#short tangent i want to make music so. bad. like it's all i want and i love writing and singing but i'm not gonna make it so no

[bookwormscififan]

He Listens

Read on AO3!

A/N: The hopeless romantic in me wanted to write a thing based on a sequence in season 3 of Bridgerton that I absolutely loved. I just think it's beautiful when someone listens to your opinion to the point of gifting you something that's perfect from that opinion.

--

Mad strolled down the street, picking at the hem of his shirt while looking through the store windows. His thoughts were interrupted by the collision of himself into someone, and he muttered apologies as he glanced up to see who he’d walked into.

“Mare,” His cheeks flushed as he looked into the amused face of the lecturer, smiling kindly as he held Mad’s shoulders to steady him. “H-Hello.”

“Hey, Mad,” Mare replied, brushing off Mad’s shoulders before stepping back, pointing a thumb behind him with a crooked smile. “How do you like the music?” Tucked under one arm was a satchel, treated leather with a gold clasp, the same one Mad had bought him as a joke gift years ago.

Mad tilted his head in confusion before he registered the busker playing an accordion down the street, out of tune and too fast for Mad to properly process. Biting his lip, Mad turned his attention back to Mare, taking a deep breath before answering.

“The tempo isn’t right. They’re playing too fast for anyone to appreciate the music, and the tune isn’t right. For that instrument, the song should be played in a B Major scale, but the musician is playing it in C. There isn’t enough time for the tune to surround you before they’re on to the next bar.” His flush darkened when he realised he’d been rambling, turning away from Mare as he scratched the back of his neck.

“Interesting. I have to go,” Mare stated, touching Mad’s shoulder lightly before walking away, leaving Mad to marinate in embarrassment before deciding to walk home.

----

“Wait, tell me again. Mare just… left?” Jackie asked around a mouthful of his sandwich, popping up behind the couch Mad had flopped onto. “Like, no proper goodbye or anything?”

“He touched my shoulder,” Mad mumbled, looking at Jackie with an expression that could only be described as ‘pitiful’. “Said he had to go, and I just… let him.” Grabbing a cushion, he pressed it over his face before screaming into it, sounding utterly broken.

“Maybe he was running late,” Jackie suggested, leaping over the back of the couch to sit at Mad’s feet, laying a reassuring hand on his ankle. “He’s a teacher, right? He probably had a class or something. I’m sure he’ll call you soon.”

“Doubt it,” Mad shot down, lowering the cushion. “I went on a tangent. Not the short types that you tell me aren’t bad, but one of those where I point out all the issues with something. He’s not going to talk to me ever again. Idiot,” he finished with a smack to his forehead, groaning at the pain that registered.

“Alright,” Jackie patted Mad’s ankle before effortlessly turning him so they were sitting face-to-face. “Give it until the end of the week. If Mare doesn’t speak to you by then, I’ll watch those space documentaries you’ve been asking to watch. If he talks to you, you don’t get to feel bad about yourself for a month.”

----

As Mad’s luck would have it, Jackie won the deal. Mare knocked on the door of his and Jackie’s shared apartment at the end of the week, bright yet apologetic smiles and holding a violin case. Mad let him in with a furrowed brow, offering him a coffee before sitting in the seat opposite him.

“I’m sorry I rushed off the other day,” Mare began, carefully taking the violin out of its case. “After what you’d said, I wanted to make sure I did this right, and I couldn’t risk forgetting a single thing you’d pointed out.” Standing, Mare set the violin on his shoulder, giving Mad a gentle smile before beginning to play.

At first, Mad was confused, but then he began to recognise the tune, and his cheeks flushed. Every detail Mad had pointed out, every flaw in the busker’s performance, Mare had rectified and was now performing for him. Mad closed his eyes, letting the music wash over him as Mare continued to play.

It took a few moments after Mare had finished for Mad to open his eyes, looking at Mare with a dazed expression. Blinking slowly, he watched Mare pack the instrument away, startling when he sat beside Mad.

“You… played the song… exactly how I’d described it.” At a loss for words, Mad just stared at Mare, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. “Why?”

“Because you wanted to hear it played right,” Mare answered softly, “Because I wanted to see your face as you listen to the song played properly. I like watching you truly enjoy something.” He moved slowly, setting a hand on Mad’s knee before shifting closer, looking into Mad’s whiskey-gold eyes with a smile.

“I-I thought you were annoyed,” Mad mumbled, brushing his fingers over Mare’s hand on his knee, breath catching when Mare turned his hand to hold his. “People always get annoyed when I tell them things like that.”

“Mad,” Mare began, holding Mad’s hand tightly. “I’ll never be annoyed with you. I think you’re amazing. The greatest person I’ve ever known. I’m in love with you, I thought you knew that.” His teasing smile faded when he saw Mad’s eyes widen, moving to release his hand before Mad held tighter.

“Say that again.”

“I-I love you, Mad. I think I’ve always been in love with you,” Mare whispered, leaning forward as Mad’s lips parted slightly. “I use that satchel you bought me because it makes me feel like I’ve got you with me all the time. You’re perfect to me.”

The second Mad’s eyes darted down to Mare’s lips, he was being kissed, heart pounding in his chest as Mare’s lips pressed against his. Closing his eyes, he let Mare control the kiss, melting against him as his chest filled with warmth.

“Oh, good, you’re finally together. I was waiting for you to finally kiss. Mare, is there any way you can get Phantom to come over?” Jackie asked as he passed the living room, laughing when Mare threw a cushion at him before walking away.

--------------------

@iamvegorott @brokentimewatch @rattyboyisemo @dungeon-dragons-dragons

[ahhvernin]

I often doodle at meetings, mostly because during segments where they are going off tangents or something not pertaining to my unit I dont want to be Caramelldansen or bouncing in my seat to whatever music decided to pop up in my head...or worse dozing off.  I’m not very skilled at shadows or color, or drawing realistic people, but I always end up sketching a coworker because of posture or something about their form interests me.  Like how large biceps and forearms rest while crossed at a stagnant part of a meeting....or how someone who usually looks short is suddenly really long because of how they are leaning back in their chair with their arms behind their head.  Sketching randomly in places is literally the only way I manage to ever draw someone different and novel, even if at the end I dont think it looks like them or how my hand didn’t translate what I saw, but its always somehow a bit satisfying.  Plus sketching my cowokers especially ones who I dont know well, helps me solidify, physically, who they are in my brain so I don’t go “Who are you again???” or “Where you always here???”....because saying that outloud is rude and I know it. “You seem familiar”/”Where have we met before?” is unfortunately not the first thing out of my mouth.

This meeting I drew my newest coworker, I really liked how she put up her hair, and how her locs were weaving in and out like the thick edges of a intricate basket, it was very pretty.  I tried to draw her portrait. I tried like 4 times.  First three were awful, it was hard. Fourth I thought it looked better so I stuck with it.  Usually no one ever makes comments or actively says they were watching me.  At the end of the meeting I looked at it and thought its not good, but its okay, considering I hardly ever drew locs before, people with really round faces or people with thick framed glasses. So all new attempts, so not bad.  Normally I just hide the little sketches somewhere deep in my desk, but she saw it and went “oOOOOHHH~!!! I was wondering what you were drawing! That’s so nice!  Is that me?”   And 10 year old me immediately jumped in front of my brain and went “Thank you! Do you want?” holding out the piece of paper, while adult me is panicking and reeling that she recognized herself in a random pen sketch and I was holding out the sketch to her. She actually took it and its sitting at her desk. I’m really embarrassed, because I drew flowers and glittery sparkle bits around her, because I know she loves her flowers and sparkles.  No one has ever kept a sketch I drew of them at their desk before.  Every time I walk by her desk I’m internally screaming from embarrassment and anxiety.

[lunarmote]

Week 10: Ups and downs

This week I: worked on a bunch of schoolwork (studying for midterms, lit reviews, presentation), weeded out some emotional stuff, went to Osaka!

There are definitely differences in mood in between weeks; this week I am feeling a surge of positive, prosocial emotion.

I started hanging out with a different group of people - sometimes someone looks really good with you on paper but you turn out to not totally vibe, and that’s okay.

Ambiguity and feeling unsafe

I will not go too deep into it now, but an interpersonal thing happened a couple of weeks ago that left me rattled.. and I was thinking back to this thing and why it made me feel so unsafe to venture out, and it has to do with ambiguity, and being connected to people in ambiguous situations.

I’ve been trying to unconsciously combat it with purposefully living.

I’m happy with my group of acquaintances and friends here. Things have been more set in stone, and not only things but certain patterns of activities. As a person I really crave stability (ok, I require stability, though parts of me look for quick dopaminergic rushes, and that’s kind of what was going wrong in the first few weeks, me being lead by the first tangent I saw, worrying that if I didn’t take this chance or that chance I would not experience Kyoto “fully”)

Looked back at discord server a while ago, all these new names I couldn’t put faces to, feeling so overwhelmed and scared. There was nothing to worry about all along, but I had to go through the process of getting worried and finding out it was no big deal.

Things that make me feel safe(r)

1. Doing fun new things, but not necessarily “risky” things (things that leave me feeling vulnerable and unsettled). Things I would do back at home with friends anyway. There are just things that make me feel bad... Bar-hopping is not fun to me, speed-dating is not fun to me, even ditching classes and tempting fate to see what one can stumbleupon is not fun to me. Just because I’m challenging myself to do new things doesn’t mean I have to do exactly the opposite of the kind of things I like. I come into this trip with prior knowledge of myself.

Here are things that ARE fun to me: finding an iconic dish and wanting to recreate it here with limited ingredients: going on a day-trip trying to find said ingredients.

Going on a day trip trying to find an exotic musical instrument.

Trying out gross ice cream flavors or fire ramen with friends.

Meeting an acquaintance at a random cafe neither of us have been to.

Walking around. 

2. Doing things that feel authentic to me. These have NOTHING to do with Japan and they shouldn’t. Things like painting for me, staying grounded and connected with music, playing old pixel horror games (IB! Crooked man!)

3. Doing school. 

There’s a part of me that takes pride in taking thing seriously, taking learning seriously and I am no longer going to stamp that part out.

Short entry this week...

[spade-club]

Ive been off tumblr mostly for a few days and had the best week of my life (fri-wed)

Anyway, my friends and I are the absolute cutest. We played spin the bottle, just the five of us, and kept going around and around (to be fair we made some fucked up rules so not all of us even kissed eachother really. Others of us kissed 7 times o.o) And idk. I wish I could explain how much fun ive been having this week but its all so blurry and I may or may not have been high for the past 4 days straight which is not a feeling I've felt at all, before about four days ago. Which sounds like addict behavior, and it is, but it'll go away until it comes back later! Later me's problem! No one will be here to give me endless weed in literally two days, and im not here for the hunt, so whateves.

btw this paragraph is tmi sex stuffs ewwie look away if u dont want to know. But yea, I'm like, really understanding why people do these things. I mean, I am still a trauma sponge, so my enjoyment is very closely tied to how sober I am, but I am still understanding and craving rn, two things I didn't know I was capable of! I have never really Got The Point of sexual interactions, but no one has ever made me Feel Like This so uh, hehe, I'm starting to get it. Endlessly, I am grateful for my person <3 I am also so glad they're so understanding and kinda always the right amount of involved when I tell them things. They take what I say at face value and dont assign extra reasoning to things. If I say, "I got triggered during sex but its not your fault, and its okay," they go, "okay, thanks for letting me know!" And that's that!! Now, they sometimes ask me for pain updates during and also take those answers exactly in the way I mean them!!! & then they adjust accordingly and we move on!!! They dont let their insecurity or fear make me feel bad! And they dont make shitty assumptions on my character for no good reason!! I might be falling in love with them... but that's another tangent. I could go on about them for ever and ever

My friends and I have decided that the five of us are a "mostly platonic polycule," which has absolutely short circuit my brain bc that's all I've ever wanted, really, and it's really nice?? We all adore eachother and we paint together, and we kiss eachother, and go on five person dates, and have sleepovers, and cuddle in the back seat of the car while the other two jam to the music, and refer to a group as 4/5 or 3/5 if someone is missing. Idk, it's just nice, I know it's to be short-lived as we would not survive as a couple without the friend who came to visit (and may not be back again for months.) We will fall apart without her. We're all still good friends tho and im excited to see what does happen next!!

I have so many more songs to relate to now lol

[hms-tardimpala]

I finally figured out why I enjoy long-running bad shows better than the majority of Good Shows™ I watch. And it's not because I have trashy taste (although I do, I'm at my happiest raccooning the bins).

It's true that no show over 10 seasons is of good quality. But when a show carries on past its expiration date, it ceases to be a story and becomes a box. A box of potential, in which you can do whatever you want with the characters. Who knows what's going to come out of the box next? Not you, and often not the writers. Shows (especially actual TV shows and not streaming platforms shows) acquire some measure of safety if they run long, and the teams behind them feel comfy enough to try stuff.

A show in its box stage is free to do a lot of fun shit. Meta. Parody. Zany episode concepts not bound to the overarching plot where you can tell the actors are just having a blast at work. Musical episodes. Shark-jumping because it's fascinating to put the characters in a situation, logic be damned. It's borderline fanfiction at times!

I'm not all that interested in plot, really. I love a good story, but my thing is characters and spectacle. I'd take a show going ham over a tight plot taking itself seriously any day. It's probably linked to my taste for absurdism. And cringe doesn't bother me as it used to.

When all the plot potential has run its course and been exhausted, characters are what the team making the show are left with. Having worked on them for years, writers and actors have a lot of love for their characters and it comes through. Good character writing is like necromancy: it can keep my interest in a show alive years after it stopped being "good".

The best examples of this box effect in my favorite shows are Supernatural and Hawaii 5-0. I love that when you put an episode on, you don't know what crazy shit you'll be seeing today.

Am I saying that these shows are better than Black Sails, Ripper Street, Succession or The Terror, short series that I've watched in recent years and that really marked me and changed me as a viewer? Hell no! They don't compete. But these masterpieces don't evoke the same passion in me. They don't make me get tattoos or write fanfic. Short shows have little time, so they focus on the story they have to tell and can't go on these wild tangents I love.

I have appreciation for a good story, I have passion for a good box.

