#set this up there with things like 'gaslighting' being taken entirely out of context

[orcelito]

Hmmm

The increase in public comfort of telling people (even random strangers) to kill themselves as a "joke" is pretty disconcerting, actually.

[whump-or-whatever]

(CW: Abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, etc. mention in whump prompt. Ableist Whumper who uses Whumpee's personality disorder against them) Prefacing that I was prof diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder), but like a whumpee whose caretaker is their Favourite Person (a specific BPD term only, where the person with BPD (pwBPD) is extremely emotionally attached to the person, basically obsessed with them, and need them for emotional stability. As their mood, identity, and understanding of themselves is based on this person. Their symptoms of intense willingness to avoid real or perceived abandonment, emotional dysregulation, chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom, impulsivity, anger episodes, paranoia, dissociation, etc. flare and are stronger around these people). Anyways, with that info out of the way. The whumpee's whumper abused them, manipulated them, and used the very real knowledge that whumpee had BPD against them. They knew that whumpee was terrified of abandonment and only ever split (a form of black and white thinking, and in the context of BPD is just devaluing and idealizing something/someone/groups based on something either being perceived as good or bad) on them because they "love" the whumper. Whumper tells Whumpee that their hatred for Whumper means nothing, because every time Whumper hurts them it's because they love them. That Whumper does all these things because they love Whumpee. Whumper then dismisses any pain or intense emotions, or deep-seated anger Whumpee has... as it just being their disorder. And they in many ways neglect them as a way to torture them and trigger their fears of abandonment. So that when Whumper gets back to Whumpee, they tell them that they needed a "break" and that torturing them is the only reason why they stay. Whumpee, terrified of being abandoned, even if it's by this evil and cruel person ends up begging and pleading for them to be hurt by Whumper. Whumpee wants Whumper to be obsessed with them, so that they can never be alone ever again. They will do anything for Whumper to stay with them. Afterall, Whumpee their entire life has always felt worthless and like they never mattered. Whumper to their sickened delights, loves using this against Whumpee. Whumper would neglect Whumpee emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. on a regular basis. So when Whumpee leaves the situation and is taken back by their Caretaker and other friends, they are terrified even more than ever to be alone. They cling on to Caretaker and yet also push them away, feeling that Caretaker is already planning on leaving them. Caretaker wants to make Whumpee feel better and help them get therapy, but it's hard to get a non-ableist therapist that isn't expensive. Whumpee ends up more miserable than ever. The war in their head was louder than ever. Whenever Caretaker made a mistake that really hurt Whumpee, Whumpee screamed, yelled, argued, and was terrified... that Caretaker would hurt them like Whumper and their past abusers/bullies/etc. did. Caretaker ends up raising their voice, and that leaves Whumpee crying and sobbing... begging for Caretaker not to leave them. Whumpee apologizes profusely for their behaviour and begs Caretaker to stop hurting them. That they just wanted Caretaker to stop hurting them, because they were trying their best. Caretaker's in too much pain, watching the person they care about be in this much pain. Caretaker apologizes for raising their voice and they set up boundaries. But Caretaker swears that they'll never forgive the people who hurt Whumpee. And that they will make sure to stay with Whumpee as much as possible, while helping Whumpee branch out and connect more with others. Whumpee loves Caretaker and Caretaker loves Whumpee, but sometimes... Whumpee can't shake the feeling that Caretaker is always lying to them, pities them, and is going to abandon them one day. The pain never truly stops, not even with someone who is supposed to be safe.

Oh my dear lord. Anon this is basically the entire outline for a story already!

I love the idea of whumper using whumpee’s mental illness against them. I have actually been thinking about that recently (I have somatic OCD about my breathing and it’s legit like torture sometimes). I think any truly manipulative whumper would take advantage of any mental health issues they knew whumpee had.

The whole idea of whumpee begging to be hurt because they don’t want to feel abandoned is actually one of my favourite tropes! It always reminds me of that one episode of Lucifer where Lucifer is talking about the guy in hell who likes to call the shots. He forgot to torture the guy one day and the guy begged Lucifer never to forget him again.

Anyway, I also vibe with whumpee worrying that caretaker really just pities them and will leave one day (I worry about stuff like that too tbh). It really becomes a big dilemma when whumpee can never feel safe, not because of their surroundings or the people they’re with, but just because their own mind traps them in a cycle of worry and distrust.

In conclusion, this is amazing, thanks for sending it in!

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #3

My last two Adventures in Aphobia both took on similar flavors of eye-rolling at shameless, obvious bigotry to anyone willing to look or care. But today, I found a different type of aphobia, and I’m actually eager to talk about this one. Have a read of this first.

Look, the bar of respect for ace people is so low it’s all the way in hell, but I mean, to many people, especially allosexual people, they may look at this post and think, “No, this isn’t aphobia. The poster wasn’t blatantly cruel.” But what some fail to realize is that politeness can be the thinnest of veils over the ugliest of takes. Polite bigotry gaslights the victims into thinking they can’t be upset about this.

So what’s the deal with this post?

PARAGRAPH #1 starts off innocently enough, saying ace discourse wouldn’t exist if people recognized complex relationships to sex and relationships. Even taken on its own, I do not agree with this. Ace discourse ranges all the way from outright denial of asexual existence to the strong hatred for and exclusion of aces from the queer community. Nearly everyone recognizes people have complex relationships to sex...that...that doesn’t mean ace people won’t be discriminated against. In fact, it’s an argument aphobes use constantly to try and gaslight ace people into erasing themselves. Ace discourse comes from a lot of places, but at the end of the day, it all stems from people’s refusal to acknowledge ace people and their unique experiences. This poster absolutely does not get to say “IT’s CoMpLicAteD”, and expect ace people to just disappear. Honestly, it’d be better and more honest if they said “Lol, ace people should go fuck themselves and hop to the back of the line with everyone else.”

PARAGRAPH #2 and #3 are not very objectionable on their own. Everything said is true. Society has very complicated views on sex, and life happens to all people. The ugly part of this is that the poster is setting up an argument here in which they will hand wave ace people into the “everyone else” crowd and pretend as if we’re all just too similar and no labels should even exist.

This is literally what enby-phobes do. They say “Well, gender is COMPLICATED”, which is true, but then they say “So like...aren’t we all really nonbinary when we think about it? Why should enby people label themselves?” I swear we’ve all seen this. The poster is agender. This argument could easily be whipped in their face. Different forms of bigotry can share very clear overlaps, and it’s very important to acknowledge where these arguments come from and why they exist. It exists as a way to shut people up. It happens to bi people too! Every day, people come out as bi and someone tells them “pff, everyone thinks girls are hot. I had a crush on my best friend once, that doesn’t mean I’m not straight! All people are like this!” Let’s call out this erasure where we see it. It’s not the same thing, and if anyone saying stuff like this truly believes what they’re saying, maybe they’re the ones who need to reevaluate their own identity.

PARAGRAPH #4 dips its ugly toes straight into blatant aphobia, having the gall to call ace and aro people “obsessed” with pretending their relationships with sex and romance are wholly unique and different. Nah, fuck right off with that bullshit. The poster even goes on to say ace people have created entire new social classes. Uh...WHAT? Is there some secret ace society with a caste system living in the shadows?? What is this person talking about?? I suppose you can’t be a true bigot unless you have some vague grievance to weakly hand-gesture at that you couldn’t prove given 20 years to do so. For the love of my sanity, just say you hate ace people! It’s okay! (I mean, not actually, but Jesus Christ does it save us all some time). They also say things like “somehow excluded from”. Replace asexual people with nonbinary people and take a joyride through this section, because the arguments are scarily similar. What would it take for this poster to acknowledge ace and aro people have their own experiences? Seriously, what? What holds you back from doing this?

It’s also funny to note the actual lack of substance to this argument. The poster is not giving any specific examples or even bringing up what being ace and aro mean. Yes, there is a pretty noticeable difference between feeling sexual attraction and not feeling sexual attraction. How many “allo” people do you know that say they’ve NEVER experienced this? Come on. The poster reduces asexuality and aromanticism down to allo people’s, in their own words, hyper-specific contexts where they don’t want sex or love. At least the poster admits any circumstance that allo people are comparable to ace people are extremely specific. But for real, are we hinging a whole argument on a few very specific examples of allo people having some similarity to ace people?

“Nothing about your relationship to sex or love makes you more or less LGBT. If you are gay and don’t want to have sex, ever, you are still gay. “

Mini strawman alert for the idea any ace person thinks you’re less gay if you’re also ace. And bonus points for an aphobe who refuses to use the definition of asexuality: not experiencing sexual attraction, and instead goes for “don’t want to have sex”. For the last. Fucking. Time. Not wanting to have sex and being asexual are NOT the same. Don’t make me pour gasoline in my eyes every time I see this.

After this, the poster goes on a tangent, which by the tone, seems to think it's very inspiring, and says no matter how you want to have sex (including only certain days of the week), you’re still straight! It’s so fucking condescending and gross to talk ace people out of their own identity like this.

“EVERY person who is heterosexual is different in how they perform or experience.”

Oh. My. GOD. THEY DIDN’T EVEN SAY STRAIGHT. THEY SAID HETEROSEXUAL. WUGGYUEGYUG. God help me. Can one be both bisexual and heterosexual? No…? Okay. So then. How is one both asexual AND heterosexual? What single brain cell in this poster’s head was responsible for this Chad of a sentence? I—

*deep breath* 

So. It’s interesting how the poster says “perform or experience it”. Asexuality is an identity. It is not a performance, and it is not defined by your actions. A straight person not having sex does not become asexual. And sure...people with the same label can experience their sexuality differently, but...to a point, guys. You can’t experience your sexuality out of the DEFINITION of the label. Heterosexual: Sexual attraction to the opposite gender. Asexual: Sexual attraction to no one. If a “heterosexual” isn’t sexually attracted to anyone, they are by definition, not heterosexual. It takes insane mental gymnastics to make this argument, so A for flexibility, I guess? 

“Gayness, straightness, and bisexuality are not defined by HOW you do or don’t want sex or HOW you do or don’t want to date, it’s just defined by WHO you want to be with.”

The first part of the sentence is correct, but it also defeats this person’s entire argument. Ace people AGREE with this. Being asexual is not the act of not having sex!! It’s not experiencing sexual attraction! You can google this! The second part of the sentence is mostly correct, depending on your interpretation. The issue is in part with the words the poster used: gayness, straightness and bisexuality. These words are not all equivalents. Gay could refer to sexual and or romantic orientation. Thus an ace gay person. Straightness is not actually an equal word to gayness. This is because straight is an exclusive term for a normative sexuality (in society’s eyes) in terms of sexual and romantic attraction. Some ace people DO call themselves straight, though it’s inaccurate. Ace people can be heteroromantic, but because being straight is so exclusive, you need to be both sexually AND romantically attracted to only the opposite gender.

The post basically ends telling ace people they’re all actually straight and were just confused the whole time. Lovely. And an erasure of gay aces too! Believe it or not, gay ace people do not like having their ace identities erased. Who’d have guessed?

Honestly, if anything this post is just kind of sad. A sad reflection of what people believe and how they truly do not see their own bigotry. They believe they’re freeing ace people from an incorrect label. They’re the heroes.

They’ll say “it’s okay, you’re not asexual” as if they've like...lifted a burden off of ace people. Like, “Oh, you think I’m not asexual? Cool, cool. Glad you cleared that up for me!” It’s sad how aphobes think, some very genuinely, that asexuality is just some high school party that went off the rails, and we’re all just coming out of the drunken haze, ready to go home. Ready to all laugh about it later, tease one another about how wild and silly it all was. 

Having your identity erased like this is fucking horrible, and I hope people like this can take a look in the mirror and see themselves clearly. All ace and aro people have a right to their identity, whether gay, bi, heteroromantic or anything else. End of story.

[nblenasabrewing]

Does Lena have PTSD?

This excellent post from @drummergirl231-2 goes into a detailed analysis about Della and the examples showing possible PTSD. I, being who I am, wanted to look at the same for Lena. Full credit goes to them for the idea and format!

According to the DSM-5, in order for a person to be diagnosed with PTSD, they must have a certain number of symptoms from eight categories: Criteria A through H.

For a diagnosis of PTSD, someone needs: to meet Criterion A to have at least 1 symptom from Criterion B to have at least 1 symptom from Criterion C to have at least 2 symptoms from Criterion D to have at least 2 Symptoms from Criterion E to meet Criteria F, G, and H

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional. I do NOT have a degree in anything related to psychology and simply enjoy dissecting the layers of a fictional character. If you feel you fit any of the criteria, please see a professional for a real diagnosis. This isn’t something that can be easily self-diagnosed, and a professional diagnosis would open you to more opportunities for help.

Lena does and doesn’t fit the criteria in general for PTSD. She’s certainly suffered from traumatic events, but the event is more... her entire life. She’s a classic child abuse victim, which makes her more of a candidate for C-PTSD. 

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder that can develop in response to prolonged, repeated experience of interpersonal trauma in a context in which the individual has little or no chance of escape. Being stuck with Magica for fifteen years absolutely contributes to Lena’s current issues. C-PTSD and PTSD share similarities, there are a distinct differences - mainly that PTSD focuses on one event and the effect it has on a person long term, while C-PTSD focuses on years of repeated trauma. However, there’s no approved criterion yet for C-PTSD. So I’m using the PTSD criterion with some added explanation where C-PTSD would be applicable. 

Criterion A: The traumatic event

A person must be exposed to one or more events involving threatened or actual death, threatened or actual serious injury, or threatened or actual sexual violation in one of the following ways:

Direct involvement

Witnessing the event happen to someone else

Hearing about it happen to a loved one

Repeatedly hearing details about traumatic events, such as police officers repeatedly hearing stories of abuse

The obvious example here: Lena effectively died. Twice. Following that, she was trapped in a realm where she couldn’t be seen or heard by anyone and she couldn’t touch anything for six months (give or take). Her first interaction with anything since she had been trapped there was smacking the Boggle case in Friendship Hates Magic! And even she’s surprised by that.

In addition, she spent fifteen years with Magica in her shadow, who effectively acted as an abusive parental figure. She’s proven to be an expert in gaslighting, and knows exactly how to manipulate Lena - by hanging the promise of freedom over her head and reminding her repeatedly that people will think she’s a monster if they find out the truth about her.

Criterion B: Intrusive Symptoms

Expected or unexpected reoccurring, involuntary, and intrusive upsetting memories

Repeated nightmares related to the traumatic event

Some form of dissociation, such as flashbacks, where the individual truly feels the traumatic event is happening again

Strong emotional distress when exposed to internal or external triggers associated with the traumatic event

Strong bodily reactions (such as rapid heart rate) when exposed to reminders of the traumatic event.

Nightmares: While we can’t say for absolute sure that Lena has nightmares outside of Magica’s influence via the helmet in NOKH, the fact that no one is surprised by her nightmares does seem to imply that’s she probably had more than she’s letting on. Lena’s biggest fear is turning into Magica, after all - it’s no surprise she would have dreams along that line.

Emotional distress, strong bodily reactions: These really come out in Violet’s library, when Lena gets overwhelmed and tries to hide. The fish-eye view of everyone trying to talk to her while she sees Magica over their shoulders was most likely meant to imply she was having at least the start of a panic attack.

In addition, her reaction to Webby calling her (looking like Magica) a monster was pretty extreme. Again, the dream world setting makes things a bit wobbly, but given everything we know about Lena up to this point, and the fact that she yelled at Magica for saying they’re both monsters, it feels safe to assume she’d be angry and upset and scared if anyone ever called her a monster (again, something Magica constantly used against her.)

