#sometimes I forget that I’m not having a good time in my living environment.

[blueish-bird]

love and peace to you, today I’m practicing the tumblr ritual of saving everything to drafts to reblog later because I’m currently lacking in self to express

[carmesi-butterfly]

I would like to request thoughts on first boyfriend Yujin, him being so sweet, shy and scared to meet his gf’s paterents🥹but they live him, it’s like their son

I MELT JUST IMAGINING IT 😭 this is my first time writing about yujin so im sorry if it didn't turn out good t__t

yujin would be so nervous :( being completely quiet, if it wasn't because he was sitting beside you on the table, and because YOU BROUGHT HIM TO YOUR HOUSE you would probably not know he's there, try to find the 5 differences between han yujin and a statue!!

your parents found him so cute from the start <3 when he presented himself on the doorstep as soon as he arrived.

“hello mr, mrs…” said softly, feeling so small and cornered in his spot made him forget what else he could say ㅠㅠ your parents’ faces brought him back to reality and that's when he noticed the lack of information in his presentation, poor yujin was so ashamed, his first impression to his girlfriend’s parents was completely ruined! but no, he's gonna overcome this situation. yujin is not letting himself look like an idiot in front of his in-laws. “i’m han yujin, your daughter’s boyfriend, it's a pleasure to meet you” finished the sentence with a tiny smile, making your parents feel cuteness overload, you could feel your mother melting only by your boyfriend’s presence.

“it's a pleasure to meet you too, yujin!” the grown woman said with a warm smile, welcoming her son-in-law into her home.

“i’m glad we finally had the opportunity to meet our princess boyfriend,” added your father, giving your partner a few pats on the shoulder.

“sweetie, please bring him to the table! your father and i will be bringing the food” with this request both your parents left you two alone in the lobby and went to the kitchen.

“see? i told you everything would be fine” your words were accompanied by small jumps of happiness, and your hands searched to hold his in an attempt of comfort <3 you could feel your boyfie’s nerves over this important moment, it was so cute…

“i almost ruined it,” said in an undertone, his gaze down to your hands interlacing your fingers together.

“you didn't ruin anything, don't be silly” your commentary made him smile, “okay, let's go to the dining room”

with enthusiastic words, you dragged yujin to the dining table, and now we're back to the present where he was TENSE and it was obvious to everyone, he always replied to every question your parents did, not as an interrogatory! they just want to know the pretty boy you brought home :3 but it was clear that his anxiety and nerves were still there, so your mom pulled the super move!!

“i’m so happy to know that a boy like yujin is my daughter's boyfriend! as parents, we sometimes were scared that she might end up crossing with the wrong people. but now that you were introduced to us, i’m glad to say that i have nothing to worry about” confessed happily your mom.

your dad nodded cheerily, “where did you find a guy like this?” joked adding some fun to the dinner and making the minors laugh.

those words succeed in the task of relaxing the child han yujin! your mother's sweetness mixed with your father’s funny comments made a comfortable and relaxing environment for the young boy who now felt like part of your family ㅠㅠ <3 of course, it would take more time for him to get used to this new dynamic in your relationship, but with such lovely in-laws, it wouldn't be that hard :D

[waywardcrow]

Timeless.

Chapter V.

Summary: 1943. 1975. 2024. Three different decades, three different lives, three different times your life and Bucky's interwined; he lost you twice, will he do it again?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader.

TW: It can change each chapter but themes of Bucky as soldier in WWII and as the Winter Soldier in general, lots of feels, a little bit of angst, fluff, two cuties pinning after each other, 40’s!reader is mentioned to be named Beth but that changes for 2024 version of her so I nicknamed her little bird for Bucky, Ace for everybody else, this will be a +18 story so minors dni.

Disclaimer: Please remember english is not my first language so if I make a mistake or forget something let me know.

Pictures from pinterest and graphic and dividers by the amazing @ firefly-graphics so all credits to the creators.

Previous chapter <;<<

Harper sent you the most astonishing suit you had ever seen.

The color complimented your skin tone, the cut was clean and highlighted every part of your body you liked; she left a note on top too.

“This is your new beginning, Ace, go get them.”

It made you smile, still you didn’t wear it, the suit was too expensive. Your choice was one black plain pencil skirt, white blouse and simple heels. Your makeup and hairstyle wasn’t too special also, you wanted Pepper Potts to see what you were capable of beyond your fashion choices.

After making your way to the tower and making all the procedure, you met your new boss.

“Maria is going to give some training and we can get some things done as we start working together” the ginger woman said behind her desk, you gave a nod and she smiled “relax; you’re going to do great.”

You didn’t know how to relax; it wasn’t in you to be able to do it.

Maria Hill, an intimidating but efficient woman, made you sign a confidentially contract which was fine with you, you were given an enormous pile of information that made you believe you were not qualified enough for this.

“Thank you miss Potts- Pepper” you rectified, giving her a list of her things to do “miss Van Dyme is coming after lunch to discuss your partnership with Pym industries and Dr. Stephen Strange asked for an appointment tomorrow too, you have your daughter’s teacher reunion at ten so maybe after it could be a good time”

“It’s perfect, Ace” the happy tone in her words made you smile. After being so long stuck with someone who only made you feel stupid, it was nice to have some reassurance.

You both went about your day and the familiar environment of the office setting helped you to focus instead of losing it, you were working with the Avengers! Your folks barely believe it when you called them, in all honesty you almost couldn’t believe it too.

The day was easy, probably because Pepper wanted you to don’t give up and when you least expect it, it was time to go home.

“Are you sure miss- Pepper?” you asked for the millionth time, obviously going home before midnight wasn’t usual for you.

“I’m completely sure, Ace. Please go home and rest, tomorrow we have a great day” not very convinced, you did what she say and after saying goodnight you took your things and walk to the elevator.

When the doors opened your heart raced in your chest.

Sergeant Barnes smiled at you when you entered the elevator, giving you enough space between your bodies.

“Are you ok, miss?” his smile faltered and you tried to look less like an idiot.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just tired” you lied “I didn’t see you all day”

In the moment your words left your mouth, heat rushed to your cheeks, what the fuck were you doing?

“I was working on something with Sam, he can be a pain in the ass sometimes” he explained without making evident how dumb you were being. The doors opened again and he walked with you to the entrance “are you going home or-?”

“Home” it was a whisper under the city noise but he could hear you perfectly.

“Maybe I could drive you there, if you want” it sounded crazy but he almost looked shy, like you were about to reject him. For a moment, the memory of your dreams about that boy smiling at you in the moonlight came back.

“Yeah, I’d like that”

It was the right answer, his face light up and it took you a second to remember how to breathe.

Bucky directed you to his car in silence which was a good thing because your head was a complete mess, what were you doing? There was no way you could deny you felt attraction towards him but it wasn’t like you were the only one, the man was breathtaking so you were just reacting to that, it was a complete different story to think something could happen between you two.

He opened the door for you with the same politeness he let you walk first out of the elevator and your hands shook a little. It was nothing, he was a gentleman, he came from the time gentlemen were a thing, for all you knew he probably had a beautiful girlfriend waiting at home, ready to welcomed him with mind blowing sex and plans of a future together.

Being the silly hopeless romantic you were, the thought made your heart ache.

“Did you forget something at the tower?” he asked again when he started driving, Bucky looked a little concerned about you so you tried to smile.

“I’m fine, sorry, just leave me near the next subway station”

“Why would I do that? You are not going to the subway and not at this hour, little bird, it’s too dangerous” Bucky was too affronted to realize his mistake but you weren’t.

“Little bird?”

For a moment you could see how his jaw clenched, like he was scolding himself but then it was gone and he gave you a boyish smile.

“It’s ok if I call you that? Just felt appropriate, you’re sweet and small and I don’t know” he shrugged before the light turned green and then you didn’t think about anything else but how perfect it sounded that nickname in his voice.

“I’m obviously small next to you Bucky, you grew up like ivy around a stone house, don’t ya think?”

The most melodic laugh came out of him and you weren’t in his car anymore, instead it was a tent surrounding you and the chill of the autumn air around you.

You started bickering like you knew each other all your lives, he asked you about your day and then you asked about his and what had him so busy with Sam which led to something very interesting.

“Alright, in my defense I don’t go around looking for old ladies to charm” he defended himself after telling you a story about a bingo night in Louisiana with Sam and a very nice old lady who gave him her number.

