#so I guess this ramble is all to say that I'm getting my real life shit together and that's all the mental bandwidth I have right now

[endlessnightlock]

why have you become inactive?

Hi Anon, I hope you're doing well today.

Mostly, I haven't been around as much because real life requires more of my attention. Good stuff, though. Being more present with my family (I went to see the FNAF movie with my thirteen-year-old this week. Are any FNAF fans out here? I was slightly confused by the movie because it's not my thing but had a lot of fun going with her), eating better, cleaning my house, and trying to get organized so my chaotic monkey brain stays happy. Unfortunately, you have to stay on top of that stuff more as you age if you want to keep your sanity :).

Hopefully, once I get more of my shit together, I'll be around here more often. Love you guys and I miss hanging out!

[onlythebravest]

-

[kaibutsushidousha]

Kodaka April Fools tweets 2024

Lying just because it's April Fools' is so dull. Honestly painful to watch. Lying in general doesn't do you any good. In my younger days, I told every lie I could, saying some genuinely insane stuff about being a supreme leader of evil and whatnot, and thanks to that, now that I'm in my thirties, I got famous for all the wrong reasons and can't find a stable job because people think I'm associated with the yakuza... Sigh, I wanna deck my cringe younger self's face. Quit lying for fun while you can.

My classmates aren't doing great either. Thinking you're hot shit during your school days always comes back to bite you... My advice to my past self: slow and steady effort is worth more than any talent. Also, the part of life you spent larping with that silly horse laugh is not going to be one you'll want to remember later. I wish I could make that clear to him. White lies aren't a thing. Talent is never enough. My class is proof of that. Wanna know what my classmates are like now that we're in our thirties?

Akamatsu became a piano teacher. Her player skills capped off in her teens, it seems. But she's not that good at teaching so she's considered kinda mid at her job. And now she's struggling with the father of a student incessantly hitting on her. Tough world to live in.

Toujou opened a housekeeping company but she was too strict with her employees so everyone quit. And now she's doing everything on her own. Sucks to be in your thirties without any successors or employees. She's a prime example of how being so much better than anyone else doesn't do you any good. Well, she's always working for celebrities, so she's doing well financially, but I heard about some major court fight about a missing item under suspicion of theft from one of her clients. That can't be nice.

Yumeno got to her thirties still saying magic is real, so she's past the point of no return. She agrees that's an unhinged way to live, but she's too old to suddenly change gimmicks. Work takes her all over the country, but her gimmick doesn't allow her to publicly drink, so she has to get plastered alone in her hotel room after shows. I wish she could fix her life with real magic.

Harukawa? ...Haven't heard that name in a long time. Now she was a living edgy fantasy. The past tense was because I hadn't heard of her in a long time. I don't know the details, but apparently, she went to some war zone outside of Japan because her first love didn't want to date her. Takes some real edgelord to react to a broken heart like that, but if she's still alive, I have no idea how her thirties are treating her. My personal guess is that she's a mother of many.

Chabashira opened her Aikido school but is having a hard time attracting students. So she had the idea of starting an anti-sexual-harassment campaign that could double as advertisement, but thanks to her cluelessness when it comes to romance, she got canceled for mistakenly tossing men in regular couples. She's still doing the "degenerate males" bit in her thirties. Girl really needs to get on with the times. Rumor goes that she still downs huge packs of tequila bottles with Yumeno every now and then. Really don't think there's any salvaging her reputation.

Shirogane is an office lady still continuing her cosplay hobby on the side. She could be doing well if she knew how to keep her mouth shut but frequently rambles about cosplay history and etiquette, so no one likes having her around. Stay emotionally dependent on a single hobby long enough and your passion starts to close you off to others. That's her problem.

Angie was the most successful in the class! She made big money both on the art and the religion fronts. However, there were some controversies about her devotees selling counterfeits of her paintings at exorbitant prices and one magazine made a huge news coverage of it, which resulted in her catching the police's attention. She's been recently untraceable, with the rumors saying that she'll never be back to Japan.

Oh, and Iruma... Up until some point, she had the best life of all of us. She made big money off of her inventions' patents. So far so good. Things only started going off-rails after she married an ex-stripper. The two started a YouTube channel together. And later, her husband ran in last year's elections and lost big time. They got an awful debt from his election campaign and she had to get into side jobs to pay it off. And her husband? Disappeared. No word from Iruma herself about what happened. Tough world to live in.

No further updates from Kodaka in the past 3 hours, so I assume he went to sleep and will come back to tweet about the 7 remaining boys in the morning.

[passionpeachy]

Sorry if this is weird but I wanted to say it's so comforting to know that there are other lesbians in their mid-to-late 20s who haven't had their first kiss or anything. I know gay people in general tend to reach those milestones later than cishet people but I've always felt like I was way behind even my gay peers, and it has really put a dent in my sense of self-worth. So, you mentioning that you've never kissed anyone made me feel a little less alone. :) Love your art and hope you are doing well.

You should look at the concept of "your first kiss" less as a milestone you have to achieve at a certain age and more of an intimate thing that happens when YOU want to do it, if you even want to do it at all.

I have no idea what your situation is like, but personally I literally just haven't felt a super strong urge to kiss anyone near me here in this very South Texan city. People aren’t really “visibly” queer here with pride flags and stuff, including me. We’ve only had 2 small Pride parades before and that’s it. I'm sure this would eventually change if I lived somewhere more queer-friendly with more sapphics who were my specific type (butch and nonbinary lesbians are pretty much nonexistent here. I once got embarrassingly excited when I saw one(1) online who lived here. It’s like all the real attraction I’ve been deprived of all my life hit me like a truck. No, I’ve never talked to them lol)

......but I'm not saying the girls here aren't ever cute or anything. They’re beautiful actually. Mostly bisexual latinas. I've definitely had some gay moments here and there. It just wasn't enough to spiral into more than light flirting and a cheek kiss, I guess. There’s also the severity of insecurity and mental illness that makes one a homebody, but I don’t want to get into that right now.

So while I want it, I love the idea of it, I'm not really that ashamed about being inexperienced this late in life. Seems more common than people are willing to admit tbh. ANYWAY, I rambled too much. My point is you shouldn't tie this to your self-worth and don't let anyone, even other queer people, make you feel bad about it

[dorylinae-supremacy]

Thinking about an AU where Techno, Wilbur and Tommy are all the harbingers of the actual entire apocalypse and Phil (just some insane guy) decides that those are in fact his kids and starts gaslighting the absolute shit out of them about it.

