#seriously i got sick on january third

[takeme-totheworld]

GUESS WHAT!?!

I had to walk up the stairs to my fourth floor walkup apartment, while carrying heavy things (first clean laundry and then bags of groceries), TWICE today.

And do you know what DIDN'T happen either time I reached the top of the stairs???

I DIDN'T immediately dissolve into a coughing fit due to the exertion kicking up lingering crud in my lungs. Because there IS no lingering crud in my lungs, they are finally clear! No more plague souvenirs woooooooo!

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

The Breaking Point

This fic is a sequel to To Be His Good Girl

Edit: I've removed my SPN kink Event bingo card, because I was reminded that Soldier Boy isn't part of SPN. 🤦‍♀️ The story hasn't changed at all.

Summary: Y/N has been acting up for days, and she won't explain herself to Ben. He may just reach his breaking point.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Smut. Pretty filthy smut. BDSM. Dom/sub. Dom Ben (Soldier Boy). Sub Reader. Disobedient Reader. Crying Reader. Lots of talk of punishments and discipline. Spanking. Paddling. Pussy Spanking. Mentions of Caning (breasts). Slight Bondage. Intense pain as pleasure dynamics. Light Fingering mentioned. Sir!kink.

Pairings: Soldier Boy (Ben) x Reader

Word Count: 3,925

A/N: Okay, so "To Be His Good Girl" was supposed to be a one and done fic. However, I've had a few requests to carry on the story, and then I found the above bingo card, and I thought it fit into Ben and Y/N's story pretty well. There is a third part to this little story. It's called, "When is it Enough?" and it will be out on Wednesday, January 10. It will fill my BDSM square for the above card. Hope you enjoy, and I know this story won't be for everyone, so PLEASE heed the warnings. ❤️

The dividers used here are created by @silkholland

Y/N and Ben moved in together not long after her first round of discipline. They spent a lot of time in the first month testing boundaries, pushing Y/N’s limits of what she could take. Ben was amazed by her constantly. They had regular discipline sessions, where he would test her and push her to see if she would continue to obey him no matter what, and she almost always did. When she failed his tests, she took her punishments well. Even if she was being punished for purposely acting bratty, which had only happened a handful of times - mostly just to get a rise out of him - she quickly became remorseful when he corrected her behavior.

Their discipline sessions had never failed to leave both of them sated and happy.

Then one random Tuesday, four months into living together, Ben came home to find Y/N completely withdrawn. He thought maybe she was just hormonal, as women tended to be once a month, and he let the attitude slide for a day or so. When she didn’t improve, he threatened her, promising her if she didn’t smarten up, he’d make sure she couldn’t sit down for a week. The effectiveness of the threat barely lasted the day however, and by the next morning, she was back to grouching and sulking around the apartment. 

Ben awoke that morning as he felt her shifting out of his arms and getting up. Then he heard her growl angrily as she stubbed her toe on the bedside table. “Piece of shit.” She grumbled to herself as she fell back to the mattress she’d just risen from. He reached out to rub her back but she stood up again, pulling away.

“Hey.” Ben said, voice still croaky with sleep. “What’s wrong?”

Y/N just shook her head. “Nothing, I’m just running late.” She told him, and she rushed out of their room to shower.

When she came back to the room, wrapped in a towel, Ben was gone, and she sat at her vanity  and brushed her wet hair, shivering as cold droplets of water dripped from the ends. She glanced in the mirror and then quickly away. She didn’t really want to look at herself at the moment.

Ben came back into the room with a tray of delicious smelling food. Y/N frowned. “You cooked?”

He snorted at the ridiculous question. “Of course not, I got the doorman to order us breakfast from Santino’s.”

Y/N nodded, but her frown stayed in place. “You know, that’s not really his job.” She said, voice chiding.

Ben looked at her for a minute. “Well I tipped him a hundred dollar bill, so I don’t think he minded.” He shook his head. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been in this mood for days and I’m getting fucking sick of it.”

Y/N shrugged and mumbled. “Sorry.” 

Ben set down the tray and caught her wrist as she stood up from the bench. “No, I mean it now, seriously Y/N, what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I told you. Jesus, just fucking drop it.” She barked at him. 

Ben’s scowl darkened and he quickly sat down on the bench she’d just vacated, yanking her across his lap. He pushed her towel up so her bare ass was exposed, swiftly cracking his palm down onto her damp skin.

Y/N screeched and fought against his hold. But he subdued her easily and delivered five more blows. “Explain your attitude right now.” He demanded.

Y/N sniffled. “I’m sorry, sir. I’m just…I've just been sleeping badly.”

Ben turned her in his arms so he was cradling her. “Yeah, I noticed. What’s causing the bad sleep?”

Y/N just shrugged and wiped her nose. “I dunno.” She said in a small voice.

Ben knew she was lying, but she looked up at him with her big, sad eyes. “I’m really sorry, B-, I mean, sir. I’ll behave myself, I promise.”

He knew he was being too soft with her; the attitude she’d been giving him for days now demanded punishment. But he found himself reluctant. He knew she was hiding something from him. She’d been fine on Tuesday morning when he left for the Tower - her usual sweet, bubbly, occasionally precocious self - but when he returned that evening she’d been moody and closed off. 

This brief spanking was the only consequence he’d doled out so far even though she’d been snapping at him and unresponsive for days. He contemplated flipping her back over and continuing the spanking, but her jutting bottom lip and watery eyes worked far too well on him and he sighed and stood her up beside the bench.

“Get into bed, eat some food, and then get some more sleep.” He ordered.

“Yes, sir.” She said, obeying reluctantly.

But over the next two days nothing really improved. She wasn’t snapping at him as often, but she was still quiet and subdued. Ben tried a few times to distract her, kissing her and touching her gently, but though she never denied him, her responses were far from passionate and Ben wasn’t about to force her to sleep with him. 

Finally, nearly a week after her moodiness had begun, she pushed Ben a step too far, and he realized he had no choice but to take action, for her sake.

They were eating dinner and Y/N started to pour a cup of coffee to have with dessert. But Ben stopped her. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be drinking coffee so late in the evening. You’re having a hard enough time sleeping as it is.”

She shrugged. “I’ll be fine.” She said as she poured herself a cup from the carafe on the table.

“Y/N, I said no.” His voice was firm, but she just ignored him and took a deep gulp of coffee.

He grabbed onto her wrist to stop her drinking more. “Did you hear me?”

Y/N yanked her arm out of his grasp, her face thunderous, temper ignited. “I heard you, but why do you fucking care?” Y/N screeched. She threw the cup of hot coffee at him and it smashed against the arm he held up in front of his face just in time.

As he lowered his arm he saw Y/N’s jaw drop, almost as though she was unable to believe what she’d just done. “Ben, oh god, I don’t…” She trailed off, her hands covering her mouth.

Ben brushed away the chips of pottery that clung to his shirt from the smashed mug. His voice was ice when he spoke. 

“Get into that fucking bedroom, and get into position. Right fucking now.” 

“Ben -”

“Now!” He bellowed and Y/N bolted out of the room.

Ben bent to pick up all the broken pieces of the cup and sank into his chair. He shook his head; she’d left him no choice.

***

Y/N sat on her knees in her bra and panties, head bowed, waiting for Ben to come dole out punishment. She knew she deserved whatever she got. She couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to correct her behavior. She knew she was being insufferable and incredibly disobedient. But she couldn’t pull herself out of this place she’d sunk after the phone call on Tuesday morning.

Ben walked in and Y/N’s breathing picked up. He came to stand directly in front of her but she kept her head lowered until he spoke.

“Look at me.”

Y/N looked up and the unrelenting anger on his face made her shiver. He was dressed in his green super suit as he always was when he was disciplining her. 

“Obviously,” he started, “I’ve been far too lenient with you this week. I was hoping that little spanking the other day would be enough to straighten you out, but I was very wrong. So now…it’s clearly time for something more severe.”

He walked away but Y/N didn’t let her eyes follow him, dropping her gaze back to the ground. She could hear him moving things around in their closet and knew he was digging out the instruments of her punishment. She heard the snap of a leather belt and closed her eyes. 

After five minutes of silence Ben returned to stand in front of her and tilted her chin up so she was looking at him again. “My over-the-knee spanking clearly wasn’t enough to set you straight, so I’ll have to try a little harder.” 

He snapped his fingers and she knew that was her cue to stand. “Bend over the end of the desk, arms out to the sides. Hold on.”

Y/N did as she was told. From behind her, Ben continued explaining.

“I’m going to spank you in three different ways. There's power in threes, it really drives home a point. First, I'll use a wooden paddle on your ass. Then, my leather belt on your pussy, and lastly, a cane to your tits.”

Y/N felt her breath kick up and fear lodge in her throat.

“You will receive a total of sixty strokes. Thirty with the paddle, twenty with the belt, and ten with the cane.”

Y/N’s stomach flip-flopped. “Sir, please…” she began, but Ben cut her off.

“And since you seem to enjoy quiet so much this week, you will take every single stroke without making a sound.”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she looked over her shoulder, “Sir I-”

“Starting this second!” Ben barked out, immediately silencing her. “Face front.” He ordered and she swung her head back to face the door of the bedroom. 

“I mean it, you disobedient little brat. I don’t want to hear a single word from you, not a whimper. If you cry, you'll do so silently.” He leaned close to her ear and growled his warning. “You disobey me again and you will regret it. Do you understand? You may speak to answer.”

“Yes, sir.” Y/N said, almost breathless.

“What will be the one exception to my rule of silence?”

“Belgium.” Y/N answered in a whisper, stating her safe word.

“That’s right.” 

He straightened up and moved away to get the paddle. “Now, you’ve been paddled once before,” he said from across the room, “that time you came home late and didn’t call. But that was only ten strokes. No doubt, this will make a bigger impression.”

She heard him move into position behind her and then heard the familiar sound of the heavy wooden board whistling through the air before landing with a hard thwack on her ass; her white cotton panties offered very little protection and she bit down on her lip to stop from crying out. 

“One.” Ben counted.

Once again the paddle whooshed through the air before it smacked hard against her ass, the sound of pine hitting skin reaching her ears just before the burning pain spread out across her ass cheeks. 

“Two.”

And on he continued, spreading the blows across her whole ass, along with a few to the very tops of her thighs.

After the fifteenth blow, Ben stepped back and admired the red he could see blooming just under the bottom of her panties. The red of the spanking contrasted with the white cotton very nicely.

After giving her ass a moment’s break Ben gave his order. “Take your panties down. Leave them just at the top of your thighs.” He instructed not wanting to lose the pretty color contrast.

Y/N shifted painfully and pushed at her panties until they were down over her ass and framing her cheeks.

When he started in again Ben targeted the thickest part of her ass, just above her thighs. He maneuvered the paddle in an upswing and landed an incredibly stinging blow, making her flesh jiggle.

“Sixteen.”

After twenty strokes, the heat was radiating off of her ass like an oven. The apples of her ass cheeks were stained purple and red, thick welts decorating her soft skin. Ben could see her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. 

But he hardened his resolve and delivered the last ten strokes, the impact so hard that he raised her feet off the ground with every blow.

“Thirty.” He said as the last one landed. He moved away to set down the paddle and then came back to rub his hands across her bruised and battered ass.

“All of this could have been avoided, kitten, we could have been having a much more pleasant evening if you hadn't decided to act like such an unbearable brat all fucking week.”

Y/N nodded, remaining silent, and Ben sighed. “Stand up. Pull up your panties.”

She obeyed and when she moved to face him, Ben saw the pain that spasmed across her face and he wiped away some of the tears that still fell. “That’s gonna hurt a long time, baby. You’re probably gonna wear this lesson on your skin for a week or more.”

Y/N lowered her gaze and Ben recognized her look of true contrition. He tipped her chin up. “You may speak. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Why are you being so disrespectful?”

But though she had permission, she remained silent, merely shrugging and shaking her head.

Ben sighed again, more frustrated than ever. He shook his head and spoke with firm resolve. “Okay, you need more pain to remind you who you answer to, I guess.” He pointed angrily at the bed. “Lay down flat on your back, with your ass at the very foot of the bed.”

Y/N complied immediately. When she was laying flat, grimacing from the pain of the pressure on her abused ass, Ben approached, holding a rope, and grabbed her right ankle. He raised it high in the air and spread it out wide, strapping it to the bedpost tightly. He repeated the action with her left leg so she was stretched wide open, her cunt on full display. 

Ben moved to the table where Y/N could now see he had his implements laid out. He picked up a particularly thick leather belt and brought it over to where she lay. 

“Okay, kitten, same rules. Keep your mouth shut, or you’ll regret it. Belgium is there for you to use, always.”

Y/N nodded and closed her eyes, biting her lip. She’d had her pussy whipped a few times, but it was never more than a few strokes and even then the pain had been incredibly intense. At least these strokes weren’t going directly onto her clit.

But as Ben brought the leather down to crack against the incredibly delicate skin of her pussy, it didn't feel like much of a difference. She raised her hips off the bed in an instinctive need to get rid of the sting. Again her thin cotton panties were no barrier as Ben rained fire down onto her cunt.

“One.” He stated in a firm voice and Y/N wanted to weep at the idea of starting the pain over at one.

As Ben continued the punishment at a slow but steady pace, Y/N considered using her word and making him stop so she could spill her heart out to him, and try to make sense of the pain that had been sitting in her gut for a week, pain that stung almost as much as the blows landing on her skin. 

But she was ashamed, she felt worthless, and she realized in that moment that she’d been egging Ben on all week, practically begging to be punished. She wanted to feel this pain, she couldn’t articulate her other pain, but this she could understand. She knew how to take this - this pain obscured the rest.

“Ten.” Ben called out with the latest blow. She knew what was coming before it happened as he set down the belt beside her head. He grabbed hold of her panties and shredded them as he ripped them from her body.

He looked down and clicked his tongue. “Jesus Christ, baby.” He pushed a finger through the dripping slick that glistened on her reddened pussy lips. “This is a punishment. You are not supposed to be getting off on it.”

Y/N felt her cheeks flush. She couldn’t help the way her body responded to Ben’s punishments. The pain never failed to blossom into heat that swept through her whole body and made her pussy weep. 

Ben tutted again before picking up the belt to continue. The next blow landed on her bare pussy and the agonizing, fiery sting made her bite her lip till it bled to stop from making a noise. 

“Eleven.”

By the time he reached nineteen, Y/N had also curled her hands into such tight fists that there were crescent moons cut into her palms from her fingernails. And then he brought down the last stroke and it landed so hard that a short squeal burst out of Y/N's throat despite everything she was doing to keep silent. 

Ben dropped his arm to his side and Y/N could hear the actual disappointment in his voice when he spoke; it made her want to cry.

“You are just determined to disobey me over and over. I thought you were my good girl. What's happened to my good girl, huh?”

Y/N pushed up on her elbows so she could see Ben's face. She opened her mouth and then closed it. 

“Speak.” Ben said briskly.

“I didn't mean to sir. I'm so sorry. I'm trying to be your good girl. Please don’t hate me too.”

The words just slipped out of her and she hadn’t even known they were there. 

Ben’s face darkened. “What are you talking about?” He asked. “Who said anything about hating you? I’m just disappointed. Disappointed that you’ve been disobeying me over and over, and yes, angry at your disrespect.”

He ran a soothing hand over her raw pussy, pushing his middle finger into her slick folds to tease her clit. Y/N gasped and then met Ben’s gaze and saw the truth in his bright, beautiful green eyes as he spoke. 

“But Y/N, I discipline you because I care about you, so that you know I care about what we mean to each other, about our roles in this relationship. I punish you because I care about how you conduct yourself. And sometimes I discipline you with pain because I know you crave it, crave the release of it.”

Tears streamed down Y/N’s face as she realized just how right he was. She had been craving the release of pain, the release of the pain that sat unmoving in her heart. All week since the phone call with her father she’d been down, heartbroken and feeling worthless. 

It had been almost a year since she’d spoken to him. He’d made it clear a long time ago that he thought she was just a pathetic loser, and he was ashamed of her. But she’d called to tell him that she was dating THE Soldier Boy, that they lived together in a fancy apartment and she was spoiled and cared for. She thought it might make him see her as valuable - the fact that someone important wanted her.

Instead he’d told her he wasn’t interested in hearing about her whoring ways, that he didn’t want to know what rich old man was acting as her sugar daddy. He’d called her disgusting and an embarrassment. He told her he didn’t want her associating with his new family, he didn’t want his children soiled by her.

The words had sunk deep into her skin and had been cutting her ever since. 

Now, as she laid there, exposed and completely vulnerable, in the most visceral and literal way possible, she began to confess everything. Ben quickly untied her legs from the bedposts so he could sit beside her and pull her into his lap. She told him everything, whispering her father’s cruel words, embarrassed by how true they felt.

When she fell silent, Ben shook his head. “Y/N why wouldn’t you tell me this earlier? I would have handled your punishment very differently.”

She shook her head. “No, I wanted to be punished. I deserve it.”

Ben kissed her forehead. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t have punished you. You disobeyed me all week and refused to let me into your problems, you do deserve to be disciplined. But I told you, I would have done it differently.”

Y/N sniffed. “How?”

Ben smiled. “I would have taken you over my knee again. I would have held you close to me and reminded you over and over that I’m only punishing you because I know how special you are, because I know what a good girl you can be. I would have made sure you know that if I didn’t care about you,” he paused and then pressed a brief kiss to her lips, “if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t discipline you, I wouldn’t care enough to.”

He wiped away her tears. “And I would have made you come on my fingers between punishments to make sure you know that even though you might deserve to be punished sometimes, you definitely deserve to be pleasured all the time.”

Y/N’s tears ran unchecked once again as Ben continued. “Instead I was disciplining you harshly because I didn’t know what was causing your terrible behavior and I needed you to know I wouldn’t stand for it endlessly. I gave you so many chances this week, why didn’t you reach out to me?”

Y/N shrugged. “I was embarrassed. I was afraid that…” She buried her face in his chest, the material of his suit rough against her cheeks. “I was afraid you’d hear his words and think he was right.”

Ben huffed. “Ridiculous.”

“And,” Y/N continued, “and honestly I just couldn’t understand how I was feeling to even try to explain. Part of me wanted to not care about him, and part of me wanted to crawl into a ball and cry forever. So,” she shrugged again, “I just acted out.”

Ben sighed and then kissed the top of her head. “Well, I’d say your discipline has been severe enough. That can be all for tonight.”

But to his surprise Y/N shook her head. “No, don’t…you set out a punishment, I shouldn’t get out of it just cause I cried and finally told the truth. You taught me that. Once a punishment is set, it needs to be seen through, no matter how sorry I get after.”

Ben frowned. “But Y/N, I told you, if I’d known the truth, I would have disciplined you a lot less harshly.”

“But you only didn’t know the truth because I kept it from you.” When Ben opened his mouth to argue again, Y/N interrupted him. “Please, Sir.” She said in a whisper. “I need the pain. And I need you to…to show me you care enough to correct me when I do wrong.” She shrugged. “I also made a noise when it was forbidden to do so, so I need to be punished for that too.”

She looked up at him and her eyes were misty. “Let me show you that I can be your good girl again.”

Ben took a deep breath and nodded, pride shining in his eyes. “Then get down on your knees, kitten, and show me how good you are.”

Jensen:

@lyarr24

@lacilou

@deans-spinster-witch

@globetrotter28

@suckitands33

@akshi8278

@evznackles

@jackles010378

@impala67rollingthroughtown

@krazykelly

@candy-coated-misery0731

@envyaurora95

@spnwoman

@deans-baby-momma

Any/All:

@kazsrm67

@slut-for-evans-stan

@sexyvixen7

@nancymcl

Everything Incl. Fan Edits:

@k-slla

@leigh70

@eevvvaa

@kickingitwithkirk

@foxyjwls007

@notinthislife50

@roseblue373

@mishkatelwarriorgoddess

@avanatural

@eevvvaa

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

[yumemiyas-wips]

All of you SHUT UP and read this.

FULL TRANSCRIPT OF POST BELOW.

Two “rival” Chinese lesbian fic writers submit anonymous posts about each other on Weibo (Chinese twitter).

**I AM NOT the OOPs.** Two authors in the same lesbian fic writing community anonymously submitted posts to a Venting for Writers account on Weibo (https://t.co/BBxcEnSiJ4) (Chinese twitter). Source of the screenshots (https://twitter.com/juexias/status/1615339261611610115) in Chinese from @juexias on Twitter.

Mood Spoilers: CUTE, SWEET, WHOLESOME

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Submission by first author to the Venting for Writers account (https://twitter.com/silencedhawks/status/1615417962693033990?s=20) *Translations done by @silencedhawks on twitter.* — 27 December 2022

Both myself and another writer are quite famous within the same circle. We write and produce content at around the same speed. We don’t interact much between each other, but we have a bit of a little rivalry going on. For example, if she published a piece, tomorrow I have to publish one too. I can’t let her take up the trending spot on her own. We take up half of the trending spots without giving into each other, so we compete quite passionately against each other in secret.

But these two weeks I scrolled, and she didn’t appear, so I checked her profile and realized she was down with a very high fever and had been uncontactable. For a moment the Christmas gift fic I had became bland and tasteless.

When I finished reading, I was really scared. I immediately used my reader QQ account to ask her what happened and found out that she didn’t manage to snatch medicine in time and had been sick in bed for four days straight. After hearing that, I sent half a box of ibuprofen and fever reducers to her overnight. Now I just hope she’ll get better faster so I can properly and fairly beat her up. **The victory of being on top feels hollow when she isn’t here.**

And when she was lying in bed, I seriously thought it over. I concluded that her prose has too many irrelevant words and complicated sentences. What can be said in ten words she says in more than a hundred, apart from the complicatedness, it isn’t that good.

But compared to the others in the fandom, if I had to pick one, her writing is still more acceptable. Amen.

Response post (https://twitter.com/silencedhawks/status/1615423341594308608) by the second author (https://twitter.com/silencedhawks/status/1615423358556045312?s=20) (the one who got sick). *Translations done by @silencedhawks on twitter.* — 15 January 2023

Hello Bot, have some ibuprofen a reader sent me.

This is what happened: A week before Christmas, a lot of people from my school returned to their hometowns. On my way back, I caught COVID and fell sick, and ended up spending the entire Christmas in bed. I was really miserable during that time. I didn’t stock medicine. Even the fever meds I had were from begging my maternal grandma’s neighboring village. My family is a little special, I was brought up by my grandma. She’s getting on in years now and I absolutely don’t dare to let her take care of me.

With no one to take care of me and no medicine, the side effects of COVID left me bedridden and half-dead. Even after the fever went down on the third day, my head still felt like it was exploding with pain, like someone was prying it open from my temples all the way to my forehead.

After I felt a bit better, I decided to bury myself in blankets and check my phone to see how popular the fic I posted was, how many comments there were, in order to cheer myself up. I write in a small circle. Even though I’m not as popular as another writer who writes drabbles in the same circle, I have more comments and a very stable fanbase. Sometimes I manage to get on the rankings too.

There’s a reader who will always leave me meaningful comments on the content of each chapter and is very good at directly pinpointing what I wanted to convey. So I have a very distinct impression of her and later exchanged QQs with her. After exchanging QQs, I found out that she’s very lively and cute, like one of the cats I used to raise. Even through the screen, I can feel the lightness between her words. But she doesn’t use QQ often and is only online late at night.

Her command of language is very good. I asked her before if she would be open to collabing with me, but she said that she may not have the standards and time to churn out fic, and that the most she can do is some shallow writing. It was this reader that sent me medicine after hearing I got COVID. When she sent me the parcel number, it had only been half an hour since we talked.

The medicine had a paper note on it with nice handwriting. Below the note, four tablets of fever medicine had been used and there was still more than half the box of ibuprofen. After I received it, I asked how she would cope without it, and she told me two hours later that she still has medicine at her house. And she said that she was too busy these few days and forgot to say happy Christmas, so was a bit embarrassed. And she sent a very cute sticker, carefully asking me if she could make up for it with a belated Christmas wish. Actually, when I received the medicine, I was already half recovered. But I still deeply remember her Christmas greeting.

She said happy Christmas, and remembered that after she herself had gotten COVID her throat hurt, so she also gave me a box of lozenges and told me not to forget to eat them. **After all, you have to eat sweets during Christmas.**

In that moment I really couldn’t reply because I was crying. I was crying so hard that I scared my grandma. Even though I’ve explained many times, she still believes that the “friend” who sent me medicine is definitely a boyfriend that I haven’t told her about.

The story I want to tell ends here. When I was writing this, she was shopping for CNY (across province) goods with me. After her holidays started, she came online more often but still occasionally lost contact sometimes.

