#some things have gotten better over the years and i can either manage to eat them or at least the smell doesn't prevent me eating

[actualaster]

I think some people genuinely don't grasp the concept of "sensory issues" when it comes to things like food.

A food sensory issue is not "I don't want to eat that because it isn't my preferred flavor"

A food sensory issue is "something about the taste/texture/smell of this is incompatible with my brain and it makes me gag and if you try to force that into me I will choke on it and/or throw up"

A food sensory issue is "something set me off and now I can't eat for hours because I feel sick to my stomach and there isn't a way to fix that especially if the sensory trigger is lingering like a smell"

A food sensory issue is "you might as well have asked me to eat a bowl full of rocks because this is about as edible to me, no matter how much I wish that weren't the case"

A food sensory issue is "I haven't eaten anything decent in 3 days because I haven't had a chance to go to the store and I don't have anything left I'm physically capable of eating"

A food sensory issue is "I'm super fucking hungry but I took one bite and no matter how hard I tried to eat it I automatically gagged it back out because my body completely rejects it because of the taste/texture/smell"

A food sensory issue is "struggling to maintain a passable diet so you don't have a bunch of deficiencies because what you can eat is restricted"

Quite frankly, food sensory issues should really be treated similarly to food allergies in that you cannot safely try to trick or force a person to eat them.

[ame-to-ame]

there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

[lucyandthepen]

last young renegade | jjh

summary: your valentine’s day plans with jaehyun may have gone down the drain just a little. (okay — a lot.)

pairing: jaehyun x reader verse: canon, idol!verse rating: t warnings&tags: reader & jaehyun are in an established relationship, quite frankly there is nothing too out of the ordinary in this fic which is a shocker, it’s a rewritten fic so pls excuse any errors I may not have caught! word count: 5.02k

a/n: happy 2024 friends and family !!!!!! and advanced happy birthday to the man who created valentine’s day, he who is perhaps my first love in nct, jaehyun! this is actually just a fic I’ve been hoping to re-write a bit from before, and since it’s valentine’s themed, what better time to post it!! Enjoy enjoy, and may this year bring more fun, laughs, love (and debauchery) to this blog!

Yᴏᴜ sᴀɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ sɪᴄᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴏғ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ, ɴɪɢʜᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀʏ.

♡ jaehyunnie ♡ I know I said birthday dinner but practice is running so late ㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie ♡ Can we meet after? I’m sorry ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ How about I call you when we’re done? Maybe 11:30?

At times like this, you often wonder if it’s all worth it.  

You know thinking that way is counterproductive, not to mention a little unfair. You knew exactly what to expect, getting into an under-wraps relationship with an idol, and so far, it’s lived up to most of your assumptions, and then some. It doesn’t help that Jaehyun, even just by name, tends to attract an unbelievable amount of attention. You know you can’t blame him; it’s not like he wants to be high on the radar every time, either. For some reason, though, you seem to be looking for something or someone to blame, which you also know is a dead end. You have no one to pin the blame onto apart from yourself by frequently generating doubts that keep your mind running around in circles.  

It’s not even the sneaking around that gets tiring; it’s the waiting — waiting on calls, waiting on free time, waiting on a good opportunity to do something that doesn’t involve him suddenly getting pulled out to attend to one of many of his celebrity responsibilities. Over the last few years that you’ve dated, NCT has only ever gotten more popular; with that popularity came the fact that the public eye was trained on them, focusing on every microscopic detail of their lives. Jaehyun hates that more than anything, which is why he’s given up on trying to avoid it by practically escaping it altogether, locking himself up in the dorm with you when he has his precious few days off. 

While it’s true that you definitely don’t miss having to play espionage when going out for a cup of coffee with him, you’ve also managed to memorize every single inch of Jaehyun’s room, which isn’t good for your mentality, you’re pretty sure. You have to keep reminding him to open the window whenever the both of you are in there, because all you do is stay in and watch English movies without subtitles to see who can understand the most without asking questions (obviously, he always wins) while eating food he runs up and down the stairs to get every other hour. And while him trying to imitate the British accents on these shows is genuinely funny, you’re starting to suspect even he’s starting to get tired of watching Harry Potter over and over again. Twenty hours sounds like a long time unless you spend every twenty-hour period you have together marathoning the exact same films. Much to both of your disappointment, your suggestion to watch it totally out of order did not make it cooler.

Still, you suppose it’s not all bad. Jaehyun also taught you how to play Fortnite on a couple of his days off back to back, and while you hadn’t been as good a player as you both had hoped, he’d still patiently waited for you every time you got lost on the map. He’d even given you his account’s password with the sentiment that this was him ‘taking things to the next level with you,’ and you get to log into his account and play whenever you want; he doesn’t even get mad when you’ve wasted all the stuff he’s farmed on your subpar gaming skills. And, well, the bigger picture was that you loved him. Based on how much effort he put into the relationship, plus the bonus of his trust in you when it came to his Fortnite account, you could at least be confident in that he returned the sentiment.  

Except, sometimes, you still wonder if it would be easier for the both of you if he flew solo and didn’t have a girlfriend that tanked all of his player’s ammo and health kits and generally made a fool out of his cute little avatar while he was out breaking his back onstage.  

You aren’t sure if Jaehyun’s been noticing the turmoil in you; you’re not that good at hiding how you feel, anyway, but if he has, he hasn’t said anything thus far. You do observe how much more he texts you when he has free time, which makes you feel doubly bad, because you know that he’s spending precious minutes he could be resting with on talking to you instead, which isn’t the best trade-off for someone who’s constantly busy — and thereby constantly tired — like him.  

♡ jaehyunnie♡ ___________ I’m going to practice again, okay? Wait for my call ㅠㅠ You I’ll wait for your call ♡ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ I love you ㅠㅠㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ You love me too — a lot, right? I’ll keep my phone now, but I’ll make sure to check that you said so. ㅋㅋㅋ You Right! ㅎ I love you a lot! ♡

When the clock hits 12:01, and your phone is silent, your mind starts working on overtime again. It’s only when the special ringtone you’ve set for him comes to life at half-past midnight that you break your train of thought and put on your socks so you can meet Jaehyun at your front door.  

You’ve made a rule — sort of like a deal — between the two of you that apologies aren’t necessary when work holds you up. You’ve cashed in on that deal a couple of times, but you’re both aware that it’s more for Jaehyun’s sake than anything else, and he keeps to his word on that much when you open the door and duck into his car. All he does is smile at you, and you smile back, and for the rest of the car ride, everything seems okay.  

He always asks you about your day — unfailingly, at any chance he can. It’s never an off-handed question, either; Jaehyun takes great pride in his memory, and the sweetest thing about him is that he’s dedicated a good deal of it to knowing almost everything about you. Right now is no different. He asks you about your team manager, what you had for lunch; he grills you on if you took your vitamins today and if you got to break in the new shoes you bought online — the ones you’d been pining over for the last three months. He even asks you about the guy from the neighboring department who keeps asking you out for after-work drinks.  

“He wanted to go to Hongdae tonight,” you tell him as he slows for a red light. “There’s some new pub of his friend’s doing a soft opening there tonight.”  

“You could have gone.” He keeps his eyes on the road. “I wouldn’t have minded.”  

“I didn’t want to.”

“Good.” He glances at you, a grin slowly spreading on his lips. “Because I lied. I might have minded a little. Or, you know, a lot.”  

“Don’t tell me after all these years, you’ve turned into the kind of boyfriend that doesn’t let his girlfriend go out without him.”

“That’s impossible for me, and you know that,” he chuckles. “You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Just not with that guy from the other department.”

“Don’t worry.” You tinker with the little charm dangling on your phone — half of a flat, metal heart dangling from a gold chain that Jaehyun had given you two years back on your birthday. He keeps the other half, but since he can’t freely attach it to any of his belongings, he keeps it wedged between the back of his phone and its case. You like watching him change the backing because he does it so carefully, like he’s worried the other half of the heart is going to break if he rips off the case willy nilly. “I told him my boyfriend and I were going out on a date tonight, so he backed off. Although he did wonder why I keep talking about a boyfriend he’s never seen.”

“And? What did you say?”

“I said it was none of his damn business.”  

Jaehyun laughs loudly, and you go along with him, but you don’t miss how tired he looks when he sobers down, the green light illuminating all the shadows on his face as he steps on the gas again.

Nothing good is open this late at night — that is, nothing you haven’t seen before. You hadn’t even expected to go out at all, but since it was the day before Valentine’s Day as well as his birthday (or it would have been, if you hadn’t waited until midnight), Jaehyun had wanted to do something special without having to run into a huge crowd of couples on the day itself. Your only option is this from-out-of-town carnival that’s set up in tents and even has a medium-sized ferris wheel by the edge of the metal barricade. The parking lot is practically empty when Jaehyun pulls into a slot; you joke that he should break one rule and park in two slots, which he smugly replies to by saying he couldn’t park badly even if he tried.  

He tucks your hair back behind your ears as he loops the strings of a face mask around them, using another one for himself. Between that and the brim of his cap, you can barely see his eyes. The only knowledge that you have that you’re walking next to the man you love is that he takes your hand in his, slender fingers finding their way between yours.  

The carnival is half-closed when you get to the middle of it; there are still a few stragglers, but half the kiosks have their lights off already. There’s a woman dressed in flashy clothes standing on a patch of dead grass a few feet away, and she’s holding a hoop that a ginger cat is jumping through. Jaehyun steers you to them, and you stand there for a good five minute watching the cat roll on the ground and stand on its hind legs, but you can tell it’s been going it at for most of the day because at one point, it just ignores the lady, opting to weave its way between Jaehyun’s and your legs instead. You do have a pretty good time when he picks it up and cradles it in his arms so you can pet it for a second, but it just hisses when its owner approaches and jumps out of his hold, disappearing behind a row of trash bins.  

Jaehyun doesn’t have anything in his wallet apart from his credit cards and 50,000 won, and the coin machine operator says he only has enough coins left to break down 5,000 won for the games, so you end up having to jog back to his car so you can fish out some coins from inside his glove compartment. You come up with a grand total of 1,500 won, and you have to sheepishly go back to the coin machine operator to change four 100 coins and a couple of 50s just to get the last 500. Jaehyun tells you to hold onto the three coins so he doesn’t run off with them entirely and leave you destitute.  

You learn you can only do three things at most — you dedicate 500 won for the Ferris wheel entry tickets, which leaves you with 500 won each. The both of you agree on choosing one kiosk to play in, and with only about five left that are open, you don’t really have that many options. You end up dragging Jaehyun over to a stall with a pond filled with those magnetic toy fish, but 500 won only gets you one fishing rod. Since it’s your choice, Jaehyun lets you play, but you feel kind of stupid doing it on your own with him just watching you. In the end, he decides to stand behind you, his arms around your waist like he thinks closer contact isn’t even more distracting. You do manage to fish out 10 fish and win a small bear on a keychain. It doesn’t even pass through your hands as Jaehyun takes it from the stall operator immediately. 

“That’s mine!” You whine, reaching out in vain to take it from him; he just holds it high over his head. His eyes are twinkling under the shadow his cap casts over his face. “I worked hard for that.”  

“Let me keep this one,” he mimics the pleading lilt in your voice. “I’ll put it on my bag.”

“You know you can’t! Give it back.”

“I’ll win you a bigger one,” he promises. “Let me keep this one. It’s cute. It reminds me of you. I’ll kiss it goodnight before I sleep.” He starts to laugh softly. “And then you’ll feel this weird spirit kissing you at like two in the morning, and you’ll know it’s me.”  