Rambles under cut!

I wanna try something where they're just more insidious and passive killers than anything else, theyre mostly just biding their time and watching as wherever they're lingering around gets sicker and just starts withering away.

They're a slow moving threat that just can't be stopped and for some reason (because Kristin thinks its funny) Phil just isnt affected by them.

Phil: Oh Techno's always been like that ever since he was a baby Techno: I have literally never met you a day in my life Tommy: Idk man... you have always been like that Wilbur: Oh my death he's actually getting to us

Its a mix of that combined with that "how did he know I was a gemini" meme

Phil: Wil! I brought you some salmon, I know how much you love it! Wilbur: How the fuck did you know I like salmon Phil: I'm your dad silly, of course I'd know :-)

I just think itd be super fun since Phil in this au is literally just some insane dude. He literally lies about their entire childhood but does it so consistently and so realistically that it throws them off guard.

I also have a few ideas where they start referring to Phil as their dad in the beginning as a sarcastic / mocking thing but accidentally just getting themselves even more adopted as they do it.

Phil: Wilbur put on a coat Wilbur: I don't need one! Techno: Go on, Wil. Listen to dad Wilbur: Ugh fine. Only because dad wants it, though

Stranger: Whos this? Tommy: Oh thats our dad. He kinda just tags along Stranger: Aww thats so sweet! You got his nose and everything Tommy: I- wh- no he's not actually our da- Phil: I know he did! Isn't he the cutest, spitting image isnt he? Tommy: You're not my dad! Stranger: Oh someones embarrassed! Phil: Yeah he's going through a rebellious phase right now

Just a mixture of things like that where it starts as calling him it but then accidentally actually giving him parental authority along with that.

I also wanna explore how Kristin and Phils relationship would be like. Maybe her as death being very bemused by this silly human that just decided she was his wife one day.

She literally visits him in dreams and stuff and he just acts as if they're married and have been for years. He complains about their 'rambunctious kids' and how he has to threaten them with her so that they behave sometimes. She finds it so silly and just cant help but play pretend.

Kristin: Hello, human Phil: My love! Its been so long since I've seen you Kristin: We've never met Phil: Oh don't say that! It hasnt been that long. I've just been far too occupied with our boys to visit too much Kristin: Our boys? I made them Phil: And they came out beautiful! I'm so glad Wil and Tech got your eyes. I was hoping they would.

I think that'd be a core part of this AU as well. Everyone is playing pretend but then it just fuzzies and it all becomes real for them. At first its a joke that Phil is her husband and their father but then they get lost in the fantasy and fun of it all and actually accept him as such.

Phil has no ulterior motives either, he's literally just a strange insane man that heard stories about neotrio and started thinking they were his kids one day. He genuinely believes his delusion and they end up accidentally making it a reality.

He just makes lucky guesses and plausible lies often enough that he's still shiny and new, he's still fun to play with and thats what ends up 'tricking' them all.

[coexistentialism]

AAAA I have so many thoughts actually

I think what people don't realize is that you oftentimes might not know you have the symptoms of DID until AFTER you start to explore the idea of having it in the first place.

It was so difficult trying to figure out what symptoms applied to me, what symptoms I related to, what symptoms I was exhibiting, etc.

And that's because DID in and of itself oftentimes even hides those symptoms from you in the first place (especially if you are polyfragmented).

You don't realize what symptoms you have until you really dive deep and try to LOOK for the symptoms in the first place.

Like, not only can a LOT of the DID symptoms be chalked up to "normal, everyday things", but the amnesia and general dissociation that comes along with the disorder makes it difficult to really KNOW if you have those symptoms, how often you experience them if at all. It makes it hard to say for certain "yes, I relate to that" because amnesia can make it seem like you never experience it, or that you "only rarely, if ever" experience it. And dissociation, shame, denial, etc. can make it to where you downplay it if you DO experience it. AND, as I said, a lot of it is oftentimes excused by other things.

Especially, for me particularly, I never really related to "derealization/depersonalization."

I certainly did in the past, and I know I still do, but the thing is, I don't personally relate to the way that dissociation is DESCRIBED.

And I don't know if I'm alone in that?

That DES test that everybody talks about is like my #1 enemy (this is a joke/light-hearted lmfao) because I could never really understand or relate or apply the things that the questions are asking me to myself. I also could not understand what they mean, and a lot of them did not apply to me because of my specific life circumstances, etc.

I would try taking that test on multiple different occasions and feel upset, frustrated and invalidated, because I could not understand the questions; I could not understand what they mean and apply them to myself; I could not make an accurate guesstimate on "how often" they applied to me; and I couldn't relate to them.

I would try taking it and would get scored anywhere from around 23% to 32% at MOST. And it invalidated me so bad, because my friends would be getting scores in the 40% ranges, and I felt like "I guess I don't have DID then" and "I guess I just don't have it that bad"

I would see people making posts about the test online and "brag" almost about "haha lol I got 48% lol oops" and I felt so invalidated because I never saw anybody get below that. It made me feel like I don't have DID at all and that I didn't have it that bad.

And the people who would tell me they didn't think I had DID, etc. and even one therapist (who was really shit honestly oh God I should make a post rambling about him cause. Oh Boy.) and a random psychiatrist I tried to see for a diagnosis (I hoped to be able to get diagnosed and go straight to a therapist instead of having to see a therapist to diagnose me first - I do not recommend this) (She was also horrible), coupled with the fact I just never met or saw anybody else like me, made it real difficult to believe that I could possibly have DID or OSDD.

And looking back at everything, my unawareness of everything - my symptoms, my feelings, everything - made it so much more difficult to be able to describe the precise experiences I was having.

Here I was, going out of my way to "that wasn't another alter- it was just.. Me, doing and saying things, by choice, I am always in control, it wasn't someone else!!!" while every single person around me so outwardly, so flawlessly, and so effortlessly seemed to fit right into system spaces; using the language of "fronting", "switching", "co-consciousness" as if it came naturally to them, and I could never understand, I could never relate.

No matter how much research I had done, I constantly felt like I was "missing" something - like everybody else around me already caught on and understood their experiences and their alters and everything, and I was an outsider intruding in spaces I didn't belong.

