Tumgik
#so that might be part of why it was always difficult for me to focus on reading it for more than a couple entries at a time
afoxdoeswrite · 11 months
Text
I tend to listen to music when I'm going on walks, but Spotify recommended me that Dracula Daily audiobook version, so I figured I've have a listen. Dracula's pretty cool and all, but I always remember it being super long and kinda hard to read through in anything more than little bits, so I figured 'hey, a daily mini thing might be neat to try'.
It is incredible how that team is able to make things scary. I was walking around in broad daylight on a main road, there were dozens of people all over the place, and somehow I felt so alone listening to it that I got chills. Genuinely brilliant, I'm really impressed and this is definitely going to be my background audio for going on walks for a while now.
458 notes · View notes
salvatwh0re · 1 year
Text
I have officially mastered the void
So this morning (afternoon actually) i decided to tap into the void so I did the 61 points yoga nidra meditation with a subliminal. I didn’t really need the subliminal I was just using it cause my headphones are somewhat noise cancelling and my family was awake so I didn’t want to get distracted. But the meditation was really relaxing. At first I had some trouble staying focused but then I reminded myself why I was doing this and what I was doing it for. So it kept me motivated. After that i affirmed a little bit then I counted down from 100 and then I affirmed some more then I got bored of affirming so i started visualizing and then I got bored of that so I just decided to focus on the darkness behind my eyelids.
I never really took that advice from people when they said it helped cause I didn’t believe them but it actually worked. Out of everything else I did that was the one thing that sent me straight to the void. I think for the most part it was just letting go of that desperate feeling i always have when I try to enter. I always feel like I’m forcing myself to do it so I just let go and kind of forgot about what I was doing while still keeping that intention.
I was getting pretty anxious tho because of the time so I just got out but i did it again and it sent me straight to the void again. So now I know the secret to getting into the void is to just let go of that desperation and to stop forcing yourself, just let it happen. If you feel you’ve affirmed enough stop affirming, if you feel you’ve focused on your breathing enough, go back to your automatic breathing pattern STOP FORCING YOURSELF IT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!!
and I know a lot of people stress about not being aware in the void and not affirming for your desires but stressing over that is exactly what’s going to make you forget tbh. When you let go of that desperation you let go of those other doubts too, those things that were stopping you from getting there in the first place. I feel like removing yourself from those thoughts is really effective in getting you what you want.
I will say it might help to have a list of things you want either written down or set in your mind because it will be a lot easier to remember what you’re going to affirm. When you’re in the void or even before you tap in completely you’re supposed to be super relaxed so it might be a little difficult to bring up those thoughts but because of how different the void is from the 3D it’s kind of hard to forget. Especially if you’ve been trying for a long time.
The void isn’t really something you question, you know for sure you’re in cause you can’t hear feel see taste or smell anything so it’s pretty identifiable. And because you’ve reminded yourself over and over that that’s what the void feels like, once you feel it you’re going to be like OHHH ok now i know to affirm for my desires. You’ve been training your brain to associate the void with your desires so of course once you recognize that you’re in you’re going to remember to affirm for your desires.
Also I don’t really like using the term void personally, but it’s what I learned it as. I feel like calling it the void just makes it sound so otherworldly and extraterrestrial and scary tbh. I think that’s what was holding me back as well, fear. I know that Neville Goddard refers to it as the I AM state which is a perfect name for it because it really is a state of just BEING like you’re not worried about anything else other than yourself and that’s the beauty of it. I would go on more cause there’s so much I can say but overall i hope you just let you go of that desperation so that you can finally push through and get everything you’ve been wanting because you deserve it.
2K notes · View notes
lurkingshan · 3 months
Text
10 Things I Love About Triage
I am extraordinarily late to this party but I am here to scream about Triage, a show which I started on a whim after a stray comment from @incandescentflower and subsequently finished in two sittings. This drama has been on my list forever (I didn't watch it live because the distribution was wacky) and then it just kept getting overlooked as I fought to keep up with the deluge of Thai BL coming at us at all times. But I am very glad I finally hunted it down and made the time and I would like to tell you why!
Hello Again, Dr. Sammon
Tumblr media
I am on record as a Sammon fan. She is one of the best writers working in Thai BL and she has a knack for mystery and suspense. Her narratives are always really well constructed with tight plotting and smart character work, and Triage is no exception. This story feels confident, steady, and complete in a way few Thai BLs do.
The time travel rules are blessedly consistent
Tumblr media
Part of what makes the story sing is it's a time travel plot that actually gets the particulars right. In a time loop, the details are everything, and this show understands that. The series of events are consistent, the rules of the time travel mechanics are clearly explained, and when our protagonists learn something new, it always lines up with something we'd gotten hints about before or gives us new context for old information. There are no loose threads in this show.
My boy Tin is going through it
Tumblr media
Tin is a fantastic protagonist. He starts the show disillusioned with his work and hilariously grumpy about this time loop situation--he is a busy ER doctor and he does not have time for this--but as he starts to piece together how the loop works he gets more methodical in his approach, and eventually becomes emotionally invested in his mission to save Tol. Tin felt really well-calibrated in that he was smart and he tried all the things you would be shouting at the screen for him to try, but he's still a human being with flaws and insecurities and so he makes mistakes, learns, and has to try again. The show really successfully put us in the frustration with him.
Tol makes for an interesting damsel
Tumblr media
Because he's kind of an asshole! Tol is rude and disrespectful when he first meets Tin, he hangs around with some truly awful bullies, he treats Rit like garbage, and he's all around an arrogant dick. Until he isn't. I like the choice to make the focus of our mission such a difficult character, not only because it makes Tin's challenge that much harder, but also because it invites us to consider the reasons why someone might be behaving the way he is and whether they can be redeemed.
This show has everything: action, romance, and agony
Tumblr media
It's truly an emotional rollercoaster all the way through, and you can't relax for a moment. The pacing is relentless through most of the show, and even as a bond develops between Tin and Tol and they begin a tentative romance, danger is lurking around every corner. As soon as these boys started making out in episode 9 I knew something awful was coming for me and IT SURE DID.
Jinta, the ultimate frenemy
Tumblr media
On that note let's talk about Jinta, my nemesis!! Jinta is some kind of unspecified deity/whimsical god and the one who appears to be responsible for putting Tin and Tol in this loop. Is he trying to help them? Is he trying to torture them? I definitely think it's both! He seems to delight in showing up to taunt Tin as he struggles to figure out how to get through to Tol, and when it's Tol's turn on the merry-go-round he sends him to the darkest timeline for his high stakes final attempt to save Tin just because he can. I love/hate you, sir!
Sing and Gap and the darkest timeline
Tumblr media
Speaking of which, can we talk about how appropriate it is that Sing and Gap are a couple only in the darkest timeline? I don't know if people were shipping this for real during the live watch, but I definitely was not and so I started cackling when we got to the worst possible timeline and Sing was suddenly calling Gap his boyfriend. Sammon, you are hilarious and I salute you.
Fantastic side characters
Tumblr media
Let's talk about the sides I did love. First of all, aside from his weird aggressive flirting/not flirting thing with Gap, I actually did like Sing's friendship with Tin a lot. I also loved the hospital gang who were around to alternately tease and help Tin, most especially Toy and Fang. Toy is a sweetheart and a gossip who never misses a trick, and Fang is an actual badass who first cracked the case with that evil doctor and saved Tin's life. They are fabulous. Rit was also an excellent character with a lot of complexity and he added some much needed depth to the school storyline (does anyone else think he was basically the proto-DFF Non?). And while Mai and Heart were not my favorite people, I did appreciate that the show gave them a sympathetic portrayal instead of making them evil villains (we had the organ harvesters for that).
That beautiful clocktower
Tumblr media
I must give a shoutout to this gorgeous clocktower featured in several important scenes. I got so excited every time it showed up. Fun fact: in the first clocktower scene I was like oh hey I recognize that from gifs, but it can't be that scene because it's too early for a kis--TIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING! (I was right, it was too early for a kiss and Tol was Big Mad but bless you for going for it anyway, Tin).
The romance is balanced and rootable
Tumblr media
And on that note, let me give a shoutout to the romance part of this story for actually feeling balanced. This is not an epic swoony love affair, but more a story of two people putting in the time to understand and empathize with each other. Sometimes in these kind of time loop stories the romance can end up feeling very one-sided because one character is holding all the knowledge and all the cards. But in this show we have the neat trick of Tol taking over the loop to try to save Tin in the final arc, which means he got to go through a similar process of getting to know the darkest version of his lover and figuring out how to get through to him. I was delighted by all the events of the long loop playing out again, but this time with Tin being the obstinate one. Tol got a taste of his own medicine and it left me feeling like they were both equally invested in this relationship.
TL;DR: If you haven't watched this yet, you really should! It's a fast binge and a great time with some Thai BL favorites. It's unfortunately still not available for international streaming, but it's very easy to find grey now and it's worth the effort. Go forth!
214 notes · View notes
wildestdreamsblog · 11 months
Text
Latibule Spinoff: Elysian II
Pairing: Doctor/Mafia!Kim Seokjin x Intern!Reader 
Warnings: Yandere behavior, Possessiveness, Manipulative behavior, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.
A/N: heheheheheee
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Masterlist, Part II of __
Kim Seokjin blinked owlishly as you run past him in a hurry with your white coat hanging on your arm and the sound of your heels hitting the floor before completely skidding to a stop. It was already late in the evening and you still had energy to run in the hospital lobby. Seokjin was starting to wonder what you were fed as a child to be this vibrant. Additionally, though, he was now starting to think what he fed Jungkook as a child for him to be as energetic as you.
“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I run again?” you asked with a teasing smile on your face, your breaths huffing. You saw the most handsome man walked confidently across the lobby, his hand clutching his briefcase and you knew he was done for the day. That was the moment you ran from the second floor to the ground floor just to annoy your crush. You were too busy today with your patients and papers that you had no time to go to his office and bat your eyelashes at him.
It was entertaining to watch his cheeks and ears reddened whenever he saw you doing that, or whenever you verbally appreciated his beauty. You thought he was embarrassed for you and you found it immensely charming. In fact, flirting with him was the highlight of your day and you always made sure to see him on a daily basis which you noted was difficult.
Sometimes, Kim Seokjin was nowhere to be found for days. You wondered where he went whenever he disappeared. On days after he was gone, he seemed to be more tolerant of your teasing quips. On days after he returned, you could have sworn he looked at you a little bit fondly for a second and then it was gone.
“This is not the first time I saw you, Doctor Y/N,” he replied calmly, his hand in his pocket as he rested his eyes on yours.
“Yes, but I’m running out of pickup lines to use. I still need conduct further research,” you tilted your head to the side as you looked up at the tall man. “When are you even going to ask me out, Doctor Kim?”
“W-what?”
“I mean, you better hurry up or else someone might snatch me up. My mother did say that I’m the most beautiful girl in the world and I am known for being a good girl and believing every word my mother said.”
His brows furrowed at the thought of someone snatching you away from his grasp. But, you weren’t his, right? He had no hold over you, right? So why did that leave a sour taste on his mouth? Why then did he fist his hands so tight he almost felt pain knowing that he had long couldn’t?
You had no idea of the darkness that was clouding his mind and instead, you smiled sweetly at him before waving him goodbye, satisfied that you once again managed to render the smartest man in this hospital speechless and blushing profusely. That was an achievement, you giggled.
But then you turned to look at him again, your hand touching your lips and then dramatically pointing it to him. That was all it took to get him out of the darkness that was caging him once again. The mafia prince didn’t know what to make of the power you had over his darkness, a darkness that he spent a good decade reigning in.
You tapped your knuckles against his office door twice before opening the door. Kim Seokjin was the image of focus as he stared intensely at his laptop, his brows slightly furrowed with his glasses resting on his aristocrat nose. He looked up when he heard the sound of several tupperwares hitting his table.
“Eomeoni said that she courted appa by cooking and bringing him meals everyday in his office,” you started conversationally as you opened the lids. Seokjin was helpless as soon as the aromatic smell reached him that his own stomach decided to betray him and communicate how empty it was.
He coughed to cover his embarrassment, “Your mother courted your father?”
“Yes. Her method was effective, though,” you grinned at him as you placed the chopsticks in front of him. You sat in front of him before starting to eat. “She also did say to follow my dreams, so here I am.”
You met his eyes before winking at him. Seokjin’s face radiated with a warm, pinkish blush which happened to be a true testament to his extremely flustered state that only you could bring out of him. And you staring at him like that was not helping him at all.
His hands shook as his mind went to the default setting: to push you away.
“I have patients coming in…”
You blinked owlishly at him before looking down at your wristwatch. “It’s 5:47 am. Check-ups starts at 7:00 am. We have time.”
“I-I don’t eat.”
The silence was loud as you processed what he just said, and you knew what an ‘I don’t want to spend time with you’ looked like. You nodded your head before standing up. “Okay.”
