#sober powered podcast

[peachpixiebby]

I’m nearing 2 years without alcohol. I’m really proud of myself & my progress. Not too long ago I couldn’t even manage going a month sober.. or even a week. The cravings still come. I still think about “what if I just break my sobriety??”

I miss getting drunk. I miss feeling buzzed right before being drunk. I miss drinking on an empty stomach and it going straight to my head. I miss feeling my face getting flushed. Being giggly and smiley. Drinking in the shower (sad but fun tbh). Drinking while cleaning the house. Social drinking. But there’s far FAR more things I don’t miss and that’s what keeps me going in my sobriety.

I don’t miss the hangxiety. Getting to the point where I would blackout no matter how much I drank. Worrying “what did I do last night?” Feeling embarrassed. Spending too much money. Literally having the gas station attendant comment on how often I would come in for beer 😬 The shakes, the nausea, the splitting headaches, chronic heartburn, the bloated tummy, the random bruises, going to work hungover, having to eat lots of greasy food the next day to feel okay, the puking, feeling guilty bc someone else always had to be the D.D.. countless other things.

What helped me quit drinking:

I didn’t even intend on quitting. It’s overwhelming to go into something like “this will be for the rest of my life” My last day drinking I decided I was just taking a break. I had a really nasty bout of heartburn that would not go away. It felt like no other time before. Like I had done permanent damage to my esophagus and I got really worried. I could barely eat bc I was worried about flaring it up worse & it also gave me such a weird full feeling for nearly a week.

If you’re feeling sober curious my best advice is go into it like I did. Slowly without a huge & intimidating goal and just see how it feels. As long as it feels good, keep going. Another huge help for me was listening to sober podcasts. My fave: Sober Powered podcast. The host’s drinking situation was similar to mine and she inspired me. She also is super smart and provides really interesting scientific data to explain what’s going on inside your body while you drink and while you quit.

If you’re thinking about taking a break or quitting, here’s the last thing I have to say:

[cheerfullycatholic]

As a response to sobering statistics showing as many as two-thirds of Catholics expressing doubt in the Real Presence, the Archdiocese of Detroit's Department of Communications launched I AM HERE to focus on the personal witness of the laity, religious and clergy testifying to the power of the Eucharist in their lives. The result was more than 230 written stories published, 32 podcast episodes recorded, more than 50 special holy hours hosted, 22 dioceses represented, and more than 100 parishes featured in one of the most successful Eucharistic evangelization campaigns in the local Church's history. “Our goal was to tap into the power of personal testimony,” said Emily Mentock, associate director of strategy for the Archdiocese of Detroit’s Department of Communications. “There are so many resources that teach about the Eucharist, that evangelize with the Eucharist, but we wanted to help people hear from others and share how their lives have actually been changed by Jesus in the Eucharist, and not just promote the theological understanding of it.”

[yermes]

Pac 🪱

Are YOU a worm?

A small little creature dying on the side walk hoping for mercy in a cruel and unkind environment? Have you been moved into a better environment and now your thriving? What can you do?

Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. Maybe ill record Thursday ! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

Socials: podcast | Follow me!

Pick a meme

1 2 3

The cards

Power 🍵

Four of disks, Sun in the 3. decan of Capricorn, Chesed through Earth

You have gained quite a lot but the fear creeps in when it comes to loss. While struggling and thrashing to find your place in the world even in a place of comfort you are extremely discomforted by the comfort. Do not overreach find peace within the peace do not doubt it.

Defeat 👹

Venus in the 1. decan of Aquarius, Geburah through air, Five of Swords

In your thrashing, in your constant changing environment, it is changing how you view the world and yourself. With the changes and the pain you find yourself. It will not be pleasant but when you are gently put back in the grass and allowed to thrive you will grow exponentially.

Sorrow 🍊

Three of swords, Saturn in the 2. decan of Libra, Binah through Air

You may face the painful truth that sometimes a divine hand may never come to pick you up to save you. The sobering fact is you are usually the one who must save yourself and not some fetishized hero.

Extras:

Story/vent:

Tummy hurt

[kipper-face-penny-bottle]

Podcast where Erika and Aabria discuss Tumblr culture? Essential. Campaign about girls who meet in the club bathroom? Everything. So what if they were combined?

Tumblr girlies meet in the club bathroom. Some have moved on with their lives, some are still keeping Tumblr alive. All are going through personal crises that end up with them crying in the bathroom. A powerful bond is created.

But as the sun comes out and they sober up, they come to a terrible realization: only they remember obscure internet tomfoolery. After grappling with the implications of these lapses in collective memory, they come to the conclusion that they need to travel through time to the peak Tumblr era to stop these erasures.

@quiddie

[loneberry]

Notes on Palestine

The geopolitical situation right now is extremely unstable. In such moments it always feels like incentive structures are such that all parties are pushed toward war and escalation. I saw how this all unfolded with 9/11; it left an indelible mark on my psyche–to observe the world careening, the hysteria, the march toward endless war. The Iran hawks in the US are out calling for war with Iran (US intelligence and even the IDF have said Iran did not help *plan* the Hamas attacks, though the idea that Iran was behind the attacks is being presented as fact). 

Days before the Hamas attacks, I was in an article + podcast rabbit hole focused on Iranian nuclear politics, Saudi-Israeli relations, and the current situation in the “Middle East” (I prefer the term “South West Asia and North Africa”/SWANA but will use “Middle East” for readability). I had also been reading that the US’s attempts to broker a US-Saudi-Israeli deal would piss off the Palestinians. It filled me with immense grief—nobody, not even Muslim Arabs, seem to care about Palestinians anymore. The international community has failed. Now it seems that the world has consented to a protracted genocide of Palestinians. It used to be the case that Arab countries would not considered normalizing relations with Israel without Israel making concessions to the Palestinians. The sad reality is that since the Arab Spring, the resolution of the Palestinian issue has become a low priority for many countries in the Middle East, many of whom have their own feud with Iran and see pivoting toward Israel as a path toward greater security. Of course I’m talking about the Abraham Accords, the so-called “peace deal” brokered by the Trump administration that enabled the normalization of relations between Israel, the UAE, and Bahrain, yet excluded any input from Palestinians. That event had brought me so much grief. It really felt like any hope for the Palestinian cause was dying. There seems to be little political will from any side to put pressure on Israel.

In moments of crisis like these I try to be sober and pedagogical, but such a task feels nearly impossible when it comes to the “Israeli-Palestinian conflict”. People say the conflict is “complicated” and rooted in hundreds of years of religious hatred. It is really not that complicated and only requires basic knowledge of 20th century history. Prior to WWI, the territory of Palestine (and much of the Arab world) was under the rule of the Ottoman Empire for over 400 years. The Allied Powers (Britain, France, Russia, and others) were at war with the Central Powers (Germany, Austro-Hungary, the Ottomans, etc). The Brits saw Palestine as a crown jewel and coveted Jerusalem in particular. They recruited Arab assistance in the war by whipping up hundreds of years of resentment against the Ottomans and promising the Arabs that they would break up the Ottoman Empire and help the Arabs create their own nations (see theMcMahon-Hussein correspondence). Yet the Brits were also keen on recruiting Jewish support on the side of the Allied Powers. In 1917 the British government made a declaration (the Balfour Declaration) that announced British support for the creation of a national home for the Jewish people in Palestine. At the end of WWI (which, as you likely know, ended in Allied success), the European empires on the winning side sought to expand their empires while Woodrow Wilson believed more in self-determination. The compromise was the “mandate” system, where the Europeans on the winning side took administrative control of territories lost by the Central Powers—France and Britain carved up the Middle East. Enter the British mandate for Palestine. The Arabs had been betrayed by the Allied Europeans (no surprise there). One form of colonial rule was swapped for another. 

