#so my energy and time to do Extensive stuff is kinda low

[candycryptids]

Vierapril Day 6: Bloom

So the thing about Tuesday- he’s got loyalty in his bones. He’s also incredibly soft for big women.

And. Peatie is a delicate little flower who he would, and will, swear his undying loyalty to the moment she shows so much as a hint of feeling safe/comforted around him. Everyone be nice to Peatie and her new bodyguard who will blow you up to pieces if you’re mean to her.

[dragongirldg]

Hellooo there how are you

anyways if you want you can use this post to infodump on whatever you want

Info dumping huh? Well then.

I have been the biggest fan of this one ship for as long as I remember. Back in high school, I developed an interest in Homestuck. I obsessed over John Egbert specifically.

As I read fanfiction and looked at fanart, no ship sparked. I didn’t really care. I would read and yeah it’s cute and blah blah blah not my OTP.

Then the worst thing could have happened.

I looked at a crack ship and then I was fxcked. The more I thought about it, the more I loved it. Karkat who? Dave who? Dirk who? Sollex and Eridan who? Literally everyone that’s a common ship WHO?

It didn’t stick with me.

Want to know what stuck?

Caliborn.

I had this idea of Calliope getting to John first and then breaking up for one reason or another.

Then Caliborn and John date or live together for other reasons.

Calliope doesn’t really come into the equation anymore or show up in my daydreams.

I don’t why, but I thought it was adorable if John just got bothered by Caliborn at every turn. They’d bother and fight and just it was cute how much they antagonized.

Then I started developing my trans Headcanon and June eventually makes her first appearance without her being June. It’s only recently (late 2022? - 2023) that I heard the name June and went from there.

I would draw and write fanfiction after fanfiction adding and subtracting details.

June stays 8ft tall and Caliborn is slightly shorter by a few feet or inches.

Caliborn gets rid of the half shaved hair look for short curly hair.

I couldn’t stop doodling John all over my school work to the point my science teacher recognized him when I gave her a little quiz. She had a bearded dragon in the classroom and I loved holding them during class :3

(Don’t ask about the things I did in highschool)

I had a ton of ideas and a lot of them were problematic tbh so I’m still curving them out of my head for far better ideas.

No matter what fandom I became a part of John/ June x Caliborn never left me. I didn’t want to really read fics anymore since no one writes my ship.

Does anyone actually do pixies and Crocker and Harley and Egbert family dynamics? Do they ever have them interacting like a big extended family?

If I had the urge, I’d write my AU ideas more. (I’m kinda stuck at the moment, work burns me out to much and too often that I don’t have motivation to get through the one? Shot I have)

I am going to attempt to redraw this political romance fancomic I drew a long time ago to update it with my newest version of John/ June. That means she will be June. If I could find the notebooks I had.

With my inability to write I’m stuck with lackluster chapters and get nothing done. I need some form of energy boost for my creativity. It’s at an all time low at the moment, being used for other fandoms.

Like this Transformers AU that got me in a chokehold.

Optimom AU (I have a whole blog on it if you want to send asks and stuff)

Optimus becomes the mother of Soundwave, Sari, and Bumblebee. The seeker teens think of Optimus as their mother and there are like 9 of them. Not to mention the others that kind of sees Optimus as a mother figure.

Basically Found Family Trope :3

It’s more complicated than that and I have several fanfics and fanart (which is now found in the Blog)

The messy Age thing with Sari, it’s because I plan of having her die at some point (trauma) and I can’t in good conscience do that to a 3-5 year old (it’s by electrocution).

Yeah it’s messed up, but the world of Transformers is equally if not more messed up and morally grey :3

At least Ariel (Black Arachnia) and Sari get to become extensions of Unicron and Primus!

Sentinel redemption and Ultra Magnus retiring to become Optimus’ father.

There’s a lot to the AU I’m not going in to in this post but yeah!!! That’s it!!!

Honestly I could go on, but then the post will never end.

[chickenpeep77kirbyau]

Marx

My hyperfixation character info dump (links to other Kirby characters and other important stuff at the bottom of the page)

He likes cupcakes.

For my version of Marx, I made him more animal-like and Not Round. I made him furry, and instead of his shoes I gave him clawed feet. He has arms and clawed hands as well. He wears his bow tie on special occasions. He has sharp teeth and strong crushing jaws. His size can fluctuate depending on if he wished to spend extra energy supporting a larger size. Though usually he's most comfortable at around 2 feet 8 inches tall. If he is bigger, he has more mass and more physical strength. If he's smaller, he can accelerate faster. He prefers to use speed and sharp claws in combat. Also its entertaining to have people underestimate him. Density can also kinda be altered. Blood is purple because Cool. In universe, its due to an abundance of purple carotenoid protein complexes in his blood. Why purple? Who knows? Being able to produce carotenoids has many health benefits, including being more resistant to radiation damage.

He is immortal due to the piece of a Magic Dimension Entity stuck in his mind layer. His consciousness is unable to detach from the physical reality. The MDE also allows him to open micro rifts to pull in more magic on his own(Magolor cannot do this). However, he must use his own energy(substance from the base reality) to fully stabilize the magic from the low quality micro rifts, so he must eat a lot to power his abilities. The MDE also gives him a hunger. It longs for the power it had before; to be complete again. It compels to consume. Unfortunately, it is in vain, as the MDE is too damaged to realize that the simple particles and magic matter are like the difference between protons and complex molecules. It can't rebuild itself using only particles. It can't fully reach any of this additional power anyways, which is lost if Marx uses it (Or has his physical body destroyed).

Due to the presence of the MDE, he is immune to possession by those with high mind space awareness, since anything seeing what's already taken up residence in his mind will not want to deal with any of that.

These particular micro rifts, have a side effect of additionally releasing a variation of the magic particles. These particles, instead of powering magic ability, can accumulate and turn some of his carbon atoms into zeronium, a type of magic/normal matter hybrid. This malleable element now attached to various molecules allows for easier shape shifting than the average magic user.

He can also regenerate from injuries. If he loses too much mass or his injuries are too extensive, he might instead reform into a smol version of himself. If his body is completely destroyed, it can reform by his mind attaching to and transforming some suitable mass. He can increase the speed of regeneration for a higher energy cost, or wait for it to regenerate more slowly. If he gets too hungry or too out of his right mind he might uncontrollably consume surrounding edible things, preferring live meat. This might occur after waking up from regenerating from extensive damage. You don't need to worry that much though. It would take a dire situation, and he can actually go without food for an extended period of time(he wouldn't be happy about it though) if he's had enough beforehand. He is against killing sapient lifeforms unless they make him really angry or he feels they deserve it. Physical harm to him is often nothing more than an irritation. The surest way to invite hostility is to threaten any mortals he makes friends with. He is, however, fine with scavenging corpses, no matter how much others disapprove. ("Lor says its MY turn with their carbon. They're not using it anymore!") He is often attracted to signs of war or chaos in general, as this may result in free food(such as the dead) and entertainment. You might be able to get him to fight for your side if you're nice to him(he is NOT just a weapon) and can convince him your cause is just. He would probably take the opportunity to use his abilities and urges for "good". Otherwise he will watch from a distance and scavenge when its safe. He has low standards and will eat food from the garbage and eat carrion. His favorite foods are anything with sugar; high energy foods; he'll gorge himself on pastries any chance he gets. Loves meat as well. Marx's insides partially exist in folded space, allowing him to consume and process a lot of food at once. It also allows him to store extra mass, energy, and air for space travel.

He's a bit chunky. Its not fat; its actually because he needed more room for a more efficient bird like respiratory system.

He still retains aspects of his old life as a Popopon (Kirby species). His shape, his liking water, his electrical ability, third eyelids; part of his name. He can still make chicken purring sounds. He still has the pair of faculatative excurrent nostrils in his back (right underneath the scapulas) that used to lead from the air sacks to the inflatable under skin layer. Now they're just extra exhalation holes. They are usually sealed up and unused unless he is using them to vent heat during high levels of activity.

Marx's abilities are some like his canon self. He can fire lasers and energy orbs. With his wings he can shoot multiple solid magic projection projectiles in the form of the cutter blades and arrows. He can also shoot singular ones with just his hand. Can't split in half, but can split open his chest for big scary second mouth. (His esophagus is right behind the sternum instead of behind the heart.) Actual black holes are not within his power; he instead can generate a powerful vacuum from the second mouth. No thorny vine powers. Ice isn't his thing, either. He can't teleport (however, he can go so fast he might appear to teleport). He does have other powers he's figured out how to do. He can breathe fire and electricity. He can also just channel the electricity out through his extremities. He might zap you from anywhere on his body if he is startled by a sudden touch, and happens more often if he is nervous. He can cloak himself. He has super strength, which is done partially by increasing muscles by using stored extra mass, and partially by the magic in his tissues connecting and forming a solid mesh - which is also how he can increase durability. Also the magic particle mesh is how his body doesn't die from being in space since it can keep things properly pressurized. Even in space he can hold his breath for a long time, but once he runs out of oxygen he relies on magic to continue this function.

He also has limited shapeshifting powers. Mostly just limb adjustments; adaptations to his current environment. Things like switching to quadruped movement, increasing fur length if he's cold; turning claws into big scythes. Also generating and reabsorbing the wings. He doesn't usually put in the effort to do mimicry with the shapeshifting unless the form would benefit him a lot. He has to study the form he wants to learn to become and then also has to practice and train himself to become its shape. Fun shape shifter gag: *someone touches his arm* *he screams in pain and shapeshifts his arm bone so that it looks very broken* "Aaah! What have you done?!"

The wing crystals aren't solid. They are energy projections that power flight. Since he is not needing to fly at the moment, they are not there. His wings can then be used as tentacle arms to grab noms from further away. The tentacle is actually a shape shifted extension of his vestigial fifth finger bone. He can also make them regular pterodactyl like wings powered by muscle if he wants.

He can walk on walls and ceilings due to some combination of static cling and van der Waals forces and magic. He can hold his breath under water for a long time. He can go very very fast. For going interstellar distances, he creates a warp bubble, (aka the Alcubierre drive) around himself. He can see and hear things beyond the range of what we humans can. He can see in the dark and his eyes reflect light.

Even though he has technically been in existence (floating in space) for at least a hundred years,(its been only 20 something years since his crash landing on Magolor's home world) he still acts like a child. His transformation to his current state messed with his mind quite a bit; influenced current fears and things that make him uncomfortable, even though he can't remember his past. He can be overconfident due to his powers and immortality, and he's sort of a snarky jerk at times if he doesn't like you. He's a jokey goofball most of the time. Sometimes he is feral. Sometimes he is like beby child. He is aroace and an ambivert. His daily struggle is against the alterations in his mind done by the Nish(Nightmare's species) and the piece of the MDE. He is often reckless concerning his own safety. Because of his immortality, he knows he will never stay dead. This allows him to get into massive amounts of trouble without him having to be concerned for his safety. He dislikes Kirby. Why? Perhaps something in him and his piece of the MDE (Kirby is the same species as Marx was, and Kirby possesses a stable MDE) still remembers how they used to be, and reminders of that are painful.

He often tries to hide his immense power and predatory nature for fear of fear and rejection and being treated like a monster. He sometimes feels like an outcast and a monster. To avoid being outed as a monster, instead of murdering a mean person, he might just be incredibly obnoxious to them. Sometimes he'll hide his power, and sometimes he uses it to mess with people, be like "hehe fear me mortals" and say things like "you dare oppose me mortal?"(at the slightest inconvenience because its funny). It depends on how he's feeling and how much power he's accumulated at that time(affecting how confident he is). There is a struggle between fear and boredom. Due to his feral predatory nature, he will often stalk and kill his own food. Likes to run around and may play hunt (stalk, pounce, and run away while laughing hysterically) unsuspecting people in the woods. Spooking and pranking people (and just being weird and confusing in general) are other ways he can somewhat satisfy his predatory urges and keep himself amused.

I'd call him mostly chaotic good. He's a good guy, but he wouldn't spare the big bad because good guy thing. He wouldn't make a big fuss about having to do the lesser evil like lying. If he thought he could get away with it, he'd join the bad guys just to get their cookies, then escape and return to the good guy team.

While he doesn't have a charming personality like Magolor, what he does have is something we call "baby mode" used to get what he wants. He exaggerates his childish personality and acts really cute. This may be accompanied by shifting to a smaller size, reproportioning his head and blunting his claws and teeth.

Not too long ago during his Magolor is Missing story arc, he discovered he could travel to other universes without The Lor's power by creating wormholes. This requires an enormous amount of energy, however, and he's only able to keep it open for a brief time, and only large enough for him to go through. This is because he is actually not good at it. This also tires him out and he needs quite a while to recover before he can do it again.

