#someone said something about not exercising enough even though they work out twice a day

[shy-urban-hobbit]

"wait...is this a date?" with Husk & Angel please :3c

Slight C/W for typical Val behaviour

Angel kicked his feet idly where they hung off the arm of the lobby sofa as he scrolled through his socials. He'd only just been able to start moving around without a limp that morning after Val had damn near broken his leg and while he was happy for the break (hah!) from work, he was now starting to go slightly stir crazy after being housebound for two days after Val had decided he was useless while one of his legs was twice the size of the other.

He scowled to himself as he shifted around slightly. He was pretty sure that was a spring digging into the small of his back but he couldn't muster the energy to rectify it - as Hell's most famous pornstar, he'd been in way more uncomfortable positions - he could live with something that wasn't a dick poking him in the back until someone or something gave him a worthwhile reason to move.

"Hey, Legs."

Angel yelped and cursed in quick succession as the sudden appearance of the hotel's resident cat demon made him promptly drop his phone onto his face.

"Asshole." He grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "First ya ditch me, and then ya make me injure myself. I should make ya kiss it better."

"It's not ditchin' ya if it was work." Husk answered as he placed the new bottles on the bar top, "As for the other thing, can I substitute one of those cups of sugar masquerading as a drink?"

Angel sat up to peek over the back of the sofa. Sure enough Husk was stood holding out a hot pink frappe from his favourite coffee place, an eyebrow raised as he shook the cup slightly, enticingly, "Well?"

"I've told ya you're my favourite, right?" Angel asked, making grabby hands until Husk handed it over, the smell of artificial raspberry filling his nose. "What's in the other bag?"

"Nothin' much. You wanna hang out in my room for a while?"

Angel blinked, finger still in his mouth as he paused in licking off melted whipped cream from where it had run down the side of the cup, "Ain't we got another redemption exercise or hugging circle or some shit in like, 5 minutes?" Not that Angel was complaining; Charlie had used his unexpected freetime to really double down on his possible redemption. Whatever had been said in that meeting with Heaven making her more determined then ever and if he had to look at one more crayon drawing or diagram he was going to start tearing his hair out - he may or may not have played up the whole wanting to rest up and heal thing once or twice, just to get her to leave him alone for 5 minutes (and God bless Vaggie for having his back on that one, even if the look she threw him told him she knew he was exaggerating and even though the princess was always quick to comply with minimal fuss and puppy eyes ever since the whole 'boundary crossing' thing).

Husk shrugged, holding out a hand, "Talked to Charlie earlier, we've both got a pass on this one."

"Fine." Angel took the hand without even thinking about it, gingerly testing his leg after laying down for so long - it still ached, but he didn't end up face planting or anything, "But if we end up having to do some weird extra credit thing later on, I'm blamin' you."

"Noted." Husk chuckled as he grabbed the mystery bag and headed upstairs, Angel's hand still in his.

Angel had only been in Husk's room a handful of times but he'd made a game of trying to see if anything was new or even remotely out of place whenever he entered. The small space was so uniformly neat and organised it was almost like a display rather than an actual living space. Part of Angel wondered if it was a control thing - he used to seek some semblance of control over what entered his body and when and what he'd remember through drink and drugs, why couldn't this be Husk's way? It seemed kind of funny now that the old him probably would've purposely moved things around or hidden something, just to fuck with the other.

"Sooo.... anything specific in that fuzzy head or ya just wanna bask in my presence?"

"So fucking humble." Husk opened up a laptop Angel hadn't noticed sat on the bed before now, "And I was thinkin' a movie. You in?"

"Sure. Surprised Al lets ya have one a those. Y'know, with the whole hatin' any tech after the 40's schtick." Angel said as he settled at the head of the bed, using one set of arms to attempt to plump up Husk's measly excuse for pillows.

"Borrowed it." Husk answered, not giving any details about who from (although Angel had a pretty solid idea if the rainbow and heart stickers were anything to go by).

"Oh my fuckin' God. How dense is this broad?" Angel laughed, throwing his head back against Husk's shoulder after having decided the cat was comfier to lean on than his flat pillows, Husk's arm resting on the low headboard behind them, "The guy's been pining since like, day one!"

"I think the dialogue's maybe one step up from the shit they have you spewin' and that's a low fuckin' bar!"

"Hey, it's all in the delivery, an' I got toys that ain't as stiff as these two." Angel crunched on a strawberry lollipop as the two protagonists acted out yet another 'cute' encounter like they had a gun pointed at their heads, "Y'know I'm surprised ya agreed ta this one. I didn't think it'd be your kinda thing."

"It ain't, but the fact it's so bad it's funny is makin' it bearable."

Angel hummed in agreement, snuggling further into Husk's chest fur as the female protagonists stereotypical gay BFF was laying the truth out for her in that the casual 'not a date' had totally been a date.

"Girl, he invited you over, made sure you weren't going to be interrupted, got you your favourite foods -"

Angel snuck a glance at the various wrappers covering the bed after he'd finally been given permission to dump out the contents of the bag.

"Jeez Husk, you raid a candy store an' just grab anythin' pink?"

"...no."

"Oh my god, you just grabbed anythin' pink!"

"I didn't know what you'd like. Seemed a safe bet."

"Well, well, ain't we the cocky one? Ya that sure I was gonna say yes? And ya bet payed off, just so ya know."

"-sat through something he knew would make him want to gouge his eyes out 'cos he knew you'd like it. How many more clues do you need?!"

Angel blinked, this insult to romcoms suddenly feeling a little too on the nose. Husk clearly felt the same if the way he was suddenly showing great interest in the acid rain falling outside was any indication.

"Wait...Husk, is this a date?"

Husk's tail twitched as he bought his attention to the other demon, cheeks slightly pink under his fur and ears dipped slightly, "It can be, if ya want. Or it can just be two friends hangin' out, rippin' a terrible movie to shreds. Your call."

Angel moved slowly, partly because of his leg and partly because he didn't want to spook the other as he sat himself in Husk's lap, mindful not to let his expression slip into the lewd mask he usually had to wear when he was practically straddling someone on a bed as he cupped Husk's jaw so the cat couldn't look anywhere but at him, "Yeah. I want."

[itstheoneshot]

He’s a Model, Darling

request

Summary: There is nothing better than on-set chemistry, and working with someone as attractive and charming as this makes it so, so easy.

Word Count: 3.2k

Pairing: Wang Yibo x Reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Exhibitionism, Unprotected Sex.

Being a model has its pros and cons. You adhere to a strict diet and exercise regime, with that comes intense emotions, fluctuating energy levels and a twisted sense of self. On the other hand, you travel the world, and meet all kinds of amazing people. You have friends in every country that you have been to, and you never go without anything material-wise, always owning the latest clothes, tech, accessories. Brand deals are never ending, and for that you are so grateful.

Today marks another two day shoot, this time in Beijing, with a model whom you know of, but have yet to meet.

Wang Yibo, idol, actor, dancer, model. You are thrilled at the opportunity, sure that you can learn something from him, even though you too are at the top of the game, there is always an excitement in meeting other highly successful models.

Seeing him in person blew you away, twice as handsome as any photo could capture. You were overwhelmed at first, racking your brain to try and remember anything you learnt through Mandarin classes at school, worried that you will be unable to communicate with your co-model, when he interrupts your train of thought.

“Hi,” He smiles at you, speaking English, “It’s nice to meet you.”

A wave of relief washes over you, though you don’t know if he is fluent, his accent and intonation is good.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” You reply, “I look forward to working with you.”

You watch Yibo’s expression, examining his features, and you can see him translating in his head, processing the words that you said.

“Oh me too,” He nods, “Your work is so good.”

Are you really blushing? How embarrassing, and he definitely notices. Though there is no further time for conversation as you hear your manager call your name, requesting for you to go to your dressing room to prepare.

“I’ll see you on set!” You say with a little bow of your head, waving softly before you turn in the direction of your manager, as Yibo does the same with his.

Soon you are ready, handing your water bottle to your manager before walking out on set. The lights are bright, and the backdrop is a floral, forest kind of scene. Coming into Spring, you are modelling the new season’s collection, and you could not be more thrilled. The dress you are wearing is stunning, low cut but classy neck, the length sits just above your knee. Yibo is in a casual suit, open blazer with a button up shirt and slacks. You wear high heels and he in sneakers, and everything just fits.

“Looking good,” You comment as the director puts you in position, “This might be the best season yet.”

Yibo eyes you up and down so openly, and although in this business that is something you are used to, you feel that same blush crawl up your cheeks. You thank the heavens that you have enough makeup on to hide it, and you glance away for a second to try to calm down.

“You do too,” He replies, moving closer to you on instruction, “These are your colours.”

It’s cute, the way that he tries to communicate with you, and your chemistry is unreal. The day flies by, with you two laughing and making jokes, testing both of your language skills, and having so much fun. You don’t remember the last time you enjoyed a shoot so much, and you are happy that it will continue on to tomorrow.

“Do you want to get coffee?” Yibo asks, looking at you with a soft expectancy, no pressure.

“I’d love to,” You nod, “I’ll just let my manager know that I don’t need her to drive me home.”

Yibo smiles at you as you turn around, heading back to your dressing room to change, and to tell your manager about your plans. She is happy for you to go, but does warn you not to stay out late, reminding you of the early start tomorrow. You hadn’t planned on that anyway, all you are doing is getting a drink, but you thank her again before leaving to find your new friend.

“I can drive us,” Yibo tells you, holding his arm out for you to take, “I drove here alone.”

Touching him now off set, brings a whole new feeling, it is electric, and you realise the chemistry was not just put on for show. You try to pay no mind to the goosebumps raised on your skin, and focus on following his lead, out to the parking lot where his expensive sports car is parked. 

He opens the door for you, and continues to hold onto you as you get down into the car. He finally relinquishes his grip, though lingers momentarily with his hand up by your cheek before he pulls back to close the door. Not a moment later he is in the driver’s seat, pressing the ignition to fire up the engine, and reversing out of his parking spot to leave the set. You wouldn’t consider yourself that into cars, but there’s just something about an insanely hot man, driving a fast and powerful vehicle, that is just so attractive.

Yibo catches you staring, and you watch his lips curl up in a smirk before he glances over at you while he is pulled up at a red light.

“What’s on your mind, beautiful?” He asks, “Don’t think I don’t see you.”

He is so cheeky. Butterflies flutter in your stomach and heat rushes to your cheeks as he stares at you, and you are lost for words. He looks away, back to the road ahead as he takes off at the lights, and you find the courage to speak again once you are no longer lost in his eyes.

“Oh nothing,” You reply with a defiant edge, “Why, is something on yours?”

Yibo rolls his eyes with a playful laugh, shaking his head, “Oh, nothing,” He mimics you, diverting the topic, “The cafe is just over here.”

He turns down a side street and pulls up on the side of the road, quickly getting out of the car to open your door for you again. You aren’t used to chivalry, but you take it gracefully, any excuse to hold his hand again, a little overwhelmed when he doesn’t let go, interlocking your fingers while you walk a few stores down to the cafe. 

He lets go of you once you are seated, moving to take his own seat opposite of you. He calls a waiter over and orders an iced americano for you both, before focusing his attention on you and you only. He has you giggling and blushing non-stop, a natural flirtatious energy that you try your hardest to match. A confirmation of the connection you shared, it is so easy to spend time with him, and you are disappointed when you look down at your watch and realise that it is late and you need to go back to your hotel.

“I’ll drop you off,” Yibo offers, “And I’ll see you on set again in the morning.”

This time you reach for his hand first, and hold it with him on the gearshift while he drives. Your hotel isn’t far, and you are saddened again when you need to say goodbye. He lets go of your hand, to gently grab your thigh. You let out a surprised whimper, in shock but not complaining, but the moment passes quickly, and he moves out of the car to come around and help you from your seat. He pulls you in to hug you goodbye, and if you had any less restraint, you would be asking him upstairs, but instead you breathe him in for the time that he holds you, memorising the way that his hands feel on your waist, burning his dark, woody perfume scent into your senses.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” You mumble breathlessly, letting your gaze wander when he steps back, “Thank you, for today, and tonight.”

Yibo nods in agreement, “I can’t wait, I’ll see you then.”

He sits in his car and watches you walk into the hotel lobby, turning to wave once more before you make your way to the elevator, riding it up to the 30th floor where your room is. Your phone buzzes in your pocket when you exit, but you wait until you are in your room before you answer it.

The first message is from your manager, wanting confirmation that you made it back to your accommodation safely. You reply with your confirmation before opening the conversation that you are actually interested in.

Yibo

I enjoyed your company today, and I realised I didn’t say thank you yet, so thank you.

You

As did I, and I’ll be thinking of the way your hands felt on me for a long while.

You couldn’t help yourself, mind still racing from the sparks that flew between you. The anxiety of being so forward over text is short-lived as another message pops up on screen.

Yibo

Maybe I’ll keep them there longer next time, so it’s harder to forget.

Go get some sleep, sweetheart.

I’ll see you tomorrow x

You bite your tongue to stop yourself from screaming. The implication is enough to make heat surge between your thighs. You reply with a simple goodnight, Yibo gē, before stripping off to shower and do your skincare routine. It is hard to wind down to sleep, but you get comfortable between the sheets and find yourself drifting off imagining the way that he kisses, and silently praying that you would find out for real.

In the morning you walk onto the set with an iced coffee in hand and your manager by your side, greeting the staff politely on your way through to your dressing room. You see Yibo ahead but he is already halfway through the door, so disappointingly you do not get to greet him, instead having to wait until you are dressed and made up, and out in front of the cameras.

“Did you sleep okay?” Yibo asks, “I like your style today.”

Today’s concept is a bit darker, leathers and straps and chains. If you thought Yibo looked good yesterday, that feeling is only tenfold today. You openly stare him up and down, admiring the outfit and makeup that they have him in.

“I did, did you?” You reply, “This look suits you a lot.”

Yibo nods, but is interrupted by the director before he can answer. You begin another day of modelling, this time a lot of the poses are closer than yesterday, more touching, more eye contact, and it drives you crazy. You are sure that the chemistry will show on camera, but that will only be portrayed as skill and talent, which works in both yours and Yibo’s favour. This concept requires a lot more seriousness, less laughter and fun, but you make the most of it, enjoying the change of pace and the challenge of holding yourself together. Yibo is hilarious off camera, and he makes it known that he is playfully trying to mess with you, but you love it.

You get through the shoot faster than expected, and are sent off to your dressing room while the managers and directors break for their lunch, and then to look through the photography to see whether anything else needs to be done. You are grateful for the free time, after changing back into your own clothes, a skirt and crop top combination, relaxing on one of the chairs with your legs up on the table, scrolling through your phone mindlessly.

Yibo

You know you could come see me for our break, right?

YouIs that your way of asking me to your dressing room?

YiboI’ll see you soon.

You roll your eyes, but find yourself standing up to leave the room. You quickly glance down the hall to see nobody around, and take quick strides to the room you saw Yibo enter earlier. You knock a few times before the door opens, and Yibo opens the door, grabbing your wrist to pull you in. His grip is strong, and you already feel yourself faltering. You aren’t sure what he wanted you to see him for, but when he moves his hands to your waist, you begin to get an idea.

“Is this better?” He asks, “Don’t want you to forget this.”

You are sure that you look like a deer in headlights, eyes wide as you try to process what is happening. Yibo stares at you with a brooding gaze, lids heavy as he stares at your lips. You lick them subconsciously, and that is when he leans in to kiss you. You are addicted from the second that your lips connect, gasping at the feeling, Yibo takes the opportunity to taste you, tongue fighting with yours, as one hand moves from your waist up to your hair, fingers carding through it to settle at the base of your scalp. He pulls you further into the room, over to one of the dressing tables where he guides you to sit up on it, spreading your legs to fit in between them. Kisses getting heavier, you whine as he nibbles on your bottom lip, grasping to the collar of his shirt to keep him close to you, crossing your ankles behind him.

“I won’t forget,” You breathe, “How could I? Just look at you.”