Prior to the end of WWI, the Zionist movement was gaining momentum, partly as an answer to the perennial problem of European anti-Semitism and partly because of the 19th/early-20th century discourse around nationalism. The idea of creating a Jewish state in Palestine began in the 19th century, but it was really in the 1890s that modern political Zionism began with the figure of Theodor Herzl. European Jews began to immigrate to Palestine to form settlements. Yet when the mandate was established, the Jewish population was still relatively small—around 9%. While the territory was under British rule, the Brits facilitated a dramatic increase in European Jewish immigration to Palestine. Between 1922 and 1935, the portion of the population that was Jewish grew to 27%. It’s hardly surprising that violence broke out between Arabs and Jews, as well as Arabs and the Brits (see the Arab Revolt of 1936-39). 

The Brits promised a territory to an oppressed people (the Jews) that was never theirs to give away in the first place. The Arabs were quickly being displaced from their home. All of this would come to a head in WWII, when Europe’s vile anti-Semitism was on full display with the Holocaust. How would Europe atone for the atrocities committed against the Jews? There was much momentum around creating a physical state for the Jews in Palestine. This was also a convenient solution for deeply anti-Semitic Europe, as they preferred that the Jews leave rather than be integrated into their societies. In 1947 the UN voted to partition Palestine into a Jewish state and an Arab state, with Jerusalem coming under international administration. 13 voted against the partition (basically all the countries in the Middle East, plus India and several others). 55% of the land would be set aside for the Jews. War broke out soon after the UN resolution. The (WWII) battle-hardened Zionist paramilitaries (backed by European countries) undertook a campaign of ethnic cleansing and captured additional territory. Between 1947-49, 750,000 Palestinians became refugees—around 40% of the entire Palestinian population. 78% of historic Palestine was taken by Zionist forces. This is the event of settler violence and ethnic cleansing that Palestinians refer to as the Nakba (or catastrophe). 

There is so much obfuscation about the roots of the Israel-Palestine conflict. What ultimately happened: Europe decided it wanted to create a nation for Jews. It picked the territory of Palestine for this project (other territories were also considered) because the Brits controlled the territory and because of its religious significance. There were already people who lived on the land that was to be used to create a Jewish state. Now Palestinians are stateless and live under a brutal military occupation (the West Bank) and even more punishing blockade (Gaza)—or as refugees. Palestinians were ultimately made to suffer for the sins of European anti-Semitism. 

*

There is a lot more I can say here, about the history of the Cold War and how it relates to the US’s alliance with Israel, about internecine conflicts in Palestinian politics (the split between Hamas and the PLO/Palestinian Authority), about the current geopolitical situation, about contemporary domestic politics in Israel (which currently has the most right-wing govt in Israel’s history) and the Hamas attacks themselves. I see friends gleefully posting about the murder of Israeli civilians. I just can’t get on board with that. Neither can I get on board with Israel bombing hospitals and shelters in Gaza, or calling Palestinians “animals.” All life is sacred, all life is grievable. (People are right to point out that most of the world does not grieve the loss of Palestinian life.)

Events do have a context. Gaza is one of the most unlivable places on the planet. Around 67% of Gaza's population are refugees displaced during the Nakba. It has been under a brutal blockade for 16 years. It’s the 3rd most densely populated place on the planet—over 2.1 million people are crammed into a space half the size of London. The residents have been deprived of electricity, clean drinking water, medical supplies, and food. Nearly half of residents are unemployed and civilians have died by thousands under Israeli bombings (6,407 Palestinians have been killed since 2008). It is referred to as an “open air prison” because the residents are literally hemmed in by a high-tech fence. Given these dire conditions, an eruption of violence did seem almost inevitable. 

What I fear: a ground invasion of Gaza. A broader conflagration involving Lebanon and Iran, and potentially the rest of the world. The US going to war with Iran. If the world genuinely wishes to see the end of the “cycle of violence,” Palestinians must be free. Any attempt to bring about “regional security” while ignoring the Palestinian situation is destined to fail.

[marcelwrites]

Since the last time I posted an update here I started my apprenticeship at the barbershop. It's been a true source of joy. The owner said I'm a natural and that I'm amazing talking to the clients. It's one of those things that, once I started doing it, felt like it was meant to be. Life's clicking into place but it isn't luck. I work hard, I stay busy and productive, and I'm totally sober. Good things happen.

Ephesians 6:12 — "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms".

Worked out so intensely on Sunday I spent Monday struggling to get around and walk, and sitting was just an agony. Deep lunges fucked me up. I keep thinking back to that old piece of gymbro philosophy, "Pain is merely weakness leaving the body," and how true it is. We set these lofty goals for ourselves, we want to lift X amount of weight, box for Y amount of minutes, run for Z amount of kilometres, etc., until it becomes an impossible thing to reach. This is when goals become conceptual and bleed into the rarified air of ideals, and thus it's easier to fight for an ideal than it is to reach a personal goal. Once a personal goal is met, what happens? That's it, the game's over, you've got your prize and now you stop. Ideals though? Ideals must be fought for and our grasp on them is tenuous at best. Ideals live and die in the warzone, on the battlefield caked in sweat and mud and piss, and they exist alongside grit and willpower. People die for ideals, no idiot's sacrificing their life for a personal goal.

Now I must sleep (or lay there looking at short form content until my brain begs me to fall asleep to a podcast). Rest up and recover. We're hitting it hard again tomorrow. Come join me in the gym and spar with me in the ring.

[buffy-targaryen]

I was listening to Prophecy Girls podcast episode for Normal Again today - far from my favourite episode but they can make even the terrible episodes enjoyable, everyone should listen to them just FYI - and I forgot about a very small moment within the episode that inexplicably made me incredibly happy.

After Buffy (briefly) gives into the toxin or whateverthefuck that demon pumped into her and left her friends to be killed by the Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik, Willow is left to fight the thing off with a bat? I think? Anyway, I enjoyed this moment a lot because Willow didn’t panic, didn’t give in, and she didn’t use magic to save their lives, something that was immanent and to be honest would be completely reasonable to fall back on in the heat of the moment. It’s a very small moment and isn’t focused on, but I appreciated it. As someone who grew up with a (now sober) addict, the way they framed Willows reliance on magic as an addiction and not a quest for power (how I preferred to read it) always kind of bothered me, but mostly because it was actually done really realistically which is an uncomfortable watch for me.

However, after seeing Willow not immediately react by using magic in a deadly/stressful situation, it just made me happy and hopeful. Her instinct isn’t to fall into a bad habit, it’s to fight. At least until Seeing Red when in fact she does fall back onto her addiction and that’s where the addiction storyline falls for me.

[saturniandevil]

March 2023 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast's March forecast, hosted by Chris Brennan, Austin Coppock, and Leisa Schaim. This month is full of major shifts, especially in the outer planets. Our hosts connect the massive earthquake in Syria & Turkey to the Leo Full Moon (halfway between eclipses) activating the Saturn-Uranus square; Chris encourages listeners to donate to the rescue and rebuild efforts. Leisa connects the Ohio train derailment to the Sun-Uranus square going exact hours later, while the Mars-Neptune square indicates a chemical spill. Autsin points out Mars has been on the royal star Aldeberan very exactly for 6 weeks, indicating movement of large, heavy equipment. Mars in Gemini connotes "aerial threats", Austin had described the Mars-Neptune square as bubbles or balloons popping (especially economically), and one literally got popped with the weather and hobbyist balloons the US military shot down. The Mars-Neptune square hits three times due to the retrograde, and Chris calls to a metaphor of the planets being linked by a rubber band--the effects stay more prominent because it'll bounce back. Some of the anxiety about AI developments may be related to movements in Aquarius: the Saturn return of the Internet is about to end and Pluto's entrance may further unearth unpleasantness recorded there.

March 1st/2nd - Venus conjunct Jupiter, Mercury enters Pisces Venus-Jupiter in Aries brings a celebratory, initiatory energy to our new month. A Mercury-Saturn conjunction in Aquarius is one of the last aspects Saturn makes in this sign, allowing us to reflect on how far we've come. Saturn has been in domicile since late 2017 (and Aquarius specifically since 2020), so let's concretely think about all the changes of the last half-decade or so.

