#so i am but my hearts still missing pieces i'd like to come closer to anyway. depsite all the paywalls

[actually-eldritch]

we want to resume our studying so. so so badly but the eating has to not just be good but consistent over a long period of time and i wish to scream. my brain is full of paywalls nobody warned me could happen. nobody warned me I could become too poor to think at all on a physical level because whilst my faMILY was abusive as shit growing up the conditions were still of a higher class so i developed a brain that had high demands and then started fueling it with not just poor but povertty resources . like im at high risk of being homeless in the next 6 months and i have a brain that puts me in saw traps and basically says "if you don't eat at an average of least 5 meals a day, approximately 3 hours apart, and keep this up for weeks at a time, you will not be awarded access to any of your incomplete but grandiose thought constructs, good fucking luck having a single useful thought because it's not built for your resources"

Nobody fucking warned me about how painful the class drop was. I suppose a lot of that was because they were completely inconsiderate about what the experience of children in higher classes might be. They'll remember that their daddy's are heartless monsters peddaling slavery, and then for some reasojn think that they'll give their riches to their kid no questions asked. What do you think happens when the money loving man has a child with undesireable identities and interests? they torture them and wipe them off the face of the fucking planet. you don't know about it because they don't fucking want you to know about it. have some godamned nuance.

[kitorin]

journal.

in which, itoshi rin's midnight writing exposes what he's kept concealed from you.

contents. itoshi rin x reader, 2.878 k words, fluff, angst (in the past), itoshi backstory spoilers (mixed with a few headcanons), 1st person rin pov for a bit (journal entry), regular highschool au

a/n. is this my best? no. but is it the best i have for today? yes. happy birthday to rin <3 after assignments are done i'll definitely rewrite this (i gave up on proofreading)

10 / 09 / 2023 : SUNDAY, 12:04 am - 3:21 am

Solitude has never been a foreigner.

In fact, he's quite a familiar individual, an old companion that never seems to leave.

Even before Nii chan left for Spain, solitude was still there for me. During class I wouldn't utter a word to anyone else unless necessary, and contrariwise for said classmates. People still spoke to me; just not to the extent that they'd know what my favourite foods were, or what I liked to watch in my free time, not even bothering with it. I've never been invited to hang out with anyone after school, or been to someone else's house (not that I particularly cared, I was just sure that I was the only one).

But I was okay with it. I didn't want, or need anyone else when Nii chan bought me ice blocks, giving me the bigger piece as we'd watch the sun's warm hues bleed into the sky; the saccharine iciness contrasting how warm is was to be swallowed by sunlight together. Dad took us fishing a lot, he's always been well acquainted with the sea, taking us to locations well populated by bream; my favourite. On our way home we'd harvest kelp (Nii chan likes it in rice, salted) and take photos together on our yacht, admiring how the sun greets the world farewell, sinking into the aquamarine. Mum makes amazing food, I'm constantly astonished at how she manages to memorise every preference, from my love for ochazuke to being able to pour the perfect amount of tea; the rice never becomes too soggy (even I can't pour the exact amount I like). Solitude was close to me, but my family were closer.

There's a lot I could say about them, they've done more than remember what I love and ensuring I was happy; I'm thankful they've delivered the right for me to be comforted, to have a shoulder to cry on, to be able to freely ramble on about whatever fascinated me.

I've always been happy, even if I'm alone outside of the walls I call home. Because whether I laughed my heart out or sobbed to the point I couldn't form a coherent sentence, I'd always come home running to my family. Nothing can beat dinner; where we all relish mum's food, ask each other about our days' and offer solace or advice when necessary.

I miss that. Terribly, to the point my heart aches.

I knew that Nii chan's departure to Europe (Spain, to be exact) would change a lot. I'd have to score without his guidance, walk home alone and buy my own popsicles. Dinner time would have one less soul to laugh with, and home would have one less to embrace.

I just never expected it to be painful change. I never predicted that his return would result in losing us entirely. I didn't think his homecoming would cause my immortal resentment towards the snow, or how my eyes prickle a bit at the mere thought of an ice block. I'd say it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, separation from him following it on the list of my worst experiences.

Solitude avoided me at home, but wasn't enough.

One time on the way home, I was overhearing the team's conversations (nothing particularly new really) and it was a discussion about the future. It was honestly surprising to find out only some of us intended to become soccer players; Nagi would rather stream or compete in professional gaming, Kurona wants to study marine biology in uni, and Yukimiya wants to give acting a go along with his modelling career. Even Isagi has a plan for if professional soccer isn't an option. He said he wanted to help others achieve their dreams if he fails to do so himself.

I remained silent as always, but had a lot more thoughts racing through my mind. Retreating to my room immediately that night, my first thought was to lie in bed, to neglect the clips I planned to analyse, to ignore muscle training for today and to slack off a bit. That's when I realized how sad the life I was living. I was sad because I was reminded of my reality.

I'm a mere myriad of distinguished achievements, though a hideous attempt of replicating genius Itoshi Sae. I'm a collection of formidable accomplishments, basking in the spotlight of glory and honour. The trophies and awards adorning my room prove it, standing tall with pride and flaunting my hard work.

That didn't mean anything. I had remained in a constant cycle of training, eating, and sleeping. My teammates were just as ambitious yet still worked hard on other things; Yukimiya enjoys modelling and Reo has a passion for economics, That must've been where I was lacking.

That's how I ended up writing again. It was an attempt to break out of this cyclical torture of constant training and sports.

I don't know how I remembered it, but I found my notebook from primary, all the stories messily scrawled yet legible. Scarlet adorned narratives birthed from child-like imagination, eulogising the prose, even though I almost flinched out of embarrassment.

Flipping through the pages, I had found the paragraph my teacher left me, insisting that I keep writing. Obviously, I never did. After getting into soccer I ignored everything school related, and would've found words on a page foolish anyways.

Many years later, I finally followed that advice.

The end result wasn't pretty. I paused a lot, struggled a lot, and almost gave up, a lot. It may have been hideous, but it was mine. A piece birthed from curiosity and memories from the past turned into another attempt. Another attempt morphed into extensive reading, I wanted to observe what was considered worthwhile or meaningless.

Writing rewove the early nights into late night reading, fully immersed in the author's thoughts translated into prose. Reading was the push to giving academics a go. Academics pulled me out of the endless cycle of soccer, there was more to life than training and diet regulation.

Books I can read. Words I can write. Exams I can study for and sports I can practice. Weights I can lift and competitions I can train for.

But to be loved, is so difficult.

It's not like an exam that you can study for and simply memorise the answers to. Or a match that has the security of a referee and reinforced rules. It's not something that can be guaranteed with a mentor.

People treat Isagi to his favourite whenever he has a bad day (he likes kintsuba). People advocate their favourite novels to Yukimiya and Chigiri, even going as far as memorising their preferences to curate their recommendations flawlessly. It must be nice, for someone to invest that sort of effort in you, even if it's simply remembering a hobby.

As my peers savoured the allure of love, estrangement and desolation constantly haunted me; a pest habituating the sleepless nights where I try to escape with a cup of coffee that's long gone cold.

It's lukewarm, praying for another's attention, care and love, to be hungry for one's time. I pathetically plead whoever manipulating my fate to provide me some sort of human connection. I shouldn't be so hopeful of others, yet I find myself dying of curiosity; what would it be like for someone to remember my birthday? Or tell me about the horror movie they adored?

I despise solitude's clinginess. But I hate how it makes me sob endlessly when no one watches.

I have myself. I have my thoughts which I've transcribed to oeuvre. I have the pile of books resting on my bedside table which sleep alongside with me. I have the trophies and awards I've won, I'll always appreciate my own talent and diligence, even if playing soccer brought me so much pain.

I think I'm somewhat pretty. I find my prominent eyelashes special to me, it's something unique to both me and Nii chan. My physique isn't too bad, either. I like the way my legs look, and my shoulders as I dry my hair.

I've always been proud of myself. I've always been enough and I always will be. Just not for others.

That's why I never expected my bond with solitude to be severed so easily. Especially because of y/n out of all people.

I still don't get how it happened. The oblivion to their presence became a peculiar first impression. An odd first meeting turned into abrupt yet regular greetings amidst hallways. Soon, I was sitting with them in every class, passing notes during tedious lessons and discussing our favourite media on the bus ride home.

Before I knew it, passionate rambles about books turned into watching movies together in my room. Whenever they greeted me their friendly wave was replaced with a tight hug, passing notes in class were accompanied with subtle kisses on the cheek.

Our relationship as friends was reimagined to lovers.

Something must've possessed me to blurt out the stupid crush I had on them, and I thank whatever drove me to do that. As awkward as I was it doesn't compare to the skip of my heartbeat when they accepted my feelings.

It's been almost a year since I met them, yet I still feel hot whenever they hold my hand, and flush red at every compliment they whisper. I still find myself stuttering sometimes whenever they're showing me a new outfit they've styled.

I love the way they smile, the creases of joy that adorn the outer corner of their eyes, and how they squint with glee and the sweet, melodious laughter that accompanies it; how breathless they sound whilst laughing. The expression they wear when deep in thought fascinates me, even if it's midway through an exam or them simply observing a video Bachira sent them. I adore their late night thoughts they text me at 3 am, the fatigue itching my eyes seem to evaporate when I notice their name on the notification. I treasure the notes we've scrawled on spare sheets of paper, they're still in between the pages of my books.

Even now, they're sleeping soundly in my bed, arms wrapped around the plush I bought them; I keep getting distracted by the sight of them so relaxed, chest rising up and down with each breath.

I would die for them. Because now I don't need to pretend to be invested on my phone to look less lonely. Now, I don't need to put my bag on the seat next to me to make it look like I sit alone by choice. I don't have to persuade the teacher to let me do group projects alone, or have to observe others with jealousy. Someone defends me from disparaging comments.

Because now, I'm not alone.

7:15 am

THE ENTRY COMES TO AN END, AND EMBARASSMENT DUSTS Rin's face a faint tint of pink. His eyes avoid contact with yours— as he waits for your input his latest piece.

"Well? What do you think?"

You're not sure where to start. You've always known about his strained relationship with his older brother, and how his friendship with his teammates wasn't the same in the beginning. But he never explained it in detail; you wouldn't've guessed that he had some sort of chionophobia, or even cried because he felt so secluded from others. The thought of him concealing his tears and pain from the rest of the world made your eyes prickle and sends your heart racing miserably.

"Doesn't matter—" He reaches for the notebook, closing it and tossing it onto his desk. "Forget it, you didn't see anything." He plops backwards again, head hitting the pillow and groaning as he covers his face with his forearm. "It was shit anyways, I'll rip it out and toss it later."

"It wasn't."

Rin stays silent.

You lie down, mimicking his current position and cup his cheeks with your hand. "You'll never be alone again—, I promise you that." Your voice falters ever so slightly, the thought of his pain makes you feel weak in the knees and sick to the stomach. "You're more than enough, you always have and always will be. You don't need anyone's validation to be beautiful, you never did."

Rin sighs, "I'm only like that because of you." Yet something seems to throb in his heart, the small but overpowering part of him that insists he requires another's approval to be important— someone finally proving that wrong.

"That's not true."

"Yes it is, our classmates still loathe me, so do people who barely see or speak to me." There was no lie in that; but it wasn't Rin's fault. "Yoichi and the others only spend time with me because of you."

"I was only the push for them to speak to you, you know they've always cared, they were just too nervous to speak to you. As competitive as he gets, Yoichi really admires you, to the point he gets so heated and ends up rambling about your skills." That's a secret that was supposed to remain in your private messages, but Yoichi doesn't need to know.

Satisfaction momentarily appears on Rin's face at the thought of his rival's great respect, though it doesn't last very long.

"He's my teammate so it's expected... everyone I speak to at school seems to have something against me, even our English teacher." The mistreatment at school is undeniable, it's not exactly bullying but there's no respect or human decency in how people behave towards him.

"Rin, love, you've done nothing wrong, hate isn't always rational. There will always be people who can't stand seeing others more successful, and that's not your fault."

"Really?" His eyes light up; despite having a sophisticated and cold demeanour all the time, he looks like a child again, hope dances in his wide eyes.

"Really." Your fingers take advantage of the opportunity and pinch his cheeks gently. "Don't listen to all those stupid rumours and assumptions, idiot. I'd fight anyone who tries to hurt you and win every time."

When your fingers let go he immediately kisses you, and it leaves you breathless; the way he pulls you in flexes his well toned biceps and his hand supports your head.

"Thank you." Rin whispers, pulling away a bit. "Thank you for appreciating me. Thank you for everything." It's a rare occurrence for him to sound so frail, same goes for the tremble of his bottom lip.

"Of course, I love you more than anything."

"I love you too." It's escorted by a peck on your nose, and a soft expression sculpted on his face.

Before Rin can throw a blanket over the two of you again, you interrupt.

"You shouldn't throw that entry away." You still haven't forgotten his initial intention with it. "I don't get why you think it's shit."

"It's rushed. And it's just me waffling on about my feelings and the past. There's no proofreading, and it's rushed. It's not even complete either."

"That's the whole point of writing, no? It's the expression of our words and thoughts." You reach towards his desk to pick up the notebook. "Not everything has to be written in one sitting, too."

Rin doesn't bother stopping you from looking through the notebook at this point. "It's still stupid. It's just that I had the urge and motivation to write in the dead of night."

"Well. I like it."

Rin's stoic expression crumbles, revealing the bashful side he keeps concealed from the world. "Then that's good enough for me." The red on his cheeks tell you that you've won the argument.

You turn back to the entry page, impressed with his barely legible yet pretty handwriting. "You should've slept instead."

"I don't get tired anyways." He's quickly betrayed by the yawn clawing out of his throat.

"Liar. Why would you stay up writing so late... your sleep is important you know?"

"Because you are love itself. I won't get a wink of sleep if it means I can think and write about you instead." Rin's pulls you in again, tossing his notebook elsewhere as he leans in. "I promise I'll finish that entry, no— I'll write a book about you one day."

"Writing this, writing that, sleep first dumbass." A smile tugs at your lips as you pull Rin back into the position you were cuddling in a few hours ago. Even though you were the one who slept a lot more, fatigue itched your eyes, and a yawn spilled out too.

In response, Rin tosses a blanket over the two of you, whispering good night as you begin to nod off a bit. He should rest too, he has training tomorrow and has to go to the gym as well.

The Itoshi Rin from before would've slept immediately. In fact, he wouldn't've stayed up in the first place, let alone date someone. But the Itoshi Rin now instead stares at you, admiring each and every feature of yours. You're his savior, the luminescent moon irradiating his world, guiding him away from the grasps of solitude and embracing him with love instead.

Tagging: @yuzurins (yumi you inspired this fic btw lol)

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[hypersonic04]

You Are In Love

This is the first of my Taylor-Swift-inspired Ross one shots! If anyone has a specific song in mind I am more than happy to write something based on it. I thought I'd start with one of my personal favourites. Enjoy!

Word Count: 1,291

No warnings, just sickly sweet fluff.

The snow is light as it falls onto the brushed material of my coat, like little pieces of confetti. Hand in hand, our footsteps are slow as we stroll through the streets of New York. It's 2AM, around three hours since the boys finished their sell out show at Madison Square Garden. It's still, peaceful, but there's a buzz surrounding us, the kind that makes you smile uncontrollably for no specific reason.

"Can you believe it?" I whisper, looking up at him.

The expression on his face is something that I wish I could bottle forever and wear on a chain around my neck. His eyes sparkle like a boy on Christmas morning, reflecting the city lights either side of us, his lips perpetually curved upwards in the most gentle of smiles. There's a sense of disbelief in the way he looks.

"No, I can't." He shakes his head with an airy laugh, squeezing my hand extra tight for a second. "I just keep thinking about when we first started the band. I wish someone could have told us that we were going to end up selling out MSG."

I hum in response, hooking my arm through his and holding his fleece-covered bicep tightly. He presses a kiss to the top of my head as we carry on towards our hotel. There's the kind of silence that only comes with snow - muffled, like you're in a bubble, or a snow globe.

"Look," He points as we near the hotel. "They've turned them all on now."

I smile when I follow the direction he's pointing in, spotting the Christmas lights we'd spoken about earlier. They weren't turned on when we got to the hotel earlier that day, but now they were brighter and more colourful than ever.

Without another word, he guides me in the direction of the Christmas tree, coming to a halt in front of it.

"Ross," I raise my eyebrows at him with a smile, "It's nearly 3 o'clock."

"And?" He holds me at my waist with one arm, the other holding my hand, gently starting to sway.

There's no music, just the gentle fall of snow and each other, and somehow, it's enough. He spins us around and our childish laughter pierces through the bubble that seems to have formed around us.

"I'm so proud of you." I say quietly, biting down on my bottom lip as I grin. His eyes meet mine and take in every detail of my face.

"Thank you." He nods affirmatively and I shake my head at his inability to take a compliment.

"Seriously," I smile, "I'm really, really proud of you. My heart feels like it could burst."

"I hope not. You could do with getting that looked at."

"Ross, I'm trying to be earnest." I giggle at his teasing, his face breaking into a smile as he pulls me impossibly closer. Our faces are inches apart, his dark eyes soft, fixed on my smiling lips.

"I love you." He says, meeting my eyes. "I'm really glad you were there tonight."

"And I love you. I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

We start to sway gently again, enjoying the peace of being alone after a day of being surrounded by people. It feels like the biggest comedown after a day of adrenaline and anticipation.

"We should go to bed." I say after a while, brushing my fingertips against the nape of his neck. He hums in response, before pressing his lips to mine. They're warm, despite being out in the cold, firm and gentle and... home.

We check back into our hotel, his hand in mine again like we might lose each other if we let go. It's quiet, and there's something so dystopian about it as we walk through the hallway.

"It feels like we're the only people in the world right now." I whisper as he slides our key card through the door handle.

"Wouldn't that be perfect, hm?" He smiles softly, opening the door for me and letting me through.

I laugh quietly as he collapses on the bed, sighing heavily. It's unbelievably late, both of us changing out of our clothes and Ross immediately getting into bed.

"I think this might be the most tired I've ever been." He calls to me from the bedroom as I take my make up off, stood in front of the mirror in only his t-shirt, my hair scraped up into a bun. I look tired, maybe the worst I've looked in a long time, but I'm the happiest. My face glows in a way that I'm not used to, the warm feeling in my stomach comforting.