The hat friend of his is known as Hatrick. I came up with that name in a dream. (More realistically it would be a Halcandran name/hat pun.) Many years of isolation has had an effect on its mental state. Also his ai is defective. It can communicate telepathically with Marx (or whoever's head it's on). It contains a pocket dimension, so it can hold Marx's stuff (treasures, trinkets, games, sword collection, etc). Most of his stuff is actually stored on the Lor. It also remembers the languages he's encountered, which is handy. It gets a bit excitable at times. Compare it with a dog that likes to see its owner happy. Marx can regenerate it too, using his own proteins to craft a new one with a combo of shape shifting and his regen, and can reopen the pocket dimension if he weaves the necessary runes on the inside. Can also alter the hat's size and shape.

He's taken a liking to Earth of many parallel universes (They have great food; they throw away an enormous amount of it so there's always something tasty to find, particularly in dumpsters behind bakeries and restaurants). Extra interesting to find realities that have the Kirby franchise. He's had a lot of practice blending in in a human shape, but if you paid close enough attention you might notice there is something not quite right about his appearance. Some people find him kind of creepy. Of course he's still wearing that hat. He also likes to wear dumb and/or random reference t-shirts. Enjoys memes and pop culture references and being confusing and weird to amuse himself. One favorite gag is to stare straight at any camera pointed at him and slowly go inverse cross eyed. He still has his powers. He tends to live around the borders between a city (for convenient access to garbage) and a decent sized forest (for running around instead of parkouring across rooftops at 3 am). Supplements his diet with a deer or feral hog every once in a while. Likes to spook people in the woods. Never lets them get a good look at him. Lets them just see eye shine from a distance or makes a weird noise out of sight(meme related noises from a phone are the funniest to use), often moves through the trees, because humans don't tend to look up very often. Takes advantage of the tendency to keep quiet about cryptid encounters to keep from getting too much attention and allows him to be more bold than he otherwise could be. Still might end up becoming a local cryptid, being the eccentric homeless dude that eats garbage and has been seen roaming the streets and country side at all hours of the night and during storms(enjoys rain and swimming); always wearing that weird hat. His sleep schedule and sleeping location are often inconsistent. Will do tricks on street corners sometimes (have fun baffling and amazing humans and getting paid for it???). He understands that as someone with super powers, alcohol and drugs (alterations to his mental state) are off limits. Has to be careful because he still has purple blood in humanoid shape. Uncomfortable around hospitals and crowds and military personnel (yeah he can fight off quite a few, but then what? They sure won't leave him alone and things will just escalate). What would the military/government even do with him if he's discovered?

The events of Milky Way Wishes was probably the result of him being bored and seeing how much power he could obtain (at least, that's what he'll tell you, but he wanted to have his power hungry nature sated). They were not the actual sun and moon. They were just huge powerful beings. They were gargantuan war automatons from opposing sides. Presumably from some other reality. In the far past they continued to fight each other, causing the planets to be in danger. The offworlder splinter group of Ancients must have had outposts somewhere there. They discovered a wish granting mechanical construct of unknown origin. They used it to stop the automatons from fighting. Getting them to form a truce, and sit deactivated on a couple of moons. Marx learned of this from ancient records. He decided on a large scale prank. He had holographic images of the automatons fighting each other made. He told Kirby of the wish granting construct. Why didn't he get the summoning powers himself? Maybe he just wanted to give Kirby trouble and underestimated just how powerful he was. Marx wished to be relieved of his gnawing hunger. To satisfy his MDE fragment. However, the matters of the MDEs are beyond Nova's capabilities. So it tried as best as it could; simply filled him with an incredible amount of energy all at once. Whoops. He loses control. Kirby, after a long battle, sends him colliding into Nova. Marx's body was becoming too much of an unstable mess, so this kills him and leaves him unable to reclaim the majority of his increased power. Now there's just a big mess of debris in the solar system. He recomposed himself into a smaller form. Magolor picked him up and yelled at him quite a bit. He's learned his lesson now. Of being careful of how much power he obtains at once. And of not underestimating Kirby.

The time after the events of Return to Dream land was rough for him. Went berserk and tried to kill Kirby. Milky Way Wishes was just some fun. At least, it was supposed to be. This was serious from the beginning. Despises Kirby now, more than just disliking him. Magolor lost his memory and lived in a different universe for a while until Marx found him and helped him get his memories back. This event was the catalyst for Marx learning how to make interdimensional portals himself. Marx was clingy and overprotective for a while afterwards.

You can ask me questions about him and Magolor. Comments? Social interaction would be nice.

**Other important stuff**:

The magic system

His origin story

Magolor info

Lor info

Ancient lore

Kirby species

Waddle Dee species

Dedede species

Cappy species

Escargoon species

Gryll species

Sword and Blade species

Ribbon species

Dark matter species

Squeak squad species

People of the sky species

Taranza species

Nightmare species

Susie species

Three mages species

Creatures of Popstar part 1

Creatures of Popstar part 2

Creatures of Pop star part 3

Creatures of Pop star part 4

Creatures of Pop star part 5

Creatures of Pop star part 6

Other blog: creatures; dreams; other stuff

Marx Multiverse

[rooklinensinker]

I'm on Concerta 27 mg and just got off my monthly appointment with the psychiatrist

Kinda embarrassing to talk about but I'll do it because you can't tell my mom 🤪

So she called me at 9:30 and of course I was asleep on top of my phone so thankfully I was able to answer. I completely forgot when the appointment was but I felt the dread that it should've happened by now so I'm glad there's no guessing anymore! Anyways, I update her on my new symptoms.

I've been MORE forgetful. To the point I even forgot where I placed a knife while cooking and freaked out because I didn't know where it was and didn't want to risk hurting myself by accidentally sitting on it or something when it was just at the corner of the table in the other room (don't ask how it got there, I don't know either). And it's happened with a lot of small things too.

I've been tired and only showered yesterday because I had been putting it off for the last week because before showering I should clean my room. And to clean my room was a tough ask. And I LIKE CLEANING. It's therapeutic and I love the smell of cleaning products but I just wasn't doing anything. I was in bed on my phone and even if I threw it away (again, very carefully. I think I mentioned that before) I would stay in bed for the same time as I would have spent on the app, just biting my nails. For 4 hours 😀✨

I had a hard time cancelling my hello fresh subscription because when I had it, I'd get too stressed to cook which means every perishable would go off but I still have a lot of their frozen stuff just packing my freezer because I haven't cooked in a while before this week. And this week was just the culmination of previous weeks I dreaded over tasks. I finally cancelled my subscription after they charged me for this week so 👍

I haven't worked. I have a deadline due on Friday and I am allowed extensions but I didn't even send the extension form yet. The most I've done this month is take care of myself which everyone is supposed to do while balancing work. EVERYDAY. I for some reason can't do both or sometimes either.

Odd one but I've been breathing manually more often. Not like faintness of breath where you don't feel like you're taking in enough oxygen. More like, sudden awareness that my breathing is wrong for some reason and I gotta fix it. And I count it so it's one second to even out my breaths but it still feels wrong so I'll stay upset for like 5 minutes out of nowhere until I forget I'm breathing again.

I remember she asked me about the future, but it's not like it's used to be. It's not like I don't think about it or that it isn't even a concept in my head anymore because I can die at any moment. I have plans for the future. Very important ones. It's the present that isn't lining up for me to get there. And starting the meds I was at the peak of my mental health. No suicidality, hope for the future, confidence in the present. And that still stands although I still get tired and overwhelmed.

And I don't really know what to do? She said I wasn't very proactive because meds aren't supposed to be the only solution, there's lifestyle changes and stuff I gotta learn to deal with my symptoms. But I have?

Meds were the last resort for me. If you were to compare me from a year ago to now, I have multiple places where I can track my routines, how much I eat, etc. It's just that I can't help sometimes my energy is low or time runs faster when I'm doing one thing. Like how cooking took me hours and I only went to bed at 5am because I had to shower because I hated the smell of fried stuff on me.

I really don't know how to feel. The first meds we tried were good at giving me energy and calmed down my head enough for me to be alert in the moment without dissociating. I could do my laundry and all these things that took weeks in one morning. But all I couldn't do was work because I'd get bored and frustrated that it wasn't happening and my fingers weren't doing the clackity clack on the keyboard and the letters were dancing. That's why I changed to Concerta which to be honest, doesn't feel any different than being unmedicated (Spoiler alert, I forgot if I took my meds some days this week. I didn't notice differences.) and the benefit I guess is that it gives me a reason to get up and eat in the morning🙂 which I can put off because I have no energy so I never take them at the same time because whenever I wake up constantly varies.

So I'm not as consistent as I used to be in the beginning, either because the excitement of "changing my life" wore out into "do I have to do all this shit every day? For 24 hours for the rest of my life? Bruh" or because I just got tired of trying and although I don't feel depressed, I just feel tired of even thinking about things anymore. And it doesn't help that I'm behind on university work and every plan in my future depends on the now and right now all I'm doing is just... Nothing much?

She advised me to get in touch with my counsellors (which I haven't seen in months) and resources she sent because she thinks they could help. I'll let you know how they work out. Other than that we decided to increase the dose because she wanted to see how it would work and I thought there's no downsides because if treatment is already taking this long might as well speed it up already.

Anyways I guess I'll have you be updated in case I don't die. And in case I do die... Skill issue I guess 👍

[victimized-martyr]

Hey there! If you’re still doing the ask thing, hm, maybe 33, 19, and 9?

(Also just gonna say you have really funny, neat headcanons!)

Aw! thanks lolol. I like makin myself laugh when coming up with kyman stuff so I'm happy to hear you like 'em too.

Anways *sigh*. I don't know the meaning of brevity ok here we goooooo

33. what is an episode/moment from the show (or a game) that you consider to have very kyman-undertones, yet NO ONE ever talks about it? (UNDERRATED KYMAN MOMENT(S))

I wouldn’t say it’s underrated, but it’s recent so it doesn’t have the attention that other moments have garnered. Help My Teenager Hates me is such a good kyman episode. Kyle takes the first shot. Cartman gets hissy about it and fights back with his words. Kyle, in demonstration of his fiery temperament, shoots unnecessary amounts of paintball bullets. Cartman has no choice to surrender... for the moment. Cause Cartman catches Kyle off guard, honing his energy on one, harsher blow. Like, that’s been their dynamic for decades! Kyman’s dynamic is expressed in a way I’d never thought could be succinct! I’m so happy with this episode.

I’m not surprised he picked up on his tears with lightning speed. Kyle’s always been in tune with Cartman’s emotions. He’s the cartman whisperer fr. Love this episode to death.

Kyle putting on concealer and Gerald covering for him like it’s a damn scandalous hickey and not a bruise. “hE’s eXpIrimEnTinG” oh my fucking god, mattrey.

“Kyle and Cartman hate each other” Why the hell they talkin like friends and engaging in friendly banter when they come across each other at the store then. Check and mate, hoes. (jk jk lol. I just love the reminder that at the end of the day, they’re still friends)

19. do Liane and Sheila (& Gerald, I guess) approve of this relationship?

hm, For Liane, it's not a matter of approval or disapproval; she's fine with Cartman dating whoever he wants. When Cartman was dating Heidi, she stood to the side with little interference. She'll do the same here. In the unlikely even that he turns to her for advice, for example, asking what Kyle meant by “setting boundaries”, Liane would take the conversation…um.. into another direction: “Boundaries?? Aw poopsikins, well, I guess you’re old enough to start understanding this sort of thing. Now, one of the first thing about consent is establishing safewords..." I think all in all, she’d be relieved that someone headstrong and stubborn like Kyle is dating Cartman. He’s starting to put the dishes away! He’s not screaming at her to be at his beck and call! She has time to look for work!

Sheila would be cautious. She trusts Kyle, and it’s not an issue of liking Cartman or not (because Cartman knows how to suck up to adults, and she’s happily had tea with him during the show), it’s more a worry that Kyle and Cartman will make good decisions in their relationship. I envision Sheila as the type of mom who takes dating very seriously, like, the mentality of “dating for marriage” kinda deal. Her extensive lectures on consequences and communication won’t do well to assuage Kyle's neurotic tendencies. That’s where Gerald comes in.

Gerald’s a dick, kay, he’s got a lot in common with Cartman and can see through his sons’ boyfriend’s bs like THAT. Above that though, he’s a family man who knows how to dish out sage advice. Gerald will set Kyle aside and encourage him to “yes, listen to Sheila, but also, don’t navigate so piously that you forget to have fun. And hey, lighten up. Don’t date Cartman to fix him. That’s not how it works, kiddo.” He can’t say for sure if they’ll last, but if Kyle really likes being with Cartman for who he is, then it's fine. Gerald speaks to Kyle from the perspective of a sadistic asshole who fell in love with a self-righteous redhead with an explosive temper– and while Kyle may not make that connection, Gerald does, and he talks accordingly. He makes a note to do what he can to help Kyle out when their relationship inevitably hits lows (yes, plural, because it’s his son. and it’s Eric T. Cartman.)

Wahh!! I went too into detail gfkjdhgkjdf but in honesty, I see it as a more complicated issue than a matter of approval or not.

9. who’s the more affection one?

