#sometimes I truly forget im not only posting for like. 5 people.

[catholicjinx]

petekey ask making me lose it

im still thinking about it now. youre not in this alone anon

[janitorhutcherson]

olderbfyandere!mike schmidt

surprise, bitches!!! im giving yall a lil taste of some more writing. im not really on hiatus (obvi, i post every 5 minutes) but i've been sooooo busy that i haven't been able to post half as much. with that being said, here are some more in depth headcanons ab yandere!mike. :p could not have done this without @futturmand literally helping me (coming up w/) most of these. thank u bae.

warnings: drugging, violence, sex, daddy kink, abusive tendencies

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olderbfyandere!mike schmidt was kinda an asshole. to his coworkers, random customers at the mall, anybody who came too close to you, and yes, even sometimes to you. he was the kind of guy who had a semi-permanent grimace on his face. the corners of his mouth would turn into smiles typically only when he was with abby or you two were alone and he could let his guard down. of course, even then, the moment you caught an attitude, that grimace would appear right back on his face. his demeanor was typically gruff. he was the kind of guy most people didn't want to mess with. this meant any male coworkers around you would be tested their fate to even glance at you the wrong way and god forbid mike saw one of them brush something off of your shoulder. that would truly be the end of them.

olderbfyandere!mike schmidt is very obsessive over safety. after losing garrett, he has this urge to do nothing but to protect. this means that mike is the type of guy to want your location at all times. not only that, but he wants to know what you're doing, who you're with, and what time you'll be home. he expects a text when you leave, a text when you get there, an hourly check-in, then a text on your way home. it brings him a sense of peace, knowing where you are. he watches life360 obsessively when you're not in his sight, watching your little bubble move through wherever you may be. he's constantly checking the speed of the car you're in, occasionally stalking your friend's instagram stories to see where you are. he's overprotective to the extent that it can be overbearing, but at the end of the day it's endearing knowing he cares that much.

olderbfyandere!mike schmidt uses the fact that you're younger than him to manipulate you. he's less about violence or anything physical and instead uses his words. he will constantly remind you how helpless you are without him, how he has so much more life experience than you. he'll point out randomly when you mention not knowing how to do something, saying something like, "see, babydoll, where would you be without me? that's right, nowhere. you need me to take care of you." he's also the kind of guy to eventually make you financially dependent on him if he could ever afford it. he would never put you in that spot until he was comfortable enough to do so, though, meaning it might be a loooong time before that ever happened.

olderbfyandere!mike schmidt treats you less like a partner and more like a little sibling, kinda like he treats abby. as strange as it is, he also feels a paternal instinct to protect you. it comes from his deep-rooted feelings of abandonment. he lost garrett, his mom, his dad, and sometimes he feels like abby hates him. he loves that you listen to him, that he can command you to do something and you'd be so good for him. he absolutely adores being able to control different aspects of your life, making you completely reliant on him. it makes him feel special and needed, which he hasn't felt in a very long time. he loves nothing more than when he gets to scold you almost like a parent, your eyes falling to the ground, that adorable wounded puppy look he loves so much taking over your face.

olderbfyandere!mike schmidt is incredibly clingy and touch starved. he wants to have a hand on you 24/7. forget having personal space, because you are not getting it with him. he'd follow you around, watching you everywhere you'd go. his hands would grip onto your hips so tightly sometimes it'd feel like they were glued to them. he'd always have his arms around you, kissing at your neck, nipping in a way you felt shouldn't be shown in public. mike didn't care, he wanted everyone to know you belonged to him in every single way. he controlled you, and if he wanted to embarrass you and turn your face red by leaving purple marks on your neck in the middle of a shopping plaza, then so be it. you would take it or be punished.

olderbfyandere!mike schmidt who of course uses his sleeping pills on you when you're being a little brat. he isn't violent with you for the most part except for the rare occasion when he will hold you down onto the bed until you'll listen, but otherwise he opts for something simpler. when you're being a little too frustrating for him, going against his every command or you're not feeling like being held, mike will simply crush up his sleeping pills, slip them into your water. he's careful with you once you doze off, never abusing you in any way. all he will do is tuck you into your shared bed and hold your body in his arms, whispering sweet nothings as you're off in your own sweetly drugged up world.

olderbfyandere!mike schmidt would most definitely have a thing for being called daddy. sorry guys, it had to be said. hot take, i guess. considering he did want to protect you so thoroughly, he loved when you'd call him daddy. it made him feel like your protector, like you knew he was the one that did everything for you. it was so crazy how such a simple word could change his whole day. he loved hearing it fall out of your lips as he'd brush through your hair or wash your body off in the shower. "thank you, daddy," you'd hum and he'd grin ear to ear. "you're welcome, babydoll," he'd always say, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

[ikigaisvt]

sleepy

in which your boyfriend comforts you after a restless night.

pairing: joshua x gn!reader words count: 1.6k content: comfort, fluff warnings: talk of insomnia, eating, talk of drinking, petnames (for reader: babe, baby, sweeheart / for joshua: josh, love), skinship (cuddles, kisses) note: hi!! the joshua brainrot has been hitting hard lately; im kinda in love,, thank you so much @goblinvern for proof reading this for me 🫶 you're the absolute best! minors are allowed to interact with this post but please don't follow or i'll hard block you. enjoy and don't forget to leave a like/comment/reblog! note 2.0: i wasn't planning on posting this fic before the new year, but since i had it sitting in the drafts and it's joshua's day, i thought it'd be a good timing to post it now~ i hope everyone will have a good 2024 and happy birthday to shua!! 🫶

You were pretty sure if people would have to describe you, they’d use that word: admirative. You were one to always be left in awe at people’s talents, whether it be singing, drawing, dancing or truly anything else. Even though you were creative yourself, you’d always be admirative of what people could create out of their minds only. But if you had to say the one skill that would leave you speechless, as it is not one you possess, it’s being able to function with little to no sleep.

Okay, let’s redo this. If you’re being truthful, people would more likely describe you as sleepy. You were someone who always loved sleeping; however, sleep did not like you. You were never like one of those people who could sleep anywhere and through anything, you were rather on the more sensitive side when it came to sleeping. Over the years, you had put together a very strict routine you had to follow every night to ensure a restful sleep. But oh, if you had the bad idea or the bad luck to skip or miss a step? You’d end up falling asleep at 1 am and waking up at 5 am. And that’s exactly what happened yesterday night. Now, you’re used to this so surely you would know how to handle your own state and have the most productive day despite your tiredness. However, because the world never gives enough hardships to one, you were sometimes faced with a special kind of tiredness. A tiredness that would make you stick to anyone’s side. A tiredness that would make you hug a person and never let go. And when that happened, well, no amount of self-knowledge could make you change for the day. But maybe you have something to thank the world for: it gave the loveliest and gentlest boyfriend ever. And he loves cuddles.

10 am – 5 hours since I’ve been awake. He should be awake pretty soon; you think to yourself. Here you were, perched on the kitchen stool, an empty bowl of cereal in front of you, waiting for your boyfriend to wake up so you could cuddle. When you first woke up, you had hoped you would fall back asleep immediately, even though that rarely happened for you, so you didn’t even think of cuddling. But when you realized you would not fall asleep, you decide to get up and go about your day, already looking forward to your afternoon’s nap. All you did was settle down on your couch and put on your favorite show – The Vampire Diaries and around 9am, when hungriness settled down in the pit of your stomach, you got up and made yourself a bowl of cereal. You don’t know what triggered your need to hug your boyfriend – maybe the chill air that settled in your apartment as winter is coming closer or maybe the fact that you haven’t seen him a lot lately, but all you have been thinking about since then was him. Him and his arms enveloping you. Him and his scent making your head spin. Him and his fingers playing with your hair. Him, him, him. Now, you could have woken him up but knowing he came back home around 2 am – as he was out drinking with Jeonghan – you didn’t find it in you to ruin his sleep.

“10:30 am – he really should be awake by now,” you say out loud before you hear the water running in your bathroom. You slowly lean and peek at your hallway only to see Joshua walk down towards you – more like, towards the kitchen, his hair sticking out in weird angles while he rubs the sleep away from his eyes.

“Sweetheart,” he calls out to you once he gets closer, “Since when have you been awake?” he asks, worries written all over his face. He knows how much you struggle with sleeping.

“I woke up around 5,” you mumble as he starts making himself a cup of coffee. At your words he turns around to look at you, gives up on his coffee and comes around the kitchen bar.

“Oh babe,” he says, his hands reaching for your face, cupping your cheeks gently, “Is it because of me? Did I wake you up?” he questions, his eyes searching yours for an answer.

“No, you’re fine. You know how it gets for me sometimes,” you reassure him, your hands holding on his wrists.

“Okay, okay,” he says, “What can I do? Do you want to stay in bed while I clean around? Today is cleaning day, right?” he asks, trying to come up with a way to make today easier for you.

“Well, cleaning day is reported to tomorrow,” you chuckle, lighting up the situation, “but there’s something I’d really like,” you mumble, trying to work up the courage to ask him for cuddles.

“Yes, tell me. Anything for you,” he nods, his hands now resting on your neck, his fingers playing with the little hair at the back of your head.

“You promise you won’t make fun of me?” you ask him, holding out your hand in a pinky promise.

“Of course. I promise I won’t make fun of you,” he states, as he meets your hand in the same promise, a glint of mischievousness appearing in his eyes, “You want cuddles, don’t you?” he asks in a smile.

“How did you know?” you gasp, not knowing what could have given you up. But truly, Joshua knew as soon as he looked at you. He couldn’t pin point what gave you away either but he’s sure it’s there somewhere, in your shiny eyes, in your slight pout or maybe it’s the way your body is leaning into his, faster, closer, than usual.

“You always ask me to not make fun of you before asking for cuddles,” he chuckles, trying to come up with an answer without giving away how much he loves you, “and I always tell you I will not. Never.” He says, planting a kiss on your forehead, “Especially not when you’re being so open with what you need. You know I’ll always try to provide whatever you need for you.” Okay, he thinks to himself, maybe I did give myself away with that one.

“Thank you, Josh,” you murmur, your hands finding his shirt, as you pull him towards you so he can stand between your legs, “Just like this. For a few seconds.” You tell him, your voice even quieter as you bury yourself in his chest. You feel his arms reach behind you, rubbing your head and your back in slow motion, bringing you the comfort you were wishing for. Your body slowly relaxes, your hands untighten against his shirt and your breath becomes slower, little sighs leaving you as you realize that this is feeling rested. This is what love feels like. This is what home feels like.

“Feels good?” he whispers, his hand now drawing circles on your back, your response coming in the form of a nod, “You want to move to the couch?” he asks as you mumble yes against his shirt, slowly leaving his embrace. You look up at him, your eyes meeting as he reaches for your face, slowly coming closer to your lips. Just as you close your eyes and your lips are about to meet, he whispers something about the couch and suddenly you’re hoisted up in the air, his arms around you.

“There we go, baby,” he says as he kisses your forehead, blush creeping on your cheeks at how much he’s covering you with love, “Hold on tight,” he whispers, your arms finding rest on his shoulders as he holds you closer to his chest.