Your arms aren’t long enough to retrieve it, and you don’t really want to, so you settle with twisting his ear. He takes it in stride even if he over-acts, making pained noises while leading you to the kiosk he wants to go to. It’s a shooting range stall, and he pays his own precious 500 won for a dart gun. He’s barely paying attention when the guy starts explaining how many points are assigned to each balloon color, more concerned with talking to the bear keychain in his hand and pretending like he’s cooing at you. You have to hit him across the shoulder to get him to focus.  

“You need to start picking out what prize you want,” he tells you — the actual you, not the animal keychain version — as he lifts the dart gun.  

“I’ll wait for you to finish first.”  

“No way.” He tilts his head, closing one eye to steady his line of sight. “Pick already. Or just go for the biggest one.”

“You know that Fortnite and dart guns aren’t the same thing, right?”  

“Yeah, but I’m well-motivated.” He grins at you, one eye still shut. He looks like a baby pirate. “Go ahead. Pick the biggest one.”

“Why don’t you just shoot, and we’ll see.”  

“Pick it,” he insists. “Tell me you have faith in me. Tell me you love me.”

“Okay, I love you,” you agree. “But I have no faith in you when it comes to this.”  

“One out of two is fine,” he concedes, taking aim.  

All three of you, including the stall operator, let out a disappointed groan when he misses his first shot. His comes with a sheepish laugh as he reloads, suddenly telling you to pick the second biggest prize instead. You can’t even watch him miss over and over, so you pretend to be interested in a bunch of teenage boys playing a game of cups one stall over, trying not to giggle when you hear him get increasingly more frustrated at himself. When you turn back around, you notice he’s holding two small pieces of gummy candy, offering one to you like a kindergartener. He helps you tug your face mask down so you can eat it.  

There’s a food stall nearby that, thankfully, accepts credit and debit; Jaehyun fishes out his card to get you a corndog — only one because he’s watching his weight for the upcoming concert, apparently. This is information you hate hearing but have no say in, and he knows this; you know he does because he says ‘don’t worry about me’ totally out of the blue, like five minutes after the conversation ceases to be relevant.  

His phone starts ringing when the food comes out, and he takes a tiny bite of it — more bread than hotdog — before he answers. You know it’s Taeyong by the way he answers.  

“Hyung, sorry — can we talk later? I’m out with ____________.”  

Taeyong says something loud but indiscernible on the other end. You piece together that it’s about tomorrow’s schedule when Jaehyun speaks again.

“I know. I’ll be home in a bit; don’t worry about it. I haven’t forgotten.”  

There’s more garbled speech on the other line; Jaehyun gestures for you to keep eating, and you do, but you more concerned with the morphing expressions on his face than you are with the act of chewing. He’s making noncommittal noises in response to what seem to be commands and reminders. You’re pretty much done with the corndog by the time he says ‘Okay, hyung. Hyung — I’ll see you later, okay?’

“Taeyong hyung says hi,” he tells you once he’s hung up the phone. “He says you still need to give back that book you borrowed from him last year.”  

“Oh yeah,” you finish off the last of the food. “I’ll drop it off within the week.”  

“Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t actually mean it.”  

Jaehyun watches you snap the stick in half and toss it in the trash bag.  

“We can go home,” you say finally. His eyebrows shoot up. “You’re busy tomorrow. I forgot.”

“I didn’t forget, and it’s fine.”  

“It’s almost two in the morning.” You check your phone to verify. “You probably have to be up in a few hours. You need to sleep, or you’ll die, Jaehyun. I’m too young to be a grieving widow.”

“Let’s at least ride the Ferris wheel,” he suggests. Before you can protest, he tugs you towards the rickety contraption, digging the 500 won out of your pocket and handing it to the bemused operator. He lets you choose what carriage you want because literally no one is on it anymore, and Jaehyun asks for the best carriage. You’re not sure how it differs from the rest, but he makes a show out of guiding you into it, and you don’t miss the corny ‘my lady,’ he mutters under his breath.   

It’s small, clearly meant for either a tiny group of children or couples who want to be as close together as possible. It’s also not air-conditioned, and only one of the windows is open, so you end up sticking to Jaehyun’s arm on the way up. The view is still great, though, and you feel his hand settle on your knee as the carriage makes it slow ascent.  

The ride up is quiet, and you press your face as close to the glass of the carriage as you dare, but Jaehyun doesn’t move an inch. His hand is still heavy on your thigh, but it doesn’t do anything but lay there. When you’re close to the top, you’re hit with the urge to do something romantic — kiss, maybe, tell him happy birthday, or say ‘I love you’ to him in the most sickening way possible — but when you turn to look at him, you have to hold your tongue.

Jaehyun is asleep, leaning against the corner of the carriage, head tilted down a little. His shoulders are rising and falling slowly, and he’s pulled down his face mask a little so he can breathe better; his lips are slightly parted by the slackening of his jaw. His left hand is shoved in his pocket, like he’d passed out halfway through reaching for something in there.  

He doesn’t wake even when you move slightly so you can lean back next to him, rocking the carriage a little — not even when you reach up and adjust his head so he can rest on your shoulder. He breathes deeply, evenly, and you wonder if his ear against your shoulder allows him to hear your heart plummet unfairly to the bottom of your stomach.  

You have to shake him to rouse him when the ride comes to an end; when he opens his eyes and realizes what happened, he looks mortified. Instinctively, he opens his mouth, but you fling the carriage door open and step out before he can apologize.

You have a deal, and he knows what he shouldn’t be doing.

His grip on your hand is much tighter as you walk back to the parking lot, and he doesn’t let go, even on the road. The trip back is quieter, maybe because it’s late, or maybe because there are a ton of things the both of you want to say but can’t.  

He slows down when he gets to your street, but when he stops in front of your building, he doesn’t immediately unlock the doors to let you out. Instead, he turns to you, licking his lips a little nervously.

“Can you…” he clears his throat because his voice cracks a little on the first attempt. “Can you come back with me? To the dorm?”  

“I have work tomorrow, Jaehyun.”  

“It’s still at eleven, isn’t it? I can bring you home before that. You still have some stuff in my room. You can get ready there.”

“Won’t you be too busy?”  

“Just—” he sighs softly. “Can you? Please?”  

You don’t know how to say no to Jaehyun, and tonight isn’t a night you’re willing to try. It’s why fifteen minutes later, you’re walking through the front door of his dorm. Donghyuck, sitting at his computer in his room with the door ajar, greets you sleepily as you pass by.  

Jaehyun steps in the shower with you; you don’t talk, maybe because you’re worried you might wake the others up if you start a full-blown conversation in a bathroom surrounded by other bedrooms. He just passes you what you need, and you do the same for him, and somewhere in between, he kisses you under the spray of the water.  

Later, he falls asleep with a face mask on, and you have to peel it off for him and toss it into the trash. The tip of his nose is shiny, and you want to kiss it, but you know it’ll wake him, and you noticed he’d set his alarm to go off two hours from now. He’s set out a couple of earplugs for you so that you don’t hear it, but you don’t put them in. You want to see him before he leaves, even if it’s in the deadest hours of morning, so you just crawl into bed with him. A minute before you doze off, you feel his damp skin press against your neck, his form curled up against your back.  

The alarm never wakes you; the sun is out when you open your eyes, and when you check your phone, you see that it’s already half-past nine. You also notice that there’s nothing from Jaehyun on your screen, but you try not to dwell on that, considering that you’d been expecting to wake up to an empty bed. His side of the mattress is cold, which means that he’s been gone for some time.  

You don’t know if it’s just because you’re groggy, but your insides still feel like lead when you sit up. The part of you that nags about this relationship is back at full force when you start thinking about Jaehyun going to a pre-recording two hours after spending the last of his energy on you. You start wondering if you’re doing the right thing if it feels like you’re just dragging him down. Your heart clenches tightly when the worst thought hits — maybe, just maybe, he’s tired of you, too.

But you won’t let him go. More to the point — you can’t. He’s the best part of your life; it’d be a cold day in hell if you decided to leave him.

Even the thought of it makes you feel like dying.  

Then again, this isn’t all up to you.  

You’re rubbing the sleep out of your eyes — and maybe a couple of frustrated tears — when the door creaks open. You see two mugs and his hands before you see the rest of him come through the doorway. Jaehyun whispers a careful good morning as he sets the coffee down on his table, making sure to push his keyboard away to avoid accidents, before sitting down next to you. You notice that there’s an envelope next to one of the mugs; the flap is slightly open, and from under it, a flash of red peeks out.  

His hand finds its way back to your knee — it’s his favorite resting place, he’s told you once. Your lap feels like home, he’d joked. Maybe he touches it every so often because it’s like a reset button for him.  

He doesn’t ask if you slept well, or if you want to get ready before having your coffee, or if you’re okay. He just squeezes your knee a little tighter. It’s you that has to start the conversation this time.

“How did it go?”

“It went great. You’ll see it on TV later tonight,” he starts rubbing your thigh idly. “You’ll watch it later, right?”  

“Of course. I’ll call you and tell you how cool you look.”  

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. When you lapse into silence again, it’s because you’re expecting him to say something, but he doesn’t come out with it directly. You try not to let it show that you’re worried, that you’re skeptical, that you’re wondering if he thinks he’s too tired, too busy for this, too.  

You’re expecting him to start how most break-ups start. You know I love you, right? And then the telltale but… would come, and you would have to hold back your tears and smile for him, and tell him you know, and that you understand it isn’t the right time, but maybe one day, someday, when he isn’t everyone’s Jung Jaehyun anymore — only yours.  

“You love me, right?”  

It’s not what you’d been expecting. Nor is it the playful little text he’d sent — no laughs, no jokes. His expression is somber, mouth pressed into a thin line.  

“You know I do.”

“A lot, right?”

“A lot,” you confirm softly.  

“Then whatever it is that you’re thinking about us,” he says quietly. “Don’t. Don’t think it. Don’t do it.”  

“Jaehyun—”

“I know it’s hard,” his fingers dig into your skin a little. “I know I put you through a lot. I know you think that I’m suffering because of this relationship too. I know everything. But whatever you think I’m going to do, I won’t do it — not ever. So if you’re thinking of it too, I’m begging you. Don’t. Please.”  

Maybe he had noticed all this time. A wave of guilt washes over you when you see the pained look on his face; perhaps you were even more transparent than you’d originally thought. You nod slowly to show your understanding, and he continues.  

“I know yesterday wasn’t the best you could have hoped for,” he carefully avoids apologizing, although it’s written all over his features. “For me, too. I… I wanted something different. It’ll be better next time. Do you believe me?”  

You hear him swallow — his nails are biting into your thigh a little, so you have to gently peel his hand off. Your fingers replace it, tightening around his palm as you nod.

“I believe you.”  

“And you trust me, right?”

“With my life.”  

“Then can you put your faith in me right now?” He asks. “Don’t panic. Just — just say yes.”

He pats around his pants, finally deciding to slip his hand into his left-hand pocket. Unlike on the Ferris wheel, he manages to extract something, but he keeps it closed in his fist. It’s shaking a little as he takes your hand in his other one, pressing something small and hard into your palm before he curls your fingers over it. His hold keeps your fist closed as he starts talking.

“It’s not immediate. We’ll figure it out. We’ll tell the right people, and they’ll help us tell everyone else — the public, the press. It doesn’t have to happen right now, or any time soon either— not if you don’t want it to. We can take it slow, or whatever. Anything you want — just as long as it’s with me.”  

“Jaehyun,” you shake your head, a little dizzy. “What are you talking about?”  

He slowly loosens his hold on your fingers, his hand dropping to the same spot on your knee. You’re free to open your fist, and when you do, you can’t help but feel a little stumped.

“I don’t mean now,” he repeats, now sounding doubly worried. “It’s not — It’s just…”  

“You’ll get in trouble. We can’t.”

“I won’t. Not if we do this right. Like I said, we can do it slowly. Months — years, however long it takes to do it well. What it is — it’s just… a promise.”  

“A promise,” you echo. It does have a nice ring to it.  

