#seriously chrome is stupid and evil

[handless-horseman]

Also the reason you can't take screenshots on Netflix isn't because they're being dicks it's because of something called Hardware Acceleration. Basically Netflix is drawing to your screen using your GPU but your screenshot program reads the screen using your CPU, and never the twain shall meet. Of course, you can screenshot games and other GPU using programs so I'm sure the streaming platforms prefer it this way, but the upshot is this:

You can screenshot streaming services if you turn hardware acceleration off! It's a setting in your browser and you'll have to restart it but then you can screenshot away!

“To protect their copyright, streaming sites do not allow for screenshotting of any kind.”

Hey remember VHS where you bought a box to plug into your tv and you could legally record whatever was playing and then own it for free forever

[adventures-in-mangaland]

Another Dead Boy Detectives Fic Rec List

Netflix sucks and I'm sad, but the Dead Boy Detectives fandom continues to be awesome, so here are some more very quick fic recs!*

Tonight's the Night You Fight Your Best Mate's Dad by Opossum_Subatomic

Everyone's Alive College/University 5+1 things fic featuring Charles bringing Edwin coffee and slowburn payneland. Also Family/Wedding Drama involving Everyone Thinks They're Dating so acute is verges on Fake Dating. This author is seriously fantastic, everything they write is gold.

You should also check out Kissing Lessons, which is a high school AU that does what it says on the tin while also giving non-binary Monty and polyamory.

Ornithology by Rosie447

Monty gets a job working at Tragic Mick's. This one's not actually payneland, being gen and Monty-centric. I know, gasp. It's a fantastic and very sweet exploration of Monty discovering his sense of self post canon and works as a great metaphor for recovery from toxic family/relationships. Also, the ex-animal solidarity and bonding with Mick is lovely.

what some circumstance stole by Chrome

The Sandman crossover featuring Edwin and Hob being kidnapped and tortured together. Their friendship is really wholesome with eventual Father Figure and Found Family Feels for the whole agency and background Dreamling.

dandelion wine (life and death in summertime) by world_wanderer

Payneland Right Person Wrong Time AU in which neither of them die but they still meet and become friends. The May/December friendship is sweet but tragic, with a bittersweet ending. Superb.

Mirror Image by Anonymous

Charles' afterlife gets taken over my an evil shape-shifting doppelganger, leaving him with plenty of time to regret never talking to Edwin about his feelings. Angsty but with Feelings Realisation and the Power of Love and Friendship vibes.

my healing needed more than time by babyseraphim

Case fic with de-aged Charles! Baby Charles is precious but be prepared for discussions of childhood trauma/abuse.

The same author has also written I'm So Aces at Babysitting, which is a really cute two-chaptered AU featuring Charles and Edwin babysitting the kid versions of each other, with bonus Crystal and Niko doing the same. It's very wholesome and the author writes little kids really well.

Pouring into me by tragedy_machine

Love me some "Charles wants to date Edwin to figure out his feelings but gets turned down" fic. Feelings are hard, OK?

thank u, next by KiaraSayre

Edwin fucks and Charles seethes. It's very funny and also features some interesting worldbuilding with the Fae.

Like We've Never Known Hurt by dearheartdont

Just cute established relationship PWP and praise kink. So good.

all of these hollows by handwrittenhello

The boys are alive again but sans memories. Can they still find each other and prove their devotion to the Night Nurse?? While also evading heavenly and hellish forces trying to keep them apart??? Very interesting concept executed well.

Suo Gân by emryses

The agency takes on the case of a traumatised Edwardian ghost searching for her missing baby... Read it for Edwin family feels.

Where Primroses Bloom by PantryJesus

Reading aloud as a love language and Watership Down feels. Idk, I'm now convinced that Edwin is kind of rabbit-coded with the whole "if they catch you they'll kill you. But first they must catch you" thing. A lovely well written fic.

I'm so sick of online love by Hse11z5

College/University AU where the boys meet through a dating app. It's cute.

you can have the best of me, baby (and I will give you anything) by aletterinthenameofsanity

Again, it's the Friends with Benefits but with real feelings and mutual pining for me. Now has a Charles PoV companion fic.

True Love's Kiss by Asidian

In which Charles curses himself with a Sleeping Beauty enchantment in order to confirm his feelings for Edwin and Crystal is the real MVP. I love this one because the boys are both SO stupid but in very different in-character ways.

I also recommend Promised, in which they kind of play the Green card angle to keep Edwin out of Hell? Which honestly needs to be more of a trope. And Tight Quarters, starring the boys trapped in a magic circle, leading to Forced Proximity induced Feelings Realization (in more ways than one! 😉).

Something I Can Turn To by DontOffendTheBees

I love some domestic fluff, in this case as an Everyone's Alive/Childhood Friends AU in which the boys are poor but happy living together. I liked how they both survive their respective traumas, but Reality Ensues.

I also recommend Lived My Whole Life Before the First Light for a lovely but melancholy Soulmate AU that goes for the "seeing colours" trope for extra wistful angst.

Dining at the Ritz by TerresDeBrume

Meeting the Parents fic in which Edwin's parents are awful and Charles is Not Having It. This has Everyone Thinks They're Dating and autistic Edwin stimming representation, plus discussions of racism, classism and ableism. The fic is also part of a great Modern AU series in which the boys attended St Hilarion's at the same time and Charles saved Edwin from a non-supernatural but still almost deadly prank. Highly recommended!

The Case of the Couples Retreat by juliasfanart

Listen, I can't get enough of undercover fake dating/relationships at a couples retreat, OK? Some minor angst but overall very cute and fluffy.

acu (aysar cinematic universe) by ObsessedWithFandom

The agency is hired to solve the mystery of Charles' death and bring his killers to justice. I'm genuinely obsessed with this series; I love its OCs and Charles having an exboyfriend gives Edwin a fun crisis. Plus haunting Charles' killers is very satisfying and cathartic. Just imagine they're Netflix execs, y'all.

*Not actually quick, as it turns out. 😅

I love doing these lists because I always think I've only got a few recs and then I look back over my recent bookmarks and I've got a metric ton of great fics to rec. You guys are so talented. ❤️

[tetrakys]

Behind the Mask

This is the story I wrote for BV zine. It’s set in Eldarya around episodes 16/17.

---

The moment I stepped outside HQ, I felt like I’d been teleported to a new, magical world. Again. This time no mushrooms had been involved.

What was usually the busy, messy and kinda dirty market square, was now a ballroom out of a fairy tale. Long, scarlet drapes surrounded the area, giving it an air of sumptuous elegance. Small flames floated in the air, looking like sparkling chandeliers. Musicians played strange instruments that reminded me of violins and flutes of my world.

But nothing surprised me as much as the people. Everyone was impeccably dressed in amazing gowns and suits, their faces covered in colourful masks. Alajea and Karenn had told me that faeries took very seriously the festivity of Samhain, the Gaelic precursor of our Halloweeen, but I had no idea how seriously.

They’d explained that, when their people still lived on Earth, it was the one night where they could walk freely among humans without fear of being recognised. Human believed that during this night the walls between different worlds thinned and could easily be crossed. They all wore masks and costumes to blend between the faeries and demons they assumed travelled the Earth during that night. Once Eldarya had been created the faeries kept the celebration as a reminder of the life of hiding and fear they’d left behind.

I looked down at my elegant but simple white gown. At first, I thought I might be overdressed with the soft tulle skirt and the tight corset that Purriri had persuaded me to buy. She’d even offered the mask that currently covered half of my face at a discount. Now I was happy I’d spent a big chunk of my savings on this dress, at least I didn’t stand out like a sore thumb.

I walked slowly around the edges of the dancefloor trying to spot people I might know. At some point I thought I recognised Karuto, those horns kinda gave him away, but he looked too busy handling the food to care about chatting with me.

A dancing couple caught my eye. It couldn’t be… yes! Karenn and Chrome! Despite the mask I could tell he’d turned five different shades of red and was stuttering something I couldn’t hear. She looked cute in a blue dress and was smiling at him cheekily. Also, she was leading. I didn’t know what she had in mind, but poor Chrome.

“Mmm…” a soft, smooth voice whispered at my back, “you look lovely tonight my lady. May I offer you a drink? Or maybe you could offer me one?”

I turned around to find myself face to face with a tall, black haired masked man, dressed in a Victorian style.

“N-Nevra?”

“I’m not Nevra, my lady. Tonight I’m the blood-thirsty Count Dracula,” he replied with a fanged smile.

A moment of silence went by while I tried to grasp the situation.

“Let me get this straight. You, a vampire, dressed up as a… vampire??” I asked incredulous.

“Brilliant, isn’t it? This year I’m definitely going to win best costume.”

“B-but… how? Why?”

“There are so many definitions of vampire in your world. At first, I wanted to go with the sparkling one, but then I decided that you can never do wrong with a classic,” he explained. “You humans are so funny. Why would vampires live in isolated mansions, we like to PAR-TY!”

I genuinely didn’t know how to reply.

“Ah you found the kid!” said a falsely rough, deep voice, which belonged to a man with long blue hair, beard and moustaches. “Here is my dinner! Oh-oh-oh!”

“Ezarel? W-what are you dressed as?”

“Mph… you’re so stupid. Can’t you see the bag full of presents? I’m clearly Bluebeard!”

“I understand the facial hair, but… the presents?”

“How could you not know the fairy tales from your own world,” he replied irritated. “Don’t you know that Bluebeard brings gifts to kids and, once they sleep, eats them?”

“I think you’ve mixed up three of four different characters here. Have you even read the fable?”

“Nah,” he replied with his usual big, devilish smile. “Who has time for these things.”

“Wait…” I said, finally grasping the situation. “You just wanted an excuse to wear your fake beard again, didn’t you?”

“BINGO!” he laughed. Since I’d thought him a few Earthling slangs he kept using them whenever he had a chance just to annoy me.

“It wasn’t funny the first time,” I said remembering how he’d tried to trick me into believing that I’d been in a coma for hundreds of years, “and it’s not funny now. Bluebeard is a horrible character, basically a serial killer, he murdered his own wives!”

“Uhm…” he looked surprised. “I didn’t know that.”

“Isn’t the point to look scary?” Nevra said patting Ezarel on the back, ”even though you look more hilarious than scary. Now, Valkyon got it right.”

“Where is he?” I asked scanning the crowd without recognising him. I wished I could chat with Valkyon for a bit, I loved spending time with him, he always made me feel at ease. “What is he dressed as?”

“I’m only going to give you a hint: It’s furry.” He laughed.

“Uh…?”

“You’ll see.”

I was scanning the area looking for Valkyon, when my eyes stopped on someone else. A man, dressed in a dark suit and black cape. He was wearing a white mask covering half of his face and I recognised him as the Phantom of the Opera. I didn't know the story was also famous in Eldarya, but apparently many of Earth's legends and fables had some sort of connection to faeries folklore.

The man was looking at me from the other side of the improvised ballroom, and even from afar I could see his eyes, which were of an impossible light shade of blue. I could tell his skin was dark from his chin and the strong line of his lips, the only parts of his body not covered by his outfit.

He was imposing, mysterious and his gaze completely unnerving.

"We have to go now." I almost jumped on the spot, suddenly remembering I was talking with the guys.

"Why, is something going on?"

"Well, we shouldn't really tell you this but… do you remember the knowledge-eating monster?" Nevra asked.

"The one who ate all the library's books and whose escape I was unjustly accused of?" I replied drily, "I have a vague recollection, yes."

"Well,” he continued, ignoring my sarcasm. “What you don't know is that those monsters come in couples. There was a second book, and we have found out today that it’s disappeared."

"WHAT?" I cried out alarmed.

"Shhh" Ezarel gestured for me to shut up. "You shouldn’t have said anything, Nevra."

"Don't worry Erika, Miiko asked us to keep our eyes open but the book has probably just been misplaced. Everything is going to be fine." 

I wanted to believe him, but it wasn’t the first time I doubted the Guard’s judgment on important decision. Who would ever hide a monster who ate knowledge… in a book… in a library?

“The library is still mostly empty. If this monster really escaped, he would try to eat people’s memories like the previous one tried to do with me,” I pointed out nervously.

“Nah, this one is different, they are complementary. While one erases the stories it feeds on, the other makes them real. Anyway, we must run, see you later.” Ezarel said while they walked away.

I was left dumbfounded, what did it mean that the monster made the stories real? I kept ruminating on that thought for a while until someone broke me away from my thoughts.

“May I have this dance?”

I smiled at Leiftan, offering him my hand as he led me to the dancefloor. A slow, soft music was playing, and I tentatively put my arms on his shoulders, while he held my waist. It was probably the most intimate we’d ever been with each other, but it didn’t feel awkward. It felt right.

“I like the wings,” I said after a moment looking at the white attachments behind his back, “they’re so beautiful, they almost seem real.”

“You look really pretty in your costume.” He said changing the subject, slightly tightening his hold on my waist. “What is it?”

“T-thanks…” I said feeling some heat rise to my cheeks. “Have you ever heard of the white swan? The story is called Swan Lake.”

“No, will you tell me about it?” he asked looking genuinely interested.

“It’s about this princess, Odette, who is cursed by an evil sorcerer to live her life as a woman during the night and a swan during the day, unless she finds someone who swears to truly love her forever.” I explained. “I’ve always loved this story, since the moment my parents took me to the ballet when I was a child. But I… am a little embarrassed to admit that I also cried in the theatre.”

