#shuri my beloved you deserve the world

[rulerofsilence]

Can’t explain in simple words how much I love Shuri’s character.

The way she was so consumed by grief but kept on insisting she’s fine and buried herself in her work. The way she hated herself for not seeing her brother’s illness and the hunting guilt of not being able to help him. The way she was so angry at the world and yet still so full of love and compassion towards this unknown girl who she was willing to go to war for because the thought of sacrificing her was too much. The way she stepped up and led her people and freaking resurrected the black panther after everyone gave up on it. The way she showed mercy at the end and was willing to end that cycle of vengeance and death even when facing the man who killed her mom. Like how? Where can one find this tremendous strength? Im just in awe 🥺

She has the biggest heart ever, only maybe matched by her brilliant unstoppable mind and im just so in love with her!!!!!! She’s been through so much and she deserves nothing but the best from now on. I just left the movie theater a full fledged stan even more so than before and I will fight every single one of you for her!

[sapphicvqmpires]

❁ཻུ۪۪♡ seven wonders

Pairing - shuri x black!fem reader

Word Count - 7.3k

Contains - smut (18+), soft!dom shuri, sub!reader, cunnilingus, fingering, tribbing, edging, choking/breathplay, overstimulation, clit play, shuri is a tease, praise kink, fluff

Divider From - @firefly-graphics

Sneak Peak - “What life took away from me, Bast replaced with you. You, my angel, are my gift.” She places a kiss on your cheek, the salt of your tears lingering on her lips and she allows it because she wants to stay here forever, wants to sulk in everything she’s feeling as a reminder that this is not a dream. She begins crying with you, overwhelmed with the gift that was you, overwhelmed that she had explored the world’s most intricate of beauties and yet you were still the most beautiful to her.

Tags - @inmyheadimobsessed @amplifiedmoan @vampzxi @abenomeiiii @imjusthere2readbruv @desswright29 @heejayy @shurislover @shurismainbxtch @garden-of-venus @tiii-iiiiii @verachii @ihearttish @playhousedistee @somethingcleaverandwhitty @niyahwrites @tishsrealwife @oceean @sookiesookie @myaraines @cafehyunji @6-noir @ventingfanfics @ririslove @marsolgy @shaiwritesss @naomis-daydream @prettymrswright @pocketsizedpanther (comment if you wanna be tagged in future fics, 18+ please)

Song Inspiration - another heartbreak: giveon, pov: ariana grande (readers pov), favorite song: toosii, reflections: dustystaytrue ft. toosii (shuri’s pov)

Writers Note: this fic is me self projecting in both of these characters. I just wanna love and be loved. This fic lowkey kicked my ass, why is writing fluff lowkey hard?? But shuri loves her baby girl so much in this one like whew, I need herrr. Anyways, as always, I hope you all enjoy my lovessss :)

♪ ༘⋆ Tears don’t fall when you’re right here, Perfect for me that’s my fear ♪ ༘⋆ (another heartbreak - giveon)

❁ཻུ۪۪♡ The evening is nothing short of perfect, sitting on a rooftop in Rio de Janeiro while the sun sets in the distance, a perfect image of the panoramic painting you sat in. Vibrant hues surrounded you as you sat in front of a small circular table that came alive with the flickering glow of candle light, a vibrant bouquet of exotic flowers and the fresh aroma of Brazilian cuisine. There were the sweet sounds of Bossa Nova playing in the distance, mixing in with the gentle rhythm of waves that settled in the not too far shore. To complete the picturesque view is what you were in this city for in the first place: the Christ the Redeemer Statue.

It was at this very moment that you found yourself at the final stop of your trip around the world. It was a trip orchestrated by your beloved girlfriend, Shuri, who cherished you deeply and wanted to show you what beauty the world had to offer. You had visited the Seven Wonders, each destination bringing you that much closer to the true joy you deserved. Shuri understood that before her arrival, you did not get out much. Not because you had no desire, not because you didn’t have the funds to, but because you simply had no one to share the world with. Life has presented you with hardships, constructing barriers that made you wary of the genuine splendor life had to offer. It obscured your understanding of what love truly entailed, as your past relationships, be they platonic or romantic, introduced individuals who made you question your self-worth. However, once again, you found yourself on a rooftop, accompanied by your girlfriend who quite literally gave you the world, even within the few fleeting months you two had spent together. Her love for you surpassed any other person you had encountered, and it was precisely all of this that frightened you.

“What’s on your mind, sthandwa sam?” Her voice held a gentle quality, infused with a subtle rasp that made you dizzy. It was flawless. Almost unnaturally flawless.

“Kwenzeka ntoni kula ntloko yakho intle?” (“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”)

Being with Shuri was the most transparent you had ever been. She consistently motivated you to express yourself fully, urging you to share your emotions openly and honestly. She possessed a deep understanding of your thoughts and the fears that were buried in your heart, which often hindered your ability to fully embrace the love she shared with you. Nonetheless, Shuri loved and respected you unconditionally. She yearned to hear your emotional release, offering her unwavering support to catch and discard them, surpassing any previous support you had ever received. She aspired to be there for you, her princess, in ways that no one else had ever been. And this is why it wasn’t terribly challenging to open up to her.

“Shuri, you know what I’m thinking.”

“I know, nkosazana, but I wanna hear you say it. Thetha nam ndimamele.” (“Speak to me and I’ll listen.”)

“Shuri-”

“Please, y/n. Please.”

You observe her, appreciating the exquisite features that decorated her face. She was so beautiful, so full of love in a body that has also been through pain and suffering. Shuri intimately understands the harsh realities of life, having experienced her own share of adversity. That's precisely why she gently encourages you to release the emotions you've kept bottled up. Her intention is never to cause discomfort or obligate you to share your past traumas. Rather, she seeks to help you acknowledge and process the feelings your mind and body are urging you to confront, enabling you to progress forward.

You bask in her warm glance for a few moments longer before you softly exhale, preparing your heart for what’s to come.

“It’s just a lot, Shuri. Not in a bad way. It’s never in a bad way when it comes to you. You’re so perfect, your love is overflowing and shit. It’s just…I’m just…”

“Yitsho.” (Say it.)

You sigh.

“Shuri, I-I just…”

Shuri notices your struggle, the way your voice breaks off and she immediately runs to your side, placing a kiss on your forehead before she lowers herself on one knee in front of you. She takes your hands, running her soft lips against your knuckles and you could cry. You loved her so much and it scared the shit out of you that you knew she deeply loved you too.

“I’m scared, Shuri.”

“Mhmm. Keep going, my love, I’m right here. Let it out.”

“I’m scared that…” Your voice gradually faded with your words becoming entangled in your throat, making it harder to breathe. You took a brief pause, collecting your thoughts so that they could flow effortlessly from your lips. “I’m scared that one day you’re gonna look at me and not love what you see anymore.”

You stopped there, curious as to what kind of response she would give you. But of course, she only encouraged you to proceed.

“You’re doing so good, y/n. Keep going…I know there’s more in that big heart of yours.”

You let out another sigh, not born out of annoyance or frustration, but rather a sigh of relief.

“I’m just worried that one day you’re gonna get tired of me, that I’m going to be…I don’t know…I guess just too much. To be fair, I am kinda a lot to be around…I-I understand that I’m not the easiest person to love, and that I can be a handful…”

You were on the verge of tears, but you didn’t allow them to escape you just yet. “I’m just scared you’re gonna get tired of me and I’m just not sure I can handle that, Shuri.”

“Mmm,” Shuri hummed, not once taking her gaze off yours as she continued to kneel in front of you. She brought your hands in for a kiss, loving lips attaching themselves to your soft, brown skin. She lifts herself up to reach your forehead, placing one last kiss before she speaks.

“You know why I chose you, y/n?”

You shake your head, unable to speak in fear that your emotions might overwhelm you and you did not want to ruin this perfect evening with Shuri more than you already felt you had. Shuri lets out a soft chuckle, her pearly teeth revealed through a crooked grin that placed butterflies in the depths of your stomach.

“It’s actually quite simple, nkosazana. I chose you because I love you. I love everything about you. I love your dimples when you smile, and those beautiful eyes, sthandwa. I love your body, everything about it is perfect. Your stomach, your thighs…what’s in between your thighs-“

“Shuri, you’re just talking about my body--”

“Ssshhh, I’m not done. I love your sense of humor, how you’re always laughing and it makes me laugh. Puts a smile to my face when I have no smile to offer. I love your strength and your capability to love even though the world has not been so kind to you. I love your creativity and how artistic you are, it balances me out because you know I love my science. It's nice to have an artist to level the plane. I love your beautiful dark skin and all its simplicities and complexities. I love how you encourage me to be my best, and you push me to be better, for you but most importantly for myself…”

“Shuri…”

“Wait, sthandwa, I have more to say. When…when I lost my brother, I felt as if the world came crashing down on me…he was my favorite person to be around and when he was gone…there was just…nothing…”

Her voice started to falter, unveiling the enduring pain that Shuri carries within herself each day, concealed by the smile she presents to you. A solitary teardrop escaped from her eye, though she hastily wiped it away. She wasn't prepared to break just yet, and neither were you.

“Shuri, you don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”

“I want to…and I need to. And you need to hear it.”

You offer a tender smile, conveying to Shuri that everything would be alright. Shuri breathes in, lightly grazing her lips against your hands before proceeding.

“And then…when my mother died…I just…”

“Shuri-”

“I had no will to live anymore because what was the point? I had no one. Nothing. Until…until you.”

You choked down a sob, one that would undoubtedly have torn through your entire being had you let it fully consume you.

“You reminded me of what it is to be happy, to laugh, like genuinely laugh…haven’t done that since my brother, I almost forgot what it felt like. You showed me that there’s so much more to live for, so much the world has to offer and I wouldn’t have it any other way, nkosazana.”

You offer a subtle nod, tears streaming down your face with an unrestrained flow, and this time you permit it. She was utterly flawless, an exquisite fusion of affection and happiness, seamlessly mending the shattered fragments of your own existence. Her embrace provided solace, her gaze offered a sense of security, and there was no place in the world you'd prefer to be at this very moment, and no one else you'd rather be with.

“Umhle kakhulu, y/n,” ("I love you, y/n”) she says with one last kiss before she stands, gesturing to you to stand as well. She pulls you into her embrace, a hug that engulfs every fiber of your being, immersing you in the warmth emanating from her body and permeating back into yours. She placed a firm kiss onto your forehead before you pressed your face into her chest, allowing gentle tears to cascade down your cheeks and onto the fabric of her shirt. Yet, she doesn't mind. She wanted to catch every single droplet that escaped you and tuck them away so you were no longer burdened by fears that weren’t truly there. She hated that you felt scared, apprehensive about the future and the uncertainties it holds, because she will never abandon you. She needs you just as much as you need her. Perhaps even more so.

She cupped your face in the palm of your hands, looking down at puffy eyes and puffy lips as you sniffled.

“You’re literally so beautiful, y/n,” she promises, pressing a kiss into your nose. “Just pour it out, let yourself feel the things you feel, my love. You have to let it out, y/n. Do you understand me?”

You nod, your lips forming a pout before more tears fell from her words.

“I’m not saying you have to explain things when you don’t feel like it. But what I am saying is I am your partner, your girlfriend and I’m here for you. I love you. And I want you to know that I love you, more than anything or anyone else in the world, and that I need you just as bad.”

If you hadn't been a tearful wreck before, you most certainly were now. Cheeks marked with traces of tears remained within Shuri's grasp as you drew her closer for another kiss.

“That’s it, y/n. Just let it out…I’m right here. Ndizohlala ndilapha.” (I’ll always be right here.”)

“I love you so so much, Shuri,” you promise, your voice broken from the lump in your throat.

“You know what the best part of this trip was, sthandwa sam?”

“Hmmm, what could that be, baby?”

A beautiful smile adorned her face as she lifted you up and twirled you around, dancing on a rooftop while your laughter echoed with genuine delight. She sat down on the chair, bringing you into her lap as you straddled her, holding her like it was your last time.

“We may have just traveled the world and its most exquisite landmarks, but you…you were my favorite part. No building or ancient structure is as beautiful and strong as my girl.”

The smile that graced your face was a sight of pure bliss in Shuri's eyes, as she cherished nothing more than the radiance of your beautiful smile. She buries her face in the nape of your neck, gently pressing her lips against your firm yet sensitive skin.

“Every morning I woke up next to you…every dinner I shared with you…every night I had my way with you…”

With each declaration, her kisses grew more fervent, targeting the places she knew weakened you. You wrapped your arms around her neck, fully embracing how much she rendered you powerless through every movement she made and every word she spoke. She was addicting, all consuming, fogging each and everyone of your senses but your pounding heart was a reminder as to where exactly you were.

“Shuri…we-we’re on a public rooftop,” you stuttered, trembling beneath her passionate kisses as you struggled to contain the pulse that found its way between your thighs.

“No one is coming. I made sure of that,” she replies, her face still sunken into your neck as she begins lifting your dress up to bunch around your waist. The light pulsing between your thighs transitioned to heavy throbbing, as melanated bodies grew more eager to feel one another.

“Let me know if you’re ok, y/n,” Shuri says, wanting to make sure that your head and heart is in the right place to proceed with her intimacy. You were more than ok, because even though your heart was often troubled and your mind was in constant battle, your body was always willing to receive whatever obstacle Shuri would give you.

“I’m ok, Shuri,” you reply desperately, slowly grinding your crotch in her lap. Shuri notices this, wasting no time in cupping your saturated cunt, casually stroking you over the thin lace of your panties. It was torturous, how close yet so far she was from where you needed her.

“Shuri,” you whined, a wounded sound that made Shuri smile.

“That’s it, sthandwa. Yilangazelele.” (That’s it, baby. Be desperate for it.”)

“Mmmm,” you moaned as she carefully pulled the fabric to the side, gliding her fingers through your folds, grazing your pulsing clit and it made you frantic. “Sh-Shuri.”

Her strokes came to a halt as she pressed into your clit, a shocking sensation radiating through your thumping nerves.

“Show me how you do it,” she whispered into you.

“Hmm?” you moaned in question.

“Show me how you do it, my pretty girl. Rock on me. Be desperate for it.”

She gently caressed your clit for a few more beats before ceasing, signaling your cue. Gradually, you widen the space between your thighs, allowing her more room to tenderly touch your delicate clit with the pads of her fingers, exerting a firm pressure as you slowly but surely start to grind in response. She wanted to watch you work for it, observe your struggle as you ascended towards your own pleasure.

“Shuri, baby. Ah.”

The feeling was deeply fulfilling, your clit fluttering with each swipe as your soft moans pleased Shuri’s senses. A grin appeared on Shuri's lips as she observed how your pleasure radiated through your facial expressions. Your eyelids grow heavy, your eyebrows relaxed as your mouth falls open. The knot in your stomach tightened as your grinds became harder, your pussy getting louder as you soaked her fingers.

“Look at you go.”

“Unh.”

“Yeah that’s right,y/n. Mntana oyimtombazana.” (“Work for it.”)

“Shuri, unh..shit.”

Shuri gently grabs your throat, not enough to hinder your breathing but enough to get your attention. She entices you closer, pulling you in as she presses her lips to your ear, her words eliciting a shiver that surges through your body, infusing your pounding clit with waves of pleasure, as if it wasn’t already too much on your body.

“Such a needy little pussy, huh?”

“Mhmm. Yeah.”

“So slippery, nkosazana. All this just for me, yeah?”

“Yes, baby yes.”

It was absolutely sensational, her fingers coming in contact with your body as you rubbed against her created a knot in your stomach as the heat coursed through your legs and Shuri’s gaze remained on you, shifting from your pleasured face to your tired cunt.

“Your pussy is so pretty, look at how swollen you are…Bast.”

“Sh-Shuri,” you tremble, a warning that you were close. “I..I..I’m close. Mmm…uhn.”

“Hold it, sthandwa. I know you can.”

“B-but I can’t. I need to.”

“You can do it. Cuz you got no choice, my pretty girl. The most beautiful girl.”

Her carefully selected words seamlessly intertwined with your every gesture, engulfing you in a sensation that overwhelmed your mind and your pussy. The intensity compelled you to surrender, to embrace the fiery passion swirling within your core, while your pussy delicately throbbed.

“Shuri, stop talking like that…you’re gonna make me…f-fuck. Shit.”

“What is it, y/n? Can’t handle being my pretty princess?” She gained pleasure from teasing you, relishing in the sight of your blissful torment while you writhed on top of her, fighting hard to obey her and not cum until she let you. “Would you rather be my pretty slut?”

“Baby…please,” you begged.

“Mmmm,” she hummed low. “You can be both.”

“Shit,” you whined, unintentionally slowing your movements down to give your swollen clit a moment to wind down.

“Khange ndithi ungacotha. Qhubeka uhamba. Ndibonise ukuba ufuna embi kangakanani.” (I didn’t say you can slow down. Keep going. Show me how bad you want it.”)

“Shuri..I-I…”

As you were at the threshold, a few more swipes away from releasing onto her, she removed her fingers from you, a long sticky line connecting with her fingers until she drew them into her mouth, cleaning them dry as she kept her eyes on you.

“Wh-why did you do that?,” you struggled to say as your impending orgasm remained trapped between your legs, so close to being released from your body before she denied you. Shuri chuckles before kissing your cheek, still tear-stained from earlier.

“Ssshh, my love. You’ll get it soon. Don’t worry.”

Gently raising you from her lap, she clasped your hand as the two of you headed back to your hotel room. Your tense pussy nerves made walking a challenge, causing you to falter occasionally, but Shuri guided you every step of the way.

♪ ༘⋆ You love my lips ‘cause they say the things we’ve always been afraid of, I can feel it starting to subside, learning to believe in what is mine ♪ ༘⋆ (pov - ariana grande)

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

"Oh my god, Shuri!" you exclaim, caught off guard, as Shuri effortlessly lifts you off the ground and twirls you around, cradling your body in her embrace as you walk down the hotel corridor. With a playful gesture, she plants several kisses on your cheek, eliciting another burst of laughter from you. “Shuri, put me down!,” you manage to utter amidst your genuine laughter, even though your plea for her to let you go was anything but.

“Absolutely not, nkoszana,” she teases, spinning you once more before you make it to your hotel door. It was then Shuri placed you down, trapping you between the door and her body as her mouth traveled back to that sweet spot on your neck. Your hand made its way to the back of her head, gently grasping her soft curls as her passionate kisses milk a moan off your lips. Her hands creep down your body, caressing your curves before her fingers slowly find their way between your legs again, causing your knees to give out for a split second as you were still sore from your unreleased orgasm.

“Wait-Shuri…shit.”

The instant her fingers stroke you over the drenched material, a familiar sensation stirs within you, beckoning your orgasm to well up once more, eager to escape from your body.

“Shuri…please.”

“Hmmm?”

“Shuri…I…inside please, let’s go inside?”

She lifted her face from your neck, her hungry eyes meeting your pained ones as she continued her assault on your pussy. She dips her ring and middle finger beneath the fabric, coming in pure contact with your swollen clit once again, sending an electric pulse swimming through your aching cunt.

“Shuri-ah!,” you moaned loudly, most likely audible to anyone that may have been occupying any other of the hotel rooms. Shuri lifted a finger to your lip, a gesture that told you to keep quiet.

“I-I’m sorry,” you whispered, struggling to keep your heavy moans at bay.

“It’s ok, sthandwa, you’re ok. Let’s go inside now, yeah?”

You nodded, the only response you could give because if you dare to speak, coherent words would not fall out. Shuri only smirked at you, opening the door before lifting you up once again, shutting the door behind her aggressively while the two of you passionately kissed until your back gently pressed onto the bed.

Shuri was delicate in removing your dress from your body, gliding the zipper downwards and gracefully allowing the slender straps to slip off your shoulders. Your panties, she was not so gentle with, hooking her fingers underneath the lace that hugged your hips and tearing them, causing a whine to escape your lips.