During those times I kept looking at my phone and thinking, **“If heaven exists, I hope we can meet each other in the future.” If it doesn’t, I’m willing to write for her forever.**

(Reddit OP here. These were anonymous submissions and we are unlikely to get any updates from here so I consider it concluded. Side note: The author who got sick has some insane charisma. Get it girl.)

[power-chords]

Random post-COVID update: I got infected for the third time right before Thanksgiving and first tested positive 11/22/2022. I was testing consistently negative after a round of Paxlovid + Paxlovid “rebound” by 12/3/2022. I had an episode of post-exertional malaise and joint pain that following weekend which was triggered by going for drinks with friends on a Friday night and then sprinting close to a mile from the Garment District to catch a train at Grand Central. These are common symptoms of PASC (Long COVID) and I was totally flattened and very grateful it was a weekend because I would have been totally nonfunctional at work. My Adderall dose did nothing. All I could do was lie down and watch TV and sleep.

By that Monday I was OK, so I resumed commuting to work. I spoke to a friend of mine who had Long COVID for about eight weeks after his first acute infection and it was bad enough that his doctor didn’t even want him to fly — his symptoms were primarily respiratory. He’s an avid cyclist and in good physical shape. He saw a LC specialist who advised him that most people return to “normal” levels of physical exercise much too soon after acute COVID recovery and that appears to be a major trigger. The major takeaway is that you need 8-10 weeks of strict avoidance of “real” exercise, anything that isn’t walking around, housework, lifting stuff here and there, and ascending short flights of stairs. She sees a lot of LC in people who are young and were otherwise healthy and physically very active, which she doesn’t think is a coincidence. These people are getting sick, returning to hiking and cycling and running as soon as they feel better, and then wham, they get hit with classic LC symptoms. My friend was prescribed several weeks of sustained bed rest which fortunately he could take due to his job, and he made a full recovery from LC. He’s since resumed cycling and has gradually and carefully built himself back up to more or less where he was prior to infection.

So since my own infection and that bout with PEM and Joint Hurty, I have avoided booze (which is an inflammatory) and taken that advice and I have not done anything to get myself seriously sweating and pumping blood and catching my breath. I have also tried to keep my sleeping and eating schedules regular, with less success (lol). I am going to keep it up through the end of January, and per the advice of LC forums and subreddits I have also been supplementing with antihistamines at night and low dose Aspirin and getting plenty of hydration + electrolytes (mostly drinking Gatorade). It is now 1/8/2023 and I have not had any further flares of intense fatigue or joint pain. My experience is purely anecdotal and I can’t confidently say it will work for everybody, but it has definitely been working for me, so I thought I’d put it out there. Just because you feel you are recovered from COVID does not mean you’re out of the woods for Long COVID — do yourself a favor and be extraordinarily gentle with yourself as long as you possibly can.

[imaginethatneathuh]

Rejection: Technical Boy - American Gods

Technical Boy x friend!reader, romantic

Done for the January challenge by @americangodschallenges and edited by the amazing, wonderful, lovely @dragon430. Seriously, none of this would have been possible without her. Thank her, guys, thank her.

TW/CW: Rejection, arguments, yelling, physical violence (it’s brief but it’s there), and insults.

Word count: 3.8+K

•

Technical Boy laughed as if you'd told the funniest joke in the world. His chuckles bounced through the house, the echoes only hammering the spear of pain farther into your heart. After a few minutes, he finally quieted down, realizing you weren’t laughing with him.

"Oh, you’re serious? Okay, wow. Not expecting that.” He shifted in his place on the sofa, lifting his free hand to count his reasons. “Um, first of all, ew. Second of all, never say that again. And third of all, that is so gross, why would you say that in the first place?"

The sound of disgust in his tone was the last hit needed to drive the spear completely through your heart, shattering it into a billion, microscopic pieces. You knew he didn’t like you the way you felt for him, but you still found the courage to tell him. It was stupid, but you wanted him to know. After years of being friends, you thought he should at least know that you had developed more intense feelings for him. Yes, you expected him to reject you, but you never thought he’d be so harsh about it.

"Okay," your voice bubbled out as a quivering whisper, too filled with conflicting emotions to come out steady. “I should go. I have to work in the morning.” Standing to leave, you looked at him over your shoulder to see if this was just some sick joke of his.

He just stared at his phone and scrolled aimlessly. Without looking up, he questioned why you’d be leaving now. It wasn’t that late, and he knew for a fact, you always worked the late shift. You said yourself that you hated waking up early. He had no remorse for his words, and that broke your heart even more.

As the door slammed shut behind you, Technical Boy rolled his eyes. He'd see you tomorrow. He always did.

•

Water flooded out of the tub faucet. The cool water quickly warmed itself, and you couldn’t be more thankful for it. Taking off your clothes, you stepped in, closing the curtain behind you and turning the showerhead on.

Your heart squeezed in your chest as you breathed heavily. The water's warmth and a thick layer of steam surrounded you, helping your body untense slowly but surely. But as your mind relaxed, the more it decided to bring up the memory of Technical Boy’s rejection.

Sinking to the warming, slick floor of the tub, you pulled your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around them. Gently, you laid your head down and cried.

You hadn't expected him to like you back. That would have shocked you more than him hugging you. Still, his cruelty stung. His disgust burned you. He didn't need to go that out of his way to hurt you, to reject you. A simple no would have sufficed.

Water continued to cascade down. It did not judge your tears or your pain, one of the only things that wouldn’t. It, simply, was there, basking you int its warmth and surrounding you with the calming noise. The noise did not muffle your sobs, but it did make you feel less alone.

•

Hearing someone knocking at your door, you walked over, brushing away leftover tears and water droplets. Opening it, shock ran through you as you watched as Technical Boy stood there, scrolling through his phone. You didn’t open the door fully, not wanting him to see it as an invitation.

Technical Boy looked at you, nodding his head in nonchalance. “Hey,” he said.

Leaning against the door, you looked down. "What are you doing here?" You asked.

"Got bored. Kinda missed you. Had time to spare." He shrugged, slipping his phone away. The god acted as if yesterday didn't happen. Like he didn't reject you in such a cruel manner. "Does it matter?"

You wiped your nose, sniffling quietly. "Now isn't really a good time."

"Why? You have fun last night with someone or something like that?"

You could have punched him. First, he shows up, then acts like neither of you said anything about love or rejection, and now he's making jokes about you fucking someone? Rage boiled in you, but one look into his eyes and it all melted away. You hated how easily he could calm you without even knowing.

"What do you want, T?" You sighed.

"To talk to you. That would be nice." Getting closer, he pressed one hand against the door frame, leaning against it. "Come on, it'll only take a second. Maybe two."

Unable to say no, you moved aside, letting him in.

"Okay," you said, crossing your arms. "What do you want?"

Not even a second after the words left your mouth, Technical Boy pushed you against the wall and slammed his lips to yours in a harsh kiss. Your hands immediately flew up and cupped his cheeks as his hands settled on your hips, pulling you closer. Your bodies moulded together perfectly as if they were puzzle pieces made to do just that.

You tilt your head to deepen the kiss, but just as quickly as he kissed you, he pulled away.

The god stared at you for a moment before leaving in a rush without a word. For a moment, you stood there, using the wall as support, dazed and confused and very, very angry.

Your crush just kissed you like his life depended on it after rejecting you. Shit like that leaves people with mixed signals and emotions/ But, worst of all, the kiss left you utterly breathless and wanting more.

•

Technical Boy’s foot tapped repeatedly against the floor of his limo. He lifts his hand to his lip and bites the corner of his thumbnail in concentration. His mind plagued with the realization of what he’d done, thoughts flowing back and forth like waves.

First, he rejected you, rather cruelly, he might add. After which, he showed up at your place, acting as if nothing happened. Then, he kissed you. He fucking kissed you. The one thing he swore to himself he wouldn't do.

Friends with benefits was totally something he'd be whatever about. Or just friends works, too. But, if he kissed you, as he did, that would mean he'd have to confront himself. That was not something he was ready to do.

He fell back into his seat with a sigh and stared at the roof of his car. If he closed his eyes, the young god could still feel your lips against his. He could still feel your body, the water droplets rolling off your skin, the heat of it, and your hands cupping his cheeks. He craved those feelings again. He’d had a taste and now he wasn’t ready to let them go.

But the god had made a mistake. One he had no idea how to fix besides ignoring it and leaving it broken. He didn’t want to leave it that way, though. The gods know he doesn’t want to, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place with no way out.

The limo rolled to a stop, and he stepped out with a huff. The ride wasn’t as long as he’d hoped.

The branches of large trees swayed lightly under the clear, blue sky of the countryside. A single white cloud drifted by, only to vanish behind the rolling green hills in the distance.

It smelled of wildflowers and grass, of mighty oaks and maples. It smelled of the wild and the unknown and the silent. If felt of them, too, as if every living being had a presence only he could feel. Birds sand melodiously high above him, flitting from one tree to another. The sun shone down, rays scattering to heat the dirt road and offer a little light through the emerald leaves.

He stopped and breathed deeply, enjoying the fresh air that nature offered him. He never really liked the outdoors until you came into his life and dragged him out all the time. He complained nonstop every time you did it to try and hide his happiness from spending time with you. But now he wonders if you had noticed, and that was the reason you did it so often.

Technical Boy shook his head to clear his thoughts and walked into the woods, old leaves and brittle twigs crunching and snapping beneath him. When he found himself far from the surrounding civilization, he screamed as loud as he could. It shattered the previous, blissful silence and echoed through the foliage, scaring every animal in a 20-foot radius of him away. He unceremoniously dropped to the forest floor, his throat burning from his shriek. But the ache didn’t stop the next scream of anger from rippling past his lips.

He was such a fucking idiot. If World ever found out how he felt for you, the bastard would use Technical Boy's love to his advantage. World could hurt you or have someone else do it for him. And that wasn’t something the god could deal with.

Technical Boy could lose you completely because of a stupid fucking mistake, and, as smart as he was, he had no idea how to protect you. From himself or World.

•

You said nothing when Technical Boy came home. Just stewed in your anger. The arsehole wasn't going to get a fucking word out of you. Not even a sound.

He sat on the sofa and pulled out his phone. Predictably, he didn't acknowledge what had happened a mere 2 hours ago.

Time passed slowly as the two of you refused to talk to the other for very different reasons. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, but neither of you wanted to act on it. After all, that would mean you’d be claiming defeat.

He threw an arm over the top of the sofa and continued his scrolling. His fingers tapped th back of the furniture to restrain himself from doing something rash. Whether that be to kiss you again like he’d bee longing for or to complain, he had no idea.

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. The silence and the glares you threw his way were too much, and he cracked.

"What?" he growled, scowling at you.

You looked up from your phone and shrugged in fake innocence. Out of sheer spite, you were downloading Tinder. Now, you had no idea if he could tell, but it did make you feel better.

The god's sneer deepened.

"You aren't seriously downloading fucking Tinder, are you?"

You shrugged again, not looking up. If you did you were sure you’d cave, and that wasn’t something you were planning on doing until he apologized.

"Y/N, stop giving me the fucking silent treatment and respond."

You simply flipped him off, starting to set up your Tinder profile.

He allowed himself to fall back into the sofa, his head falling onto the top. Defeated, he sighed. He couldn't muster the anger to be like that to you. Not right now.

"What do you want from me?" He asked, his head tilting to look at you. "Do you want me to apologize? Say, 'I'm sorry'? Well, I'm not. I'm not fucking sorry and I'm not ever going to be." He didn't know if he was talking about the kiss or the rejection, but either way, he was lying straight through the gap in his teeth. "I did what I did, Y/N. I can't change either of them."

Breaking your promise to yourself, you finally spoke.

"What I want is an explanation." You sat up quickly, your emotion taking over your actions. "Why did you reject me only to kiss me? It doesn't make any fucking sense."

He sighed and stood, walking away. He couldn't offer you that answer, not once that would satisfy you, anyway. You were always good at seeing through his bullshit.

"Don't walk away from me," you shout, reaching over and grabbing him before he could get far. "Just tell me why. That's all I want."

•

He pulled his arm free, anger starting to boil inside him. Not at you but at this situation. He just wanted to get away from it and act like it never happened, for your safety. But now he saw that won’t happen, so he has to solve it the hard way.

"Don't tell me what to do, Y/N. I'm a god," he growled, hovering over you. "You are nothing."

Your shoulders fell, and you step back in shock. The switch in his attitude wwas so quick it almost gave you whiplash, and his comment stung worse than a thousand wasp stings. And just like a wasp’s venom would infect a wound, Technical Boy’s words poisoned your mind with insecurities and sadness.

"You mean nothing to me. I kissed you because I felt like it. Because I could. Because I wanted to mess with you. No other reason but that. You're human," he sneers, looking you up and down in faux disgust. "You are a tiny little flea that does nothing but annoy me."

Tears slipped from your eyes, and he could feel his resolve weakening. He had to do this to you. He had to protect you. If that meant hurting you and chasing you away, then he would. As long as you were safe. As long as you were far from him.

As he watched your tears fall, he wanted nothing more than to pull you close and apologize over and over again. But he couldn't. Losing you like this, knowing you were alive and safe somewhere out there, was easier than admitting he cared for you and losing you in a far worse way to World. If he did this to you, you’d leave, and sure, it’d hurt for a time, but not forever. If he told you he cared and you were happy together, but he got upgraded, you’d lose him, and that would hurt you in a way he didn’t think you were ready to handle. And if World found out, he’d use you against him. World would hurt you, and if that did come to pass, Technical Boy wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Temporary heartbreak is easier than living a life loving one person that you can never be with.

He turned away from you. The god couldn't look at you; he couldn't look at what he'd done to you. "Get out," he said. "I never want to see you again."

That was a lie. A horrible, brutal lie that he hated to say.

And you hated to hear it even more. You knew it was a lie. He could never look you in the eye when he lied to you. He didn’t when he rejected you (you didn't know why you hadn't noticed at the time), he didn't when he was at your place, he didn't when he insulted you a few seconds ago, and he was doing it again.

"T-"

"Get out!" He shouted, fists clenching to keep himself rooted in his decision. "Just go."

Your arms shook, anger erupting at his untruthfulness. “No,” you said. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck the problem is.”

Years of friendship crumbled to dust as soon as you mentioned having a crush on him, and he gets like this. He acts like he never cared in the first place. It was fucking ridiculous, and you weren’t okay with taking his shite.

“Fuckin’ answer me, Technical Boy.” You stormed over, arms crossed and eyebrows creased in frustration.

“I hate you,” he said. “Now get the fuck out.”His back was still turned to you.

“No.” You stood firm and did your best not to let him get to you.

“Just go, Y/N! Just fucking get out of here!”

“N. O. Technical Boy. N. O. I am not leaving until you tell me why you’re so insistent on pushing me away and why you rejected me, only kiss me the next day. I want to know why you’re doing this to me. To us.”

“There is no us, okay. I was just using you! You’re a thing to me, not a person, not a friend. Nothing.” He turned to you and leant in closer, his face only a breath away from yours. “You mean nothing to me. Now go.” The god pointed to the door, hoping that this would be what pushed you away.

Getting in your face was a mistake of epic proportions that hit him like a brick in seconds. Not only could you see the hurt in his eyes but he was also close enough to--

“Fuck!” He shouted, stumbling back and grabbing his jaw in pain. His surprise quickly turned to anger. “What the fuck was that for?”

You glared at him. Your hand hurt from punching him, but you ignored it.

“What do you think it was for? Shits and giggles?” You spat. “Here, I’ll give you a fucking list, you arsehole.” Starting to count on your fingers, you named the things he’d done to you in the past 24 hours. “Lying, hurting me, insulting me, kissing me after rejecting, getting in my face. Oh, and did I already mention lying? Probably, but I’ll do it again because it’s really starting to piss me off.”

His nostrils flared as he straightened his spine. Internally, he knew he deserved it, but he couldn’t let you know that.

“Would you have rather I lie and tell you I liked you back?” The god challenged.

“No!” Your arms spread out. “I would have rathered you not fucking kiss me out of the blue! That’s what I would have rathered. I would have rather you just ignored my feelings for you than treat me like this.”

“I didn’t fucking start this, Y/N. This is on you.” He pointed at you, scowling.

You just laughed. “Me? I didn’t start this. You did as soon as you kissed me. All I wanted to know was why but then you started lying.”

He chuckled mockingly and looked away, his tongue poking at the skin under his lower lip inside his mouth. He was reaching his end, and he wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer.

“Just tell me, for fuck’s sake. That’s all I want!”

And that was his breaking point.

”You wanna know why I kissed you? Why I lied?” He asked, frowning and his hands on his hips. He had lost all his fight. You weren’t going to drop the subject until you learned the tuth, so that’s what he’ll have to tell.

“I did it because I care about you. Okay? That’s why. I kissed you because I have cared deeply about you for years, and I was being an impulsive idiot. I lied to you because I’m fucking scared, Y/N. I don’t want you to die because of me. World is dangerous and volatile, and we don’t have the best working relationship. If he felt like it, he could have you killed just to hurt me. And when I get upgraded, you’ll be left alone, not knowing what happened or where I am.” His voice lowered, his anger turning into fear and uncertainty.

His eyebrows scrunched together in sadness, his emotions bursting like water through a dam. “I’m a god. One of modernity. We either burn bright and fast or long and low. World and Media play the long game. They know how to use people and mortal connections against those that piss them off. I can’t- I can’t let them use you against me because I pissed them off. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I wouldn’t be able to handle losing you like that.”

Hearing his explanation, as good as it felt to finally know, made you cry. You hadn’t known that he cared about you like that. Maybe you were blind or stupid. Honest, you thought he never would care as anything more than a friend. But to hear this, his fear and love mixed together, it broke your heart.

“You care about me?” You asked, staring in disbelief.

“That’s what you got out of that?” He sniffled. “Out of all of what I said, the care part is the only one you picked up?”

“I stopped listening after that part, yeah.”

He laughed, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t believe you.” The god wiped away his tears. He looked at you with a pained smile.

Quietly, you walked to him, placing a hand on his cheek.

“We can’t,” he whispered. “For your safety, we can’t.”

“Says the guy who kissed me first,” you joked.

He nuzzled into your hand and kissed it before looking into your eyes. “I’m serious.”

“Then push me away.”

He couldn’t, and you knew it. So, once again, he kissed you, his lips moulding to yours perfectly. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, lips moving slowly in tandem with yours. He didn’t want to rush this like he did the last. He wanted to cherish it. His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you as close as possible. Impossibly close to where you could feel his heart hammering in his chest. You were sure he could feel yours as well.

“Just tonight,” he muttered, slightly pulling away so he could speak. “Then, never again.”

You nodded, pressing your forehead to his and rubbing it affectionately. You opened your mouth to answer, but when your eyes met his, it was like you were frozen in time. His expression was one you never wanted to forget.

His pupils were blown wide, almost encasing his beautiful, blue irises in inky blackness. But still, his eyes held so much emotion, it would take years to sort through them all. The most prominent being love as it overlapped everything else, burying the unimportant feelings to deal with later.

His hair and clothes were slightly dishevelled from the yelling match and pacing from earlier, but in this instance, it only made him seem more attractive. He sighed gently, and his breath fanned over your face, leaving a heat tingling over your skin and the smell of mint in its wake. He mumbled your name at your silence, leaning closer and just barely tapping his lips against yours.

“Just tonight,” your voice comes out as a whisper, your lips gracing over his as you pull him in for another kiss.

Both your eyes fluttered shut, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, twisting your fingers through his gorgeous locks and pulling lightly on the strands. He sighed into the kiss, squeezing fistfuls of your shirt and trying not to drag you closer to him, not that you could get any closer.

Those are the last sounds heard in the house as you and Technical Boy spend the rest of your night together. That would be the only time anything like that would happen, so you both were ready to milk it for everything it was worth

[not-close-to-straight]

Soul-Bonded (Spideypool)(Broken Wings)

Welcome back to the Broken Wings Verse! We meet Spideypool in this one and they are so fun!

PART TWO 

SERIES MASTERLIST HERE

************

*Note- This chapter starts in January after ‘All We Are Thankful For’ and before ‘May Flowers’

There wasn’t much room for a life outside the compound, not with Thor and Loki moved in semi-permanently and baby Maria being an adorable handful, or with Steve going through the worlds worst case of morning sickness and Tony running around taking care of the new baby and newly pregnant mate. 

Sam and Natasha were constantly off on missions, Bucky was still working through his post partum depression and Bruce spent hours alongside him in companionable silence, the scientist well versed in the some of the worst depths of depression and knowing that sometimes only a quiet presence was needed.

Pepper spent her days working at Stark Industries but after the Tower had been compromised, she’d moved full time into the compound to manage their functional chaos. Colonel Rhodes had a full career in the Air Force but after Obadiah had come for Tony, Rhodey had moved a little more into the compound every month until he finally set up an office in his suite of rooms and spent more days there than gone. 

So no, there wasn’t much room for a life that didn’t involve each other, that didn’t involve the entire family, that didn’t involve an activity inside the compound and the community and safety they had built together. 

In fact out of everyone in their home, Clint was probably the only one who ventured out just for fun. 

“Heads up, bird boy!” 

Well, fun and for the occasional conversation with the always wacky and almost always hilarious Alpha Wade Wilson. 

Clint tilted his head and listened to the whoosh that was Wade coming in for a no doubt terrible landing, scooted exactly six and a half inches down the bench, and waited with an expectant smile as the approaching Alpha tucked his wings and slid on the sidewalk gravel, missed the bench altogether and splatted onto the ground with an over loud ooph. 

“Every time.” Clint went back to eating his sandwich calmly. “Every damn time. You know, if you slowed down your entry thirty seconds sooner you wouldn’t end up eating dirt every time we hang out.” 

“But then I wouldn’t be able to impress you with my super slick moves.” Wade popped back up and brushed the gravel from his clothes, pushed his hoodie off just enough for Clint to see his smile, then pulled it back low over his face. “How’s it going? How’s that sandwich? I’m starving, gimme some.” 

“No way, my Alpha bought me this sandwich.” Clint scowled and batted Wade’s hands away. “Don’t you have an Omega to buy you food?” 

“My Omega is a starving college kid, now some hot bodied billionaire who somehow supports a weird sister-wife style harem in his super secret compound.” The Alpha said flatly, and then belatedly, “And also Pete isn’t my  Omega.” 

“Sure he’s not.” Clint broke off half of the purposefully large sandwich-- he always got extra when he was meeting Wade-- and passed it to the mercenary, careful to not touch him more than necessary. Not that the Omega minded the way Wade’s skin was calloused and rough and ruined, but he knew Wade was self conscious about it just like the Alpha was self conscious of his tattered wings, so Clint made sure to drop the food right into Wade’s palm so the Alpha wouldn’t jerk back if their fingers brushed. 

“You could come around you know.” Clint tucked his own wings back a little so they wouldn’t get in Wade’s way as they shared his lunch. “To the compound, I mean. I know you’re sort of anti-team work for some stupid reason, but you could bring your Omega and come to dinner. You said no to Christmas, but our regular dinners are pretty chill.” 

Wade made a one handed motion that was the equivalent of hell no and Clint signed back a quick, frustrated why not? 

“Why are we friends, Clint?” Wade wiped his mouth with his sleeve and felt around for the Omega’s drink, slurping at it loudly. “Beyond me being hilarious, you always having really great food and both us using sign language to make fun of people without them knowing.” 

“Only you do that, Bud. Not me.” 

“Omega, I learned how to sign just so I could talk shit with you about your teammates.” The Alpha countered. “And by the way? You were funnier before you got all mated up. You came around more often too. Where have you been?” 

“Having lots and lots of sex with my Alpha.” Clint was only half joking, but the smile on his face was wholly adoring, his cherry blossom scent soaking with happiness as he tilted his head to show off his silvered biting mark. “Ever since Afghanistan, Tony likes everyone to be home as much as possible and after we bonded and baby Maria came around, most of us just like to stay home anyway. You should try it some time.” 

“Bonding?” Wade asked blankly. “Staying home? Hanging out with Tony? Getting knotted up by your Alpha and having a kid? Which of those things should I try?” 

“This is why nobody likes you.” Clint huffed an amused chuckle, and the Alpha flashed him a ‘fuck off’ motion. “Seriously though. Come by the compound some time. Bring your non-mate. My Alpha is awesome, we’ve got plenty of extra room and trust me when I say you and the wall crawler won’t even be the weirdest ones around. The twins aren’t home right now but you’ll meet them eventually and Thor brought his sibling Loki for the holidays so it’s like having a Chippendales Dancer and a super sexy Morticia Adams hanging out all the time.”

Wade made an unimpressed noise and Clint finished, “If the Chippendales dancer made thunder every time he got naked and if Morticia answered to they/them pronouns and had an actual insane amount of magic. Your Omega would have a good time and you and I could talk all sorts of shit about them in sign language.” 