March 6th/7th - Saturn enters Pisces, Full Moon in Virgo Saturn changing signs will open up a new chapter for all of us. The ingress happens soon after the Moon and Sun conjoin at 16 Pisces. Leisa suggests the Virgo moon may bring in some facts to Gemini's frenzied information and Pisces' ambiguity, though overall the square will accentuate existing mutable tensions (we may see more balloons popped). The lunation will highlight Neptune squaring Mars, which we can think of as "the fog of war," being prodded to move without knowing where to go, or overly idealistic actions.

Back to Saturn, for the rest of the year he will be hanging out in the first decan of Pisces, of which he is decan ruler. Austin compares it to The Truman Show or The Matrix, where we are aware that what we've taken for reality is a constructed thing. A confusing but illuminating journey that we're ready for. Saturn will also be copresent with Neptune, which Chris describes as "reality-bending." Between Pisces and Aries, we're going to have 5 years of Saturn-Neptune. Leisa also predicts a restructuring of faith, using the play Waiting for Godot as an example. She also brings up that the Fukushima power plant damaged in the 2011 earthquake & tsunami is now announcing it needs to release the water it's stored, but there's concerns over one of the tanks being untreated. There's some further Saturn in Pisces discussion in the year ahead forecast.

In a personal level, focus on what house of your chart Saturn will enter. It will bring consolidation and restructuring or a need for more structure due to heavier weight, whether that is unwanted or long-sought-after responsibilities. Saturn is reliably heavy, sober, and austere. What do you actively want to put a lot of time and energy into? It's like swimming with weights on: how do we stay buoyant while being weighed down?

March 15th - Sun conjunct Neptune This activates a Neptune-Mars square with Mercury involved the next day.

March 16th - Venus enters Taurus Mars also squares Neptune exactly on this day while Mercury is conjunct Neptune, which our hosts consider the most important configuration of the month. Things will be confusing and messy. A best case scenario would be vigorous experimental poetry, though you don't have to go out of your way to participate in difficult transits if you're not already caught up in it.

Mercury is getting a heavy beating in the month, but Venus is in okay position: in Aries she's copresent Jupiter, and while dogged by Uranus and the North Node in Taurus, she's in domicile. There's some relief in the fixed signs now, at last Venus no longer has to fight Saturn in this sign. (She does square Pluto, however.)

March 17th - Sun conjunct Mercury

March 19th - Mercury enters Aries

March 20th - Sun enters Aries

March 21st - New Moon in Aries This foreshadows the upcoming eclipse in Aries and continues the focus on Aries we've been feeling all month. This lunation is also within 3 degrees of an out-of-sign square to its ruler Mars. Seeing no path to our goals, we'll be cut our own way through the fog instead of trying to find an existing one.

March 22nd/23rd - Pluto enters Aquarius Saturn hands things off to Pluto. Leisa brings up the Gonzalez vs. Google and Twitter vs. Taamneh cases being heard in the Supreme Court, the rulings of which have serious outcomes for who has control over the Internet and who's legally liable for content on social media. Pluto spends so long in a sign it retrogrades over every degree, so the changes are lasting. In a few years Uranus in Gemini will trine Pluto, bringing questions around technology into more focus. On the optimistic side, we can think of emerging medical technologies vastly improving standards of living for everyone.

March 22nd - electional chart for the month

Around 2PM local time on March 22nd with Leo rising, this takes advantage of the Sun exalted in Aries in the 9th along with Jupiter, the Moon, and the Midheaven (try to get the MC applying to Moon-Jupiter if you can; otherwise focus on keeping Leo rising). Venus is in domicile in Taurus. This is a good general-purpose chart, especially good for 9th house matters, though friends & alliances specifically won't fare as well with Mars in the 11th house. Here Chris also mentions it's important to consider how similar electional charts are to your own birth chart.

March 25th/26th - Mars enters Cancer This usually isn't an ideal sign for Mars, but it'll be a relief to get away from Neptune and move at regular speed after 8 months in Gemini. We're closing down one major chapter and entering into a new one, though not a space of satisfaction so much as a morose, moody space as we wait for the next thing. There's a trine to Saturn in fellow water sign Pisces, which may add some structure and subdue tensions. Jupiter in Aries is also overcoming Mars from the superior square (with reception), further keeping conflicts in check. Using a physical exercise analogy, we're not reaching a new level so much as rehabbing an old injury or strengthening muscles to prevent future ones. Think security, like making emergency kits for times of natural disaster.

March 28th - Mercury conjunct Neptune

March 28th - Venus conjunct Pluto This occurs on the degree of a recent eclipse and may therefore be more prominent that usually expected.

[wawamouse]

OZ Rewatch 3: s3e07: Secret Identities

Okay well, I’ll just say ahead of time that this is probably (maybe) going to deteriorate once again in quality (I can barely type when I’m sober so add alcohol and I’m FUCKED looool

Plotlines:

Keller continues to fuck with Sister Pete, standing her up

Alvarez finally meets face to face with Rivera

Sister Pete confronts Keller about him manipulating her and tells Mukada she is leaving the convent

Glynn tries to interrogate the Latinos abut the drugs

Carlo’s sister tries to see him. McManus gives the note from her to Carlo to Lopresti who throws it away

Hughes being a bitch. Elbows Diane in the face. Glynn finally tells Hughs what happened.

Dianne kisses McManus as some kind of power play against Claire

Nappa finishes his true crime book and is killed by Nat

Adebisi gets Wangler to accuse McManus of sexual harassment

Shirley asks to see McManus and ask about methods of death; Shirley averts the death penalty by being pregos

Boxing lead up: Cyril out of control ! He’s fighting Jaz; Aebisi wants to align with the Muslims, make it a race thing

Khan v Cramer; Khan wins

Toby and Said!! Keller does not like

Said is humbled, tells Khan

Toby forgives Keller but no homo lol so Keller wants to kill Said (BOO); Tobias apologises to Schillinger like a stupid person; FIGHT!! Weewoo weewoo

Sister: Is this a hallucination... Oh thank God.

Sister: Oh, i thought he was dead. I’m so used to people just appearing like that in this show.

Sister: Why wouldn’t you be able to have a kid? He’s only blind. It’s not like she wouldn’t be able to see the kid. I feel like she’s making this harder on him than it has to be… [schoolmate]’s dad was blind and he had two kids, remember? I don’t get this.

Sister: No, he saved his cajones.

Sister: (as Chris) That’s why I’m manipulating you

Sister: yeah, let’s just give it to the guys who are definitely going to throw it away. (Lopresti throws away the note) Sister: Thank youuu. Did exactly what I said he was going to.

He would so get into conspiracy theories. Or true crime podcasts.

Sister: (as Glynn) Because I’ve been getting it on with the priest. Me: You’re still on that?! Sister: Because he doth protest too much!

Sister: She’s going to say that now but when she’s actually there, she’s gonna be like “this sucks, I change my mind”

Sister: THAT’S "Little Anthony"?!

To be honest there wasn’t much commentary this episode because Sisters was smacked halfway in lol and she gets real quiet. I feel like the episode flew by though. Felt shorter than most, and maybe it is, at 56 minutes.

