#shes my bestie but shes super not important to the story shes involved in shes just some intern

[arolesbianism]

And here's the last of the doodles from the past two weeks back to not posting art 👍

[libra-kirishima]

Oh my goodness I just read your Iida family HC and my heart erupted!!! I'd love to see what you come up with for Kirishima or Bakugou!

I literally got this request two years ago I am so sorry.

But bestie I am so glad you asked because I have so many thoughts. I think about them a lot.

Family Headcanons for Kirishima + Bakugou

! implied fem reader !

Kirishima Eijirou

Kirishima definitely has at least one older sister. Probably a very close relationship with his mom as well. The women in his life played such a huge role in making him the person that he is today.

Having said that, I can only see Kirishima as a girl dad.

He radiates huge "girl dad" energy. And he's so proud about it too. Having girls is his favorite thing ever.

I can see you and him with three girls, each of them are 2 or 3 years apart, and they all have red eyes and black hair.

Not a single one of your daughters looks like you, I'm sorry. He insists that they all have your smile, though.

He's super involved from the minute you tell him you're pregnant. Taking you to every doctor's appointment, helping you with whatever you need, designing the nursery.

Once he found out he was having a girl, he made you sit down with him every night while he learned how to do your hair. It was so important to him for him to know how to comb and style hair so he could help get them ready for school in the future.

One aspect of fatherhood he's surprisingly hands-off about is picking a name. He wants you to do it and he's completely happy with whatever you pick.

A name is just not that important to him. Whatever you want your girl's names to be will be special to him. Not because he carefully chose a name with a special meaning, but because it's his daughter's name and she is special to him.

Although his disinterest in helping you pick a name definitely started a fight between the two of you when you were pregnant with your first, because it felt like he didn't care enough to help you pick.

He's super involved after the kids are born too.

Strongly encourages them to get into something physical. Ballet, soccer, gymnastics, baseball, volleyball. He doesn't care. He'll let them do anything that they want so long as it gets them moving.

And he goes to every performance and every game. He's in the front row of every school play with a bouquet of roses in his hands. He's your girls' biggest cheerleader.

Your girls would tell him everything too. He's surprisingly good at keeping up with stories of teenage girl drama and gives them his full attention any time there's an update.

I can see Kirishima with a TV Sitcom ass family that other kids in the neighborhood would come to for advice or a safe space to hang out.

Kirishima cries at everything. Cried when he learned you were pregnant. Cried when each one of your daughters was born. He cries at birthdays, at graduations, at holidays, at performances, at major milestones.

Definitely calls his daughters "manly" as a compliment.

It's really important to him that his kids get along with each other and always have each other's backs. Your kids aren't allowed to fight in your house. If they do start fighting he takes them aside and makes them work it out.

Bakugou Katsuki

When he was a teenager he had a complicated relationship with his parents, specifically with his mom. But as he gets older he starts to understand them more and they get along better.

His parents never really told him they were proud of him or praised him because Mitsuki was worried it would go to his head.

He also felt like his parents were embarrassed by him because of the way he acted. (They were)

When you met him, he insisted that he never wanted kids.

It took him a long time but he eventually changed his mind. He had a lot of growing and changing to do before thinking about starting a family.

A huge part of his hesitation came from the difficult task of contending with his past. He was cruel and abusive as a kid and became so worried about his kid turning out like him at that age. And if they did, he wouldn't know what to do to stop it, just like his parents didn't with him.

A lot of his parenting is modeled after his parents. Not only what they did right, but what he thinks they did wrong as well. He wants to learn from his parents' mistakes and do better than they did.

Bakugou may not be the best dad but he'll always stand by his kid and support them them regardless of the circumstance.

He's never been very articulate or very in-touch with his emotions. He struggles to tell his loved ones that he loves them, your kid included. Because of this, he makes sure to show them that he loves them.

When you tell him you're pregnant, he doesn't really react. He doesn't even stop watching the news to look you in the eye. You're worried that he doesn't care but internally he's so happy. He doesn't say so. Doesn't even smile. His way of reassuring you that he wants this is by asking you what you want the nursery to look like, and getting to work moving all the furniture out of the guest room to turn it into the baby's room as soon as he wakes up the next day.

He doesn't care about the sex of the baby. He just wants it to be happy and healthy.

Very involved in the process of picking a name, though.

He suggests a bunch of names that he thinks sound strong and powerful but are actually really stupid.

I also see Bakugou with a little girl. Just one, though.

He feels bad that he can't be more involved in his kid's life because of his job, so he only wants one child. He thinks he'll do his best as a parent when all of his free time can be devoted to her.

He also spoils her rotten and justifies it because she's his only kid.

Any fear that he has about his kid being mean like he was completely disappears when he holds her in his arms for the first time and sees that she has kind eyes just like yours.

Having a kid forces him to become a lot more level-headed. He refuses to argue with his baby girl like he used to argue with his mom, no matter how much she tries to provoke him. As much as he loves his mom, the constant push and pull between them is not an aspect of her parenting he wants to carry over.

I feel like he's great when your kid is still a kid, but really struggles with the teenage years. No matter how many times you tell him it's normal, he doesn't understand why she doesn't tell him everything anymore or why she thinks she's too cool to spend time with him.

The type of parent to yell at your daughter to get out of her room and go outside.

Your daughter wants to be a hero just like her daddy. I think a lot of the strain that was put in the relationship when she was a teenager is repaired when she becomes an adult and they start working together.

Bakugou is her favorite parent and neither of you understand why.

[unpopularshipbracket]

Round 1a Match 16

Touko Kirigaya/Tsukushi Futaba/Mashiro Kurata (Bandori/BanG Dream!)

AO3 fic count: 0

Death/Bunnymund (Puss in Boots/Rise of the Guardians)

AO3 fic count: 2

Propaganda under the cut!

Bandori OT3

"Okay, so with these three, my shipping logic asks the question of whether it is gay to start a band with your two besties who you just met but immediately became attached to you and the idea of bands alike. The answer is yes. Mashiro, Tsukushi and Touko saw exactly one concert together at the very start of Morfonica's band story, and, after Mashiro began trying to start a band, Touko and Tsukushi immediately jumped on board, despite the facts that none of them had even touched an instrument before (except Tsukushi, who I think had played taiko drums before, but this isn't important), and this made them all super close. Later, when they'd recruited another member, the band had a bit of a fallout which caused Mashiro to briefly leave, and Touko and Tsukushi were both so upset by this that it interfered with their practice, and it was super obvious to even their new bandmate that they were just missing Mashiro. Then Mashiro apologized for the whole fallout and was happily accepted into the band again. This leads into a ton of events, since Bandori operates by progressing the story through different in-game events, which opened the story up for a lot of focus on their dynamic where Touko and Tsukushi's dynamic is pretty teasing from Touko's end but they still care for and respect each other a lot, Touko and Mashiro's dynamic is pretty similar since it's easy to poke fun at the mess that is Mashiro but for some reason Touko somehow ends up saying much gayer things to Mashiro all the time and helping to get her out of her comfort zone, and Tsukushi and Mashiro's dynamic, which I know is the most popular out of these three, is very devoid of this gentle teasing and is more based around mutual understanding, respect and shared experiences, since, instead of it being one of these two with an ever-confident Touko, it's somebody with super obviously low self-esteem (Mashiro) and somebody who seems very confident (to the point where the band story fallout I noted involved Mashiro being frustrated at Tsukushi because she saw her as somebody who was infinitely more talented and confident than her and that she was expecting too much from her) but also loses her confidence super quickly and very frequently loses faith in herself. Their dynamic is a little more focused on because a lot of their stories involve them taking inspiration from each other (such as in band story 2, which takes place after Tsukushi got a part-time job, and involves Tsukushi telling Mashiro that she wouldn't have even done that if she wasn't inspired by how confident Mashiro had grown). That being said, there is the underlying theme between the three of them just having a lot of admiration and trust in each other even if Touko rarely expresses it."

Deathster:

"I mean, life and death. Two hot furry men. What else is there not to love?"

[timeofjuly]

(not so sure if this counts as a story spoiler ask so you can pick any of my questions or ignore until the time comes.¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

in what order would the characters fall in love for mc?(e.g. 1.quinn 2.red ect.[or if mc falls for them first?])we already know the flashbacks of quinn and MC but not when they confessed/caught feelings, who did what first in what place and environment? these questions also involves the skeletons too if you don't mind us having a peek at future events. XP

although i am not the most observant of readers, your work is so interesting to read that I would put it on a petri dish to understand it more thoroughly if I can hahah, maybe even a piece of your brain too./hj

Thank you so much!!! My brain is pretty smooth most of the time so I'm not sure how much you'd get out of it, but I'm very flattered!! If there's anything in the fic you (or anyone else) wants clarification or my in-depth thoughts on, I'm always very very happy to give my commentary :)

I won't answer in terms of order, because it'd be a little spoilery (and my planning is not that detailed lol) BUT, if you'd like, I can tell you what traits MC/the skeletons have that'll make things work? I put A LOT of thought into it when writing MC's personality because I wanted her to be a good fit for all of them plus Quinn whilst still maintaining an actual coherent personality, which was a challenge lemme tell you! If you want to see that, let me know and I'll pop it into a separate post because it'll be LONG.

But I will say that one big, overarching thing that'll make all this work is that MC reads as really genuine. Her intent matches her actions. I actually go into this in the next chapter in relation to Quinn, but it applies to MC too. I think this would be a super important part of attraction for monsters.

Anyway! Onto the Quinn and MC backstory. I'm happy to answer this because it's not really a spoiler and I don't (yet) have plans to actually write it (it may come up at some point tho). I will put it under the cut, though, if anyone would rather learn this as I drip feed it into the story you won't be spoiled.

MC fell for Quinn first, or at least was able to identify her feelings as romantic, much earlier. They become friends at 15 and it takes MC like, a week, to realise that she's attracted to Quinn physically and then another one to work out that she's interested romantically too. MC is into a lot of people, so this isn't particularly groundbreaking or intense at first, but when her feelings start to grow beyond casual attraction, things get more serious.

Teenage Quinn was hella repressed (in soft, as it began, she's having some serious Gay Panic but doesn't have the emotional framework to describe it) and also didn't have a bunch of friends, so didn't actually understand that her feelings for MC were romantic. She just Really Likes this girl and has funny feelings around her, so what? They're just besties. Besides, MC could have anyone she wanted and if she was into Quinn, surely she would've said something, right? Right?!?

Meanwhile, MC thinks that Quinn wouldn't be interested and that she has wayyyy too much to deal with already without adding her best friend having a crush on her on top of it all (this is the beginning of MC acting in what she thinks are Quinn's best interests and trying to spare her feelings), so she doesn't say anything. She thinks can read Quinn pretty well at this point, surely she'd be able to tell if Quinn was into her because she'd start acting differently, right? Right?!?

This all comes to a head in MC's bedroom when they're both 16, so a year into the friendship. It is not very romantic - they're passing a bottle of chambord stolen from MC's parents between them and simultaneously feeling very drunk from the alcohol and very sick from all of the sugar, they've just finished trying to scrub said liqueur from the carpet because Quinn accidently knocked it over and now there's a stain in the pile, it's a school night, the second Twilight movie is playing on MC's TV and Bella is October, November, December-ing, and MC just looks at Quinn, in ratty pajamas and hair greasy, lips stained purple and eyebags dark under the harsh yellow glow of the ceiling light and just... blurts it all out.

Quinn doesn't get to respond until the next morning, though, because MC follows the confession up by vomiting all over the carpet and the caretaking and clean-up that follows takes at least half an hour, and then MC falls asleep.

[bluiex]

Hey! Is me! The anon that give you the spire family AU cause I need help with some things cause I’m finally working on it again!!!

