#she spend the night at my house and we stay up till 2am

[giyuulatte]

in my very own james helps sirius escape his house situation

i’m james

[ezasteral]

it’s literally the asscrack of midnight right now but i felt inspired to make a playlist with a storyline based on invisible string by the amazing @peterbenjiparker !! here is the song analysis/playlist breakdown as well 😩

TRACKS 1-7: the beginning of peter and y/n’s friendship

Flight of the Stars by Zayn - “i go where you go, go through armageddon / i got you” do i need to say more they are always there for each other

goodnight n go by Ariana Grande - reminds me a looot of how peter always swings by her house every night and often sleeps there 🥺

Last First Kiss by One Direction - WHEN Y/N AND PETER MADE OUT WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER AND WERE EACH OTHER’S FIRST KISSES BYE

Me & You Together Song by The 1975 - the second verse reminds me very much of how they’ll marry each other as last resorts and they started talking about their futures, children, and cooking for her shit like that is cute

TRACKS 8-13: after y/n gets her invisible string and finds out it’s connected to peter 😱

iT’s YoU by zayn - yes she finds out it’s peter 🤗

I Don’t Mind by zayn - “i don’t mind falling if it means i get to fly again” y/n doesn’t give up on peter despite her besties telling her to forget about him/cut it off bc she’s willing to wait for him awwhhhh

Best Friend by Jason Chen - “how could i tell you i loved you, when you were so happy with some other [girl]?” HMGWHRBRBRRR

TRACKS 14-26: peter and gwen’s relationship develops and y/n is neglected aw

Till Forever Falls Apart by Ashe and FINNEAS - “if the tide takes california, im so glad i got to hold ya” shes glad that she got to spend all those nights with him before he got with gwen and now she doesn’t wanna do that bc she feels its wrong :,)

ivy by Taylor Swift - “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand taking mine, but it’s been promised to another” he could take away her suffering with a not so simple confession except she thinks that his string is really connected to gwen 🧘🏻‍♀️

Save Myself by Ashe - “right now, i’m just mad over being so mature. if only i was never yours, oh, i could’ve saved myself [from you]” yes y/n (thinks she) is being mature by distancing herself and yah if she was never connected to him in the first place then she could’ve saved herself 😁🙏🏻

Play Pretend by Alex Sampson - “i want you to be happy, but it’s hard to watch you fall again ‘cause now i have to play pretend” -y/n

Friend by Gracie Abrams - “I hate the way you love me and I hate that I still cars, funny how you feel like we could ever talk again- how could you think I’d be your friend?” -y/n

Chosen Last by Sara Kays - GRRR LISTEN TO THE SONG PLZ IT GIVES ME “i’ve always been chosen last and now my best friend chose her over me” VIBES

Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan - y/n lonely girl vibes when peter starts to spend more time with gwen (esp after she started locking her window :,))

Younger by Ruel - “you and me were so, so close, and maybe that’s what hurts the most. it’s out of my hands, i’ve done what i’ve can so i just save my breath” -y/n

TRACKS 27-31: when peter gets sus of y/n, confrontations, and they make up blah blah

quit by LANY - pp telling y/n to just quit running away and Just Talk to him for goodness sake

you! by LANY - “you’re the sun to the moon, you’re my ocean painted blue - i’m nothing without you” -peter

Line Without a Hook by Rick Montgomery - “oh baby i am a wreck when i’m without you, i need you here to stay” / “was it something i said to make you feel like you’re a burden? if i could take it all back i swear that i would pull you from the tide” - peter vibes

I Miss You, I’m Sorry by Gracie Abrams - “and i know you said that we’re not talking, but i miss you, i’m sorry” LITERALLY THEM MISSING EACH OYHER AND THEN MAKING UP PLEASE

and the rest just fit the vibe but yes i hope u enjoy i will be updating as more chapters are released and goodnight bc it is 2am 😇💟 (ps: dear author, i love this fanfic u are very awesome)

[cheeseburgersstuff]

Trouble Sleeping.

I got this idea last night when I couldn’t sleep and since then the worm inside me was telling me to write it….

I wish we all could have Chris to help us sleep 💕😭

•Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: slight smut( just mention) ariana’s songs 👑(in case you don’t like her) (i think i don’t need to remind it😂 i wrote it so it would be shitty AF)

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.

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The quarantine made everyone realize that no matter how much we wish to stay at home, in the end, our workplace, school, college or whatever is the only place we want to be at. Staying at home is just a weekend thing. 

This is what is happening in Evan’s household too. Chris came back from his work, y/n also had to work from home too. The first few days were amazing, being together after a long time, watching movies and cuddles which led to some other stuff.

But she started to feel bored, useless. She surely does work from her job and the daily chores but still staying home all the time was frustrating her. She could not sleep at night feeling like she had consumed a lot of caffeine.

On the other hand, Chris was really enjoying himself. He sometimes visits his mom’s house, spends time with his nieces and nephews. Scott spent half of the time with him. And his nights were perfect too. Well, of course, half of his energy is consumed in his laughter and the other in their activities together.

If he won’t be rocking her world then he would be sleeping. Oh God, that man could sleep anywhere. And y/n would be just laying there watching him with envy.

~

This is what is happening right now too. 2 in the morning and y/n was still wide awake, in his arm, head on his chest. Her mind was empty, there was nothing she could think of but suddenly there were lyrics of random songs. 

She could help but sing. 

I’m so into you

I can barely breath

And all I wanna do

Is to fall in deep

And close ain’t close enough till I make mine

So name a game to play

And we’ll roll the dice

This didn’t end on that, her inner dancer also woke and she started to move but not like she wanted to move because Chris’s arms had engulfed her.

You make me feel like a dangerous women

Something ‘bout, something 'bout, something 'bout you

Makes me wanna do things that I couldn’t

Something 'bout, something 'bout, something 'bout you.

And that’s when Chris started to stir although her voice was horrific enough to wake anyone and the dance moves she was trying to do but Chris’s sleep had beat her terrible singing and dance moves too.

You, you love it how I move you

You love it how I touch you, my one

Lashes and diamonds, ATM machines

You’ll believe God is a woman,Oh yeah

Chris was in that state of sleep where you don’t know the difference between reality and dreams. But that little bit of the sleep he had left was gone when y/n tried to do the famous high notes, which she failed horribly. And that caused him to awake with a jerk like he had a nightmare. y/n gave him an innocent smile like nothing happened. “Are you ok baby?” she dared to ask.

First few seconds Chris could not understand what happened, his brain was just switching on. y/n was just sitting there normally like she didn’t wake her husband up with her terrible singing at 2am. After some moments Chris sighed “ were you singing y/n?”

She narrowed her eyes but then smiled “yes!! Not only singing but dancing too. Well, I was trying to dance, your arms just couldn’t let me d…” “At 2 am?” he cut her checking time on his phone.

“Well I couldn’t sleep and my mind told me to sing so I did. Is that a problem?” she asked as he had offended her.

“Yes, cause I thought I was having a nightmare.” he murmured to himself. “What did you say? Say it out loud to my face,” she said ready to punch him, acting like she was high AF. 

He sighed, he knew she was having trouble sleeping. 

Suddenly he pinned her beneath him and smirked. “Maybe I can help my wife if she can’t sleep.” she groaned “seriously Chris?!!” he raised his eyebrow. 

“Ughh…ok. Maybe this could help me, you know, I could get tired and” she bit her lip. 

Chris groaned and did his work and man, y/n did sleep like a baby after that little help from her husband….

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #334: Amy and Tails' Sibling Bonding Moments (Sonic)

9:00am in the Morning

Tails: (Waking Up and Stretching for the day)

???: Morning, Tails!~

Tails yelped in surprise before rubbing his eyes and sees Amy Happily waving at him from his Touch Screen Phone.

Tails: Amy? Is that you?

Amy: (Smiles Softly) In a Flesh~ Sorry for waking you. I just wanted to tell my own cute little brother a "Good Morning".

Tails: (Chuckles Lightly) You're fine, Amy. I was already a few seconds awake before you Screen-Timed me.

Amy: (Giggles Softly) Neat. Sooooooo I was wondering....If you're free for the rest of the day, maybe we could hangout and stuff.....

Tails: Sure.

Amy: ('Mini Gasps') Really?

Tails: (Smiles Softly) Yeah. I'm pretty free on my end. Plus, I like hanging out with you oddly enough.

Amy: D'awww~ I like spending time with you too, Tails. Even if you are a Lil' Cutie of an Egghead~

Tails: (Chuckles Lightly) I'll take that as a compliment, Rose. So you wanna come over and start our day off together at 12?

Amy: Why of course, my dear little brother of mine. I'll be right there when the time comes. Make sure you make yourself Breakfast before I come by your house, okay? Everyone knows that Breakfast is one of the most important meals of today's society.

Tails: (Rolling his Eyes with a Smile) Okay, mom. I'll get something to eat before I get myself ready.

Amy: Good. Well in that case, I better get myself ready too. Don't wanna keep my Little Brother waiting in the afternoon~ (Playfully Wink at Tails)

Tails: (Chuckles Once More) Guess I'll leave you to it then. Love you, Amy.

Amy: (Smiles Softly) I love you too, Tails. See you soon.

*End Face-Time*

Tails: ('Sigh Happily') Having Amy as a sister is great so far....

.............................................................

1:00pm at a Local Mall

Amy: (Showing Off the new dresses she picked out to Tails) Okay, Tails. I need your thoughts on this. Which if these dresses suit me better? (Shows off one dress) The Bright, Pink Lemonade colored Sunny Dress.....(Shows off another dress) Or the fabulously Blazing Lavender color Long Dress?

Tails: Hmmmm.....Well.... While I am definitely no Fashion Connoisseur myself....But if you really want my honest opinion on this.... I'd say.....I kind of think you would look good both of them.

Amy: Really?

Tails: Yeah. I mean.....Both of the dresses you picked out already looked good on their own right. So I'd say....(Shrugged) Why chose one if you could have both, you know? But again, that's just my own opinion on the matter

Amy: (Look at the two Dresses she picked) Hmmm....those dresses would look really cute on me......(Smiles Brightly) I guess I could buy both of them after all.

Tails: (A Bit Surprised) Wait. Really? You think you have enough money to buy both of them?

Amy: I'd say so. Thanks for your clever thought process, Little Tails~

Tails: Oh umm...No problem, Amy. Glad to help I think.

.......................................................

3:30pm at a Local Restaurant

Tails: So how does it feel to finally dating Sonic after all this time?

Amy: ('Sighs Dreamingly') It's soooo wonderful, Tails~ Being together with My darling Sonic made the happiest girl in the entire world~

Tails: (Chuckles Lightly) I'm really happy for you guys.

Amy: I'm happy for us too~ (Frowns a Little) I really hope I don't mess this up for the both of us, though....

Tails: (Smiles Reassuringly) Don't worry, Amy. I've seen you and Sonic together for a month now and I honestly think you two are wonderful together. Cute even

Amy: (Smiles Softly while Blushing) Thanks, Tails. And hey. I'm sure you'll find yourself a significant other too someday.

Tails: Thanks, but I think I'm good being single for now. Especially after....(Rethinking Everything that happened those days at space....with Cosmo and everything....) You know.....

Amy: (Frowns Again) Oh...You still missed her, do you?

Tails: Yeah............ B-But I'll be alright, Amy. Honest.

Amy: (Gently Hold Tails' hand) Tails, you know that if there's anything you want to talk about, you're always welcome to come to me, right?

Tails: Yeah. I know. (Smiles Softly) Thanks, Amy.

Amy: (Smiles Back to Tails) No problem. (Kiss the top of Tails' Hand) I'll always be there for you, remember?

Tails: (Feeling a Lot Better Now while Chuckling) True Dat, sis.

Amy: (Giggles Softly) Did you just-

Tails: (Smirking Playfully) That I did.

........................................................

9:45pm at Tails' House

Amy: (Watching a Movie with Tails) Enjoying the movie I picked out of us so far, Tails.

Tails: Yeah. Honestly....('Yawning') This this is pretty good so far. ('Yawning')

Amy: (Starts Getting a Little Worried) Tails, are you getting tired already?

Tails: What? No...I don't think so. Why ask?

Amy: Well. You keep yawning every few minutes and whatnot. So- Wait a minute...... Tails.

Tails: Yeah?

Amy: This might be my Big Sister's Intuiting thinking here but....were you by any chance, up all night yesterday?

Tails: Uhhhhhhh.....(Shrugged While Awkwardly Smiling) What makes you say that, sis?

Amy: (Raised an Eyebrow at Tails while Crossing her arms) Tails...........Tell me the truth.

Tails: ('Sigh in Defeat') Alright fine....So I may have stayed up all night just to finish my latest invention...

Amy: For how long?

Tails: Till...............2am.

Amy: (Eyes Widened) 2:00 in the morning?!

Tails: Yeah.......

Amy: Miles Tails Prower, have you lost your mind? That's way past your bedtime, young man!

Tails: I know. I know. I'd really shouldn't stayed up that late. I was only trying to finish the invention. Do a little tinkering and what not.

Amy: ('Sigh') Look, I get you're our Little Genius and all but it's very important to get good night's sleep. Especially when you're just a little kid.

Tails: That is true. I'll try not to stay up late next time, Amy.