“I thought you didn’t talk shit about people in sign language.” The Alpha mocked, and Clint just rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I knew you were lying about that.” 

“If I admit I talk crap about all the wacky people I know, will you consider bringing your Omega around to meet my family?” 

“Pete’s not my Omega.” the answer was almost routine by now, the Alpha’s rough edged scent dipping towards melancholy for just a split second before lightening again so Wade could deliver his usual load of bullshit-- “Annnnnd I mean, I’ve seen your Alpha and don’t get me wrong, Tony’s hot and his butt is ridiculous and I have always considered a billionaire sugar daddy crucial to my life. But I’m not one of those Alphas that is okay letting another Alpha do the uh--” 

This time Wade’s motion was less of a signed word and more of a crude gesture. “-- you know? And your Alpha seems like the type to be… Alpha-y.” 

“First of all, my Alpha’s gorgeous and everyone in the world knows it.” Clint readily agreed. “Second of all, if you think Tony is all Alpha-y all the time, you should see him with Sam and Thor. And third--” 

“--wait seriously, Ol’ Ironsides takes it from Ye Olde Thunder God and the red-feathered counselor guy?” 

“--third, I didn’t mean for you and your Omega to come around in any romantic way. Peter is younger than the twins and I know you don’t do the whole multiple partner and poly thing, and that’s fine.” Clint held up both hands peacefully, feathers flicking out to brush just lightly against Wade’s arm in understanding. “It’s fine, we don’t expect everyone to be even remotely okay with how we live, but hey. You’re still welcome at the table and in the compound. We’re sort of the patron family for misfits and lets be honest, Wade. You and your mate are freaking misfits.” 

“Thanks for that.” 

“No it’s fine.” Clint insisted. “You guys would fit right in with the former Winter Soldier, the basement dwelling genius with the anger issues, the twins with their whole mutant thing and the trickster god that babysits my niece-y.” 

The Omega finished his sandwich and licked his fingers clean. “And that isn’t even mentioning the recently defrosted super soldier, the ex-super spy and world’s deadliest ballerina, a bonafide full bird Colonel in the United States Air Force and of course Pepper, who is an enigma all on her own. It would be fun.” 

“It sounds like it would be fun.” The Alpha admitted begrudgingly, and Clint raised his eyebrows hopefully, “So you’ll come around?” 

“I’ll see if it fits into my shockingly busy social calendar, I might be able to fit it in between staring into the abyss and wallowing in self loathing.” Wade rolled his shoulders and shook his charcoal wings out, the tattered edges nearly touching Clint before falling away. “It’s my night to get burgers for the best booty in the city, so I gotta run. I’ll buy you a cheeseburger first though, if you want. You still hungry? Pretty Omega like you needs to keep his strength up.”

“I’ve got an Alpha who buys me all the cheeseburgers I could possibly want, remember?” Clint pointed out. “And by the way, what’s with you not calling Peter your Omega? Aren’t you two basically soul bonded?” 

“Soul bonded, schmoul bonded.” The Alpha scoffed, but his frame hunched and feathers fluttered uncertainly. “That’s not a real thing.” 

“It’s absolutely a real thing.” Clint countered right back. “You’re going to sit here and tell me you don’t think I’m soul bonded to my Alpha?” 

“Well--” 

“Or to the other Omegas?” 

“Sheesh Clint, I dunno--” 

“Or to Sam and Tasha or Pepper or Bruce or Rhodey just cos I’m not physically mated to them?” The Omega’s blue eyes flashed in annoyance and deep within his hood, Wade’s shifted red for just a second at the open challenge. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’d call any one of them mate just like I call my Alpha mate.” 

“Not all of us get multiple mates.” Wade stood to his feet rather abruptly, and pulled his sleeves down over his hands, secured his hood closer around his face. “Hell, some of us were lucky to get a first mate and know there’s no chance at a second.” 

“Is that what you think?” Clint’s wings dropped in sympathy for his friend. “I bet Peter feels different.” 

“I’ll never know, cos I’ll never ask.” Wade might have been volatile and wild, but he was still an Alpha so he stood with damaged wings spread wide and protective while Clint stood up and patted at his pockets to check for wallet and phone. “You want me to wait with you until a cab comes?” 

“A cab.” Clint outright laughed at him. ��I’m bonded to Tony Stark, Wade. Do you think I take a cab anywhere?” 

A sleek limo rolled up to the corner and the Alpha sighed, “Right. You took a limo worth more than my entire life just to share a sandwich with some asshole on a street corner.” 

“Damn right I did.” Clint lifted his wings in a friendly goodbye. “Think about what I said, Wade. You and Peter would be welcome in our home.” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

The Alpha stood there on the corner until the limo disappeared into traffic, wings hugged close to his body and skin covered as possible so no one would get close and stare. He didn’t really need to worry of course-- people generally gave Wade a wide berth even if they didn’t notice his fucked up face and mutilated wings. Wade scented like danger and his mutation made him scent like wrong and if his scent wasn’t enough, his size and glare was usually enough to keep people walking. 

But there was one person, one Omega in the city who not only seemed to enjoy the way Wade scented but seemed to almost crave it, who didn’t shy away from the Alpha’s skin but was always trying to curl in closer. 

Clint was nice and honestly the Omega had come to be a hell of a friend, but Wade had his heart and eyes and soul set on someone else, even if deep in the center of his being he knew it wouldn’t ever work out. 

From Peter: Where are you, Merc? I got our food nights mixed up and bought food when it was your turn, and I’m not saying I’m gonna eat eight burgers, but I am saying I’m freaking starving so maybe get here before the food disappears.

From Wade: On my way.

****************

It was always like this. 

“Omega.” Wade never meant to address Peter as Omega when they met up after not seeing each other for a few days, and he never meant for his wings to present but that’s what happened anyway. Omega and shabby feathers opening wide in a hopeful greeting and even though Wade always meant to hide and play it cool, to call the Omega Pete and scoff at the way Pete said he’d missed him--

--it was always like this, and Wade could never hide.

“Alpha.” Peter was gorgeous, all long legs and lean limbs and beautifully full wings, maroon feathers and only the very tips of his primaries colored so dark blue they were almost black, big eyes and a bigger smile as he all but ran across the rooftop to get to Wade. “Alpha.” 

“Hey baby boy.” Yet another thing Wade never meant to say, but it came so easy just like it was easy to gather Peter up into a hug and lose himself in the warmth of the Omega’s arms for way too long. 

“Did you uh--” it was always like this, Wade clearing his throat and trying to act unaffected and failing spectacularly because there wasn’t an inch of his body that wasn’t dialed to a thousand in Peter’s presence. “--so did you save me any food?” 

“I….” Peter hesitated, drew the word out. “I planned to? But you took so long that I ate all the burgers and had to go get you more food.” and then softer, “Sorry?” 

“You’re not sorry.” the Alpha shoved Peter away, and then just as quickly grabbed him back and Peter laughed in delight and pressed up to his side as they headed towards their regular hang out spot up against the massive AC unit. “What’s up, why are you so hungry?” 

“Heat’s coming up.” Peter flopped gracelessly down onto the roof and dug into the newest bag of food, tore open a taco and crammed half of it into his mouth then passed the bag over to Wade, tucked his wings in and patted the floor so the Alpha would sit down right next to him. “I’m starving all the time right now, so whatever you don’t eat just throw my way.” 

“When are you due?” It was absolutely crazy that Wade could even get a sentence out right now, because the thought of Peter in heat never failed to make his blood pressure sky rocket. To make matters worse the Omega was always so damn casual about it, always so damn nonchalant as if the word heat didn’t make Wade half feral with immediate need. 

“Early next week.” Peter swallowed an obscene amount of taco and grabbed for the soda, draining half of it in one go. “You uh--” the Omega wiped his mouth and shot a curious look over at Wade, his wings lifting hopefully. “You want to help?” 

Shit. 

It was always like this. 

Peter would ask Wade to share his heat, Wade would come up with some bullshit excuse--

“Nah, Pete. Next week I plan to be tanning my ass on the beach.” 

“Nah, Pete. I’m practicing abstinence, Sister Margaret's is actually a convent, not a bar.” 

“Nah, Pete--” 

Just nah, Pete because even though Wade took great pleasure in knotting the super powered Omega up outside of heat, inside of heat was a different story. 

Peter’s heat meant rut for Wade, meant that the Alpha’s already volatile emotions would lash out of control, that when Peter said more Wade would give him too much, that when the Omega gasped yes Wade would lose his mind, that if Peter so much as offered up a square inch of his neck Wade would bite him and mate him and then the pretty perfect Omega would be locked into a bond with a monster like him and that was just awful. 

“Nah, Pete.” he said today, and it was always like this, soul deep loathing and heart ache that made his head spin when the Omega’s bright eyes dimmed and slid away. “I uh--I already made plans for this weekend. Other friends.”

“You don’t have friends other than me.” Peter accused good naturedly, but his honeysuckle scent had already dipped in sadness, his feathers rustling uneasily as he gathered them tighter around himself. “If you aren’t ready to hear me challenge your manhood by shrieking you aren’t knotting me fast enough, that’s fine. Just admit it.” 

“I can fully admit that my manhood will not survive being shrieked at because I can’t pop a knot fast enough.” Wade deadpanned and Peter laughed and Wade laughed, and they moved on because that’s what they always did. 

After a moment Peter even relaxed enough to let his wings down again and he was gratified when Wade immediately moved close enough for their feathers to mingle. 

It had taken a long time for the Alpha to get to the point of being comfortable showing his wings and skin to Peter, and it had taken even longer for Wade not to jerk away every time Peter got close. It had been countless conversations and reassurances, quiet admissions in the dark as they patrolled the city, louder arguments when their partnership tipped towards friendship and Peter didn’t have to mince his words so much and it was the night Peter tried to kiss the Alpha that Wade had finally snapped and shouted. 

“I’m ruined, Omega, pretty Omega. Ruined and I don’t want to ruin you by getting too close so leave me the hell alone! Back off!” 

But there wasn’t a shy bone in Peter’s body, and he might have been an Omega but the spider-y mutation and instincts led him towards predator so he’d matched the big Alpha step for step, inch for inch as they back tracked through an alley and up to a brick wall. 

“I’m not much in the habit of running away.” he’d hissed into Wade’s ear, held his wings back and away so they didn’t touch but dug his own fingers into the Alpha’s feathers and ripped a groan of pure arousal from Wade’s throat. “Not from bad guys, not from monsters, not from the Alpha I want as mine.”

“Pete--” 

“Show me your wings.” Peter demanded and the Alpha had growled at him. “Show me your skin. Show me your ruin and see if I don’t find you beautiful.” 

They had kissed then, kissed and kissed and kissed, bit at each other and growled and wrestled because Wade was strong but Peter was stronger and the Omega pushed the Alpha right to the brink and then a little bit further until Wade had roared, ‘Settle’ and charcoal wings burst high above his back and arced over their bodies, cast Peter in a shadow and blacked out the moon and it was just them.  

“Beautiful.” Peter had whispered, and Wade’s kiss had left him bleeding, aching, yearning for more. 

“My Alpha.” he’d whispered and the weight of the Alpha’s knot had left him sore and limping and ready to bare his neck and beg for Wade’s bite. 

But it wasn’t meant to be, not yet, so instead it was always like this. 

Rooftop meet ups for dinner before patrol. Late night scans of the city. Chasing down baddies and laughing at each other for being dangerous dorks. Going two or three nights without hanging out and Wade’s voice was a rumble when he called Omega and Peter could never stop his wings from snapping out wide to present for his intended mate. Sex that was the only time Wade wasn’t shy about his skin, about his mutation-ruined feathers, about eyes that stayed blood red more often than they were hazel because he ran so close to feral. 

...heat that the Omega spent alone because it was the only thing Wade ever said no to, the only thing the Alpha ever denied him, the only time Peter’s smile ever dimmed or his wings ever fell away or there was ever an awkward silence. 

Soul-bonded, Auntie May called it, in all her infinite wisdom. Peter and Wade were soul bonded and that mattered more than whether or not the Alpha would ever be ready to bite him, whether or not Peter ever got tired of waiting and tried to move on to Harry or Matt or even Eddie who knew and understood his life and would have been so pleased to have an Omega like Peter at their side. 

Soul-bonded, Clint had called it. Peter and Wade were soul bonded like he and Tony’s other Omega mates were soul bonded, like he and the Betas were soul bonded because at some point it stopped being about the actual act of mating and biting each other and became more about what their hearts needed and souls fulfilled and that was what mattered. 

Soul-bonded, like Vanessa used to say before she’d gone and taken everything beautiful about Wade’s world with her. Meant to be together even when the world looked on and couldn’t believe it, drawn together beyond anything that made sense or felt normal, made for each other and suddenly whole. 

Soul-bonded and both Peter and Wade knew it was true, and the knowing had to be enough for now. 

This had to be enough for now, so Peter spent January’s heat alone, calling Wade in between rounds to talk and laugh and maybe just once, just twice reminding the Alpha that he could come over and it would be fine, that they could get lost in rut together and it would be fine. 

But Wade said no because he always did, then he made up for it on Valentines Day when he bought Peter no less than three dozen different bouquets of various flowers, paid a barbershop quartet to serenade Peter at his day job for the Daily Planet and then bought out an obscene amount of chocolate so they could eat it together beneath the stars on their favorite rooftop. 

It wasn’t heat and it wasn’t a bite, but it was Wade being willing to be bare with Peter later that night in his apartment, nothing but maroon feathers brushing against tattered charcoal wings as they dug quickly healing bruises into each other’s hips and let kisses get sharp and messy. Peter showed off that endlessly acrobatic agility and jaw dropping strength to take exactly what he needed from his Alpha over and over until he was heavy and full and Wade was still driving into him because soul bonded wasn’t close to enough but they had to pretend it was enough for now. 

Spring in the city brought earlier sunrises and warmer nights and sometime around Spring Break when the colleges emptied and their usual patrol routes were slower, Peter and Wade found time to be slower too. They lingered over meals and lingered over kisses and sometimes when the Omega moved just right the Alpha would catch him up closer, Peter would tip his head and purr and Wade would come within a fraction of giving in to every instinct in his body and taking what his Omega was so ready to offer. 

Spring heat was harder than the others, an Omega’s body surging with the same urges and needs that had filtered through every piece of creation since the beginning of time. Spring meant new life, meant survival, meant a second chance at what the Winter had kept so cold. Spring meant mating, it meant bonding, biting and breeding and the Omega was lush, he was lush and his wings were full and presented upwards whenever Wade so much as smiled at him. 

One Spring night they were lost in a kiss that was set to consume Peter’s very soul when Wade yanked away and stumbled back, the Alpha wiping his mouth and bending over to drag in a harsh breath and Peter self consciously adjusted his half torn shirt, his pants back over his hips. 

“Alpha?” he asked softly, and Wade made a noise like he was choking. “What-- what’s wrong? It’s not super great for an Omega’s self esteem for you to go running like that, what happened?” 

“You’re ripe.” Wade ground out. “Ripe, baby boy.” 

“I stink?” The Omega’s voice rose in alarm, and he backpedaled several steps to sniff under his arms. “Shit, sorry. I’ll go and get a shower before patrol, it’s only gonna get worse once we’re out running around.”  

“No.” it was Spring and the Alpha felt the same things Peter did, the same urgency to bond and bite and breed so when Peter started to turn away, Wade lunged for him, charcoal wings flared high and aggressive for only a moment before they wrapped possessive and protective around the slim Omega and hauled him up close. “No.” 

“You said I stink!” 

“I said you were ripe.” Wade’s teeth scraped over Peter’s bonding spot, and the Omega went very very still. “I said you were ripe, you don’t stink you’re-- you’re--” A half a snarl and the Alpha clutched him up tighter. “You’re gorgeous Pete. Pretty Omega, such a sweet Omega, smell so good. Smell ripe, Fertile.” 

“Oh.” Syrupy thick desire wound through Peter’s veins and poured through his honeysuckle scent. “Oh yes, Alpha. That’s all for you. That’s-- you-- I’m yours, Wade. Yours.”

“Sure smell like mine.” Wade dragged his mouth up the Omega’s throat, huffed at his hair, at the softest spot by his ear then teeth closed blunt and shocking at his pulse. “Smell ready. Good enough to eat.” 

“Well I’m-- I’m right here.” Peter swallowed, tilted his head to the side against the pressure of the Alpha at his neck. “T-Take a bite.” 

Spring was rough, the heats hard and the rut close to the surface and if the Alpha and Omega weren’t plastered to each other trying to make their enough really truly feel like enough, then they were snapping at each other, popping their teeth and growling because too much of a good thing was a bad thing and if they couldn't have everything, they didn’t want to be together at all. 

“Good god, you’re cranky!” Clint exclaimed one day in early April when he reached for a bag of french fries they were supposed to be sharing, and the Alpha actually snarled and rustled his wings warningly. “You’re supposed to give pretty Omega’s food, not withhold it from them!” 

“Sorry.” Wade’s wings lifted only briefly in apology as he hurried up and shoved the fries at Clint. “Sorry. Don’t tell your Alpha I snarled at you. The last thing I need is Ol’ Iron Sides unleashing one of those gauntlets at me cos I made you sad or something.” 

“Look, I might be a bratty Omega but I’m not a bitchy Omega.” Clint took a handful and pushed the rest back at Wade. “I’m not going to go crying home cos my friend didn’t want to share his food. So don’t worry, your ass should be gauntlet free for the foreseeable future.” 

The Alpha smiled only the tiniest bit, and Clint brushed lightly at Wade’s side with his feathers. “Seriously, what’s going on? You’re stressed enough to snap and you scent like death. Not like your usual smoke and fire but honestly like death. What’s up?” 

“It’s Pete.” 

“...oh.” Clint swallowed his food around the lump suddenly in his throat. “Shit, Wade is everything okay? Is he alright? What happened? Is it something my Alpha could help with?” 

“It’s cute how you feel like your Alpha can solve any problem possible.” Wade hunched over on the bench and rubbed the heel of his palm into his eyes. “And Pete’s fine, it’s just ah-- he’s just--” 

Clint waited, and after another minute of stammering Wade finally made the sign for heat and then alone and then for himself fucking horny. 

“Oh.” The Omega blinked, and then, “OH! Oh Peter’s in heat and you’re out here trying to drown your horny in a bag of french fries. Got it.” 

The mouthy Omega snorted a laugh when Wade’s wings fluffed out in immediate annoyance. “Put your wings away, man. You couldn’t possibly believe I wasn’t going to make fun of you for this. Why the heck are you out here getting lunch with me when you should be taking care of your mate?!” 

“He’s not my mate.” Wade ground out, and the words were like broken glass in the Alpha’s mouth. “Pete’s not my mate, that’s why I don’t stay with him for heat. I’ll knot the shit outta him as soon as he’s done cos that’s what--” 

“--if you say that’s what friends do, I’ll throw my soda at you.” Clint interjected. “You two are soul bonded, remember? Ask him to wear a collar like my Alpha did for us, then you can bite him all you want without worrying about some non existent issue about actually bonding. Plus, Omegas are gorgeous in collars. Sometimes I wear mine and nothing else just to drive my Alpha crazy.” 

The Alpha scowled at him, hazel eyes flickering red beneath his hoodie. “Is everyone in your harem family this nosy and open with TMI details?” 

“Yep.” Clint popped the ‘p’ of the word. “You can’t share a home and share beds like we do and keep secrets, that’s crazy.  Secrets  lead to insecurity and insecurity leads to jealousy and we just don’t have room for that sort of thing in the compound. Not with multiple Alphas and various super powered people and Tony as head of the family. No way.” 

“You could not have sounded more like a cult right then if you tried.” 

“Yeah, I know. We talk like that just to piss Pepper off. Tony keeps telling her to buy us robes and take the tax right off, but she doesn’t think it’s as funny as we do.” the Omega swirled his french fry through a glob of ketchup. “Have you put any more thought into coming by our place? I know upstate is a journey but Tony would let you use one of the helicopters. It’s almost our Alpha’s birthday, so maybe if your Omega isn’t in heat next month you could come up then?” 

“Pete’s  not my--” 

“Sure he’s not.” Clint opened his dark brown wings and let one rest gently, friendly over Wade’s bowed shoulders, his cherry blossom scent lightening sweet and comforting when he saw the misery on the Alpha’s face. “Sure he’s not.”

*************

Chapter Notes: 

Hawkeye and Deadpool have teamed up in the comic books before, and I thought Clint was the perfect person to bring Wade around vs the usual “Tony knows Peter” arc!

How much do we love sassy Omega Peter?

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHAPTER! *************

[sunsetcurbed]

i’ll keep us together (whatever it takes)

Pairing: Alex/Willie  Words: 9,237 Rating: T  Warnings: none read on AO3 

Summary:  “Willie,” Julie’s voice sounds.  “Hey, Julie,” Willie greets. “I—uh—“ “Can Alex not see you?” she whispers. Okay, so… right. Right. This is a thing. (*) (or: alex has changed, and he's all but taken away from willie. willie doesn't settle for that.) I found out that apparently tumblr doesn’t post link posts in the tags unless they get a lot of notes so I’m reposting this as a text post and also posting the fic here on tumblr as well! Fic under the read more. :) 

(*)

"Hey," Willie cheers, watching as Alex walks into the garage, head hanging down. Alex doesn't look up, just walks over and flops dramatically on the couch. Willie laughs at his boyfriend, and follows over. "Hey, hot dog," he calls again. Alex still doesn't look up. Furrowing his eyebrows, Willie crouches down next to him and reaches out to shake Alex's shoulder.

His hand passes through.

Willie draws his hand back quickly in surprise, and stares down at it. He reaches again, and again, his hand passes through Alex.

He scrambles to his feet and looks around. Something's wrong. Something—he's not sure what's going on, but something…

He steps back, and back, and back, until he's standing in the middle of the studio, and rushes through the open door. He stands in the driveway for a minute, struggling with his thoughts, until—

"Willie," Julie's voice whispers.

His head snaps up and he sees her walking down the pathway from her house. They found out last year that Julie could see all ghosts, and that her power extended beyond they band in that aspect. Unfortunately, Willie didn't share their powers in becoming visible when playing an instrument, which was one of the first things they tried, right after trying to rid Willie of Caleb's stamp. Neither had worked.

"Hey, Julie," Willie greets. "I—uh—"

"Can he not see you?" she whispers.

Okay, so… right. Right. This is a��thing. She already knew about it, which—

"No. Why can't he?"

Julie walks towards him and offers a smile. But it's—it's a sad smile, one that Willie knows is accompanied by bad news. Suddenly, he regrets asking. "He's alive."

What?

No, seriously, what?

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know… unfinished business. Does… do you know if 'crossing over' means back to the world of the living?"

"I—I-I don't know? I wouldn't think so? I've never see someone cross over. I just thought…"

"We did, too," Julie says. "But the guys… we signed today. With a record label."

"What? That's awesome!" Alex had mentioned Destiny Management but he hadn't said they were officially signing.

"It is," she says, but her voice doesn't sound like it. "After each one of them signed, they came back to life, though. Heart, blood, eating, sleeping, everything."

Willie shakes his head. "But they should have…"

"We always thought that when they did their unfinished business, they'd… go to heaven, or whatever. But apparently crossing over, at least for them, meant crossing over back to the living."

"So Alex…"

"He's not like me," Julie frowns. "He can't see you."

"Fuck," Willie curses. There's a noise in the studio, and Willie turns around and sees Alex through the window, walking towards the driveway. "I—I gotta go," he stammers, and then he's gone from there and landing in the sand on the beach, where he had thought he and Alex would spend their time tonight.

Fuck, he thinks. All the pain the last year and a half has brought—the battle with Caleb for his soul, the fight between them all with Caleb, defeating the man who'd held him captive for years, and finally getting to be with Alex, stress free—all that pain and stress were for nothing, weren't they? Because Willie doesn't even have Alex anymore, the person who inspired him to fight back. The person who made it worth it. The person who was there to hold him after Caleb's hold on him broke will never be able to hold him again.

Not unless—

Willie's got work to do.

(*)

The next time Willie sees Alex is at the skate park, three months after it happened. Alex is leaning on the fence, staring at the bowl with sad eyes. He watches the people in the park fly up and down the ramps, and clings to the fence with a tight fist. Willie skates out of the park and passes through the fence to stand next to Alex.

"I miss you, too," he says, knowing that Alex can't hear him. "I mean, I haven't gone to Julie's studio looking for you like you're here, but. It's different when I can see you. You're living with the memory of me. I'm living with the reality of seeing you and hearing you, but not being able to interact."

Alex looks away from the skate park and towards the beach. His fingers curl tighter around the chain link fence until his knuckles turn white.