“You’re a heartbreaker, Bucky Barnes” you told him holding back your laugh, he was so cute when he was all flustered, you could swear you saw him like this before.

“I used to be”

He stopped in front of your building and the sad tone in his voice made you want to reach for his hand to comfort him, despite that your hand stayed still.

“I’m pretty sure you still are, maybe you don’t find the right lady yet”

His sky blue eyes found yours, making the air inside the vehicle heavy with unspoken words. His gaze never left your face; he looked like he was fighting with himself.

“I did find her, actually” Bucky finally said and your hopes crashed against each other.

“Oh” was everything you could say.

“In the 40’s, she was… she was gone shortly after I disappeared” his voice was barely a whisper but you could hear him perfectly being that close, this time your hand closed around his.

“I’m so sorry Buck” your jealousy was long forgotten, a silly crush was nothing compared to losing someone like that, when the details of his pardon were made public they said that he was believed to be dead when in reality he was captured a second time by Hydra, you couldn’t imagine how it was for his lover to lose him twice when he was alive and suffering and for him to lose the woman he loved with everything else that monsters took from him.

A heart crushing pain that was always there hit you, your soul aching for both of them, for the young soldier Bucky was, for the woman who surely waited until her last breath to see him again.

“Please don’t cry little bird, I didn’t mean to make you cry” he wiped your tears with his hands and your skin felt hot at the contact, why were you crying? God, he surely would think you were an idiot or a fake jerk.

“I’m fine, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying” stopping was impossible but Bucky didn’t look at you like you lose your mind, instead he hugged you, rubbing circles in your back. His scent of leather and mint made you close your eyes and start to relax.

“Everything is ok little bird, you’re fine, I’m fine” he mumbled against your hair.

Taking a deep breath, you calmed down and put some space between you two.

There was concern in his beautiful face and that was normal after your behavior but there was also something more, something that made you both move towards each other before a honk startled you, making you fall from his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Barnes, I don’t know what happened to me” you apologized, taking your purse before he could say anything and getting out of the car to your department.

You didn’t stopped running until the door closed behind you.

Tag list: @cjand10 @bunnyforhim @cookingdancingchick @moon-light1928

Next chapter >>>

Hiya! I know it's a small chapter but I was not at my best these past days but here we are, tell me what you think! And if my tags work! Please.

Love, Lily.

[letters-from-dekarios]

{The parchment is handmade- it smells faintly of mushrooms. You know instantly it's from Lillium, your druid partner. While you have been preparing lessons for your eager students, she has been hunkering down in the underdark. Researching the noblestalk, and spending time with the myconids- the first time the two of you went down there you practically had to pry her away from the colony of mushroom dwellers.

It's a relief to hear from her.}

Beloved,

I am alright. Attempts to propagate the noblestalk have proven difficult. I have not quite figured out the proper substrate preferences to procure it on the surface. It does not respond to the language of soils' song at all, like other fungi do.

Sometimes I think I have taken on this holy grail-esque task because I dread returning to the humdrums of daily life. You have taken to your teaching job so...fluidly and in a way I envy that. This fools errand was not for the good of anyone except my anxious mind.

After what we have been through- it all seems so minute. We have seen so many many things...killing that *thing* somehow felt easier than becoming part of the bustling daily livings of Waterdeep. Something about watching the city from the tower sends pangs through my chest ringing ,empty, empty, empty.'

I apologize deeply Gale. I am taking my samples with me and bidding goodbye to the myconids tomorrow. I will miss them dearly, but it doesn't compare to the ache in my chest when I turn in my bedroll and you aren't there nestled in beside me, holding me close.

Please forgive my weakness, I'm coming home. I love you more than anything,

~Lillium

My loveliest Lillium,

I’m elated to hear from you. I am ever encouraged to know you made it there safely, though my heart aches for the disappointment you must feel with your current struggles. Perhaps we could research some spells that might be able to simulate the Underdark’s conditions in a small, controlled environment when you return. In fact, that makes for a perfect lesson! I’m sure the minds of the young will have much more fresh ideas on the matter than I do.

My dearest, do not take my transition back to normalcy so lightly. You forget that this has always been my nature, ever since I was a child. Your attempts are far from futile, and I respect the lengths you go to so you may answer the questions of your heart. This, your “fool's errand”, is your daily living.

Things have changed, yes. I doubt I’ll ever feel the same as how I did before the infection. It’s impossible to achieve, so don’t try. Reaching for something far outside your grasp will only bring your mind more harm, my love. Ease into what you know and do best. You have a keen eye for the nature of things both literally and metaphorically. Take that by the reins and challenge your most nagging desires.

I would never tie you down to a place that leaves your heart longing for more. Perhaps we can have a more thorough discussion on travel plans when you return. As prideful in my teaching expertise as I am, I know my students are safe in the hands of other Wizards for a week or two. I want nothing more for you and us than happiness. If that means adventure, you know I am all the more welcome to it. However, I’d like to avoid adventure that deals with head specimens and the threat of worldwide extinction, if possible.

I will wait by the door every moment until your return, my dearest. Do not be saddened for having left your studies, but be joyous you began a new chapter of research to expand on. Be safe, my love, I long to hold you in my arms once again.

Your love forevermore,

𝑮𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔

text reads: gale dekarios

[autism-alley]

augh found my old post abt pjo and disability from before the show came out but it was on ye olde blog so i’m literally just gonna copy and paste, 3, 2, 1—

ok now that i’ve got it on the brain, i want to talk about disability in pjo and specifically how calling percy jackson dumb or treating him as such is not only a mischaracterization, but ableism. as a quick note, i’m keeping this to just percy to avoid having this already long post be even longer, but there are other disabled characters in pjo worthy of discussion, though i hit many of the same points in this post. i bring up percy specifically because he is mostly the character i have seen people treat as stupid.

percy is a dyslexic teen with ADHD who comes from a low-income family, raised by a single mother, and deals with an abusive step-father. i cannot stress enough how much of his character is shaped by that experience, but as hard as it is to single out any one part, i am going to focus on his ADHD and dyslexia. this kid has nightmares of being forced to take tests in a straightjacket as teachers ask him if he’s stupid and withhold him from recess with his peers. he is constantly labelled as “troubled” and blamed for things he didn’t do or aren’t his fault. he is told, over and over again, even from trusted adults, that he is “not normal” (othering him). he bounces between schools. he struggles to make friends. he deals with bullying. he has difficulty studying and reading, even when invested. teachers struggle to connect with him and tend to just give up on him. these are real disabled experiences, and rick does a good job at presenting them in the pjo books. sometimes, it feels like everything is a struggle. you are living inside a system that not only is restricting, but actively works against and punishes you.

in contrast, CHB is a great example of how when environments meet the needs of disabled people, it hugely changes how disabled we are in that environment. demigod brains are hard-wired for ancient greek, not english, and they’re born impulsive, with high energy levels that help them survive battle—but aren’t very good for a classroom setting. but by having them read books in ancient greek, regularly do lots of training/physical activities, and have genuine opportunities to express themselves...they function pretty damn well. percy discovers that while he struggles academically, he is brilliant in combat and capable of saving the world numerous times—he is a hero. do you know how important that message is for disabled children? disabled adults, too? that we can be heroes?

it is here, in camp half-blood, that percy finds a place he belongs, that shows him his worth—finally, somewhere is built to not only include him, but to nurture and genuinely prepare him for the world outside its boarders. however, i think people forget that just because percy functions in the world of CHB and the gods, that does not mean he doesn’t face ableism in the mortal world—and that there is an entire group of people who see ourselves reflected in his character.

i could talk on for hours about how much being disabled shapes percy’s identity and how he interacts with the world—like how percy’s humor revolves around coping with his environment and actually displays a very low self esteem after being looked down upon his entire life. this kid doesn’t even have to say anything and he screams i had a neurodivergent childhood. but about 5-6 years ago, when i was more regularly tuned into the fandom, every time i saw someone call percy jackson dumb or an idiot, even jokingly, i raised an eyebrow, and now that the series is getting fresh coverage from disney+, i have wanted to make this post. so much of this kid’s life and personality comes from being treated like he’s dumb or incapable, so it’s troubling to watch part of the fanbase reflect the harmful parts of this character’s upbringing. i truly hope it does not become common again. it’s also one thing coming from a neurodivergent/disabled person with similar experiences (and even then i personally find it a little uncomfortable), it’s another to be said by a neurotypical/able bodied person.

percy jackson’s experiences make for very important representation, and for people to characterize him as just a goofy, unintelligent guy is not only an insult to his character as a kid who is intelligent, but previously lacked the environment to show it, but also ableist. so in the dawn of the new tv series era, i ask that we cut that shit out. rick riordan did not create rep for neurodivergent and disabled kids for them to be called stupid by the fanbase. even jokingly.

