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myapothecarydiary · 4 months

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Eunuchs, Value, and Appearance– Brief Thoughts on Beauty and Gender in The Apothecary Diaries Manga Volume 1

This is an offshoot of my thoughts from Ch. 4 of the manga, but it also connects greatly to Ch. 1, so a brief recap of where these thoughts sprung from:

As Maomao and Gaoshun go to investigate the "ghost" dancing on the palace wall, Maomao again reflects that Gaoshun doesn't look like a typical eunuch. Her first instinct upon meeting him was the classify him as a "military man" but because he was in the rear palace, he had to be a eunuch.

Meeting again, she thinks he looks "very masculine" and not "like a typical eunuch at all." In this moment, we get another example of Maomao's understanding of and perspective on eunuchs and gender being challenged. Or do we?

A product of her time and background, Maomao has a very specific and somewhat rigid way of thinking about gender. I think that perspective ebbs and flows, but it is very much informed by the outline provided to her by the society she exists within.

Sometimes, what first appears to challenge the constraints of that outline actually works to reaffirm it.

Gaoshun appearing more masculine and like a military man is not presented in the story to challenge a bias but it is Maomao's first clue that something else is going on with Gaoshun, that there's more to the story. It is not a purposeful reflection on gender by the author but a purposeful piece of a puzzle Maomao is solving within the story.

The same thing happens later when Maomao inspects Jinshi's body and sees it is more muscular than a eunuch's would be. Without further investigation, the presentation of eunuchs that don't fit the stereotype challenges that stereotype, but the truth of the matter actually kind of relies on and reaffirms those stereotypes. Gaoshun isn't just a eunuch and wasn't always a eunuch. Jinshi isn't a eunuch at all. If they didn't seem like regular eunuchs, it's because they are not.

[And if we flash forward to how another character is addressed–Maomao observes that Ah-Duo appears more masculine than feminine, which reminds her of Jinshi. Seems like a great challenge to gender norms, but then Maomao's bias/the binary is reinforced by the fact that Ah-Duo's womb was removed. Jinshi is castrated, thus more feminine and Ah-Duo had her womb removed, thus more masculine. Or so it seems to Maomao...]

And yet, just because these moments weren't included to say something about gender, it doesn't mean that nothing on that topic is being said. And the fact remains that Jinshi isn't actually castrated/a eunuch! So he works to both reinforce Maomao's views on gender and challenge them. Though he isn't actually a eunuch, he still appears very feminine. That is, arguably in part due to the drugs/forms of suppression he uses to assume his eunuch persona and operate in the rear palace, but even without those measures, Jinshi still possesses a great "feminine" beauty. He is sort of a contradictory figure in that sense.

With that, I wanted to circle back to something I noted in chapter 1. I noted that Maomao is "disappointed" when she realizes Jinshi is a man and that his beauty is not possessed by a woman. I thought of this point as contributing to the conversation around gender and around beauty within the story.

I also put a pin in the idea of how Maomao values beauty and recognizes how beauty gives someone value and specifically how Maomao views beauty as it relates to Jinshi–a waste on a man, disastrously powerful on a woman, extra wasteful on a man sans frog (aka castrated).

These fuzzy reflections got some great extra translation-related context from @amiriirish (thank you for that!), specifically regarding the line "A man? That's too bad," Maomao's thought when she realizes Jinshi isn't a woman. A more accurate translation would be "A man? What a waste" or as it is written in the GX version: “'タマナシだけどな…もったいない' which roughly translates to '(He) doesn’t have balls, though. What a waste.'"

I love how @amiriirish describes Maomao's perspective in this moment as one of "a scientist, not wanting to see good genes go to waste" as within the historical context of the setting, a person's purpose is to get married and have kids/keep the family line going/pass on their genes. Jinshi being castrated means he won't be able to produce any beautiful children and so his beauty is going to waste by not being passed down.

I was pretty vague in my initial thoughts, but I meant to sort of hand-wave at these ideas (albeit in a much less articulate way) and though I do think Maomao's sexuality is another interesting conversation (and I personally favor the interpretation of her as on the asexual + bisexual spectrums), I didn't mean to highlight Maomao's attraction to Jinshi during their first meeting but rather her recognizing his general attractiveness and beauty. Love bi Maomao, but I don't actually think she was attracted to Jinshi at that moment. Like with her view of the "wastefulness" of his beauty, she is looking at him like a scientist/as more of an observer than participant.

Maomao's introduction to Jinshi is the beginning of her generalizations about his beauty and how she positions herself as an outsider in those generalizations. Anyone would be attracted to him but that anyone does not refer to her. At least not yet.

Instead, I was thinking of Maomao's disappointment at Jinshi being a man rather than a woman as a reflection of her upbringing in the pleasure district and her familiarity with female beauty specifically.

We don't get a lot from Maomao about beauty or handsomeness in men. Or when we do, she seems even more removed from it. Like it isn't really worth noting. I think this is because she has learned how beauty can function as a sort of currency or tool for women.

Even in the very beginning of chapter 1, Maomao reflects on how a "pretty face" (and a voluptuous body) can lead to a woman rising through the ranks.

@teaflowsthroughthesesims discussed this further in some awesome expanded thoughts:

"In the circles [Maomao] runs in beauty is power, or a means of obtaining it, mostly but not exclusively for women. In her view, it's fitting that the powerful be beautiful, and expected that it be used as a weapon or tactic of controlling others.

Beauty is also tied up in desire towards others. The desire of a customer for a courtesan is due to beauty, the desire of an emperor for a concubine naturally falls on the lovely ones -- and [Maomao's] own undesirability is tied up in her lack of beauty (i.e chicken bones vs. abalone)."

"This is why she immediately sees Jinshi's flirting as a tactic - beauty is a tool to be used. Also, she chooses ways to describe Jinshi's beauty in terms of how it would control other people - 'a nation-toppling beauty' or 'a sex appeal that would drive both men and women mad' (paraphrased)."

"Aside from her upbringing in brothels, this is also probably why it doesn't 'work' on her - she is always expecting beauty to be used as a weapon or tool."

With that being said, I think Maomao views Jinshi's beauty as a waste on a eunuch and on a man both because it means that beauty will not be genetically passed on and because it means that beauty cannot be strategically used as a tool by a woman. But after this moment of meeting, Maomao will soon see how Jinshi, despite being a eunuch and a man, can use his beauty as a tool too. Something she probably knew was a thing already (men using their looks), just something she's not as familiar with.

I think there also remains a curiosity in Maomao regarding the concept of Jinshi as a woman, which we see again later when Maomao can't resist trying out lipstick on him to try and see what he might look like if he were a woman. There's perhaps something self-indulgent in that, as well as something that brings together the world Maomao knew before and the one she is coming to know. Thinking of Maomao as a scientist, it is a little experiment, but though Maomao is practical and her view of beauty is influenced by that, I think she is more than her practicality and pragmatism too.

More thoughts in this vein will surely come once we get to Maomao's reasons for using makeup to add freckles to her face!

#Maomao #kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries #character analysis #beauty and power #Jinshi #maomao and jinshi #beauty and value #additional analysis #gender #analysis #gaoshun #ah duo #tad manga #knh manga #gender stereotypes

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i-love-your-light · 10 months

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too many thoughts on the new hbomberguy video not to put them anywhere so:

with every app trying to turn into the clock app these days by feeding you endless short form content, *how many* pieces of misinformation does the average person consume day to day?? thinking a lot about how tons of people on social media go largely unquestioned about the information they provide just because they speak confidently into the camera. if you're scrolling through hundreds of pieces of content a day, how many are you realistically going to have the time and will to check? i think there's an unfortunate subconscious bias in liberal and leftist spaces that misinformation is something that is done only by the right, but it's a bipartisan issue babey. everybody's got their own agendas, even if they're on "your side". *insert you are not immune to propaganda garfield meme*

and speaking of fact checking, can't help but think about how much the current state of search engines Sucks So Bad right now. not that this excuses ANY of the misinformation at all, but i think it provides further context as to why these things become so prevalent in creators who become quick-turnaround-content-farms and cut corners when it comes to researching. when i was in high school and learning how to research and cite sources, google was a whole different landscape that was relatively easy to navigate. nowadays a search might give you an ad, a fake news article, somebody's random blog, a quora question, and another ad before actually giving you a relevant verifiable source. i was googling a question about 1920s technology the other day (for a fanfiction im writing lmao) and the VERY FIRST RESULT google gave me was some random fifth grader's school assignment on the topic???? like?????? WHAT????? it just makes it even harder for people to fact-check misinformation too.

going off the point of cutting corners when it comes to creating content, i can't help but think about capitalism's looming influence over all of this too. again, not as an excuse at all but just as further environmental context (because i really believe the takeaway shouldn't be "wow look how bad this one individual guy is" but rather "wow this is one specific example of a much larger systemic issue that is more pervasive than we realize"). a natural consequence of the inhumanity of capitalism is that people feel as if they have to step on or over eachother to get to 'the top'. if everybody is on this individualistic american dream race to success, everyone else around you just looks like collateral. of course then you're going to take shortcuts, and you're going to swindle labor and intellectual property from others, because your primary motivation is accruing capital (financial or social) over ethics or actual labor.

i've been thinking about this in relation to AI as well, and the notion that some people want to Be Artists without Doing Art. they want to Have Done Art but not labor through the process. to present something shiny to the world and benefit off of it. they don't want to go through the actual process of creating, they just want a product. Easy money. Winning the game of capitalism.

i can't even fully fault this mentality- as someone who has been struggling making barely minimum wage from art in one of the most expensive cities in america for the past two years, i can't say that i haven't been tempted on really difficult occasions to act in ways that would be morally bad but would give me a reprieve from the constant stress cycle of "how am i going to pay for my own survival for another month". the difference is i don't give in to those impulses.

tl;dr i hope that people realize that instead of this just being a time to dogpile on one guy (or a few people), that it's actually about a larger systemic problem, and the perfect breeding grounds society has created for this kind of behavior to largely go unchecked!!!