"I'm trying for you, man," Willie says, his voice high and tight. "I don't even know if I'll become human again like you did, but it's worth a shot. Even if I don't become human, at least I'll cross over and I won't have to be alone anymore. Maybe? I don't actually know where I'd go if I didn't become human again. I might still be alone. There might not be anything waiting for me. That's not as scary as having to live for an eternity without you, though. Or, not without you, but. Like this. Having you but… not really."

Alex draws in a shaky breath, and Willie poofs to his other side to get a glimpse of his face. His eyes are wet and he's chewing his bottom lip. He's doing everything he can not to cry, and that breaks Willie.

"I'm sorry," Willie whimpers. "I know I meant it way back when, when I said we never should have met, but that was because I almost got you guys killed. Once you were better, I didn't think I could ever feel that way again. But maybe I was right, even beyond that. Maybe it would be better if we'd never met. It'd be better for you." He reaches out a hand for Alex, but quickly drops it back to his side when he remembers he can't make contact anymore. He draws in a deep breath, but it hitches involuntarily. "But we did meet. We did, and now you have to live with the consequences of that. Is that what they are? Consequences? I guess so. I wish I could undo this all. Not—not you getting a second chance at life. You deserve it. But… I wish I could undo us."

Alex releases his grip on the fence and walks forward, right through Willie. Willie spins on his heel and watches Alex take a seat on a bench a few feet away. He looks up and around and finally, the tears fall from his eyes. Willie feels sick.

"No, I don't," he says in a rush. "God, I wish I wished I could undo us but I could never willingly give you up, Alex. No matter how much it hurts. Even though you're hurting I know you'll move on. That's how it works, right? God, we were only together for a little over a year, we only knew each other for a year and a half. That's hardly a lifetime love story, right? You'll find someone better—someone alive, and… and…"

And Willie can't do this anymore.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, taking in one last look at Alex's tearful face before poofing away.

(*)

The next time, he finds Alex at his grave. At Alex's grave.

See, Alex had asked him to go with him back in January. He'd needed to see what his tombstone said (Alex Mercer / December 18th 1978 – July 21st 1995 / Your song will live on forever.) and come to terms, fully, with his death. Willie had been more than happy to go with him, to hold him through his tears as he saw that his parents had actually put something dedicated to him, even if it was as small as an acknowledgment to his music. Ever since Alex crossed over, Willie has come here a few times a month to talk to the boy, because it's easier talking to a grave than it is to a person who won't respond.

When Willie reaches the grave, Alex is just standing there, staring at the headstone. He doesn't say anything, and neither does Willie. Instead, Willie looks around for another tomb with flowers on it. When he finds one, he plucks a single flower from the bouquet and walks over to Alex's grave again, and lays the flower down on the headstone.

Alex gasps. "Hello?" he murmurs. "Is… Willie?" he asks hopefully.

Willie doesn't have the heart to ignore him, so he picks the flower up again and hands it to the boy. Alex takes it reluctantly. "I miss you," Willie says, even though he knows Alex won't hear him.

"I miss you," Alex says, and Willie blinks. "God, I—I'm not even allowed to be upset about crossing over because I… I get to be with my band, and I'm, Willie, we're fucking going on tour. We're only opening, but we're touring. They think we'll be headlining our own tour in the next year or two. How am I supposed to be upset about that, right? But I—but I am. Because I have to do it without you and that's—that's not fair. That wasn't part of the deal, right? We were supposed to be fucking ghosts together. Not… God, I feel so ripped off. Julie said she could still see you, she didn't want to tell me but didn't think it was fair to keep it from me. Why can't I? Why the fuck can't I? I was a ghost and I can't see you anymore? Just because—just because I have blood in my veins again? You made me feel alive. You brought me back to life. And now I'm in this weird pseudo life phase where I'm actually alive but I feel just like I did when I came back as a ghost. Before I met you."

He shakes his head and Willie takes a step closer. He reaches out, but before he can try to lay a hand on Alex's arm, he remembers. He drops his hand.

"Reg says I'll move on, used that stupid 'you'll never forget your first ghost' line again, but that only worked when we'd known each other for two weeks. Two weeks and I was already moping over you, and then you were taken away after an entire year, after I—after I—it's not fair," Alex huffs. "I sound like such a child but it's not. Julie and Luke got their happy ending. Fuck, even Reg has someone now. Of course it probably won't last—after all it's his third relationship in five months, but. But he has that option. And I—Ray's making us go to school to finish off senior year and this kid from chemistry asked me out but—I'm not ready for that. God, I'm scared I'll never be ready for that. Luke told me to go for it, that maybe I need to be with someone to get my mind off of you, but I know that all I'll do is compare the two of you."

Tears are falling freely from Alex's eyes, and Willie wants nothing more than to reach up and brush them away, just like he did the last time they were at this grave together. He takes the flower from Alex's hand, plucks a petal off, and uses it as a towel to wipe Alex's face dry. Alex tosses his head back and laughs.

"Thank you," he says. He's quiet for a long moment, and Willie thinks he said everything that needed to be said. But then he draws in a deep breath. "I… I think one of the worst parts is that I never got to say goodbye. That I'll never get closure. Did you get as much out of our relationship as I did? Was it worth it to you? Are you hurting, too?" He pauses. His voice drops in to a whisper as he asks, "did you love me like I loved you?"

Willie frowns, and hands the flower back to Alex. Alex wraps his fingers around the stem, and toys with the petals with his other hand.

"See, I don't even know what you're trying to say, here," Alex admits. "I'm hoping you're saying yes, but maybe you're not. What if you're not even Willie, just a kind ghost who noticed I needed someone?" Willie grabs the flower out of Alex's hand, raises it up, and bonks Alex's forehead with it. "Okay, maybe not," he says, and there's a laugh in his voice, but there are tears in his eyes. He laughs then, but it comes out as a sob instead and he stumbles back. "Fuck," he says slowly.

Willie twirls the flower between his fingers and watches as Alex just… stares. He's just staring at the flower, disbelieving.

"I… God, I'm so relieved you're here, but it hurts so bad that I can't see you, you know? But—do you have it any easier? Being able to see me and hear me but knowing I can't see or hear or feel you? I feel like that'd be just as hard. I remember how helpless I felt when I was a ghost. This isn't—this isn't fair. Last year we had eternity together. And—that just gets ripped away? Do you even care—" Willie hits him with the flower again. "—okay. So you do. We both cared. So much. And… now look at us. I'm essentially talking to myself, on the verge of a panic attack, and you're… You're visiting my grave. I'm visiting my grave. Fuck this is all so fucked. I miss you."

Willie hands the flower back to Alex, hoping that he'll pick up that Willie misses him too.

Alex stares at the petals and draws in a breath. "I just wish—"

"Hey, mijo," a new voice comes in. Willie whips around to see the approaching figure, a tall, slim man with greying hair. He recognizes him as Julie's dad, and while he's never directly interacted with the man, hanging around with Alex and the band so much last year meant he could at least pick him out of a crowd. Julie's dad walks up beside Alex and looks down at the head stone. "Wow, that's really you."

Alex laughs. "Yeah. I really died. That's why I come here. To remind myself my entire experience as a ghost wasn't some weird fever dream. That it…" he looks down at the flower and holds it up to Julie's dad. "That it was all real."

"That'd be some fever dream," Julie's dad chuckles, clapping a hand on Alex's shoulder. For a moment, Willie expects the man's hand to pass right through, but when it doesn't, he cringes. Yet another reminder. "Are you ready to go, then?"

"Yeah, thanks for coming to get me. Can I just have one more minute? I'll meet you at the car?"

"Of course, mijo."

Julie's dad walks away and Alex stares at his headstone. "I miss you, Willie. I hope you run into me again," he says with a light in his voice, and Willie is taken back to their very first meeting. He reaches for the flower and takes it from Alex, bopping his face one more time. Then he passes the flower back, and Alex looks at it with wonderment on his face. "Bye," he murmurs, and then turns to walk towards the parked car waiting for him.

Willie waits until Alex slides into the passenger seat and shuts the door before drawing in a shaky breath and poofing away.

(*)

He can't stay away after that.

He knows Alex is living with Julie now (the Molinas, according to the painted stone next to their porch) so he stops by after school hours to just… see him. Alex, of course, has no idea that he's there, at least not at first. But then Willie starts to get bolder.

Alex will be sat at the dining room table doing his homework and Willie will see him answer a calculus problem wrong. When Alex walks away for a snack, Willie will take a piece of notebook paper out and redo the problem(s). When Alex gets back he looks around with a frown. He clearly isn't sure if it's Willie or not, and Willie's not sure he wants him to know, not until a few weeks in when he finds Alex crying in the studio. He's clearly on the verge of a panic attack, something that Willie'd seen many times, and helped him through multiple times. He's never felt so helpless, watching Alex breaking down and not being able to do anything.

He can, though, he realizes.

He goes into Alex's notebook and grabs a pen.

Hey, hot dog.

Alex drags in a shaky breath when the pen starts moving by itself, and once he reads the message he lets out a laugh that sounds more like a sob. "Willie," he whispers.

What can I do to help?

Alex smiles at the paper. "Nothing, you're—you being here helps."

Do you need to do breathing exercises? You can follow the pen.

"No," Alex shakes his head. "No, I'm good. Just—just talk to me?"

Can't talk. How's writing?

He rolls his eyes. "You know what I meant, asshole."

Guilty.

"How have you been? Where have you been? Why is this the first time you're—that you've actually contacted me?"

I've been around. I'd say correcting your calc homework counts as contacting you. It's me saying "wow you suck at math, which you've told me in the past but now I have hardcore proof."

He can't tell him that he's been trying to work out his unfinished business. He can't give Alex hope where there might not be any—not when there's no promise that Willie will figure out his unfinished business, and not when there's no promise he'll come back to life. He wants Alex to know he's trying—trying for him, but it's not fair. None of this is fair, but that'd be… really unfair to Alex. Especially if he's sitting here hoping for Willie to come back to life and one day he realizes it's been months since he's heard from Willie and Willie has no way to tell him that he's crossed over, but not to the living. It's all… it's too complicated. Willie doesn't even think he'd be able to put it into words.

"Hey, I've been doing pretty good in calc!" Alex yells. "I have a B, thanks."

"Thanks." You're welcome. I'm the reason you have a B.

Alex opens his mouth, then shuts it. "You know, you're probably right. You working out those problems is actually really helpful and helps me understand what I did wrong."

I've always needed to see someone do the math before I got it, maybe you're the same.

"Probably." Alex sighs, running his hands through his hair. He's stopped crying, but his face is still red and puffy, and his breathing is still labored. "How have you been though? I… you can see me, I can't see you. Are you okay?"

I miss you, but that's to be expected.  Life  Death has been a lot lately. I'm  surviving  okay though.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Alex asks, voice genuine. Willie bites his lip. God, he—this is why he fell in love with this boy. Even on the verge of a panic attack he wants to help someone else.

No. You being here helps.

"Hey, that's my line."

I'm stealing it.

Alex laughs, and his breath evens out a little bit. "Should have known, you can't be as smooth as me."

I'm sorry, who had the gay panic when we met? And every time we saw each other for literally the next four months? Who RAN AWAY after kissing me? You want to talk about smooth?

"Those were very weak moments in my life, I ask you to forget everything before we started dating and only remember me as charming."

Oh, trust me, the gay panic was very charming, too.

"See, maybe it was all a ploy. My gay panic was me being smooth."

I wouldn't take it that far.

"Too late you already admitted it."

Willie laughs and reaches for Alex's hand, forgetting for just a moment. It passes through the other boy and he grimaces. He draws his hand back and tucks his hair behind his ear, and stares at the paper in front of him.

So what's it like recording an album? Everything you ever dreamed of?

"Oh, man, it's so cool," Alex gushes. Words fly out his mouth so fast that Willie struggles to keep up, but he just lets Alex's voice wash over him. The switch has been flipped—Alex is no longer panicking, and Willie's loneliness has ebbed.

It carries on like this for nearly an hour, Willie fills up two and a half sheets of paper, and Alex is careful to fold each one and stick it in his pocket. Willie knows he'll be storing them somewhere in his room. It's what Willie would do, anyways, and in certain regards, Alex and Willie are very similar. He's careful not to reveal too much to Alex, though. He doesn't want Alex to feel guilty, or to cling to hope, or…

He doesn't want to tell Alex he loves him on a sheet of paper. He can't do that to either of them—that'd be giving Alex too much to cling to, and it'd be taking away Willie's dream of telling him face to face. So when it's time for them to say goodbye (Alex looks at the clock, frowning. "The band is gonna be here in ten minutes for practice.") Willie simply scribbles down I'll see you around, hot dog. Alex's face goes soft, and Willie can't stop staring at it.

He wishes he could stay for band practice, but he can't face Julie. He can't, not when it'd break him to be able to talk with her and not the one person he really wants to talk to. He also thinks it might be too hard on Alex, to see Julie see Willie, and know that he can't. It'd be too hard on both of them, so once Alex says goodbye, he poofs away. He ends up on the streets of Hollywood and looks around. He sets his skateboard on the ground and skates off, aimlessly.

He has nowhere to go, nowhere to be.

(*)

Willie keeps correcting his calc homework, but now Alex knows who it is and starts thanking him. They have a few more half-written, half-spoken conversations over the next few months, but Willie tries to limit them so Alex doesn't get too attached.

(He laughs as he thinks that, understanding that Alex has always been attached, and interacting with him is only encouraging that. But Willie can't stay away, okay?)

He sees Luke and Reggie some, after all, the boys spend a lot of time in the studio together, especially when Julie is hanging out with Flynn. Willie never talks to Alex at these times, but sometimes he'll speak out loud, answer parts of the conversation that the guys are having, even though he knows they can't hear him.

(Yeah, okay, he's dangerously attached, too.)

He avoids Julie at all costs, he doesn't want her to know, and he knows Alex hasn't told any of them because Alex has said he hasn't told any of them, so. Willie believes him and knows why. Because Alex knows Julie would ask Willie to let Alex move on, and… honestly, neither Alex or Willie are ready for that.

"Technically you're still my boyfriend," Alex says one day. "We never broke up."

It's almost our two year anniversary.

"Yeah," Alex nods. "Two more months. God, it's been nine months without you?"

Not technically without me. I've been around a lot.

"It's been nine months since I last saw you," he amends. He rubs his eyes. "That's too damn long."

It's been nine months since I've held your hand. :(

Alex shakes his head. "I always felt bad for Julie and Luke, but… I never… it never clicked how hard it must have been before she could touch us. At least she could see and talk to us, though. Why can't I have her powers?"

Would her powers really be worth it? Because I can tell you that it SUCKS being able to see you but not being able to touch you. It's torture.

"Maybe you only say that because you've never had to sit alone talking to a piece of notebook paper before," Alex shoots back, but he's smiling.

He's been doing that a lot lately. Smiling. Willie knows it's because of him—he knows Alex and it's not hard to put two and two together. It's hard to miss the way Alex physically brightens every time he knows Willie is there, and the way he reaches for calculus homework before anything else, and leaves his calculus out sitting next to him when he's working on all of his other homework, as if calling for Willie. It works, too, most of the time. When Willie's not out trying to resolve his unfinished business, he's around the Molina household, avoiding Julie.

That had created an issue—Alex quickly realized that Willie disappeared whenever Julie came around, so he stopped hanging around Julie as much. Julie had tried apologizing for "whatever I did, Alex, I'm so sorry." Alex had to patiently tell her that it was nothing—he was just dealing with some personal problems and he ran away from the guys, too. She had tried to offer help, but he said he dealt better with problems on his own, which Willie laughed at when Alex recounted the conversation because Alex was helpless dealing with his issues alone. He told him as much and Alex flipped off the air in front of him.

This piece of notebook paper is offended. What's so bad about talking to notebook paper?

"I can't kiss a sheet of notebook paper," Alex points out. "Well—technically I could. Don't think it'd measure up to kissing my boyfriend, though."

Willie grins. It's impossible, and he knows he can't let it go on like this for much longer—it's been nine months of trying to figure out his unfinished business and he feels no closer than when he started—but it feels so good to be Alex's boyfriend still. He puts the pen to the piece of paper, and then picks it back up because—no. He still can't tell Alex he loves him. He's planning to leave Alex a note once it hits a year, telling him goodbye and asking him to move on. He'll be doubling his efforts to try and solve his unfinished business in the mean time, but he thinks—how cruel would it be to leave Alex with the knowledge that he lost someone who loved him, too? Because Alex has said he loved Willie—back Alex's grave he had asked if Willie loved him too and.

You wouldn't be able to kiss air, either.

"I could certainly try."

Willie shakes his head fondly, and then hears the studio door open. Alex lunges forward and grabs the pen out of the air, but it's pointless because when Willie turns around, it's Julie standing there. Her eyes are wide and her jaw is dropped.

"Hey, Julie," Alex greets. "What're you doing?"

"I left a song out here that I wanted to show Flynn," she says. "What are you doing?" She aims her voice like she's talking to Alex, but she's staring at Willie.

"Homework," Alex answers.

"Really?" she quirks an eyebrow.

"What else would I be doing?"

"I don't know, care to tell me?" This time, it's one hundred percent directed at Willie, and he flinches.

Alex frowns, still playing the part. "I don't—"

"Not you," Julie cuts Alex off.

"Julie…" Alex sighs. "Just leave him be."

"Can I talk to you outside?" There's no question who she's talking to.

Willie gets to his feet and walks out the door. Alex glares at her from where he's sitting on the couch, and flops back on to the cushions, crossing his arms in a pout.

Julie turns around and marches out to the driveway and whirls on Willie when he gets out there. "This isn't fair to him."

"None of this is fair, Julie," Willie says. "We're dealing the only way we know how."

"He—he said he was moving on. He said he was doing better!"

"He… technically is doing better," Willie says. "Maybe not moving on, but—"

"Willie, you need to let him go," Julie frowns.

"That's not your choice to make," Alex's voice comes from the studio doors. He pushes the door open and steps out. "I get you want to help, but leaving me and Willie be would be the best thing you could do to help."

"Alex…" Julie whispers. "It's not fair to you."

"You think I don't know that? You think the fact that Willie is dead and I'm alive has escaped my notice? Because it hasn't. I have to talk to a sheet of notebook paper to have a conversation with him. I have to guess when he'll appear, and hope each day that he will. I don't get to see him smile, or look at me, and I can't hold his hand, and I can't feel him against me. But despite that, I'm happy with him. Isn't that what you should be focusing on?"

Julie sucks in a breath. "Alex—"

"Julie," Alex cuts her off. "I understand where you're coming from. The amount of times I told Luke falling for you was a horrible decision, but he reminded me it wasn't a decision. You can't pick and choose who you love, and… I'm willing to go through this for Willie, okay? You can't protect me from everything, and I'd never ask you to. I am asking you to leave this be."

She looks away from Alex, and turns to Willie. "Are you really okay with how this is going?"

"I… For now," Willie answers. "I've been trying to figure out my unfinished business to see if I'll come back to life, too. It's all I've been doing when I'm not with Alex for the last nine months. If I can't figure it out within the year since Alex came back to life I am going to stop this, okay Julie? I don't want him to hurt. I'll tell him to move on, I'll tell him that I can't do it anymore, but until then, I want to be there for him. These may be our last months together," Willie whispers. "Please don't take that from us."

Julie sighs, long and loud, but her shoulders drop. "Fine," she says, throwing her hands up. "Whatever. I—I just don't want you guys hurting."

"If you think Willie being here hurts me, clearly you don't remember you and Luke in the early days."

"I do, though. I remember how much it sucked when I reached out and my hand went right through him. I remember thinking that we could never be together—even once I could touch you guys, it still… sucked. Alex, I do remember the early days, and that's why I just… I just don't want you hurting. And… falling in love with a ghost when you're human… it hurts."

"But it's also worth it," Alex reminds her. "You turned down Nick, even when you couldn't touch Luke. Because you knew it was worth it. Even thinking you were going to lose Luke, you still chose him. And I'm choosing Willie, even though I know I could lose him. Even though it sucks that he's a ghost. Willie is worth it."

Julie looks at Willie. "Is this worth it?"

Willie nods. "I might have to say goodbye soon, but it's not like we're making bad memories. Alex and I won't live to regret the time we had together if this doesn't work out. And it might take us time to move on, but this will never not be worth it."

Julie narrows her eyes. "Does he know?"

"Know? About the unfinished business?" Willie asks. "No. I don't want to get his hopes up."

"Good. Keep it that way."

"Keep what, what way?" Alex demands, looking between Julie and the space of air she's looking at.

"Something I can't tell you," Julie says, still looking at Willie. "Willie wants to keep it quiet, too. Hopefully I can tell you one day, but until that day comes, it's mine and Willie's secret. It's for the better."

"Didn't we just decide you don't know what's best for me?" Alex huffs.

"Not in this case," Willie says.

"Willie says 'not in this case,'" Julie translates. "Just… be careful both of you, alright? You know I love you both, right?"

Alex leans back against the studio door and crosses his arms, frowning. "I know, Jules. I love you, too. And I appreciate your thoughts and wanting me to be okay, but, really. We're fine."

"Yeah," Willie says. "If I can't figure out my unfinished business I'll stop by and say goodbye to you, too."

"Alright," Julie nods. "Let me just grab that song and then you two can get back to your… date."

Willie smiles at her. He can feel on his face that it's not a full smile, that it's sad, and that it's not reaching his eyes, but… he is sad. Vocalizing his plan, to Julie no less, has made it permanent. He really only has three months to figure out his unfinished business.

It doesn't feel like enough time. Looking back to Alex, he knows it's not.

He'll never be ready to say goodbye.

(*)

His time is up.

It's been an entire year, almost to the day (he gave himself one extra week) since Alex came back to life, and Willie is here to leave Alex. He's kneeling next to where Alex is sleeping on the studio's couch, looking so relaxed and content, and Willie… he's glad he prepared beforehand. He pulls the piece of notebook paper out of his pocked and places it on the table, Alex's name in bold pen on the top.

He wrote his note before he came to see Alex, knowing that he won't have the courage to write it down when he's looking at the other boy. Especially not if Alex is watching him. No, that's… he could never do that, not when he could see the look on Alex's face. So, the idea is, in and out, leave the note somewhere for Alex to find, and never look back.

The last part is going to be the hardest.

However, he's promised himself that he won't go looking for Alex or the others anymore. Not after tonight. He's letting Alex move on, but he needs to let himself move on, too. Alex will find someone else to love, and Willie… if nothing else, he should give himself the chance to find someone else to love. Not that he'll ever really feel confident again, knowing that one of them could cross over at any minute, leaving him just as heartbroken as he is now. But… it was worth it with Alex. He can't imagine how it ever wouldn't be worth it, even as he has to say goodbye now. Alex will always be worth it, and he can't be sorry for holding on as long as he did. The time he got to spend with him has given him enough courage to say goodbye… just… there's one more thing he wants to say, that he couldn't say in his note.

"I love you," Willie whispers, reaching down to stroke Alex's hair, but freezing before he could. He's not in the right mindset to have his hand pass through Alex, not again, not right now, when he feels the cramping in his chest from the pain of this moment. Not when it's been over a year and he still hasn't figured out his unfinished business. Not when he doesn't think he ever will. There's so much he's tried, so much he's done, and he's not sure what more there is to do. He's held on to this for far too long, and he thinks it's time to let go. He doesn't want his last memory of Alex to be his hand disappearing through the boy's body. "I'm so sorry I couldn't do better for you."

There's a clench in his stomach as he thinks about all he's gone through this past year. Practicing all the moves he wanted to perfect before he died. Returning to his childhood home and making connections with his family, apologizing for leaving them, apologizing for not being a better son. Visiting his older sister who ran away when he was younger. Tracking down the person who killed him from all of the newspaper articles and forgiving them. Going to his college and sitting in on all of the classes that he skipped out on when he was a student. Going back to Caleb's club and apologizing to all those he led there. Visiting the graves of all of his family members that he never got to say goodbye to. Visiting his grave and forgiving himself for his mistake.

Yet here he stands, still a ghost.

Truthfully, he didn't care if he crossed over to the living or crossed over to heaven. He just… didn't want to be here anymore. In this limbo between the living and the dead. Skating the streets of Hollywood was fun, but with Caleb gone, with the Ghost Club in his past, with Alex living… skating was all he had, and it wasn't enough to hold him to this… "life" that he was living. He just wanted it to be over—he just wanted to move on. He doesn't care what that means anymore. Just… not like this. Not this. He can't be stuck like this for eternity. He can't.