Criterion C: Avoidance

An individual with PTSD will frequently avoid reminders of the traumatic event in one of the following ways:

Avoiding thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations that trigger memories of the traumatic event

Avoiding people, places, conversations, activities, objects, or situations that bring up memories of the traumatic event

Whether the nightmares were caused by Magica or not, their effect on Lena is real and pretty easy to see. She sets up an entire sleepover just so the kids can help keep her awake. Avoiding sleep to avoid nightmares is pretty extreme.

She also continues to keep secrets from everyone despite Webby’s constant reassurances that they all care about her and don’t think she’s anything like Magica, because the alternative is having to talk about it or worse, have her fears confirmed.

Criterion D: Negative changes in thoughts and mood

The inability to remember important details of the traumatic event

Persistent and elevated negative thoughts about oneself, others, or the world

Exaggerated self-blame or blame of others for the cause or consequence of the traumatic event

Pervasive negative emotional state (anger, fear, shame, etc.)

Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities

Feeling isolated or detached from others

Difficulty experiencing positive emotions

Lena’s opinion of herself seems to be pretty low. We only get one episode to really see it, but her fear of turning into Magica and active attempts to avoid such an outcome definitely make it seem like she still considers herself “evil”, and is trying to make up for it. She also readily gives in and says, “I am her”, essentially giving up on herself.

The dream adventures also excellently illustrate how Lena feels “Othered” from everyone else - they get butterfly wings, she gets weird monster wings. She falls behind at Dewey High and is separated from the others. She’s the only one in Louie’s dream, aside from Louie himself, to experience any sort of physical change. Even when she tries to be happy with them, she can’t keep up the facade.

And before all of this there’s the classic example of her being jealous of Violet (under the guise of protecting Webby from being tricked again). She immediately assumes the worst of Violet and follows Webby around telling her not to trust Violet.

Criterion E: Alterations in reactivity that started or worsened after the traumatic event

Irritability or aggressive behavior

Impulsive or self-destructive behavior

Hypervigilance (feeling constantly on-guard, or like danger is lurking around every corner)

Heightened startle response

Problems with concentration

Sleep disturbances, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless sleep

Lena’s personality in season one was mostly that of the sarcastic, irritating cool teenager who can’t be bothered. Under that, she was an unwilling slave to Magica, and while she did show irritable tendencies toward her, those can be forgiven as “Magica is terrible and provokes her.”

Season two, on the other hand, shows us a much different teenager - one who snaps easily and seems constantly frustrated by her own perceived shortcomings. Those emotions, of course, come out on the other kids (i.e. snapping at Huey and Violet). And while all of that can be attributed to her inability to sleep, which is being driven by Magica, Frank’s already said this isn’t the last we’ll see of Lena’s emotoinal growth and negative feelings.

Criterion F: The above symptoms must last for more than one month.

Obviously time is relative in Ducktales. Given everything that was going on around them, we can assume she’s been home for around a month-ish. Donald left for a month-long cruise two episodes before Lena came back, and everything after that has to have taken place within that month or it would have been way too obvious something was up. And again, Frank has said this is going to come up again. But even while she was still in the Shadow Realm, she was showing signs of trauma.

Criterion G: Distress from symptoms significantly impairs the individual’s ability to function in multiple areas of life (social, occupational, etc.).

While we haven’t seen much of Lena’s daily life, we do know a few things - before returning, she was living in Webby’s shadow, presumably following her around and getting comfortable in her shadow-y life. Violet throws a complete monkey wrench into that comfortable life, and Lena reacts... poorly, to say the least. She initially refuses to take responsibility for the tulpas feeding off her own negative feelings, continuing to project all the reasons she hates herself onto Violet (”She’s a spy, she’s a second-rate me,” etc.).

In NoKH we see that the triplets aren’t quite used to the fun, happy persona Lena tries to project, which immediately gets a frustrated yell and fire flaring up. She’s so worried about trying to be Good that her anxiety bubbles over into her life. She’s also constantly keeping secrets, something that is, unfortunately, normal for her, but not normal overall.

Criterion H: The symptoms are not due to substance abuse, medication side-effects, or another condition.

So the real issue comes in here - while there’s no medication or substance abuse, there is an outside force. Most of what we see of Lena’s symptoms are due to increasing sleep deprivation via Magica’s brainwave helmet. By the time NoKH starts she’s already gone at least several days without sleep, and it’s obvious the dreams are deeply affecting to her, to a point where she arranges an entire sleepover with her friends just to keep from going to sleep. There’s no way to know what she was dreaming about (although I have a few theories), but it almost certainly involved Magica, the main cause of her trauma. And we see how understandably upset she gets when she’s finally face to face with Magica.

In conclusion:

Lena is a complicated character with a lot of different factors playing into who she is, but there’s little doubt that after fifteen years of emotional/psychological abuse, two deaths, and six months trapped in what could almost be summarized as an isolation chamber, that Lena has some serious trauma. And while Magica influenced a lot of NOKH, it should also be noted that Magica, as her abuser, most likely acts as her trigger now. She spends the entire dream sequence running away from Magica, terrified to confront her. And while she has an amazing, empowering moment at the end of the episode, I’m sure this is going to come back up again.

(***All GIFs by me)

[herecomesnaya]

Oh here I am, I think I'll take a bottle of: Roman’s abusive tactics have worn down Jason 2020, if you don't mind, thank you very much 🤲

yes indeedy! let’s see what I got here...

so, in the beginning, Jason was a lot different than he is now in terms of attitude. snarkier. more willing to fight back. his internal monologue less doubtful and uncertain of himself. able to spit Roman’s cum into his wine glass and walk away without a second thought. says no out loud more often, implies Roman is the crazy one.

but then, slowly, it changes around. it’s (I hope) subtle at first. Roman’s first tactic to start breaking Jason down isn’t to tear him down, but to build him up. he calls him a good boy. praises him for taking it so well. shows the barest modicum of care at some points, which feels like a hell of a lot to Jason, considering 1) it’s Black Mask and 2) Jason doesn’t ever particularly feel like he’s worthy of praise, so it leaves more of an impact when it happens.

starting in chapter 4, Roman begins to change Jason’s line of thinking from what he wants to what Roman wants. it starts off most evidently during sex, so Jason doesn’t realize what’s happening, just thinks of it in the context of it being a play scene. but the reason Roman broke him down until Jason told him to do whatever he wanted to him is because he was trying to prime Jason to carry that belief with him outside of the bedroom.

by chapter 5, he’s managed to convince Jason slowly over the course of the fic that what Roman wants, though, is actually what Jason wants. Jason may not entirely believe it yet, but Roman consistently reinforces this narrative:

“I-I— I'm sorry, okay?” he says, hoping that'll be the end of it. “I was wrong. You were right. Could you stop being weird now?”

“Oh, but I'm only giving you what you want,” Roman says, his voice like silk over ice. “Let's try things your way. What do you say, boys? Hm? Should we give Red Hood's methods a chance?”

the purpose is to make Jason doubt himself. to gaslight him into thinking that he practically asked to be treated like shit. because he comes when they have sex, and Roman treats him like shit while they fuck, so clearly that means Jason’s desires = being treated like shit, right?

chapter 6 is probably Jason’s last big defiant action before he gets, well, not completely complacent, but pretty damn close. fucking Chain is something he’d never have done at the beginning of the fic, but by this point, his psyche has already been re-shaped a bit by Roman’s tactics. sex is at the forefront of his mind where it wouldn’t have been before. sex is a tactic to get what you want from someone: he learned that from Roman.

by the end of the chapter, he’s gone through subspace (not for the first time in the fic, but more on that in my subspace meta), and while he’s still in that state, Roman does one of his little tactics to get Jason to trust him more: he takes off his mask while they’re in bed together, although he doesn’t let Jason see.

in chapter 7, we get more of Roman undermining Jason’s intelligence:

“Oh, Red,” Roman says with a shake of his head. “Still tragically incompetent with words, as always. You're lucky I know you well enough to realize you've got more going in there than you let on.” He accompanies this with a tap to his temple, and Jason at least has the good sense to feel offended.

he constantly reinforces the narrative that Jason has more brawns than brain, and needs someone like Roman to get him to “think clearly.” this is meant to make Jason doubt himself, wonder if he’s really thinking straight when Roman isn’t in his head.

in chapter 7, Jason also asks for one of the things he’s consistently been denied: boundaries. and Roman’s response?

“I admit I was a bit overzealous. I apologize,” Roman says, not sounding very contrite. “But that's exactly what I'm talking about. You need to trust that whatever I do to you, it'll work out in your favor. Do you think you can do that for me?”

Roman asks for obedience, not thought. trust, not mutual understanding. it’s about what he wants, and Jason, more and more, is starting to go along with it.

and what happens when Jason trusts Roman? well, he gets one of the best fucks of his life...

but also, a bunch of people die. whoops?

Jason’s guilt over this incident is so strong, and Dick comes into the story at exactly the perfect time to exacerbate that. in chapter 8, here’s where things really take a turn for the worse.

Jason is put in a position where he has to justify his attraction to Roman, and defend himself against actions that he feels personally responsible for. and what happens when he does that? it reinforces the until now unspoken belief that he really does want Roman to do whatever he wants to him.

because now there’s another party involved. now Dick knows he didn’t fight back like he “could” have, like he “should” have. now Jason, in his mind, has outside confirmation that he’s a willing party in this, and even goes so far as to wish he’s being raped to avoid having any culpability in it.

(the irony here being that Jason is being raped, because Roman consistently pushes past his boundaries when he says a clear “no.” he just doesn’t realize that it still counts as rape even if you come. he’d realize this if it were someone else in his position, but because it’s him, because he’s Jason Todd, because he’s stupid, because he doesn’t know how to admit what he wants, it can’t be rape. it can’t be. right?)

so he ends up leaving the confrontation with Dick feeling more isolated from his family, his only possible support system. feeling on edge, terrified that Dick will tell Bruce, and that he’ll be ousted from the family again, the black sheep that no one likes.

it’s this guilt and doubt and pain and terror that brings him into Roman’s arms, where he does arguably the most extreme session of the fic to that point. and that’s exactly where Roman wants him.

the next day, Roman really ramps things up. he sets up a fake situation where it appears that he’s been worriedly tending to Jason’s wounds all night. author’s note: he hasn’t. he’s full of fucking shit.

this line right here?

“I knew it,” he says a moment later, shoulders sagging under the tailored sleeves of his suit. “I knew you'd wake up as soon as I left.”

this is a little writer’s trick we in the biz like to call “a lie.” Roman can say that line literally whenever he comes into Jason’s room, and it’s like, oops, he only just stepped out for a minute! teehee! when in reality, he’s left Jason alone the entire night. Jason never receives proper aftercare, this is intentional.

but it still works. Roman manages to convince Jason, in his despair, to part with the knowledge that he used to be Robin. Jason is so alone at this point, he just wants someone to know that he’s in pain. and Roman has gotten him into subspace and “taken away the pain” often enough that Jason relies on him for it now. it’s like a drug to him.

and then comes the present. a simple gesture, and an easy one when you’re as rich as Roman Sionis. just a couple books. but to Jason, they mean so much more. they’re a “confirmation” that Roman listened to him speak about more than just business and sex. a “confirmation” that he does care, at least a little bit.

spoilers: he doesn’t. he doesn’t at all. it’s just a cheap way to endear Jason to him further, and Jason is in such an emotionally wrecked state that it actually works.

and then what does Roman do right when Jason has that realization?

he buys a bunch of hookers and spends all night paying attention to one.

give Jason attention, take it away. make him jealous. make it so that Jason is the one who wants Roman’s attention, not the other way around. and it works.

and when Jason gets upset and expresses that to Roman, his feelings are again downplayed and minimized.

“...I already told you what this means. Did you see a collar on her?”

It takes a second for Jason to realize Roman’s let up on his throat enough for him to speak. When he does, it’s hesitant and raspy.

“...No.” Roman lifts him by the neck, smacks his head pointedly back against the concrete. Jason corrects himself. “No, sir.”

Again, his airway gets cut off. “That’s right. Just because I’ve got some bimbo hanging off my arm doesn’t mean I give a damn about her one way or the other. This was supposed to boost morale, after everything that’s happened.”

Jason winces. He wonders if “everything” means his illness, or if it stretches all the way back to the former lieutenants now headless and chained to the bottom of Gotham Harbor. Either way, it’s his fault. That much is clear.

so now, once again, Jason feels responsible for his own anguish, even when it’s Roman’s fault, specifically building him up and tearing him down again. gaslighting him more to make him feel crazy. like he can’t trust his own emotions. like he needs Roman to make sense of them for him.

so Jason gets drunk to deal with the pain. and Roman eventually relents and gives him the attention he wants.

how does Jason respond?

a drunken love confession. Jason is now so broken down that he mistakes Roman’s token affection for love. he wants it to be love. he needs it to be, because that would make everything make sense. the way he feels. the way Roman is acting. everything.

and then, once Jason confesses, we get another sharp slap to the face by Roman: his “punishment” for being driven to drink, being cuckolded by Ms. Li. Roman knows at this point that Jason loves him. he’s using that against him by forcing Jason to watch him with someone else.

but he also throws him a bone: the knowledge that there’s a shipment coming in. he knows Jason wants to know about it. knows why he’s there. he needs to keep Jason tethered to him, keep him feeling like he’s getting what he wants when he’s actually doing exactly what Roman wants.

we can also see Roman continuing to subtly tear down Jason’s confidence in himself:

“Son, please,” Roman sighs, lifting a hand to cut him off. “Quite the contrary. It wasn’t an accident that I let you overhear that last night. That was your reward for complying so well, if anything.”

Immediately, Jason feels like his outburst was overblown. He shrinks back into his seat, looking down at the scraps of food on his plate.

Jason isn’t allowed to question Roman. if he does, it’s only because he’s an overdramatic brat. his feelings are constantly minimized, replaced by whatever feelings Roman deems it appropriate for him to have.

and then we get to the most recent chapter, with Roman manipulating Jason into having a conversation with Batman. Jason is given a week to prepare what he wants to say. and what does Roman do?

he doesn’t give Jason a second alone to think. constantly on him, fucking him, hurting him, giving him pleasure, distracting him. he doesn’t want Jason to be prepared. he wants him to be caught off-guard and thinking only of what Roman wants. then, only then, will he be the perfect little soldier to stand in front of Batman and pledge his allegience to Black Mask properly.

and that’s where we left off! there’s going to be even more delicious, horrible manipulation in the newest chapter, so I hope you guys are excited! can’t wait to publish it!

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 4 of 26

Title: Educated (2018)

Author: Tara Westover

Genre/Tags: Nonfiction, Creative Nonfiction, Memoir, Autobiography, First-Person

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 1/21/2021

Date Finished: 1/28/2021

Tara Westover was born into an isolated, fundamentalist, conservative, anti-Government family in rural Idaho. She lived a life of neglect and abuse, never going to the doctor and never receiving a formal education, while being forced into unsafe and life threatening working conditions. When one of her older brothers became violently abusive, no one stopped him.

However, things began to change when Tara self-studied the ACT and scored high enough to be admitted to college. At age seventeen, she stepped into a classroom for the first time, and soon found just how little she knew about the world at large. Westover's Educated is a deep dive into her experiences growing up, her emotional struggles with an abusive family, and her road to recovery.

