#so anyway yeah…rip to my writing plans this summer lol

[kohakhearts]

lately ive been thinking a lot about goh’s parents. and all i have to say is . theyre kinda bad <3

[cakesunflower]

lovelorn (and nobody knows) [rafe cameron au fic] chapter 1

Summary: Isla Carrera had planned for the summer before college to be focused on three things: helping out at her family's restaurant (the helpful daughter), preparing for college (the good student), and having fun with the Pogues (the loyal friend). But one fateful night, where her car breaks down and her rescuer is none other than Rafe Cameron, seems to send her summer down a path she didn't see coming--one teeming with a secret, illicit romance with the last person she expected. And if her friends and sister found out, Isla isn't sure they'll be so understanding, no matter what her feelings are.

Author's Note: I forgot how much I absolutely loathe writing summaries LOL but anyways! First chapter is here, let me know if y'all vibe with it. I had fun writing it and if you wanna see more, let me know! (And now I have to figure out if I remember linking everything on my blog since I haven't posted my writing on Tumblr in forever. . .)

Chapter 1

“Oh, no. No, no, no. Don’t do this to me, please.”

Isla Carrera’s pleading is in vain as the engine of her car sputters out of life, and there’s just enough juice left for her to pull over onto the side of the dirt road so she’s not stranded in the middle. Her grip on the steering wheel remains tight as she sits in silence, staring out onto the dark road only lit up by the two beams of her headlights. The small silver lining, if there is one, is that she knows exactly where she is, just a little ways away from a row of houses on Figure Eight. But right now, she’s surrounded by trees on a road that has no street lamps, the sky a blanket of black above her. 

Her groan cuts through the silence, eyes squeezing shut as she rests her forehead against the steering wheel. She should have just slept over at John B’s house like her sister, Kie, decided to. But Isla’s covering another waitress at the restaurant early tomorrow, and she didn’t want to run late again or else her parents would rip her a new one. Kie’s shift wasn’t until later in the afternoon, so her sister was in no rush to get home. Now here Isla is, with a car that won’t turn over, still a fifteen minute drive away from her house.

“Fucking great,” she mutters, making sure her hazards are on and her phone is in her pocket before getting out of the car. 

Though she knows nothing about cars, Isla pops open the hood and uses the flashlight on her phone. If she’s being honest, it all looks like a bunch of mechanical junk she has no idea how to work her way around. She’s not sure why she even bothers, so instead of wasting time, she unlocks her phone to find the number for a towing service.

A rumble of a car engine catches her attention, the kind that makes an annoying popping sound, and by the time she looks up and around the open top of her hood, she sees two guys hopping out of an old Ford truck. She vaguely recognizes them. Just by the look of them, they seem to be a couple of years older than her—and clearly from The Cut. Not that it matters, since her best friends are from the other side of the island, but not all of the people from The Cut are fond of those from Figure Eight, and vice versa. Isla and her sister, though they belong on the more privileged side of the island, prefer the freedom of The Cut. 

None of that exactly matters right now, though.

Music cranks out of the car, but Isla can’t pay it any mind as unease creeps into her stomach when both sets of eyes land on her. 

She’s a girl alone in the middle of a road at night, so Isla is immediately on high alert as the guys make their way towards her, slow but confident in a way that makes her feel like a prey. I don’t like this. 

Alarm bells are ringing in her head as one of the guys in cargo shorts and a tank top shoots her a slimy grin. “Car trouble, sweetheart?”

Isla’s muscles tense. Yeah, nope. Not good. “Uh, no, all good,” she says, forcing some of that confidence into her voice that Kie is an expert at wielding. 

The other one with darker hair hidden under a baseball cap asks, “You sure we can’t help?” His grin is anything but charming. “We’d be more than happy to help.”

They don’t stop their approach, and Isla’s mind begins running through different scenarios, her pulse beginning to quicken in panic she’s trying to keep at bay. There’s no one around to help, and she can’t depend on another car passing by and stopping to help—if they even would. She doesn’t want to lock herself in her car while she calls her dad or friends for help; the idea of sitting trapped makes her heart squeeze with dread.

“You can stop right there.” She doesn’t want to give into the fear that’s slithering through her veins, but she can’t stop the words from escaping her mouth, the crunch of the dirt beneath their shoes too daunting to ignore. 

Her hand inches towards her back pocket where she had stashed her keys, fingers closing around the small can of pepper spray she’s got hooked in there. Isla has never had the unfortunate opportunity to use it before, but the vibes she’s getting right now—first time for everything. 

“What’s the matter?” the first guy asks with a taunting tilt of his head, neither of them stopping their pace. “We’re only here to help.”

Yeah, fucking right. “Stop.” Her heart is pounding in her ears, taking a few steps back.

Creepy guy number two exchanges a look with number one. “See that, Dyl? Little Miss Kook looks a little scared.”

Oh, screw this. Isla refuses to stick around and find out what’s going to happen, and she doesn’t at all feel guilty when she juts her hand forward and presses down on the top of the small can. Her aim is a little off, so she only manages to spray the first guy—Dyl. The sound of his shriek of pain cuts through the air, and he stumbles back and spits out curses as he presses the heels of his palms into his eyes.

The second guy freezes in surprise, looking between Isla and his friend, but she doesn’t stick around to see what he’s going to do next. Instead, Isla turns and makes a run for it, making sure to press the button on her FOB to lock her car as she bolts down the dirt road. She can hear the guys yelling over the sound of the breeze rushing past her ears, fear fueling more power to her legs as she nears a neighborhood street at the end of the dirt road. Isla isn’t sure if they’re following her, or if they’re even going to, but she doesn’t pause to find out. 

She runs and runs, her lungs beginning to burn, as she rounds a stone wall with greenery growing through the cracks that closes in a property—only for her vision to go black for a split second when she collides against something.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Scratch that—make that someone, because instead of falling back on her ass, a strong pair of arms wrap around her waist to keep her from tumbling down. The grip is tight and secure, and a delicious aroma of what seems to be earthy wood tickles her nose. “What the hell are you—Isla?”

The sound of her name being spoken in that all too familiar voice clears Isla’s head, and she pulls back enough to look up into the startling blue eyes of Rafe Cameron. Her pounding heart seems to slow down a fraction, and she’s not sure what to make of the mild relief that calms down her frazzled nerves because this is Rafe Cameron. Sure, he might not be as bad as those two freaks, and he’s one of her close friends’ brothers, but he’s still the same guy that has gotten into more than a few fights with her best friends. That being said, she shouldn’t find as much comfort as she does being in front of him. 

Her breathing is heavy, pulse throbbing uncontrollably. She only barely registers her hands gripping his forearms, like it’s grounding her as she takes in Rafe’s expression. His eyebrows are furrowed together as he looks down at her, his height towering over her five-foot five frame, and there’s more confusion than worry in his features, unsurprisingly. Her heavy breathy makes her privy to the scent of nicotine, glancing down to see a half used cigarette now laying forgotten on the ground. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Rafe repeats. Isla hears the familiar thread of annoyance in his voice, but she can’t bring herself to give a damn. 

She lets go of him like he’s electrocuted her, taking a step back and forcing him to let go of her, too. It takes everything in her not to acknowledge the way her skin burns where his had touched hers. “Going for a run, what does it look like?” she snaps back, though her voice trembles on her breath. 

Rafe’s expression deadpans, though he arches an eyebrow under the dirty blonde bangs that frame his forehead. “Looks like you’re scared,” he states. 

“I—” Isla gets cut off by the familiar sound of a car engine rumbling, the popping kind, and the breath locks in her throat as she glances over her shoulder. “Fuck,” she breathlessly mutters, catching sight of the headlights creeping up from around the corner on the road. She’s not sure if those guys are looking for her—though, she wouldn’t be surprised given that she pepper sprayed one of them, and her pulse quickens again in panic with the need to hide away.

“Wait—are you running from someone?” Rafe questions, and Isla looks back at him to see his gaze pointed over her head, right where the noise of the car is coming from. A car that sounds to be approaching too close.

“You’re asking too many questions,” Isla returns hastily, stepping to go around him. “I need to go—”

Rafe lets out an exasperated huff, and if she had all her wits about her, she’d snap at him. But instead, surprise slams through her when Rafe’s hand wraps around her bicep, his grip firm but not tight as he mutters, “Come here.”

Before Isla knows it, she’s being dragged through the gate of the Cameron estate, disappearing onto the property right when the car turns the corner. Her heart launches to her throat when Rafe suddenly turns her, and she’s being pressed against the stone wall, soft leaves pressing to her back in contrast to the hard surface.

Isla’s eyes widen when Rafe’s body presses against her, the air rushing out of her lungs as her gaze snaps up to meet his. “What are you doing?” she asks, her words a mere breath.

He seems surprised by his own actions, lips pursed and that muscle in his clean shaven jaw pulsing almost as quickly as her own heart. Can he hear the thundering, feel it? “Just—stay quiet,” Rafe grits.

Part of Isla wants to push him off—the part that sounds a lot like her friends. But fear wins out, keeping her in place, as she hears the car creep along in front of the gate of the Cameron property. 

Rafe’s eyes silently tell her to remain quiet and something tightens her stomach—something other than fear—and it startles her enough to flick her gaze to the left, towards the vine wrapped gate. She can see the headlights slowly passing by, and she prays that these guys aren’t stupid enough to trespass private property.

Then again, they were ready to do God-knows-what to her, so who the hell knows?

The thought alone sends her heartbeat accelerating all over again, panic settling in her bones hard enough to rattle them. Isla’s hands fist at her sides, eyes squeezing shut as she leans her head back against the wall. How the hell had her night taken such a freaky turn? And how is it that Rafe Cameron, of all people, is the one to help her out?

Suddenly, the mid-May night doesn’t feel as warm as Rafe’s body; he isn’t close enough where his body is completely pressing into hers, but she can feel the soft material of his shirt fluttering against the bare skin of her stomach, thanks to her crop top. Isla can feel the heat of his skin seeping into hers, which makes her heart thunder with something other than panic, and she’s not entirely sure what the hell to do with that.

“Relax—they’re gone.”

His voice is low and gruff, a tone that makes goosebumps pebble her skin even in this warm weather. Isla opens her eyes with a sharp exhale and her brown eyes immediately find Rafe’s blue, her throat tightening under his scrutinizing gaze. True, she can’t hear the engine anymore, the headlights are also gone, and Isla tries to even out her breathing while nodding slowly. 

Rafe’s eyes rake over her and shouldn’t she feel unsettled about that? About how close he’s standing to her? But it seems like all of her unease has been used up from evading those weirdos, so Rafe Cameron being her rescuer doesn’t annoy her as much as it normally would. 

“So what was that about?” he questions, raising an eyebrow.

Isla’s throat works, dragging her gaze back up at him. The lamps spaced out along the wall light his face, casting shadows along his sharp cheekbones. He’s so handsome—the thought crosses through her mind quickly, and though she would never admit it to her friends, she can’t help but find the truth in it—as insane as it might be.

“Nothing to concern yourself with,” Isla finds herself saying, lifting her chin in a small act of defiance.

The corner of Rafe’s mouth twitches into a ghost of a smirk, and through the light reflecting in his eyes, she can see them dancing in amusement. “Given that I just saved your ass, an explanation would be nice.”

Isla scowls, all thoughts of his stupidly good looks vanishing. “I didn’t ask you to do that. I had it under control.”

It’s a lie spoken through her teeth, and Rafe can see that. “Yeah, looked real under control when you were running for your life,” he replies dryly, eyebrows rising. But then his expression flattens out, eyebrows furrowing together once again as he says, “Seriously, Isla. What gives? What the hell was that about?”

“Just—some fucking weirdos, I don’t know,” she huffs, frustration from this entire ordeal bubbling to the surface as she rubs her hands up her face and runs her fingers through her hair. “I—Can you back up?” she asks hastily, forcing a glare. Rafe, surprisingly, simply presses his lips together and raises his hands in defense while taking a couple of steps away from her. Isla is no longer embraced by his warmth, by his scent, and there’s an unexpected tug in her chest that she ignores. “My car broke down on that dirt path behind the road. I was trying to figure it out when these guys pulled up and, I don’t know, shit got weird so I made a break for it.”

Rafe frowns as he listens to her, and Isla shakes her head, rubbing the back of her neck. “I need to get back to my car,” she says.

“Seriously?” Rafe asks, scoffing. “You’re gonna go back when some freaks are looking for you?”

Isla glares at him, not at all appreciating him talking to her like she’s stupid. “My wallet’s still in my car. I need to grab it if they haven’t fucking broken into my car already.”

She moves past him to head to the gate, surprised to hear his footsteps as he easily catches up to her. “What, you’re gonna walk back?” When Isla glances at Rafe, he’s looking at her like she’s insane. No sign of the contempt he normally saves for her and her friends, which is slightly unnerving. “After you were just running from some freaks? You do realize how much of a bad idea that is, right?”

She shrugs even as the unease from before returns at the idea of running into those guys again. “I need to get my wallet,” is her meek response.

Rafe lets out a breath, running his fingers through his hair and Isla briefly frowns at herself at the way her gaze seems to run to the flex of his bicep. And the way her stomach fucking flutters because this is Rafe Cameron. The only fluttering her stomach should be doing where he’s concerned is one tinged with nausea.

Rafe then fixes her with a stern look. “Come on,” he says firmly before walking down the driveway of his house.

Isla blinks out of whatever stupor she was in and glares at his back—and at the demand he left her with. She scoffs, hands splaying in annoyance until she realizes he’s headed straight for his motorcycle. Her shoulders drop, rooted on the spot as she says flatly, “You’re joking.”

Rafe is already pulling out a helmet—scratch that, two helmets—and looking at her, once again, like she’s an idiot while she glares at him. At least there’s that bit of normalcy. “This—” He holds up both helmets in each hand. “Is better than you walking back to your car by yourself. Let’s go.”

Isla’s disbelief only intensifies. She doesn’t walk over to him, doesn’t take the proffered helmet. Instead, she exhales sharply and crosses her arms over her chest, asking, “Why are you helping me?”

Rafe has the gall to look annoyed by her question, arms resting at his sides. His gaze locks with Isla’s, but she doesn’t shy away from it as he eventually drops his head back with a groan before looking back at her once more. “Listen, contrary to your and your friends’ popular belief, I’m not a complete dick.” Isla can’t help but scoff and roll her eyes, cutting her gaze away from him in doubt. He cannot be serious. “I wouldn’t want either of my sisters to be fucking chased by some losers, so just think of this as my good deed of the month, alright? Now will you please take the damn helmet and get on the bike?”

Frankly, Isla feels like she’s just stepped into an alternate reality because, seriously, when was the last time Rafe Cameron ever did anything nice for her—if ever?

But as much as Isla’s pride is begging for her to tell him thanks but no thanks and turn and walk back to her car, fear still resides in the pit of her belly, waiting to strike. She hates to admit it, but Rafe is right. It’d be dumb of her to walk back alone at night after what just happened. Maybe she could call her sister or one of her friends, but that would just add unnecessary time to all this, and Isla just really wants to get home. So, fine; maybe she can accept Rafe’s offer to drive her to her car, and then from there maybe she can call an Uber home and call a tow truck from the safety of her bedroom.

Rafe holds out one of the black helmets in impatience, and Isla purses her lips as she pushes herself to walk over. She does her best not to admire the sight of him next to his bike, something she never would have done before tonight. Maybe this whole freaky situation has loosened some screws in her brain.

Isla all but snatches the helmet out of his hand, though a part of her feels as though it’s just for appearances’ sake to keep up her usual attitude around Rafe, and tucks her dark hair behind her ears before pulling the helmet on, the visor still up. She tries her best not to think of the weight of his gaze on her as she fiddles with the straps on her chin to secure the helmet, but she’s unable to get it right, fingers trembling despite herself.

“I got it,” Rafe says, and Isla freezes when he gently bats her hands away and steps up to her, using his finger to push at the bottom of the helmet so she can tilt her head back enough for him to see the straps. The heat of his body greets her once more and she’s silent as she feels him secure the straps, breath hitching quietly when the backs of his fingers brush against her skin. 

He’s done within seconds, but it sure as shit feels longer as she remains standing there, watching him pull on his own helmet. Isla watches silently as Rafe gets on the bike, wondering how she got here, and he says, “Hop on.”

Isla has ridden on the back of JJ’s bike plenty of times, so she gets on with no trouble, though she does have to grip Rafe’s shoulders in order to do so. They’re broad and firm under her hands, and she mentally chastises herself for even thinking about his stupid shoulders. When she’s settled behind him, her legs framing his, Isla’s heartbeat picks up at the sudden proximity, her front against his back. 

She’s sure she’s barely breathing when her skin warms because there’s barely any space that exists between them, and when Rafe tells her, “Hold on or risk flying off,” she can’t decide if she wants to smack him upside the head or beg for the ground to swallow her whole.

Sliding the visor down, Isla inhales deeply and quietly before winding her arms around Rafe’s waist, teeth gritting together because if her friends saw her now, they definitely would believe she’s lost her mind. The fact of the matter is, right now all she can seem to focus on is the solidness of his stomach against her arms and how fucking good he smells, which is confusing and overwhelming and everything in between.

The motorcycle’s engine roars to life, and seconds later Rafe is kicking off the kick-stand and they’re riding down the driveway and onto the road. She had told him her car stopped on the dirt path behind the actual road, separated by trees, and that’s all Rafe seemingly needs to know as he takes them in the right direction. The breeze as they go feels good against her, cooling her heated skin down and she would never admit it, but riding on the back of Rafe Cameron’s bike has a somewhat calming effect on her.

The tension that had tightened her muscles since her encounter with those other guys melts away, and the rapid thumping of her heart has nothing to do with anxiety and everything to do with the thrill of this moment. Maybe it’s ill advised, but it seems to be exactly what she needs as the night air mixes with Rafe’s cologne—or maybe he just smells like that in general?

God, she’s getting too weird about this.

Soon enough, her car comes into view and Isla is relieved when there seems to be no sign of those guys. Rafe stops the bike right next to her car, and another sigh of relief escapes her when she sees that her car doesn’t look damaged. Swinging her leg over, she uses Rafe’s shoulders as leverage to get off the bike, trying not to think too much about the loss of his body heat as she reaches for the helmet straps. 

They’re easier to undo than they were to strap, and she lifts the helmet off, one hand already flattening her dark hair as Rafe holds his hand out for the helmet. As she unlocks the car, Rafe asks, “How’d you manage to outrun them?”

Isla leans into the driver’s seat, reaching for her tote bag in the passenger seat. She digs through it for a moment, taking stock of her wallet, lip gloss, lip balm, and the few other things still safely inside. “I pepper-sprayed one of them,” she answers as she pulls out and straightens. 

When she turns to look at Rafe, whose helmet’s visor is up, she sees the smirk that curls at his mouth. How does a sight that made her want to knee him in the stomach before make her feel kind of weak kneed right now? Did those guys really freak her out so much that now down is up and left is right? “Nice,” he murmurs, nodding in approval. Jutting his chin towards her car, he asks, “You gonna call a truck?”

Isla shakes her head. “When I get home,” she says, pulling out her phone. 

Rafe nods as he holds the helmet out once more. “Alright, let’s go.”

Isla pauses, gaze flicking up from her phone screen where the Uber app is open to look at him. Arching an eyebrow, she asks, “Uh, go where?”

He mirrors the arched eyebrow look. “I’ll take you home,” he says as if it’s obvious when it very much isn’t.

“No thanks. I can Uber,” she answers, already putting her home address in.