[muldermuse]

Halloween Party... or a cat nap (Fox Mulder X Reader)

Another fic for the Muldermuse October Writing Fest!

This started as something v different and finished as something dumb...i just <3333 cat dad Mulder- my heart is full

if u have fox mulder ideas send em through my lovesss <3

OK so you’re at a Halloween party with your friends maybe like a week before the 31st bc u know being an adult is difficult and no one is ever free at the same time and u need like 2-3 weeks to organise a single drink so you’re all like halloween drinks on the 27th!!!!

you’re not properly dressed up, you’re wearing a tight black dress with some fake blood covering your neck and some fake fangs. tbh with a make up wipe your entire spooky look would be gone but Fox thinks you’re the spookiest/sexiest thing he has ever seen (he nearly makes you late because he can’t stop kissing you goodbye)

He tells u if u can’t get a taxi to call him immediately and he’ll pick all ur friends up and drop them all home BUT u insist that you’ll be fine and then you’re out

Fox is left alone and whilst he’s definitely going to miss u, this week has been a lot and he is very much looking forward to lying on the sofa, with a beer, a blanket and a horror film on the TV. He hums to himself as he gets the living room ready, ensuring that everything he needs (extra snacks, his glasses and a blanket) are all within his grasp so he doesn’t have to leave his comfortable position again

He turns the TV on and as he is flicking through the channels he hears a small meow at his feet, he goes to look down and ur cat Boo is just staring at him. Sometimes Boo is so quiet and calm, u both forget u have a small feline housemate/child (and then she screams at 3am whilst sat on your chest)

Boo meows and tilts her head at Fox, “Mom is out tonight so it’s me and you. I’m planning on watching some movies and having a nap- do you wanna join?”

Boo meows again as Fox pats the space next to him, she looks at him blankly as he continues to pat the empty spot. “Boo c’mon you’re making me look like an idiot…and it’s only me and you here”. She meows quietly and turns around to wander around the house. “Okay...whatever” Fox says to himself, placing his glasses on his face as he turns the volume up on to watch The Exorcist.

***

Fox feels his head start to drop a few times, he is no longer paying attention to the film and he knows he’s about to fall asleep. He repositions himself to get comfortable and suddenly feels the weight of a cat on his stomach. “Oh, finally decided to join me?”. Boo chirps softly in response and curls into a ball on Fox.

Boo falls asleep before Fox and watching her small body rise and sink with her breathing makes it harder for him to not doze off. The small buzz of the beer in his veins, the twinkling fairy lights and the comfort of the sofa all become the perfect environment for an evening nap. 

***

You’re not drunk, maybe a little bit tipsy but honestly you’re impressed at how sober you feel. You thank the taxi driver and get out of the car and practically run to your front door- sometimes you feel lame about how much you miss Fox but fuck it, love is beautiful and all that soppy stuff.

You can hear the TV playing softly in the background and the unmistakeable sound of Fox snoring in the front room. You smile as you kick your shoes off and pad slowly into the living room and there he is- what a sight.

He’s fast asleep with Boo in a tight ball on his chest. Fox’s snoring hasn’t disturbed your sometimes skittish cat and, as ever, she looks content when she is asleep on someone. You press a soft kiss to Fox’s forehead, feeling him begin to stretch as he opens his eyes “hi handsome, have a good sleep?”. As Fox starts to move, Boo looks at you and yawns, stretching her body and then jumping off Fox as if she had not just spent the past few hours dozing with him.

He hums and asks what time it is as he reaches to bring you to him, “come lie with me-please”.

“Let’s go to bed, c’mon Fox” He gives you his best puppy eyes and pushes out his bottom lip, you roll your eyes and side in next to him on the sofa. He wraps his arms around you and kisses your head softly, “did you have a good night?”

“Yeah it was okay, everyone looked very spooky” He laughs into your hair, “Did you and Boo have a good Halloween party?”

“I mean... it was less of party and more of a cat nap but it was still good"

[deerbornintuitive]

Autumn Messages Pick a Pile

Hello, and welcome to your autumn spirit message. These are mini-readings about what you need to be made aware of for this season. I’m Deerborn, energy medium & tarot reader. I use my intuition to help when you need guidance, feel stuck, or want to understand yourself at a deeper level. All messages are always meant for your highest good. Please note that my readings do not serve as medical or legal advice; I am not liable for how you use the provided messages. If you enjoy your reading and would like to leave a tip, tap here. Book personal readings here.

Are you ready?

Take a moment to look at each of the 3 images. Take a few deep breaths. Ask your Spirit Guides for help if needed. Allow your intuition to guide you.

Which will you choose?

When you’re ready, scroll down to your pile. Thanks for reading!

Pile A

Ace of Pentacles & 10 of Wands

This season, you're being presented with a new beginning. There are going to be multiple opportunities for you to grow and expand in exactly the ways you’ve been dreaming of. If you've been working on manifesting something, this season is when it will come to be; and it may not take the form you’re expecting. If you feel blocked with this, make your manifestation intentions less specific. Sometimes we can make too many guidelines for the Universe, which makes it more difficult for things to align. Because Pentacles often represents finances, there’s likely to be some unexpected money coming in. This could take the form of a gift, finding money tucked away. or a raise, or booking higher paying commissions/gigs. Spirit wants you to know that what's coming for you will require some hard work, but nothing you can’t handle. It will be a matter of listening to your body and honoring when you’re getting tired so you do not burn out. Persevere, and you will see amazing things come out of it! You're strong and capable. Reach out for help as needed, please know you don't have to do it all on your own. There are people that will be glad to support you and see you grow! Happy fall, friend!

Pile B

7 of Wands & The Hermit

This season, you're going to be met with some challenges. These don’t always come from your environment; they can come from within. I’ve often seen 7 of Wands in regards to self limiting beliefs, comparison syndrome, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, even anxiety, ocd, etc. Your Spirit Guides want you to know that they’re always supporting you to overcome these obstacles, whatever they may be. They provide their protection and healing when you need it. Remember, they cannot interfere with free will, so if you need assistance, you must ask them. If you have trouble receiving their messages or energy, try using an intuitive tool, like a pendulum, oracle or tarot cards, runes, etc. Spirit also wants to remind you that your inner guidance will best lead you. When you feel like you're fighting against the current, take a time out to tune into your inner wisdom. Find sanctuary so that you can gain perspective before jumping back in. If you’re moving through a difficult or dark time, be careful not to isolate too much. This will exacerbate feelings of loneliness, sadness, anxiety, negative self talk, or any negative energy. Allow yourself time alone, but do not forget we all need some support. Happy fall, friend!

Pile C

4 of Pentacles & The Lovers

This season, you're doing your best to hold onto something, likely resources and money, but this could also simply be referring to your energy. You’re budgeting something, being mindful and aware of the needs of your future self. By saving or holding onto things, or energy, it gives you a better sense of control, and maybe control is what’s really needed right now. Spirit wants you to know that while it's wise to save for the future, you still need to live. Be careful that you aren't completely shutting yourself out from the world in order to watch your budget (financial, energetic). Instead of completely restricting yourself, make smart choices on where your energy or money is going. Time with friends will be a great way to have fun without spending too much money. Or, treat yourself, no matter how small, to some self care. Use what you have on hand. There is a way for you to come into balance without feeling restricted. A path toward harmony is available to you right now. Trust that the Universe has your back. If things feel stagnant, look around you to see what can be let go of. Maybe it’s time to go through your home and donate some items. Happy fall, friend!

[bettsfic]

I’ve been thinking a lot about mindset when it comes to approaching a story.

For a lot of my stories I approach certain reactions as “what would I do”. But the story isn’t about me. It’s about these fictional people that I’ve dreamt up and need to feel real to tell anyone authentic story. I feel like sometimes as a writer my head isn’t as deep into my characters as I would hope BUT when on the rare occasions it is—my mind is consumed by the character I’m writing and I don’t want it to stray out of fear I’ll loose the realness of my character. But I also need my mind to calm down to actually live life.

