#so i may be subconsciously trying to avoid having to post him

[gamebunny-advance]

*Exhale*

Alright, I've been teasing it long enough. Anyone that's been paying attention has probably figured out what my oh-so secret project has been (not that it's going to stop me from vague-posting about it), and he really is close to being finished.

Face-up. Done. (Though I would like to touch-up where the paint has chipped)

Clothes. Painted.

Wig. Styled.

I literally just need to put the fringe on his scarf, but for whatever reason, I've just been hit with this wave of fatigue since about the time I wrote the last confessions post (frankly, if you ever see me writing/posting long-ass posts, it's because I've lost the energy to use my hands to make things).

I guess I just burned myself out from making both him and Kun3h0 at the same time, that when Kun3h0 got finished, my whole body shut down having felt relief from "completing" the project. To be fair, this has been going on since at least mid-Janurary, so I am more than ready to close the book on this one.

I'll try to finish him within the month, but there are also a lot of other things going on with me ATM, so I wouldn't hold me to it.

[obeyme-and-myfics]

Prompt: Y/N had a nightmare and asks comfort

Characters: Barbatos, Diavolo, Simeon, and Solomon

✨🌸Fluff🌸✨

Y/N is going to be gender neutral to the best of my abilities. They/Them Pronouns, and I’m going to try and avoid gendered descriptors <3 Also tysm for all the love on the last post! I really appreciate it and I'm glad I could feed my fellow simps (✿◡‿◡)

I'm also gonna apologize now for possibly being out of character for anyone and also not adding Mephisto, Thirteen or Raphael. I Haven't met them yet so I don't want to write for them just yet but I will in the future. Anyway onwards to the story (╯▽╰ )

TW/CW: Not describing what was in the nightmare but if that ambiguity bothers you and makes your mind spiral please don’t read and have a wonderful night, 

Part 1 | Part 2(here)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N jolted upright, holding their chest as it felt as if their heart would run away. They tried to calm their breathing and their thoughts, unable to shake the horrors their subconscious cruelly subjected them to. They took some deep breaths and manage to calm themself enough to look at the time. They squinted as their D.D.D lights up and the numbers display on the screen. It was late. They wondered if it may be too late to ask for comfort from someone. Taking another deep breath both to sooth their shaky hands and for some courage, they opened their contacts to make a phone call.

Diavolo

Y/N stared at Diavolo's contact for a moment. Sure he certainly wouldn't mind comforting them in this time of need, in fact he'd be eager to help his human but the real problem came with his royalty status. He was a very important man and they didn't want to stop him from performing his royal duties. They bit their lip and breathed in before clicking the call button. The phone rings for a bit before he picked up.

"Y/N!" his voice raspy and tired like he had just woken up, yet still sounding excited as he spoke, "what are you doing up so late? Is there something you need?"

"Yeah it is late," Y/N laughed a little, "I was wondering if you could stay on the phone for a bit," they made their quiet request shyly.

"Might I ask why?" Dia questioned, now intrigued by such a simple request.

"I had a nightmare and I really don't want to be alone," they felt their cheeks heating up with embarrassment as the demon prince let out a soft chuckle.

"Of course I can do that for you. Are you sure you just want me to stay on the phone? It would be much easier to comfort you in person," his voice softened, taking on a loving tone with not a trace of mockery.

"I mean yeah but I don't want to bother you too much. You probably have more important things to attend to."

"In this moment, you're the most important thing I have to tend to. I'll be there momentarily, be patient for me, okay?" he hung up, and left Y/N a bit flustered.

They rushed down the halls, and to the front door. Y/N paced around impatiently unlike what Diavolo had requested of them. They were excited yet anxious, worried about possibly making Dia lose sleep but happy to be held. Diavolo soon walked in, a grin decorating his features. Their worries washed away the instant their eyes met his.

He spoke up in a cheerful yet hushed tone as he shut the door as to not wake the rest of the dormitory, "Y/N, Thank you for being patient. I'll make sure you're comfortable and back to bed in an instant."

Barbatos

Y/N hesitated before calling the demon butler, unsure of whether or not he'd appreciate them being even more work for him. Barbatos had a lot of responsibility and little time to rest, seeing as he was the butler of the next king of Devildom. They sighed and internally gave themself a little pep talk before calling his number. The phone was ringing for only a second before Barbatos picked up.

"Good evening Y/N," he greeted, formal as ever with all my adoration of course, "is there a reason you're calling so late?"

"Yeah there is a reason.. I just need someone to talk to, I don't want to be alone right now," they mumbled out, "sorry for bothering you, you don't have to obviously."

"You're hardly a bother, I'd be happy to assist you," his calm voice reassured them that they were in fact safe, "shall I stay on the phone while I make my way to you?"

"Come to me?!" they blurted out loudly in a panic but quickly lowering their voice, "don't you have to be at Diavolo's side at all times or something?"

"Not necessarily, however my plan was to return to the castle with you.. Is it that you don't wish for my physical presence?"

"Well, no, I do.. I just-"

"Like I've stated before you are far from a bother, the young master is sleeping so all should be well. I'll send a message to Lucifer so he knows your whereabouts," he chuckled as Y/N sighs in defeat.

"Alright as long as its not an issue.." a small smile formed as they got themself ready.

"It is truly a pleasure to make you feel safe."

Simeon

Y/N tapped on Simeon's name, confident he wouldn't mind them bothering him. They didn't expect him to come over all the way from purgatory hall of course. They really just wanted him to talk to them for a while until they calmed down at the very least. The phone rings for a minute before Simeon picked up.

"Good morning, Y/N," he yawned out, "what are you doing up so early?"

"Well.. I'm not really up by choice,"

"Oh? Did something happen or is Asmo pestering you?" he chuckled a little, "though.. if it was just that you wouldn't have called me."

"I guess you could say something happened," they sighed softly, "this is really embarrassing.." They felt the heat rise to their cheeks

"Don't be, I won't judge you even if I think its something small," Simeon now sounded fairly awake and more serious than before

"I had a nightmare, I just don't want to be alone right now... I'm sorry," their voice quivered, threatening to crack and give away the fact there were tears trying to escape their eyes

"I see. I'll be over as soon as I write a note for Luke," they heard Simeon shuffle out of his bed.

"You don't have to come Simeon,"

"I know but I want to help you, Y/N,"

They grew quiet for a moment, "can you stay on the phone until you get here?"

"Of course I can. I'll care for you for as long as you need."

Solomon

Y/N didn't hesitate to call Solomon, full well knowing that he was up most nights. They waited impatiently, growing more anxious as the phone continued ringing. There was no answer, "Maybe he'd actually asleep for once..." they thought to themself, putting the phone down and rolling over. Y/N closed their eyes, trying to rest once more but was unsuccessful.

They sniffled softly before being startled by their phone ringing. Peaking at the screen, they smiled a little at Solomon's name being displayed. They answered after swiftly grabbing their phone once again.

"Sorry for not answering, I was busy with one of my projects and didn't hear the phone," he laughed a little bit, "but why are you up so late?"

"Oh. If you're busy its okay.. I just had a really bad nightmare."

"I see. That's unfortunate," he states the obvious, "What do you need from me to help?"

“Well I don’t know.. I just thought we’d talk and hang out on the phone, but-“

“No buts from you. I can do that but I think it would be much easier if I came to you,” he laughed.

“What’s so funny?” they pouted as if he could see them through the phone.

“I actually just finished something to help with this exact situation,” Solomon sounded excited, “how convenient! I’ll be over soon,”

Solomon hung up the phone, leaving Y/N alone again. They sighed, getting up and ready to greet him at the door. They wished he would’ve stayed on the phone but he was a bit oblivious when it came to social situations same Solomon same but they wouldn’t want him any other way. It was endearing in his own way how he got so excited at times that he forgot how to read a room affectionately of course. They waited patiently at the front door for Solomon to arrive. Solomon opened the door with a small smile.

“Solomon!” Y/N hugged him tightly

“Good evening,” he hugs back with one arm, pulling a potion out of his pocket with his free hand, “now let’s get you back to bed”

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.

But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.

Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.

I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.

I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?

Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?

I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.

...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.