First let’s set the scene to help you(me) visualise the story better! I think it’s set like some of the Empires still exist just to expand the world, Shopping centre is still shopping centre but it’s like the resort in Mystreet season 6, with like the tower thing in the middle and all other like islands(aka like Aqua town and stuff like that) are. Mother Spore is like on this Erie off coast of the shopping centre that was originally connected to the shopping centre but when humans came they destroyed the eco system that connect them</3

(We keeping the Undergrove, Overgrown, Ocean Empire(Swamp is literally just like under the rule of the ocean empire), Meazalia(?), and Grimlands(cause imagine, Count fWhips twin sister ‘KIDNAPPED’ by the evil Mother Spore! Is so funny!!)

Kept the Undergrove cuase im thinking it’s like where the sporelings are most accepted(cause Shubble’s well- a gnome- but she’s got her whole mushroom thing so I’m making her bestie with Mother Spore)

(THIS GIVE ME AN IDEA!!! Everyine else trying to find where Mothers Spire other hide out is: Shubble having FUCKING TEA with Mother Spore: And i told her, that he was a cheat but she just gaslit me!)

So like Lizzie. Let’s make her God of the Ocean cause obvi! Jimmy’s like the Demi god who fell in love with mortals(cause my heart PAINS for that</3)

Lizzie and her Human Joel who just- “What? Noo gods don’t exist.”

Kathrine is the kinda queen that pretends to be a peasant and is friends with her whole kingdom without a single one (-The guards cause incase she gets hurt) knowing(Scott use to live in the Overgrown)

(IM PUTTING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD OF THE UNDERGROWN CAUSE ITS MEANT TO BE LIKE THEIR OPPOSITES THAT OBTRACT!!)

fWhip has gone insane when Scott hurt Gem in ESMP1 so what happeneds when she gets ‘kidnapped’? HE GOES SO INSANE ITS FUNNY LIKE AT 3AM THERES LIKE A GUARD COMING TO TAKE HIS POST AND FWHIP RUNS PAST “WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO???YOUR MY ONLY BRAINCELL AND ILL KILL ANYONE AND EVERYONE INVOLVED WITH YOUR DISAPPEARANCE!” And the guards just like “He pays me enough…but it really could be more”

So the sporelings-

Scott’s brother Spore- like I’ve mentioned before-

Pearl’s Scott’s actually sister so just cause if that she sister spore but it’s like when a princess runs away from being a princess except she doesn’t know she running.

All the resistance members are still there obvi! (Stress, Impulse, Ren,  Doc, Jevin, XB, Etho)

But also Sausage went cause Scott flirted with him.

Joey’s there cause Xornoth(Scott’s cousin) is there-(that’s real gay)

Lauren(cause I her😭) is Xornoth’s sister, went with her cousin cause that’s her bestie!

(There are just random NPCs, some are there cause Scott flirted with them. Some went cause they thought Grian was hot. NPCs are gay/thirsty as hell.)

HEP are all scientist

Zed’s that one that’s like super smart, gets like a lot of the important info but does stupid shit- like drops the very poisonous specimen then says “Oopies!”

Pix is there cause I feel like he just does it for ironically.

TFC(I miss him😭) was a scientist that left and joined the Sporelings but instead reminded Grian of his dad, and he’s like like “Da- Grandpa spore.”

Ofcourse Theres NPC duh!

Now….WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH MUMBO??? Is he sporeling, random gardener, redstone shop owner or just a nobody? OR LIKE AN EX BESTFRIEND/LOVER OF GRIAN CASUE I LIVE FOR DRAMA!!!!

I’m still working on placing all the other hermits and an one else I want to add. They’ll all get something special, even if just one scene. 

Okay that’s all from 2am anon! Okay, Bye bye! Love you! Eat food! Drink water! Stay safe!

-🌺🪸🥀

I love all of this! I wish I could give you ideas of my own but brain mush atm 😭

But Jsut know I'm absolutely living for this. And I think Mumbo should be a sporling

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Happy Tender Tuesday! If you could choose your favorite traits in any of your character's romantic relationships, what you it be? What would you say is the most important thing in said relationship for each of the characters involved?

Soooooooooooooo sorry for the late response! I've been suuuuuuuuper busy.

Thank you for the ask. This is a really good question!

I personally believe that communication is a key element of a healthy, positive romantic relationship (or any relationship, for that matter - even with family). I mean, when you think about it, a lot of the biggest issues in most ships on tv/books/movies and stuff all come down to misunderstandings and disagreements that could have easily been avoided by having a proper conversation lol.

(It's super annoying to me when a pointless misunderstanding pops up in the middle of a movie JUST as a contrived way to trigger a "third act break up" scene...)

I don't typically want to give my characters this problem. This is why for most of the ships that I write, I tend to have at least one character that isn't entirely useless when it comes to effective communication.

For my two Steph's Crew ships, I try to incorporate this rule. I'd say that Ben is the emotionally mature one in his and Steph's relationship overall, but they have pretty solid and effective communication all around... mostly. I mean, at the start, it's great! But once they go long distance, things change a bit. Mostly from Stephanie's end. She kind of closes herself off and downplays how much she's struggling with the distance. The thing with her though, is that she hates not expressing how she truly feels, so this is all kind of building up to a moment when she has this huge breakdown, leading her to make a change in her life.

(Can't really give more away without spoiling future posts lol)

But I'd say that's probably the thing I like most about Stephanie (in regards to her romantic relationships). It's the fact that she's honest about her feelings and she has the nerve to make tough choices.

Bret and Elise are a slightly different case, though (mostly because they are a newly formed couple, not a long-standing one like Stephanie and Ben. They're in the honeymoon stage lol). I wanted to give them a few weeks of just happiness and sweet moments and fun times before things go off the rails... because of course it will.

These two are comfortable sharing stuff with each other - they're besties, after all. Bret loves being with Elise - she makes him really happy, and he just wants to make her as happy as she makes him. That's the nice thing about Bret, in my opinion - he's a sensitive soul (more so than he lets on lol). People that feel deeply tend to love deeply also. However, he has a lot of issues that he struggles to open up about (with anyone, not just El) for a couple of reasons, and this puts a lot of strain on their relationship later on in the story.

And Elise doesn't really know how to deal with him. She's out of her depth, for a couple of valid reasons - she's never been in a romantic relationship with anyone before, so she's navigating all this stuff for the very first time, she comes from a family that's kind of cold and private and rigid, preferring to deal with things like this in a particular way, so her upbringing may not be the best preparation one could have for dealing with matters of the heart lol, etc. But the good thing about El is that she's very mature, perceptive, and she learns quickly. She gets the hang of things and finds a way to deal with their problems properly. This is the reason why she's rather good at maintaining relationships in her life (she makes friends really quickly, despite the fact that she's naturally quite shy and super introverted, and she's the only person in her family that still has a close relationship with Adam after he got kicked out).

So yeah. Needless to say, there were already several issues going into this ship that they weren't properly taking the time to address (because they're just having too much fun on ~Honeymoon Avenue~ lol) until things start to go crazy later on in the story. That's all I'm going to say about that.

So yeah! These are the main traits from my ships that I admire a lot (from each character).

Hope this answers your question!

[skybristle]

okay so the thing ive been following almond (good coffe and hot) for a while and i seen sundae mentioned every once a while. Who is sundae what is its purpose, like not trying to be rude but i dont know shit about her

[pls rb i put a lot of thought/effort into these posts, especially my own ocs!!]

literally copy/pasted all of this from a discord conversation so some of it might not make complete sense but . Sorry . also extra sorry to @/official-tbd for putting up with my shit in real time

this is really long and also. spoilers for suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, murder, mauling, generally super fucked up mental states and like . Sundae is really fucked up her lore is not for the faint of heart

starting with explaining my fanons magic mechanics because . Theyre important i promise . if you recongize the series i stole like half of this from no you dont.

SO BASICALLY there r a shitton of kinds of magic and practices and whatnot, primarily into 3 categories [shamanic [like . What affogato does], witchy [relying on potions/alchemy/physical ingredients and curses to produce magical results], and what's primarily practiced in parfaedia ; 'true' magic [typically relying on a mage gift in the user, which ill explain more thoroughly]. They're not,,, mutually exclusive and overlap a lot and there's others and its very messy but thats kidna the point and this is the best brief explanation i can give. Okay. Sounds of insanity and barking in my enclosure

So basically a mage gift is like. Generally you're born with it, can be inhereted or random and its fairly common, especially in parfaedia where there's such a high concentration of mages / magic in general. though it takes a while to properly show up , usually in preteen/teenage years but some r different. And they stay dormant up until then. it's basically a part of you in the way an organ/muscle/bloodstream kinda all three is and for all intensive purposes a stable magic system is just as important to your living as anything else. magic will show up when it will and basically never pops up early, usually only under severe duress where typically that explosion of magic Will Never End Well, and it's exponentially worse depending on how powerful the mage was originally and will generally leave their magic system permanantly kinda fucked up depending in which way it blew up. I thinkkkk thats everything important ??

so sundae is just a really pathetic wet paper bag of a kid . Kinda hopelessly in the worst parts of the city, an orphan, and not doing so hot because . Pathetic ass can't steal for shit which is kinda the only option and when it gets cold in parfaedia It Gets Cold.

So she's left to basically die due to a shitstorm of untreated diseases/starvation/hypothermia . Rip queen . Thats actually it actually she dies in some alley end of story sorry for the dissapointment /j

But no seriously actually she's laying there kinda accepting Damn im really gonna die until some asshole smacks her, shoves a canteen in her face and asks her if she's okay. SPOILER ALERT thats crumble he's also an orphan who is doing Slightly Better|

so he's like HEY CUNT want to . Not die and usndaes like oughshhshdh and he's like "i'll take that as a yes :]" and drags her off to a shitty attic of an abandoned building somewhere he proudly proclaims is his home base and nurses her back to health . Love wins. queue 20 years of friendship and codependency that totally wont end in tragety

i should mention they aren't ever romantically involved in any way. sundae's pan and crumble's bi but they arent into eachother they're just SO bestie. maybe QPLPs

but yeah they're very close and so so bestie . And also stupid kids <3 crumble is a huge thief and just steals so much shit even if it isnt important . He's a moderate kleptomaniac tbh but things r,,, Okay??? but it ends up so that sundae feels useless and like a leech on crumble's life since she can't rlly keep up,,, and she so desprately wants to escape but is completely powerless. And is like,,,, mostly convinced she's born on the streets to die on the streets and develops a pretty fucked up sense of self worth and general morality. Oops. This totally wont come back with a vengance

So uh. Turns out sundae has a very powerful mage gift brewing that she has no idea about . untillll tragety strikes, crumble gets caught stealing, and given how the authorities rlly dont give a shit about this place the merchant decides to kill the problem . So sundae freaks the FUCK out understandably so because that's her bestie and also her lifeline and uh . In the heat of her panic as crumby is about to get his throat slit or something The Entire Fucking Alley Bursts Into Flames [Including The People There]

[except crumby] [he does get his arms scorched pretty badly from trying to shove the assailant off and said assailant bursting into flames but him and sundae are relatively unscathed. Except sundae's mage gift literally exploded and she's in really bad agony from that even if there's nothing physically wrong with her oopsieee]

Sundae's kinda having a crisis and crumble is like WOW thats so cool :] but sundae kinda realizes eventually. Holy shit she has magic and begs crumble to steal some magic books for her. she finally has hope that she could have a way she and crumble can get out of here, bordering on obsession

But you see her magic is all fucked up and wacky . She eventually bullies it into behaving normally for proper spells but uh. Getting to that point is desperate and requires a bit of help from the crescent moon. She's barely aware of how DANGEROUS this is and is like :] and self teaches herself magic. She's actually surprisngly good at it but gets more and more investedi n darker magics

it gives her an edge,,, and when she has to fight for her place and to climb,,,, Well,,,, it feels like it doesnt have a choice. Not realizing how insanely powerful its gift actually is . It's part of the tragety of her story; this really never had to happen. When the downfall was completely avoidable but the character doesn't know this >>>>>

there arent,,, really any drawblacks. she notices her hands r blackened with claws after a while . not a big deal, she thinks, but it's the first sign of magical corruption. Which. weaponizes your mind to feed on misery and despair you cause after a while! though sundae is none the wiser and it takes a long time for it to really set root in her magic and start with the mindfuckery

she gets very good at magic ; her ways r kinda backwards from being mostly self taught and shes missing some stuff but her intellegence makes up for it. she's really good at spellcasting [think complicated shields, locks, etc etc rather than the showier artistic /offensive magics] though is fairly well rounded. She slowly climbs up the economic ladder and takes crumble with eachother, obviously, they need eachother

crumble is so good and kind and sundae needs that grounding desprately. she always thinks about him when thinking about her future, how one day they'll be comfy and rich and happy, both of them together. he's her bestie!!

