#so y'know if this even gets one note it's a huge improvement for me

[shiningwonderland]

Syo Kurusu (Repeat)

Translator: Raz (twitter: agnadance)

Editor: Snail (twitter: herbert_snail)

March - Turbulent Syncopation

Syo Kurusu: Well, I guess this is it.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun, you've improved so much!

Syo Kurusu: Of course! Human beings are meant to advance every single day!

SELECT THE PHRASE!

1) 身長も？Their height, too? (+5 Love +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Shut up about height!

Haruka Nanami: You're not getting taller?

Syo-kun flinches, his words getting stuck in his throat.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun, you've become so much stronger over the past few months that I thought you've grown taller….

Syo Kurusu: Is that what you think? Huh, yeah! Maybe you're onto something!

Haruka Nanami: Yes….

Syo Kurusu: Th-then, I'll go measure myself!

Haruka Nanami: Ah…. He left….

If he's going to measure his height, then maybe he went to the nurse's office? There should be a machine that measures height there.

Syo Kurusu: … I'm back.

Haruka Nanami: How was it…?

Syo Kurusu: One millimeter….

Haruka Nanami: You grew taller?

Syo Kurusu: … No, I shrunk…. What the hell was that?! Is it broken?!

Haruka Nanami: There, there….

Syo comes in fuming, but he immediately puts himself together and begins practice again.

2) 成績も？Their grades, too? (+10 Love +5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Ugh…. Well, I'm not getting failing grades anymore…. I think that's thanks to you, actually. Your notes are well organized, after all.

Also, you're also really good at teaching. If you aren't able to become a professional composer, how about becoming a teacher?

Haruka Nanami: A teacher… at school? That sounds nice….

Syo Kurusu: Hey, hey, don't take that comment too seriously. It's a joke. You're gonna be my composer for life!

Haruka Nanami: Hehehe. Understood! I'll do my best! Let's win the graduation audition!

3) 体重も？Their weight, too? (+0 Love +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Yeah, yeah, hot pot really hits the spot this time of year–HEY!

Don't make fun of me! I'm an idol! I can watch my weight, y'know!

Haruka Nanami: I would expect nothing less of you!

Syo Kurusu: Lately, I haven't been having any symptoms either! Thanks to that, I think the surgery will go well. Our final problem is the lyrics….

Haruka Nanami: Huh? Didn't you finish writing them a while back?

Syo Kurusu: … Well, those lyrics do match the rhythm of the song so I can sing them if I have to, but I feel like they're not quite right yet.

What I want to say is that they don't feel complete. I want to put my soul into our song.

The power words have is huge. I feel like the lyrics don't hold a candle to your composition. There's something missing.

SELECT THE PHRASE!

1)テーマを決めてみたら？How about deciding on some themes? (+5 Love +10 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Hyuga-sensei advised us to decide on some themes.

Syo Kurusu: Themes, huh? Hmm, how about "life", "living", "strength", "dreams", "courage", "persistence".... Oh, and something like  "Follow me!" 

Haruka Nanami: Hahaha, I think that's good, too. I think the best part about you is how strong you are and how you never give up.

2)言葉を書き連ねてみたら？How about make a list of words? (+5 Love +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: I heard if you get lost, try to write as many words as possible that pop up into your head into a notebook. It may be good to even try allegories.

You might get something interesting if you try different combinations.

Also, Hyuga-sensei said that it's okay to write words and not full sentences. He said to give musical phrases the utmost consideration.

The words will be put into song, so it's fine if the nuance shows even with one word. I think he also said that the chorus should be really catchy….

Syo Kurusu: I see. That's really helpful. Thanks, Haruka!

3)情景と心情を・・・Scenes and emotions…. (+5 Love +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Hyuga-sensei said not only to include emotions, but scenes too.

He said describing something that instantly puts a scene in your head is easy to understand.

If you put emotions into that, it's easy to immerse yourself into the song.

If I remember correctly, something like beginning with a character's actions, or describing the place they're in, then describing the feelings of that character….

That's just one of the methods that I was taught.

Syo Kurusu: Yeah! Just you wait. I'll write lyrics so good that it'll rock your heart.

Haruka Nanami: I'm looking forward to it.

It's the end of school.

Syo-kun and I walk towards the dorms together.

Haruka Nanami: Isn't that….

We see Kaoru-kun peek at us from outside the school gates.

Syo Kurusu: And then Ren said… huh? What's the matter?

Haruka Nanami: … It's nothing. I forgot something back at school, so can we split up here?

Syo Kurusu: That's fine, but why not just go together?

Haruka Nanami: Thanks, but it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow.

Once I confirm Syo-kun has walked out of sight, I run towards Kaoru-kun.

Haruka Nanami: Kaoru-kun!

Kaoru Kurusu: Ah, Nanami-san…. Why…? You've got sharp eyes to notice me….

Haruka Nanami: Did you come to see how Syo-kun's doing?

If that's so, then he must've come see him occasionally this entire time in secret.

Kaoru Kurusu: It's because I'm worried about him… but Syo-chan hates how much I worry about him.

Kaoru-kun purses his lips.

Kaoru Kurusu: I want to be by his side to support him always, but he's the one trying to protect me…. He's working too hard….

You're Syo-chan's girlfriend, right? Are you supporting him properly? Aren't you the one being protected by him instead of the other way around?

He raises his head and looks me in the eye. Ahh, Kaoru-kun truly cares about Syo-kun.

Kaoru Kurusu: I'm sorry for saying this, but you don't seem to be that reliable. You're not being a burden to him, are you?

Haruka Nanami: I'm… doing my best to not hold him back. Nonetheless, Syo-kun sometimes does work himself too hard.

I want to do even better to support him.

Kaoru Kurusu: Are you really supporting him?

He stares at me with a doubtful look in his eyes. I understand, I need to earn his trust.

Haruka Nanami: I'll do my best.

That's all I can say. Compared to Kaoru, who has been with Syo-kun since birth, I am just a stranger to him.

I need to work even harder so he can trust me.

Haruka Nanami: By the way, you two are twins, right? Is your health okay, Kaoru-kun? Your heart doesn't start hurting or anything?

Kaoru Kurusu: I'm fine. I'm completely healthy….

I took all of Syo-chan's energy when we were in the womb together. That's why he's so weak….

Haruka Nanami: That's not true….

Kaoru Kurusu: I know that's a completely irrational way of thinking, but that thought has always been stuck in my mind.

He must've felt so guilty for being healthy when Syo-kun has been suffering so much.

That must be why he began thinking like that.

But no matter how hard Kaoru-kun is on himself, that won't make Syo-kun happy….

Kaoru Kurusu: When my friends and I would play in preschool and kindergarten, Syo-chan would be bedridden in the hospital.

Syo-chan is energetic now, but he became ill very often when we were kids, and he was almost always in the hospital.

I wish he spoke up more, like say he wanted to go to preschool too, but he would say….

Kaoru-kun bites down on his lip in an attempt to hold back his tears.

Kaoru Kurusu: He would never complain even once. He would sacrifice himself by telling me that I should go out and have fun.

He would laugh and say he was fine, putting up a cheerful act.

Haruka Nanami: Yes… Syo-kun always says that, doesn't he? Even when he's in pain….

Kaoru Kurusu: But the truth is, Syo-chan is actually vulnerable.

I saw him cry to himself in his hospital bed when I wasn't with him.

Haruka Nanami: …

Kaoru Kurusu: "I want to live." "I want to get better." "I want to play outside with everyone else." He was crying, his voice shaking. 

The moment he noticed I was standing there, he wiped his tears and acted like nothing happened. He laughed and said he's fine.

Syo-kun has been fighting all by himself this entire time, even when he was a child.

Kaoru Kurusu: I want to protect him, but all he does is protect me instead. I get so sad and frustrated….

That's when I thought I'll become a doctor and cure Syo-chan's illness….

Haruka Nanami: Is that so….

Kaoru Kurusu: But I couldn't become one immediately… so every time I saw Syo-chan like that, it was so unbearable that I would cry.

All I could do was say sorry to him. Syo-chan is in so much pain, but he would never complain to me.

He didn't say anything when he quit playing violin…. Instead, he began learning karate….

Haruka Nanami: That's because… Syo-kun wanted to become stronger in his own way….

Kaoru Kurusu: I understand, but…. At that time, I thought that he became so desperate that he was just hurting himself.

In fact, I still think he's doing that. He's trying to hurry through his life.

He's panicking because he thinks he has no time left to live, but… if one were to care for him, he can live even longer.

I want him to wait for me… until I become a doctor and become able to cure his sickness….

I just want him to wait patiently.

Haruka Nanami: The reason why you're aiming to become a doctor is for Syo-kun, right?

Kaoru Kurusu: Yes…. That was the reason at first, but now I want to cure not just Syo-chan but anyone who is suffering from illness.

I want to make them happy….

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun must feel the same way.

Kaoru Kurusu: Huh…?

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun is aiming to become an idol because he wants everyone to be happy and spread his joy to others.

Kaoru Kurusu: His joy…? Is that why he wants to become an idol?

Haruka Nanami: Yes, Syo-kun and Kaoru-kun's methods are different, but you're both aiming for the same goal.

Kaoru Kurusu: Is that so…? Is that true?

Haruka Nanami: Just like Kaoru-kun wants Syo-kun to be happy and put a smile on his face….

Syo-kun wants Kaoru-kun to be happy, so he's doing his best making his song.

A song that would lift the spirits of anyone who listens to it… that's why I want you to support Syo-kun's goal to be an idol….

Kaoru Kurusu: I….

He whispers to himself then looks down to think.

Kaoru Kurusu: … I'll go back for today. Tell Syo-chan to not overwork himself….

He leaves while clenching his fist.

Haruka Nanami: Yes.

Syo-kun and Kaoru-kun…. They care about each other this much, but why are they always at conflict?

Is it because they're too stubborn? I wish they would see eye to eye soon….

Syo Kurusu: So he went back home?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, Syo-kun! Since when….

Syo Kurusu: I came back a while ago because you were acting strange. That guy's a handful.

Haruka Nanami: He's just worried about you, Syo-kun….

Syo Kurusu: I get that, but he needs to think about himself more. He's only ever cared about me even when we were little.

When we were kids, he would cry so much every time I fell ill.

He would say that the reason why I'm not healthy is because he took all my energy when we were in the womb. 

Even though that makes no sense, he always apologized to me and beat himself up for it.

I kept telling him there's no relation at all and he's at no fault, but he would never listen.

I just… don't feel comfortable seeing him cry. I decided I'll become better so I would never make him cry.

I made a vow not to ever show that I'm in pain in front of him.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun….

But Syo-kun's consideration is the entire reason why Kaoru-kun is hurting inside….

It hurts me to see them care about each other this much and yet not truly understand each other.

Syo Kurusu: When we entered elementary school, I was able to go to school normally and Kaoru and I both began to study violin on our parents' suggestion.

At that time, we were aiming to become pro violinists together.

Syo-kun grins with a nostalgic look on his face.

Syo Kurusu: Even so, I still fell ill sometimes and had to take a day off from school. Every time I did, Kaoru would also take a break and stay by my side.

Although it's not possible to be together all the time, he would do his best to never leave me because he thought that I felt inferior to him.

That's when I met Natsuki and quit violin.

Kaoru incessantly asked me why I quit, but I never gave him an answer. He felt guilty because he was convinced that it was his fault that I quit.

After that, I began practicing karate. I lied to Kaoru that I quit violin because karate looked more interesting.

Kaoru was completely against me doing karate, saying that I should stop because it's dangerous for me…. 

But I never quit. I trained and trained, and when I got better at karate, my body became more and more resilient. 

The doctor was surprised too, saying it was a miracle….

Haruka Nanami: I… always thought that you were powerful even since you were born.

But now I know that's not true. You became strong because you worked hard for it….

Syo Kurusu: Well, the ability to keep trying is a strength on its own. In that sense, you're strong too.

But Kaoru…. maybe because he was healthy from the start, or that I was like this, but….

He's fragile…. Or maybe sensitive is the better way to word it. Anyway, he would start crying over the smallest things.

I don't want to make him cry… If I told him that I'm planning to undergo surgery, he'll cry for sure….

SELECT THE PHRASE!

1) 内緒にしておく？Will you keep it secret? (+0 Love +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: There's no way I'll do that. I'll tell him soon enough…. Will you come with me when that time comes?

Haruka Nanami: … Yes.

2) 言わないの？You won't tell him? (+20 Love +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: No… I'll tell him with my own words. However….

Syo-kun clasps my hand.

Syo Kurusu: I want you to be by my side when that time comes.

Haruka Nanami: Okay.

3) 言わなきゃダメだよ。You have to tell him. (+10 Love +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: … I know. Will you encourage me to do it?

Haruka Nanami: …?

Syo Kurusu: If you're by my side, I feel like I can tell him properly.

Haruka Nanami: … I'll stay with you. I'll stay with you as long as you're fine with that.

Syo Kurusu: Thanks.

Next day, Syo-kun calls Kaoru-kun to his room and tells him everything.

The fact that he'll never give up pursuing being an idol, and that he'll undergo surgery to do so.

Kaoru Kurusu: I understand that you're ready for this, but what about me and your girlfriend?

Syo-chan, you're always like this. Even that time when you quit playing violin suddenly…. All I can do is worry about you.

Why do you always decide this by yourself? I want you to talk it out with me…. Am I really that unreliable?

Syo Kurusu: That's not it….

Kaoru Kurusu: Then don't go. Don't go to a far off place by yourself.

Syo Kurusu: Sorry, but I've already decided.

Kaoru Kurusu: You're going no matter what?

Syo Kurusu: Yeah. When the graduation audition is over, I'm going to the States.

Kaoru Kurusu: What about her? She's your girlfriend. Are you just going to leave her behind?

Syo Kurusu: Yeah, that's how it'll be.

Kaoru Kurusu: That's how it'll be…? That's cruel! Are you serious? You're satisfied with that?

SELECT THE PHRASE!

1) 寂しいけど・・・I'll feel lonely, but…. (+15 Love +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: But… Syo-kun will return no matter what, so….

Syo Kurusu: Haruka…. Yeah, I'll come back for sure.

Syo-kun puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in.