No matter how much I thought I knew about DID, no matter how much people and the internet would say "hey, you know DID doesn't require (xyz)", I still felt like "but surely there's something missing that I'm not getting; surely there's something that these people are experiencing that I clearly am not, because if I was, wouldn't I be able to relate to these words to? Wouldn't I know who my alters are by now? It's been years, why am I still so in the dark, and everybody else around me knows so much? There MUST be something I'm missing."

I still felt like I was waiting for myself to pass out or have some experience where I've just "teleported" somewhere with no memory of how I got there, or some "obvious" sign that I've switched, and no matter how much research I did, no matter what people told me, I was still waiting, I was still expecting SOMETHING.

SOMETHING that would make it "obvious" that I've switched; SOMETHING that would make it "obvious" that I have DID; SOMETHING that would make it clear as day and undeniable.

Of course it never happened, because it doesn't work like that.

But when people so effortlessly talk about their alters using language like this:

"Gary is really depressed and likes to write poetry; he only fronts to feel our depression. He doesn't really like to talk to people, so he keeps to himself. He speaks bluntly and doesn't even really like to speak in general, it's too much energy for him when he fronts."

Instead of:

"When I'm really depressed, I really like to write poetry. I don't really like to talk to people when I feel that way, when I'm in that state, and I don't really like to speak at all, it feels like too much energy, when I'm in that state of mind. I also tend to speak more bluntly when I'm like that."

It becomes hard to believe that you have DID at all when the first example is the only way people seem to talk about their alters and their DID.

With the first example, it gives the impression that you're speaking about a totally separate person (which, is totally valid if your alters work that way, but that is besides my point here). It gives the impression that the person who has DID/OSDD is speaking about totally separate people, and like "someone else is in control of that person" or something. At least to me, it did. And that's what I was waiting for, some "obvious" sign, some "obvious" THING to happen to me that would make it clear as day that I had switched, that I was a totally different person, etc. and I was still waiting for SOMETHING to happen, despite what I had researched, despite what people said, because the only way people ever talk about their alters is with the first example.

And I couldn't get it, I couldn't relate, I couldn't understand.

When the only language you are given to explain a phenomenon is language you cannot relate to, it only makes sense that you then decide you must not relate to that phenomena.

It's like if I tried to find resources about DID/OSDD in a language I can't understand, putting it through Google Translate a few times, and then trying to read it and then trying to apply it to myself.

There are endless ways to describe subjective experiences, and when you are only given a few descriptions to choose from, it's easy to say "I don't relate to any of these!" when there are billions of other ways to describe the same phenomena.

It's like if you were told to describe an apple, but you were only given three descriptions to choose from, all of which may or may not be true, depending on the size of the apple, what kind of apple, the color, etc.

Like you're given these three options to describe an apple:

Sweet

Green

Large

Like, sure, all three could apple to a wide variety of different apples, but... There are so many other descriptions you could choose from, and these three descriptions may not apply to every single apple. Sometimes apples are not green, and sometimes they aren't so much sweet as they are sour. Sometimes they are small.

But when you're only told that these are three examples of descriptions of an apple, and you're not given any other language, you start looking at red apples or tiny apples or sour apples and questioning "is that really an apple..?"

*This also applies to OSDD if it applies, I'm just a guy with DID and can only speak about DID since I don't have OSDD

[zooliminology]

Update/What's in the Future

[Hey guys, you probably have noticed that this is going to be likely the longest dry spell of real Zoolim content in a while. I apologize for this. Life has gotten in the way of a lot of things.

-I'm an art student in college, and last semester I didn't take any art classes so I was basically free to do whatever, but this semester I've taken three studio art classes, which are all very intensive and in honesty I would not recommend it! If you're a studio art student stick to 1-2 studio art classes a semester so you don't go insane please! I'm currently absolutely SWAMPED with work right now. -The Golbo video and the video that is imminently due this Tuesday (that i am writing this post about instead of working on) are the results of my New Media class. Considering the ten thousand million fucking art assets I have to draw for these it's been very time consuming (still want to do it though.) -A lot of life things have happened to me recently, not to be super personal but a family member of mine is sick and my living conditions are not the absolute Best, so it's been taking a heavy toll on my health.

All of these combined, especially the studio classes part because I've been bled dry of creativity energy relating to zoolim basically, has caused this dry spell basically. My hopes are that after the semester ends (which is soon) I'll be able to work on things more. I feel bad about not working on it more but I have to draw things other than zoolim to literally stay sane because it's a lot.

So I guess that leaves us with one question: what's in the future?

Well, a lot of things... maybe? I'm a little dry on entity ideas right now but i have a few, and I'd like to revisit some entities more and expand on them. And while I enjoy the videos and the non-entry ideas I have for material, I would also like to continue the 'traditional' paintings and entries. So I hope I can work on that alongside other things! I also have more ideas for videos, but considering how I have to do nearly all of the work, aside from the narration (thanks Darvinos) any video production will likely slow down dramatically after the semester is over. Until my next New Media class at least, but IDK if it will let me make the same shit.

I also have some deeper lore and a story semi-figured out, along with characters (you ever wonder who's taking the pictures? not the same person who's writing the captions!!!) but they would be hard to implement in this tumblr blog organically, so maybe they'll show up in some videos. I've thought of asking more people for help for this purpose, though I'd need to work out completely how that would work, and the moment that zoolim becomes more than some backrooms world i work on mostly by myself will become scary.

Sorry that this post is a big ramble, I hope yall understand and I swear the Longlegs video will come out pretty soon, it will be worked on again right after I post this lol. But please take care, and thank you for all the support you've shown me so far. It truly does mean a lot to me. I've said it several times but I'll say it again, I never imagined this shitty little art project about weird goobers in the backrooms would get so much attention lol.

ok end of post]

[icarusbetide]

wtf was hamilton actually like

yet another long rant about how little i really know about hamilton! this is in regards to his personality because i can't get him down. i can't figure out what he would've been like in everyday life.

for any historical figure, we take explicitly documented traits and build off of them. even if it's clumsy, i'd be confident "predicting" how washington & jefferson usually act, etc. but for some reason, ham's characterization is all over the place. his recorded personality traits, also mixed with his political attitudes, often conflict and authors end up leaning into certain parts. for instance: there's flirty & flamboyant ham. there's prideful, arrogant, standoffish ham. there's bumbling politics ham, obtuse and belligerent 24/7 - aka musical ham, but that was an intentional choice. there's even kind and warm ham, which definitely seems accurate for his family and close friends least.