[seesiderendezvous]

🎓

[imgoingtohellsofuckit]

The Birthday Party

Kento Nanami x reader

Content: Tooth rotting fluff, suggestive words

Summary: You and Nanami finally get a moment to yourselves at Yuji’s birthday party. (tbh this is just fluff, not much happening then just feel good moments with Nanami if you can’t tell i am coping poorly)

The loud music blares through the campus disrupting anything and everything in the area. It’s just noise, Nanami thinks, definitely nothing of quality. Of course, perhaps he’s biased in the fact it’s something that the kids and Gojo picked out to liven the spirits. Itadori’s birthday was an event they wanted to be cheerful for. Even if the fact of this birthday will probably be one of the last ones Itadori would celebrate was hanging harshly on everyone. So the reality was tabled in favor for them to focus on celebrating the boy who frankly deserved it more than anyone could really understand. Nanami can hear the teens laughing eagerly. Everyone seems to be having fun. So he makes sure not to show his distaste for the music on his face. “

You know Kento you can relax a little,” You say brightly as you move to his side. Handing over to him a cup.

“Didn’t see you walking over here,” Kento tells you. You chuckle lightly.

“You were too focused on the kids to notice,” You point out, “it’s soda. That alright?” He nods lightly. “They all are really enjoying the party. Even Maki seems to be getting into it.”

“They need the break,” He points out. You nod lightly. Your hands now clutched around your own plastic cup. Rings scrapping ever so slightly against the sides. His eyes trail over you. The party attire gives you an excuse to dress more casually, but also more in your style. You always complain about how the sorcerer world doesn’t give you many chances to really express yourself. He’s heard your tangent about how the higherups have complained about your clothing choices more than once because they are all “way too old to understand fashion”. He didn’t get much of it but he’d always listen. Knowing just how much you appreciate him wanting to listen. “You look beautiful,” He says with a soft smile. You chuckle at his words.

“That’s the sixth time you’ve complimented me today,” You inform him, “but thank you.”

“I just want you to know how amazing I think you look,” He explains, “you’re gorgeous.” You smile. He feels the rush of electricity in his bones as you do. Your smile ethereal. He thinks you’re too pretty to be real sometimes. Way too gorgeous to be his. When you first met he used to wait for the other shoe to drop. Someone can’t be this smart and kind and absolutely gorgeous. This utterly perfect. But the other shoe never dropped and he never question it. Afraid that the second he did that something bad would happen. The other shoe dropping would be the cruel knife of fate cutting the time you two had together short. In any way that it could.

“You look very handsome Kento,” You say sweetly as you move towards him. He moves to slip his arm around your waist. A not entirely subtle way for him to show that you’re his. Pulling you close so that your hip hits his. “So amazing.” He smiles lightly as you look over at him.

 “I think you’re exaggerating,” He says as he meets your eyes.

“Oi don’t do that,” You say firmly as you pull away from him slightly to move and cup his cheek not letting him look away from you, “don’t play it off like I’m lying to you- because I’m not. You’re amazing Kento.” He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he looks over your features carefully. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” He says softly. You smile moving to meet him in a sweet kiss. His free hand moving to slip around your waist. Both of you trying to be careful in your movements to accommodate for the cups. You pull away and move kissing along his cheeks and then his jaw as he chuckles lightly at the action.

“I love you,” You say between each kiss, “I really really love you.” He won’t say it but he appreciates how physical you are. How great you make him feel. “My big handsome man,” You say before placing one last kiss on his forehead.

 “What did I ever do to deserve you?” He asks as he meets your eyes.

“I should be asking you that,” You say with a light laugh, “I mean- you Kento Nanami are like the perfect man.” He rolls his eyes lightly. “I mean you’re respectful, sweet, understanding, sexy.”

“Are you sucking up to me right now?” He asks as he looks down at you.

“Yes and no,” You reply, “I am being entirely honest- but spreading it on a little thick in the hopes that I can spend the night completely interrupted later with my fiance… And you can be a lot less than  kind to me tonight.” You send him a wink. He adjusts his tie lightly as his face goes red. Hoping to play off how completely flustered you are. Especially considering the poor timing of Gojo walking towards you two.

“Hey, love birds!” Gojo says eagerly, “you two are missing out on all of the fun.”

“Yeah?” You ask the white-haired man, “sorry didn’t mean to… us old people just got a little tired.” Gojo laughs.

“You both are younger than me,” He points out. You make a face.

“Sorry to break it to you Satoru,” You tease, “you are pretty old.” He scoffs. A little offended but mostly playing around. Nanami laughs as he raises his drink to his lips. Gojo looks over at the blonde quickly. Gojo would never admit it but he did think the two of you were good for each other and he’s completely glad you two got together. Without you, he’s never seen the blonde man so comfortable and happy.

 “Take it back I am not old!”

“You’re pretty much ancient,” You mock.

“I am spry and young!” Gojo exclaims, “I am at the peak of my life.” You nod clearly unconvinced. Gojo looks over to Nanami. “My beloved Nanami do you see how your fiance talks to me! It should be criminal.”

“If you ask me she’s being too nice,” Nanami says, “besides I think someone needs to be there to humble you.” Gojo scoffs.

“Wow I can’t believe this,” He says, “And to think I was going to let you both know that Yuji is cutting the cake.” You both shake your heads at the older man. “Come on.” You two follow the man over to where the others had gathered. Your hand is laced with Kento’s. He keeps a firm hold on you. Like that somehow you’d just float away if he didn’t. Everyone sings for Yuji, then you move to help with cutting the cake. Not wanting one of the kids to be the one with the knife. Gojo stands back with Nanami. “You looove her,” Gojo teases. Nanami rolls his eyes.

“I think that’s been established,” Nanami points out, “I mean we are engaged.” Gojo shrugs. 

“You take the fun out of teases you,” Gojo says with a slight pout, “I mean come on let me have some fun with it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“As your future best man-”

“Who said you’d be my best man?”

“I’m not?!” Gojo exclaims capturing the attention of the other guests. You look over raising a brow as you hand a piece of cake over to Toge. “Y/n did you know that Kento isn’t making me his best man?!” She chuckles lightly. “You knew? The betrayal!”

“We aren’t having a wedding party,” You offer in defense as you move back to cutting the cake.

“So I’m not going to be your maid of honor either?” Gojo asks at once, “why am I even coming?”

“About that,” Nanami says as he looks over to Gojo, “no one said you were invited.” Gojo looks at the blonde in clear offense. Taken back by the audacity at the two people he thought were his friends.

“I wasn’t invited! I am the reason you got together-”

“Kento don’t lie to him,” You say shutting the white-haired man down, “you are invited Gojo- but like I said we aren’t having a bridal party but if it means that much to you then sure you can be my maid of honor.”

“That’s what I thought,” Gojo says as you hand him a piece of cake. He moves off to bother Megumi while you look over to the blonde.

“He would have believed that he wasn’t invited if you had let it go on a minute longer,” Nanami points out.

“Yeah and then we’d have to worry about him getting back at us by objecting at our wedding with a whole confession speech for you,” You point out, “trust me it’s easier this way.” Nanami nods. “Want a slice?”

“Wanna share one?” He asks. You nod. Cutting off a bigger piece for you two to split. The two of you ditch your cups on the table as you move towards him with the slice of cake and two forks. “You know I’m glad that we came tonight- I am actually having fun.”

“You always have fun with me Kento babe,” You point out as you raise your fork full of cake up. Offering him the bite.

 “I do,” He says, “you feeding me now?”

“Practicing for our wedding night,” You tell him. He nods. Moving to take the bite. You move to stab the fork into another piece. Taking that bite for yourself. “That’s so good- Gojo and his fancy bakeries… Maybe since he’s my maid of honor he’ll buy us a cake?”

“I would not trust that to him,” Kento points out. You laugh lightly.

“What you don’t want a cake with his face on it for our big night?” You tease. 

“He’ll actually do it,” Kento says. You shrug.

“It’ll keep things interesting,” You point out. You look back over to him smiling lightly.

 “I really love you,” He says as he looks at you. You smile.

“I really love you too,” You reply. Your brows furrow slightly. “Everything alright?” He nods. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I just am so in love with you,” He admits, “I never thought I could love someone so much.” You chuckle lightly.

“Well, I’m glad that I could be the one you love,” You say as you set the cake on the table. Moving to cup his cheek. “Because I love you more than anything or anyone in this world.” He smiles. You move meeting him in a sweet kiss.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if it could always be like this?” Nanami thinks to himself as he moves to peck your temple.

. 

[intergalacticaquarium]

An Extremely Unfriendly Wager

 eddie munson/fem!reader (3rd person)

Summary: Eddie's classmate hates him because of how loud he's been, when she finds out that Eddie is going to be held back and she won't get a quiet senior year without him, she snaps and demands that he let her tutor him. Eddie agrees, but not without some more fun stakes.

Content: No warnings! Just a...meet weird and me pairing eddie with any kind of deranged woman I can think of to see how he reacts. enemies to lovers but like...no lovers they just talk but u get it.

   Her name was Y/N, and all she had ever wanted for her entire life was to have a moment of peace and quiet. 

From the moment she awoke alongside her hoards of siblings to the moment she fell asleep in the room she shared with 2 of her sisters, somebody was talking too loud.

    The only time that she ever remembered having a chance at some genuine peace and quiet was nap time in the second grade when they’d bring hers and another few classes into a big empty room full of mats, everybody would lie down, and it would be blissfully, beautifully quiet for thirty unforgettable minutes. She always stayed awake for as long as she could because she knew that it was the only time that she truly got silence.

    Until Eddie Munson switched to her naptime room, and that one moment of peace she had treasured more than anything else in her short life was stolen.

    Little Eddie hated nap time. 

    And Y/N hated Eddie for the next nine years because of it. 

    Y/N had seven younger siblings, two dogs, a parrot, and her parents were local radio DJs, and somehow Eddie Munson was still the single loudest human being she had ever met in her life- and by sheer bad luck or a curse passed down from her ancestors he was everywhere she went. 

 At first they had no classes together, then he’d fail one and have to retake it the next year with her class, and the ones he hadn’t failed seemed to be the ones that she excelled at and was allowed to take with the upperclassmen. Every year it seemed like he was in more of them until their schedules were nearly identical. Even after she got home he drove past her house on the way home from school blasting terrible music and driving like a maniac. Once she had straight up ditched class for the first time in her life just so she could go stand in the woods for a half an hour and not be bothered by anybody she found him at a secluded picnic table smoking. He was inescapable. The noise was inescapable.

He argued with teachers, tried to get them on off topic tangents, talked to other students constantly, made bad jokes, drew idiotic comparisons, drummed on his desk, clicked his pen, hummed, stood on tables and shouted during lunch- as far as she could tell he was also cursed by his ancestors and he knew that if he stopped making noise for even a second he would instantly be killed. 

    The only thing that kept her hanging on was knowing that he was a senior and that next year, he would be gone. Graduated. Not her problem. She’d never have to hear him bouncing his leg while wearing a fucking wallet chain again as long as she lived. Graduation was in two months and then she’d be free.

Or at least that’s what she thought.

She was in the lunchroom, sequestered into a corner. Eddie was standing on the table ranting and raving or just philosophizing to the student body about whatever garbage he had read in a zine that weekend, as he did about twice a week, when she heard words that made her blood run cold. 

"They give us numbers for our value and when we're not cookie cutter enough for all these stupid pieces of paper then they make you stay for another year so they can have just a liiiitle more time to iron out anything that makes you different."  He shouted, wildly gesticulating. 

Y/N's eyes went wide in horror at what that seemed to mean 

"Dude-did you get held back?" One of his little leather clad buddies asked, and Eddie made a face. 

"Not yet because they're gonna give me 'one more chance to apply myself" but I'll tell you something right now- I still don't give a shit, and they can't make me!"

"So drop out!" Somebody from a party table shouted, to a few scattered cheers and laughs, and Eddie turned dramatically on his heel.

"Yeah, yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you. They would really like it if I just left with nothing to show for all the bullshit they put me through. No way, man. I'm walking across that stage next year and flipping the principal off so he knows that he can't break me!" His friends cheered and Y/N felt a piece of her brain sort of…break. 

“Shut Up!” Y/N heard shrieked across the cafeteria loud enough for everybody to turn and look at the source. When all heads turned her way she realized that she was the one that yelled. She didn’t know when she’d stood up either.

“Well, well, well- do I have a challenger?” He asked, obviously not about to let her stop his roll.

    “Just shut up. I just want you to shut the fuck up. Once. Just once. For like a second just shut up! Just shut your mouth, Eddie!” She said with more anger and conviction than she knew she had in her. Everybody stared at her and it was probably the most words that any of them had ever heard her say.

    “Do what you want to silence me-It's never going to work!” He dragged out, walking towards her with a cocky gait.

    “I know that. I know it’s never going to work, Eddie. You know how I know that? Because I’ve sat in front of you in class a fucking hundred thousand times and you never stop talking. I don’t even want to stop talking right now because that means that you’re going to respond! And now you’re telling me that they told you that you might get held back and you’re not even going to try to pass and I have to deal with you for another year? Do you ever think about how your actions affect others? That we have to just sit there and listen to you all day and-”

    “I didn’t realize you were so obsessed with me that you were hanging on my every word.”

    “How can I not hear them all when you seem to be everywhere that I fucking am? Why do you make so many speeches? What is it about you that makes you so sure that everybody wants to hear what you have to say.”

    “They don’t want to hear it- but they need to. I’m only speaking the truth, even if you’re all in denial about it. And you can do what you want to try and put me in a box and shut me up so that nobody has to hear anything that challenges their worldview or-” he kept going on and on and all of a sudden Y/N just couldn’t take it.

    Eddie turned around to keep ranting to the cafeteria with arms raised like a damn ringmaster, utterly delighted that somebody was reacting to his antics again, and when he turned back to face her she wasted absolutely no time reaching over and grabbing a handful of spaghetti from the nearest student and throwing it at him, hitting him right in the face.

    To her credit, that did shut him up.

    ---

Detention. Y/N had never gotten detention before, and when it was only her and Eddie in the room she regretted everything that had happened in her life that led her to this point. If this was a test by the school or maybe God or some other power of ironic fate to make her change her ways they were succeeding. 

    Y/N felt awkward and sufficiently embarrassed but also it was just…quiet. She closed her eyes in peace and just tried to enjoy it for as long as she could. She didn’t even care that she was in trouble anymore, or she didn’t until she heard a pop sound, and opened one eye to see Eddie leaning back in his chair, pressing his lips together and releasing them to make a little noise and then repeating the action.

    “You have to stop.” She said in annoyance, and he sighed.

"We're gonna be here for like 3 hours, Y/N. You can't actually expect me to be completely silent for that long."

"I would never be stupid enough to expect that from you, Eddie. I can hope for it but I definitely don't expect it."

    “Do I really annoy you that much?” He asked incredulously, and she hated how funny he seemed to think it was. 

    “Yes.” She said succinctly.

"Just because I'm noisy?"