Rafe scoffs, shaking his head as he remains sitting on his bike. “You’re just full of bad ideas tonight, aren’t you?” he says. Isla’s eyes narrow, irritation sparking through her as he splays his arms out to gesture to the road they’re on. “You’re really gonna wait out here on a dirt road, with no street lamps, in the dark for an Uber when I’m offering you a ride home right now?” Before she can respond, he carries on, “On the same stretch of road, mind you, that you just got harassed on?”

The irritation intensifies, and Isla’s expression twists into a glare as she snaps, “What’s it to you, huh? You already did your good deed of the month. We’re not friends, Rafe. I don’t need your help.”

Even with the helmet on, she can tell he’s clenching his jaw, eyes hard as he sets them on her. The look makes her chest burn in a way that’s not all unwelcome, and that alone should be a sign that she’s losing it. “We may not be friends, but you’re my sister’s friend, alright? Sarah would kill me if she found out I left you out here by yourself. So stop being so fucking stubborn and get on the damn bike, Isla. I’m taking you home.”

She presses her tongue to her cheek, shoulders bunched in frustration while Rafe glares at her, his own impatience radiating off of him in waves. Sarah has told Isla how stubborn her brother can be, and while Isla doesn’t know Rafe well, she knows him and has dealt with him enough to know he isn’t budging on this. So, with a huff, she snatches the helmet once more, ignoring the protests in her head that sound suspiciously a lot like her friends as she pulls the helmet on. 

She manages to get the straps this time and gets back on the bike, her bag securely hanging off her shoulder as Rafe starts the bike again and Isla swallows silently as she wraps her arms around his waist once more. Every part of her is warm where it touches him, and as he drives, she tilts her head back, practically begging for anyone listening to get her to calm the hell down.

Seriously—how the hell did Rafe Cameron become her would-be hero of tonight?

Luckily, her house is a ten minute drive from the Cameron house and Isla allows him to pull up to the front of the house, since Kie isn’t home and has no chance of peeking out her bedroom window and seeing Isla getting off Rafe’s bike. He parks the bike and Isla lets go of him almost immediately, hopping off the bike and undoing the straps of the helmet under her chin.

Rafe is already looking at her by the time she gets the helmet off, his blue eyes visible since the visor is lifted. With a close mouthed, saccharine smile, Isla all but shoves the helmet into his hands. “Thanks for the ride. Let’s never do this again.”

He scoffs as he shakes his head, but the smirk on his face is apparent. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

Isla rolls her eyes and, without another word, turns towards her house. She’s on the front porch and fishing keys out when she glances to the right and sees Rafe still parked there, seemingly watching her. Her stomach does a stupid, weird flip as she unlocks the door and shoos him. “Go away,” she hisses, even though Kiara isn’t home and her parents wouldn’t care that Rafe dropped her off—hell, her mom would be thrilled, honestly.

Even from this distance, she can just picture Rafe’s arrogant smirk as he lifts a hand in a two fingered salute before revving the engine of his bike, and Isla clenches her jaw as he speeds off, the roar echoing down the block. Exhaling sharply, Isla shakes her head and walks into her house, shutting the door behind her just as she hears footsteps approaching her.

“Where have you been?” her mom asks, not demanding but more concerned.

Isla smiles sheepishly as she faces her mother. “Yeah, about that. . .”

[friendshipgun]

😈

💖-specifically, when did you start writing, what kind of things did you write, what inspired you, how has your writing journey looked?

and uh i fuckin forget the emoji but character headcanon(s) for mia winters and/or jesse evilwest (and his twin??)

hope these are fun to answer!

Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

i think maybe you asked this one the last time i reblogged this ask meme but there has also been Fic Progression so i also understand lol. but no, not really. a lot of the time i don't even clock something that might read like that until i get comments about it. i am however mean to Karl and Ethan on purpose and so there is probably splash damage from that lol.

(and i'm gonna have to readmore the rest bc it gets long, apologies) What made you start writing?

i don't know when exactly i started, just that i remember putting little books of "stories" together in elementary school. i wrote what i think technically counts as LOTR fanfic and MLP oc fic lmao. but what i mostly wrote was original fiction. a cousin i was close to as a kid was also big into writing and we ended up attending a summer camp for the arts together in middle school, so i was writing mostly poetry there, but prose too. i also started writing fic with another friend in middle/high school (stuff like pokemon crack fic lmao), but i was still mostly writing original fiction. in high school in particular i got BIG into writing poetry (idk if anyone else knows about allpoetry.com but i sure was spending a heck of a lot of time there), was editor of the high school literary magazine, etc etc. basically i was never not writing. i was also posting way more fic in high school, writing primarily angst at that point and largely for Final Fantasy.

then i went to college and stopped writing for a few years barring academic papers. started taking writing seminars the last few semesters i was there which got me writing again. again mostly original fiction. a lot of supernatural stuff, not really poetry anymore though, which is kind of a shame bc of how much i had liked it. started writing fic again too, a lot of Naruto stuff that i never posted anywhere. then my dad of all people got me into Supernatural and i wrote a bunch of fic for that that i also never posted anywhere. then i went to grad school and the "not writing anything except academic papers" thing started up again rip. really didn't pick it up again as a regular practice until after my dad died a few years back. wrote a bunch of stuff about grief that was uhhhhhhhhh pretty clearly me trying to process shit.

and then it was covid and i lost my job and i was watching playthroughs of re7 and re8 almost concurrently going "but what if you put Heisenberg in the swamp WHAT THEN." as for what inspires me, i guess just about everything? like the number of stories i wrote set in Japan after i'd studied abroad there...is a lot. and with fic it's just like "i just think it would be neat if character i like was in a Situation." when i was writing poetry a lot of it was teenage angst bc i was in high school but i'd also write about cities or people or fantasy epics. anyway this is already really long but yeah basically if i think about it for long enough that it becomes "I Just Think They're Neat" territory i'll want to write something about it.

Mia Winters Headcanon:

she doesn't trust easily and has for a long time kept things about herself secret, or lied outright, as a way to protect herself. she'd been doing this long before she met Ethan and then after...it was habit. and it was easy to keep things about her work secret because it did feel like she was protecting him. and it wasn't like it was going to be forever, she was planning on getting out. she was working on it. she hadn't even thought of something like that--a normal life--until she'd met Ethan, and then it had seemed like...like something attainable. there wouldn't be the need for secrets then, when it was just the two of them. (or so she told herself: it's like pulling off her skin, being that exposed, having nothing between herself and someone else. being seen. completely seen.) anyway this got away from me a bit lmao. but basically i like to try to reconcile her going back to lying post-re7 as a defensive move to protect herself, especially when the BSAA knows everything about her past. i don't think she was intentionally trying to hurt Ethan or anything, just that after Dulvey she'd feel ever more the need to have those secrets as a buffer, combined with a deep, deep fear that Ethan would hate her if he knew. (this is how i am personally smoothing down Mr. Capcom's writing decisions.) Jesse Evil West Headcanon: he has had a crush on Edgar since he was a kid and is outright tormented by it. i imagine him taking issue with how his dad treated Edgar. or feeling jealous of Edgar's loyalty to his dad. just let's give Jesse more issues regarding his dad lmao. the little joke he makes in the game about Edgar kissing him is a ""joke"" but like he is internally yelling UNLESS?????? as vehemently as he can.

thinking also about post-game events, how Bloom was joking around with Edgar and Jesse can absolutely get jealous about that too, like just he's a mess and i don't know if it's better (worse) if he has actually confessed to Edgar and was shot down or has just never confessed to Edgar for fear of getting shot down.

and if you want to bring in Jesse's twin (who is also named Jessie i guess we can just give him an extra vowel) i think it's very funny if both of them alternately fight over and tag team Edgar. co-op, as it were.

[withcolebrock]

Lover of Mine~ Chapter 11

Lover of Mine~5 seconds of summer

Masterlist

Warnings: angst, swearing, I think that’s it

Word Count: 2,171

Author’s Note: ha ha ha long time no see ay? anyways... School is ending so now I finally have time to write and motivation to do it. No promises on consistent uploads but slowly starting to write again yay lol. Anyways. I want to strictly write for this series to get it finished lol

She sat down onto the barstool, laying out a napkin and placing the tray of Oreos in front of her. She sighed as she slowly ripped open the package. She took a few out of the tray and set them down on top of the napkin. She slowly began eating them. It was late, around noon. Yet the house was almost spotless, which was shocking due to the amount of people at the party.

Her appearance probably wasn’t the best. She never wiped off her makeup from last night, or what was left of it. Her hair was tied up away from her face and her merch hoodie and small shorts were covering her body. She didn’t care, all she wanted was to just simply eat her Oreos and return to her room.

But her plan was ruined when Jake walked past her. He glanced towards her, simply just to say hi. But he had to do a double take, seeing her appearance. “You look like shit,” he said walking towards the fridge. She didn’t respond; instead she reached for another set of Oreos from the package. Jake took a long sip of his orange juice as he started walking towards Y/N. “What happened to you?” he asked, leaning his body over the countertop.

“Mike and I broke up,” she mumbled with a mouth full of Oreos. Jake's eyes widened as he leaned his body back.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” he responded, Y/N shrugged. “Do you want to talk about it?” he continued. She shook her head as she reached for a sip of Jake’s orange juice. He handed her the glass without hesitation. Ever since moving into the house, she had gotten close with Jake. He was definitely like her little brother. He was easily her favorite roommate. “Well if you decide you want to, I’m here,” he smiled a tight lip smile as he leaned his body against the counter again.

“Thanks Jake,” she met his eye briefly, he nodded his head as he took another sip of his drink. Not long after a giggling girl's voice was heard in the other room. It slowly got closer. Jake furrowed his eyebrows as he straightened his body. He shifted his gaze between Colby and the red haired girl standing beside him. He clenched his jaw while looking down towards Y/N. He was trying to warn Colby, that this wasn’t a great time.

“We were just grabbing some water,” Colby muttered while he left Olivia standing beside Y/N. He quickly walked towards the fridge. Olivia stared down towards Y/N with disgust written all over her features. Olivia didn’t understand how someone could look like that. Y/N looked towards Jake, she let out a long sigh before shifting her gaze towards Olivia.

“I’m sorry about last night, I need to learn to knock,” her apology fell flat with Olivia. She simply just nodded, keeping to herself. Colby shook his head as he handed a bottle to Olivia and he opened his own.

“No, it was my fault, I forgot to lock the door,” he forced a smile as he looked into Y/N’s eyes. He noticed her rough looking appearance and all he wanted to do was pull her into a hug. But he didn’t know if he should with Olivia standing beside him. Y/N simply forced a smile as she shifted her gaze back to her cookies. “Are you okay?” Colby asked, leaning his body back.

Jake’s eyes widened as he looked towards Colby, shaking his head slightly. She lifted her head slightly, meeting Jake’s gaze. He relaxed his features, pretending he wasn’t doing anything. After a few moments of silence, Jake and Y/N communicated with just their eyes. He nodded his head slightly, while he looked towards Colby. “Her and Mike broke up last night.” Colby widened his eyes, looking down towards her. He was happy to see that she was finally out of that relationship. “Oh, I’m sorry, If I had known-”

“It’s fine,” she interrupted as she stood up from the stool, she avoided his gaze as she took a few steps away from the small group, “I’m going to shower,” she whispered quickly heading towards the staircase. Once she was out of their sight, she felt tears begin to form in her eyes. She was completely overwhelmed, everything in her just wanted to collapse.

She entered her bathroom and shut the door quickly. She leaned against the countertop letting out a small sob. She hit her hand against the counter a few times before she looked back up towards her reflection. Her phone began to buzz beside her, she looked down to see Mike’s name. A heart still after his name. She sighed, as she quickly wiped under her eyes.

She answered the call, “Hi,” she pressed her quivering lips together. He didn’t say anything at first on his end of the phone. He heard the shakiness in her voice, he sighed.

“Hey,” he mumbled, “I just wanted to call because I have your stuff here, and I wanted to give it back to you,” he spoke quickly, he didn’t want to hear the sadness in her voice. She didn’t respond. “Do you want to come over later to pick it up and you can give me my stuff?” She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, I can do that, I’ll see you later,” she said, ending the call almost instantly. She placed her phone down onto the counter harshly. Another sob left her lips as she started getting ready for her shower.

~~~

“I’ll call you,” he muttered as he shut the door. He sighed, quickly walking back towards the kitchen towards Jake. He walked in on Jake pouring himself another glass of orange juice. “Did Y/N say anything? Like why?” he questioned quickly. Jake shook his head as he took a sip.

“All she said was they broke up and she didn’t want to talk about it,” he shrugged. Colby clenched his jaw as he dropped his head slightly. He ran his hand across the back of his neck. Colby sighed as he walked away from Jake and the kitchen. Jake stared at Colby as he walked away from him. “Okay, bye then,” he muttered as he pulled his phone out of his hoodie pocket.

Colby jogged towards the stairs and began to run up them quickly. He walked towards Sam’s room. He needed to vent to someone who had known the events of the last night. He walked towards the door and raised his hand to the door and knocked repeatedly. “Alright, alright, come in,” Sam groaned from inside the door.

Colby walked into the room, glancing towards Katrina sitting on the bed. He looked back towards Sam who was standing in the middle of the room. “Dude, what?” he was annoyed, while apologetically looking towards Katrina.

“I need to talk to you about last night,” Colby ran his fingers through his hair as he looked desperately towards Sam. Sam's eyes slowly widened as he glanced towards Katrina before he followed Colby out of the room. Sam shut the door behind him before they walked towards Colby’s room just across from them. Colby shut the door behind them as he locked it.

“Did you tell her?” Sam asked excitedly. He had been waiting for this moment ever since high school. Colby shook his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Then what happened?” Sam sighed, not afraid to hide his disappointment.

“They were fighting and he said something that ticked me off, so I left. I never got to tell her and then I found out this morning that they broke up,”

“Well that’s perfect then? You can tell her!” he jumped slightly as he got more excited with the idea.

“I can’t,” he whispered while rubbing his hands together, “She-it’s not that-I” he took in a long breath, “I heard her say she wasn’t in love with me,” as the words left his lips he felt his heart ache. Sam’s mouth dropped slightly, he didn’t believe it. Colby and Y/N may be oblivious but he wasn’t, he can see right through that.

“Her and Mike broke up for a reason, I think you should still tell her,” Sam explained.

“It’s not that simple, dude,” Colby interrupted.

“Why not, I know she feels the same, she just doesn-”

“She walked in on me with Olivia last night,” Colby blurted out. Sam stared at him dumbfounded. He shook his head as he licked his lips.

“That is probably the dumbest thing you've ever done, you know that?” Sam sighed while he rubbed his eyes with his hands. He let out a long sigh as he pulled his hands from his face, “You can’t just sleep around when you are in love with someone else, Colby,”

“I know,”

“Then why did you?”

“I was drunk and mad,” Colby responded. He clenched his jaw repeatedly while he kept his gaze to the floor. “I should’ve gone to her after she saw us. I just-”

“Wanted to get laid? Yeah, I know,” Sam let out a puff of air as he turned around and walked back into his bedroom. Colby glanced towards the bed Katrina was laying on before the door was shut in front of him.

~~~

It had been a few hours since she called Mike, she spent those hours making herself look presentable and collecting all of Mike’s things. There were endless thoughts running through her head. She recounted every word that Mike said last night and every response she had. The more the argument went through her head the more she realized Mike was right.

Y/N began to recount every last moment with Colby since moving here. Their Friday movie nights, the words they shared, the hugs that probably lasted too long but what she always cherished. “Well, who’s your favorite guy?” he questioned, his voice was hopeful as his eyes flickered around her features. She half smiled.

“You,” she spoke softly, “Is that even a question?” she laughed as she lightly hit his arm. He beamed as he let out a sudden laugh. “You’ve been there, you’ve been there for everything. Am I suddenly supposed to forget all that because I’ve been dating some guy for like eight months?” she explained, Colby’s mouth fell open as he tilted his head to the side. “Damn, I’m a horrible girlfriend,” she covered her face with her hands again, a groan leaving her lips.

“You are not a horrible girlfriend, Tink. He’s just worried he might lose you,” she slowly moved her hands away from her face as she kept her gaze towards the ceiling. Colby’s eyes looked over her. He’d admired the way her eyelashes curled upward and the color of her eyes, the way her cheeks were slightly flushed. “You wanna watch a movie, get your mind off of things,” he whispered. She nodded slightly as she slowly tilted her head towards Colby.

Her mind went blank as she looked into his eyes. They were soft, familiar, for a second she felt as if in that moment time stopped. Her heart started to beat out of her chest, as her gaze shifted towards his lips. She felt herself leaning towards him subtly. Colby doing the same. Yet the move was so small that neither of them noticed each other leaning in.

She shook her head slightly at the memory. Her cheeks flushed at the thought, he wasn’t just her best friend. She covered her face with her hands as she felt herself become embarrassed and guilty. She lifted her head as the door beside her was pushed open, “Hey, wanted to see how you were doing,” he smiled. She looked up towards him, suddenly seeing him in a new light. Her heart began to beat quickly as she looked over his features.

“I’m alright,” she mumbled, shifting her gaze back towards her mirror. She ran her fingers through her recently dried hair. Picking up her mascara, she opened it avoiding Colby’s gaze.

“What are you doing?” he asked again, walking into the room fully. She ignored him while she applied the makeup to her eyelashes.

“Going to Mike’s to grab my stuff,” she said, closing the mascara bottle. Colby nodded, looking at the small collection of items that looked like they belonged to Mike. Colby sighed as he sat down next to the items. He ran his fingers through his hair looking towards her through the mirror.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he said leaning backwards on his hands.

“No, it’s fine, I want to go alone,” she whispered. She mostly thought it would be a better situation if Colby wasn’t there. He sighed while he kept her gaze through the mirror. “Thank you though,” He nodded slightly while he admired her features. He wanted to say it, more than anything, but he knew he couldn’t.

‘Cause I’ve already made that mistake

[thatllmakeyapussythrob]

friends to lovers

oc x oc | innocent! boy x dom! girl. warnings: none, just talking about sexting and hinting at smut fantasies. also, i’m a new writer, just wanted to write about a version on what’s happening in my life right now, just for fun! thank you!

——————————————————————————

i’ve been friends with emmet for well over a year, and every day gets harder and harder not to fall in love with him; well, not to fall in love with him more.

seeing him in the halls and passing his lunch table just make me feel sick. i get excited when i see him texting me and i just cant stop picturing us. Sure, i dated someone over the summer but it’s no surprise he stuck in the back of my mind. how could it be? i was listening to our playlist to fall asleep to every night. i know it was wrong of me but i just couldn’t stop these feelings. and after he broke my heart, i started making little jokes with him. a small flirty joke here and there. i never expected anything from it, just a little harmless flirting with a more than innocent boy.

however, he didn’t even mind. he said so himself, he even liked it. i was shocked, the most emmet and i had talked about this was a joke about giving him post soccer game win head. that ended quickly with me needing to get my frustrations out with him sticking in my mind. the fantasies I had about that fuelled my night and many others.

this was different, this wasn’t just a laugh it off. this was going to become something, i could tell. he said he was struggling, i knew why but i feigned innocence and ask him why. i called him hun and asked if he was hurt. he just told me his horniness was consuming him that night. i didn’t know how to respond. i just told him to pleasure himself, like a normal person would. he said it didn’t work anymore. i hinted at him to spice it up and he said he tried and it never works. i know what he’s doing, he’s egging me on. he knows how i get about these things and he loves torturing me. i tell him to find someone and get some help all he said was ‘that’s the hard part, i’m awkward i can’t find someone to help me out’

in the chaos of my urges and his leading me on, i wrote out ‘i’m free lol’. i knew it would be a bad idea, but i sent the text anyway. i immediately threw my phone terrified because of what i sent and couldn’t take back. my mind was racing, did i just ruin our friendship? did i just wreck this whole thing. my heart was beating so hard i was sure my roommates could hear me from their room.

the ding of my phone made my heart go from almost ripping out of my chest to stop beating at all. i was scared to check my phone, knowing i could had just messed everything up. everything i’ve been dreaming of for months upon end. my fingers reach out for the screen and see the message.