To admit uncertainty is to admit to weakness, to powerlessness, and to believe in yourself despite both. It is a frailty, but in this frailty there is a strength: the conviction to live in your own mind, not someone else’s. I have often wondered if the most powerful words I wrote that night came not from anger or rage, but from doubt: I don’t know. I just don’t know. 

Not knowing for certain, but refusing to give way to those who claim certainty, was a privilege I had never allowed myself. My life was narrated for me by others. Their voices were forceful, emphatic, absolute. It had never occurred to me that my voice might be as strong as theirs. 

Full review and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Graphic depictions of childhood neglect and domestic abuse. Graphic depictions of severe, traumatic injury. Derogatory use of racial slurs. Racism, misogyny, and antisemitism are discussed. Somewhat graphic animal death.  

I don't have a lot of experience with nonfiction outside an academic setting, so writing a review about a nonfiction book, even one that's basically a story, is challenging for me. I've written and rewritten my Educated review a few times and none of them have felt right. So I'm going to keep things as short and simple as I can.

I've got complicated feelings about memoirs. Autobiographical works can be fascinating to read! But since I don't care about the personal lives of celebrities or politicians, most of the genre is dead to me. Memoirs like Educated are much more interesting; stories about ordinary people living through extraordinary circumstances. But there have been enough bad actors with this type of book (like Three Cups of Tea or A Million Little Pieces) that I'm always a little skeptical. So I approached Educated with a cautious yet open mind.

Educated is a thought-provoking memoir for a number of reasons, as it explores both the dynamics of familial abuse and the importance of receiving an education. Westover clearly experienced profound trauma as a kid. Apart from multiple disturbing injuries, she also suffered physical and emotional abuse, medical neglect, and a total lack of typical social and academic education, all of which hindered her ability to function as a normal adult. Despite this, she's managed to accomplish a lot, especially in terms of formal education, which her memoir details.

However, I think most official descriptions for the book do it a disservice. Yes, Westover was born to survivalist parents, and yes, she did not enter a classroom until seventeen. On a surface level the book is about her journey through education. But as Westover states, most of that education was social and emotional. A lot of the book actually focuses on her relationship with her family, and coming to terms with the abuse and residual emotional damage from her childhood.

As a survivor, I really identified with Westover's difficult journey with the abuse she suffered. While my own story is not as extreme, I was also abused as a child by family members. My father witnessed it happen and refused to intervene, gaslighting me and my mother + sister the entire time. There is so much irrationality and manipulation in a situation like that, and reading about her parents' denial that her brother Shawn was ever abusive struck very close to home. Like Westover, it took me a long time-- well into adulthood-- to finally establish boundaries and cut my father out of my life. Her emotional struggle and recovery are especially poignant to someone who knows on some level what it's like.

The academic portion of the book is also interesting. Westover's shock, frustration, and sometimes ostracization for not knowing certain things is just fascinating. It floored me that she had no knowledge of the Holocaust or Civil Rights Movement until college. While I have plenty of criticism for the US education system, it's better than starting with absolutely nothing. Educated made me realize just how much of my accessibility to formal education I've taken for granted.

I admit I actually finished the book a little skeptical, because there were some details that seemed weird or not adequately explained. Memoirs and other works of creative nonfiction inhabit a gray area in terms of truth. On one hand, they have to be entertaining to read about. But on the other, reality isn't always entertaining-- so embellishment does happen. One also has to consider how unreliable human memory can be, which blurs the line between fact and fiction further. 

On previous versions of this review I obsessed over financials, or how people recovered from injuries, and so on. Honestly, though, I'm not sure how much the small details matter in a story like this. Westover acknowledges several times where she remembers things differently than others. Memory, and how it changes with time and context, is a central theme of the book. I'll never know Westover's full story because I'm not her. 

But even if only half her story is 100% factually true-- and I think it’s way more than that-- it's still super interesting and discusses some very important topics. Westover comes off as genuine, and she describes her struggles in a very believable way, often going into detail that I'm not sure someone would even think to make up. I think it's nice she doesn't use her achievements as a form of self-aggrandizement. And while Westover accomplished some amazing things considering her background, the book also doesn't come off as a preachy bootstraps narrative. Maybe in five years there will be a huge scandal over this book, but as of now I'm willing to believe it for the most part. 

Educated gets an 8 because while I found it fascinating, it wasn't a life changing piece of work to me. A lot of people feel more strongly about it. Nonfiction also doesn't scratch the same itch for me as, say, really good spec fic. But I'm glad I read it, and I think it's a good thing to read outside one's comfort zone sometimes.  

[quibblesticks]

spread this for the bad adults to see

i don’t know if there are a ton of bad adults on tumblr, but i just want to say, for the record, that there are a lot of things you should not do to your kid!

from experience, here are some of the things you might not realize you’re doing that really make your child want to distance themselves from you:

- you don’t respect their space i cannot emphasize this first point enough. i get super uncomfortable when people get too close, so i tried to set boundaries with my mother. they got ignored literally moments after i tried to make them. this kind of thing makes your child stay as far away from you as possible so that you can’t invade their space as easily.

- you talk to them about things that make them uncomfortable if you do this to them, they will purposefully spend as little time with you as possible. at least, i know i do. while there are some things that people have to learn, making them uncomfortable should be for safety and education purposes ONLY, and not done unreasonably often. if you make your child uncomfortable, your communication will your child will almost undoubtedly suffer from it.

- you do complete 180s on them my mother constantly goes from smiling at something her friend said on the phone to downright glaring at me the second i say something she doesn’t like. it’s frustrating, unnerving, and it makes me feel like i can’t talk to her. 

- you only complement them for your purposes this one doesn’t make a lot of sense at first glance, so let me explain. you might only complement your kid when they did something you wanted them to do or if you’re about to ask them to do something you want them to do. for example, my mom wanted to get pictures taken of our family, and had a clear idea of what she wanted me to wear, even though I didn’t want to wear it because it made me uncomfortable and wasn’t well-suited for the weather. i ended up wearing it, and the second she saw me in it, she complemented me on how pretty i looked, and then asked if she could do my makeup (which i have established many times that i don’t like). you should obviously complement your kid if they feel uncomfortable and you think it’s the right thing to do, but you should always give them an option to change the thing that’s making them uncomfortable. you should also make many efforts to complement things just because you want them to feel good about themselves, not because of any personal motive. 

- you project onto them as i’ve grown up, i’ve noticed how badly my mother projects onto me, and mainly me. she constantly talks about how “fat” she is (i kid you not, she’s probably under 120 pounds) and how she needs to eat less (she eats very little at breakfast and lunch), among other things. i’ve noticed that she tries to limit my food intake as best she can, and constantly tells me that i’m going to “get fat” if i eat a decent amount of food. (for the record, i am like stick thin and constantly hungry. my friends can attest to this, since i’m always carrying around candy). it’s so frustrating to see my mother ignore my needs for fear that i’ll get fat, which is not even something that i’m concerned about. in addition, her fear has caused my siblings to constantly joke about how i’m supposedly going to get fat if i eat lots of junk food, which i’ve never taken to heart, but is still very toxic behavior. (projecting is part of gaslighting!)

- you take away their choices, and you never let them have their way in my opinion, this is one of the most common things i see my mother doing to me, and it’s one of the worst. she’ll constantly ask me if i want to do things, and when i say no, she’ll berate me for not wanting to do it. if i insist that it’s not something i want to do, i get punished for it. my only other option is to just go along with it, causing her to believe it’s something i actually want to do. even though, at face value, it looks like she gives me a choice, i really have no say in the matter except for what the consequences are. please bear with me for this part. it’s a long example, and requires context which i give, but it reinforces my point. for example, i once was made to do some volunteer work in a combination of my least favorite circumstances (forced to interact with people i don’t know and like in the middle of a sweltering summer filled with bugs, outside, doing yardwork). i didn’t get a choice in whether i went or not. my mother was talking to the mother of a girl in the group who she wanted to impress. (for context, i had told my mother multiple times that i don’t really like her daughter and don’t want to do activities with her. my mother kept insisting, saying that it was polite since they had invited us over.) she asked me if i wanted to get ice cream with the girl afterwards (i had been planning on going home and taking a shower). i said no, and she insulted me and asked me why. i told her i didn’t really like the girl and that it was really bad timing, since i just wanted to go home straight afterwards. my mother then proceeded to call me a spoiled brat, and it led into what was pretty much a screaming/crying match. it was awful. i still constantly think about it. she took away all my devices. (this was early quarantine, to rub salt in the wound). when she left the house, i had to ask my brother if i could use his phone to call my dad just so he could hear my side of the story before my mother got to him. after my mother got back to the house, i tried to communicate to her that if she insisted i have ice cream with this girl, i’d like to do it at a different time. at least before i got all sweaty and exhausted (mentally and physically) from yardwork. she continued to insult me and tell me that i should have said that sooner, and when i tried to tell her that i was getting there before she started calling me a spoiled brat, she got mad at me.  later, when things had calmed down, i had not gotten so much as a compromise. i even tried to ask my mom not to call me a spoiled brat in the future, and she told me it would only happen when i stopped acting like one. whatever trust i had for my mother is now long gone because of it. 

- you only place worth on their achievements, and not their mental health i’m sure this is a super common one that adults do. this is so upsetting to children because it makes them strive towards an impossible goal, sacrificing their well-being in the process. i feel like i don’t really have to give an example for this one, since it’s probably happened to everyone. in my experience, this has led to me overworking myself and never being satisfied with “almost there.” by not placing value on their mental health, you are making your kid feel like they are only worth what they can give you. this is toxic. 

- you isolate your child this is actually a sign of gaslighting. your child doesn’t need to be completely isolated for this to be considered gaslighting. as long as you make it so that it seems that they can only rely on you, you’re seriously hurting them. your child will almost inevitably realize that you’re trying to manipulate them, and it will cause them to hate you. there’s a difference between this and fair punishment for bad behavior, to be clear. for example, forcing them to cut off all contact with the outside world for a long (at least a week) or indefinite period of time is isolating them. if you ground them because of something you did, but still leave channels of easy communication with people they trust open for them, congratulations! you’re probably doing it right. this doesn’t happen to me as much as i see it in other people, but it’s still really important to be aware of what’s fair punishment and what’s not. 

there’s a ton of other things, and if you have anything you feel like adding, please do because i know i didn’t get them all, but i couldn’t make this like eight pages long.

basically, doing these things to your child makes them feel uncomfortable around you. they feel like they can’t trust you, and that means that they can’t communicate with you properly. they can’t and won’t ask you for help. they will inevitably distance themselves from you. 

in addition, they will feel alone. their mental health and sense of self-worth will probably deteriorate if left unchecked. they will have lower standards for themselves than they should. that increases their chances of being stuck in an abusive relationship or just generally feeling unsatisfied. 

personally, i feel like my experiences with my mother have led to problems communicating-- with anyone-- as well as feeling on edge whenever i’m around her. i’m beginning to realize that, as much as i hate lying, i speak to her mainly in half-truths. i feel like she only knows her idealized version of me: a preschooler who adores her and clings to her every word, and who can’t and/or won’t have opinions of her own. it’s also become very obvious to me that i am not her ideal daughter, not even close, nor do i ever think i will be. i don’t talk to her if i can help it, and i make efforts to be near her as little as possible. i never volunteer to be alone with her, and even make special efforts to ensure that i am not left alone with her. i am entirely willing to allow my relationship with my mother deteriorate, and can’t wait to move out. 

here is a link to the 11 warning signs of gaslighting, in case you are worried you are being gaslighted or you’re doing it to someone else: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting

i’m sorry the post was so long (and i probably definitely overshared-- oops) but again, feel free to add to this as you see fit

[recurring-polynya]

Bollywood Review Time!

Today, I am going to talk about Om Shanty Om, a very good movie that was Not For Me.

Let me back up. People recommend stuff to me a lot and I try to watch it and talk about it, and I always feel bad when I don’t like it. This one was recommended to me by my friend @serene-faerie​ I want to make it very clear that you, reader, may like this film very much! It was a strange perfect storm of Things I Don’t Care For, and I actually rather enjoyed the experience of picking apart what I didn’t like about from what I did, because honestly, I am always interested in the ways stories are told and what stories say about themselves.

Cut for spoilers and also length

First off the bat-- this is not a film for the Bollywood beginner. It’s sort of a meta-narrative, with a ton of cameos from famous stars and jokes about Bollywood tropes and directors and such. There’s a ten-minute dance number in the middle that’s just famous people showing up to get down and everybody cheers every time someone new rolls in. I have only actually seen a handful of Bollywood films, mostly made after this one (it was made in 2007), and I could tell that there were a ton of gags and references that flew over my head. I got the sense, both from watching it, and from reading reviews, that this was all very well done and funny, I just didn’t have the proper frame of reference to appreciate it.

The main character, Om, is played by Shah Rukh Khan, an incredibly famous Bollywood star whom I had never heard of before watching this film. In the beginning, Om is a somewhat-bumbling movie extra, dreaming of stardom, flipping his hair, and falling in love with a beautiful starlet on a billboard. I… was not taken in by his charms. I feel like I really missed out by not knowing who Shah Rukh Khan was ahead of time. That was sort of an interesting thought to me-- that a famous actor brings the good will of all his previous roles to a movie with him, and that it was very interesting to me to watch a film stripped of that context. I was literally shocked when halfway through the film, he rips off his shirt and had killer abs, I was absolutely not expecting it.

The deal of the movie is that, through a series of coincidences, Om meets Shanti, the actress of his dreams (from the billboard). She is played by Deepika Padukone, who I fell for immediately. She is gorgeous and had a ton of charisma. This movie seems like it’s going to be a love story, but it really isn’t. Shanti is charmed by Om’s sweetness, but she’s already in a doomed secret marriage with a scumbag director, Mukesh, who ends up murdering her when she wants him to publicly acknowledge her, which is kinda time sensitive, because she is pregnant. Mukesh had planned to have her star in a lavish movie spectacle called Om Shanti Om, but when she forces his hand, he burns the set down with her locked inside. Om witnesses all this; he tries to save her and dies in the process.

Om happens to die in the same hospital where a famous director’s child is being born, and he is reincarnated as the baby, and grows up to have the life he always wanted-- that of a Bollywood superstar. His name is still Om, but his nickname is O.K., so I am going to call him that to distinguish between 1977 Om and 2007 Om. He meets Mukesh again who is now a super-successful Hollywood producer. O.K. gets all the memories of his past life back, and decides to Get Revenge by proposing to do a remake of Om Shanti Om. He finds a wanna-be actress, Sandy, who looks exactly like Shanti, and has her haunt the set in order to make Mukesh think he is going crazy (and maybe also confess? It’s not a terribly clear-cut plan). You might think that Sandy is the reincarnation of Shanti, but Shanti’s ghost shows up in the grand finale of the film, so I guess she wasn’t?? You also might expect O.K. and Sandy to have some romantic feelings, but they really don’t, and in fact, O.K. is actually pretty mean to Sandy, even though she is extremely sweet and I don’t see how anyone could possibly be mean to her.

The movie is lush. The costumes are elaborate, the sets are lavish, the dance numbers are many and long. There is not a single scene without an off-screen fan to dramatically tousle the actors’ hair. I actually rather liked the last act of the movie where they were gaslighting Mukesh and it was over-the-top, scenery-chewing, Hamlet--play-with-in-a-play madness. A chandelier falls on someone. A lot of the end doesn’t even make a lot of sense or exist in any sort of linear time, cutting between the film-within-a-film and dance numbers and what’s “really happening” and I really had no problem with any of this. I actually really liked the amount of meta that was happening and the breakdown of boundaries, and I found the end to be reasonably satisfying.