2) 翔くんが決めたことだから。Syo-kun has decided. (+15 Love +10 Music)

Haruka Nanami: I'll do as he says.

Syo Kurusu: Thanks. I knew that you would say that.

Syo-kun and I look at each other and hold each other's hands.

3) 信じてるから。I believe in him. (+25 Love +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun will come back better than ever.

Kaoru Kurusu: But… there's only a 50% chance of success. If this surgery fails…. Anyway, I think it's best for him to stay put.

Syo Kurusu: I can increase my chances with a fighting spirit! Isn't that right?

Haruka Nanami: Yes!

He's passionate and nothing will change if he runs away. I think that's what he's trying to say. 

Kaoru Kurusu: I can't believe that. No, if Syo-chan's gone, what should I do with myself?

Haruka Nanami: Believe in him. Your emotions will become strength, and even though they're not visible, your wishes will come true if you gather enough of them. 

Syo Kurusu: Yes! That's a great way to put it! It's not impossible!

There's a whole 50% chance! I believe in that 50%! I'll survive for everyone's sake. …No, I want to live for myself….

Kaoru Kurusu: You really believe in each other. I thought I was the one who understood you the most….

I always thought that I was the most important person in your life….

Syo Kurusu: …You're my little brother. You're one of my precious family members. 

We're twins. We've been together ever since we were born and were raised under the same roof, but we have to walk different paths from now on.

She's my partner… and my girlfriend….

We'll be walking the same path together from now on…. She's special.

You're not alone. I believe that you can get your own partner….

Haruka Nanami: … Syo-kun….

Kaoru Kurusu: I… might take your girlfriend while you're gone. Are you okay with that?

Haruka Nanami: Huh? U-Uh….

Syo Kurusu: Try if you can.

Kaoru Kurusu: … You don't get it at all!

He storms out of the room.

SELECT THE PHRASE!

1) 行っちゃったね・・・He left…. (+0 Love +0 Music)

Syo-kun silently gazes at the door.

２）わかってもらえるといいね。I hope he'll understand. (+20 Love +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Yeah….

Syo-kun…. He wants Kaoru-kun to understand him more than anyone else.

３）あの・・・追いかけた方が・・・Um… will you follow him? (+10 Love +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: No, it's pointless to do that…. I wanted him to understand me though.

I wonder if Kaoru-kun will come to the graduation audition?

I want him to hear Syo-kun's song…. I want him to know his resolve.

I have to practice as hard as I can until the very end….

MINI GAME

Ryuya Hyuga: Whether you cry or laugh, you only get one audition for graduation. There are no redos. 

The only way to perform the best song on stage is to do steady, constant practice in the shadows. You repeat listening to the same song, perform it, and raise the quality.

Now, try performing your song as if you're on stage. Try to find any faults, crush them, and prepare for the real deal. Got it?!

This is the final lesson. Get your head in the game!

S RANK

Syo Kurusu: You came this far. Hm? What's wrong, don't cry! It's too soon to get emotional. If you're gonna cry, cry when you listen to my singing.

Haruka Nanami: Emotions started welling up inside of me…. I'll do my best to hold in the tears….

When I squeeze my eyes shut, Syo-kun pecks me on the forehead.

Haruka Nanami: Syo…kun.

He sees me stop crying from surprise and then makes a satisfied grin.

It's unfair that he's this cool. He's going to leave the country soon, but now I don't want him to leave….

But now that my tears have stopped, I must not cry again.

Syo-kun hasn't talked with Kaoru-kun after that. Now he's preparing to go on stage for the graduation audition.

Once this ends, he'll leave the country to undergo surgery.

I don't want to think of a situation where the surgery fails, but….

This may be the last time I see Syo-kun sing.

I know I shouldn't be thinking that, but I couldn't shake my worry.

Syo Kurusu: It's time for my performance.

Haruka Nanami: Yeah….

Syo Kurusu: Why do you look so gloomy, idiot? You aren't thinking of something ominous, are you?

He pokes me on the forehead.

Haruka Nanami: I'm sorry.

Syo Kurusu: Sheesh….

Syo-kun gently embraces me.

Syo Kurusu: … I was told this a long time ago, but… I was like a light bulb that's about to go out.

Haruka Nanami: Huh…?

Syo Kurusu: That I was shining brightly right before burning out… and I thought that was fine.

I thought that I needed to shine as brightly as possible because I didn't know when I was going to go out, but I wasn't satisfied with just that….

After I met you, I began wanting more.

I want to keep shining by your side…. That's why I won't give up on myself or my destiny….

This isn't the end. This is the beginning of my heroic saga!

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun….

Syo-kun grabs both of my shoulders and looks into my eyes.

Syo Kurusu: Take a good look at how heroic I am!

He kisses me on the forehead.

With a grin, he runs to the stage.

Chapter End

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Well, I guess I can go fuck myself.

I fuckin hate my goddamn life. So fuckin much.

GM is purposely cuttin my hours since I'm gettin sicker nowadays and he thinks that it's on purpose

“Until I see improvement, I'm givin your hours to someone who needs it.”

I HAVE TO MOVE NEXT MONTH AND HE'S PLAYIN WITH MY HOURS CAUSE I EASILY GET SICK SINCE I GOT FUCKIN RAN OVER AND MY SPLEEN GOT RUPTURED IN THE PROCESS

He's gettin me to quit so he doesn't have to pay for when I get on unemployment if he fired me. But I'm not goin to do that shit.

I don't quit jobs like that. I'll stay there till I have to leave cause of my mental and physical health goin down. Which it fuckin is.

I'm lookin for a different job so I don't have to worry bout this stupid bullshit anymore. It's been two years and I'm still treated like a nuisance and burden here.

I also am goin to call his boss and tell her how I'm bein treated (cause they all know I got ran over and my limitations) and my boss is basically bein ableist at this point with my chronic pain (and, I don't know, MAYBE HAVIN A HUGE FUCKIN SCAR DOWN MY ABDOMEN CAUSE OF THE SURGERY) and I just feel like I'm bein ignored at this point cause of it.

I feel like I'm a 3 year old tryin to communicate with adults who won't fuckin listen to what I'm tryin to say (even though I'm the fuckin oldest one in the whole store, other than my boss’ boss bein older than me) and just ignore what I'm tryin to say.

It's gotten to the point where I get SO fuckin angry that I'm tryin to not to cry cause I get VERY violent (towards myself, not others, by the way) if I get too angry and tryin to not lose my cool to not hurt myself is really fuckin hard.

I just want to be listened to for once and not worry that others don't understand what I'm tryin to say. (Thanks autism.)

Again, sorry for the rant. I'm just tired. :))))))

(Another note, I wasn't scheduled to work today and they needed help cause nobody was scheduled for my shift (9-2/3) and now they're fucked today cause of it when I should've been there in the first fuckin place so they didn't HAVE to ask for help at that time. :))))))) But. Y'know. I guess I can go fuck myself, cause this is my punishment for gettin sick easily now.)

[evilartist37]

I saw you made a post about how disheartening it is when your art doesn't get many notes, and I know you struggle a lot with feeling good about your art and I just wanted to say that you're not alone.

But doing art and posting art right now is the best thing you can do, y'know? Even if it's 'not good' right now (which uhh, is not true because art is about how much love you put into it and also literally your art is good anyways)

And I just really wanted to say that putting your art out makes people like me feel like my art is actually ok because it's like yours and yours is ok.

I used to struggle so much with my self worth in regards to art.

And (unsolicited advice incoming) I think it's so important to keep doing art, y'know? Keep drawing shapes and copying images and tracing images and imitating inspirational art pieces by other people. Doodle with a ballpoint pen on scrap paper. Redo your own art again and again and don't be afraid of doing 'bad art' because art is about love and learning and practicing and evolving and improving.

I think the thing that helped me most with my art, was thinking to myself that every piece of art I did is just practice for the next. And that is just practice for the next. And so on.

And y'know, someday your art will get so many notes but that doesn't make it 'better' necessarily than what you're doing now, and certainly not more important because every little bit of art you do is like a brick of a wall. And someday that wall will be tall and beautiful but without those bricks it is nothing.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that every piece of art is important, even if no one else can see it yet.

<3

This was so profound and meaningful and deep! Like, anon, this means so much to me. I don’t know who you are but I am hugging you through the screen. Thank you so much.

I never thought of art being bricks in a wall. That analogy actually sounds like it would work for me. I really like it.

I’m recovering from drilled-in-as-a-kid perfectionism and it is so difficult. It makes me hate the things I create sometimes, or tells me I don’t have the proper skills to attempt something. But you know what? Who gives a damn! I can make whatever art I want, when I want, skill level be damned.

And honestly, I’ve improved so, so much from where I was years ago. I used to think my art was stagnant, but looking at then and now, and how fast I’m improving with digital art, it’s very clear that it’s not. My art isn’t stagnant, and that’s huge. That means I still have room to learn and grow.

Also, I’m so glad I can make other people feel good about their art by posting mine! I love seeing all sorts of art when I come on here. (It’s one reason I haven’t abandoned this hellsite yet.)

Neil Gaiman has a fabulous quote about making mistakes and bad art, and through that ultimately making the world a better place than it was before you started. I have it taped to my wall, actually.

So, yes, I struggle with perfectionism and not even really figuring out how to doodle, but I have room to grow and will keep posting as I do.

Thank you so much for this encouragement. It means so much to me. 💙

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Big whoops.

Whoa so that's her? I do see the family resembles going on...

Yeah, the thing with Harumi was that she was a rebel and usually hung out with my former Classmates.

But they were a bunch of bullies, not nice at all but I heard they got expelled and are doing better which probably for the best and I even remember she was going to attend the main course.

Wait, seriously? Like what was she good at...?

I believe it was related to forensics, a type of field the police use to solve cold cases and track down murderers.

But they can be use for things like finding art theives, stolen money and other things connected to DNA, she solve a total of 150 cases in total; I think her first case was solving her teacher's murder in middle school and it was discover to be a pretty pissed off former classmate of hers.

Wh-Whoa, a 150 cases?! That's a lot!

So if she were enroll she would of been able to solve a whole bunch of cases, huh?

Yeah she would of been, honestly her research would of help out the police if I had to guess.

But I will admit, given her family; I figure she get in no problem but didn't.

Her family? Wait is this connected to Nepotism as well?

Yeah it is, in fact here's some papers regarding her mom...

*pulls out laptop and clicks a page*

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'After being the head of the ministry of education for 55 years - Hitomi Nanami, Hope's Peak Academy's Class 22's Ultimate Teacher has resigned and has step down...'

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Whoa, ministry of education?

Yeah, Harumi's mom was a huge help with the education system after World War 2 and was even alive during the atomic bomb, she help to restore the education system and even help improve Hope's Peak Academy and made it a proper school.

Why else do you think the school has classmates and labs, you can thank to her.

Huh? So that's why those classrooms exist, I never really sat in them but if she's that big of a deal then wow that's huge.

Yeah I think after she graduated; the school was never run the same again, she left a lot of notes and everything but the school barely use them at all - I think her biggest issue is that people took advantage of her kindness and didn't want to work on the school.

And of course, there's her mom as well - a pretty family medic...

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'Chiyo Nanami, the Ultimate Medic of Class 6 was one of the first female Ultimates to be recognize for her knowledge into Western Medical procedures and influenced by complementary and alternative medicine. Policymakers in this era appear to have been successful, as their objectives were fulfilled, leaving room for traditional practitioners to maintain their practices and even has a hospital named after her.'

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Wh-Whoa, so like... this is the first women to be recognize as an Ultimates?!

So without her, women wouldn't become Ultimates... dang, talk about a legacy to fulfil, huh?

Yeah, as say - the Nanami's have quite a history with the school and their daughter got enroll as an Ultimate Gamer which honestly doesn't surprise me.

But I'm surprise how your class treated that girl, honestly what they did wasn't okay and you should tell them that what they did was wrong.

Yeah, I know and hearing all this kind of annoys me too...

But y'know I'm not good at confronting people with this stuff, I mean I don't like bringing down the mood.

But even still, what your class did wasn't okay? Trust me, saying stuff like this probably won't make anyone happy but if they don't realize their mistake; they won't get better and trust me, it usually is better if you realize where you are wrong to become better.

That's the thing that we in the adult world have to learn and I think you should realize this too before you graduate, Ibuki.

Hmm... yeah, I think I get it; if you want to get better then you have to realize where you went wrong; I'll be sure to inform them all about this.

Heh, good glad to hear it! I know your a good kid Ibuki, I know you wouldn't do this without a reason so hopefully you realize that!

'My mom was a good person and honestly, I realize this mistake but I still don't like bringing down the mood but I feel I had to say something...'

[sroloc--elbisivni]

TF fic: Metamorphosis

“I’m very mature,” Chip protested. “This is just like the work I’ve already been doing, except it’ll be further away and they’ll pay my room and board on top of the consulting fees.”

“And there could be evil robots lurking around waiting for a chance to shoot at your workplace,” his mom said, tartly.  

“I really think you’re focusing too much on the evil robots.”

Or: Chip Chase gets a job, makes some friends, and conducts an ongoing cost/benefit analysis on continuing to engage with the human race. Y'know, normal teen stuff.

hey, it’s the Chip backstory fic for mushroomverse I’ve been threatening for months! I had to go read computer programming journals from 1978 for this and it wasn’t even relevant after the first paragraph. I’m proud of this thing, but it got long, so only the first chunk is under the cut.

ao3

When Chip was sixteen, he’d been in his mom’s office at her school, reading through a paper someone had sent her about the power plant being built out on the coast. They’d been discussing the problem of switching from coal power to hydro-electric, and the challenges of scaling power flow regulation to the infinitely more variable tidal changes. Chip had read another paper a few months ago about streamlining data tables into decision trees in Communications of the Association for Computing Machinery that seemed like it could apply to the problem, so for fun, he spent an hour with books on tidal movements in the library until he’d cobbled together a practice data table. When the big industrial computers were free, he’d used the time to type up a sample, notating the code with helpful [APPLY ELECTRICAL FUNCTION HERE] where it seemed like you’d need to actually affect the code of a power plant. Then he’d put the whole thing on a floppy disk, looked up the address in government records, and mailed it off along with an explanatory note before his mother finished her office hours and it was time to go home.