But this only ever happened a few times.

How do I go about forgetting myself when writing and get consumed by the protagonist and scene instead of being cognizant that I’m just typing words on a blank page and adding my subjective input into my stories, even if it doesn’t align with who my protagonist is?

this feels like two different questions: how to develop character depth and how to find a state of immersion/flow state. those two things are definitely connected but i don't think they're one and the same.

in terms of forgetting yourself/getting consumed by a character, i don't think it's something you can force, although crafting a good character certainly helps. it's not so different from acting, insofar as you can get into the brain of someone else for a while and think their thoughts.

which goes back to the other part of your question. in all honesty, a great many writers can only write slightly varying iterations of themselves, and that's all they ever want to do. and that's okay. part of the beauty of prose is that you can discover states of being outside your own experiences, and i believe all states deserve to be written about. the idea of a writer creating a self-insert character or basing a character on themselves has never bothered me. so much of the work of writing is putting a mirror up so you can see yourself from a different view.

but that's not what you asked. i intend to write a newsletter at some point about character depth but the gist of it is this:

a person's identity only really has two parts: attitude and behavior. in other words, we have the things we do, the way we physically interact with our environment; and we have the way we feel about that environment or what we think of it. this is kind of the fundamental tenet of research psychology.

logic dictates that attitude controls behavior. you think something, you do it. you believe something, you act within those beliefs. but there's also cognitive dissonance, which is when behavior affects attitude. the classic example is that if you have two people do a simple task, and compensate one person but not the other, the unpaid person will have a better attitude toward the task. in other words, in lacking payment, a person can be compelled to feel internal satisfaction to justify having done something meaningless.

when crafting a character, you can consider things like, in what ways are their attitudes in conflict with their behaviors? if someone considers themselves deeply loyal but also cheats on their spouse, it creates conflict, and conflict creates story. the story becomes, how would someone who sees themselves as loyal be compelled to cheat on their spouse? and more importantly, what has happened to them to make them this way?

here's another example. let's say you have a character who gets punched in the face. getting punched in the face is painful, illegal, and just generally a huge bodily violation. logic dictates there will be a negative reaction to this. maybe a character cries, maybe they get angry, maybe they punch back. but what if they didn't? what if they took a punch and had no reaction to it at all? what kind of person wouldn't react to getting hit? someone who's used to it. and there's a story there, of what has happened to them to make their reaction go against our understanding of a normal response to being hit.

i write self-inserts sometimes, but i like to write them from outside their point of view. i like to make myself the romantic interest. and that sounds narcissistic, i know, but i've gotten a lot of great character inspiration by asking myself, what kind of person could love me? what traits would they have to have to fit with my myriad glaring flaws? and the opposite: what are traits i often love in others? what are flaws i find endearing rather than abhorrent? i'm a very practical person, so someone who values that about me might be whimsical. i'm very in my own head all the time, so someone who values that about me would probably have a lot of other relationships, and that might mean they're outgoing and friendly. i tend to take everything too seriously, so i'm drawn to playful people, and exceptionally playful people can sometimes be a little immature or naive.

of course, people don't fit together that neatly, and in the ways they don't fit together, you can develop interpersonal conflict which will potentially create character growth.

all these dynamics can be seeds of inspiration for a character, and when those seeds spring from the self, i think it's a lot easier to reach that state of immersion you described.

the first time i wrote an opposite self-insert, my POV character turned out to be kind of a sociopath, because at the time i didn't have a very high opinion of myself. the second time, after a bit of recovery, i was able to find a softer kind of person. and as i've continued this experiment, what i've found is that over many revisions of each individual story, the characters become their own as i begin to understand their histories and motivations, and what ways their lives deviate from mine.

i have many more thoughts about this subject which is why i want to devote a whole newsletter to it, but hopefully it was at least a little helpful.

[notariahere]

my safe place (yasuo x reader)

a/n: literally he is my comfort character and i feel so much better when i see him like for real. i love him sm ):

(alternative universe/modern-today’s universe)

tw: trauma, mentions of abuse, r*pe etc.

your life was so depressing until you became 18. growing up in a toxic household was something that you really needed to escape from it. when you turned 18, you officially left the house and you lived in your friend’s house. you were so much happier but yet you have a traumatic experience through your life. you were so overwhelmed about all of that but now you are feeling more good but all you wanted was a male figure. someone that can protect you…

it was a bright day today, 3 hours before the sun was setting. you were walking through the street, took a ride and went somewhere far away from the city. you went to a hill with grass and you sit under the tree, watching the sun setting while listening to music until you heard a strange male voice:

“you’ve always been here?” he asked, you turned around and you saw a tall man, with basic fit, headphones on his neck and his long ash white hair tied with ponytail. he looked so attractive. “uh sometimes when i wanna feel like im in another dimension, i always go here just to forget about everything i’ve been through” you answered, afraid of telling to a stranger about the reason why this all happens “can i sit with you? and just talk, you seem an interesting person” the stranger says “yes you can, by the way i’m y/n” “cute name, mine’s yasuo”

an hour passes and your eyes never stopped looking at him. even though he is older than you. his voice was so soothing that makes you feel safe and then there’s the time that you have to vent to him to talk about all your emotions and experiences “well, i told you im 18, i turned 18 three months ago and then decided to leave my house forever and im so happy that i left in this toxic environment. i have been through a lot with my parents. my mom especially. she was overprotective and made me close to myself more and hating myself more and then there’s my dad abusing me and he…”

flashback:

“leave me alone! let me go!” you said to your dad while he was touching you in your private parts “little girl you always wanted that… so imma give you what you want” you were only thirteen… and you had no choice…

“i lost my virginity by my own father when i was thirteen… my mom didn’t believed me when i said it and when my dad said it she was happy that i am a woman anymore and makes me disgusted… makes me feel that i don’t want a man anymore because of my father..” you couldn’t stop crying and yasuo noticed that. he took his hand and wiped your tears. “oh y/n… i’m so shocked by what you said. that made me disgusted too. but listen to me, if something happens, don’t hesitate to call me. i need to be friends with you.” he seems like he is the right person to trust and feel safe. you hugged him tight and he hugged you back more tightly. you were nonstop crying. you really needed the hug from a man like him. maybe it was the miracle. “thank you yasuo for trusting me.. you are an angel” you finally let him go and you guys were looking into each other’s eyes. “y/n i want to be more than just a friend. i need to be the man who loves you truly and can protect you from everything. i need to be your lover” you just met him but you trusted him with all of your life. like a soulmate kind of type..

his lips were on yours now. it lasted minutes and it was an innocent yet passionate kiss. “will you be my boyfriend? i really want to feel how love is and im sure you know what love is.” “of course my love. i promise i will protect you and show you what love is. i love you y/n” you blushed, and you were ready for this beautiful journey with him. he picked you up and left when the sun was already down. “uh.. yas where are we going?” “to my home.” he said. you were excited about living with him and he was more excited to show you the things you always wished for.

a/n: i love when i write a ff about how much caring and comforting person yasuo can be (; brings me comfort. hope y’all like it. bye 🩷

[granulesofsand]

hi there ^^

i’m a polyfragmented system and our partner system is not. we have about 3/4 couples in a relationship between systems (so 6/8 people). my system has been going through extreme blurring and amnesia for about a month now. apparently some people in my partner system have been asking to see their significant others in my system, and… everyone who’s fronted recently on simply plural hasn’t heard anything about it. someone in our partner system made the comment that “it’s like you forget we’re in a relationship” and i’m afraid alters who aren’t aware of the system are fronting and leaving, therefore not updating our simply plural or talking to our partner system.

do you have any advice on this, or managing the amnesia? much appreciated ^^

We do have some tips for those, though we’ve never had a cross-system relationship.

A system journal helps us with communication between alters, and building that habit has successfully formed a fragment near front that gravitates towards it. Unaware folks usually follow the pull, and the first page is all about our system and current external life. We keep that page open if we’re in a safe environment. Our amnesia collecting of notebooks allows us to have one to carry with us and one to leave in our living space, and all have the same first page.

The journal isn’t a quick solution, and might not have the same effect for you&. If you& don’t have one already, try a high-visibility summary (explaining you& are a system, why they’re unaware, and where to find safe contacts and an agenda) on a sticky note or several.