[burningvelvet]

My analysis on Heathcliff and his relationships, and some interesting excerpts from Juliet McMaster's "The Courtship and Honeymoon of Mr. and Mrs. Linton Heathcliff: Emily Brontë's Sexual Imagery" via JSTOR (TW: abuse, sa/sexual violence, generally graphic and potentially triggering content)

*note: I've had half of this in my drafts for a while. My last reblog, which discusses Heathcliff's lack of attraction to Cathy II, inspired me to finally expand on & post it. That reblog is here: https://www.tumblr.com/burningvelvet/738896230943522816

Cathy II is one of my favorite characters and I think her dynamic with Heathcliff is fascinating. I would say that while he may not be attracted to her (indeed, he sometimes seems repulsed by her) his behavior toward her IS explicitly predatory as it includes lying to her, manipulating her, physically abusing her, kidnapping her, and forcing her into a marriage in which he helped to seduce her with love letters under his son's name.

Combine this with his behavior toward his wife Isabella, in which sexual violence may be easily inferred as he says Isabella hated him a day into their marriage (and sure, some people conceive on the first try, but what are the odds? and the concept of marital rape didn't legally exist back then) — not to mention Heathcliff calling her a slut (sexually violent epithet* *editing this post to say that "slut" was a mainly gendered term, but in Brontë's time it didn't have today's more sexualized meaning; for most of history it primarily meant "slovenly" aka messy/careless), and both of them vaguely referring to heinous abuses she undergoes in private (and what could be worse than what we already know about his treatment of his subordinates). With how determined he was to get a male heir, and that being the whole reason why he married her, it is not much of a stretch to assume that he bedded her multiple times until she showed signs of pregnancy. It is a very easy thing to infer actually.

He was probably as insulting and as violent (or at the very least, cold) with her in bed as he always was in every other aspect from the very start of their relationship. As they both confirm that she receives his abuse openly (until her escape), and as she wishes to be a "good wife," she likely did not struggle to avoid her "marital duties," but again, she clearly hates him for most of her marriage, and we learn that she despises him immediately after their marriage when the veil finally fully drops. And with how upfront with her he initially was about his intentions, and how his own verbal admissions + outright verbal abuse failed to quell her desire for him initially, what more than physical and especially sexual violence could have led Isabella to despise him so soon after their consummation? Their sexual experiences couldn't have gone splendidly for her, and for him it was likely a mechanical chore he likely resented and was therefore probably not delicate with (he hates delicacy anyway).

Yet, while Heathcliff is violent and predatory (in the colloquial as well as the primal, animalistic sense, as he is always related to nature even in his very name), he also contains hints of a long-buried goodness, as we all know, and this is what makes him a fascinating protagonist. He has a capacity for strong feeling, a deliberate if not faulty moral code, and he sometimes shows kindness accidentally.

This is why Heathcliff catching baby Hareton is such a pivotal moment in the story, because it is only after he saves his life that he actually realizes what he's done and then muses that he should've let the child die. This scene shows that his natural subconscious instinct is actually good, and that his external situations are what have shaped his darker impulses on the conscious level. In other words, he causes us to examine the nature vs nurture debate.

Despite later abusing him, Heathcliff sees Hareton as a son-like figure in his own twisted way, and in the end as he loses his life forces, he gives Hareton and Cathy II his blessings like a father would — he essentially is Hareton's father, and he is legally Cathy II's father-in-law, first through his son Linton and then we could say through his unofficial adoption of Hareton, who he says he would have preferred as a son. So Cathy II has Heathcliff as a sort of double father figure, though of course she would never accept this.

At one point, Heathcliff notes that he takes good care not to do anything that could be proven to be criminal or illegal. In his usual exactness, he was pretty much right. He is always tip-toeing the line of immorality: in the gothic literary tradition, his relationship with Cathy I has incestuous undertones, but they are not legally or biologically related, and so he skates by.

He declares that he has no regrets and that he's done nothing wrong by technical standards. Manipulating, lying, mental and physical abuse of one's financial dependents, and marital rape (hypothetical or not) were all within legal bounds for the most part, and even the forced marriage of Linton H./Cathy II was done through the process of emotional blackmail (and physical evidence in the form of her love letters) so that in his mind, he wasn't actually responsible.

However, Heathcliff may have reasoned that sexually abusing one's daughter-in-law in revenge may be in violation of the law; that he would gain severe detraction from his "slaves" Nelly, Hareton, even Joseph; and that if such a huge scandal broke out, he would have a harder time finding tenants, etc. — also, I don't think Heathcliff would have felt like he "needed" to sexually abuse Cathy II to get revenge against her/her family, because as he says, at that point he already has his revenge and his victory; he already has her lands, and degrades her every day by forcing her to be a servant and a slave, and by abusing her in every other way. Sexually abusing her would be an extra effort on his part.

And I don't think he would gain anything out of it aside from revenge. I don't really think Heathcliff has much sexual interest in anyone at all, probably not due to inborn asexuality but due to his depression, trauma, emotional repression, and general issues. Although he and Cathy I have an extremely passionate spiritual relationship, I can't say that I believe he ever experienced fully actualized/conscious sexual feelings even for her. Considering their youth and rocky position when he leaves her for his hiatus, and the very brief period of their reunion, their relationship was likely never "consummated" — or at least I see no hard textual evidence to suggest that it was, although I'm sure many people could probably argue against this. And regardless of whether or not he and Cathy I ever had a physically sexual relationship, I don't think he could ever really be seriously attracted to anyone but her.

But in order to get his revenge, he did bed Isabella likely multiple times until her pregnancy. And as McMaster demonstrates below, by encouraging Cathy II to marry his son — and quite literally seducing her himself by writing love letters to her under his son's name — Heathcliff essentially beds her by proxy, if not in actuality. He wants her property, and he wants her, and because his son is the same age as her and dying, he decides to use him as the perfect pawn to access her by

If Linton H. died before he could be married to Cathy II, would Heathcliff have attempted to marry Cathy II on his own? I think this is a fascinating topic to theorize about, and I can only assume the answer would be yes, because Hareton wouldn't have worked as a pawn, though perhaps Heathcliff would have simply manipulated Hareton to sign over Cathy II's inheritance to him instead (as the laws of marital coverture meant husbands were entitled to 100% of their wives money/property/inheritance). But at that point Heathcliff was still looking for revenge (and therefore may not have been adverse to getting it like he did in his first marriage with Isabella), and he may not have wanted to be financially responsible for the newly weds and their potential offspring, or to suffer legal repercussions if Cathy II or someone else convinced Hareton to hire a lawyer lol. But I digress.

And as the last quote in the following list demonstrates, I think it was not only a touch of the gothic incest theme that Emily was going for by having Lockwood assume Cathy II is Heathcliff's wife, but that it was intentionally symbolic of how weird and difficult-to-define their relationship is: they don't act like father and daughter in-laws, but he is legally her provider and in-house patriarch, and she is the lady of the house, and she is the closest thing to her mother he has. I could write whole essays about that last point & the similarities of both Catherines, such as their fearlessness, particularly toward Heathcliff (and I believe this makes him uncomfortable and even scares him at times).

---

Excerpts from Juliet McMaster's "The Courtship and Honeymoon of Mr. and Mrs. Linton Heathcliff: Emily Brontë's Sexual Imagery" via JSTOR:

"Linton is called at one point 'only a feeble tool to his father' (205). In the sexual context he becomes a sort of human dildo, which his father uses to rape and degrade the second Catherine, the child bride whose birth caused the death of the Catherine whom Heathcliff loved."

"'Making love in play, eh?' says Heathcliff of the young couple, with grim jocularity (188). And that is the way in which Bronte develops this courtship of juveniles."

"Heathcliff even writes half of Linton's love letters for him, so that they turn out 'singularly odd compounds of ardour and flatness,' 'copious love letters, foolish as the age of the writer rendered natural, yet with touches, here and there, which I thought were borrowed from a more experienced source' (182), records Nelly. Catherine is being wooed by son and father together. And when the time comes, the marriage is consummated by the same team."

"[Linton] takes his pleasure, when Catherine pushes him off, in summoning his father and in witnessing the physical domination of his bride [..]"

"After Heathcliff abducts and incarcerates young Catherine and her attendant, he keeps our narrator, Nelly, imprisoned for 'five nights and four days' (220). Meanwhile the marriage ceremony is performed, but we have no one to describe it for us."