“Oh… is it a sad story? She doesn’t find love?”

“She does. As in many fables, a beautiful prince falls madly in love with her. But there are different versions of the ending. Sometimes love is not enough to save them.”

The music was about to end, but he hugged me closer, almost unwilling to let me go. I felt a little embarrassed and tried to keep the conversation going.

“I’ve always felt bad for Odette. Having to live a half-life, hiding, not being able to be herself completely. It would be so difficult to find true love, someone who could love her real self. What a terrible fate.”

He didn’t reply, as if lost in thought.

“I-I’m sorry, Erika. I… have to go check…” he stuttered after a minute, when the piece we were dancing to ended.

“The library monster,” I helped him, he was probably struggling to find an excuse to keep the secret. “I know. Nevra already spilled the beans. Do you need help…?”

“You’re kind.” He smiled his usual, sweet smile. “There’s no need. Please enjoy the party.”

Bowing down, he took my hand, leaving a small kiss on its back, and walked away.

"That wasn't very aengelic of him," replied a mysterious and somewhat ironic voice at my back. I turned around to find that man, the Phantom. "Running, leaving his dance partner all alone on the dancefloor. But a man’s loss is another man’s gain, may I?"

Without waiting for my reply, he took me in his arms and led us through the next dance. The music was slightly more upbeat, and there was something wild in the rhythm, almost primordial. I was strangely intrigued by this unknown man, there was something familiar in him, but I wasn’t going to drop my guard. His eyes meant danger, and his hold on me felt vaguely predatorial.

"The Light Guard is always busy, even during festivals.” I replied. “Do I know you?"

“Ah yes, the Guard and its mysterious business. I bet they have a lot of important, questionable tasks to attend to.” He commented, ignoring my question.

His answer surprised me. I knew not everyone at the village, and even in the Guard, was a big fan of the way things were handled around here. I knew I hadn’t been most of the time. No one was always vocal about it though.

“Mysterious business? What are you talking about?” I asked.

“We all know the Light Guard is not very forthcoming with the rest of the people here.”

“Yes, but…” I tried to play devil’s advocate. “They have their reasons most of the time… Safety and…”

I noticed then that he had led us to the refreshments area. Breaking his hold on me, he turned towards the pitchers of strange liquids.

“So, do you think the Guard cares about everyone’s safety?” He continued, while mixing odd coloured drinks.

“Of course,” I replied carefully, accepting the amber coloured drink he was handing me. It tasted sweet, almost like honey.

“So, let’s say there was a threat in the City of El, they would share the news with everyone?”

“It has happened in the past.” I pointed out.

“Only when the problem was too evident to hide. But what if that wasn’t the case. Let’s say there’s a monster running around right here, right now. Would they stop the festivities to keep people safe or would they keep up appearances until it was too late?”

I felt my blood getting cold in my veins. An awful suspicion started forming in my brain.

“Who the hell are you? What have you done?”

“A friend.” He simply replied, his lips twisting in a cruel smile. “I’ve done nothing really, except borrowing an old book from the library. Just an innocent prank. A little naughtiness should be expected during this night.”

“But…” I started to protest, looking around panicked. That’s when I noticed something strange was going on. A nearby boy dressed as a ghost, went to grab a glass and his hand passed through it without being able to touch it. He’d become incorporeal. A girl I had noticed before who was wearing beautiful, colourful make up that made her look like an Alfeli, turned into the companion right before my eyes.

“People think that when the mask drops you can see the real nature of who’s behind it, but it’s not true. It’s when you wear a mask and you’re not forced to fit in that you are really unmasked. You can be yourself and follow your instincts, go after what you really want.” I felt frozen on the spot, his words made no sense to me. “And you… what is it that you really want?” He whispered almost seductively in my ear. “You’re welcome for the drink, by the way.”

When I finally managed to turn around, he had disappeared. I didn’t have time to look for him though, because that’s when all hell broke loose. Everyone started turning into the very thing they were masked as. Most people had chosen to dress up as companions or characters of famous fables, but other had picked bolder and scarier options. I could see zombies, witches, monsters of different kinds.

OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod….

I had to do something, but I had no idea of what. Was I about to turn too? It didn’t look like it, I was feeling fine. You’re welcome for the drink he had said, had he given me a protective potion? Why?

It wasn’t time to ask myself questions I didn’t know the answer to. It was time to run.

I took off without really knowing where to go, but soon stopped in my tracks.

I should’ve probably gone looking for the guys, but where could I find them? I knew they had been on patrol and I knew the spot each of them was usually assigned to.

The beach, the edge of the forest, the gardens or the cave.

All these places… I didn’t know what to expect. I knew there were things planned for this evening. I’d heard rumours of a haunted house, a maze and other unknown spooky surprises.

And what if the guys had also been turned? Was it safer if I went back inside HQ and tried to solve this problem by myself? But I had no idea how.

That moment an image popped into my mind. His face. No matter what, I had to find him. It was what my heart was telling me to do.

Now I knew exactly where to go. Without wasting another moment, I started running.

---

This story has 5 different epilogues, each corresponding one of the LIs. 

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Batman and Robin”

Oh God here we go.  Just in time for the holidays...

*externally screaming*

*deep breath then continues screaming*

What’s with these opening credits?

Do they really have to put creases everywhere on the Batsuit?

Is Robin wearing eyeshadow?!?

Hot Wheels:  The Movie

“This is why Superman works alone.”  Oh God, Superman’s in this universe?

My sister:  It’s the Nicholas Cage version.

You gotta have this big elaborate light show to reveal Dick’s motorcycle

Is that Pat Hingle [as Commissioner Gordon]?  God, just go away.

Not gonna lie, I like the makeup they did for Mr. Freeze’s face

“Hi Freeze, I’m Batman!”

The hole left in the wall when Dick crashes through it is the Robin symbol.  SUBTLE!

“It’s the hockey team from hell!”  I mean, yeah.

Random close ups!

Ice skates!

Freeze just threw that guy straight up in the air.

This whole movie looks like it took place in a rave.  Like, what’s with all the neon lighting in an art museum?

I like the bottom of Mr. Freeze’s boots.  At least he’ll get traction

[Mr. Freeze rockets out of the museum] *sings*  If you want to view paradise...

So where does Freeze find all this time to make these contraptions in the first place?

George Clooney’s acting is like a stick:  it’s wooden

If Dick yells “Cowabunga!,” I swear to God...

“Cowabunga!”  Oh my God no

There is no way Batman can catch up to Mr. Freeze in free fall.  10 ft per second, assholes!

The colors in this movie would legit make a pretty awesome commission color palette

Robin was just frozen mid-air?!?!?

*sing songs*  Shaky cam!

Chuck him [the frozen Robin] at the wall!

Matte painting!

What did she (Dr. Isley) just say?

AN:  We’re only 15 minutes in?!?

Is she [Dr. Isley] speaking into a tube of lipstick?

Antonio Diego?

This whole scene with the introduction to Bane looks like something out of Rocky Horror for some reason.  You got a couple weird people in suits watching the whole thing up on a balcony and you got a wacky-ass scientist with crazy hair

That’s.... gross...

Pointing... more pointing!

So dumping a whole bunch of toxins on Dr. Isley is gonna turn her into a psycho plant seductress?  OK...

I like how the security camera zooms in on Victor becoming Mr. Freeze

George Clooney looks way too smug to be Bruce Wayne for some reason.  Grow some hair!

AN:  Oh my God, we’re only 23 minutes in... *whines* this is a two hour movie!

Dutch Angle!

I do like the purple lighting in the lab

*Poison Ivy appears in the middle of the lab from underground*  How?

“My [Ivy] blood has been replace with aloe, my skin with chlorophyll.”

My sister:  Moisturize your skin with my blood!

Me:  MOISTURIZE ME!

Chlorophyll is a pigment.  If her [Ivy’s] skin is now made up of chlorophyll, shouldn’t she be green?

Is Woodrue’s tongue turning green?

“Hell, I am Mother Nature!”  That’s like probably one of the only good lines in this movie.

*starts singing “Mr. Snow Miser”*

I like Freeze’s polar bear slippers!

This mofo [Freeze] is blue!

Why does Mr. Freeze have a cigar?

This whole movie plot is ripped from an episode of “Batman:  The Animated Series.”  Seriously, the episode’s called “Cold Comfort.”

The actress playing Nora Fries looks waaaay too young for some reason.

George Clooney is wearing a turtleneck... for the love of God, wear something else!

“I’m not used to this type of luxury...”  You [Barbara] go to a boarding school.  Shut up!

This looks like one of the streets used in the Batman TV show in the 60s.

That wig Ivy just put on has the Pulp Fiction bangs

Who’s the lady in the pink suit?

Julie Madison?  Why don’t we see more of her besides being a one-off girlfriend?

OK, I like the trench coat Ivy has on

They used the word “primordial” in the script.  I’m impressed.

“... warm-blooded opressors...” Aren’t you [Ivy] warm-blooded though?  You’re human...

Holy crap the makeup on Mr. Freeze without the costume is great

*The costume ball starts*  This is “The Mask” all over again

This is literally the same set they used for the art museum in the beginning of the movie

There’s a dude in the background wearing a leopard-print tuxedo

*mutters*  The hell is this music?

I actually like the eye makeup on Ivy

“I’ll bring everything you see here and everything you don’t.”  Mic drop.

Was that a banana peel sound effect?

My sister:  Yes it was.

“Good night.”  OK, that was funny.

Where is Ivy still there after Freeze left?

*The camera pans up a giant statue*  HANDSSSSS.... TOUCHING HANDSSSS...

Parkour!

Oh my gosh the CGI

Redbird?

REEED ROBIN YUMMMMM

ExPLOsions...

*The Batmobile gets frozen and crashes*  Oh no, not the merchandise!

“We have very little time.”  For what?

Michael Gough:  MVP of the movie

Did they just use a lightsaber sound effect to indicate the end of the flashback?

Ominous green lighting!

They [the Arkham guards] put him [Freeze] in an ice box...

Whoa...

The tile son the floor in Victor’s cell line up to make a snowflake

*Radioactive ghetto people show up*  I would legit go as one of them for Halloween

This movie is just one big sound stage

Where’d she [Ivy] get the seeds from?

George Clooney legit sounds like Mel Gibson’s John Smith from “Pocahontas”

There’s a floating face!

I think that’s actually Coolio

AN:  Yes it is

What is the point of this whole motorcycle race thing?  There’s literally no point to this scene.

My sister:  Did they just really wanna show off the set?

Me:  Well this movie is literally one giant toy commercial so...

That green screen was terrible

“Alfred’s not sick.  He’s dying.”  Well way to whip that out, movie!

You can tell that they put some effort into the characterization of Freeze in this movie.  It’s just surrounded by a bunch of campy, stupid stuff.

“Men are the most absurd of God’s creations.”  Man was one of the first ones, bitch...

I have the Poison Ivy gif of “Not good!”  saved on my laptop

Sorry Freeze, only one person looks good in chrome

*Freeze freezes the pipes to make them explode*  Well that was quick

Liking the statues of the absolutely ripped dudes on the fireplace mantle in Wayne Manor.  Schumacher, I see you.

*Batman opens up the secret bookcase in Freeze’s old lair to find Nora*  IT’S MISTER WHITE CHRISTMAS, IT’S MISTER SNOW!

I like that there’s a convenient lever from “Heat” to “Freeze”

*Bane beats Robin*  I was wondering what would break first:  your spirit... or your body!

“Why are all the gorgeous ones homicidal maniacs?”  Point!

Oh there you go.  Commissioner Gordon actually did something in this movie.

Is that slime?

“I’m [Dick] going solo!”  But not Han Solo.  He’s not cool enough to be Han Solo

My sister:  He’s whiny enough to be Ben Solo

Me:  Except Ben Solo was written better.

Oh, Ivy’s green boots are awesome

Freeze’s eyes look orange in this scene

“First...” Gotham!

“Gotham!”  Then the world!

“And then... the world!”  Haha!

“Adam... and Evil!”  BOO...

OH MY GOD- oh, that’s Bruce.  OK.

*Bruce and Dick argue over Ivy’s influence over them*  It’s called pheromones, guys.  Everyone has them.

What the... heck was that transition?

Oh I like that dress Ivy’s wearing...

Slow... motion...

Ellie Macpherson (Julie Madison) kinda looks like Jennifer Garner

Oh just smash it [the Bat-signal] in!  You don’t need to actually lift it up!

I just realized what’s wrong with George Clooney in this movie:  it always looks like he has a five o’clock shadow above his top lip

*Bruce hugs Alfred*  Aaawww!

The signature on the portrait wasn’t there a second ago!

*cracks up at the computer saying “Access Granted”*

Why is a telescope powered on crystals?

“... will you trust me now?”  *in best angsty teenage impression*  No, because he’s [Dick] got his eyeshadow on!

OK. Arnold’s evil laugh is getting there.  A little more work then he’s got it

*Barbara puts on her Batsuit*  Eeewww... eeww!

How the hell did Ivy set up her evil lair?

“Hi there.”  *in best George Clooney voice*  Hi Robin, I’m Ivy!