“That I’m not leaving you. Not ever. And… if you say yes, that you won’t either.”  

Your coffee has probably turned cold. Jaehyun is watching you carefully, looking like he’s trying hard not to bite his lip. You look back down at your hand, and he speaks up again.  

“You know I love you, right?”  

You smile slightly. “No but?”  

“No but,” he agrees.  

The ring fits nicely on your finger; maybe it’s well-measured from the amount of times he’s held your hand tightly in his.  

“Okay, Jaehyun,” you whisper. “I promise.”  

When you place your hand on his, he twists his palm, slender fingers gently twirling the ring around the base of your finger.  

Minutes later, he hands you your coffee. It’s sweet and milky, the way he knows you like it best. When he settles back down on the bed, you notice his eyes travel to your finger again, a small smile playing on his lips.  

Perhaps, in this moment, you finally learn to ask the right questions — not about if it’s worth it, but if he is.  

And in this moment, where he sits in silence with you, the sunlight pouring in from his window hitting the tips of his hair and the end of his nose, with the knowledge that his heart is as full as yours, you come to realize that there can — and never will be — any doubt of that.  

[amazinglyegg]

companions react to sole crying when they raise their voice at them

AWW this one's sad

For clarity I'm going with the idea that the companions aren't yelling at Sole out of anger (like, a low affinity talk) but more like they're either scolding Sole over something minor ("you could have gotten hurt! Be careful!") or ranting out loud about something unrelated and Sole is very sensitive to that sort of thing!

Companions react: Sole crying when yelled at

Includes Cait, Codsworth, Curie, Deacon, Desdemona, Danse, Hancock, Haylen, Maccready, Nick, Piper, Preston, Rhys, X6-88

Cait

Uhh. Fuck.

Cait is probably Least Capable of dealing with a crying person

First instinct might be to use tough love because that's what she uses on herself and it works fine

Like "Oh come on suck it up, it wasn't even that bad"

Actually starts to feel bad after a few moments though and will change trajectory into something more gentle

Gladly lets Sole have alone time if they ask because she really needs a minute to try and think of what to say

If Sole comes back completely ignoring what happened she'll also ignore it, but if they continue to seem upset she'll make the first move and actually apologizes

Very awkward with it, every sentence is like she's testing the waters for Sole's reaction.

The apology IS genuine, though, and Sole can tell just by how awkward she is about it. She won't just brush it off if Sole won't brush it off.

Codsworth

IMMEDIATE GUILT

Poor Codsworth would do a complete 180 and start comforting Sole

Sort of has a hard time if they want to be alone to collect themself, he's worried they'll hate him forever (he has a bit of separation anxiety after being alone for 200 years)

Will note exactly what made Sole cry and will never talk about that topic with that voice again

Like if they cried because he was worried about them getting hurt every interaction like that afterwards will be "You NEED to take better care of - I mean, please take better care of yourself please"

Curie

If Curie is raising her voice at Sole she's probably scolding them for not taking care of their health

She wants them to take care of themself but she didn't mean to make them so guilty they cry!!

She'll immediately comfort them and apologize for being so strict

100% mom friend, will not stop apologizing and trying to make it up to them via food and comfort

Gives Sole a hug and a forehead kiss and tucks them into bed with a warm cup of soup. Maybe cries a little

Probably tries to stand up for them on their behalf in the future, like if someone yells at them she'll scold the person yelling for being mean

Deacon

Ah shit

Deacon prides himself on being able to stay calm during conflict and read the other persons facial expressions, it's his job after all

But anger always managed to get to him somehow, and it made him ignore the small signs that Sole was getting stressed out

He wasn't even upset at them, he was just having a bad day, but he knew he fucked up the second their face scrunched up and they looked away

They're crying. Sole is crying because of him

Might try to fix things by making jokes but if he realizes Sole is genuinely upset he'll probably end up leaving and giving Sole their space

He leaves them to cry for a while and comes back once they've calmed down so he can sincerely apologize

Tries to make Sole feel better for the next few days by pulling some strings

Their favorite animal is brahmin? What a coincidence, Des is telling us to go to a safe house with a huge brahmin farm! They really like Blamco Mac and Cheese? Deacon just found a HUGE stash behind HQ, we better eat it!

Desdemona

Just kinda. Freezes.

This never happened before?? And either she doesn't really know Sole that well (agents faces tend to get confusing since so many come and go) and doesn't know what to say, or they're like, the best agent in the Railroad and she's very worried that she managed to make them cry.

Tries to brush it off as smoothly as possible and excuses them somewhere private to calm down so at least they're not crying in front of everyone

If she's closer with Sole she'll actively search them out herself and apologize directly

If not she'll honestly probably go to Deacon or someone first being like "Are they pissed at me?? Should I apologize or do I pretend it didn't happen?"

Might take the silent approach of giving Sole less work/more support and makes the mental reminder not to yell at them

Danse

Listen, this man is used to reprimanding people. He can practically do it in his sleep

But when he hears Sole burst into tears? He immediately loses all train of thought

He's probably the type of person to go "... Are you crying?" because this has never really happened to him before

Super worried that he's pushed Sole too far, regrets even yelling at them in the first place

Doesn't really know what to do, ends up waiting for Sole to make the first move (explain themself, run away, etc)

If he isn't as close with Sole he'll probably hesitantly give them space - it's what he would want if he burst into tears

If they're close/romanced he'll default to trying to talk to them and calm them down

He is a bit awkward and tends to fumble a lot, so Sole may have to be direct with what they need from him (Space, comfort, apology, etc) but Danse will do basically anything to get them to calm down

Like a person who is very bad at dealing with a crying toddler: "no no don't cry... Here's some candy... and twenty bucks... we can get ice cream if you want just please stop crying"

Hancock

I imagine Hancock to be a pretty touchy guy, so if Sole started crying his go-to comfort is by hugging them or rubbing their arm/back

He has high energy and expresses himself loudly so he realizes that he can be overwhelming at times

He'll quiet down and focus on comforting them and getting them what they need

Absolute KING at respecting their space and autonomy

The only thing worse than crying is crying in public so he's bringing them to a quiet room and letting them cry it out distraction free. They make the tiniest action that seems like they don't want to be touched and he'll back off, no questions asked

Also a bit of the "poorly dealing with a crying toddler" person: "You want chems?? No? Candy?? Would it make you feel better if you punched me??"

Haylen

Very empathetic towards Sole, immediately switches to a "Oh, hey, come on, it's okay..." type of voice

She gets that the Brotherhood is overbearing and it can take a while to get used to being reprimanded/spoken to in such a harsh way

If she's spent a good amount of time around Sole she's probably pretty in tune with their emotional needs and can work with that

Sole won't even have to ask, she'll just show up with some hot chocolate and a blanket, or apologize, or pretend like it never happened, or any mixture of those

A little worried and overprotective of them for a while after, though, especially if she's already worried about their mental health

Might talk to them to try and see what's wrong or convince them to take a break

Maccready

Another member of the "Wait... are you crying?" group.

Panics, probably. Doesn't know what to do or what to say.

He'll end up apologizing to them either way

If he's close with Sole he's more likely to do so first and more quickly, if not he might wait to gauge Sole's reaction before talking to them

A little bit awkward but he's got the spirit, will probably try to understand what made them cry and what he can do to make sure it doesn't happen in the future

Will also do a sort of follow-up check in after the fact or if they're having a rough day some other time

Tries a lot to stay more in-tune with Sole's emotions and what makes them upset after this point so they don't end up crying again because of him

Nick Valentine

For Nick to raise his voice like that he'd probably have to be distracted in some way

Either thinking about his words and not his voice as he reprimands Sole or snapping about something unrelated that's on his mind

So he doesn't even realize Sole started crying until their tears manage to snap him out of his thoughts

He's the type to try and comfort them straight away by cautiously reaching in for a hug and apologizing

If Sole runs off or yells at him he takes it personally, getting upset at himself for making Sole so uncomfortable

He will eventually reach out to them and get them to talk about what's bothering them, even if it takes a while

He'll immediately step up and sincerely apologize, and then turn his focus onto Sole's mental health

He realizes Sole has A Lot going on and them crying was probably the result of many days/weeks/months of bottled up emotions

Piper

Sole crying stops her in her tracks and makes her re-think everything that's happened between them in the past 24 hours

Was it something she said?? Or something she did?? What did she do wrong!?

Depending on the situation will either try to explain herself ("I didn't mean it like that, no don't cry I was just joking I swear -") or immediately be worried for Sole and try to comfort them

Might take Sole needing alone time a bit personally, she'll end up worrying that they're REALLY mad at her

She feels like she's not the best at comforting people so she'll try to turn to acts of service/gifts to bring them comfort

Buying them their favorite food, carrying more of their items, giving them hugs, etc.

Preston

Almost confused at first

He's never had anyone shy away from him before - if anything people didn't take him seriously and tended to look down on him

So the fact that he managed to make Sole cry really made him reassess their entire conversation up to this point

Immediately apologizes and asks what's wrong because surely there has to be something else going on for them to cry like this, right?

If Sole doesn't give an explanation he'll default to assuming they're overtired and stressed from work

Probably ends up feeling guilty for every time he gave them more Minuteman-related work to do

Might end up in a bit of a self-deprecating spiral of "I pushed them too hard, now they're upset, it's all my fault, how the hell can I fix this..."

He'll really focus on being there for them, whatever they need.

Less work? He'll take on their load. Shoulder to cry on? He'll stay up all night for them. A warm hug? He won't let go until Sole lets go first.

Rhys

Laughs

Alright he's an asshole

Kind of goes on a power trip about it too

Like "Haha yes I made them cry. Because I am the strong alpha male of the group"

At some point might come to the conclusion, either through his own means or by Danse/Haylen calling him out, that he was being a little bit of an asshole

If he apologizes though it's extremely short and awkward.

Like "Hey. Uhh. Sorry for making you cry. Just don't do it again. It's weird." And never brings it up ever again

Alternatively, takes the "Older Brother When The Younger Brither Starts Crying" approach of "Don't tell Danse! I didn't even yell at you that much! You can punch me back so we're even just please stop crying dude Danse will hear you and he'll get mad at me"

X6-88

It stops him in his tracks

Part of him is freaking out because Oh God Someone Is Experiencing Emotions Around Me

And the other part of him is freaking out because He Made Sole Cry Uh-Oh

Will probably give Sole some space immediately and waits for them to calm down - he's never been good at dealing with emotional people

Once they're calm he'll revisit them with a peace offering of sorts, like a fancy lad snack cake or some tea or something

Very curt apology, hands them the gift, leaves a moment of silence as an opportunity for them to speak up about what made them cry if they want

Once that's over he'll just try and pretend it never happened while also keeping them safe from whatever else could trigger that

He'll try not to yell at them and actively avoid putting them in situations where they'll be yelled at again whenever possible

[itsquakey]

Q&A Time!

I haven't done a Q&A in a while so let's bang out some asks from the askbox and answer them.

Without really saying much, things have kinda gotten better, but I am def in a hole right now from multiple pretty saddening things happening to me all within a month. I'm having a lot of issues drawing but I don't think it's burnout-more likely I'm just a sad lump. I'm sure I'll improve though once the year finishes us.

Kind of...I plan to make either a epilogue for Revenge of Pike Knight or an entirely different comic about his process of letting go but also forgiving himself for her actions. He never goes back to being sweet bandana waddle dee but she does manage to loosen up as time goes on.

Mago gets stripped of any and all power that the average doomer doesn't have. So yea. He's a little guy you could punt like a football.