"'She's not to go; we won't let her' [..] Now more than ever Linton's life and opinions are ruled by his father: he can do little more than parrot what 'he says.' If Linton's satisfied mein suggests the happy bridegroom, his role as husband, lord and master is shared with his father."

"Heathcliff testifies, 'I heard him draw a pleasant picture to Zillah of what he would do [to Catherine], if he were as strong as I. The inclination is there' (228). Linton evidently has a conception of himself and his father as complementary in this sexual context, part of a team."

"Heathcliff's appropriation of the property and physical abuse of the bride leaves her in effect deflowered. His brutal blow that makes the blood flow recalls his symbolic defloration of Isabella, Linton's mother, when he hurls the knife."

"[Heathcliff] won't listen to Nelly's pleas that since he hates the young couple he may as well let them stay at the Grange. 'I want my children about me, to be sure,' he answers with chilling irony; '—besides, that lass owes me her services for her bread' (227). One wonders what sort of 'services' he has in mind. He apparently intends to prolong the honeymoon at which he has assisted. And as he takes her away, there is some doubt, as in Lockwood's mind at the beginning of the novel, whether Catherine is Heathcliff's daughter-in-law or his bride [..]"

Source: McMaster, Juliet. “The Courtship and Honeymoon of Mr. and Mrs. Linton Heathcliff: Emily Brontë's Sexual Imagery.” Victorian Review, vol. 18, no. 1, 1992, pp. 1–12. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/27794707.

[theycallmequeenie]

Charmed One X Gabriel Crossover

Master List

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

Part Nine:

A/N: Hey all here is part Nine of the Supernatural Charmed Crossover fic, and this one may have some triggering content to some readers, so reader discretion is advised, Talk of unaliving oneself on purpose. As always if you have issues reading anything with trigger warnings but wish to stay up to date with the story please message and I’ll send you a quick summery of this part of the fic. Any Gifs used are not of my creation as I don’t know how. If you are the maker of any Gif I used and want me to add credit to the post just let me know and I’ll tag you as the creator/ owner of said gif. Happy Reading.

Gabriel wanted nothing more than to love on her and make her feel safe, but his efforts were going unanswered as he could feel Y/N putting her walls up and trying to shut him out of her mind as she did when she wasn’t dealing well with something that was bothering her. He knew all he could do was just be there for her and try to comfort her. 

He let out an unconscious sigh and kissed her forehead and gently held her to him. He hid his surprise at her allowing him to pull her closer to him because he honestly figured that she would pull away from his touch. He noticed her silently crying even though she was doing her best to conceal it. After burying his face in her hair, he allowed himself to do the same.

Neither of them had allowed themselves to just process the reality of the events of the day. Y/N had gone from alone in the word to having three sisters, a brother-in-law, two nephews, and a little one of her own on the way that could potentially take her life as she was giving life to the little one. They were suffering from information overload among other overwhelming emotions.

They stayed like this for about an hour, silently weeping and clinging to each other trying to comfort each other and come to terms with everything that had transpired. They separated just enough to see the other’s faces, Gabriel looked concerned, and Y/N looked heart broken. There was a question burning into his mind, but he was almost too afraid of the answer to ask it. The operative word being almost. He needed to make sure his fears were just that fears and not his instincts raising red flags.

Gabriel gently cleared his throat and began to speak in a soft loving tone, “Babes, I have a question that I have to ask, and I know it’s going to probably upset you, so I need to you promise me you won’t run on me again.” He paused and waited for a response from Y/N, which he got in the of an ‘ugh’ expression on her face and a reluctant nod. He steadied himself and looked deep into her eyes and spoke in an unfamiliar serious tone, “Y/N, did what almost happened tonight the result you were looking for?”

Y/N went pale at the question. She honestly hadn’t thought that her needing time alone to digest everything could have been perceived as her trying to get killed. She had a deep frown on her face as she herself ran through all the questions she assumed Gabe had running through his mind and thought a few of her own. Was this a subconscious attempt? Did she actual do that hoping for that outcome? She shook the thoughts and questions out of her head. 

Y/N’s face went emotionless as she started to speak, “Okay never mind the implied gaslighting in that question. How could you ever think that?” Her voice was gentle and soft her tone was one of disbelief. There was no sign of anger from her. “Gabriel, I would never do anything that would take me from you. Earlier I just wanted a few minutes of solace to cope I didn’t plan to end up on top of the Golden Gate. Mind you that view was gorgeous.” She added the last bit in an attempt for levity.

It fell flat. This was one time Gabriel wasn’t in the mood for jokes. Shaking his head he pressed the issue with a flat, “That wasn’t an answer, Y/N, that was avoidance.” Gabe wasn’t backing down on this. He had to know for sure.

Y/N let out an exasperated sigh, “No Gabriel. What happened, almost being smited, was not the end game earlier. There are you satisfied now?”

Y/N got off the bed and started pacing the floor of the room and hugging herself. Trying to calm her nerves. She couldn’t figure out why she was so upset by his question. So she decided to try again to change the subject, “Can we please just decompress and listen to Phantom of the Opera?” 

Gabe knew what she was asking. Phantom was her comfort movie. Has been as long as he’s known Y/N. Against his better judgment he nodded in agreement and snapped his fingers turning the tv on as it started playing the opening to the movie. He pulled back the covers and patted the bed silently asking her to join him. 

She did thankful for him letting the subject drop. She didn’t need the added stress right now anyway and they both knew that. She’d had enough of that for one night. She clung to Gabriel desperate for comfort.

Gabriel held onto her and did what he could to comfort Y/N. It started out with him humming along to the opening then he was softly signing along and by the time the movie ended he had been singing gently to Y/N in Enochian lulling her into a soft sleep.

To Be Continued… 

Part Ten

 @disfunctionalcellmembrane  @misskitty1912-blog

[findmeinthefallair]

I could ask about Hunter for days on end but I'll try not to be annoying so anyways what would Hunters first day alone after everything happening be like? Like everyone is busy with their own thing for the day and he's left alone with his thoughts or just without his friends.

Yo ask me about the boi any time, any year, any century 🤩🤩 It's not and never will be annoying at all :D This post can go nicely with the meta I pinned to this blog (link to that meta here).

I think that will be the day when the only task he carries out is literally getting rest. No talking to anyone, no helping out with rebuilding the Isles. Just taking his mind off the rebuilding efforts, because he was instructed by his found family to do so.

It's hard to tell how soon he'd have this much alone time, but it may take a few weeks.

That day would also be a more stretched out version of this very short moment he had alone in For the Future:

Except...he was numbed out enough in this FtF scene to still talk to Flapjack without breaking down, as if Flapjack were still there physically, without seeing the reality that his palisman was gone. Trauma and grief are so weird like this: he can see in his rational brain that yes his best friend is absent, but his heart takes a longer time to even become aware of that fact.

There would be a difference later on because he certainly wouldn't be numbed out forever. He would freak out more and more as he gradually thaws out, finally emotionally/psychologically seeing that Flapjack just isn't there anymore. This freaking out would translate into anxious self-destructive desperation which isn't too different from decisions like this:

where he goes against what others want from him.

So imagine versions of this behavior, while the Isles started to heal from Belos's regime and while he puts in effort to help with this rebuilding and reformation.

I also wonder if this day of him being alone arrived before or after the grimwalker graveyard was discovered.

Because oh my Titan..if it only happens after the discovery, he would've been carrying a heavier emotional load before the dam finally burst. Cue, this meme I put together the other month to show just how heavy a load he was shouldering:

He shouldn't have to shoulder all this horrible stuff alone, but he'll want to do that in the early days to not trouble anyone. He must be "useful", not incompetent, nor a burden or inconvenience.

It's quite challenging to tell what state he may find himself in once that day arrives. But! There are possibilities of what happened leading up to a scene like that.

#1:

Maybe he went overboard with his autopilot "I Must Be Useful" mode of making sure he helps others (at the expense of himself), and it ended up with others having negative reactions towards him: especially since the others also have their own versions of trauma and triggers from everything that happened.

An example could be Gus snapping at him, asking to be left alone, and later regretting how he said it.

Hunter's "I wanna help!" mode would be in overdrive, because he is desperate to avoid the most painful feelings within. To the point that he may annoy those around him, cross other people's boundaries, get into their space against their consent. And his found family would make their feelings of annoyance known.