He slowly makes his way to the couch, the slight movement of his steps almost lulling you to sleep, to that state you always struggle to find on your own. And yet with him, it’s so easy. So easy you find yourself sleepier than before, as Joshua sets you down on the couch, his arms open to allow you the rest you deeply deserve. Your cheek is pressed against his chest, his heart like a lullaby to you while he strokes your hair out of your face.

“You’re good now?” he whispers as he plants another kiss on your head.

“Hm, yeah. Thank you, love,” you whisper, already feeling sleepier than a few minutes ago as he strokes your back.

“Please, don’t thank me,” he starts, “always come find me when you can’t sleep, okay? Call me and I’ll come running. Tell me and I’ll drop everything. Wake me up whenever and I will give every ounce of sleep to you.” he says, your eyes looking up at him, “You need to promise me, okay?” he asks, his hand already out in a pinky promise.

“I swear,” you answer, your hand locking his into a promise. You take a hold of his hand quick enough, playing with his fingers before you start leaving kisses on his open palm, his knuckles, the tip of his fingers, “I love you.” you whisper as you let his hand down, your fingers still intertwined.

“I know,” he says quietly, his eyes filled with something you can’t describe. Perhaps it is love. “I love you too. So much.” He tells you, sealing his love with a kiss on your hand as your eyes feel heavier than before, sleep and warmth slowly invading your body.

It’s when you feel your body getting heavier, Joshua’s heart beats fading in the background as his hand never stop rubbing your back that you realize you should have added cuddles with Joshua as a crucial part of your night routine. No matter how many tips you will try to sleep better – earplugs, sleeping masks, white noise music, nothing will ever compare to Joshua and the comfort, rest and love he brings you. And maybe after a few years, you’ll be able to only have one step in your night routine.

thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed it 🫶

[the-racer]

you know. i made a post about remus + his jewish characterization. now it's time for james and his adhd. everyone always talks about how james is so adhd, right, but i see a lot of truly awfully written adhd and as someone with adhd, it bugs the fuck out of me.

in fics, it's usually just written as "MY GOD, SPARKLY!" and yeah, sometimes it is that way in my brain. but that's not all adhd is. i never see adhd james written with the bad side of adhd.

1) sensory issues. this was the big one for me. i never see james with sensory issues. it's such a reality for adhd people tho. james who hates certain textures and gets unreasonably upset when he bites into a plum one day. he hates anything squeaky and nearly cries when remus' shoes squeak on the castle floors. he has huge issues with clothes textures and he literally shoves Sirius into a wall when he gets an unexpected hug and hates sirius' shirt material.

2) distracted and forgetful. you do see this with james but only as funny things and not things that seriously cause problems. james forgets things a lot- words and places and important dates. he forgot the word pen one day when trying to ask peter for one and he spent the whole rest of the day trying to think of it. he gets distracted by things and it upsets his friends sometimes. lily talking about her family issues and james finding sweets in his pocket that he forgot were there so he just starts talking about his sweets.

3) stims. i hadn't even realized i had them until my therapist pointed them out. james is HUGE on stimming. his most notable is bouncing. he bounces his leg when he's anxious or overstimulated. james bounces up and down when he's happy or worried. he loves bouncing. his hair ruffling thing is a perfect example of stimming. excited and happy, so he ruffles his hair. he wiggles/sways a lot too. his snitch, too, stimming constantly.

4) food. food. he loves specific foods and refuses to go outside of his designated safe foods. he has a specific love for sugar cookies and will eat them always. he always has them on his person. same with grapes, eggs, orange juice, noodle soup. those are his "safe" foods. notices slightest differences in foods. slightly burnt taste, unsalted food, too crispy/soft, stuff like that.

5) special interests. quidditch, number one. he loves quidditch so much and knows practically everything about the sport. he loves to talk about quidditch and gets really rambly when asked about it. and he gets upset when people interrupt his quidditch talk. loves music, too, and hyperfixates on musicians he likes- bowie, abba, queen, whitney houston. stuff like that. special interest in baking since he was young.

i could keep going. but there's so much more to adhd than just going "SHINY" and getting distracted. it's a real issue, it causes a lot of pain. it's not funny and it's not just go make james seem interesting. pretending james' adhd is a joke is harmful and people with adhd are actually affected by it.

however, i love helping people with characterizations and i love helping people in general. so if you wanna dm me to ask about adhd things, im happy to help!!

[literaphobe]

Michelle!! Happy Birthday!! You said you loved asks so here is an anon ask as a present to you, I hope you have the nicest day with lots of love and cake <3

if you have the time would you talk about what you expect to happen in season 6 of MLB?? And what you WANT to happen??? What's your wishlist!! I know it's supersupersuper early and we have to wait forever but it's fun to speculate, isn't it hehe

I personally hope it'll be the most LadyNoir Season there ever was mostly because I'm still sad that season 5 only had a few crumbs after the first few episodes. And that with Strike Back being the perfect set up!! What the heckie!

omg tysm anon u cutie also YESSS for sure!!!!!!!!

honestly im not too sure what to expect in s6. i find that mlb is a show that is simultaneously predictable and completely unexpected all at the same time. but also its messy. and they like being subversive. but also they dont forget things. but also they take so long to address certain things sometimes that it makes u think they did forget?? (also sometimes they do just forget certain things)

like how they spent s4 driving a wedge between ladynoir and spreading the burden of world-saving up between all their friends and classmates only to cast all the other miraculouses away and make ladynoir need each other more than ever. and then in s5 they kick things off w ladynoir having this tragic love that twists into being so painful that they seek each other out as adrienette and dont even retrieve all the miraculous until the end of the season. and ladynoir gets their feelings just like suppressed and sidelined. but also adrienette meets trouble in their relationship via all the adult disapproval and meddling but by the end they seeeeemingly seem perfect and happy

i feel like the interesting (and fun for me) thing to do with that is to unravel the cracks in their current world. while it seems as though gabriel made a 'good' wish, the fact of the matter remains that wishes should never be made. our protagonists' lives would not be in this state if making a wish did not come with unforeseeable consequences!! i think s6 will show that not all is right with the beautiful world presented at the end of s5, and they've already teased some of that with lila and her acquisition of the butterfly miraculous. obviously, as the two characters that are tortured most by the narrative, adrichat and maribug will face so many consequences of gabriel's lies, notably maribug, because she's helping uphold these false pretenses, because only she knows the full truth

i truly believe that adrien and marinette getting a wonderful lovely fairytale kiss at the end of the season puts them in this light as a loving couple who will never break up. and ive seen speculation that fans think that they would 'never' do that because breaking up would mean that 'love square can never get together post-reveal' which is just. untrue. like they would get over that so easily. even if they revealed right after breaking up. they'd talk it through eventually and realize all the problems their secret identities caused them. also the whole point of this show is that their love is doomed because of said identity secrets soooooo

anyway people have also said adrien would never break up with marinette. i agree. i think she will be the one to do it. like she WOULD break up with him if she thought being with her was dangerous or bad for him or if she plain did not deserve him. she is very much prone to denying herself happiness despite constantly being in pursuit of it. and i think this will happen either mid s6 or at the end of s6

if it doesn't then well... come back and call me a dumbass. but its a 26 episode season and a lot happens in one season when it comes to this show

also i hope giving her classmates/friends all miraculouses backfires. i know in the future they have a full team but besides bunnix (and alya and nino) i feel like a lot of what consists the future team is up in the air. i feel like something regarding holders losing miraculouses or getting their identities compromised in a dangerous way is up in the cards! also, things will happen to the world that feel weird and they'll have to solve it. also, i believe its possible that it will be exposed that a wish was made and ladybug will have to suffer with the consequences of not admitting to the world that a wish was made and that she 'failed' (and chat noir will come to her side and defend her maybe hopefully)

anyway yes. as long as LADYNOIR COMES HOME! i am good and happy. i miss them so s o soosos o so much. again currently it looks like ladynoir has nothing which is why they would probably maybe make their relationship stronger again because it would be subversive. whether people see it coming or not is like. irrelevant i guess? praying we win in s6 anon

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

hi ^^ i have a question regarding forgiving, specifically referring to luke 6:35 ''love your enemies, do good to them, etc, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for He is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked''.

how do i forgive those (like truly forgive) pastors, Christians in general, who say just blunt homophobic and transphobic stuff and pass it on as a sin? i dont want to have to be on guard around Christians or when im watching a sermon on youtube, i want to forgive but its hard when it seems like the entire religion points to being lgbt as a sin. any tips or advice is highly appreciated ^^

Hey there, fabulous questions! Forgiveness being conflated with love & pushed on people in vulnerable positions is a huge pet peeve of mine, so thanks for the opportunity to talk about it.

I invite you and any others who read this to prayerfully ponder some questions:

What is love? What does it mean to love your enemy — what actions, not just feelings, does that entail?

What is forgiveness? Is it the same as reconciliation?

Do you have to forgive someone in order to love them?

Ultimately, only you can decide what your answers are to that. Meanwhile, I'm going to share my own conclusions to those questions — maybe your conclusions will look different from mine, but maybe it'll help you to see one possibility.

———

What is love? Can you love without forgiving?

Jesus's instruction to love those who hate us is difficult enough to live by without people twisting what love has to look like!

The kind of love that Jesus exemplified was not always nice. In fact, Jesus never called us to be nice — kind, yes, but not nice. Niceness is about never discomforting people even when they need to be discomfited; it's saying "let's forgive and forget" to someone who is still in a position of power to cause the same kind of harm.

Meanwhile, loving someone means pointing out the harm they've done. It is more loving to guide someone towards fuller humanity than to let them get away with their harm. Erecting boundaries is one way to love them into change — and that’s also a way of loving yourself, which Jesus also calls us to do. Refusing to let a person continue to cause harm also shows love to whole communities, love to those vulnerable to that person’s harm.

So to me, love does not have to include forgiveness — especially not immediate forgiveness. Marie M. Fortune even suggests that love sometimes means withholding forgiveness, if rushing to forgiveness will leave a person no time to reckon with the harm they’ve done.

So what is forgiveness as Jesus taught it?

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean what a lot of Christianity today says it means.

[id: screencap of Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride saying “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” / end id]

First off, many Christian communities focus on the wrong “side” of forgiveness — they put pressure on the wronged to forgive the wrongdoer, rather than recognizing that the onus is on the wrongdoer to make things right. A lot of the time, this results in a feeling of shame for the wronged, and justice denied. And as @hunterinabrowncoat puts it,

“...The mandate to forgive then becomes a mandate to abandon justice. And to hunger and thirst for justice, as we are called to do, becomes an act of disobedience because we're not being forgiving enough...”

When Jesus discusses forgiveness at length, he focuses on the wrongdoer seeking that forgiveness out — and taking action to make things right so that the one they wronged might have good reason to forgive them! I have a post that delves into that focus, and also clarifies what love is and isn’t, here. Bascially, in Jesus’s discussion on reconciliation in Matthew 5, he makes it clear that it’s in the wrongdoer’s best interest to do everything they need to do to win the wronged person’s mercy, while simultaneously putting no pressure on the wronged to extend that mercy. The wronged is fully in their rights to withhold forgiveness.