He shoves himself to his feet in a rush and walks to the door, forcing himself to not look back. It's time to move on—time to let Alex move on. Like Alex says, it's not fair, and Willie's just making it harder on both of them. If he hasn't figured out his unfinished business by now, he's not going to. Maybe he already missed his opportunity, maybe it's something that's waiting for him in the future, maybe it's—

Ow.

Willie looks up from where he landed on the floor, and sends a glare at the door. There's a noise from up in the loft and Reggie's laugh sounds through the studio. "Dude, did you just walk into the door? I know you can do dumb things when you just wake up, but come on."

Willie looks up at the loft and blinks.

Wait.

He walked into the door.

"Reggie?" he calls tentatively.

The boy pops his head out of the fence in the loft, jaw dropped. "Willie?"

"You can—you can see me?" Willie breathes, turning around on the floor and looking between Alex and Reggie. Thing one: he couldn't walk through the door. Thing two: Reggie could hear him walk into the door. Thing three: Reggie could see him.

"Alex!" Reggie screeches, throwing a box of picks down from the loft and at the couch. "Alex!"

Alex flinches when the box of picks lands right next to his head and groans. "Dude, what the fuck?" he asks, picking up the box and looking at it. "Why the fuck?"

"I'm sorry, but you're going to love me in a second because sit your butt up and look at the door."

"What are you talking about?" Alex demands as he sits up and rubs at his eyes. He looks up at the loft first, but Reggie's head peaking down at the door must interest him, because Willie looks away from Reggie at the same time Alex does, and their eyes meet. "Willie?" he whispers.

"Alex," he breathes out with a laugh. Alex is up and off the couch and striding towards him in one motion, dropping next to him with a loud thud of his knees hitting the concrete. Willie reaches towards him cautiously. He curls a hand around Alex's face, tracing his cheekbone with his thumb and laughs. "Oh my god."

Alex lunges forward and tackles Willie into a hug, holding him tight as they both start to cry.

"Hold on, hold on!" Reggie wails, footsteps thundering as he rushes down the loft stairs. "Remember, I can't poof out anymore, and I don't want to see what's going to happen next, just give me a minute to—okay, carry on," he finishes, and then the studio door clicks shut and Alex crashes his mouth to Willie's with no hesitance.

Willie gasps, and takes a moment to adjust to the feeling of Alex's mouth on his again, but after a moment, he pushes back into Alex and gives back as good as he's getting. It's easy to fall back into this, really. It's not like Willie forgot how Alex kisses, and he highly doubts Alex has forgotten how Willie kisses, so it's easy for the two of them to give and take, to push and pull. There's no learning involved, just coming home.

Alex's breath hitches and he pulls away quickly, shoving his face into Willie's neck. "Oh my god," Willie hears him whisper. "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Please tell me I'm not dreaming?" he begs.

"You're not dreaming," Willie grins, holding Alex tighter.

"Yeah, but that's something dream you would say," Alex says, pulling away from Willie's neck and looking into his eyes. Alex's eyes are red and the area around them is swelling, and Willie swears he's never looked more beautiful. He lifts a hand and cups Alex's face. "Punch me."

"Wh—babe, no," he laughs, wiping the tears from Alex's face. "Punch yourself."

He's not expecting Alex to pull back and smash his fist into his forearm. "That wasn't hard enough, you've gotta—wait. My knees. The concrete hurt them. Can you dream pain? Is that a thing? Oh my god, I don't know enough about dreams, I—"

"Alex," Willie murmurs, leaning forward. "You're not dreaming. You've always trusted me, yeah? Trust me now." He presses his lips gently to Alex's, and feels Alex's lips quirk up in a smile.

He pulls back. "If I wake up from this you're so dead."

"Well, technically, if this was a dream, you'd be completely right. But right now I'm so alive." Willie pauses. "I think? I couldn't walk through the door and now you guys can see me and touch me and—"

Alex cuts him off with a kiss. After a few seconds he releases Willie's lips and sits back and closes a hand around Willie's wrist, pressing two fingers to where Willie's pulse point would be. Alex stares at his hand in amazement, and another smile spreads on his face. "You're alive."

"I am?" he asks, breathless.

"Yes, dude. What was? What was your unfinished business?"

"I don't—I don't know. The last thing I did was visit you. I've been trying to figure it out for the last year but nothing worked. Then… Wait."

"What?"

Willie feels blood rush to his face and wow isn't that a feeling. But, no. Not the point right now. He twists his wrist in Alex's hold and slips his hand down to hold Alex's. "The last thing I did was, um, tell you I love you."

"Falling in love was your unfinished business?"

"No," Willie shakes his head. "Otherwise I would have come back like, two years ago. Unless—did I really have to say it?"

"Unfinished business is weird, we were technically signed with Destiny Management for two months before we actually signed the papers, but I didn't actually come back until I signed the legit contract," Alex explains. He smiles at Willie, and then his expression drops. "Wait. You're in love with me?"

Willie feels his face soften. "I've been in love with you."

"Was it—was it you at my grave? A few months ago I—I know I could have asked you when you started writing to me but I was so scared—"

"It was me," Willie nods. "I can't believe you tried to suggest I didn't care—"

"I didn't—I couldn't—I just—everything sucked, I was doubting everything and the further I got away from you the more I was convinced that you didn't feel the same. I mean, you hadn't come to visit once—"

"I saw you at the skate park before that." He squeezes Alex hand. He lifts up their entwined fingers and presses a kiss to the back of Alex's hand. "You looked… you were so sad, and it hurt so much to talk to you. At first I thought it was better for both of us if I didn't… encourage it. I lost that plan, though. I was trying to figure out my unfinished business but I just wanted you to be happy."

"You make me happy."

Willie grins. "You make me happy too, hot dog."

Alex blushes and goes back to hiding his face in Willie's shoulder.

"Hey, have you tried hot dogs since you came back to life?"

"No," Alex laughs, then moves his head up to press a kiss to Willie's collarbone. He leans back, away from Willie's body so he can look him in the eyes. "I don't think I ever will."

"Yeah, well I'm stopping at every cross walk, even if the walk sign is on," Willie says. "What kills you makes you reevaluate your life choices."

"What kills you makes you smarter," Alex grins.

"Then why did you need me to help you pass calculus?" Willie teases.

Alex rolls his eyes and shoves at Willie, who reaches forward to grab Alex's bicep to stabilize him. "What are you doing here, man? You haven't been here in almost a month. I've been waiting for you."

Willie bites his lip and looks at the ground. "I was here to say goodbye. I gave myself one year to figure out my unfinished business and then I'd let us both move on. That—that's what I told Julie that night. That's what you couldn't know."

Alex breathes out, staring at Willie without blinking. His eyes start filling with tears and he lets out a mirthless laugh. "Well thank fuck you decided to tell me you loved me."

"Yeah," Willie nods. "Thank fuck."

(*)

They walk into the Molina household hand in hand, Alex murmuring things along the way, and Willie just listening, but mostly reveling in the feel of Alex's hand in his again.

"Ah, mijo!" Julie's dad exclaims happily. "Just in time, I was about to send Reggie out—who's this?"

Alex shifts, squeezes Willie's hand, and draws in a breath. "Ray, this is Willie. He's—do you remember how we told you I was dating a ghost before I came back to life?"

Ray (apparently) nods. "I do."

"This is him."

Ray's eyes narrow. "He came back to life, too?"

"He did. And he doesn't have anywhere to go right now, could he stay, at least in the studio? We'll find his family soon, but—"

"Alex," Ray cuts the boy off. "Of course." He looks to Willie. "Do you like tacos?"

Willie nods slowly. "Yes, sir."

Ray shakes his head. "None of that 'sir' stuff, Willie. Just Ray works. Let me go find another chair, and you can join us for dinner, bueno?"

"I—thank you," Willie says, genuinely taken aback by Ray's openness.

"Alright, the rest of the family is in the dining room, why don't you two go join them, I'm just going to grab a chair out of my office," he tells them, and then disappears around the corner.

Alex squeezes Willie's hand and smiles down at him. "Ready?"

Willie laughs. "For what?"

Alex grins and walks forward, tugging Willie along behind him. They walk through the kitchen and Willie can see the entire group as they make their way to the table—Julie's little brother (Carlos, he thinks) is sitting at the head of the table, talking rapidly with Reggie, who is sitting with his back to Willie and Alex. Julie's friend (Flynn, he's sure of that one) is sitting next to Reggie and he can tell from her posture that she's bent over her phone. Beside her, there's an open chair squeezed into the small space which Willie assumes is meant for Alex. Across the table, with their heads ducked together and talking in quiet tones are Julie and Luke, completely unaware to their presence. At least until Alex clears his throat.

Everyone looks at them, then. Reggie and Flynn turn in their seats, and Julie and Luke look up, confused. Carlos stares at Willie with a calculating look, and—

"Oh my god!" Julie screeches, shoving out of her chair so fast that she knocks it back into the window. She runs around the table and into the kitchen before launching herself at Willie. "You did it!"

Willie laughs but once Alex drops his hand, he holds on to her tightly. Despite being able to interact with her face to face for the last two and a half years, he's never got to touch her. She became one of his closest friends, but he'd never been able to give her a hug, and they're both tactile people. The entire group is, really. So he squeezes her tighter and breathes in her scent and savors in the feeling of being hugged by her. "I did," he says into her hair. "Thank you for giving me the chance."

"Of course," she says as she pulls away, but her hands don't leave him, just slide down to hold on to his forearms. "What was it?"

Alex grins from next to Willie and leans in to Julie's view. "He had to tell me he loved me."

"It took you guys two years to say I love you?" Luke says, and Willie notices him standing a few feet behind Julie. "Dude—"

"Not all of us say 'I love you' after the first date, Luke," Alex shoots back.

"But two years?"

"We were separated for one of those."

"But two years?"

"Leave them be," Julie tells him, finally dropping Willie's arms and spinning around to face her boyfriend. "It still took you months to work up the courage to ask me out. Willie asked Alex out as soon as he was free from Caleb." Willie wants to tell her that Alex had actually kissed him and ran away before Willie asked the boy out, but with a glance at Alex, who was glaring at him knowingly, he decides to save the story for another time. "At least they've got that sorted out."

Luke rolls his eyes and steps around Julie to clap a hand into Willie's. He bumps their shoulders together and grins, a trademark lopsided Luke grin. "I'm glad to see you, man."

"Me too!" Reggie cries from in back of the group. "Sorry I ran out of the studio on you guys, but I didn't—"

"You knew?" Julie gasps.

"Well, yeah? Why'd you think I ran in from the studio?"

"Considering you grabbed food, we thought you wanted a snack," Flynn says, and Reggie looks like he's considering her words before he shrugs. She turns to Willie. "I'm Flynn. Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"Same," Willie says, leaning forward to shake her hand. "We've technically met, but you never got to see me."

"So you were a ghost, too?" Carlos calls from where he's still sitting at the dining room table. Ray is sitting at the other end now, too, having squeezed in another chair on the side where Julie and Luke had been sitting. It was a wheelie computer chair and as soon as Flynn saw it she dove for it with a cry of 'dibs,' sending her and the chair flying back into the wall.

"I was," Willie confirms, following the rest of the group as they make their way back to the dining room.

"Cool," Carlos breathes.

"Yeah, super cool," Julie rolls her eyes, ruffling her brother's hair. "Dying is so cool."

"Hey, he's alive again," Carlos shoots back. "So I can say it's cool."

"Can't argue that logic," Reggie grins.

"I also agree it's cool," Alex says, and sends Willie a soft smile.

"Yeah, yeah, we know, you're happy to have your boyfriend back," Flynn waves her hand through the air as she scooches back to the table. "But can we get to the tacos now?"

"I hope you like tacos," Luke says, reaching for a hard shell with one hand and the taco meat with the other. "Because they're gonna be your first taste of food in—wait, when did you die?"

"Seven, eight years ago. 2015."

"How old are you?" Julie asks.

"With or without the ghost years?"

"Without. That's what's going on your birth certificate."

"I was a month shy of turning twenty. I was born a month before you three," he says, nodding at each of the boys individually, "died in '95."

"It's a good thing we died, then," Alex says, waiting patiently for the rest of the table to make their tacos before he makes his own. "Never would have met you, otherwise. Or if I did…"

"We don't think about that," Luke says. "Otherwise we have to talk about how much older I am that Julie and that—that doesn't work."

"How much older than Julie are you?" Carlos asks.

Luke turns a mock glare on the kid. "Did you not hear what I just said? We don't think about that."

Reggie leans towards Carlos and stage whispers, "twenty six years."

Carlos looks absolutely gleeful. "Ha! Dad, did you know that?"

Ray sighs. "I did, Carlos. Eat your food."

"You're old," Carlos hisses at Luke.

"You're a child," Luke taunts back. Even through their tones, Willie can tell this group is a family. Luke is Carlos' older sister's boyfriend, yes, but his role as a pseudo brother to Carlos is just as important as his role as Julie's boyfriend. Reggie clearly adores the kid and Willie's sure their relationship is even closer than that of Carlos and Luke's. He looks at Alex, who is looking down the table at Carlos with fond eyes, and realizes that even Alex is this kid's brother. Alex is Julie's brother. He's Ray's son. He's not just living here, he's a piece of this family, and Willie is at a meet the family dinner, even if he already knew more than half of them. His eyes flick to Ray and suddenly he wants to make a good impression.

Alex must be able to feel him tense up, so he reaches over and lays a hand on Willie's thigh. He leans in. "What's wrong?"

Willie looks at him, looks around the table again, and settles on Ray again, who is giving him a look that's nearly as concerned as the one on Alex's face.

It's been ten minutes and he thinks he's a part of this family, too.

He smiles at Ray, who returns it, and then Willie turns to Alex. "Nothing. I'm good. But hey, I love you."

Alex smiles. He presses a kiss to Willie's cheek. "I love you, too."

[athenawasamerf]

Feminism In Egypt, Part 1

@fernstream​ suggested I speak about feminist organisation and work here in Egypt, and I’ll probably do another mini-series on feminist movements in Saudi Arabia as well. 

Let’s start with Egypt, because that’s where I’m from, and where I’m currently living.

Most feminist work in Egypt is currently concentrated on a few, specific causes. Polygamy and divorce laws, FGM, child and domestic abuse (and the ways laws, customs and societal norms are contributing to this), femicide, sexual harassment as it relates to laws, religious men, customs and the attitude of law enforcement and society at large, enforcement of minimum marriage age for girls, and women’s right to education and work.

I’ll try to summarise each of these issues as they currently stand in Egyptian society, and why they are of interest to feminist, as well as the general reception of the feminist movement in general and the feminist push against these issues in particular. I’d like you to keep in mind that most, if not all, of these issues are shaped by Islam and Arab traditions, which are not super easy to summarise in a single post.

When talking about polygamy and divorce laws, I’ll be talking almost exclusively about muslims as the christian population in Egypt is almost entirely orthodox, and neither divorce nor polygamy is allowed.

Polygamy and Divorce Laws

Polygamy in Islam is confined to men, who are allowed to have 4 wives each. Currently, the only MENA country that has outlawed this is Tunis, to huge backlash from the rest of the region. Men’s ‘right’ to several wives is seen as something sacred, because it’s God’s will that men should have that ability. Some scholars even subscribe to the view that the original concept in marriage is multiple wives, and that this is how God intended for marriage to be, and only weak (in body, in mind, or in faith) men are satisfied with one woman. Men in Egypt (and much of MENA) have the legal right to marry multiple women without informing any of them, they can also divorce their wives without the wives’ presence or knowledge, and they can also ‘take back’ divorced wives without their presence or knowledge. In sharia, only men have the right to end a marriage, a woman can only request a divorce from her husband.

In January of 2000, feminists managed to pass the khol’e law, against opposition from the state, the public and Al Azhar. This law allows a woman to file for divorce in family court, and if she can prove enough harm is being done to her by her husband, he will be forced to divorce her. This law has a catch, however, and that in the case of the wife filing for divorce, she effectively gives up all her post-divorce rights, both Islamic and lawful. This includes child support and the right to stay in the marital home until the children are 15. The divorce will also not go through if she can’t prove in a court of law that she is being harmed enough to necessitate one.

Divorced women in Egypt, and especially women who asked for divorce or those who went through the courts to get one, are very much seen as evil harlots, or failed women. If divorce happens too soon after the marriage, the woman could be murdered by her family on suspicion of not being a virgin at the time of her marriage. Women are also still forced to stay at home to do all the domestic labour and raise the children, meaning not only will they be shunned by society (and not uncommonly, by their own families), for being divorced, they might also be stuck trying to provide for several children with no income.

Egyptian men use not only the actual act of a second (or third, or fourth) marriage to spite and hurt their wives, they also love using the threat of it to keep them in their place. An abused woman could be quiet and completely unable to rebel in fear that her husband would take a second wife and completely throw her to the wolves. It’s used as a fear tactic, and as punishment, and as a form of abuse.

Islamic scholars have, for years and years, justified the ‘need’ for polygamy in many ways, including but not limited to: there are more men on earth than women (false), men’s sexual appetite is stronger than women’s and can’t be satisfied by a single woman (false, for this specifically feel free to look up how much Egypt spends on viagra annually), what if a woman turns out to be infertile, should her husband just divorce her and throw her to the wolves where she’ll never ever find another man instead of just taking on a second wife? (somehow this never applies the other way around), what if a woman gets sick and therefore becomes ‘unable to perform her wifely duties’, should the man in this scenario just ABANDON her instead of taking on a second wife? (somehow supporting your life’s partner is... not an option), and what about widows and divorcees? Of course, no single man could ever want them! Must we deprive them of the joys of marriage and motherhood? Of course, when faced with any valid criticisms, these scholars will default to one of two standard responses. 1) Men don’t need any reasons or justifications for wanting what God made halal for them, and 2) Our mortal minds are too small and insignificant to understand the cosmic benefits in polygamy.

I could start explaining all the ways that these laws and customs, in conjunction with other factors I’ll hopefully manage to explain throughout the next few weeks, help men abuse and control women, but you can probably infer that pretty easily. It’s difficult to explain how entrenched these things are in our society, and how many people just take them as facts of life, unchangeable and unchallengeable. The feminist push to end polygamy in Egypt is met with a lot of infantilising humour, we’re laughed at - how could we hope to change the laws of God in our religious society? To them, this is inconceivable. Those who take us seriously are mostly quick to claim that feminists are insane, corrupted women, who go against the demure and submissive nature that God gave us. They say, these are women, ‘lacking in mind and faith’ as the prophet said, listening to them undermines your mental capabilities. More vicious men will scream about how feminists are kuffar, how we go against God’s rule, how we are of loose morals and want to spread depravity among women. 

This is pretty much the same reception feminists got when they fought for the khol’e law, and it’s going to be the same reception we expect as we fight for every little shred of rights and dignity we are owed.

I’m hoping that this mini series can act as a starting point for people to understand our struggles and our fights as MENA feminists and feminists in the muslim world.

As always, suggestions, clarification requests and critique are welcome.

[justanotheronechicagofan]

Previous Chapter

7. The thing that works

series summary - Will the Halstead brothers be able to reconnect with their sister after 5 years? chapter summary - a worried Hailey visits Jay and finds out more about Madeline Jay Halstead, Hailey Upton TW - Mentions of parental death and missing persons investigation

series masterlist  | main masterlist

Several loud knocks on Jay’s door jerked him from his stillness. 

His phone screen flashed back at him - 22:38 and multiple texts from his partner. 

💬 Hailey :) [23 minutes ago] I'm gonna take your lack of response as a no - I'm coming over

💬 Hailey :) [48 minutes ago] You okay? 

💬 Hailey :) [1hr ago] Wanna grab a beer? I’ll buy ... :) 

Shit  - Considering he doesn’t even know where the past hour is gone, he really isn’t in the mood to see people. Especially people that he can’t hide from. Rubbing his face, he quickly made his way to the door. Before he even has the chance to tell her that he’s fine, his partner makes her way into the apartment, his favourite 6pack in tow. 

“Hails-” “Nope. I get you wanna be alone but that’s just not gonna happen” she says, already putting the beers in the fridge. Knowing he’s already lost this, he sighs and goes to grab the glasses. When he turns, he can’t help but smile seeing her struggling to reach for the whisky. “I got it,” he said, swiftly grabbing it.  “Why’d you put it so high?” she huffs. “Because, someone had a little too much and kept fighting me for more last time, remember?” he patronised with a smile on his face as he poured. He’ll never admit it but there’s a little part of him that left it there because he finds it cute.  She gives him a look but a second later, her eyes crinkle. “Still had that hangover though” laughing in the brightest way.  He chuckled and they clinked their glasses together before falling into a comfortable silence. 

They stand around the counter slowly sipping and although there’s a part of Hailey that wants to know, she decides to just join him in the quiet.  After a while he reveals, “That girl from yesterday. She’s my sister”  She suspected it but it still takes her back. Reigning in the questions popping up in her mind, she just asks “What’s her name?”  “Maddie. Madeline Grace” Jay said with a small smile.  “That’s pretty. It suits her” she said.  “Yeah it does. Mom had it picked out way before she knew she was having a girl” Hailey notices how this is the first time in weeks she’s seen him genuinely smile.  “Oh wow. Prepared lady.”  “Hell no. We were both in high school when Maddie was born - Will was a senior!” Jay laughed. “Total surprise after Mom and Dad went to the cabin for their wedding anniversary.” “Well, that cabin does have views,” she said, remembering when Jay invited Intelligence to Wisconsin in the Summer.  “Yeah. Mom was thrilled. I mean she loved us but I think she always wanted a girl. And man did Maddie have all of us wrapped around her finger, even Dad” Hailey chuckled as the image of a teenage Will and Jay trying to win the affection of a newborn popped in her head.  “What?” Jay smiled holding her gaze. “Just trying to imagine how that went down,” she amused.  “Oh it's exactly like you imagine it. Gets funnier when she got into fairies” “Did you join in?” she asked, holding back the laughter even though she knew the answer would be yes.  “Course I did Hails. Tea parties, playing house, being her horse, serious business.” he listed schooling his face before joining Hailey who was bursting.  “Seriously though, younger me would have loved that” Hailey said once they calmed down.  “Yeah?”  “Mhh. I was more into princesses than fairies but my 12 and 9 year old brothers weren’t as keen. They were good when I wanted to join in playing cops though so guess that came in handy” she joked.  “I guess it did,” Jay smiled, imagining a little Hailey running around. “C’mon what do you wanna ask me?” he said when he saw her debating something in her head.  “Uh- The tv the other night. I looked it up and that film- I mean, was she always into acting?” “Mmm. Was a surprise to me too. I haven’t asked her about it yet but I guess she always did liked to perform” “Perform?” she said, cocking her head.  “Yeah. She’s loved ballet ever since Mom first took her - I think she was like 3 or something. Told me today that she’s training to be one” he replied, proud.  “Really? Jay! That’s amazing!”  “Yeah. I’m so proud of her. I mean, Will and I always knew she would” he beamed.  “You have any photos?” Hailey asked, relieved seeing Jay this happy.  

He came back from the bedroom moments later and handed her a purple file folder decorated around the edge with gem stickers. She first picked up the stack of pictures and as she looked through them, the red haired girl in beautiful costumes grew before her, perfectly poised and always smiling widely at the camera.  “Man, you Halstead’s don’t like to go half way with doing things do you?” Hailey joked, perusing through the several clippings of local papers, the word ‘places’ and ‘wins’ jumping out at her in almost every headline. When she got to the last one, she paused at the date. 

_______________________________________________________________________ Carlisle ballerina wins first place in Youth America Grand Prix | 14 January 2013 Madeline Halstead of Carlisle took first place in the junior classical division of the Youth America Grand Prix Regional Semi-Finals held in Pennsylvania this past weekend. The 13 year old who has trained at the Central Pennsylvania Youth Ballet since the age of 7, performed three variations in front of 5 judges and a full audience. Although the Youth Grand Prix is considered to be the world’s largest ballet competition, this was not the first time Madeline captured a win. Miss Halstead first received gold when she was just 10 years old, going on to place in the top 12 in her category every year at the Philadelphia Semi Finals. The spotlight is on for Madeline as she prepares ahead for the NY Finals in April where she placed third in the same category last year.  _______________________________________________________________________

She furrowed her eyebrows as she flicked back through the articles - the earlier ones were mostly about holiday productions held in local schools but there was at least one for every year starting from 2006. Where were the others?  “That’s the last one,” Jay said, reading her thoughts.  She looked back at him confused, but that’s 5 years ago. He meets her with the same indescribable expression she had witnessed that night at Mollys. Jay bore into her as if he was analyzing her trust, then finally placed a file she didn’t catch the first time round in front of her. She tensed as she instantly recognised the front. A case file. 

