#so much foreshadowing is unreal!

[mikimeiko]

The Expanse | Season 1 (2015-16), Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby

[cheswirls]

the beauty of black butler is once you know the main overarching plot and [spoiler] then it becomes so rewarding to go back and reread at any point bc there are simply so many hints that yana has scattered about absolutely everywhere.

[inside-black-moon]

Crowned by darkness.

Nothing foreshadowed this. She was sure that she was safe, because so much time had passed and everything had settled down. A thick viscous shadow flowed from ceiling along the brick wall, hiding the light underneath. The room was getting darker and darker.

- Wolf...

A creaking voice pierced her ears and pierced with its sharpness. She opened eyes and her breath froze in fear. Feeling a warm touch, all organs inside her shrank.

Nervous shallow breathing betrayed her weakness. How long ago it was.

Slowly, quietly, sliding down a black shadow, gently touching her body with huge clawed hands.

- I found you.

She looked up and saw him - The First Veil. A faceless head, similar to an old knee, was decorated with an old ritual piercing - a triangular ring in the nose, and a creepy minimalist crown that was threaded through the skin.

- You look different... I remember you... - she said in a strangled voice.

- Do you remember? Great...

This voice went cold through the whole body from the inside. How to get rid of an unpleasant interlocutor if he is inside your head?

- First Veil, you damn mutants... hybrids... children of the most cruel thoughts, you devoured your own kind, and people made legends about you... your crimes. But why are you still pursuing me?

He laughed.

- You are very stupid, Wolf.

The shadow grabbed her by shoulder and dug its claws into the skin. Moving fingers, it drew deep black scars on it. The eyes darkened with pain. Veil placed hand on her face and a quiet whisper arose in head:

- I name you "black moon", forever and ever. From now on, you, the daughter of Wolf, are under the protection of darkness. You cannot hide or deny. And you cannot get out into the light. You are a part of me. I am a part of you.

The darkness dissipated. Wolf lay on the floor, gasping for breath. Tears silently flowed from eyes.

- No..no no no no...

........................

- She's unconscious, faster!

The light seemed to go out. Familiar voices rang out somewhere in the distance. Mixed together - real and unreal. It smells of dust and some unpleasant heat, so much so that it scratches your throat. It's impossible to breathe. And here's the taste of metal in mouth...

- Arthur?...

- She's losing blood, faster, damn you!

Everyone around is making noise, running, dragging somewhere, doing something with my body. It seems they've undressed me. I definitely wasn't ready for this.

- What the...

- Tattoos?..

Yes, strange tattoos were spreading across my body, the mystery of which Rorschach himself would envy. Unfortunately, they were alive. Unfortunately, it was a type of infection. Unfortunately, it was no longer a secret.

- Don't be afraid, everything is fine...

It's stupid, of course, to be so optimistic, to be a hero and wave your hand - oh, it's nothing! But sometimes, they say, a lie for the good has a place to be.

- It's... not... contagious...

Before i passed out, I saw that look of his. Like a shot, like a bullet with the inscription "stop lying" flying right between my eyes. But I no longer had the strength to explain and I was sucked into the warm, soft darkness.

The scars itched. Pulling the skin, they forced me to wake up and generously pick at them until they bled until itching went away.

Opening eyes, I saw him. The King, who was walking on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I had never seen him so scared.

Catching my gaze, he silently exclaimed and immediately wanted to scoop me up and hug, but remembered the scars on my body in time. Confused, he simply grabbed my hand and pressed it to his lips. Through his disheveled hair, I saw how his eyes were red and wet.

- Wolf...

- Now everything is fine.

- Promise me...

- Anything...

He could not stand it and burst into tears.

Raising herself up on free hand through the pain, she enveloped him in a warm embrace.

- You must tell me everything!

- It seems the time has come...

.......

- So they marked you on purpose since childhood?   

- Yes. But I found out about it not so long ago. All my life they said it was my special pigmentation. You know, like a birthmark. I... believed them...   

- Bastards...   

She nodded silently. Her upbringing did not allow to say such words about those who raised her. Not out of respect. But out of fear.   

- There was another girl in the torture chamber. I helped her escape, but it cost me dearly.   

She pulled back her scarf and showed a black pattern on neck - they deliberately introduced an additional dose of infection.   

- Wolf, you shouldn't have...   

- I shouldn't. But that would have been against my life rules. If you don't make the rules, someone from the outside will.   

She pursed her lips and bit the inside of cheeks, trying not to show emotions.   

- I understand...   

- I was looking for her. And I found her. But they found us too.   

The rain was pounding outside, the room had become much cooler both from history and from weather.   

- But now... why are they looking for you after so many years?   

- I don't know. But they have become even more cruel. I couldn't even ask anything. But I believe, I feel that she is alive and... maybe... looking for me? Maybe this is a warning so that I can never see her again... so that I avoid her...   

- Or they are just sick sadists, vengeful, unimaginably vengeful and spiteful.

- Maybe... maybe both...   

She leaned against his chest and tried to calm down. He thoughtfully hugged her and stroked lightly.   

- I will protect you.   

- It's dangerous. I don't want anything to happen to you.   

- But I don't want you to sacrifice yourself and take the hit again.  We barely pulled you out, you lost a lot of blood. If it weren't for the medical supplies, you would have...   

- Died? Not the first time.

He hugged her tightly, pressing to himself.    

She pulled back, took his face in her hands and peered into eyes. He was breathing nervously and she said quietly:   

- Nowhere in the system, nowhere in other dimensions is there anyone like you. You are dear to me. You are important and valuable. They are waiting for you... always. Exactly you, just as you are. With all sides of your personality. I will always accept you in absolutely any state. Just be there.    

I saw how these words slowly attached themselves to his consciousness. How slowly he heard and understood what was important to me. I do not admire impulsive self-sacrifice. That there is no need to be a hero 24/7, that comfort is not an eternal war, that a quiet life has more value than a decisive throw into the void. That the beauty of personality is in naturalness and versatility. And that you will be appreciated and accepted unconditionally if you are loved. Really loved. Even when you are burned out. Even when you're weak and bleeding. Even when you're just tired of everything. He closed eyes and his breathing became even, calm. The warmth of my hands spread across his face. There was a man in front of me. Alive, with a huge range of emotions who was struggling with the installation of not expressing them. There was a strong personality in front of me. This was my choice and I was not mistaken in it.

[cecilysass]

The Penultimate Partner Episode: Analyzing the Second-to-Last Episodes of Seasons 3-7

So I was thinking about the show’s tendency to do an episode that is explicitly about the Partnership—about the deep abiding bonds between Mulder and Scully—right before the season finale.

This doesn’t seem to happen in season 1 and 2 (the penultimate episodes are Roland and Our Town, respectively, which don’t seem to play the same role). And something different is happening in season 8 and 9, so I don't think they fit as well.

But during the show’s peak popularity, seasons 3-7, the second-to-last episode seems to be setting up baseline emotional stakes for whatever plotline is about to hit. These episodes are giving us the state of the partnership, reminding us how devoted they are to one another. They also tend to have to do with one or both partners having a distorted perception on reality that requires the other partner's intervention in some way. I’m calling them the Penultimate Partner episodes.

So can we look at the themes of each of these Partnership episodes and see development over time? I think yes. It’s gonna be long. I rewatched them all, so buckle up.

Season 3: Wetwired - partnership as trust Season 4: Demons - partnership as loyalty Season 5: Folie a Deux - partnership as shared madness Season 6: Field Trip - partnership as touchstones Season 7: Je Souhaite - partnership as happiness

Season 3: Wetwired  (right before Talitha Cumi)

This episode, like several in the Penultimate Partner episode category, involves a X-file that distorts perception. Because Scully can’t trust her own senses due to the mind control, she also can’t trust Mulder, calling into question the key tenet of their partnership. (And by season three, they have definitely established trust as the bedrock.)

Her gradual mistrust of Mulder in this episode is tense and painful; you can see on her face how much she argues with herself about it even as her mind is tricking her. Others who fall victim to this mind control phenomenon wind up murdering their romantic partner, but in the end of the episode, when they’re discussing what happened in the hospital, they both seem pretty unsurprised that Scully’s paranoia focused on Mulder. They both know, late season three, how crucial trust is between them. They understand that it’s Scully’s worst fear that Mulder would betray her. It’s not even news to them.

What Mulder’s worst fear might be is also hinted at, although it’s unsaid. He’s furious that her life is put at risk by the mysterious informant. When Mulder believes Scully may be dead and he’s going to identify her body, his reaction is chilling. He seems to completely shut down emotionally, not even showing any reaction to the Gunmen. Tellingly, when he is offered a choice between getting answers and going to ID Scully’s body, he doesn’t hesitate—he chooses Scully. (Sometimes people claim Mulder doesn’t show this kind of commitment to her until much later, even until Home Again in season 10, so it’s interesting to see it so unequivocal here.)   

I want to say that Scully’s anxiety about trusting Mulder in this episode is foreshadowing aspects of the cancer arc in the next season, but I don’t think that’s really what’s happening. This episode seems more like an entirely season 3 cap to the Anasazi / Blessing Way / Paperclip storyline, especially the murder of Melissa. Scully’s paranoia calls back Mulder’s in Anasazi, and Scully explicitly blames Mulder for her sister’s murder when she’s drawn a gun on him. Even just the fact that we're there with Maggie, who has a picture of Melissa displayed prominently, tells me that loss is supposed to be on both partners' minds. (Actually, the interaction between Mulder, Scully and Maggie is pretty amazing in this scene; they’re an emotionally complex trio who seem to be communicating on some other level. I love how when Mulder and Maggie are talking to freaked-out Scully they almost sound strangely unreal, almost like they really are speaking falsely. It allows us to imagine the scene as it looks from Scully’s point-of-view, as a massive betrayal.)

Wetwired is, technically, a mytharc episode, as this whole mind control thing seems to tie back into X and the Syndicate. Personally I think the episode’s ending, emphasizing the mytharc-related plot and X’s involvement and whatever tf was happening there, was a little misguided. For my tastes they would have done better to play up the more personal, character-based themes a little more. But I also think this episode was the first real Penultimate Partner episode, and it was setting some patterns that were going to be expanded on.

Season 4: Demons (before Gethsemane)

From the cold open, we can already tell this is already a more personal episode than Wetwired. Mulder is the one having perception problems now; he wakes from a disturbing dream, covered in blood, muddled memory. This is also technically a mytharc episode, but much more concerned with direct impact on character than Wetwired was. 

Scully instantly rushes to Mulder’s aid—walks right into his shower, for heaven’s sake—and absolutely never wavers in loyalty to him, even when he looks real, real guilty and a "rational" person would be suspicious. She is in fierce, must-protect-Mulder mode throughout this entire episode, from the moment she shows up palpating his head with her hands to her back-off behavior with the cops to her badass cold “I know what you do” comment to Dr. Goldstein. She also helps Mulder see through his distorted perception, telling him "this is not the way to the truth" as he holds a gun on her.

In this Penultimate Partner episode, we see something more than simple trust going on, although there’s trust, too. Maybe the word is loyalty or devotion. We see Mulder coming apart and Scully completely and utterly devoted to him. It’s actually very clear foreshadowing for the following week’s episode, Gethsemane. Mulder isn’t stable, and he needs Scully to keep him from “los[ing] his course,” as she says in Demons’ end narration. Gethsemane will follow up on the Mulder losing-his-course idea, and also will explore the idea that Scully’s bottomless support of Mulder isn’t always good for her. (This idea is voiced especially by Bill.) 

There are some ways in which this episode is a neat little bookend to Wetwired. In Wetwired, Scully flees to her mother’s house, desperate and paranoid; in Demons, Mulder, similarly unhinged, seeks out his mother at her house. In Wetwired, Scully sees things that aren’t there, and in Demons, it’s definitely implied that Mulder may be seeing things in his past that weren’t actually there. In Wetwired, Scully pulls a gun on Mulder, and in Demons, Mulder pulls one on Scully. 

I adore this episode, even though it’s definitely vulnerable to the critique that Mulder acts like a self-obsessed loon and Scully a hopeless enabler lol. Especially because it comes before the Gethsemane / Redux three parter, I wish the episode would have explicitly connected his behavior to the cancer arc, as I feel like that would have made his wild choices seem more understandable. If he felt like he needed to find answers faster because he knew Scully’s time was running out and he saw it all tied together with her fate, then we would get why he was acting so rashly. It would also tie more nicely into Gethsemane, which misleads the audience into thinking Mulder has killed himself, in part, because he believes she’s been given cancer to make him believe. But again, I love this episode. Scully showing up and putting that blanket around Mulder when he’s shaking. Her hugging him at the end when he’s desolate on the floor. This shows a partnership that’s been through Paper Hearts and Memento Mori—that’s moved beyond trust alone.

Season 5: Folie a Deux (before The End)

This is another episode about perception—about one partner seeing things the other can’t. Unlike in Wetwired or Demons, however, in this episode the altered perception actually represents the real truth, something everyone else fails to understand. The episode plays around with the tropes of earlier episodes like Wetwired, at first encouraging us to think that it's a delusion that Pincus is a monster, but then convincing us, through Mulder’s eyes, that the delusion is actually reality.  

As other people have observed, this episode ends up being a nice little metaphor for the whole show: Mulder knowing what no one else does, being ostracized and considered insane, asking Scully to find evidence to corroborate him and ultimately convincing her to believe him and see what he sees. Their partnership is, quite precisely, a madness shared by two. 

It’s a monster of the week, not a mytharc, so there’s no distraction of elaborate mytharc plot, just characters and monster. And this is a Vince Gilligan operation, so our focus is definitely on character. From the first scene with Mulder and Scully, we sense that we’re going to be talking about the partnership. Skinner gives them an assignment in Chicago that Mulder doesn’t think is worth it, and he complains in a particularly self-centered way to Scully, which she observes (“You’re saying I a lot.”) The episode is going to be very explicit that while Mulder might be monster boy, they are in this unhinged partnership situation together. Another important moment comes later, when Scully is calling the perp crazy for thinking he saw a monster, and Mulder says, “Well, I saw it, too.” Scully’s careful about-face after that, her delicate avoidance of implying she thinks Mulder is actually crazy, is part of the dance they’re doing at this late season five stage of their partnership. She doesn’t quite believe him, but she doesn’t knee-jerk not believe him either. 

And the foreshadowing of what’s to come in this one, whoo boy. Most obviously, we must acknowledge that 1013 knew exactly what they were doing when Mulder tells Scully “you’re my one in five billion.” A mere seven days from now, a mysterious beautiful ex who believes his theories is going to show up to immediately cast doubt on that claim. And this episode is also toying with the question of whether Scully actually does always back Mulder up when it’s important, when she has to accept she saw something illogical. At the end, does she tell Skinner she actually saw a giant bug in Mulder’s hospital room? We don’t know, but I think it’s implied she doesn’t. That’s all presaging what will happen in The Beginning coming off of Fight the Future. It’s Scully’s little way of resisting the madness, but it also hurts Mulder and damages the partnership, which will be a problem in season six. 