he relies on her for direction in life,,, a lot. he's really a guy about living in the moment but he would have never escaped the slums alone . and also he's desperate for companionship and relies on her as a shoulder to lean on

I <3 CODEPENDENCIES

mainly she doesnt have to worry about offensive magicsince generally throwing her insane fucked up raw fire magic at something solves the problem [it does its best to ignore the streaks of black in the flames]

she uses a necklace crumble gave to her and enchants it to mask the magical effects of her growing corruption, thinking it'll ruin her social chances over it being an actual danger to herself because she doesnt know any better. I forgot to mention every mage has a sort of 'magical signature' and you can read it / know who it is if you know the mage unless its specifically masked. So sundae figures out how to mask it's own, giving the impression of just batshit fire magic rather than something even more fucked up

She just . ignores it. it cant cause any problems right? and tbh the magic acadamy when she finally gets to peer into the famed institute just enforces that . There are practicing dark mages and it isnt a big deal. she's a good person. she wouldn't let something bad happen. it doesnt matter.

she also has a motivation of so badly wanting to get to a good spot so she could help people like her. make actual changes rather than languish in misery over her upbringing. she wants to do good so bad. she cant be some evil dark mage. she's better than that. she knows that.

[she doesnt realize the caviat to dark magic is having to actively prevent it's spread until its far too late]

and it eventually, finally, makes its way into the institute. as a teacher!! she proves herself despite her questionable background and is allowed to finally have a stable job + help people!! budding students and lots of charity work on the side, it's great. For now. it's finally happy, crumble is loving working with kids even if he isn't technically employed,,, + the entire school third wheels for it and latte when its obvious theyre fruity HFDSLJKFDSK. and they're happy and gay and happy and sundae makes friends among the institute and . Ya !!

It's all great. Until it isn't!

sundae has a lot of intrustive thought set in, mostly revolving around violence, particularly towards people she cares about. it starts sparsely at first, then just gets worse and worse over time . its terrified of speaking out and making the people around it think less of it after its fought so hard to get recongition. she keeps her mouth shut and prays it doesnt get worse. it wont get worse

it gets worse and worse until she's convinced she's going to hurt someone. it wont go away. it's completely terrified and locks itself in its lab, convinced she'll get better, convinced she'll figure out a spell or cure or something. it's so used to having magic save everything in her life she doesnt even realize it's the problem. her thoughts are constantly plagued by violent fantasties and even self harm, digging her claws into her skin until it bleeds. Trying to claw whatever's wrong with her out. it's eventually in a haze of angry pacing and nobody knows what's going on as days and weeks go buy of thrashing and breaking glass fill the room. they're all worried about her but scared of going in since sundae is scarily powerful and who knows what she'll do in this state. Everyone's stuck.

and crumble is the most freaked out. this is his best friend and lifelong partner, and he's wracked with terror she might hurt herself in there. he knows something is wrong, obviously, and they've known eachother for so long. he'll be safe. he'll talk to it. he'll help it. he's as confident as he can be as he lockpicks the door and cracks it open

she practically begs him, crying, backing up into a wall to leave, to please, please just get away and hide and never come out. it's so scared but it feels powerless. It doesnt know what it can do anymore. even to him. she's been used to her magic being unable to touch him, it knowing intrisicly that he is not to be harmed.

but she loses her grip on her mind in short order, and well. Her magic isn't the thing that kills him

It's her own claws. it mauls him. and there's nothing it can do to stop it

when she's back to herself, the worst part is now she's fully lucid. she knows what she's done and panics, tearing her lab apart and doing all sorts of irresponsible and borderline suicidal spells to fix it, in an absolutely grief maddened and paniced state as eyes turn inwards and crumble's 'gone missing'. It's only a matter of time until the truth comes out. and it's painfully aware of that. all of the spells it tries results in failure and she has to deal with the fact that her grounding is dead and it's all her fault. They're closing in. her paranoia is getting worse and worse all over again. the extensive spells only make her corruption worse, giving her her tail and trailing up along her face until its impossible to hide. it's fucked, and eventually is lead to no further choice. it flees and , while looking latte in the eyes and holding crumble's body, spins up a portal to seemingly nowhere and whispers an apology before vanishing into the flaming rim. all of the magic use and lack of sleep and everything should have killed her, but it didnt, but with its entire life basically gone it fucking wishes it did. god forbid a she/it have anything

turns out the place she portaled to [note, a super draining spell you do not take lightly] seemed to be nowhere to those observing, but was the place her and crumble met. in a daze, hoping that if she uses enough magic and pushes herself and is stupid enough with it it'll do her in. she halfheartedly pulls up a curtain of illusion and begins ripping up the concrete and building a grave, a silent beauty in the middle of nowhere. she's fully expecting that when the magical blowback takes hold it will kill her, but she needs to lay him to rest first. she buries him under a clandescent silver and autumn tree grown with nothing but magic, closes in the illusions and hiding of this sacred place, and lays down to die

But it doesn't.

like obviously Suicide Isnt Good Kids but like . God does she want to. she's already lost her life but she isnt dead

idk it just gets me so badly about how what kills crumble is his love. he wants her to be okay and he wants to help her so badly, and his love blinds him from the truth of how dangerous she is. and it's the reason he's buried under that tree. their dynamic and codependency actually makes me level 5 critical insane

but yeah. she comes back around very much not dead, in agony and barely able to move but alive and slowly recovering, and she really,,, realizes what she did, realizes the weight of the corruption now spread all along her body. the lagging tail trailing behind her and weighing her down, literally and metaphorically. and it Does Not Cope Well

but it comes out with the conclusion that she really is bad. she was a bad person all along. a stupid, stupid, bad person. and shes desperate for control back of her life, desperate to see something again.

so in her fucked up state, she hangs the necklace on the tree branches, steps outside the curtain, and embraces it. embraces that she's fucked up and sick in the head. and desprate for control she turns to Crime !

she's exactly back where she started, the slums, but oh, now she has power. and she's going to make it everyone elses problem. it's completely fucking miserable the entire time though obvioudly.

it gets deep into parfaedia's criminal underground,,,and while i wouldnt call it a mob boss it's associated with a lot of bad people and her magical corruption is thriving off it. it loves the misery and control and pain she's inflicting at its whim. a lot of murder and violence and magic and stuff, all under the radar of her being thought dead [who wouldnt after all that insane magic usage and a likely suicide] and her impeccable ability to hide her tracks

she feels awful constantly but tries to sweep herself up into the glamour and power of it all,,, and its like,,, Half working

and life continues as normal back at the institute,,, mostly. they scrub her and crumble clean of all records, and latte especially quietly greives, never really taking on another lover just because what she had with sundae never received closure and she cant really get over it. the only thing that remains of sundae is old newspapers, pictures in latte's desk, and empty frames in the staff hall

years later, when light the beacons happens sundae's curiosity is peaked, but once it blows over and is handled she just ignores it. it isnt relevant to what she's doing here.

BUT THEN it happens again , on a much larger scale [war on shattered skies] [the one tea knight and eclair were introduced in] [except tea knight doesnt exist and never did im devsis] and sundae tries to blow it over but she watches from the shadows as the city she loves is torn apart and the dragon has only come back stronger, and the mages are losing. badly.

sundae, despite everything, still holds onto her deepset want to do good. in the end all she wants to do is be good, even if she's given up on chasing it.

but in that moment she hesitates, sighs, and then gives up her spot in the shadows as flames spool out from her palms. blackened chains drag the dragon into the fire, and it's a messy attack spell, one that's a massive drain, but it's effective, and really sundae doesnt care what she does to herself anymore

and with terror, latte and eventually others recongize the magic signature of someone they thought had been dead for years

but sundae suceeds and, because of her excessive magic use and careless nature of going about it, she drops unconcious, leading everyone with a massive mess to clean up

they worry more about picking her up and letting her recover and cleaning up the mess the rifts left [the dragon was the most apparant issue, but there r tons of other beasts running around] and THEN latte fights with almond about it being let off the hook because "well officer we used to bang" and also like she IS the reason parfaedia isnt a pile of smoldering rubble rn. And she convinces him eventually because uhhhh i said so . FUck you girlboss powers .

and sundae expects to wake up to an interrogation,,, but,,, doesnt??? latte asks if she's okay, where the hell was she, and what happened,,,,, and Wow does it hit sundae all of this could have been prevented if she just asked for help. They loved her. they could have helped her. they would have helped her. but it insisted on fighting alone

and she just . Augh it all hits her and she breaks down and latte comforts her and despite being at her lowest things are looking up

Over time and with a lot of help she slowly heals and gets a grip on her mind, her corruption doesnt go away but retreats back to a more managable state and while she'll never be the same, she's stable, and happier. she doesnt return to work, but helps wawa learn magic in private, and eventually branches back to hanging out and reconnecting with old friends, as well as mending her relationship with latte. love wins !

she also obtains baby later [mocha milkshake] and mocha has her own moderately angsty shit going on [not nearly as bad] but TBH i dont want to get into it any also . God this is so fucking long do you REALLY want to read more.

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] going by quaggyday's ask if that's ok to intercept- but tbh i agree with that perspective too!! like gosh if anything it's actually a really nice depiction when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense. cus like, to me in my dumb poopoo terms, that karma is the residual corrupted power from the dead gods yeah? and this comes from either those that are stronger than him or not. what lumine can or cannot get rid of with her purification abilities depends too, and even for her she doesnt know the extent that this unknown ability provides since the start (since it's pretty sudden but useful trait when treating dvalin)

there's plenty of interpretations and fics that get me a lil pressed that ppl wants his karmic debt to ~~disappear completely~~ for a happy end, when how i personally see things it doesnt need to be the case bc its all about his growth. not that xiao needs to be in constant suffering when he already is, still, but that highlights so much of the importance of his support system, the people who can guide him and help lessen the pain with whatever they can manage. and it doesnt have to center to lumine too, which is another common thing that gets me a lil icky in their stories that she's the only person who can save him (and other ppl with the purification ability, which i dont need to mention who).

putting a difference of whats inside karma, between the gods power and chronic pain as an effect is super good and is what i thought of too!! and true as heck that it's something xiao's body has been accustomed to and even if the corruption chips away bit by bit, it doesnt completely rid of whats already damaged and even then, healing comes so slow for an adeptus. especially if the source being dead gods of higher power. this is something his siblings couldnt overcome long enough in their lifespan, and what xiao is still trying to push back (or accept it, and in turn he suffers more of its effects). so like!!! it just makes sense this way imo

i love pondering of his karmic debt being a metaphor of chronic illness cus man is he fighting so hard for it, and the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal. which is sad as hell, and we all copiums together how to at least make it a lil easier for xiao yknow. explodes too

"when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense" real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god and with lumine not knowing the extent of her own ability,, and yeah no like. in my perfect world the karmic debt is very under control and no longer agonizing or life threatening but i dont think i could ever believe it going away Completely, and i think that if it DID vanish completely itd be a huge disservice to. everyone involved, xiao included. no he does not deserve to be in pain 24/7 but this is something hes willingly accepted and carried with him for so long, something he probably feels has shaped him, i just. idk itd feel so fucking Weird for it to just magically be completely gone ?? it does something and sends a message i cant figure out how to put into words, as opposed to being able to live with it and in spite of it and show that you dont need to be ""cured"" just to be able to exist and be content and supported and loved.