It's honestly really hard to say what my favorite food is, as I am someone who struggles with food (I blame it on the fact I almost died of starvation as a toddler and it ruined my entire digestive system but who knows it could be crappy genetics too). However here are some foods I enjoy that people may like! (Recipe Links are in the names)

Banoffee Pie: I usually like it without the bananas though, they are too soft texture-wise for me so it's really more Toffee Pie. Just remember if you are making the toffee from scratch that it is basically like making a bomb and you HAVE to make sure timing is correct otherwise pressure will build and either you will die or your kitchen will get a nice brown coat of sugar-paint (Personal experience here).

Chocolate Souffle: I always have this for my birthday so it's a fond treat. It IS a souffle though, so it's very hard to make if you do not have the experience.

Quiche: I love quiche, it's something that is eggy but also a pie and I can eat it any time of the day. I usually like just cheese in it but meats and some small greens are also good.

And finally- Zucchini Brownies (Or just walnut brownies): Which I actually haven't had in a while but man am I craving them. They sound weird but you can't taste the zucchini and it brings a nice dampness to the brownie.

When Powehi was little his sisters loved to tease him even though he would give little to no reaction. They seemed to have a decent relationship as children but I would not be surprised if Powehi doesn't really like his sisters a whole lot when he's an adult. They're still as annoying as before but now they act more like their father (a pet peeve of his). However they are still his sisters at the end of the day, so he puts up with them.

Since I don't know if I have the post up anymore- ANY FANART OR INTERPRETATIONS/INSPIRATION OF MY WORK IS OKAY. If it is fanart or is heavily based off my work all I need is name credit or an @/. If you @/ me, there's a very high likelihood I will see it and reblog it!

As someone who worked with various animals including tarantulas for a while- I love them. I love their fuzz and their little claws and paw pads and the fact they're chill (but at the same time very anxious) little dudes. I think they get a bad rap but they're nice.

If I remember correctly, the death of Meta Knight comic was originally artist trolling. Yes, I made the comic to purposefully get a reaction from you all and laugh evilly while you cried over his death. However that comic is the backbone of Nextgen and I'm glad I made it.

Yes, I will get to that art eventually. I'm just taking my time for reasons. I will/am also uploading art that is old but was never released on my account. Eventually once all the old art is posted new art will start up again.

Meta works his way up the ladder to become a Reaper. Not really spoilers but his design will be brought back soon. But yes, he can still see his friends with the help of Morpho. Also Galaxia shattered in the death comic, so she's long gone as well but returns to Meta in the afterlife at some point.

Dedede ain't dead yet! He's still kicking. Meta would have to meet him in the mortal realm as a little buggy.

Yes, however I highly doubt I will ever cover them in Nextgen, so it's up to fan interpretation at the end of the day.

Yes he does, he takes the form of a beetle much like Morpho takes the form of a butterfly in the mortal realm and gets to visit his friends when he can.

Apologies, but only my girlfriend can hug me : )

I imagine if the situation calls for it he does use his tongue. However he mainly chooses the sword and his fabric arms.

In Nextgen I like to imagine Kirby's copy abilities change as they grow up instead of someone upgrading them for him, hence why they look different when he uses copy abilities.

Powehi has always had some of Marx's powers and grew up with them normally. However as he gets older he begins to really not like them because it makes him different in a way others may be intimidated by.

In Nextgen Chilly and Magolor never got nor will get married. They're off again on again exes because it is way funnier that way and honestly aligns with the one manga more.

Magolor and Chilly met during the events of Star Allies, and their relationship/personalities are kinda based off that manga in a minor way.

Arthur showed up out of nowhere on Castle Dedede's entrance and ever since then Kirby has taken care of him.

In a surprising turn of events, no. The waddle dee from Kirby 64 in Nextgen is actually Bandana's/Pike's older brother who is the sole reason Bandana/Pike went down the path she did. The stories that were told about the adventure and the heroes his older brother worked with got her to be inspired enough to actually work alongside Dedede and later Kirby and the others.

Because that belt buckle is the last remaining piece of who he used to be. His robes are gone along with everything else but that buckle. He is now nude.

All Noddies are biologically and magically tied to the Dream Fountain which is the thing that gives them their dreams and tiredness. The only way Castella can have nightmares is if there's some kind of tampering with the Dream Fountain that effects it negatively.

I don't think canon Bandana would enjoy the fact I assassinated his character for some plot lmao. But for the sake of the funny just imagine them interacting like that one sonic and shadow clip from Sonic Adventure 2.

The cycle of matter only affects Dark and Light matter/ anything in between that. Matter like that usually will never see a reaper in their life because their souls almost never make it to the afterlife and instead are in a constant cycle of reincarnation, hence the name. Meta Knight was merely lucky enough to have Morpho break the rules for him just like how Necrodeus broke the rules for him when he was Gala and took his soul to the afterlife. Normally living things are taken by reapers to the afterlife when they die though. While non-matter characters like Dedede, Magolor, Marx, Pike, etc will be able to have a one way ticket to the afterlife, I'm keeping it vague for Kirby as not to spoil future ideas.

That's all for now! I'll be answering more asks in the future don't worry.

[imwriting0verhere]

Birthday Surprise

It’s 11:57pm on April 24th and my friends and family are gathered around me to ring in my 30th birthday at midnight. I don’t always need to have the biggest party or festivities, but you only turn 30 once, and honestly, roughly ten years ago I wasn’t even sure if I would make it till here.

“Thank you all so much for coming eeh, big 30 aye!” I laugh awkwardly, but most of my friends are drunk enough that they just cheer and clap along. “I ceenot wait for this year like. We’ve got some great things cooking! 30’s gonna be great!” I shout into the room, shortly being joined by Dean, Joe, Tom and Jimmy. We’ve all got our arms thrown around each other’s shoulders, beers in hand.

“Alreet alreet” Dean shouts over the party commotion “We’ve only got a few seconds left now. 5,4…”

“3,2,1 HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!!!” everybody in the room joins in and as the clock rings in my special day, Rachael emerges with a big cake that’s shaped like my face. Candles and sparklers atop and I happily accept it.

As is tradition, Dean smacks some cake into my face, we drink a shot together and I’m being pulled into hugs by everyone. My mam, my brother, my girlfriend…

And once the excitement has quieted down a bit and people start eating the cake and refilling their drinks, Y/N stands in front of me. The last person to congratulate me.

“Happy Birthday” she tells me with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes I notice. We share a quick hug but she looks as if she wants to disappear as soon as I let go of her. But talking to her seems to halt her in her spot and she looks up at me

“It’s really good to see yer” I tell her with a genuine smile. She’s one of my dearest friends and also the last person I was in love with. Unfortunately, we had to learn the hard way that moving from a friendship into a relationship doesn’t always end well. But luckily, we managed to save and salvage what we had before and are now able to be friends again.

“Yeah, you too” she replies softly. She’s been really quiet and reserved all evening. She’s barely gotten a word out, keeping mostly to herself even though we share the same group of friends and most of them are here tonight.

“I hope..” “I’m..” we both speak at the same time and I awkwardly rub the back of my neck “Sorry, you go ahead”

“Oh, ehm, I was just saying I’m gan find Rachael and try some of that cake” she says while she’s already turning away, not being able to leave my side fast enough it seems.

“Aye, I hope you’re doing well and we can hang out again soon” I just mumble the rest of my previous thought to myself.

Before I can let Y/N’s strange demeanor get to my head, I spot my brother and his long-time partner in conversation with my girlfriend. Or better, the girl I’ve been seeing for the past 3 months that’s not really my girlfriend because we’re not officially together, but we’re dating and having a good time together so I can’t just call her a fling either. And she was very adamant on being here tonight, so I’m glad she’s getting along with my family too.

About two hours later I see Y/N saying goodbye to Tom and Heidi as well as my mam, before she just waves at the boys and leaves them with a “Bye guys, see yous soon” to which they all smile and wave back, Joe shouting a departing “get home safe”.

She finally spots me and makes her way over

“Saving the best till last I see” I tease her, which elicits only a small tug at her lips. So I really can’t even make my friend smile anymore. With nothing at all apparently. Hm.

“You’re leaving already?” I ask because tonight felt as if she wasn’t even really here and as the night gets longer the crowd gets smaller and it usually only leaves my closest inner circle. Which she is part of and I would’ve loved to spend some more time with her, actually talk to her.

“Yeah sorry, I don’t feel that great staying here any longer” she gives me a look as if to tell me that something is bothering her, and I should know what that something is.

“Thanks for the invite, Sam” she says politely and pulls me into a quick hug that I return.

“Y/N wait!” I hold on to her arm but she instantly coils away and out of my reach

“Let go of me” she hisses quietly, so that nobody else but me can hear.

“Y/N no, what’s going on?” I follow her out into the foyer and out the front door. She’s finally stopping and swiftly turning around to look at me

“I just don’t want to look at this any longer alreet. Maybe I shouldn’t have come” she says the last part more to herself and I’m only getting more and more confused

“But, it’s my birthday” I breath, the first thing that comes to mind. We always spend our birthdays together

“What do yer mean, look at any longer? What’s going on Y/N/N?” I look at her questioningly. She’s looking at her feet, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as if she doesn’t know what to do next. She’s debating whether to tell me or not. But in the next instant she whips her head towards me, her decision made

“You, Sam. You and that girl!” she shouts, angrily pointing at me, she’s almost jabbing her finger into my chest, that’s how close we are standing. Her eyes are wild and brimming with tears.

“I can’t look at it any longer!” she lets go of the breath she was holding. Exhausted just from that simple statement. I look at her bewildered, not believing what I hear. She’s never mentioned having a problem with me seeing someone new. But I’m also just realizing, she hasn’t been around all that much the past few months. And definitely not when my date was around.

“I…didn’t…why have you never said anything?” I truly thought we were doing fine after our breakup last year. I don’t understand what’s happening, I just know that I can’t lose Y/N and I can’t believe I’ve missed the signs of her discomfort.        

“What was I supposed to say Sam? We’re not together anymore. I don’t have any right to tell you what to do and who to date”

“But we’re friends. You know that you can always come to wor” I cautiously take a step closer to her, feeling the overwhelming need to comfort her.

“Sam..” she croaks out and my arms are instantly around her. But she stops me before I can pull her into an embrace. She’s holding onto my forearms. She’s so close, I can feel her ragged breath on the front of my shirt. But her eyes won’t meet mine

“I don’t know how to be around you anymore. I…I thought I was over you. I thought I was okay with our breakup, healed, and moved on.”

She finally lifts her head and my gaze instantly falls onto hers. And what I see breaks me. Red rimmed eyes, a few stray tears have already fallen, making her cheeks wet. She looks scared and broken, and I can’t believe that I didn’t know about this. About how she felt and what kind of emotional distress she must have gone through these last months.

“Y/N/N…I didn’t know” I croak. Embarrassment creeping in and I'm mentally kicking myself for being so oblivious again.

“I know. Because we never had that last talk” she sniffs and drops my arms in favor of pulling her thin coat tighter around herself. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, protecting herself from the cold, and protecting her heart from any more damage.

“We never sat down and talked about how our relationship, and the breakup really affected us. I just tried to be okay and be happy about the things I still have. And you started seeing someone else” she smiles at that, but it’s a bittersweet kind of smile. And I can see new tears gathering in her eyes.

“Sweetheart, you should’ve come n' talked to me aboot it. Nonetheless if I’m seeing someone new or not”

“I just couldn’t Sam. I couldn’t because every time I thought about talking to you and what I would say to you, I knew I would just end up in tears. And then I found out about you and her and…” she’s letting me cup her cheek this time, and I’m softly swiping her tears away before she continues

“I was so scared of today. Of what it would mean if she’s here tonight, and I see her.”

“Y/N A’m so sorry!” I tell her earnestly, searching her face because I need her to believe me. I never meant to hurt her this way.

“Tell me what I can do to make it better”

“Sam I...” she sniffs before looking back up at me “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I don’t think it’s good for me to be around you right now” and I can feel my insides crumble at that

“Y/N/N no, don’t say that” I beg her, tears shooting into my own eyes now and I can feel them softly rolling down my face.