Season 6: Field Trip (before Biogenesis)

Full disclosure: this is my favorite episode. So I’m going to make some big claims about it. This is the ultimate Penultimate Partner episode—the one that best knits together what it wants to say about their partnership and what it wants to establish for the finale. It's a monster-of-the-week episode (another Vince Gilligan ep, with John Shiban) but refers to the mytharc often. It’s also one of the best episodes about their partnership, period. 

This is yet another episode about distorted perception. This time, however, under the influence of a giant mushroom, both partners are unable to perceive clearly, to determine what is real and what is a lie. And when they’re confused, they critically turn to one another to help them see what the truth is.

Coming off of season six, the partnership is rocky. Mulder is frustrated that after so many theories of his have borne out, he still can’t get the benefit of the doubt from Scully, something he explicitly says in the dialogue here. Scully has felt like she’s not been trusted or heard, like Mulder has turned to others (Diana Fowley, for example) rather than his partner.

This is an episode about how they absolutely need one another to be able to make sense of the world—that individually each of their points-of-view are not enough. In Mulder’s hallucination, Scully accepts his claims about alien life forms too completely, not applying enough skepticism, not pushing back against him. In Scully’s hallucination, a world without Mulder, everyone is unacceptably unquestioning of the status quo, refusing to dig deeper, lacking Mulder’s critical acumen and drive. Neither partner likes the feeling of being unopposed, and it makes both of them suspicious about the hallucination’s reality. They may think they want their own view to prevail, but they need one another to be a whole person.

The theme of what’s real and what’s not – and needing one another to discern the truth–is exactly what is picked up and developed further in the Biogenesis-Sixth Extinction-Amor Fati arc that follows this. Scully’s skepticism has to stretch to incorporate more of Mulder’s worldview to make sense of what she sees in the Ivory Coast, and of course, Mulder calls on Scully’s worldview to see through his misleading dream world in Amor Fati. In fact, you could argue Field Trip is really about the idea that Mulder and Scully are one another’s touchstones—the people they need to know what’s right and real. 

Incidentally, this episode also plays around with some of season 6’s other subtextual throughlines: Mulder and Scully’s anxieties about possibly entering a non-platonic relationship, their unease about what a normal, domestic life might even be for them. For the entire episode they’re directly compared and juxtaposed with the Schiffs, a young married couple who died on Brown Mountain. The Schiffs are a tall man and a redheaded woman. They even die hallucinating lying together on a hotel bed after she asked him to “hold her” (although I do seriously doubt 1013 was intentionally foreshadowing a full year ahead). The last shot is of Mulder reaching out to take Scully’s hand across the ambulance, suggesting a kind of partnership beyond just, you know, partnership. Which takes us to the next season.  

Season 7: Je Souhaite (before Requiem)

Truthfully, I don’t think this episode fits quite as well in the Penultimate Partner category. It doesn’t share some of the same traits as these other episodes—it’s not quite as notably about perception, for instance—and it’s not fundamentally about the partnership in the same way. But it does end up commenting on their partnership (even their relationship, really) as part of its theme, so I think we can include it—especially because its position right before Requiem ends up being important. 

Je Souhaite (btw, written and directed by Vince Gilligan) has a bit of an unsettled feeling to it because it was kind of treading water, waiting to see what happened with DD and the series. Nothing too monumental could happen with the partnership or the plot because it wasn’t clear to anyone what would happen next with the show: whether it would end or continue, whether DD would be involved or not.

So we have a story about Mulder and Scully making peace with not having a significant impact on the world—e.g. not bringing about world peace, not introducing invisible bodies to science. Instead, they are content to delightfully share a beer and comment that they have made one another “pretty happy” (as Scully says about Mulder). Through the jinni character, they seem to take the lesson that they can enjoy being with one another, accept the simple happiness that their relationship brings them. Rather than wish for success that comes too easily, they take joy in the little things with one another.

Comparing this episode to the Penultimate Partner episodes that come before, we can really see how Mulder and Scully’s dynamic has evolved by season seven. We have a Scully who is much more open to supernatural phenomena, for example, and whose skepticism seems more like a reflex or a defense mechanism now. Scully’s move towards belief is partially reflected in the plot of the episode: the X-file here really isn’t even science fiction. It is just straight up fantasy or magical realism. Aside from Scully's brief mention of a disease to explain what happened to the mouthless man in the cold open, no plausible scientific explanation for the jinni's long life or wishes is really even floated.

Scully is delighted by the discovery of the invisible body, and Mulder is visibly delighted by her delight. He’s also frustrated by her retreat into doubt when the body disappears, of course. But even the reversal into her old skepticism is half-hearted, as she soon after she's engaging in discussion with Mulder about what his final wish was. This is consistent with the overall blurring of the old hardline believer-skeptic dynamic we see in season 7. It’s also peeking ahead to Scully’s coming role as resident basement believer in season 8. 

The last scene, with the beers and Caddyshack, is meant to be a callback to djinni Jenn’s comment that she wishes she could “live my life moment by moment... enjoying it for what it is instead of... instead of worrying about what it isn't.” Mulder, we see, is taking a cue from her. (And good for him, as we almost never see these characters do this. Except on rare baseball-related occasions.)

However, this episode’s position right before Requiem—and right before the events of season 8—ends up giving this scene a real bittersweet bite. We know, after Requiem, that they were probably a romantic couple at this time. We know, after Requiem, that this time is going to be their last happy time together for a long while. Later in season 8, we learn that one lingering wish of Scully’s in season 7 is that she wanted to conceive a child with Mulder. And of course we know, after Requiem, that she gets her wish—but with a vicious catch, with a terrible side effect, much like what happens with the jinni’s wishes. 

So that’s my academic thesis on that. I know others have pointed out the existence of this type of episode before. What did I miss? Do you think I am wrong to leave out seasons 1, 2, 8, and 9? Why do we think these episodes focus so much on distorted perception? Interested to hear others’ thoughts (if they make it through this lol).

[kirilune]

I feel really weird with what's been going on in Enstars lately.

I had a bit of time these days so i decided to watch the Crossroad anime. Naturally, the anime shortens the story but it reminded me of the original one and i felt really nostalgic. I always loved reading the stories in the ! era. They were all interesting and also silly in their own way. In every sentence i read, i thought to myself "man, these characters are really dumb and insane" and i loved it. I loved how real and unreal they were at the same time. I loved reading their inner monologues, their relationships with other characters and analyzing them... Or just simply thinking how silly they were. And it all made sense back then, it felt like everything was right as it should be.

When Engstars came out, i really enjoyed reading the stories in the !! era as well. All of the characters were grown up, and it was really cool to see their development through the years. Happyele wasn't doing too much of a bad job; everything was still enjoyable.

Let's think about the present; what we have now with Ensemble Stars. I haven't been keeping up with all of the stories that come up lately since i don't have time, but i know for sure Ibuki joining Akatsuki was an absolute disaster and it started to ruin so many things. I'm still boycotting Enstars, and i'll keep doing it. It's so sad most people stopped caring about it after a while. Happyele is NOT listening to us and unfortunately they probably will keep it that way. They decided to disband the ninja club a short while after. And it happened so suddenly too. Just like how Tsumugi's new haircut thing happened.

I am trying my best to be open to new stories, new characters and new ideas in general. I am a writer myself and i know how writing characters and building up a fictional world works. This game has been going on for years, and they can't keep repeating the stories, so they are trying new ways, but in my opinion, this is not it. They are making too sudden changes. There was no foreshadowing of Tsumugi's haircut, for example. This is a fictional character, not a real one, so their sudden changes will affect how the reader/player sees and values them. Sure, it may be an interesting part of his story and maybe a good development for Tsumugi, but it still feels wrong. These new stories that are coming up all feel wrong. It's not fun anymore. And i'm not even talking about the racist stuff happyele is doing and the reasons we are boycotting them for.

Man, i really don't know. I love this game and its characters. I never even really cared about the gameplay. I'm one of those players who just play it because of its story and characters. But it's all making me really disappointed now. I will continue writing for this game, but i'm getting really sick of happyele ruining things...

[asurrogateblog]

the pink floyd recurring theme of obscured identity means EVERYTHING to me. the mannequins and masks in this music video foreshadow so much..... we've got the guy that impersonated syd on stage by wearing his clothes. the press conference that they sent cardboard cutouts to instead of actually showing up. the imposters committing crimes under their names leading to a warrant for rick's arrest. their reputation as a "faceless band" that could walk out of a concert with the crowd unnoticed. the surrogate band instilling such a sense of unreality in the audience that they wouldn't leave when the venue caught fire......what does it mean....what does it all mean

[eco-lite]

Time for notes from my reread of JR volume 2! You can find thoughts from my first read here.

“The Cat’s Eye of Insight”

* I was going to say that a liter of milk is a lot for a week, but it’s only like 4 cups. That doesn’t seem crazy for Richard, Seigi, and clients to drink that much. Maybe Japan isn’t big on milk drinking in general?

* I love when Seigi says “hey, unrelated to what we were just talking about” and then proceeds to say something that’s absolutely related to what they were just talking about.

* Yes, we love not wasting food! Sustainable king!

* Sad to say Richard’s wealthy upbringing means he doesn’t care at all about wasting food. 😒 Pretty funny that he’s impressed by Seigi’s three ingredient leftovers recipe because Richard can’t cook for shit.

* “I’d prefer pudding 🥺” RICHARD.

* “Working at this shop had made me realize that intimate relationships came in a variety of shapes and forms” (12). Woohoo! The thesis of the series!

* Anddd the child is here. 😒 No matter how many times I read this story, I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy this kid. I sympathize with him, but what a little brat!

* “‘You sound just like one of those shady men in the street safety videos we watch at school’” (17). 😵😵😵

* Seigi is a saint for trying to make friends with this child. Could not be me.

* I really like this teamwork dynamic here. Seigi gets the client to open up about their problems, and Richard swoops in with the solution.

* Richard being kind to this child is very important to me. Maybe he sees a reflection of himself as a kid.

* God, the stress this kid is under is unreal.

* Why is Hajime’s first idea to take his little brother to a restaurant if he’s hungry? Do no wealthy people cook in this world?!

* Glad it was a relief-filled reunion for Hajime’s family. It was pretty ironic when his mom asked when he got so arrogant lol.

* Richard would also be concerned about my grasp on discussions of finances. It’s all “too abstract” for me too. 😅 Luckily I’m not studying economics, unlike a certain someone who should probably understand how assets work for his classes…

* “‘I just hope, for your sake, that you have no good-looking friends who might one day approach you for your help robbing a bank’” (59). What a wild statement, Richard. Seigi isn’t swayed by all beauty, just you. He wants to make milk jelly because it will make you happy.

* “Richard turned his head away with a “hmph!’ When it came to the topic of sweets, his reactions got three times more childish than usual. Honestly, I secretly kinda liked it” (59). Hehehe. I’ve been loving their banter in this chapter.

* “…if I ever got my own house and was with someone who also loved animals, I wonder what I’d name our pet? Maybe I’d give it a child’s name?” (60-61). Foreshadowing! We love Jiro!

“The Fighting Garnet”

* “‘One thing human beauty and gemological beauty share in common is that neither is bound by a strict set of standards. I believe that one of the myriad ways to appreciate gems is in communing with stones, thus allowing us to imagine a world in which beauty is not defined by stereotypes’” (73). Richard has a really nice outlook on beauty considering all the trouble his own beauty has caused him. He’s clearly though about this a lot.

* Richard is making me want to read Sherlock Holmes again lol.

* “‘Perhaps you could say it’s the perfume of life itself’” (75). Okay, Richard, very poetic. Honest question: do we think Richard enjoys being outside? Like would he go for a hike somewhere? I’d tend to doubt it, but I think he would appreciate a stroll in the park or the sophisticated beauty of an English garden.

* “‘…chapped skin on the hands around this time of year tends to be indicative of someone who works with water’” (76). Boy, can I attest to this! Working in an estuary is very rough on the hands.

* It’s so fascinating to me that Richard emphasizes so heavily to Seigi not to intrude into their clients’ personal lives, and to not make assumptions about them, yet he’s over here intuiting everything about them with just a glance. Hmmmmm. It would certainly be great for sales to be able to know more about his clients without even asking, but it’s a bit hypocritical to tell Seigi off for doing the same thing in a more open way.

* Was the girl Yamamoto’s partner left her for a high schooler?!?! 🤮🤮🤮

* “‘I don’t think I’m going to have another chance in my lifetime for someone to give me a ring, so I decided to take matters into my own hands’” (78). Oh, honey. I really hate this mentality that once a woman passes a certain age, she’ll never be attractive enough to find love again. I’ve certainly felt this way before. But we have to remember that this is an insidious part of the heteropatriarchy that allows men to manipulate women into settling for any romantic relationship they can get. Also, 27 isn’t old at all! And why is a romantic relationship worth so much to people when they have great relationships with their friends and family, like it sounds like Yamamoto does? Maybe it’s my perspective as someone on the ace spectrum, but romance isn’t everything! There are so many other wonderful kinds of relationships to enrich your life with. Don’t worry about just one kind.

* “‘Whatever path you decide to walk, I believe making the decision for yourself is most commendable’” (78). Richard speaking from personal experience.

* It always suddenly hits me that Richard’s life must have been terribly lonely until he decided to run away from England.

* Richard acting aloof and sarcastic when Seigi says looking at Richard’s face brings him happiness, but then implying that he and Seigi are soul mates two seconds later?? Make up your mind, man!

* Richard unbotheredly sipping his water as he listens to this asshole get broken up with. Iconic behavior.

* Societal dating standards are a bitch, what can I say?

* “I did realize one thing, though—while words like ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ are words of praise, they’re also words of judgement… One careless remark, one wrong step, and you’re approaching verbal abuse. I never thought about any of that before and just kept calling Richard beautiful” (102). Yes, Seigi, you’re learning! It is really heartbreaking every time Richard responds to a situation like this with “I’m used to it.” He shouldn’t have to be. And of course Seigi doesn’t mean any harm by it, but unintentional harm is still harm.

* I’m proud of Yamamoto-san for sticking to her values and fighting for herself. She’s a warrior indeed. And I love that the pomegranate tree she sent to Richard and Seigi will continue to be a reminder of the lessons Seigi learned in this story.

* Yes, Richard has been through so much. But he’s a warrior too. To live is to fight. I’m kind of surprised Richard kept his composure so well throughout this story, considering beauty is such a touchy subject for him. But I also think he’s spent so much time thinking about this and coming to terms with people’s interactions with him that he could confidently tell Yamamoto that there’s so much more to beauty than good looks.

“The Dance of the Emeralds”

* What a crazy first page lol.

* I always find it interesting that Seigi never protests that he’s not dating Richard because he’s a man or because he wouldn’t be interested. It’s because he is interested in dating Tanimoto. He just has a very one-track mind focused on his intended partner, I guess. You could say his focus shifts to Richard once he and Tanimoto officially decide to just be friends.

* “Going out to eat together’s a big step” (111). Seigi, you did that with Richard first. :P

* Not Aki seeing right through Seigi’s intentions immediately lmao. Most people can read a room like that, but not Seigi and Tanimoto. They’re special.

* “What a calculating man” (118) 😂😂😂

* Omg Homura strikes again!

* “She had the vibe of someone who’d just come running from a construction site” (134). As in, because she was being harassed there?? I still don’t get it.

* I love Shinkai not even being phased when she first meets Richard and just starts talking his ear off in (presumably) French.