Outwardly? In terms of physicality? Cartman. He’s so shameless that he’ll make out anywhere, anytime, if Kyle so much as asked. He’ll call him pet names. He’ll STILL buy those couple outfits. He’ll find any excuse to be in contact with Kyle in some capacity. He’ll make grand gestures, and those are his favorite because not only does he get attention from others, he get the coveted double whammy of humiliating AND doting on Kyle. Some might say Cartman’s affection is shallow, that he has a juvenile view of love. Arguably, the affection is there, he just doesn’t realize to what capacity. All he knows is that he finally has Kyle, so he will express himself when emotions arise. It’s very ‘spur of the moment’.

[remakethestars]

RAVENCLAW 💙🦅🤎

Headcanons.

❝Even in the blackness, light can be found. My enemy can be outsmarted.❞

— Alex Hirsch, Journal 3

This is my house, y'all; buckle up!

Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, & Slytherin. Headcanon masterlist.

The door'll let you in for witty responses.

We prop it open during exam season, when everyone's coming back from dinner, on party nights, & when no one can solve the riddle.

Questions become more difficult to answer after curfew.

Everyone waits outside & pretends not to know first night until the first-years figure it out.

Today's riddle & answer posted on the back of the door every morning; check before you leave just in case.

Sometimes you find the prefects debating over what the answer is; no one leaves the common room until someone's figured it out, so sometimes, the entirety of Ravenclaw is late to breakfast.

Again, if we absolutely can’t, we’ll prop it open.

If the door’s propped open and you remove the prop, we’ll use the guillotine on you.

Everyone has at least one hill to die on.

There's a podium by the fireplace with a record book on it of all the books in Ravenclaw's library that you can ask for help finding books from (pages flip in their own). 

If you’re in a reading slump, describe what you're looking for; we've probably got it!

If you don't like writing & highlighting in the books, it'll disappear while you have it, but everyone's free to mark in them. 

So good at reading their own messy notes and the notes their friends wrote they can read a doctor's handwriting.

And there are notes everywhere. As organized as some Raveclaws wish they could be, you can't make notebooks & journals as organized as Google Doc & Word documents. Unless, ya know … someone made a spell for that — hold on, I gotta write that down!

Professors find notes — ideas for spells & potions — on the back of homework & tests. More knowledgeable teachers will add their ideas or advice before handing it back.

Everyone leaves a copy of their favorite book with annotations before they leave seventh year. 

There's a coffee/tea cart in the common room. 

Hallways to the dorms are covered in graffiti from students long passed.

Dorms branch off based on your year. 

Girls can walk into the boy's dorms & vice versa. 

All rooms are extended for more space.

Beds are built into the wall like window seats & have bookshelves where the head and footboards should be. 

Dark blue curtains can be drawn shut if you're feeling introverted. 

Trunks go under the bed, so they're kinda high off the ground.

Cast an extension charm if you’re claustrophobic.

At the end of every year, everyone congregates in the common room, someone casts glisseo on the stairs to Ravenclaw tower, & everyone slides their trunks down (it's called "the trunk shoving").

No one gives a single sh¡t about house points.

Ravenclaw’s are always blowing something up & losing points.

Dramatic about stubbing their toe, but super casual about ending up in the hospital wing because they "wanted to test a hypothesis."

If you have a question or don't understand something, ask it loudly in the common room; someone will undoubtedly answer or direct you to another who can.

Just don't use bad grammar, or sixteen people will correct you in unison. 😅

Learn (a) new language(s) in the common room 20:00–21:00 Mon.–Fri.

Tutoring sessions are in the common room at 21:00–22:00 Mon.–Fri. Or ask for private lessons to work around your schedule.

If a particular teacher's sh¡t, we host a class in the common room after dinner.

Also, there're just classes for random stuff: art, budgeting, codes & code-breaking, cooking, dancing, darning, fencing, ice skating (in the winter months), knot tying, lock picking, makeup, Morse code, muggle martial arts, sewing…

First years are all offered a class on note taking.

A lot of us do our homework on Friday night so we don't have to worry about it all weekend, so there're no party activities tonight, but you can play a muggle board game if you want.

Karaoke on Saturday nights.

Dungeons & Dragons on Sunday nights.

D&D’s swapped out for a play once a month; screw the theater ban! (For an explanation of Hogwarts’s theater ban, see Albus Dumbledore’s notes on “The Fountain of Fair Fortune” in The Tales of Beedle the Bard.)

Morning yoga in the common room — feel free to join; we'll teach you some poses.

Ask around; whatever you're looking for — info, candy, contraband — someone probably hands it out, sells it, can get it for you, and/or can tell you where to find it.

Pass around a spell that allows them to clean themselves. Who has time for showering?

And a potion that gives them the same feeling & energy as if they slept. Who has time for sleeping?

Yes, we're building a guillotine in the common room.

Please don't utilize it in the decapitation of any living person or thing (unless it's the Snape or Umbridge)!

Our next project is a carousel. With working lights & everything.

Yes, we're building a house of cards in the common room; please don't blow on it.

Be quiet until noon on the weekends or get hexed.

Thank Merlin they teach sign language in the common room every year & everyone knows enough to get by.

Parties are highly regulated.

People volunteer to walk people back to their dorms & put up protection charms so you don't get assaulted. Those people are vetted with Veritaserum first to confirm the authenticity of their intentions.

People often get into academic debates, which can get a bit loud; just silencio them & move on.

The entrances to the dorms are hidden behind moving bookshelves.

The Ravenclaw copy of Hogwarts: A History will tell you more than you realized you needed to know; there're enough notes in the margins to make a second book, including how to enter the kitchens, how to sneak out if the castle, how to find the Room of Requirement…

They've located more secret passages & rooms in Hogwarts using spells they created than the Marauders were aware of.

First-years are told how to put extension charms on their backpacks so they're not heavy — that's a crap-ton of stairs.

There's an incredibly thick book by a armchair near the fireplace that's full of testaments of Ravenclaw's alumni. "What's one thing you wish you'd known when you started Hogwarts?" First-years are encouraged to flip through it.

And taught a low-concentration spell for levitating books while laying down so your arms don't get tired (flick wand to turn page).

Common room's extended to fit all kinds of activities (and the bookshelves).

Some third-years built an aquaponic system on top of one of the window seats; take a cucumber, if you want, or stop to look at the fish.

Again, explosions are not uncommon. (Please don’t drop any explosives in the fish tank. As water isn’t as compressible as air, this will kill the fish.)

Everyone just kinda glances over to make sure you’re okay before going back to what they were doing.

There's always a record playing.

They host a hike through the Forbidden Forest once a week, because what even are rules?

If you hear an intelligent conversation taking place, feel free to sit down & listen or jump in!

The wind whistles against the windows all year round, but they've been charmed to keep water out.

Played The Floor is Lava before it was a meme.

There's a two-way mirror on the wall above the fireplace. There's a muggle television on the other side. No one's sure whose T.V. it is, but a lady comes in in the mornings in hair curlers & watches the news.

She puts in V.H.S. tapes of Disney movies at the start of term. Hypothesis says it's for the first years & this person's a half-blood or a muggle-born.

Sometimes, people work together to solve the Friday crossword in The Daily Prophet. It's the hardest all week.

Look at each other like they're the camera in The Office when someone says something stupid.

Oh, boy, if someone's found a really good mystery book… That sh¡t’s getting magically copied & passed around. We discuss theories at meals, pass notes in class, & set up a murder board in the common room.

Actually, Ravenclaw house has solved a number of murders in its free time.

Visit my Ravenclaw YouTube playlist & Pinterest board.

DISCLAIMER ━━━ These headcanons are what I consider to be canon in my fanfictions. They may be others’s headcanons I’ve subconsciously filed away in my noggin. If one’s yours and you want it removed or credited, please send me your post and let me know.

[twicearoundthesun]

unnies helping baby dahyun deal with anxiety / stims headcanons🥺?

This got so long i’m sorry you’re about to get way more than you came for. I’m just talking about Jeong and Nayeon here because my brain is exhausted i hope you don’t mind.

They get really good at helping her with her anxiety!! They’re young, themselves, so they definitely stumbled a bit in the early days, but after some extensive research and talking with a child psych they started to find what works. Nayeon and Jeongyeon know Dahyun the best, the kids live with them and even though they live in the same building as MiSaMoHyo (just a few floors away) she’s still spending more time with 2yeon by default. A lot of her anxiety is at night, too, so they’ve spent many a restless night chasing away nightmares or being up cuddling at 4 a.m. because Dahyun is scared or overwhelmed.

Nayeon, though she’s loud and energetic, always seems to be who Dahyun will turn to first when she needs to feel safe. She’ll sing to her to calm her down. Rubs her back, gives her a relaxing warm bath if she needs it, lays down with her in bed if it can be a low energy kinda day. NY is a very caring, safe presence for her (though Nayeon doubts herself a lot with Dahyun - she was never really known for being soft or calm or gentle or all the things she somehow so naturally is when Dahyun needs her to be).

Jeongyeon is also very very good at calming Dahyun’s anxiety. I mentioned in an earlier post that Dahyun sits in her lap during the previews at the movies because theyre too loud, Jeong does a lot of stuff like that. She’s the best at anticipating/ identifying situations where Dahyun might struggle/ is getting overwhelmed and the quickest to know what to do. She never panics, will always be calm and steady for Dubs. Knows when to get her out of a situation where there’s something triggering or uncomfortable for her.

As far as stims go, she likes repetitive motion. she rocks side to side a lot or she’ll shake her hands, to name a few. She chews on her shirt sleeves or shirt collar, too, though they’re trying to redirect her towards chew fidgets for that one.

[z-1-wolfe]

Parhelion Headcanons (sir this is all for you) @greenbeany

Putting 'em under the cut because they got very long O.O

I- the gnome is Neon I take no criticism. They are often good-natured souls with a more mischievous side, and if that doesn’t describe Neon I’m not sure what does. Playful, funny, good intentions, that my good Bean is our lovable cat personified. Okay Parhelion dnd au with gnome Neon please /j.

I AM SMACKING THE GUN OUT OF YOUR HANDS [runs into a glass wall] dammit,, guess I gotta talk now

I- oh no,, time to fail the exam I guess (turns all your head canons upside down)

Okay they do sleep yes they do. Actually that’s a lie only Ciel sleeps, the other two are insomniacs. Ciel has all of her day to day life planned out to the minute, so she heads to bed at a certain time and wakes up at a certain time, the other two are more of a “we’ll sleep when we’re tired” kinda duo. Unfortunately due to Ilia’s night terrors and Neon’s ADHD they almost never rest. No they do not sleep in a SANE bed, ha why would they have a bed? They sleep in a hammock all tangled up with each other. It’s hard to tell what order they sleep in when they kinda curl into each other. They do not use a duvet, why have a duvet when Neon is a space heater? There are no pillows on the hammock X). OKAY THEIR ROOM, THIS I GOT, it’s a funky mess that is somehow organized thanks to Ciel. Ilia doesn’t own a lot in general but it was her life’s dream to paint her bedroom rainbow so guess what they have now. The other two are too soft and they supported her efforts and they love her despite her poor design sense XD.

I- why closet ASDFG I mean— No they do not share a closet they all have completely different fashion sense and if that was all in one place people would be genuinely terrified. But since they’re broke they had to make do with one walk in closet that they partitioned off into sections. YES THEY DO HAVE MATCHING OUTFITS THEY ARE SO CUTE LIKE THAT. They tend to be like those cute couple outfits with a few variations to match their own personal style. But their favorite matching outfit are these duck hoodies they own courtesy of once again Ilia living out her childhood dreams. No they don’t own many outfits because like I mentioned earlier they are broke x). Hmm thinking about each other’s styles… Ilia think both of her girlfriends have great taste, she loves the well, neon of Neon, and the prim and properness of Ciel. Neon just doesn’t care XD. And Ciel is just, she’s just standing there wishing she could help their fashion sense, but she holds back because “It does suit them in an odd way.” Ciel gets the most compliments on her style hands down, she looks organized and you can bet she saves money to buy outfits that actually accentuate her cuteness. They don’t wear makeup no time for that (in which you learn Z has little to no knowledge in how to apply makeup and doesn’t know how to answer that question)

OH OKAY I LOVE VIDDY GAMES. Ciel likes real-time strategy games because she’s insane and that’s literally all she knows in life thanks to being raised in an upper class family in Atlas. Neon likes open world games, something something she likes the chance for adventure and determining one’s fate for themself. Ilia has never once played a video game until after she defected from the White Fang but I can see her playing something light like Stardew Valley, low stakes kinda games. Hmm, they might play Animal Crossing together? Since it has aspects they all enjoy. They each have an individual switch (Ilia has a coral switch lite) and one shared PC. Okay game with most hours, maybe Minecraft? They still haven’t beat the enderdragon because Neon keeps getting distracted XD. Neon is the bomb at party games though, you can bet she has a perfect score on all the songs in Just Dance. Ciel is a sharpshooter, god knows who taught her how to shoot like that. The biggest splatoon fan is unfortunately not Neon it is Ilia, she loves all the colors in the game ^^. But she and Neon have wracked up quite a few hours in co-op.