“I still love you too much. And I can’t see you with another girl. I can’t heal like this Sam! When every time I look at you, a small part inside me still breaks.” She closes her eyes at that and I lean my cheek onto her head, pulling her a little bit closer because I know how final this moment is. Of course I will give her the time and space to heal, but this could just as well mean this is our last time together, and we might never come back from this. I press a final kiss onto her forehead before I speak again

“I can’t lose you”

“I’m so sorry” she whispers back and pulls further away from me “You’ll be okay” she takes my hand from her face and gently squeezes it one last time before she drops it and it falls at my side. I instantly miss her warmth, her soft touch.

“Happy Birthday Sam” she says with a voice full of sorrow and heartbreak. As she turns her back towards me and begins to make her short way home, the look of pain and longing in her face haunts me. And I’m sure it perfectly reflects mine.                 

[puhpandas]

things I consider canon to my flashlight duo universe:

gregory and Evan move in together when they're adults. evan runs to live with the fazbears as soon as he turns 18 and they go from there. whether it's college or just an apartment

gregory is what introduces Evan to drawing and he loves it. they both keep up with the hobby when they're older as well. gregory likes drawing comics and maybe becomes a graphic novelist and I think Evan would like painting

Evan eventually meets vanessa when hes about 14 and she becomes the older sibling he always wanted. he always felt intimidated by her idea because shes Gregory's actual biological sibling and Evan holds that to a high honor because he wants to be. but they get along and vanessa being there for Evan makes him feel like part of the family even more

Roxy and evan are close. roxy kinda takes Evan under her wing because although its not the same experience because roxy had a support system her whole life, she wants to help him through what she also went through. she helps him learn an outlet to control his emotions more to be more manageable and is a calm shoulder to lean on for evan.

in the event that the bite happens (it doesnt usually), I think after Evan heals and recovers he and bonnie would bond over their scars and bonnie would make him feel better about them

evan meets cassidy later on when hes mellowed out some. I dont think she would have liked him a lot before but when hes healed more and gotten better with his sensitivity they get along pretty good. I think cassidy wouldnt have many friends and probably be considered a troublemaker because of her anger issues and her lashing out and Evan uses what hes learned with his emotions to help her. I'll say they're both teens here

freddy and the other adults wanted nothing more than to march over to the Aftons and declare that they're taking Evan forever but they couldnt. I think that they wanted to actually go through a process of adoption and taking custody but that would have affected Michael too and I'm not sure if they thought it was worth it. especially when Evan says hes alright with the fact that things arent perfect and that he already practically spends his whole life there anyway with how he spends the night.

I imagine william isnt the best cook and Michael probably has other means of getting food on top of not minding eating frozen dinners. but I imagine Evan probably didn't like a lot of foods (hes a kid and also. neurodivergent) and didnt have many things he enjoyed. so I think chica saw this and introduced evan to different foods and tried to help him figure out what he likes so he can eat better and enjoy it at the same time

Gregory and Evan are avid claw machine players

off screen when they're not having a moment with eachother every 5 seconds they play games like roblox and minecraft since they're in the modern day. I think Gregory gave Evan one of his older phones that still worked since he didnt have his own (theres nothing wrong with it, just an older model and maybe a little slow) and he plays on that.

gregory will draw during sleepovers and then give it to Evan to color in. gregory always keeps them and hangs them up or puts them somewhere for safe keeping because Evan doesnt want something to happen to them at his house

gregory hates pickles and Evan loves them

evan is an avid sweater wearer and the Fazbears buy him more when he only has like 1 or 2 and his other clothes are starting to get too small. he keeps sweaters at Gregory's house because he basically lives there already

theres a movie night every saturday while everyone is available at the Fazbears

michael starts to lay off a bit after a little while (think a couple years) just because Evan isnt even around as much for him to terrorize. Michael doesn't like being at home either and since they dont see eachother as much bullying Evan isnt in his minds eye as often. it just doesnt come to mind to do as much at that point

because of genes and chica helping him eat good, evan grows to be taller than Michael

evan experiments with gender later in life as a young adult and is lowkey surprised to learn that Gregory has been transgender this whole time

evan develops huge holiday spirit and for the rest of his days loves to decorate and do holiday-ey things for the season

[rafesvoid]

Rain together

You never thought at 20 years old you’d still be on the outer banks living the life as a Pogue while serving to the kooks. You didn’t think you’d be a kook by now either. That being the last thing you wanted. All you craved was to be somewhere far far away from this Pogue vs Kook life.

But life was expensive. No matter what job you got it was never enough. And the high paying jobs were strictly ran by kooks and only for kooks. And even if a Pogue like you managed to land a job owned by some brooding kook you were underpaid and overworked.

This brain tangling dilemma lead you to choosing a job as a quaint restaurant. The pay wasn’t much but maybe in a few years you’ll book a one way ticket to where no Kook has been. The restaurant was often quiet. The music you’ve gotten to know by heart being louder than any conversation held.

People didn’t come there to socialize or have a nice dinner with their family. It was more of a 30 minute getaway before immersing yourself back into the Pogue life. Which is why everyone and their mother was shook when none other than the Cameron’s walked in.

It had been like any other day, long and uneventful yet giving you much time to be with your thoughts. The rain was pouring down hard. The sound of the droplets hitting everything in sight outside soothing you more than anything could.

Maybe 10 people occupied the restaurant besides you and your coworkers. Most just wanting a coffee while waiting for the rain to die down. But as you tried your best to remove a stain with a hot rag the bell of the restaurant went off alerting you of a new presence.

You heard a herd of feet walk near the cashier you before you locked eyes with the Ward himself. You almost wanted to pinch yourself to see if it was real. Most kooks would rather die than be seen on the cut unless it was for a party let alone eat in one of their restaurants.

But in the flesh was the whole Cameron family soaking wet and waiting for something to eat.

“I- What can I get for you guys tonight”

You meekly poured out with the tight lip smile. “Maybe a new set of clothes if you have the back there” the ward replied with a smile filled with none either than warmth

Now you never socialized with the Cameron’s yet you had your own assumptions on them. The ward being a kind person was not one of them.

“Well over there we have some heaters you can sit by and I’ll give you paper menus and once you’re ready you can come order”

Ward and rose thanked you while their 3 brooding childeren followed them. After a silent 15 minutes or so of every Pogue in the restaurant exchanging looks each Cameron came up one by one to order food. Rafe being the last

Rafe was a year older than you. You didn’t go to school with him and only saw him at parties snorting a line. It be a lie to say you didn’t think he had grown more attractive by the minute but it also be a lie to say he ever crossed your mind. Until tonight.

Rafe walked to the counter his head hung low obviously regretting his families decision to come into a Pogue ran restaurant than wait the storm out in the car. But as he reached you his scowl adorned face softened. The hue of his eyes lightened to the different color blues than the black he wore mere seconds ago

He paused eyes running across you for what felt like a century. Rafe didn’t know you. If he ever saw you before there’s a chance he’d mix you up with 50 other girls yet he stared at you like you were one in a billion.

“Can I get your number?”

———

Hi! This is my first Rafe fic so bear with me if it’s awful. I will get better I swear

Also I love rafe but he’s the only reason I watched obx so if something doesn’t make sense because it’s not accurate plz ignore it because in really just do not know lol

[detentiontrack]

can u talk a little about what meds you take for your bipolar and if they help/side effects u experience?

Absolutely!!! So I’m currently on 3 medications to manage my bipolar and PTSD

Lithium - started taking in 2022. Honestly this works GREAT. It helps with the depression and the rapid cycling (I used to rapid cycle a lot) and the mood swings. People always talk about how many side effects lithium has, but I honestly don’t really notice any at this point. When I first started taking it, I got SUPER nauseous, but after about a month my body got used to it and I didn’t experience any nausea except for when my dose was changed (which also resolved quickly). The only thing I should warn you about with lithium, is that when you first get on it, you’ll have to do a few blood tests to make sure your lithium levels are in the normal range. I think I got about 4 between 2022 & 2023 when I started getting my dose raised. I started on what I think is 600mg (I got put on it at the mental hospital so I’m not 100% sure if that’s the dose I started at) and now I’m on 1200mg and have been since 2023.

Next up is prozac - this is my newest medication. I started taking it for anxiety/PTSD, but I think it’s also helped with my depression. This med has gotten rid of most of my anxiety and panic attacks, and I also experience very minimal side effects. The only ones I can think of is dry mouth/excessive thirst (I always have to keep a drink with me) and (TMI warning) it’s also decreased my sex drive. The only thing I should warn you about is that if you’re bipolar, you need to be REALLY careful with SSRIs. SSRIs are notorious for causing intense mania (my first true manic episode was brought on by Zoloft) so consult with your doctor and make sure they’re aware of treatments for bipolar. I didn’t get manic from the Prozac, but I also started at a really low dose and we raised it gradually over time. (I’m on 20mg now. Started out on 5mg back in October)

Next up Lybalvi - I’m not even kidding when I say this medication saved my life. The first half of 2023, I was dysphorically manic and experiencing some of the worse psychosis I’ve ever experienced (like. I was locked in delusions and hallucinations 24/7. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, I heard voices constantly, I genuinely thought God was targeting me specifically and trying to kill me so I was super paranoid and out of it) and my psychiatrist said that either I go back on an antipsychotic, or he was going to send me to the mental hospital again. Lybalvi is a combination of Olanzapine (Zyprexa) and Samidorphan. This medication got rid of ALL of my psychosis, minimized my depression, stopped me from becoming manic, and made it so I didn’t have the negative symptoms of psychosis. It’s the only antipsychotic that has helped me and not made me worse. The only big side effects I’ve noticed are muscle jerks, brain fog (if I take it too late. I’m usually fine if I take it before 9pm), dry mouth/excessive thirst, and a LOT of weight gain. The samidorphan is supposed to make it so that you don’t gain weight, but I gained around 60lbs from April 2023-January 2024. But even knowing what I know now, I would still choose to take it because it’s really helped so much. It’s because of this med that I’ve been hospital free for almost 2 years and I’m able to have a normal life and balance school and work and all that stuff. Don’t be scared of the med because of the weight gain side effect. It’s better to buy new pants in a few sizes up than it is to be in and out of the mental hospital every few months. I started on 5 or 10mg and now I take 15mg.

[darklylucid]

Kelly! Hi! Just checking in cause I wanted to ask how you’re doing? I haven’t been very active lately, but I had a cute thought. Lester, freckled by the sun, his hair slowly curling up at his ears as it dampens lightly with sweat, his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth, a look of concentration on his face as he stares intently at the ground. A bright smile suddenly tugs at his lips, illuminating his whole face with mirth. “Ha! I found another one, Bo! That makes twelve! How many do you got again, two?!” He’d rush towards the spot in front of the tree, sliding a bit as he falls to the ground, his hands instantly moving toward the little piece of treasure on the ground. He’d be so careful, plucking it gently out of the ground and cradling it in his hands. Mushroom soup was so much better than roadkill.

—

I went mushroom hunting for the first time in my life with my boyfriend and his family today and got caught in barbed wire (why there was a random string of barbed wire connected to a tree, I will never know) and literally face planted the ground! (I’m okay!! My shoe is shredded thought lmbo) it was hilarious. I laughed . Nobody else did. It was embarrassing. For some reason I still can’t comprehend, I then proceeded to lay flat on the ground while everyone stared at me. I wonder if they can tell that I don’t get out much 🤣🤣

It was fun though. I’m me so I felt out of place but like, I’m very glad I agreed to go. I never wanna do it again, but it was fun to see everybody so happy and excited to search for mushrooms. I hadn’t had any plans of hiking this summer, but after that, I kinda miss it. I wanna try and see some waterfalls. Maybe the sun and a long walk is exactly what this year needs.