Amy: I sure hope not. I don't want my little brother getting tired all day.

Tails: (Chuckles Lightly) Yeah. Yeah. I know.

.....................................................

10:00pm at Tails' Bedroom

Tails: (Laying in his bed) You know, you really didn't have to carry me all the way to my room like that, sis.

Amy: (Pull the Covers onto Tails) I know. But I didn't wanna leave you falling asleep on your sofa. So I might as well carry you here before I leave here for the day.

Tails: ('Sigh Relaxingly') You really are a good Big Sister, Amy.

Amy: (Smiles Softly) I tried my best to be. I had a really great time with you today, Tails.

Tails: (Smiles A little Tiredly) Me too. We should definitely do this again someday.

Amy: We could hangout anytime you want, sweetie. All you have to do is say when.

Tails: How's..... tomorrow sounds?

Amy: (Smiles Brightly) Perfect. But for the mean time.....(Kiss the top of Tails' Forehead) Sweet Dreams, Tails. I love you.

Tails: (Smiles Tiredly) I love you too...A...my....(Sleeps Peacefully)

Amy: ('Sigh Happily') I love having Tails as my little brother.....(Silently Walks out of Tails' room)

Bonus

???: Tails!

Tails: Hm? (Turns to see Cream and Cheese Standing behind) Oh, hey you guys. Didn't quite see you two there. Something's wrong?

Cream: Tails, is it true that you're Amy's little brother now?

Tails: That's right.

Cream: And that you want to be my Big Brother too?

Tails: Of course. I don't mind being an Older Brother to you at all, Cream-

Cream: (Immediately Hugs Tails with joy) Thank you so much, Tails!~ I promise I'll be the best little sister you'll ever have!

Cheese: (Smiles Brightly) Chao, Chao!

Tails: (Heart Starts to Melt once he hugs Cream Back) Awww, Cream~

Amy: (Starts Smirking Playfully at the whole scene) Someone's starting to become a Big Brother today~

Tails: (Turns to Amy while hugging Cream) Amy, you were right. Our little sister really is precious!~

Amy: Told you so~

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@chompycroc

@26shann

@sonicsong182

@scribblehooves

[borusawa]

Hell

A/N: Hey guys, this is a special story. First because it’s a sequel that nobody asked for of heaven. Second because that’s my first angst one shot. The last reason is they’re married in this story and around 26 years old. I enjoyed it though haha. Married BoruSara is life. I dedicate this story to @karinrumi for being such a nice person. Send her a lot of requests, make her work.

Pairings: BoruSara

Beta reader: @abbypdg

Warnings: rated M

Word count: 1,976

No. Sarada could not believe she was having the same talk for what it seemed like the 327th time. Boruto took a deep breath for the 45th time, only that night. They both were in the edge of despair. However, none of them was ready to give up just in that moment, each one in a side of the living room, but both standing far apart.

“We’ve been married for years I cannot believe you’re still complaining over this.” Boruto sat on the couch resting his elbow on his legs, his fingers interlaced with his blond locks.

Sarada huffed. “And I cannot believe you’re still doing the same stupid mistake.”

“Do you really think I’m doing it on purpose?” He raised his gaze to meet hers. “I don’t like to see you that way.” Boruto couldn’t stand one more minute of fighting. They’d been arguing for over a couple hours, even the initial rage and shouting were far gone. By that moment, they were only two people trying to make shit work and failing.

He got up, she shivered. He gave one step towards her, she broke eye contact and looked to the side. He stayed still. Sarada gave all the signs indicating that he should back off, and he knew better than ignoring those.

Boruto took a deep breath for the 46th time.

“Please don’t start this now.” Sarada hissed closing her eyes and placing two fingers on her temples.

“This what?” He started to feel agitated again, for her body language was saying the opposite of what he would like to read that night. Or any night to be fair. He just couldn’t accept that after he just came back from a two-month mission, they would spend their first night together fighting.

She turned to face him, dropping her shoulders and fierce look in onyx iris. “Trying to kiss me to make things fine. I really think we should try to get in a conclusion this time.”

“Fine. I’ll do whatever you want me to.” And again, he sat on the couch with another loud sigh.

“Breathing loud is not helping, you know?” She didn’t even look at him while saying that.

He got up, blue eyes on her once more. “Okay. I can’t touch you, I can’t breathe. What do you want from me then?” Boruto shouted, he couldn’t control the rage bubbling inside of him anymore. Sarada’s eyes widened, she’d never heard him raising his voice to her that way before. He started to agitatedly pace across the room in circles, being observed steadily by the surprised eyes of his wife. He stopped. She gave a small step back. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe this is all that I can be, and I cannot be the perfect guy you expected.” His voice was calmer, but his words were what worried Sarada the most. His gaze fixed on the floor. “But what if it’s you the one projecting too many things into me, things that I cannot be? You want me to be someone I’m not. That’s not fair.”  Realization hit her.

For the first time she was wrong. And she knew that.

After a long silence Sarada sighed. "You know, maybe it's possible to love someone and let go."

"What are you implying by that?" Confusion spread on his face.

"Otherwise we will be going through this over and over again."

"What? I don't..."

Sarada cut him off. "I'll be fine." Boruto sighed as soon as those words came out of her mouth and she started to gather things around in the living room. "I'll be in my office when you need me."

“It’s midnight.” He got closer but that time she didn’t show any reaction.

“I always have work to do.”

She closed the door, he started to think. When the door was closed, she started to cry.

Sometimes love is not enough to keep two people together. He denied it. She was starting to accept.

 The moon was full and glowing in the clear night sky. The streets of the village Sarada swore to protect were now scaring her more than any other thing. Not that she was scared that something might happen to her – she was the Hokage after all – but she couldn’t avoid the strange feeling of being fragile. The cold dark streets kept her from seeing the stars shining galaxies away and even if she looked up, the tears would blurry the view. Her glasses were off at that point, but she could see the Hokage tower getting closer. She wasn’t going to work, of course she couldn’t, Sarada just needed some time alone. The building was quiet. She tried to greet the guards properly but her voice didn’t come out. They looked worried but made no questions. Who would? Everyone in the village knew her private life, therefore her husband’s absence did not go unnoticed by the gossip. They know nothing, they don’t understand but it’s okay. I won’t explain, I don’t need to, she told herself walking up the stairs. She had a great sense that everything they would go through would be worth it if it was for the village. However, she could not avoid the hurt.

Meanwhile, Boruto stayed sitting on the couch at the same position for so long that his body was already feeling numb. He couldn’t move. He could feel the pain in his heart, the wetness on his cheeks and the ache growing in the back of his head though he lost the ability of moving. His mind, on the other hand, was racing. He was incapable to keep track of his own thoughts. They were messy, sad and he felt like he was drowning. Nevertheless, he was sure of one thing: he would not let go, she knew nothing. He would never let go. With that in mind he rushed to the door.

The night sky was still clear and the glowing moon was still on its highest point. When he got to her office, he had a bag on his hands and she was facing the night sky with swollen eyes and giving her back to the door; the only light in the room was provided by the moon and the little stars so visible through the glass of her window. No need for greetings – his presence was noticed ages ago. She didn’t avoid the encounter and that was a good sign. Boruto got closer to her table still facing the back of the chair.

“I brought black tea and dangos for us. Well, for you.” She didn’t give a reaction so he just kept talking while placed the things over the table and poured the tea in two mugs. “I guess the store two blocks away from our house is not 24h anymore.” He heard a giggle so he waited. The silence of the building made the waiting feel longer.

“And what made you guess that?” She whispered.

He smiled just by hearing her soft voice. “I was there and it was closed. It’s only 2am.”

“I like your logic, it’s infallible. Except that today is holiday.”

“Is it?” He got on her side, leaning over the table and handing one mug to her. She took it with no questions and her small smile made him flutter. “Which one of them?” She giggled more. “What?” He smiled.

“I should know it, I guess. But I don’t.” She took a sip of the tea, staring at the sky like it was the last time she would see it. He could only look at her.

“I can’t avoid but notice how beautiful you are under the moonlight like this.” She immediately looked at him and he spotted a small blush burning on her face. “It’s nice to know I still have this effect on you.” Her blush increased and she returned her sight to the sky in order to hide her blush.

That moment was strangely familiar for both of them; the beautiful night sky and a room only enlighten by the moon, the silence trying to hide the anxiety behind every small motion. The feeling that this time something was different.

“I’m sorry for tonight. You must be tired from your mission and I guess I was too stressed from work that I just…”

“We’re fine now, aren’t we? That’s all that matters to me. We just needed to cool down.” Boruto cut her off, getting even closer to her and taking her hands in his, interlacing their fingers. This act made a sweet smile born in Sarada’s face and she looked into his eyes. Those eyes… She promised to love them till the last day of her life.

“It’s been so long since the last time we were together, we shouldn’t have fought.” She got up and hugged him, resting her head on his chest where she could hear his heartbeat and feel the heat emanating from his body; his arms quickly found their way around her.

“Fighting is nice for one reason.”

She departed a little only to see his face. “What would that reason be?” In the deep of her heart, she knew what he was talking about.

He leaned closer and kissed her softly. “You know.”

“Again with this story?” She giggled before closing the distance between their lips. The kiss became heated in no time, making Boruto sit on the desk and Sarada sitting on his lap, spreading her legs. He never answered the question, no words were needed. In no time his hands started to travel her body, bringing them closer.

Out of nowhere he broke the kiss. “I guess we should go home now.”

“For what?” She tilted her head, a playful smirk in her lips.

“To execute a funny idea I have.” Boruto couldn’t avoid the smile while she kissed his neck; he was trying to be the reasonable one among them. But he almost didn’t want to.

“Execute it here.” Sarada said with the sexiest voice he’d ever heard.

“I like the way you’re thinking.” He changed their position, pressing her back against the table. It was 2am, but the night was only starting for them.

It was always like that. They fought, noticed that their love was so much more important than any reason to fight, then they had make up sex and everything ended up okay. Eventually, that would happen all over again, but they would never break apart, that was a largely known fact. After all, the love was there. And love was enough for them, always will be.

…

“Are you hearing this?” One of the two shinobis standing in the Hokage tower’s lobby asked his friend, assigned for the same mission and standing beside him.

With a really troubled face, the second shinobi answered. “Well, if a person is not deaf and is in a 20 meter radius from this building… I guess they can hear it.”

“Do you think she is okay?”

“I’m pretty sure he is not killing her, or else why would she be screaming “Don’t stop”?”

The first shinobi sighed. “I’m so glad I’m not their neighbor.”

“This didn’t keep any of us to hear it either way.” He chuckled a little but became worried again in no time. “Do you think they’ll stop soon?”

The other one frowned before answering. “I thought they would stop the first time they made silence. And all the three times after that.”

They stood in silence for a while, loud moans and screams filling the night air.

“So how is your family?” The second shinobi tried to bring a subject to distract them from the sounds.

“The kids are fine and my…” A specific loud scream took both of them out of track, scared expressions taking control. “Okay, we can’t ignore it.”

“At least we tried.” Both of them nodded with wide eyes.

[princessaurorasdiary]

9/29 Diary

I had an exhausting day with the new kitten.

I was tired at 2am, my mom hadn't gotten much sleep because she was meowing to death in her carrier and couldn't let herself ignore her, so I switched out with her. Wanna know when she let me sleep? 6:30am! More than 4 hours after I was tired, and by that time I felt like I was gonna pass out from exhaustion. Plus, I only got her to calm down in her carrier by sleeping with my face next to the carrier door. When I got woken up after less than 2 hours of sleep, I went and got mom because she almost never sleeps past 8 and I was correct, she was awake. Then I slept till 4pm in my moms bed, which means I only got like 7 hours of mostly un-interrupted sleep. I have her in her carrier for the night rn, she seems more chill tonight then last night luckily. The playpen comes tomorrow, so it'll be easier to take care of her when she won’t be trying to hop off the bed and run under shit lol The girls bedroom is set up for a cat to be safe in, the living room fucking isn't But she'll be out here for at least 2 weeks as we introduce them, maybe more Also my period started, so yay fucking me eigh?

We’ll be de cluttering the living room tomorrow, we just have to be extra careful because she got fixed yesterday and they told us not to let her so under stuff or get stuck anywhere cause we can’t be touching or grabbing her stomach rn, and if you’ve ever gotten a cat from under something, you would now it’s hard to not touch there stomach lol

mom took over with the kitten this morning at 8am so I could sleep for more than an hour and a half, but when I woke up at 4pm I woke up on my period, with cramps. So then I spent 3 hours in a hot af bath. So poor mom was on shift with the kitten for 12 hours. It’s not like I did it on purpose, I don’t control my periods lol. But now she didn’t get to make her phone calls so I gotta wake up early and watch her most of the day.

You might be saying ”But Aurora, what about your brother? Can’t they watch her for an hour or 2?” Oh, they fucking COULD, but fucking WON’T. One of them is mad mom got a cat, my autistic brother is acting like he’s incapable of sitting on a bed and simply grabbing her and putting her back on the bed if she hops down. and My twin who spends hours on the porch is mad that mom, who wants to be the main mommy to the kitty isn’t sitting with the cat 24/7.... As if she doesn’t need to sleep, or eat, or do chores, or make phone calls to pay bills and keep a roof over our heads and running water and electricity in our house. So yeah, me and mom are on our own, cause the only other person is blind and special needs. It’ll be easier when her play pen comes in the mail tomorrow.