He's got the covers pulled around him when I go back in, scrolling through his phone with a smile.

"What're you smiling at?" I grin as I make my way around the bed, plugging my phone into the charger and folding up some of our clothes. His eyes follow my every move as I do so.

"Just a text from my mum, she said she enjoyed the show. Our best one yet, apparently."

"I agree." I pull the covers back and get into bed beside him, the bed sheets cool on my bare legs but his warm, coarse fingertips soon warming me up, tracing them up and down my thigh as I snuggle into him.

I lie on my side and he turns to do the same, facing me.

"It doesn't feel real." He says quietly. The darkness of the room makes it difficult to make out his features, but the bars of moonlight peeking through the curtains cast shadows over his face, his eyes still as sparkly as ever. I would know those eyes out of a million.

"I know." I smile, drawing circles on the forearm he has around my waist now.

"I know I'll think about this for the rest of my life. I don't think I've ever been this happy."

I swallow heavily as he speaks, taking in the way his tired eyes crease when he smiles, the vibrations of his low voice felt throughout my body.

"But we could be in the middle of nowhere, and we could have performed to a crowd of three people, and I'd still feel this happy." he brushes a curl out of my face. "Because at the end of the day, I'd still be falling asleep with you, and waking up with you the next day."

I breathe deeply as I listen to him, wondering how I ever got so lucky.

"As long as I get to do that for the rest of my life, I'm happy."

"And you will, forever and ever." I hold his hand tightly under the duvet. "You never need to doubt that. We'll be telling our babies about tonight." He laughs at that, the rumble of his laughter making me grin.

"Come on, we need to sleep." I remind him. "I love you."

Leaning over, I press a kiss to his soft lips, feeling him sigh beneath me.

"And I love you."

I fall asleep in seconds, the adrenaline of the day taking it out of me. The feeling of the mattress shifting is what wakes me up around an hour later.

"Sorry, did I wake you up? Sorry, darlin'." He frets, wincing as I rub my eyes and check the alarm clock.

"No, it's okay. Are you okay?" I ask, meeting his gaze. He looks wide awake still, it's clear he hasn't slept a wink.

"I just..." he looks up at the ceiling for a second. "You're my best friend."

"Your best friend?"

"Yeah." He looks at me, sincerity scattered through every inch of his expression. "You're the love of my life, you know that, but... you're my best friend."

I smile at him, my eyes lingering over his every feature.

"You're my best friend, too."

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

AR team cheering their S/O up

(GFL) M4A1, ST AR-15, M4 SOPMOD II, and M16A1 cheering up their S/O

Looks like it's time for another T-DOLL FUN FACT!

TDFF 4: T-Dolls can come back even after their body is destroyed, as long as their core is recovered. The Anti-Rain Team are some of the only exceptions. They will permanently die. Also, M16A1's part...If you know, you know...

M4 walked out of the repair bay, sighing to herself.

This mission had too many close calls, but thankfully, everyone got out safely and all their objectives were completed. That's all she could really ask for.

(S/O) "M4!"

Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw S/O running down the hallway towards her. The distraught on their face seemed to fade as soon as they saw her.

(S/O) "I-I heard what happened during the mission..."

M4 solemnly nodded.

(M4A1) "Sangvis got the jump on us. It appears the information given to us was faulty."

(S/O) "Faulty? You almost died, I'd think that's more than faulty!"

S/O's voice quivered, which would've ached her heart, if she had a physical one anyway.

Pushing her equipment towards her back, she grabbed her S/O's hand and held it tightly, reassuring them.

(M4A1) "It'll take a lot more than that to do us in. Don't worry."

(S/O) "I-I'm sorry, I know I'm being selfish but...please. I don't want you to...to-"

She rested her forehead against theirs, closing her eyes, as her hand moved to the back of their head and pressed it closer to her.

(M4A1) "I know, S/O...I know."

The two said nothing as they stood together in silence in the hallway. M4 pulled back as she gave them a gentle kiss on their cheek.

(M4A1) "I'm quite selfish myself, you know. I only go out there to make sure everyone here at Griffin will be safe. You included."

S/O gave her a sad smile as their hand refused to let go still.

(M4A1) "I have to go put my equipment up but...Come by my quarters later. We'll talk, okay?"

STAR dropped by S/O's quarters, readjusting her casual clothes to properly cover her shoulders.

She had just gotten back from a dangerous week long operation, no doubt S/O was worried sick.

And she was proven right when they opened the door and almost tackled her in a hug.

(S/O) "Thank god you're okay!"

(ST AR-15) "Heh, of course I am."

She gently pushed them off as she smiled back, S/O letting her inside.

(ST AR-15) "Sorry to worry you. I'll probably have to go out again later this week once the Commander gives the order."

(S/O) "No, don't apologize. It's just part of your mission after all."

STAR sat herself on their bed and motioned for them to sit next to her. She promptly gave them a hug from the side, putting her head on their shoulder.

(ST AR-15) "When it's over, I'll ask the Commander for some time off, just the two of us, okay?"

S/O put their hand over theirs and relaxed into them, being slowly comforted by their touch.

(S/O) "I...I think that'd be nice, STAR."

They said nothing and remained in their position for several minutes.

SOPMOD jumped excitedly into an unexpecting S/O, which they yelled in terror at first before realizing who had their arms around them.

(SOPMOD) "Miss me?"

(S/O) "SOPMOD, you're back!"

Her teeth were shining as she grinned, unashamedly putting her head into their neck.

(SOPMOD) "Come on, I'll treat you to the Cafe! After this mission I'll get one heck of a paycheck!"

S/O had almost no time to voice their worries as SOPMOD melted them away with her loving energy, almost bouncing up and down for them to get a move on.

However, she knew how scared S/O was ever since she left the base. This operation wasn't exactly going to be a smooth one. Many T-Dolls already had to go through extensive repairs.

But SOPMOD didn't mention her anxiety or S/O's. At least not right now.

Right now, they both needed each other.

The screen flashed with bits of static, M16's quizzical look taking up a majority of it.

(M16A1) "Uh...This thing on? Why the hell's it so staticy? How are machines like us walking around while I'm using a piece of sh....?!-"

ZRRRT!

The screen flashed again, this time with M16 lying back in a chair, waving hello.

(M16A1) "Yo, S/O! If you're getting this video, then your lovely girlfriend is out there kicking some ass right now, and won't be home for a while."

She was playfully moving her arms as she spoke, to give the message a dramatic flair with her smile. M16 almost fell off the chair a couple times as she caught herself without missing a beat.

(M16A1) "But! In this video, there's a little gift! What is it? Well, if you have it next to ya, get ready to open it in one...two...THREE!"

She suddenly flashed her hand, her ring finger showing a silver band with a yellow gem in the middle.

(M16A1) "TADAH! A ring from yours truly! I couldn't get an Oath Ring since, y'know, that's a little too passionate for just a video message. Plus, you should be giving me that anyway."

She laughed heartily before it trailed off, her voice getting softer.

(M16A1) "You're probably worried sick about me, and to be honest...I'm worried for you too. But, don't worry! This super badass isn't going anywhere, and...And she always has you in her heart...core, whatever, you know what I mean! Just make sure to have a bottle ready for me when I get back, alright S/O?"

(M4A1's Voice) "S/O, please do not allow 'Super Badass' to drink herself to death upon our return."

(M16A1) "What the-H-HEY! DON'T BE LISTENING IN, THIS IS PRIVATE STUFF HERE!"

She grumbled as her flustered expression turned to the screen again, reaching for the camera.

Before she turned it off, she sighed and gave a loving smile to the screen.

(M16A1) "...I love you, S/O. Cya in a bit."

...

S/O's fingers slowly traced the ring on their finger, the video ending making their room dim in brightness.

They said nothing as they wiped away a single tear from their eye.

(S/O) "Hah...T-Thank you, M16...I'll be waiting..."

...

M16 pushed back the white bangs from her eye, her pupil flickering as the video turned off.

(M16A1) "..."

She said nothing as her hand clenched, feeling the ring still there and standing up.

(M16A1) "...Wait for me, S/O."

M16 walked away from the ruins and disappeared into the darkness.

[esthersarahhh]

characters; Marco Bodt x gn!reader, past Jean Kirstein x gn!reader

summary; After Jean’s insensitive rejection of Y/n’s feelings, he starts wondering if he made the wrong choice.

word count; 1,4k (1463)

content warning; my constant switching between you and i 😿

notes; i am SO SO sorry for taking so long with updating 😭 school is really stressing me out!! Do you guys want a part 3? If yes, should it be Marco x reader, Jean x reader, both or something entirely else?

Also important! this is a part 2! so i recommend reading the first part before reading this one. you can find part 1 here

———————————————————————

After your not-so-successful confession to Jean, you’ve pretty much avoided him. It wasn’t all too hard the first few weeks, and since he was still head over heels about Mikasa, i think he hardly noticed.

You’ve spent more time with the other cadets and made good friends with them. You’ve become closer to Marco than ever before. You also still shared the same bed together with Marco a lot. Not necessarily in a romantic way but not entirely un-romantic either.

Most boys in the dorm didn’t mind you there, in-fact they liked your presence, and luckily Commandant Shadis didn’t know because if he did God knows how many laps he’d have you run.

Tonight was a night like every other. As you were walking to the boy dorm you noticed that Jean was walking before you. You hadn't talked to him since the whole '' confession '' thing, and you didn't feel like talking to him now. You just kept walking behind him, hoping he wouldn't hear you. He didn't and he went inside the dorm. The same dorm you were going to.

' Why am I suddenly caring if Jean is there or not? He's been in there while I was as well countless times before. ' You thought to yourself. Did you still miss him? Were you only so close with Marco to drive out any leftover feelings you had for Jean?

No. You couldn't think like that. What would Marco say? What would anyone say for that matter. All of your other friends whom you had told the story to said the same thing Marco said. That Jean is stupid and that you shouldn't try to even befriend him again.

But Jean was lonely too. After what he did both Marco and I had stopped talking to him. Me, because I obviously didn't want to talk to him, and Marco because he wanted to focus on me. Jean didn't have any friends exept for us, and seeing him alone in the lunch barracks broke my heart, one piece at a time.

You shaked off the thought you had, turned heel, and went back to your own dorm. You'd have to apologize to Marco later for not showing up like you promised.

_

You apologogized next morning, as you were eating breakfast in the barracks. Marco said he understood, that even though you hadn't thought about Jean for a while, that doesn't mean you never had feelings for him in the first place.

'' I suppose you're right. '' You said, taking another bite of food.

'' I always am. '' Marco replied which made you snort. Your eyes wandered the hall. You saw Mikasa, talking to Eren and Armin. You saw Sasha, stuffing her mouth with more food than she could chew, and Connie laughing at her. Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner were sitting with Mina, Thomas and Daz just talking and laughing together.

Jean was sitting alone in the fathest end of the hall. His food laid untouched on his plate as he just stared at the table before him. You suddenly felt a deep pit in your stomach as you watched him. He looked so alone. You turned to Marco, only to see him talking to Nac next to us. You figured he wouldn't notice if you slipped out for a minute.

So you did just that. You stood up and walked over to Jean's table. As you approached he looked up from his food and looked at you. You stood there, fidgeting with your fingers as you tried to think of what to say.

'' ...You looked alone so I thought I'd ask you to come sit at our table- '' You said but were cut of as he said '' I'm fine! You don't have to pretend to care about me. ''

Half of you wanted to scream at him and make a scene, the other half wanted to be polite to him. The polite half won. '' Well umm.. the offer is open. '' You said and as you were about to turn around and walk back, you turned around again. '' ..Please. '' You looked at him and he looked back at you. He picked up his plate and you frowned in defeat. He was leaving. You closed your eyes and let out a deep sigh. As you opened your eyes again Jean was standing infront of you with a confused look on his face. Then he started grinning.

'' Are you going to stand there with your eyes closed or are we going to sit over there? '' He said, still grinning. You let out a small chuckle and walked with him over to where you were previously sitting. Marco looked at you and Jean, and then put a welcoming smile on his face.

_

You and Jean were neutral after that. Well, you wouldn't call it neutral. You just said hi to each other when walking past each other, not much more than that. You did however have a conversation with Marco about him.

It was a few nights ago, you were both on the porch just looking at the stars when Marco suddenly said '' Why are you talking to him again? '' it sounded more like a statement than a question and he sounded the slightest bit jealous.

'' To who? Jean? '' You questioned, just to make sure. He nodded in response. '' Well he looked alone and it made me think of before i joined the cadets. I was also alone and no one would talk to me. The only company I had was my family. I didn't want Jean to feel the same lonelyness I did. ''

It was quiet after that. You looked at Marco but he looked away. You finally broke the silence by saying '' Are you mad at me? For talking to him again? '' He still wasn't looking at you but he shook his head no.

'' Then why aren't you saying anything..? '' You ask again. Marco turned his head to face you. He had tears in his eyes. You almost broke down right then and there. Seeing Marco cry was like the world was on fire. You leaned into him and put your head on his shoulder, whilst wrapping your arm around him. He took a few deep breaths and then said '' Do you still like him. '' He sounded like he was about to break out into sobs again.

'' No! Not at all. I.. I like someone else. '' His eyes glistened from the tears. You didn't want to say right out that it was him you liked, though it was pretty obvious that he liked you too. You looked into his eyes and he looked at you, then he leant in and kissed you. You kissed back but it didn't last as long as you would've liked. As you pulled apart you felt the presence of someone behind you.

Marco felt that feeling too and you both turned around, only to be met with Jean. You couldn't quite figure out what Jean was feeling from the expression on his face, but from the fact that he was holding flowers and a handwritten letter, you could tell it wasn't good.

'' Congrats. '' Jean said, unimpressed. He dropped the flowers and the letter, and turned around. He walked away. Not to the dorms, but to be somewhere alone. You picked up the letter and gave the flowers to Marco, so he could hold them while you read the letter.

'' Hi Darling Dearest Dear Y/n. I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I wanted to say this to you in person but Im afraid of what you will say so I decided to write this instead. I haven't been fair to you.

You liked me while I barely talked to you because I was so obsessed over Mikasa. I regret everday that I ignored you when you wanted to talk to me that day. You were still nice to me even after what I did. You invited me to sit with you and even though it might not seem like a grand gesture, it meant a lot to me. Im not asking you to forgive me, I just want you to know how sorry I am. Hopefully we can still be friends, and I would do anything for you to give me a second chance.

-Jean ''

You gave the letter to Marco and let him read it as well. After he read it you said '' I um.. need some time to think about this. Sorry I'll see you tomorrow. '' You mumbled as you walked away, back to the girl dorm.

What do you do now?

[rachoka]

Skipping the Pocky

Note: Happy happy late birthday to my dear @inkys-garden, I love you so much!! I'm sorry I'm late again with another gift but I hope you still like it <3 One more Chev fic never hurts hehe.

He figured he'd find her here.

Chevalier smiled to himself. It wasn't often that Ink actively avoided people, especially him, but when she did, he had to give her the credit of being impressively good at it. Her soft pink hair barely stood out from the sea of roses and petunias—and anyone else might mistake her for just another lovely rose in the garden—but she had to hide better than that to escape from Chevalier.

He approached her with his usual, graceful gait, thinking she'd take note of his presence, but walking closer, he understood she was much too endorsed in a book to pay attention to her surroundings. How very like her. In addition, there was a long biscuit stick absently hanging from her lips. Next to her on the bench sat an opened packet of the very same treats, and upon seeing it Chevalier put the pieces of the puzzle together.

“And here I was under the impression I married a selfless woman.”

Ink looked up, startled, to be met with Chevalier’s teasing gaze.

“Instead I find her hiding away with a romance novel and a case of foreign snacks without a word about missing lunch with her husband.”

He could see the words forming in her mind, her golden eyes squinting in thought as she created a believable excuse for her disappearance with practised ease. However, he was pleased to see that she knew better than to think trickery would work on him. Thus, Ink sighed deflatedly, hanging her head. “Not you too, Chev.”

“Hm, what do you mean?” He asked, feigning ignorance.

“Everyone's been begging me for this pocky ever since the delivery came this morning. First Luke and Yves, then Clavis and now you too. This is my last packet.”

Chevalier had thought as much. He'd seen all those pestering brothers of his carrying one as he'd combed through the castle looking for his wife. Out of the four packets of those foreign biscuits Ink had barely managed to get her hands on only one remained after she'd shared them out of the sheer, foolish kindness of her heart. Now, she was here in the gardens, sulking about the consequences of her actions, hiding from anyone who might persuade her to give up her final treats. On any other day this would make a valuable lesson, but right now Chevalier couldn't allow such a frown turn more sour on her beautiful face. She really had turned him soft, but he guessed he'd known this for a while as well.

“Hmph, you really think I'd take away the one thing that you've been talking about for days on end?” He said, inviting himself to sit down next to her.

Ink hummed, lowering the book. “Well, I suppose not.”

“Correct. I am after something far more valuable.”

“Ah, this novel I stole from your personal collection?”

Chevalier didn't bat an eye. “No, you can keep that too.” He placed the book aside, making room to close the gap between them. He loved the surprised look in her eyes, as though he hadn't spelled it out to her in the very beginning. “Do I need to give you a hint?”

Ink nibbled on her biscuit in thought until Chevalier ran out of patience. He took the snack from her and replaced it with his lips. She tasted sweet, like the creamy strawberry coating on the pocky, and he almost couldn't stop himself from wanting more. When he pulled back it was with a lick of his lips.

“Oh.” Ink blinked and she broke into a soft, dangerously infectious fit of giggles. “Oh!”

“I don't see how missing our lunch amuses you,” Chevalier said, still holding her. “You have a lot of catching up to do.”

Ink shook her head, her gaze having regained their warm glint. It was all he could ask for. “I meant that it makes me happy. I didn't think that would be the reason you'd come find me all the way here.”

“I don't care you if you share or keep those treats to yourself, but you'll have to forget about them for now. You know I won't tolerate you hiding away from me.” There were few things in the world Chevalier would let stand between their quality time, and his patience had already been eroded. Nevertheless, there were still pesky but necessary issues to attend to.

He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles gingerly. Then he let their eyes meet. “But first I'll ensure you are seen to a proper meal.”

“But Chev, one more kiss—” Ink whined as he pulled her up from the bench, already heading for the dining hall.

But Chevalier wasn't listening. He was too busy planning how to spend the rest of the day with her without any more interruptions.