You stopped yourself from showing your disappointment. You brought your chopsticks down before wordlessly closing the lids on the meals your prepared at an ungodly hour. You returned them all in the paper bag before bowing at him and leaving. He watched it all as you refused to meet his eyes for the first time since you met him.
He groaned when you closed the door, and he was once again left with the silence he was used to. He rested his head on his hands in frustration. What was wrong with him, he thought. He didn’t eat? What was he, a fucking vampire? Yes, he had a clear and fair skin, and yes, he looked like he was not aging. And of course, his beauty was out of this world. But he was just beautiful! What could he do? Should he blame his mother that used to be a top model for his good genes?
Or should he blame his already system that was already beyond repair even before you came into his life?  
Kim Seokjin eyes kept on shifting to the door and then back to his screen for a moment. However, it was as though he was powerless from looking back to the door again. The presentation that they deemed to be important was merely a white noise to him, even as the doctors kept on looking at him for approval. They found none as his face remained impassive.
He looked down on his phone, and even your usual good morning was not there and he loathed it. Granted that he never replied, but he still kept the messages. It brought him something akin to warmth in his chest when he received your messages on his phone. Reading your adorable messages was the highlight of his morning. But now, his phone was unusually quiet and you were nowhere to be found. It displaced him. It vexed him. And it confused him. Seokjin glared at the emptiness of your chair with such disgust and irritation that the presenter gulped from the darkness that crossed his face. They all wanted to please him, not only was he in the highest position but he was also the major stockholder of the hospital.
Suffice to say, Kim Seokjin was the most powerful man in the hospital. Unbeknownst to them though, his power spread beyond the corners of the hospital and into the darkness of the world.
“Director Kim?” the presenter he didn’t care to remember the name called for his attention. Leisurely, he brought his eyes from his phone to the sweating man. He didn’t even care to hide the fact that he was more focused on the phone than the presentation. He read all about it and he was not pleased one bit.
“I believe you graduated at the top of your class, Doctor Choi, am I correct?” he regarded him with an unimpressed look. He waved his hand before the man could even respond. He didn’t need his affirmation. “Did your school have an extremely low population? Did they have-“ he tilted his head to come up with a better word than what he was thinking. “-subpar qualifications? Was bribery involved?”
He met each and everyone’s eyes before standing up slowly in heavy disappointment. “Fix this. Or I’ll personally call all the organizations that awarded this hospital as the best and tell them that they made a terribly, colossal blunder and have them take all the certifications away.”
—-
“Hyuuuuung, why are you even doing here?” Jungkook, their youngest brother, whined as he watched his oldest hyung laid out on his office sofa. He had his phone up, glaring at it as though it personally did him wrong.
“Hanging out with you,” he murmured before throwing his phone away. He pulled his arm on his face and started groaning.
Jungkook wanted to smash his head against his table littered with thousands of documents he needed to go into- which he couldn’t do because his hyung just wouldn’t leave him in peace!
“You’re distracting me!”
“Tough luck. I need to be around someone who’s as lonely as I am.”
“Then go to the others! Why me?! Why not Namjoon hyung?!”
“He’s not lonely. He has his secretary,” Jin softly explained before putting down his arm and turning to look at Jungkook. “Besides, no one is as lonelier as you. Your wife is out there running from you.”
“No, she’s not! She’s just lost! What about Taehyung? Go to him!” he huffed as he was reminded yet again that his wife left him. His brows were now in a pinched as he pouted at his hyung.
Jin waved his suggestion away before closing his eyes. “Tae Tae does not feel any emotion, Kookie. He doesn’t even know he’s lonely because he is a high-functioning pain in the ass psychopath that needs to be put down as soon as pos-“
His slander on Taehyung was cut short as the sound of his phone alerting him of a message from the floor chimed. Jungkook watched his hyung scrambled on the floor to where he threw his phone both in confusion and disgust. He never saw his hyung behaved this way when he was the one who always insisted in proprietary and manners because they as he said, they might be cold-blooded criminals but they were not barbarians.
You were back, he read as the personnel from the Human Resources department he bribed messaged him. Apparently, you were on a week-long leave that required him suffering because you weren’t in his vicinity. Yet again, he had no time to dissect his feelings…
He just needed to see you.
It felt like everything was displaced when you were gone, yet at the same time it was how he was living before you came into his life and painted his world with colors he didn’t know existed. That was the thing, you came and changed his world. He didn’t know how to go back to his colorless world now.
“Okay, bye.”
Jungkook watched dumbfoundedly as his hyung ran out of his office.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Part III
504 notes · View notes
rebelliousstories · 4 months
Text
My Baby Shot Me Down
Relationship: Cooper Howard x Reader
Fandom: Fallout
Request: No
Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Age Gap
Word Count: 1,163
Main Masterlist: Here
Fallout Masterlist: Here
Part Two of: Ex Lover’s Lover
Summary: After a stint on set, Cooper has to call into question whether or not being a relationship is beneficial for her.
Tumblr media
“What is he doing here?” Walking onto the set of the newest western film, that was not what she had expected to hear as Cooper was by her side. Looking over at the side of the set, she noticed that there were two women right next to one another.
“Why else? That’s his sugar baby. Don’t know if I even want to be in a film with a man selling the end of the world.” She tried to tune the two women out, and focus on their director, but it was difficult. Of course not everyone was going to happy with his previous gigs, but a check was a check at the end of the day. Cooper was trying to do better now that he was divorced and moving on with his life.
“Darlin’, you listening?” Howard shook the women slightly, which brought her back to the present.
“Yes, sorry. A bit distracted today. My apologies.” She said with a bashful look on her face as she was caught slipping away mentally.
“All good,” the director reassured, “well, if we have no questions, shall we get started?”
And with that, the film was underway. There was a lot of fun on that set for her; being able to act alongside her lover was always a joy. But there was one dark cloud that hung over them. The two women from earlier. They were playing the local ladies of the night in the film, which she found laughable given her current stance on them. Every so often, when they thought they could get away with it, their snide comments slipped through.
“You’re way too young for him.” One of them whispered, sliding a tray of fake drinks over to her to “serve.” She knew that the dialogue would not be heard in the final film, but that did not mean that she did not hear it in the moment.
“You’re just a trophy to him.” Another snide comment as one of the woman passed in front of her on the corner of the little town the had created.
“He deserves someone better.” Yet another chink in her armor.
“He’ll get bored with you soon.”
“Cut!” The director called. She barely had a chance to react when they walked away. Calling it a day for the set, she could feel the tears of frustration boil up in her, but she refused to let them fall. Shoving them down, she felt the eyes of those women on her as she bid the director and staff goodnight, and walked alone to her trailer.
A frustrated sigh left her body the second the door was shut. She leaned against the door and slid down. The feelings from the day welled up inside of her; all the stress, anxiety, sadness, just everything. As she stood from the floor, tears started falling from her eyes as she moved to the pull out couch on the opposite wall. She was thankful that she had the forethought to change from her costume before coming back to her trailer all together.
Suddenly, there came a knock at the door, which prompted the woman to stand back up. All she wanted right now was a good cry and maybe some chocolate covered treats, and to finish her evening with a nice cuddle with her lover; but all that would have to wait. She was pleasantly surprised that when she opened the door Cooper was on the other side. He smiled up at her from the bottom of her trailer steps, but it immediately dropped when he saw the look on her face.
“Oh darlin’. What’s wrong?” Cooper pushed his way inside and shut the door behind him. Scooping her up in his arms, he maneuvered them over to the couch where she had once sat.
“Nothing’s wrong. What makes you say that?” She asked in between sniffles. Her lover, on the other hand, was not looking like he was convinced.
“Now you might do well on the stage and screen, but you can’t act your way out of a wet paper bag when it comes to me. Tell me what’s wrong. It’ll make you feel better.” His hands rubbed soothing circles in her shoulders and back, while his voice remained soft.
“Just something someone said today. It��s nothing, Coop.” Trying to brush it off, she settled herself into his arms. This was just what she needed after today.
“I need to know what was said, honey. Otherwise, it’ll fester in that pretty little head of yours.” He replied, pressing a kiss to said head. With her head in his chest, she shook it, causing Cooper to sigh deeply.
“I’ll use tactics to get the information out of you.” His hand was poised and ready to go over her ribs.
“Don’t you dare.”
“Tell me.”
“No. it’s nothing.”
“Alright. You asked for it.” Before she could move out of the way, his hand had descended upon her stomach and began to tickle her. She giggled at first, and soon it turned into full bore laughter as she tried to squirm away from the offending hand. Howard let up for just a moment while staring down at his lover who was panting slightly.
“Tell me, or it’s round two.” He warned, keeping his hand ready to go.
“It’s just, some of the women on set were saying how I was too young for you. That you’d get bored of me sooner rather than later. I don’t know, it just bothered me to think about all day.” She finally admitted, fiddling with a spot on Cooper’s shirt. His hand dropped, and it, instead, brought her chin up to look at him.
“That’s why you forgot your lines today?” He asked ridiculously. She rolled her eyes at him, yet chose not to answer.
“Baby, you are young for me.” That just felt like a stab to the heart. This was it. This was when he finally got bored of her like everyone said.
“But I love that about you.” Looking up into his eyes, she was surprised to hear that come out from him.
“I don’t care if people see us and think to themselves that you’re in it for the money. I’m not going to get bored of you. You pulled me from my darkest point, sweetheart, and for that I thank you.” The longer he spoke, the more she saw love swell in his eyes.
“Let them talk. They’re just jealous that they ain’t us. We can’t control what other people say about us, but we can control how we react. Don’t worry about them anymore. They aren’t worth it.” Cooper concluded his little speech with a sweet little kiss to his girlfriend’s lips. When he pulled away, he chuckled as he was pulled back down.
“Thank you, Coop. I really needed that.” She said, stroking a hand over his face.
“Anytime, any place darlin’.” He replied, leaning back in for another kiss with his love.
161 notes · View notes
genoskissors · 5 months
Text
Finally done! Thank you everyone for your patience!
Principal Monokuma’s Room Check!
Trigger Happy Havoc Boys
THH Girls Rooms
Tumblr media
There are a few notes throughout to explain some things I thought most would not know (like Japanese traditions) or just to clarify things changed in localization.
Naegi-kun’s Room Edition
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Sigh. It’s the private room where a high school boy spends his agonizing nights, even so, what’s with this plainness!? Why don’t you have something more shameful or embarrassing!? Naegi-kun, I’m disappointed in you!
Checkpoints: A: It’s the memo pad I prepared. It would be nice if it had Hope’s Peak Academy’s school emblem on it, to give it a rich feeling.
B: This is the key to the room. It has a key holder with the appropriate name on it. It cannot be bought and is very sophisticated, so improper usage is prohibited!
C: It’s a mock sword that was kept on the display shelf. Even though it was only decoration, it was carefully displayed, so an incident happened. Upupupu.
D: I heard that mysterious curly hair grows in boys’ rooms. An adhesive lint roller is useful for frequent cleaning! I’m so attentive! Note: Don't really know what this means, I think it might be referencing Junko's hair.
Ishimaru-kun’s Room Edition
Tumblr media Tumblr media
It’s a room filled with study materials and is well organized, just as one would expect from a serious person like Ishimaru-kun’s room. Hmm~ If you spend all your energy on this, you won’t be able to focus on the killing game!
Checkpoints: A: Dictionaries and reference books are the most exciting when lined up neatly on your desk. Huh? Are you using them properly? Hee~...
B: He irons his uniform every day. Also, the armbands as well, so you know he really likes this things.
C: A New Year’s tradition, Kakizome. I suggest “In early spring, be careful of bears, as they can get ferocious!” Huh? Aren’t you going to start writing?
D: What kind of guy likes to swing around a bamboo sword even though he isn’t part of the kendo club? Do you stand on the ground, put your forehead on it, and spin around to split a watermelon? Note: This is a Japanese game called Suikawari.
Togami-kun’s Room Edition
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Genuine rich people tend to seek a more modest sense of luxury rather than those who are nouveau riche. I have no clue how much Togami-kun’s room actually costs. Note: “Nouveau riche” refers to people who become rich themselves and “genuine rich people” refers to people who were born into a rich family, like Byakuya.
Checkpoints: A: It’s a violin or something. Famous ones can be worth billions. That’s more expensive than the famous Chinese medicine, bear bile, which is very pricey, roar! Note: Based on the phrase "violin or something" it's likely a viola. That's just my theory though.
B: There is nothing more difficult than determining the value of a painting. In many cases, collecting these masterpieces is not about appreciating art, but investing in it.
C: Ahaha! A red carpet laid out from the entrance, Togami-kun must be kidding me! That’s what the life of stardom is about!
D: The famous line “I will kill you, without fail!” is what makes Togami’s glasses indispensable! I can’t believe he has 10 of them, that’s quite a thorough preparation!
Oowada-kun’s Room Edition
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I believe that biker gangs are a style and a fashion. That’s why it’s necessary for those who call themselves bikers to have an easy-to-understand logo or item that appeals to everyone. Upupu.