Yibo smirks into the kiss, hands now on your thighs to spread them further apart, loving the way that you give in to him, knowing that you want him just as bad as he wants you. Your hands slip under his shirt, desperate to feel the body that he is hiding under there. He is so fit, and you trace his muscles with your fingertips, wanting to learn every single one of them, burn them into your memory forever, knowing that this is more than likely a one time thing.

“You want this, don’t you?” He asks as his hands travel further upwards, under your skirt and increasingly closer to where you are most desperate for, “I need you.”

“Please,” You beg, moaning into his mouth as his fingers trail over your core, “I need you, too.”

It is thrilling, getting frisky in a dressing room, knowing that you could be walked in on at any moment. Do these doors even lock? Too late now… You grab at Yibo’s waist, hands working at the button and fly on his jeans, needing him desperately, and as quickly as possible. Yibo reaches further, fingers hooking into the elastic waistband of your panties, and you obediently lift your hips to allow him to pull them down. Simultaneously you free him from his jeans, tugging them down his legs enough to palm at his hardened cock, sheathed away in his underwear.

“Don’t make me wait,” He growls, furiously pulling his own underwear down and directing you to wrap your hand around his shaft, “Oh, fuck yes…”

You stroke him gently, only wanting to tease him a bit, enjoying it maybe too much how riled up he is getting. You hope that the more you tease, the harder he will go on you, but right now you would be happy with anything that he is willing to give to you. 

Yibo doesn’t make you wait long, his hand moving to wrap around yours as you shuffle closer to the edge of the dressing table. Yibo teases you back, sliding the tip of his cock up your slit, letting your arousal slick him up, but nothing more. He waits until you are whimpering, legs tightening around him before he enters you, slow and cautious, allowing you to take him in all the way. Your breath hitches, gulping as you adjust to the initial stretch, he fills you so well. He lets out a low groan, in comparison with your breathy whine, and he kisses you to keep you quiet as he pulls out to enter you again, this time faster, more forceful, the angle hitting you in all the right places.

He speeds up, unable to hold back anymore. It is so hard to be quiet, with the way that he fucks into you with no reprieve at all. You worry that he is going to tear your hair out, his grip ever-tightening as he tries to keep you still. Each passing second, you know that the chances of you being caught increase, but his cock makes you feel so good, you wouldn’t be opposed to the whole world seeing. You swear that you hear footsteps, but this only spurs Yibo on, picking up the pace to a point that you can barely cope with, overstimulated is an understatement, you are close, Yibo’s hand on your clit to make sure of that, and you know he must be too.

“Gonna cum,” He warns you, “You want that, don’t you?” It’s hard to talk, with your orgasm threatening to take over, you try your hardest to compose yourself, to find the strength to reply.

“I need it,” You whine, “Please, Yibo, please…”

With permission, and the continuous stimulation, you release, thighs shaking as he continues to fuck you through it. You hold him tight, kissing him over and over to try and keep yourself even a little bit quiet, and only moments later does he follow suit, his high washing over him with breathless groans of your name. You are fucked out by the time he slows down, and he is hesitant to pull out of you, but you both know that if you take any longer, you will be caught for sure, and now that your high is subsiding, you are not too keen on that idea.

“I needed that,” He murmurs, kissing you as he pulls out, “I don’t think I could’ve gone on if I had not been able to have you.”

He is so smooth, it makes you blush. You stand to dress yourself, as Yibo steps back to make room for you to do so. Once dressed, you know that you need to leave, not wanting to raise too much suspicion, knowing that if your manager can’t find you there will be hell to pay.

“I did too,” You reply as you fix your hair in the mirror, glancing at Yibo over your shoulder, “At least I’ll be able to focus now if we have to take more photos.”

Yibo reaches forward to tuck your hair behind your ear, trailing his fingers down your neck before he moves back to give you the space to get past him. You are a little unsteady on your feet, but not noticeably, which you are glad about.

“Maybe we should go out for drinks after work?” He suggests, “You aren’t flying home today, are you?”

He has a devilish grin when you turn to face him, one that makes you want to jump him again. Instead, you smirk back, raising an eyebrow indicating that you know what he is looking for, and wondering what he will be like once he’s got alcohol in his system. You are intrigued, and more than interested, and you know that you would regret it if you turned him down.

“I’m here for a few more days,” You tell him, “Yes, let’s do that, I’m sure you know all the best places to go.”

[thegodthief]

The client I have a crush on at work, to whom I have never been inappropriate nor granted exceptions, with whom I have always strived to keep a professional relationship with even though they have called me out as queer and propositioned me in what was one of the most intense conversations in my life...

The person that made my ice-bound heart weep from intensity...

Was overheard by someone who realized the importance of what they heard and immediately came to me to tell me what was said.

"I can get anything I want from [Keri's Department]. I have her all but in my pocket, so let me know what you want and I'll make it happen. Don't worry about the rules. I can get around the rules. She'll bend for me, I know it."

The person who relayed this to me apologized for flat-out snitching, but they know how fiercely I defend my team and how vocal I am about my department being neutral towards the clients because even the appearance of impropriety is enough to start too much sticky shit. They said that normally such talk wouldn't mean anything because I am well known for keeping an emotional distance from all the clients, but there was something about this particular person that made them worry for/about me.

I confirmed to them that I am not in any relationship with any of the clients, physical, emotional, romantic, or other. I admitted that there were some clients that I did like to look twice at or enjoyed their presence a little more than others, but I did not permit the stirrings of the body determine the performance of my office. (They laughed at the idea that Keri might be appreciative of the human form.) I thanked them for telling me this information and confirmed that it would be held in confidence.

For one thing, that particular client had not requested anything beyond was their right to request. And I am subject to the very same checks and balances that I put in place to prevent undue favorable decisions. My second has the right and the duty to call me out if I make a mistake or if my decision appears questionable. My second has the right and the duty to go over my head if something isn't sitting well with them. All my team has that right, actually. Our department is just that important.

I admitted that I was dismayed and disappointed that the client's friendliness was actually a trap for improper entanglements. They asked me if I was disappointed because a client was making a slow trap for me, or because I thought I had found someone that could be a friend and was betrayed instead.

"Is it that obvious?"

"[Keri], your face didn't go on a journey, it went to a wake."

"Ah. Yea. This one stings. But I'll be okay. It just means I'll have to go back to being That Bitch™ to everyone. I won't say anything to [that client] because there is nothing to be said. I will maintain my distance and stoicism. This is all a show and I will play my part."

They apologized again for bringing me pain. I told them I would rather have the pain they brought me rather than be placed in a compromising position later. Again, the appearance of impropriety can be more damaging than any unauthorized approval.

The next day, that client came in to the office to request an indulgence that was not theirs to receive. Normally, I would come explain the matter to the client in person. This time, I asked my team to make a group exercise of examining this client's situation and briefly discuss the outcome. They all agreed that the client had asked for a privilege that was not theirs to receive. I sent my second and another team member to discuss the matter with that client.

That client initially refused to speak with them and asked for me directly. "She'll make time for me, I'm sure. Just tell her I'm here." My second confirmed that I was not available and that either they receive the information now or receive a phone call from my second later, but the matter had already been discussed and settled. That client huffed and grumped but accepted to hear out my team.

"So, that's the way it is."

"Yes."

"I guess I was expecting too much. I really thought... never mind."

The property notes were updated and my second raised an eyebrow when they saw I had noted that any further requests from this particular client were to be routed to my immediate superior. They waited until lunch when the office was empty to say anything.

"So, about [that client], I saw your note. That was personal."

"Yes."

"Want me to handle them if they come back?"

"Only if you are comfortable."

"Absolutely. Someone taught me how to be rude to clients and say 'no', after all. For what it's worth, I don't doubt you. But if this hurts, I'll take it from you."

"Yea, this one hurts."

"Mine."

It has been a few weeks since this happened. That client has come back several times, requesting to speak with me personally each time, and requesting something above what they are permitted to receive. Each time, it has been a different team member that has spoken to them. The one time they demanded to speak with a manager, my immediate superior came out to meet with them.

"Where's [Keri]?"

"She's working on a project and can't be disturbed until it's done. I'm her superior so whatever I rule, she has to uphold. Your request cannot be granted, and no one on staff has the authority to overrule that. Did you submit your written request to your board that does have the authority?"

"Never mind. I see how this is going to be."

They left and haven't been back.

If anyone else has picked up on my weakness, they have chosen silence. I am finally able to remark on the matter. All of my relationships have ended poorly, and after a decade of wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, the one time I allow myself to consider the possibility of an idea, and it winds up being an exploitative trap.

I am proud of my team, of my second especially.

I am thankful for my superior's choice to not interrogate me about the one fucking time that Keri chooses not to engage in a matter.

But, I am tired. I am very tired.

[circa-specturgia]

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

Since @tryingtimi @bloodlessheirbyjacques @the-void-writes @baroquesse, @awritingcaitlin and @agrimedena-drax all asked me (some twice, if you need any idea at how bad I am at answering asks), I’ve finally gotten around to writing it down…

I'll answer it for my main WIPs, Circa Specturgia's main character, Caspian. Answers being from him in the state he's in around the midpoint, or towards the end of the second arc of the story, if I were to guess!

Cas is sitting in front of a fire, a ways away from the camp where everyone else is staying, far enough away to be out of earshot when you sit beside him. He doesn't pay you much mind, though he doesn't brush you off, instead stoking the fire, which illuminates the bags under his eyes.

1. Are you named after anyone?

I am. We were able to know for sure that the A .in my name meant Alekos once we'd met V, though after meeting Mask the first time, we already suspected that it meant something to me. Though, I don't know if I can count it as being named after someone if I'm to be that persons incarnation...

Aside from that, Blackwood... It's where I'm supposedly from, but I'd like to think that I've made that my name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I’d rather not say. Or think about it.

3. Do you have kids?

Uh, no. Maybe I'd like to, in the future, though. If I can even really think about that right now. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if Mask can even... hmm. Maybe I should ask.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Never. Not once in my life have I ever used sarcasm for any reason.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Would you punch me if I said their ass?

He chuckles a bit once you do, before he straightens up, stoking the fire again.

Their eyes. You can usually tell a lot from the eyes.

6. What's your eye color?

Black. Or really dark grey? Like graphite, or obsidian. They apparently turn gold sometimes though. Whenever I do anything Antecendant. I’ve never looked in a mirror when it happens.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I'd like to hope for happy endings.

8. Any special talents?

I don't know if I can count my arsosteia as a talent? It's just something I can do, thought V said I have a knack for it. Kane would also– ...sorry.

He goes silent for a moment, having remembered something he'd rather have not, the fire dimming before he realizes it, and reignites the embers.

Uh, I guess Adira said once that I picked up fighting instincts quick.

9. Where were you born?

I… don’t really know. The Blackwood, I mentioned it earlier, was where I was apparently created, but I don’t know the details. If V knows, he didn't tell me. Cyril put down Layr Laiarta when sorting out my documents, so I guess that makes me a Vosiinæan on paper. I think that works for me. Maybe I'll settle down there. If I earn that happy ending.

10. What are your hobbies?

I liked reading, when I had time. The Royal University Library had a ton of books, and even if the ones on Matrixes gave me a headache I'd still take those over what we have to deal with these days.

Sparring is nice too. Both with or without specturgy. It lets everything sort of melt away, too.

11. Do you have any pets?

Do the runalongs count? I didn’t even know I could do it until recently but Mask taught me to summon them to me and they have my fire, so I guess that makes them my pets?

That said, Mask is enough of a creature themselves that I could call them my Pet…

12. What sports do you play/ have played?

Does sparring count? Adira and Cyril have us practicing nearly constantly. I don’t mind it, though. Like I said, helps me clear my head.

13. How tall are you?

6'5" or so? Cyril says I've gotten taller over the last year.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Gods, that feels forever ago... I think it would've been the the practice matches against Cyril. Or the control exercises, they were tough, but, finishing them felt good.

15. Dream Job?

He doesn't speak for a moment, looking into the fire.

I haven't let myself think that far ahead, yet.

I return the ask to @tryingtimi @bloodlessheirbyjacques @the-void-writes @baroquesse, @awritingcaitlin and @agrimedena-drax, and add on @magefaery @cherrybombfangirlwrites @verba-writing @ss-hawthorne @kainablue @wildswrites @jessica-writes22 @breath-of-eternity and @manuscriptsatmidnight!

Have fun!

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

20: I’m fine

Heal my Wounds

Warnings: None

This is part of a series. If you haven’t, I suggest starting at Part 1.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

Josephine was just getting ready for her training when someone knocked at her door.

“Ah, shit,” she muttered, hopping on one leg, trying to wrestle the other into her pants. “Coming!”

Of course, being in a hurry made the leg of her pants twist, and it took twice as long to finally get dressed as it would usually have. Slightly out of breath, she hurried to the door.

“Hey, you’re —” she started as she opened the door, only to freeze as soon as she saw the person waiting in front of it. “Tassilo.”

“Yes, I am Tassilo,” he replied, an amused smile on his lips. “Is this a bad time?”

Josephine resisted the urge to look down the hall, to see if Valadan was anywhere close.

“Not quite, but I don’t have long. Come in.”

Walking back through her room, she turned her back to Tassilo, making sure to properly close her pants and tuck her shirt in. Looking a bit disheveled had bothered her less when she had thought she’d be opening the door for Valadan. After all, during their training her hair and clothes rarely stayed in pristine condition.

Speaking of hair… She walked over to the nightstand, grabbing a leather band. 

“What brings you here?” she asked, turning around again.

Wrestling her hair up was one of the things she had already hated before half of her right hand had become all but useless. If she didn’t, it was always in the way; falling into her eyes, getting caught in her clothes, and she didn’t even want to think about how training with it loose would end. Unlike her sister, she had never once considered cutting it off, though.

“Just wanted to see how you’re holding up.” Tassilo watched her fight with the band, dropping half of the strands and starting over. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’m fine,” Josephine said, her voice slightly pressed due to the fact that she had decided to hold the band with her mouth to have her hands free. “How are the others?”

“Anka is barely leaving their lab. If there is anything at all in those stone samples, they will find it.” Tassilo smiled. “Marian and her wife have returned to their citadel in the Wilds.”

Josephine nodded. They had stopped by before their departure a few days prior, inviting her to visit some day.

“Pascal and I will leave for another mission tomorrow.”

At those words, her eyebrows rose. She hadn’t even heard of another mission. “Geology or botany?” she asked. The brothers’ specializations differed, but they only worked as a team.

The silence that followed her question was answer enough. 

Great. It didn’t surprise her that she hadn’t been asked to join; she was far from ready to go out again, and she didn’t think she’d be ready anytime soon. But it hurt that she hadn’t even been informed. Despite working in the archives for now — only part time, because her arm grew tired very quickly — she was still a part of the geology department. Or so she had thought. She would figure out later if she was truly hurt, or if this was just one more incident pushing her to leave it all behind.

She had only trained with Valadan for a bit over two weeks; if one could even call it training. Her bones had been healed, but her strength and condition were severely lacking. Most of their mornings they spent warming up, then doing some exercises that helped her regain her endurance and flexibility. She could probably have done that without him, but she had to admit that it was way more fun with him.

With every day she walked to the training grounds, her sword at her side, she felt better about it. Unlike her work behind closed doors, this was somehow fulfilling. The sun on her skin and the wind in her hair, her blade in her hand and her magic deep within her. Valadan had brought up the possibility of using it to fight, and the mere thought had her excited. It was something she would never have considered; it wasn’t proper.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Tassilo asked again.

Oh. She must have been lost in thoughts for a bit too long. And now those very same thoughts made her smile as she finally fastened the leather strap keeping her hair up.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Under Tassilo’s incredulous gaze she let her hands sink. Perhaps that had been a bit too enthusiastic. She flexed the fingers of her right hand; or the two that would obey her will. For a moment, it all came back. The bitterness and the pain when she did something that had always been so easy, only to be reminded that it wasn’t anymore. All the other scars that had remained, a sensation she hadn’t quite gotten used to yet, not to mention that some of them limited her movements. The nightmares that still plagued her almost every night, leaving her shaking and too afraid to go back to sleep. Knowing that all she had worked for was in shatters, and how the dreaded talk with her parents would go the next time she’d see them.