* “‘He’s like Shouko? You mean he can eat more food if he has a side of gemstones?’ ‘Huh? D-do I wanna even know what that means?’ ‘As long as I have a trapiche emerald by my side, I can eat three whole servings’” (135). 😂😂😂 I love this little exchange.

* Shinkai having given Minako the malachite pendant to ward off sickness and then saying “‘I guess it doesn’t really work though, huh’” (139). Ouchie ouchie ouchie!

* “‘Are you unfamiliar with the concept of a search engine?’” (143). Richard, give him a break for once! 😂

* And then it continues: “‘Please! I’m not good at reading western script. I’ll pay for your drink!’ ‘Remind me again who was incredibly smug about having memorized all of my names?’ ‘That’s not western script—that’s your name! I’m capable of remembering the names of important people in my life.’ Richard aggressively averted his eyes, grabbed his cup, and began drinking his water. He must’ve been really thirsty because he downed the whole thing” (143). Yes, Richard, you are important to people! Accept it!!

* Richard starting a reluctant story with “long ago in a place far away” is so funny to me.

* “Maybe his family situation is really complicated” (145). Yeah you could say that…

* Tanimoto is a really incredible person, but her streak of thinking Seigi has a crush on everyone but her is crazy lol. Typical aroace behavior. And Shinkai telling Seigi “You should probably try a little harder” (158). 😂😂😂 And after Seigi thought he really set a good mood, too…

* This dynamic of Richard being like “This case might get dangerous. You coming?” And Seigi being like “Of course I am” is so Holmes and Watson. I love how much Tsujimura is playing into the Sherlock Holmes comparisons in this case.

* So I googled “old scholar making a deal with the devil” and got to learn about the Faustian bargain… Pretty funny analogy.

* It still gets me that Richard so casually ate the caramel out of Seigi’s hand! And Seigi describing it as “this massive, beautiful fish ate it right out of my hand” (168) is hilarious.

* Oh yeah, I’m sure those incriminating documents just happened to be laying on the desk… I’m loving this Watsonian unreliable narration.

* Richard demanding the caramels in exchange for continuing the story. 😂

* “‘I know I’m just being crazy, but you’re not like an undercover agent or something…are you?’ ‘Caramel’” (179). 😂😂😂

* Richard fishing for compliments from Seigi and then getting embarrassed by Seigi’s response will never not be funny to me. He’s truly fighting for his life with his own desires.

* Don’t say he’s just a last minute replacement!! 🤬 I do want to see the scene of Seigi asking Richard to go with him though. What kind of expression would Richard make in that moment?

* “‘What you saw in that performance was not the world of the choreographer’s intent but the inner workings of your own heart’” (187). Wow. Yeah.

* Hhhh this ending is so bittersweet. I really wish Richard had gone to the after party. Then he and Tanimoto could have interacted sooner, and it would have probably been a pretty sweet/funny dynamic between the three of them. I guess Richard saw Tanimoto running towards Seigi and assumed this was the woman Seigi has been talking about this whole time. He thought it was time for him to step out. But at the end of the day, Richard is the one Seigi wanted to spend time with after the performance. He was part of the inner workings of Seigi’s heart at that moment. But Richard still doesn’t feel worthy of Seigi’s affection, or anyone else’s for that matter, and he’s still got a lot of walls up against getting hurt. I think fishing for that compliment from Seigi earlier was Richard opening up just a tiny bit, but he still has a long way to go until he can openly accept Seigi’s affection. Or even understand Seigi’s affection for him. And the foreshadowing of Richard suddenly walking out of Seigi’s life… ouchie.

“The Opal of Reunion”

* Oh god, this is the one about the karate classmate… I forgot this was only in volume 2!

* I find the idea of Seigi and Richard just sitting around chatting in between customers really sweet. Doesn’t Richard have paperwork or whaterever to do though? This is a business, remember?

* “‘…I think I find watching you talk at such length more interesting than the subject matter,’ Richard said in a completely flat tone before taking another sip of the tea” (191). Richard, your tone isn’t matching the implications of your words.

* Richard, don’t think I don’t see you dodging questions about your childhood…

* “‘Or do you mean like, he’s already got a wife and kids and stuff so our relationship might not be anything more than a nice memory to him?” (196). Seigi, this is truly a wild thing to say about a friend you weren’t romantically involved with. Richard is so taken aback lol.

* “‘…am I correct in my understanding of what your said earlier as a hypothetical example of a reunion with someone you were close to in the past that had sudden and drastic life change, making you grieve for your past friendship?’ ‘What else would I have meant?’ ‘…Absolutely nothing. Tea’” (197). Both of them are hopeless. 😅

* “Admittedly, his misread wasn’t totally off the mark. I do remember that back in my first year of junior high, I was pretty convinced that if I had to marry someone, he probably wouldn’t have been a bad choice. Maybe he would have actually kept in contact with me if I had jokingly tried to sell him on the idea with my cooking skills” (197-198). I remember being floored by this paragraph on my first read and I kind of still am now. It’s so interesting that Seigi can acknowledge he had these thoughts of wanting to marry a boy when he was younger, yet not even begin to contemplate his queer thoughts towards Richard at this point in his life.

* Oh, so he had striking facial features, huh?

* Leaving Richard out of the story when telling Hase about his grandmother’s ring is so revealing.

* Seigi, don’t use Richard’s line about the universe bringing people together on Hase! It feels like a betrayal, and I’m still mad about it.

* And not suggesting Étranger as a jewelry store recommendation… This is rough, man.

* Seigi continuing to use this line about the universe bringing him and Hase together is pissing me off! And Richard immediately warning Seigi to be careful. Of opening his heart too quickly, I guess. Taken from personal experience…

* Oh, honey… 😔

* Looking up Hachiko made me cry.

* Seigi is an actual saint for trying to stick by Hase in this situation. I would have dropped him in an instant, even though him trying to sell a stone that was given to him isn’t a huge crime by any means. It’s the lying to a friend’s face for me though… And Hase saying he never wants to see Seigi again because it hurts too much for him?? Fuck you, dude! I wish Seigi would have shouted all his feelings at Hase to make him understand how much this situation hurt him. I think they could have fixed their relationship, but maybe this is for the best…

* The thought of Richard singing along to Finnish death metal whenever he’s sad or angry is really doing things to my heart. I bet he’s done this a lot… But it’s very sweet of him to share this habit of his with Seigi. I think Richard not only wants to help Seigi through this sad moment, but show Seigi that he understands and relates to this kind of sadness. The image of them both yelling at each other over the death metal is pretty funny though. 😅

* “‘I…I’m no superhero! I’m just scared of being called cold-hearted! I’m scared of being a disappointment to the people I love when I can’t do anything to help them! It “hurts too much”? That’s my line, you big stupid asshole! I don’t do everything right!’” (239). Yes Seigi, let it all out!

* “‘People who try to do the right thing are often lonely. It’s not a path just anyone can walk, and sometimes such people shine so brightly, others have trouble tolerating it. People talk behind your back, calling you a hopeless idealist. But you’re not wrong. The core of your idea of what’s right isn’t some stubborn adherence to continuing on your own path but the noble desire to be kind to others even in the depths of darkness. And I think that is a most commendable way to live your life. I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. To the point that I find myself feeling envious at times’” (239). Seigi is so seen by Richard. I think Richard can recognize this kind of loneliness because it’s the same thing he has to endure everyday when people dehumanize him for his beauty. Both he and Seigi have to fight through the loneliness to continue down their own paths.

* Not the chef saying he’s never seen Richard bring anyone here before!

* Okay, so now we’re comparing Hase to Tanimoto too, huh? Very interesting…

* “‘When someone invites you out to spend time with them, it’s very rude to start getting depressed thinking about someone else’” (243). Richard, you can’t talk! Didn’t you just do this at the end of the last story?

* I think this was the story that created the formula seen in a lot of the later novels, where Richard doesn’t feature much for most of the story, but has a huge impact at the end. “Comfort mode” Richard is someone special indeed.

“The Serendipity of Euclase”

* It’s so funny when Richard calls Seigi “Part-Timer-san.”

* “‘You can make this sort of thing, too, can’t you?’ Richard finally looked at me, his blue eyes wide. ‘…What gave you that impression?’” (251). Richard “can’t cook for his life” Ranasinghe de Vulpian strikes again! I would love to see a short story about Richard’s failed cooking attempts.

* Richard ignoring the questions about his failed pudding and being so embarrassed is really cute. Honey, we all have things we’re not good at, don’t worry. Seigi will happily make desserts for you for the rest of your life.

* Yes Seigi, tell him to praise you more!

* “There was just something about this man who seemed like he’d conquered every sweet treat in the world having a surprising fondness for something so basic and simple” (254). I’ll let you in on a little secret, Seigi. It’s because you made it just for him. 😌

* Seigi making a cake for Valentine’s Day instead of White Day is certainly a detail… I summon bad karma on the homophobic children who shunned him. At least his grandma was always supportive of him.

* I think it’s really sweet that Richard wanted to show and tell Seigi about a rare stone in exchange for the homemade pudding. An equal exchange of what they’re each good at.

* “‘I was just thinking, for a second there, we were kinda like a cute married couple, huh?’ In that moment, I felt the temperature in the shop plummet. I had definitely stepped on a land mine. ‘I’m docking your pay’” (260). The way I can picture Richard’s content face just immediately dropping. 😭 The 1-2 punch is pretty funny though.

* Ahhhh I love this little story. 😌😌😌 It really showcases how comfortable Richard Seigi are with each other now. We love a good banter sesh.

[howitcouldgoes]

I’ve been obsessed with the 2016 Falsettos recently so I’m gonna post about it—

(Esp because Andrew rannells is in it and he’s my favorite actor ever)

Spoilers for those who don’t know how the musical goes if you wanna listen/watch it its on YouTube—

SPOILERS AGAIN (please watch the musical I beg)

So-

In ACT 1 we get introduced to Whizzer through “four Jews in a room bitching” but we really get to know him through “Thrill of first love”

And that’s actually where we start seeing foreshadowing of what happens to Whizzer at the end of this musical.

In the song Thrill of first love we find out Whizzer is a little bit vain, cheap, and very fit.

Through his lines/lyrics

“He doesn’t share my devotion to… style” and then he gestures to his figure which we see that the clothes are pretty snug and fit well on his body. Now the audience knows Whizzer is very fit for his age and he’s physically doing pretty well.

“I was trained in karate.”

Again they get the audience to think about Whizzer’s form and figure a thought to put in the back of their(the audience’s)mind.

“Whizzer screws too much to see, what joys monogamy, what a joy is saving his joys for one man”

So I’ll come right out and say it- Whizzer gets HIV/AIDS in the second act and dies by the end of the musical. This lyric pretty much explains that Whizzer has had sex with men before, possibly during, and even after dating Marvin during the events of act 1(he’s implied he’s stopped once he gets back with Marvin in act 2) - so this tell us how Whizzer got sick.

Next song, act 1

Before the song “this has gotta come to end” - the lights go dark, spotlight on Whizzer and there’s an alarm signaling time is up and it’s obvious only Whizzer can hear this alarm.

Foreshadowing to the audience Whizzer will eventually run out of time.

Next song,

In Whizzer’s song “the games that I play” again explaining how he got sick he quite literally says “I screw every morning” meaning every morning with Marvin or not he has sex.

ACT 2:

Now before things go to shit, in the song ‘Falsettos land’ we get to see Marvin and Whizzer playing tennis(?) with each other and it’s the first time we get to see Whizzer winning at something.

In the song “baseball game” and “chess game” we see Whizzer isn’t strategic or tactical enough to win at chess but he is smart enough to know how to play base ball and tennis. So now he’s winning against Marvin for the first time and it’s lovely and Marvin is usually the first two tire compared to Whizzer who seems to be having the time of his life - and not out of breath.

In this scene he’s also pretty fit and his uniform fits well on his body.

Then when we see them play again (something bad is happening) - on stage we see now Whizzer’s uniform for their game is baggy showing off Whizzer lost weight which is what happens with cases of HIV.

It’s also incredible the “1, 2, 3, 4,” “1, 2…” is similar to how Phillip dies in Hamilton as Eliza and him try to do their “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8(but French)” and his voice fades out as he passes away.

In Whizzer’s case his counting fades as he runs out of energy and breath.

“Hold him down, keep him back, something’s gown out of whack” - Whizzer can tell he’s not usually like this.

“It’s unreal, you’re a quitter”

“I can’t go on anymore.”

“Excuse me.. I’m ready to go.. I’m ready” (alluding to Whizzer’s final song about how he’s not ready to die but he knows he has to/he will)

Finally in act 2 we get his final song - “You gotta die sometime”

And we get the summary and something to look for next viewing as Whizzer contemplates about how things have gone.

“I would cry if I could(no energy, no reason), but if does no damn good to explain I’m a man in my prime(tennis game, baseball)”

In this song as well it’s almost ironic but the way Whizzer describes death as a person or figure - he is almost describing Marvin.

“Death is not a friend - He puts his arms around me and lets me hold his face, he holds me in his arms and whispers something funny, he lifts me in his arms and tells me to embrace his attack!”

Something he almost wishes Marvin would do to him or something Marvin previously used to do. As implied in the song “thrill of first love” when they enjoyed fighting as a way to show love. Hence the “brace his attack”.

And again when he describes it; “death’s a funny pal with a weird sort of talent. He puts his arms around my neck and walks me to the bed(Marvin helps Whizzer to the hospital bed at the end of ‘holding to the ground’ - we can see him helping Whizzer in the background as the set gets more real), he pins me against the wall and kisses me like crazy,(something Marvin no doubt has done before)”

And finally no foreshadowing but back tracking to Whizzer’s vanity and his love for style;

“Give me the balls to orchestrate a graceful leave”

Whizzer by the end of this song is still not contempt with the fact that he’s dying - but he knows/is understanding that it’s inevitable and he’s gotta accept it like everyone else.

Not foreshadowing or backtracking but the way on stage they take away a grey block from the cube or the “bed” signifies that with Whizzer gone there will always be a gaping hole or a missing spot that can’t be fixed or replaced - showing how deeply this family truly cared and loved Whizzer. Now that he’s gone their lives will never be the same.

And even when all the actors come out for their bow, the cube is still missing that block - to show that even with the show is ending and they’re addressing the audience- in that world Whizzer is still gone even tho Andrew rannells is right in front of them </3

This show has wrecked me

[bronx-bomber87]

Evening all :) This is the second to last ep of s2. Unreal. I LOVE this episode. For so many reasons. I think its underrated which tends to be some of my fav moments and eps with them. Love this one for couple reasons. One of them being we’re re-tapping into why Tim is the best T.O. for Lucy. Little more look into Tim’s growing feelings for her. Also their continual growth as friends and their deepening bond. I love them so much. Like I said already this ep is underrated and one of my favs and you’ll see why. Let’s get started on this goodie.

2x19 The Q Word

We start off with Lucy's alarm going off for her shift. She turns it off saying how she doesn’t want to work today. (Me either girl...) We see she has a special guest with her. Heh. It's Emmett. Dude still fine as hell. Guess she finally took him up on his offer. Damn girl proud of you cashing that card in haha Way to come back into the dating world.