Checkpoints: A: These are the big flags put on the back of bikes, aren’t they? I always wonder if they are safe from being blown away by the wind.
B: These are all motorcycle magazines, right? I’m not going to go as far as suggesting philosophy books or economic magazines, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to open a textbook once in a while?
C: Are you really satisfied with the 5G “ Cypress Stick”? Isn’t the 1500G “Steel Broadsword” the catharsis? Note: I’m pretty sure this is a Dragon Quest reference.
D: This is the colorful banner of Oowada’s gang, “Crazy Diamonds”. Hmm, you’re only really good at difficult kanji.
Kuwata-kun’s Room Edition
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hey, Kuwata-kun, baseball doesn't even have a “ya” character! I know you don't like it, but now that you're at our school, maybe you could try to act like a baseball player, even if it's a front? Note: The Japanese word for baseball, Yakyuu (野球), has a “ya” in it, so I think Monokuma is just saying this to see if Leon will even care enough to react to his statement.
Checkpoints: A: Why do self-proclaimed punk fans like human skulls? A sea bream head has another sea bream inside, right? That's even more favorable! Note: I'm not gonna lie, I have no clue what that second sentence means. I think it relates to the saying “鯛の尾より鰯の頭”, but I still don't know how it correlates.
B: I want CDs and DVDs to come in splendid limited edition packaging, but they don’t fit neatly like this. How troubling.
C: Carrying your guitar case on your back and feeling tired as you walk around town is super cool. There was a time when I thought that way too.
D: In order to stand out and be popular, you need to have vocals. Kuwata-kun's purity is manly in a sense. I would like to hear his beautiful voice. Upupu.
Yamada-kun’s Room Edition
Tumblr media Tumblr media
A utopia making the world’s geeks water at the mouth, the pink love nest of Buuko and Yamada-kun. As a despair maniac, I am driven by a desire for a room devoted solely to my hobby. Note: Buuko is Princess Piggles in the localization.
Checkpoints: A: Hey, I’m giving it everything I got to ask this question, is this what Yamada-kun is wearing? Isn’t it self-indulgent to wear it on his 170cm and 155kg body!?
B: “MARTIAL ARTS LADIES”, “This time, I’ll punish you on the mat!”.  I don’t understand why martial arts cosplay makes your heart pound.
C: Some people say these sheets and body pillow are perverted, but the desire for skin contact is neither two-dimensional nor three-dimensional.
D: Three-dimensional objects have a sense of unity because they are equipped with a three-dimensional concept. The shading of light and the convergence of existence are astonishing (The following is omitted). Note: “The following is omitted” is just a way of saying Monokuma kept rambling.
Yasuhiro-kun's Room Edition
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hagakure-kun’s love of fortune-telling is, quite honestly, shady, right? Even though he has all these tools, he still uses intuition to tell fortunes, doesn’t he? So, what in the world are these piles of junk for!?
Checkpoints: A: People with extremely dry skin tend to have a lot of wrinkles on their palms, which makes palm readers cry. It’s hard to even do fortune-telling these days.
B: Fortune-telling cards are great for mysteries and romance. If I sold "Monokuma’s Carefully Made Pure Gold Tarot", maybe I could make a profit. Upupupu.
C: If anything, Hagakure-kun has more of an oriental divination image. When I see tools like this, I want to display them in an alcove or something.
D: Come on! How many times do I have to say this!? When buying fortune-telling goods online, do not cash on delivery! This time, I was the one who paid for it too!
Fujisaki-kun’s Room Edition
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Even though he’s the Super High School Level Programmer, Fujisaki-kun actually has a variety of hobbies. That’s good, science... a science student! I want to learn many things from him.
Checkpoints: A: Three monitors and a luxurious-looking executive chair. He looks like a young company president or day trader. A serious side profile would be wonderful!
B: I don’t know what this is, but it looks amazing anyway! It looks like an ancient map or some other geeky item.
C: After people learn how to interact with the romantic hyperspace of the universe, their outlook on life changes drastically. That’s what I thought just now.
D: Tada! There are hand grips on the bed! It makes me tear up to know he was secretly training.
155 notes · View notes
yandereteentitans · 7 months
Text
Don't Let Me Down
Summary: Robin hates you, as you always cause trouble, but he has grown attached to your routine CW/TW: Enemies to Lovers, Really Short, Might make a part 2?
Tumblr media
Robin watches you wave him goodbye, before jumping off the roof. He quickly rushes to the side to see where you had gone, but you disappeared. He groaned, his fist clenching into the concrete of the roof, before he sighed and let go. It was late and there was no point in him worrying about you.
---
You watch the team closely as you sipped your lemon-flavored tea. The sweet-tangy flavor smoothed the ache in your throat from where the man of the hour had punched you. You had been low profile for a few weeks, bidding your time.
You can tell by the way Robin is tapping his foot and he can't seem to focus that he's bothered by it. You wondered what he was thinking, but then again he was never to hard to read.
You never disappeared for longer than a week, so he knew you were up to something bad- Probably something with Slade. God, he hated you and Slade working together; As the most difficult villains, it would only cause mass destruction if you two were in cahoots.
He knew he was being watched, but with the crowded diner, it was hard to determine who exactly was watching him. He could hear the team talking amongst themselves, but his mind was clearly somewhere else.
Suddenly, he made eye contact with a h/c haired girl. His brows scrunched together, but before he could piece together who she was, a burger was thrown at him. He groaned, looking over at the culprit. The meat rolled off his face, causing Robin to scowld.
"Sorry, Robin. I meant to hit Cyborg."
Suddenly a carrot hit Beastboy in the temple,
"Like that?"
Robin groans, but he turns back around. Expect when he tries finding the girl again, she was gone. He rubs his face, before sighing.
"Where is that waitress with the check?"
---
You clicked your heels against the side walk as you hum to yourself. The abandoned factory sat in front of you and you smiled when seeing a familiar face.
"Why, if it isn't my favorite little hero."
Robin steps into the light, his face stuffed into a frown. "Y/n."
You tilt your head, "Oh, the big bad super hero knows my name. It's not some big secret lover boy."
You raise your hand up, catching the boom-a-rang the man tried hitting with you.
"Nice try, Richard."
"I want to make a deal with you." He steps closer and you hum.
"I'm listening."
373 notes · View notes
runariya · 21 days
Text
My Beloved Villain (JJK) • Chapter 6
Tumblr media
pairing: hero!Jungkook x villain!female reader genre: dark romance, gore, villain!AU, hero!AU, slow burn rating: MDNI, 18+ warnings: DDDNE, foul language, denial, a little bit of fluff, drugging, detailed description of r@pe, blo0d, gore, punch!ng, carving, cum, anger issues, shur!ken, kick!ng, f!ghting, realisation, wishing of being d€ad, pls lmk if I forgot smth word count: ~ 4.2K
a/n: pls don't hate me—hate the characters instead 🙂
a/n 2: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. Content errors related to med school are not excluded. Please do not use this story as your own. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! 💕
prologue • 01 • 02 • 03 • 04 • 05 • masterlist • 07
Tumblr media
Two weeks go by, and with each passing day, you find yourself and Jungkook drawing nearer, though you had always believed, in the depth of your long friendship, that there was no further closeness to be gained. Yet still, there you are, sharing not just your days but, more often than not, your nights as well. There’s a certain way in which time fades into insignificance when you’re together, and though the light of day holds nearly no barriers for the way he maps your body, it’s the cloak of night that allows you to strip down more than just all of your clothes—it is there, in that twilight intimacy, that you feel you might finally be able to touch the entirety of his soul and him yours. He rearranges you completely in those moments, a cartographer of your flesh and spirit alike.
Taehyung, on the other hand, has had that difficult conversation with you far too many times to count—each instance his eyes filled with that same uncertainty, the struggle not only on his face but yours too as he questions whether telling Jungkook the truth, baring your past and present alike, is truly the right course of action. You’ve known for a long time it isn’t fair to leave Jungkook in the dark, not when this darkness is part of who you are, tethered to you in ways you sometimes wish it weren’t. It’s not easy to admit that parts of you have been moulded by decisions you never wished to make, paths you walked out of necessity rather than real choice. You can almost see how Jungkook might listen, his usual patient, understanding self—but with every moment you imagine his reaction, you also see him turning away, running when the truth becomes too much to bear.
And so, though you know you can’t be selfish in love—especially not when it’s him—each time you try to tell him, the words seem to stick in your throat like glue. You’ve tried so many times, only to falter at the last moment, unable to bear the idea of that carefree, incandescent smile slipping from his face. So, you promise yourself that you’ll tell him tomorrow, or maybe the day after. Always tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow, each new day bringing with it a fresh round of procrastination and a fresh wave of guilt for the secrets you continue to withhold.
Gradually, you convince yourself that your relationship hasn’t yet reached the point where it can withstand such a confession, blinding yourself to the reality that the beginning of love is precisely when such truths should come to light. And yet, deep down, you know you’re deceiving yourself, creating a shelter of denial in which you hide from the storm that must eventually break.
At the same time, you’re beginning to sense that Jungkook too harbours his own secrets. There are nights when he quietly slips away, his reasons vague and evasive. He doesn’t share everything, and you’ve noticed it. Sometimes, he avoids your bed, though he never quite admits why, sidestepping your questions with a soft smile or a gentle touch. It’s something you don’t press him on—those absences leave you with the solitude you need to focus on the darkness you still carry and use to scheme, to map out your next move, like a chess player preparing for the final play that will topple the board eventually.
Those nights, while Jungkook is elsewhere, you roam the shadowed streets and buildings around Dojin’s office, gathering information about him, timing Sangwook’s weakest moments too, plotting when and how both will fall. And sometimes, on those nights, you catch a glimpse of Pulse, who never comes close, but you feel his eyes on you, the burning of his gaze a silent threat to dare make a move. He watches from a distance, still a spectre lingering on the edge of your plans, and his presence haunts you—his gaze lingers on your skin and mind since two weeks ago, like a thorn embedded too deeply to remove.
But when the nights are spent in Jungkook’s arms, curled against his warmth, the world feels different—quieter, almost safe. You listen to his soft, steady breathing as he sleeps beside you, utterly unaware of the poison bubbling inside you. Yet even then, as his embrace cocoons you, your mind remains restless. You lie awake, feeling torn between two worlds, wondering whether the path you’ve chosen is worth the price you might have to pay. Are you wasting precious time revenging your beloved parents? Or are you, in some twisted way, moving closer to the freedom you crave?
You let yourself dream, if only for a moment, that perhaps the happy ending is simply the softening of your being, the ability to remain gentle despite the rough hands life has dealt you. Perhaps it is a calm nervous system, a peacefulness that cannot be threatened. Perhaps the happy ending is you moving on with Jungkook by your side, where you finally reclaim the love you’ve lost, but always wanted back. Perhaps the happy ending is you embracing change, is you going in the direction of the person that grows you and moves you and magnitates your spirit.
But even as you entertain that hopeful vision, a darker force pulls you back. It wraps around you like it’s one with you, refusing to let go, as though with every step you take towards Jungkook, it drags you back three. For every word of love he whispers to you, a thousand doubts rise in your mind. Each time he brings you to the peak of ecstasy, it only pushes you deeper into a chasm you fear you’ll never climb out of.
The silence that followed Chulsoo’s death—the way it was wiped clean from the media, hidden from view so as not to tarnish Dojin’s image—only served to feed the fire of your revenge. That burning desire for justice, or perhaps just for release, is still there, gnawing at you like an unquenchable hunger of thousand starved demons. And so, despite everything, you find yourself returning to your plans, hoping that, in the end, they will finally give you the salvation and freedom to carve out the future you so desperately desire with Jungkook.
And now, two weeks later, it’s all set. Every piece has fallen into place. You called in a favour with one of Seokjin’s IT specialists, a man who owed you a debt for helping his daughter years ago with her SATs. It was a small thing back then, but now, that kindness has ripened into something vital, something almost fated. He fabricated a message, making it seem as though Dojin himself had ordered Sangwook into a night shift at the office. You thought long and hard about how to exact your revenge, and the answer came to you like a whisper in the dark—a plan perfectly devised to balance the scales that tipped over so many years ago. 
So here you stand now, darkness flowing through your veins like it never has before, alive and pulsing and fatal. You’re in Dojin’s office, with Sangwook before you, drugged and unconscious in the chair, his head lolling to one side, bound by the anaesthetic you pilfered from the lab days ago. Everything is ready—the second scene has been set. And the only question that remains is whether, when the final scene comes to an end and all is said and done, will the path truly be cleared for the future you dream of with Jungkook by your side. But you lock that thought away, deliberately procrastinating again until your demon screams ‘action’. 
Sangwook hovers in the haze of barely held consciousness when your boot collides with his side, sending him sprawling to the floor with a graceless thud. His face catches the weight of the fall, and though a pained groan escapes him, you find yourself devoid of sympathy, feeling nothing but the cold resolve that fills the room like silent smoke. The office is as barren as you anticipated, a hollow shell of corporate sterility, its emptiness bearing silent witness to the reckoning about to unfold, a ghost of a place where no one will hear the echoes of what you are about to do.