Final Thoughts:

Sister: This episode felt kinda short. That one part where he touched the boob… no thank you. That one lady (Tina) did not need to be there. Like she needed to go eat a bagel or something, like she was making it worse. Me: Who’s your favorite character right now? Sister: Mr. Nappa Cabbage. So sad… We even bought a Nappa cabbage right now but I haven’t even eaten it Me: Miguel? Sister: He’s not even in this episode… Me: He talked to Eugene. Sister: Which was a waste of time. It was so stupid. [Rant about Tina] Me: What do you think about what’s going to happen? Sister: With what? The baby? Me: Next episode is the last episode. Sister: They’re just gonna redo the coup. Replay the glory of season 1. Someone’s going to get maimed, but I don’t think it’ll be those three guys (Toby, Said, Keller) ‘cause they just got got this episode. Me: Well they still have the boxing matches. Sister: I don’t like those. I’m just there for the fashion. Seeing what the gays wore. No good hair, though. I think the one gay in the leather (Fiona) should’ve had Betty Boop hair…

Stray Thoughts

Kinda amazing that Pancamo crushed that floppy disk in one hand

Keller was looking at a website about high school GED equivalencies, suggesting that he doesn’t have one

No Chico this episode. Big L.. Woulda loved to see him doing the Que routine lol

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

The Daily D/S For 12/18/23:

Do We Talk About Consent Enough?

BDSM, with its intricate dance of power dynamics and sensual exploration, often captivates our conversations within the community. Yet, amidst the allure of the erotic and the exhilarating, the discourse on consent remains a topic that demands more attention. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom's alarming statistic, reporting that one in five individuals may experience consent violations, serves as a stark reminder that we need to prioritize discussions surrounding consent within the BDSM community.

In the vibrant tapestry of BDSM, discussions frequently revolve around the seductive and alluring aspects of the lifestyle. While exploring the boundaries of pleasure and pain, we tend to revel in the erotic narratives, overlooking the crucial foundation upon which these experiences should be built, consent. Consent is not just a buzzword or a formality but the cornerstone of healthy and ethical BDSM dynamics.

The NCSF's report sheds light on the sobering reality that consent violations are more prevalent than we might acknowledge. This stark statistic underscores the urgency for the BDSM community to engage in open and honest conversations about consent. By doing so, we can work towards creating an environment that prioritizes the safety and well-being of all participants.

While the community is no stranger to dialogue, the focus is often centered around technique, role play, and the aesthetic appeal of BDSM practices. It is time to shift our attention and allocate space for more comprehensive conversations about consent. Consent education should be an integral part of community gatherings, online forums, and educational events.

It is essential to dispel the notion that discussions about consent dampen the passion and allure of BDSM. Instead, such conversations enhance the depth and richness of the experiences we seek. By emphasizing the importance of clear communication, enthusiastic agreement, and ongoing consent, we contribute to the development of a community that values and protects each participant.

To foster a culture of consent within the BDSM community, it is imperative that we actively seek to increase awareness and understanding. Let us engage in discussions about establishing and respecting boundaries, negotiating scenes, and recognizing the ongoing nature of consent. By doing so, we create an environment that prioritizes safety, respect, and the empowerment of all individuals involved.

While the enticing allure of BDSM captures our imaginations, it is essential to ground our explorations in the principles of consent. As a community, we must confront the realities of consent violations and actively work towards fostering an environment that prioritizes respectful and ethical practices. Let us not shy away from these conversations, as they are essential for the well-being of all participants. As we navigate the complexities of BDSM, let consent be the guiding force that ensures our journeys are not only thrilling but also safe and consensual.

How do you believe the BDSM community can enhance discussions about consent?

If you enjoyed this, I invite you to give my podcast a listen 'Chatting With The Lightkeeper,' a top 25% most-followed podcasts on Spotify but available on all the major podcasting apps and follow my socials for more exclusive content: Instagram, Facebook, and X (formerly Twitter) for a deeper dive into the wonderful world of D/S.

As with all of my thoughts, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2023

[peachpixiebby]

I’ve quit drinking for 9 months now. I’m really proud of myself for sticking to it this long. I’ve said the whole time idk what my plans are with it. It’s hard to imagine never drinking again but idk if I can ever go back without it slipping to an unhealthy level again. I have nightmares where I drink and I’m so disappointed in myself in the dreams.

I still get strong cravings & I’m not sure they will ever go away. I associate so many things with drinking. I have triggers everywhere. Vacations, holidays, weekends, family gatherings, seeing tv characters drink, the alcohol aisle, gas stations, cutting the grass, swimming, camping, the sound of ice clinking/can opening, Mexican restaurants, cleaning the house, taking showers (yes, drinking in the shower), barbecues, summer nights, snowy nights, rainy nights, any excuse to drink.

I decided to take a break bc I had a long spout of unshakable heartburn. It felt more intense than normal and ruined my appetite bc I was worried about anything heightening the already bad heartburn I was experiencing. I was also tired of the hangovers. I drank at least once every weekend when I decided to quit. I wasn’t at the level of my worst. At my worst it was everyday of the weekend and multiple days of the week as well. I’d been fed up with it for a while. I felt ashamed how often the same cashiers would see me buying alcohol. I would buy from multiple stores as well and I still felt like all of them knew I had a problem.

I have trouble sticking to goals. I have this “all or nothing” mindset and can overwhelm myself thinking I have to change my whole life overnight. So I think that’s why I tell myself and others idk if I’ve quit alcohol forever but again I don’t trust myself to be able to moderate if I tried to drink again.

What helped me when I was first quitting was listening to the Sober Powered podcast. The host, Gill Tietz, has a masters in biology and talks about what happens inside our bodies when we drink and why it is so hard for some of us to moderate or quit. I love that she comes at it with an educational & nonjudgmental attitude. I checked out a few sober podcasts and hers was by far my favorite.

Her podcast in particular helped me bc her drinking habits were like mine. Neither of us had this huge event to point to (like a dui, divorce, job loss) to say okay I have a problem. Alcohol consumption is so normalized in society, many of us don’t even question it. But it’s okay to go against the grain and take a step back for yourself if you want. People will, for some reason, ask you why/challenge your abstinence. This reminds me how normalized drinking is that many people view it as the default setting and if you don’t partake something must be wrong.

On the Sober Powered podcast Gill talks about transfer addiction. How when we give up something we often replace it with another unhealthy habit. I believe I’ve done that with food. And with my all or nothing mentality I keep going from trying to eat healthy and restricting to not caring and binging. Gill points out that transfer addiction just postpones you from dealing with the underlying issues that lead you to numb out with instant gratification habits. I hope I can get brave enough to get to the root of my problems. Maybe someday.

TLDR; summary: I’ve quit drinking for 9 months. Idk if I’m done forever but I’m scared to try again and fall into bad habits. I’m still triggered/craving. Listening to the Sober Powered podcast helped me quit. I want to try & tackle my food habits next.

[stewyhosseini-bf]

do u think it’s strange that there was almost no mention of kendalls drug addiction/him using in this season? we got that one line in the first episode which implies he might be clean? maybe? and its never brought up again. i just cant help but find it weird bc kendalls drug use and addiction was such a big part of his character and really used to reflect what hes going through. but then again this season wasn’t very long in-universe and he was focused on a lot of other things so maybe there wasnt any necessity for him to do drugs? i might have answered my own question.

Okay that's a really good question. So in terms of why they didn't bring it up again, I literally just listened to a podcast ep where Jesse essentially answered this exact question so I'll just write down his answer here real quick:

Podcast Host #1: I don't think I've ever seen an addict on television without relapse being part of the story.

Jesse Armstrong: Yeah, yeah, and it was part of our story, but I wasn't especially intrigued by that dynamic.

Podcast Host #2: Why did you do it if you weren't that intrigued by it?

JA: It just felt right. It's that episode in the desert, it came after episode 6 of the first season. And it just felt like he was in a tough place and so we did it cause it felt right. But the episode isn't really about that. I don't want to be glib about addiction, but I think it's quite heavily covered in the culture. It's well covered in the culture. We've got some stuff to say about power and also I guess about the way that money can insulate you from some of the worst things that can happen to you if you don't have money and find yourself addicted.