[daydreamgoddess14]

Aspirations pt.1

Hopefully you can look past the rubbish title and summary enough to give this a go!

It started as me coming up with a 'one bed situation' but I've expanded it a little to probably 3-4 chapters in total.

I've only done a couple of very short pieces for this fandom so far so I'd love to know your thoughts! Be kind! 😘

Sydcarmy Masterlist

Full Masterlist

Sydney Adamu / Carmy Berzatto

Syd is 12 months deep in a crush, Carmy is 6 months into a relationship he doesn't want, The Bear is 4 months open and Nat is 2 months into motherhood....

~~~~~~~

Syd didn't know why she'd said yes. Nat had asked, and while her brain went to say 'no thanks', her heart saw the look of desperation on Natalie's face, and a 'yes, of course' popped out instead. Nat even had her minor guilt trip lined up. 

"... I mean, I haven't had any real adult company since the baby was born, and I just -"

"Nat, I said yes."

"For real?"

"Sure, why not. Wait - is Claire invited?"

"Oh god, no. Just us and Tiff."

"Richie's ex?" Nat nodded. 

"Yep. Just some drinks at home, so I'm around if I'm needed. Maybe a couple slices of Marcus's cake?"

"I'll bring you some food."

"You're an angel. Does Carm know you've been keeping my fridge stocked for the last 3 months?" Syd shrugged,

"If he does, he hasn't said anything." They sat in the closed restaurant, Nat feeding baby Mikey while Syd went through the books with her. Carmy was… late. "Where the fuck is he anyway?" Nat clipped her bra back into place and lifted the baby to her shoulder. Every Friday between lunch and dinner service, they did the books together.

"Good question." Syd murmured, eyes on her calculator. "We need to start putting some money aside for Thanksgiving and Christmas promos."

"On it. I need you guys to confirm the festive menu by the 15th, please. We go to print on the 19th, delivery by the end of the month ready to take bookings throughout October."

"Wow, you are still, like, smashing it." Syd says, impressed. 

"I gotta do something during those 3 am feeds other than shopping." She reasoned, heaving the baby over to her other shoulder. 

"Here," Syd stood and held out her hands so Nat could gratefully pass him over. She'd not been around too many babies and was terrified the first time she'd held him. Richie had ribbed her about it in the weeks prior - so much so that she hadn't actually held the baby in company other than Natalie. She rocked gently from side to side, hearing little Mikey's snores in her ear. Nat read through the books and the notes left by Syd and/or Carmy.

"Hey, did I tell you what Uncle Jimmy did?" Syd didn't stop her gentle movement but turned to face Natalie better,

"No?"

"So we each own 33%, right, and Jimmy had the 1% leftover? Well he's gifted it to Mikey. The baby bear is already earning."

"That's dope, I'm still gonna make him do the dishes as soon as he's old enough though. He's gotta earn that paycheck." Syd smiled down as Mikey's eyes drifted shut. 

*

"Hey, fuck, sorry I'm late." He pushed through the swing doors, stopping at the sight of Syd swaying with the baby in her arms. 

"Too late, Carm, we're fucking done now." Nat teased, "good job someone is pulling their weight around here. And giving my arms a break." 

"He's asleep, where'd you want him?"

"You've got the magic touch." Nat took him carefully and transferred him to the car seat. Carmy squatted down for a closer look, 

"I missed out."

"Shoulda been here in time," Nat warned, "I've got a night shift going if you're -"

"No. No thanks sis, I don't get enough sleep as it is."

"Makes two of us."

"Makes three of us." Syd laughed. Carmy kissed Mikey's forehead and stood to pull his sister into a hug while Syd knelt down to tuck the blanket around Mikey and brush a finger over his milk drunk cheeks. 

"I'll let you know when's good?" Nat confirmed to Syd with a hug before letting Carmy lift the heavy car seat and take it out to her car. "Bye Uncle Bear, bye Auntie Syd!" She singsongs. By the time Carmy has returned, Syd is making sure the paperwork is filed correctly and clearing the table they've used. 

"Coffee? Probably too cold now."

"Unlikely, no such thing." He takes the mug and finishes most of it in one go making her grimace. 

"That's gross."

"You ate doughnut off the floor." He counters, she has no argument. "You and Nat planning something?" 

"Just Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"We need a menu."

"We do. I have some potential dishes down but I gotta link them with the theme or some shit." He raises an eyebrow, "Nat's idea. I'm not naming dishes after reindeer or any bullshit like that." 

"Got it. Wanna work on it Monday?"

"You got time?"

"Always." This time, Syd looked incredulous. "I mean it." She nodded slowly, 

"Heard, Chef."

"What'd you make for them this week?" He asked, holding out his hands for the paperwork folder. Syd froze, "C’mon Syd, you think I don't know you've been batch cooking for Nat and Pete for months?" She breaks into a smile, 

"Just easy stuff, chilli, casserole."

"Let me know when you're makin' more and I'll do some as well."

"Oh, I got it under control. You're busy with… like, Claire and this place. I only have this place so…" She trailed off with a limp shrug. 

"Well, you don't have to do it either -" He tried to interject. 

"Nat's been good to me. She's the only other voice of sanity around here." At that, Carmy feigned a look of hurt which made Syd snort with laughter. "Do not - do not - try and claim otherwise!"

"And here I thought we were partners."

"We are. Which is why I can't complain to you about you." She grinned and Carmy returned it with ease. Over a year of working together, 4 months since The Bear had opened, and she'd finally gotten to a point where she only felt awkward approximately 60% of the time, which was a solid win. With time, communication between them had significantly improved. The only downsides currently were his time management when it came to Claire and the raging crush Sydney had developed on Carmy over the course of the last year. The crush was the main/only reason her awkwardness level remained so high. 

"You can, y'know. I want to know if there's something I need to do better. I told you, you gotta let me know if I'm fucking up." She caught her lower lip in her teeth. He was doing that thing again, standing frustratingly close and looking at her with those ocean eyes. 

"You need to stop being late. That's the second time Nat and I have had to go through the books alone, and there's stuff in there that you're closer to than us. I'm the shit, Carm, but I can't read your mind. No matter how hard I try." She jokes. He nods sincerely. 

"Heard. I'll do better, I promise." He paused, "when'd you start holding the baby anyway?"

"Literally the first time I didn't have you and Richie watching me like a hawk." She laughed, "If you'd been around, you'd know that I am his number one Auntie."

"That so?"

"I get all the smiles, all the giggles. Me and baby Mikey are like that -" she holds up her crossed fingers, "you can't compete with a love like ours." She teases.

"Nat likes you better too, s'ok maybe the Fak's will take me in. Or T."

"Dude, T would mother the shit outta you!" She exclaimed.

"Already does. You two gonna be OK tomorrow?"

"So you and Richie can play fucking hooky? Yeah, yeah, I remembered. We all good."

"Sure?"

"Yes, Chef."

"Syd?"

"Carm, babe, Tina and I will be fine. We have everyone else here, I got Nat on front of house, we're gonna smash it." He was about to call her out on calling him babe, but they'd finished clearing up just as everyone else started arriving for dinner service and chaos soon descended. The rest of the day passed without incident. The following morning, Syd and Tina had the crew prepping for a busy lunch service while Richie and Carmy flitted in and out of the kitchen, filling up the car for their catering event. Syd took her break outside while they finished off, 

"I'm gonna get some smokes." Richie called out, already halfway down the alley. Carmy moved towards Syd,

"If you ask one more time if I'm sure, I'm gonna give you a black eye." She warned. He held his hands up, 

"Just checking in."

"You've already done that. We'll be fine."

"I'll keep my phone on. You need anything, you'll call?"

"What're you gonna do from across town?"

"Yo, cousin!" Richie shouted from the sidewalk, "bring the car down." 

"Call me."

"Just fucking go, we're good." She hopped down from the pallets with the intention of pushing him as he continued to hesitate. 

"Carmen!" Richie bellowed again, turning to talk to Natalie who'd just arrived out front. 

"Festive menus Monday?" He asked, 

"Yes, Chef. Go!" He nodded once, took half a step closer and kissed her gently on the lips before turning and running to the car. He was pulling out onto the street before she'd had time to register the kiss at all. 

*

Two miles down the road, Carmy stopped at a red light and his brain reactivated. 

"Holy fucking shit." He muttered, staring straight ahead. 

"What'dya forget?" Richie asked, looking up from his phone. Carmy thought fast,

"Uhh napkins." Richie tsked,

"I picked em up you fucking dipshit." He laughed, shoving Carmy's shoulder. "Good job one of us knows what the fuck is goin on cuz. You gotta stop thinkin bout Clairebear all the time, man." Carmy barked a short laugh,

"Yeah, Claire." He agreed, still thinking about Syd's easy smile and soft lips. 

~~~~~~

[desceros]

I just gotta say- I usually don't like established relationship fics (Even if it's just like friends) because it always feels like you're... missing something. There's a detachment for me, usually, because I don't get to see how this relationship is formed. Not really. I miss those first glances, the awkward meetings, just all that fluff and yearning as the relationship develops that I guess my heart craves?

But you write in a way that includes that, like the scene in your latest piece where reader is laying on the couch, thinking of all the happy memories and such that have happened in that space. It's a very fine line between telling and showing that you dance immaculately, so it doesn't feel like exposition... because it really isn't? It fills that craving for seeing how the relationship is forming even without the events unfolding directly in front of my eyes. I don't know how else to explain it, just... it's good. It's really, really good. You did the same thing in Euclidean Line, if I remember correctly (God I'm really feeling the urge to reread that one), where there was... sort of a montage, for lack of a better word? When Donnie and reader (don't know what else to call them) were getting closer outside of their meet-ups. Usually I hate time-skips or the author explaining something that I'd really rather just read, but you do it in a way that makes it feel like you're not missing too much, there's still just a bit left to the imagination. I'm sure it's for time's sake/not wanting the fic to drag, something like that? But it's hard to come across an author that does it so well and I appreciate it so much. I swear, I need to start taking notes on the little subtleties of your writing because just. Ugh. I really want to be able to explain myself better it's just good!!

Can't wait to read literally whatever you put out next!! You're one of few authors where it doesn't matter what you're writing, I'll read it anyways. I really wasn't a huge fan of bayverse until I saw you writing the turtles (Among a few others) now I uh. Might have to go back and watch those movies again.

But eat food, drink water, and I hope your wrists are nice to you!! Mine have been sensitive lately so it's more on the forefront of my mind, I haven't seen you mention it so I've just been hoping things have been better on that side for you. I hope you can get some good sleep too, even when you're able to write through it I still kinda worry!! Like I know you're a fully capable adult but. So am I and insomnia is ass, so... yeah I just hope things go well for you!!

it's funny you should say that, as for the longest time, i Hated putting time skips in my writing. abhorred it. would do it as little as possible. because there's so much characterization you can squeeze out of the smallest details, right? like, when they wake up. what do they do? do they drink coffee? tea? how do they take their coffee? do they get dressed before or after breakfast?

but there's an amount of characterization that becomes... excessive. like, sure, the character feels more like an actual person because of this. but does it serve the fic? i balk at the traditional writing advice that "every sentence must progress the plot," because i love basking in seemingly unimportant moments; but i do think there's truth to a modified version of that thought. "every detail must serve the fic."

take symphony, for example. in the first chapter, i go into detail on what viola-chan includes in her apology bags for her neighbors. at first glance, it could seem like a small list of that doesn't really add anything to the character. it certainly doesn't add anything to the plot. and yet, you learn a lot of what she values, what things she sees as important. she has a hobby (two homemade cookies), she doesn't like pain (ibuprofen), she's comfortable financially (the gift card for coffee), she Will practice even though it's annoying to hear (the ear plugs), but she's also kind enough to bend those rules for extenuating circumstances (her phone number, so you can call and ask her to take a break "if you have a baby or something"). it's an efficient way to get across a lot of character development, even though it feels like an unnecessary detail.

learning to balance how much you can skip and how much you should include for your desired amount of characterization is something that comes with experience, and it's something that comes down to taste. as you noted, i like to include things from skips that make them seem Less like a skip, and more like things you didn't see but still know about. this works for established relationships, too. how did they get together? well, maybe that's not so important. but a little hint of it is enough to show that it's real, that it's an event that happened, even if you the reader don't explicitly see it. there are many people who would find my writing excessively detailed, which is fine, as i would find theirs excessively barren. as with most things in art, it's largely subjective.

anyway, too-long answer aside, so glad you're enjoying and thank you so much for your thoughtful message :D

[mslanna]

First Day of the Rest of Their Lives

Gentle, mushy softness for soppy hearts like mine. Chapter 28 of Be My Guest now up on AO3

Tav wakes and it is morning somewhere. They are buried under devil arm and wing, engulfed in the heavy musk of the night and soft overtones of cherry lingering. Their body hums content with satisfaction and exertion. A few crescent marks pulse on their skin, familiar and comforting. It is almost as if they never left.

Almost.

They are free. There is no contract binding their soul. Free to come and go as they please. Free to stay for however long they long to. Tav snuggles closer to Raphael, infernal heat washing over them.

The devil tightens his grip in return, nuzzling Tav's ear softly. "A penny for your thoughts."

"Cheapsake." Tav turns their head slightly to intercept his mouth. When they pull apart, they run their fingers through his hair. "Does your tight schedule allow for such delays?"

"I am Archdevil of Five Hells," he replies in mock offence. "I make my own schedule. People wait for me, not the other way round."

"Then let's make them wait." Tav pulls him against their comfortably sore body and Raphael follows back into a deep kiss.

Whoever has appointments waits for a long time indeed. Raphael has no hurry and indulges any of Tav's desires. He hums under the care of their hands on his horns. A comfort he missed dearly. When the human finishes, he turns around and places a soft kiss on their forehead.

"Find me when you are ready." His hands trail down their sides as his eyes rake over the thin red lines marking them clearly as his once again. He leaves and Tav notes that a slight swing remains in his tail.

Tav smiles to themself and looks around their retrieved home. They will have to return to Baldur's gate soon and explain their sudden disappearance to Karlach and Wyll. But first, their eyes settle on the huge tub, ready for a sweltering bath abounding with scented salts and luxurious oils.

They barely moved from the bed, when the door opens again, and Raphael strides in, tail dancing in agitation. "You have – visitors. I managed to sit them down in the Feast Hall, but they are unhappy and demand to see you. Now."

Tav's jaw drops. This is way faster than they expected. Any thought of a slothful bath is discarded unhappily. "Tell them I'll be there in five and a half minutes. I need to wash at least. Fuck. I was – doesn't matter. Bath's not going anywhere. Pleas ask them to leave you in once piece because I still need you."

Raphael raises a brow but Tav shoos him away, ready to speed-run a cleaning routine. After washing and brushing their teeth perfunctory, they grab one of their shirts that smells of disuse and dust. When they see the teeth marks on their throat, Tav hesitates for a moment, fingers feathering over the angry red crusts on their skin.

They shake it off. This is who they are and they will not be ashamed. If a devil can give up a soul, they can give up some of their dignity. Tav ends up running through the House of Hope, hair still damp to keep to their time. When they reach the Feast Hall, Tav runs into the disapproving stares of their friends like into a brick wall.

Still, their heart jumps at the sight of Karlach, Wyll and Astarion, lined up like birds on a branch at the table, plates laden with untouched food. Tav grins, and bounces to them, ready to hug them, come what may.

Their excitement smooths over some of the resentment, though Tav feels the glances hitch on the marks on their skin. They slip onto a chair next to their friends and help themself to buns, butter and bacon. "I am sorry for slipping away. I couldn't sleep. I tried, I promise."

"And so you decided to gallivant off to the hells without letting us know?" Hurt is clear in Wyll's words.

"I didn't think I'd stay this long," Tav admits sheepishly. "I just wanted to say thanks and be back by breakfast. I swear."

"That did not go as planned, did it now?" Astarion inquires.

"Heh." Tav blushes. "Not all the way, no. But it went better."

Incredulous stares make them drop the knife, bun still stuck on it. "Firstly, the problem with people hunting me down as part of a bargain with Raphael is dealt with. So I should not find myself in such a – predicament again."

"You worried the hells out of us, soldier," Karlach reaches for Tav's arm and grasps it tightly. "You could have left a note."

"I could and I'm sorry." Tav looks at their plate for a moment. "I'd say 'next time' but there won't be one. Raphael burnt my contract."

Silence falls over the group.

"He did?" Karlach finally asks.

"Yes." Tav looks at their hands. "I didn't even ask for it, he just -" Tav saps their fingers. "Like that."

"I have not heard of a devil forsaking a soul they own before," Wyll raises a suspicious brow. "You are certain it was your contract?"

"You feel it, don't you, when it is yours and then it is gone." They look Wyll in the eye. "You know what I mean, don't you?"

Reluctantly he nods. "I am happy for you."

"So am I, but where does it leave you?" Astarion wants to know.

"Here." Tav shrugs. "I never left because I didn't want to be here. It was the circumstances. And with those changed." Their cheeks burn even hotter. "I like it here. It is – home. And now that I can come and go as I please." They grin and look at Astarion. "I hear we have quite an adventure ahead of us."

"That's it?" Wyll asks. "He burns your contract and you stay?"

"In broad strokes, yes. Of course I still need a way to come and go easily. Can't rely on poor Helsik for that forever. But once I have my own door, this is home base."

"I hope you know what you're doing." Karlach shakes her head. But there is only so much she can do, considering who get her heart repaired and what negligible price she paid for that. "Well, that back door of yours will come in very handy if things get out of control," Astarion smirks. "The Sunburst Solace has been lost for centuries. We will not be without competition once word gets around."

"It will be such fun." Tav beams and picks up their bun again. "Tell me all the new intel you got."

The chance to shift to another topic is accepted eagerly and Tav spends a happy breakfast with their friends planning to retrieve an artefact that hopefully allows Astarion to walk under the sun again. When the three leave through the portal Tav feels light and elated in a way they haven't for a long time. Maybe since before the nautiloid snatched them up. But that is nothing to dwell on now. A long hot bath is waiting.

Tav skips down the stairs back into their suite. They emerge much later, their skin red from hot water and perfumed with bathing salts. Every muscle in their body feels soft and relaxed and the door to Raphael's study stands open. For a moment Tav wonders if he has means to watch every place in his house. The idea paints a mischievous grin over their lips. There are ways to test that. Some day soon.