Chip had forgotten about the whole thing for the next few weeks, until a letter had arrived via certified mail addressed to Mr. Chip Chase, thanking him for his program suggestions. The systems programmers had looked it over and believed it would be a vast improvement on their current practice. Would he be willing to come along and consult on the installation? He would, of course, be paid for his time.

Dr. Charles Chase was on sabbatical this semester, so Chip went into the office to ask if it would be possible for him to give Chip a ride out to the coast in a week or so. His dad, clearly immersed in the Byzantines, agreed before coming back to the present long enough to ask “Why?”

“They want to pay me for my time,” Chip said, because he wasn’t sure the explanation would be interesting enough to hold his father’s attention when competing with Ancient Istanbul.

“Well, that’s good. Know your worth.”

What Chip was worth, apparently, was $9.35 an hour, which felt like way too much money on top of being handed permission to mess with and add to the capabilities of a huge computer system he’d never gotten to play with before. But he’d played too many rounds of poker with his siblings to turn down money when it was being offered to him so he just said thank you and tried to do $9.35 an hour work.

It must have been worth it, because a few weeks after that job finished up he got a call from that plant again. One of the programmers he’d worked with knew someone who was conducting a similar project out in Chip’s neck of the woods. Would he be interested in helping with that, too?

By April of 1980, six months shy of his eighteenth birthday, Chip had built up a solid reputation as a systems programmer for various large plants and manufactories around Northern California. He was making enough to be able to pay his older sister to drive him to places when their dad went back to work, and to invest in new editions of his favorite tabletop games, and even to pay for most of his very own personal computer.

And then there was a volcanic eruption, and aliens, and someone Chip knew in the federal government mentioned that they were helping co-construct a power plant to offset some of their energy needs. And, well. Since that was Chip’s specialty, he put in an application. He got a call from someone who introduced himself as Prowl and only spent five minutes quizzing Chip on his systems experience instead of the solid hour of doubt Chip was used to getting from new employers before informing him that someone would call him for a second interview shortly.

As soon as he hung up, Chip whooped in delight loud enough to startle the flock of crows outside his window into taking flight.

Chip’s parents had been much less thrilled about him moving two whole states away to go work with aliens.

“Look, they’re perfectly safe,” Chip had said. “All the geologists agree they weren’t the ones who made the volcano go off. It isn’t their fault they were under it.”

“We’re not exactly worried about another volcano, Chip,” his mother had said. “Maybe the robots that regularly attack these robots. But even that aside, you’re young to go that far from home.”

“I’m seventeen,” Chip reminded them, exasperated. “Plenty of guys my age go to college across the country, or join the military.”

“We know, we teach them,” his dad said, voice very dry. “That’s not an endorsement.”

“I’m very mature,” Chip protested. “This is just like the work I’ve already been doing, except it’ll be further away and they’ll pay my room and board on top of the consulting fees.” He didn’t point out that he had enough saved from consulting that he could’ve bought himself a bus ticket and just gone on his own. He had a feeling that wouldn’t make them any more inclined to agree.

“And there could be evil robots lurking around for a chance to shoot at your workplace,” his mom said, tartly.

“I really think you’re focusing too much on the evil robots.”

What ended up winning his case was not actually any of his well-reasoned arguments but Naomi Witwicky. Her husband had been Chip’s second interview, over the phone, but Naomi came down in person from Oregon to meet with Chip’s parents, wearing a smart navy blazer like a visiting professor.

She had assured Chip’s openly skeptical mother and stone-faced father that she and her husband would be happy to board Chip at the house they were buying in Longview, Washington, that her husband had known the Autobots for several weeks already and trusted them completely, that she had a son only a few years older than Chip who had moved away himself to work for an old family friend so she understood the importance of having people you trusted near your kids.

“Well,” Chip’s dad had said, “That’s all good to know, but I’m sure you understand that we have...some extra reasons to be worried about Chip.” Like Chip hadn’t been in the room with him.

“Dad,” Chip had hissed. He’d had polio. He wasn’t even sick anymore, and people had been treating polio for years. It wasn’t like this was the 1920s, for cripes’ sake.

“I do understand,” Ms. Witwicky had said. “But Chip strikes me as a sharp young man who knows what he’s about.” Her mouth quirked as she took another sip of his mom’s terrible coffee without flinching. “Besides. I can assure you the workplace will be fully accessible to wheeled transportation.”

Chip decided he liked her.

[jayswritings13]

Helluva Boss: Moxxie x Swimmer!s/o Headcanons

Request: "Oh could you do either a one shot or headcanon of Moxxie with an s/o that loves swimming and water?" By @felixthecat13owo

Note:

Moxxie was never a huge fan of the ocean.

Or large bodies of water, really.

He learned how to swim when he was young, so it wasn't the fact that he couldn't swim

It was that he didn't exactly know what was in the water that freaked him out.

His thoughts run rampant with scenarios of what could go wrong.

"About 85% of the ocean is still undiscovered, (Y/N)! 85%!"

".....So that's a no to going to the beach, Mox?"

He'll still go with you, but will only go up to his waist in the water, refusing to go any further, even if you had swum far out.

Moxxie doesn't mind pools as much and is much more willing to go in more than the ocean.

If he's up for it, he often challenges you to races in the pool.

You always beat him, but there are a few times where it gets really close.

Moxxie is always there to time you if you're the type of swimmer who likes to improve your time and push yourself.

Moxxie is also more than willing to receive any tips that you might have for him, especially breathing control.

"All that great singers practice and improve their breath control, (Y/N)!"

"I don't think they practice that from swimming Mox. Don't they usually get some fancy coach to help them with that shit?"

".....But you're the best teacher."

Even though he's not actually interested in improving his time in the pool, you help him out with breathing control and anything else he is curious about.

Due to spending vast amounts of time at the local pool and occasionally ocean, Moxxie has gotten used to the smell of saltwater and chlorine.

But this doesn't mean Millie, Loona, and Blitzø have.

"What the fuck is that smell?" Blitzø exclaimed.

"......that would be me sir," Moxxie laughed nervously.

"Why would you come into work smelling like that!?"

"(Y/N) and I went swimming before work." Moxxie said, "I guess chlorine is a stronger smell than I thought."

"Fuck! Now, this whole office is gonna smell like the god damn pool!"

Blitzø, Millie, and Loona all make Moxxie sit next to an open window for the whole day.

From then on, Moxxie makes sure to have a spare change of clothes with him.

Moxxie tries to learn all about marine life. He wants to surprise you with facts that you might not know.

Moxxie also learns about different swimming techniques and common injuries swimmers can face, just so he's prepared.

Which honestly impresses you and some of it you had no idea about half of the stuff that Moxxie brings up.

"Did you know that there are more artifacts underwater than in museums....?"

"Wow, that's so c-"

"We only know about a fraction of the species underwater and are discovering new ones every day. I read about it the oth-" Moxxies said, pausing once he heard your laughter.

"Y'know for someone who takes a lot of convincing to even step foot into the ocean with me, you sure know a lot about it..." You grinned, leaning in closer to Moxxie, taking in every second of his bashful expression.

"..hehe... I guess I got a little carried away researching."

"Yeah, but it's cute. Tell me more...." You sighed as Moxxie continued on, rambling off more and more facts that he read while researching.

It honestly is so cute to watch Moxxie whenever he goes off like this.

"I love you, Mox." You smiled.

"Oh, uh," Moxxie stumbled a bit over his words, taken off guard by your sudden confession. "I love you too."

[cherry-toxic]

Fic writer questions!

I was tagged by @introvertia - thank you so much :) Your answers were really interesting!

How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 8

What's your total AO3 wordcount?

141754

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Four: Beyblade (gen fics mostly), Shizaya (Durarara), Grimmichi (Bleach), and Harringrove (Stranger Things).

I usually sit in a fandom for a quite a while before I actually start writing anything. I'm amazed by those people who can get stuck in right away (how do you do it!?!)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. end the fight; before the fight ends you

2. Bound to Happen

3. Year of You

4. Broken Boys and Butterflies

5. So come take a drink (And drown your sorrows)

All Harringrove aside from 'Bound to Happen' - which I'm rather surprised came in second because the Grimmichi fandom is waaaaay smaller than the Harringrove fandom.

'end the fight...' is also the only wip here. The rest are completed one-shots.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes and no. It depends. I want to respond because comments really do mean a lot to me and I love rambling with people, but I have issues with online communication. Like, sometimes I write out a response and when I read it back to myself my brain just goes 'no that's terrible you sound like an idiot delete it now' and then I go 'yessir you're completely right how silly of me.'

When it comes to wips, I tend to reply to every comment when I'm getting ready to post the next chapter, that way it's like a little heads-up - new stuff incoming soon!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Y'know as much as I love angst I actually prefer to have my fics end on a relatively positive note (angst with a happy ending is my shit).

But I suppose 'So come take a drink (And drown your sorrows)' is overall pretty angsty and I left the ending open so if I ever felt like continuing it I could do so easily.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've ever written?

Big nah. Kind of like AU fics, they just don't interest me that much.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, but it came from someone who was just making the rounds on a bunch of Harringrove fics and they were highly suspected to be an anti so it didn't really bother me that much because I knew they were trolling.

I've had a few like, vague comments/back-handed compliments that got under my skin a bit though.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, occasionally I do. Generally I'd say I'm pretty vanilla, but I am currently writing an a/b/o fic, though I think it might go under non-traditional a/b/o because, again, vanilla lol

My smut usually comes with a lot of introspection, like they'll be doing the deed and one of them will be internally streaming a 5000+ word monologue (I do this with Grimmjow sometimes because he's a big virgin who views sex as silly human nonsense).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Parts of a fic, yes. I came across this fic that was clearly plagiarizing from several different authors (they forgot to change the characters names and everything) and I found entire paragraphs that were copy/pasted straight from one of my fics.

The thing is, this was over 10 years ago, something I wrote when I was... seventeen, maybe? So... I don't get why they copied it because it was pretty bad to be honest...

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, an old one called '10 Miles in Your Shoes' (beyblade) although it was never completed because well, firstly, I never completed the original, and secondly, when the translator asked me how long I was planning on it being I said around 20-30k and uhhh... lets just say I overshot that by a mile!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. While I think it would be interesting to try I honestly don't know if I could give up control like that!

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Hard to say because I tend to go for characters over ships. Like, I got into Grimmichi because of Grimmjow and Harringrove because of Billy.

But since Grimmjow is my all-time favourite character then, I guess Grimmichi, but Harringrove is definitely a close second because the fandom has spoiled me rotten with all their amazing fics (in terms of reading material, Harringrove is my fav).

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

'10 Miles in Your Shoes' - the bodyswap fic.

It's been a long time since I engaged with anything related to beyblade but I have a lot of fondness for this fic because it was the second I ever started writing and it was the fic that allowed me to truly grow as a writer. There's a huge improvement from the first to the most recent chapter (most recent being 5 years ago...) to the point where it looks like it could have been written by two different people, and I received so much positive feedback and encouragement throughout those years. I wish I had it in me to go back and finish it off but I struggle enough while writing for my current obsessions so it's looking more and more unlikely...

At the very least, I think I might transfer it to AO3 since ff.net seems to be slowly going under. Even if I never complete it, I don't want it lost forever.

What are your writing strengths?

This might sound ridiculous but I don't know? I always feel like I'm winging everything!!

I guess. One thing I've been complimented on a lot is my ability to portray messy (for lack of a better word) situations in a realistic way. I've been asked a few times if I've ever studied psychology and -

Nope

Just winging it!

What are your writing weakness?

EDITING!!!

I really should get a beta because I miss so many stupid little mistakes, like - okay - I always used to write in past tense, it was never something I even thought about, past tense was just the default. And then suddenly, around 2017/18, I began transitioning to present tense completely unconsciously and now every time I re-read 'Bound to Happen' I get angry because I bounced between tenses all the way through that fic and I didn't even notice until a year after I posted it.

Also. Incredibly slow. Lack of consistency. Perfectionist until I get stuck and then I feel like you can spot exactly where I lost momentum. Utterly hopeless when it comes to descriptions of setting/scenery. I don't think I'm very good at building atmosphere either. Dialogue, although I am improving at that.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I can't say I really have any thoughts on this? I don't do it much myself.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Beeeeyblaaade! I was fifteen when I wrote my very first fic (now deleted because it was awful!)

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh god, this is hard!

If we're talking completed fics only, then probably 'Year of You'. That was my I-Do-Not-Accept-Billy's-Death fic but I WILL take all of the angst material from S3 and ride it hard.

If we're including wips, then both 'end the fight...' and 'metamorphosis' are probably my favourites right now.

'End the fight...' is my BIG Billy redemption fic which I started plotting out not long after S2 and there's so many scenes I'm looking forward to writing (yeah I know its been a while since i last updated but the past year has been rough okay)

'Metamorphosis' is the a/b/o fic which I was kind of nervous about at first because its not a trope that i read a lot of but i'm enjoying how its turning out so far!

Whew! That was a lot!

I'm tagging: firstly, whoever wants to do it because I like reading about peoples writing experiences (make sure to tag me!) And then: @shadowthorne @bentnotbroken1fanfiction @callieb @backwardshirt @memes-saved-me @murderlight @magniloquent-raven @aeon-of-neon @louhetar

[9tzuyu]

the art of delicate hands – pt. i

[ wandanat. ]

College AU.

Multiple part series ;

↳ snippets of their relationship and how I perceive them.

sumary:

wanda doesn't like to talk very much, only to her brother (and sometimes her lovely redheaded girlfriend).

notes:

if anyone international is reading this, ASL is shortened for american sign language (language of the hands).

+

this is a revised and edited version from when i wrote it on ao3 in 2018.

The only person that knew was Pietro. It was her little secret, and she could only hope that no one now would find out. She knew she shouldn't be ashamed, it was nothing to be ashamed over. Unsurprisingly however, it became her biggest insecurity – years of relentless bullying ensued that.

Wanda was always anxious. When she was seven she began experiencing panic attacks. The metallic taste of blood in her mouth became familiar over time as her panic attacks worsened.

All because she was mute and didn't feel comfortable to speak to anyone, including her parents. The only person Wanda felt comfortable enough to talk to was her brother (you could say that's because they're twins).

