#so now damian murder crochets

[remosdeerica]

Tim: *horrified gasp*

Tim: Oh no.

Kon: What?

Tim: Damian. He's Crocheting.

Kon: Huh... I didn't know he could crochet. That's cool.

Tim: No. This is bad. Damian only crochet when he's feeling especially murderous.

Jon: I thought he knit when he's feeling murderous?

Tim: No, he knits when he's angry. This is very different.

Kon: Oh, look. Now he's sewing.

Tim: *terrified screams*

[quotidian-oblivion]

✨Out of context lines shitpost Pt. 3✨

Part 1 | Part 2

Quo: Do you want to put the sparkles in the title like we did in- Nogolsta: Of course. We're not savages.

@mispeltnostalgia and Quo bring forth more shit.

Hello, y'all enjoy the chaos cause i know i do :) -Nogolsta

The batfam but as things we said in public and in class:

Tim: I cleaned my floor, I washed the dishes, I did my h.w, I was productive.

Jason: Damn. The motivation demon possessed you.

Tim: Yeah it did!

Jason: Meanwhile… meanwhile…

Tim: What did you do?

Jason: *softy* torture

Tim: I love that

*high five*

~

Dick: *Starts sinking in his chair sliding under the table*

Also Dick: *Struggles to get up. Almost dies*

~

Steph: look if it's wrong you can blame me. I’ll even give you a crochet hook to stab me

Jason: I’d rather kill you with words

Steph: So I'd get on OC and you would brutally murder them?

Jason: Well, I do have an OC called Steph. Well its Christopher but I can shorten it

Bruce: What are you talking about?

Jason: Murder.

Steph: Specifically mine.

~

Special extracts from Tim’s essay about funeral rites in Egypt:

(Please note these are some extracts from Nogolsta’s essay outline. We don’t question it.)

The brain getting removed via nose with a crochet hook and the rest of the brain goop getting washed out with 💉drugs💉.

The flank (above the hips and below the booby area) is then cut open to scoop out the entire abdomen.

The cavity is then washed with palm wine and then with a ✨spicy blend✨.

Then it's filled with nice smelling things: pure myrrh(dur), cassia (another variation of cinnamon) but no frankincense (they don’t want the dead waking up now do they? Or else it’s gonna cause another Jason Todd). Then they sew the body up.

Body is chucked in natron (godly salt) for 70 days. No longer, no shorter (just like Dick) (Or Damian).

After this, the body is washed and wrapped in linen for that mummy look we all know and love.

Middle class funerals got less care (shockingly).

The body is injected with cedar oil through the butthole and is then plugged up like the hair in the sink.

(Note: Bruce got a call from the teacher about Tim being submitted to counseling.)

~

Dick: *walking backwards* I will make you hydrate

Tim: No you won’t 

Dick: you don’t have a choi- *walks into bookshelf and knocks books off*

~

Babs: and we could just sit and read fanfiction. I’m open to any Fandom as long as no romance or smut. I’m not comfortable with that. But I'm open to anything else. Especially ✨torture✨

~

Damian: Did you burn the paper I told you to burn?

Steph: Yeah!

Damian: Do you still have the ashes?

Steph: What? No, I burnt it in the fireplace, I’m not scooping it out.

Damian: *sigh* a pity. I was hoping to put it in a jar and look at it every day, reminding me of my dreams.

~

Wally: Oh no! We haven't been unpredictable enough today! Quick! Say something shitty!

Dick: I didn't bring a sandwich because we ran out of bread at home so Alfred made me a salad but I don't want a salad, I want a ham, cheese and tomato toastie. I mean, I love a salad, but I want a toastie *starts sobbing*

Wally:

Wally: I have regrets.

~

Jason: JANDBHWISHEVWBAKKXNFBFJEJDHRUWIQPD DNDBDHUS RBSKWDIHRVE SNAOSUEB

Bruce: *crying* Please- I will get down on my knees. Please stop.

Jason: NNJsjeuewjjJQJS EBSIWOSUEHEHBWBD RJE sndjjdidiwiwje

Jason: You have to say the ones not in all-caps quieter.

Jason: jwjduruwhsbdjriwi aanwjeiisjd NSNWOWORIRBEBSJA

~

Jason:*whispers* i have a torture idea

Dick: *facepalms in disappointment*

~

Dick: Our father has become a pigeon!

Jason: What?

Dick: *swivels phone to show a snap from Tim of Bruce with a pigeon filter on*

~

4 yo Damian: *grabs onto someone's leg in a crowd*

Jason: "raises the foot holding Damian with disgust* what the fuck are you?

4 yo Damian: you're not my father

Jason: I sure hope not. I haven't got any fuckers like you running around.

4 yo Damian: If you were my dad, I’d be sad.

Jason: Let’s find your dad you little shit.