‘you sure? or are you playing with me’. i took a deep breath and type out a message trying to make sure i don’t sound desperate. ‘yeah i’m sure and no i wouldn’t play with you this way at least. i’m busy tonight want to try tomorrow?’. emmett told me he was scared, i assured him we wouldn’t throw him into it and we could ease him into it over a few days. he knows i’m a lot normally and he knew my reputation as a whore.

the next day we talked like it was a normal day and we didn’t just plan a night of sexting out for later that day. his response time has never been the best but it was especially slow that day. i sent him a text saying that i was in a bad mood due to a fight with my father and that i was really looking forward to this but i’d love to do it another time. he confessed he was avoiding texting me because he was scared to start. i assured him i would go easy and i could help him learn what he liked, we decided to start another day.

my core has been aching since he told me he wanted to try it out with me, just begging to me pleased. the thought of his muscular body on mine, grasping my curves and whispering compliments in my ears had been running through my mind hundreds of times, after a while i could picture it. this was better than watching him play soccer. sure that was fun to watch and see him breathing heavy and sweat while he smiled at me if he was near where i was near. this was an experience i really thought could happen, something i had been waiting for.

my friends joke that my manifesting worked. this crossed my mind too, as days prior to this i was bored in class writing his name over 100 times in my notebook with positive intentions. i thought that was normal, you read it in novels and you see it in movies. this wasn’t manifesting though, this was just a coincidence. and an amazing one. i couldn’t wait for the night this experience would start. updates to come, hopefully pleasure filled ones.

[lunarliza]

JJ Maybank Must Die | Chapter 3: Fanny Packs

fuckboy!JJ x Reader

series masterlist | prev. chapter | chapter one

JJ Maybank is the island’s most infamous fuckboy- not that you ever cared. But when a group of tourist girls come to your surf shop crying to you about him, you agree to help them plot revenge. Sabotage is all fun and games, until you find that the playboy you were sworn to ruin happens to be falling head over heels for you.

Yes, this is based on John Tucker Must Die lol

For once, you finally felt like everything in life was falling into place.

Sophia dropped off your Venus Panic ticket last night, you booked a ferry to the city for September, you just earned another ‘employee of the month’ title which basically meant you were a shoo-in for the scholarship, and you noticed in the mirror that your ass was looking just a tad bigger.

You were sorting out the application clipboards one afternoon when you heard the ding of the front door opening. In came a cocky head of blonde hair looking as smug as ever. You dropped the stack on sight. 

How did he know where you worked? Was he stalking you? Should you file a restraining order? 

“Uh, can I help you?” 

“So, this is where you’ve been hiding all this time, huh?” JJ crossed his large arms and surveyed the tiny shop.  

“Yeah... how the fuck did you find me?” You bent down to hastily pick up the mess. After the incident at the Boneyard on Saturday, you weren’t expecting to run into him again for the rest of the summer. You didn’t think he’d be this relentless. 

He casually shrugged. “Eh, I just asked around town for a y/n and they told me you worked here. Still amazes me how I haven’t seen you around.” 

You rolled your eyes. As if you and JJ didn’t have English together just this past semester. Nevermind living on the same island for how many years. 

“Anyways,” he continued, I came here to sign up for surfing lessons.” 

You flinched your nose. “You’re telling me you’ve lived here all your life and you don’t know how to surf?” 

This was coming from the boy that won ‘Most Likely to be a Famous Professional Surfer’ in your 5th grade yearbook. 

“Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve hit the water. Maybe I need a refresher.” He flashed you a shit-eating grin- the kind girls around here would swoon over. But in that moment you were just plain uncomfortable. 

“Sorry, we’re booked for the summer.” 

He inched closer to the counter. “Well, at least let me take you out to dinner. Come on, when are you off?” 

You glanced side to side in agitation, racking your brain for some witty remark.

“December.” 

“I’m serious, y/n. I want to take you out! You know, get to know you better,” he prodded. 

You weren’t born yesterday. But he sure was if he thought he was going to take you out anytime soon. Or ever. 

“Yeah well, I think I’ll pass. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have my last session of the day in ten minutes.” 

Luckily, you were able to slip past him and out to the beach for your beginners’ class. It was a small group- an old couple and two boys around the age of nine. 

You greeted them with you usual work-charm and had them set their boards around you. Just as you situated yourself, you hear a faint “Wait!” followed by JJ sputtering towards the pack with a board under his arm. 

You wanted to rip your hair out. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” you spat, startling the old couple with you vulgarity. 

“I’m here for the lesson.” 

“Like I said,” you sneered through gritted teeth, “We’re booked.” The glare on your face was very, very potent, and you knew this wouldn’t be good for the reviews. 

“Yeah, your co-worker in there told me one of the guys that was supposed to be here said he couldn’t make it. So that leaves a spot open for me.” 

Cody. That rat! 

You sighed in defeat, motioning for him to situate next to the younger boys. “Fine, just take a seat and be quiet. You already missed the safety instructions!” 

All throughout your session JJ was an absolute pest. He could have at least played the part of someone who’s never picked up a surfboard in their life. Instead, every time you went into detail about a specific step, he’d pitch in his own comments no one asked for. 

“Well actually, it’s better if you add a jump when you stand up, you’ll go faster.”

“Well actually, if you try to pivot your board when they wave’s under you, you can ride it longer.”

“Well actually, if you attempt a big wave first, you’ll learn how to balance better.”  

The next ‘well actually’ you heard, you were going to fling JJ to the sharks.

When it was time for the group to hit the water, you tried to guide them through the motions, but everyone was too busy listening to JJ ramble on and on about his personal tips. 

For the remainder of the session, you sat on the shallow end, watching JJ have a rat-a-tat time with your customers. Blowing away a stray hair that fell on your face, you continued to glare at the light-haired boy cheering on the kids as they attempted the baby waves. 

There was a point where one of them leaned over onto JJ’s board and threw their arms around him. You softened at bit at the scene. It was very cute. 

Once the hour was over, you called everyone back to shore to give your closing remarks. JJ darted up behind the lot, sparklets flying everywhere as he shook his wet hair. He beamed at you, but you just averted your eyes. 

While everyone headed back to the hut, you tucked the cash you were given into your fanny pack and gathered your items to leave. That was, until you felt the player boy grab onto your hand. 

“Hey, the waves are absolutely insane out there. This is your last session today right? Come surf for a bit, you didn’t really get to do much earlier,” he offered, blinking down at you with his sky-blue eyes. 

“Well I would have if someone wasn’t running my class.” 

JJ let out a soft chuckle. “Look, everyone was happy with the way it went. And I’ll even tell your boss that you’re an amazing instructor. Which, to tell you the truth, you are.” 

You huffed and picked up your board to tread back into the water. You had to give it to him, though. The waves were indeed on fire that afternoon.

You were able practice a few moves you were working on, executing them perfectly. JJ, too, was flexing his tricks and you made a few mental notes to try a few of them later when he wasn’t around. 

When a pipeline wave began rolling your way, JJ tossed you a devilish grin, looking like a kid ready to break something. It was supposed to be one of the hardest ones to surf on. 

“Bet you won’t get this one!” he hollered. You flipped him off with a smile. 

“Bet I will.” 

You both eyed the target, determination evident, as you paddled. JJ quickly bounced up once it tumbled in while you waited a couple seconds after. 

Immediately, he plunged from his board while you expertly pivoted and glided along the tide. Poking his head from the water, he yelped seeing you nail it. 

Afterwards, you plowed back up the sand with him while he raved about what just happened. “That was so sick y/n! It was a pipeline! A fucking pipeline! I’ve never seen anyone do that before.” 

You blushed and tucked your hair behind your ear. “Well, it’s kinda my job.”

As you reached the shop, he turned to face you. “Yeah, speaking of, when do they give you a break around here again?” 

You chuckled and shook your head. “JJ, I had fun out there, but I’m still not going out with you.” 

“Alright! Alright! I get it. Can’t hate a guy for trying.” He held his hands up in defeat. 

You bid him goodbye and started getting ready to close the store. 

Later that evening, you met Sophia and the others at Annalise’s condo, spilling the beans on what happened. They all collectively gasped and hung onto their seltzers. 

“He actually came back?” Maia repeated as Arabella anxious gulped her drink. 

“Yup! Bothered me for my entire session and everything. God, he’s so delusional thinking I’d actually go on a date with him.” 

All the girls giggled except for Annalise who stared at the ground in deep thought. “But what if... you did?” she finally spoke. 

You grimaced. “Why on earth would I do that?” 

“No, like, fake date him,” she re-emphasized, “Think about it- you can fake-date him and we’ll go on your dates and sabotage the fuck out of him! Then, for the cherry on top, you can dump him before he even gets the chance to run! It’s the perfect ploy guys! We need to make sure he never messes with any girl ever again.” 

“Uh, I don’t know,” you scratched your head, “Can we really pull it off? It sounds so messy don’t you think?”

“Relax, we’re not killing him,” Annalise assured, “Also, it’s what he deserves! He’s broken practically every heart on this island. It’s time we take a stand in the name of our womanhood!” 

“That, I agree with,” Sophia added and the other two nodded. 

You were kind of shocked that Soph would be on board with such a preposterous plan. But, then again, this wasn’t the worst thing she’s ever agreed to. 

“You know,” your best friend continued, “I heard after you ditched him at the Boneyard, he hooked up with Emma Cohen the same night and ghosted her too. The boy just won’t stop!” 

Arabella gasped. “See! Rejecting him just isn’t enough! We need to kick him straight in the balls!” 

They did have a point. A twisted, ridiculous point. But you weren’t all gung ho about being the one to beat JJ at his own game. You- the girl who couldn’t even get Pope Heyward to take her to a dance. 

“All you’d have to do is bear him for a few dates. I’m sure we can take care of the rest,” Maia noted. 

Reluctance was still evident on your face. You could tell Annalise was getting desperate. “You know, y/n, I saw all the UVA gear on your locker at the shop. My dad’s best friends with the chancellor. He owes my family a lot of favors. How about I make a deal with you. If you do this for us, I’ll have my dad write you a rec letter and talk to his friend. You’ll be pretty much guaranteed a spot at UVA when you apply.”  

You let out an exasperated breath. Now that was an offer you couldn’t refuse. You wanted to put up more of a fight, but you didn’t want to let an opportunity like that slip from your fingers.

“Alright,” you sighed, “Fine. You sold me with UVA. Count me in your little scheming game again.”

Your friends cheered and clinked their drinks, eyes hungry for revenge. You sat back meekly and sipped yours, knowing the next few weeks were going to be an absolute train-wreck. 

“But wait!” you raised in the midst of the group’s plotting , “I shooed him away today. What makes you think he’ll be back to ask me again?” 

“You rejected him twice today?” Arabella questioned. You gave her a quick nod. 

“Oh girl, he’ll definitely be back.” 

-----------------------------------

Sure enough, JJ was back at the hut bright and early the next morning when you started your shift. 

“It’s you again,” you greeted as he leaned his arms against the counter, flashing you a smirk. 

He had on black aviators and a gray crewneck. For a second he seemed like a cute, innocent little puppy. Until he opened his mouth. 

“Don’t act so coy, babe, you know you’re happy to see me.” 

Oh God. This was the guy making half the island bawl in tears? You really couldn’t wrap your head around it.

You sighed, ignoring his corny-ness. “What do you want? We’re booked for the day.” 

“Ouch, is that any way to treat a customer?” He pretended to have gotten shot in the heart. 

As if on cue, Cody’s stocky legs strolled out of the back room, acting like he owned the place. He slid behind the counter to face you, disregarding JJ. You scowled and rolled your eyes.

“Y/n one of my customers had a complaint yesterday,” Cody stated.

“What? They had a shitty instructor? I could’ve told them that,” you shot back nonchalantly, inspecting your bare nails in disinterest. 

From the corner of your eye, you could see JJ snort in amusement. 

“Actually,” he prevailed, “They were complaining that their board was wobbly because someone let their customers take all the new ones.” 

You remained emotionless at his petty grievance. “What? It’s not my fault I don’t make my students do a hundred push ups at the start of the session. Maybe quit the crossfit and then they’ll actually leave better reviews.” 

Cody narrowed his eyes. “My students are grateful for my complimentary body-weight routine! They need to be fit for the waters. Whatever, stop fucking taking all the good boards! You’re taking away my customer experience, my good reviews, and my scholarship!” 

He proceeded to storm out the front door to his first set of victims for the day. You shot daggers at his back before JJ’s giggling snapped you back to reality. 

“Done,” JJ said, lifting his eyes from his phone.

“What are you talking about?” 

“I just left a bad review for that guy on your website.” 

Your eyes widened. “What do you mean?” 

JJ flipped his screen to you with the post pulled up. You read it out loud. 

“Do not recommend having Cody as your instructor. Made me do a hundred push ups before I got in the water, voice was too demanding, and shorts were uncomfortably short.” You erupted in laughter and playfully swiped his arm. “No way JJ!” 

“What?” he grinned and pocketed his phone. “Dude was being a real asshole to you.” 

You lightened up a bit at his kind gesture. Well, kind to you.

“Anyways, look,” he went on, “I know we might’ve started off on the wrong foot yesterday, but I wanted to come here and ask you out again. Properly.” 

You opened your mouth to speak, but he persisted with his rehearsed spiel. 

“And before you say no, I just want to say that it won’t be nothing grimey or weird. Just dinner. Tonight. It’s not gonna be the best night of your life or the worst, I just wanna get to know you.” 

You sighed and cocked your head to the side. “If I say yes will you leave and stop bothering me while I’m at work?” 

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” 

You blinked in disinterest. “Pick me up at seven. And don’t be late.”

--------------------------------

note: dUN DUN DUN!!! 

chapter four

tags: @obxlife @rudyypankow @yeehaw87 @ilymarkchan @jellyfishbeansontoast @tangledinsparkles @toloveortobeinlove @pixelated-pogues @normatural @teamnick @drizzlethatfalls @hazelgirl355​ @wicked-laugh​ @jjmaybankswife​ @ponyboys-sunsets​ @5am-cigarette​ @everydayimfangirling​ @angvelics​ @poguecollins​ @xealia​ @floridabornandraised​

[survey--s]

109.

What are your plans for new years eve this year?   Well, I didn’t do anything last year and I doubt I’ll do anything exciting next year, lol. I don’t really see New Year as anything special, it’s just another day.

Do you have a necklace on right now?   No. I don’t really wear necklaces because the dogs jump up a lot and I don’t want it to get ripped or damaged.

What was the last thing you purchased for yourself?   Food, lol.

What was the last thing you purchased for someone else?   Dog treats for my business.

Are you employed?   I’m self-employed, yes.

Do you have a favorite author?   Yes - Neil Gaiman.

How about a favorite book?   Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, Alice in Wonderland, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern.

Do you have a significant other?   Yes.

Have you taken your Christmas tree down yet?   We never even put up a Christmas tree, lol. The cats just climb it and knock all the decorations on the floor.

When was the last time you took a shower?   This morning, about eight hours ago.

Do you have any resolutions for 2010?   Ha, this survey is OLD. Anyway, no. I didn’t make any for 2022 either.

Is any part of you sore right now?   Yeah, my back hurts from sitting on the floor doing treat boxes this afternoon.

Do you have any clothes that are uncomfortable, but you wear them anyway?   No, I think that’s just really bizarre, tbh. Why would you voluntarily wear clothes that aren’t comfortable?

What song is playing right now?   I’m watching The Simpsons.

How many people are currently in your home?   Two people, three cats and a dog.

Is green your favorite color?   One of them, yeah.

What kind of music do you mostly listen to?   Rock, indie, pop, country.

Have you ever fallen asleep laying on your boyfriend/girlfriend?   Sure, quite often in winter.

What was the last vacation you went on?   We went to Yorkshire the summer before COVID hit.

When's the next time you're going on vacation?   Who knows. While Omicron is raging, I have no plans to book anything in case we have to cancel and we lose money.

Are you seventeen?   I’m nearly 20 years older than that.

Have you ever woken up next to someone you don't know?   No.

How tall are you?   5′9″.

Do you drink coffee?   Yeah, I have at least one cup every single day.

Are you old enough to legally smoke cigarettes?   Yeah, you could smoke at sixteen when I was growing up.

Do people ever misspell your name?   Yeah, I get “Nichola” a lot.

Do you know how to use the correct form of your and you're?   Sure.

What's your favorite sports team?   I don’t watch team sports.

Have you ever been to another continent?   Yeah, Asia, Europe, Australasia and North America so far.

Would you ever want to write a book?   Yeah, if I had a good enough idea. I used to dream of being an author when I was younger, but I just don’t think I’m good enough.

What year did you/will you graduate high school?   I graduated in 2007.

How old were you when you got your license?   29.

Do you ever clean without being told to?   I mean, yeah, I haven’t lived with my parents for years.

What's the ringtone on your cell phone?   Just one of the standard ones that came with Apple.

What kind of phone do you have?   I have the iPhone 13 Mini.

Have you ever lost your house key and had to climb through the window?   I’ve been locked out before, but I’ve never climbed in through a window or anything like that.

Have you ever been to the Atlantic ocean?   Yes.

What state do you live in?   I live in England.

What state is your favorite?   I’ve never been to America.

Have you ever had fake nails?   Nope.

Do you know anyone with skin cancer?   Yeah, an old colleague of mine had skin cancer. She’s in remission now though.

When was the last time you went to a funeral?   I’ve never been to a funeral.

Are there any framed pictures of you in the room you're in?   Yes, three of them.

What's the longest flight you've ever been on? From England to Australia, which involves a 14 hour flight, followed by a 9 hour flight.

[caitybug]

It may be February but... why not haha. 

Below the cut, organized in chronological order, are the fics I wrote in 2020! All put into one place :D. Thank you to everyone who read, kudos’d, commented, beta’d, and supported my writing. It was my first ever year writing fanfiction, and I am so thankful for all the friends I’ve made because of it.

<3 <3

If Not For You

Word count: 92,461 Chapters: 36 Rating: M

Summary:

Simon was born and raised in the midwest, and he thinks he has his life figured out. He has a girlfriend that he feels happy with, is excited to drive for his junior year, and can't wait to get away from his father when he goes away for school.

However, this all changes when his mom dies and he is carted to the east coast to start at a boarding school. Simon then has to deal with having a roommate (who hates him), living with his mother's death, and wanting to be anywhere but where he is.

To add to it all, one day he gets a strange phone call, and he wonders if his mother's death was really an accident at all.

author’s note:

This was my first like actual fic. And my first try at writing something. This fic will always have a special place in my heart because it helped lead me to all the amazing people I now call friends <3

Not only that but it was a bit of therapy for me. (Self insert? In MY fanfiction? More likely than you’d think!)

Anyway, whenever someone comments, leaves kudos, or otherwise acknowledge that the fic exists I get emotional haha. I also have like three playlists for it too haha.