“Shuri!”

“I’ll get you another pair, my love, do not worry.”

You yearned one another intensely, craving Shuri's touch with a deep hunger, and she desired you just as deep. For a moment, she got off the bed, allowing herself to become entranced with the way your slick glistened your inner thighs, doing all this as she unbuttoned her dress shirt and rolled up her sleeves, her small gold chain crystalline against her ebony skin. She was so beautiful and the sight of her only heightened your arousal, your core pulsing beneath her gaze.

Shuri got on the bed, resting herself on the headboard before motioning you to sit on her lap and you oblige, spreading your legs over hers as your pussy lingered above her crotch. She wasted no time sinking her eager fingers through your folds, her digits getting lost in your thick, swollen pussy as you feel the coolness of her rings up against you. She occasionally brushes over your clit and you flinch every time, still sensitive from her lingering touch.

“Shuri, stop playing baby,” you whine, completely unashamed of how needy your plea sounds.

“Where do you want me?”

“Inside…pl-please?”

“Mhmm….” Shuri pressed into your clit once more, pushing loving circles into you before she made her way down to your clenching hole. You were drenched, desperate for her touch but Shuri desired to savor this moment as if it were a rare occurrence, aiming to reaffirm that you were more than what others perceived you to be because in her eyes, you meant everything and even more.

She traced her fingers over your entrance, feeling the way your pussy chased after her in desperation. The relentless teasing she subjected you to was unbearable, driving you to the edge of exhaustion as your impatience mounted, begging her to put an end to it.

“Shuri, pleeease.”

With a sly expression, Shuri's crooked grin compliments her fingers as they firmly dig into you, using her free hand to guide your body onto her as if you were sitting onto her strap. She continuously pushes into you until her knuckles kiss your pussy lips, Shuri’s fingers are well acquainted with your body, swiftly linking the pads with that special spot inside you that makes your pussy walls convulse violently, prompting you to bury your head into her as you moan into her shoulder.

“Oh yes, Shuri, unh.”

“I want you to bounce, nkosazana. Ride me like you ride my dick.”

With her words infused with the depth in her tone, it provided all the motivation you required. A shiver rushed down your spine, intertwining with the shiver that surged through your pussy walls, instantly targeting your g-spot as you milked Shuri’s fingers.

Raising your head from her shoulder, you met her gaze fixed not on your eyes but on your body, observing every reaction you had to her touch. The way your breasts bounced frantically in tempo with her thrusts, and the way your pussy lips swelled from the stimulation made it evident just how much you desired her and how eager you were to surrender to the woman below you. Shuri brought her lips to your face, her eyebrows scrunched together as she planted fervent kisses on your temple before softly whispering words of reassurance into your ear, causing your walls to clench around her with urgency.

“Injalo, ntombi yam entle. Yileqe.” (“That’s right, my pretty girl. Chase it.”)

“Shuri, please.”

“Ukhangeleka umhle ngolu hlobo. Intle kakhulu xa uyinqwenela.” (“You look so pretty like this. So pretty when you’re desperate for it.”)

It’s moments like these where you’re thankful that you learned to speak Xhosa fluently, your mind becoming foggy with the native words that spill off of Shuri's tongue as her thrusts and your bounces simultaneously find each other in your g-spot. It was nothing short of pure bliss as your orgasm crept through you, the heat in your stomach igniting as your wet pussy echoed through the hotel room.

“Sh-Shuri…I’m gonna cum, Shuri.”

“Then do it.”

“Ah!”

For a few moments longer, Shuri showers you with praise, extolling your body and emphasizing how flawlessly your pussy compliments her, designed to take her and listen to her and this was all made clear with how her voice radiated through her next words, instantly pushing you to your orgasm.

“Cum, baby. Let this aching pussy have what she’s been begging for all night.”

And with her words, the pressure built to your breaking point as you released right onto her, oozing onto her hand and trailing down to her crotch. Your orgasm crashed through you wave after wave as Shuri continued to praise you through it, making promises of forever and how much she loves her pretty girl.

“Shuri, yeah,” you trembled, moans shattered and delicate, struggling to articulate thoughts while your mind and pussy absorbed everything.

"Ngokwenyani ungoyena mntu umhle ndakha ndambona. Ndifuna nje ukwenza ukuba ube cum ngokuphindaphindiweyo." ("You're literally the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I just wanna make you cum over and over again.")

“I..fuck.”

“Will you let me do that, y/n? Make you cum all the time? Whenever I please?”

You nod frantically, the pulse in your walls growing as Shuri continues to fuck you through it, switching between rubbing your clit and thrusting into you as you struggle to come down from your blissful state.

“Fuck, I love you,” she mumbles, repositioning you so your on your back, almost unaware of where you were but you snapped back to reality as you feel Shuri spread your legs open and place her mouth inbetween them, grazing her lips over your still sensitive clit and your whole body spasmed at her touch, absolutely fragile from your lingering orgasm.

“W-wait Shuri…I can’t…please,” you whimper, placing your hand over your aching pussy.

“Yihambise.” (“Move it.”)

“Baby…I-I…”

“Y/n…I said move it.”

You shake your head from side to side in protest, your face contorting in a mix of desperation and fatigue as your delicate pussy continues its rhythmic throb. Shuri removes herself from between your thighs, leaning forward to meet your gaze as she gently pinches your chin to redirect your attention to her. Cradling the back of your head, she holds you close, her light chain dangling inches from your face.

“There isn’t a woman in the world as strong as my baby girl. You can take anything. I promise. Do you understand me?”

You vigorously nod and she chuckles at the sight of your vulnerability, noticing how your responses have been reduced to mere head gestures, as you grapple to form coherent sentences.

“I know what your pussy needs, and from the way you’re still leaking onto these sheets like a slut, I know she wants more. Am I right?”

Another nod.

“Uze ube yintombazana elungileyo kum, nkosazana, wenze le nto ndiyithethayo. Hambisa isandla sakho.” (“Then be a good girl for me, princess, and do what I say. Move your hand.”)

You hesitated at first before you obeyed her words. You removed your hand from the heat between your thighs, revealing your pussy that continued to drip for her. Your pussy lips were puffy, your clit enlarged as you opened your legs wider for Shuris devour and she practically salivated at the sight of you before she dove into her meal with one flat lick through your folds. Instantly, your hand gravitates to your pussy again but Shuri lightly pushes it out the way, allowing nothing to get between her and what belongs to her.

“Ungakhe ucinge ngayo.” (“Don’t even think about it.”)

Finally, she takes your clit into the swells of her lips, pulling you into her mouth as she sucked and slurped both in and around you. Your legs rest on her shoulders, her hands hooked around your thighs, your toes perfectly pointed. It was overwhelming, her mouth on you as she moaned into your pussy and connected her gaze with yours. You brought your hand to gently fist her curls, using them as a handle to grind down on her tongue.

“Shuri, oh my god, baby yes,”

“Take it easy, sthandwa. I don’t want you cumming just yet.”

“Oh…okay…fuck.”

The squelch of your pussy resonated loudly, wet lips meeting wet lips as you sensed your impending climax. Your stomach started to twist into knots, the soles of your feet and palms of your hands tingle while your pussy hole tightened. You weren’t certain with how much longer you could keep it in as Shuri’s tongue work seemed to intensify, causing your cunt to clench repeatedly.

“Baby…I’m gonna-you’re gonna make me-”

Once again, Shuri moaned into your pussy, a sound that added to your already soaked cunt before reluctantly letting go. The physical and mental turmoil of nearing the threshold, only to be abruptly pulled away was agonizing. But Shuri had a different plan for the both of you. She wanted to experience your body entirely, to witness your release directly onto her as your body completely unraveled and understood that you belonged to her and it will remain so as long as you allow it.

She locks eyes with you while standing by the bed. With elegance and sexual frustration, she begins to unbutton the rest of her dress shirt, meticulously lifting the fabric from her body. Her perky breasts rest beautifully on her chest, her dark skin seemingly eager to intertwine with yours. As she begins to undo her belt buckle, you shift your position to sit at the edge of the bed in front of her, wanting to take over and complete the task yourself.

“Here baby, lemme take these off of you,” you plead. She nods in agreement, making room for you to complete the job. You earnestly unbuckle her belt, undoing each button one by one as you press your lips against the valley in her breasts. When her pants were undone, you slipped your hand beneath her boxers, your palm coming in direct contact with her dripping pussy and she took a sharp inhale as you glided through her folds.

“So wet just from tasting me,” you whispered with a smirk.

“Ndimanzi kuba ndikuthanda,” she replied. (“I’m wet because I love you.) She completely removes her pants and boxers from her body, standing before you fully bare in her petite yet toned body. “Lala phantsi ngenxa yam.” (“Lie back down for me.”)

In no time, Shuri grips your calf, guiding you into a perfect position where her pussy can meet yours. The moment she touches you, the instant her aching bud kisses yours, a surge of immediate pleasure overwhelms you, your jaw falling open as you sing soft melodies of praise meant for her ears only.

“Fuck baby.”

She embraces you, swaying back and forth until it feels like the entire universe is within your grasp. Your melanated skins meld as one, two feminine bodies intertwining to form the most exquisite shades of brown.

“Sh-Shuri, un-UNH.” Your moans escalated, becoming filthier by the second and you couldn't help but feel a tinge of embarrassment with how easily aroused you became and so you bit your bottom lip to try and contain the shameful moans that sat in the pit of your throat. Shuri's face was concentrated, eyebrows furrowing as she was captivated by the sight of your puffy pussy on hers; concentrated on sloshing cores and the friction created below. But she was determined to hear you, reveling in your inability to keep quiet as she pleased you with her body. She allowed muffled moans and gentle whimpers to linger on for too long, fully aware that you wanted to completely unleash yourself. And she would make you.

“No, don’t do that.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t hold back.”

No matter how many times she saw you naked, how many times she’s fucked you into oblivion, you always became embarrassed with how effortlessly compliant your body was, how loud your mouth and your pussy desperately became.

“What’d I say about holding it in?”

You shake your head in defiance, struggling to muffle the pitiful moan welling up within you. It's almost as if you're testing her, curious to see how she'll respond and whether she'll get her way. Shuri doesn’t hesitate to snake her palm around your throat, almost in a loving manner as she grins. She presses lightly, again, not enough to hinder your breathing pattern but enough to get your attention on her.

“Answer me, princess. What’d I say about holding it in?”

“Y-you…fuck. You said n-not to,” you struggled to say amidst Shuri’s heavy grinding.

“Injalo, ntombi yam entle,” she responds (“That’s right, my pretty girl). Still, you resist her, intrigued to witness the depths of determination in your normally tender and affectionate Shuri, to see how far she'll go in pursuing her own desires. You feel the compression on your windpipe escalate much harder than it was, oxygen struggling to move down your throat and it makes you soak as you moan in unison with your guttural gasps. You clasp her wrist for support, a soft smile appearing on your face as you get lost in your dwindling breathing pattern.

“I…Shuri…AH!”

“That’s it, y/n. Pour it out, just like I said. Let yourself feel the things you feel. Let me give your pretty pussy what she deserves…shit.”

“UNH.”

“Nantso ke sthandwa sam, mandikuva.” (“That’s it my love, let me hear you.”)

Your pussy entrance clenched frantically, your used clit beating like rapid thunder as your orgasm awaited you. And it was no different for Shuri. It was written all over her face. The more she spoke, the more broken and disheveled her sentences became, her jaw twitching and abs contracting as she chased her own high, absolutely desperate to feel your pussy cum all over her palpitating clit.

“Sh…Shuri! Ooooo fuck baby…I-I’m gonna…”

“Do it. Flood m-me…unh.”

Both of your moans were messy, filling the air with cries of each others names as Shuri continued to fuck you with her drenched pussy. It was exhilarating, a rush of warmth that surged through your body, starting as a tight ball of heat in your sex and radiating outward. The thump between your dewy folds pulsed at a faltering rhythm, one beat upon another, as you felt Shuri's clit continuously twitching and teasing against you.

“Fuck, y/n. You make my pussy feel so g-good,” Shuri moaned, struggling to descend from her own state of bliss. And she was a sight to see. Her dark skin glistened with perspiration, the chain adhering to her body due to the sweat. Her curls were ruffled, their natural pattern still discernible but marred by the droplets of sweat that trickled down her forehead. And you could always tell how hard her orgasm was rushing through her body with the way her abs tightened and her jaw clenched, her pussy puffed out as her clit jolted with pleasure. Your girlfriend was ridiculously sexy and the way her body reacted to yours was a testament in itself with how much she loved you.

Before you were able to come back to earth, you felt one last lick up your folds and you shuddered violently forcing Shuri to grip your thighs tightly in order to keep you still. You were still so achy, pulsations still finding a way to decrease as Shuri pressed her mouth onto you, kissing your pussy lips like they’re the lips on your face.

“Ugqibelele kakhulu,” she hums into your cunt before licking your juices up (“You’re so perfect,”). “Intwana yakho igqibelele.” (“Your pussy is so perfect.”)

Another lick through your folds that makes you jolt and you consider trying to squirm out of her grasp but the sight of Shuri worshiping words of praise into your pussy in her native tongue is enough to let you keep her there.

"Ndifuna ukudlala kwi intwana yakho ngalo lonke ixesha.” (“I want to play in your pussy all the time.”)

“Ufuna ukwenza ukuba uze ngapha nangapha nangaphezulu kwakhona.” (“Wanna make you cum over and over and over again.”)

“Nanini na ndifuna.” (“Whenever I want.”)

"Kuba ndiyakuthanda." (“Because I love you.”)

“Intwana yam.” (“My pussy.)

“Umntwana wam oyintombazana.” (“My baby girl.”)

They were words of promise, words of desire as you cum once more. The waves of her husky voice surged through you as her mouth wrapped around your clit and you whimpered through your overwhelming orgasm, legs trembling as you trapped Shuri between the thickness of your dark thighs.

“Sh-Shuri…please. I-ah…I can’t take it anymore.”

“I know, baby.”

“Then…please.” You were shaking, completely overtaken by it all. “Please Shuri…I can’t.”

Shuri plants one last kiss onto your clit and you shudder, breasts and thick thighs jiggling one last time before Shuri removes herself from the heaven between them. You were her baby girl, her princess, her everything and she didn’t want you to feel anything less. She comes back up to face you, caressing your cheek as sleep crept through your mind.

“Y/n…are you able to wash up yourself?”

You nodded and Shuri smiled, proud of you.

“Then go do it, please. I’ll be out here waiting for you.”

“W-wait…why can’t we wash up together? We always do it together,” you pouted.

“Sshhhh,” she whispered, still caressing your beautiful face. “Kukanye nje, sthandwa sam. Ndiyacela." (“Just this once, my love. Please.”)

You hesitate, but nod, bringing her in for a kiss as you taste the remnants of your pleasure on Shuri’s lips.

“Good girl. Always my good girl.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

♪ ༘⋆ Open up those gates to your heart, Only if you’ll let me ♪ ༘⋆ (favorite song - toosii)

After finishing your shower and changing into pajamas, you step out of the bathroom only to be greeted by a heartwarming sight that leaves you holding back tears. A trail of rose petals leads from the bathroom door to the neatly made hotel bed, where you and Shuri shared your intimate moment. Placed on the bed is a large stuffed panda bear, a thoughtful reminder that Shuri noticed your love for these creatures during your trip to China to visit The Great Wall. Right in front of the bear sits a beautifully wrapped box. Shuri's smile warms your heart, and you rush into her arms, straddling her with a passionate kiss. She changed into low waisted black joggers with a matching black crop top, showing off her sculpted body and toned arms as the subtle gold chain remained on her neck. She looked damn good.

“Baby, you didn’t have to do all this.”

“Of course I did. You’re my girlfriend.”

“Shuri…”

“Sshhh, y/n, just open it.”

“But I didn’t get you anything.”

“Y/n…I don’t get you things to get things in return. I get you things because I love you and because I can. Now open it…please?”

"Mmmm okay!," you giggled, playfully pecking Shuri's nose before removing yourself from her lap. You picked up the gift, giving it a little shake before eagerly unwrapping it. Inside, you found exquisite souvenirs from each of the stops you and Shuri had made on your trip to the Seven Wonders. The items looked rare and valuable, serving as a beautiful memento of the precious time you had spent with the woman you cherished the most.

“Shuriiiiii! Where-how? How did you get these??”

Shuri shrugs her shoulders, a half cocky grin painting her face. “I have my ways.”

You rolled your eyes in a playful manner, proceeding to dig through the gift. Along with it all was a kimoyo bracelet, and you smiled at the gesture.

“Thank you babyyyy,” you squeal, wrapping your arms around her neck. “Now I can do all the things you do!”

“Welllll not quite. Wouldn’t want you hurting yourself now,” she chuckled. “I made this mostly so I can keep you safe even when I’m not around. That amongst…other things.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“What things?”

“Oh you know…like…things…like I can give you orgasms with it.”

“Oh my god, Shuri!,” you laugh, playfully hitting her once more before proceeding to look in the box, finding a folded piece of paper at the bottom.

“Oooo, what’s this??,” you ask before Shuri takes the paper from your hand, laughing in your state of confusion.

“I wanna read this to you myself,” she says, her voice smooth as silk.

“What is it?”

“Just relax for me. Here…hold this,” she says, placing the panda plush in your arms. It was so cute.

Shuri slowly unfolded the paper, kissing your lips before inhaling deeply.

“I call this piece ‘Seven Wonders’.”

“Piece? Shuri, what is this?”

“Just…listen...”

✎✯ “They say the world contains wonders, I heard there were seven

But what wonders do they speak of if we don’t live in heaven?

They say the world contains beauty, but for me it was tragic

And though I don’t believe fables, I believe you are magic

I say the world contains death, yet in you I find life

And though now I’m your girlfriend, I hope one day I’m your wife

I say the world is but hell, yet you are my heaven

And if the world contains wonders, then you are all seven” ✯✎

With each word, each stanza and rhyme, you were brought to a state of healing. A state where you could feel Shuri’s words pick up the pieces for you and mend them back into one. You were an emotional wreck, tears falling down your cheeks uncontrollably to a point where softs sobs ripped out of your mouth. Your chest felt heavy and light all at once, as you were overtaken and consumed by the love you had for your girlfriend.

“Shuri, what the fuck???,” you cried, basking it all in. “That was so fucking beautiful, what? I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, nkoszana. You just have to believe it.”

“Shuri I…I didn’t even get you anything.”

"Baby, come here," she murmurs gently, gesturing for you to return and settle back into her lap, and you comply willingly. With your puffy eyes meeting hers, she can't help but be overwhelmed with love for you.

“You are my gift.”

Your lips form a pout, eyes twinkling with your tears.

“What life took away from me, Bast replaced with you. You, my angel, are my gift.” She places a kiss on your cheek, the salt of your tears lingering on her lips and she allows it because she wants to stay here forever, wants to sulk in everything she’s feeling as a reminder that this is not a dream. She begins crying with you, overwhelmed with the gift that was you, overwhelmed that she had explored the world’s most intricate of beauties and yet you were still the most beautiful to her.

“Thank you my love,” you whisper for her ears only, nuzzling your face into the warmth of her neck as she kisses your temple in longing. “You’re my everything, Shuri.”

“Nawe ungowam.” (“And you are mine.”) ❁ཻུ۪۪♡

♪ ༘⋆ I see reflections of me when I look at you, and I ain’t never felt this way, and I can’t lie girl you got it, and I got pain all in my body you helping me heal from, lil’ mama a real one ♪ ༘⋆ (reflections - dustystaytrue ft. toosii)

[irontinystar]

hi! i was wondering if you’d recommend other authors that you enjoy or even specific fanfics you like? i’ve only just started getting into the steve/tony fandom and want to follow more people! thank you!