"the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal." IM GOING TO SOB THIS HITS SO HARD AND HURTS SO BAD GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD what if we exploded Together. what then.

[latibvles]

oooohhhhhh okay for the Director's Cut game I'm super interested in anything involving the nurse squad or James because they're all icons 👀

in reference to this ask.

I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna talk about both. Because I like them and as I'm typing this is probably gonna need a keep reading because there's a lot to say about them in terms of their creation.

But we're gonna start with James because that's my baby boy forever :)

SO James was actually created ... second, after Daisy. In the initial story Daisy and Ron were gonna be true exes, Dear John letter and all — but I eventually fell in love with this idea of them being an "almost", an uncertainty, a chapter that never ended. As I began to characterize Daisy more, it kinda clicked — "she has a brother, doesn't she?"

I've said before that you will likely never meet James in the main plot of the story. He's in the Pacific as a marine, and we know the war in the Pacific rages for a while after the war ends in Europe. But still, his presence lingers and for good reason. James, as he is, provides a sort of comfort for both Daisy and Ron. He's funny, charismatic, sarcastic and outgoing — balancing out these two characters who are... fairly introverted (which I tried to emulate in that graduation photo through the differences in their smiles). James Clarke fully embodies the good times, the better memories. If Ron is the enigmatic, legendary soldier, James is the All-American Soldier Boy.

I really try to humanize Ron as much as possible because while I love that he is an enigmatic figure, Daisy isn't falling in love with that — she's falling in love with the man himself and honestly giving Ron this childhood best friend who is so different from him, and giving Daisy this family unit that expands beyond herself (while also establishing this very picturesque "American dream" family for the Clarkes that is important later down the line) really added a sort of depth to them that I've fallen in love with. Even with only three lines, James has his charms, and a lot of his decisions affect Daisy.

Now onto the nurse squad, more specifically the core four as we will call them because they are the OGs, even though soon our little nurse group with expand :)

Many characters in SBT embody something. James is comfort, Ron is change. I knew immediately that I wanted Daisy to have people to rely on, people who take care of her and people she takes care of. Enter: the original draft of the nurse squad.

I played a lot with personalities — their creation order was Ginny, Patty, and then Rita. They truly do embody resilience in difficulty. They find the joy in little things and each of them has their own motivations for being there, their own individual backstories (that I could go on about for ages). But when I was making them I also didn't want it to be like "oh this is the funny one! she's the loud one! she's the shy one!" so it took a while to really understand and develop the dynamics between them.

They bring out the best of each other which once again is a very... humanizing thing and allow each other a space to be vulnerable. Band of Brothers does a really good job of establishing this sort of bond every soldier shares. It's a theme that I wanted to maintain even if we aren't with Easy Company all the time. The women have their own bond, trying to save lives in a war zone, serving under fire, watching boys and men lose their lives despite their best efforts to save them. There's nothing quite like it and a lot of Daisy's moments of vulnerability generate from this safe space of the nurse squad.

They are iconic, they are besties, and having just... healthy female companionship with no room for envy or bitterness where girls can still be girls and laugh and cry and find light in the grimmest of circumstances was something this fic needed.

[chisatowo]

uhhh rei or hina or lisa or touko or kasumi or tsugumi <- sorry for so many i just love hearing ur bandori thoughts

I shall now do several of them because I love sharing my bandori thoughts :]

Rei:

First impression: woah holy shit there's a whole other band in the japanese servers??? Also hee hee that one looks silly

Impression now: my absolute beloved light of my life I want slink you over my shoulders like a blanket and then throw you (affectionate) and also hee hee you look silly

Favorite moment: that moment in the second film live when she talks abt liking sasanqua. Number one part of that thing that ruined my life how dare they /pos

Idea for a story: I generally just wanna see them interact with more of the cast, but in particular I wanna see them and Touko interact, so I think it'd be funny to force them to colab on a song or smth. Im thinking like a music festival involving multiple schools that's particularly big this year thanks to Touko's school being involved too, but the rest of morfonica couldn't make it so they bullied Rei into helping or smth like that. Idk again I just wanna see them interact

Unpopular opinion: I don't actually ship Rei and Tae, I think they're cute but I like it when Layer has to 3rd wheel everyone too much sorry <3

Favorite relationship: probably her and Chu2? I'm not actually sure tbh I also like her and Lisa's friendship

Favorite headcanon: crinkly bones

Hina:

First impression: hm ur a little rude but I think ur just blunt we'll see how things go

Impression now: the character of all time. Honestly one of the best written bandori characters in my opinion she is so so dear to me

Favorite moment: like all of them but if I had to chose one then probably her realising she's loved during the wonderful sweet event? Shout out to every time she's talked abt Aya tho, ur so pathetic Hina <3333

Idea for a story: either something from her rock bottom period of her life or smth from current times abt her thinking a bit on how complicated of a history she has with her school, it having been the setting of both the worst period of her life and her recovery from it. Idk just with her graduating soon I think it'd be nice to write abt how she feels abt her school as she's almost ready to leave it

Unpopular opinion: I don't think she abd Sayo should or will live together in the future, I think it's rly important that despite still being very important to eachother and their relationship improving that they're still building towards having a sense of self and life outside of eachother, and that's ultimately so much healthier for them and allows them to have a healthier relationship as siblings too.

Favorite relationship: Hina and Chisato make me lose my mind but that's probably partially the Chisato bias djfnzjdg those characters sure can parallel.

Favorite headcanon: Hina is the only one of the 3rd years that's a good driver. Like scarily so. She just drives so normally it's freaky. There has to be a catch but there isn't she's just the only one who drives like a normal person

Touko:

First impression: oh we blond person

Impression now: *ponts* adhd haver. I care you so so much.

Favorite moment: again it's hard to pick one but uhhhh that one story where they take notes by just writing down words to describe the energy of Nanami's playing in their mind? Idk why that scene in particular always stood out so much to me but it does

Idea for a story: Touko and Tsukushi have deep talks™ abt romance and sexuality before they decide to stack on top pf each other to reach a book and Tsukushi has to go home from school early 😔 I actually do wanna write this one that's why I'm being super vague fmfbdj

Unpopular opinion: I genuinely don't get any Touko ships I've seen. Maybe it's just my aro bias but I don't get it I just don't </3

Favorite relationship: Touko Tsukushi bestie moments means the world to me y'all don't even know. Every now and then I remember them and just need to lie down for a bit I love them so so much

Favorite headcanon: nonbinary aro lesbian Touko <33333 it's genuinely such an important hc to me, one of my biggest comfort hcs tbh

Tsugumi:

First impression: wow that sure is some girl

Impression now: he's just some guy except he's also a freak at the same time. He's also a lesbian. I also love him.

Favorite moment: just the entirety of the comic panic story, I love that story sm

Idea for a story: gender

Unpopular opinion: idk how much this counts but I love transmasc Tsugumi who very much gets to look like a grill dad eventually very much. Also I think ppl should think abt them more outside of sayotsugu love and light

Favorite relationship: despite what I just said I am indeed a sucker for sayotsugu. But also shout out to Ran and Himari <3

Favorite headcanon: not counting gender uhhhh she's eaten a bathbomb before along with a shit ton of other very non editable things you could hand her anything and their first instinct would probably be to eat it

[bleu-sang]

Just wanna take a minute to talk about two shows with queer & poc characters that I watched recently who I think deserve to be talked about more :

First off : "The Imperfects" follows the story of three young adults pursuing a mad scientist who experimented on them & gave them some kinds of "super-powers" that they can't handle.

Important fact : one of them is a south asian ace (wlw) who comes out right from the start and she never receives any weird/aphobic comments about it so it's a really big deal for the ace community. Also her character doesn't revolves around it, it's only reminded a few times & that's all.

[Little spoiler you will soon know if you watch the series but one of the women who was experimented on developped "super-hearing" and as someone suffering from hyperacusis, it was really a big deal to see someone with similar struggles on a show, I really felt for her.]

There is some short scene of mlm flirting too and even if it doesn't turn into anything more, the way it's just seen as normal for the characters presents at the time is just gold.

Something that really made me like this series too is the fact that none of the characters are depicted as inherently evil (except maybe one) ; they all have their reasons and (most of them) really think they are doing what's best

Not that important but I love how the "evil scientist" always wears nail polish and it suits him ok?? I love it. Also his voice is nice

Secondly, "Heartbreak High" is about two besties who grow apart after the discovery of a "wall of sex" where they'd write down all their classmates' sex life and then have to take sex ed classes with everyone involved to learn how to have safe sex. (Lots of highschool drama, looks a little like Sex Education but I personally like it better even though I only watched 4 episodes so far.)

Starting by what's best : there's a black amab non-binary gay character using they/them pronouns who never got misgendered so far, except a little by their parents but you can see them struggle and I really like the fact that it shows that it's not always easy to get used to it at first (+ they got it right by ep 2)

There's also an autistic lesbian with a love for glitter & cute make-up looks whom I absolutely love. Also [little spoiler but even though her girlfriend made a bad comment when she came out as autistic, she instantly took it back & tried her best to accommodate to her sensory issues.]

Bonus : the black woman who teach the sex ed classes is really down to kill heteronormativity (one of her first lines is about how they only teach sex ed in a heteronormative way & she angry) and she's actually trying her best to teach useful stuffs to her students (even if they don't really listen, we still learn stuffs from her classes). She is my queen & she is nothing but kindness.

Also,, main character with Indian origins. That's all, just think it's important to note that not everyone is white. A lot of characters aren't white in that show, it's good, I like it.

[Edit I : episode 4 just got really queer]

[Edit II : we got polyamory too, gays let's go]

So far we got a good amount of queer, poc (and one neurodivergent) characters from these shows. Yes, there could be more but I still think these shows are groundbreaking for the way they treated said characters and helped normalize/visibilize different minorities.

Wich is why I'm sad no one is talking about them. People on Tumblr always get me hooked on good shows but somehow these two totally passed under the radar and I hate it because they deserve to be seen.

(I didn't talk about all the poc in these shows but they are here, and there are a lot more of them than in most boring white cisheteronormative shows I have to watch most of the time where they just pick one or two poc for the sake of "diversity" or sum shit)

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 09 first part

(Masterpost) (More Canary Funsies)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

This episode features so many eternal minutes of zombie shambling that I thought I could fit everything into a single post. HA HA HA HA nope. 

Zombie Temple

The trio do their best to fend off the not-zombies in the temple. Lan Wangji tells Wei Wuxian that he can’t go carving them up because they’re not actually dead, and drops a callback to their very first meeting at the gate of Cloud Recesses, when Wei Wuxian caught his attention with his pillowy lips comment on the not-dead cultivator. 

Lan Wangji: You said it in that golden moment that will be seared into my memory for eternity, where I heard your voice and laid eyes on your angelic face and lost my heart forever, remember? Come on, babe, it was our very first zombie! How baked were you?

Wei Wuxian: I jerk off to the sword-fighting memory, not the zombie memory, you weirdo.

Nie Huaisang’s fear of the definitely not undead has apparently gotten him the rest of the way over his fear of Lan Wangji, because he’s now yelling “Lan-Xiong!” right along with “Wei-Xiong!” as he struggles. Note that although he later mentions that his fan is made of some fancy metal, we don’t see any evidence that he wants to fight with a fan any more than he does with a blade. I don’t hate anyone’s fan-fighting NHS headcanon, but my take is that he just isn’t a physical fighter, and that’s ok. 

This is a good time to remember that our entire experience of the Nie clan so far in this story is 1. Clever but hopelessly combat-unready tiny artiste Nie Huaisang 2. Quietly helpful, absurdly pretty sidekick Meng Yao. 

We don’t know yet that Nie Huasang’s gege and Meng Yao’s sugar daddy is literally the toughest motherfucker in the entire cultivation world. But his friends do! Which makes me love these dynamics even more, because not one of them criticizes Nie Huaisang for being the person he is. 