He tells her to be few minutes late continues on to say ‘Bradford's chill’ LMFAO Not even a little and definitely not with training Lucy. You'll experience that soon enough and see how wrong you are sir. Lucy tells him she’s in the final stretch of her training. Just 30 more days and she’ll be free. (Like you really wanna be free of Tim…we'll let you believe that though.) She is excited to be free of the mind games, Tim tests and being chewed out in public. I can’t blame her there even though it molded her into who she is now as a cop.

Emmett jumps on the chance about making her late after her probation. Lucy has to basically say down boy LOL It’s honestly really nice to see how happy she is. Like I said in the last ep with Tim. With not being Lucy level happy. In this case not Tim level happy or comfortable but nice to see none the less. She clearly has allowed herself to not let Caleb drag her down as much anymore. That's a massive victory for her. Should be noted and appreciated.

Can truly appreciate the relationships they had prior and what they had to give to them before they’re together. Lucy NEEDED someone like this post-Caleb. Needed a sweet goober. I am thankful for the role Emmett played in that. Helping her start to move past Caleb and the damage he inflicted. Her commitment issues showing themselves hard when she asks him to play it cool if they run into each other. To keep them on the DL. Also I don’t blame her she’s in the home stretch of this. Wants to do a final focused push to complete her training as well.

We get to roll call. Grey announces today is the rookies one year mark in the program. He tells them congratulations on not washing out. Tim can’t help himself and poke the bear. Saying ‘We’ll see’ that shit eating grin of his and heart eyes I can not. How proud he is of her projecting off him.

Excuse me sir you’re doing a work flirt right in front of everyone. Look at the way he’s looking at her when he says it. A blind person could read his intentions. Her reaction is perfection. Like she can’t believe he’s doing their banter unabashedly in front of roll call… for all to see LOL Our marriage scene of the episode please enjoy.

Grey says this is the start of their 30 day push. To remind them they’re not there just yet. That they shouldn’t be celebrating until they cross the finish line. Pretty much a foreshadowing for Lucy in this ep. All of them but mainly Lucy and the SL her and Tim have in this one.

Immediately following roll call we join them in their shop. Lucy mentions it’s weird they haven’t had any calls yet. Tim puts on his T.O. hat and barks ‘Crime doesn’t have a schedule boot.’ Lucy just smiles his T.O. company line having no effect on her. Tim notices it right away and asks ‘What she’s so happy about?’ Lucy plays it off says nothing. Can’t she just smile? Tim doesn’t let it go. (Wonder who he learned that from?)

Tells her she’s been doing it a lot lately is all...Lucy bites back she didn’t know being happy was an impediment to being a good cop. Tim remarks he’s just surprised she hasn’t talked his ear off about whatever it is. Tim Bradford speak for he actually wants her to. Whether he likes it or not he’s come to enjoy her sharing things with him. When she doesn't he gets antsy like in this scene. Questions what's going on with her.

Tim acts like he can’t stand how chatty she is. When really he can’t handle it when she isn’t sharing stuff with him. Doesn’t want to feel left out in her life. Especially since she "granted" him re-access to it in 2x17. (He always had it she just had to remind of that fact) Lucy doesn’t budge on any info. So Tim starts taking shots in the dark. Asking random questions. 'Did she rescue a kitten?' 'Adopt a star?' LMFAO Timothy what? Haha god I love this man.

Lucy tells him what early s1 Tim would’ve been thrilled to hear. That her personal life is none of his business. He smiles and says there’s hope for her yet. Ok Tim I’m sure that’s EXACTLY what you want. Smh. My god these two. Do they even realize how much flirting just went down in that interaction? The banter, the looks, the cute little smiles. Look at them in those last two gifs above. As transparent as glass. These idiots I love them so much.

If you needed to see their chemistry in one glorious shot. This is it. What a beautiful shot of these two. How the sun shines mostly on her is lovely nod to them as characters. They're checking in with one another silently as they hear a ‘shots fired’ call come over the radio. Processing the severity of the call together. The lighting is beautiful, the looks glorious, that silent communication ever present. I adore it.

They can hear how amped up the rookie on the radio is. Tim attaches them to the pursuit. Harper and Nolan attach themselves as well. Jackson hears his friends panicked voice. Tells Angela they we’re in the academy together. He the follows suit of the other two. Such an intense drive to where Chris and his T.O. are in pursuit.

Sadly Chris disobeys his T.O. to stay in cover while backup arrives. This kid has something to prove and leaves cover. His T.O. shouting at him to stay back. Unfortunately he’s shot instantly in the chest multiple times by their assailant. The guy takes off leaving Harper/Nolan to chase him as they arrive on scene. Tim and Lucy show up after all the chaos has ensued. Tim pulls Martinez Chris’s T.O. to the side. Says he’s going to need to talk to him since he was a witness to the shooting. Jackson decides to ride with Chris easing Martinez to go talk with Tim.

Tim then does what he does best. Deescalates the situation. This man is trying to justify himself to Tim. Tells him how he taught Chris better than that. That he’s made mistakes before but not like this. Tim is incredible in this moment. This scene shows us how good Tim is at his job. How important he knows training rookies is to T.O.’s Why Martinez is panicking like he is. Feels like he failed this kid and is spiraling.

Tim uses that common bond to get through to an emotionally heightened officer. He's coming off his rookie being shot. He's not seeing straight and blaming himself. So Tim calms him down using logic and listening to get the statement from him. The empathy and understanding that follow are a skill that was sharpened by a certain rookie of his. (So damn proud) He's trying to relay to him this wasn’t his fault. He doesn't need to defend himself to him.

I love how he relates to Martinez in this moment. All the while he is looking at Lucy. His words carrying extra weight to them. Almost like he's telling himself this as well as his fellow T.O.. This is hitting closer to home for him than he'd like. His look says so very much to anyone who is watching closely. Eric crushing it per usual saying so much with so little. The depth of how much he cares for her at this point. The man was gone for her long before they got together. (He just hasn’t been clued in yet about that fact.)

The way his eyes dart over to her while he’s comforting Martinez. What happened to this man is Tim’s greatest fear on the job. Not preparing Lucy enough and she gets hurt as a result. If he could only realize how much he’s already impacted her. She would not have survived 2x11 if not for his training of her. 'The Cop Eyes' he instilled in her to drop that ring for him.

She had the grit and determination all her own to survive no doubt. That 'No quit' paired with his training is why she made it. If you wanted to see Tim’s PTSD in action it’s this next portion. That deep fear of losing her the way he almost did back in 2x11. This next entire scene is screaming that PTSD from that. This moment a stark reminder for him that he could lose her just as quickly on the job due to a mistake. That it would be his fault. Again.

Some may think Tim is too harsh here. He’s being a dick etc. That’s not what I see here at all. I see a man in emotional panic. A spiral really. Talking to Martinez shook him more than he’s leading on. Watching his biggest fear happen to someone else is triggering his PTSD more than he'd like. We all know even with Lucy’s forgiving him how he’s still haunted by her almost death. Tim is still learning how channel his emotions. Lucy has opened a floodgate of having them and he hasn’t learned to control them just yet.

I can relate so very much. When you’ve repressed feelings for so long, then allow them to the surface they can be overwhelming. The anxiety of drowning in those emotions comes out in one of two ways. Anger or a complete shut down. For Tim anger is an old friend of his. He can’t seem to tamp down how this situation is making him feel.

Nor does he know how to deal with why it is. So he sees a small mistake she makes and lashes out. His current anxiety is manifesting into anger right now. His fear taking a life of it's own. Losing it on her over something he wouldn't necessarily been happy about but not to this current level of anger.

He is panicking because after the final 30 days elapses he won’t be by her side to protect her anymore. Its a harsh reality he isn't handling too well right now. Rios being shot bringing that into sharp focus. That this could happen to her without him there to guide her. So naturally he’s going to be hard on her especially in this moment. His way of controlling it and his emotions. He just watched a rookie get fatally shot and carted off to hospital due to a small error in judgement.

All those emotions and all that panic are coming through in spades in this moment. Tim isn’t handling his emotions about potentially losing her well. It more than shows in this scene. If he was trying to hold his emotional cards close to his chest about Lucy in this scene he failed miserably. It comes out when he asks her if she wants to end up like Rios? Showing his hand so much in this scene emotionally.

Now Emmett making the mistake of trying to intervene bites him in the ass badly. It’s bad for a couple reasons. The road to hell is paved with good intentions as they say. Reason one it was a terrible idea. Don’t get between Tim and his person. Emmett caught an emotionally exposed Tim and ran into an actual buzz saw doing this. Today was the WRONG day to interfere with him. Not gonna lie I do love Tim going all alpha on him. Saying she’s HIS boot. Destroying Emmett completely asking if 'He's got it? Before walking away.

Second reason it was not his best idea. Lucy. I adore her telling Emmett she didn’t need him to save her. Damn right you don’t. She is capable of defending herself especially with Tim. That's one of her super powers really. It was more embarrassing for Lucy he tried to step in to "protect" her. Not only that but mess with her work dynamic with Tim. She asked him to be cool at work and he wasn’t. Lucy makes sure he knows that before she takes off herself. She isn't a damsel in distress and lets him know. Leaving Emmett stunned.

Nolan and Harper get a finger print ID off the ditched car they pursued. They’re gearing up to break into Serj Derain's. Tim knows Lucy is shaken up for multiple reasons. Her friend Chris being shot, Him chewing her out and her mini fight with Emmett. He is always thinking of her first even when he doesn’t even realize he’s doing so. It's second nature at this point. He does this by resetting her mentally before they walk in the door of this man's house.

Saying how they already lost one cop today. She’s not going to be another. He refuses to lose Lucy by her potentially losing focus in this moment. This man just knows her like the back of his hand. It always floors me. Knows innately she needs these words of focus. That her mind is elsewhere and he needs it shifted back to the task at hand. The continuous proof of why he was the perfect T.O. for her. Tim reading her emotional state and directing her emotions. This is his version of taking care of her. By telling Lucy exactly what she needs to hear before they start this.

Her look of understanding after he dispenses his words of wisdom to her is perfection. Complete understanding of what he's saying and doing for her in this moment. ❤️ Everything this man does for her has her best interests at heart and ultimately to protect her. (Just like she does for him) It’s a beautiful thing to watch honestly. The two way support these two have for one another. This is an underrated moment for them. I wanted to expound on it. It shows that bond they have.

That even though they’re closer than they used to be with how she can sass him from time to time. When it comes down to it that instant respect she has for Tim and his guidance. It is evident in this scene. His wisdom is guiding her right now emotionally and she knows it. That when he is serious like this she takes notice and listens immediately. She would follow him into hell if he asked her to.

They get inside with no issues. He isn’t home and the house is cleared. They’re searching his home office. Lucy asks Tim what they’re looking for? He tells her anything that can tell them where he is. It’s then Tim runs across some disturbing info. Confidential Police files on the Derian’s. Makes sense why nothing has stuck to them now. Someone’s been leaking info to the Armenian mob. A dirty cop in their midst…

We rejoin them in their shop. Lucy asks if they can talk about earlier? So much has happened today he’s not sure what she means. Lucy says about Emmett. Tim is immediately defensive. Tells her nothing to say about it. He tried to tell him how to do his job. On today of all days. Tim says he doesn’t care if he’s her BF. Lucy instantly cuts him off and corrects him. Says he’s not. (ahhh Lucy your commitment issues are showing again my dear) Tells Tim he’s a little dead to her right now anyway. I’m sure in the back of Tim’s mind that gives him a little peace.

Then comes one of the best parts of the episode for them. In not so many words this scene is Tim revealing something. Showing Lucy he cares about her in the most Tim way possible. He voices in a much kinder way his fears from earlier in the ep. That yes she’s only 30 days from the finish line. What scares him is when she crosses it he won’t be there to keep her from washing out anymore. 'Or worse...' The way she looks at him when he says this *heart clutch* Tim Bradford speak for I don’t want to lose you.

He solidifies it by reinforcing yeah he’s going to be tough on her. That is a straight fact. Then rolls a compliment into it as well. (How far we’ve come. *wipes tear*) Tells Lucy he’s only doing that because he KNOWS she can handle it. No one one knows her better than he does. No one will ever look out for her best interests better than he will. Or will prepare her the way he can. He only has 30 days left with her. Tim is going to make her as sharp as possible. So he can let her go when the time comes. Only way he will have peace of mind is if he does it this way.

Lucy’s reactions says it all. Beaming a little as she explains how sweet it is. She knows how he struggles with his emotions. That he tends to show them through actions rather than words. The fact that he told her this means so much. Tim in a roundabout way, told her he cares so much for her he’s afraid losing her after they're no longer riding together. That he can't protect her anymore after that. So he’s going to do everything in his power to safeguard her from this jobs worst moments and possibilities like today.

She makes sure he knows how 'oddly sweet' she finds his words. Tim is trying to bite back a smile above. That sunshine of hers seeping in just a little bit more. Trying to be a grump and be like 'That's not what I meant' when that's exactly what he meant. Revealing more cracks in that emotional wall of his. God I love it so Much.

Lucy continues on and says he’s not the one she’s mad at right now. That’s she’s used to Tim. Then he does something S1 Tim would be appalled at. Gives her advice on her personal life. Doing it not to please her or get her to stop talking. But because he genuinely cares about her. Giving me all the feels in this one. My shipper heart may implode.

Tells her Emmett is a fireman. So naturally they’re idiots LOL He makes Lucy smile in a way only he can. Tim forges on saying they mean well and Emmett is a 'not bad fireman'. Tells her not to write him off just yet. That he meant well by it. Look at our boy. I’m legit beaming with pride as I write this. How far this man has come in 2 seasons hell just this season alone. Leaps and bounds all due to the the sunshine human to his right.

Lucy being herself can’t help but rib him about this. That the reason he’s giving her this advice is cause they’re friends. Honestly yeah. At this point they are. S1 finale was the start of the friends foundation but they weren't there yet. It was the beginning of that deeper bond of theirs and we’re nearing the end of s2. All that foundation has now been laid. The fruits of it are they are friends now.

Best part of this section Is he doesn’t even deny it really. He scoffs a little af first (denial isn’t just a river in Egypt Tim) but concedes at the end. The light in his eyes and the crooked smile. You know this man is happy to be considered her friend. Her confidant. Once again Eric saying so god damn much with so little. I’ll never be over how good he is with that. Like ever. Could go on for miles and miles but I won’t do that to you all haha That wraps up their scenes together in this one. SO much good content thought. Oh my lord.

Sadly Chris passes away and Jackson is distraught. Lucy being there for Jackson is so sweet. Taking care of her business with Emmett but putting him first. I love their friendship. I do admire he came over to apologize and say he was wrong. Saying she’s the strongest woman he knows. That the last thing she needs is a protector. Well you as her protector yes. sorry Emmett lol That role is not meant to be yours. She has her fierce protector already. Tim is that but her emotional protector first and foremost. I mean he would smash a dude's face in for her LOL but she doesn't need that. That's it for this one. Such a good episode for them I can not.

~~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

Longer than normal cause the entire episode is so good. The Chenford would’ve been enough but the ep being so good on top of it I’m happy.

