#so I feel safe in sticking to my general: Yikes.

[jgvfhl]

The Number Lads Go Snooping

Here we are folks... Sevenset is tasked with keeping Fives entertained while Tup is examined after the tragic and mysterious execution of General Tiplar on Ringo Vinda. Unfortunately for them, and Echo's blood pressure, Sevenset and Fives have strange ideas of what constitutes entertainment. BEHOLD, THE ORDERS ARC BEGINS!!

Words: not quite 8K (longest chapter to date oop) Warnings: Canon typical suspense with canon atypical swearing :) Link to Master List of Chapters on Tumblr Link to the full story on Ao3 Happy reading!

CrispyDomino: hey sevenset, need a favor

RedBoiiiii: o7 reporting for orders

CrispyDomino: Fives is bringing one of our boys to Kamino for a med eval

RedBoiiiii: yikes that’s not fun

CrispyDomino: Yeah, you mind making sure he’s not worrying himself sick over the kid?

RedBoiiiii: I will do my best! When are they arriving?

CrispyDomino: Should get there in a few hours

RedBoiiiii: You got it, buddy! I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid

DEATH: That’s not particularly promising

RedBoiiiii: oh COME ON

d0nut man: lkdjafkd

Double Trouble: oh my gods XD

CrispyDomino: Don’t worry, Sevens, I have faith in you

RedBoiiiii: THANK you echo

Leafs: We really can’t go ten seconds without something huh?

RedBoiiiii: THE COMMANDER STARTED IT

CrispyDomino: Anyway, thanks Sevens, means a lot

CrispyDomino: I’m on campaign, but feel free to send updates if you want

-scene break-

Sevenset had gotten a message from Fives as soon as he’d touched down, it had appeared. He’d grumbled a little at his batchmate’s mothering, but he’d conceded it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get out of his own head while his friend was in medical. But, first Fives had to be assessed as well, so Sevenset had been left to his own devices for a bit, waiting for Fives to comm him after he was cleared.

He had chosen to use this time to be, as most people called it, a menace. He called it practicing his environmental awareness and stealth skills, although no one else seemed too keen to agree with him. After successfully pranking Colt on the Venator after their last mission, he’d doubled-down on finding some way to get at Alpha-17. A death sentence? Possibly.

But he would be legendary if he pulled it off.

It did leave him with the slight problem of finding where the grumpy captain spent most of his time. He was a very private man, and most of the time he wasn’t in his rooms anyway (which would be great news once Sevenset found them). His search had brought him almost back around to the main medical wing of Kamino. No, not the medical wing for the tubies, or the medical wing for the scientists, or the other medical wing for surgery and … whatever else they did over there. This was mainly for soldiers who came in with injuries too mysterious or serious to treat on the field, so it was undoubtedly where Fives and his friend were now.

His plan so far was based solely on lying, and hoping someone was fooled into giving him Alpha’s room number, or at least which wing he lived in. So far, however, he’d only encountered clone officers who knew better than to talk to him outside of necessity, Kaminoans who really didn’t know what to do with him half the time he approached them, and some of the nattie trainers. He didn’t feel like talking to many of them. They were fine, for the most part, but… eh. Not his thing.

An alarm went off, harsh against his ears without his bucket. He flinched, looking around and waiting for an announcement.

“Security breach. All nonessential personnel report to a safe room for lockdown.”

The round door at the end of the hallway slid open suddenly, making him pivot in that direction. The hall flooded with red emergency lighting. A pantoran woman strode out, followed by the sounds of hustle and bustle a bit too bustling for normal medical procedure.

“This place is about to be locked down,” she told him. “Better get a move on, ARC.”

He fell into step beside her as she walked, seeing no point in sticking around if that was indeed the case. He glanced over her person, trying to remember if he’d seen her around for long. He definitely recognized parts of her armor. She was one of the few Mandos left on Kamino, her armor mostly a deep blue, with pink and yellow clouds rolling along the bottom of her chestplate. Her pink hair was cropped close to her head on the sides and flopped over loosely on top. She was only about as tall as his shoulder, probably approaching forty years old, but this woman had two gold jaig eyes tattooed on her forehead.

There was no messing with her.

“Why?” he asked.

“Undisclosed. Someone’s up to no good in the medical wing.”

The alarm continued to blare.

Sevenset glanced behind him at the closed door. Fives hadn’t contacted him yet… did that mean he was in lockdown without his armor? They had to remove their kit for med evals, so maybe with the security, he hadn’t been able to get his comm back yet. That had to be it. Fives was ARC. He hadn’t survived this long by doing rash things like… whatever this trooper was doing.

“What’s your name, ma’am?” he asked, choosing to collect whatever information he could about this Mando.

She glanced over at him. “Maral Tumun.”

He nodded. “I’m Sevenset. I’ve seen you around once or twice.”

“I would hope so. I’ve been training you lot for ages. I trained some of the command batches up from tykes.”

Oh, had she now? That was worth poking into a little bit. “Which batches?”

Before she had an opportunity to answer, his comm went off. He glanced at the frequency and frowned. He didn’t recognize it. It wasn’t anyone in his squadron, or any of the Numbers. Weird.

“Sorry, I gotta take this,” he mumbled, answering the voice transmission. “This is ARC seven seven seven seven.”

“Hey, Sevens, it’s Fives. Listen–I uh… I might’ve done something.”

Oh no.

He hastily muted the comm, but didn't disconnect it, staring at Trainer Tumun, whose gold eyes had locked on him as soon as she'd heard Fives' name. "Wrong number?" he tried.

Her brow rose. "You often get wrong numbers who know your name?"

"Uh, yeah, all the time. Pretty common name among the newer batches, actually," he rambled on.

"Let me hear him," she said.

"Why? No. Ma'am."

“If you don’t, I am still under obligation to report any incidents related to what that trooper has done in medical to my superiors,” she said. “And I believe you would prefer this knowledge remain out of the Kaminoans’ hands for as long as possible, yes?”

He blinked at her. She was… helping? Was she helping? Obviously, whatever Fives had done, he wanted to know as much as he could before making decisions on how to help. She did have reasonable authority to march him down to one of the commanders or one of the doctors and make him sing, and he did not want to do that.

“You won’t get him in trouble?”

She crossed her arms, her beskar clinking. “Any more trouble, you mean?”

“Yeah…”

She shook her head. “Not yet. I know well enough to hear him out.”

Okay. It was as good as he was gonna get. He unmuted the comm.

“Heyyy…. Fives, sorry about that–”

“What the hell was that?” his friend demanded. “What happened?”

“I ran into a trainer, okay?” he shot back, trying to keep his voice down. “I–she heard you, I had to explain some things–”

“Who? What? I thought you were gonna help, Sevens!”

That hurt. He put a hand on his hip even though Fives couldn’t see him. “I’m trying, okay? This is the first time someone’s commed me after putting a whole wing of medical into lockdown, Fives! That was you, right?”

Trainer Tumun stepped closer. “What happened, trooper?”

“It’s–-there’s—something’s wrong with Tup. Yeah, Nala se was gonna cover up all the data, she switched the cases and everything.”

Sevenset exchanged a quizzical glance with the trainer. “This is the guy you were escorting here?”

“Yeah, yeah, he—kark, I dunno, mate, he got all kinds of messed up on Ringo Vinda.” Fives didn’t sound like himself. Far too agitated to be the collected, quick-witted soldier Sevenset knew. “He… he killed a Jedi, Sevens. And the Kaminoans aren’t doing enough to figure out why. All they want to do is kill him and take him apart afterwards.”

Sevenset sucked in a sharp breath, instinctively glancing up and around for witnesses. Without warning, Trainer Tumun grabbed his arm and pulled them both into a storage room toward the end of the corridor. It was dark, except for the white light from his comm, giving both their faces an eerie glow.

“Explain,” she ordered once they were both inside. At least the alarm was quieter here.

“He lost it! He was—he was—agitated, he was violent, he wasn’t responding to his name at all. He tried takin’ a swipe at General Skywalker too! Tied down to a gurney.”

“So what are you doing, Fives?” Sevenset wanted to know. “Why don’t you have your armor?”

“Armor? Armor—no, no, no, no, armor was too recognizable. Grabbed a plain set. He’ll be fine, barely a concussion—”

“You stole armor?”

“Well, no one’s giving it away, are they?” Fives replied sharply. “I may have… I kind of convinced a droid to perform a medical procedure on Tup, and when Nala Se found out, she freaked out. Said they had to do more extensive testing, still says it might be a virus, or a–a parasite—”

“Extensive testing?” Sevenset asked, his brows furrowing. Initial testing was usually pretty thorough. Why the need to go extensive? “Not the hyper testing, I hope. That will kill him.”

“But I found something!” Fives said. “I found something in his brain with the scan I did, right? But Nala Se said it was nothing, said the machine was calibrated wrong.”

Trainer Tumun tilted her head. “Those machines are never calibrated wrong.”

“Exactly! There was something in his head—maybe not just him, maybe there’s more—”

Sevenset held up a hand. “Okay, hold up, where are you?”

There was a heavy pause. Then, quietly, “Storage room, near the genetics wing.”

Another pause landed. “How? Why?” Sevenset demanded.

“I’m in disguise, aren’t I? They were gonna kriffin’ wipe me, Sevens! Now are you gonna help make sure Tup’s okay, or not?”

Sevenset sucked in a sharp breath almost without thinking. Reconditioning was more of a rumor than anything concrete on Kamino. Hearing his friend say it out loud like that…. Kark. This was worse than he’d thought.

“Yeah, and how am I supposed to keep Tup safe and you out of harm’s way at the same time, huh?”

“I’ll look after Tup,” Trainer Tumun said, cutting into their conversation suddenly.

“What?”

“What?”

“I am Trainer Maral Tumun,” she said for Fives’ sake. “I don’t trust these Kaminoans when they’re this excited to dispose of a soldier. If they are so keen to find you, then they are keen to cover up what’s happening to Tup. I will find out, and I will make sure he gets to a doctor who knows the value of sentient life.”

There was another long pause as they both took in the information. Finally, Fives said, “Thank you, ma’am.”

“How are you gonna do that?” Sevenset asked. So he was a little skeptical. He had reason to be.

She smiled. “I am of Clan Ves. We do not disappoint.”

“Yeah, that’s great, I was talking more logistics?” he said. “Where are there doctors to treat him? How is he getting off Kamino? How are you even getting him off the medical table?”

Trainer Tumun sniffed, lifting her chin. “I know a guy.”

“It’s not Commander Nero, is it?” Fives asked with much sarcasm.

She looked down at the comm, shifting her stance slightly. “I do not have to answer that.”

“Nero?” Sevenset repeated. “Wait, he’s Commander Sixes’ batcher, right?” He recalled her remark about training command batches. “Holy kark, you trained those grumpy bastards, didn’t you?”

Once again, she lifted her chin and shuffled her feet slightly. “They were my best.”

“They’re kriffing sociopaths, ma’am,” Fives blurted.

“No, they are not, I had them tested.”

Comforting. But not important right now. “Okay, okay, fine,” he said. “You’ll find Tup and use Commander Nero’s infinite source of strings to pull to get him off-world. Fives, I’m gonna find you and make sure you don’t do anything stupid by yourself.”

Trainer Tumun gave him a look. “Not the usual phrasing of that expression.”

“Story of my life, ma’am,” he told her.

“Sounds good. My locator should still be on, Sevenset should be able to track me with that. I’m heading to the Genetic Records Hall.”

He sighed, rubbing his head. “Copy that, I’ll find you.”

“Stay outside until I come out. And thanks… again…”

The comm disconnected, leaving them in almost total darkness. Almost, because of the tiny dots of light on their vambrace controls.

“Okay.”

She nodded. Probably. “Let’s go.”

He followed her out into the hall, selecting the frequency Fives had used to comm him and tracking the corresponding locator signal. He turned this way and that a couple times, never the best at directionality.

“Okay, Genetic Records Hall,” he said. “No clue where that is.”

“I know it,” Tumun nodded. “I’ll need access to a different part of the medical wing, so I’ll send you the coordinates while we walk.” Without leaving room for debate, she turned and began walking, leaving him to catch up at a slight jog.

This was a bad situation, obviously. Sevenset wasn’t that tone-deaf not to realize that. But he also knew the value in taking the opportunities presented to him, and right now, he had direct access to a woman who had known Commander Sixes since he had been able to walk. There was no way in any of the nine hells he was letting this chance pass by without using it to find out something.

“So… Chaos Batch, huh?” he said by way of introduction. “You uh… you made ‘em like that?”

“I trained them,” she replied. “They were already like that.”

He gave a low whistle. “Okay, so Commander Nero has always been two degrees away from being a serial killer?”

“Well, he did try to kill a Kaminoan when he was five standard.”

He gaped at her. “He did what? And he’s alive?”

“That’s when he was transferred to the Chaos Batch,” she answered easily. “And also when he was tested for sociopathy. He just has a very rigid view of right and wrong, and a penchant for finding the simplest solution to his problems. But his emotional depth is perfectly normal.”

Sevenset could only nod. So the weird vibes he’d gotten from Commander Nero were well deserved. Granted, he’d never felt actively threatened by the man. He just had understood that if Nero had wanted it, Sevenset would have been dead faster than he could say his own name.

“Uh…huh,” he answered. “And Commander Sixes… has he always been that prickly? Grumpy, as some would say.”

She shook her head. “No, Bacara’s the one they call Grumpy. Sixes was… well. Geonosis One changed a lot of your older brothers. He’s a sweetheart to his core.”

A what? A sweetheart? The guy in all-black armor whose callsign was Death was a sweetheart? Sevenset’s mind reeled.

“Not that he’d ever admit it,” Tumun continued as they turned the corner to the neighboring corridor. “They’re all stubborn as hell, but they had determination and ingenuity like I’d never seen in a squad of cadets before. Bacara once stayed up all night putting together what he called a ‘flawless battle strategy’ for the four of them, and it was. He took into account each of their strengths and weaknesses, and they absolutely demolished the squad they were facing the next day.”

“No kidding,” he said. Small wonder the Marines were some of the most efficient soldiers in the GAR. With a commander like that… well.

“But they also invented Knife Monopoly while drunk for the first time,” she mused, a fond smile on her face. “And Sixes and Nero once shot each other during a concocted ‘duel,’ and they both have scars from it.” She shook her head. “Even genetic manipulation can’t stop teenagers from being teenagers.”

Sevenset was honestly approaching speechlessness. All that came out in reply to those world-shattering revelations was, “Oh.” His mind felt like a speeder without altitude stabilizers.

“We’re here,” Tumun said, stopping near an arched door back into the medical wing. She raised her vambrace, tapping a message. “These are the coordinates to the Genetics Hall. It’s near the incubation wings. I’ll go find Tup.”

“Got it,” he nodded, his brain struggling a little to recover from the previous conversation.

“What is Tup’s designation?” she asked.

“Uh…” He commed Fives.

“Are you here?”

“Starting there now. What’s Tup’s designation?”

“CT fifty-three eighty-five.”

Tumun nodded. “I’ll go find him. I promise,” she added, pressing a closed fist across her chest. A Mandalorian salute.

He nodded back, then took off at a jog toward where he knew the incubators were. He didn’t know what kind of time frame Fives was on, but he had to assume it wasn’t a long one. He offered passing excuses and thank yous as he dodged around doctors and troopers in the hallways, but honestly, Colt had made him run enough laps through the city that even if someone asked him what he was doing, he’d just say tell them that. No one would even blink.

Ten minutes. It took him almost ten minutes to get there. Something closer to seven, probably, but still. It felt too long. When the door was in sight, he opened his comm again.

“Fives, I’m near the main doors, what’s your status?”

“This shit just gets worse and worse, I’m telling you–” he replied angrily.

The door opened, making Sevenset look up hopefully. But no. Kaminoans were filing out of the room. Quietly, seemingly unbothered, but… no. Too quickly. Too orderly.

“Buddy, they know you’re in there,” he said, keeping his voice down.

“Yeah, I see it.”

Well. Sevenset was nothing if not recklessly impulsive at his core. “I’m coming with you,” he said, disconnecting the comm before Fives could argue, then darting towards the door.

The Kaminoans didn’t stop him. They moved out of his way, if anything. As he passed the threshold, he heard more hurried footsteps approaching from the opposite corridor from which he’d come.

“Time go, pal!” he called, now out-right sprinting to Fives. Force, he looked weird in shiny armor.

“You’re a kriffing moron, Sevens!” he shouted, following an AZ medical droid towards… oh, an emergency hatch in the ceiling. Smart.

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know,” he shot back.

“There!” someone shouted behind them. Then stun rings began blazing past them as they ran.

Maker’s sake, they really wanted this guy! Sevenset would have been impressed, if he weren’t running away from them too. He practically flung himself up the yellow rungs of the ladder behind Fives, pulling himself into the emergency hatch after him and stepping back so the AZ could weld it shut.

Then he turned to Fives.

“Okay, so you’re in a stupendous amount of shit.”

“You didn’t have to follow me!” he shot back.

“Too bad! You’re my friend, and I have reckless tendencies,” he replied, tossing his hands in the air.

“I do not meant to interrupt,” said the droid, holding up one of its metal fingers, “but we have research to finish.”

“Finish?” Fives repeated, looking at it. “You didn’t get everything you needed?”

“Hey, I’ve an idea,” Sevenset cut in. “How about we walk and talk, yeah? Where the hell are you going?”

“What information do you still need, AZ?” Fives asked the droid.

“Well,” the droid began, sounding, as many droids did, way too calm for the amount of pressure riding on the current situation, “we know it is an organic chip, created and implanted into clone Tup’s brain.”

Sevenset put his hands on his hips and looked at Fives.

“We found a thing in Tup’s brain, it’s not from the original genetic material from Prime, so someone had to put it there,” he supplied.

“What I am not sure of,” AZ went on, turning his body around and rummaging in his storage compartment, “is at what stage of development the chip is implanted, and its purpose.”

“And we don’t know if it’s in my brain too,” Fives added, which made Sevenset’s gaze snap back to him.

“Excuse me?” Fives had reason to believe that whatever made Tup execute a Jedi General was also in his head?

The droid spoke up, now holding a glass slide containing something suspiciously flesh-colored. “Your scans did not indicate—”

“Neither did Tup’s, until we looked deeper,” Fives insisted. “If they missed it in Tup, they can miss it in me. We have to check.”

A horrible thought came unbidden to Sevenset’s mind. If this thing was in Fives and Tup… then it could be in his head too, right?

“And if it is?” he heard himself ask.

His friend looked at him.

“If it is in your head too?”

“Then he takes it out,” Fives said firmly, tilting his bucket towards AZ.

The droid rose in the air slightly, his visual receptors shining a bit brighter in shock. “That is a dangerous surgery. When I removed clone Tup’s chip, his overall health greatly worsened.”

“I’ll risk it.”

“Hey–wait, what?” Sevenset held up his hands. “‘Greatly worsened?’ What does that mean?”

“He’s still alive,” Fives said, then turned back to AZ. “Are you gonna help, or not?”

“We will need to return to a medical facility,” the droid said, drifting slightly towards Sevenset, intending to pass him.

“Fives, mate,” he said, stepping in front of the droid. “This is a lot. Are you sure you’re—”

Fives stepped over the round hole in the floor where the hatch was. “Tup is one of my best friends. He’s hurting because someone put this thing in his head. Maybe they put this thing into all of our heads. Now, the Kaminoans know something they’re not willing to let me find out.”

“And that might be a good thing,” Sevenset argued. “Listen, I’m not one to trust the long-necks, but we’re not scientists, Fives.”

“This thing made Tup kill a Jedi!” his friend exclaimed. “You want that? You wanna wake up one day a prisoner in your own head, watching your body hunt down General Ti and shoot her?”

“Don’t do that,” he told him, his voice dropping to a dark pitch.

“It’s the truth,” Fives told him. “I need to know how far this goes. You should too.”

Truthfully, Sevenset was curious. Inherently so, some would say. But he wasn’t an idiot, like the others would also say. What Fives was doing was dangerous. A medical procedure like brain surgery wasn’t without risk, even when performed by a droid designed like AZ. But something nagged at the back of his mind, like a child very softly tugging at a parent’s clothing for attention. He couldn’t ignore it forever.

