#so why assume they all went to school with the marauders?

[myfictionaldreams]

So I saw that you said you can take specific marauder requests. How about reader is insecure but the guys don't know it and she goes out to buy clothes and new lingerie that she thinks they might like because in her head she thinks if she doesn't look like the girls she researched they will leave her for either just eachother or all the other girls in the school. So when they are getting into it sirius realizes that she has a new bra (you can make up the rest of the scenario but preferably after he finds out she has a new bra angst happens and then fluffy smut and then the very end in fluff please)

What are you wearing? // Poly!Marauders x Fem!Reader

Summary: The latest lingerie trend did not look comfortable in any way but you still fell for the marketing and purchased your own, assuming that the boys would want you to dress like everyone else. However, when you decided to show off your outfit to Sirius, his reaction is anything but positive as he sees how uncomfortable you are.

Requested by: Thank you for answering my beck and call for a specific Marauders idea, I hope you enjoy your request!

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, angst, fluff (lots), foursome, self-doubt/low self-esteem, anxiety, crying/breakdown, pet names, making out, Remus has words of wisdom, discussing emotions, romantic gestures (a little cheesy), nipple play, body worship, dirty talk, teasing, begging, oral sex, fingering, possessive behaviour, restraints, praise kink, daddy kink, size kink (!), creampie, rough sex

Words: 8k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

It was the latest fashion, created by muggles to wear luxurious, expensive lingerie bodysuits that uncomfortably hugged curves and pushed your breasts into busty mounds that they unnaturally did not sit at. However from the whispers from other students as they secretly hide in corners, sharing magazines and boasting about which woman looked best in the underwear, it was what was the latest fashion and everyone seemed to be loving it. So despite the discomfort, despite the desire to itch your skin against the lace around your hips, you kept the lingerie under your uniform, hoping to surprise one of the boys throughout the day.

It wasn’t that you never wore nice underwear, usually, it was a simple lace bra that softly cupped your breasts, the material transparent enough that your areolas were visible and had your boyfriends dropping to their knees to beg at touching and worshipping your body.

But like previously mentioned, this new style of lingerie was apparently very in right now and you wanted to keep up with the latest trends, even more so to please Remus, James and Sirius. It was hard enough pleasing one boyfriend but three? It felt like endless pressure to keep up, even though you knew that feeling was only from the little devil on your shoulder, the one that spouted negative thoughts that you were never enough.

It was nothing on behalf of your boyfriend’s to make you feel this way. In fact, they always went above and beyond to show you how much you were truly loved. But then that voice in the back of your mind would come back, reminding you that they were the most popular men in school, had endless other students lusting over them and it felt like you were competing, even though you already had the prize.

So this was why you had decided to splash the cash on the expensive muggle lingerie and hide it beneath your uniform, hoping to keep the relationship exciting and alive with the hopes that one of your boyfriends would pull you into a spare cupboard and find the present beneath your button up shirt.

This came in the shape of Sirius Black who promptly entwined your fingers together after class, carrying both your bag and his on his shoulder and tugging you down a deserted corridor and into a dusty, dimly light classroom. Sirius may have come across to others as coming from a pure-blooded family and always pristinely dressed, but beneath all of that was his rebellious side. The part of him that wanted it dirty and rough and everything that didn’t match his exterior.

He dropped the bags onto the floor, causing a cloud of dust to waft into the air but that didn’t stop his movements as he pulled you further into the room, not even bothering to lock the door, another one of his little ‘Sirius’ things, loving the thought of being caught. As usual, your adrenaline was pumping through your veins, feeling giddy and ready to do whatever Sirius wanted, just needing to be close to him, to feel his hands on your body, his lips against your skin.

“Come here Darling, up on top”, Sirius patted the sizeable oak desk that was in the centre of the room, even bothering to wipe his hand across to create an area that was without dust, the perfect area for you to come and sit on.

Jumping up with the help of Sirius’ big hands on your waist, you sat on the edge of the desk, your skirt hiking up slightly so that the brisk wood nipped against the backs of your thighs. This didn’t stop you from spreading them, making room for your boyfriend as he slide his hands to cup your cheek.

Sirius’ citrus scent from his hair caressed your cheeks as he leaned down to capture your lips, urgent and devouring, leaving you breathless and grasping to hold onto his shirt. He had full control with his grip on your face, tilting your head so that he could deepen the kiss, tongue slipping into your open mouth, dancing to taste your spit.

A moan bubbled in the back of your throat as he moved his body closer, his crotch pushing against yours as your legs hooked around the back of his knees. You were thoroughly and utterly consumed by him, breathing in the air from his mouth, the taste and smell of him, his warmth seeping into your skin. There was one thing you would never deny and that was how consumed you were by him, by each of your boyfriends, you had been since day one.

Sirius released his hold on your face with one hand but only because he needed to touch your skin, squeezing the soft area of your thigh and stroking up, further pushing your skirt to reveal the entire length of your leg. He didn’t stop though, exploring with a firm touch over your skirt and beneath the hem of your shirt, with the intent to pull your hips closer to rub his tented crotch harder against yours.

But then he suddenly froze, lips unmoving and a confused frown evidently etched into his handsome features as he pulled away to look down at where his fingers were feeling a strange material under your clothes.

You’d forgotten about your plan, through the lust-filled kisses and touches, it had slipped your mind what you were wearing.

Before Sirius could verbally ask what it was that he was feeling, you quickly beat him to it by breathlessly explaining, “I had a surprise”. With the adrenaline still pumping through your body, your fingers were shaking delicately as you removed your tie and unbuttoned your shirt, pushing the white material off of your shoulders, revealing the majority of the lingerie bodysuit.

Looking up at him through your eyelashes, attempting to look seductive whilst further pushing your elbows underneath your already pushed-up breasts.

You weren’t sure exactly what reaction you were expecting, maybe a horny curse or a hunger search of your body with his eyes, but you certainly weren’t expecting him to ask in a disdained tone, “What are you wearing?”

Sirius lifted the hand that had been resting on your hip, up to the tight material on your chest, trying to slip his finger between your breast and the lingerie but unable to do so with how tight and uncomfortable the bodysuit was.

“I thought you’d like it”, you say earnestly, trying to keep the simmering panic at bay that was beginning to pound into your heart. Sirius’ confusion only increased as the line between his furrowed brows deepened, a single step back to put some distance between the two of you, your legs dropping to dangle over the edge of the desk again as he looked over what you were wearing.

“Why would you wear something like that? Are you even comfortable in it?” he asks with a hint of distaste, something you hadn’t anticipated for him to sound like at all. 

You begin to stutter over your words, losing the confident seduction you’d been attempting to play off. “It’s…it’s not supposed rt to be comfortable, I wanted to look nice for you”.

This response only seemed to further upset Sirius as his eyes refused to meet yours, remaining only on the extravagant lingerie. “But you always look nice, you didn’t have to do this!” The rise of his voice startled you enough to quickly shrug the shirt back up your arms, crossing the material across your chest so that you were covered once more. Sirius finally snapped out of his upset to look into your eyes, the frown relaxing a touch so that he could slowly explain, “Sweetheart, you know you don’t have to dress a certain way to impress me, you know that”.

Embarrassment pooled in your stomach causing you to feel burning hot and slightly nauseous. Of all the reactions you expected, it wasn’t this. Yes, you may be dressing completely out of your comfort zone and only doing it to make the boys happy but you had to make an effort and this was the only way you thought how.

You tried to keep your voice from wavering as you explained, “Yes, but I just wanted to make a little bit of an effort. Anyway, everyone else has been wearing this sort of thing or enjoying the look of it. And I just thought you wouldn’t-”, your mouth slammed shut with an audible snap as you tried to keep the truth spilling from your lips.

Tears were beginning to line the corner of your eyes, threatening to spill over as you hastily began to fasten the buttons on your shirt, eyes on your fingers and not daring to look up at your boyfriend.

You’d hoped that Sirius would let it go, the words and the bodysuit, maybe you could jump off the desk, find somewhere to remove the lingerie and it never be spoken about again. However, this of course was wishful thinking on your part as Sirius’ voice had dropped an octave as he asked, “I wouldn’t…what? Finish what you were about to say.”

Blatantly ignoring his questioning, you had finished buttoning your top, turning to look for the tie that you’d haphazardly discarded behind you on the desk but in the low lighting, it was hard to see, especially as the tears began to slip down your cheeks.

Sirius closed the gap between your bodies again, his hand gently cupping your jaw to tilt it in his direction, his eyes glazed in worry as he noticed your tears, quickly swiping them away with his thumb. “Tell me”, he encouraged but you could still hear the strain at the back of his throat.

It was like a dam opened within you, that small hope on the restraint that you had snapped. “That you wouldn’t be interested in me anymore if I didn’t try and keep up with the trends of what's hot. Or that if I didn’t try, you’d all think you’re missing out on something so yes, this bodysuit is a little uncomfortable but I just wanted to impress you all so you didn’t think I wasn’t attractive or that you’d fall out of love with me because someone else looked more sexy or was willing to dress in all of these stupid outfits! I just wanted to make you all happy ”.

There it was, the devil on your shoulder, speaking your inner-most demons, laid completely bare in front of you. Fear after fear spilt from your lips, once you’d started you couldn’t stop, even though you were becoming hysteric, the escalation of the situation was just making you freak out more. You were full-on sobbing by this point, tears dampening the collar of your shirt and shoulders hunched as you sucked in deep shattering breaths.

The walls felt too close, the air too thick. You needed to get out, need to get away from Sirius, not wanting to even look at him to see the disappointment you were sure covered his face. Using your body for momentum, you pushed him back as you jumped off of the desk and stepped towards the door.

However a gentle but firm hand wrapped around your shoulder, halting your movements as Sirius’s concerned voice begged, “Please don’t go, we need to talk about this Darling”.

This wasn’t what you wanted right now, you didn’t want to talk, scared that your spiralling thoughts might be a reality, your consciousness being your worst enemy at that moment as you shrugged out of his grasp. “I just need a minute”. You sounded broken and another sob shook your shoulders as you didn’t look back. Not bothering to pick up your bag or find your lost tie you rushed out of the door, and the sick feeling in your stomach only increased when you heard Sirius yell and kick his frustrations out against a table as he let you walk away.

You weren’t entirely sure where you were going, keeping your head low so as to not have questioning looks as to why you were crying and scared you’d run into one of your friends or worse Remus or James. There were so many students in the corridors and you desperately needed an escape and ran in the direction of where there were only a limited amount of people as fresh air crisped against your wet cheeks as you rushed outside.

For a moment you contemplated sneaking to the shrieking shack, knowing that you could curl into a ball underneath the sheets of the master bed there but that would also be the first place that the boys checked other than the Gryffindor common room. Furthermore, you needed somewhere outside, need to feel the sun on your face and a sense of calm so you half jogged to one of your favourite spots in Hogwarts.

It was the one place you truly felt at peace and somewhere you’d stumbled upon once when exploring the Hogwarts grounds in your first year. A luscious green cliff edge that overlooked the lake and Scottish mountains and, what made it so special was that when the sun began to set, it was the perfect spot for the golden hour of beautiful sunshine. The very last piece of land that the sun-kissed before it disappeared over the mountains.

This was where you crumpled onto the grass, tucking your knees in close, hiding your face within them and wrapping your arms around tightly so you were now in a little ball. There you sat and you cried. For the embarrassment, anxiety-ridden and uncertainty as to what happened now. You didn’t want to go back to Hogwarts, maybe it was better if you just stayed in that little spot forever you contemplated dramatically.

You were unsure how much time had passed but the air was beginning to chill as the sun dropped further in the sky. There were no more tears, but your breaths were still ragged, your eyes sore as you looked across the lake, and your body trembling through exhaustion and still, above all of that, you couldn’t stop thinking about how uncomfortable the stupid bodysuit was under your uniform.

Footsteps suddenly crunched against the crisp grass and you tried not to stiffen at the unknown arrival. But with each step, you knew from the slight limp who exactly it was as Remus sat beside you, his legs crossed underneath him as you automatically moved your face to look away from him, not wanting him to see the mess you’d become.

“Don’t”, he insisted. “Don’t do that, don’t hide away from me, my love. Come here”, he encouraged, his heavy hand resting against your shoulder and tugging your body towards his. You succumb easily, releasing the grip around your knees so that you could lie your head against his lap, his hand remaining on your shoulder giving you warmth and comfort as his other hand stroked through your hair and he simply lets you cry.

Remus began to talk, lowly and calmly into your ear as he helped you through your overwhelming emotions. “It’s more than just the fancy underwear, isn’t it? Listen to me Love, we all have our insecurities that bubble away underneath our skin but we can’t let those negative thoughts win. We deserve happiness. YOU deserve happiness.”

Your sobs calmed down enough that you were just lightly hiccuping, not even bothering to wipe away your tears as his trousers absorbed the wetness. Remus lowered his head, to gently kiss the side of yours before he continued. “I know sometimes our minds are louder than our hearts so even if I tell you, how much I truly adore you, that sometimes you won’t comprehend how much it is true. But please, Sweetheart, understand that… you’re my family. You, Sirius and James. Without you three, I have no one and I don’t want you to think you’re anything else but my entire world. You could dress in the old linen from a house elf and I would still love everything about you. I don’t need you to be dressed in the latest fashion or clothes that are evidently uncomfortable. I want you to be happy, we ALL want you to be happy”.

Your heart was pounding for another reason now as you couldn’t bare to not be touching Remus, needing more than anything to show him how much you appreciated him, loved him with just as much passion as the words that he spoke. So without another word, you rushed to sit up and climb into his lap, straddling your thighs over his, shaking fingers cupping his scarred face to hold him still as you kissed him deeply.

It wasn’t like the same sort of passionate, devouring kiss with Sirius earlier in the day in that forgotten classroom. This was passionate in a way that the world began and ended with each other, that you need to show your love and appreciation with your lips where words would surely fail you. Remus was always the one to have the best advice, to be able to talk the others around when in a low mood, he just always seemed to know the exact right thing to say.

As both of your lungs burned for air, you pull from the kiss but only to lean your forehead against his, warm breath fanning across his face as he wiped away the stains of the tears, “I love you, Remus Lupin”.

“I love you too”.

The sun had now cascaded behind the mountains, leaving an orange hue in the sky as everywhere else began to fall into shadow. The air instantly cooled but you didn’t care, especially not with Remus who ran at a fevered temperature due to his lycanthropy. The two of you stayed like that until you felt comfortable enough to risk glancing over his shoulder, towards the lining of trees from the forbidden forest.

“They aren’t here”, Remus informed you, kissing your cheek gently and wrapping his arms around your waist to hold you closer.

You weren’t sure if you should be relieved or not at hearing that Sirius and James didn’t accompany Remus. “Where are they?”, you asked quietly, leaning your head against his shoulder, suddenly feeling exhausted after your breakdown.

Remus took more than a moment to answer like he was trying to decide how much he should tell you before finally deciding. “They’re both back in the dormitory, sorting out a little surprise for you”.

Your heart seemed to skip a beat, that they were doing something nice even after the way you’d spoken and reacted to Sirius. “I feel bad I stormed away from Sirius”, you admitted to Remus, pulling away from his shoulder to play with the end of his tie.

Remus offered you a shrug, “He’ll get over it. I think he was more upset that he didn’t know how to process that you weren’t comfortable and doing all of this for his benefit. And that he struggled to find the right words to say without sounding pissed off and couldn’t fix the situation before you left”.

You nod, risking a glance up towards Remus’ face and relieved to find him looking at you still in a relaxed way and you knew he really wasn’t annoyed like you thought he would be. “And James, is he ok?”

Remus nods, kissing the tip of your nose and pulling a smile from your lips, “He’s hurt like Sirius and I, that you’d been feeling this way without speaking to us, he wanted to fly down here as soon as Sirius found us but I knew you needed some time to yourself”.

“Thank you”. You hoped that he understood that you were saying that for more than one reason, for everything and by the twinkle returning to his eyes, the life that was sparking once more as he pecked your lips gently, you knew he understood.

“Come on, let’s not leave them any longer”.

Remus helped you to stand and the two of you took a leisurely stroll, hand in hand, back up to the castle, you’d missed dinner but Remus insisted that he’d go and get you something to eat after your surprise.

The surprise was entirely romantic and your chest warmed with love as you looked at the dormitory that you shared with the boys. There were different-shaped candles floating around the room, Remus’ record player in the corner at a low volume with the latest Bowie track that the boys loved and rose petals were scattered across the floor and freshly made bed but the petals had been enchanted to change colour and shimmer in the candlelight.

A sweet, thankful gasp was just about to spill from your lips but it was quickly replaced with a shocked laugh, your hand covering your mouth to hide your grin as Sirius and James stepped out of the bathroom. They were completely nude, except for the black lacy tight underwear that hardly covered their genitals, and nicely tied off with a pretty pink bow over where their cocks were.

The two of them stood proudly, abs tense to show off and flex as much as possible, a wide stance and arms behind their backs as they both grinned cheekily at you. “What…? What are you both wearing?!” you couldn’t help but giggle as you stepped closer and out of Remus’ reach, only for him to start taking off his clothes too.

You turned to watch, eyes wide as he too was wearing the skimpy underwear that seemed to hardly be covering him at all with his cock at half-mast. “Wait, have you had them on this entire time?” you asked dumbfoundedly, trying not to stare at the ridiculousness of the tiny little outfits.

“Oh I have indeed, can’t tell you how far they’ve been wedged up my arse but beauty is pain right?” he joked, subtly trying to pull the material from between his cheeks to relieve the tightness there.

You watched as Remus brushed past to stand next to Sirius who now stood in the middle of him and James, his grin softening to a knowing smile as you also moved closer to them. Once you were close enough did he tip your chin back, “Do you only love us more because of these outfits? Or would you say you loved us regardless of what we are wearing”.

The penny dropped as you now realised why they were wearing the uncomfortable-looking, ridiculously scandalous underwear. Your shoulders dropped in defeat, giving him a knowing look as you shook your head no. “Exactly. This is how we feel for you, I don’t want you to shut us out again or doubt our feelings for you. If you ever have a thought like this again, I need you to come to us, and talk because that's healthy and normal in relationships. Don’t bottle it up and don’t shut us out and please, don’t walk away from me again, I couldn’t bare it”.

You reached up to take his hand, moving it from your chin to nuzzle your cheek into it, kissing his palm as you promised, “I won’t do it again, I’m sorry I did all of those things and made you all worry. I love you, everything about you, without the outfits”, you emphasise with a smile. “They don’t look comfortable at all”, you say with a giggle, noticing James trying to give his cock more room in the confinement of the lingerie.

“Think I’ve got as much room as your tits which reminds me, we need to release them from their prison!”, Sirius joked, his fingers reaching to begin unbuttoning your shirt and then pushing it over your shoulders.

Remus stepped up behind you, his naked back flush against yours, “oh Pup, this doesn’t look comfortable at all”, he chastised in a low voice, beginning to unzip you from behind. The relief was immediate as Sirius helped him by pushing the loosened straps from your shoulders and you audibly sighed as the warm air kissed your now exposed breasts.

“There are my girls”, Sirius mumbled, his thumb brushing against the nipple of your right breast causing it to pebble before his mouth dropped to lick and suck on the sensitive bud. Before you could properly lean into the touch, James’ tuft of hair was soon at the same level as Sirius's as he did the same to your left nipple, suckling it into his mouth before flattening his tongue against it. Your back arched, hands delving into both men’s soft hair, gripping and holding them close as arousal struck through your core.

The remainder of your clothes soon pooled around your feet on the floor, Remus even helping to unbuckle your shoes until you were left in nothing but your white frilly socks as Remus had effortlessly removed the rest of the lingerie and skirt.

The moments like this, when they were so doting and loving that you almost felt overwhelmed because you wanted to return that love and affection to all of them at the same time but with only two hands, it was challenging to do. So you decided to concentrate on the two boys attached to your front, who were nipping and teasing your tender nipples, sucking them into peaks before laying them flat with the push of their tongues.

The grip you held on their hair reluctantly relaxed and tried to do a different exploration, over their shoulders, feeling this leanness of James and the muscles of Sirius from where he trained as Beater for the quidditch team. Lower still your nimble fingers travelled to their chests, feeling the sprinkling of hair that curled over their pecks and then still further down with the goal to reach the hem of their underwear. However, in the position, you could only react to James who seemed to realise your goal and pushed his body more towards yours.

Your fingertips ran along the hem of the tight underwear and then halted as James shuddered under the touch as you stroked over his tip that had bulged out as he became increasingly harder with nowhere else to go. As you teased his tip, James began to kiss up your body, particularly over the indents over your chest from where the bodysuit had pushed your breasts up, and he didn’t stop until he was next to your ear, still needing to bend down because of the height difference.

James did not move with urgency, even though his hips were bucking under the tease of your fingers. With one cupping your jaw, tilting your face away and the other hand gripping onto your waist, James began to kiss along the column of your neck, over the sensitive little spots that had your knees weak and more heat pooling in between your legs.

Remus on the other hand now stood next to you, his fingers stroking down your jaw to grasp your attention which you gave him, looking up at him with wide eyes and bottom lip stuck between your teeth. “I want you to listen to me carefully ok? There will be no rushing tonight, our goal is to please YOU, and only you. I want to hear every little moan and cry that you have so there’s no need to bite your lip, my love. I want this pretty mouth open and begging for more, do you understand?”

You couldn’t think of words that made any sense like a thick warm blanket of fuzzy arousal clouded your thoughts so all you could respond to Remus was a desperate nod of the head and a throaty moan.

“Good. Now tell me, just before we start.  Who do you belong to?”

James and Sirius stopped the teasing with their mouths so that they could hear you answer, needing to hear it, for their own sanity and possessive natures.

“You, I belong to all of you”, you breathlessly answered, still looking up into Remus’ green eyes that always reminded you of spring, hypnotised completely by him.

“That’s right”, he praised delicately still stroking down the side of your face. “And, who do we  belong to?”

“Me”, your answer was quieter, heart pounding at having to say it out loud as you knew that he was only getting you to say it to remind you that your freakout today was unwarranted and you should always know that they’re yours.

Remus tilted an eyebrow up, his hair falling slightly over his eyes as he didn’t seem satisfied with the answer. “Excuse me,  I didn’t quite hear that”.

You refrained from huffing in embarrassment as you repeated yourself at a louder volume, “You all belong to me, to each other”.

This was the answer he was looking for as his lips curled into a gentle smile and then opened as he was going to continue talking but James seemed to snap hearing those words as the hand on your jaw pushed your body backwards, the other on your waist supporting your body so that you didn’t trip over. The back of your knees met that bed and the two of you toppled onto the soft, rose-petaled surface.

“I couldn’t wait anymore, need to feel you, taste you, want to make you mine”, James groaned against the shell of your ear as he finally turned your face enough that his lips found yours in a hungry, lust-filled kiss.

Behind the two of you, you were able to hear Sirius and Remus chuckling deeply at James’ frantic motions and then they were moving closer and sitting on either side of the bed, taking a hand of yours each into theirs. A way to stay close to you but also restrain you in a way so that James was fully in control and the pleasure was solely on you.

The Gryffindor’s seeker’s tongue brushed against yours, tasting and dominating the dance happening in your mouth, his body sliding between your thighs so that you could feel the scratch of the uncomfortable underwear that he was still forcing himself to wear against the sensitive skin of your thighs. His hand's hand began to lower, the wide expanse of his hands meaning that he was able to feel a vast area of your body at once, over your collarbones, your breasts, squeezing softly, a contrasting touch from his commanding mouth.

Over your hips, your thighs, tucking them in closer around his waist. Finally, he pulled away from your mouth, his glasses slipping down his nose as hot breaths being shared as you both desperately tried to breathe but it was mostly so he could tell you his contemplative thoughts. “I don’t know whether to let you ride my fingers or taste you”.

Your pussy clenched around nothing at his words, not being able to decide an answer for him but thankfully Sirius pipped up and offered the idea, “Why not both?”

James grinned, pecking your lips before glancing towards Sirius, “Good idea, Padfoot”.

Then his warmth crowding around your chest was gone as he quickly backed away and lay on his stomach at the bottom of the bed, his face now between his legs and hands pushing back your thighs until once again, Sirius and Remus took one each so that you were fully restrained.

“Such a pretty pussy, MY pretty pussy”, James admired as he began to spread your juices that were seeping through your folds, over the rest of your cunt. With one hand, he spread back your labia so that you were bare before him, he could see the subtle throb of your clit and the clench of your pussy, gleaming in the low candlelight from your wetness.

James licked a long strip from your perineum, over your hole and up to your clit, audibly swallowing your juices and moaning, and then there was no holding him back. If he wasn’t sucking your clit then he was pushing his thick tongue into your hole, exploring the tensing area. And then he was adding two of his fingers, rocking in and out in time with the circling of his tongue around your clit.

You were very quickly descending into the pleasure and gave up on watching him as all you could do was lie back and moan, hands desperate to reach for him but still being held back by your two other boyfriends. So you lay there, mouth wide open and mewled and quivered, especially as he began to curl his fingers, teeth scraping over the bundle of nerves before carefully easing the touch with a warm lick of his tongue.

“Is Prongs making you feel good, Darling?” Sirius cooed down to you, squeezing your thigh to try and grasp your attention.

“Yes! So-...so good, please don’t stop”, you begged, eyes clothes and a withering mess as James increased his pace. That’s when you felt it, the tightening in your core that sent tingles over your pussy and thighs, that feeling that you craved every day to feel and one that the boys were always so good and making you experience. “I’m gonna cum, don’t stop, James please don’t stop”.

James didn’t plan on stopping as he watched your reactions from between your legs, expertly fingering and licking you, feeling your pussy clenching and tightening around his digits before you gasped, arched your back and fluttered and pulsed with your orgasm. You felt both heavy and light simultaneously as he didn’t slow down his motions until you collapsed back fully into the sheets again.

“You’re so beautiful like this, laid out beneath me. But, I think it’s time one of the other two has a go, what do you say Honey?” James asked still between your legs. Opening your glazed-over eyes, you looked down at him and nodded in response, but you were also sure that what he had to offer now you would have said yes too. 

Remus leaned down so that his lips danced along your cheek as he whispered against your skin, “Think it’s my time to have a taste of your sweet pussy?”

This time, the aroused fog in your brain cleared slightly as you shook your head no which in turn earnt a confused expression to Remus’ face. “Want you to fuck me”, you stated with conviction, needing to be full and stretched.

Remus chuckled as he squeezed your thigh and wrist that he still held, “Already? But we’ve only just started Sweetheart”.

You whine pathetically, trying to reach for him and momentarily forgetting that you were still very much restrained. “Please! Want to feel your cock inside of me, don’t want to wait”.

“Ok Love, can’t be having my girl going without what she wants now, can I? You haven’t been stretched much though so do you want to ride me so you have control for a second?” He didn’t sound boastful when he talked and you knew it was necessary for him to ask this, Remus had one of the biggest cock’s you’d ever seen. In fact, when you first saw it, you were sure it wouldn’t fit inside of you. However now after fucking constantly, it was a little easier but still not something to be rushed so you nodded your head in agreement with his idea.

Remus moved to lay against the pillows, easing the lingerie at long last down his legs and onto the floor and then his hands were out and supporting your weight as you were released from Sirius’ grip and able to crawl over to the other Marauder. Once more, his body was a lot warmer than the other two but that only aided in moments like this, the heat helping your pussy to stretch.  Straddling his hips, you could help but grind your bare pussy against his thick cock that was hard and lay heavy against his abdomen.

The two of you moaned deeply, his cock throbbing just as harshly as your clit as it brushed against his shaft. Remus rested his hands against your waist, but only to support you, he let you be in control for the moment as your hands rested against his chest, pushing off of it with your movements.

Leaning down quickly, you pecked his lips, sighing into the touch before leaning back up and gripping the base of his dick, standing it up and then rising onto your knees. Even just feeling his tip brushing your hole had enough stimulation that you were moaning. This only increased as you began to lower yourself, slowly and with Remus’ support by guiding your hips down tentatively, making sure that your gasps were done in pleasure and not discomfort.

It burned but in a way that had you begging for more, stretching to your very limit as inch after inch pushed into your cunt until you were about ¾ of the way down before his tip stroked your cervix. Leaning forward so you could take the weight off of your knees, you both just stayed in that position as your body adjusted to being sheathed.

Only as you began to slowly rock your hips did Remus dare to move his hands but only to cup your arse cheeks, massaging the areas and helping you a little to ride back and forth on his cock. “Feel so big Daddy”, you quietly moaned into his chest, not meaning to use the nickname so early into the night but sometimes a different side of you took over.

“Yeah? You’re taking Daddy’s cock so well my love, you’re so tight and pretty above me”, Remus praised and his hips began to buck up to meet yours, increasing the pace and roughness slightly and from the earth-shattering moan you released, there was no chance he was going to stop doing that again if it made you sound that good.

As you began to roll your hips in time with Remus, you had a thought as to where the other two were. Looking over your shoulder and see James and Sirius sat together, their hands clenched and resting on their thighs as they tried not to touch themselves and a pang of guilt settled in your stomach as they really were just trying to think about your pleasure. “Please! Please touch yourselves, take off those stupid underwear and touch yourself. No wait, come here, let me touch you.”

“This is supposed to be about you”, Sirius reminded you in a low gruff tone, like he was trying to restrain himself from snapping but was clearly struggling.

“Yes, and I want to touch you. If you won’t fuck my mouth then you’ll have to come over here so I can wank you off”.

Remus chuckled beneath you, “So demanding all of a sudden, is someone desperate for cock?”

You mewl, eyes closing and head tipping back as his cock fucked you with a hard slam of his hips, “Mmmm, yes! Always desperate for your cocks, because they’re mine aren’t they?” Your words were teasing and you made sure to timidly smile down at Remus as he grinned up at you.

“Yes, they are, all yours Sweetheart”. He fucked into you hard again, your body jolting from the momentum of the movement.

However his thrusts up slowed as Sirius and James stood on either side of the bed, the lacy underwear now discarded and cocks leaking and standing proud, bobbing in the air. Your mouth watered and you were half tempted to beg to taste them but decided to save your energy as you wrapped a hand around each of their cocks, squeezing and pumping slowly, in time with your rolling hips.

The two of them grunted, drips of precum building at the tip, leaking down and wetting the sensitive area. As you figured out a pattern with how fast to stroke them, squeezing in certain areas of their shafts and making sure to brush your thumb over the tip, Remus watched happily, his cock throbbing harder inside of you as you touched the other two. In each of the Marauder's minds, they were once again appreciating just how beautiful you were, taking Remus’ cock so well and pleasuring Sirius and James with your skilled hands, it was a sight to behold.

Sirius couldn’t hold back anymore as he roughly grabbed your jaw, tilting your face back and feverishly kissing you, tongue instantly swiping to gain entrance to your mouth, much like he had earlier in the day when you were sitting on the edge of the dusting desk.

The four of you moaned for different reasons, at the pleasure that was being shared and the love that was underlying in all the touches.

Remus began to fuck up into your body harder but still at a slower pace, his hand stroking over your abdomen, stroking the soft skin before his thumb dipped lower and stroked over your clit in demanding swipes.

Your thighs instantly clenched as well as your palms around the men's cocks. Sirius pulled back, needing to hear and see your pleasure as he stroked a couple of strands of hair out of your eyes, “You like the way Moony is fucking you? I want you to cum for him because, by the look on his handsome face, I don’t think he’s going to last much longer”.

Remus grunted, having been trying to hold back his own orgasm until you had found yours. It just felt so good when you fucked him first, pussy so tight, warm and all his that he didn’t care if he came quicker than other times the two of you fucked, he just wanted to fill you up, needing to see you dripping with his seed.

You were shaking above him at the sight of Remus trying not to unravel and the stroke of his thumb and cock were driving you ever closer to your own peak, thighs shaking with each grind of your hips.

Then you felt it, that tightening and blissful euphoria building in strength, like you were going to explode into a sea of stars as Remus’ name sang from your lips in pleading praise. “That’s it Love, cum for me, fuck you feel so good”, Remus shouted, his cheeks flushed pink and hair sticking to his forehead with the restraint of holding back his own orgasm.

Thankfully for him, after a particularly hard thrust and press of his thumb on your bundle of nerves, you were clenching your eyes closed, mouth gaping open and body locking up as you came around his cock. Only a couple of seconds later, Remus was arching his back slightly, hands squeezing the flesh around your hips tightly as he came, cock buried as deeply as it could go into your cunt as he needed you to have every single drop of his cum.

Your eyes momentarily opened to enjoy the sight but then a hand on the back of your head distracted you as your hair was harshly tugged back, causing your back to arch up, tits pushed out as Jjames batted away your hand from his cock. But, it was only so he could quickly toss his cock off, desperately whimpering as he knelt on the edge of the bed to get closer to you as he too came, all over your tits and down your sternum.

You watched with a satisfied grin at seeing James frantically finding his own orgasm and how flushed he now looked as the last drip of cum gathered at the tip of his cock. The grip in your hair loosened enough that you were able to lean forward and lick a single strip on his dick, capturing that last drip and swallowing it down with a genuine smile.

James looked like he was going to combust at the sight as he sucked in heavy breaths and looked like he was going to pounce on you to show you just how much he loved you but then the one man who hadn’t found his on orgasm quickly disrupted these thoughts. A strong arm wrapped around your waist and hiked you off of Remus's cock which pulled out of you, his cum dripping down as the tallest marauder slide off of the bed.

Sirius returned you to your knees and pushed your shoulders down so your cum covered chest was flat against the sheets and petals and your arse perked up into the air. “Need you so bad Darling, are you going to let me play with you?” Sirius asked, stroking a strong, wide hand down your spine.

“Please fuck me”, you begged, looking over your shoulder towards him. Sirius gave him a handsome grin, his eyes never leaving yours as he reached around you to grasp both of your arms and hold them behind your back.

“It would be my pleasure”, the long-haired man muttered, shifting his hips until his cock brushed against your cum covered hole and began to push in. You were so sensitive after taking Remus that you pulsed around Sirius, his cock stretching and filling you completely, he may not have been as big as Remus but he was still thick and hard. “Merlin! I love feeling Moony or Prong’s cum inside of you, feel it coating my cock and lubing your pretty pussy”.

You gasped at his words as he bottomed out, hips flush against yours, hands tightly holding onto yours so that your weight rested awkwardly on your neck but you didn’t care, needing and wanting everything he was willing to give you.

Unlike Remus, Sirius didn’t hold back with his thrusts, moving with speed and intensity that had you almost seeing stars with how deep he was fucking you in this angle. Your hands desperately clung to his, feeling the coolness of his rings and using that to ground you to the moment as you were beginning to feel a little fuzzy and floaty from the day's events.

“Taking me so well, you’ve done so well for all of us”, Sirius praised, followed by a deep throaty moan as you squeezed his cock tighter at his words. This only encouraged him to fuck you faster until it was a blur as to where your bodies met.

Your toes were curled as the constant smack of his cock against all of your blissful nerves had you wanting to melt right into the bed. It wasn’t long before you were feeling that relief on the horizon and from the way your pussy was clenching, Sirius could feel it too.

Releasing his hold on your wrists, he quickly pulled your upper body up, until your back was flush against his chest, his arms wrapping around your front to support your weight from toppling forward.

“Say it again, say you’re ours, I need to hear you say it”, Sirius asked, his sharp teeth teasing the shell of your ear, even in the new position it didn’t stop his deep, fast thrusts.

You were sure you were screaming your answer as your orgasm throbbed through your entire body as you did as requested, “I’m yours, I’m all of yours, Sirius- ah! Fuck please-”, you were rambling now, saying any words that you could think of as you were overcome with pleasure.

The sensation was so intense that you hadn’t noticed that Sirius had also cum with you until you were able to catch your breath and realise you were both collapsed face first onto the bed. Sirius’ cock was still inside of you, slowly softening and allowing his and Remus’ cum to continue seeping out and onto the sheets.