was he loud and intense 24/7? or was that just him during work, since we also know that he had a habit of mumbling to himself and looking like a daydreamer to spectators?

some people said that his general countenance was serious and austere, but we also know that he could be a charmer in social spaces. he was described as feminine but also as "martial". some have written that there's an "simplicity" in his manners, and a clear openness, but we also speculate that he closed off some part of his emotions after laurens' death. he was constantly worried about his loved ones' health, like him tucking in judge ford, but we also know that he could ghost people mercilessly. was he guarded or was he not?

i guess i can pinpoint how he might have interacted with select people, like eliza, his children, washington. but i don't know which side of him was shown in the majority of his interactions - what the "real" him, or at least common him, would've been.

one of my fav descriptions of him notes how even his speech fluctuated:

“His language is not always equal; sometimes didactic like Bolingbroke’s; at other times light and tripping, like Sterne’s. His eloquence is not so defusive as to trifle with the senses, but he rambles just enough to strike and keep up the attention...His manners are tinctured with stiffness and sometimes with a degree of vanity that is highly disagreeable. “

and i recall another anecdote about how he was serious and made intelligent conversation at dinner, but became more of the flirty charming persona afterwards while socializing.

like all human beings he was multifaceted, but damn. i really can't confidently say "oh if you ran into hamilton in the street he would be really polite/reserved/kind/charming."

i guess all of this goes to say that this guy was insanely complex and i'm not sure if anyone, let alone himself, really figured it out. that's definitely why i'm interested in him as a figure, but ugh. frustrating when i'm writing and can feel myself slipping into a common ham archetype that i don't think is 100% accurate. and we didn't even get into how much of that is "real" or - adams' version.

[lippmannssplatteredblood]

Was it ever confirmed Lippmann was based on Walter Lippmann?

No.

But wait, there's enough evidence! (Ty anon im using this ask as an excuse to ramble and getting these off my chest)

As we all already know, most of the characters in BSD, especially ability users, are based on real life authors. Stormbringer explicitly stated that bsd!Lippmann was "an extremely powerful skill user" so he must be based on someone. And guess what? There happens to be a writer with the exact name as his.

Walter Lippmann was an American journalist, politician, and writer. He was deemed as "the most gifted and influential American political journalist of the twentieth century". His works mostly took the theme of public relations and stuff. Sounds familiar?

I'd like to add this part from the etymology section of his(bsd) wiki btw, just in case you didn't know.

Does it end there? No, not quite.

Let's take a look at his most popular work; Public Opinion.

"...The pictures inside the heads of these human beings, the pictures of themselves, of others, of their needs, purposes, and relationship, are their public opinions. Those pictures which are acted upon by groups of people, or by individuals acting in the name of groups, are Public Opinion with capital letters."

"The pictures in our heads", page 29

People, generally, have some sort of "persona" of themselves that they would try to plant on other people's minds. Kinda like the Japanese "three faces" proverb, you may say. And how do they achieve it? By only presenting that persona; by masking; by acting.

"Royal personages are, of course, constructed personalities. Whether they themselves believe in their public character, or whether they merely permit the chamberlain to stage-manage it, there are at least two distinct selves, the public and regal self, the private and human."

"The pictures in our heads", page 7

Simply said, him being an actor might be a reference to (or a representation of) that human nature which P.O. talks of. An actor acts—they dive into the role of another character that's not them. (Which, when you think about it, is just what us humans do on a daily basis, except they do it professionally and for a living, which when you think about it again—)

Mr. Lippmann also published books titled "A Preface to Politics" and "A Preface to Morals" which is....interesting.

Okay, "preface" and "face" technically are different. Though they still share somewhat a similar meaning.

But hear me out. Let's go back to the persona thing. Generally, what people would want to be perceived as is as the perfect, ideal versions of themselves. To make that happen, they would have to put on a good first impression. And what's usually the first thing that people notice about a person? Correct—their appearance; their face.

Lippmann(bsd) was multiple times described as "perfect" (like okay asagiri, he's pretty, we get it), especially regarding his looks (and capabilities). See what I'm saying?

Lippmann was the stage face, the public image of the Port Mafia. He was the preface to the Port Mafia. He created the pictures in people's head of the Port Mafia.

As a verb, however, "face" has another meaning:

He negotiated with front companies, met and talked with political figures, and even dealt with the press if push came to shove.

I feel like this might be merely a coincidence or a pun, though. But the fact that his field of work in the Port Mafia was specifically negotiating with the "real world" is definitely not something Asagiri just pulled out of thin air—or so I believe to be the case, at least, having read this paragraph.

"This is the underlying reason for the existence of the press agent. The enormous discretion as to what facts and what impressions shall be reported is steadily convincing every organized group of people that whether it wishes to secure publicity or to avoid it, the exercise of discretion cannot be left to the reporter. It is safe to hire a press agent who stands between the group and the newspapers. Having hired him, the temptation to exploit his strategic position is very great."

"The nature of news", page 344

Oh, by the way, remember this scene?

It's just a silly, filler interaction that seemed not to reference anything, but just you wait.

"Men cannot long act in a way that they know is a contradiction of the environment as they conceive it. If they are bent on acting in a certain way they have to reconceive the environment, they have to censor out, to rationalize. But if in their presence, there is an insistent fact which is so obstrusive that they cannot explain it away, one of three courses is open. They can perversely ignore it, though they would cripple themselves in the process, will overact their part and come to grief. They can take it into account but refuse to act. They pay in internal discomfort and frustration. Or, and I believe this is to be the most frequent case, they adjust their whole behavior to the large environment."

"Intelligence work", page 383

Then again, these are but my interpretations and/or speculations which I'd like you to take with a grain of salt, as I could very well still be wrong (because Asagiri loves to trick us, apparently).

I could go on and on and on and on and on but I'm afraid I'd just be blabbering nonsense at some point. Thank you for reading my (hopefully coherent) ramblings.

[ohmymalice]

Lackluster Tendencies

jschlatt x f!reader | 674 words ! | part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

high school au, sfw, "You don't seem to be the person I thought you'd be."

ALSO A QUICK NOTE BECAUSE I THINK THIS MIGHT BE CONFUSING!! I refer to Schlatt as Jay for his real name and Schlatt is his online username. His friends online call him Schlatt and friends in school call him Jay.