The truth was, Fives wasn’t an idiot either. Hell, he was one of the most caring brothers he’d met, and that included himself.

He sighed, rubbing his face roughly. “Gods, Echo’s gonna kill me for helping you.”

“Yeah.” His friend’s voice sounded hollow at the mention of his batchmate. Probably not the kindest thing Sevenset could have brought up. “AZ, lead the way,” he said.

The droid whirred as he rose higher up the ladder, and Sevenset let Fives follow him before bringing up the rear. They climbed about three levels before the droid cut left. They followed doggedly, turning a few times before dropping back down two more levels. Finally, AZ paused, hovering over a hatch.

“Is this it?” Fives asked, squatting down.

The droid appeared to nod. “Yes. This is a hatch to the D-wing of the medical building. As of now, I can detect no noise on the other side of this hatch.”

Fives hesitated briefly, then took a breath, handing off his stolen blaster to Sevenset so he could hop down to open the hatch. He twisted the yellow wheel slowly, trying to minimize the noise. When it was finally open, he let it down as slowly as he could, and Sevenset reached out to grab the back of his utility belt to steady him as he leaned down.

“All clear,” he reported. He sat back up, then lowered himself down.

AZ followed him, and Sevenset tossed down the blaster so he could have his hands free to follow them. AZ let them into one of the medical examination rooms. It all went so smoothly, Sevenset found himself momentarily baffled. Wouldn’t the Kamino Guard have troopers posted at every emergency tunnel entrance in the whole medical wing? Weird.

“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Fives said, removing his helmet and setting both it and his blaster on a tray beside the bed. Bed was a generous term. Table was better. He lifted himself onto it.

“And you’re sure this is the thing to do?” he asked again. He already knew the answer, he just couldn’t help it.

“It’s just gonna be a scan and maybe some surgery.”

“Yeah, it’s the maybe I’m worried about, Fives,” he said, watching AZ pull up the scanning machine and begin to program it.

“Knowing what I know now about these chips,” the droid said, poking buttons on the touchscreen, “I do not need to scan at the atomic level. Due to the inorganic compounds present in these chips, a molecular examination should suffice.”

“Is that good?” Sevenset asked as Fives lay down.

“A molecular scan does not put as much strain on the subject.”

He nodded vaguely. So it was good.

AZ brought the ring-shaped scanner around to position it around Fives’ head. “Please remain still and do not speak during the examination,” he said, sounding routine. “Close your eyes and keep them closed until told to open them.”

Fives did as instructed, and Sevenset stood at the foot of the table to watch. AZ tapped a button to begin the examination, and the ring-shaped machine whirred into action, a slow green-ish blue light beginning to travel around the inner circumference.

The exam was probably pretty short, considering the number of actions AZ completed during the time, but the seconds felt like they were moving like drying mud to Sevenset. The droid hovered next to a screen on the side of the room, where a diagram or image of Fives’ brain was slowly developing. After what was probably a minute or so, a red dot appeared on the screen.

AZ hummed a short note of… what, surprise? Acknowledgement? Droids… so hard to parse. Then he flew back over to the scanning device and tapped a few buttons to power it down. When the interior light had fully faded out, he moved the device away.

“You may open your eyes,” he said cheerfully.

Fives blinked his eyes open slowly, looking groggy all of a sudden. Sevenset moved to his side.

“You alright, mate?” he asked, holding out a hand.

“Bit of a headache,” Fives admitted. “But it’s fading.” He took his hand and hauled himself up into a sitting position. Sevenset eyed him carefully. “What’s the word, AZ?”

“By ‘the word,’ I assume you mean the results of the scan?”

“Yes.”

“They are identical to clone Tup,” the droid chirped, moving to the side so Fives and Sevenset could see the screen. “The same tumor appears in the same location in your brain.”

“Sithspit,” Fives hissed, rubbing his head. “Can you take it out?”

“Of course.”

“Then do it,” he said, resuming his previous position on the table.

As AZ began preparing, Sevenset’s comm went off, so he stepped away to answer it. It was Trainer Tumun.

“I have Tup secure,” she reported. “Someone is in transit to collect him and get him to safety.”

He looked up to Fives, who had turned his head to listen. “Hear that?”

Fives nodded, a brief wave of relief washing over his features before he settled back to let AZ begin.

Sevenset turned away. He was fine with blood, but he had no desire to see the inside of Fives’ skull. “Thank you, ma’am. We know the one-eighteenth can be trusted with this.”

There was a pause, since Tumun hadn’t known of their affiliations with Nero’s battalion. But, time was waning, and she must have thought better than to waste any by starting down that winding path. “If I can, I’ll let you know when they have him secure.”

“Much appreciated, ma’am.”

“Hopefully, the ruckus I caused can help you and Fives get the information you need.”

He nodded. “Absolutely. We’re working on it.”

“I wish you the best. Good hunting, ARCs.”

The comm disconnected. He could still hear AZ working, so he kept his attention firmly on the set of window controls below the oval window separating this room from the next. Currently, it was opaque, but the buttons underneath could turn it transparent or translucent if so desired. He was impressed by his own ability to not mess with them.

Mainly because his mind was too busy reeling over the information he’d learned in such a short time.

Somehow, both Fives and Tup had little semi-organic chips in their brains that had been implanted by… someone, who knew whom that had been, and that was uncomfortable enough. But Tup’s had looked… sick. He’d lost his mind, almost as literally as a sentient being could, and that alone sent chills down his spine. If more clones had these chips… then way more of them than just Tup were capable of outright murdering Jedi.

Or anyone.

“The operation is complete.”

He jolted. How much time had passed? He hadn’t checked the time before. Shit. How long had they stayed in one place? That was dangerous. Fives was waking up. AZ held a second glass compartment, examining the contents.

“Well?” he asked, walking over to put hands on Fives to remind himself he was okay.

“This is new,” AZ said. “The chip removed from clone trooper Tup was severely degraded in function and structure, but this one is entirely healthy.”

Fives groaned quietly, his hand rising to his head, only to bump into the metal device still implanted there. His hair had been shorn around it, making for a rather unsightly haircut. Maybe he could pass it off as a fade if he shaved the other side to match?

“Okay, so… Tup was an accident?” he said. “He didn’t mean it. He was sick.”

“That is the most likely scenario,” AZ replied, his body rotating around so he could place Fives’ chip in his storage compartment with Tup’s.

“What are the chances this thing’s in my head too?” Sevenset dared to ask.

“Given you are from the same generation of clones,” the droid said, tapping his fingers together with something resembling nervousness, “the chances are not exactly… low.”

He’d already suspected as much. Judging by the look on Fives’ face, he felt the same. Nice of him to not share it until Sevenset was ready. Alright, well, if he was ever going to have brain surgery, having it on his own terms seemed like a great time for it.

Holding out a hand to Fives again, he helped him off the table, giving a look that asked if he was alright, and receiving a nod in return. “Might as well mark brain surgery off my bucket list,” he said, hoisting himself onto the table.

“You haven’t been scanned,” Fives said, gesturing to the machine. “You don’t know if you even have this thing.”

Sevenset rolled his eyes, desperate to cover up the anxiety rising in his system. “Yeah, I think we all kinda know it’s gonna be there. Better to just save myself the headache, right? We’ve been here too long as it is.”

Fives couldn’t argue with the last point. The longer they stayed in one place, the more likely it was someone would find them. They needed to move, and if this got it done faster, then so be it. His friend looked a little helpless for a split second before nodding and stepping back.

“Are you sure?” AZ asked. “Without a scan, I will have to estimate where the cells are located—”

“And you’re a smart droid,” Sevenset cut in, lying back on the table. “You’ll do fine. It’s probably exactly where Fives’ was. We are clones, after all, right?”

After a second or two of processing, the droid nodded. “Very well.” He flew over to a barely visible cabinet underneath the display screens at the back wall, and retrieved what supplies he would need. Normally, they would have been laid out, but he’d used them on Fives already. He held up a large syringe which Sevenset was not thrilled about. “This will not hurt—”

“Yes, it will,” Fives cut him off.

“It will only hurt a bit,” the droid corrected, and Sevenset braced himself.

It did hurt. Quite a bit, actually, like injecting fire under the skin of his neck. But, after only a few seconds, the pain had faded, and the rest of the world faded out as well.

-scene break-

He woke up to his comm blinking at him, telling him a new message had arrived. As he had suspected, AZ held a sample identical to the one that had come out of Fives' head. Holy Force. Once AZ gave him the all-clear, he opened his comm, scanning it quickly as he and Fives readied themselves for whatever came next. There wasn't time to process what had just happened.

“Where are we going next?” he asked,his eyes fixed on the thing AZ had taken out of his head. Gross. It made his skin crawl like an itchy sweater he couldn’t take off.

“The incubation rooms,” AZ answered, flying over to the door. “We must find out how many clones have these implanted chips, and when they are implanted into your cell structure.”

Sevenset nodded. “Alright. Let’s visit some tubies.” He paused to open his comm. “Uh… I take it we’re keeping our activities unknown to your batcher?” he asked.

“Please,” Fives said, looking terribly guilty.

He started typing a reply as they hurried out of the room.

CrispyDomino: Rex says he’s on his way back, how’s Fives?

RedBoiiiii: peachy!

CrispyDomino: oh good

CrispyDomino: do you know how Tup’s doing?

RedBoiiiii: uhh more tests?

d0nut man: aw that’s too bad :(

d0nut man: might it have anything to do with the 118th’s unplanned visit to Kamino right now?

CrispyDomino: What.

RedBoiiii: I’m sure it’s nothing Zero

Double Trouble: guys he just used capitalization correctly…

RedBoiiii: dosido i do no t need this right now

DEATH: And where is Fives in this conversation?

RedBoiiiii: he doesnt have his comm

RedBoiiiii: they had to clear him had to get his kit off

CrispyDomino: Do you know he’s okay?

RedBoiiiii: like i said, peachy

d0nut man: uh yeah, i wasn’t joking about an unplanned stop in the Kamino system.

d0nut man: what are we doing here

DEATH: I have a terrible feeling about this

DressedtotheNines: Please don’t say that, every time Kenobi says that, bad stuff happens

Leafs: Wait, Echo left Sevenset in charge of Fives?

CrispyDomino: Yes

Loopy: wait why

CrispyDomino: Bc I assume he got to ARC trooper SOMEHOW

RedBoiiiii: look hes’ fine!!! I’m still with him!!

DEATH: Nero’s hiding something. The 118th is definitely going to Kamino for crimes.

CrispyDomino: CRIMES???

d0nut man: oooohh yay I hope it’s kidnapping :)

d0nut man: that’s my favorite crime

d0nut man: been in a high crimes and misdemeanors kinda mood lately

Leafs: I have so many questions I do not want answers for.

CrispyDomino: Okay okay, since I’m about to go into another firefight

CrispyDomino: I am choosing to believe the crimes and my batcher are unrelated.

RedBoiiiii: good choice

Double Trouble: they are so related

Loopy: yeah, definitely

Submarine: Hey… probably a bad time to ask, but is anyone else going on leave soon?

d0nut man: well we were suPPOSED TO

Loopy: not official leave, just stopping by 000 for a restock n stuff, but yeah

Leafs: I do have leave soon, yes

DressedtotheNines: Yeah, we’re here already, set for a couple weeks

DEATH: Get some noodles. I’m sure Mira and Saleha will be overjoyed to see you.

RedBoiiiii: aw that’s actually sweet!

DEATH: They haven’t met you yet, don’t get your hopes up.

RedBoiiiii: :/

RedBoiiiii: Hey sir

RedBoiiiii: Is it true you and cmdr bacara invented Knife Monopoly when drunk the first time?

Double Trouble: THEY DID WHAT NOW???

Submarine: Oh is that why so many Novas play that game?

Leafs: Wait it’s an actual game?? With knives??

Loopy: it better have knives, i’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t

CrispyDomino: Sevenset you are supposed to be watching my brother

CrispyDomino: not tempting Death himself

DressedtotheNines: I … I’m not sure what to think

d0nut man: I think Seven’s about to vanish under mysterious circumstances

Submarine: Yes, it does involve knives. I’ve never played though.

DEATH: Echo, I have it on good authority that the kid you sent to Kamino is in good hands

CrispyDomino: WHOSE AUTHORITY

DEATH: My old trainer

RedBoiiiii: she didn’t mention anything else…?

DEATH: She told me everything.

DEATH: But for now, all these laser brains need to know is it is being handled.

CrispyDomino: There’s an EVERYTHING???

RedBoiiiii: an Everything that is fine, yes!

-scene break-

All of them.

Every single clone.

Sevenset looked from the glowing green lights on the display screen to the tower of growth tubes before them.

All of them had these things in their heads, waiting for activation. Activation for what? AZ hadn’t been able to figure out what these bioengineered things could be used for. The only data point they had was Tup, and he had been whisked off somewhere by Trainer Tumun. Hopefully.

“So that means…” Fives said, pulling off his helmet, “we’re all part of this. Whatever reason these things exist, it… it affects all of us.”

“It would appear so, yes.” Even AZ looked as surprised as he could.

The sudden sound of a door hissing as it slid open made them all spin around, Fives automatically raising his blaster.

Kark.

It was Nala Se, one of the head doctors on Kamino, and a distinctly unpleasant person. She approached with raised hands.

“Stay where you are,” Fives told her sharply. Sevenset wanted to edge closer to him, just in case he did something really stupid, but he didn’t move.

“Why are you doing this?” the doctor asked.

“Take a guess,” he shot back before Fives could. “You thought you could cover up putting bioengineered hardware into our brains, and no one would notice? No one would get curious?”

The doctor ignored or otherwise dismissed the blatant threat Fives posed, and continued to approach them with her hands visible. “Curious about what?” she asked peaceably.

Sevenset moved to the side, revealing the display screen and gesturing at it. “This?” he demanded. Fives flanked the doctor and corralled her towards the screen. “What is it?”

“That is a structural inhibitor chip,” she explained, her voice never changing. It always freaked him out that Kaminoans had little to no inflection. Like somehow, their scientific findings had placed them above emotions. “It is supposed to prevent you from being aggressive,” she went on, looking over her shoulder at Fives, who still had a blaster on her. “Like your source, Jango Fett.”

Sevenset laughed. Dry and cynical. “Less aggressive?” he said. “I’m sorry, have you met some of the Alphas? And who thinks of putting an inhibitor on aggression in soldiers, eh?”

“Jedi Master Sypho Dias instructed us to introduce these structures during the growth cycle,” Nala Se replied evenly.

Fives blinked, casting a glance at Sevenset. “The Jedi did this?”

“No way.” Sevenset shook his head. “If the Jedi wanted this done—if they were the ones to blueprint this thing—then why did General Ti have no idea about it? She’s been here for ages.”

Nala Se’s enormous eyes narrowed. “I do not pretend to know the workings of the Jedi.”

“The Jedi wouldn’t do this,” he repeated, pointing to the tower of tubies next to them.

“It is not uncommon to put inhibitors in clones.”

AZ had spun his body around and dug out Tup’s chip. “I have analyzed clone Tup’s inhibitor chip. Apparently, it has failed.”

“Until this point,” Nala Se said, glaring at Fives, “there has never been a problem.”

“Well, I specialize in making my own problems,” Sevenset told her, taking a step toward her.

“And you’ve got a big one right now,” Fives growled, nudging the nose of his blaster into the small of the doctor’s back for emphasis.

Sevenset saw the door open this time, allowing General Ti and a few Kamino Guards into the room. Fives darted around Nala Se, keeping her between them and the new threats.

“Don’t move!” one of the guards ordered as they ran.

They came to a stop upon realizing the doctor was between them and their targets. General Ti ignited her lightsaber. “Drop your weapon,” she demanded.

“Did you know about this?” Fives replied, jerking his head to indicate the display screen. “The inhibitor chips the Jedi ordered them to put in our brains?”

She surveyed them, calculating. “I have no recollection of any one of my Order informing me of such things. Do you have evidence?”

AZ whirred forward, still holding Tup’s chip. “Right here,” he said. “This is the chip taken from clone trooper Tup. As you can see, it appears blackened and rotten. This sickness caused the malfunction.”

“But what caused the sickness?” the Jedi wanted to know.

“We don’t know,” Sevenset admitted.

“It doesn’t matter!” Fives argued. “What matters is it happened. And it could happen again. More clones could turn against their Jedi, or their brothers. The entire Republic Army could be compromised if someone figured out a way to activate these chips on purpose!”

That was something Sevenset had not considered yet. It hadn’t occurred to him that these chips might have a purpose outside of… well, they didn’t know yet. What if there was a manual activation? Or a secret code?

“There is no proof of any of this!” Nala Se interjected, finally showing some of the frustration she must have been feeling for a while. “This is an isolated incident. Besides, when you removed Tup’s chip, his health deteriorated immensely.”

Rude.

“We’re fine, aren’t we?” Fives said, raising an eyebrow at her.

“What does that matter?”

“We removed our chips as well,” Sevenset said, pointing to the bandage over the incision on his skull.

AZ held up the chips. “Here they are, very healthy.”

“Then you are both threats and should be considered dangerous,” Nala Se said sharply. “Master Jedi, they should be terminated immediately.”

“I am not a piece of kriffing hardware!” Fives exclaimed, and Sevenset had to agree with him on his anger.

“We’re ARC troopers,” he added. “We’ve laid our lives on the line for the Republic countless times, and you want to terminate us because we found out about your chips?”

“Because you have removed your chips,” Nala Se hissed at him. “And technically, you are both property of the Kaminoan government.”

Sevenset blinked, honestly shocked. He knew the Kaminoans weren’t to be trusted, nor did they place any real value in a trooper’s life, but to hear it like that? To actually be labeled property? He’d have gotten no better on Nal Hutta. Or Zyggeria! Were these chips… they couldn’t be slave chips, could they?

“Correction.” General Ti’s strong voice cut through his spiraling thoughts. She extinguished her blade and lowered the hilt to her side. “Technically, they are ‘property’ of the Republic.”

“They are a danger to themselves and to others,” Nala Se argued, her small head swaying on her long neck as she struggled to remain civilized. “They must be terminated.”

“Oh, for Maker’s sake,” Sevenset spat. “Just say killed. It’s what you mean, right? You wanna kill us? Don’t hide behind words as long as your neck.”

“I believe,” said General Ti, cutting off the doctor’s reply, “their fates are for me to decide.” She lifted her chin. “Fives, you are coming with me to Coruscant. Sevenset will accompany him. You will tell your story to the Chancellor.”

The Chancellor? He was going to see the Chancellor himself? Not an aide, not Mas Amedda, but the actual, real-live Chancellor, who got his robe unravelled by Commander Thire that one time?

Nala Se finally moved, harshly pushing away the blaster Fives had been holding half-heartedly at her chest. “Master Jedi—”

“Sounds great, when do we leave?” Sevenset interrupted, hurrying to get ahead of her.

He could feel Nala Se’s enormous grey eyes boring into the back of his head.

“The chancellor wanted all the data on Tup, correct?” General Ti continued, a confident light in her eyes as she typed something into her comm unit. “We’re sending the data, Tup’s tumor, and the two other samples, and Fives and Sevenset will go with them.”

The Kaminoan doctor drew herself up to her full, impressive height. “Then I am going with them.”

Oh, please no. Sevenset had exactly zero desire to spend several hours in hyperspace with her anywhere near him. He saw Fives felt similarly, and he turned his gaze to the general, hoping to communicate just how much he didn’t want this to happen.

But her hands must have been tied. She narrowed her eyes slightly, but agreed. “As you wish, Doctor.”

The door opened yet again, admitting a small team of Kamino Guards bearing two stretchers between them. Sevenset watched Fives sit down on one before doing the same on the other.

“Thank you, General,” Fives said as the Jedi began to turn away. “For believing us.”

“It’s not a matter of belief, Fives,” she told him, her face impassible. “It is simply the right thing to do.”

…Jedi.

In watching her leave, Sevenset was caught off guard by one of the guards approaching him with a syringe in his hand. He instantly shied away from it, holding a hand up. “Whoa, hold on. What is that?” He looked over to Fives, seeing him rub his neck as another guard walked away from him.