His lips ghosted over your shoulder as he moved your hair away from your ear, “And what did we learn today?”, he asked still sounding breathless but also teasing.

“Clothes don’t define love”, you mumble, feeling exhausted and hungry, looking forward to the feast that Remus was bound to bring you all after the cleanup and aftercare.

“Exactly. And what else?”

“That I belong to you all, just as you all belong to me”.

“That’s right Darling, and please, never forget it”.

[trippingontheescalator]

Curious about the direction the HP fandom has gone

Okay, so as an old HP fan from way back when the books were first coming out, and then getting hit with the nostalgia and decided to return after years and years of not interacting with the fandom at all, the changes are truly mindboggling and I'd love to get to the bottom of some things.

Like, the disappearance of Blaise Zabini. Blaise was a fan favorite way back when we only knew his name but now I barely hear a whisper of his name. Now, the obvious answer is racism, which I think is the #1 reason why Blaise-pairings have dropped of significantly. Back then we all thought Blaise was a hot Italian girl, and then we found out he's a black man and suddenly people stop writing about him? Hm, yeah, seems the obvious answer (especially considering the popularity of other characters who are just a name on a page *cough*regulusblack*cough*).

Or the rise in Snape-hate. Like, Snape used to be the fan favorite. Everyone loved Snape. The meaner he was, the more we liked him. Being mean to children was a plus, not a negative lol. And this was back when we all thought he was a pureblood who came from a wealthy family like the Malfoys. Now by the time the 7th book came out I had pretty much moved on and so I didn't really see the fallout of readers discovering his actual background, so I don't know if his drop in popularity is classism and learning that he isn't a palette-swapped Lucius Malfoy or not, but honestly I would figure his impoverished background would be a plus in these times. Like Snape is obviously one of JKR's least favorite characters, and considering how she-who-must-not-be-named has destroyed her reputation with her increasing radicalization you'd figure the poor, abused, author-hating character would become more beloved instead of the rich, white, heteronormative bullies who barely even show up in the books. Like with our increasing knowledge of social injustice, I just don't understand why the fandom would want to latch onto the Marauders? And I just can't believe Snape's handful of snippets with Lily is the cause of his downfall (like what's there is barely enough to fill up a few pages, and there are certainly more toxic relationships in the series that are still beloved), or the fact that he was a Death Eater or that he inadvertently caused the deaths of the Potters (we already knew that in GoF and HPB respectively and he was still beloved, and this was when we assumed he didn't give a shit about the Potters or if they died when he went snitching). Draco is still popular. DRACO who doesn't give two shits about slinging around the word "mudblood," as opposed to Snape who actually changed for the better.

Am I just too old to understand? Is this like 90s fashion coming back in style (no, I won't do it again, I don't care if it's cringy I'm sticking with my millennial styles, I did the platforms and the slip dresses and the cargo pants in high school and I'm not putting myself through that again lol you gen z's can pry my comfortable mom jeans from my cold, dead fingers, I don't care if it makes me look old, that's the point, I AM old). Like, in addition to 90s fashion, has the 90s obsession with luxury athletic fashion like Lacoste come back in style? All those fashion ads of rich white people on yachts with popped collar polos? Are people starting to obsess over the Marauders because nouveau riche conspicuous consumption is coming back in style? It can't all just be young kids who have only read AtYD and have never actually opened one of the books, can it?

There also seems to be a trend of treating characters as if they're real people. I mean, we've always done it (Snape Wives, I'm looking at you), but now it almost feels as if the crimes characters commit are treated as if they're real crimes and that liking them is somehow a moral failing on the reader's fault. If you were to say "I don't like Snape, his douchy actions anger me, I'd rather skip all the parts he shows up in" I'd say, cool, I get that. That's normal. But "Snape is an abuser, a racist, and an incel and if you like him you're probably those things too" is fucking weird. Like, Harry and Hermione are not real children. Snape is not a real person. The things that happen in this book have as much influence on the real world as me imagining ninjas breaking into my workplace on a slow day. And that "media does not exist in a vacuum" pisses me off because it's blatantly misused. The pieces of media that have had serious consequences? Jaws, The Birth of a Nation. One resulted in the culling of sharks, the other helped restart the KKK. Do you know what those two pieces of media have in common? They're not about fucking wizards and magic schools. They instead paint a target on real groups. After twenty years nobody has ever tried to hurt a marginalized group of people because of a harry potter book (except for JKR herself).

Anyway, these are just some random thoughts, feel free to chime in with your own.

[iwriteasfotini]

This is probably a VERY unpopular opinion, but I just saw a post about Jily becoming a secondary ship, I'm assuming to Jegulus? Ok, I'm not a ship purist, but I ship Jegulus over Jily (I can enjoy Jily fics though). My problem with Jily stems from canon Severus. I'm sorry, but you don't obsess about someone for like +20 years who doesn't love you back (and you don't get to be one of the most memorable characters of a seven book series if that is all you have going for you). I think there is bit more going on with Sev and Lily than we see in canon, namely because Harry is a horribly biased narrator where Slytherins are concerned, and Lily is long dead. And Sev doesn't want Harry to know anything about his past. We can be dogmatic and say it's because he regrets passing along the prophecy information which ended up getting Lily killed. Or we can be creative and think about other reasons why Severus wouldn't want Harry to know about his past. Maybe because it would be weird to tell your student (who looks EXACTLY like your arch nemesis from your school years, whose mother is your soul mate, and whose godfather is another one of your arch nemesis) "yeah, so your mom and I were destined for each other but couldn't be together because we ran in conflicting social circles in dangerous times, and your dad was in love with my other best friend (sorta stole him right out from under me to be honest), who was a dude by the way, and yet somehow you were conceived. But I promise they all loved you Harry."

Also, I've decided Lily was a badass (this is definitely hinted at in canon but not capitalized on at all). Badass Lily Evans and loving, doting, supportive James Potter doesn't work for me. I also think Regulus was a badass (also could be seen as hinted at in canon baring Sirius' annoying comments to Harry about Regulus which I may just end up pretending didn't happen; sometimes adult Sirius is more of a teenager than actual teenage Harry) and for some reason badass Regulus with loving, doting, supportive James Potter works much better. Sorry James, your badassery is limited to the Quidditch Pitch, your Transfiguration spell work, and how much you adore/support your badass boyfriend. But you're still an awesome guy.

Now I just have to figure out exactly what went down when Harry was conceived... and my head canon will be complete.

BTW my HC Lily is bi. And does NOT let Sev and all his annoying character complications hold her back. But yeah, Lily and Sev are "Always."

And I realize I actually aired two unpopular opinions Snily and Sev and Regulus being friends. I guess it depends on what other fanfics you have read which have stuck with you, because I haven't read any which have Sev and Reg as friends (although I can't remember what their dynamic was in Choices), but for some reason I've always assumed they would have been (they are only a year apart in age, both Slytherins, and both a bit moody, IDK?). Characterization of Sev is important here though, because I don't portray him as a dick. And the adult he turns into (bit more of a dick than he is as a teen, which I have some straight up issues with in canon) is born from immense suffering and trauma. Story of the Marauders if we are being honest.

[sofoulandfairaday]

Also got any sev ones?

If I have any Severus Snape headcanons? I think I might have to put this one under the cut bby, it's going to be loooong. Edit: it got severely out of hand, be warned this is insanely long.

BUT FIRST: this is a very long but extremely well-written meta about the Snapes' peculiar type of poverty that you should all read when you have time. Like, save it for later somewhere or whatever, but seriously. Do yourself a favour.

Some people like to headcanon Remus Lupin (!) as the Hogwarts drug dealer. Nu-uh. That's Snape. Severus, for the right price, can and will provide you with any kind of potion (assuming he can steal the ingredients from the supply closet/his fancy pureblood housemates can get him whatever he needs). See this post.

But it's not just potions. He'll write your essays for money (his prices go up as the years go by, but so does his credibility). Snape is the only reason Avery ever passed 4th year Transfiguration.

Until his 6th/7th year, when he was no longer friends with Lily and started expressing a vocal desire to join the Death Eaters, he wasn't accepted or popular in Slytherin House.

Avery and Mulciber, the only people who could be considered his friends, were still pretty classist and racist towards him and even then he only got to be part of their little circle because he knew more curses when he arrived at Hogwarts than half the kids in seventh year.

You see, he wasn't just a Halfblood (they have those in Slytherin), he was also dirt poor, and pretty rough around the edges. He wasn't refined, he swore like a sailor, he was classless, and “dirty” and had worn-out clothes and second-hand books, he was canonically ugly and twitchy as a child, and Sirius (who is still from the very elegant, very posh Black Family) describes him as a little oddball.

Never mind the suave adult Snape (who is very different in the books and in the movies, anyway). My man Eliza Doolittle-ed himself. He did a Tom Riddle.

But he was powerful enough that the hazing and bullying inside his own House stopped almost immediately when he got there. You despised Snape? Fine. You attacked Snape? Suddenly your pet cat has been poisoned and your kneecaps were jinxed backwards.

Also, Lucius Malfoy promptly singled him out, and while he was still in school (Sev's first and second year) he did what he could to shield him, and to make him just a little more credible and refined in Slytherin. Severus followed him around like a little puppy and definitely acted a bit like an errand boy for him and his friends, which is also part of the reason why Sirius calls him Lucius Malfoy's lapdog in OotP. I wouldn't say they were really friends though. He knew them, and maybe they liked him, but he wasn't their equal.

Unfortunately, the Marauders' bullying only got worse as the years went by, and Lucius had graduated by the time SWM happened (I think that and the Prank were the worst, but I also like the headcanon that they were not. That Snape put that particular memory in the Pensieve because it was the time he lost Lily, not because it was the worst time he was bullied by them. From the way he reacted to their attack, this level of viciousness was probably common. By the way, even if you dislike him as a character, if you deny that what he suffered at the hands of the Marauders was vile, I don't know what to tell you.)

I wouldn't say a good rapport with Narcissa Black - because why would a girl from the upper years hang out with a boy from the first three? - but she would be kind to him, and chat politely sometimes. She was impressed with him - the first Halfblood she had ever given the time of day to.

Do you know who wasn't (lol)? Bellatrix. Who had graduated years before and just could not understand why Narcissa and Lucius would be so fond of this little scrawny upjumped Halfblood.

With the exception of Andromeda (who doesn't know who he is) and Narcissa (who really likes him), all of the Blacks hate Snape. Regulus doesn't hate him per se but thinks him unrefined and overreaching and they also have a bit of a not-so-friendly competition going on even though they come from different years. Sirius and Bella... well, you know. (credit: @hxuse-xf-black, I think this hc is theirs)

One of my favourite headcanons is that the last Black family event Sirius ever attended was Narcissa's wedding (1976) [the last one Andy ever attended was Bellatrix's (1972)]. He was there as the bride's cousin, obviously. But but but. Snivellus Snape was also there, as the groom's best man (alongside Evan Rosier and Rodolphus Lestrange). The two almost get into a Muggle brawl, and an enraged Bellatrix is the one who has to separate them (how dare you try to ruin Cissy's big day?!). She would have happily let them kill each other on any other occasion, but that was her little (only) sister's wedding and she very violently cursed them both.

Started smoking cigarettes when he was young and never really stopped.

What tea does Snape drink?

Bad personal hygiene since he was a boy, especially in his periods of worst depression. Paradoxically, he was at his most groomed during his Death Eater years (1978-1981) because he had to deal daily with the likes of Lucius Malfoy and Rodolphus Lestrange, who might have been domestic terrorists but had standards.

Speaking of which. Bella hates him. I still have to decide how Rodolphus feels about him (Rod definitely defends him when the two of them are having a row, just to piss her off, but I don't know how he actually feels). I think they had slightly different social circles. As Sirius says, they were all - at different points in time - part of a gang of baby Death Eaters in school. But I see Bella & Rod as very close with Rabastan, and Rabastan as very close to Barty (the four of them even tortured the Longbottoms together, which means they definitely talked to each other in the very hectic days after Voldemort's downfall). In my headcanons Barty and Regulus are glued at the hip, so basically that's the five of them already.

It was a period of brilliant students for Hogwarts, nothing like Harry's time. James and Sirius were prodigies, Regulus gives me mad scientist vibes (also, he must have been knowledgeable in the Dark Arts seeing as he figured out about Voldemort's Horcruxes in no time), Barty brought home twelve O.W.L.S. (how?), and Snape was inventing curses.

The latter three were tentative allies in school, but Barty&Reg (who definitely had something going on if you know what I mean), pureblood and proper, with all of the entitlement that must have come from their bloodlines and talent, definitely were not his fans.

No one could understand his fixation with “that Mudblood” (Lily); Lucius was particularly overjoyed when he heard of their falling out. (This came back to bite him in the ass when he was the one who had to physically drag him out of his house, at Spinner's End, after she died and he was determined to rot and kill himself with alcohol.)

Cat person. But never owned any pets because he could not keep one alive. Except of course when he owned a rat... err... I mean, when Peter lived with him.

I am convinced the man took stimulants. Whatever the equivalent of wizard cocaine was (probably a potion he made himself, with minimal comedown and as little side effects on the body as he can), he took. He seems to spend his nights patrolling the corridors and his days teaching, so when does he sleep?

Extremely light sleeper anyway.

Can go without eating for a long time.

He is the personification of self-loathing.

I can see him self-harming in different ways. He denies himself the small pleasures of life, he smokes until his throat burns and his lungs hurt, and insists that he works best without protective gloves (more sensitivity or whatever) which means that his hands are covered in small cuts and stains from corrosive (possibly painful) potions.

Does whatever he can to look as little like his father as possible, whether that be growing a beard, or gaining weight, or cutting his hair.

He maintains that learning Occlumency saved his life. Legilimency is about control, and even that not-so-hidden sadistic part of him, and also the self-protection that comes from knowing your opponent's moves before they can strike. But Occlumency and the sort of meditative bliss that comes from Occluding heavily was an integral part of his transformation, and very definitely helped with the very obvious anxiety that plagued him as a boy. It's yoga + good weed at the same time. That's the feeling.

The Lily thing. Part of it was romantic but in the light I-am-thirteen-and-have-a-crush-on-my-best-friend type of way. He definitely thought he was in love with her when he was sixteen/seventeen, after they had cut ties, and that's how he explained it to Voldemort, too (and that's how Voldemort explains it to Harry - he desired her). But. Truthfully? No. After a while, and especially after her death, it wasn't about the love he felt for her, it was about the debt he owed her. She was the first person to be kind to him, and he betrayed her. Directly caused her death, and sold her to the most evil wizard in history. Whether you love someone romantically or platonically, being responsible for their death, or leaving a child as an orphan takes a toll on your psyche that's almost impossible for me to comprehend or explain. Imagine the level of guilt that he felt. She was his first friend, his first crush, his first everything. And his love for her was the love Dante felt for Beatrice, the love that moves the sun and the other stars. I hate it when they reduce it to “he just wanted to bang Harry's mom haha”.

With that being said, Snily is probably the most boring Severus ship of all.

Never planned for the future. He honestly didn't think he would survive the war; his character is pretty much doomed by the narrative, and I am convinced that the only thing that kept him going was fulfilling his promise to Dumbledore, taking down the Dark Lord. He always thought Voldemort would eventually discover he was a spy and kill him for it. And as sad as it is (and that's why I love those kinds of fanfics!) I cannot see him ever adapting to a post-Voldemort world. It would take a lot of work on himself for him to find peace and I don't think he loved himself enough for that. I don't think he wanted to live.

Also, while I love the fanfics where he eventually makes up with Harry, and they have a civil relationship, I cannot see it happening in canon.

The narrative draws very explicit parallels between Snape and Voldemort, there are so many (but not limited to): the social class they come from, their blood status, the abuse they face as children, this iconic line which is one of my favourites in the whole series: But he was home. Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here, the details we can infer of their relationship with Dumbledore when they were still students, the transformation they operated on themselves to become more polished, their interests (both of them invent curses and the like), the way they identify with their mothers' heritages, their dynamic is extremely interesting to me.

My headcanon is that Snape was one of the few people Voldemort actually liked (and perhaps he saw himself in), which would explain why he doesn't heed Bella's advice about him. Of course, it was a very tepid intellectual appreciation (just a tad warmer than his - very cold - expression of regret at having to kill him in the Shrieking Shack), but it was there. I think they had a teacher-student dynamic which doesn't get explored enough but was clearly there: Voldemort teaches Snape how to fly without a broom; he is reportedly the only Death Eater to whom he teaches this. I think Snape was absolutely fascinated with LV in the beginning and climbed through the ranks impressively quickly. Just as rapidly (maybe more) as purebloods Regulus Black (whose cousin was LV's right-hand woman and possible mistress) and Barty Crouch (who would have been an asset seeing his father's position). Keep in mind these guys weren't even 20 years old and had all met Voldemort personally, probably more than once. They would have been part of his inner circle.

I can see Voldemort appreciating Snape's interest in magic, especially his academic interest. I think it's especially fascinating if compared to Voldemort's relationship with Bellatrix (who was the opposite of Snape in every sense): I think someone like Voldemort would be attracted to someone like Bellatrix (rich, pure of blood, self-assured, inhabiting a world built for her, etc.) but on the other hand he would also resent her for these very things that were her prerogative, and not his. On the other hand, Snape would understand him on a personal level, he would simply get some of Voldemort's lived experiences (and personality, let's be real) in a way his other Death Eaters wouldn't. But, because he still represents his past in a way (and hasn't remade himself quite yet), Voldemort would also view him with contempt. (And a great deal of superiority, but he's like that with everyone).

Snape doesn't join the Death Eaters because of the Cause. I can see him hating Muggles and perhaps looking down on Muggle-borns, but I don't think of him as a convinced pureblood elitist in the way the Lestranges and Malfoys were. He joined for power. He wanted revenge, and he wanted to feel powerful and important in a world that would make him feel small (part of the reasoning behind Bellatrix's joining in my headcanons), which makes him much hungrier than his peers, which would make him stand out to Voldemort.

His invention of the Sectumsempra spell and its counter-curse is extremely impressive, even Bella had to recognize this when she found out, and she demanded it be taught to the younger recruits, (but really to herself).

Hates summer like no one else has ever hated summer.

Helped with Draco's conception. I headcanon that Narcissa had fertility problems (this extends, for me, to most women of the Black family) and Severus helped her and Lucius with it. (This hc isn't mine, but I love it to death.)

Any and all silly headcanons about Snape teaching sex ed, dealing with periods, etc give me life. You've all read them though, so I won't repeat them.

Worked as a potioneer for Voldemort too, perhaps alongside someone who was even better than him (older, more knowledgeable). The things he learned turned out to be super useful to him in the future.

His favourite food is fish and chips, or something equally proletarian, like beans on toast... that sort of thing.

Detested living with Pettigrew (and I hc that Voldemort did it as a form of cruel punishment: he's forced to live with - offer shelter to - the man who caused Lily's death).

Because I like angst, I really like the idea that the person he was closest with, in the entirety of the Hogwarts staff (except maybe for Dumbledore) wasn't McGonagall, it was Charity Burbage. I need more fics with an in-depth exploration of their relationship (whether it be romantic or platonic) because it has amazing potential, both for angst and fluff.

Idk how anyone can ship Snily when these two are right there

Also, she would be the second woman Severus loves that Voldemort has killed. This time it's even worse.

I doubt he could ever have had a functioning relationship with her (or any other woman, or person), because what flesh-and-blood woman could ever beat the lamented and idolised spirit of Lily Evans? She would stand no chance. Again, this makes it worse.

I'm going to stop here because this is getting embarrassing. Kudos to you if you got to the end of this.

Headcanons: James | Sirius | Remus | Lily

[jimblejamblewritings]

I am not a Snape defender

I'm sorry but I really don't understand the "Snape defense, james & sirius are the worst" in relation to each other...

Snape wasn't a randomly innocent victim of Potter and Black's bullying. Being in with the future Death Eater squad isn't exactly innocent. Also, it's stated that James and Severus were always at each other's throats. That's not the marauders were big bullies and Snape was an innocent victim.

Side note: people saying that James was a dick to everyone. That's fanon. We only know he hates Snape. And he hates Snape specifically because he's into Dark Arts.

And we are seeing all of this through Snape's vision. Our own opinions and memories of ourselves can be skewed. Severus only joining the baby Death Eaters after he calls Lily a mudblood and she pushes him away isn't believable. He was friends with the baby Death Eaters at school before they became Death Eaters... I'm sorry but I don't believe in our real world that a person can be friends with racists but because they have one minority friend I should assume they aren't racist. So I can't believe that in this world either.

Need I start with he had no problems using what is effectively a slur in their world. Or is the whole mudblood thing just a one time outburst at Lily? Ain't no damn way a slur just rolls of the tongue in frustration unless it's something someone says on a daily basis.

He goes to apologize and she's like well you call every other muggleborn that so why not me...

(side note: lily wtf? why would you be friends with him when you know that? I'm not staying friends with someone that would regularly call black people the n word. anyway...)

That means he's been using that slur against muggleborns and harassing them. So he doesn't just become a bully after the marauders tormented him in school. He's been one.

Snape and his friends also try to do something apparently evil to Mary MacDonald. That's someone who wasn't James or close to him like the Marauders. She didn't do anything and they tried to/ wanted to hurt her anyway. That's a bully.

Like I'm sorry but this man was a Death Eater and only turned to the good side to beg for Lily's life because he was obsessed with her. He didn't give a shit if Voldemort killed James or Harry who was like a six month old. He only wanted Lily to live and when Voldemort didn't spare her that's when he went to the good side.

And when people bring up "James sexually harassed Snape by using Levicorpus that exposed his underwear" ... my guy, Snape invented that spell. So are we to assume he never used it? Cause I don't. So you better bring that energy for Snape as well if this is the road we're going down. And he doesn't take off Severus' underwear.

The text mentions that after taking off his trousers you can see grey underpants. When it says pants, it still means trousers not the common use of pants the way most British people say it. Most because certain parts of the UK don't, fun fact. And again, Snape came up with the spell. It's oh so convenient that we only see James use the spell against him but not Snape using it against other people to what we can assume is the same extent as James.

Also the whole werewolf thing... I'm sorry but if you suspect someone is a werewolf and confront their friends about it, the people you don't like and who don't like you, why the hell would you go on the night of the full moon. Sirius telling him how to get past the Willow honestly doesn't change much. Lily tells Snape she already knows his theory after he points out that Lupin disappears every month at the full moon. The dude knew or stongly suspected that Remus was a werewolf. And still decided to see if his theory was correct, putting himself in the line of fire of a full grown werewolf.

Like I'm not necessarily absolving Sirius because he should have known that the boy who hates them would be arrogant enough to still go after them even if he thinks Remus is a werewolf. But still, that means Snape was arrogant or stupid enough to do that despite his suspicions before confronting Sirius, which he did on the night of the full moon so at this point Snape knows he has all the facts. But even if we only blame Sirius...

Snape still calls people mudbloods, bullies children that aren't Harry (not that that's okay) at his grown ass age, and didn't think Voldemort was wrong until he killed the obsession of his life. Like that enough I'm good on him.

And everyone else has a skewed story but Snape? No. That's not how that would work. We also only see a few incidents and nothing about what happens in between or even what leads up to them. It's just as skewed as anyone else's memories we see in the book. Like remember when Tom Riddle's diary only showed Harry certain moments to make it look like it was Aragog and Hagrid knew.

And to anyone that recognizes Snape being friends with the baby Death Eaters but saying that we don't know if he was a bully.... It's giving, "I can excuse racism but animal cruelty is where I draw the line."

Some other things I've seen, I'll discuss in little bullet points:

An 11 year old James saying who wants to be in Slytherin or Hufflepuff and Snape overhearing isn't James being a bully. It's an 11 year old not wanting to be seen as lame cause everyone calls those houses lame (or evil in Slytherins case).

Saying that James and Sirius are rich doesn't suddenly make them bullies. There's not a power imbalance that they use against him. They don't make fun of him being poor. They hex him with spells he came up with. I don't think they would only bully Snape for being poor, nobody else, and then ignore the Death Eater part. They were hating him for the Dark Arts, not cause he had no money. We don't know about Remus or Peter's financial status but considering they are never mentioned as rich then at best they're probably middle class to poor. I don't think they'd be around for that type of bullying.

Y'all siding with the wizard racist, obsessive man who is a dick to kids at 30, I can't be convinced about Snape. Sorry. I also don't get the Snape deserves a redemption arc storyline but not Draco. However that's a different story. Like JK writing him bullying children and then saying but it's not that big a deal is skewed. She also had Harry name his kid after Dumbledore and the entire fandom agrees that the man doesn't deserve it.

[quillinhand]

I’ve seen you post about both the marauders and snape, so I’m assuming you’re a fan of both? Me too!

I sometimes get bummed out at the extent fellow marauders fans go to to exclude our prickly Slytherin. But at the same time I’d much rather those fans who really hate him to just ignore him than stir up hate so…Idk.

My question was: What are your thoughts on the Slytherin skittles? On one hand, it’s kinda laughable to me that these are the Slytherins we’re gonna incorporate into our fandom, while we steadfastly ignore the 5th or 6th most mentioned character in the series. But on the other hand, maybe it opens up the door to the gradual acceptance of Severus… ? if not for his canon character, at least for his fans to feel less unwelcome? Maybe I’m being optimistic, but I’d love to one day post about Snape without worrying that everyone is going to unfollow or block me

Hi!

I'm Snape fan forever and yes, I am currently having a marauder's era obsession phase-honestly I used to look down upon the marauders fandom because of how much their headcanons disregarded the main canon and how much they change the characterizations to the point of incomprehensibility(remus, im looking at you). But I do feel- and have always felt- that the marauders era was ripe with potential, and Tumblr has reawakened that particular obsession.

I get you so much- it's really very upsetting to have people who share some of your interests and shit on your others. do hope that you have friends in the marauders fandom who don't accept snape slander(and if not- i'm always here!!!!). and i understand the wish to have them ignore him altogether- though it does feel a little isolating at times. though not lately for me- thanks to my lovely marauder fan moots :) :).

the slytherin skittles- hmmmm. Let me make a very humble confession. before this ask, i wasn't entirely sure on who they were. im educated now, and honestly i prefer to have the usual marauders era cast be different ages- it just seems very unlikely that this huge cast all went to school together. like i know wizarding britain is small, but excuse me. what the fuck.

that being said, i have come to be fond of the fandom versions of these characters- the rosier twins, barty my bloody beloved, dorcas, regulus black(is that all????) and i do like the idea of them being a group and shit. it's just, them being a group and shit in school just. doesn't match up with my version of the characters, ya know? still, there is wonderful fanfic and fanart out there for them, so. i aint complaining.

but I do feel like them being glorified to such a degree while Snape is right there kind of weird. I mean, absolutely, I don't expect Snape love from the marauders fandom and I don't need it, but sometimes it's kinda confusing how much Snape is passed over in all these fics. Just- I can imagine Snape being an amazing addition to all these fics and imagines, and it does sometimes feel like all the Slytherin characters are just palatable pieces of Snape, which is a bit off putting. still, i am fond of these characters to a degree, so this is less of a complaint and more of something that just confuses me.

maybe. maybe this could be the path to less Snape hate but HONESTLY I'm not holding my breath. Like I said before, I'm not looking for Snape love and content in this fandom, and though I do feel he would be an amazing addition to it, I'm not terribly sad that he isn't a part of it. I'd rather he be ignored than hated, and when he is hated, I'd rather ignore it than focus on it- for my mental health at the very least.

And on the topic of it making the opinion of Snapedom and Snape content less severe- i can see it happening and not happening. I think there will always be people who will dislike Snape and wonder why anybody will like him in the marauders fandom, and as long as they are outspoken, it's going to be a while since we see change. But I can definitely see it going there and am optimistic myself.

and finally, one last not-so-humble word of advice- if you have mutuals or followers who you think will block or unfollow you because of Snape(a FICTIONAL CHARACTER) maybe they are people you don't need. Your blog is your space, and as much as it needs to be a safe space for others, it needs to be a safe space for you too. Post about Snape all you want anon; post about any of your interests- and the people worth thinking about and respecting will stay regardless.

[roalinda]

this is random, sorry %). In PoA movie Remus says about Lily "She had a way of seeing the beauty in others. Even, and most especially, when that person could not see it in themselves." It clashes with books where Remus never mentioned her name XD but okay, her friendship with Snape applies. And I think - Lily actually shared this trait with James. Dark wizard family heir, a werewolf, weak boy with cruel streak - he went and become their friend.

Hello anon ♡

Sorry for the late reply 😭

In all honesty, I am not much of a fan when it comes to HP movies. They are very misleading, and the whole - straying from the original plot - gets worse and worse with every movie. 🤦‍♀️

But let us assume that what Lupin said in the movie is something that is mentioned in the book as well, because apart from that, the book can give us more information on Lily's character, things that the movie denied the audience.

Most people in the fandom see her as nothing but a random girl who went and got married to James Potter to be Harry's mom whose sacrifice was necessary for the plot, but I think she was more than just a random girl with a history of refusing James' advances. True, we didn't see much of her ( and James) which is sad, but those small flashbacks show us that she was more than just a random girl and she had fire in her.

In the books, it is not explicitly mentioned anything about Lily and Lupin, but his reaction in the lake thing when Lily tried to stop James was not friendly towards Lily. What I mean by not friendly is not seeing her as a foe, I mean not interacting much or acknowledging, BUT I believe that Lily is kind and sees the best in people ( to a logical degree ) as much as she can until she can't. We see that she tries to see the positive traits of the marauders despite the fact that she was not really fond of them at that time in this conversation in the books.

"They sneak out at night. There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

"He is ill, " said Lily. "They say he's ill — "

"Every month at the full moon?" said Snape.

"I know your theory," said Lily, and she sounded cold. "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

HP and the deathly Hallows - pages 673-674

She is not stupid. She is smart and probably has her own doubts as well, but she doesn't want to dive in the whole thing, not because she is not talented or not brave enough, because she can feel that this a personal problem and if Dumbledore is involved, it is a serious one. But the marauders are different from her, they are this small chain of friends with no intruders allowed despite being popular in the school, so she knows that nothing personal exists between them when it comes to Lupin's illness. She gets the fact that she should stay away and not meddle, because in the most simple term it doesn't have anything to do with her. I think if we want to link Lily's character and her relationship with Lupin during Hogwarts before dating James, this can be exhibit A and in some sense, it backs up what Lupin said in the movie, despite it was in POA and this conversation happened in the DH.

Same goes for Snape as you put it. She tries to continue and save her friendship with him because obviously she cherishes him as a friend until what happened at the lake.

"It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years."

HP and the deathly Hallows - page 675

So yes, she tries to see the good in people until she can't. ( also I have to mention the discussion here is about Lily not Snape )

Now, let's talk about James. I think James has that kind of character who doesn't make excuses for who he is friends with because he won't befriend anyone who he doesn't see worthy. Sirius Black? James was a bit biased at first in train, but Sirius was so easy-going and unbiased towards Slytherin and later showed such a sharp tongue and quick wit that James practically swooned. Remus Lupin? After spending time with him and knowing him, he was not a werewolf in James' idea, he was a friend worth having despite the risks. Peter Pettigrew? Despite what many people in the fandom think, I don't see James befriending him out of pity. James Potter had a big kind heart but he was not a type to stay in a friend group with a person who was pitiful. I think James saw Peter as friend who despite not being talented like he and Sirius, was a good company and a worthy friend. Yes, a great mistake that cost him his life, but that's for another discussion.

I don't find it strange that Lily was trying hard not to cut ties with Snape, considering the fact that he was her first friend from the wizarding world and who introduced her to the notion of magic BUT we have to pay attention to the fact that James was a lonely child that despite growing up in a wizarding family and being spoiled rotten, didn't have any friends before Sirius and later Remus and Peter. James and Lily were in the same boat with different dimensions.

So yes, your thoughts are absolutely correct with the small addition of my humble opinion that James and Lily's kindness is very different, specially in friendship.

Lily can cut ties but James either won't befriend or never cut ties, something so beautiful and tragic in his young life.

[drbobbimorse]

I’d be interested in seeing who you fancast! I totally agree with you. It’s boring to see the same faces over and over again.

I honestly don’t remember any except for a handful, because I was doing a fancast of just the original order (with Regulus as a bonus). Here’s the ones I do remember: 

I lied. I got inspired to finish my fancast lmao Didn’t do Albus or Aberforth cause they’re both in their late 80s during the first Wizarding War so what’s the point? Richard Harris (yes, the late Richard Harris. He was the literal embodiment and perfect casting choice for Dumbledore and he’ll always be Dumbledore for me, sorry Michael Gambon) and Ciarán Hinds are perfect. Anyway, here’s a complete fancast of the original Order during the First Wizarding War:

Alastor Moody: Sean Bean (Moody would’ve been at least 27 during the First War – it started in ‘70 and he died in ‘97, simple math – but I do love older actors so I kept him aged up. I mean, some of these people live to be over 100! I’m not 100% sold on him though, so suggestions are welcome. Honestly? If Dom wasn’t already Bill, I’d say him for young!Moody)

Alice Longbottom: Romola Garai

Frank Longbottom: Russell Tovey

Benjy Fenwick: Ben Kingsley

Dorcas Meadowes: Marianne Jean-Baptiste

Dedalus Diggle: David Dawson (something about his role on Ripper Street sold him to me as Dedalus and I will never budge on it)

Emmeline Vance: Gemma Chan

Fabian & Gideon Prewett: Robert Emms

Lily Potter: Annalise Basso (only flaw? She’s American lol) or Ellie Bamber

James Potter: Ryan McCartan (another American) or Rupert Evans (when he was in TMITHC) or Ben Whishaw (both are too old but I couldn’t find the perfect combination of British, 20s, thin, untidy black hair and glasses. Seriously, I always see fancasts for James without glasses and like ??? Are y’all dumb af?! The main reason people mistake Harry for his father is because of the hair and the fucking glasses)

Marlene McKinnon: Amara Karan

Sturgis Podmore: Alex Pettyfer (I read ‘square jaw’ and Alex never left my mind lol), or Brett Tucker (also not British but look at him!)

Sirius Black: Ben Barnes (ok ok ok, he’s beyond overused and I’m guilty of it too but he’s literally the only overused fancast I actually like for the Marauders!) or Aneurin Barnard. Another good alternate is that guy who plays Nick Scratch on TCAOS. (Any of these guys would also be good for Regulus, they all look passable as siblings tbh)

Remus Lupin: Charlie Rowe or Thomas Brodie-Sangster

Peter Pettigrew: Philip Wiegratz (again, not British but he’s so hard to fancast! And all the fancasts I see for him are either studs or thin, conventionally attractive Brits. That’s not fucking Peter, okay? He’s a chubby little fucker, fancast an overweight or obese actor, you cowards)

Caradoc Dearborn: Adrian Lester

Edgar Bones: Ioan Gruffudd

Elphias Doge: Jeremy Irons

Mundungus Fletcher: Caleb Landry Jones (again, not British but something about the description of Mundungus brought him to mind and he just didn’t leave)

Severus Snape: Louis Garrel (perfect except that he’s French and a bit too old lol) or Jamie Bell (I always see him fancast for Peter and nope, nope nope nope. With a nose like his, all I can see is Snape lol)

Arabella Figg: Charlotte Rampling

[emf005]

I'm Trying

Here is my weekly post! I hope you guys enjoy, this is a personal fave of mine. Please let me know what you think of it! I love to get feedback!

Marauders Era

Sirius Black x Fem! Reader, Remus x Twin sister! Reader. Marauders x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, mini make out sesh, sort of self harm, fear

You stole a piece of chocolate from your stash. You always had a secret stash in case you brother, Remus, ever ran out before the full moon. But you also had a bit of a sweet tooth yourself. Well, you could call it more than that actually. See, while your brother was a full werewolf, you were about half, but he didn’t know that. If he knew that he would actually lose it. The only person who knew was Lily, and she had found out by accident.