So what does a wrongdoer need to do to be forgiven? Many theologians, including Marie M. Fortune, argue that in order for true forgiveness — and especially reconciliation, where the wrongdoer and wronged person actually return to an ongoing relationship of some kind — to take place, there must be a reversal of power. The wrongdoer must relinquish all power over the wronged. 

In the quote linked above, Fortune notes that Jesus himself could not forgive his wrongdoers directly after they’d just nailed him to the cross — after all, the power dynamic is in the oppressors’ favor. Instead, Jesus says, “Forgive them, Father, fo they don’t know what they’re doing” (Luke 23:34).

He doesn’t say “I forgive them” — he asks his Father to do what he is not at that moment able to do. The power dynamic between Jesus and his oppressors is such that he cannot forgive them — but the power dynamic between those oppressors and God is such that God can. And God can move them to genuine remorse for what they’ve done, too. 

So how do I love anti-LGBT Christians?

Even without forgiving them himself, Jesus does express incredible mercy and love for his oppressors. That kind of love is really, really hard — to manage to see through the pain and suffering your oppressors are causing you right then and there, to see through it into compassion....

When you struggle to do that, you’re not a bad person. You’re human. To work towards that — to cultivate an understanding of your very oppressors, the ones who deny you your humanity, as fellow human beings who are capable of being better than they are — is a whole life’s work.

We are called to love those who hate us in ways that can be really hard and that do require compassion, and generosity of spirit (which this linked post delves into). There is complexity, there is challenge, in Jesus’s call to love our enemies. But it’s not about putting yourself or others in harm’s way. If there’s someone spewing hate, enacting injustice, Jesus does not call us to forgive them while they’re still spewing that hate. 

For me, the way I work towards loving the Christians who actively call for my death (at the extreme) or otherwise dehumanize me and call my very being sinful is to practice healthy boundary making. I’m not going to respond with hate, calling for their deaths; but I’m not going to let them get away with the harm they’re causing, either. I’m going to call them out, to announce the injustice they’re enacting. I’m going to try to keep others safe from them.

...And when, on those rare, beautiful occasions, there’s a person who has long been hateful but who genuinely wants to learn to be better...that’s when I stop calling them out, and start calling them in. That’s when the time to journey together towards forgiveness finally, finally comes around.

Now, I’m personally called into that kind of work, that direct interaction with people who have done harm, but are striving to be better. You might not be — so for you, loving a person who’s trying might involve directing them towards people who can help them, rather than being the person who helps.

This got away from me and is kinda fizzling out lol, but hopefully the links I included along the way are more coherent and helpful! I’m gonna go ahead and re-link the main ones below:

“Why Christians need to stop forcing forgiveness”

Jesus on forgiveness & power dynamics

My whole forgiveness tag has other quotes and posts you might find helpful.

[changbeens]

Sorry to butt in but as a creator seeing all this go down from afar i just need to say something

Time after time after time after time i see the same arguement being made about reblogs and liking and requests and it always comes from "doing this thing gives me anxiety" and "doing that thing annoys me" and its like.......you have options here?

1. Dont post on tumblr

2. Dont request on tumblr

3. Dont be on tumblr.

If your experiences with reblogging give you so much anxiety and the fandom creators you follow ask for merely a reblog for their content bugs you so much then why are you here in the first place. It truly baffles me that people just have the audacity to be rude or inconsiderate of others rather than just mind their own business and curate their own experience for themselves

Its truly as if people do not recognize that creators on here are not bots, we make this content for ourselves because this is our hobby and its something we love and sometimes we want to share what we love with others, which is why requests even exist, to spread our hobbies to others. So yeah, the least yoh can do is fucking reblog

The ONLY excuse for not reblogging is if A. The cc doesn't answer the ask or tag you so you have no idea if they posted it in the first place or B. You send an anon and just forget to come back and check later. I know I've done the ladder on accident before, but it doesnt mean you should be arguing against reblogging content that we put HOURS into. Yes its a hobby but its a time consuming hobby so yeah a reblog would be nice

I dont get why we constantly have to have this conversation over and over and over. Like, think about it. You wouldn't ask your friend to paint a portrait of you and not hang it on your wall, or display it somewhere? Thats mean, and your friend would be hurt, so why are you doing it to us? You wouldnt buy a piece of art just to throw it in the garage never to be touched again.

Please for the love of god, get a grip on reality

Im sorry for the rant 😭

everything you said is exactly right. i wrote out a post (actually i wrote out 3 posts and deleted them all lol) about it after publishing that ask and i likened it to requesting a painting too. i also likened it to me buying a changbin photocard but then not putting it in my binder with the other photocards and just leaving it in the envelop it was delivered in

sure, all i do is make movie posters but sometimes they take 5 hours. i could spend that 5 hours making posters for other people or playing genshin but i spent that 5 hours making a movie poster for someone that had requested it. i really dont think its too much to ask for a lil reblog if i spend 5 hours working on something specifically for you

[a-dustlandfairytale]

People don't talk enough about how grief feels like a freight train running through your chest. There is no definitive conclusion on when it will end nor fade. Some days you feel kinda normal and you wonder why your friends treat you like glass. Other days you feel like even a pin drop could cause you to break down. This post is very personal so don't read ahead if you don't feel up to it.

I was reading texts that were from my dad, whom I lost 2 years ago, and I've been crying. It feels like needles of torture, but somehow worse than that would be to forget and ignore, because it feels like that's what everyone is already doing. It feels like my lungs fill up with fluid and I wanna cry out with animalistic wails as I grieve. Boy do I grieve. Grief is used too sparingly for a word that takes a bite out of your world.

My dad died when I was 19 (going on 20) I'm the most painful way possible for me. He had been sick on and off for months. He promised he would go to the doctor if he wasn't feeling well. He didn't and I ended up finding him dead. I had to tell my family he died. When I found him I didn't even know, I couldn't tell. He looked peaceful, like he was sleeping, but he was on the floor. I called my mom to come up from the car as they were divorced. Not long later she told me to look away and thats when I knew. I don't even remember what the cops asked me when they arrived. I just kept looking to where my mom covered him in a blanket. I couldn't breathe. I still don't think I can breathe sometimes.

5 months later my oldest brother died. His mom and stepfather had always been alcoholics and always peer pressured him into drinking. My dad definitely didn't love it but it was hard to beat a guy who was literally a multimillionaire. My brother became an alcoholic as he grew up. He always thought he could just have a drink on the weekends after he got out of rehab. A month after my dad died he almost died from liver failure and didn't tell us. He just told me he was in the hospital. So he kept getting mad as I nagged him. I was so worried. Foe good reason as I would soon find out. His doctor gave him maybe 5 years to live if he stopped drinking. Maybe a year otherwise. He told us on canada day. I held his hand as he died in the hospital barely 2 weeks later during covid restrictions, which meant only 2 people could be there. Only me and his girlfriend were there. His mom was too scared to see him die. His body was so thin and his hands so swollen. They couldn't give him anymore blood cause he kept bleeding out. He actually died with a liquor bottle in his arms. While i didnt love it, it was his last wish, it was the last thing i could help do for him. Before I met my brothers mom and stepdad, I never knew I could truly hate someone. Her and her husband are people I truly hate and will never forgive. Their daughter died this year from an overdose 2 days after I saw her. They only have 1 kid now.

I've never been able to find a therapist that works for me. Like there have been some okay ones but when it comes down to it, it seems that according to them veryone and clearly it hasn't been working for me. Since all this happened it's not unlike chidis reference to the ocean, thats how my grief feels and I want it to just go back to the ocean, but at the same time, much like Eleanor, im so scared I'm gonna somehow lose along the way. It's been 2 years.

I'm 22. I wanna be normal. I want my dad and brother here so badly. I wish I had been by my dads side earlier and helped him. I have so many regrets but I feel like I can't let them go.

Anyways back to our regular scheduled programming.

[weeb-writor]

Do you still love me?

Hello lovelies! Today I am back with a angst piece but a happy ending don't fret too much! I was really thinking about making it end horribly or leaving it up to the readers imagination but I decided nahh i couldn't do that to my heart. So here Bakugou and his s/o who fell out of love??(or did they??) when then have a large family in the mix. I have also decided im kind of obsessed with domestic pieces lol, they are like more than half of all my posts. Anywho, reader is neutral hope you guys enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

You and Bakugou call its quits not thinking of what it would do to your 5 kids who are stuck in the middle

Words:  3606

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“Are we going to dad’s today?” Hiroyuki asked softly.

“Yeah, your going to spend the weekend with him, all of you.” You smiled at him.

“Can I bring Tokki?” He said looking at the ground already knowing your answer.

“We went over this last time baby, Daddy can't have pets at his new place and Tokki is a cat, he likes staying at home.” You said with a sigh. It really sucks that it came down to this, spend a week with you then a weekend with dad, then rinse repeat. Sometimes you even wondered if it was better. That’s what you and Bakugou told each other, I mean what else can you do when you fall out of love? You approached your car where all of your other children were waiting. You and Hiroyuki sat down and signaled the diver to go.

“We going to daddy’s right?” Kohana said as she bounced around in her seat. You booped her nose and nodded at her.

“Yay, daddy’s home!” Yoko said, clapping.

“Don't get excited Yoko, Dad’s probably busy. Were probably gonna be with Grandpa and Grandma.” Hiroyuki said playing with your fingers.

“You're so dramatic Yuki! Of course dad is busy! He is a Hero but he always makes time for us.” Your oldest said little explosion going off around her.

“Kaori.” You warned her with a stern voice. The little sparks calmed and she went back to quietly gazing out the window. 

“Your dad is a hero and therefore busy but I know he is very excited to see you all and will spend all the time he has with you.” You smiled at them. They all smiled back before going back into relative silence. When you and Bakugou decided to have a big family you were ecstatic and so was he. This, however, wasn't what you imagined. A tiny rift right threw your family and it was growing bigger everyday. When you told the kids about the spilt they didnt say much and the youngest ones didnt even really understand but as they lived through it, they changed. They formed their own opinions about who’s fault it is and why it happened. And now they were splitting up, there was Kaori the eldest who didn't care too much, Yoko, and Kohana. At the opposite end was Hiroyuki, just him. Your fragile little boy who was so sure it was his dad’s fault. Saiyuri was too young to choose a side but all the change wasn't really helping the 11th month old baby.

“We have arrived.” The diver announced. You thanked him while getting everyone out of the seats and exiting the car. Bakugou lived in an apartment now at the tippy top of course. It was a long and loud elevator ride as your kids were antsy to see their dad. When it opened Bakugou was standing there waiting for them and was immediately met with an armful of girls.

“Daddy! I missed you so much!” Kohana said almost in tears.

“Misses Daddy.” Yoko echoed her sister.