_______________________________________________________________________

Carlisle P.D. - Missing Juvenile Report  Name: Madeline Grace Halstead  Age:14. Female. White. 5'4", 93 lbs. Red hair, long.  Last seen: Exiting ballet studio at 21:32 on 6/03/2013 walking towards North Street. Reported: 20:36 on 7/03/2013  Reported by: Robert Louis Davis, MD _______________________________________________________________________

Her breath hitched as she read the first few lines of the report. She looked back at him when she got to the reported time. Why did it take that long to report? Who is Robert? He’s a doctor? And where even is Carlisle? 

Hailey watched as Jay downed his drink and slowly began. 

“When Mom died- She uh went to go live with our aunt in Pennsylvania- cause none of us really could be with Maddie. Me n Mouse, we’d just got back, Dad was drinking and - I mean Will didn’t even come back for the funeral.” Hailey noticed the tinge of blame that was there. A smile touched his eyes as he continued, “But Mads loved it in Carlisle. Mamie, our aunt was Mom’s best friend and um she never had kids but she used to come over all the time and she helped us out a lot when Mom got sick. Mads and Mamie, they’d always call or send pictures and me n Mouse would go whenever we could. Mamie and Rob, they really helped me and Mouse out that first year cause- we were just- ” 

Hailey recognised that look in Jay as he trailed off. She always saw it creep up no matter how hard he tried to hide it. She didn’t know where to take this but she figured that him giving her the case file was his way of an invitation. She asked gently, wanting to bring him back. “Jay. She was walking home?” 

Jay slightly shook, bringing himself back and continued, “Maddie always biked or walked there cause it’s like a 15 minute walk and the towns small, safe. Tree lined streets, I mean the actual studios in a college.”

“And Robert? He didn’t realise?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t even look at him because of it then. But I can’t blame the guy - he got home that night at 2am and then slept cause he’d worked 18 hours. The school didn’t call him and Mamie didn’t pick up when the studio called cause she was out of town. Mads usually went straight there from school so he didn’t even know. Only found out when he went to pick her up. They tried but by the time it got reported it was-”

“Nearly 24 hours gone” Hailey thought aloud. 

“Yeah. Didn’t have anything to work with. The footage of her leaving the studio was the last thing, she didn’t show up on any eyes after. Just disappeared. They put out AMBER alerts and reached out to Chicago and New York cause that’s where me and Will were. They thought maybe she ran away but-” 

“She would have shown up on footage” Hailey finished the sentence.

“Yeah.” Jay breathed out, looking down the empty glass. “That and we knew her. She was so excited for the Finals in NY. Case never closed but after a while -” he shaked his head. Hailey watched his body clench as resentment smouldered his features “Not even a year after, Dad started speaking like she was dead. Like she was with Mom. Haven’t talked to him since” Hailey then witnessed the slight, almost imperceptible change in him, but couldn’t quite place it. He inhaled shakily then breathed out, 

“Thing is -”

“I thought she was dead too” 

It made sense to Hailey now. How her partner always seemed to find the cases involving kids the hardest. How he always went beyond helping out families who lost theirs. She wondered if maybe that’s why he joined Intelligence. If maybe in those late nights he stayed even when all the paperwork was done, he was searching for her. And that look she’d seen that night at Mollys. She could name it now. It was a look she would never be able to fully understand.  And as his escaping tears crumbled the wall away, she moved silently and held him. 

She was going to stay with him tonight. 

                                            💙✨🦋✨💙

Next Chapter 

A/N - The characters belong to Dick Wolf and are from the One Chicago universe he created. A longer chapter featuring Hailey and Jay. This was really difficult for me to write so I hope it turned out okay. Thank you so much to those that are coming along on this story with me :) 

[goodwettoco2727]

Donald J. Trump: On the Threshold of Greatness

By Daniel Davies

Despite the many ways in which he’s reviled today, I believe that history will record Trump as one of America’s greatest presidents. Looking at America’s most admired presidents, I was able to identify the four criteria needed to earn that accolade:

• First and foremost, the president led the country through a life and death struggle. 

• Second, the president suffered intense defamation, attack, pernicious plots, and even demonization both domestic and foreign but prevailed.

• Third, the president defended and supported our Republic’s foundational documents and institutions: the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, including all Amendments, especially the Bill of Rights.

• Fourth, he supported American liberty, prosperity, and social welfare. All the greats promoted the actualization of the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and Bill of Rights during their presidencies.

Four presidents have met all those criteria: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt, and Ronald Reagan. One president, Donald Trump, is on the threshold of meeting those criteria. His place is reserved at Mt. Rushmore and history will tell if he is successful. If he is not successful, our nation may perish in the face of the life and death struggle we are now in.

Donald Trump entered the office of the president in 2016 facing a life and death struggle. The previous administration had eviscerated the US military, created an unhealthy alliance with Iran, taken a stand against Israel, failed to take the ISIS caliphate seriously, and presided over a weakening NATO alliance in which member states failed to contribute to the mutual defense. In addition, both Iran and North Korea openly developed nuclear weapons and North Korea threatened an attack on the USA. The United States economy, still not recovered from the recession triggered by the 9/11/2001 attacks, suffered from unequal trade agreements and suffocating government regulations. Race war threatened to break out in a hyper divided nation. The USA also maintained a co-dependent relationship with China, enabling its campaign of total war against the USA in their quest to become the world’s only superpower.

As serious as all those challenges were, the most serious challenge came from within the USA (the second criterion). The previous administration colluded with the DOJ, CIA, FBI, and the federal court system. In addition, corporate media colluded with the administration. The previous administration’s executives entered into corrupt relationships with China, Russia, and Ukraine in return for money.

Despite the constant attack from domestic forces, especially the deep state media, deep state politicians, deep state executive branch departments which falsely accused Trump of racist policies, immorality, graft, collusion with Russia, fascist policies, poor health, and insanity, President Trump presided over the most successful presidency in history, thereby meeting the third and fourth criteria. He

• defused the North Korean and Iranian nuclear threats,

• completely defeated the ISIS caliphate,

• concluded the wars in the Middle East and Afghanistan,

• renegotiated trade agreements,

• strengthened NATO,

• brought energy independence to the USA,

• presided over the strongest economic recovery in history, especially for minorities,

• husbanded historic stock market highs,

• freed businesses from strangling regulations,

• advanced religious liberty,

• protected freedom of speech,

• thwarted illegal immigration,

• rebuilt the military,

• kept the promise to acknowledge Jerusalem as the capital of Israel,

• brokered peace treaties between Israel and former enemies,

• protected the rights of the unborn,

• protected Second Amendment rights,

• advanced health insurance reforms, and

• reformed the VA hospital system.

President Trump nearly single-handedly brought the USA back as the world leader. We were prosperous, at peace, and growing in national unity. All in the face of the most vicious and hostile attacks domestic and foreign.

Donald Trump’s election caught the ruling party by surprise. They had counted on manipulating the 2016 election to maintain control of the government. When that failed, the Deep State launched an all-out effort to remove Donald Trump from office by any means possible. The Deep State (including the CIA, DOJ, FBI, Congress, media including social media, and state governments loyal to the administration) colluded to remove Donald Trump from office through impeachment. When those efforts failed, the Deep State, led by the previous administration behind the scenes, ramped up its program to steal the election of 2020. 

In January 2020, both the first and second metrics reappeared (great national crisis; extreme attacks against the president). China unleashed a weapons-grade, biologically engineered virus on the world, the so-called COVID-19 virus. President Trump took quick action to thwart the attack by banning Chinese from traveling to the USA, providing care for the sick, and developing preventatives as well as vaccines. The Deep State immediately seized the opportunity to use the pandemic to consolidate control of the government (federal and state) and to damage President Trump politically.

The pandemic worked perfectly into their plan to steal the election from President Trump. They learned from the campaign of 2016 that they could not defeat President Trump in a fair election because most Americans rejected the Deep State’s anti-American values.

The Deep State’s plans to rig the election got aid from billions of dollars from social media giants and anti-American agents. They manipulated state governments through courts to permit unmonitored mail-in ballots, bypassing the state legislatures in key swing states. Through that and other types of fraud, the Deep State engineered a stolen election.

On January 6, 2021, when Congress convened to accept the electors’ votes for president and vice president, between 500,000 to 1 million Americans assembled in Washington D.C. to protest the stolen election and oppose Congress’s acceptance of electors. Despite overwhelming proof of election fraud, the swing states ramrodded through electors supporting the Deep State’s candidates. State and federal courts refused to review the evidence to delegitimize the election. Members of both political parties voted to accept the sham electors. The people who gave President Trump a landslide victory felt betrayed.

The Deep State, working hand in glove with domestic terrorists, co-opted a huge, peaceful protest into a small assault on the Capitol buildings. The Deep State media (included social media), through prearranged statements, immediately characterized the protest as an “insurrection” that President Trump engineered. The media censored any view to the opposite and sought to shut down all free speech.

This is a life and death threat to the Republic unlike the life and death threats faced by other great presidents. This is an attack on American institutions and values from within and without. If President Trump can save the country from this attack, he will take his place in Mr. Rushmore. I believe that he will.

[kylankingfiction]

Ryoichi Ishino | Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Origin of GQO (Part 1)

“Hey, look, Sakura has U.A. on her high school future sheet. There’s no way a quirkless tranny like you could get into U.A,” someone teased me as I sat at my desk, minding my own business. I sighed a bit, fed up with the name-calling and teasing. I scratched at my head, a frown covering my face. Hitoshi, my best friend, looked over to me, seeing if I needed any help, but I gave him no response.

“I’m sorry, first of all, my name isn’t Sakura, dumbasses. Secondly, I’m not fucking quirkless. Thirdly, who the fuck do you think you are? I’ve kicked your ass four times over in the last month alone. Wouldn’t you be sick and tired of getting beat up by me?” I retorted in a calm voice before giving my famous death glare at him. He just gave a cocky chuckle in response.

“What are you going to do, huh? Nothing!” He says, trying to provoke me before I turned my body and punched him across the face. I stood up and grabbed my things before walking out of the classroom as the bell rang. I heard the rest of the class hurry to leave me behind. I grumbled to myself, shoving people out of the way as I walked down the hall.

“Fucking extras…” I mumbled before I noticed Hitoshi catching up with me. “Hey, how’s it going?” I asked him casually, to which he just rolled his eyes in response. I sighed and folded my plan paper, and shoved it into my shirt pocket before tugging at my mandatory skirt uncomfortably.

“You do know I should be asking you that…” he mumbled quietly and then looked towards me, watching me being uncomfortable. “Also, remember what the doctors said… once you get your surgery, you’re not going to be able to work out. You’re going to end up physically weak, and you can’t keep fighting people like you are now,” Hitoshi says to me, clearly concerned. I swapped out my shoes with him before starting to walk home.

“I know, I know, seriously. I’ve been prepared for that…” I mumbled, looking down, shivering at the sight of my chest so prominent under my blazer. “These need to get the fuck off of my fucking body,” I mumbled, gripping my hands. I just wanted to be myself, regardless of what others thought. I just needed to be myself.

***

I was sitting in bed, bandages around my chest after my surgery. I was in so much pain and too sore, but other than that, my top surgery went well. I was working on schematics for gear since I will be fragile when the U.A. entrance exam comes around, and with permission and filling out forums, I can have the equipment.

I could hear someone knocking on my door. “Come in!” I call without looking away from my notepad, tapping my pen on the paper. In comes, Hitoshi is holding a bag of fast food, drinks, and his pack. “Hey, I’m here with homework, and I thought you’d be hungry. I bought you a ten-piece,” Hitoshi said as he walked in, coming to sit with me on my bed.

“Oh, thank you. I am now that you mention it,” I say to Hitoshi, chuckling a bit. I move my notepad off to the side and lightly reach out to him for the food, but unable to really since my body was so stiff. He chuckled and handed me the container of chicken nuggets, then my french fries. I set them down on my lap and start to eat. He then pulled out the packets of homework I needed to do today.

“Everyone thinks you got arrested, by the way,” Hitoshi adds, chuckling lightly. I shook my head as I looked at my homework and ate. “Yeah, I didn’t think you’d be too impressed,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. He moved on my bed and leaned against the wall as he ate his burger.

“It’s whatever, not that funny though,” I said, reading over the packet. I held my hand out for Hitoshi to pass me my drink, which he does without thinking. “Fuck, are you coming over after school every day with food? Because I can get used to this,” I said as I took a drink, which made Hitoshi chuckle.

“Sure, I don’t mind,” he said, smiling at me. I smiled back at him for a moment before I grabbed my pen and set the packet onto my small table my parents bought me so I could work on my bed. I started to fill out the responses as I continued to eat. “Can I see your progress?” Hitoshi asked me, seeing my notebook with my makeshift schematics open. I nodded without looking away from my paper.

He flipped through the schematics and looked at my hero outfit design as well. “These are pretty cool, but your hero costume is so boring,” Hitoshi points out, showing me the page with the hero outfit. “Why not make it more punk? It’s just a baggy jumper with the boots, gloves and goggles,” Hitoshi said, looking back at it again.

“I don’t know… My quirk doesn’t feel like- It doesn’t feel like its punk, and shouldn’t my hero suit represent my quirk?” I explained, shrugging a bit, continuing the homework, and eating. He nodded, sighing a bit, looking at it again, then smiling a bit.

“You could add some buckles; that’d be cool,” Hitoshi suggests, chuckling a bit. He took a pencil and started to sketch some out as I shook my head and continued to do my homework and eat the food, he brought them.

***

Hitoshi came over every day after school for three weeks straight, bringing me food and homework and then bringing my homework back to the teachers. It was my first day returning to school, and everyone kept asking me why I got arrested. I kept telling them arson, and it freaked people out.

“Why did you keep telling them you got arrested for arson?” He asked me as we walked towards the Karaoke bar my dad worked at as a chef. Most of the food there was his original recipes by this point. We were planning on letting off some steam by singing our hearts out like we always did when shit got rough.

I shrugged in response to him asking why I chose arson. “Because it was far left, and I’m dying to burn down the Endeavor building anyways,” I explained, chuckling a bit at the idea. Hitoshi puts his face in his hands and shakes his head.

“That is not something you should say when you’re trying to get into U.A., and you know that already,” Hitoshi said to me, making me laugh even more before and winced a bit, my body still being tense from the surgery. When we got to the karaoke bar, we went to our usual table and sat down, ordering some appetizers and sodas.

“Okay, I’m going to go and sing my first song,” I said, patting his shoulder a few times before going up to the guy running the karaoke and putting in which song I wanted, heading onto the stage. I started to sing January Gloom by All Time Low, getting the usual cheers from the regulars who knew me and the fact that I was the head chef's child.

***

I was sitting and watching Ryoichi on stage. They were so handsome. They had been growing out their hair after having it completely shaved for the last two years. They still had around a third of their head shaved, and then the long part was as long as their ear lobe. And the over-the-top makeup they used looked amazing on them. They had black and dark purple today and black lipstick.

Maybe I was in love with them, but they aren’t interested, and I’m okay with that. I told them that I had feelings for the last year, and they rejected me. But we’re still best friends, and they trust me more than anyone. I notice a guy at the table next to ours staring up at Ryoichi in awe as they sang. I walked over with my soda and leaned on his table.

“You must be new here. Ryoichi normally performs all the time. Their dad is the head chef,” I said to him casually, startling a bit by my presence. “I’m Shinso, that’s Ishino. They prefer their first name, Ryoichi,” I added, holding my hand out. I mostly spoke to him because I didn’t want this guy to misgender them.

“Oh! Uh, yeah. My friend told me this place is a good place to hang out, so I thought I’d check it out,” he said softly, glancing towards me. He saw me holding out my hand and shook it. “I’m Sero,” he said, looking towards me and then glanced back up to them. “She’s beautiful…” he muttered under his breath. I did everything I could to not frown at him.

“They’re nonbinary and go by them and them pronouns. They also don’t like being called pretty or beautiful,” I said, glancing towards Sero, seeing the way he looked at them. I wasn't into the fact someone was looking at them like that, but from what Ryoichi had told me, he was their type. Sero flinched a bit, getting an apologetic look, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh shit, my bad…” he apologized and then looked down at his drink, blushing a bit. He seemed to be, well, questioning his sexuality. Ryoichi was the one who helped me figure out I wasn’t straight, so this wasn’t that big of a surprise to me. “They’re handsome…” he mumbled, correcting himself.

“Hey! How was it?” Ryoichi cheered after running over, smiling brightly towards me before hugging me. Before I could say anything, they looked towards Sero, staring for a moment. A light blush appeared on their face. Knowing Ryoichi, their brain probably stopped working if they thought he was cute. “So, who’s this nerd?” They asked, their tone shifting to be a bit flirty as they leaned against the table, smirking a bit. Yup, they thought he was cute, and if I’m not wrong, their exact thought right now has to be ‘Cute nerd boy’ over and over.

Sero looked towards them, blushing a bit. “Oh! I’m Sero; Shinso told me that your name was Ryoichi,” Sero said nervously, holding his hand out for them to shake. They smirked and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, hot stuff,” they flirted with him, which made his whole face turn a bright red at their words. I chuckled and put my hand on their shoulder.

“I’m going to go and sing a song. Don’t scare him off,” I whispered to them, chuckling a bit, making them blush as they continued to flirt with him. I haven’t seen Ryoichi show such interest in someone so quickly. Maybe it’s the top surgery? They’ve slowly gotten more confident as they transitioned and gradually became themself more and more.

I went all the way to the stage and performed a song of my own. I watched the scene below of Ryoichi flirting with Sero. He seemed very flustered, but it was nice to see Ryoichi hit it off with someone like this since he appeared to not be against the idea of someone who wasn’t a girl flirting with him, so I wasn’t too worried about that.

[ofpensandpapersblog]

FROM CALM TO CHAOS: A year into the COVID-19 pandemic

It was January 30, 2020. Everyone was beginning to execute their game plan for their goals set for the year. And while everyone was getting busy, life had its way to changing its course – getting everyone caught off guard because of the ‘unprecedented’ arrival of the novel coronavirus (COVID-19).

At first, majority dismissed the matter when a suspected COVID-19 case was reported, and everything seemed to have died down a month later with no additional cases reported.

Calm.

Beginning March 2020, the very first local transmission of COVID-19 had been reported and from then on, the confirmed positive cases continued to rise day-by-day. This has prompted the Government to devise a plan in a bid to stop the spread of the disease and placed Luzon into lockdown. It was March 15, 2020.

Nobody knew what to do after that day. Everyone was panicking; there’s confusion and fear everywhere.

Visayas and Mindanao soon reported local transmissions and followed suit, declaring lockdowns to contain the outbreak. Soon, the whole of the country was placed into a state of calamity.

Although people were able to cope with the ‘new normal’ after a while, several serious problems came to light – in the Government, in the community, in oneself.

Chaos.

For the whole of 2020, everyone hoped for the better like I did.

Was the COVID-19 contained? No. But everyone made the most out of the situation.

Everyone tried to move on with life and optimistically looked forward to a different year ahead.

Calm.

Beginning 2021, the Government have opted to gradually relax restrictions, reopen the economy, and allow some of the things people dreaded for.

At the office, we were almost back to the ‘normal’ daily operations. Instead of working at home, majority of us in our unit were already reporting on site four (even five) times a day.

In the Church, we have reopened physical service at 50% capacity (in adherence to the IATF guidelines). Physical meetups and fellowships were also being done.

Yet when everyone looked to end the year-long agony brought about by the pandemic in 2021, all hell broke loose once again.

---

Since the start of the year, we were already wrapping our heads in one of the agency’s project for its 25th anniversary – a coffee table book.

Aside from the internal documents that needed to be prepared, we also coordinated with different companies and groups that will be featured in the said project; we sent emails, prepared scheduled visits and trips, and many more. It is stressful to the core – in work and in principle.

We started the company visits and trips beginning March 2021 but had to halt it for a week due to poor planning and coordination of the third-party supplier. We had to step in to ensure proper communication with the stakeholders regarding the feature.

It was March 15, 2021. During this time, there were already reports of increasing COVID-19 cases but there was no clear plan to be done by the Government yet again. It seems like a repeat of last year...

The same day, a photoshoot for a certain group of people was conducted at the office in relation to the coffee table book project. This was the nth time that we breached the guidelines on mass gathering – yes, I had to state that out – although, there were fewer people that time compared to the earlier scheduled shoot. We are to resume the company visits starting the next day.

March 16. There were already rumors of positive COVID-19 cases at the office, but no one confirmed nor denied the information, so we went on our day as usual.

March 17. The rumors were eventually confirmed – two staff from another floor tested positive of COVID; however, employees were suspecting that there’s more. In the afternoon, the management has decided to suspend operations for the rest of the week to conduct disinfection of premises. At the same time, the reported COVID positive cases around the country was once again ballooning rapidly.

Despite tbe suspension, we continued our scheduled company visits for the project, but the scheduled flights for the next week have eventually been postponed due to the worsening situation.

March 20. There have been additional confirmed cases among the agency’s employees. We were getting quite concerned on this as we’ve heard that we might be primary contacts – AND WE WERE IN FACT EXPOSED.

We were informed the next day that three staff from our unit, including me, turned out to be primary contacts while the rest of the group were our secondary contacts. As such, we were ordered to immediately have our swab tests done and go on quarantine.

In the back of my mind, I was taken aback as just in a matter of days, things went out of hand.

Due to the escalation of events, the agency had been placed on ‘lockdown’ and mass testing of employees was ordered. This time, the Government has announced that the Greater Manila will be placed under ECQ again.

Chaos.

Of course for the safety of everyone, we immediately complied to the instructions.

I got tested on March 22 and, thankfully, the results went back ‘negative’ the next day. Or so I thought…

March 24. I woke up feeling sick – my back aches, my head hurts so bad, I was coughing, and I have high fever. I immediately told my mom what I was feeling. I also informed my supervisor and three of my closest colleagues about what’s happening.

For the rest of the day, I monitored if my temperature would go down and all that’s aching in me would go away. It didn’t.

Since I wasn’t getting better, I reported to our company nurse what’s happening. I was told to undergo some laboratory tests and take a swab test again.

In my mind, I was already preparing for the worse. I prayed to God, “Lord, if this is my thorn of flesh, I am willing to accept, but please help me see the bigger picture.”

Praise God, all laboratory tests were clear. But I tested positive for COVID-19.

It was morning of March 27 that I confirmed the diagnosis, 8 days since I was exposed. It broke my heart, but I trust that the Lord will be with me in this journey. I prayed to God for understanding and healing. I also prayed that my parents and my brother’s girlfriend, and those people around me, will be spared from this. “As much as possible, Lord, ako na lang.”

For the next few days, my condition worsened: my fever wasn’t going down despite the round-the-clock paracetamol, I developed cough and colds, I lost my sense of taste and smell and my appetite, but I had to force myself to eat because I need to take antibiotics and other medicine. I also experienced uncomfortable breathing.

Due to my condition, I was already thinking of scenarios that didn't even happened yet – what if I needed to go to the hospital? All hospitals near me are at full capacity. What would I do? What will happen now?

During those times, I wanted the comfort of my parents, but they can’t even go near me. Literally so close, yet so far. Never have I ever felt so alone in my life… but I thank God for never leaving my side. Even when I can’t see Him, I was assured that He was with me all the way.

That very moment that I wanted to give up, kaleidoscope of memories flashed in my head, and I remembered my mom and dad, and Kuya, and his girlfriend, my friends, the people I cherished the most… And I heard a gentle whisper that said, “Hold on.”

In those moments, I uttered the same prayer that Jesus said to the Father in Luke 22:42, “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

Thankfully, I started to get better at the start of the Holy Week 2021. Majority of my symptoms were already gone by the end of the week. It’s funny, but I felt like I was resurrected alongside the remembrance of that momentous time when Christ took on the cross the weight of our sins, defeated death, and resurrected on the third day to sit at the right hand of God.

It was the hardest and scariest week of my life. It was as if I would see the light any time. But it was also the same time that I met God again.

For the longest time, I had set aside the Lord. But the moment I was alone and I had no one to turn to, He was there. He never left… He never will.

I really appreciate those people who constantly checked on me and prayed with me during those times. Thank you, Lord, for using them to remind me that You are with me.

I am continuously getting better twenty days since I got the virus. But praise God because I do not have any symptoms anymore and I am already back to doing what I usually do while on continuous recovery.

My heart goes to those who lost their fight against this virus. I pray for God’s comfort, guidance, peace, and protection be upon their families. I also pray for healing and provision to those suffering from COVID and its drastic effects.

---

Was COVID contained now? Still no. The cases are still at record-breaking peaks. Frontliners are still suffering. Hospitals are still full. People are still frustrated and mad at the Government for their lack of concrete plan.

COVID IS REAL. And this situation must be taken seriously. It's not anymore a matter of 'what if I get COVID' but more of 'when will I get COVID.' Sad, but it's true.