A doctor in Sokovia mentioned to Wanda's parents that therapy may help, that it may get her to speak more than four words a week. So her parents moved her when she was 16 and hoped for the best.

Within a year and a half Wanda was able to develop a clear understanding of American Sign Language. Eight months into the move and Wanda's parents had given up on Wanda ever talking, something that she took personal. They didn't catch on to English as quick as the twins did, their native language stuck closer than expected. Pietro didn't mind learning English quickly as he wanted to fit in school, and he also didn't mind studying ASL to communicate with Wanda on a deeper level.

American high school wasn't much better than her hometown. People talked, whispered and gossiped about her in class, muttered hurtful things about her appearance and the way she carried herself; a shy, quiet, timid girl. The worst part of it was when they mocked her for using a language that was supposed to feel safe for her. Pietro always came to her rescue, shooing people away, reminding them that she's his sister. The silver haired boy had no problem fitting in, it was only when they were apart did people tease the younger brunette.

When their parents died, Wanda took the brunt of the emotional attack it had on the twins. She'd been sitting in the backseat of the car, earbuds in, with her music volume at maximum capacity. Her father had tried to tell her to turn down the music while her mother rest in the passenger seat, window down with her eyes closed. When Wanda didn't hear her father, he reached over, eyes off the road, and tapped her. The second she registered his touch a semi-truck hit her father's door. In a matter of minutes Wanda and Pietro both were left alone to fend for themselves.

Putting the blame on herself only caused her to shut down further. It took over a year for Wanda to speak to Pietro again.

But as per usual, the twins stuck together and finished high school. The only difference was that they lived in foster care, they belonged to the state, up for grabs if anyone wanted them. That came to an end six months into their stay. The foster family proposed the idea of adoption, they had no problem in taking care of the twins for the rest of the time being – or, if they wanted, every day after as well.

At twenty, Wanda and Pietro eventually both went to college and shared a house with a bundle of other people on campus. The younger sibling even found herself a girlfriend within the group, her name being Natasha Romanoff.

Natasha didn't mind at all how little Wanda talked. She was curious, of course, but even before their relationship Nat never pushed her girlfriend into anything uncomfortable. Natasha could tell Wanda always made effort though, that's what drove the brunette into allowing herself a relationship.

When the redhead would sleep, Wanda would continuously practice signing. She'd sign songs and poems, movie scripts and books, everything she possibly could to improve herself. It was a very personal, in touch form of language for her.

Wanda had been with her girlfriend a little over a year and Natasha still didn't know all the unpleasant factors that came about her life. Wanda only told her just enough to get by, and she felt immensely guilty for that. Truth was she desperately wanted to tell Natasha, she just didn't know how. She'd thought about just signing something to her and hoping she would catch on, but figured that would be too much. Anxiety spiked in her chest and in her bones, and she was tired of feeling like a liar.

With a sigh, Wanda plopped down on her bed and pulled her phone out from her back pocket. Unlocking it, she went to her text messages and scrolled to Pietro's contact. When she was sure no one else was in the house, she tapped the call button and listened to the phone ring until Pietro answered.

"You know I'm in the other room, right? You literally could've called my name." He greeted, accent heavy through the speaker.

Wanda giggled as she ran her fingers through her hair. You're safe. Speak, it's okay. She reminded herself.

"Yeah, but are you free?"

"Always."

"Can you come here? I need to ask you about something." Pietro gave out a loud, playful sigh but walked to her room, disconnecting the call on his way in. "What is it, my dear sister? What could possibly be troubling you here on this day? Is it that scruffy redhead?" He smirked arrogantly but sat down in the desk chair across from Wanda, not failing to notice how she rolled her eyes.

"She doesn't have scruffy hair and you know it. It's soft, gentle – and much less damaged than your shit show of an excuse for bleached hair."

"Whatever you say, little chaos."

Wanda groaned, "Why must you still call me that?"

"It suits you well."

There was a shared moment of silence between the two before Pietro spoke up. "What was it you wanted to ask me about?" A small frown was plastered on Wanda's face and Pietro found himself wanting to know even more now. Wanda waited another minute before finally answering. "Should I tell her? You know, about..."

A huge smile took over her brother's face. He was ecstatic that she wanted this for her girlfriend. "Of course you should! I really think she'd be interested to know more about you – y'know, since you don't ever tell her anything."

"I tell her things!" Pietro shook his head, "Does she even know your birthday?" Wanda nodded and turned herself away from him. "I just don't know how to do it. I mean it'd be kind of heavy just taking her out to dinner only to tell her my deepest, darkest secret afterwards. I'm scared she'll hate me, Pietro! And I've never even spoke. More than like, 12 sentences all at once with her!" He softened knowing how much trouble one past  had caused his little sister. "Write her a note?" He suggested, but she shook her head. "I want to tell her, not write her."

Right before he was about to speak again there was a knock at the door. The pair looked up to find Natasha standing in the doorway smiling down at the two. "Am I interrupting?"

Wanda froze while Pietro arrogantly raised his eyebrow and announced his answer. "No. We were just finished talking."

Confusion was written on Nat's face and she stood there until Wanda shook her head and muttered a small "No," giving her the signal that she could come in.

"I'll be in the other room if you need me." Pietro got up, despite Wanda's silent plea for him to stay. He gave her a thumbs up and left the room.

Natasha closed the door and laid next to Wanda, wrapping her arms around the younger woman. "You okay?" Wanda nodded in reply and Natasha knew not to push. For now she'd just keep an eye on her, reassuring her that she could talk to her if need be.

Over the next few days Wanda seemed to be doing better. She was supposed to go to a party with Nat, but opted out to study for classes instead.

"Be safe," she whispered and planted a small kiss on Natasha's lips.

Everyone else went to the same party, leaving the house to just Wanda. She sent out a group message telling everyone to text her or ring her (at the very most importance) if they needed a ride. Wanda didn't drink much anyways so she didn't mind being the designated driver of the bunch. And besides, she didn't mind having some time alone, it gave her the absence of the boys so she could study.

However, after over an hour or so of studying Wanda was beginning to feel stressed. Her nerves were building and she could feel her jaw clench.

She needed a break.

With a small sigh, she got up and connected her phone to her speaker. After scrolling and clicking on her song of choice, Wanda found herself signing the words to a Modest Mouse song.

Green eyes closed as her hands began to string along with the words of the song. It was rather fast paced, but Wanda was able to keep up fairly well thanks to years of practice. Lyrics flowed through her fingertips and in the palms of her hands, her stress levels immediately decreasing as she went on.

Unbeknownst to her, however, Natasha was standing in the doorway watching her every move. She was absolutely mesmerized by Wanda's hand motions. Her finger spelling was very fast, and Natasha was curious to know how long Wanda had known ASL.

When the song was over, Wanda stopped her music and moved herself so she could study again. She grabbed her pens, pencils and highlighters, along with her textbook while her back faced Natasha.

"I didn't know you could sign." Natasha commented. A mix of shock and uneasiness quickly took over the calm look on Wanda's face.

It wasn't until then when Tasha put two and two together. She quickly rushed over to her girlfriend, and carefully engulfed her into a hug.

"Hey, no, I think it's really cool. You don't have to worry now, your secret's safe with me." Wanda began to shake in her grasp, tears forming in her eyes. She backed out of the embrace and against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest.

"No, you're supposed to hate me, laugh at me. You're supposed to be anything but be cool with it." Natasha tilted her head, "Is that what they did to you?"

Wanda peaked out from underneath her arms, the confirmative nod sent Natasha's heart well beyond sinking. She’d never understand how people could willingly be so cruel.

"I'm here to listen, not judge." Her words softly echoed in Wanda's mind, and she watched Natasha carefully to see if she was lying. When she didn't make any remarks or snide comments, Wanda knew it was safe. Accent heavy, she began letting words slip from her mouth.

"I have really bad anxiety when it comes to talking, so I just don’t. Asl makes it easier to communicate, but growing up I was often teased for it. You’re really good at reading me without it, so I hid it from you. Guess their words still haunt me...” Wanda finished, giving Natasha a little more insight on her life.

Natasha moved closer to her girlfriend, bringing Wanda’s shaking body into her embrace. She then kissed the top of her forehead.

Wanda looked up to see Natasha thinking, her eyebrows scrunched together and she was chewing on her lip. She nudged her.

“I think it’s quite beautiful if you ask me.” Wanda cracked a smile and rest her head on Tasha’s shoulder. “Beauty comes from pain, I guess.”

But Natasha shook her head, “No, No, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Wanda nodded. She understood what Natasha was saying, she just didn’t believe it to be true when it came to herself. Nonetheless, she spoke the words, repeating the mantra so that maybe she could start to feel a belief in them.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

[dangan-meme-palace]

Kaede had so much potential to be a great protagonist. The first thing that really got me invested on her is that she is flawed and she recognizes that and tries to do better unlike SOME people. I relly liked that instead of pretending she didn't do anything wrong, Kaede owned up to her mistake and apolagized to everyone. I think she would have been a great influence on the others characters, especially on Shuichi and maybe even on Maki helping them slowly improve wo forcing them like Kaito

Oh boy this is gonna be my least popular take ever haha

I don't agree but I don't disagree?

It's not like she'd be worse or whatever, but I don't think that she would be the amazing, show-stopping protagonist that everyone hypes her up to be either, and that she would be better off dead as horrible as that sounds.

I understand that Shuichi went downhill after Chapter 1 and was a major disappointment because of his whole character arc with Kaito that made him dumb and never learn a single lesson but I dont feel as though Kaede would do any better or that Kaede would have been able to escape the writers' wrath if she had been intended to live.

Basically there are two or three major problems with Kaede becoming a full-time protagonist instead of dying:

She has limited room to develop because she only has two major traits (being pushy and believing in people) to work with, traits that don't work well with the established writing style of dragging things out for way too long, and if the second problem was avoided then she would have had to develop into a different character entirely which I doubt fans would have been happy with.

Also if she didn't become the blackened and have that moral greyness going for her and if she hadn't gone against her own philosophy of "we won't kill each other" in such a cool, satisfying way I would have literally 0 reason to be interested in her, personally. Not a huge problem for most, but for me it's critical to my enjoyment of her character.

Anyway, the first and second problem are problems that stem from the writers. Kaede as we know her wasn't made with the idea of having her live for a long time, so having traits to develop for a long time just wasn't important to making her and I promise you that it would Show if she had survived.

The V3 writing team really loved to stretch out Shuichi's flaw of not having confidence, to the point where even when he gained confidence and learned a lesson in one chapter he would lose it and forget the lesson in the next just for the sake of stretching out his arc, making him seem inconsistent and lowering his overall quality, and I guarantee if Kaede had been left alive they would've done the same thing to her. This is incredibly Bad News not just because she would be as grating as Shuichi, but because her flaws Need to be Solidly worked on and can't be waffled around like Shuichi's.

Kaede's specific flaw of being very stubborn would have to be stretched out, you see, so that moment you liked where Kaede owned up to her shit? She would immediately go back on her word and clash with the group again in a long, tedious cycle throughout the game just like Shuichi. This is awful because Shuichi's flaw was never something he needed to be sorry for, it's not something that affected other people, but Kaede's flaw would definitely affect the group because that's what it does inherently and that's what it Did in the game.

What good is an apology to someone if you keep doing the thing you said you wouldn't do? But that's how things would have to be if she were the protagonist because the writers were obsessed with it even though it was ruining Shuichi.

Personally speaking, if Kaede had apologized for negatively affecting the group only to keep doing the thing that negatively affected the group over and over again I would have hated her. It's just not satisfying to watch a character continuously fuck up and never truly learn their lesson despite how glaringly obvious it is that they need to work on their shit for the sake of the people around them. It's the reason I hated Kaito's character and it would be the reason I'd hate Kaede.

Especially because of what is the most probable source of her stubborn clashing with the cast, her Only Other Trait: her stubborn belief that no one would kill each other during the killing game. Oh my god it would be a nightmare, I'm telling you.

If we keep having her believe in everyone despite the obvious, effectively making her as braindead as Kaito—

And let me just say that we really don't need another Kaito, especially when the cast eventually starts acting just like him, we need the opposite of Kaito, like Maki in Chapter 1 or Kokichi or Rantaro.

— then it would be really disappointing because having Kaede become Kaito 2.0 would make no sense. It didn't make sense when Kaito did it and it wouldn't make any sense for Kaede to do it either. In fact it might be worse.

Kaito is a big dumbass, so at the very least we would expect him to be dumb, but Kaede is actually somewhat intelligent (despite falling for the despair road trap like a looney toons character) so seeing her keep denying the situation and all common sense, making her seem dumber and dumber, would be so frustrating to see.

And if she didn't do that, if she accepted the reality that her belief in people turned out to be wrong as the bodies kept piling up, I think she would become an entirely different character with a much more hopeless arc, and unfortunately this would be more realistic than the previous option.

It's literally the only logical conclusion to her No, We Won't Kill mentality because it would be proven to her Over and Over again through each chapter that Yes, They Will Kill and it would have to wear her down eventually because unlike Kaito, Kaede actually has a fucking brain and can't deny the reality and the situation forever, unless the writers made her as dumb as a rock as with the previous hypothetical, which I really wouldn't forgive them for.

This isn't even me just making it up either, it happens in the canon story when Monokuma gives out the first motive and Kaede yells something about no one killing each other with a nervous face and Monokuma says that he doesn't need her Lies, meaning she was already doubting everyone. If it was already getting to her Before the murders, she would have gotten so much worse after the bodies started hitting the floor and that would lead to development, just not anything positive.

The only way for her established character to realistically play out would be for Kaede to have a character arc about learning to Not believe in people, which would change her character entirely (because her whole character is about believing in people and forcing them to cooperate with each other) and also just be super depressing. At least Shuichi's poorly written arc ended on a hopeful note, meanwhile Kaede would have to learn to doubt and distrust others.

So even if she had lived, she would end up becoming a different character than the Kaede fans fell in love with and end up becoming as dissatisfying as Shuichi (although in a different way) unless you're really into depressing stories about characters losing faith in others, in which case it would be great, for all five of you.