“Yeah, I missed all you brats too, you better have been on your best behavior! You have to keep up the Bakugou reputation.” He teased them

“Of course we have! I'm still number one in my quirk development classes. Yuki has the best grades in all of his grade. Kohana is reading at a 3rd grade level already and Yoko and Saiyuri are everyone's favorite at the Daycare!” Kaori said with vigor.

“Yeah, your all Bakugou’s for sure.” He chuckled at them. He turned to talk to Hiroyuki but he was gone. You heard a door shut, he was probably already in his room.

“I've got homework to do dad and them we should do something all together!” Kaori said kissing his check before taking off. Her sisters followed her as usual.

“How long do you think he’ll be like that?” Bakugou asked you with a sigh.

“Honestly I don't know, it's not like I tell him awful things about you. Maybe it would have been better if we did cause then he would have one thing to be angry about, one event, It would be easier than him just being angry at you.” You said placing Saiyuri onto the ground to walk around.

“They’re so mature and smart I forget they’re so young. Hell we don't understand why it happened, you can't just pinpoint a time where you fell outta love, it’s gradual. So how can we expect them too.” Bakugou said, sounding in pain.

“Yeah, sucks they had to witness it. I’ve got to go meet up with someone but just… He thinks you’re going to call your parents and abandon them to do Hero work. I know you can't put off everything but I think he just wants to know that for once he can come first to you.” You said as you kissed Saiyoui’s forehead. You were about to enter the elevator when a weight crashed into you. You didn't have to look down too far to see Hiroyuki hugging you.

“Take care of Tokki, please.”

“Yes and you make sure you and your sisters behave for your dad.” He sighed but nodded at you. You gave him one last hair ruffle before leaving. You couldn't help but think this wasn't ever gonna get any easier. You sighed before heading to the next destination, a café to meet with a few of your friends.

“Y/N!” You heard a voice call to you as soon as you opened the door. You identified the voice as Mina.

“Mina! Long time no see!” You said giving her a hug.

“Y/n, dear come sit down.” Momo said smiling at you, you sat down with the group.

“How are you doing.” Mina asked you cautiously

“I’m surprisingly doing awful, I see Bakugou too much to truly get over him. The kids are still adjusting to us being apart and Hiroyuki has been really upset and distant. I thought breaking up would fix a lot but it just made everything worse.” You sighed out.

“Well of course it did!!!” Urakara whisper yelled.

“You and Bakugou called it quits way too soon! I've never seen someone handle Bakugou the way you do. I’ve never seen anyone love him like you. Hell Bakugou loves you so much it’s ridiculous! Do you remember when he was gonna put his hero work on hold because of Kaori! I’m sorry y/n but I’m not buying this fell out of love thing.” Deku rushed out.

“Mm I’d have to agree. If there is anything I’ve learned from being friends with Bakugou it’s that he never half ass anything and if he put time into it he’s gonna see it through till the end so, logically it doesn’t make sense.” Todoroki said quietly.

“Yeah so what’s your side of the story?” Mina asked carefully.

“I… loved him, you know and when we had kids it only intensified but now it’s different. Bakugou is a great dad don’t get me wrong but he’s absent and that was fine when it was just me, Kaori, Hiroyuki, and Kohana but now there is Yoko and Saiyuri. It’s hard when they all have different school times and different needs cause of their ages. It’s hard because I had to put part of my life on hold, I went to UA too and I was supposed to be one of the greatest support people out there, every agency would want me. But it was Bakugou’s dream first so I sacrificed it all in a heartbeat. Over the years he just got more busy and I got more left behind. I’m tired of waiting up till 3am to make sure he’s alright knowing I have to be up at 7 to get the kids ready for school. I… love him and I don’t want to argue with him and I could feel myself growing angry at him, feel myself growing resentful. So I brought it up under the disguise of “do you still love me” and he said No… so that was that and we were done the next week.” You said not meeting their eyes. They just looked at you with wide eyes.

“Y/n I’m sorry, I didn’t know you felt like this.” Momo said softly.

“It’s fine, he is the love of my life and our kids are my everything so I would do it all again, just for them.” You smiled with a few tears cascading down your face.

“You haven’t tried to talk to him about this, you still love him, you guys can fix this.” Deku said almost mumbling.

“But he doesn’t love me and so there is nothing to talk about. Now come on let’s talk about something else. You can hear sob stories like mine anytime.” You waved them off. They were hesitant but the conversation did pick up about their lives and your time at UA, at least the happy parts. The rest of your two days without your kids were a blur. You just remember waking up with your phone going off a Monday.

“Hello is this Bakugou Y/n?” A women’s said. The title hurt just a bit.

“Yes it is.” You responded drowsily.

“I am very sorry you have to receive a call like this but your son Bakugou Hiroyuki has been rushed to the hospital, his sister did refuse to leave his side so she is there as well.” You were silent before hanging up and immediately calling Bakugou.

“What’s up?” He rushed out. He sounded panicked so he must have gotten a call too.

“I need you to pick up Yoko and Saiyuri.” You said rushing to put in on your clothes.

“What? But yuki is in the hospital, we’ve got to be there.” He said 

“Yes but they are done with daycare in.” You paused to look at the clock on your way out the door. “A hour. If we don’t get them now we’ll have to leave him to get them.” You said finally in your car.

“Yeah and he would rather be with you than me…” he trailed off.

“I didn’t say that.” You rushed out

“You didn’t need to, I'll get them and be there as soon as I can.” He said hanging up. You sighed and continued your drive to the hospital. When you got there you rushed to the room where you looked in and saw your son unconscious and Kaori laying next to him.

“So he is going to be okay, we do want him to remain here for another day or two.” The doctor said to you, smiling.

“Okay but what’s wrong with him.” 

“Well he hasn’t been eating or drinking or sleeping enough, especially for a boy experiencing his growth spurt. Pair that with how much he has been using his quirk in class and you have a pretty bad situation.” She said as if it was nothing to worry about.

“Uhhh okay so we just need to make sure he is eating and drinking right?” You said pacing a little.

“Yeah and I would figure out what made him stop. Your daughter was very adamant about it not being abuse just that there was something going on at home and he is trying to deal with it.” The doctor said as you froze thinking you did this to him.

“Just a divorce…” you trailed off.

“Yeah that will do it but I don’t need to know about it. It's your business just make sure to talk to him so you don’t end up back here.” She said before leaving, you let out a few tears before heading into the room. Noticing you, Kaori got up and was hugging you tighter than she ever had.

“Did you know he wasn’t taking care of himself?” You asked, stroking her hair. She shook her head no.

“I didn’t either, I didn’t know it was hitting him so hard… you know you can ask me about anything, tell me anything… me and your dad will always be in your corner.” You said lifting her chin so you gazed into her eyes.

“But you're both not in our corner anymore. You guys are in to different corners and it’s hard to keep up with two different houses and two different.. well everything’s.” She said looking away from you.

“I never meant to you guys to feel like this, I just…” You trailed off but before you could finish Hiroyuki tossed and turned in his bed.

“Yuki sweetie, can you hear me?” You said as you rushed to his side.

“Mmm.” He said, he’s eyes still shut in pain.

“Oh baby, i'm so sorry I didn't notice you were in pain. It’s never gonna happen again, okay? Do you need something?” You said stroking his hair, he hummed before falling back to sleep. You sighed and kissed his forehead.

“So whats up with him?” Bakugou rushed into the room with the girls in his arms.

“He hasn’t been eating, or drinking, or sleeping. So when he used his quirk it drained his body and he’s here for 1 or 2 more days.” You said eyes never leaving his.

“That's impossible, he was just with me… he… didn't eat very much.” He trailed off. You hummed at him understanding how he was felling as you missed the signs too.

“Hey, girls I texted Grandma and Grandpa and they said they miss you so much. So while we take care of Yuki how about you guys go see them, yeah? Mr. Yuri is waiting to take you.” You smiled at them. You see a fire rise in Kaori but it goes out quick as Bakugou ruffles her hair.

“Okay then, be good for them and don't cause too much trouble. Mr. Yuri will pick up Kohana, Kaori please explain what's happening to her. And don't worry, we’ll see you real soon.” You said waving the girls out of the room. When they were out of sight you and Bakugou visually deflated. 

“Katsuki, how does this keep happening?” You asked him

“What?”

“How do things keep getting worse, first the break up, then the kids being mad at each other, Yuki’s anger at you, and now this.” You cried out.

“The break up was bad to you?” He asked voice cracking.

“Why wouldn't it be, Katsuki I know you don't love me anymore but I…” You trailed off

“Would you just spit it out dumbass! This is why we didn't work out because you never say shit. You just bottle it up and never lean on me or depend on me the way I do to you. You used to say “we're a team” all the time but in the last 2 years you haven't said it once. It was you who fell out of love with me so don't pretend like it was so hard for you.” He yelled at you.

“This is why we don't talk Katsuki, all you wanna do is yell and project all the feelings you bottle up from working so goddamn much. Of course it was hard on me and you would know why if you could drop your ego and talk to me like you can tolerate being around me or love me!” You yelled back at him but before the argument could turn into a big screaming match your sons voice rang out.

“Would you two just stop it…” He said weakly.

“Yuki, im sorry we shouldn't have been yelling even if you were asleep.” Bakugou said caressing his check. At the touch Hiroyuki let out the tears he’s been holding in.

“Its us isn't it?” He paused to look at you. “Me and my sisters… You had Kaori and me pretty young and you didn't really get to be young. You had all of us before you really got to live together just the two of you.. And Uncle Izuku and Auntie Urakara's relationship is doing fine even though they started to date around the same time as you, difference is they just started having kids like 4 years ago… Im 12 and Kaori is 13. So its us isnt?…” He said curling into himself.

“Kid, I'm not gonna lie to you, having you and Kaori at the ages we did was a nightmare. We were barely out of school, we lived with my parents for a while cause we didn't have jobs or a place of our own and even we did get one it was a shitty hole in the wall place but even at the young age of 19 we pulled our shit together and made it work so when you came a year later we were a lot more prepared. Yes we did miss out on a lot of things people our age did but we had you and Kaori and that was so much better than party’s and hangovers. Then we decided to have Kohana, Yoko, and Saiyuri and you all make us so happy. You all have nothing, not a damn thing to do with what's going on between me and y/n. If we ever made you feel like you did we didn't mean to. We love you so much and I am so sorry if we ever made it seem like it was your fault.” Bakugou said, eyes boring into Hiroyuki’s. Hiroyuki looked at you and you nodded to show you agreed with Bakugou.

“Don't ever forget how much we love you, okay? Now you should eat, we’ll get you anything you want.” You said wiping your tears with a smile.

“If it's not too much trouble, I want you and dad’s spicy pork curry and you guys should take some to the girls.” He said drowsily.

“But in order to make that we both would have to leave since it's a meal we make together… we couldn't leave you here alone.” You said mostly to yourself before any could say anything else a new voice was heard entering the room.

“You guys go talk and make him some food, ill stay with him. I didn't watch you guys terribly flirt and kiss everywhere just for it to end over some miscommunications.” Aizawa said as he took the seat next to Hiroyuki. Aizawa had remained close with a lot of students from 1A, becoming like a second dad but he had been extra close with you and Bakugou. When Kaori came into the equation he was like a nanny to her and it only increased when Hiroyuki was born, the two having a really strong bond so neither you or Bakugou was shocked he showed up.