"You're not just noisy, Eddie. You're the loudest person I've ever met. You take up so much space for somebody so skinny. I sat next to you in bio last year and your stuff was always on my desk and you'd get crumbs everywhere and you say stupid things sometimes and you hiss at people and I mean jesus at least your better than you used to be but you've also definitely stopped getting better. Like, yeah, you don't full on pretend to be a zombie pterodactyl for days at a time anymore and I guess you don't sometimes show up in full wizard gear and put curses on everybody anymore but like-"

"Christ, I feel like I'm in court."  He complained. 

"If I could arrest you, Eddie, believe me when I say that I would without hesitation. I would have done it years ago in like second grade when you started pretending to have fucking exorcist style night terrors during nap time and claim to never remember. Or when you put a ton of paint into a balloon in art class and got on the table and yelled scatter and threw it and it exploded and everything was black and it never came off my favorite shirt.” She was really going now, and Eddie was pretty sure that this was the most effective detention he had ever been subjected to. He tried to cut in, but her gesticulating and increasing volume left no room for interruption. 

“And I haven't haven't mentioned when you saw Alien and went full xenomorph when people tried to talk to you I mean what the fuck, Eddie? How many times can you haul yourself on a table pretending to die before pulling your arm in your sleeve and shoving out through your collar like a chest burster so you can pull the hair of whoever was actually still concerned when they see you die again."

"Okay, kids do weird shit all the time, what about when you- uh" He faltered when he realized he started talking without an example. 

"It's not just about when we were kids it's that you still do that shit. Still you randomly start howling like a werewolf when things get too quiet or boring and get up onto tables making speeches and send your wizard buddies into the cafeteria while fighting with fake swords!"  She said, exasperated

    “Alright. Asked and answered. Why did you never say anything?” He asked, kind of horrified and she glared at him.

    “When would I have done that?” She asked bitterly, and he gave her a conceding nod of his head.

    “I dunno. Standing up and yelling at me seemed pretty effective." He said with a grin. 

"Is this funny to you?" She asked angrily, knowing by the glee on his face that she wasn't going to like the answer 

"Kinda, yeah. I'm not sure how else to take finding out that somebody I've literally never had a conversation with hates me this much and has apparently been prepping her case since third grade. Objectively, that's pretty funny."

"Do you have a lot of conversations where other people have a chance to get a word in?"

He laughed incredulously.

 "I'm not one of those screaming guys pointing from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I am in fact capable of listening to another person."

"You literally used to do that in Ms. Jenkins' class. You literally did that."

"Yes….I did, didn't I?" He said quietly, at least having the decency to look a little embarrassed. His instincts told him to keep teasing her but honestly he was a little worried that this girl might not be crazy in a fun way. 

A moment of quiet fell when he waited for her to say something, and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She tried so hard to appreciate the silence but something was still tormenting her 

"Are you really getting held back?"

"Looks like it." He shrugged.

She turned around to look at him "What would it take to get you to graduate?"

"I dunno, like a Bible level miracle?" He said in a joking way, hoping to break through her weird seething fury.

She thought for a moment. "Let me tutor you." She said firmly.

"Excuse me?"

"Let me tutor you."

"I heard you the first time, but I think we just established that you hate my guts and that it would take a huge amount of effort to pass this year so why would you want to do that?"

"Because I really really want a quiet senior year. More than anything I've ever wanted in my life." She asked with the kind of desperation Eddie imagined was normally only used by people that just walked through the desert for two  days asking for some water. 

"....no, I don't think I'm gonna do that." He said. She was weird and that was certainly intriguing but he was also getting weirded out in a bad way which didn't happen to him often. 

"I'll give you a hundred dollars if you graduate." She said, and he laughed aloud. 

"You will give me a hundred dollars so you can tutor me. That's insane. You're insane."

She nodded emphatically. "Yes. That might be true. I think that my brain may be permanently damaged from never getting to calibrate to the sound of silence. I have seven siblings, a parrot and two dogs. It's never going to be quiet at home but it could be quiet at school. I just want you gone, Eddie. It would fix so much." She said, so genuinely and  and he was shaken to his core knowing that the girl he had sat behind for a solid decade was even more unhinged than he was. 

"You don't want to be around me so you're going to spend the next 2 months working your ass off, with me for a lot of time to help me graduate? You see where this is getting confusing, yes?"

"It's It's investment that will eventually lead to greater returns. Honestly, what do you have to lose?" She asked, her voice still so weirdly begging that he was having a hard time saying no. Whether that was because he was getting more weird into her weirdness as the conversation progressed or he was worried that she would steal his eyelashes he wasn't sure.

"I guess? This is insane and I'm pretty sure that in like a day you're gonna change your mind when you see my report card but sure. I'll call that bluff." He said, leaning back and laughing, 

"You think I'm bluffing?" 

He leans in with a grin. 

"How about we do it this way- if I graduate, I give you a hundred bucks, if you can't take it anymore and give up, then you give me a hundred bucks." 

"No way. You'll just be extra annoying and not try so I'll give you money." She said with a frown. "Why can't we just do the first thing?"

"Because I don't think you're going to be able to take it and I want to add some real stakes." He said with a grin, and she looked at him with a determined face. "Let's just take money out of it altogether- in fact, I'll pay you to tutor me. Every day until finals." He said with a mischievous look.  "And if you stick it out every day and I still don't graduate, I promise not to talk in the same room as you for the next year, so either way you get your quiet." He said.

"What if I give up?" She asked, and he thought. 

"Hmmm….I think you should decide. What can you do for me that would equal a year of silence?"

"I….have no idea. You sure you don't want the hundred dollars?" 

"Uh uh- ooh! What about if you can't take it then you have to make a lunch room speech with me. On the tables. Can be about whatever you want." He grinned, and she looked at him confused.

"Why would you want that?" She asked with a nervous laugh.

"Because I've seen you every school day for a decade and I had no idea that you were this weird until today. I think the people deserve to know." 

"Seriously? That doesn't seem…equivalent."

"I can think of something worse- you also wanna be my lab partner next year. Hey, that's not a bad idea."

"I should've just left it at that."

"Yup, you should've."

"What's to stop you from just being as obnoxious as possible so you can win?"

"Hm….is my word not enough in this situation?" She shook her head. 

"Okay if I bail or stop trying….man this is getting complicated-"

"If you bail or genuinely don't try….you have to let me eat lunch in your van next year."

"My van is really gross."

"Yes, but it's silent, and I don't have a car." She explained, and he nodded.

"Do we have a deal? If you can tutor me every day until finals I don't say anything in the same room as you next year, if you can't handle it then you have to make a lunch room speech with me and be my lab partner next year, and if i can't handle the tutoring then I have to let you eat lunch in my van next year." He said, sticking out a hand.

"What if you graduate?" She asked

"Well….that's what you wanted to begin with. Then it's a win-win." He said, and she raised an eyebrow. He grinned. "IIIIII get it, you want to sweeten the pot, huh?"

"I mean, if I'm getting no Eddie as a reward both times then what's to stop me from just showing up every day and not trying- and what's to stop you from just being as annoying as possible to win?" 

"You have a point, there should be a best case scenario reward for us in the very unlikely instance that this actually pays off." 

"Right. Something good for both of us that's worth all the work." She said thoughtfully. 

"I can't really think of anything." He said honestly, and she shook her head. 

"Me neither. Maybe….TBD? Decide after we know if there's….anything that both of us actually enjoy." 

"I'm sure there's something." He said with a glimmer in his eye and she smiled a little.

For a moment she forgot she was talking to her one sided arch nemesis and she was about to laugh, but then she heard the sound of his wallet chain bouncing with his leg and she remembered. 

"Alright, we'll decide on our grand prize later. Do we have a deal?" He asked, and stuck out his hand. She nodded resolutely and shook it. 

He grinned, this was fun, but he was sure it would be over by the weekend, and Y/N closed her eyes, leaning back to enjoy the moment of silence that detention offered, and realize that maybe she was biting off more than she could chew. 

tags

@sweet--em @annikin-im-panicin @seafoamgreenpng

[rommahh]

{Harry in sparkly black….Harry lemme **** *** *** for free}

You hadn’t talked to Harry all day. Not that you were mad at him or anything but your therapy this morning left you feeling a little spacey. There was something about talking about your emotions that left you feeling emotionally drained.

You missed Harry terribly and though it’s only been a short week, you felt very lonely. But on another note, your anxiety wasn’t as bad as it was. You were starting to feel like your normal self again but missing something.

You loved the tight knit life you have with Harry. You like being around him most hours of the day. You two were inseparable. If you were in the shower, he was in the bathroom reading a book from the lounger chair in the corner. If he was writing music on the beach, you were somewhere on the shore collecting shells. If you were going to the grocery store the least he could do was go for the drive with you. You two were close and it was something the both of you were ok with.

Some couples don’t like being so close but it worked for you and Harry. Being away from Harry was a weird experience. It’s only been a week but you feel like it’s been a lifetime. You haven’t minded being on your own but you wanted to be with the person you felt most connected to.

So being you, you purchased a ticket to Chicago. You didn’t know how Harry was going to react but you could only assume it would be a positive reaction. You told Jeff that you were coming so he could get you a hotel key and backstage pass.

As you sat in the airport you felt your back pocket buzz- your music pausing for the call. Your hand slipped into the pocket roughly pulling out the small phone. Harry’s icon, him in a fluffy robe looking as grumpy as ever, met your eyes. You cursed because you were quite obviously in the airport and if he saw you, the surprise would be ruined.

You answered anyways but only for audio. You made sure that your airpods were snug in you ear and there was no chance of them falling out.

“My lover!” Harry greets you a in sing song voice. You could hear his humph as he recognizes that you didn’t answer with the FaceTime video on. “Turn your camera on.”

“Can’t, I’m not feeling good.” You fib nervously. Harry frowned, nervous that he may have done something to upset you.

“Oh, alright. What’s wrong then?” He asks. You chew your lip trying to think of an answer.

“Uh, period.” You stammer.

“Your period doesn’t start for another few day…saw it on the tracker.” Harry may have your period tracker on his phone but it was because he wanted to make sure he was able to comfort you the best way he could when he needed to.

“Must be the meds-“ The sound of your boarding attendant sounded over your head cutting you off. “Hey bubs, I’ve actually got to go but we can’t chat later.”

“Sure, that’s fine I guess. Love you.” He mumbles, confused by the phone call. You hang up leaving Harry a little lost in his thoughts.

Later, Harry sang through his rehearsal carelessly, his head clouded with thoughts. He even sang through TBSL and though he was in the worst of moods, fans waiting at the venue thought he never sounded better.

You on the other hand had just sat through the worst flight of your life. There was a woman in the flight who didn’t want to wear her mask causing commotion before the flight could even take off. You had the worst headache halfway through the flight and because of the lack on supplies, the flight couldn’t give you any ginger ale or accommodations.

You didn’t let any of it get to you though as you directed for the chauffeur Jeff sent for you to go to the venue for show.

Harry sat in the common room backstage with the band and Jeff eating dinner grumpily. His fork was stabbing every little piece of lettuce of his salad, everyone watched worried that he may break his bowl.

“HS3 is trending on Twitter today, pretty exciting.” Jeff says to Harry breaking the silence. Jeff just received a text from you saying that you arrived to the venue and were walking towards Harry’s dressing room.

“Mmm great.” Harry grumbles. Jeff rolled his eyes at the diva.

“Someone’s a little pissy this evening. How about you go fix that mood before you greet your fans with a bad attitude.” Jeff scolds him like a child who just got caught doing something they shouldn’t have. Jeff really didn’t care about Harry’s attitude, used to the moods at this point, but he needed a way for Harry to leave the room and see you in the dressing room.

“Fine, didn’t want to be around anyways.” Harry shrugs.

Back in Harry’s dressing room, you rolled your suitcase into a corner where Harry’s outfit for the night resided on a hanger. You smiled at the sparkly black top that you helped pick out. You walked around his dressing room from the hair and makeup table, past the bathroom/ dressing area, and back around to the couch’s and coffee table where you took a seat. You snagged one of his green juices needing the boost of energy from being on the flight.

You heard the door knob jiggle but stayed planted in you seat sipping on the juice. You never made a peep as Harry barged through the room, scowl covering his face. He stormed past the couch not batting an eye at you. He went to the mini fridge where his juices were before letting an exasperated sigh.

“Who fucking took my juice?” He whines. You quietly giggle in your hand at his tone.

“Im sorry, thought I could have it.” You chuckle. Harry leaps from where he stands letting out a yell. He turns to look at you with wide eyes, hand over his chest as if his heart was going to explode from his chest. You stood from the couch waiting for him to react more but he just stood there in shock. When the realization of you actually being there kicked in he let out another yell before bounding over to you.

Before you knew it, you had two strong arms wrapped tightly around you. Your wrapped around his neck, hands and fingers spread through his hair. His face tucked into your lower neck peppering desperate kisses all over just to feel something.

“What are you doing here?” You hear him cry. You pulled away from him to wipe his eyes of the tears that streamed down his face.

“I needed to see you.” Was all you could muster. He pulled you down on the couch, your body cushioning his larger frame. He laid in between your legs, your back flat in the body of the couch.

“Im so happy your here.” Harry couldn’t even put his excitement into words. He knew you were coming in a week but to have you here earlier than that made him feel things. He sat up from suffocating you into the couch, allowing for you to sit up beside him. “What about your therapy? I hope you’re not jeopardizing your mental health to be here with me cause I would much prefer if you put me on the back burner and took care of yourself.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “I’m ok. I still will see my therapist virtually, I’ve got all new meds that are working fine, and if all goes to shit I will go back home. It’s ok bubs.” You reassure him.

He grabs your face with both hands pulling your face to his. Your lips meet with need. His lips slotting with yours, moving slowly but with rigor as if he was scared you would slip from his fingers. Your bottom lips fit between his lips leaving for him to suck on it slightly. You moaned at the feeling making Harry pull you in tighter. You sat slightly upon his lap, chest against each other tightly. Your tongues pushed at one another, lips loving in tangent.

You pulled away when you felt his lower presence awaken. He whined at the loss of contact making you giggle.

“If we go any further you’re gonna be late for your show. I’ll give you more back at the hotel, yeah?” You say lowly trying to catch your breathe. He groaned resting his forehead on yours chasing your lips with chaste kisses making you smile.

“Fine, you owe my though. This is level three apology situation that can only be resolved with these things; sloppy blowies, butt stuff, or face masks if you catch my drift.” He chastised. You let out a deep belly laugh pushing yourself away from him. You two still sit facing each other, your legs slightly on top of his.