If you're not fully convinced that this would change her character (in a debatably horrible way), imagine Kaito going through the same arc as the one above– it's hard to imagine, right? Because the concept of believing in people is thoroughly baked into his character to the point that to change it would mean to make him a completely different person and scrap his old personality unsatisfactorily.

All of this to say:

I don't think that Kaede would have been any better off as a protagonist than Shuichi was. She was written into a futile corner since the moment she was conceived by the writing team and she was better off dead, if only for the fact that she was saved from the writers by dying off too quickly for them to ruin her.

At least if she's dead I can have good memories of her character and think of my own ideas for her, y'know? If they ruin her, she's ruined for good and we can't go back.

[maybeeatspaghetti]

1) I'm not sure if this has been asked before, but do you have fics that you haven't posted, or don't plan on posting? If so, and if comfortable with sharing, are there any particular reasons, be it the content, how it's written, etc?

2) Somewhat generic question, but as someone who is interested in writing, be it fanfiction/smut (possibly?) or otherwise, do you have any tips? I know that reading more is the big one, but y'know.. still.

Have a great day/night! ♡

1) I have three fics that I haven’t posted and don’t plan to post. Two are short fics that are so similar to fics I’ve already posted that it would be redundant if I did post them. The third one is a 150k novel that was a Whizzvin fic, but the characters changed so drastically as I wrote the book that I changed the names and developed them into different characters. Maybe it’s a little bit selfish, but I wanted to keep that one for myself and not share it. And I actually cut down the sex scenes, to make it less about sex and more about the story—so instead of four or five sex scenes, I cut it down to two and rewrote it to sound more like Warm Baths, where there are no typical erotica words (like “cock” or “thrust” or “hard”) it’s more about feelings than anything else. 

2) Write, write, write. That’s the biggest tip, and I know it gets thrown around a lot to the point of “I’ve heard this so many times already,” but it’s because it’s true. If you’re starting out writing and you look at it and think, “this is terrible” and you stop writing forever, then you’ve prevented yourself from ever getting better. The more you write, the better you’ll be. I’ve been writing for 15 years, and I can tell you, the writing I did when I was in middle school is horrific. It’s really bad. And I got marginally better in high school, and a lot better in college, and even better now, beyond college, when I’ve really been able to develop my voice without being encouraged to write a specific way by my teachers and professors. So allow yourself to write badly.

Write and get feedback. It’s not as easy to improve if you’re writing into a vacuum and you’re the only one seeing your work. As hard as it may be, share your work with other people; let them tell you what works and what doesn’t. If you’re uncomfortable sharing your writing with people you know, look for beta readers on the Internet. Feedback is key to helping you grow as a writer.

Yes, reading is important, but I’d rank it lower than writing. Reading helps get a sense for how authors structure their sentences, pace their stories, weave in subplots, and split their chapters, but ultimately, I personally lean much more heavily on the writing than I do on the reading, though I do read, just not as much as some authors. Some authors say to be a good writer you must 1) read x number of books a year, 2) read with a pen in your hand, and 3) read “good” works of literature only. I disagree with all of those: 1) There’s no certain number of books you have to read a year that makes you a reader or a writer. Go at your own pace and read how much you want to. I know some people good-naturedly compete to see who can read more books, but if that’s not the way you work, then don’t feel bad about not reading as much as other people. 2) Taking notes while you read doesn’t necessarily make you a better writer. If you like marking up texts and it works for you, go for it! And I do it sometimes (my Falsettos script... there’s hardly any white space left), but it can make you feel like you’re at school when you do mark in the books or take notes, and that might kill your interest in reading it. Just by reading (without taking notes or writing in the text), you’ll unconsciously absorb a lot of information about what makes a story work. 3) “Good” is subjective. What’s considered “good” by the people who say things like this is usually confined to the literary canon. And while I agree that some knowledge of the literary canon is valuable, there are so many wonderful works beyond it that are just as good. So when people talk about “good literature,” they’re usually deliberately denigrating and stepping on everything beyond the literary canon (which excludes a huge range of diverse works/voices). So don’t listen to them. There’s plenty of good literature outside the literary canon, and who’s to say something they personally didn’t like isn’t good? It’s all about personal taste. So read what you want, be it novels or nonfiction or comics or manga or fanfiction—whatever it is, it can be valuable to you as a writer.

Going back to writing—sometimes, you just have to write something bad to get it out and then take it out and start afresh, and I know that takes extra time and effort, but sometimes you need to do it. For example, I was writing a serious story about depression and I just couldn’t keep from writing a specific scene in a humorous way. So I wrote the scene that way, with a completely different feel and tone and pacing to the rest of the story, and then copied and pasted it somewhere else and went back to the beginning of the scene. Once I had gotten that awkward funny stuff out of the way, I could write it seriously. 

I’ve never been particularly good at plot, as I’m a much more character-driven writer, so I’m afraid I can’t offer too many tips about that. I usually let my characters lead the story, no matter whether it’s a short piece like what I mostly post on AO3 or it’s a longer, more involved piece like What a Wonder You Are.

In terms of writing smut... let me tell you—my first attempts at writing smut about five years ago were dreadful, and I actually gave up until this summer, when I jumped right off the deep end into my Shameless Whizzvin Smut series. And I’d grown a lot since the last time I tried to write it, and I did my research and tried to focus on the language and the emotions over the actual acts themselves (though some fics require a level of detachment, like Pretty Little Thing, where the fic is about the acts rather than the emotions), and I thought I did alright. And in the last four months, I’ve gotten better.

If you want to learn how to write good smut, turn to fanfiction authors. I have rarely read a good sex scene in a published, literary, mainstream novel (but for god’s sake, don’t read Fifty Shades of Grey; I know that was fanfiction, but it really doesn’t depict healthy or safe sex in any way—The Atlantic article “Consent Isn’t Enough” is great at explaining why). A lot of novels do the “fade to black” type scene where they cut away just as the characters are falling into bed together (Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin is a “fade to black,” but it’s done really masterfully). But if you want to learn how to write good smut, read fanfiction and remember that you can write smut that’s sexy without foregoing safety, communication, and consent. 

There’s kind of a fine line between what’s sexy and what’s absurd, and it’s all too easy to step over the line into the absurd, and this is sometimes as basic as word choice—if you say “his cock was flushed and quivering,” it sounds much better than “his flushed and quivering manhood” or “his flushed member was quivering.” If you’re going for the absurd, then use all the ridiculous words you want (manhood, member, manmeat, prick, rod, love muscle, meat stick, loins, etc. etc. etc.)! Just know it’ll be more amusing than sexy and people will probably make fun of it. But if that’s what you’re going for, then go all out! 

If you’re wanting some more specific advice about writing in general or smut writing, you’re welcome to send an ask or message; this response would get entirely too long if I were to go into more detail here. 💕

[skyfallensoldier]

Mobile Navigation || Rules & Mun ↓

DISCLAIMER: I just want to note here at the beginning that while I am considering this RP blog to be historically based, i.e. remaining true to the time period and overall details of John Laurens' biographical information and whatnot, I do not consider myself a historically accurate blog, not entirely. Historical fiction is a well known genre of literature and many, MANY creative liberties are taken within that genre. Think of this blog like you would if you saw an Anastasia Romanov blog. She's dead, we know she didn't survive, and she's been dead a long-ass time; so has Laurens. People still have included her in many works of fiction, even after her body was identified and it was proven she did not survive her family's massacre. I saw a romance book a couple of months ago where she survived that was recently published. Historical fiction, while a controversial thing at times, is a legitimate form of literature.

You don't have to tell me if you think John isn't acting exactly like the real man himself would have, I know that. I'm not going to call John my 'perfect sunshine boy cinnamon roll' or dismiss the privilege he was raised on due to his father, I'm aware he was a real person who had his own personality, virtues and prejudices. I won't deny that while he was certainly a progressive thinking man for the time he grew up in he definitely still had racist thoughts and actions that were indicative of his upbringing. But I'm not on here to debate modern, real life politics, or get into arguments about whether he was a good abolitionist or not. At the end of the day, this is still a hobby for me, and I'm writing for fun.

Basically, don't take it too seriously. I'm a 21st century bisexual woman writing from the POV of an 18th century (likely gay) male soldier, the way I write him is obviously not going to be a perfect representation of who he was. I know he wasn't an amazing, perfect person, but I've still chosen to write a fictionalized version of him for my own entertainment. Please try to respect that; thank you.

Mun Stuff

Name: Luna Gender: Female (She/Her or They/Them) D.o.B: July 23rd, 1996 Age: 24 Nationality: Canadian Sexuality: Bisexual Timezone: Eastern Time (US & Canada) Activity: Daily BIOGRAPHY (SORT OF)

Hello, there! You can call me Luna! I've been interested in writing ever since I first got the internet when I was 14 and discovered FanFiction.Net and now I'm an aspiring author and Roleplay enthusiast. If you include acting/talking out DnD like games with friends then I've been 'roleplaying' since the fifth grade, but I like to think there's always room for improvement. If you ever want to chat I'd love to make a new friend or plot out a roleplay, so don't be afraid to shoot me an ask or send me a private message. Just because my muse can be a jackass doesn't mean I am! I’m a huge advocate for mental health, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t ever hesitate to reach out! Some of my hobbies including literature and writing (of course), digging into mythology from various cultures, practicing solitary eclectic paganism/new age spirituality, drinking tea, and collecting crystals/minerals.

Please note that for the sake of disclosure, I am considered ‘Neurodivergent’, in that I suffer from ADHD, diagnosed at about age six, and have Anxiety and Depression which are directly tied to it. This doesn’t often effect my life on here, but I sometimes have an unpredictable sleep schedule (stay up all night, sleep in late into the morning, etc). I’m usually quick to reply to threads for the most part! I work every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 7pm in addition to odd jobs here and there, during which time I won’t have access to the Internet. The rest of the week I’m on and off all day basically, so you can feel free to contact me any time.

RP Style

⭐️ Please use basic spelling/grammar/punctuation when you RP with me. I'm not a drill sergeant about these kinds of things, I know that typos happen, and if you have a vision problem or such we can absolutely find a way to work around that, I also have no problem roleplaying with people whose first language is not English, so that's totally fine and I’m happy to accomodate in whatever way I can, but it does make it a little difficult to play with you if I don't know what you're trying to say. For this reason I prefer if you not use any text shorthand (lol, idk, brb, jk, etc) unless our muses are messaging each other. Using it in the tags is fine.

⭐️ I roleplay Laurens in a past-tense 3rd Person Point of View (think story-telling format), and generally I don't use icons or text formatting unless I notice my partner does, then I will try to match their style (for example if you use icons and small-text, I will try to do the same, though because formatting isn't possible on mobile, any mobile replies might take longer to be posted than if I were on my laptop). If you have any issues with how I'm writing or need me to adjust my style for any reason don't be afraid to ask.

Contact

⭐️ If you spam me with messages over and over again about something I haven't replied to, chances are I'll drop the thread. I don't mind being reminded because I know Tumblr's notifications are notoriously unreliable sometimes, and humans can forget/lose things, but if you keep poking at me after I've acknowledged you the first and second time, I won't be pleased. Things can get busy on here, or in real life, or sometimes you're just lacking muse for that particular thread, y'know? It doesn't mean I hate you and don't want to RP, I'm almost always up for plotting, but muse tends to fluctuate.

⭐️ My ‘Discord’ is available to mutuals upon request. I don't mind roleplaying on there if Tumblr is being glitchy or you're just not feeling up to formatted/heavily plotted threads, sometimes Discord is fun in that you can do immediate replies without needing the effort of putting icons and formatting into it. I also have a Kik but I never use it. I don't RP in Tumblr's IMs, that's purely for OOC interaction.

⭐️ I also occasionally stream movies/TV shows in group chats or play “in character” Cards Against Humanity game nights, Among Us, etc. If you’re interested, lemme know, I’m always looking for more people to hang out with!

Important

I have no actual triggers that I'm aware of, although snakes do creep me out (mostly shots of them coiled up or images of their pupils), but there are some things I will not roleplay personally for comfort reasons:

⭐️ Cannibalism. You can mention it, for example I won't freak out if someone tells my muse that somebody else ate a person (he might, assuming its not a Supernatural type verse), but I won't RP him engaging in cannibalism, not even in AUs (blood-drinking vampires are fine). I'm just not sure I could stomach writing about eating people. I managed to watch Hannibal, barely, but writing about it? Nah. I can handle lots of horror, gore and disturbing content but not this. Sorry.

⭐ Incest/Pedophilia. I do not SEXUALLY ship with characters under the age of 18. John is not attracted to children, and would never consider sleeping with someone much younger than him.

⭐ I will not write anything sexual with muns who are under 18 years old, even if your muse is an adult. I'll still ROLEPLAY with you if you are under 18 but probably no younger than 16 just because things tend to get explicit on my blogs and I don't want to be accused of corrupting the youth with my foul language and weird opinions, lol. Seriously though, this blog covers a lot of dark subjects and while I’m all for minors exploring that safely through writing rather than in real life, some people aren’t comfortable with interacting with under age people for legal or personal reasons, please respect that.

⭐ Necrophilia. Just... no. Vampire threads don't count, as they're undead and not 'dead dead'.

⭐ Rape. I won't write it with you. I'm okay with mentions of rape, with rape/sexual assault survivor/recovery plots, and even with one character intervening to rescue another from an attempted sexual assault (if an attempted assault does occur, it will be thoroughly tagged and under a cut). I'm fully open to discussing rape recovery/trauma plots as those are things that happen in real life, and it can be interesting to explore how a character reacts to trauma. But anything else is a no-go, sorry!

⭐ Please be aware that I write Laurens as a gay man. However! Because of the time period, violent homophobia and social stigma, he has slept with women before and may be seen flirting with or referencing relationships with women in the past. He is still gay, and still uninterested in being with women long term, he's simply closeted to all but a few individuals. So, unless your muse is Martha Manning (who Laurens DOES love in a manner, and he always will), shipping with female characters on here most likely isn't going to happen unless it's heavily plotted/developed and part of an overall plot, and you understand that it will not be a conventional sexual relationship. I'm sorry if that disappoints you but I've read Laurens as a gay male for so long I have trouble seeing him any other way.