(blue text is schlatt grey is y/n)

He worried a little, thinking that maybe he used his little internet persona humor way too early into this friendship they had. The ringing of his phone filled his ears, the white screen suddenly faded into black and showed her name.

Y/n is calling... Pick up?

He lets it ring for a few seconds and picks up, his hands sweating a little.

"So when did you become a jackass?" she asked, teasing him for the unexpected response. "Always been one, just hid it well." She scoffed at his reply.

There was an awkward silence on the line, and before he could think, his mouth starts running before he could even make an effort to stop

"I didn't expect you to be this way," he mumbled out, fiddling with the phone in his hand.

"In what way?"

"Like- like.. all the cussing and shit, I thought you were just some pretty girl with an innocent face who seemed to be friends with everyone."

She snorted in response, chuckling. "So you thought I was just some girl with a pretty face?"

"Yes- fuck, I mean- I just didn't expect that you could be nice to someone like me, I guess? I didn't think you were an asshole or anythin' I just-"

"Thought I was one of those biased popular bitches who were only nice to other popular people?"

"Yeah, maybe it was a harsh assumption."

"Harsh but fair, and honestly? If we're talking about first impressions, I thought you were some quiet kid at the back of the class who might've turned out a school shooter if nobody talked to them."

Schlatt's jaw hung open, not expecting a joke like that to come out of her mouth. He just started laughing.

"THAT, that is what I mean by I don't expect you to be that way."

"Well, you're one of the first to know, congrats. I don't have a lot of close friends, friends yeah but anyone I hang around consistently? Not at all." Schlatt hummed in reply, getting the gist of things.

"I don't have as many friends as you, but I do get the whole, uh- the whole thing about not having a lot of close friends. I thought you had tons of friends, just assumed I didn't get to see you a lot, so I didn't get to see who you hung around a lot with either."

On the other line, the girl shook her head, giggling. Oh,  how wrong he was.

"I'd try to be close to the people I know but sometimes it's just draining, especially with my whole drama club stuff... and to be honest-" She trailed off, taking in a breath as she held the phone in between her shoulder and cheek.

"Shit- I don't even know how to put it into to words." She mumbled, he stayed quiet on the line, scared if he tried to say anything it would just make her feel worse.

"I guess I feel like not a lot of people would get me or like me. Not the little persona I put up. Shit I'm rambling, my bad." She mumbled out the last part, feeling like she overshared a little.

"I don't mind hearing you ramble." The words slipped out of his lips, thinking how lame and stupid he probably sounded.

She smiled, for the first time in a while. "Really? Most people would usually try to change the subject every time I got too real."

"Seriously, how could you even think anyone would be bored or not like you."

If anything, it was too easy to like her.

She was gonna interject, tell him how wrong he was and that he'd end up like everyone else. He'll end up walking away from her life and get bored the moment he realizes that there was nothing more to her but the door to her bedroom swung open and her dad started yelling, grumbling about something she couldn't understand.

Before even thinking, she ended the call

leaving Schlatt thinking he did something wrong.

[bonny-kookoo]

noooo omg seven days yoongi is such a sweetheart 😭😭 what happened next? did they go out on a date? how is oc introduced to that side of yoongi? omfg daddyyyy 😭😭😭

Went a bit overboard OOPS-

"Hara knows we're meeting up here, by the way." Yoongi tells you as he opens the door to his hotel room, inviting you in. "I thought that might make you feel a bit more at ease." He tells you, helping you out of your jacket after closing the door, catching you a bit off guard- but you let him anyways.

"Uh, yeah, actually it does." You nod, thanking him for both the gesture and the fact that he'd informed your best friend that you're here.

"So, you're about Hara's age, right?" He says as he motions down to a spot for you to sit, food already on the small table where he sits down at as well, on the opposite side. "Means you're younger than me by a good few years." He chuckles, opening some of the takeout containers.

You nod, quietly. You're not sure what to really tell him.

He's probably used to people having the wildest life's, the craziest stories and whatnot- and you don't really have any of that. You live a quiet life, don't go outside much and if you do, you're just a grey mouse, nothing special to see, just another living being existing amongst many others. You're boring.

"Not much of a talker?" He asks, and you shrug.

"Just.. don't have anything to say." You admit almost shamefully, and he shrugs as well, offering you some plastic cutlery you take with a quiet 'thanks' from him. "I just.. kind of, exist. That's it." You try and joke, but he just smiles, nodding to himself.

"And that's a very good thing." He agrees, starting to eat. "Otherwise how would I've met you?" He flirts, and you can't help but have to take in a deep breath.

It's hard not to get affected by a guy flirting with you like this- let alone a celebrity of all people. And he's exactly your type too- he's got this awfully specific aura about him, calm and relaxed and most of all caring.

You've never been taken care of. By no one.

He wants to remind you that you can tell him if he makes you uncomfortable, but he doesn't actually have to- you're an open book with the way you don't mask your body language at all, making him read you pretty clearly just from observing you. "So, tell me a bit about yourself." He offers you a chance to talk, taking a sip from his soda. "Even the boring stuff you think I don't want to know." He smirks at you, catching you in your attempt to tell him exactly that-

That you don't have anything to tell but boring things.

"I uh.. I work, mostly. And when I don't, I walk dogs at my local shelter- because I can't have one in my apartment." You explain. "So I kind of.. substitute." You shrug, and he nods.

"I'm sure they appreciate it." He agrees, and you become a lot more relaxed at that- making him smile to himself as he leans back a bit, watching you.

"There's an elderly labrador mix that- she's been just given to the shelter for no real reason, and has been there for years now because she's old and has black fur and is a bit slow.." You rant, occasionally stopping to eat. "But she's really sweet, and knows a lot of cool tricks. She doesn't even technically need a leash! Though she's become a bit hard of hearing lately.." You ramble on.

"Does your landlord not allow dogs?" He wonders, and you nod.

"No. He doesn't like them- and because I missed one rent in the past, he's kind of constantly searching for a reason to kick me out." You mumble. "So I rather try and stay low, so I can keep living there." You explain.

"I guess sometimes life plays like that." He shrugs, licking his lips. "How about you'd move?" He wonders. You shake your head almost immediately.

"I.. can't afford it, and I'm also a little.. attached to that small apartment." You offer. "I don't like new things, or surprises, or.. just anything I can't predict." Is what you offer as an explanation, and he nods, interested.