#hbomberguy #james somerton #idk if any of this is coherent it just needed to get out of me #misinformation #capitalism is hell!

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svsss-fanon-exposed · 10 months

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Welcome!

This is your official-unofficial source for all things SVSSS fanon-debunking! As a veteran reader of MXTX's least popular novel and someone with a PhD in SVSSS literature, I have taken on the arduous task of separating fact from fiction... or well, specifically, canon from fanon.

《 Disclaimer: The purpose of this blog is textual analysis, not to tell people what fanon or canon material to use or not to use in their fanworks, or to make moral judgments on the way people interpret the text. Please see my faq and psa tags for more about my views on the matter. 》

There is a significant affliction within this fandom, where fanon ideas are assumed to be canonical facts-- to the point where sometimes fanon will even end up on the official SVSSS wiki 😱😱😱!!!

I've met quite a lot of people who are surprised to find out that something they think is canon is actually fanon, and even a few that are the other way around, so I've decided to start this blog to help people sort it out!

My credentials and qualifications are as follows:

PhD in SVSSS literature (awarded to me by a disgruntled SJ apologist).

A good minimum of 50-75% of available brain-space devoted to SVSSS at all times

Consummate knowledge of minute lore details

Near-memorization of a good portion of the novel, with the added ability to find any quote within 10 minutes of searching (in both EN and CN)

Author of a fic that is currently over 300k words long and counting, which was originally written out of spite for fanon portrayals of certain characters and themes

The ability to write 5k+ rants about any given topic in the space of an afternoon

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How this blog works:

You, dear reader, send in a suspected fanon topic to my askbox. Or perhaps it's something you suspect to be canon, but would like confirmation on.

I will then write a post on this topic (on no set schedule, I go as the wind takes me~), first applying a rating (more details below), then adding further information as needed. Topics with either support or rebuttal in canon will have quoted evidence presented, those without either of those things will simply have a brief explanation.

I will also add some analysis or potential interpretations and readings but I will do my best not to add my pure opinions to these posts-- this blog is about textual evidence! So, do not reblog my posts to argue with me based on your headcanons! If you want to argue against one of my posts, provide a quoted source from the novel!

Otherwise, I will most likely block you :>

Any hateful content or attempts to start fandom wank on my posts or in my inbox will get deleted and blocked. Anyone who provides textual evidence that changes my rating or analysis will be very much appreciated and receive the Golden Cucumber Award.

At the end of the day, this blog is entirely about canonical textual analysis and has no bearing whatsoever on what people want to headcanon or use in their fics. It's fandom. Do Whatever You Want Forever. Who am I to say you can't use a certain headcanon?

Just please treat headcanons as headcanons. No matter how deeply-entrenched into fanon they may be, they're still not canon and shouldn't be treated as such.

If you're of the mind that you'll still do whatever you want without regards for canon, then you're probably not the intended audience for this blog. If you're someone who wants to clarify whether a popular idea has a basis in canon or not, then read on to learn more about the rating system and see already-discussed topics!

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Rating System

WHAT DO I CONSIDER CANON? (please read before commenting)

Each exposed fanon or canon will receive a rating and analysis. The ratings are interpreted as follows:

CANON - This fact is directly or indirectly supported by the text! If you want to stay true to canon, this should be treated as fact.

FANON - SUPPORTED - Though the text doesn't directly state this is true, it is a very likely interpretation based on various factors including historical precedent and cultural norms, genre tropes, and the occam's razor principle.

FANON - NEUTRAL - The text neither confirms or denies this. It may be true or it may be false, and the matter is entirely up for interpretation. Many fanon will likely fall into this category, and whether you adopt it or not won't affect how true to canon your interpretations are.

FANON - UNSUPPORTED - While the text may not be directly against this headcanon, it is still an unlikely interpretation based on various factors including historical precedent and cultural norms, genre tropes, and the occam's razor principle.

FANON - CONFLICTING - The text goes directly against this interpretation, and there are quotes that prove it to be incorrect. If you wish to stay true to canon, it's best not to include this idea.

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Awards:

I will give out three awards on this blog for those who assist me in keeping fanon and canon separate!

The Bronze Cucumber Award will be given to anyone who reblogs my post and adds significant additional context in support of/explaining my analysis. This may be textual context or "support" context (cultural norms/historical precedence/genre tropes/etc.). Since this fandom likes to analyze, I will only be giving out this award to those who specifically add details and ideas that are not rooted in my original analysis (such as, a quote from a completely different part of the book, or a linguistic explanation that provides context), rather than those who simply expand on what I already wrote.

The Silver Cucumber Award will be given to those who reblog one of my analysis posts with a source telling the origin of a particular fanon idea. This is wonderful for archival purposes-- just as it's good to see where canon ideas come from, it can also be helpful to know where a fanon idea originated, in order to have proper context. Only the first responder to provide a fanon origin will receive the award (so that this blog doesn't get too clogged up).

The Golden Cucumber Award will be given to those who reblog one of my posts with a debunking of my analysis-- as long as they provide directly-quoted evidence that disproves my points. This evidence should be based on the text of the novel itself, and I should be able to look it up in my own copy. I will be more selective with giving out golden cucumbers to reblogs that debunk on the basis of "support" elements (cultural norms/historical precedence/genre tropes, etc.) because many of those topics can be somewhat subjective.

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Previously-Tackled Concepts

(See below the cut for a full list)

CANON

CQMS Twelve Peaks' have Color-Coded Uniforms

Shen Yuan has a Younger Sister

Mobei-jun has Blue Eyes

Shen Yuan is a Monster Nerd

Airplane was a Child of Divorced Parents

Ning Yingying is Younger than Luo Binghe

FANON - SUPPORTED

Shen Jiu Only Goes to Brothels to Sleep, Not to Have Sex

Mobei-jun and Shang Qinghua Eventually Get Married

FANON - NEUTRAL

Shen Qingqiu is Banned from Xian Shu Peak

Shen Qingqiu Wears a Cinnabar Mark on his Forehead

Shen Yuan Wore Glasses in his Previous Life

FANON - UNSUPPORTED

Shen Yuan was Chronically/Terminally Ill in his First Life

Shen Yuan was a Socially Awkward, Introverted Shut-In By Nature

Luo Binghe has Curly Hair

Aphrodisiac-Producing Plants are an Ever-Present Danger in the World of PIDW

FANON - CONFLICTING

Ming Fan was Head Disciple of Qing Jing Peak

Luo Binghe Received Both Scars from the Abyss Scene

Qiu Haitang has More than One Older Brother

Shen Qingqiu has Green Eyes

All Demons Naturally have Forehead Marks

Luo Binghe has a "Stereotypically Masculine" Appearance

Xuan Su is a Large, Broad, Imposing-Looking Sword

Shen Yuan's Original Body Closely Resembled Shen Qingqiu's

Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu were Meant to End Up Together in the Original Draft of PIDW

CANON EXAMINED

Shen Yuan's PIDW-Reading Timeline

Cang Qiong Mountain Sect Hierarchy (tag)

The Pre-Canon Timeline and Character Ages

#svsss #scum villain self saving system #svsss fanon #svsss meta #pinned

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thedroloisms · 6 months

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I think what's worse about people doing it to Dream is he's very reluctant to call attention to it himself so people do it for him and it's not just with abuse. They'll do it about him being queer or about having rsd and people need to realise if he wanted to use those things as excuses but he doesn't. Like it's okay to recognise the influence those things have on a person but you can't reduce an issue down to a single factor and remove all the nuance.