“How about ‘Slippery When Wet?’“ 

*actually has to collapse backwards on floor to laugh*

My sister:  Her eyeshadow’s awesome

Me:  She [Ivy] looks like a drag queen!

My sister:  It’s the eyebrows!

*Robin peels off his rubber lips*  WHAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?

Oh my God, look at her [Ivy’s] bangles!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait!  They rewound the tape when Robin resurfaces from the pool!

My sister:  *sings*  My name’s Blurryface and I care what you think...

*Ivy’s plants suddenly eat her*  ...Why?

Oh she’s not dead.  OK...

*Camera pans up giant statue*  Aaaabbsss... Schumacher loves them...

*Random person in telephone booth gets frozen*  NO, NOT THE TARDIS!

NO, NOT THE DOG!

He was frozen mid-pee though.  Youch.

WHAAT IS THIS?!?!?!?

Why do all the Batsuits have silver accents now?  Unless the silver bits are just snap-on attachments...

*sing songs*  Free-zing... freezing the city!

PLAnets...

My sister:  Now I just want the planetarium fight from “The Great Game” to happen

Me:  Oh my God... we should watch that instead!

My sister:  Right?!?!?

You seriously could take any shot from this movie and all the colors in them would make up an awesome color palette

*Dick unleashes the grappling hook at the last minute and successfully latches onto something*  I CALL BULL!

Where the hell did he [Bane] come from?!?

AN:  Oh God we’re almost done with this movie YAAAAYY!

*Bane literally deflates*  Eeeewwww!

Oh my gosh, that 1997 CGI though

[Some of the ice in the city proceeds to melt]  *sings*  Here comes the sun...

*Mr. Freeze lets out an evil chuckle*  What a story, Mark!

Oh my God, that green screen though!

*The Bat gang manages to get rid of all the ice covering the city*  This... is bull... shit.

The ice actually wiggles on the cop car door!

THERE IS NO WAY BATMAN GOT THAT FOOTAGE OF IVY!

I call bullshit on this whole movie!

Oh, and he [Freeze] just had the cure [to Nora and Alfred] on him the whole time?

OK, I actually liked the music for that scene.  What the heck?

OK, for being a man-hater, Ivy, you’re pretty obsessed about one.

“Winter has come at last.”  Game of Thrones did it better.

The official catchphrase for this movie:  Hi [insert name], I’m [insert other name]

HEELP!  THEY’RE CASTING FOR BATMAN UNCHAINED!

*in best Batman voice*  DON’T MAKE ME PUSH YOU DOWN, O’DONNELL [Robin/Dick]!  I’LL DO ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF THIS FRANCHISE!

[i-w-p-chan]

(You Should) Expect the Unexpected

Summary: You should always expect the unexpected. Even if it's the Vongola Sky ring rejecting Tsuna. ESPECIALLY if it's the Vongola Sky ring rejecting Tsuna.

Note: I just had to do it.

Alt. title: 'LET'S PARTY!'

WARNINGS: Shameless Self-Indulgence (AHAHAHA), Crack, Not To Be Taken Too Seriously, Written In A Couple Of Hours, Tsuna Snaps (You'll Understand), Xanxus Is As Sane As Could Be, Slight Blood Mention At The Start, Tsuna Advocates Reborn's Suffering, Pole Dancing, Mentions Of Nudity.

Disclaimer: I don't own KHR~

.

Tsuna wore the Vongola Sky ring and stared at Xanxus, who scowled at him, "Just fucking do it, trash."

Tsuna breathed in deeply and focused on the ring, pushing his flames towards it like Xanxus told him.

Xanxus stared intently at the civilian brat, observing how the Vongola ring sparked before glowing briefly.

In all honestly, part of Xanxus, a very tiny (microscopic, even) part, expected the ring to accept the brat, Primo's descendent, over Xanxus, a bastard the ninth picked up from the streets. And so, Xanxus was somewhat surprised when the ring sparked again, and the trash's eyes widened before he coughed, blood splattering to the ground and staining his blood.

There was a collective shocked silence as everyone digested what happened: the ring fucking rejected Sawada Tsunayoshi.

The brat shook, breathing heavily as he stared incredulously at the ring. Xanxus gave him, such a soft civilian, a little credit for not dropping to the ground from the shock and strain.

The trash stared at Xanxus, clumsily taking the ring off and throwing it to Xanxus.

"You- you try." The brat's voice shook, thick with emotion, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears.

Xanxus stared dubiously at the ring; it fucking rejected Primo's blood in the brat, what would it do to Xanxus?

Xanxus threw that particular thought down the drain and put the ring on- nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The ring sparked, glowed, and then burst into flames; the fire burned steadily on the ring like it belonged there.

Xanxus stared, almost uncomprehending, as no pain or injury was inflicted on him by the ring.

The silent atmosphere was even more shocked.

The ring… the ring accepted Xanxus.

There was a sob.

Xanxus stared at the brat, who had continuously maintained that he didn't even want to become Decimo, yet here he was, crying over being rejected by the ring.

His constant refusal of the boss position was definitely a ruse-

"Heh."

Xanxus scowled at the brat, what now?

"EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEE~ I'M NOT DECIMO!" The brat crowed, the look on his face broadcasting his sheer joy to the whole world, "I'M NOT DECIMO! WHOO! LET'S PARTY!"

The brat dropped to the ground, unconscious, his fatigue and pain clearly catching up to him.

Not that Xanxus cared; he was going to fucking be Decimo! He had his own party to make, involving him and multiple bottles of alcohol.

.

The brat ("Tsuna." Sawada Tsunayoshi said, his eyes staring at him unsettlingly) apparently wasn't just talk when he said 'let's party' that night, and had every intention of partying wildly for a week straight.

Xanxus would know because the brat- ahem, Tsuna, insisted on dragging him to the party every time.

"You're the guest of honor, after all." Tsuna had said, beaming, "All of this-" He gestured at the Sawada living room, "-is possible because of you entering my life."

The room was chaotic, there was music, there was food, there were drinks (though nothing alcoholic, mama's orders), there was even the bastard Iemitsu staring blankly at the wall.

(The last one was the entire reason Xanxus allowed himself to be dragged into this mess.)

There was the escaped convict, Rokudo Mukuro (who, apparently, wasn't an escaped convict anymore, Tsuna had chirruped and talked about how he convinced the Vindice to let him go. An early birthday present for Chrome, he had said. Xanxus did not want to know).

There were Vindice guards following Tsuna around as if he was God or something (again, Xanxus did not want to know).

And of course, there was Sawada Tsunayoshi.

"Heeeyyyy Xanxus." Tsuna latched onto his arm, peering up at him, "Do you have any parties to celebrate the new boss after they're inaugurated?"

"There's a formal ball."

"You mean to tell me that you don't have any wild after parties with food and alcohol and strippers?"

Xanxus carefully schooled his expression and stared blankly at Tsuna; were kids his age even supposed to think about such things?

"Why are you asking, brat?"

Tsuna pouted at him, "It's Tsuna. And I was asking because I wanted to pole dance at your celebratory part after your inauguration."

"Fucking trash, you're fourteen."

"So? It'll take a few years for you to officially be declared as boss, right? I'll be like, twenty or something. And I'll make perfect use of the time until then to practice. I'll be like an honorary stripper."

"Tsuna, you know that strippers strip?"

"Yeeesss."

Xanxus stared at the brat, "You have no problems in stripping in front of a mass of people, most of which would be mafiosi at least twice your age."

Tsuna nodded, "I figure growing and embracing an exhibitionist streak will be like a big 'fuck you' to Reborn. Dying Will Bullets-induced nudity won't be embarrassing, therefore 'amusing' to do, if I don't mind it." Tsuna smiled, "Besides, can you imagine his reaction when I do it?"

"Brat." Xanxus was reluctantly impressed.

.

And naturally horrified. The brat was serious about the stripping and pole dancing business.

Xanxus was glad he only knew of Tsuna's training after he left Japan, and the only reason he knew was because Reborn thought it suitable to tell the cause (a.k.a Xanxus) about the situation in excruciating details as payback.

.

What was Reborn even doing still in Namimori and staying with Tsuna anyway?

(Tsuna sniffed, head held high and looking imperiously at Xanxus through the computer screen, "You think I'll let him go before paying back all the chaos he caused in my life ten-fold?")

.

The best part out of the whole situation was the look of unadulterated shock on the old man's and his guardian's faces when they got the news.

.

Best. Payback. Ever.

(If Enrico was still around, he'd have cackled at the situation.

"Straight out of a crack fic!" He'd have crowed.)

.

"Xanxus," Tsuna started during one of their periodic calls, "You would not believe what just happened."

"Let me guess, the Gesso heir paid you a visit."

"How did you know?"

"He made sure to tell Don Giglio Nero that he was going to visit the Vongola Decimo-to-be. And she asked me about it. It seems that he isn't of the select few aware of the change."

"It certainly looked like it." Tsuna changed the direction of the camera to show one Byakuran Gesso sitting on Tsuna's bed, looking catatonic.

"What did you do to him?"

"Nothing. He's been like that since I told him that I wasn't the Decimo candidate anymore. When he asked why, I told him about the ring. That seemed to throw him into deep shock."

"Heh. And how did he know about you? Your identity is on a need-to-know basis."

"He said something about being able to see into parallel worlds but it was confusing and I tuned him out."

.

Xanxus wouldn't meet Tsuna again face to face until the Arcobaleno representative battles months later.

"You're fighting to free Reborn? I thought you were all for his Suffering."

"Oh, I am. It's just that I am the one who will make him suffer, not some stupid curse. And what if the curse caused his life span to shorten? I need to keep him alive for as long as possible to make him Suffer."

.

It took years before Nono finally officially declared Xanxus as Decimo.

(The old man did his absolute best to delay it, taking years to try to change Tsuna's mind. Tsuna declined, each and every time. The ninth didn't give up until seven years and 57743 failed attempts to convince Tsuna later.)

There was an after party. Tsuna held true on his promise of being a stripper and pole dancing at the party (there were other strippers, too, but Xanxus didn't remember much about it as his brain short circuited shortly after Dino pulled out the whip for, ahem, recreational purposes).

.

There was something completely evil about having to work the very next day after the party.

There Xanxus sat on the boss' chair, behind the boss' desk, sore, hung-over, sleep-deprived, tired and staring at the unholy piles of paperwork in front of him with as close to horror as he could muster.

He thought the Varia, a very rambunctious group with a lot of collateral damage and a variety of eccentricities, caused the greatest amount of paperwork possible.

He… may have miscalculated.

The shark trash wasn't helping the situation at all; hovering over Xanxus and holding his sword over Xanxus' head, his dark expression read: Do the paperwork. Or Else.

The door banged open, and a person entered the office. Xanxus scowled heavily at the sudden 'visitor'. It was Suzuki Adelheid from the Shimon.

She walked up to Xanxus' desk, aura and footsteps spelling Doom, Death and Destruction as easily as an unsupervised Varia could.

"Vongola Decimo," She intoned, red-eyes burning with promises of brutal violence, "One of your strippers made away with our boss last night. Male, brown-haired, early twenties. Called himself the Stripper of Honor."

Xanxus inwardly cursed.

(Was it too late to go back in time and make Tsuna Decimo instead?)

.

.

.

Extra: deleted scene-

"Hold my cake, Gokudera-kun."

"I'LL PROTECT YOUR CAKE UNTIL MY LAST BREATH, BOSS!"

"Haha, we got your cake, Tsuna!"

.

End.

I feel just as accomplished as I did when I finished writing Sawada Ie(Yasu/Mitsu).

[juju-on-that-yeet]

When Evil Rears its Head: Chapter 8 - Sacrifice

Oh dear...

Read below or on AO3!

In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea for Yandereplier to take the elevator.

He’s aware of that even before it lurches to a stop too soon, trapping him between floors. But he’s always been too impulsive for his own good, launching into things without a second thought. He hadn’t had a clue where Peevils would go next, and the elevator had seemed like a good place to start. And it had been: Finding Silver there, and recalling Ed Edgar in the doorway of the control room, Yandere could guess where Peevils planned to go next. But then, of course, the elevator had broken, and Yandere is sure that Peevils was the cause.

At first, he can’t do much but scream and curse, venomous thoughts of what he plans for Peevils once he gets his hands on her swirling through his mind. He kicks and bangs on the elevator doors in his anger, like he can break them open with brute strength alone. But they refuse to open, no matter how hard he hits, and he gets nothing but sore fists for his trouble. It’s then that he’s forced to take a moment to breathe, let the red fade from his vision.

He remembers something that happened a long time ago, when he’d gotten himself killed trying to stop a group of humans from hurting Dark. While Dark had gotten out alive, he’d still been injured, and Yandere had felt like a failure after he’d woken up in the clinic. But it was while he was still recovering, laying half-asleep there and kept half-awake by his self-deprecating thoughts, that he felt he heard something. He didn’t see Dark, or even feel him there, but he remembers his voice, whispering something to him:

“If you’re going to be reckless, then at least be strong enough to get yourself out of trouble.”