"Creature of habit, hm?" He observes, and you nod. "Nothing wrong with that. We find comfort in things we can rely on. I like to re-watch the same movie sometimes, simply because I know it ends well." He says, and your eyes widen at that.

"Me too!" You tell him, and again, he can't help but admire your smile. "I love watching old movies or the same episodes of my favorite shows sometimes, even though I can basically recite the dialog by memory now." You giggle, and he nods.

"Have you ever been in a relationship before?" He wonders, and has to watch how your smile deflates a bit, clearly a touchy topic for you.

"Hmhm." You nod. "But.. I'm not good at relationships." You say.

"How so?" He wonders, and you shrug, poking at your food.

"I'm too clingy." You explain. "But at the same time, I'm too boring." You continue. "I don't like going to parties, or outside in general. I rather stay in, or just.. dunno. Cook together maybe."

"So I guess because you both didn't match, he made you feel like it's your fault to make himself feel better." He simply observes.

"No- I really am too boring, I need to get out of my comfort zone more.." You admit. "I only have Hara as a friend for example. I should have more friends, right?" You wonder, but he shakes his head.

"Not necessarily." he denies. "The less friends you have, the easier to manage. I don't have many friends either." He shrugs. "But.." He starts, hand at his chin as he watches you. "I might be able to help you with getting out of your comfort zone more." He offers.

"I.. how?" You wonder, and the corners of his lips raise.

"How about.. an offer."

[koboldfactory]

Responding to the call for kind words, mostly, but; Everything doesn't suck. That's the thing. A lot of things suck. A lot of big things suck. But the beauty of life isn't often found in the largest swathes. It's the little moments. The tiny things. Sharing a fascinating conversation with a stranger online. Hearing a friend retell that same adorable story for the sixteenth time. Going to your favorite restaurant. These are the moments that show the glory of life. The genuine connections between you and your friends. You and the world.

One of my favorite little moments is going online and seeing all of the astounding art the various critters inside make. Your's is one of my favorites. Your style is rich and complex yet subtle and deceptively simple. The kind of intricate simplicity that displays real talent. You do movement and expression with an amazing ease. Even beyond the sheer visual spectacle, the concepts and characters you depict show an astounding inner world that I love seeing slices of. One I wish I could match.

I remember the piece(s?) that really floored me for the first time. It was the horror game mock up, the one with the telephone? The sheer vibes it radiated was astounding. The details, like the outline of the other player and the crosshair in the second piece, were captivating.

I guess I mean to say, you bring a lot of joy into this word, and I am grateful to be able to give some back to you in your time of need. Remember, you deserve happiness and love, but it is okay to be sad. It is okay to cry.

Forgive me for getting weird, rambling, and philosophical, but I do hope these words help. A last note, when I'm overcome by emotion, I find it helps to get lost in the minutia of life. Simple things like, planning tomorrow's lunch, can be grounding and therapeutic. To that end, I ask you; What's your favorite meal?

i really do genuinely appreciate your words, it does help put things into perspective. Having my art leave any sort of positive impression on others is all I've ever wanted. So thank you!

And to answer your question:

[cowgurrrl]

Here for all the Rockstar!Joel content. Could I please get a fluff piece of them telling the girls about the pregnancy and everyone is excited but it’s clear that Ellie is a bit anxious and withdrawn. Actress and Ellie have a mom and daughter day out and Ellie confides that she is a bit nervous about the baby replacing her and her feeling like she is not their “real child” and actress tells her that is nonsense and goes into mama bear mode. Sorry that is a ramble.

I love this idea!

Small Bump

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author's note: I have so much Sammy fluff waiting in my drafts

Summary: this ask!

Warnings: pregnancy, talk of foster care system, Ellie being hesitant about the new baby

Before you tell the girls you're pregnant, you tell Joel how nervous you are about it. If you're ignoring the massive age gap between them and the baby, bringing a new life into the home is still a big deal, especially for Ellie. For more than half a decade, Ellie has been the baby of the family. She's never really had to worry about anyone else taking her attention or anything like that, which she loved after so many years in foster care. When you explain all this to Joel, he tells you not to worry. "It'll be an adjustment for all of us, but we'll face it together." He said, and you decided to let it go. He knows his kid, right?

Sarah is shocked but excited, hugging you and Joel tightly after you show her the sonogram pictures. Ellie smiles and tells you how great that is before hugging you both and disappearing up the stairs. Your heart breaks at how softly she shuts her door, like she doesn't want her feelings to be a burden. When you move to walk upstairs to talk to her, Sarah stops you. "Let me talk to her first. I don't know if she'll be ready to talk to you yet." And she's right, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. You nod silently and let Sarah go into big sister mode.

The next few days are brutal. Ellie actively avoids you and Joel, walks around the house with headphones on, and spends a lot of time in her room. Your hormones are off the charts, so you cry about it. A lot. Sarah and Joel take turns spending time with Ellie and talking with her about it, and they promise you it has nothing to do with you, but you feel like it does. You're the stranger who infiltrated her family and made her the middle child. If you were in her shoes, you'd be upset too.

A week after you told her of the little life growing under your heart, you're sitting on the back porch with a massive water bottle and a book you've been meaning to read. You thought it would be a good distraction, but you can barely focus on the words. After about twenty minutes of trying to read, you sigh, put the book down, and stare at the Los Angeles skyline.

"Is your book really that bad?" A voice asks from behind you, and you smile as you turn to look at Ellie. She's wearing one of Joel's shirts, the fabric hanging loose around her, and an Astros hat.

"I don't know if I'm as much of a reader as I used to be." You admit, and she smiles shyly.

"Can I sit with you?" She asks, and you nod. She walks over to the table and sits across from you, fidgeting with her rings the whole time. You don't push her to talk about the pregnancy or anything else for that matter. You're just happy that she can still stand to look at you. She takes a deep breath, rests her elbows on the table, and looks at you seriously. "I'm not mad at you for having a baby with my dad." She finally says, and you bite the inside of your cheek.

"It'd be okay if you were."

"I'm not. Really," she says. "I just… I guess I'm scared."

"About what, honey?" You ask, sitting up to show her you're listening. She sighs and spins the ring on her middle finger a few times as she thinks.