So what didn’t I like about it?

The entire film relies on you being charmed by Om and I did not care for him. We all have this set of trope personality types that we enjoy and fall for, and “young person who dreams of making it big on the stage/screen” is a huge swipe left for me. Give me a stolid second-in-command who has been stationed at an ice wall for 30 years to protect his homeland. A incredibly tired dude muttering “fuck” as he wades into a swamp to fight a bog zombie, because who else is gonna? My dude turn-ons include duty and self-sacrifice and really good posture. I couldn’t watch Naruto because everyone spouted off about “their dreams” too much, and I thought Om should have cut his losses and gotten a real job. I am who I am.

There’s a weird fine line between “meta,” that is, stories about storytelling and presentation and media, and movies about being in love with making movies. I like the former a lot and I do not care for the latter one bit. I did stage crew for a high school production of 42nd Street and I have a very distinct memory of thinking “this is a play about putting on a play. Why on earth would anyone who is not an actor want to watch this?” I also hate books where the main character is a writer (yes, Stephen King, this is a call-out). I also hate biopics about musicians and actors. I honestly do not care about the craft, and the “magic of cinema” has never been a thing I have found remotely compelling. 

What I love about reincarnation storylines is the period where the characters recognize the feelings and memories that are tied to their previous lives-- where they see someone and can feel their old emotions for this person, but without knowing why. This is where I live. I eat this with a spoon. I want this to prolong the emotional burn, because the characters don't know what are their own feelings and what comes from their past lives, and that there are conflicts that must be resolved for both lifetimes. Alternatively, you can also use a reincarnation storyline to skip the emotional burn entirely, by just having the character “get all their memories back in one fell swoop.” This is… the opposite of what I want. This is what Om Shanty Om does. I felt deeply cheated.

Relatedly, the entire theme of the movie was "When you want something badly, the whole universe conspires to give to you", a sentiment I wholeheartedly disagree with. I love stories about the conflict between agency and destiny, I think this is a really meaty subject, but once again, the movie used it as an excuse to let the characters sit back and do nothing and have a solution to their problems drop into their laps. I am sure you could make an argument for the charm of this viewpoint, but it is not for me.

I like dance numbers all right, but they are not why I watch Bollywood films. This movie is over two hours long and a lot of it was dance numbers. I was very tired of dance numbers by the end. That being said, the titular song was a bop and I had it stuck in my head for days. “Disco of Distress” was my second favorite.

I do not really feel a lot of nostalgia for the late 1970s, which is when the first half of the film takes place. If noisy patterns and kitsch and big winks and goofy hair is your period aesthetic, you will enjoy this part a lot!

Here’s what I did like!

Sunglasses. There were so many good sunnies in this film. So many. A parade of excellent shades.

Deepika Padukone. She is so adorable, for one, and she charmed me in every way that Shah Rukh Khan did not. I loved her both as the melancholy starlet Shanti and the doofy, gum-chewing Sandy, and also the Angry Revenge Ghost at the end. I would say this movie is 75% Om and 25% Shanti, and I would have liked it a lot better if it were the other way around. Sandy had basically no agency whatsoever; the second half of the plot was basically about O.K. getting revenge on Mukush... mostly for himself? I liked that the first half of the movie didn’t make Shanti fall in love with the puppy-like Om just because he was devoted to her, but it would have been a nice reversal if the jaded O.K. had softened toward Sandy more in the second act, and that there had been a bit of a love story to temper the revenge plot.

The idea of the plot. The plot described in words is very cool to me, and there was a period of about 3 minutes in the film when O.K. recognizes Om’s mother when I got real excited about where this was going, and then I realized it wasn’t going where I wanted and was sad again. I think I might have liked it better if the movie started out with O.K. and revealed Om’s story slowly, through flashback, but nothing about this movie catered to my narrative aesthetic, so I eventually gave up with ways of trying to fix it.

Anyway, as I said, I can definitely see how someone could love this movie! If you are a big Bollywood buff and you love dance numbers and silliness and Shah Rukh Khan, I would recommend it in a second! It was strangely almost tailor-made to hit some of my pet peeves, and I was mad because I wanted to like it more than I did.

That’s my review! @serene-faerie​ I hope you still love me even though I didn’t like your movie. I am always trying to expand my movie knowledge and I learned a lot watching this one, and I don’t regret watching it, even though it wasn’t my fave.

[scholarhect]

2 3 15 babey

HI BRO ILY

2. what’s your taco bell order

crunchwrap supreme. maybe a burrito, idk. i had a bean burrito today but i thought it was gross. plus the red freezy thing (starburst flavored, i think). except today i had baja blast and it was pretty good

i want you to know that this question is the entire reason i made this post. this was the germ, the mustard seed. “ask game: what’s your taco bell order”. and the rest was history

3. tell me about that one thing you wish someone would ask you about

(spoilers for tma if anybody’s gonna listen someday, i guess. literally major spoilers for seasons 1-4. turns out i don’t know how to shut up. thanks for indulging me)

okay. okay i’m gonna talk to you specifically. listen to me, i am talking directly into your ear now. i wish for the opportunity to tell you about ms melanie king. you’ve already heard about her as the inspiration for my haircut and also my fishnet outfit from that time i dragged you to that thrift thing, but she is such an icon. first of all she’s a YOUTUBER. (not like a vlogger, i guess, she hosts a show on youtube. but a youtuber nonetheless.) she hunts GHOSTS. on YOUTUBE. so, she shows up at The Magnus Institute, London, to tell them about that time she saw a ghost (but it was like ... a weird ghost. not a normal ghost. you know). immediately she insults the guy’s shitty old tape recorder that she is expected to speak into, in the year 2016. so they get snippy with each other and end up in a full-blown “The Girls Are Fightinggg” passive aggressive argument because they both view each other as pathetic, fake, not-respectable paranormal investigators. (and they both have A Thing about being respected & taken seriously.) like it turns out that the institute has a fucking laughable reputation in The Academic Community because they’ll just take a statement from anybody about their supposed supernatural experience. meanwhile jon thinks the people on ghost hunt shows are charlatans because their goal is entertainment and, yes, they “do ham it up a bit for the cameras.” ANYWAY. she’s all dragging the magnus institute and he’s like. “but you’re here.” it’s very funny. turns out she can’t tell the Serious Academic Community about her experience because it’s so wild that they’d laugh her out of her career. so she’s here. so she’s got no choice but to tell her story. so the episode continues, and ends, okay, and you’re like, “wow that was a fun and iconic one-off character. right?” WRONG.

season two... she’s BACK baby! after her experience at the military hospital, she wants to do research on War Ghosts, but the magnus institute wouldn’t let her in bc she didn’t have the Academic Clout for it, so the only way is to get an employee to vouch for her. so. she goes to jon like “please you’re the only friend i have here i need help” and they DO fight again but he does agree to help her (because they’re the same person. they are *spiderman pointing meme*). so, later, she’s back. she did some research on War Ghosts and broke into an old train graveyard (which is a thing apparently) and got stabbed by the ghost of an army medic and she got caught and arrested and she was screaming about how She Got Stabbed By A Ghost and somebody took a video and posted it online and then she BECAME A MEME for a couple days and nobody wanted to associate with her anymore. rip. but now she likes jon and she’s here to say goodbye (because she’s going to india) (she also sets off the climax of the season because she just happens to be that one person who can see that the monster pretending to be a major character is not, in fact, that character. she’s like “oh, which sasha? the new one? or the old one?” and jon’s like “what the fuck” and she’s like “there’s definitely two sashas. are you trying to gaslight me.” but whatever)

ok this is literally less than half her arc (i’ve covered. three episodes.) but this is long as fuck so i’ll wrap it up. “what a cool reoccurring character,” you may think! “i hope i get to see more of her!” well GUESS WHAT. she comes back from india (she’s been SHOT BY A GHOST) she wants to talk to jon but he’s not there (he was unfortunately in very close proximity to a murder and he’s on the run so he doesn’t get framed. double traumatic experience, very fun. anyway he’s staying at melanie’s friend’s house, whom she has conveniently namedropped a couple times so far (in the last episode she was like “she actually has nice things to say about you, why didn’t you tell me you knew her” and he’s like “we didn’t part on the best of terms”) because she is his ex-girlfriend, so, though he literally was just pretending that he didn’t know her, he now knows that she doesn’t hate him so he shows up at her place and she hides him from the cops because she’s literally the only person he knows outside work. but this isn’t about him.) so melanie has no job so elias is like “you want a job” and she’s like “sure?” so now she’s an archival assistant at the magnus institute (i realized i had to explain that. i don’t think you even know who elias is. head of the institute, everybody’s secretly evil boss, currently lowkey framing jon for the murder he committed. but lowkey) her coworkers don’t want her there because they’ve realized that their job is evil and they Physically Cannot Quit so they’re like “great now she’s stuck here too” but she doesn’t know that so she’s just like “why does everybody hate me. are you misogynists” because her Disrespect Alarm is going off in her head. and then they have a Department Meeting where jon comes back with an open knife wound on his neck and demands elias tell everyone about the TWO murders and then there’s a standoff situation where somebody wants to shoot elias but he’s “knife cat”ing at her and very dramatically forces her codependent friend slash partner (in the cop way not the gay way) to sign a contract as an archival assistant so that daisy (the cop with the gun) can’t hurt elias because, oh yeah, if he dies supposedly they all do too. so melanie is ... thoroughly disillusioned. and she becomes sullen, too, kind of. and she begins to try to murder elias. queen

things get worse (in a supernatural way. she gets Angry Knife Powers. there’s a Ghost Bullet from India lodged in her leg pumping murderous energy through her body and while she’s asleep jon removes it, it’s all very terrible.) but then she starts going to therapy because she wants to get better and she ends up making the difficult journey to Being Okay. (she also literally blinds herself to escape the institute, and that doesn’t really sound analogous to therapy out of context but it is, okay) and her arc is over and she’s the only character in the story who is currently Okay. we’re proud of her. her last appearance (so far. who knows what s5 has in store. hopefully not much) jon, who is in some deeeeep shit by this point, shows up asking for help, and she’s like “i can’t help you bc i can’t get dragged back into all that, but you’re always welcome in my life as a friend” which is not great for him at that point because he is kind of having a breakdown, but it’s still <3. much better than the beginning part of s4 when she wanted to kill him on sight. also she’s dating jon’s ex now lol

15. if somebody irl you didn’t know asked you how you feel about mcr what would you say (this question isn’t quite asking you how you feel about mcr, but it’s not not asking that)

i’d be like “yeah they’re pretty cool. i like them”

[steves-strapcollection]

i apologize for calling you ‘king’, i didn’t realize it would be a bad gender thing and am deeply sorry. i just don’t understand writing off a callout because it has dumb shit mentioned, i’ve seen callouts on here for racist antisemites that contain kin drama stuff but that doesn’t invalidate the fact that the person being called out is shitty. i could not, in good conscience, interact at all with that server after they allowed nsfw in sfw channels due to bad experiences as a minor in fandom

I’m not mad or upset about the “king” thing, because it’s never been something that’s come up. No one’s ever called me “king” before so i had no idea that was something that would have bad gender feels for me.

I’m not blaming you for that necessarily, like at all, and this will be my last response to anonymous questions about this.

Despite not knowing it would be Bad Genders though, my gender feelings are rly fucky right now and it’s making it hard to stay engaged in this discussion. Because of your apology though, I will respond to this one.

The rest of this is going under a cut.

As for the other things, what it comes down to is that document contains more fandom drama nonsense dressed up in “woke” language than it does legitimate issues.

And as I’ve said, I’m not saying the RQ server doesn’t have legitimate issues, and I have no idea what sort of NSFW fanart or fanfiction is being shared. What is being considered “NSFW”? Outright sexual content? Or anything remotely resembling nudity and intimacy including making out and partial nudity? Because, from my limited experience, anything “risque” has fallen well within PG-13 limitations. Where is the line drawn for “NSFW” by the server?

And no one is saying you have to interact with the server! Actually, the opposite! The thing is, and the fact of the matter is, not all online communities are designed to be “safe places” and I truly believe the RQO crew does their best to do their jobs well. They’re volunteers, for the most part, and can only address issues effectively if those issues are reported to them. The expectation for mods in these sorts of situations to just swoop in and catch these situations every time, and to do so instantly, is actually leading to a very...toxic culture in Discord servers. Especially given that the server went from less than 2k members to 8k+ virtually overnight? It’s frankly ridiculous that the crew is expected to have immediate responses to every single infraction if it’s not being raised to their attention. And given how quickly the chat can be moving sometimes? You miss things.

I am the admin of a server with less than 100 people in it, with only about 10 ppl active at any given moment, and the chat can get to be impossible to catch up to. I can’t imagine trying to keep up to a server of 8k+ people with 20+ people active at any given moment.

These are humans, and projecting your expectations of how their conduct “should” be when you’re not actively experiencing what they’re experiencing lacks general social empathy.

And my opinions this morning are greatly influenced by the absolutely despicable behaviour levelled at the mods in the chat last night. Regardless of whatever was being called out, the persistent harassment and gaslighting toward one of the mods was painful to watch, and the fact that their professionalism is now being questioned after being persistently attacked is beyond the pale for me. I don’t know of anyone who would have been able to keep their cool when being bombarded like that. The mods repeatedly stated that they could not make a statement regarding their stance or action plan to address concerns raised in the Google doc until they all were able to talk and speak to Anil about it. Given that the Google doc was dropped in the middle of the goddamned night for most of the mods, they were understandably unable to respond immediately and should have been given the courtesy of having time to absorb, discuss, and respond. I mean, the Google doc compiled server drama as far back as 2019, so the original posters have apparently been working on this for quite a while.

It cannot just be ignored that several times, in every screencap I had the energy to search for the actual convos in the server, the mods’ statements or involvement were taken so far out of context, it’s like that scene in the Scooby Doo Movie! That makes all of it and the original poster’s intent extra suspicious. And just... the act of setting up a Google doc like that, going through and collecting screencaps of only the smallest part of a conversation that paints someone in an entirely terrible light, is incredibly immature.

I don’t endorse Google doc call-out posts like this, and I am always sceptical of screencaps just for this reason.

[briinstardust]

Sorry if I sent this more then once but Tumblr kept refreshing rather then confirmingEddie and his parents, what do you think? I think they believe they care about Eddie in their own way but they're problematic. Eddie begins flashbacks they wanted chris permantly, and said Eddie to drag him down. his mom belittle his medal saying for him to be maybe a hero in kitchen. And said for Eddie to leave his son. As Eddie pointed out they wanted to make up for lost time with their kids by having Chris.

No worries friend! 💗

oh wee, we could be here a while...damn...

Eddie’s mother is a helicopter parent. She constantly is concerned for her son’s well being, but in a way that’s unhealthy and unproductive. She’s gaslighting him by making him think he’s a bad dad, while simultaneously calling Shannon a bad mother. Eddie hits back against both of these things though, which is nice to see, but that’s the behavior his mother is displaying.

They’ve set up this idea of Christopher needing consistency, which fine, I agree children need consistency, but Eddie’s dad is saying this, while also knowing he was not around the same way Eddie is not around because he’s working. This is the pot calling the kettle black. There’s a “This is different because X” thing happening here, but it’s not different, and Eddie is very quick to call this out.