“You’re so nasty, but I may be able to arrange one of those.” You wink making Harry let out a triumphant laugh.

“Are you staying for the show? I understand if your not.” He questions fiddling with your fingers.

“Think it would be best if I didn’t. I’m really tired and I obviously need a nap if I’m going to be up for your post show antics.” You joke giving his nose a poke. He jokingly pretends to bite your finger in retaliation.

Harry went on stage that night happier than ever. He started plotting proposals from the second he walked you to the car with your suitcase and waved goodbye to you. You went to the hotel room and “accidentally” fell asleep wearing one of your most recent purchases curled up in your tour bus blanket.

Let’s just say that Harry not so accidentally woke you up after that concert ready to love all of his adrenaline off in you.

Part 2👀

[txaritsa]

» [stress relief ] «

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

0:00 ─〇───── 0:00

⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

18+📀MDNI (MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED)📀 body worship if you squint, throat fucking, use of ‘good girl’ once

poorly written I’m sorry I’m learning, tad ooc?

The day was long and the day was boring. Childe was an agent of chaos, the Harbinger you send to take down armies to cause mass destruction. Yet here he was on a mission to steal a gnosis, something that was taking too much diplomacy and not enough bloodshed. Did it amuse childe that he was going to swipe the gnosis from underneath everyone’s noses? Of course, but he wasn’t that fond of delayed gratification.

Gratification

A smirk appears as Childe remembers what’s waiting upstairs for him. Nobody really questioned the harbinger when he brazenly announced that he was bringing his pet along with him, after all who other than his fellow harbingers would question him?

No one that’s who.

Just like how no one raises a brow when he asks to be alone with you.

Childe wastes no time; embracing you in a rough kiss before you can rise from your position on the bed. Whispers of how much he misses you accompanies each peck to any and all flesh he has immediate access to.

Your airy laugh is music to his ears after the long and thankless day. He wants to hold you tight enough that you meld together, but settles for stealing a proper kiss from you.

“I take it work has been a lot today.” You manage to get out. Childe lets out a moan in agreement, not ready to part from your lips just yet. Surrendering to his assault you let your hands roam underneath the grey regalia, feeling the stress taut like a bow under his skin.

With a slight push you were able to guide Childe down onto the bed. “Why don’t you tell me about your day?” You offer, slowly sinking before him. Childe knows what you plan to do, allowing your hands to wander the expanse of his toned thighs before reaching for the button of his slacks.

Childe lets his upper body sink into the plush of the mattress, taking a moment to thank every archon for you to him. Taking the moment to just relish in the feeling of being alone with nothing but you and your touch as you rub him through his pants before coaxing them off his hips.

Starting with meeting the consultant, Zhongli, Childe goes on a tangent about the curiously intelligent man and his short comings with money. “So I asked him what he could possibly need with all that mora and he starts lecturing me on taking the job seriously ! As if I were the unreasonable one and not him for wanting to spend Archons knows how much on cor lapis. For the amount he’s borrowed so far I could set up my own extraction site.” He lets out a huff, sliding a hand through rust colored locks in frustration.

Childe can feel himself about to spiral at the thoughts of the expense report paperwork that he needs to start, and so can you.

“Ajax?” You call out to him, head nuzzling his inner thigh while a hand traces splashes of freckles on his other thigh. “What else happened ?”

The sight alone is enough to make him twitch, eliciting a breathy giggle. With his attention finally captured, you started slowly rolling his boxers down his hips.

“It sounds like this Zhongli is quite the handful.” You murmur. Something about Zhongli’s name coming out of your mouth made something inside the red head turn. Childe cants his hips upward as if to remind you of that you offered to take care of him and not talk about annoying men with bad spending habits.

Deciding hes done with letting you lead, Childe straightens from the lax position on the bed. You pick up on his mood shift, scooting closer until your chin was gently resting against his pelvis, waiting for his order.

“Archons that Zhongli talks so-fucking-much.” Childe punctuates his words with slaps of his cock to your face, “say ahh for me.” Your mouth opens letting your tongue stick out in a silent invitation. Childe eases himself into the heat of your mouth, taking a moment to revel in the feeling of your warmth. He gives you a second to adjust from the rough treatment, waiting for you to grab your bearings. You adjust yourself on the floor beneath him, looking up to give him permission to take the day out on you. He grins down at you thankfully, carding a hand through your hair before securing a grip at the base of your skull.

“And don’t get me started by that dumb fairy the traveler brings around.” His pace is steadfast, continuously hitting the spot right before the trigger of your gag reflex. It’s easy for Childe to forget he was trying to have a conversation with the rhythmic sound of you choking and sputtering along his length. Childe slows the snap of his hips, taking in your spit covered and flushed face. There’s a sound of approval that leaves his throat when he sees you reach for his dick without hesitation, taking the pinkish head into your mouth in an attempt of the faux control you had earlier. Childe lets out a shameless moan in result of your teasing letting his head roll to the side.

“If I have to hear another-oh shit, just like that good girl” you stop to prompt him. “If you have to hear?” You prompt before going back to suck at the tip. “If I have to hear another story about osmanthis wine or some fuckin memory I’m going to- just like that.“ he encourages with a languid roll of his hips while his hands grip the fancy sheets beneath him.

You pay no head to the warning, continuing to hum a mindless tune. Childe catches you by surprise when he suddenly springs up from his seated position, humping your face shamelessly trying to chase his orgasm. The hand that was gripping your hair comes back to shake your skull back and forth on his cock. He lets out a slew of curse words in Schneznyan before he finishes in your mouth. He basks in the feeling of bliss, letting his hips spasm in the after shocks of his orgasm as he tries to regain control of his breath. There’s a dip in the bed, your figure snuggling in the crooks of his, staring into deep ocean blue abyss. He runs a finger along your jaw, never breaking your gaze until you close your eyes to muzzle into is touch. “Was that all of your day?” You ask gently, secretly hoping he would be wanting to go again soon.

[perperam]

Do you have any Harlivy fic recommendations? Preferably something that is already completed?

OH I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

okay okay so quick little tangent fact !! I actually just finished my undergrad degree in "english literature analysis & writing" and reading fics is so fun bc I get to analyze them and break them down and if it's particularly well written the stars align and it's just UGH so good. 

ratings are: E (explicit) M (mature) T (teens and up) and G (everyone) anyways here is a HUGE list of my favorite fics to date, their stats/details/plots, reasonings as to why they're on the list to begin with, and a short analysis:

SHORT STORIES (less than 30k words)

for your convenience they’re in order of length bc I’m focusing on this super hard rn

KISS YOUR BEST FRIEND CHALLENGE (T)  STATS — 340 words, shenanigans, fluff PLOT — Harley, TikTok and general Social Media queen, decides to do the trending challenge to kiss your best friend. The best friend? Her roommate and the woman she’s been crushing on for fucking ever: Poison Ivy.

AM I TOO CLOSE? (CAUSE YOU FOLD INTO ME LIKE A HEART WITH A BEAT) (G) STATS — 839 words, fluff, shenanigans PLOT — Harley genuinely wasn’t looking for trouble, but it’s hard to just have a day out when you’re one of Gotham’s most wanted. Running into Ivy, she takes drastic measures (and her hoodie into the mix) to distract the police from looking in their direction.

I’M HOME (G) STATS — 892 words, domestic fluff PLOT — After a long and rough day at work, Ivy comes home to Harley. Relaying the details of her day, she basks in the comfort of her girlfriend, who provides gentle questions and is a phenomenal listener. General cuteness.

CONFLICT DIAMONDS (G) STATS — 990 words, wedding shenanigans, banter, humor PLOT — Batman and Renee Montoya respond to a break-in at a jewelry store, except even though the owner is duct-taped to the wall, it isn’t really a break-in; Harley’s just trying to shop for a ring for Ivy, and that’s difficult to do when the owner is screaming in the corner. Batman and Renee both pitch in to help pick something nice for Harley’s girl, resulting in hilarious banter.

OF COURSE (T) STATS — 1.1k words, hurt/comfort (kinda), harley quinn animated tv show centric PLOT — In the aftermath of Ivy’s death, rebirth, and the fall of Joker Tower, Harley collapses onto the ground. Since she never mentioned that her parents are the reason for most of her injuries, Ivy isn’t sure why she’s so out of it.

PERFECT MORNINGS (T) STATS — 1.1k words, domestic fluff/bliss PLOT — Ivy, who usually wakes up early and before Harley, takes a moment to look at the countless muscles, ridges, scars, and tattoos on Harley’s body as she sleeps. General cuteness.

I’D LOVE TO CHECK YOU OUT (T) STATS — 1.7k words, university au, fluff PLOT — Harley visits the library virtually every day, and it’s definitely not because she needs to work on her university courses and homework. She finally works up the courage to speak to the alluring redhead she sees there every day while absentmindedly looking at a book on sharks. 

I’LL LOVE YOU IN THE MORNING (NOON, NIGHT) (T) STATS — 2.1k words, angst, hurt/comfort PLOT — A snapshot look into Ivy and how she comes to know, care, and love all the sides of Harley—from psychiatrist to criminal to girlfriend. She loves her throughout it all. 

DAY-DREAMING (T) STATS — 2.2k words, shenanigans, psychiatrist Harleen PLOT — Ivy’s falling for her psychiatrist—her humorous, intelligent, caring, and downright gorgeous psychiatrist. It’s difficult, to say the least.

WHAT HAPPENS IN THEMYSCIRA (DOESN’T) STAY IN THEMYSCIRA (T) STATS — 2.3k words, humor, wedding shenanigans, angst with a happy ending PLOT — In a surprise twist of events, Harley and Ivy were drunkenly married at Themyscira. When asked at the wedding if anybody had objections to the union of Ivy and Chuck, Wonder Woman and the Queen of Themyscira herself come to object. Ivy, for lack of a better word, wants to die a little.

NOT A ROCKER CHICK (T) STATS — 3.1k words, rock band au, fluff PLOT — The last thing Ivy wants to do is go to a rock band concert with her best friend, Selina. Despite her best efforts, she can’t help but completely fall into the rhythm of the band and their music, so different than her own norm. And okay, maybe the singer (who Selina was friends with and called “Harley”) was also kinda hot...

A TENDER HEART AMONG THE GREEN (T) STATS — 3.2k words, gotham city sirens raise Lucy au, domestic bliss PLOT — Harley and Selina come back home to the apartment to find Ivy passed out asleep with Lucy cuddling into the crook of her neck and Selina’s cats cuddling her legs. Knowing that Ivy would rather be caught dead than in such a compromising situation (after all, she is the Poison Ivy, who “hates humans”) the two take a photo, since it lasts longer. Shenanigans and cuteness ensue.

BUILDING YOUR GIRL’S SECOND STORY (M) STATS — 3.3k words, university/grad school au, angst with a happy ending PLOT — Snapshots of Harley’s battle with her violent and abusive boyfriend, Jack, and the way in which Bruce, his boyfriend Clark, and her best friend (and potentially lover) Pamela all love Harley and will do anything, anything, to make sure she gets the help, care, and love she needs.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF NORMAL (T) STATS — 3.6k words, coronavirus pandemic/quarantine au, family au PLOT — Ivy is requested by the Justice League to help create and manufacture a vaccine for the COVID-19 virus. As she works on the vaccine, she video calls Harley and their daughter Lucy, both of whom miss her very much. 

RABBIT IN THE GARDEN (T) STATS — 4.4k words, implied suicide attempt, hard angst PLOT — Winters are difficult to Ivy. When Harley comes home one day to see her submerged fully in water in the bathtub, the only thing Harley can do is cry and take her out. Ultimately Ivy is alright—but it doesn’t make it any easier.

WE WILL BE (EVERYTHING THAT WE’D EVER NEED) (T) STATS — 5.8k words, high school au, angst, hurt/comfort PLOT — Harley and Ivy are best friends from high school, living in the middle of Arizona. Ivy is absolutely head over heels for Harley, but the latter is in a growing and increasingly abusive relationship with the older “bad-boy” (literally) Jack. Eventually, the two grow together in more ways than one.  

WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS (EXCEPT NO DOGS DIE) (M) STATS — 9.7k words, domestic bliss, no powers just botanist & psychiatrist au PLOT — After her abusive ex-boyfriend tries to maniacally tear down the front door of her apartment with an ax as her best friend, Selina, pushes the table against the splintering wood, Bruce recommends that Harley gets a dog. She gets two German Shepard brothers—Bud and Lou—who lead her one day on their walk to the most beautiful flower shop owner Harley’s ever seen. The story of Harley and Ivy, told with Bud and Lou present to witness every moment.

THE MOMENT I AWAKEN GHOSTS (T) STATS — 11.7k words, falling in love, feelings & realizations PLOT — A deep look into Ivy’s feelings and how they evolve from general hatred against Harleen the psychiatrist at Arkham to a blooming, kind and gentle love towards Harley Quinn, the crown jester of crime. 

HARLEQUIN’S ISLE (T) STATS — 17.5k words, hurt/comfort, happy ending, shenanigans, humor PLOT — Harley and Ivy decide to go on a vacation on Bruce Wayne’s new eco-friendly plane, but in a surprise twist of events, things go terribly wrong, Ivy falls out of the plane, and the two (as well as all the other rich and wealthy big-name CEOS on the plane) get stranded on an island with someone actively trying to rob the investors. Harley and Ivy will fight them, god damn it, because they deserve this vacation and they will have it.