“You know,” you murmur, your voice a dangerous lull that barely masks the venom beneath, “I saw you smiling while he raped her. Perhaps it’s time you discovered how it feels to be on the other side, hm?” You crouch beside him, your fingers ghosting over his cheek, now wet with drool and slack with stupor. His eyes, bleary and unfocused, swim beneath heavy lids, his breath a sickly rasp that rises and falls in broken stutters.
You kick him again, flipping him from his side to his stomach with the ease of someone handling dead weight. His groans are quieter now, more distant, but you pay them no mind. You’ve come prepared for this moment, the cable ties rigid in your hands as you bind his wrists behind him, securing them with an efficient brutality. Once the ties are tight enough, cutting into his skin with a satisfying snap, you shift his body once more, forcing his hips up so that he kneels with his face pressed into the cold, indifferent floor, his knees scraping against it with a dull sound. 
With a nudge of your foot, you spread his legs apart, widening the space between them as you reach into your hidden pocket and retrieve one of your shuriken. The blade gleams faintly in the low light as you slice through the fabric of his trousers and boxers, leaving his exposed ass an ugly, vulnerable thing that turns your stomach. You swallow the disgust, pushing it down, focusing instead on the cold fury that hums inside you like a living thing.
From another concealed pocket, you pull out an oversized black vibrator, letting it dangle in the air between your fingers like a grotesque trophy. You wave it lazily in front of Sangwook’s face, his glazed eyes flickering with some faint recognition. “Oh no,” you say, voice dripping with a mocking faux-innocence, “I think I forgot the lube.” You pout, a cruel smile twisting your lips that aren’t hidden by your mask. “Looks like history repeats itself more than I thought.”
You move back behind him, your heart beating calmly despite the anticipation of what you have prepared next. And with a force born of all the pent-up rage you’ve carried for so long, you ram the vibrator into his exposed asshole, not bothering with gentleness or care. 
The effect is immediate—Sangwook’s scream tears through the silence of the office, a visceral sound that cuts through the fog of drugs clouding his mind. His body convulses, buckling against the intrusion, but you press your hands into his hips, forcing him to remain in position as you reach for the duct tape from your pocket, securing the vibrator firmly in place. His flesh resists, bleeding around the object, the blood flowing freely, but you push it deeper still, the tape tightening until you’re certain it won’t budge.
The blood, the pain, his broken sobs—all of it comes together to create an image that stirs something dark and primal within you, something that has long been caged but now finally feels liberated. His pitiful sounds mirror the cries you remember, the cries that haunt you from this distant, unbearable night, and for the first time in so long, you feel a strange, twisted sense of peace begin to settle inside you. It’s a perverse kind of satisfaction, seeing him brought low, powerless, humiliated. His sobs fill the room like symphony meant for masses, and with every tear that falls from his face, with every tremor that wracks his body, you feel your breath coming a little easier, feel that demon within you finally soothe itself into something manageable.
You stand back, watching with a detached sense of curiosity as snot and tears pool beneath Sangwook’s face, mixing with the blood that drips steadily from his ass. His humiliation is complete—the blood, the shame, even his unwanted orgasm staining the floor beneath him, the fluids mingling into a sickening mess. He can barely withstand it anymore, and you sense that his endurance is nearing its end, the agony almost enough to make him pass out. Almost.
You step forward and rip the vibrator free from his body with a vicious yank, taking the duct tape with it, peeling away skin and hair in the process. The sound is gruesome, the ripping noise followed by another hoarse scream from Sangwook, his head lolling against the floor. The satisfaction swells inside you, filling the space in your chest that has long been empty, and for a brief, shimmering moment, it feels as though you’ve finally taken something back from the world that once stole everything from you.
But this isn’t the end—not yet. You can’t let this be another act buried by Dojin’s power, another silenced death hidden from the eyes of the world. So you push Sangwook’s slack body back onto the chair, his head rolling from side to side in drugged disorientation. You calculate the dose just right, ensuring that though his body is weakened, his mind remains painfully clear, aware of every agonising second.
“It felt good, didn’t it?” you mock, your laughter low and dripping with menace. You step closer, forcing his face upward until his dulled, tear-filled eyes meet your own, your gaze lifeless as steel. “You remember what happened after, don’t you?” His silence is met with a sneer as you push his face aside and reach for your shuriken once more, the blade glinting in your hand as you rip open his shirt, exposing the heaving rise and fall of his chest, every breath laboured and uneven. Blood still pours from the wounds you’ve already inflicted, but you don’t care. “But first, let me leave a note, yeah?” The blade hovers for a moment over his skin before you press it against him, carving deep, big letters into his chest with more force than necessary.
‘Father, don’t forgive them, for they know what they do.’
The blood spills over your writing, cascading down his body in thick rivulets, pooling once again on the floor beneath him, mingling with the other stains of his disgrace. You step back and admire your handiwork, feeling an odd, almost surreal sense of fulfilment as you gaze upon the wreckage you’ve created.
It feels like freedom—like the release you’ve been chasing for years. You don’t care if anyone else understands it, don’t care if Jungkook would understand. In this moment, the world shrinks to this room, to this man, to this beautifully orchestrated vengeance. And for the first time, you feel as though this is the right path, the only path that could ever set you free. You toss the bloodied shuriken to the ground with a resounding clang, the sound echoing in the hollow space like a final punctuation to this violent symphony.
And then, you strike—fist meeting flesh again and again, until Sangwook’s face is nothing but a pulpy mess of blood and bone beneath your knuckles. Each punch sends a wave of release through you, every hit drawing out the grief that’s lain dormant inside you for so long. Tears blur your vision, and you let them fall, unheeded, as you continue to rain down blow after blow, releasing years of pain in a single, savage outpouring.
But suddenly, the sound of faint movement is heard through your frenzy, and your instinct kicks in. You spin on your heel and release a shuriken in one fluid motion, sending it hurtling towards the intruder behind you. It misses its mark by a hair’s breadth, embedding itself into the wall beside Pulse’s head. He stands there, watching, his eyes wide with shock, his expression stricken. But despite everything, despite the violence, despite the blood, his gaze remains—soft, empathetic, as though he can still see something within you worth saving.
“What the hell do you want?” you scream, voice raw, feeling too close to madness, eyes narrowing at the sight of him standing there, his presence alone an irritant to your senses. The sight of Pulse—of this man, this moron—makes your blood boil with a heat that consumes every rational thought, every shred of patience you might’ve had left.
“You can still stop Stasis,” he says softly, his words slipping through the chaos like a breeze through fire, and there’s something infuriatingly calm in his tone that makes your fists curl tighter. “It’s not too late.”
“Shut the fuck up,” you snap, voice dripping with venom, “I don’t have time for your bullshit.” You spin back to Sangwook, channeling the surge of anger into your fists, striking him again—he groans, barely a sound escaping his bloodied lips, but it’s enough to quell the fire in your veins, if only for a fleeting moment.
“This isn’t the right way,” Pulse insists, his voice still thick with that maddening compassion, that softness you cannot bear to listen to any longer.
“Oh, fuck off!” you spit, turning back towards him, seething. “What the hell do you know about anything?”
“I don’t need to know everything,” he replies, his voice unwavering. “I only need to know that it’s not too late.”
“Not too late?!” you bark, flinging your arms into the air, exasperation dripping from every word. “Do you even hear yourself? Don’t waste my fucking time with this fuckery—go fetch some petty pickpockets if you’re feeling heroic.”
You start to turn away, fed up, ready to pour all your anger back into Sangwook’s trembling body, but Pulse’s voice hooks you mid-step, tugging at something inside you, and despite yourself knowing better, you pause, facing Pulse once more. He stands there, almost pleading with you, a figure so at odds with the carnage around him. “I can help you,” he says, voice much gentler now. “You don’t have to do this.”
A low, biting laugh slips from your throat, raw and empty, more like the growl of something wounded than the echo of any true amusement. “Help me?” you sneer, the corners of your mouth twisting into a cruel smile. “Oh, I’m doing just fine helping myself.”
“That’s not helping,” he says quietly, and there’s a softness to his words that feels like nails on a chalkboard, like he’s trying to pierce through the layers of darkness that have long since engulfed you. “If you could just—”
But you don’t let him finish. You spin around again, but this time something’s different. Something cold and sharp slashes through the air in your mind, halting you in your tracks. Sangwook sits still, the rise and fall of his chest no longer there, his eyes now glassy and fixed on nothing. It’s as though the world shifts beneath your feet. His wounds, they’ve finally claimed him, and you missed it—the exact moment when life left him, when that miserable soul slipped away.
“He’s dead,” you whisper, though the words are nothing more than a breath, laced with an anger so potent it seethes from your pores. The demon inside you roars with a feral intensity, its presence so loud, so overwhelming, you reckon the entire city must hear it. But your blood, it doesn’t run cold—not in the way people speak of fear or regret. No, your blood burns hotter than ever before, an inferno raging through your veins, pushing you beyond the boundaries of reason, of sanity, into a space where you never been before. 
“He’s dead!” you shout, the fury shaking your body and walls, vibrating through every nerve as you reach for your shuriken. One after another, you hurl them towards Pulse with reckless, unrestrained violence, each throw fuelled by the white-hot rage that blinds you to everything else but this freak standing before you. Most of them miss, slicing through the air uselessly, but one grazes his side, drawing blood and a sharp hiss from his lips. You see the pain flash in his eyes, but it’s not enough. “You fucking idiot!” you scream, voice cracking under the weight of your fury. “You had to ruin everything!”
You launch yourself at him, driven by that blinding fury, your body moving faster than your mind can comprehend. The force of your kick catches him squarely in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground, but Pulse—fuck him—manages to scramble back to his feet, dodging and deflecting every punch, every savage blow you aim at him and his stupid face. He’s skilled, a professional, and you can see that now in the way he moves with ease, with a calm that only makes the inferno within you rage hotter, more fiercely.
You land a hit against his face, a sharp crack against his cheekbone, and for a moment, his composure slips. His eyes narrow, the warmth in them replaced by a cold anger, a frustrated irritation that mirrors your own. And then, for the first time, he strikes back. His fist connects with the side of your head that makes your vision blur for a moment, but that’s all it is—a moment. You recover quickly, shaking off the dizziness, your lips curling into a smug smirk as you catch the flicker of disbelief in his gaze.
“Jealous it didn’t faze me?” you taunt, your voice dripping with poison ready to take him down, your breath coming fast and shallow, though you force it to remain steady, to keep the superiority alive.
“As if,” he growls, his tone clipped, though there’s a flicker of frustration behind his words, a crack in that calm façade he wears so well.
The fight escalates, a brutal dance of fists and kicks, bodies slamming into walls and furniture bruising you both more than the actual hits. He throws you around like you weigh nothing, a mere doll, but you hit back with equal force, aiming for his weak spots with precision born from years of knowing where it hurts most. You’re both panting heavily now, bruised and bloodied, but where his strength begins to wane, your twisted advantage of feeling no pain holds firm. 
“Give up Stasis,” Pulse gasps, his voice ragged with exhaustion, but still, there’s that damn plea in his tone, that maddening refusal to break.
“Never,” you spit, a wicked smile twisting your lips as you fling your last shuriken towards him. It grazes the edge of his face mask, slicing through the straps with a clean cut. The mask falls to the floor silently,  in slow motion, leaving his face exposed to the dim, flickering light of the room.
And in that moment, the world stops last. 
The air is sucked from your lungs as you stare at him, your heart plummeting into an abyss that you thought you’d already reached the bottom of. His face—his face is the face you know so well. A face you’ve kissed, a face you’ve held in your hands, a face that, until this moment, you believed belonged to someone pure, someone who hadn’t been touched by the darkness that now consumes you. Jungkook. It’s Jungkook standing before you, bruised, bloodied, and trying to stop you.
You take a step back, your limbs trembling with the force of the adrenaline still coursing through your veins, but more than that, they tremble with the force of your breaking heart. “No,” you whisper, barely audible, the word slipping from your lips like a plea to the universe itself. But Jungkook doesn’t hear it, or if he does, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t see the devastation in your eyes, the cracks forming in your soul as the reality of this nightmare sinks in.
“You’ve finally had enough, haven’t you?” he taunts, voice cold, cutting, as he steps towards you, uncaring that his mask has been stripped away. His steps are slow and menacing in a way you’ve never seen from him before.
You can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t seem to make sense of the world anymore. Jungkook—your Jungkook, your friend, your lover, the man who filled your life with light and warmth for years—is standing here as Pulse, the man who’s tried to stop you, to save you, from the path you’ve chosen. It breaks you, fracturing the remaining parts of your soul, and for the first time since your parents died, you feel as though you’re drowning all over again.