Hi there!!! Welcome to the fandom!!!<3<3<3

I’m so glad you asked this question since I’ve always wanted to do a fic rec post!!!!

HERE WE GO:

10K+ WORDS (ONE CHAPTER) FICS:

Quit while you’re ahead by magicasen

“It began, as things tend to between them, as a bet.”

the reason you ruminate the shadowy past by Mizzy

“So, Captain America effectively manages to cockblock Tony for a year.

It's not Steve's fault. Well, actually, it is. But he was just proving a point - that if a superhero is gay, how can it be wrong? Steve just picked the wrong superhero to make the point with. Now America will think they're dating - and Tony's not going to be the guy to break Captain America's heart.

There's only one way out. To save face, Steve and Tony have to become fake boyfriends. Steve thinks the "boyfriends" bit will be the hardest to act... but maybe it's the "fake" part that will be the hardest act of all...”

made to make you blue by gottalovev

“Steve, drunk for the first time since the serum, hits on Tony. It's everything Tony's ever dreamt about, but he refuses to have sex with a drunk Steve who can't truly consent. They do kiss, though, and Tony stays the night. The morning after brings a misunderstanding of disastrous proportion, where both men wrongly assume the other is uninterested. Life gets extremely complicated when Enchantress, mad at Thor, casts a spell that links people who love each other together, letting them feel the other's pain.”

On the Turning Away by thegraytigress

“Tony's new relationship with Steve is going great. They're a few weeks into it, and it's utterly amazing. He's feeling better and more sure of himself than he ever has before. Honestly, he's flying high.

But then he asks Steve a simple, logical, and seemingly innocent question: "do you want to spend the night?" And everything comes crashing down.”

love the sin, love the sinner by silkspectred

“It keeps happening. Not often, just once or twice a month, but it keeps happening. Always in the same way: it’s unplanned, sudden, unexpected, Steve is surprised and eager, his dick goes from zero to one hundred in two seconds, Tony’s touch is electric, everything he does drives Steve crazy, but he never lets Steve kiss him, he very rarely looks Steve in the eye, he never talks, never makes a sound when he comes, never mentions it later.”

Of Beards and Best Defenders by nannersmelo

“Tony finds out about when Steve had a beard once upon a time, and outraged that he never got to see it, decides to find a way to witness it by himself.”

Tony Pretends To Date Steve (Until He Doesn't Have To) by HappyStony

“"You alright?"

Of course he was not alright! Tony had a blue eyed, blond haired, six foot too high, two hundred who knows what pound, too sexy for his own good ninety something, mentally twenty, year old man on top of him. Who even asks that question in a situation like that?

Or: Basically the title. Tony pretends he's dating Steve until...well, you know.”

i have found the one (whom my soul loves) by soniclipstick (veriscence)

“It's been months since the Avengers were pardoned. One by one, they'd all gone home, until Steve finds himself alone in the grand old building T'Challa had given them.

But everything changes when Steve answers the doorbell, and Tony Stark strides in with more grey on his temple and make-up on his face than Steve remembers.”

Hating Steve Rogers by nanasekei

“The thing about hating Steve Rogers is that it shouldn’t be easy - but it really, really is.”

we have become something different, beloved (tragic and lovely) by Areiton, venusiaries