⭐ I will not roleplay slavery plots. This is not up for debate. Roleplaying a highly fictionalized version of a long dead real person who existed during a troubling time is one thing, but I draw the line at that. For this reason, while I'll happily play with non-white muses, muses using non white faceclaims, and crossovers with characters of all sorts, I'll have to decline playing with any muse claiming to actually be writing slavery. There’s a difference between, say, roleplaying a character like Daenerys, a fictional character who was technically a slave-bride sold by her brother, and writing actual slavery from a very real, horrible time period. Slave ownership will of course be mentioned on this blog, that's unavoidable, but just like the mention of rape may happen on this blog from time to time, it will be in reference to a past event or speaking about the subject in general, not roleplaying a scene of it. Please respect this rule, I was hesitant to make this blog at first, because I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I won't glorify such a horrible real thing that happened to so many people.

Exclusives/Mains

Just a head's up, unless I develop a bunch of chemistry with a particular portrayal of a muse I'm not likely to agree to being exclusives with anyone, unless perhaps it's a very niche or divergent character that has formed a good relationship of some sort with John and I'd have trouble interacting with other versions of that muse. For major characters I just feel it would be unfair to say no to someone who I click with in every other way, solely because I have already befriended someone else writing that character.

I will, however, discuss becoming mains with someone whom I've either developed or plotted out detailed storylines/interactions with regarding our specific portrayals of our characters. This means that I tend to reply to them quickly when I'm online, or may make little gifts (moodboards, aesthetic things, mini ficlets, whatever) for them unprompted, have a verse dedicated just to them, etc. Even if it seems like we haven't done much on Tumblr, there may be a lot of off-site development on Discord or whatnot that led to us plotting out intricate stories for our muses.

Current Mains:

Alexander Hamilton - @quillborn​

DO

⭐️ Send private messages.

⭐️ Send my character asks/starters/memes.

⭐️ Tag me in things.

⭐️ Ask to plot or ship.

⭐️ Ask for angst, fluff, etc.

⭐️ Submit things to me & my muse.

⭐️ Do crack and other ridiculous things with me!

⭐️ Like my RP threads.

⭐️ Like my personal posts.

⭐️ Comment on my personal/OOC posts (if you want to).

⭐️ Comment on my crack threads.

⭐️ Instant Message (IM) me if you'd like to talk, whether we're friends already or not!

DON'T

⭐️ Send hateful messages to me about other people and especially my mutuals; doesn't count if it's about the muse and not the person playing them, however. Also, if I’ve got beef with someone for whatever reason, don’t harass them/send hate to them on my behalf, please. I don’t condone anonymous abuse, attacking others, or harassment. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself, I promise.

⭐️ Introduce yourself with ‘wanna ship?’ For one, I prefer if we’ve at least started a roleplay together, or have spoken OOC. Auto shipping doesn’t always work out and I hate promising people something only to realize there’s zero chemistry, because then I feel like I’m letting them down.

⭐️ Come into my inbox with just ‘wanna rp?’ and that’s it. Please at least have some idea of what you want to roleplay, it’s not very fun when someone approaches you to RP but then doesn’t offer up any suggestions at all. Remember, you are always free to send me memes, whether we’re mutuals or not, and hit me up for whatever plot you think might interest me! I want to hear about it!

⭐️ Spam me with "reminder" messages if I've already acknowledged you the first few times.

⭐️ Reblog my RP threads if you're not a participant in them.

⭐️ Send me anonymous OOC hate. Hate for Laurens is fine, it's just another form of roleplay.

⭐️ Kill off my character or severely injure/maim my character without permission or having plotted something involving that with me first.

⭐️ Follow me if you're a porn blog. I don't mind blogs that post NSFW content, or smut a lot, etc. I mean blogs that aren't for RP and are literally just a normal looking blog until you click on it and the header and first twenty posts are hardcore nudity and porn. I hate those things.

⭐️ Shame my ships.

⭐️ Complain about my tagging. I put my smut under a 'read more' without exception and tag them as "NSFW //" with two dashes. Things that are not necessarily graphic but still have sexual undertones go under "Suggestive //". I use these tags to avoid attracting attention from porn blogs and porn bots that track certain key words, as such I do not tag my content with "Smut" or trigger words such as "dick, oral, anal, nudity, etc", please block my NSFW and Suggestive tags if you're uncomfortable. Triggery subjects (mentions of rape, animal abuse, torture, mental illness) will be tagged under the name of said trigger with a space and two dashes, example: "Self Harm //", “Suicidal Ideation //” or "PTSD //".

⭐️ Godmod my character. If you’re not sure what is/isn’t okay, come talk to me! I don’t bite! If you’re looking for an example of god mod behavior, here: “X lunged at Laurens, taking him by surprise, and hit him square in the nose, causing blood to spurt.” It might not seem like a big deal but it means that you decided how your character’s actions affected my muse, and not only that, didn’t give him a chance to dodge or anything. Not cool.

⭐️ Ship with me without permission (sending in shippy asks is A-Ok if you're interested in exploring a ship between our muses, I'm talking about things like claiming that our muses are in a relationship without discussing it with me, referencing dates or sexual acts that never happened, etc. I ship mainly with chemistry otherwise things get boring fast.

⭐️ Assume/act like our characters know each other/are closely connected (friends/family/lovers) if we've never discussed it unless it is established in canon/history. This especially goes for original characters. I'm open to Laurens forming deep relationships with OCs obviously, but those have to be developed in character, not just assumed from the first interaction.

⭐️ Attempt to roleplay with me if you are not a roleplay blog/or if you're just trying to RP as "yourself." I don't do Character X Reader imagines stuff. I don't RP with 'fan' accounts, only RP blogs. You can still send asks so long as you're not trying to initiate an RP scenario. For example, asking Laurens what his hobbies are, asking for a blessing etc? That's fine. Spamming me with different actions "you" are talking to Laurens is weird. Stop that. I will also not RP with blogs that claim to roleplay as real life people, such as Markiplier, that's super creepy. This does NOT apply to "historical fiction" roleplay (obviously since that's what this blog is), which is considered its own genre of literature. I'm talking about the above where people will 'roleplay' as real life, currently alive people like YouTube celebrities and ship them with their friends, even if they've made it clear that they're uncomfortable with it. 

⭐️ Get angry at me for doing something you don't like if you don't even have a rules page for me to go by. It's not fair; you can't expect your partners to just read your mind and magically know how you feel. If something bothers you let me know, I’ll make a note about it so I avoid it during our interactions!

⭐️ Use me as a meme resource blog without ever interacting with me. I don't require "reblog karma" for you to follow me, partners are more than welcome to reblog from me, but if we never interact and I just occasionally see you reblog fifteen posts from my meme tag and then disappear again I'm not gonna be happy. Go to the source or to an archived blog no longer getting notifications, please!

⭐️ Reblog my Meta/Headcanons. If they're from a different blog it's fine but the ones I've personally written are for MY portrayal of Laurens. I work hard on most of my stuff and I'd prefer if you didn't reblog it, not because you aren't allowed to have the same headcanon ideas as me, but because then it ends up getting liked or reblogged by lots of other people, spamming my notifications, etc.

OCs & Multimuses

I love OCs and multi-muse blogs (I have my own multimuse sideblog over at @historyremembers, which has other 18th century characters including the Hamilton children and some OCs), so feel free to interact! That being said, please have an about page of some sort on your blog. I can't follow back blogs that have absolutely no information available regarding their character(s). I don't RP with OC children of Laurens. This is nothing personal, but I'm fairly certain he was gay in real life and prefer to play him that way, and he only had one child - who he never even got to meet - in real life, so it just wouldn't make sense to me for him to have other kids running around unless he'd adopted some. If you're a multimuse, I may not follow you back if I'm only familiar with two of your muses if you have a blog of fifteen characters, simply because I'd prefer to keep my dash clean and only have characters/fandoms I'm familiar with on it. I'll still RP with you if you have a character I'm interested in! I just might not follow back if the majority of your characters I do not know, I apologize for this.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, congrats! I know it couldn’t be easy (my ADHD brain was frustrated trying to just write all this up) but it’s necessary so there’s not misunderstandings on what I am/am not willing to RP. I won’t ask for a password since I trust most people to have the courtesy to at least skim the rules of those they want to RP with. 

Have a nice day!

[pertinax--loculos]

Charade

|| cuz all we are is what we're told / and most of that's been lies ||

[WIP: Hellbent]

Words: 1833

POV: Raleigh

Content Warnings: drug use (pills)

Context: Raleigh has Dash hidden in his pool house after Dash suffered an incident the previous night. Jasper has just warned him that Kennedy and Monica are on their way to see him.

Notes: Takes place very early in the Plot - this is only Raleigh's fourth or fifth interaction with Dash. And say hi to Kennedy! Unfortunately like 95% of her arc is spoileriffic, so I can't post a lot about her atm. :(

First draft, excuse typos and the fact I'm freaking in love with filler words etc etc. Also can't cut for the moment cuz can't figure out how to do read mores on mobile and don't have a computer eeeeek

Also related to this post.

***

[Raleigh] broke off as he heard the crunch of gravel from the front of the pool house. "That'll be them," he said. "Look, I've told them you're my cousin from out of town and you got into some trouble last night so I had to hide you down here. Okay?" He fumbled with the sliding door's latch, sudden anxiety making his fingers cumbersome.

"Them?" Dash sounded nonplussed.

"Kennedy and her friend Monica," Raleigh said over his shoulder, ducking back into the house just as there was a rap on the front door.

He took a moment just before he opened it, forcing the nervousness down and away and plastering a smile on his face.

"Hey guys!"

Kennedy smiled back as Monica weaved a little, clearly trying to look past him into the house. "Hey. Were you expecting us?"

"Yeah, Jaz called to let me know." He heard the porch door slide shut and stepped back, waving them in. "Sorry for all the secrecy, it's just if Mum and Dad find out what happened I'll never hear the end of it."

"What did happen?" Kennedy said. Raleigh managed to block Monica as she tried to dodge around them in the narrow hall.

"Um, it's kinda a long story," he said. "He got in, uh, kinda a scrape, so his face is a bit messed up. Just don't say anything, okay?"

That got him two skeptical looks; he decided to distract them before the questions started, striding into the main room.

"Anyway, guys, this is Daniel. Daniel, this is Kennedy, my girlfriend, and Monica. Another friend from College."

Kennedy stepped past him to approach Dash, who was watching her with an odd intensity. He ignored Monica as she joined Kennedy in front of him.

"Nice to meet you," Kennedy said cordially.

"Pleasure." Dash managed to make the word sound like the exact opposite of its meaning. Raleigh ran a hand through his hair to stop himself burying his face in his hands.

"Any family of Raleigh's is a friend of ours," Monica chirped, apparently oblivious to the tension crackling between the other two. She crept further into Kennedy's personal space, forcing Dash to drag his eyes away from Kennedy to her. "So what brings you to town?"

"Oh, y'know." Dash shrugged and swiped a hand over his face. "Church business."

"Oh?" Monica sounded unduly curious, nudging Kennedy away as she put herself more directly in his eyeline. "What kind?"

Raleigh opened his mouth to interject but Dash beat him to it.

"Our Chapter has been having a bit of trouble with our brainbent institution. Nothing serious, not yet, but Archbishop Nielsen is getting a bit concerned. Carcerum is not only the biggest institution in the country, but it's also the best run and the most secure. I'm in the process of being inducted into the Brotherhood, so Deacon Anthony decided that part of my exam would be to come over here and have a look at how Deacon McCarthy runs things, see if there's any procedures we could adopt to improve security."

Raleigh was glad the girls had their back to him, because he wasn't able to keep the shock off his face. He snapped his mouth closed but continued to stare at Dash incredulously. Not only was the story entirely feasible, but Dash had used absolutely perfect terminology and just the right combination of exasperated respect to sell the idea that, despite his apparent misbehaviour of the previous night, he was still a devout Member. If Raleigh didn't know better even he would've been fooled.

Dash's eyes found his over Kennedy's shoulder, and he smirked.

"Plus, I've picked up a few... bad habits, in recent years. I think Priest Canton is hoping that spending time with Raleigh will help."

Monica leaned forward. "Oh, I'm sure they're not all bad." She lowered her voice confidentially. "I could take some time to show you around, if you like. Show you... the ropes."

Raleigh seriously doubted Dash could miss the subtext of the suggestion. It was barely even subtext. He chewed the inside of his cheek, wondering how on earth he was going to mitigate this disaster. Everything he had learned about non-Members and their tendency for promiscuity leapt to the forefront of his mind. There was no way Dash would turn down an offer like that, and how on earth Raleigh would even begin to explain to Monica who he actually was-

"Thanks for the offer," Dash said. "But I'm good." He looked over her shoulder at Raleigh again. "Shall we go? I doubt the Deacon will be happy if I'm late."

Raleigh blinked. That was unexpected. It took him a couple of moments to find his voice. "Uh, yeah, sure. That's fine. Kennedy?"

He touched her elbow and she turned towards him, a slight frown on her face.

"Is that okay? If I drop... Daniel off at Carcerum first?"

"Hmm?" Kennedy stared at him for a beat before her expression cleared. "Oh, yeah, that's fine. It's not super urgent."

"Okay." Raleigh smiled at her and leaned in to press his lips to hers.

After a couple of moments the sound of a door slamming startled them apart. Raleigh glanced around the room, confused.

"Where's D- where'd he go?"

Monica was watching them with her arms crossed, an impatient look on her face. "He stalked out. Apparently he isn't a huge fan of the PDA either." She grinned suddenly. "He's so interesting! How come you've never mentioned him before?"

Raleigh rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh, y'know. It's hard to stay in touch sometimes. I've got enough family in town, if I tried to keep track of the out of town ones as well even I'd be hopelessly lost."

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a line form between Kennedy's brows again, but at least Monica seemed satisfied with his answer. "Fair enough. You have to give me his number though. Obviously he's paranoid about his Archbishop finding out he was goofing off, but if I can catch him at a more appropriate time..." She wiggled her eyebrows.

Kennedy swatted her arm. "My goodness Monica, you are hopeless. Come on, we'd better let Ra take care of his responsibilities. See you at the dorms?"

This last was addressed to Raleigh; he nodded, not quite trusting his voice, and followed them from the house.