(more after the cut!)

Never Let Me Go

This scene is where Wei Wuxian gives his tacit consent to being used as the eventual agent of Nie Huaisang’s vengeance....ok not really.

But he does make it clear what Nie Huaisang should do when he’s in a pickle. And NHS doesn’t forget things.

Priorities 

Meanwhile, Lan Wangji isn’t nearly as patient as Wei Wuxian, and he drops a silence spell on Nie Huaisang basically out of annoyance. It’s not like they’re trying to be sneaky. 

Lan Wangji: How about you have an exquisitely crafted ceramic cup of shut the fuck up?

Flute Girl

Wen Qing comes to the rescue by summoning all of the not-zombies, who happen to be her extended family, to come toast some marshmallows. 

She’s another person who unwisely demonstrates, where Wei Wuxian can hear her, the power of flutes over zombies. 

This move doesn’t seem to do anything important but it looks cool. 

Brother Dynamic: Bad. Really Bad. 

Jiang Cheng shows up in the temple and trolls everyone, because this is a great time for childish antics. Wei Wuxian is super happy to see him and runs over to hug him, which earns him a shoulder slam. 

This is a regular part of their body language with each other. Wei Wuxian covers his hurt reaction very, very quickly, with a smile that doesn’t involve very much of his face. 

Ow

Wei Wuxian is so good at pretending his feelings aren’t hurt, he probably convinces himself. 

Then he gives a too-honest answer when Jiang Cheng accuses him of...daring to enjoy himself, basically.

That’s more truth than Jiang Cheng was looking for, and he raises a hand to Wei Wuxian, who hides behind Nie Huaisang. This move is interesting because on one level it’s just clowning; obviously Nie Huaisang can’t protect WWX from anything, and WWX doesn’t need protection from Jiang Cheng. 

WWX can easily beat JC in a fight, as he’s let us know before. On another level, this retreat signals WWX’s harmlessness, his childlike-ness, in a semiotic dance that has been playing out for over a decade between the brothers.  NHS is taking on Jiang Yanli’s role in the choreography, this time.   

All of this troubling hostility doesn’t make Jiang Cheng a bad person. He’s young and he’s still under his parents’ control and subject to their abuse at home. It takes time to develop mindfulness about this stuff and learn to treat people beneath you differently than the way you are treated. 

Jiang Cheng isn’t ready for that yet, any more than he is ready to say out loud that he cares about his brother. 

Leave My Boyfriend Out of It

This interaction is noteworthy for Wei Wuxian defending Lan Wangji to his brother, before Jiang Cheng even has a chance to blame Lan Wangji. 

Wei Wuxian says that following Lan Wangji was his own idea, and then gives LWJ the sweetest, warmest smile.

Lan Wangji also gets a pair of totally unearned, delighted smiles of thanks from his two besties when he lifts the silence spell on Nie Huaisang. 

Being mildly dickish all the time works out fine, I guess, if you only make friends with people whose brothers are legendary grouches.

Grilling Wen Qing

Wei Wuxian finally decides he’s had enough of Wen Qing’s crap, and gets slightly aggressive in questioning her.

He’s not actually roughing her up but he is approaching her as a near-enemy for the first time, rather than as someone who wants to be her friend. Once Wen Qing tells him what’s up and agrees to a sort of temporary alliance, he goes back to being his normal slightly awkward self with her. 

I don’t romance-ship WQ and WWX, except maybe as corpse-mountain era FWB, but I do like their chemistry. And their friendship is really refreshing and interesting, based on sharing goals and working together, not on emotional intimacy. It’s nice to see people with a lot of barriers around their hearts, building a strong, trusting bond without having to actually open up very much.

The idea of perfect sharing between people is a nice one, but it’s pretty alien to many of us who are recovering from trauma, or people who just aren’t wired that way, and it’s good to see other models of friendship and love. 

Wei Wuxian, at Lan Wangji’s direction, parts the Red Sea drops a cage on the other 3 cultivators before going to hunt the dire birdy.  

Jiang Chang is, predictably, pissed off about it, in spite of Wei Wuxian’s “you’re good at this” parting words, and says, according to the subtitles, “you bastard!”

“Bastard” is a pretty specific epithet, in English. In the current century, it’s generally used to mean “asshole,” more or less. But it still does carry the meaning “of illegitimate birth,” and since The Untamed is often concerned with legitimacy it seems pretty strong for JC to use with someone who is rumored to be his own Dad’s by-blow. 

Let’s have a look and see what he really is calling him... 你混蛋 =  Nǐ húndàn = “you bastard” per Google translate. Wow, Jiang Cheng, you really went there, huh. 

Wen Granny

Wen Qing and the others in the golden cage watch as the not-zombies try half-heartedly to get to them. Wen Qing is super sad about it, as opposed to the two guys who are just annoyed (Jiang Cheng) or scared (Nie Huaisang).

The first time I saw this, it was just - oh, Wen Qing sympathizes with this poor random woman, she feels bad about what's happening, this is to show us she has a heart.

Now though --  that's HER granny. Maybe not her bio-grandma but clearly a granny of her clan, who she knows well, who later cares for A-Yuan when he's a child, so may very well have cared for A-Qing and A-Ning when they were small, too. Owie.

Dire Bird Hunting

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian run off to hunt the smoke bird together. They are quickly trapped in cool-looking fog. Kudos to the Director of Photography.

They spend some time being confused and also being peak Wangxian 1.0 as they help each other out. 

Lost in the fog and unable to summon talismans, Wei Wuxian is mainly about checking on Lan Wangji, making sure he’s ok, making sure he’s near.  He doesn’t spare any worry for himself.

(We get a rare instance of seeing an actually glowing sword here, instead of just having a character say “I saw the beams of swords!” to save money on VFX.)

Lan Wangji, meanwhile, understands the mental attack they are under, explains it to Wei Wuxian with only a little snark about Wei Wuxian’s overly busy mind, and teaches him how to handle it.

Lan Wangji is super disciplined in mind, body, and sword - his fight moves don’t change, really, throughout his life, but he gets better and better at execution. Wei Wuxian isn’t exactly undisciplined, but he’s super creative and busts out a new skill in nearly every encounter. Lan Wangji sees this and is learning to make use of it.

After Lan Wangji helps Wei Wuxian overcome the confusion that is blocking his talisman use, he tells him which talisman to use. 

This isn’t a talisman that LWJ uses himself, it’s just that he’s paying very close attention to WWX’s battle moves, and has a great memory, so he knows which ones will work. In a pretty short timespan he’s moved from thinking like a solo swordsman to thinking as part of a team with a broad range of battle skills. Very soon, he’ll be starting to use Wei Wuxian’s talismans himself. 

WWX takes a hit from the flying death chain, but uses it to his advantage, as in so many encounters. He’s not just self-sacrificing--he is definitely that--but he’s also a chess player, knowing how to use a sacrifice or an injury to his advantage. Cue Lan Wangji being worried for the entire rest of his life.

Part Two is here!

[bookofmirth]

This is super random, but I was scrolling through some of your posts (I love your analysis/meta!) and I saw you reblogged a post about whether “casual readers” even considered the possibility of Gwynriel.

Two of my friends - who aren’t involved in fandom - really like Gwynriel and are somewhat indifferent to Elriel, even though they don’t look at fan theories or fanart (we just like to discuss the books together). So I definitely wouldn’t say that Gwynriel is a crackship or anything lmao. SJM obviously chose to include Gwyn in the bonus chapter for a reason and anyone could see that. Even if they don’t end up together, it’s clear she’s going to play a role in Azriel’s story.

We love to hear it! I send my friend fan art all the time now that she is caught up on the series. The last time I did she got super excited because she thought I was confirming gwynriel would be canon 😂

Honestly, the whole "casual readers" thing was some weird ass troll moment on an instagram post, I can't remember which one? Maybe an atomd gwynriel art drop? Not sure. I don't pay that much attention to Instagram fandom.

But your point about Gwyn playing a role later is so valid? Any Azriel theory about the next books that doesn't take Gwyn into account whatsoever, even in a friendship capacity, isn't worth anything, imo. Not even in my opinion, just full stop, it's worthless lmao. Azriel is good friends with her, and Nesta, and Emerie. The Valkyrie training is going to continue, and Azriel and Cassian are a big part of that. Gwyn isn't just going to disappear back into the library, she's a freaking Valkyrie and Carynthian and Nesta and Emerie's bestie for crap's sake.

(And before someone says "he wouldn't go so far as to call her a friend" that was halfway through the book and most of their interactions took place after. Should I point out what Feyre thought of Rhys at the beginning and end of acomaf? Or what Nesta said to Cassian's face in acofas? Or is my point made?)

That's the thing that bugs me about a lot of theories I've seen (even the ones I see on accident, I still have the e*riel tag blocked and I have TONS of accounts blocked). People tend to leave out entire swaths of character history when they think about where their stories will go next. We can't talk about Azriel without talking about Mor (though people want to forget that and move on to Elain). We probably shouldn't talk about Koschei without thinking about the remaining mortal queens and his actual motives (though people only want to care about Vassa's curse). We can't think about Beron without thinking about Lucien and Helion (though people are caught up in the Blood Duel being some e*riel plot). All of these relationships are complex and so often I see theories and think, "um, but what about this other character who is super important to that character over there? That would change your entire theory???"

[voidbeans]

Bestie I don't know if you still want asks but. Tell me about the fantasy novel? I am very intrigued

HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

*rubs hands together gleefully*

ok so there is literally. so much going on in this. there are multiple different storylines and just. ok. (putting a read more here because this is going to get. long)

So: world stuff. There are four kingdoms. There's one in the center that is kind of the main ruling kingdom, the others surrounding it are all under it (they all have rulers of their own but those rulers answer to the ruler of the central kingdom) (i'll get to him in a second). Each surrounding kingdom is dedicated to either the past, present, or future. So like the kingdom of the past is full of historians and scholars, who believe that the past is what shapes everything, that the only way to move forward is to follow the the examples set by history. The kingdom of the present is full of those who are focused on the now, the mercenaries and merchants and soldiers who believe that the most important thing is living in the moment. And in the kingdom of the future, there are the inventors, the prophets, and the beastmasters.

The beastmasters. Are certainly something. They're a type of inventor, I guess you could say. They build... creatures, out of metal and wood and whatever materials they can find. Creatures that move, that serve, that occasionally even make noise. They say it isn't magic, but no one quite believes them. No one really trusts the beastmasters.

All of these kingdoms are kind of.. well, they're a bit hostile toward each other, due to their differences. They're a ticking time bomb about to go off. Most of the hostility is aimed at the kingdom of the future, however, as most believe that the work they do there goes against the gods and their path.

The gods!! There are three gods, or one god with three faces/aspects. It depends on who you ask. Those aspects are the Judge, Jury, and Executioner. There are seperate churches and priests for each aspect, and each order has a different purpose (priests of the executioner tend to oversee war and, well, executions, they have a reputation for being quite violent).

Oh!! Also!! There are lands bordering the kingdoms. There's the Icelands, which are. Well. Full of ice. Very dangerous. There's the Wastelands, which are basically a desert. And the Woodlands!! A huge forest. It's said that any way you go through any of them, you will come to the mountain, home of three ancient seers.

now!! the characters. there are a lot so bear with me here.

So. there's the royal family, the one that rules from the central kingdom. they are:

King Reyne!! Reyne is. So so dear to me. He's neurodivergent and has an anxiety disorder (projecting time babey) that often affects him worse than he lets on. He's super insecure about his ability to rule, and he's under a lot of stress right now due to the growing hostility between the kingdoms i mentioned earlier. But he's an incredible king and a really good guy, just in general.

Queen Lilah!! Reyne's wife. They were an arranged marriage, and while the two of them are not romantically involved, they love each other very much and Lilah is a strong support for Reyne. She's also a badass. Will beat you up if you insult anyone she cares about. Has a bit of a temper (understatement of the century)

Matti!!! Mathias. Prince Mathias. Reyne and Lilah's son, heir to the throne. He takes after his father a lot. He's very curious and has trouble letting things go. He becomes convinced that someone's trying to betray his parents and the kingdom, and that.. kind of consumes him. I'm so excited to write him he has a brilliant storyline.