For now, all they want is to be close to their devil. Raphael beckons them in and shuts the door with a wave of his hands. "I assume your friends left the house placated?"

"As much as possible." Tav leans against his shoulder over the armrest. "Which leaves the question of how I will get in and out on my own. I don't see Helsik approving of me breaking into her place every other day."

"Oh, so you think you will be leaving?" Raphael pulls them onto his lap and warps an arm around Tav to continue working. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

Tav snuggles against his chest with a snort. "Just try to keep me taped down. You won't get anything done but me."

Raphael laughs and Tav shakes on his lap, holding on to him. They missed his laughter, to know he can be carefree around them – his true self.

"I see where that may pose a problem to ruling five hells." He tilts Tav back to look at their face and the lines of mirth edged into it. "Delightful as the image is, I there are other things that will occupy my time."

"My thoughts exactly." Tav traces his jaw. "But with an insta-portal or something similar, I can be back home from wherever, whenever. Sleep in my own bed without chancing the diabolists ire each time."

"I am certain a solution will present itself within the day." Raphael puts down his quill. "Where will you go?"

"Uncertain. Astarion has leads on an item that will protect him from the sun. We will find it. Though," Tav smirks, "I worry. It seems unlikely nobody has ever heard of the Sunburst Solace. Such powerful magic. Even if it was lost for a long time."

Raphael rumbles non-committal. "There will be reasons and you will find them."

"Depending on where we are, I may just stay in camp, though. I missed the companionship of that. Being miserable and cold and wet together." Tav closes their eyes and leans their head back against the devil's chest. "You should try it some time."

"In your wildest dreams." He drops a kiss on their hair.

It's beneath Tav to reply to that. For a while the scratching of the quill on parchment is the only sound in the room.

"And what are your plans for now, pray tell?" Raphael asks as he reaches for another parchment, movement slightly encumbered by the human on his lap.

"Now?" Tav murmurs drowsily. "I just want to sit here and listen to the beat of your heart."

Raphael stills, hand frozen in its tight grip around Tav's waist. "For now," he finally says. "But know that later you won't be able to avoid a clandestine dinner."

"I shall arm myself for the ordeal with a book," Tav hums. "And an emergency plan of seduction."

"Is this how you plan to win your arguments?"

"As long as it works." They reach up and pull his head down for a gentle kiss. "Nobody stopping you from adopting the same strategy."

"Hmm." Raphael hums onto the kiss before resting his chin on Tav's head.

Maybe it's not perfect. Evening will come with clandestine dinner and heated words leading to burning desire. Morning will come and they will leave to help their friend. But right here, right now, the world balances on the tip of perfection, wrapped up against Raphael's heart. And that is enough.

[moonbythecabstan]

Favorite Lyrics From #5SOS5:

Complete Mess:

"This evanescence always fleeting like a flame, but I'm never one to change. Am I?"

Easy For You To Say:

"Last night, I lied. I looked you in the eyes. I'm scared to find a piece of peace of mind. I swear to you each and every time I'll try and change my ways."

Bad Omens:

"These bad omens, I look right through them. That's what you do when you love somebody."

Me Myself & I:

"All these broke hearts, but mine's the one bleeding. Bullshit I feed myself. Me and my selfish appetite. I did not need your help. Now it's just me, myself, and I."

Take My Hand:

"Always hits me I'm always shifting"

Carousel:

"I tried to keep my head above the ocean of my doubt. I'm feeling like a dreamer. Don't you try to wake me now."

Older:

"On the day that you leave me I'll forever be bleeding love. As forever comes closer, hope the world spins slower."

Haze:

"Got me feelin' alright when the feeling's all gone. Got me feelin' uptight every moment you're gone. Got a piece of your mind and I'm gonna hold on. It's a hell of a ride, lovin' you."

You Don't Go To Parties:

"I'm still here in the darkness, back where we started. You made me a heartless monster."

"I always stay too late, I should kick me out. Oh, I wonder who I'm looking for 'cause you don't go to parties anymore."

Blender:

"Is it just the way we are always burning through the roof? Oh, I guess only the stars would know the truth."

Caramel:

"A visceral feeling that I can never leave behind and it's under my skin, but I can't reach in when you know were I've been. So we play pretend. It used to be easy. It used to be easy."

"Love like a landslide. I kiss you goodnight."

Best Friends:

"Life is like a poem written on the bathroom wall. A decorated list of all the things you've felt before. It's not a perfect narrative. There's beauty in mistakes."

Bleach:

"I feel you under my tongue next to every word that I should have said. No matter how far I run, memories always seem to catch up again."

Red Line:

"'Cause I been spending all this time alone. I'm on the Red Line, sinking Aperol. Another vessel in a winter coat."

Moodswings:

"I know my mood's been swinging all day. Weaponized words can get in the way. Nothing I say ever coming out straight. When I pull through, hope you feel the same. Without you, baby, I don't even know myself."

Flatline:

"You're like staring at the sunshine, burning into my mind, 'cause I can't even look at you. I'd die all day and every night just to miss you."

Emotions:

"Fight about it. I don't want to fight about it. I'm already screaming inside."

Bloodhound:

"We keep on dancing when the room is on fire. Spend all our money on our dirty desires. We keep dancing when the room is on fire and I can't let it go."

Tears!:

"Crying eyes. I don't need a reason to get high tonight. High tonight. I just wanna feel alive."

"Diamonds turn to puddles, no-one's feeling what I'm feeling."

[blazehedgehog]

That was the first YouTube ad you've run, right? I assume you can't talk specific dollar amounts, but did it pay well? Is this a game changer for your future?

I've had a small handful of offers over the years. One I think I can talk a little about was I got contacted by Raid: Shadow Legends back when they were blanketing all of Youtube with sponsorships.

Since literally half of Youtube was doing ad reads for Raid and I was in a position where I didn't need what they were offering, I felt comfortable saying no. Their offer wasn't nothing, but it also wasn't, like, "this is so much money that I can't refuse."

I'm probably not even allowed to hint at how much they're paying me for this current sponsor deal, but I will say that circumstances are very different for me now and I'd like to get in to a position where I can live more comfortably. That's not to say I'm so desperate that I'll take anything I can get; I actually just had to turn down an indie developer looking to sponsor my next video, and I need recharge time after what a grind the Sonic Adventure 2 video felt like. But I am more open to the idea overall.

What I might be allowed to say is that most of the potential of a sponsorship like this comes from how many people actually click on my offer code and go through with the thing. I did (or will) get paid some amount up front, but the idea is to generate referrals.

And at the time of this writing it's too early to tell. It hasn't even been 48 hours as I write this, and analytics on this kind of stuff can be delayed quite a bit.

All I can hope for is that I did a good enough job.

Advertisers (and possibly the law) generally frown on you influencing too much on the ads you work on, so I probably shouldn't really comment on whether or not I think I did a good job, positive or negative. It was more that the video overall, as a whole, was very strenuous to work on, and I worked through many late nights, weekends, and holidays to get it done, even if that work was occasionally staring blankly at a computer screen and hyper-focusing on worry for 16 hours straight.

The last day and a half has been a lot of emotional highs (buzzing with excitement so badly I couldn't sleep last night) and heavy lows where I don't want anyone to talk to me.

In truth, I won't know the scale of how good or bad things are until probably closer to the end of the month, and then it'll probably be close to another month before I see any of these earnings.

I watched Nerdsync's video on "Whisper of the Heart" during production and I find myself reflecting on it a lot this last week. At the time I wondered if Scott was okay, because there's a lot of talk about the depression that can come with this work and the second guessing yourself and having to depend on others while you chase your dreams... This Sonic Adventure 2 video took a lot out of me in ways I don't think anyone was prepared for and I think I understand that video a bit better now.

Even if it's just a silly technical video that's 50% modding tutorial and isn't, like, this deeply emotional thing, it still felt that way during production, especially as I missed deadline after deadline and the weeks piled up. I feel like this thing took a piece of my soul, somehow. And hard work alone is no guarantee of success.

But I'm going to stop here. There's a lot of emotions I'm feeling about this that are screaming to get out and there might be other outlets for that I'll get around to eventually.

[yourmidnightlover]

never go back

Summary: spencer notices how your boyfriend takes advantage of you and finally does something about it.

TW: titty sucking, oral (female receiving), cheating, dom!spencer, scratching, slapping (only one), cursing, choking, spencer dirty talk lol, penetrative sex, creampie. *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 3,724

A/N - i'm using noah as the 'other man' schtick in probably all of my future one shots bc i can't find it within myself to create a new character each and every time. so your douche of a bf will always be noah miller. if you ever get a nice bf i'll be sure to change his name but for now this is what we're working with. got it? got it.

masterlist

-------------------------------

there are many things that people should go back to. schooling, maybe an old job, an old vacation spot.

your boyfriend was not one of those things.

mostly because your boyfriend sucked.

it was now a fact that spencer reid himself had come to believe quite a while ago and now, well now he had reason.

he had always felt as though you were too good for noah, similar for practically anyone in existence (himself included). he was always a complete ass to you no matter the circumstance.

there was one time the entire team had been back really late from a case that took a toll on all of you. it was emotionally and physically draining. the flight back had been delayed because of weather issues in the state you had been in, meaning you couldn't leave until days after it was solved.

any time you had gone to answer the phone, spencer would be able to see your stance and body language through the glass window. you had been apologizing for something you couldn't even control. you would narrow your brows the way you only did when you were being yelled at. you bit your lip the way you did when you were being made to feel guilty.

he was guilt tripping you for something you couldn't even control.

when you had gotten back it wasn't any better. noah had been giving you the cold shoulder. he was defensive when you asked what was wrong.

and that was only 3 weeks into the relationship.

after being together for 2 months, you had gotten flowers delivered on your desk. you assumed they were from your boyfriend, reasonably so, and went to go thank him. spencer saw the shock in your eyes when you saw your boyfriend huddled in the corner with some new intern. spencer saw the look in your eye change from sadness to anger in the blink of his own.

you took a deep breath, and walked away from the situation, completely missing the way he tucked the intern's hair behind her ear as he leaned in to whisper something to make her giggle. when you got back to your desk you threw the flowers in the garbage can, not even bothering to read the note.

it was pretty indirect, but looking into it he realized it was an issue that should've been addressed. every time the team would go out together, everyone was clearly invited. you would always decline because 'noah wanted to take me out tonight' or 'noah said he needs me, so i'll have to rain check'.

it wasn't because you were a bad person, the opposite actually. it was because noah was taking advantage of your kindness.

because any time you needed him, 'noah's out with the boys' or 'noah had to work late' or, here's a kicker, 'noah had a hard time at work'. as if you don't have a hard time looking at dead bodies while he just has to write up reports.

even when you got injured during a case, shot in the shoulder, noah seemed as though he couldn't have cared less. he wouldn't even go to your apartment to visit you while you were in recovery because 'noah didn't have time to visit'.

spencer could even recall when you went out with the girls one night, spencer being the designated driver, that you had told them how 'noah didn't want you to dress too provocatively so you had to wear something more modest'.

now, spencer doesn't care all to much about what you wear because, frankly, it's none of his business. but now that he heard how noah cared oh-so-much, he decided to wrack his brain for the 'provocative' outfits you've worn. there was not a single one that anyone should make a comment about. you looked stunning no matter what you wore, so you'd grab any man's attention no matter the clothing on your body.

but spencer? he made sure to never be that much of an asshole to you. he made sure to make up for him being an asshole.

he would grab you some morning coffee like you always had before you had a boyfriend. he would make sure to tell you that you looked lovely when you were able to go out with the team. he would visit you when you injured yourself and were lonely, he even stayed back for a few days with you to help you get through it.

hell, he was the one to get you the flowers. you had been having a rough week and spencer thought it might cheer you up. he had gifted you a bouquet of 12, blue chiffon flowers because those were your favorite.

but this was his breaking point. you had come to his apartment, once again in the middle of the night, talking about noah fucking miller cheating on you.

he had done it once before when he was 'out with the boys' you decided to stop by when he said he'd be back, wanting to just be the amazing girlfriend that you are. so when you walk in and hear your boyfriend moaning along with another woman that isn't you, you immediately run back out. you run back out and drive all the way to spencer's.  

and here you are again. spencer wasn't mad at you, it was noah he was mad at. he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

spencer had always liked you, no, he's always loved you. everything about you. how could he not? you're perfect.

but loving you how he does and seeing you being used as a toy to fuck for a certain noah miller not only made his heart ache but also made his blood boil.

spencer wasn't an idiot. he had heard the way the old morgan had referred to women. the thing is, noah is way more of a fuckboy than the old morgan ever was. and that scared spencer to pieces. he knew that you would only be missing out on team outings just to get fucked by a douchebag. he knew that the only reason said douchebag wouldn't visit you was because you couldn't fuck. he knew that the reason said douchebag was cornering that intern was to fuck her, too.

so when you arrived at spencer's place, this time you weren't crying. you were furious. you were angry and upset, as was spencer.

"he did it again, spence," you breathed out as you paced across his living room floor. "i was supposed to meet him in a few hours but i was going to surprise him and i caught him with another tramp! i didn't even confront him. i just- i just left!"

"cheated? noah?" he asked as if he didn't believe it at first, not wanting to seem like as much of a dick as noah.

"yes! cheated. god! i am so ANGRY!" you ran your hand through your hair, a grunt leaving your mouth. "and... and frustrated! and... UGH!" you sighed aggressively.

"and what?" spencer asked as he stood up, slowly making his way to you. "what else?" he said, his hand now brushing that stubborn strand of hair behind your ear.

"i-i'm..." you trailed off, getting lost in his beautiful eyes.

if you were honest with yourself, you'd admit how much you loved spencer. but you thought he'd never love you like that. not since you helped him through jj getting married. he really thought she was it for him, at least that's what you'd come to think he believed. over the years you had grown so much closer and grown such an attraction for each other that the other person knew about. it was ironic, truly.

"say it, y/n," spencer leaned over you, his lips ghosting over yours. "i need to hear you say it."

"god, just kiss me," you said, your hands flying to the back of his hair to push his mouth to yours.

there was no hesitation from spencer to give you everything he had. his hand on the side of your face remained there as his other hand drifted to your waist to pull you closer to his body. your tongues met fervently with covetous, passion, and longing yet with just gentle firmness that felt protecting and as if it was how everything was supposed to be.

"please, spencer," you quietly whispered once you unlatched from one another.

"please what, princess," he asked, his hand running through your hair.

"i just... i need you," she pleaded with him, her hands still tugging gently on his hair. "please," you put your foreheads together, breathing in each others air as you silently begged him to help you in any way that he could.

"i'd do anything for you," he whispered so delicately as if the entire team were standing right beside you. "you know i'd do anything for you."

"then do something," you demanded.

spencer took action by kissing you just as intensely as before, this time his hands went to your ass. he grabbed your thighs to signal for you to jump, once you did you wrapped your legs around his torso as he carried you into his bedroom. he set you down just in front of the bed before you began to undo his shirt, him returning the favor by undoing yours.

"god, i've wanted you for so long," he growled, nipping gently at your earlobe as he laid you back on the bed. "lift your hips," he ordered, you obeyed his every command. you always would. "good girl," he praised as he ran his hands down your now bare waist.

"please," you begged, your hips bucking up to get any source of friction. "spencer..." you trailed off.

"i know, princess. i know," he said before climbing on top of you, connecting your lips with his once again, this time much more eager than before if that were possible.

as you arched your back, he took the opportunity to unclasp the hook on your bra. you shrugged it off your shoulders to allow him to throw the bra somewhere else in his room. he finally took a breath, removing his lips from yours to admire the view in front of him.

"god, you're so beautiful," he growled before placing gentle but eager kisses along the tops of your breasts, massaging the one his mouth wasn't on.

he pressed his knee between your legs, allowing you to buck your hips up to get that release you wanted so bad. you whined as he took your nipple in his mouth, his tongue flicking past it rapidly as he occasionally nibbled on it gently.

"spen-spencer," you ran your hands through his hair, tugging gently on the roots.

"mmm," he sat his head up, trailed kisses up your throat. "god, i love you so much."

"i-i love you," you moaned, pulling his head up to connect your lips together. "i love you so so much."

"i'm so glad to hear that," he huffed a sigh of relief. "because otherwise it'd be awkward when i did this," he began trailing kisses down your body, leading down towards your center. "i'll show you what it's like to be with a man that actually loves and respects you, yea? show you what it feels like to actually be pleased by a man? what it's like to be with a real man?" he teased.

his fingers trailed around your entrance, gathering your arousal that'd been building for what felt like ages. he pressed gentle kisses around your pussy before finally connecting his lips with your clit, a low groan emitting from your body because of the contact.

"yes, please," you shot your head back, relishing in the feeling of the direct skin contact.

"hey," spencer slapped your thigh, your head shot back up to see him between your legs, a truly beautiful sight that you'd never get tired of. "eyes on me," he demanded before going back down on you, not breaking eye contact as he brought out sounds from you that you weren't even sure you could make. "talk to me, princess. let me know how it feels."

"fe-feels so good," you sighed, taking your breasts in your hands and massaging them. "i-i can-can't even think," you stuttered out, too caught up in the pleasure to form a coherent sentence.

you had felt so good as he sucked on your clit, succeeding in bringing you closer to the edge than noah ever has, but when he inserted two fingers into your entrance...

"oh my fuck!" your hands shot down to grab onto his locks, pushing him further into your body, a low groan leaving him.

his fingers didn't stop their work. he curled them at just the right spot, sending you flying over the edge. spencer used his free hand to grab onto your thigh to keep them from closing in completely on his head, still working you through your high. he placed a kiss on your clit once more before he brought his head up to you, connecting your lips passionately.

"could noah ever make you come like that? huh? could he make you feel so good you could barely even think?" he grabbed your chin in his hands, holding it in place to look at him as you shook your head the best you could. "no?"

"mm-mm," you tried to shake your head 'no' once more.

"did you think of him while i was going down on you? were you thinking about how he fucked that little tramp?" he asked harshly, you shook your head 'no' again. "oh, what were you thinking, princess?" he finally released your face so you could speak.

"ab-about how well you know my body. about how, how good you looked between my legs. about how much i love you," you replied quickly, knowing exactly what to say.

"right answer," he connected your lips once more. "what do you want, love?" he asked, peppering soft kisses along your jaw where his hands once held your throat firmly.