“Okay, then old man. Watch my kid.” Bakugou said, grabbing your hand and pulling you away. You almost forgot what his calloused hand felt like. He drug you to his car and the car ride was mostly silent. The talking began when you began to cook in the house you used to share.

“Do you love me?” You asked as you cut pork

“Yes, I love you. I never stopped, I am in love with you y/n. Today I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow.” He said slicing onions.

“Then why did you say that, say that you didn't love me.”

“Because I could see it, you don't look at me the same. We don't talk the way we used to. I don't want to string you along and make you hate being with me, because I love you more than life itself. And I was scared that one day you would wake up and you wouldn't need me and realize how easy it would be to leave me. That it would be my fault we ended because I was so focused on me I didn't see your pain. Scared that I would wake up and gaze into your eyes and find no love or joy in them. So I decided to let you go… I was thinking we just needed a break but you suggested a divorce and I agreed because I would do anything to make sure you keep that beautiful smile of yours. Even if you weren't smiling at me anymore… do you..” He said calmly, growing more emotional with each word.

“Yea, I never ever stopped. I was just tired, I am tired. But I want nothing more than for us to work… we can get through this, can't we?” You asked cautiously.

“Of course we can, we are Bakugous, we can do whatever the hell we want. And it will be different this time, we’ll talk about things and communicate better, I swear. I aint seeing a shrink though.” He said flicking water at you to make his last point more effective.

“Yes we are.” You giggled at him.

“No we aren't, you shitty dumbass. We don't need help, I can talk about my feelings without some dumb wanna be life coach.” He yelled as he began to wash the rice.

“Well we don't have to but I guess that means Zuku and Urakara have a better relationship than us since they go to counseling…” you trailed off with a shrug.

“Oh fuck you!” He roared at you, you giggled knowing he would now go. This was the most normal you felt in months, the happiest for sure. Just maybe things would be okay, and who were you kidding you could never fall out of love with the spiky haired explosion boy no matter what he did. It was toxic in a way but you could unpack that in the therapy sessions you were gonna force him to attend.

[turtle-steverogers]

she is very long so. enjoy😌

- Steve n Bucky going to the bodega down the street from their apartment. it’s open till like 4am and they go at all hours. sometimes they’ll go separately but they always go together when they go in between 12-4 am and no one who works there questions why

- they get a cat that they treat her like their child. it’s Alpine ofc😌 steve loves her so much but he knows it’s Bucky’s Cat and he’s fine with it

- you know how some siblings or partners or friends can communicate with their eyes and basically have telepathy? they totally have that and it annoys the shit out of every single person they meetjdksndks. someone will be talking to them and they will just make eye contact with each other bc it reminded them of an earlier convo they had or they both got annoyed by the other person or it reminds them of an inside joke or something and it just irritates EVERYONE. no one is able to intercept it and it’s just a thing that no matter what - even though they don’t mean to - you’ll feel a little left out when you’re with steveandbucky. it just comes with the gig. i like to imagine that depending on if it’s an au or not, its either really obvious or not. like in an au then yes it’s obvious they can have non verbal conversations, but if it’s not an au then it’s not entirely obvious bc they’re enhanced humans and they know how to hide their secret conversations. but everyone they talk to is essentially an enhanced human or has special abilities so it’s obvious to them and they catch them in the act LOL. if they’re interacting with regular people then it’s not very obvious though

- DATE NIGHT!!! yes they’re old yes they have date night. when they go out it’s usually to places in their neighborhood, but a lot of the time they like to stay in bc. they’re old men <3 steve is better at cooking and bucky is better at baking bc you can get creative with cooking and steve likes that more. he enjoys baking a lot too but he thinks bucky’s stuff tastes better. whenever they stay home though there’s ALWAYS a movie. always. they alternate choosing but there is always a movie to watch. bucky usually falls asleep nearing the end and steve plays with his hair😌 he rolls his eyes cause it happens every time but he actually likes when it happens bc he can braid strands of hair together

- pet names oh my god. so many pet names. every single one. mainly from bucky. steve uses them but maybe like two. he favors sweetie and buck and that’s it really. sometimes he uses hon. bucky though oh my god. every single pet name under the sun. so many variations of doll you wouldn’t believe - baby doll ofc, dolly, stevie doll. sweetheart. sweetness. blondie. pretty boy. hot stuff. stevie. baby. hon. honey. sunshine. angel. it’s just so many. and it’s like very sickening insane twisted etc but hot at the same time. most people are like jeez barnes do you ever shut up… but most of these people secretly think it’s a little hot theyre thinking damn where is that affection for me…. i need me a bucky barnes :| steve is the only smitten kitten outwardly even if he huffs and puffs sometimes but it’s obvious he enjoys it. like they are so annoyingjdkssn for real they aren’t a pda couple really but the petnames….. so many. so so so many it’s sickeningly sweet but bucky dgaf! steve is his sweetheart his dolly his baby his angel so he’s going to call him these things!

- steve knows his body is what is considered “perfect” but he still is insecure about it around most people and bucky knows this so when steve lounges at home in bucky’s boxer briefs and his own tee shirt or he kicks off his pants when he’s too hot at night in bed bucky is reminded of just how much steve loves him and feels comfortable around him which is something he always strives for - to make steve comfortable. not baby him because steve bitches at anyone that does that to him but to make him feel comfortable

- and on the subject of feeling comfortable i imagine that they always check in with one another but it’s very subconscious they hardly realize they do it. like steve will bitch at bucky to pick up his shoes from their doorway or to clean his hair from the shower drain but the next second he will ask him if his back still hurts from being kicked by sam and from where steve AND alpine scratched him (in very different ways)

- steve is the sweater husband and bucky is the sweatshirt husband. they trade off a lot but that’s just how their closets look

- steve takes a liking to crop tops 😌 but ONLY around the house bc again he’s really truly only comfortable around bucky. he wears em with boxer briefs or sweatpants but you can guarantee that the briefs and sweats usually just end up on the floor 9 out of 10 times

- hair ties everywhere. they can be found on the floor in the laundry in their bed in the couch on top of the fridge on their fire escape. they are literally everywhere. steve just picks them up and puts them in the bathroom but they always make their way back. he doesn’t say anything to bucky until he finds alpine chewing one and she ends up smacking herself in the face with the hairtie

- their fridge is always full with leftovers and food from sam or clint’s or whoever’s house or takeout. they always eat it all but they get and make a lot of food so the fridge is always full

- subconsciously bucky always has a hand on the back of steve’s neck. like it’s not ENTIRELY a possessive thing but he used to do it a lot when steve was small because it was easy and it was comfortable. for him and just for him and steve. it was like swinging an arm around steve’s shoulders or putting a hand on his shoulder. it was just natural and easy so he did it. a part of him back then prewar did it possessively too, but he always tampered that down bc steve wasn’t his. now he does it without shame

- steve really likes tofu and vegan meat, non dairy milk like almond and soy, and overall a lot of non dairy vegan foods, and a lot of fruits. he gets made fun of for a lot specifically about the vegan stuff but his reasoning is that there’s so much food accessible for people with allergies in the future that he wished existed a hundred years ago so he’s going to try it and stick with it if he likes it. people shut up after that

- he also tips a little more than he needs to everywhere he goes. everywhere. like it’s cool when steve rogers walks in to a restaurant bc he’s a superhero or whatever but its REALLY cool because he leaves a generous tip and that’s what really makes peoples day

- before they get legally married they are still very much married. like “i packed you lunch, meet me at the restaurant instead of me going to pick you up bc it’ll take longer, i got takeout let’s bitch together while we watch shitty reality tv, let’s bitch at EACH OTHER through the phone in public, let’s send each other ugly pictures of each other or funny texts while we’re right next to each other, i’m out with a group and you’re not there and i say multiple times ‘i miss steve/bucky’, let’s yell at each other from opposite ends of the apartment instead of getting up to see each other, steve i’m going to fuck you on the couch bc our room is too far, etc.” they are just very much married without the documents and legalities and it’s very obvious

okay all of these were ABSOLUTELY wonderful and im really going to restrain my urge to respond to each and every one but that might be futile

-okay YES they definitely go to that bodega at all hours, and usually it's for normal things when they go separately: milk, cereal, toilet paper. but when they go in the middle of the night, they almost always purchase some like odd assortment of candies and deli meat. also, they're always in their pajamas. like bucky's in plaid pj pants and a star wars sweatshirt, and steve is in like 5" shorts and a huge crewneck and they're both in slides and they definitely only speak russian to each other when they're in there after hours

-yes alpine! they also have a dog, that is more steve than bucky's!! his name is norman in my headcanon (and a couple of my fics) and he is best boy

-okay i need more of this in my general stucky life: steve and bucky being like,,, best friends as well as lovers and being so seamlessly close. like yeah, they definitely talk with their eyes, or just one glance, or half-sentences ("hey, did you ever get to--" "yup, on the way home. it was so--" "yeah, good. glad to hear") and they know exactly what the other is saying.

-yes to the date nights!!! and when they stay in to watch movies, they make Tons of popcorn. and they Have to make separate batches, because steve will Only eat his with like half a bottle of that powdered white cheddar on his

-YES we share the same fucking headcanon for petnames on god

Steve: love you, buck:)

Bucky: love you, pumpkin

-Steve definitely has body dysmorphia, probably even post serum (I have lots of thoughts on this, that might be a different post) and yeah, Bucky definitely knows its Big that he feels comfortable enough to be exposed around him (and he's even more honored that steve lets him be intimate with him, because that's really hard for steve, too)

-yeah! and easy check ins like "ur stomach still bothering you from last night?" "oh, no it was just a little bug turns out" or like "my head hurts:(" "i have meds in my bag. you want?" "yeah, just two" or like subtly checking on injuries, yeah

-yeah the sweater versus sweatshirt tracks tbh i picture steve in a lot of crewnecks so yeah

-STEVE IN CROP TOPS STEVE IN CROP TOPS and i raise you they're often ones he's cropped himself and he's also painted on! or bleach painted!! and theyre so cool and bucky never wants to make a big deal out of it, but he's so proud of steve for expressing himself like that

-ALPINE SMACKING HERSELF ALKFJALSDKFJA also steve always has a hairtie on HIS wrist in case bucky forgets one for himself

-they also always have Steve Staple Foods cuz i headcanon steve as a picky eater (adhd!steve + serum enhancements, it's down to a formula) so they have a lot of Kraft mac and cheese and easy heat up meals and lunch meats around for when he's having bad food days

-OMG and steve absolutely MELTS i raise you, too, bucky will especially hold the back of his neck when he needs to get steve to Chill Out. so like if he sees him stressing he'll put his hand on the back of his neck and squeeze and literally feel the tension drain from him or like if steve is having a panic attack, he'll hold the back of his neck while they breathe together

-yes and also any time that steve is Choosing food for himself and feeling motivated to eat it, it's a win, so people learn to back off there, too

-yes! he tips generously, but never awkwardly or offensively. he's also super kind and patient to food service workers!