Yandere, impulsive as he is, has tried to abide by that ever since. He thinks. Obviously, beating on the elevator doors is useless; he’ll have to open them some other way. He looks at the elevator’s ceiling, but he can’t tell how to remove the lights by sight alone. He could try it, maybe use his katana to pry the panel off, but who knows what would happen? He could electrocute himself, and if he breaks the light before he’s finished, he’ll be in total darkness. That option’s no good. Perhaps his katana can pry the doors open? Yandere isn’t certain. He loves his sword, and he couldn’t ask for a better weapon, but this is certainly not what his katana was designed for. He takes it out, looks up the length of the blade, turns it around, watching it glint in the elevator lights. He tests it out, pressing the katana into the crack between the doors. There’s the slightest bit of give, and Yandere knows that if he works at it, he can open the doors with this sword. But he has to go slow and be careful, or else his sword could snap from the pressure.

If there are two things Yandere cannot do, they are “slow” and “careful.” But he has to try. For Dark. For Wilford. For Chrome.

He’s barely gotten the doors a centimeter apart when a high-pitched ringing pierces the air, like the sound Dark’s aura makes but louder, sharper. Yandere drops his katana to cover his ears. His brain feels as if it’s being skewered by the soundwaves coming through his fingers into both ears, but he can hear something even worse beneath them: The creaking of the elevator. When the sound finally ends, the elevator continues to make strange sound for several moments before lurching down about a foot.

Yandere curses. He has to be even more careful now; whatever that sound was clearly caused further damage to the elevator. He’s more frustrated than ever before, but he forces himself to take a breath, pick up his katana from the ground, and continue the slow work of opening the elevator doors.

~~~

Peevils is in the second-floor kitchen and still looking for King of the Squirrels when the strange, keening sound rings out, and she’s forced to stop and cover her ears against it. She hears other sounds, though, just beneath it: The sound of Mark crying out from inside his mind, the frightened chattering of dozens of squirrels, and someone else shouting in pain, unable to keep quiet.

Once the painful sound ends, she grins. She looks around herself in the kitchen, but already King seems to have scurried off somewhere else. This has been his infuriating game; she’s looked in every room by now, but he doesn’t stay in one place for long. Several times Peevils has narrowly avoided something heavy falling on her head; a coffee-maker, a thick book, a glass bottle from the shooting range. But every time she looks up, King’s already gone. How he can stay on the ceiling like that is a mystery to her (and to Mark, as she discovers from prying into his memories of the ego). No doubt King wants to knock her out, perhaps to be able to imprison her somewhere until someone else can get her to leave Mark’s body.

But the game seems to have changed now, as the squirrels, disoriented and likely in pain from the strange noise, all dart in a single direction. Peevils is certain that they’re seeking King out, either to comfort him or be comforted. How amusing that the subjects he wishes so dearly to protect will be his undoing. She follows the creatures out of the kitchen and into the hallway, and she decides to act while she knows he’s in earshot.

“I know you’re here, King,” she says, walking behind a group of squirrels, “You can’t hide from me forever.”

No response, and even when Peevils finds the spot where the squirrels are congregating, in the hallway next to a stairwell, she still cannot find him. Perhaps he’s in the stairwell? Peevils knows that he’ll bolt the instant he hears her put a hand on the door, and quite frankly, she’s tired of this game. But she knows just how to get a rise out of him, and now that she knows where he is and that he can hear her, she’s going to do it.

“You know, King,” she says casually, “I came to your room when I first got here. I just so happened to look in your dresser. I admit, those babies are pretty cute.” She cocks her revolver, letting the sound hang in the air. “It sure would be a shame if they got hurt.”

“Wait!”

Just like that, the door to the stairwell opens, and there’s King, face drawn with panic. Peevils smiles as she feels Mark’s jolt of fear, his wave of horrid nostalgia looking at his own much younger face and knowing what’s about to become of it.

“Don’t hurt them,” King is saying, bravely stepping forward, feet expertly avoiding the tails of the squirrels clamoring around him, “Whatever happens to me, don’t hurt the babies. Please.”

Peevils raises an eyebrow, surprised at how well he’s keeping his cool. He’s afraid, she can see it in his sweaty brow and dilated pupils, but he speaks evenly, and he levels a calm stare at Peevils. Perhaps he’s putting on a brave face for his subjects, who chitter nervously around him, no doubt sensing that something bad is brewing.

“You’ll give yourself up? Just like that?” Peevils asks. She knows she shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, but she can’t help it. King purses his lips, showing his nerves, but lifts his chin with regality at the same time.

“For my subjects, I’d do anything.” There’s something like pride, but softer, in his tone. “Besides, even if I can’t stop you, someone will. If you kill me, I’ll come back. My squirrels won’t.”

“That’s optimistic of you,” Peevils replies wryly, “Assuming someone will stop me. And assuming that there’s an “if” I’m going to kill you. There is no “if.”” She raises the gun. “And, even further, assuming I’m going to leave those stupid animals alone just because you asked nicely.” King flinches but doesn’t break.

“Why would you?” He asks, with only the slightest tremor in his voice. “No one cares about them but me. If I’m gone, killing them doesn’t get you anything.”

Well, he has a point. And Peevils was only able to take so much ammunition with her from Wilford’s room, she doesn’t wish to waste too many bullets. She shrugs.

“Fair enough,” she says, “It’s just too bad there’ll be no one to take care of them anymore.”

“Someone’s going to stop you,” King insists, even as tears fill his eyes, “You won’t get away with this.”

Peevils recalls how Mark had said the same thing earlier today, and so does Mark. He recognizes so well that endless optimism in the face of certain failure, that refusal to lay down and give in to sadness. It’s strange seeing it from the other side, seeing the same feelings that sustained him when he was young and new to YouTube in another version of himself, one locked in another time.

“I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” Peevils laughs.

She fires into King’s forehead and he drops, nearly crushing a few unwary squirrels. The creatures panic, crawling over King’s back and rubbing along the side of his face even as blood pools around his head. Mark dry heaves inside his own mind. Peevils rolls her eyes at him.

“So sentimental,” she mutters, “Just because he looks like you when you were younger doesn’t make him special.”

Mark is too shaken to argue with her, and instead cries silently, trying to shut out her words.

All at once, Peevils sees the squirrels surrounding King’s body turn towards her, casting the stare of a hundred beady eyes onto her own. It seems they’re smart enough to put two and two together, and realize why their beloved king won’t respond to their nudges and chatters. Several squirrels run towards Peevils, ready to attack.

“Seriously?” she mutters, firing at one, then another, then another. The force of the bullets is so strong that their tiny bodies practically explode, their upper halves rendered into lumps of gore that spray towards the squirrels hanging back. Were it possible for Mark to vomit where he is, locked inside his mind, he would be doing so now. The other squirrels, some of which were preparing to charge Peevils, shrink back and cower before scattering. They have to go past Peevils to get anywhere else, of course, since the stairwell door is shut, so they scramble up the wall, scuttling past Peevils before dropping back to the floor to dash away. Peevils doesn’t bother chasing them, instead reloading her gun as they scurry past in a wave of fluffy brown.

“How troublesome,” she sighs as she finishes reloading the weapon, “Thank god that’s over with.”

Now, of course, she has to decide who’s next, but it doesn’t take her long to remember that the Host isn’t the only person who rooms on the first floor. It’ll be easy, she thinks, much easier than chasing after King just now. And she’s already right next to the stairwell. She steps over King’s body and begins her descent, closing the door behind her.

(But the building is wide, not just tall, so of course there are two stairwells, each on opposite sides. Peevils goes down the east stair as Dr. Iplier, Bim, and Google go up the west one. Dr. Iplier’s body has recovered from the jolt of pain, but he wonders who it was that was killed this time, as do Bim and Google. The three find themselves moving a little faster.)

~~~

After they were left alone, Bing and Bop went to Bop’s recording studio like they said they would. The room is attached to Bop’s bedroom, which Bop already locked. He and Bing are sitting inside the recording booth, hoping to conceal themselves further. They’re trying to keep their moods light; Bing plays music, and Bop sings along when he can. Both are afraid, Bop especially, but as seconds tick past the two begin to feel more and more secure.

(But Peevils knows that any half-intelligent person would hide in a soundproof room.)

It’s Bing who hears the hole shot into the door, but only barely, through the studio and recording booth walls.

“Shit,” he mutters, “She’s here.” Bop goes white.

“A-are you sure?” he asks. Bing listens again, and is able to hear footsteps approaching the studio. The room may be big, but he knows they don’t have long before they’re found.

“I’m sure, dude,” he answers Bop, voice quiet. He bites his lip. He has a plan, he’s had it for a while, but he knows Bop won’t like it.

“What now?” Bop asks, voice thick with fear.

“I do what I said I would earlier,” Bing says, keeping his voice as steady as possible, “I go and beat her up.” He pauses. “And if that doesn’t work, I’ll convince her you’re somewhere else.”

“Bing,” Bop gasps, “You can’t. You can’t just confront her, she’s armed, she’ll hurt you, she’ll kill you—”

“Bop, easy,” Bing murmurs, reaching over to squeeze Bop’s shoulder. “I know it’s scary, but there’s not much else to do. I can beat her, I just gotta take her by surprise. And if we stay in here she’ll just get us both.” He pauses a moment before taking off Bop’s cap with one hand and ruffling his hair with the other. “I mean, one of us has to make it, right?” He tries to grin.

Bop is terrified, but he sees in Bing a fear that surpasses his own. Maybe his eyes are shaded, and maybe he’s putting on a brave face (like always, he’s always swallowing his own nerves or panic for Bop), but Bop can’t miss the tightness in his expression, the way his brows furrow, the slight tremble in his body that he can feel from Bing’s hand in his hair.

“Bing, you don’t have to do this,” Bop whispers, “Maybe if we stay in here, and stay quiet—”

“Bop, dude, you know that won’t work,” Bing replies, and he’s right, but Bop can’t let this happen, he can’t let Bing just go out and—

“Bing, please.” Bop takes Bing’s hand, the one still holding his cap, in both of his own. He stares at Bing with wide, watery eyes. “Don’t go. Stay here with me.”

“You’ll be golden, bro.” That’s all Bing says as he pulls his hand out of Bop’s grip and places his cap back on his head.

“Bing, please…” Bop is crying now, and feels frozen in place.

“You’ll be golden,” Bing repeats before getting up and leaving the booth, shutting the door behind him.

Bop whimpers, completely at a loss. Should he stay put like Bing wants? Should he follow? What good would that do? He can hear Peevils too, now, hear her footsteps coming into the studio. Bop’s fear wins out and he cowers into the back corner of the booth, hoping, praying, wishing. He hears words being exchanged, but his mind is so wrought with anxiety and terror that he can’t focus enough to comprehend them. He tries to keep quiet even as tears roll down his cheeks. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the tornado to touch down, caught in the split-second when a singer falls backwards into the crowd and it’s anyone’s guess whether they’ll be crowd-surfing or hitting the floor.

When he hears the gunshot, he throws both hands over his mouth to muffle his scream. It’s not the same painful and powerful scream he made when Google grabbed him, but a low and anguished wail. At the back of his mind, Bop wonders if he could replicate that high-pitched screech now, but again, what good would that do? It might let the other egos know he’s in trouble (he should’ve gone with them, he should’ve gone with them, if he had gone with them Bing wouldn’t be—), but how long would it take them to get to him? How long would he be able to keep it up? All it would do is burst Mark’s eardrums and slow Peevils down but not stop her, merely delaying the inevitable.

Speaking of Peevils, she quickly finds the recording booth and kicks the door open, and Bop finally sees what he’s been so afraid of. Even looking at Mark, it’s impossible not to see Peevils there, in the way Mark’s shoulders roll after the kick to the door, the way his eyes peer at Bop, the way his face twists into an evil grin.

“I knew I’d find you here,” Peevils says, stepping forward towards Bop. If her body language hadn’t already tipped Bop off, her voice certainly would’ve: It’s too high, and there’s a layer of hissing just beneath it. He tries to scoot backwards, but he’s already up against the wall. Peevils laughs at his attempt to get away from her.

“God, you’re a coward,” she giggles as she approaches Bop, squatting down in front of him. “Not a very smart one either. But I guess you’re smarter than your friend there.” Peevils points vaguely over her shoulder. “He tried to convince me you weren’t here. Imagine,” she cackles, “You, MarkBop, not in your sound-proof studio during a time of crisis. And even if I didn’t know a thing about you, Bing is still a really bad liar.” She tilts her head. “Or, was a really bad liar.”

Bop wants to say something, anything, or even scream or cry out, but he can’t get a sound past his lips. He already knows he’s too shaken to speak English, and no doubt Peevils will laugh off any Simlish he manages to spit out. Tears are still running fast down his cheeks, but he’s so paralyzed with fear that he can hardly even sob. He tries to reign himself back, get his breathing under control. He tries to remember the song Bing sang to him earlier. How did it go? They were sitting, they were sitting on the strawberry swing…

“This is really too easy,” Peevils says with a wide, manic grin, “The only one who really put up a fight was Wilford. I’m glad I got him first, because the rest of you are a nice break.”

Every moment was so precious…

There’s the click of the gun, and Bop feels cold steel on his temple. All he can do is whimper and shrink away, but he can’t go far backed into the corner.

They were sitting, they were talking on the strawberry swing…

“No last words from the singing ego?” Peevils mocks. “Too bad.” Bop whimpers again and squeezes his eyes shut.

Everybody was for fighting, wouldn’t wanna waste a thi—

Bang!