Angela seeing Smitty’s cam footage LOL he’s such an idiot and we all love him haha sadly how she finds out Erin Cole is a dirty cop though. Or one of them…

The whole SL with Chris, Derians and Armstrong it’s so solid and stressful to watch baha his SL was shocking when I watched it the first time. Watching this squeaky clean cop fall from grace and become a dirty cop. Tragic af but compelling as hell.

Rewatching it through the eyes of knowing you can see how much he was giving away in his scenes. So sad the ending for Cole. Debt erasure is a huge motivator for most it’s truly so sad.

Watching John and Grace continue to fall apart sucks. I truly liked them more so than him and Bailey TBH. Their chemistry was evident.

Harper thanking John for all his help in getting her kid back. That she wouldn’t be here if not for him. The impact he had. Such growth for her. Since day one she has marched toward growth and where she is now. I adore her arc and how far she has come in this moment. Such an overall amazing episode. Hell of an ep before the finale.

Thank you all for the continued support through likes/comment and reblogs. Means more than I can ever say. Our next ep is the finale. Woo. I’ll see you all then :)

[mazzystar24]

Besides the somewhat dismissive tone, I'm curious why Tommy asked if Buck and Eddie were dressed as "the wedding singer." Like, the fashion in that movie is very *stereotypical* 80s: bright, shiny suits, flashy, gaudy, over the top. Not...simple, well-fitting, light-colored pastels. I've never seen an episode of Miami Vice but even my first guess as to how they were dressed would've been that. Not to mention the fact that they were clearly matching each other. So The Wedding Singer feels like an odd guess from Tommy.

I actually made a post about this right when the sneak peak came out!! Hahaha same brain:

I’m assuming his guess is based off this scene but even that is SO ODD because

1. Miami vice is only a couples costume as far as the fact that they match go but if this scene is why he guessed the wedding singer then he thought it was dressing up as LOVE INTERESTS

2. THE FORESHADOWING IS UNREAL- A LOVE TRIANGLE WITH ONE WEARING PASTEL GREEN, ONE IN PINK AND ONE IN NAVY???(granted the order is muddled in the outfits but hey buck in pink has different symbolism than Eddie in pink🙄)

3. I mention it in the post but when most people think of dressing up as the wedding singer the outfits that come to mind are this:

Ignore the poor quality image it’s the only one I can find where you can see the whole outfits

NOT THE PASTEL GREEN SUIT AND PINK OUTFIT??

So again VERY INTENTIONAL AND ODD

[aicosu]

Ooh if you’re still taking numbers for the prompt thingie, 14! I adore your writing so much!

"Talk to me, prithy, I know you hath something stuck in that throat, and it's not ocean."

She stares through his soul before ducking her head into the wafts of her hair, scooting backward in aqua and shadow.

No avail.

"Well, fuck." Eddy sighs, sitting down in front of the glass coffin, boots spread.

Don't open the crate. They had decreed. An extra sixty pence for him to turn his eyes away and whistle over his morals. 

He'd taken the gold and opened the crate anyway, as soon as he was out of the city walls.

And it was a fucking mermaid they had him smuggling. A siren of the sea. A Poseidon witch. A femme enchantress who robbed men of mind and blood before drowning them at the bottom of the darkest trenches. 

She looks terrified. 

But isn't that part of the play? She's the most ethereal beauty he'd ever seen in his life, just likes myths said they would be. Then her glowing blue eyes and milk skin framed by golden floss hair was all just the meat under a propped up box with a stick. She'd use them to lure him to a watery death and lay eggs in his chest… or something. 

He doubts she could drown him in less than a trough of water, though. It barely reaches past her shoulders. And she had no space to turn or fold, let alone swim or kill. 

She's stationary and shivering. Stolen and smuggled. 

And Eddy doesn't smuggle people. And… Mermaids were… people shaped enough to fall under that honor code. Exotic birds of fire, beatles made of gold, and dogs that could bark open portals—sure. If the buyer liked animals and not just greed.

His normal fare is usually just illegal spices for the recreational minded. Liquors that controlled dreams for something to relieve a wounded day. Rare books with incantations for better genes and the like. Maybe some rare weapons and metals when he was in a legitimate mood. 

Buying and selling people was sadly common and sadly profitable but not so sadly in his repertoire. 

Til' now.

Accidental, promise. And the bad taste he'd had since stepping foot in the Duke Brenner's caste of forbiddens was a pretty big foreshadow, but one he could feel a rebellious itch against. Something that told him to take the job and ruin it. 

So here he was, in the back of his caravan with an open crate to a mermaid case outside the forgettable village of Pitty Glen, ruining it. 

Pitty Glen, because it is the complete opposite direction of the High Lord Creel's manor he's been directed to take her to, and it's also where his pseudo boy lives. Boy as in knave. Though smugglers didn't technically have knaves, they had accomplices. 

And Dustyn Son of Hender was a good one of those, with his endless tomes and scrolls of legend and mysticism.

"Verily, let's… see what we have here." He waves the Books of Seas at her. 

She bobs ominously in response, siren eyes illuminated like foggy moons. Her eyelashes clump, wet and golden, and the effect is such a detail of humanity. Eddy finds himself staring at the contrast of her very real details to her very unreal ones. The pearlescent skin pressed gently with patterns of scales that come and go with the refracting light. The golden thick of her tail, adorned in flimsy paper wet fins, pink and waving like a lady's chiffon wrapped around her. And the sparkling stones man made and otherwise crowned over her hair. Brooches and coral and pearls and possibly the broken chains of a man's pocket watch—like she had maybe slaughtered some humans and created jewelry from their leftovers as souvenirs.

"Apologies, good fuck, let's just—" Eddy pulls his eyes away because it's rude to gawk at a woman even if she probably eats people. "...see if anything in this blasted thing helps our dialogue."

Turns out the trinkets aren't souvenirs but status. 

Mermaids are actually pretty courtly, even despite the book's pages being littered with illustrations of naked beautiful women with large gnashing teeth and bloody claws—Eddy doesn't appreciate the over exaggeration of their gruesomeness, and flicking his gaze up to the even flow of her sineous scales, hair, and tail: the under exaggeration of her countenance.

They apparently make trade and fashion with each other by gifting all things… sparkling. Shiny was the only name on their currency. And the more one had, the more high up the court they were. 

"So, you're a mermaid lady-in-waiting? Or maybe a duchess of some reef?" he asks, flipping the book to spread its pages against the glass to show her the drawings of different mermaid treasure jewelry. 

She shrinks at first, the underwater jerk fluffing her chest, curls, and gems. But then she's bending close, touching her own little tiara of compasses and rubies.

Eddy stands, looking about the crates and baskets of his caravan, past the other cargo he'd taken on of opiates and weapons, shuffling through his own cot bedding and trunk to find something suitable. Something sparkling.

"I suppose maidens' love for bobbles is true on dry or wet land, ha!" Eddy barks, watching the aquarium case rock with her obvious excitement. She tries to follow the book when he takes it back. "Greetings, condolences, compromises, forgiveness, so forth, so forth—are begun with such gifts. Greedy! But understandable. I too, start all my friendships only if they pay tribute. Granted, I don't have friends, I have customers but…" 

A metal brooch clatters to the floor, stopping beneath the wedge of his boot.

The Templars sword and sheild.

He picks up the richly engraved cape closure and frowns.

"Well, it's not like I fucking need it anymore," he tells it and himself.

When he comes back to the coffin, the siren’s webbed fingers splay on the glass. Long sharp knives’ end nails tapping lightly as she peers close to see what he’s doing.

“Whoa, terrifying. Verily, the book is… not wrong then.” His eyes dart to the codex again and the drawings of bloody, horrible ends to the men who trifle with these creatures. 

But she looks curious. Innocent. Absolutely entrancing.

Gold all over and blue where it counted, she’s the sea itself in the space of refracted light. Even the junk in her hair she’s collected does it’s job, shining and glittering to match the deepness of her eyes and the wetness of her lips. Wetness of her lips—she’s in water, you absolute buffoon. Still. Entrancing,

That’s the point, that’s the point, that’s the point…

He shakes himself. Murderous mythical creature or not, he’s not selling her to some high bidder who will display her in a dining hall for lords and ladies to gawk at for the rest of her life before someone decides they haven’t tasted mermaid morsel or some lord deems her fit for a deadly romp.

And he can’t help her return to… wherever she hails from if he can’t commune with her. 

So this.

Flashing the brooch at her proves worth it. The water inside splashes with her excitement, her eyes on the shine with rapt attention so much so she doesn’t notice the case above her pry open. Eddy drops the metal inside and yelps back when she twists and jumps upon it.

“F-for you! Dear… lady. Y-ye! You fancy that? It's a gift! Want to keep it?”

Curled in her palms, she grins.

Oh.

“Ohhhhhhhh….” he wobbles, staring at her teeth. The incisors are familiar. Flat like his. her canines and the rest however… Sharp and long. A beautiful skin she has, wrapped tight around a body made for destruction. Like engraved plating on a blunderbuss. Gem-encrusted sheaths on blades. Many, many, many blades. “You... you must need those… for something, then.” Egads.

She ignores him though, too busy closing her eyes to focus on attaching his old Templar’s medal to the collection in the crown of her head.

Eddy picks up the book again quickly, reading fast down the passage of gifts. “...once received, placement of parcel upon each siren is denotation of class… huh, hmmm… wrists, no, necklace, no…. hair! AH–”

Royalty.

“Oh, oh no. Oh… god.”

Royalty. Only those of high lineage within the matriarch may crown themselves.

Mermaid… princess.

“Y-you don’t think that would look nicer on, perchance, a lapel or, or, or an earring or—”

She blinks at his rambling, smiling with such grace and poise he’s only getting more and more upset.

Then she opens her mouth again.

But this time he’s not distracted by the fangs as much as he is the note. The singular, sweet, unearthly, and altogether unworldly note of music. Of voice—nothing of any sheet he’d ever known, and he’d known them all. A high-pitched, low-pitched, tuning fork flicked against the chords of time and space and heavens.

Around them, the caravan wobbles in color and picture, and Eddy falls back on the slats, dizzy as the world around him tilts, reverberates, and her face illuminates with a literal sun behind it—Golden and perfect. Oh, mighty sun, sweet maiden, to go to her and let her have him—! To allow him to sink into that noise. He would be so happy, so content—

Whoa—what?

“S-STOP! Stop, stop, stop!”

Her shoulders jerk, teeth snapping shut.

“N-no singing! Uh—”

Singing. Siren. Mermaid. Ships crashing into rock and men getting their face pried off for egg nesting. Bad.

“—I, I’m not, I don’t really enjoy music and, you're not really in pitch for that… diddy. Sorry. I’m pretty particular about… I have a sensitive… bard’s ear…”

She stares back at him, hands wringing through her hair fast and uneven, looking very much like a girl he’s yelled at and now was insulting and not a vile witch who’d just tried to enthrall him into a cannibalistic ritual.

“S-Sorry. Let’s. how about we just… we’ll wait to sing until you know. Never, maybe.”

At least not until he put her back in water and sailed weeks away from her. 

He puts his hand on the glass for recompense, eyes still dizzy with her beauty and whatever that had been.

And… incredibly, without prompt or circumstance, she does too.

Calm and graceful, and smiling full of needles and joy, she matches his rounded, thick fingers with her delicate points and laughs.

And it sounds… Boy, does it sound.

Eddy cries to it. Quite literally the sound of it yanks something up his throat and past his nose until he’s spilling tears. He feels magic in his veins. And not in a dreamy pathetic poet way—no, magic, scroll-full magic with history and weight in it that he knows for sure she is doing it.

“M-maybe no laughing either princess,” Eddy says, scrubbing his tears away with his hair. “That mayhaps be best!”

She laughs again and he curses as he puts his head in his knees and sobs past his own barks of mirth at the ridiculous situation. 

He cries and laughs and stares at the wood of the caravan floor and her again, shining and sweet—and h-how?

How in the realm did he get himself into such a mess? Such a divine mess?

Or is that the Siren’s song talking?

[mrcformoso]

Parallels and Details (part 2) for Paper Flowers for the God of Gods

This focuses mostly on Chapters 4-7. For Chapters 1-3, you can find it in Part 1

If you haven’t read the fic yet, this is in reference to my HuaLian fic Paper Flowers for the God of Gods! It’s a FlowerGod!XL AU in canonverse with Rapunzel vibes and Persephone & Hades vibes and an ungodly amount of flower language.

Again, OMG the response to this fic is UNREAL. Like I had to refresh it over and over because I couldn’t believe how much love it was receiving. This fic was both an emotional and mental ride hahaha because I really wanted to channel MXTX as much as possible.

If I was going to revamp the universe, I wanted to make sure that it was as detailed as possible, and so here’s another roundup of the details in this fic because The Brain Hurts But We Are Doing Our Best.

THIS IS ASSUMING YOU HAVE READ UNTIL CHAPTER 7. Please don’t accidentally spoil yourselves. It will be worth it, I promise hahaha this is mostly for me to show off point out details because these chapters got a bit emotional and just to show how much work I put in this hahaha

SMALL DETAILS - I’m a big fan of inputting tiny little details in this fic, whether it be a repeating phrase or calling out certain things that are for foreshadowing or for mood purposes

“He looked up, and up, and – oh”

The first instance of this line was in Chapter 3, during HC’s flashback: 

Hong-er, raising his arms in defense against the intruder as he looked up – and up – and – oh.

This was then repeated in Chapter 4, when Xie Lian rolled the dice and was waiting for San Lang.

Before he could even see the result, he heard the soft landing of footsteps beside him.

He looked up, and up, and – oh.

And finally, repeated one more time in Chapter 7, after HC’s confession, right before seeing the flowers on Xie Lian’s hair

1.He looked up, and up, and – oh.

Basically, it’s all instances when they were feeling extremely anxious and they look up and it’s like saying oh, there you are.

Foreshadowing phrases from flashbacks

So the first instance for example is Chapter 4 during XL’s flashback where it talks a bit about his eventual punishment and HC’s death. Those are direct quotes lifted from the actual flashback on Chapter 7. There’s also repeating ones in Chapter 6.

Capitalization and how important Xie Lian is to Hua Cheng using the power of Capital Letters.

Another thing people don’t really notice, but in Hua Cheng’s POV, he always refers to Xie Lian as his God with a capital G, but all other gods are with a small letter g, indicating the difference in how he regards them.

CALLBACKS AND REFERENCES - I love cyclical poetry and calling back events within the fic. Also, when I write canonverse AUs I love calling back to the canon, or referencing the canon in a way that makes sense in the new universe I made. I also try sometimes to add little references to other things I love.

The two deputy gods - and how important this scene actually was

In the Prologue, there was a super, super short scene where two deputy gods were walking around and one explained Xie Lian’s Gardens to the other, before they’re interrupted by HC. More than just a “haha, HC is gonna kill them” kind of thing, in this chapter it was used as a mode of world building, to establish what Heaven thinks of XL and of minor gods in general, as well as establish that HC made his way to heaven.

However, this is referenced again in Chapter 4. Because HC takes out those two gods, and it causes trouble for Qi Rong, SQX was given the opening to talk to XL about HC. This reveals to XL that San Lang’s real identity was HC (he knew there was a ghost king, and he knew the ghost king was San lang, but he didn’t know his real name)

This leads to Chapter 5 where, because he knows HC is SL, XL brings him to his territory to hide him when he couldn’t teleport out of the festival, which led to the morning reveal of Puqi temple.