“A weak sedative.”

“I don’t want a sedative,” he said. “I don’t care if it’s weaker than a day-old porg.”

“It’s preventative.”

“Against?” he asked, a little flummoxed. “What, you think I’m gonna jump up and escape? Escape where?”

“It’s not my call,” the guard replied, sounding a little apologetic.

He glanced up at Nala Se, whose back was to him as she followed the general out of the room. Probably standard procedure. Probably. He still didn’t want it.

“Don’t give it to me, or I will jump up and do something about it,” he said, then lay back on the stretcher. “Now get going.”

The guard looked confused, standing there without purpose. But eventually, the guard manning the stretcher just shook his head and turned him toward the doors. Good. His method of wasting people’s time until they gave him what he wanted was still effective. Now… on to Coruscant.

What will happen on Coruscant?? What will the chancellor do?? Will Nala Se finally hit her head on a doorframe?? All that and MORE next month ;) Unless I can't help myself and I post it for the Number Lads 1 year anniversary this month In addition: Maral Tumun is another OC by my friend 23-bears and me. I drew her during OC-tober last year, here.

@23-bears @theultimatesandwich @mercurydancer @persimminwrites @beskarmermaid @darth-void @rndmpeep

[notesonartistry]

Hii argentinian anon! thanks for the heads up, I've seen their tweets and just yikes ajajaj. I'm going to be careful and stick to my friends and I do know muchachos, I became a fifa during the world cup 🤣.

Hii Em, this week mission was to book the flight and now we're planning what to do, if you have any recs that would be so nice! I love their alfajores too, they're so gooood I'm planning to bring a lot of them home. It still doesn't feel real that i'm going to see taylor -🐢 galapagos anon

Hey! Glad you've already got the song memorised - stay safe!

It's a long time since I was in Buenos Aires so things have probably changed a bit, but I loved all the colourful buildings in La Boca, and there was a cafe I loved next to Recoleta Park (La Biela) where I used to sit for ages watching the world go by and there were often people dancing tango too. I'm not sure if it still opens and closes, but I really enjoyed the Floralis Generica too - it's really cool. And wandering the San Telmo street market. Just generally, I loved the architecture and the abundance of parks. Have an amazing time!!

[alltheshadesofamber]

Wait, okay can you please tell me what the canon characterization of Jason is? I’m a new comics fan and it’s so hard to separate canon and fanon traits from the batfam sometimes and I’d appreciate any and all insight 🙏 I really want to write a batfam fic w/ Jason in it but have been too scared of accidentally mischaracterizing him to start lol

Thank you for asking this! I hope you don’t regret it! 😂 I’ve never really written meta before, I struggle with formatting essays, and it’s been a while since I’ve written anything really at all, so sorry if it doesn’t flow well! I basically just periodically added something to it whenever I thought of it. Sooo this ended up longer than I thought it would be! 😅

This is all my personal interpretations of Jason’s character, disjointed as it may be! I’ll also admit that characterization can be tweaked depending on what you want out of the story, and I am not immune to this! And when it comes to pre-Crisis and post-Crisis Robin!Jason, I’ll admit I do get a little turned about regarding what may or may not be canon anymore, because in my opinion it’s not really clear! I do my best to weave some stuff together to make some stuff make sense, but this really isn’t something I’m used to putting down on paper into words, and I’m sure some other people have done or could do better. Furthermore, I prefer to take post-New 52 stuff with a massive grain of salt, because the New 52 was just. Yikes! Honestly most Jason stuff even pre-New 52 is just inconsistent. If you’re a Jason fan you prooooobably already know that though! His characterization is a tangled mess! Why do I even like him? Answer: He makes my brain go brrrrrr. I did my best to wrangle my thoughts here.

None of this is consistent either. My thoughts on Jason change like. All the time. This isn’t even all of them. And like, I tried to stick mostly to canon, but I will admit even I am willing to bend on this stuff a bit to make relations a little smoother in my head sometimes.

Also people are complicated and composed of contradictions, and every character can be said to be an unreliable narrator of their own story! I think that’s something important to keep in mind when it comes to my interpretations, and I tried to have that come across. Without further ado, my collected Jason Todd ramblings:

Let me start by saying, I just think Jason’s fascinating. And cool! I like his potential for depth and his leather jackets and his righteous fury and his refusal to be ignored or forgotten and his determination and his sense of humor and his intelligence and his attitude and I just think he’s great.

Jason was a good kid! He was the best kid, actually. He had a rough life, but he never gave up and he made do with what he had. He was scrappy. He was funny! I feel like an important part of Jason’s original post-Crisis origin to mention is the fact that he made Batman laugh. That’s always stuck out as important to me, and I’ve always felt it should be important for defining Jason and Bruce’s relationship and Jason as Robin and Jason in general, and I’m disappointed it’s been left out of later reimaginings as far as I’m aware. Jason Todd is the kid who made Batman laugh! Not only that, he made Bruce Wayne laugh, on the anniversary of his parents’ deaths, in the very spot where they died in Crime Alley! Jason was a light in Bruce’s life. Jason made him laugh. He did that. And little 11/12 year old Jason, when faced with a Batman he had just stolen tires from and having been caught in the act, was fearless. He wasn’t cowed at all! He denied taking the tires to his face, then he hit the goddamn Batman with a tire iron and ran away daring Batman to catch him! “Try and catch me, you big boob!” He had gumption and spirit to spare! And on top of that, he had an unflagging desire to do good. Batman sent him to a school to get Jason off the streets and somewhere safe, and when it turned out the school was actually a front for criminal enterprises, what did Jason do? He could’ve walked away. It would’ve been understandable, he was just a kid. But no. Jason decided that he had a duty, a responsibility. So he tried to stop a museum heist. And that’s when Bruce took him in, post-Crisis. So what have we established about Jason so far? He’s funny, he’s daring, he’s cheeky! He’s got an unrelenting desire to do good and a sense of responsibility to do so that most fully grown people don’t have. And Jason was a great Robin. He was smart, eager to learn, eager to help people and so very earnest about it all. He was a sweetheart. He was kind and considerate, sensitive and so so empathetic. He had a bleeding heart and he wore it on his sleeve. And I don’t know why I’m saying “was,” not really, because he still is most, if not all, of those things, even if they don’t present in exactly the same way anymore, or aren’t as obvious.

He excelled at school and he cared about it, it was important to him. He wouldn’t stand for injustice, and he wouldn’t keep quiet about it. He was exceptionally bright, gave everything his all, and he was recognized and praised for it by Bruce and Alfred. Dick liked him too. As Robin, Jason was never discouraged or led to believe he wasn’t good enough by any external forces. Bruce was actually very vocal and communicative about how great he thought Jason was.

I also have a particular fondness for Robin!Jason’s adventures with the Titans. His talk with Donna showed him to be responsible, level-headed, humble, intuitive, and very insightful! He’s able to get to the heart of what Donna’s dealing with and give her solid advice, while at the same time reminding her that he’s just a kid and he’s still got a lot to learn and he knows it. He’s also able to deduce that Roy is hiding something, as well as what that something may be.

Bruce suspecting him of killing Garzonas, Sheila betraying him to the Joker, dying brutally and bloodily, coming back, digging his way out of his own grave, regaining awareness only to find out that the Joker was still alive, Batman had a new Robin… that he had died, that he’d loved them so much, put his faith and trust in his new family, and he’d been forgotten? Replaced? As though he meant nothing to them? That his death hadn’t changed anything? It broke Jason. It shattered him to pieces. But as previously established, Jason is nothing if not resilient. Irrepressible. An unstoppable force. He put in the time, the effort, the sweat and tears (and there were tears when he first broke. Jason’s first reaction to the news about the Joker and a new Robin was heartbreak. He was devastated. The anger came later. And it was a righteous kind of anger) and he remade himself. Jason melted down the broken pieces of who he was, honed his skills to mastery levels with a frightening dedication and speed, and through trials by fire, forged himself into a weapon on par with Batman.

He’s resilient, in all ways. He can take a beating, he can take pain, he can take disappointment and betrayal and failure, and every time he will rally and come back swinging. He’s determined and dedicated. He’s got an insane work ethic, and learning comes ridiculously easy to him. He doesn’t get daunted or intimidated, not really. He’s a survivor. He looks the worst of the worst in the face and he doesn’t back down.

Jason has never been afraid or hesitant to make his feelings clear, and he intrinsically knows his own worth. He’s never been shy to say when he feels he’s been mistreated. He doesn’t expect the best of others, not anymore, not really (but maybe there is some flickering flame of hope he can’t quite smother—) but he has self-respect and no doubts about it (maybe some fleeting thoughts of “was it my fault? Did Bruce ever really love me? Was I a bad Robin? Etc” but we all have those kinds of intrusive thoughts, don’t we?)

He’s confident, because he has the skills to back it up. He’s self-aware, to an extent; he knows his limits, knows what he can and can’t do, and he knows when it’s time to call it a day and retreat. But also if he’s going down he will not go down without a fight, and he will drag you down with him. He likes to cause problems on purpose, and he escalates; you hit him, he’ll hit back harder.

It’s established that there’s a bomb in his helmet. I think that says a lot. I don’t think he ever intended to survive his showdown with Bruce, but I also don’t think he wanted to die, not really. I think he might have seen it as inevitable though. Or maybe he didn’t want to live in a world where his dad didn’t kill his murderer. I don’t know. I’m not sure Jason knows either.

He’s snarky and quick-witted, razor-sharp and acerbic and irreverent. His wields his words just as skillfully as he does all the other weapons at his disposal. But also sometimes he’s just having fun and being annoying for the sake of it. He’s frighteningly intelligent, despite what more recent writers would like you to believe. He’s a great detective, and he has a wide range of skills and he’s mastered all of them. He’s an overachiever to the core. He’s hypercompetent. He puts his all into everything he does. He’s good at reading people, better than anyone thinks he is, which is possibly linked to that strong empathy I mentioned earlier. He does have a flare for the dramatic, and he is very very good at it. He’s got theatricality, he’s a master showman. He’s resourceful and clever.

Jason is immensely skilled! He spent a year going around the world, learning all the same skills Bruce learned, but with the training wheels off, so to speak. And he mastered each one in record time! He didn’t just become proficient, he mastered them! He surpassed his teachers! And it only took him at most a few weeks each time! He learns incredibly quickly and picking up skills and techniques comes naturally to him. Jason’s more than a match for Bruce on a strictly physical level. (Sometimes post-Flashpoint does have its cool moments, like that time Jason took out a bunch of heroes pursuing him, a group including Bruce and Damian, all while falling off a building, if I’m remembering that right) And when it comes to the mental level? Jason’s a master tactician and strategist. He’s outmaneuvered Batman multiple times over the years, even on the fly. He was two steps ahead of Bruce all of UtRH.

I don’t see Jason as especially reckless or impulsive, at least no more so than any of the other Bats. I think he processes things very quickly and is very adaptive. So it might seem as though he’s taking a major risk or acting without thinking, but in reality he’s thought through his options and his risks and decisions are carefully calculated.

He’s not afraid of the Joker. This is made clear in UtRH.

He’s completely in control of his own actions and he always has been. “Lazarus Pit Madness” isn’t a prolonged or recurrent phenomena, and his feelings and homicidal actions are all his own, for better or worse. I personally just dislike that bit of fanon very much. I feel it takes away his agency and turns his very real issues and feelings and dismisses them in favor of excusing his actions and absolving him of the blame. I get why people like it and latch on to it and use it, because it makes writing happier Batfam dynamics easier, gives an excuse to speed up reconciliation, and gets rid of any consequences for his actions, except of course angst and guilt when needed. But I just don’t like it. I think it reduces him as a character.

I don’t think he loses sleep over killing. At least not when he’s first reintroduced. But later characterizations may vary.

I honestly don’t know what I feel about Jason’s relationship with Alfred is or should or would be after Jason’s return. There’s not much canon to extrapolate from, if I remember correctly. I know that’s led to a lot of popular fanon being about them reconnecting and having a fairly smooth and accepting relationship, and I’ll accept that when it comes up in fic, but. I don’t know. I don’t really feel it. And the lack of canon to draw on in the wake of UtRH sort of works against that interpretation for me, and in my opinion lends more credence to the opposite. I also think that relationship (really all of Jason’s relationships) deserves more depth than that. I wouldn’t call myself a fan of fluff for fluff’s sake, I don’t like the idea that Jason turns mushy and compliant where Alfred’s concerned, or suddenly turns into some kind of a sheepish chastened schoolboy from his very presence, and I like when characters feelings and relationships aren’t too straightforward. Complex relationships are something I adore.

I could conceivably see Jason getting along with Tim and Damian, but like. I don’t know how they’d get there. I guess I don’t have to ponder that, because DC canon has said they’re already there somehow, but still. I’m not super against it, I’d just like to understand more. I’m not against the idea of a more amiable (to a degree) Batfamily in principle, but in practice I think it’s just not really delivering what I want. Too many characters at once means everyone tends to get simplified in group scenes to a quip or a jab, and I’m tired of Jason being reduced to a joke or insult about him dying or having daddy issues or being some kind of meathead. It’s aggravating. (He’s also not the only one this happens to in this situation, and I absolutely am upset by how the others get reduced too, both in canon and fanon, Jason’s just the one I’m talking about right now)

Talia did not manipulate Jason. She didn’t brainwash him, she didn’t goad him into hating or trying to kill Bruce or the others, she didn’t treat him badly, or intend to use him as a weapon against Bruce, or anything like that. Her original plan was to nurse Jason back to health and return him to Bruce. When that didn’t work, she put him in the Lazarus Pit to heal him because she feared for his safety. Jason didn’t even show any signs of Lazarus Pit Madness afterwards, by the way. She informed him of the Joker’s continued existence and the new Robin, yes. So what? He needed to know. Returning Jason to Bruce was still the plan. But Jason’s the one who threw the wrench in that plan. Jason didn’t want to go home. Jason wanted revenge. He wanted to kill Bruce. Talia did not want Jason to kill Bruce. She set up all his training to stall him, in hopes that he would change his mind. She kept watch over him, and she cared about him and for him. She was worried that he might have lost his ability to feel emotions or become a psychopath as a result of everything he’d been through, and when he showed that he was still capable emotions and hadn’t completely lost his sense of morality or empathy, she was relieved.

Jason is very attached to Gotham, just like Bruce. It’s his city, too.

Jason is willing to work with others when it suits him, and when he commits to doing so longterm he’s actually a very good team player. He doesn’t seem to have delusions of grandeur or aspirations of usurpation when it comes to leadership, and he’s not opposed to listening to people who have his respect. And if you aren’t on his bad side then he can be surprisingly cordial and polite. Though perhaps that’s not too surprising; he was a sweet kid, after all.

I wholeheartedly believe that Jason is at his core a good person. The bones are good, the foundation is good; it’s everything else that’s not doing so great. I don’t know if I’d say he’s lost, because I think in a way he’s where he wanted to be; he’s chosen a bad path, and he did so deliberately. Jason has always tried to the right thing, the things that need doing; it’s just that his idea of what the right thing is and what needs to be done has changed.

Jason has also been shown to have a massive well of forgiveness, though I feel that’s mostly post-New 52 canon, where full reconciliation with the other Bats is a thing, so he’d have to be forgiving by necessity. I’m not even going to get in to post-New 52 stuff I think, I find most of it very disjointed and in large part emotionally unsatisfying. There is pre-New 52 pre-death precedent for Jason being astoundingly forgiving though, to an almost saint-like degree; he forgives Sheila for leading him to the Joker and tries to save her life by untying her, and he even tries to shield her from the bomb. Which means a case for the later stuff being in-character could be made. So there is that.

Before Jason died he was also a huge believer in second chances. Sometimes even a bigger proponent of them than Bruce. This is a little hard to reconcile with his later actions, but it’s the truth.

Jason Todd went to Heaven when he died, we learn that in Green Arrow: Quiver.

I’ve seen a lot of comics that have someone, usually Bruce or Jason I think, say something about how they believe (or know, as if it was obvious) that if Bruce hadn’t taken Jason in, Jason would’ve grown up to be a criminal. Let me make this clear: I do not believe that for a second. Jason’s sense of right and wrong was always strong, and his moral convictions were steadfast. He stole as a kid to survive, but when presented with the option of letting something bad happen to someone else when he had the power to stop it, even if it wasn’t much power, even as a kid Jason never took the easy way out. He did what he knew was right.

Jason wants to be seen, but he also wants to be understood. That’s how I interpret his encounters with Dick in the Blood Brothers arc (yuck) and Mia Dearden in Green Arrow. And while I’d prefer to ignore it as a whole, he does make sort of similar overtures to Dick again and Tim in Battle for the Cowl, though I highly doubt he sincerely thought there was any chance at all that they’d accept in that case.

He’s incredibly loyal and devoted to those he loves, and expects that same level of loyalty in return. He sees failing to live up to those standards as a personal betrayal of Bruce’s; and after his return he takes betrayal (pre-New 52) very seriously. If you don’t reciprocate, then in his mind obviously everything else was a lie. If Bruce didn’t kill the Joker for killing Jason, did Bruce ever really love him at all? But he also knows for a fact that Bruce did love him. It’s complicated!

He knows Bruce loves him; but Bruce doesn’t love him the way he wants to be loved, or in a way that he interprets as true or able to be trusted, at least not anymore. It isn’t enough. Jason loves Bruce as much as he hates him.

Jason characterization is tricky! His skills, his strengths, and his smarts are all immutable across continuities and interpretations in my opinion, but the more undefinable things, like his feelings? I will admit, there’s more leeway to be had there. Also I’ve contradicted myself a bit sometimes, I think. Sorry about that! Sorry about all of this, really. I probably repeated myself a lot. In fact I’ve probably already apologized for repeating myself a lot. I don’t have the patience to check or edit this extensively. I did my best! I hope this helps! And thank you for asking me in the first place! Even though this is a mess, I did enjoy doing it!

[sailorhyunjinz]

Alright so since bangchan is the type to definitely have trust issues and super insecure i feel like he had a relationship before but was faced with reality that is nothing lasts forever. So that's why i think even he feels like a perfect relationship exists and won't date anyone easily. My point is what's that thing that would make skz members date you👀👀

no this is so fun, IM REALLY GONNA TRY TO LIKE,,, be a spiritual queen (LMAOJGDAHSD IM NOT BUT LIKE,,, lemme pretend like i am) but i think i would have to agree with you. BUT LEMME SEE WHAT I CAN SENSE

also all the astrology in this is kinda half assed since we dont know their exact birth time BUT LETS JUST KINDA,,, wing it. also not saying that someone only needs one of these aspects in an relationship, you obviously need all of them but these are just the ones that stood out more than others. 

Bangchan

Trust.

ohoho,,, this is important.

his trust has been broken far too many times and therefore he doesnt trust people as easily (just like anon said heh,,)

except,,, he does,, because as soon as somebody shows even an ounce of affection he pours his entire soul into this person

which is both good and bad

you have to be the one to open up first because he’s now hesitant

take the first step, show him that you’re actually interested in his mind, his thoughts, his soul, everything about him

only then will he know whether you are worth his time or not.

Minho

Mystery.

he loves people that are hard to get 

not too much tho cause then he will lose interest completely

but if you are mysterious it means that he gets to uncover your personality bit by bit

he will know things no one else knows about you

which makes him feel so special 

he likes this mutual exchange you guys have when the both of you get to know each other more and more since he’s also kinda mysterious in the beginning

but then when you actually do get to know him its so rewarding and vice versa

ah,,, he’s the cutest, showing sides of himself he doesnt show to anyone else!

also wanting to add this; scorpio sun, scorpio venus... I MEAN COME ON,,,

Changbin

Loyalty

i get this feeling that he’s VERY picky 

its not that he thinks he’s better then anyone else, he’s very humble and stuff 

but he’s afraid to get hurt?? or like get in a relationship that will end messy

and so he’s VERY careful,,, but if you show him that you are loyal to him and ONLY him he will love you unconditionally. 

i mean nobody likes someone thats not loyal duh but its so important for his to know that you will stick with him through his,,, even a bit questionable ideas and plans

but he makes it up to you since he’s always very loving because you give him this sense of being appreciated and seen

which feeds his sun and moon leo OOP- 

Hyunjin

Respect. 

if he’s not careful he will date the wrong people

and he will forgive them even if they’ve hurt him

he’s too nice for his own good basically

so if you show that you have respect for his bounderies he will love you more than anyone

he expects you to treat him the same way he treats you 

which is very very good btw

very respectful of bounderies and always asks for permission whatever it might be 

he’s also very emotional (pieces sun and pieces venus,,, yikes)

NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

but he gets to get his emotions tangled and devalues them

so please,,, take care of this ferret boy. 