I don't necessarily think the show (or Jesse for that matter) is saying he didn't relapse, but that, as with many things in this show, they just don't bring it back up again because there's no plot-related reason to. Like you know how there's a lot of those jokes about how 'x was true, it just wasn't relevant to [characters]'s journey so we never saw it' - I feel like if there's any show that this joke really works well on it's Succession lmao. Stuff will come up and then be dropped quite easily again later on, and they're not necessarily trying to make a statement by doing that. So them not mentioning it doesn't imply anything about whether Kendall is using again, it really just tells you that whatever the case may be, it's not really relevant to the plot and/or doesn't reveal anything we don't already know about the character, so there's no reason to mention it.

With Kendall, drugs are also mostly brought up either by Logan or Kendall's siblings, to point out his 'weaknesses' (just revisited this post on how the show conflates Kendall's drug abuse, him performing in a business-sense and his sexuality). I don't think there was necessarily anything new to be said about that. Kendall's also flying pretty high for most of the season, and those topics and Kendall's drug use mostly comes up when he's depressed and more hopeless, which he simply didn't really have time to be, with everything that was going on this season and with how little time passed.

This doesn't mean, though, that I think they don't put thought into whether he is sober or not or don't put in certain 'clues' (for lack of a better word) that point to that. At the start of the season Kendall kind of implies that The Hundred is keeping him occupied enough to keep him from drugs ('I need something super fucking absorbing in my life', which tells me he is trying to stay away from drugs and is asking them straight up to tell him if it's not gonna be this, so he can look for a different substitute). And I'm pretty sure the drink he orders in 4x2 is non-alcoholic (though I could be wrong, I'm going off what I've seen others say here) but as the season progresses we do see him drink, like in Norway and then also at the Tailgate Party and in the finale. Whether that means that he's using drugs again as well, I don't know, but he's clearly not staying sober. We also know he uses drugs when he's under a lot of pressure to perform, in the business-sense, which he obviously is this season, so there is that as well

[omniversecomicsguide]

Mission: Improbable (2014) Reading Order is now live on Omniverse Comics Guide!

Obadiah Archer has gained way too much power, so Project Rising Spirit send Bloodshot and HARD Corps to take him down. Can Armstrong stay sober long enough to rescue Archer from PRS? And whose side is Bloodshot really on? MISSION: IMPROBABLE (2014) has been added to the Omniverse Comics Guide!  Find out what you need to read, in what order and what to pick up next!

More Valiant events to come as we build towards the first chunk of our VALIANT UNIVERSE READING ORDER!

As always for the latest podcasts, videos reading orders, reviews & news head over to Omniverse Comics Guide!

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[ninja-muse]

July was a month of quality, not quantity, reading-wise. I read some truly excellent books, they just largely happened to be thick and take a fair bit of brain power. And one of these months I’ll manage to get to more than a single book off my physical TBR, I swear. Oh well. At least I only bought one book again? (In my defense, it was only $4.) Oh, and my Sherlock Holmes-via-podcast read-through finally did The Sign of the Four! This feels like a milestone, somehow.

Outside of reading, this was a pretty good month! I saw friends for the first time since the fall, I went to outdoor live theatre for the first time in three years and finally got to see Something Rotten!, and I attended my first official Pride event, which went about as well as I expected it too, in that I talked to two people in three hours. I never socialize with strangers and I’ve been trying to build up my people-confidence after two years of “talking to another person could literally kill you”, so this is a big win.

I need to do better about reading Canadian for the rest of the year, though. I feel like I’ve been letting that seriously slide. And I’m very hopeful that a lot of my anticipated new releases will come in for me at the library soon!

And as always, in order of how glad I am to have read them, my July reading list:

Babel - R.F. Kuang Robin was taken from his home as a child to be trained as a translator. Now at Oxford, he’s torn: scholarship is wonderful, but it’s used for all the wrong reasons. One person surely can’t change the system…. - Chinese-British main character, Indian, Black, and East Asian secondary characters, Chinese-American author, #ownvoices - warning: deals with colonialism, racism, and classism; contains death and torture

Queer - Frank Wynne Queer writing throughout history, largely from the 19th and 20th centuries - 🏳️‍🌈 authors, authors of colour, 🏳️‍🌈 editor, #ownvoices - warning: homophobia, transphobia, AIDS crisis, dead gays

Siren Queen - Nghi Vo She’ll do anything to be an actor, including selling her soul to a studio. Films have power, after all, and a certain kind of (dark) magic. - Chinese-American main character, 🏳️‍🌈 main character, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters, Vietnamese-American author, 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices

Let's Do It - Bob Stanley A history of Anglo-Western pop music, from the early 1900s to the 1970s. - warning: anti-Black racism in a historical context, including slurs

That's Not My Name! - Anoosha Syed Mirha goes to kindergarten, where everyone thinks her name is hard. - Muslim main character, Pakistani-Canadian author, 🇨🇦

Comeuppance Served Cold - Marion Deeds Dolly gets a job as a sober companion for a wealthy bride-to-be. Dolly is casing the house. A 1920s heist fantasy. - Black secondary characters, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters, blind secondary character - warning: classist and racist characters, violence against women

The Hallowed Hunt - Lois McMaster Bujold A prince has been killed and Ingrey must bring his killer to justice. Arguing self-defense might save her. Her accidental spirit animal might doom her. And there’s much more afoot. - warning: misogynist characters, attempted violence against women, animal death

The Undertakers - Nicole Glover Someone’s been setting fires in Black neighbourhoods and it seems to be connected to Hetty and Benjy’s only unsolved case. - Black cast, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters, Black author, #ownvoices

Downton Shabby - Hopwood DePree A movie producer discovers his distant family’s English estate is crumbling and decides to do something about it.

Hawkeye: Kate Bishop - Marieke Nijkamp with Enid Balám, illustrator Kate Bishop takes a job on her way home from LA. It’s at a resort. For her sister. And there are evil clowns? - 🏳️‍🌈 author

Death by Bubble Tea - Jennifer J. Chow When her cousin comes to town, Yale finds herself drafted into co-running a stall at the LA Night Market. Then one of their customers turns up dead. - Chinese-American cast, Chinese-American author, #ownvoices

Currently reading:

Mint Chocolate Murder - Meri Allen

Riley’s hired to serve ice cream at a gallery opening at a local estate, only for the star photographer to be found dead in a dungeon. - major Black secondary character

Aces Wild - Amanda DeWitt Jack and his asexual support group decide to take down the casino owner who put Jack’s mom in jail. - 🏳️‍🌈 main character, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle Victorian detective stories - major disabled character

 - warning: colonialism, xenophobia

Stats


Monthly total: 11
 Yearly total: 90 + 1
 Queer books: 3
 Authors of colour: 5
 Books by women: 8
 Canadian authors: 1
 Off the TBR shelves: 1
 DNFs: 0

January February March April May June

[renaissanceclassics]

The Pilgrim's Progress: Part 12

Listen to: The 9th Stage continued, at Renaissance Classics Podcast.

Pilgrim's Progress: Pilgrim's Progress: Part One, Section 9 continued... 

I saw then in my dream, that they went till they came into a certain country, whose air naturally tended to make one drowsy, if he came a stranger into it. And here Hopeful began to be very dull and heavy of sleep; wherefore he said unto Christian, I do now begin to grow so drowsy that I can scarcely hold up mine eyes, let us lie down here and take one nap.

Christian:  By no means, said the other, lest sleeping, we never awake more.

Hopeful: Why, my brother? Sleep is sweet to the labouring man; we may be refreshed if we take a nap.

Christian:  Do you not remember that one of the Shepherds bid us beware of the Enchanted Ground? He meant by that that we should beware of sleeping; "Therefore let us not sleep, as do others, but let us watch and be sober." [1 Thess. 5:6]

Hopeful: I acknowledge myself in a fault, and had I been here alone I had by sleeping run the danger of death. I see it is true that the wise man saith, Two are better than one. Hitherto hath thy company been my mercy, and thou shalt have a good reward for thy labour. [Eccl. 9:9]

Christian:  Now then, said Christian, to prevent drowsiness in this place, let us fall into good discourse.

Hopeful: With all my heart, said the other.