So, while your brother would always turn into a werewolf on full moons, you only sometimes did. You also got mood swings to the max. But no one ever questioned it because they assumed it was just girl stuff. And the four boys you hung out with, no matter how close you were, didn’t really want to strike up a conversation about that. Ever.

You see, your turning started your second year at Hogwarts. You woke in the forbidden Forest feeling like you had been hit with a ten ton bus. You put two and two together and started to ask Lily’s friend, Severus, if he could brew you a potion in secret. So I guess you could say two people knew. But it wasn’t like Severus would tell on you. You were always nicer to him than your friends were and he seemed to appreciate that. So, he always made you a potion while slughorn made Remus his.

James often asked why you never joined them. While your brother couldn;t become an animagus, you could for some odd reason. You turned into a small black and white ferret, while your brother couldn;t change at all. You felt bad, it was your fault he was like this, and despite his countless times he had told you it wasn’t your fault you both knew it was. But everytime James would ask Remus would answer for you.

“I don;t want her out there. I’m her brother. It's my job to protect her. I wouldn;t be able to live with myself if I accidentally did something to her.” You always clenched your jaw at his response. He still saw you as a little kid, despite being his twin. You couldn’t stand it!

You never thought anyone noticed these secret feelings you held against your brother. Oh how you were wrong. Sirius Black always noticed when Remus would say something to upset you. And he was always the one there for you. See, despite his liking for it, he had caught feelings for you. He thought he could trample them by asking out every girl in the school, but that only seemed to make his want for you grow. But he never said anything. You were his best friend’s twin sister. It was just wrong, no matter how strongly he felt for you.

The full moon was coming up again soon, and you ran down the hall to see your brother and friends waiting for you. Remus looking in his bag frantically.

“Hey, guys!” You smiled with fake cheer. You felt awful today, but you couldn;t let anyone see that. They might grow suspicious of your secret. “What's wrong, Rem?”

“He didn’t restock his backpack again with chocolate.” Peter squeaked. Remus threw him a dirty glance before rooting through his bag again. You internally groaned. You always had a stash in your bag, and you really needed it today. But, you were his sister. Sacrifices must be made. You slung your bag around and grabbed your whole stash and filled his bag with it. You even let him finish the one you had been munching on, much to your disappointment.

“Thank you, Y/N/N,” he said, stuffing the chocolate bar in his mouth. You just smiled at him and put your head down and clutched your messenger bag harder. White knuckling the strap. God, you wanted to rip the chocolate out of his mouth and just eat it. But no. You were a fucking good sister. And a fucking good sister you would stay.

Classes were a pain all day, especially with the smell of chocolate enveloping you every time Remus would open a new package. You had broken four quills by lunch and they were all joking about it.

You all headed out of your final class and down to the great hall, like you normally did. BUt Remus seemed to be in an even worse mode. You were glad he had the chocolate, he might’ve actually murdered someone. You, on the other hand, were so close to murder, but you had to keep that damn smile on and your shirt pulled up high onto your shoulder tightly, despite the heat. That's where Greyback had gotten you. Just a nip on the shoulder before remus thought it was a good idea to attempt to hit him with a chair. Key word, attempt.

Remus was on the end of the line bsides you. Some slytherin accidently knocked into him and he let out a growl as he kept walking and talking to the Huffelpuff. Here we go.

“You got a problem?” He whipped around, staring at the boy clad in green robes. The boy looked at him confused. You recognize him. Your year, Jacob Jemesky. One of the cutest boys in your year. I mean, his eyes alone were perfect enough.

“I’m sorry?” He asked. You put a hand on Remus’s shoulder.

“Rem,” but he shook you off and walked up to the boy.

“I said, you got a problem, Snake?”Your eyes widened and you became red faced. You walked over to him and pulled him away from the Slytherin, shoving him to SIrius and James who held him back and tried to get hima away from the situation.

“I am so sorry about that, Jacob, right?” You nodded a smile on his lips.

“Yeah. And no worries. Your, Y/N, right?” You blushed slightly.

“Yeah. Its nice to finally meet you. We’ve shared a few classes I think.” He nodded before his eyes flashing back to your brother.

“Is he alright? I really didn’t mean to-”

“He’s fine. Trust me. He just gets moody from here and there. I think its like a twin thing between me and him, knowing when one is going to have a bad day and all.” He nodded.

“Well, I have to get going, but I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He waved and started to leave.

“See you around!” You waved back. Your smile dropped as soon as he turned the corner. You took a few deep breaths and walked over to your brother who was still trying to get out of James and Siris’ grips. “You two can let go now.” The boys did as you said but were ready to grab him at any second.

“What the hell was that for, Y/N?” He shouted at you, making your back straighten, ready to take it all. He just had to yell at someone sometimes, and the majority of the time it was you.

“He didn’t do it on purpose, Rem. You know that. You just need to calm down for a second, ok?”

“Calm down? I am calm!” James went to say something but you just shook your head at him. You weren’t going to let them take any of this heat.

“Rem, you're really not. Please just-”

“Don;t tell me what to do, Y/N! I am sick of you trying to constantly manage every little thing that I do. You can’t even begin to understand what I go through! You have no right to tell me to calm down. Or to tell me what I am and what I’m not. You know why? Because I am a fucking werewolf becuase of you,” every bit of air was sucked out of the empty corridor. Luckily empty. But he didn’t stop there. “I took that bite for you! We both know it was your fault! You were too naive to even think for a second that it wasn;t smart to go outside that early in the morning when the moon was still out! It was all yoru fucking fault! So don;t tell me what to do, or how to feel or any of that, because this is all happening because of you!”

You stood frozen as his breath calmed. You had tears slipping down your cheeks which was a strange sight for everyone in your friend group. Yo never cried. But hearing Remus admit that it was your fault, you couldn’t handle it anymore. The dam just broke. You swallowed, trying to get the lump in your throat away.

“Are you better, Remus?” He just stared at you, his eyes turning from rage to fear as he heard what he had said and how you referred to him as Remus and not Rem or bro or some stupid nickname you had given him. You smiled sadly and wiped a tear away. “I’m glad. I’m glad that finally admitting the truth makes you feel better.” You turned and started to walk down the hall only to stop and look over your shoulder. “You know. I just have to say this because I have for a while now. I have always tried my best to be there for you. Always tried to be patient. Always tried to take care of you when you wouldn’t let me do more. And also, I’m not the bloody moron who hit Fenrir Greyback with a chair and didn’t have the arm strength for it and ended up falling out a window!” You spit at him before walking down the hallway, tears streaming down your face at this point.

Remus opened his mouth to call after you, but he saw Sirius bolting after you instead. He had fucked up majorly. He knew it. James took him by the shoulder and directed him towards the Great Hall. James being the only one who knew of Sirius’ crush on you and knowing that Sirius would be able to calm you down better than any of them. And if he couldn’t, then Remus had just gotten himself into a deep deep deep hole.

You sat in the small alcove you had found your first year. It was in a secluded part of the courtyard, only your lily and Sirius knew about it. Which sucked because they knew exactly where to look for you.

Your head was in your knees and silent tears continued to pour down your face and on your knees. You didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to feel. You just didn’t know.

“Y/N?” You looked up to see Sirius standing by the entrance of the alcove. He had pushed aside the vines that hid you from view and was watching you, waiting to see what you would do. You sat up quickly and brushed the tears aside, smiling at him.

“Hey, Sirius,” your voice cracked and you cringed. He gave you a small pitiful smile and made you move over so he was sitting next to you. “Is he ok?”

“He will be,” you sighed and rubbed your hands over your face.

“I shouldn’t have stormed off. Or said any of that,” Sirius frowned.

“You know Moony is my best friend, but he started that argument.”

“Yeah but with the full moon coming up… he’s just on edge, and I know that. And he was right, I just didn’t expect him to say it like that. I over reacted.”

“You were just helping out a Slytherin, who you obviously like,” he hit your shoulder and you laughed, you felt your shirt fall down a bit off your shoulder but didn;t go to move it.

“I just find him attractive. That was the first time I've talked to him.” Sirius smiled through his pain and laughed with you. His eyes fell to your shoulder for a moment and he froze.

“Y/N/N, what happened?” He questioned looking at the small mark that the werewolf had left all those years ago. Your eyes widened and you quickly pulled your sleeve back up and cleared your throat standing.

“No-nothing. Um… I-I have to-to… uh.. To go. I’ll-I’ll see you, Sirius. Thank you,” you scurried out of alcove and dashed through the halls. You knew you couldn’t avoid him for long. I mean, the four of them had the marauders map, they would find you anywhere you went. You walked into the Great Hall, thankful to see Lily sitting by James. “Lily!” She looked over at you and her smile fell when she saw the state you were in. She excused herself and came running up to you, leading you out the Hall and to your room.

“Are you ok? James told me the blow out-”

“Sirius saw the scar,” you interrupted her. She froze.

“Does he know?” You shook your head.

“No. But I know he’s going to question me as soon as I’m alone. I just didn't want that to happen.”

“Not yet, you mean.”

“Ever.” She sighed, but didn’t push the subject. She was adamant that you should tell the boys about your… condition. You were adamant that you keep it to yourself, forever.. The fights between you and your twin would get worse, and you couldn’t let that happen.

Sirius walked into the Great Hall, scanning the Gryffindor table for you, he came up empty. He sat down, but kept searching the hall and glancing at the doors every now and then.

“What wrong, Mate?” James asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. Even Remus was eating, slowly, but eating.

“Nothing,” he mumbled and took a banana from the table. If you acted like that around him when he saw that scar, he could only imagine you didn’t want anyone else knowing about it. “Do you have the map?” James nodded and handed over the map from his pocket.

Quickly, Sirius unfolded it and searched for your name. You were in the girls dormitory with Lily. His leg started to bounce while he considered going after you. He could always ask Lily if he could have a second with you. He just wanted to make sure you were alright. You seemed really upset when you stormed out.

Had you always worn long sleeves of some sort?

He handed the map back to James before standing up and heading towards the Gryffindor dorms. Maybe he could lure you out with some chocolate. He knew you were addicted to the stuff, practically eating it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but you always gave your stash to your brother. Some days he wished you wouldn’t. Just because he noticed how you would stiffen at the smell of it, or when you heard a wrapper from your stash being un-did. He knew Remus needed it, but it seemed like you sometimes needed it just as much as he did.

He bumped into LIly in the common room, he opened his mouth but she held up a hand to silence him.

“Listen, I know you want to check on her. But she isn’t in the best state right now. Especially if you are going to be questioning her about what you saw.”

“I just want to make sure she’s alright. I won’t question her about it.” Lily bit her lip and thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. You had given the last of your chocolate stash to Remus the other day and were in desperate need. But she didn’t want to leave you alone with Sirius in the dorm. He knew how to get into the girl’s dormitory, no shock there, but seldom did it. And normally only did it to bug the hell out of you.

“I’m sorry. It really isn’t the best decision. I have to run out and get her more chocolate from the kitchens, the house elves keep a stash for her down there. Please, don’t go in.”

“I can grab some from Remus’ stash,” he offered. But she shook her head.

“Where do you think the rest of her stash went?” Lily smiled and left. Sirius sat down on one of the couches, his leg bouncing aggressively again. He knew he shouldn’t go into your dorm room. He really shouldn’t. But, the thing is, that only made him want to more.

“Lily?” He heard your voice and looked up and saw you on the staircase, looking worse for wear. Your eyes met his and you froze, visibly freezing.

“Hey,” he scrambled to his feet, but didn’t move towards you.

“H-Hey,” you stuttered, your eyes still locked on him.

“I-uh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly. Why wasn;t he good at being sincere like this? “I came to check on you. See if you were alright.” You eyed him cautiously.

“Uh. Yeah. I-I’m fine.I-uh-well, I can’t exactly explain-” He shook his head.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, but I should. It was rude. And I still haven’t apologized to Rem,” you sighed and sat down on the stair, putting your head in your hands again. He slowly walked over and sat next to you, not talking. He just put his arm around your shoulders. You turned your head into him and he rested his chin on your head.

“You ok?” You let out a breathy laugh. And shook your head.

“Not really.”You heard the clock chime and knew Lily had gone to class and purposefully left you with Sirius, knowing of your… fondness... of him. Damn, you really needed chocolate. “Don’t you have to get to class?” He chuckled.

“When have I ever been on time?” You laughed, knowing how true his statement was. Only when he walked with you was he ever early or on time. Unless it was for transfigurations. He would stand outside the door until class was five minutes in before walking in dramatically, interrupting the entire class, and taking a seat next to you. Mcgonagall would huff in annoyance, but you knew she didn’t hate it. You also knew she knew what he didn everyday and never made any course of action to change it.

“Good point. But we are supposed to have transfiguration now. Don't you think Mcgonagall will miss you?”

“I bet she wouldn’t know what to do without me.”

Meanwhile in transfiguration:

“Ok, Black will be walking through the doors in three, two, one,” Mcgonagall kept talking but looked at the doors and waited for them to bang open with Sirius. Nothing happened. She began to sweat. “Where is he? What is he getting himself into? Did he die? Did someone else accidentally die and he is hiding the body?”

Back to the common room:

“Besides, I think you need a friend right now.” You smiled and nodded. “And chocolate.”

“Did I just get compared to chocolate?” He joked.

“You should be honored. I think very highly of chocolate. In my opinion it's better than christmas.” He laughed.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Christmas comes once a year, chocolate is a year long thing.” he laughed again, and you smiled, proud that you could make him laugh like that. Then your smile faded as you thought if his girlfriend made him laugh like that.

It's not like you would ever date him. You might have a crush on him, but you not only had to keep your secret a secret, but he was also your twin brother’s friend. You couldn’t do that.

“We better get to class.” you lifted your self off him, both of you immediately missing the other person’s body heat. “Mcgongall probably thinks you killed someone.” he gave you a small smile as you ran up to your room to grab your bag. He grabbed his from the couch where he had set it. He slung it over his shoulder and you came running down the stairs, skipping the last four. “Ready?” You asked, your normal smile on your face. He smirked.

“Talking to me for a few minutes put that smile on your face?” He teased as you made your way out of the portal.

“No, I found a few bars of chocolate under my bed.” You said happily, pulling two bars out of your pocket. He rolled his eyes as you opened one and handed it to him. He stared at it for a moment before taking it.

“You don’t want it?”

“I might’ve found four and ate two while coming down the stairs.” He laughed and took a bite of his. You unwrapped yours and started eating away at it. You two made your way into Mcgonagall’s class, Sirius banging the door open.

“Minnie! Did you miss me?” He shouted. You shook your head and laughed as Mcgonagall just stared daggers at him. The class erupted into laughter, but stifled it at one glare from the professor.

“Mr. Black. How kind of you to join us. Same goes for you as well, Miss. Lupin,” her gaze was less harsh on you, but you still blushed and put your head down. You two slid into your seats and began to take notes. Luckily it had been a review day. And Sirius was a master at transfigurations, so he would help you after class since it, ironically, wasn’t your best subject(And by that I mean you were still a crazy master, just not your best class).

You two spent the lesson showing the other students up as you easily changed everything and answered questions correctly. Lily was even struggling a bit at the rate you and Sirius were commenting. Of course, yours were more sincere than Sirius’ sarcastic answers (that were always correct in some sense) but you two still ruled the lesson.

You all left the lesson, you headed down to the dungeons for potions with Remus and James while Peter, Sirius and Lily went to divinations. It was a tense silence, you walking ahead of the boys with your head down and your books pressed against your chest. James joined you in front which you were grateful for, but you knew he was trying to get you to talk to Remus. You just needed a little while, and you told him as much. He just nodded and continued walking with you to potions. You sat towards the back of the class and left Remus and James to sit in your usual spots. Someone sat besides you and you were about to ask them to move when you noticed it was Jacob.

“Hey!” You smiled kindly at the slytherin sitting beside you.

“Hi. I forgot we shared this class. You don’t mind if I?” You shook your head.

“No, of course not.” He smiled.

“You're normally sitting next to Lupin and Potter, right?”

“Yeah. Remus is my twin and we kind of just got the same group of friends. Surprising, right?" You chuckled and he chuckled with you. Slughorn began to teach and the two of you went to work on the assignment together. It wasn't a hard potion today. At least for you it wasn’t. Potions was your best class, although Slughorn was a terrible teacher. Well, it actually wasn't your best subject. That was defense against the dark arts. Potions was a close second.

"Alright class, for your next assignment you will be working with the person at your table for. You will be brewing and writing on a potion I will randomly select for each of you," you looked over at Jacob with a smile.

"Looks like we're partners," you beamed. He smiled back excitedly.

"Looks like it, Lupin. I'll start cleaning up, why don't you go up and get our assignment?" He suggested. You nodded and headed to the front, meeting James on the way.

"You and Jacob?"

"Yeah. He's pretty good at it, so whatever potion we get should be a piece of cake." You smiled up at him. He only offered you a small one in return, making you falter in confusion.

What was that about?

He went back to his table with your brother and you walked up to Slughorn.

"Ah, miss. Lupin! I was surprised to see you not with your brother."

"We had a bit of a disagreement earlier. I'm Jacobs' partner. What potion would you like us to complete?" He looked at you for a moment before his face lit up with an idea.

"How about amortentia? Yes, that would suit you two nicely,” he declared. You rolled your eyes. That was the cheesiest potion he could have given you.

“Sounds great, professor! I’ll tell Jacob and we’ll get to work on it right away,” you turned and sulked back to your table. He noticed the look on your face.

“What did he give us?”

“Amortentia.” Jacob rolled his eyes.

“Honestly? How many times has he given that out to students, can’t he be the least bit more creative?” You chuckled and grabbed your bag from the back of your chair and clung it over your shoulder before gathering your notebook.

“I completely agree. So, how about we meet in the library tomorrow to start on the paper and divy up the work?”

“Sounds good to me!” He smiled as you two walked out of the classroom, chatting a bit more as you left. You were so caught up in your conversation with Jacob you missed a black haired boy waiting for the three of you. He was leaning up against the wall, as he normally did, with his hands in his pockets and his bag by his one foot. The sight of you walking out with Jacob made him freeze and just stop breathing all together.

James and Remus followed the two of you out a few seconds later, not paying any attention to what was going on with you as you laughed at something he had said. You were just standing in the middle of the hallway. What was that about?

“Sirius!” He snapped out of his trance when James’ voice cut through the air.

“Mmh?” He looked at Remus and James, who both had a worried look on their faces.

“You ok? You zoned out for about four minutes straight.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. What’s your sister doing hanging out with that Slytherin you told to piss off earlier?” Remus whipped around and stared at you as you laughed again, his eyes narrowing dangerously at the Slytherin boy. He was the reason you two were fighting in the first place. That was a lie and Remus knew it, but that didn’t mean he had to admit it.

”She’s partnered with him for the project,” James clarified, causing both Sirius and Remus to look at him.

“He sat beside her,” Remus practically growled, tossing another glance as you waved goodbye to him and he did the same.

“What did you expect when she didn’t want to sit by us? He obviously took a liking to her earlier in the hall.”

“Why didn’t she sit by you?” Sirius asked. “You two didn’t make up yet?” Remus grumbled something that no one could hear, but they didn’t really care. You started walking over, ignoring your brother’s presence all together.

“Hey, Sirius. Hey James. Ready to head to dinner?” It was quiet for a few seconds, Remus just staring at you.

“Yeah,” James finally broke the silence. “Lets-uh-let's get to dinner. Quickly.” He took you by your shoulder and started to rush you to the dining hall.

Nothing improved over the week. The full moon was coming closer, making both you and Remus even more on edge. The two of you had attempted to make up, but that just resulted in another, bigger, blow out. James and Peter had to hold Remus back as Sirius and Lily had to hold you back. Both of you were about to pumble each other. You finally threw a very nasty statement at him before storming up to your common room. In your defense he deserved it.

You started to distance yourself from all the Marauders, even Lily in some ways as you focused on your studies. You met Jacob in the library every day to work on your potion’s assignment, which seemed to get Sirius and Remus both in a twist, though one was better at hiding it than the other. That was when the third blow up happened. The day of the full moon.

“I can’t believe you are hanging around that Slytherin.” Remus spit out to you as you were all sitting in the common room before lunch. It was Saturday and none of you felt much like going outside since you would be out all night.

“Excuse me?” You asked with raised eyebrows, putting the book you were studying out of down.

“You heard me.”

“I did, and since when have you cared? Not like you've been in my life much,” you spat. He clenched his jaw and stared at you, all of your friends ready to jump in case you got into another fight.

“Since it's a blasted Sytherin.”

“That's not even a fair judgment. Have you ever even talked to him?”

“Why would I? A pretty boy pure blood who comes from a rich family?” he scoffed. “Sounds like a fun time.” You bristled.

“You just described Sirius!” You yelled. You turned to Sirius. “No offense, of course,” he held up his hands.

“You called me pretty, I’m happy.” You rolled your eyes at him, not helping the butterflies in your stomach when he said that.

“Yeah, but he isn’t a Slytherin!”

“You're condemning all Slytherins to being evil now?”

“Aren’t they?” you were both on your feet now, causing everyone else to join you.

“No you ignoramus! And if you could see two inches past your fucking nose, then you would know that!”

“Name one person other than your precious boyfriend!”

“Slughorn!”

“Bet you can;t do it again.” He challenged. You sneered.

“Snape!” He laughed.

“Really? Him? You decide that he is not evil? Have you seen him?”

“Have you looked in the mirror much? You aren’t the model yourself!” He sneered.

“How about you?”

“What about me?:”

“You look as bad as I do, dare I say worse! And your chocolate consumption has become twenty times it normally is! Now you are hanging around a Slytherin and constantly fighting with me!”

“Me-” you laughed harshly and dramatically. Making it sound almost hysterical and mad. “Your the one who picks the fucking fight everytime!”

“Becuase you make stupid descions!”

“Like hitting a beast in the back with a chair from the top of a two story house?”

“Y/N,” Lily warned from beside you.

“To only save your arse from becoming what I am!”

“Yeah, well, bang up job, Remus Lupin! A for effort I suppose!”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Silencio!” Lily yelled, pointing her wand at you. You yelled a string of curses at her and your brother before storming out of the common area. She shot Remus a glare, something that didn’t happen often.

“You know, she’s going to Hogsmead with him next weekend. I suggest you get your act together before then and actually support something your sister is doing before you remove her from your life completely,” she hissed and chased after you. All the boys were frozen from, not only Lily’s scolding, but the fact that you were going to Hogsmead with him. Sirius felt ill and just stood in place, frozen.

“Great,” James mumbled. “They’re both broken now. At least we are ok, Peter,” He looked over to where Peter had been standing. Now the boy was passed out on the ground. James sighed and shook his head. “Never mind.”

Lily found you in your normal spot, silently crying to yourself. She removed the spell and your sobs were so loud she almost silenced you again. She sat down besides you, but you made no move to put your head on her shoulder like you normally did.

She knew you didn’t want to talk to her right now. She knew it was Sirius that you wanted to speak to, but you had just announced that you were going to Hogsmead with Jacob. Sirius was trying to get over that fact.

“We should probably go meet Sev,” she murmured in your ear. “The potion will make you feel better.” You just shook your head and tried to catch your breath.

“I-I’m fine. I just… I just need a minute.”

“You are going to hate me for saying this, but you need to make up with your brother and tell Sirius how you feel. You made it seem like you and Jacob were going on a date when you know that's not what's happening.” She scolded. You nodded your head, not being able to catch your breath from how hot you were, especially with all the clothes you had on.

“Can-can you help me get the jacket off? Please?” She nodded and started to pull at the sleeve, revealing an arm full of scars. You pulled the other sleeve off, prevailing a second arm full of scars. Your breathing slowed and you were finally able to catch your breath.

You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes.

“I didn’t let anything slip. They-they don;t know anything, right?”

“I almost let you. But that wasn’t the right way to do it.” You nodded gratefully, tracing some of the scars on your arm. You were more on edge today, but, for once, you don;t think chocolate would help. But that was only because of Remus’ comment earlier.

“We should probably get your potion from Sev. I have a feeling tonight's going to be one of your… worse… ones.” You nodded, feeling it too. This wasn;t just going to be an irritating night, this was going to be a full on transformation.

“I’ll have to tie myself down in the Room of Requirement tonight,” you nodded, agreeing.

“I don’t see why you tie yourself down. You take the potion.”

“What if it doesn’t work one night? You are going to have a second werewolf around and on the grounds. It's better if I just tie myself up and be prepared.” She sighed, knowing you wouldn’t see reason in this.

“Will you at least let me be in there with you?”

“Merlin, Lily! No! Are you mad?”

“Remus at least has-”

“And Remus is a normal werewolf. I am not. Something could go wrong at any moment and I am not letting anyone get remotely close to me. You know that!”

“I’m just saying-”

“No!” her eyes widened as you snapped at her. “It's not happening, so stop asking,” you stood up and walked out of the alcove in a huff, leaving her slightly stunned, your jacket sitting where you had once occupied. She thought about going after you and giving it back, but maybe this was what you needed. Someone else to know your secret.

You realized too late that you had forgotten your jacket and turned around to get it when you heard Sirius.

“Y/N! Wait a minute!” You froze before bolting in the direction towards the alcove you knew your jacket would be in. “Y/N!” He called after you again, his voice getting closer. You pushed yourself to run faster, only making you trip over your feet in the process and tumble to the ground with a cry. You were so close to your jacket. But Sirius caught up and froze when he saw your arms. His mouth opened and closed quickly.

You grabbed him and shoved him into an empty classroom, locking the door behind you and turning back to him. He was still staring at your arms and you sighed in frustration, letting a long string of profanities fall from your lips and you paced the room, pulling the skin from your lips, trying to figure out what to do.

You could obliviate him. Of course, that wasn’t the best course of action. You really didn’t want to obliviate your best friend. While you were thinking he came back to his senses.

“Y/N?”

“Mh?” You hummed, still thinking about what to do. He grabbed you and turned you towards him.

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?” His eyes scanned your arms.

“What happened?” You bit your lip and continued to pull it apart with your teeth. WHat could you tell him? “Y/N?”

“You're gonna kill me,” you mumbled and closed your eyes moving away from him and running your hand over your face.

“I-I won’t. Just-”

“I can’t, Sirius. I can’t tell you.” You looked back towards him with nothing but sorrow in your eyes. “I’m sorry. I just can’t tell you.” Then the pieces fit together. Your mood swings during the full moons, you always carrying chocolate and your ears always perking when you heard the wrapper. The way you “just knew” when someone was close by or something was headed your way.

“Please don’t tell me-”

“Please don’t worry about it,” you begged.

“I am staring at your scared arms. How am I not supposed to worry about it?” He raised his voice. It wasn’t a yell, but it still made you flinch. He noticed and lowered his voice again. “Y/N, I need you to tell me the truth here,” you looked down and he walked closer to you. Careful steps. Very careful steps. “That night Remus got turned into a werewolf, did he-” you nodded. Tears welling in your eyes. “But you can transform into an animagus.” You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“I’m not a full one. I get testy around the full moon, but don’t always turn. And I carry the chocolate for Remus, mostly.” He shook his head.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because Remus has it ten times worse than me. Please don’t tell him,” you begged.

“Don’t tell him? How am I supposed to not tell him?”

“By keeping your mouth shut?” You attempted the joke, but he just shook his head at you. “Please. I am begging you, Sirius. I really need to meet Sev and I need my jacket an-”

“Snape?” You looked away and bit your lip. “Why do you…”

“He’s the best one at potions in our year. He was the only one who can, well, you know.”

“That's why you protected him when Remus said that stuff about Slytherins.”

“He’s helped me out since second year. And with all the turmoil happening between me and everyone, tonights going to be bad. I really need to get the potion off him. Like now. Please, I will tell you everything later, just please let me go and please don’t tell Remus.” His leg bounced as he stared at you from the table he sat down at. He shrugged off his own jacket and threw it over your shoulders.

“Get your potion. I expect everything to be explained tomorrow and I will not tell your brother, yet.” You smiled and hugged him, throwing your arms around his neck.

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.” You mumbled into his neck as he hugged you back.

“Yeah yeah. Just be careful, ok?” he set you firmly on the ground again. “Promise me.” You nodded and slid your hands through the arm holes of his jacket. It was far too big for you, but you didn’t really care. First off because it was hiding your scars. Second off, you had Sirius Black’s jacket on, and that may or may not have made your heart beat out of your chest. And then if you add the way he was looking at you on top of that, you were dead.

“I promise. Thank you, Sirius. You are a life saviour.” You left the room and he stood staring at that door, cursing himself and needed to find Lily, pronto.

“Evans!” He yelled into the great hall where the red head was sitting. She looked over at him with an eye roll, but then noticed his serious expression. Which was, ironically, something he rarely had on his face. She stood up and scurried over to him and he pulled her out of the great hall. “You knew, didn;t you? About Y/N.” She shrugged, guilty.

“She made me swear to secrecy. Do you know where she went? She got mad at me and stomped off without her jacket. I’m assuming you-”

“Saw her hundreds of scars? Yes.”

“She showed you all of them” She creased her eyebrows and his eyes narrowed.

“All? Where is all?” Lily swallowed.

“Everywhere?” His eyes flickered down the hall, almost as if he were looking for you.

“Why does she have more than Remus?”

“Her body heals differently and she didn’t have the ointment he gets from the hospital wing, despite my persistent begging for her to get it.”

“Does her boyfriend know about this?”

“Her what?”

“Jacob. The Slytherin.”

“Sirius, they aren’t dating.”

“But he’s taking her to Hogsmead.”

“To help him pick out a gift for his little sister’s birthday. I said that in the heat of the moment. She was pissed at Remus. Please, don’t make her feel worse about keeping this a secret. And no, she just met him a week ago. She’s known Remus since she was born and you since everywhere in between.” Sirius looked down the hall again before back at Lily.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Do not tell Remus until after the full moon tonight. They are both on edge and it's not going to be a pretty fight.” Sirius nodded, recalling how badly he had wanted to yell at her for not telling them about this.

“Anything else?”

“Go easy on her. It had to of taken a lot of guts not to obliviate you on the spot.” Sirius nodded, knowing she had contemplated it for a split second.

“Yeah, ok. I can do that.”

“Thank you, Sirius. You're a good friend.” He scoffed.

“Tell that to Mooney when he’s beating the daylights out of me.” Lily put a hand on his shoulder before disappearing back into the Great Hall. “He’s gonna kill me for this,” Sirius mumbled before following her into the hall.

You had just finished tying the ropes onto your arms. They were charmed so no matter what tugged at them they would hold you in place until the full moon was over. You had tied them extra tight tonight for precaution. Lily walked in with her arms full of chocolate and some other food for before and after the full moon.

“Do you have to tie them so tight?”

“Yes,” You grunted as you pulled one more time to triple check if they were tight enough.

“Sirius pulled me aside today,” she hummed slightly and took a seat in front of you on the floor. You glanced at his jacket.

“Speaking of,” you said before she could say anything. “Can you return his jacket? I don’t want it to get ruined or anything and I didn’t see him before I came here.”

“You didn;t see him because you didn’t want to. You can’t avoid him or telling our friends about this.”

“Yeah, but I can put it off for as long as possible.” She shook her head at you.

“You are unbelievable.”

“Yep. Can you pass some chocolate over please.” She started to grab it but you changed your mind. “Actually, just hand me the grapes.” She paused and looked up at you.

“Is this about what Remus said?” You looked away from her. “Y/N/N. Is this about what Remus said?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“He didn’t mean-”

“Yeah he did. My brother may be a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them. Especially during a full moon.”

“Well, I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

“I’m pretty sure he did.” She just shook her head and handed you the chocolate which you reluctantly (not really) took and began to devour.

“You should get out of here, Lily. It’ll be starting in a little.”

“You took the potion?” You nodded and gestured to an empty vile a few feet away from you. She picked it up and gathered Sirius’s coat. “Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks again, Lily. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.” And then she left, leaving you to munch on chocolate in the deafening silence. Counting the seconds until it would begin.

Lily stepped through the doors and back into the hallway, she looked at Sirius who was leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

“I’m going to murder Remus later,” she grumbled and walked down the hall. Sirius jogged after her.

“Why?”

“Here’s your jacket. You know that comment he made about her eating a lot of chocolate?” Sirius took his jacket back and nodded. “She took it to heart and doesn’t want to eat it any more. Well, as much as she normally does. And it makes her feel as close to as hundred percent as she can get around this time.” Sirius frowned. “You know, she cares so much about Remus, and I really don’t think he gets that,” Lily shook her head.

“I think you may be right,” Sirius mumbled and looked back down the hallway the two of them had just come from.

You woke on the floor in the Room. The floor was ice cold and your clothes were in shreds and were hanging onto your body loosely. You were bleeding here and there and sat back, rubbing the back of your neck you groan. You could see the sun was rising from the window the room always provided you.

You glanced at the pile of chocolate and went to get it before you untied yourself but stopped. No. You didn’t need anything right now. You’d be fine.

You undid the rope on your arms and legs. You held your wrists carefully, they were bruised and splattered with dry blood from you tugging at them and flinched every time you ran your hand over an open cut.

Shaking yourself, you stood up and grabbed a fresh set of clothes and your “Journal”. After every full moon you would write down what you remembered, just to get it out of your head. You never talked about it, like your brother did. He really didn;t have to, but you knew that he always needed to get it out to. So instead of making his friends hear it since they were already there with him, he told you.

You quickly rinsed the blood off yourself to the best of your ability until you could take a shower, and tossed on a pair of oversized sweatpants and a tank top with a jacket. The room had provided you with a couch, which you gratefully took with a book, your journal, and some of the non-chocolate food Lily had brought with her yesterday. It would be a while until you would be mentaly fine enough to leave.

Remus was in the medical wing sleeping, three of the four boys asleep in the uncomfortable chairs that surrounded his bed, as usual. Madame Pomfrey had been up and had been ready to tend to Remus’ wounds as usual and had left him and the boys to sleep. James and Peter found it easy to slip into sleep for the rest of the morning, but Sirius found it harder than normal, and he knew it was because of you.

After his ninth attempt to fall asleep he rose and left the room, a silent nod to the healer sitting at her cabinet and writing something, before he left through the doors and quickly made his way to the Room of Requirement.

No one was up yet, he didn’t even know if you were. But he knew no one should have to go through that alone, which you obviously had been doing since second year. It just didn’t sit right with him. He stopped at the wall leading to the Room of Requirement and waited for doors to form. Which they did. He opened the door quietly and stepped in to see you on the couch you looked up, expecting Lily.

“Sirius?”

“Hey.”

“How’d you know where I was?”

“Lily.”

“Right. Well, shouldn’t you be asleep in the hospital wing then?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” He shrugged and sat on the couch you were occupying. “Studying?” You shrugged and moved some of your notes, still not emotionally or mentaly stable enough to deal with people. But because it was him, and your emotions were still in a knot of confusion, you let him stay.

Did your heart always beat this fast when he was this close?

“Did you get your jacket back?” You picked up a piece of chocolate. “Chocolate?” He grabbed the bar and opened it.

“Yeah, Lily gave it back to me yesterday. I was a little disappointed not to see you before the full moon.” You shrugged and ate a strawberry, eyeing Sirius’s chocolate with want, but resisted opening your own.

“I took the potion and rushed in here to get ready,” you motioned to the ropes on the ground; you hadn’t had the energy to clean it up yet.

“Ropes?” His gaze flickered between you, the ropes and your hands, which you were playing with nervously. “You… tie yourself down?” He looked almost horrified.

“Yeah,” you looked at the wall. “Precautions. I don’t take them lightly.” He didn’t know what to say to that. He knew Remus was cautions about this but tying yourself up like that while you went through the agony of transforming?

“Let me see your hands,” he reached out to you, but the motion only made you bring them into yourself. You got shit from Lily when she saw them, you didn’t need that twice. “Y/N, please.” You swallowed and handed them to him. His leg started to bounce at the new, red marks on your wrists.

“It-it's really fine.” you tried to pull them back, but he didn’t let you. He didn’t look up at you and you waited for him to start yelling. Lily always did.