LONGER STORIES (30k words to 100k words)

YOUR LOVE (DÉJÀ VU) (G) STATS — 33k words, slow burn, mild angst, canon divergence PLOT — A what-if-Harley-found-Ivy-first fic, YOUR LOVE wonderfully illustrates Dr. Harleen Quinzel treating Ivy in a wonderfully humane and kind way, including learning floriography, the language of flowers, in order to better relate to her. Ivy is taken aback by her doctor's genuine care and begins to develop feelings, all the while Harleen falls hard and fast which wholly confuses and frightens her. The one caveat is that while this is happening, Harleen is also treating the Joker as well, who tries (keyword: tries) to manipulate her. Ivy and Harley dance a timid tango around one another as they try to navigate this new playing field of romantic feelings for one another, and things come to a breaking point when Harleen realizes that, perhaps, all of her patients have a point and that the real villains are not the ones inside the asylum, but rather the ones running it. FAVORITE DETAILS — I just love the way this is written. It provides a wonderful and almost skinny-love like romance (except this takes place in an insane asylum) as Harleen and Ivy both try to understand their strong feelings for one another. The way in which the rogues and other inmates/patients all look out for one another was very heartwarming, and Waylon and Eddie's thinly veiled camaraderie with Ivy—and her thinly veiled appreciation for it—were both lovely and created a really warm environment. It really underlined why Harley loved them because you love them too in the process, and see how she reaches her breaking point.  CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — Harley, as she is in all of my favorite fics, is depicted as an incredibly intelligent and talented psychiatrist. Her caring nature is wonderfully outlined in this fic as she helps Waylon, Eddie, Ivy, and everybody else in the asylum be treated with genuine respect and care, going as far as to get them personalized gifts. Her psyche fracturing slowly never once makes her seem unintelligent to the reader, even as she actively places a ditz persona in order to fool the rest of the asylum staff (and the Joker). Ivy, on the other hand, is illustrated in a way that perfectly shows how all she genuinely needed was someone to listen. She's sometimes harsh and crass but you can see how she begins to soften as Harley helps her and treats her with: you guessed it, genuine respect. FINAL VERDICT — I would get this tattooed on my ass if I could

NOVEL LENGTH WORKS (100k+ words)

ACROSS THE WAY (M) STATS — 128.7k words, slow-burn, tattoo artist & flower shop owner au  PLOT — Botanist and flower shop owner Pamela Isley moves to Gotham from Seattle in search of a new life. Her shop is located directly next to a tattoo shop—one that is incredibly loud and bothersome. Upon walking in to give the shop a piece of her mind, she meets one of the resident artsits, Harley Quinzel, and cannot get her out of her mind. The two become best friends, and feelings slowly start to develop. On a night when Harley is most vulnerable and in need of a place to escape, Pam offers her apartment as a refuge, and from that point on things are never the same again (in the best way possible).  FAVORITE DETAILS — The SIT sessions were a wonderful touch and I loved seeing the recovery of both Ivy and Harley, because it was so real. I also loved how once Harley got out, she did everything in her power to protect both herself and Ivy from Jack, and we got to see her and Ivy grow into their wonderful, healthy romance. CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — I love how all of the characters are illustrated; Selina, who is the caring best friend and genuinely does her best to help others around her all the while being her cocky, usual self. Pam, who escaped Seattle and started anew in Gotham and is the crass botanist and also the insanely kind and caring lover. Barbara is the adorable coffee shop owner, Floyd is the caring figure for Harley that she never had, and everyone is just wonderful.  FINAL VERDICT — literally go read this rn, what are you even doing

MAD LOVE: THE BEGINNING & MAD LOVE: THE FINAL CHAPTER (M) STATS — nearly 400k words total, angst, canon divergence, domestic fluff, slice of life PLOT — imagine YOUR LOVE except this is much longer, much more heart-wrenching, a whole lot more angsty, and Harleen's break with Harley is a lot more prevalent. Another what-if scenario of Dr. Harleen Quinzel meeting and treating the illusive Poison Ivy instead of the Joker, MAD LOVE shows an interesting depiction of the way they manipulate, hurt, care, and love one another. The entire story is riddled with well placed metaphors, recurring themes, and both Ivy and Harley's characters are illustrated in the most complex and interesting way. All throughout both the initial and the sequel, Ivy and Harleen play a metaphorical chess game in manipulation as a means to gain the upper-hand on the other, which creates a dangerous foundation for their following love story. In the sequel, "The Final Chapter," the story starts with Harley and Ivy—already married near the end of "A New Beginning"—having two kids and the entire piece spans over Harley's lifetime until she's on her deathbed, with Ivy still stuck at 33 years old beside her. I personally stopped reading the story after Harley died (I was too emotionally vulnerable to continue on) but if you continue reading on, you get to see Ivy move on and appreciate Harley's impact on her life as she finds love and happiness again after the loss of her wife. FAVORITE DETAILS — We get insight into both Ivy and Harleen's trauma, and how not everything can be fixed with love. Neither Harleen nor Ivy (or their actions for that matter) are characterized as perfect in any way, and the story never excuses any of their more-than-questionable actions; in fact they make MANY mistakes and manipulate one another throughout the story, and both have power over the other (Harleen is her psychiatrist, but Ivy could easily kill her, so emotional power over someone with immense physical power). CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — Harleen is depicted as an incredibly intelligent and capable psychiatrist, and the story somehow wonderfully mixes Harley's desire for violent chaos with Harleen's desire to help others. v Ivy is illustrated as the epitome of "I hate you and will not be nice unless you're literally either my wife or kids." She is seldom kind to others, is often crass, but an entire softy when it comes to Harleen and their children. She's a hard worker and is heavily involved in her research. Harleen, on the other hand, is equally cunning but more lighthearted, extremely athletic and active, the "fun" mom, and less into power trips (unless it's about Ivy). FINAL VERDICT — definitely the most interesting fics I've ever read in my entire fucking life, it's so complex and wonderful and a literal minefield of analysis worthy literature, I'd also get this tattooed on my ass if I could

[hargrove-mayfields]

Everyone likes to pretend Billy was never even there. Life goes on, people change, the past gets forgotten.

A year isn’t enough time for Max though. Right now it feels like the rest of her life wouldn’t be enough time, but Neil and Susan, they were doing just fine.

It’s almost like they like not having him around, that extra burden they couldn’t shake. The plan only Max knew was that Billy was going to stay at home until she was old enough to go with him so she’d be safe.

She knew he was fed up and looking at some local apartments within walking distance of Cherry Lane anyways, but then July happened, and Billy died.

Now it’s July again, and her hair is in twin braids of red with pure white ribbons on the end, and her and her mother are wearing matching blouses. There’s bruises under the bangle on her mothers wrist and one under Max’s own sleeve, and she just wants her brother back.

It’s a holiday they told her, her father (he’s not her fucking father, they never made her call him that when Billy was around) is a veteran, they have to celebrate. Better just dry her eyes and get over it.

Her mother invites all the family they have in the area over to their house for a little get together picnic, and they do their little happy family routine for a while, but Max can only handle so much of it.

Billy should be here by her side, flicking watermelon seeds at her face and putting ice cubes from the cooler down the back of her shirt, being an asshole to distract her from the reality of her family.

And that was that she didn’t really have one, a family. It was always just her and Billy.

Even at these events made for bonding with family, they were off to the side, messing around while the adults talked like they weren’t even there, and she knew she was a little naive then, but it stung more than ever, knowing that even after she’d lost her brother, nobody even stopped to say hi or check up on her, it was just straight into gossiping about the neighbors and those disrespectful bastards across the street who weren’t flying a flag for the holiday and family members who couldn’t be there.

But Max never heard Billy’s name come up even once, and not even in a respect to the dead boy and his grieving sister type of way, but rather, in the way that they just didn’t want to acknowledge his existence. None of these people had come to his graduation in May of last year, or his funeral two months later.

Billy was a taboo that the Hargrove-Mayfields didn’t dare taint their celebrations of freedom and justice with. The irony made Max sick to her stomach.

Or that was at least, until Neil couldn’t help himself.

His words are slurring already, with an excuse to party he’s on what Max would guess to be his fifth or sixth beer that afternoon, and someone just made the mistake of mentioning their own son, Billy and Max’s third cousin or something, and it spurs Neil off on a tangent about his.

“That boy was always good for nothing anyways. It’s almost the same now that he’s dead, ‘Cept maybe now I get some more quiet around the house.”

Nobody knows what to do when he says that, there’s a couple awkward laughs and one shocked gasp, that one was probably from her mother, but Max knows exactly what she wants to do.

What she wants is to watch Neil choking on his blood instead of her brother, his body being lowered into the ground instead of Billy’s, and in the moment she feels like she could be the one to make that a reality, but instead she just stands abruptly, a plate of the food her mother worked so hard to prepare for them she’d been too queasy to eat falling off her knees to the grass, and she says everything she’d bottled up for the past year.

“Don’t talk about Billy that way!

“Now, Maxine-“ Neil starts, but Max is livid, can’t hold back all the things she wished she had said before Billy died, when she got grounded after the funeral, when Neil started beating her, “No! I’m not going to let you do to me what you did to my brother! You don’t get to control me like you did him, it’s your fault that he’s dead!”

It’s her mother’s turn to try to stop her, slender hand covering her mouth painted red, “Maxine..”

“Stop trying to reason with me! I’m sick of pretending to be a family when I had to watch my own brother die! And I’m sick of being treated like I’m crazy for being the only one that cares about Billy!”

More than one person chimes in on that one, offended by the notion they don’t care about family, though it’s Neil that insists, in that faux calm, close to snapping voice of his, “We do care, Maxine. We’re all grieving in our own ways.”

She fires back, “Grieving what? The loss of your punching bag? You hated Billy! You don’t care that he’s dead, all that matters to you is having someone to hurt, and you no trouble adjusting to beating up on your wife and step-daughter instead!”

She catches a backhand to the face for that, and all the background chatter comes to a halt, Neil gritting out through his teeth, “Inside. Now.”

There are tears in her eyes that sting almost as much as the knuckle marks on her cheek, but Max feels like she won, getting her step dad all riled up in front of their family, she feels almost invincible, and she sneers all smug like and bitter, “I can’t go inside yet. I’m celebrating your service to our country, dad. You know, as a family.”

But when Neil's face turns as red as the blood that dripped from his wife’s nose the night before and he stands from his chair and drags her inside by the wrist himself, she realizes that it wasn’t exactly a win.

And when her brain goes numb trying to focus on both the repeated slaps and punches that explode like firecrackers across her skin and the way Neil is yelling and lecturing her until his voice is raw, giving her the same lessons her brother had burned into the back of his mind, she feels like she’s lost everything instead.

When she has to choke back her tears and apologize for embarrassing Neil and for making him hit her as punishment, she realizes, this isn’t a game that can be won or lost at all.

Max isn’t allowed to go back outside to the party. That rule goes unspoken, but words aren't necessary with the way Neil storms off without another word, slamming the back door behind himself. She’s slowly starting to figure out what the things her step father does instead of says mean.

She misses being allowed to be clueless, having someone to protect her or take what punishment she had earned. She wishes she wouldn’t have asked so much of Billy though.

Her own room isn’t safe anymore, what once had been the place she’d be ushered off to when Neil got bad had become more like a trap, the place Neil went to first when he was angry. Everything that had been hers felt wrong, so she goes to Billy’s room and doesn’t come out for the rest of the night. Even now that he’s gone, he still kept her safe.

There’s a welt on her face and fresh bruises forming everywhere, hot tears wetting her sunburnt cheeks and the pillows that smell like Billy, or at least used to before Susan decided his room needed cleaned and washed away every trace of her brother.

All night long there are fireworks going off, a big show put on by the city downtown has her shaking, unable to close her eyes for fear those distant explosions would take her back to the mall, bring back memories she’d never forget, and covering her ear with her hands.

The cracks and booms that shake her windows and her entire life, a headache and a heart break even stronger.

She tries her hardest not to think about Starcourt though, so instead she thinks about how Billy would’ve been proud of her for standing up to Neil. He would’ve called her an idiot, but he would’ve cleaned up her scrapes and held her through the panic attack after, and he probably would’ve liked to see the person Max was becoming too.

That makes Max’s heart hurt, the fact that he won’t get to. She cries harder, and she feels so alone without Billy.

Some part of her knows that she isn’t though. She isn’t the only one that lost somebody last July.

Hawkins’ cemetery was alive with flowers and wreaths and decoration, and more than anything the grieving. All of the victims had families, or in the case of the Holloway’s where their whole family was killed, they had friends and neighbors in the tight knit community who remembered them. El was still grieving Hopper, and Max knew Billy had people like that too.

Billy was popular, his death had a huge impact on the younger population of the town, but not only that, he had his closest friends, Steve and Tommy and Carol and Nicole and Adam from the pool, and of course Heather couldn’t be there, but those people were all keeping her brother alive.

As much as it felt like everyone was trying to forget him, they weren’t, and that brought Max a little bit of hope.

Hope that Billy would be remembered for the things he did right, and who he was behind the boy he had to be to keep them safe.

Hope that with his memory kept in the hearts of so many, the burden of grief wouldn’t fall solely on Max forever and make things a little easier.

Hope that the wound would someday heal, and she could look back on the time she did have with Billy, those seven too short years, with a smile on her face.

For now, she wraps herself in Billy’s jacket and comforter, listening to his music to drown out the distant fireworks, and dreams of the day when things won’t be like this, when she can leave Hawkins and all it’s bad memories and the “family” holding her back to live a life her brother would be proud of, a life that would honor his.

Max decides then with determination, flinching when a bright flash lights up her window, a loud echo through the quaint neighborhood, that she was going to do what Billy hadn’t been able to and break the cycle.

Tomorrow, she’d tell the school counselor she’d been assigned when her depression was at its worst all about Neil Hargrove.

[itrytowrite-things]

Murder podcasts

Spencer Reid x reader 

Summary: Y/N has a tendency to listen to murder podcasts while doing chores, one day Spencer comes in unannounced scaring Y/N into action. (This summary sucks but it’s fluffy) 

A/N: shout out to @with-paint, she helped me form some of this fic so check them out. 

The eerie background music and narrator filled the kitchen as I scrubbed diligently at a plate. I blinked down at it, trying in vain to remember what the hell I used it for that would cause such a stubborn stain of food. Sighing, I squeezed the soap bottle some more and ran hot water over it. Maybe soaking it would help? 

Grabbing a few of the cups I had washed, I spun around from the sink to a towel I had laid out earlier. I scrunched my nose as cold soap suds ran down my arm, hit my elbow and fell to the floor in a sticky mess I didn’t want to deal with right now. 

I was so engrossed in the podcast playing over the Alexa that I barely even processed the grueling chore that was longer than normal. I was lost in the words, that an hour longer scrubbing at dishes seemed almost fun. The dishwasher had completely died a couple of weeks ago. 

Normally Spencer would speed read the manual to figure out what was wrong with the stupid machine. But unfortunately, his case in Michigan was taking longer than he anticipated. So, he hadn’t been home to look into it, leaving me to hand wash the dishes. I didn’t mind, it was a mindless task and allowed me to catch up on my favorite podcast. 

“They found her body a week later, twenty minutes from their house,” I shook my head at that, case freaking solved. Her husband obviously killed her. I mean there’s no way the police didn’t solve this case, come on.

I moved from the towel back to the sink, sticking my hands back into the soapy water. I always believed that I should be a detective. I could solve these cases easily, Spencer claims that suspicion can only take me so far and the reason that they don’t catch the guy is not because they don’t suspect it, but because they don’t have hard evidence. I normally just scoff and give him a kiss knowing that I would get the bad guy in the end, “hard evidence” my ass. 