Uhhh books!! Ilia likes fanfics :) it’s unfortunately one of the only ways for her to see positive representation of herself. Neon for some reason reads Epics?? Like her favorite is the Epic of Gilgamesh what is up with that?? Ciel reads webtoons :), she reads enough serious stuff for school work and such, she likes to just kick back and relax after all that. Yes they have schedules reading time courtesy of Ciel :). Uhh, they relax by baking together. None of them had many chances to indulge in sweets while growing up so they make full use of their time now. ?? SPOON?? Cuddle hours happen on a whim, the one thing that Ciel can never schedule because she never knows when it’ll occur. They relax the most in the kitchen x) because that’s where they bake, it’s not unusual to find Neon asleep on the counter while she waits for their sweets to rise. They read in the light, Neon is afraid that by reading in the dark that they’ll all ruin their eyesight. Ciel likes the sunrise because she’s up the earliest and is the only one to see it, the other two prefer sunset because that’s usually when their day is about to begin XD.

Favorite spot for dates! The park ^^, they like to go on picnic dates with all their baked goods. There is no plan, usually one of them will randomly pull the other two out of the house because they haven’t touched grass in a while XD. There are no ideas, they share one braincell and they spend too much time doting on each other to use it. Uhm favorite movie genre,,, they like comedy movies :). Their favorite place to eat is this tiny store on the corner of their street that makes mean gyros, they heccin’ love them. Coping with horror, Ilia is desensitized to horror because of the things she’s seen in life, Neon treats it like a game because she knows it’s not real, Ciel, is okay with it, but she gets shook more easily than the other two and they often have to reassure her. No they do not like theme parks, there are too many people around for Ilia and Ciel and Neon respects their boundaries so they tend to go to more quiet places. Uhm heights, Ciel is used to heights because she’s friends with Penny and woah can that girl toss her in the air like she’s a couple of grapes. Ilia doesn’t mind heights but she would prefer to have her feet on the ground. Neon loves the ground so damn much if it leaves her she will cry because man she can’t roller-skate in the air can she, what will she do if the ground is suddenly gone? They like evening dates because it’s normally the only time all three of them are awake enough for it XD. They end a night by sleeping I am not quite sure if there are other ways to end it lmao. They absolutely despise Neon’s roller skating dates but they love how excited she gets about them so they end up becoming as good as professional roller skaters because the smile on Neon’s face when they join her is dazzling.

I am slowly going insane. Yes each girl has a hobby I sure hope they do. Ilia knits, Ciel paints, and Neon writes. I would like to imagine that Ciel would try to schedule time for their hobbies she ends up giving up because all their sleep schedules are wack. Designated chef is Neon (probably made food for FNKI back in atlas), designated driver is Ilia (I mean I like to imagine she stole cars and stuff in the White Fang XD), designated decorator for stuff is normally Ciel though Neon does try to hijack a few of her plans occasionally, designated shopper is Ciel because the other two have no concept of Saving money, and they all work together to clean :). They don’t work together, they believe in keeping their work life and home life separate to prevent their feelings from getting in the way. They do not have pets, none of them have the energy or responsibility to do that, but Ilia did once bring a moose home one day for some reason.

I am nomming on your arm sir. Ilia and Neon get along with Penny surprisingly well, though I do think Ilia would get along with Weiss better? Ruby and Weiss look at Ciel and see a beacon arc Weiss and more or less adopt her despite Ciel being older than the two of them. They might like.. play board games together? Like some of those more team based board games I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, may the best polycule win. I cannot see them in a cuddle puddle to be honest ajcnjsanjs I am so sorry— hmm Ruby and Neon do not know the meaning of formal, as far as they are concerned these are their girlfriend’s friends and that means that by extension these are their friends. Weiss would like nothing to do with Neon after Neon insults Yang during the Vytal festival but she begrudgingly goes on outings with her and hey, now they’re make up buddies for some reason. The parhelion gals take the fs gals to the gyro place they like :). Parhelion gang Is a lot more vocal on their dates because their love language happens to be words of affirmation while the fs gang’s happen to be physical touch. Both polycules are very very affectionate though I will die on this hill.

DARN IT TUMBLR ONLY LETS ME HAVE 10 IMAGES PER POST THIS IS FINE IT WAS JUST ONE MORE PROMPT DARN IT

(Parhelion angst! How do Neon and Ciel react to the news about the dust mine? How do they find out about Ilia getting expelled? Do they find out about the white fang? Is there any faunus stigma afterwards? How does Ciel react to people bullying her Faunus GFS? Does Neon talk to Ciel much after? Do they ever reunite? Does Neon attempt to help Ciel while she grieves Penny? Where the fuck is Ciel now? Is Neon still alive? Does Ilia ever think about them? Does Blake know about them from Ilia?)

BUDDY I CAME TO THE LAST ASK AND NOW ONLY DID I REALIZE YOU MEANT PARHELION BACK WHEN THEY WHERE IN BEACON THIS WHOLE TIME I’M CRYING. (This ask is answered under the assumption that they are already dating back in Atlas Academy) Ciel is fiercely protective of her girlfriends, though people only know that Neon is a Faunus because Ilia masks her traits during her time at the academy. Neon and Ciel are horrified about the news about the dust mines. They know that Ilia is a Faunus and that her parents were working there so they rush to see her as soon as possible. But they’re too late,,, Ilia’s already been expelled for attacking her fellow students. They don’t hear from Ilia for a few years after that and the two slowly drift apart, each blaming the other for not getting to Ilia soon enough. They don’t find out about the White Fang until they reunite with Ilia unfortunately, but they feel sad that Ilia had felt that they only way for her to get revenge for her parents was by joining a militant group (I’m working under the assumption that Sienna only took control of the White Fang shortly before Ilia joined). When Neon learns that Penny didn’t make it after the Fall of Beacon she hesitantly reaches out to Ciel for the first time in a year, and she does try to help. But for Ciel it’s blow after heccin’ blow and she pushes Neon away in a rage. Ciel leaves the Academy after that and goes rogue, working as a huntsman without a license for the poorer parts of remnant. Ilia is unaware of all this drama during the Beacon arc. The next time she hears of any news is during the Fall of Atlas, and she’s scared, scared because she’s still recovering and she just heard Ruby announce to the world that Remnant is under attack, and oh my gosh her ex girlfriends live in Atlas. Neon makes it out alive, though not entirely in one piece, she now has a prosthetic leg. Ilia is the first person to see her, it’s a tearful reunion and they haven’t fully made up yet, but hey it’s a work in progress, now they just have to find out where Ciel is, but when they do they’ll BOTH be there to greet her. Blake has no idea who the fuck Ciel and Neon are lmao, Ilia never told her anything about her past romances when she was in the White Fang.

Oh gosh I think that's it-- And that is it thank you for listening to me ramble about Parhelion you get a juice box for making it this far. Sir I am sincerely sorry for turning your ship upside down please forgive me.

[robo-writes-haikyuu]

Tooru Oikawa as a Father (Tooru Oikawa x fem!reader

Request:  Hi! I'm new to the fandom and Oikawa is one of my favs. could you do a Oikawa x f. reader Where they are married and have a few kids. (Reader could even be pregnant)Just some domestic fluff like Oikawa coming home after a hard day of practice or something along those lines.. It's totally up to you.You can throw in a bit of spice if you want to. Thank You!!❤ (I honestly think he would be a great dad. Fun & protective the kinda guy who lets his daughter put clips in his hair and he would wear them even while going out and he would gossip with his daughter saying stuff like "NOO, She didn't!! 😂 sorry this is not part of the request just a random thought. And this kinda turned out long sorry about that too 👉👈)

This is the purest thing oh my god 😭 I also 100% agree that he would be a fantastic dad, because he’s pretty much a big kid himself. I hope this is kind of what you wanted! I was going to give them more kids but for some reason it didn’t turn out that way. I enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoy reading it!

Pairing: Tooru Oikawa x fem!reader 

Words: 1.3K 

Warnings: tooth-rotting domestic/parental fluff, a hint of spice at the end 

You and Oikawa decided to settle down in Argentina, where you got married and had a little girl a year later. It only made sense; you wanted to travel the world, and Oikawa could pursue his volleyball career. 

You were trying to make dinner while balancing your two-year-old daughter on your hip and your phone between your shoulder and ear. You’d been stressed out becauseOikawa had been training extensively for the next league while you were trying to keep everything afloat at home. Luckily, your job allowed you the luxury of working from home so that you didn’t have to pay for a daycare or babysitter. 

“Who’s that, honey?” You whisper excitedly to your daughter as you hear the front door open.

“I’m home.”

She babbled and widened her eyes in curiosity. You put her down and carefully placed her feet upon yours as you held her hands above her head to walk her over to the front door. 

“Da!” your little girl chirped upon seeing her father’s beaming face. 

“Hi sweetheart,” he squealed, shrugging off his duffel bag and crouching down to scoop her up. She giggled as he nuzzled his nose into her cheeks, peppering quick kisses all over her face. You smile and wrap your arms around his torso. 

“Hi love,” he whispers sweetly to you as he tilts your chin up to meet him with a kiss. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” 

You were always relieved when Tooru got home in time for dinner. Your daughter was a picky eater and he found the most creative ways to make her eat. 

“Quick,” he says frantically, swooping the cracker around in the air. “The UFO’s gonna make a crash landing!” She sits there with her mouth agape and he slips the cracker into her mouth for her to taste. She closes her mouth to register what just happened, and then slowly suckles on the cracker. 

Your heart couldn’t help but melt every time you saw the way Tooru was with your daughter. Even after an entire day of practice, he always somehow managed to muster enough energy to be fully present with her; it probably helped that he’s pretty much a big kid himself. 

She’ll garble absolute nonsense to him and he’ll respond to her as if sis is spilling the hottest tea. He’ll pretend to whisper something in her ear and she’ll erupt into a fit of giggles. She’ll try to do the same thing to him, leaning in and whispering gibberish into his ear, and he’ll let out the most animated gasp, inciting yet another round of giggles. 

You’ll be getting ready to go out and you step away from your hair products for two seconds. When you come back, all of your hairclips are missing. You walk into your bedroom to find that Tooru had all of your hairclips (specifically the sparkly pink ones) pinned all over his head, with tufts of his locks spiking out in all directions. He was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, while your daughter was on your bed pining the hairclips all over his head. They were looking in the mirror to admire his look, and he’d be trying out poses, adjusting his angles, and saying things like “the sparkles really make my eyes pop~” and “do you think mommy will think I look pretty?” You just chuckle and roll your eyes. 

That night after putting your baby down to sleep, you two snuggle in bed and watch a documentary on ancient alien civilizations. Tooru wraps his arms around your waist and tucks his nose into your hair to inhale your scent. You turn your head to face him and gently rub your hands up and down his arms with a sleepy smile on your face. 

“I’m so lucky,” he says, gently placing his lips on your neck. “I’m so happy I get to come home to you and our baby girl every day.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one,” you say as you turn around to face him. You cradle your hand around his face, tenderly stroking his cheek with your thumb. “My handsome king.” 

“Y/n-chan~!” A giddy smile sneaks onto his face and he bashfully buries his face into your shoulder. “Stop it~! You’re making me blush~!”

Even as a fully grown adult, this dork absolutely thrives off of praise. He particularly loved it when you called him your king; his ego would skyrocket every single time. So, you made sure to only use it once in a while or else it would go to his head. 

“I only speak the truth,” you giggle as you kiss his cheek. He continues to play up the act, coyly covering his face and nuzzling into your chest. You chuckle and brush your fingers through his hair, massaging small circles into his scalp. You could feel his breathing steadily relax as he let out a content sigh. 

“Am I a good dad?” he asks. 

You blink, completely taken off guard. “Where did that come from?”

“I worry I don’t spend enough time with you two,” he says, resting his chin on your chest and look up at you. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. You always seem to know how to handle everything, while I feel like I don’t do much at all.”

When you decided that you were going to try to have kids, you were worried about Tooru’s busy schedule. You remember even back in your high school days when Tooru struggled with past relationships because of his challenges with prioritizing volleyball over relationships. When you two started dating in college, however, it actually surprised you how much his view on relationships matured. He always somehow made time to see you, even when he was utterly exhausted from games and practices. Not once have you ever felt like he was neglecting you nor prioritizing work over his family.

The thing with Tooru is that, as extra as he can be, he puts effort into the little things. He didn’t have to throw a parade or have jets write your name in the sky (although you wouldn’t put it past him). It was the good morning kisses, the little ‘i miss you’ texts, and playful pinches on the butt that were the backbone of your relationship. He always reminded you that he loved you and cared about you, so you didn’t need these grand gestures. 

You thought back to when you were pregnant. He doted on you constantly. Wacky cravings, he would try to find the most creative recipes that satisfied every single craving. Morning sickness? He would get up extra early and make you hot soup to settle your stomach. Feeling fat and gross? He kissed the grooved stretch marks and loose skin  on your belly, always reminding you how breathtakingly beautiful you were to him. 