“"What's the Accords?" he asks, and Tony's head tilts. "I don't think that concerns you," he says. "But you don't deny that it's something." "There's a lot of something's I'm involved in that you don't know about," Tony says.

~~~~

There's a story, years long and publicly known, about the way the Avengers ended and why. And then there is the truth, carefully hidden and protected.”

remedy by quidhitch

““I like the walls,” Steve shrugs, knocking his knuckles against the side as if to demonstrate. “Makes me feel covered.”

A soldier in a fortress, Tony thinks, which is a pretty ridiculous thought to have about Captain America and his enormous limbs stuffed into a too-small bathtub, but there it is.

Or: Tony Stark learns a thing or two about what it means to be In Recovery™.”

Binary System by Annie D (scaramouche) ( @no-gorms )

“Tony tends to be tactile with people he trusts. These days that list of people includes Steve, which is a good sign of the progression of their friendship. For his part, Steve seems to enjoy it as much as Tony does... until Tony goes a little too far.”

The Best Policy by starknjarvis

“Tony Stark breezes through life on bluster and bullshit. When he gets hit by a truth spell, he locks himself away in his workshop so he can find a way to reverse it without anyone finding out. So why can't he say no when Steve keeps asking to spend time with him?”

Slipping off the Page into Your Hands by Sineala ( @sineala )

“Soulmates have their first words to each other written on their wrists. This should make it easy. For Steve and Tony, it is anything but. Steve's problem is that the future he has awoken into is nothing he was ever expecting: he has a soulmate now. Who might be a robot. And if his soulmate is Iron Man, how can he be so attracted to Tony Stark? It should be impossible. Tony's problem is that he is Iron Man, his soulmate is a man whom he in no way deserves, and he is going to fight everything in his heart and do his best to make sure Steve never, ever finds out the whole truth.”

How to Win Affection Without Really Trying by Annie D (scaramouche)

“Tony almost dies saving Steve’s life, but that’s just part of being an Avenger. It’s no reason for Steve to get all weird and intense around him afterward.”

A Certain Affinity by miobambiino ( @miobambiino )

“"They were like that a lot nowadays, ever since they got back from their little kidnapping escapade. Sure, they’d been close before then - they all had - but now… it was different. They were close, close. Squishing up next to each other, whispering to one another, playing with each others hair, apparently.

Steve inwardly grimaced at himself. He was being bitter and petty, he knew that. But he couldn’t figure out why, though. His teammates were getting along, which is only a good thing. Especially considering how they started things off way back on the helicarrier. But since when were Tony and Nat this cosy?"

Aka Steve is jealous of Tony and Nat's friendship, gets the wrong idea, and requires a little help from Nat herself to get some well-needed perspective.”

Admiring the Scenery by Annie D (scaramouche)

“Steve’s used to people checking him out, but when Tony does it, it feels… different.”

Symmetry Breaking by Annie D (scaramouche)

“After the Battle of New York, Steve rode off on his motorbike. That's how it went the first time.

This time he rides back, all the way to Stark Tower, where he asks Tony for help.”

MULTICHAPTERS FICS:

almeno tu nell'universo by silkspectred

“Tony drives off.

Well, he wants to.

But he can’t.

Because.

Steve Rogers is in front of his car.

Steve fucking Rogers. Is in front of Tony’s fucking car.”

take my heart clean apart by mistymountainking

“He’s tired, so tired of waiting, tired of touches with no meaning, tired of holding his breath when Steve’s in the room, tired of keeping this love to himself.

“I can’t—I can’t, if you don’t mean it.”

***

Tony comes home exhausted after an SI event. Steve acts as welcoming committee. It's an old, careworn routine they've perfected over the years, but tonight ends up going in a very different direction.”

Thrust Issues by Sineala

“A battle gone wrong leads Tony to the unexpected and pleasant discovery that Steve is much more well-endowed than he could ever have imagined. But when Tony learns that Steve has never actually been able to sleep with anyone because of his size, Tony does what any good friend would do: he offers to relieve Steve of his virginity. Personally. Tony's determined, Tony's methodical, and Tony has a plan. He's going to get Steve laid. Tony just needs to make sure Steve never finds out that Tony's in love with him.”

Overhaul by Annie D (scaramouche)

“Steve knows that Tony has feelings for him and, since he doesn’t return those feelings, has been mildly dreading the day that Tony decides to do something about it. When that day finally arrives, Steve discovers that Tony’s wooing strategy isn’t anything at all like he’d expected.”

Whatever Makes You Happy by WilmaKins ( @wilmakins )

“Steve and his team never stopped Avenging. So when T'Challa tells them about strange events at the site of an ancient landmark, everything seems quite simple. Of course they'll help Shuri to investigate it - helping people is what they do, after all.

Until they discover that a race of alien empaths are harvesting human emotions as a source of power. Specifically, they're using the misery of one Tony Stark.

So, until they work out what's really going on, the fate of the world might depend on them keeping Tony happy.

Not simple. Not simple at all.

Set six months after CA:CW.”

a catalog of non-definitive acts by firebrands ( @firebrands )

“Tony's seen the way Steve watches him, trails after him just for a moment, then catches himself. Let it never be said that Tony Stark doesn’t pay attention. At least, when it matters.

*

Or, Steve, Tony, and the emotional fallout of keeping secrets. (Set in some nebulous time pre-AoU.)”

The Single Biggest Problem With Communication by BlossomsintheMist

“In the wake of Steve's return from the dead and the end of Norman Osborn's reign of terror, the superhero community is recovering--Steve has taken on a new role and Tony is trying to put his life back together. Things are still awkward between them, but they're determined to put things to rights. But when a discussion about their feelings leads to further misunderstandings, they discover that might be more difficult than either of them realized. Set in the early Heroic Age after the end of Dark Reign, this is a get-together story about crossed wires--and second chances.”

Broken by livink ( @anthonyed )

“After Siberia, Tony Stark faces depression, a giant purple alien and a forced reunion. Ironically, he feels as if he's the only one who is broken in this journey. Until he comes across Barnes. Then, Bruce, Natasha and Wanda. Later, he realises that the man who broke him is broken too and this is a story where they heal and find their footings back.”

wonderland by Areiton

“Six weeks after being abandoned in Siberia, Tony wakes in a Tower, next to the man who broke his heart and his trust. But the world--whatever Wonderland world they’ve landed in--isn’t like their own. The Avengers are happy here. Tony and Steve are married here. With a direct line to Steve’s emotions and the team that he’s always wanted--Tony is more than a little tempted to stay. Seeing how happy Tony is, how healthy Bucky is--Steve doesn’t disagree. But there are cracks in Wonderland and the shiny paint peeling might leave a nightmare behind--one that Tony and Steve will need each other more than ever, to escape.”

when i run out of road, you bring me home by quidhitch

““Oh, I won’t bother you.” The tone of Steve’s voice implies that he definitely will be bothering Tony, aggressively and frequently. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll keep to my farm, you keep to yours. Solitude together.”

Tony opens his mouth to argue that that’s not how this works, but he snaps it shut at the realization that Steven Grant Rogers is fucking with him. That twinkle in his eye has accelerated into a full-on glimmer, and the ends of his lips are twitching. Jesus, he hates this man. Or maybe he wishes he did. Tony can’t really tell the difference anymore.”

Down in Lonesome Town by resurrectedhippo

“Tony eyes him. “Why do I always find my way back to you?”

Maybe he didn’t necessarily return to Steve, but fate is a funny little thing, and after living a life of loss, Steve wants something that’s his to keep. Tony deserves a love that’s unrestrained; Steve thinks he’ll erupt with it.

Love is messy, not easy, and takes work.

Maybe love feels like rage.

But maybe love could just be jumping off a rocky mountain and smiling anyway.

After the universe is restored, Steve is lost without any direction. Retiring from the Avengers, he moves across the country and ends up building a house by a misty blue lake. Across the bridge is Tony Stark’s new workshop.”

In the Stillness of Remembering by elise_509

“Steve Rogers is a reminder of a past that Tony Stark would rather forget. But when Steve’s own ghosts suddenly become the present, Tony finds he and Steve need each other to face the future.”

Good For You by orbingarrow

“Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.

The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.”

SERIES:

Pulse-Point by itsallAvengers

Guys and Bots by Annie D (scaramouche)

AUTHORS:

I love very deeply each author of the fics I’ve listed, but these are the main blogs I follow here on tumblr who regularly post 1K (more or less) words fic:

@omg-just-peachy

@no-gorms

@maguna-stxrk

@natasharxmanov

@s-horne

@firebrands

@iam93percentstardust

@anthonyed

@ad1thi

@littlemissstark

@chirriko

@tinytonysnark

(Plus self-spam: MrsWinterBreath , my own ao3 profile!)

Lastly, check @sabrecmcstonyficrecs blog by @sabrecmc who is not only an extremely talented writer themself, but also incredibly patient and kind enough to offer masterposts with fics about any Stony trope you could ever think of!!!

This is a non-exhaustive list because there are a LOT more authors out there that deserve their works to be read, so I suggest you giving it a chance even to fics and authors you’ve never heard of, you might find a masterpiece without even realising it!!!!

And most importantly: always leave a kudos and comment if you liked what you read, this way I guarantee you the authors will be more than happy to keep on providing you with amazing works!!!!

[luvreyn]

Manhwa List (2019) pt. 1

As a very picky reader, I shall recommend stories that grab my attention and captivated my heart and soulll!

Who Made Me A Princess 

Summary: 

The beautiful Athanasia was killed at the hands of her own biological father, Claude de Alger Obelia, the cold-blooded emperor! It’s just a silly bedtime story… until one woman wakes up to suddenly find she’s become that unfortunate princess! She needs a plan to survive her doomed fate, and time is running out. Will she go with Plan A, live as quietly as possible without being noticed by the infamous emperor? Plan B, collect enough money to escape the palace? Or will she be stuck with Plan C, sweet-talking her way into her father’s good graces?!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- i mean, who havent read this godsent golden story??? p.s you’re missing out if you havent

- PLOT: 100/5 yes i love this so much basically this is a story that i didnt even know i needed 

- ART STYLE = perfect for my taste so 100/5

- loveable characters like the MC (my bb athy deserves the world ok)

- developed/complex characters whose motivations and goals are seens

- CLAUDE IS THE DADDIEST AMONG THE DADDIES I SAID WHAT I SAID

- CLAUDE AND ATHY (their father-daughter moments are all precious they are the b e  s t)

- CLAUDE AND DIANA (i love that diana’s love for athy knows no bounds *cries in filipino* and that claude loves her too much they r pure golden couple)

- BASICALLY CLAUDE IS A STRONG FACTOR WHY I’M READING THIS

i mean c’mon???

- ATHANASIA DE ALGER OBELIA

- L U C A S 

- FELIX - who can resist this loyal knight of the crimson blood?

- L I L Y 

- CLAUDE DE ALGER OBELIA

- ana is hot even though he’s bad

- C L A U D E AND A T H A N A S I A 

Lady Baby

Summary:

Calliope has suffered through nature's law and many accidents. Her family was murdered and an ongoing war ended her life, but she traveled back in time to when she was born?! While Calliope slowly grows, will she be able to figure out who killed her family and stop them in time?

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- lippe basically returned to when she was a child to found out who killed her fam

- plot = 3/5 (it was interesting in the beginning but it’s dragging slowly for now so)

- art style - 4/5

- warning: the ml is not the brother’s bestfriend ok 

- ml is a cunning, handsome man who like appeared or was mentioned at the 30 or 40-ish chapters

- her brothers are hot 

- the whole fam adores my bb lippe

- the whole world a d o r e s my baby

- manipulative mc who uses her charm against her enemies? count me in 

- almost all the characters (except for the bad ones) are pleasing to the eyes

- the manhwa is light read so far with all of them adoring the queen lippie

- F A M I L Y M O M E N T S ARE GOLD 

The Fantasie of a Stepmother

Summary:

They called her the Iron Widow. When her husband died, he left her to manage not only his vast holdings but also his four children. Young and inexperienced, Shuri nonetheless tried her best to raise them, despite their bitter attitude towards her. She is finally free to live her own life as her eldest son marries... only to find herself mysteriously reset to seven years ago—the night of her husband's funeral. Can Shuri find happiness with this second chance at a new destiny?

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- SHULI

- plot = 5/5

- art style = 4.5/5

- JEREMY

- the whole fam dynamic is wonderful although i really thought that jeremy (blond hair) is ml but thank goodness (and poor my otp) he’s not

- THE TWINS

- the crown prince is quite the looker too

- basically shuli just wants to protect her precious little monsters so dont hurt them or she’ll kill you

- her little monsters are her best warriors too so dont try them

- BASICALLY JUST DONT TOUCH THEM OR I’LL SCREAM

Miss Not-So-Sidekick

Summary:

Hyejung loved to read to escape her daily stress. But that's before she woke up inside the bizarre world of her favorite novel! Instead of the main heroine who courts three eligible men, she is now Latte Ectrie - a minor villain that everyone hates?! One way or another, it's a chance to live out her most beloved storyline, with popcorn in hand to watch all the drama! Taking charge of the narrative takes on a whole new meaning!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- the best comedy/romance manhwa i’ve read so far

- plot is ok

- art style = tbh, i didn’t read it at first bcuz of the art style but i guess it grew on me

- their facial expressions are daebak

- ARWIN IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THE OTHER CHARACTERS SOMETIMES TBH

- no one’s funnier than latte

- light read so if you’re stressed about lyf and just want to laugh and be happy then read this

- arwin is beauty, arwin is grace, he will kill you with a smile on his face

The Flower That Was Bloomed by the Cloud

Summary:

Hong Lyon, a pitiful young princess with only a title, but no power nor authority, meets a young boy named Dowun who offers to help her become a true royal princess… but at what cost?

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- not your typical shoujo

- art style 3.5/5

- plot 6/5

- P O L I T I C S

- D O W U N (idk but i love cunning and manipulative mls)

- we dunno who the love interest is tbh

- BOW DOWN TO QUEEN H O N G  L Y O N

- she is beauty, she is grace, she is the one and only empress

- read if you like politics and history

- don’t read if you want romance because this is more than that

[bridgertonlife]

SECOND CHANCE

- A Multi Chaptered Pepperony Fanfic (WIP) -

Chapter 7. A New World

Rating: General Audiences

Pairing: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Genre: Fluff, Family, Domestic Bliss, Romance, Cute, Happy Ending, Parenthood

Summary: Tony Starks gets to live his life as Pepper Potts husband and Morgan Stark’s dad, with a happy ending.

“His time would be for his family from now on, but he wasn’t worried, at all. In case that a new threat would arrive in the future, a lot of new and young heroes like Peter, Shuri, Carol… Were more than ready to step up and take charge of the situation. Yes, he wasn’t needed anymore, and in a certain way, that was a blessing. After all, his job was done. Thanos, his nightmare for six years, was gone. The universe was safe at last, he’d made peace with his friends and with his own demons and he'd finally rest. He deserved this - the welcome feeling of tightly holding his beloved daughter in his arms. They'd earned it.”

READ ON AO3

A very special thank you to @notgonnabesubtle for being my awesome beta :)

To: @rebelmeg   @dreamer3196  @dixiehellcat   @pepperonystark3000​  @i-want-to-bethlieve​ and @top-dawg27 for believing in me.

[enchanted-lightning-aes]

Sense of Style

A/N: For today’s @flashfictionfridayofficial​‘s prompt. Despite my initial reservations for this prompt, I had an idea for it, anyway.

A ficlet with T’Challa, Shuri and Okoye from Marvel’s Black Panther, because there’s so little *platonic* fic with these three!

Also, am I projecting my feelings about menswear in here?? YES.

Word Count: 798

TW: None

***

A mirror reflects a convention design of a suit worn by a person, who stands before it. He adjusts his cuff links then collars of his shirt.

As he will attend a meeting in a rather affordable tailored tuxedo and tie, he decided to wear an outfit that won't draw much attention towards him. It might be bland, however, it might get the job done. It's a shame most of their suits tend to not be. . . innovate or stylish at all.

Well, the outside world does have it's narrowed and poor standards regarding on nearly everything, including fashion.

T'Challa's thought didn't usually go there. However tonight, he can't deny it. He likes to wear it on some amount of occasion yet it does get tedious. Yes, black is his favorite color, although it might be refreshing to dress in another color for a change.

Maybe violet, he thinks, smoothing his tie. He did admired that splendid color for a long time. He takes note of it if he does plan to wear it in another event.

A member of the Dora Milaje scoffs nearby at the hallway, tilting her head at him. He turns around to find one of his friends, pausing as she cackles.

"You're going to wear that to 'dress to impress' those people?" Okoye asks, scrunching her nose. "Oh, good Bast. Surely, you could have selected an outfit or anything better than this."

Okoye gestures at his tuxedo, her face twisting with contempt.

T'Challa arches a brow. "It's only for tonight's event. By tomorrow, you won't see me in this again."

"They have no sense of style in terms of fashion taste. Don't put yourself at their level, you're Majesty."

Offended, he mouth slacks and his jaw drops.

"Well, I can't. . . I can't look that terrible."

"Certainly not," Okoye replies with a hint of cheekiness.

T'Challa slightly rolls his eyes, folding his arms over his chest. Sometimes, his trusted friends go on a little too much on making jokes at his expense. However, it's all done in good nature. (At least, most of the time, he supposes.)

"You consider it to be unflattering for me?"

"No, but you don't deserve to look like an understatement either."

Oh, Bast. T'Challa crumples any impulse to toss his hands up. He tries to prevent it from counting one to fifteen.

"Hey, brother," Shuri calls from the door before he can even begin. "Do I hear you and Okoye discussing your trouble in choosing clothes for tonight? Again?"

"Don't you dare ruin my reputation in front of others," T'Challa warns weakly.

Instead, Okoye and Shuri burst into hearty laughs while shaking their heads in disagreement. T'Challa shakes his head, letting a long-suffering sigh out.

These two are already at it, roasting him with fondness and teasing. Nearly most of his closest allies in Wakanda tend to do this to him. Because of his status as royalty, a majority of the outside world treat him with formality.

"Please," Shuri replies, beaming. "You don't need my help for that."

Okoye tsks. "May Bast save us all."

"I can tell it's not that good of an outfit to wear," Shuri begins, her mouth twitching, "if you wish to be presentable."

"You have other options then, I take it?" T'Challa inquires, considering it to be a challenge.

"A certain beloved embroidered tunic," Shuri says easily as it it's a solution. She grins. "It's one of your best outfits, and it would be a travesty if you go in that."

Taken aback, T'Challa nearly staggers back at that suggestion. When he packed his clothes, he didn't put it alongside with those that he brought. He rubs his forehead in an effort to keep any pending headache at bay. Shuri and Okoye exchange a glance and stare back at him with matching flat expressions.

Well, they certainly aren't making fun for him for it. He doesn't take it for granted for they have spared him from it.

"Your Majesty," a person calls from the hallway. "You've got fifteen minutes left. You can't be late for this!"

Shuri grimaces, slowly shaking her head. "And getting an assistant isn't certainly necessary either. I don't see any point if you can do most things on your own. But I suppose arranging schedules and whatnot. . . could be boring."

T'Challa reaches for his tie and undoes it, ignoring his sister's words. Shuri pulls a face and Okoye regards him with apparent surprise. He only smiles.

"I suppose being fashionably late is a good excuse to delay," T'Challa says, shrugging out of his silk jacket. "I hope I have something else far more decent to wear."

Despite his initial doubts, he manages to find a better —with more design and flair—, leaving the hotel in a polished and debonair blue suit.

***

[buckyistired]

Why Bucky Barnes Isn’t Damaged Goods, Take Two

Since tumblr is a big ol butthead and ate my first post on the subject, and I apparently write essays on Bucky Barnes for fun, here is take two on why Bucky Barnes isn’t damaged goods. Why should I care enough to spend another several hours re-writing this? Because it is not ok to call survivors of traumatic events damaged. Period. End of story. It was a lousy choice of words that could easily be misinterpreted, and I would have been willing to leave it at that, if the writers and directors didn’t keep talking and digging that hole a little deeper. So...here we go. Again. I’m on my soapbox and the view is great.

In less than an hour of screen time over seven films, the Marvel Cinematic Universe gave us a complex, beloved character that walks the line between victim and villain with a murder-strut swagger. Bucky Barnes is as lonesome and dangerous as he is charming and sarcastic. Many fans have fallen in love or seen themselves reflected in Bucky’s trials and triumphs; he’s truly an awesome, multi-faceted character, but unfortunately, fans seem to be of the few who realize this.

Recent comments made by both MCU directors and writers regarding Bucky’s mental state have…bothered me and I thought, well, let’s examine the evidence that Bucky is damaged, shall we?

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional; I have PTSD and use these strategies myself, but nothing I’ve written should preclude you from seeking a professional opinion if you need it. Talking with a therapist about my PTSD helped me get light years ahead in terms of recovery. Whatever path you choose, take care of you.

What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it.

Does Bucky Barnes have PTSD?

By definition, Bucky has experienced or witnessed the following traumatic events:

WWII. Bucky served as an active soldier during WWII, in the trenches and on the battlefields. He was a distinguished sniper and a Sergeant, which means he witnessed and contributed to the war effort to an even further degree. Many soldiers had “battle fatigue” or “shell shock” during the war; it is not unlikely that Bucky would have experienced this from WWII alone if he had survived and returned home.

Prisoner of War. Bucky was captured and tortured as a prisoner of war, not once, but twice. He was experimented on in his time in Azzano, before he was captured again by Zola/Hydra.

The Fall. Bucky shouldn’t have survived the fall from the train in the Alps. He watched as Steve tried to save him and failed, and he was cognizant as he fell to his presumed death and as he was then captured.

Disability. As established in flashback scenes, Bucky was conscious when he fell from the train and as he was being pulled through the snow by his captors (who he may have assumed were saviors at that point, double ouch). He woke up to his arm being removed and replaced. This kind of permanent change to his body would be difficult enough to work through in a peaceful recovery environment. We know that Bucky didn’t get that luxury.

Hydra/The Winter Soldier decades. The cryochamber. Being strapped to a table and experimented on. The chair. Having no control over your own mind or body. Being forced to murder; being trapped in a continuous war. This torture lasted for 70 years.

Civil War. Free from Hydra, Bucky is trying to live the good life, keep his head down, and stay out of trouble. Then boom, he’s blamed for a bombing that kills how many people? And he’s right in the middle of Tony and Steve’s fallout? Oh, and he loses his arm, again? And then he willingly goes back into cryofreeze? Ok. That’s like 16 traumatic events in the space of 24-48 hours, also known as Bucky Barnes and the No Good Very Bad Day.

Battle Against Thanos and The Snapture, Part 1. Just as Bucky gets to the point where he’s living the good live and recovering from the trauma that has been pretty much his entire life, Thanos shows up, and Bucky is off to another battlefield. Then, he dies. Sort of. Again. How many times is this now?

Battle Against Thanos and The Snapture, Part 2. Bucky gets unsnapped and has approximately two seconds of “yay!” before he is again fighting on a battlefield for his life and the lives of those he cares about and oh, for the entire world.

A common thread here is that all of these traumatic experiences included a near brush with death or a near constant threat to his person. We don’t even really know the extent of the trauma Bucky endured when he was captured by Hydra. Regardless, I just listed eight different traumatic events that Bucky has experienced or witnessed. I think, yes, it’s safe to say that poor Bucky has PTSD, big-time.

So, is Bucky Barnes damaged?

No. Bucky Barnes is an individual who have survived more than his fair share of traumatic events, and as such, his brain has had to compensate for how he thinks, processes, and responds to stimuli. He does, at one point, suffer from literal brain damage from the chair, but we are shown in Black Panther that Shuri has healed the physical damage to his brain.

If Bucky experienced permanent damage from his trauma, he would be incapable of living his life. Literally. If he suffered from PTSD and did not actively try to take measures to cope with it, he would not be able to function; his brain wouldn’t let him. (In my opinion, he still would not be “damaged” because people with mental health issues are still people who deserve respect and shouldn’t be talked about like feral animals, but hey, moving past ableist language is apparently too much to ask and I digress).

Anyways, my point is that Bucky is not only aware of his condition, but actively takes steps to treat it, therefore, he cannot be of a damaged mind. And I’m gonna prove it.

Bucky Barnes: PTSD Symptoms and Coping Strategies

Bucky exhibits both positive and negative coping strategies throughout the films as his journey to recovery progresses, sometimes back to back, which is a great, realistic choice, because it shows that recovery is not linear.

Avoidance

Avoidance occurs when a person avoids thoughts or feelings about a traumatic event; it can interfere with emotional recovery and healing and is a common reaction to trauma.

The first step in treating any illness is recognizing the need for treatment. In Captain America: The First Avenger we see Bucky actively avoid recognizing his trauma after being rescued from Azzano. He’s putting on a strong face in the name of avoidance (“Let’s hear it for Captain America!”) but he’s also suffering.

Source: https://cogentranting.tumblr.com/post/174225812218/comic-bucky-phdna-bluandorange-edgebug

There’s an additional scene in this film that, while played for laughs and parallels between Bucky and Steve, has always meant more to me. When the Howlies are all gathered in a bar, drinking, laughing, and having a good time, Bucky is by himself in the back room (avoiding friends) where it’s quiet (avoiding loud disturbances that could rock him) and he can keep an eye on his surroundings (being overly alert). His uniform is disheveled and he’s lost that cocky Sergeant Barnes signature look. When Peggy walks in and completely ignores him, this is Bucky’s reaction:

Source: https://steviebarnes.tumblr.com/post/181821865007/steve-little-shit-rogers

I don’t think Bucky was exaggerating here. Everything he’s been through lately is a horrible dream. We don’t talk about this scene enough in terms of how it shows Bucky’s vulnerability; it’s really the first hint we have that Bucky has lost a part of himself during this war.

Engaging in Dangerous Behavior/Overworking

In Captain America: The First Avenger, we witness Bucky deploying a negative coping strategy for the first time: over dedication to his work that suggests he’s overcompensating as a way of avoiding thinking about his trauma. Engaging in reckless or dangerous behavior also is a symptom of PTSD. Bucky continuously experiences new stressful situations, which ultimately will extend his healing time. For example, he willingly goes on a mission to capture Zola, the man who strapped him to a lab table and pumped him full of knock-off super soldier serum. Seeing the doctor again would be enough to trigger Bucky into an episode but he goes anyways because his dedication to the mission is more important to him than his mental stability.

Source: https://n-barnes.tumblr.com/post/170542194046/bucky-with-the-guns

Now, this is still an active war zone. The necessity of the Howling Commando missions to win the war means that Bucky doesn’t really have time to process what’s happened to him; he’s incapable of coping in a healthy way at this point and charging forward, continuing to work, is the only way he knows how to survive.

Bucky has a bad habit of not avoiding his triggers when he feels the mission is more important than his mental health. A common theme throughout every film is that Bucky is put into one dangerous situation right after another, usually immediately following a five minute breather.

In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, we see glimpses of Bucky Winter being pulled in and out of cryofreeze, placed on mission after mission. The one time we begin to see that there’s more to Winter than they’d have us believe is when Bucky’s memories surface for a hot minute in the bank vault. He has about 30 seconds of downtime where he’s aware and then…wipe him. Back on the mission to kill Captain America. Everything about his time as the Winter Soldier was dangerous; it’s not like Hydra really cared about his physical or mental health. All those years of trauma and overworking probably crashed down on Bucky, hard, the moment he was in control of his own mind again and able to rest. And his brain was in physical shambles on top of it. Poor Bucky.

Source: https://mishasteaparty.tumblr.com/post/93678343244/prep-him

Similarly, in Captain America: Civil War, we get this amazing scene:

Source: https://mackievanstan.tumblr.com/post/176453875698/let-him-rest

And another in Avengers: Infinity War:

Source: https://mackievanstan.tumblr.com/post/176453875698/let-him-rest

Once again, Bucky keeps getting thrown back into the middle of a fight when he needs to be resting. This is a very, very bad idea. Super bad. Could really fuck with Bucky’s mental health permanently, bad. This is pretty much the definition of overworking to a detrimental degree.

But what I really love about his reactions in both of these scenes is that he knows exactly how poor of an idea it is. He knows continuing to fight isn’t good for him and he’s exhausted. He goes willingly anyways, but he has this amazing control over himself at this point. Every single fight could have Bucky experiencing an episode and losing himself to the trauma; he doesn’t. (To be fair, I think this is what the Russos were hinting at but they could have worded it so much better). Bucky could have walked away. He could have surrendered in Bucharest, he could have hidden in Wakanda. He fought anyways.

This shows just how complex Bucky’s PTSD really is and how well he’s coping with it: he’s engaging in dangerous behaviors which could trigger him, but he’s doing so with awareness and self-actualization. He’s got a handle on himself. These coping behaviors directly contradict the Russos’ statement that you “don’t want to give another weapon to that guy, it could end up being used the wrong way.” With the exception of being literally triggered with the Winter Soldier code words (which are no longer a threat because good job, Shuri), Bucky fights the good fight every single time. He doesn’t go rogue. He doesn’t lose himself.

Yeah, if that doesn’t make him a hero, I don’t know what further proof I can provide, because he does this in literally every single film.

Active Coping

Active coping means accepting the impact of trauma on your life, taking direct action to improve things, and creating habits that help you respond to everyday life in a positive manner. Avoiding triggers - people, places, anniversaries, or other reminders of the traumatic event - can be a healthy coping strategy.

The first time we see Bucky take a step toward positive active coping is in Captain America: The Winter Soldier:

Source: https://thatpleasantnightmare.tumblr.com/post/147118407198

Bucky just escaped being a prisoner, was injured in a gruesome fight with his best friend, and is now on the run. What’s one of the first things he does? Research. More than that, in this scene, Bucky is clean, in civilian clothing of his choosing, and appears to have treated his injuries from the fight on the carriers. His eyes are clear and although he is in a public (read: dangerous) setting, he’s aware of his surroundings, has a calm grip on reality, and is processing information. This is Bucky taking the first step to actively reclaiming his identity. This is when we see him begin to heal and he’s doing it on his own. He’s on step one of learning to actively cope: accepting the impact of the trauma on your life.

Bucky continues to exhibit positive coping strategies on his own as time moves forward, as we see in Captain America: Civil War. By the time we meet up with Bucky in Romania, he’s already taken direct action to improve his situation. When we first see Bucky, he’s at a local market, smiling and engaging in conversation with a vendor while he buys produce. He looks good; is physically fit, is practicing hygiene, and is in clean clothes that protect his identity.

Source: https://buckybgrnes.tumblr.com/post/174829011372

I love this scene and specifically the way Sebastian played it, because we see Bucky exhibit positive and negative coping strategies nearly back to back. As he’s trying for normal, he’s also hyper aware of his surroundings, unwilling to let his guard down. He’s scanning for anything that could trigger him or endanger his health, but he is aware. Staying alert and on guard is a classic symptom of PTSD.

Source: https://kittyseb.tumblr.com/post/144559460240/this-whole-scene-of-bucky-on-the-streets-of

However, we have to understand that Bucky’s situation requires this sort of hyper vigilance. He’s a wanted man, both by Hydra and the CIA, and he’s actively being hunted. So although Bucky is displaying a classic symptom of PTSD, what we see here is him deploying a positive strategy for coping. By staying aware to his surroundings, he’s protecting himself. This is opposite to the kind of harmful behavior we should expect from him at this point in his recovery. He’s by himself, without any support, and has to look over his shoulder every block to make sure that he’s safe. Extreme hyper vigilance would show being Bucky afraid to leave his apartment altogether. Again, while he is suffering and displaying symptoms of active post traumatic stress, he’s also actively coping by taking direct action to improve his circumstances and creating habits that improve his daily life.

Through the entirety of the Romania scene in Captain America: Civil War, we catch glimpses of other healthy habits and positive coping strategies Bucky has developed.

Practicing Mindfulness

One really great blink-and-you-miss-it detail from the film is the existence of Bucky’s journals. As Steve goes through Bucky’s stuff (really, Steve?), you see him pick up a journal from the top of Bucky’s fridge. Inside are notes, memories, and references, categorized and marked by tabs. This is one of my favorite examples of Bucky using another strategy for coping with PTSD: mindfulness.

Source: a shitty screenshot I took from the movie.

Mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Mindfulness may help people get back in touch with the present moment, as well as reduce the extent with which they feel controlled by unpleasant thoughts and memories.

This is an extremely positive practice for Bucky, because at this point in the films, he’s still suffering from brain damage and memory loss. We see several examples of Bucky shaking his head, blinking, and losing himself to possible memories throughout the films. Journaling, as a way to capture those memories, categorize them, and begin rebuilding a timeline of his life, can help Bucky identify his triggers, work through episodes, and ultimately distinguish between past memories and the present, enabling him to regain control of his mind.

Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

When Bucky appears on screen, we see that he’s physically fit and obviously taking care of himself. We can assume that during his time as the Winter Soldier, Hydra kept Bucky in peak physical condition in order to succeed in every mission. Whether that was through training, supplements, drugs, the super soldier serum, etc., we don’t know. We don’t see Bucky continuing this training, but we do see the results of it. He’s capable of fighting, obviously maintaining his strength, and he’s able to run away.

Source: https://captaincentenarian.tumblr.com/post/149852437382/bucky-running-majestic-hair-appreciation

We also witness Bucky making healthy choices in terms of food. He’s got energy/protein bars in his apartment, snacks readily available, pots and pans which would imply he has been cooking, and even a thermos to keep himself hydrated. He’s doing his best to maintain his physical health, which in and of itself is a very positive coping method. He could be depressed, lost in his own mind, never getting out of bed. But Bucky wants to survive, he wants to be better, and so he takes care of himself. This is a good thing.

If you haven’t seen it, please read this post about Bucky’s apartment, because it hits on so many great points about how Bucky is taking care of himself.

Recognizing and Avoiding Triggers

Now for as many positive steps Bucky has taken to actively cope with having PTSD, he’s got awful luck when it comes to avoiding his triggers. It’s two steps forward, one step back, every time.

At the beginning of Captain America: Civil War, Bucky is trying his damndest to avoid being caught. But stupid Zemo has other plans.

Look, it’s hard for me to describe what happens next in the film. The way that Sebastian played these scenes will never not give me chills. We get an up close and personal view of Bucky’s PTSD in ways we’ve only caught glimpses of up until now; I don’t know what Sebastian researched in order to create this performance, but it is so spot on that it’s difficult to watch. I wish he got more credit for his acting and it’s a damn waste that he only had 30 seconds of screen time in subsequent movies. *sigh*

Anyways...

We see the acceptance and the fear in Bucky’s eyes as the CIA takes him into custody. He’s maintaining his composure, more than he should be capable of doing at this point, and he’s also letting himself slip into a safe zone (“I don’t want to talk about it.”). Until Zemo begins reading the trigger words.

Source: https://cvssian.tumblr.com/

Good grief, y’all. Look at him struggling. Bucky literally tried to fight his way out of being triggered, but he failed. Every fear he’s had for the past several years is happening. He’s losing control of his mind, of everything he’s worked so hard for up to this point. I don’t want to look too far into this as a commentary on Bucky’s character, because I don’t think the writers meant for it to be the deep - it serves more as a plot point to get us to the war part of Civil War - but if you stop and examine it for just a second, this scene is an absolute outrage. I can’t believe this happened to Bucky’s mind. They turned him into a weapon, again. They stripped him of years of hard work and recovery.

Source: https://brolinjosh.tumblr.com/

Thankfully - thankfully - one quick hit to the head later, and Bucky’s back. Not only is he aware of his surroundings, he’s cognizant enough to try playing dumb to Sam and Steve at first. I like the conversation that takes place between Bucky and Steve here, because Bucky was smart enough to give Steve exactly what he needed to hear to prove that Bucky was no longer a threat. We don’t talk about Bucky’s raw intelligence enough, likely because we’re always talking about his grief, and this scene gives us one of the rare moments in the film where we get to witness Bucky strategizing. He was just triggered, his brain is mush, he just lost control of himself, and then immediately after, he’s back on mission. We’re back to avoidance/no time to process. Bucky tucks being triggered as Winter into his back pocket to be dealt with on another day.

Remember how I said Bucky keeps getting thrown into fights, one after another? Guess what.

Source: https://captaincentenarian.tumblr.com/post/149852437382/bucky-running-majestic-hair-appreciation

There are a lot of significant, interesting parallels happening between Captain America: The First Avenger and Captain America: Civil War. The plot goes like this: Bucky was captured and actively tortured; Steve rescued him; they have no time to discuss what’s just happened and deal with it; and then Bucky is forced into another fight before he’s ready.

We can draw a lot of comparisons between the Howlies and Team Cap here and I wish that they had made the effort to explore this more in the film. This is the first time Bucky and Steve are fighting on the same team again since the war. Bucky is following Steve’s lead, even though he doesn’t know the people he’s fighting with/against, and he’s doing it because it’s for the greater good. They have to stop the other winter soldiers; the mission always comes first.

The biggest difference between the two films - and Bucky’s current state of mind - is that in The First Avenger, Bucky was actively avoiding recognizing his trauma after very similar events occurred, and in Civil War, not only does Bucky acknowledge what happened to him, we get this very poignant scene that’s both beautiful and devastating:

Source: https://bifelicitys.tumblr.com/post/182734674220/what-you-did-all-those-years-it-wasnt-you-you

This is a healthy outlook of acceptance and Bucky arrived there with nearly no outside assistance up to this point. This man has been through hell and back in the past 24 hours, on top of a hundred years of tragedy, and instead of breaking down as any reasonable person would, he fights. He has a long way to go in his recovery, but look how far he’s gotten on his own. And this is before Shuri’s help. Bucky’s willpower, tenacity, and depth of character never ceases to amaze me.

This is especially true with what happens next. You know how I said Bucky has awful luck in avoiding his triggers? Well...does walking back into the base of your own free volition where you were held prisoner and tortured for decades, count as maybe, oh I dunno, an event that should be avoided at all costs?

I’m being sarcastic but the depth of this moment shouldn’t be overlooked. Bucky going back to Siberia after everything he’s been through is a huge step backwards for his recovery. Siberia is crawling with triggers, from the threat of the other soldiers, to the cryo chambers, to the chair that wiped his memories and turned him into the Winter Soldier. The amount of bravery it took for Bucky Barnes to walk back into this place can’t be measured. He’s looking his history dead in the eyes with a shaky finger on a trigger and the fact that he doesn’t crack is astounding.

But then...this happens.

Source: https://tonystark.co/post/165333715841/buckys-facial-expressions-as-tonys-watches-the

I can barely stand to watch this because we are seeing Bucky actively having a PTSD episode. As the tape plays, Bucky is dissociating; he’s not there in the room with Steve and Tony, he’s back on the country road where he killed the Starks. The fear and the tears in his eyes, the recognition of what’s playing on the tape, and the knowledge of what’s about to happen are too much. His reaction here shows that he’s barely in control. He immediately responds to Tony lunging at him by raising his gun, an instinctive response, only to lower his weapon seconds later because of the acceptance of what he’s done. This is brutal and heartbreaking and very real.

It gets worse.

Source: https://itsawkwardfanboi.tumblr.com/post/176703555531/breaks-my-heart-seeing-him-about-to-pass-out

Bucky snapped in desperation and we witness him lose control in his battle with PTSD. It is very common for fight or flight to kick in under extreme circumstances and pressure; Bucky tried to escape, to avoid this outcome, but he couldn’t. The only thing he had left was to fight. We see Bucky lose control, not as Tony is threatening him, but because Steve is threatened. Bucky was fighting Tony, not to harm him, but to stop him, and not to protect himself, but to protect Steve. It’s an entirely different fighting style than Winter; it’s meant to disarm, not to destroy. Even though Bucky just experienced multiple triggers and traumatic events in a short timeframe, even though he is smack dab right in the middle of a traumatic episode, he still only wants to stop the fight, not kill. This is another example of how the Russos’ comments were unfair and incorrect. Bucky doesn’t go on murderous rampages; he tries to do what’s right. And what happens to him because of it?

He loses. Every single time.

Source: https://marvelworlduniverse.tumblr.com/post/172306346232

I will never forgive the writers for making Bucky lose his arm twice. Bucky has a real disability and it has always bothered me that his arm is only ever discussed as a weapon. The trauma from losing his arm the first time was never properly dealt with and here we are again, recycling that awful, painful, horrible plot point. There comes a certain point where you’ve hurt the characters enough and it does nothing for their character development. The grief, pain, and acceptance we see in Bucky’s eyes as he’s lying there wrecks me. He didn’t need to experience this. He’s been through enough. I don’t know how he’s still physically alive or not mentally lost without hope of recovery. But he is. He gets back up. And you know what he does next?

He asks for help.

Asking for Support

An important part of recovery is having a team of people around you to support you when times are tough. It is amazing to me that Bucky got as far as he did in his recovery, finding positive coping strategies and habits on his own while on the run.

Source: https://juliastiles.tumblr.com/post/178049225734/captain-america-civil-war-2016-dir-anthony

The acknowledgement of Bucky’s trauma in this scene was poignant and bittersweet and I’m very glad they included it, although I feel Steve here. It was sad to see Bucky go back into cryo, but it was necessary until the triggers could be safely removed.

And they were. This is my biggest issue with what the Russos said - they seemed to have either forgotten or refused to acknowledge what happened in Black Panther, when Shuri successfully removed the triggers and healed Bucky’s brain damage (cough, I know which one I’m placing my bets on, cough). We don’t disrespect Shuri like that in this house.

Source: http://stevechoosesbucky.tumblr.com/post/173521604559

From this point forward, Bucky’s brain is no longer damaged. He is no longer experiencing memory loss, nor is he capable of being triggered into Winter Soldier mode. Yes, he still has PTSD. Yes, he will need to continue to work on his recovery, just like Steve, just like Sam. And he does.

Speaking of Sam, this tidbit from Avengers: Endgame is really satisfying.

Source: https://paper-storm.tumblr.com/post/184537376766/can-we-talk-for-a-second-about-how-bucky-was-a

This moment is important because it shows that 1) Bucky is still very vulnerable and dealing with a lot of grief; the last time he saw Tony wasn’t exactly on the best of terms and now Bucky can never make up for what he did, and 2) Sam is an invaluable person to have at your side and a very, very good friend.

It’s hard to tell where we will go from here in the series/the next round of films, but I have a suggestion for a direction: get Bucky back to his positive coping strategies. Such as...

Spending Time Outdoors/With Animals

Before the battle in Avengers: Infinity War, we catch up with Bucky doing something seemingly very out of character: farming. Look, my blog name is Bucky the Farmer, it should tell you all you need to know about how much this tickled me when I first saw it. But upon further reflection, I realized how important this activity actually is.

Source: https://steverogersnotebook.tumblr.com/post/179505503935/bucky-in-wakanda-initial-recovery-vs-settled

It’s been shown that spending time in nature and around animals can have positive soothing effects on people who are recovering from trauma. Have you ever gone on a nice walk after a bad day to calm your mind, or spent a few minutes petting a dog? Do you exercise as a form of stress relief? It’s the same thing.

But what we’re also seeing here is Bucky taking responsibility for living beings beyond himself. He’s also interacting with children, an innocent and safe way to re-socialize himself. At this point, Bucky is past the stages of recovery where he needs to avoid, acknowledge, or actively cope with his trauma. He’s healing. He’s moving forward and learning how to live again, not just surviving day by day.

What happens next?

Prior to The Snapture, Bucky’s life was in Wakanda. Avengers: Endgame left quite a few stones unturned when it comes to Bucky’s future; we know that he’s in New York, that he won’t carry the shield, and seemingly, he and Sam are friends. He might hang out with Old Steve every now and again, visit his home in Brooklyn, or get a few goats. Maybe he’ll go back to Wakanda. Maybe he’ll be a part of the Avengers. We don’t know what Bucky will do next.

Regardless as to what happens, Bucky is in a good place. He’s experienced loads of trauma, but the physical and mental effects have been treated. His brain is not damaged and he’s continuing to recover. And when he’s ready, which I believe will be sooner than we think, he’s going to kick utter ass.

Bucky is still one of the most badass characters to ever be created; he’s efficiently deadly, a skilled fighter, the world’s best assassin. Those skills haven’t disappeared because he’s now in control of himself (and, some of those skills he had before he was the Winter Soldier; they were what made him a prime candidate in the first place. Remember, the Winter Soldier was supposed to be an equal foe to Captain America).

But he’s also so much more. Bucky has chosen to be morally good. A man who knows he can be the deadliest person in the room but chooses not to be is powerful. Is this not a direct callback to Erskine’s conversation with Steve in The First Avenger? Remember, Captain America is not a perfect soldier. He is a good man.

Bucky Barnes is a good man, no matter what trauma he’s experienced. So is Sam Wilson.

I absolutely believe it was the right choice for Sam to take up the shield at this moment in time. Let’s just get that out of the way, no Sam hate here. But I have a problem with the idea that Bucky couldn’t take up the shield because “he’s damaged” and that’s why it went to Sam instead. The Russos’ statements were insulting to both characters. Sam didn’t get the shield because Bucky wasn’t ready to carry it; Sam got the shield because it was right and he earned it. Sam deserves to be Cap just as much as Bucky deserves to take a damn nap. They don’t need to knock Bucky down in order to lift Sam up. It was a deliberate choice of words and it was wrong.

On some level, I understand what the writers and directors were trying to say: Bucky simply isn’t ready. And yet, they continue to speak about Bucky as if he’s weak, a villain, and permanently broken; I don’t think they can truly grasp how much of a complex and compelling character he really is. They had years to prepare a wise, thoughtful answer to the question of Bucky’s future and instead, they spouted off some ableist bullshit. They could take this character that embodies so much of what’s good and evil, right and wrong, fearful and hopeful, and use him to speak to hundreds if not thousands of individuals about the importance of never giving up and letting yourself find peace. They do this perfectly with Steve (“I can do this all day”) and Sam (“Are you going to carry it in a big suitcase or little man-purse?”) but why not with Bucky?

We just don’t know. But Bucky Barnes surely deserves better.

Source: https://captain-flint.tumblr.com/post/184564356218/bucky-barnes-in-avengers-endgame-looking-like-a

Recovering from trauma is an ongoing, nonlinear process. All Marvel characters have gone through some form of traumatic events and recovery. Bucky has experienced more than his fair share, but he will always survive, because that’s what he does. Now, he has the opportunity to thrive, if only the writers and directors will let him.

Sources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/what/index.asp

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/selfhelp_coping.asp

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-symptoms-self-help-treatment.htm/

[sweeetmonstrosity]

music haunts his bedroom

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD, Mourning, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: In which Tony is gone, Bucky survives the snap and now he must learn how to live without his heart.

Word Count: 4305

Link: AO3

Square(s) filled: @marvelfluffbingo : I3 - Sleeping under the Stars; @buckybarnesbingo : Y4 – PTSD; @star-spangled-bingo : I3 - Huddling for Warmth

A/N: This wouldn't be here without the amazing thattardiskey who Beta'd it and put up with all my questions. 💕 --Sections of Italics are memories.

It’s been five days since the snap.

Five days since Bucky has put on the metal arm that signifies a fight is about to happen. Five days since he’s heard Sam’s smart-ass comments about him being old. Five days that Shuri hasn’t helped him understand that he’s completely healed from what HYDRA did to his head. Five days since his little angel has gotten to feel her papa tuck her in and kiss her goodnight.   

Five days since he’s seen the love of his life, Anthony Edward Stark.

It wasn’t until two days after being taken back to Stark Tower with his angel when Pepper and Rhodey had pulled him aside and told him the words that made his heart drop into his stomach.

Pepper grabbed his hand and squeezed tightly. “James, no one has heard from Tony since before the snap happened. We don- we don’t know what happened to him.” Pepper’s voice cracked when she broke the news. Rhodey gripped his shoulder and continued where Pepper left of off, but Bucky didn’t hear a thing. Everything sounded far away and staticky, he felt his world begin to collapse, but he had to hold some part of it together for his angel.

These past five days had been terrible with the not knowing whether Tony was snapped away like half the world was, dead somewhere on another planet or stuck up in space with no way to contact anyone. Bucky had to believe his love was alive, or it would take the little bit of soul he had left.

“Daddy, I want papa and horsie, pease!” Bucky’s angel cheerfully asked as she skipped into the bedroom. Pulling his angel into his lap, he began telling her the fabricated story of how her fathers had met.

Living in memories was one of the ways Bucky was coping – and now that it was less than two weeks away from their anniversary of officially getting together, Bucky had begun reliving their first times.