i mean yeah he "doesn't use it as an excuse" because 1) he'd be crucified even harder than he already is 2) people already make things up in their head abt him using it as an excuse when he doesn't (like claiming he uses his RSD to get out of things, which was particularly hilarious back in 2021 or whatever when it seemed debatable if he even knew what RSD is) (like this is the same guy who like, during every drodcast around that time, would like list off textbook adhd symptoms and then be like 'yeah idk why i do that tho') but ... that's. like.

like the point i was making isn't just "we shouldn't make excuses using his abuse/queerness/neurodivergence because he doesn't do it" -- in situations where a conversation revolving around smth like queerness or victim advocacy or neurodivergence is relevant, then i don't think these topics should be barred from conversation? as an example, people used to get on people's cases all the time about mcc 14 and how you shouldn't talk about neurodivergence in relation to it while dream was like. clearly and obviously overwhelmed and out of it literally almost until the end of the conversation because of the buildmart rework. just because dream wasn't going "wow, this was an overstimulating environment that clashed terribly with my adhd" out loud on stream doesn't mean people couldn't independently hold conversations about how the game was kind of designed to be stimulation hell, with or without relating that conversation to dream.

obviously people should have more tact when they talk abt abuse specifically, re: dream. i just...don't think that throwing his situation into his face (especially as a weapon to use against other people) is in any way appropriate. people can, have, and will use his experiences against him.

but back to my main point, it's less about "not using these things as excuses because he doesn't" and more about "not using these things as excuses when they're not excuses." like. while i understand that being a survivor, being queer, being nd affects literally everything you do...as you said, there's a difference between understanding the impact something like past abuse can have on your feelings and actions and concluding that your actions and feelings are valid because of your abuse.

like. just as an example. if a DV victim acts erratically while details of their specific situation are being dredged up and said person does things out of character for themselves like shutting down their accounts on social media and refusing to acknowledge an important situation Immediately, even if they themselves don't bring up the specifics of their situation, i think it's fair to say "hey yall are lacking any empathy whatsoever to a survivor of DV who is a victim in this current situation, grow up and piss off."

on the flip side, if someone who's been through abuse is harassing people online and doing things like campaigning for them to lose their platforms and refusing to give any information as to why they believe this is necessary or provide any proof outside of "just trust me, they're bad bro" and cries that they're trying to do the right thing because they're an abuse victim...being an abuse victim does not excuse your current behaviors, many of which are enabling and/or encouraging abusive actions and telling people (such as abusers!) that your corner of the internet is a safe place for them to make baseless accusations (including towards their victims) as long as it's towards someone you don't like. which is, you know, fucked up and kinda abusive. i sympathize with the trauma that these people have been through, but bringing up your victimhood is not immediately relevant to the current situation and also doesn't excuse abusive actions.

i hope that made sense?

#abuse #the askers

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judasrpc · 24 days

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TIPS FOR WRITING COMBAT, TACTICS, AND / OR FIELD MEDICINE SCENARIOS PT. 2

Hello again! Coming out of the woodwork with my niche interests and hoping to pass along some information about writing things such as combat, tactical operations, and / or field medicine!

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, nor am I someone who has served in the military or law enforcement in any capacity. Any information in this post is gained from personal research in mostly internet circles. Some topics may be unsettling/disturbing, so please take care in reading.

You can view part one of this post [HERE].

Note: This part will be written more in-depth, as the sources I've pulled from are either no longer accessible, or from narrators I would not feel comfortable platforming due to their motives for sharing this information (e.g., anti-human rights individuals with qualified backgrounds). Knowledge is power, but we don't have to platform fascists in order to share it (* ^ ω ^)

To start this post off, I'll share some archives I've found since part one! This way, if you're just looking for resources and don't want to read something super lengthy, this post is still (hopefully) useful to my fellow writers.

Safety Data Sheets [Archive] - A collection of safety data sheets for what looks like various types of compounds, mostly based around industrial work (e.g., concrete mixes, roof coatings, etc.). While arguably not relevant to this sort of topic focus, I think it could be in the right scenarios, especially as sheets provide first-aid instructions, hazard classification, and details about specific compounds.

War Medicine [Archive] - Definitely a more historical reference (dated 1918), but published by the American Red Cross Society in France covering… war medicine. Includes various diagrams and topics.

Field Manuals and Technical Manuals [Archive] - A collection of field and technical manuals from various military services spanning across various decades. I believe most of these are U.S.-based.

Now, for the in-depth written information, placed behind the "keep reading" button.

CLOSE-QUARTERS BATTLE (CQB) / MILITARY OPERATIONS IN URBAN TERRAIN (MOUT)

CQB is typically defined as a short duration, high intensity conflict characterized by sudden violence at close range. MOUT is an example of a scenario where CQB may be applicable.

When in these environments, it's important for your character(s) to know how to navigate them. The presence of closer-knit buildings, various entryways, and populated environments means there's a lot of risk for both them and those around them.

As such, one of the founding concepts is entry and clearance.

There are many different ways to enter and clear rooms within a building, but the three primary types are as follows:

Conventional (aka: Strong Walling) - The leading individual "commits" to the room by stepping in with their full body, pressing their back to the wall opposite to the door's attachment, and using their upper torso to sweep the room with their light/weapon.

Lateral - The leading individual enters the room at either a 90-degree angle to the door (straight toward back wall of room) or a 45-degree angle (toward the corner opposite to the door).

Framing - Rather than step into the room, the leading individual peeks around the door frame and conducts their sweep from within it (think of them as using the door frame as a "mount" for their weapon, if they have one).

These can be conducted solo, or with a wingman.

A wingman is usually one other individual who stacks beside the leading individual, and uses an over-the-shoulder vantage to provide a secondary set of eyes for cover, while also being able to cover tasks such as opening doors.

Then, there's navigating environments as teams. With teams, there comes a need to develop tactics. With CQB in particular, there are two primary types of strategies:

Dynamic - Rapid movement and clearance; Your character(s) are likely in a high-intensity/time-sensitive scenario where speed is more important than safety. In these scenarios, your character(s) is/are more likely to clear rooms by committing with their entry and flooding in if in a team.

Deliberate - Slower movement and clearance; Your character(s) are likely still in dire circumstance, but they're able to take the time and prioritize safety over speed. In these scenarios, your character(s) is/are more likely to clear rooms by framing and entering one at a time to ensure all angles are covered.

But not every room is a perfect rectangle with wider-open spaces. Regardless of the structure, dead space is an important factor to consider for characters both outside and within these environments.

Dead space simply refers to the space that has not been cleared by the individual(s) entering the space. There are a few different types, including:

Anchored - The object creating the dead space is anchored to a wall, and thus prevents flanking. This could be a dividing wall, and certain types of cabinetry or other furniture.

Unanchored - The object creating the dead space is not anchored to a wall, and thus allows for flanking. This can be… any piece of furniture, crates/boxes/shelves, even certain installation pieces such as a 360-fireplace or showcase tank/terrarium.

Low - The object creating the dead space cannot fully conceal an individual/individuals who are standing, but could if they were crouched or laying prone. This could be things such as couches, tables with cloth over them, etc.

High - The object creating the dead space is elevated above the entry point. This usually, and pretty much only, includes things like stairwells, but it could include higher cabinetry if your character(s) is/are creative enough or able to navigate that.

Moving away from specific scenarios, there is something I've seen written a lot in fanfic and in rp spaces that I think would be important to clarify:

Do. not. attempt. to. catch. a. falling. gun.

I'm serious! In active combat, this isn't as applicable because your character's goal is (ultimately) to neutralize whatever threat is in front of them. Beyond that, though, your character(s) should never attempt to catch.

"But why? Wouldn't you want to stop it from discharging?"

That is why.

Yes, the firearm may discharge when hitting the ground… but in catching it, your character(s) may also discharge it. Unless they know for a fact they will not grab the area around or within the trigger guard, it's highly likely that a finger/fingers will slip into the guard and, due to the force of the catch, end up pulling.

The best practice, especially for a character/characters who are skilled with firearms and versed in safety practices, is to put the hands up and let it fall. Step back, find cover if possible, and retrieve the firearm after it has landed.

And again, I am not responsible for what y'all do with this info. Read responsibly, and stay frosty!

#rph #rpc #writing guide #tactical guide #guide #judasrpc

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twistedwriting · 21 days

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Azul Ashengrotto Character Analysis

I have many thoughts of Azul, yet not a single word comes to mind when I try to write them down but I will try my best.