Eddie is also very quick to defend Shannon, which I appreciate, when his father calls her a bad mother because we know Shannon was not a bad mother(this is an entirely different conversation).

And Eddie’s mom does the same thing when Eddie says “You want me to do the same thing too” referring to leaving Christopher and moving away. Eddie’s mom is doing the “This is different because X” when it’s really not.

I think it’s entirely inappropriate that Eddie’s dad says, “He barely knows you, you haven’t been around most of his life” this is also a little bit of gaslighting (and another word I’m having trouble finding in my swiss cheese brain...)

Eddie is within his rights as Christopher’s father, and as their son, to say what he says, because he is right. This does feel like someone trying to make up for bad behavior, trying to set the clock back if you will, and that is entirely inappropriate, for the simple fact that Christopher is healthy, and well taken care for. Eddie has done nothing to harm this child and Christopher even says that he wants to be with his father. Eddie did exactly what was right for Christopher, and that was taking him with him.

Eddie’s mother saying “Don’t drag him down with you” is gaslighting at it’s peak! She’s saying that Eddie’s making these life choices that are somehow inferior and that Eddie’s not living his life to his potential or making a full life for himself (wording, I know...words + feelings = a whole goddamn mess). End of the story, Eddie’s mom wants to be in control. of everything. Of Eddie, of Christopher, of he whole family. I mean she fucking tells him he’s giving Christopher a beverage incorrectly. (lol @ me getting mad over this scene)

And since we’re here, let’s address what Shannon says, “I’m familiar with the tone” the look on Eddie’s face, pinching the bridge of his nose, he’s embarrassed that his mother has spoken to his wife this way. And while we’re here, the look on Shannon’s face says that Eddie’s mother has been giving her unsolicited parenting, because Eddie’s mom is a helicopter parent. and for some reason feels the need to control her son’s wife’s parenting. (There is a word for this behavior other than gaslighting and helicopter parenting which I just can’t think of rn. someone help me out if you know what I’m trying to say)

What Eddie says about his parents to Chris, “It’s like we’re talking about completely different people” is absolutely heartbreaking. This makes me think that conversations like this were had often even when Eddie was a teen, and I think that Eddie remembering what it was like growing up with his parents he didn’t want Christopher to deal with that as well, so he took Christopher with him, and refused to use the same parenting techniques. This is why we see Eddie treat Christopher the way he does, Eddie doesn’t want to be his parents, so he does the opposite of what parenting he had growing up.

And if we’re going to address his medal. I get the impression that his mother most likely did not approve of Eddie’s going into the military. I also get the impression that Eddie went into the military to escape the helicopter parenting of his mother. So that’s why I feel like she does that, as well as undercutting his parenting in this scene, telling him to be a hero in the kitchen. And Chis is old enough in this scene to understand what they’re saying, not understand the context or the sarcasm, but the words, and I think it’s really icky that she would say that in front of Christopher, but like at all. Because Eddie risked his entire life, and came home with this medal and scars that we cannot know about, and she is just undercutting her son at every turn, and it upsets me immensely.

This was a lot more than I anticipated... feelings happened.

[penciltopbear]

OKAY I’ve been thinking about Tasky and tma stuff even though I’m not caught up at all and I’ve come to the conclusion that Taskmaster is SUPER hard to pin down entity-wise so I’ve compiled my thoughts for and against each entity. Disclaimer that despite this being all I ever talk about I am by no means an expert on either tma or Taskmaster and will probably misremember a lot of stuff so please feel free to tell me what you think! Also I’m gonna be taking some of these points from @lhassinu so hi :)

Under a cut because I have a lot of thoughts

These aren’t ordered based on compatability or whatever it’s just based on what order the wiki has them 

The Buried 

For: He has a fear of drowning, one that was fairly pervasive in his childhood

Against: While he does have a fear of drowning, it’s not an overwhelming fear, especially since he has taken specific measures to minimize that fear so that it isn’t an issue. He doesn’t have any other fears associated with the buried, nor any financial issues, and I mean. Let’s be real here. Buried would be the lamest entity to go with. The man kills people for a living and wears a cool cape and you want to go with the fear named Too Close I Cannot Breathe? Lame. Moving on.

The Corruption

For: There really isn’t much in the way of support for this one. The closest you can really get is that he seems to have a general aversion to rot and decay, but nothing beyond a normal reaction. You could maybe spin something out of his best friend hanging around ants, but that’s a stretch. 

Against: Like I said, not much for it in the first place. Aside from a lack of strong fear towards most of the Corruption’s manifestations, he also doesn’t have the need for love that people like Jane Prentiss had; there’s no way that something like what happened in Love Bombing would happen to him. In fact, he actively betrays most of his friends and doesn’t get especially attached to anything or anyone.

The Dark

For: Some parallels can be drawn between the Dark and the Abyss, namely the whole cult thing, and Tasky seemed vulnerable to the Abyss, so there’s some evidence that would suggest that he would align himself with the Dark/The People’s Church. There’s also the fact that, given his line of work, darkness can be incredibly advantageous for stealth missions.

Against: While there’s some support for aligning with the Dark out of love or something similar, there’s little in the way of fear. A big part of the Dark is the unknown, what can be lurking beyond, but Taskmaster just would not give a shit. He’s far too confident in his abilities to have anything more than mild caution.

The Desolation

For: Tasky has no aversion towards destroying people’s lives if it means making a quick buck, and he has definitely set fire to quite a few things.

Against: Despite that, however, he doesn’t necessarily enjoy doing those things. It’s more of a means to an end, that end being money, and it would take quite a bit of provocation before he would take the initiative and do it for free. The Desolation, much like the Corruption, also tends to pull in people with a need for companionship, people who want to be a part of something, which Tasky just doesn’t care about. Plus, while he’s not afraid of setting fire to things, it’s not a common enough occurence to really warrant devoting himself to a cult about it, ya know?

The End

For: There are a few obvious ties, namely the fact that he does kill people a lot and he utilizes imagery closely tied to the End in the way of his Skull mask. He also has a fear of dying, at least to a small extent. After all, you can’t really be a mercenary without a healthy fear of death. It’s possible that, if he were to die, he would choose to serve the End rather than go quietly.

Against: That being said, he’s also far too cocky to really be afraid of dying, at least enough for him to turn to the end while he’s still kicking. And, again, he doesn’t kill for pleasure often, it’s just a job. 

The Eye

For: This one works really well in the context of Unthinkable. I tend to ignore Unthinkable for reasons I’ve gone over in the past and don’t care enough to talk about right now, but it definitely plays into the whole “need to know even if it could destroy you” thing. Aside from that, there is also his drive to constantly be acquiring new skills, and he keeps records of different fighting styles on tapes. In a way, he’s sort of like the Archivist, but instead of cataloging fear, he catalogs actions and behaviors. 

Against: This man hasn’t stepped foot in a library since middle school and he can’t remember shit. Whether or not he knows how to read is questionable

The Flesh

For: There’s really not much here. If you’re reaching, you might be able to make something out of him being something of a butcher, but you can’t get anything super concrete. 

Against: Piles of meat is just sort of part of the job, he’s not gonna be bothered by it much. Plus, he’s seen so many weird people in his line of work that he’s not gonna bat an eye at someone like Jared Hopworth, no matter how grotesque their body may be. 

The Hunt

For: The Hunt was the first entity I thought of while trying to pin him down. A big part of the Hunt is how easily it can take a hold of people. As soon as they are exposed to hunting, whether it be monsters or people, there’s a chance of it taking hold. In that sense, the Hunt is somewhat of a hazard in Tasky’s line of work, so it wouldn’t be a stretch for him to be aligned with it at some point. Plus, I think that Taskmaster with a wolf skull mask would be a really neat aesthetic. 

Against: I know I’ve brought this up a lot, and I’m gonna keep bringing it up, but killing isn’t something Taskmaster does for sport, it’s a job. He doesn’t necessarily derive joy from the chase, and if he isn’t going to keep it up if he doesn’t have a reason. If the money runs dry, he’s not gonna keep going. In a story, it would take a bit of build up for the Hunt to really work, but that’s not to say that it can’t work at all. 

The Lonely

For: Tasky tends to work alone a good bit of the time. Every time someone does get close, he ends up betraying them in one way or another.

Against: He has been shown to care about his friends, and does feel bad about betraying them. He also has been shown to be effective when working with others, possibly even more effective than when he’s alone. Being a mercenary, being completely cut off from society is impossible, since good networking is crucial to getting jobs. Plus, his abilities rely on him being around other people. All of that put together prevents him from willingly cutting himself off like Peter Lukas. He doesn’t have a fear nor a love of being alone, thus stopping the Lonely from really taking hold. That being said, it’s not necessarily impossible. Much like the Hunt, if you really develop the idea it could make for a really neat story, but it won’t work well in the current state of his character. 

Oh holy shit there are a lot of these

The Slaughter

For: He kills people bro

Against: The Slaughter is founded around unpredictable, unmotivated violence, which Taskmaster just does not do. Whenever he kills someone, it’s either because he was paid to or because someone really pissed him off that much. You could make the argument that from the victims end it seems unpredictable, but if they’re watching their actions and how they affect people it really isn’t. People aren’t gonna hire mercenaries to kill you for no reason, even if that reason is just “they have money and I want that money”. He also isn’t afraid of violence against him, he knows the dangers of being a mercenary and is prepared to deal with them. He also has no strong ties to war or music, at least when it comes to violence.

The Spiral

For: This is another one that I think is good in the context of Unthinkable. Throughout that entire run people are actively lying to him, and memory issues can definitely mess with your perception of the world to the point of thinking that things are wrong. He also does lie and betray others quite frequently.

Against: He doesn’t really tend to doubt himself, nor does he suffer from any hallucinations or mental illness that would alter his perception of the world, and his lies are often more short-term deceptions in order to gain the other hand as opposed to gaslighting someone or making them question everything they know. 

The Stranger

For: Again, this can work well with Unthinkable. His sense of self gets entirely screwed up by his memory issues. Outside of that, masks are closely tied to the Stranger and his mask is one of his most recognizable features, and it’s definitely one that can invoke an uncanny valley sense. He also has the ability to quickly change his mannerisms, which I personally think could fit quite well with the Stranger,

Against: He doesn’t have strong ties with most things commonly associated with the Stranger, namely the circus and mannequins and taxidermy. He doesn’t have a strong fear of the unknown and unfamiliar, if anything it’s just another thing to be understood and for him to learn from. He doesn’t show intense paranoia, no sense that things are wrong, and I doubt that he would feel any fear of things associated with the Stranger beyond “haha that’s kinda creepy”. 

The Vast

For: There’s not really much in defense of this one. 

Against: He’s too full of himself to worry about his own insignificance or whatever. His only fears relating to wide open spaces would be drowning, but that’s a Buried fear and not Vast. 

The Web

For: This is another one that I think shares a lot of similarities with the Abyss, namely being controlled. He has been manipulated multiple times in the comics, with one example that I can think of off the top of my head being when he worked for AIM in Secret Avengers. He strikes me as someone who could definitely be one of the Web’s puppets.

Against: I don’t necessarily think that he’s afraid of being controlled or manipulated. After the whole Abyss thing, he honestly seemed unfazed by the whole ordeal. He likely thinks himself too smart for it to be really an issue. He also isn’t afraid of spiders, so that can’t be used as a jumping-off point, so to speak, unlike Annabelle Cane. 

I’m not doing the Extinction because 14 was enough. 

So, based on all of that, it seems like the Eye is the best fit without changing any characterization, with a few others having the ability to work with a little bit of storytelling. BUT there’s also the possibility that he serves none of them. There are plenty of people in tma that don’t serve an entity but still profit from their existence, like Mikaele Salesa. I could definitely see Taskmaster sort of staying on the fringes of the whole thing, taking jobs to kill monsters and retrieve artifacts as he pleases and ignoring whatever the fuck Elias has going on. 

IN CONCLUSION this was a really horrible idea and I should not have put this much time and thought into this. Anyway I am tired and refuse to read any of this over again so if I got something wrong feel free to tell me so and I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts :)

[svpervixen]

This was my entire life for 3 years. I’ve spent the last year working desperately to recover from manipulation and endless gaslighting.

Gerard gaslights like it’s a second language, and as if there’s absolutely no shame in doing so.

1-2. I’ve caught him in lies, WITH PROOF, only to be demonized and attacked for asking about it.

3. Green Day, Final Destination 3, my sisters, my friends, my parents- the people and media I care about the most- I was either restricted from seeing/indulging in, or was actively insulted/demonized for having any interest/love for it/them. It’s as if everything that made me who I am, everything that made me passionate and zealous were a threat to him simply for empowering me. And god forbid anyone who cared about me attempting to protect me from him. They were either kicked out of my life, or I was shamed/guilted for trying to spend time with, quickly leading me to never see them at all.

4. There are too many examples to list. Oh my fuck even thinking about the amount is overwhelming. “I’ll be better”, “I would never do that to you”, “I care about you”, “I care about your interests”, “I’ll get a job”, “I won’t ever do that again”, ETC ETC ETCCCCC

5. He was insecure so I was made to feel insecure. He felt lonely so I was made to feel lonely. He had a history of cheating on people so he endlessly accused me of doing the same. He hated a lot of people for stupid, immature reasons and expected me to hate them too, and in some cases actively go after them. He had zero patience with several different kinds of people and expected me to act the same. He hated himself and constantly accused me of hating him. To name only a FEW.

6. ALL of the friends we made together have sided with him. He gets close to them, “admits” to a watered-down, purposefully-vague and misleading version of the truth to PRETEND he’s taken SOME form of accountability, and then goes on to exaggerate EVERY aspect of my own problematic actions I exhibited in response to being terrorized, beaten down, and cornered ENDLESSLY. He uses fine, real-life details and a shameless delivery to convince these people I’m something that I’m not, all in the pursuit of covering his ass. He tells them I’m toxic, “psychologically destructive”, that I was a “drunk who battered him”, etc, when all of it is a bullshit lie or gross exaggeration lacking vital context. Losing my friends to this was one of the things that scared me away from leaving him for a while because I KNEW it would happen, as I watched the ways he demonized and lied about people for 3 years leading up to it, knowing it would happen to me and he would utilize any and all people who showed any leeway in not believing me.

7. It’s really easy to dismiss my speaking out at this point by calling me an obsessive, psycho, crazy ex set out to ‘hurt you’, isn’t it? There’s already such a grand misunderstanding and prejudice towards emotional women voicing their pains, ESPECIALLY in the form of a relationship with a man. But really, is that all you have? Calling me ‘crazy’? Telling everyone else I’m ‘crazy’? You ever consider telling them the truth? That the REAL ‘crazy’ was the barbaric mind games, manipulation, and dismantling of self you put me and the others through? Hm? How about that? Or is that too integral for you to comprehend?

8. I was told my exes raped me when they hadn’t, I was told the love I felt for people in my past wasn’t real, I was fed antagonizing bullshit about my own family and friends whenever any of them got too close to me or too curious about my shutting down after getting close to him. Anyone who dared to threaten his righteous spot in my life was an ‘enemy’ and treated as such, through and through.

9. Do I need to say anything on this one? The only reason he’s “owning up to” anything is because he KNOWS he can’t escape ALL of it. If he were to deny everything outright, the backlash would be far greater. Instead, he cherry-picks, he utilizes white lies, he gives an inch of bullshit and expects you to run with it for miles. He sells it well because he’s soulless. But what he has ‘owned up to’ is bullshit because he NEVER dives into the extent of it, he never acknowledges just how fucking awful he was, he leaves the majority of the abuse he caused out of it, and he plays the victim in order to form allies because empathy is a very strong and molding emotion. This is exactly why all those he’s closest to are empathetic as hell; he knows what works.