Gently prompt them to contact your& partner system, and give them a few script options to start with if they do (one with an introduction, one asking for guidance, one subtly allowing them to get to know whoever’s on the other side).

The redirect to the agenda (one on our phone, which has a widget on the first screen, and a matching one on paper or a whiteboard) keeps unaware people on course to wherever we’re meant to be, and we have more notebooks for both classes and daily life. The notebooks all have first pages asking people to write whatever they would want to know, and we can afford to keep so many because we buy the cheap ones in the school section of the grocery store.

On a particularly switchy day, we write reminders on our hands in pen. Whatever you find relevant, sometimes seeing it encourages unaware folks to do it too. We usually write room numbers, bus routes, and agenda items with times.

If these people might be stuck in trauma (or are otherwise not oriented to outside life) write on your& hands a reminder of the present. We use System Speak’s NTIS (now time is safe, for alters who are feeling trauma time) and SET (safe enough time, for alters who are contending with now time threats), which is on the back of journal page one. If those don’t fit, consider writing the current year, or just “we are safe”. Replacing words is also important if there were double meanings when they were around.

When you&’re blurry and aware, open Simply Plural and scroll. Look for familiarity, even if it’s more “I feel humanoid” than “that one is me”. Write down whatever you notice about yourself, and if it’s someone new, they can get to know themself. Journal is a good bet, but also notes app or scrap paper if you& can keep those on you&. Looking at those notes later can help form connections, whether that was someone you& have logged or not.

I’d also recommend you& talk to your& partner system about what’s going on, whoever is around to do that. Remind them of your differences, reassure them that their partners still care about them, and maybe draft some ideas for how they can support you& (how they should respond if unaware folks reach out, how to be safe people for whoever is around, building connections with those alters).

I know all of that is pretty standard, but making plans and getting comfortable executing them is how you& find stability when times are rough. It’s already turbulent, but try it out and see if it works. Maybe something will stick, and you can always try again when you’re more prepared. I do recommend the agenda and the partner conversation if nothing else, and I hope at least those will have an immediate impact.

[sleepydelights]

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if

25: My idea of a perfect date

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

oop i didn't think it was so many sorry

Wow! Don’t be sorry nonnie I’m happy for the attention and distraction from packing ^.^

7. Yes, but they’re all simple, black, and family related. I’m itching to get a number of new ones though.

8. Haha yes, I want a beetle in the crook of my arm so when I open and close my arm, the elytra open revealing the wings beneath. I want a 747 wingtip to wingtip, elbow to pinky. I have a number of finger tattoos I want; bone outline on the back of one hand. I want my entire left leg to be beautiful vibrant flowers, each representing an important person to me. There are so many more tbh but that’s a start.

12. I am married and poly. I’m not actively seeking, but then that’s never been my style. My wife landed in my lap 10 years ago by luck. I tend to deal in extremes so if I’m honest I never dated much at all. Just pined.

13. Biggest turn ons? It’s hard to rank them because they all have different effects but I guess decisiveness, intention, and calmness.

14. Turnoffs? Gah it’s so situational and I never know when something is going to give me the ick. I think willful ignorance is number one. Like if someone sends a message with my pinned word but the message contains unsolicited sexy roleplay, I’m immediately squicked. Like brother (it’s always men in my experience) you read it but did you -read- it? That’s a lame example but yeah ignorance and boundary pressing behavior.

15. Favorite movie. I get so much shit for this all the time but it’s Armageddon. Bruce Willis was in his peak imho in 97 for The Fifth Element and in 98 for Armageddon. It’s a stellar fucking cast- Steve Buscemi, Liv Tyler, Michael Clarke Duncan,Billy Bob Thornton, and there’s also Ben Affleck and Owen Wilson. Yes. I know. It’s a Michael Bay film but I feel like it gets a pass because it’s pre-Transformers. It’s so bad it’s good again, from hysterically bad dialogue to criminally incorrect representations of vacuum physics, all to the fucking tune of Aerosmith. Fun fact - NASA uses (or used) Armageddon for management trainees, tasking them to spot as many errors as possible and so far 168 have been noted. Let’s not forget the bonus dvd features interviewing Ben Affleck who essentially laughs his way through every plot hole for five minutes. Suspend your disbelief of any of it making logical sense in a real world environment and it’s a fantastic film and I will die on this hill to the tune of I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.

16. I’ll love you if you… think of me fondly.

25. My idea of a perfect date? April 25th. It’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is light jacket. ^.^ But for real? Probably going for tapas and drinks, maybe a show. Then we come back and get comfy because fuck being out too long and we snuggle and talk and let things go where they may.

27. A description of a person I like. She has the most vibrant brown eyes I’ve ever seen. Black as night sometimes but sometimes they are a rich amber or even chocolate with hints of sienna. Her skin is so soft and inviting. Her hands are soft but strong. She’s taller than me which is nice because sometimes I need to feel small. She’s a talented writer and she’s funny and smart but not a know it all. She does know it all though. About everything. She has a thirst for knowledge that rivals no one else I’ve met. Some of it might be useless knowledge but fuck if she doesn’t retain it like she does cables and puns. I like her a lot.

34. What I find attractive in women? The list of what I don’t find attractive in women would be much shorter. I have been obsessed with the female form for as long as I can remember. I was always embarrassed about it but here it’s okay and welcome to openly worship women and I love that for me.

35. What I find attractive in men? I don’t find many men attractive and the ones I do? They don’t have many physical attributes in common. It’s about how they make me feel. I can’t stand a man who yells. I do appreciate some hair and a squishy tummy and big hands though.

36. Where I would like to live? It’s between California and Barcelona right now. California for friends mostly. Barcelona to escape the political fuckery of this hellscape country. I don’t feel like my family is safe here anymore.

Thanks for all the questions! I really need to pack my tech bag and go to bed soon though. My Lyft will be here in 7 hours. 🫣

[jorvikwildhorse]

Thoughts on Horse Tales: Emerald Valley Ranch

Hey horse game blog. I played another horse game recently and had some Thoughts, so i decided to share just in case anyone else was still on the fence about picking this one up. I personally couldn’t find a lot of reviews on this game other than “Heyyy, this is coming out soon and it’s a horse game!!” so uhhhh here’s mine, i guess!

  [I’m very certain this cute, tiny gazebo isn’t supposed to be here and is actually a bug]

  Horse Tales: Emerald Valley Ranch is a game where you can tame, breed, and race horses. Alongside your horse companion you can explore an island and rebuild your disused estate into prime equestrian property. 

  Right off the bat, I would caution anyone looking to purchase Horse Tales for the Nintendo Switch. I don’t know what it’s like on other consoles, I’ve heard it is an overall more stable experience, pardon the pun. On the Switch, the game is poorly optimized. It chugs when loading into just about any area, pop-in is ever-present and in handheld mode it degenerates to a blurry, pixelated mess. The game is quite buggy, and I’m not sure if this is just on the Switch or if the other platforms suffer in this way. Entire quest-lines can be bugged with certain features like genetic testing for your horses being locked behind them waiting for developers to patch the game. Even though building and crafting are one of the core gameplay aspects, sometimes the game will straight up forget where you placed an entire structure or tree and you’ll have to expend the materials to rebuild them.

         [Behold: an athlete]

  Beyond the bugs and performance issues, the game itself is a bit half-baked. I understand this is a smaller game from a smaller studio and even sports a smaller price tag, but questionable design choices really dragged down my experience overall. Once you finish your main quests, there isn’t much to do other than collect material to build decorations or expand stable capacity on your estate, breed horses and run around the environment. In most other games, I am happy to do these activities (really, I am not very hard to please! Gamers hate how little it takes for horsefolk to be happy.), but that really is all there is to offer once you’ve completed the handful of story quests.

  The explorable world is vast, but not sprawling. You’ll find many winding, yet restrictive and narrow paths to traverse, but you’ll be retreading that same ground often. There’s no fast travel beyond a reset to your centrally located estate, so if you need to go very far to talk to a character or collect some material for your next building then you could be in for a long trek. While I don’t mind meandering around these paths on a nice trail ride or even testing out the speed of a new horse, it can be frustrating that there’s never going to be such a thing as a ‘quick trip’ to fetch some wood or other material. You’ll always be making that long trip out of the valley that surrounds your estate no matter which shortcut you open up. There’s also no minimap or direct button for your map. It’s always: open menu, tab over, wait for the map to eventually load, and then plan out what route you’re going to take. You can only have one waymarker at a time and it does nothing for path-finding, it only shows you the distance remaining between you and your objective.