The Heist

Word Count:7456 Rating:T

Summary:

It's the fourth year of the Halloween heist, and Baz is determined to win. He thinks he has it all planned, that he knows Simon Snow through and through.

Despite this, somehow Simon still manages to surprise him.

author’s note:

b99 AU bahaha. Need I say more??

Pay Your Fines, Snow

Word Count: 1524 Rating: T

Summary:

Baz Pitch works at the local library every summer. He's annoyed at kids who run around, people who don't follow directions, and Simon Snow- who can't pay a fine on time.

author’s note

This fic was the first of the fics that sparked all my crazy prompts haha. It was so much fun to do! 

There is a wonderful podfic of this made by the amazing and beautiful @xivz​, and it also has art now by @peachpit-gabe!! Go check it out here. 

A Rebirth

Word Count: 3374 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon and Baz need to finish their presentation for their Art History class. However, Baz also got pulled into watching his younger siblings for the weekend.

Frozen 2, chicken nuggets, sword fights, and themes of Renaissance.

author’s note

I wrote this for the amazing @krisrix as a prompt! It was so much fun to do and I legit wrote the whole thing in like one afternoon and had it looked over and posted it haha. I still feel bad because Kris legit asked for babies and I kicked the babies out at the beginning of the fic LOL. 

Coming Together in Three Parts

Word Count: 4639 Rating: M Chapters: 3

Summary:

Three snippets of their lives after Wayward Son.

author’s note:

The summary definitely leaves a lot to be imagined haha. But I decided to pull a @ninemagicks and give a metaphor of threes and I love yous. So it’s three lovely stages after Wayward Son. There’s the I Love You, the moving in, and then a marriage proposal. I was fairly proud of this! And I did this as an exchange fic as well. 

The Three Acts of a Wizard

Word Count: 6439 Rating: T

Summary:

Today, Baz is giving Simon a reprieve (or, that's what he is telling Simon.)

Cue a removal of cursed body parts, a grumpy fireplace who *knows* what is happening, and a shrill frizzy-haired friend threatening to poison some scones.

(this is a remix fic for @ninemagicks​ HMC AU YWSAFS

author’s note:

I wrote this for Nena’s birthday in the summer! Their friendship has meant the world to me, and this story is what I think gave me the gall courage to message them and harass them with 2k word comments/metas haha. If you’ve not read their fic, make sure to do so!

Heaven is a Place on Earth

Word Count: 12,711 Rating: M Chapters: 5 Summary:

Five hours each week. That's all Simon and Baz get.

But we know that's all they need to fall in love...

~~

A San Junipero AU

author’s note:

This fic idea came to me randomly and I literally wrote it in a week. I love it so much, and despite being MCD I think it’s still generally happy (I mean.. they do end up together??) Idk, it has a special place in my heart. And I made @krisrix read Baz with an american accent so... win win haha. 

(Un)Sexy Saturday

Word Count: 6157 Rating: M/E Chapters: 9 (they’re different stories each chapter.)

Summary:

Summaries vary by chapter. Overall it’s just a collection of silly stories where sex gets interrupted. 

author’s note:

Honestly this series was so fun to do. I need to continue it sometime! From beauty blender butt plugs, to swingers, to garlic allergies... it just makes me laugh haha. 

5 Times Simon Wanted a Fistbump, and the 1 Time He Finally Got It

Word Count: 5489 Rating: T Chapters: 6

Summary:

Simon Snow hasn't had a lot of friends in his life. He has Penny, who is great, of course. He has Baz (but does he count as a friend?)

So now, seeing Shepard, he's got a chance at a friend. A bro of sorts.

Simon sees the final hurdle in their friendship to be a fist bump. A simple signal of their friendship.

But how long is it going to take to get it??

~~

5 + 1 Yearning for a Fist Bump.

author’s note:

Simpard. Friendship. And art by @nick-eyre?? Perfection. 

A Goblin’s Skull, Maccies, and a Door Handle

Word Count: 2017 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon Snow wakes up in a building he doesn't know, tied up and blindfolded.

Luckily his best bro Shepard is there too.

author’s note:

Wrote this as a little bday treat for @nick-eyre :D. Decided to give Simon a friend who would also lust after goblins with him haha. 

One Word, Four Letters, A Lifetime's Worth of Pain: IKEA

Word Count: 2428 Rating: T

Summary:

Baz comes home and notices the house is suspiciously quiet.

When he finds Simon, surrounded by unfinished pieces of furniture, he can't help but ask... why?

Author’s note:

This was written as a birthday gift for @foolofabookwyrm! She is an absolute gem and has never been to IKEA, but now I hope she understands the struggle of building IKEA furniture haha. 

The Beat of My Heart

Word Count: 2230 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon is kneeling on the ground, waiting for Baz to come home.

He has a question. One he's wanted to ask for a while.

author’s note:

This was written as a birthday gift for @krisrix! A little proposal fic for the rat king <3 <3

Out of My Mind

Word Count: 10876 Rating: M Chapters: 3

Summary:

Baz and Simon are living their lives, domestic and content. They have a nine-year-old daughter, a Sunday morning routine, and plans to be alone for the first time for a while.

But when a girl who is growing into her powers reads something she shouldn't, they get into a predicament they don't expect.

author’s note:

This was a COE gift for @krisrix! Body Swap! Parents! Married! I tried to do it all for him haha. 2020 was really the year where I was like yeah, let’s write Kris a million fics. And honestly—wouldn’t have it any other way.

Imposter vs Crewmates

Word Count: 754 Rating: T

Summary:

Everyone has their quarantine coping strategies.

Simon tried to bake bread.

Baz watched Twilight.

But Penelope...

She introduced the gang to Among Us.

author’s note:

Look. I’ve no excuses for this lolol. Just thought it’d be silly :D. 

The Ethics of Wanting You

Word Count: 1417 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon Snow realized recently that he has a crush on Baz.

Penny suggested he find reasons to spend more time with him, so he suggests a study session for their ethics exam the following day.

(It doesn't go as planned, but the result is very much worth it.)

author’s note:

Birthday gift for @peachpit-gabe <3 <3. Just a cute one shot with snowbaz.

Pumpkin, Let’s Make a Patch

Word Count: 2516 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon Snow is trying to create a neighborhood pumpkin patch.

Baz, unknowingly, rips the pumpkins out of his front lawn.

(How will he make it up to him?)

author’s note:

This was done for the COC. I based it off this cute tiktok series with this kid who rode around on his skateboard and plants pumpkins around his neighborhood.

Weathering the Storm

Word Count: 2248 Rating: T

Summary:

Shepard was nine when he first met a boy he'd learn was Simon Snow.

He was in a ditch crying, and Shepard wasn't sure what to make of him.

This boy lived in his mind until he saw him again years later.

And today, when there's a storm unlike any other in London, he knows who must be at the center of it.

author’s note:

Honestly. This is probably one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. IDK. It’s so short but... I love it. And if you like to listen to fics— @bloodiedpixie did a phenomenal podfic of it! And @nick-eyre did AMAZING art for it too <3. 

New Beginnings

Word Count: 2090 Rating: T

Summary:

It's the first New Years Eve after the Christmas that changed everything.

After Simon Snow and Baz kissed.

After they defeated the humdrum.

After the Mage's death.

But, as many of us do, it's time to take the New Year as an opportunity to begin anew.

author’s note:

Part of a server exchange I did for @knitbelove :D. 

And, all of the prompts I’ve yet to put on ao3... lolol

[honeypirate]

-Operation save Bakugou (Summer camp part 2 ) -

—Okay so I know this is really long but I wrote with my phone and I don’t know how to do read more breaks and it has a lot of the show in it and not all is how it is in the episodes I used some of the script and some just how I remember the episodes because I was excited to write. But I had to get to the part where Bakugou is saved because I don’t think I would do a good job writing fight scenes if I made y/n get captured too. Maybe I’ll rewrite part two when I get better haha but right now this is it! I hope you still like it

I didn’t know when to stop like because I wrote in some of the actual show I could keep it going with different things lol I had a hard time so this is what it needed up being.

Also I probably don’t write characters very well I’m still learning. To me I think Bakugou would treat the one he has romantic feelings for differently when they’re alone. But anyway

-To the story-

When you woke up you were falling into the arms of Shoji, apparently some man used his quirk on you to turn you into a small marble thing, you didn’t really understand. Shoji’s other arms were holding Tokoyami. You quickly looked for Bakugou and noticed him in the hands of some patch face villain as they were being warped away, you screamed his name along side Midoriya and you struggle against Shojis hold on you your pain forgotten about. Midoriya is running tho, he’s gonna make it, he has to make it “Stay back, Deku” Bakugous voice makes you start to cry and he looks right into your eyes as he disappears. The summer training camp that everyone was looking forward to couldn’t have been more of a disaster. You didn’t stop quietly crying until you got to the hospital. You ended up needing surgery to help repair some of the tendons in your shoulder that ripped and when you woke up you were in a room with Jiro and Yaoyorozu, with the combination of doctors and Recovery Girl you were able to be up and out in a couple of days, although you’d still have take it easy for a few months and don’t do anything to strain it, limit its use.

Your parents kept you at home for a couple days, your dad still worried and your mom was okay about things, but you couldn’t just sit and do nothing, so you found yourself at the hospital with your classmates in support of the other students still unconscious. During this time you became closer friends with Kirishima, when he brought up his plan of having Yaoyorozu make another tracker for the device she put on a Nomu and you guys go rescue Bakugou, you were one of the first to join him. You knew the risks, you remember Hosu (your blood type unfortunately the one that lasted the longest paralyzed so you didn’t even fight), you knew that if you did this wrong it would reflect badly on the school and heros. But you also knew how smart your classmates were, you knew that if you all worked together you could figure a way to rescue him without fighting. You could be stealth. When Midoriya woke up the few of you went to visit him, you weren’t a part of the gift choosing or you would have suggested something else but Mineta was super excited about it. it was kind of cute but you would keep that thought to yourself. “I brought you a present! its from all of us, it’s a melon!!” Mineta holds the melon proudly. It was shortly after that when Kirishima brought up going to rescue Bakugou, and only you and Todoroki so far will go with. Before you realized Midoriya was crying “i couldn’t save someone right in front of me” he says his voice breaking “then, let’s save him this time!” Kirishima steps forward, you can feel his resolve in the air. Iida is upset “This is something we should leave to the pros! This isnt the time to act like idiots!” He practically yells and you place your hand on his arm softly “we know that” you say quietly and Kirishima turns to face Iida “after I heard that my friend was being targeted, I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything! ...” he takes a deep breath “if I don’t do anything now I won’t be a hero or a man anymore” he sounds so dejected, which is exactly how you feel. Mina pipes in “So, in short, you're planning on getting the receiver from Yao-momo, following it, and going to save Bakugo yourselves?” Kirishima nods and says “yeah” Todoroki speaks up, saying “Even though the villains said we were targets to be killed, they took Bakugo without killing him. They probably let him live, but that doesn't mean they won't kill him eventually. Y/n, Kirishima, and I are going.” “Don't go overboard with your messing around!” Iida says and does his normal arm flails. “We need to leave this to All Might” you didn’t say much, you could see clearly each side of the arguments, but there was nothing that could stop you from going to rescue Bakugou if you could. You were already thinking of ways you could get him without fighting when Tsu’s voice cuts through your thoughts “Everyone, we're all shocked from Bakugo's kidnapping. But let's think things through calmly. No matter how just your feelings, if you're saying you'll fight again ...that you'll break the rules.... Those acts are the same as those of villains” your heart dropped into your stomach. “It’s a reach to call what we want to do the same as villains, we want to quietly go in and find a moment to save him. No fighting. No harm. We want to get him out so that when All Might and the heros get there they don’t have to hold back in fear of harming Bakugou too. If I was them I would go in as soon as possible to get Bakugou out. If that’s so then we can...” you get cut off as a nurse walks in to the room saying it’s time for Midoriya’s exam, everyone went to see Jiro but you went off by yourself to clear your mind and prepare for tonight. You were going to rescue Bakugou tonight.

You, Kirishima, and Todoroki stood outside of the doors to the hospital, waiting to see if Midoriya and Yaoyorozu will show. Kirishima speaks quietly “I wonder what Yaoyorozu decided” you felt nervous “ Well, no matter how restless we are, it's up to her.” Todoroki pointed out. “There she is” you say and when you all look Yaoyorozu and Midoriya come out of the door “what did you decide?” Kirishima asks but before she can respond Iida comes out of no where and punches Midoriya “Why... Why did it have to be you guys of all people?! The ones who stopped me when I acted recklessly for personal reasons...You, who received amnesty with me...Why are you trying to make the same mistake I did? It's too much!” He shouts in frustration. “When I saw your injuries, I also saw my brother in his sickbed! What if your bodies end up irreparable, like my brother's, because of your recklessness? Are you saying that you don't care about my worries?Are you saying that you don't care about how I feel...?” You could feel waves of worry and sadness coming from Iida. You felt his worry. “Iida” you say softly and you can see all of his emotions in his eyes. “Iida. We don't expect to face them head-on and win either. We'll extricate him without fighting.” Todoroki says “In other words, covert action!” Kiri adds “That's the way we students can fightwhile toeing the line on the rules!” You added, confident you could pull this off. Yaoyorozu speaks up “I trust Todoroki. But so that I can stop them if anything happens, I plan to accompany them, as well.” “Well if we can’t come to an agreement, then take me with you as well! am accompanying you because I am not convinced you will behave yourselves. If I think it will turn to combat I will make you return immediately.” Iida was definitely the right one to be the class rep. You nod, completely okay with his conditions. You didn’t want to fight, your body wasn’t even close to being able to fight, so you would do this on his terms.

The reciever said that Nomu was in Camino ward which was two hours away so you’d be there by ten pm and when you got there it was busier than you thought it would be. There were so many people out and about and with the school being in the news recently there was no way you wouldn’t be recognized. The villains also know what you look like, which led you all to getting disguises to look more like adults instead of the teens you were. Todoroki pointed out that Yao-Momo could have just made your disguises with her quirk but she said as a good citizen we had to help the economy. As you follow Yaoyorozu to the destination everyone around you starts to talk about UA as a screen in the square begins to broadcast clips from the schools press conference. “They’re treating them like the bad guys” you say quietly to your friends. Before you knew it you were at the location that the device said, It looked like an abandoned warehouse. “What should we do? We’re out in the open right here we need to make a plan” you say as you pretend to check out a soda machine. Midoriya starts to mutter to himself before he suggests going around the back of the building. “We’re gonna get stuck” you whisper to Yao-momo and she agrees “just keep moving” Midoriya says back to you guys from the front. Once you make it to the back you decide to have Kirishima and Midoriya stand on Iidas and Todorokis shoulders to use Kirishimas night vision scope. The warehouse was full of Nomu, you felt sick to your stomach. Bakugou wasn’t here but what was is terrifying. You were so busy thinking of what you were going to do so you didn’t notice when the Pro Heros arrived, but you did notice when the place exploded and you were knocked to the ground by falling concrete. Iida quickly pulling you next to him to hide. What is going on!? Your body ached and your shoulder screamed, there was a villian who was hurting Best Jeanist, and you and your friends were huddled on the other side of the wall, terrified. Before you could even collect your thoughts you recognized All Might as he busted in and started fighting followed by the rest of the league warping in through some sort of black goo.

You automatically recognized Bakugous voice and your body reacted propelling you to go try and save him. Iida stops you and Midoriya at the same time and then Midoriya reveals the plan he’s thought up. “We can get him without fighting. Iida and I will use our quirks and Todoroki will make a huge ice wall too high for anyone to even think of coming after us, but it all depends on you, Kirishima. It will be up to him to save himself and you guys have a built a good friendship, he needs someone he can trust” all eyes were on Kiri but he was looking right at you “I don’t know if you guys have noticed but...I’m not the one you want. Y/n here has grown closer to Bakugou” his voice sounded, slightly jealous, you blush “if you want him to have no doubts then use her” it was in that moment that they all put all the pieces together and they all looked at you “yes you’re right! Y/n! Can you do this?” you nodded confidently and you all got into position. “Now!” Modoriya says and you’re off. Flying up a giant ice wall going faster then you’ve ever traveled. This was it. You were going to get him back “y/n! Now!” You were being held by Iida as you leaned your body down holding your good arm out towards to blonde haired boy “KATSUKI!” You yelled his name and not even a second later he was blasting through the air towards you, when his hand wraps around your forearm you let out a choked cry. You wrap your arms around him holding him so he didn’t fall. “Bakugou make a blast to..” Iida started to direct him to help us land but Bakugou cut him off “dON’t TELL ME WHAT TO DO” he shouts but does as he’s instructed anyway. When you land you quickly disperse into the crowds downtown, Iida and Midoriya going one way and you and Bakugou headed off in a different direction. When you found a place to blend in with the crowd he turned to you and pulled you into a tight hug “I was so worried” he said softly laying his cheek against the top of your head and your cheek against his chest. Your hands were shaking as they gripped his shirt in your fists “Katsuki” you whispered and pulled back to look up at him and then the words started and you couldn’t stop speaking “I’m so glad you’re okay. I mean I know you’re like the strongest person with your convictions and there’s absolutely nothing that can stop you being the number one hero but I still couldn’t help but be worried. I know it’s a little dumb but I guess I .. I.. just. If something when wrong then I don’t know. ..” you took a breath “I guess I would really miss giving you shit or something” you laughed awkwardly and nervously scratched the back of your neck. He laughed “of course that’s why. And I knew you realized I was gonna be number one. I guess you can be the number two hero or you can be my side kick” he gave you a little friendly flirty nudge before taking your hand in his, he was suddenly very serious and upset, his red eyes like fire staring into your (e/c) ones “y/n I swear to god if you ever do anything so stupid and reckless again I’ll kick your ass” he says and pulls you into another hug and you hide the pain of your shoulder by laughing against his chest “I promise I won’t be reckless unless it’s to save you. I will always choose to save you.” you say softly feeling your cheeks blush you pull away and take his hand “we can probably go and find the others now” before he can say anything you take off through the crowd pulling him along. You meet back up with Iida and Midoriya when the TVs start broadcasting the rest of the fight. Your hand never leaves Bakugou’s, even if you tried to let go he wouldn’t have let you. you end up leaning up against him as you watched the fight unfold, you were shaking a little from exhaustion and your injuries hurting more now that the adrenaline wore off. When All Might turned into a skinny skeleton version of himself safe to say everyone was shocked. You don’t think you blinked for several minutes watching it happen. “All Might” Bakugou whispered next to you. He looked like he was.... losing.