"you. i-i want you in-inside me," you swallowed, your hand finding his and pulling it up to your lips to press a kiss to it, then another, then another, then another. "please, doctor?" you used your best puppy dog eyes you knew he couldn't resist.

"god, call me that again," he rasped lowly.

"what... doctor?" you took his hand and started sucking on his fingers, letting them slip in and out slowly and then moving onto the next.

"fuck, yes," he growled as he pressed another kiss to your lips before lining himself up at your center. "are you sure, princess?" he traced your jaw with the fingers you were previously sucking on.

"yes, sir," you nodded. "i'm sure."

you felt him slowly push inside of you slowly to allow you to adjust to his size. you had your suspicions of how big he was, but feeling him inside of you made it all much more real.

"fuck, you're so tight," he moaned into your ear quietly as he slowly pulled back out, going in just as slow.

"sp-spence-"

"wrong," he slapped your face gently, a whimper leaving your lips before he grasped your face to make you look him in the eyes.

"doc-doctor," you corrected yourself.

"good girl," he said, feeling your pussy clench from the praise. "oh you like that?" he felt it again. "maybe you just like hearing me talk, yea?" his pace began picking up slowly. "you like hearing how this pussy makes me feel? how tight... and warm... and wet it is?"

"u--uh huh," you nodded your head the best you could as he began thrusting much more rapid, hitting that special spot inside of you with each movement.

"it seems like you haven't felt this good in a long time huh? haven't had your pussy pounded like this in a while?" he asked as he was catching his breath.

"ne-never, doctor," you confirmed, hands reaching around his back and dragging your nails down, surely leaving scratch marks all down them.

"fuck," he growled. "noah never made you feel this good princess? never made you forget how to speak in sentences? never knew how to get you going like this?"

"n-no, no! never! god, never!" you cried as you pulled his body even closer to you. "i-i'm close, please!"

"you wanna come all over my dick, yea? you want to show me how much your pussy loves it when a real man fucks it?"

that was it to let that spring burst inside of you, parts flying everywhere. you cried his name as he worked you through your orgasm, holding onto his shoulders and hair to keep you grounded.

"cum inside me, please," you begged. "fi-fill me up."

"fuck, whatever you want, princess," he kept pounding into you at a rapid pace. "god, i'm gonna come inside you, and send you back to that scumbag of a boyfriend so he can see that you're mine now. so he can see what happens when his girlfriend is mistreated and fucked by someone who knows what they're doing, yea?"

"yea, yea!" you whined, nails digging back into his skin as he released his load into you, thrusting it gently back inside after.

"god, i love you so much," he moaned into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek by your ear.

"i love you," you replied, stroking his hair to help him come down, him still inside of you. he began thrusting inside of you once again.

"don't want any of it to spill out before you get to him," he felt you clench around him one more time. "you're very responsive, princess. i like that about you."

"it-it's just you, spence. it's always been you," you pulled him in for another kiss.

this one was full of passion but not the kind of eagerness. it was full of desire and longing, pent up emotions flowing out into one another fluidly.

"now let me go see my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend," you huffed as he pulled out of you, wincing from the overstimulation. "i'll see you later?"

"i'll see you later," he pressed a kiss to your forehead before helping you gather your clothes.

driving back to his apartment, you felt rather giddy with yourself. should you have felt bad? absolutely not. he's a manipulative asshole who's used you for sex on numerous occasions, so he deserved the bittersweet irony of what was coming to him.

*get it, coming to him? lol i'm sorry i had to :)*

you knocked on the door softly, greeted by a rather chipper noah who grabbed your face as soon as he saw you, connecting your lips. his kiss was nothing like spencer's. his lips weren't as soft and tentative. they weren't plump and round, they were harsh and rough and unpleasant.

he quickly led you to the bedroom, not to your surprise. he sat down on the bed, you straddled his hips, acting as if it were spencer instead - which was pretty hard to do after knowing what he was like in the sack.

you felt his boner through his pants quickly after you got on top of him. then when he flipped you over and pulled your pants and underwear down, he was met with a surprise.

"someone's excited to see me," he chuckled before licking a thick stripe from your slit to clit, very aggressive to where it almost hurt to have the pressure. "god you taste so good, doll."

he continued at this for a while, inserting his tongue to your hole very once in a while and licking up yours and spencer's arousal with it. you faked your moans and whimpers as his ministrations became more eager, not really getting you anywhere.

after he was finished with your turn - no, he didn't even make you cum - he laid back on the bed as if he were waiting for you to get on top of him again.

"actually," you stood up from the bed, pulling up your clothes with you. "i'm done with this. we're over."

you watched his face as he took in the information just released to him. it changed from surprised and shocked, to confused, to disgusted, to angry and frustrated.

"what the fuck?" he sat up from the bed, a disgruntled look on his face. "you wait until after you cum to tell me this?" he walked over to you, arms flailing in the air.

"yea. i did. and by the way, i didn't cum," you informed him. "that's something you've never really been good at making me do. although i'm not sure how you've been able to convince me to do anything with the way you treat me."

"what do you mean? i'm a good gu-"

"shut up for one second, please," you rolled your eyes, running your hand through your hair. "i know you've cheated on me numerable times. i stayed because i thought that maybe there was a reason, but i've come to realize that i was just... settling with you," you shrugged.

"you've treated me like crap since this 'relationship' started and i'm tired of it. i know someone who not only treats me with respect and kindness, but can also actually make me cum. shocker," you chuckled.

"who is this asshole? what the hell-"

"i wasn't finished, sweetie," you spat out viciously. "he's not an asshole. you're the asshole. you're the one that's getting dumped. so this is goodbye," you turned around to walk out of his room before leaving him with one more thought. "how did his cum taste with mine?" you tilted your head innocently, smiling at his shocked face as he realized what you meant before walking out.

and you were never more glad that you didn't have to go back to him anymore.

taglist:

@muffin-cup​ @greenprisca​ @averyhotchner​ 

[murdocksgavel]

The partial eclispe

Part three of the eclispe series.

Rating: explicit 18+.

Word count: 6.4k!

Warnings: allusions to smut, a boner, and dirty talk!, mentions of child death, death, kissing, small mentions of insecurities, much angst!, fluff, Ra bullying the ennead, sad nailah, protective frank castle 👀,DID and IED depictions, more flashbacks!,starts off slow at first and then action starts to pick up, y'all might get pissed a bit at nailah, moonknight spoilers!, mentions of guns, and blood!, couple fight, Ra being HILARIOUS possible bad writing and mistakes cause I was tired, (LMK IF I MISSED ANY)

A/N: this took me a while to write, and i am so sorry!. I've been mentally exhausted due to testing, and other personal things, and i really do apologize for the pace of this one, it's like a filler episode, BUT STILL IMPORTANT, ANYWAY HAPPY READING AND I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY!, and remember you are absolutely gorgeous just the way you are, and if you don't think so, well I do, my dms are always open for anyone. Stay weird sunbirds <3

"welcome back to egypt nailah",

she was going to fucking kill him...again. nailah pratically launched herself at marc who was now trying to get her off of him as she straddled his lower half now with her staff to his neck, but all marc did was smirk which seemed to be a bad idea because nailah snarled out at him, and punched him right in the nose. "FUCK YOU MARC" she just started to hit his chest while still sitting in his lap, he knew it was going to be hard for her, but he needed nailah no matter if she hated him forever or not. Marc caught her wrist in one hand, stopping her finally and nailah was pratically breathless now, panting like a dog. "I fucking hate you so much, you have NO IDEA MARC, NO FUCKING IDEA, i told you i never wanted to come back here, and you did the exact fucking opposite, ma-marc my bab-baby girl is stuck here forever" her voice was breaking into a thousand pieces, and the tears she shed fell onto Marc's bare chest. His heart broke for her, but his eyes couldn't stop staring at her, (she's gorgeous, tell her), steven, was marc jealous that Steven got to kiss her? Hell yes he was, and he wouldn't pass up the opportunity now even if she hated him. Nailah was trying to calm herself down, because she was very close to an incoming panic attack, but before she fully realized it, marc sat up with her hands still in his and kissed her.

He actually kissed with his bare chest pressed to her clothed one, the sun and the moon forming into a partial eclispe. Nailah was the first to pull away reluctantly, now breathing harder, panting practically as her eyes looked down into Marc's who was already staring at her. "I still hate you by the way, so don't get all cocky, but you look really pretty right now in the sunlight moonbeam" the nickname made Marc's face light up, and his hands now cupped her face gently, "nailah you don't have to forgive me, but-" he paused like he was looking for the right words, but nailah was kissing his hands, and wrist and it was making it really hard to think. "But, i can't do any of this without you okay?, i need my other half by my side and if that means you being mad at me for the rest of our lives then so be it, because I'd rather you be mad, then do this alone without you sunbird". Nailah wasn't saying anything back, all she did was nod after he finished talking, and was about to get off of him, but marc pulled her closer to him not letting her escape now with his arms wrapped around her body. "Marc we need to find harrow, we need to stop him we can't lay here, and do nothing, you wanted my help, you got it but I'm not doing whatever this is". Of course she was still mad at him, she had every right to be but marc wouldn't take no for an answer, not this time.

It was a few years after nailah banished herself from Egypt, and started hiding from marc but marc set out to find her, and he did in hell's kitchen new york. Marc had been tracking her actually, because one he needed her help, and two, the news, she was all over it. Nailah was now considered a vigilante along side new York's frank castle, the punisher and she was considered now to be the woman of war, the atom, the judge, and the manipulator, nailah had gone completely off the bloody rails. So he found her, pretty easily, actually even though it was night and she was- she was with frank castle. That twinge of jealousy was poking at him, and a snarl ripped its way from his mouth; jumping down from the roof and in front of the two, he wasn't expecting a warm welcome, but he definitely wasn't expecting having a gun, and a golden staff pointed at his face in pratical unison. He caught a glimpse of her in the moonlight and then she caught a glimpse of him, nailah was wearing her armor, the same armor she had when she woke up from the dead the first time, but something was different about this, it was darker, everything about her seemed somewhat darker. "Marc!?" Her voice was deeper, a bit ragid, rich, smooth, but rough like something had happened, something that changed her again. "It's been a while sunbird, and I know what you're gonna ask, I'm here because I need your help desperately", and maybe those weren't the right words because the self proclaimed punisher decided to finally step in and in front of nailah staring at marc with a very unsatisfied look.

"Look man I just need to talk to nailah alone, think you can let that happen for just 30 minutes?" Marc wasn't one to back down from a fight, and he guessed frank wasn't one either by the way he was circling marc. "So you're the marc spector I've been hearing so much about aye?, so uh you still crazy or what?" Marc was a little taken back at that and his eyes wondered to nailah who was just watching, but frank quickly blocked his view of her which caused his jaw to tighten and his entire body go tense. "You still murdering people then?" Marc pratically spat in his face and that caused nailah to step in only slightly so she could place a hand on Frank's shoulder, "yeah actually with mrs amir here of course, how's your imaginary god", marc was ready to fucking punch this guy in the face just for the way he was looking at nailah, but the way she was looking at him, made him feel uneasy. "He's good actually, how's your dead family", marc was then met with a nasty punch to his jaw, and multiple other blows that actually hurt, but it all stopped within a blink of his eye, and Frank was now agaisnt the wall of the alley way they were in and nailah was standing over both of them, eyes golden, and her staff in hand. "I think you two have had enough fun, don't you?, now I'm not going anywhere okay?" The men stood up at the same time, but frank was behind her as she stood in front of marc with an expression he couldn't quite read. "Leave marc, I'm not going with you, and I'm not leaving, especially now, i can't just drop everything and fucking leave when you demand it, now if it was osiris that would be very different", nailah was in his face now, but when she mentioned the god of the dead he felt another uneasy feeling shoot through his entire body.

"What do you mean? What happened nailah talk to me", marc was pleading now but before nailah got the chance, Frank spoke up, "she died pal, again and when she woke up she called your name, and since your mighty god ra abandoned her, osiris brought her back and became the voice in her head, so there you have it" Nailah's head hung low until she looked back up at marc and the words that came out of her mouth absolutely shattered his heart, "leave marc, I'm not ever coming back, i have frank and he's enough for me, so leave". He did leave and he never saw her again, not until recently. Not this time, "in the morning okay?, in the morning we fight and find, but right now please just stay", and stay is exactly what she did. It was around 8:00 pm at night when nailah walked out of the bathroom, her curls wet and already coiling on their own, just in one of Marc's shirts and underwear, and marc was already laying on the bed in just his boxers, "I'll take the chair, you can have the bed, i promise i won't be creepy and stare at you all night" marc abruptly stood from the bed motioning awkwardly to it, "no, marc it's fine let's share it okay? Don't need the mighty fist messing up his back" a dry chuckle came from both of them, as they at the same time slowly made their way onto the bed and underneath the sheets. "Is- umm, is steven okay?, it's a weird question to ask, but I'm curious, are you both okay?", marc turned over to face nailah, she was so beautiful, her features were those of the highest gods, like isis almost, like she was his isis, and he was her osiris, (mate you do know they were siblings right?), marc rolled his eyes at Steven's comment, okay they were the gods but without the sibling part of course.

"Yeah we are now" he reached his hand up to move a hair from her face with a small smile attached to his own face, "are you okay? Though nailah?", nailah shook her head yes and then unexpectedly pulled marc into a fiery kiss, and then pulled away gently with another smile, "you know when this is all over maybe you and frank can have a proper introduction, you'd like him if you got to know him, plus he helped me when billy killed me" she plopped back onto the bed after now laying on her back with a sigh falling from her lips. This was the silence she liked, the comfortable silence, but it didn't stay silent for long as marc slowly climbed on top of her, "do you want this?, us? Because if not tell me right now before it progresses, please sunbird". "I do, i want this, i want us marc" she pratically whimpered as marc laid his forehead agaisnt hers gently, "good, because we might be up all night" and with a signature marc smirk he dissapeared beneath the sheets. The Egyptian sun was almost always crucial, but as he ran the roofs of the lower street houses all that was running through his mind was finding harrow, and he hoped nailah was having better luck than he was now that he ran upon some men. "What are we doing, are we dancing now?" The three men started coming at marc super fast, and all he said was, "oh wow".

Nailah on the other hand was in the streets keeping a look out on anyone who could be a follower of harrow, but that's when she saw the guys marc were supposed to be tracking, and then marc in a cab?, "damnit steven" nailah whispered under her breath, and then started to loosely follow marc and the other men. She trailed behind waiting at the perfect moment to hop, and lucky for her marc hadn't seen her yet. She followed them all the way to a cliff, "marc don't" nailah finally called out as he brought the kid to the edge, but it was too late, "praise ammit" and it was too late, nor nailah or marc was able to stop the kid from falling to his death. "This is exactly why I didn't want to come back, god you never stop do you?, he was a fucking kid" she gritted out, but all marc could do was let out a tense sigh, "you know what forget it, what's he saying" nailah motioned towards khonshu keeping her face stone cold when khonshu appeared to her as well,"What about the ennead exactly khonshu? They don't know what!?". Khonshu always spoke bluntly but right now it felt as if it was heavily intensified, "the ennead doesn't know about Ra's avatar aka you, Ra kept all of his avatars secrets from the ennead afraid they'd abuse their power, I only knew because you and marc were freakishly connected, but you have to be there, you have to have his back during it, and present yourself as the fist, Ra will help you through it", nailah quite literally stood there with wide eyes and a extremely tense figure now her head was spinning, and she was spiraling, and- and she was afriad, terrified now even but her eyes drifted to marc and all that came out of her mouth was a stone cold, "okay".

Khonshu sent a message a pretty straightforward message to the ennead altering the day light sky and in the process creating a crescent moon as nailah and marc descended into the alley ways of egypt. "Let marc go in first, and then you a few minutes after" all nailah did was nod, but marc actually spoke, "where will you be?" And khonshu answered almost like he was smirking even if he couldn't physically, "I'll be there". Marc walks in as the portal, door thingy opens all by itself but not before he takes one look at nailah who was already looking at him, "good luck moonbeam" she whispered out towards him, and a hefty sigh followed right after. "Protect him in there please nailah, he will fight my control, just don't let him get hurt" khonshu appeared next to her as she stood near where the door had appeared, "I won't let him get hurt, but Ra hasn't spoken to me in years khonshu, I doubt he'd start now", the door opened and nailah breathed in through her nose closing her eyes before hearing khonshu's voice fading, "you'd be suprised eclispe". Marc had walked through the mirrored halls with tense steps, "i can't believe it we're inside the pyrmiad of giza" marc looked towards the mirror hearing steven let out a excited phrase and finally came upon the grand room. It was absolutely breathtaking; entire place candlelit, and a warm glow illuminating the entire space as black statues of the gods adorned each corner raised above a brick space with brick stairs leading up to each statue, and he thought to himself, what the absolute fuck was he getting himself into.

The trial had started 4 minutes ago, the gods hathor, horus, isis, tefnut, and osiris were all there in attendance pratically looking down at marc as nailah entered the ancient pyramid, and she watched as all the avatars eyes lit up signaling the gods were now present, and they were all staring at marc until she entered in front of all of them and now every single eye was on her. "Who are you, and how did you get in here" it was isis who had called out to her, but osiris held his hand out towards the goddess, because even though he was here on strictly business, he knew nailah and would never put her in harms way. "Let her speak" hathor called out and nailah's searched frantically around the room till they landed on him and her heart literally fluttered, he looked so gorgeous in this light. "Speak mortal" tefnut yelled out at nailah, who let out a deep breath, "I come on behalf of the father god Ra". The gods literally laughed all of them did expect osiris, "how can you be so sure? The mighty one never had an avatar, prove it, the avatar of Ra is said to have golden eyes, the color of the sun, show yourself Ra through your avatar" tefnut yelled out and nailah's eye fell to Marc's or who was khonshu who tensely nodded at her, letting her know it was okay, she was okay. Stepping out into better light, and letting the candles illuminate her entire being, "take your time nailah, whenever your ready" osiris spoke out, and then it happened she deeply inhaled and then her eyes; that molten gold color. She could hear the gods all gasp, but it was like she wasn't in control of her own body, someone, or something else was.