“How bad does it hurt?” You were shocked by the amount of kindness in his voice. You swallowed.

“Uh-not terribly. I mean, my wrists are kind of used to getting torn up like this, so I mean…” You bit your lip and tried to peel the layers off. “I mean, I guess it kind of stings. ANd my back kind aches, but uh… its.. Uh.. fine.”

“Why don’t you go to the hospital wing?”

“Because you guys and Remus are there. If I showed up every full moon when you were all there, it would be a bit suspicious, don’t ya think?”

“Yes, but you’re injured.” You shrugged sadly.

“I've had worse than a few rope burns. I mean, you’ve seen my arms.”

“And Lily said that's not even close to the end of your scars,” you flinched slightly. Which was he talking about? Mentaly or physically?

You knew this wasn;t the moment to be exactly thinking it, but damn when he wanted to he could literally be so gentle and it made you want to burst.

“Yeah. Before the potion and figuring out the rope charm it was pretty bumpy. I mean, it's still not exactly smooth sailing, but- I’m rambling now,” you shook your head and pulled your hands away from him, tucking your hands into your sleeves.

“Have you eaten any chocolate yet?” He asked, rising and making his way to the pile on the floor.

“I haven’t really felt like it,” you shrugged, not even attempting to make the lie seem real. He rolled his eyes and started rifling through the bars.

“Liar.” He grabbed one and tossed it to you. “Here. Eat this, you’ll feel better.”

“I’m fine, Sirius. Really.” You poked at the bar a few times, contemplating taking it. “You look exhausted though. You were out with my brother all night, you should get some sleep.”

“So should you.” You rolled your eyes and looked back down at the potions book in your hands.

“I have to study for this potions assignment with Jacob. I’ve been too distracted with this past full moon.”

“Yes I can see how turning into a werewolf would be distracting,” he scoffed and took the book from your hands.

“Sirius,” you whined.

“What potion did you even get?” His face fell a bit when he noticed the love potion on the page. The majority of the students who did this potion together ended up together.

“It's easy, but a lot of information,” you sighed and grabbed the book back. “I mean, not easy easy. But its,” you shook your head. “Never mind. Forget it,” you sighed and ran your hands over your face.

“Who do you think you're gonna smell?” He asked, leaning back casually, even though he hated himself for asking.

“Probably no none. And the person I hope I smell, well I doubt they'd even consider me,” you rolled your eyes. “I’ll probably smell chocolate and lavender. Or something like that.” But in your head you weren;t thinking about chocolate and lavender. Ok, that was a lie. You were thinking about chocolate, it was right in front of you and your sensitive sense of smell was amplifying it. But you were really expecting to smell was the boy sitting next to you. And you knew you wouldn’t mix his scent with anyone else's.

“Heh. They’d be crazy not to, love.” You blushed but buried your head into your book further. He looked over at you and bounced his leg a few more times.

“You should probably get back to Rem. I’ll probably follow you a bit later to check in on him and give him some chocolate.” He frowned.

“Shouldn;t you be eating all this?”

“I only normally eat a few pieces and give the rest to him. He has it worse than me.” You shrugged. “He deserves it more.”

“And aren’t you supposed to be mad at him?” You shrugged again.

“How my full moons go are based on my emotions. It's better to make up with him. Make everything go back to normal, like it normally does when we get into an argument.”

“Ok, but it wasn;t fair the way he treated you. I know he was on edge, but-”

“Sirius, it's fine. Really. We were both just on edge. And it was fair. I mean, not the Slytherin comments, but the rest of it was.”

“Will you at least eat something before you go? Or get some sleep?”

“I slept plenty after my transformation and I ate lots.”

“Chocolate,” He said exasperatedly. “Eat some chocolate.” You took the bar of chocolate he had given you and took a bite out of it.

“Never thought someone would have to make me eat chocolate.”

“Never thought I’d have to make you,” you frowned, thinking back to your twin's comment.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you would just eat it without even thinking. Ever since Remus made that comment-”

“Rightfully said,” you hummed cutting him off. He sighed and took your book again, kneeling in front of you.

“Why do you care so much about what he says? Especially when he’s not himself?”

“Because I need to make him feel happier. He’s like this because of me. Because of my mistake to want to see the stars he’s in pain.”

“And so are you. Why do you keep torturing yourself?”

“I’m not. I just… I don’t know. God I’m such a mess afterwards,” you groaned, tears pricking your eyes.

“Yeah, well, that's expected,” he smirked and it made you give hima laugh-sob in reply. “Here,” he urged, handing you the half finished chocolate bar. You took a desperate few bites out of it and let the tears fall. He wiped them away quickly and let his hand fall on your knee. “Better?” you nodded and wiped your face to rid it of any chocolate.

“Yeah, sor-”

“Don’t apologize. You should sleep. You look absolutely horrid,” you laughed pitifully and nodded, finally admitting to your exhaustion.

“Yeah, ok. You might be right.”

“Might be? I’m always right.” You laughed again and went to stand up.

“Yeah yeah. Alright. You're always right. I’ll sleep after I make sure Remus is alright.” You promised.

He wanted to argue but knew he wouldn’t win.

“Alright. Come on. Then I’m taking you straight to the dorm room.”

“I have to clean up first. Go ahead, I’ll follow.” He shook his head.

“I’ll come back later and do it.”

“Sirius-”

“No arguing. Come on,” he dragged you out of the room. You visited your brother who was still asleep. James and Peter were up and waiting for Remus to wake up. Once you saw him Sirius dragged you out and to your dorm room forcing you to go to sleep or he would make you eat chocolate until you turned into it. You gladly fell into a dreamless sleep, unknowing of him wrapping your wrists since you were such a heavy sleeper.

You woke up on Monday when Lily shook you awake for class. You could tell she felt bad about it, but you assured her it was fine. You noticed your hands were wrapped and wondered who had done it. That's when you noticed your stomach growling. Quickly you got dressed and shoved chocolate into your bag for Remus and ran down to the Great Hall where everyone already was. You took your usual seat in between Remus and Sirius.

“Hey!” You said cheerfully and grabbed some food and put it on your plate. “Rem, could you pass me the chocolate chip muffins please?” He did so as if nothing was wrong and even bumped your shoulder with his. Sirius just watched, not understanding how your three huge fights could so easily turn back to this. All your classes went as usual, even lunch went well.

Then it was time for potions. You walked in with James and Remus but had to make your way to Jacob instead of sitting with them. You had decided it would be fair to split the research and then have him write the essay while you made the potion.

“Hey Jacob!” You smiled brightly at the Slytherin.

“Hello, Y/N. You have your half of the research?” You nodded and handed him your papers. Excellent. Should we get started then?”

“Sounds good to me! Who do you think you’ll smell?” He glanced over at a hufflepuff with bright red hair across the room.

“I hope I know who.” You smiled. “You?” You blushed.

“I wish. I mean, I have an idea, but they’ll never like me back, especially now.” He shook his head.

“You're super cool, Y/N/N. They’d be insane not to.”

“Thanks, Jacob. Let's get to it then?”

“Lets!” For the rest of class the two of you worked, quietly chatting occasionally as you finished the project together. You heard an explosion and glanced up and Remus and James who were just staring at their cauldron. James obviously being the one who added the wrong ingredient. You snorted and went back to your own potion mixing it together carefully, the brew being the perfect shade of pink. He sat up in his seat and looked at you wide eyed. “It's finished?”

You smiled. “You smell it already? It still has a few hours of brewing.” He nodded. He looked over to the hufflepuff boy.

“Yeah. I can smell it. You?” You swallowed and took a whiff.

Gasoline, smoke, cinnamon apples and chocolate. God that was it. That was him.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “Yeah I smell it.” Slughorn came over and looked into the cauldron.

“My my, looks like you two are finished already! Is your essay finished as well?” You looked over at Jacob who wrote a few more things down and handed it to Slughorn who skimmed it, seeming to be happy with it. “Splendid splendid. Well done you two. You can be finished for today. As a matter of fact, everyone is dismissed if you feel like you are finished. We will be continuing this tomorrow and then they will be due the next day.” The class erupted into chatter and the Hufflepuff boy came over, Jacob held his breath as he stopped in front of him smelling the air. He looked over at him, lust blown eyes.

He bit his lip and sauntered out of the room with a swing to his hips, glancing back at him before leaving the door. You chuckled as he just stared, gawking.

“Go get him, Lover boy!” He grinned at you and ran out of the room after the Hufflepuff. You cleaned up as the room emptied. You told Remus and James to go on without you to lunch. You would be there for a few minutes.

You continued to clean up the station, not bothering to stop smelling your potion, the scent put you at ease. It always did. And you really needed to be at ease right then.

You walked back over to your workbench to see Sirius entering the room.

“Hey, Sirius!” You smiled and he smiled back before stopping, smelling the air. He looked at the potion, swallowed and then back at you. You frowned and went back to cleaning up, making sure not to look at him. But you couldn’t help but wonder who he was smelling. It was clearly not you.

He began to help you clean up and the air was suddenly tense between you. And you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“So, who do you smell?” You asked, jumping onto the work table and cocking your head at him. He shrugged. “Come on, I want to know. As your best friend, I have a right to know.” He hummed in response and inclined his head.

“Just like how I had a right to know your secret?” You looked away.

“I said I was sorry. I just, I was scared if it got out that Remus would find out. I just didn’t want Remus to know that he got turned and I got turned. I would have much rather it been me and only me rather than the both of us.”

“I would've rather it be neither of you,” you smiled up at him.

“Yeah, same. So who do you smell?”

“Why don;t you tell me?” he countered and you chewed your lip. “Come on, just tell me,” he got closer to you, smiling as he glanced up at him. You have no idea where the rush of courage came from. But it came.

“You,” you shrugged, he went wide eyed and stepped back, coughing.

“M-me?” You shrugged, playing it off.

“You,” he smirked at you, composing himself again.

“And what exactly do I smell like?” He asked, placing a hand on either side of your body. You thought about it for a moment, but you knew. Even without him right in front of you and the potion right beside you, you knew.

“Gasoline and smoke from that motorcycle you always work on, Cinnamon and apples because though you’d never admit it they are your favorite, and chocolate because you're always around me or Rem.” he stared at you. You narrowed your eyes at him. “Who do you smell?” It took him a moment to find his voice, and each second he took you waited in agony. What if you just confessed to your best friend and he didn’t like you back. But he smiled after a moment.

“You,” he replied simply, making your eyes go wide. You had been hoping, but it was actually the last thing you had expected to hear.

“An-and what exactly do I smell like?”

“Lavender, from that motorizer you always wear before you go to sleep, chocolate because you practically survive on the stuff- which is adorable-, and ink because you are constantly spilling it all over the place,” as he spoke his voice had gotten lower and lower, and with his voice his gaze also dropped. It dropped all the way down to your lips which you were playing with.

“Wo-wow,” you stuttered out, not knowing how to react. WHat do you do? You were panicking. And before you could say anything or do anything, his lips were on yours and he was standing in between your legs. His mouth was warm on yours and you wrapped your arms around his neck bringing him closer as he brought his hands to your hips to bring you closer. But then a familiar thought rang through your head.

You don’t deserve this…

“Sirius, wait,” you pulled away and he leaned away from you, his hands still on your hips, he looked at you curiously.

“What's wrong?”

“I-I don’t deserve this. I-I can’t put you through this.” He scrunched his eyebrows together.

“What do you mean?” You buried your head in your hands and shook your head. Headache was approaching and you needed your chocolate. After the full moon was never as bad as before, but that didn���t mean you didn’t have your share of problems.

Sirius seemed to sense your need for chocolate because he dove into your bag and pulled out a piece, unwrapping it for you. He handed it to you and you took it gratefully.

“Can you explain what you meant?”

“You deserve better than me. I mean. You're you. And who am I? I’m a weirdo screw up who got her brother bitten by a werewolf.”

“No,” he pulled your face back up to his and looked at you. “You are perfect. I have had a crush on you since second year. And I’ll be damned if I let your insecurities get in the way of me taking care of you.”

“But-”

He shoved the chocolate back into your mouth, shaking his head.

“Do you like me?” you nodded as you chewed the chocolate. He smiled and pecked your lips, your mouth still full of chocolate. “That's all that matters to me. I think we have a few things to tell your brother now though,” you frowned and nodded sadly. You didn’t want to, you really didn’t. He kissed you again and you brought him in closer. You still felt guilty, and you knew you always would. You couldn’t change that. But you could try for him. You could be the best for him. Because the boy standing in front of you, wiping excess chocolate from his own mouth, he was everything you had ever wanted.

And you would be everything he ever wanted in return.

[missdawnandherdusk]

Beautiful Ghosts

Ghost!Reader X Draco

Summary: Request: @sydthekid1518​: I had an Idea for a draco fic, where y/n is a ghost that’s fairly popular with the students and staff, and draco falls for her and stuff? And then maybe y/n and Harry create a plan that would allow reader to come back to life and stuff and be with draco.

A/N: Happy spooky season to all and to all a good night filled with Draco Malfoy. I’m so excited about how this turned out and that I got it done before Halloween because the odds weren’t looking to hot not gonna lie, but here it is and it’s beautiful. As always, let me know what y’all think,,,

“Y/n, please don’t disturb my students,” Snape droned with a monotone voice.

“You’ve got no power over me, Severus,” I laughed, ghosting away from his Slytherins working on Polyjuice potion.

“But I do have control in this classroom, dead or not Miss Y/n, this is my domain,” Snape argued, ruffled.

“I’m eternally bonded to this school. It’s my domain more than it is yours,” I countered, perched on his desk.

“Blasted ghosts,” A boy muttered, catching my attention, “No respect for authority,”

Tilting my head, I made my way over to him, studying the young Slytherin. He was about the age that I was when I had died, moved on, crossed the veil—whatever. His steady grey eyes and twisted sneer told me all that I needed to know about him.

“Another Malfoy,” I mused. “Interesting... And where’s your respect for the dead Mr. Malfoy?”

His eyes went wide at the idea that I was addressing him at all. Like I spooked him. Imagine that, a ghost spooking someone.

“Enough Ms. Y/n. Kindly refrain from scaring my students if you must stay,” Snape intervened. “I’m not scared,” Malfoy shot back.

“Boo!” I teased before passing through the walls of the dungeon and into my favorite spot in the entire castle, even living: the library.

I never had so much time on my hands before being dead, and now I could just take a book and read. Pince had been able to enchant them in such a way that I was able to hold them and turn their pages still. I was in the middle of a riveting tale about a boy who never grew up and had his destiny forced upon him and could fly. Perched on one of the tops of the shelves, I was lost in another world of magic.

“I didn’t know you could read,” I heard the same condescending voice from Severus’ potions class earlier that day.

“Little Malfoy,” I smiled down at him, closing my book. “And why would you assume that? I don’t look that stupid, do I?”

“Well, no,” He fumbled. “But you’re a ghost, you’re dead,”

“Yes, and I like to read, anything else?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Don’t call me little Malfoy. My name’s Draco,” He huffed.

“But it annoys you,” I mocked a pout. “And you are a little Malfoy, a bit taller than your father, but young all the same,”

“Who are you calling young? We’re the same age,” His voice raised enough that Pince had to shush him.

“I was born in 1776, I think you’re a little young,”

“1776!?” Draco’s eyes bulged. “But... how? You’re...” Pince hushed him again. I floated down and perched on the desk, trying and failing to contain my laughter.

“Oh, so now you care little Malfoy?” I teased lightly. “What happened to your dismissal of spirits not hours ago?” He didn’t have an answer for that. He just stared and didn’t dare to meet my eyes. “If you really want to know, I’ll tell you some time, but you’re going to be late for McGonagall if you don’t get going,”

Flustered, Draco headed out of the library and I watched him go. Knowing that Remus had a class this hour with the infamous Harry Potter, I headed over and perched on a desk in the back.

“Miss Y/n,” Remus acknowledged, “Perhaps you’d like to aid us today as we learn about ghosts and spirits?” Even though he had grown quite a bit over the years, there was still the same shine in his eyes when he was able to teach—even if it wasn’t a rag-tag group of marauders.

“So... you’re a ghost?” A young Hermione asked, a girl who spent a lot of hours in my library.

“Yes,” I smiled at her. “There are different types of ghosts however,”

“Oh, yes, Poltergeists, Funnels, Whisps, Orbs, and Shades,” She said matter-of-factly.

“Exactly, and Hogwarts has them all,” I looked to Remus who nodded for me to continue. “Most of you know that Peeves is a Poltergeist, a trickster loud ghost. Sometimes they were loud and violent, sometimes... well sometimes you have something like Peeves.” The class laughed.

“I’m sure you all have heard of the Grey Lady?” Remus interjected. “Helena Ravenclaw was murdered by the Bloody Baron and spends the rest of her days here at Hogwarts, they are both what we classify as Funnel ghosts. Ghosts who visit loved ones or loved places,”

“What about Whisps?” An intrigued Weasley asked.

“Well, most others are Whisps,” I explained. “Nearly Headless Nick, the Fat Friar, and most others you see strolling about. There is no strict reason that they’re here, other than they chose not to move on, or felt their work on earth was not completed.”

“Orbs are normally the spirits of animals or humans travelling about,” I continued, “They mainly show up in photographs. It wasn’t till after I died that cameras were invented, and they were found,”

“Any what kind of ghost are you?” A shy kid in the back asked. The class of kids turned to me, all expectant.

“I’m a Shade,” I explained. “It means that when I died, I wasn’t meant to. My soul knowing that, remained, and here I am,”

“Shades are very rare in the Wizarding World,” Remus cut in, “Not many are killed before their time, and many of them are very young,”

“Aren’t Shades allowed to come back though?” Hermione asked. “Because they were wrongfully killed? Doesn’t fate allow them another chance?”

Remus and I shared a look. I remembered when he had asked me that same question when he was no more than a third year as well. There was a solemn sorrow in his eyes.

“Yes,” I answered hesitantly. “There is a possibility, but the odds are almost impossible. Most of them have to do around prophecies.”

Class had ended, and Hermione waved as she went to leave. I lingered behind a bit with Remus for old times’ sake. He was one who had always been kind to me. I was one who never judged him for being a werewolf before he found his marauders.

“Sirius escaped from Azkaban,” He whispered softly, his gaze fixed on the papers on his desk. “I... I thought I was over it. Over him. He had my best friends killed,”

Pity flooded my chest as I hovered over to him, my hand ghosting above his.

“That wasn’t your fault Remus...” Was I going to give away the truth that I knew? Or would I keep it a secret? “And it wasn’t Sirius’ either,”

“How can you say that!” Remus slammed his hand on the desk. “He gave away Lily and James’ location! Then he killed Peter!”

“Remus,” I shook my head. “I can’t tell you everything, because it’s not in the stars, but... your friend isn’t who you think he is,”

A quiet moment passed between us and rather than get upset at me like I had thought he would, he spoke softly and surely.

“You’re... you’re saying there’s hope?”

“There’s always hope,” I offered a soft smile. “For all of us... even me,”

“How are you doing with that? The prophecy?” He asked.

I sighed and shook my head. “I might really be stuck like this for the rest of... forever...” 

“Is there anything...?”

“No,” I denied softly. “Interfering with a prophecy can ruin it,”

“Can,” Remus stressed. “Not that it will,”

“But is it worth that risk?” I countered. “I could lose my one shot to come back. To be human again,”

“If I could be human again, I’d take any chance I could,” Remus’ eyes held a sadness that very few could sympathize with. One of those was me.

“Perhaps you’re right,” I murmured and let him be, drifting around the halls for a bit then back to the library to think some more and maybe find the right answer.

What I didn’t expect to find however was Draco, fast asleep where we had spoken earlier, draped over a few books and handwritten notes. I hadn’t noticed the late hour, sometimes time did elude me, and the days seemed to run together.

I didn’t want to wake the young Malfoy, instead, I peered at the books underneath him. Potions books, it seemed. Supposing that a Slytherin might have a partiality to Snape’s class, there was no need to question why he’d rather work on this subject than the others. Knowing Pince would chase Draco out of the library if he didn’t wake, my notion to not disturb him fell to the wayside.

“Malfoy!” I whispered loudly. “Draco, wake up!”

It was useless to try and shake him awake, I wasn’t able to. I could however pull the book out from under his resting head. So, I did.

“Bloody hell,” Draco grumbled, rubbing his eyes. “What’d you do that for?” 

“You fell asleep?”

“And that was the only way you know how to wake a person?” He snapped, blinking into consciousness.

I gave him a flat look and reached out to touch him. He shied away, but it was in vain because my hand passed right through his material body.

“Oh,” He muttered. “But you can touch the books?”

“Pince and I worked on that together,” I informed him. “Did you think I would spend eternity and not figure out how to read?”

“I... uh,” He stammered, blushing a bit. “How come I’ve never met a ghost like you before?” 

“And that means?” I pressed, perching on the desk.

“Well, all of the other ghosts are... I don’t know... stuck in their ways? Not sad about being ghosts? Haven’t kept up on things like reading?”

“You think I’m sad about being a ghost?” I mused.

“I... you—I mean,” He stammered, looking down in embarrassment. “You just seem... optimistically hopeless,” It was almost mumbled through his exhaustion.

“You know those words have opposite meaning, right?” I teased softly. “And... I’m a Shade. I doubt you’ve met another before like me,”

“A Shade?”

“Do you not pay attention in Remus’ class?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t have his class until tomorrow,” Draco dismayed. “And it’s a stupid class anyway,”

“Defense against the dark arts isn’t stupid,” I refuted. “Especially with Remus teaching it,”

“You knew him then... when he went here. Professor Lupin,” Draco noted.

“Yes,” Lost in thought, a quietness passed before I spoke again. “When you learn what a Shade is, you’ll understand,”

“You could just tell me,” Draco whined, listlessly tired.

“But then you won’t pay attention in class,” I smiled. “Go on to bed, Draco. I’m not going anywhere,”

____________________________

Draco sulked in bed that night, thinking about you. Thinking about what a Shade was. Of course, he didn’t wait for class in the morning, instead he took out his DADA book and began to read up on ghosts. And he read. And read. And read. And barely found anything about what a Shade was. All that he knew was that you died when before your time. Maybe that was why he saw the sadness in your eyes.

He had every intention to be at Lupin’s class that day, but having Mythical Creatures beforehand, things hadn’t gone as planned.

“There’s always one,” Your voice sounded amused. “Why am I not surprised it was you, Little Malfoy?”

“It was the bloody hippogriff,” Draco snapped back.

“And somehow I don’t think that’s the entire truth,” You mused, hovering at his bedside. Until Pomfrey gave him the clear to leave, he was stuck with you.

“Won’t you just leave me alone?” He groaned, closing his eyes and laying back on the lumpy pillows of the hospital cot.

“Did you not want to learn about Shades? You’re going to miss Remus’ class after all,” The smile he heard in your voice made him look over to you, skeptical.

Your offer was tempting. Very tempting. He didn’t care much about magic other than excelling at it, therefore things that didn’t pertain to his advancement—mythical creatures and the like— held no inkling to him. And yet, you were a mystery he didn’t mind learning about. He wanted to know more about you. And you specifically.

“I guess, since I’m stuck here,” He tried to play it off as nonchalance, but you raised an eyebrow at him, seeing right through his charade.

“Well, Little Malfoy,” You hovered and perched on the end of his bed. “What do you know?”

“I... uh. Shades are people who have died before their time,” He stammered, not sure why he was so nervous.

“Quite,” You nodded. “Anything else?”

“Our book didn’t have anything else,” He admitted.

You went pensive a moment then nodded. “I suppose that you’d learn more about me in Divination than the Dark Arts,”

“Divination? You’ve got to be bloody joking! That class is a circus!” Draco exclaimed, wincing when he moved his arm too much.

“Perhaps,” You didn’t berate him, but seemed to be lost in thought once more. “But all Shades are tied to prophecies.”

“All of them?” Draco pressed.

“The fates understand that these souls left before their time, and give them another chance, a prophecy... to come back and live one more time.”

“So, you have the chance to live again?” His genuine curiosity seemed to shock both of you. “How?”

“If the prophecy is fulfilled, then I get to live again,” You said it as if it were obvious. 

“So, why haven’t you, I don’t know... fulfilled it?” Draco asked.

You laughed something sad and soft. “Don’t you think I’ve tried? I’ve read every prophecy, every book, every scribble. I’ve tried everything... after so many centuries, you give up hope and accept your fate,”

“But this wasn’t your fate,” He argued back. “You were meant to live, back then, whatever that life was,”

“Do you know what happened when I was young, before I died, Little Malfoy?” You spoke, and he could hear the age in your voice though you liked no older than he was. It was your sorrow that aged you. He waited for you to continue. “I was born in 1776, the year the Americans went to war with the King of England. At the time we were living in the French countryside with my aunt because my father had gone to fight in the war. He was a general,” A smile ghosted your lips. “My father died in the war... the battle of Yorktown... that’s what it’s called today. Back then it was just a letter and inheritance money that went to my brother,”

“Hang on, you’re saying that your father fought in the American War of Independence? Under the king?”

“So, he can be taught,” You smiled at him. “Yes, the king at the time was a wizard and until parliament and the ministry were born and declared that muggles and wizards should rule themselves. Of course, the ministry was formed in the beginning of that century, but it took the war for them to call the final straw.”

“So, your father died in the war, that doesn’t explain what happened to you,” Draco pointed out, deeply invested.

“Well, tell me, what happened in France after that war ended?”

“The French Revolution,”

Your warm smile had the same effect as the sun. “Yes, and as I said, I was in France at the time, being tutored at home for the summer. Muggle girls weren’t allowed to go to school back then... I travelled to Hogwarts to receive schooling and even then, I was only allowed to learn Herbology and Potions. At least those two classes stayed the same,” You sounded sad and wistful. “But the revolutionists were going for the rich, any sort of rich. And at the time, they saw knowledge as wealth and power, and I had a reputation for being able to read and attending a private school out of the country and well...”

“They killed you because you knew how to read?” Draco distressed, sitting up, enraptured by your tale. “That’s so... stupid,”

“It was. But perhaps it was my own fault, I wouldn’t deny that I could read. I was proud.” Your smile faded again as melancholy settled on your face. “Now it seems that’s all I do. Fate is funny like that...”

“You’re free to go Mr. Malfoy,” Madam Pomfrey’s voice seemed to draw you both from whatever world had been created with your words.

He had to blink a few times to come to grips with the fact that he was currently in the hospital wing at Hogwarts, and not centuries behind, trying to imagine death for the reason of knowledge. There was an awkward moment between the two of you as you both seemed to realize that you were no longer int eh late eighteenth century. You offered a smile and left without another word, a curious look on your face as you left.

That was the last time he saw you that day, and that week for that matter, but he always wondered what you were doing. What were you reading today? What was your prophecy? Was it really as hopeless as you said it was? Was there a reason that he found himself caring?

______________________

“Oh, hello Harry,” I stood from the corner of Remus’ office, intrigued that the young Potter had come. He looked so much like his father that my heart ached for Remus and to imagine what he felt when he saw Harry.

“Y/n,” Harry seemed surprised. “I... uh... you know Professor Lupin?”

“Well I was here when he went to Hogwarts himself, so yes, I’m quite fond of him if you can believe it,” I smiled as Remus eyed the situation.

“Is there something that you needed Harry?” Remus asked, trying to sound professional, but I could hear the sentiment in his voice.

“The map...” Harry turned slightly pink.

A smile grew on my face. “You have the Marauder’s Map?” I almost laughed. “How in the world did you get that? Oh, if your father knew,” I did laugh this time.

Remus shot me a sharp look and Harry looked at me in wonder.

“My father? You knew my father?” The realization seemed to dawn him.

“Yes, well,” Remus interjected sharply. “Don’t get caught again Potter,”

“Why haven’t you told him?” I demanded as soon as Harry left. “Remus, come on, that’s not fair to Harry,”

“I’m not the one to tell him though! I can’t be!” He protested and I could hear the anxiety in his voice.

“Remus, I’ve known you a long time. And I’ve known James and Lily. They would want you to talk to him. They would want you apart of his life,” I argued, or perhaps encouraged softly.

“Maybe you’re right,” Remus mumbled.

“Of course, I am,” I smiled. “It’ll work out Re, with Sirius, and with Harry,” 

“I hope you’re right,”

I left him to his thoughts and on my way to the library, I was ambushed by the younger Potter. Not that I wasn’t expecting it, I knew that Harry would have questions for me as soon as he knew I knew his father.

“Hello Harry,” I smiled.

“You know about my dad,” He burst out, hope in his eyes and tone.

“And your mother,” I smiled and perched on the windowsill nearby.

“Can you tell me about them? Please?” His eyes went glossy with tears that he blinked away.

“Your mother was bold, but still kind and gentle. She looked out for the little guy. She rooted for the underdog and protected the younger years of any House. She was always kind to me. Her and Remus both.” The memory was fond, if it was a memory. Did ghosts have memories after they were dead?

“And my dad?” He clung to every word.

“He... was a bit like you. Always finding trouble whether it was his fault or not. Totally deserved to be smacked a few times... but the war changed him. He grew up rather quickly. Into a protective caring young man. Almost everyone had eyes for him, but he only saw your mother,”

“Do... you think they would be proud of me?” His gaze dropped to his beat-up sneakers. 

“Harry,” I called his attention. “You’re their son, they’ll always be proud of you,” 

“But—”

“No buts,” I interjected. “That’s all it takes for you to make them proud, I promise,”

He nodded and mumbled a thanks before taking off toward the Gryffindor dorm. Finding solace in the library, I began to read again. Maybe a week had passed. Perhaps two. I wasn’t sure. I was so wrapped up in my books that I became lost to time. Until a blond-haired boy came in, his nose stuck in a book.

“I was wondering when I’d see you again Little Malfoy,” I smiled, from my perch in the library. He didn’t acknowledge me, causing me to frown. “Draco?” I ghosted down and perched on the table next to him. “Are you ghosting a ghost?”

Though he ignored me I could see the smile that twitched at his lips. That gave me little hope. “Is everything alright?” I asked, genuine concern coloring my voice.

“Ask Potter,” Draco snapped. “You seem to fancy him lately,”

“Excuse me?” I was taken aback. “Harry? He just wanted to know about his parents, that’s all,” 

Draco frowned at this and he finally looked at me. “His parents?”

“Yes,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like he has a lot of people who know his parents and are willing to tell him anything. Dumbledore has made almost everyone vow not to talk to him, but what good is a vow to someone who’s already in the grave?” I shrugged. “Poor kid knows nothing,”

“I...” Draco didn’t seem to have the words. Instead he looked back down at his book. I smiled and rolled my eyes at his antics.

“If you care that much, you are still my favorite Little Malfoy,” His cheeks tinged pink and I laughed. “You’re something else Malfoy, you know that?”

“Says the girl who died for admitting that she could read instead of lying,” He raised an eyebrow at me. I chuckled and shrugged.

“Says the boy who avoided me for what, two weeks, because I talked to a boy about his dead parents,” I mused.

“It wasn’t two weeks,” Draco grumbled. “Nine days,” 

“Oh, forgive me,” I laughed. “Nine days.”

He smiled and looked back down at his notes. I think it was the first time I had ever seen him smile and not sneer.

“So, nine days,” He prompted. “I assume you haven’t left the library... read anything interesting?”

I laughed and somehow the hours passed as Draco and I spoke about books and stories we had read as kids, and the ones we were currently invested in. It shocked me to know that he was an avid reader, of fantasy novels, nonetheless. Though I had read just about everyone that he had mentioned, there were a few that I added to my mental list of his that I said I would check out. He seemed sincerely happy at my interest of the books he read.

“Father thought they were childish,” He muttered when I asked him about it. “Fairytales and fantasies,”

“That’s stupid,” I scoffed, and Draco gaped at me, aghast that I would dare to call something his father said ‘stupid.’ It made me pause. “You... you know you don’t have to always agree with your parents,”

His gaze cast downward. “I don’t want to disappoint them,”

My face furrowed. “You’re they’re son, that’s enough for them to be proud,”

“You don’t know my parents,” He scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “I think the last time they were proud of me, is when I was sorted into Slytherin.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” I protested.

“You don’t know my parents,” Draco argued again.

“I do,” I retorted. “Or I did,”

The notion seemed to dawn on Draco as he stared up at me with wonder in his eyes. 

“You did,” He realized. “Can you tell me about them... have they always been so...” 

“Strict?” I offered.

“Suffocating,” Draco supplied.

I pressed my lips together and thought a moment.

“Your father, perhaps. I never spoke to him much, and he never paid me mind. But you mother,” I smiled at the memories that came flooding back. “She was bold, cunning. She loved her sisters with a fierce passion.” My smile. “The three of them were some of the brightest witches I’d ever seen,” I glanced over to him. “You have her eyes, her same spirit,”

A smile drew on his lips as his face turned a soft shade of pink. “Do you know that because you’re a ghost?” He mused.

“No, I’m just a girl who can read character pretty well. After seeing so many faces pass through here, and reading so many stories, there are those who stand out and stay with you. Your mother... she stood out to me. And I can see her in your eyes,” My demeanor softened as I realized the words I was saying and if I could have, I would have blushed.

“Thank you,” He whispered as the clock chimed a late hour.

“You should head back,” I sighed softly. “Get some rest,”

“Why don’t I ever see you near the Slytherin dorm?” Draco asked, gathering his things. 

“I’d rather not cross paths with the Baron,” I admitted.

“The Baron? Why?” Draco frowned; his bag slung over his shoulder.

“Never you mind,” I smiled. “Get to bed Little Malfoy,”

“Don’t call me that,” He grumbled, trudging out of the library.

The night progressed as did the month and I went from one book to another, soon searching for a book I hadn’t in a long time. My diary from when I was alive. Published as its own book that I had found a few decades ago. Tucked into the pages was what held my fate. My prophecy.

I went to the shelf in which I knew my book had its home, but it wasn’t there. Instead a sliver of time carved away by my missing book. Drifting over to Pince I asked her about where my book had gone. She told me that Malfoy had checked it out and had it for about a week—since the day we spent in the infirmary together.

For the first time in a long time I felt... embarrassed that my story and thoughts were on display for anyone to read. I never cared before, but this felt different.

Cursing the late hour, I knew that there was no way to get to Draco now. The Bloody Baron was protective about other ghosts coming into the Slytherin dorms. I’d have to find him in the morning then. I considered loitering outside the Slytherin portrait, but I also did not want to go anywhere near the Bloody Baron. I had heard and read enough.

So instead I headed to the Astronomy Tower to watch the stars again, having silent conversations with them, wondering if they’d ever grant me life again.

“You’re glowing,”

The voice startled me enough that I actually jumped. The irony of scaring a ghost. I turned to see Draco behind me, his eyes glued to my shimmering skin.

“Yes, all ghosts do it under the moon and stars,” I noted. “By the way, can I have my book back?” I stood, going over to him.

“Your book?” He questioned.

“My book,” I restressed. “My diary? That you have from the library? The one that has my—” I stopped myself.

“Your prophecy.” Draco finished, offering me the book that he had drawn from his robes. “Yeah, I know.”

I stared at him curiously, pulling the book back into the security of my arms, where it belonged. That uncertain feeling returned to my chest.

“You know it’s rude to read a girl’s diary,” I retorted, defensive.

“It’s a published book in the library, anyone can read it,” Draco rolled his eyes. I gave him a flat look and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “So, have you figured out what it means?”

I sighed softly and shook my head in defeat. “The only thing I’m sure of is the great star is Sirius,”

“Sirius, like Sirius Black? Escaped Azkaban criminal?” Draco exasperated.

“Well, the star is his name sake. But I’m sure you of all people know that Draco,” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Your family has a knack for celestial namesakes. If I remember correctly, Sirius is your mother’s cousin,”

“What?” Draco demanded. “No! There is no way!”

“Draco,” I reached out for him in vain as he paced in anger and confusion. “Draco will you calm down?” I nearly shouted.

“Calm down!? How can I when I know that I’m related to that criminal!?” He demanded.