There are certainly a few topics that are questionable or even judged upon the fandom, some also seem to forget that Azul is more than his contracts and his shady ass business. Some view him as manipulative while I believe he just saw stupidity in humanity and took this weakness of mankind and turned it against those who were foolish enough to not ask questions. Azul has never lied in his contracts, not a single time. He provided what he had offered and taken what he was entitled to take. Let's take the main issue of Book 3: The contract Ace, Deuce, Grim and many others had signed: Offering their magic for a study guide - If they'd make it to the top 50, they'd get their magic back. If not, they become the Sea anemones that are to follow Azuls every order. He provided the guide and it helped everyone who has gotten their hands on it - Did he lie? He didn't. All he did was *exactly* what people had asked - Nothing less and nothing *more*. And that is the exact point: He didn't give information if he wasn't asked for it. Or Yuus contract: He took Ramshakle, he provided what the Freshmen needed - He didn't lie. In fact, he offered more than he had to: The Potion. The twins interfered but was it against the contract? It wasn't. As I see it, Azuls contracts are much like the wish of a genie: If you wish, be most specific or live with the consequences. You don't want anyone interfering with your stealing? Should've said so, simple as that.

What Azul made the "Villain" was the naivety of those who signed their name on the contract.

But there's more of Azul than this. I think it's justified of what he does. People are stupid, people are naive but most importantly: People are cruel. Especially kids are worse than any demon from hell. If you're being bullied as a child or even up to being a teenager, you'll be emotionally fucked for a long time, if not forever. You'll become insecure of whatever you've been bullied of for something that'll feel like eternity. You want to avoid this very thing, no matter how important it is supposed to be in your life. It'll cause you to break down at some point just for you to pretend like nothing happened afterwards - Especially if you've built up the very picture of someone who's got it all together like Azul did. While he pretends there's no issue, I refuse to believe that he doesn't have an Eating Disorder. Being bullied for your weight as a child (which is - in his case - not even really justified since you basically compare an octopus to a fish. A comparison that is found in every sense of the equation) leaves a mark. A deep, burning mark. Avoiding mirrors, pictures, tight clothes or being seen by anyone without your clothes. You can't tell me he's willing to get rid of his childhood and not have an eating disorder, that he wants to pretend the little healthy octopus child didn't exist and that he can look in the mirror without suffering. It's Canon that he's strictly taking care of his weight - But it's also Canon that his favorite food is fried chicken, possibly the worst choice for strictly keeping your weight. A diet is all good and stuff but strictly starving your body of certain things will only cause mental distress.

I can see he's a sensitive soul, trying to hide behind the mask of sheer confidence and superiority. His only friends are the two weird guys who didn't leave him alone - Sure, they're not the best choice but having two eels by your side is better than being alone. Whether the relation between these three is toxic or not, they depend on each other - especially Azul depends on Jade and Floyd and by the way the twins reacted to Azuls overblot, I'm confident to say that they also depend on him. After all, they might "Can't stand" each other as they'd say, they still stuck around even though there are many reasons to be "like the others" and turn away.

There was something else I had in mind but it just won't come to me right now, so I'll leave it at that for now. All I'm gonna add is that I'd really like to hug Baby Azul and tell him that he's perfect the way he is. To be his friend and let him know that it doesn't matter how he looks like because no matter how much you Weight, if your nose is crooked or if you're labeled "ugly" by modern society, it's your heart and soul that is meant to be you; not your mortal vessel.

#disney twst #twisted wonderland #twst #azul ashengrotto #twst analysis

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sophieinwonderland · 4 months

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Let's talk about some anti-endo propaganda! Specifically, what I call the Source Gish Gallop

Here's Wikipedia's description of the Gish gallop.

During a Gish gallop, a debater confronts an opponent with a rapid series of specious arguments, half-truths, misrepresentations, and outright lies in a short space of time, which makes it impossible for the opponent to refute all of them within the format of a formal debate. Each point raised by the Gish galloper takes considerably more time to refute or fact-check than it did to state in the first place, which is known online as Brandolini's law. The technique wastes an opponent's time and may cast doubt on the opponent's debating ability for an audience unfamiliar with the technique, especially if no independent fact-checking is involved or if the audience has limited knowledge of the topics.

Now, with a Source Gish gallop, what you want to instead do is provide a massive list of sources and links that looks intimidating and credible, provide no context on how those sources are supposed to prove your point, and just expect nobody to bother clicking the links to check because there are so many and debunking them all will take too long.

Case and point:

Let's look at that first source from McLean.

Okay, cool... but "associated" doesn't mean "only comes from."

And later on in that article, it says it "most often" develops during early childhood in kids experiencing trauma.

The "most often" inherently implies that DID can exist without trauma.

What about the Psych Central link?

Well, it says DID has "strong links" to trauma.

And that it's "usually" associated with trauma.

Which, again, implies there are situations where it's not.

The Mayo Clinic source also uses the same "usually" wording.

I could go on and on with these but I think you get the point.

On my own blog, I share plenty of sources supporting the existence of endogenic plurality. When I do, I usually screenshot the most relevant points and then provide a full link to anyone who wants to investigate further.

The screenshot is to make it simple for the reader so they can see what the sources say and how it relates to the point that I'm making. And the links are to keep myself honest so people can fact check and make sure I'm not taking things out of context.

The point of sharing sources, for me, is trying to inform people.

When anti-endos provide huge lists of sources with no indication what those sources are supposed to prove, their goal is overwhelming your brain and your ability to reason.

They're expecting you to see a huge list, nod along, and decide that if someone has that many links to support them then they must be in the right. Even though those links are not only failing to prove their points but are actively contradicting them.

And as someone who genuinely loves science and psychology specifically... I find this use of "sources" to be deeply perverse.

Yeah, I said it.

You're taking science and using it in a way that's specifically designed to discourage people from reading it. You're relying on your audience being too overwhelmed by you posting a huge number of links with no context to ever click on any of them. Yes, this is a perversion of science, using these lists of bad links as a mean of promoting ignorance.

#syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #anti endogenic #anti endo #sysblr #multiplicity #science #psychology #psychiatry #plural #plurality #endogenic #systems #system #plural system #actually plural #actually a system

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bunny-j3st3r · 3 months

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The situation revolving around Frost-can-bite

I'm not the type of person to make a call out but the actions taken by this indvidual and just how far they went to keep up this facade can not be looked over.

This is more of a warning for anyone who may ever have the pleasure of interacting with them in the future.

Under cut is the explanation

EDIT: I don't want to bring attention to this situation by reblogging this and adding on things to it, so it feels easier to edit with additional info that has come to light.

I do not want them chased offline, do not harass them either this is to only bring awareness so people, adults specifically can block them.

They did things to me and my friends that was fucked up and it is only recently we have realized things they did was uncalled for.

Please just approach them with caution, they still are allowed to have a space here but not within adult spaces.

I was told by someone that they had remade these two accounts are what we know off, I have blocked both of these accounts as well as ppl who were affected by him.

If you are in the smile for me fandom and see them trying to engage with adult content just block them and move on.

around three months ago I made a TADC server for adults only, it was a public server made by me and a friend as a space for adults as many current discord servers cater to minors and adults, I was aware of lot of adults felt like they didn't have a space for themselves.

In enters Frost.

Frost at the time had told us they were 19, even providing ID evidence so of course we weren't going to question it, we trusted them.

Over the past few months many of me and my friends became inceadbly close to Frost, we discussed parts of ourselves to them that we've never really shared.

Frost was even the first person I opened up about just how bad my mental illnesses are, we dicussed nsfw topics with them, we had drawn nsfw with them and even provided them nsfw art and fics.

In those few months we all cared for Frost so much that we considered them a close friend to everyone, I had even had plans to ask them to mod the TADC server with me as I had just had that much trust and faith in them.

And then a few days ago the news all came stumbling out.

A situation arose and out of nowhere Frost told me they were in fact not 19, that they had gone far enough to photoshop there own ID just so they could gain our trust. They were 15.

They were 15 pretending to be 19 in an adult server so they could see nsfw content.

Not only that but many other adults had jokingly sexually flirted with Frost and they had flirted back, as we assumed of course they were 19.

I didn't know how to respond, I just didn't believe it at first and I was dissocitating as I began to inform my friends. It felt like I wasn't even there, that I was looking at someone in a dream and that I was going to wake up and tell Frost about the very silly dream I had, and I kinda still feel like that now.

Not only did they lie about there age but they also tried to implicate two people that I will not name in there actions. Only when I caught them in that lie did they admit to not telling the truth and that these two people had nothing to do with it.

I'm not sure what there thought process for that was, I don't know if they were trying to drag them down with them or what?

Many of us still feel very numb and I can't speak for everyone but I know my trust has been completely and utterly shattered that I don't know if I will be willing to accept people outside of my social circle for a very long time.

I'm making this post because Frost decided to delete all of there socials, including discord informing me and only me they were deleting.

So after I tore through them I made sure everyone else got there say in before Frost tried to run away with there tail between there legs.