You saw that a few other heros had arrived there as Endevour and Gran Torino were in the corner of the screen. He can do it. He can still beat the villian. Come on All Might kick his ass! Suddenly everyone is yelling and screaming for him, “COME ON ALL MIGHT KICK HIS ASS!” Bakugou yells next to you and you squeeze his hand right and cheer for All Might as well. This energy, All Might had to feel it! And he does! He puts all his power into one arm and then there’s too much dust in the area to see what happened and everyone went quiet. You held your breath and Bakugou wrapped his arm around you pulling you right next to him, you cover your mouth with your hand, eyebrows knit tigether in worry, you don’t even blink as you wait for the dust to settle chanting “all might all might all might” in your head. The cheers when the dust settled were so loud you were sure you were deaf. Bakugou hugged you again, and this time it hurt. You gasp in pain and he pulls back “you stupid idiot! you overdid it and you aren’t healed are you?!” You whisper an apology, embarrassed, then place your forehead against his chest. Your body floods with relief that this night is over. You have Bakugou back, All Might won, everyone you care about is okay. You take a deep breath in, filling your senses with him, your shoulders shake and you can’t help the tears that start to flow. Ever since you lost him in the woods you had been stressed and filled with worry, your heart strained and your stomach felt like it had cement in it. You were overwhelmed for so long and now that the heros won your body flooded with relief and it was even more overwhelming “I’m sorry” you whisper, afraid your voice would crack, he holds you close to him and rubs your back softly “don’t worry” his voice was kind. “It’s overwhelming, I understand” you felt his breath next to your ear and realize he’s holding you and bent around you like he’s shielding you from everyone else. It’s only for a few minutes five tops but it feels like time stops. Him holding you makes it easy for you to calm down and once you’re breathing normal he pulls back and smiles at you, you doubt he’s ever looked at anyone how he’s looking at you now, you can’t help but draw your face closer to his turning your jaw up and your nose brushes against his softly, . . . “There you guys are the commotion must of split us up again” Iidas voice cuts through your bubble and you pull back quick and instinctually blushing and looking at the ground Bakugou takes your hand and laces your fingers together. Iida didn’t act like he noticed anything wrong here he just kept talking, you looked up at Bakugou who was glaring his usual glare at the world and at Iida. “We should get Bakugou to the police and talk to them.” Midoriya nods and smiles at you and when you meet his eye which causes you to blush again. “Let’s go then” Iida turns and you follow, keeping a hold on Bakugou’s hand so you didn’t get lost in the crowd, and partially because you didnt want to lose him again period. You didn’t want to ever let him go. Before you get to the police you stop for a second and keep Bakugou with you “I .. I don’t know if I can let you go..” you whisper quietly and rub your thumb softly across his and he pulls you in close “y/n..” his voice was gruff right by your ear “take a deep breath” you do as he says and he keeps talking “don’t be a damn idiot” you laugh at him, loving that he’s acting normal with you, and he smiles but hides it by turning his face into your hair. His lips softly kiss your temple . “Let’s get this over with so I can take you out on a date” he’s back to keeping his angry mask on and starts to walk again. “I’ll see you as soon as I can” he whispers just to you before he goes off with the police, you give your statement to another officer and hero and then you’re free to go, knowing you’ll be reprimanded by Aizawa next time you see him and you hope he won’t expel you all. You wait for hours for the trains to start up again before you make your way back home with the rest of your friends.

Your parents grounded you. No phones no friends, nothing but homework and house work. Although you were lucky that your parents still had faith in the heros and school, you suffered through the next few days not being able to talk to anyone and you were constantly thinking about Bakugou. When a letter came in the mail, followed by Mr. Aizawa stopping by, you were filled with a flicker of hope. They were bringing all the students to dorms on the school campus. Your parents agreed the moment they read the letter, they knew it would be the safest option if you were going to keep attending UA. When Mr. Aizawa showed up on your door step, they were even more impressed. Your mom bows to him “We really loved what you said during the broadcast and we still have the utmost faith in you heros, we know how hard it must be to have everything scrutinized when you’re doing the best you can. You’re obviously a wonderful teacher, y/n is always talking about how much she loves your class..” you blush and look away “so yes. We will send her to your dorms. We know you’ll protect her”

You run and hug Yao-momo when you see her outside of the dorms, dropping your bags and laughing. “I’m glad you’re okay” you say and smile when Todoroki appears. “You too Todoroki” you add and he ruffles your hair with a smirk before moving in his things. “This is kind of exciting isn’t it?” Yao-momo says and then gets distracted directing her movers who were carrying in an awfully large bed. You smile and look around at the commotion and bend down to pick up your duffel bag but before you can Bakugou swipes it and throws it over his shoulder “there you are” he says and you throw your arms around his neck, you couldn’t help yourself, you pull away embarrassed and pick up your other bag, you weren’t moving in with a lot all you really wanted were clothes and decorations. “Here I am” you say with an awkward laugh and look back up at him. he’s blushing a little, he looked so good it made your heart skip. “I’m so glad to see you Bakugou” you say and you notice the corners of his lips turn up into a small smile for just a split second “let’s get going,” he takes your hand “your shit is getting heavy” he’s back to scowling but it doesn’t reach his eyes this time. He walks you to your room and puts your stuff down and you are practically bouncing with excitement. “This is so amazing Bakugou!” You’re so happy “Katsuki” he says softly and you turn look at him “what?” “I love when you call me by my name. Or even Suki really.” He says and finally meets your eyes as you walk over to him taking his hands in yours “that’s wonderful to know” You were suddenly very glad that your parents let you move in alone, giving you a small moment of alone time with Bakugou. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you Katsuki Bakugou, you’re actually being nice!” He genuinely smiles for what you bet was the first time in a long time. “What’s going on is you make me crazy y/n!” You laugh and then Aizawa opens your door and you quickly step away from Bakugou, Aizawa just sighs “let’s go Bakugou” you laugh again a little frustrated at how you keep getting caught when you want to kiss him. “Meet me tonight” he whispers into your ear and you nod and wave goodbye, apologizing to Mr. Aizawa as he turns and leaves with Bakugou.

You spend what feels like four billion hours unpacking and decorating your room exactly how you want it, you have a wall covered in pictures of you and your loved ones and band posters and color changing Bluetooth LED lights around the tops of the walls, don’t forget black out curtains with black sheets and black comforter, with three extra blankets because you get so cold. When you finished you went down and met up with everyone else in the common area. You sat next to Uraraka when you didn’t see Bakugou right away and when she came up with the plans for a bedroom contest you silently bowed out saying you were too tired and wanted to catch up on sleep, as you were walking back to the elevator you heard Bakugou make up a very similar excuse to kirishima before he caught up to you.

As the elevator doors close he takes your hands and pulls you next to him. “Want to see how I decorated? I think you’ll like it” you say and finally turn your head to look up meeting his eyes “show me” he says and you can’t help the smile spread across your face as you felt the air get heavy with tension. You were so close to him you could smell his scent and sweat, you loved it. you could have sworn you felt little pricks against your palm as you quickly snuck him into your room again. Your lights were set to orange and you closed the door as he took it all in “it’s exactly what I’d expect a losers room to look like” he says gruffly, facing away from you. you feel your jaw drop from shock before he turns around and you see his smirk “that was not nice! I worked so hard on this! And I made the lights orange for you!” You were kind of annoyed and it just made him laugh and he caught one of your hands in the air as you gestured to the lights, closing the distance between you both and wrapping his arms around you in a hug. “I love the lights” he says and takes a deep breath of your hair, he always enjoyed that your hair smelled like rose shampoo. “Can’t seem to get enough of me Suki, if I knew any better I would say you even like me” he laughs again and pulls back to really look at you “you’d be right” he tucks your hair behind your ear and leaves his hand on your cheek, your heart stops, your breathing stops, you don’t blink, you can’t move, is this really happening?? your body is full of butterflies “Katsuki” you whisper and your hands travel up from his chest one resting on his neck one deep in his soft hair “finally” he whispers the moment before his lips meet yours. They’re soft and warm, giving, unlike his personality. Your lips fit tigether in the most perfect way, you moved together like you’ve done this many times before like you knew him better than anyone. A moan escapes your lips and you laugh at yourself, he takes that moment to deepen the kiss sliding his tongue into your mouth. You relax into him, his arm around your back. When you finally pull away and look up at him you’re out of breath and your cheeks are flushed “this isn’t some one time thing right? Because you can’t give a girl a taste of something as amazing as that to just take it away. I gotta have that every day of my life now” you’re on a nervous ramble when he kisses you again softly to kind of pause you before laughing out “you idiot. I’d never do that to you” you blush and he touches your cheek “pink is a good color on you” he kisses the tip of your nose “I thought you hated me at first, which is why I thought it was so funny to pester you” you confess, not really sure why, “you infuriated me. You didn’t care about any of the walls I had up or any of my attitudes. No one other than my parents have shown me that. People always think I’m too angry or think I’ll for sure turn into a villian. They say I’m too loud or obnoxious. That I’m too cocky. Then I realized that you never made me feel like I was anything bad” “that’s because you don’t have anything bad about you” you cut him off and he gives you a quick peck and a shush “let me finish pelase” “sorry go ahead” he smiles “I realized that I wasn’t infuriated, I was enamored. When I heard your voice and saw you fly through the air that night, you were like an angel. My angel.” His lips press softly to yours again and you feel all your anxiety and worries about this being a one time thing wash away. He called you his. “So I’m yours huh?” You cock an eyebrow “that’s what you got from my whole speech? You do realize that I’m not going to say it again right?” He’s gruff again and you laugh “if you’re mine,I’m yours” you whisper into his ear and his arms around you tighten. “I really do like the decorations. The orange lights are a great touch” he says as he pulls you down into your bed to cuddle.

He just wants to hold you, never let you go for as long as he can get away with it. He’s never felt this strongly about anything other than becoming number one. You laid on your back, his head was on your chest and he was laying between your legs, your arms around him playing with his hair and drawing on his back as you both talked about things you loved between kisses. You never knew he was this funny, your stomach hurt from laughing so hard “you’re amazing Katsuki I knew you had some secret hidden qualities but I am truly delighted the more I learn about you. The more you trust me with” his kisses you and when he pulls back you notice his blushed cheeks “you better keep this all to yourself or I’ll kick your ass” his threat was empty but what you had with him was so special you want to keep as much as you can close to your heart “don’t worry baby” you say laughing and as he cuddles into you again you sigh “You should get back to your room and get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow and I can’t get into trouble or I’ll be expelled, you heard Aizawa.” You wiggle out from under him and pull him up to his feet, kissing him softly before you walk him to the door. “I’ll see you in the morning. My sweet girl” he kisses you and after you stick your tongue out at him as he walks off laughing. “Goodnight Katsuki!” You say to him, not worried too much because the only other girl on your floor is Mina and you know for a fact she’s still downstairs. You watch him enter the elevator “goodnight sweetheart” he says and winks at you with a grin before the elevator doors close fully. You would not be able to sleep at all tonight.

Tag list : @succulent-momma

[jaekissd]

[3:42 pm]

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader

Genre: a little sad ?? // Boyfriend!Jimin 

Length: 1.1k words

a/n: So here’s my other one lol um i really liked this one ! thanks for reading :) don’t forget requests are open <3

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Knock knock

I took my robe from the chair beside my bed and checked the time on the clock. 7:41 AM. Who is here this early? I thought to myself. Pulling my robe tighter around my frame, I quietly walk down the wooden stairs. I look down as I open the door, "Yes?" I slowly look up and meet eyes with the man in front of me, catching him right when he was going to knock again. My blood turned cold. "Oh... Hey, Jimin." "Hey Y/N.." he said as if with hesitation, pursing his lips a little.

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I can't bear to look at him as we awkwardly walk side by side. I was preoccupied with my thoughts when he cleared his throat and I truly looked into his eyes for the first time in almost a year.

"So about your voicemail.." he quietly said.

"Oh.. yeah, I'm really sorry about that.. I know you're busy and I should've been more considerate asking you to come see me.." I tucked a loose strand behind my ear.

We had stopped for a moment and faced a beautiful grove of snow-covered pine trees. I let out a deep breath that I didn't realize I was holding.

"No, actually it's fine. I've been meaning to come either way." He turned to look at me with a lopsided grin.

Under different circumstances, I would have loved being here with him. Seeing his wonderful smile and eyes that hold a galaxy within them.

"So how are your parents and brother? I haven't really talked to them in a while." I try to steer away from what is yet to come and make this small moment of peace last.

He sighed, barely noticeable. "They're doing good. Busy with finalizing the new plans for the restaurant's management."

The silence began to slowly consume us as we leaned against the fence, watching the pine trees sway a little. I knew I wasn't the only one thinking about what happened last time we had seen each other..

-Flashback-

"Y/N are you there?"

His voice sounded hopeful through the other side of the door.

"I brought you a gift."

I lean my forehead against the door softly, a single tear wetting my cheek.

"Well, I'll just leave it here since you're probably showering or something. I'll be back in a little!"

And just like that, his footsteps began fading. I sigh. 'So much for a future together..' I quickly found a writing pad, scribbled two words and ripped out the little piece. I open the door and my eyes laid upon the beautiful red roses Jimin had left on the porch.

Hastily wiping a stray tear, I placed the paper visibly next to the flowers and quickly closed the door. I slid to the floor with my back against the door, letting out my long-awaited sobs. Seemingly moments later, I heard footsteps again as my sobs had dragged to silent tears. I heard a rustle. 'That must mean he picked up the note'

" 'I'm sorry'", I heard him say, his voice audibly confused. "Baby, no, please... Don't do this Y/N!"

I did all I could from crying out again when I heard how broken he sounded. But it had to happen. I suddenly heard a soft thump against my door and realized he was sliding to the same position I was in.

"Please..." he whispered. "I can't lose you."

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"Anyways", I say, quietly bringing myself back from my reveries. "I'm sorry I didn't call for your birthday."

He looked at me, smiling softly. God, how much I missed that sweet smile. The care-free laugh that ringed beautifully when we were barreling down the streets last summer.

"It's alright. I don't blame you, it seems as if you haven't slept in a million years."

I laughed as I began walking again. "Yeah. I've spent all my time thinking about.. things."

Suddenly, I felt something tug my arm and before I knew it, I was in Jimin's arms. As shocked as I was, I didn't question it, but rather hugged him back. I had longed for this, for the same comfort I had felt the day my father had died. That September night, although I was a mess, I knew I had loved him more than anything. It broke my heart knowing I had to let go only a few months after that.

"Don't beat yourself up." He patted my back gently. "I don't blame you for leaving."

I couldn't take it. He absolutely did not want me feeling guilty I had severed ties suddenly? I did nothing but constantly disappoint him and more so, hurt his heart. I sobbed into his shoulder.

"This isn't at all what I thought it'd be. It's been almost a year and I still lay awake thinking about what could have been. This freedom I wanted is nothing more than missing you and everything we had!"

I pulled myself away but he didn't let me out of his embrace. He held my cheek as he looked at me like I was the most important thing in his world.

"Jimin, I'm so sorry I let my fear of being truly in love get in the way." I sniffled, trying so hard not to ugly cry in front of this perfectly imperfect being. "You gave me all you had to give from yourself and I just said goodbye. And that's not fair to you. I wish I could go back and change everything that happened. But I can't and if there's not a chance of us again, I just want you to know that I loved you."

"You don't have to apologize Y/N. I understand. Really, I do." He whispered to me, his forehead touching mine.

"Then, please understand why I'm about to walk off again.." Without him noticing, I slipped a note I wrote the day I called him to come see me, into his pocket. I had to say goodbye one last time.

Painfully, I gently removed his arms from around me and turned. A good distance away from Jimin, I heard him yell. 'I guess he found it after all.' I thought, wiping yet another tear.

"Y/N come back!"

Without turning back, I begin to run. Not knowing what comes next but still holding on to the past.

'I go back to December all the time..'

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a/n: If the last line is confusing, i’m really sorry! it’s supposed to be like where y/n tells Jimin that she wishes everything could go back to the way it was before the broke up (in December)

[everydayanth]

Academic Elitism: an institutional issue

Sorry for being so rant-y lately, but the elitism of university has been a problem for me from the exact moment I accepted my scholarship with a signature and a handshake in high school. (The scholarship was later revoked due to state up-fuckery, but that’s another story, and I was already in too deep by the time they told me).

My parent’s house was only an hour north, my younger sister had already claimed my room, but I was excited. I was in the furthest dorm building, because that’s where the scholarship kids went, it was like a poor kid diversity hall, every few doors was someone from a completely different background, but we were all poor except our Swedish RA, and there was an odd pride in that. We all had various scholarships: robotics, dance team, nerds like me, etc. (not the football or hockey athletes though, they had their own dorm next to the library for... reasons, lol).

But being the last hall, it wasn’t actually full, most of us had entire rooms to ourselves, often whole suites; our hall was co-ed, but rooms were only occupied at every-other, staggered down the corridor. Only the front two halls were used, the back two closed off for construction or codes or something. We had to hike up the hill for dining halls, which was fine until snowdays that shut the whole campus down (and I mean west Michigan ones, with 4+ feet of powder and ice underneath). I had an old computer my dad got me for graduation and I didn’t know it was old until my peers started calling it a dinosaur. I had to use the library computers to write and print papers, and most places I went, I ran into the other scholarship kids. We didn’t talk much, just a head bob here and there, awareness at our similarities and an annoyed spite at being thrown together this way. It was lonely for everyone.

I had a purple flip phone I’d gotten only that calendar year (2009) and was still learning to text with (abbreviations? instant messaging? what?). My roommate had come down from Alaska to live near her dad, we’d talked in the summer, but I never saw her. I moved my things in and her stuff was on her side, I texted her about going to turn in paperwork and when I came back, there was a note on my bed and all her things were gone, she couldn’t do it, had never been away from home for even a night. She left a few mismatched socks and a bag of junk pens that I resented for years. 

Social media was mostly a way to talk to people across campus and exchange homework and party times/locations. We posted over-edited photos of our food and still jogged with our mp3 players and ipods. But within two years, I had to trade in my computer three times and upgrade to a smartphone to keep up with the expectations of communication. Professors would cancel classes by emails an hour out, and if I was on campus, I simply didn’t get the message, running between classes with 19 credit hours and three jobs. Work would call in or cancel my appointments (tutoring) and I needed to be able to communicate at the rate of my peers, so though it wasn’t something we could easily afford, my parents let me get the smartphone and my dad helped me find computers that could keep up with writing papers and researching without having to go to the lab, which saved so much time. 

There was little understanding for my suffering. I didn’t have a car, I had to call my parents and organize a time to get home or take the train which was more expensive than waiting around on an empty campus. They were often things that even the wealthiest students had to deal with, but there were so much more of them for us, more stress, more problems, more solutions, more consequences, and in some ways, more determination.

I spent plenty of breaks holed up in my room, but when the swine flu/H1N1 outbreak happened, guess where they quarantined students?

In our hall. 

Not the back one that was closed. In the room attached to my suite. 

After half a semester alone, suddenly strangers shared my bathroom. I never saw them, I would just hear the formidable click of the bathroom lock followed by the shower. A week later I got a blue half-sheet note in my mailbox about quarantines. The other kids were as pissed off, as we watched kids escorted in with blue masks and were told to just get cleaning wipes from the front desk –they ran out in a week. 

We were the recyclable students, brought in to trade scholarships for university grade averages. Many of my friends were struggling with scholarship qualifications and gpas (which only encouraged my continual obsessive perfectionism and involvement). 

We were expendable. 

I didn’t understand the elitism then, or I did, but I’d twisted it in my head from years tossed between private and public schools. I was an invader, I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I wanted to be. I understood that I didn’t deserve it, that I had to work harder to stay. I completed Master’s coursework for my Bachelor’s degree, finishing two BA programs (anthropology and English: creative writing) and 2 minor programs in philosophy and world lit, lead several campus groups and volunteered with honor’s societies. I spent hours on campus every day, running home just to go to one job or the other. I slept about four hours a night and I still romanticize it because I loved it. And I was good at it. It was a closed system, easy to infiltrate, easy to watch and observe and follow, to feel protected from the world, but there were always ways that I came up short. 