(Also friendly warning that if you’re a easily freckled person and you’ve been out in the woods, that tiny new “freckle” might not be a freckle after all and could very well be a baby tick.)

This ended up being a bit longer than I thought it would be. Sorry!! I hope you’re having the bestest of Mondays.

- Lily ❤️.

How, HOW could I have possibly known just from reading this bit in the middle - 'I went mushroom hunting for the first time in my life with my boyfriend and his family today and got caught in barbed wire' that this ask was from YOU? OMGFG, Lily...MOTHERFUCKIN' BUBBLE WRAP, I *swear*

Also...💕 LILY!!! 💕

I'm going to go ahead and assume that you somehow managed to find the only bit of barbed wire within 50 miles to trip over. It's such a you thing to do 😂

I'm glad your face is ok, and it's far better to have a shredded shoe than a shredded foot...with your luck, you could've gotten Necrotizing Fasciitis (don't look it up, really...DON'T) 💀

There is no shame in tripping over something in the woods, and I definitely would have helped you up...after I took a photo, of course! 😊

That is a beautiful HOW thought...and I can see Lester being quite an accomplished mushroom forager, especially with all the books he scavenged from the derelict home of one of Ambrose's former residents, a retired Mycologist who now serves as a permanent fixture in the House Of Wax...

Please be very careful, Lily, as mushroom foraging can be both incredibly fun and incredibly dangerous, and people have died from either cooking a meal made with foraged mushroom they thought were harmless, or have had them deliberately fed to them by someone intent on causing their untimely death...

That being said, can you just imagine Lester trying to teach Bo and Vincent the difference between 'this is safe to eat' and 'if you eat this it will hurt the entire time you are dying'?

(Yes, mushroom soup IS oftentimes better than roadkill...except when it comes to raccoon roadkill stroganoff made WITH foraged mushrooms!)

How he would gently explain to a gravely disappointed Vincent that the mushrooms he thought were rare and expensive Morels were, in fact, 'False Morels', one of the most poisonous mushrooms in the state, and how he would promise to bring him some real Morels from 'that fancy-ass grocery store' the next time he went into town...

...or, how he would smack Bo with his hat and give him a stern lecture after Bo tried to convince him that the freshly picked basket of 'Fly Agaric' mushrooms couldn't possibly be poisonous because Mario ate them all the time in the 'Super Mario Brothers' games...

(Red cap...white spots, it *looks* safe to eat, therefore they *are* safe to eat...right?)

Now, as for tics, the closest I ever get to plant life is browsing the produce section of the local grocery store! I don't hike or take walks in the woods, so, that's one less thing to worry about!

If you ever do see some waterfalls, I expect pictures! I've never seen one in person, but, I can live vicariously through your adventures!

Sorry for the lateness of the reply, but TECHNICALLY, today is still 'a' Monday, right? 😅

Last Monday was pretty good, but unfortunately, it preceded a shit week and an even worse weekend (nearly three days of stress-induced panic attacks was not restful, but at least I was off those three days...small miracles, right?)

I miss you, Lily...my DM's are always open for you! *Hugs* 💕

@imbleedin-out

[femmesandhoney]

If it's not too intrusive can I ask how you deal w your pmdd ?

I dont have it but my PMS is fucking brutal I was depressed fucking felt like paralyzed in bed due to anxiety, didnt go to classes,then like a few days later i got my period and then everything made sense.

But i just cant like lose a week of my life like this every month. How do you deal with it?

i went on birth control for it but got off of it after a year bc i decided i disliked the effects of birth control, but that did help my symptoms tons and i wouldn't lie to anyone who wanted to go on it bc it did help me, i made a choice to get off of it unrelated to my pmdd.

managing symptoms can be difficult, often my first "response" is to recognize when my emotions are being affected by my pmdd. usually i can tell pretty quickly bc one day i'll walk up and everything makes me rage at the drop of a hat and then get very sad or agitated just as quick, my emotional regulation just being absolutely dogshit to concern anyone around me if they happen to be on the receiving end of my aggression or if they could jump inside my head and see how it was playing out. after so many years knowing i have pmdd, im able to recognize how a lot of that emotional instability isn't "me" and that im being affected by an "outside" force (oncoming period and hormones dropping). i usually do my best to stay mindful of my reactions then and try and do stuff that calms me down and gets my mind away from what had ruptured my emotional state. usually this occurs right in the morning when i get up, so its a fairly quick light bulb moment for me.

and im definitely used to like a shit ton of negative self talk that over the years ive gotten a better hand on, so when those real lows come around, im much better at talking myself out of those low states, but my pmdd doesn't manifest as strongly or too long with huge depressive states. usually, i just try to find other things to distract me when i feel that low, like chatting with friends, family, watching a movie, going on a walk, eating good food, no matter how small can help shift my mood to a more positive direction. when we're down, our brains are really good at thinking about other sad shit, bc our brain sucks like that, so getting ahead of that curve and trying to intentionally distract yourself with better things can generally help. but again, do not feel bad if that doesn't work for you, bc long depressive states aren't what i normally deal with and my advice is general here.

in terms of anxiety and similar emotions, i feel you deeply there. i manage that similar to how i manage any form of anxiety, which is just to do whatever it is that my anxiety thinks i cannot do, as thats the quickest way to rewrite that pathway in ur brain. it can seem very daunting, but it really does help and you can take baby steps all the while. and usually i end up feeling better after i go to whatever it was i was terrified to go to, which when we're feeling terrible af can sometimes make our day a bit better.

i would also say, sometimes i don't do anything during my pmdd time either bc it really does feel like shit even when ive tried combating it and being mindful of myself, some days really do just suck and i wanna lay in bed and hermit away. i don't think you should beat yourself up about that if some months that happens. its gonna happen again even after we have some successes, pmdd can be very unpredictable and sometimes our environment and our day to day lives just affect it even more and cause some months to be worse than others, and that doesn't mean you're lazy or not trying hard enough or anything like that.

[renas-hebdo]

26 July, 9:12PM, friday

Mood - content, anxious

Book - Child-and-Rose by Gennady Aygi

Last night went great.

My friend or "O" (24) invited me to eat dinner with her family a while back. So, that's what we did. We ate together (like, at a table), which made me uncomfortable. I don't think I've ever done that before — not at home. But, her parents cooked these dishes like it was autumn, like, green-bean casserole and an apple pie and stuff like that. It was great.

After that, O and I talked for a long time after watching Ugly Betty for a good while. I like Wilhelmina for some reason. I know she's meant to be the villain, but they can never make me hate her lmao.

O and I shared a cigarette on her back porch toward the end. Mother would have screamed at me for an hour. I don't think I did it for that reason, but the rebellious feeling certainly pushed me further. It felt automatic though. I'd seen so many in my childhood, it slipped between my fingers like it was my hundredth.

It was an American Spirit (I think that's right). I would have gotten a picture, but I don't want O to know about the blog either. There's a lot I don't tell her, and I can't always keep track of what she knows. But, she knows enough.

She told me to go with her into the city on Sunday. Her friends all cook together a few nights per week. Some of them invite friends and stuff. It sounds like a polycule or something, but I don't know if she would invite me to something like that, I don't think.

It sounds like fun tho, if not kinda tiring. There will be a dozen or so people there minimum. But, I need to do more than the same 5 activities. And, it gives me a reason to not be at the House; I feel like I'm getting cabin fever.

O insisted I sleep in her bed. She had a pull-out mattress under the frame, so she laid it over the floor and slept there. It's her childhood bedroom, and it still felt like it. I wonder how she feels about it. It's been almost a year since she moved out of it, but she still uses it to get away sometimes. Reversion to childhood just doesn't sound like a relief to me lmao. But, if it works for her,

Otherwise, I came back home at 10am this morning. Jo (paternal grandmother) was here. She asked me how it went, and I told her everything. There's a favourite spot we each have at the dinner table; I sit in mine while she cooks or cleans at the counter. I finally have a story to tell this time, so she's more enthusiastic to listen.

The only thing she had to tell me was that G (my only cousin) wasn't coming to dinner again. Legally, he lives with us, but he's never home. He comes to get a portion of whatever Jo is cooking and will eat with M or me in the den. G and Jo are the only normal ones, I think. They're just so ~unburdened by what has been~ istg lmao. The Kamala Harris memes might be taking over my life a little bit lmao.

But, anyway. I did grab dinner and managed to eat half. The other half, I'll wait until everyone has gone to bed and dispose of it. I have to run out into the field to toss it. Mother usually notices anything I throw away in the trash, no matter how little it is.

Uhhhhhh otherwise, I think that's it. I'm not sure what else will be going on this weekend until I go out again on Sunday. If I don't write until then, my next entry will probably be about going into the city.

For the new book rec above. I'm going to start it tonight, and try to share anything I find next entry/entries..

And, I'll try to maybe give a summary once I get a better idea of what it's about. A friend gave me maybe two dozen books a few weeks ago, so I'm trying to get thru them.

Other than that, good night!

— Rena

[adhdahri]

Answer all of it, all 99 questions

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

I don't have a closet as in a separate space,but I don't keep my wardrobe open either.

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

I haven't slept in a hotel for a long time,but I'm pretty sure my family does have the habit of keeping the toiletries.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

I don't sleep under sheets or blankets in this climate.

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

I haven't,but on the year I graduated from secondary school I was attending a New Year's Eve party with some friends and we decided to walk to our school at night for reasons. We didn't remove anything from the school grounds,but I turned off some lights and moved signs around.

Then when we got back to the party I got a call from my mom saying the house we were living in at the time was broken into. So that's ironic.

5: Do you like to use post-it notes?

No,but I do have a reminder on the home screen of my phone.

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

I don't use physical coupons,but I probably have a few in digital storefronts that have yet to be used.

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

The swarm of bees seems more manageable and also not carnivorous to humans...usually.

8: Do you have freckles?

I do not,only acne.

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

Often,yes.

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

When people think that pointing out grammatical/spelling errors is a meaningful response to their social/political opponents like "good" people can't be bad at spelling and grammar too.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

I don't recall having such a habit.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

Probably.

13: What about pooped in the woods?

Probably not.

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

A little.

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

I do not.

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

None in any definition of the term.

17: What size is your bed?

The bed I currently sleep in is queen-sized.

18: What is your Song of the week?

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Yes,but it's better for guys to wear nothing at all.

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

I don't watch TV and barely follow any kind of serialized media most of the time.

21: Whats your least favorite movie?

I can't think of any movie that I have watched and particularly dislike to call it my least favourite.

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

I would put it in a safe instead of burying it.

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size?

I do not wear a bra. My pants size ranges from 35-38 inches depending on material.

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

I do not often use sauces on food.

25: What is your favorite food?

I often like anything that prominently uses eggs as an ingredient.

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

A.I. Artificial Intelligence makes me cry every time.

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?

My mom,which is to be expected.

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

When I was much younger,I tried to get into Royal Rangers,which was a church thing for a bit,but never did much with it.

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

I wouldn't say no,but it'd probably take a lot of practice.

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

I don't remember,I don't like writing by hand.

31: Can you change the oil on a car?

Yes,"my" car is falling apart and often requires simple maintenance.

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

Probably not.

33: Ever ran out of gas?

Yes.

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

What comes to mind is a Subway meatball sub with BBQ,mayonnaise,and thousand island sauce.

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?

I like fried eggs/bacon/sausage,so on. Cereal is fine too. But most days we just eat bread.

36: What is your usual bedtime?

11-12pm

37: Are you lazy?

Yes.

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

No such thing here.

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?

I was born in a year of the Pig.

40: Are you horny?

Yes.

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

I haven't for a long time.

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

I'm more familiar with Legos.

43: Are you stubborn?

Some people think I am.