There’s nothing left to do, nothing that could possibly fix this, fix you both, nothing that could make the universe undo its cruel joke. So you do the only thing you can think of and what you should have done years ago—you run. You turn and bolt, fleeing from this nightmare, desperate to escape the truth that has gutted you so deeply you wish you had died with your parents. 
You run, hoping the darkness will swallow you whole before the pain can.
Tumblr media
prologue • 01 • 02 • 03 • 04 • 05 • masterlist • 07
a/n 3: hope you've enjoyed it👀 lmk what you think in any way you like! MBV-Game Part II:
a/n 4: please send me a message, ask or comment if you would like to be tagged for upcoming chapters 💕 also - character asks and drabble requests are open
Like what you read? Check out my other work here!
All Rights Reserved © @runariya 2024
taglist: @darkeneddiary, @dumbheadblog, @jksusawife, @jayhoneybeecomb, @kookienooki, @hagridshaircare 
55 notes · View notes
artsybug0 · 1 year
Note
Hey what specism or racism do puppets experience
Well! It's what you'd probably think!
Frillsand, aka the creator of the Actor Au, said that the Au is based off of both The Happytime Murders and Cats Don't Dance.
My main focus is on The Happytime Murders!
Tumblr media
(WARNING: THIS MOVIE CONTAINS VIOLENCE, ADULT FUN TIME, STRONG LANGUAGE, AND OVERALL IS A VERY RATED R MOVIE SO PLEASE KEEP ALL OF THAT IN MIND IF YOU WATCH IT. Though I do recommend it if you're unbothered by any of that because it's super funny and fun for me to watch😂)
Anyways! In the Actor Au, its world is pretty much like the world in this movie! (as far as I understand from talking with Frillsand! Of course, I might make some errors so it's always best to ask them these kinds of questions! But I think I know enough to answer this at least)
Puppets live alongside humans but are VERY CLEARLY treated as if they aren't exactly like humans besides appearance and how their bodies work.
Despite being just as intelligent as humans, puppets are treated really badly. Constantly being bad-mouthed right to their face. And having a difficult time just living. In the movie, puppets can't even be cops!
Besides starring in children's shows and or having very crappy jobs. They don't have many opportunities :(
Puppets often experience hate crimes against them, being insulted daily, having their body parts torn off, being fearful of dogs that might mistake them as chew toys, and being seen as very easy targets.
Of course, Humans still find appeals from puppets in “other” ways too.
Maybe you can see why Millie uses her looks to her advantage now?
She lives in a city full of cruel humans, it's a daily thing for her to at least experience some kind of racism or speciesm against her like at least three times.
It's difficult to get a good-paying job! Or just a job for that matter!
So once she fully realizes “Hey, I'm hot as fuck! Plenty of humans and puppets want me!” she fully uses that to her advantage. Giving herself a comfortable enough life that she doesn't stress about living on the streets and having to sell her body.
She was VERY fortunate to get that acting job (despite the fact she didn't even want it-) and currently is very well off thanks to Wally.
Again, I recommend watching this movie for a better understanding. Or better yet, ask Frillsand! I'm sure I made some kind of errors in the world-building! Or something might have changed! But I hope you helped you a bit!
Sorry if its a little confusing, I kinda just word-vomited on this😅
434 notes · View notes
sinfulsalutations · 8 months
Text
𝕓𝕒𝕕 𝕙𝕒𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⋆*・゚ 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕒𝕕 𝕓𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙
➼ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ☆ ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ ꜱᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛ
⋆ ★ ᴜʜ ʜᴇʀᴇ'ꜱ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ɴᴏɴꜱᴇɴꜱᴇ ɪ ꜱᴘᴇᴡᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ
⋆ ★ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3 ⋆*・゚ ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ ꜰᴏʀᴍ
Tumblr media
Hunter
The sergeant is very unruly in the bathroom.
He is the shittiest person to share a fresher with.
Somehow manages to leave the whole thing wet as he gets out of the shower, has hair all in the drains and clinging to the shower wall, and the mirror is totally fogged up to the point you have to air out the room for a solid few minutes.
All of his hair products and body care stuff also take up so much counter space, leaving barely enough for yours (which is much more minimal).
You’re trying your best to help Hunter implement new, better habits as time goes on, but it’s proving difficult.
He’d never believe you, but you might insist he’s this way because he likes to relax and not bother in the fresher, as it’s the only time for himself to truly unwind and enjoy himself.
But no. That can’t be the reason why. Right?
Tech
He is a CHRONIC nail biter and skin picker.
It’s just a constant fiddle thing.
Helps him focus on something but he also just gets picky with the state of his nails and the skin surrounding it.
Consistently gets to a point where the poor things are red and swollen and just look painful.
Subtly you try to make him stop; switching to a new soap, coating his nails with bad tasting polish and finish, etc.
It doesn’t work.
He somehow always manages to swerve around it and continue biting his nails.
One day you’ll find a strategy to get him to stop; hint, it might be letting him fiddle around with your hands a little…
Wrecker
Sloppy with food. Like, very sloppy.
If you hand him a full plate, a good portion of it will find its way onto the table, the floor, his pants, his shirt, and the surrounding area of his mouth.
He just can’t seem to keep it all in one place.
It’s not that big of a deal; if he’s truly conscious about it, he won’t actively make a mess (though he might still get some on his clothes and mouth), but a lot of the time, he isn’t.
Either way, it’s kind of charming. Seeing him snarf down food enthusiastically only fits so well with the rest of his character.
Crosshair
This man’s sleep schedule is fuuuuucked; more fucked than Tech’s, even.
He will go to bed early, wake up in the middle of night and stay up until the morning when he finally does fall asleep for a few hours but is forced to wake up and start the day.
Or alternatively, he’ll go to bed very late, sleep until noon, and spend his day taking minor naps only continuing his habit of sleeping later.
The worst part is he doesn’t make any effort to fix it and practically enables it.
What kind of fucked up form of masochism is this? you think.
He’s a quiet riser and sleeper so this habit of his manages not to affect anyone else, but it especially bothers you out of your care for crosshair and his well-being.
You might try and coax him to sleep and wake up at proper times with you, and it might work every now and then— but Crosshair’s sleep schedule doesn’t follow anyone’s orders.
Echo
This boy has really bad posture.
It’s not very obvious compared to Tech’s posture, but it causes him lots of shoulder and neck aches, especially when he’s sitting in the cockpit for too long.
You make jokes about getting him a back brace and he grumbles with a laugh, “I already got enough metal hooked up to me.”
Sometimes when you notice it and see him rubbing at his neck, you get his attention and sweetly tell him ‘shoulders up, love.’
Without fail, he does so with a soft smile and leans over to kiss your cheek as a way of thanking you for the reminder.
Tumblr media
ragu list: @starstofillmydream @pb-jellybeans @corrieguards @badbatchbabe @ladytano420 @jediknightjana @sleepycreativewriter @shinyshayminflower @thebahdbitch @secondaryrealm @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @dukeoftheblackstar @kimiheartblade @followthepurrgil @wolffegirlsunite @starrylothcat @sev-on-kamino @aconstructofamind @padawancat97 @littlemissmanga @starqueensthings @anxiouspineapple99 @freesia-writes @wings-and-beskar @clio3kantarella @secretthegriffin @idontgetanysleep @523rdrebel @dystopicjumpsuit @mandos-mind-trick @sunshinesdaydream @clonemedickix @andrakass2 @jesjestraverse @crosshairlovebot @wizardofrozz @dangraccoon @lickylickylicky @captainfresh501 @thebomb-diggity @urmomsmattress @jedi-hawkins @who-would-want-a-broken-heart @cw80831 @bluebird-dreams @ladyzirkonia @multi-fan-dom-madness @moonlightwarriorqueen @eyeluvmusic21 @mythical-illustrator @a-single-tulip
155 notes · View notes
pikatrainer99 · 6 months
Text
Kieran is autistic and you can't change my mind!
Okay, I KNOW that I'm not the only one who holds this headcanon...but I wanted to do an analysis on Kieran anyway, especially since my best friend @sinnohanvulpix said she'd love to see me do one. Credit to her for all the screenshots used btw. The GIFs on the other hand were either found on Google Images or created by me using gifrun.com and these YouTube videos:
youtube
I did not use my own footage for this at all...as proof here's what MY character in the game looks like...he has my real name but I tried to make him look like Orange which is why he has the orange eyes 😅
Tumblr media
(Sorry for the bad quality btw...taking pictures of my Switch screen is hard 😅)
Okay, now without further ado, let's get started with the analysis!
First, Kieran has a CLEAR special interest in Ogerpon, he admires and looks up to her, he was obsessed with the story of the ogre, he was always trying to go to her den and meet her, he has a meltdown when Ogerpon chooses the player over him, etc. Carmine even says that Kieran "really really REALLY likes the ogre" and that made me think, "Ah! Special interest!"
Tumblr media Tumblr media
And then at the end of the Teal Mask he gains a new special interest in getting stronger to beat the player...and he hyperfocuses HARD on that...to the point of it being detrimental to both his physical and mental health, as he was doing nothing but training during that time...he barely ate, barely slept, just trained...and that is not healthy. It's a rare example of media showcasing a special interest being unhealthy and absolutely CONSUMING one's life, and the consequences do actually show for it.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Kieran is very introverted and doesn't know how to make friends very well. I actually think the player is his first friend considering his surprised reaction when the player says they consider him a friend, and following this, he quickly becomes a bit...too attached to the player, as he doesn't quite understand how friendships work.
Tumblr media
(This is also such a neurodivergent way to say "I'm so happy I finally have a friend")
He also struggles socially, as is a requirement for autistic people to qualify for a diagnosis. Kieran specifically has a hard time reading social cues, he struggles with making eye contact, he has clear anxiety when talking to people as proven by his little stutter he has at times.
Tumblr media
(This is an adorable screenshot 🥺)
He also struggles with social and emotional processing (and might have alexithymia as well due to his sudden huge outbursts of emotion), and he also struggles with initiating conversation as well, as seen when he tries to talk to Penny at the League Club. They both have no idea how to even start a conversation with each other and it's honestly pretty adorable seeing the two quiet adorkable kids trying their best to hold conversation. I get it, you two, initiating conversation is really difficult for me too.
Also the way they try to start the conversation by talking about the weather...that's really funny and ironic to me because that's what NTs do all the time. NTs always use the weather as a small-talk conversation starter but NDs like me (and Kieran and Penny too apparently) just don't get that stuff.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
(These two are so neurodivergent it's great and I love them both 🥺)
Kieran also has four in-game animations that I personally see as stimming. The first one is him tapping his fist against his hip when he's thinking or nervous.
Tumblr media
(Focus your attention to his hand here and you'll see it.)
The second one is him playing with a strand of loose hair, usually when he's nervous.
Tumblr media
(The little nervous side glance at the player is relatable and adorable 🥺)
The third one is a more agitated stim that he only does ONCE in the entire game...and that is tapping the front of his foot on the ground. I do that myself when I'm agitated or impatient, somehow it's comforting, especially since for some reason I really like the way my shoes sound when I tap them on the ground... especially since I got my brand new Infernape-themed shoes, they sound extra satisfying because they're brand new.
Tumblr media
(This is not the way most people tap their foot...I've never seen an NT do it like this...only other NDs such as myself and one of my brothers)
The fourth and final one is, unfortunately, a stress stim...Kieran runs his hands very fast through his hair and it also looks like, to me anyway as someone who has self-injurious stims myself, that he is digging his nails into his scalp as well while doing that. I do something similar myself, though on top of running my hands through my hair and digging my nails into my scalp, I also pull at my hair...yeah... self-injurious stims are no joke...and I'm kinda glad Kieran's autism coding brings attention to that aspect of autism...at least in my eyes as someone who does those things myself.
Tumblr media
(He's in so much stress here, poor kid 😔)
Another aspect of autism that I'm surprised and kinda glad that Kieran exhibits as an autistic-coded character is meltdowns and shutdowns. Kieran has actual meltdowns in the game! This is something we have never seen in such an in-your-face way in any Pokémon game, and as someone who regularly has meltdowns myself, it hit me in the feels whenever I saw him having them. His first meltdown is in the Teal Mask when he steals the Teal Mask and runs off to Loyalty Plaza where he battles the player. He yells at Carmine and the player for treating him like an outcast...which is unfortunately something that happens to a lot of autistic people, myself included. Kieran screams at the player and Carmine for for lying to him while doing his stress stim, before running up to the Lousy Three's shrine and punching it, without any regard for his safety, which is also something autistic people may do during meltdowns...I know I have no regard for my safety during mine. After that's all over he gives the mask back to the player and goes home, leaving the player to talk to Carmine alone, who says that she's worried and thinks it's just "teen angst". When I saw that I was like, "...Uh, Carmine...I don't think it's just that, I think your brother is neurodivergent and really needs a lot of help and support because he's struggling a lot right now..."