“Sirius isn’t a criminal!” I argued back. “He didn’t kill Peter or those people!” I gasped, covering my mouth in shame, my eyes wide. That was a secret that I wasn’t supposed to tell.

“What do you mean he didn’t kill those people?” Draco sneered, stalking up to me.

“I—I’m not supposed to...” I took a step back, ghostly tears welling in my eyes. “I wasn’t supposed to... Merlin,” I cried, sliding to the ground.

Draco’s demeanor changed from anger to worried and concerned. Not that I noticed through my distress. I felt as if I had just betrayed one of my best friends.

“Y/n, what... what in the world are you talking about?” Draco asked sitting beside me, a failed attempt to reach out and comfort me.

“I promised. I promised I wouldn’t tell what I knew until the time was right,” I sobbed. “Bloody hell, he’ll never trust me again,” I squeaked.

“Who?” Draco demanded.

I looked at him, wide eyed with fear, shaking my head softly. “I... I can’t. I’m sorry Draco,”

I dematerialized and rematerialized in a quiet portion of the castle grounds, away from the rest of the students, among the woods. The trees welcomed me and the further I walked in, the less tied to the castle I felt. I came to a lake and sat beside it. Crying tears that would never fall in my undead state, I stared at the water and my lack of reflection.

“I’m so sorry Sirius,” I wept softly. “I didn’t mean to tell him... I was just defending you,”

“I’m surprised you kept the secret this long,”

Again, I jumped, startled by the voice behind me.

“Hey there Spooks,” Sirius gave a lopsided smile, the years in Azkaban resting in his eyes and in the lines on his face.

“Sirius,” I gasped. “What are you doing? It’s not safe here!” I protested.

“I couldn’t leave my girl to cry, now could I?” He smirked, before his expression sobered.

 “You should,” I sniffed. “I’m so sorry Sirius, it slipped out,”

“I know,” He held his hands up in a calming effort. “I knew it would, and it’s okay. Who did you tell? It wasn’t Moony was it?”

“No,” I looked down. “But you need to tell him Sirius, he deserves to know,”

“He won’t even talk to me. He thinks that I betrayed James and Lily and killed all of his friends,” Sirius toed at the dirt—the same tick he had in his Hogwarts years when he had been caught in a lie or prank.

“But you didn’t,” I protested. “He still loves you Sirius, I can see it in his eyes and when he talks about you and James...”

“He—no,” Sirius shook his head. “That’s not for you to worry about,”

“Do not make me mother you,” I threatened. “Talk to Remus,”

“I will,” Sirius sighed. “When the time is right,”

“As a girl who’s waited for centuries for the right time... talk to him as soon as you can,” There was a pity-filled look on his face that I brushed off.

“Any luck with that? Your prophecy?” He seemed almost hopeful.

“No,” I sighed. “But there is one who took the time to ask this year. Like Remus did his first year,” The memory was a soft spot for both of us.

“You were his first friend,” Sirius smiled at the same memory. “So, who is it this year?” 

“Little Malfoy,”

Sirius snorted. “We both know you don’t have a sense of humor, drop the act,”

“I’m ser—” He gave me a look and I paused to rephrase. “I’m telling the truth. It was Draco who asked, who read my diary, and knows about the prophecy,” I hesitated. “He’s also the one I told,” My gaze dropped to the ground waiting for the backlash.

“Malfoy!?” Sirius demanded. “You told Malfoy!?”

“I’m sorry! I told you I was sorry!” I shouted back, bristling, feeling my body shudder. Sirius seemed to notice and took a few paces away and composed himself.

I dared to speak. “All he knows is that you didn’t kill Peter. That’s all. I’m so sorry Sirius,” I turned, and he was gone. “Fine! Leave!” I shouted. “Like always... like everyone...”

I let out a scream of frustration that was carried away with the wind. Letting out a sigh of defeat I wandered up to the castle again.

“Y/n?” For the third time tonight, I jumped at the call of my name. It was Draco again.

 “Draco, look,” I started. “I...”

“No,” He stopped me softly. “I’m sorry... I...” He shook his head and took off down the hall towards the Slytherin dorms. Chasing after him, he was too far gone, and I was face to face with the Baron.

“Oh, could this night get any worse?” I shouted to no one in particular. “I don’t mean to trespass, apologies.”

“Stay out of my territory and away from my students, you little harlot,” The Baron sneered. 

“Gladly,” I growled back. “Arse,” I muttered as I ghosted back to the upper levels of the castle.

Utterly lost on what to do, I found myself by the Black Lake, staring up at the moon and stars. I stayed there until the sun rose over the dark waters, painting the valleys in a golden light. I remained there, watching the sun and moon dance in the sky in an unchangeable waltz that continued for eternity.

“They said you were out here,”

I didn’t jump this time at the sound of his voice as the moon rose to her duet again.

“Hello, Draco,” I murmured softly. “Come to watch the stars with me?”

“Sure,” I could hear the smile in his voice as he sat beside me on the bank of the lake, the only sound was the music of the night, the lake lapping at the small beach, and his gentle breaths.

“I... I’m really sorry,” He murmured softly. “For that night, I didn’t mean to get so angry. I wasn’t upset with you...” Silence fell softly between us. “My parents never told me... I wrote to my mother...” My eyes widened as I gazed over at him, his pale skin almost having the same affect that mine did in the moon light. “I never knew...”

“I’m sorry,” I offered.

“Merlin don’t apologize to me,” He laughed hopelessly.

“Well I did sort of freak out on you, so... sorry.”

He shrugged and his gaze fixed on the moonlit water. “My father thinks it’s absurd that I’m talking to you... and I think my mother is slightly worried about me for it,”

“Any particular reason?” I mused.

“Father has always been against those different than him in any way... my mother probably worries that I’m not making friends...talking to ghosts...” A smile toyed at his lips at the mention of his mother.

“Are we not friends then?” I teased lightly, causing him to laugh.

“Sure,” He rolled his eyes at me, this time causing me to laugh. “Do you miss them?” He asked after a quiet moment.

“Who?”

“Your parents... your family?” He seemed almost afraid to ask.

I pondered the question. “Yes, sometimes... but I’ve spent a lot of years wasting tears that will never fall over people I can never see again... you move on and learn to live after a while... well as much as a ghost can live,”

“You can’t cry, can you?” He came to the fact easier and saner than most did.

I shook my head. “I can feel bitter sorrow, the worst loss, but I can never shed a tear,” I chuckled humorlessly. “The irony, I have the most to mourn and I can’t even cry,”

“I’m sorry,”

I shrugged. “I’ve lived a long time without being able to cry... just reminds me that I’ll never be quite human again,”

“But you could be,” He had more hope than I ever had about the fact. 

“Yeah,” I scoffed. “That stupid prophecy,”

“I don’t think it’s stupid,”

“You’ve haven’t spent centuries wondering what it meant,” I argued back:

“In the days when evil lurks around every corner; 

The condemned will become innocent; 

And the innocent will become condemned; 

True love can reanimate a deceased heart; 

Under the star of Great Dog; 

She will become alive as time is altered; 

Two souls will be set free that day as the star takes her place.”

“True love,” I scoffed again; my lips pressed together. “Like some sort of stupid fairytale,” 

“I thought you said that fairytales weren’t stupid,” Draco raised an eyebrow at me smirking.

“They’re not,” I rolled my eyes. “Believing that there’s true love out there to save me? That’s stupid,”

“Then maybe there’s no hope for any of us,” Draco sighed. “If someone like you can’t find true love, where’s the hope for the rest of us,”

A smile ghosted me lips at his words as I looked over to him, his eyes still trained on the water.

“You’re really sweet sometimes, you know that Malfoy?” His eyes darted to mine as his cheeks tinged pink.

“Will you come back inside?” He asked softly. “The library isn’t as interesting without you there,”

“Sure,” I smiled warmly at him.

Fall turned to winter turned to spring, and Draco and I spent a lot more time together than I cared to admit. He was almost easier to talk to than anyone else I had met. And that was saying something, because I knew Remus Lupin, who was fascinated with my fascination of the young Malfoy.

But all the same, I found myself crave Draco’s company more and more and cursing the Baron for not letting me see him while he was in his dorm. It was rough when he came down with a cold and I wasn’t able to see him for a week. No number of books could distract me from the fact that he wasn’t there to talk to. That he wasn’t here to talk to me. I had never missed anyone like this before.

But when he felt better, we’d press curfew to mere minutes just to get another word in with each other. Then he’d have to be human and I’d have to remember that I didn’t belong in his world and never could. It didn’t stop me, however, from finding and talking to him the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Then there was a day in late spring that caught my attention as Sirius had finally gotten to Harry and his friends, but things had gone from bad to worse as I watched the scene unfold, doing the only thing I could think of, I spirited away to find Remus. He would know what to do, he would know how to help.

After I had explained what I had seen, Remus grabbed his wand and took off towards the Whomping Willow. I followed him, and as soon as I left the castle, I felt the dark presence of the dementors around me.

“No!” I shouted, going up to meet them, and for the first time in a long time gave into my spiritual power, long enough to hold them off and let Remus pass through safely.

I hovered over the Shrieking Shack, keeping the dementors as bay, away from Sirius, away from Remus. They didn’t dare to go near my pure light that was amplified by the full moon. Soon I saw the three of them emerge, Peter in chains, when the light of the full moon hit my little Remus.

With a cry of desperation, I did my best to keep the dementors away as I watched the horrors unfold before me before I couldn’t take it any long and chased after Remus, who was not a wolf into the wood.

“Remus!?” I shouted; my voice lost with the wind. “Remus, it’s me! Please come out!” I caught sight of Hermione and Harry and gestured that they should leave, and quickly. “Remus!?”

I heard a growl and turned, seeing golden scared eyes. 

“Hey,” I cooed softly. “You’re alright, you can’t hurt me,” 

A pained howl left his lips.

“I know,” I replied. “But you’re going to be alright, let get you back, yeah? To Prongs and Pads, they’re waiting for you.” Tears I wanted to cry weren’t shed at the pitiful heartbreaking whine that left his lips.

But he let me lead him back to the Shrieking Shack all the same. I stayed with him until McGonagall and Dumbledore came. There was a soft thank you from the both of them. I drifted back to the castle, pacing in anxiety.

“Y/n?” It was Draco’s voice. I turned.

“Draco, it’s not safe!” I squeaked. “What are you doing out of bed!?”

“I had to see you,” He confessed. “There are rumors, about Black and Lupin... I thought you’d... Are you alright?”

“Draco, really,” I glanced around, cursing that I couldn’t drag him inside to where it was safer. “It’s not safe for you out here,”

“Bloody hell, Y/n, what about you!?”

“I’m already dead! So, unless you’d like to join me!” I shouted, realizing after the fact what I had said. “Draco, I didn’t mean that,”

“You’re keeping things from me,” It was a broken accusation. “About Sirius, about Remus,”

“Draco, please,” I pulled away. “I... I have to go, I have to make sure that he’s alright,” My eyes trailed up to the top of the tower, knowing that I may have been the reason that Sirius was in chains again.

“No!” Draco shouted, drawing my attention.

He had never demanded anything of me before, not like this. It wasn’t the fact that he told me to stop, it was the notion that he had found his own voice in it that caused me to pause. I waited for him to continue.

“I’ve spent all year, all of my three years here, knowing you, and getting to know you and I’m not going to let you walk away again! I want to know! I don’t want this you can’t tell me act. If anyone, you can tell me. Can’t you trust me? Please,” His voice broke, unshed tears in his eyes.

“Draco,” My non-material heart broke a bit as he stood before me, vulnerable. Shaking and terrified I nodded. “Remus... is a werewolf. Sirius is an Animagus. Peter betrayed the Potters, and Sirius went to confront him. Peter faked his death and killed all those people and it was blamed on Sirius...” In my nervousness I began to ramble:

“...and Sirius and Remus confronted Peter tonight and Harry and his friends were there and I had to fight off dementors so that Sirius would be okay because I couldn’t bear to see him get hurt for something he didn’t do and then I had to go and help Remus because it’s a full moon and he won’t hurt me but for the love of merlin he will hurt you so will you please go inside!”

Draco gaped at me, in utter disbelief.

“Please Draco, go inside,”

“Only if you come with me,” He recovered.

My thoughts for Sirius were forgotten as I took a step closer to him. Instead, all I could see and focus on was the heartbreak on his face and the hand that he held out for me. A hand that I wanted to accept but knew that I couldn’t because I would phase right through him. Never had I loathed being dead so much but in that moment when all I wanted to do was comfort him.

For the first time in almost two hundred years, tears slid down my cheeks. I barely noticed. 

“Please,” His voice shook as did his hand as it remained extended to me. “Please, Y/n,” 

The moon fell behind the mountains as the sun shed her first light onto us.

And with reckless abandon, I reached out for him, for his hand. In desperation and false hope, closing my eyes, knowing my heart would never break more that in the next few moments for not being a part of his world.

Then my hand felt softness and warmth.

I gasped and jerked back, and Draco seemed to realize this as I did.

“You just...” He stammered.

“I...” Trembling, I held my hand up, the sunlight no longer passing through it but refracting off of it. I finally reached up and felt the wetness of tears on my cheeks as I gasped in pure joy.

“I’m human,” I laughed, “I’m human!” I marveled at my rosy skin and the soft green fabric of my dress as I felt the grass beneath my feet. After a moment, I, at last, looked to Draco, who seemed to be frozen in a state of wonder and disbelief, and almost... scared.

“Draco,” I called softly, “It’s me,” I offered my hand to him, the grin not leaving my face. 

“You’re... and...”

I nodded and smiled, taking a step closer to him. “Not scared of ghosts, are you?” I teased softly.

He finally laughed and took my hand, pulling me close, into the comfort of his arms. I began to cry again because for the first time in two hundred and fifty years, I was hugged. I clung to him, my fingers marveling at the softness of his shirt, trailing up into his hair.

“Merlin,” Draco pulled away softly. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,”

Before I could ask him what he meant—or argue that I had been waiting longer than he ever had—he pressed his lips to mine, and in that moment, I swear I could have died all over again in his arms.

.

In the days when evil lurks around every corner, 

The condemned will become innocent,

And the innocent will become condemned.

True love can reanimate a deceased heart, 

Under the star of Great Dog,

She will become alive as time is altered; 

Two souls will be set free that day as the star takes her place.

.

masterlist

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more like this:

beautifully beastly

hufflepuff series

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[kohanayaki]

.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 4

Snape looks back on your days at Hogwarts, how your friendship came to be, and how it came to end.

LINKS:   CH 1   CH 2    CH 3   CH 4  CH 5   CH 6   CH 7   CH 8

___________________________________________________________

Ch 4  .:Budding Feelings and the Beginning of the End:.

Severus Snape had made a lot of mistakes in his life, and seeing you again after all these years was forcing him to relive every single one of them.

He stared blankly at the wall in front of him, shrouded in the darkness and grim silence of his empty house. He never thought he'd see you again, and certainly not under these circumstances. When he'd laid his eyes on you in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld place he couldn't believe it. He, much like the rest of the Order (except for Molly, apparently) assumed you wouldn't be at these meetings any longer. After James and Lily were murdered and Sirius was thrown into Azkaban, you'd left London and headed to New York under the Ministry's alliance with MACUSA, hoping to help bridge the gap between muggle-borns and purebloods in America. He knew you had been back to meet Harry a handful of times, but he also knew that being in this city brought up painful memories for you, so he was as stunned as anyone else to see you standing there in the doorway, greeting them as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

He could see that traveling had been good for you. He'd heard through the Hogwarts circuit that you were back on auror duty across the world, taking special assignments from Dumbledore and the Minister for Magic himself. You seemed like you were doing better, but when you turned to smile at him he could see the hesitation and the sadness that brewed behind your eyes, likely his doing.

He desperately wanted things to go back to what they were before—

Before he'd ruined it. . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   1974  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright students,” Professor Slughorn said as everyone finished filing inside the room, “today we're going to be pairing off into new partners for the upcoming project.”

Groans and nervous chatter flooded the sound space immediately, no one very thrilled with having to work with someone new out of their control. You cast a glance over to Lily who looked equally displeased. You liked being her partner, you both excelled at the subject and worked really well together.

“Yes, yes, I know,” Slughorn said, waving the complaints off, “However, I am going to be giving you the luxury of choosing your own partners this time, but everyone—”

The energy in the room instantly shifted, everyone shoving around people to get to their friends.

“—keep in mind, if I see any slacking off or trouble brewing in these new partnerships I will not hesitate to rearrange them!”

Slughorns's words were completely lost among the commotion as people paired off before you could even get your bearings. Snape stalled as he stared at you from across the room; Lily had already been dragged away by Mary, and his brain was trying to work out how to ask you to be his partner.

Suddenly an arm was slung over your shoulder and you turned towards the new presence in surprise. You looked up to see Evan Rosier, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows and his Slytherin tie loose around his neck.

Oh, sod it, Snape cursed internally. He was too late.

“Wanna partner up?” Rosier asked, a crooked grin gracing his chiseled features, “It'd be my honor to have the smartest Potions partner in class, not to mention the most attractive.”

You rolled your eyes at the praise. Evan was your friend, and he was nice to look at, but if he thought that you would be willing to do all the work for the both of you in exchange for some cheap compliments, then he had another thing coming. You locked eyes with Snape from across the room

“It would be your honor,” you smirked up at Rosier, “but I already have a partner, sorry.”

It took Snape a few seconds to realize what you were doing, but once he snapped out of it he made his way towards you. You almost chuckled at how robotic he looked as he did, clearly shocked.

Rosier looked between the two of you and rolled his eyes.

“Suit yourself, sweetheart,” he said, letting you go and pushing you lightly in Snape's direction, “but if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He sent a wink your way that left Snape's blood inexplicably boiling,

“Thanks for that,” you grinned, “and just so you know, I would have chosen you even if he didn't come up to me, so don't get all pouty about it, okay?”

Severus just looked at you blankly. Even after four years it was frightening how well you were able to read him; for a moment he was scared that he'd accidentally projected his thoughts to you, but he wasn't anywhere near that level of legillemency yet. He wanted to say something that had some semblance of gratitude but settled on:

“Whatever.”

To which you just laughed and dragged him to your now shared desk.

You really were something else.

“Now then,” Professor Slughorn addressed the room, “today we will be beginning the new unit on toxic concoctions, starting with the Draught of Living Death. If you would all turn to page ten of your books, we will get started presently.”

You turned open your book and Severus did the same. As he did, you noticed that nearly every page was covered in small notes littering the margins, with some of the instructions circled, crossed out, or modified. You were hardly surprised, Snape had been pouring over this book since last year when he'd stolen it from a fifth year Slytherin who'd been speaking poorly of you (that last part you were unaware of).

You turned your attention to the directions, reaching over to preheat the burner so your cauldron would be hot enough by the time you began. However, as soon as you lit the flame with the tip of your wand, your cauldron shot up into the air, hitting the ceiling with a loud BANG! before crashing down back onto your table, breaking several of the glass instruments that were settled there.

Your face burned embarrassment as everyone in the room turned to look at you in shock.

“Snape, (L/n),” Slughorn said, surprised, “whatever happened?”

“I. . .” you began, not knowing what to say, “I don't know, I'm sorry, Professor.”

“Quite all right,” he said uncertainly, restoring your table and equipment with a wave of his wand, “just be sure whatever that was doesn't happen again.”

“Of course,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the snickering around you. If you noticed the way that it stopped as soon as Snape sent a deathly glare at the culprits, you didn't show it. You reached down to grab your cauldron, noticing that the bottom was dusted in some sort of orange powder. As you turned it over, a note fell out of it.

You're welcome, (L/n). Sorry I couldn't be there for the fireworks~

J.P.

“That sneaky little, ugh,” you crumpled the note, growling in frustration.

“What is it?” Severus asked, peering over your shoulder to glance at the paper. However, as soon as you tried to show it to him it vanished in your hands in a wisp of glowing embers. You turned to look at Severus who was still staring at you expectantly.

“It was Potter,” you rolled your eyes.

Anger flashed in Severus' eyes before confusion replaced it momentarily.

“But that was your cauldron, not mine. Why would Potter want to mess with you?”

And now the anger was back again. Snape was used to Potter’s crew targeting him; bullying and suffering through minor hexes had become an everyday occurrence, but when he imagined them doing anything to you it was enough to make him see red.

“Ah, well. . .” you trailed off, deciding that telling him you'd yelled at the group of Gryffindors: 'if you jerks want to have a go at Severus you're gonna have to get through me first!' was a bad idea.

“I sort of, maybe, kind of. . . started it?” you said. Severus raised a brow at you. “Look, Potter was asking for it, okay? It was about time someone messed with him for a change. And besides, it was hilarious, even Lily got a kick out of watching that broom hit him in the head.”

Severus chuckled at that, a hint of pride welling in his chest at yours and Lily's shared distaste for the Potter boy.

“But that was the last straw,” you declared, grabbing a Sopophorus bean from the bowl in front of you and a knife to cut it as per the instructions, “I'm sick and tired of him acting like he's better than everyone else,” you said, stabbing down with your knife for emphasis. The Sopophorus bean jumped as you did, sliding out from under your blade and skidding across your cutting board. You huffed as you grabbed it again, placing it back down and holding it in place. “And he walks around with that little posse of his like he runs this school!” You brought your knife down again, moving your fingers at the last second, but the bean still managed to slip away, trying to bounce back into the bowl.

“This means war!” you seethed, grabbing the runaway legume again, now at your wit's end, and crushing it in your fist. It stopped jumping as the beet-red juice of the plant dripped down your arm, and Severus looked at you with a small smirk on his face.

“Well, that's one way to do it,” he said.

“Shove off,” you said playfully, throwing the bean in his direction. He dodged it easily, his smile growing.

“No, really,” he said, almost more to himself than you as he scribbled out the word 'cut' and replaced it with 'crush' in his notebook, “you might be better at this than you let on.”

You blushed at the unexpected compliment, backhanded as it was.

“Excuse you, I happen to be fantastic at Potions,” you said, grabbing another bean and avoiding his gaze.

“Right, that's why your cauldron exploded.”

“That was sabotage,” you shot back.

“I was talking about last week,” Severus said cheekily, taking in your flustered expression.

You both went back to your ingredients, eventually discovering that crushing the beans with the flat of a knife was the best way to extract the juice without them jumping. You watched Severus out of the corner of your eye as he measured out the African Sea water, adding it gradually as he stirred the mixture counter-clockwise. The elixir turned a bright blue color, shimmering as if light were being reflected off of it. He continued on with the formula, snapping off a few fluxweed sprigs before adding them and lowering the heat with his wand, hardly looking at the instructions at all.

You wondered where this newfound confidence had come from. Severus was usually so rigid and withdrawn, but right now he looked more at ease than you had ever seen him. A spark was present in his eyes as he worked that you rarely ever saw, and it made you smile despite yourself.

The rest of your potion making process went on without a hitch, and you silently applauded yourself as you watched the other students around you struggle to get their concoctions together. Even Lily seemed to be having trouble, though Mary wasn't really helping other than offering moral support.

You turned back to focus on your own potion, stirring it with the ladle and mesmerized by the way it began to turn a deep plum color. Meanwhile, Severus was cleaning up your shared station, looking over at the brew. His brows furrowed as he examined it.

“Just stir it a bit more,” he said, coming up behind you and placing his hand on top of yours, “the color is still off.”

Your face burned at the unexpected contact; Snape certainly wasn't a touchy person, so the act caught you completely off guard, though you'd be lying if you said you didn't like it. Severus nearly jumped backwards, absolutely mortified when he realized what he was doing. It was him micromanaging more than anything; he was so focused on getting the potion right he didn't even notice he was moving his own body as he gave you the instruction.

“Sorry,” he said, feeling quite possibly the lamest he'd ever felt in his life.

“It's okay,” you said, biting the inside of your lip nervously and continuing to stir like he said. Your light response allowed Snape to relax, his shoulders lowering a full three inches. He'd been certain you would have reacted to his mistake with disgust or repulsion, but you didn't. What did that mean? You were utterly confusing. Despite how well you could read him, Severus was unable to get a read on you at all. If he had been, he would have noticed the tiny smile on your face as you stirred, silently wishing his hand were back on yours.

You and Snape stood at attention as Slughorn peered down at your potion, looking mildly impressed. He reached into his robes, procuring an oak leaf from who knows where, and dropped it into your cauldron. The leaf floated on top of the liquid for just a moment before its edges began to burn. It furled from the unseen heat, folding in on itself and disappearing into the inky depths of the liquid. Slughorn's expression lit up, his impression no longer mild.

“Merlin's beard, it's perfect!” he exclaimed, “in all my years I've never seen a pair recreate this potion exactly as you two have done today.”

You beamed at the praise, your smile only widening as you saw your emotions mirrored in Severus' face, albeit more subtly.

Over the course of your fourth year, you and Snape continued to excel in Potions, receiving much praise from Professor Slughorn and a lot of glares from your fellow students. However, there was something else that continued that year, and that was your increasing interactions with James Potter.

“I just don't get why you even bother with him,” Snape had said to you one day while you were in Potions. Your prank war with James was at its peak, and you were sidetracked that day in class coming up with new ideas to get back at him.

“It's a full on battle now, Sev,” you said, “I can't back down! Now, for my next one I was thinking something along the lines of a callback to one of his earlier stunts. Maybe get him back for tampering with my cauldron at the beginning the year.”

“(Y/n)—”

“I've got a few friends in Gryffindor, and apparently he talks about his prank plans way too loudly in the common room, so I have a head start on this one. They mentioned something about my shampoo—“

“(Y/n),” Severus stressed, finally catching your attention. You looked up at him, embarrassed at you rambling. “Why do you keep doing this?” he asked, “he's just baiting you. You know that.”

“It keeps them from doing anything that targets you, right?” you questioned back.

Severus didn't know what to say at that. It was true, ever since you had declared war on James, he and his stupid friends hadn't really bothered with him at all. Were you doing this for him? He didn't know what to do with the thought.

You were, of course, but you thought it better not to mention that in the last few months this had been going on, you'd also begun to find the rivalry and banter between you and James fun.

“Gather 'round students, gather 'round!” Slughorn beckoned the class over, disrupting your train of thought and putting an end to your conversation, “now, would anyone like to identify the potion in this cauldron here?” He gestured to a shockingly pink liquid that seemed to swirl on its own. Plum and periwinkle smoke wafted through the air above it in delicate spirals.

“That's Amortentia,” Lily said, “it's a love potion that's supposed to smell different to everyone depending on what scents attract them.”

“Right you are, Miss Evans,” Slughorn said proudly, “would you like to tell us what you smell?”

“Cinnamon,” she started slowly, “warm spices, butterbeer, sandalwood. . .” her cheeks reddened significantly, as if she'd made some sort of realization. “Th-that's all.” You stared at her quizzically but she just shook her head. You'd have to ask her about this later. . .

“(L/n),” Slughorn said, “would you be so kind as to do the same?”

“Sure,” you said, stepping up to the cauldron. It was captivating, almost drawing you in physically. “Wild lavender,” you said, smiling, your mother had a garden full of them when you were growing up, “rain when it hits the pavement, and old leather books.” Scents you wouldn't realize until much later all correlated with a certain person.

“Very different scents for very different people,” Professor Slughorn said, “thank you for demonstrating, you two. Now, we will not be brewing this potion today for obvious reasons. It is incredibly dangerous, capable of creating not true love, but unhinged obsession. What we will be doing, however, is studying its effects. . .”

“Strongest love potion in the world, huh?” Evan suddenly appeared at your side, “funny, I could have sworn it smelled just like you, although you wouldn't need a potion to reign me in~”

“Put a sock in it, Rosier,” you said, shoving him away playfully.

“Aw, come on, just one date wouldn't hurt,” he said, “I'm pulling out all my best lines here!”

“That's the best you've got?”

“Ouch.”

Snape couldn't help but glare at the Slytherin boy, not liking how close he was to you. Nice as he seemed, Snape knew how he could really be. He didn't think you'd be such good friends with Rosier if you knew he was knee deep in the dark arts as soon as the sun set on the castle. Then again, Severus wasn't one to talk.

Over the course of the year he noticed that you only grew closer to James, something that bothered him immensely. He was grateful that you had gotten his bullying to stop, but he hated that the way you had gone about it was to turn Potter into a friend. . .

“Merlin, he keeps looking over at you, Lils,” you said.

Lily and Severus looked over to where James sat with Sirius, Remus, and Peter in their corner table as usual. Somehow they always managed to be at The Three Broomsticks at the exact same time as your trio, almost as if they knew you were there. James Potter was, in fact, looking towards your table, until your friends not-so-discreetly turned to look at him and he diverted his gaze elsewhere.

“Idiot,” you rolled your eyes as you took another sip of your butterbeer.

Lily looked between you and James' table for a moment before turning back to you.

“Actually, (Y/n), he's staring at you.”

You looked at her like she'd grown a second head but then began to laugh.

“Is he? Jeeze, what a creep,” you said, but with affection in your voice that wasn't missed by Severus, “it's probably because I saved his ass the other day and he's still reeling from it.”

“Oh,” she said, a hint of what you swore was relief in her tone until she realized what you said, “Wait, you what?”

“Sirius and I were talking in the forest and we got ambushed by Malfoy's motley crew,” you said, “and Potter showed up because of course he did. It was just a little duel, no big deal.”

“What?!” Lily said, concern written all over her face, “they fancy the dark arts, (Y/n), you could have been hurt!”

Severus stared into his drink, unable to look at either of you.

“I'm fine, Lils,” you insisted, “and trust me, I don't think Malfoy's going to be bothering anyone anymore. Just show him a picture of a squid and he'll probably screech like a banshee.”

Lily laughed along with you, partially in confusion, until the first part of your statement hit her with a slight delay.

“Hold on, you were in the forest with Black? And did you just call him Sirius?” she asked, her teasing making your face flush.

“We just. . . figured some stuff out. . . It was nothing like what you're thinking, so drop it,” you grumbled, taking another drink to hide your embarrassed face.

“Whatever you say, (Y/n),” Lily sang, taking a sip of her own drink.

Severus felt jealousy bubble up in him like a disease. He cast his gaze upwards, his eyes locking momentarily with James'. His arch rival rose a cocky brow at him, his gaze unmistakably shifting to you and Lily before staring Snape down again. Severus took a sharp breath to steel himself, that feeling in the pit of his stomach never really going away.

That was the beginning of the end.

Read chapter 5 here!

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[potter-imagines]

Not Like The Movies (Fred Weasley)

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader 

Request: Fred Weasley imagine where him and Angelina are kind of “talking” but the reader and Angelina are really good friends and she doesn’t know that there “talking” so when Angelina tells her, she seems okay with it, “it’s not like I’ve liked him since first year.” And since she’s on the quidditch team, she kind of drops out. And starts to hung out more with Cedric and that’s when Fred gets jealous and realizes it was never Angelina but the reader. the whole reason he liked Angelina was because of some letters she gave him but she never wrote them, the reader did...Happy ending with Fred and reader.

Warning: None, just swearing and lil angst

Word Count: 11.7k (got carried away, soooo sorry)

Falling in love with your best friend was nothing short of a curse for you. Sadly, life was not like the movies and sometimes, the person you’re in love with just simply does not feel the same. Movies promised you magic. Laughing and crying, music swelling, camera panning, and always a happy, or satisfying ending. Late at night when you would fall asleep, the image of your best friend would flash across your mind, encapsulating your subconscious. You pictured him lying beside you, telling you jokes and holding you in his arms. You dreamed about what it was like to be his, to call him yours. You thought about how it would feel as  he gently strokes your cheek with his palm and his lips find yours. The camera sweeps and falls. We fade to black and everytime, your eyes open from your sleep and the movie comes to an end.

Having grown up with the boy and his twin, falling in love was the easy part; admitting your feelings became the obstacle. It put a slight wedge between your friendship with Fred. You hated how easy it was to fall for him. His stupid laugh, stupid smile, stupid heart, stupid kindess, everything about him was so stupidly loveable.

Although Fred didn’t exactly give you reasons to not feel this way. In actuality, Fred Weasley made it nearly impossible not to fall in love with him. It started with meeting you in the common room each morning and escorting you around the castle, sometimes with George but mostly alone. He’d ‘jokingly’ hold your hand, swinging it widely back and forth as you skipped down the halls. During Qudditch, his attention always trailed off the tracks to you, even when he was miles up in the sky flying around. His eyes would dart to you, just to confirm that you were okay. He was your go to study buddy- although it would typically consist of whispering jokes and talking about your day, rather than studying. Fred was always the one to invite you to his home for break, not that his other siblings didn’t want you, Fred just wanted to be the one who got to ask you. During parties in the common room, you were glued to his side. Fred would toss his arm around your shoulder casually as you sat with your friends. He’d cuddle you on the couch while you chatted away with your friends. You two were never safe from the teasing of your friends, especially George. George Weasley had been pawning for you and his brother to get together since his second year.

Now, there was never an official title given to your uh, predicament. This didn’t mean that people weren’t aware of what was occurring. Hell, even Ron was in on the loop. So, it wasn’t hard for everyone else in the Gryffindor common room to comprehend your shock and anger when you walked in only to find Fred Weasley practically snogging Angelina Johnson on the main couch. Your mouth dropped instantly and your eyes were bugging. And everyone was looking between the pair, and your sudden entrance.

You felt like the ringleader at a circus and all the audience had their eyes on you, the crowd consisting of your few friends who knew your feelings. The voice in your head screamed at you to take action- to go rip Angelina off Fred’s lap and toss her to the ground. It was a vile urge, one that never popped in your thoughts before now. Burning holes into their heads you narrowed your gaze as Angelina snaked her arm around Fred’s broad shoulder, leaning her body into the touch. As if it was second nature, Fred’s arm slipped around her wait, snatching her body forward with a cheeky wink. Your mouth went dry, sahara desert dry. The inside of your stomach coiled into tight knots, a sickening sensation budding. An echoing scream filled your mind, yelling at you to look away, just look away Y/n. Something building, maybe curiosity or maybe disbelief, simply wouldn’t allow this.

Hermione pulled at your hand, silently begging you to walk away with her. You hear the sound of her demanding voice whispering to you, although you neglected to process them. Neither Fred nor Angelina seemed to notice all the attention- if they did, they did a good job hiding it. An indescribable mix of emotion brewed; Angelina Johnson was your close friend next to Hermione. Since first year, she has been your roommate, your potions partner, a chaser just like you, and an amazing friend. She even spent a month of the summer holiday at your home, for crying out loud! You wanted to be angry, you wanted so bad to just scold Angelina and tell her how bad the sight was before you hurt to watch, but you couldn’t. Despite your solid friendship, Angelina was never informed on the feelings you had developed for Fred. In second year you had confessed to her that you had a small crush on the twin, but nothing else ever came. Of course you didn’t know Angelina had liked Fred either. Angelina, Fred, George, and yourself were all in the same school year and house so naturally a friendship arose. As years dwindled on, Angelina drifted away a bit and started spending more time with Alicia Spinott and Katie Bell. You still made time for each other- not to mention living together and spending at least a few hours each day together.

But when Angelina shifted groups, it left you room to grow closer with Fred and George. By your third year, Lee had filled in Angelina’s spot and the four of you raked havoc among Hogwarts. Lee Jordan was a great friend, he always let you sit up in the announcing booth during Quidditch matches when Gryffindor wasn’t playing. In those cases, he was vocally cheering you on through the microphone as you raced around the pitch. When it came to Fred and George, there was a different type of bond you created. You had spent nights on end sprawled around the dorm room of the Weasley twins, chatting about everything and nothing for hours. They invited you in on their pranks, showed you their prized Marauders Map, brought you to The Burrow for holidays, bought you presents for Christmas/birthdays, visited you during the summer, and more. The three of you always sat together in class, sometimes making Lee move a table over. It was always the three of you. Somewhere along the way, you started looking at one twin in particular in a different light. Both were handsome, but something about Fred made your heart race. Everytime his hand brushed against your during class, an electric tingle shot through your spine. He was protective over you, in a brotherly way you assumed, but it was sweet nonetheless. Even during matches Fred always kept an eye out for you on the Quidditch pitch. Never did he miss the chance to gloat about how he basically saved your life three different times. After a long day of class, the two of you would sometimes cuddle on the couch in the common room or in his dorm while talking with George. It was a running joke among your friends about the two of you dating. George loved to tease you two, making kissy faces and telling the two of you to ‘get together already’. George was certainly not the first, nor only, person to make such comments to Fred and yourself. Hermione asked weekly when you would start dating, Harry would question every so often, Ginny asked every hour when you’d get married, and Ron hardly paid enough attention to notice anything occurring.