I didn’t have leggings or Northface fleeces or Ugg boots or name brand anything (except a pair of converse I got in 8th grade from my Babcia). I had old high school sweats and soccer shirts, hand-me-down clothes from sisters and cousins that mix-matched a style I thought was unique but I now understand screamed I don’t really belong here. Example: I went to propose an independent study to a professor I really admired and I panicked about what to wear. I still cringe at the memory, gahhhhhh, but I pulled on what I thought was a decent dress because it had no rips or stains or tears and though I’d picked it up from a clearance rack, it was the newest thing and therefore the best. But in retrospect, it was definitely a “party” dress, I grabbed a sweater, hoop earrings that had always been beautiful in my neighborhood, and heels I never wore otherwise, and presented my idea. This old professor was just like “um...did you dress up for me?” Clearly spooked by red flags and I realized my mistake. Saved by quick thinking I clarified “no, I have a presentation later,” and being a familiar face in the social sciences department, I let him assume I was dressed up as something. I just went in my sweats and t-shirts after that, got a haircut that tamed the wavy frizz and learned the importance of muted tones, cardigans, and flats.

I made a lot of interesting friends in the process, people who also stuck out from the American Academic culture: exchange students, older (non-traditional) students, rebels, and other poor kids. But that also meant that we all evolved during our time there, so friendship was quick and fleeting as we adapted or dropped out or remained oblivious, lost in our studies and dreams of changing the world or our lives. 

I had no idea how to approach the dining halls because I could only afford the bronze plan that was included with my room+board scholarship. I could enter the hall ten times per week, with four included passes to the after-hours carry-out (this was an upgrade from the free high school lunch I was coming from). I met other kids on this plan and their dorm rooms had fridges and microwaves and shelves of ramen and mac’n’cheese. Mine was sparse, my fridge had jugs of water from the filtered tap in the common room, and though it had a shared kitchenette, it always smelled bad or was being used and the nearest grocery store was Meijers which was a 15-20 minute drive from campus. I used so much energy dividing up my meals and figuring out how to sneak food from the hall for later or just learn to not eat, which is another story involving malnutrition, broken bones, and the American Healthcare System.

We like to summarize the college experience with fond struggles. I went back to my old high school to watch my younger sisters’ marching band competition that first year (it’s MI, and they were good). My old art teacher (not much older than we were but she felt so much older at the time, also her maiden name was Erickson and so was her fiance’s so she didn’t “change” her name and that blows my mind to this day), anyway, she stopped me to ask how school was going, and I was not prepared to be recognized in anyway and stammered out something like “oh, yeah, stressful. Fun, cool, yeah,” like the eloquent well-educated student I was. And she said, “oh, I loved it, don’t you love it? Everything’s so charming, and being poor? Oh man, it’s hard for a while, but it’s so good to go through.” 

I was dumbfounded at her reference to poverty as a thing to go through when you’re a student. I again had to remember that I was infiltrating places where people weren’t just marginally more well-off than I was, but far beyond, in a place where they couldn’t comprehend an alternative, couldn’t conceive of surviving poverty, of not having a reliable place to fall if you mess up, parents who couldn’t support you if things went wrong, who couldn’t save you from having to drop out if scholarships were canceled because the money just wasn’t there.

Talking with my parents never worked, and I recently found this video by The Financial Diet about Boomer shame in being poor, where many Millennials were united by it and it was #relatable. But all this is to say that there are so many layers and ways we develop in higher education that are often overlooked by the romantic nostalgia of the elite expectation. What we demand from education vs. what it offers us in return is rarely equal for students coming from poverty, and it starts with that first sacrifice of looking at money and deciding it has to be worth it to do something bigger, and that education is a necessary piece of that goal.

Now I live near Brown University, I’ve been to Harvard when we lived in Boston and recently took a trip to Yale with bold expectations. I am friends with several people who work at these places and I hear the same things: so many students are in a place where their obsessions are considered more important than the larger world, an argument that Shakespeare is a woman is more important to prove than the greater issues of sexism in society as a whole, while others are trained to look at data and the world as a pocketable fact-book, going to conferences and  week-long summits and then off to D.C. to make important decisions about places they’ve never been to, for people they’ve never met, about problems they’ve never experienced.  

It’s not new. It’s not romantic. It’s not nostalgic. It’s just sick. 

I was horrified at New Haven. I have read so many social science reports and papers and experiments and academic bullshit that has come from professors at Yale with a big badge of ivy-league validation. So much of this research was focused on homelessness and culture clash and socio-economics in America, as that was my “dissertation” that got me discounted master’s classes for my BA in Anthropology. Anyway, my point was that I thought this noble, proud university that put out so much research was going to be situated in something of a utopia, where their research is put into practice. Obviously, I was wrong, but I didn’t expect how wrong. (I had also started reading Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House, so... there’s another thing).

My observations were validated by employees of ivy-league schools, who have watched over the past 2 decades as they grow more and more reclusive, hiding away from the public except through a few, probably well-intentioned, outstretched hands that do little to contribute to the world outside the university itself. These ivory towers are built by poaching: environments, observations, resources, research, and yeah, even students.

I love academia. I will sit in a library for hours just pulling down tomes (and putting them back in their proper locations like a dork) and drawing connections just for fun. But right now, I’m a bit bitter and spiteful and angry. 

When something like Coronavirus sneaks up on us, we have a tendency to throw the most expendable people under the bus as quickly as we can, and all I can think about is my shadow of a suite-mate sneezing and coughing with swine flu for two weeks, at how I refused to use my own bathroom and listened to my hall-mates’ advice about showering at the rec center a mile away as we all collectively locked our bathroom doors and were left there by the university to get sick without insurance to help with any foreseeable costs.

It’s not the same now, they’ve rebuilt the entire section of the campus, it’s odd to see it, I wonder where they put the expendable kids. Or maybe they don’t accept them anymore. I’ve worked in college admissions since then, and it is a scary industry of politics and preference and hidden quotas and image-agendas. Not all schools are industry monsters, but when you’re expendable, they sure do feel like it, whether you graduate summa cum laude with two degrees, six awards, and five tasseled ropes around your neck or not. 

I wish I had a positive message. I wish I was in a place to help people who feel expendable or like they can’t keep up with communications because of technology or language or network or environment. But I don’t have much right now. For all its posturing and linear progression, academia needs to create profit. All I can do is yell about this existing.

If you are feeling expandable in university, I can tell you you’re not alone. I can let you rant about all the small ways your peers don’t get it, whether its an accent they shit on or ceremonies you don’t have the right clothes for or textbooks you share with a friend to cut costs but then they hoard them. I can relate to you about guilt and that sneaking panic that fills you with anxiety at night as you question yourself and wonder if it’s worth it at all, if it’s necessary, if it’s okay to be expendable to follow something that feels bigger. I can validate your doubt and tell you that you’re not actually expendable, you’re a bridge. 

I’m sorry it still works like this. I wish we figured out how to change it by now, I wish I had secret shortcuts to tell you about, that there was more accountability or hope, but I’m not seeing it lately. I hope you do. <3

[transbibennyweir]

I love mbav so much it’s one of my favorite shows ever and I’m still so upset over the cliffhanger ending but on a side note Benny weir was definitely my number one favorite character but that might be due to the fact that I have a crush on him and in real life too anyway though I will say bethan is definitely my otp favorite pairing from the show as well and I was so upset they didn’t end together in the end but I was wondering if you would consider making Bethan fanfiction for this month?

duuude i feel the same way i love the show and even me who isn’t really into shipping can’t argue that those two had some real chemistry going on. that cliffhanger ending will always suck but at least we got fanfic to cope and pretend it didnt happen lol but yeah i’ve been writing two or three (really) short fics. the requests are mostly bethan so lucky you! i just put a new i did under the cut. its short and smiple and not too over the top shippy. its still good i think but the next bethan fic i want write to be super over the top shippy for fun with fluff (and angst with comfort ofc) (also this is on ao3)

The Valentine Dance at school was only a week away and Benny had the less than amazing plan to confess some long time dwelling feelings, and if he was lucky score a date to the dance. Although, he was lacking in any confidence seeing as he was never the best with plans and had the worst luck with... Well with everything if he was honest. Ethan was more the plan guy. Which was a total problem when Ethan is who the confession was for. Benny debated for half the school day if he should ask anyone for help, it became pretty obvious that they wouldn’t be that helpful. Rory can’t keep a secret to save his undead life, Erica isn’t much of the romantic type (ignoring that she wouldn’t want help at all in the first place), and Sarah... Actually Sarah might be the only one that would be any real help. That’s if she wanted to help. After what happened Freshman year with Ethan pinning for her and the eventual coming out from Sarah that she didn’t like guys it was sometimes amazing they could still be friends without one of them dying of awkwardness. If anything it was more awkward to ask for help from your current crush’s ex-crush, but Benny was out of options.

“Hey Sarah!” Benny greeted on his phone, his leg bouncing as he sat nervously on his bed. He had decided that he would try talk to her after school, partly hoping he would talk himself out of doing any of this. “I kinda need your help for something important. How quick do you think you could be at my place tonight? Sarah? Sarah!”

When there wasn’t a reply Benny repeated her name wondering what happened followed with a moment of silence and a sudden swiping sound of gusting wind through his phone then a whoosh out in front of his bedroom window. Vampire speed, always handy. “This quick enough for you?” Sarah giggled. Between last year to now Sarah was a lot more playful about her vampire-ness, much to the amusement of Benny.

“Knew I could count on you, Sar!” He grinned at her.

“As always. So, what’s this super important thing you needed my help in the middle of a school night?” She asked, jumping onto his bed with a weightless thump. “Is it a magic problem or just your special brand of weirdness for tonight?”

“Ha! Very funny. I mean it. It’s serious. There’s the dance coming up and I need your help scoring with-” Benny was cut off by Sarah abruptly standing up with a squeaked out “What!”

“Benny! I thought you said this was serious. I rushed over here for you thinking ugh-I can’t believe you! I am not helping you with ‘score’ with some random-”

“It’s Ethan.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah....”

“Benny, I am really sorry.”

There was an awkward silence that made Benny want rip his insides out which was a total confidence booster. “Nah, no, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have been so ‘Benny’ about it. My fault.” Benny’s voice sounded worn and hoarse. Sarah wrapped her arms around Benny to comfort him, sitting back on his bed they stayed quite, Benny taking steading breathes. “I know it’s been a summer since he got over you, but I dunno we’ve always been friends and really close. Confident Benny wants say there’s a chance he’s into me, but Nervous Benny says everything I think has been a sign is just me getting way too hopeful and I’m just,” Benny sighed leaning into Sarah’s hug. “Really tired dancing around how I feel all the time.”

“Awe, Benny,” Sarah settled into her place on the bed facing her favorite spell-caster. “Okay. I’ll help you. What’s the plan?” Benny sheepishly smiled and raised his shoulders.

“I was kinda hoping you could come up with something. I’m more of a plan follower than a plan maker. My ideas tend to lead to the actual problem that needs fixing.” He laughed nervously.

“I think I can come up with something. You still know that flower spell, right?” They grinned at each other.

“Of course.”

+++

The school dance was now only four days away and Sarah’s plan was simple and more importantly fool-proof. Which is what Benny was counting on.

“So, all you need to do is talk to him. Take him to the park. Whoa him with some magic, some flowers and then boom! Ask him to the dance. Simple and sups romantic.” Sarah said as they walked outside to see Ethan and their friends waiting for them in the school parking lot. “Think you can manage?”

Benny waved at them nervously. “I’m totally going mess this up.”

“Ben, it’s literally the most straightforward plan on the planet. There’s no way for you to mess it up. Just be your usual funny and charming self, it’s what he loves most about you.” Sarah smiled reassuring. Reaching their friends Benny tried not act anymore strange than his typical self, which was hard when Benny’s go to was being strange. It came with the magic powers and general teenage boy awkwardness. Erica was pushing Rory back onto the ground as he tried to float above her head saying there was something in her hair, there wasn’t, really he just wanted steal her hair pin that he was obsessed with.

“Come on, Erica!” Rory teased picking at the clip.

“Rory, if you don’t stop I’m going drive a stake through your un-dead heart!” She threatened as Ethan laughed before turning his attention to Benny and Sarah.

“Hey, Sarah, Ben.” He smiled sweetly, his eyes glancing at Benny with a sheepish blush. Although the boy in question was too busy freaking out internally to notice. “We still on for movie night?”

“Oh right!” Sarah said suddenly with a false quickness. “I totally forgot that’s tonight. Me and the vamps have some Vampire Council business and such. Y’know, vampires only. Heh.” She lied poorly but Ethan was just a little too slow to catch on.

“We do?” The two other vampires said holding off on their mini fight over a hair clip, Erica holding onto both Rory’s wrists in opposing directions. Erica watched the panic in Sarah and Benny’s eyes that said all she needed to know; ‘please just pay along’ written all over their faces. “Oooh. Yes-yeah. We do. Totally. No humans allowed or they will eat your face off. We’re doing a... vampire... ritual.... Yeah.”

“We do that? Awesome!” Rory said suddenly excited if not a little confused. “Why didn’t they tell me anything? Do you guys have their number or something because if so I feel it’s unfair that I don’t-”

“Rory, not right now.” Erica pulled her hair clip out of Rory’s hand, annoyed. “We should get going. Don’t want be late for the... ritual. Right, Sarah?”

“Right! Yeah, we really need get going. Super speed can only be so quick. Let’s go.” Sarah chuckled, pushing two of her friends away from Ethan and Benny. “We’ll see you later!” The three vamps speeded off, the other two waving them bye. The school parking lot was empty by then, Ethan’s full attention placed fully on Benny who felt the crushing weight of his friend’s eyes on him as he always did when they were alone. It was easy to play off any pining feelings when they hung out, their friendship had always been enough for Benny. Even when he had see Ethan longing after a different person, it was hard sometimes, but Benny could always push down any budding jealously or unsettling sadness. Ethan would always be his friend and now if he was lucky he could put boy in front of friend. The thought making his cheeks warm and his heart fast.

“Soo, movie night?” Ethan asked, they started their walk home only instead Benny had planned to take a subtle left turn towards the park the spell for appearing flowers repeating in his head.

“Actually I was thinking we could, uh, go for a walk... to the park?” Benny flinched with the odd expectation that his friend would suddenly reject him right there and then. “I have something I want show you, I dunno. Is that dumb? I feel dumb.”

“Benny. It’s cool. Come on, I kinda wanted tell you something anyways.” Ethan replied with a smile, his hand close to gracing against the taller boy’s. The near touch drawing them closer to each other, they’ve always gravitated towards one another with a strange pull that was always between them. Benny wondered if Ethan ever felt it, if he could ever see how Benny looked at him with such love and care. Maybe his seer powers let him see it more clearly than Benny felt it, lucky him Ethan still didn’t fully know how mind read yet.

The start of their walk was mostly silent, the longer the quite went for the more Benny’s internal freak out grew into full blown panic. He was seriously reconsidering saying anything at this point. Half way to the park and they hadn’t said a single word to each other, a first for their friendship. Ethan was biting his lower lip clearly lost in deep thought, Benny was too nervous to speak and break into whatever was going through the shorter boy’s head.

“Ben... Benny, heh, uh, I’ve been wanting to say this for awhile and I didn’t know how and I know you’re you know... You.” Ethan started. None of his words were comforting to Benny right now. “Wait-wait. That came out weird. I just wanted say when we came out to each other last summer. I know I acted really weird afterwards and it was totally uncool of me and I know I should’ve said sorry forever ago, but I’m real sorry, Ben. It was lame of me and I only acted like that because there some feelings I didn’t think I was ready to think about and now it’s like my brain is stuck thinking them but I don’t want things weird so, uh, am I making any sense?”

Benny didn’t know if he should laugh or cry, he went with the former and abruptly began to giggle in a almost soft of manic way. The sudden out bust of laugher worried Ethan. “Why are you laughing? Benny, I’m being serious. Come on, dude.”

“Sorry, dude. It’s just, you really scared me there for a second, E. I know it was a weird shift it’s totally fine. I was never mad.” Benny said, his laughter subsiding. Although he took note of the last bit, he didn’t want feel like he was reading too much into it but it couldn’t nothing, right?

They reached the park a few yards off where there was a bench was waiting for them. The lump in Benny’s throat was starting appear and it was getting too late for him to choke and bail on this whole thing. “Let’s go sit on the bench. It’s my turn to ramble and make barely any sense.”

“So nothing new.” Ethan teased. Ben wrapped his arm around Ethan’s neck and ruffled his hair.

“Yeah, yeah. Just sit down, okay?” Benny sat down with a nervous smile and his leg bouncing with a quick uneasy pace. “On the topic of us not being the straightest lightsabers in the bunch. Heh. There’s the dance coming up and I didn’t want go alone and there’s this person I wanted ask-”

“Really?” Ethan butted in with a sad look making something clink in Benny’s head. “That’s... great. What’s he like?”

“Oh you know, he’s really cool and mega smart and like, the biggest dork in the whole world.” Benny was grinning now, biting his lower lip to fight back his nervous joy. Maybe it was petty but if he was understanding right then making Ethan jealous for two minutes would make up for last year’s Sarah obsession.

“Oh. Uh. He sounds really cool. I’m glad you like him so much. So, what’s the plan to ask him out?” Ethan asked, his mood becoming more downcast suddenly. E, you pretty idiot. Well, just a bit of teasing fun wouldn’t hurt.

“Mhm. Yeah, he’s really great. I was thinking of asking him after school, y’know, surprise him with some flowers use a little magic to make sure their his favorite. Like this,” Benny made a quick glance to make sure no one was looking before making a bouquet of flowers appear. It had been the first simple trick that Benny had ever show Ethan. It started as a cheesy way to impress girls now it was becoming a cheesy way to impress his Ethan. The flowers matched the color scheme of Ethan’s favorite Star Wars character, right down to matching the center one with the character’s lightsaber.

Ethan stared at the flowers with a shy sadness. “Oh? Then what? Explain to him vampires are real next? I’m sure that one will go over real great, Bens.”

“Maybe. I think he’d be freaked out at first, probably less than he should be but grow to think it was way kick ass. I think he’d do pretty awesome fighting some bloodsuckers. Bet he looks really hot staking one out. The same way I think he looks really hot when he plays video games and starts losing and sits on my lap-which is totally cheating by the way, but I let it slide because again total cutie. I want ask him to the dance, maybe after we could sneak out and-”

“Jeez, Benny. Stop it, okay. I get it.” Ethan stood up from his seat, covering his ears. “You must really like him. What’s his name?”

“Oh, I dunno it’s something like Ian? Eric? Wait! No, I remember it’s Ethan Morgan the dumbest yet prettiest boy in town. Only second to yours truly.” Benny grinned gaining more of a cool confidence as he saw the way Ethan’s blush grew dark across his face.

“Oh.”

“Yeah ‘oh’ you dope! Who else could I have ever been talking about?! Han Solo?”

“First of all, I don’t know! And second, Han was totally gay for Luke but that’s for a different time.” Ethan said, glancing as an older couple walked past them.

“Wait, were you jealous? Like actually?”

“What! No way, I was not.” Ethan’s blush creeped up to his ears. “And anyways, it was totally not cool of you-”

“Then we’re even. Fair?” Benny leaned closer to Ethan, the flowers disappearing from between them. “Were the flowers too gay?”

Ethan leaned closer and bit his lip. “Bens, I don’t know how break this to you, but you’re like the gayest person in town.”

“Second to you.” He laughed before Ethan closed the gap between their lips catching him off guard. The small doubt that lingered in the back of his mind was put at ease as their lips fit together. “Sorry. I was really hoping I didn’t mess this up.” Benny tried not to giggle.