Once your little girl was born, he was an even more doting father. He knew when you were too tired to get up in the middle of the night to feed her, so he would do it. While he wasn’t exactly excited about changing diapers, he was more than willing to do his fair share of them. Oh my god, and when your daughter smiled at him for the first time? It was as if everything in his life led him for that moment, when he looked into your little girl’s eyes and saw his own glimmering right back at him. 

You press a reassuring kiss to his forehead and brush his hair out of his eyes. “I wouldn’t have had a baby with you if I didn’t think you were going to be a good dad.”

He turns his face up to you with a devilish grin, a stark contrast to what you saw earlier. 

“You know,” he says in a low voice, bringing his lips to your earlobe. “We could always make another one.”

You bite your lip, “I have no objections.”

Not my best writing but I hope you liked it 🥺

Simp with me! 💗

[vg-sanctuary]

The World Ends with You

Jupiter - DS - 2008

[screenshots from Nintendo Life, jack-reviews.com, and LPArchive; please excuse the low res, I couldn’t find better ones]

TWEWY is an RPG with modern (circa 2008) style and character designs by Tetsuya Nomura, the director of Kingdom Hearts. I meant to write about it the day its sequel NEO: TWEWY came out but missed that by a few days. anyway, I think it's reasonable to call this game the epitome of the Nintendo DS. it has every feature to be expected of any game on the wildly unique handheld: a touch-based minigame with wireless multiplayer and little bearing on the main game, a sleep mode puzzle, touch controls, forced use of both screens, and gameplay and plot designed to be enjoyed in short bursts. it's loaded with cool ideas, some of which are more than questionable, even barring the crazy DS features, hence the remakes. (savvy readers will notice I left out the iOS and Switch platforms and, while there are remakes of the game for both platforms that have extra content and a more elegant combat system, they don't hit quite like the DS original.)

I don't fancy myself an RPG fan for the most part. the usual high fantasy themes and turn based combat are boring to me. usually, if an RPG has either one I'm not interested, and this has neither of those. I decided to try TWEWY while collecting DS games, and the plot and combat had grabbed me within two hours. I haven't mentioned the awesome music and visuals, both wonderfully stylish and unique in the same way Persona's UI is stylish and unique, only this game uses the style on its game world and characters instead of menus.

the premise is the antisocial protagonist, Neku, wakes up in a killing game wherein each day has a mission that he and his partner either complete or face erasure. after a week of these missions he'll be free. I can’t tell you the massive general plot spoiler that makes the whole thing so compelling as it goes on, so this section of the post is sadly pretty short. there is an anime that goes over the main events, but it's only four hours long compared to the game's 20, character development is sometimes lacking in detail or totally inaccurate, and it generally doesn't include the hardships you would go through as a player e.g. having to try a boss five times.

almost everything about TWEWY's gameplay is intriguing, so I'll try to be concise. combat is a strange beast that comes from developer Jupiter's need to use both screens to the fullest. by the way, don't let this wall of text scare you away from the game; it introduces these mechanics much slower and it's easier to understand and use. the bottom screen is gesture-based ARPG combat where, for example, short swipes over an enemy makes Neku use a sword attack or touching somewhere on the screen makes him fire a bullet. the exact gestures and attacks are determined by what pins he's wearing. the top screen asks you to use the d-pad to attack with Neku’s partner and navigate along a tree of cards where getting the right card grants a star; enough of those allows you to use a powerful and health-restoring fusion attack. there's this green light puck that passes between characters when the one holding it does a finisher and multiplies the finisher's damage with each successful pass up to five times, but disappears if held by one character for too long. fortunately the game has an auto mode for the top screen that's roughly equivalent to mashing left or right on the d-pad so you don't have to try to split your brain between both, but you get a little more experience if that's turned off. I love the bottom screen and the idea of the top screen but could never really get my head around doing both at once. maybe the intent was to focus on the character that has the puck and leave the other standing still or spamming defense? (in NEO: TWEWY, the light puck mechanic was changed to beat drop combos, where using a different character to attack shortly after a finisher gives you some charge for a super. no attention splitting, just fun ARPG combat with an interesting combo system that can inform what pins you use.)

turning up the game's difficulty makes enemies stronger and mostly drops different pins. there aren't random encounters: you have to scan for enemies and mostly get to choose which encounters to take. you can choose to fight multiple in a row without getting health back between them and multiply your drop rate multiplier, with enemies getting stronger the more encounters you take. you get your health back when you return to the overworld, which cuts out a lot of the obligatory spending for healing items and the trouble of running out for the player. there are still some pins that can heal you during a battle, though.

leveling up, instead of arbitrarily increasing every stat, only increases your HP, but you can turn your level down to lower your HP and multiply the drop rate of pins by one for each level. other stats can be increased with clothes or food, with different foods permanently increasing different stats and have different calories. each character can only eat so much in a single real time day, which is wack but still interesting. the food system in NEO is similar except without the per-day limit, and I think it's a great idea that gives the player agency in terms of what stats they want to increase and whether they want larger or smaller boosts.

pins can evolve when leveled up enough, but may only evolve if you give them the right kind of pin points, which is like experience for pins. there's PP from battles, from the game's proto-StreetPass mingle mode (that you could only get randomly roughly every hour, from other folks in TWEWY's mingle mode, or from other DSes running any wireless software; thankfully this is removed from the remakes but it's a neat idea), and from turning off the game for up to seven real time days. if a pin reaches max level with the wrong kind of PP, you have to go get another one to evolve it, but I don't think there are any super rare pins that evolve. the game doesn't show what kind of PP you need to evolve a pin, so while it's a cool idea, there's a fair chance that you'll miss lots of evolutions and not even notice.

there are lots of rare pins that can be worn as a set to do something ridiculously powerful, but you have to go out of your way to get them, like the Darklit Planets. it's a set of seven pins that are useful alone, but if worn all together they become three times more powerful. they all drop rarely from bosses on the highest difficulty. I love wacky, mystical, obscenely powerful postgame stuff like this but can't be bothered to actually go and get it. some games give you their best weapons last, which is always a shame because there's nothing to use it on, but in TWEWY, there's a boss rush that saves your best time and lots of bosses to re-fight for their rare pins, so you'll have a reason to fight bosses until you've got every one of those rare pins.

speaking of postgame, TWEWY's is rather extensive, with a bonus day focused on the Tin Pin Slammer minigame and goofy non-canon alternate personalities plus four sort of tedious missions for every ingame day that unlock secret reports for much more lore about the Reapers' Game. (one of the missions for every day is "find and destroy the pig Noise," which mostly have puzzle-ish fights; one is killed by closing the DS and opening it again, which is the sleep mode puzzle I mentioned.) if you get them all, it unlocks a special scene in the ending, but again, I can't be bothered to do that kind of postgame. not all of it, anyway, the bonus day's missions are too tedious for me.

in Tin Pin Slammer, the minigame with almost no bearing on the main game, you use your pins to play kinda-sorta Beyblade. every pin has different stats, many of which are hidden, and different amounts of the different weapons to stun your opponents' pins with. it's a rather extensive side mode and a totally unnecessary inclusion, but really fun anyway, and can be played wirelessly with others. there are some other mechanics that are also interesting but not quite worth adding any more words to this ridiculously long post, including a brand trends system and an interesting way to limit running from fights.

even with all of these words and some pictures, I seriously can't offer a glimpse of the vibes, the combat, the music, the story, the characters, the entire energy of The World Ends with You in a blog post, and in my opinion, it's not the same without the crispy DS sprites or peculiar dual screen combat. if you like the DS, 2000s energy, or action RPGs, this is an essential addition to your library if you don't want to track down a DS copy or you prefer more elegant combat, try one of the remakes instead. you're this far into the blog post, so I'm sure you won't be disappointed. (NEO: TWEWY is very good too and has a free demo on PS4 and Switch; while not the same, it's still worth trying. it carries a modernized audiovisual energy of its predecessor, more elegant combat improvements to other TWEWY systems.)

[blazehedgehog]

Sorry to ask this, but what are your thoughts on Dunky's "I'm Done Making Good Videos" with regards to content you aspire to author vs what the average joe actually searches for

I don’t know if I’m the best person to be asking this, really.

Let’s get fully inside baseball here. Let’s pull the curtain all the way back. Actually, let’s burn down the curtain. I’m going to overshare like hell right now. Get ready for the most stream-of-consciousness rambling ever, because a lot of this has been boiling in my head and dying to get out.

For the entirety of my Youtube channel, I’ve pretty much only ever done what I want to do. Very rarely do I chase trends, or do what’s hot, or even do what people want me to do. I do whatever I feel like doing.

I have paid the price for that. My Youtube channel is 15 years old as of this year, and only now am I slowly inching towards 25,000 subscribers. I am incredibly inconsistent. What’s my channel post? Well, a couple times a year, maybe I put together an edited essay/review for a game. But I also sometimes post random, unedited, uncommentated gameplay footage. Maybe it’s a fan game, maybe it’s a gameplay demo, maybe it’s Fortnite. Sometimes, I also post remastered video game music. Every Halloween, I dump a bunch of one-off horror Let’s Plays on to my channel. And then, there’s the podcast.

I know exactly what my problems are. I don’t specialize enough, and I don’t put content out fast enough. Because most Youtube channels are, like, “shows”, right. The Did You Know Gaming show. The Markiplier show. The Angry Video Game Nerd show. And you can point at those and say exactly what they are in two sentences or less.

Did You Know Gaming specializes in informative videos uncovering obscure facts you might not know about popular video games.

Markiplier is a Youtuber that does Let’s Play videos for video games, primarily horror games, but he also focuses on general comedy skits and things of that nature.

The Angry Video Game Nerd is about one guy’s over the top reactions to bad video games.

What does BlazeHedgehog do? Well, he does a lot of Sonic fan content, but sometimes he does horror let’s plays, and sometimes he does multiplayer compilation videos sort of like Criken, but he also does music, and sometimes he makes video games and puts out videos of that, and in general he’s really low energy and sometimes there will be three or four weeks between uploads. Also he sounds like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds Snot from Family Guy (apparently).

If you come to my channel for something specific, you have to put up with everything else I upload. I could start separate channels for that content, but the barrier to entry on Youtube is so massive now that I would effectively sending those channels to their death. Videos that get 200-500 views on my main channel would get 10 views or less if they were on their own self-contained alt-channel.

So I languish. I struggle. I suffer. Youtube shows me red down arrows to tell me just how much worse I’m doing now than my last flash-in-the-pan success.

I’ve tried to chase success. It just makes me sad. I have a sense of humor, but I don’t think I can make “funny videos” like some people can. My Sonic 06 glitch video did gangbusters ten years ago, but I don’t often like kicking games when they’re down. It was a struggle to make that Sonic Boom glitch montage and that’s the reason I never followed through with Part 2 like I said I would.

My only wish is that people appreciate honesty. My Youtube channel might be a scattered mess, but that’s who I am. And more than anything, I think that’s what Dunkey’s video was about. His whole joke was about switching from thoughtful or funny videos to becoming a content farm for whatever is currently popular.

I’ve brought it up a few times here and there over the last few months, but I’ve had several brushes with the Fortnite side of Youtube recently. And there are so many dudes over there who are what I would generously call “grifters.” I follow Hypex on Twitter and routinely check Firemonkey and ShiinaBR because they datamine future Fortnite updates and often have the scoop days, weeks or sometimes months in advance.

Near the end of season 3, all three of them mentioned they had datamined “the next season” but wouldn’t say what it was because they didn’t want to spoil what was coming (the marvel season). They mentioned there were “others out there” that were spoiling things, but wouldn’t say who. I wanted to spoil myself, so I turned to Youtube.

And Youtube was a nightmare. Over and over and over, I would encounter tons of people downright thriving on the same grift. It’s an open secret that Youtube prioritizes longer videos, so if your video is under ten minutes (or I think now 8 minutes), the algorithm isn’t going to be as nice to you and won’t promote your video as well, and you aren’t going to get as much advertising money because fewer people are going to sit through a video advertisement that’s a quarter of your video’s entire length. Longer videos are more profitable for Youtube, and by extension, for the user uploading them.

So it was video after video of these guys making big bold claims about how they had all the answers on what the next season of Fortnite was, and you’re thinking, “oh wow, it’s a 17 minute video, they’re going to spoil everything!”

You load the video up and it’s some guy in his streamer man cave, he’s got his webcam on, and he loads in to a match of Fortnite with his squad. Keep in mind, this video was pitched as a news report of sorts, a big spoiling of future content... and it’s just a guy playing Fortnite with a crew. In the few seconds between matches as he queues for the next one, he stops to deliver a single shred of information, most of which start with “Hypex said...”

The one thing you came to this video for and it’s scattered like breadcrumbs across a 17 minute video of a guy just playing normal matches Fortnite to fill time. It’s not information they acquired for themselves, they all just regurgitate what Hypex said, or what other channels reported Hypex saying. 17 minutes of padding for scraps of second-hand leaks. And I found dozens of these channels, all repeating the same format, all repeating the same specks of leaked information, and all of them had 150,000 to 200,000 views on each of their videos in less than 24 hours. That’s hundreds of dollars per video on a format to scam the system.