~~~~~~~

The first time Tony ever went to Wakanda to “have a talk” with Bucky, was on the thirteenth of February. It was the first time they would see the other since the fight in Siberia where Bucky had just lost his arm for the second time and was still processing the feelings that came with losing an arm and Tony was almost killed by the hands of a friend that held the shield Tony’s own father created. So, when Tony showed up at his little farm, it wasn’t a friendly visit. But walking into Bucky’s little hut to see him sitting execution style in the middle of the room, it hurt Tony’s heart. It was like Bucky was expecting nothing less than him dying on that day. Seeing Bucky down on his knees, mumbling to himself that he deserved it, that he didn’t blame Tony for needing to do this and that he was forgiven, shocked him to his core.

Tony tried to hold on to his anger the best he could, tried to keep the images of this man – no, of this  thing  – killing his parents, murdering his mother just because she was in the car. But the second he placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, to have  this thing  face him when Tony gets his revenge, he felt Bucky’s entire body go slack.

That was the straw that broke Tony’s back.

If this man  was  a cold-blooded murder like Tony has been picturing in his head for months, then wouldn’t he be at least putting up a fight to explain himself?  That’s  what was fucking with his head so much. This guy, who killed his parents and probably hundreds of other innocents over the past 70 years, was just giving in to his death without trying to explain away like Rogers did for him.

So, running off gut instinct, Tony squeezed Bucky’s shoulder and sits next to him while demanding an explanation. Which is precisely what Bucky does and they spend the entirety of the night talking about both of their lives and all the bad shit they’ve gone through along with all the good things in their lives.

Early the next morning, Tony gave Bucky an untraceable phone and promised to call him the second he could once he returned to Stark Industries – and he did. From that point on it became a very beloved habit to both men.

~~~~~~~

It was hard that first night after he had dreamt Tony had showed up in Wakanda. He felt like he didn’t have anyone to lean on since it was just always the two of them after Tony came to Wakanda the first time. He knew he had said goodbye to friends and family before, but with the conditioning HYDRA had put him through, mourning had become like a distant memory — he didn’t remember the true meaning of loss.  He  was always the one that died,it was never his problem and now he realizes he never wants to be in this position ever again.

Now that Bucky didn’t have his rock next to him, how was he supposed to mourn his new friends? How in the hell was he supposed to mourn the love of his life?

He didn’t have Shuri or Sam anymore, Steve had become a shell of his former self. He was alone on his side of the fence. After the fight in Siberia, he knew Tony had Rhodey and Pepper to always lean on and now we they had each other to hold on to through these times of not knowing. There was no way he could possibly go to them to help him get through this because they probably wanted Bucky dead since he was the reason Tony almost died in Siberia.

During the nightly dinners that were still set up, courtesy of Tony, Bucky tried to make amends with his love’s two best friends. He tried to apologize for what happened in Siberia, for killing Tony’s parents, for all of the things he’s done to hurt Tony — knowingly or unknowingly — but they never fully forgave him. That didn’t mean Bucky wouldn’t sit near them at the dinner table to feel the pieces of Tony they had in them, or that he would occasionally brush against them when walking down the hallway to get that same shock power his love used to give off. But he knew it wasn’t enough to fill even the smallest corner of his heart.

With all this running through his mind, Bucky knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.

“You’re not sleepy anymore, daddy? Did you have a bad dream?” He heard his angel’s soft voice melt from the darkness. “That’s okay, we can go look at the pretty night lights like we did with papa after I had bad dreams.”

So, with his angel by his side, he decided to go outside and look at the night sky – something he and Tony would do in Wakanda every time he came to visit and he had nightmares from his winter soldier days.

~~~~~~~

Every time Tony showed up, they spent the day together inside, wrapped up in each other’s arms. But near the end of the night he would drag Bucky outside to stare up at the clear Wakandan skies. Just holding each other, and little mentions of the future together while looking at the night sky would help center them both. Tony wanted Bucky to enjoy the small things like how visible the stars were or how relaxing the quiet could be — even if there was something bad waiting around the corner. He knew Bucky needed to feel safe no matter where they went, and he wanted the night sky to be one of those safe places.

Some nights, Tony would anticipate Bucky having a nightmare or a hard time dealing with his PTSD and would set up a small area to lay with his soldier under the stars, watching the world slowly turn. Some days days were easy to recover from and others took longer to get through to Bucky and let him know he was safe – especially when Tony had a busy day as Iron Man or dealing with SI problems.

Tony would allow him to lay his head in his lap to allow Bucky to feel both his two safest places at the same time — of being in Tony’s arms and safe underneath the night sky and bright starts. Bucky would feel his body relax as Tony ran his fingers along Bucky’s flesh arm to help ease the tense muscles. Fingers running through his hair, love around him and the stars watching over them both would let Bucky relax fully. He would relax completely, knowing there wasn’t a dangerous fight coming, or that there is someone hunting either one of them down to kill or hold captive.

There were many nights that Bucky and Tony were allowed a break from their past traumas and their future problems to be able to sleep under the stars that kept them safe.

With knowing there isn’t something bad waiting for him or his Love, it will always be hard to actually believe it. So the times in which their safe bubble was first created, it was a very much need peace of mind .

~~~~~~~

It’s been two years since the snap. Two years since Bucky has felt Tony wrap him up in his arms. Two years since he’s felt his love’s lips connect with his own. Two years since he’s seen the sparkle in his angel’s eyes. Two years since he’s felt the warmth and light Tony brought to his soul.

On the good days, Bucky stood outside for hours talking to his love. He would tell Tony how he’s not doing so well without him, how much their angel misses her papa, how quiet it’s been without his voice always in his ear. How cold it was without his love wrapped around him like he always was, or how lonely he felt.

On the bad days, Bucky would go outside in the pouring down rain, he’d even go stand outside in the middle of a snow blizzard. Those were the days Bucky would yell, scream as loud as possible and beg for someone – beg for anyone who was listening — to let him trade places with Tony. He would beg for hours because he is the one who has done the terrible things that deserve the possibility of isolation or death.  He was the one who has murdered for years and got away with it, he’s the one who has killed innocent people without thinking twice and he’s the one who deserves to suffer.

“Daddy! Stop! Please! I’m begging you, please!” His angel was crying out in glee as Bucky continued to tickle her.

But once his mind had registered what his angel was crying out — whether it was with glee or not — it began to remind him of the day when he knew Tony deserved to know his demons and everything he remembered during his time as the Winter Soldier.

~~~~~~~

It was about six months into their relationship when Bucky started becoming a little distant with Tony.

He wouldn’t answer his phone calls right away and when he finally did answer, he kept his answers short and simple. When Tony came to Wakanda, Bucky would flinch when he was touched and hoped Tony never noticed – but of course his love picked up on it.

He knew Tony would figure it out, he just hoped it would be later rather than sooner.

His love had cornered him inside his little hut. There was space where Bucky could run, but he knew this conversation was bound to happen and decided it was going to be harder to do later. Bucky tried to stay strong, tried so hard to keep his demons to himself because he didn’t want his love to be disgusted with him. He needed to keep all things he remembered about his time with HYDRA to himself, no one needed to know the horrors he was a part of.

Bucky didn’t want taint his stars or his love with his darkness, so he tried his best to stay away from them so they could continue to bloom in the sun.

But of course, he would fall in love with a man just as stubborn as him and he wouldn’t give up until Bucky explained what had him pulling back. He had never seen his love pleading like this. He could hear the cracks in his voice when he asked if it was him, if he caused Bucky to pull back, if he finally realized he was better off without a Stark chaining him to the ground. And that is what broke Bucky.