One good thing is, she seems to understand now that we would like her to stay on the bed please.... so she... does? I don’t know how she’s so smart, but she is! thank you considerate kitty :)

[murderous-coffeebean]

Robbie’s Happy Memories

Finally, here it is! My (mainly) digital LazyTown animation! It is set 10 years after the events of the TV series, so please keep that in mind. ^^

For a detailed explanation of the different panels/pics (aka sort of a fic), as well as technical info, please check the “read more”. ^^

This is by far the biggest art project I've ever worked on (only somewhat comparable to The Mikey Comic Series, tbh), so feedback is not only highly appreciated, but also asked for! Please let me know what you think about it! Thank you! ^^

I hope this video will make you smile. ^_^

Lazytown © Magnús Scheving art © Murderous-Coffeebean [deviantART] Please do not trace nor repost this here on tumblr or elsewhere; thanks. 

~ * ~ INFO ABOUT THIS WORK ~ * ~ -------------------------------------------------------------- Panel Explanation/Fic (Note: The video itself is set 10 years after the TV series.) We start off with Robbie, sitting at the floor of his home, looking through a photo album. The front of it reads "Myndaalbúm", Icelandic for "photo album". He arrives at a photo that makes him pause and smile, and we see the photo album tumbling down. The first photograph we see is of Robbie, Sportacus and Stephanie having a conversation in the "early days". They are having fun; Sports and Stephanie probably just looked through one of Robbie's plans and now are teasing him a bit about it (Robbie, at this point, isn't outraged, surprising to himself). The next photograph we see is of Stephanie; she is smiling or laughing, and pointing at something, her hair moving in the wind. Robbie is still growing to like the kids at this point, but sometimes he actually stays around when he crosses their path or the other way around, and they realize they can actually have fun together (not that Robbie'd admit it. He's no flippity-floppety sports elf after all :P ). The next photograph we see is from Ziggy's birthday. Robbie had no problem to grow fond of the small boy as he started to grow a bit older (a bit being a year, but yeah). He likes that he's not the only one in town appreciating candy and all things sweet, and of course even he knows what Ziggy's favorite candy is. :D Next we see an image of Sportaflop- when again did he start to like this flipping-around elf so much?? Around this time, when they started becoming friends? Robbie wonders. (But, if he's being completely honest with himself, he knows that it was much earlier than this picture was taken already.) On the next two photographs we see Stingy giving presents to other people. The first one, not as willingly yet. (It's a "Best Of" album of one of Trixie's favorite bands for her birthday.) Then, we see him (much more easily by then) handing a birthday gift to Robbie, Ziggy and Stephanie smiling in the background. In the next photograph, we see Pixel playing a video game. Not visible is Robbie sitting next to him. The clock shows that it's 2am, but neither of them could sleep, so they are spending some time playing video games together. [This lovely scene was inspired by @sportaboob’s wonderful fanfic "Hand-holding in the key of Lazytown"! <3 ] The next three photographs we see are (in slow-motion) Sportacus and Robbie, the sports elf hugging his villain friend (/crush?). Robbie is surprised- Sportacus was thanking him for something (likely for keeping an eye on the kids as he had to save the mayor from accidentally hurting himself). But he did not see the grateful and tight as heck hug coming. There's tears forming in his eyes; it's been forever since he's last been at the receiving end of a hug. The next scene is when the kids are all young teenagers already; they and Robbie treat each other like family by now, and sometimes he lets them crash on his couch. This was the first time that happened though; the kids had been to a concert together (with Robbie to take care of them), and when Sportacus (who had picked them all up with his airship and brought them back to Lazytown again) had stopped to let Robbie get home, the kids had been so sleepy already, Robbie had just grumbled a bit (because he was really exhausted, as well) but had just waved his hand at Sportacus, and the elf had carried the kids downstairs so they could rest, before letting their families know he and Robbie would bring them home once they'd gotten a good night's sleep. In the next picture we see the kids running across a field, playing catch maybe, as the sun sets. Sportacus is probably tagging along, as always, but so is Robbie by then. He likes spending time with his new found family, and he's outside much more these years now. The next photograph we see is of the first apple Robbie voluntarily ate (and enjoyed :D). Yes, it's on a pedestal. It's Robbie, after all, and Sports and the kids are proud of him, so. Why not? :P Next, we're back in the present for a bit. We see one of Robbie's eyes, and a tear drop starts running down his face as he turns the page and sees the next picture: It's a photograph of him with the people he is closest to. There's Pixel, Stephanie, and Trixie, who are about to go off to college together soon; there's Stingy who has crouched down a bit to fit into the photograph next to Ziggy, whom he ended up becoming close friends when they became teenagers; and there is Sportacus in (more) casual (but still sports) wear for once, standing next to Robbie. They were, as per usual, having a great time when the photograph was taken, and Robbie (just as he is, looking at this photograph again and reminiscing right then) had one of these moments where he could hardly believe how lucky he was to have all of them in his life. The tear drop that was rolling down Robbie's cheek now falls down on the floor, and he smiles, still looking at the photograph of his family. A shadow is approaching from behind, and Robbie knows whom it is, even before the person utters a word. It's Sportacus, putting a hand on Robbie's shoulder as he's bending forward to see what Robbie is doing, and he greets him: "Hi, Robbie! What are you doing?" with a smile on his face. Sportacus looks at him fondly as Robbie first replies "Nothing..." but then goes to add: "... just getting nostalgic looking at old memories, I guess..." Sportacus crouches down to sit next to Robbie and mutters "Oh.", as his gaze finally falls on the family picture Robbie had been looking at before. He asks Robbie "... can I join you?", and Robbie just rises his eyebrow as he smiles and replies: "Sure." Robbie reaches to flip to the next page of the photo album, still lying on the floor in front of him and Sportacus. The page on the left reads one word in capital letters: "HEIM". [Icelandic for "HOME"] Finally, we see the image on the right, the last page of the photo album: It's Robbie's new home. A beautiful, somewhat curved house with flower pots on each side of it, and a tree on one side of it. The sun is shining down on it, and a sign over the front door reads, for old times' sake: "Robbie's Lair" in a fancy font. In front of the house, there's a doormat. It reads "Welcome". ♥ Technical Info This is a months-long work of love and learning through failing and trying again. I originally started this out as a random idea I had one night in January, and ended up drawing out the storyboard till 2am that day after I had found a piece of music I wanted to go with. I started with the animation process the next day already, if I recall correctly, already making more detailed notes about how the frames were supposed to go along with the music. I worked on this till the end of the Christmas break, and then continued woring on it a bit during the rest of the winter semester, before diving into this project some more during the semester break in spring. I started putting this together piece by piece in Moviemaker (as, due to my change of university, I didn't have Premiere on my hands anymore and had to find my way through Moviemaker now) and learned some about it as I went, as well. I only recently added the title card, title, and watermark, but the rest of the animation was all created during a working phase of about 3 months. The storyboard was drawn on yellow paper; I converted the remaining scenes I did not get around digitalizing to b'n'w so they wouldn't stand out. All of the digital frames are drawn in PaintTool SAI using the linework layers and tool. I had not worked a lot with them before this project, so it really was quite a challenge to finally do so, and do all of the animation this way. It was worth it though, and for all the trouble it caused me during this project, the advantages of easily editing lines again made up for it again. ^^

(Also, re: one of the last panels just for a sec: I know that “Just getting nostalgic looking at old memories” isn’t grammatically correct, but I wanted that line to work with the animation’s title itself, so. Just fyi.)

--------------------------------------------------------------

And with this, I’m releasing this child of mine to the internet. Please treat it kindly, I hope it will spread a smile on some of your faces. :)

[theblondegoesabroad]

Update from New Zealand 13

Monday 6th January 2020 

 So it’s the new year. 2020. A good year I think. The numbers look promising. The start of a new decade. And what a decade it shall be. I brought in the new year as most do, way too drunk and ecstatically happy. And then spent the first day of the year feeling sorry for myself, making resolutions to drink less and napping in the shade! But hey it was a wonderful night. I spent a lot of it with mum and dad and let Jamie and his friends hang out at the Bach. We had dinner at one of our neighbours, they put on a spit-roasted pig and invited everyone in the bay, they sorted all the food, all we had to do was bring a chair and drinks. It was a lovely evening and it was nice to hang out with the locals. We then headed over to the foxes. Another family friends. Murray who was their with his wife and friends was Dads friend at the lake when they were growing up then flat mate when they were a bit older and best man at their wedding so we have known them well for a long time! It was great to catch up and have a laugh with them over a glass of bubbles! Then we went home, mum and dad headed over to some other friends and I stayed with Jamie. We had great fun, it’s such a cool group of people. At midnight the fireworks were incredible as usual but even though I have seen them so many times growing up they will never seize to amaze me. It’s a decent 20-30 minute display of professional fireworks. It’s the whole nine yards and then some! A truly great way to bring in the new year. Then it got slippery, there were lots of shots done and we all ended up on the back deck listening and singing along to guitar. I finally took myself to bed around 3 - and that was my night! 

The days following have been relaxing, Gran and Deeda came back to the lake on the 1st, just after Jamie and his mates left. I think it total we had 15 of Jamie’s friends down here. They all packed up and we had about 15 minutes of silence before the next guests arrived. However our new guests - Gran and Deeda - defiantly don’t make too much noise nor stay up till 2am each night so decidedly much quieter! We spend the days in the sun, doing a few jobs in-between book reading time and wine-o-clock. It’s been lovely! And we have definitely had some laughs! One day one of Gran and Deeda’s friends came around and was saying how much dad looked like deeda (in a certain light apparently) and deeda immediately piped up and said: “oh gosh well you couldn’t get much luckier than that!” Oh to be that confident when your 85! 

We have been flat tack with home improvements before the renters arrive. We are renting the Bach for most of January which will hopefully help to pay the bills. Everyone has been helping out, moving things, downsizing cupboards filled with 40 years of stuff, cutting wood, moving wood, gardening, cleaning the boat, the list goes on. But the list slowly decreased in size. Although in typical dad fashion he was adding to it just about as fast as we could cross them off! But the lake house looks great. It’s also great to do jobs around the place and when as soon as you get hot you can jump into the lake to cool down. 

I guess with my New Years post, all be it a late one, I should probably do the usual goals and dreams for this next year. Some are quite personal but I shall share the big ones. Which honestly - don’t change much from year to year! I’m a creature of habit which may have extended into my New Years resolution making! That doesn’t mean they are easy though. I am known for holding myself to extremely high standards which aren’t always that healthy! But I guess they work for me so I may as well continue with them. So. Here we go. 

I guess the first thing on my mind for this year is my new job. I am quite nervous about starting a new job, with a different team, different work ethic, different structure, in a different country and a different language. Although I love Belgium and am reasonably good at french. (Side note - improving my french is always on the goal list too. But this year I might actually make some major groundwork on this goal) Working there shall be difficult I am sure. But I’m good with challenges and am keen to push myself in this new opportunity as it could honestly be the job of my dreams. Fingers crossed it is. So I guess number one is enjoy and make the most out of my new job. Sounds simple but I have a feeling in difficult moments I will need to recall on this inner strength. I think this substitutes my goal for the last four years of doing well in uni, keep my grades up and get first-class honours. I guess I finally crossed that one off the list so hopefully, this one goes just as well. 

Secondly, which is usually first on the list for the last 5+ years, is to be happy. This sounds like a simple goal but for me, it is an important one and has been for a long time. Although life can be hard and it is so easy to get caught up in downward spirals a quote I heard years ago comes to mind every New  Years when I think about my goals. And it goes something like - we always have a choice in a situation, sometimes it is as simple as a choice of attitude. That was horribly paraphrased for the original but I hope you get the gist. To me, a smile and happy outlook on life goes a long way. So ever since I started writing down my goals each year. This has been a big one. 

 Another traditional goal for me and just about everyone one else in the world on January the 1st is to stay fit. So thirdly, my variation is to keep climbing. (Aka don’t let Paul get better than me- which at the moment. He’s climbing and I’m not so I think I’m in for a shock next month!) and if all goes well climb a 7a. Last year my goal was similar. But it involved a gym. Climbing is much more fun! I have always loved staying active and it is helped me immensely with reducing my stress levels and improved my outlook on life in general. Sport - in any form - is good for the soul. I used to go to the gym religiously 6am five times a week. But ever since Benoit introduced me to climbing I’ve been hooked. I’m extremely competitive with myself and as I said before I set high standards for myself so I honestly fit so well into this sport. I also don’t really enjoy competing against others (apart from some healthy rivalry with Paul) so climbing is perfect. I love the complexity of it and how it is mental just as much as it is physical. I hope New Zealand jumps on the climbing bandwagon soon. 

Anyway, those are my main goals, along with a lot of insight into them! I guess I was in an explaining mood/had a lot of time at the lake to write this. I’m home now briefly (we’re heading up north again soon) and am off to help out around the house after a long time away the new list of jobs is growing! 

Love Kate xxxx

P.s. Buddy has been missing for two days, so we are a bit worried about her, usually, she is grumpy at us when we get home and can’t stop complaining about being left on her own so hopefully she is just giving us the silent treatment and will return home soon. I’ll update you as soon as I know more!