But for the first time in her life, someone believed in her. Valadan didn’t blame her for her weaknesses, but worked with her to find her strengths. It almost made her believe in herself, believe that her own wishes were just as valuable as the expectations that were set on her. Perhaps it would be a vain effort, but she could certainly afford it to indulge in her dreams for a couple of weeks.

“This isn’t gonna change,” she said, raising her right hand before she took a few steps to the side, to where her sword was leaning against a shelf. Tassilos eyebrows rose as she reached for it. “But this is not who I am,” she continued, fastening it to her belt. “I’m not gonna let this get the better of me.”

A knock on her door made her spin around, turning her 'even if it’s hard sometimes’ into a distracted mumble. Despite being worried about what Tassilo would say when he’d see Valadan, she didn’t hesitate a moment to hurry towards the door. She definitely was old enough to meet who she wanted, when she wanted, and for whatever reason she wanted. 

Opening the door, she had to remind herself that she was definitely meeting him to learn how to fight, not to stare at him or get lost in his purple eyes.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he replied.

“Thank you for checking in on me, Tassilo.” Josephine purposefully raised her voice, not sure if Valadan was able to see him from where he was standing. “I wish you good luck on your mission. Please extend my regards to Pascal as well.”

Well that had come out a bit more formal than appropriate, but Tassilo didn’t comment on it. She stepped aside when he came closer, to let him pass. He paused just in front of the doorway, looking at her.

“I see. I mean, thank you. I’ll let you know how it went when we’re back, but it’ll be some weeks; possibly two months. Take care. And…” He smiled, and she could have sworn it almost warped into a grin. “I’m glad you’re fine.”

Then he stepped outside. It was a shame she couldn’t see the looks the two men exchanged, before Tassilo waved one last time in her direction and walked down the hall. Josephine took a deep breath, leaving the room herself and pulling the door closed behind her. Her gaze fell on Valadan’s hands, and the one cup of coffee he was holding.

“No coffee for me?”

“That one is for you.” He handed her the cup. The liquid inside was as almost-beige as always. “I already had mine. Need it a bit earlier to keep up with your schedule, princess.”

As much as she had hated this nickname before, now she didn’t mind it at all. Perhaps it was the way he said it; spoken kindly, with a smile that reached his eyes and was mirrored in his tone.  

Suddenly the fact that no one had told her about some boring mission to stare at some boring rocks didn’t bother her as much anymore.

Tagging: @dont-touch-my-soup​ @whump-in-the-moonlight​

[thepolyamorouspolymath]

Well M2 and I are over. He broke up with me, mostly because I lost my temper, though he claimed it was more than the one incident.

To be honest, I don't know if I snapped because of what he said, because of my mood, or because I really didn't know if I wanted him.

Most of what he said was hypocrisy. He ignored everywhere he was wrong or shitty, even while claiming to own his shit.

No, I own mine. And because I own it, I could pick apart what he said and see the pieces of truth in it.

One thing, I do tend to say "you made me..." versus "I feel" statements. I do tend to lose my temper and speak rashly.

So I decided to start a meditation practice once, possibly twice a day and a short mindfulness exercise every hour or two, depending on how understanding my boss is. I'm going to make note cards with different exercises on them and shuffle then around and pick at random to get a good selection.

When I was in residential at TK we did mindfulness at the start of every group which was every hour. So I figure... if they were doing it every hour, then doing it that much now should be enough.

Clearly I need to work on control both inner and outer, and that's how to do it.

As for not communicating well and respectfully and effectively, I'm committed to one dbt interpersonal effectiveness exercise a day. I'm thinking about adding an anger exercise too.

I also restarted my thought log because I noticed my insecurities came out in what I said. I need to be able to respond to them myself without relying on saying something bad about myself and expecting someone else to correct it.

The fact is, the guy I met at first who said what he wanted sounded good. But that guy never showed up. He said he wanted radical honesty but complained about me airing insecurity or negativity. He said he wanted openness but shut down and shut me out all the time. He claimed he got no support from me when I did nothing but support his family and business stress. Meanwhile the few issues I did mention either got ignored or they got one sentence.

Plus dude tried to diagnose me with a personality disorder when in 25 years literally never thought it was a personality issue versus psychological issue. In fact, I think his belief I had BPD, which is usually toxic and hard if not impossible to effectively treat, played a part in his decision to end it with signs I might be abusive one day.

He accused me of gaslighting when I said what I truly believe and had evidence for. But his diagnosing me against 25 years of professionals with something that marks me as often hopeless and anti social isn't gaslighting?

He said how he was stressed and needed something fun and easy going. But the first week he said serious and committed. I told him repeatedly to tell me if I got too much or if it was becoming annoying or anything, because I do tend to babble. Never a word. So much for radical honesty and openness.

I told him so, along with this wasn't an attempt to blame shift or manipulate but rather a type of exit issue so we could both see where we could improve.

[lionheartslowstart]

Drama

-

Edit: My mother has pointed out to me that it isn't drama I'm addicted to, but rather, conflict. Still, conflict can lead to drama, especially when blown out of proportion, so I suppose the end result is the same.

-

Real growth can't happen if we're not honest with ourselves.

I talk a lot about learning self-awareness, and how important it is to always be growing, and to try and be a better version of yourself every day. If I'm going to talk the talk, I also better be walking the walk, right?

Well, just a few days ago, I realized something pretty embarrassing about myself.

I'm addicted to drama.

For those close to me, this did not come as a surprise. But for me, it was. I knew I enjoyed the occasional confrontation here and there, but "addicted?" That's a pretty strong word. Still, if I'm being honest with myself, there's a thrill I get from stirring the pot. And while I definitely wouldn't say I conjure conflict out of thin air for shits and gigs, I will definitely take the smallest slight, whether to me or a loved one, and just fucking run wild with it.

As challenging as it was for me to acknowledge this, recognizing your own toxic behaviors and coping mechanisms is so important if you want to keep improving. And I do. But awareness of the behaviors alone is not what leads to real and meaningful growth. Ultimately, you have to ask yourself WHY.

So I did, and I surprised myself because I knew the answer almost immediately.

I have so much pent up rage and pain from everything I've been through, and being petty, getting involved in meaningless conflicts, gives me an outlet to not only exercise my anger, but to weaponize it against people whom I believe to "deserve" it.

Moreover, I have this really irritating obsession with "winning." But not just "winning." Oh no, the other person or people have to KNOW I "won." Which of course is incredibly stupid. Why is it not enough for ME to know I "won?" Better yet, why do I have to "win" at all? Even if I know deep down that the real way to "win" is by just walking away, I still can't let it go. It has to be undeniable that I CRUSHED my enemy. That they got the verbal and/or emotional pummeling they deserved. They can't walk away with any impression that they got the best of me. Ever.

I view petty conflicts as a means of expressing all of my pent up anger, and then leaving those interactions feeling superior in some way. If you boil it down to the barest bones, I'm essentially reliving my life-long trauma, but I get to win every time. And it feels good. Which is not good.

The fact is, the only person I'm really hurting is myself. I'm giving bullies, losers, and instigators exactly what they want: a reaction, and attention. So am I even really "winning" at all? Like I said, I know the answer is to walk away. I do. But I can't bring myself to do it. I can't live with the idea that someone thinks they beat me, even if I know that they haven't. Like I said, THEY have to know that they haven't.

Worse still, I don't think this is something I'm ready to change. As I said, I'm only hurting myself by doing this. I never start things out of thin air, or for no reason. I only get involved with people who get involved with me first. But most of the time, these are silly things that I should probably just let roll off my back, or pathetic people I should just be laughing at. Instead, I fire back twice as hard and dig my heels in, even though that's usually exactly what the other person wants. As for my loved ones, while I do often get involved on their behalf, I have always respected when someone tells me not to. I would never want to disrespect my friends' requests or boundaries. So even though it's not great that I'm not ready to work on this yet, at least I'm the only one who is negatively affected by it.

Obviously, that's not the end goal. I want to want to work on this. I want to continue being the best version of myself I can be. But in the meantime, at least I now can see the toxic behavior and understand where it comes from and why I do it. As I continue to reflect and grow over time, I'm certain I will get to the place where I'm ready to address the issue head on and find healthier ways to deal with my feelings surrounding this specific pattern. That is how it has been for me with toxic coping mechanisms in the past. I discover them, I acknowledge them, I accept them, and then eventually, I'm ready to change them out for healthier, more productive coping mechanisms.

One of my best friends once told me that I always need to have the biggest dick in the room. Funny? Yes. True? Yes. Toxic? Definitely.

[m-recovers]

recovery is so hard ! i’m gonna keep going but damn my thoughts are loud !

[luveline]

in the morning, afternoon and night [Fred Weasley x Reader]

tags: reader-insert, hurt/comfort, self esteem issues, low self esteem, reader has acne, sad reader, insecure reader

pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

word count: 1.8k

You glared at your reflection.

You'd think with such amazing magical medicine available, some witch or wizard would've invented a cure for acne, or at least a spell that covered it up.

You'd struggled with it since your third year. The muggle doctor you'd seen with your mother had suggested it was hormonal, and would calm down as you got older.

That was years ago.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. It wasn't, really. It wasn't usually very painful, though it was itchy as a stinging nettle and twice as unsightly. A large part of you knew it wasn't your fault, that acne was something that simply affected people at different times in their lives. You'd tried topicals and changing your diet, you'd tried losing weight and exercising and dermaplaning and everything they suggested in your mams fashion magazines.

Nothing worked.

Tears welled in your eyes and you sniffed them back, blinking rapidly.

It might've been silly, but it honestly made you want to hide away. You'd skipped dinner without really thinking, finding your way into the girls bathroom you inhabited now. You straightened your tie and robes, dusting down the sides. You leaned forward again, dabbing under your eyes with your sleeve.

The last thing you wanted was for anyone to know you'd been crying, because then someone might ask why. You didn't want to talk about it, ever.

If Fred saw you like this...

You and Fred Weasley had been almost dating for a few weeks now. Almost, because you hadn't talked about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing yet.

It had been years of thinking he was the fittest boy in Gryffindor (besides George) and months of meeting his gaze in the corridors and catching his eye over dinner. Gradually it had become something more; he started carrying your books between classes and opening doors, touching your arms and your hair and your face.

You cringed at the memory. He had been so caring, moving to wipe an eyelash from the skin under your eye. You'd violently flinched from his hand, afraid he might feel the bumpy texture of your skin, feel the acne beneath your makeup. He'd been apologetic and a little confused, filling you with guilt. You hadn't been able to find a way to tell him it wasn't him, it was you. Of course you wanted him to touch you, the thought of him cradling your face had been the subject of many dizzy daydreams, but you just couldn't tell him this one thing.

It was your deepest insecurity.

The stress had only made it worse. Redness was easy to cover with muggle make up and even some wizarding tricks you'd learned over the years, but there wasn't a way to smooth your skin, and the acne was textured.

It was depressing. You didn't want to use that word, it felt ungrateful to compare your skin issues to something so severe, but it made you miserable.

You but down on your quivering lip, pushing away from the mirror unhappily and opening the bathroom door, a frown on your face.

"Y/N!" a familiar voice said.

You jumped, startled but unsurprised. Fred had a talent of always knowing where you were. You'd find it creepy if he wasn't so endearing.

"Fred," you said, plastering a smile over your frown. "I was just coming to find you."

"What a coincidence, ma chérie, I was doing the same."

"Well," you began, easily sidling into his space, "you found me."

"Yes, I did," Fred hummed, wrapping his arms behind your neck, grinning.

He took a long look at your face, his forehead creased. "What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong, Fred."

He moved his hands to your shoulders, looking down into your face searchingly. "Have you been crying?" he asked.

You shook your head, lying without thinking. "Something in my eye,"

"Both of them?"

You stepped backwards. He let go of your shoulders accordingly.

"Y/N?"

"It's really nothing," you said through a forced laugh.

He frowned at you for a few seconds more and his face cleared. "Alright," he said slowly, rolling the words in his mouth, "if you say so, doll."

You opened like a blooming flower at the pet name, your whole face softening. You smiled, hoping he understood that the smile meant, oh I just so adore you, Fred Weasley.

He threaded his fingers through yours, dragging you down the corridor beside him and waxing poetic about their newest lot of Peruvian darkness powder as you went.

-

It got so bad you couldn't go to class.

Okay, so you definitely could've gone to class, but the thought of leaving your curtained bed was enough to make you sick with anxiety, so worried that everyone would see you - see your face.

NEWTs were coming fast and hard. Everyone who wanted to be anyone was working hard studying their asses of, on top of Professor Umbridge's million new rules you had to abide by, including her newest life-ruining rule: Boys and girl are not to be within 5 inches of each other.

What a joke. You struggled through classes, wrote essays so long your hand burned at night and now you weren't allowed to sit next to your almost boyfriend at lunch? It was miserable. It was making you miserable, and now you may as well have sharpied on your forehead how equipped your body was to deal with it.

Fucking badly.

You groaned to yourself, rolling on your side to face the wall. You were at your wits end. It felt endlessly unfair that the thing that was stressing you out most was getting worse from stress.

Your stomach growled hungrily.

You threw your arm over your eyes in defeat, eyes finally filling with tears. You felt so hopeless. There was nothing to be done except keep up your routine until the flare up was over, or until your mothers next 'miracle cure' popped into existence.

The tears felt too hot against your sore skin. You couldn't help but sob quietly to yourself in self-pity.

A knock sounded at the door. You gasped, wiping the tears away in panic.

"Y/N?" It was Alicia. "Are you alright? Can I come in?"

"Yes," you managed. "Yes, of course. It's your room too, after all."

The door clicked open. Alicia appeared, tanned skin completely clear and glowing, though each perfect feature was marred with empathy. "Fred's been begging every girl in the common room to come fetch you, but I told him to leave you be."

"Thank you," you said.

You cleared your throat. Alicia moved her weight from foot to foot, twisting her hands.

"I- Y/N. I won't pretend to know how it feels, but I promise you, Fred won't care. He's beside himself worrying that you're bedridden and dying or-" she laughed to herself, "or that you're still mad at him for the itching powder. What I mean is... he's a good guy, and you're upset. Maybe you should tell him what's wrong. He won't care."

You sniffed. "I know," you admitted, feeling the weight of her shifting the bed. "I know he's a great guy. I just wouldn't blame him if he, if he didn't like me anymore. If he found it ugly. I would understand it, and I think that makes it worse," you choked on your words, heat building behind your eyes.

"Oh, Y/N," Alicia said, placing a tentative but comforting hand on your shoulder.

You lay in quiet, listening to your own ragged breathing.

"I'll go talk to him," Alicia said.

"No! I mean, no. Thank you, but no. I... I'll speak to him myself."

Alicia nodded, rubbing your arm kindly.

The sound of the door clicking shut behind her finally spurred you into sitting up. You dressed in a hurry, chucking a wool jumper over last nights pyjamas.

He wouldn't care, would he? You cringed. Yes, he definitely would. Whatever was between you would stop. He'd have the grace to let you down slowly, drawing away his affections. He was a polite guy, he'd probably even say the whole spiel of "it's not you, it's me". But he would, eventually.

Well, you figured. Let it be quick. Like ripping off a bandaid.

You tread lightly down the steps, hoping to see him before he saw you.

Of course, when the slightest groan on the bottom step sounded, his lovely face whipped to meet yours. He smiled in relief, but it was mixed with something else. Disgust, your brain supplied nastily. He was disgusted. He rose to his feet, smiling smiling smiling. But something in his eyes was different, now.

"Y/N," he said.

"Hi," you said.

"Hi yourself, beautiful. Where've you been all day?"

"I'm... sick. Bad cold," you settled on.

He raised an eyebrow. "You sound okay," he said, not unkindly.

"I..." you looked down at your hands.

A siren was sounding in your head. You didn't think Fred had seen you without make up for the last 3 years. Fight or flight was leaning heavily towards flight.

"Well, are you hungry?"

You shook your head.

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten all day. You need something in your system if you're gonna fight this cold."

"I'm not actually sick, Fred," you admitted under your breath.

"I know."

You looked up. He was still smiling kindly. It was infuriating.