-this last point is so perfect i cant. like yeah, back to steve and bucky just being,,,, the best of friends. ugly selfies galore, shoving their feet in each other's face, flicking each others ears. and yes, all the fucking gossiping. on the phone gossip, venting, fun gossip from around work. they talk about it all. and it's so great for them

thank you again for stopping by! your thoughts are impeccable!

[constancevonnuvelle]

Literally how does the sun thing work??: The post

warning: long (probably I don’t know I haven’t written it yet by the time I’ve made this warning)

Ok now that everyone who doesn’t care are gone (aka everyone except me) get ready for my extremely strange head canons that I can’t even explain the reasoning behind it I wanted to. I’m just putting down general things first, I’ll talk about more details later.

1) Constance does not remember what happens as the other version of herself.

2) Switching too often hurts her head.

3) She only switches if it’s direct sunlight on her skin, so if theres a tiny sun beam lighting up the room shes not affected, same with if she holds her arm out and it hits her sleeve, but if it hits her hand then she switches, then if it’s blocked by something she switches back.

4) That’s also why she wears long clothes, it’s less likely to hit her. She’s just too lazy to carry a parasol (and she can’t afford one anyway).

5) Transparent items do not work to protect her from the sun, like transparent curtains. Only thick curtains will save her.

6) Her hair also does not save her from the sun. If she gets hit in the back of her head with a sunbeam, she will switch.

7) It was caused by the trauma from the fall of her house and her family dying (canon :( ) but why it connected to the sun is something I don’t have an answer for yet.

8) Her nimbus charm doesn’t actually do anything. It might have at one point, since when she bought it the sky was cloudy for like a month. It either expired or she bought it from a pyramid scheme that happened to know a weatherman or something. She still holds onto it in hopes of it working again. Hasn’t considered that if it does work she can just recharge it, for some reason. It just never occurred to her.

IM TALKING ABOUT IT NOW

Constance (Indoors):

Knows her other self exists and hates it. She has no idea what happens as her other self, and only gets the general idea from what she hears from other people or evidence she gathers from her items being moved/broken from their original state. She will have no idea who a person is if she’s only met them in her other state. They have to be completely reintroduced to her so if someone is really good friends with sunny Constance (somehow) and approach her indoors, she will have no idea who they are no matter how many hours and important moments they had together. She’s really embarrassed of her other self so she tries her hardest to make sure people never find out about it. She doesn’t have a good cover story for it though, since when she has time to come up with one she doesn’t need it so she forgets to. She just has to lie on the spot, which she is not very good at. Overall: a bad time.

Constance (Outdoors):

Doesn’t know she’s not the main Constance, or that indoor Constance exists at all. Anyone Constance truly cares about though, subdued Constance also knows. It’s a good gauge of telling how much Constance likes you, however it’s best that you don’t tell Constance about that test. Subdued Constance doesn’t really know how she knows these people but she honestly doesn’t care. Same with how she gets one place to another magically, or the days that pass between memories sometimes. Her apathy and self-hatred override everything that would make her realize she isn’t the only Constance.

And yeah that’s about all I can come up with that makes sense to write here at the moment. Thank you for indulging my boredom that possessed me to put this down. Hopefully this potentially clears up any confusion at Constance’s actions for everyone currently threading with her or anyone who does in the future. Okay bye-

[clumsyclifford]

5 for hello hello, 6 for spiderman au, 16, 20 for you seem so damn familiar, 26, 32, 41, 28, aaaand 19 for situation overload (yes i realize these are not in numerical order we're really aiming for chaos today) -megs 💙

numerical order is for bitches <3

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about hello, hello? Answer it now! god i don't know, i feel like this fic has been beaten to death and every possible question must have been asked by now. except for what is calum's job. but i do not want anyone to ask me that. honestly i can't think of anything!!! feel free to come up with a question about hello hello and ask it to me. maybe we'll find one that hasn't been asked before.

6. What’s one fact about the universe of spiderman AU that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself? when luke and michael were younger, michael had a crush on luke!! luke was his first crush on a boy and was how he knew that he liked boys. it never went anywhere and he didn't tell anyone and eventually the crush went away. later michael told luke about this and they had a laugh about it.

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)? can't say baseball AU again huh. fine. i can come up with other answers to this. im still waiting for someone (meghna) to write up and coming country artist alex and local nashville music producer rian AU. it's just swimming with potential. and i'd love to read jewish fic that wasn't written by me !! a pipe dream i know but it would be nice. as for one i have read and loved, this 1d Top Model AU is my fucking lifeblood. i'd actually love any reality/competition tv show AU (usual disclaimer i know molly wrote a bake off one and i know i havent read it and i know im terrible the worst person ever for that reason and im sorry baruch hashem) because i love reality/competition TV, but (1) it's hard to translate that medium to fic, and (2) i, at least, don't know jack shit about the inner workings of reality television so couldnt write this from the perspective of someone within without getting a lot of things very wrong which is a little too much inaccuracy for my taste.

20. If you wrote a prequel to you seem so damn familiar, what would it involve? im not sure that a yssdf prequel would be very interesting, since the idea (apart from the whole jalex thing) is that it's a "canon compliant" fic right up until alex loses his memory. i have maybe one idea for what a prequel might look like but unfortunately i can't tell you what it is because you haven't read the relevant part of the fic yet. sorry :/

26. Would you rather write a fic that had no dialogue or one that was only dialogue? ONLY DIALOGUE ONLY DIALOGUE ONLY DIALOGUE im a dialogue slut we know this i LOVE dialogue i would happily write a fic that was only dialogue. that's essentially just a group chat fic really

32. What’s your ideal fic length to read? mmm like 3-5k? i really like things that i can sit down and read relatively quickly in one go. the reason for that is it makes it easier to leave comments because i don't have to worry as much about forgetting what i liked from the beginning by the time i get to the end. also they're easier to reread. i like fics of many lengths but that's probably my ideal.

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.” well i linked cardiac attack here. let's take a trip down memory lane and link a maggie fic!!!!! i have sung the praises of fangirl AU a thousand times but actually i'm going to link got lost in the glare (I couldn't see you there) aka the magical bakery AU by my darling @calumsclifford. it's just so clever and so creative and so unique!!!! inspirational truly. and the way michael and ashton's ~magic~ complements the other's??????? brilliant. showstopping. spectacular. etc.

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them? If so, who? it depends on the fic!!! sometimes nobody reads them. i sort of half-try to minimize how many people read the fic before it's posted because i want people to read it when it's posted. that being said, a lot of the time i do send the doc to someone because either i want validation or i want someone to tell me it doesn't suck. the majority of the time it will be to @tirednotflirting and/or @reveriesofawriter (sam & meghna), which is at least partly because they're my main audience now that i write mostly jalex/atl fic. i try not to pester helen about fic but every once in a blue moon ill ask her if she's available to read something because she is extremely liberal in leaving comments on docs and that validation hits different. u dont know love until a doc littered with highlighted lines. and then sometimes im looking for a slightly more critical eye in which case ill probably ask adri bc i trust them to point out mistakes/inconsistencies/problems.

19. If you wrote a spin-off of situation overload (do it for baltimore), what would it involve? mmm interesting question. maybe jack and alex going to a baseball game but they invite zack and rian? i would have to find a way to justify that happening but it would be cute to have all four of them at an orioles game.

questions for fic writers

[violetnotez]

Is the this the longest fic Ive ever written? Yes. Does it suck? Also yes. Will nobody read it because it makes no sense but Im still going to post because I wasted way too much damn on this thing? TRIPLE YES.

Word count: 10.4k words (she thicc)

Genre: Angst and Fluff, sfw

AU: Fantasy AU!, Hanahaki disease

Prompt: “How could your keep this from?”

Warnings: blood

Summary: You are born into a worls where you must marry your best friend, Prince Shoto, in order to unite your kingdoms in harmony. You are happy to marry your childhood friend and love, until he leaves for a quest unannounced, and you are left questioning if you really want to marry him. Once he returns a few weeks before your planned wedding, you begin to not fall in love with him, but one of his comrades- the barbarian, Bakugo. 

*this is for the even for @bnhabookclub​! Heres the link to the post if your interested!

Again. welcome to the shitshow that is my blog. read at your own risk cause this gets REAL WIERD REAL QUICK

Petals-all you could see were the petals.

Your mouth and  throat felt so dry, your forehead damp with sweat as your back convulsed painfully, raspy coughs wracking out of your chest as you forced the petals out of your body.

They were so pale, like creamy vanilla, a stark contrast from the droplets of your blood splattered on the delicate buds.

You quickly reached for your handkerchief, wiping the residue off your dry mouth in fear of it dribbling on to your white dress-your wedding dress. Your hands were shaking, unable to cry any more tears at your misery-you had come to terms many weeks ago that you were going to reach an unhappy end.

Why did it have to be him?

----------------

You were the princess of your kingdom, destined to marry Prince Shoto of the neighboring kingdom. It was something you two had been accustomed to from birth- in order to connect  the two kingdoms and end the quarrels between the two civilizations, you had to marry. It would be a harmonious marriage: Prince Shoto was kind, soft spoken, and a natural born leader. You two had been wonderful friends as siblings, your fathers putting away their troubles in order for you two to get along. They were hoping that by making you friends at a young age, you would learn to grow feelings for each other.

 For a time, it worked-you had fallen for Prince Shoto, his soft yet powerful demeanor making you  blush each time you remembered him, your young hands writing your name with his last in your journal like a prayer. At 13 you already began to count down the days until you would turn 18, because on that day, you were set to marry your predestined lover- Shoto Todoroki.

For years you had felt so lucky you were blessed with such a sweet boy to be with, being able to live out your lives harmoniously and in peace, something both your parents didn't have the luxury to have. It sometimes left you feeling frustrated- Shoto was truly kind, but very quiet about his thoughts. Your love felt one sided, Shoto seemingly only tolerating you because he had to. 

Once he got older, he became more distant towards you, clearly wishing to rebel against his father’s wishes by being distant towards you. It hurt you immensely to see your best friend and crush plainly reject you, but you still held on to the hope that you two could be happy with each other. Yet all that changed when the Prince had left for a quest.

He had been gone for what seemed like an eternity and for a time, you were extremely worried. You could barely focus on your studies, only imagining your poor friend somewhere cold, hungry, and alone. You knew he would be fine, he was a resilient fighter, but yet you couldn't help but allow the worrisome thoughts to collect in your brain. After news that the Prince was in a neighboring kingdom, safely traveling with a young boy, a witch, and a warrior, you felt at ease- with all those comrades, he was sure to be safe. You finally breathed a sigh of relief, able to calm your anxieties after a long time of being unable to.

 Information continued to trickle in, sometimes good and sometimes bad, but it always stated that the Prince was spotted safe and sound. You took solace in that information, and for awhile, you began to worry less and less about Shoto, until he was barely a memory.