"YOU KNOW ME BY MY NAME, FOR I AM RA, AND WE ARE ONE", nailah yelled out, her voice alarmingly serious as she involuntarily descended the steps to where marc was. "Why did you never tell us about your avatar?" It was horus who called out towards her, or Ra? At this point nailah was extremely confused. "BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS THATS WHY AND YOU GODS WOULD HAVE ABUSED THE POWER AND I WOULDN'T ALLOW IT", nailah let a little smirk form at the corner of her mouth, she could get used to telling the gods off, and apparently by the looks of it Marc could as well. "Nailah wasn't the first, her bloodline has always been my avatars and I've always protected them until their time was up, but she's different, and if you don't hear khonshu out we will have many more issues than me not telling you about my avatars legacy" what the absolute fuck. Nailah was internally freaking out, her parents were avatars..her baby would've been- holy fuck. She didn't even hear what khonshu was saying, fully allowing Ra to control the reigns now, that was until arthur walked in and now- now she was fucking alert, both of them were. Arthur started talking, but all nailah could see was pure firey red, she was fucking pissed, and then he started saying stuff about marc, and marc was now on his knees so nailah decided to step in, overpowering Ra's control she walked up to Arthur with dark eyes that just screamed, try it. Nailah landed one hard punch right along Arthur's jaw causing him to fall to the floor and make all the other gods stand up, but she could hear it, hear the (good job eclipse) he was talking to her again and it made a tiny proud smile show on her face.

"Are you just going to let her do this?" Arthur called out and nailah was ready to go at it again, but a soft hand caught her shoulder, marc. "We can't do much to stop her, we don't have that kind of power over the creator god, but we do over khonshu who is prohibited to ever control the sky again, if he does, he knows the consequences", nailah scowled and now it was her turn to give these gods a fucking talking too. "You are all fucking cowards, this earth can handle a few sky changes, you all know it's been through much worse, and you're going to punish one god?, one person?, if you fucking hurt them, then you'll have to deal with not just me, but Ra as well". She could see the proud smile on osiris's avatar and then the gods left and she got the fuck out of there with marc hot on her heels. "What the hell was that?" Marc yelled out from a distant, now he was pratically running and when he did catch up nailah and grab her wrist she turned around with a very angry look on her face. The anger nailah was filling was making her dizzy and it felt as if the entire world was spinning on its left side at a very slow pace but she was too angry to actually give a shit about it, way too angry. "Please talk to me, please" marc was now begging almost on his knees, but all nailah could hear was, (do it yourself, he will end up getting hurt, all of them, you have the power to do this yourself eclispe), Ra was talking to her again and she was begining to miss the quiet. "I- marc- I'm not doing this with you anymore, I'm- that was it- my last straw, because I can't screw up with Ra again, now I know my dad was also an avatar, I'm not tarnshing this legacy, loose my number okay?, goodbye marc".

He stood there watching her walk away,his shoulders slumping with dissapointment and sadness as he just watched her completely walk away from him, "until we meet again" marc murmured quietly and went the opposite direction, his back now to hers. Night had fallen now, marc had ran into layla, it was all just going incredibly wrong but he had to stay focused on the mission, he wasn't going to let harrow win. Layla apparently knew this People. It was almost like a jousting ring, at least that's what he assumed, and it seemed to be the head of all of this was preoccupied until layla and him walked up, and he moved out of the way only for marc to see, "nailah" layla had called out her name, but marc just stood still now staring daggers at the women who had beat them here. "Layla, and hmm, marc" she was monotone mentioning him, but her entire demeanor changed when the man turned back to her, fucking gods he was flirting with, taking in the sight of her body marc got to see not only but two days ago, and his jaw clenched so tightly he felt as if it would break. "This lovely woman here has been a absolute angel, got to talk to her all day, hoping to take her to dinner tonight, and maybe more after" the man winked at nailah who returned the flirtation, but marc read her like an open fucking book, she was not comfortable at all and marc wanted was to punch that smug smile off of mogarts face, but first he needed to get that damn map, and it seemed nailah was just that much closer than he was, almost like she was taunting him, and marc wanted nothing more than to just fucking take her somewhere private and fuck the absolute shit out of her until neither of them could stand.

(Focus eclispe, quit looking at the knight and get the map), Ra was demanding, and nailah understood why, but holy fuck it was like a nat constantly buzzing in her head, dont get her wrong she was thrilled that he was talking to her now, but holy shit he was like an excited motormouth kid. Nailah nodded to herself as they walked towards the structure holding the maps, and she caught marc's eye and nailah nodded towards him before smirking a bit and pulling Mogart towards, signaling for marc to get the map. Nailah was fucking uncomfortable, and she could tell layla was trying to get some of the attention off of her, and nailah really wanted to help, but their attention turned to marc now who just got finished talking with steven, and multiple guys pulled their guns on him. All of the sudden marc and nailah both had guns in their hands, "nailah, sunflower please" mogarts tone was mockingly annoying to nailah's ears, so in return she just stepped closer with the gun pressed at him. They had to give the guns up, and marc now was on his knees, which he didn't look bad at all on his knees, maybe he'd do that for- (holy pharaohs, focus eclispe please, summon the suit, or they will kill you all, and oh look there's harrow), Ra practically snarled out the name causing her eyes to flash gold, shit was about to go down. Now brought into the middle of the structure with their hands up and guns being pointed at them, but then chaos ensued of course which let nailah and marc both slip away pretty easily. Marc pulled nailah close to him, practically squishing her against him, but his face was dead serious as he stared at her.

"We need to go help layla" nailah whispered, as she tried to wrestle away from his grasp, "fine, but after we need to fucking talk, and I mean it nailah, if i have too i will tie you down", a taunting smirk curled onto nailah's face when it said the last few words and her eyebrow cocked up, "oh really? You'll have to catch me first pretty boy" nailah purred out, and he quite literally swore to khonshu his knees almost buckled at her words, and now he had to think about gross things to keep himself steady. "You ready?, cause I've been itching to punch something" and with a nod of conformation marc went out first on top of the golden, glass pyramid. "Where did they go!?" The men around layla yelled out, and there was moonknight on top of the pyramid looking down at the group, but nailah, nailah walked in with her armorer on, glowing golden eyes. Extending her hand out, allowing the staff to materialize with a smirk on her face, and then the fight ensued. 5 minutes into the fight nailah had lost sight of layla, she had been keeping an eye on her just to make sure she didn't get hurt, but that's when it happened, one second marc was fighting a guy then it was, it was Steven. Nailah faltered seeing steven again which in turn allowed mogart to impale her with his joustimg stick. She fell to her knees with a loud grunt, and when she looked up she saw marc with mulitple jousting sticks sticking out of him, and then her eyes fell to layla, "no, no, no," she whispered; marc screamed, and that was enough for nailah to stand and pull the stick out, but marc was faster and saved layla. "Nailah behind you!" Layla yelled out as one of the last guys standing ran up behind her, which was not wise to do because nailah was pissed enough as it is, so without even moving nailah swung her arm back and killed the guy impaling him with her staff and harshly pulling it out.

She didn't say anything as she walked past them, didn't say anything as she got into the car hearing them argue, one because she didn't want to listen, and two, (we need to get to the tomb, we don't have time for this eclispe, they can not come or they will die), nailah wanted to hit her head so hard the voices would just go away, she missed the silence, she really did. "Nailah! Come on we need to hurry" layla gently waved her hand in front of nailah's face who seemed to have zoned out, but finally snapped out of her trance looking at layla with tired eyes. Her eyes carried heavy bags, and her light brown eyes darkened with the starry night sky, "are you okay nailah?", she thought it was sweet that layla actually cared, but besides telling her the truth all she did was nod her head and hop out of the jeep. They were talking again, layla and marc, and again nailah wasn't listening her mind wandered elsewhere once more, she just couldn't seem to focus with this bad feeling of impending doom, it happened before she became the fist of ra, it happened before billy russo killed her, and now it was happening again. Her chest felt tight, and her head was sloshy almost, she was nauseous and felt like she could collaspe any second, but what calmed her nerves was the beautifully cold Egyptian desert air, it hit her everywhere. Starting at the back of her thighs, since now she was wearing tan baggy cargo pants that allowed her to feel the air, and it traveled up to her arms that were on display now that she had changed into a tight short sleeved black tee, nailah never really liked showing her arms, I mean sure it was normal to have stretch marks especially since she carried alot of muscle on her arms, but- okay nevermind she needed to get out of her head and focus on the air moving, an air she could control if she really wanted to.

Ma- steven was now finsihed with the map, quite literally making it into a star map, it was khonshu's voice that pulled her out of her zoned out trance. "I remember that night, I remember every (k)night" Khonshu called out to the three of them, and nailah was the first to follow, not even bothering to look at steven and layla, but steven was staring at her...- with heavily concerned eyes, but he needed to focus, hopefully after all of this he could actually have a chat with her, and layla both. Steven stood next to khonshu now with the girls behind the both of them, "I can turn back the night sky" khonshu sounded almost sullen, I mean he always sort of did, but this was a greater sullen than before, "but how" steven asked aloud, and nailah was now wondering the same thing because she remembered what the gods said they were going to do if khonshu messed with the sky again, and it worried her greatly, but there wasn't anything she could do now, unless Ra was willing to help. "It will come at a cost and, I cannot do it alone. Steven, when the gods imprison me, tell marc to free me" khonshu lifted his hand to the night sky as Steven's suit engulfed him and his hands reaced up along with the gods. It was absolutely breathtaking, the cold Egyptian sky now lit with brilliant purple colors, and flashes of white lights as the stars moved along a sort of axis like how the earth spun. Nailah was absolutely mesmerized, she felt like she could just reach up and touch the night sky, and so she lifted her hand, and her suit decided to engulf her, and for the first time in a long time Ra showed himself to the four of them helping khonshu, and Steven hold the sky in place.

Thats when khonshu began fading, practically turning into dust, but- but then Ra began to fade, not like how khonshu faded it was more of a, him turning transparent, and inevitably invisible. Steven's mask dissapeared off of his face, but nailah still felt the power surging through her. The gods had entrapped khonshu, and managed to somehow keep Ra from presenting him, only they couldn't contain his power. The light show had stopped and Steven just collapsed into the sand; Layla and nailah immediately were by his side. "Marc", "steven" layla and nailah both called out at the same time, oddly enough nailah called out for marc, while layla practically whispered Steven's name, both women staring up at each other in total panic, and then there were gun shots. Nailah was quick to jump in front of Layla shielding her from the bullets until they were both, and steven too were sent rolling down the sand dune, luckily enough it was right by the jeep they had used beforehand. Nailah hit her fucking head on the wheel of the jeep, pretty fucking hard too since it caused her to pass out, and now she understood why marc wore the mask. Layla was the one who managed to fight off arthurs men all by herself, and nailah took note of this when she woke up sometime after steven did, she was going to say something but her mind stopped her before she could, and again was now focused on what they truly came for even if the impending doom feeling was still there. It took the rest of the night, but finally the three had made it to the tomb, and while layla and Steven were..flirting?, (is that what that is?, its absolute pathetic) the voice in her head startled her, she didn't expect ra to still be able to talk too her and all that, but damn was she happy right now for it.

"If you two could stop flirting, and hurry up that would be lovely" nailah gritted out after seeing them kiss, was she jealous, no absolute not, just umm- yeah okay she was jealous fuck off. "Do you need a harness?" Bless layla for actually caring to ask, but all in all it made her smirk a bit, "oh no curls, I'll be peachy, see you inside". She showed off for sure, jumping straight down the hole and into a "superhero" pose with the biggest smirk on her face as the others followed, poor steven practically fell down the hole. "Come on we can't waste daylight" nailah whispered as they ventured into the tomb. While Steven and layla went one way, nailah ventured off without warning and went a different way then the other two, (wait, wait why are you doing this eclispe, they're going to get killed), gods she really wished Ra would make up his mind. "Oh now you want to fucking help them?, hmm, no, you strictly said to do this my way, or else they do die, so that's exactly what I'm going to do" nailah was fuming, every part of her body felt like cold fire right down to the blood streaming in her body. That's when she heard it, a scream, a crash, and something else, but then as she approached the source of the sound in an overspread of darkness, she was met with an ugly creature that launced itself right at her. She heard another loud yell as the monster on top of her got even closer to her face. Another crash, "fuck this" nailah growled, her eyes flickering gold, and a ray of beautiful, almost blinding bright light erupted from her hand, killing the zombie protector, and she ran. Steven on the other hand made it to the literal tomb, a literal tomb!, "I can't believe this is actually happening" Steven whisper yelled with a smile on his face. He reached the tomb carefully stepping on the stones as he made his way over. "So you kissed her?, both of them actually, did you like it?" Marc. Steven frowned slightly at the voice of the other, "yeah, I did like it actually, but that's not important right now innit?" Steven pushed the heavy sarcophagus lid aside, and as he looked inside his breath caught in his throat, "holy shit, I think we just found the lost tomb of alexander the great".

Nailah ran as fast as she fucking could to whatever she was hearing, but she stopped once she saw, harrow, harrow was standing right across from her on a seprate part of the tomb, divided by a huge hole, and apparently he saw her too. "Nailah amir, eclispe, the woman of war, the manipulator, the sunbird" Arthur called out, and nailah's hand immediately whipped out and her golden staff materialized itself, "don't you fucking call me that" nailah was angry, pissed, and fuming with fire. "What do you want harrow, I swear to the gods if you hurt any of them, I will make you beg for fucking mercy" her eyes flickered golden as she stared at the man in front of her. "Oh, I won't do anything, they'll do that themselves, I just got finished talking to the lovely layla, you should probably go check on them, but be warned nailah I will get what I want" Arthur's voice never wavered, and that just ticked her off. So she brought Arthur to his knees right in front of her, given she gracefully jumped to the other side, and now she was the one looking down upon harrow with her staff right under his chin. "No, you be warned harrow, you can hurt me, kill me even, I don't give a fuck what happens to me, but if you hurt her, or him, I will make you beg" nailah snarled out and landed a punch on his jaw before running to find layla and Steven. Nailah walked in right as marc began to front once more, so she stayed back, stayed behind the sarcophagus, "layla we need to go now, harrow's on his way here" nailah butted in quietly, and timid like, but that seemed to just piss Layla off some more and she pointed a finger right at nailah making nailah take a few steps back. "Layla please, we don't have time" nailah pleaded with the woman who was now stalking closer too her, "you knew didn't you, you knew, and you helped him bring a killer right towards my father" layla was angry and nailah understood, she did, but "and if we don't leave now layla we, WE are bringing a killer right too us", and that's exactly what happened. Harrow walked right through the entrance with his other cult men, and that caused marc and nailah both to stand side by side once again. Nailah clad in Ra's gifted armor, her staff materializing in her hand, while marc stood, tense in his normal, mundane clothes; two sides of one coin.

"You know I do have to thank all of you, for leading me right here, I truly owe you" nailah's eyes flickered gold and pratically stood in front of marc using her body as a shield. "Always the shield nailah, don't you ever get tired of it?" Without missing a beat, right after harrow spoke, nailah threw her staff straight at three of harrow's men, killing them, making nailah smirk at harrow, as marc hacked into Arthur's men with the axe he took from Alexander the greats tomb. Shit, shit, shit, nailah was frantically searching for layla, and at the same time nailah's eyes found her, another one of harrow's men found her too, "don't you fucking dare" nailah growled, and jumped up onto the mans shoulders using her literal thighs to snap his neck. Landing on her feet in front of marc, who was giving her a very intresting look, but she, she had that feeling again, the impending doom feeling, and instead of using that feeling to kill arthur harrow she used it to say three words to marc, right here, right now, "I love you" nailah whispered just loud enough to where he could hear it, before she turned around to see harrow..harrow with a gun. One loud shot rang in her ears, "marc.." she fell quiet, the bullet didn't hit her, it hit him, it, it hit him. No, no, no,..nailah wanted to scream, but she was frozen in place, and then another shot rang out, this time she saw it hit marc right in the chest. "NOO" nailah screamed. Her eyes flickered golden, she frantically searched for her staff until she looked up and, Arthur had it, he threw it, and nailah felt it, blood poured out of her mouth and it was all painted black like a beautiful vincent van gogh painting and maybe she should've listened to the gut feeling.

Eclispetaglist: @marcspectorspet @espurrispossessed @weaponb33 @comicobsessedhomo @that-yn-girl @daughterofthequeen @xoxoloverb @elliaze

[helloalycia]

just a kid [one] // wanda maximoff

summary: you're a field medic at the Avengers Tower and get into an accident where you hurt your head. It was only supposed to be a mild concussion, yet things don't seem to be going right when you try to remember the accident.

warning/s: mentions of violent/dark scenes.

author's note: here’s the first of a little two-parter I worked on not long ago, hope you all like it!

part two | masterlist | wattpad

I woke up with heavy eyes and an aching head, momentarily dazed.

"Hey there, Doctor Y/L/N... can you hear me okay?"

Breathing deeply, I found the energy to clear my throat and scan the view above me. I was laying down on a bed, in a hospital room, I think. The lights were ever so bright and I now knew how annoying it felt to wake up like this as my patients had.

"What happened?" I asked, eyes roaming around until they settled on my doctor. "Doctor Maya? What am I–? Why am I here?"

I recognised Doctor Maya as a colleague of mine, though unlike me, she was a doctor who worked at the Avengers Tower whereas I worked as a field medic so was more on the move. The only reason I'd be here is if I was in an accident. Was I? I wasn't sure.

"Something happened when you were on your last mission," she explained gently. "I– hold on. I'm going to get Miss Maximoff, okay?"

"Wanda?" I asked, furrowing my brows and pinching them to relieve the stress in my head. "Where is she? Is she here?"

"She just nipped out," Doctor Maya said, before backing up. "One second, Y/N."

She left the room momentarily, leaving me to try and remember what had happened. I was on the quinjet and was getting briefed with my team. There were casualties that we had to get to and an agent– an agent I was helping, yes!

I groaned, clutching my head when I tried to remember. Deciding I shouldn't push myself so soon, I waited until the doctor returned with Wanda. Maybe they could tell me how I ended up here. I wasn't exactly injured, at least not physically and that I knew of. My head hurt and that was about it.

The door to my room opened suddenly and I looked that way, seeing Wanda rushing in wearing her civilian clothing. The doctor followed soon after, gently closing the door behind her.

"You're awake," Wanda said with relief, stopping by my bedside. Her hand rested on mine, squeezing it comfortingly. "How are you feeling?"

I smiled upon seeing her, even if she was staring at me like I was a fragile piece of glass. We'd been dating for a while now and she always had the power to make me feel better with her presence.