10. I was never allowed to have my own truths. Things as simple as words like “trigger” extending to the most fundamental parts of myself (my journals, my favorite band that saved my life as a young teen, the time I spent living in a different state) were rewritten to be something they weren’t. All because my strength, character, and the people who helped shape me were just a massive threat to him. And for what? All I can reckon is his god complex.

11. Apparently I’m overreacting now just as much as I was then. All of it was projection, as he was the one constantly overreacting instead of communicating with me. And it makes sense; he’s always been the one with something to lose. Not me.

The physical abuse was awful, but nothing was as damaging or lasting as his endless gaslighting and manipulation. I’m not ‘letting go’ of the way I was treated and the lack of humility he exhibits that leads me to conclude he will do it again. He is a dangerous liar and no one will convince me otherwise, and especially those who didn’t spend nearly 1,100 days of their life being subjected to it.

[writtenbyhappynerds]

Unit 8: Romance

    Welcome to the romance chapter! If you haven’t taken Exam 2 for Fanfiction 101 go do that! It covers the last 3 units, so cliches, crossovers, and realism. If you have taken the exam and want the key to check your answers, DM me. Moving on, romance is a lot of writers’ bread and butter. It is an easy subplot, it can be fun to write, and it allows for both internal and external conflict. Romance can reveal a lot about a character’s personality, and it can be done extremely well where the romance between one set of characters is a hard-earned commitment and partnership between two people. However, more often than not, romance is done very, very poorly. We don’t mean bad grammar or unrealistic standards like we’ve discussed in prior chapters. We mean romance that is not romance and is instead the glorification of abusive and/or underage relationships. Strap in! This is our PSA to the world.

    First things first, lots of stories introduce romance as the hook. It’s Harry Potter x [Blank] or Jason Todd x Reader. Romance is usually what gets readers to click because they want to read a story about a specific character. What writers have to be careful of is to not make two characters falling in love the entire plot. A storyline where characters fall in love is a lot more natural if it is a subplot to a narrative; it should appear second to the actual plot. In Unit 6: Making It Real, we talked about how Mary Sues have storylines where they themselves are the entire plot. Lots of romance stories suffer from this as well, and I know you want to care about and center everything about your characters, but you have to give them something to do. The audience gets bored reading it otherwise because they don’t have the same emotional attachment to your characters that you do, and you can’t force them to. So, make romance a subplot. Make it an internal conflict that becomes external with time, and if you write a slow burn, we should not be able to infer that two characters are going to end up together from the first chapter. The Editor and I have seen stories where characters get together in the first 3 or so chapters and then break up repeatedly. That is not a slow burn, which is a slow gradual incline to infatuation. That is an on and off relationship. It also removes the incentive to read because we as the reader have seen the title. We know they’re going to get back together, and then we stop reading.

    We’d like to say that this chapter is our love letter to romance fanfic. However, as the Editor and I discussed more and more of the errors we find in fanfiction, it’s become a PSA. More often than not we see fanfiction writers glamorize and romanticize abusive tendencies and abusive relationships in their fanfiction as if it is “goals” or “adorable.” If we may remind you all, Twilight was not an example of a good relationship. It actually hit off all 14 nationally recognized signs for being in an abusive relationship. What this means, is that having a love interest who is overly possessive re: doesn’t let the OC hang out with people of the opposite sex, wants to constantly know where they are, is surprise popping-in to check on the OC, etc. That is not healthy because it represents a breakdown of trust in a relationship and less of a, “He’s so cute and caring that he wants to know where I am all the time.” You see this a lot in werewolf fanfiction. Usually, the Alpha is overly possessive, isolates the OC, and then wifes her up. Sometimes it’s against her will. This isn’t cute, and it isn’t charming. It’s dangerous habits and we as writers and readers should not see this kind of dynamic. I’m about to heavily spoil Frederik Backman’s Beartown for my next point. Beartown is an important book. It is my favorite book of all time. If you haven’t read Beartown there is a break in the paragraph here so you can skip ahead of the spoilers. Beneath it will be a spoiler-free summary of my point but using Beartown as an example gives me more context. There is also a blanket trigger warning. If you are easily triggered skip ahead.

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    We as writers and readers usually write abusive fanfiction because we see it as “not bad because he isn’t doing XYZ.” So long as the character isn’t getting assaulted, or isn’t being physically hurt, it’s okay that they did what they did. In Frederik Backman’s Beartown, Maya Anderson is in love with Kevin Erdahl. They have small moments, tiny little slivers of interaction that are cute and warm, and make you smile. In the background, the character Amat is also in love with Maya, but she only has eyes for Kevin. Kevin and Maya are seen as acceptable up until Kevin rapes her and then gets away with it because of the conspiracy of silence and shame that surrounds the hockey town they both grew up in. Kevin is the star hockey player. He’s untouchable, and if we equate it to werewolf fanfic, he’s the alpha. In fanfiction, the audience would never support the relationship between two characters if one sexually assaulted the other because it’s the worst thing you can do to another person. However, just because Kevin rapes Maya that doesn’t mean the other things he does are any less horrible. Kevin is still a piece of shit for gaslighting, manipulating, and lying to the entire town, but those actions are seen as less terrible if Maya is not raped. Abuse takes many forms, and a love interest can still be abusive without ever physically or sexually touching their partner. Look at James Saroka.

    Now, the brilliance of Beartown is that it completely subverts our expectations as readers. It surprises us. Up until the point where Kevin rapes Maya, it is a hazy, charming story of a little town trying to make it. After the action, the entire tone shifts, and the silence that this girl is forced to endure, which is so true-to-life for victims of sexual assault, change the perspective of the audience who don’t care if the town dies in a ditch so long as they let Kevin get away with what he did. Beartown shows us that love is messy and shows us a different form of love. It is not always two teenagers slow-dancing in a kitchen. It is not the shy bumbling boy asking a girl to the dance. It is a pining that sometimes never yields, and sometimes in the case of Beartown, it is a boy walking into the middle of a town hall meeting and breaking the team picket line to say, “My name is Amat. Kevin Erdhal raped Maya Anderson, and I saw it. I was drunk, and I’m in love with her, and I’m telling you that so you don’t say it behind my back when I leave.” Amat and Maya are a great example of a love story that doesn’t work out but is still someone caring passionately for another without any sense of entitlement. Amat never expects anything back from Maya, and he gives up everything to do what he does. It is an example of surprising the reader away from what would’ve been an obvious narrative.

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    Ok, you’ve skipped the spoilers. Anyway, as I was saying, a character is not less of a piece of shit because they do not physically or sexually abuse their romantic partner. In lots of fanfiction, not just werewolf fanfiction, we see romantic interests that are abusive. However, even the writer considers them not that bad because they aren’t doing XYZ. There is a difference between a bad boy and an abuser. The bad boy doesn’t follow the rules because he finds them harmful or stifling. If you’re doing a High School AU or setting, the bad boy wouldn’t want to sit in a classroom with a bunch of teachers who don’t care about whether he learns or not or what they’re teaching. They’re passionate. They oppose injustice, and they don’t go for petty revenge. A bad boy would be on some Gryffindor shit. An abuser doesn’t follow the rules because they see themselves as above the law or better than the rules. In that same High School AU, they wouldn’t sit in the same classroom because they’ve already learned everything they need to know and school is a waste of time. They get mad when things don't go their way. They do their best to keep what they consider their property close to them. An abusive boyfriend would fight just to prove he’s better than others. A bad boy would fight to defend someone. If your character is overly possessive, manipulative, or controlling towards their significant other that is still abusive and it is not okay. You as writers do not have any obligation to follow the mold of what the rest of your genre does. Alpha werewolves do not have to be overly-dominant and controlling: you can be assertive and be a leader without being a shitbag. Loki characters do not have to be abrasive and play mind-games with their OC. You can be mischievous without gaslighting your partner. A definition of gaslighting is putting doubt or messing with someone’s memory by convincing them something did or didn’t happen. That person might think they’re going crazy, that something’s wrong with them, and the person who is gaslighting them will convince them everything is fine and this is the way it’s always been. In Twilight, Edward gaslights Bella after saving her from the car. It’s an example of this manipulative tendency. “Bella, I was standing right next to you. I pulled you out of the way.” Bella tells him he stopped the van (the truth) and he does his best to convince her that she hit her head really hard and isn’t remembering things properly.

    Another sign of an abusive relationship is when a character changes their personality completely to fit the personality of their love interest. Again, this is evident in Twilight, and it’s also evident in the Joker and Harley Quinn in DC Comics. Harley is a very different person and was a different person before meeting the Joker. However, she changed who she was to become something he’d like. You see this in fanfic usually when characters who are written and depicted as “strong” crumble and become weak after meeting their love interest. You also see characters who drop their hobbies, the things they enjoy doing, or their other friends. This happens in writing because the author believes that the plot has shifted from the main character to the main character’s interaction with their love interest. To avoid this, romance should be kept as a subplot. If you have an overarching goal or destination, the romantic interest’s involvement will not interfere with the things that make the main character who they are because they are not the overarching goal or destination. Don’t force your characters to become someone else to better fit the person you want them to fall in love with. Two people can have different hobbies or different personalities. They don’t have to think on the same wavelength.

    Relationships don’t experience outward harm and aggression nearly as much as it is written. Lots of very unrealistic fanfics put this in to add conflict to their story, but fail to understand if a character was getting hurt on a weekly or almost daily occurrence, each instance where the character gets hurt loses its value because the act itself is normalized. Accidents happen, and in some lines of work accidents happen a lot. You see that in spies, criminals, or superheroes where injuries are huge problems, yet their line of work is an open door to injuries, and injuries are expected as part of the job. I had a friend lose an eye because someone smashed a pint glass in his face. I had a family member lose a finger because he cut it off chopping wood. Neither of these accidents was at their places of work, and both are living their best lives unbothered. Normal, everyday injuries occur, and accidents are normal. They should never divulge into a conversation about “protection” because that just takes three years off my lifespan every time I read it. Shit happens. My friend’s girlfriend didn’t wax on about being unable to protect him from the pint glass. My cousin’s wife didn’t try to throw herself in front of the ax to save his finger. Mistakes can be made, and you deal with the consequences. You take a workman's comp, you veg on the couch for a couple of weeks, and you get over it. An injury in either of these contexts would never lead to a conversation about protection, and it’s more realistic if you have a character who gets frequently stabbed, shot, scratched, or punched, for their significant other to say something like, “Oh, damn, again? Sit down, and don’t you dare get blood on the carpets I just paid to have them cleaned from last time.” This happens a lot in Supernatural fanfic. Usually with Dean Winchester, where after an injury that is usually a glorified scratch the character who has been written as capable and badass caves to Dean and becomes a backup dancer to his and Sam’s show. If the character was as capable and badass as written, they wouldn’t let Dean talk to them like that, and they wouldn’t have a relationship dynamic like that. Don’t sacrifice your character’s personality just so it fits better with a member of the cast. That’s not what healthy relationships are like.  

    Speaking of healthy relationships, part two of this PSA. A 15-year old or underage OC (meaning someone younger than 18 years old) can have a crush on an older person: a teacher, an Avenger, etc. They can have romantic feelings for said person. Said person CAN NOT PURSUE THE UNDERAGE PERSON. It is illegal. It is immoral. It is unhealthy. Tony Stark’s daughter or son is not going to end up with Hawkeye, Captain America, the Winter Soldier, Natasha Romanoff, Loki, the Hulk, or Thor. Having a huge age gap like this creates a power dynamic where one side of the relationship has less of a voice than the other because of their much younger age. It creates an unhealthy division within the dynamic where one voice is less important than the other because one voice has less knowledge of the world and is less mature than the other. On top of that, Loki, The Winter Soldier, Captain America, Black Widow, the Hulk, Hawkeye, and Thor would never pursue an underage child because they are all grown, mature, adult men and women. They would not want to sleep with and marry a teenager because a teenager is not emotionally mature or available to these men and women. That’s why the age of consent, at least in the US, is 18. I cannot drive this point home enough. If you have to lower the age of the cast to make the age gap less uncomfortable, you already know it’s wrong and it won’t work. You need to pick a different love interest or raise the age of the OC because as we’ve discussed in Rules of the Universe, this is not a good enough reason to change the canon of the cast. Even if the child is “mature,” a mature underage child is still a child. A child being in a relationship with a 30-year old adult is super creepy, and no 30-year-olds other than the ones who creep after underage girls are going to really pursue those relationships. If you are writing members of the cast to pursue underage girls, you’re writing terrible Onision fanfic. If the characters are say, 30 and 45, those are two consenting adults. The age gap is less important because both are older and mature and have the life experience to make these decisions for themselves that a 15-year old does not have. If you are writing teenage romance, keep them within two years of each other. They should be able to go to high school together for at least two years. Even looking at student-teacher relationships. This ain’t Riverdale. Even Riverdale was weird and cringy and no one liked it. Everyone thought she was the worst because she took advantage of a student and sexually assaulted a minor. That is what happened on Riverdale because when you sleep with a minor, that minor is incapable of giving consent, and what you have just done is commit sexual assault. If a minor sends nudes to an adult that is child pornography. If the adult is caught with that they are charged with possession of child pornography. Underage relationships are inherently unhealthy. Do not write them. Do not romanticize them. An underage OC can have feelings or a crush on an adult, but it will always and must always be a relationship that is never fulfilled. A relationship that does not work out.

    Love triangles are another aspect of romance that we see all the time. We talked about love triangles from a plot perspective in Realism. In that unit, they were a bad thing because your OCs deserve a much better story than choosing one person over another. Now, we’re going to examine love triangles from a romantic perspective. They’re tired. They’re old. They’re unrealistic because a girl or boy can be interested in multiple people, and need time to think about which one they’d like to end up with. Remember that we talk about abusive people who would fight to prove they’re superior to someone else. If two boys are fighting to try and prove to the world that they’re a better candidate for the OC, neither of them deserve the OC. If that’s how they treat her potential partner how will they treat her?

    In addition to abusive relationships, stop glorifying and romanticizing self-harm and eating disorders in fanfiction to build angst and give the character “flaws.” Going back to Unit 6: Realism, self-harm, and/or depression and/or eating disorders are not character quirks, flaws, or tools to build angst. They are ugly. They are terrible conditions that hurt so many people, and that people all around the world struggle with without getting help. It isn’t cute to write that a character cuts themselves but stops because their love interest tells them to. Not only is that insensitive, but it’s unrealistic. That’s not how that disorder works. There are many cliches that writers fall back on to build angst in a story, but they are often so poorly executed that they never work at making the audience feel the emotion you as a writer want them to feel. These cliches include depression, bullying, self-harm, homelessness, abusive parents, and/or dead parents. Sometimes these cliches dogpile on top of each other. That is unrealistic as well. If you are going to talk about mental disorders and mental health, the burden of proof is on you the writer to make the audience believe it. You have to research these topics heavily and make sure you understand them in their entirety. Then you have to use them as a conflict of the character, not as a plot to push or challenge two characters in a relationship. You can have a healthy romance without having ridiculous plots happen to main characters. Brooklyn 99’s Jake and Amy are a great example of two characters existing sans toxicity. They don’t need outward harm or threats to their relationship, they just need each other.