Christian:  Where shall we begin?

Hopeful: Where God began with us. But do you begin, if you please.

Christian:  I will sing you first this song:

When saints do sleepy grow, let them come hither, And hear how these two pilgrims talk together: Yea, let them learn of them, in any wise, Thus to keep ope their drowsy slumb'ring eyes. Saints' fellowship, if it be managed well, Keeps them awake, and that in spite of hell.

 Christian:  Then Christian began and said, I will ask you a question. How came you to think at first of so doing as you do now?

Hopeful: Do you mean, how came I at first to look after the good of my soul?

Christian:  Yes, that is my meaning.

Hopeful: I continued a great while in the delight of those things which were seen and sold at our fair; things which, I believe now, would have, had I continued in them, still drowned me in perdition and destruction.

Christian:  What things are they?

Hopeful's life before conversion

Hopeful: All the treasures and riches of the world. Also, I delighted much in rioting, revelling, drinking, swearing, lying, uncleanness, Sabbath-breaking, and what not, that tended to destroy the soul. But I found at last, by hearing and considering of things that are divine, which indeed I heard of you, as also of beloved Faithful that was put to death for his faith and good living in Vanity Fair, that "the end of these things is death". [Rom. 6:21-23] And that for these things' sake "cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience". [Eph. 5:6]

Christian:  And did you presently fall under the power of this conviction?

Hopeful: No, I was not willing presently to know the evil of sin, nor the damnation that follows upon the commission of it; but endeavoured, when my mind at first began to be shaken with the Word, to shut mine eyes against the light thereof.

Christian:  But what was the cause of your carrying of it thus to the first workings of God's blessed Spirit upon you?

Hopeful: The causes were, 1. I was ignorant that this was the work of God upon me. I never thought that, by awakenings for sin, God at first begins the conversion of a sinner. 2. Sin was yet very sweet to my flesh, and I was loath to leave it. 3. I could not tell how to part with mine old companions, their presence and actions were so desirable unto me. 4. The hours in which convictions were upon me were such troublesome and such heart-affrighting hours that I could not bear, no not so much as the remembrance of them, upon my heart.

Christian:  Then, as it seems, sometimes you got rid of your trouble.

Hopeful: Yes, verily, but it would come into my mind again, and then I should be as bad, nay, worse, than I was before.

Christian:  Why, what was it that brought your sins to mind again?

Hopeful: Many things; as,

If I did but meet a good man in the streets; or,

If I have heard any read in the Bible; or,

If mine head did begin to ache; or,

If I were told that some of my neighbours were sick; or,

If I heard the bell toll for some that were dead; or,

If I thought of dying myself; or,

If I heard that sudden death happened to others;

But especially, when I thought of myself, that I must quickly come to judgment.

 Christian:  And could you at any time, with ease, get off the guilt of sin, when by any of these ways it came upon you?

Hopeful: No, not I, for then they got faster hold of my conscience; and then, if I did but think of going back to sin, (though my mind was turned against it), it would be double torment to me.

Christian:  And how did you do then?

Hopeful: I thought I must endeavour to mend my life; for else, thought I, I am sure to be damned.

 Christian:  And did you endeavour to mend?

Hopeful: Yes; and fled from not only my sins, but sinful company too; and betook me to religious duties, as prayer, reading, weeping for sin, speaking truth to my neighbours, &c. These things did I, with many others, too much here to relate.

Christian:  And did you think yourself well then?

Hopeful: Yes, for a while; but at the last, my trouble came tumbling upon me again, and that over the neck of all my reformations.

 Christian:  How came that about, since you were now reformed?

Hopeful: There were several things brought it upon me, especially such sayings as these: "All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags." [Isa. 64:6] "By the works of the law shall no flesh be justified." [Gal. 2:16] "When ye shall have done all those things, say, We are unprofitable", [Luke 17:10] with many more such like. From whence I began to reason with myself thus: If ALL my righteousnesses are filthy rags; if, by the deeds of the law, NO man can be justified; and if, when we have done ALL, we are yet unprofitable, then it is but a folly to think of heaven by the law. I further thought thus: If a man runs a hundred pounds into the shopkeeper's debt, and after that shall pay for all that he shall fetch; yet, if this old debt stands still in the book uncrossed, for that the shopkeeper may sue him, and cast him into prison till he shall pay the debt.

Christian:  Well, and how did you apply this to yourself?

Hopeful: Why; I thought thus with myself. I have, by my sins, run a great way into God's book, and that my now reforming will not pay off that score; therefore I should think still, under all my present amendments, But how shall I be freed from that damnation that I have brought myself in danger of by my former transgressions?

 Christian:  A very good application: but, pray, go on.

Hopeful: Another thing that hath troubled me, even since my late amendments, is, that if I look narrowly into the best of what I do now, I still see sin, new sin, mixing itself with the best of that I do; so that now I am forced to conclude, that notwithstanding my former fond conceits of myself and duties, I have committed sin enough in one duty to send me to hell, though my former life had been faultless.

Christian:  And what did you do then?

Hopeful: Do! I could not tell what to do, until I brake my mind to Faithful, for he and I were well acquainted. And he told me, that unless I could obtain the righteousness of a man that never had sinned, neither mine own, nor all the righteousness of the world could save me.

Christian:  And did you think he spake true?

Hopeful: Had he told me so when I was pleased and satisfied with mine own amendment, I had called him fool for his pains; but now, since I see mine own infirmity, and the sin that cleaves to my best performance, I have been forced to be of his opinion.

 Christian:  But did you think, when at first he suggested it to you, that there was such a man to be found, of whom it might justly be said that he never committed sin?

Hopeful: I must confess the words at first sounded strangely, but after a little more talk and company with him, I had full conviction about it.

Christian:  And did you ask him what man this was, and how you must be justified by him?

Hopeful: Yes, and he told me it was the Lord Jesus, that dwelleth on the right hand of the Most High. And thus, said he, you must be justified by him, even by trusting to what he hath done by himself, in the days of his flesh, and suffered when he did hang on the tree. I asked him further, how that man's righteousness could be of that efficacy to justify another before God? And he told me he was the mighty God, and did what he did, and died the death also, not for himself, but for me; to whom his doings, and the worthiness of them, should be imputed, if I believed on him. [Heb. 10, Rom. 6, Col. 1, 1 Pet. 1]

 Christian:  And what did you do then?

Hopeful: I made my objections against my believing, for that I thought he was not willing to save me.

Christian:  And what said Faithful to you then?

Hopeful: He bid me go to him and see. Then I said it was presumption; but he said, No, for I was invited to come. [Matt. 11:28] Then he gave me a book of Jesus, his inditing, to encourage me the more freely to come; and he said, concerning that book, that every jot and tittle thereof stood firmer than heaven and earth. [Matt. 24:35] Then I asked him, What I must do when I came; and he told me, I must entreat upon my knees, with all my heart and soul, the Father to reveal him to me. [Ps. 95:6, Dan. 6:10, Jer. 29:12,13] Then I asked him further, how I must make my supplication to him? And he said, Go, and thou shalt find him upon a mercy-seat, where he sits all the year long, to give pardon and forgiveness to them that come. I told him that I knew not what to say when I came. And he bid me say to this effect: God be merciful to me a sinner, and make me to know and believe in Jesus Christ; for I see, that if his righteousness had not been, or I have not faith in that righteousness, I am utterly cast away. Lord, I have heard that thou art a merciful God, and hast ordained that thy Son Jesus Christ should be the Saviour of the world; and moreover, that thou art willing to bestow him upon such a poor sinner as I am, (and I am a sinner indeed); Lord, take therefore this opportunity and magnify thy grace in the salvation of my soul, through thy Son Jesus Christ. Amen. [Exo. 25:22, Lev. 16:2, Num. 7:89, Heb. 4:16]

 Christian:  And did you do as you were bidden?

Hopeful: Yes; over, and over, and over.