Tumblr media Tumblr media
His second meltdown is also in the Teal Mask, when he wants Ogerpon to go with him but Ogerpon wants to go with the player...Kieran can't process that and doesn't understand how to take Ogerpon's feelings into account, instead demanding the player to battle him for the right to be Ogerpon's partner. He collapses on all fours after being defeated again, and it gets worse...he looks like he's crying while the player battles Ogerpon in order to catch her. After the player catches her, Kieran wonders why he can't be like the player, and runs off crying, locking himself in his room for the rest of the story. The end of the Teal Mask has him doing his stress stim while being consumed by a new special interest in a very detrimental way...that interest being becoming so strong that no one can defeat him...including the player.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Kieran's third meltdown is in the Indigo Disk, after the player defeats him in the championship match. That meltdown is a full-on cutscene, where it is CLEAR to see his spiraling mental state through the visuals, and he holds his hands on his head like he has a headache while trying to process the fact that he lost to the player AGAIN (which is also relatable as someone who struggles with processing difficulties myself...it really does give headaches and it is one of the worst feelings when I just can't process what's going on around me or the emotions I feel or anything really)...he collapses to his knees and looks like he's breathing very hard as he is so upset and distressed at this loss. It is definitely one of the most heartbreaking scenes for me because this is a CLEAR CUT MELTDOWN in my eyes and it hits me in the feels like a TRUCK to watch that cutscene.
Tumblr media
Also, in the Terapagos fight, Kieran has a bit of a shutdown for a bit, standing there frozen, thinking he's useless and can't do anything right (which is relatable as I have regular shutdowns as well, and I also constantly feel like I'm a failure of a human being who can't do anything right)...but let me tell you, when the player finally gets him to snap out of it and convinces him to help and he opens his eyes revealing that the light is back in his eyes as well as visible tears...I cheered (and teared up myself). My boy was back, and I was so happy.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
(When I first saw the tears I was like, "NOOOO don't cry Kieran! 😢)
Also in the Indigo Disk, Kieran seems completely different and "no longer like his usual self". His autistic traits are (mostly) nowhere to be seen as he becomes much more serious, angry, assertive,and aggressive. I personally see this as a persona he puts on by masking, which is common for autistic people to do. I myself can't mask, but Kieran definitely seems to be masking here by putting on this persona in order to get stronger and seem stronger as a person as well. This is NOT his real self, this is a FACADE!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
We see him start to drop the mask again in Area Zero when he says it seems like they're in a spy movie or something and how cool that is, but once the crack in his mask is pointed out he immediately puts it back on.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
After everything in the under depths ends, and you go back to Blueberry Academy, he drops the mask again completely, and goes back to his real, adorkable, relatable self...and stays that way from then on, which made me so relieved and happy.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
(This is my favorite cutscene in the entire DLC because of how adorable it is and also how neurodivergent Kieran is being here while apologizing for all he did 🥺)
In conclusion, I think Kieran is a great example of an autistic-coded character who has many relatable traits, and also does a good job showcasing some of the more "unpleasant and challenging behaviors and traits" (NTs use that terminology a lot, not me... that's how NTs unfortunately view NDs a lot of the time) of autism. I used to be afraid of him during the post-Teal Mask pre-Indigo Disk era but that was my trauma and PTSD talking (I talked about the emotional rollercoaster Kieran's story arc took me on in another post from last year after I finally worked up the courage to play the Indigo Disk...feel free to check that out too if you'd like). Now though I can wholeheartedly say that I love and appreciate Kieran a lot as a character, and his relatability is definitely a big part of why he is a big comfort character for me now (please Pokémon put him in Pokémon Masters EX, PLEASE I will literally cry from joy if he gets added to the game)!
Hope you all enjoyed this autistic person's analysis of yet ANOTHER autistic-coded character in Pokémon! I know I had A LOT to say but that just proves how relatable Kieran is, and I love him for that. Let me know what you think and if I missed anything in the comments below!
143 notes · View notes
the--artist · 12 days
Text
Donna Beneviento and her Dance with Duality - An Analysis
9/10/24
Pretext: Donna Beneviento (ドナ・ベネヴィエント) is a character from Resident Evil 8 - a horror, first-shooting video game. She is one of the four lords that you/the protag Ethan Winters have to fight to collect four flasks which contain the body parts for Ethan to resurrect his daughter. This game also includes the wildly popular - Lady Demitrescu - the huge vampire gothic lady who entranced everyone on the sexuality spectrum everywhere.
While the four lords, themselves, are the evil antagonists of the story, they all have sympthetic (and unsympethetic) backstories and reasoining for doing what they do. They are all campy and stupid as well as menacing and frighting. For this anlysis I want to focus on one my favorite character from all time - Donna Beneviento - the quiet doll maker and the second lord we have to defeat.
Before I get started, thank you @celezztia for motivating me to write this! You are great mutual. Also thanks to @krisssssssy as well!
Tumblr media
While it might not be as evident on the first watch/playthrough, Donna Beneviento walks this thin line with duality - a struggle and blessing for her. From her crest to her doll Angie, there are so many signs of an indecisive individual. Although her lack of screen time might make Beneviento seem boring or flat, there is a lot of pretext in her environment, personality, and choices that offer a lot to her character.
I wanted to write an analysis of this aspect of her and dive deep into what this could mean for Beneviento's character. Of course, there are plenty of different ways of interpreting her character since she is literally DROWNED in mystery, so feel free to criticize my analysis. I'd love to discuss it!!!
Angie Beneviento
...Okay, starting with the biggest showcase of this duality is Angie. Angie was a doll that Lady Beneviento got from her father and was very dear to her. She would play with it very often as she was lonely and cast out for having a scar on her face. Through the Gardner's Diary, we can see that Angie started to become more alive and alive after Donna was adopted.
Coming back to the present time, I think it's really interesting to question how Angie has SUCH a different personality from Donna. Is Angie Donna's split personality? Or is Angie just being 100% controlled by Donna - but just showcasing another aspect of Donna. The issue with this problem is that there is almost equal evidence for both sides of the argument.
During the final battle sequence, Donna is seen puppeteering Angie, and Angie then starts talking with Ethan. This could be used as proof that Angie needs Donna to function. Even during Ethan's trial, we see Donna with Angie. Donna has always been referred to as the puppeteer as well, which makes a lot of sense in this case. In scenes where we only interact with Angie, we can assume that Donna must be invisible and/or controlling Angie from a distance.
Proof that Angie is a separate person can reside in the fact that Angie is so much more loud, obnoxious, and berating than Donna. Donna struggles with talking as her voice is hoarse and dry - showcasing that she doesn't really speak - while Angie's voice is clear and loud. It also possible that the codou in Donna's brain allowed her to express a side of her that she felt she couldn't in the normal world, thereby creating Angie. It's also worth mentioning that Angie is never addressed as Donna in the game. Everyone mentions Donna and Angie separately.
The way the codou is unfortunately never really discussed, so it becomes very difficult to pinpoint how to treat Angie and Donna. But in both cases, they both showcase the duality of Benenviento. One quiet and calm (the Donna that everyone knows - including the gardener) and the loud Angie.
Tumblr media
[Donna picking up Angie]
Thinking about why Angie's personality is the way it also interests me a lot. Since one can assume Donna had always been quiet and shy (basically showing no characteristics of Angie) before the codou, it is really interesting to me how a character like Donna ends up jelling with Angie. Is it because Angie is incredibly determined, attention-grabbing, and dominant? Did Donna need a way to interact with others while still keeping her comfort and distance? From the gardener's diary, it doesn't seem abnormal for a child (or even a teen) to speak to a doll when they are lonely. But I would assume a doll like Angie would have become less obnoxious if Donna was using Angie for comfort, no? When making friends in-person or online, don't we seek familiarity with others? So why did Donna feel the need to make her best friend so different?
I personally lean into the theory that Donna must have not gotten much affection, attention, and comfort during her childhood. The isolation coming from the death of her parents as well as having no friends must have forced Donna to seek out a way to express that. When the cadou was implanted in Donna's brain, this desire (separated now from Donna or not) led these desires to resurface and help deal with her current situation. If Donna needs attention from Mother Miranda, she doesn't have to speak at all, Angie can do it for her. Angie can grab attention for her. Angie can intimidate Ethan for her. Angie can accomplish all these things for Donna without her actually having to interact with them. I believe that when Donna was playing with Angie all those years ago, she must have expressed that loneliness to Angie - resulting in who Angie is today.
Tumblr media
[Angie pushing Heisenburg and Demitrscu to fight, while a playful Donna watches her doll]
Beneviento's Design (feat Angie)
Alright!!! Now on to my favorite part of this analysis, Donna and Angie's design!
Tumblr media
It's no secret that Donna is dressed up in mourning attire and Angie is dressed in a wedding dress. But the duality between both of their outfits is so insane! The fact that Donna is wearing all black and is pale as the moon, while Angie has grey skin but wears all white? Both of their outfits look worn and old as well. They both share a marking on the right side of their face which has the codou implantation (Donna) and moon crescent (Angie). Donna is very beautiful but hides her face with a veil while Angie is less beautiful (please don't go after me!) but shows her face loud and clear. Donna is so afraid to be seen but is ironically being seen through Angie when you consider all the design elements they have in common.
One can assume Donna wears a mourning veil to showcase her constant mourning for Claudia Beneviento (...I might make another post on this idk yet on who I believe she could be) and her parents. There is so much death that this girl has experienced that it has put her in a constant state of mourning. There isn't any reason to feel happy for Donna. Claudia's grave is beautifully decorated that Donna cannot move on. We are never given the reason for the death of her parents, but by the fact that Lord Benenviento created a doll for his daughter, we can only assume that they were a very close and tight-knit family. It is very unfortunate that a child had to go through this much tragedy with only having her Gardner there as a comfort.
Angie is such a contrast to this. Angie is like a child. Angie represents birth and life. She is bright cheerful and lively. Despite being a nonliving doll, she has more "life" than Donna. Through all this death and tragedy Donna experienced, she can finally breathe the normality of life through Angie.
Tumblr media
[Please watch the RE8 puppet show, it is honestly so adorable!]
I wonder why Donna thought it was fitting to put Angie in a wedding dress? Did Donna dream of a wedding of her own? Was Claudia really Benviento's daughter? Why did Donna choose to celebrate life through Angie? I guess we might never know.
As mentioned previously, one commonality between Donna and Angie is their scar. It is just a hint of showing how divided they both are. The way they reflect each other here is adorable lol.
The Crest
Tumblr media
The sun and the moon as well as life/death are both extremely important themes to Donna Benevineto (shout out to Dua Lipa's Houdini who I associate Donna with). Both Angie and Donna are divided but complete together. In some ways it feels like Donna just be herself if not a "full character" she needs Angie to complete her. It is not just Donna, but Donna AND Angie. No matter how divided Benviento(s) is/are, they will always need the other part to be whole.
In a way, the Benviento crest cemented this way of thinking by showcasing the crest together. Angie as the Sun, and Donna as the Moon - together make up a whole. I always ponder if the other Benevientos also dealt with this duality, but that might be questions left for interpretation....
Thank you so much for reading this far if you did! I've been meaning to write on this topic since forever! Even though this analysis was decently long, there is still SO MUCH to dig into Donna. So many theories on who she really is and what happened to her. I will continue to write about her in the future.
47 notes · View notes
dxncingwithastrxnger · 2 months
Text
nightbringer's tango (Obey Me!)
Tumblr media
**SPOILERS FOR LESSON 12+ OF NIGHTBRINGER!!!**
A/N: This has been rolling around in my head for the past week or two and I had to get it out!! My first ever obey me content, hope y'all enjoy it <33
Pairing(s): Barbatos x MC
Summary: While MC is in a coma and most of the devildom is asleep, the royal butler has his own visit with the attendant
Tag(s): Yandere themes, stalker themes, think those are the only necessary tags
Word Count: 818
Song Inspiration: Stalker's Tango By Autoheart
Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own.
~*~
[Author Masterlist]
~*~
“Your happiness is also my own…”
Said the Nightbringer.
“No, seriously, what’s the catch?”
Asked the attendant.
“There is none, my dear. You’ll see soon enough.”
The Nightbringer’s voice fades with a chuckle, as does the void they meet within.
And now here you are, passed out cold within the confines of a bedroom which will not truly be yours for a long time coming. Then again, you aren’t quite that unaware, are you?
A smirk finds its way onto the timeless man’s face. How convenient it is that you’re here at the House of Lamentation with those brothers rather than that vile magician. It’d be a lot more difficult to check in on the attendant with him roaming around. But here, not even Lucifer has enough experience with his current senses to detect his presence in this form.
Not a creak nor a breeze out of place as the shadowy figure of whom one might know as a butler during any other time passes through the halls, towards a sleeping beauty. Stepping over the bodies of the sleeping brothers gathered right outside the door, slipping between a crack to enter the room and close it securely behind him and-
And there you are. So rarely has he had the time to just admire his love recently. What a whirlwind the life of an attendant is. It’s part of why you were sent here, after all. Your main focus hasn’t quite reached him yet. But he knows it will. It always does, which is why he’s okay with waiting. He doesn’t want half of your attention. He wants all of it. Every single ounce of your eyes on him and only him. And every piece of you within his very hands. To hold, to touch, to melt, mold, and reshape into the best version of yourself. That is what is at the end of this road you’re on. You don’t understand now, but you will.