During that time, you had begun to take on the habit of reading. Before it was a task you simply did when forced or extremely bored, only reading books and stories from your own kingdom. 

With so much extra time on your hands waiting upon the Prince to return, you began to learn of other stories, ones that were trully a delight to you: stories of nomads who traveled the country and did rituals to bring them fortunes, women who sold potions by gathering mystical ingredients from the woods, people choosing their own destines and their own paths. It intrigued you- from birth you had one mission for your life: to unite your kingdoms. Once you married Prince Shoto, your destiny would be complete: and then what would you do? You had no other purpose, except being a symbol of that peace for the rest of your life, sitting pretty on a throne until your last breath. 

It began to eat at your insides, gnaw at your conscience that you were merely a pawn in your father’s legacy. You could now fully understand why Shoto had been so defiant: he had realized the truth of his life as well.

Slowly, you began to learn to dread instead of anticipate your wedding day. With the Prince being gone, it was sending quite a ruckus in your home, your father more annoyed with each passing day that the Prince had not come back. You, on the other hand, rejoiced. The kings had both agreed at your times of birth that if anything happened to either child before your 18th birthday, the agreement would be cancelled and the marriage no more. They would rely on their children to fix their broken ties. 

You had just turned 17, the mental clock beginning to tick  in you and your father’s minds, as the Prince still wasn't back form his quest. Just a few more months, and you would both have your wishes: Shoto seemed to have no interest in marrying you, and why should you even for that matter? You two truly didnt love each other- your friendship was a hoax your fathers had created in order to save their own legacies. Your love for each other was man-made and a lie. Just a few more months, and you'd be free of this terrible fate.

------------

The day you turned 17 and a half, you were busying yourself on your plush pink bed, reading another novel about free spirited women in a far off land.

“Princess y/n,” your hand maiden opened the door quietly, afraid of disturbing you, “the King would like to speak with you.”

You gave your shy handmaiden a small smile, delicately marking the spot in your book as your feet landed on the cold floor. 

“Thank you,” you replied, “Ill be there shortly.”

You entered your father’s study, his feet stomping the room heavily as he paced in deep thought.

The room was grand, a golden chair sitting in front of an old ebony desk, the room surrounded by maps, battle plans, and bookcases full of legends of stories written long before your time. Light flitted through long windows against the wall, looking out to the rural countryside and a matching red carpet run the lengths of the stone floors.

Your entrance seemed to have disturbed your Father’s train of thought, his head instantly looking to see who had interrupted him. Once he saw it was you, he sighed, greeting you with a tight smile.

“You wished to see me Father?’ you asked politely, your fingers tugging nervously at the sleeves of your dress. Your father never called upon you unless it was extremely important- had you done something wrong? You wracked your mind for any actions that would had been unwise for your father to find out, but to your surprise, you couldnt think of a single thing you had done.

“Yes, yes,” your father said hastily, waving his hands toward a small wooden chair at the foot of his desk, “please-sit. We have much to discuss.”

You sat on the hard chair, a chill traveling your back as you watched your father sit in his plush throne, his face clearly tired.

“As we all know, Prince Shoto has been on a quite a long quest for some time,” your father began, his voice deep with annoyance, “and has not come back. And with your 18th birthday fast approaching, and it worries me that the boy wont be back in time for your marriage. I have talked to King Todoroki about my worries,  who also had the same fear, and he promised to bring the boy back and end his little shenanigan. But Shoto refuses to leave until his quest is complete.” 

Your father took in a deep breath through his nose, his face a mix of anger and agitation.

Your heart beat excitedly- the prince wasnt coming back? The news bounced happily inside you, giving you some hope that you needed- that must have been why he had gone on that quest in the first place! Even though you were excited, you felt a tightness in your chest- you were childhood firend after all. He really didnt like you that much that he felt he had to run away?

“Oh dont look so solemn daughter,” your father comforted, his voice soft with sympathy,” Shotos father allowed the boy to finish his quest in 5 months’ time, and he is forced to return to his kingdom. In the meantime, we can not forget the whole reason for your marriage like young Todoroki has- you must connect the kingdoms in order to bring harmony.``

“Which is why,” your father added, “we must begin to plan the wedding.”

Your head shot up, the feeling of shock flooding your body. It was still going to happen? Your body began to feel heavy, your father's words fuzzy against your ear- you didn't want this, any of this. You felt trapped like a songbird in a cage, unable to scream out what you desperately wanted to say: if he didnt love you, you didnt want any part of this.

Your father seemed to not notice the look of terror on your face, continuing to inform you of his plan. “We already have sent out invitation to relatives and noblemen in other countries, as well as begin to plan out the festivities. It will be a 3 day event, full of food and parties and, of course, the celebration of our kingdoms coming together. The closer to the date, we will begin to need you for fittings of your dresses as well as rehearse your wedding vows and such. I promise I will make this as wonderful as I can, for you are my only daughter.” 

The king smiled at you, wrapping your stiff body into a hug. You could barely feel his embrace- the world was numb to your screaming mind. You wished upon everything in you to end this, to make this all go away, but you knew you couldn't- you would be forced to do this whether you wanted to or not. 

You simply nodded your head to your father’s parting words, and then ran to your quarters, shutting the door and ceremoniously throwing yourself on your bed in defeat.

--------------

For days you felt numb and broken, all fight leaving your body. You watched as all your handmaidens and servants ran like chickens around the castle, preparing for the enormous festivities coming in close time. You were a good and proper princes, silently placid and allowing everything around you to happen.

 Flower arrangements, samples of sweets, and  fabrics for your dresses all came to you, and you agreed to all of them or just randomly choose. You could care less for your “special day”- the only thing you could truly hope for was prince Shoto ignoring his father’s wishes and not coming back.

That, of course, was a wishful fantasy. You were having a blissful dream when your hand maiden barged into your room, clearly too excited to be considerate of your sleeping state.

“Miss y/n! Miss y/n! Oh please wake up! There is most wonderful news!” she cried excitedly, gently pulling the covers off your body, “You must get ready at once!”

“Prince Shoto- he is back from his quest!”

---------

The whole of the kingdom rejoiced at the news, since he had arrived a month before the wedding. He was here, ready to marry and unite the kingdom. That was all that truly mattered.

Your handmaiden dressed you in your most elegant gown, the icy aqua color bringing out the rosiness of your cheeks, as she placed pearly ornaments in your hair. You felt like you were being presented as a gift to the Prince, a reminder of what he was destined to do. You sighed, dreading having to reunite with your once friend and secret love.

Shoto was standing in the ballroom of your castle, very accustomed to it since you both played here occasionally as children. He was used to the golden floors and the crystal chandeliers the sizes of boulders, all hung gracefully in a row on the ebony ceiling. Him and his company were standing shoulder to shoulder, facing the polished staircase cascading towards them.

He looked at his new found friend’s faces, their expressions clearly in shock. Izuku, his face ruddy with dirt and his cheeks aflame from nervousness as he twisted his shirt between his fingers (a nervous tick Shoto had noticed).  Uraraka gawked at the room around her in awe, her wide eyes drinking up the scene in front of her. Bakugo was least impressed, his arms crossed in front of his exposed chest and his eyes formed in judgmental slits.

 Shoto had told the others before why he had to go back, but only after the quest was over- he wanted to help his new found friends, and after promising to help them in their battle, he would have felt extremely guilty leaving them behind. 

Their reactions were mixed when he revealed he had a marriage in a few weeks time- Izuku was clearly shocked yet in awe hed be marrying a princess, while Uraraka seemed to find the situation romantic. Bakugo simply laughed, mocking him from being such a “sissy” for actually getting married in the first place.

Shoto was feeling conflicted inside at the moment- it had been so long since he had last seen you, and when he had, he was less than kind to you. He was quiet, distant, and quite petty about the whole situation of your marriage. You had turned barely 17 when he left, his young body desperate for some adventure and resilient to his father’s wishes. He merely saw you as a nuisance, someone in the way of his freedom. He knew it was unkind and unjustified, you didn't know what was going on inside him, but he was angry nevertheless and desperate to leave. So when he was approached by young boy in need of a friend for his quest, it was hard to resist the offer.

But as nights when on and he had time to be alone with his thoughts, his mind always seemed to travel to you. The way you giggled, your laughs sounding like chimes in the wind, or how your smile always seemed to make his skin tingle with warmth.

 You were always a strange girl, but always in the best way, daring Shoto to races even thought your father said it was “unlike a princess to do so” or trying to braid Shoto’s mix-matched hair.

 He would never forget the day he had allowed you to do so, your nimble fingers soft against his skin and making him burn up from nervousness. Your touch was so calming and soothing, your small compliments and soft voice sending his soul soaring with pleasure. It was then he realized he had loved you for you, not because he was forced to.

Shoto felt guilty for forgetting those cherished memories in his fits of anger, but he had agreed to help Izuku and he vowed to not give up on that promimse. Months went on, and Shoto couldnt tell how much time had passed: he only hoped you were doing okay without him. 

It wasnt until his father had came to collect him that he realized how short he was on time. He had still stuck by his friends, yet the constant reminders of your wedding was in the air, haunting him. They would travel through kingdoms, the whispers of this event following him as the townspeople began to talk. It was a wonder his friends never caught on except him, only to find out weeks before your wedding.

Now Shoto was standing in the ballroom, feeling quite nervous- he hadnt seen you in so long….would you look any different? He was certain your beauty had grown by then, the thought of you looking older and more womanly bringing a blush to his cheeks. How would you see him? He had become quite a different person on his quest, his body becoming more hardened from battles with bandits and the harsh life of travelling. Would you feel the same for him still? Were you just as excited as you were so many years ago to finally be together?

Shoto heard the clicks of shoes on the wooden floor, a man with the straightest back he had ever seen standing proudly at the steps of the stairs.The man took a deep breath, his voice traveling through the room as he announced your arrival to the group of travelers. 

Yet Shoto didnt hear a single word he said- he was enraptured by your beauty. You had seemed to turn into a fine young woman since he had last seen you, your curves accentuated by the tightness of your gown, the blue complimenting you perfectly. Your hair flowed in soft ringlets on your back, the pearls in your hair like stars. You were an angel blessed to this planet- an angel he was destined to marry.

The only thing that was worrying him was your expression- he had expected you to seem so much more lively, welcoming the bright smile you would always give him when you saw him. But now, your face was gone of any warmth, looking almost numb to the situation as you looked down at the group.

You traveled down the stairs, hating the way your name sounded in the announcer's voice. This was all so cliche- the Prince comes from a quest, and there is the Princess, simply a prize for his hardwork. A trophy of sorts for doing a good deed. Why did it have to be this why? Why couldnt you feel anything? The world had felt so cold for so long, feeling trapped due to the lack of control you had. Everything had seemed to loose its splendor and color, your vision for weeks turning gray in sadness-

Until you saw him.

The ash blonde boy, his hair unruly and his eyes a bright red like blood. He was clad in strange clothes, like a barbarian, his chest completely open and showcasing his taut muscles. You were intrigued by him- you had only seen likes of him in books and stories you read. He was so different, so menacing, and you wanted to know more. He was the only thing you could focus on, not taking any time to look at the others in the group, including Shoto.