[attract-mode-collective]

Memories Of Mom & Dad Playing Video Games

So no game culture wrap up this week, due to aforementioned on-going health related complications. Nothing serious, though it’s been enough for me to not only miss the majority of Death By Audio Arcade’s latest shindig, Deathmatch By Audio IX (perhaps some of you might recall my mention of XIII), but I also have to sit out on DBAA’s upcoming appearance at the Smithsonian this weekend. And that sucks.

At the very least, I’m able to catch a screening of the one film that truly encapsulates the New York City experience, that being the criminally underrated Bill Murray vehicle Quick Change, with the girlfriend. I should also be able to post something this Sunday, which is somewhat of a special day for Attract Mode, but more on that later.

In the meanwhile, wanted to share something that caught my eye on Reddit, the image above obviously. Not surprisingly, what results are various folks sharing their own fond memories, of mom or dad playing video games. Here are the stand outs…

“In 1989 my parents got divorced. I was 6. My dad went to go stay with a friend who had a kid my age, and we went there on nights we visited him.

One night I was sleeping in my friends room, my dad woke me in the middle of the night and brought me downstairs.

He and his buddy had been stuck on World 2-1 in Super Mario Bros for an hour, and had eventually got so frustrated that waking the kids seemed like the appropriate course of action

I cleared the level for him and went back to bed.”

-

“I was about 6 or 7, my step-dad had rented SMB2 for me. He eventually pried me away and sent us to bed that evening. When I woke up the next day, I found my 4yr old sister playing, and she was in a level I'd never seen before. Next thing I know, she was battling Wart. I knew this thanks to Nintendo Power. I watched in complete amazement as she battled him, but then I realized her movements weren't quite syncing up with what I was seeing on screen.

That's when I realized I'd been had. My step dad had stayed up until 5am beating the game and recording it on VHS - then set my sister up for the ultimate prank. He really had me going for awhile.

Another time he found a clipart collection of popular commercial logos and started sending out letters on official looking letterhead. He sent his cousin one from Coors about getting to attend the SuperBowl, and sent me one from Nintendo saying I'd been selected to beta test their upcoming 32-bit system. It had a secret code I was supposed to use when I called the number on the paper. I ended up calling a vitamin company and repeating my passphrase to one very confused customer service rep.”

-

“I remember my mother waking me on a school night at 2am to watch her kill Chaos in FF. That was pretty cool.”

-

“Dad bought a Gameboy in the early 90s for my brother and I to keep us quiet on road trips (it didn't work cos he only bought one...) And my mom got hooked on Tetris. Most of the accessories we got were bought by mom. Battery pack..a bigger battery pack. The light. The magnifier. All of it so she could keep playing Tetris.

Little while later we got Dr Mario for NES and mom got hooked on that too. I still remember the last time my mom ever played a video game. It was 7am on a Wednesday morning. I walked into the den and there she was sitting on the floor, playing Dr Mario.

‘Mom where's breakfast’

‘What're you doing up? What time is it!? Oh my god!’

She'd played Dr Mario for the entire night. She called in sick to work so she could sleep, and traded the game in for credit at a local game store the next day. Never touched Tetris again either.”

-

“I remember one of the first games I got for N64 was Star Wars: Shadow of the Empire. Sometimes when I'd get stuck on a level I'd ask my dad to beat it for me. I don't think he really liked video games or anything - I'm sure he'd much rather have played catch or something outside - but he'd play for hours to beat those levels for me because he wanted to spend time with me and my brothers, and that's what we wanted to do. It's one of the fondest memories I have of him. Anyway, at some point I asked him to beat the sewer level for me, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't take down that tentacle boss. Then one day I managed to do it for myself. After that I knew what I had to do. I killed him and took his place as ruler of the family. Old man shouldn't have shown weakness.”

Now, this isn’t the first time that such imagery has been shared in such a forum, far from it. And still to this day, my absolute favorite example (as evidenced by the fact that I’ve written about it multiple times, for multiple places, so it’s finally Attract Mode’s turn) remains the time some dude came home to discover his mom drunk and playing Link To The Past, around 2 in the morning. Which he also had to take a picture of and share on the internet. Naturally…

And here we have my favorite responses from that, the ones that are not quite so vulgar…

“I’m just going to say it, I’d bang your mom.”

“I played A Link to the Past with my mom when I was a kid. I used to come home from school and she would tell me about all the progress she made while I was gone. >:c”

“Sweet CRT man.”

“my mom was playing Ducktales when I was conceived.”

“HEY OP THANKS FOR TAKING A SEXUAL PUIC OF YOUR MOM. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK EVERYONE WHO USES THIS SITE”

“Dude, clean your house.”

“Marry her”

“Seriously, Plasma and LCD prices are so cheap now. Buy a new tv, there is no excuse. A buddy and his wife had that exact tv until may this year. I got so sick of watching hockey on it at their place I went to best buy and dropped 800 on a new 50 inch plasma for them just so we could have a proper hockey party. Really people the 90′s are over it’s time to ditch the crt.”

“COMMENTS SUMMARY: EVERYONE WANTS TO FUCK YOUR MOM.”

Oh, so back to the original subject, that being folks sharing stories about a parent playing a Game Boy… I’ve got one of my own.

It was Christmas time, 1996. Up till that point, I was a freshman in art school, in New York City, my first significant chunk of time away from home. But instead of flying back to Washington State, to spend the holidays with my parents, I instead went down south to Louisiana. You see, there was this girl from high school that I was friends with, and we were just friends… until I began to develop feelings during our long phone conversations, which sprung from both of us being homesick in college (she was attending some major school in the midwest).

So the plan was for me to spend time with her, at her parents, who had just relocated down south (since it was a military household, they were reassigned). I came up with a bullshit cover story to my dad, about how I got a gig on a Rugrats motion picture, hence why I was staying put in NYC (it’s worth noting that my first legit job in school was being a telephone psychic and I accidentally predicted The Rugrats Movie years before it actually happened, yes sayin’). I had assumed that my holidays would be spent a close friend from back home, who wasn’t my girlfriend, but would become one.

Well, that didn’t quite happen. I would discover in the most awkward way possible that she didn’t feel that way about me, and early on into my two week stay. So to pass the time, I ended up just playing Game Boy… as in, I played with her dad’s Game Boy. And quite a bit. Tetris was the game, which her dad was obsessed with it. Him and I would pass it back and forth, to top each other’s high scores. The old man basically felt sorry for me;  he knew why I was there, i.e. to have sex with his daughter, but because I was so clearly crestfallen from being rejected, he tried his best to keep me distracted.

Though it’s a safe bet that he would have figured out other ways to keep me occupied if his daughter was indeed into me. Though in the end, I’m happy to say that my Game Boy Tetris skills are so good that it’s enough to beat a legit 4 star general in the United States Army.

Don’t forget: Attract Mode is now on Medium! There you can subscribe to keep up to date, as well as enjoy some “best of” content you might have missed the first time around, plus be spared of the technical issues that’s starting to overtake Tumblr.

[jsmcl]

Lessons I’ve learned from this trip:

1. Always buy your own ticket. It sounds like a simple thing but it can happen. Imagine having a friend that is so excited for you to come visit that she buys your ticket for you five minutes after you let her know you got the time off from work. Yeah, that’s why I’m in Florida right now, avoiding her at a Starbucks. To be fair I did agree earlier to her request to pay for part of my ticket because I’m broke, I didn’t think that would mean having no control of the itinerary. She got me the earliest flight the first day and the latest flight the last day for a nine day trip. I wanted a 4-7 day trip with rest days on either end. Plus she bought the extreme economy tickets so I have no power over changing flights or flying standby, none.

2. Keep all important information easily accessible on your phone, without data especially. That means the address of where you’re staying, the code to get in, locations of the places you plan on visiting, etc. I was out one night with another friend that traveled with me out here and we wanted to eat  because it was 1 am and we were drunk. However my friend that invited us out, bought my ticket, let us stay at her place, and was our one and only guide for the area had already left the bar with some guy she had met. Now we’re two non-locals drunkenly wandering around not knowing where we are, only knowing that we had agreed on waffle house earlier in the day. We eventually meet up and eat but now its 2am and us travelers want to sleep. So again our host leaves with the guy to hit another bar and we are left to find the address of her house in our messages that was sent days ago and this place doesn’t have the best cell service. We eventually find our way back only to drunkenly guess the code to the door because we only remember the four digits and not the order.

3. Turn on location sharing with the people in your group. This comes in handy so much when you get separated in an unfamiliar place or when your host is always gone. Several nights on this trip, our host went home with that guy she met, which wasn’t a problem until after my other visiting friend left and I was alone. Cut to that Saturday afternoon after spending the morning out on a boat with my host, her new guy, and his friends. Cut to waking up on the floor in his apartment, still drunk, still wet, surrounded by his friends passed out among the room snoring so loud. Drunk me knew only one train of thought in this moment, I had to get out of here. So I message my friend and tell her I need to go, I just need to, I can’t be here and I don’t know where she is. She tells me to take an uber and that she’s in the next room. I quickly find her place and get one, leaving the apartment and jumping a fence to get to the car (She later told me that she was going to accompany me back to the house on that uber but failed to tell me in her message, and instead took a shower thinking I would wait for her to finish before I left). One 70 dollar uber ride and a two hour nap later, I wake up alone and hungover in the house. Despite texting and calling her, I don’t get any response so start planning a way to search for her, putting together something to tell her roommates when they got home the next day, as well as putting together an alibi and a ride to the airport just in case. Eventually I realize she's sharing her location so I could at see her dot moving across the map of Destin from bar to bar, to apartment, restaurant, to bar to apartment etc. that night and the next morning, so I knew that she was alive...or at least her body was being moved. I don’t see her again till 5pm the next day and she says she was so hungover she slept all last night and that morning and was definitely not out with her friends that whole time.

4. Keep all important items with you at all times. Sounds like another no-brainer but just wait till you’re only wearing board shorts without pockets and therefore keep your wallet, ID, cash, and every goddamn charger you brought on this trip in a backpack. This is related to number four because I LEFT THAT BACKPACK IN HER CAR! So not only do I believe my friend and host on this trip is possibly dead and I’m all to blame because I left her, but my important stuff is not with me. How do I make it through airport security without my ID? I’m now stuck in Florida until she arrives or I find her car and break in. I suggest sewing an extra ID, cash, a credit card, and a lightning cable to the skin on your thigh, just in case. Why not a phone? I maybe dumb enough to leave my important stuff behind but not dumb enough to leave NECESSARY items behind.

5. Have a backup plan...in extra money. Seriously, I should have picked up extra shifts or something before I left, money gets you freedom, boy. First off, lets say that your host, the one that was so excited for you to come out that she bought your ticket without your permission, gets bored of you five days in. With some extra emergency savings you could take a 15 dollar uber to the closest Starbucks and just spend all day there, mooching off their wifi instead of waiting for her to get off of work while hanging out with her roommates, the married couple who actually owns the house and has their own life to deal without you, until your friend is off work and then sits around on her phone until she's hungry and you both get dinner (That’s why I’m at a Starbucks now). With more money you can just go to a motel or an airbnb and enjoy the last days of your vacation without the constant feeling like you’re ruining their(your friend, her roommates, and the employees at Starbucks) day with your presence. You could also get a rental car and have the freedom of travel. If I had one, I’d take it to the beach and spend the whole day there, after all the beaches here in Destin are beautiful and you can legally drink on them. Instead, your friend asks what you want to do that afternoon so you say, “let's go to the beach.” So she drives you both to the beach for a fun day but gets a text halfway there saying her friends are at a pool with their kids so now you're both going there, even though you had agreed on the beach, you don’t like kids, and you don’t like those friends. Hell, even with some extra money you can take more of those 70 dollar uber rides like when you both go out for Hibachi under the pretense of not staying out late or drinking that much because SHE wants to cut back and, thanks to another text while driving, instead end up at the local Margaritaville because that guy she’s been staying over with, he and his friends are there drinking so now you’re tagging along on another bar hopping night till 4am.

6. Sunscreen, always bring your own. This was entirely my fault. I believed my friend when she said she had enough when I wanted to buy some. Pro-tip, if you’re white and your friend is dark, they will never have enough sunscreen that your flammable skin needs. I now have a red nose and raccoon eyes and still have a day to go.

[ecotone99]

[NF/MF] 2am

It was dark and silent as I sat internally screaming at myself for denying my need for an early night. I had been planning this for the entire week, the earlier I could fall asleep the less time I had to sit and dwell on the dare. It was going to be hard already to sleep that night, because five years before to the day still haunts me in reality and in nightmares.

I sat on my bed in the pitch black of winter nights just hoping for a distraction, looking back I only wish that distraction could have been a positive one. But then the text came through to my phone and as soon as I saw it I swallowed my wishes for a distraction with a bitter taste.

Have you ever sat, at 2am on a Thursday morning, trying to talk your best friend off a ledge. Maybe you did it at 4pm on a Saturday afternoon. Maybe even 9am on a Wednesday morning. So many times that you can’t even count them on all your fingers and toes, but it still kills off a piece of your soul every time. It’s not a literal ledge. That would have been easier. I could have flung my arms around her and clung on for dear life. The mental ledge is so much harder, so much more unpredictable. That ledge she so often balances on the edge off is why I feel guilty visiting home, because when I’m home I can't be there to sway her back to safety. I can’t grip her in my cuddles and stroke her hair and shush the voices back down by telling her its' okay.