But that’s a content farm. Those dudes are vultures. I have a hard time believing their hearts are really in it. I know it’s not a term that’s really in vogue anymore, but I see that as “selling out.” They know what they are doing and it’s to make money, not to make a community better. I mean, one of those videos was a guy who was reading Marvel comic hero profiles off of Wikipedia because it sounded like he literally did not know who guys like Iron Man, Thor and Wolverine even were. How are you in touch enough with pop culture that you’re cranking out factory-fresh Fortnite content for Youtube but you don’t know who Thor is? Answer: because you don’t really care and you’re in it for the money. Gotta hit that 15 minute threshold and put in six mid-roll ad breaks.

I could be that guy. That’s kind of what I was hoping “This Kinda Sucks” would turn in to, which would be sort of a rant video series like The Jimquisition or something. But I did not have the interest or energy to keep that up. So you get a playlist with two videos on it.

I’m sure Dunkey was just funnin’ around. Dude has 6 million subscribers. But for me, like... what he said in the video is mostly true. Following your heart and making thoughtful content you are personally interested in won’t pay the bills. I mean, as I predicted, that Jurassic Park video launched to the sound of crickets chirping. My most hardcore fans and a few curious onlookers checked it out but that was it. I’ve been working on that video since August, and it’s something my viewer base did not care about. But I cared about it, and that’s important for the long-run, I think.

The other problem, sort of a disconnect, is that I’m lucky to be in the position I’m in. I think guys like Dunkey probably make all of their money from places like Youtube and Twitch and Patreon and that’s their career. That work pays all of their bills.

My work does not pay my bills. Or it does, but it’s not enough to pay all of my bills. I am lucky enough right now that I am in a living situation where I can make fractions of money in intermittent spurts. That won’t always be the case. But for now, I get to be honest, and I get to follow my heart in whatever random, chaotic direction it feels like going that particular day. Dunkey faces a different sort of pressure than I do.

All of this is to say I have no idea what I’m doing, I guess. I make the content I want to see.

That being said, I increasingly think about something I heard Woolie say early on when he went solo for his WoolieVS channel, and that was the idea of “One for you, one for me, one for us.”

Because I’ve had more than one friend burn out doing, like, Twitch streams and stuff. You hear about Youtubers who get sick of being shackled to new releases or whatever’s popular. At some point these people wake up and realize they’ve had this struggle, maybe made some money in the process, but they’re miserable because they don’t get to do what they want to do. They’re always being pushed forward by the fans that are behind them.

The “One for you, one for me, one for us” mantra does at least keep you a little more sane. Balance in all things, right? So that Jurassic Park video, it can flop. It’d be nice if it didn’t flop, given what time of the year it is, but it’s a video for me. I have other video ideas in the chamber that I know will be for my audience, or “for us.”

I just have to stay true to myself, and to my messy brain.

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: July 2020

……….FILM……….

Palm Springs (2020) I feel like there was a big marketing push for this movie at the start of the month and it totally worked. All the good buzz and fun artwork I saw relating to this was perfect and it was a fun time at the movies...at home.

Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) It’s been yeeeeears since I last watched this and it turns out I remembered next to nothing. The worldbuilding was fantastic and while I still can’t piece together how the aging/curse on Sophie, it just feels that much more magical. Absolutely going to pick up the book to see if I can get a more in-depth narrative.

……….TELEVISION……….

What We Do In The Shadows (Episode 2.01 to 2.04) Hot dang this is continues to be a great series! I really hope Nadja’s doll sticks around for the whole season (or the rest of time) and it’s all just so fun!

Mad Men (Episode 4.07 to 4.11) Knowing there are 7 seasons really makes me feel like we’re in the middle of act 2. Things are getting real low for Don and I’m still baffled at the idea that anyone sees him as a role model/inspiration. It’s feeling bleak and I hope season 5 starts to point upwards again (not for Don but for everyone else).

Dear White People (Episode 1.01 to 2.10) So good! I don’t want to give too much away but what’s started out as a drama/comedy seems to be evolving into something else and I ready for it! I hope season 3 and 4 expand on what I hope it’s building.

……….READING……….

Forever and a Day by Anthony Hororwitz (Complete) A really fun Bond prequel and I think this is going to start me off on reading the original Fleming novels! Filled with all the best tropes from the movies (and maybe the books? Time will tell) and it was such a light and fun read. It was the perfect birthday gift as I needed a beach read.

Dracula by Bram Stoker (Complete) The pacing of this book is a good example of why I tend to prefer modern takes instead of the classics themselves. I appreciate what this book contributed to our collective consciousness, but the back drastically reduces the amount of vampire content in favour of Mina’s deteriorating health, the hunting party discussing their plans, and recounting an extensive travelogue. 

The Haunted Mansion: Imagineering a Classic by Jason Surrell (Complete) I’ve always loved this ride so I was hoping to learn more about what’s happening with each illusion and effect. While I got sooooome of that, they clearly held back a bunch of secrets and I suppose I understand why. With that said, the history of the original ride’s development was super interesting! Same goes for how the attraction has evolved over the years and when moving to other parks.

Delicious In Dungeon Vol. 8 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) Everything about this series, from the world to the characters, strikes a perfect balance (for me) between familiar and new. The monsters are typically based off of well-established mythology, but there’s usually enough of a twist that it feels more unique to this world. It’s excellent. And the same goes for the characters; at first glance they may look like simple tropes but the series consistently breaks them down or adds depth to inform why a character acts a certain way. Please go read this series.

Fun With Milk and Cheese by Evan Dorkin (Complete) This has the sort of confidence and frantic energy that it could only come out of the late nineties. Some of the stories work better than others, but I think that’s just my own taste.

Dragonball 3-in-1 Volume 1 by Akira Toriyama (Complete) Decided to return and reread this series and I always forget how jarring some of the early stuff is (mostly around gender and Bulma)...I know it’s likely cultural or a product of being over 30 years old, so I won’t fault it too much.

The Perry Bible Fellowship Almanack by Nicholas Gurwitch (Complete) It’d been years since I’d read through most (if not all) of the PBF comics and I appreciate the variety of style even more now. Despite each comic being illustrated in a way that suits the narrative/joke/premise, it all still feels cohesive. It’s something I need to remind myself as I question if any of my own work is unified by anything. Also the insight into the abandoned and forgotten comics at the back of the book were so interesting to read! I love seeing how other creatives think.

The Mushroom Fan Club by Elise Gravel (Complete) Very cute all-ages introduction to mushrooms! Illustrations are so fun and personable and it really encourages outdoor adventuring and wandering around in the woods (safely), so that gets an A+ from me.

Death Wins a Goldfish by Brian Rea (Complete) A wonderfully charming book about Death on vacation. The art is breezy and the light text was surprisingly funny. It was a good reminder to kinda just take a break and recharge, you know?

……….AUDIO……….

Cuz I Love You by Lizzo (2019) After hearing Juice on a friend’s birthday playlist, I couldn’t NOT check this album out. It took me about three listens to really get into and it’s all great.

Bastionland Podcast - Tabletop Roleplaying Game Design (Podcast) If you’re interested in what goes on behind the curtain of game design (specifically tabletop role-playing games, but I think the principles and takeaways are fairly universal) then check this out.

……….GAMING……….

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The party has recovered a Mermaid’s prize coat and have a few other goals on the go, but most pressing is the weapon (an umbrella) of a Lich that they need to destroy in the lava flow of Neverland’s mountains (very Lord of the Rings). Also I’ve been doing more detailed write-ups on Reddit, if you’re into that sort of thing.

D&D Homebrew Adventure (Menace of Merlin) The group spent a session saying farewell to their undead minion (a yeti named Norm); role-playing games are fun.

And that’s it! As always, please feel free to send any recommendations my way and happy Friday!

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 15: Thoughts on Fandom

Not feeling too well this evening but hopefully a good night's sleep will make me feel better and tomorrow will be low key and chill. And my hot water will be fixed successfully.

I was thinking today about how I've felt for a long time that I'm 'between fandoms' even though technically, literally, I'm not. I continue to write and read for The 100 but I don't entirely feel like I'm in the fandom. Sometimes I think I should just leave officially, but then I think--but to go where? And "Star Trek" seems both an obvious and an incorrect answer. It's like I'm not truly invested anywhere, but in a sort of limbo-like space.

Anyway, so I broke it down like this.

I want 3 three things from "fandom," broadly speaking:

1. To engage with media that I really love.

Examples: waiting for new installments (for ongoing media); rewatching or rereading; obsessing over how great the characters or stories are, dissecting plot lines and themes.

2. To engage with a fan community that also loves the media I love.

Examples: reading fanfiction; reading meta; engaging in online discussions; reading other people's excited posts; following blogs relating to the media in question; reblogging gifsets/graphics/fan art

3. To engage creatively with the source material through transformative works.

Example: writing fanfiction.

Ideally, I'd have one piece of media that fulfills all of these purposes. That was T100 for me for a while. But then I stopped watching the show in late S4, and got farther and farther away from the 'current' fandom. And then the show ended, and on such a sour note, so that the fandom itself, the fan community, started changing. And at the same time, I started getting seriously back into Star Trek again.

So now I'm in this place, where I'm still at least kind of engaged in all three aspects of the fandom experience, but not in a unified way.

Star Trek is fulfilling the first purpose of fandom for me, right now. I'm loving rewatching TOS, and the AOS movies too, and I just have a lot of Emotions about the characters and universe. It's that good kinda excitement that a show (or book or movie or whatever) that you really love always gives. Like--ahh!!! I cannot feel anything else but just happiness because I love this so much!

BUT I'm not engaging with ST in either the second or third sense of fandom. I follow a couple ST blogs but there aren't many truly active TOS/AOS centric blogs out there right now. I don't read any ST fanfic because, well, first of all I never really did, and second, I'm far enough behind on my T100 fic! And I have rl people like my mom and B to talk about it with, but not really anyone on tumblr or wherever who's into it like I am.

And though I've vaguely plotted and poked at some fic ideas, I haven't done any real ST writing in a long time--again because I have ideas for T100 that I need/want to get to first, and I'm not writing so much anyway now in general.

On the other hand, T100 is definitely NOT fulfilling function (1) for me and hasn't in a long time. When I stopped watching the show, I still engaged with the canon a little. I watched other people get excited or debate or discuss. I noticed the patterns of fandom as the show went into and out of hiatus. Plus, I still enjoyed the early seasons and liked early-canon and canon-divergent fics (reading and planning/writing). But even that is largely fading for me. I've been trying to rewatch the show but it's not really doing anything for me... I have a hard time getting into it. The canon-divergent fics I'm writing for the collab are not interesting me in the least, either.

I realized today that most of my fic ideas, or at least most of the fic ideas I really care about in any way, are so far removed from the canon they might as well be original fiction with some familiar names thrown in. The one exception is the Ark AU, but everything else is some form of extreme AU, modern or otherwise. I don't even know that the characters make me feel much of anything anymore. I've been toying with how to explain this for a while but... I feel like both for me personally and the fandom as I perceive it, the characters are more like a shared vocabulary, rather than actual characters from a source material we all love. I think this is partially because the fandom is old enough now to have some very long standing shared headcanons, and either small enough or bifurcated enough for fanwork creators to influence each other more than the canon influences them, and partly because the show ending on a sour note for most viewers has left the people who remain in the fandom with a sense that these characters are OURS and that the value of them is in how we collectively decide to use them now, rather than in how they are tied to the universally derided source material.

I'm not saying any of this is BAD, I'm just saying, that's how it is now, from my perspective.

I'm sort of engaging with the fan community (2) through T100, but... it's a little weird. I have people I legitimately like and enjoy talking to on tumblr who I know through T100 and of course there are events like Troped that I really love. I have a ton of cool fic bookmarked too and I'm getting back into reading it. But my dash has a lot less T100 content than it used to and sometimes I'll find myself j-ing very fast through it because I'm just not in the mood. I know a lot of people are either semi-disengaging, like I am, or wholesale moving on to other things. So it's like... the community straggles on, but it's uncertain at best.

And as far as engaging creatively (3)--to the extent that I write or plan fic it's almost all T100. But I haven't... I haven't been finding it easy to write. In general. This is a little hard to explain but.. when I think "I need to leave T100 fandom and really force myself to go somewhere else" it's usually because I feel like I'm not really getting what I need creatively out of the fandom. I like a lot of my wips and unstarted ideas, in theory at least, but the closer I look at some of them the more... herculean the task of actually writing them starts to seem. And tbh I rarely just... tell myself little stories about these characters or within these potential-fic scenarios. Like in all my idle, free thought time--when I'm washing dishes or taking a walk or a shower or going to sleep, when I want to think about something nice and fictional and not let the worries in... when I'm really engaged with a fandom, I'll imagine little scenes and tell myself little stories during these times. Sometimes they're scenes I want to eventually make into or include in a fic. Other times they're not. But they're still an extension of my creative life.