“Two months later the police came in and found Jeff’s disembodied head laying on their kitchen counter.” My jaw dropped and I turned around furiously, bringing a wet butter knife with me, on instinct I pointed the knife at the device. 

“Oh shit.” I said to the speaker, as if it were relaying the case itself. Well turns out I was wrong. I cleared my throat and lowered the stupid knife. I placed it down and tried my best to look less scandalized. We all make mistakes. So I might have been a little off in my husband theory, but I mean I had only heard half the case at that point so it doesn’t speak anything of my amazing detective skills. I nodded at that and tossed the knife into a little stack of silverware. The metallic sound echoing around the kitchen. I smirked at my good throw and turned back to the sink. 

I quickly got into the true grove of washing the dishes, listening to the more gruesome details of the case. Turns out the killer did quite a number on old Jeff. I was halfway done with the remaining dishes when I felt a tap on my shoulder sending my heart into a frenzy. 

I whirled around quickly bringing the closest item with me as a weapon. The plastic spatula slapped the asalint straight in the face creating an awfully loud twack sound that bounced off the kitchen walls. I blinked in horror at realizing who exactly was standing in front of me. 

Spencer's cheek turned red immediately. 

“Oh my god! Spence! I am so sorry!” I dropped the spatula and brought my other hand to his face trying to soothe his skin. My hand was covered in water and soap suds, and it dripped down his face onto the already wet floor.

“I am so so sorry. You scared me.” I rubbed my thumb over the spot, feeling his heated skin. Jesus, I felt awful. I didn’t hold anything back when I hit him. I figured I was fending for my life, not greeting my boyfriend. 

“It’s okay.” His much larger hand cupped mine removing it from his face. The redness had died down a little, making his skin a rosy pink instead of the previous bright red. He looked adorable which only made me feel worse. Who looks that cute after getting slapped in the face with a spatula? 

Spencer startled me yet again when a chuckle came bubbling out of him. His laugh was like someone bottled the sound of happiness. It made my own laughter arise every time without a doubt even if I didn’t understand what was funny.

“I guess I don’t have to worry about you protecting yourself.” A loud squeak sound emitted from my body unexpectedly followed by more laughter. I slapped him very lightly across the chest, kissing his unharmed cheek. 

“You're lucky I wasn’t cutting vegetables.” I said,  rustling my way into his arms pulling his body against my tightly, loving the way his laughter shook my entire body. I felt the short press of his lips against the crown of my head before tucking my head into the nook of his neck. I inhaled deeply, taking the scent of him with me. The apartment had started to lose its scent with him being gone for so long. I was beyond eager for the apartment to smell like us again.

“I think those podcasts are giving you wild ideas.” 

“They would never find your body Dr.Reid.” I teased, poking gently at his side making him squirm in my grip. Another round of laughter filled the small space, it was only when it died down that I realized my podcast was still running in the background. 

“Alexa, stop,” I shouted into the air stopping the podcast. “The neighbor did it.” I said with coincidence knowing that my answer was correct this time. Spencer let out a belt of laughter, nodding his head, a big grin on his face. 

I pulled back from Spencer taking in his features for the first time. He looked tired, his eye bags had doubled creating a skunk in effect. I could see the trouble in his eyes, the case was hard. It killed me to see him after a hard case, he looked more and more defeated after each one. However, it was what he loved doing and my job wasn’t to erase the trauma of his job, but to ease him back into daily life. I thumbed his eye bags lazily, a pout taking over my face. 

“You wanna take a shower and I’ll start us some dinner.” I asked gently. Not wanting to completely destroy the quiet we created. He nodded slightly looking younger than ever. I quickly pulled him back into me taking all of his weight. “I love you bub.” His hair felt silky against my fingertips as I disentangled the curls. 

“Love you too.” He mumbled, his heated breath warming my skin. I waited a few comfortable minutes rocking our conjoined bodies in the cozy silence of our kitchen, I took a deep breath and said what was on my mind. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

I don’t ever ask Spencer for the details of his cases. He either goes into a tangent without prompting or doesn’t feel like talking about it. I used to think that talking to Spencer about his job would be like listening to my murder podcasts. It honestly was one of the things I was excited for, but I soon found out it’s nothing like that.

When Spencer spoke of cases it was personal. He felt every death that was caused and saw every killing through the eyes of monsters. He held so much emotion in his voice when he spoke of the victims, that I often can’t help but cry. How a person can hold that much pain and still continue to do it everyday, is beside me. 

He shook his head, squeezing my torso before finally pulling back and placing a soft kiss to my lips. 

I continued the dishes, washing the last few. I left the podcast off, listening instead to the shower from down the hall. I scrubbed off the last of the grime before starting the oven. A simple dinner was always best in these situations. I pulled out a pre-made chicken pot pie from the freezer and placed it in the oven. 

As I moved to dry and put away the dishes while waiting for pie to finish. Spencer emerged from the bathroom freshly bathed. He wore a thin gray shirt paired with some soft looking sweatpants. My upper lip jutted out automatically. God I love him. 

“Feel better?” I kept my voice low, not wanting to startle any peace that the shower might have brought him. He nodded slowly. 

“What did you cook?”

“A chicken pot pie, I hope that’s okay.” 

“It’s perfect.” He smiled and returned to my arms, kissing my neck once before tucking his head into my neck. The edge of his wet hair scraped against my skin in an uncomfortable way, yet I only moved enough to rub circles into his back. 

A loud beep emitted from the oven caused me to jump in Spencer's arms. He let out a small chuckle. 

“Pick us something to watch and I’ll plate us some food.” I hummed turning my back to him. I heard him walking towards the living room as I bent to retrieve the hot food. 

Spencer sat criss cross on the couch, Les Enfants du Paradis was displayed on the TV. I handed him the steaming bowl and sat down, sitting close enough for our knees to knock together. I have no idea what Les Enfants du Paradis was, but I would watch literally anything he wanted as long as he was here. 

“It’s in French, but I figured I could whisper the translations to you while we watch. Or I could pick something else?” 

“No! This is perfect Spence. I love it when you translate, you tell the story better.” He let out a little blush highlighting his previous slap mark. I bit my lip and winced slightly, “How’s your face?” 

He touched the spot faintly, he didn’t wince when his fingers made contact which was a good sign. However, I have an inkling that a small bruise would form in the center of the slap which was going to be a fun story to tell his colleagues Monday. 

“I’ve had worse, but you wield a lot of power with a cheap piece of plastic.”

“I am professionally trained in the art of spatula wielding Spence, don’t try that at home.” I stared at him, my face blank before a blast of laughter came out of both of us. One can only be so serious when you are talking about slapping people in the face with kitchen utensils. 

Spencer started up the movie, and we remained there for the rest of the evening. Laughter and dramatic sighs followed by even more dramatic translations from Spencer. At some point he went so off script that even I could tell his story was bullshit. I didn’t call him out though just allowed him to spit nonsense, I would let him create fake French stories until he was blue in the face if that meant we got to stay in this happy bubble forever. 

[sunnysviolin]

Hiya! Question! A while back you did that “What if anyone other than Basil was there the night of the recital” bit, and you mentioned that if Hero were there, he’d have kept Mari back long enough for Sunny to lock himself in his room, but Sunny and Mari’s relationship was never the same after. How would it be different? Would she calm down enough to realize how much her pushiness hurt Sunny, especially once she really notices the sudden, huge gap between them?

Okay so I just got an ask about Delinquent Sunny, and uhhhh hehehehe that goes along with this so I'm finally gonna continue this idea. You guys all *loved* the if Hero was there idea, I got at least like five asks about it, so I'm gonna use all of them to expand out this series a bit. For tag purposes I'm going to call it Hero Was There. For now TW for some bad parenting (Narcissistic Parents) and scapegoating

Hero watches Mari flying off the handle at Sunny, and he's really disturbed by it. He knows Mari has been under a lot of pressure from her parents to exceed their expectations, but taking it out on Sunny doesn't make any sense to him. Sunny has always been Mari's number one priority, to see her shift seemingly out of no where is more than shocking. He leaves the siblings to scream at each other through the door and walks back down the stairs, carefully stepping over Sunny's destroyed violin. He goes into the kitchen and calls Mari's mother, asking her to come home as soon as she can. Once their parents get there they quickly put together what's going on, and Mari's father asks him to leave. Hero doesn't really want to leave either sibling, but Mari's father doesn't really like him on the best of days, so he thinks it might be better to give their family a bit of space.

The next day a frost has settled around Mari and her family. Hero goes over to see if there's anything she needs, and she is short, even with him. She only says that what she needs is to not be around Sunny. Her parents aren't around, but Mari fills him in. They had taken her side- "As they should" she added with a grimace- and forced Sunny to come out from their shared room.

The arguing had gone on till early into the next morning, and it hadn't been pretty. Their parents had grounded him indefinitely and were going to make sure that Sunny earned enough money to pay back every cent she had paid to get him such a generous gift that he had destroyed. Somehow Mari seemed to forget it wasn't just her that had gotten him the violin, but Hero wasn't sure that mattered just now. There was more, and it was worrying. In Mari's eyes Sunny was being a selfish brat- he was giving them all the silent treatment and hadn't gotten out of bed all day. He hadn't even apologized yet for ruining her most important night, a night he knew would be vital for her to get into the college her parents wanted her to go to.

The longer he listened, the more Hero's stomach twisted into knots. They all sounded like her parent's words, not Mari's. He had never heard Mari say a bad word about Sunny before, not once. Even he and Kel had their occasional spats, but Mari had always seemed devoted to Sunny, doing whatever she could to make him happy. Now that seemed out the window. She told him this entire story while sitting at her piano, playing it as if she didn't have a care in the world. Hero tried to ask her if that's really how she felt, trying to find where Mari started and where her parents ended, and all he got for his troubles was a cold glare from his closest friend and a put upon sigh.

Mari asked him if he thought what Sunny did was right, and before Hero could even answer she went on a long tangent, essentially repeating the same things she had said before, the same words that sounded so unlike his girl. She looked at him at the end of her tirade, as if she expected him to flip and start reassuring her she was 100% right. Hero bit his tongue and quietly asked her if he could go upstairs to check on Sunny. Mari turned back to her piano and began to practice with concentrated effort, telling Hero he was welcome to do whatever he wanted. The dismissal sent a stabbing pain through Hero's chest, but he ignored it, walking out of Mari's music room and up the stairs.

True to her words, Sunny was lying on his bed, covered under his blankets. To anyone who didn't know him, they would think Sunny was asleep, but Hero knew better. Sunny slept relaxed and limp, and he almost always kicked off his covers. Now there was a Sunny sized lump hidden away, tense and tight. Hero walked over and stood awkwardly nearby. He tried saying Sunny's name, even offering some words of comfort, but Sunny never shifted. He seemed to be holding his breath even, a barely there rise and fall only moving the blankets ever so slightly. After fifteen minutes of trying, Hero gave up, reminding Sunny that he was right next door if the younger boy needed to talk.

Hero shut the door to the sibling's room and went own the stairs. He could hear music coming from the piano, pointed and sharp like barbs. When he stood in the doorway Mari told him that she thought it would be better if he left. She had a lot of practicing to do, and her parents were trying to arrange another concert for her to go to. She had to be ready to do a solo at any time.

Without anything he could think to say, Hero left. In spite of the music wafting through the air, he had never heard the house more silent.

[captainsspnanon]

C3E19 - reaction

I don’t know about you guys, but that marriage proposal sounds spot on, to me!

Travis has a ring pop!  *noticed two minutes later*  Laura has a ring pop too!

This campaign, way more than C1 or C2, is jumping into heavy detailed plot feet first!  This Ruidus lore dump, while fascinating, is waaaay more information than I expected us to get early on.  I know some people complained that they thought C3 started off slow, but I’ve had the exact opposite feeling.  This campaign almost seems RUSHING to me, zooming ahead to get to the good parts.  I’m not disappointed by any means, I expect that the campaign will still be 100+ episodes long, so just like in the previous ones, I expect that things will get bigger and bigger as it goes on.  But it feels so big already!  This Ruidus stuff feels HUGE.  I’d almost equate it to the Beacon after provided in Xhorhas and the explanations that they received of it then.  It does make me wonder if this is going to be a big plot moment a la the Briarwoods/Uk’otoa where it’s all mostly lumped at the front, or if it’s going to be more spread throughout the course of the entire campaign.  Considering it ties in heavily to at least two players (Imogen and Orym), I’m expecting it to last more throughout, but you never know.

(also Liam also has a ring pop, but he placed it in his dice tray.  I hope you hadn’t licked it yet, that’ll make your tray all sticky!)

I wonder if it’s Fearne looking up Keyleth, or if it’s Ashley. Because Fearne only knows of Keyleth through Orym, right?  So why would she consider Keyleth to be Ruidus born, unless she’s just thinking of the position of power?  OR UNLESS FEARNE KNOWS MORE ABOUT KEYLETH THEN WE EXPECT *cue conspiracy theory music*  Out of C1, I would have called Vax to be Ruidusborn the most probably, which would have been Vex as well unless the flare died down in the few minutes between delivery.  C2?  As much as I want to say Caleb, maybe Lucian. Lucien?  Fuck these names I can never remember

Oooooooh, never mind!  Fearne DID have a good reason for looking up Keyleth, and it’s a pretty good one too!  

I….did not expect a frog!Fearne tangent to occur, but I’m loving every second of this.

I wish Imogen insight checked Orym.  Is he actually good?  Or is he hiding emotions?  I DON’T KNOW and honestly Liam could be going either way.  It would be typical for him to be hiding deeper emotions, but he did intend for Orym to be ‘just a dude’, so maybe he’s not really too upset about having a bit of a setback?

Saaaaam!  Don’t cut short the shopping scenes!!  If nothing’s interesting in a store, you guys can just cut the RP short.   Plus I feel bad that they ended up splitting up when several of them had said let’s go together.  This is a very very rare moment where it doesn’t feel like CR to me, it feels very audience aware of “let’s rush and let’s not bore the viewers”.  Best case scenario, I’m just reading it wrong and Sam/Travis didn’t have patience today.   Luckily, I almost NEVER get this vibe, so I probably am just reading too much into it.

Omg what is this general store go, this is chaos I love every second of it

Ooooooof, the other group getting all the goods first!  Awesome deception check by FCG, I am giggling like mad that Matt allowed an Orym smile to be considered an assist.