This particular 2am on a Thursday morning was a hard one, you see something in particular my best friend struggles with is coping with death. Ironically nobody in her family had ever died. She was so scared of it happening, spending more time fearing them not being there, than being present in life itself. And it was at 2am, on this particular morning, she had one of her moments. A moment where she needs pushing further back from the ledge, and as the tears streamed down my face, and I felt my fingers tiptoeing across the keys as if I was barefoot, and finding my way through a glass room. The slightest slip could draw blood.

This particular 2am on a Thursday morning, I was over 100 miles away, trying to comfort her over text as she poured her deepest fears to me, frightened of life after someone else’s death. She desperately believed she had to die before her grandma and granddad, and she was even surer that it wouldn’t be long. As she clawed at her mind, I clawed at mine, because on that day when she had a moment, I had one too.

The biggest difference, she was mourning a possibility, a what if. I was already mourning what had. On that Thursday morning at 2am, the 6 year anniversary of my grandma’s death had already caused my heart to ache. I didn’t share this with her. In fact outside my family not a soul knew of this date. So she wasn’t to blame. But the pressure was pushing down on my shoulders as I tried to explain, how it becomes a manageable pain, which it does, except on memorable dates. And that date, was about as memorable as it gets.

Now its 2:45am and we've progressed a little and I think I may have helped subdue the urges, knocking them back down, for a week or even just for a day. But we’re mid conversation and she hasn’t replied in 8 minutes and my brain is on fire at all the possibilities, as hard as I try to be rational I sit in my pyjamas in a cold dark room, clutching my car keys trying to fight the urge to race to her, from over 100 miles away. Firstly because I know she'll reply as soon as I hit the M62. Secondly because I don't even know her address, she comes to my house for the distraction, and we avoid her house in fear of a trigger. The third reason, if anything had happened, if she’s done anything, I’d be too late. And I’d rather live in denial than regret.

When it hits 16 minutes since she last replied I message again, telling her anything and everything I can to remind her that she is strong and brave and just anything I can to make my voice louder than the ones that play in her mind like it’s a circus and she’s the clown that everyone uses as a target. She might be vulnerable, but her strength usually counteracts it, and for that I'll be forever thankful.

After another 30 minutes I don’t know what to do and I’m trying to calm down but I can feel the panic rising through my throat like bile and its at the point I’m happy the acid is burning through my tonsils because right now its firing me up enough to stay awake. Even if its to panic I have every possibility running through my mind and every worry possible. Is this my fault? Could I have said something more to help? If she has done something have I made the wrong decision by staying home and not knocking on every door in her neighbourhood?

Now its 4am and I'm still awake because the tiredness has evaporated and the now the tears are just fuelling the fear because I’m scared to go to sleep, and wake up to bad news. If I don’t sleep I don’t have to wake up to that text or missed call telling me there’s been another incident . I don’t want to skip the hours sleeping sound when I can stay awake and prepare myself for dealing with her parents heartbreak.

Its 5:39 and I’ve messaged our other best friend telling him how scared I feel and just hoping that he’ll know what to do. He doesn’t. He stays with me in panic but then he has to go to work leaving me in my pit of despair, wrapped in my quilt with the edges sodden with tears.

Now it’s 6:12 and I’ve messaged her 43 times with no response and the tears have dried but the knots in my stomach have tightened and I don’t think I can breathe. My phone battery light flickers to alert me its in need of charge, leaving me sitting in the corner of my room too scared to let it to go dark and miss a message.

It’s 7:45 and I’ve texted her parents trying to be nonchalant asking about an assignment and her phone being dead so can they get her to text me in the hopes that they’ll walk into her room and check before telling me she’s still sleeping and I’ll finally be able to sleep but the message stays unread and by now they’ve already left for work assuming she’s sleeping soundly. I still don’t know.

When I see a glimpse of the clock again it’s 8:14 and I’ve checked how long it’s been since she’s been active on Facebook about three hundred times and it still hasn’t changed as the hours that pass so slowly mock me.

Now it’s 10:38 and my phone vibrates again, my eyes barely staying open as they flicker over the text.

“sorry hun, fell asleep, was just having a bad night... thanks for being there. Love ya xx”.

My eyes can finally close as I know she’s safe and all I can do is be thankful that this is over for another night. As much as I hope I’ll never have to relive this I already know it wont be long till another restless night leaves us both immobilised in fear. I can only hope it ends in the same positive way.

No matter what happened, I'd always be there to help.

submitted by /u/jodieleighda96x [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2BtM6TC

[amuelle]

Hello 2020…

I don’t believe in love at first sight…I do however believe in love at first click.

First click: the moment you realise that you just enjoy being around someone, you don’t need anything else other than their presence to be happy.

23:00 I caught myself mesmerised. The world was absolutely still as if it was the witching hour. Looking out over a packed dance floor in a dimly lit night club I knew I was in trouble. He was drunk dancing with this big goofy smile on his face. Everything that had mattered before this moment didn’t matter anymore. All my deal breakers, insecurities and doubts had vanished. I had stopped thinking rationally days ago. Rules didn’t exist anymore. All I knew was I was here and it didn’t matter how I got there. The walls had crumbled and I couldn’t remember the last time I had any sense. I knew this feeling. I had felt it once before. It scared me and I wanted to contain myself but I couldn’t. I was caught up and it was incredible.

It had been four days since I felt the sense slowly leave my body. He had forced me to take his number and I had no intention to use it but something told me to. He love bombed me day and night. Video calls, check in texts, random calls two minutes apart and we always played you hang up first. I thought it was all in my head. Till the night he was on my stoep and said he wanted to be with me then asked me what I wanted and I rolled my eyes and responded “You”.

The first time we met I had been offish and bruised his ego before I caved because he was persistent. He asked me where I lived and like the idiot I was clearly becoming I told him. He called to say he was coming but got lost and I had to fetch him. There, wearing daisy dukes on what felt like the hottest day of the summer, sweating through my t-shirt. I went to find a man at the Pot Shack on the corner. He was on the phone when I found him and my whole body froze when I saw him.  I had forgotten how tall he was. He got off the phone, apologised for not bringing me any chocolate but hoped that the bottle of wine he brought would suffice. He grabbed my little hand and from the pit of my stomach came the stupid butterflies. That was the last moment when I had sense.

I had over thought it six ways from Sunday and today was Tuesday. I was heading to Afro Punk with my girlfriends. He had sat in my living room as I showered, ironed my dress and put on my makeup. He had been pleasant and got along with every visitor who passed through my apartment that day. The time came for us to leave and head to the first stop on route to the concert. There he would meet more friends and cuddle up with me on the couch and express repeatedly that I should have tried to convince him harder that he should get tickets for tonight.  The thought to change my plans for the night crossed my mind. I didn’t budge. If he was worth it, really worth it then I could live my life unapologetically and he would be right there if here is where he wanted to be.

The time came for us to part ways, he had already confessed that the reason he hadn’t left and endured the torture of 5 women getting ready to go out was because there was nowhere he would have rather been. He just wanted to be with me and it was a ploy to spend time with me. He offered to pick me up when I was done but since my original plan hadn’t included him I wasn’t going to change it or potentially ruin a fantastic experience. After a lengthy, drawn out good bye we parted ways. Perhaps we would see each other again or this was the last day we had been given to enjoy each other’s company. Either way it had been life changing.

Afro Punk was incredible. The outfits, the vibe, the food everything about it was what I had needed to usher in the New Year. As 2020 approached I took my phone and started deleting all the unimportant people in it. Granted Masego was on stage and I should have been watching him mix a brand new song on stage. At that moment however shedding the dead weight meant more. 2020 was going to catch me on a clean slate with no secrets and half interested people in my phone. Someone had reminded me of something I had lost faith in and I was running with it.

31/12/2019, 23:55 Chocolate Daddy: Happy New Year Babes

31/12/2019, 23:58 Chocolate Daddy: Its 2mins left

31/12/2019, 23:59 Me: Happy New Year handsome. Lets do great things in 2020

01/01/2020, 00:11 Chocolate Daddy: Maphorisa playing now

01/01/2020, 00:11 Me: Kenzhero this side

01/01/2020, 00:37 Chocolate Daddy: Keo hopotse hle Mme

01/01/2020, 00:37 Chocolate Daddy: Blind

01/01/2020, 00:38 Me: Im so glad you said it first. I didn’t want to crack first.

01/01/2020, 00:39 Chocolate Daddy: I want to see you.

We ended the chat shortly after because Solange took the stage. I can’t describe it. It’s an audio visual experience worth the ticket price, people stepping on your shoes and trying to walk past you when they can tell there is no space. It was just worth it. After that life changing Solange moment, having learnt from the night before we stuck around, trying to get an uber at that time was going to be a mission. He kept asking if we wanted to be picked up but the party was too good. So we kept calling, texting and it felt like I was with him where he was and he was with him where I was. Even though we were on opposite sides of town. After riding around in an uber van feeling unsafe, we made it to the after party. Who goes home at 2am on New Year’s Day? My feet hurt when I left constitutional hill but because God is good all the time and cranberry red bull is delicious. I found myself dancing alone. My phone hadn’t died because Chocolate Daddy had blessed me with a power bank.

01/01/2020, 05:03 Incoming Video Call – Chocolate Daddy

I was in the clurrb and so was he. I couldn’t fathom why he was calling but I knew I would regret not answering. So I answered. He knew I couldn’t hear him and he couldn’t hear me. He had called just to blow me kisses and look at me as he sat at the bar where he was. Have you ever seen how foolish someone looks on a video call in the club? Pure ridiculousness! That dose of affection was exactly what I needed. There is was. First Click….

Eventually….we called it a night

I haven’t made it home at 6am in a long time. My house guest, The Diplomat sat up with me and we talked about everything and nothing till 8am when we both passed out on the sofa. What a fucking fantastic way to usher in the New Year.

The Diplomat headed home later that day. I was sad to see her leave because she is an awesome spirit. Everything about her vibe is a vibe, a mood and a way of life. She is adventurous and thoughtful. Loving and cautious, basically what yin and yang really are. Around lunch time as I cleaned up my place and started cooking Chocolate Daddy woke up and tried to make plans with me and I explained to him I had plans. He told me he had met my friends and they didn’t hate him so, whatever I was doing he was doing it with me. That’s the night I caught myself mesmerized. I stopped watching him dance with his goofy smile and joined. They had turned the house lights on in the club but the night/morning had felt so perfect that the concept of it ending did not agree with me. In the corner huddled up as he was feeding me frozen strawberries Goldlink (one of my favorite rappers) was standing less than 5 meters away from me and I didn’t even want a picture. I was soaking up every bit of this moment.

So what happened next???…

Since those days, there hasn’t been a day that has passed where we haven’t spoken and I love it. He’s told him about his past heartbreaks, future desires and current struggles. Me, being the open book that I am I have kept the same energy. He doesn’t sweat me, I know he will hit me back when I shoot him a text. It won’t be days, kapo tunte tsa mapantsula. I’m lucky enough to have met someone where I was. Another almost old person who just wants to have fun and share a few pages of life. It’s great! It’s what it should be! He will make weekend plans for us and pitch with bottles of wine. I’m not worried about what could be because I am so caught up in what is.

This feels super different. I’m listening to love songs I couldn’t stomach six months ago. Smiling and engaging in small talk with co-workers. I wanna lose 5kg, step my wardrobe up, learn a dead language while wearing matching underwear with my hair and nails did. I wanna drunk dance, be fed frozen fruits and make out in public. Good God I’m ready to do things I haven’t been doing. I can admit that I’m high on affection. But if you aren’t with someone who makes you feel like you can take over the world, then is it worth it? I’ve been chasing this high for the better part of twelve years and it’s better than I imagined. It was absolutely worth the wait. Everything about it is RIGHT! I am the woman ready to receive. I have the ability to communicate my deepest desires, willing to compromise but unwilling to settle. I’m at my emotional best. I’d love to give him all the credit but a woman has been taking care of herself. The good vibes I’d been parting with are home to roost and it feels better than someone unexpectedly giving you a large sum of money. The universe confirmed in the last days of 2019 and the beginning of 2020, that I’m going to be better than good.

Who knows, anything can happen between Chocolate Daddy and I. I’m hoping for the best and leaving no room for disappointment. I’m not saying I’ll stay and suffer but I’m pretty sure whatever happens it will make for interesting pages in my book.

People will lie and make it seem as if the crazy shit you want you don’t deserve. Don’t let them fool you, you know what you deserve and I know through and through that if the person next to you won’t give it to you, they are blocking the view of someone who will be more than willing to give it to. Remember who tf you are!

Happy 2020!

Get to the nasty business of living, the occasional spanking won’t hurt!!!!

Bisou…bisou

[innerpsyche]

thoughts, thoughts, thoughts

Happy Full Moon ~ 

Today, I celebrate my successes and struggles. 