Ok and then there's the other people involved with the above family!!

RHYS. RHYSANDER FLORENT BLACKWOOD MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED. The king's advisor (and boyfriend), a total sweetheart with something of an edge to him. He, Reyne, and Lilah have this little chosen family thing going on that's really sweet. They're all each other's support and strength.

Silverfish. Silver is... the queen's spy, gatherer of information, sometimes gives advice too. Lilah wants it to also do assassinations, but it refuses to kill (will give the order to kill, but will not do the killing itself). No one really knows where Silver came from, and most don't trust it, but Lilah does. It never lies.

Alright moving on to other storylines: so y'know how no one likes the kingdom of the future? yeah, that's currently much worse due to some strange and unexplained happenings throughout all four kingdoms. Everyone thinks that it's the kingdom of the future angering the gods. So Reyne sends out a team to investigate these happenings peacefully, made up of a beastmaster from the kingdom of the future (he's cool. has an eyepatch. acts kinda bossy and like xe's in charge. a bit of an asshole, but genuinely cares), a knight from the kingdom of the present (trans woman. can and will kill you if you talk shit about her. has a wife. she's literally the coolest), and a historian from the kingdom of the past (Loren!! Loren is babey. the youngest member of the team, hasn't been in a fight in their life. unlike most of their fellow historians, doesn't hate the kingdom of the future and actually uses some of their technology in their archives (trained clockwork ravens, babey!!)). These guys get into so much shit.

Meanwhile, in the mysterious prison pit of despair run by knife monks: it's a prison. it's a pit. run by spooky dudes in hoods who sometimes take the prisoners and train them in their ways. There's a princess there, imprisoned for the massacre of her family (which she insists she had no part in). She's stuck with an annoying cellmate, a thief who broke into the prison just to see if she could. They're trying to get out.

And finally. there is Faraday. Faraday... is a prophet. He travels around preaching that the gods are dead and that the people must learn to take their fates into their own hands. No one likes that. He's wanted in literally every town everywhere. He's determined to prove that he's right, and believes in himself fully. Everything he says could potentially be true or false. No one knows. Probably not even me. He's. I'm so excited to work with him he's so fun. Has a little genderfluid bard that follows him around, hoping for a good story out of it (Ridley my belidly).

Those are.. the basics. But there is a lot. But I love it so much and I'm so excited about it and aaa thank you EVER so much for letting me ramble about this it means the world to me (and so do you) <333

[blossommoonwrites]

Rich husband, poor wife ~ Chapter 02.

Fandom: Beyblade (original) Genres: Angst/Romance Setting: Alternate universe Main characters: Yamashita Kane, Yamashita Katsumi- earlier known as Inumaki Katsumi [OC] Pairings: Kane/Katsumi [OC] Summary: The most unfortunate woman married the one she desired, but things went for a havoc when she was five months pregnant. Would it trigger her to get reminded of her tragic past or just move ahead? Would he be able to sooth her?Guide: Every flash back starts after three consecutive dots horizontally and ends w/the same indication. WARNINGS: This story is super-angsty w/MATURE content references, LEMON/SMUT (sex scene), some SWEARINGS and WEIRD behaviors. YOU ARE WARNED [Warning applicable for BOTH the chapters together].

Chapter-02

(Read on FanFiction.net)

Kane was getting ready for college. Katsumi was still fast asleep. He talked to her company manager and informed him that she would be on leave for a week.

It was already eight-thirty a.m. She never slept beyond five-thirty or six in the morning. Of course, he understood that she needs plenty of rest. However, it was high time that he woke her up.

"Katsumi, wake up. Sleep all you can before locking the door, please. I have an important lecture today."

Katsumi mumbled. She woke up and her mouth gaped when her glances hit the clock.

"Well, it's okay because I am not in the mood to go to work anyways."

"Why, did you think you will go for work in this state?"

"I am not that dumb after all. I'd rather sell flowers," She shrugged and went to the bathroom. Kane hung his head low.

'Undoubtedly, her mood is still off. How much should I hope for her to get better?'

Kane left home sharp at nine. Katsumi was all alone. She went ahead to take bath and have the breakfast cooked by Kane. She was done with them at ten-thirty.

Katsumi doesn't talk with people, but she did have a handful of friends during her college days in U.G. They weren't exactly her besties, but they had a bit of compassion to help her out. She was texting both of them. One of them got married before she did, and Katsumi was invited to the wedding, but she didn't go for obvious reasons.

She didn't have good clothes to wear for functions till Kane fetched some for her; she was busy searching for a job. The times she couldn't be a normal being hit her hard. She never said to both of them that she had a financial crisis. She lost contact. She doesn't want them to involve otherwise they will get affected and she will have to answer their parents for the consequences. Of course, she is biologically a criminal's daughter.

She recollected her miserable past. She cried. Her phone screen was filled with tears. She left the group chat and sobbed.

Her emotions peaked; she was suffering from PTSD. She kept panting again and again…. Nothing could help her be traumatic.

She had an inferiority complex based on her looks as well. She gets jealous when other women look prettier with a good makeover, but she couldn't. When her expenditures decreased, she had to struggle even for basic needs. She was just envious of all rich women.

Her eyes were scary, drowsy, and creepy. Hatred was flowing in her veins. She felt like hating everyone around here. She found herself succumbing to the darkness. She kept sniffing when the overflown drops drooped from her green eyes.

'Enough is enough, I suffered more. I have been too selfless in the past hence people have taken me for granted. What if their lives get destroyed too? They made my husband and our unborn child suffer with me. I can't forgive them.'

But what could she do about it? There is no way for her to make others feel pain. She would gain nothing from revenging others for her emotional satisfaction. She just realized that. Yes, being vengeful does absolutely nothing for her. It's futile.

Katsumi opened her wardrobe. She pulled out a skinny sleeveless white frock.

She soon changed to them. It exposed a part of her cleavage. The dress stuck on her pregnant figure so fit but tight as well. The manipulated woman removed the rubber band and flung it away. She washed her face for once and applied some beauty cream, a strawberry-flavored lip gloss to make her lips look brighter with some red lipstick nearly smearing the glossy layer. She used kohl and eyeliners to conceal her eyes. She used mascara to enhance her eyelashes, bold and dark.

The next minute, she found herself superior to all the women she has seen. She just felt so haughty and prideful of her beauty.

From the closet, she pulled out some jewelry- Heavy earrings, an expensive necklace, and a huge pile of bangles. She uses them very occasionally, but nothing stopped her. She wants to feel rich. She wants to feel lavish for spending her life as a poor wench. But again, she sobbed and fell on the floor. All these wouldn't have happened if at least her grandmother never died.

It's of no use; despite the fact she has been beautifying herself, but to just later realize that she has been doing to get rid of her pains. All her sexualizing just indicated her tragic past life, again and again, breaking down again and again. They struck so hard on her.

The woman wears a pile of rings on all of her fingers. She just laid herself back again, absolutely clueless. She just looked at the ceiling. Her eyelids were closing her sight; she fell into a deep slumber.

Katsumi woke, an hour later. She had her lunch which Kane prepared for her. She took her own sweet time and extended the lunch to almost an hour. She got to do nothing other than to while away time.

By two-thirty, Kane showed up. His lecture was successful and he was happy about it. But, his other side was scared to see what state his wife was in.

He rang the bell beside the main gate. She opened the door and left off to her room. Kane was disappointed in Katsumi's absence at the entrance. He felt that her mood would have gotten worse.

He slowly went inside and just peeped at the room to get a glance at her. He was devastated while taking note of her weird behavior. But yes, he believed that she was seducing him. He wants to be intimate with her at that moment but he couldn't because she wouldn't let him be.

"Katsumi…. Are you okay?"

"You still think I am okay? Would a normal woman dress like this?" she mumbled.

"Did you have your lunch?"

"Yes, I did. I was very hungry."

"Well, great then. I thought you might not eat."

"I didn't."

Kane sighed, then leading to an awkward silence.

"I am going for a bath now, will return in a few minutes. Do call me if you want anything else."

"I don't want anything, just leave me alone."

"How long you'd want to be alone?"

"Uhh, I want to be alone as long as I want to be," she responded in a slight disinterest.

"Welp… be careful with the ornaments. They are pretty expensive."

"I know its value because I was once poor."

"Okay then…" Kane shrugged.

In the evening, Kane left for the hospital. He had some appointments left. He feels a bit guilty about leaving Katsumi at home all alone, but it's not like she minds it.

.

.

.

That was the same place they came to on her birthday. They have been in good touch ever since that day.

Now, Katsumi had her hands tied. She faced towards the lake. Kane was able to see her back. From her body language, it was pretty evident that something was fishy.

"Katsumi, what happened? Is everything fine? Sorry, I know you might be angry with me for not being able to give you a job in our hospital. I have requested my chief doctor several times but he rejected."

"Nope, it has nothing to do with my problem."

"How?"

"You are not the reason for my mood, so you needn't doubt yourself."

"Then who?"

"My boss. Today I was supposed to get a salary but, I was ashamed in front of the whole crowd."

"What did he do?"

Katsumi sobbed. "He didn't give me a single penny, say what. He claims that I haven't worked enough this month and nearly harassed me. I am not sure how would I be able to survive for the longer go. I just bunked my work and came here. He has done this a couple of times in the past."

"Is this the case only for you or for others as well?"

"For a few of us; most of them were paid. To be honest, our boss is influenced by partiality and biases. He hates me. But he made me work on his mercy. I am one of the least paid right there. What should I do now?"

Kane sighed. The aura was changing. The grayish clouds started to spread all over. The crystal-clear waters occupied its hue. It's a foreshadowing for rain.

"Yes, looks like I am no more needed to this world. I have decided to end my life once and for all."

"No, please don't do that!" Kane quickly grasped her hand. She faces away from him again and wobbled her hand so that his grasp would go off completely.

"What are you asking me to do? I was never loved, I never felt love. I never knew what is love? I never felt like I belong to this earth. I never felt like I am necessary. I never felt like I was needed. I am always a useless tool for people to emotionally hurt me, right? I see my classmates hugging and cuddling with each other during fun times, but I always have to stand alone and watch them. They always saw me as some sort of a lifeless stone in their lives. I never knew how hugging a loved one would be! It would be pretty warm, right? I always feel cold around myself. I never knew warmth! I am pretty sure no men would want to take me as their wife for any other purpose other than getting me toiled and giving babies! I am just a useless and sad person existing for the sake, that's it! I am just some ugly-looking wench who has to struggle for necessities! I am just a person who blends with the dark tones like Gray and black invisible! I am practically non-existent! Why do I have to live anymore? Please tell me."

She nearly stumbled upon the ground and wept. The sky roared. Thunder and Lighting were all over the place.

"Katsumi, it's raining. Let's go home. You will get wet."

"No, sorry, please. I am going to drown myself in this lake once and for all. It's raining and it's dramatic. It brings such a nice yet tragic ending to my story. The sky cries on the day I shed my tears. Unironically, this is a nice ambiance for my life to end!"

Katsumi got up and walked towards the lake but Kane stopped her again. There starts a heavy downpour.

"Please, leave me! This is my last request."

He quickly pulled her into an embrace. His hands got a firm grasp of her shoulders and nape. He doesn't want to let go of her.

"Didn't you feel like being loved even after I started to help you? Didn't you feel like you were needed whenever I approached you and called you several times over the phone? There were times I had to ask for your help. Don't you feel the warmth of getting hugged now? Don't you recognize my feelings even after I've done so much for you? Wouldn't it be far more worthless and futile if I helped you for nothing? Tell me Katsumi. Have you ever noticed my feelings? Aren't you feeling loved at this moment?"