And I haven't really done that for T100 in a while. Sometimes I imagine Star Trek scenarios. Sometimes I retreat into highly silly comfort scenarios with original characters. But I only think about T100 when I specifically need to brainstorm for a fic. And that makes the fic feel more like work. And that makes me want to do it less.

So... I'm not sure what that will mean for me getting back into my projects when I finally (FINALLY) finish the last of my obligations. Maybe when I feel like I can actually make progress on old wips or ideas I care about, I'll get more invested in them. I was pretty damn invested in Mountain Lion Mean and that wasn't that long ago, so it is still possible. But overall, T100 definitely doesn't have, and probably never will have again, a total monopoly on my brain the way it did c.2016.

Which is fine. Like... it's more than fine. I've been here a while. What I'm trying to articulate to myself with all this is that the dissatisfaction I feel with my fandom life is probably stemming from the lack of one, coherent obsession. I have stuff to read, stuff to write, stuff to think about, stuff to talk about, and even a small fandom community of people I like--so what's the problem, right?? It's because it's not all coming from the same piece of media and that's not as clear and coherent and nice for me.

Plus, it makes writing more difficult when I do want to write these particular ideas, but I'm only motivated by own desire to see the ideas realized, not my genuine love for the characters and the material from which they derive. There's a certain energy that fannish activity has... but T100 fic barely feels like a fannish activity to me rn. Just another type of work. It's a work I'm invested in...but I just so often don't have it in me to WORK at all, is the thing.

So that's the biggest annoyance about it. I haven't really experienced this before so even though this situation has been forming for a while, I still don't really know what to do with it.

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Somewhere Only We Know

Main Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Since joining the Avengers you can’t seem to get any alone time with Bucky. You take matters into your own hands and find a creative solution to get the handsome super soldier back in your arms.

Warnings/ Content: Referenced sex. It’s all off screen and nothing is blatantly stated. 

Dialogue prompt: “Pleeeeaaase, can we just step away for a little bit? I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” 

Word Count: 1.5k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! This is my little entry for Lani’s 3rd Mysterious Writing Challenge for the oh-so-talented @propertyofpoeandbucky. She’s amazing ya’ll. If you haven’t read anything by her yet I *highly* recommend you go take a look at her stuff. I hope you enjoy this Lani!! Thank you for hosting such a fun challenge :) 

Somewhere Only We Know

(title from the song by Keane)

It wasn’t often you had time alone with Bucky. If it was up to the universe, you’d have none at all. Since joining the Avengers you found yourself constantly surrounded by various members of the eclectic group. Whether you were on missions or just lounging around the tower on your day off, there was always someone, most times multiple someones, around. It was like living in a college dorm all over again, and that was not an experience you were happy to repeat. Especially while you were trying to flirt with a certain centenarian ex-assassin. 

You’d had one blissful week together when Bucky came to recruit you. He’d found you in a crappy motel outside Philadelphia, hiding out after your powers had manifested on live TV in an almost horrific incident at a NFL game. A bomb had gone off during half time and you managed to get a protective force field around it in time for the bomb to implode inside the bubble without harming anyone. Of course, a girl with purple energy flowing around her who was able to save thousands of lives garnered a lot of attention from both the good guys and the bad ones. You had been on the run for two weeks when Bucky finally caught up with you. 

You were his first recruitment mission and he was determined to bring you in to join the team. You weren’t certain about being an Avenger but you were sure about getting him in bed. The super soldier’s thighs gave you a brand new appreciation of the word thicc. You’d spent the next six days enjoying each other’s company until Steve showed up, thinking he could help Bucky convince you to come back with them. You had never seen someone blush so hard their ears turned red. Steve was blessedly oblivious and you returned with them the next day.

After you returned to the tower with the guys your life had been a blur of training and practice. Bucky and you both agreed to keep what had happened to yourselves, not wanting it to potentially impact your ability to join the Avengers. You sparred with Nat, learned marksmanship from Clint, practiced controlling your powers with Wanda, jogged with Steve and Sam, and picked up a little basic first aid from Bruce. You knew it was important to be learning all that you could, to get yourself ready for the inevitable first mission, but you still missed Bucky. You’d barely get ten minutes alone with him at a time, never quite enough to make good use of it. 

It was a month into your training when you’d hit your limit. Bucky was too shy to slip off to your room at night, he was still sharing an apartment with Steve and his absence would be obvious. You started looking for out of the way places you might be able to slip off to unnoticed together. There were a few regular times that your day intersected with Bucky’s so you strategized when you would be able to make your move. You just hoped Bucky was still interested. Though the way he’d had to excuse himself last week when your shirt rode up while sparring with Nat seemed to indicate he was. 

You were cleaning up the kitchen after lunch, packing away the last of the leftovers, when Bucky walked into the room. He was still sweaty from his workout and the sight of his grey joggers riding low on his hips made your mouth go dry. It was now or never. “Hey Buck.” you greeted him with a welcoming smile. 

“Hey, Y/N. Are there any sandwiches left?” he asked while refilling his water bottle from the tap on the fridge.

“There are, or I could go show you the new wing of the bionics lab they’re building.” 

“What? I thought they’d stopped construction on that until Spring?”

“They did. But you see, it’s all the way up on the twenty second floor and no one ever goes up there.”

“Then why would we… oh.” Bucky’s eyes widened as he realized what you were implying. 

“Oh.” you echoed, nodding your head. “So what are you more hungry for, Barnes? The sandwich, or me?” 

Bucky blinked a moment at your blatant proposition before his brain got on board and you raced to the elevators. 

It became a habit, meeting up in the abandoned construction of what would eventually be an extension of Stark’s bionics lab. It was always frantic, heated, and absolutely amazing. You were dreading Spring’s arrival when you’d lose your hideaway. Hopefully by then your relationship would be able to be public. 

After an agonizingly long mission away, Bucky returned to the tower, tac gear covered in grime and still reeking of smoke. The second you locked eyes on him, you desperately wanted to get him alone. You wanted to help ease the tension in his shoulders and sadness in his eyes, take his mind off of whatever he had endured for a little while. 

Everyone was gathered in the common room while Tony gave a mission report to the rest of the team. It wasn’t ideal but you were undeterred. 

“Hey.” you whispered quietly to Bucky, knowing his super soldier hearing would pick up your words.

“Hiya, doll.” he answered, making sure his voice was just loud enough for you, and you alone, to hear.

“Wanna go up to our spot? They’ll never miss us.” 

“We should hang around ‘til Stark is done.” he whispered with a frown.

“Pleeeeaaase, can we just step away for a little bit? I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” you begged, “We’ll be quick, they won’t even notice we’re gone.” 

Bucky sighed and you could tell he was relenting. 

You were exiting the elevators, ready to slip back into the common room unnoticed barely twenty minutes later. Tony’s debrief meetings were usually an hour, so you should have still had plenty of time. Bucky went first, phantom silent as he slid back to his place along the back wall of the room. You waited a heart beat before making your way back to your spot next to him. It should have been perfect, you had practiced your stealth moves with Nat and were getting pretty damn good. Unfortunately your best laid plans were all taken down by a chip. 

Clint had helped himself to a bag of potato chips from the snack bowl and he crunched into one loudly right as you appeared in the doorway. Everyone’s eyes snapped over to the source of the sound and saw your attempted sneaking in the background. It might not have been too suspicious if it weren’t for the smudge of soot on your neck and your deer in the headlights expression. The fact that you’d buttoned two of your blouse buttons wrong in your hurry was just icing on the cake. Bucky’s eyes widened in silent panic as he realized you were busted and he stayed frozen in place as you laughed nervously, eyes scanning the shocked expressions of your team mates. 

Finally, Tony cleared his throat. “Wow. Robo Cop and our own little Glow Worm.” he shook his head in amused disbelief, “Good job, Glow Worm. Robo Cop, don’t make me give you the shovel talk, capiche? Now, let’s get back to work.” 

Everyone else was too stunned to comment so you just slunk back to your spot next to Bucky. “So much for discrete.” you whispered with an apologetic smile. 

“It was inevitable.” he shrugged.

“At least we won’t have to sneak upstairs to fool around now.” 

“I don’t know, doll. I kinda like having somewhere only we know.” 

“Love birds!” Tony shouted, startling you both. “Do you want to pay attention to the class, or do you want to go back upstairs and keep defiling my almost-lab?” 

The two of you cringed in unison. 

“So much for that.” you chuckle quietly, nudging Bucky in the ribs. “Sorry Tony!” you shout back.

“Wait? What!? Were you really? I was just taking a stab in the dark there. Oh god, my new lab! FRIDAY, get a hazmat crew up to the twenty second floor, stat! And you two. Ohhh you, two. Please, I beg of you. Go make use of one of the many beds we have here at Avengers Tower, preferably your own.” 

Bucky blushed fiercely, his ears adorably on fire.

“I don’t want to see either one of you until noon tomorrow at the earliest. Go on now, shoo.” Tony waved his hands at you dismissively. 

“The boss said so.” you shrugged at Bucky with a flirty smile. 

Bucky grinned wolfishly at you, “Orders are orders.” he said before scooping you up in his arms. 

You let out a little squeak as Bucky carried you off and you could hear Tony resuming his debriefing in the distance. It wasn’t the most ideal way for the team to find out, but somehow you couldn’t seem to mind at all. 

[soysaucevictim]

Rest of the final week of current program & starting some new stuff.

-

Mar. 13

I woke up after 1PM.

Did some dishes before doing today’s workout.

First, today’s DD. 2′ chest squeeze with EC. I forget if I’ve had to do his one for a whole 2′, but oof. That took some digging in, especially in the las ~30″ of it. Got to trembling from fatigue and occasionally paced a bit as distraction. But mission accomplished, there.

Last, Chapter 58 of AoP. First section was traveling, 24TP. Done at Level 2, as high knees, and in one go. Was a bit of a challenge loading things that way. But manageable.

Workout proper was done at Level 3 (7 sets, 20 push-ups per set.) I definitely savored the 2′ rest time. Had a brief bit of doubt whether I could maintain Level 3, but happy I managed. Admittedly push-ups weren’t very refined and counted holds a bit fast. No less a challenge.

Picked up some iced coffee and spent time updating some logs/archives. Keep falling behind on that tool, keep recognizing this as a sign things Are Not Going Well. But anyways...

I did make another Hello Fresh meal, today. Southwest plant-based protein over rice. A pretty tasty recipe. I think I’m getting a bit of a hang of handling this plant-based protein stuff, in cooking.

Spent rest of day on the usual stuff.

Got to bed around the same time as yesterday, in the red zone.

-

Mar. 14

I woke up around 11AM.

Did a bit of the usual before starting on my exercise...

First, today’s DD. 40 push kicks with EC (20/20). A fun little exercise, nothing too flashy.

(After an interlude of distractions...)

Last, Chapter 59 of AoP. Looks like yesterday, I traveled to the wrong camp location - so I made the first thing I did for the chapter was traveling the 25TP from where I was and where I needed to be. Level 2, as high knees. I split this into 15+10.

Did the workout proper at Level 3 (5 sets, 4 push-ups per defined combos). I went for max rest.Push-ups got a bit sloppy and I did get to feeling it.. But it wa ultimately manageable work!

After hitting the showers and sketching a future art project idea, I spent the rest of night on the usual.

I got to bed a little earlier than yesterday, still in the red zone.

-

Mar. 15

I woke up around 10AM

Did a bit of the usual before getting to a psychiatrist appointment. Went okay, aired out a thing and was met with understanding/receptivity. I still think my meds are staining a bit - but hopefully getting back to one-on-one therapy will help.

After getting home, doing some fic reading, and whatnot, got in my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 3′ overhead punches with EC. I counted 382 punches thrown in the duration, happy I managed to stay over 2/sec at that. Very enjoyable exercise.

Last, Chapter 60 of the Age of Pandora Program. Like last time, I went for Morse’s Plan, figured that’d be a fun thing to test against my previous run of the program.

Lotta basic burpees and squats, but unlike last time I managed Level 3 instead of 2 (7 instead of 5 sets). It was still pretty intense, but not quite as brutal as it was for me a year into this journey, yay for progress (definitely dig what a difference going at this stuff has made in the last 5 years...)! \o/

I then made today’s Hello Fresh meal. Pasta primavera in lemon Parmesan sauce. I thought this was pretty tasty.

Spent rest of night on the usual stuff.

I got to bed obscenely late, in the red zone.

-

Mar. 16

I woke up around noon.

Spent a few hours on: getting iced coffee, doing dishes, breaking down some boxes, and organizing some cookware that I recently decided on ordering.

After that and some of the usual peppered in, did exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 plank rotations with EC. Manageable - took a bit of focus to maintain balance for all of it. Did get a little bit of fatigued, but doable.