But for now, here you and him are. He steps over to your bedside, looking down at you with shining eyes of adoration. He reaches up and pushes down his hood, revealing his face, and then removes his gloves, setting them beside your pillow for the moment. The demon kneels down beside your bed and reaches a hand up to brush against your cheek. He lets out a chuckle at the slight shiver that runs through your body at the touch.
“I know you’re awake, love. You can hear me, can’t you?” Nightbringer coos softly.
A twitch of the attendant’s eyelid.
“Ah, yes, there you are.” He starts gently tracing each feature of your face, starting with the outline of it. “How I’ve missed you so. Even someone like I, who can see all of time, feels as though it’s been forever since we’ve had a moment alone.”
Breath puffs from your lips slightly harder than before, then returns to normal. A huff?
“Ah, yes, I suppose there’s moments in the void. But we can hardly count those. We’re barely alone then and we can’t even physically touch. Not like right now.” Tracing your eyes and eyebrows now, leaning forward so that his breath fans across your skin.
“Look at you. You remind me of that one human fairytale. I’m sure you know the one.” Tracing the slope of your nose and around your mouth. “What do you say? Shall I be the prince that awakens you from your deep slumber?” His tone is filled with deep amusement.
His thumb running back and forth across your bottom lip lightly as he sighs, deflating slightly. “Alas, as much as I wish to, I cannot be the one to wake you up. That shall be the job of someone else.”
A sense of disappointment rolls off of you. He leans forward and gently presses his cool lips against your warm cheek. “No worries, you’ll be awoken soon. You won’t have to wait too much longer. Everything will play out exactly as it should.”
Another kiss to your temple and then to the top of your head. His hand leaves your face and instead reaches for your hand, twining your fingers together with his. “For now, let’s just hold each other, shall we?”
A slight squeeze of his hand in reply, the tiniest of noises, like words are trying to form.
“Sssshhhh, my love, I know. There is no need to waste energy on trying to speak.” A kiss to your nose now. “I already know how much you love me. And I love you just as much, you know that.” Finally, a kiss to your lips, followed by a sigh of contentment from the demon. “Just relax now, dear. We only have a few hours until morning.”
~*~
“Love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me more…”
~*~
A/N: How did I do?? What do we think?? Please let me know!! Thank you so much for reading!! 💜💜💜
57 notes · View notes
dilemmaontwolegs · 1 year
Text
Wild Nights || CL16 {Epilogue}
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x songstress!reader Summary: With a new album out it needs promoting and you find yourself missing Charles while you are in New York for a talkshow interview. Warnings: 18+only, flufffff WC: 1.1k
F1 Masterlist || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Epilogue
Tumblr media
February 2025 “I wish you were here,” you whispered into the phone that you weren’t supposed to have in the talk show studio. “I’m shaking like a leaf.”
“You’ll do great, my love,” he reassured you and you could hear a lot of background noise from the other people at the airport. “I’ll see you soon.”
No sooner had the call ended that the studio lights dimmed and the live audience fell silent.
“Now our next guest really needs no introduction,” Jimmy Fallon began to say while you nervously paced behind the curtain, until Bea pulled you to a stop, “her debut self-titled album went platinum and I have no doubt her new album, Safety Car, will be just as good. Please, put your hands together for Y/N.”
Bea gave you an encouraging push and you forced yourself to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. No matter how many times you took the stage for a concert, or an interview, you still found yourself nervous - but you equally loved the thrill that came with it.
Once you were sitting in the chair the jitters faded away and you fell into the rhythm of answering the questions he fired your way.
“So, Safety Car, talk me through this album. How did you come up with the name?”
“Obviously Charles is a huge part of my life, we have known each other for a couple of years now, and this album was made collaboratively with him. That’s all him on the piano with pieces that he composed, so the journey of this album gives a glimpse into that relationship we have, especially the ups and downs that come with life. 
“I’m not sure if you keep up with Formula One, Jimmy, but when there’s danger on the track they deploy a safety car to guide the drivers through that peril. This whole album is about being each other's safety car and helping navigate the other through those hard times.”
“Wow, that is so wholesome and sweet,” he gushed before looking down at his cue card. “But what exactly is ‘that relationship’? Because we know you and Charles are together, everyone and their dog knows you two are together, but there was never actually any announcement as such and now there’s rumours that you secretly tied the knot while you were at the Vegas Grand Prix this year?”
You tipped your head back with a laugh. “You’ll have to ask him that because I don’t think he ever officially asked me out. We kind of just collided and stayed that way.”
“So you aren’t together?” he gasped like it was some scandalous news but you just gave him a wink.
“We love each other dearly, I mean, we found each other when we were both going through a difficult time and helped each other to heal. Any chance we have at seeing each other we take but we have always been aware that the reality is that our lives are in very different places. Charles’ work takes him all over the world and with my second tour coming up there just aren't a lot of places where our lines intersect.” 
The crowd sighed sadly but you shrugged it off with a smile as you continued, “Neither of us would ask the other to give up on their dreams, that wouldn’t be love then, would it? It’s what inspired my first single Love Is Letting Go. Charles had an amazing 2024 season and has renewed his contract with Ferrari, and his dream is to win a championship with them in particular so he’s very focused on that for this coming year and I’m so proud of him. Maybe one day our lives will be at the same pace but for now we cherish the moments we do get.”
“Oh don’t we know it,” the host chuckled. “We have all seen the photos floating around whenever you two hit the town. Looks like you have some pretty wild nights out together.”
“We do have a lot of fun. Why not? Life’s too short, might as well be wild and free.”
“That is true, but are you free? How else do you explain this photo?”
A picture appeared on the screen that had been taken inside the infamous White Chapel in Las Vegas. It wasn’t exactly clear who was in the photo because of the costumes but it didn’t take a genius to work out who was standing at the altar getting married. 
Pierre’s brown hair stuck out the front of a slick jet-black coifed wig while Bea’s white halter dress barely contained her boobs as she twerked against him. It was a little harder to tell it was you and Charles in front of Arthur, who had bought an online Certificate of Ordination so he could be the celebrant. Your brother-in-law had spent so long trying to find a printer in the hotel that he was last to arrive and left with a Star Wars costume.
“Well, Jimmy, I believe that is Darth Vader, Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, and Bonnie and Clyde. And it looks like they are having one hell of a time.”
“That’s all you’re gonna give us?” he asked with a chuckle and mock disappointment as he shook his head. “Fine, fine. Can you at least give us a song?”
The small side stage was dark when you took your place at the microphone but when the lights came on and illuminated the piano it wasn’t Bea that was sitting there as planned.
The crowd screamed as they saw Charles and your eyes widened, a smile growing as you drank him in after a long two weeks apart. “You’re meant to be on a plane.”
“I got on an earlier one,” he said, the piano microphone picking up his soft words as he sent a wink to the camera, “so I could support my beautiful, talented wife.”
The air froze for a split second before chaos erupted and the audience cheered.
You looked across the stage at Jimmy as a smile broke on your face. “Uh-oh, busted!” You reached into your pocket and slipped the sedate diamond ring you had chosen, opting for something smaller than the huge rock that Charles would have gone for, and slipped it back on your finger that had felt empty without it. “I guess this makes us pretty official.”
Charles teased the crowd as he played the wedding march tune. “There was never any doubt in my mind.”
Tagging: @91vhs @alwaysclassyeagle @applespiez @ravenqueen27 @booksobsess @tempo-rary-fix @baw-sixteen @im-an-overthinker @notleclerc
796 notes · View notes
echobx · 6 months
Text
soulmates 2 - jj maybank x fem!reader
Tumblr media
summary: y/n faces her new reality and makes a tough decision
warnings: smut (masturbation), hurt/comfort, yelling, emotional turbulences (?)
word count: 2.9k
author's note: I wish I knew what I was doing ¯\_(ఠ ͟ʖ ఠ)_/¯
masterlist part 1
Tumblr media
Three flights of stairs up and through the door you walked past your mom and fell into your bed, crying.  “Did something happen?” she asked through the closed door. “Did he hurt you?”  “No, he didn't,” you cried and heard the door open and close, a few footsteps before she sat down by your side.  “Bean, what happened?” she asked sweetly and stroked over your hair as your face was still pressed into the pillows.  “I hate the universe, mom,” you mumbled and cried some more. The only thing that made it hurt less was that JJ didn't interrupt your thoughts.  “Oh baby,” she sighed and pulled you into a hug. You sniveled and she hugged you tighter. “Tell me.” 
You tried to collect your thoughts and focus on the words rather than your tears. “We were out for lunch and then- I don't know why now, why me, why him- I can't break his heart, mom, I just can't,” you cried.  “Oh, Bean, I'm so sorry,” she whispered and wiped your tears away. You were glad that she let you feel sad about it, although you knew she was probably internally screaming about how happy she was for you to find your person.  “How am I supposed to tell him?” you asked quietly, hoping for an easy answer.  “I never had to break up with someone, but I think being honest and gentle would be the best approach,” she suggested, and it hit you like a ton of bricks. She had never had to go through this heartbreak, this pain and feeling like you were betraying someone you thought you might love. For her, it had been a smooth slope from best friends to partners to the confirmation that she had always been meant for her dad.  “He wants to come over later,” you said sheepishly, unsure if it would actually be a good idea.  “Do you want him to?” she asked and brushed over your hair again.  “I don't know. My head is all over the place,” you admitted and she nodded.  “It's an adjustment, I know.”  “You already told Dad, didn't you,” you sighed, knowing well enough now that there was no way to conceal your thoughts from the other, especially when it was something this personal to either of you.  “Can't help it,” she admitted with a smile. 
“Tell me about him, not Kelce, I already know that one,” she chuckled. “I don't know that much. He's a waiter-” you wanted to keep talking, but JJ interrupted your thoughts. ‘And surfer, and most importantly a way better kisser than that Kook of yours.’ “Uhm, anyway,” you mumbled, and your mother couldn't help but smile as she saw how you were acting.  “You could invite him over, just to talk. I would like to get to know him,” she spoke quietly, as if she was scared that he would hear her, which was impossible.  “I don't know if that would be wise,” you whispered.  “You want to break up with Kelce first, I understand. I can only imagine how much that's going to hurt both of you,” she sighed and hugged you again.  ‘That feels weird. What's happening?’ JJ asked.  ‘I’m hugging my mom. Can you not spy on me right now?’ you snapped at him, maybe a bit too harsh, but he just chuckled.  ‘I’m trying very hard not to, but your emotional turbulence is making it difficult for me to remember the orders.’ “Sorry,” you said out loud, forgetting completely that he wasn't actually next to you.  “Why are you sorry? You don't have to be sorry for not being fond of breaking the boy's heart,” your mom said before realizing that you hadn't been talking to her. “Oh,” she exclaimed and smiled.  “I'm going to talk to him tonight, explain it all, and hopefully he won't hurt JJ,” you told your mom, making sure that JJ was aware too.  “I'm gonna be here for you, and your dad too. We won't let anything happen to you,” she assured you.  ‘Great, and I'll go break his ugly nose when he even tries to make you feel bad about this,’ JJ said and paired it with a memory of his fist connecting to Kelce’s jaw.  ‘Don’t show me shit like that, I still care about him,’ you told him as you watched your mom leave your room. ‘I don't want either of you getting hurt.’  ‘Fine.’ You could feel him rolling his eyes at you.  ‘Good,’ you hissed.  ‘Are you free tomorrow? We could go on a date,’ he suggested.  ‘First I have to deal with my boyfriend, then I can think of other things. Now shush, I have to think clearly,’ you shut him up, and he just laughed before leaving you to be by yourself. 
You texted Kelce to meet you for dinner at your place and then spent the remaining four hours in between figuring out how to explain it all without having to hurt him too much.  In the shower your mind slipped back to how JJ had looked at you, his comment about wanting to kiss you. You couldn't stop yourself from thinking about him, his physique, his eyes, his smile, his laugh, his voice that was even more attractive out loud than inside your head. You found yourself thrusting your own fingers into your pussy as he filled out your whole mind and being.  ‘Fuck princess, I'm trying to have a conversation with my friends. Can you stop thinking about how much you wanna fuck me?’ His daring laugh echoed in your mind as the hot water ran over your body.  Instead of stopping you decided to take a step further, picturing yourself in your favorite lingerie set, knowing well enough how much more difficult that would make it for him.  ‘Are you always this dirty?’ he asked, and you could feel him trying to control his thoughts, not wanting to let you see what he actually wanted to think of.  ‘No, but I'm very emotional,’ you replied and he chuckled.  ‘You really wanna fuck yourself while thinking about me before you break his heart? Do you even understand how hot that is?’ He sounded way needier than he had intended and a picture of his hands roaming your body, pressing you into the wall at the Country Club and kissing you appeared in your mind. But it wasn't your thought, no, and that made it even worse.  ‘I bet you taste even better than I can imagine,’ he growled, and you lost control over your own body. Your orgasm washed over you as you panted, your head leaning against the baby blue tiles.  ‘Did you just-’ He couldn't even finish his sentence as you cut him off.  ‘I trust you to never tell anyone about what just happened. No one! Ever!’ you urged.  ‘Why would I ever let anyone know?’  ‘I’ve never done that before, not like this,’ you admitted.  ‘I could make you feel even better, princess,” he mused, and you had to laugh.  ‘You can pick me up from school tomorrow, but only if tonight goes to plan. I hope it does,’ you thought to yourself and then a wave of warmth spread through your body. ‘Are we even now?’  ‘Yeah, next time you could warn me. I don't know how to explain that one to them,’ he said, and you could feel your heart beating a bit faster.  ‘You haven't told them yet?’ 