Both of them were heavily drenched. Their clothes got heavier when the intensity of the downpour got massive by every minute. Katsumi was speechless. She never felt as shocked as she was. She felt his heart pacing up when he confessed to her.

"If you can't debunk this, then accept whatever I've confessed to you."

He felt her sobbing on his chest and clenching his shirt softly. He embraced her tighter.

"You know? I have fallen for you on the day when I came for the examination. No one has ever been that polite and gentle with me, but you. I-I-I've always thought that the rich can help the poor, not beyond that, hence I had my feelings bottled up."

"Why? Tell me why so? We all are human beings. Your position does nothing to your feelings. Did it stop you from loving me?"

"No, it didn't."

"So? I am not a spoilt rich kid! I am just a rich kid, that's it!"

He rubbed her from the nape to her back gently. He gave her all which she missed in her life. She felt so relaxing and soothing when he rubbed it. She returned the hug. She soon felt her arms being caressed. All were so comforting. She felt the warmth and comfort. They were needed.

"I love you Katsumi," he confessed and dug his chin on her wet brown hair.

"I love you too Kane. You made me feel needed. I am sorry that I wasn't open about your help to me."

"It's okay; you rightfully deserve everything, my sweetheart."

That was a pretty long hug, which was desperately needed for both of them. It was all rendezvous under the romantic raining noon.

After separating from each other, Kane asked her as his hands grasped her shoulders firm.

"It's your day today. Tell me what you want to do."

"I want to be with you today, fully."

"Sure. You can come to my home. You can stay there tonight."

.

.

.

Kane clearly remembered that day almost in detail.

They were all wet, so they had to take a nice shower. Katsumi prepared lunch, had fun eating with him, chatted to their hearts' desires, cracked jokes, frequently cuddled and hugged each other on the bed after every half an hour or twenty minutes, played cards, and took some photos.

They had some less intimate contacts like sleeping on shoulders and lap, went for walks in the garden, and finally, they watched a movie. They both made dinner together; she stayed at his home, slept cuddling to him comfortably that night, and left the next morning at around 10:30 a.m. Despite she was new to all of them; she had so much fun. He couldn't forget them.

They started dating each other in no time. Those days were heavenly and splendid. He found Katsumi feeling happy with the new twist in her life then.

During their dates, they often went to restaurants, went to beaches, to a hill station trip, for local shopping and some adventure activities. They started with brief pecks on foreheads, temples, and cheeks.

Kane wished he could get back all those days. He wanted to see her smile and laugh.

They soon got married. Kane was able to convince his parents about their relationship since his mother was part of a welfare organization. She understood Katsumi well and whole-heartedly accepted her.

Despite it being a love marriage, a lot of people were invited to their wedding. It was grand yet majestic. Kane had invited Jim and Goki too. They both were two of his closest best friends since childhood, but they were sad that they lost another close friend of their peer group during an accident. The deceased friend does resemble Katsumi in a lot of ways. He didn't have any feelings for her, but if she had lived, something could have happened.

Katsumi looked rich, beautiful, and gorgeous. She only had her younger brother and her aunt on the day of their wedding with a few of her friends whereas Kane had so many guests and relatives invited from his side. However, Kane asked her to not worry and asked her to consider his relatives as her own too. She couldn't care less about the other members of her family. Of course, Kane and Katsumi shared their first kiss.

They were permanently made for each other from that moment. Katsumi's life got far better with Kane by her side for a longer time. There were days Katsumi took off because of her annoying boss. They got intimate over time. They kissed every day. Soon they got extended to smooches and sometimes French kisses.

Oh yes, there was peak intimacy once.

.

.

.

A/N: Sorry for popping up but this is a lemon hence I am warning. You are welcome to skip this (this ends with w/the three dots indication I've said before). Thank you.

Katsumi got fed up with her boss again. She wants to vent out her emotions but wondered how to do that.

"What happened to my babe today? Did your boss get into your nerves again?"

"Yes, what else, he is my only problem after I married you. I wish I could find myself in a hospital soon as a doc, pretty please." She shut the door.

"I was called to work on evening today but it ended up in a mess. Well, I am accustomed to it."

"I see; that's the reason you were pretty dull while having dinner huh."

"Yes. By the way, I have switched off all the lights and locked all the doors. We can sleep now."

"I would have done that."

"It's okay, I've done it anyway."

Kane was getting attracted to her by every minute. He couldn't resist the beautiful figure. How could he? She raised her hand to place the main door key on the key hanger. He could see the tank top concealing her figure and the shorts revealing her thighs.

She turned to him. She knocked an eyebrow after figuring out where his eyes were focused. But she gave a sly look.

"Katsumi, are you trying to seduce me?"

She went to him, pinned him against the headboard, knelt, and placed a hand on his chest. Her cleavage was clear to him now.

"Is there any proof on this?"

"Why do you need proof?"

"I didn't intend to seduce you because…." She went close to his ears and whispered, "I know you will get seduced."

Kane proudly smirked. He was impressed by her and asked, "Planning to be on top, huh?"

"I am planning to be on top for a while, at least."

"So you're ready for it then."

"I am. Trust me."

"Feel lucky, Australian men are the best when it comes to sex."

"Then I am going to have a wonderful night then. But let's see because you are half-Japanese too."

Kane's hands traveled around her waist like a cobra and drew her closer. He could already feel her breasts pinned to his chest. His other hand traveled along the spine, finally getting a grasp of her nape. Due to the presence of a bunch of nerves, she shriveled when she felt some tingling sensations. Their stares and glances were drenched with pure love and lust.

He built a smooch to trigger her. His hands couldn't hold the horses. She could already feel his warm hand getting inside her top like a snake trying to travel on a feathery-plush skin. Her cheeks started to warm up with every second. The kiss went intense and deeper, with their tongues almost coming to each other's throats and flapping fanatically. He got a grasp of her bun and removed it, throwing all the hairpins on the floor. The soft clinks of the pins were audible.

She found him too dominating. He was trying to pin her on the pillow. With the intense kiss going on, he pulled her on the bed. He released his tongue and lips from hers'. Both of them panted heavily. They could feel each other's warm breaths. He liked the way her breasts kept moving in search of air.

"Pervert, I want more! This doesn't suffice!"

"I know that, patience madam. I am panting already."

"Okay then, get energetic and go on with full force okay?"

Katsumi raised her body to adjust her position.

"Do pin me down perfectly the next time."

"As you wish my lady."

He clasped the hem of her shirt and pulled it upwards. His yearning eyes could gradually get the view of her physique.

"You seem surprised; you have seen me half-naked when you did an echocardiogram. I think you are going to do tear my chest apart and take my heart this time, am I right?"

"Why, is it just because I loved seeing your heart?"

"Never mind, pardon me and my jokes. Pull off the top already."

Kane quickly pulled the top and dropped it on the floor.

"I wanna remove yours too, with my own hands."

"Sure."

"But I shouldn't be pinned like this," she said as she flirtatiously dragged her right hand inside his shirt, feeling his trunk. Kane let loose of her, letting her pin him down and get rid of his top. She came closer and pinned herself against him. He could feel the weight of her trunk. They smooched once more, with their lips melting under the pale yellow lights.

She got a nice view of his body. She gently caressed it to feel the texture-inducing goosebumps in him. He could sense all the butterflies roaming inside him as she made the kisses more passionate. She went up to his neck and gave some love bites. He groaned a bit, but he was a lot stronger to withstand them. After every interval, she is kissing him on his cheeks, lips, or even tasting his tongue. Kane could feel so comfortable and felt his body going deep into the plushy bed though he didn't seem to.

It was time for her to be under. His kisses were almost open mouth, caressing her soft and supple skin. She closed her eyes, exhaled with her mouth opened at almost every action he did. She felt so comfortable with goosebumps and tingling sensations lingering all over her body. By every minute, her heart rose rapidly. Her cheeks turned crimson-warm and they glossed so beautifully especially when he is kissing at the corners of her breasts. Her body turned warmer with every minute. He places his nose on the tip of her cleavage to smell the rose-scented soap she uses on her body. His lips searched for the neck and wildly kissed the pulse point, feeling the rhythmic sensations with his chapped lips.

That was just beautiful.

His hands crawled under her heated back, searching for her brazier hooks. After unpinning them, his fingers gently clasped the straps, getting exposed to her soft mounds. His flat palms were placed on both of them, rubbing out of pleasure. His thumbnails gently rubbed and tickled the nipple tips. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it. His yearning lips planted soft kisses and suck the nipples one by one. She moaned out of ecstasy. Her chest rapidly rose and came down, but it was one of her pleasure points that she'd let her husband play with. His kisses slowly crawled out from her nipples, going to the side end of her breasts and finally ending up on her armpit. She shriveled and gave a soft moan.

"Ouch, what was that?"

"Sorry, but I love to kiss you everywhere. Your boobs are stress balls for me."

"Then play with it every day."

"Sure, but we have a crucial part left. I hope you know that."

"Yes, I know. Now go ahead. I have been waiting for this moment."

"Well then, but I warn you. This will hurt."

They set themselves in missionary pose. Their bodies were stuck together. He pumped his organ slowly into her tract. Their juices mixed. She felt pain. She whined. Tears started coming out of her eyes. Kane gently pecked on her forehead to comfort her.

"Relax, and let your body lose."

"Ah, you needn't worry about me. I will deal with this."

Kane was slow at the start but soon increased the pace. Her moans were mixed with both pain and pleasure. She released her tongue out and took deep breathes slowly and steadily. Her cheeks got glossier. Every inch of their body sparing the limbs almost touched. It was such a splendid moment.

"I like this."

"Why wouldn't you?" they both whispered to each other.

He got into her. It pained, but she was just enjoying it. Her soft moans let him thrust in her harder.

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He was thinking about what happened that night, and what happened around two weeks later. She confessed her pregnancy.

How beautiful those days were. He could cherish them over and over again. He remembered them in perfect detail.

Kane reached home in the hopes of seeing her getting better but no, she was lying unconscious on the floor. Except for the bangles and rings, the other ornaments were still there. Kane rushed to her, slapped her cheek a few times. It didn't work. He bought some water and sprinkled it on her face. She opened her eyes.

Kane helped her to get up.

"Katsumi, what happened?"

She didn't respond, but left him and slammed the door hard. Kane felt so bad. Things have turned worse than they were. Poor woman, she couldn't get over so easily.

She doesn't allow him to talk, but he doesn't want to see her suffer. He is completely clueless. He wants to do something. It's going to be Sunday, but things turned out so horrendous. He wondered how he was going to handle her.

That night, he called all his lady friends, his aunts, his cousin-sisters and his mother to get done with this. He called some of his older cousin brothers who have children. A lot of them suggested being with her till the birth without going to work might help, but Kane was skeptical because of his appointments. Some of them asked to take her out to gardens, beaches, or to some parks.

His mother asked him to induce her outburst so that he could completely console her. Some advised him to wait so that she might feel like coming to him for the time being.

Kane considered them.

The next day went pretty plain and bland. She seemed calmer but she was glum. She barely talked, sat on the bed, did nothing; just read a book without giving it breaks frequently. She wore pretty loose clothes on that day. She got tired of sexualizing herself again and again. He suggested going out for a while, but she felt too insecure.

There were times when she was too grumpy and often ignored Kane's presence, but he didn't argue.

He felt hurt. He cried beside the washing basin. He wanted to get everything fine too soon.

He called a psychiatrist regarding this issue. She has asked both of them to come and meet her anytime between 6:00-9:00 p.m. the next day.

Kane waited for the next day. He gave up the Sunday too.

There comes Monday. Kane planned to take off the whole day and be with her. He benchmarked the day to be the last and final to get rid of Katsu's depression. He would have taken off the Saturday if it were not for the important appointments and the lecture.

Katsumi's mood was still off. Her mood has gotten worse from what was yesterday. All of a sudden, she started to seduce Kane again despite she doesn't want him to come an inch closer to her. Before going to the bath, she almost removed her clothes when Kane almost stepped out after he finished a shower with all dressed. She went back to her seducing phase. Kane thought if she was trying to hit on him.