Jisung

Emotional Intelligence

i know everybody likes to think of him as this always happy person, an actual giggle machine but his thoughts are very deep

this is gonna sound weird but if you display weaknesses he has mad respect for you

somebody that is in tune with their feelings and can help others with genuine advice and not just telling them to “calm down” or “not worry” 

THAT!! THAT IS HIS KINK (lmao- ok stop making this sexual)

he doesnt want to be alone in his struggles and if you have been through something similar to him he will cling to you as if theres no tomorrow

HE’S A SENSITIVE BABY :((

Felix

Comfort. 

i dont know why but i keep hearing the word “ok” or “i am ok” which is great but,,, i feel like he craves that, he craves someone that will keep him in that “ok” state.

he’s afraid of his feelings.

sounds ~deep~ but whenever he’s feeling down he tends to be drawn to comforting people

like chan for example! ok sure,,, chan is their leader but he’s a very comforting soul and he just throws himself onto him

he would so the same with a s/o

show him a safe space and he will never leave~! 

he’s been alone many times in his life and he never wants to be there again and therefore he will be very clingy 

but its cute

BUT PLEASE DONT BREAK THIS SAFE SPACE FOR HIM UNLESS YOU WANT HIM TO BREAK :((

Seungmin

Innocence.

not in like,,, a sexual sense or whatever but more like,,, kinda this free spirit that both wants to lead him and be led kinda??

he likes to take care of people but doesnt get to do that too often so if you show that you like to be taken care of he will do it kinda subconsiously

almost like a mama bird taking care of their baby (w-wait this is so cute :c)

hmmm i feel like he’s very much also kinda a free spirit,, liking whoever he likes, whoever he vibes with

but theres one thing that will never ever attract him and thats being quarrelsome

yeah sure! voice your opinions! he’s all for that but dont be defensive, starting arguments because he’s a) scared of argumentative people and b) will get tired of trying to battle you with words

Jeongin

Charm

this is gonna be so fitting but he wants a fox-like partner

somebody that knows how to use their brain and can captivate others with their general charisma

somebody whose scent will linger around but who is never seen

its very very sexy,,, when you have this confidence about you, walking around like you know who you are and what your purpose is

he also likes it if you can give him actual feedback and voice your opinion!

he wants to learn from you, look up to you and be you good little boy

that doesnt mean he can’t be leading, he definitely can but he wants someone reliable to lean back on sometimes

wants to be cuddled

bonus points if you’re very giggly and touchy sometimes

[thedefinitionofendgame]

One Chicago and Greys Anatomy

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18, 19, 21, 23, 24, 30

thank you so much for all the numbers! I answered below, purple for One Chicago and blue for Grey's Anatomy. General answers aren't coloured!

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

'Willow' (Upstead), hands down // 'we're gonna be so happy' because slexie!

2. least favorite fic you wrote this year

well I barely wrote for One Chicago, so I guess 'Safe & Sound'? It's more like that's the first One Chicago fic I wrote lol // 'even when forever falls apart' mostly because I have not had any motivation to update that story despite saying I'd finish it before 2022...oops

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

Upstead finding out the sex of the baby in 'Willow'. Jay's entire reaction warms my heart! // Alex's entire letter in 'walked through hell' because I was clearly determined to make everyone hurt (sorry)

4. total number of words you wrote this year

so far it's _____ for One Chicago // _____ for Grey's Anatomy. it will change because I have 3 more chapters of a One Chicago fic to release before 2022

5. most popular fic this year

Willow with over 6k hits (which is crazy for me) // 'Code Red' (have not continued this since the summer, yikes)

(rest under the cut because there's so many awesome questions!)

6. least popular fic this year

'miss you like this' (Brettsey) // and surprisingly, 'daisy crowns' despite how much I loved this idea of mine haha

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year

this will change currently it's 'Wildest Dreams' (Upstead) with 2460 words // 'two under two' (Amelink) coming in with 10,828 words (!!!)

8. shortest completed fic you wrote this year

'Safe & Sound' (Upstead) with only 1307 words // 'i will never stop loving you' (Amelink) at 1536 words

9. longest wip of the year

'Willow' even thought I just started it in November and I'm almost done it! // 'Code Red' but I have no idea when @greys-for-days and I will be updating *laughs nervously*

10. shortest wip of the year

'miss you like this' (Brettsey) // 'even when forever falls apart' (Amelink)

11. fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year

One Chicago. the comments on my Grey's Anatomy fics have been "more populated" but the Tumblr rep and hype for my very few One Chicago fics makes me smile SO MUCH

12. favorite character to write about this year

Sylvie Brett, surprisingly. I feel like I really get her? // Amelia Shepherd. end of story

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

'Willow' especially sticking with it the way I have because if you know me...you know I'm never this good at updating // 'don't waste one single minute' because I NEVER EXPECTED TO GET SLEXIE BACK IN S17 OF GREY'S

16. fic(s) you completed this year

almost 4! // 9 without the WIPs, 11 including them

17. fics you’ll continue next year

'miss you like this' // 'even when forever falls apart', I will finish this fic in 2022 even if it kills me :/

18. current number of wips

2 as of posting this...no comment otherwise! // 2 as well but so many unposted WIPs lol

19. any new fics to start next year

YES I'll spoil and say that there's a sequel to Willow coming! (if you read this, you get the good news early!) // an anon asked me to write an Amelink fic for 18x06 and I have something along those lines to write in the future (+ others ofc)

21. most memorable comment/review

the genuine surprise in this one made my smile because like- me as the writer thought it was obvious, but as the reader they didn't and that is one of the reasons why I write // my #team trauma bestie @greys-for-days with this one because it was just so sweet and ugh, I wrote 'It Wasn't You' fueled by starbursts and a broken heart (not by a S/O, I thought I'd add)

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Burzek + Makayla (in the works) // do I have to pick only 1? jk I have a slexie baby fic that I've had the idea for since January 2021, maybe 2022 is the year for it!

24. favorite fic you read this year

haven't read many but 'nothing but the love you give' by @imjustwritingg is an absolute favourite! // 'photograph' hurt me ngl

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

I'm going to say One Chicago just because I've read more of that fandom's this year, which is a surprise tbh

I loved answering these (thanks anon!) sorry it took a few days, I didn't have my laptop on hand to long-reply; #s came from this list

[vidalinav]

Sorry for ranting to you but this feels like a safe space lmao. I’m tired of people coming at nesta for taking over a year to deal with her trauma as if there aren’t men decades older than her still dealing with theirs. Like why does she get shat upon for not getting better immediately when they’re still struggling with theirs and no one cares???

It is safe space! Lol. I love rants. Rants are my new favortie form of writing. Don’t know how that happened. I have a bit of anger issues now, so that’s probably why...

But yes. I’ve seen a few posts about this actually. Or at least one. Um.. I don’t know what to say really. I’ve come to conclusion that SJM is not a good writer. Or at least not for this series. All writers suck at some point, but this series is her worst by far, even though it seems to be making her a good amount of money. There were some good points about this book, but because of the amount of bad, everything could have been better. I question really what SJM thinks a good healing arc is? I hope to god she gets therapy, as she said that Nesta was mostly a part of her and she seemed to have a deep emotional connection to Nesta’s journey... Yikes. MAYBE the IC are her editors and her publishing company and her agent??? Maybe she’s very disadvantaged idk. 

But I can’t really argue/disagree about anything that people say about why the healing arc was not great.. because they’re right. But ultimately it is not the characters who suck. I know many people will argue until they’re blue in the face about “Don’t talk about this character,” “Y’all don’t see how this trauma blah blah,” “You can’t get mad at this character and then do this...” “Everyone always ignores...” I’ve heard it on both sides, I’ve said it on this side. But at the end of the day, I think my problem with the lack of validation or time is not even just the narrative itself (because again sucked), but how this fandom perceives the book. These characters are not real. They have no autonomy. So when I or any one insults/critique the characters, I wish we could reach general consensus of the fact that if all parts of the fandom have some general complaint, the book is not a good book.... It was either not good because it didn’t convince you or it was not good because it didn’t convince even the people who didn’t need convincing. The characters have no choice. No autonomy outside of the author, so every narrative decision is the authors. SJM wrote this book. SJM made this healing arc. SJM could have written a better book. A better healing arc filled with more compassion, more empathy, more love for all characters, more drama if she wanted, more plot. But we got nothing but mediocrity! I would have settled just for consistency and a lack of potholes. But we didn’t even get that. 

Sad... but as I’ve said before someone please get trauma away from SJM. I’m convinced that she does not need to write about it anymore. I’m convinced that she doesn’t even know what it is. Please get her away from any of these topics. She needs to stick with what she knows. Go back to TOG days. I prefer TOG problems than ACOTAR “what the hell am I reading? Was this the same character/fact as the last book?” problems. 

Anyways... I don’t even know if I touched on what you said. I went off on a tangent. Feel free to rant anytime though. 

[emersonfreepress]

What would the ro's be like in a zombie au?

whyyyyy anon whyyy. I'm actually gonna write this in like.. slightly different terms, you'll see. any time I even briefly think of a zombie au I'm just like

I WANNA WRITE IT SO BADDD

i don't even allow myself to entertain it for very long because getting into that would be the worst thing ever for my productivity with the alpha omg 😂😂 so I'll put like the ideas that pop into my head for writing a zombie au, to work some of that creative frustration out 😆

so in this very general, absolutely noncommittal idea of mine, the main cast are older and the setting is in and around a civilian settlement led by the Emersons.

and as a refresher, i like my zombie aus to have fast zombies and fast infections ^ ^ 28 Days Later/Train to Busan style babyyyy, we the Sprinting Dead up in this bitch 😆

= = =

Gabe is, predictably, looking for what's left of his family. Following rumors of safe havens and bunkers and such. Starts the story as someone who tries to be diplomatic, if not outright pacifist, but as times get tougher and resources dwindle, he'd become one of the most cutthroat motherfuckers in the wasteland. Low-key though, low-key. People won't trust you if they know you’re capable of throwing them to a horde for strategic reasons. Like if Rick turned into Shane (for those of us familiar with early Walking Dead--idk did that happen eventually? i gave up before we even met Negan lol). The end justifies the means :) Damn, I can legit see Gabe going full evil in a zombie au omg 😂😂 i want to write it so fucking bad

Preferred weapon for zed encounters: rifle

Preferred weapon for human encounters: handgun

Faith in humanity: fucking zero

Zombie kill count: plenty; the type to kill every zombie he has spare ammo and time for

Human kill policy: When it benefits him or the people he’s looking after

Survival rating: B+; he can make it out of some pretty dire situations through sheer will to live and ruthlessness

- - -

Kile has arrived--clearly, this is the timeline they belong in. They start their journey with Gabe (and their doggo) and stick to him like glue, even reluctantly so when Gabe eventually has them join the settlement. This can only go one way, though: Kile's just too much of a wildcard for the group and hates being told what to do. (Especially now that society has fallen, wtf) They'd make their exit alone and unannounced aside from a brief head’s up to Gabe. It's slightly bittersweet, but also? They get to loot and hunt and sneak around and kill fucking zombies, all by themself. Kile is a loner, a hiker, and a hunter to begin with so they do beyond fine on their own. However, once the inevitable violent human threat comes for the settlement, Gabe is sent out to convince Kile to come out of isolation, just this once please, to be the camp’s super soldier help defend the camp.

Zed weapon: p much anything they can get their hands on, ranged or melee, blunt or sharp, w/e; improvised weapons

Human weapon: hunting knife

Faith in humanity: never had any to begin with

Zombie kill count: lol infinite?? any zed they come across is double-dead if they have the time for it

Human kill policy: at Gabe’s direction or when provoked enough/threatened

Survival rating: A-; they trust no one, live in isolation, and prioritize survival above all else. only reason it’s not higher is they would risk their life for Gabe or their furbaby and also... their own Rambo-esque antics def attracts the occasional horde lmao

- - -

Jack... this poor boy, he doesn't deserve a zombie au 😂 He's one of those people that first believes zombies are just sick people, too squeamish to keep up with TV news coverage at the onset and too upset to consider anything else. He'd hunker down at home, staying holed up even while his neighbors evacuated, and probably be discovered while the main group is looting the same place as him. When people try to tell him the real state of the world, he'd be in denial until he absolutely couldn't be anymore. idk, probably after Kile shooting a bunch of non-lethal holes thru a zombie to make a point (attracting more in the process lol).

He’d almost immediately join the medical team at the settlement and as word spreads about how easy he is to talk to, he quickly becomes the literal on-site therapist. It's a role he embraces but... idk if it's an emotional burden he can bear. He's very emotionally resilient! But he ain't a professional lol imagine a whole settlement of traumatized zombie survivors seeking you out for counseling, yikes. He also can't say no to a person in need, so instead he quietly spirals into a very private depression while continuing to help others!!

Zed weapon: Oh gosh, do I really have to?

Human weapon: ...Kindness?

Faith in humanity: Unrealistically high

Zombie kill count: Single digit

Human kill policy: Not ever, unless completely unavoidable and to defend the defenseless

Survival rating: C...? idk, that feels generous. D+. To be protected at all costs!!

- - -

Jessie also had the initial reaction of hoping zombies could be saved, but she woke up from that dream swiftly. The science-minded person that she is, esp with her interest in biology, leaves her determined to find anybody who's got the intellect, expertise, and resources to start doing actual work toward a treatment, cure, vaccine—anything. Nothing would get her to finally unabashedly embrace her love of science (and innate leadership skills!!) faster than a zombie apocalypse! In fact, it’s thanks to her that the Emerson settlement’s got a small but growing team of scientists doing as much research as humanly possible to best educate the others on the outbreak and zombie behavior. Def no zombie experimentation going on though lol. ...Not yet, at least.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: rifle

Faith in humanity: High! We’ll find a solution! Don’t give up hope!

Zombie kill count: Double digits, but less than 30

Human kill policy: Only in unavoidable self-defense or defense of others

Survival rating: B! She has experience with ranged weapons, farming and gardening skills, first aid, camping experience, and a can-do attitude with a healthy dose of realism!

- - -

Rain remains cargo as I said in the last post about this 😆 They'd be very good for keeping clothes repaired and making useful modifications in the settlement, but their life up to this point has been very sheltered and privileged. We're talking somebody with a chauffeur and a personal chef before the outbreak! They would contribute to quality of life and homemaking efforts more than anything—an overlooked aspect of these scenarios tbh! After as many months of dragging their feet as possible and being nigh impossible to track down when you need them, they eventually become involved in meal planning and even help out with medical stuff if they're asked.

Zed weapon: how do you reload this thing again?

Human weapon: switchblade or other concealable sharp-pointy

Faith in humanity: Very low

Zombie kill count: 0! Can you believe it!

Human kill policy: Well if it’s you or me, of course I’m choosing me.

Survival rating: C. Being so tiny helps them find good hiding spots and their self-preservation is high enough to keep them from unnecessary risk-taking. Plus they're very stealthy! Self-defense is a major issue though, so hiding is always their best option.

- - -

Rupan/Rohan scouts for and leads scavenging missions and is Curt's right hand on the recruitment team. The two of them together are the perfect combo of diplomacy, debate, and deception--although R is more honorable about the last one and will only deceive for strategic reasons. When they aren’t looting and recruiting, they’re doing peacekeeping inside the settlement. Most social disputes end up getting brought to them for mediation and they’re pretty dang good at making and enforcing calls. One day they’ll wake up to realize they’ve basically become a sheriff and feel the need to puke their guts up and do something, anything, to reassure themself they’re still punk 😂

Zed weapon: SMG

Human weapon: shotgun

Faith in humanity: Believes in fundamental goodness but knows better than to trust first impressions

Zombie kill count: decent, more than 40; you won’t catch them having a field day tho, they’re trying to gtfo of most zed situations

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. And they aren’t, at all, immune to a revenge rampage either...

Survival rating: B-. Can handle themself both with humans and zeds but is vulnerable to hostage situations and truly difficult sentimental/interpersonal decisions!

- - -

Vivian/Vincent manages inventory and stock and they run it so efficiently it’s scary! They're the perfect pick: a hawk-eyed tyrant and tattletale 😂 Despite constantly butting heads with just about everyone on every imaginable thing, they quickly become an important part of the inner circle of decision-makers for the settlement at large. Terrible at stealth, jumpy, and squeamish at the sight of blood and gore, they literally never go on missions unless they're 100% needed for their expertise on a supply run. (They would deny all of these shortcomings are that big a problem, meanwhile R is definitely acting as their bodyguard lol.) When they do tag along, they're prone to becoming the damsel in distress. Seriously, it happens near every fucking time. It's like they just attract only the most improbable and perilous zombie attacks and hostage situations 😆

Zed weapon: shotgun

Human weapon: handgun

Faith in humanity: Medium; seeing people work together at the settlement helps restore it a bit

Zombie kill count: Double digits, under 25

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. Well, no, not by me! Get one of the ruffians to do it!

Survival rating: C-. They’d be higher if they weren’t such natural zombie bait.

- - -

Heidi is running the settlement, well-organized to the degree of actually managing to bring bureaucracy to a post-zombie apocalypse settlement 😂 People are free to come and go, but getting in if you don't live there requires trading something of value (fuel, med supplies, food, etc), temporary surrender and registry of firearms and explosives, and you gotta GTFO at the time and date specified upon entry! You can stay long-term if you contribute to the community in a tangible way—and each person admitted is approved by Heidi personally. Yes, every individual. No, she has no free time. And she is not known to be lenient with rule breakers—you want rule bending, you’ll have to go to Curt for that. People kind of hate her, but it can't be denied that she runs a tight ship. She kind of throws herself into the work to avoid the harsher reality at large and hasn't left the settlement in a long time. She's out of touch with how bad things have gotten in the wastes, but she knows better than to take reports at anything less than face value--even when she's skeptical.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: handgun; dagger

Faith in humanity: Medium. It fluctuates, honestly

Zombie kill count: Double digits, less than 20

Human kill policy: Violent threats must be taken out if they can’t be reasoned with. Spare those who surrender, eradicate those who don't, keep an eye on the newbies. Not tryin’ to nurse any vendettas around here lol

Survival rating: B. She's good with a firearm, masterful at persuasion, and savvy enough to calculate risks appropriately. Also far tougher than her prim exterior and demeanor suggests!

- - -

Curt leads the recruitment and reconnaissance teams! When a new person or group shows up in the area, Curt's the one who stalks watches them, decides if they're worth approaching, and if they should be approached with an invitation, a simple acknowledgment/announcement of their presence, or an outright armed warning to leave the area. He also keeps tabs on morale and general confidence inside the settlement, alongside R. When he isn’t leading those efforts, though, he’s flirting with settlers and squirreling his way out of manual labor and other chores. He’s also secretly growing weed at his place--don’t tell Heidi or Vi ‘cause they’ll wanna yell at him and ration it UGH.

Zed weapon: SMG, explosives

Human weapon: handgun, dagger

Faith in humanity: Pft, sorry, what now?

Zombie kill count: ...way more than you’d expect

Human kill policy: I don’t start confrontations, but I sure as fuck end them.

Survival rating: A! He’s good at playing hapless idiot when it suits him to be underestimated, good with firearms, and capable of being ruthless and decisive in life or death situations! Plus he has no qualms about ditching the settlement if he decides it’s not working out for him. Just don’t tell Heidi lol

[hangmansradio]

Do you ever question ~why~ you write, and find yourself wanting to throw your laptop out of the window because of it?