  Towns are eerily depopulated no matter how big they are or how many houses they have in them. I’m pretty sure there are only like, 6 people that live on the island, giving it a weirdly abandoned vibe, which I’m very sure was unintentional. The design of the world is almost entirely horse-centric, which is fine! And good! considering the theming of the game. But sometimes you’ll come across a random parking lot in a forest surrounded by wilderness and think, who is this for? Who actually lives here and needs this? (It reminds me of the paved suburban streets of New Hillcrest in Star Stable Online. Like, who needs this in an almost entirely rural horse-based infrastructure? lol) The cast of interactive characters that reside on the peninsula are less characters than they are quest-givers, their dialogue is bland and almost entirely to inform you about certain game mechanics making for quite an isolating experience.

  An unintuitive and stilted quest progression often leaves you in the dark about how to access useful features quickly. Basic features like washing your filthy, stinky horse (who will acquire grime every time you flub a jump, which for me was, uh, often) or building a house so your player character can stop living in a tent when your horses live in luxurious barns are often hidden down not-so obvious side-quests.

    [This was one of the first horses I bred. No, I didn’t get to choose her name. No, for some reason the “press Y to rename horse” button doesn’t work. No, her genetics and coat coloration aren’t even displaying correctly, they belong to her dam. Yes, it is really funny that she hates stallions. Butch horse daddy.]

 But I digress, the horses! That’s what this game is about! This is why we’re here. So far there is only one breed of horse that can be found in the base game, the Selle Français, with the Irish Cob being available as DLC. The animation of the horses’ gaits are fairly accurate and the animations that play when you pet and scratch your horse are super cute and endearing. I like that I could make little notes about each horse’s favorite snacks or places they liked to be scratched, but I could never fully enjoy looking them in the face as I found them quite hideous (lol). The games style is minimal and less focused on realism so less emphasis is placed on the conformation of the horses as bold coat coloration is, which I think is a shame, but I won’t fault them on it considering the scope of the game.

  Breeding horses and playing with their genetic traits is a big draw of Horse Tales, and I did get a kick out of seeing a neat coat color crop up on my own homebred projects. I did think it was weird there was no horse raising or training aspect, however. Foals pop out as fully grown horses overnight and if you didn’t get the specific combinations of genes you were hoping for there’s really no incentive to bond with that horse anyway. There is a neat feature to train specific behavioral traits into your horse, but it serves only to make them hate water less, or be less afraid of the dark or heights. If your horse is born with sub-par stats there’s no way to train them to make them speedier or boost their endurance unless they were already born with a personality trait that makes them faster on certain terrain.

   There are races for you to compete in, of course, but there’s no real intensive for you to breed your own horses with perfect stats when you can just capture wild horses with just as serviceable stats as you progress and explore more areas. Any wild horses with high endurance will win you races just fine and with the narrow pathways and tight corners of the racetracks (and compounded with the willful and shaky camera that fights you at every turn), super fast horses will just have you careening wildly into walls and jumps. Other than these races, there’s really no specific “jobs” you can breed for. It’s either cross country champion or, if your horse isn’t fast, pretty trail pony. I felt a bit cruel selling off my breedject horses that didn’t make the cut, but I really had no reason to keep them around, so it was off to market they went.

  OVERALL, Despite what I’ve written sounding overwhelmingly negative, I did enjoy my time with this game! But between poor design choices and the copious amounts of bugs I found little reason to continue playing it. The game feels unfinished at worst and unpolished at best. If $40 is a lot of money for you, I wouldn’t pick it up just yet. That amount of money, while better than a full $60 AAA game price tag, has been a lot for me to swing in the past and I would be majorly disappointed to have used my hard-earned money on a game of this quality, even if it does have horses. I would wait until it goes down in price or if the devs fix it up and add anything worthwhile to it in future patches. If $40 isn’t a big deal to you and just desperately need a new horsey-game fix, then perhaps pick it up on a console that isn’t the Switch.

[drivingsideways]

For the usual suspects @rain-hat​ and @elderflowergin​ and a not-suspicious at all anon :D

From Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing: 30 Questions for Authors

1. What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

This was a Draco/Hermione fic that I only shared with few friends via email! :))

2. Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them?

Unfortunately, no! Mostly because I am absolutely terrible at working around deadlines when it comes to fic, and also I have a lot of anxiety around whether I’ll ever finish the fics I start writing. 

3. Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?

Hmm, I usually don’t jump around between fics, but sometimes when I’m writing a long fic, I take a break and doodle something shorter. But this is quite rare, because it takes me a while to get into the “zone” when I’m writing a fic and I’m nervous to break that and try something else in case I never get my mojo back for the fic I started with. 

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

I start outlining about a quarter way through the fic, usually! I only have the vaguest idea of plot when I start out, usually, and it takes me a chapter or three to get things clearer in my head. But once I am writing fairly steadily, then I find it useful to make an outline so that a) I don’t forget to put in things and b) I feel good about tracking progress. 

My outline does keep changing- I’d say, I stray about 20-25% from it in terms of no of chapters planned vs what gets written; but not really much in terms of the main story/ events. 

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

This question made me miss my old life (when I was living alone): I miss the table I used to write at, and the window I would stare out of, the curtains fluttering in the almost constant breeze, and the quiet. But the truth is, I can write anywhere- a coffee shop, a train compartment, in my bed- what’s critical is that I need to be left completely alone for a few hours at a stretch. 

6. If you’re really concentrating, how many words can you write in a day?

I haven’t really tracked this as such, but I know that I wrote about 3-4k almost every day when I was doing an episode coda format fic for Serenade of Peaceful Joy as it was airing. But that kind of writing is unusual for me;  I’d say maybe 2-3k if I’m left completely alone and don’t distract myself.  But it’s not really the word count that matters, is it? If I write a drabble (100 words!) that I’m happy with, after thinking about it for the whole day, I’m good with that too. 

7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

I’m very bad at editing. 

8. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.

I don’t like to listen while I’m writing because it’s distracting, but in the last year or two, I’ve taken to making playlists to listen to while I think about fic. Of late, it’s been a bunch of David Bowie songs, especially Starman, for a fic I’m thinking about. 

9. Do you prefer to write AUs, canon divergence, or canon-compliant fic?

I think all fic is somewhat “AU” from the canon; but if you’re asking whether I would write a High School AU for hmm, Supernatural, for eg, then NO.  That said, I have done precisely this in one fandom- not high school au, but “modern” au for a period drama- but it was because it was low energy and effort, and that was all I had the bandwidth for at the time.  I usually like writing fic within the canon universe which attracted my attention in the first place.  I often enjoy writing post canon fics, which would be like 95-100% canon compliant; and in some cases I like making a specific canon divergence, which then makes the whole thing “au”, I guess. 

10. Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most?

I don’t really think of writing or the joy I derive from it in this way though- I mean in these buckets- so I’m not sure whether I can answer this question. I realize that my fics tend to be dialogue heavy because I have tv show brainrot. Do I enjoy writing dialogue? Sometimes! When it’s going smoothly! :) 

11. If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be?

I think my wheelhouse is “bittersweet”, so it’s always going to be an angst+ fluff combo, maybe? I LIVE for the day when I’ll be able to write a good PwP, which, I think, is much harder to do than most people guess. 

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I keep thinking of writing some kind of platonic soulmate-fic for various canons, but I haven’t got around to it. 

13. Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

Is Omegaverse a trope or a genre? I wouldn’t write it ever. Also, let’s face it, High school/ college/ coffee shop etc. (I hated college, what is WRONG with all of you!!!)

14. If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

Nobody. I want that island and its solitude all to myself, thanks. 

15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

It can’t be a Hollywood producer, because they would just ruin it, but if anyone wants to make Terms of Surrender,  I think that’s the most movie-like. Artist Company, you can have this FOR FREE. 

16. What is your most underrated fic?

Hmm, I’m not sure what this question really means- should I consider kudos/ comments as a measure? I end up writing niche pairings in small fandoms, so I think that’s a double whammy; but in a medium sized fandom like Beyond Evil, I sure wish more people read “Deer Heart” rather than “Cat Whisperer”. My best writing was for Serenade of Peaceful Joy, which nobody watched, and so maybe three people read the fic. 