She wore a gray cotton tank top and a pair of navy blue shorts. Kane doesn't want her to wear something too tight. Her ideal dress code used to be nightgowns for most of the time during the pregnancy.

'What the hell does she think of herself?'

After finishing their breakfast, Kane suggested to her before she got up, "Well uhh Katsumi, consider wearing something loose."

"Sorry, I still have my bandages on."

"Why, gowns won't do anything. Wear them."

"No, I don't have the mood to wear them. I want to feel young. I don't want to feel like an old granny-"

Yes, she got reminded of her grandmother. She sniffed a bit and closed her mouth with her palms before her sobs started.

Kane immediately bought her some water. He rubbed her back, but she shoved the glass off on the floor ruthlessly. Kane was heavily heartbroken. The air passing him turned colder. He doesn't want to be rejected anymore.

"Please don't come to me!"

She went to the room and locked the door. Kane knocked on the door again and again. Katsumi didn't bother to open it.

"Don't disturb me!"

Kane's facepalmed and bit his inner lip. He cried too.

He can't retaliate. He has to force her a bit. He has to go completely against her to get her back.

Suddenly, he just remembered that he had a spare key for the room. He quickly went upstairs, dug through the cupboards, and finally found it. It was a spare key for the house which has second keys for every room in the house.

He took that, unlocked the door, and opened it.

The lights were off. The room was half-dark. Katsumi sat upright with her knees bent. Her hands were cupped on both those knees and her head was hanging down. She flinched immediately after noticing Kane's presence in the room. How did he enter the room?

Kane locked the door again, leaving both of them alone.

"Listen to me Katsumi; I can't tolerate this anymore. Consider yourself getting back to normal. I understand your pain, your agony, and your inner peace getting demolished of whatever has happened so far to you-"

"Do you know how much pain I am going through because of the bullshit and crap that has been happening to me for so many years? Have you ever felt the pain of being rejected by everyone around you? Do you know the pain of getting beaten when you have your child inside your feeble body? Then why are you asking me to chill the fuck out?!"

Kane couldn't immediately respond to them. Probably, he didn't understand her agony completely.

"Do you know what it is to be a woman who has to be completely judged based on how external appearance?

Do you know the pain of getting called an ugly bitch or a whore?! Yes! I have been called out because I have low expectations in the way I wanted to look! I tend to be called like that by my male schoolmates and college mates just because I am a bit anti-social!

And you never know the pain of getting rejected by EVERY hospital and finally ending up jobless just because I shared ties with a criminal's family in the past though I have been ostracized from it?!

Do you know the pain of not getting your family's support and support from society? Do you know what it is to PLACE yourselves in my shoes and feel the pain?! Do you even know to tolerate yourselves when you are harassed everywhere?!

Are you asking me to stay quiet and move ahead just like that?! I am yearning to see all the ones who made me suffer to feel the agony more! I want to see them with my eyes to all suffer!" She was crying her eyes out.

"Why?! Why should my life be a hell?"

"Hush no-" Kane palmed her mouth. He held her hands.

"Mind your language when you are pregnant. These words are of the wrong usage for a growing baby."

Kane's eyes were filled with tears. The first time she expressed her problems did impact him but this time, it was something far more than an impact.

His voice was filled with gentleness and care, "Yes…. I don't feel your pain completely because I wasn't in your shoes so far…. But Katsumi, I understand and I know what you underwent. I am there for you. Why would you want to hurt a man who accepted you wholeheartedly? Is it really necessary to understand your pain to be helped? You are saying that it feels hard to be rejected everywhere. Yes, you are correct! But do you ever know how hard it is to get rejected by the one whom you love wholeheartedly than getting rejected by some strangers in society? It is…. It is harder! It is harder than you think!"

"Who rejected you?"

"It's you."

Katsumi's eyes widened. She was taken aback. She felt a pang of guilt. All the forthcoming emotions of her outburst were fading away.

"And it was hard; to get rejected by someone you love with all your heart. I mean, you didn't reject me in a very obvious sense, but… but…." He sighed.

"Katsumi, please… it hurts me seeing you suffer like this. It hurts me to see you rejecting my help whenever I had to make you sit yet you struggle to sit properly. As a mother, I know how to hurt you would be for your child. But, as a father and as a husband, I would feel more hurt. You are worried for your child, but I am worried for both of you."

Katsumi has moved again. All her anger and rage just flew into the air, if not immediately.

"It's not like I had to keep all the pain and agony within myself every time for the past three days. You said that I wasn't shown expressing them right? Because I kept them within myself and indeed, it did hurt me a LOT.

It hurts a lot more to keep the pain within oneself than to express it. I know the pain and agony too. I am still feeling bad about what happened that day. I wish I came with you that day. You are not the only person who is suffering from pain. There are a lot of mothers who have lost their children, but you didn't! Our child is all safe and sound.

Do you know the pain of losing someone you loved? Yes, I lost one of my closest friends! She died in a car accident! She seemed to have had feelings for me, and I was heavily guilty of not recognizing them! I had a hard time moving on! But, you do resemble her a lot. I almost got rid of most of the sadness when you stepped your foot on my life because you made me move forward. But I almost feel like I have committed a crime by not recognizing my deceased friend's feelings whenever I got rejected by you! It was so hard on me!"

Katsumi asked as her lips wobbled a bit, "Do you love her?"

"I love you because you remind me of her! But if I get lovesick over her, it means I haven't moved on! I have moved on clearly! I love you a lot more! I love you so much!"

Katsumi couldn't help being a crybaby again.

"You know? I did have my own set of enemies who all have gone against me just because I was praised as one of the top best doctors in Japan. I do know the feeling of getting cornered. But, I know I did have friends by my side however there was so much hard time for me as well! Even the rich will have their pains!

There was a time even my chief doctor was jealous of me! He felt that I work too much for my standards! I was blamed that overshadowing others when the reality was I worked extra harder than them! I dedicated my time to my work' yet, people just look at my fruits as mere luck. Did you know how hard it was to be called out like that when it was false?

Did you know that I do have some rivals and enemies in my field? It was hard for me too. Yours was painful, but that doesn't mean mine is irrelevant! I had to try my level best to keep you safe from the enemies as well as to take you to the right hospitals for appointments! It wasn't as easy or convenient as other couples have. I tend to do thorough research. It's generally the doctors who would feel easiest the most while looking out other doctors for treating their family members due to their vast knowledge. But that's not the case for me!"

She gulped.

"I love you so much; I don't want our love to get ridiculed like this, please. I promise that I will protect you forever. I am ready to hand over the appointments to others."

Yeah, his words struck her hard as lightning could.

"Feeble? No, you are a very strong woman. You bore the pain, managed to move around without my help most of the time, you didn't let your child die and your health turn worse for your standards.

You have come a long way with all the suffering ever since you were a child. These are strong proofs of you being physically and mentally strong. But, why did you lose all your self-worth and boldness in these two days? Whatever it is, we shouldn't let go of our will like this.

You made me feel proud of you.

Looks don't matter, but you still look very beautiful. You are so gorgeous with hazel green eyes. It's very gifted eye color. You have beautiful hair. Brown-haired women are beautiful. What else do you need? You don't need a make-over. And the acne all over is just a part of your face. It surely makes you look like an ideal pregnant woman. People corner you because you are beautiful. I bet they are simply jealous of your beauty and your kind attitude. There is no way on this earth that you are ugly."

"Really…. Am I that beautiful?"

"Your name says it," he held her chin with tender affection.

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.

.

"Oh honey, look! I have gained weight," Katsumi pouted as she checked her weight with the weighing machine.

"It's not a big deal; you have a baby inside you for four months. How wouldn't it make sense if you wouldn't gain some weight?"

"Welp, but I look aged and ugly as well. Look at me; I look like an older sister for you."

Kane couldn't help laughing. He captured her shoulders and rested her back against him, looking at the mirror, "You don't. It's not like a wife should look younger than her husband. It's okay, you still look very beautiful. Don't call yourself ugly. You are so beautiful."

"I look a bit aged and I've pimples grown all over. What are you asking me to do?"

"So what, don't do anything. You are still beautiful. Trust me, if I were a woman I would have been envious of you."

"Aww, really?" she asked with an affectionate drawl.

"Yes. You are beautiful in every way sweetie," he remarked and kissed her neck.

"And well, I love your glossy cheeks. They look so sexy on you," he rubbed one of them with his index finger.

"What?!" her cheeks turned red.

"Of course, they look so pretty my love."

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"Yes, you look so beautiful even with those bandages," he kissed her forehead.

Her lips wobbled, her eyes were letting out salt streams again. Her face immediately went on his chest. He quickly pulled her into an embrace.

"I am so sorry my sweetheart! I have caused you so much pain even when you had pains for yourself! It's okay if you don't forgive me. You had to worry for both of us, whereas I have been so selfish for myself and my child!"

"Shush, it's okay, don't cry. You needn't apologize. It's okay to worry about yourself dear. You've felt pain as well. It doesn't matter who had it harder. Mine is nowhere close to yours. You had a pretty challenging life. So don't cry; I am there for you. I know how much pain and agony you carry as a mother."

"You have helped me than I have credited you. If not, I wonder if I would have come this far. I love you so much! Please be by my side! Don't leave me!"

"Sure, I wouldn't. I will stay by your side. I won't leave you."

"But Honey, I want things to be compensated." She lifted her head.

"Sure, do tell what you want."

"I don't want to be here anymore. This place gives me horrors. And, I don't want this job anymore. I am resigning. I don't care if I end up as a housewife, but I don't want that job. I'd rather be a doctor or a housewife."

"Well, so you want to move to a good place right?"

"Yes."

"And you don't want this job anymore as well, right?"

"Yes."

"Well then, I have good news for you. Last night, my chief doctor called me over the phone and said that I am eligible to be one. That doesn't stop here; I am going to work as a chief doctor in Australia. He doesn't want me to work at the level of other doctors who are yet to achieve as much as I have. Let's open a hospital there."

"Really?"

"Yes, and I will let you work there. You will be a chief doctor there as well."

She was speechless for a moment. She expected to work as an average physician after analyzing how people see her, but a chief doctor?

"Two chief doctors?"

"Yes… And I am going to work as a professor in a college in the mornings. During my absence, you take over then. I will take care in the evenings."

"I-I-I don't know what to tell because… you always give me something beyond what I expect."

"Because you deserve it; I remember you telling me that you used to earn the most during your internships. You were shown to be the most skilled out of all. So why don't you deserve it?"

"Sure, I am ready to take a huge responsibility. I have been waiting for something like this."

"But you have to wait for some months. We will finish our delivery here. You might not be able to travel in this state. This is a huge job and it does take time, understand?"

"I do."

"Sure, thank you."

"Honey, I want some water. I feel a bit thirsty."

"Sure. Just wait."

There was a quick change in her mind, "No, later; sit here for a while."

"Why?"

"No, umm… just be here please."

"Uhhh…. Yeah fine. It's your wish."

"Okay honey, can you help me remove some of the bandages? I don't need them anymore."

"Sure."

Kane slowly took off most of the bandages. He was very gentle yet professional in it. She whined, yet cooperated.

"Relax, I am almost done okay?"

"Thanks."

After he took off the bandages, he got a call from the psychiatrist. She said that she was free then, so she didn't mind looking after Katsumi. The hospital was pretty close. Thus the appointment was planned for the afternoon.

Finally, they were making their married life like how it was before. Arguably, better.

Post incidents in a gist:

Six weeks post the delivery, they left for Australia. Katsumi started to go for her job after a month since their arrival in Australia. She and Kane had an older son and a younger daughter. Katsumi made ties with a few of her family members who genuinely trusted and didn't have any ill-thought about her in the past, yet the ones who couldn't be close with her due to the dirty minds of other members.

Besides that, she made friends with some of her neighbors.

Katsumi got what she deserved.

Chapter 01 | Chapter 02

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