Except this time (because Belos has passed away)..instead of telling himself he must be useful to please Belos and thus belong to a "family"...he would be anxiously telling himself the same thing to psychologically distance himself from thinking of Flapjack's absence.

He would be subconsciously going for whatever is self-preservation, not with the intent of hurting others, but because subconsciously he's wanting to look out for himself and deal with his pain.

Very interestingly, he ordered people around in his old life as the second most powerful person on the Isles, so...that habit might come back.

So there can actually be a fine line between the genuine "I wanna help!" and his old persona of "I order you to do X!", especially when he's subconsciously working so hard to keep away from the most painful emotions. Moments like that could lead to him not being himself, and would create some tension in his relationships.

He has gone into Bark Out Orders As the Golden Guard mode to protect himself before:

And it may happen again in a different context, where he wants so much for the trauma to make sense that he may cross a line with his found family.

It would get complex, coz obviously his found family doesn't want to hurt him, but they may have to be firm with him and tell him he has issues that he is not confronting and facing. They would be pestering him to slow down and rest, since he would've been used to being in overwork mode most of his life. But he initially would not understand how that would help things along. Them setting boundaries like would leave him initially feeling worse, but it's the needed step to set him on a better trajectory.

It's easy to picture heated conversations within the Hexsquad whereby morale is low, they say things that they regret, some of them may storm off, and they'd have to give it some time before patching things up a bit later. It has sort of happened before:

#2:

We also have the presence of palismen around him, and what his responses to them might be.

He'd look at Luz, Amity, Gus and Willow with their palismen, and be aware that he is now without his own best friend. I don't think there's a bigger reminder of his absent best friend than other smol creatures around him:

Ohmygod did this silly red birb creature appear again offscreen to haunt the boi:

We have seen him strongly react to reminders of Flapjack. When other palismen tried to get close to him, trying to connect with him:

he couldn't handle it.

It disturbs me that he went to the other extreme - hoping and begging for Belos to just appear already -

so that everything that happened would make sense to him. Because in his head, fighting back and getting revenge is a way better feeling than that pain which he is desperately not wanting to feel.

Luz's immediate reaction to seeing the suffering palismen in Hollow Mind:

is the kind of emotional space that Hunter would be entering into at a much slower pace (because yay, trauma brain moves more slowly...to protect itself the best it can), as he processes the guilt and the shock of what Belos made him do.

-------------------

It would be so hard for the poor boi, because he wouldn't be able to clearly understand what he's going through and why. There'd just be autopilot reactions, and avoidance and defenses until he burns out and simply can't avoid the worst of the pain anymore.

But I think once those conflicts have happened enough times, he'd shift to being fully honest with himself.

The unavoidable depression he falls into will really start manifesting once he's no longer numbed out and protected from the worst of thoughts brought on by his trauma, e.g.:

Flapjack is gone. Flapjack isn't coming back.

I wasn't strong enough to stop him from dying.

I don't deserve Flapjack ever finding me in the first place.

I don't deserve the gift he left behind for me and I am unfit for it. (interestingly, he sort of said something along similar lines before:

after which a breakthrough with Darius happened)

I think the most "core" of them all would be this rigid belief:

I can only ever do harm to others instead of helping them. (similar to what Luz went through)

What's twisted is this was what Belos's true intentions for him were. In a way, Belos won. For a time.

Dark thoughts like this would hit him in full force if he's alone without other people to provide any distractions. He might still try to keep them at bay but he will run out of steam after some time.

And I think he would sink into depression, believing in this, once he just becomes too tired to even help others anymore. And he would be able to see that and not deny it anymore, especially if others have negative reactions towards his offers to help them.

This belief that he cannot possibly offer love to others is a contrast to his palisman-carving future self who is spreading love and life, giving each person a friend.

By that depressing point in his arc, he would only be able to start helping others again once he begins helping himself and allowing others to step in and help while he rests.

At the same time, he wouldn't have been able to reach that scariest emotional place earlier because it would've been too much. He wouldn't have been able to handle it, which is why numbing out like this:

has been his mind's way of protecting him, putting on a Band-Aid, and cushioning the initial impact of the trauma. To delay the worst of the pain until later. But that Band-Aid would have to be ripped off at some point.

What I in fact hope for him when that day finally came around is that he ended up not being alone after all. He might have had a breakdown alone, but I actually hope that the palismen were nearby to end up keeping him company.

Having some moments alone with them would be so good, since other people being around may actually interrupt the process of him moving into the worst of the pain (a necessary step for his arc).

Maybe he tried one last time to push them away and resist their attempts to initiate connection with him. But he would give in.

The palismen could say that they also miss and mourn Flapjack, and maybe Hunter would even feel this grief coming from them. Maybe they even directly expressed to Hunter that it was not his fault at all:

and he'd have a massive cry, the full uninterrupted version of his very first reaction to Flapjack's absence:

I really hope it was cathartic for them all.

That's the toughest crossing over into a new chapter if you've been traumatized: you can't move into the new emotional place and have a breakthrough, without venturing into the most unpleasant of the emotions first. The discomfort of such emotions can feel like it may kill you, which is why avoidance is what happens after trauma happens.

Perhaps it was a version of this:

Just replace Luz's "You're family now" with the palismen whispering something like "You aren't alone in this"/"It's not your fault, you are loved".

He has thawed out of that numb armor before:

and he can do it again. This time without any other people around, just him with the palismen. Palismen represent emotions and connection, after all!

Having the palismen be alone with him like that (to help ease him into that emotional release and breakthrough) would make sense in terms of the narrative, lore and worldbuilding, because it could clearly point towards the main theme in his future, and also show us an opposite of what he was known for in his introduction:

After all, the first part of his final speech to Belos was about wild magic and palismen.

In this breakthrough we could see a shift: being physically touched by the palismen would start becoming something cathartic for him, and no longer purely terrifying or triggering. Even after giving them away in his old life, which I'm sure they're aware of...they still want to connect with him and show love!

I don't think he could begin learning under Dell's mentorship until he had this breakthrough. He'd freak out too much in the carving workshop before he experiences a release like this.

Trauma is a lot about the stuff you don't want to see, but which you need to see in order to grow into the person you want to be deep down. That stuff may be too much to look at in the beginning, and people often can't make the step to look at it without the help of others and a safe environment.

Extra note:

There's a reason why I haven't referenced the 5 Stages of Grief at all in my Hunter metas, and it's because that concept has been going out of favor over the years. It was created as far back as 1969 to help terminally ill patients, but it got out of hand over the decades and people misunderstood it as a universal experience for every person's grief when in fact it's not necessarily like that. It sets too many unhelpful expectations...so I don't reference it at all. It's more or less outdated now.

[cinderella-ish]

Fruits Basket Personality Types Part 6: Yuki Sohma

I've mentioned before how much I identify with Yuki. He's such a beautifully-written character; I love, love, love his arc, and the way he slowly takes control of his own life and finds his place in the world.

Yuki himself would probably disagree, but I think he's actually quite perceptive about people, even from the beginning. He's deeply reflective and has a rich inner monologue, noticing things about people that they may not even realize themselves.

I love him. Here's how I see his personality!

Yuki Sohma's Enneagram

Wound: Yuki was sold by his mother to Akito, who verbally abused him over years. He was brushed off by Ayame, ignored by his mother, and rejected by Kyo. He was put on a pedestal as the Rat, and expected to fill the role he was born into. The first friends he made were taken away because of the curse.

Wounding message: You are a tool for others' use. Your desires do not matter. All good things will be taken away in the end.

Core desire: To be independent, to have a mutual relationship, to be seen for who he is.

Core fear: That he's insignificant and wouldn't be missed; that he's always going to be pulled back into that dark place.

Defense mechanism: To lean into the "Prince" archetype and hide his true self, acting aloof, mysterious, and charming.

Strengths: Yuki is reflective, compassionate, intelligent, thoughtful, observant, polite, aware of social expectations and niceties, diligent, funny, and in tune with his feelings.

Challenges: Yuki is closed off, judgmental, rigid, moody, withdrawn, melancholy, reluctant to open up to people, passive-aggressive, and inauthentic.

When healthy: As Yuki develops, he becomes more willing to try new things, to open up to new people, more in tune with others' feelings, and more laid back. He shows his true self to more people and takes risks that help him grow.