"Look," you said finally, rushed and all at once, "if you don't want to- if you're grossed out. Then it's fine, I'll understand if you don't want to see me anymore."

Fred was stricken.

"I know it's - ugly."

"Ugly? Nothing about you is ugly."

"Fred, my face-"

"No, listen to me, Y/N. It's not ugly. It's not gross. You're not any of those things, are you kidding?" he said, grabbing your hands. "You're beautiful. All the time, in the morning, afternoon and night. You're beautiful in charms and transfiguration and care of magical creatures. You were beautiful yesterday and you're beautiful today and you'll be even more so tomorrow." He stopped suddenly, looking down at your joined hands. His cheeks had turned bright red.

"Smooth, Freddie," came George's voice, from the sofa behind them.

"Shove OFF," exclaimed Fred, growing more red by the second. Heat filled your own cheeks.

"It's skin, Y/N. That's all it is."

"Okay," you said tightly, trying not to cry.

Fred breathed out, his hair shifting in response. His corded arms pulled you tight to his chest. You breathed him in. He smelled sweet and rough, like burning caramel.

He thought you were beautiful.

You smiled into his shirt.

<3<3<3

tag list: @msmimimerton

if you’d like to be added to a tag list, please ask ! for in general or for specific characters, i don’t mind

[the-iceni-bitch]

The Days and Nights are Long

Pairing: clueless!Colin Shea x clueless!fem Reader

Words: ~4K

Summary: You and Colin are being idiots and it’s driving his band crazy.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (m receiving oral sex, unprotected vaginal sex, multiple orgasms, squirting), idiots in love, SMUT!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

A/N: It took way longer than I had planned but here’s some more of our drunk, musical idiots in love for you hoes!!! I love them so, even though they’re morons. Tagging my Colin babes @starlightcrystalline and @wayward-blonde because I know they’ve been waiting for this.

I no longer do taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

Colin shook his head and shrugged uncomfortably as he stared at his phone, wracking his brain to think of what exactly he should say to you.

“For fuck’s sake, Shea, just ask her to come up.” Matt looked exasperated, twirling his stick through his fingers as he rolled his eyes when Colin scowled at him.

He’d been moping for the past two weeks, ever since the two of you had slept together. All of his bandmates were getting sick of it, the man was the biggest pouty baby on the face of the planet. If they had to listen to him sing Everybody Hurts one more time they were going to kill him.

So they’d come up with a little plan to get him out of his funk, lining up a gig that would really lend itself better to a female vocalist and feigning innocence when Colin pointed that out. They had really enjoyed hanging out with you on that exceptionally hot evening, and if having you join them again was the only way to get their boy out of his funk, even better. He had actually smiled before pulling his phone out, but then he realized he had no idea what he should say.

The two of you had still been cordial whenever you ran into each other, but there was definitely a strain to your interactions now. No matter how much you both told each other it wasn’t awkward, it was definitely awkward. It was also weird that he was pretty sure you hadn’t come home after 1 AM at all in the last two weeks, and you usually at least spent your weekend nights at some other asshole’s apartment. Not that he’d had any visitors either, but he didn’t want to explore that too much.

He was still staring at his phone screen and trying to come up when some nonchalant greeting that would entice you to come sing with them when the phone was suddenly plucked out of his hand by an exasperated looking Keith, who ignored his spluttering as he typed a quick message before tossing the phone back to him.

“You’re thinking about this too hard.” The bassist said, setting to tuning his instrument and chuckling at the indignant look on Colin’s face.

Colin was about to give a snarky reply when he felt his phone buzz and looked down to see a text from you, grinning when he saw you saying you’d be right up. With an exclamation point! He didn’t even notice the pleased grins his bandmates were giving each other as they watched him start to tune his guitar, plucking a happy little tune and humming to himself.

They were all expecting you to come through the main door from the stairs, so when you shouted hello from behind them after climbing up your fire escape, you were greeted with the sight of five grown men almost jumping out of their skins before turning to greet you.

That grin on your face was enough to make Colin melt, all the awkwardness that had been lingering between you disappearing in an instant when you met each other’s eyes.

“Alright boys!” You took the mic Brad handed you with a warm smile, rolling it in one hand as you trailed the cord through your fingers. “You said you needed my help with something Col, what’s up?”

“Right, these idiots lined up a gig for us without consulting me first.” They all avoided his halfhearted glare with doe eyed innocence, focusing on their instruments. “And, well, the set list isn’t really in my range.”

“Lemme see.” You took the sheet of paper from his hand and scanned it quickly. “That’s a whole lot of girl rock.”

“Yeah, like I said, Ann Wilson and I aren’t really in the same register.” Fuck, it was nice to be able to talk to you again.

“Why don’t you just modulate it, then?” You mumbled absentmindedly.

He gaped like a fish at that question. He honestly hadn’t even thought about it, and even if he had, he wasn’t expecting you to know about modulation.

“If we modulate for him, none of us can hit the harmonies.” Craig piped up from behind the keyboards, and he could have kissed him.

“That right?” You teased, shooting a wicked smirk around at them. “You boys sure you didn’t just miss me?”

Colin tried not to sound too hysterical when he let out a laugh, missing the indulgent eye rolls his band mates were giving behind your backs.

“What do you think, we booked a gig where I can’t sing any of the songs on purpose just so we could hang out again?” Good thing he was pretty, the man was clueless.

“No, you’re not that clever, Col.” He made a mock wounded gesture and you grinned at him, looking over the set list some more. “What kind of gig is this anyway?”

“Yeah, Craig, you never told us what the actual gig was.” Colin and the rest of the band gave the keyboardist a variety of inquisitive stares.

“Uh, it’s a bachelorette party.” He mumbled, avoiding making eye contact with his bandmates when they started groaning.

“Fuck, Craig! I do not want to get felt up by a bunch of drunk, horny women!” Colin threw a balled up sheet of music at you when you started laughing.

“That seems right up your alley, Shea.” You teased, dodging when he threw a pillow from the couch at you. “You don’t want to pick up some rowdy bridesmaid?”

“No, they’re scary aggressive.” He shuddered when he thought about the last bachelorette party they had done, they’d practically ripped the band’s clothes off before they could get out of there.

“Aww, well I’ll be there to shield you this time, sweetie.” You winked at him and moved a little closer to everyone. “Let’s practice, boys. Don’t want to give those girls cause to complain.”

---------------------------------------------------------

It was the day of the gig, and you and Colin had decided to drive together to streamline things. He was waiting in your living room and tapping his foot nervously as he waited for you to finish getting ready, anxious about what actually performing with you would be like.

“Y/N, we need to go!” He never thought you would be the type to take forever getting ready.

“Yeah, I know!” You strolled out to the living room with a grin on your face and he had to swallow a groan. “How do I look?”

“Good, really good.” The way he was looking at you made your grin grow even wider.

The outfit wasn’t even that special, just a denim mini skirt and a tight v-neck tee with a leather jacket. Oh, and thigh high leather boots. It was definitely the boots he was staring at, his eyes trained on the few inches of bare skin between the top of the boots and the hem of your skirt. You gave him a couple minutes to just stare at you before rolling your eyes and strolling towards your front door, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him after you.

“C’mon Shea, we don’t wanna be late.” You scolded, shoving his amp into his hand and slinging his guitar case over your shoulder before heading down the stairs.

He had trouble focusing on the road as he drove you to the bar the party was going to be at, all he wanted to do was memorize the way you looked in that outfit. It was like someone told you exactly what to wear to drive him crazy. Maybe bringing you into this gig hadn’t been the best idea, because all he wanted to do right now was pull over and let you ride him while you weren’t wearing anything except for those boots and that jacket, and maybe whatever lingerie you had on under that outfit.

“Colin, you’re going to miss the turn.” Your voice snapped him out of his little daydream, and he cursed as he took the turn towards the bar a little faster than he would have liked.

“Sorry, just got a little distracted.” He mumbled, slowing down as he turned into the alley behind the bar and put the car in park behind Matt’s van.

The rest of the band was already unloading, waving at you two as Colin shut off his vehicle and you stepped out. You actually gave Craig and Keith little side hugs before you started helping with the unloading, he hadn’t realized you guys had gotten that close over the past week, and for some reason it made him smile.

“How’s it going man?” He didn’t know how he felt about the look Matt was giving him as he helped carry the bass drum inside, it felt suggestive of something. “Y/N seems excited to be here.”

“Yeah, I thought she might be nervous about performing but she’s handling everything like a pro.” He watched you laugh at something Brad said as you worked on connecting your mic. “Maybe we should make her an official member.”

“Whatever you say, man.” Matt just shrugged, laughing when Colin rounded on him and started spluttering.

“I was joking! We can’t just ask Y/N to be in the band!” Could they? Having you around had been a lot of fun, and the band dynamic had helped alleviate some of the tension that had been growing between you two. But seeing you tonight looking like you did and knowing that you were gonna have to have some on stage chemistry to make this work was making him think twice about things. You got a little intense during rehearsals, and the added pressure of being on stage might make him combust if you kicked it up at all.

Matt shook his head at him and set to assembling his kit while the rest of the band started tuning and connecting their instruments. You just sat on a stool and sipped some water, running through a couple vocal exercises absentmindedly as you scrolled through your phone. It only took a couple of minutes for everyone to finish setting up and then it was mic checks all around.

Everything sounded good and balanced after a couple adjustments and the sound guys gave you the thumbs up to start warming up. Colin couldn’t stop watching you. You were so unbelievably relaxed on stage and it was just endearing you to him even more. He thought for sure you would have been a bundle of nerves but you seemed to be right in your element, tossing him a couple of lazy grins over your shoulder as you ran through a couple of songs before the partygoers started filtering in.

The band switched to doing some instrumental ambience shit while they waited for the party to really get going, and Colin wandered over to talk to you when you took a step back from your mic.

“Still feeling ok about this?” He asked, beaming back at the soft smile you gave him.

“Yeah, I’m excited.” You bounced on your toes a little, adrenaline flooding your veins as the crowd grew. “Think I’ll get any bras thrown at me?”

“You never know with bachelorettes.” He laughed, strolling back over to his own mic so he could introduce the band.

If he thought jamming with you was special, it was nothing compared to watching you perform. You were a goddamn natural, coming alive and feeding off the crowd’s energy until you were completely lost in the music. Every time his eyes met yours you were grinning at him, and your chemistry with the rest of the band was palpable.

Not to mention, you kept drifting close to him on the stage, brushing your hand over his shoulders or leaning against him when you harmonized and it was making his knees weak. , God, he could do this with you every night, even though he was pretty sure he was going to need to sneak into the bathroom to jerk off afterwards.

The show was over too soon, the extremely drunken crowd of rowdy bachelorettes finally getting crazy enough that the band was ready to make a hasty escape. You were bouncing on your toes with residual energy as you started helping the guys pack up their instruments, grabbing Colin’s amp after he shoved his guitar in the case and you both made a run for it to his car when a wobbly woman started to try to climb on the stage.

“Colin, holy fuck that was so much fun!” You managed to make it to the alley unscathed and were giving him the most heartbreaking grin. “We’re definitely doing this again.”

“Yeah? Well you did a great fucking job.” Goddamn it, he’d missed you. “We can do whatever you want, honey.”

“Really?” You slammed the trunk closed and started to prowl closer to him. “Whatever I want?”

“That is what I said.” He could feel his voice dropping into that low register that meant he was in desperate need of some sort of release, so he really hoped he wasn’t misreading this situation. “Why? Did you want something now?”

“I think I do.” Your chest was right against his and you could feel it heaving, gazing at him through your lashes while you ran your fingers over his abs. “I stole the keys to the van.”

“And, you wanna go on a joy ride?” He breathed deep when you brushed your lips over his, winding an arm around your waist and pulling you close.

“Or, we could just fuck in the back while the rest of the guys search for these.” You pulled back a little and jingled the keys in his face, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth while he ran his hands over your hips.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” He smashed his lips to yours and let out a low moan, his fingers digging into your ass while the two of you stumbled towards the side door of the van.

You fumbled with the keys for a minute because you didn’t want to take your mouth off Colin for any reason, but then you were sliding the door open and the two of you were falling inside in a tangle of limbs before somehow managing to kick the door closed behind you. Trying to undress each other was a little difficult with how wrapped up you were in each other but you managed, tossing your garments away haphazardly as your tongues curled tangled together. Colin grabbed your hands when you went to remove your boots, pulling them up to his face and kissing your palms before winding your arms around his neck.

“Keep those on.” His voice was a low growl and fuck, you forgot how sexy he was.

“Well, cannot say I’m surprised you're a little kinky, Col.” You wound your fingers through his hair and yanked, purring at the groan he gave you. “I’m gonna suck that pretty dick of yours, but then I’ll give it to you nice and rough.”

“God, baby.” He wished he didn’t sound so whiny when you started kissing your way down his chest, but he hadn’t gotten any release except from his hand for the past two weeks and he really needed you to keep doing what you were doing. “I’ll take whatever you give me.”

“Yeah? Knew you were a good boy.” You winked at him when you started kissing the skin above the band of his boxer briefs before you were yanking them down his thighs and immediately licking a heavy stripe up the underside of his cock when it sprung up against his abs.

Colin had to brace a hand against the side of the van when you worked him over, spitting on his tip and watching it drip down his length before spreading it over him with your lips. You wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave him a nice, smooth stroke as you ducked down between his length to press gentle kisses over his balls while you jerked him off. He almost choked on his tongue when you wrapped your lips around his sack and tugged softly, the hum you let out sending a vibration up his spine while your thumb swiped over his swollen tip.

The sounds he was making from just a handjob were enough to soak through the thin lace of your panties, and when he shouted your name when you moved a little lower and teased your tongue over his asshole, well you almost fucking came just from that. You couldn’t believe you had stupidly waited two fucking weeks before indulging in this man again, you finally felt like yourself again. It was driving you absolutely crazy, the way his hips were wriggling underneath you spurring you on until you couldn’t take it any more.

If he thought your hand was incredible, it was nothing compared to the feel of your lips wrapped around his tip while your tongue swirled around his sensitive head. With all the women he’d slept with, he’d definitely suffered through some mediocre and downright disappointing blow jobs. But you felt like you were about to suck the soul out of him, and you’d only just started.

“Ah, Christ.” He was going to pass out if you kept going like this, your mouth was like fucking heaven. “Honey, fuck.”

You shot him a wicked look when you started bobbing your head, taking him just a little deeper each time while your tongue curled around him as much as possible. Then you opened your throat and swallowed him whole and he lost his mind.

He wrapped his hand in your hair and held your head still as he started fucking your throat, his hips bucking wildly while you choked and sputtered around him. Drool was running down your chin and soaking his thighs as you started breathing through your nose, digging your fingers into his thighs while he used you like a fuck toy. You kept your tongue pressed flat against your bottom teeth to avoid choking on it, moaning softly when you tasted the salty tang of his precum hit your tongue. His grip on your hair was growing painful, and you could tell by the way his abs were twitching that he was close.

“Wait, ah shit!” He somehow managed to gather enough self control to pull out of your mouth, groaning at the long string of saliva that kept you connected even as you bit at your swollen lips. “I’m not coming unless it’s in that pretty pussy. How do you want it?”

“Fuck me from behind, Col.”

He growled as he sat up and smashed his lips to yours, savoring the taste of himself on your tongue before flipping your over and burying his face in your hair. You let out a low moan when he slammed into you with no warning, gasping at the punishing pace he was setting and purring when he started mouthing at your neck.

The van was shaking like some sort of cliche while Colin fucked into you with abandon, his hips bouncing off your ass in an obscene display while the two of you whined and panted together. Colin was going to lose his fucking mind, two weeks with barely even talking to you and now he was finally inside you it was all he could do to not go completely feral.

“Oh god, honey.” He was practically whining against your skin when you clenched around him, sucking your ear lobe between his lips while you arched your back and purred for him. “Fuck, you’re so tight and wet. Pussy so fucking good. Tell me you’re close, I need to feel you come.”

“So close, Colin, shit!” You gasped when he hit you deep, curling your body backwards around him and reaching over your shoulder to wind your fingers through his hair and press his lips to yours. “Need that dick so bad. Feel so good when you’re inside me.”