In the last month, I have shedded layers of skin. Here are some events: 

-Johnny and Sophia visited Portland during the first week. My heart was filled with joy. They’re always a good time. But our individual drug habits come together and we all just get fucked up -- that part’s bad. Definitely threw me off that week. It was not the best way for me to start the month. Lots of cocaine, lots of alcohol. I did discover my new fun friend and from there, we found teslas. We decided to go to a rave that weekend and had a blast. I ended up running into my rave boyfriend, Fonso. Also had a rave girlfriend, Alicia. Fun times. A few days before, I had pulled an Amy Winehouse and passed out on my bathroom floor while my friends were on my roof tryna get me out of the bathroom because I had locked myself in there and I was 100% unresponsive. They thought I had died. Honestly, if it wasn’t them and it was someone else who found me, that definitely would have been a 911 situation. I was relieved when they had finally left. 

-The following weekend was Jai Wolf with Mena and Geronimo. I bought Geronimo’s ticket from a stranger at a somewhat higher price because it was a sold out show. I felt very friendly after the teslas kicked in and was sooooooooo so happy to be around such high energetic people all night. We went out clubbing after the show and I of course showed off on the dance poles at Dirty. We went back to my house and snacked on bell peppers and hummus and all fell asleep on my bed. I woke up the next morning super groggy and still drunk/high and realized that Geronimo was trying to finger me while I was asleep. It didn’t happen for very long because his alarm went off and he had to leave for work. I felt very disturbed and ashamed that morning. Bryan had also texted me and he carried this enthusiastic vibe in his text message as he told me that he saw me at Jai Wolf dancing all over another guy and didn’t want to “disturb” me. I was clearly upset and at that point, I haven’t seen him in a month. I was deprived, I felt hot, people gave me attention. But I still felt that slut shame afterwards. He ended up being really sweet to me and came over a couple days later and spent the night. He hasn’t done that since December. My heart was happy. 

-I went to Psychedelic Club for the first time in like 6 months! I brought my friend, Chris who I met after Quix’s show at 45East with Sophie and Johnny. We had a fun time hanging out with Carolina and Bella and this girl Elizabeth who’s I think Italian and Filipino? Soooo pretty.

-The following weekend was really nice and chill. Me and Jeni went and saw Jordan’s fire show at Dante’s where I connected with Halo again! I met his girl, Julissa who also is a part of the fire dance group. We only stayed until after Jordan performed, and then we went to the Bithouse Saloon where we met the psychedelic club for this acid dance party. We danced for an hour and ended up at White Owl and danced till 2am. I found my rave boyfriend again, Fonso and hella made out with him so that was fun. I didn’t go super hard that night and we had a pretty good night. I was proud of myself for not going overboard. 

-Okay so this day was pretty bad. I was supposed to go see Dr. Nicholas Powers with Psychedelic Club but decided I needed to write a paper and finish my research for another paper. Didn’t happen. I decided to invite Sevan to Mac’s Wine Cellars for their free wine tasting. They had 5 wines to taste and we only did 2 until we decided to split a bottle. We were there for like 3-4 hours doing our homework and drinking. I had to drop his PCC classes for him because there was no way he was gonna pass those classes at this point. He was upset. Then he invited Gerdy  to come hang out with us and I was pumped because I haven’t seen Gerdy since Kodiak last November. By the time he came I was pretty buzzed and Sevan had asked if I wanted to come to this thing at Mississippi. I decided to come even though my sober Jessa voice screamed “noooooo”. Gerdy drove us to Sevan’s house to meet with his roommates and of course Sevan broke out the half gal vodka. They’re both high functioning alcoholics and I do this thing unconsciously where I try to keep up with the people I’m drinking with. After the third shot, I blacked out.  I woke up in Grady’s couch and he told me that I kept trying to make out with him lol. I also wouldn’t tell him where I lived so he couldn’t buy me a lyft home. My night ended around 10pm. They wouldn’t serve me at the bar we were at. Grady carried me everywhere and helped me vomit. He layed me on the couch at his house, put a trash can near my face, kept all my belongings close to me and set my alarms for work, and slept on the other couch and didn’t abandon me. Bless his heart. Grady has my trust. I invited him to cuddle with me that morning before I had to leave for work. I went to work super fuckin noticeably drunk. The good thing was that it was such a slow morning. By the time I had sobered up, it got busy. But I can’t tell if Jessica and Hannah were happy with me. I did leave Jessica quite a bit to take my “breaks” because I had realized that Brook was on vacation so I hella took advantage of that. I didn’t get a hangover that day, but I was full of shame afterwards and was really quite. 

-I also decided to fly to Colorado for Sonic Bloom during the summer solstice weekend. Cody and I have been talking quite a bit and he offered to buy my ticket if I could get that weekend off. We’ve been facetiming a lot since then and we both had our doubts and our friends felt sketched, but we both had a really good feeling about each other which was why he offered to buy it and I decided to take it. 

-The following weekend I had broken down. After Brook came back from her vacation. Someone had told her that I was drunk the weekend prior and she and I had a serious conversation. She was pissed with me and I felt that miles away. The conversation ended her saying “you broke my trust. and hannah’s, kateri’s, jessica’s, and asia’s” which I interpreted as “you fucked up. we dont trust you. we don’t like you”. she almost fired me but instead sent me home for the week. She asked for me to let her know by the end of the week to let her know if I wanted to continue working there. I already knew my answer was no. Especially after that conversation. So I went home and cried forever. Sevan called me and I told him what happened. I ended up dog/house sitting for him for the week which gave me some time to be away from people for a minute which was good. That day I decided to stop drinking for a while. I’ve decided to go to Refuge Recovery, Shambhala meditation, and Smart Recovery and even sign off of all social media while I sober up and reground myself and focus on school. 

-I had mailed my work key and sent Brook my letter of resignation/apology letter. I had great feedback from her and left me in tears. I appreciate her so much. Hannah ended up reaching out a few days later, and so did Kat. I had mixed feelings about everyone there after that incident. But honestly, I think it’s mainly shame that I was experiencing. There’s no way I can go back there anytime soon without feeling like a piece of shit. 

-I finished the month with Living Prism’s RAW with Mena and River. We went out and had a great time. I didn’t drink either. I lost $34 because I couldn’t find anyone else to come with so that sucked. I have decided to drop acid and had the most fascinating acid experience there. The first two hours was me dancing and socializing. The next two hours was me sitting on my ass over by the balcony upstairs not talking to anyone but was taking hella notes. It was very insightful and entertaining. Sevan was with me till 1:30am. I felt amazing the next day. It was a rich experience. 

-First week of June I made new intentions to work on being more conscious with my decisions. Sure, I may start drinking after I hit my 4 week mark, but I’m trying to not pull an Amy Winehouse. I did a second acid trip with the psychedelic club. We were at Bella’s and I felt like I was hanging out with a bunch of moms. These gals were 20+ years older than me and it was fascinating for me to see how we’re all emotionally and mentally on the same level but we’re so different physically. I loved spending time with them. We’re planning an ayahuasca ceremony together before I leave for Colorado. 

-I finished the spring quarter with straight A’s once again! I worked my ASS off during the last two weeks and spent hourssssss studying and writing two essays. It all paid off. Parent’s are happy and supportive of me not working.  

[megadads]

A Winter Storm Warning had been issued, with up to a foot of snow projected to blanket the state. We stocked up on the necessary supplies of root beer, chips & salsa, prepared to be home bound for the entire weekend. The only question left unanswered was what were we going to do for the next 48 hours to keep ourselves entertained? While we brainstormed ideas, I happened across a post on Twitter from a games journalist listing his favorite games of the year so far. I was familiar with every title on the list except for one, Farm Together. How could one of the best games of the year be something that I’d never even heard of? I looked it up on the Nintendo Switch eShop and after seeing a few screenshots thought “Hey, this looks neat. I bet the kids would like to play this.” so I threw down my Andrew Jackson and began the download.

I had no idea what we were in for.

Farm Together is a farming “simulator” developed by Milkstone Studios, a developer I had never heard of before but is apparently responsible for games such as Sushi Castle, White Noise & Avatar Ninja. From the description of the game, you’d be excused for not chomping at the bit to play, as it seems fairly straight forward and familiar.

“Grow crops, plant trees, take care of the animals, and much more! Spend your hard-earned money on new buildings and items for your farm! Earn experience and unlock even more items and buildings!”

Simple isn’t necessarily a bad thing though, I wasn’t looking for the next Skyrim, just a fun little game for the family to pass the time with while we wait out the bad weather. Thankfully what they managed to deliver was something much, much more.

We decided that my wife would take the first crack at it, giving the kids a chance to watch for a while and see how the game plays. When you begin the game you first need to create your avatar, then choose a plot of land to begin with and give it a name. She chose a location filled with ponds & rivers and kept the default name of ‘Cranberry Fields’. You start with a pretty decent sized plot of land to get things rolling but you can expand your farm as you level up to create a sprawling ranch, in fact your farm can get so enormous later in the game that they’ve included the ability to place fast travel markers to get around the map.

Right off the bat we noticed how they’ve made simplicity and ease of play an important aspect of the design. While there is a lot of depth to the game, they’ve done a great job of making the controls intuitive enough for young kids to be able to grasp right away. You press A to till the land, then A to bring up your crop menu, then A to plant, then A to water. Most of the actions are contextual and there’s no fumbling around for different tools to use.

She started off by planting a few vegetables and fruit trees. Once you plant something you’ll see a timer that shows how long until you’re able to harvest your crops. It’s different depending on the item and the timer works in real-time, meaning that it’s still going even if you’re not playing the game. It creates a fun, Animal Crossing-esque element that will have you jumping into the game when you have a few spare minutes to quickly harvest and replant your crops. When it’s time to harvest you’ll collect money and experience points, and you can also sell the fruits and veggies for diamonds (which are used to purchase certain items in the game). The whole gameplay loop feels somewhat like a mobile game, but without the gross time gates and micro transactions that usually accompany those titles.

Once you’ve planted your crops you can water them, which brings up another smart decision the developers made. They’ve kept the game friendly and stress free by creating a system which doesn’t punish you for not keeping up with your chores. Watering your plants and feeding your animals speeds up the time it takes for your crops to be ready for harvest or your animals to produce their wares (milk from cows, eggs from chickens, etc.) but you aren’t punished for not doing these things. They’ll just take longer if you don’t stay on top of it. So the game has a lot in common with parenting young kids in that the best practice is usually to reward good behavior instead of punishing bad. You really can’t “fail” in Farm Together, playing well just means getting the most money out of your time spent and growing your farm faster.

These gameplay decisions mean it’s a perfect game for young kids and both of our girls were immediately hooked. The colorful visuals, cute animals, and simple gameplay all had them glued to the television. Lucky for us the game changes seasons every 17 minutes so there’s a nice, built-in timer for having the girls switch back and forth. “When summer is over, it’s your sister’s turn to play.” They passed the game back and forth all afternoon, their favorite part probably being when they unlocked the option to choose a pet that they could customize and which follows you around all over the farm while you do your chores.

When it was my turn to play I found the gameplay hook to be incredibly addicting. Almost every action you do gets you something in return whether it’s money, experience, diamonds, etc. and there’s so much to unlock that you never go very long without feeling like you’ve accomplished something. There are dozens of plants, flowers, trees, animals, buildings and decorations to unlock as you progress so you can make your farm unique. I’m even in the process of building a house which you’re able to customize and decorate, unlocking all sorts of new objectives and rewards. The sheer number of options available in the game are impressive, but it never feels too overwhelming or complicated. The core gameplay still remains the same. Plant, water, harvest, sell, buy.

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After spending more time with the game than I originally thought that we would, we got the girls into their pajamas and off to bed, then my wife and I played some more… and some more… and then some more. Our farm continued to grow, we completed challenges, we unlocked new crops, and on and on. The pacing of the game is so addicting, with a constant drip feed of rewards and the lure of that next unlockable is irresistable. It’s the epitome of the “just ten more minutes” type of game. In fact this ‘Family Game Night’ turned into a ‘Family Game Early Morning’ when we noticed that all of a sudden it was 2am.

Our love of the game continued through the rest of the weekend and every day since. It’s mix of charming visuals and music, relaxing and addictive gameplay, and accessibility to every member of the family has made it the best surprise of the year and a game that the whole family will undoubtedly spend countless hours with for the foreseeable future.

Kid’s Take

Chloe “It’s very fun and a lot of hard work!”

Samantha ” I like it because it lets me practice at farming. Maybe I can be a farmer someday!”

Parent’s Take

Cristina “Embarrassingly addicting”

John “It’s an addicting mix of Animal Crossing, Viva Pinata and Harvest Moon. I’ll certainly be playing this for a long, long time.”

Farm Together is available now on the Nintendo Switch, Xbox One and PC

  Family Game Night: Farm Together A Winter Storm Warning had been issued, with up to a foot of snow projected to blanket the state.

[solasulad]

Devil December 2018.

Well hello. 

How are you? 

Still doing the same things i see huh?

Guess new year never really changed me anyways.

Well.. A recap of whats been going on.. Ive been meaning to write just my nails was long as fuck and my phone still broken. :(

So.. About the cousin.. 

We been hanging out all of December. The Monday in the previous post, i texted him Tuesday and we met up around 7pm in my area. He wanted to smoke and i don't really smoke but i was like alright. He came by my area, we parked up near by and sparked the spliff. I took two pulls and called it a quit.