Monica beelined directly for Dash, who was slouched against the hood of Raleigh's car, looking at his phone. He glanced up briefly in acknowledgement when she halted in front of him.

"So nice to meet you, Daniel," she said, holding a hand out to him. "I hope you get to stick around for a while."

Dash's gaze was still cool, but he shook her hand. "We'll see."

Kennedy leaned towards Raleigh. "He's a bit rude, don't you think?"

Raleigh shrugged a little, fishing his keys out of his pocket. "Honestly, I barely know him," he said. "Just doing the familial obligation thing. Though he was more relaxed with just the two of us. Maybe you guys make him nervous?"

Kennedy hummed a little, that tiny frown back on her face. Then she shook her head sharply and kissed his cheek. "See you soon."

"Sure will."

Raleigh watched both of them get into Kennedy's small red convertible, keeping his eye on that until it disappeared around the bend in the driveway, before he finally looked back at Dash.

He was watching him; to Raleigh's surprise he looked away before their eyes met. "We going or what?"

Raleigh unlocked the car and took a deep breath, tamping down his frustration and confusion before he angled in next to Dash.

"What the heck was that?" he said as he started down the driveway.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dash glance at him. He was still and silent for a beat before he shifted, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his pill bottle. "What was what?"

All of it. Raleigh stopped at the end of the driveway to look at him. Dash steadfastly avoided his gaze, his entire focus on tapping a number of pills out into his palm.

Baby steps. He still barely knew Dash, and there could be myriad reasons for his sudden caginess. Up to and including Kennedy and Monica's abrupt appearance genuinely making him nervous.

Raleigh pulled out onto the street. "Your story about the assignment for the Church. Where on earth did that come from?"

Dash threw the handful of pills into his mouth and helped himself to the bottle of water Raleigh kept in the cup holder. "Know your enemy."

"Know your- Dash, that was way more than just stuff you might've picked up that you thought could help someday. The Nielsens are a huge family, and I know there's at least one Archbishop among them. You didn't just pull that out of thin air."

Dash shrugged. He was facing away from Raleigh, staring out the window. "Or maybe your cult's whole hierarchy just isn't as unique or hard to figure out as you think it is."

Raleigh bristled at the word cult, biting down hard on the inside of his cheek to stop himself snapping. If he didn't want to talk about it, fine, but Raleigh wasn't going to be baited into starting an argument.

They were quiet for a few blocks.

"So, uh," Raleigh said, when the silence got too much for him, "What about Monica? I thought you'd jump at the chance to... you know, enjoy yourself."

Dash chuckled, a low, confidential sound that made Raleigh's fingers tighten involuntarily around the steering wheel. "She's not my type."

Raleigh glanced at him incredulously. "The totally hot chick who is clearly into you isn't your type? What, you mean you're one of those guys who only goes for blondes or something?"

Dash finally looked at him, and behind his bewilderment Raleigh was relieved to see the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Not exactly."

"Okay..." Raleigh frowned, trying to parse his meaning. "So what is it? Is she too tall? Too skinny?"

"It has nothing to do with body type." Dash was really amused now, laughing at some joke Raleigh wasn't in on.

"So what does it have to do with?" Raleigh eased the car to the curb in front of Dash's mansion, turning to look at him properly. His grin was infuriatingly wide.

"Like I said." Dash put his hand on the door handle. "Not my type. Thanks for the ride." He pushed the door open and climbed quickly out of the car.

Raleigh wound his window down. "Hey!"

Dash turned and raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're really not gonna tell me? You're just gonna, what, disappear and make me guess?"

"Damn straight, Pretty Boy." Dash winked at him and disappeared into the house.

Raleigh stared after him in utter bemusement for far too long, before he finally put the car back in gear and headed to the College.

[acjense-blog]

His Favorite Little Person | Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: mission goes wrong, Clint gets hurt and Tony gets angry with you. But only person who makes it his mission to comfort you. Warnings: angst, fluff, kiss kiss, Tony being a jerk, kinda. :) Word Count: 1.9k, it's a longy...sorry!! A/N: Bucky's beard is everything in life! Gif isn’t mine, credit to owner.

"It's all your fault y/n!" The words kept repeating themselves in your  mind as you arrived back at the tower after a failed mission. Clint was  hit bad by your minor distraction or as Tony accused - negligence. You  tried your best to explain the situation to Tony on the quinjet, but he  just shushed you the whole time, earning glares and disappointed looks  from your other teammates. Nobody spoke a word to you on your way back  to the compound, frustration filling in your chest, blaming yourself for  how stupid you are.

Your mission was to keep a look out for any hidden snipers or traps. And since Tony was the one who called your name to discuss something with you, it was at that moment Clint was hit in his side by a stray bullet. So technically, it wasn't your fault, right? Tony disagreed however.

Back at the compound, everyone made their way to the commons room, you  followed shortly behind to get some water from the refrigerator and some  snacks to take to your room just so you could give the team some space.   You sat alone on the barstool for a couple of minutes, taking the lid  off your water and taking a huge mouthful. The icy cold water felt good   trickling down your throat. A fist banging down on the kitchen island startled you, almost causing  you to choke to death. Tony's eyes piercing through your own, and for  once you were actually scared of the playboy. "Alright y/n, I'm going to  ask you this one time - what the hell happened back there?" He said in a  lowered voice, obviously not wanting to cause a major scene in front of  the team. You swallowed hard before answering, "I dont know Tony. I  just didn't see the guy because you were talki-" "BULLSHIT Y/N!" Tony roared, his voice booming through your ears and  throughout the tower. A thick lump formed in the back of your throat,  you swallowed it down harshly. Your breath obviously shaken with nerves, you couldn't believe he wasn't taking any responsibility for this, what was so urgent he needed to discuss with you on the field that couldn't wait until you were back at the tower?

"its bullshit!" Tony repeated in a normal voice, "you're just so  goddamn distracted on the field! If Clint died, it would have been on  YOUR CONSCIENCE!" Tony started yelling in your face, his breath fanning  your skin, you just sat there and took it hoping it would make him feel  better. "I'm so disappointed in you, you could have killed him. I hope  you're proud with your actions today. For the time being until your  training improves, you're staying behind at the tower. No more missions  for a minimum - A MINIMUM of six months!" He boomed, before you could  ask any questions, he strode out the door and joined the teammates on  the couch with a six pack of beer. You just sat on the stool quietly  with your thoughts, thinking about every word Tony just said to you. You   fiddled with the bottle cap in your fingers, an uneasiness feeling in   your chest. You never saw Tony so angry. But you did accept the   consequences, it just pissed you off he wouldn't let you speak. Now you were thinking of how you could escape from the kitchen area to your room without them seeing you, right now you just wanted to be alone  and you were sure everyone else had heard Tony yelling in your face. You heard everyone's voices in the room next to the kitchen, laughing  and joking, it seemed. You grabbed a couple bottles of water, and quietly  you paced from the kitchen heading straight to the door on the other  side of the commons room. As soon as you stepped out from the kitchen  you noticed everyone had stopped their conversations, you didn't dare  look in their direction. You just sped to the door that was now in front  of you, opening and closing it quickly behind you. Sighing in relief,  you decide to just take the stairs to your floor. At least there was no  risk of bumping into anyone. Three floors later, and you were finally on your floor. You were still  feeling apprehensive, and it worsened when you heard the elevator doors  slide open and close behind you, followed closely by big heavy booted footsteps.  "Doll?" You heard his voice, and without turning around you knew it was  Bucky Barnes, he was the only person in the tower to use such pet names with the ladies. Sometimes it bothered you, other times it made you  blush. You were not in the mood right now for such names. "Are you going  to yell at me too?" You asked turning your head slightly, keeping your  gaze to the floor. "Go ahead, I deserve it" you finished saying, turning  your head back in front of you, taking in a deep breath. Bucky wasn't  afraid to speak his mind, you had a feeling he would want to say  something to you, about your stupidity. But the yelling never came,  instead he stepped closer to you and pressed his bionic arm on your  shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. "I'm not going to yell at you,  doll" he said quietly, as if he knew the distress you were in. "But it's  my fault" you replied coldly, a tear finally rolling down your cheek.  The sound of your voice breaking broke Bucky's heart, if anyone understood what it meant to keep making mistakes it was him. Without   another word, you pressed on into your room. Hearing Bucky's footsteps   right behind you. "Sweetheart, every single person in the world makes  mistakes. It is not your fault, Tony just needed someone to blame. Clint  is going to be fine" he said gently, stepping further into the room.  The only sounds that filled the air was his bionic arm whirring, his  deep heavy breaths and your shaky ones. "But Tony hates me, everyone hates me. You hate me" you turned away from  the super soldier. His gaze burning into the back of your head. "No doll, I could never hate you. I'll always be here for you. I'll  always be here to protect you. You're my favorite little person, y'know?  Doll, please look at me" Bucky pleaded. You slowly turned around, his eyes were soft and his lips tugged up into a lopsided smile. "Did you just... did you just call me little?" You asked, dramatically  gasping playfully. A chuckle rumbled from Bucky's chest, echoing off the  four walls. Bucky stepped closer to you, closing the gap between your  bodies. It was hard to deny your feelings for the soft soldier, you noticed how  he seemed to favorite you. Always defending you, and picking your side  whenever you and Nat would have a disagreement about something. It was  hard for you to admit he was also your favorite person in the tower,  Bucky was supposed to be this mean, closed off man. And he is with other  people, but when he's around you, he laughs, jokes and is a completely different  Bucky to what you will see on a mission. You trust him with your life,  and you knew if he said he would always be here for you and protect you,  he meant it. Even if it meant keeping you safe from yourself, he didn't tell you yet but  he would stay behind with you when everyone goes on a mission. Leaving  you is not an option, you are an amazing avenger, and believed it was  over the top Tony dropping you from further missions temporarily over a  simple mistake that shouldn't have been your responsibility anyway, it  was for the whole group to keep an eye out for snipers, and since Tony was the one who distracted you in the first place, well that just pissed him off. He made a mental  note to tell Tony his thoughts, he was sick of his arrogance. The team   needed you, even Tony knew it. But his stubbornness got in the way, always treating you like a child, now allowing you to grow and be your own person. "Bucky..." you say, wrapping your arms around his midsection, Bucky  wrapping his arms around your back, bringing you in closer and just  holding you. This is what you needed, a hug from a certain person. "I  love your hugs" you mumble against his chest, not sure if he heard you.  But with his enhanced hearing, he heard you perfectly well. He strokes your hair with his flesh hand, and   rubbing circles on your back with his metal one. You lifted your head   and rested your chin on his chest, looking up to his cerulean blue eyes,  noticing the beard he was growing and smiling because you realized he was growing it because you once said you would love to see him with a beard like Steve's. And you would shamefully  admit you've never kissed a man with a beard. "What are you thinking about, doll?" He questions you, noticing your smile. His tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip. "You. " You simply answer, moving your hands from his midsection to the back of his neck, bringing him down to meet your lips. Bucky is surprised by your sudden move. But quickly accepts the invitation. His  flesh hand moving to the back of your head, to angle it differently to  deepen the kiss. His lips are soft, and the beard tickles your chin, making you giggle  slightly. Bucky pulls away slightly surprised by your giggle. "What?" He asks you with a smile. You shrug a little, "your beard tickles" you chuckle shyly. "Its the  first time I've kissed a man with a beard" you admit shamefully, tucking  his brown locks behind his ear. Bucky joins you in a chuckle. "Are you going to keep it?" You ask after a moment of silence, your hands still wrapped around his neck. "Hmmm" he pretends to think, "only on the condition you'll be my girl" he grins, darting his eyes from your eyes to your lips and back again. You playfully consider his options, tapping your finger on the back of his neck and you feel him shudder. "Deal." You say, bringing his soft plump pink lips back down to yours again. "I love you doll" he whispers against your lips, pulling away slightly to read your face. "I love you too Bucky" you say honestly. You might have secretly been in love with him for a long time. Later that evening, Bucky kept his mental promise and had a stern word with Stark. Tony promised he would find you tomorrow and apologize. As Bucky also promised, Clint made a full recovery. You had peeled back the duvet covers and climbed into bed with some  chocolate. Bucky joined you shortly after, you both layed in your bed,  cuddling, his metal hand on your hip, and his flesh hand resting on top  of your head as your head is pressed against his broad chest. You both  found a Netflix series that interested you, and this was the perfect  excuse to be close to your new boyfriend every night.

[mixcenysramblings]

"Today I Noticed" 10 Day Challenge: Day 3

Note: This is a challenge on Skillshare that I’m doing to help improve my creative writing, but I wanted to share my ramblings here as well for anyone who wanted to read!

Another small note: I haven't posted in a couple of days due to personal reasons, so we'll continue as if I never stopped. Shh~

Today I noticed...

I have been establishing a small routine as of late. Routines are extremely important in my mental wellbeing, and so I'm happy to say I have. I get up, I make coffee and a miso soup with some egg drop, and settle in for whatever I need to do that day.

Lately though, I've been giving my roommate the computer, since I've ben waking up late. Today I actually woke up at a reasonable hour! They do pretty much all of their computer-ing on my laptop, since theirs doesn't really function all that well. Hoping to fix that soon, but y'know, that takes time to build up a savings. Especially when you've not started working as of late...Monday though, exciting!

I've noticed that I've been feeling more confident in myself as of late. I completely removed all of my Tik Tok accounts, exception of the group, because it was draining on my mental well-being. I've been focusing a lot on personal self-care and I think that's super important, especially for us who are chronically ill. Yes, social media can be fun, but it also can become a problem when your phone says you clocked nearly 8-9 hours a day every day on one app, scrolling mindlessly through different videos of people being harmed, injured, emotionally distraught, targeted for harassment and assault, and so forth. I have respect for all of those people who are victims, but I don't have the energy to focus on the thousands of people everyday. I need to take care of myself, so that I can be there for them when they reach out for even just a signature or a kind word.