Pestering and prodding, their questions remained unanswered. You never quite knew what to say, but George, Hermione, Ginny, and even Harry, knew. They kept silent in your presence. Behind closed doors, they seemed to have figured it out. Ron was present for all this but once again, he really didn’t care much to give an overload of input. He wasn’t too interested though and only came to feel a part of the discussion.

The person they couldn’t figure out was Fred Weasley. For the first time in his life, George couldn’t give a solid answer on how his twin was feeling. Typically, George always knew. He was certain Fred had fancied you when they were younger but now in your sixth year, it was hard for him to tell. The two of you had been flirting for years and even though it increased with every year, no actual moves ever came. George wondered if it truly was just flirting in Fred’s mind. Everytime he tiptoed near the topic of Fred’s feelings for you and if he had any, Fred shut it down in an instant. He’d tell George to ‘sod off’ and refused to speak on it. It gave George jumbled ideas.

So when Hermione came up with the idea of you spilling your feeling for Fred in an anonymous letter, it was an appealing thought. George toyed with the plan, a strange pang pulling in his guts told him this was a bad idea. He didn’t know why, but George was scared something would go wrong. He still hadn’t gotten a proper grasp on Fred’s feelings yet. If there was even a chance Fred would decline your confession of heart, George would feel terribly guilty for setting you up to fall. Harry sat this conversation out with Ron, not feeling like it was his place to be this involved. Ginny was in agreement with Hermione, of course, but George kept pushing for them to rethink. Although it was too late, you were already mentally planning a letter.

A week later you nervously handed George a small envelope. Inside was a folded up piece of parchment and in black ink was the words of your emptying out your heart to Fred. You dedicated a small poem to him, then on another page, you dropped small hints about your identity. You included memories, such as meeting on the Hogwarts Express, playing Quidditch together, trips to Hogsmeade, late nights talk, and more. Part of you hoped he solved the mystery right away. The larger part of you crossed your fingers that he felt the same way.

Taking your letter, George was sweating in fear. He had never been so unsure of his brother’s reaction in his life. There were many different ways this could go; the main two being either really really well, or really really bad. For some reason, George was leaning towards the latter.

Hermione on the other hand insisted Fred felt the same. She could sense it, whatever that means. You knew your friend was the most brilliant witch of your time, but she seemed wrong about this one. And now, as you stood staring at your roommate and best friend snuggled up on the couch you were just cuddling with him on last week, Hermione most definitely seemed to be wrong about this one.

Before you got the chance to see Fred and Angelina take their exchanges any further, a tall frame stepped in front of you, blocking your path of sight. Tilting your head up you were met with the soft, pitiful eyes of George Weasley. The other half of your trio reached out and held your shoulders in his hands, gripping your focus.

“We need to talk.”

Hermione followed George up to her door without creating any commotion. They didn’t want to catch anyone’s attention who would question their exit, especially Fred or Angelina. Speaking of which, Hermione led you and George to her dorm as it seemed to be the only chance of you not having to face either of the pair. Slamming the door with a huff, Hermione spun around and pointed to the tall Weasley shifting awkwardly.

“So what the bloody hell was that, George?” Hermione cut through the tension with her sharp words. You refused to meet either of their eyes. The lazer like study of George  melting into the side of your head. Your friend slugged over to the bed across from Hermione’s and plopped down. A heavy, tiresome, sigh fell from his lips.

“I just found out last night- I had no clue until Fred told me last night. She was leaving and… I’m just as lost as you guys.”

“What about the letter?” Hermione crossed her arms, starting over at George in anticipation.

“Lee told Fred ‘bout how he saw Angelina by our dorm earlier last week so Fred thinks she’s the one who wrote the letter. Guess it made him interested in her- I don’t know if he asked her about them or not but I guess they went out last week and now they’re… a thing? I don’t know, I’m sorry, darling. I didn’t know what to say, he just told me about it right before you came in. I wouldn’t have let you walk in that otherwise- Y/n I swear on that.” Shaking your head, you could feel the emotions bottling up to a spillage. Running a hand over your reddening face you expressed,n

“I know, George. It’s not your fault, I’m not mad at you, I could never. Just mad at the situation. I was stupid to think it would work between us.”

Hermione sat on the end of her bed, her eyes glaring out the window. Her head snapped in your direction. Mouth crack open ajar, her angry expression turned to disbelief and guilt. Shaking her head back and forth she exclaimed,

“It was my idea for you to write the letter, Y/n. I’m the one who should be apologizing for getting you into this mess-”

“No really, it’s not your guys fault. It’s no ones. If Fred likes Angelina then, he likes Angelina. I can’t change that and telling him I was the one who wrote the letter certainly won’t change that either. Love fucking sucks!” You shouted. George’s hands fumbled in his lap as he desperately tried to avoid your frame. He wasn’t sure he could handle the image. To George, the responsibility lay upon his shoulders but his heart suddenly broke into  million tiny pieces when he registered the small sobe choking out. The tears uncontrollably began to roll. You covered your mouth as you fell back into the bed sheets. Salty tears streamed down your cheeks, skipping down the skin. They poured from the side of her skin, splashing against the blanket underneath her.

The familiar grip of George wrapped around your body in an instant. Hermione attached herself as well, the two of them comforting you together. It was soothing to feel his hands rubbing against your back, and Hermione’s head resting on your shoulder.

“Y/n, no, no, please don’t cry, love. Please- shit Y/n, I’m so sorry.” You slumped into their arms, allowing their hugs.

George decided to stay for a few hours. The three of you just laid in Hermione’s bed chatting quietly about everything and anything except Fred Weasley. They made an effort to weave every conversation away from that danger zone. George placed a pillow in his lap, allowing you a seat for your head. Hermione’s bed wasn’t big enough for the three of you to sit spaciously so, he made do. Besides, George was your best friend so it was far more natural for him to cuddle with you than Hermione. He was sure Ron would have an earful for him if that was the case. Hermione sat with her back against the bed frame similar to George. His hands petted your hair delicately, lulling you into a deep sleep. Exhaustion from tears and disappointment, your slumber arrived quickly. As your light snores bounced off the stone walls of Hermione’s dorm room, she nudged George. He looked over in a second with a curious gaze.

“Does he really like her? Angelina?” She whispered the words so faint, they almost went unnoticed to George.

“I don’t know, Hermione. I mean… he’s my bloody twin and never has he ever even mentioned finding her attractive let alone wanting to date her. It’s all just… shocking. I should get going soon, though. Catch him before he goes to bed and maybe then I can get some answers.” George slowly lifted from the bed. He set his hand behind your head for support as he moved the pillow. As light as a feather, he placed your head down on the pillow and backed away as quiet as a mouse. The clock was approaching two in the morning and his heavy lids were starting to collapse. It wasn’t a terrible walk to his room, but it also wasn’t lightning speed. His sleepiness was taking over and if he fell asleep in Hermione’s bed with both her and you, he’d be expelled before sunrise, no matter the circumstance.

Hermione nodded and slipped down so she was laying in her bed. She

“Alright, George. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Taking a step out the door, the tall boy stuck his head back

“You want me to carry her up to her room?” He asked kindly. Hermione looked up at him, clearly doubtful on his offer. “For some reason, I don’t think Y/n will be too pleased to wake up in the same room as Angelina.” They both laughed, careful not to wake you. George mentally face palmed.

“Right. Can’t say that doesn’t make sense. Uh, goodnight, Hermione. Thanks for staying with her.” George mumbled awkwardly. The young witch just smiled and waved to him.

“Of course. Goodnight, George.”

By the time George had trudged back to his room, Fred was passed out, sleeping on top of his blankets instead of under, so George decided to hold off on setting his twin right. As he fell asleep, his thoughts worried about you. He was scared you would hide yourself away, detach from him in order to keep distance from his twin. George considered you to be his best friend, and having you hurt by the actions of his brother made him feel like shit. He found himself praying to whatever god might be listening that when the sun peaked up behind the darkness, you would be okay. Although when morning came, no one could find you. Hermione informed George that you had sneaked out early when the sun rose and she had yet to see you since.

Fred stumbled down the steps and into the common room around noon, rubbing his eyes in a groggy state. His feet dragged across the floor resembling more of a zombie than a human. Just as he entered, George, Harry, Ron and Hermione were standing from the leather sofa heading for the portrait. Ron was the one who noticed Fred and happily invited him along for their lunchtime run.  This earned an overdramatic roll of the eyes from Hermione and an awkward wince from Harry. The not so subtle gesture made Fred tilt his head. Nonetheless, he agreed, placing himself at George’s side and giving him a side hug.

The five took off for the dinning hall, making small talk as they went.

George’s jaw hit the floor as he waltzed into the Great Hall only to find you sitting at the end of the Hufflepuff table with Cedric Diggory. He stood, the wind knocked out of him in utter astonishment. Based on the events of the night before, he was expecting you to be still cuddled into Hermione’s bed, or eyes brimming with tears, but you were the exact opposite. A bright, million dollar smile shined from your face. George could hear your laughter from the adjacent direction of the dinning hall. Cedric was sitting beside you, his arms resting on the table as his eyes gazed at you. Everyone knew you guys were friends but it was more, acquaintances or classmates rather than best friends. He pondered if this was your act of retaliation against Fred getting with Angelina- or maybe you truly were trying to move on. No matter the reality, George knew this wasn’t just two friends catching up, and if that was the case, you two had a weird way of showing it.

The sight made a large grin creep to Hermione’s lips. Harry and Ron were completely lost in translation as to why you were sitting with him and Fred, well Fred was livid. So livid the shade of his cheeks was an exact match to the shade of his hair, and everyone saw it. He stopped walking and, quite loudly, choked on the thick air of the room. Some looked over at the sound, intrigued George kicked at the back of his shoe, signaling Fred to keep walking. He obliged, but his focus stayed trained on you and Cedric. At their movement, he slowly lifted his head and was greeted with the fiery eyes of Fred. A teasing smirk hit his lips which only made the fire burning inside Fred blaze harder. Cedric leaned down softly to whisper in your ear, his words making your turn to glance at your friends. You sent them a wave, then turned back to Cedric. You’d be lying to yourself if you said it didn’t bring you a slight joy to see the visible reaction of Fred.

George dragged his brother to the Gryffindor table, practically shoving him into a seat. He sat down next to him as the rest of the group took the seats around them. All their friends were staring at Fred, waiting for his next move.

Smacking his fist on the tabletop in vexation, Fred fumed,

“Is… is that Y/n and Diggory? That’s Y/n and fucking Diggory!”

George met his brother with a deadpan expression.

“Thanks, Fred, couldn’t tell. I mean, they have been friends since our second year.” He muttered. Although this was true, you only recently started talking again. Cedric was popular among students at Hogwarts so as the years trialed on, it became harder and harder to keep a close bond with him. You never had a nasty falling out- you still waved and smiled at each other during class and in the halls, you just stopped spending your free time together as often. Cedric was constantly with his little group of friends and you were rarely disconnected from Fred and George’s hips.

But when he saw you wandering the halls, tear strokes staining your cheeks, he rekindled the friendship with his natural kindness. Wordlessly, Cedric halted his journey to the Great Hall and kneeled down in front of you, asking you what was the matter. Blame it on the lack of sleep or the heightened emotions, you spilled your emotions and confessed everything to him. His presence felt nostalgic and comfortable, it felt like the old days. After crying to him for sometime, Cedric offered to keep you company for the day.

He showed you around the greenhouse, pointing out which ones he planted and all his favorites. You then took him to the Great Lake where you walked around for an hour and shared what you had missed from each other’s lives. It was exactly what you needed to feel a little better for a while. You guys ended your trip down memory lane, and survey of the grounds, in the Great Hall, Cedric’s original destination. He invited you to sit with him and, not wanting to sit alone, you kindly tagged along. Since then, the two of you hadn’t left your spot at the Hufflepuff table. When Cedric saw your friends walking in, he decided to do you a favor and scoot a little closer, purposely making Fred twitch from the opposite side of the room.

Scoffing heavily, Fred lifted his eyebrow and motioned to Cedric and yourself.

“When the bloody hell have they ever sat together- I mean look at how fucking close they are! He’s basically on top of her… I should go see if she’s okay-” Pushing himself up from the table, a quick hand grasped at his side, snagging him back down with a thump. “No, Fred. Just let her be, she had a rough night.” The snarky cut sounded from Hermione. The curly haired girl gave a sneer to Fred, irritated soaking through her words.

“What happened? I never even saw her come in last night.”

“And why’s that?” Hermione asked, head cocked to the side, daring Fred to reply. But when he didn’t say anything, she huffed and continued, “She went to bed right after she got in- uh, I think she said something about an essay or exam. Can’t remember.”

An awkward silence took over, no one else wanting to speak up. George was scrapping around his lunch, taking small bites as he waited for someone to change the topic. Fred glared once more over to you then begrudgingly stated,

“Guess I’ll just have to ask her about it at practice tomorrow. She seems occupied.” The green-eyed monster had fully awakened in Fred. He contemplated strutting right over and yanking you away from Cedric. His blood boiled, envy tainting his circulation. A small part of Fred was beginning to believe you had feelings for him as well- well that was until now. Now, he knew you didn’t and it ripped his heart in two.

Sucking in his cheeks, Fred’s teeth toyed and bit at the skin. His knuckles remained clenched and his eyes cold.

A new group of students made their way into the Great hall, with them, Angelina Johnson.

“Hey Fred.” Angelina was smiling, a sickeningly sweet smile that made the skin under her eyes crinkle. Hermione noticed the unfamiliar tint of peach kissing her lips. She rolled her eyes, annoyance growing at Angelina putting in the extra effort to look nice for Fred. She never wore makeup, and Hermione had to resist the urge to throw her glass of water on the girl’s face. Although younger than you, Hermione was extremely protective of you as you were with her. She was your closest girlfriend and Hermione was not about to let Angelina stomp all over you.

Fred Weasley broke his gaze from you to turn to Angelina. A fake smirk hit his face as he greeted her.

“Angelina, hi.” Ron and Harry listened in, trying to act like they weren’t paying attention. They weren’t huge on drama like this- it was a lose lose for Ron to get involved seeing as Fred was his older brother. Harry preferred to remain in his own conflict- Merlin knows he had a laundry list of those.

The older Gryffindor girl had her hand in her hair, fingers twisting a strand absentmindedly. Instead of dressing down for the sluggish Sunday, Angelina had on a tight red and black plaid skirt, and a tight, slightly unbuttoned white long sleeve.

“I was wondering, you wanna go back to the common room with me? Thought we could hangout for a while.” Leaning to her hip, a seductive gleam twinkled in her eyes. Ron could feel the gag creeping up his throat. Everyone, even Fred, had to hold back from scoffing at the girl. Right as Fred went to decline her proposal, his eyes drew over to you. The resentment and fury hit his bloodstream again when he saw Cedric leaning in so close that his lips were almost brushing your cheeks. He narrowed in on you moving towards his touch, the laughter that cascaded from your lips at his whispers. Out of spite, Fred grinned up at Angelina and nodded his head.

“Sure,” Fred propped his hands on either side of the table, lifting himself up, “I’ll see you guys later.” He commented before taking off with Angelina out of the Great Hall. George pushed the food around on his plate, trying to think of a way to make things right. He hated having his two best friends in a standoff, one that his dim twin seemed to not even understand. Looking up, George saw your eyes watching Fred and Angelina leaving the hall, hand-in-hand.

Cedric reached out for your hand, giving it a tight squeeze in an attempt to distract you. His hands were warm in your cold grip and the comfort was slim. If it were Fred’s hands in your own, maybe it would feel different. Resting your head on the wooden table, Cedric could barely make out your sorrowful mumble.

“See, I told you. He’s not interested.”

The kind Hufflepuff shook his head, the sandy brown locks in his hair swinging as he did. To him, it was obvious. Maybe it was a guy thing, but Cedric could feel the heat fuming off Fred from the other side of his room. It was obvious to him that seeing you and Cedric so close together, got under his skin.

Setting his fork down, Cedric wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to his side.

“Y/n, darling, that is the exact opposite as not interested- he’s only leaving with her because he got jealous that you’re with me! You can’t tell me all that glaring and pouting and red face was because he’s ‘not interested’ in you.” You sat stunned at his words, not having a comeback ready at all. He made a valid point- one that infected your thoughts. Was Fred actually upset that you were with Cedric? No, you declared, he had Angelina, why would he care about who you were with. An answer for Cedric still hadn’t come so you shrugged to him, and started digging into the food on your plate.

A hearty, childlike, chuckle eliminated from Cedric as he gave you one last side hug,

“See, I told you.” He mocked teasingly. You glared at him playfully then glanced over at the Gryffindor table. George Weasley had already turned towards you, silently pleading for you to come over. You mentioned to the east entrance of the dinning hall, signaling for him to meet you there. Excusing yourself politely from Cedric, you promised to return later in the evening, telling him you needed to take care of some business. He of course sweetly obliged, waving to you as you left his table, then joined up with his friends.

George jogged off after you, quickly meeting you outside of the hall. Before you could say hello, he was already diving in.

“You’re mad, woman. Absolutely mad! Do you see how angry Fred was? Cause I was sitting at him and he was incensed! I swear- he was about to leap over there and fight Cedric!” George’s hollar rang to the tippy top of the Astronomy tower. Passerbys leered nosily, wanting a taste of the gossip. Shoving George lightly, you started walking towards the Gryffindor side of the castle with him on your tail.

“Doesn’t matter- he’s with Angelina.” You stated. As much as you wanted the conversation to vanish, George wasn’t about to let you go that easy. Following by your side, an ear shattering laugh came from George.

“Y/n, he only went to hangout with her because he was livid about you and Cedric!”

The traffic in the hall was overwhelming. For a Sunday, there sure were a lot of students roaming the halls. The younger students basically ogled over the two of you as you passed by. First and second year Gryffindors always thought of the Weasley twins and gods for their notorious pranks, and by association, you as well. A group of first year Gryffindor students were crowded around the Cobblestone Courtyard, trying to sneak points and stares at you two. George and you waved over to the boys, their eyes widening at your gestures, but returning a shaky wave back nonetheless. You both continued walking, trying to keep the conversation as light as possible. “Whatever, George.” Crossing your arms over your chest, you sent him a pointed look, stopping dead in your tracks. Turning to a softer tone you asked, “Would you do me a small favor?”

His eyes squinting, George flattened his lips into a thin line.

“What kind of a favor?”

“Just come to McGonagall’s office with me and I’ll explain on the way.” You insisted. Having nothing better to do and wanting to probe your brain for a bit longer, George agreed. However when you made it to the tower of the teacher's offices, he started to regret coming along. The two of you climbed your way up to the fourth floor, and George’s mouth went dry to the bone when you started knocking on the door of Professor McGonagall. Dots started to connect and before George had the chance to stop you, McGonagall’s door creaked open and the beloved Professor

“Miss. Y/l/n, Mr. Weasley, what can I do for the two of you? You didn’t explode a laboratory again, did you?” The tiredness in her voice was noticeably as she prepared herself to deal with the consequences of your reckless pranks. Instead, you reassured her by shaking your head.

“No, Professor, not this time. I was wondering if I could speak to you about leaving the Quidditch team?”

“What?” Both McGonagall and George asked in unison. The seriousness in your gaze answered their questions. McGonagall gave you a bewildered look, not expecting your request in the slightest. George couldn’t move. His feet were cemented to the floor- not giving a single budge. Ever since you were age qualified for tryouts, Fred, George, and you had been on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Your third year you were all starters and it hasn't changed since. Everyone could agree, even your opponents, that you were the top chaser in the school, next to a seventh year Ravenclaw boy. You were faster than most, strategic, quick on your feet, and were an excellent flyer.

George went to pull for your hand, destined to make you rethink. But you moved your hand away before your skin touched. He couldn’t think of the words to yell at you to stop, for once in his life. McGonagall flicked her eyes between you two, then stepped to the side, opening her office door.

“Come in, dear- both of you, come in.”

On Monday evening, the Gryffindor Quidditch team was pooled together on the pitch making conversation before practice started. Angelina Johnson stood a few feet from, giggling and whispering with Alicia and Katie. The girls would glance over to the twins every few seconds, then giggle turning back to each other. As time passed on, Fred found it quite annoying. He wasn’t dating Angelina although he wondered if that was clear to her. For the last week and a half, the pair had been sneaking around the castle, snogging in dark corridors, flirting during practice, getting handsy during class and sitting awfully close to one another in the common room. To Fred, he was just having fun and if he was being honest, it was getting a bit boring but he felt that Angelina deserved a chance.

When he found the heartfelt letter on his bed, he felt he owed it to Angelina to at least give it a try. The way she poured her heart to him on paper- it made him feel special, cared about. Fred couldn’t say with one hundred present confidence that the writer was Angelina, but Lee Jordan was certain it was her.  

Although he had been devoting most of his time to hanging out with Angelina and trying to sort out if he had any feelings, Fred noticed a change in you. After that night in the common room, seeing you became a rare occurrence. No longer did Fred walk you to and from class, Cedric did now, and sometimes George. Fred almost had a heart attack the first time he spotted you walking through the corridors with Cedric Diggory close to your hip. That was four days ago and since then, the two of you still hadn’t really spoken.

Fred kicked at the grass and sand surrounding his feet. He didn’t have the motivation nor the energy to flirt with Angelina when his mind was stuck on you. He hated the jealousy that took over when he saw you with Cedric, but he couldn’t shake the image. The sound of his younger brother shouting brought Fred back to reality. George had been standing by his side, but he had been far too quite as well. It made Fred feel like he was going crazy- like he was left out on whatever had been consuming George and yourself. He was distressed over the situation, but Ron’s screeching was too distracting to come up with any solutions. Fred peeked over to his brother as Ron demanded,

“Where’s Y/n? She’s our top Chaser- where the bloody hell is she?” Ron was frantically scanning the pitch for you. Walking up from behind the group, Oliver Wood announced his arrival with an annoyed, and irritated voice.

“McGonagall let me know this morning that y/l/n will not be joining us for the rest of the year. Guess she was falling behind in classes and McGonagall and she felt it was best to quit the team… I don’t agree, but I can’t do anything.” He clutched his broom in his left hand, nearly snapping the wood in half. Everyone crowded around could feel the anger radiating off Oliver. His lips were pressed in a stern line, and his body was stiff as a board. The rest of the team shifted under his heated glare. Oliver had a way of killing with his eyes and the baffled Gryffindor players could sense it was going to be one long practice.

Giving the team one last overlook, Oliver pivoted on his back foot and stomped off. The rest of the group exchanged quizential gleams, separate groups of chatter running amuck.

Fred could hear Alicia and Angelina talking about you. You were the third party to their line of Chasers- they had no idea what to do without you on the team anymore.

“What? She never told me that.” Angelina Johnson crossed her arms in thought, puzzled by the entire announcement. If you were behind in classes, why hadn’t you told her? Leaning her weight on her hip, Angelina looked over the twins. She knew the three of you were best friends, so she assumed they’d have answers. Fred was already looking over to her, only for some sort of answers as to why you quit. Burrowing her eyebrows, she sent him a question leer. She was just as left in the dark as he. Suddenly, a light bulb flicked in a flare. Fred turned to his twin, who was far too quiet, meaning he already knew.

“Y/n tell you she was quitting?” It was more a demand than a question, but Fred still wanted to hear George admit it. Awkwardly, George scratched at the skin of his neck. It was such an uncomfortable situation for him to be stuck in the middle of, but he loved both of you and it hurt him to see you hurt. George shrugged, switching his broom between his hands.

“Yeah, I went with her to go talk to McGonagall, I told her not to but y’know how stubborn she is. Had her mind set.” He confessed. George kept checking for their captain, for the first time he was eager for practice to begin. He didn’t care if Oliver was going to take his frustrations of you leaving the team out on them- he just wanted the conversation between himself and Fred to be over. Flying 100 laps around the pitch in one cycle was much more appealing than standing there any longer. Although his twin wasn’t about to let him slide that easy. Taking a step forward Fred seethed,

“Wait, she asked you to come with her? She didn’t even tell me anything about leaving the team. Also didn’t say anything about Diggory...” His tone was a mix of shock and jealousy. The envy dripping from his words was harsh. The white bones of his knuckles peaked out from beneath his skin as his fists clenched at his sides. This caught George’s attention but not in a positive light.

It made him tick in an unfamiliar way. To George, even though Fred was his twin, he didn’t have the right to be upset with him for being your shoulder. Yes, Fred didn’t know what exactly was going on, but he knew something was up. He had to have some sort of inkling and it irritated George that Fred was mad at him.

Scoffing deeply, George threw it right back at him,

“Not like you’ve even been around that much lately. Seems like you’ve been a bit,” His eyes shot over to one particular Chaser, then again to his twin. “Busy. Didn’t tell her about that one either, I assume.” Cold were his words and his face twisted in a scowl. Eyes wide as the moon, Fred gestured to the girl standing next to her friends.

“Angelina?” He asked in surprise. As dumbfounded as his brother seemed, George’s annoyance only extended at an alarming rate. Oliver rented the pitch and was trudging over to the group. Shaking his orange locks George scrunched his nose.

“I mean, did you tell Y/n about whatever the hell this is going on between Angelina and you. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t tell you shit when you don’t tell her either.” He spat jarringly. The tension was boiling between the two of them and Fred was lost as to why. Stepping away, he lifted his hands in defense. “Woah, where did the attitude come from? I don’t even know what I did, George. It’s not like Y/n will even glance in my direction lately. Help me out.”

Fred was completely disconcerted, pleading to his brother with his eyes to give him some guidance. It was unlike George to keep things from his twin, and Fred needed to get to the bottom of it. Why would you confide in George? To Fred, the two of you were always a bit closer than George and yourself. There were different boundaries, different normalities between you and each twin. A weird conjunction of irk and bitterness brewed inside him. “For some reason, I don’t believe that. You know, Fred, Angelina didn’t write that letter.” His words struck Fred like a bus. Nearly giving himself whiplash, Fred snapped his sharp eyes to George as his mouth parted open. George’s focus remained on their captain who was nearing. The matter-of-fact tone to his voice had Fred even more confused. Grabbing his brother by the shoulder to force his attention, Fred gasped.

“What-” An abrupt hollar from the Gryffindor captain rang out causing the team to quiet down and look over to Oliver. With a gruff expression, Wood wasted no time diving into instructions.

“Okay everyone, gather ‘round. First piece of business, Katie, you’ll be taking over for Y/n, second piece of business…”

Fred drowned out the sound of Oliver moaning on as his mind raced to the letter. His brain repeated the sweet words over and over again. There was an extremely slim pool of people who could know all those things about him, and some of it, Fred was almost positive Angelina didn’t know. Yes, he met her his first year, but Angelina didn’t know Fred was afraid of the dark. She had no idea he hated socks. That was something he shared with you over winter break when the harsh winter forced him to wear the constricting material on his feet. Didn’t know about the scar on his knee he got last summer when Fred, George and yourself went exploring in the woods and he fell into a hunting trap. You knew all these things- but if you were the true author, Fred was almost certain you would’ve said something by now… right? That’s what made the whole situation so frustrating to him. He thought about asking Angelina, getting a straight forward response but if she did say no, what was he supposed to do. If Angelina didn’t write the letter, then who did? Did the prank king himself fall for a prank? Fred’s judgement remained clouded for the rest of the practice, despite how hard Oliver pushed them. He needed to find you and at least figure out why you had been avoiding him.

While your former teammates were hard at work on the pitch, you were sat in the courtyard with Cedric. The two of you were propped up on the brick wall, sitting half inside the corridor and half outside. Students walked past as dinner was nearing, mummering about the two of you while walking by. Those who were unaware of your history gossiped about a possible relationship. A relationship was the last thing either of you wanted for each other.

Cedric was busy telling you a story about a holiday him and his father took to Greece the year before, a country you had been dying to visit. You were invested in his story about traveling to see authentic Greek God statues when the figure of a familiar boy came into view from the corner of your eye. Behind Cedric was Fred Weasley running up to every student in his perimeter, saying something to them, then running off to the next one. He reached a Slytherin girl, asked her something, then much to your surprise, she turned around and pointed at you. Fred followed her finger until his eyes found yours. Rushing over, Fred thought you were alone until he was a foot away and the shoulder of Cedric could be seen poking out behind the pillar.

Fred stopped next to Cedric, trying his best to appear intimidating, which would’ve caused you to giggle recklessly if the situation were different.

“Y/n… Cedric. Fancy running into the two of you.”

“Hey Fred.” The confidence in Cedric’s voice almost made you laugh. He was toying with Fred because he knew he could. You didn’t have an attraction towards Cedric, and he saw you as a great friend. Fred didn’t need to know this all yet.

Now that Fred was face-to-face with Cedric, you could see that your friend was correct about noticing the jealousy. Fred snarled at the Hufflepuff, a scowl painting his face. Once he looked over to you, his features softened. Biting your lip you echoed,

“Hi.” Fred was pleased with your response, even if it was minimal, at least you were willing to acknowledge him now. That was a step.

Reaching for your hand, Fred laced his rough fingers around your own. It was a familiar feeling you had been missing for over a week. Having his attention on you was something you missed- just having him around was something you missed.

Cedric coughed awkwardly, awaiting Fred’s move. The Gryffindor glared over again then took a deep breath, resisting the ticking urge to shove the boy away from your vicinity.

“Y/n, uh, can we talk?” He paused for a moment, “Without dear Cedric around.”

“Sure. I’ll see you around, Ced.” You leaned up to hug your friend, then watched as he walked away, smirking to himself.

“Ced?” Fred muttered under his breath, earning a small frown from you. “Sorry…”

Scratching at his arm, Fred tried to figure out where to begin. There were so many questions- so many. It was impossible to declare the perfect place to start. Realizing he wasn’t going to speak first, you broke the ice.

“You just want to talk here?” The corridor was empty, expect a Ravenclaw couple stealing a nap before curfew. A pair of students would walk by every so often, but they never strayed from their path.

“Uh, I suppose. I mean you haven’t really been talking to me at all for a week, so I’ll have a conversation wherever I can get one.” Fred chuckled uncomfortably, the lack of humor on your face building tension. You were staring out at the bare courtyard, viewing the scenery of flowers and greenery. Tall trees whooshed in the wind, leaves tumbling to the green grass gracefully. Branches swung against each other, the noise helping to create a distraction.

Slipping his thumb under your chin, Fred lifted your head locking his eyes on yours. You finally peered back at him, and the look in his eyes almost made your heart crumble. A slight glossy, sadness glazed his typically wild, gleaming, happy orbs. His hand tightened on your face, although not enough to hurt.

“Y/n why won’t you even look at me, love? You’re obsessed with Quidditch almost as much as Oliver and you just upped and quit. Don’t even try the excuse of ‘falling behind in school’, we both know that’s a bold lie. You’re the brightest witch in the castle. Look at me please, love.” He pleaded. A sudden rush of irritation surged through you, irked at his words. Pushing him back, you tried to rid yourself of the boy. Stubborn as he was, Fred didn’t move a muscle.

“Stop. Stop it. You can’t say that.” Sternly you scolded him. Fred ran his free hand across his face, his frustration getting the best of him.

“I can’t say what, darling?”

Finding the strength to push him away, you glowered intensely, “You can’t call me love, and you certainly can’t call me darling. You have Angelina for that.” The last part was thrown in more to jab at Fred, wanting to make him feel even an ounce of the pain you were experiencing. It was exactly the most adult choice, but who could blame you. It’s like they say; hurt people, hurt people.

Despite the coldness of your presence, Fred wasn’t backing off. Tugging at your wrist, he pulled your attention in again. His hands were gentle yet his features were sharp.

“So, what? Can only Cedric call you that? Cause just a week ago you were fine with it- loving it actually. This has nothing to do with Angelina-” The vein in his forehead was popping out from all the emotions Fred was draining at once. The last time you saw that sort of a reaction was when Fred nearly murdered his brother Percy for delivering him personally to Snape for exploring the castle after hours. It was quite an interesting Christmas break after that stunt. Fred attempted manslaughter roughly five times during that month off.

You heard his words but all you could see was red. You couldn’t stand to hear him say her name, it made the hairs on the back of your neck rise at the thought of Fred with Angelina. A week’s worth of heartbreak, anger, and hurt exploded without warning as you leaned close to Fred and shouted feverishly,

“This has everything to do with Angelina, Fred!” The anger boiled into a scream as you shoved your finger into his chest, poking him harshly, “You were supposed to be my best friend- her too- and you never told me. You led me on, you made me think you actually had feelings for me, that I had a chance, then you went and got with my roommate, and didn’t say a word to me! You just want me to pretend everything is fine and dandy but it isn’t! You hurt me- her too, but you more than anyone. I’ve been friends with both of you since first year- I’ve been in love with you since first year- and you never even said a thing, you coward! I fucking left clues in neon signs in that letter and you still ignored them. You could’ve just told me, Fred. I can’t even look at either of you the same now. Why didn’t you tell me?” The tears were pouring like a broken faucet at this point. Salt kissed the corner of your mouth then splashed onto the stone floor. Your head fell, allowing the cries to smack right to the ground. A black shoe came into view as it stepped towards you. Refusing to look up, you silently begged for Fred to do something- anything. Soon enough, his large hand clasped around your shoulder, yanking you tightly into his chest. His arms encapsulated you into a hold, hugging you like he never had before. Instead of fighting him off, you felt your body sinking into his arms as the sobs continued. Fred’s hand reached to your head, petting at your hair in a soothing manner.

Pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, Fred lingered his lips against your skin. This was something he had down a million times but with the circumstances, it felt different this time, more genuine.

“You wrote those letters?” Fred uttered faintly. All the stars were aligning in his mind as the confession coated the air. He wanted to kick himself endlessly for putting a blindside up to all the flags. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine you, his best friend, would share the love he felt for you. He started to think back on all your little antics in a different light. How you’d hug him first after every Quidditch match- win or lose. How you’d hold only his hand when you walked to class and never George’s. How you’d braid his hair in the common room on the weekends and spend all night spilling your secrets to him. How whenever there was a party, you stayed close to his side clutching his hand, not that Fred ever let you wander far. It caused his heart to skip a beat as he fixed all the pieces together into a neat puzzle.

“Of course I fucking wrote the letters, Fred! Who else could’ve known all that, hm? I’m sure you ruled George out right away so that only leaves one of us. You didn’t want it to be me- you wanted it to be her.” Your voice cracked at the admission, turning away from Fred while the tears took control. You wanted to run off so bad, to go cry in a corner and never face anyone again. Wiping your eyes, Fred snatched your mascara smudged hand and frantically exclaimed,

“No, that’s not true! I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so bad Y/n, but it was just too good to be true. When I found them on my bed, Lee said Angelina was standing outside our room right before he came up so I… I guess it was just… I don’t know. I didn’t want to risk it, I was just scared if it really was you.” Your eyes rolled in disbelief, was he really driving the dagger in even more? Was it really necessary? The message was received loud and clear as you sneered up at him.

“I get it, Fred, okay? I fucking get it so you don’t have to spell it out for me. You’re with Angelina and I’m just your friend-” For the first time in the long years of your friendship, Fred Weasley snapped at you. Never had you heard his scary, angry voice directed at you, but this time, you were the only one around to be on the receiving end.

