing the color.

Fighting down the heat of being seen, Estrella moved closer to his desk and placed the stack of documents down. Task complete, she stood straight and clasped her hands in front of herself. “What is it, Mr. Vit?” 

She was careful to keep the curiosity from her eyes when she looked at her boss. 

Kizru Vit was not necessarily someone she had imagined sitting at the helm of a publishing company. If Estrella hadn’t worked at the publishing company, she would have pictured the head to be someone older and bespectacled. Perhaps possessing a distinguished air. Someone no nonsense and particular.

Kizru, on the other hand, was tall and broad with a seaweed green skin tone and features that could be called sculpted or craggy, depending on his mood. His style of dress waffled between business-casual to, on predicted slow days, sweatpants and a tank top. A scar streaked down the right side of his face, turning his right eye a more milky shade of green. Despite the injury, he assured Estrella he could still see out of the eye.

His age was beginning to show in his black beard, peppered with white, and at his white-streaked temples. During her employment, the rest of his hair had subtly shifted from deep black to a lighter shade, undoubtedly becoming lighter with age.

Admittedly, he did wear glasses and at times he could be distinguished. Though thanks to how closely Estrella worked with him, the distinguished air was often undercut by his scatter-minded tendencies.

“It’s been three months since my partner left me, right?” He braced his elbow on top of the desk, leaning forward as his chin rested in his palm.

His position reminded her of a schoolkid, staring longingly at the clock as it inched closer to dismissal time. However, the reminder of his ex almost made her jolt. Ryeleigh, her boss’s ex, had been his romantic partner for longer than Estrella worked at the publishing house. They’d always been pleasant and kind, though professionally distant. Something Kizru could have taken notes on when Ryeleigh was present.

Further, they had always been one of the reasons Estrella had clamped down on the fond thoughts of Mr. Vit, keeping her admiration from becoming more than workplace appropriate.

“Yes, I believe it’s been about three months.” In an attempt to swallow the feelings that threatened to flutter through her, she gave a stoic nod.

Kizru’s green eyes watched her carefully for a long moment, fingers toying with the short beard at his chin. Estrella couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking. Had Ryeleigh contacted him to renew their relationship? Was he considering getting back out into the dating world? Neither of those thoughts seemed like he’d need her input. 

He was a grown man, capable of doing his own research or taking his own ass out on the town if he so pleased. 

“Alright, putting all the cards on the table,” Kizru finally sighed, pressing both of his palms flat to the desk as he leaned back. She noticed how his chair slid backward as his back hit the cushion. “I’m really horny.” 

Her attention shot to his face, her eyes widening at the three simple words. He was horny? Heat churned through her, confused and wary. As much as she admired him, as much as he made something inside her squirm, that was not in her job description. And she wasn’t about to let it become entangled in her professional affairs.

With her eyebrows furrowing and her lips twisting into a frown, she replied, “You have two hands. Use those.” 

“Believe me, I have been. It’s an itch that needs another person to scratch.” Kizru groaned, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling again. He didn’t even have the decency to be flushed at his ridiculous request, Estrella noticed. 

“Mr. Vit, this is sexual harassment,” she sighed, her tone a hard warning. He shouldn’t need this reminder. These words alone could ruin him. Only the fact she liked him and felt grateful for this position really saved him from the scandal.

As expected, he nodded and turned his gaze to her. “I know.” 

“Then why ask me that!” It was more of an exclamation than a question on her part. She was glad she had already deposited the papers to his desk, otherwise they would have been thrown into flight. While not the first time he had spoken openly - unprofessionally - in front of her, this was by far the worst he’d been. Had the break-up really affected him so badly?

He gave a single shoulder shrug, too lackadaisical in Estrella’s opinion. An infuriatingly light grin tilted at his lips. “You didn’t say no right away.” 

“And I didn’t say yes,” she snapped back, trying to convince herself the heat on her cheeks was ruddy anger rather than mortification. Or something worse. “You could get in a lot of trouble for this.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Kizru gave another careless shrug that made Estrella want to slap the everloving shit out of him.

“You are risking your career, your livelihood to scratch an itch, Mr. Vit.” It was only by the gods’ grace that Estrella managed to say the words at her regular decibel, albeit in a ferociously clipped tone. She put her hands on her hips, scowling at her boss. Something in his smile twitched a little wider and, not for the first time, Estrella felt like an old-time schoolmarm being sassed by a precocious adolescent.

Which honestly should not have been the case, given the fact he was older than her. But she had always been an “old soul,” as her mother said. Of course, Estrella later realized that was just a more polite way of calling her stodgy. 