I write for the MCR fandom and ill be honest, i fell out of love with the fandom a long long time ago (mainly because of the online toxicity). Now, i no longer care about receiving comments or kudos from people in the fandom because it honestly just raises anxiety in me, so I've found myself writing but not posting it anywhere. (Before, kudos and comments especially from regular readers were what motivated me)

There's no other fandom I'm interested in writing in, and I'm past the age now where a new fandom can grab my attention easily- it would really take a lot for that to happen. So I'm at this point where I'm just like... why am I writing and who am I writing for? I'm using Gerard and Frank as characters but I'm so far removed from the fandom that I don't feel connected to it in anyway anymore.

I hate Canon (in terms of tv show fandoms etc) so a bandom is perfect for creative liberties when writing, but I just... feel so unmotivated. And yet, writing is my life, I dont know what I'll do with my free time if I stop.

I know you've spoken before about second guessing your place in the fandom and whether or not it's a space you still want to write in. How do you still continue to write when you feel that way? I know you're currently taking a break, but before that?

If you can't relate to anything I've said in this ask then just disregard it, but I have the feeling you are or have been in a similar position as me and maybe you can offer some words of wisdom 🥺

Oh nonny, I really, really feel for you right now 💜 I am in basically the exact same position as you, more or less. I've been writing in the MCR fandom for fifteen years now (yikes) and it was always such a warm, safe space. But the past couple of years I've slowly noticed that changing, and now, even me as a seasoned writer who KNOWS the fandom so well, am totally disgusted by the thought of posting anything new because the toxicity is at a new level. It's like people will read someone's work now just to find something to complain about, when ✨back in my day ✨ the number one rule was always "don't like something, then hit the back button". I feel like it's become an okay thing now to literally harass authors, which is just awful because we're all writing for free, in our spare time.

Once upon a time you could write about literally anything and know you were safe to post, even back before AO3 and their fantastic tagging system. Back then, you knew there was a chance you could be reading something you disliked every time you clicked on a fic, and that was fine, because you just turned back if that was the case. And that fostered a really great community, where anyone sending hate or being at all negative to an author were very quickly shot down by everyone else reminding them that only THEY, and not the author, are responsible for keeping themselves happy on the internet.

All that being said, I'm not sure I'll ever return to writing MCR fic. Taking this break has been so healing, because I don't miss it at all. I miss writing terribly, and I miss those wonderful readers who would always send love my way, but in general... My mental health is a million times better for getting out. And it would get even better again if I had the heart to completely sever the ties with my AO3 account - just this morning I received another negative comment on a fic and seeing the email notification come through with comments makes me so anxious now. I hate that it's become that way, and the temptation to completely delete my profile is so tempting. But I couldn't do it to those people who still say they get so much joy out of my fic.

So... I'm in a very similar position to you. Writing MCR fic was me. It's what I did every spare moment I had for literally half of my life. So where do we go from here? Personally I'm still figuring it out.

I'm lucky in that I have some fantastic writer friends who still want to read my stuff in private who I can post to. It's not as motivating as that rush of posting online and seeing who likes it, but it's enough. I haven't written anything at all, not a single sentence, since I uploaded Chains made of Gold; but last week one of my real life friends asked if they could help get me out of my writing rut, and requested a Kingsman fic, not to post online but just for them to read. And it's the first time I've felt any sort of motivation to write. Something small, safe and private to share with a friend, that I can handle.

I'm similar to you, in that I find canon difficult to work around because I'm so used to writing whatever I want. But there are no fanfic rules that say you have to stick to canon - the joy of fanfiction is that we don't have to do that! It can be hard getting into a new fandom, but maybe it's worth just a little try?

And for me, as it is for many fic writers, the dream was always to one day write original stories to publish. Recently I've felt like that dream is further away than ever, and maybe I'm just not a writer anymore. But I can't imagine my life without it, writing stories is my passion, and I can't let a toxic fandom destroy that.

So to you nonny, I say this - don't give up. It's easier said than done, I know. Find "real" people who love writing and befriend them, if you don't already know people who might want to read your stuff in private. I'm more than happy for you to send anything my way, be it fanfic or otherwise, and I'll gladly cheerleader for you if it helps keep the writing bug alive. Joining a creative writing group is also a fantastic way to keep motivated and challenge yourself with new ideas - I LOVED the one I was in, but sadly I have no local group now. But if you do, please try it, getting away from the internet communities that are so toxic and into a group of real people, all passionate about writing, is such a healing thing.

We all started writing just for us. Because we loved it. Hold onto that, and take as long a break as you need, and I promise the urge to write will come again 💜

TL;DR The 'point' of writing has always just been to tell those stories inside of us. Don't give up on something you're passionate about, find good people who can be excited about your writing with you and share things with them 💜

[anomalouscomic]

Wait, Coffee’s posting something? What year is this?

Yes, I am! Hello friends, or at least those of you patient enough to put up with my bullshit and stick around. I am still very much alive! And now that I’m at a point where things in my life are back on an upswing, I figured we were LONG overdue for an update.

Some of you know more details than others about what happened to me. The long and the short of it is that I’ve been forced to uproot my life in a major way, upending a 10-year relationship in the process. I have left Canada and moved back home to the US. I drove the entire way in my tiny car with a very, very distressed cat. Obviously doing this in the middle of a pandemic made it extra fun.

I’ve been staying in California for a bit to help my parents move after they got evicted from the old house they were renting. Neither of them are in the greatest of health so it took a while, but they’re now safely resettled and I can focus on continuing along to my own new home. Ironically, it’s in a location that is fairly important in The Anomaly. I didn’t plan it that way but apparently it was meant to be!

As for me personally, I’m doing better now, but holy hell has it ever been a miserable year. Needless to say 2020 really slapped me in the face, opened my eyes, and showed me what was truly important in life. I’ve got a long way to go to get to where I want to be, but I’ve taken the important first steps, and that’s what matters. I’m just sorry it had to come at the cost of my work. It’s always been my goal for The Anomaly to be a little refuge for people, a spot of brightness in their lives. That was more critical than ever in 2020 and I can’t help feeling like I let you guys down. If you’re still with me I’m eternally grateful.

The comic itself won’t be coming back just yet. I need to settle in first and get a lot of unpleasant adulting stuff done, like get a new cell phone, new bank accounts, legally import my car (yikes…), etc. It’s gonna take a while, it’s gonna be crazy expensive, and in general it’s just gonna suck. I will, however, continue to pluck away at the game as time allows.

Right now I’m aiming for The Anomaly to make a proper return sometime in the spring. March/April seems likely but I know better than to 100% guarantee that, so…Please Look Forward To It but also Be Prepared.

So…yeah! That’s where we’re at right now. Because of the above I’m still going to largely be awol and unresponsive, so don’t worry if that’s the case. I’m still here, still working, and very eager to return to our world of lovable monsters, idiot mages, and one very determined eldritch horror girl.

See you soon my friends (I hope!) and as always…stay awesome!

 Much love,

coffeelemental

[itsclydebitches]

Godddddd I'm so upset that I dislike yen this much, doing main quests in skellige and Freyas ppl were doing stuff and she again disrespected other cultures with Geraly being against, "I may be inhumanly beautiful" I know she's meant to be confident but wowww. She's not confident and worried for Ciri she just comes off arrogant and selfish and vain. Like, fuck.

The ultimate mood, anon. My Witcher fandom life would be so much easier if I enjoyed Yen ... but I just do not lol. Remember how I mentioned that things were going to get even worse than her stealing and using a potentially dangerous artifact? Yeeeaah. She also resurrects Ciri's friend to torture him for information, all while destroying another sacred garden to get the power to do it! It's not even a "She's so evil and I love it 😏" situation for me because the game tries so hard to convince us that she's still The Best. Geralt's sexy soulmate, Ciri's adoring mother, the baddest bitch around who gets things done and does it with an effortless confidence... all while ignoring how horrific her actions and attitude are. Oh sure, other characters speak ill of her at times, but considering how much Geralt is written to adore her, no matter what you choose, that's all undermined. I love morally gray/evil characters, but I've never enjoyed them when the text refuses to appropriately acknowledge that side of them. Nothing is more frustrating to me than a story that frames disliking a character as the unambiguously wrong thing to do, especially when the text is piling up reasons to dislike them and, as a result, ignoring or shrugging them off their actions as not that bad. Yen is a rather extreme example of that for me. Despite her attitude, her choices, and other characters outright going, "Why do you like her?" the story as a whole works under the assumption that it's correct to like her anyway because Geralt loves her. And he loves her for... reasons.

They do meet before the wish, but only just. Major "The Last Wish" spoilers in this paragraph, so feel free to skip. Basically, Geralt and Dandelion run into trouble with a djinn, he goes to Yen for help since she's a sorceress (first time meeting her), he instantly falls for her because she's gorgeous and such (there's an elf there who is also madly in love with Yen. Men just... fall for her, instinctually), she heals Dandelion, Geralt agrees to pay her, but Yen has already decided on the payment she wants. She takes control of Geralt's mind and forces him to attack the town to seek revenge on those who have insulted her, resulting in him waking up in prison awaiting execution for "his" crimes. Meanwhile, Yen has gone after the djinn for herself because power/trying to regain her ability to have a kid. Geralt escapes, finds her failing to master the djinn (an attempt which btw has endangered the whole town) and despite what she's done to him, Geralt tries to get Yen to escape with him. She refuses, set on capturing the djinn even though it's obvious she can't. So as a last resort he uses the final wish to bind their fates together, saving Yen from the djinn in the process. Aaaaaand then they have sex.

So yeah, their rocky relationship is one of the main reasons why I can't enjoy Yen. For some their tumultuous history is evidence of realism, for me it's evidence that they're not actually very compatible and they're only together because a) that's the fantasy trope: protagonist men get together with the hot sorceress and b) because the magic is literally ensuring that they can't escape one another. I mean, canonically their fates are tied together by magic and canonically they spend about 20 years swinging between passionate love and fearsome fights... but there's supposedly no connection between these two things? No chance at all that they keep coming together because magic is drawing them rather than because they actually want/should be together? I wrote a meta a while back about the short story where they meet, which includes a present day scene where Geralt is criticized by another character — Nenneke — for running out on Yen. Thing is, he tries to explain that he left because she was "too possessive" and this is... flat out ignored. By both Nenneke and the fandom. There's a strong trend of ignoring Geralt's words in favor of a pro-Yen interpretation of events. He says he left because she was too possessive and she treated him like ____ — he's not allowed to finish the sentence and say what she treated him like because Nenneke interrupts him, saying she doesn't care about his version of events. Major yikes imo! She turns a claim of being possessive into Geralt not being man enough to stick around. The fandom likewise turns this into a case of Geralt getting cold feet and running out because he's a bastard who hates commitment. Likewise, Nenneke and the fandom claim Geralt is trying to get Yen money as a way of appeasing his guilt for leaving, he claims he's doing it simply because he still cares for her — even if he doesn't want to be with her — and knows she needs it. Geralt's words are frequently dismissed, in the same way others characters' opinions of Yen are dismissed. Any mark against her is treated as either a lie, or a convoluted claim that they don't really know her... never mind that an understanding of why she may act this way doesn't excuse the behavior itself. (Plus, the whole "Yen had a horrible upbringing, so of course she struggles being kind" perspective always fell flat to me when so many, including witchers, had horrendous upbringings too. The whole point is this world is a mess and most everyone suffers). It's supposedly true love, yet if someone came up to me and went, "I magically tied my fate to this woman to keep her from getting herself killed and we've spent the last couple decades having what many would term a rocky relationship, to put it kindly. I left once because she was too controlling. She once cheated on me. I likewise hooked up with others during our frequent breakups. A mutual friend used magic to get me to have sex with her — also while my lover and I were broken up — and though I view it as a dumb decision I'm happy to forgive her for, my lover is ready to commit murder because again: possessive. A lot of the time we're only a family because of our daughter. I once thought she'd horrifically betrayed us both. She didn't, but it says something that I was so ready to believe it, huh? Hmm? Permanently separated? Of course not! I love her. We're destined to be together after all :)" I'd be like, "Uh... you sure about that, dude?"

Not that Geralt doesn't make his fair share of mistakes in the relationship — he absolutely does — but I don't think it helps his case that he's immature in other ways and, frankly, that he's a very strong, badass witcher. It's easy to turn the hints we get about their relationship into a simplistic "emotionally naive man can't give the poor woman the commitment she wants" situation. Given Geralt's status as the badass fighter of the tale, it's likewise easy to dismiss his admissions of her being "possessive" and his general discomfort. He's the man. He's the witcher. If he's making any claims about how Yen isn't treating him well, they must be excuses, or exaggerations, because real men, especially physically powerful men, would do something about that — a something that's not sneaking out in the middle of the night. A lot of people read Geralt leaving as the ultimate proof that he's an immature bastard who doesn't deserve her. I read him leaving and think, "What were you trying to get away from? What was going on that made you think you could only leave by sneaking out without a word?" To me, that doesn't read as someone who felt safe, comfortable, and respected enough to do anything but slip away and try to wash his hands of things. And I'm not just pulling this "Geralt is at least somewhat afraid of Yen and isn't comfortable establishing boundaries with her" reading out of my ass. When Yen wants Geralt to kill the golden dragon for her and he refuses, saying he doesn't care anymore, his thoughts are:

He expected the worst: a cascade of flames, flashes of lightning, blows raining down on his face, insults and curses. There was nothing. He saw, with astonishment, only the subtle trembling of her lips. Yennefer turned around slowly. Geralt regretted his words.

And everyone is like, "See! Yen has improved so much. Geralt nearly made her cry, but she's supposed to be the bad guy here?" Meanwhile, I'm going, "Uh... anyone want to unpack why he expects fire, lightning, insults, curses, and blows to his face for telling her no? Why he's astonished that she wouldn't use her magic against him? Anyone think that Yen refraining from attacking Geralt when he refuses to murder on her command is a pretty low bar? No? Just me?"

Geralt and Yen's relationship makes me uncomfortable and a great deal of that discomfort derives from how much of the Witcher fandom shrugs off the fictional warning signs. I mean, I post primarily about RWBY. We watched a man in that show try to sneak away with his kids when his villainous wife planned to use them for a eugenics plan... and the fandom still blames him for that, refusing to admit that he was in an abusive relationship. Because that doesn't happen to men, right? I'm not saying it's the same for Geralt and Yen, simply because they are written to be soulmates. An abusive relationship was, quite obviously, never the authorial intent. However, I am saying that the a "This isn't a healthy relationship" reading is there, it exists as an interpretation, and both the story and fandom's tendency to dismiss it is something that hasn't helped me enjoy Yen's status as an otherwise well written, complex character. Their equality supposedly stems in part because they're both so flawed, yet each time I see a list of Geralt's supposedly equal faults they're... lacking imo. "Geralt bound himself to Yen without her consent." Yeah, to save her from dying from the djinn she was trying to enslave, after she refused to leave, while her actions threatened a whole town. "Geralt ran off without a word." Mmm hmm, anyone care about why? And my personal favorite is a scene you may not have gotten to yet (or may not get depending on your choices), but suffice to say, Yen is supposedly justified in physically attacking Geralt if he dares to challenge her in any way. That's the main takeaway across the fandom: If Yen is pissed off, you must have done something to deserve it which, in the relationship deliberately written to be "stormy," is something that sets all the alarm bells in my head off. Honestly, it kinda makes my skin crawl to go, "Geralt didn't deserve that" and get responses back of, "Yeah he did because he [insert basic human action here]." The Witcher world is hard and cruel, absolutely, but that doesn't mean I personally enjoy seeing an equally messed up relationship presented as something that's enviable in its flaws. "That's actually true love because the magically bound man who often expresses discomfort with his lover, written by a male author with a very iffy perspective on women, says it's true love." Crazy theory here, but... maybe it's not?

Idk, lots of rambling on my end tonight! For me, Geralt/Yen reads as something rather tragic which, in a canon that unironically upholds the relationship, and in a Yen-adoring fandom, doesn't make enjoying her character any easier. I keep coming back to Witcher 3, the comics, the show, even the books going, "Maybe I'll like her this time?" but nope, still trying lol.

[midnight-inthe-kitchen]

“Hotel Potter” (Part 2)

Paring: Remus x Reader (Marauders Era)

Warnings: Fluff, kind of slow compared to the next part😎

Word Count: 2057

The Potter “Manor” was almost exactly what you were expecting... It appeared a little more humble from the outside, clearly trying to blend in with the other houses on the street, but was no doubt ‘the house to see’ on the block. The interior, which was filled and decorated with a million+ fancy, expensive, and delicately old items, was even more extravagant.

“Wow, James... I didn’t know your father was so wealthy,” Marlene joked as she brushed her feet off on the ornate outdoor mat. (Both Marlene and Mary, who was staying with the McKinnons for the rest of winter break, ran out to meet everyone when they saw them apperate outside. The Mckinnons and the Potter’s were next door neighbors... I checked ;)

James fixed his glasses as he opened the door for the rest of his friends. “Oh, I um- He just works for the Ministry, that’s all.” He knew Marlene knew full well of his family’s background, but decided to clear it up for everyone else.

“I think it’s lovely,” you mentioned, looking all around the front room. Your gaze was fixed on a stain glass window in the ceiling. Looking back down to the patterned tile, you watched the colors dance all over the floor as a swaying tree blocked certain beams of light from shining through.

Remus had started to wander to a large bookshelf in the entryway, skimming over the book covers, waiting for everyone else to enter.

“Okay James... Why don’t you show us where we’ll be sleeping before these two start drooling over your expensive things,” Lily guest wired to you and Remus as she defiantly strutted through the doorway.

James gave a low bow and pretended to tip an imaginary hat before practically dropping the door on Peter. (Mary somehow caught it before it could slammed into his face...)

“Of coarse, milady- But first...” He pulled out his wand and pressed it to his neck. After warning everyone to cover they’re ears in which everyone did except Sirius and Marlene, he muttering sonorus and followed it with “Alfred!”

Sirius cackled under his breath while everyone else flinched. “You’re still making him respond to that?” Sirius laughed, wheeling around to see James.

James just shrugged, “He can’t really hear when I call him anyways, so it just kind of sticked,”

“... stuck,” You corrected under your breath.

From around a corner, a very old, probably very deaf, house elf responded to his call. “Yes, master Wayne?”

You scoffed under your breath. Joining Sirius and James in the laughter, you realized you three were the only ones who got the reference. “Nice, James,” you smiled, giving him credit for such a golden muggle reference in such a pure-blooded house hold.

James shot you a quick grin before pocketing his wand again. “Alfred, my dear butler, have my parents left for Rome yet?” he asked respectfully.

Alfred-the-house-elf squinted his eyes before holding up a shaky hand to his ear. “Well, Sir, I saved Mr Black’s bone from his last visits, is that wha-”

Sirius’ eyes widened as James cut him off with a wave of his hand, completely confused as to what the house elf had thought he said. “No, no sorry...” He rested his hand on his wand, debating weather he should take it out again. He cupped his hands around his mouth instead. “...ARE EUPHEMIA AND FLEAMONT STILL HERE?”

The elf scrunched his face and waved his finger in the air. “Don’t try to fool me, Mr James, you and your friends are still to you to drink beer.”

James huffed, as he decided he’d look for them himself. “Stay here just in case they’re still packing...” he addressed the group of friends. “... They’ll want to see everyone before they head off.” He started down a hallway you had been eyeing with large portraits of what you could only assume were the many generations of Potters.

You walked over to “Alfie” wanting to be nice and ask such an old creature how his day was going. “Excuse me,” you started from behind the ancient potato sac. “Excuse me?” You raided your voice a little while taping on his shoulder.

He jumped a little, but smiled sweetly when he saw you. “What can I do for you, ma’am” he asked, completely opblivious to your previous attempts.

“Oh-” you stuttered at being called ‘ma’am’. “You can just call me Y/n,” you smiled. “O-or not if you don’t want to... Whatever you like,”

Suddenly realizing you were rambling and that Alfie probably couldn’t hear half of what you were saying anyways, you recollected yourself. “Sorry, but I was wondering how long you’ve been working for the Potters?” You tired to start up a friendly conversation but this time you bent down so that he could hear you better.

The house elf scrunched his face again trying to recollect the distant past. “Well,” he started, but before he could finish, Lily was bent beside you.