When unhealthy: Yuki is depressive, completely shut down, trapped in his head, needy, unable to take action (and therefore reliant on others), and even less authentic.

Looking at all of this, here's what connects when I go back to the Enneagram post:

Wound: could be 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, or 9

Wounding message: could be 2, 3, 4, or 5

Core desire: could be 2, 3, 4, or 9

Core fear: 2, 3, or 4

Defense mechanism: tricky, but I think 4 is the closest fit, possibly 3

Strengths: 1, 3, 4, 5, or 6

Challenges: 3, 4, and 9

When healthy: 1, 2, 3, 4, or 9

When unhealthy: 1, 3, 4, 7, 8 and 9

It's not totally clear from this alone. Yuki connects quite strongly with both 3 and 4, and then to 2 and 9 to a lesser degree. This is fascinating, because 3 goes to 9 when unhealthy, and 4 goes to 2 when unhealthy!

The next two that Yuki connects with most are 1 and 5. Yuki doesn't connect much with 6, which is where Threes go when healthy. Because Fours go to 1 when healthy, and Five is a possible wing of Four, I think Yuki is an Enneagram Four.

From The Enneagram Institute:

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living.

Emphasis mine. That's totally Yuki, right?

Fours live in the Heart center, and tend to overexpress sadness and shame due to a subconscious envy of others.

Wing

I think it's pretty clear from my analysis above that Yuki is a 4w3.

The Enneagram Institute refers to 4w3s as "The Aristocrat," and 4w5s as "The Bohemian," which I don't think suits Yuki quite as well.

In their book The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson describe 4w3 like this:

4w3: They feel the need to communicate themselves and their creative efforts to others, and so they care both about finding the right mode of expression and about avoiding anything off-putting or in bad taste. These people are more self-conscious and aware of issues regarding their self-worth and how they are coming across to others than people of the other subtype. They create with an audience in mind.

Subtype

Yuki has a strong focus on his own identity, and on being the best version of himself he can be. For this reason, I see him as a SP 4w3.

Enneagram Explained describes SP Fours like this:

SP 4s are the Countertype of type 4 as they react in an opposite way with their vice (envy). They work to get what they feel others have/that they lack (not generally material envy but a more characteristic/wholeness envy). Nicknamed the “happy 4” they tend to keep the sad/hard emotions for behind closed doors.

The characteristic envy they describe is exactly how Yuki relates to Kyo!

Tritype

Yuki has a strong expression of all the Heart types, and a moderate expression of 9. Looking at the Tritypes that include both 4 and 9, I think the 4-6-9 Tritype (The Seeker) is the best fit, as described on Katherine Fauvre's website:

If you are a 469, you are intuitive, inquisitive, and accepting. You want to be original, certain, and peaceful. You are very sensitive and can easily feel reserved and inhibited. You are a deep thinker with strong emotions and can struggle with intense feelings of self-doubt. You seek answers to life’s questions. As a result, you need multiple sources of confirmation. You want to be individualistic but avoid confrontation because you fear it will cause separation.

Yuki Sohma's MBTI

E vs. I: Yuki is highly introverted, directing a lot of his mental energy inward.

S vs. N: Yuki is highly iNtuiting, noticing patterns and thinking abstractly about the bigger picture.

T vs. F: I think Yuki leans more toward F, making decisions based on his values and how they'll affect people.

J vs. P: I also think Yuki leans toward J. He tends to make decisions quickly, and he sticks by them.

Type Dynamics: Without working out what an INFJ's type dynamics are (since that's my most likely guess for Yuki), I see Yuki's Type Dynamics as Ni Fe Ti Se.

Ni: Yuki is in his own head a lot of the time, and is deeply reflective about the world around him. He doesn't always share his thought process, but he's able to make powerful connections through his reflection.

Fe: Yuki seeks harmony with the outside world and with others, and his feelings are often centered on how he sees others.

Ti: Yuki is analytical, which we see in his reflectiveness. He has a strong internal framework and aims to be consistent with himself.

Se: Yuki grows by seeking out new experiences and trying new things.

Ni Fe Ti Se is the type dynamic of INFJ!

Here's how the Myers & Briggs Foundation describes INFJ:

INFJ: Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.

INFJs are often referred to as "The Counselor," although they're also sometimes referred to as "The Advocate," or "The Visionary."

So, to summarize:

Enneagram: SP 4w3 (The Individualist/The Aristocrat)

Tritype: 4-6-9 (The Seeker)

MBTI: INFJ (The Counselor/The Advocate/The Visionary)

What do you think? Did I get it right or wrong? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Next up: Haru!

Fruits Basket Personality Types: Enneagram | MBTI | Tohru | Akito | Kyo | Haru | Kisa | Momiji | Hatori | Ayame | Rin | Hiro | Ritsu | Kureno | Shigure | Kagura | Kazuma | Saki | Arisa | Machi | Kakeru | The Hondas | Kaibara Students

[maidstew]

Okay, re: Persephone's life post-Academy, as you know, I'm a hurt/no comfort, angst enjoyer, so I do speculate that at some point Coriolanus gets a little murder-y with his former classmates, especially the ones who decide to enter politics. At some point, I do think that even if this doesn't affect her directly, this will probably weigh on her. Actually, with the burden of hindsight, I do imagine that everyone of his former classmates have a moment of "could I have changed this outcome?" as Snow's political opponents start dropping like flies. It's doubly hard on Lysistrata and (probably) Clemensia and anyone else who starts having second thoughts about the brutality of the Games. (Oh, to know you played a part in what they became, and that the time to undo that damage has past, but also what could they have done at 18?)

I do think that while she might not be fully aware of it, she may subconsciously know that she isn't Snow's favorite person, so she might not really hang around with him as they head off to University/try to avoid him as he rises to power, but I'm actually not sure how possible that is in a world where she does end up with Festus! I mean Festus seems to be the closest male friend that Coriolanus has by the end of the book, and Snow has even gaslit himself into believing their best friends! (I can imagine Festus believing they are but Snow has to be playing himself, because his best friend is obviously Clemensia. People can have more than one best friend, but I just don't buy it. Okay, tangent over.)

Anyway, I just think that with Persephone and Festus as a couple, I don't see her being able to keep off of Coriolanus' radar which could mean trouble for her. But dare I say it for Persephone... "it's the things we love most that destroy us." Thematically resonate with loving Festus being the reason that she has to stay in Snow's circle...

Even if Coriolanus doesn't decide to kill her, Snow trying to get her and Festus to split or iceing them both out of social circles without any explanation would be a start down the no good terrible world-shattering bad luck.

This got long... Probably the longest i've gone without mentioning— Ahem, anyway, I suppose I like crafting tragedies for every character! Haha, okay, if you read this all, thanks for letting me ramble in your asks!

—@felixravinstills (and the inability to send asks from sideblogs)

friend you cannot possibly imagine my sheer excited when i woke up to this ask!! i’ve been waiting all morning for a chance to sit down and respond.

this is probably going to be long so i’ll put my response under the cut:

i also think coriolanus starts picking off his former classmates and i can absolutely see persephone being a victim to that somehow. maybe not even her directly, but festus when he has outlived his use for coriolanus? (actually, i have a hc that festus and coriolanus’s relationship crumbles after felix passes of ~mysterious circumstances~ but that’s a whole other thing).

you bring up a really interesting point that i haven’t given much thought to- do any of snow’s former friends feel any type of guilt for not seeing the red flags or intervening sooner? i agree that lysistrata definitely is the most likely candidate. put i could also see some of the others having that same moment, in my own capitol world here would be what i imagine for some of them:

- festus definitely has a moment of questioning everything with felix dies

- persephone has a moment as the games continue to grow and more children die. i always imagine that she was pretty affected by mizzen and his death (it’s wishful thinking i know. i’m the one that was affected my mizzen and his death. but a little projection never hurt anyone, right?)