Bucky fell into his love’s arms and cried his heart out. He tried his best to explain how his nightmares have returned and so have some of the memories. How when he wakes up after nightmares it's almost like he could still feel the evil in him, swirling around, trying to find some part of him to latch on to again. How his worst nightmare and his biggest fear is that evil taking root inside his soul again but instead of going after innocents or anyone of importance to the world, the Winter Soldier would go after Tony, Sam, Steve and the rest of the team, and he wouldn’t stop until he had ended the entirety of the Avengers.

His love held him and whispered that Winter was gone. He wasn’t ever coming back because Shuri had helped take that evil out. Tony stayed with him for an entire week and helped piece his soldier back together, to show Bucky that nothing he ever said could make him run. The only place he would be running is straight into his soldier’s arms or right past him to protect him from any harm. That week, although it started out terribly, ended in a way neither of them expected.

That was when their first “I love you” was said to each other.

~~~~~~~

It was two years and seven months, that every night Bucky goes into Tony’s bedroom and breaks apart. Two years and seven months that both Rhodey and Pepper piece him back together to the best of their ability until Tony comes back home – if  Tony comes home. When they aren’t in the room with Bucky, FRIDAY keeps them updated on how bad it is the nights Bucky goes silent. Those silent nights are the ones where Pepper and Rhodey must ground him by reminding him he’s got an angel that is counting on him. An angel that needs him whole.

The silent nights are when he mourns his love. Those nights come after days that he could see the sadness in his angel, of not having her papa around. Yelling at the sky that Tony deserves to be here with his family while Bucky is the one who deserves to be stranded on a planet or snapped into dust. He deserved all the bad things that would rip out someone’s soul. His love deserved nothing but the best.

The loud nights are when he fights to believe his love is still out there. But no matter the type of night Bucky is having, no matter what he says to himself in the privacy of his own room or anywhere in the tower – Tony hears it all.

**

Over two years’ worth of recordings FRIDAY has been sending to Tony’s suit to let him see how his loved ones are doing — rather than keeping them in a secured file like Ms. Potts asked because Rhodey believes if Tony is alive somewhere, he’d work harder knowing his partner and little girl needed him.

Tony hears absolutely everything. He hears when Bucky is begging someone to let him take Tony’s place, he hears all the memories Bucky relives on the good and the bad days. He hears how broken his soldier is, Tony can feel the pieces of his Bucky breaking every single day he’s not there. He can hear how Pepper and Rhodey try to take care of his soldier for him and how they cling to each other to stay afloat because Bucky needs them more than over.

Over two years of not being able to give Bucky responses because he’s been breaking apart his suit to find a way to help get him home. Two years of witnessing his soldier’s heart in a constant state of heartbreak. Over two years of agony of not having a way to tell Bucky what happened. To let anyone know and to let his soldier know that he’s okay, he’s as safe as he can be and he’s doing all he can.

He needed someone to scream it from the rooftops for him. Bucky needs to know that Tony’s coming home to his soldier.

**

It’s been over two years that Bucky has held on to this ring. The ring that he had gotten to propose to his love. Two years that Bucky has been rewriting his vows to Tony. He’s done it over a hundred times and after every version he reads them out to the sky to see how Tony feels about it. Waiting for a sign to say, “it’s perfect soldier”, but that never happens. The sign never comes so Bucky just keeps rewriting until the vows are perfect – are worthy enough – to be heard by Tony Stark.

“That sounds perfect, daddy! Papa will love it, I know he will!” His little angel happily chirped out as Bucky finishes his one hundred and seventy-third reading.

Bucky doesn’t say anything as he pulls his little angel into his arms, he just shakes his head because he doesn’t feel like he would be or have anything worthy enough for his love, but Bucky would absolutely die trying to prove himself.

~~~~~~~

It was finally the day.

The day in which James Buchanan Barnes was going to ask the love of his life, Anthony Edward Stark to marry him.

Everything was planned out with the help of Shuri, there was a table set up in the Royal Palace for dinner, but before that, Shuri had helped orchestrate a path that feature the best views Wakanda has to offer. That’s all Bucky needed, he didn’t need to do anything fancy or go all out with proposing, since the beginning it was always just him and Tony. There wasn’t any need to bring all these strangers in for their intimate moment.

Tony always came around the same time, he never came later than an hour past the usual time of 11 in the morning.

So when it was a little after one in the afternoon he started to get nervous that his love hadn’t arrived yet. But Bucky was always nervous that Tony would wake up and realize he deserved so much better than a brain-washed former assassin who was ordered to kill his parents. And Bucky truly believed Tony deserved better than him. But he knew, he  knew  Tony wouldn’t just abandon him, that didn’t help curb the feeling that he wasn’t ever going to see his love again.

It was five hours past the time Tony usually showed up and Bucky was on the edge of full-blown panicking, but that’s when the jet finally came through the barrier. Bucky walked towards where it was landing, and he could feel his heartbeat pick up tremendously. But the second he saw his best friend step out, he knew his fear of never seeing his love again was turning into reality.

The fight to save the universe. The biggest fight to date, the only fight the team willingly let Bucky fight beside them. The fight he knew would end in heartbreak.