“Will you just shut up! I’m not with Angelina- I had a thing with her but I could never be with her, Y/n. She’s just… just-ugh! She’s just not you and it’s infuriating. And if I see you in Diggory’s arms one more time, I think I’m gonna explode.” He finished, out of breath and huffing. His hand around yours had gripped harder, your fingers nearly numb. This was the least of your concerns. All you could comprehend was the rapid words of the boy in front of you.

A triumphant sensation hit your stomach. It made you a little happy to know Fred was envious of Cedric. He had no reason to be, but it still made you smirk a tiny bit. Shrugging half heartedly you mumbled,

“Now you know how I feel…”

Fred’s head shot up at this. Confusion written all over his face he questioned,

“Wait, you’re not with Cedric?”

“No, Fred! He’s my friend- unlike you and Angelina, I don’t snog Cedric.” Dragging your words out, you sent a knowing flare at Fred. He didn’t deny it though, which was what you wanted. If anything was going to happen between the two of you, you needed to be entirely honest and Fred was ready for that. Lifting your hand to his face, you opened your grasp fully, allowing it to rest against the warmth of his cheek.

“It was only once, darling. Just to see if something was there and… well, don’t tell Angelina, but it was bloody terrible. I was expecting it to be like that time we uh, ‘accidently’ kissed last year. Don’t know if you remember it but I certainly do. But um, yeah it was nothing like that. I remember when I kissed you, it felt like that feeling of comfort that I get whenever I step inside The Burrow. And with Angelina, it was more so empty. With you, I had fucking butterflies for weeks! After I kissed Angelina- I vowed I wouldn’t do it again. I never want to kiss any girl who isn’t you, I mean that, Y/n. I’ve had a crush on you since George and I sat next to you on the train to Hogwarts. I’ve been in love with you since we got off that train our first year, and I haven’t stopped since.”

“I remember everything about that day, you were my first kiss after all.” A smile graced your lips at the memory. You had joined the Weasley’s for the last month of summer break, only months ago. Fred, George, and yourself were up late one night in their room gossiping about the new drama you had missed while apart. You laid on your stomach on Fred’s bed, and George on his. Fred sat cross legged beside you, his arm lying on your back. After a few hours, Ginny knocked to inform you she was heading to bed. Taking a risky gamble, Fred begged Molly to let you sleep in their room on a makeshift cot. It took him a little over three weeks to get a yes from her- but with the limitation that the door stay open no matter the hour.

Ginny would stop in every night to wish you a good sleep. Although small in retrospect, this was a big reason Fred fell even more in love with you, the way his little sister looked up at you as if you were the most beautiful creature to ever lay foot on this earth- not that Fred would deny this. He agreed fully, but it made him happier than ever to know that his family loved you and consider you an honorary Weasley. He hoped one day he’d be able to make you an official Weasley, but that would come further down the road.

George crashed around three and Fred and yourself decided to lay in his bed for a few more hours before hitting the hay. You knew you’d have to sneak back to your cot before sunrise or Molly would execute Fred- not you of course, just Fred. She never found you guilty for any of their disastrous plans.

After an hour or so, you were laying next to Fred, staring up at the ceiling as he explained to you all the reasons on how he was superior to George in Quidditch, a conversation that he would only win when George was passed out. For some reason, this led to Fred rambling on about the first time he saw you flying, how he knew you would be an exquisite flyer. Maybe it was because of the kind compliments and the admiration it created inside of you but you placed a soft kiss to the corner of Fred’s lip mid sentence as he gushed about your Quidditch skills. 

As you pulled away, Fred pulled you forward again, this time initiating the kiss himself and smacking his lips entirely on yours. Although it was your first kiss, you caught on quick. Fred moved to hover over you which caused your kiss to break and reality to set in. You both went as white as a ghost, frozen in place. Fred just stayed on top of you, unsure of what to do next. His heart urged him to kiss you again but the look of shock on your face made him doubt this idea. After an awkward minute of this, you slowly slid out from under him and sprinted to the makeshift bed, hiding under the covers until morning. It was embarrassing to say the least but neither of you mentioned it since. You went back to normal the next day, pretending the kiss was a figment of your imaginations. But it was as real as your feelings and it happened. You pondered now if you had kissed him again back on that night, maybe you would’ve been together sooner.

Pulling you back into the moment, Fred peeled your hand from his face and scattered a line of kisses to your knuckles,

“If you’d let me, I’d like to be your last.”

“What exactly are you asking me, Freddie?” You smiled, a sugary confection grin, like the world was finally turning in your favor. A gleeful grin took over Fred at the nickname your gifted him. Leaving a chaste peck to the back of your hand, Fred leaned into your touch. “I’ve missed that so much, love. You’re the only one besides mum and George that can call me Freddie. But,” Eyes meeting your, you could feel your heart melting under his gaze. “I want to ask you if you��d be my girlfriend?” If you weren’t standing so close, his whispered words would’ve gone unheard. Luckily for the both of you, they fully registered in your head and heart. Pinching at the skin of your arm, you reassured yourself this was in fact real and not a dream. Fred really was standing in front of you confessing everything you had been dying to hear since your first year. You figured you must have been staring for far too long as a look of fear flashed across Fred’s face.

“Freddie, of course I’ll be your girlfriend!”

“Merlin’s beard- you had me scared, darling.” He hugged you close to his chest, the rhythmic beat of his heart pounding against your ears. You could hear the nerves in his voice causing you to giggle against him.

“Did you really think I was going to say no?”

“I mean I have been a down right git these last few days so, can you blame me for being worried?” He pulled away to glance down at you with a funny expression. Scrunching your nose as if deep in thought, you shook your head.

“Nope.”

Skimming his thumb across your cheek again, Fred took a different approach this time. His body leaned in slowly to yours, stopping just before connecting to brush his lips against yours. The tips of your noses touched, making you laugh at the tickle. He took his time admiring every detail of your face so up close and personal. His eyes surveyed the miniscule dark spots kissing your s/c skin, the paint strokes of e/c in your eyes, the indented dimples in your cheeks and all the beautiful little details that crafted you.

Drawing in, Fred closed the inch of a gap by pressing his pursed lips against your own. Your knees gave out almost immediately at the intense passion and spark soaring through you. As if expecting you to stumble, Fred’s free arm was wrapped securely around your waist, supporting your body to a stand. Snaking your hands around his face, you mimicked his movements by enticing him in with your lips and kissing him deeply. You moved your hand down to his tie, gripping the satin material in your hand then whipped it towards yourself. Fred crashed further into your lips, a groan of pleasure emmitnating. His hand trailed from your waist to your hair, returning the action by tugging at your hair.

You gasped at the sensation, giving Fred the perfect window of opportunity to take the lead. The warmth, and wetness of his tongue slipped around your lip, then entered your mouth. You fought with him wanting to dominate the kiss but Fred was far too skilled.

His tongue danced with yours before flicking across your lips in a teasing manner. You giggled into his lips, a smile rising to Fred’s lips. Detaching himself from your embrace, Fred pulled back, then kissed your cheek. His hands found their previous position around your face. As he held your face in his hands, he leaned down to rest your foreheads against one another. Like a child whose mother just purchased him a puppy, Fred abruptly gushed,

“I can finally call you mine now, isn’t that wicked! Like… you’re my girlfriend now! Bloody hell, this is amazing. I should’ve asked you out years ago!” He chuckled giddly, squeezing your cheeks lightly in his hands. You pulled away, smacking his hands playfully.

“Tell me about it. Would’ve made this a whole lot easier.”

“Ah c’mon, love. Nothing worth it ever comes easy, right?” Fred smiled down at you, intertwining his large hand in yours. You peeked at the interlock, a grin rising to your face. Despite the annoyance of how long it took him, you couldn’t be happier now that he was truly yours. He was right, the wait was finally worth it. For once, your life was aligning with the script of a Hollywood film and it had never felt better.

Gripping Fred’s hand loving you tilted your head up at him,

“Is that your excuse for taking, what… six years?” His cheeks went red at this and he attempted to cover his face in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, darling! Oh wait- am I allowed to call you that, or is it still reserved for Diggory?” Wiggling his eyebrows at you Fred broke into a fit of chuckles. You hit his side, causing him to step back, though the laughter roared louder. Narrowing your eyes, you feigned anger as you spun on your heel and started to walk in the opposite direction, away from Fred.

“Shut up, Freddie! You want me to break-up with you already?” Fred knew you were joking, but he was a sucker for games. It didn’t take him long to catch up to you- his long strides were no match to your average ones. Wrapping his arms around your body from the back, Fred pressed his lips to the shell of your ear, blowing a rush of air in causing you to leap in surprise. 

“Oh, stop it, love! Don’t start with that, let’s at least make it a full day before any talks of breaking up.” Fred placed a ‘boop’ to your nose, then rejoined you at your side as you walked together to the dorm room. The other students had emptied from the halls. Passing by the large clock, you realized you were minutes from curfew. Pointing at the time, you motioned over to Fred. He swiveled his head to read the clock, a wild smirk marking his face. Speeding up the pace, the two of you were jogging to the common room, neither of you wanting to end up in detention. Just as you reached the fourth floor, a silvery and translucent figure swept across the opening of the corridor. You yelp in freight at the unexpected jump scare of a Hogwarts ghost. The Bloody Baron snapped his head at you with a nasty scowl. A silver, heavy chain hung around his neck, a punishment for his crime of murder. Although ghosts of Hogwarts weren’t ghoulish or frightening, The Bloody Baron had never been your favorite. Despite deceased, the throw of his glare felt real and caused your skin to crawl in fear.

Fred interjected, greeting The Bloody Baron kindly and apologizing for your reaction. The ghosts at Hogwarts were rather sensitive to their state. Besides, he always had a softer side for the twins. The Bloody Baron and Peeves were connected in a way so the Weasley twins always got a pass.

The ghost gravitated to the side of the entrance, allowing an opening for you to pass. You thanked him, apologizing for your previous reaction as you stepped past. As you made it out of his earshot, a stream of laughter poured from Fred. Tears pricked his eyes as he chuckled endlessly. You glared at him, warning him with just one look to keep quiet. Fred threw his arm around you, pulling you into his side. He leaned down to place a lingering kiss to your lips before chuckling again,

“C’mon, darling. I’ll protect you from all the ghosts.”

[xreaderbooks]

Part of us

 Request: Could I request a Sirius x reader where the reader is maybe a year younger and his or regulus childhood best friend and she gets sorted to gryffindor so she becomes a target for bullies so Sirius and the marauders takes her under their wing....a few years later she gets hurt and Sirius gets super protective and confess his feelings....angst and fluff??

Pair: Sirius Black x reader, Platonic! Marauders x reader, Platonic! Regulus Black x reader

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: Language

A/N: So this is my first request... I don’t know if I did what you imagined justice but this is what I came up with and I really hope you enjoy. 

Masterlist 

When you were placed into Gryffindor you thought it was a mistake. There was no way with your long line of Slytherin pureblood, that you'd be a Gryffindor. Not that you thought there was anything wrong with that. You never cared to live up to people's expectations or what people thought of you, even though your parents did. And despite your family's attempts at making you see their way, you never could. There was no superior bloodline, you were all equal. But you played your part so you wouldn't hear the lectures or deal with all the drama. You didn't partake in the bullying or the maltreatment of muggle-borns or half-bloods like every other pureblood; you didn't see the need. You kind of just stood by or left whenever your friends would tantalize others.

However, when you got sorted you weren't the silent one while others bullied and tortured others who weren't deemed worthy in the eyes; you were the one getting bullied. The first few years you wanted to fight back but eventually, there were too many for you to handle. So you just dealt with it. At the parties that the pureblood families had thrown-- which your family was invited to-- your parents had advised you to try to blend in and not draw attention to yourself. For the most part, you did.

Regulus, your best friend tried to get you out of your shell. You tried to convince him that it wasn't you but your parents. You would've love to enjoy yourself at the parties, being dressed up and all that. But with your situation, you couldn't afford to make a fool out of yourself, and drinking firewhiskey in different rooms or sneaking off to where your parents couldn't keep an eye on you, wasn't a good idea. When you and Regulus were older your parents had set an arranged marriage between you two. Uniting rich and powerful families and all that. But You and Regulus were just the best of friends, always together. And just like everything else, that had to change. You now had to find ways to see each other in hidden places. Never to be seen together in front of students or staff in case it would get back to your parents. In Hogwarts you ignored each other, magically passing notes to update each other on your well-being. It was tough but you managed. Regulus was your only friend after all.

~~~

It was just another day at Hogwarts, You were avoiding Bellatrix Lestrange. Your main terrorizer. She had a group of Slytherins trailing her. Ever since you got sorted into Gryffindor every pureblood who was in Slytherin, taunted and teased you to no end. They jinxed you and called you weak. Saying things about how you weren't one of them. You knew that much but you didn't need the constant reminder.

Bellatrix and her group were right behind you as you were walking to the Gryffindor common room. You cursed in your mind, they saw you.

"Going somewhere L/N?" You ignored her. "You know it's rude to not answer your superiors."

"I'm not trying to bother anyone Bellatrix." You sighed but kept walking.

"Your presence alone bothers me." She sent a spell your way to catch your attention.

"Are you crazy?" You turned to face her, Your voice raising a bit. An amused smile played on her lips, she tilted her head to the side.

"You have no idea what crazy looks like Y/N/N." She stalked towards you in a predatory way.

"We grew up together Bellatrix," You slowly backed away from her so as to not set her off. "Name-calling and pranks are one thing but curses..."

You didn't know what you did to cause the special attention that others like first years or Muggle-borns got from Bellatrix. Sure you were never that close, you always got along better with Andromeda than Narcissa and the former, but never would you have thought that you'd be on the receiving end of her fury over blood status. This was outrageous you thought to yourself. How could anyone be this upset over what house people are in?

"Don't worry, after a while, they won't hurt." Your blood started to rush through your veins and a shiver ran down your spine. You stopped walking backward when you bumped into something behind you. A pair of arms held you to keep you steady. You turned around expecting another one of Bellatrix's "friends" only to be met with a tall, shaggy-haired boy.

Sirius Black, your best friend's older brother, who just so happened to be in your house. Relief washed over you. You were no longer outnumbered. Sirius and his group of Marauders were there. Surely they wouldn't just walk away from a fellow Gryffindor in trouble. Of course you never really had an affiliation with them besides the same color robes but they were good people, weren't they?

"We heard something about pranks?" James spoke.

Bellatrix scoffed, "This is none of your business Potter."

"Well Bellatrix considering how Y/N is a member of our house, it does make this our business," Remus replied. She cackled, "How fitting the two blood-traitors in one pitiful little group." She signaled the others to follow her and walked away.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked, not letting go of your shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"C'mon we were just going back to the common room." He let go of your shoulders but tugged on the sleeve of your robe to follow them.

"What did you do to cause the wrath of crazy over there?" James questioned. He led the way to the common room, you kept your distance not really trusting any of them. Their reputation for being the school's signature pranksters didn't ease your mind as you walked with them. You never held a conversation with any of them before today, maybe a few with Remus but he was the only sane one out of all of them, it made sense that you were wary of their presence. Who knows what they had planned.

"Does anyone have to do anything at all to provoke her?" Sirius snorted, you gave him a questioning look and he just shrugged.

"No, I suppose not."

"Well Y/N I guess you could call yourself lucky your knight in shining armors were there to save the day." James' cocky smile written on his face assuming he was right.

"Although I appreciate the help, I could've handled myself." You stepped into the portrait hole, anxious to get back into your dorm room and take a nap.

"Not against all of them, you know sometimes you need to run in a pack L/N, you could get killed without one."

"You make it sound like we're wolves," you stated, each attempt to get back to your room was failed by every comment James made. What was his point?

"Some of us aren't," Sirius commented. You noticed Remus got tense and slightly shook his head.

"Point is Bellatrix and her groupies aren't going to quit bothering you and we want to help." James offered.

"What's the catch?"

"Why does there have to be catch? We want to be your friends." Sirius answered and plopped down on the chair across from the couch where you were sitting. You gave him a dead look. "Just think about it, hm?"

"Whatever." You got up from your seat and went to your dorm to take your well-needed nap.

Later that night you went down to the common room to read by the fire until you fell asleep. You felt like you'd only closed your eyes for 2 seconds when you were rudely awakened by Sirius.

"What?" You hissed. His mischievous grin made you want to slap him.

"You're coming with me." He took the blanket that you had wrapped around you, off.

"No." You said simply, reaching for the blanket again. Just as your eyes were beginning to close again you heard him say, "Yes."

He lifted you in his arms and you dramatically fell limp. "What the hell." You groaned loudly.

"Shh you're going to people up," You glared at him.

"Maybe they should wake up since I'm being kidnapped!" He rolled his eyes. You jumped from his arms so you could stand on your own.

"Where are we going?" You asked, Slowly recovering from being awoken.

"You'll see." That was all he responded as he continued to guide you out of the portrait hole and through the halls. You were anxious, in all the years of Hogwarts you never went out past curfew so you didn't know the chances of being caught and getting in trouble.

"Sirius, Filch may be out here." You warned.

"We'll be fine Y/N/N just trust me."

"I don't trust you that's my problem." You muttered. He turned around and looked at you. His piercing grey eyes shining in the darkness. He pulled out a long cloak from who knows where and wrapped it around the both of you, causing you to be closer together.

"This will keep us hidden so Filch won't catch us." The weight in your chest lifted and now replaced by butterflies. You inhaled sharply at the close proximity.

"You alright?"

You nodded, which gave him the confirmation he needed to continue, "Let's go."

When you made it to your destination you gasped. The astronomy tower, "Wow" you whispered, shedding yourself from the cloak. The night sky hadn't looked as beautiful as it did at that very moment. You've been here for class but you've never seen the stars so bright, you wondered what special cosmic event it must've been for the night sky to look the way it did.

You whipped around remembering who you were here with, you crossed your arms, "Why did you bring me here?"

"I can't take you sight-seeing now?"

"I had this class yesterday, this is hardly what I'd call sight-seeing." You arched a brow upwards. "Besides we're not exactly friends..." He gasped and feigned hurt by putting a hand over his heart.

"After all we've been through?" You rolled your eyes. He continued, "I was hoping we could change that. The boys and I have noticed you've been struggling socially and don't really play well with others, but I've seen the way you interacted with my brother before Hogwarts and you enjoy the company. I had to wonder why is it that you don't have that many friends?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but since I got sorted into Gryffindor my old "friends" and family haven't been that accepting considering the fact that they're all Slytherins, I mean you should know how it is." You sighed and took a seat resting your back against a wall facing the night sky. "The people I used to get along with, well, their parents don't want them to spend time with me. As for not having friends in our house, nobody has tried to get to know me, they just assume I'm like the other Slytherins even though I was placed here for a reason." You scoffed, people truly were ridiculous. "It sucks cause every side thinks I've chosen to be apart of what they go against when in reality I'm not apart of anything."

He stared at you, you then realized that you went on a full-on rant and nervously looked down, picking at your nails. He'd been silent the entire time listening. It was nice, "You could be apart of us."

You were skeptical, "Sirius this isn't funny." You moved to get up.

"It's not a joke Y/N." He chuckled.

"You're not being very convincing right now."

"Why would I lie to you?"

"We've barely spoken to each other in all these years of Hogwarts, even before Hogwarts!" you threw your hands in the hair. "I went over your house for playdates with Reg and never had one conversation. You and your friends have a reputation for pranks, How do I know this isn't one of them?"

"Because I'm not trying to prank you Y/n, in fact, I'm trying to help you. We all are." He put his hands on your shoulders to get you to look at him. "I know how it feels to be all alone in a world like that. To be in an environment where you feel uncomfortable with those people. Knowing all the wrong things they say and not being able to say anything because they'll disown you."

"The difference between you and me is that you got out." You shoved his hands off your shoulders. "Not all of us have a James."

"Y/n-"

"I'll think about it." With that, you left, not caring if you were to get caught.

If you were being honest the reason why you didn't want to be friends with the marauders was that they had 3 years to be friends with you, you knew Sirius from years prior. Why didn't he come to you sooner? Knowing you had been friends with his little brother. He just sat there and watched while you spent the first 3 and a half years of what should've been the most fun years of your life at Hogwarts, lonely and sad. If his defense was that he could sympathize with your situation and that he wanted to help; why didn't he approach you sooner? Also, you might've been a little bitter about him having a place to go to while you still had to stay with your parents.

~~~

You did think about after that Night with Sirius, you decided you give them a chance. You wouldn't be cornered alone anymore or hopefully cornered at all. You would have a group now. You also thought it was great that you had someone you could relate to in the group and someone that you somewhat knew. You never thought that you'd be actual friends with your childhood crush, even if that was your best friend's older brother and you'd spend more time in his house than your own most days; but here you were.

Being a part of the Marauders was fun, you were practically family now. They let you in on their little secret; with Remus' permission of course. They informed you of his full moon situation. They offered to help you become an animagus, which you denied, you didn't want to deal with all of that. You helped James with Lily, it wasn't easy but it worked somehow. You would help them with their pranks. They pulled pranks on the people who used to bully you all the time which you appreciated greatly. It was nice knowing they had your back and they knew you had theirs.

Nobody messed with you now and you gained a few more friends now. Lily, Alice, Dorcas, and Mary. It was all great. Except for your growing crush on a certain Marauder. With every moment you spent with him your heart swelled, it wasn't a great idea to get involved with him in that way. You were his brothers best friend, he'd seen you grow up, and took you under his wing when you were in need (you always thought even if he truly wanted to be your friend, it was a sort of favor for Regulus since he couldn't be there) there was no way he would be interested in you. But you had always hoped.

You remembered one Christmas that your parents had forced you to go to a party that the Malfoys would throw annually. It was terrible. You didn't have your friends there with you and Regulus couldn't talk to you with his parents watching. The blacks were suspicious of you spending more time with their son, who they disowned and like every other parent at that party, they didn't want Regulus to associate with you. So you were alone again. The only perk of this entire thing was you didn't have to completely show your face since it was a masquerade ball theme.

Evan Rosier came up to you, your eyes narrowed and you tilted your head in question. "Shame you spend your time with those blood traitors Y/N, I would have asked you out."

"I think I lucked out on that one Rosier." You took a sip from your drink shifting your gaze to somewhere else.

"You filthy little-"

"Careful what your next words are, my friend, I don't think Mummy and Daddy would appreciate it much." A voice that came from behind you said.

"You are not even supposed to be here, Black."

"Sirius!" You threw your arms around his neck, he wrapped his around your waist. You heard Evan scoff and leave.

"Y/N darling, have I told you that you attract way too much trouble."

"No, but I'm starting to think you're right." You pulled away from him, realizing that you were in the eyesight of your parents. "What are you doing here? Your parents will kill you if they see you here."

"I couldn't let you come here alone, with all these people." He looked around with distaste.

"Alright well, we have to find a more private place so you won't get caught." You grabbed his hand in yours and led the way to the maze garden.

"Y/N if you wanted to get into my pants, all you had to do was ask." He wiggled his eyebrows, You shoved him away. "Gross."

"Okay so I didn't tell you this but James and I are breaking you out of here."

"How the hell are you planning on doing that?"

"Easy, a distraction." You were about to ask what the distraction was when you saw a stag through the windows. Screams of the people were coming from the inside. You put a hand over your mouth to cover your smile. You did not expect that at all. Sirius retook your hand and pulled you deeper into the maze when the guests were filing out.

You stopped when you were finally in the middle, there was an enchanted fountain spewing water. you had a rush of energy and laughed. Sirius was looking down at you.

"Where'd James go?"

"He should be coming soon." He replied. It was quiet for a while before Sirius scooped up water from the fountain and threw it at you. You gasped, "You asshole!"

You dipped your hand in the water and flicked it at him. This started a war between the two of you. You ducked behind the fountain and threw water at him whenever you got the chance and he did the same. It wasn't until you heard footsteps coming that you stopped.

"Y/N?" You remembered that voice, you whipped around quickly and almost fell into the water if it wasn't for Sirius who had put a hand on your back to catch you.

"Reg?" He ran to you and wrapped his arms around you, picking you up and twirling you around. Once he put you down he pulled you away at arm's length to observe you.

"You're wet." He stated, confused.

"Water fight." you smile into the response. He laughed and threw his head back.

"Only you." Sirius coughed, you almost forgot he was there.

"Hello, brother." Regulus nodded to him. "It's been a while, I've missed you."

"Have you?" You gave Sirius a look, now was not the time. This was the first time you've seen Regulus in months, years even. You didn't need them to argue.

"We should talk." He suggested, You agreed and strolled along the maze with Regulus, noticing that the guests have all returned inside.  

"So you escaped your parents." You started talking.

"So I did." he glanced at you. "But only for a bit, they'll start to wonder where I've gone. I just needed to see you."

"Yeah me too."

"I just wanted to let you know that I can't write to you anymore." Your brows furrowed in confusion. "Why not?"

"It's not safe."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Just know things are about to get serious and dangerous and I have to do things that I know you won't agree with to keep you safe."

"Reg, I-I don't know what you're saying."

"Soon enough you will." He stopped walking. "I needed you to know before I cut ties with you, that I love you. You're my best friend and I never want you to get hurt." You felt the tears forming.

"I love you too." He caresses your cheek and kisses them both before saying his final Goodbye. You were left standing there trying to decipher his words.

Eventually, you found yourself back where you and Sirius were playing with water. He was sitting on the edge of the fountain. He stood up when he saw you and your tearstained cheeks. He wrapped you in a hug.

"I'm glad you came." You whispered, hugging him back. He kissed the top of your head and told you that it was time to go. You went to James' house, you spent Christmas and summers there from then on. You never returned home. You slept in the guest bedroom and Sirius stayed with James in his room. Your parents sent you a letter telling you that you were no longer welcome at their house since you chose to associate yourself with bad company that was ruining their reputation. You didn't care much about it, knowing you had a better family now.