- i’ve been following this fanfiction about livia cardew and her life through and following the games. it covers her marriage to coriolanus throughout his presidency and how it affects livia and the guilt she carries for the things coriolanus does. so maybe this is unpopular, but i can also see livia as his wife feeling that guilt and wondering if/when she could have stopped things.

i also think she doesn’t outright know that coriolanus is repulsed by her- i don’t think coriolanus would ever say something and risk his own image. but i definitely think she has been able to pick up on it and feels uncomfortable around him at times.

which would make the dynamic with her marrying festus and festus and coriolanus being best friends more interesting. i said it in another ask, but i wonder if coriolanus ever did try to tell festus about the cannibalism thing?

anyway, i mentioned yesterday that i had been thinking about persephone being pushed out of elite capitol circles. it sort of started because of a quote from a poetry book i was reading:

“I wasn’t allowed

to live on the Mountain.

I wasn’t even allowed

to call myself an Olympian.”

the poem was inspired by Persephone from greek mythology but (and maybe just because it’s her namesake) i started thinking about Persephone Price. i had this idea of a moment where persephone is much older and has been iced out of her former social circles and finally feels the bitterness and anger from all the bad things that have happened over the years.

anyway, yeah sorry i’m just rambling and info-dumping my thoughts now so i will stop!! hopefully at least some of it makes sense.

i cannot thank you enough for dropping the ask!!

[visionthefox]

I know the April Fools episodes are jokes but it's kinda funny to analyze them Earth's nightmare seemed to be her fearing that she's a terrible person that everyone hates, dislikes, or avoids, her forgetting everything again, people not telling her things or keeping secrets from or about her, feeling powerless even to herself, losing Lunar(except for that last bit), being generally confused... And then Sun's, Sun's was all their enemies apologizing for everything they did, fixing whatever they screwed up, and disappearing, or in the case of the Creator dealing with Fazbear since Sun hates that company, and then Moon leaving after being weirded out, even Sun pointed out the sheer absurdity early on, maybe all of these incidents affect him subconsciously even more than he realizes, poor guy just wants some catharsis Earth and Sun telling one another about their weird dreams after the fact is something I could see happening too

ANON WE THINK THE SAME I WAS GONNA START THINKING TOO DEEP but I felt soo stupid but AA IM NOT ALONE!! for Earth- I guess is a mix of feeling guilty she "failed" Lunar- and fears she may be too focus on her family life she may not pay attention to Monty- also something about fearing you "did a terrible thing" and just feeling gaslited even when you know you didnt hits home.. her fear of maybe "being forgetfull and controled" may be the most obvious, yet is still interesting.. as.. for me, she gives me "hero complex" at times, thinking she is meant to be the one fixing ppl (even when I see ppl saying she never asked for this role) maybe because when made, she was mentioned as "the better version" so she goes by that.. ending up feeling both fake, try hard, yet afraid to fail and emotionally stressed out trying to be what ppl expected of her. so then- we see her fears, being seen as a bother, seen as someone to deal with rather than work with.. also, maybe is me, but she does kinda takes too hard her "brother" not wanting her in his date/celebration.. also going on over Solar "hating her" when the dude seems to be neutral with her.. that got me feeling odd, she takes simple soft push as "you hate me" .. no? they dont want you there, yet they still care to ask if you are ok.. what is she on about? (I know, is a nightmare, she is not meant to make much sense, specially as the emotional one she is.. I cant blame her too hard ) NOW SUN~ OHOHOHOHOHHHHHHH oh HE HE DOES SHOW SOO MUCH~ isnt it.. curious? of all the jokes they can make.. is ppl saying sorry ! what they show us? again, I expected actors or bloopers like other channel did! but.. now.. isnt it curous, right after he tells Eclipse to kill himself, he dreams of him saying sorry, sure, is clear Eclipse is not happy nor all sappy. not even wanting to be there with them any longer than BM did.. not saying "I hope im welcome back"-- nothing! Eclipse showed up, say his words, and choose to walk away, Sun is clearly weird out .. yet- clearly hoping to see the lie,, he doesnt, Eclipse lose more than he wins.. so Sun is left to wonder- was it true? he means it? we know Sun feared him. then hated him- has every reason to- yeeeet.. Sun has to know.. he is mad at the shell of how was a enemy. maybe having Eclipse saying sorry is the thing he needs to let go of this anger , just like Lunar did Lunar faced the big bad wolf- only to see a mere AI, broken and lost, lying to itself hoping to gain some sense of control over a life he cant even run away from.. Sun maybe needed to tell itself, via Moon "thats not the man that hurted you, thats the ghost of the past.. let it go" Moon is that side of him telling him to let go, and when things got too wild, his "reason" just had to leave- I feel thats when Sun stayed to yell, feeling too much stress confusion and cringe even (I have more to say but may do a post later on. idk) last joke video was not canon at all, yet this one is clearly tied to canon.. soo.. this has to mean something!! IM NOT LOOKING TOO DEEP YOU ARE ANON!

I hope my ramble isnt too long! but yea. I may explin myself better later on. just- I feel the fact this is DREAM and not an AU means a lot..

[imgabysama]

First some headcanons about the Akiramon relationship (I'm liking AmonAki too) and influences from Amon's ghoul side

- The post Kanou changes are not just physical, Amon is more quiet, intimidating, decisive and direct, luckily these are characteristics that attract Akira.

- He is very introspective, not like Akira, but over time she starts trying to distract him and worries about him. She can't predict what's going on in his head anymore, so she has to ask him directly.

- Still, Amon is affectionate with her, he hugs her more often, kisses her, he doesn't care much to cuddle, but Akira likes it, so he got used to it too.

- It's just, sometimes he might be looking at her affectionately and without realizing it his gaze turns cold and empty, Akira always gets goosebumps when that happens, but doesn't show it.

- He is more protective and possessive as well, always wrapping an arm around Akira's waist or shoulder when they pass a ghoul, he also subconsciously tries to spread his scent on her.

- Hey, Amon has a sense of humor now! It is very subtle, almost imperceptible, but dark and provocative, Akira thinks he developed it from Kanou and Eto's torture, now she's the one caught off guard.

- He doesn't like showing her the kakugan and Kagune, which is one of the reasons he avoids getting excited, but eventually it happens, Akira is very lighthearted about it, eventually she finds it normal, eventually she starts to enjoy it at very specific times.

NSFW conter under cut

🔥🔥🔥Now🔥🔥🔥

- Before they actually did the whole thing, Amon was very incisive in preparing Akira properly, he was used to giving that kind of treatment, at the time of the finals, Akira understood why all that bargain oral sex.

- Amon fantasized a lot about Akira, how he would touch her, prepare her, claim her, it was two intense years of thoughts about her, he may have tried to avoid it, but inside his mind there is a very dark and perverted part.

- Initially he wanted to be soft with her, romantic, but Amon has some inclinations to be blunt, the ghoul side strengthens this, in conjunction with him being really looking forward to it, luckily, Akira likes rough.

- Still, she had to almost beg Amon to actually have sex with her and not love, Akira was outraged as she realized that he was purposefully holding back.

- However, when he turned the switch and started actually having sex (or fuckin her) with her, Akira understood why he was so fearful initially.

- He has abnormal energy, at first Akira teased him, but eventually she stopped after being exhausted until she couldn't feel her own legs.

- Eventually Amon becomes more provocative and controlling, he is very quiet but sometimes says things in Russian which Akira later discovers to be the worst obscenities spoken by the man.

- He specifically likes positions where he is the only thing she can hold onto, but he likes it when she's on top of him, or under him, Amon really likes to watch her.

- At first Amon unintentionally left marks on her, his handprints in the shape of a crescent moon, however when he began to notice, he started to want to leave it more, Akira started to wear turtlenecks more often.

- Once, they did it in front of a mirror and Akira noticed that Amon had his kakugan active, it was very intense, feeling him staring at her through the mirror, aware that at that moment he could do anything.

It's going to get too long and compromising if I put all my thoughts in here, but maybe there's a second part with Amon marking Akira properly.

[ladyluscinia]

There's a thing I've been thinking about re: the Izzy Hands related harassment that I might as well post today since everyone is talking about it.

So every week or so there's usually someone posting in the Izzy tag along the lines of "Well I don't really agree with the Izzy stans, but I think they are pretty harmless and people shouldn't harass them." I guess I see where these posts are coming from (it usually seems to be a not particularly active poster responding to a bunch of vague drama or something), and I'm not going to complain about people if they genuinely are just trying to express "hey don't harass people over fictional little guys", but I would like to acknowledge that these posts... kinda miss the point in a way that undermines their ostensible purpose? And if you are thinking about writing one, you may want to ignore that urge?