And he was right.

~~~~~~~

It was coming up on five years without his love, and the days never got easier to get through. Nothing ever changed, he still talked to Tony every night, still told his angel stories of her papa Tee, still cried some nights in Tony’s bedroom. Most importantly, he never gave up hope that someday Tony would come back from wherever he was - the snap or otherwise.

The nine year anniversary of the day they got together, and the sixth birthday of his little angel was coming up tomorrow and there were a lot of feelings going through Bucky that he couldn’t explain.

Once it hit midnight and became the thirteenth of February, Bucky walked outside to talk to his love. He had his three-hundredth rewrite of his wedding vows for Tony and had decided months --  no, years ago  -- that this would be the night he married the love of his life, whether Tony was back or not. His angel was right by his side because they were going to sleep under the stars tonight to be closer to their missing piece. She was squeezing Bucky’s hand as tightly as she could, trying her best to give her daddy all the strength she could and she stood the tallest she could just like papa always told her too.

They walked over to the blankets laid out to sleep on and Bucky had to gaze up at his stars to center himself before he began reading his vows to his husband-to-be.

As he was reading, he could feel his face becoming wet and his angel had began hiccoughing out sobs the more Bucky read to the stars. He could hear his angel whisper out her agreements to his vows, hoping that would help bring her papa home. It was almost two hours later when Bucky’s vows were finally coming to a close, he was trying to pull himself back together as he stood back up to grab the lantern that held the first version of Tony’s ring.

As he started to light it up, his angel spoke out with her raspy voice, “daddy, can I hold it before you let it go, so papa has a piece of me too?” Bucky’s heart broke a little more at the expression on his angel’s face and he handed it to her before looking back up to the night sky.

Focusing on how the stars looked brighter tonight, Bucky wasn’t sure if he heard his angel gasp or if it was his mind playing tricks on him, so he brushed it off for the time being. He felt her grab his hand and glanced down at his angel who had a twinkle in her eyes again, for the first time since Tony disappeared.

“Let’s finish this, daddy, together.” She smiled so sweetly as she waited for him to say his final words of the night.

“With this ring, Anthony Edward Stark, I am yours like you’ll forever be mine. My heart belongs to you, my soul is yours to keep, my stars are yours to gaze at, and my angel is your guidance. You were and always will be the first person I run too, you will always be the one look to when I need advice to raise our girl, you will forever be the one who I count on. You are worthy of the family you have with us, with Rhodey and Pepper and the team. You deserve every good thing that has ever happened to you. You are perfect, my love, and now, you are my husband as I am yours.”

Bucky lets go of the lantern and waits for it to rise to the stars, but when it doesn’t he turns to where his angel was and finds her missing too. It makes a surge of panic go through him as he spins around to find no one in the backyard with him.

He begins walking back to where their blankets still lay and when he glances up to the empty field and he drops to his knees. Hands clutched to his chest, breathing erratic, tears streaming down his face -- he’s breaking down and becoming a complete mess.

Because in the middle of that empty field, is now husband, Anthony Edward Stark, with the biggest grin on his face.

“That was perfect, soldier. Perfect just like you are, baby.” Tony whispers out once he has placed himself right in front of his sweetheart. Bucky is still speechless, tears are still streaming down his face, but he is now clinging onto any part of his love he can get his hands on mumbling things at one hundred miles per hour.

Helping Bucky stand up, Tony guides him to sit back on the pile of blankets right next to the tree where their little girl is practically vibrating as she waits for them. The second she sees Tony she curls around his back and whispers, “here is your ring papa, daddy was gonna send it to you but I saw you come back.”

Tony kisses her forehead and wraps his arms around both her and Bucky whispering in their ears that he’s sorry he’s been gone so long, he’s sorry couldn’t get home sooner, and he’s so sorry that he broke the hearts of his babies. For hours, they sit there, wrapped up together, healing the broken cracks they have all sustained over the five years they were apart. They stay like that all night long, it’s only about six in the morning as the sky is just starting to lighten up and their stars are disappearing, that they finally drift off to sleep, their girl having knocked out shortly after the cuddlefest.

The last words said on that early morning as they slipped into the best sleep either of them has had in over five years, was the first “I love you” said as fiancé's. 

[ajnerdess]

An Unexpected Surprise (Loki oneshot)

So, sadly, I don’t have the time to write a whole sequel to my full length fanfic, Loki’s Beloved, but since Endgame I have been mulling over ideas as to how a sequel would map out. I had this idea of Daya, my OC who is Loki’s wife finding out she’s pregnant after Loki’s death and how she would deal with that. So I wrote a little oneshot for it, angst and fluff ahead readers….

Steve waited for Bruce as he emerged from Shuri’s lab. He had caught sight of Daya practically running out of the lab. She hadn’t spoken since Loki’s death. Not a word, not to anyone, not even Thor who was also grieving over his brother’s death. Steve had done everything, brought her food, tried to comfort her, tried to make jokes. That had massively backfired, Daya had simply started crying the second the punchline left his mouth. She looked more upset than usual as she left the lab.

The captain stopped Banner.

“Bruce what is it? What’s happened?”

The scientist wiped his glasses before looking up at Steve. “It’s Daya, she’s pregnant.”

Steve widened his eyes in surprise. “You’re sure?”

Banner nodded. “Sure as anything Steve.”

The captain patted his back. “I gotta go see if she’s ok.”

Steve asked around to find out where Daya was, Wakanda was huge, she could be anywhere. Then he realised, if he were in her position, he would have gone to the quietest, most peaceful place there.

Outside, around the back of the palace was Daya, sat at the cliff’s edge, overlooking the waterfalls in the distance.

He approached her slowly, sitting down next to her without saying a word. She didn’t need his words right now, she just needed to know she wasn’t alone.

They sat there for an hour in silence, before Daya finally broke her silence.

“I have been going over and over in my head since he died to work out why I’m still alive. Asgardians are different to midgardians. In some cases, when we find our soulmates, our souls truly join, meaning when one dies, so does the other. Needless to say when Loki died and I still drew breath, I was confused, hurt, angry even. I started to wonder why, why fate was so cruel to keep me alive when my husband, the love of my life had moved on to Valhalla without me. I’ve felt guilty, for somehow thinking I don’t love him as much as I should. But now, now it makes sense.”

Steve listened to her as she spoke, before nodding in agreement. “Well, it’s a good thing then right, you’re still here for a reason. Loki gave you one last gift before he died, he’ll live on through this baby.”

Daya’s tears fell as she stared down at the ground. “Does it not seem cruel to you Steve? I was told for years that I could not bare children, Loki and I, we tried for years and nothing. And now, now he’s dead, now he can’t be here for me, now he can’t watch his own child grow, now he can’t be here to raise it with me, now I fall pregnant.”

Steve moved closer to Daya. “I know it doesn’t make sense now but maybe this is for a reason Daya. Maybe Loki knew Thanos would come, maybe he knew he would die, I’ve no doubt he did it for a good reason. Maybe he was powerless to stop his own death but this, this baby is the last gift he could give you, the reason for you to keep going on.”

Daya leaned against his shoulder as she cried and Steve wrapped an arm around her to comfort her as her tears fell.

 Six Months Later

Daya stretched out in bed as she tried to get comfortable. Since the snap and killing Thanos, Steve had been kind enough to let Daya stay with him.

As she lay in bed, trying to get to sleep, she stroked her stomach gently. The one thing she was grateful for was that the baby growing inside of her was safe, healthy and seemingly constantly kicking. Finally, after much discomfort and tossing and turning, Daya found sleep, and as she slept she dreamt…..

“And just when I thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful.”

Daya knew that voice, and yet, she refused to open her eyes.

“This is a dream.”

The voice drew closer. “Yes, perhaps, but it’s a good dream I promise.”

Daya opened her eyes and saw the most wonderful sight she had ever seen, Loki sat on the bed, smiling down at her.

Tears formed in her eyes as she looked up at him. “I don’t like dreams, I have to wake from them. And when I wake you aren’t there.”

Loki shook his head as he stroked her hair gently. “Shh darling, enjoy this dream, I’m here now.”

“Am I truly just dreaming this, or have you somehow managed to convince the guardians of Valhalla to let you return to me for a while?”

Loki smirked, tracing his hand over her collarbone softly. “It’s both a dream and a little use of my silvertongue in Valhalla to persuade the guardians to allow me a temporary crossover into this realm.”

Daya took one of his hands in her own and entwined her fingers through his. “Can’t you just crossover permanently?”

Loki shot Daya a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry my love, that’s not how it works.”

The trickster God noted her sad expression and leaned down to kiss her head softly. “Do not be sad my love, now is not the time to grieve my loss.”

His hands found Daya’s baby bump and he stroked her stomach softly, looking down adoringly at the bump.

Daya smiled as tears welled in her eyes. “He grows strong every day. He kicks, and rolls, he’s mischievous just like his father.”

Loki’s eyes filled to the brim with pride and he looked up at Daya with a grin on his face. “A boy? We’re having a boy?”

Daya nodded, meeting his grin. “Yes, I was going to wait for it to be surprised but then I wanted to be prepared, what with clothes and such.”

Loki’s own eyes filled with tears as he grinned down at Daya, running his hand over her stomach more.

“A son, we are having a son.”

Daya could have cried at his reaction alone. She had dreamt of the day she could tell Loki she was carrying his child, even after being told she couldn’t have children the scenario still played out in her mind. His response was exactly how she imagined it would be, he was excited, joyful and the most important thing of all, there for her. Loki leaned down to kiss her. The kiss felt so real, as if he were truly there with her. He was gentle and slow, as if kissing her would somehow disrupt the baby’s peace.

“Can I speak to him?” Loki asked after breaking the kiss.

You nodded.

The God of mischief leaned down to address the baby.

“Hello little one. It’s your father here, I’m sorry I can’t be there to meet you when you finally bless this world with your presence. I’ve no doubt you will be the most beautiful babe in the world with this goddess as your mother. I want you to know that I wish I was there to see you grow more than anything else in the entire universe, in any universe. I want to see you learn and laugh and love, I died to try and take Thanos’ focus off you and your mother, it was never my desire to leave your beautiful mother to raise you without me, I hope one day you come to understand that and don’t hate me for not being there.”

Daya reached out to stroke his hair at that, not wanting Loki to feel guilty about anything.

“I love you little one, I always will. When you are old enough, I want you to take good care of your mother, just as I’m sure your mother will take perfect care of you while you are young. Be safe, be strong, learn from your mistakes, learn better from your mistakes more than I did, that’s for sure. Remember that life is beautiful, and there are people around you that love you, again, another fact that often escaped me during my time alive. You are deserving of being happy and loved, accept the love and happiness that you are blessed with and when you are older, I truly hope you find someone who loves you as unconditionally as your mother loved me.”

Loki kissed Daya’s stomach and the baby kicked, causing Loki to look up at Daya excitedly.

“He heard you my love” she said as Loki kissed her stomach once more, before leaning up to kiss Daya’s lips gently.

“Loves you.”

Loki stared at his wife in confusion.

“You said loved you, I love you, it isn’t past tense” she answered.

He smiled as he kissed her forehead. “My apologies my love.”

“You said you sacrificed yourself for me and the baby? You knew I was pregnant when you died?”

Loki paused as he stroked her hair gently. “I sensed my end was close, just as Odin sensed his own demise. I didn’t want to worry you, besides, there was no way around it, we were trapped on a ship, Thanos found us.”

Daya shook her head. “You should have told me, we might have changed course, we might have escaped Thanos, you could have not antagonised him by trying to stab him.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And risked him hurting you and the baby? No, my darling, I would never allow such a thing, no matter what the cost was.”

Daya stroked his cheek gently as her tears fell. He quickly wiped her tears away, his fingertips lingering on her face.

“You are staying with the soldier?”

Daya shook her head. “Loki it isn’t like that, we are just friends.”

Loki ran a thumb over her lower lip gently. “Shh, I’m not angry my love, you deserve to be happy. The soldier has always vied for you affections, perhaps you should let him make you happy.”

“You make me happy Loki.”

“I know. I know my love, but in my absence, the soldier is a good man, let him be there for you. I have to leave soon my darling.”

Daya clung to his hand suddenly. “No please, please don’t go Loki, please don’t leave me again. I don’t want to wake up alone, I don’t want to be without you.”

Loki stroked her stomach, worried the panic would affect the baby, he gently shushed her as he comforted her.

“It’s alright my love, you’ll be alright, I promise you, you’ll be fine.”

As soon as Daya’s tears fell, Loki wiped them away. He comforted her until her tears ceased.

“Please Loki, at least stay until I fall asleep, I can’t watch you leave, I can’t say goodbye again” she whispered.

He nodded and nestled in close to her, wrapping her arms around her and the baby bump and kissing her neck gently until exhaustion took over and she fell asleep in his arms.

 Three months later

“Steve, I can’t do this!”

Steve Rogers held Daya’s hand as she cried out in pain.

“Daya it’s ok, you can do this sweetheart, you have this, come on, just one last push” he told her as the nurses stood by and encouraged Daya to finish pushing.

Daya squeezed his hand as she screamed out for one final push.

She was met with the cries of a baby, causing her head to fall back on the pillow momentarily in relief.

As the nurses cut the umbilical cord of her baby, she looked up.

“Where is he? Is he safe? Is he alright?”

The nurses turned with her baby wrapped up in blankets, they handed her the baby and Daya’s heart almost burst at the sight.

There he was, hers and Loki’s son, black hair and blue eyes just like his father. He was beautiful, and he instantly looked up at Daya and babbled happily in her presence.

“Oh, he’s so beautiful, hi, hello there little one” she breathed, smiling down at her baby boy. She looked up at Steve, who was beaming down at them both.

“Good job sweetheart, he’s adorable. Good job” the soldier smiled down at her.

One of the nurses looked over. “Do you have a name yet? It’s not a problem if not, some parents take weeks to decide.”

Daya smiled down at her happy baby.

“His name is Nari. It was Loki’s idea, from the first day we were married, that was his idea.”

She looked up at Steve to gauge his reaction to her son’s name.

The soldier smiled as Nari gripped Daya’s finger, holding it gently. “Nari, I like it.”

Daya grinned down at the baby, and she hoped somewhere, Loki was smiling down at him too.

 Nari is actually the name of Loki and Sigyn’s son in Norse Mythology, so that’s where I got the inspo from. Yes I toyed with the idea of her calling the baby Loki, but then I thought, bit weird, looking at your baby and always associating it with your dead hubby, especially when the baby was always meant to look very much like his father. Hope you guys enjoyed!

[kurtty-drabbles]

Blood Path au (come true)

N/A: I didn´t like the other chapter but it was a door to make something better, I hope. So, let´s see what I can do here.

@djinmer4 @sailorstar9 @dannybagpipesarecalling @discordsworld @look-ma-no-hands336 @bamfoftheundead

Seir is not one to play fair, so, this means he is always looking for the weak link and his beloved twin has more than a few weak points. His ego and temper make him an easier target to Seir´s plans, so, of course, when Ariel stops Kurt Darkholme from killing him the demon knows how this order would be ignored if it wasn´t by a magical contract.

Kitty Pryde aka Ariel has a round face, doe eyes and is a petit, and Seir can´t ignore the muscles. This woman fought against Apocalypse and this was a feature that even Azazel was impressed.

She made a good candidate.

Kurt Darkholme seems to have guessed what Seir is thinking and uses his tail to choke his twin with that grimace on his face. "Still a leech, dear brother? That is still one of your worst qualities" Kurt Darkholme said and Seir smiles at how bloodthirsty Darkholme can be.

"Kurt, stop!"  Ariel said and once again Kurt complies letting Sier´s breath regulates. "He´s tied up and weak now, you don´t need to kill him, in fact, I would prefer you don´t kill him as he can tell more about who summon you" Kitty speaks in a firm tone.

Seir smiles as he can see how Kurt wants to disobey, in fact, Kurt Darkholme is not happy with this at all. "You, X-men, think can solve everything with peace and talk? This vermin deserves to die as all of his kind"

"Excuse me, but I would rather solve my problems with talk than violence, you weren´t here when Apocalypse ...caused terror, many people die" Kitty is starting to lose her cool.

"I was here. I was with my mother in Bavaria, Apocalypse still has followers and you, X-men, are a fool to think you achieve peace just because you send him away" Kurt Darkholme states shocking Kitty. She has no idea the man still has followers.

"That´s my problem with you! You don´t tell anything. I don´t even know about your mother until she points a gun at me!" Kitty said and Seir is not happy that traitor is here. Oh, but seeing this is interesting.

"You will command me to talk about anything? Will you order me as your slave?" Darkholme asked seething and Kitty is not happy by this insinuation, thankfully for them, the X-men arrive and Jean Grey, using her powers, rend Sier useless.

Scott Summers is the one to see and try to peace out the fighting between Kurt and Kitty with little success. In the end, he calls for Jubilee that take a more radical approach.

"Explosions!" And Jubilee uses her power to craft explosions make the two jump at this jump scare. "You welcome, fearless leader," Jubilee said to Scott.

Ororo just finished another uncomfortable talk with Princess Shuri. The Princess always insinuate the day that Ororo stops the wedding and leave her brother in the Altair and often show that is not pleased with Ororo. But, she is a professional and won´t make her personal feelings cloud her judgment.

And now Ororo has a clear image of what is going on. "So, Amanda Sefton did summon Kurt using Kitty´s blood?" Ororo is astonished by the stupidity. "And she uses Kurt´s blood to summon this one? What a dumb girl" Ororo said and then she remembers what Shuri said, and has the right mind to ask "and you, Seir, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for my long lost twin" Seir confirms and Darkholme didn´t reply kindly "My twin is very violent and can cause  problems, so, I was in search of him, hoping he wouldn´t be in trouble"

Ariel watches as Kurt Darkholme is not comfortable or pleased by this. "And why I don´t believe in you?" Ariel asked as Ororo seems to share the same sentiment.

"You can´t use demon blood to summon. Why put this charade? And how to know if you're not consorting with Amanda?" Seir is not happy with this idea and much less when Jean Grey reads his mind. Sadly for her, Seir has good control of his mind and let Jean see what he need her to see.

Darkholme is not pleased at all. Even with Jean and Ororo locking Seir up, is not enough, and he storms off. Kitty follows him. "Hey, can you stop?"

"Is that an order?" Kurt stop but the grimace remains.

"No, is not an order, look, be angry at me and the world won´t help anything, and leave me in the dark is shit, so, please, talk with me," Kitty said looking at his scarlet eyes.

The demon stops and gazes upon her. "Ok, what do you want to know about my shitty family?"

"Why you don´t like Seir?"

"He is a puppet of my sperm donor. The idiot wants to be the new hell and to do so, will try to conquer the Earth by making his children sleep with women and then sacrifice the newborns to open a portal" Kurt stops and looks at her face "yes, is that dumb, and no, I´m not with this dumbass, me and my mother have nothing to do with this. We deal with this on our own"

"I can´t say what´s like to have shitty family members, but, Kurt, you could have told us this, we can help our mother, we can help you"

"Not sure if I want help...or if I deserve any help...I may not be with Seir or with the sperm donor but I´m not the good twin, Katzchen"

"Well, fuck the good twin then, I´m talking about you. I know you, not all the details, I give that, but, I know you and I know you´re as much of an asshole as you´re a hero"

Kurt now has a soft smile on his face replacing the grimace from before. "You have ways with words"

"Oh, yeah, and I promise here to you that I won´t abuse this link, just, please don´t let me in the dark.Ok?"

Kurt sighs. "I´m not the most social person out there, I hate people and I would rather be left alone" Kurt explains in his flat like tone. "I´m a man that tolerate few things and like fewer"

"Yes, and you forget the edgy part, RockStar" Kitty adds with good humour then asks. "So, are we good?"

"Can I kill Seir?"

"If comes to down to it, yes, but, before that, I would like to make more questions...and then we must to decided what to do with Amanda"

"Am I the only one who still suspects the nurse?"

"Not really, but, one problem at the time, ok?"

"Ok!"

[qguardian]

Here’s to you women of Endgame/Marvel

To Brie Larson: Thank you for embodying Captain Marvel. Thank you for never flinching in the face of the wave of misogyny thrown your way. Thank you for lifting the dreams of girls and women everywhere and still speaking out in the defense of others. Your presence on screen was nothing short of breathtaking and I’m so thankful to you for just being amazing. I can’t wait to see more.

To Zoe Saldana: Thank you for just being amazing. I can’t imagine how hard it is to put on all that makeup for Gamora, but I can say the MCU would be so much weaker without you. Your ability to give such a deadly character believably soft moments is a wonder to behold, and it has contributed heavily to the likability of the Guardians. So thank you for putting up with all the dressing because you have created a character that truly stands out from the MCU and from Cinema. 

To Karen Gillan: The role of a villianess who gets redeemed is a rare one, and you were so perfect for it. You took Nebula from a one off Villain to a fully fledged character that played such an important role in Endgame I was genuinely surprised. I wouldn’t have enjoyed it so much had you not played her so well. You do Villain well, you do Hero well. You’re funny and scary when necessary. Thank you for making me care about a character I never thought I would.

To Pom Klementieff: Thank you for surprising me about a character. Mantis is not a character I thought would be in it for the long haul, but I am glad I was wrong. Your acting in Infinity War was amazing and you really showed how powerful an empath Mantis truly is. And your comedy is spot on. I know Asian representation is still lacking, but I’m glad you were able to break that barrier. You are a gem and I’m looking forward to seeing more. 

To Tessa Thompson: Holy cow do I love your character. The amount of badass that radiates off you should be harnessed and used to power cities. Your fighting, your wit, your smile and laugh, everything is just a spectacular sight to behold. You really showed off what a female leader looks like, and I’m glad Endgame acknowledged that fact and put you in your proper rank. 

To Evangeline Lilly: I’m so glad you got a second movie to really show what you are capable of. I’m glad you took the trope of “perfectly capable female gets sidelined by chosen male” and smashed it to bits.You made that movie so worth it, retroactively making the first Ant Man look better.  I was so happy to see you back in Endgame. Thank you for carrying the title of first female in the title, I know your achievement got a little overshadowed by Captain Marvel, but it was an important breakthrough and you handled it like it was nothing. Well done, and thank you.

To Letitia Wright: Your role as Shuri is just so special. To see a young girl, especially a black girl, be the smartest in the room, no, the smartest on the planet, is such a breath of fresh air. You breathed such life into the character, giving her the ability to be smart, funny, and a badass fighter. Shuri’s strength comes from you and it is no small thing to say Black Panther just wouldn’t have worked as well without you. Thank you.

To Lupita Nyong’o: Little sad you weren’t in Infinity war or Endgame, not going to lie. Your role in Black Panther though was amazing though. It’s amazing how you showed the power of empathy and really drove home the message that if you are capable of helping, you should help. You always bring such a wonderful spark to all your characters and Nakia was no different. I hope you return in Black Panther 2.

To Danai Gurira: Damn I can’t even express how much I love Okoye. You were the perfect choice to play a leader of an entirely female fighting force. You showed off strength and duty without being cold. Your fighting scenes were all amazingly fun to watch. I think you might be the only actress to have a prominent scene where you are licked by a rhino followed by threatening to kill your traitor husband and my god did you make it all so iconic. Your character would not have been so easily beloved without you. Thank you. 

To Gwyneth Paltrow: You had one of the toughest roles in the MCU. You were acting across from RDJ and you not only held your own, you established yourself as a staple character. You were every bit as critical to Tony’s journey as RDJ was. You were given a stereotypical side character love interest role and made her so special. I’m glad your strength was recognized in both Iron Man 3 and Endgame because you more than deserve it. Also, your delivery of your final lines to Tony were heart-smashingly perfect. Thank you for giving us your performance.

To Angela Basset, Rene Russo, and Michelle Pfeiffer: The role of mother is a critical one and all of you were spectacular. You give heart to otherwise cold atmospheres, breathing life into stories like no other. You give love to characters who need it most. You bring a sense of home to a world of fantasy so different from our own. Thank you. 

To Natalie Portman and Emily VanCamp: Thank you for your roles. If was unfair your characters were written into the sidelines as love interests, despite both your characters having incredible strength. Your talents are priceless and your contributions will not be forgotten. 

And To Scarlet Johannson: Look, I really want you to make better acting choices. I hope you take the feedback given to you and be better in your career moving forward. But I can’t deny your achievements in the MCU. You were the first women in the super hero line up. You carried that title for all the first phase and most of the second phase. You were given a stereotype and you killed it. Your character was written wildly different from movie to movie and yet you still managed to make it as seamless as possible. You were witty, funny, heartfelt, and goddamn your death scene was heart wrenching. You paved the way for the others. You held strong, acting against RDJ and Chris Evens in their own movies, and it never felt like you were second fiddle. You achieved so much with being given so little to work with. Your presence and performance were gifts to behold, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  

And to every other women who has contributed to the MCU, both big and small, both on and off screen, your roles are so important to female fans everywhere. Thank you, truly, for helping bring these characters to life and give people everywhere a model to see just how strong women can be. 

“She’s not alone.”

[cherryplasmids]

☆ breathtaking  ☆

pairing: t’challa udaku x reader fandom: marvel cinematic universe prompt: wakanda is beyond beautiful, but so are you.  notes: check out my other works; masterlist

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I will never get used to this.” You sigh out, staring out into the forest where the sun was beginning to set. The bold purples contrasted prettily with the soft hues of pinks and oranges, bathing Wakanda in all its glory. This was a sight rare unknown to the world, but a common occurrence in Wakanda, and for good reason too, no one other than the citizens of the beloved kingdom deserved such a gorgeous scene.

“Used to what?” A velvety voice questions behind you, belonging to your king, to your lover. He stops whatever he was doing in order to wrap his arms around you, pressing you to his chest as he places a gentle kiss on your cheek.

You smile before waving a hand to address the topic. “This,” You drop your hands to grab T’Challa’s. “It’s utterly beautiful, words cannot describe this nor can art or photographs capture this. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Does anyone get used to this?”

“No,” T’Challa answers automatically because he knows this as a fact. He has been living here all his life and yet, he becomes awestruck at the country as a whole. His home was extraordinarily beautiful, beating any other sight ever seen. It only made sense that you, his beloved, belonged there despite being an outsider. “But I challenge your words.”

“Hm? What words?”

“You said this is the most beautiful thing in the world. It is not.”

You turn your attention to T’Challa, raising an eyebrow at him, waiting for further explanation. While you waited, T’Challa takes a long and deep gaze at you. He releases his hands from your own and smooths it over your arms, feeling your soft, sun-kissed skin under his slightly rough hands. He admires you, everything about you made him speechless, from the way you interact with his family to the way you’re always hungry and eating to the way you gasp his name during intimate nights. Even when you’re arguing with him about going back home to visit the Avengers (which he doesn’t allow since you’re a wanted fugitive), you make him speechless because you are beautiful. And nothing in the world can meet it, surpass it, or even capture the essence of you.

“Are you ever going to tell me?” You ask impatiently, putting your arms around T’Challa’s neck to capture his attention.