"I'm alright," I promised. "Just a bit confused to what happened. The last thing I remember is going into the field. Then I woke up here."

She chewed on her lower lip, exchanging unreadable glances with the doctor.

"There was a mine that detonated near you when you were helping an injured agent," Wanda explained softly, and I opened my mouth to speak, but she quickly added, "The agent is okay before you ask. But you hit your head from the impact. Mild concussion."

"That's why your head hurts and you're having trouble remembering," the doctor said, earning my attention. "You should be feeling better soon. And I've got some medication for the pain."

Now that Wanda mentioned it, I did vaguely recall being thrown back by a blast. But remembering it was like watching a film with poor satellite, the screen fuzzing around the edges and remaining unclear even though you focused hard. I was sure it would return to me soon.

"Thanks," I said, before attempting to sit up straight. Wanda helped me as I looked to her with gratitude before paying my attention back to Doctor Maya. "Am I alright to leave?"

"Of course, yeah," she said, nodding quickly. "Feel free to come back if you have any trouble. You should be okay though."

I nodded and smiled gratefully before watching her leave. Sighing, I pushed my hair from my face and looked to Wanda who was hanging by me patiently, eyes twinkling with concern.

"I'm fine," I promised her with a knowing look.

She gave me a small smile – her way of saying I'm still worried, but I'll dial it down – then moved to the chair beside the bed and grabbed some clothes.

"You can change into this," she said about the clothes in her hand, and I was sure they were some of hers; mine must have been ruined from the mine. "And if you want, you can stay with me whilst you recover."

I raised my eyebrows as I accepted the clothes. "You sure? It's nothing serious. I can take care of myself."

She shrugged, eyes avoiding mine with embarrassment as her hands played with mine. "I wanna help. I like looking after you... plus, you've stayed at mine before. This isn't any different. And you can be closer to Doctor Maya in case anything is wrong."

I weighed the decision briefly before giving in, unable to resist how cute she was when she was worried. "Okay, yeah, sure, why not?" She smiled widely, and I added, "Any excuse to cuddle with you, right?"

She chuckled. "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Just let me get ready and we can head to your room. I'm actually a little tired."

She nodded and helped me up so I could get ready. I didn't think much of the whole thing, until later that night when I fell asleep beside Wanda.

My dreams never usually meant much. I wasn't one for reading into them, nor was I one to get seriously affected by 'nightmares', knowing they were usually a concoction of bad horror films and stupid ghost stories from my childhood.

But tonight was different.

It wasn't a dream and it wasn't a nightmare, but rather a memory that couldn't exist.

There was debris everywhere, a mixture of yellow rays blinding my sight with dark shadows looming over me. Destroyed buildings and scattered bodies – none were alive – surrounded me. The heat was too much, but I had a job. I knew I had a job, but I couldn't focus because of how fast my heart was racing, beating an incessant drum in my ears, and how rigid my body felt.

"Help!" a voice was shouting. A young girl, I think – she sounded like a kid. Who was it?

Before I could make sense of anything, I heard a loud noise, like an explosion, that sounded so close yet also extremely distant. Nonetheless, my eardrums weren't spared. The mine, maybe? Was this a memory? Was this how I got hurt?

I was thrown back, head hitting a wall, but I didn't pass out. There was a figure looming over me, short, like a child's shadow, but with no visible face or features. Nothing, actually, just a dark outline staring at me though I couldn't stare back because there was nothing to stare at.

The shouts for help returned, but it was distant like the explosion. I couldn't make sense of anything, and when I closed my eyes to blink, I opened them to find debris washing over me all over again, flying in the air along with my body. It had to be the explosion, my memory returning.

This time, when I hit the wall, I woke with a start. My eyes snapped open, taking in the dark room and nightly blue hue casting over the ceiling and walls. I swallowed hard, finding my breath, and raised my hand to gently massage my forehead. An aching pain was shooting all over, forcing me to sit up as slowly as I could as to not wake up Wanda, who appeared to be fast asleep beside me.

I checked the clock beside her bed and saw it was closing on half three in the morning. I went to bed around nine, which was also when I last had my medication. Doctor Maya said I could have it every five to seven hours and when I got a severe headache.

"I guess this counts...," I mumbled to myself, before grabbing the medication and bottle of water beside the clock.

I downed the two tablets within seconds before sitting upright for a few more minutes, needing a moment to myself before attempting to get back to sleep.

"Y/N...? Are you up?"

I winced at the sound of Wanda's groggy voice, immediately feeling bad for waking her. I turned around and saw her rubbing her eyes with one hand whilst blinking away her fatigue.

"Just have a headache, don't worry," I reassured quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "You can go back to sleep."

"Do you need me to get you anything?" she asked, finally able to keep her eyes open long enough to meet my gaze with her cloudy green ones.

I smiled through my exhaustion. "I'm okay, love. I've had some medicine."

"Well, I can get you something to–" she began, trying to make a move to sit up, but I pushed her back down gently.

"I'm okay," I repeated sternly, before slipping back into bed beside her. Wrapping an arm around her torso, I said, "Get back to sleep."

She nodded tiredly, getting comfortable and pulling me closer to her. I felt her arm wrap around me as I snuggled closer, relaxing in her embrace.

"Wake me if something is wrong," she mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you, too," I returned, kissing the closest thing to me which was her chest. "Goodnight."

Admittedly, it was still difficult for me to fall back asleep. It must have been no longer than ten minutes when I heard Wanda's breathing and felt the gentle rise and fall of her chest beneath me – she'd fallen back asleep. I sighed, slightly jealous, but stayed close to her and tried not to think about my accident or my weird dream/nightmare. Eventually, slumber found me.

The next morning, I didn't exactly feel well-rested, but I didn't want to concern Wanda nor draw attention to it as I knew it was probably just a rough first night. Instead, I let myself get distracted with Wanda wanting to cook me breakfast.

I soon found myself in the kitchen, sitting at the island and watching Wanda cook some pancakes for us both with an endearing smile on my lips. She was still in her pyjamas like me, her red hair pulled into a messy ponytail as an afterthought, and she radiated beauty. Right there, I could only wish my future looked exactly like this.

My moment of admiration was interrupted when someone came into the kitchen, earning our attention. It was Sam, one of the Avengers and a colleague of Wanda's.

"Good morning, ladies," he greeted with a smile. Already dressed for the day ahead, he asked, "Do I smell pancakes?"

"They're for Y/N, so back off," Wanda said playfully, pointing her spatula at him threateningly.

He raised his hands with defeat as I chuckled.

"Relax, I've got a shake," he said, grabbing said protein shake from the fridge. "Enjoy your pancakes." He glanced to me, expression softening as he added, "And I hope you feel better, Y/N. I heard about your accident."

"Thank you, Sam," I said gratefully, noticing the way Wanda flinched at his words. "I'm already feeling better, so..."

"That's great," he said genuinely, before looking between us. "I'll catch you guys later."

We both waved our goodbyes to him as he left. I wanted to question what was up with Wanda just then, but as Sam left the kitchen, the door slammed shut and startled me more than I thought it would. The noise sounded so familiar, so loud, kind of like what I heard last night in my dream. It must have been the mine when it exploded, a ghost of a memory that was returning. But that didn't seem right. Why didn't that seem right?

"Hey, Y/N, you okay?" Wanda asked, and I looked up, only to notice she was now standing by my side and looking down at me with concern.

I licked my lips, nodding. "Yeah, sorry, I just... yeah. I'm fine."

Her eyes were swimming with doubt, but she chose to say nothing. Instead, to my relief, she pulled me close, giving me a quick hug which I appreciated. As my head rested against her chest, I tried to ignore the familiar striking pain travelling around my forehead.

—

It was two nights later when another strange dream plagued my sleep. Similar to last time, there was a strange combination of scenes that I was sure I remembered and scenes that made no sense. This time though, all that I could feel was a tenseness in my whole body, like I was in a frozen state and my mind and body couldn't communicate. I couldn't move, paralysed by... fear? Shock? Disbelief? I didn't know what it was, but I woke up in the same way.

I'd heard of sleep paralysis, even experienced it a few times without realising. I think this was one of those times, with my body frozen in bed beside Wanda, but I didn't know it at the time. It just felt like a horribly-real dream. The room was dark, the familiar, yet unsettling, nightly blue hue casting shadows on the wall. But on the ceiling, bright and terrifying scenes played out before me. An explosion. Debris. Screaming.

None of it made sense and all I could feel was shock, horrified at how I couldn't move a muscle even if I tried. I tilted my head, seeing the alarm clock glowing red in the dark, letting me know it was past midnight. To the left, I saw a sleeping Wanda, lost in her dreams and unable to help me. I wanted to get up, run my hands over my face, have some water, open a window, do something. But I couldn't move. All I could do was watch the nightmare dance across the ceiling as my heart struggled to beat regularly and my lungs struggled to get enough oxygen.

I didn't know how long I was stuck like that, tears brimming my eyes and body paralysed with fear. But it finally ended and I opened my eyes, only to find the ceiling blank and myself able to move. Reluctantly, I lifted my hand, wiping the tears from my cheeks. It was just a dream (or form of sleep paralysis in hindsight). It wasn't real. But God, it felt horribly terrifying.

Admittedly, I was scared to go back to sleep for fear it would occur again. So, my eyes stayed wide awake, burning with exhaustion, and I continued to stare at the shadows on the wall, feeling my heart pounding in my ears.

I must have fallen asleep again at some point, as I woke up the next morning to Wanda getting out of bed. Sitting up in bed, I looked around and found the fear of last night wearing off now that the room was bathed in the morning light. Still, I was more shaken than I thought.

Not wanting to draw attention to it though, I let the day go on as usual, deciding to appreciate the free time I had from work to spend with Wanda. We decided to go to the park for a walk – Wanda thought it would help get me out of the Tower and I was hoping the fresh air would give me some clarity and help me to recover.

Only, it did the opposite.

We were walking hand in hand, myself listening to Wanda as she chatted about something that happened in training. If I'm being honest, I wasn't really listening; my thoughts were preoccupied with the jumbled mess that was my mind. Glimpses of memories were dancing across my head, teasing me with elements of the truth I couldn't quite make out.

My eyes drifted around mindlessly, settling on a little girl playing by the swings with her parents. I didn't think much of it, but then the familiar shouts for help from my nightmare plagued my mind, making me flinch. The dark, looming shadow returned and I suddenly felt a headache coming on, the pressure against my brain making me nauseous.

I stopped abruptly, letting go of Wanda's hand. She stopped speaking, turning around and furrowing her brows with concern.

"Hey, Y/N, what's wrong?" she asked, and I winced, clutching my head to relieve the pain.

The wave of nausea left after a moment, but the headache remained. I heard Wanda repeat my name quietly, sensing my discomfort.

"I think I need to see Doctor Maya again," I finally found my words.

"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked, resting a hand on my cheek and tilting my head up to meet her eyes. "You can tell me."

Her eyes were reassuring, calming me in an instant. I wanted to tell her everything, but I didn't want to burden her with my anxieties, so I offered her a small smile.

"I just don't think my recovery is as straightforward as I thought," I settled. "She may be able to help."

Wanda chewed her lower lip, nodding slowly. Thankfully, she didn't question me anymore. Instead, she took me back to the Tower to see Doctor Maya. I was grateful as she waited with me for her to be free, until I had to convince her I'd be okay going in myself.

"Are you sure? I don't mind," she said, exchanging looks with Doctor Maya, who looked away quickly.

I glanced between them, mildly confused, but nodded to Wanda. "I'd rather go alone, Wanda. I'll be okay."

She nodded, squeezed my hands comfortingly, then let me go. When I headed into Doctor Maya's office, she took a seat behind her desk and motioned for me to sit before her.

"You said this was urgent," she spoke first, after I took a seat opposite. "Is everything okay?"

I licked my lips, looking down at my hand as it scratched the arm of the chair nervously. "No... not really."

After a moment of hesitation and partial embarrassment, since I knew this was only supposed to be a mild concussion that felt like so much more, I explained everything that happened to Doctor Maya. The odd dreams/nightmares, the headaches, the overlapping memories and sleep paralysis. As hard as it was to relive, I told her everything in hopes she had an answer that maybe I hadn't realised.

When I finished speaking, she looked distracted with her own thoughts. I waited patiently, watching as she nodded to herself before looking to me calmly.

"It doesn't seem like anything to worry about, truthfully," she said, which I didn't expect. "You suffered a mild concussion, yes, but it must have rattled you more than we thought. The dreams and trouble sleeping are a result of your headaches and returning memories. You do remember what happened, right?"

I nodded, though something felt incorrect. "I think so, yes. I was helping an agent when a mine went off. I was thrown back, covered in debris. Hit my head."

She hummed. "Yes... and you're taking your medication?"

Another nod. "Of course. I just want to get better. The sooner I do, the sooner I can return to work."

"Then it seems that your only opponent is stress and impatience," she said simply. "You need to relax. Keep taking your meds. Try not to worry about returning to work just yet. Focus on getting better. I can prescribe you some sleeping pills if you think that will help."

Sighing disappointedly, I nodded. I was expecting more to be honest, possibly an explanation. Her words made sense logically, but it still didn't feel right. Nonetheless, I didn't want to hold her up any longer, so I let her prescribe me some more medication before leaving. Maybe I'd give relaxing a shot.

—

"It's a meatball."

I stifled a laugh as I studied the oddly shaped ball of meat in Wanda's hand. "Is it?"

She narrowed her eyes playfully. "It is otherwise you're making your own meal."

I laughed, pressing a haste kiss to her cheek. "Okay, okay, it's a meatball. Add it to the tray."

We were cooking spaghetti and meatballs for dinner about six days after my incident out in the field. I was still staying with Wanda at the Tower, and I was taking Doctor Maya's advice with my recovery. I didn't worry myself with returning to work which, admittedly, helped out, and the sleeping pills knocked me out long enough to get a good sleep. Though, sometimes the nightmares would still return. I didn't think about them too much though, not wanting them to hinder my recovery. Instead, I focused on getting better with my very supportive girlfriend by my side.

Wanda added the meatball to the baking tray, alongside the others, but as she reached to form another one from the bowl full of minced meat, she accidentally knocked it to the floor. The meat splattered across the tiles, making her gasp.

"Shit," she cursed, eyes widening slightly.

"Very clever," I teased with a smile.

"Let me just–"

"I got it," I cut her off, already bending to clear it up. "Just put the tray in the oven, yeah? Try not to drop it."

"Ha-ha, very funny."

I looked up in time to see her rolling her eyes playfully, but she grabbed the tray as I said.

I kneeled down, scooping the meat up and throwing it in the bowl, knowing it would have to go in the bin now. As I did, I realised how familiar the meat looked. Pink and flesh-like, covering my hands and sticking to me. Suddenly, my hands were shaking, the fleshy bits surrounded by blood, and I tried to blink away the sight, expecting to just see minced meat, but I couldn't. They were covered in what I somehow knew was the flesh of body parts.

Startled, I fell back onto my butt, my back hitting the drawer behind me and pulling me from my daydream. Wanda looked down at me with confusion, before sensing something was wrong and leaning down beside me. She rested a hand on my head, thumb stroking my forehead.

"What's wrong?" she asked, confused eyes staring between me and my hands which were still shaking. She grabbed the tea towel from the counter above us before wiping my hands for me and holding them. "Y/N. This has happened a few times. Please tell me what happened."

I was still shaken, unsure why there was a discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I risked glancing at my hands, which were clean and no longer covered in human fle– I mean, meat.

"I don't know what's going on," I finally admitted to her, shaking my head. "It's like my thoughts aren't my own. I can't control them. I just keep seeing stuff that isn't real."

She frowned, eyes peering through mine patiently.

"I still can't remember what happened with the mine," I said, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "It's like, I know what happened and I know it's real, but when I try to remember, it just doesn't happen quite right. The picture doesn't appear. And I don't know why."

She pressed her lips together, jaw clenching slightly. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but her eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"What did the doctor say?" she asked lowly.

I sighed, the discomfort still lining my stomach. "She thinks I just need time."

Wanda nodded, finally lifting her gaze. "Maybe she's right."

I knitted my brows together with frustration, nudging her away and standing up. "I don't need time! I'm a doctor, too. I know it shouldn't take this long. It was a mild concussion. I've treated hundreds of those."

"Y/N–"

"Just forget it," I said with exasperation, pulling away from her as she tried to reach out again. I knew it was uncalled for, taking it out on her for no reason, but I was too frustrated with the situation to care. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk."

She sighed from behind me, running a hand through her hair. I left her in the kitchen, suddenly not in the mood to eat. Clearly all of Doctor Maya's advice wasn't working – what I was experiencing wasn't normal. I needed to see her again.

So, after cleaning my hands properly and having a walk around the Tower to clear my head (as expected, it didn't work), I headed to Doctor Maya's office, hoping she was still in work today. To my surprise, when I reached her office, I saw her door was slightly ajar and she was already speaking to someone. My intention wasn't to eavesdrop, but when I heard my name said in a hushed whisper from a familiar voice, I knew I had to stay.

"...can't say anything," Wanda finished. "She'll get better."

Doctor Maya sounded frustrated. "It's not right, Miss Maximoff. This is against everything I stand for. Against everything Y/N stands for, too, I'm sure."

"This is for her benefit," Wanda snapped, before taking a deep breath. "Look, she can't handle the truth. It'll break her... I haven't worked out the kinks, but it'll be okay. She'll get better."

What the hell were they talking about? What truth could I not handle? Wanda and the doctor were in on something together, something they didn't want me to know... and it was something to do with why I was feeling like how I was. I knew I wasn't going insane – something was wrong!

I left them to it with plans of seeing the doctor afterwards, not wanting to get caught, and tried to wrap my head around the fact that Wanda had been keeping something from me this whole time. How could she? I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I thought that we could trust each other.

What was she hiding?

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

comfort

Peter just wants to lay down with you but there's something that kinda makes him uncomfortable and you try to confront him about it...

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem!reader

Status: dating

Warning: mentions of bra's

Y/n's POV

I was laying on peters bed liking the tiktoks that I thought were funny and saving the ones I wanna do for later when Peter suddenly opens the door mumbling a few incoherent words then I can tell he sensed me since he looked up so quickly, eyes wide open and a small smile, getting bigger by the second, appeared on his lips.

"Babyyyyyy" he quickly took his shoes and jacket off and flopped on the bed his head resting on my stomach while his arms hugged my lower belly.