Christian:  And did the Father reveal his Son to you?

Hopeful: Not at the first, nor second, nor third, nor fourth, nor fifth; no, nor at the sixth time neither.

Christian:  What did you do then?

Hopeful: What! why I could not tell what to do.

Christian:  Had you not thoughts of leaving off praying?

Hopeful: Yes; an hundred times twice told.

Christian:  And what was the reason you did not?

Hopeful: I believed that that was true which had been told me, to wit, that without the righteousness of this Christ, all the world could not save me; and therefore, thought I with myself, if I leave off I die, and I can but die at the throne of grace. And withal, this came into my mind, "Though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." [Heb. 2:3] So I continued praying until the Father showed me his Son.

 Christian:  And how was he revealed unto you?

Hopeful: I did not see him with my bodily eyes, but with the eyes of my understanding; [Eph. 1:18,19] and thus it was: One day I was very sad, I think sadder than at any one time in my life, and this sadness was through a fresh sight of the greatness and vileness of my sins. And as I was then looking for nothing but hell, and the everlasting damnation of my soul, suddenly, as I thought, I saw the Lord Jesus Christ look down from heaven upon me, and saying, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved." [Acts 16:30,31]

But I replied, Lord, I am a great, a very great sinner. And he answered, "My grace is sufficient for thee." [2 Cor.12:9] Then I said, But, Lord, what is believing? And then I saw from that saying, "He that cometh to me shall never hunger, and he that believeth on me shall never thirst", that believing and coming was all one; and that he that came, that is, ran out in his heart and affections after salvation by Christ, he indeed believed in Christ. [John 6:35] Then the water stood in mine eyes, and I asked further. But, Lord, may such a great sinner as I am be indeed accepted of thee, and be saved by thee? And I heard him say, "And him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out." [John 6:37] Then I said, But how, Lord, must I consider of thee in my coming to thee, that my faith may be placed aright upon thee? Then he said, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners." [1 Tim. 1:15] "He is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth." [Rom. 10:4] "He died for our sins, and rose again for our justification." [Rom. 4:25] "He loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood." [Rev. 1:5] "He is mediator betwixt God and us." [1 Tim. 2:5] "He ever liveth to make intercession for us." [Heb. 7:24,25] From all which I gathered, that I must look for righteousness in his person, and for satisfaction for my sins by his blood; that what he did in obedience to his Father's law, and in submitting to the penalty thereof, was not for himself, but for him that will accept it for his salvation, and be thankful. And now was my heart full of joy, mine eyes full of tears, and mine affections running over with love to the name, people, and ways of Jesus Christ.

 Christian:  This was a revelation of Christ to your soul indeed; but tell me particularly what effect this had upon your spirit.

Hopeful: It made me see that all the world, notwithstanding all the righteousness thereof, is in a state of condemnation. It made me see that God the Father, though he be just, can justly justify the coming sinner. It made me greatly ashamed of the vileness of my former life, and confounded me with the sense of mine own ignorance; for there never came thought into my heart before now that showed me so the beauty of Jesus Christ. It made me love a holy life, and long to do something for the honour and glory of the name of the Lord Jesus; yea, I thought that had I now a thousand gallons of blood in my body, I could spill it all for the sake of the Lord Jesus.

I saw then in my dream that Hopeful looked back and saw Ignorance, whom they had left behind, coming after. Look, said he to Christian, how far yonder youngster loitereth behind.

Christian:  Ay, ay, I see him; he careth not for our company.

Hopeful: But I trow it would not have hurt him had he kept pace with us hitherto.

Christian:  That is true; but I warrant you he thinketh otherwise.

Hopeful: That, I think, he doth; but, however, let us tarry for him. So they did.

Then Christian said to him, Come away, man, why do you stay so behind?

Ignorance: I take my pleasure in walking alone, even more a great deal than in company, unless I like it the better.

Then said Christian to Hopeful, (but softly), Did I not tell you he cared not for our company? But, however, said he, come up, and let us talk away the time in this solitary place. Then directing his speech to Ignorance, he said, Come, how do you? How stands it between God and your soul now?

Ignorance's hope, and the ground of it

Ignorance: I hope well; for I am always full of good motions, that come into my mind, to comfort me as I walk.

Christian:  What good motions? pray, tell us.

Ignorance: Why, I think of God and heaven.

Christian:  So do the devils and damned souls.

Ignorance: But I think of them and desire them.

Christian:  So do many that are never like to come there. "The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing." [Prov. 13:4]

Ignorance: But I think of them, and leave all for them.

Christian:  That I doubt; for leaving all is a hard matter: yea, a harder matter than many are aware of. But why, or by what, art thou persuaded that thou hast left all for God and heaven.

Ignorance: My heart tells me so.

Christian:  The wise man says, "He that trusts his own heart is a fool." [Prov. 28:26]

Ignorance: This is spoken of an evil heart, but mine is a good one.

Christian:  But how dost thou prove that?

Ignorance: It comforts me in hopes of heaven.

Christian:  That may be through its deceitfulness; for a man's heart may minister comfort to him in the hopes of that thing for which he yet has no ground to hope.

Ignorance: But my heart and life agree together, and therefore my hope is well grounded.

Christian:  Who told thee that thy heart and life agree together?

Ignorance: My heart tells me so.

Christian:  Ask my fellow if I be a thief! Thy heart tells thee so! Except the Word of God beareth witness in this matter, other testimony is of no value.

Ignorance: But is it not a good heart that hath good thoughts? and is not that a good life that is according to God's commandments?

Christian:  Yes, that is a good heart that hath good thoughts, and that is a good life that is according to God's commandments; but it is one thing, indeed, to have these, and another thing only to think so.

Ignorance: Pray, what count you good thoughts, and a life according to God's commandments?

Christian:  There are good thoughts of divers kinds; some respecting ourselves, some God, some Christ, and some other things.

Ignorance: What be good thoughts respecting ourselves?

Christian:  Such as agree with the Word of God.

Ignorance: When do our thoughts of ourselves agree with the Word of God?

Christian:  When we pass the same judgment upon ourselves which the Word passes. To explain myself the Word of God saith of persons in a natural condition, "There is none righteous, there is none that doeth good." [Rom. 3] It saith also, that "every imagination of the heart of man is only evil, and that continually." [Gen. 6:5] And again, "The imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth." [Rom. 8:21] Now then, when we think thus of ourselves, having sense thereof, then are our thoughts good ones, because according to the Word of God.

Ignorance: I will never believe that my heart is thus bad.

Christian:  Therefore thou never hadst one good thought concerning thyself in thy life. But let me go on. As the Word passeth a judgment upon our heart, so it passeth a judgment upon our ways; and when OUR thoughts of our hearts and ways agree with the judgment which the Word giveth of both, then are both good, because agreeing thereto.

Ignorance: Make out your meaning.

Christian:  Why, the Word of God saith that man's ways are crooked ways; not good, but perverse. [Ps. 125:5, Prov. 2:15] It saith they are naturally out of the good way, that they have not known it. [Rom. 3] Now, when a man thus thinketh of his ways, I say, when he doth sensibly, and with heart-humiliation, thus think, then hath he good thoughts of his own ways, because his thoughts now agree with the judgment of the Word of God.

Ignorance: What are good thoughts concerning God?

Christian:  Even as I have said concerning ourselves, when our thoughts of God do agree with what the Word saith of him; and that is, when we think of his being and attributes as the Word hath taught, of which I cannot now discourse at large; but to speak of him with reference to us: Then we have right thoughts of God, when we think that he knows us better than we know ourselves, and can see sin in us when and where we can see none in ourselves; when we think he knows our inmost thoughts, and that our heart, with all its depths, is always open unto his eyes; also, when we think that all our righteousness stinks in his nostrils, and that, therefore, he cannot abide to see us stand before him in any confidence, even in all our best performances.

Ignorance: Do you think that I am such a fool as to think God can see no further than I? or, that I would come to God in the best of my performances?