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

All I know about one of them is that Jay Leno once built a car out of a tank's engine,which is pretty great.

45: Ever watch soap operas?

Back when I used to watch TV,I did watch a fair bit of that kind of show.

46: Are you afraid of heights?

A fair bit. It's the falling that is scarier.

47: Do you sing in the car?

Sometimes.

48: Do you sing in the shower?

No.

49: Do you dance in the car?

It's probably ill-advised.

50: Ever used a gun?

Not a live firearm,but something close to it. In any event,I wasn't selected for national service (which was quite poorly managed in this country anyway),so I haven't received that training.

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Probably several years ago,when I needed an ID to begin attending college.

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Often,and that's a good thing.

53: Is Christmas stressful?

Not particularly,as my nuclear family unit does not celebrate it.

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

It's basically a wantan/dumpling,so yes.

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?

McDonalds' apple pie is fine.

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

The first ambition I had as a kid was to be a doctor,which is fine. When I got a bit older,circumstances in my life gave me an admiration of lawyers? Which I've certainly missed the boat on pursuing.

57: Do you believe in ghosts?

Maybe there are beings that we can't easily perceive,and maybe some of those beings come from dead people. I don't think a lot about such things however.

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Sometimes.

59: Take a vitamin daily?

Used to be a habit for my family,but not recently.

60: Wear slippers?

Not in the house.

61: Wear a bath robe?

I do not.

62: What do you wear to bed?

Usually just my shorts.

63: First concert?

Never been to a large live concert before.

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Aeon.

65: Nike or Adidas?

I've probably seen more Adidas branded things in my life.

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos are okay.

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Peanuts are easier to open.

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

I have not.

69: Ever take dance lessons?

Back when I was in school,a bit.

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

The person I love most hasn't settled on a profession yet.

71: Can you curl your tongue?

Yes,I can.

72: Ever won a spelling bee?

No,but I've won medals for other academic contests before.

In my last year of school,I joined the choral speaking group because they practiced during some classes,and we went on to win second place in a district contest out of a field of like 40 other schools.

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

I don't think I have.

74: Own any record albums?

I do not.

75: Own a record player?

I do not.

76: Regularly burn incense?

Might be nice to make a habit of,but not currently.

77: Ever been in love?

Often and abundantly.

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

I don't particularly care to attend concerts.

79: What was the last concert you saw?

None.

80: Hot tea or cold tea?

Milo.

81: Tea or coffee?

Still Milo.

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?

Something made with sugar is probably better than plain sugar.

83: Can you swim well?

I cannot.

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

However,I can.

85: Are you patient?

Most of the time.

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?

Either,it'll be interesting to see their setlist.

87: Ever won a contest?

I don't remember.

88: Ever have plastic surgery?

I have not.

89: Which are better black or green olives?

Both are fine.

90: Can you knit or crochet?

I can sew.

91: Best room for a fireplace?

The room where things may need burning.

92: Do you want to get married?

I might,but it is unlikely that I will be legally allowed to do so in my lifetime.

93: If married, how long have you been married?

I am not married.

94: Who was your HS crush?

I had a few.

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

I sure hope not. (But sometimes I wish I could.)

96: Do you have kids?

No.

97: Do you want kids?

I do not think I could raise them the way they may need.

98: Whats your favorite color?

Blue,always.

99: Do you miss anyone right now?

No one in particular.

[s0ngsandstars]

Fuck it, I need to get this out somewhere. Personal home life vent/rant, Tumblr is a diary sometimes, etc. I'm a wreck of anxiety and fear and just.. yeah..

tw abuse, domestic violence, threats of violence, brief talk about a house fire and the aftermath, gun mention

I'm concerned about myself and my family. My father has really bad anger problems, and when he's raging he's completely irrational. It's gotten worse since he poorly manages his diabetes. This past year, he's purchased a gun, and luckily he was smart enough that it's not put together and it's in a case, but it doesn't stop him from threatening us with the possible use of it on us.

I don't think I'm actually safe here. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid that one day his threats will turn into more than just threats. I have nightmares a lot in which he actually shoots or stabs us, or where he lights a match and sets the house ablaze like he's threatened on multiple occasions. We lost a lot of our possessions when I was 4 to a house fire, which I remember it and the aftermath, how my room was charred black and nothing inside of it remained, so this threat hit really hard.

I'm.. I'm so tired.. of all the yelling, of the screaming. I can't stand hearing him throw things while my mom yells for him to stop. Where I sleep is right next to their room. It's awful. He yells and screams at people every single day. Multiple times a day.

I'm also so tired of being called useless, entitled, ungrateful, disrespectful, fucking lazy bitch for things even as simple as not liking the same food as him. I've been made to feel like a leech, as though any resource I take is a waste. I don't even want to eat most of the time because I've been made to believe that I'm not worth enough to eat the food here. (I do not have an eating disorder. If I were not living here, I would have no problems eating food.)

I'm just.. I'm so tired of walking on eggshells to appease a man that will yell at us for even trying to be helpful. He yells at us when we try to help him, and then wonders why we won't. We'll get yelled at either way, we might as well just do what we want to do instead of do something we don't want and get yelled at the entire time anyway.

We can do everything right and it won't be enough. Everything can be perfect and he'll still find the pixel out of place to berate us about. It's never good enough.

And I want to get out of here. We're trying to get out of here. But we're disabled and rely fully on others for financial needs, so for us at this moment it's impossible to leave. And since our mom's the main target of the physical abuse, and she's not willing to press charges, we can't get the police involved in any way that'll actually be helpful..

We just have to either get to where we can move out, or we have to wait for him to do something so horrid that we're forced to call the police, and just.. I hate it so much.. I hate it so much....

Once I'm out of here though, I'm never talking to my father again. He's caused too much pain for me to want to communicate with him once I've left.

And like, I know in some ways I'm lucky. It could be so much worse. People have it far worse than I do. I've been told over and over and over how I'm not that bad off. jfc even when we were on food stamps and barely scraping by and my only pair of gym shoes was a gift from my teacher, I was being told I was a spoiled child and how I was lucky. But my god I don't think I deserve this. I might have it better than a number of others in abusive situations but that doesn't mean that I'm doing fucking great either. Fuck if I know if the "it's not that bad" is just the probable gaslighting talking or not. ljndfljndgkjdfgn (sobs) I get audio from videos my mom watches about people in far worse situations blared at me all the time and it makes me feel grateful that it's not that bad at least, and it also makes me so sad that people go through things, and just.. idk.. idk.... I don't want to hear it anymore..

[k1nky-fool]

Switchblades my beloveds - 10 (can be a pair or all), 20, 29, 32, 51, 52, 57

Mita and Pepper i lov them so much - 2, 7 the answer better be yes :(, 20, 30, 44, 60

Devo and dead twink walking - 2, 7, 20, 42, 49, 55, 60

Also that polycule you and Puffer got going on I don't know you know the one - 7, 13 between Rosie and Eddie, 20, 27 (funny), 29, 48, 57, 60

And extra questions that can be used (they do not have to be but if you want to use them you can because you said i could)

They walk in to their favorite meal on the table made by their partner(s)! How do they respond?

What's their favorite "cancelled" media to consume? (Bad content creators, music, etc)

A Tumblr or Twitter post they would make

This isn't a question I just ur great :)

I gotchu bro

10.Describe their first date.

Well, Maeko and Kugo took Kazu to an amusement park and they call that their first date, but with Ahmya, the three of them went out to a cute dinner and only got into one fight at the beach. A fan of Kugo's wouldn't leave him alone, and Ahmya was the one to size him up and try fighting him. It was kind of like watching a chihuahua scare off a much larger dog. Kugo didn't stop her, but it's what impressed Maeko most since their first meeting.

20.Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

Bang by AJR

29.Who is more likely to jump in an elevator? Who freaks out?

Kugo is the most likely to jump, just because he knows it freaks the fuck out of Maeko.

32.Who's the better storyteller?

Maeko by default, only because Ahmya says very alarming things in passing, and Kugo often forgets key parts of the story and has to backtrack.

51.What’s a non verbal way they say I love you?

Maeko really only jokes with people she loves, so any amount of humor from her is a silent 'I love you.' She also gives love in the form of teaching skills or giving information, even if it's just gossip or how her day was.

Kugo is very protective of the people he loves. In general he likes to have his wives in his line of sight or even better, he likes to have physical contact. Usually holding their hand or an arm around their shoulder or waist.

Ahmya cooks as a love language. If Ahmya brings food, she's either trying to say she loves you, or trying to poison you. It's a toss up, but for her spouses, she just wants to let them know she loves them very much.

52.Describe their weekend getaway?

You, you, me gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course!

In all seriousness, a weekend getaway is stressful to set up. Finding someone to babysit the kids, finding a place to go, and being able to either check in on the kids, or someone they all trust enough to handle things on their own is all difficult.

If they manage though, a cruise ship would be heaven for these three. A long weekend on the ocean is peaceful for Kugo, Ahmya enjoys the atmosphere and probably the alcohol, and Maeko can't get enough of the food.

57.Whose the serious one when grocery shopping and who likes to toss random things in the cart?

As much as you'd expect Kugo to be the one taking the lead here, it's actually Maeko. Ahmya is everywhere and she goes missing for a little, only to come back with her arms full of her favorite snacks and obscure ingredients that caught her eye. Kugo could eat his weight in seafood, and Maeko has to stop him from buying everything in the refrigerators and freezers. Maeko brought her list, and while she's willing to compromise on some things and grab a few new things to try, it's like herding cats with her spouses at a grocery store.

Mita and Pepper

2.What would they do if the other woke in a manic state after a nightmare?

Pepper was warned before they ever started sleeping in the same bed that this was a possibility for Mita. She was well prepared with a soft voice and welcoming arms. Mita's gotten better about calming down over the years, but sometimes it's not so easy. Her time as the four-eyed creature is not as common of a nightmare topic these days, and while losing Vander hurt, in the last ten years, she's been coping with it as well as she can be.

Now her nightmares are about Ekko, Sketch, Scar, or even Pepper being hurt. But Pepper is always ready to listen and care for Mita. There's a certain softness to Pepper that very few people get to see.

Pepper also has nightmares, but Mita has learned that it's better to give a comforting touch before saying anything. The sense brings Pepper back to reality and it takes very little time for her to hide herself in Mita's hold. Her nightmares tend to come from times she felt weak and scared, so having someone there to help her feel protected is valuable to her. She usually doesn't talk about it, but that's because it's usually the same every time. She'll fall back to sleep resting on Mita's chest.

7.Would they build a pillow fort together just because?

They wouldn't come up with the idea themselves, that's for sure. While Mita and Pepper are not the type to build a pillow fort, Ekko and Sketch are, even well into their adulthood. If they're invited, Mita and Pepper will join their kids in their pillow fort journey.

20.Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

Raise Hell by Brandi Carlile

Both of them have this energy ngl.

42.What's their favorite type of weather to enjoy together? (getting snowed in together, watching thunderstorms, etc.)

Springtime storms are their favorite.

49.Does either of them have a hard time being away from the other?

Both Mita and Pepper are pretty good being independent, but if they haven't seen each other in a second for reasons outside their control, it's bound to make fuses short.

55.Do they like watching clouds or star gazing?

Once upon a time Devo gave Mita a crash course on a few stars and how to spot some cool stuff in the night sky. Mita absolutely loves pointing them out to Pepper now.

60.Who pulls the other closer when they’re sleeping?

Occasionally, when Mita is asleep, she'll accidentally reduce Pepper to a convenient teddy bear. The amount of times that Pepper has woken up with Mita hugging her for dear life should be alarming, but Pepper just finds it endearing.

Create Your Own! - They walk in to their favorite meal on the table made by their partner! How do they respond?