Basically, the two deputies were the reason for The Confession in Chapter 7. Thank you, random characters.

Butterfly Weeds - I also think I may have traumatized all my readers from this flower.

Xie Lian’s hair has two indicators of his mood. The first is what flowers grow on his hair, and the second is the state of the flowers (the droop when he’s sad for instance).

So the Butterfly Weed Reveal™ was foreshadowed as early as the prologue. I deliberately didn’t explain what Butterfly Weeds meant because it was a setup for Chapter 6. But if you recall the prologue, XL was waiting on the bridge while looking at his reflection and this was the description I used:

He tucked his hair back behind his ear. It was Butterfly Weeds today, their small, orange buds littered the top of his head, down the length of his hair. He plucked a dead leaf from his hair, letting it fall on the river water, distorting his own reflection.

You learn in Chapter 3 from HC’s POV that Xie Lian’s hair flowers die when he’s really sad, so if you go back, it’s the first indication that XL in the prologue was Not Okay. The river distorting his own reflection was also a metaphor for his mental state and how he was not showing his Real Self.

The Blue Hydrangea

Sooo it was super quickly mentioned but the bookmark in Chapter 6:

He lifted up an old book, one with a bookmark made of a pressed blue hydrangea. 

This is the blue hydrangea that XL grew in his hair and gifted to Hua Cheng in Chapter 2:

…and in an act that surprised Xie Lian, [San Lang] tucked the Hydrangea behind his ear with a cute little “now we match, Gege!”

Which means the book came from Hua Cheng’s collection and not heaven. He literally gave the book to He Xuan to deliver to XL, and also kept the flower that XL gave him hahaha

The Page™ 

Chapter 6, the section of XL’s thoughts as he descends into the Bad Place in his mind was deliberately written in those short lines to sort of emulate the It Hurts page of the novel. I couldn’t really do that in fanfiction because this is not a physical book but I hoped it gave the same vibes.

Chapter 190™ 

There was really no reason for the human face disease and the stabby stabby but I kept the spirit of the torture XL experienced but through the shackles attached to him.

I also kept the spirit of Ghost Flame Hua Cheng unable to do anything until he burned everyone in teenager Hong-er unable to help until he started starving himself in XL’s temple while praying.

The formation of XL’s Habits

After the reveal of how Hong-er dies to save XL in Chapter 7, we see that XL starts showing the habits that we see him have in Chapter 2. That includes pacing around the perimeter, around and around until the sun sets, him looking at his own reflection in the river to see the flowers in his hair, and of course, the next point:

“It was a nice day. All days are nice.”

THE MOST PAINFUL ONE. IT HURT ME TO DO THIS.

This was actually first implied in the Prologue, but it was a more obvious repetition in Chapter 2 where each section started with “It was a nice day. All days are nice.” Initially, the implication is that it’s what he’s trying to convince himself is true (that all days are nice in heaven, therefore he is okay) But in Chapter 7 it is revealed that he started saying this after Hong-er dies. This shows that he started waiting since back then, and continued waiting the same way until he meets HC.

IT IS ALSO A REFERENCE TO THE NOVEL. It is supposed to emulate the year where XL was waiting for Hua Cheng to return. Because in this fic, XL is waiting for his devotee from his final request, and that’s why it’s the same vibe.

Princess Bride reference!

A cheeky little one. “Your wish is my command” which was first uttered by Hua Cheng in Chapter 5, brought back with more significance in Chapter 7 after XL asks him to be saved. In reference of course to the famous “As you wish” quote from the movie.

HUALIAN’S BACKSTORY - symbolisms, parallels, and running towards one another. I AM SO PROUD OF THIS. This was literally the first thing I had to flesh out of when I made this AU because the rest of the story had to be written around this and WHEN I TELL YOU the amount of time I spent making this omg –

Hua Cheng’s red string

In Chapter 3, we see that Xie Lian wrapped a vine with a lotus flower around Hong-er’s finger and he declared Hong-er as one of his flowers. Hua Cheng wears a red string now on the same spot.

Hua Cheng’s umbrella

The umbrella will make an appearance again soon! But yes, the red umbrella that Hua Cheng closes at the Prologue was the same umbrella Xie Lian hovers over Hua Cheng in chapter 3.

Hua Cheng’s name + Crimson Rain Sought Flower

THE INSPO FOR THIS FIC! Hua Cheng, literally meaning ‘Flower City’. After he dies, he changes his name to this to honor his Flower God, and tbh it holds a lot more significance in this fic.

Also, it changed the meaning of Hua Cheng’s title. Instead of Hua Cheng protecting the flower from the bloody rain, I made it so that HC deliberately protects any flower since they are considered his ‘siblings’.

“I want to be one of your flowers”

In Chapter 3, in HC’s flashback we see that Hong-er wanted to be XL’s flower when reincarnated because he wants to always be with XL. XL acknowledges this.

And although XL doesn’t put it together that Hong-er and “the teenage boy” were the same person, XL subconsciously considers him as his flower because of how loyal he was, and so XL took care of him like how he takes care of all his flowers.

And remember in Chapter 5, how XL reacted to seeing his flowers die?

Yeah. He felt that way, and mayhaps even worse, when HC died. The flowers in his hair rotted in just the same way.

“Wu Ming”

Not really done by name. But. If you notice, Hong-er never introduces himself, and Xie Lian never knew the name of his favorite devotee. I couldn’t do the “Wu Ming” thing because that was XL being deliberately cruel in the canon, and in this they have a much softer relationship.

But technically HC still becomes Wu Ming in a sense that he is endlessly devoted to XL and he sacrifices himself to save XL, so the spirit of Wu Ming is still in this fic.

San Lang (or, the three lives)

So the whole “San Lang” name in canon was a) a cheeky affectionate name (Lang is usually a term of endearment), and b) the “San” or 3 or third references the 3 lives San Lang lived (Hong-er, Wu Ming, Hua Cheng)

Now, in this fic, it means the same thing but in different contexts:

Hong-er is “reborn” as one of XL’s flowers in Chapter 3 - remember right before this, Hong-er mentions he wants to die and be reincarnated, to which XL asks “what would you like to reincarnate as” and gives him a lotus petal which means Renew, or Rebirth. This was the “end” of his first life.

Hong-er (or “the boy”) physically dies praying to XL for seven days straight without eating or sleeping. This is the end of his second life.

Hua Cheng is his third life, thus, San Lang.

Roses, Tulips, Gardenias, Daisies, Chrysanthemums

These were first mentioned actually in Chapter 3, but not by name because Hong-er didn’t recognize these flowers, but these were the flowers Xie Lian grew for him that ‘look like his red eye’. 

In Chapter 4, they were revealed to be the red flowers in Hua Cheng’s garden. Xie Lian comments that, if red, they all mean Love. And Hua Cheng says he grew it for a wonderful memory (his first meeting with XL)

Also in Chapter 3, He Xuan mentions that Hua Cheng’s communication array password is “five flowers, but he can’t remember the order”. In Chapter 4, it is revealed that these five flowers are his communication array password (BECAUSE HC IS A SAP AND WE LOVE HIM)

Chapter 6, He Xuan mentions these five flowers to basically tell Xie Lian that he’s working for Hua Cheng and to trust him when he gave The Book.

And of course, Chapter 7, where Xie Lian grew these flowers in his hair as his declaration of love to Hua Cheng. These are Their Flowers.

Paper Flowers

Of course, ½ of the title of this fic. Paper Flowers.

So this one doesn’t need much explanation. They are XL’s favorite offering because it’s not picked flowers, but it is mentioned explicitly in Chapter 3 that XL tells Hong-er not to pick flowers because they will die. So Hong-er dedicated himself to learn how to fold paper flowers.

This is also mentioned again in the end of chapter 3 that Hua Cheng STILL folds paper flowers every day and offers it to XL’s temple in Ghost City (at the end of the chapter). 

And during The Confession in chapter 7, Hua Cheng makes XL hold onto E-ming to free his hand as he sits and folds a paper flower to 1) show XL that he was the devotee, 2) fold a paper rose to confess his love and show his feelings and 3) you can say this is him praying to XL. The setting was with XL sitting on the bed and HC sitting in front of him. It’s kind of like he’s praying at an altar while making his offering.

E-ming - and the healthier relationship with Hua Cheng

So because Xie Lian saw HC’s red eye and declared it as beautiful, I made it so that HC and E-ming had a healthier relationship, and it’s shown in how HC takes better care of E-ming and treats him like a puppy.

In Chapter 5 he summarized his relationship that it started off as a curse (before XL), then it became his source of strength (After XL), and then his weapon. Chapter 7 shows that E-ming became his weapon because he wanted to forge something to protect XL in line with what he promised. His “wait for me, and I’ll come back to protect you” promise.

Role reversal

A theme I absolutely love with this universe! It’s very subtle, but it makes me soft.

In the flashbacks, it’s shown that XL is the one who took care of HC, from giving him a reason to live until he took care of him in his teens and made sure he was fed and sheltered and loved.

In the present time, HC becomes that person for XL, where XL is so sad and tired, HC became that person who brought him food, and validated him, and took care of him through their interactions.

“Tell me what you want”

Another theme I really wanted to incorporate in this universe. Related to the role reversal is the theme of asking for something that you want, and being able to give it to that person.

In Chapter 2, we have many instances of San Lang telling Xie Lian to just ask for what he wants, and we also have many instances of San Lang acknowledging any sort of request XL asks of him, even going away if XL says so (“You should go”)

Chapter 3, in HC’s flashback, we see that this came from XL doing the same for HC. Asking him what he wants. If you notice, XL didn’t tell HC to not kill himself when HC says he wants to die and reincarnate, but rather asked what he wanted to reincarnate as and then provide it.

Chapter 4, we see how XL’s wants are mostly ignored by other people (except SQX), until San Lang comes along, where he reassures XL that his wants are valid. Also, we see how XL 

Chapter 7, the big reveal that the entire time XL was doing what HC wanted before he died (“what do you want, I’ll do anything” “Wait for me”), and so HC goes back and asks XL again what he wants.

References to their canon themes

“Just one person is enough” - except here, it was one devotee praying for Xie Lian to overcome the shackles

“They’ve been running towards each other for 800 years” - in the sense that they’ve been doing things for each other and waiting and looking for each other for 800 years.

HuaLian back and forth - living for one another and meeting in the middle

MY DREAM with this fic was that I wanted to do in this fic was the constant back and forth between HuaLian. I revealed little by little their backstory over the course of several chapters in their POVs to showcase how important they were to each other, even when they didn’t really get to know each other that well.

Xie Lian gave Hong-er a reason to live by being ‘reborn’ as one of his flowers.

Hong-er becomes Xie Lian’s most dedicated believer, praying everyday and . Note, for a minor god this is a Big Deal because he has so few believers and temples to begin with.

Xie Lian takes care of Hong-er by feeding him, giving him company through flowers, and leading him to shelter, which was a Big Deal to homeless, abandoned Hong-er.

Xie Lian chose isolation over exile so that he could still take care of Hong-er.

Hong-er sacrificed himself by starving and not sleeping to pray non-stop to save Xie Lian from the shackles.

Hong-er asked Xie Lian to wait for him, because he was already dead set on becoming a ghost/not resting in peace in order to protect Xie Lian due to his own disappointment in himself.

Xie Lian, despite his grief, continued to live and wait in acknowledgement of Hong-er’s wish. He endured 800 years of imprisonment and mental torture in honor of Hong-er’s last wish.

Hong-er becomes HC and spends 800 years becoming a Ghost King and looking for XL so that he could fulfill his end of the wish.

And finally, they meet in the middle.

WAAAAAAA it’s so much but I super enjoyed writing this fic! Did you guys catch all of this in your read through? Are there other things you noticed? I have more, but they’ll be more fleshed out in the last 3 chapters!

[ellascreams]

I’m a poet and I’m bored, I’m going to over analyze the lyrics of the I Expect You To Die 2 opening credits. Spoilers. (Note, I couldn’t actually find the official lyrics anywhere, so the placement of the line breaks are sort of just me guessing. It shouldn’t affect my analysis much but it might annoy some people.)

From the spotlight I can see you Play your cards right, Kill your stage fright, This could be you Murder pun! Huge fan of the ABAAB rhyme scheme btw. I think this could definitely be a reference to how Zoraxis immediately knows that you’re involved, you get noticed in Stage Fright, which is when Juniper is literally in the spotlight. Juniper is also the one who first figures out you’re the agent from the Death Engine.

To me the most notable thing is that it immediately established the fact that the entire world is focused on Juniper, but he’s the only one focused on you, even more than the other Zoraxis agents are. It also foreshadows Phoenix’s rise to fame. Juniper is a celebrity, the whole world is focused on him, but if you play your cards right and stop his evil scheme he falls out of the public’s view while you suddenly become famous for saving everyone.

If all the world’s a stage, let’s set it on fire So you’ll be the spy and I’ll be the liar

Moving on to a simple couplet, AA rhyme scheme. The imagery of the first line is absolutely sick and I love it. There’s the obvious meaning in this line of Juniper’s evil plans, emphasized by the music video’s visuals of the nukes. Digging a little deeper, I think it’s interesting that Juniper really does seem to think of the world as a stage. He thinks of himself as the star and Phoenix as an extra, he thinks of his plans as scripts, his lies as roles, it’s his real egotistical view of the world around him and it’s what Zor exploits to get him to do what they want.

From the background You can hear me Highest billing, Makes a killing, They revere me

Switching to more of a ABCCB now but I don’t mind. Another murder pun! I honestly love those. Paralleling the first verse, once again calling attention to the fact that you’re hiding in the background while Juniper hides in plain sight, this also parallels Juniper noticing you. He’s paying attention to you more than anyone else is, and you see him for who he truly is more than anyone else does. You’re both aware of each other and you both know each other.

That beautiful mask you wear is all I desire So you’ll be the spy and I’ll be the liar

Great imagery once again. One thing they put a lot of emphasis on in this game (or at least the song and trailers) is the fact that spies are inherently liars or at the very least disguised. As he’ll mention more in some later lines, Juniper wants to defeat you, partially by getting past those disguises and lies. They’re your main defense. Once they’re gone he’ll have a better shot at winning.

He mostly just wants to destroy your disguises, but the video does show him stealing a mask, I think that’s because he can also use them to an extent. With the mimic mask, people’s faces become his masks. He uses the Handler’s voice to trick you. He could maybe use your voice and face to trick someone else. At the very least, something or someone in the Agency would probably be useful to him.

Face to face to face again

Because you’re both two faced. Probably my favorite line, it’s just such fun wordplay.

And through the camera lenses we ascend

This line could be taken a few different ways I think? First of all, it’s just cool imagery again. Secondly, it could be taken as breaking through lies. By breaking the camera lens, which would also be breaking through the fourth wall, you’re breaking through the unreality that is trapping you. As I mentioned earlier, Juniper really views the world as just another stage, so this could also definitely represent breaking through his plans and lies.