It wasn't until you graduated from Hogwarts that you figured out what Regulus was talking about. The war was getting more serious, Lily and James had to go into hiding, you and Sirius had joined the order, you became partners on missions, your bond growing more and more every day.

~~~

"There's too many of them Y/N we need to go back to headquarters!" Sirius yelled over the sounds of fighting. This was supposed to be a quick mission to find out where Voldemort was going to attack next. Hopefully saving a family and your best friends. But as always nothing went according to plan, you didn't drink enough poly juice potion that let you take the face of a death eater that you and Sirius had captured. You didn't bring the flask with you so in the middle of asking questions you transformed back into your true form, which then brought on the fighting.

"No! You go and get the others," A curse was sent your way, you blocked it. "I can fight them off in the meantime!"

"There's no way I'm leaving you with all of these death eaters!"

"Well I'm not going, we just need to catch one and get the information we need!" You continued to duel with Evan Rosier who was easily blocking all of your offensive spells. 'Shit' was all you thought. Six against two were not great odds and you were getting tired. Sirius made a point of retreating. If you were to leave now, you lost the element of surprise and they would be expecting you next time. That or they would retaliate. Great just great, all because you forgot to bring extra poly juice potion.

"Now is not the time to play hero, we can try another day." He took your hand and apparated you to a random alley in another part of London, but not before you were struck with a stinging spell.

"Fuck-" Tears stung in your eyes, Sirius was rushing towards you screaming your name.

The next thing you know you were waking up in a bright room. You assumed you were at St. Mungos. Memories of the moments before you were brought her played in your head. You slowly opened your eyes you turned your head to the sound of snoring. Sirius was sitting in a chair beside your bed. Despite feeling like shit you decided to throw a pillow at his head to wake him up. He sat up quickly, eyes wide staring at you.

"What the fuck?"

"Even when you're asleep you are annoying."

"I'm sorry I was up all night taking care of your dumb-ass."

"Apology accepted." You broke into a smile when you saw his face. He was so...serious. You could never let go of that joke.

"I'm not joking around, you were bad like so bad I thought I lost you."

"Siri-" You sat up in your bed.

"No Y/N I don't think you understand how serious this situation was. You had seizures and might've slipped into a coma. You've been in and out for days now." Your smile faded. "I-I thought I was going to lose you and I can't, not you." He shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

"Sirius, we all get injured, it happens. It's apart of the job."

"Yes but you're different."

"How? How is it any different than if this were to happen to Remus or James or any of the others?"

"Because I love you!" You tried to process his words. He searched your eyes for any response but you were in shock. He spoke softly, "It's different from the others because I am in love with you. I have been for a while.

"You don't have to say it back, you probably don't-" You grabbed him by the collar of his leather jacket and kissed him.

"You're an idiot." You kiss him once more and looked him in the eyes and said "I'm in love with you too."

Tags: @divergirl99

[jimblejamblewritings]

what we were, what we are | part 3.

Summary: The worst thing that ever happened to Y/N Lupin was getting sent to Azkaban for a crime she didn’t commit. The second worst thing was when she got out on parole and not because her name was cleared. Trying to get her life back proves difficult when everyone has moved on into the present while she only has memories of the past.

Warnings for the Series: angst, smut

Pairing: james potter x black!reader, james potter x lupin!reader, sirius black x black!reader, sirius black x lupin!reader

Word Count: 4.3k

Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)

You went to breakfast in the Great Hall when school was back in session after winter break. It was with hesitance. No Auror had escorted you from Malfoy Manor to Hogwarts, letting you use the Floo Network all on your own. You wanted to think that it might have been a good thing. The sting operation had been a failure but that was on your end. You thought they were getting Voldemort over Christmas. They informed you that they were getting him when they felt the time was right now that you gave them an idea of what his daily routine looked like and his favorite disguises.

However, nothing had been said about your trial. No updates, not even an offhand comment. Sirius started to raise his hand and wave to you but thought better of it after seeing the wrinkle between your brows as you scowled at your own shoes.

“Moons, you’re not going to do anything about your sister?”

Remus looked up from his reading for one moment to see you pacing the entirety of their dorm room. You looked up from scowling at your shoes to give him a small smile. Even though you weren’t twins the two of you definitely had weird twin telepathy. You went back to scowling and Remus went back to reading.

“She’s fine, Pete. That’s (Y/N)’s thinking face.”

“Thinking? She looks like she’s going to kill someone.”

You stopped pacing for a moment. “Remmy, how bad do you think it would be?”

“I don’t know. That’s the problem. What if it triggers the lycanthropy, what if you turn out like me?”

That made the other boys sit up. While they hadn’t known you and Remus for very long, it was almost the end of second year when they had figured out Remus’ big secret. And when James had blabbed about knowing the truth, you and your brother didn’t hide it. So why hide yours and for so long? Sirius’ eyes squinted as he voiced what the other boys were thinking, albeit in his crude way.

“But (Y/N) only has one time of month.”

James and Peter struggled to keep their leaves under their tongue as they laughed. You stopped pacing long enough to chuck a pillow at Sirius’ face. Three of the Marauders listened intently as you explained that you and Remus shared a room when you were younger. Fenrir didn’t just go after Remus, he went after you as well. But your screaming when Remus was bit had alarmed your parents that when they raced to your room, the only thing Fenrir could do was scratch at you.

The Marauders had alway assumed the scars on your left hand were from Remus. You turned your back on them and lifted your hair. A very large scar near the base of your skull could be seen. You had tried to stop Fenrir from continuing his scratches at your head.

With a frustrated sigh, you plopped down on Sirius’ bed. The raven hair boy scooted on his knees towards you. He turned your head and squished your cheeks together until you opened your mouth. With great care, he stuck one of the extra leaves they had under your tongue.

“I’ve read everything out there since we knew about your little furry problem, Moons—”

“You read?”

You almost choked on your leaf at your brother’s comment. Sirius rolled his eyes and continued like nothing was said.

“Nothing about scratches turning into full blown lycanthropy, you’ll be fine (Y/N). Maybe a little more wolfy but fine. So stop worrying so hard.” Sirius nodded in content as his thumbs smoothed out the wrinkle between your eyebrows.

You sat at your spot at the staff table and focused solely on your food. Sirius, James, and Remus were watching you with intensity. You ate even less than normal, chewing the same bite of food over and over again without noticing that you were doing so. Because Voldemort knew about him, Remus had no worries about sending you letters of the break. Almost all of them were apologies. But he honestly became worried when you hadn’t responded to a single one.

There was nothing that raised any alarms. He couldn’t see any bruising, no red marks, nothing that would indicate Tom had hurt you. You left your seat to move in front of where Remus was. He just stared at you for a moment, realizing that he could no longer read you by just your face. You held out two pieces of paper.

“The Quidditch World Cup is this summer, do you want to go with me?” You looked at the other two men. “I’m sorry but Tom doesn’t kno— he’d be suspicious if I asked.”

The other two men shook it off, knowing that you really didn’t have a choice. The corners of Remus’ mouth pulled up a little at the fact that you even invited him anywhere. At the same time, he was a bit ashamed of himself. Why did it feel like you were reaching out to him instead of the other way? It should have been the other way around. He was the one who should be trying to get back in your good graces. Remus just nodded as he took one of the tickets. You looked at him with confusion when he replaced the ticket with some buttered toast in your hand.

“You’ve barely eaten this morning.”

He watched your eyes wander back over to your own plate as if you hadn’t noticed that what he said was true. You took a bite. The furrow in your eyebrow that Sirius had noticed came back. Remus still couldn’t tell what the problem was. With some reluctance, you looked over at James.

“You don’t still have any of my stuff, do you?” you whispered. “From Godric’s Hollow?”

James tensed up. You guys had just moved out of a flat and into that house that all your stuff was barely out of moving boxes when you got taken to Azkaban. It had been so easy to just make it all disappear with the swish of his wand. It had been so easy to sell the house despite the fact that you guys went halves on buying it because you insisted on wanting to feel like you contributed even though he was more than happy to provide for you. He didn’t even move far away from the place. The neighborhood was amazing so of course he settled with his family there.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, voice cracking as the new familiar sadness washed over your face. “I’ll pay for whatever you need. Alright, sweetheart?”

You and James both cringed at the pet name. It had slipped out of his mouth on instinct. He had to do everything in his power to stop from reaching out to you when you started to shake your head at the pet name. It was a mistake on his part but it hurt you so much.  

“You don’t have to,” you said. “You really don—”

“Ms. Lupin.”

You turned around at the sound of the voice. The Marauders watched with steely expressions at the Aurors coming your way. The entire Great Hall had fallen silent. The tremors that Remus had unfortunately become accustomed to see on you turned into full blown shaking. It was stupid of him but Remus reached for his wand just in case.

“Ms. Lupin, your presence is being requested at the Ministry.”

You followed them, not like you really had a choice. As you left, Filch and another Auror entered the Great Hall. Everyone watched in confused silence as a projector was set up and their tables were moved to the sides of the room. The food was left for students to eat but after a few whispers between Dumbledore and the Auror, it was suddenly announced that all classes were canceled. The entirety of the Order sat at the spare tables set up. James looked at his wife in confusion when Lily stepped in. She slipped in between the three Marauders before saying anything.

“Trial. That was all they said before sending everyone not directly involved home to watch. It’s playing in all the pubs so not everyone would storm Hogwarts to watch.”

Voldemort on a projector screen was the last thing anyone, even Lily who had been at the Ministry all day, expected to see. It was fairly quick. The Ministry didn’t really want to do it but after the letters from Remus about demanding a proper trial for you, the last thing they wanted was a reason for Voldemort to be let out of Azkaban.

Students and staff alike watched with actual interest at Voldemort’s trial and then all the Death Eaters. The Marauders couldn’t help but sneer when Peter was called up. Others were surprised but not quick to assume Peter was suddenly on Voldemort’s side. His lie about staying a rat out of fear of Death Eaters coming after him again was believable enough.

You could be seen in a tiny corner of the screen. The only thought going through all three men’s heads was to hug you tight and not let go, all while telling you it was okay. But instead, they could only watch your Ministry-assigned lawyer give you a pat on the shoulder. Sirius frowned.

He would’ve hired the best lawyer in the wizarding world if you had said something. You didn’t have money, sure, but he had the entire Black fortune. He stopped focusing on you and onto the very loud, open argument between some Ministry members.

“Suppose he is one of You-Know-Who’s supporters, it is very likely that using Veritaserum wouldn’t give us an accurate portrayal if he is a skilled wizard,” Amelia Bones said. “Or another supporter could aid in the altering of memories.”

“Then what are we going to do?” Barty Crouch Sr. asked. “In regards to Ms. Lupin, we need—”

Your lawyer stood up.

“In regards to my client, the best witness would be her. She’s been in Azkaban all these years without a way to perform magic. Even if she was working for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, she was caught off guard the night she was arrested that there was no chance to begin working on memory alteration.”

Amelia looked at where you were seated. She sighed heavily at noticing your eyes flit to every Auror in the room with lots of nervousness. It didn’t take much for her to be swayed to your favor. Seeing Peter Pettigrew alive was enough for her.

“Is it safe? Is it safe to force Ms. Lupin to relive memories if she has been innocent this entire time?”

“There isn’t much of a choice,” your lawyer said. “Or this will be a long trial of he said she said.”

It was put to a vote and after considering the circumstances all members were in favor of using your memories to show the truth. You gently raised your hand after sitting in the chair in the center of the room. Amelia gently encouraged you to speak up.

“There are holes in some memories… the dementors,” you admitted.

“W-w-we are aware of that, Ms. Lupin, we’ll just do the best we can.”

As they set up a pensieve that would allow everyone watching on the screens set up around the wizarding world to watch your memories, your lawyer whispered to you that it was good you had holes in your memory. It would make you seem more believable. You frowned as you took a potion to open up and unlock all your memories. You were believable.

“(Y/N)? We don’t think they’ll find it suspicious?” Dorcas asked at the Order meeting. “That’s like sending in Lily.”

“I can do it,” you piped up. No one in the Order ever liked to give you a chance on anything.

Everyone seemed unsure but ultimately agreed. Without hesitation, you met with Fenrir Greyback. He smiled in a sickly sweet fashion as you both sat across from each other in a muggle diner.

“How’s the full moon treating you and your brother?”

You sipped your coffee. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’ve heard through the bushes that Tom Riddle— don’t tell me you flinch at his name too— anyway, Tom is promising refuge of sorts to werewolves. Is that true?”

Fenrir leaned back. “Free reign on muggles, mudbloods, and half-bloods, more than just a little taste.”

“And he means it?”

“The Dark Lord has given his word about it.”

“And you believe him?”

“As long as we don’t touch his precious purebloods. Exceptions can be made for blood traitors, I have every reason to believe him.”

“Then I want in.”

Fenrir’s brow raised. You knew it would take a little bit to be convincing but you had planned it out. Remus was having a hard time getting any good jobs. He was discriminated against left and right. You lied that the scratch caused people to think you would turn at any moment. A single conversation about how Fenrir ruined your life, not only boosted his ego but gave him confidence to bring you into Death Eater ranks. He told you when the next meeting was and that he would put in a good word for you.

The Hogwarts’ staff watched as you gripped your wand when watching Fenrir’s eyes lock on one of the muggle waitresses who was getting off the midnight shift.

Your eyes closed tightly and you tried not to cry as you let him slip out of the booth and go after her, knowing that you would immediately blow your cover if you did so. You waited only five minutes, not able to bear waiting any longer, before running into the back alley that she was in. She looked awful to put it mildly. You pulled the woman into your lap and held her face in your hands.

“Shhh, shhh, it’s alright. Just drink this.”

“What was that?” she asked with a shaky voice as she gulped down the large amount of wolfsbane potion that you put to her mouth. You didn’t even know if it would work but you hoped that pouring enough wolfsbane to kill a werewolf down her throat right after being freshly bit would be enough to keep her human.

“A nightmare, it was an absolute nightmare.”

She nodded as you healed her wounds, not even caring about using magic in front of a muggle. The woman seemed alright. Not perfect but alright. You kept track of her until the next full moon, relieved at seeing nothing happen.

~~

“Are you sure?” Severus asked you. “These will be difficult to get rid of.”

You turned to look at Severus who was kind enough to invite to his home even though you two had not been friends at Hogwarts. Being the only double spys, it became easy for you two to bond. You nodded severely.

“Everyone else has it but us. They will notice if we don’t.”

You kept scratching at where the Dark Mark was now on your forearm. James came around your kitchen island. He was cooking while you were just sitting on the counter and watching him. He kissed the scars on your hand before kissing the ugly tattoo.

“Stop scratching at it, sweetheart. You’re only going to give yourself a bruise.”

“It’s fucking awful, James. Severus doesn’t even know if we’ll be able to remove them after the war.”

“You can always get it covered.” He slotted himself between the open space of your legs. “You’ll definitely get a chapter in the history books. Badass Order spy gets a Dark Mark to fully convince Voldemort that she’s on their side.”

You huffed. “And then a century later when I’m dead they’ll just call me a whore.”

“Hmm?”

You sighed. “Tom—”

“Since when did you call him by his real name?”

“I’m trying to tell you.”

“Sorry.”

“Tom… wants me to be his, asked me to… I agreed.” You started playing with your ring when James said nothing. “I get it if you want to call the wedding off at least for now, or forever, but he’s already told me things no one else knows and I think the Order can really use this.”

James’ hands covering yours cut off your rambling. “One, you’re still a spy not a whore no matter how you’re getting the information. Two, I’m not calling off anything. Sweetheart, we get married in a week and we move into our new house in two weeks. This whole flat is nothing but boxes. I’m not unpacking again unless it’s our new home. What you have to do has nothing to do with my feelings for you.”

James stiffened up as he saw a younger him tell you that he would love you forever. He broke that promise with little regard past himself.

“You need to clean up, Remmy.”

“And you need to stop nagging,” Remus retorted but picked up all the laundry scattered around his flat anyway.

He suddenly coughed when you knocked the breath out of him trying to give him a hug. It had been so long since you saw your brother properly. You were around Voldemort almost all the time and could really only send letters. Remus hugged you back.

“He has horcruxes. Five of them.”

Your brother froze. “What? How do you know, ho—”

“Is my information ever wrong?”

Remus shook his head because you were right. Every piece of information you got to the Order was correct and he didn’t know how you got Voldemort to tell you.

“He’s going to make it six. He wants to turn his snake into one but… he’s waiting for the prophecy to come true. He wants to use that death to make his sixth one, like a victory or something.”

“What prophecy?”

“I don’t know yet, Lucius interrupted us.”

Order members started to squirm in their seats as they watched every interaction between you and Voldemort. Every memory tended to end the same way, you crying to James with a locked bathroom door between you guys until you felt like Voldemort was gone from your body. The worst was you crying about the ring because he proposed. Actually the worst was when you scooted away from James in your shared bed because you felt bad that he was effectively sharing you with Voldemort.

Everyone returned from the trial break with lots of questions about the truth. Lunch came around and even though no one was obligated to return to the Great Hall to continue watching the trial, they all did. Everyone sat up straighter when the next memory showed Peter.  

When the Order meeting had ended, you pulled Peter to the side. “We have a problem, Pete.”

“What is it?”

“There’s a spy here.”

Peter stuttered out a what.

“Tom was telling me something that he shouldn’t have known about. Something he was surprised that I didn’t know about. It’s not Severus, I know it’s not but it’s someone here.”

“Should we say something?”

“No,” you said. “No, we can only trust Remmy, Pads, and James. What you need to do is switch with me.”

“Switch?”

“Hiding Frank and Alice, becoming the Secret Keeper. They’re the only ones in the Order that are married and childless, Tom’s convinced the baby to kill him is going to be theirs.”

“Alice isn’t even pregnant.”

“He knows. He wants to make sure that never becomes an issue.”

“I’m supposed to meet Alice today to know where they’ve moved but you need to do it.”

“Me?”

“They’ll easily torture it out of the other boys. Remmy’s too obvious, James and Sirius might tell the spy on accident since they go on the most missions. They won’t think of you. You’re close to us, not Frank or Alice.”

“Why can’t you keep doing it?”

“I think Tom doesn’t fully trust me yet. I swear I taste something in my pumpkin juices whenever we all eat dinner but I don’t know if it’s Veritaserum or not. I don’t want to risk the Longbottoms’ life, I do—”

Everyone watched the memory go fuzzy before turning into smoke just like a bunch of your earlier memories. It was another memory partially eaten up by dementors. Lots of memories tended to do that. It wasn’t lost on James, Lily, or even the oblivious Harry, how your memories with James were fully intact. Sometimes they got blurry but it was like you fought with the dementors to keep the memory whole. Sirius and Remus noticed as well, wondering if anyone outside of their friends also picked up on it.

Remus’ jaw clenched so tightly that he thought he might break his own teeth when the memory of you being arrested at the scene of the crime showed up. You had been calling out to him.

A few times you called your parents’ names but you had mainly been calling for him. Him and James, only for neither of them to ever show up. The entirety of Hogwarts looked on in horror at seeing the inside of Azkaban for the first time.

You broke off a bit of the charcoal tray that your food came on and hid it in the corner of your room. A shaky hand made the first tally mark followed by ten more. It had been eleven days. Eleven breakfasts, you only got a shitty breakfast for the entire day, and that was how you knew. You were whispering to yourself that someone would come to get you. Someone had to. You shifted into your Animagus form, a fox to match your old Patronus before it had changed to a stag, and curled up to sleep.  

Christmas came around and there was still no one there. You couldn’t even save yourself. The bars on your cell were spaced out just enough to fit your fox form through but there was nowhere to go. You had no wand, Azkaban was in the middle of dangerous ocean water and high up on a cliff, and it was impossible to turn back into wizard form to apparate because the dementors were all around to see it.

The only thing your fox form was useful for was providing a little bit more warmth when you slept. Your eyes went wide when Christmas breakfast of mush came with a roll of brown bread. Water was accompanied with another cup that held butterbeer. Like a feral animal, you scrambled to grab the bread and butterbeer in case it had been a mistake and they didn’t mean to serve it.

The Order watched in horror as you drank the butterbeer so fast that they thought you would choke. You cried as you ripped off chunks of the bread and ate it, chewing the same piece until it was void of all flavor and you were forced to swallow it. Most Order members couldn’t look anymore when you turned to the charcoal drawing of your friends on the wall of your cell and wished them a happy Christmas.

Every Christmas in Azkaban was like that. An extra bit of bread and butterbeer. Of course, it was a trade for an extra sweet memory of yours but you didn’t care. You would do anything for the extra food once a year.

Students felt like they should turn away at seeing your lowest moments. McGonagall wiped at the tears that had fallen at seeing all your Azkaban memories. They were all the same yet different, just like how your days in prison blended.

Seven years of memories of you tallying walls, crying, screaming you were innocent, walking around the cell and talking to imaginary people— imaginary Remus and James the most— followed by more crying when a sudden consciousness that they weren’t actually there seemed to hit you. Seven years of memories of you being fed on by dementors, poking at your Dark Mark and saying you hated it, saying you would actually kill Peter when you got out, begging your brother and husband to at least visit you if no one else would.

But the scariest had been the final four years. In one of the memories, they watched you tell the imaginary Order and the imaginary Marauders that you knew what they thought of you. You knew they hated you. You knew that it didn’t matter anymore.

After that, you only spoke to ask for your daily bathroom break and weekly shower. You only cried when you begged the dementors to not feed on you that day. You simply marked tallies after each delivery of breakfast and then sat in the corner of your room until your limbs were stiff and you would pace once to stretch them out before sitting back in the corner. A shell of a person was what you had become.

The Marauders walked out of the Great Hall before your verdict, once all the memories had been seen. If you were seen as anything but innocent then they didn’t know what they were going to do. You spent twelve years there. And you broke at the end of year seven. They hated themselves. As your brother, friend, ex-husband. They simply hated themselves. A large bottle of firewhiskey was passed between the three of them as they waited in your classroom.

You opened your classroom with shaky hands. Remus was up first. Hugging you to his chest so tightly that you felt like it was a bit hard to breathe. It wasn’t just your brother who couldn’t read your face anymore. You couldn’t read his.

“From now, I’ll always believe you, (Y/N). I promise you that. Always your word first, no one else.”

Sirius and James stayed where they were, sitting on your desk. They waited for you to approach first. You noticed the empty bottle of firewhiskey and they noticed the dried tear stains on your face. They both opened their mouths to apologize again when you spoke up.

“Isn’t it a Moony Night? You guys have to leave soon,” you whispered.

Both men looked at each other. James gave in first.

“Um, you should stay with her Pads. I’ll go with Moony.”

(Part 4)

[siriusmydeer]

breakup with your girlfriend, i’m bored.

james potter x fem!reader, platonic!remus lupin x reader, james potter x lily evans

summary: james’ journey onto finding love; just not with you.

word count: 1.9k

warnings: unrequited love, angst, swearing, crying, mentions of food, self doubt/insecurity, pining, mentions of murder, mentions of marriage and kids

— 0:00

‘You got me some type of way

Ain't used to feelin' this way

I do not know what to say

“so, mates, i think m’finally getting somewhere with lils!” the tone of excitement thickly lacing the bespectacled boys words. “m’sure of it.” he continued, a bit of confusion in his words but still the same amount of excitement as before.

his brows were furrowed and he picked at the skin of his fingernails trying to relieve himself, further wringing his hands a few times before looking at his friends for their input.

“m’so— m’so happy for you, prongs. really, that’s great.” your voice faltering as you continued to speak, trying to scoundrel up a tone of excitement that would’ve played off well enough. instead all you were feeling stone cold truth of dejection.

But I know I shouldn't think about it

Took one fuckin' look at your face

Now I wanna know how you taste

Usually don't give it away

But you know I'm out here thinkin' 'bout it’

a fake smile plastered your face, trying to push back the tears that wanted to desperately prick at your eyes. you tried to further block them from escaping your waterline as you hear the boy jabber close to every single day about the red head he had been continuously fawning over.

the day went subsequently normal; potions, transfiguration, break period, plan pranks and dinner. but unfortunately for you, you didn’t have the privilege to share a messy dormitory with the four other boys leaving their conversations and discussions open about you and more your feelings.

“d’you think y/n was a bit off today?” peter asked abruptly from the place he sat on the oak wood floor, catching the attention of the three other boys who were seated on their separate twin beds. furthering to retain all memories of you from that day attempting to identify where you might’ve seemed ‘off.’

‘Then I realize she's right there

And I'm at home like, "Damn, this ain't fair"

Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

“maybe a lunch a bit, she looked a little melancholy, i guess.” sirius answered this time, recalling the memory of you speaking in a very disconsolate tone. “y’think it’s anything major, or just stress?” he questioned again, beginning to worry about his close friend.

“dunno, i don’t think so.” the lycanthrope added to the conversation. he recalled james’ new confession about the red headed girl, and your extremely unhappy expressions following; of course noticing a bit at the time when it was occurring but just assuming you had a bad day with evan rosier pestering you for a date.

maybe... maybe she— but they’re best friends? his thoughts were extremely close to scrambled, remus was an observer, he was clever and sharp-witted; but this, he couldn’t figure out.

You could hit it in the mornin'

Yeah, yeah, like it's yours

I know it ain't right

“oi, y/n!” a deep voice called in the distance, putting your light jog to a stop in the middle of the courtyard leaving you to stand in the grass. swiftly turning around you were met with the taller fawn-haired boy, who looked tremendously determined.

“i’ve, uh, ‘ve got to ask you something, and it may seem foolish, but i think i just still ask you.” his voice hurried like his panting breaths from running across the school to find you, asking around the library and your dorm mates.

“yeah, moons, sure, anything.” affirming the boy who looked a bit confused, and worried but you didn’t know if it was for his sake or yours.

he grabbed your wrist in his palm pulling you on the prickly grass over to someone more private like to speak with you. “d’you— d’you like prongs? more than friendly...” the boy sputtered, further acknowledging your blown eyes like someone had just committed murder in-front of you.

But I don't care

Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored’

“i— uhm, well, that’s a bit— why d’you think— remus, what the fuck!” your words taking a halt every few seconds with a recurrent sputter trying to figure out where the question had even came from, or how he even knew.

“i saw— i saw the way you acted at lunch the other day. i jus’ wanted to know if it’s true.” he asserted, no present lingering touches of judgement in his tone.

remus knew what it was like to be judged, so whenever you had the urge to jabber out all of your problems he was the boy you had always ran too first. knowingly, or not. but he felt particularly disappointed in himself that you hadn’t trusted him with this potential secret.

‘This shit always happen to me (Yeah)

Why can't we just play for keeps?

Practically on my knees

“yeah— i do.” you admitted with a breath, guilt taking a pang at your heart. and anger taking a swig at your brain; how could you be so fucking stupid.

“remus, but you can’t— you can’t tell him, or anything.” your tone was hushed, and only meant for remus’ ears. feeling a tinge of embarrassment warm onto your cheeks, knowing someone you loved clearly didn’t reciprocate those feelings.

“i swear, i won’t. but m’here for you, i don’t want you feeling like you can’t tell me anything.” his words soft, and his tone genuine. why couldn’t you have fallen for someone like him? but instead, you crush on someone who was in love with someone else.

But I know I shouldn't think about it

You know what you're doin' to me

You're singin' my songs in the streets, yeah, yeah

Actin' all innocent, please

“c’mon, y/n.” he beckoned you to follow him, resting his arm on the curvature of your shoulder feeling his side press against your smaller one and guiding you to transfiguration with him.

why? why did you have to be so damn foolish? because it was her, with her beautiful red locks, her perfect maroon lipstick, her exceedingly amazing grades, her ability to be silly for a moment and loosen up. why couldn’t you be her? why couldn’t you have what she has.

it’s because it’s simple; you weren’t lily evans and you were never going to be.

When I know you out here thinkin' 'bout it

Then you realize she's right there

And you're at home like, "Damn, she can't compare"’

“guys! guys! she said yes!” james announced whilst scuttling across the mahogany floor of the common room. his actions at a halt flopping his body over the scarlet-red couch and a grin on his lips.

“who said what?” sirius muttered, glancing up from the map for a moment before looking back down in ascertainment.

“lily-pad! i asked her on a date and she was like, ‘yeah, fine, potter. but if you’re late i’ll kill you.’ just like that!” he pretended to play out the conversation for a moment, his thrilled movements and inflection almost animated from how happy he felt.

‘Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

You could hit it in the mornin'

Yeah, yeah, like it's yours

I know it ain't right’

remus briefly glanced at you, concern swirling in his hazel irises, meanwhile, your eyes widened for a moment. you plastered yet another fake grin onto your lips, about to congratulate your crush on winning a date with his all time infatuation.

“prongs! oh my merlin, that’s amazing, i’m so happy for you!” putting on the best impression of exhilaration for your best friend, the act only remus could piece together and break apart.

“no way! prongs, mate, i knew you could do it!” sirius spoke, his tone fein for his best friend who had been in a pinning coma for the last few years.

‘But I don't care

Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend’

the boys continued to congratulate the boy, remus only giving him a nod and a smile. the marauders paying no mind to it and instead james merrily talking about the red head; his red head.

you weren’t his, and you never would be.

yet another realization struck you, the urge and need to move on present in your nervous system almost begging you to find someone else and to hide away from all the pain that could swallow you whole.

‘With your girlfriend

With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend

You could say I'm hatin' if you want to

But I only hate on her 'cause I want you’

you were now sat on the smooth ivory bedding that perfectly hugged your bed, remus’ body right beside yours. except you weren’t comfortable, you wanted to cry a valley of tears that could’ve lasted a life time.

“why is it her? why couldn’t he want me, am i not enough?” you spoke through broken sobs, feeling remus’ agile hands rub up and down the column of your back.

“you’re enough, y/n/n. he’s a bloody git for not seeing that.” remus spoke, sponging a kiss on your hairline. he felt the wet tears graze his shoulder, slightly contracting at the cold feeling but paying no mind to them as he comforted you.

‘Say I'm trippin' if you feel like

But you without me ain't right

You could call me crazy 'cause I want you

And I never even ever fuckin' met you

Say I'm trippin' and it ain't right

But you without me ain't nice’

“m’the bloody git! i fell in love with m’best friend who’s in love with someone else! next thing you know i’m accidentally setting dumbledores beard on fire, and accidentally spawning voldemort for christ’s sake!” your words mumbled and obstruct from the tears that had over come you.

you whipped your face free from tears for a moment, basically scrubbing the black colour of your mascara down your cheeks. “you’re not alone, you know? m’right here.” his tone, yet again, sincere.

you felt undeserving of his coddling, that your messy puppy love was so little compared to his issues. “i can tell your belittling your problems right now, you’re aloud to be upset.” he whispered, trying to assure you all he could, whilst disrupting you from your senile thoughts.

‘Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

You could hit it in the mornin'

Yeah, yeah, like it's yours

I know it ain't right

But I don't care’

“merlin, she’s fantastic.” the brunette finished his third speech of the day on how ‘amazing’ lily is. yeah as if him pining after her wasnt enough, then what the hell was this?

the devil poking at you for cheating on your herbology test in first year, the time you accidentally tripped peter when rushing to potions, maybe it was the time you put belching power in sirius’ drink everyday for a week because he said you had a flat arse?

what the hell did you do to deserve this incessant torture that had been inflicted upon you. we’re you being dramatic? probably. but the boy you were quite literally in love with could not stop talking about how he wanted to ask another female to be with him, companionship, life, marriage, children. he wanted everything with her.

‘Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, baby, girlfriend

With your girlfriend’

but then again it was also extremely simple.

he just simply didn’t want you.

he wanted lily fucking evans.

‘With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend

With your girlfriend’

taglist: @fathermarty @kittykylax @terr0rizer @aspiringsloth20 @maddoxsmythologicalmind @amourtentiaa @dear-luna @famdomhideout @hufflepogue

if your username is crossed out that means you gave me the wrong username or your settings for public display tags are off!

[unnecessarywriting]

To Be a Chocolatier - Remus Lupin

Young!Remus Lupin x Reader

A/N: This is something I was working on. I hope you all like it. Remember, requests are still open!!! Thank you for all of the support <3

To Be a Chocolatier

Breakups are fun. Typically they consist of muggle films, ice cream, chocolate, firewhiskey, sad songs, and occasionally some parties. These were all true for you, except, you weren’t as sad as you were letting on. True, you had just been dumped by a decent Ravenclaw, and you had been dating long enough for the “L-word” to spill out of your lips, but that doesn’t mean you were sad. He wasn’t the one. You knew that from the beginning, but he was fun and was comforting to have around. Now, two days after the breakup you sit in the common room with a book in your lap as the fire roars. It was pretty late considering the silence. Typically, it was too hectic for you to get some relaxation, but tonight it’s quiet. Too quiet. That means the infamous Marauders were out doing something.

You flipped through the pages in the chapter, enjoying the warmth that emanated from the fireplace. You were aware of most of your surroundings, however, you didn’t hear the girl step out from her dorm into the common room. She stood by the stairs and quietly observed you, trying to understand you.

“You feeling alright Y/N? I know this breakup is pretty rough, but you should really get some sleep.” It was Lily Evans, a long-time friend, who was too pure to understand the truth of the situation. Lies, especially about love, are a complex concept, and  the clever witch could never understand. So, you play along. She feels like she’s helping, and you don’t get a guilt trip about leading anyone on, although he was the one who broke up with you. And, it was to be with another girl, so who was really leading who?

In the end, you nodded your head and said that you would be up in a minute, and that you just wanted to finish your chapter by the fire. Lily seemed to believe you and went back up to the dorms. A few pages later, you heard the portrait and assumed that the boys were probably returning from whatever mischievous quest they were on. Three of them paid no mind to you as they giggled their way back up to their own dorm. One of the boys, however, caught wind of your presence.

“Y/L/N right?”

“That would be me. You are Lupin, Gryffindor prefect and babysitter to those three,” You said motioning your head up to where the boys just were. He chuckled and nodded.

“I heard what happened with that Ravenclaw kid. I know we don’t know each other well, but are you okay?” He seemed almost uncomfortable with the conversation.

“Yeah I’m fine. Things happen I guess. I’ll move on soon enough,” although truth be told I already had. He sat down on the couch next to me. 

“What are you reading?” You closed the book with your finger on your current page and showed him the cover. It was a muggle book you picked up from a muggleborn a few weeks back. It was just something you used to pass the time. You both sat next to each other with a comfortable silence. All that could be heard was the crackling fire. Then, you heard a bit of rustling and looked over to see him pull out some chocolate. As he was breaking off a piece for him to eat, you held out your hand to him. He looked at you incredulously. You motioned your hand towards him. Eventually he placed the piece of chocolate into your hand, and you shoved it into your mouth.

“Chocolate cures everything you know,” you said, still savoring the sweet taste.

“Not everything,” he responded bitterly. You glanced over at his features.

“Well, maybe those things that it isn’t curing don’t need to be cured,” you offered. 

“Maybe. What about you, are you cured of your breakup yet?” You laughed.

“After that small piece? It’s gonna take more than that my friend.” You began to get up, realizing that it was getting late, and you did have to go to class in the morning. You wished him a goodnight and walked up to your dorm. A small smile glued onto you face the whole way up.

For a few days after this occurrence, you would see Remus around school, and in classes. If you saw that he had chocolate, you would wander over to him with a hand raised, awaiting your prize. Everytime he would chuckle at your child-like attitude and shake his head, but ultimately, you always got what you wanted. The other Marauders were becoming more interested in these interactions. Remus was not someone who was often involved with the girls at Hogwarts, in fact, this was the first real time that they saw something like this from him. 

When it came time to go to Hogsmeade, you made your way with Lily by your side. She was complaining about some stunt that James pulled. You knew that she secretly liked him back, but you would never call her out on those feelings, at least not until she was able to realize them herself. You both walked into Honeydukes, where you were scanning the aisles looking for the best sweets.

“So, are we finally going to stop stealing my precious chocolate away from me?” I smiled to myself before I turned to meet his face.

“Well, it just so happens that the cure for a breakup requires a higher dosage of sugar than what you have been offering me. This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook quite yet,” you finished with a smirk. 

From afar, four pairs of eyes were watching this encounter. The three boys and Lily were amazed to see what was becoming of their friends. Sirius and James made it their mission to get Remus to ask you out. Peter was along for the ride, since he liked seeing his friend happy. Lily, on the other hand, was skeptical. You were supposed to be recovering from a breakup, so why were you so quick to move on? She knew Remus, and thought he was a pretty decent guy, and she didn’t want him to get hurt by becoming the rebound. 

You were unaware of how you were feeling. In your past relationships, there had been a sort of convenience and comfort to not being alone, but none of those boys managed to elicit real emotions. You were giddy for the first time in your life, and it was scary, but also exciting. Everytime you were around Remus, it was like things were falling into place, and you couldn’t have been happier. Remus was also beginning to feel something for you. It seemed as though whenever you were around, he had a smile tattooed on his face. Even if you weren’t around, he could feel his lips start to turn upwards with thoughts about the next time he would see you.

A few nights after the trip to Hogsmeade, you sat in the common room with all four of the marauders. You were over on a chair minding your own business with another book in your hand. Occasionally, you would glance up and peek at Remus. Sometimes, your eyes would meet and you would send him a playful wink. During one of these instances, Sirius and James made the choice that tonight was the night to get you two together.

“Prongs, I think I need help on that transfiguration assignment.”

“Sure Padfoot, let’s do that. Wormtail, we may need you for, uh, moral support.” With that the two schemers dragged their friend up to the dorms leaving you and Remus alone in the common room. He looked up at you and motioned his head to the recently vacant place beside. You put down your book with a playful pout, but smiled as you made your way to him. The next few hours consisted of different conversations about everything and nothing. You were both now laying down on the ground, when you sat up and looked at him.

“If you were a muggle,” you paused.

“If I were a muggle what?” He urged sitting up to face you.

“No. It’s dumb. Forget it.” You went to lay back down but he grabbed you and pulled you up.

“Let me hear it. C’mon, I deal with those three idiots upstairs. Anything you say sounds smart.”

“Okay. If you were a muggle, what would be your dream job, and don’t you dare say a teacher or professor, because that is just plain cheating.” You spit out the last part knowing he would choose the easiest of the options.

“I don’t know. Maybe, uh...He looked around the room and saw a wrapper. How about a chocolate maker?” You laughed obnoxiously at his answer. “What? It’s not that funny,” he replied sheepishly. 

“Oh, Mr. Moony, to be a chocolatier. What a fitting dream it is.” You continued to laugh at his choice, and eventually he joined in.

 Your night together ended in joyous laughter. It was perfect, and you soon found yourself in a place you never thought you would end up.  You were falling hopelessly in love with Remus Lupin, and there was no you were coming back.

The next morning, you had slept in. You didn’t mean to, but your dreams were filled with Remus and you just couldn’t bring yourself back to reality where you two weren’t together. At breakfast, Lily made her way to the Marauders to talk to Remus about his relationship with you. She wanted the both of you to be happy, but she didn’t want anyone to get hurt in the process.

“Lupin. Can I talk to you for a minute?” Remus looked at the boys, but eventually got up to talk with Lily.

“You know, Y/N is still dealing with her breakup, and I just can’t help but wonder how you fall into all of this. I mean, they were together for a while, and I’m just worried that she is using you to get over him. I’m sorry.” She finished with a nervous look on her face. Remus’ expression was unreadable. Was he angry at Lily for making such accusations? Was he upset at himself for falling for someone who was using him? He needed time to process so that is what he did.

Later that day, you saw him in the halls with Sirius by his side. You wandered over to him like you had been doing all of this time, but he just shouldered past you and left you confused and alone. Sirius looked as though he was apologetic, but even he didn’t know what was going on. When he asked Remus about it, he was told to “mind his own damn business.” This was a clear sign that Remus was pissed, and no one could figure why. 

This occurred for another week. Both you and Remus were feeling the effects of this distance. You two had grown so accustomed to the time you spent together. The smiles and inside jokes were gone and no one knew why, except for Remus and Lily. They boys were annoyed with the sudden irritability of their friend, but they thought it had to do with his furry little problem. Well, the full moon had gone and nothing changed. Remus was still bitter, and no one could stand it anymore. 

On the other hand, Lily was seeing what real heartbreak looked on you. Before, you were reserved, but there was nothing that told her that you were really grieving the loss of a relationship. The lack of contact with Remus was taking a toll on you. You were sad all of the time. You hardly smiled anymore, and you lost the spark that made you so incredible. It wasn’t until you started skipping meals to avoid having to look at Remus that she realized that she had made a huge mistake. 

One morning, she went to breakfast alone, which concerned Remus because you typically tried to talk to him or the other Marauders in the morning. This time it was different, and he was worried, but more than anything he was angry. He shouldn’t have had this much of an impact on you, especially when this was all your fault. You were the one who was using him to get over your ex. At least that was what he thought. After letting these thoughts get to his head, he made the decision to leave the great hall and take some time to himself in the library.

 This was the perfect opportunity for the three boys to get an idea over what happened from Lily. She told them everything, including how she thinks that she made a huge mistake. Sirius and James started plotting different ways to get the two together, but Lily knew that she just needed to come clean to her friend and pray that you would forgive her in the end.

Later that day, you were in bed contemplating which sweets to eat, hoping that they would end the emptiness you felt inside. You couldn’t bring yourself to eat any of the chocolate you had bought prior to the silent treatment you were receiving from the boy that made your heart pound. As you picked up some sugar quills, you heard the door open. When Lily appeared before you, she looked desperate. 

“There’s something that I need to tell you, and I just need to start by saying that I am so sorry.” She paused and waited for your reaction.

“Go on then,” you said carefully.

“Well, you see, uh, a little while ago, I um, had a chat with Remus. I was trying to look out for the both of you. I may have, just slightly, insinuated that he was your rebound, and that nothing good could come out of whatever you two had going on. Listen Y/N, I am so sorry, and I see now that what I did was wrong, and I know you will never forgive me but-” 

“Stop rambling,” you interrupted. “I’m not mad, well I am, but I understand. I was playing up the whole breakup thing before and you were looking out for Remus. I understand where you were coming from, but I just wish you would have talked to me about it before. This thing with Remus is more than anything I’ve had before.” Lily watched you with a small smile. She made a huge mistake in thinking that you didn’t really care for Remus. Here you are, already plotting how to get him back. You never would have done that for anyone else. It was refreshing for Lily to see you growing up and falling in love. 

“Lily, you were the one who caused this issue though, so I’m gonna need your help.”

“Whatever you need. I can’t see you mope around the dorm anymore.”

“Good, but this plan may require a bit of flirting with a Potter. Do you think you can handle it?” She laughed.

“I don’t even think I need to flirt to get him to help.” She thought back to this morning and how desperate the boys were to get their friend back up in high spirits. 

The rest of the day and the following morning were spent making sure that the plan was perfect. That night, you set everything into motion. You had been waiting by the fire in the common room, just out of sight from anyone who was entering through the portrait hole. Sirius was bringing Remus to the common room, while Peter and Lily managed to keep everyone out of the common room for as long as possible. James was assigned to charming the common room to keep Remus inside for a little while. It wouldn’t last long, but it should be long enough that you two make up.

When you heard two voices enter the common room, you panicked slightly. What if this didn’t work? Had you really lost the only person you’ve ever really fallen for when you did nothing wrong? You were petrified to say the least. When he finally got wind of your presence, he went to rush up to his dorm but James pushed him back.

“You two are going to talk whether you, Mr. I’m-too-stubborn-for-my-own-good, like it or not.” With that, the two pranksters left you two alone. Remus looked at you with a look that you could only define as that of betrayal. 

“You know, I lied that night when you gave me that piece of chocolate.” He looked at you with confusion written in his features. “I was cured of my breakup long before you showed up. I didn’t understand what heartbreak felt like until you stopped talking to me. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, you weren’t aware of the truth. Don’t get mad at Lily either. She wasn’t aware either. Listen, from what I hear from the boys, you have been pretty insufferable lately, and I know that it’s my fault but I think I found a way to fix it.”

Remus watched you carefully as you walked towards him. You held out your hand to him, and in it was some chocolate. His eyes trailed up to yours where you held a hopeful smirk.

“Chocolate cures everything, and right now, I need you to be cured so you can see just how much you mean to me Remus. You were never the rebound. You’re so much more than that to me, and I don’t want to spend another day of my life without you there with me.”

He silently grabbed the chocolate and began to unwrap it. He stopped and looked up at you with a mischievous grin.

“It’s melted, my dear.” You looked at the item in his hand and facepalmed.

“I’m so sorry Remus, I was waiting for you by the fire, and well, chocolate and heat don’t really mix all that well. I thought this was going to be romantic.” You felt so stupid. How could you mess up the easiest part of the plan? 

He scooped up a small bit on his finger and sucked on it. “It’s still delicious.”

You looked up and grabbed some as well just as he had done before. 

“Darling,” he began, “you’ve got a little something on your lip.” You smiled.

“So do you,” you said before closing the gap between the two of you. When your lips met, it was heavenly. The combined taste of chocolate and Remus sent you to another realm. You brought your hand to his face, unaware of the chocolate that was still on your fingers. When he finally pulled away, you saw the mess you had made. Small giggles spewed from your mouth, and they soon turned into large laughs.

“Mr. Moony, you really are taking this whole chocolatier thing too far,” you managed to get out between laughs. He brought his hand up and felt the residue of his sweet gift. He looked at your face, completely guilt-free, and down at the bar of melted chocolate. He smiled and sneakily swiped a few of his fingers into the chocolate. He waltzed over to you as you tried to calm your breathing after your giggle fit.

“Well, I think it’s about time that you become Mrs. Chocolatier. Don’t you think?” He dragged his fingers down your cheeks and across your lips, as your face contorted into that of pure surprise. 

“Wow, you really do look the part now. Oh, to be a chocolatier Ms.Y/L/N.” He brought you in for another sweet kiss. But was interrupted by the sound of gagging from Sirius and James.

“We leave you alone for a couple of minutes and this is what you two do? Look at this mess. And to think Moony, you call us children.” You and Remus just giggled at the small ranting from Sirius before he pulled you in for another kiss.