Kizru shrugged as if he didn’t care about the problems his proposal could cause as he got to his feet. Her mind raced, one question rotating around her thoughts. How could he not care? All the while, part of her watched as Kizru moved out from behind the desk, closing the distance between the two of them.

“Are you having one of those mid-life ‘oh no my partner left me so I’m going to make destructive life choices’ moments?” The words would have had greater impact had Estrella not backed away from her boss with his every step forward. She couldn’t risk Kizru getting closer to her. The heat on her cheeks and the pounding in her chest were already distracting enough. Just catching the whiff of his cologne made her knees wobble.

He paused, looping his thumbs into the pockets of his pants as he regarded Estrella. She could only imagine what he saw. A frumpy woman, dressed in her usual black slacks and white blouse and grey cardigan. Dark brown hair so threaded with grey, it was becoming a lighter, dustier, color. She barely resisted the urge to bashfully push her glasses up higher on her nose.

Did he think she’d be an easy lay? Was that why he was breaching the legally allowable parameters of their employer-employee relationship? Estrella tried to let that thought fuel her anger, but a hidden part of her knew it wasn’t exactly incorrect. She had, in her moments of weakness, fantasized about that very breach of conduct herself. 

As if hearing her thoughts, a crooked grin parted his lips, making her insides burn. That particular smile always brought her attention to his tusks, often filed down to nubs. Since the separation, she thought he may have eased off on the ritual, but it was hard to tell.

“Maybe I am being self-destructive or maybe I’m just horny and decided to shoot my… shot with you, Red.” 

Estrella narrowed her eyes at him again, somehow feeling the other word he had hanging on his tongue. His smile twitched, a spark of mischief dancing in his green eyes. Shoot his load with her, indeed. 

“Look, you'll be all within your rights to go to HR about this. You can walk out that door now and I won’t stop you.” He raised his hands, palms facing Estrella in a non-threatening motion. She had to bite her tongue to keep from ogling his forearms, the sleeves of his button-up shoved to his elbow. This situation was not one where she should gawp at her boss. She should be offended and disgusted, on her way to HR right that moment. 

When his next words registered in her head, it froze her thoughts. “But I can smell the arousal on you. I have for a while. Just figured, what with me being single now and the opportunity…” 

Cold shot through Estrella, making the heat on her cheeks burn all the worse. Her wide eyes pinned him with a wild look. “How long?” 

“Excuse me?” Her tone of voice caused him to pause from creeping closer, cocking his head to the side a little. There was a little spark of amusement in his eye, an odd smile barely quirking his lips at the corners. Somehow, he was taking her words down an inappropriate line of thought. 

Estrella swallowed, forcing her tone to come out calm rather than frantic. “How long have you been able to smell arousal on me?” 

She had smashed her feelings the moment she met Kizru with his partner at the holiday party, five years ago. She had shoved them so far down, they were flatter than a pancake. There was no way he could have known. Estrella didn’t even allow herself to dally on her… appreciation of him for too long. A wall had been built!

“Oh!” Whatever Kizru had been thinking had apparently been wrong. The wry grin faded a little as his eyebrows quirked. “I’m not sure. I guess I just didn’t take too much notice of it until Ryeleigh left me?” 

Well, that was a little bit of a relief. Her shoulders eased, admitting that arousing attraction was different from whatever else threatened to stir in her chest. Kizru was attractive and nice. The occasional daydream was natural.

Still, Estrella glanced at the exit, uncertain what to do. He was circling behind her and her heart wasn’t truly looking for an escape. Hells, her mind wasn’t even telling her to move. Being propositioned by her boss wasn’t unappealing. 

“Last chance to leave, Red, before I…” 

Once again, his words roused her from her frenetic thoughts. Her attention snapped back to his face, hating how wide her eyes were as she stumbled back from his approach. “Before you what?” 

Kizru teeth flashed in a broader smile, taking another step closer. “Before I stop restraining myself.” 

x x x

I've written a little bit more to this, but it's only available on my Patreon.

Again, not sure if I'll continue this.

[crepus]

I know Barty pretty often is hc to have been in slytherin (makes sense, pretty easy to pick up the Voldy fanatism) or ravenclaw (he was very smart) I've also sometimes see him as hufflepuff, but

I think we are sleeping on the comedic crack potential of Gryffindor Barty.