“Hi, I’m sorry,” she looked to you and then back to Alfred, clearly a little bit on edge. “... But do you happen to know what the sleeping arrangements are?” she asked ‘Alfie’.

He looked to her, smiled, and then went back to you. “... Masters Mr and Mrs Potter were so kind to have accepted me from the previous Mr and Mrs Potter, even after knowing of my poor hearing...” he whispered like it was a secret. “I always had a new master before Mrs Euphemia and Mr Fleamont... The whole Potter family would take turns passing me around for some reason, but I loved meeting all of them.”

He continued his life story for a few more seconds before you turned to Lily and smiled. “I don’t think he could hear you...”

“Oh,” she giggled before turning back to the house elf. “Excuse me?” she tried again, this time a little louder.

Alfred slowly tuned his head once he had finished his sentence. “Did James set up the beds so that I was with him by any chance?”

“On the conterary, Master Bruce Wayne made me wait to assign your bed so that you would be most comfortable...”

Lily heaved a heavy sigh before thanking him and walking around. You joined her because what could possibly be bothering her now?

“Okay, hey... What’s going on?”

Lily crossed her arms as she shifted her weight nervously. “This is nice,” she started.

You laughed because what a dumb thing to be so outwardly anxious about. “Yeah, I know, his parents must have loads of money to-”

“No,” she cut you off, squinting her eyes suspiciously. “This is too nice... I think he’s planning something— I mean why else would would he wait to pick the beds for-”

“BECUSE HE LIKES YOU AND WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY!...” You whisper-yell in her face while throwing your arms up exasperatedly. “I can’t believe you can’t just accept you like him and make things easier for everyone...” Lily’s face betrayed her as it turned crimson.

Apparently you weren’t nearly quiet enough because before she could utter any kind of self justification, Sirius slid over from nowhere and leaned his elbow and her shoulder. “Talking about James and Lily’s love life?” he questioned nonchalantly.

Lily shrugged his arm off her. “EW, no.” she lied. “Just the... sleeping arrangements, you nosey pig.”

Sirius grinned as he looked slyly over to you. “Well... In that case, Y/n, I hope you like cheese or books because I just so happen to know the sleeping arrangements and James thought he’d give you the option...” Lily rolled her eyes as you blushed while trying to mentally run thought all the people in correspondence with cheese and books. Books had to be Remus, right?... So Peter must be cheese??? YiKeS... Um, I’ll take the books please.................That’s not what came out though.

“Whatever works is fine with me, I really don’t care,” you smile sweetly. Lily hits you in the arm but you ignore it along the stare you can feel boring into the side of your face. Sirius just watched you skeptically trying to decide wether or not he should step into your nonexistent romance and take matters out of your embarrassed, slow-moving hands. Apparently he has decided because a couple seconds later he shouted across the room, “Hey Moony?” You turn on instinct to see Remus look up from the book he was studying. “You wanna bunk with Y/n this weekend?”

Remus’ eyes darted from Sirius, to you, and back to Sirius.

Sirius gestured to you like a toned-down Will Smith “behold” meme and shot Remus an subtle “mate, this is the flipping chance you were taking about before your bag ripped on the train” face.

You just sat there awkwardly. Feeling the heat rush to your face every other second the three of you stood there in an undecided pose, you were about to mutter another, “it’s fine, really...” but was cut off by James sprinting back into the room.

He was pretty out of breath from running around the large property. “They’ve just left... I guess they were running late, but they wish everyone a good weekend,” he shot Sirius a very non-innocent grin. Marlene and Mary, stood up, not missing a second of they’re conversation while everyone picked up their bags.

You were a little upset that you never got an answer to the most important question of the weekend, but figured it was going to have to be answered one way or another.

You all followed James up the grand staircase and stopped in a long hallway racked with doors.

“Merlin, James, tell me again why you live in an actual hotel?” Mary laughed. James squeezed in front of her to get to the first door.

“Ha-ha...” he mocked half-heartedly, testing to make sure the door wasn’t locked. “Look, my parents are only letting us use the first five doors for some reason so I had to pair everyone up, sorry.” He pushed his glasses up on his nose. “Oh yeah, and that means two people can have a room to themselves, so whoever wants it can have it.”

From the way he was taking, you assumed whatever his “sleeping arrangements” were, they were very loosely planned.

Alright, alright I think it’s safe to say, no parents; no sexist restrictions...” Sirius stretched his arm out, landing over Mary’s shoulder. Marlene’s arm came around to hit him in the abdomen.

James laughed as he finally got the old knob to open. “Um, I don’t think Mar— Sirius... Why don’t you just sleep with me, and then Lily and Mary and then-”

“I am NOT sleeping with the rat,” Marlene started. Peter started to protest but was cut off by James again.

“Fine! How about Mary and Marlene, Y/n and Remus, and then... wait no-”

“Oh for the love of Merlin...” you sighed, “Sirius and I, Remus and James, Mary and Marlene, and then either Lily or Peter can take the spare room. That way, no one has to share with someone they aren’t comfortable around and I can make sure Sirius don’t accidentally burn anything down.”

Sirius looked mildly offended, but still didn’t mind being able to share a room with a girl for once. You had to mentally tell yourself you were “taking one for the team” because in all honesty, the reason you weren’t with Lily was because Sirius was way more of a safety hazard, and wether she planned on it or not, her and James would need a bit more privacy if they were ever going to work out their blatant and blind emotions.

[smutsonian]

A dark Thor x reader where he sees you a famous actress on Earth and gets obsessed with you and thinks that u would make a amazing Queen and first woos you then goes dark thor

Drabble about Thor obsessing over actress!reader

Warning/s: DARK THOR, obsession, smut, NONCON, breeding kink, nOT pRooFrEad, PLEASE BE WARNED

A/N: I really have a thing for making long drabbles ;/ 

——————

“You really like that show, huh?” Bruce says as he walks past Thor who’s watching the same show for a week and into the kitchen.

“What’s not to like? Y/N is fucking hot!” Tony laughs as he follows behind Bruce.

Thor growls at Tony before turning the television off. “Don’t speak about the lady like that!”

“Yikes. Someone’s a big fan. Ya’know, I can call her. I got her on my contacts.” Tony gives the god a side glance, smirking when he sees the god looking at him with a hopeful yet hard eyes.

“Is that true?” Thor stands up, walking towards the two scientist.

“Yeah, yeah. Met her at a gala once. A real sweetheart, I’ll tell you that.” Tony winks and pats Thor’s shoulder, laughing when the god glares at him.

“Don’t worry. I’ll set you two up! That’s what friends are for, right?”

—

“Hi, Mr. Thor! It’s really nice to meet you!” Y/N smiles at the tall man. Thor finds himself speechless as he finally sees her beautiful face in real life. He coughs a little bit before he finds his voice. “Just call me Thor, please. It’s nice to finally meet you too, Lady Y/N.”

Y/N feels her body warm-up at his words. There’s no denying that this god (literally) is very attractive. And is also a fucking hero! How lucky is she to catch his attention? Yeah, Tony wasn’t really subtle when he called her.

“Well… Can I buy you a drink?”

Then one thing led to another…

“Oh god!” Y/N moans as she reaches another high. She lost count of the orgasms that Thor gave her. He really is a god. Y/N sighs in satisfaction as she lays on her back, closing her eyes and falling into a deep, deep slumber.

“Yes, my love. You’ll be one soon.”

—

Y/n opens her eyes slowly as the sun pierces through the window, blinding her a little. Feeling a bit disoriented when she scans the place, she scrambles off the bed but a pair of big arms prevented her from moving away.

“Goodmorning, my queen.” Thor’s raspy voice says just beside her ear. Y/N’s heart’s thumps as she gets confused by the whole situation.

“Q-queen? Thor, what are you talking about? Where are we?” Y/N tries to pry herself away from him but he only tightens his hold on her. “Ssh, my queen. We’re on Asgard. You’re safe. You don’t have to worry about anything, my queen.” He runs his hand down her skin softly.

“Wh-Why do you keep calling me your queen? Please take me back to Earth. Take me home, please!” She begs as she shakes in his arms, tears streaming down her face.

“But this is your home. You are to be my queen. Last night was-”

“Last night was supposed to be a one-time thing!”

Y/N was harshly turned around to be met by a glaring Thor. “You think I’m one of those Midgardian men that you’ll bed for just a night?!” Thor’s voice booms around the room, startling and scaring Y/N.

Thor leans in and kisses her with force, moving a hand towards the back of her head and pulling her deeper into the kiss. Y/N tries to push him away but he retaliates with more force. Y/N bangs on his chest, pleading him to pull away for she’s close to losing air. 

“You are to be my queen.” He caresses her face and rips the silk sheet from her body, revealing her nakedness. He brings his hand down her cunt, cupping it hard. “This is mine. Not for a night but for as long as I live.” he inserts a finger, smiling at how it easily slipped in. “Even your body agrees with me, my queen.

He lifts one of her legs up and positioned his hard cock against her slit, running it up and down teasingly. Y/N couldn’t help the wetness that her traitorous body is making. She whimpers when he sticks the tip in, only to pull it back out again. “Just tell me what you want, my queen. I’ll do it as best as I can. Just say the word, my queen.” Thor groans silently as he does the same action again and again until Y/N is crying and shaking against him. “P-please!” she sobs.

“What is it you want, my queen? Tell me.”

“Please me, my king” swallowing her pride, Y/N gives in. Thor smiles genuinely and slams his hard cock in her wet cunt. He stayed in for a few seconds and started thrusting in and out at a fast pace. Grunting loudly, Thor moves to straddle her and spreads her thighs apart. He moves his hips harder and deeper, earning a loud whine from her. “Fuuck!”  

“You like this? I know you love this, my queen. Last night was the best night of my life but today, I’ll make sure to put a child in you.” he moans loudly as he starts to bang his hips against yours in a maddening pace, making you scream loudly. “I can feel it. I can feel your walls around me. Just let go and embrace my cock.” He holds your hips and slams it against him again and again.

“Ugghh” Your head tilts back as your body convulses against his, walls clenching around him. You came around his cock as your vision started to darken ever so slightly.

“Yes! Yes, my queen!” Thor thrusts one last time, forcing himself deep into you and holding himself in that position as his cock twitches and spurts white cum into your womb. He doesn’t pull out when he lays down beside you, moving you so your back is against his chest. He strokes your arm gently and kisses it softly.

“We’ll be a happy family, my queen. We belong together. We’re perfect for each other.”

___

taglist

General: @readermia @unlikelygalaxygiver @xoxabs88xox

[korra-the-red-lion]

Unnatural Affairs. Chapter 2: Let the Good Times Roll.

When I woke up the next morning, my eyes were achy and itchy. Falling asleep after spending most of the evening crying might have had something to do with that. I groaned as I reached for my glasses, deciding that I definitely needed a shower. I grabbed my soaps, shampoo and conditioner, flip flops, towels, and headed towards the communal shower area.

Luckily for me, there was no one here when I got there. I turned on the water, letting it heat up as I set up my things. I pulled the curtain across and got to washing all the eye boogies off my face. The warmth of the shower was very much needed as it ran down my body. I started feeling more like myself again as I scrubbed all the night grime off. I spent a few extra minutes, just enjoying the feeling of the warm water against my skin. If I closed my eyes, I could convince my mind that I felt great about this whole thing.

Then my stomach rumbled. I realized that I really didn’t have much of an appetite after my chat with dad and emotional break down with mom. I hadn’t eaten much of anything since lunchtime yesterday. The allure of food was more than enough to convince me to leave the comfort of the shower. I quickly wrapped a towel around both my body and hair. I gathered everything up and shuffled out of there. I peeked my head around the corner, feeling self-conscious of the fact that I had to go back to my room practically naked. I dashed back to my room and closed the door as quickly and quietly as possible. Sarah was still sleeping, thank God.

I got dressed and towel dried my hair the best I could. I didn’t bother with anything fancy today, since I was going to be spending most of my day standing in line to get my textbooks. I wasn’t going to wait around and end up spending hours of my school time there, so I planned to do it today.

I checked myself in the mirror before leaving. Just plain black leggings and a over large t-shirt that read ‘how-to pick-up chicks’ with a picture of a stick figure picking up a baby chicken. I adjusted my glasses to make sure they were straight, and I tossed my hair over to one side, trying to give it some style. I said I wasn’t going to be fancy, but I’m also not going to go out looking like I woke up from a rager.

I grabbed my purse, student card and my phone, and left the room. The sun was shining brightly overhead once I got outside, trying to squeeze out those last few days of summer. It felt good on my skin, and I thought about maybe eating outside. That would be nice.

Yawning as I made my way to the meal hall, my thoughts of my new classes and the new people I would meet wormed its way into my head. I knew I would do well in most of my classes, except for maybe some of the science ones. The issue was making friends. It’s not like I had hard a terrible time making them or anything, but my disposition ended up pushing away a lot of people. Then of course, the conversation I had with my dad popped up like an unwanted house guest. Dammit, he really knew how to get in my head.

I was practically storming as I walked into the meal hall. It was actually nicer than I thought it would be. There was quite bit of space, with nice large tables. It was also clean, which was a huge plus. Of course, move in day was literally yesterday. Maybe give it a week or so, and it would change. I walked down the stairs, letting the smell of food knock me out of my foul mood.

I loaded my plate up with hash browns, two fried eggs, bacon, and toast. I was starving and couldn’t wait to eat. I was about to head outside when I saw familiar strawberry blonde hair and I found myself walking towards it.

Shyly I approached the table where Lyn sat by herself. She was nearly dozing off in her seat, her plate empty in front of her. I tapped her shoulder, causing her to jolt awake.

“Wha’?” she blinked a few times and looked over her shoulder, smiling when she saw me. “Oh, hey Ally, wassup?”

“I was hoping I could sit with you?”

“Be my guest,” she said with a yawn. Her hair was tied up in a loose bun today, instead of that tight ponytail she had yesterday, and she wasn’t wearing the paint either, revealing all her freckles that were splashed across her nose and cheeks, like I suspected.

“How’d you sleep on your first night? Any crazy parties for you, or was the noise enough?”

I shook my head. “I’m not really a party girl, honestly. And I mean, the noise was definitely something I need to get used to. But my roommate seems really cool and at least that’s something. I was worried I was going to have a horrible roommate, like some of the horror stories I read about.”

Lyn cupped her chin and was leaning against the table as she listened to me. I wonder if anyone ever told her she had an intense stare. Even in her sleepy state, I know her focus was entirely on me as I spoke. It wasn’t uncomfortable or anything like that, more like an observation. She smirked into her hand and said, “I had one of those in first year.”

“What? Really?”

She nodded, still not taking her eyes off me. “Oh, hell yeah. She was so strange. She ironed all her shit in the room, told me I wasn’t allowed to cross the line she taped to the floor unless it was a necessity, and legit told me that I couldn’t listen to my music too loudly with my headphones in. Like, this girl was on something, I swear. Eventually, I broke down and requested to be switched out. Thank God, they moved her into a single dorm, and I got to stay. That’s when Nura moved in, and she’s awesome. We get along like PB and J, you know? I’m rarely in there anyhow, with practice and work, but still. Gotta feel welcome in your own home, you know?”

She ends with that a lot, I noted. It was endearing. I nodded in agreement. “I get that. Sometimes it was hard to um…go home after school. I don’t always get along with my dad, so it was awkward to go home.”

Lyn winced. “Shit, sorry. That’s crappy, not feeling like home is a safe place.” She sat up and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. “Dammit, Hart, you ruined the mood.”

“No, no! You didn’t do that at all,” I said quickly. “I was the one who brought it up in the first place!”

“I was the one who was all like ‘feel welcome in your home’,” she groaned. “Listen, I’ll make it up to you, yeah? You can ask me one thing, anything you want.”

“That seems really extreme…”

She shrugged. “I’m pretty much an open book.”

I bit my lip in thought, not really sure what to ask her. I didn’t know her all that well, but the offer to get to know her better was intriguing. Still, nothing really came to mind, and I ended up shaking my head. “Can I cash it in later?”

Lyn laughed, “Sure thing, Ally.”

We ended up talking for awhile longer about general things, like what majors we were taking and our favourite bands. Just simple stuff. Talking to Lyn was really easy. She laughed for no reason and had an infectious smile. When she was excited about something, she ended up bouncing her leg under the table. I’m not sure what it was about her that calmed me down, honestly. But she did. Maybe it truly was just her easy-going nature, but she seemed like a genuine person. Eventually, I had to get going to grab my books, much to my disappointment. I knew that once school started for real, I wasn’t going to be able to hang around her as much. It sounded like she had a lot more on her plate than I did.

As we both stood, I worked up the courage to ask for her number. That way, I could at least keep in touch with her by text. When I did, her eyes narrowed as a smirk appeared on her face.

“Sure, totally, Ally,” she took my phone from me, her fingers brushing against my hand as she did. “I don’t usually give my number out to anyone, but I will for you, since you’re cute and all,” she handed my phone back with her smirk still firmly in place.

Damn, that something I wasn’t expecting. I know I was blushing, but I tried to play it cool. I got the feeling yesterday that Lyn was a flirty kind of person, but I’m not entirely sure what her whole situation is.

“Thanks. I just know once school starts, we’ll both be pretty busy,” I said, looking away. Yeah, play it cool.

“Totally, just playing, you know?”

“Ha, totally.”

She pulled out her own phone and checked the time. “Yikes, gotta head out for real, though. Let’s try and hang before classes start, yeah? I’ll see you around, Ally!” With that, she left. But not before giving me her signature wink on the way out.

I tried to stop myself from smiling, but it was so hard. She really did have an infectious nature to her.

XXX

As I had hoped, there weren’t that many people at the bookstore. The line was a little long, but not so crazy that I would regret my choice in footwear. The bookstore itself was small, with not a lot of room to navigate. The lady behind the counter seemingly was 100 years old and was certainly moving like one. The only reason why this was taking a long time was literally because of her.

I tapped my foot along to the song I was listening to. I have to say, while I don’t love the lyrics, drivers license was a pretty catchy song. I missed the days of women writing songs telling men who did wrong by them to eff off. There was something cathartic about it all. Still, can’t deny a good song when I heard it. I was pretty content to stand there idly until someone tapped my shoulder.

I looked over, but there was no one there. Maybe the guy behind just hit me by accident? Shaking my head, I went back listening to the music when I felt the tap again. Again, there was no one there. Slowly, I take one earphone out and can hear the sounds of someone whispering around me. My eyes widened in understanding horror of what was happening.

There’s a freaking ghost trying to get my attention.

Inwardly I groaned, but I kept a neutral face on the outside. Well, except for the frantic look around I did with my eyes. There, in the corner. I turned slowly, trying not to draw too much attention to me as I did.

There is a ghost, looking no older than me, with some fancy hair cut and a nice suit on. He’s got a wicked grin on his face as we made eye contact. He floated over to stand directly in front of me.

“So, you can see me after all,” he said. All ghosts have this tinny tone to their voice, as if they’re talking through a bad phone call or something.

I nodded slowly but don’t dare say a word. There are way too many people around right now.

He tilted his head in a mostly human way, until it creeps a little bit past his shoulder, like his neck was broken. “Can’t you speak? You’re not one of those mutes, are you? Not that that’s an issue, but I was hoping to get someone who could share my story.”

Sighing through my nose, I pulled out my phone and typed out a message. I can talk, just not here. Too many people. Can it wait?

The ghost squinted at the screen, clearly able to read what I wrote. He frowned as we make eye contact again.

Oh Christ. I didn’t like the look in his eyes. He looked like he didn’t agree with me one bit. Some ghosts understood that most people can’t see them and that it makes a person look insane if they just start talking to thin air, while others just didn’t care. I had a bad feeling that this one fell in the second category.

He reached over, his hand going through my face. I felt the cold sliminess as he pulled his hand back through, and it takes my entire will power to not shudder or vomit on the spot. I really hated when they did that.

I wasn’t sure if it was normal for them to be able to touch people. I honestly never looked into too deeply, as it was best to avoid talking about it at all. But not for the first time do I regret that decision from 14-year-old me. I should have just used public library sources and at least had a better understanding of these things. But nope, I didn’t want to do anything out of the ordinary. Stupid.