“I know, baby, I know.” He wound one hand around your neck and the other arm around your waist, holding you close while he kissed you deeply and swallowed your wanton mewls with a deep groan. “Come for me.”

His hips ground against you and you slapped the floor of the van when you came, sobbing into his mouth and vibrating underneath him while your pussy strangled his cock. Your teeth nipped at his lips once you were finished, humming happily as he continued fucking you through your high.

“Need more, Colin.” You whimpered when he started slowing down, trying to thrust your hips back towards him as you tried to bring yourself to the edge again. “Harder, I need it.”

“Fuck, I’ll give you whatever you fucking want.” He tugged at your lips with his teeth, squeezing your neck gently and groaning at your soft whimper as you clenched around him. “Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good.”

You couldn’t respond when he started pounding into you furiously, the way his cock was punching against your soft walls making it a little hard to breathe, never mind thinking. He was hitting every spot you needed him to with each thrust, grunting into your ear each time his hips slammed into you until he felt your breath hitch.

Every time he bottomed out you thought you were going to pass out, the tip of his cock punching against your cervix and making you see stars. It was so good, he was hitting you so deep and smooth you couldn’t believe you’d been denying yourself for so long.

Colin growled when a particularly vicious push had your entire body rising off the floor of the van, your fluttering sigh sending a shiver of pleasure through his body. One more thrust and you lost it, screaming with ecstasy as every muscle in your body vibrated and you squirted all over Colin’s thighs and the floor.

“Fuck, fuck, baby.” Colin was desperate, his rhythm completely gone as he chased his own end while you fluttered around him. “Gonna fill this pretty little pussy up until I’m leaking outta you for the next week.”

“Oh god, please.” Your eyes rolled up in your head while you let him use you, his lips tracing your jaw hungrily as you pushed your hips back to meet his. “Give it to me, Colin.”

He buried his face in your neck and let out a strangled cry when his hips stuttered, thick, warm ropes of white shooting against your soft walls until he was collapsing on top of you with a sated moan. You tangled your fingers with his above your head as your breathing regulated, his breath hot on your neck while the two of you melted into each other.

“We’re not waiting two weeks again, right?” Colin’s arms wrapped around you as he nuzzled into your hair, his lips spreading in a slow smile when he felt you purr contentedly.

“Nope. I’m definitely gonna need this to happen on the regular.” You turned a little so you could rub your nose against his. “You know, in between our other, normal escapades.”

“Right.” His heart fell a little at that, but maybe just interspersing his trysts with you with his other one night stands would help flush his crush on you out of his system.

Before he had a chance to say anything else there was a sudden pounding at the van door, snapping the two of you out of your haze with a pair of exasperated groans.

“Shea!!!” You untangled yourselves as you started to pull on your clothes. “That had better be Y/N in there! If you sad fucked some bachelorette and we have to listen to you sing stupid breakup songs for the next month I’m going to kill you!”

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Day 125.3 Accidental Bonding (Part 3)

You can start at Part One, if you'd like.)

"Piss off, Malfoy," Jenkins snarled from across the room at the end of the training exercise, drawing Harry's attention from the conversation he was having with Ron. "You are such an arsehole. You think you're so clever, so much better than us," he shoved Malfoy's shoulders, "but you're just a slimy Dark Lord worshiper-"

"Oy!" Harry shouted, darting forward and physically putting his body between Jenkins and Malfoy, "Don't talk to him like that."

"I'll talk to that fu-"

"You need to back down," Harry growled, his body thrumming with energy, fingers tingling with the urge to punch Jenkins in the face, his magic racing hot and bright under his skin.

Malfoy put a hand on Harry's shoulder, "Don't," he said. "He's not worth it."

He glared at the other man for a moment before taking a step toward the locker room.

"Oh, I get it," Jenkins sneered, "some people are so possessive of their pets. He's letting you fuck him now, so-"

Harry spun around so fast that Jenkins didn't have a moment to see what was about to happen as Harry's fist connected with his jaw. "Watch your mouth," he growled, low in his throat. "We aren't sleeping together but even if we were that wouldn't change the fact that he is twice the auror you will ever be." He took another step closer, "He's smarter, faster, and has better instincts. And everyone knows that your pathetic attempts to belittle him are out of jealousy. So you can fuck off before you make an even bigger arse of yourself."

"Alright," Ron said, holding out his hands between them. "That's enough."

Jenkins spat blood at Harry's feet but had the good sense not to say anything more as he left and slammed the door behind him.

Harry turned to see Malfoy storming away from him. "Malfoy," he shouted but the other man threw him a two fingered salute and stalked off.

"What the hell?" Harry grumbled.

(Read more below the cut)

Ron shrugged, "Beats me, mate." He slapped him on the shoulder, "but I wouldn't want to be going home with him. He looked pissed."

-------------

Regrettably Ron was right, Malfoy was pissed. Harry couldn't understand it and the other man wouldn't say a word to him about it.

They went home and Malfoy shut himself in the bedroom without a word, leaving Harry standing completely confused in the living room. "What the hell?" he repeated.

Hands on his hips, he stared off after the other man and replayed what he'd said to Jenkins for the fiftieth time, trying to figure out what had made Malfoy so mad.

Giving up on trying to puzzle it out seemed like the only course of action so he headed into the kitchen and started dinner. In the past week and a half, Draco had cooked, they'd cooked together, or ordered take out. Harry hadn't cooked anything on his own since he's arrived and honestly, he was glad for the chance to cooking now.

He chopped up an onion, diced a carrot, chopped up a stalk of celery, and minced several cloves of garlic. Then he turned to the stove and heated a frying pan, pouring in some olive oil before tossing in the veggies and letting them cook down while he chopped up lettuce for a salad.

After about ten minutes, he added the ground beef, salt, and pepper into the frying pan and uncorked a bottle of Merlot, pouring himself a generous glass and dumping a few ounces in with the beef and veg.

He cast a simple spell to keep the spoon stirring while the beef browned and he turned to cut up tomatoes and onions for the salad and made a simple vinaigrette. When the beef was brown and fragrant, he added in tomato paste, diced tomatoes, basil, oregano, and a dash of nutmeg before stirring it all together.

With a pleased hum, he put the lid on the pot and cast a spell that would condense the simmering time to about thirty minutes instead of three hours.

While the sauce cooked down he baked brownies, tossed the salad, and prepped the water and spaghetti. Boiling the spaghetti, cutting the brownies, and plating everything was easy after that. Harry topped the bowls of bolongese with freshly grated Parmesan and basil.

Then, after a moment of debate, he decided to bring dinner to Malfoy instead of the other way around and laid out their salads, bowls of bolognese, glasses of wine, and brownies onto a tray. He levitated it down the hall and knocked on the door.

"Come in," Malfoy called, sounding bored and detached and Harry had to take a steadying breath to tamp down the irritation that tone of voice invoked before opening the door.

"Made dinner," he said casually.

Malfoy turned his head from where he was laying on the bed, idly catching a snitch and releasing it. He sat up, his blonde hair trailing behind him, "It smells good."

"You don't need to sound surprised," Harry teased.

Malfoy opened his mouth to protest but Harry continued as he set the tray in the middle of the bed.

"I'm just kidding," he assured quickly.

"Do you really think that it's wise to consume red wine and pasta on a white bed?" Malfoy asked, one eyebrow arched at him as he climbed onto the bed across the tray from Malfoy.

"It'll be fine," Harry assured as he picked up his salad bowl and speared a tomato. "We're wizards, we'll magic it away if we must."

Malfoy hummed but picked up his own salad. "Thank you."

He shrugged a shoulder, "No problem. I like to cook, actually."

"Do you?" Malfoy asked curiously.

Harry nodded, "Yeah. Once we left Hogwarts and I was living on my own, I was eating out all the time and it wasn't doing me any favors. So I learned how to make some simple things that taste good." He tilted his head, "What about you? You're not a bad cook."

His cheeks turned a light pink and he cleared his throat, "That's Granger's doing actually."

"Sorry?"

He sighed, "She made a really good case about house elves. I didn't want to be who my parents wanted me to be so when I moved out and joined the aurors, I basically shunned anything that whiffs of pureblood bullshit. It has no place here," he said gesturing to his home with his fork.

Harry blinked, "That's amazing."

"Shut up."

"No, I'm serious," Harry said. "You're amazing and I had no idea."

"Stop," Malfoy said. "Please, it's not-"

"Is that what earlier was about?"

Malfoy stilled, "Excuse me?"

"Is that why you were upset?" he asked. "You thought that I was taking the piss?"

"I thought that you have an insufferable hero complex that makes me want to vomit," he growled.

"You're a hedgehog," Harry said, finally understanding.

Malfoy froze, "Who told you that?"

"Told me what?" Harry asked.

"That my patronus is a hedgehog," he said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Harry laughed and Malfoy flushed cherry red, his eyes narrowed. "No, sorry," Harry said holding out a hand, "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because I had no idea, honestly!"

"Then what made you say it?" he asked suspiciously.

"Just," he paused and took a bite of bolognese as he searched for the right words, "When you start to feel vulnerable or like someone is going to hurt you, you curl into this defensive ball that will stab at someone no matter what they say or do."

"I-"

"You are genuinely one of the best aurors in our class," Harry said earnestly, steering the conversation to something more tangible that they were less like to fight over. "I was serious."

Malfoy rolled his eyes, "You're just saying that because the bond-"

He shook his head, "I've always thought that," he protested. "It's annoying as fuck because it always seems like everything comes so easily to you. I used to complain about it to Ron all the time."

"Says you," Malfoy protested. "You're always doing everything right; throwing yourself into danger to protect people." He shook his head, "By all accounts, what you do shouldn't work but it does. You're a good auror, Potter."

Harry swallowed, "Thanks, Malfoy. That means a lot coming from you."

"Yes, well," he said as he took a sip of wine, "Don't let it go to your head."

Harry chuckled and they took a few bites in companionable silence before Draco started to talk again.

"You didn't have to come to my rescue with Jenkins, you know."

He waved the thought away, "He's an arse. We've had it out before."

"I'm just saying," he argued, "I was fine. Honestly what he was saying wasn't even that bad."

"Not that bad?!" Harry yelped. "He-"

Malfoy shook his head, "It's the bond, Potter, don't you see that? Jenkins has said a lot worse, other trainees have said a lot worse, and you've never felt the need to jump in and defend my honor before."

Harry frowned.

"You're being swayed by what the bond wants you to feel about me."

"I'm not sure you're right," he said. "Because you shouldn't be treated like that at work. No one should be treated like that."

"Be that as it may-"

"I'm just saying, even if the bond brought it to my attention, I would have done that for anyone. If he'd been saying shite like that to Ron, I would have decked him, too."

Malfoy looked like he was going to argue with him, before visibly changing his mind, "You do have a wand, you know. There's no need to resort to brute force."

Harry shrugged, "But there's just something so satisfying about punching someone."

A laughed forced it's way up Malfoy's throat and Harry grinned at him. Shaking his head, Malfoy replied, "You're ridiculous. And this is good, by the way," he added, pointing to his pasta with his fork.

"Good," Harry said with a pleased little smile.

The conversation turned lighter as they bickered about the training exercises and the best approach, but the bickering held none of the animosity it had a week and a half before.

And Harry couldn't help but wonder how much of this was the bond's doing and how much was simply him.

-----------------

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

[elius-learns-to-write]

Class Drama and Anger Issues

Hey besties this will contain swearing, violence, catcalling/ sexual harassment, blood and just horrible behaviour so please take care reading this, love you all <3

You had always been very protective of your friends

It wasn’t like you didn’t think they could stand up for themselves

You understood that 100%

However whenever anyone insulted them or talked bad about them you were the first person to throw hands

You were sure that your jaw had locked from how long you had been tensing it. You see, being sat at the back of the classroom was great, you could see everyone and hear everyone. Which means that whenever someone decided to bitch and moan about the people in the little group you had managed to join, that you would be the first person to hear it. Like right now for example, Liz and Peter had broken up a few days ago and she didn’t take it so well and had taken up talking about him behind his back. Which had led us to this: you at the back of the room, fists and jaw clenched in an effort to not walk over to her and her little friends and wipe that smug look right off her face. “And he isn’t even that smart, God knows how he got into Stark industries” nope that was it, that was the last straw. You pushed the stupid science lab chair back so hard it fell to the ground, heads turned to you as you stormed over to where Liz and her group where currently at which just happened to be at the front of the classroom. God, were you lucky that the teacher had left to go grab some more textbooks from some cupboard down the hall, otherwise you would have been dead when you said “Listen Liz. Peter is an amazing and smart boy who cares more for others than he does himself. He works harder than anyone else I know and he still manages to make sure others are okay. He is twice the person you will ever be and if you don't shut up in the next 2 minutes you won’t have to worry about being bitter over a breakup, you’ll be too worried about getting a set of new teeth”. If this was a cartoon steam would be pouring from your ears and your face would be blood red, which wasn’t too far from what you looked like now. Peter had taken a sick day and thank god he had, otherwise he would have killed you for even saying anything, however Ned was still here and he was waiting to see how far you would go before having to step in and calm you down. “Oh how sweet L/n, you think you’re all strong and scary” her and her friends' sickly sweet laughs echoed in your ears as you clenched your fists even harder. “Y/n come on Peter wouldn’t want this” ned tried to reason and even in your rage filled stupor you realised he was right and took a breath to try and calm yourself down “say anything again and you’ll see just how strong and scary I can be” you spat, stroming away, grabbing your bag and walking out of the room just in time for your teacher to walk back in, “where’s L/n?” he asked. 

Okay maybe you did tend to overreact 

You just really cared about your friends

They were there when you needed them and you wanted to do the same 

You couldn’t help it that you got angry when people decided to talk about them 

In some situations though it was acceptable to get angry

You, Mj and Betty had been coming back from the Cinema late one night after deciding that you deserved to spend some time together after exam week to treat yourselves. Unfortunately walking through the streets at 10pm meant getting some very unwanted attention from older men. “Hey mama looking good” one man slurred as you walked past him grabbing the girls hands a little tighter in an attempt to ground yourself and reassure them that you would keep them save, “hey don’t be like that, we just want to talk” another man added, honestly what was it with them? Couldn’t they see you obviously didn’t want to “talk” to them. You hadn’t even realised your feet had stopped moving until Betty gently placed her hand on your shoulder and whispered “It’s fine just let it go” and tried to give you a nudge in the direction you had originally been going. “Hey! Don’t just ignore us! We know you want some attention” you didn’t know who had said it and at this point you didn’t care, worrying more about teaching them a thing called respect than about who voiced their unwanted thoughts. Letting go of your friends hands, turning around slowly and walking towards the men with a smile on your face so sweet it was almost scary. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that women aren’t your submissive little toys?” you sung punctuating your sentence with a kick to one guy's nuts and a punch to the other's nose. “Because someone really should” and as the men were recovering from your atack you stalked away along the dimly lit street and continuing your journey to Mj’s house.

Okay so we have clearly established your hatred towards people who disrespect your friends 

The Avengers new about your strong feelings and respected the fire that you had 

Of course they did have Bruce try and teach you some breathing exercises 

Spoiler alert they didn’t help very much 

So when Bucky got a call from your school telling him that he would have to pick you up as you were suspended for a week

He couldn’t say he was surprised

“I’m going to pick Y/n up from school, be back in a bit” Bucky called to the rest of the team who had been watching some sort of reality show on the new Tv Tony had no reason to buy but did, “why? What happened?” Steve replied, a look of concern on his face “They got into a fight and so they are suspended for a week” the supersoldier sighed, grabbing the car keys and whispering “what did you do this time Y/n” to himself.