Instead of replying JJ just showed you a memory of his: He was sitting on a couch on a porch, looking out onto the march; a yard with hammocks hanging from an old tree, a hot tub and a pier with a small boat docked to it were in his eyesight before he turned his head to look at his friends.  “I never really believed in it anyway, are you sure?” JJ asked the curly haired boy.  “Am I sure?” the boy laughed, and a girl looked at him slightly disgusted.  “Yeah, are you, because I think it's bullshit. Sarah Cameron, the Kook Princess? Be for fucking real John B!” she snapped at him.  “Do I look like I have a choice? She's with Topper, you know how much that hurts?” You could hear the pain in John B's voice.  “You had a crush on her for years, it just seems too convenient to be true. It seems too perfect, and we all know the stats, okay?” Another boy, tall and dark skinned, spoke up.  “Pope is right, the odds are so low, you can't blame us for doubting it,” JJ said, and you could feel that he had wanted nothing more than to believe his best friend, but the other two brought up good arguments.  “You just don't get it, none of you will until you experience it yourself,” John B sounded angry as he got up and walked inside.  “Pretty slim chances,” JJ mumbled and the memory vanished. 
“Oh,” you sighed out loud and got the immense urge to hug him.  ‘Yeah, I don't want them to tear you to pieces,’ he admitted.  ‘But they don't know me,’ you thought, yet the unsettling feeling that they would hate you didn't leave you alone.  ‘I shouldn't have told you about that, not right now, not before- I'm sorry,’ he apologized. ‘Can you feel me hugging you?’ You had to laugh, because even though your connection with him got stronger with every single thought you shared, it was still not more than a cute phrase, yet it gave you hope.  ‘JJ?’ you asked after some time, and while trying to figure out what to wear.  ‘Yeah?’ he replied, while still only picturing himself holding you tightly.  ‘How does one break up with someone else?’ you asked and hoped he knew the answer.  ‘If it were me, I wouldn't want you to lie about it. I mean, it would be easier, but he's gonna find out anyway. You should tell him all, not just half of it,’ he was so calm about it that it made you not be as scared for what was to come.  ‘My mom wants to meet you,’ you let him know just to distract yourself while putting on your clothes; a pair of jeans and a hoodie.  ‘All right, but maybe not that quick. I think we should start slow,’ he told you, and you had to agree, it was all so very fast already. Just this morning you hadn't even thought about ever meeting your soulmate, and now you were about to break up with your boyfriend for said soulmate; it was all quite fast, actually.  ‘I will leave you to it, if you need me just call,’ he let you know before your mind went quiet again. 
You sat at the dinner table and watched your parents cook. They always cooked together, not losing a single word as they were inside their own bubble.  You admired them, how easy everything always seemed. They rarely ever fought, and you finally understood why, you could finally understand why your parents acted the way they did. And you hoped that you could be like this too, one day, to have a complete understanding between JJ and you, to never have to question your love because you could be certain he felt the same.  The knocking on the door ripped you out of your thoughts, and you jumped up, your parents turning around and giving you a warm, encouraging smile. 
“Hey,” you sighed as you looked at Kelce. He had brought you flowers, and you felt your heart breaking a little.  “I didn't know what to bring,” he said nervously. You had never seen him this nervous. “Are you feeling better?”  You nodded and let him inside, taking the flowers and putting them in a vase as he greeted your parents.  “Thank you for letting me have dinner with you, Mr. and Mrs. y/l/n,” he thanked them politely before taking his usual seat at the table.  “It's always a pleasure,” your dad replied, and you could see your mum hit him in the side and wondered what he might have thought about to cause her to do it.  ‘I don't know how to do this,’ you cried out for help and hoped that JJ could help you.  ‘I could come over, you just have to tell me where you live,” he suggested, and you were so lost in him that you didn't notice the water overflowing the vase and running down the drain.  “Honey,” your mom ripped you out of it and started taking care of the flowers for you.  “Sorry,” you mumbled.  ‘If you were in his shoes, would you want to eat before or rather after someone trampled on your heart?’ JJ asked, but you didn't have an answer for him.  “Before,” you whispered to yourself, looking down at your feet and Kelce looked at you confused.  You walked over to him and looked at him, feeling your heart squeeze at how horribly it would hurt to have to tell him the truth.  ‘All right, that hurts,’ JJ sighed.  ‘Sorry,’ you let it slip while trying to find the words you wanted to tell Kelce. 
‘Kelce, I have to talk to you about something important,’ JJ helped you out, and you simply repeated the words out loud.  “Is everything okay? You've been acting weird all day, sugar,” Kelce noted.  “Maybe we should go to my room,” you mumbled and walked to the back of the small flat and into the small room that you called your own. He followed you and placed himself on the edge of your bed after you had sat down in your desk chair.  “I don't- You have to understand that I didn't mean for this to happen, it was a mistake really,” you started talking and JJ interrupted you.  ‘You’re making it sound like you cheated on him. Very bad idea, princess.” “I mean, I had no say in it and I want to tell you before anything happens, before-” Your throat felt like it was closing up as you looked into his confused face.  “Y/n, what are you trying to tell me?” he asked quietly.  ‘Don’t forget to breathe, love,’ JJ whispered in your head, and you had to close your eyes to focus on the words.  “We have to break up,” you pressed out before opening your eyes and looking at the confused boy in front of you.  “What?” he asked.  “I can't be with you anymore, I'm sorry,” you said with a monotonous voice.  “Why?” Kelce was completely caught off guard. “I don't understand-” “It wasn't my choice, you have to understand-” you tried to explain yourself.  It seemed to dawn on him what had happened, and he got up and started pacing. “Who?” he suddenly snapped at you, and you flinched at the anger he had in his voice. You didn't want to tell him, not after he had just reacted like this.  “It doesn't matter who,” you whispered.  ‘I’m gonna kill him if he hurts you,’ JJ hissed because he could feel that the fear you were now experiencing was a different one than before. “I think it matters a lot,” Kelce barked at you and you flinched again.  “It's no one's fault. If I could change it I would, please believe me,” you told him but the way he was acting made you question what had ever made you feel drawn to him at all. 
“Who!” he demanded and got closer to you, your heart racing as your father ripped the door open.  “Step away, Kelce,” he told him calmly and the boy did as he was told.  “I deserve to know who it is, that's the least you could do,” he said in a broken voice.  “You will hurt him,” you whispered, and a tear ran down your cheek.  ‘Tell him. I can take care of myself. He won't let you go unless you tell him, and you can't lie either,’ JJ told you and your heart felt even heavier thinking about how much could go wrong.  “Promise me to not hurt him, please Kelce,” you begged and he nodded.  “Fine, I promise,” he rushed out the words.  “JJ-” You had barely managed to say his name as Kelce's fist found the wall and punched a hole into it.  “Out!” Your dad barked at him and pulled him away.  “JJ fucking Maybank? Are you kidding me? He's a fucking thief, y/n! He's nothing but a dirty Pogue!” he yelled back at you as your dad kicked him out.  “I'm sorry,” you cried out before falling into your mother's arms. “I'm so sorry.”  ‘Are you okay?’ JJ’s words melted into the ones of your mom.  “No,” you replied, and she hugged you tighter.  “Never liked him anyway,” your dad huffed.  “George!” your mom admonished him, but you had to laugh about it.  “What? Am I not allowed to be honest anymore,” he chuckled and joined into the hug. “I'm sorry, Bean. That wasn't as smooth as you had hoped.”  “No, it wasn't,” you mumbled, but your tears had already stopped flowing.  “I only made enough pasta for three anyway,” your mom whispered and the three of you started laughing.  ‘All right, what's happening? This is confusing me,’ JJ asked and instead of replying you just pictured yourself kissing his cheek.  ‘I guess I'll see you tomorrow after school, cupcake,’ he chuckled, and then he left you alone to have dinner with your parents and try to reconcile with all the feelings that you had had to deal with that day. 
Tumblr media
please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho
part 3
119 notes · View notes
Note
How can I overcome internalized fatphobia? How can I not hate what I look like when I'm fat?
This is going to be a different process for everyone, so I'm not sure what will work for you. I will let you know what worked for me, and hopefully you find it helpful.
Deprogramming Step One: Coming to grips with having been programmed in the first place. Beauty standards change from age to age, they are not inborn as far as our research is able to conclude. There's perhaps a weak preference for facial symmetry, but that's about it. Weight-based beauty standards have not only varied wildly through human history, they vary in our very own era, between-cultures. Often what we believe we find beautiful has been programmed into us from a very early age. There's no conspiracy, it's simply how cultural preferences are transmitted within-culture: through the adults we look up to, media, and reinforced by peers. That's not to say deprogramming is a simple matter. It's very difficult. I wonder now, almost 15 years after starting my own journey to deprogram myself, whether who I find beautiful or attractive is rooted in beauty standards I saw reflected as a kid or teen.
Deprogramming Step Two: Define and avoid thin-centric messaging. A big part of this for me was controlling the media I consumed. I unsubscribed to cable, for instance, because of the intrusive and omnipresent weight loss ads. That was 15 years ago, but it's surprising how similar some streaming services/channels are in terms of ad length and intrusiveness these days. Unfortunately, tiktoks/reels aren't entirely controllable. Even though I don't consume weight loss or diet content, weight loss/diet tiktoks/reels pop up occasionally. Besides ads, you should also consider whether your magazines, books, movies, and shows over-focus on the stories of thin people, or demonize fat people. Obviously, stop watching exploitative shows that turn the lives of fat people into sideshows or sob stories. More controversially, you might want to temporarily unsubscribe or mute fat activist content. Fat activism is a highly stressful space where we confront the hatred of fat people explicitly. It's not great for deprogramming thin-centric messaging, because fat activists will be talking about thin-centric messaging from a critical perspective. Take a break, for a while.
Deprogramming Step Three: Exposure to fat-positive content. This is the fun part of the process, where you get a chance to rewrite the aesthetic coding in your brain! I suggest searching out fat models who wear the kind of clothing you like, fat role models who share your interests, fat positive videos showcasing fat people doing amazing things, fat positive art, fat positive fiction and movies, and so on. Fatshion is full of fat positivity. Be wary of "body positive" content, as it can still be subtly or explicitly fatphobic. I warn you, after a few months of exposure to a different aesthetic, thin-centric media is gonna look hella strange. You'll go to see some romcom-flavor-of-the-month movie and be like, "Where are all the fat people? Why is everyone super skinny?"
Deprogramming Step Four: From theory to practice. This step is about starting to wear the clothes you want to wear, being loud and proud to exist as a fat person in public, being romantically bolder if romance is your thing, being more assertive and confident in your body, traveling to the places you've always wanted to go, doing things you were holding back doing before, etc. You may need to dwell in Step Three for a while, or revisit it over and again, in order to complete Step Four. This doesn't mean becoming an activist. This means becoming your authentic self without fat-related qualms. Yes, you will still be constrained by the greater world around you. Traveling, going out to eat, dating, interviewing for jobs, even going to a fucking concert will present constraints and bigotries that smaller people (everything else held equal) don't have to face. But you can now see them as constraints placed on you, not as constraints you place on yourself or that are in any way deserved. Hopefully, you will be able to face them without it destroying your sense of self-worth.
Deprogramming Step Five: The authentic self...? We know that as fat people we are not morally or otherwise inferior to thin(ner) people. So what does it mean to leave our best and most authentic lives, as fat people? This is the human question, that all humans share with each other equally. We are connected to each other, each on our own grand journey to answer this question. When you are able to separate the sociocultural difficulty of being a fat person in a fat-hating society from your own life journey, you have one less barrier to manage in answering the great human question. At this stage, you'll feel calm and comfortable in your body, and surprised when people point out your fatness or treat you differently for it. They're distracted by false moral categories, while you have better things to do. Does anyone ever permanently dwell in this stage? Probably not. But I feel like this most of the time, now. It takes a lot to drag me back into the world where one of the worst things you can call another human is "fatty." I've got books to read and write, math to learn, art to create. A life to live, where my possibilities are not defined by the size of my body.
-ArteToLife
269 notes · View notes