“Human, all I want is for someone to listen to me and tell them what happened,” he said snootily. He reminded me of some popular guy who was used to people doing what he wanted on the drop of a hat.

I shuffled forward in the line a little. There were only three people ahead of me. I turned my head slightly, pulling my earphones up, hoping to God it looked like I was talking into the mic. “Listen, buddy. I am very happy to listen to you, but after I get out of here!” I hissed as quietly as possible.

Now he looked pissed off. Once again, he reached for me, as if that would make a difference. Except this time, it does. I can’t help but violently shudder as I stumbled back, reeling from the sudden shock of falling to my death. I don’t know if it was murder or suicide, but regardless, I feel the impact as my body hits the ground. My books tumbled out of my arms as I began to hyperventilate.

Oh my God, breathe Ally, BREATHE!

How could I breathe when I feel my neck snapping, but I don’t die right away? How can I breathe when I feel my skull leaking my brains all over the pavement? My vision is getting narrow as I trembled on the floor.

Okayyoujustneedtotakeadeepbreathlikemomtaughtyouinandoutinandoutcountto7holdfor7right?

My thoughts were racing and jumbled, my breathing definitely not slowing down in the slightest. We make eye contact one last time, me and the stupid selfish ghost. He was looking down at me with absolutely no pity or guilt at all. The look he was giving me suggested that if I had just done what he wanted, everything would have been fine.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to take a deep breath, but it didn’t work. I was still hyperventilating, my vision getting spotty. There is someone next to me, maybe another student. Quite frankly, I don’t really know much at this point. I felt someone, someone alive that is, take my hand and help me towards the door.

Yup, this is exactly how I expected my trip to the bookstore to be.

XXX

I woke up in my own bed, my mouth dry. I remember going outside and telling them to give me my purse. I took my Ativan and got back to my residence with the help of someone. I seriously can’t tell you who. Judging from how dark it was, it must be nighttime. Groggily, I sat up and reached for my glass of water instinctively. Except, it’s not there. Because I’m in a dorm, not my house. So, there is no night table with my water. I forced myself to get up and head towards the bathroom.

I washed my face and mouth, taking sips of water as I do. When I looked into the mirror, all I saw was my own pathetically pale face staring back at me. Day 2 and already I failed dad. Goddammit, the school might call my parents to tell them I had a panic attack at the bookstore. How humiliating. Not even a day away from home and I fall apart.

I can’t stop the tears as they fall down my face. I feel like garbage and I know I look like it too. I break down, using the sink as support. I feel like such an idiot. My mom wanted me to take a year off, maybe do some traveling. She probably knew that the stress of being away from home wasn’t going to be great for my stupid anxiety. As the sobs rack my body, someone’s timid knock draws my attention.

Sarah pokes her head into the bathroom, a look of worry on her face. She walked right in and pulled me away from the sink, embracing me.

“I’m here for you, Ally.” That’s all she said, but it strikes me deeply. This girl barely knows me but is here in this stupid bathroom, holding me tightly. Goddamn, how were some people just that good?

So there we stood, in the bathroom. She just held on to me, whispering into my ear and rubbing my back. I couldn’t say or do anything, so I just rested my head on her shoulder until I finally felt okay enough to head back to our room together.

XXX

As expected, I had a voicemail from mom when I bothered to check my phone in the morning. Well, more like afternoon. I stayed in bed all day, wearing my sloth covered PJ bottoms and my favourite hoodie. I basically watched one movie after another, just to keep my mind off things. Sometimes you really needed to take a ‘me day’.

Sarah left after checking to make sure I was feeling better. She said something about getting some good food and better desserts to cheer me up. I gotta do something nice for her after I was feeling better.

I stared at the screen, wondering if I should listen to the voicemail when a text appeared there. I was confused for a minute until I saw it was from Lyn. Then shame filled me, stopping me from opening it. She probably thought it was so lame that I had a panic attack in the stupid bookstore.

So, I ignored it. I didn’t want the only other person on this campus who I knew to think I was some pathetic loser.

Well, that only worked until my phone lit up again, this time with a phone call. I really didn’t want to answer it, so I declined the call.

Sarah walked into the room, holding two huge bags. “Okay, so like, I got some super yum food to help you feel better.”

“You really didn’t have to do that,” I mumbled into my hoodie.

“Sorry? Can’t hear you when mumble like that,” said Sarah. She plopped down on the bed and opened the first bag, pulling out a bunch of Taco Bell. The second bag had cupcakes and mini cheesecakes in it. I couldn’t believe that she did all this just for me.

She handed me a handful of Taco Bell things. I wasn’t even sure what most of it was, since my parents and I rarely ate fast food like this. But my God, it smelled amazing. I opened one up and took a tentative bite. It was so good right now. It was like Sarah knew I just needed some junk, just salty goodness.

“Yas! I like, was hoping that would work,” she said triumphantly. She noticed my phone was vibrating and picked it up, staring curiously at the screen. “Who’s Lyn? She’s called you like, 3 times. Is she your sister?”

I shook my head, stuffing more in my face. With some difficulty, I swallowed and took my phone back from her. “I just met her the other day. I guess she heard about the whole bookstore incident and wanted to check in…”

“But?”

“But I don’t want her to think less of me…”

Sarah made a disgusted face. “Ally, if someone thinks less of someone because they have anxiety, then they need to like, check themselves. So many people have mental health stuff going on. Like, seriously girl. I think she honestly just wants to make sure you’re okay.”

I stared at my phone, knowing that Sarah was probably right. Still, I wasn’t sure I was ready for that conversation. What was I going to say anyway? Hey, everything is totes fine now. Just had a panic attack because some jerkass ghost demanded I see how he gruesomely died, except didn’t bother to tell me who I was supposed to tell. So yeah, basically went through something extremely traumatic for absolutely no reason at this time. How was your day?

Yeah, that wasn’t going to fly. Instead, I fired off a text that just said, I’m doing okay now. Thanks for checking in. I don’t really feel like talking about it right now.

There. Straightforward and easy. When I got a message from Lyn, this time I opened it. Ok, let me know if u do wanna talk. I’ll be here.

“I guess I should call my mom, huh?” I said, looking over at Sarah, who was attempting to stick a whole mini cheesecake in her mouth.

She smiled unabashedly at me and swallowed. “Oh, I think you like, should, but no pressure. If you need to take time, then like, take your time.”

I gave a little laugh as I handed her a napkin for her face. It felt good to laugh. Sarah laughed too, as she wiped whipped cream off her lips. She handed me a mini cheesecake and we both attempted to shove the whole thing in without making a mess of ourselves. I giggled as I tried very hard not to make a mess, only to end up smearing a whole streak of chocolate sauce on my face somehow.

Sarah wasn’t much better off, with whipped cream on her nose this time. We ended up taking silly photos of each other and drank a ton of the pop she brought from Taco Bell. We ate and joked around for the next little while, until I finally worked up enough courage to listen to my mom’s voicemail. I excused myself and told her I was going to make the call.

I sat outside, the afternoon sun warm on my face. I don’t love the idea of making this call out in the open, but I didn’t want to kick Sarah out of her room either. It is what it is, I guess. I opened up my voicemail and listened to mom’s message.

“Hey, baby. How are you doing? Dad and I got the call and I just wanted to make sure that you’re doing better? Was there something that triggered it? Or did it just happen out of the blue? Either way, just call me back so I know you’re doing better now. Love you, Alexandra. Bye-bye.”

I scrolled to my mom’s name on the call list and hit call, listening to my phone ring in my ear. She picked up after the third ring. “Hello? Alexandra, is that you, baby?”

“It’s me, mom.”

“Thank goodness! Are you okay?” I could hear the concern dripping from her tone.

“I’m doing fine, yeah.”

“Okay, I’m glad to hear it. Can you tell me what happened?”

This was the part I wanted to avoid but knew I couldn’t. I shifted to get more comfortable and told my mom everything that happened. I wanted her to understand that everything about the whole situation was basically non-consensual. If I had the choice, I never would have spoken to that stupid preppy ghost in the first place. I wondered if my dad was listening in as I explained it all. I honestly hoped he wasn’t.

There was silence at the other end while I waited for mom to take it all in. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until mom said, “Okay.”

I sighed in relief.

“It sounds like that was…different? They’ve never done that to you before, right?”

Kind of think of it, no. That was different. Of course, when I was younger, I would just speak to them normally anyway. But that? I’ve never had a ghost do that to me, ever. I’ve never felt so violated before. It was strange…

After talking to mom a bit longer, I finally hung up and laid in the grass, looking up at the clouds. Was there something about this area that made them stronger, maybe? I really shouldn’t be thinking too much about it, but I also didn’t want that to happen again. Maybe I could walk down to the store tomorrow and see if they had anything that warded off spirits. I might also do some research, just to make sure.

So much for being ‘ordinary’, huh?

[coeurdastronaute]

Kiwi 11

Previously on Kiwi

Nothing could have been more welcomed than the spring. And not the beginning of the spring, but rather the full blown, wonderful, lush and verdant, alive and living, blooming and warm and sunshine afternoons. It brought about the feeling of new and completeness, of happiness that wasn’t hardfought. 

“Give. Me. The cookie!” Lexa yelled and she plodded her way through the park, hands up and jagged, like the monster she was portraying. 

Tiny legs waddled through the grass, squealing with delight as the auntie teased and tripped over herself, flummoxing her way around in the sunshine and grass. But laid flat on her stomach, morally defeated the monster watched the little bare feet approach and giggle before poking her cheek. 

“Aunt Lexie?”

“GrrrRRrrr.” 

“No, no bad.” 

“Please?” Lexa asks, tilting her head to the side as she squints, hair messy and obstructing much of her view. “Pretty please?”

“No more bad.” 

Not even two yet, her nephew was precocious and she had a soft spot for his tiny shirts and socks and dimples and hair and snores. Their tour came with a nanny now, and she was okay with it because he was the best way to spend a few hours detoxing from the blitz of traveling around the world. 

“You’ll share with me please?” she asked, sounding a little sad and sticking out her bottom lip. 

A piece of cookie was fed to her as a little boy squatted near her, gently feeding as if she were an animal in a petting zoo. She wasn’t sure how to explain to someone how much moments like this saved her life. How stale animal crackers and tiny fingers who pet her head and told her no more bad as the sunshine drifted in between the waving branches of the trees in the park as everyone spoke French around them and her sister lounged on the blanket, rocking her foot to the imaginary beat of the afternoon harmonies. 

“We have to head back to the hotel soon,” the adult explained as she turned a page and caught sight of her watch. “Indra scheduled a meeting.” 

“It’s our off day.” 

“I don’t think we actually have those.” 

“I can’t hear you, I’m napping.” 

“You’re less cooperative than a toddler, just so you know.” 

“I already knew.” 

“I’m going to tell Clarke.” 

“She knows too.” 

Lexa smiled to herself and pressed her face into the soft blades of grass while her nephew plopped down near her, still rubbing her hair gently, making more of a mess of it than usual. Nothing was going to get accomplished today, not with spring around them and hopeful enough to distract from the tiredness of the second half of the tour and the start of festival season. 

“She’s coming along soon, huh?” 

“Just over a week,” Lexa smiled and closed her eyes. “Dublin.” 

“Ah, the city of love. If only we went on tour and hit the actual City of Love… Oh, wait…” 

“She had to wrap up her internship and then promised to come on vacation and see some of Europe with us.” 

“You say us, like Clarke is going to be hanging out with me and the kiddo.” 

“Sometimes,” Lexa shrugged. “If you want to see her and stuff.” 

“I’d like to get to know her, if you’ll keep her around.” 

On the grass, Lexa stretched and basked in a little bit of sunshine. She savored the feeing of the dirt and the grass and the toddler that threw himself onto her stomach while her sister hinted at getting to know her girlfriend. 

“Can you remind me not to do anymore tours ever again?” 

“I would, but you’ve already got the workings of another album in the works,” Anya squinted and tossed her book down. 

“No, I refuse. I’m taking a vacation.” 

“You say that now.” 

“I haven’t taken a proper vacation in like six years.” 

“What about rehab?” 

Lexa scoffed and furrowed, rolling her eyes at the idea that she had any sort of fun while pulling the toxins from her body. That the inability to move from her bed, that the shaking and the sick and the ache and the pain-- none of it was a vacation in any form. But Lexa used it. She savored the pain, even when it was enough to make her want to kill herself, because it was her cosmic retribution for everything else she did to her sister. 

But she would never say it was a vacation.

“If that’s what a woman’s gotta do to get a break, I guess I’m due.” 

“I’ll kill you myself next time.” 

“I might take you up on that.” 

The siblings smiled at each other. Lexa smiled as she felt a tiny head nuzzle under her neck. It was perfect, and Lexa was getting good at appreciating these things. 

XXXXXXXXXX

There weren’t so much jitters anymore as there had been before. From time to time, Lexa would feeling a little more amped up than normal when putting on for a particularly raucous crowd. But in the tedium of such a long tour, the almost day-to-day schedule didn’t really get her up in arms anymore. 

But there was a ritual to it all. Most of her day was perfectly coordinate by her manager and a publicist and an entire corporate army of people whose sole job it was to make her bband a success, and as she got older and sober, she realized how good they were at it, and how easy her life could become if she let it. 

And what no one seemed to point out, or at least not that she could remember, was that if she listened and was receptive and prompt, her days led to more free time. It was an actual wonder to see it function as it should. 

The nerves came slowly, and though they never reached the former, paralyzing level, they still grew the closer it got. Lexa took the edge off with stretching and playing video games before the meet and greets, and between that and the set, she read and kept quiet, to herself, away from people. She was about to be pelted with thousands of voices, and having none was her permanent pre-detox. 

Sometimes, she watched the opener, proud of their growth. Sometimes she called Clarke, depending on the time zone. 

Mostly, Lexa sat in her green room and waited, itched, ahed to play. The nerves came from an eagerness to wreck herself on stage.

“Can we skip the hand squeezing after tonight?” Lexa asked as Indra swept into the green room, eyes fixed pointedly on her phone screen as she typed some response. “I went for a run yesterday and I need to recover.” 

“Where’s Anya?” 

“You can just tell me, you don’t have to wait for Anya.” 

“She’s nicer to me; she doesn’t ask for ridiculous favors like avoiding wealthy and famous and connected people who play your records.” 

“Not to your face,” the guitarist grumbled.

“How kind of her. But this is something I need her help with.” 

“Maybe I can help.” 

“I don’t know,” she shook her head and shoved her phone in her pocket. “I think… This is a tough... “

To many, they wouldn’t see how much Indra cared about the two sisters. They were her bounce back to the big times. She discovered them, brought them up, showed them the ropes, kept them as safe as she could. She celebrated the highs, the hits, the shows, and she was there for the lows, for the rehab, for the relapse. She lived for them, giving up all other clients, traveling with them part-time. She was protective because they were her’s. 

“You’re going to have Anya tell me whatever news you’re about to break?”

“Yes,” Indra nodded, earning a smile. 

“Coward.” 

“You could be nicer to me-- I’m letting your girlfriend come along for a few weeks.” 

“You like Clarke.” 

“I do, which makes this a little more difficult.” 

“I’ve never seen you have difficulties telling me anything before. This must be bad. Did we get dropped from the label? Am I under arrest? Embarrassing pictures leaking? My porn history hacked?” 

“Not that I’m aware of,” Indra sighed, mentally making a note to have all internet-capable devices double checked. “This is more of something that I want to prepare you for, but I’m trying to be considerate of your sobriety.” 

“Oh, yikes,” Lexa furrowed and turned around, facing her friend who looked like she struggled with these words more than ever before. “Well, I’m in a good place. I’ve been working the meetings. Honestly, I can handle anything.” 

“Tonight there’s-- Well… What I mean is the... “ she took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Where is Anya?” 

“Probably changing the kid. She likes to put him down before our shows. I told you to ban him from the tour. The whole lot of them. Anya and the kid and the husband, exhausting.” 

“Costia is coming to the show tonight.”

The name hurt. It hit her like a ton of bricks. In any string of words put together in the world, she never imagined that Indra would put those words together. 

“Weird. She hates my shows.” 

“She’s promoting a movie she’s in for a second, and she’ll be in town. She knows it’ll generate buzz and rumors.” 

“You’ve spoken to her publicist then?” Lexa nodded to herself, keeping it all business. That would help, she convinced herself. 

“I did. It… it didn’t go well. We basically got the message that it’s happening no matter what, and we should prepare, and there’s no stopping it.” 

“Couldn’t you just ban her?” 

“And then the story is about how you’re still hung up on her. If she comes here, it’s her that’s hung up on you.” 

“Is she?” 

She hadn’t meant to sound interested, and she wasn’t actually. She hadn’t thought about Costia in a long time, but suddenly she had to think about her, and that was hard. Awkwardly, her agent shifted and took a deep breath, strongly disliking this conversation. 

“I mean, who wouldn't be?” 

“Don’t manage me.” 

“It was a good line though, wasn’t it?” Indra offered a small grin. 

“I don’t care. Do I have to see her?” The manager pursed her lips and Lexa groaned. “I need to call Clarke before this hits the waves.” 

“Want to hit a meeting after all of this? I’ll go with you.” 

“I’ll let you know.” 

“Hey, you almost ready to go on?” Anya stuck her head into the room. 

“Oh, now you show up,” Indra shook her head and brushed past her.

“What’s her problem?” 

Lexa just shook her head and turned back toward the mirror. 

XXXXXXXXXX

The sweat was just starting to cool on her neck when her sister stalked toward her, and Lexa knew she was in trouble, even if she didn’t know what for just yet. The euphoria wouldn’t go away. She was still on that high and the stadium was still changing her name despite the encore and there really weren’t drugs that could compete with something like that, even with Anya’s angry face. 

“So that’s why you switched up the set list for the encore.” 

Hands on her hips, she stopped in front of her sister, blocking her off from the rest of the world, cornered and toweling the sweat off of her neck and forehead. 

“Thought we could just do a few different songs tonight,” Lexa shrugged. 

“Indra should have told me. You should have told me.” 

“Why? It’s just a normal night.” 

“That dumb bitch got you hooked--”

“Okay, hold on. You can’t blame her for my actions. Costia didn’t--”

“Don’t defend her!” Anya yelled. 

Lexa had seen her sister mad. She’d made her mad from time to time, believe it or not. She was good at it, but it was never real anger, never this real kind of bite to her words that she currently was exhibiting. This wasn’t a time to reason with her or nitpick word choice. 

In all honesty, Lexa just wanted the night to end. 

Her legs were sore, her brain was a little distracted, and she knew she was gong to wake up to very stupid rumors. But she’d be one day closer to her girlfriend arriving. She smiled, thinking about Tinder’s numbers. 

“You’ll be with me. We’ll do the stupid hand shaking and after party thing, and be on our way. I’m fine, by the way.” 

“You changed the songs.” 

“Yeah.” 

She looked guilty at the admission as her sister sized up the result of the news. 

“You played her song.” 

“The only songs I play are mine.” 

It was a lie, but her sister didn’t push. 

“We’ll do a meeting tomorrow. Two if you want.” 

“Can we just take it hour by hour. I’m honestly fine. I don’t want to think about it too much.” 

“Okay.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Does Clarke know?” Anya ventured, softening slightly. 

“Yeah, I called her before we went on. That was an awkward conversation.” 

“What did you say? Hey, my ex is here and I have to see her for very stupid and very commercial reasons?” 

“Basically, but with a lot of ‘please don’t be mad at me’s thrown in for good measure.” 

Anya smiled and put her arm over her sister’s shoulders before steering her toward the dressing room. 

“You should send her flowers tomorrow.” 

“Already ordered.” 

“Thata girl. I knew you were trainable.” 

XXXXXXXX

It wasn’t hard to see Costia, and that was the hard part. She was beautiful. She was still beautiful. She would always be beautiful. It wasn’t hard to be in the same room as her because she was light and airy, she was wind and wild and illuminating to anyone that came within her orbit. She was intoxicating so that nothing made sense and you did things you normally wouldn’t do, but it was okay, because she had the capacity to see you and believe in you and make you believe in yourself. She was effervescent, and Lexa hated that word because no one was ever actually effervescent-- except for Costia. 