Before even smoking as he's rolling he was asking me about relationships. And i told him that the guys i know i don't see myself getting along with like that cause i know what i want. So then.. I asked him the same question he asked me. He then said that he's been meaning to tell me that he has a girlfriend but shes in the us. And that they kicked it off just before he came to the city so he's in a long distance relationship. I was like wow damn. If i knew i wouldn't have entertained any of that. He says its whatever and that topic just dies down. We go outside for the smoke and then as he's smoking I'm already high at this point. He tries to come in for a kiss and i back him off telling him to respect his girl. He's like you right and thats that. 

We get food and go back into the car now we both high just chilling in the cold.. 

We both in the car high as fuck and i ask him about his girl. He tells me they been together for 9 months now and that they got into a relationship before he left the states. Said they fell for each other heavy and feelings got involved, did trips together became inseparable at one point. That he tried to call a quite two times cause of the long distance but she told him to push through, she's even supposed to come to the city in jan he told me. He even told me she came to the city during the summer to come see him and that shit picked up like nothing was wrong, also that her parents are saying why you stressing over a guy not in the city to look for one local. Some shit like that. Just hurting my whole heart when he told me that. I was sad tbh. But i didn't show it. 

He plays some music and it sounded so good and different I'm relaxed just chilling in the passenger seat. I take the aux and play summer hill girls need love and start jamming to it. He laughs then i play Syd bad dream/no looking back. The whole song sounds so good to me he turns the volume up and I'm just dumb fucked at this point just the whole songs about fucking with no emotion knowing that if they fall for each other it would be over. 

So before the song can even get to the first chorus he's in my ear looking at me. Then i turn over facing him and we start making out. Whole 5 minutes of the song making out. While the backgrounds saying “We only kiss when we fucking cause we don't get to attached cause if this turns into something we know theres no looking back”

While  kissing the song changes and he stops it, we continue for a bit and then i pull back as he reaches for my pants. I say no. this isn't right, he sets back and just looks lost. So i try to contain myself and somehow we end up kissing again, i tell him that if he has a girl he should respect that and we just stop. I drive him to the station, he tells me his friends throwing a airbnb party next week friday and that i should come. I tell him i’ll see most likely not cause its just too awkward but whatever happens happens. 

I go home sad as fuck. just thinking about what happened that he has a girl friend and that I'm the side chick in his life. To make myself feel better i list all the flaws of him making him seem less than what he is. underage, not the same religion, weed head, not the same background.. ETC list went on that night.

Next morning he sends me funny memes on insta and we just end up picking the convo back. 

Second Week of December 14th. 

He messages me to come to the airbnb thing, i think i ask him about his girlfriend and he says he’ll tell me in person.. So.. thinking, there might have been something serious i end up going. We talk that whole week, like we something and actually plan to fuck.. Him having a whole mother fucking girl friend doesnt even come into picture. He sends me the address i leave work go home shower and head over. We meet for 7, i get there and we go straight at it. He comes, i come we both come as his friend comes. 

Me, him and his friend all chilling smoking outside on the balcony then i bring up his girl, he tells me that same story like he doesnt know why he's in a relationship, that she won't call him cause she pissed at him or something. And I'm just looking at him like wow okay. Trying to hold back my emotions cause that actually hurt but also trying to give advice and make him feel good.

Now i had no intention of staying the night let alone past 2am but i ended up staying till 5am.. smh...

But that whole night felt like we was a couple. We held hands, danced, smoked together, kissed everywhere and anywhere, went out the club to another see another function and got compliments left and right from random people on the streets. It felt good that night. Felt like a dream.. looking at 23 years of being alone and single to have a guy treat me like his girl felt good. to guide me in the streets and take his jacket off for me felt good. Felt like a dream...

we finish off at the club get some food from 7/11 head back to the airbnb and he's still talking about how he wants to fuck.. I tell him no your buddies here not gonna do that.. Then, as he's walking me to the elevator, we start making out. he goes for my pants once again my weak spot. finger fucks me right there in the hallway, then we take it to the stairwell, he tries to get me naked below and i stop him. I tell him no not here not like this you sicko. 

I wait for my uber downstairs with him and we just continue to make out until i call him out again for having a girl. He stops says he’ll see me soon i get in the uber and thats that. 

Monday December 17th 

We continue to text/insta message each other through the third week of December he asks what I'm doing monday night after work i say nothing and we end up going to shisha and just hanging out pretty much. I try not to kiss him and succeeded until i came home and said i should've kissed him. SMH.

we stay cool he texting and snapchating each other, i think we even started sending nudes at this point. 

Friday of that same week ^ He asks what I'm doing after work again.. I say nothing we go out to the movies this time.. We watch creed like i never seen it before but hey MICHAEL B JORDAN CAN GET IT ANYTIME BABE.

We get high before going into the theatre, we make out once again like we a couple, holding hands and shit, we went to the mall near by my area so i was kinda shook if i bumped into someone with him -_- but we watch the movie then when its time to go, i start the car we chill for a bit then make out some more getting it heated, we go to an isolated area and fuck once again.. LIKE FUCKING ANIMALS WE FUCKING ON GODT!

its now like 1am and i have a 12 hour shift in the morning, i send him off dropping him off at his place and head home for bed. 

Thursday December 27th 

I guess we spoke about hanging out Thursday night cause apparently these texts I'm reading said we met up damn..

But so from my understanding now, i told my mom i was going to buy a bag, she needed me to get her car keys and i ended up taking the keys with me and going out to see him at his area. I pull up, he has his shits rolled, he go to a park near by and he smokes, i smoke his cigg and we make out I'm all dumb cause i pressed the gas while making out making the car sound off.. We get over to his area and he's tryna do more than just hanging.. We pull up at a sketchy ass parking spot that can be seen through miles and he tries to finger fuck me.. I'm screaming cause i didn't give him head or anything, he was dumb horny, and i was so scared. I get a call from my mom like an hour later her cussing me out asking where i went talking about she needs the keys and i had to cut it quick. I told him if anything tomorrow after work he's like cool we end off again with kisses like we in a fucking relationship -_-

Friday December 28th.

We still texting/memes at this point again...

He messages me asking what I'm doing after work i say nothing so asks if i wanna chill go to the mall or something. I wasn't really tryna go cause i was tried flopped on him the day before thinking we spending to much time together.. But i already had the idea set.. He comes to my area we fuck and he goes. But this nigger likes to talk, likes to just fucking talk for days.. So. 

He comes by after work, i sneak out the house cause my moms out already, didn't want her coming home while i was gone plus she was and at me from the night before, we link up we fuck and i drop him off at the station. Bam! thats how it should be done. Sex was good not gonna lie but i was just paranoid that whole night. Cause homie wants to just chat his mouth off and I'm not tryna get in trouble with my mom for just leaving the house like that damn... son...

We get into holidays and my work places empty whole cities quite cause of the holidays besides the partying, but he invites me out for new years telling me he told abel about us and that i shouldn't worry lol NO imma worry. 

But i flop on him cause i was working new years eve and new years morning, he says its cool if he sees me new years day and I'm like yah sure.. but what we gonna do cause my pussy needs a break buddy. 

- New year same me bish.. 

Now Jan 1st 

He messages me once again, like i guess we really kicked and vibed but I'm nonchalant towards him not really tryna seem thirsty either. After all those ass snaps and twerking video i sent him i was a different person in real life. 

He asks to see me after work, I'm cool with it, told him downtown cause I'm driving and don't want to take the bus. So i park at my work place during the morning i get home get changed and go back downtown we meet at the station near by my work place and head over to the shisha spot. 

We aren't kissing each other i backed off kinda just being cool with him, didn't initiate any form of sexual expressions or acts towards him. We go to the shisha spot we chilling and just talking vibing and he's looking at me like lust in his eyes i already know that look to familiar.. I ignore it, we finish up smoking and head for the transit, i grab a candy from the counter of the spot and put it in, we walking just talking kinda holding hands cause its cold but we just chill. 

We get to the station headed to my car, and as we standing on the platform he gives me that look, i lean against the wall and we start making out. smh... We make out, he asks me what flavour my candy is asking for a taste, i drop the candy in his mouth as he sucks on it and returns it back to me. Shit was so nasty but i loved it holy. Like in that moment i didn't care he had a girlfriend, he was with me in all honesty it felt good to be held like that so i allowed it for the night. We get to my work place and we walk towards the loading dock, start the car and we make out a little before leaving. We leave, i drop him off at his place i guess cause i was feeling generous.. But we make out, before he leaves tryna start something and I'm like huh. no not now wth. So he leaves. 

Now........ That following night i get him at 10ish getting ready for bed cause i got work in the morning, i get a snap from him. Saying he wanted to say something. Im like okay? He messages back saying he didn't think i was awake but then says he wanted to talk about us? LOL HOLD UP.. When was there ever a us? 

So i message back saying okay? he's like he’ll tell me tomorrow. Im now thinking at this point like what could this lil fucker be saying? You got me horny you best believe imma ask you in the morning...

So now its Wednesday January 2nd.

I message him a good morning text - first good morning texts EVER!

he messages me back saying this “idk how to say it but I’m doin a huge mistake.. u know I’m still with my girl and idk wat to do .. and i feel like we getting too close to each other and i don’t want us to be catching feelings or anything.. cause that gonna make me feel worse. And i don't want us to stop talking either” 

i reply back along the lines like you know i got sexual attraction towards you, don't think we can be friends after.. wishing him and his girl a strong mother fucking relationship..

So the convo goes, its short says he wish i met him two years ago.. lol wha, when he was 19? gtfoh dummy. So that topic ends. Im unfazed by it kinda sad, idk i guess the idea that maybe he was unhappy with his girl friend got into my head but in reality i was just new pussy for him to realize he still loved his girl. So. thats Wednesday morning. The night it takes a whole 360 turn and gets sexual, i send him a link to a fitness studio in the city and we end up talking about my body. smh. 

The convo ends that night when it gets sexual, i ended it on my ends.. Like how you gonna say I'm a chocolate pudding when you got a whole GIRLFRIEND A G I R L F R I E N D? H u H?

Anyhow.. Next day now first Thursday into the new year. LoL. 

He MESSAGES ME! like we sending each other memes on social media then he messages me saying he wants to chill, i was like you think thats a good idea? he's like nah but fuck it. Soo.. I said i wanted to see him too, but tryna keep it professional, said we got some unfinished business too.. 

He comes by my ends round 7pm after work still wearing his duty ass uniform, i pick him up from the station, we drive over to buy some shisha flavour and head over to my sisters place, i told her he was a friend thats that she's like cool, the goes back to moms house. We chill watching tv as he's smoking and then once he finishes and i guess is high enough to barely feel anything he makes his way towards me. He starts kissing me, stripping me down and eating me out. I go down on him and we start fucking. Like actually fucking fucking to the point my back kept moving upwards from the pain. it was good but painful towards the end. He went hard on me. He tried to go for a second round like always but his dick got confused again. it was soft and hard at the same time. like just hanging there not knowing what to do... I think its cause of his guilty conscious eating him up, first nut was easy second one that never comes. no matter how hard he goes...

So we finish off sit there for a second or so i guess until he realizes what he did was bad cause its now 9ish and he says he has to go cause he got work in the morning. So anyhow i drop him off once again at the station near my place and tell him that was our last fuck. He's like “I mean nah what ever happens happens..” i said no. that was that, we kiss and i send him off. 

Now he's still in my dm’s after that keep in mind. That was Thursday night of the first week of the year. He hits me up friday night asking what I'm doing over the weekend i said nothing got little errands to do but nothing after, asks me if i wanna hang with him and abel, I'm like yah if it isn't gonna be awkward, also tried to set abel up with a girl from work but he too thirsty bruh..

So i made plans with them. Mostly josh but to see both of them. 

I invited the thot friend cause i didn't want to go alone. So she came they smoking cigs I'm smoking my mini pipe at the backyard in the cold like a dog    -_- we chilling my friend ends up leaving early cause her curfew i stay till like 1:40ish then leave after i sober up from two baby pulls of weed smh. 

Lol R. was tryna go to the club so she sent josh a whole ass video of her dancing tryna kawal him to come out like after we all got comfortable lol funny cause i told him to send a dick video but abel took the phone and he sent a dark screen i suppose. Lmao she was talking to me on the side while messaging him while i was telling him things to say to her. Basically being a little evil bitch seeing how it plays out lmao. 

But me and josh had like a little moment tho lol barely i just i brought up the video showing him me twerking then he said i needed to send it to him, i was like okay but I'm gonna need that dick video of you in the black buddy, he's like bet so I'm going thru my snap private part and showing him how dark and thick i was during the summer and he's rubbing my leg getting turned on. smh i hear able coming and he backs off we just sit there while abel says some stuff. 

i chill till like 1:40 wish sober up and give them hugs and go. I get lost on my way back home from the highway but soft. 

I get home and he messages me something on insta a video then asks me why I'm not sleeping yet. So i say send me that video he said he's gonna want one in return send him that video of me dancing in a white top and grey underwear. Tell him he better not be sitting next to abel smh. He sends me two videos lmao one of him cumming that i did not ask for and my fav black out fit video. -_-

That was saturday night going into sunday morning. lol. I send him memes he sends me some back thats that. 