The bullet goes through Bop’s head and lodges itself in the wall. He slumps back into the corner as blood leaks from his temples. Peevils looks inside herself for Mark, and finds him in tears yet again. She’d already known he was a crier, but she’s surprised he still has any tears left in his body at all. He’s quiet again as well, not wanting to speak to her and not knowing what to say. Peevils grins to herself as she stands up and moves to leave the studio.

~~~

Google, Dr. Iplier, and Bim reach the second floor as Peevils is traveling down the east staircase. Though they’re on the opposite end of the floor from where King of the Squirrels lies, they immediately sense something is amiss from the squirrels congregating aimlessly throughout the hallway. None of them have paid much mind to King’s squirrels in the past, but they’ve never known the creatures to gather so haphazardly; sitting in random clumps and tittering nervously. All three of them are immediately worried, and they walk quickly through the hallway—as quickly as they can, that is, without stepping on any squirrels. It only takes a few minutes for them to find King, and even from a distance Dr. Iplier can see the line of red zeroes above his head, and knows it’s too late to help him. Bim, though, cannot see those zeros, and runs ahead to King.

“Bim—” Dr. Iplier begins, but Bim either doesn’t hear or doesn’t care to. The doctor shakes his head as he and Google pick up their pace to catch up with Bim.

As they approach, Bim sees something on the ground, yelps, and recoils. Dr. Iplier watches his face turn green as he staggers backwards. He goes into doctor mode like the flip of a switch, and thus doesn’t notice what Bim has seen right away.

“Hey, Bim, easy,” Dr. Iplier says gently, grabbing Bim’s shoulders to keep him upright, “What’s—”

Ah, now he sees. Not only has Peevils killed King, but she’s killed several of his squirrels as well. There’s not much left of them but clumps of bloody fur and red pulp. Dr. Iplier feels a bit sick himself. He only hopes that Peevils killed the poor creatures after she killed King, so he didn’t have to see what became of his subjects.

Bim still looks like he might vomit (or cry, tears for King welling up in his eyes), so Dr. Iplier turns him away from the dead squirrels, keeping a steady arm around his shoulders. There’s nowhere for him to sit aside from the floor, so Dr. Iplier lowers him down, and a few squirrels approach him curiously. Google, meanwhile, can’t tear his eyes away from the grisly scene. At the very least he doesn’t feel physically ill (such a sensation is nearly impossible for him to experience), but the sight of King, older than himself but so much younger physically, and his poor squirrels bloody and dead on the floor doesn’t exactly make him feel good, either. He finally manages to look away and see Dr. Iplier trying to comfort Bim.

“Deep breaths,” Dr. Iplier is saying, “In through your nose, out through your mouth. Slowly, now.”

Bim obeys, and his skin color returns to normal as the sounds of his long breaths fill the hallway. The squirrels around him, while clearly unhappy from what’s happened, stay where they are and sit up against Bim, calming him further. He reaches out a tentative hand to the squirrel nearest him. It sniffs his hand but otherwise doesn’t react, so Bim gently pets the tiny creature, feeling the slinky way it moves beneath his hand. He manages a smile.

“I hate to interrupt,” Google says, “But it’s likely that Peevils is using this stairwell.” He gestures in front of him, past King to the stairwell’s door. “Or she’s just exited it. Either way, we can catch her if we leave now and go quickly.”

At that moment, Dr. Iplier’s heart twists and pain fills his chest. He jumps up from the ground, grabbing the front of his shirt.

“Google’s right,” he gasps, “We have to go, now.” Bim scrambles to his feet, and the three move past King and his squirrels to enter the stairwell.

“Which way do we go?” asks Bim.

“She’s already killed most of the inhabitants of the third floor,” Google says, voice lowering without him meaning it to, “So it’s more likely she went to the first floor.”

“Dammit,” Dr. Iplier mutters before taking off down the stairs.

“Doctor, wait!” Bim cries, dashing after him.

Google feels an I-told-you-so lurking in his chest, but says nothing as he follows the others. Part of him hopes he’s wrong.

Especially when Dr. Iplier stops dead in his tracks.

“Fuck,” he gasps, before running off again. Bim and Google follow close behind, trying not to let anxiety slow their steps.

The group finally makes it to the first floor, and no one needs to ask where they’re going. They reach their destination and find that the exact thing they all feared has come to pass: Bop’s bedroom door is wide open, with a messy hole above the doorknob.

“I’m going to look for Peevils,” Google says, voice hard and cold, “She can’t have gotten far.” He moves away to look before Dr. Iplier can remind him that they ought to stay together. He and Bim have no choice but to step into Bop’s room, and into the adjacent studio.

They find Bing first, laying on the floor with deep black oil around his head. There might have been a struggle, or perhaps the force of the gunshot that killed him was exceedingly strong, because his sunglasses have fallen from his face and sit beside him, covered in oil. They can see Bing’s eyes, those strange orangey things, half-open and lightless. Dr. Iplier bends down to close Bing’s eyes as Bim ventures further into the studio. He sees the open door to the recording booth, and takes a deep breath in before he approaches it and steps through the threshold. He’s not surprised to find Bop’s body in the corner of the room, but the sight brings him to tears nonetheless. He’s fond of Bop, and Bop is so young, was so young…

Dr. Iplier hears Bim’s sobs and joins him in the recording booth. He grits his teeth at the sight of Bop. He knows he should be staying calm and comforting Bim, but he can’t stop the anger and despair and regret and guilt that well up in his chest. He shouldn’t have given up so easily. He shouldn’t have counted on their times not being set. He should’ve tried harder to get them to come along. He should’ve ordered, demanded them to come. He shouldn’t have left them. He shouldn’t have left them, what kind of doctor just leaves people to die?

“Dammit,” Dr. Iplier sighs, suddenly very tired.

“Are…” Bim begins, taking a shuddering breath, “Are we sure they’re the ones who were just killed?”

“It has to be them,” Dr. Iplier answers, voice quiet, “The blood is fresh, and Bing isn’t…cold yet.”

Indeed, the blood pooled around Bop is bright red and shiny, not the deep rusty maroon that surrounded the Host. And Bing, despite being an android, has the same warmth of a human from his whirring internal machinery. Dr. Iplier felt that warmth, not yet faded, on Bing’s face when he closed his eyes. The doctor is sure that they just missed their murders, just missed Peevils. As if on cue, he hears Google enter the studio.

“Peevils isn’t here,” he growls. Dr. Iplier and Bim turn away from Bop to meet him, and find him staring down at Bing, hands balled into fists.

“She must be in a stairwell,” Dr. Iplier says, “We have to check—”

“I did,” Google interrupts, voice hissing, “Both. I couldn’t see or hear anything in either one.” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t make sense. She’d have to be incredibly fast to get away like that, and even then, I should’ve heard her footsteps echoing. It’s like she’s disappeared.” He looks up at Dr. Iplier and Bim, eyes glowing blue. “Were the hell could she have gone??”

(Peevils hadn’t known about the other elevator, secretly tucked behind a wall on the first floor, until she’d possessed Darkiplier and saw into his mind. Apparently even he gets tired of teleporting everywhere, or occasionally finds himself in situations when he cannot teleport at all, so he made himself a private elevator with his reality-bending magic. No one knows about it, not even the Googles, and not only is it hidden and password-protected, it goes straight to Dark’s office. Of course, having seen into Dark’s mind, Peevils already knows the password. As Dr. Iplier, Bim, and Google puzzle over where she could be, she steps out of the elevator and into Dark’s office. There aren’t many egos left to kill, but there’s a certain pair of them that she knows will be exactly where she expects. So she walks out of Dark’s office to the stairwell, so she can travel down one floor.)

~~~

Yandere has nearly opened the elevator doors enough to stick a hand between them when another groan rises from the elevator.

“Ugh, what now??” he mutters, unable to keep his frustration internal any longer. His patience was exhausted what feels like hours ago to him, as he mindlessly wiggled his katana back and forth between the elevator doors. He’s so close now; once he can fit a hand comfortably through he can push the doors open himself. But the creaky sounds the elevator is making don’t bode well, and Yandere is forced to stop moving and wait for the sounds to pass.

Every movement Yandere makes minutely jostles the damaged machine. As he pries the doors apart, millimeter by millimeter, the elevator loosens just a little more. But he’s been careful, his movements have been quick and small and purposeful, and the elevator is holding steady enough for Yandere to escape if he keeps up that carefulness. That is, until, Dark’s elevator begins to move, and the shared system adds more movement and jostling to the main elevator.

So the elevator doesn’t quiet, but continues to creak, and then it lurches down. Yandere stumbles and falls, landing on the floor alongside Silver. He hisses in annoyance. The blood doesn’t bother him, but with the way the elevator is acting, he wonders if he’ll even be able to stand back up. At least he managed to hold onto his katana, which he decides to sheath until the noise stops. But it only continues, becoming a scraping, and the elevator lurches again, tilting to the side. Yandere is half-afraid the doors are going to slide back shut, but they seem stuck in the positions Yandere has pushed them to.

It suddenly occurs to him that perhaps he ought not to wait at all. He’s so close to getting a gap in the door big enough for his hand, and once that happens, he can escape the elevator in a minute, maybe less. The elevator is still making noise, still screeching at him, but who knows when it’ll stop? Maybe it’s a bad idea, but Yandere is tired of waiting, sick of being careful. He has to get out of here, he’s wasted enough time as it is. Every second he’s stuck in the elevator is another second Peevils is walking around, another second Peevils is getting away with what she’s done to the people Yandere loves, another second Dark, Wilford, and Chrome are going unavenged.

Yandere grits his teeth. To hell with not being reckless, reckless is what he does best.

But he’s not stupid. He doesn’t scramble to his feet, and instead crawls back towards the elevator doors. He unsheathes his katana again and begins to work at the doors again, more quickly than before. The elevator screeches on, and Yandere growls. Just a little more. The elevator falls an inch, and Yandere almost tumbles backwards, but he steadies himself and keeps going. Almost there, almost there. He can imagine it now, imagine finding Peevils, imagine grabbing her by the hair, imagine throwing her down, imagine slicing through her legs to keep her from running, imagine wrapping hands around her throat and choking her until she turns blue, imagine cutting out her tongue when she can no longer scream, imagine prying open her ribs the same way he’s prying open the elevator doors—

The sounds finally cease, and for a long moment, Yandere believes the danger has passed.

Then the elevator drops.

[pandoraimperatrix]

Four Names for Love

Gotham | BatCat | BabyFic | Multi-chapter | Read on AO3

Summary: When Bruce parted ways with Gotham he was leaving behind more than he thought. Meanwhile Selina is trying to find a way to herself after being abandoned again and on top of that she finds out she was left with a lot more than a heartbreak.

——————————————————————————

Philia part III

Selina watched over her daughter sleep, and marvelled over the miracle she is. Her full head of dark hair, delicate paper-like still wrinkled skin, the eyes, now closed, she knows, are still misty blue, and although Alfred told her most baby eyes change colours she hopes the blue hue will remain.

‘What will you call her?’ Asked Barbara leaning on the crib next to Selina, she smoothed away some imaginary wrinkles on the baby’s blanket.

‘Helena.’ Told Selina, caressing her daughter’s soft rosy cheek with the tip of her fingers.

‘Helena? Where did you get that from.’

‘A Portuguese painter.’ When Selina got too heavy to move around the rebuilding Gotham, she had decide to get some proper education now she was to be a mother. She enrolled herself in distance education courses, and found out most of the stuff she otherwise would find boring was actually interesting when she didn’t have to worry so hard about her next meal. But it took a fair amount of time and persuasion, and a lot of nagging for her to get to the point that she had to accept that she needed help and that there was people willing to take care of her.

And although she really hated math, she got really interested in art despite having no talent of herself, she had made some awful watercolours before deciding that she liked more knowing about art than doing art. It was weird to get to that conclusion because never before she had been better in knowing than doing.

‘Helena Wayne,’ Barbara stated, ‘it has a nice ring.’

‘Helena Kyle.’ Selina corrected her, annoyed, she was so tired of that stupid conversation but Barbara wouldn’t let it go, even Alfred wasn’t pushing her anymore in that aspect. He had found no trace of Bruce whatsoever and even tough Selina knew he would never give up hope and stop searching, he talked about Bruce each day less. She knew he was bottling it up, and burying himself under his work on the reconstruction of the Manor, but she just didn’t have remaining energy or will at all to try to talk to him about it. She had a new baby to worry about. Bruce left, he left. He chose to leave. One day Alfred would have to get over it.

‘You seriously will never tell her? What will you say to her in a few years? Because she will ask.’

Selina took a deep breath.

‘I’ll have a few years to come up with something then, won’t I? Stop nagging me about it!’

‘Geez, temper! Go to sleep, your affliction is exhaustion, and you heard Lee, you should sleep while she is asleep too.’

That was Barbara now, mom Barbara, annoying as hell mom Barbara. As usual the power went to her head. But unlike when she was a crime lady, she usually meant well.

‘I’m not sleepy. Where is Babs? She’s nicer to talk than you.’

Barbara Lee’s vocabulary consisted in basically four works: ‘mama’; ‘wee’, for Lee; ‘wina’, for Selina and ‘no’. And she mostly used the last one. No ‘dada’ yet to Gordon’s greatest grief.

‘She’s still at Jim’s. I thought it was better having just one baby in the house for the first days.’