But beyond the current situation, GOD IS ALSO REAL. He knows everything that is happening, and He accounts every one of them – justly and fairly.

1 Peter 3:12 says:

"For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.'"

Let us continue to pray for the better; He listens. He is closer than we know. #

[365days365movies]

January 5, 2021: The Running Man (1987) (Part 1)

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Stallone, I hadn’t seen a lot of, Arnie, on the other hand. Oh, I’ve seen plenty of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Conan the Barbarian, The Terminator, Commando, Predator, Total Recall, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Jingle All the Way, Batman and Robin, and Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines fills my list of seen Arnie films. What’s missing?

Kindergarten Cop, Twins, Junior, Last Action Hero, and True Lies certainly come to mind. And yeah, you might’ve noticed that those are all action-comedies. Two of these will be seen during Comedy April; one’s gonna be watched tomorrow. Of course, there are still other movies missing in that list above, but Schwarzenegger has a LOT of movies. And so, today, we’re going for one of his ‘80s action films, based off of a Stephen King story. That’d be a little movie called The Running Man.

A movie set in the far-flung dystopian future of...2019...The Running Man is one of Schwarzenegger’s understated classics, at least as compared to his other dynamos of the era. All I know is, it’s his only major big pure action film of the time that’s slipped under my radar. I don’t have any particular expectations going in, but I’m expecting some typical Schwarzenanigans. 

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

Recap

So, the global economy collapsed in 2017, eventually leading to a global police state and state-controlled television. High censorship reigns, and the most popular show (of all time, apparently) is a gladiator-type series called “The Running Man.” Any dissent is quickly crushed, which (naturally) has led to a small underground resistance movement, like it always does. 

As we start, police helicopter pilot Ben Richards (Arnold Schwarzenegger), an authority figure with a conscience (unsurprisingly), using his vehicle (which operates off of the above seen UNIXSYSTEM (I know this)) to monitor and detect potential riots. Richards proceeds to defy orders to fire on innocent citizens who only want food, and gets knocked out by his coworkers.

We cut to 18 months later, where Richards is confined to a work camp, where people die, and nobody’s loved. They’re all wearing detonator collars, and I know the plot of the movie.

Seriously, the plot, the ending, Schwarzenegger’s role, it’s all done. I got it. I’ve seen this story a thousand times. He’s gonna be recruited to join the Running Man game show that the guards are talking about, escape just before they’re gonna kill him (probably), join up with the rebellion, bring new life into them, probably fall in love at some point, and then take down the head of the police state and/or the game show.

I got this. Which is a little disappointing, if I’m right. Automatically got some points against it, but hopefully I’ll still enjoy the ride. 

Anyway, back to the gulag. Schwarzenegger and another prisoner stage a fight, allowing the third prisoner to try hacking the perimeter fence that triggers the collars. After losing a guy so that we can see somebody’s head blow up, the perimeter is shut down, and all of the prisoners escape. 

Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, we’re introduced to the Running Man, a DOJ-sponsored game show in which the contestants are “criminals, traitors, and enemies of the state,” who are essentially executed on national television. Dark. I like it. Our escapees meet up with the underground, and they get their collars taken off. Not wanting to get involved in any rebellion (yeah, OK, sure), Richards leaves the city. And he’s definitely never gonna come back for any reason.

We now meet our villain of the piece, Damon Killian, played by the Kissing Bandit himself, Richard Dawson. And I’m not gonna lie, casting Dawson as the country’s greatest game show host is...great, it’s great, it’s one of my favorite casting choices so far this month. Dawson, for those of you who didn’t know, was the first host of Family Feud. He also had a well-known penchant for kissing the female contestants that came on the show. That’s how he earned the moniker, “The Kissing Bandit.” And yeah, it was a little creepy, in retrospect.

Killian immediately comes off as a two-faced slime, and I am more ready for this character than I have ever been. I mean, an evil game show host? SOLD! If they ever remake this movie, I would give good money to see either John O’Hurley or (please, please) Steve Harvey take up this role, since both have been Family Feud hosts. Could you imagine?

We also meet Amber, our inevitable love interest played by Maria Conchita Alonso, who’s watching the news, with Ben’s face on it. We learn that he’s known as the “Butcher of Bakersfield,” being framed as a “maniac” who fired on innocent civilians (when, of course, that’s what he was trying to prevent. I feel like there’s a comment on the media to be made here, but I ain’t gonna make it. Yet.). Amber now lives in his brother’s apartment, as he was taken for reeducation. I’m sure he’s fine.

Killian sees footage of the escape, wants Ben Richards for the show, and immediately calls the President’s agent to make it happen. I love it. Richards, in the meanwhile, coerces a tied up Amber to help him get out of the city. We get to see the treat of a 6′4″ Austrian man wearing a badly-fitting Hawaiian shirt, which just looks ridiculous, and I appreciate it. 

It immediately doesn’t work, and she rats him out, leading to his inevitable capture by the cops, and to our hero meeting our villain for the first time. 

Dawson makes Ben an offer he can’t refuse, having kidnapped his prison friends in order to coerce Ben to compete in his show, “The Running Man.” Ben agrees, and is subjected to a medical procedure and sedated. Amber, in the meantime, starts to realize that the government sucks, and might be framing Richards. And then, Climbing For Dollars comes on.

I am more confident than I should that that show either does or will exist. Bet.

Anyway, Ben “The Butcher of Bakersfield” is the main attraction on the show tonight! We get a montage of women dancing on a darkened stage in ‘80s tights, choreographed by original American idol judge, Paula Abdul! Small world, that. 

Damon Killian comes on stage, pouring on the smarmy charm to the audience, on and off screen. Something about how slimy he is just reeks 80s, and I’m living for it. Ben Richards is introduced using a bit of edited footage framing him as the Butcher, which also places Killian as an avenger and hero of the people, which...yeah, continuing to dig it. The audience jeers as the dancers parade around him in theater, eventually revealing...

I can’t decide if he looks terrible or fantastic in this outfit.

It’s revealed then that Killian’s double-crossed Ben (unsurprisingly), and his friends have been brought to compete in the game regardless. It’s also revealed that the “Runners” will be pursued by the “Stalkers.” And if they survive, they could win prizes like a fair trial, or maybe even a pardon if they get far enough! Whoof. This is a rough dystopia, and one with enough tinges of reality, that it’s palpable. BUT ANYWAY! It’s time to start running!

The guys are shot down a sick-looking bullet tube that’s almost certainly given someone an epileptic seizure in the past, and they exit into the mean streets of Los Angeles. Edith from the show audience picks the first Stalker to go out and hunt them down: Subzero.

Actually, this is Professor Subzero, played by Professor Toru Tanaka, a professional wrestler of the day. The group meet him in a hockey rink, where he’s covered in armor, carries a weaponized hockey stick, and uses explosive hockey pucks like a GODDAMN BATMAN VILLAIN.

I love this movie.

Well, the future Mister Freeze kills Professor SubZero, Because there can only be one ice-themed supervillain here. This is also the first time a Stalker has been killed in the show’s history. And wow, Ben is making himself look REAL bad. Both because of killing a Stalker, and by spitting out TWO shitty action movie lines in a row.

Ratings are up, Amber gets caught proving Ben’s innocence, and the next two Stalkers are chosen. One is Buzzsaw, armed with a chainsaw and super-strength.

The other is Dynamo, a GODDAMN OPERA SINGER WITH A METAL MOHAWK WEARING A SUIT THAT GRANTS HIM ELECTROKINESIS.

This film is our greatest achievement as a species. I am crying. I’m gonna need a minute.

Part II coming later today!

[mastrmiscellaneous]

Baby two: Electric Boogaloo

Word count: 6459

Summary: Merula and Thomas have their second child, struggling to balance looking after their 5-year-old daughter, and making sure Merula doesn’t run herself out and hurt herself, and the baby.

i.e. a fic i found in my folders that was unfinished, and me, a bored student, decided to write until 3am to finish it.

Merula had dropped Ari off at Penny and Rowen’s, so she and Thomas could spend a few hours alone. Merula had some exciting news to share, and she needed to be alone with Thomas to tell him.

She had set out the dining room into a simple, yet beautiful, design, made a nice meal, and dressed into a nice outfit. It was perfect.

She waited for her husband for another hour, and as soon as she heard the front door being unlocked, she jumped up from her seat and dashed towards the door, bouncing in place, excitably, as she waited for Thomas to finally open the door. Once he did, she rushed into his arms, smiling wide and laughing slightly to herself.

“Well, hello there!” Thomas jumped at the sudden contact.

 At the age of five, Ari Donner had the perfect life. She was the only child, and the main focus of Thomas and Merula Donner, two Pureblood Slytherins that forged a family after fighting everything that either family threw at them, surging out on their own, and making a perfect life for themselves.

They weren’t her only family, though. She had her aunty Penny and uncle Rowen, with their daughters, Ash and Aspen, and she had her aunt Tulip, uncle Ben (Benny to her), uncle Barnaby (her Barny Bear), uncle Charlie, uncle Bill, and his wife Fleur. They were her family, because her parents said so.

“Family isn’t who you were born to, Ari. It’s who you want to spend your life with.”

That is what her parents always told her, and she knew, even at the tender age of five, that these people are who she wanted to keep in her life. These people were her family, and her family was the best, most perfect family ever. She couldn’t imagine how her life could get any better, and refused to think of it getting worse.

Who would have thought both of those things would happen because of the same thing?

20th January, 2004…

Ari was playing by herself, happily, in the living room of the Donner household, as her parents spoke quietly to each other in the kitchen, discussing what how they are going to share their news with their daughter. Ari thought nothing about what they were saying, as she found it confusing, but later that night, she would finally understand.

“Ok, so we tell her tonight, but what do we say?” Thomas muttered, checking the door every few seconds, making sure Ari wasn’t sneaking around outside. “This will be quite complicated for her to understand.”

“I asked Penny about that. She said when she was pregnant with Aspen, they had to just be honest with Ash. Just keep it simple, and answer questions honestly.”

“Ash was two. Ari is five. I think there’s a bit of a difference.”

“I know, Thomas. I would say that makes it easier. We have to just do what we can. At least just so she doesn’t get freaked out by me changing.”

Merula leant back on the kitchen counter and hugged her stomach, a nervous expression on her face. She didn’t want to ruin the bond she had with her daughter, knowing how much a mother-daughter bond can affect a young girl like Ari. Thomas, noticing his wife’s nervousness, slipped closer and engulfed her in a long, soft embrace, tangling his fingers in her hair.

“It’s going to be fine, Meru. Ari’ll get it. Everything will be fine.”

 Hours later, it was Ari’s bedtime, and she was confused at why both of her parents were putting her to bed tonight. They change her into pyjamas and tucked her into bed, but before she could settle down, and go to sleep, her parents sat down on the bed and started to talk to her, saying things were going to start changing in the house in the next few months. They said that her mother would look different in a few months and she wouldn’t be able to do the things she can now, or she could hurt herself… and the baby growing inside her.

Ari had questions, and her parents answered to their best ability, just as they had promised. She wondered how long it would take, they answered nine months. She asked about her mother, and they said she would be fine. She asked questions for half an hour, every one being answered honestly. Once she ran out of questions, they tucked her in, once again, and she fell asleep, still confused, but happy, knowing her perfect family would be enlarged.

 A few days after Thomas and Merula told Ari about her future baby sibling, the couple started to wake up earlier in the morning, all because Merula had started the morning sickness faze. Every morning at 5 O’clock, Merula would wake with a sick feeling in her stomach, and the sudden need to expel the contents of her stomach. She felt awful, but better than she did with Ari, as she knew more than back then.

“Remind me why we did this again.” She muttered, between heaves.

“We wanted another kid. You were insistent on doing it now.” Thomas stated for the third time that week, rubbing her back and holding her shoulder-length hair back.

“Right.”  She heaved once more, luckily nothing coming out.

“You good now?” Thomas leaned forward and looked at her, smiling. She nodded, and smiled, weakly.

“Get me some water?”

“Ok, one sec.”

He leapt to his feet and grabbed the glass they had put in the bathroom once again, and filled it with water, handing it to her when he was done. She sipped the water and swished it around her mouth, spitting it out into the toilet, and taking another sip, swallowing this one. They sat in the bathroom for another 10 minutes, Merula sipping her water, and the two of them chatting lightly about this and that. After a while, they left the room and got dressed for the day at work. Merula woke up Ari at 6:30, so they could get her dressed and drop her off at the magi-day-care she went to. The day went smoothly for everyone, Merula resisting the urge to throw up at the scent of her co-worker’s coffee for the whole day.

 Two months into Merula’s pregnancy, her morning sickness had gotten better, quicker than it had with Ari. She had been sent home twice for throwing up in the toilets, but no one suspected her ‘condition’.

This time, that was the best thing in her head. She had recently been put in charge of a project at work, and she feared that if she mentioned this to anyone at work, she could get removed from the project completely and set back her career a few years, once again. Forever the ambitious and driven type, she wanted to keep the secret a little longer than last time, but Thomas disagreed, getting worried that her boss not knowing could cause problems, as he could give her more to do, and she would just end up over doing it, ending up hurting herself and their child. He brought it up to her one Friday after Ari had been put to bed. She was doing some paperwork she needed to complete for the next day, and Thomas noticed that she looked tired, but didn’t let herself slow down, so she could finish that night.

“Merula, maybe you should stop for the night. You look tired.” He worried, sitting down next to her at the table.

“I can’t right now. These have to be completed by tomorrow morning, and I’m almost done.” She spoke quietly, focused on her work harder than she ever worked before.

“Merula, you need to relax! You can’t over work, now especially!”

She put down her quill, and looked at Thomas, frustrated with the interruptions. “Thomas, I am fine. I can’t just stop my work because of this, especially now. You know this is the first project I’ve been put in charge of, and I need it to go well, so I can do more later. Just let me do my, and I’ll finish up soon.”

She picked her quill back up and started to write again, but Thomas wasn’t done talking.

“Merula, this project is going to take a while to complete, and you need rest-‘’

“Not now, Thomas!” She raised her voice just enough to be a shout to Tomas’ ears, but not loud enough to be heard by Ari, upstairs. She took in a deep breath and exhaled, exasperated. “Just let me finish. I’ll be fine, trust me. I just need to finish.”

Thomas stared at Merula, annoyed at the fact that she wasn’t listening to him, but he left it alone, not wanting to stress her out any more than he already had. He let his shoulders slump, and sighed, walking away and up the stairs to check on their daughter, to see if she had been woken up by her mother’s shouting.

True to her word, Merula finished quite quickly. Maybe 30 minutes later. By then, Merula felt bad about snapping at Thomas, so put her things away and immediately curled up, nuzzling up to him on the sofa and finally relaxing for the night.

 “What the fuck, Merula.” Thomas said, bluntly, once he came home from a suddenly shortened day at work. He had gotten a letter from her boss, after she had collapsed during a meeting, telling him that and that she had been taken home. He was so happy Ari was still in day-care.

“Don’t worry, Thomas, I’m fine…” She was definitely not fine.

She was laying across the sofa, propped up slightly with two pillows behind her back, and she sounded exhausted. At this point, she was five months along, and her project at work was almost complete, but all of the final parts she had to look over, and small parts that needed completing that they had overlooked, were putting an immense amount of stress on her shoulders. This, along with her duties as a mother, was becoming a great pressure, Merula refusing to relax any more than she does normally.

Thomas sighed, shaking his head, and walked over to Merula, crouching down next to her and grasping her hand in his. “Hun, you are most definitely and obviously, absolutely, not fine.”

Merula laughed, and muttered about her husband being dramatic. Said husband was not amused. He released Merula’s hand and stood, releasing a low growl from the back of his throat from the sudden anger. “Seriously Merula, you really need to chill out! I told you something would happen, and it did!! Now we have to go and check everything is ok with you both! I know you’ve been feeling like shit recently, I tried so hard to get you to relax and stay safe for the both of you, but you’re still just so stubborn that you ignored me and did something stupid and now we have to live with the consequences!! Whether it is you on bedrest, or… problems.”

He was pacing up and down the living room, waving his hands around during his frustrated rant towards his wife. His emotions had fully taken over and his thoughts from the past few months came flooding out all at once. Thomas hated being mad at Merula, but he was so scared for her and their newest child. Merula had a stressful job at the best of times, being a professional curse-breaker and curse prevention expert, so dealt with a lot on the daily. When you take that, add on looking after a 5-year-old, and doing general housework, Merula did a lot. Obviously, Thomas helps out, they share duties around the house, but he was also stressed a lot. The difference is, he wasn’t carrying a baby.

Thomas finished his rant. back turned to Merula as he took a breath. He heard a sniff coming from behind him and he turned around, only to be faced with Merula, now sitting, holding her bump, tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry…” She whimpered. Her voice broke as she spoke. “I should have listened to you, I’m sorry…”

Thomas sighed. He still felt annoyed, but his sense of guilt and will to comfort her was stronger. He sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in. Desperate for comfort, she nuzzled into Thomas’ chest and gripped his shirt, quietly sobbing for a few minutes as Thomas played with her hair (her preferred method of physical comfort).

“It’s ok hun. I’ve got you. We’re going to make sure you,” He move a hand to her belly, and she shifted under his arm to do the same. “And this little one are ok.”

Thomas kissed the top of her head and squeezed her shoulders. Merula looked up at him with bright, teary eyes, and a shaky, pouted lip. “You’re still mad…”

Thomas smiled, trying to comfort her. “Only a little. Just… listen to me? Please? You know I just want you to be safe.”

Merula hugged him, burying her face in his chest, and mumbling a soft, muffled “I will.”

“Good. We should get you checked today. I’ll get Rowan to pick up Ari.” Thomas ruffled his wife’s hair and stood, offering his hand to help her stand up. “You need help?”

Merula nodded, taking his hand and pulling herself up, her legs wobbling on her way up. As the pair was walking out, she clung to Thomas’ arm, relying on him to keep her up as her tired body did not want to do the work to hold her weight. It was at this moment that Merula truly realised the extent of the damage she had done, which did not help her emotional state. Thomas helped her into their muggle car and handed her his phone to text Rowan as he drove into London, towards the hospital. Moments like these made him extremely glad the maternity ward accepted walk-ins.

 After 3 hours, and several tests later, the two Donners were sent home with strict instructions for Merula. The doctor had concluded that the excessive amount of stress, little rest, and constant movement, had caused her blood pressure to rise significantly, causing her to faint earlier in the day, and the wobbly feeling she currently felt. Merula had been prescribed with bedrest for at least a month, where she can only be on her feet for up to an hour in a day. After said month, they would have another appointment to discuss progress.

Merula was not happy with this news, to say the least, as this meant that she would have to pass on her leadership duty at work to someone else. However, she was happy in that she would finally be able to focus on her newest spawn (She had a strange obsession with calling her children her spawn. Thomas had no explanation for this). On that thought, how would she look after Ari when on bedrest? This is going to be incredibly difficult.

“Don’t worry Meru.” Thomas said, whilst they were driving home. “I’ll do the housework, I’m sure our friends won’t mind helping out with Ari. We’ll figure it out.”

“We better…” Merula mumbled.

 Thomas was preparing his and his wife’s bed for her to pretty much stay in it for a month when he heard a knock on the front door. he had left Merula in the living room to sit comfortably while he prepped the bed, but knew his wife. She would not be used to this new way of life yet and would go to open the door, so he yelled down the stairs, “Stay there Merula! I’ll get it!”

he folded over the top end of the duvet and dashed downstairs and opening the door. He found Penny standing at the door, carrying a sleepy Ari in her arms, with a worried but comforting smile on her face. They greeted each other and Ari stirred, looking up and at her father, and reached out to be held by him, calling out to him in her adorable tired voice. Thomas took his daughter and hugged her close, greeting her and telling her he missed her. Penny asked if she could see Merula, as she was worried about her, after only really hearing about her fainting in work. Thomas said that was ok and stood to the side, letting her in, and nodding his head to silently say ‘follow me’. Muttering to his daughter about ‘seeing mummy before going to bed’, which seemed to excite the little girl, they walked into the living room.

Merula sensed to movement behind her and turned, smiled, and greeted Penny quickly before beginning to dote on Ari, who had wriggled out of Thomas’ grip and ran to her mother, clambering onto the sofa and nuzzling under her arm, happy she could see her mum again after her long day away from her. Merula hugged her daughter close to her side and tangled her fingers in her long, brown hair, asking her questions about her day and giving her little kisses. Thomas smiled at Penny and they laughed at being ignored, moving into the kitchen to make some tea.

After a few minutes of this, Ari was yawning and wanted to go to bed. By this time, Thomas and Penny had come back, placing down an extra cup of tea on the table beside Merula.

“You wanna go to bed, sweets?” Thomas asked his daughter, sitting beside his two ladies. Ari hummed and nodded, nuzzling into her mum’s side.

“Ok baby, daddy’s going to take you upstairs, ok?” Merula said sweetly.

“Ok mummy.” Ari yawned, rubbing her eyes and hugging her mum, then leaned over to her dad and he picked her up, where she immediately flopped in his arms. she weakly waved at Penny, who wished her goodnight, and the two made their way upstairs, leaving the two women in the living room.

Penny moved to sit next to Merula and faced her, looking serious and concerned. All she said was “Explain.”

that made Merula chuckle. “I’ve been put on bed rest for a month. Apparently, my blood pressure was too high.”

“Merlin’s beard, Merula! What the hell were you doing?”

“Too much,” Merula laughed.

The two women laughed, both knowing Merula’s work ethic far too well, and immediately understanding why this happened. Merula told Penny what had happened that day, from the morning to evening, from her feeling unwell, to fainting, and finally the doctor’s office. Penny offered to help out whenever the Donner family needed during this time. Merula was very grateful, and said she would call if she needed help. Thomas had come downstairs by the time Merula had finished her story, and the three adults discussed how they would get through the month, and discussed what would happen if she had to continue for longer.

“Wait, what are you going to do about work?” Penny asked. “How are you going to tell your boss you can’t come in for a month if you can’t go in to tell him?”

Merula froze in realisation, her teacup halfway up towards her mouth. Her violet eyes were as wide as saucers. Her free hand shot to the top of her bump, where she nervously rubbed circles, a habit she got into With Ari. “Shit… I didn’t think of that…”

“How about I go in tomorrow and explain everything?” Thomas offered, placing a hand over hers, giving it a small, comforting squeeze. “The doctor gave us a note, so there’s proof.”

Merula nodded, taking a deep breath. “That would be good, thank you.” she smiled up at him.

Penny stayed for another half hour, an hour in total, before she left to go home to her own family. Shortly after, Thomas helped Merula up the stairs and into bed, being his flirty self. he made Merula jump and giggle when he decided to squeeze her butt when going up the stairs, and earned a pillow to the face and another giggle when they were getting changed by making exaggerated gasps and wolf-whistles whenever he saw some skin. The woman was flustered and blushing by the time she was laying down in bed. She shifted herself to be facing Thomas, finding herself laying on the comfiest, softest pillows they owned.

“Spoiling me a bit with these pillows, aren’t you, love?” She chuckled, reaching out to hold his hand, which he gave.

“Well, you are going to be spending a lot of time here, may as well make sure you’re as comfortable as possible.” He smiled.

Merula sighed, curling up a bit, and frowning. “This is going to be one hell of a month. How are we going to explain this to Ari? ‘Hey kid, you know how I’m growing your new sibling? well, life has made me ill, so I need to stay in bed for a month to make sure they don’t die!’”

“Well, we won’t say it like that, certainly.” Thomas said, sarcastically. “It’s Friday tomorrow, we’ll just say you feel sick tomorrow, and explain it on Saturday. It’ll be easier then.”

“Good idea.”

Thomas leaned over and kissed his wife, snuggling up to her and wrapping his arms around her, the best he could with the bump in the way. they said goodnight to each other, and fell asleep.

 Explaining the situation to Ari was a lot more difficult than it was explaining pregnancy to her. At first, the parents explained it as Merula being unwell, and it was bad for her and the baby if she kept on running around with work and housework, so she was going to be staying in bed most of the time for a month. Apparently, this was the wrong way of explaining it for their daughter, because she immediately started to cry, thinking something bad was going to happen to her mum, and she thought she was going to be without a mum and sibling if Merula stepped foot out of the bed. After ten minutes of Merula hugging her sobbing daughter, rocking her slightly and consoling her until she was dry of tears, they finally got Ari to understand that her mum was not going to die, and was going to be fine, she just needed to relax a bit for a while. Ari understood that, relating it to her wanting to play instead of doing homework once she got home, which made her parents chuckle. The three Donners decided to have a relaxed day in bed that Saturday, watching muggle entertainment on the television Thomas had acquired. Ari was snuggled between her parents, mostly leaning in the crook of Merula’s arm, fascinated by the movement within the bump, asking questions about it and asking if all babies did that. Merula loved having this connection with her daughter. Ari was so relaxed with her, feeling so comfortable she could curl up against her and freely ask questions. It reminded Merula of the early point in her relationship with her own mother. this was before Ariadne Snyde gained more duties under the Dark Lord, and before her father, Darius Snyde, increased his punishments tenfold. Merula made a silent promise to herself that she would never let anything get in the way of having a positive relationship with her children. She Would not let Ari and the new baby have the same experiences as she did.