They don't seem to be fully aware what there actions have done, all they get away with is running away and knowing people are angry at him, while the rest of us have to deal with these lingering and disgusting feelings we've been left with.

For three months, he could of at any time admitted the truth, but he continued to engage in nsfw content, even engaging in conversation about why minors should not be in adult spaces.

The disgust and the hurt I feel over this is just... I don't even know, I've never felt so angry and violated before and that's saying something.

Although they have deleted I'm making this post as awareness.

We think that Frost may decided to try and come back once they think the heat has died down under a new account and I am posting this as a warning to any adults with adult fandom servers to PLEASE be aware of this person in case they decide once again to lie to worm there way into spaces they don't belong.

We have been violated and our trust broken and we've been made to feel like groomers because Frost wanted to see porn.

I will be posting this as a link in my pinned post.

So Frost if you are seeing this, I don't care how sorry you are, what you fucking did was unforgivable and I refuse to let you do that to another group of people.

We think Frost may reappear under any username with either the word Frost or Berry in it.

Frost also does not like to reblog a lot but they do like to mass like posts (not sure how helpful it is but you know.)

Frost also has a very distinct style that can be caught out easily if you think they are trying to get into an adult space.

I will post an example below.

Frost's white board style.

As you can see they have a very distinct art style and the same for there regular art

PLEASE

PLEASE be aware of these styles or names they might be under, please do not allow yourself to build up a close connection like we did.

Frost I don't think I can ever forgive you, I wish I had never met you and the only good thing that fucking came out of you was that I made friends with someone amazing and you absolutely do not deserve them.

I hope for your fucking sake we never see you again.

Edit: I am still mad at them, I still don't want them near me or my friends.

They can have there space online still, they can do whatever the fuck they want but they need to leave adult spaces alone.

Frost if your poking around on another account, seek help, please get acutal help.

I am not saying this in a mean way I am saying this in a hopes you realize how you treat all of us was fucked up and you can learn and maybe not treat your friends the same way you did to us.

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p-i-r-culture · 2 months

Text

! PLEASE READ THIS POST ALL OF THE WAY BEFORE INTERACTING !

---

Terminology and Definitions

Problematic in recovery - a term used to describe a person who's considered "problematic" in online spaces (eg. Tiktok, Youtube, Tumblr, etc.) and is wishing to end their problematic behavior and rehabilitate. A majority of these people who identify with this label struggle with some sort of mental illness that may have contributed to the behavior and/or their behavior is how they got the disorder. Many of us have also experienced trauma of some sort and used problematic behavior as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Note: this does not excuse the actions that were done, if someone is doing something they shouldn't, hold then accountable in a way that is beneficial to both you and the person being held accountable. This label was made to address the issues that cancel culture has created over the years, and how those issues have affected people negitively.

Problematic (in terms of online behavior) - having or showing attitudes (such as racial prejudice) or ideas (such as falsehoods) that are offensive, disturbing, or harmful, in this context, it occurs while in online spaces. While the exact cause of this behavior is unknown, a lack of understanding of social cues and norms can play a role, alongside exposure to inappropriate content at a young age that may alter the person's beliefs, and other forms of trauma. Some people who are deemed "problematic" often describe it as an addiction, once you start, it's difficult to stop, though regularly scheduled therapy and medications used to treat the mental illness that is causing the behavior in question can help.

Cancel Culture - a cultural phenomenon in which an individual deemed to have acted or spoken in an unacceptable manner is ostracized, boycotted, shunned, fired or assaulted, often aided by social media. Popular examples of this are the cancelation of Yandere Dev, Melanie Martinez (a recent one), and Vivziepop, along with many others. Originally, cancel culture was used to put an end to dangerous behaviors and to hold celebrities accountable for their harmful actions since the media would often allow their behaviors to go on.

Unfortunately, cancel culture doesn't take into account those who are struggling with mental illness or have neurological disabilities that may impact how they handle specific situations, and as a result, it leads to ableism and stigma, and cancel culture is also rooted in bullying and harassment, which may make the problematic behavior in question worsen and deter the person in question from seeking help and/or changing their behaviors, and in worst cases, it leads to the person taking their own life.

Simple answer: It's anti-recovery and pro-harassment.

For more information on how cancel culture can impact someone, I recommend checking out this video by BreDrawz, as she does a very good job as explaining this topic and how harmful cancel culture can be:

youtube

Why this blog?

When I first discovered that my behaviors were considered problematic, and infact were hurting people, I wanted to put and end to it, and all in all try to make myself a better person. Unfortunately, with the rise of Cancel culture, I and many others haven't been able to get the resources needed to make the necessary changes to myself, and this, combined with the already existing ableism I've faced since I was a child, had unfortunately caused me to frequently relapse, further pushing the stigma and worsening my mental health.

It eventually got so bad to where I had begun to contemplate taking my own life, and it was only because I discovered that I infact was redeemable that I didn't do it.

On my journey to recovery, I had discovered that I was not the only one dealing with this, as many others had been dealing with the same issues I was, and that made me feel less alone.

I hope to provide that same feeling of community through this blog.

DNI (DO NOT INTERACT)

Anyone who fits into these categories: Ableism (especially against neurodivergent people and anyone with "evil" mental illnesses, such as NPD or BPD), Racism, Sexism/misogyny, Homophobia/ transphobia, Antisemitism, Pro-genocide of any kind, Nazis and Neo-Nazis, pro-"life", or any sort of discrimination that I haven't listed here.

People who justify literal bullying as "criticism" (seriously, it never helps, there's a difference between actual criticism that can help someone and bullying)

Personality disorder Abuse believers (eg: Narcissist abuse believers)

People who make mental illness look like a quirky trend (Eg: saying "bpd = beautiful princess disorder", "I'm so OCD" etc.)

Anti-recovery (especially when it comes down to mental illness)

Cancel culture participants

About the Blog Owner

Hi there! My name is Luca(s) Krager, but you might know me as Nozomi Kaizoku. I'm a 17 year old AuDHD and BPD content creator. My pronouns are he/they/it. I'm most known for my artwork and contributions to the Tony Crynight community

For more bout me, here is my main blog! :3

@nozomi-kaizoku

Other blogs to check out if you're interested!

@borderline-culture-is

@narcissist-culture-is

@/aspd-culture (they have asked not to be tagged in this post)

@cluster-b-culture-is

@hpdcultureis

@autismcultureis

@adhd-culture-is

@ndcultureis

#problematic in recovery #pir culture is #problematic in recovery culture is #p-i-r culture is #cancel culture #pro-recovery #cluster b

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highpriestessaset · 11 months

Text

Pick an image: allow your intuition to guide you in your selection.

NEO 🕶️

[Superpowers:]

Patient, sees the bigger picture or different perspectives, inquisitive, hard-working, looks to long term goals or delayed gratification, adaptable

[How to use:]

These skills help you to see eye to eye with other individuals and species. I see someone who is caring and eager to understand how another maneuvers throughout their life. Where many would be fearful or judgmental, instead, you are curious.

You may be interested in marine biology, veterinary duties, care giving, or anything that allows you to study, interact, care for, or capture the beauty of life- whether it be plants, animals, humans, etc.

[Message:]

It seems like a dream you may have is put on hold due to financial concerns. It feels that a fixed mindset may be at the root of the issue. The message for you says that utilizing a growth mindset will bring you a lot closer to achievement.

(Click here for resource.)

————————————————————

TRINITY 🕶️

[Superpowers:]

Leader, has a good sense of direction, bold, initiative, innovative, independent, free-spirited, energetic, playful/fun, light-hearted, innocent

[How to use:]

These skills help you to travel or maneuver around situations that may be difficult. It seems like you have your own level of inner peace you are able to maintain by knowing when and how to go at things alone.

[Message:]

You are fully capable of capturing some sort of entrepreneurship or self employment opportunities. There may be some confusion amongst yourself or from outside voices with opinions about what you should do.

The message for you is to release the expectations of others and any you have placed on yourself that limit your options. This may look like going along with a loved one’s vision for you that you may not be passionate about. Whatever those expectations are, in releasing them, you give yourself permission to take a risk on your own idea that can make YOU happy and provide financial security.

Let go of the fear of failure, let go of the “what will they think”, let go of the thoughts that keep you from making any moves at all. Life is a journey of discovery- discovering what we like or don’t like. Even when we discover things we don’t like, that is information that brings us closer to knowing ourselves. Use your superpower of maintaining your inner peace to step away from negativity and simply discover yourself.

————————————————————

MORPHEUS 🕶️

[Superpowers:]

Intuitive, intelligent, thoughtful, truth seeking, assertive, advocate, wise, private or reflective (introverted), health conscious

[How to use:]

I see someone fit to be some sort of an educator, speaker, writer, influencer or advocate for a cause. The Star card shows me that you are passionate about freedom and peace.