"When I was in one of my foster homes, I got comfortable. They told me they'd let me stay as long as I needed to and even talked about adopting me. I was so excited. I wasn't gonna have to move around anymore, and I finally had a good home," she takes a shaky breath. "And then my foster mom got pregnant, and it changed everything. I kept asking when they were going to adopt me, but they couldn't give me an answer. When the baby was born, it was like I was invisible. Like I didn't even matter. So, I ran away. I gave them a reason to give me away, and they did. First chance they got," you can hear the pain in her voice, and you put your hand over hers. She sniffles and wipes her eyes on her shirt sleeve as she looks at you. "I know this is different, and you won't do that, but that fear is still there, and I don't… I don't know how to make it go away."

You're not sure what to say, so you sit there in silence with Ellie as she tries to stop crying. You run your thumb over her knuckles as you think, even moving to the chair right next to her so you can wrap her in your arms. She cries into your chest, and you run your hand through her hair like someone should've done for her all those years ago. You can't change what happened, but you can do your best to make up for it.

"I’ve loved you like my own since long before your dad, and I got married. You know that, right?" You ask as you kiss her hairline, and she nods. "There has never been a point in time where I didn't think you were the most brilliant, caring, kind, beautiful girl or where I didn't thank my lucky stars that you came into my life," you move your hands to cup her face and look at her. "You, Ellie Miller, are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I love you and want you around. This baby isn't going to change that, okay? It might fuck up our sleep for a little bit, but I swear to you, this baby isn't going to change how much I love you." As you speak, more tears fall down her face, and you wipe them away gently. She looks so young like this. It breaks your heart to think someone could've looked at her like this and thought she didn't deserve the world.

"And you know what else? I'm scared of having this baby, too." You tell her, and her shoulders drop.

"You are?"

"Terrified," you say. "But I have you and Sarah and your dad. I have our family, and that's all I need. So, I know I'm gonna be okay even if I am scared. And you don't have to be completely onboard with the new baby if you're not ready yet. We've got lots of time, okay?" You ask, and she takes a moment to take in your words. She shifts a little in her seat and clears her throat.

"Um… you showed Sarah some pictures from the doctor. Do you… still have them?" She asks, and you nod. "Can I see them?" You smile at her question and stand to go inside. You grab the sonogram pictures from your bedside table and bring them back outside to show Ellie.

"So, it doesn't really look like a lot right now, but," you point to the baby's little arms. "Those are their arms and their hands. You can kinda see their little fingers if you squint. And that," you point to the baby's side profile. "Is their face." Ellie stares at the grainy photos until she figures out what she's looking at and then lights up. She runs her thumb over the baby's nose and lips and smiles as if tracing the features herself.

"Kinda looks like Dad." She says quietly, and you laugh.

"Yeah, I thought the same thing."

"Is it weird… being pregnant?"

"A little, but it's also really cool." She glances between your eyes and your still-growing belly.

"Can I?" She asks. You nod and carefully grab her hand to let it rest on your stomach. To call it a bump is generous, but there's definitely something there. Whether it's food bloat or the baby, you don't know. Still, Ellie rubs little patterns into your shirt and smiles.

"Hi, baby," she says. "My name is Ellie. I'm your big sister."

There are still many months before your baby will be born and effectively change all of your lives, but right now, under a perfect sunset, Ellie is content and at peace and knows how loved she is. And that's all you need.

[stephaniebrownslover]

Guys I have an idea.

What if I made Jeff The Killer like BoJack Horseman???

Guys don't leave please guysssssss it's so dark hereeeee

Okay now that I think about it, I'll ramble about this a bit.

Either I'm on to something or on something.

Also BH characters as creepypasta characters random BoJack Horseman dialogues as Jeff under the line and how other pastas would react.

And the only Jeff portrait I like is @jeffthekillerzblog 's Jeff because he's like a real life :3

THEIR FIRST TWO LETTER IS SAME THEY'RE THE SAME

...

GUYSSSSSSS TOBY AS TODD JUST IMAGINE

Lol just kidding but I think Toby and Todd would actually get along. Like they would just chill around and build random shit and talk about nonsense stuff. Their silly goofy traits are kinda similar so they would understand each other most of the time. Great minds think alike.

Okay okay let's talk about Jeff Horseman stuff before drifting away the topic.

First of, I think BoJack Horseman is not a character do defend. Yes, he tries to fix his mistakes but it was too late for him. He needed to change before all the shit happened. He needed to go to rehab or therapy before.

I'm not saying it's all his fault but just look at Diane. She had her own trauma and even though she was feeling bad most of the time, she wanted to get better. She worked for it in time instead of BoJack.

Yes, BoJack is a traumatized character but Todd was right about "You can't keep doing shitty thing and then feel bad about it!" because BoJack did this always.

Now back to Jeff. He has a similar trait with BoJack. I think Jeff has BPD most likely and he has serious anger issues. That's not a good mix as you can guess. It causes him to make mistakes and hurt people he actually gives a shit about and even though this makes him feel bad later, he won't do anything about it.

He wants to change, he wants to apologize from Jane and Nina and Liu. He wants to be a better person. He hates this life he build but he's been in this hell so long that he doesn't know a way out. He thinks it's too late for him and for treatment after all the people he killed and hurt.

Just like BoJack but in a different way.

BoJack hurts people close to him mentally and Jeff hurts people close to him both mentally and physically.

They both doesn't want to live their life and they would rather be like anyone else does.

They would hate each other if they met because they would see the other as a mirror. Or something like they could be in an another universe. And this would scare them as hell.

Jeff might be a surface character but I think that's because of his creator portrays him. I have like/hate relationship with him because of how badly he portrayed in almost every work.

He was not a pure evil monster, he was a 13 year old kid with untreated mental issues and body trauma. And no one was there to teach him this was not right since this motherfucker is very stubborn and he killed everyone who could.

Both of them doesn't want to die no matter how shitty their life can became. They want to live. They want to see the next day even though they would hate it. They think they deserve to live after all the things they had gone through.

They want to believe that they have a chance for redemption without caring about their past mistakes.

Also if Jeff would be an animal, he thinks he would be a wolf but he'd actually be a horse. That's like his spirit animal.

Take random BoJack dialogues as Jeff and other pastas' reactions to that.

...

Jeff: Rehab was supposed to be a fresh start. But no matter how many starts I get, there's always the same ending. Everything falls apart, and I end up alone.

Clockwork: Then get a new life man, this shit is not that hard.