"Oof" I laughed since he basically jumped on me, he looked up resting his chin on my stomach

"I'm sorry did I hurt you y/n/n?" He whispered voice as soft as butter

"No it didn't hurt, it was just unexpected" I smiled playing with his soft hair "come closer, I wanna hug you" I made grabby hands and he just laughed, resting his head on my chest now, hugging my waist his legs were between mine so I crossed them around his middle and wrapped my arms around his neck kissing his head once in a while

He shifted a couple of times, making me think he's just trying to get comfortable so I ignored it, but he shifted again and silently huffed. He gave in for a few minutes then lifted his head up again to peck my lips and lay next to me.

I got very confused coz usually I'd have to make him move but he's never done this before, it made me kinda sad to be honest. Did I do something wrong? Omg do I smell bad? Does my shirt smell bad?

At first I didn't say anything since he looked unbothered and I was anything but that, I mean if you think about it, would you like your boyfriend to randomly stop cuddling you for no reason and just lay beside you? Is he mad at me?

Our cuddles would last for hours! And this one didn't even last for 10 minutes! I turned around seeing him looking at his phone with his left hand and his other is draped around my waist

"So what do you wanna order, babe?" He looked up his brown eyes hopeful for food

"Oh uh" so he's not mad at me? "W-Whatever you w-want" I silently cursed at myself for being nervous, now he'll get suspicious. And in fact he did.

"Oookay? You okay bubba?" He tilted his head? Caressing my cheek for a moment before setting his gaze on his phone again to order some food

"Yeah yeah I'm fine, it's jus- nothing no I'm fine" He nodded slowly not really convinced but let it go, for now. He laid on his side, his right hand supporting his body, leaned in and kissed me. As a way to make sure that I'm not mad at him or anything. I obviously kissed back not wanting to seem more suspicious than I already was.

He pulled away smiling, his eyes adoring my face. I would be a psycho if I didn't smile from that look.

"Ok well I'll go set up the ingredients so we can make brownies after, sounds good?" I only nodded still smiling. But that didn't convince him so he started kissing my forehead down to my nose to my lips a couple times making me laugh.

"Ok ok! We're gonna make brownies" i verbally agreed this time. He nodded happily and left the room, all the doubt I had were long gone.

The food arrived to our luck and we stuffed our face with the delicious hot meal, Peter also got my favorite drink AND were about to make brownies so to say I was happy was an understatement.

"OOOH GIRL YOU'RE SHINING" I was mixing the brownie batter swaying my hips to the song 'classic' by MKTO, while Peter took my spatula and used it as a microphone running around the kitchen singing his heart out

"LIKE THE FIFTH AVENUE DIAMONDDD" he pointed at me and I laughed "AND THEY DONT MAKE YOU LIKE THEY USED TO, YOURE NEVER GOING OUT OF STYLEEE" he shook his head as if he's confirming the lyrics and we continued on well, I continued on finishing the brownies

but Peter did make an effort, he sprayed the pan and sprinkled the chocolate chips. And he said and I quote he did "the most important parts for making a brownie"

"I WANNA THRILL YOU LIKE MICHEAL" he made the thriller dance moves while sprinkling the chocolate chips "I WANNA KISS YOU LIKE PRINCE" he turned around trapping me between him and the counter behind me, grabbed me by the back of my neck and kissed me until the chorus came in. And i couldn't contain my laughter by the sudden energy my boyfriend got from the food.

"YOURE OVER MY HEAD, IM OUTTA MY MIND. THINKIN' I WAS BORN AT THE WRONG TIME" he suddenly pulled away belting the rest of the song "BABY YOURE SO CLASSIC" we both sung together after he stopped me from putting the pan in the oven claiming its 'too dangerous' and he doesn't want me to get hurt, i mean can you blame him? I'm a totally clutz.

"Ok so why don't we watch something while we're waiting for the brownies?" He suggested putting on the timer.

"Sure" I suddenly jumped on his back (but he still caught me) waiting for him to go to the living room. He laughed at the sudden clinginess (he lovedddd it) and walked out of the kitchen. "TO INFINITY AND BEYONDDDD" he shouted sprinting to the living room. And I squealed from the sudden movement.

"Take the remote, babe" he turned so I can take the remote from the shelf.

"Got it" then flopped us on the couch, causing us to laughed. The jump made me cuddle him as the big spoon while his back rested in my front as the little spoon. At first everything was okay, the first 10 minutes of our favorite show was watched at peace but then the shifting began again. Am I making him uncomfortable?

"Babe, what's wrong? You've been doing this everytime we're cuddling today?" I asked him, so done with the feeling I'm getting.

"Uhhh" but to my luck...

*dinggg*

the oven dinged alerting us that the brownies' finished "oh looks like our brownies are done I-I-I'll go get them!" He rushed to the kitchen and I huffed in annoyance.

The rest of the night went smoothly, but I still had the pang of guilt in my heart. I wanted to know what wrong. so enough is enough, I turned my attention away from series to my boyfriend.

"Pete?" He somehow sensed the hurt in my voice and immediately turned to my side cupping my cheeks

"Baby what wrong?" His eyes scanned my face

"N-Nothing it's just- am I uncomfortable?" I didn't know what to say but hopefully he got the message

"W-what? Why would you say that?" The tv was long gone now he caressed my checks with his thumb trying to soothe the tension

"Well, everytime we've been cuddling you'd shift away, I don't wanna sound clingy or anything but y-you've never done that before" suddenly feeling ashamed and embarrassed by question, I couldn't even look at him in the eye. His eyes widened in shock and his face was full of guilt

"Baby it's nothing I swear, you did nothing wrong. He pulled me in so I could sit on his lap, his hands caressed my jaw slightly admiring my features.

"Then what happened?" My voice croaked not believing him by the second.

"Well it's jus-" his cheeks suddenly became darker, the heat risen to the tip of his ears and on his neck. I was confused to why he suddenly got all flustered.

"Pete it's fine, you can tell me" I rested my forearm on his shoulders slightly touching the small hairs that are on the nape of his neck.

"N-no it's just uh ur b-bra is uncomfortable so I just decided to sleep next to y-you inste-ad" he squeaked out, eyes closing from embarrassment. Wait- what?

"What?" A small smile crept on my face, and my mind suddenly pieced everything together, the material of my shirt is rather thin, he hugged my stomach first then I told him to come closer, he shifted a couple times due to the wiring! Oh my god how could I be so stupid?

"Y-Your b-bra, there's nothing wrong with it and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything it's just, I didn't know they put metal on a piece of clothing?" He tilted his head confused.

"Yeah" I nodded laughing "well there's like a wiring around my chest like under my boobs" I showed him the area from his shirt. And I could tell he got even more flustered when I said 'boobs' coz his posture immediately stiffened again.

"We can talk about it pete it's fine, it's normal to communicate in what make you uncomfortable, in fact it's important!" I assured him

"Well I just thought you'd get more comfortable if you were wearing it and if I say something you'd have to take it off or something" he looked down at his lap, I could not believe this boy, he'd think I'd purposely wear a bra even if I didn't have to?

"Believe me, if I didn't have to wear this 'thing' I wouldn't, it's hurts so much at the end of the day since the wiring basically suffocates you" his eyes shot up immediately when he heard 'hurt' and tilted his head.

"Then why would you wear it if it hurts you?" Now it was my turn to get flustered

"Uhh well I just thought maybe you'd get uncomfortable" I nervously laughed

"No no Baby I want you to be nothing but comfortable around me, you don't have to wear you're bra infront of me or when we're hanging out. I looked at him lovingly, proud of how he handled the situation, respectfully and kindly. I leaned in so our lips could briefly touch and mumbled a

"Thanks Pete"

"You're welcome" he replied "now please kiss me" I laughed at his eagerness but Peter didn't have any of it and smashed our lips together.

"Wanna get ready for bed?" He slowly pulled away but right after the words left his mouth he kissed me again

"Yes" we finally pulled away, for real this time. And went or his bedroom. I was already wearing sweats and the thin t-shirt so I was ready to go. Peter came out of the bathroom now in his flannel sweats and a grey t-shirt flopping on the bed and taking me with him. I squealed trying to stop the fall but obviously failing. I stood up again trying to find my bag causing Peter to whine.

"Baaaaabe where are you going?" He whined

"Taking off my bra so we can cuddle, I missed our cuddles since you couldn't give me any today" I fake pouted, taking the bra off and putting it in my backpack. Peter cheeks turned red again turning his head immediately after looking at my laced black bra.

"You okay there hun?" I smirked at his flustered state

"Y-yeah everything's great" he shook his head and grabbed me again, turning us around so he can lay on my stomach

"Better?" I whispered my hands immediately going to his luscious curls.

"Much" he kissed the exposed part of my stomach and covered both of our bodies with his duvet. "I love you" he closed his eyes sighing in content

"I love you too" I replied although I'm not sure he listened since immediately after he talked I heard little snores from him. Finally closing my eyes feeling nothing, but pure happiness.

Idk what this is but I thought of it yesterday and decided to try and make it come to life 😂 tell me ur thoughts! And if u have any requests my inbox is always open :)

Have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

[shadowturtlesstuff]

You belong with me

so i decided to post wadsworth first. modern au cressworth- you belong with me taylor swift

Thomas throws his phone down on the bed with frustration swirling around him as he paces. I set down my pen and wait till he turns and spots me. We often find ourselves talking via paper throughout the nights, from questions about our day to helping each other study. It is also often we watch each other be angry at something, yet I've not seen him this bad before. Finally Thomas turns and catches my eye. He stands there for a second before smiling and I quickly move around my various workbooks till I find my notebook I use to talk to him. I take my sharpie and write: ‘Are you okay?’

I watch him shake his head ever so slightly, seemingly baffled at it, but he walks to his window and opens it. The wind brushes his deep brown hair and I can't help but want to reach out and run my hand through it. I curse myself for it as he motions for me to open my window. Moving my books and pens off of me and cursing at my stiff leg as I go and open the window. Somehow I manage to hit my arm in the process and I curse, which makes Thomas laugh slightly so I forgive my body for hurting me. 

“You have a wicked mouth Wadsworth. Did you not learn cursing is unlady-like?” he teases and I relax slightly because of it.

“Fuck you,” I scowl at his smirk and the frigid wind. His eyes light up at my temper. We live across from one another, if we were to reach out we could hold hands. Which we have done. When I got rejected from the specific school I was desperate to go to, Thomas had managed to climb into my room and hold me as I cried. He's only ever needed to climb over twice to cheer me up, the other times have been to study or watch some romance programme he thought was good. I hoped wherever was troubling was something that wouldn't resort to me having to climb over. As much as I would want to, my brain may have a hard time letting me attempt it. 

“I assume dear Wadworth, you want to ask what has made me so irate?” he asks, eyes focused on behind me and fingers tapping his window sill as he sits. I watch as his cat, ridiculously named Sir Isaac Mewton, jumps off his bed and onto his seat next to him. He grabs the cat and kisses the top of his head before holding him in his lap.

“Perhaps,” I say, moving so I rest my head on the wall, “perhaps I merely wanted to ask if Sir Issac was okay.” his eyes shift to mine and despite him still being angry they soften at my attempt at humour. I am not as good as Thomas at using humour to help someone, but he always does it for me. 

“Really? You always refer to him as a little pest, whereas as with me, I am your dearest person, of course you want to know how I am feeling. My son is good though, very energetic today.” he smiles down at his cat. I remember the day he brought him home, he made me go over to his house and we spent all night playing with him. Thomas did, I ended up studying and making notes for the both of us while he gave Sir Isaac a ‘grand tour’ of his new home. The smile vanishes off Thomas's face and once again his gaze goes past me. “I assume you saw the call, well that was William. Yes, awful. Apparently though, there is a rumour that I'm with Miss Whitehall. I don't even remember her first name, but he was convinced of our relation despite my protests. Madness.” I watch him scoff, anger once again taking over his features. His cat nuzzles into him and Thomas leans into his cat. If I wasn't also mad now I'd smile at the sight. 

“Is this the same William that had convinced everyone I was dating him?” 

“Yes.”

“Bitch. Why on earth is he such a problem? Where on earth does he even make this assumptions about us?'' I find myself standing and pacing, trying to quell my own rising anger. A year ago, William had been my lab partner for a few weeks, he was friendly, but people had got it in their head that we were somehow together, and he went with it. Gossiped about me, even Thomas, and then was somehow enraged I dared to stop those rumours and be angry at him. I'd come home one day when it was particularly too much, when my father had found out and lectured me about it, as though I was in the wrong for standing up for myself. He'd cancel my lesson with my uncle out of spite, and I stormed upstairs. Thomas had been at the window, as if he was expecting me. One look at his face made me cry. I managed to open my window and he'd once again climbed in and held me as I cried. Then he made us watch this awful romance film together and held me still as I fell asleep on him. 

“I have never once,” Thomas says, dragging me back from those awful memories, “shown interest in her, nor will I ever.” He drags a hand through his hair. “She's just- a lot.”

I huff a sigh. She is awful. Had been awful to Liza and I for years. With her short skirts, high heels and the most rotten attitude I have ever witnessed. It wasn't often that I'd hate someone like that, someone so different from me in nearly every way, but she has tried to make me feel that I don't belong because of my interest in science and not the traditional girl interests.. “That is the understatement of the year Cresswell. Beside, you wouldn't work, she's too- your,” I have no idea how to explain how excellent Thomas is, how wonderful his mind is and how kind he is. It's not a side he shows to most, yet if he was ever with someone like Whitehall, it would be disastrous. I take my seat again and find him looking at me, suppressing a smirk and raising an eyebrow at me. “What?” I ask. I shrink under his gaze, pulling my hoodie over my legs as I curl in on myself. 

“I’m what? I'd be delighted to know your innermost thoughts of me, Wadsworth.”

“Your absurd but fine I'll elaborate,” I roll my eyes as he shifts so he is fully facing me, eyes completely focused, no sign of the anger he had only moments ago, “your too kind, too witty and clever and Whitehall wouldn’t appreciate you enough. You-” don’t belong with her.

Ever since he mentioned the idea of being with someone else, real or not, I have tried to ignore how much it pained me that he would be with someone else. I never expected to want to be with him, yet lately the premise of dating him has seemed very pleasing to me.

“You forgot to mention how handsome I look, or how charming I am, but I'll take it,” his voice is deeper than normal and his gaze travels over me even though his eyes are on my own. Thomas pats Sir Issac and his cat jumps off behind him with a whine. His hand reaches out for mine and I lean forward, wind making my loose strands of hair fly across my face. His hands are warm as I take them but his smile warms me more. It is small but genuine and filled with the normal Cresswell charm mixed with something I can't quite name. 

“I don’t need to inflate your ego further Thomas.” 

“I know but it would've been nice. I did say the inner most thoughts but we’ll get there. Audrey rose-” he looks down contemplating his words before he once again locks his gaze on mine, his dark brown eyes bright, “I dont belong with her, your right, my heart would never belong to her especially since it already belongs to someone else.” 

I blink at the honesty. I want to scream that you belong with me; but if Thomas is in love with someone else then I suppose I will have to find a way to deal with it. I try to keep the hurt of my face even as he smiles at me. 

“I-” Thomas lets go of my hand and stands. There's a silence between us until he motions for me to move. The idiot is going to climb into my house so he can tell me about his new found love. Like the fool I am, I'm going to let him talk about this girl who makes him look this happy. Even though it hurts that it's not me who is making him look like that. Even though I'm the one who makes him laugh when he is angry or upset. Even though I'm the one who knows his favourite songs, the books beside his bed and all his hopes and dreams.

He climbs over and sets himself on the window sill, giving me room to sit across from him. I do, even as I try to ignore the weight pressing down on my chest. “I hope you are happy with whomever has your heart Cresswell.” I say and mean it. I once again curl into myself, hoodie covering my legs as i watch him continue to smile at me, 

“Of course I'll be happy. She's amazing. Let me tell you all about her. I met her many years back and was instantly smitten with her emerald eyes and her quick witted mind. How she sings to herself every morning and how her dark curls fall across her face whenever she sits on her bed and reads. I adore her curiosity for the dead and how wicked her mouth is and how delightful it is to watch your mind at work. I love when she shows me a note through the window to see if I'm doing okay and-”

“Wait,” I blurt out, my mind catching up, “Thomas, are you talking about me?”

“Yes, finally! I thought I'd have to keep speaking forever till you realized it was you.” He starts laughing at my gaping mouth until I collect myself enough to scowl at him slightly for laughing. Thomas reaches out for my hand, moving closer to me until my back is pressed against the wall, my hoodie no longer over my legs as he rests his other hand on my leg, warmth seeping through me. “Wadsworth, darling, I have been in love with you for some time now.” 

Silence washes over us as we stare, trying to convince ourselves this is really happening. “I have something to show you.” My voice is barely about a whisper and I slide out of his grasp even though I don't want to. I walk to my bed where all my notebooks were left open and my notebooks sits. I open it out and let a piece of paper fall out. Facing Thomas I open the sheet slowly, watch him read the words. His eyes lit up at them.

I love you.

I take my place beside him again, his hands finding their way in mine once again. “I wrote that the night after you came here the second time. Something in me clicked that no matter what you'd find a way to comfort me. Not save me, but work alongside me. I wanted to tell you I just couldn't face it. But I needed to acknowledge it. So I wrote it down, and I look at it every time we use the note system; I try to convince myself to show you.” Thomas just stares at me, eyes flicking down to my lips every now and then. His hands are making circles on my leg, not entirely intentional. Thomas has always shown if he is excited or nervous by either tapping or making shapes on surfaces. The world slows completely as he leans in and presses his lips against mine. He pulls back ever so slightly, resting his head against mine and we are both smiling wildly at each other, pressing kisses until he leans further away. Thomas goes back to his side of the wall, which may as well be across the other side of the world, then he pulls me to him and I twist so that my back is against his. He holds me as we both look out the window, enjoying the freeing feeling of telling each other how we feel. 

“Now would be a perfect time to tell me how handsome I am, my love.” 

@fangirling-again @kittycat2187 @goatahoan @city-of-fae @the-hoofflepooff @padfoot-sirius-black-blog @purplecreatorhorsewagon @boredbookwormgirl @goddess-of-writing-wars @lovecakeandmore ​ @yikesitsmaddie @loveyatopluto​ @throneofsc @bookscressworth​