‘Barbara… You didn’t have to…’

‘Oh, don’t be silly. And it’s not a favour, you are paying me back later.’

Selina snorted.

‘Of course.’

ooo

The years that went by made changes not only in Selina’s life but also in Gotham herself. With Lucius Fox as its designer, Gotham now was technological marvel even if it had kept its gothic aesthetics. You could see the clash between chromed skyscrapers and centenary gargoyles on the same street. By Helena’s second birthday the Mansion was up again, Alfred made various invites to Selina to move in with the toddler, but she refused. She was finishing her high school degree and working at an internship in one of the new opened galleries opened by Barbara’s old contacts that decided to return to the city.  

When Helena was five and started kindergarten they moved from Barbara’s to a small studio apartment on East End. By then, Selina had returned to work with the underbelly of the Gotham, but now she didn’t go to small stuff, she made enough on her day job to feed herself and her daughter, but she didn’t want to let the label of young struggling mother to define her, and she had a real talent, why not use it?

Each job made her name climb higher on the art world scene as a notorious thief. It made her feel proud of who she was. Of course, it wasn’t something she could share with her kid, but she liked to have something for herself. She loved Helena, so much she never thought it was possible to love someone like that, but she wouldn’t be the kind of woman that the only thing she valued in life was motherhood.

One night she was coming back from a job when she heard screams and found a cop trying to rape a small mouse-haired teenager girl. After saving the girl, almost killing the cop, and promising to make Jim Gordon’s life hell until his trashy employee was locked in Blackgate to rot, she decided to take Holly in. How couldn’t she? It was stupid, another mouth to feed, and a strange person in her house when she was so used to be just her and Helena, but it was also nice to have someone that understood how her life used to be. It was even nicer to show Holly that things could be different.

And life with a traumatized fourteen years old and a bubbly five years old could be eventful. Helena fell in love with Holly instantly, trying to copy the older girl’s every move to the point of being annoying. Holly tried to be kind to Helena, especially in the beginner days when she was terrified to do something wrong and be thrown in the streets again. But a year later she was comfortable enough to tell Helena to shut up when she would talk non-stop during a movie session or call her out when she touched her stuff without permission. But the girls usually would get along well, sometimes too well to Selina’s liking. If she thought that Holly would always take her side for feeling that she owed her forever, she had fooled herself. Between Selina and Helena it was pretty clear with whom Holly’s loyalty lied with.

Selina didn’t mind as much as she pretended to. In truth, between her dangerous live and all tragedy that she had endured and seen over the years, the knowledge that her daughter had so many people that loved her and would take care of her if something happened to Selina helped her to sleep at night.  

ooo

When Helena was six she asked Selina the first time. She knew Alfred and others have been telling her stories about Bruce since the beginning, she never forbade it in first place, but Helena had never asked her directly before.

‘Your daddy left, kitten.’

‘To where?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘He didn’t want to be with us?’ Helena eyes were wide with tears, they became green around her fourth birthday, a little darker than Selina’s and with blue and golden specs, they were the most beautiful eyes Selina had even seen. She even commissioned a portrait from her favourite forger.

Selina heart broke and the old pain came back, aching and still very much alive.

‘He didn’t know about you. He left before I found out.’

‘Why didn’t he come back?’

Selina gathered her daughter in her arms pressing her small soft body close to hers, Helena smelt like baby lotion and cookies, Selina breathed in sighing.

‘I don’t know, baby, I don’t know.’

She felt such a failure in those moments, mommy should know everything.

ooo

Batman made his debut when Helena was almost ten.

Selina knew exactly who he was. No one else would be that ridiculous or dramatic. His mask had bat ears. It was plain stupid. Yes, her costume had ears too, but hers were tasteful and sexy. Bat ears. Batman. What a nerd.

  ——————————————————————————

Yep, I’m ending this chapter here. Insert evil laugh

Lot of telling not showing in this one, but it I had to show all that I told you it would take foreeeeeeeeeeeeveeeeeeer.

I think you noticed this story changed its tone a bit, no more angsty stuff, that was the plan, things get better as time goes by. But I did let some upsetting stuff out concerning Holly because I didn’t want to deal with that.

Well, this is it for today. Again, thank you so much for the kudos and bookmarks, extra thank you for the people commenting you have NO IDEA of how that helps. Especially in times like these.

Keep taking care of yourselves.

[mariosonicfan2017-blog]

In Defense Of Smash Girls and Smash

People say that Super Smash Brothers Melee is the best game of the Smash series. "I love Melee so much because it is really competitive compared to Brawl. Melee is so much better than Brawl because Brawl is not fast like Melee." That's what the fans always say. This happened here. https://www.geek.com/tech/how-the-hell-is-smash-bros-melee-still-this-popular-1662268/  But that is not the case for me, considering how obnoxious its fans really are. The real best game of the Smash series is no other that Super Smash Brothers Wii U, with Super Smash Brothers Brawl being the second best.

Don't get me wrong. I like Melee as well. I even actually like all of the four Smash games. But, I just like Brawl and Wii U much more because the graphics looks crystal clear and the gameplay are fascinating. They even have Final Smashes, my favorite feature. Brawl also has the best story mode about Wii U has the best character selection.  I'm sorry if that offended you. You can disagree with me whenever you like. But don't go nuts about it. People just downright bashes these two games just because they are nothing like Super Smash Brothers Melee. So what if the gameplay of Brawl and Wii U not as fast as Melee. I would rather pretty much have that balancing kind of gameplay than a super fast gameplay. When it comes to Smash Tournaments, they always go with these boring rules. "Players must do one stock, no items, play as Fox and other high tier characters, and play Final Destination only." That is the reason why I don't join the Smash Tournaments. People are allowed to whatever they want because back at their home, they owned the game and they deserved better. People tends bashes the characters whether they are nerfed or replaces their favorite Melee characters (before the Smash Ballot became a thing). First off, these characters were not nerfed to become weaker. They were only nerfed to balance them out. So I could give them credit to become more balanced. Some of those characters are too overpowered in Melee anyways, even Fox is considered to be the overpowered character in Melee. So I'm actually glad they nerfed him. I played Smash for fun, not competively. Second off, I think most Brawl and Wii U/3DS characters are good choices. I am really annoyed that their Melee characters were overshadowed. People should at least be glad that Dr. Mario, Mewtwo, and Roy returned in Smash Bros Wii U/3DS. What's even worst is that the fans always follow the tier lists and be like "You have play as the top tier characters because they helped you win easily. Low tier characters are useless and should not be played as. Actually, no. I don't have to just play as top tier characters. I can play as any characters I want depending which characters I like. I can't be like that dreadful, jerky rival Paul (from Pokémon) by just sticking with strong and useful characters. Lots of characters will always be great on their own. Tiers are for queers and noobs. Tier lists are a complete waste of time. Speaking of characters, this brings me down to female characters in Super Smash Brothers.

I think that it is an excellent idea to add more female characters in Super Smash Brothers Wii U/3DS since 64, Melee, and Brawl lacks the number of female characters. Sadly, the problem is that nobody, nor barely anybody played as these girls. It hurts me that they don't get enough love. What's even worst is that people dislikes those female characters for these stupid reasons. "They're useless, not as strong as male characters, doesn't deserve to be in Smash, shouldn't be played because they're girls, etc." This is one of the reasons why I would never join the Smash forum and the Smash community. No matter what, the fans always say bad stuff to these poor girls, like this. "Peach is so annoying and useless because all she did is let herself get kidnapped. She's even more useless in Smash. Why does she even fight?" "Zelda is a terrible fighter and looks so hideous. Link should just ditch her and be with Dark Link." "Samus is so annoying to play against. Why does she even have to be in that slutty jumpsuit. It's sexist." "Jigglypuff is so weak and slow in Smash and Pokémon in general. Even floaty, she has awful recovery." "Rosalina should not be in Smash. That slot belongs to Daisy. Rosalina must be stealing Daisy and other Mario characters. She should die." "Wii Fit Trainer can't be in Smash. She doesn't make any sense. I want Ridley." "Palutena is terrible in 4 because she has useless movesets. She even treats Pit like garbage by teasing her and gets in the way of Pitcest." "Chrome should be in Smash, not Lucina. She's just a boring Marth clone." "Oh, oh, oh, oh. I despise so many girls in Smash. They're all so useless and annoying. I love male characters and yaoi. They're in the way. I wish these girls should get out of Smash so we can have more evil kings, dragons, legendary Pokémon, and swordsmen." Seriously people? It's okay if the fans don't like them, but this is just too much. I am sick and tired of these people making a huge deal out of Smash girls just because they are "useless", "overpowered", "random", "ruined other characters' chances", "only added for role models", or even "gets in the way of yaoi." This is almost just as bad as despising anime girls because of these reasons I've mentioned. Peach may be a damsel in distress most of the times and not super strong in Smash, but she can also be useful in many ways. Even in Smash, she is pretty good if you know how to use them. Zelda is not that terrible. You just don't know how to use her right. She has the one of the strongest aerial attacks if timed right. Samus, power suit or no power suit, has incredible speed which allows her to be forced to be reckoned with. Just blame the hardcore players. It's not Samus' fault that she beats every single time. Also, her in the zero suit doesn't mean sexist. It makes her more athletic than usual. Usually, hot female characters are always the ones that gets complaints by feminazis. Yet, male characters can look attractive. Even in Smash, Shulk has swim trunks. Nobody minds. Jigglypuff may not be the strongest, but she's not the weakest. It's easy to combo with and easy to finish off with rest. Rosalina was only there for puppeteer. Plus, she's only added to be one of the main Mario cast, not to steal anybody's spotlight. I'll admit. When I first saw Wii Fit Trainer, I thought she was pretty random and out of place too. Now I got used to her when I played as her. Although Wii Fit Trainer is hard to control, she has Deep Breathing, which gives her a boost. Plus, she's enjoyable. While Palutena has worthless default moves, she has amazing custom moves that makes her useful, such as Explosive Flame, Super Speed, Lightweight, Rocket Jump, and more. Palutena does not even get in the way of Pitcest and there's no proof. Not to mention, Palutena only teases Pit for comedy relief. She still cares for him and her own kind of personality is actually enjoyable. Sure Lucina is pretty much a Marth clone, but so is Roy. Nobody complains about Roy. I still like Roy. I just can't stand double-standards like this. Lucina is rather more balancing to me, even when prefers a female. Then at the end of the Smash Ballot, there's Bayonetta. Most people downright bashes her just because she's completely overpowered and their requested characters were not added in Smash. They should learned that Bayonetta won the Ballot and I actually surprised and glad she's in. Yes, those girls may not be perfect fighters. But I doesn't matter to me. I actually like all of the female characters in Super Smash Brothers and I still find them enjoyable. I would even much rather have more female characters to keep the Smash games more appealing. Having more evil kings, swordsmen, dragons, Legendary Pokémon and even angsty pretty boy who has no heart and care would be boring and staled anyways. That's it for today, I hope you all understand my opinions and know how I feel. Please, take good care.  

[youremyonlyhope]

Attack of the Clones

Ok first of all, why must the poster be so dramatic? It looks like a romance novel but then there’s an explosion under them. Ok I mean I guess that’s a good representation of the movie, but still.

Now, this was the first Star Wars movie I saw in theaters, if I’m remembering correctly. Or at least I think it was... I don’t remember seeing it in theatres but I’m pretty sure I did... I honestly have less memory of this movie than Phantom Menace. And, made clear from my last post, I really only remembered random bits and pieces of Phantom Menace. But my only memory of Attack of the Clones is watching it in my living room like... 13+ years ago and it was some scene where they had a fight in an arena of some sort. Padme was wearing white and had a gun. That’s the only thing I know I definitely remember from this movie.

So I’m almost basically going into this with completely fresh eyes.