I think I've mentioned before that Mita can't cook, but Pepper has some food that can knock her out in five minutes. If Mita were to come home to Pepper having some food for her, it would be a slice of heaven. Pepper's getting whatever she wants for the next week.

Devo and Viktor

2.What would they do if the other woke in a manic state after a nightmare?

When Devo wakes up from a nightmare in a manic state, she tends to have a habit of just leaving the room before she can get her bearings. Most of the time she'll come back after a few minutes and she'll just cuddle up to Viktor to get to sleep.

On really bad nights, she'll just sit on the couch, trying to deal with it alone. It doesn't take Viktor long to realize she's not in bed, and he'll go find her out there. By then, it's usually a lost cause for her to try getting back to sleep, so Viktor will just make some tea and stay with her until she's alright. Viktor also has plenty of distractions, but the easiest one is getting Devo on an astronomy rant, or they'll start working out some hextech problem together. Admittedly, Devo is lost on the engineering part of it, but she has some occasional insight.

Viktor is less prone to nightmares, but it's not like he's never had them. Growing up in the undercity in general is going to have some lasting effects on one's sleep schedule. A common visions of his nightmares are his disease taking his life and leaving Devo and Jayce alone and occasionally Rio. He knows he shouldn't compare trauma, but he doesn't feel like he's allowed to complain to Devo about it when he knows she's seen much worse days than he has.

Devo shuts that train of thought down before it leaves the station. She knows he's comforted by touch, and talking it out helps him get back to sleep. Devo feels like he has more than enough to be scared of, and that he handles it better than she ever could. Viktor usually falls asleep again in her arms.

7. Would they build a pillow fort together just because?

Yes, and they don't care that it's impractical. It's gonna be cozy as fuck.

20.Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

Curses by The Crane Wives

42.What's their favorite type of weather to enjoy together? (getting snowed in together, watching thunderstorms, etc.)

While Devo and Viktor both have some level of disdain for thunder and lightning, heavy rain can be appreciated by them. It means Devo has to take a night off anyway, and usually Viktor comes home early on rainy days, but this is usually the cause of a very cozy night in.

49.Does either of them have a hard time being away from the other?

I know it doesn't sound super romantic, but both of them are pretty good on their own, and sometimes it's even preferable. That doesn't mean they hate being around each other, but both of them are very passionate about their work.

55.Do they like watching clouds or star gazing?

When most people mention cloud watching or star gazing, they mean it as just a relaxing activity that isn't usually supposed to have a function.

But Devo is an astronomer so of course she's going to take this very seriously. But remember how I said she'd often hang around the Hextech lab just to keep Viktor company without really doing anything together? Well, Viktor does that too, but the logistics of stargazing make it possible for him to participate with her. She'll ramble about what she's doing and observing, and she'll also show Viktor and explain in detail what he's looking at.

I don't know if I'd say it's relaxing, but it's more like a date that's more focused on Devo.

60.Who pulls the other closer when they’re sleeping?

I understand the urge for writers to say Viktor is a warm bedmate. However I fully believe that this man is made of actual ice. Devo is a furnace, and it's always Viktor reaching out for her when he's sleeping

Create Your Own! - A Tumblr or Twitter post they would make.

Devoan: I've come to make an announcement Marcus The Sheriff's a bitch ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking wife. Thats right, he took his Enforcer quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was "This big" and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post om my Twitter, Marcus the Sheriff, you've got a small dick, it's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller, and geuss what? Here's what my dong looks like: PFFFT, THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. ALL POINTS, NO QUILLS, NO PILLOWS. Look at that, it's like two balls and a bong. I fucked my wife so guess what? I'm gonna fuck the Earth. THAT'S RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher. I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, HEIMERDINGER? I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DROPLETS HIT THE FUCKING EARTH NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO.

anonymous asked: do you think ghost hunting is ableist?

Viktor: AGAINST WHO M? T HE GHOSTS??!?

The Babysitter Squad (Rosie Calhoun, Eddie Munson, Viola Anderson, Steve Harrington)

Note: while I do have stories planned for Rosie x Eddie, as well as Viola x Steve, the Babysitter Squad is mostly a playground that I mess around with alongside a good friend of mine. I don't have plans to write the polycule as a full story, but I could be convinced to write it into my set stories or separate stories depending on how the first two go.

7.Would they build a pillow fort together just because?

Yes, but Steve would be the one saying it's childish the whole time, but still happily participating.

13.Who’s the bigger tease? (Between Eddie and Rosie)

Eddie by default because as big as Rosie talks, she can't tell Eddie no to save her life.

20.Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

The name of the upcoming fic is a song title, so it'd have to be Save Our Souls by Mötley Crüe.

27.Who is the light weight that needs to be taken care of after a party?

Viola has the alcohol tolerance of a small dog, and she starts stealing things. Not that she intends to steal things, she just keeps picking shit up because it looks interesting and she forgets that she's holding it. She also gets very brave and will climb anywhere that doesn't have barbed wire protection. The amount of times that Steve and Eddie have found her in a tree or on a roof has got to mean something.

29.Who is more likely to jump in an elevator? Who freaks out?

Eddie jumps, it scares the shit out of Steve. (Elevators and Steve are not friends).

48.Who's the better driver?

Rosie is the best driver in the sense that her skills are unmatched, not necessarily in the sense that she follows traffic laws. She has active methods and plans that go into effect the second she sees police lights behind her, and she hasn't gotten a ticket for anything in the last five years despite being a menace to cops on traffic duty. You choose her as your getaway driver, not if you want your son to get to school on time. Unless you're ok with her teaching him a thing or two about disrespecting law enforcement.

If you're looking for road safety, ask Steve.

57.Whose the serious one when grocery shopping and who likes to toss random things in the cart?

Steve is the most serious, Eddie is the least serious. Viola and Rosie fall somewhere between them.

Steve brought a list and will grab a few things for everyone to try. Viola has very specific tastes, but her autism makes it fun for everyone to see how she reacts to certain new things. Rosie doesn't bring a list, and will forget half the shit she needed and she'll also grab a few extra things that catch her interest. Eddie should never go to a grocery store alone if you actually need something. Eddie will come back with so much junk food, but this also means he's the perfect person to send for late night snack runs.

60.Who pulls the other closer when they’re sleeping?

Everybody wants to cuddle Rosie. Steve is a close second, but Rosie just has a certain softness that's like crack to everyone else. The bed situation for them is usually a pairing up situation, but they'll switch around depending on how they're feeling that night. They have been known to fight about who gets to cuddle Rosie, and she'll usually have to break it up by choosing someone based on a rotating schedule she keeps in mind. Any time they fight, she'll just choose the next person in the rotation.

Create Your Own! - What's their favorite "cancelled" media to consume? (Bad content creators, music, etc.)

I'm going with modern!au because I can't be bothered to research problematic media from the 70s and 80s for this.

Viola - She watches those god awful animes from the early 2000s because she thinks they're so bad that they loop back around to being funny. Something about a terrible reverse harem can be very entertaining.

Eddie - You can't tell me this man did not read Twilight and you especially can't tell me he didn't enjoy it to a certain degree. He does rant about how awful the majority of it is, but there are some things he defends to a little too much to be considered normal. Stuff like the sparkling, seems to have resonated with him in a strange way.

Rosie - Consider that she wouldn't watch old cancelled youtubers, but she would watch those 1-2 hour long video essays that deep dive the whole story. She never even vaguely liked prank channels, but she will watch jaubry go into extreme detail on the rise and fall of the daddy-o-five channel.

Steve - Even in a modern!au, Steve can't get enough of dramatic and/or romantic movies. Like, he knows Heathers is supposed to be a satire on the old high school romance trope, but it's a damn good story, and he wouldn't ever date someone like JD, but he can admit out loud the social outcast is a hot look while he's avoiding eye contact with Eddie.

[puff-mmd]

dude shower thoughts brought seijin back into the story

so hear me out

i've always been bothered by trying to figure out where kaisei goes after he and ciro get into their fight, because it has to be a place that ciro could have no idea about. the whole point is he is worried that something bad has happened to kaisei, because no one he contacts knows where he is and kaisei isn't messaging him back (hard to do when his phone was left at home after being kicked out, but that's neither here nor there)

the thing is, by this point in the story, their friend groups overlap pretty concisely. kaisei's friends know ciro and vice versa.

so instead of kaisei holing up with someone either of them knows currently,

what if it's someone from kaisei's past that ciro never knew about?

aka remember way back when i said that in middle/high school, some guys would hit on kaisei as a means of exploration for themselves?

seijin was one of those guys. in fact, he was the guy that got so uncomfortable being intimate with a dude that he just up and left kaisei in a classroom or something, which definitely upsets him.

years later, after his fight with ciro and being kicked out (temporarily, unbeknownst to kaisei atm), he gets hungry and wanders into a convenience store.

"can't think on an empty stomach..."

to which kaisei realizes his phone and wallet were left at home and ah damn how am i going to pay for this snack, the cashier is looking at me like i'm crazy and maybe i am for wandering in so dazed like this, this is why my life is in shambles-

"you can have it. but first, can you help me out with some boxes of stock? they're really heavy and my next shift employee doesn't come in for another hour."

kaisei stares at the dark haired man behind the counter, processing the request, before he absentmindedly nods.

"can i eat this first though? you know oni's, we lose strength quickly, haha..."

"sure"

so kaisei eats his snack and helps this guy out. he doesn't mind the questions from this manager dude, he knows he looks like an oddball and even more so for agreeing to help this guy out at his job.

somewhere in the conversation, kaisei spills that he's been kicked out of the apartment he shares with his bf, and seijin is like, "that's rough buddy. you need a place to stay for a bit?"

kaisei is taken aback a bit by the offer, they just met, hadn't they? he appreciated the help, but he was a little wary of how sudden it was.

and that's when seijin admits the whole "we knew each other in school thing", and how it was really obvious to him who kaisei was. being popular in school and going on to become a famous face plastered all over on magazines and ads has made him quite recognizable.

kaisei remembers him, and then hesitates.

"are you really okay with me staying over like that? after all these years, and how things ended...?"

"yeah man, that was like, high school. i've gotten better about that stuff, and my roommate is like, your biggest fan, so i'm sure she won't mind you hanging around until you're ready to go back."

(his roommate isn't a girlfriend or anything, they are literally just friendly roommates. i get the vibe that seijin might actually be ace in this scenario.)

so kaisei ends up rooming with an old acquaintance and his roommate that does her best not to be weird but is also definitely obsessed with him.

maybe that roommate is miyuri actually, i always liked her design and i could probably morph both her and seijin into some kind of creatures to fit the supernatural world.

she is probably the one who is most helpful in convincing kaisei that he needs to go back and talk things out with ciro.

"even if the worst case scenario happens, at least it will be over and done with."

miyuri says to kaisei as she holds back tears because she was overjoyed when it leaked that kaisei had a steady boyfriend. she's loved his work for so long, and was so happy that kaisei had found someone truly special - he had been longing for it, and she felt that longing through being a fan.

(she is living her dream of piecing her otp back together rn too, idk)

i'm sure seijin also agrees with her that he needs to try again, if nothing else than to see that things are over and start moving on.

(but they both definitely hope they'll just work things out)

and then that fixes the whole "wait so why doesn't ciro just contact everyone they both mutually know to see where he's at" bc former roommate of kaisei's is probably on that list of people ciro would get in touch with.

but random acquaintance/friend(?) from school that kaisei hadn't spoken to in years and never told ciro about?

yeah he's not gonna know to contact seijin lol

closest thing i can get to removing kaisei from his world entirely, because ciro is the type that will turn the world upside looking for his lover, even if he is pissed off at him.

who knows, i might not even keep all of this, but for now, i like it and i think it works. i missed seijin and miyuri tbh, i scrapped them, but it was because they didn't serve a purpose in the story anymore, not because i didn't like them.

welcome back guys ig 💖