17. What fic are you most proud of?

I can’t really answer this, I think. All of my fic is very personal to me, and while I know the quality of the writing varies *wildly *, I’m proud that they exist. Ok, NOT Cat Whisperer or A Soul Divided, but even those I side-eye because I think kdrama fandom has bad taste, not because they’re inherently awful. :p 

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Again, there are lots of little bits scattered across all my fic that I love. I love the ending of Inventing Love which I typed directly into AO3 like a madwoman - while waiting for Rain to finish writing the sequel because we wanted to read each other’s fics together; I love Gon getting high on pot brownies and dancing to Black Pink in Destiny’s Child, and talking to his horse when he’s at his lowest;  I love Miranda Barlow asking Thomas Hamilton whether he would have preferred if she had a cock for him to swallow in  May it Happen to me (all) ,  a line I didn’t know I was going to write until I was typing it; I love all the letters between the halmeonis in Terms of Surrender, especially the last one from Geowi to Kkachi, and I wrote each one of them through a blur of tears where I could barely see the screen; in Moon River, I love Do-chul and Hong-gi sharing a cigarette and being so in love with each other, thinking about what the future holds for them, while the titular song plays faintly in the background; I love Park Pyung-ho wounded and exhausted, leaving the lights on so that Jeong-do wouldn’t hesitate to knock on his door; I love Koo Seo-Ryeong texting Hyeong-min “ I made a man of you, baby, never forget “ in TMTTAL; and I love the young Kang Sin-jae ruining a perfect tea-set by smashing one of the cups in Before You Came. I remember writing these things, and I remember the feeling when I wrote them, the best feeling, when the words on the page say exactly what you want them to, even if it might get lost in translation between you and the reader.  

19. Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

I don’t know if I have ever found *a * particular character hard or easy to write; my trouble doesn’t lie in characters, I have difficulty with the other things- plot and description and grammar, lol. 

20. What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

I pepper in a lot of OCs because I can get away with it in post canon fics , and it’s a great way to introduce women into male-dominated canons. Off the top of my head, I love the female OCs I sneaked into This Suspect Edifice (Yejun’s colleague and friend Kim Sang-mi), Deer Heart (Sister Lee Sun-ja and Jeong-je’s therapist Dr. Kim Jung-hee) and recently Choe Yeo-reum from  Terms of Surrender and “Hwasal” from Juche. 

21. What is the one fic that got away?

2020′s Tell me the Truth About Love developed an entire universe of its own without so much as asking me; this year that happened with Terms of Surrender (still writing in that universe!). But I’m more prone to letting fics get away than not because I rather enjoy it when they do.  *shrug hands emoji *

22. Have you cried while writing a fic?

Yes, absolutely, why wouldn’t I? 

23. If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?

Oh. This is a tough one. I guess I always felt that I didn’t do justice to one of the first  stories that I wrote in The Rise of Phoenixes fandom- A Place in the World- which was a Ning Yi/Feng Zhi wei  fic. I think I would probably expand on the universe and write it from Zhi wei’s PoV. 

24. How did you come up with title for [x fic]?

”Terms of Surrender” started out in a google doc titled The Unified Soy Sauce Company; I think I changed it about three chapters in. I love cheesy Harlequin romance titles and this was a burst of inspiration because I was writing about lives sundered by war and borders; and Spotify randomly played  “Hallelujah” that morning. [ I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch/ love is not a victory march]

25. Which idea came to you first in [x fic]?

For Juche, it’s the reveal that happens half way through the story about how Park Pyung-ho became a spy. Well, that, and Pyung-ho buying a pair of soccer shoes for Jeong-do’s son. Don’t ask me why, I have NO idea. 

26. Which part of [x fic] was the hardest to write?

I know Rain asked for recent fics, but Yeong leaving Corea in Inventing Love was so incredibly difficult to write, but I’m very proud of it. 

27. If you were ever to do a sequel to [x fic], what do you think might happen in it?

If I ever write a sequel to Juche, the only thing I know for sure is that there’ll be at least one scene of them dancing in a small kitchen. [Alexa, play Unchained Melody]

28. In [x fic], what is a happy, post-fic headcanon you have about [pairing]?

In Rival, post fic verse, Min-chae adopts a dog who only loves her mean mom Na Hee-do. *shrug hands emoji *

29. Send me a word. If it’s in your WIPs, include the sentence and a short summary of the fic.

Lol, I think you’ll find an abundance of the word “huffed” in any fic of mine. 

30. Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

I only write longfic! *sob *

My scatter-brain is hopping between several different nebulous ideas and I’m not able to settle down with any one, so I’m going to pass on this. The only thing I can say for certain is that it’ll feature people grossly in love with each other, and being completely stupid about it. * shrug hands emoji *

[dearsnow]

Here’s my description for the matchup trade! I’d like to be shipped with Eddie please, but I’m honestly kinda convinced you would’ve picked him anyways once I get through with my description. I bolded the important parts because this is kinda long, sorry about that

I’m 19 years old and going to be 20 on Valentine’s Day. I’m bisexual and on the Autism spectrum with ADHD. I’ve got chronic pain in my hip and back a lot too. Eddie and I probably met because I helped him study or something, I’m very smart and I love helping people. Either that or we met at a local D&D store. I can get really nervous sometimes but once I’m comfortable with someone or an environment I become really excitable and open. It’s weird because a lot of people assume I’m super shy or reserved but then they hear me making dirty jokes and dancing to weird music and they get caught off guard lol. I’m also really clumsy and am both nervous but also quite blunt somehow (basically I’m forward but in a blushy way). I also completely lose track of time and space a lot and end up forgetting things or doing stupid stuff. I have no self preservation skills despite giving good advice - high wisdom, low intelligence kinda stats. I also research anything that interests me and know tons of facts, and I’m really touch-starved. My love language is physical touch. 

The easiest way to get me to come out of my shell is playing Dungeons & Dragons or talking about similar interests. I’m currently studying to become a Television and Cartoon writer but am applying to local D&D stores in the meantime (very on brand). I also draw and read Tarot cards! If I lived in the 80s I’d definitely be considered just as weird and Satanic as Eddie lmao. I’m very cheap and will diy stuff if I can, I don’t like spending money. I also love making jokes and puns, and I’m really good at coming up with funny comments. 

I’m really short, like 4’ 11” (149 cm) tall. I’d only come up to his shoulder at best. I have wild wavy brown hair, am very slender and toned (you can actually see my abs really well), I wear glasses and am kinda androgynous-looking. I’m currently wearing an AC/DC crop top (aka a tshirt I cut into a crop top). Most of my wardrobe consists of funny t-shirts and jeans.

Thanks so much!! Take care of yourself and remember to drink lots of water, okay? :)

YOU’RE STUCK WITH…

Eddie Munson!

a/n - omg it was so hard to just pick a few of your traits, but i did my best :) you seem so awesome. mwah

- there is no way this man isn’t neurodivergent too. He knows exactly what you’re feeling at all times and always takes that into account. He’s a master at keeping you comfortable so you can let your amazing personality shine

- sometimes he says he hates smart people, but you know he’s never talking about you. He actually admires your brains a lot and even asked you to help him study before you ever even became a “thing”

- whenever you stumble, he’s there to keep a hand on your back or tug the waistband of your pants to keep you from falling. It’s so hot when he does it too, it truly makes your heart pound

- he’s also a bit forgetful, but he always remembers the most random things. Your second favorite animal? He knows it by heart. The vocab words for the quiz next period? He hasn’t retained a single one

- he loves sitting you on his lap for some much-needed cuddles. Sometimes he even plays guitar over your body

- you guys can shoot DnD facts back and forth for hours. It’s honestly really impressive

- he takes such an interest in all of your hobbies; tarot, drawing, anything you’re into, he’s also into. It doesn’t matter if he knows literally nothing about the subject, he just likes to listen to you talk about your passions. It makes him really giddy

- Eddie is such an asshole (lovingly) about your height. He’ll use you as an armrest and put guitar picks in your hair when you’re not looking

[metaphysicalenthusiast]