Now its Monday Jan 7th 2019 back to reality. I start school today wasn't really on my phone but once i got home i started thinking about him and shit since we each others number 1 streaks besties how can i forget when i open my snap. 

I sent him a video two actually of me just with filters on snap and one he's like my curls should put respek on my name. other one he just sent me a snap back of him at work. so we haven't spoken pretty much all day. just besides that little snap chat. Im not phased by it either cause he has a girl friend and well shit its Jan she should be coming to the city too. RIGHT? like he said she was coming to see him in Jan. but its whatever my pussy still hurts from thursday night i never been fucked like that and I'm glad its just whatever cause i won't catch feelings. I think i told every bitch i know besides R. and the thot about this guy fucking me. 

I kinda wanna just keep it nonchalant tbh like i won't check for him regardless might look at my phone from time to time and be like wow. no meme today? but I'm good love. I been good. his sisters like the same fucking age as me. I'm gucci love your dick was good but I'm good. 

[irldumbass-blog]

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I’m going to talk about my heartbreak in as full detail as I can. 

I have been in 3 relationships, they have all come to an end which is never easy. That person becomes a part of your routine and its so sad to think about them not in your life anymore, whether you are breaking up with them or they are breaking up with you. I’ve had those feelings every time I’ve had a relationship come to an end. Although those feelings are very strong I haven’t had my heart broken until this year around mid February. 

My ex boyfriend Alan and I broke up within the first few days of October. He broke up with me, I didn’t take it very hard because I was going to end it anyways but I’m horrible at breaking up with people so I didn’t know when was the right time. Anyways we broke up and I was totally fine. The next day at work my coworker is talking to me about the break up and these two Australian boys come in, one was this tall dark haired boy with the same colouring as me, the other one was a little shorter and not as cute but he had long hair. Me being the way I am I only pay attention to the shorter guy because he has long hair and my eyes completely gravitate towards it (it makes me sooooo weak). I’m just working and walking around the store and long haired guy and I’s eyes are following each other. I have tons of cute guys who come into my work weekly, I don’t know what it was about him but I actually could not stop looking at him. They eventually left, but I was just thinking, damn, I hope he comes in again.

About a week later I match with this guy named Cieren on Tinder who messages me about red bull and how it isn’t good for me. I was giving him a bit of attitude because red bull is my life and he looked cute in some photos, really bad in others. At some point in the conversation I told him I work at a costume store and he told me he was in a week ago and completely recognizes me. I put two and two together and realized that it was the guy I kept staring at, I actually could not believe it. We texted for about a month and then decided to meet up one night when he was done work and I was coming home from a party. We met up around 1:30-2am (lol) and sat at Trinity Bellwoods for a couple hours just talking about everything. The more I looked at him the more I realized how cute he actually is. He has kind of a weird face but I liked it in a way? It just worked. I don’t know. He has light brown hair that goes past the shoulders, green eyes, small nose, small face if I’m being honest, about 6ft tall and pretty lanky. His teeth weren’t perfect and his smile was semi crooked but I kind of liked it. We walked to McDonalds so we can be somewhere inside and this homeless man used his money to buy us coffee and muffins because we “looked like a beautiful young couple”. McDonalds closed so we moved to Tim Hortons across the street and talked until 7am. He was going to Berlin that weekend but he asked if I wanted to hang out when he got back. I was really enjoying my time with him so I said yeah. We cabbed back to our own houses  together and my stop was first. We both got out of the cab and we hugged and said our goodbyes but then I kissed him. And then kissed him again. I literally never kiss a guy first on the first date because it makes me anxious as hell but I don’t know what it was, I went home with the biggest smile on my face. 

The first thing I did when i got home was look him up on Facebook so I can show my friends. I look up his full name, hes the first person who pops up and it says “in a relationship with Issy H”. I was like ...oookaayy....maybe this is old and hasn’t changed it......or hes being really sketchy what the hell is happening... He was off to Berlin anyways so I decided I’d wait until he brought it up, or I would just bring it up in person to him. 

He came back from Berlin and I met up with him around Trinity Bellwoods, he bought me German cigarettes which was very thoughtful of him. First thing I asked him was who he went to Berlin with. He stopped walking and was like “I have to tell you something, I’m in an open relationship. I understand if you don’t want to hang out and I’m really sorry for not telling you earlier but I had such a good time hanging out with you and I didn’t want to ruin it.” I didn’t really know how to react, but I thought, well okay thats fine, we’ll just have a NSA thing going on. We went out for drinks before he had to leave for work, and he told me he wanted to take me out on a date. I was so confused because he just told me he was in a relationship and now he wants to take me on a date? I thought we were just going to go for drinks from here on out and then go back to my place and hook up. I’ve never hung out with a guy in an open relationship so I didn’t really know how to act so I agreed to go on dates with him. One day my work had a Christmas party and he asked me if I would go to his works Christmas party with him, I was so confused (again) because like, why aren’t you bringing your girlfriend Issy? I said no but he asked if he could see me that night so he came over and we just talked and kissed till about 5am. I told him about my darkest shit, things I do not tell strangers, like when I was in a very sexually abusive relationship when I was 14/15. I don’t know why I would tell him that but I felt very comfortable and close with him even though I only knew him for a month. He told me that his girlfriend was very jealous of me hanging out with him as much as I do. I felt really bad but I also really wanted to continue hanging out with him and he wanted to continue hanging out with me, after all he was the one in the relationship and could have took it on himself to stop seeing me. There was one instance where he met me at work and I had to meet up with Summer to go to a show with her, so we walked around the Eaton Centre and he told me he lied to Issy and said he was at work instead of hanging out with me. Thats when I started to feel really weird about the situation I was in, because I liked this guy but he has a girlfriend and I was kept a secret. I don’t know it was weird. 

We went to my friend Trevor’s birthday drag show two days before Christmas with my friends Connor and Alex. They really liked him and I was so happy but also so conflicted because of the situation with the girlfriend. I was house sitting my friend Jens apartment, so him and I went back there and we talked all night. He told me hes never felt so connected with someone this strongly in his entire life and I felt the same way even though it was such a short period of time knowing him. I felt so guilty and sick because hes telling me this while his girlfriend is only a couple km away. We cuddled on the couch and made out but he was too anxious to have sex which was totally okay and understandable. We stayed up until 8am and I walked to work. I was completely drained from lack of sleep and the intensity of the conversation. I thought about it all day, so later that day I texted him and told him I will continue hanging out with him but I can’t go any further but friends with him until he figures out his situation with Issy. He told me he understood and he apologized. I hung out with him 2 days later.

Issy started to get jealous to the point where she would attack me. Looking back, I don’t even know why he would tell me any of this because it would obviously just make me uncomfortable and hurt my feelings. She would say things like, “Why do you hang out with her? She looks so fake like she wears all this makeup and wears fake nails” etc. It hurt because I don’t see a problem with the way I look and I never attacked this girls looks to Cieren. I would consider myself a genuinely kind person and for this girl to attack me really bothered me. I met Cieren’s friend Dermott and that did not help the case because apparently when he saw Issy he was talking to her about how good looking and nice I am. Looking back at it I understand why she hated me; I was spending time with her boyfriend. At the same time though, they are in an open relationship. It should not matter. It got to the point where she would read our text conversations, creep me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. It was a lot for me to handle and I didn’t ask to be put in this messy situation. I should have gotten out of it sooner than later but I really liked him. I started to hate her and would want to hang out with him more out of spite which is pretty evil of me looking back. I liked him so much and I didn’t want to not see him. One night we were at Panamar and he told me he has a really big crush on me. Honestly everything felt perfect with him but in reality nothing was perfect. He told me Issy and him weren’t together anymore and they were breaking up for good once they were back in Australia. He said they weren’t together but he kept switching answers and she would post photos of him/them hanging out still. It was all super confusing to me because i never got a straight answer from him. 

One day we went out for dinner and drinks, I ended up back at his place because Issy was in NYC for a couple days. He gave me head in the bed they sleep in together every night and I didn’t even do anything to him. I felt super uncomfortable to be in his house because he lived with quite a lot of roommates and they obviously know I am the -other- girl. We went out for brunch the next day and Issy called him, told him she knew what happened. He felt so sick he couldn’t even eat. I felt really guilty but at the same time, he told me they weren’t together anymore and even if they were, they are in an open relationship. We hung out all day and he asked me if I was seeing anyone else other than him, and I was. I was also casually seeing a boy named Colt and Cieren got so upset and jealous. I told him I liked him more than Colt, which was true. I shouldn’t have told him that though because he didn’t even deserve to be hearing that. I wish I liked Colt more than I liked Cieren because he probably wouldn’t have put me through all this emotional labour to hang out with him. 

One night Cieren and I went out for dinner and he asked me what would happen with us if he came back to Toronto. Because he had a crush on me, I was comfortable to tell him that I would date him. He didn’t really say anything back so I went to the washroom and had a giant anxiety attack because I didn’t really know what else to do... Like why would you ask me that? He knew the answer he just wanted me to say it out loud. I couldn’t really talk afterwards, it wasn’t even because I was mad at him or trying to give him the silent treatment, I just really didn’t know what to say. I smoked like 3 cigarettes because I was so overwhelmed by my own feelings. We took the streetcar back to the west end and he started crying when we got off. I walked up to college and we sat in an A&W and kind of just broke down. He was crying saying he likes me so much and doesn’t know what to do because hes going back to Australia in less than a month. I didn’t really know what to say and thats when it kind of clicked in with me that he was leaving. We talked it out and we both agreed we have really strong feelings for each other and I went home. He came to my work on my break the next day to buy me a coffee and apologize to me about last night. We just continued on. 

The week he was leaving I drew him this beautiful card and wrote the most heartfelt shit. The last guy I made art for was Alan back around Christmas time last year. I saw him the night before he left, he met me at work and we went to Java House and got really drunk on cheap beer. We made out in the bathroom downstairs and were super PDA in the booth we were sitting at. We Ubered back to mine and he just sat on my couch and started bawling. I brought him into my room and I gave him the card. He read it and just hugged me and went on top of me completely sobbing. We just cried and told each other how much we like each other. Its like a break up that we didn’t want to happen but it was pretty much forced. We took pictures together and we were all red in the face from sobbing, he needed to go because his roommates were having a goodbye drink night for them so I walked him to the lobby and we just bawled and held each other. We kissed like 20 times and then he left. I bawled my eyes out for the next half hour, he texted me saying “I have so much love for you”. The next morning he texted me before he left, saying they drove past my apartment building when they were in the taxi and he was so upset. He messaged me at the airport and in between flights every chance he got. Him and Issy were at the airport together but apparently they barely talked. 

When he got back to Australia, we would call each other for 3 and a half hours just talking about anything and catching up. He’d tell me he misses me and has even stronger feelings now that he has left and was planning on coming back so we could see each other again. Because he was gone, I was back on Tinder. You obviously get some pretty bad messages from men on that site, there was a couple times that I’d tweet that men are shitty. Cieren took it so personally and told me that women can be even shittier, defending men and doing that annoying “not all men” shit. He all of a sudden verbally attacked me and called me ignorant, immature, rude, told me my opinions are stupid, etc. Even though he was being so hurtful to me I still wanted to talk it out with him because I liked him so much. He stopped messaging me, completely ignoring all of my messages. I was so hurt. I check Instagram and he is fully hanging out with Issy, even though he told me they weren’t together and were for sure ending things when they went back to Australia. Directed at him this time, I tweeted that men suck and my friend alex replied “-australian accent- not ALL men-” and I laughed because Cieren and I weren’t talking anymore and he kind of screwed me over. Cieren messaged me all of a sudden freaking out at me telling me i’m cyberbullying (lol) him. Sure I may have not laughed at what Alex said, but at the time it was completely justifiable. After all, he stopped talking to me and said really rude things to me questioning my intelligence. For some FUCKED up reason I sent him a huge apology even though I really shouldn’t have. He didn’t even respond to it. 

I was so fucked up over him for months. I would cry and question what I did wrong, but I realize now I really couldn’t have done anything. I should have just ended it when he told me he was in an open relationship. Instead, I went through the most emotionally draining experience of my life all for a guy who was rude to me and could never take accountability for his actions. He messaged me recently telling me that he hopes I’m doing well, he still thinks about me every day and he misses our time together. Then he continues to tell me that I am insane. He is insanely passive aggressive and doesn’t even realize it. He never apologizes for anything, even after everything he put me through those couple months he lived in Toronto. I got absolutely no apology about anything because he doesn’t even realize how much he broke my heart. This was the first time I’ve been so crazy about someone and it ended so horribly. He turned out to be a completely different person than I thought he was. I’m sure he is still with Issy, I used to hate her but I just feel bad for her at this point. She obviously really loves this guy and hes messaging this girl from Toronto telling her he thinks about me every day. He treated me so unfairly and so horribly and I don’t think I can ever forgive him. He completely ruined my trust, I used to have no problems with it but I have insanely strong trust issues now. It really sucks and he really hurt me but this situation has helped me grow into being a stronger person and to not settle. I deserve the world and he did not deserve someone like me. I’m doing better than I was a couple months ago, I have deleted him off of social media so this chapter of my life has officially closed, which is why I’m writing this. 

Goodbye heartbreak, goodbye manipulative men, goodbye gaslighting men.