Jeff: Shut up bitch! I'm having a moment here!

...

Jeff: Same thing that always happens. You didn't know me. Then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.

Nina: Eat shit and die asshole. You ruined my life.

Jeff: Fucking let me apologize whore!

Nina: Okay. I'm gonna kill this bastard. Don't hold me!

Kate: No one's holding you.

Nina: I said don't hold me!

...

Jeff: I'm the one who has suffered the most because of the actions of Jeffrey Woods.

Jane: What about Liu or Nina or even me?

Jeff: Nah, Liu's fine and he hates you.

Liu: No, I don't.

Jeff: He doesn't know what he's saying. And Nina loooves me.

Nina: No I don't!

Jeff: She's high on my awesomeness.

Jane: Shup the fuck up you dumbass.

...

Jeff: There's gonna be plenty of people around when I kill myself!

Masky: Not me.

Hoodie: Nah, I'll be there to celebrate.

Jeff: I hate all of you.

...

Jeff: Really makes you think, though, huh? Life, right? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die.

Toby: W-who the hell are you?

Jeff: Yeah, you're right.

Toby: I am?

Jeff: Nah.

Toby: Of cour-se I am.

Who wants part 2 for incorrect quotes??

[mixelation]

kushina/mikoto?

Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

i'm kind of into it, as long as i am able to dodge all the people into this ship because they have a mommy complex. like i think they'd be pretty together and i like the contrast between their personalities.

also here's some rambling on how i think it would work

okay so this relies on my personal characterization of mikoto, which is based on trying to reverse engineer an interesting personality from "raised itachi, who turned out Like That" and "apparently helped her husband start a coup" and "supposedly a jounin" but also "outwardly seems like a standard housewife character"

which ends up being: mikoto is a nadeshiko yamato-esque character, who is very calculatedly a demure housewife in order to hide how cunning and manipulative she is. she didn't marry fugaku out of love or duty; she decided she wanted social power, so she married the clan heir. this doesn't mean she has no affection for him by the time they have kids, but this IS why she approached him.

this is all to say: mikoto is attracted to powerful people. she would have gone for minato if he hadn't imprinted n kushina at age 10. she sometimes gets too friendly with the younger clan heads and then has to walk herself back. she sometimes has latent sexy fantasies about the really scary people in bingo books. she just likes the idea of being able to wrap her hands around someone else's power and then making them do whatever she wants, and them not even noticing what she's doing

so her friendship starts with her being like "oh, the future hokage's future wife, i should get in on this." and then they go on a few missions together and it slowly becomes very apparent that kushina is. like. crazy strong? like. what? the fuck???? kushina has an insane bloodline limit and unlimited chakra AND she's a fuinjutsu master. one time a mission went sideways and kushina fixed it by murdering an entire platoon. mikoto is low-key obsessed. and then because mikoto played the friendship card real hard, kushina comes to her complaining that she doesn't think her bedroom life is as exciting as it could be bc both she and minato have never been with anyone else and it's just to feel kind of stagnant but she doesn't know if that's normal and WHAT IS MIKOTO SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS

mikoto: i won't be home tonight. i'm going to go fuck the hokage's wife

fugaku: uh

fugaku: have fun?

except mikoto shows up and minato is. there. and kushina is confused about why WOULDN'T he be there for their sexy affair???

mikoto: well. i

mikoto: i guess???

[st0ryf1lms]

fallen ➳ hal jordan

pairing: hal jordan x reader

word count: 523

genre/warnings: fluff, i guess??? a bit of angst if you squint, open ending but i might make a part 2 if i dont get lazy

synopsis: what if hal jordan told you that he’s fallen? based on fallen by lola amour.

a/n: OH MY GOD GUYS IM BACK FROM THE DEAD!! it’s been so hard trying to write while keeping up with the honor roll at the same time so i went ia for over a year 😭 this one’s not really that good but oh well better than nothing ig i swear i’ll do all the reqs in my inbox this summer anw enjoy this short drabble of my fave test pilot!! <3

edit: part 2 is now up!

Hal Jordan was not a man of commitment. Never was, never is, never will be. He deemed himself "too busy" for a committed relationship. Well, you couldn't really blame him, he actually is too busy for a relationship. Aside from being a test pilot, he was also a Green Lantern (more or less, a space cop). Being a Green Lantern meant he'd have to be at the Guardians' beck and call, even if it means ditching a flight that could pose as a real problem for his life as Hal Jordan.

But honestly speaking? He'd rather be at your beck and call. That's right, yours.

You may not know it, but you have Hal wrapped around your little finger. Heartbroken because of a date that went south? No problem, he'll fly over to your place in less than a minute with ice cream and watch some romcom movie while you cry your heart out to him. Stuck in a conversation you don't like? No worries, he'll scoot over to you and pull you out of it real smooth. Did I mention he's also your best friend? Yeah, as cliché as it sounds, Hal freaking Jordan fell real hard for his best friend.

Harold "Hal" Jordan, the notorious serial heartbreaker would rather be at your beck and call. So, is he too busy for a committed relationship? Yes, he is. But a committed relationship with you? He's definitely considered it and his answer is no. No, he'll never be busy for you.

Numerous nights he's practiced in the mirror, went to go grab a drink that turns into six and gets a really bad hangover the next morning, imagined you with other guys and beat up the bad guys a little bit too hard. It's not really a healthy outlet but he has to make do with what he has.

"-Jordan. Earth to Hal Jordan. Paging Hal Jordan, you there?" You waved your hand in front of him as he quickly snapped out of his reverie. Damn, he must've zoned out again. "Yeah, yeah, right here. Sorry, you were saying?" He shook his head slightly and stared back at you, giving you the same heart eyes he always does. Not like you'd ever notice anyway.

"I was saying, a co-worker of mine asked me out and I'm not really sure if I should go but I kinda like the guy, know what I'm saying? I don't know, I just wanted to ask you for advice." You started rambling on again and he stared blankly into space, his surroundings blurring.

What? Someone finally beat me to it, he thought.

His mind was like an over speeding car, running at 100 miles per hour, gears turning and crashing down as he tried to process what you said.

"Hal, come on, I'm being serious." Your voice brought him back to reality again, the gravity of the situation actually sinking in. No, you can't go because I've been in love with you ever since the day we met and I can't let you get away because I'm a coward.

"What?"

Oh, no, he must've said that out loud.