“Lucky you, your bad gay jokes and charm is what got me hooked on you in the first place.”

“Yeah, guess I am a catch. So... We’re on for the dance?”

“Yeah.” Ethan smiled holding Benny’s hands. “Yeah, Bens. We are.” They grinned at each other, hands clasped together and knees touching.

[ash-etherwood]

Top 5: writing memories, songs, characters that are not blank rune, runes, food

♡

Linda I love you but are you trying to kill me … that’s so many Top 5’s! But alright, I’ll do my best! (Answers will probably switch between German and English RIP to every non-German-speaker who follows me and wants to read this for some reason I swear I’m normal)

WRITING MEMORIES

5.) The entire time I spent finishing my first (second?) longer writing project It was the year 2012 and it was a cyberpunk story about my friends’ and my edgy self inserts riding dinosaurs, fighting aliens and being badass. The plot twist in the end was that my character was secretly evil and wanted to kill everyone. (Things to show your therapist) The final boss fight made zero sense and also everything was incredibly weird and stupid. But sometimes I still think about those times when I sat in my grandma’s living room at night, eating chips and listening to Vocaloid covers while thinking this story was the coolest shit ever. Truly simpler times.

4.) Researching something about universities in Texas for OvF on a rainy Saturday afternoon I have no idea why this memory is still sticking with me to this day (I think it was around 2016 or something?), but I remember that it was just a really nice day and I felt really at peace at that moment?

3.) The entire writing process of Bathroom Blues It was such a spontaneous project and I still have no idea how I managed to power though it in just a little under two months! Also it was just incredibly fun seeing you getting excited over new drafts and I loved coming up with new plot points and Halloween costumes for everyone with you. :-D Truly a summer worth remembering.

2.) FINALLY uploading the prologue and intro chapter of WWBL Not really a writing memory, but that moment was … so sexy and magical. Seriously, you have no idea how long I had been waiting to finally start that story, waiting for the Steckbriefe to roll in and see people react to the prologue and generally the idea … I even made one of those countdown graphic thingies for the designated upload date! 8D At that point I had planned that story for about six months and just … yeah, that felt powerful to me.

1.) Writing the prologue for WWBL When I first started the draft for that prologue I was sitting at the window in my favourite hotel in Winterberg, Sauerland, wore my dark green flannel, had the window wide open breathing in the cool mountain air and allowed myself to listen to my WWBL playlist for the very first time. God, that felt so amazing. I even have a photo of it (which somehow makes it look like I have the biggest football shoulders in the universe) my sister took that night. God I miss Sauerland. )’:

- - - - -

SONGS

My apologies to every favourite song of mine that I forgot about, I have a whole playlist of them, but I think these are some of my oldest faves … (Honorable mentions for Don’t Mess With Me and Not That Big by Temposhark, Goodbye by Apparat, Me And The Devil by Soap&Skin, Heart Heart Head by Meg Myers, Pain and Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace, Beautiful Crime by Tamer, Gravity Of Love by Enigma, In Flames by Digital Daggers [thanks Phi u_u] and Murder Cries by Snow Ghosts AHHH FUCK IT I could’ve just made a playlist,,,)

5.) Vater Unser by E Nomine Starting off with some weird shit, won’t we? I’ve been in love with this song since fifth or sixth grade, when I was just starting to develop an actual music taste and although I have many favourite songs by E Nomine, this one has to be my absolute fave. Every time I can relate it to a character it makes me love said character even more. (Also I think about it every time my mom forces me to go to church for Christmas so … yay? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even be able to remember the Vater Unser if it wasn’t for this song. 8D)

4.) Wires by The Neighbourhood I think this is the newest all-time fave on this list, I found it in … 2015? Thank you, Youtube AMVs. Yeah man, this one is just … on so many playlists it’s not even funny anymore.

3.) Heathens by Twenty One Pilots An edgelord classic but like … it’s on EVERY playlist of mine. Every single one. It’s just so good. The first time I heard it was on the radio tho, when I was having breakfast with Jessie and I forced her to shazam it because it immediately stuck with me,,,

2.) Imaginary by Evanescence My first Evanescence song ever and the first step towards becoming who I am today I think. This song has like … such a big history for me, man. It single-handedly turned me goth in 2008 and I have never really thanked it for that.

1.) Eternal by Evanescence Might be my favourite song of all time. The number of dramatic RP scenes I have written with this in the background … man. Oh, also this song is the reason for one of my oldest internet nicknames, ‘eternala’, which subsequently shortened into Etschuh and then Tschuh, my main nickname until 2017, when I came out as trans and finally found an actual name for myself I was comfortable with!

- - - - -

NON BLANK RUNE CHARACTERS

I know this was probably supposed to be about fandom characters but I can literally not come up with a single character right now that I love with a special burning passion and that is not my or one of my friends’ OCs so you’re getting OCs now. u_u And boy do I have a lot of those.

5.) Jackson Tracey from atroCITY (mine) This little piece of shit kept me company for a pretty long time and is still very close to my heart for some reason, although I haven’t drawn him or really thought about him in detail for a while now. My favourite thing is how I only realized what a horrible person he was after I stopped regularly working with him but honestly good for me. 8D His storyline and personality is kinda convoluted and tbh I’m not really sure how much of it is canon anyway (atrc was always a little weird about canon rip) but yeah. He’s an obsessive stalker piece of shit who pities himself way too much and he is also a semi-immortal demigod who likes knives. I hate him but he also helped me a lot with some gender and sexuality stuff so thanks I guess.

4.) Mayoko Imai from Century Riders DXPrototype (Maus’ and mine) Mayoko is a magical girl protagonist with a cool cyborg arm prosthetic and her main character trait was that she was basically a reverse weeaboo, a Japanese girl who was obsessed with American media, culture and comic book heroes! I actually love her concept a lot and she also had a pretty cool character arc in her story (which Maus and I wrote together and actually finished btw!), although it could use a lot more … polishing from today’s point of view. But I love her anyway. She always wanted to do the right thing and be a hero and got broken pretty cruelly and her ending is kinda bittersweet I guess? Ahh there’s just so much nuance to it … anyways, CR3 also stuck with me for a very long time and I enjoyed the time with her a lot. :3 (Her name had a cameo in Another Incident btw heehee)

3.) Tessa *insert extremely long chain of unnecessary first names here* von Lean from Nobody Is Perfect and Infernal Temptation (belongs to one of my old school friends) Tessa is just … a hand full. I love to hate her. She is badly written and developed and just OOZES mentally ill teenage girl’s idealized self-insert power fantasy, but she just … man, she was a big part of one of my most drama-filled high school friendships which I love looking back at so much. Tessa has fucked so many of my characters … good for her tbh! There are actually two versions of her, one is just a ‘normal’ teenage girl and one can shapeshift into a cheetah, but both of them are very close to my heart. I should really adopt and redesign her some day.

2.) Judy Khayat from Original vs. Final (mine) Look, I love all my OvF-characters and every single one of them is special to me in their own way, but Judy is just … the most complex of them all I think? Man, she went through so much … she is actually one of my oldest (semi)-active characters (I created her in 2009) and her latest version is from 2016 but I should really, REALLY revise her again tbh. She has a very complicated backstory that I didn’t handle as carefully as I should have, and anger issues and religious conflict and depression and PTSD and then Vance of all people becomes obsessed with her for no reason and decides to traumatize her even more … yeah. God I really love her but I seriously need to work on her. A LOT. I should also finally rename her tbh … let’s just see where she takes me next.

1.) Okami (I don’t even remember if she has a proper last name rn lol) from Split Realm (mine) Yeah, that bitch is just my favourite OC. She’s also very old, probably from around 2009, and initially was a magical girl with fire powers who I played in an RP with my friend Flauch but boy did she grow up! Holy fuck. Okami is a horrible person but I love her so much. She is so violent and full of anger and pain and sadness and treats everyone around her like shit and she is in love and she is a demon but also apparently the personification of the concept of Chaos but she just wants to be a teenager again and run away with the love of her life and ahhh it’s all so hopeless for her … also she turned out gnc af with time passing and pretty much went through a gender/sexuality crisis in real time with me, her creator, which is always fun. :^D I haven’t drawn her in a while tbh. Should really do that.

- - - - -

RUNES IN BLANK RUNE

I’m just gonna go with the arcs here, okay? Also this entire answer might look completely different if you asked me again tomorrow, you know how indecisive I am with Blank Rune shit ahha,,,

5.) Jera Look. I know I’m boring and stupid. But I just love Tave and Liam having their disgusting little foreshadowing talk, okay? I can read it over and over. I just love my horrible little shit crime boys. Also Rhy and Phillip are there. (’:

4.) Isa This one is here because it was the first arc I witnessed in real time which gives it a very special place in my heart and it also … hit pretty hard at the time. But having read Fehu it’s become even better now! It’s just such a wonderful, tragic romance between two horrible, ruthless boys and I … I’m not immune to Rhy, sadly. :-/ Just like Phillip.

3.) Wunjo We still haven’t seen everything that leads up to Wunjo yet, but we DO know more than we did initially (wow shocker) and it’s just always a fucking blast. Also, it has the first mention of Ash’s real name … the first Rhy POV (which what the fuck!! I always feel like we had one before but we didn’t!! Wild) and it has crazy blood-soaked murder Tave, my beloved. :///3

2.) Eiwaz You guys have heard me fanboy about Eiwaz so many times already. Eiwaz-OT3 (and Kain) my beloved!!! It’s just SUCH an amazing starting point and there are so, so many things that tie back to it and every time we find out about a new one my heart makes a little jump … und es beginnt von Neuem indeed.

1.) Gebo One of the most painful but also the most beautiful arcs yet in my opinion. It’s been hyped up for so long and boy did it deliver. God, my heart still hurts when I think about that last scene. Also all the dialogue … the golden lines we got … and it’s an arc without Rhy! Crazy!! :-D I just love the relationship between Ash, Astrid and Jakob so much. God fuck I want what they have. Just maybe without the murder suicide,,,

- - - - -

FOOD

5.) Diese Sonntagsbrötchen wo die Verpackung so plopp macht, wenn man die Folie abzieht Better than normale Brötchen for some reason. Most of the time. See 2.) Look man, I just really love a good breakfast …

4.) Chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese topping One of the first things from a certain baking book I tried when I was getting into baking back in 2019. God they are so tasty. I don’t make them often so I don’t get used to them too much and eating them still feels special but ahhhh I love them so much!

3.) Grünkohl mit Kartoffelbrei und Mettendchen One of my favourite things about autumn/winter and one of my biggest comfort foods. God I love this shit so much. I just put … mountains of Grünkohl and Kartoffelbrei on my plate every time and I will just warm it up for four days straight until there’s no more left. It turns me into a fucking caveman. I’m not even big on eating meat but … yeah. Everything is different when there’s Grünkohl.

2.) Normales Brötchen mit Butter und Scheibenkäse aber ich bin beim Frühstücksbuffet im Hotel Oddly specific but that’s just how it is. Sorry. Nichts geht über Brötchen mit Käse.

1.) Chilli-Knoblauch-Nudelauflauf My beloved. My comfort food. I eat it literally every second day. At least one hour in the kitchen every time. Fresh ingredients. My only vegetable intake. And I’ve been doing that for three years. I just love it so much, man. I cook it for everyone who visits me. Chilli-Knoblauch-Auflauf cured my depression.

[noctisfishing]

A Night at the Summer Festival

Day 2 - First Date

#noct writes taiora week 2020 [ 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 ]

@taioraweek for more Taiora love! @noctisfishing for Taiora/Digimon writings and more. :)

Setting: Digimon Adventure tri. timeframe / AU

Tags: Fluff, Romance

Minor pairings: Takari, Joumi, minor Kenyako

Notes: Their first date is at a summer festival because I was inspired by this beautiful fanart. There will be no goldfish or candy apple, but I promise it’ll be equally as sweet.

This may not show up in the tags because of the links but I’d like to add them for context. Here is more on the yukata (even the drawing in the link could be of Sora, lol!) and info on some of the mini-games and food stalls at a Japanese summer festival. More references at the end of the fic!

Also... Koushiro couldn’t make it to this event... (My deepest apologies to my Koushiro fans. I hope we can still be friends)

~*~*~*~*~

"So, you've finally asked her out, huh?"

“Let’s not talk about this, Hikari.”

Hikari grinned upon entering her and Taichi’s bedroom, catching sight of Taichi who was draped in blue. His brows were furrowed as he lifted his arms, looking down at the yukata he had focused on putting on properly.

“I think we should, given the occasion,” Hikari said, stopping in front of Taichi to help wrap the robe and obi around his waist. She had already put on her own lavender-colored yukata with the help of her mother, including the flower clips in her hair to match.

Taichi lowered his arms, entrusting his younger sister to help him look like less of a fool in his yukata. “You’d think that a first date would be small and simple, like catching a movie, or a walk in the park.”

“A summer festival is just as fun, Taichi. An amazing event with an amazing girl like her. Right?”

“R-right…” Taichi stared to the side, feeling the burn on his cheeks from Hikari’s widened grin. He knew that she was highly amused by his reaction. “I guess I’m lucky that Dad had his old yukata for me to borrow.”

“I’m sure Sora appreciates it! Wait until she sees you in this - Taichi, stop fidgeting.”

“Sorry,” he muttered. 

He had only turned his head to try to look down at what the yukata looked like on him, but he lifted his head up and faced forward to let Hikari continue her magic.

“Okay! All done.” Hikari patted either of his shoulders. “It’ll be fine.”

“I hope so. Thanks, Hikari.”

After what seemed like forever while their mom convinced them to pose for pictures, Taichi walked with Hikari to the front of the shrine where they planned to meet Sora and Takeru. The two were already waiting in their own yukatas, with Takeru donned in green and staring in amazement as Sora did a casual turn with the geta on her feet to show off hers.

At the turn of her head, her eyes lit up when she realized that Taichi and Hikari had arrived.

Taichi was suddenly speechless. 

“Hikari! Taichi!” Takeru called with a wave. He joined Sora walking over to them.

Hikari kept walking, but Taichi stopped, at a loss for words. Sora’s red hair was styled in a bun with a lock of her hair coiling down the frame of her face. Her yukata was patterned with florals in different shades of ruby, with a crimson obi tied in a tachiya-style knot at the back . 

“Come on, you slowpoke!” Hikari yelled. 

The other three laughed, but hearing that brought Taichi back down to Earth. As he caught up to them, he remembered that he didn’t want to embarrass himself or mess this up. He had even agreed with Sora beforehand that they didn’t have to treat this like a date to keep the pressure off between them.

“You look amazing, Sora,” Taichi blurted.

“Well, thank you,” Sora said, taking her hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. Her face began to match the color of her yukata. “You look nice, too.”

Taichi wondered if that was too cheesy to say. So much for embarrassing himself.

“Tell me I look amazing, too, Taichi,” added Takeru with a grin. Hikari giggled as she attached herself linking her arm through the hook of his elbow.

Taichi grinned. “You clean up nicely, Takeru,” he said, suddenly recognizing how close Takeru and Hikari were to each other.

“We’ll be heading off,” Hikari said with a wink. “We don’t want to intrude. Maybe we can meet up around here when the night is over?”

“Sounds good,” said Sora. “You two have fun!”

“Don’t worry,” Takeru added as he looked to Taichi. “I’ll keep an eye on Hikari.”

Takeru stole a kiss from Hikari before putting his arm around her waist as they walked away. Taichi couldn’t help but watch, and he wondered if it was actually Takeru that he needed to keep an eye on.

“Taichi.” Sora gently took hold of his forearm. “They’ll be fine. Don’t worry about them. We’re here to enjoy ourselves, right?”

Realizing this, Taichi let out a sigh and relaxed his shoulders. “You’re right.” he said, and his worries seemed to disappear when his eyes met hers and they exchanged a smile.

The two then entered the festival side-by-side observing the rows of stands on either side that sold food and various items, and some that hosted mini-games. 

“Let’s get some takoyaki at the first stand we see,” Sora said as they walked through.

“Heck yeah!” Taichi replied just as his eyes landed on a mini-game stand a few yards in front of them. “...I have an idea.”

Sora stopped and looked at the stand he was looking toward, reading the sign, “Kingyo!” She looked to Taichi with a knowing stare. “Loser pays for the takoyaki?”

Taichi grinned. “Let’s do it.”

However, both of them ended up being the loser. They each made two attempts at scooping for a goldfish, all attempts which ended with broken pois and fish squiggling back into the mini pool. Taichi noticed a few other people playing, however, and noticed how easily the paper poi ripped no matter how delicate they tried to be.

“Hey-!” Taichi began with annoyance, but Sora immediately grabbed him and walked him away from the stand.

“It’s not worth it, Taichi,” she said with her expression just as irritated. “Either way, that was a waste of yen, wasn’t it?” 

Taichi knew he didn’t want this to sour the rest of their night, so he figured he would try to lighten the mood.

“Yeah… and here I was thinking that you were a master of fishing, Sora.”

She smacked his shoulder as he laughed. “Meanie.”

“Anyway, where to next?”

Suddenly, a loud gasp was heard nearby, followed by a familiar voice.

“Hey! It’s Taichi!”

As both Taichi and Sora turned their heads, they saw Daisuke quickly approaching, with Miyako, Iori, and Ken following behind. Miyako gasped as well, and both Daisuke and Miyako walked around them, staring at their yukatas in adoration.

Taichi should’ve expected an interruption like this given the popularity of end-of-summer festivals like this one.

“Wow, Taichi!” Daisuke exclaimed. “You look really cool in that-”

“Sora!” Miyako chimed in. “You look like a goddess! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe-”

“Calm down, you two!” Sora said, laughing nervously and waving her hands in front of her. “There are other people wearing these, too!”

Miyako pouted. “I should’ve worn one! I would’ve looked way nicer on this date with Ken.”

“Speaking of,” Iori added with a tempered reaction. “I think we should leave these two alone. Pardon the intrusion, Sora, Taichi.”

“Wha-?”

Daisuke was cut off by Ken pushing him in the other direction as his cheeks flushed, most likely from hearing Miyako’s comment. His other hand grabbed hold of Miyako’s elbow, pulling her away with a look on her face that was as confused as Daisuke’s. Iori was the last to follow behind them, but not before bowing politely at Sora and Taichi.

“I’ve always liked Iori,” Taichi said with relief. 

“It was nice to see them, though,” Sora replied. “Come on - let’s find another game I can beat you in.”

“You’re on, Takenouchi.”

They found a stand with a ring toss game which both of them were eager to play. Tossing a ring at the same time, Sora and Taichi watched their own rings land around its own toy, making their game a tie.

“I got you a present,” Sora said with a smile and holding up a mini cartoon-ish dinosaur, orange in color.

“No way. I got this for you!” Taichi raised his palm to show the toy of a bright pink bird sitting on top of it.

The two of them laughed as they swapped their presents to oogle at for a few moments; then, Sora put them in her small bag. Taichi was happy to see Sora smile. He knew that she was having a good time, and he hoped that it would continue as the night went on.

As they continued to walk, Taichi noticed more people walking alongside them. The festival was getting busier, and he sensed that even Sora knew it when he felt her hand touch his forearm once again.

“Don’t worry!” Taichi said with a smile. “I’ll make sure we don’t lose each other!”

“Maybe I’m more worried about you losing me,” she teased.

He laughed to himself, not mentioning his heart beating as she held onto him.

However, he nearly jumped in fright as he felt a hand touch his other forearm.

“Hey there, handsome!” Mimi said with a wink and a grin.

“Ah! Hey Mimi!” Sora said cheerfully. 