She wasn’t a bad person, contrary to what Anya might think. In fact, often she was a very good person who held doors for strangers and was the type to discreetly tell you there was food in  your mouth before following it up with a compliment about your shoes and the next thing you knew, you were best friends and it was a week later and you didn’t know how you got to St. Tropez. 

It wasn’t hard to see Costia-- it was actual torture. 

Costia smelled like coke in Barbados. She tasted like lines off tanned thighs. She looked like two yellow pills and a tab on a tongue. She was a numbness that made Lexa itch like she hadn’t itched before and she wondered if she was still in love with her. 

And all of this happened in a room full of people who had no idea. 

The niceties of the party were done and the evening stretched. Anya kept an eye on her sister and Lexa was grateful for it. She needed it, she realized; not because she was afraid of doing anything, but just that she was very afraid of being alone. 

“I recognize that look,” Costia whispered as she slipped beside Lexa, weaving through the crowd to find her alone in a corner. 

“I don’t have looks.” 

“You are desperately planning your escape.” 

“Just trying to find my sister,” Lexa disagreed, avoiding looking at her. 

If she glanced, she would have seen her shoulders, bare and sun-kissed. She would have seen the familiar slope of her nose and the stupid little scar on the corner of her jaw that she felt very self-conscious about despite it being half an inch and unnoticeable to anyone who wasn’t intimately-- Nope. She wouldn’t glance. 

Her palms were sweaty, and she gripped the glass of water tighter in her hand. 

“You look good, by the way. I don’t think I told you that. We didn’t really get a chance to chat, though I imagine that’s by Indra’s design.” 

“She’s good at her job.” 

Costia chuckled and Lexa felt her throat close. 

“I followed your lead. Clean for 4 months.” 

“That’s really good. You look,” Lexa gulped and looked at her ex, cursory and strictly for show. “You look good.” 

“Thank you, for doing this, for coming tonight,” Costia offered, taking the chance of meeting Lexa’s eyes finally to be earnest and grateful. “I know it’s stupid, but our paths crossed and we need all the publicity we can for this movie. It’s stupid--’ She tucked a stray curl behind her ear and Lexa died. 

“It’s not. I’m proud you’re branching out. I wasn’t going to do anything else tonight anyway.” 

She got sized up with that comment and she felt it. Deep amber eyes searched her face and plump lips curled up the faintest amount. Only someone acquainted with those lips would see it and appreciate. 

Lexa looked away immediately before taking a sip of her water. 

“We should get out of here and catch up.” 

If only Anya were around. Or Clarke. 

Clarke. 

Fuck. 

Lexa took a deep breath and let it out slowly, clearing all of the noise and the memories. 

“I promised my sister I wouldn’t leave without her. We have a show tomorrow, and this tour has been crazy. I’m running again and I ran yesterday but I want to do it again tomorrow.” 

“That was about six excuses rolled into one.”  

“I think the most important of all might be Clarke. I promised her I’d behave myself.”

“You don’t trust me?” 

It was the look. The same look she had before every wonderful thing that happened during their relationship. The look that Costia got before mischief was afoot-- before she tackled Lexa into bed, before she tossed her book aside and crawled into her lap, before she told her to ignore her phone and spend the weekend in a cabin. 

“No. I don’t.” 

She laughed and shook her head. 

“That’s fair. I’ve been fairly untrustworthy in the past.” 

“You can say that.” 

They were quiet for a moment and Anya caught Lexa’s eye from across the room and did her best to make her way over for the rescue. 

“So. Clarke. That’s an interesting name. How’d you meet?”

“Tinder.” 

“Wow. I wouldn’t have taken you for a dating app user.” 

“I’m not. It was for a radio interview game… almost a year ago, actually,” Lexa smiled to her chest as she recounted it. 

“How’s she doing with the whole,” she waved her hands in Lexa’s direction. “Rockstar thing.” 

“Anya doesn’t let me call myself that.” 

“It’s still true.” 

“She’s good. She’s... “ Lexa paused and smiled, unsure of how to describe her present versus the haze of memories she’d buried and been forced to excavate in the past fifteen minutes. “She’s sturdy. She’s steady. She’s gorgeous and funny and strong. She finds me impressive for the things I’m proud of being and she’s not bothered by the things everyone else latches onto. She’s a photographer. And messy but in a neat way-- like her mess isn’t unwieldy. It’s perfect. She’s like breathing, you know? When you sit at the bottom of the pool and then get a big gulp of air. That’s what she feels like.” 

Speechless, Costia stared at her ex as she realized she’d said many words. She recounted it all in her own head and felt each syllable like a knife creating small slits across her skin. 

“Wow. Where can I get one of those?” 

Lexa blushed to the tips of her ears and smiled, embarrassed and awkward as she sipped a little more. 

“Sorry, I just… I don’t get to talk about her much on the road.” 

“No, no… it was refreshing,” the model lied. “Have you written her songs yet?” 

“No.” 

It was Lexa’s turn to lie, though she didn’t consider it such. Not when she hadn’t published or really polished anything worthwhile. 

“That’s surprising. Did you tell her you were going to see me?” 

“Yeah, I called her before I went on tonight.”

“How’d she feel?” 

“Not great. But she understood.” 

“Sounds too good to be true.” 

“She’s… yeah. I don’t know. She’s my favorite person on the planet, honestly.” 

Before Costia could ask anything else, Anya was able to disentangle herself from the group that accumulated and found her sister. 

“I think you gave the reporters more than enough time together,” Anya muttered, disinterested in anything from Costia. “Ready to head out?” 

“Yeah, sounds good,” Lexa nodded. “It was great to catch up. I’d say let’s do it again, but I have a feeling our sponsors might say no.” 

“Or your girlfriend.” 

“Clarke?” Anya scoffed. “Nah. She’s too graceful to say something like that. But I will. I think we can say this was enough catching up for a century.” 

Costia nodded and looked back at Lexa who didn’t disagree with her sister, though she shook her head and tried to soften the blow. 

“That’s not true,” Lexa feigned politeness. “It really was good to see you, and I’m glad you’re doing so well.”

Costia leaned forward and hugged her ex. Lexa only used one arm and pulled away as quickly as possible. 

“You too, Lex,” she smiled. “I’ll see you around.” 

“Yeah, I hope so.” 

“I could go without it,” Anya interrupted. 

With a nod, Costia made her way back into the party and Lexa looked at her sister before earning a disapproving glance. 

“We were just catching up. She’s clean, and I know how hard it is sometimes.”

“You looked chummy.” 

“We actually were just chumming it up.” 

“She lives in a room behind a door that you don’t want to reopen. Leave her there, Lex.”

“I am.” 

“Good.”

NEXT

[xplrvibes]

Its the constant boasting that they're having a grand old time while so many deaths keep getting reported all over the country and in Los Angeles that really pisses me off. Its so stupid of them to think that eventhough they're not around a lot of people that its okay to continue to travel and waste so many rapid tests in doing so when they could be used on essential workers. They reported the closing of two test centers because theyre running out of tests. There's also people spending the night in their cars just to get a test and here are all these influencers with their, "We all tested negative so we can film" bull.

(This got long, so some of it is going behind a cut)

Is this about snc?

If so...I am in agreement with everyone that does not understand the point behind filming this series in Utah.  I feel like everything they are doing, while exciting and fun, could have been done in CA.

I’ve talked about this before, but the reason I don’t normally get involved in the discussions about people travelling during the pandemic is because I have had to do some travelling during the pandemic (work travel that could not be avoided, one very long cross country drive for a family emergency, and one ill fated overnight trip to the beach over the summer when things were good that I regretted from pretty much the second I got out of my car), and I would feel like a hypocrite coming down on anyone for work/family travel (just to explain why I don't normally talk about this on my blog, for those interested or who think I don't care etc).   

Now, having said that, I never did the rapid testing thing (I didn’t even know those existed until very recently-I did the normal testing/quarantining). The rapid testing, I feel, is more of a way to show people “Hey, we’re taking precautions!” which...eh.  I don’t think a lot of people really realize how ineffective those rapid tests are.  I certainly didn’t until everyone on here started talking about them.  So, if the majority of people don’t know what those tests are, they see someone getting a covid test and think, “Oh good, they are being safe,” and leave it at that.

I do agree with what you said, in that I think they genuinely think they are being “safe” by wearing masks around people, staying away from people, and having people test before filming with them.  I don’t think they truly realize how much deeper it goes, because honestly-a lot of people in this country don’t.  The most you hear is “wear a mask and stay 6 ft apart” so people do that and call it a day, as if that’s the magic cure-all for covid. 

I feel like in general (not related to snc whatsoever) people feel like this pandemic was left behind in 2020, especially since we now have a vaccine.  There’s this sense of the light being at the end of the tunnel getting everyone all riled up and excited, and I think people are forgetting that the vaccine actually has to be distributed and the country has to actually be vaccinated first, which will take time.  

There are other things that I think are motivating the majority of the country, which I won’t even get into.  Politics, stubbornness, people being sick and tired of it all, misinformation about what is actually happening, panic over income and their futures-you name it, it could probably be applied to the reason that people just will not accept that the quarantine must continue for a bit and that their inability to just stick with the quarantine is contributing to this whole thing being prolonged the way it has. 

Every state is also being handled in a totally different way, with totally different outcomes, which doesn’t help.  Florida, for example, is wide open.  Nevada, too.  I was in Montana a few months ago on my way across country and you would’ve thought covid wasn’t even a thing there.  Someone got mad a me for wearing a mask at a gas station.  They don’t even want to hear about any of this out there.

So you’ve got people whose whole entire lives and jobs are to travel, make content around travelling, or sell themselves online travelling and being in all these glamorous places...and their state is telling them, “NOPE, you have to stay in.”  But there’s no country-wide ban on travel, and there are 49 other states, and some of them are doing things completely differently, so...why not just go to those places and film/make content instead?  That way they don’t lose their income, but they also still get to make the same content as always and don’t have to figure out new content, which could potentially flop with their viewers, which could bring down their revenue, etc. 

(Disclaimer: I am not saying this is the right way of thinking AT ALL, just that I think this is part of the motivation for some of these influencers)

Now, onto SNC.  Some of what I said above probably applies to them, but I wonder sometimes if there isn’t a little bit of resentment/competition in their case as well.  Here’s why:

At the beginning of this whole thing, they stayed in the house for months.  They didn’t film any new content for snc, they didn’t film any content where they left the house on their personal channels. Even when they did Cerro Gordo over the summer, it was a ghost town with one man living in it, and everyone got tested before and after filming.  And guess what?  Their views suffered, their popularity went down; people got bored with them and turned to other things.  (Sidenote: fandoms are fleeting.  Nobody unconditionally loves and supports anyone.  If they aren’t giving you content, you will walk away until they start entertaining you again.  That’s a fact of fandom life.)

Meanwhile, Corey and Elton just said fuck it and spent this entire pandemic travelling non-stop, with no consequences and very few people calling them out-cause in the grand scheme of things, tumblr and what little of the fandom felt like saying stuff to and about them, does not count as being “called out” on a big scale.  TFIL still gets decent viewership (their recent videos did better than SNC’s) and there was literally no long term consequence to their actions, covid wise.

So lets say, SNC start thinking, “Damn...Elton’s doing this shit, Corey’s doing this shit, they’ve managed to keep it going all this time and nobody’s said anything to them...it must be easier than we thought to safely travel/film during a pandemic.  And obviously nobody cares if they’re doing it...so why can’t we do it, too?”  And off they go.

Now, I’m not saying thats how they feel and, if it is, I’m not saying thats the right way to feel...but nobody is perfect.  Resentment and competition and the need to continue to make money drives us all sometimes.  SNC aren’t saints.  I don’t think for a second that they are inherently bad people, but they are PEOPLE.  People are dumb.  People do dumb shit for bad reasons with little thought to the big picture or to how their actions affect others sometimes. 

All this to say: they are idiots.  They’re gonna do whatever they are gonna do, until they realize it isn’t safe, finally start getting called out on a big scale by their fandom, get covid, get stuck in some random state and have to make the Rubik’s Cube video I am so honestly excited about, or until they get the vaccine...whichever comes first. 

I completely understand how frustrating all of this is, because even I, the person who doesn’t normally get involved in these discussions, kind of did a, “YIKES,” when I saw their insta stories.  I wish I had better answers, or knew how to get in touch with them to knock their heads together and knock some sense into them.   

And please, don’t take any of this as a defense against snc, or any influencers in general.  I just think that human motivation is an interesting thing, and I think everyone has a reason (good or bad) for the reasons they do things.  Everyone is the hero of their own story, as they say...so nobody can see when they are being the bad guy.  

Also, this got really, really long and I apologize.  I need to cut down on my rants.  But I love the asks! 

[johnseedfanclub]

microscope, mixtape, ufo, and parachute for Angel please!!

okay....This one’s quiiiiite lengthy sorry about that 😅😅😅

Thanks for the ask! ♥️

Hope y’all like this one~

microscope: zoom in – describe the little, insignificant details about an OC.

Angel loves Thai iced tea and sweet drinks! He only drinks coffee for the caffeine but doesn’t actually like coffee (he prefers his with a lot of sugar/flavoring to cover up the bitter coffee taste)

Angel wishes he could have a pet but is scared he might hurt them with his bad mood swings

He secretly loves and wants plushies. He also has an attachment to them but never admits it because he’s “too old” for them.

His type is brunette, charming, suave, rich/wealthy men (not literally but is a nice add on yk~) , with light colored eyes (coincidentally it sounds like John but he can’t stand him)

Actually acts out/badly for a bit of attention he usually does it for shits and giggles but does it to receive a reaction out of someone whether it be from the person he’s talking to or the audience watching

He actually wishes people gave him more affection and reassurance. He never truly knows how much his friends appreciate him an a lot of times he feels like they don’t much. He doesn’t tell them the truth though because he doesn’t want to come off as jealous, needy or as an “attention seeker”

Likes dressing feminine more than masculine. He absolutely HATES men’s clothing Hawaiian shirts, turtlenecks, tuxedos/formal wear are the only exceptions (he would pretend to like the boxes of men’s clothing he would receive from friends as gifts. Would never even wear them. Maybe once if he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings)

Canonically he is “blonde” but he’s actually a brunette (light brown hair) but likes to dye his hair blonde instead

ufo: identity! what are some key identifying qualities or traits of your OC(s)? how to they identify in regards to gender/sexuality?

Special Qualities: his personality. Angel has a very unique personality compared to everyone he knows. He has this funny, mean/sarcastic, chill vibe to him. He always teases and plays around with his friends, not to mention he’s quite blunt and honest with anyone (even more harsh to people who annoy him). And though he seems like a small angry chihuahua at times, he’s a real sweetheart to everyone. He is never afraid to try anything new, no matter now fucking crazy or dangerous it may be he’s totally down to do it. That’s why both Eden’s Gate and the Resistance fear

Good Traits: He’s comedic (even at the worst times or when you need it), is the best at throwing house parties (even at 30 years old), he can help you with any favor it doesn’t even matter what it is (almost impossible to ask him of something he can’t do), he’ll take care of you when you’re sick/hungover/injured/depressed/having a panic attack, he’s a great cook and willing to share whatever he makes with anyone (if there’s enough), and he’s always generous (a big gift giver)

Bad Traits: He can a bit overly aggressive/rude (sometimes accidentally), he’s bad at remembering/keeping tract of things (he knows everyone’s favorite animal but totally forgets their birthdays and/or names), tends to crack under too much (bad) pressure and become extremely aggressive or violent, holds in his true feelings and emotions, has really bad mood swings, can be easy to piss off, can be too loud (mouthed) at times

Sexuality: Gay (attracted to men)

Gender identity: depends on the way he dresses/his mood normally he prefers he/him/they/them but if he dresses more feminine (wears makeup, tight dresses, feminine accessories) you could call him by she/him, or even they/them. (No pronoun preferences when he cross dresses)

#squad: who’s friends with who? what are the squad dynamics like?

Angel has few friends outside Hope County. The main people he’s friends with are Mary May, Jerome, Staci Pratt, Sharky Boshaw, Hurk Drubman Jr, Adelaide, Faith Seed, the Angel Twins (Jeremiah and Isaiah), the Whitetails, and a few of the peggies of Eden’s Gate

The only squads that Angel are apart of are

Sharky + Hurk = The Bomb Squad

Peggies = Eden’s “Gays”

Angel, Sharky, and Hurk are like the best and worst pairing. They’re all sweet, funny, and humble but can be obnoxious and destructive as FUCK. Anytime they go somewhere to find/finish some mission. It always ends in them leaving a trail of either, fire, gunpowder, or an explosion of some sort (either vehicle, silo, bliss tank, or outpost/building). Don’t even ask or mention what they do for leisure time. More crazy stunts and tricks that could put any normal person with a normal brain in the ER in critical condition. And at the bar? Jesus Christ. They order enough alcohol to kill 5 men but somehow make it through the night. And if they aren’t drinking, they’re sure as hell smoking weed or whatever the fuck Sharky has been brewing in his trailer (it’s most likely a 50/50 chance that you’ll pass out or die from it). They’re definitely one crazy ass group, nothing you would ever even expect, not even out of a crazy...Hollywood...Michael Bay movie. A feminine Latino city gay, an old cheery bomb-rocket enthusiast, and a insane pyromaniac that has a warrant. There definitely isn’t a dull moment with these three. But...you’re good as gone if you’re stuck with them for more than 11 minutes.

Angel and the Eden’s “Gays” are a pretty decent sized group of 6 men (plus the Twins some days) that are the few queer men of Eden’s Gate. Originally they seemed quite closeted because of the cult’s religion and some of its rules. But with Angel around they soon became another loud, obnoxious group of men. Before the whole group was “founded” the original 6 peggies (including John Seed himself) didn’t like Angel at all because of how loud and “out” he seemed (not to mention the carelessness). But as Angel visited the bunkers more often (after he was kidnapped by John) they slowly grew fond of him. Angel would always do kind gestures to learn more about Eden’s followers by helping them with chores, tasks, bringing them food and treats from outside the compound (though he wasn’t supposed to), and even help them find comfort in their own troubles. Though Angel liked a lot of the members he really favored 6 different followers in particular Connor, Michael, Anthony, Jace, and Jefferey (those who were the first followers he interacted with). Now they’re known as Eden’s Gays troublemakers. They sneak out to the Spread Eagle to drink, host secret parties in Hope County, and smoke as well. There isn’t a moment where they aren’t breaking the cult’s rules. They’re the only group of peggies some of the resistance members trust mostly because Angel made a rule of not attacking or harming them and actually enjoy being around. They’re definitely always getting into trouble with both sides too, much like Angel, starting small fights during church/sermons, fooling around on the job, or going around Hope County not to attack the locals but pester the living shit out of them. They almost stop being violent mean peggies and instead just become this goofy comedic group of young men. (Fun Fact: the “Eden’s Gays” were actually a thing before the cult became hostile *during its first few years in Hope County* and John was mostly the “leader” of the crazy group)

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like.

Ohohohooooo~

(The possibilities are endless for this one so I’m sticking to a Baddie playlist he would listen to)

May I ~ Flo Mili

Literal Legend ~ Ayesha Erotica

Yikes ~ Nicki Minaj

I like it ~ Cardi B

Sway With Me ~ Saweetie & GALAXARA

parachute: who does your OC(s) trust the most? who makes them feel safe? who would they do absolutely anything for?

Missy (my U.S. Marshal oc), is one of the few people he trusts the most. During the time from when he was arrested to when he was released out of jail (and transferring to Hope County Jail), she was always like a mother figure to him. And though she was supposed to investigate Angel’s murder and drug charges, she treated him kindly and respect, instead of a criminal. Without Missy, Angel might as well been as good as dead since she was the one that helped him move to a psychiatric ward instead of federal prison after discovering who he really was. Even after he was released, Missy still treated him as if he was her own son. She allowed him to stay at her penthouse apartment when Angel told her his father had disown him and he had no where to go. She always cared about him, made sure he ate, drank water, took care of himself, and even helped him get a better mindset. Though Angel still teases Missy by calling her “Mama Bear (Missy)” or “Mother Goose (or hen)” he’s forever grateful she was always there for him.