Note: Nogolsta as a child was precious and savage at the same time 

Part 4

[juicy-juice-hyp0tenuse]

99 questions that no one asks that im gonna answer cuz y not

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Uh, it depends on how trashed my closet is XD if there a lot of clothes on my floor then i close my closet doors to keep my dog from nesting XD 
2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Lol yea 
3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Uh, if i just made my bed then yea. But after a while i get bored and so i undo everything 
4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No... 
5:Do you like to use post-it notes? Yea, but nit for anything important 
6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I dont need to use coupons lol 
7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bees.... 
8:Do you have freckles? Nope 
9:Do you always smile for pictures? Not always. I dont smile unless i have a good reason to. 
10:What is your biggest pet peeve? When people get proportions wrong in a drawing. Especially when it comes to breast sizes and height. Idk why, but it really pisses me off. 
11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk? If it crosses my mind then yea. 
12:Have you ever peed in the woods? I dont think so 
13:What about pooped in the woods? No 
14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? I might have. I cant remember 
15:Do you chew your pens and pencils? Yea 
16:How many people have you slept with this week? 0 
17:What size is your bed? Queen size 
18:What is your Song of the week? No logic sung by Megurine Luka 
19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Hell yea 
20:Do you still watch cartoons? Lol of course :3 
21:Whats your least favorite movie? Rings 
22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? I would probably bury it under the mango tree in my back yard 
23:What do you drink with dinner? Usually water when im at home but when im at a restaurant then Coke 
24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Nothing... 
25:What is your favorite food? Sushi! And Hot wings! (Not together, of course...eww) 
26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love? The goonies or Kimi no na wa (your name) 
27:Last person you kissed/kissed you? My ex boyfriend. But come not this weekend but the next, ima do a thing to this boy who asked me on a date. I'll go more into detail in another post about James. 
28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Yea. Girl scouts sucked. But i would hang around with the boys when my bro was in boy scouts. I loved it 
29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No... 
30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? No long ago. But that person will never get that letter.. 
31:Can you change the oil on a car? Most likely 
32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Nah, i cant drive :3 
33:Ever ran out of gas? Again, cant drive 
34:Favorite kind of sandwich? All Italian meat and muenster cheese. No condiments 
35:Best thing to eat for breakfast? Frozen waffles 
36:What is your usual bedtime? Check tumblr, check hello pal, check quiz up and the cuddle up with my waifu, GUMI 
37:Are you lazy? Yea 
38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Uh, my farthest memory of dressing up was being Cleopatra for halloween one year. Then the next year i was Spectra Vondergiest for Monster High, next year i was a disco dude, next year i was Hatsune Miku and last year i was Noiz from Dramatical murders. 
39:What is your Chinese astrological sign? If im correct, im the monkey 
40:How many languages can you speak? 1. I can speak a tad of Japanese tho 
41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope 
42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs? LEGOS!!!!! 
43:Are you stubborn? Not really 
44:Who is better…Leno or Letterman? What 
45:Ever watch soap operas? Nope 
46:Are you afraid of heights? YES 
47:Do you sing in the car? if im with my sister yea 
48:Do you sing in the shower? Yea 
49:Do you dance in the car? Again, if im with my sister 
50:Ever used a gun? A bb gun 
51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Spring picture day 
52:Do you think musicals are cheesy? Lol yea. Fuck musicals 
53:Is Christmas stressful? Yea cuz the fucking overly religious bs is annyoying g for me, an atheist 
54:Ever eat a pierogi? Hell yea, im polish :) 
55:Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry~ 
56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Vet / doctor 
57:Do you believe in ghosts? Yup. Ive actually had a few encounters 
58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yup. 
59:Take a vitamin daily? Nah 
60:Wear slippers? If i need em and i have a pair ready then yea 
61:Wear a bath robe? If i need it then yea 
62:What do you wear to bed? Panties and maybe a shirt. Or i just dont take anything of and just sleep 
63:First concert? Ive never been to a concert 
64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target 
65:Nike or Adidas? Neither. I dont care 
66:Cheetos Or Fritos? ....fritos 
67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Niether 
68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? It sounds familiar but i can put my finger on it 
69:Ever take dance lessons? Yes. I was a ballerina in kindergarten 
70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Im not married 
71:Can you curl your tongue? Yea 
72:Ever won a spelling bee? Ive never been entered in one 
73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes 
74:Own any record albums? Nope 
75:Own a record player? Nope 
76:Regularly burn incense? Nope but if i could i would 
77:Ever been in love? Yes and i still am. But ever day im haunted with the fact that i will never see him again 
78:Who would you like to see in concert? A vocaloid or B52's 
79:What was the last concert you saw? Again, ive never seen one 
80:Hot tea or cold tea? Both 
81:Tea or coffee? Tea 
82:Sugar or snickerdoodles? ....thats a hard question....SUGAR 
83:Can you swim well? i can swim very well. I just really dont like water XD 
84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yea 
85:Are you patient? Depends 
86:DJ or band, at a wedding? Mmmn nah 
87:Ever won a contest? Not that i can remember 
88:Ever have plastic surgery? No 
89:Which are better black or green olives? GREEN :3 
90:Can you knit or crochet? I can crochet a little. Im not that good tho 
91:Best room for a fireplace? Living room 
92:Do you want to get married? Yea 
93:If married, how long have you been married? 
94:Who was your HS crush? Im still in middle 
95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No 
96:Do you have kids? No 
97:Do you want kids? Yes. But i wont carry said kids. Im an asexual 
98:Whats your favorite color? GREEEEEEEN 
99:Do you miss anyone right now? Yes....DAMIAN I LOVE YOU 😔😫