Mom Guilt

I became a mom at 22 years old. Thought I was going to marry the love of my life then. Thought I had my life figured out then. Got laid off just as I got pregnant but he seemed to have it all figured out then. I'm 33 now and what I thought was a dream come true, what I thought I wanted my life to be like, was only a lie I continued to tell myself realizing over time, it was for him, not me. I'm about to have an 11 year old, that's 11 years of being a mom, 11 years of worry and concern that may never fade, becomes part of me because isn't that how a mom is supposed to be? But my concerns aren't like most...or so that's how I feel; sensing the judgement of others because she lives with him and not her mother. Yea, it may not seem right, her living with him instead of me, but she's safe, isn't she? What matters most, her happiness or her safety? Shouldn't they both matter equally? You would think that would be a simple yes, but sometimes what makes her happy isn't always safe and what makes her safe doesn't always keep her happy...what an annoying conundrum, right? And I guess that's the ongoing cycle of what my mom guilt is, never being sure what is truly right for her and the decisions I've made for her, hoping she's grateful and an upstanding citizen in the end. Another mom guilt; the lack of communication between her and I. Every other weekend is the only time I see and speak to her, but every time we see each other it's as if no time has passed and she never hesitates to vocalize how much she loves her mommy. So, was it fear of her forgetting me my mom guilt, or is it my fear of judgement by other moms who communicate with their child daily? It could be the latter or it could be both, but I learned that my relationship with her is like no other and although it doesn't fit what's considered "normal" in momhood, I need to remind myself: I became a mom at 22 and within those 10 years I struggled. Now she is in a better environment than she was before, whereas it’s no longer a struggle to maintain my sanity to make ends meet while pretending everything is okay. I no longer need to yell and scream when I’m stressed when it was never her fault to began with, and even if, she doesn’t deserve that part of me. It’s been a little over a year since she’s been under his care. I’ve had my doubts and concerns prior but now that time has passed and have been able to witness her life on the other side, my only struggle is returning back to me. It’s a daily journey, some good days and some bad, but it’s a journey that brings me closer to my self healing.

[graillemm111]

Life isn’t finding yourself, it is about creating yourself.

Hi!! I’m Crystal, Crystal Graille Mangulian

A lot of people call’s me ystal, but wait! let me tell you a secret, here at home they call me ohany because it was my grandmother’s name.

I just turned 15 last January 28, I am born and raised in Conner Apayao, the fruit basket of the North.

We are four in Family, I’m the eldest and Xian is the youngest.

I completed my junior high school at Conner, Central, National, High school and graduated with honors , and now i am currently studying in St. Paul University Philippines. People often describe me as a jovial, carefree, and optimistic kind person, but what people don’t know is that sometimes I experience bad days, and that’s alright.

So yeah let’s move on, lets talk about my favorites and what I love.

I love to play instrument, I know how to play Piano, Violin, Ukulele, and Guitar and I can also sing.

I came from a family of musicians. I joined a lot of singing and music contest growing up,

I was raised with faith in God, i go to church every Sunday with my Family, I was very thankful and contented for having a happy family and for what I have in my life.

I love traveling especially in far places like Baguio, Ilocos, Manila,Zamboanga and many more to create memories and experiences, I also love watching movies, k drama’s, C drama’s, and Thai Drama’s,

I’m a fan of Lany, I love their songs. I have 5 black pets, 2 black dogs named Phorsha and Chayo, 2 black cats named Tango and Jive and 1 black bird named Clever, I couldn’t take care of them because I am busy studying so my grandmother takes care of them all.

I love taking pictures and selfies, sometimes I am also a model but not the professional model that you think HAHAHAHAHA

So yeah I will tell you a story, when I was a kid, I always asked my dad how’s the feeling to be a musician, because all I wanted is to be a musician, it is my dream to perform stage and people is cheering on me and shouting my name, and my dad said “it’s hard to be a musician”

I’m Inspired to be like them, and now I’m grateful to be one of them,

I’m a musician but not famous. I’m super happy because I like what I am doing, and finally it happened

I do have a lot of weaknesses, sometimes i put pressure on myself, I don’t know how to manage time and I really need my parents to always be by my side, but now that i am a senior high student i need to be independent, and I’m still adjusting in this new environment.

I do have a lot of friends, we are enjoying our lives while where not that busy. I forget all of the problems when I am with them.

I was very thankful for what I have in my life.

The most important thing is to enjoy your life, -to be happy.

It’s all that matters, you only live once.

Where do I see myself 10 years from now? Was my learning in spup vital to where im leading to?

10 years from now, I see myself with some good qualifications (degree), working in a reputed institution, spending time with family and doing something for my society and mother nature. Over the next few years I will try to fulfill all my plans with all my strength. I will not leave any opportunity which proves to be a hallway to the completion of my goals. I will try my best to be a valuable and irreplaceable asset for the institution I work for. As any other youngster I also want to change happiness and success for myself as well as for my parents and my brother.

Thinking about my future is scary and fascinating at the same time: on the other hand, I have lot of plans and goals that I wish to accomplish; on the other hand, I have fear of choosing the wrong path or not achieve everything I have planned. Nevertheless, just like many other people, I have a personal plan on how I see myself in 10 years from now. This plan accumulates everything that I find essential in my life, my family, my career goals, and my passion for self-development. In general, 10 years from now, I see myself as a successful medtech, helping my parents to cover their debts and treat them to please with everything they need ,

And yes my learning in SPUP is vital to where im leading, and I know that i can handle my chosen strand and course so I can say it is vital.

Was STEM the best choice after all?

- Yes STEM is the best choice, pursuing a STEM strand will allow me a wide variety of future opportunities after graduation. I choose STEM because it is accurate in my course when I go to college. STEM helps me to give a little light about my lessons in my college life. I want to pursue Medical Technology in college. I choose STEM because I know this strand is compatible in any kind of course in college. We all know that this strand is much harder than other kind of strand but on the other side it makes our mind advance and it makes us much prepared on college life I felt lucky to have found the strand that I’m really comfortable with. Looking back, I also had difficulty in choosing a strand last year in junior high. My school offered only the academic track, and I had four strands to choose from. It was a struggle—one day it was STEM, another day it was ABM (Accountancy, Business and Management), and then some days it was HUMSS (Humanities and Social Sciences), or even GAS (General Academic Strand). In the end, choosing the right strand may simply be about rediscovering one’s inner child. I chose STEM not because I’m a math or science geek, but because, at a young age, I loved asking questions that were very much STEM in nature. I like watching Discovery Channel and National Geographic. I love inventing parachutes and other stuff to play with. And I guess that, somehow, the child in me still knew what was best. Apart from that for some, choosing the right strand is not just about making new friends and discovering new things related to a subject. More important, it is about envisioning your dream job and career path. Choosing a career is difficult in itself, but senior high school prepares you to make crucial decisions that will impact your future. In my case, since I have yet to decide which career suits me best, I felt that STEM would be most helpful. Studying and working in STEM means learning about the world around you, finding innovative solutions to real-world challenges, and playing a role in some of the country’s major discoveries and developments. “STEM is difficult but intelligence is not measured by a number on a piece of paper. You go to school to learn, not to memorize no matter how much it seems like everything is just memorization. Learn the concepts. Don’t just memorize the terms. Take charge and strive to learn and grow. Don’t be complacent. STEM is ever growing and ever-changing and you should be too.”

What course will you take in collage and why?

In this modern era, there are a lot of things that are beyond our knowledge, things that are unkown and cannot be perceived. As a young pursuer, I dreamt of being one of the people who play a vital role in the community. Right before, I thought hardly to decide of what course should I take and directly relate it to my interests, I came up through a lot of science related courses until I’ve heard and searched about Medical Technology, I was first enthralled by the thought of it most primarily because it focuses on the extraordinary such as things that are not visible to the naked eye.

When I was young, I was afraid of Health practitioners especially medtechs, because they do nothing but prick my finger and draw blood from me, back then I wasn’t aware of what profession they are in because they lock themselves in an isolated room which I don’t have a clue that it was a laboratory. My young wondering mind brought me to the idea of playing pretend with my childhood friends, me as a medtech and them as the patient, I would prick their fingers using match sticks and inject or draw blood from them using a “click” ballpen.

I chose Medical Technology course because I was influenced by it since I was young and it’s my interest and I know that when I became a successful medical technologist, I would play a vital role in my country and help the people in need of proper diagnosis.

And that's the end of my blog, I hope you enjoy it, Thank you and God bless!!