I’ll tell you what happened

You had been on your way to English when you had seen Flash taunting Mj, waving her book above his head and laughing hysterically about something. Instantly you dropped your bag to the floor and stormed over to them “Hey Flash, what are you doing there buddy?” you shouted loud enough to seem intimidating but not loud enough to capture the attention of the teachers and students who were already in class. “None of your business Y/n, move along” he spat back, if looks could kill he would be six feet under and halfway to hell as you ripped the book from his grasp and slammed him into the lockers “really? Because to me it looks like you’re being rude to my good friend Mj and I don’t take that very lightly”. Gripping him by the collar and pushing him even further into the lockers that he was sure his body had made a dent in the metal, however flash was never one to give up like the shaking leaf of a man he was. Pushing you hands off and shoving you by your shoulders he said “aww look Mj your angry little guard dog has come to your rescue again. How sweet” if there was one thing you hated more than stupid boys and disrespect it was being called a dog. You weren’t gonna let him call you that. Quicker than he could say “Don’t hit me” your fist came flying straight into the boy's noise, a satisfying crunch being made upon impact. Now throughout all of this no one had heard the commotion and they wouldn’t have if Flash didn’t scream out in pain and then faint at the sight of his own blood.

That’s how you ended up getting suspended 

It was what you had told your dad when he picked you up because you had no reason to lie

No matter how proud of you he was he still gave you a talking to 

You both had a long talk about how best to go about controlling your anger and instead of going back to Bruce you decided to take a few anger management classes

And so far it’s going great

(Until flash decides to open his mouth again)

[dreamsoflevi]

Love Was Not Enough | Part 1

Summary: A titan shifter is working in the Scout Regiment with a plan. Growing up with hate for Paradis takes a complete turn when falling for a certain Captain and developing friendships. Is it too late to make a change?

Word Count: 4.2k

CW: Some fluff, angst, mentions of violence, description of an emotional breakdown, stress.

Author’s Note: My first post on Tumblr! I’m so slow when it comes to using Tumblr lol. Starting off with an angsty story because it's raining and gloomy. It was supposed to be an one-shot but it ended up being super long. There will be 1-2 more parts. Hope you enjoy! ♡

You loved him.

You really did.

You still do.

When you first met him, you were surprised this was the person everyone was referring to when they would mention Humanity's strongest soldier, Captain Levi. His aloof and brash attitude would prove those thoughts drilled in your head about the devils in disguise living amongst the lands as you. He didn't care for anything and he wouldn’t hesitate to remind you of that. “You will become titan shit.” His exact words spat to your face. Who does he think he is?

You were exceptional at what you did, full of intellect and skills landed you on his squad along with a group of newer cadets. The 104th cadets. You were all replacements for his previous squad who were killed by the female titan, your comrade Annie during the 57th expedition. You were trained for this after all. You were prepared and you had a plan along with a few others. Secret glances, nods, and meetings were shared amongst you four any chance you could get.

You ended up befriending a few too. A shy yet wise Armin, an extremely passionate Eren, a wild and resourceful Sasha, and some others. A bunch of children putting their lives on the line for a better tomorrow, a hopeful future. Aren’t you doing the same too?

During expeditions, you would watch Captain Levi swinging through trees on his ODM gear, slicing through the napes of every titan he landed his eyes on. Now you understand why he is humanity’s strongest. Slicing through titans without a struggle and with immense strength and speed.

He'd frantically look around making sure the others were okay. He'd shout the names of his squad and any other names he could remember hoping to get a shout in return. The panicked look on this face when he would hear screams and race to the source of them. Maybe he does care. When returning to the walls, you could see him grimace watching the gates open only for it to quickly change back to his normal neutral expression.

-

“L/N!” A voice breaking your thoughts as you walk back inside the headquarters after training. You turn around to see Captain Levi standing behind you with a small stack of papers in his hand.

“Yes, Captain?” You wiped the sweat off your forehead with your sleeve.

“Are you doing anything after this?”

You shook your head. “No, sir. Do you need anything?”

“Yes. Deliver this paperwork to Commander Erwin. He should be in his office now.” He handed you the small stack of papers he was holding.

“Yes, sir.” You nodded your head grabbing the papers and walking in the direction of Commander Erwin’s office.

Approaching his office, you knocked on his door. You heard a deep voice respond and turned the knob to enter. Opening the door, you see the distressed Commander sitting at his desk. One hand resting on his forehead and the other scribbling away. He glances up and sees the stack in your hands.

“Ah, thank you (Y/N), I was waiting for these.” Raising his hand in anticipation of the papers.

You walked up to his desk handing it to him. “No problem, Commander.”

You look around his messy desk. Papers spread all around, empty teacups resting on the side, and two ink bottles sitting on his desk. Your eyes take a peek at his face, dark circles under his eyes, and his hair slightly messed up. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him. No. You try shaking those thoughts away. They are the devils and we are paying for their actions.

But you take another look at him. Imagine being in his position. Are you aware of what your ancestors did, Commander? He’s shuffling through the small stack of papers that were just handed to him. You can see the squares and circles in the form of a large triangle. The formations. The lives and the future of thousands rest upon this single man’s shoulders. Of course, he has to spend hours on end meticulously planning the expeditions and making sure the formations are properly formed. A plan for a better tomorrow, a hopeful future. Don’t you want that too?

You internally sigh in defeat. “Um... Commander?” You nervously play with your fingers.

“Yes, (Y/N)?” He looks up at you, hand still holding the quill and the other now resting on the desk.

“Do.. do you need help? I just finished training and If you need help, I…” You bite your lip, your nerves getting the best of you as his eyes remain in contact with yours.

The curves of his mouth turn upwards. “If you can, please.” He gestures to the seat in front of him.

You flash him a smile, nod your head and take a seat. He hands you a stack of papers. “For these, you just need to write today’s date under the line where it says date received. Then organize them alphabetically.”

That’s where you found yourself at least twice a week. Helping the commander out whenever you could, organizing his paperwork, and filling them out whenever he needed you to. Sometimes you would work in complete silence. The sounds of pens scribbling, paper shuffling, and the sips the Commander took of his tea. Sometimes he would tell you a little story about his life and of his childhood. He would speak of his father being a major inspiration in his life and the reason he pushes forward every day. He had a sudden death, though the Commander never told you why, you can imagine it was a traumatic one for him.

A couple of months pass by and you are now sitting in the Captain's office. Coming into Commander’s office one day and seeing his surprisingly organized desk for once and him telling you that he didn’t need any assistance today. However, Captain Levi might need help with the reports from a previous expedition. Nodding your head and giving a quick salute, you made your way to Captain Levi’s office.

Working with Captain Levi was soothing. His office was very neat. Paperwork in his office sitting on his desk in organized piles. You can smell the faint scent of lemon which was refreshing. You visiting his office became a more frequent occurrence since he appreciated the assistance he would receive though he’d never tell you that. He would have a stack ready for you set up on the side table in his office. He was not much of a talker like Commander Erwin nor was he someone who reminisces his life it seems.

However, you would still have conversations here and there. He would ask about how you were feeling with training and if you dared to complain about the exercises he was giving, he would simply tell you to get better with the exercises or get eaten. Then realizing his bluntness and the silence that filled the room after, he would elaborate on his statement.

What he means is, he would say, these exercises help with increasing stamina and balance that will aid us on the battlefield. Outside the walls, anything can happen. Titans pop out of nowhere catching you off guard and little mishaps like getting tangled, being too slow, or even aiming your anchor wrong can lead to a fatal mistake. You could agree with that.

“(L/n), why did you decide to join the scouts?” He asked without looking up from what he was doing.

You stilled for a second and looked up at him. His eyes were still on the paper in front of him. This question always catches you off guard even if you rehearsed it so many times. It makes you nervous and vulnerable as if the person asking can see right through you and your facade.

“Same reason as everyone else, sir.” He glanced at you now and you immediately looked back down at the paper in front of you. You tried to avoid as much eye contact as you can.

He cocked an eyebrow. “Which is?”

“F-freedom.. from the titans.” You heard a scoff.

“Now you sound like Eren.” He was still looking at you. You dared to meet your eyes with his. He still had a stoic look on his face but there was curiosity simmering in his eyes. He was waiting for an answer. You had no choice but to give one. How would you say it though? You don’t want to lie. Captain Levi can be very perceptive and you’re sure he could see through your facade.

You bit your lip. “I… I want a better future for myself, my loved ones, and future generations. All my life, I’ve experienced confinement and.. oppression. But I have been given the power- er, the opportunity I should say to aid in defeating our e-enemies and... and I hope to accomplish that to live a more liberating life.”

He remained in eye contact with you without saying anything. The silence was deafening in the room and you hoped he would say something. Each second of silence was building the temperature in your body as your nerves were starting to get the best of you. Your chest was burning and you could feel a bit of sweat forming on your scalp. Did you say the wrong thing? Or maybe you said too much? Why isn’t he saying anything?

Your lips parted in anticipation to say something. But what else were you going to say? Before you can process what you are going to say, he hummed and looked back down at his work.

“You are right. We all have the same reason, more or less. To break out of these confined and oppressive walls and defeat these shitty titans. Whatever is out there must be better than what we live in now.”

You internally sighed. It’s not better but hopefully, it will get better. I guess we have the same mission, just different targets. You and everyone else here being mine Captain. You felt your throat dry up. Can you imagine killing these people? Watching Captain struggling on his last breath? Commander Erwin? Hange? Connie, Sasha, Jean, Armin? But your ancestors... Now you are suffering because of these devils.

Shaking your head of these thoughts, you try to focus back on the paper in front of you. “Ar-” You cleared your throat. “Armin believes there’s a sea out there.”

He snorted. “That kid and his shitty dream...” You could see a hint of a smile forming on his face. “Who knows, maybe there is.”

You come to realize that he’s not rude, he just doesn’t know how to express himself. His actions speak louder than words and you can’t help but grow a lot of respect for him. But he’s still a devil. But he has a heart and he cares for every single person in this regiment, including you. It doesn’t matter. They caused your people pain and betrayed them.

-

A perk of being on Captain Levi’s squad is getting to sit on meetings planning the expeditions. Commander Erwin would call these meetings for input on observations made from previous missions. Armin enthusiastically shares what he learns from the missions. Plans are being formed around Eren and his abilities. He’s learning new things about what he can do every day and recently he learned about hardening abilities from Annie. Working with Hange to train how to harden properly to be able to plug walls in the future.

They have no idea though. No idea what is beyond these walls, where these titans come from, where do they go, or anything else. They are risking their lives for the answers, the answers that you already know.

Walking through the dark hallways, you step into the mess hall. There sitting on a table in the dimly lit corner were Reiner and Bertholdt. The ones on the mission with you alongside Annie.

“Where have you been lately?” Reiner asked as you sat down on the bench. You usually had these meetings at least once or twice a week, but since Annie was captured, things have gotten more hectic. In fear of getting caught or being busy with so many tasks, you haven’t had the chance to meet with them as often as you should.

“Sorry.. I’ve just been swamped with training, meetings, and helping the higher-ups with their paperwork.”

Reiner narrows his eyes at you. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with them lately.”

“Yeah but I’ve managed to learn a few things.”

“Like what?”

“Well, Eren is close to figuring out his hardening abilities. Hange had taken the sample from Annie but she didn’t get far with that. Now she and Eren are working together to see how Eren can unlock his own ability.”

Reiner hummed. “If Eren learns how to harden, he could start landing attacks on me. He’d still be no match for Bertholdt though.”

You nodded in response. There was an awkward silence. No one had much to say which was a huge difference from before when you had to plot your next moves and practice your stories together. Usually, Reiner was the one who would come up with the plans and assign tasks to the rest of you three. This was before the fight between Eren and Annie. You didn’t expect Annie to lock herself into the crystal.

You looked at Reiner who seemed to be deep in thought. “What are you thinking?”

He sighed. “I think another attack is coming soon.”

Bertholdt and your eyes widen. “Are you sure? Isn’t it a little too quick, Reiner?” Bertholdt wearily asks. You nod your head in agreement.

“They already have Annie. We need to get Eren and try to get Annie out of there as well.”

“Yes!” Bertholdt interjects. “We do need to save Annie.” Bertholdt always had a soft spot for Annie. You have an inkling he has a crush on her because he gets flustered and avoids the topic every time it’s brought up.

You don’t know if you’re ready for another attack. The last one was devastating. The fight between Eren and Annie destroyed so many homes and lost lives. Children losing their parents, parents losing their children, lovers lost… It is heartbreaking. You don’t know if you can stomach another attack at this point. What are you saying? That is what you’re here for. You need to do this for your people back home. You let out a long exhale and close your eyes.

“It bothers you too, doesn’t it?” You open your eyes to Bertholdt looking at you.

“They are people… just like us.”

You nod your head meekly. “Just like us.” You repeated in a whisper.

Reiner sighs. “And they have no clue what is happening.”

“No clue.” You and Bertholdt breathe simultaneously. You three sit in silence, all three of you lost in your own thoughts. Why did it have to be us?

-

During training you noticed Captain Levi limping a little more than usual. Since the 57th expedition, his leg has been in bad shape. He still supervises your training and some days, he can walk properly and some days he’s limping. You turn back to your task at hand, slicing through the titan dummies set up.

“(Y/n)! Straighten your back!” He yells from the field and you obey, straightening your back while you and Connie swing to the titan dummy.

“Oi Sasha! You have to aim your anchors a bit higher!”

“Mikasa, don't go too fast!”

The comments usually went like that for the entire training session. Watching all of you train and critique your performances. You’re not going to lie, it was a pain in the ass. But you noticed it does help you outside of the walls. Captain Levi is good at what he does. He’s perceptive and knows exactly what to do and when. He is a natural titan killer. Being able to take down small to abnormal and maybe even ones like you. After you were done, you all were panting and sweating while walking back to the field.

“Phew! That was some training today,” Connie wiped the sweat off of his forehead.

Jean clicked his tongue. “That was nothing! Probably too much for you right Yeager?” He smirked at Eren.

Eren rolled his eyes. “You wish, Jean boy. That’s why you’re drenched in sweat.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

You all groaned as Eren and Jean started arguing for the fifth time today. The first two times Armin tried to interject to try and diffuse the argument but at this point, even he gave up.

“You’re on Yeager. After dinner, we’ll have an arm wrestling match.”

“After dinner,” Eren confirmed. “Don’t horse around Kirstein.”

“Shut up titan freak.”

“Are you ladies done bickering?” Captain Levi glared at them with his arms crossed. Eren clicked his tongue and Jean muttered under his breath. Captain narrowed his eyes at them, a warning to fix their attitudes. They immediately straightened their backs.

“Yes sir!” A few of you silently giggled watching them get scolded by Captain Levi.

Watching them with a smile, you loved the banter between Eren and Jean. Despite the arguments, you know deep down they have respect and admiration for one another. It’s distinctly shown during battle when they are looking out for another. Even during Eren’s fits of rage, Jean is understanding and never attacks Eren for his impulsive decisions. He might get a little bit of teasing though.

They were very friendly with you too. Always giving you a pat on the back or a cheesy grin whenever they see you. Looking back at you when riding through the gates to make sure you’re okay or screaming your name to make sure you are fine when fighting titans. And let’s not forget Jean’s flirty nature. His love for Mikasa is strong but he can’t help it when he sees any walking and breathing female. Just kidding. He’s not that girl crazy.. maybe. It’s too soon to decide that.

I think another attack is coming soon. You heard Reiner’s voice suddenly appeared in your mind. You suddenly started feeling a bit nauseous. Another attack on these people. These people you are considering your friends. You felt the salty taste in the back of your throat. Trying to calm your nerves, you took some deep quiet breaths. It wasn’t helping. It was getting harder to swallow with your throat tightening. You silently walked back hoping no one starts a conversation with you. As soon as you get back, you were planning on taking a very, very cold shower.

Grabbing your clothes, you ran into the showers. Breathing hard and with shaking hands, you turned the shower knob. The cold water hitting you and startling you for the first few seconds. You can’t. You can. You can’t. You have to. But these people, you can’t do that to them now. Not when they are just started to grow on you. They were normal people with normal feelings. They’re not… devils? Yes, they are.

You remember the attack in Trost. The chaos that spread through the walls. These same cadets hopelessly try to fight the titans. You were all newly graduated. Thomas getting eaten by a titan. Screams and cries filled your ears along with the sounds of loud thumps and bone-crunching.

When you were discussing things with Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie, poor Marco being in the wrong place at the wrong time. How devastated Jean was losing his best friend and not knowing ultimately it was you three that led to his death. Not only his but everyone else’s. The way Armin looked when Eren sacrificed himself to save him.