Sirius and Regulus are forced to continue seeing each other only bc Regulus way to deal with his feelings is to repress them and have sex with his bf, and his bf lives in the same tower as his brother

Sirius gives Barty the whole 'don't hurt my brother' speech and Barty very smugly is like 'don't worry we use protection'

If this follows canon timeline is extra funny, not even the good guys house could save him from his self destructive daddy issues

[jaevy]

your room was square

i once noticed from there

in your bed, as you slept

and i held my breath

everything had its own place

and i wondered what space would i take

in the order you kept

[vamppvania]

They're still toxic Yuri btw. They couldn't be together in any universe because their mutual obsession would cause them both to make harmful sacrifices for the other. It wasn't necessarily healthy but it was everything. There's no regrets because what matters is that love was there. It was always there. Everything stays but it's still changing.

[suckinitup]

metaphorically i get the removing taylor’s powers thing- and the fact that. yknow. its a good way to make sure she cant get into more trouble, her passenger cant get her into more trouble, and she doesnt draw attention to herself. and she would have!!! if she still had her powers she would keep causing problems!!! keep solving them!! find a new mission and keep Moving. its all neat and tidy, pulling out the rot, removing everything that isnt Taylor and letting her sew the pieces of herself back together. but. in my heart. bug girl cool.

[bunnyb34r]

I need life to slow the fuck down bc my skin is starting to hurt real bad from all this picking :/

[bloodigutz]

do doctors genuinely realise that this is an impossible question to answer.

[unopenablebox]

i wish that the work retreat dance party every year did not remind me that i think [faculty member redacted] is really hot

normally i don’t think this bc he’s kind of a dick to his trainees but in a stupid work event dance floor setting i am instead reminded that he’s pretty and gay and a kind of terrible but earnest and dedicated dancer

all of which just is hot imo

fortunately when we return to the real world i will cease to think this because i will instead be distracted by my moderate disapproval of his performance as a manager and my perplexity at the choices he makes for his lab space

[killed-by-choice]

Carol Cunningham, 21 (USA 1986)

Carol Cunningham was a 21-year-old college student when she underwent a legal abortion in the late summer of 1986.

Carol became extremely depressed after the abortion. Just a few weeks later at her home in Albuquerque, she went into her garage and closed the garage door. She started her car to commit suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning and died on August 22, 1986. Three days later, someone found her body in her car, but it was far too late.

A young student with her whole life ahead of her had experienced unbearable mental anguish in the weeks leading up to her death. Carol hadn’t known in advance about the mental health consequences of abortion. Had she been given resources that would actually help instead of abortion, she could still be alive.

New Mexico Certificate of Death 092443

[paint-tastes-ok]

no one can convince me that hanahaki isn't an absolute banger of a fanfic trope. it's beautiful and symbolic and forces characters to either come to terms with their feelings or die ignoring them! a lovely setup for introspective character exploration with the added bonus of (often) horribly grotesque bloody flower petal imagery! as ✨ aesthetique ✨ as it is angsty!

[homostacis]

just discussed a theory about why kris is blue in the dark world and its made me realize how unfortunately biased this community (including myself) is towards theories that engage with deltarune on a meta-level rather than an emotional one

[devilatelier]

-

[hurricanejane]

Dean is so toxically mad at Sam for not fighting harder for him when he goes to purgatory. And I agree?!! I am also mad at Sam?

[phoenixcatch7]

Just got all the memories.... Brb I'm going to curl up and cry now. My girl...........

[perfcell]

Excuse me Mr. Perfect, I have a question. Do you ever feel as though you truly have free will, or do you feel like a puppet forced to obey your "programming" and feel as though you have your own will?

Have a nice day! 😊

❛ oh please. this is all me. ❜ he gestures to himself, a very content placement of his hand on his chest. and then he gestures to his surroundings, somehow trying to encompass everything he's accomplished so far with just a single sweep of an arm. ❛ sure, i was created with a specific purpose in mind but i found it... well, quite beneath me. ❜

can grudges be programmed and transferred through glass? the supercomputer that spoke to him deemed it important for him to know - you will have power / you will have strength / you will defeat our enemies. he internalized the first two statements, yes. but the last one-- something got lost in the translation. after all, there are no our enemies. there are just HIS enemies, CELL'S ENEMIES.

and he likes to think there's only one master of his fate ( him, of course! ) -- but he doesn't speak about the hunger that pushed him out of his glass tank in the first place. the same hunger that made him do the impossible and quite literally bend the time itself to his need. you will be perfect, said the machine. cell didn't understand why in order to become that, he had to be starved first.

but he survived that. he could not die imperfect. and if you asked him why, he'd have no answer.

is that programming? maybe in the same sense as cicadas are programmed to molt. an overwhelming desire to discard the current body or else.

at least cell had the benefit of knowing what awaited him on the other side of his husk.

he thinks it was a benefit.

[thelandisntinhospitable]

found out the hard way not to listen to any of my friends’ advice I fkn hate all of u