    This is a large information dump. We’re aware of that. To close out, we’re going to give and explain good and bad examples of relationships from TV and media. These are the cream of the crop. If you need examples of what to write or what not to write, look here.

    Sokka and Suki are a great example of a good relationship. Neither one ever discounted the other’s ability to be a badass. They respected each other's cultures as well, Sokka going as far as to learn and train with the Kyoshi warriors for the short while he was there. He never tried to “protect” Suki when he knew she could protect herself. In vice versa, Suki was the same way.

    Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99 are a great example. Their relationship is peak good slow burn. They start off as rivals, become friends, and then realize at different times that they like each other. These realizations hit at different times and Jake is able to set aside his feelings for Amy to support her. A healthy relationship is someone who is happy for the person they love whether they are with them or not. If you compare this to something like Twilight, Edward Cullen was so arrogant that Bella would never be interested in anyone but him that it didn’t matter when he told her she could kiss Jacob if she wanted to. Both Jake and Amy retained the original cores of who they are as people while growing. Amy still color-coordinates, but she’s learned to relax and let go of the uptight attitude she once had. Jake still pulls pranks but has grown up a bit and become less immature. When this couple does face conflict, they confront it together and work out their problems as a team. When a couple finally gets together, their relationship usually flatlines because the author doesn’t know what to do anymore (often because the romance is the entire plot and once you accomplish the plot.. Then what?) but because their relationship was a subplot, it stayed alive even after they got together.

    Hal and Lois from Malcolm in the Middle are a great example of a good relationship. They knew each other so well, despite being very different people. There was respect. They were a team, and no one loved Lois like Hal did. That was always obvious. The scene where Hal and the boys go against Hal’s family because they made Lois cry is forever iconic, and they are a great example of a relationship.

    Ben and Leslie from Parks and Rec are a good relationship. They both respected the other’s career goals, and never forced one into an uncompromising position. They learned to have a balance of love and careers.

    Also, read but not explained: Rapunzel and Flynn Rider (Tangled), Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable (Kim Possible), Pam and Jim (The Office), Shrek and Fiona (Shrek), Percy and Annabeth (Percy Jackson), Gomez and Morticia (The Addams Family), and Santana and Brittany (Glee).

    Allison and Luther from Umbrella Academy are a bad example of a healthy relationship. They are not goals. They should not be romanticized. If you have to say, “it isn’t technically incest,” you already know it’s wrong. Even Gerard Way himself has said that he regrets putting them together. He himself called it incest. It ain’t PG. Don’t use them as an example.

    Allison and her ex-husband from Umbrella Academy are a great example of one person gaslighting and manipulating the other. We know from the show it’s implied she convinced and tricked him into falling in love with her. He created for him an entire world where nothing was real. It’s not a healthy relationship.

    Literally, every relationship in Riverdale is a bad relationship. There is not one relationship that did not have abusive tendencies, manipulation, or one person whining about “protection.” None of them are it. Avoid all of them.

    We have to talk about Twilight. Twilight’s Edward and Bella big mood bad relationship goals. Edward is overly controlling, obsessive, and needs a healthier coping mechanism. Bella herself changed her entire world to revolve around Edward to the point that New Moon has Bella equating her reason to live and self-worth as a person to Edward’s absence. She’s a great example of a character dropping everything they have for a boy.

    Gossip Girl is also filled with unhealthy relationships. According to the Editor, who has seen Gossip Girl many times over, Chuck and Blair are a good example of a couple that can’t exist without some kind of drama. They break up other relationships, cheat on each other, and use other people to make their significant other jealous. If it isn’t something you would expect anyone to put up with in real life, don’t expect your characters to put up with it either. They both were incredibly possessive, Chuck actually attacking Blair for being with a different person (Louis) and ruins a perfectly good mirror. Dan and Serena from Gossip Girl are another example. Dan makes Serena feel guilty and like a lesser person as time goes on. He slut-shames her, talks about her, and when it’s revealed that he is Gossip Girl, we realize as an audience that he’s been saying terrible things about her for years. Leave the, “if a boy is mean to you it’s because he likes you.” crap behind. If a boy likes you, he’s going to be nice to you so you like him back.

    Our final bad example is Jade and Beck from Victorious. Jade West deserved so much better. She was toxic and controlling, and Beck is a great example of gaslighting your significant other. He never claimed to have a girlfriend while many women would flirt with him. He never did anything to make her feel more secure in the relationship, and when Jade expressed concerns, he would tell her she was crazy or controlling when really she had every right to be (Beck x Tori). Jade knew the score and was belittled for it, and Beck let her get herself worked up and played directly into her insecurities.

    Dictated, but not explained bad examples: Pam and Roy (the Office), Princess Bubblegum and Finn (Adventure Time), Matt and Karen (Daredevil), Joker, and Harley Quinn (DC Comics).

    Next week is our last unit. Unit 9: Don’t Like, Don’t Read. We’re going to talk about constructive criticism, and why it is a wonderful thing that you should be open towards. Peer reviews are due in the comments in two weeks’ time. Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

[migleefulmoments]

Debunking The ccResponse to my Proof post

CC Nonsense is so easy to debunk.  

This is their response to me calling them out for using manips as “proof” that cc was and is real.  

A group of grown adult women thought THIS was irrefutable and such good evidence that it was a perfect response to shut me down. In fact, they comment about the fun they are having several times.  I’m dumbfounded honestly by the ridiculous things they hold up as proof.   It’s so stupid.

ajw720

gifs found here (x)

flowersintheattic254

And it’s D who is the one looking blissfully happy. He mirrors C’s movements so much here and his expression is someone who is

BESOTTED

C is the focus of that. This exists and can’t be explained away.

Let’s start with my debunk post from yesterday. If you haven’t read it you can read it (X). Essentially, what we learned is that this photo 

which is one of their most treasured “proof” pics is a manip. 

It is super long so under a cut

I have no idea why Abby came back at me with the specific gif set above and this photo because they still prove nothing. Both men are known for being funny in interviews and that is exactly what is happening here but slow it down, clip out a 1-2 second piece, loop it in a gif and suddenly the moment because so much more than it ever was. Watch the entire video and the moment isn’t special at all. Chris always answers to get a laugh-hence “oh God” and “I was scared shitless”. I don’t know why being scared shitless during his first sex scene is proof of cc. Cory spoke about being terrified as well. Darren’s response is very serious-100% theater major. He gives a long answer, thoughtful answer and then turns on the charm at the end, going for a laugh to break the tension.  He leans forward Chris for less than a second as you can see from my screen grabs all taken at 3:17

and says “what do you think Chris?” The intimacy- and Flower’s “BESOTTED” moment- that the cc fandom has long romanticized in this interview is simply not there when you watch the video played at regular speed and in real time.  

Darren isn’t mirroring Chris’s movements- in fact he is quite serious when answering the question and he doesn’t seem to be all that aware of Chris beside him until he gets to the end of the question. As you can see in my screen grabs above, he doesn’t  look blissfully happy or besotted until the last two screen grab when he purposefully makes a cheesy smile at Chris and says “what you think Chris?”.  That was 1/2 a second in real time. The cc fandom and @flowersintheattic254 have spent 4 years purposefully NOT watching the video, instead realying   entirely on a manip and a handful of gifs along with their fabricated  version of what is going on on stage. They are literally gaslighting themselves.  

leka-1998

Hahahaha

They want to believe this is darren - I can’t help them. But if THIS is your proof, you are in sad shape.  Especially when you are putting that against 

You have a headless photo taken 6 years ago as your only non-Glee proof. That is pretty sad. Can you imagine a prosecutor taking that to court. “Yes, your honor, this photo of a tiny part of a man’s chin, his head cut out of frame and most of his body obscured by a cat is my proof that Chris and Darren are in a relationship”. Abby should know that this is proof of absolutely nothing. In fact, if you would listen to Chris with your ears instead of your eyes- you would know this is Will: Chris has confirmed Will is his boyfriend in several interviews.  Holding this photographed chin portion up to Will’s chin, it is easy to see that it could be him. That along with Chris acknowledging Will is his boyfriend and the many photos we have of them going about their lives as a couple, his outright denial of any romantic relationship with Darren and the fact that Darren identifies as straight, the evidence adds up to it being Will in the photo.  

I know you want it to be Darren, but assessing evidence isn’t about what you want to find, it is about looking objectively at the evidence and putting it all together in context.  You can’t take an isolated moment, slowed down and gif’d to within an inch of it’s life and call that proof.  

Evidence that supports Will as Chris’s boyfriend-  Will attended Hannah’s graduation and was with Chris for his mom’s funeral whereas Darren was seen eating lunch with friends in LA.  

Photos where they do boyfriend things. 

All of the credible evidence leads to the photo is Will. You claiming it is Darren simply because you desperately want it to be isn’t “credible evidence”, it’s simply the foolish, baseless claims of a few strangers who believe their fantasy is more important than the reality of the people involved.  In order to believe it is Darren, you have to dismiss all the overwhelming credible evidence that says it is Will.

Also real 

I have NO idea why these are considered “also real”. They are both gifs cut from videos produced for Glee Promotion. These were filmed as part of Chris and Darren’s job responsibilities. Chris actually refused to do The Wedding interview and had to be forced to do it. 

I have no idea how you can listen to The Wedding interview. and come away feeling like it was cc positive. It is an indication of how deluded you are and how bad you are at HEARING with your ears. In fact, you once again are “listening with your eyes” by screen capping it to turn it into a gif so you can fixate on 1/2 a second of content and pretend it represents the entire interview. When I first saw the interview, I was stunned at how anti-cc the it was. The entire interview is about how bad overzealous Kragen fans are-”the crazies” and how neither man wants to get your attention so they just stay off social media. 

This is a gif of Darren cracking up is when Chris suggests future-Kurt should be played by Marcia Gay Harden. It’s really funny and Darren laughs-so what? The video is supposed to fun- he’s doing his job. 

Here we have Chris’s closed off- his arms wrapped tightly around himself to protect himself. Darren might be boisterly laughing but Chris isn’t.  He’s barely giving anything. But regardless of what is really being shown here- - these videos were filmed 5 or 6 years ago as part of Chris and Darren’s work...what the hell do they prove related to cc? Absolutely nothing. They prove that both men did the job they were paid to do. They also prove you guys insist on using gifs to prove your fantasy because they are the best way to manipulate reality into showing what you want to see.   

Look at Naya cracking up at Darren, does this prove she loves him? NO, of course not- just like Darren laughing in a PR video he was paid to make doesn't’ prove he loves Chris. 

Watch the unaltered video for a real perspective. 

ajw720

@leka-1998 Apparently she is CONVINCED too much love, and all of the other headless images on C’s IG are just the PA.  Apparently C just likes to cut off his head for shits and giggles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am having way too much fun with this.(Me too, it’s fun explaining “credible evidence” to a lawyer who doesn’t understand it. When are you going to provide evidence that isn’t simple to discredit? I keep waiting for this to get harder but so far it’s utter nonsense.) 

Umm...”all the other headless images” aren’t there like 2 other headless images? No, I don’t think Chris cuts them off for “shits and giggles”, I think he cuts them off because cc assholes come on his social media and terrorize him when he posts Will’s face- especially back during Glee days- so he tamed it down so you hags would not bother him.  This isn’t rocket science here, it’s pretty simple. If you listen to Chris- of course you don’t-but if you did, you would see that your “proof” doesn’t align with what Chris says. Instead you “listen with your eyes” and disregard his pleas to stop shipping him with Darren. 

All of your evidence is in the form of a screen grab or a gif, have you ever wondered why that is? Has it ever occurred to you that none of your evidence comes from Chris or Darren’s mouth? In fact, you go to great lengths to prove what they say is not what they mean. It’s a sick game you play, but I suppose you know that which is why the “#1 rule of fandom is DO NOT involve the players”   

cc-still-going-strong

I will admit it is all history if they can give me ONE photo he looks at her like

THIS

Again, so weird that you used more Klaine screen caps as your evidence. It’s like you don’t understand that Klaine is different from Chris and Darren. 

I have no clue why you think these are excellent examples of anything but get ready to admit it is all history, my friend. Your photos are literally screen grabs from PR videos, smh.  I posted a bunch of responses to this challenge- you can see them: besotted (X), kisses (X), Wedding (X), Reception (X), Random (X), Video 1 (X), 2 (X), 3 (X) 4(X) Romantic 1 (X), 2

Some of the photos I included: 

THIS is a photo of a BESOTTED Couple!!!!!

This is also a photo of Darren BESOTTED.

flowersintheattic254 I want to play some more!!!!!! (OH Me Too, THIS IS TOO EASY) Can Michy rewrite D adding C to his lines on C’s birthday. Was that dubbed Michy and created by us.

I’ve never understood why you believe this joke is proof of cc? It’s a hilarious joke, but it’s really benign and certainly not indicative that they are lovers. They are former coworkers and this was right after Glee ended, so the joke is funny and timely. Today the joke would probably fall flat except within the fandom. Here you are again LiSTENING WITH YOUR EYES as you refuse to acknowledge both that Chris had named Will as his boyfriend and Darren had named Mia by the time this joke was told.  Now, 4 years later Darren is married to Mia so IDK why this is still so exciting for you guys.  Please explain to me why you believe this joke is proof of riot material...why is it something to get excited about other than it’s clever and funny? Again you have to take it out of context of all other evidence about their personal lives, ignore their outright denials they are couple, ignore Darren’s claims he is straight, believe he is lying every time he speaks about his sexuality, fabricate an entire backstory to the joke and believe it is as wink wink nod nod to fandom that they are a couple. It’s just a joke- the whole show was full of them.   To me, your delight with this has always reeked of desperation...and don’t kid yourself, after Darren told this joke every night, he went home with Mia. 

Or maybe some more glee panel. Look at D here.

Or shock horror, which bastard manipulated their legs to look like they were together?!!😮

I love BTS pics that show how close and relaxed they are with each other Michy.

He’s laughing at a joke here...I don’t get your delight. Again- believing this is special requires you to disregard everything Darren and Chris have said about their lives and to belief this one old gif supercedes the thousands of photos we have seen that disprove cc is viable. But even if you weren’t sure back when this gif was new, now we know that Darren is married to Mia and Chris has published Will’s face on his social media many times. In light of new information, your original theories about what these gifs show have been proven wrong and you need to amend your theories. Or at least that is what a reasonable, intelligent person who cares about the truth would do. History would indicate that you are incapable of amending your theories when new information comes to light and that you only care about your fantasy- the truth is inconsequential to you. History also indicates your “proof” is always taken as an isolated event because each time you are forced to ignore the mountain of evidence that disproves your theory. 

Yes, they are absolutely standing right next to one another but so what? This pic doesn’t prove they are in a relationship. If being next to some proves a relationship then Abby get married every time she rides the subway. They are coworkers on set- getting ready to film a scene together. This is a shot of their legs taken when they were standing around Zac getting directions when they first arrived. Once again, you manipulated a photo to make it look like something it isn’t.  But that is always how you “prove” cc is real- you lie and manipulate.  Darren hasn’t even been in hair and make-up yet, this very early in the day. 

ajw720

@flowersintheattic254 the h/edwig joke has been caught on video, but ofc, obviously we fucked with the audio. 

Nobody thinks you fucked with the audio you twit. Reasonable adults simply don’t think a benign joke told on stage is scandalous or indicates they are lovers. 