Oh no, people want to leave the Republic? I don’t remember this. Also lol Count Dooku. My family has an inside joke about him, and I can’t take him seriously at all. Ok cool, the CGI has gotten better in the last 3 years. That chrome ship is gorgeous. Still hasn’t aged well though. “I guess I was wrong, there was no danger at all” *EXPLOSION* OH MY GOD. NOT EXPECTING THAT. I DON’T REMEMBER THIS. See, I knew that that wasn’t Padme, but I didn’t realize she was supposed to be a Padme decoy (since she’s not an exact clone of Natalie the way Keira is). I just thought she was another high ranking Naboo person or something. So... I’m really glad we had the decoy... I mean... poor girl... but at least Padme’s safe... The Yoda CGI hasn’t aged as well as the ship’s CGI did. “Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart.” That sentence wasn’t... “Yoda” enough... word order wise I mean. We should all listen to Padme more often. Ok. Why is Padme’s wig kinky textured with tiny braids? Is this the one time I have to complain about Padme’s wardrobe? Why must the Twi’lek senator have a robe with a low neckline and a cutout on her stomach? Obi-Wan has new hair. Well... anything’s better than the ponytail and the rattail. On that note: now Ani has the ponytail and the rattail. Why? Seriously costume designer: WHY!? Why did you do that to them? On THAT note: flustered nervous Ani is adorable. How did he go so wrong? Oh but Padme’s dress is so beautiful now that we get longer full body shots of her. “So have you. Grown more beautiful I mean.” Awww. Sweet kid. “She barely even recognized me, Jar Jar.” Dude, it’s been 10 years, and you hit puberty. She’s not supposed to recognize you right away. And she recognized you pretty quickly. And you really thought of her every day? That’s creepy. Was that Boba Fett? Also I remember the veil attached to the helmet vividly for some reason... why? I like that Ani’s already dressed in darker colors just because he’s dramatic. “I don’t think she liked me watching her.” Hey. Ani. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want the guy who’s been thinking about her everyday for 10 years to be watching her all the time on a camera when she can’t see him too. Maybe it’s because you’re a little creepy. Just maybe. ...I think I might remember these worm things... but also I might not... I feel scared so I guess that’s some feelings leftover from 6-year-old-me. You had one job, R2-D2. One job! “The Chancellor doesn’t appear to be corrupt.” Wow, you could not be more wrong with that statement. BOY. YOU JUST SWIPED YOUR LIGHTSABER AT THE WORMS ON PADME. IF SHE HAD WOKEN UP A HALF SECOND EARLIER WHEN YOU LANDED ON THE BED SHE MIGHT HAVE FLINCHED AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEHEADED HER. COME ON. This boy has a death wish diving down in the speeder like that. OH SO THIS IS THE SCENE WHERE HE JUST RANDOMLY JUMPS OUT OF THE SPEEDER. “If you’ll excuse me” THIS BOY LITERALLY WANTS TO DIE. Did... did her face just change to like... green-ish...? I rewinded and yeah her lips turned dark blue and her skin was green with... scales? Or was it just the lighting? Because... that was kind of terrifying... So she’s wearing a veil AND can change her face? That’s fun. “Use the force, think.” Ok, Ani can only do one of those things.  “Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” Ha. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA. *Sobs* Changeling? Cool. So I’m not going crazy, her face did change.

Dealer: You want to buy any death sticks? Obi-Wan: You don’t want to sell me any death sticks. Dealer: I don’t want to sell you any death sticks. Obi-Wan: You want to go home and rethink your life. Dealer: I want to go home and rethink my life.

That’s hilarious. I was just thinking “Does anyone lose any arms in this one? Someone has to eventually.” And sure enough, there goes her arm. Arm #7 I like that Yoda just floats in a chair next to them as they walk. I actually like that Jar Jar gets to be Naboo’s representative in the Senate though. Having a Gungar senator of Naboo just seems right if they live there too. AWWWWW. She has Leia-esque buns. “I’m ready for the trials, but he feels that I’m too unpredictable.” Gee. I wonder why he would think that Anakin “If-You’ll-Excuse-Me-While-I-Jump-Out-of-a-Speeder” Skywalker is unpredictable? Ok, the music that is playing. I gotta figure out which song it is later because this music is like... definitive Star Wars music for me. “Sorry m’lady.” OH GOD EW ANI I JUST CRINGED.

Padme: *Needs to travel with refugees and blend in* Padme: *Wears an intricate cloak and a giant headdress*

Perfect logic. Droid with a stereotypical waitress accent. I kinda love it. Ok seriously, the alien CGI has not aged well. The alien chef guy (Dex?) has a mustache. That is too much. “If an object does not appear in our records, it does not exist.” Ok. So does it actually not exist, or does it not exist in the records (but does in real life), or do you guys just deny its existence in general just because? Awwww... so you’re telling me that Obi-Wan kept one of those orbs all those years and trained Luke with one? And it’s just like how they used to train the children? Why do I have feels over this? “Lost a planet, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing.” I LOVE YODA. Only a Jedi can erase files? Really? OK. OK WHO PLAYS THE NEW QUEEN. BRB GONNA GO CHECK. She was in one episode of Doctor Who, Planet of the Ood. Ok cool. Anakin. Don’t interrupt Senator Amidala. Listen to her. Come on. What happened to the sweet boy from 10 years ago? THE SUPER TALL WHITE ALIEN WITH THE LONG NECK AND BIG EYES. I REMEMBER YOU. I REMEMBER YOU SO VIVIDLY. I JUST GASPED. “After all these years we were beginning to think you weren’t coming.” That’s not suspicious at all. Well. At least they’re not evil. They’re just taking orders from a mysterious evil dead Jedi. AHHHH ONE OF MY FAVE PADME OUTFITS!  Ok the sand line isn’t as stupid out of context, I’ll give them that. Still gonna make fun of it though. Creepily touching her back. The dress may expose her back skin, but that’s not an invitation to touch it, Ani. So many clone babies. I think I remember this. “Oh... we... keep him here.” YEAH. TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. Clone trooper reveal! This is a not a drill people! We just saw the clones in clone trooper armor! Oh, how I wish I could go back and be able to witness audience reactions to that shot. Ok. Ok. Yeah. That shot of all of them. In lines. In formation. I whispered “Oh my god” and covered my mouth just then. So did he want a clone of himself so he could be a father? Or was there some other reason... Another one of my fave Padme outfits! With Leia buns! “I like 2 or 3.” So, just Padme and Palpatine you mean.  “Sounds to me like a dictatorship.” “Well... if it works.” And here’s where Padme should have just run away screaming and never looked back. I thought those aliens were boulders until Ani rode one. Ok, it was so he could be a father to the clone. Cool. Kinda cute. Hmm... suspicious. I kinda hate that you can see the pear is clearly CGI for this entire scene. “I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me.” Ok. That’s a name of a song in Ani: the Musical isn’t it? I need to rewatch Ani: the Musical once I finish rewatching all the Star Wars movies. Because even though I understood Ani: the Musical enough to find it hilarious and genius, apparently it was even more genius than I thought and a lot of stuff went over my head. But of course, it’s StarKid, they’re always geniuses, so I shouldn’t be surprised. “You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do” Yeah. That’s for sure, Mr. Jump-Out-of-A-Moving-Speeder. BINARY SUNSET IS PLAYING AGAIN. GOD WHY DOES THAT SONG GIVE ME ALL THE FEELS. Also I took a moment to listen to Leia’s theme on YouTube, just to refresh my memory to keep an eye out for it, and through suggested videos I figured out that the music I keep hearing and saying defines Star Wars for me is Anakin and Padme’s Theme/Across the Stars. Obvious name. I should have guessed it. Anyway, yeah, that music is Star Wars to me. So even though I remember very little of this movie, this music definitely made an impact. DID... DID... HE JUST SAY “BOBA GET ON BOARD”???????? DID THEY SAY THE KID’S NAME WAS BOBA EARLIER? DID I MISS THAT? IT TOOK A SECOND IT WAS LIKE JANGO: “BOBA GET ON BOARD” ME: *3...2...1...* *GASP!!!!!* OH MY GOD. I REMEMBER LITERALLY NONE OF THIS. See, I had wondered about the Fett last name when it was mentioned earlier, but I literally was like “Jango Fett? Huh, I guess all bounty hunters just choose Fett as their last name lol what a funny coincidence” BUT NO. IT’S A FAMILY NAME. WOW. I AM STUPID. “Oh, not good.” There always needs to be an understatement of the movie. Last time it was Ani saying “This is tense!” and so far this time it’s this Obi-Wan line. I mean, yeah, it’s totally possible for Jango Fett to climb up a smooth curved metal surface with metal gloves in the rain. Totally possible. I mean yeah, a gold chariot while wearing a giant silver leopard (or snake?) print cloak isn’t gonna draw attention at all. FINALLY C-3PO. OWEN LARS. OWEN. AS IN UNCLE OWEN. FINALLY. You know, I always wondered just how Owen was Luke’s uncle if Ani didn’t have any siblings. But because it’d been so long since I saw this movie, I couldn’t remember. Ok but honestly, I should have realized we were gonna see Uncle Owen the moment what’s-his-face-Ani’s-old-owner (I refuse to learn his name) said “A moisture farmer”. Literally I thought to myself “Moisture farmer? Wow! That’s just like Luke’s uncle!” like wow I am slow today at catching on to this stuff. I might pause soon and go to bed since it’s almost 3am and obviously, my brain cannot function properly right now since usually I catch on to more of these little hints and stuff. On that note, the actor playing young Owen is kind of spot-on. “After I lost my leg” Have I been counting legs? Well, now I will. Leg #1. More Leia buns. More Binary Sunset! OK wait. If there are 2 suns, should they all have 2 shadows? I googled it, but it’s officially way too late at night for me to try to understand astronomy so I’ll try again in the morning to understand the explanations. Apparently the answer might be no. Oh fun, all the evil people coming together to build a huge army. Ok wait. Does Ani like... slaughter all the people who tortured his mom? Do I remember that correctly? Yeah that’s a yes. Beheading everyone. Great. I don’t blame him, but boy, this is how you end up succumbing to the dark side. A LITTLE HINT OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH. YES. BUT ALSO NO. “I told him to stay on Naboo” When has Ani ever listened to you though? Oh wow full on Imperial March now. Ok I’m gonna stop it here at the 1:28:10 mark for tonight because I’m sleepy. There’s a little under an hour left.

Annnnnnd it’s 11:00pm at night the next day, I gotta be up at 7:30, so this is a perfect time to finish the movie! Logic!

Ok but Padme’s in the white outfit that I know she’s wearing as she wields a gun and gets her shirt all ripped up so, obviously, Anakin’s not gonna keep them out of trouble for much longer. So... Obi-Wan is too far from the Jedi council to send the message... but Anakin is close enough.... but they’re less than a parsec away from each other. Either Lucas got lazy, or Obi-Wan was literally just barely out of range. Oh wow, Padme being reckless and unpredictable for once? And here I was thinking it was going to be Anakin’s idea to go to Obi-Wan. No wonder he loves her. And I love her loopy bun. Oh wait, so Dooku isn’t bad? I was remembering him as bad, but he’s warning Obi-Wan about there being a Sith Lord leading the Republic. (Update: He’s bad, I’m stupid and too trusting and reverting back to being 6-years-old.) “Meesa suppose that the senate give powers to the supreme chancellor.” SITH LORD JAR JAR BINKS CONFIRMED. “I love democracy. I love the Republic.” Never heard anything less sincere in my life. That looked physically painful for him to say. God I love R2 and 3PO’s relationship. Even this early on. Ahhhhhhh Binary Sunset again. Can you tell it’s my favorite piece of Star Wars music? Seriously every time I hear it I squeal. Ok this whole sequence is so CGI happy. You didn’t need to use CGI for C-3PO, you didn’t need half of this to be CGI. Practical effects would have been better. But fine, the head switching thing was funny. HIS ARM IS ENCASED IN METAL. FORESHADOWING!!!!! Oh no, not his lightsaber. Now starts the only part of the movie I actually remember. And Obi-Wan’s just like “Of course.” as they are rolled by him. “Then we decided to come and rescue you.” “...Good job.” I ADORE OBI-WAN. All of these monsters are making me NOPE on so many levels, and I know most of that fear comes from 6-year-old-Hope.

Ani: What about Padme. Obi-Wan: She seems to be on top of things. Padme: *Freeing herself and climbing up a pole*