Like, two main considerations here - one broader to the fandom and one more directly to the post author in question.

First and foremost, the "Izzy stans" who see these posts almost exclusively roll their eyes and maybe write a vague about them. This is because near universally the authors do not like Izzy or agree with positive posts about him (<- not an issue), and therefore they aren't actually familiar with or reading up on the stance they are defending and misrepresent it (<- kind of a problem). They try and appease the group they are familiar with - antis - and in effect write a post that excludes probably the exact person they saw getting harassed from the group of People Whose Opinions Don't Deserve Harassment. Without even realizing it!

Take a very common appeasement for the antis: "We all can agree that Izzy is homophobic." Actually, no, we can't. That's actually a pretty big point of contention. But by just casually dropping those generalizations into your "other people's Izzy opinions aren't evil" post, you A) reiterate the belief at the center of the harassment that certain anti opinions on Izzy are objectively true and anyone not evil / bigoted sees that, and B) implicitly exclude the vast majority of "Izzy stans" from "not evil". After all, if fans shouldn't be harassed because we can agree that he's homophobic even when viewing him sympathetically, then what about those of us who argue he isn't? It's not a very good anti-harassment post if the anti-harassment part is conditional on agreeing the harassers are right.

So, understandably, most Izzy fans in the Izzy Hands tag will read a post with these sorts of disclaimers / appeasements and be vaguely irritated at best. Which brings me to my second point...

Izzy fans ignore posts like this. Izzy antis do not.

The main reaction I have seen people get for making these posts is getting yelled at by antis. Your appeasement is not good enough to avoid this. The fact that you agree more with them about Izzy is not good enough, because if you actually had the Approved Izzy Beliefs™ you wouldn't be sympathizing with the Bad Izzy Beliefs™ in the first place. There's no winning here.

Best case scenario you get ignored by everyone and a few Izzy fans roll their eyes at you.

Worst case scenario you get harassed until you performatively backtrack your "Izzy clearly has subconscious racial biases about Ed" that got you the eye rolls and clarify "well no he's obviously racist and only an idiot wouldn't see it, but I just mean maybe we shouldn't harass the idiots??? In hindsight though they are kinda evil."

Unless this is the effect you are looking for, maybe just... don't? For your own sake, mostly.

[malaierba]

For no reason other than I like to give Karamatsu repressed baggage, whenever planning KaraNozo stories I like to hint at Karamatsu having been at the receiving end of some not great romantic attention that he just never bothered to unpack. Namely:

Since in the movie we see Dobusu chasing him with a mask, that's eventually broken to reveal, well, Dobusu, I've personally taken to interpreting it as Karamatsu having forced himself to not think about Some Things that made his psyche remember her like a big, aggressive menace that's chasing him.

AKA I think she may have been interested in him, and was a bit too aggressive in her approach. May or may not have been a result of her inexperience and Karamatsu's own timidity as a teen.

Then, with Jigzou (you know, the puppet that tried to kidnap him bcs he was salty about Kara winning a role over him) I usually picture him as having A Thing for Karamatsu. He liked him, he was angry about liking his (one-sided) rival, he bullied him out of frustration. Kara may or may not have suspected something, but honestly Jigzou was so intense that he failed to say anything.

With his flower fairy, again it's just a headcanon but I like to imagine that the reason why she looks like Dobusu was influenced by his subconscious. I know this is most likely just a case of the Osomatsu-san staff recasting side characters for other roles; I still think it'd be interesting if there was another justification.

And then, I don't count it as a bad relationship, but I do like to imagine that Kara has baggage from a failed relationship with Chibita. As much as I'm obsesseeeeeed with Karabita, I can see many ways in which their RS could fail, and most of them are rooted in Kara's proven inability to commit to change without losing steam.

With a side of his still latent timidity, too -- In fanon we like to portray Chibita as being an ever suffering martyr to Kara's extra antics, and I love it; That said, I think the canon record shows that most of the time Chibita's effusiveness and strong personality will bulldoze over Kara's feeble attempts at indirectly saying he wants out (see: Kidnapping skit when he gets tied in front of his house, Trying to initiate Kara into oden skit, Oden Maid skit, etc).

I ran out of steam to finish this post LOL. Final word is just, Karamatsu's so funny with his blue rose colored view of romance. I keep thinking back to his self-awareness orb. He's looking at life through a filter, his memories too, he's an airhead, but these perceptions are fragile. He definitely does some "looking away from what's not beautiful", avoiding what he can't glamorise. As a theme, I think it's a really interesting thing to challenge in him.

[happyk44]

Three times I've written this post and i sure hope it works out this time because I am having thoughts about angry boy Jason who self harms and my DID!Jason AU and I would like to explain why I think Jason could've been a persecutor alter, as well as the host.

At this time, I don't have any interest in applying that label/role to him in the AU. But it's an interesting thing to consider. Grace carries most of the anger of the system. Obviously Jason still feels anger but it's something that triggers Grace to the front so the angry boy (man) part fits him.

However, young!Jason who so intensely internalized the rules (read: abuse) of the Wolf House that even when he's not there he still engages in self-harming/self-punishing behaviours? Yes.

Training until he physically cannot move, refusing nice things like toys (he's a leader, leaders don't play) or soft blankets (he's slept on a concrete floor his whole life, he doesn't need to be warm), engaging in high-risk behaviour like volunteering for quests he doesn't need to go on or singling himself out to a monster, refusing Grace's help because he doesn't believe deserves/is allowed to be helped, hating JJ because he sees JJ as the reason they used to get hurt (a terrified child who only screams and cries is not beneficial to the wolves), physically hurting himself when he feels he's failed at something because it's what the wolves would do and he doesn't have the trauma memories associated to understand that it is harmful? Double yes.

Like I said, I don't think I'm gonna apply this label or role to Jason at this time. But I think, especially in his earlier days, he used to exhibit a lot of persecutory behaviour. He probably began to grow out of it after he left the Wolf House and time passed, friendships were made, T came out of dormancy and started yelling about how they all deserve nice things.

For those who don't know, persecutors are alters who intentionally harm the system. Some persecutors may be introjects of the system's abuser(s). Some persecutors may agree with or try to help the system's abuser(s). Some people call persecutors misguided protectors because the ultimate goal of a persecutor is to protect the system by harming them, often to control the outcome of a situation. Persecutors may do so by repeating tactics the system experienced through abuse.

For example: your abuser used to withhold food when you engaged in behaviour they did not approve of. Consequently they would also punish you if you ate without permission. Your persecutor may refuse food to avoid potential harm. They may get triggered out when foods associated with abuse are present. They may force the body to throw up the food that was eaten or antagonize/harm other alters for eating if they do not have access to the body.

Another example: your persecutor is also a sexual alter. They engage in high-risk sex with strangers whenever propositioned to avoid potential sexual assault, under the premise that if they initiate or agree to it then whatever happens is not assualt.

While the actions can be, and usually are, inherently harmful to the body and the system, the intent behind them is usually protective, whether consciously or subconsciously. Some persecutors have become protectors of their system. Some persecutors are able to redirect their behaviours into more healthy coping mechanisms.

Remember that there are no bad or evil alters.

[lazypanartist]

Can you tell me, do you enjoy hurting people?

I don't believe you -

Do you enjoy killing?

I'll kill you!

What? Like you did our brother?

Take his name out of your mouth.

Leo I'm -

He died to protect both of us.

You're as much to blame as I am.

-----

Based off a friend's TikTok animation!

Here's the video

⚠️ Warnings ⚠️: mentions of death, dysfunctional family dynamic, shifting blame, no resolution, angst

-----

Donnie's fingers clenched with the memory. The familiar weight of his staff sat in his hand, but the rest of it was still.. there. The smoke, the dust, the screaming.

Raph's sacrifices were never just for himself, and oftentimes, for more than just his family. Risking his tail for Cassandra and her child, the chipped edges of his shell reminding everyone of every time he leapt in the way of danger. His arm, dutifully crafted by Donnie after Raph dragged Mikey out of the path of a building's fall, was specifically armored to help prevent further injuries.

But his final moments couldn't have been avoided with any amount of armor or padding. Leo's plan, his own role.. Raph's body on the crushed pavement..