“I wanted to see what you guys were up to, and I figured that Jou and I would join you!”

Oh no, Taichi thought.

“Well, Mimi…” Sora began. Taichi could tell that she didn’t have the heart to tell Mimi otherwise.

“It’ll only be for a little bit!” added Jou who peered over from Mimi’s side with a sheepish smile. “Right, Meems?”

Taichi’s eyes darted over to Jou who mouthed a ‘Sorry!’ to him.

“Well, we were thinking about getting takoyaki,” said Sora. “Why don’t we all get some together?”

“Let’s do that!” Jou chimed in “My treat?”

“Oh, isn’t Jou such a sweetheart?” Mimi said cheerfully.

“He’s quite the charmer!” said Taichi, knowing that Jou was doing this out of pity, especially after being on the receiving end of Taichi’s death stare.

But Mimi had already let go of Taichi’s arm and stopped walking, making the rest of them stop with her.

“I see cotton candy! I totally want some!”

“Then, I’ll go buy some for you,” Jou said, gently pulling Mimi towards the stall and away from Taichi and Sora.

Mimi cupped her hand on Jou’s cheek. “You’re such a sweetheart…”

“Wouldn’t you know it,” Sora said just as Jou and Mimi left. “A takoyaki stall.”

“Ah…” Taichi turned to look and saw that there was no line in front of it. He realized at that point that the competition between him and Sora was at a draw, so he decided to change the rule of the game. “How about some takoyaki on me?”

“But, Taichi, neither of us are winning,” Sora said, which Taichi knew that she would point out.

“Then, we’ll just say that you’re the winner here.”

“Aww…” Sora began in a playful tone, mimicking Mimi as she held her palm to Taichi’s cheek. “...you’re such a sweetheart…”

The amusement and laughter only lasted a few moments, as Sora’s face turned into a shade of pink; and she must have removed her hand when she felt Taichi’s face warming up in turn.

“I’ll- be right back!” Taichi said, knowing that him being flustered was obvious. 

There had already been one person ahead of Taichi when he approached the food stall. Taichi stood behind him and noticed he was wearing a green yukata, although it might have fit loosely for someone his size. The guy’s hair was short, spiky and blond under the straw hat that he wore, and Taichi wondered why he looked so familiar. 

“One takoyaki, please,” the guy said in an apparently hushed voice, but Taichi was able to recognize that voice from anywhere.

“Yamato?!” Taichi said, making the guy jump in his spot.

He turned to Taichi, staring daggers and holding a finger to his lips. “Not so loud!” he hissed.

“What’s the-?!” Taichi caught himself nearly yelling, then he lowered his voice. “What’s the deal?!”

“Next, please!” yelled the stall attendant, and Yamato stood to the side with Sora while Taichi put in two orders. When he met with the two of them, Yamato hunched over as though he was hiding himself with Taichi and Sora.

“I just wanted to check out the festival on my own without getting noticed, you know?” Yamato explained. “Some people have already been staring at me longer than they should but I don’t think they recognize me.”

“People are going to stare at you if you’re wearing that hat after the sun goes down, anyway,” Taichi said, feeling the need to point that out.

“Right now, I’d rather be the weird kid with the hat than be Yamato of ‘Knife of Day’.”

The takoyaki orders were called, and Yamato and Taichi got theirs, with Taichi handing one to Sora. But just as that happened, a loud scream nearby reached their ears.

“Aahh!! You were right! That is Yamato! The lead singer of ‘Knife of Day’!”

As more heads turned and the squeals of excitement grew louder, Taichi’s eyes widened and he turned his head to Yamato.

“You probably should not have said that so loud…” Sora added.

“Gotta run,” Yamato said, just as he darted in the direction in which the majority of the crowd was travelling.

It amazed Taichi how many people recognized Yamato. Many of the girls in yukatas began to run in Yamato’s direction, some of them running in their geta and tripping over themselves.

Sora gasped as a few girls ran past. As she turned to dodge out of their way, she had slipped on her own geta and started to tumble backward.

“Sora, look out-!”

Taichi caught Sora just before she toppled to the ground, his back against the crowd while he felt more people whiz by. The moment he felt it was safe, he helped Sora stand.

“You alright?” he asked, searching her face for any sign of trouble.

“Well, our friends didn’t make it…” Sora frowned at the dinosaur and bird toys that she took out of her bag; they were now in pieces of pink and orange. She also looked down at the ground where her takoyaki had fallen. “I really wanted that.”

Taichi held his up and smiled. “Here, we can share mine-”

Startled by the sudden push at his back as one more crazed fan zoomed past, his hand was forced open, letting his takoyaki drop right next to Sora’s.

“Oy.”

Turning to the stall, Taichi saw the attendant hold up a pair of takoyaki orders and gestured to him to take them.

“Oh, no, sir- that’s okay! You don’t have to do that-”

The attendant pointed into the crowd, where Taichi and Sora found Mimi happily strolling with her cotton candy, and Jou giving them a thumbs up, quickly followed by the gesture to zip their mouths shut.

“Good ol’ reliable Jou,” said Sora, who grabbed the orders and handed one to Taichi.

He couldn’t help but laugh along with her. 

As the night went on, they continued their walk down the festival rows. But Taichi noticed that Sora declined to do anything else. She didn’t want to get any more food, nor did she want to play any game, or even to try their hand at another fish scooping game. He was wondering if she was no longer having fun, if she even had any from the start.

“Can we get out of this crowd?” she asked.

“Okay.” Taichi looked around, realizing that they were both in the middle of a sea of people going in every direction. Looking ahead, he found a clearing where they could make their escape. “Hold onto me.”

Taichi led the way, holding her hand tightly as they weaved through the crowd together. They passed by people cheering as a young boy caught three goldfish at one stall; a couple winning a ticket for two free bowls of ramen from pulling a string from a senbonhiki stall; and a group of friends decided to pop confetti into the crowd, showering bits of colorful paper all over.

Soon, the lively noises were far away, and Taichi and Sora found themselves on a grassy hillside where the moon slowly rose over a large lake. Right behind them was a bridge where people were already lining up against the guardrails.

“I guess we found a great spot,” Sora said. “Let’s find a place to sit.”

She chose the spot to lay her blanket for the two of them to sit, and she set her geta off to the side. 

“Sorry about that back there. I just couldn’t hear myself think.”

“Oh, was that what it was?” Taichi asked. “I was wondering if you were getting bored.”

Sora giggled. “I’m having a lot of fun with you, Taichi. Despite all the mishaps.”

Taichi turned to her, watching her laugh as her eyes glistened under the glow of the festival lights. There was a pause in her laughter, which confused him, even as she took her hand to his hair.

“Looks like confetti is your consolation prize for the night, Yagami” she said, gently picking out the colorful pieces. “At least you got something.”

Taichi caught sight of a brightly colored piece in a lock of her hair.

“Hey, looks like you win, too,” he said, reaching for it.

Just then, the sky lit up with a flash and a pop. The fireworks show had begun, but neither of them took their eyes from one another.

“What did I win?” she asked.

“If I said it was a kiss from me… would you call that a consolation?”

It was a bold question that even he didn’t think he had the courage to say.

But in response, she brought his palm against her cheek. The flashes of light above them only made her eyes sparkle as she smiled with radiance.

“I’d say that it’s the best prize of all.”

With his heart pounding in his ears, Taichi leaned forward until his lips met hers. His emotions were as bright and colorful as the skies above when she kissed him back. 

Taichi almost felt silly to worry about their first date, but even after things didn’t go as expected, he couldn’t think of anything better than experiencing it all with her.

.

.

.

.

~*~*~*~*~

Terms mentioned:

yukata (summer kimono); obi - sash that wraps around the yukata and can be tied in a knot, including tachiya-style; geta - traditional sandals worn with yukata... Poor Sora’s feet.

takoyaki - appetizer made with octopus. I really want some right now..

Kingyo [sukui] - fish-scooping game, using poi (a tool with thin washi paper) to catch the fish. There are other sukui-type games at festivals, too!

Senbonhiki - a lottery type game where you pull a string that guarantees you a prize (and the prizes vary)

[astarlightmonbebe]

2020 Creator Wrap

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

tagged by @eponinemylove (dkskss i kept forgetting about this whoops)

these dreams, like ashes float away - aka the modern mdzs retelling except not really, with a side of mystery and self indulgent characterization and canon bashing (i love to bash canon with a frying pan. any canon at all). okay technically i only finished posting this fic in early 2020, BUT it’s still the longest thing i’ve ever written and yes, maybe it is a mess of a fic/plot that really demonstrates my stress level when i planned it out and wrote it, with so much whump and bias (yes i was mad at some characters, but so what). anyways, so maybe it is a mess but whenever i actually reread it i think that it is pretty good, and yeah, i’m proud of it.

in the shadow of a flame - the atla retelling, except the main characters are the fire nation gang, with ty lee as the avatar, zuko and azula as her companions, featuring yue as a waterbender and mai as an earth/metalbender. perhaps i have not actually updated or written on this since the end of october (rip!) but i am actually pretty proud of it and i definitely plan to try and complete it eventually. also this fic has had a pretty good amount of growth (likely due to some popular fanart for it), which makes me happy to see.

this mai edit set - 2020 was the year i actually started learning how to use photopea, and granted i haven’t made that many edits, but this one is one of my faves, even if it isn’t my most popular.

this ty lee edit set - same as above, basically, except i really love these ones. like the aesthetic, the face claim? perfection!

a tie between your touch burns & falling peach blossoms - the one shots i published on ao3 this year! the first is something i literally wrote at midnight in one go; focusing on the inherent homoeroticism of rivals (and fighting with one another) for dance of the phoenix, and the second is a lan zhan centric reincarnation au mixed with some chinese mythology, which i wrote in a day (instead of doing online school work because, you know). 

honorable mentions:

my entire star edits tag for 2020 (there’s like 17 i think? which isn’t a lot, but also they are all dear to me so)

i have some slytherin centric fics from where i fell back into harry potter over the summer, and most of them are extreme fanon, but hey, i like them.

bottom of the deep blue sea cql fmv on youtube. tbh i haven’t vidded since the summer, even though i have ideas again, and the ones i made this year are nowhere near as satisfying as the ones i did in 2019, but this one was pretty good (despite some mistakes that i noticed too late to fix lol i cry).

this meta on the end of cql (specifically when lxc stabs jgy and a look in on nhs) because i like how i worded it, even if it isn’t the longest cql meta i have, anyways i just have a lot of thoughts about nhs and the full circle, cycles in the cql, etc...my brain is getting distracted just thinking of it again. i had a lot of good thoughts about cql this year (half of which are still in my drafts or docs).

a qin su (+ wen qing) character study where she and wq are ghosts stuck in koi tower. this one i’m still writing, but ideally it will be posted as a one shot before the year is out. i just haven’t finished it yet, so it’s not on the list ahah.

cql canon divergence fic which is really only a set of ideas and scenes in my head, but i really do what to plan it out more fully and write it one day (ideally in the near future), but basically it’s canon divergence where wwx doesn’t rescue jiang cheng from lotus pier and the golden core transfer  never happens. 

i’ll tag @theserendipityofjimin @etherealjjong @emirablights @curlykytta & anyone else who wants to do this !! (sorry if any of you have done this already xoxo)

[you-are-my-neverland]

so. it’s finally time to talk about [my] nano.

i’ve kept my nano project pretty under wraps so far, mostly because it’s been out of my hands. i wasn’t actually planning on doing a for real for real nano; instead, i thought i would dedicate some time to my fanfic (spoiler alert, but i haven’t yet) or work on finishing up revising fairbone (spoiler alert: i did revise one chapter, but i still have like half of it left to go and a nov 30 deadline...rip). if that didn’t work, i thought i would pick a wip i started over the summer or one i had half developed (let’s just say the ideas note i have really boomed over the summer and like...yeah). in conclusion, there were many wips ready for me to work on them, including ash heart, which i really want to write but haven’t figured out how to.

instead i started a new wip.

well, it’s not necessarily new, persay. it’s an idea i’ve had stewing since like late september/early october and planned out a good portion of. however, deciding to start it was a last minute decision - and by last decision, i mean that on october 31st i finished developing the barebones of character development and basic plot lol and then gave it a go. it’s honestly been going crazy well. as of today (november 9th), i just hit 21.2k words. i’m hopeful about this year, while also not wanting to jinx stuff, but like...wow. but writing is has made me realize that, wow, this book is going to be crazy long probably...like i’m 21k words in and we’re still like in the exposition idk what’s going on. but hey, i finished planning out the rest of the basic plot for it today!!!

right. onto the wip details.

honestly, the only reason i haven’t introduced this wip is because a) i want actual stuff done on it and like a proven commitment, because i feel like too often i introduce wips i don’t actually go anywhere with and i hate it, b) i don’t have a set title and c) i actually have no idea how to summarize this.

the novel i’m working on right now is the first of a projected trilogy. i say projected because i have a vague idea that it belongs to a trilogy, but like not a lot of plot except some vaguely connected ideas that should happen in the future. in it, i used a lot of characters from these violent ends, which i tried to write for camp april 2020, but like just their basic barebones; i changed a lot to fit the story, of course. 

not to sound nerdy, but it is like....harry potter inspired, but ONLY in the magical boarding school sense. of course, right now all i have is magical boarding school shenanigans, which i don’t really like because i feel like it unfairly sets the book up as like fun magical stuff when it’s really about murder & politics & student activism (+ a lot of other things ending in -ism). the whole activism part came from watching the trial of the chicago 7 and i was like, bingo, this is what this story needs. 

kay but ANYWAYS. onto the story. like i said, i can’t really summarize it, but there are lots of themes of classism, feminism, the affect on youth and youth’s effect, manipulative adults, revolution, terrorism, sibling dynamics and found family vibes, like all that stuff...packaged into a magical boarding school off the coast of maine setting...recipe for disaster!

mainly i’ve been writing in ophelia’s pov, because she’s my main girl and she’s problematic, but also she’s trying her best and just having a little difficulty fitting in. some other main characters are her twin brother, sebastian, and two other boys, asriel and vincent, who have an initially animistic relationship with ophelia (& kind of each other?) but it’s like enemies to friends (to lovers?).

anyways. here are some carefully curated excerpts below the cut:

i. vincent and asriel meet on a train (ch. 1)

The boy pursed his lips together. “It’s unusual,” he said, finally. “That’s all.” But he was looking at Vincent as if he was noticing him, which meant he was lying, or at least withholding the truth about something. He added, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Do you mean geographically?” Vincent replied, raising an eyebrow. “Because I’m from New York.”

A small glimmer of a smile appeared on the boy’s lips, though it vanished as quickly as it had come. “From the Magical World,” he clarified. 

“What gives it away?” Vincent asked sarcastically, waving a hand across his body. “My impeccable taste?”

“Among other things,” the boy said.

ii. sebastian and ophelia discuss grief on a ferry (ch.2 )

“You and mom talked?” Ophelia asked, surprised. She hadn’t exactly been keeping track of them, but she was sure she and Sebastian had spent much of the day together, as they were wont to do.

Sebastian looked at the floor. “Yeah,” he answered, hoarsely. “At least she wants to talk about Des. Dad doesn’t, and neither do you.”

Ophelia sighed, wondering why, today of all days, her sister was haunting them. Maybe it was because there should have been three people heading to Rijevduct, instead of two. Maybe Mother Magic was reminded of the loss of one of her own. 

“I’ve let her go,” she said. “You should too. We have too much of our lives ahead of us to mourn Desdemona forever.”

“I don’t mourn,” Sebastian said, words uncharacteristically sharp. “But I do grieve.”

“Isn’t that basically the same thing,” Ophelia mumbled, closing her eyes and feeling the press of a headache behind them. 

“Sorrow,” Sebastian said, the word a soft shudder. “And sad endings.”

“What?” 

“That’s what makes a good tragedy,” Sebastian answered. “I read it in a book.”

iii. headmistress alexeyev gives a speech (ch. 2)

“Eight years ago, seventy two students were slaughtered here. Some died on the very spot where you now stand today.” Ophelia glanced down at the floor, seeing the motion repeated instinctively around her as well. She looked over at Sebastian, who had closed his eyes instead, a pale flush meeting the faint color in his cheeks. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, tennis shoes scraping against stone as he toed them against the floor, as if he was shaking something only visible to him off.

“It was a tragedy,” Headmistress Alexeyev continued. “I say this because it is the truth. It was a tragedy, and not one that should never have happened.” She inhaled; Ophelia saw her chest rise, shoulders with it, in a sharp motion before she exhaled, body rearranging itself into poise once more. “I speak of this to tell you to assure you that Rijevduct is safe. I know there have been continuous doubts over the security of this school since that day eight years ago. I cannot, of course, guarantee that you will not come to any harm here. I cannot tell you that Rijevduct is the safe haven you were taught it was growing up; events have already proved that it is, in fact, not as impenetrable as one might think.”

Ophelia frowned, confused as to the line of reasoning. She had thought the whole point of the year of transition was to make sure that Rijevduct was infinitely more safer than it had been—and they had all been under the assumption that Rijevduct was virtually impenetrable until the massacre, which had led to the heightened security measures they saw today.

“I can, however, promise you that I, and everyone here today, will do anything in their power to keep you safe,” the Headmistress said. Next to Ophelia, Briar bowed her head, lowering her eyes and swallowing, the action almost a convulsion of her throat and mouth. Ophelia brushed her hand, lightly, in question, and the other girl just shook her head, looking away purposefully, so that Ophelia lost sight of her face and her sad eyes.

“These next three years will be far from easy. Gone are the sheltered lives where your parents could kiss your injuries goodbye, or sing you to sleep at night. Rijevduct is far from the cold, real world, but it is close enough when it comes to not asking you what you want first. This is an adjustment period. This is learning how to survive—and I will tell you this; surviving means many different things to many different people. You will have to decide on your own what this will mean for you, and how you will apply what you are taught here to your futures. Be wise. Be proud. Be humble. Cry. Laugh. Live. As your Headmistress, I, along with your professors, will be here throughout your time.” She raised her glass, “To the worthy,” and then drank, turning and walking back to her seat, which she lowered herself into gracefully.

iv. sebastian pov! (ch. 3)

There was a dead girl in Sebastian’s first period Magical Theory class. She was sitting diagonal from him, on the Glass side of the classroom, in an empty chair, staring straight ahead at the chalkboard. Sebastian tried not to look at her too obviously, his eyes straying from the open book in front of him to her cautiously, beneath the sleeve of his sweater.

She was sitting blankly in the chair, scraping her shoes against the ground, though they could not leave any scuff marks. Though she was the same faded shades most girls were, Sebastian could make out her pleated pale blue plaid skirt, which brushed around her knees, and the stained white blouse that might have once been spotless, but had been marred forever by the circumstances surrounding her death—objectively, that was to say, with blood. Her dark brown hair fell into loose curls around her shoulders, little silver studs glinting dimly, unable to catch the light. Her knee high socks now pooled around her calves and ankles, revealing a rotting bandaid on one of her knees. One of her tennis shoes was peeling at the toes, looking as if it had been ripped apart. 

Her fingernails had all been pulled off. Sebastian was good at analyzing ghosts by this point; he recognized the bloody flesh and bone of the nail bed. There was also blood matted across her head, trickling down her temple, with bruises covering her body; they peeked out from beneath the collar of her shirt, blackened across her cheekbones with a sunken quality in particular to one of her cheeks, as if the bone had begun to cave.

Subjectively, she was far from one of the worst that Sebastian had seen.