Someone specific here may be interested in justice/law by advocating for people wrongly incarcerated.

Another specific person here may be interested in advocating for body acceptance and/or health related topics. Sharing your story can be powerful.

[Message:]

The truth speaks for itself. When you communicate, it is important to remove the ego. We can speak on what is true for us but, we cannot force anyone to believe anything. If what you say resonates with another, they will be interested in hearing more from you.

The message here says it is important to remove the ego because at times, it makes it hard for others to listen. Your messages may be powerful but they can only impact those who hear AND receive them. Let go of the need for others to hear and receive your messages WHEN and HOW you want them to. Remember, the truth speaks for itself.

*Readings are for entertainment purposes only.*

-// Blessings 🌺

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doberbutts · 1 year

Note

Hi, I've been following for a while and have seen a lot of your posts that mention systemic barriers that transmascs face, among them being blocked from reproductive health care due to their documentation being filed as male. This concerned me a lot, so when I spoke to someone at my trans healthcare clinic recently to obtain assistance with legal name & gender change, I brought it up as a reason I was considering a change from F to N instead of F to M.

The case worker I spoke to told me that for pretty much all the major insurance companies now, the systems have been updated with codes to allow providers to flag a patient's file as essentially "this person has a uterus and needs associated care." Which enables them to access the reproductive care they need regardless of their gender marker. He specifically said that there can be cases of human obstruction, where the insurance representative/their manager decides to cause problems and block access, but the electronic system itself is no longer a barrier.

Further, for incidents where it's a person being bigoted, there are legal protections (on the federal level, according to my case worker) that allow the clinic to essentially threaten the insurance company into behaving itself, using the assistance of local legal aid orgs.

Obviously in certain states those legal protections may be compromised, and if someone doesn't have access to a clinic that will go to bat for them OR the legal aid needed to follow through, that would still be a barrier. But it's not absolute in all places.

So since it was a concern for me in my transition decision making, I figure it could be for someone else too - and I wanted to ask if you could possibly post this so other people could see it. That way, if someone else has seen those posts about reproductive healthcare access, they don't assume that they would be barred from legal transition on that basis. I don't want to undermine the completely valid points of the original posts with a "WELL ACTUALLY this doesn't happen everywhere" reply, and I also feel it's important for other transmascs seeking legal transition to have access to the same information I do - knowledge is power. My own blog has negligible reach, or I would simply post this myself.

If you don't feel comfortable with that, though, I completely understand. Thank you for your time.

See, you say that, but then when talking to my endo about this exact topic, she told me she had a couple people (both MtF and FtM) who were stuck in this exact legal and insurance loophole. I am in a sanctuary state going to one of the best gender clinics within my sanctuary state. So... no, I really don't trust it.

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deviantartdramahub · 4 months

Note

Hello, I'm Jasper Rolls, the subject of previous posts on this blog submitted by monstermaster13 (hereafter referred to as Nathan because I don't want to write that username 400 fucking times). I would like to make it clear that I would rather be doing literally anything other than this right now, but since Nathan has apparently made it his mission in life to try and mess with mine in any way he can, I'd like to clear things up where I can. I'll be going over the events of the story chronologically, in a sort of abridged cliff notes version, and then picking up on specific points that Nathan submitted in his telling that I feel are worth addressing. Apologies for the length, this whole stupid affair is just...like that. Believe me, I'm trying to be as concise as possible. A lot of the stuff described has since been deleted since Nathan frequently removes stuff he later realizes is potentially embarrassing or makes him looks bad, but we have evidence of a number of things in here which I can try and provide if necessary.

Doing this chronologically means addressing the grooming stuff first, which is largely irrelevant to the "current" drama, but since it's been brought up I have to mention it. Put simply friend of mine, Bernnyx (hereafter referred to as Bernie), befriended Nathan in 2012, when she was around 13 or 14, and they engaged in roleplays focusing around themselves transforming into characters from Tim Burton movies. How does this function as grooming? Well...

Nathan has in the past described transformation, and specifically transformation into Tim Burton movie characters, as a fetish he has, and one that he greatly enjoys. "Fetish" and "love this particular fetish a lot" are the exact terms he has previously used to describe this interest, which indicates that he considers content of that ilk sexually gratifying, since that's what a fetish means.

Bernie had their age listed on their profile, which indicated they were a minor. In addition, Nathan once publicly posted a screencap of his DeviantArt settings on Twitter, which indicated that his year of birth was 1973. Unlike Nathan, I'm not here to criticize what a person finds sexually appealing - if there's a trait Nathan and I share, it's an interest in transformation, so being critical of that would be throwing stones in glass houses. However, given the information that Nathan has chosen to provide himself, it seems to indicate that he was nearly 40 years old when he was engaging in roleplay involving a topic he considers sexually gratifying, with someone he was fully aware was a minor. Unless he was just specifically blind when reading the age part of a DeviantArt profile, I don't know.

There's every chance that the year of birth that he put into DeviantArt is one he made up for whatever reason. I don't know for certain. If Nathan ever wants to clarify his actual age and clear this part up, he is more than welcome to, but the fact that he hasn't after all this time is curious. Surely, it would be so easy to disprove.

For the rest of this story we have to skip forward to 2020. While Bernie and Nathan still mutually followed each other on DeviantArt, they had drifted apart and not directly spoken for some time. For various reasons, Bernie chose to deactivate their DeviantArt account, and prior to doing so, politely requested that Nathan remove them from a "DeviantArt Family" list he'd made. Nathan claimed her reasoning was "dumb", but complied. Later the same day, checking in on Nathan's account to confirm that he had done what Bernie requested, Bernie discovered that they had been blocked. Shortly after, Nathan uploaded a short story synopsis very clearly based on the prior events, with the names changed, as well as a short rant written in character as one of his OCs, in which they directly name Bernie as the wrongdoer, and transform Bernie into a Pokemon as punishment for the crime of not wanting to talk to Nathan anymore.

This is where I get involved. I had been mildly aware of Nathan for some years as he had frequently commented on and favourited my work on various art galleries, and was a fan of what I did. Prior to this point I had considered him strange but largely harmless. However, the vindictiveness of Nathan's actions in this instance struck me as highly unsettling, and I chose to block him as I did not want someone who acted in this way towards a friend of mine to interact with me any further. I did not directly speak with him during any of this. I was, in retrospect, rather naively hoping that the block would speak for itself.

Nathan reacted extremely negatively to the block, posting a rant in which he assumed that I had blocked him for being fatphobic. I have never accused him of of this, and if it was a trait he had, I wasn't aware of it and it played no part in my decision to block him. Judging by his comments in the time since, however, he has since chosen to wear this particular boot with aplomb, considering the venom with which he criticizes my After Dark Twitter account, which is his prerogative, I suppose.

From here, Nathan repeatedly tried to get into contact with me any way he could, begging for my forgiveness and asking me to unblock him. He repeatedly attempted to add me on Discord, sent unwarranted messages to any account I hadn't already blocked him on, and when he ran out of those, he started sending messages to my romantic partners, as well as any previous romantic partners he knew I'd been involved with and any friends he thought would have my ear. This resulted in no shortage of embarrassment for me as I had to repeatedly explain to the people in my life who Nathan was and why he was contacting them. The entire time this was happening, Nathan was also uploading various journals along the same line of asking forgiveness, as well as at least one original character bio (since deleted), very obviously based on his experience with me. At the same time, he obsessed about Bernie leaving him like he was a heartbroken former lover (despite the complete lack of personal interaction for years), and ranted angrily and offensively about another friend of ours who he highly disliked, and who he blamed for "stealing" Bernie away from him.

We all tried our best to ignore Nathan's actions, even as he actively attempted to get us punished through moderation channels for the crime of upsetting him by establishing boundaries against him (including once attempting to report Bernie to the Discord subreddit). Really, there's so much shit he did that this story would get even more disgustingly long than it already is in this truncated version if I tried to describe all of it. I cannot impress upon you how much he would not fucking stop trying to get into my view as much as he could to harass me, demanding that I unblock him because he considered himself completely innocent of any crimes.

Eventually, I responded to him via an ask here on Tumblr, which is I believe the sole time I have ever directly interacted with him, making clear exactly what my grievances with him were, and that I wished for him to no longer contact me. Nathan ignored this and still kept trying, although his tone shifted from apologetic to self-hating instead, where he admitted that everything I had stated was true, although at various points he attempted to pass the blame for these actions to various alter egos or characters he has invented.