Donnie jerked with the weight of a hand on his shoulder, turning to meet Mikey's eyes. The movement grounded him, just barely enough to feel his own hands shake. The younger turtle offered a smile, if only to help calm him down.

Donnie paused, turning back towards Leo. He had turned away. Ever the headstrong leader, he still loathed confrontation of the emotional sort.

"He would have done it for anybody." Leo murmered. "Risk his arm, his shell, his life." He whipped back around, brow furrowing.

"So why try and blame me?"

"Calm down, please!" Mikey stepped between the pair now, bands stretched between them. "It wasn't the fault of either of you!"

Donnie scoffed, face tensing from upset to steeled. "Of course it wasn't. Because the four of us together lasted this long, saved so many others because HE was there to protect us! And now HE'S GONE. Because Leo's plan fell through, AGAIN." He gave his twin a pointed look, watching with empty satisfaction as the leader's expression twisted into a scowl. "And now, we're screwed."

"Because YOU didn't warn any of us about the Kraang's movements!" Leo pointed at him, finger wavering. "If you had told us that Sister left her post.." his voice was wavering now. "We might have stood a chance. HE might have stood a chance."

Mikey's arms had fallen to his sides sometime during the twins' argument. Even older, wiser, leaders of war.. once the family was outside the eyes of those they had helped or led, they devolved back to this.. mess. Barely functional adults with the military power to lead.

It would have been funny, if it wasn't so.. pathetic.

"He died because he was shielding you!" Donnie's voice was less accusatory now, shaking even more terribly than his hands.

"He and I were only open like that because Sister knew it'd be an easy shot." Leo shook his head, his own hand falling now. "And she was right."

The siblings were all silent now. The tension the twins had held for one another was gone. Mikey no longer needed to stop their childish bickering.. at the cost of several minutes of screaming and fighting and finger pointing.

His hands were still, unlike those of his older brothers. A quiet voice in the back of his mind mentioned it may have to do with his gift, and he pushed them aside. His subconscious voice could wait.

"I'm sorry." Donnie mumbled. Leo nodded in acknowledgement, sighing deeply as a hand came up to flick his mask tails over his shoulder.

"We're a mess." He glanced up, grinning. Mikey laughed quietly. "Complete and utter disasters."

"The pinnacle of leadership, really."

Donnie huffed. "Honestly? I'm surprised we all made it so far. I thought you'd die first."

"Hey!" Leo's grin widened for a moment before falling completely, the family falling into silence once again. None of the brothers knew what to say..

But nothing they could possibly say would ever bring Raph back.

[thiefofcrows]

So, I've had this thought floating around in my head about Kaz for a while but I've never written it down until I was talking about it earlier — it's very clear in his flashbacks that Kaz enjoyed food and sweet things a lot when he was a kid. He also seemed to really enjoy trying new things re: food, but given the immense lack of attention he seems to give those kinds of things in his pov chapters ( and also, the pure lack of him eating a lot of the time tbh ), I think after he escapes Reaper's Barge and has to live on the streets, his priorities massively shift due to the trauma of, just ... purely having to eat to survive. AND the fact that comforting food he enjoyed was used to lure him and Jordie into a sense of safety and comfort, so ... if he doesn't enjoy any food / doesn't care about how it tastes, it can't be used against him. Kaz just developed something of a I don't care what it tastes like, as long as it gives me what I need to function / what I want out of it, it's fine kind of mindset with food. He doesn't eat or drink things purely out of a desire to enjoy it, it's dangerous, so he just ... eats and/or drinks when he can no longer avoid it ( unless it's within easy reach or something ). He often drinks plain black coffee, but in reality, he enjoys it with some cream and sugar, maybe even a little chocolate. He's not inclined to drink tea because ... for him, it doesn't really provide anything useful enough most of the time. It's really not until either post CK or until someone brings him something he actually likes that he's reminded that, like ... oh yeah, Enjoying Food / Drink is something that exists, I used to do that. Given the clear attention to detail about the food he'd enjoyed when he was a kid, when he was with Jordie, ect., I feel like it's something he subconsciously misses. There's some other things that I'm wondering if it's related, but I won't be able to entirely tell until I write about it ic, so. I may update this later. But yeah!! Kaz has a weird relationship with food and drink that he's eventually got to untangle someday.

[ridiasfangirlings]

I don't know if you've done something like this before...so Saruhiko loves Misaki, they're dating ig....buut unfortunately Misaki can't satisfy him in bed, let's say he isn't lacking only in height oops ;) but you know who is troubled by such problems? Mikoto 👀 So now we have Saruhiko who loves Misaki but he loves to do the devil's tango with Mikoto since his bf unfortunately can't satisfy his other needs. Please entertain the idea even if it may go beyond Saru's huge love for Misaki and may sound a bit OOC to you 🙏

Okay devil's tango made me laugh XD I do have some trouble seeing Fushimi doing something like this, since he'd be once again knowingly hurting Yata, but maybe looking at this less like Yata not being able to satisfy Fushimi and more Fushimi attempting to subconsciously sabotage his own relationship because he still thinks it's going to collapse anyway. Also maybe relating this to one of those asks I had in the past about attachment disorders, imagine Fushimi with more of a fearful-avoidant attachment disorder and so in this AU rather than avoiding touching strangers at all costs Fushimi's had a lot of sexual partners as just flings, basically his way of searching for affection while also rejecting anything with permanency since he assumes it won't last. Post-ROK Yata confesses his feelings to Fushimi and Fushimi accepts them but at the same time he's still dealing with all the old fears and doing his best to keep those from Yata, like he's simultaneously in love with Yata and terrified of Yata leaving him but at the same time he still can't bring himself to think this will last either.

When they start sleeping together Yata is of course a total virgin but say he's completely unaware that Fushimi is not, just assuming that the Fushimi who always hated being close to anyone certainly wouldn't be sleeping with other people while they were apart. Really though Fushimi's had multiple partners and he's pretty well aware that Yata is not, ah, well-endowed and also doesn't particularly know how to use it either, leaving Fushimi unsatisfied entirely. Fushimi doesn't say as much but it starts eating at him, like maybe assuming this is another sign they aren't compatible and he never should have let things get this serious. Assuming this is also Everybody Lives AU imagine this is when he ends up going to Mikoto, who has no idea that Yata and Fushimi are dating (because I think he'd absolutely refuse if he knew Yata and Fushimi were together). Even during the betrayal years Fushimi's had something of an 'not-quite-enemies-not-quite-friends with benefits' thing going on, like imagine Fushimi getting into some trouble at a bar once when he was trying to pick up a partner for the night, almost having his drink spiked or something, and Mikoto happened to be there and helped him. This spiraled into sort of a thing that Fushimi claims to hate but never actually did, and it's far too easy to go back into old habits (and maybe part of Fushimi is vindictively excited about this, cheating on Misaki with the same person he still feels like Yata 'replaced' him with). Mikoto isn't thrilled about the whole thing at all because I think he'd at least have some idea that if Fushimi's here wanting to sleep with him again there may be some emotional things going on but he also figures better him than Fushimi going to a random bar again.

Eventually Yata would have to find out about this and of course he'd be heartbroken (and Mikoto I think would be fairly pissed at Fushimi for not being honest with him, I could see him basically telling Fushimi to deal with his own problems and not draw other people into it, and that would be the end of things between them). Fushimi would just take Yata's betrayed look and part of him feels excited by it even as the rest of him is disgusted with himself, like I could see him in some twisted way thinking see Misaki this is how it feels when someone throws you away. But at the same time he knows he's just broken the best thing he ever had because even now he still can't bring himself to believe in anything permanent and isn't it for the best anyway, that Misaki won't be tied down to him anymore. I think it would be hard but not impossible for them to reconcile from this but Fushimi in particular would need some therapy or something, like he needs to face that he's purposefully hurting Yata and that he's allowed to have permanent things, he's allowed to be happy, and come to terms with the fact that what he really wants is for Misaki to stay by his side. Yata being more the hurt party in this situation I think more would have to try and understand why Fushimi's doing this, like to him at first it's unforgivable but when they finally talk and he starts to realize how afraid Fushimi is of everything to do with real intimacy and relationships he at least starts to realize what the reasons behind all this was and it gives him an outlet to forgive Fushimi if only Fushimi will ask him to.