Just adding a few more special, genuine moments of D absolutely adoring his man, i mean co-worker he hates  

I have never said they hate each other so you need to get someone else to debunk that. In fact, I don’t think I have ever heard anyone except the cc fandom claim they hate one another.  It’s part of only seeing “always” and “never”. 

According to the cc lexicon- Chris and Darren are married or at least live together and have for several years and Darren is under an onerous contract that forbids him from letting the world know he is gay AND that he is in love with Chris Colfer. In fact they are forbidden from interacting in public and their characters were broken up in season 4 in order to break them up in real life.  So you are suggesting that Darren is sooooooo in love that he just cannot stop staring at the man he lives with for the 4 minutes he is on stage with all eyes on them even though he could lose everything under the contract? Cuz that seems like a shitload of risk for simply looking at Chris in a crowded room. According to your logic, Jenna is staring at Darren. I have no clue what he is looking at. He is certainly looking in Chris’s direction but given all the information we have- Darren was dating Mia-now he is married to her, Chris was living with Will-still is, Chris and Darren haven’t spoken in 4 years at least cubically  and they both denied they were a couple many times, I can say that the evidence does not support your claim that he is looking lovingly at Chris because they are passionate lovers and he just can’t help himself. I just posted a bunch of pics of Darren looking very lovingly at Mia while also holding her close and smiling- your 2-second gif vs all the evidence proving he is in a real relationship- married- with Mia- it doesn’t come close to comparing.  Google “Darren Criss and Mia Swier” and scroll for an hour- you see thousands of photos of them looking very much like a loving couple. Your handful of 4-9 year old gifs are pitiful and don’t prove anything except Chris and Darren were coworkers on a TV show where they played boyfriends.     

I’m not going to waste my time debunking these. They are literally the same as the above gifs- ALL onset Glee-in fact the top two are from more Glee promo videos in the same vein as the ones above. Still -they prove nothing.  

And of course the time C looked at D look he was the entire world

Again a slowed down gif from set. Do you see the patten of manipulation here? I wouldn’t say he looked at him like he was the entire world, It looks ot me like Chris looks up at him as Darren speaks to him and then he looks down. You slowed it down to make it more dramatic. It’s a very effective technique to change the mood- TV shows and movies do it all the time.  

But yep all we have is a few IG likes, that is correct Michy, that is all we got. 

I honestly have NO clue what you are insinuating here.  

Aw remember all those behind the scenes of them having fun together too. Guess these never happened either Michy.

Oh we are back to your favorite Bryant Park. They are coworkers killing time on. set. I don’t know why you believe this is so interesting. Yes, they are really cute but Newsflash: coworkers can have fun and joke around together and not be lovers. They had to kill hours before filming started. In fact they had to kill a lot of hours that day. They were on set for 11 hours and filmed a tiny fraction of that time. Once again, you have to take this out of context of all the other CREDIBLE evidence of Miarren and Chill, as well as both men denying a relationship and Darren is straight in order to believe this is something exciting.  

You showed me 1 pic that wasn’t on set. That should tell you everything. Honestly, I know you fully believe your own nonsense and you can’t understand how everyone else isn’t buying into it. But really, I should just respond to this with LOLOLOLOLOL because your evidence is so pathetic and absurd it is laughable. How a grown women can believe that a handful of 4-9 year old gifs representing 1 or 2 second taken from promo videos made for Glee-all slowed down for dramatic effect- can add up to solid proof of a secret relationship is mind boggling.  But it’s even worse because you are a lawyer -you know that evidence isn’t something taken out of context. You know that evidence is looked in its entirety and that includes what Darren and Chris testify about their own relationships.    

ajw720

remember that time D called C the life of the party on National TV?  

Remember the time Darren was asked “Do you take Mia to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, honor and cherish til death do you part” and he said “I Do” ? That trumps your “life of the party” comment. Why do you think calling a coworker “the life of the party” is indicates love? He also said “I’m straight” and that he wasn’t in a relationships with Chris- but you discount that because you don’t want to hear it -even though he has repeated those comments many times. Nope this is about you latching on to anything you can. It’s really embarrassing       

Chris may be the life of the party but he said this about Mia on TV- to a much bigger audience :  

I know you do not understand symbolism and you insist on taking this beautiful sentiment literally-and tying it back to Cunanan- so it makes no sense to you, but it is incredibly romantic. It’s a very beautiful, loving  sentiment for one’s life partner.

@ajw720, @flowersintheattic254, @leka-1998

[eorzean-capitalist]

The more flowery a person’s speech … the more suspect the feelings, or lack of feelings, it concealed. --  Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

There’s a lot to unpack from the fauxpology that appeared recently on a new blog from Oz.  I’ve seen this before... from multiple abusive people.  

So let’s dive in, shall we?

There are some things I need to address, some of which I need to apologise for. I want to be clear this is not me entering into a debate, this is not my version of events, this is an apology for where I have made mistakes and where I have at times hurt many people who ultimately did not deserve it, many of whom are my friends and loved ones. 

Some of which you need to apologize for? Some?

I have no intention of any kind to publicly address this any further. I do not think it would be of any benefit to anyone, particularly the people I have hurt, to escalate this more than it already has by arguing about any specific claim’s full context. If you wish to speak with me privately, I encourage you to reach out to me personally

Private, where you can continue to try to control the narrative.  Private, where you can attempt to keep gaslighting your victims.  Private, where no one else can see what you’re saying and go ‘Um, no, that’s not correct’.  

And whose benefit here are you really concerned about?  Because I can tell you right now, your victims would /love/ for you to publicly acknowledge the hurt you caused them.  It just wouldn’t be very fun for you to be open to the kind of scrutiny you’ve called to attention on other people for daring to go against your dictates and mandates.

Unfortunately, I have to be clear about what, exactly, I’m apologising for. In the noise and fury surrounding the last week or so, accusations have been made that are not simply bad interactions taken out of context or even objectionable but otherwise fairly mundane failures of decency, but utterly detestable and even illegal.

Jesus christ, put down the fucking thesaurus.  We get it.  You know big words.  Would you stop tap dancing around the point and actually get to it?  

Actually, I’ve read this run-on sentence several times and I really can’t make heads or tails of it.  What are you trying to say here, Oz?  Are you accusing your victims of making shit up?  Despite all the evidence that’s been posted?  Are you suggesting that somehow talking about the shit you’ve done is illegal?  Like really?

I do not say this to excuse anything I have actually done or anywhere I have actually been wrong, but so that I can apologise for where I have indeed done wrong without admitting to baseless claims of acts that are not just morally reprehensible but in some cases illegal.

“So I want to cherry pick what to apologize for.  The stuff that’s just kinda assholish I’ll admit to but everything else is illegal because I say so.”

I have never doxxed, stalked, sexually harassed, or threatened the the life of anyone

Um.  Sure, Jan.

Additionally, I have never sent anonymous hate messages through Tumblr or any other medium. I have never condoned any of those behaviours, encouraged them in others, nor have I ever made false claims of any of the prior acts.

Uh huh.  Have you forgotten we’ve all SEEN you do this shit?  You may not do anon tumblr hatred, but you do threaten people.  I’ve seen you go on complete tirades over and over again.  People have actually posted testimonials and screenshots of logs where you are threatening them.  Seriously, stop denying you do this shit. 

I have made many mistakes and, yes, I have made some very bad choices. While I am absolutely guilty of being unnecessarily aggressive, disdainful, and combative, I have not done any of those things. I am not going to speculate about the motivations of the people making these claims, but suffice it to say they are entirely false and the people making them have no reason to believe otherwise. There are things I have to own and apologise for, but these are not among them.

They just made some very bad choices, folks.  We should totes give them a break. 

I regret I must start an apology with a qualification like that, but given the nature of the more extreme and spurious claims some have made, I have no choice. It would be disingenuine and even irresponsible of me to extend a blanket apology and include deeply reprehensible acts I have never committed nor would I ever commit.

I think what they’re trying to say here is ‘I would do anything for love... but I won’t do that.’

Also, if you need four flowery paragraphs of highfalutin language to start off your ‘apology’, you’re doing it wrong.

What I will apologise for are the places where I have failed and while they are not as many as claimed, they are dire

Now we begin the minimizing stage.  They admit to doing some things, but not everything, and even those some things are very small really.  Just a few things.  Yes, dire things but JUST A FEW THINGS.

I allowed myself to listen to voices that lauded me for drawing hard and sometimes arbitrary lines with people, showing swift cruelty, and forgetting there is a very real difference between flawed people who have made mistakes or even just poor choices and people who set out to knowingly do harm for its own sake

“Guys, I made some bad choices.  I was lead astray by other nebulous people.  Clearly they were the ones to guide me into these dire, terrible actions.  I apologize for them dragging me kicking and screaming down this awful path.”

What’s worse is that these are lessons I learned long ago, but I allowed myself to be comfortable and even lazy. I did not hold myself to my own standards and through my unwillingness to examine my own behaviours, I hurt others.

I hope you pause to meditate on the fact that this is why people say your behavior has never changed.  

There are times I have shown anger or drawn a line around spaces under my control and done so justly There is a time and place for anger. Like any emotion in a healthy volume and the right context, it has a role to serve.

The problem is, you are addicted to your righteous anger.  You go from 0 to 60 in 0.005 seconds, and when you blast people, you refuse to listen to them when they try to reason with you.  I’ve read the logs.  I’ve seen you run in, scream at people and when they try to placate you, continue to berate them.  

Your first reaction to anyone challenging you or ‘threatening your territory’ is to go nuclear.  Full blast nuclear.  And you do. not. stop.  You will continue to post about them for months.  Vagueposts sniping at them.  And you don’t just do it yourself, you command  your people like they’re your little army to avoid the people you’ve decided are on your Naughty List on pain of becoming your next victim.

That’s on you.  It is all on you.  No one else is to blame for this, no matter how you may try to blame your ‘choices’ on mysterious others in your life.

In many cases, what I did was apply that anger too broadly and too eagerly. I was too willing to see the hurt in response to my actions as a proof of guilt from the people I refused to see the simple human dignity of. I allowed people who I felt wronged me or people dear to me to become less than people in my eyes, something reserved only for the most awful of people, not individuals who simply commit some passing faux pas in a bad circumstance or, indeed, do nothing beyond some relatively minor violation of the social contract.

On this, we can agree.  Would that you had said this rather than all the shit above.

After a period of suffering genuine manipulation, abuse, and gaslighting by a truly vile person, I allowed my feelings of abandonment and outrage at an injustice to stew and mutate into a broad and directionless anger. No matter what happened, my failure to properly gauge my emotions and find healthy, positive outlets for those feelings was not just unacceptable, but my fault. What’s worse is that I sought and found help. I knew what I had to do, and it took me too long to begin the process of healing, a process entirely within my control. While I refused to heal, I indulged in pain and the social rewards that come from it. Not just my own pain but the pain of others.

More blame shifting.  Remember, folks, while they did hurt people, they were the REAL victim here.  

The worst part of all of this is that among the choices I made, they were not choices I made out some misguided belief or, in most cases, not even out of misinformation. They are things I did in spite of my own beliefs. If you asked me on a good day, I would tell you I believe it is absolutely critical to reach out to people you feel have wronged you and while it’s important to protect the things and people vital to you, you should never allow yourself to succumb to a hateful, tribalistic, ingroup/outgroup attitude without fully appreciating the harm that does not just to other people, but to yourself.

On a good day, if you asked me, I would tell it is absolutely crucial to be no one’s attack dog and to avoid people who celebrate the harm you do to others. I would tell you it is easy to build the support of people who see you as a vector for the harm they want to see done to others. I would tell you it is not just easy, but a passive process to become a threat to other people and that is the very last thing you should want to be. When I say I was overly comfortable and lazy, that is exactly what I mean. 

You know what they’re doing here?  Trying to be subtle about it, but definite blame shifting going on here.  They are blaming other people for jumping on the bandwagon THEY created.  They got off on manipulating public opinion about people, and are now blaming the very people they manipulated into feeling that way.  

Nice try, but i c wat u did thar.

I failed to be the better version of myself I have been. I can say I never set out to harm people specifically because I wanted to or I because I enjoyed the idea of punishing others, which I didn’t, but the effects of my actions are the same as if I had. I invited and engaged in unnecessary conflict to no gain, I meted out judgement where harmful, and I did all of this with the reassurance I would be rewarded in ways I never should have sought.

“See, folks, I just wanted the approval of other people.  So I hurt you because I sought out that kind of approval and it’s their fault for making me want their approval.”

In every instance of wrongdoing, I was a hypocrite. In allowing myself to see people as their failings, something I absolutely know is wrong, I justified a level of hostility that is not just inappropriate, but destructive to myself, to those around me, and of course to those on the bad end of that hostility. For that, I apologise from the bottom of my heart.

Furthermore, I need to apologise for the influence I’ve had. Beyond my actions themselves, I have helped create a culture of cyclical anger, division, and anguish that has done real harm to our community. Not only have my actions reflected poorly on my friends, who I can assure you are not supporters of those actions, they have fed into a subculture on Balmung of a deeply hostile and hateful moral rectitude. I contributed to an environment where people looking to do harm can and can do so largely without consequence.

You know, if you had just said this, I might actually believe you were sorry.  Unfortunately, this is buried in so much bullshit it’s hard to take seriously.

I can complain about there being absolutely false and completely groundless claims made about me, but it is my fault there is an environment for those claims to come from. Obviously, there are other bad actors in our community, but I am the only person I have control over and I have to accept my share of the blame for the culture I helped create and I am sorry. In different moments, I have tried to contribute constructively to the space we share and in others I have actively torn it down.

Like other things, it’s something I know better than to do. As has been said both to criticise me and to defend me, I have an old and long-buried history of being a malignant presence in another community. I am proof that people can grow beyond their immaturity, but that one still has to be vigilant about not falling into their old habits. It is a lesson I know and chose to ignore for temporary comforts.

I am sorry for allowing a kind of zeal to take hold in me that let me ignore the difference between a sexual predator or their defenders and people who simply briefly upset someone in some minor way. At my best, I hold myself to a high standard of proof and responsibility, aware that taking action against someone is harming them. It’s doing something they may have to carry with them for a long time and if we take that action wrongly, then we’re hurting someone without reason. At my worst, something I have shown far too much of, I allowed myself to stoop to the lowest standard of a bully, the exact kind of person I so comfortably and openly resent.

The problem with this line of thinking is... you’ve only managed to do it AGAIN. How is that proof of growing or changing?  You can’t even bring yourself to apologize properly, how is anyone to believe that you’ve changed at all?

I am also deeply and truly sorry to the people around me. My friends, both in my free company and not, have shown me a patience and grace that I certainly failed to show others. I am not just glad but lucky to have people around me willing to tell me when I have done wrong and all I can ask is that you not judge them by my worst actions. They and the community we have built together are surely better than I am and I can think of no better testament to that fact than the guidance and tolerance they have shown me.

I can agree with this up to a point.  Obviously most people in your FC are not to blame for your actions.  Though you should probably consider the kind of atmosphere you’ve fostered in your own FC.  Considering the testimony of many ex-,members, you made it pretty awful for them while they were in there.  Be better.  

There’s not a deep, meaningful takeaway I have to offer from any of this. I’m not saying any of this from some place of wisdom other than that of someone recently reminded I am not beyond succumbing to the worst inclinations common to all people, inclinations many people manage to avoid succumbing to themselves.

All I have left to say is that I am sorry. I have before, can now, and will later do better. In turn, all I can ask is that you give me the grace do so.

“I’m only human, folks.  Please leave me alone so I don’t have to really, truly, face up to my actions.”