The final thing I noticed is the use of the word “ascend.” English as a language tends to view being placed higher, or at the top, as good while being placed lower, at the bottom, is bad. There’s a whole bunch of phrases related to it. It’s one of those little quirks of language. My point is that “ascending,” getting higher, can be seen as some sort of victory or success. This is somewhat emphasized by the music itself, with the instruments from the success score playing, and the actual success score itself being played a bit later.

I also think it’s worth quickly mentioning that these different meaning aren’t mutually exclusive. A line can mean several different things at once, that’s part of the beauty of poetry and language.

You’re a minor part I’m the major star Ha! The credits are more than just the end

Once again with him thinking of the world as a stage, thinking he’s the star, the most important person in the whole world, while you’re just an extra. As he says “the end” the success theme plays, which is just a neat detail, and it could be connected to the “ascend” line as I mentioned earlier. I also think it’s important that it plays while he’s talking about credits and endings, since that theme plays at the end of successful missions.

I might be overthinking it here but I also think this whole verse has some parallels to his monologue. You properly meet face to face for kind of the first time actually, you break through his film set, then there’s the obvious one of him calling himself the star and saying you’re just an extra, and then he calls the peace summit your final scenes but they’re just the beginning of Zor’s rule.

Cause the truth is I despise you I will tear apart All these works of art That disguise you

Love this verse. The voice actor is absolutely great by the way. When he says “I despise you” it really sounds like he means it. Juniper really does despise you too. That’s one of the things that makes him such a fun villain to me, he truly hates you, possibly even more than Zor and Prism hate you, because they at least respect you as a skilled adversary. Juniper doesn’t. He thinks you’re pathetic but you somehow keep messing up his plans anyway. To him, you’re like a pesky fly that won’t stop buzzing around his head and tripping him up.

This is also furthering the themes of the second chorus. Being a spy as you are, you’re protected mostly by disguises. He wants to destroy those disguises. He wants to tear apart the things that protect you. And this is once again described using masks because the mask imagery really is so central to Juniper’s character.

I’m making the final cut, it’s down to the wire So you’ll be the spy and I’ll be the liar And I’ll be the liar And I’ll be the liar And I’ll be the liar!

Another potential parallel to safe and sound, I think he quite literally tries to make “the final cut” once you burn down the set. I think now’s the best time to talk about the repeating phrase, the game’s namesake, “you’ll be the spy and I’ll be the liar.” I especially like the fact that the final verse puts extra emphasis on the liar part, because that’s ultimately the game’s main theme, lies and breaking through them.

From what I can tell, even the puzzle solving in this game has a lot more emphasis on seeing through lies and people actively trying to trip you up then the others. Like Jet Set, where you have to actively ignore almost everything Juniper tells you to avoid the death traps, or the notes the Fabricator left telling you to just “enjoy the show” in Stage Fright, you even have to distrust your Handler in Safe and Sound.

One very important thing for this theme is the parallels between Phoenix and John Juniper. They’re both liars hiding behind various disguises. That’s again represented by the gameplay, you go undercover fairly often. The big difference is just that Phoenix hides in the shadows and Juniper hides in the spotlight.

This theme and parallel is also super noticeable in the last level, Rising Phoenix. In order to stop Juniper, Phoenix has to reveal themself to the world. In the end, all the lies and disguises are gone from the EOD and Zoraxis, but for the EOD it’s mostly a good thing, and it’s very bad for Zoraxis. This is also when Phoenix sort of takes Juniper’s fame. And there’s another layer to the lies with Zor’s betrayal.

Wow ok so I went off on a tangent there. I just wanted to fully explain myself because it seems like a lot of people don’t understand the title. I think the repetition and connection of the spy and the liar helps showcase those parallels. The way it’s used makes it almost sounds like a common phrase, but it’s not, and that makes you stop to think what makes spies and liars related to each other. How are they similar? How are they different?

I like how in the song Juniper specifically says “you’ll be the spy and I’ll be the liar.” It reminds me of agreeing on roles before acting out an improv scene together or something similar. It once again highlights Juniper’s view of the world. In the title, and in most of the song and game, it acts like spy and liar are what you both truly are. What’s left when you take away all the lies. But with Juniper telling you that these are the roles you’ll be playing, it adds another layer of doubt and disguise. Are you really just the spy and the liar? Maybe. But maybe it’s just another act.

[romanticatheartt]

Rereading ACOTAR

Note: Before I start, this is not an anti post (well... maybe for Tam/in... definitely for him!) and if you think talking about the literal canon and call these unreal characters out on their flaws means that I hate these characters (which I do but that's my personal beef with Tamtam), then idk what to tell you lol

So 3 months ago after I read hofas I decided to reread acotar for the first time because I miss Feyre (and Rhysand... and the whole IC) like crazy. And I thought it be a good idea to read the original trilogy but since I'm a very mood reader I only read the first book lol. I had this post on my draft for 3 months now and I think I was scared to share them but now I don't really care.

I normally don't do rereads at all, my mind gets bored (I read my favorite scenes but never the whole book) so I decided to try something else and listen to the audiobook instead. And now I have thoughts!

This became longer than I intended but also I'm not going to add anything crazy that someone hadn't already pointed out so I'm just sharing some of my random notes (50 to be exact... it's long post) and thoughts of mine while reading this time around :)

This is definitely NOT a friendly-Tam/in post. If stating fact is considered as not friendly that is...

anyway ->

1. We have 2 chapter of the sisters in the beginning of the book and jeez both Nesta and Elain are the worst and as older sisters it pained me to read it for the first time. 2. I don't understand Elain, so I rather not talk about her and wait till her book comes out but she acts as a damsel in distress or be ignorant to the point Feyre questioning if she understand they're poor 💀 3. Although I have to admit, knowing Nesta now it was easier to go through it this time and not curse her in every page lol. But while reading the book I noticed that every time Feyre is thinking negatively of herself the voice in her head is the voice of Nesta. or whenever she wants to scolds herself, she call herself the names Nesta had called her. and it breaks my heart:

"and the part of me that spoke with Nesta’s voice had laughed at the idea of an ignorant human trying to admire faerie art."

"A half-wild beast, Nesta had called me." (2 times)

"Illiterate, ignorant, unremarkable, proud, cold—all spoken from Nesta’s mouth, all echoing in my head with her sneering voice."

4. Later on we see her actually coming after Feyre to saves her but this doesn't changes the fact that she verbally abused Feyre (and she acknowledge it!! trauma or not she abused Feyre to the point it left a mark on her so please don't turn her into a saint after one act of kindness lol) 5. There isn't much to say about papa Archeron except that he wasn't a great father. I understand depression have different effects on different people, but trauma is no excuse for how he was as a father (I genuinely believe a true parent would do anything for their children but some people are not cut out to be one and it's alright. but once you bring them into this world you have to guarantee that you can provide for them because they didn't choose to be in this life) 6. I know for a fact that if Feyre hadn't promised her mother to protect her family and didn't have a purpose to live her life, she would've been worse than Nesta. Because when she was in Spring Court, for at least 5 times she was guilt-ridden, thinking her family doesn't care about her at all (specially Nesta) or thinking about her shortcomings… (and like I said Nesta had a big role in these kind of thinking) 7. The first Feysand foreshadow was her painting night sky on her drawer<3 8. Lucien and Tam/in (specially Lucien) were so dramatic on their hate toward Feyre? she triggered a 48 years curse. It was always suppose to be this way. Andres knew what he was doing and accepted the fact that he might die. yes you can grieve but It's not really her fault now is it?

9. “You go somewhere new—and you make a name for yourself.”

^: well she definitely did that… 10. One of the things I noticed is that Tam/in was never NEVER Lucien's friend. he was Lucien's High Lord first then his friend and it's obvious from their very first scenes.

11. “We’re not going to bite.” Lucien’s white teeth gleamed in a way that suggested otherwise.

^: him and Cassian will get along well... 12. Feyre hates hunting... she says that to both Lucien and Tam/in. she does that out of necessity, if it's provoked. and not for the first time I realized Feyre is a mix of both Nesta and Elain. 13. Did we all got the vibe that Timtam was mad at Lucien spending time with Feyre because he knew he didn't have a chance once Lucien opens his mouth? 14. Feyre had real fear for Tam/in. in so many occasion we have her being genuinely scared of him. he even said it himself:

"But I could smell the fear on you, more than anything."

And in acomaf we have Rhysand saying he never felt fear of him from Feyre. and when they were UTM Feyre question herself that why she was always so quiet and submissive (not excatly the word she uses) toward Tam/in but with Rhysand she doesn't have that instinct. 15. This ship is the definition of Someone who doesn't know how to love x Someone who has never been loved and that's never a good pairing in any world. it takes one to be in a relationship with someone like Tam/in to understand that... 16. She always felt little, weak, stupid and so very human with Tam/in and Lucien and they never hide their feeling on the matter. 17. Feyre is such baddie istg... she killed a faerie, then went for a stroll and captured a suriel, THEN killed 2 nagas and a fkn wyrm while being a human... GURL- 18. Okay apparently every one says mature age in acotar world was retcon but Alis was talking about lesser fae not high fae? or specially their kind? idk I read that scene and all she was talking about was their kind and not high fae. 19. Timtam was never in control of his power... his power and anger had him on a leash not the other way around. 20. Feyre is always honry (LMAO)... but the sad part is Tam/in never matched her passion. he was always afraid that he's going to hurt her with his claws and bla bla bla BUT MY GIRL wanted him to claw at her💀 savage lol. all I'm saying is that he never gave all of himself to Feyre. 21. It always piss me off that Tam/in never taught her how to write and read. (and ig we all know why) 22. In chapter 19 we have Feyre asking if Fae can be mated to humans and in the next chapter we have Calamnai and something in her chest was pulling her to go and see and next thing we know she met Rhysand (aka her mate)

23. "There you are. I've been looking for you,"

^: PEOPLE DIED! 24. Imagine reading Feyre saying before her was the most beautiful man she has ever seen and not to think that it's fkn over for Tam/in lmao (point to this post of mine) It's also hilarious when she saw Tam/in after his mask was removed, she was like "handsome👍🏼" 25. Rhysand is such Theater kid istg (specially after hofas, the way he was just showing off)... he's like let me show her some tricks *walk around her and stars ripple from him* *blinking to show off the stars in his eye* *PURR* OK PEACOCK! 26. May I ask why on earth we never had a sex party like Calamnai in Night Court? I'm actually so mad because we lost the greatest opportunity WTF? Feyre was so hot and bothered about it and the reason they told her to stay at the manor was because Tam/in knew he will choose her and Feyre was like "oMg hE wOuLd chOoHe mE?" *tuck her hair behind her ear* girl- IT WOULD'VE FIT FEYSAND SO FKN WELL... maybe not on acomaf (even if it could be so healing) or acowar... BUT ACOFAS WAS RIGHT THERE!!! 27. One of the things I hate about the events after Calamnai is Lucien and Tam/in laughing at Feyre... ok... you weren't yourself, but the least you could do was to apologize for hurting and scaring her. it give off the vibe when people say "why was she out so late at night? what was she wearing?" it genuinely made me uncomfortable like the first time. 27. Something I noticed when I read the book for the first and I went 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩:

“No, I don’t want you to live somewhere else. I want you here, where I can look after you—where I can come home and know you’re here, painting and safe.”

"But his glamour had been ripped away. His auburn hair burned like hot metal, and his russet eye smoldered like a bottomless forge."

Damn I was right... 28. Tam/in always kept the truth from her, even the truth that wasn't a part of the curse :) 29. When Feyre drank that faerie wine she saw through Lucien's glamour... does he always have that glamour?:

interesting... 30. Tam/in is fkn coward! in more than 2 occasions Feyre was like why he's not attacking Rhys? why he's not kicking him out? and mf never once tried to stop Rhysand. NOT ONCE. yknow... sometimes in romance novels when you see your loved one in danger you don't care if he's the most powerful being in the world you just act and try to save the ones you love even if you don't win (and we know someone does exactly that at the end of the book)... it's effort that matters!!! and this doesn't stop here either it's even worse at UTM... 31. it's funny that Feyre is "in love" with Tam/in but doesn't stop to appreciate the beauty (Rhysand), even if he's in his villain era and making the love of her life beg on his knee and breaching her own mind... 32. Why Rhysand never called Feyre "love" anymore? the first time I read it I had put away my phone and take a deep breath lol. just like that "good girl" he called her at UTM... sjm knew I would've died if she used it more. 33. Never say never... Lucien:

“Those clothes are enough to convince me I never want to enter the human realm.”

The Mother humbled him real quick lmao. 34. ELAIN IS NOT AN INTROVERT FFS I'm so tried at everyone calling Elain an introvert while she's a social butterfly and we see that in this book!! and it pains me to see Elain stans are like "I'm a introvert myself so I understand Elain..." no you don't. she's traumatized, she's at her lowest in acosf. just because, like Nesta, she doesn't throw tantrums and drown herself in alcohol and sex means she's fine? you should be more worried for the person who looks fine!! 35. I adored the scene where Feyre teaches Nesta how to paint🥹 it just warms my heart<3 and now that Feyre has a art studio I want to see them paint together again or read Nesta's smutty books together at HoW!! (I read a fanfic that Nesta teaches Feyre how to read with a stick on the snow pre-canon and it just warmed my heart<3 don't get me wrong I love how Rhys taught her lol but there's something else in sisterhood...)

36. “There is a better world, Nesta. There is a better world out there, waiting for you to find it. And if I ever get the chance, if things are ever better, safer … I will find you again.”

^: Stop...😭

37. “Amarantha is High Queen of this land. The High Queen of Prythian,” Alis breathed, her eyes wide with some memory of horror.

^: That's why the whole high king and high queen will never work. people will never accept one even if they're a just person. they had the worst experience for 49 years. they can never trust a person to rule for all like that again. and honestly I hate the whole thing bye... 38. To me Amarantha and Tam/in are mates... for obvious reasons and it's fitting! idc what anyone else says 39. The whole chapter where she kills that wyrm is so hot!! and the fact that she's human and she's so calculated and plans in the span of few minutes to kill it and doesn't just attack and uses her brain instead is so hot!! I understand why Rhys fell in love!! *HOFAS spoiler* and it's funny to me how an Illyrian, a Starborn and a Valkyrie with a deadly mask struggled to kill the wyrm 😭💀 40. The only person, THE ONLY ONE who bet on her that she'll survive? who would that be? THE LOVE HER LIFE? no... and that's not something to just move on from! there's only two assumption we can make. one, he never believed in her to begin with, two, he's a fkn coward... which I think it's both. Rhysand was r*ped and tortured for 49 years and he never stopped helping Feyre and believing in her. and knowing Amarantha wouldn't be pleased with betting on Feyre, he still did it... 41. UTM Rhys supremacy... That's it. don't ask me anything... 42. How Feyre remembered the riddle for 2.5 months is beyond me... 43. Feyre appreciating Rhysand's beauty so randomly like... GIRL FOCUS!! 44. When Feyre questions her reason for why she's doing all these, for "just a few decades", should've been the sign... 45. How Tam/in finding a way to get Feyre alone right before the night of her last trial pissed me off the first time I read it… the fact that this was a goodbye to him. That in the past 3 months he didn't try to even react to her but the night before her last trial decided to fuck her instead of helping her to get out… he can find a way now, he can get out of Amarantha sight for more than 5 minutes to fuck her, but he couldn't have done that in the past 2.5 months… yeah sure this is true love. like I said it's the effort that matters not whether you succeeded in it... Tam/in disgusts me for a better word. 46. no note... *sound of my heart breaking*:

“When you healed my arm … You didn’t need to bargain with me. You could have demanded every single week of the year. Every single week, and I would have said yes.”