“You are beyond breathtaking. ” He whispers, gazing into your eyes with adoration.

But no matter how sweet those words were, you couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, T’Challa, you’re so cheesy.” You tease him, pinching his cheeks before he swats it away, a little bit annoyed that his charm did not work. You press a quick kiss to his cheek before removing yourself from his grasps, turning away to walk out of your shared room. “Shuri will find this funny!” You proceeded to mimic him in a deep, exaggerated tone that made you sound out of breath and somewhat constipated. After each time, you would laugh loud and hard.

“I forbid you to tell her this!” T’Challa yells down the corridor where your figure becomes smaller as you walk away. All he hears is the echo of your laugh and before he can say something else, you’re completely gone.

He rubs his hand down his face before chucking to himself, a large smile taking over his lips. Even though you were a pain in the ass sometimes, you were still such a breathtaking sight and an amazing companion.

So much so, he was willing to make you his Queen.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

word count: 615 published: feb 16, 2018 edited: n/a

[katasstrophey]

Untitled (series)

Part 1: The Throne Room

PART 2

I was in the middle of writing an ISS paper when I got hit with inspiration... 

Y/N, the eldest of the Udaku family had been afflicted with a deadly illness whose remedy can only be administered by the leader of the Jabari tribe. Resolved to save herself for her family, y/n, Shuri, T’Challa and the Queen Mother make their way up to see M’Baku in the hopes he will save their beloved sister. (As the eldest, y/n is the rightful heir of the throne, but turned it down because of her desire to be a scientist and have a more in depth understanding of Wakanda and the world around it).

“

Speak, princess. It seems you must have much to say seeing as you’ve just barged into my throne room and demanded I dismiss your siblings and mother”, M’Baku stated in a bored tone.

“A few days ago, the words that are to escape my lips would have burned my tongue; yet I was taught long ago to put aside youthful pride for things that carry weight well beyond the grave. 

So here I am, M’Baku, leader of the Jabari tribe, asking you, not for my sake, but for the sake of the ones who stood before you, this favour. I’ve failed as a usisi omkhulu (big sister) seeing as I did not adequately prepare my siblings for my passing. The weight of my father’s departure to the ancestral plane has already weighted so heavily on us all that my passing, I fear, would hurt my brother to such an extent that his rule over Wakanda would suffer. 

As the rightful heir of the throne, I did not turn down the crown for it to be squandered by a boy who was not able to accept the death of his usisi. Wakanda, as a whole would suffer greatly, and so would you and your people. I have not come here to threaten your tribe with the possible thoughtless behaviours of my grief stricken brother but these are things to consider. I believe T’Challa has proposed to you a well-deserved seat at the counsel and I add to it the seeds to the ibari plant known for its healing ability of ehso, an illness that seems to grip your people ever so often. Before… all of this, I had discovered a way to sustain the plant in the harshest environment. If you wish for it to be, the plant is yours.

Taking a shaky breath, y/n waited for the answer of the one who sat on the throne. She could feel his eyes on her kneeling frame as she softly trembled due to the fever that seemed to have rocked her ailing body just then.

“Do you not know, girl, that what you are asking of me is to lead you to a path of recovery riddled with nothing but pain and battles? Are you really prepared to fight both your illness and yourself for a slim chance to such recovery?”, M’Baku asked after a long pause.

“It is not for myself that I am prepared to fight, but for my siblings, my mother and Wakanda”, y/n replied softly.

To this, M’Baku let out a thunderous laugh as he leaned forward to have a better gaze of the Wakandan princess that had never ceased to astound him since the moment she had walked in  his throne room unannounced.

“Entertaining the possibility that I do heed to your request, know that when your family runs back to their beloved Wakanda and that the cold chill of the Jabari mountains seep into your chambers, there will be no one there to fight for: only you and your pain stricken self.”

“I’ve been made aware, your highness” y/n said sharply, “and I am ready to face those hardships for I know that even though they are not with me in person, my family has me in their hearts as I have them in mine”.

As he was about to reply, M’Baku noticed the shakiness of y/n’s body as well as the faintness in her voice. Seized with a certain ounce of guilt, he stood and made his way towards her. The Jabari leader decided just then to stop being too harsh with the girl. He had already made up his mind to accept their offer. It was an offer too good to turn away. Only a prideful fool would refuse; there was no longer any reason for him to intimidate her.

“I guess you can drop the formalities with me y/n. We are both partially of the same standing and are to be closely acquainted throughout the next few grueling months that are ahead of us. You may stand… And go on to tell your fool of a brother and ever-so- loud sister the news. The scent of your carnivore selves is starting to reek”.

M’Baku took a tentative step towards y/n’s kneeling self as she only muttered a thanks and stayed immobile.

“You spoke of childish pride not long ago, is that what is prohibiting you to stand and face me in the midst of your illness?” M’Baku added amused. To this, y/n let out a mix between a choked sob and laugh, finally taking her eyes of the throne room’s floor to meet the eyes of the Jabari tribe’s leader.

“I fear my legs have forsaken me” she admitted. “It started a few days ago. My limbs seem to have spontaneous moments of weakness, moments that I have successfully hid from my worry-wart family. I would be ever so grateful if you could keep this between us… M’Baku”.

As quick as lightening and to the surprise of the princess, M’Baku scooped y/n up in his arm as a mother would a child.

“It would seem the illness is progressing much faster than we thought” he muttered gravely. “Fear not,” M’Baku stated a few beats later as they reached the door of the throne room. “I shall keep this to myself; I fear T’Challa already has enough frown lines for me to go ahead and add more”.

For the first time in a long time, y/n found herself laughing wholeheartedly. As M’Baku was about to make a sign to the guards to open the doors, but he was stopped by y/n.

“Before we go meet the others… I just wanted you to promise me something”.

M’Baku huffed at this: “a request yet again?” he exclaimed.

With a soft smile on her face, y/n replied, “If I were to get through this… and ended up on the other side no longer as myself… I want you to end it. End the process, send me to my grave. For I would hate going back to my family as a shell of who I once was” Y/N stated “there is only so much pain a person can take, and if I break there is no point in it all”.

M’Baku peered into her eyes only to see not an ounce of doubt, but the fire of certainty. She was beautiful, he thought. Even with her eyes glazed with fever and her body covered in a cold sweat.

“You have so little faith in yourself” M’Baku replied, heart pounding. He knew how much T’Challa, Shuri and the Queen Mother cared for the woman; he, himself had even started to regard the girl with something other than annoyance; therefore, he knew not whether he would really adhere to this promise and opted on not answering at all.

Sending him a sleepy grin, y/n replied, “M’Baku, leader of the Jabari tribe, you are a good man and a great king. And a good man keeps his promises; especially when it comes to the dying wish of the most beautiful Wakandan princess who has ever lived, yes?”

Finally entering the main hallway with the girl in his arms, M’Baku’s breath stuck in his throat as he nodded. It was the first time anyone had ever told him that he was a good man and a great king without a sense of obligation. As he made his way to the chamber where he had ordered his guards to place T’Challa and the rest of the Brady bunch, M’Baku knew in his heart that the next few months were going to be hard, yes; but overall interesting. Because if the dozing girl he held in his arms was involved, he was certain things were going to be nothing short of riveting.

If someone actually finds this interesting, I’ll post a preface to explain, (more in depth), how y/n got this point.

Disclaimer: please be gentle. This is my first piece of fan fiction, but I had to put something out here because the lack of BP fics are killing me. This is a thicc daddy m’baku fic if y’all hadn’t noticed lol.  

[omeletsforpepper]

If They Liked This, They Might Also Like...

Over at @reactingtosomething​ we wanted to get into the holidays in a way that was more or less on brand. So in the spirit of a Netflix recommendation algorithm, here are some book suggestions for what to buy friends and family who may have liked some of the same movies I did in 2018.

If they liked Wildlife or Widows: The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness

As I say in my Amazon review, this is the best applied ethics text I was never assigned. In fairness to my professors, attorney-turned-journalist Jill Filipovic hadn’t written it yet when I was a philosophy student. Filipovic is also not a philosopher. But she is a brilliant writer and a rigorous thinker, and The H-Spot is fundamentally and explicitly an Aristotelian ethical project. That is to say, it takes the starting position that political organization should be aimed at the goal of human flourishing (as opposed to, say, economic growth). From there Filipovic builds a case, or maybe it's better to say several cases, for specific ways in which American policy fails women and disproportionately women of color in this aim, and concrete ways in which it could address this failure. She does so largely through first-hand accounts of several women across America, in a wide range of socioeconomic circumstances. Although the institutions and less formal systems in play are complicated, the questions at the heart of all this are simple: What do women want? What do women need?

Filipovic asks these questions without pre-judgment, and without assuming that any answers are too unrealistic to consider. Not that anyone she talks to asks for anything "unrealistic." Partly this is because they often speak from too much experience for the unrealistic to occur to them as something they deserve to ask for, but also, the idea that woman-friendly policy is unrealistic is a Bad Take to begin with. Filipovic doesn't need to be pie-in-the-sky utopian to show how things could be much better for women (and by extension, it should but still doesn't go without saying, for everyone).

I left academic philosophy over five years ago, but I really think each chapter (built around topics like friendship, sex, parenting, and food) is brimming with potential paper topics for grad and undergrad students of ethics and/or political philosophy. Whether you’re philosophically inclined or not, if you think “women should be happy” and “the point of civilization is to make happiness easier for everyone” are uncontroversial claims, The H-Spot is the book for you -- and for your friends who loved the several underestimated women of Widows, or Carey Mulligan’s captivating portrayal in Wildlife of a woman doing the best she could within the restrictions of her era.

If they liked Black Panther: A Nation Under Our Feet

Though it helps to have some familiarity with the Avengers storylines that led up to Ta-Nehisi motherfucking Coates’s first year on the Black Panther comic -- as well as with the excellent opening arc of Matt Fraction’s Invincible Iron Man -- here’s all that even a new comics reader really needs to know before jumping into Nation: King T’Challa, the Black Panther, was recently unable to prevent several consecutive disasters in Wakanda. Both as a cause and as a result of these disasters, T’Challa worked with the so-called “Illuminati” (Tony Stark, Reed Richards, Stephen Strange, and other intellectual and strategic heavyweights) to prevent the end of the multiverse itself. That crisis averted, T’Challa has returned to Wakanda to resume his royal duties.

Coates takes as a starting premise that Wakanda, the most advanced nation on earth, would only still have a hereditary monarchy if the monarch was uniquely suited as a protector of the people. In the wake of the Panther’s failures in this regard, Nation opens with a rebellion against T’Challa’s rule on two fronts: domestic terrorists with an unknown agenda on one hand, and on the other, former officers of the Dora Milaje (the all-female royal bodyguard corps beloved by fans of the movie) rallying Wakandan women who have suffered great injustices unaddressed by the crown. The leaders of the latter, lovers Ayo and Aneka, are nominally antagonists to T’Challa, but to the reader they’re parallel protagonists. You root for both T’Challa and the Dora Milaje, even though their agendas are in tension, not unlike the way one might have rooted for both Tyrion Lannister and Robb Stark in early Game of Thrones. (Shuri’s around too, though she’s quite unlike her movie counterpart.)

When he’s not fighting or investigating, T’Challa does a lot of soul-searching and debating about his responsibilities as king, the ways it conflicts with his career as a globetrotting superhero, and whether and how the government of Wakanda must evolve. Though Wakanda is too small to be considered a superpower, the domestic terror angle, an interrogation of historical injustice, and the struggle between moral idealism and political reality make Wakanda a proxy in some important ways for modern America. (You may have noticed that Ryan Coogler did this too.) Coates’s meditation on leadership and political power made A Nation Under Our Feet not only a great superhero comic but -- this is not an exaggeration or a joke -- my favorite political writing of 2016.

Nation is illustrated mostly by Brian Stelfreeze and Chris Sprouse, with colors by Laura Martin; some of Stelfreeze’s designs clearly influenced the movie.

If they liked Thoroughbreds: Sweetpea

When a clever, mean-spirited would-be journalist with airhead friends learns that her boyfriend is cheating on her, old traumas bubble to the surface and she becomes a serial killer who targets sex offenders. Darkly, often cruelly hilarious, Sweetpea is what you’d get if American Psycho was set in southwestern England and for some reason starred Amy from Gone Girl. Protagonist Rhiannon is a self-described inhabitant of an Island of Unfinished Sentences, de facto Chief Listener of her “friend” circle, and a maker of lists. Lists of the things her friends talk about (babies, boyfriends, IKEA), signs she’d like to put up at work (please close doors quietly, please do not wear Crocs to work), and oh, the people she wants to kill. Like her boyfriend, at the moment. Or ISIS, when news coverage of a terror attack pre-empts her beloved MasterChef.

Author C.J. Skuse smartly chooses not to have Rhiannon wallow in her traumatic past as many superheroes do. We get glimpses for context, but Rhiannon is committed to moving forward, to escaping her demons rather than being defined by them. It matters that she wants to get better, even if she also hates that she’s bought into society’s definition of “better.” (#relatable)

It’s worth noting that Sweetpea leans seemingly uncritically into a lot of dated gender tropes, in Rhiannon’s assessments of the women around her. (Body positive she is not.) Then again, she’s an unreliable narrator -- one of the best demonstrations of this is a scene in which she’s convinced of her ability to fool the world into believing she’s normal, then overhears her dipshit co-workers talk about how unsettling she is -- so arguably we’re supposed to laugh at how terrible she is without necessarily agreeing with her. This is, I think, a perfectly legitimate approach to a protagonist, even if some find it unfashionable.

The book is not quite as thematically rich as it first appears, at least on the topic of sexual violence; it indulges a “stranger danger” picture of rape that doesn’t feel entirely contemporary. (For a more nuanced treatment of rape culture, see the sadly short-lived but wildly entertaining vigilante dramedy Sweet/Vicious.) But as a portrait of a vibrant, layered, genuinely Nasty-and-you-kinda-love-her-for-it woman -- given Oscar-caliber-portrayal-worthy life by Skuse’s wickedly sharp voice -- Sweetpea is too fun to pass up.

Upgrade or Infinity War: The Wild Storm

Castlevania showrunner Warren Ellis helped redefine superhero comics with 1999’s The Authority, which at DC’s request he's given a Gritty Reboot (along with the WildCATS, whom some of us remember from this extremely 90s cartoon) in The Wild Storm. Ellis has always been interested in The Future, both its potential wondrousness and its probable horror. Fans of Upgrade’s refreshingly unsanitized (and unsanitary) take on human enhancement through body modification will find much to like in Ellis’s spin on the trope of second-skin powered armor. (He semi-famously wrote Extremis, one of the comic arcs that inspired Iron Man 3.)

art by Jon Davis Hunt, from The Wild Storm #1

Angela Spica, a reimagining of Ellis’s old Authority character The Engineer, is a cybernetics expert who stumbles onto a sort of shadow government conspiracy related to her employer, and goes on the run with the armor she’s designed for them. (When not deployed, the armor is stored inside her body.) Angela is quickly targeted by multiple covert organizations, one of which rescues (?) her and brings her in on a secret history of technological arms races and contact with extraterrestrials. The Wild Storm is full of big action and bigger ideas, and for smart, generally curious superhero movie fans who find the decades-long continuities of the DC and Marvel universes intimidating, it’s a great entry -- with a blessedly planned ending -- into sci-fi-comics.

Happy holidays, and have fun shopping! Hop over to the full post for @supersnarker3000’s gift guide.

[stankrhodes]

Ironpanther AU

Author’s Note: this is pretty lengthy. Not sure what the exact length is but it’s long. Enjoy!

What if T'Challa and Tony had been married for 10+ years before Civil War? Like imagine Tony seeing T'Challa and comforting him after the death of his father and helping him as he copes with the responsibility he now has to take. But they’re in the middle of a disagreement and T'Challa, in a rush of anger after finding out about Barnes, is unable to comfort Tony.

Tony is used to being pushed aside on multiple occasions but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less. This is his husband for God’s sake.

Then the airport battle happens and Tony has to deal with the guilt of dragging Peter Parker –WHO IS UNDER THE AGE OF 18. TONY THOUGHT STEVE WOULDN’T FIGHT A KID. APPARENTLY NOT– and then he has to accept the fact that Steve and Barnes are gone. Tony has another weight to deal with as T'Challa is not there to comfort him and he goes on a sleeping binge for the next three nights. When Ross calls him and tells him where the other Avengers are, Tony immediately heads to the raft. He needs to stop Rogers before he does something stupid.

He knew. He knew. He knew. That’s all he thinks as he is overrun with emotion and attacks Barnes and Steve. When Steve doesn’t hit his shield into his chest one last time, Tony is reminded where it came from. That’s my father’s shield. You don’t deserve it

He waits for two weeks in Siberia as no one comes to save him. He knows Peter is worried but at least he won’t have to bear the weight of Tony’s mistakes any longer. Tony wishes he was dead because that would be better than being in this bunker with an open wound he had closed more than 15 years prior.

When help arrives, Tony is on edge. He eyes all of the equipment around him warily. He doesn’t trust anything they poke him with but he convinces himself that this is to help him.

It takes work –3 long months – before he is able to calm himself in high-stress situations. He calls his husband after he feels strong enough to do so.

He does not expect the way T'Challa sounds so irritate with him and decides that even his husband isn’t too fond of him anymore. He has Peter who absolutely adores him but that’s pretty much it. He sighs when the phone call ends and decides he will call again when things aren’t so hectic.

He spends a considerable amount of time working on amending the accords and trying to get Ross behind bars. It’s no easy feat but within 9 months, Tony has successfully turned the Accords into a document that is far more substantial than it had been when it was first introduced.

This is when he decides to call T'Challa. When he does, he is met with a far more accepting tone than the one he had been on the other side of when he first called. T'Challa sounds genuinely worried about him and Tony reassures his husband he is fine. He has overworked himself though, and decides that he will visit T'Challa in Wakanda.

When he arrives in Wakanda he is, as always, blown away at the welcome he receives. Although typically most foreigners aren’t welcomed or accepted in Wakanda because of the strong connection with tradition, Tony has a special connection with the people of Wakanda. He loves them because of their advancements. He loves them because of their diversity. He loves them because of their unity. He really just loves everything about Wakanda and its people.

Okoye is surprised but is quick to smile and welcome Tony. “Hello Mr. Stark. It is great to have you back here in Wakanda after being away for so long.” “It’s good to be back. Where’s the Kitty?” He asks and Okoye directs him to the tech lab where Shuri and T'Challa are looking over some new schematics. He smiles as he notices how deep into their conversation they are.

He clears his throat and both of their heads shoot up and Shuri’s face breaks into a smile. “Tony!” she yells and runs to give him a hug. He asks her how things are going and she bursts into a long explanation about what's happened with Killmonger and everything else since he last visited and he listens to her every word. He understands what it feels like to be ignored by those he could have considered his friends. He doesn’t want anyone to go through that the way he did so he actively listens to her.

When she finishes, Tony notices T'Challa is no longer in the lab with them. He bids Shuri goodbye and heads to T'Challa’s personal office. When he enters, T'Challa is sitting behind the desk looking through somepapers. Tony decides to sit across from him and wait until the King decides to look up. When all of the papers have been looked through, T'Challa looks up at Tony and a soft smile crosses his face. He greets his husband and for the next few days, they are spending as much time together as possible.

On the third day, Tony is just wandering the halls of the castle when he comes across a room he had never seen before. He decides it must be harmless and takes the risk of opening it.

His breathing automatically speads up and he is suddenly back in Siberia when he sees the Rogue Avengers sitting in the room seemingly enjoying life. Tony is suddenly winded and can’t explain it. His mind is unable to catch up to his body and he doesn’t close the door soon enough and right when he closes it, it is reopened and Steve Rogers is standing in front of him with a growing beard. He says his name and Tony can’t breathe. He is being squished back into his suit wishing Steve had hit the arc reactor with the shield one last time.

Tony stumbles back as his heart pounds in his ear and he runs the map his mind created to get back to his and T'Challa’s room. He is aware of the fact that Rogers continues to call his name long after he is gone but he doesn’t care. He slams the door shut behind him and leans against it. Breathing heavily, Tony closes his eyes and behind to count to ten.

Damn him. Always messing up something when things are going good. Tony immediately thinks why does T'Challa have criminals in his home. He was working for the accords. What side is he on?

In a moment Tony is emptying his stomach in the toilet because his head is racing faster than his heart is. He stands up and cleans his mouth and tries to calm himself (unsuccessfully) and heads out to find T'Challa. He isn’t surprised to find his husband sitting his desk in his office. He opens the door harshly and T'Challa’s head snaps up. “Why are they here?” Tony asks. His voice deadly as his words come out sharp and low. “Tony.” T'Challa tries to soothe and Tony isn’t having it. “T'Challa. I’m going to ask you once more and only once. Why are they here?”

“I agreed to allow them stay here while Barnes was receiving treatment.” T'Challa sighs after making his statement. “Do you even support the Accords?” “Of course I do beloved. Of course.” T'Challa stands and makes his way to Tony. Tony backs up and puts his right hand up. “No.”

Tony looks at the vibranium double-band on left hand’s ring finger. Shaking his head softly. “No,” he repeats and with quivering hands, takes the ring off. “You clearly don’t care that I, your husband, almost died at their hands. Twice.” Tony stops abruptly and drops the ring on the floor.

Within the hour, Tony is gone from Wakanda. In his mind he won’t return.

It takes three years, however, for him to return. When threat is ever-present, he has to bring the ‘ol gang back together for 'the last ride.’ Tony doesn’t care about them. He just wants to protect the world but of course his incessant 'husband’ continues his efforts.

(Tony sent divorce papers to T'Challa but the King sent them back unsigned)

Tony is dead set on ignoring T'Challa because T'Challa clearly didn’t care about him when he was dying.

[Find Part 2 here]

[sunny-day-sky]

How fitting that today is Best Friends Day, because I get to talk about some of my best friends on here (as prompted by my lovely anon)! So, here you are, cast as some of my favorite fictional characters! I put links so you can check out everyone’s character! So...

@pollypeaches​ : Sailor Venus from Sailor Moon because you’re sweet, adorable, and glamorous, and you spread love wherever you go! 💖

@amiedelabaisse​ : Violetta Valéry from La Traviata (Verdi), because you’re noble, loving, and gorgeous, and you have such a beautiful, kind, and wonderful spirit! 🌹

@prettypettypansexual​ : Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens), because you would do anything for the people you love, and you’re brilliant and amazing at what you do, even if sometimes you don’t get the credit you deserve! 🎨

@teascatsandsciences​ : Utena Tenjou from Revolutionary Girl Utena because you’re smart and cool, but you also have such a caring and kind side, and you would make an amazing prince! 🐱

@gooblchrob​ : Snow White from Once Upon a Time because you're so kind and full of goodness and light, and you believe in the power of positivity and love! 🎀

@terpsichorean-princess​ : Dounia Romanovna from Crime and Punishment (Dostoevsky), because you're strong and smart and independent, but you also have so much passion and love inside you! 🎼

@over-milk-wood​ : Melody from Hunter X Hunter (Togashi), because music, but also because you're such a kind and lovely person who's always there to listen! 🎻

@jaylawheed​ : Juno from Roman mythology, because you’re elegant and powerful, and just a bit conniving! (in the best way) (also bc I know it was your Latin class persona, and it just fits you so well) 🔮

@wanttodrawmothsfrommemory​ : Pierre Bezhukov from War and Peace (Tolstoy) (or The Great Comet) because you’re a bit of a nerd, so kind and generous, and thoughtful and introspective! 🦋

@prouvaires-paintbrush​ : Terence, AKA A.E. Housman’s OC (there isn’t an article fully about him, because I pieced his character together from the entirety of A Shropshire Lad) because you’re beloved by your friends, in turn lighthearted and philosophical, and also, a darn good writer! 🖋

@lovethythrall​ : Ivan Karamazov from The Brothers Karamazov (Dostoevsky) because you’re an intellectual (not an Intellectual™) who uses reason and philosophy to find their place in the world, and who would totally write a long poem about philosophy and existentialism like The Grand Inquisitor! 🦅

@s-keaton​ : Angelica Schuyler from Hamilton (not necessarily the real historical person) because you’re brilliant, charming, and passionate, and have a way with words, but you’re not afraid to smack down those who deserve it! 🐝

@macklesufficient​ : Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing because you’re smart and witty, with a strong character, and a loyal heart! (and also because Shakespeare) 🎭

@ujarunnop​ : Papageno from The Magic Flute (Mozart), because you’re fun and charming, but also warm and loving and helpful! (Also, I can totally see you in a basso buffo role!) 🎤

@decayingliberty​ : Marius Pontmercy from Les Misérables (the musical version, not the book version) because you’re good with words and languages, and are a bit introverted, but with a great capacity for love! 📚

@rubenesque-as-fuck​ : Brünhilde from The Ring Cycle (it has to be Wagner’s version) because you’re fierce and brave, with a tremendous capacity for love and compassion, and you do what needs to be done! 🌈

@the-melody-of-words​ : Pearl from Steven Universe, because you’re sweet and elegant, incredibly strong, and loving and kind to your friends! 🌸

@kazoomajor​ : Anita from West Side Story, because you’re passionate and fiery and stand up for what you believe in, are hardworking, and ultimately believe in the power of love! 💄

@clio-is-amused​ : Evelyn Carnahan from The Mummy, because you love history and books, are super smart, and very capable! 💜

@pizza-snake​ : Shuri from Black Panther, because you’re brilliant, snarky, and a library of memes, and at the end of the day, all you want to do is help the people you love! 🦀

@coffeedyke​ : Kathryn Janeway from Star Trek: Voyager, because you’re scrappy, brave, and strong, and have such a noble character and an unending capacity for love! (also, you have the same hair color) 💎

@enjolra-s : Valère from Tartuffe (Molière) because you’re a romantic (and Romantic) who cares deeply about his friends and believes in the power of hope and love! Also, I could totally see you rushing in at the last minute with some Vital News! 😇

@glitterfeyrac​ : Swanhilda from Coppélia (Delibes and Saint-Léon), because you’re whimsical and loving, but also a BADASS who gets stuff done, and who probably knows how to dance really well! ✨

@alluringwaters : Nora Helmer from A Doll’s House (Ibsen), because you’re sweet and charming, capable, strong, and able to do what needs to be done! 🌌

@apoliilo : Courfeyrac from Les Misérables (it’s my favorite novel; I gotta have two (2) representatives) because you’re warm, caring, generous, funny, and a little bit of a Meme! ☀️

@acynicandanidealist​ : Wash Washburne from Firefly, because you’re quirky and interesting and super cool, and have a good way with words! Also, I could see you keeping dinosaurs on your dashboard! 🤖

@montparnassee : Eugene Onegin from the Pushkin novel or the Tchaikovsky opera, because you're stylish, elegant, and a bit of a dandy! (but you don’t have his bad traits!) 🖤

@sailorgreywolf​ : Andriy Bulba from Taras Bulba (Gogol), because you’re passionate, brave, strong, and a believer in the power of love! 🏰

@the-march-hair​ : Carmen from Bizet’s Carmen, because you’re fiery and valiant, and you know what you want and how to get it! ✏️

@unclemoriarty​ : Young Marcel from In Search of Lost Time (Proust), because you’re curious, sweet, and smart, and you love reading and exploring the world around you! You’re also good with words! 📖

bonus, me : Waverly Earp from Wynonna Earp, because I’m super femme, super nerdy, super language-loving, and SUPER gay 💗❤️💋