#so i am not lonely rn

[dokyeomini]

i do feel like ... physically ill after it tho

[shivroy]

hold me

[treasureplcnet]

also quite obsessed with karl being as detached from the story as he is. there's nothing that makes him have to be the detective that has to be involved, but he unknowingly dooms himself by agreeing to work with the KYAL cult. every other detective basically deals with elias head on except weissman, who only meets him right before he kills him. like he's right when he says "by my choices" because everything that leads him to being mixed up with the mannix cult is himself. it's the gambling debts and the choice to do the dirty work for an organisation he knows nothing about. he's the only one that doesn't encounter that body doing police work and it's specifically because he's told to cover it up. he gets himself into the mess and eventually fixes it but the fact that esther always dies in the doomed timelines and he's always too late even if he starts wanting to change things ("till this child. esther.") it just makes me very ill

[moodyseal]

THE LITTLE HINT ABOUT XIE LIAN'S PARENTS' DEATH IN THE NEW EPISODE IS MAKING ME WEEP LIKE. WHAT. WHAT

[chryblossomjjk]

ot7 enlistment reality is starting to sink in

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

[overseeer]

!!!! my good friend @pineappical completed two commissions for me and oh. oh my god. theyre so PRETTY. tysm dude ❤❤

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

[eyedle]

That single queer person moment when you finish watching or reading some lgbtq+ media and then feel that deep profound yearning and sadness for something you have never experienced and may never experience.

[theflyingfeeling]

wow it's gonna be -32 in Oulu tomorrow, I hope Olli is happy

[nextstopparis]

me explaining how everything would’ve been different after bbc merlin episode 2.08 the sins of the father if morgause had juST USED THAT DAMNED CRYSTAL SOONER and seen arthur actually fighting uther and being lied to and manipulated back into thinking uther was right because tHEN SHE COULDVE SOUGHT HIM OUT BUT ALONE THIS TIME AND DEFENDED HERSELF AND GOTTEN ARTHUR ON HER SIDE and then when she reached out to morgana the three of them would’ve teamed up and brought uther to his knees

[homosociallyyours]

...

[the-lokal-homo]

If there is one thing that Mateo is right about, then it's that. What I mean with that? I mean the whole "is cap better or is iron man better" thing in season 2 episode 3. He is right! That the whole thing. None is better, they're both different people with different skills, that are useful at different times. It makes me so happy that, for once, this it spoken about correctly!

Even the whole "everything special about you came out of a bottle" scene in the Avengers is supposed to show how wrong they are about each other, how they are more than Manny people see in them. I mean, by the end if the movie, they both proven each other wrong, and they even say so. Soooooo yeah...

[atlaskrr]

Just had one of my worst break downs ever and here i thought i was getting better 😃 i cant tell if its some weird ass anxiety attack, if im genuinely on the course to developing bpd (praying on my life not cause that shit will ruin my life frfr) or if im in a rlly shitty depressive episode recently and this is just its LOWest point.

[crepusculum-rattus]

i think one of the most tragic things abt cphil is the fact that not only is he immortal, he also remembers it all

[amiru-shrubfeast]

I get it now i actually finally get it now after 22 years i understand what it feels like to have someone you can be gentle and tender and caring for i finally get why people just stare at someone for hours without saying anything i finally truly understand what people mean when they just want to spend time with someone i finally know how wonderful a loving touch feels like and how cruel it is to no longer feel it

I finally fucking know and it eats me up