Can you do this again?

A sob escaped from your throat. Tears flew down your cheeks getting mixed in with the water. You are no different than them, aren't you? The blood of these innocent lives on your hands. But they were the reason for all this, no? Except they don’t know. Is it justifiable blaming them for something that happened so many years ago? While you are oppressed by the Marleyeans, they are oppressed by these titans. Aren’t you any different from the Marleyans then? Punishing innocent people for things out of their control?

Leaning your head on the tiled wall, you needed to make a decision. Whose side are you on? No, whose side do you want to be on? Do you want to continue the same treatment you received? Do you want to be the reason a child loses their mother? Their father? You need to make a decision and make it quick. You grabbed the soap bar and cleaned yourself off. You will make a decision. You just need time.

After your shower, you remembered you were going to go to Captain Levi’s office to help him with his paperwork. You also remembered how he was limping badly today. Before going into his office, you decided to make a trip to the infirmary.

Asking the nurses for some balm for Captain Levi’s leg, you grabbed a small jar and made your way to his office. What’s the reason for this? Are you trying to relieve some of the guilt eating away at your conscience?

Entering his office, he offered a small greeting before pointing to the paperwork that needed to be done today. Before getting seated at the table, you walked over to his desk and held out the small jar. With an eyebrow raised, he looked at the jar in your hand.

“It’s for your leg. You were limping today and I thought this might help sir.”

He took the jar from your hand. The curves of his mouth turned upward, not enough to call it a smile since he hardly ever did. “Thank you.”

Thank you. You felt your heart flutter. You barely hear words of acknowledgment from him and you can’t help but feel happy that you were on the receiving end of them. So what? Why do you care? Because you do admire him. After all, he was your Captain and you respect him. And he is looking nicer than usual in his black suit and cravat. What? Are you okay? You’re just acknowledging his looks. It means nothing-

Wait, he said thank you. You need to answer him instead of disputing with your own self.

“It’s no problem.” You smiled at him and walked over to your seat and began working.

-

That is how things went for a while. You have been avoiding Reiner and Bertholdt any chance you can get because you were unsure of how to explain the inner turmoil you are having with yourself. You are close to walking away from it all, officially dedicating your heart to the Scouts, to Commander Erwin, to Paradis. You are willing to throw it away. Your family, friends, and everyone else back home. They don’t understand what you’re going through. The struggle you are facing. It’s easy to be on the other side of things but when having to see these losses head-on, it’s gut-wrenching.

You managed to get even closer to everyone. Sharing laughs and jokes with your squad during breakfast and dinner, working with Commander Erwin more closely and offering suggestions when he’s planning the formations, engaging in more conversations with Captain Levi, and even spending time in Hange’s office.

“Oh! Hello again (Y/n)! Guess what Eren is doing today!” Hange exclaimed while wrapping her arm around Eren’s neck. Eren holding onto her arm trying to relieve some pressure on his neck.

“What is he doing today?” You gave Eren a little smirk.

“Drinking a lot of water. We’re testing out his pee!” She shoved a large canteen into Eren’s chest.

“Pee? Wait, why?”

“Because Eren, we’re tested your blood but we haven’t received consistent results. So we are going to try your bladder. So drink up! We need at least a liter.”

“A liter?!” Eren squeaked.

Hange cackled. “A liter indeed!”

“(Y/n), do you want to help Eren out?” She flashed a grin at you.

“Sure,” you shrugged. “What do I have to do?”

“Just make sure he drinks this entire canteen of water. And if he doesn’t..” her smile dropped and she grimly looked at you, “Force him.”

Eren managed to drink the canteen of water and he also managed to give a liter of urine samples. Unfortunately, Eren had to run to the bathroom every half hour for the rest of the day. This resulted in a very irritated Captain Levi and a snickering Jean.

“What experiment did four eyes do on the shit head today?” He asked you when you walked into his office.

“She needed urine samples from Eren so she forced him to drink an entire canteen which is a gallon of water in one hour.” You grinned while grabbing your stack of papers.

He cringed. “Poor Eren.”

You snapped your neck to look at him in shock. “Did you just have sympathy for someone, Captain?”

“Oi, shut it. Don’t get mouthy with me.” He teasingly pointed a finger at you.

You snickered, taking your usual seat at the table. “I mean… It’s Hange. I always have sympathy for anyone who works with her. Look at poor Moblit.” He chuckled.

His chuckle rang through your head. He chuckled. You quickly caught your thoughts and felt heat rushing up to your cheeks for getting flustered about him chuckling. Why are you feeling like this?

“Captain, what’s the occasion? I don’t think anyone has ever heard you laugh.” You grinned at him.

“That wasn’t a laugh.” He immediately responded while scribbling on papers.

“Fine. A chuckle.” You rolled your eyes and began shuffling through the papers and organizing them.

“Well feel special I guess. You heard your captain chuckle.” He mockingly repeats the word in your tone.

Special. You smile. I do feel special.

[bastillewolf]

Hey I know you probably have like a billion requests already but maybe you could do something where the reader is good friends with corpse (maybe with some unspoken feelings) and they ask him to visit their country side home lmao-

I'm really embarrassed about asking this and I know it sounds strange but being out in the country side can be really good for mental health and I just want this boi to heal--

I'm so sorry hahah

Thanks

That’s not strange at all, darling!! I love this ask! I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer this, my mental health hasn’t been very good lately. I suppose I found this ask rather appropriate and I guess that’s why I liked writing it so much. Hope you enjoy!

Sunrise, Sunset - Oneshot

Pairings: Corpse Husband / Reader.

“Yo,” is the first thing you hear as you open your Discord. It’s not his regular greeting, and he sounds more tired than usual.

“What’s up?” you asked curiously. “Everything okay? Haven’t talked to you in a while.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I got really busy.”

“I can tell from your voice,” you chuckled. It had more of a rasp to it- if that was even possible.

“Yea, I can’t do too much for too long. I love that I’m able to work on music now, but it exhausts my voice so much that I can’t even stream sometimes.”

“Maybe you should take a break,” you comment.

“Probably. It’s almost done, so then I can stream more,” he replies.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Hm?”

“I’m talking about an actual break, from everything.”

You hear him exhale deeply as if he’d already been considering it himself. “That does sound very nice.”

“I know, I always have the best ideas.”

“You do, except you forgot about the fact that I can’t really go anywhere. I mean, I’d love to take a break, but if I just sit here at home, I’m gonna either end up doing nothing or start working anyways. I don’t see me relaxing that way.”

“I didn’t forget about anything; I just hadn’t gotten to that part yet.”

“Oh?”

You’d be lying if you said that noise didn’t make you blush. “Remember how I said I live in the countryside? You know, it’s quite cosy here, and I have a guest bedroom to spare. If you want, but only if you’re comfortable with it, you could come over.”

It was quiet for a moment and your poor nerves were wondering if you’d said something completely wrong. You knew how he was about his privacy, but you’d figured that having known each other for a more than a few months now, you’d be at a point where you’d become actual friends, especially considering you always talked over Discord. At least, when he wasn’t busy.

“I... You wouldn’t mind?” he asked softly.

“Of course not!” You immediately replied, trying your best to make him feel as welcome as possible. “It’ll be so much fun! I was just worried you wouldn’t feel comfortable with it, otherwise, I would’ve invited you over a lot sooner.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Yes! I’m always looking for people to take care of my chickens.”

“You have chickens?” he sputtered.

“Sure do. And that was a joke, by the way.”

He didn’t really give you much time to prepare. He’d instantly asked if he could come over in two days, which meant you had to clean, do the groceries, and have another mental breakdown within that short time.

When he did arrive at your relatively small but homely cottage, you knew that even if you’d had more time, you still wouldn’t have felt like you’d prepared enough. You were incredibly nervous, especially as the cab slowed to a nerve-wracking speed until it finally stopped in front of your little wooden fence that really couldn’t keep anyone out of your garden because it was so ramshackle.

You nod your head to the driver politely, who got out of the car to unload a bag from the trunk. Then, the door opened, ringed fingers sliding across the yellow polish on the metal framing. He pulled himself up and out, finally allowing you to take a good look at his face.

His hair was dark and curly, as to be expected from what you’d seen in the pictures, though you could barely see it underneath the hood he’d pulled up. His dark brown eyes immediately found yours, and a shy smile graced his lips, which you bashfully returned with a small wave. It made you want to hit yourself multiple times. He paid the cabby and thanked him, allowing you to take a good look at his attire, at his frame, at his whole being. He was wearing a black hoodie with some chains around it, along with dark baggy trousers and, go figure, black sneakers. He was slightly slouching, probably so the driver wouldn’t be able to make out his face in its entirety, but overall he looked lean, even while his face was more pale and tired, with dark circles surrounding his eyes.

He locked the creaky wooden fence behind him, quickly closing the distance between you two with only a few strides. He dropped his backpack on the floor, saying, “hi.” “Hey,” you replied with that stupid smile still on your face and now quite possibly a hint of red dusting your cheeks. He just chuckled at the slight awkwardness of the situation, before wrapping his arms around you in a warm hug. He smelled like nice cologne, and he gave really good hugs. It said a lot that you could tell that from just the one. “Thanks for letting me come over,” he muttered, finally allowing himself to sound as exhausted as he looked.

“I told you, it’s nothing.”

When you met his eyes again as he pulled back, you knew he was quietly telling you that it meant more to him than that. Feeling shy under his dark gaze, you shook your head, saying, “Come on, let me show you around.”

It wasn’t that big of a tour, but it was home and it was comfortable, so you never felt embarrassed about it. You made enough money, to be fair, from your career through YouTube, but you’d never really had the heart to leave the house. At least you had a guest bedroom, and the garden was something to dream of. To trade that in for a bit more storage space would be such a pity.

“-and this is going to be your room, for however long you wish to stay,” you finish with a flourish of your hand. He set his suitcase down on the freshly made bed and nodded, glancing around for a bit before his eyes landed back on you. “Did I tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me?”

You huff, “Once or twice now.”

“I’ll be off your back in a few days, don’t worry. I think I just needed to get out of my stuffy apartment for a bit.”

“Stay as long as you’d like,” you told him assuredly, “I know how stressful it can be and I haven’t even been through what you have. I can’t imagine what it must be like.”

He shrugs, “I have my ups and downs. It’s mostly my health issues and anxiety holding me back.”

“Well, I hope you can relax a bit here, then. People seem to feel more at ease without a bustling city around them,” you said.

He glanced out the window and nodded. “Yeah, I immediately noticed it as I got out of the car. It’s so... quiet here. And the air, of course. It’s so much nicer.”

“I usually take walks in the early mornings. You should come along sometime if you’d like. The sunrise is always really pretty when you get up on the hill.”

The corners of his lips quirked up. “I’d like that.”

“Great,” you replied, clapping your hands together, “I’ll let you get settled and start dinner. The uh- the bathroom is shared, I left a stack of towels on the rack so you can use those.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

You nodded shyly, silently closing the door behind you as you stepped into the hall. You let out a deep sigh and leaned back against the wall, pressing the backs of your hands against your cheek in a vain attempt to cool down the heat and tone down the redness. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d reacted this way but the times you’d spend talking about everything and nothing with Corpse through Discord calls that lasted until the early mornings. You knew you shouldn’t be feeling this way. You didn’t want to risk the friendship you had with him, but the tingling that had sprouted in your gut the moment he’d gotten out of that car told you that this was going to be hard.

 You knocked on his door quietly, afraid you were accidentally going to wake him when he didn’t want to be awoken. You didn’t know what kind of morning person he’d be, but he told you yesterday that he wanted to join you for your walk today. And while you were going to leave half an hour later than usual because it took you that long to work up the courage to knock on his door, meaning you were going to have to hurry a bit to catch the sun rising, you were still scared he was going to react grouchily. But when he opened the door, already dressed and ready to go, you realized you’d foolishly forgotten that this wasn’t just anyone, but that this was one of your friends; someone you already knew, even if it hadn’t been physically. Of course, he’d open the door with a smile, even though he looked more tired than the day before, which worried you.

“How did you sleep?” You made it evident in your tone that you were rather scared to ask the question, but it made him chuckle.

“I think you already know the answer to that. I don’t sleep well in general, so don’t worry. It has nothing to do with the bed or your hospitality.”

“Well, if there’s anything I can do for you, I don’t mind being woken up.”

He shook his head as he followed you downstairs and out the front door. “To be fair, I slept more than I usually would, but your rooster woke me up.”

You laughed, “Yea, I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything about that.” You held the wooden fence gate open for him, following him to the grass field until you were walking next to him. You silently picked up your pace a bit, worrying that you might miss the sunrise when you had promised it to him.

“I know, I know,” he replied amusedly, “Can we go see them later? The chickens?”

“Sure,” you smiled, “I also have a few ducks. You’ll love them, they’ll try to rip the shoelaces from your feet.”

“Sounds great.”

The walk to the hill wasn’t too far, but the hill was quite steep, which was always an exercise for people who walked with you for the first time, so you’d figured he’d start trailing behind you after some time. Thing is, he started trailing behind relatively earlier than you had expected him to.

Glancing back over your shoulder, you called out, “you good? We’re almost there.”

He nodded, though you could see him slightly panting, and you turned around to jog up the last bit until you reached the top. You could see a sliver of light start to peek over the horizon, making you glance back to see how far away he was.

But instead of having moved forward, he was now sort of slouched over, holding his stomach as he panted loudly. “Shit,” you cursed yourself as you sprinted back down until you skidded to a stop in front of him. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I should have slowed down-“

“It’s fine,” he waved you off, slowly catching his breath. “I can do it, I just take a bit longer.”

“I’ll carry you if I have to. I got us into this mess.”

He chuckled, but it sounded a bit hoarse.

“Come on,” you said. He furrowed his brow in confusion but followed you anyway. Walking along the side of the hill was tricky, but you made it around without any issues. He was able to keep up this time and gratefully plopped down on the grass beside you, just in time to watch the sun fully appear from behind the horizon.

“Holy shit,” he breathed.

“Yea, it never really gets old.” You laid down, feeling twigs of grass tickle the bareback of your neck.

He joined you, scooting a bit closer until your arms were brushing against each other. You couldn’t tell if he’d done it on purpose, so you acted like it hadn’t affected you, keeping your eyes fixed on the sky above you. At least, you tried. They flickered when you felt fingertips graze across your lower arm until they reached your palm, where his nails slowly dragged along your skin until his warm digits intertwined with yours. His rings felt cool against the heat and tingling you were suddenly feeling in your hand. He didn’t let go of you, not as you laid there for what seemed like hours, nor during the entire walk back.

‘Is this what friends do?’ you were silently asking yourself, watching the ducks try to free his shoes from its laces, ‘is this what friends do when they need support? Is this his way of coping, or is it-‘ You quickly shook the thought away. Of course, he wouldn’t think of you that way. He probably did stuff like this with all his friends. You knew how playful he could get, his guy friends included.

Yeah, it was just that. It had to be.

You were both laid back on the couch that night, stuffed to the brink with the famous lasagne you’d put together. The TV was on, but it sounded more like static noise in the background. “I think I can just fall asleep right here,” you hummed. The glass of red wine you’d shared – because neither of you could handle liquor – had created a pleasant buzz between the two of you.

“That seems a lot less comfortable than your bed.”

“You don’t know a thing about my bed,” you huffed indignantly.

It was quiet for a moment then, a sliver of tension seeping through the warmth of your home. “I think it’s probably about as comfortable as mine, otherwise you’re treating your guests too much,” he replied.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, “I’ve actually never slept in the guest bedroom. I might just be treating my guests too much and I’d never even know about it.”

He suddenly sat up and turned the TV off. “Come on,” he said and was already up the stairs by the time you’d made an attempt to move.

When finally reached the upstairs and were about to round the corner, you were suddenly picked up and slung over his shoulder, causing you to let out a loud shriek. “Corpse!” you laughed, “Please put me down!”

“You were taking too long,” he grumbled, dropping you down on the bed unceremoniously. He shuffled over until he was laying down next to you and lifted the covers up until it reached your neck.

“So?” he asked.

You had your eyes closed. “I might be treating my guests too much.”