Second, Day 1 of the Square One Program. This is a Level 1 Program - so I’m treating it as gentle strength-training and warm-up for the next part of docket. The load was light enough that I modded UP (not using a chair assist) exercises, did things at Level 3, and nixed the rest periods. We’ll see how well I may maintain this - but don’t anticipate issues there.

Last, Day 1 of the Reboot Program. Level 2 Program (cardio-centric), definitely a good deal more intensive than prior for it, considering this the meat of my exercise plan. Did this at Level 3 again, but kept to max rest (did all the hidden burpees, a tiny bit tough on the knees today.)

Spent rest of night on the usual, clothes shopping, and jotting down some more iZ!AU notes.

I got to bed a few hours earlier than yesterday, but still in the red.

-

Mar. 17

I woke up around 11AM.

Went to Seeking Safety Group again, today. Twas alright made some writing notes while teir. Thought about whether I could have the time afterwards to run out to a convenience store while I waited on pick-up - but didn’t do that.

Once I got back home, I got going on my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 50 back leg raises with EC (25/25). Did things as a balance variation. It was nice given how crampy my right hamstrings/glutes were feeling for some unknown reason.

Second, Day 2 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest. Arm work, i kept my arms up for all of the sets and in between them. Got a bit more intensive in the last couple levels.

(After a bit of recovery time, given there was more arm work ahead...)

Last, Day 2 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Yeah a lot of bicep extensions / arm raise hold times. Definitely a more intensive load that SOP. Arms got nice and tired.

Spent rest of the day on the usual stuff.

Got to bed later than yesterday.

-

Mar. 18

I woke up around noon and one of the first things I took care of was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 100 shoulder taps with Ec (standing). Manageable work, a bit tough in the last 30 reps or so.

Second, Day 3 of the SOP. Flexibility day, Level 3, no rest again. The Achilles/calf stretches were satisfying. Pretty breezy and good warmup.

Last, Day 3 of the RbP. Leg day, Level 3. I rested ~1′ in between sets, this time. Kinda glad for the short/small lunge intervals here. I feel like I need to give the knees some TLC again here soon...

Spent several hours on the usual stuff (reminisced about some old fandom stuff). Did a bit more writing before getting to bed too.

I got to bed obscenely late, in the red zone

-

Mar. 19

I woke up around noon.

After some YouTube, I got going on my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 10 archer push-ups, no EC. I wasn’t confident enough to do this type of push-up off the knees today - so modded things down that way. Yeah. Not a huge fan of these

Second, Day 4 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest, no assists. Enjoyable and gentle balance work, is what I got from it.

Last, Day 4 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Ooof. got to sweating buckets and winded - but done! I’m kinda surprised at how this Level 2 program isn’t as much of a cakewalk as it may seem. the hidden push-ups also helped make things that much more intense. (But I’m still in good enough condition to meet the challenge and I still think the rating is appropriate!)

After a bit of chatting, I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Oven-ready chili coconut curry chicken. A pretty low-effort meal, which I appreciated. That said - I may have to throw it in oven longer than specified next time around (i think I may’ve used a bit too much foil to cover the tins - might’ve drawn more heat away from the food like the chicken.) Otherwise pretty enjoyable.

After some dishes and chatting, got some substantive writing progress in (letting FocusMe do it’s job for me more effectively, helped).

I got to bed obscenely late, in the red zone... again.

-

Summary of Experience:

I completed my second run through the Age of Pandora Program in March 15. Quite a few days later than intended... but February/March has really been kicking my ass in terms of stress and energy levels.

At any rate, these are my stats from this run of the program:

Points Traveled: 1,428TP, Level 2, as high knees. (1 point = 10 steps.)

Challenge Levels Taken:

Level 3 for 45 Days (vs 19 from prior record!) - Feels pretty good hitting Level 3 for most of it, this time! \o/

Level 2 for 3 Days (vs 29 from prior record)

Level 1 for 1 Day (vs 1 from prior record) - Chapter 55 still kicked my ass, needed to break after Set 2... again. orz

Jobs Taken: 17 (5 Canis + 12 Misc/Ch.) - Looks like I did considerably less than last time.

Fights Won (Pits): 4 (City Pits) - Not counting instances for plot. It was fun doing more of these, this time around! Probably overdid it a little bit in pacing/loading. Pffft.

[Ending] Scraps: 200

Paths Taken (Spoiler-Free Version): Same as prior run!

Alana, Dicer, and Morse were invited to my camp, again.

---

My stats for the previous run from 2016, for reference...

Part 1:

Points Traveled: 755TP, Level 3, as march steps - mostly. (1 point = 20 steps.)

Challenge Levels Taken:

Level 3 for 10 days

Level 2 for 15 days

Jobs Taken: 20 (8 Canis + 6 Equos + 6 Misc.)

Pit-Style Fights Won: 3 (2 Plot + 1 Extra)

[Ending] Scraps: 4450

Paths Taken (Spoiler-Free Version): B, A, A (Perk Get!), A, B, B (To Be Continued...)

Alana, Dicer, and Morse were invited to my camp.

Part 2:

Points Traveled: 633TP, Level 3, as march steps - mostly.

Challenge Levels Taken: [After fixing counting errors]

Level 3 for 9 days

Level 2 for 14 days

Level 1 for 1 day

Jobs Taken: 8 (2 Equos + 6 Misc.)

[Ending] Scraps: 2,885

Paths Taken (Spoiler-Free Version): B, B, A, B, A (Epilogue B?)

[tardis-ghost-blog]

The Master’s Game (7 - Poisoned)

<< Prev - Next >>

That was the last part. Only a few screws needed to be tighten up and...

"Yes, it works!" She held the device up so the Master could inspect it. "But don't touch the strings."

He crouched down to her, inspecting the thing. It was a small round socket with multiple metal arms and other metal extensions. And emitting from those came two strings of light that faded very quickly and were spiraling each other.

"Amazing, right? I've never seen it like that!"

"No reason to be so childish. It's just light."

"Hey! As if you wouldn't act childish all the time! Let me have some fun. And besides..." She took it back from his hands. "... it's not just light. It only emits some. But the strings are actually pure opposing energy. See? They are eternally spiraling, but are too different." She smiled. "Kinda like two people dancing around each other. Never able to stop, never able to look away... and never able to ever touch, cause they would just cease to exist."

"Your head is weird." His eyebrows raised.

"Huh, why now?"

"It spins a fairy tale out of some lights... Is that device of any use at least?"

Roka had given up on the chemistry part and opted to try out different ideas that, favorably, wouldn't destroy the whole planet. Why the Master let her do it in the end was unknown to her. Maybe it was to test her, maybe he just wanted to see her struggle and fail.

"Uhm... well... not so much. Before you mourn, we just need the right catalyst..." She looked at him and grinned. "And then... Boom!"

"Alright, I start to like it."

"Well, it's not a very visible explosion though. It's more of a... err... How to put it... In theory it should internally shutter the structure of all surrounding matter with the same frequency. A chain reaction of energy blasting through the surface of whatever I tune it into. More or less just dematerializing it."

"You know what? I'm actually... almost impressed."

"Ha! Told ya, I'm good!"

"Almost... we don't have a catalyst. So it's just another useless idea."

"Maybe, but since you're so much smarter than I..." She put a batch of papers in his hands. "...you can surely find something compatible. Here are the requirements."

"How do you even know of that?" He flipped through the pages and looked actually a bit impressed. "This isn't stuff the Doctor would teach a human. You clearly got some knowledge you shouldn't have."

Roka laughed. "That's the advantage if you're invisible.  No one can stop you from spending decades reading through the coolest library in the universe."

"Decades...?" He lay down the batch of papers and stared interestedly at Roka. "That doesn't match with your age."

Roka gulped. She shouldn't have said that.

"I... err... was quite young when he..." But a mean grin had already spread on the Master's face. He knew she was lying. And it was no problem for him to just read it from her mind if he wanted. "Uhm... alright, but I don't quite understand it myself... It seems my glitch was somehow threatening to the TARDIS, so the automatic defense system... froze me in time."

"Now that is interesting." And without a warning he lay a finger on her forehead and closed his eyes for a few seconds. His grin got wider. "Very... very... interesting. You're not lying. I can't feel your time stream moving." The Master grabbed her collar, dragging her into a standing position. "Now I'm really eager to find out if you still can get hurt."

Roka stared at him with a mean look on her face.

"High pain threshold, eh? Or rather... no pain at all? Is that the reason you're not afraid of me?"

"Alas I do feel some. My senses just seem to be a bit messed up. Only gives me migraines though." She frowned at him.

He let go of her and Roka rubbed her throat. "I tested it thoroughly. I simply don't age, everything else seems to be unaffected."

"I wonder if you can still... die."

Roka didn't like that look.

"Obviously... I never tried that out."

"Oh, we could change that... I always wanted to test this stuff on someone." He pulled something out of his pocket. It was a small object with a pointy end. "That's a very nice poison, you know..." He tapped against it with a wide grin. "It attaches itself to your nerve endings, sending waves of pain through your whole body." Somehow he managed to sound very happy about that.

"No thanks." She gulped. "Doesn't sound like a pleasant death."

"Oh, it's not even what kills you." Now his grin got really mischievous. "It also slows down your heartbeat. Bit by bit. Until it... just... stops."

Roka made a step backwards. She really didn't like that look.

"Sounds familiar. I read about it." She stood straight and grinned at him with a mean glint in her eyes. "Would be really stupid to use that."

"So? You're just bluffing." He stepped closer. "I think... it would be fun." And faster than she could have reacted, he hit the needle right into her neck.

Roka's eyes got wide of surprise. The Master grabbed her by her shoulders.

"You've got around... five minutes?" His voice was cheery. "Let's play..."

"Ugh, that stuff works fast." Already feeling a little shaky a first wave of pain hit her. It felt like all her veins very cramping. She tried to breathe, but it was so hard. It hurt a lot more than she had ever imagined, waving through her whole body and making her feel sick to the stomach.

He put his hand under her chin to make her look up to him. "How about you finally tell me where the TARDIS is hidden?"

"How about... I don't?" She frowned.

He reached inside his pocket once more and got out another needle, grinning widely. "Look at that... an antidote. Tell me and you'll get it. Isn't that a fine game?"

She really had trouble to breath. The waves run through her, making her shiver and squirm. Her mind was racing, what could she do? There was no way she could tell anything. "It's a stupid game. You can't even win it." She tried to get the meanest smile on her face she was able to at that moment.

"So? I told you, I'll think of something fine to get the info. Surprise!" He smiled down to her.

Another wave of pain made her gasp. Her legs got weak, she had trouble standing, but as she sank down on her knees the Master caught her, going down with her, forcing her to stay awake.

He shook her. "You're dying! Just tell..."

"Ugh... do me... a favor then. And let me go without annoying me." She sank against his chest. Not that she wanted to. But it was so hard to keep control over her muscles. Breathe... just breathe. But it was so hard. Her whole body was shivering like mad.

"Hey, don't just give in!" He shook her once more. "How can you be so stupid!? He doesn't even remember you!"

"It's not even about... the Doctor." She couldn't help but laugh. "I just enjoy defeating you at... your own game. Ugh... that bloody hurts though..."

"What the hell are you talking about?" He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. Roka stared into his eyes.

"Idiot... there isn't an antidote for it." She actually enjoyed seeing the surprise on his face. "What you got there... only buys me some time." Another wave hit her, letting her breath getting heavier. She could barely feel her heartbeat anymore. "Ugh... if the amount is low enough, my body could withstand until it gets out of me... But... you... idiot... just used up the full dose..."

"You're lying." He let go of her chin and she could feel a needle prick in her shoulder. "There, see? It's working... right?"

Nothing happened though. Roka shivered, she felt so cold. But suddenly all she could do was laugh at the absurdity of this.

"I don't get you..." His voice sounded completely confused. "How can you laugh? Why are you not screaming and crying and... whatever people do when they die."

"Heh... it's just... fun to ruin your day." She mustered all her strength to look at him. Into those gaping holes that held all the stars of the universe in them, although it was more a feeling than an actual image. Old and sad. No, she hadn't imagined it.

He stared at Roka, shaking her once. "There is no fear in you. Why? How?"

She smiled, letting her head sink again, as her muscles refused to obey. "Cause... there is nothing left to be... afraid of."

She could hear his hearts beating. This fascinating strange doubled rhythm. Not her own anymore though... not long. Maybe a minute or so... She could barely speak anymore, but at least the pain had stopped. Had it been too late? She felt her head getting foggy, her thoughts slowed down. Not long... and there might be nothing more. And still... she could not feel fear. Not even a bit of it. No, why should she? It was strangely warm, leaning against him like that. At least...

"I do... have to thank you though... in a way," she mumbled, probably barely understandable. "I always thought... I was cursed to die all alone... forgotten by the whole... universe. How ironic..." She smiled. "Don't get the wrong idea though... I still don't like you."

No answer... She raised her head once more. Still just this confused and angry look. Those eyes would be the last thing she would ever see, Roka realized.

"Good night... grim reaper." She couldn't feel her body anymore, her thoughts faded and everything went dark.

Silence fell over the room.