 Thomas found himself very busy during that month. His job was demanding, working in the ministry in the curse breaking department, which was stressful in it’s own right, but he was very happy he had quit his Auror job just before Ari was born. Curse breaking came a lot more naturally to Thomas, but still, it came with its challenges. This, mixed with doing all the housework and looking after Ari and his ever growing pregnant wife, playing with his daughter, and attempting to satisfy Merula’s constant and strange cravings at random times throughout the day. He had never realised how amazing it was that Ari, Ash, and Aspen all went to the same school/day-care. Rowan and Penny would pick of Ari when Thomas was running late.

Merula hated those days the most. it only took six days for her to become incredibly fed up with her situation. she got to the point where she had Thomas bring up the giant box of photos they had, as well as the several empty albums they were meaning to sort, and spent as much time as they could making them. it only took two days to complete. She struggle to amuse herself, occasionally attempting to move rooms, sometimes going to organise the bookshelf in their study, or organise something in the baby’s room, only to spend 20 minutes to waddling over to the room, and another 10 minutes to catch her breath. She was not even six months pregnant, and she was already struggling. She groaned thinking of what the next few months will be like. Merula tended to hide when she had wandered to another room form Thomas, as she could not be bothered getting a stern look or a lecture from her husband. She thought she was being smart about this little scheme of hers, but Merula had a case of pregnancy brain, so would over explain how bored she was during the day when she actually did something. That, along with the fact that she complained about her feet hurting more on those days, Thomas could easily tell. But he never mentioned it. He knew Merula was fed up, and remembered the doctor saying it was ok to move around a bit, as long as she stayed sensible, and he certainly didn’t want to upset her, so he just rolled with it.

 At the end of the month’s bedrest, Thomas and Merula went to the doctors again, after dropping off Ari at the Khanna residence.

Good news: Merula was released from bed rest! Her blood pressure had dropped back down to a healthy level, so she could actually leave the house now.

Bad news: She was advised against going back to work, as cursed objects tend to be pretty dangerous.

“At least you can go out and get things for the baby now.” Thomas offered a suggestion while they left the hospital. “And you can pick up Ari from school, hang out with her.”

“I like the second one the most.” Merula chuckled, looking at the floor as she walked to the car. “It’ll be nice to play with her properly again. You know I don’t light shopping.”

“Then we’ll do that as a family!” Thomas declared, smiling wide, excited at the prospect of shopping for his infant. Thomas may not like shopping for himself, but he adores baby clothes, and loves spoiling his loved ones, so shopping trips have always been his preferred bonding trips. Merula loved this about him, but got extremely embarrassed whenever he tried to spoil her, and got a bit annoyed when he did it for Ari. She did not want her daughter being spoiled, but it was pretty difficult stopping him from spoiling his little girl.

The family went out to Diagon Alley to shop for everything they could get there, and went into muggle London to collect more things. They went into Hamley’s, a giant muggle toy store, where they bought two cuddly toys; a brown wolf for Ari, who fell in love as soon as she saw it, naming it ‘Hoot’ (she could not explain why, neither parent questioned further), and they found a griffin toy that reminded Merula of the one she had as a child, so they instantly bought it for their unborn child.

After that long day, Ari had passed out clutching Hoot in her car seat. Thomas carried her upstairs to her bedroom, and tucked her in, admiring the adorableness that was his daughter. she was so perfect.

Growing up, Thomas never thought he would get to have a family. His parents were extremely controlling, taking every little decision he made, and picking it apart until he was forced to change his mind and conform to their standards. The only time Thomas got freedom to make his own decisions completely on his own was when he was in Hogwarts. That is where he decided who he would spend his life with. The daughter of two Death Eaters, a Slytherin. Everything Phineas and Nora Donner hated. Thomas’ father believed he had tainted the Donner name by mixing with a Snyde, but that only made Thomas want to make a family with her stronger. Spite had always been a strong incentive for him. So, when he finally got his daughter, his heart swelled with so much adoration, he could barely take it. He decided to spoil his daughter and give her the ability to choose as soon as possible.

Thomas thought he could never be happier when Ari was born. Now, he knew that was untrue. The only thing that could trump that feeling is adding his new child.

Once Thomas was sure Ari was settled in bed, he made his way downstairs to his wife, who had settled herself on the sofa and was stretched out, elevating her sore, swollen feet on a pillow. She looked up at the sound of Thomas walking down the stairs.

“Ari all settled?” She asked, sounding sleepy.

“Yeah, she is.” Thomas rounded the corner and lifted Merula’s legs and sat on the sofa, dropping her legs on her lap, beginning to massage her swollen feet. Merula was extremely pleased with this action. “You feeling ok?”

“Yeah, just tired. And a little hungry.” She said awkwardly, still hating asking for favours.

“What do you crave, my darling?” Thomas smirked, always ready to flirt. Merula blushed. She thought for a minute, trying to decide what exactly she really wanted. She juggled between foods, and finally thought of something that sounded just so good, but was rather strange.

“Would it be weird if I asked for just, a head of lettuce, and a jar of peanut butter?” Merula blushed and looked up at Thomas, embarrassed. He smirked at her and laughed, finding her embarrassment about her cravings amusing.

“That certainly is strange,” he laughed, removing her legs from his lap, and stood. “But like hell am I going to let my darling, pregnant wife suffer by denying her cravings!”

Merula laughed as Thomas bowed to her, dramatically. he found the jar of peanut butter, but they were out of lettuce, so he ran out to the shops to get her a head. By the time he arrived home, Merula was halfway through the jar, and half asleep. He woke her up, and she grunted at him, mildly annoyed, but got excited once again once she noticed the leafy food. She happily munched on her snack, and Thomas chuckled at her as he read the day’s newspaper.

It was times like this where the two adult Slytherins truly enjoyed each other. They could be doing the weirdest stuff, and the other wouldn’t say a word. they knew each other, and were comfortable with each other.

 Months had gone by, and suddenly, Merula was 37 weeks pregnant, and feeling familiar pains on her abdomen. Luckily, it was a Saturday, so Thomas was right there with her the whole time. However, he had no idea she was contracting for a long time.

The two parents had spent their day outside with their daughter, as it was a surprisingly pleasant October day. She sat on the porch and watched her daughter and husband play on the grass, rolling around and playing pretend, Ari having found a stick, and claimed it was a wand, so Thomas picked another stick up and said he had one too (he didn’t want to use his real one, just in case). they were running around, shooting fake spells at each other and laughing, as Thomas pantomimed falling, pretending Ari had defeated him in their duel. Merula found this perfect, and loved the sight, but it was ruined slightly by the contractions.

Thomas and Ari played until 1PM, when they decided they were hungry, and dashed up to the porched and into the kitchen, Ari first, who sat on her chair, bouncing in her seat, followed by Thomas and Merula, who lagged behind due to Merula’s need to be helped up to a standing position, and her inability to walk quickly. Everything was fine until Merula reached the kitchen table, and a contraction decided to hit quicker, and so much stronger, than the last one. she was progressing quickly.

Merula keeled over in pain at the contraction, one hand clutching the base of her large, protruding bump, and the other one keeping her from falling by putting her weight on that arm. Thomas immediately dashed to her side and placed one hand on her lower back, and the other holding her up by her arm.

“Merula!” he cried, immediately terrified. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

it took a moment for Merula to answer. Once she had recovered and was able to breathe a full breath properly, she answered, “I’m fine. Just in labour, is all.”

Thomas was silent. Ari was confused, looking between her mum and dad, scared of what she had just witnessed happen to her mum. Ari, being so young, did not realise what labour meant. All she saw was her mum in pain, and the panicked look on her normally level headed and happy dad’s face.

“I’m sorry… WHAT?” Thomas gasped. “B-but! The due date isn’t for another three weeks!!”

“I am fully aware of that, Thomas, but I know what contractions feel like.” She deadpanned.

“How long has this been happening?”

“Since about 6 O’clock this morning.”

“Merlin’s beard Merula!” Thomas panicked for a minute, then remembered what he should be doing. “Sit! Sit! Try to relax!”

Thomas boiled some water in the kettle and filled a hot water bottle with it, remembering Merula’s reaction to labour. Her back would ache terribly, so giving her something warm would be perfect for now. whilst he was doing this, Merula was explaining what was happening to a panicking Ari, scooching her chair closer to her daughter and holding her close, assuring her that ‘mummy is alright’ and the baby is just ready to arrive.

Merula reminded Thomas to make food for them, and he did, making a simple sandwich with some fruit and crisps for Ari. they slowly ate, Merula having to stop every so often to contract. After half an hour of eating, they found it time to leave for the hospital, so Thomas called Penny.

The Khanna family arrived at the Donner house hold to look after Ari, and assuring the Donner parents that Ari will be fine, and she, Ash, and Aspen will play together. Penny gushed over Merula for a minute, also having to help her breath through a contraction, whilst Thomas and Rowan discussed what was happening and what to do when the baby arrives.

The two finally left and headed towards the hospital. They were finally going to meet their baby, and find out if they were having another daughter, or a son.

 6 hours of delivery later, they had their child.

“It’s a boy!” The doctor declared. Thomas smiled wide and peered to look at his child. his son. He was as beautiful as a new-born could look. So, basically like a bloody potato, but still amazingly beautiful. He looked at Merula and squeezed her hand. She looked exhausted, sweating and panting, leaning back on the bed, but a huge grin was spread across her face.

“Meru, we have a son!” Thomas said, tears forming in his eyes. Merula didn’t respond, but she gave his hand a little squeeze and leant her head on his arm. That only lasted a second though, because the nurse was done cleaning him up, and handed the boy to Merula, who immediately reached out with desperate hands. Her maternal instincts were strong, and she did not want any other person holding her baby. He was hers, so back off!

Everything was perfect. Their son was a little underweight, due to him being early, but the doctor assured them that if they just fed him enough, that would not be a problem. They wheeled Merula off the recovery, so she could finally rest, and they took her son to the nursery. Thomas went with Merula initially, but left to see his son just a few minutes later, as Merula had fallen asleep, and he hadn’t gotten to hold his son yet.

The experience was truly magical. Trust Thomas in that, he lived with magic every day. he held his son, a tiny clump of flesh, is tiny clump of flesh. He could really take in his son’s features now. Brown hair, closer in colour to his own. his eyes were purple, like Merula’s. Except the infant’s eyes were lighter. more lilac than violet. they suited him perfectly. The boy yawned and fell asleep in his father’s arms, which caused Thomas to shed tears of joy. Thomas gave his son back to the nurse and left to call Rowan.

 Merula was awake again, and holding her son, attempting to get him to latch on to feed. He was struggling to latch on, but the nurse assured them that that was normal and not to be worried about. After several attempts, he finally started feeding, and they sat, happy. Except something was missing.

Penny messaged Thomas saying she had arrived with Ari, and they were making their way up to see them. Merula briefly looked up at Thomas to smile excitedly at the prospect of her daughter meeting her brother. Thomas marched off to meet Penny and Ari, so he could talk to them and explain everything. Penny was excited to meet the lad, but decided to wait for a few minutes to let the siblings meet. She knew from experience that I can be tough to introduce someone new.

Thomas picked her daughter up and carried her into the room where Merula was with their son. The infant had finished feeding and was laying asleep in his mother’s arms. Merula was staring at her son, love filling her eyes. That look only grew when she noticed her daughter wriggle out of her father’s grip and run towards the hospital bed. Thomas had to help her up, telling her to be gentle, and to stay sitting on the edge of the bed, avoiding hurting the baby. Ari did as she was told, and stared at her new brother in awe.

“Ari Maria Donner,” Merula said softly. “Meet your brother. Jacob Christopher Donner.”

[croissantbae]

November 16, 2020

Naya 

Baby #2 is officially due in 3 months (which I guess means I’m in my third trimester now).  

My little lady (Naya) has been changing a lot lately.  She’s gone from being a wild, rambunctious, unruly social butterfly to a frightened giggly toddler.  I don’t know if it’s because she had a few bad interactions with other babies or if it’s just an internal change within her but the difference is stark.  Ellie (Eddie/Sally’s baby) kind of bit Naya’s face (though it could have just been Ellie knocked her head too hard on Naya’s and her teeth hit her) but there were teeth marks on Naya’s cheek haha.  And then during Naya’s first nanny-share day with Wes, Wes may have gotten jealous that the nanny was holding Naya so he pushed her a few times.  Eventually Naya started crying any time he came near her.  And then today they were over by one side of the coffee table and when Naya realized Ellie was right next to her she reached out to me with so much fear on her face and then climbed up onto the coffee table and cried out for me.  When I took her she held onto me and cried so sadly haha.  It’s so fascinating to watch.  Like what happened??? I’m guessing she’ll get over this phase too but it’s just all interesting to observe.  

I also feel like her bad behavior has toned down a little bit too. She used to hit Jason’s face or like be too aggressive but I think she knows now not to do that. She’s definitely less naughty.  

She seriously brings me so much joy and happiness. We were in bed and Jason was playing around w/ her and she was giggling so happily and it made me feel like this is truly the best feeling ever. Just knowing she’s happy makes me so happy. She’s the best thing ever.  I am worried for how she’s going to react when baby #2 gets here though.  She got a little upset when I held Ellie today lol.  

Work

Work has been oppressively busy.  I am starting to feel a little sick (had a headache today) and it really makes me want to give up.  Lol.  There were a few times today where I really thought about just quitting (not seriously but just a flash moment of why not?!).  This too shall pass though.  A lot of my deals will close in December.  Then in January I’ll try not to take on as many deals and February I go on mat leave!  

Jason

Jason and I got into a fight this weekend. It started over a small comment and then of course snowballed into a huge fight (it was bound to happen.  Jason has been taking on 100% of all household chores, Naya watching duties, etc. and I’ve been just grinding away at work like a zombie).  It was so draining and I hope we never fight again, for both our sakes lol.  It’s funny because it happened right when I was thinking wow we haven’t fought in so long I don’t even know what it’s like to fight anymore lol.  Of course.  Jinxed it.  Naya was watching us fighting and I could tell she was trying to appease both of us.  She would like bring Jason her dolls while we were fighting.  She got her toys and dumped them in front of us and started playing on her own. She came and hugged me.  So sad and cute. But thankfully we resolved it pretty quickly.  When I think back on it, I really don’t think we were saying anything new to each other. It was more just like a release of frustration at the situation.  It kind of renewed my not wanting to take mat leave at the firm because I really don’t want to feel obligated to come back.  My family life will suffer if I keep working at a big law firm.  I can’t do it to Jason, Naya and #2.  Oh but the juggling of money/responsibilities vs being a good family citizen will always weigh on me.

My mom

My mom got sick. She thinks she has pancreatitis.  She needs to go to the doctor. She’s been getting sick more lately.  I really wonder if she just spent too much of herself trying to take care of Naya and just do too much generally.  She’s like the giving tree. She gives and gives and gives (even when people don’t ask for it). What if she’s cutting herself down into a stump.

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on… 2019 releases (Part I)

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week.

After dealing with a lot of work and stress (to the point I ended up being sick in bed for a few weeks and now after a few months I still haven’t fully recovered), I’m finally back!

I’ve been playing Choices for over two and a half years now, and I honestly can’t remember a busier year than 2019. We’ve had the chance to read over 30 books! So I wanted to take some time to give my personal opinion on these releases. As there are so many books to talk about, this will be a three-part post and I will also include current releases and books that were released during 2018 but were finished in 2019. The list is organized in alphabetical order and it doesn’t include the VIP Books (as I don’t have access to the feature) or the seasonal books (as I’ll talk about them in another post, after all of them have been fully released).

A Courtesan of Rome (November 14, 2018 - June 12, 2019): I have a feeling that ACOR was one book before the hiatus and a completely different book after the hiatus. At first I found the story interesting, but it wasn’t like I was waiting every week for a new chapter to be released (honestly, those “8 years ago in Gaoul” scenes killed my mood so, so badly during half of the book!). However, after the hiatus, things seemed to move faster and that caught my attention. Overall, I really liked this book and I enjoyed reading it. I have a soft spot for these MCs that are super smart, so I loved to see our badass girl using her beauty and her brain to reach her goals. The LIs were awesome, too. I don’t think it was one of those “They’re all so good, I don’t know which one to choose” situations, but it was nice to see how every LI represented a different point of view of the conflict, so kudos to the writers for it. Of course, after the final chapter it was pretty clear that we won’t be having a second book, but I’m not that sure if it was actually planned to be a series. Sad.

Across the Void (August 20, 2018 - May 13, 2019): This book has probably one of the best graphics in Choices… but it also has probably one of the worst plots and some of the most hated characters in the app. We got this nice MC whose only mission was to be the captain of a luxury spaceship in the middle of a civil war. Of course, we got caught in the middle of it. And what does our MC do? He/She throws parties so the passengers and the crew can relax! We also had these annoying siblings who didn’t even think about making our job easier, a male LI that we shared with our brother, a male LI that hid very important information from us (and we got to know about it at the end of the book), and a male LI that we barely saw in the book. Thank God for the female LIs in this book! On top of that, we had to choose if we supported the Jura or the Vanguard without even knowing what their role in this conflict was. Thankfully, the hiatus helped to improve things a little and the final chapters were way better than the first ones where nobody seemed to have clear what was going on with this war. Of course, the fact that we had a choice to kill our MC at the very end of the book means that there is no chance to have a second book, but I wouldn’t mind revisiting this era with a better story in the future.  

America's Most Eligible: All Stars (January 16, 2019 - May 1, 2019): Have you noticed how reality shows that are pretty successful in the first season tend to become lame, boring and repetitive in subsequent seasons? That’s exactly what happened to me with AME. I enjoyed the first book, even though I don’t think it has super memorable characters and there is nothing like “wow” in the plot, following the story was easy and (don’t deny it, because you know it’s true) it definitely made our competitive side to blossom. But in Book 2, things became repetitive and boring. Sure, we got some new characters, such as Vince and Slater. Sure, it was nice to see Mack, Jen and some other familiar faces once again. But Carson continued being Carson, Ivy continued being Ivy, and Bianca was denied as a LI (again). So, overall, we got nothing new or refreshing in this book… and we ended it with a proposal? After dating out LI for like 2 months? We just didn’t need another wedding book.

America's Most Eligible: Wedding Edition (September 18, 2019 - Present): I seriously think the only reason why AME got a third book is because of us, the fans. The whole series has been about competitions and winning… and of course, we have to spend A LOT of diamonds to win. So I assume the first two books were very, very profitable for PB because of course, we all want to win. However, as we’ve learned this year, having a wedding book may actually end up “killing a series”, and AME is not the exception. From the moment that the writers turned our wedding special into a competition, I knew things were going to be weird. In my very personal case, having Slater in my party made no sense at all, because my MC has never trusted him, so they’ve never had a good relationship. Then, having to compete against Vince and Ivy, our biggest enemies in the competition is so… basic. I’m kind of tired of the dynamic with them… it’s been two books already. And then we have all these super weird storyline with Jen. I mean… how is it possible that she is the showrunner, but at the same time she is a contestant… or even our fiancée!?!? The only thing I may rescue so far is that finally all Bianca and Slater lovers got a chance to express their feelings (and I’m so waiting for drama if you reciprocate them!). But that’s all.

Baby Bump (December 9, 2019 - Present): I know this book is on the list of the “most hated books in 2019”, but for some reason I can’t explain, I still haven’t found anything that truly disgusts me about it (maybe I’m lowering my standards?). I know and I understand that some people feel uncomfortable because we didn’t have a chance to choose our baby’s dad, or because our baby’s dad acted like a total freak by proposing in the second chapter, but I have a feeling that things will improve, especially because our own MC seems to be a grounded person overall. Probably my main complaint goes to how some stuff seems to be repetitive from other books (besides those Big Sky Country vibes all over the place). I mean… why is the evil girl always a bitch? Why do we always have to choose between an insanely rich LI and another LI who’s not so wealthy? When did the MC, both LIs and Luisa become “a gang”? I know there are too many things that seem out of place now, but I have faith. It won’t become a masterpiece, but it won’t be a complete disaster either.

Bachelorette Party (July 18, 2019 - October 17, 2019): Humor, fun, romance, but above all, friendship. I really liked this book at the very beginning because it was a light story, but at some point I felt the writers ran out of ideas right in the middle of the story and started dragging things. They tried to add a more serious touch with the case plot (I even thought we would be having some plot twist as we did in the Perfect Match series), but I think they failed. I kept waiting forever to see a connection between the case and some characters such as Reed or Skip, as everyone seemed to be connected with it in some form, but that never happened. Also, we had Aisha, a trans character who most of us loved at first, but who became annoying after blaming everyone but her for losing the case and not telling the truth behind it (even when she knew we could have been killed she didn’t say the truth… come on, girl!). Finally, I missed our MC having her own self-healing plot after breaking up with her boyfriend/girlfriend… there were only mentions and a few questions about how we were feeling, but that was all. I would have loved to see our friends doing some things for us. At the end, I got a bittersweet feeling about it. I enjoyed the story overall, but there were so many things that could have been explored within the plot, that I’m not fully satisfied with the story.

Big Sky Country, Book 2 (July 27, 2019 - November 9, 2019): I never, ever in a million years would have thought that Big Sky Country would have a second book. Even though I love all these beautiful characters in the story, I thought the plot was pretty lame and boring overall. I can perfectly remember how criticized it was. So I was prepared to read the second book just because I had already finished the first one. But I’m soooo glad that PB proved me wrong here. Not only we had a second book that was much better than the first one, but we also got a story where the writers did a fantastic job trying to balance the screen time of all the LIs and they succeeded when trying to blend all the different plots in one single story. In my opinion, the weakest point of this book was actually the final chapter… Asha won, Clint died, and we became official and got engaged to our LI in like 10 minutes… it just felt too rushed for me.

Bloodbound, Book 2 (May 17, 2019 - August 30, 2019): Even though it’s not one of my personal favorites (and probably that’s why I don’t understand all the hype for it), if I had to choose between the first two books, the second one is the one I like the most. I feel a lot of things improved when compared to BB Book 1, but my special mention goes to Lily… she annoyed me so much in the first book, for some stupid reason I can’t explain, I barely could stand reading her lines… but she definitely grew (A LOT!) in the second book. Also, we were introduced to some new characters, such as Serafine or Nikhil (I’m pretty sure that there’s more about him that we don’t know yet). Sure we had some fantastic moments, such as the crossover with Nightbound (I hope to see more of it in Book 3) or discovering who was behind the Order. But there’s no doubt that my favorite part of this book was when the gang went to the Order headquarters and discovered that the only one who could access was the MC… realizing that the real power of our MC (at that point) was simply to be human, and not a vampire, blew my mind. That’s why I wasn’t rooting for her to become a vampire.

Bloodbound, Book 3 (November 9, 2019 - Present): One of the biggest complaints made by Choices players is that the writers seem to have problems trying to make a series attractive over time. We see unnecessary content that doesn’t add up to the plot, and a tendency to drag things in general. By the third book, people seem to be struggling with the series more than enjoying them. Well, this is not the case of Bloodbound. The series not only had its biggest plot twist by turning our MC into a vampire, but also we may notice the writers have not stopped to impress us. Of course, this book is the darkest one in the series, and after 6 chapters I still have so many questions… should we trust Rheya? Is she good or bad? What’s the real power of our MC given the fact that she’s also the bloodkeeper? Will our MC end up being the villain of the story? So far, I’m pretty happy with this book. If things will continue to be like this, I would LOVE to have a fourth book (especially if it’s said that this is the last book in the series).

Desire & Decorum, Book 2 (December 17, 2018 - April 8, 2019): Even though in my opinion this is the weakest book in the series, one of the things I value the most about it is how the writers managed to create this powerful MC in an era where women actually didn’t have much power and they were basically expected to get marry and obey their husbands. Of course, the whole plot where we were forced to marry Duke Richards was the main focus of the story, but seeing our girl standing up by herself, being helped by her friends and her true love, and saving the queen (and England) was an absolute pleasure. However, it wasn’t enough to fully convince me. The duel between Duke Richards and our LI, Duke Richards becoming Mr. Richards and getting arrested, and Briar’s happy ending are probably the best moments of the book, but even though I enjoyed it, it’s far from being one of my favorites.