He snorted. “Fucking knew it,” which made you laugh.

You laid there for quite a while, not really caring if either of you fell asleep with your regular clothes still on. “Hey Corpse?”

He hummed.

“I’m really glad you came. It gets lonely over here sometimes.”

He shifted, but because it was so dark you couldn’t really see what he was doing. Suddenly though, you felt him hovering over you, his elbows resting on either side of your face as his hand reached across to move a strand of hair to the side. He leaned down and hesitantly, his lips barely touched yours, a silent question if this was okay. You moved back against him, your hand finding his cheek in the darkness. His kisses were gentle, but passionate, which made your breaths heavier and deeper. When you pulled apart, you were both breathing heavily, mostly from the tension that had arisen.

“I really like you,” you admitted.

“Good,” he replied, wrapping his arms around you until you were tucked against his chest. You hit his arm playfully, “Cocky bastard.”

You hear the smirk in his voice as he said goodnight.

TAG LIST CLOSED!

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[foxy-exy]

You don’t have to say you love me (I just wanna tell you somethin’) - Kevaaron

Aaron could have predicted that pretending to date Kevin Day to get back at Andrew would backfire. He just didn't think it would backfire like this.

Another present fic for @starsandgutters !!

It started off as irritation. A prickle of annoyance. After all, Aaron thought, why was his brother allowed to have his stupid little boyfriend who gave him sappy little looks and brushed his fingers when they thought no one was looking? When Andrew spent so much energy and time driving off each and every girl Aaron had ever even smiled at?

When he woke up to Josten curled up in Andrew’s bed, he felt the anger begin to simmer in his chest.

And when he finally walked in on them kissing, Aaron Minyard knew something had to be done.

***

“I’m sick of this.”

Kevin looked up at the slam of Aaron’s hands on the kitchen counter, a ghost of a wince startling him out of his intent perusal of a book — one that looked suspiciously like some kind of soapy dollar store romance. Aaron raised an eyebrow at the chiselled man with an Exy racquet slung across his shoulders plastered across the cover, and Kevin cleared his throat and flipped the book over.

“Sick of, uh, sick of what?”

“Them. Josten being all over Andrew.”

Kevin looked mildly disturbed. “You didn’t… they weren’t…”

Aaron mimed vomiting. Imagine walking in on that. “Oh god, no. They were just making out. But it’s pissing me off. At this point, I feel like they need a taste of their own fucking medicine.”

Kevin lifted a dark eyebrow, uncomprehending. “What do you mean?”

Aaron considered him over the top of his laced fingers.

It wasn’t Kevin’s fault that Aaron and Katelyn had tearfully decided several months ago that the sneaking around just wasn’t worth the effort — attempting to keep their relationship up at a distance wasn’t working, so they’d parted ways. And it also wasn’t Kevin’s fault that he was now the only one who wasn’t related to Aaron that he actually exchanged more than two regular words with.

But the plan that had been quietly brewing in the very back corner of Aaron’s head for several weeks now was, admittedly, immensely helped by Kevin being Kevin. The fact that it was Kevin — of anyone Aaron could hatch this particular plot with — would piss Andrew off like no other.

And ultimately, that was the utmost goal.

“Kevin, what if I were to tell you…”

***

“What.”

“Look, I’ll help you with studying. Or — or something. I don’t know, what do you want? I’ll get you merch for your favorite team. Something for Knox, or whatever? You can put it on your little shrine.”

“This is ridiculous,” Kevin said, but he suddenly looked a little pinker than he was before. “I don’t have a…a shrine.”

Aaron opened his mouth to make a comment about how he didn’t know what else the entire inside of Kevin’s wardrobe was supposed to be, but now was the time to let things like that go. “I know Andrew and Josten piss you off too. If they figured out they needed to chill out with each other, maybe they’d do more practice with you.”

Kevin looked to be considering the proposition, finally, narrowing his far-away eyes thoughtfully down at the shirtless Exy player, only slightly concealed on the counter by one hand. At last, he said haltingly, “Couldn’t you…ask someone else?”

The uncertainty was Aaron’s in. He pushed forward, throwing another Kevin bait into the mix. “If you do it, I’ll practice extra with you too.”

Kevin’s eyes narrowed again, snapping up to sharpen on Aaron’s face. He had him. “I don’t know if you could keep up.”

“Oh my god, you asshole, that’s the point. I’ll put in more effort, you can show me how.”

“You’ll join night practices?” Kevin tilted his head.

A twinge of nervous anxiety in Aaron’s stomach. “I mean, I can’t do it all the time, I have to study, because unlike the rest of you all, my classes actually matter outside of a minimum GPA. But sure, whatever. Sometimes I’ll let you drag me along. If you do this.”

“This is ridiculous,” Kevin sighed again, as he stuck out his hand for Aaron to shake.

“So is your book,” deadpanned Aaron.

(Though if he had to chew his lip nearly to bleed to bite back a smile when Kevin dove to escape with his smut novel with a sputter and a glare, it was no one’s business but his own.)

***

“Greek salad and the turkey sandwich, here you two are. Enjoy.”

Kevin was sporting a sour scowl strong enough to wilt the salad the cafe waiter had placed in front of him — like getting treated to lunch was the lowest part of his week.

Maybe it was, he’d probably prefer to carry out this plan on the court. After all, Kevin preferred to do most things on the court.

Now that Aaron thought about it, Josten preferred the same. Perhaps the next part of this plan could happen on the court. At least Kevin would look less like he wanted to be five miles away from him, which really ruined the entire point of this exercise.

“They usually get coffee here around this time, so we just need to be a little convincing when they show up,” Aaron muttered, once more glancing furtively over his shoulder for Andrew and his annoying redheaded shadow. “But before they get here, Kevin, you did agree to at least pretend to fake date me. Maybe drop the murder glare, it’s not very romantic.”

“What am I even supposed to do?” Kevin hissed, but his glare dropped in favor of the same flavor of embarrassment Aaron recognized from his Knox shrine, eyes darting to Aaron’s face and back away, on repeat.

Aaron scoffed. “You’ve dated before. You were dating — what’s her name, Thea, weren’t you?”

“Not like this,” Kevin mumbled, beginning to shred his napkin.

Aaron watched him shower paper confetti across the tabletop, biting back his own surprise. Granted, Aaron had only seen Thea once or twice before Kevin had ended things with her, and their relationship had never seemed anything like Aaron’s often short lived but whirlwind style romances. Kevin and Thea had read aloof power couple at best, and… dangerously close to toxic old Raven headspace for Kevin at worst.

But still… Kevin Day, unsure of dating. Unsure of himself. A strange sight indeed.

“Well. We’ll figure it out. First, here.” Aaron slid an open palm across the table, and Kevin stared down at it like it was a foreign object.

“Hold my hand. It’s not going to bite you.” No movement, but Aaron knew how to play to his audience. “Or are you not up to the challenge?”

Kevin huffed and slapped his hand down, clamping his fingers around Aaron’s wrist. His hand was very large, and enveloped most of Aaron’s, but the death grip was anything but amorous.

“Prime boyfriend hand holding, Day,” Aaron said dryly.

“Prime plan, Minyard,” Kevin parroted back, as he picked his fork back up, raising his eyebrow. “Have fun eating that sandwich with one hand.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not on the first date, honey,” Kevin smiled around his forkful.

“Oh, of course. I’ll wait til the second to jump you, I’m not a slut, sweetheart.”

The slight choke brought a wave of triumph, as Aaron also managed to pick up half of his slightly soggy sandwich and bit into it.

Kevin was giving him A Look, and Aaron flipped him off with his sandwich hand, smirking.

Even if he’d had another option for this plan, Kevin was fun to poke at. It had been a long time since they’d last properly talked. They rarely spent time alone — Andrew was the Minyard Kevin was most interested in. Aaron’s preoccupation with Katelyn and with his schoolwork had meant he’d rarely spent much time speaking to him, anyway, let alone trading snarky insults.

Kevin speared an olive and stared at it. “So… aside from… holding hands. What are we planning on doing?”

Aaron tried to cough down dry turkey. “We just need to fool Andrew into thinking we’re an item, it’s not that hard.”

“But what kind of terms, Aaron? How far are you expecting…oh shit.”

(Read more on AO3 here!)

[therealvinelle]

Hi! I was reading through your meta (which is reeeeally interesting) and noticed you said you don't like Eleazar? I was wondering why that was?

Tumblr ate this ask when I had almost finished it and I hate everything. Also, thanks for the compliment, I’m really glad you like my things.

Now to try and remember what I wrote about Eleazar…

I think Eleazar is a disagreeable person whose gift wasn’t useful enough to warrant a place in the Volturi guard, and Aro jumped on the Carmen-shaped excuse to give him an honorable discharge.

To start with the gift, we see him use it twice and neither time is particularly impressive.

Siobhan Siobhan has the power of reality manipulation. Her gift is noticeable enough that Carlisle is certain she has it, so when he gets Eleazar and Siobhan in a room together he pulls Eleazar over to see if he was right. Eleazar squints at Siobhan. And he squints. Finally he says, «I’ve got nothing.» Now, gifts are an iffy, complicated matter everyone has their own theories about, but I think that at the end of the day we can all agree it’s a binary, you’re gifted or you’re not. Some gifts may be weak, but those are still gifts. And maybe someone will touch the gray zone of «is it a gift or is Johnny the vampire just really good at juggling?», but Siobhan has the power to manipulate reality, and she must do it a lot for Carlisle to have come to suspect it in the first place. She has a definitive and powerful gift. And even if I’m wrong about gifts being binary, if Eleazar wants to be useful to Aro he should still be able to say: Yes, this person has a gift, or no, this person does not have a gift. Sadly, he is not. When brought before Siobhan he says «She could have a gift, she could also not have a gift.» This means he hasn’t detected her gift, which is bad enough by itself. Being able to tell if someone has a gift or not should be a dealbreaker. The way he answers, though, that she could very well have a gift he doesn’t know about, makes it clear that people having gifts he couldn’t detect has happened enough for him to be open to the possibility that the gift there, and he can’t see it. In other words, Eleazar isn’t reliable for detecting gifts and will give Aro false negatives.

Bella This is an aside but as it’ll inevitably come up later in my blog I’ll just drop here that I think Bella’s gift is something more complex than a shield. She has prophetic dreams, hallucination!Edward, and there’s a weird inconsistency as to who is blocked by her and who isn’t. I think her gift is self-preservation, and the shield is one of its manifestations. Anyway, onto discrediting Eleazar. (I’ll be pretty closely paraphrasing what happens in chapter 31 of Breaking Dawn, but since the interaction goes on for several pages I’m not going to clutter this post by pasting all of it.) To his credit, he does notice Bella right away, and he identifies her as a shield based on the fact that he gets this sense of nothingness from her. This is all he can do, however, and I can’t stress that enough. He assumes that she can block Edward, but he’s shocked to learn that she can block Aro. He’s just as surprised that she can block Jane and Alec. He has to interview her to deduce exactly what her gift does, which again has nothing to do with his gift. Anyone could ask questions, in fact Aro found all this out two books ago, without the help of Eleazar. Eleazar then starts musing aloud about who-would-win in a Renata vs. Bella showdown (more on that later), which is as tactless as it is revealing. The guy genuinely doesn’t know, and it’s because he doesn’t understand their gifts well enough. Eleazar’s power means he can tell Bella that she has a gift, and he knows roughly what it is. He muses that usually he can’t even tell that much, which again is quite damning. He can’t tell her exactly what she does without a game of 20 questions first. She gives him more information than he gives her, which he then regurgitates back to her with slightly different wording, and everybody claps. «My god, Eleazar, you’ve done it again!» (No, really, this is pretty much what happens. Eleazar brought no new information to the table, yet he blew Bella and Edward’s minds.) It’s all fun and games to do this for Bella and Edward, as they for various reasons genuinely didn’t realize she had a gift. For Aro, who figured this one out on his own, one begins to wonder what Eleazar was bringing to the table.

Carlisle Bonus bullet point! I’ll make this one brief. I believe Carlisle in canon has a gift he’s unaware of (Yes, I have a post planned, but it will get ugly long so god knows when it’ll come), which makes him another one of Eleazar’s gift detection fails. In short, I think he’s extremely charismatic, able to win over anybody. To list a few examples - he has an extremely diverse set of friends who in Breaking Dawn are willing to lay down their lives for him, Jacob muses how his instinctive hostility around vampires doesn’t apply to Carlisle, and vampires are terrifying to humans (don’t be fooled by the movies, people) yet Carlisle is able to work as a successful doctor, meaning his patients don’t mind being exposed to a killing machine even when they’re at their most vulnerable. He’s able to keep his family of sociopaths in line. There’s not a single person in the Twilight ‘verse that dislikes him. (Billy and Caius excepted, but Billy has no direct exposure to him until late Eclipse, and Caius is responding to a coven that’s potentially threatening the Volturi) People are free to disagree with me on this one, but if I’m right (and I have a lot of book quotes as well as a theory on what gifts even are to back me up on this one. I’m right, damnit!) then Carlisle is another gifted vampire Eleazar failed to detect.

So. We’ve established that Eleazar’s gift will yield false negatives, and that he can’t tell you much about the gifts he does detect.

I think his power is to point out the obvious.

Which means that Aro’s eyelid was twitching slightly, but alright, Eleazar could still be useful.

Unfortunately, there is the matter of weighing up your pros with your cons.

The Volturi are, at the end of the day, a group of people who live in a commune together. Coven, guard, evil minions, call them what we like but they’re exposed to each other and some sense of agreeability is required. And Chelsea is not omnipotent.

More, I imagine that in a coven as large and old as the Volturi, they’ve developed a culture of their own. This means that newcomers will need social awareness and a willingness to fit in.

Eleazar, from what we see of him in Breaking Dawn, appears to lack both.

It’s in the way he speaks of the people he used to work with. It’s utterly impersonal. He tells us how their gifts work, no more and no less. When he speaks of Aro, he speaks only of actions Aro took and orders he gave, nothing about the man’s personality. Now, considering the context, he was speaking in a context where Jane’s thoughts and feelings were far from relevant, but it’s still notable.

Also notable is the fact that he has no issue contemplating a Renata vs. Bella scenario, even though this would mean the deaths of two people he worked with for years. Perhaps it’s a thought exercise, but it’s not a thought exercise I would have gotten into when it was days away from becoming reality. If Renata can’t deflect Bella’s power, she and Aro die.

I’ll put it this way - I don’t think he’d do a «who would win» like this involving Carmen.

At no point in the book does Eleazar show any concern for the eventuality that members of a guard he used to be a part of may get killed.

It seems he didn’t form personal relationships with the rest of the guard. I suspect he considered himself... if not quite above them, then still someone who could evaluate them. Their gifts is what he looked at in them. I also think it’s likely he asked Aro not to use Chelsea on him, which in turn would have made him stick out even more as there’s nothing making him and Volturi Guard Member X just click in the way I imagine Chelsea can be very helpful with. Which in turn means that the other guard members will feel close to one another in a way they’re not close to Eleazar.

Also… he’s just a douche. I’m sorry, but I don’t make the rules and the whole guy radiates douche. I can’t even point to a specific quote in the book, it’s just is.

I don’t think this guy never really fit into the Volturi guard, and his gift wasn’t useful enough to keep him. Aro was thrilled to have him at first, but as time went on and Eleazar proved to just not be all that, he eventually realized he had to get rid of him.

Because as others have pointed out before me, the Carmen excuse makes no sense. There would be no problem in one more vampire in the castle, yet Aro wouldn’t let her in and Eleazar had to choose.

It was a solution that sent Eleazar on his way with his ego intact, and no hard feelings towards the Volturi. More, Aro is on record doing this with it’s-not-you thing with at least one other vampire. Laurent wanted to join the Volturi, had nothing to bring to the table, and Aro used past association with the Romanians as an excuse for why Laurent couldn’t join rather than tell him to his face that he was useless. With Marcus, Aro, and Chelsea around, the Romanian connection isn’t a problem, meaning Aro was bullshitting.

TL;DR: Aro is the kind of person who’d lie and say his grandma died if he doesn’t want to go to your party, and Eleazar is the kind of person who’d say «My condolences».