This is why Padme was my everything when I was little. Not gonna lie, up until this part I kinda forgot that they wanted Padme dead. I had a day long break from the movie, so give me a break. So yeah... Jango Fett has a flamethrower in his wrist? That’s not fair. Is this when we see Mace’s purple lightsaber for the first time? I don’t remember seeing it before this. But obviously, I have really bad memory so who knows. And Padme in that outfit shooting a gun is something I remember vividly from childhood. I JUST GASPED SO LOUDLY JUST NOW. MACE JUST STRAIGHT UP BEHEADED JANGO. OH MY GOD. AND LITTLE BOBA WATCHED. WELL. THAT’S HIS BACKSTORY EXPLAINED. OH MY GOD. I DON’T REMEMBER THIS AT ALL. MY JAW IS STILL DROPPED AS I TYPE THIS. *R2D2 just randomly rolls into the battle and straight to C-3PO* ok sure. *Yoda comes flying in with an army of Stormtroopers* YES. EPIC. AMAZING. I LOVE YODA SO MUCH. Um.... but you left R2D2 and C-3PO behind! THIS. KID. IS. HOLDING. HIS. DAD’S. SEVERED. HEAD. NO WONDER HE’S SO MESSED UP. Dooku’s master? I don’t remember him having a master. 6-year-old-Hope literally must not have paid attention to any scenes in this movie that didn’t involve Padme. “I will take the designs with me” *Puts up hologram of the Death Star* I love love love love LOVE all the reveals though. Like, say what you will about the prequels, but the reveals of and references to stuff the original trilogy are amazing. Main Star Wars theme coming in, I hear you. Ani, you gotta learn to control your emotions dude. “We’ll take him slowly. You take him from the left–” “NO I’M TAKING HIM NOW” “NO ANAKIN NO!” I mean, is there an exchange that describes Anakin better than that? How has Obi-Wan dealt with him for 10 years? And Count Dooku can lightningbend. I don’t remember this at all. Ok ok ok. Pausing for a second to see how old Christopher Lee was in this because I know he was like super old and yet here he is having a lightsaber duel. ...DUDE WAS 80 WHEN THE MOVIE CAME OUT. THIS. DUDE. WAS. 80. AND JUMPING AND DOING ALL THESE TRICKS AND STUFF. DUDE. DUDE. AMAZING. (If it was a stunt double I’m gonna feel real stupid) Aww for a second I thought he cut off Obi-Wan’s arm. I’m almost disappointed. I wanted to count another severed arm. Anakin’s weilding 2 lightsabers. I don’t remember this. But that is epic. NOW there goes another arm! Oh poor Ani. Arm #8. I’m gonna admit it. I’m not ashamed. Once I heard Yoda’s signature grumbling I gasped and went “Ah! Yoda!” out loud because I had completely forgotten about him dueling Count Dooku until just now. I DIDN’T KNOW YODA COULD LIGHTNINGBEND TOO! OR I GUESS IN THIS CASE REDIRECT LIGHTNING! YODA IS AMAZING. OH. HE JUST ABSORBED IT ALL. ZUKO COULDN’T DO THAT. WOW. PRINCE ZUKO, TAKE NOTES. I feel like the animator had the best day of his life animating Yoda in this duel since Yoda is being so extra. “Fought well, you have, my old padawan.” DOOKU WAS HIS PADAWAN? AND QUI-GON WAS DOOKU’S. AND OBI-WAN WAS QUI-GON’S. AND ANAKIN WAS OBI-WAN’S. SO ANAKIN IS YODA’S GREAT-GREAT-GRAND-PADAWAN. WOW. AND I GUESS LUKE IS ALSO? Dooku, that’s cheating. Ok what is this, some type of sail boat space ship? There’s no wind in space, what is the point of these molten metal sail things on Dooku’s ship then? Ooooh... first reveal that this Darth Sidious is the Emperor from the original series. And it kinda partially reveals that it’s Palpatine. And yeah up until this point I forgot that Dooku’s master was Sidious. Dooku telling Obi-Wan about Sidious really threw me off. Because as you can see earlier in the post, I was like “Ok but he’s telling them about the Sith Lord so is he really that bad?” and nope it was just reverse psychology or something and I really fell for it. The Imperial March playing as we see all the clones, I just went “ahhhhhhh” out loud, dropped my crocheting (because of course I’m crocheting while watching this, I’m always crocheting), and raised my arms up. Oh my god. And the music getting more intense as we look at Palpatine and the Senators! Yes! YES YES YES! Guys. I am not gonna lie. That whole sequence of “The Clone Wars have begun” and showing them with the Imperial March just made me get really really excited. Oh my god. Chills. I am jumping in my seat. I am flailing my arms. Oh my god. Aaaaaand Anakin and Padme are getting married. I literally just said “Uh oh” out loud. Ok also, how did R2D2 and C3PO get back? OK but her wedding dress is gorgeous. I just went “Ahhh” and cringed at Anakin’s metal hand. It’s so creepy. I do love Anakin and Padme’s Theme so much though.

Well. I enjoyed that. Yeah, I got sleepy about an hour and a half in, but it was 3am and I knew that since I tend to pause every 2 seconds to put something into this post, I wouldn’t finish the last hour of the movie until at least 5am (it’s 1am right now, I started watching the last hour at about 11pm, so yeah about 2 hours to watch the hour). So yeah. But I enjoyed it.

Why do people hate the prequels so much? Am I biased because they’re what I saw when I was little? Because obviously, I remembered NONE of this movie except for the big fight scene and Padme’s outfits. Literally nothing else. But I still enjoyed it. I wish the dialogue was better, if they could redo the prequels with better dialogue and better directing, they’d be amazing. But even with the bad dialogue and directing you still just feel happiness, like you’re at home, because this is still Star Wars. And you still love the universe and the story. So yeah. I liked it.

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also the final dungeon sucked and am i like the only one who hated the whole twist entirely? literally the only good bit was that mr never before foreshadowed trash hype killer villain god disguised himself as igor that was a good twist if it was anyone else, if it was a random npc like with p4′s deity final boss, then it would have had no redeeming qualities seriously it was SO THEMATICALLY BAD seriously shido is SUCH a climax boss and you have actual reasons to hate him and an actual grudge and it feels good to kick his ass! even if his boss design is stupid looking! yaldabaoth is just... nobody he’s an abstract representation of the theme of the whole plot, which already got answered it was SO DUMB to just have out of nowhere everyone learns the same lesson again in a giant literal metaphor way dude we ALREADY answered the questions about ‘whether humanity prefers to be obedient and enslaved rather than make their own choices’ and it was so artificial that public opinion of the phantom thieves suddenly tanks to 0 after they save the day?? if everyone forgot about us cos of evil godman brainwashing then HOW IS THIS A LESSON THATS BEING LEARNED. They just had to love us EVEN MORE so they were able to break the rbainwashing! like seriously it was just like.. you wanted some excuse to have everyone cheer on the phantom thieves as they watch the battle why not just have all that happen WITH SHIDO I mean he’s said to have stolen a bunch of metaverse research and know all about it it would make him much more of a threat if he did more with that say that HE is the one using mementos to brainwash the public have the phantom theieves fade from existance cos of that ‘kill myself to collapse my own palace’ plot shido did have it like.. it looks like eveyrone got out fast enough, theyre right at the entrance to the real world, but its just too late everyone fades away seeing the real world in the distance and screaming for anyone to grab their hand, but nobody sees them same effect same scene, just with shido and without three more hours of repetitive plot and a terrible TERRIBLE final dungeon! you could even still have the whole thing of the velvet room attendants fighting back against igor and saving you and then you go back and do the final fight just have it like.. igor was actually good and it was all a test, he faked betraying you. cos this is your final test- standing up to the ultimate authority figure. and he congratulates you for overcoming his challenge, and like.. reveal that the entire prison warden thing was a test for justine and caroline. they were the ones being rehibilitated. like, a test to gain free will that he always does for each new attendant. OR just have the same plot of evil igor imposter and stuff, but we dont need to have it happen after shido’s plot and lead to just goddamn repetition of p4 izanami withoutr any of the characetr development. Seriously he doesnt even get any moral ambiguity or anything! He’s just evil! He doesnt even really believe he’s doing what humanity wants! And him acting as your helper for fuckin 90 HOURS wasnt like a sign of character complexity or anyting, it as just a lie! Think of how much more interesting it could have been if yaldabaoth had a plot like ryoji, like he’s the human form of a god created to destroy everything but he ended up developing genuine affection for the protagonists and regretting the role he must inevitably play. That would have been repetitive but the plot we got is repetitive anyway!! and like seriously just SOMETHING SOMETHING somehow make him working with shido! remove the ENTIRE FINAL DUNGEON. It was padding in a game that was SO RUSHED aside from this damn moment! take that screentime and flesh out haru’s screentime more! DAMN YOOOOOOU have shido being a super mastermind who’s working with this evil god have shido be a wild card, even?? or have him as someone who’s like.. his pride and jealousy caused him to make a pact with this evil god in order to gain like.. fake wild card powers. He’s not able to actually use the metaverse on his own, he’s relied on manipulating his trash son,  and now he’s without even that option he gets so desperate he WILL NOT ACCEPT his loss and goes all super saiyan by fusing with yaldabaoth. Yaldabaoth’s lack of personality doesnt really matter here, because he’s being a plot element instead of a final boss all on his lonesome. He could even be more sympathetic, cos all we see of him is as a mcguffin holy grail acting as the warden to everyone who GENUINELY wishes for imprisonment rather than free will. We dont get to hear his voice, we dont get to see him brainwashing people who clearly didnt make that choice, just to repeat an already-answered question about whether humanity as a whole would make that choice. Its just ‘hey here’s a mcguffin that exists because of the suicidal wishes of humans, and shido has stolen it and is using it to power up, holy shit’. And all we know about yaldabaoth is that he/they/it wants to grant wishes, and has no morality to determine which are good or bad. Not that its a fuckhead with dreams of granduer who wants to trick everybody into wishes they didnt ask for, and has NO PERSONALITY instead of being izanami WITHOUT PERSONALITY and just... GAHHH So yeah like BLINDSIDED, SLAP IN THE FACE, we thought we defeated shido, we were trying to grab the holy grail but WHOOPS HE’S BACK AND HE GRABBED IT. Like, after the whole climactic ‘shido is collapsing his own palace’ scene, when everyone leaves the velvet room they’re just at the site of that locked door, skipping the whole shitty dungeon. And then we see the holy grail right there and we get the exposition about it right there, and how it could reverse all of shido’s bullshit at the cost of ending the metaverse, blah. No need for a boring month of being unable to do anything but see cutscene after cutscene of BUT WE DEFEATED SHIDO BUT NOTHING IS HAPPENING. And then like.. SURPRISE! Shido isnt really dead! we accidentally led him right to this mcguffin that he can now use to become SuperFinalBossmanRematchMode. And this is where we get the exposition of how he didnt really die, it was a fake death pill. OR, if we wanna get EVEN MORE climactic goodness, maybe shido DID die from that, and now like.. his soul is trapped in the cognitive world forever as this horrifying shadow fusion thing and he’s still whining about how its your fault and taking no responsibility for his actions. So SUPER SMACKDOWN TO FINALLY END IT ONCE AND FOR ALL! And its still high stakes cos its all ‘holy shit it should be impossible for him to still exist’ and ‘holy shit he fuckin ate a god’. And like, if yaldabaoth got fuckin bitchslapped before he could even be a presence in the plot. ‘Yeah hey i was pretending to be igor- ARRGH HOLY SHIT SHIDO NO’ Mr actual climatic boss reclaims his throne, rather literally. Makes him more imposing than he is when he’s really just another palace ruler and you never even confront the real world shido or anything. I mean you kinda already beat his plans when you removed his only minion who could access the metaverse, you just do the rest of the palace to collapse his career too... and then like fuckin.. somehow have the same thing where the metaverse and real world start blending. But it’d even have a better explanation than just Yaldabaoth Can Do That, I Guess, And He Didn’t Do It Until Right Now Because Reasons. You could say its like a consequence of the metaverse revolting at shido’s running away from death. Say his willpower is so strong that he can fuckin fuck up reality with it! His ego is THAT big! And then hoodly boo, same thing with everyone cheering you on so you summon satan and save christmas. But the final boss could look less stupid than a fuckin faceless art studio model made of chrome that pulls a gun out of its butt. Or I mean it could look even more stupid, it could just ahve shido’s shit face pasted on top XD But shido’s already proven that he can give a climactic boss fight even while looking like a dumbass wearing too many ShakeWeights(tm)! OR ORRRRRR Instant fix that could LITERALLY make the whole thing better without changing any dialogue except one namebox. Just say Yaldabaoth is someone else. Just give him the name of a fan favourite villain from early persona *COUGH NYARTHALOTEP COUGH* It would fit better with the YEAHHHHH BOYYY factor of his big twist of being fake igor, it would keep that hype going instead of murdering it with a personalityless villain and eight floors of just stairs and light puzzles. EVEN BETTER if they actually did go far enough to make it a proper nyarly cameo and give him a design as cool as his old ones. Like seriously the thing of being twisted representations of everyone’s parents would work SO WELL here thematically! it could be a rgeat moment to FINALLY see and hear more about protagonist’s parents! And like half the party has issues with family that we already saw in the other palaces, so it could be a great fake boss rush style memory lane of all those guys. instead of just pulling guns out his butt that cast all the same status effects. It could be ESPECIALLY good for GIVING POOR HARU MORE SCREENTIME AND DEVELOPMENT. Seriously, just imagine how fucked up it would be to see a twisted fake dad doll attatched to some fucker’s tentacle face, all these months after he died? it was a good idea to at least mention how he was the only palace owner who died, but it was a shame it meant he was also the only one who didnt get to cameo here and give the corresponding party member some more dialogue and developments. Especially cos Haru is fuckin awesome against bosses! HARU 4 EVARRRR But seriously even if everything was exactly the same and they just made one small reference to some character we already know something about, at least it would give us some frame of reference for yaldabaoth’s actual goddamn motives. who in the FUCK thinks its a good idea to tape on an extra 10 hours after the climactic boss to give us Nobody Mc Grail who Does Bad Cos He Want To. Srsly its like if P4 ended with ameno-sagiri and didnt even have all that izanami stuff and moral ambiguity and seriously i am gaining SO MUCH appreciation for how they managed to make a sudden unforeshadowed boss have AN ACTUAL SOUL. And she related to the themes of the story without being repetitive!  Still not as good as nyx/ryoji in my opinion, but it wasnt just ‘we are contractually obliged to throw in 1 (one) Evil God (tm) at the last second, because its a persona game’ the final scene was good, the everything else wasnt 100 Yes to Satan Saving Christmas Thank God for Giant Bullet Blow His Face Off but not THIS PARICULAR GOD because he is a detestable flaw in a game that I loved very much! at least he got fuckin sploded and got a good ‘im fucked’ face without even having a face. Seriously that brief REACTION SHOT was sooooo fuckin cathartic! his ONLY PERSONALITY he ever got was being a smug asshole who thinks he’s the best final boss ever, and we got an actual moment of ‘ha ha ha ha i win i win, i- OHHOTDIGGITYJESUSCHRIST’ *splat* thanks satan now can we seriously have no more evil gods ever, they have officially outlived their welcome can satan just shoot all of them in the head before they even get to be in the story ilu satan (also im curious now to do more research on ‘satanael’ and see what the difference even is about this form? is it just a different aspect of the christian devil like how satan and lucifer are also available in this game? or is satanael actually just a different mythological figure and the whole ‘satan saves christmas’ meme is just cos they sound similar?)