"And if you had any stomach for cruelty, you’d go to Amarantha and tell her the truth about her whore. Perhaps she’d give you Tamlin for it.”

“I know,”

47. This MF sat there until he got healed while every bone in Feyre's body was breaking and when he somewhat healed he began kneeling and begging?... KNEELING AND BEGGING!! JUST FKN KILL HER! (the way Feyre kept saying that) I don't want to hear one single word about how he was injured, bla bla bla he's a fkn high lord and a warrior I'm sure he experienced worse. the least he could do, was his fkn best to stop Amarantha. and this time around reading it piss me off so bad that I wanted to throw my phone out of the window... but you know who got up even when he didn't have his full powers? to save her, to kill Amarantha, to die with her because he didn't want her to be alone while she died? yeah... The fact that the first time I read it I thought this was the reason Feyre was going to leave him and what did she do?... my girl has no self-respect istg... Love blinds people I suppose... 48. Whenever Tam/in touched Feyre after this whole thing I wanted to throw up... when he cradled her dead body? oh I wanted Rhysand to mist him so fkn bad. he doesn't deserve to touch her, he didn't deserved Feyre's love, not once... 49. In my language we have an expression "whoever does the final task, they are the one who finished the job" obviously in my language it has more rhyme to it lol but it's a silly idiom and a stupid one at that; and When people start thanking Tam/in I was like: FOR WHAT EXACTLY? he just killed Amarantha at the last minute while he watch Feyre getting tortured? he just sat for 2.5 months while Feyre and Rhysand (and Lucien) do the works to free not just him but the whole Prythian... all the while he was in his home and you lot were imprisoned UTM, away from your home... who are you thanking to? (at least they thanked Feyre as well...) 50. Feysand's balcony scene has a special place in my heart:

“Why?”

“Because when the legends get written, I didn’t want to be remembered for standing on the sidelines. I want my future offspring to know that I was there, and that I fought against her at the end, even if I couldn’t do anything useful.”

“Because, I didn’t want you to fight alone. Or die alone.”

“Thank you,”

“You never told me you loved the wings—or the flying.”

“Everything I love has always had a tendency to be taken from me. I tell very few about the wings. Or the flying.”

“Be glad of your human heart, Feyre. Pity those who don’t feel anything at all.”

whew... sorry this is so long! if you read this till the end I LOVE YOU. anyway I might do one for acomaf as well whenever I reread it. and I'm pretty sure Tam/in is going to make me see red even more than the first time!!

And I'm glad I was one of those few who saw the red flags in Tam/in even for the first time...

first time read: ⭐⭐⭐

second time read: ⭐⭐⭐.5

I noticed so many foreshadow in this book! and so many other 🚩that I didn't noticed for the first time! for some reason I can't give this book 4 stars because I tired to go easy on Tam/in but it got worse lmao💀

[somekindofsentience]

a place between unreality and lucidity, or understanding the intentions of Chapter 12

CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSIONS OF DEATH, SUICIDE, AND ABUSE. I ALSO TALK A LOT ABOUT LUCID DREAMING, WHICH CAN BE DISSOCIATIVE FOR READERS, SO PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

SPOILER WARNING: REFERENCED YUME NIKKI AND OMORI SPOILERS, AND OBVIOUSLY, DREAMSCAPE SPOILERS.

We're back bois, and we're back with my favourite chapter.

I love Chapter 12 so much, the same way I adore the Truth Sequence in Omori. Originally I was going to compare the two, but I realised there's little overlap other than the intentions they're written with.

...so I wrote about the intentions instead. The little bitch boy intentions. You'll see what I mean.

Buckle up, this one takes some insane turns. I had wild epiphanies while churning all this out in a couple hours. I think I may be losing my mind.

understanding what I mean by "lucidity", and discussing dreams as plot devices

Lucidity is a very particular type of plot device that I find difficult to describe - it is a specific type of fragmented narrative that fragments location, exploring an impossibility that often has links to deeper meaning. Typically it is an abstract way of foreshadowing or revealing something to the reader, and it mirrors the concept of a "liminal space".

Dreams in texts have been used as a method of foreshadowing for hundreds of years. While the human brain has no ability to predict the future, but only reframe the past, the uncontrollable fragments of memory that are spat back out at you during unconsciousness have captured human fascination since we first started sleeping.

Dreamscape itself isn't a dream, but it is a different form of consciousness, and the creator has stated that Chapter 12 draws a lot from lucid dreaming, which suggests this counts as part of the 'Lucidity' narrative trope. As someone who does not dream much, I find this shit fascinating. Like I'm sure it's horrific as hell but. It seems so fucking cool.

Perhaps some of the best examples of the use of lucid dreaming to form narrative are Yume Nikki and its fangames, as well as Omori. Yume Nikki was a catalyst for the creation of many RPG maker horror games, and it's an excellent piece of work. No concrete story, just wandering an endless abyss of Madotsuki's mind, observing the horrors within it. The fangames branched off this concept (I personally recommend .flow ) and added more aspects, but never being concrete about the trauma.

Things are illogical in the Yume Nikki dreamverse, but they don't have to be logical, and things don't have to make sense to the player - it is purely up for speculation. At the same time, we know it has to mean something. There's an innate sense of exploration and meaning in dreams, despite the real life version often being meaningless bullshit.

This is where Omori explicitly diverts - it outright states what happened on the Recital day, in a short, distorted sequence known ominously as "The Truth". While the entire game is about lucid dreaming, this section captures the horror due to the illogical nature of it, where Sunny travels from his living room, to a hospital, to stairs, his bedroom, backstage... things are wrong. At the same time, the player is focused on completing the album and collecting the polaroids, with the confusing nature of the locations building to the horror of the final moment.

Despite all this, none of these sequences are the big moment, or even nearing the climax.

Yume Nikki doesn't have a big moment, unless you see the ending as significant enough for that title. It is a game about wandering unreality, and without a plot, it can't have a climax. It uses lucidity to provide a sense of narrative, even when there isn't one, tricking the player into trying to comprehend an impossible universe.

Omori is not building up to that that one sequence, but rather, it is a stepping stone leading to the Final Duet, which is the true climax of the game. It's an emotional release for Sunny and the player, a sense of finality in a game without a proper "ending". The Truth sequence is merely a way for the player to understand plot and build horror, and without the Truth's photo album... we would understand nothing at all. An impossible universe.

This leads to my big theory...

the purpose of chapter 12 - you can't understand it

Chapter 12 is a lying piece of shit and won't admit to us more than cookie crumbs about the future of the Dreamscape universe. And I still love it. And here's why.

Due to the abstract nature of it, we can't understand it. Perhaps Sunny can, to some extent, but since we're not sure the cause nor purpose for it, we can't understand it. We can speculate, but we can't understand. Just like Yume Nikki, we might never properly understand what each segment means.

Here's some little nuggets I've been scrambling through for information.

The beginning talks about time and distortion of it, which mimics some of the issues with time Sunny has in real life. This may be foreshadowing his eviction or declining physical state.

Body horror is incredibly prevalent, particularly self-mutilation. This has several implications, but it likely hints to Sunny's feelings for himself. It may also foreshadow what Mari looked like during the Recital day scene, which I'm starting to realise hasn't actually been shown yet. Interesting.

While this is one of the first times we see Mari as more than a virus or a corpse in the text, it's also completely distorted by Sunny's unreliable narration. Despite the slightly manipulative conversation held between them, Sunny is completely frozen in grief, desperate to beg for her forgiveness.

Sunny sits there with her pain in that hospital, insisting he deserves it. It hints further to Sunny's declining mental state, but that doesn't tell us anything more than his own self-loathing. Both this and the above point foreshadow Mari's potentially abusive nature.

Sunny is completely determined to stay within the lucid dream, and is also very insistent that Mari is somewhere at the end, which turns out to be right. How he knows this is not shown to the reader.

Segments of this are related to Mari's own memory, which provides us with a better understand of the VHS system, and of the accident that lead to her suicide.

The lucid dream is a representation of Sunny's unending trauma through what he perceives to be Mari's eyes, perhaps even a representation of what he feels he needs to do for her forgiveness.

We also learn a bit more about Pianoboy, who we know is a clone of Sunny, and he specifically highlights a connected feeling of isolation. At the same time, it has to go further than that, but we're again limited by understanding. There's more, but not enough to guess what 'more' means.

But those tidbits mean nothing. And I can't do much more than spew nonsense about segments, with no ultimate conclusion.

Because Chapter 12 is not designed to be understood, but rather, it's something to look back on when you finally do understand. It's foreshadowing in its most complex form, hinting ominously to what you don't understand. It is also similar to Black Space in this way - no-one can figure out the truth of the Recital Day from Black Space alone.

I could spend hours trying to understand every symbol, every room, the essence of Chapter 12 itself, and fuck me because i totally would but ultimately, it's all fragments of a deeper narrative, more complex than our limited understanding.

And it's a horrible, horrible thing to do to a reader. An unanswerable segment, dangling understanding right in front of their nose, but making it unreachable. Haunting them with the human desire to see patterns in chaos. What utter cruelty. How could you do this to me, @omoriboii. Why would you do this to me, the analysis God, with the most overthink-y brain in existence, and yet give me, ultimately, nothing to lead to. Why leave me a crumb to look back on, something I can never understand with the information I hold. I may be stupid, but I can understand when I am beat.

It's perfection.

why even torture someone with the inability to understand?

Building horror is incredibly difficult, because it's so easy to do foreshadowing incredibly wrong. We've all seen horror movies that are so bad they're funny, relying entirely on petty jumpscares, terrible props and showing off the killer way too fast-

Wait a minute. Showing off the killer too fast ruins everything? Dammit, I wanted to flex my big sharp knife. That's right guys. I'm the serial killer of this blog. ?????

Anyway, demonstrating the inability to understand something to the reader is a common feeling that gets the emotional brain hooked and the cogs whirring in the logical segments. You need to understand. You develop theories, you discuss them with others, seeking evidence, only to find something that changes your view, ruining everything, forcing you to start again. Being teased is fun. I am kinky

That's my favourite feeling of all time. It's why I spent hours searching for that again after I played Omori. I still remember my first theories of the truth of the game, right up until the one I had just before I discovered the real Truth. Even after that, there was more for me to analyse. Analysis. I love analysis. Yk?

I love a good challenge, and analysing these segments are so much of a challenge that I actually can't do it, which is why I get so hyped over it. Why do I do this to myself?

I actually don't really know how to end this, but I think you get my point. It's fun. I like it. I love suffering. uhh. dreams cool.

new bit: song i wrote this listening to.

today's song, the main title theme from Tomorrow Won't Come for those without.

i needed a reminder of what horrible liminality feels like, and that goddamn game does it better than anyone. i love it so much. thanks, etherane, your games cursed me with a sick desire for unreality.

special thanks to all the games who ever bullied me for having boring ass dreams.

[quillyfied]

GO2 spoilers, keep going to avoid bc this is spoiler town now. Got so hugely long I crashed my tumblr app. Yikes.

So I get why Neil best thought they would have been better released as individual episodes now, because the last 15 minutes really do overwhelm the rest of the season. Cliffhangers often do. Next time I watch, I think I want to savor it more. Because:

- PRE FALL CROWLEY CRANKING UP A NEBULA LIKE HIS CAR. AZIRAPHALE HAVING A GIANT CRUSH. PRE FALL AZIRAPHALE HAD FEELINGS FIRST BABES HOW ARE YOU DOING

- they continue to be The Most Married. They have a freaking “I was wrong” dance. The bitchiness of their bickering. The ways they just know each other.

- CROWLEY’S CHEEKY SCOTTISH ACCENT IN THE RESURRECTIONIST ADVENTURE. IM SO EXCITED IT EXISTS IN CANON.

- Baldad the Shuhite, best midwife slash cobbler in the land, lover of shoemaking and obstetrics XDDDD

- Crowley’s absolutely badass venomous “I long to destroy the blameless children of Job” thing…right before the goats give him away.

- Maggie!! So precious!! And Aziraphale! Brushing off a good deed as selfish openly!

- Nina! Deserves a better partner!!!! And to move on from whatever made her believe she deserved to have someone treat her like that!!

- MIRANDA RICHARDSON AS SHAX. WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED. WE ARE FILLED.

- so uh INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY GIRLIES HOW WE FEELING???? Bc I’m feeling great, woke up with Buddy Holly in my head. I cannot believe the gift we were given and how pitch perfect it was for how the fans have written it for the past four years.

- Shelley Conn’s Beelzebub though!! What a stunning performance! What a costume change! What an absolute wealth of rotting teeth and great eyeliner! More flies indeed!!!

- the fly constantly buzzing around Jim was a huge clue but I hardly dared hope for it to be true tbh

- Aziraphale being morally grey all over this season, eh? And super touchy. Like. The dance scene was uncomfortable bc of the overwhelming of their free will to fit Aziraphale’s fantasy, which was another big piece of foreshadowing right there, but the amount of times Aziraphale touches Crowley this season. Unreal.

- “I thought you said it wasn’t lonely.” “I’m a demon. I lied.” KILL ME

- Aziraphale’s first reaction to food though. There’s that darling hedonist we love and enjoy.

- OF COURSE THATS HOW GABRIEL THINKS BIRTH WORKS OH MY HECK—

- hang on, did Crowley figure it out since the Flood, then? Good for him!

- NEIL. NEIL THERE ARE ZOMBIE NAZIS LOOSE IN THE WORLD NEIL. NEIL WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM NEIL. NEEEEEEIL.

- CROWLEY’S HANDS SHAKING DURING THE BULLET TRICK. THEM PULLING IT OFF WITHOUT MIRACLES. THE SLEIGHT OF HAND.

- AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY TOGETHER DOING ARCHANGEL LEVEL MIRACLES BC IT WORKS A LITTLE TOO WELL

- frankly, the whole miracle detection thing in heaven in the first place. Miracle detection truth girlies, how you feeling?

- Maggie being so brave against a bunch of demons and stumbling right into bravado and accidentally inviting them into the shop. Nina backing her up. The two of them holding off quite a lot of demons with just fire extinguishers and encyclopedias. And an active portal.

- THE HALO THING

- MURIEL BLESS THEIR SWEET COTTON SOCKS THEY DID SO MUCH AND DESERVE SO MUCH MORE CREDIT AND PRAISE FROM ALL CORNERS

- do you think Crowley drunkenly revealing to Jim that the attempted executions at the end of last season were due to them switching places is going to have consequences in the future? Bc I’m nervous about that.

- also hey Crowley being super protective and particularly vengeful towards Gabriel truthers HOW U DOING???

- listen there’s so much to talk about and discuss and dig into but I really want to take a moment to weep over how Crowley kissed Aziraphale goodbye. So desperately. So sadly. And how venomous Aziraphale’s follow up “I forgive you” lands like a slap at the end of this tumultuous argument. Never could have predicted it to go like that. I’m still reeling.