(I do wonder if this will be a Rival Group, like how you have rivals in The Call of the Netherdeep.  I’m not too sure how I feel about it, I’m sure the table would handle it just fine if so, but I don’t really want to put in the energy to care about a second group XD Like with the Tombtakers, I had the energy to care about Lucien and Cree, and laugh with Veth’s hatred of Otis, but I can’t remember the other two?  Three? of their group.  So if Hutchin group IS a rival group, that’s the dragonborn, the firbolg, the human, the tabaxi (KATARI), and the goblin?  Just five?  I can’t even remember fully.  [also also omg these Exandrian names versus dnd names.  We’ve used tabaxi before no issue!   Plus I thought Katari was being used instead of Leolin or whatever the lion people are called???  ….I do NOT have a lot of these races down, let’s be real.  XD])

Travis’s face when Oltgar is mentioned!!!  *searches transcripts* Oh fuck that’s Chet’s old boss!

Partway through the telescope scene now (poor Imogen!), and I’m recalling my biggest frustration with watching live, is that I can’t really stop when I lose focus and pick it back up another day.  I mean, technically I can, but then I see spoilers all over, so I feel like I HAVE to watch it right away.  Maybe that’ll change and I’ll become more comfortable with the live spoilers, but I’d hate to pause one day and then see online that one of the PCs has died in combat and revivify failed or something like that.  Ah well, pros and cons of keeping up with a campaign fresh.

Laura Bailey is so fucking good.  I’m so glad she stepped into the storm this time!  It makes sense, with her running without hesitation the first time, hesitating the second time, and then entering fully the third time.  I look forwards to seeing how this continues to progress.  Will she even hear the voice telling her to run next time? (also the gem had no impact on the vision, even though she was holding it)

I almost don’t even want to speculate, because it’s more fun to just see where this takes me.  I’ll leave my analysis for the eventual rewatch :)

First of all THE MARKS ARE GROWING WHAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT second of all, I really like that Matt turned and asked Laura if they’ve been growing since at least Laudna knew her, or if this was the first time.  It’s the level of control that he gives the players over their own backstory, and even now when it is being plot affected, he’s still allowing the players to give their input on pre-campaign situations.

Ah, I see, Sam was just SUPER FUCKING eager to get to the heist, hence why he was rushing things a bit.  Sorry Sam!  I kinda figured the heist wouldn’t be this episode anyway XD

This group is just gremlins.  Like, Mighty Nein were assholes, VM was …. heroic??, and Bells Hells is just GREMLINS.

@suicidallyreckless

[amjcpvr]

Star Crossed Lover(s)

“Come on Taeyong! She’d be a perfect date!” Jaehyun tries to convince his friend.

Prom was coming up and the whole swim team had dates, Jaehyun included. The only person without a date was his buddy, Taeyong, and he was not going to let his buddy down.

“I don’t even know her! How am I just going to ask her to prom out of nowhere?” He says incredulously and rolls his eyes at Jaehyun.

This guy seriously doesn't know what he is talking about. Jaehyun wants him to ask the girl they sat next to in math class to prom. Even though, the only time they exchange words one on one is when She arrives and says good morning to him.

Taeyong honestly can’t even remember her name half the time and the only reason Jaehyun is going on about her is because they are good "friends."

Friends.

Taeyong scoffs at the word.

“You guys get along pretty well, why not?” Jaehyun persuades and Taeyong simply scowls, tired of this conversation.

“We only talk when you’re involved in the conversation. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s friends with you, not me!” Taeyong is finally fed up with Jaehyun's words and snaps at him.

“If you want her to go so bad, why don’t you ask her?” Taeyong continues as he tries to calm himself.

Jaehyun freezes and looks at him like he has just uttered the impossible. He seems really conflicted before giving Taeyong a nervous chuckle.

“I have a girlfriend! How am I going to ask her to prom?” Jaehyun says trying to make it seem as if he doesn’t care. He looks at Taeyong as if the shorter one is stupid and Taeyong simply groans.

“I meant, ask her to go with the team, not that you had to ask her as your date! Dumbass…” he mutters under his breath and Jaehyun just makes an 'O' shape with his mouth.

“That… makes sense,” Jaehyun smiles sheepishly and then nods.

“I’m still getting you a date though!” Jaehyun says as he tries to shift the attention from his abashed form to Taeyong’s single self. Taeyong shakes his head and brushes Jaehyun off with the wave of a hand.

“Whatever,” he says and then walks out of the changing rooms.

Jaehyun is left sitting by his locker all alone, as all the other swimmers had left already.

He is even more confused than before. He really cares about her as a friend and nothing more, so then why is he so adamant about going to prom with her?

She has had him this way for over six months now and even though his girlfriend of one year is the best thing he could’ve ever asked for and more, he finds his mind drifting off one too many times.

She’s just so different. She’s not "beauty pageant" beautiful, more of an average attractiveness. Her height is more on the short side. She’s not chubby and he knows she has an amazing physique underneath, but because of her muscular legs from kickboxing…

Kickboxing! She does kick boxing! How unique is she?! She loves music and he always sees her dancing in her seat as she tries to solve the standard deviation to some stupid proportions problem.

She isn’t shy, but throughout class she keeps quiet until someone comments on something she disagrees on. She will go on a tangent that takes up half the class, just to prove a point.

She never gets her nails done, but she likes painting them every once in a while. After the first few days the paint chips off and she is left with four nails half painted, three nails completely bare, and three perfectly remaining nails.

One day, she came into class wearing a long, jean skirt that reached right above her ankles. Her top was a cute maroon tank top and she was wearing worn out black sandals. She was breathtaking in something so simple.

She does her hair every once in a while, but usually she comes in with her hair down flowing past her shoulders and to the middle of her back.

Her face is mostly always bare in school, save for the mascara and lip gloss she applies every so often. However, that one time he saw her at a house party he was blown away. He thought she couldn't get any prettier but with her glowing skin and makeup that highlighted her eyes and lips, he found himself drooling over her. Literally, Taeyong had to manually shut his mouth and tell him to stop drinking so much.

When she can’t figure out the solution to a problem in their AP Statistics class, she will sit there chewing on her bottom lip until she finally gives in and asks him for help. He has to pretend that he wasn't observing her dilemma the whole ten minutes, but he saw it all. The confusion in her eyes, her side glances to his own paper, to which she would just sigh after seeing the problem already complete and forgotten, her hand pulling strands of hair behind her ear and then taking them down only to repeat the same action over and over again.

In their novels class, he sees her pull her book out and slip her glasses on to see the book clearer. She often covers her face with the book because she prefers reading while sitting up instead of having her head down on the desk.

At the pep session he sees her cheering for all teams from the bleachers with incomparable hype to the rest of the student body combined. She claps for everyone equally as hard. Although, he can’t help but wish she’d clap for the swim team (him) just a little bit harder.

He remembers meeting her eyes when he was giving a speech as the swim team captain. He was just about to yell the school motto when he saw her sitting right in front of him. She wore the same mustard cardigan he loved and her face was bright and enthusiastic. She was putting her hands up to her mouth ready to yell for the team, but took one away, once they met eyes, to wave "hello".

“Go Raptors!” He had yelled into the mic for the whole school and even with all the cheers and words of encouragement around him, he could’ve sworn he distinguished her yell among the hundreds of other students.

She was quiet, nice, and kind. She had a big heart. Whenever he was feeling even a bit down, she sensed it and asked him if he was feeling okay. Then she’d offer to buy him something from the vending machine. She knew he was a food lover and it made him smile knowing that she knew him.

She was sassy. So sassy. If you’ve ever seen the Disney princess movies where the princess is the boss in the relationship (Rapunzel when she blackmailed Flynn into taking her to see the lights, for example) that was her. A princess with a mouth, a heart, and herself.

She loved babies. Every time the small, student-operated preschool came into their class to sing a song or perform a small play, she clasped her hands together and looked at every kid with adoration. He was jealous.

She was brutally honest and it was probably the best part about her. She always said it the way it was. No sugar coating. She was real and that’s something lots of people lacked these days.

She was a person that made everyone around her want to be in her life. She was intriguing, beautiful, smart, kindhearted, and bright. She was everything.

And maybe that’s why he kept his girlfriend instead of trying to court the true owner of his heart.

Because she was too good for him.

And this is why Jaehyun hates being alone. Whenever he is unoccupied, his mind wanders off to scary parts in his head. Parts he knows it’s difficult to escape from after entering.

The five minutes he had spent thinking about asking her to prom with his friend group has converted into twenty minutes of thinking about her every little habit and characteristic that he claims makes her perfect.

Jaehyun grabs his phone and asks his girlfriend if she wants to go out for ice cream. She replies immediately and his chest fills with guilt. He shouldn’t be using her to get his mind off of his dream girl.

When he met his girlfriend he knew she was the one. He just met her eyes at that stupid, annoying house party that his friends had dragged him to. As soon as their eyes met, he felt the electricity run through his body and he just knew.

She’s beautiful, funny and outgoing. Anyone would be more than happy to have her. Jaehyun is a stupid man.

Jaehyun walks into class the next morning with a grin. Taeyong trailing closely behind him. The girl knows why Jaehyun is grinning. He has just parted from his beautiful girlfriend of one year in the hallway with a kiss, just like they always do.

She sits in her seat with her pencil and paper ready to take notes. Her eyes are focused on her desk and her eyebrows are furrowed.

She hates coming to class. The guy she likes has an amazing girlfriend and she does not even remotely come close to her.

The first day she met him, he was just some annoying guy who had nothing special to him. He called out answers in class without raising his hand, which would then result to a stink eye his way from certain teachers. She found that amusing. He added snarky comments to the people in class who did not pay any attention, which she also found amusing. He was a talker and he talked to anyone about anything.

He was so honest and he almost seemed like a robot without feelings. She knew she herself was honest, but this guy was brutal. He would say things without thinking sometimes.

He was a jock and he loved talking about his sport, because of how underrepresented it was. Especially in this school full of Basketball and Football fans.

She had heard about him in past years, but they never talked before senior year. He was just some guy that she was going to forget about as soon as high school ended, but that is not how it worked out at all.

Instead, she is forced to sit next to him in three different classes, making up more than half of her school day. She is forced to listen to all his dumb stories and his old dad jokes, but she doesn't mind that at all, she loves getting to know him more. He tells her about his grandfather, his divorced parents, and his annoying, sexist brother.

Her favorite stories though are the ones that involve his girlfriend. His eyes light up with happiness and joy whenever he has the opportunity to talk about her. He goes on and on until the teacher tells him to do his work.

She hasn’t seen his eyes light up like that recently, but that’s because she tunes out everytime he mentions her name. How can she pretend to be interested in something that she is clearly not interested in?

Nowadays she has kept to herself whenever he asks her things. She tells him she is doing fine and that the weather outside is horrible, she’ll even ask him how his day is going, but nothing more than that.

She is in a dangerous position where if she falls any more for this guy, she will be falling until she hits hell. There she will burn with envy and sadness, and she is not ready to do that.

“Hey, you’re going to prom, right?” He asks after their usual conversation, which includes Taeyong chiming in and observing them, has ended.

Her heart picks up pace and she is nervous. She can feel her toes on the edge of the cliff, only an inch away from falling down to her ending.

“Yeah, with friends,” She answers back. Her demeanor on the outside is calm and collected, no sight of complications with the heart are being shown.

He feels his nerves get the best of him and he cannot control the red that is creeping up from his neck to his ears. His cheeks are not safe either, as they burn with embarrassment.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to go with the swim team, were all showing up together, you get along with them pretty well,” He smiles as if he is completely fine, but he’s not.

She lets out a sigh of relief even though her heart aches at the let-down. Of course she knew he wasn’t going to ask her to prom. She is so stupid to even think so.

“I’m going with Steph and Bryanna, thanks for the invite though. We’ll probably see each other there anyways,” She casually rejects and Jaehyun is sad and it’s noticeable. He can feel his lips turn downwards and he cannot get them to turn up.

“I see, well, I guess we will see each other there,” Jaehyun fakes a smile and sits in his seat next to her.

After witnessing the whole interaction, Taeyong sighs at his buddy. As much as Jaehyun denies it to himself, Taeyong can look through him. Taeyong just doesn’t know why Jaehyun is doing this to himself.

He looks over at the girl sitting beside him and sees her let out a small shaky breath after looking away from Jaehyun.

Taeyong can see through her so easily. Both of them are struggling and he wishes he could punch both of them to get their head screwed on right, but he can’t. He knows Jaehyun isn’t stupid, he’s keeping his distance for a reason. Probably because of his girlfriend, smart idea in his opinion.

Truthfully, he likes both girls a lot. They both get along with the team and most importantly Jaehyun.

He does admit that Jaehyun seems like the type of guy to end up with Mia, his current girlfriend. They match well and they’re also used to each other. They’ve lasted almost a year and a half and they’ve even talked about life during college together.

Camila on the other hand, seems just like Jaehyun's best friend. They joke around and argue like siblings, but the reason he knows there’s something more is the way they look at each other. Both of their eyes turn bright and they seem to lean in just a small amount.

He contemplates asking Camila out to prom just to help his friend but shakes his head.

Maybe Camila not attending prom with the rest is for the best. That way she wouldn’t be forced to see Jaehyun with Mia.

But would Jaehyun stick to Mia with Camila in his reach? Taeyong didn’t want to risk it. It’d hurt all of them.

“Camila!” Jaehyun, Taeyong, and Camila all turn their heads in the direction of the voice. Math class had ended and now they were speaking right at the entrance to the English wing. They were arguing about what the best non-chocolate candy was and as Jaehyun was going on a rampage about skittles, someone called the girl's name.

“Oh, hey Johnny!” Camila turns to her newly found friend, her seatmate in English class.

“Did you study?” He asks with a small teasing smile on his face. He knows she always forgets about their tests.

She freezes and narrows her eyes at him.

“Are you tricking me again?” She asks suspiciously as she slowly relaxes. She tries to comb through her memories to try and remember if the teacher had said anything about a test today.

Johnny looks at her and laughs.

“That look never gets old,” he finally admits to his lie and Camila rolls her eyes at him.

“You ass,” she mutters but the smile on her face is far too happy to mean her words.

“Big one though,” he jokes as he turns his head to glance at his bottom as he sticks it out. Camila can’t help but burst out laughing at his absurd words and action.

“Cuckoo head,” she insults him but Johnny looks more delighted than offended.

As Taeyong observes the interactions, he doesn’t know what to think. The rampage he had gone on about when he talked about how Camila acted so differently with Jaehyun, completely flies out the window.

She treats Johnny the same way she treats Jaehyun.

He turns his head to look at Jaehyun and Jaehyun is looking around pretending like he is observing everyone else except for the two people standing in front of him as they laugh and joke around.

It seems like Jaehyun had come to the same conclusion as Taeyong had, except probably a long time ago.