After this, I and my friends elected to once again go back to the policy of ignoring him as much as humanly possible, an act which Nathan was seemingly determined to test. For a solid year afterwards, he continued to harass us in ways that are largely similar to the above and would belabor the point to describe in any detail - the only point of note is that he eventually shifted his tone from self-hating and apologetic to venomous and hateful towards me. Clearly he decided at some point that actually he'd never done anything wrong, and we were all just meaninglessly hating him in all his perfect innocence. This eventually lead to a sequence of events in which, mere hours after one of my partners suffered the loss of an extremely close family member, Nathan chose to send a hateful message to a side blog I had neglected to block him on, adding to my already considerable emotional stress at the time.

This, combined with a number of other things that I don't have the time to go into detail about (but considering you've had multiple submissions from Nathan where he describes getting into fights with literally anyone and everyone, I imagine you have some idea), led to us deciding that we needed to make a document detailing what exactly had happened, because we considered Nathan to be an active danger to the community we were in. Additionally, we were sick of him lying about what happened between us. We had said extremely little on the matter publicly prior to then, while he had been posting every day about his rewritten version of events where he was completely innocent of any wrongdoing. The document in question was posted in July 2022. While most people in my circle online are now aware of Nathan and what's happened with him, Nathan leveraged various moderation tools to get the document taken down, and it can't be read publicly anymore. We still have copies of it and all the evidence of what I've been talking about contained therein, so if you would like more direct proof of any of this fucking nonsense, then it can be provided, but I won't be posting it publicly as Nathan will probably do the same thing again given the opportunity.

Since then, we have, of course, tried to go back to the policy of ignoring him, which for the most part I've succeeded at doing, and would really, really, REALLY rather continue doing, since every time I see hide or hair of Nathan I feel sick, and I'd rather not feel that way. However, every 4-5 months or so, he's ended up floating into my vision since he is intent on stalking me across the internet, harassing me wherever he can, and talking shit about me and my friends, telling a highly biased and skewed version of the events to anyone who will listen. Most recently, I believe he is responsible for trying to sign one of my e-mail accounts up to various random forums and websites with usernames intended to embarrass me. I would very much like him to stop harassing me, and if he must spew his bile, I would rather he kept it to his own blogs and accounts, rather than trying to slander me publicly or directly try to harass me like this. Unlike Nathan, who seems to have all of time to yell incoherently at me online, I have a life, and a job, and friends I would much prefer to engage with rather than having to deal with his continued persistent harassment.

That's a rough overview of the events. As mentioned, I have pretty direct evidence of most of the stuff I've discussed here so if you need that then I can provide. Now to discuss some of the more specific points that Nathan has discussed.

"And it gets worse, Jasper very much did this too. He dedicated more than a few posts to me for the past couple of years, oh yeah sure dude…i'm the obsessed one, says the person who is still mad about something that didn't even concern him until he got involved himself."

I post about Nathan maybe once or twice a year, if that, when his repeated continued harassment gets so out of hand that I have no other outlet than to vent frustration about it publicly because I am sick to fucking death of him continuing to force himself into my life. When I do so, I tend to mention him in broad terms that do not directly name him. I can't exactly prove a negative, but the only accounts I know Nathan actively uses are his DeviantArt and FurAffinity accounts, and I have absolutely no interest in seeking out any of his other accounts because I would rather be witness to Nathan's existence as little as humanly possible. Nathan, in comparison, whenever I've had reason to check, seems to post about me and what I do daily, covertly following every account I use online and ranting on his own accounts about how much he hates everything I say and do, no matter how benign. I believe this should be somewhat self-evident from the posts he has submitted to your blog, in which he has described actively stalking any account I happen to post on with regular activity, including my Bluesky, Letterboxd, and Storygraph accounts. He posts about me plenty on his own accounts too, and with comparative venom - and when he stops doing that, he makes AI generated knockoffs of mine and others work, because he is apparently completely void of creativity.

"In the document that was made about me one of the writers behind it either Jasper, Bernnyx, Baeksangeo or Gavin said they used the Anonymousdevi account to accuse me of being transphobic…"

This is an incredibly bizarre point Nathan has repeated several times over the time since the document was posted. This incident involved another person entirely, who directly stated who they were in said document and described the events in first person. Nathan seems to have gotten incredibly confused by this and believes it was actually me, Bernie, or one of our other friends using a pseudonym. I don't know why. His belief that they deserve a callout is just plain strange considering they had this one exact interaction with him and nothing else.

"I am sorry dude but you don't have the right to speak for all gay men or the LGBT community at all."

Actually I do, sorry. Cry about it. [THIS IS A HYPERBOLIC JOKE]

"I rarely talk about what happened regarding him and me on my posts or even in my deviantart page (despite the accusations), so i very much just try to ignore the guy."

This is an absolute lie. As I have described, Nathan stalks my accounts and posts angrily about what I do in specific detail with extreme, nigh on daily frequency, from what I've seen whenever I've come across him in the wild and checked in on how he's doing. His claim that he "rarely talks about me" and "tries to ignore me" could not be more of an outright fabrication. The only way I can figure him seriously believing this is that he considers the daily rants and harassment as being not him, because he posts them in character as one of his OCs - therefore, it's not him stalking and harassing and ranting about me, it's one of his characters. I'm sure you can agree the difference is negligible.

That's everything I have to say. I have no interest in discussing this further with Nathan. I and my friends merely want to live in peace and enjoy our time online, something Nathan has seemingly dedicated his life to attempting to ruin. I ask that he please do literally anything else with his time other than spend it harassing and stalking me and my friends for years on end. Thank you.

All noted. A classic chain of two sides bringing things up the scale after one's mistake. There is no shame in two sides in a conflict where nobody is perfect to consider/acknowledge such.

Having seen everything, if Nathan is reading this, if he may ceasefire in return for the other side wrapping up their own open-fire, as well as look down on how he may have challenged TOS (unspoken norms are unspoken norms but TOS is TOS when it regards that, and maybe the other side went against TOS), I would prescribe the conflict be considered having ended. What say he?

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powerbottomblake · 2 years

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ok I finished my rewatch here is the S1 recap brought to you by my brain juices having been put in a blender after that. I will tell you guys, rewatching S1 after watching S2 is so incredibly rewarding this show is just. really good!! it is!! now here are my various disorganized thoughts:

shannon's death scene is so much more hard-hitting on a rewatch. the way when she's being carried she asks for mary then reaches for her is so incredibly intimate she's surrounded by her sisters but she wants mary at her side and the ensuing goodbyes are very much heart-wrenching and there is NO way to read shannon/mary as not romantic especially since we later get hints from everyone that it was pretty much an open secret? everyone knew their relationship was special. props to the cast for delivering such an emotional scene that comes this early in the show (the tear falling from beatrice's face to land on shannon's as she kisses her forehead and says "I'll miss you, sister" is just. Cinéma. Filmé)

the way it is stressed time and again that resurrection is something the halo provides specifically for ava. there's also the way there's a direct parallel with areala bc they're both the only warrior nuns to have received the halo AGAINST their wills and I think you could say resurrection happened for areala too which is very interesting and very neat (the way these two bookend the cycle of warrior nun being fed into the church killing machine)

the way it is basically textual that vincent was the drunk driver that caused ava's accident and that is INSANE. they're both at the center of how the trajectory of their lives was fundamentally rewritten and they're both the cause that sets them on their path. vincent becomes her father figure and develops genuine affection for her and he fills a place in her life that has always been empty before and this really sets the scene for their S2 interactions.

on the topic of vincent there are so many scenes where he stands around in apparent deep meditation and comes afterwards with answers or a set course and those are literally the moments he gets his visions/messages from adriel and it happens right under our noses and we're none the wiser!! you only catch it on rewatch

ava's bisexuality is hinted at so early like literally the first person to hit on her and offer her a drink is a girl!! and then when she escapes the cat's cradle she says "I'm gonna make love to" pointed look at a girl "someone" like it was there right at the beginning

JC is the best person to have a first lay with! I am a person who subscribes to ship having to be each other's true loves not necessarily their first loves and JC was safe and harmless enough for ava to explore things that were denied her in her past life (sexuality, desire, infatuation) bc in the grand scheme of things JC does not matter. and ava subconsciously KNOWS this. ava is never 100% vulnerable or open with JC and not just bc of, you know, the supernatural things happening around and to her constantly but even the most basic information abt herself she withholds for a LONG time. JC is very interesting thematically bc he's what ava thinks freedom looks like and what she thinks she wants but absolutely not what she needs (which is basically what she explores all throughout S1). He's an uprooted vagrant person not beholden to anyone but his own whims but that means he never develops any significant bonds there's no purpose and no real belonging with him. Hell, he leaves his partners of 18 months for ava who he met a week ago. His entire character is based on leaving whereas ava wants, deep down, someone who will stay for and with her. all throughout.