Christian:  Why, how dost thou think in this matter?

Ignorance: Why, to be short, I think I must believe in Christ for justification.

Christian:  How! think thou must believe in Christ, when thou seest not thy need of him! Thou neither seest thy original nor actual infirmities; but hast such an opinion of thyself, and of what thou dost, as plainly renders thee to be one that did never see a necessity of Christ's personal righteousness to justify thee before God. How, then, dost thou say, I believe in Christ?

Ignorance: I believe well enough for all that.

Christian:  How dost thou believe?

Ignorance: I believe that Christ died for sinners, and that I shall be justified before God from the curse, through his gracious acceptance of my obedience to his law. Or thus, Christ makes my duties, that are religious, acceptable to his Father, by virtue of his merits; and so shall I be justified.

 Christian:  Let me give an answer to this confession of thy Faithful:  

1. Thou believest with a fantastical faith; for this faith is nowhere described in the Word.

2. Thou believest with a false faith; because it taketh justification from the personal righteousness of Christ, and applies it to thy own.

3. This faith maketh not Christ a justifier of thy person, but of thy actions; and of thy person for thy actions' sake, which is false.

4. Therefore, this faith is deceitful, even such as will leave thee under wrath, in the day of God Almighty; for true justifying faith puts the soul, as sensible of its condition by the law, upon flying for refuge unto Christ's righteousness, which righteousness of his is not an act of grace, by which he maketh for justification, thy obedience accepted with God; but his personal obedience to the law, in doing and suffering for us what that required at our hands; this righteousness, I say, true faith accepteth; under the skirt of which, the soul being shrouded, and by it presented as spotless before God, it is accepted, and acquit from condemnation.

Ignorance: What! would you have us trust to what Christ, in his own person, has done without us? This conceit would loosen the reins of our lust, and tolerate us to live as we list; for what matter how we live, if we may be justified by Christ's personal righteousness from all, when we believe it?

Christian:  Ignorance is thy name, and as thy name is, so art thou; even this thy answer demonstrateth what I say. Ignorant thou art of what justifying righteousness is, and as ignorant how to secure thy soul, through the faith of it, from the heavy wrath of God. Yea, thou also art ignorant of the true effects of saving faith in this righteousness of Christ, which is, to bow and win over the heart to God in Christ, to love his name, his word, ways, and people, and not as thou ignorantly imaginest.

Hopeful: Ask him if ever he had Christ revealed to him from heaven.

Ignorance: What! you are a man for revelations! I believe that what both you, and all the rest of you, say about that matter, is but the fruit of distracted brains.

Hopeful: Why, man! Christ is so hid in God from the natural apprehensions of the flesh, that he cannot by any man be savingly known, unless God the Father reveals him to them.

Ignorance: That is your faith, but not mine; yet mine, I doubt not, is as good as yours, though I have not in my head so many whimsies as you.

Christian:  Give me leave to put in a word. You ought not so slightly to speak of this matter; for this I will boldly affirm, even as my good companion hath done, that no man can know Jesus Christ but by the revelation of the Father; [Matt. 11:27] yea, and faith too, by which the soul layeth hold upon Christ, if it be right, must be wrought by the exceeding greatness of his mighty power; the working of which faith, I perceive, poor Ignorance, thou art ignorant of. [1 Cor. 12:3, Eph. 1:18,19] Be awakened, then, see thine own wretchedness, and fly to the Lord Jesus; and by his righteousness, which is the righteousness of God, for he himself is God, thou shalt be delivered from condemnation.

Ignorance: You go so fast, I cannot keep pace with you. Do you go on before; I must stay a while behind.

Then they said

Well, Ignorance, wilt thou yet foolish be, To slight good counsel, ten times given thee? And if thou yet refuse it, thou shalt know, Ere long, the evil of thy doing so. Remember, man, in time, stoop, do not fear; Good counsel taken well, saves: therefore hear. But if thou yet shalt slight it, thou wilt be The loser, (Ignorance), I'll warrant thee.

[houseofhurricane]

As I’m preparing for the ACOTAR (Re)Read, I’ve been thinking a lot about my first experience reading the series. Namely: I had absolutely no idea what it would be about.

It had been a while since I’d read a fantasy series, and I had purposely avoided finding out much about ACOTAR. By the time I read it, in the summer of 2020, I’d just heard the series mentioned enough on some favorite podcasts that I thought I might as well give it a try. I purchased the entire series shortly after giving my two weeks notice at a horrible job, and read it all during the first slow weeks at my current job. I had not had a reading experience like ACOTAR since I first read the Harry Potter books, where I just wanted to consume it whole. (A few months later, I would be even worse with Throne of Glass — no other series has repeatedly kept me up until four in the morning — because there’s some particular magic in Sarah J. Maas’ writing.)

But going back to how I had no idea what was coming with ACOTAR. I thought, from the titles and some of the early sections, that Feyre would journey from court to court, “leveling up” whatever powers she acquired. I also made some incorrect predictions about who would be important in the books to come, particularly as regards the mercenary who shows up in chapter 3, when Feyre goes to the market to sell the wolf pelt.

In my defense, when you revisit the description, she sounds like she’s going to be important:

And then there was the unknown: a mountain of a woman sitting on the lip of our broken square fountain, without any cart or stall, but looking like she was holding court nonetheless. The scars and weapons on her marked her easily enough. A mercenary… I approached the mercenary, whose thick, dark hair was shorn to her chin. Her tan face seemed hewn of granite, and her black eyes narrowed slightly at the sight of me. Such interesting eyes—not just one shade of black but…many, with hints of brown that glimmered amongst the shadows. I pushed against that useless part of my mind, the instincts that had me thinking about color and light and shape, and kept my shoulders back as she assessed me as a potential threat or employer. The weapons on her—gleaming and wicked—were enough to make me swallow. And stop a good two feet away. ”I don’t barter goods for my services,” she said, her voice clipped with an accent I’d never heard before. “I only accept coin.”

I was instantly more fascinated by this mercenary than any other character in the novel at this point. She is the only character we’ve encountered who doesn’t fit easily into a fairytale type. And, now that I’ve read all of Maas’s novels, I’m very intrigued by the fact that she’s introduced similarly to many of the male love interests, with her size, eyes, and a face like granite being described. We also see Feyre contemplating her as a potential painting, which she will generally do with characters of significance. She provides us with important information on faeries that propels the narrative and foreshadows future developments. In short, I don’t think it was one of my bad predictions to expect that this mercenary would be important.

Only, this character never shows up again.

Her absence actually becomes more glaring to me as I consider the ACOTAR series as a whole. We will see Feyre exchange her hunting clothes for Illyrian armor and gorgeous gowns. We will see Nesta set aside her sober, modest dresses to don armor. They’re described as beautiful by everyone who encounters them, just as often as they’re described as powerful. Sarah J. Maas has said in interviews that it’s important to her that her badass heroines are not afraid of their feminine sides, and that’s something we see in all of her lead characters.

However, there’s not a character like the mercenary, not even among the secondary characters of ACOTAR, whose lack of outward femininity seems natural, chosen, not a product of fear or desperation. Her life might lead her to happier places or to a found family, but it seems unlikely to me that she would change her style of dress.

I think it’s important that choosing traditionally feminine presentation doesn’t rob women of their power. But I also love reading about women who aren’t necessarily conventionally beautiful or feminine and are just as badass, contented, and loved. Only, it’s much harder to find these characters.

While I fully understand that every author has their central stories, and I think one of Maas’ is that feminine women can also be strong, I still find myself wishing that I’d been wrong in those opening chapters of ACOTAR. That this mercenary had become important. That we’d see her again, this glorious, fearless mountain of a woman, and she’d be thriving.

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A couple of quick notes:

If you want to join the ACOTAR (Re)Read, you can join the group Discord here. We started yesterday, July 8, and we'd love to have you! You can download the optional series reading plan here.

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