Johnny and Camila look very comfortable around each other and Taeyong notices that she is a lot more physical with this guy than his friend Jaehyun.

But the way he confirms her feelings for Jaehyun, is the friendly look in her eyes. She’s comfortable around Johnny, yes, but she’s friendlier. She smacks his arm and stands closer to him, but she keeps a distance mentally.

He bets this Johnny guy doesn't even know half the things Jaehyun knows about her.

He bets his whole career on that.

Jaehyun observes a boy filling up his water bottle at the fountain. A line begins to form behind him and he quickly closes his bottle before walking away. He turns away and looks at two girls gossiping in the corner as they point to something on one of their phones. He sees a girl with ear phones casually walk into a classroom with no interest of anything going on around her. He sees a boy wearing shorts even though there is currently three inches of snow outside.

He observes everything except for the girl he had been passionately talking to, about skittles, not even a minute prior.

He pictures her face in his head but is too scared to look at the real deal.

A picture of a wrestler overpowers the picture of the girl and he now sees that stupid guy in his head.

He has no right, whatsoever, to tell him to go away or to tell her not to talk to him. In fact, he is happy that she is seeing someone. He is happy that she is making herself happy.

But he wishes she made herself happy in another way, or anywhere not near him.

Johnny is a well known wrestler around the school. Although wrestling was also an overlooked sport, Johnny has made it to state as a freshman, sophomore, junior, and, now, senior; he’s praised by all teachers who are into sports, so the word gets around.

Jaehyun is pissed at himself for thinking about any of this in general. He has a girlfriend and he loves her, he really does. She is the best thing that has ever happened to him and he’s thankful to her. He owes her the world because she has given him hers.

He smiles to himself after the small pep talk before finally turning to look at the two people before him.

Camila feels her lips shift into a smile as soon as she hears Johnny's voice. It is a calm reminder that there is a world outside of Jaehyun.

Johnny has made her heart flutter since the first day he struck up a conversation about the book they were reading in class.

He’s handsome, smart, and kind. Everyone she has talked to about him tells her he is the best catch in the school.

She can’t say she disagrees with that.

Johnny is hilarious and she loves that about him. She could come into class half asleep but he’d easily wake her up and get her blood running. He’s kind of like her vitamin everyday.

She is so focused on the tall man in front of her that she forgets about the man who had been consuming her thoughts not even five minutes prior.

“Hey, so, do you think you can make it to the state finals next weekend? It lands on a Saturday,” Johnny smiles unsure and nervous and she feels her heart swell with softness at his look.

“Of course I’ll be there. How could I miss you getting beat up?” She responds easily and Johnny’s face lights up, so happy he forgets to return the friendly fire. He puts his hand up for a high five after saying thanks.

She reaches for his hand but he quickly increases the height until she cannot even touch his wrist. This guy is tall.

She frowns and punches his arm playfully.

“I’m not going to your competition,” she pouts and crosses her arms like a baby. Johnny can’t help but bust out a laugh at her actions.

He knows she’s just doing it to be funny but he can’t help but think about how cute she looks.

He thinks he wants to see this everyday for the rest of his life.

He finally decides to lower his hand and Camila happily gives his hand a smack with her own.

Johnny and Camila leave for class after saying goodbye to the two other boys.

“You think he’ll ask her to prom?” Jaehyun asks and looks at Taeyong insecurely. Taeyong knows Jaehyun. He is not insecure at all and he most certainly does not get his balls in a bunch because of something so trivial.

But maybe this isn’t trivial.

Taeyong shrugs his shoulders with furrowed brows.

“Wasn’t he talking to that one girl?” Taeyong tries to make his buddy feel better. He actually knows nothing about this Johnny guy but he does recall seeing him with some girl when they had Spanish class together… last year.

“Really?” Jaehyun's eyes light up with relief. All he needs is reassurance that the girl he can't call 'his,' can't be called 'mine' by anyone else, either.

Taeyong shrugs, not confirming nor denying his previous statement.

Johnny smiles and leaves a while after for his next class.

Taeyong doesn’t know if he is doing the right thing, but he knows his buddy Jaehyun is smiling again and that is all that matters for now.

But that smile only lasts until he watches Camila’s Snapchat story from the day before.

He sees Johnny wrestling another guy around his same size and he reads the caption with green envy.

“So proud Go Raptors!❤️"

He lays out in his backyard looking up at the sky.

He turns his phone on and off. After watching that story of Johnny wrestling over and over, he cannot get her out of his head. She’s supporting that guy at his finals, and even though Jaehyun has no right, he feels betrayed.

Camila always rejects his invitation to swim meets. In Camila's defense, Jaehyun has a supportive girlfriend that never misses her boyfriend's swim meets. Camila is not the type to go to a taken man's meet.

She has never shown up for even one. He feels disappointed and sad. As he looks up at the stars, he imagines what it would’ve been like if she had shown up. Maybe he would’ve taken her out to ice cream. Maybe he would’ve embraced her after beating his rival from that rich kid school. Maybe he would’ve been able to see her bright face there to cheer him up when he lost a crucial race. Maybe he would’ve been able to show her how much he loved swimming and how much he loved her being there. Maybe.

Instead he is now wondering what kind of things that Johnny guy is doing with her. Does she embrace him after winning a match? Does she show him her beautiful smile after winning or losing a crucial battle? Does she cheer him on loud and clear to encourage and strengthen him? Does he take her out to ice cream after it's over? Does Johnny show her how much he loves and appreciates her presence?

Jaehyun doesn’t really want to know the answer to any of those questions unless it is no.

He sits up and ruffles his hair from all the frustration building in his chest.

He checks the time and realizes it has only been five minutes since the last time he checked. Time seems to be going by really slow.

Movies lie when they say time stops when one is with the person they love. Right now, he is alone and time seems to be moving at the speed of a turtle. But when he is with Camila, it seems to move at the speed of a bunny being chased by a fox.

It’s exhilarating to even be near her. She emanates energy that brightens his day, everyday. His own sun. He wants to be sun kissed in her everyday.

Jaehyun smacks his cheek a couple of times before blinking his eyes quickly.

He must not forget that there is a girl who does everything for him. She has always put him before anyone else and he is a horrible human being for not doing the same. He should forget Camila and remember Mia is the real woman he should worry about.

He sends her a quick good night message, just like every other night, and then lays back down in the grass as he uses his arms as a pillow.

The stars seem to be a little shinier now after he has cleared his head.

Camila always tangles his thoughts, but Mia is always there to straighten them out.

A couple weeks pass by and Camila and Johnny are official prom dates.

Jaehyun and her are still friends. Her heart still flutters and does stunts whenever she sees him smile and laugh, but there are plenty of things that Johnny wins first place in.

When she sees ice cream, all she thinks of is Johnny. English class? Johnny. Letterman's jacket? Johnny. The letter J? Johnny. Silly jokes and big butt? Johnny.

She chuckles to herself at the thought... See? Johnny.

Jaehyun is heartbroken.

He feels Camila distance herself and she becomes reserved again, like back when they were strangers. She doesn’t joke with him the same way she used to and she only starts the conversation when she asks about homework.

Something about her died, but only for him.

He sees her and Johnny walking to classes together as their arms brush against each other the whole time.

He knows they are going to prom together. How wouldn’t he? It’s all over social media.

He remembers being surprised about her update on Instagram, clicking on it, expecting to see a selfie or a picture with her dog, but instead he was met with a picture of her and Johnny with the caption explaining the situation.

He remembers going to school and hearing all their mutual friends speaking about it.

He’s sad and he feels like he has lost something very near and dear to him.

But, not only is this hurting him it is hurting his relationship.

Mia can tell something is up and he knows, except he can’t just say, "I have a crush on this other girl but I think she has a boyfriend now, and that's why I'm sad."

That’s absurd.

He feels sorry for her and to her. Sometimes he would be so occupied thinking about Camila, that Mia would end up talking to herself.

Just like today as they sit at a small cafe. He asks her how her day has been and she spews nonsense about riding unicorns and volcanoes erupting. The sad part is, he simply nods and smiles, proving he isn’t listening.

This has been going on for a while, and she doesn’t know what is happening.

Is he no longer interested? Did she do something wrong?

She is terribly sad and doesn't know how to fix it. She doesn’t even know if fixing it is the right thing to do.

“Do you not like me anymore? Yes or no?” She asks him, trying to get him to answer something.

He nods his head no and sips his coffee absentmindedly. Her heart pounds at the answer and she stands from her chair.

“Jaehyun, I can’t do this anymore,” she whispers out and runs out of the cafe without turning back.

She doesn’t know if this is a rash decision but she also doesn’t know what else to do.

Jaehyun is confused at what just happened.

He doesn’t know what the problem is and can’t remember if he had said or done anything wrong.

He admits his head is not in the right spot currently. He is too busy thinking about Camila's story.

She is prom dress shopping with her friends and she looks absolutely gorgeous in the pictures she has posted.

He’s jealous of Johnny for being able to take such a beautiful girl to prom.

He shakes his head and slaps himself softly before standing and gathering his things.

He runs outside hoping to see Mia nearby but she is long gone.

He tries calling her but her phone is off and he doesn’t have a clue as to where she could be.

He just lost a girl that he knows he’ll never get back. It was his loss but he’s glad she is gone, so he can finally stop hurting her.

Camila sees Jaehyun the next day with red eyes and she knows he’s not okay. She decides to make an exception this one time to talk to him.

He tells her that Mia and him have ended things and Camila wants to be happy that he is finally available but is sad instead.

For starters, things are getting pretty serious with Johnny and she’s happy with him. Not to mention, how can she be happy about his dilemma? He looks so dead. He stares blankly ahead of himself.

Camila tries giving him encouraging words, but he continues to show nothing more than a small smile.

Taeyong can tell what’s happening. Both of them have mixed feelings now and it’s ironic that now the roles are reversed, in terms of who is single.

Jaehyun loves Mia but he loves Camila. It’s the same thing with Camila. She really likes Johnny, but she loves Jaehyun.

Taeyong feels bad for both of them.

Prom arrives and the couple Johnny and Camila make their relationship official.

Camila admits that she is very happy with Johnny. Jaehyun only crosses her mind when they are sitting next to each other in class, but she enjoys having Johnny as company more now.

Jaehyun does not attend prom. He is still feeling a mild heart ache for his ex-girlfriend, Mia, and he knows going to Prom only to see Camila with Johnny, will not help at all.

Taeyong spoke to him about going together as bros, but Jaehyun knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

He doesn’t feel like he has been wronged or anything like that. Mia had every right to dump him. In fact, if he was in her situation, jaehyun would’ve done it way sooner, and a lot harsher.

As for Johnny, he’s a good guy, that much he knows. Especially from the way he simply looks at Camila, it’s sincere and Jaehyun hates himself even more for it. Maybe if he would’ve looked at her like that… No, he can’t think of that right now.

Jaehyun sits in the same spot he always does when he feels lonely. His backyard, looking up at the stars.

Taeyong observes Mia, his best friend’s ex. He never really knew how or why they broke up, but he can give an educated guess.

Mia is having a good time with her friends, but he can tell she feels out of place, like she’s missing something, or someone. And he knows exactly who.

Mia still misses Jaehyun, and he’s sure Jaehyun still misses Mia, but he knows what happened had to occur in order to release the both of them. Jaehyun had to be released from the guilt he felt whenever he thought of Camila while he held Mia in his arms, and Mia had to be released from the pain she felt when Jaehyun zoned out and did not listen to her.

It was for the best.

Jaehyun can feel the spark between him and Camila dying down. What was once there is no longer and he doesn’t know whether to feel good or bad about it.

He knows Johnny is a good guy, but maybe if the chance came he could be a better man to her.

He doesn’t know what to think or do, because his one love is walking away from him and he doesn’t have it in him to call her back.

Maybe he shouldn't try anything at all. Maybe he should let her go and see if she comes back.

The day comes when the class of 2020 gets to walk on stage. Tears of happiness and sadness appear on a lot of people’s faces. Flashing lights from cameras flashing are everywhere and graduation is everything that was to be expected.

“Camila!” She hears a voice call out to her and her heart jumps erratically.

“Hey, Jaehyun!” She turns around and smiles at him. He is still wearing his graduation gown but it is now unzipped and his button up and dress slacks are revealed.

“Congratulations!” She continues as she extends her arms out and invites him in for a hug.

Jaehyun gulps as his heart rate rises to a fast pace.

He stretches his own arms out and as soon as the two touch, they feel an electric shock go through both their body’s. It runs up their arms, and travels through their whole body, leaving a lasting tingle.

As they pull away both Camila and Jaehyun are reminded of their non-existent relationship.

All of the looks they’ve shared, inside jokes, late night homework help, early morning greetings, all of the times where it felt like only they existed in the world. Like they were perfectly matched.

“You too! Ms. Valedictorian!” Jaehyun congratulates her in return and she blushes. And she lets him see the blush and the want and the, she admits, love in her eyes. Everything she’s ever felt for him and everything she has yet to let go.

Jaehyun responds with a look in return. One that urges her to stay and be with him. One that says she’s always been the one and that they really do belong together.

Neither of them say anything. There’s nothing to say.

Jaehyun hesitantly extends one hand out without saying anything.

Camila stares at his hand. She’s been waiting for this moment for a long time. Ever since that day in stats, when she stared at him and he told some stupid story, she realized, oh no.

Camila takes a step forward slowly and gulps as she observes his hand. She looks up to see Jaehyun looking at her. Patiently waiting as if telling her it’s okay.

“Camila!” They don’t hear anything as Camila finally begins to move her own hand.

“Camila!” The voice is getting louder and closer. But the pair is too immersed in each other to notice.

“Congratulations!” Johnny calls as he pulls Camila back into a hug. He lifts her happily and twirls her around.

Jaehyun's face falls as he watches the couple celebrating.

They were so close. So fucking close. And he saw it in her eyes. She loves him. And he loves her too. He does. If the past senior year didn’t showcase it enough, he’s positive he had been clear about it just a few moments ago.

What would have happened if she had taken his hand? Even he doesn’t know. But he’s sure it’d feel a lot better than this.

“Thank you Johnny!” He hears her reply and he is recalled back to reality with the happiness in her voice.

He hears that in her voice. The bright cheerful way of speaking. That only Johnny brings out now.

So he leaves. He wants her to be happy. Even if it’s not with him.

——————————

Hello. I wrote this my senior year in high school so it might be very not good lmao. Y’all know the drill; Swimmer, amazing, dream dude (Jaehyun) is based off a real person and some events were real (cringe). But the end was mostly inspired by the song There’s No Way by Lauv and Julia Michaels. And as always, ENJOY!