I've also been cutting off some friends lately. Not without telling them why first; I have mental health issues myself, as do they, so I know closure is a huge deal for a lot of us in why someone is doing what they are that can negatively impact us. It's mostly that many of them are down on themselves, and I need to be able to not feel bad if I need a space to vent. I don't have that type of space but everyone does with me, and that's not healthy. Without insurance, I can't see a therapist, but hopefully that'll soon change. I feel though, their recommendation would be the same as my old one; Get friends that are equally as reliable and at least try to put equal effort and voice when they can't. There's people out there who can handle without that and I think that's awesome! But it's not for me, and that's okay to admit that I can't be there for everyone and handle all personality types.

Today seemed heavily focused on self care, so I'll conclude that I've noticed a lot of personal growth in that regard. I hope to continue to have growth in it, and that others can follow my lead in doing what works best for their personal needs, goals, and character overall.

[shiningnorthernlights]

some fairly incoherent thoughts on hadestown (ocr)

well, first of all, let’s get the complaints out of the way! the first thing you’ll notice while reading the tracklist is that they let out a huge ton of new material, which is a pity. I think that, if they had to respect some time restraints, they could’ve decided to cut the songs that already were on the ep or on the concept album (even though it would’ve been a shame not hearing them sung by this amazing cast!) so they could’ve let us listen to more numbers from the stage production. the cuts sometimes don’t make a lot of sense and leave the story uncomplete, making it even more difficult to follow if you didn’t know it beforehand. hopefully the show will open on broadway where they’ll have enough budget to give us the complete score we deserve 💪

the audio quality is gorgeous, crystal clear, and everyone’s voices blend so well together, true, but they’re also so unique that you can recognize each character even during the ensemble parts!

the lyrics are powerful, meaningful, heart-breaking, no word is out of place, while the orchestrations are so wonderful and rich that no 👢 will ever do them justice. you can totally tell that anais mitchell is an incredibly gifted composer and lyricist and one can’t help wondering how she improved this already amazing material for broadway.

here’s some non-serious fangirling:

ROAD TO HELL

- I love orpheus’s small comments now and then

- and how you can hear amber gray in the chorus parts

- I love amber gray, mainstream musical theatre needs more amber gray

- I don’t know if it’s the recording, but I wish the audience were more enthusiastic!

- the person who whistles after hermes introduces himself is very relatable btw

LIVING IT UP ON TOP

- well, it’s like he said, I’m an outdoor girl (livin’ it, livin’ it up!) / married to the king of the underworld (living it up on top!)

- who’s he? When did he say you’re an outdoor girl? ���

- some quality sibling-bonding time, yas

- “he’s talking about your man!” “you think I give a damn?”

*narrator* she did give many damns, indeed

EPIC II / CHANT I

- wow, transitions!

- from now on, take a shot every time they sing la la la la. RIP.

- I’m pretty sure damon daunno’s high range has mystical powers

- in the coldest time of year, why is it so hot down here? / hotter than a crucible… it ain’t right and it ain’t natural!

- mr. hades calls his wife lover. it’s canon. I want to call this my future bae, too.

- PERSEPHONE, HE WAS LONESOME

- lover, when you feel that fire / think of it as my desire / think of it as my desire for you

- this would be such a good “and now kiss” moment for hades and persephone, if only they weren’t, y'know, arguing

- ooorpheus, all the pretty songs you sing / ain’t gonna sheeelter us / from the wind, the wind, the wiiind

- “did you think I’d be impressed with this neon acropolis?” I swear I couldn’t understand the last word, english not being my first language and all, I always thought she said “crap-less” (??) even though I was aware it’s not a word that exists. and now I know it’s an ancient greece reference. kudos.

HEY, LITTLE SONGBIRD

- give patrick page all the awards 2k18

- he also liked my gifs of him singing this on twitter, bless him

- why are people laughing at the beginning, I want to know what’s happening

WHY WE BUILD THE WALL

- best act one finale ever

- damn, that part after the song and the applause

- am I imagining the undertones of hades inviting eurydice into his office??

- that’s despicable anyway

- “… when the foreman turns his back” chills

- and then persephone!!

- “anybody want a drink?” MARRY ME, GIRL

OUR LADY OF THE UNDERGROUND

- instrumentals!!

- yay, all the due credit to the band, please!

- amber gray’s low notes

- amber gray’s growl

- amber gray’s voice

- amber gray’s take on the character

- amber gray

- never realized patrick page sang bass even in the chorus parts

- brother, what’s my name? I’ll tell you my name… per-se-pho-ne

- the whistles and uuuh’s afterwards are all me

- who harmonizes with her on “right here waiting in my pay-per-view”?

WAY DOWN HADESTOWN II

- hermes’s range

- harmonies!!

- “mr. hades set us free” “mR hADeS sET YoU fREe” I swear it’s like that spongebob meme

- wow the lyrics are so relevant

- thought you’d lay your burdens down / and rest in peace in paradise / but there ain’t no rest for your weary soul

- “but don’t you see? it’s different with me!” “different than who? they thought they were different, too!”

- “and hades laid his hands on you and gave you everlasting life” told you there are undertones!!

- “eurydice was a hungry young girl / but she wasn’t hungry anymore / what she was, instead, was dead” rude

CHANT II

- they cut a bazillion songs in between but this is worth it

- the is it truuue echo!

- hades’s “evil” laugh

- wow, that’s kinda… violent imaginery

- I’m gonna count to three / and then I’ll raise my head singing / one! two! is it true? / is it true what he said?

- “now you know how it tastes / the fruit of mr. hades’s ways / sister, it’s a bitter wine / spread it out while you still have time!” delivery!!

- “take it from a woman of my age…” y'know, if I’m not mistaken the actors are like 20-something years apart in age, but gods don’t grow old, could she be considered a trophy wife or wat [non-sense]

- “love is when he came to me / begging on his bended knees / to please have pity on his heart / and let him lay me in the dirt…” you’re telling me he asked you directly if you wanted to sleep with him?? so… romantic

- young man, you can sing your ditty / I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY!

- am I imagining it here or does it sound like he’s holding back laughter?! lovely

WORD TO THE WISE

- “damned if you don’t, damned if you do” who am I? can I condemn this man to- ah, wrong musical

- let’s be honest, the fates have a sweet spot for hades, screw the rest of olympus or whatever the heck is its equivalent in this universe

- “men are fools, men are frail, give them the rope and they’ll hang themselves” love this

PROMISES

- wow, finally a pure orpheus/eurydice moment, you wouldn’t expect that of a musical ABOUT THEM

- so sweet yet freaking harsher in hindsight™

WAIT FOR ME II

- “you think they’ll make it?” “I don’t know” “hades, you let them go” “I let them try” “then how about you and I? are we gonna try again?” “it’s almost spring, we’ll try again next fall” “wait for me?” “I will” NOW KISS

- what’s the staging like, I’m dying to know

- the harmonies are so beautiful, I’m crying

- wait, wait, wait… WAIT!

DOUBT COMES IN

- where are you? where are you now?

- eurydice’s gasp

- I’m not crying, you are

- what happened to “you’re early?” “I missed you”

- it was a very good parallelism, damn

ROAD TO HELL II

- won't tell anything about this one 'cause I miss I raise my cup like crazy

- and we deserved it sung by amber gray

I REALLY CAN’T WRITE THESE, ANYWAY I LOVE THIS MUSICAL SO MUCH, BYE.

[neoandersons]

The Plan

So, after some encourage me from Shayna, I decided to post some of my imagines that were originally on Wattpad. I am really sorry if this sucks badly, but I tried. I might post more too! I apologize for any grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors of any kind. Anyway, thank you Shayna! @sunshine-and-chocolate-kisses​

"Dude, this is serious. My dad might really send me to Oats Military Academy this time!" Ted said in utter despair to his best friend, Bill Preston, who looked just as mortified.

"This is most heinous! How will we convince your old man not to send you to Alaska?" Bill replied, trying to think of ideas to save his best bud from military school.

"I have no idea. I'm sure he's looking for plane tickets already!" Ted said with forlorn expression, which should never happen. Ted should always be happy and ready to rock n' roll.

"Wait, dude! I think I just came up with the most excellent plan to save you." Bill jollity said, feeling a hypothetical light bulb appear above his curly blond locks.

"Well, what is it, dude?" Ted questioned hastily, eager to hear Bill's genius plan.

"Okay, well, you know [Name] [Last Name], right? The really smart honors babe?" Bill asked, referring to one of the most intelligent girls in their grade.

"Yeah, what about her?" Ted inquired, a bit confused at first. What did [Name] have to do with Oats?

"Okay well, here's the plan, my amigo. We ask [Name] to fake date you for awhile, just so your old man lays off." Bill revealed, feeling a bit proud. Man, who knew he was so good at this?

"Wait what? What if [Name] says no? That would be bogus!" Ted replied, feeling a bit more skeptical and reluctant to carry out this plan. But then again, when did Bill's plans ever fail them?

I mean, they did pass history! Even if they received help [note: Rufus was the help], but who cares? They passed!

"She'll say yes, dude. [Name] is nuts for you." Bill reassured with a knowing smile.

"How do you know?" Ted questions.

"Okay, well you know Misty—I mean—MOM? Well, she's friends with [Name]'s older sister, and sometimes they mention [Name]'s love life. I overhear stuff, y'know." Bill revealed, which left Ted surprised at the revelation.

"Oh, really?" Ted mumbled, still dazed in shock. He wasn't expecting such a pretty and smart girl to find interest in HIM. Ted knows he's a ditz, he hears people talk about him sometimes. And while sometimes it hurts to hear people's general opinion of him, he chooses not to care.

He's destined for great things—both him and Bill. So, who cares what others think?

"Trust me, Ted. It'll work!" Bill reassures one last time before they start practicing their songs. 

"What?" [Name] asks in surprise, still grasping her AP Chemistry books in her hands.

"Please [Name]..." Ted pleaded, unintentionally making a puppy face, which seemed totally lame of him but [Name] found it cute.

"Let me get this straight, Ted. You want to hire me as a fake girlfriend so your dad doesn't send you to Alaska for military school?" [Name] asked, repeating everything she heard to make sure she was right.

"Yup." Ted bluntly replied, a grin on his face, which [Name] thought was adorable. It wouldn't hurt to help the poor kid, right? Plus, [Name] doesn't think Ted could be states away from Bill. Those two were inseparable.

"How much pay is the job?" She asked, giving a smirk back in reply.

"Well, what did she say?" Bill asked, tuning his guitar to the best of his ability, which was not that great.

It was after school already, and the two boys were getting ready for band practice.

"She actually said yes, dude! I have a girlfriend, a fake one, but a girlfriend nevertheless!" Ted exclaimed in delight, now the hard part was actually convincing his dad.

"Excellent! I told you, dude!" Bill happily responded.

"Yeah, later tonight I'm going to tell my dad, so we'll see how that goes." Ted informed Bill. After that, the two rockers got into their regular routine as the Wyld Stallyns.

"Hey baabe!" Ted called out for [Name], who was walking with her Academic Decathlon friends.

"Who is he talking to?" [Name]'s friend, Trinity, asked with a scandalized tone.

"Me." [Name] replied, which shocks everyone in the friend group as Ted approaches her.

"Don't mind me, dudes. I need to borrow my girlfriend for a moment." Ted says without delay, gently taking [Name]'s hand and dragging her away.

"What's the big idea, Ted?" [Name] asks once they reach a more reclusive part of the campus.

"Okay, so I told my dad I had a girlfriend at dinner last night." Ted revealed, and he seemed a bit timid too.

"Oh, how did he respond?" [Name] queried, curious to hear the answer.

"Well, him and my brother laughed for about five minutes straight at the news. He almost choked from laughing too much." Ted replied, feeling a bit ashamed and embarrassed.

At the new information, [Name] felt determine to prove people wrong about Ted Logan. Sure, he was sometimes ditzy, but he was a very nice person. Not to mention, he's very cute. It sadden and irritated [Name] that Ted and his friend Bill had such a bad reputation.

[Name] let out a heavy sigh before looking up at her tall (fake) boyfriend with a determined look, "Look Ted, we're going to convince everyone in San Dimas we're a thing. Trust me, you'll never step foot on Alaskan soil if you don't want to."

Ted smiled, feeling a bit better, "Thanks [Name], you're pretty cool yourself."

"I know dude, I know. So, when am I meeting your old man?" [Name] asked, already thinking of possible outfits to wear. She needs to dress to impress.

"Saturday?" Ted suggested, and [Name] nodded.

"I'll see you at 7!"

After that, [Name] went through motions of her week. But it didn't come without repercussions of Ted announcing their relationship, and she was having trouble with her friends. It just angered [Name] so much, so what if Ted isn't good at math?

Or so what if he forgot his chemistry homework? He isn't a bad person at all, but her friends want to think otherwise.

"C'mon [Name], why are you with him? He's so beneath you." David, a so-called friend, stated. Murmurs of agreements could be heard from the hallway, and that was the final straw for her.

"Look, assholes. I don't know what stick is up your asses, but I'm not dealing with it. I'm dating Ted, so what? It isn't your business, and frankly, he's way above you. At least he isn't degrading people, and making them feel bad for who they. So you know what? Screw you guys, he's my boyfriend!" [Name] ranted out, feeling livid at her friends, which she wasn't sure if they were her friends anymore.

To put it bluntly, they were too shock to even say anything towards the angry girl. [Name] ran into Ted as soon as she left the classroom, seeing him outside the door.

"[Name]..." Ted mumbled, and it was so sad seeing him so dejected.

"You heard those idiots, huh? Well, don't listen to them, Ted. You're cool and I like you for you." [Name] reassured, giving him a smile, taking his hand into hers.

"You're the best, babe." Ted replied back, a huge grin growing on his face.

"I know. I can't help it, y'know." [Name] replied, and the two walked down the hallway, their hands intertwined with each other.

In the end, when Saturday evening came, it turned out that Ted's father absolutely adored her. He was happy to see his son date such a respectable and intelligent young lady, even claiming that [Name] would be a good influence.

If Mr. Logan had any plans of sending his son away, they were halted as Ted's (and even Bill's) grades ended up improving as [Name] tutored them.

Ted and [Name] decided to drop the "fake" part out of their relationship and ended up as an actual couple. Even Ted's younger brother thought [Name] was cool, and he was a hard-ass to impress.

Bill was thrilled that he was the best wingman ever, but he was also happy his best friend wasn't leaving.

After all, the Wyld Stallyns were going to change the world.