the vincent monologue at the end of episode 1 hits different on a rewatch "prophets are hard to come by in these times" and he went and fashioned himself into one!! this whole things has been him trying to find a type of salvation that the church does not offer him!! especially since he's haunted by who he was in the past and when he joined the OCS he thought maybe this darkness is a demon that can be exorcised and confronted that it was in fact all him he wanted a miracle powerful enough to banish that very darkness. adriel probably sensed that vulnerability in him and came to him in visions using that to get him onboard

mary's whole s1 arc is basically that tough action guy whose wife gets killed and he goes on a rampage to find out who did it and why. she's a female john wick. which. again. I am puzzled by the fact that shannon and mary was apparently not written to read as romantic?? my dearest people you WROTE it that way. you tapped into the romance tropes.

lilith is somehow both an eldest daughter (derogatory) and a middle child (derogatory). and also a bitch and a delight and I love her so much

JC. repeatedly. and I say. REPEATEDLY. offers ava moments of vulnerability where he opens up abt himself and his life and ava offers NOTHING in return. ava is extremely guarded even as she wants him and only offers up her story when she has to and even then it's mostly to distract him from asking questions abt who the people after her are. and that's juxtaposed with how ava, after that very painful moment with mother superion and being offered comfort from beatrice, legitimately opens up to beatrice almost instantly there. Beatrice hugs her once and ava is like I spent 12 years not feeling anything below my chest I didn't kill myself I have a very complicated relationship with nuns and thus catholicism bc I wasn't treated well like the contrast there is mindblowing.

bringing me to my next point: ava instinctively: 1/knows beatrice is safe, 2/knows she is safe with beatrice, 3/ wants to trust beatrice SO BAD. and she wants intensely, for beatrice to believe her and (then in the back end of season once they're paired up) to believe in her

ava fleeing the OCS is done so well bc in 24hrs she gets put through mother superion's psychological warfare, then she hears abt the previous halobearer who I'm sure she was picturing as someone of a certain age then sees the picture and realizes shannon died young, then she goes visiting the murals of the cat's cradle and all the warrior nuns are pictured young and fighting demons, constantly, AND THEN she reads that part abt how areala died her second death YOUNG too. she gets hit with the reality of this fate, the danger of it, the certainty of a death that'll come sooner rather than later as she's appointed humanity's champion while having to fight horrors beyond a normal human's comprehension constantly. ofc my girl bailed. it's all done so very well everything that has to do with ava's arc is insanely well written

jillian calls beatrice "a petite member of the clergy" when she sees the footage of beatrice taking out an entire security team and that is SO FUCKING FUNNY. imagine calling beatrice petite to her face

on that topic beatrice's hallway fight gets projected to a room full of journalists and I am obsessed with that. did she go viral on the internet were there memes abt ninja nuns going feral

all throughout when something happens that pushes against the Norms and Rules beatrice will question it and it can come off as cold but really it's bc Beatrice strives on structure!! if she has to step outside the bounds of it, it better be righteous and worth it. like when she asks if vincent is intent on not giving the halo to lilith and keeping it within ava and he says yes her first reflex is but lilith is next in line. but the politics. this isn't to say beatrice was FOR killing ava like the moment she hears it could kill her she's NOT down to take it away from her but everytime the Order of Things is challenged Beatrice has to be walked through as to why. and if it's WORTH it. which oh boy the way this ties to her S2 arc makes me slightly insane bc ava comes barreling through that structure and beatrice says yes. she is worth upending my whole world for anyway-

Which is NOT to say that beatrice will take well to any kind of authority you actually have to earn her respect otherwise beatrice has. absolutely. zero chill. the tone she takes with duretti who's the fucking CARDINAL. from VATICAN. a pope HOPEFUL?? she is polite yes but curt and cold and very much flirting with impertinence like duretti tries to seduce her into his clique the way he did lilith and it fails astronomically and she basically tells him to go fuck himself?? to A CARDINAL?? DIRECT OVERSIGHT OVER THE OCS?? FROM THE VATICAN??? "you may always count on me to remain faithful. to God." and did you call him a power hungry whore too did you give him the finger beatrice???????

anyway I miss this show so fucking much

#warrior nun #this is a mess of jumbled thoughts it's here for safekeeping #wn S1 recap #might do another post abt supes/ava bc my god. what a layered relationship #and a dedicated JC vs beatrice post bc that specifically drives me insane

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aspd-culture · 1 year

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@brandon666

First off, you have some *really* inaccurate ideas of what ASPD is. Do you think we can survive in the world acting like you expect me to act? Far more often, pwASPD appear detached and callous rather than actively hostile the way you're saying. We aren't 12 year old kids on Xbox Live voice chat, * s p o o k y voice* we are all around you. You wouldn't be able to pick most of us out of a crowd, even if you had direct interaction with us. In fact, a running joke here and in my real life is that people often tell pwASPD "don't worry, I can sniff out a s*ciop*th a mile away" or similar not realizing they're talking shit about us to our face.

There *are* pwASPD who are still entirely valid who act the way you're saying - and also plenty of prosocials who behave like that too. But it isn't all of us, all the time. Most of us are capable of and maybe even prefer to be cool, calm, and calculated about how we speak and act because of the trauma we have.

Unlike people on TV like Dr. House, there are real life consequences to the behavior you describe, and many of us strive not to be happy, but for life to be as convenient as possible. Kinda hard to get convenience while you're pissing everyone off. Ever heard the part of ASPD where they mention we are manipulative and charismatic? Yeah that isn't exactly compatible with being crass, careless, pranking, or offensive. Careless actually specifically bothers me because we are often said to "play a social chess game" with people we talk to. Many of us are extremely calculating and overly cautious. And many of us aren't, but it certainly isn't like you're saying all the time. Even pwASPD who *do* act like that usually are calm and "respectful" sometimes.

Also, I never claimed to be unmasked on this blog. Most of the time, I am absolutely masking to some degree - although much less than IRL. You can actually see that in the tags, I use "a rare unmasked aspd-culture" as a joke about this fact. Whilst this is a safe place for other pwASPD to unmask if they'd like, my posts on this blog are different. My side of this is helping educate people - prosocial, antisocial, whoever - if/when they have questions for me about ASPD which is fairly frequent. This isn't to say I am not ok with unmasking here, like I said it's happened before, but consider the context of what's happening.

I'm often asked genuine questions about ASPD, some of which are ableist (almost always on accident!) and many of which are based on extremely common misconceptions. If I were to unmask while answering those, I would end up being really shitty to people who are trying to learn - often people who want to do better for the pwASPD in their life, or for themselves. We talk about coping mechanisms and the development of ASPD a lot here; with those topics there is little room for my unmasked behavior *and* education. If I were to unmask while answering, no one would be getting anything out of asking those questions even if I was providing info because it's hard to take in new information from someone when they're being defensive or hostile.

I don't want to be hostile towards them, I want to help because if ASPD is ever going to be destigmatized, someone has got to answer their questions and help show them what it is and what it isn't! We can't expect prosocials to fend for themselves in the cesspool of stigma that the typical google results on ASPD show - someone has to help them. And since one of my special interests (something autistic ppl like myself have and love to infodump about) is mental health, especially my own disorders, I am happy to be one of the people they can ask these sometimes tough questions to.

I am also helping pwASPD! Many questions I get are people trying to understand their own disorder or the disorder they think they might have. It sucked for me, learning this all on my own (and I'm still learning too), so I can use the cognitive empathy I've taught myself over the years and remember the feelings I went through when I was trying to find unbiased info.

There's a transaction here - a major part of ASPD if you didn't know - I calmly and respectfully answer people's questions, and the world becomes slightly less ignorant and we get a slight amount of progress on destigmatizing this disorder. That makes my life easier too. In the process, I see many culture asks that remind me I'm not alone in this. Often, posting those gives me some catharsis, and you will sometimes see me going off in the tags about what I've dealt with. But for the most part, I'm giving other pwASPD an open space to unmask as well as to ask questions to someone who will, 95% of the time, give a masked and respectful answer. Friendly is a stretch tho lol unless you missed the original post about the syscourse that you commented this on.

So yeah, long and short, you're definitely missing something here and that's ok. Just learn and do better. I know you might see that as another thing that is flying in the face of ASPD or whatever, but it's no skin off my back if you think I have ASPD or not, and anyway I'd rather you just learn and maybe next time someone says something like that to/around you about ASPD, you'll have the knowledge to correct it. Spreading info is an exponential situation - once I tell you guys things, some of you will inevitably tell someone else that, and so on and so forth until a good handful of people now know things about ASPD they didn't before. If not, oh well. I got to infodump and see relatable posts that made me feel seen.

Either way, it's been, and hopefully will continue to be, a net positive. You are absolutely welcome to keep this dialogue going if you have questions, want clarification, are enraged that I gave you a calm response, whichever. Even if you don't get anything out of this, someone else seeing it might.

I'll really fuck with you now - I genuinely hope you have a good day.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome #tw sociopath

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