Shoto was the first to reach you, unafraid to approach you like the rest of the group as you reached the bottom of the steps.

“Y/n-” he said, his voice deep and airy, “you look-wonderful.”

You gave him a small smile, but it made his heart sink- you didnt look happy at all. It seemed forced, far from the bright grins you used to send his way all the time.

“As do you, Shoto. You look quite different from when we last saw each other.”

You quickly turned your attention away from him, focusing on his new comrades instead.

 “I assume these are the young heroes that accompanied you on your journey?”

“Y-yes!” the young boy with the unruly green hair stuttered, nervously bowing his head. He was quite adorable in a way, his small stature and freckles dusted on his cheeks giving him a child-like quality (even though he was most likely your age). “My name is Izuku Midoriya!”

You gave a reassuring smile to the young boy, trying to make him feel comfortable.

 “It is wonderful to meet you Izuku.”

You began to walk towards the girl know, her pointy yet colorful hat signaling that she was a light witch, a sorceress who used your powers for good.

The girl shimmied in her dusty boots, clearly as nervous as the boy. She lifted the corners of her cloth dress, bowing slightly. 

“My name is Ochaco Uraraka, your highness,” she smiled sweetly, her cheeks dusted in a pinky glow.

“Ochaco…” you mused over the name, its sound foregin yet light on your tongue, “you are a light witch, I assume?”

“Yes, yes I am!” the girl practically squealed, relief seemingly flooding her face. ‘How did you know?”

You giggled a her amazement at you, completely unaware apparently that she had the most witch-like outfit you had ever seen.

“A lucky guess,” you shrugged your shoulders playfully as you began to walk again, your heart beginning to race as you edged toward the barbarian.

You stopped in front of the man, his stature a head taller than yours. You eyes looked slightly up at him, your cheeks reddening- he was much more handsome up close, his rugged features making you feel breathless. He un-apologetically judged you with his vermilion eyes, looking you up and down with scorn.

Why did you find that so attractive?

“And you are-” 

“My name is Bakugo.” he instantly interrupted you, his voice deep and velevty like syrup, “thats all you need to know.”

“Bakugo?” Your brain searched for any name similar to that, but found none- this boy was definitely a foreigner, most likely from far off lands you could only dream of. You had no idea why he followed Shoto back to the kingdom, but you were happy he did- he was definitely a sight for sore eyes.

“A warrior, I assume by your garments,” you nodded, your eyes trailing to his torso “and by the looks of your scars, an experienced one.”

He scoffed at your observations, his eyes rolling in his sockets.

“For a princess, your eyes wander a damn lot. But yeah- Im hella of a good warrior. Best in the kingdoms.”

You cocked an eyebrow at his language, your cheeks red  by his comment. He was so unapologetic and rude, yet- it was intoxicating to you. 

“I’m glad to here that.”

Shoto was eyeing you sadly the whole time- what was so different between you two? Why did you seem so welcoming to the others but so distant to him? His face began to turn red with fury as he watched you interact with Bakugo, the way Bakugo insulted you so plainly and cockily making him want to yell. He watched as your face had light up for just a moment when you spoke with him, something Shoto didn't get the luxury to experience. 

He also noticed what Bakugo had vocalized- you eyes did wander when you looked at him. Shoto at first tried to rationalize that you were simply being curious, since Bakugo was definitely a strange sight for you, but the way your cheeks blushed and you smiled so warmly at him made him think otherwise.

 What did you see in that barbarian that you didnt with Shoto? 

You looked again at the odd group, taking a deep breath through your lungs.

“I want to congratulate you all for your successful quest,” you began, the lines slightly rehearsed, “and as thanks from my father for bringing back Prince Shoto, he would like to welcome you all for dinner tonight. We  would love to hear all about your journey then,” you then snuck one last look at Bakugo, his eyes boaring into yours. It was making you feel a warmth inside that you had thought long ceased.

You instantly looked down at your hands, your cheeks feeling hot. You knew this was wrong- you shouldn't feel smitten for any other boy, especially this warrior, yet you couldnt help it- you were entranced by his resilience and the freedom he had, something you could only dream of. 

“If youll excuse me, I have - things to attend to. It was a pleasure to see you all” you gave the group a tight smile, turning your back quickly from the group to follow your handmaiden back to your quarters.

Shoto watched you until you were gone, his heart beating painfully. He wished he could run up to you, grab you by your wrist and ask you what was the matter. It was still him, your friend for all those years, and you were still you, his love and his best friend. Were you beginning to forget, like he did? He felt his stomach drop painfully at the idea- he would ask you, tonight. He would figure out what had happened between you two, and fix it.

--------------

You were now at dinner, sitting stiffly as you moved your food around your plate, your tight corset making you feel un-hungry. All night you had been detached and quiet, feeling almost sick by your surroundings. Your father was overly outgoing to the guest,giving you side-eyed glances and trying to enter you in the conversation. You would simply smile and nod, occasionally throwing in a comment before returning to squishing your food between your utensils.

The only time you ever seemed interested was when Bakugo would speak. His comments were all snarky and rude, completely self centered about how strong or intelligent he was.

 He was constantly proving his worth throughout the dinner, taking over the story of their journey when he saw fit, making sure everyone knew he was the most capable one of the group. It was obscene, his remarks, his language, even his personality, but- you were intrigued by it. The only person he had to listen to was himself. It was so intoxicating to watch him talk, to hear what other remarks would leave his mouth. Whenever he spoke, you stood up a little straighter, taking time to take in any information he gave about himself and immortalize it  into your brain.

Shoto had felt awkward the whole meal, not knowing how to gauge your emotions. You seemed so distant, as if a stranger was sitting next to him. He wished he could enter your mind, detangle all the emotions and thoughts that were keeping you from being yourself around him. There was no laughter, no genuine smiles, no happiness came from you. This bothered him- you were usually so cheerful. His nervousness was eating the inside of his stomach, as his mind still couldn't figure out how to approach you after dinner.

“-and the wedding will be a three day celebration, full of festivities,” your father continued boisterously, his voice booming embarrassingly around the room, “Shoto and y/n will be the main attention, of course, over 200 noblemen will see them share vows-”

The sound of your chair pushing away echoed throughout the dining hall, making the whole group look to you. You cleared your throat delicately, a hand resting on your chest.

“Excuse me for my rudeness, but Im feeling- unwell,” you sighed a quick smile.

“Are you alright, do I need to-” the king asked, his eyes full of concern as you shook of his worries.

“Oh no, Im completely fine- just a headache,” you gave a pained smile, “I hope you all enjoy the rest of the meal.”

Shoto watched you walk away, desperate to make sure he knew which way you went in this large castle. He instantly pushed away from the table as well, rising quietly. 

“I- uh-am full, thank you for the meal,” he bowed to the King slightly, placing his napkin on his plate as he rushed out, confusing the group that was left.

Izuku and Ochaco looked at each other, their cheeks red with embarrassment and shock as they looked at Bakugo, who was clearly not bothered by the disturbance. Ochaco then looked at the king, who was clearly confused by the whole ordeal, as an awkward air lay heavy on the table.

Ochaco hastily took a large bite from her plate, filling her mouth with food- “MMMMMM!” she exaggerated, trying to start up conversation again, “I LOVE the ham!” 

------------

Shoto ran around the castle, looking through every corridor and door, searching for you.His head was racing, trying to organize his thoughts in his minds. He needed to figure out how to speak to you- should he act normal, like nothing was wrong? Should he be formal and see how that went? Angry? Upset? He didnt know how to approach you, but he knew he had to do it.

 He finally saw your gown turn an empty hallway, his feet picking up pace. He quickly was able to catch up once he could pin point your location, his hand wrapping around your wrist in order to stop you. 

 You felt slender,cool fingers wrap around your skin, making your body run cold. You instantly jumped by the sudden touch, all breath leaving your body as you turned around quickly.

Your wide eyes met the mix matched orbs of Shoto, a small pang of annoyance filling your body from getting so scared.

“Shoto,” you replied breathlessly, slightly happy though it was only him and not somebody else that had grabbed you.

“I-uh-y/n,” he replied back, his mind going blank.

He let go of your wrists, his hands resting at the side of his body. “I-Im sorry to scare you like that,” he apologized, “I just- wanted to speak to you. If you’ll let me.”

You looked at the boy, his eyes now averting yours, probably from nerves. You decided to listen, turning your body to him. 

“Apology accepted,” you said plainly, “What did you want to speak about?”

Shoto drew a blank- what did he want to talk about? He loved hearing your voice, finally only reserved for him, but yet you seemed preoccupied. Distant. Like you were on another world and not truly there with him.

He stared at you lightly, looking extremely conflicted. “I-I wanted to talk to you about what happened while I was gone.”

“You explained quite plainly what happened on your journey,” you replied, clearly not in the mood to talk, “I applaud you for your bravery, it must have been quite a difficult journey-” you gave him a small bow, your eyes gone of any warmth. “I really must go to bed, Im sorry, but i do feel-”

You began to walk away again, Shoto desperate to keep you near him. He walked in font you, blocking your path.

“You didnt here me correctly-” he changed his wording this time, trying to be as specific as possible. “I want to know what happened to you while I was gone.”

You eyebrows turned down in confusion. “What are you trying to say Shoto?”

He swallowed, trying to clear his dry throat as he licked his lips, conflicted. 

“You seem-different.”

“Its been a year and a half since I last saw you, Shoto,” you reasoned, “of course Ill be different.”

“Yes, but-” he paused, “youre too different. Youre not the same y/n I knew.”

“Why? Because Im not following you around like a love sick puppy?” Annoyance began to bubble inside, feeling attacked by Shoto’s words. “Because I finally got over the fact you didnt love me ? You dont have to pretend Shoto, I know full well you only see me as a nuisance.”

Shock flooded Shoto’s system as your icy words pierced his skin. What happened to you? Yes, he was rude to you before he left, but he didnt feel like that anymore. That was a simple phase, were you going to define him by that?

“I dont see you as a nuisance, y/n.”

“Really?” you scoffed at his words. “then tell me why your father had to go out to find you twice before you finally decided to come back?”

“I made a promise to my friends. I had to finish my quest before-”

“You had a promise to me, Shoto!” you yelled exasperatedly, your heart bursting with hurt. “To your family! To my family! Our people! What was so much more important than that?”

“I was so worried about you Shoto, terrified for you. Those first few months I couldnt think of anything but you.” You were beginning to reveal a lot, too much, but the emotions, the hurt, the anger, was flooding out of you like a broken dam and you couldn't stop it. 

“But then I realized that you didnt care for me. You thought I didn't notice how you gave me the cold shoulder those last few months? How you ignored me,  only gave me quick answers, acted as if I was just a pest following you around? I remembered all of it, and then I realized- you left because of me.”

“You left because of me, didn't you, Shoto?” your voice was harsh and crude like metal, stabbing into Shoto’s conscience.

He stayed silent- how could he say anything back? Your words were making him feel small and foolish- he should have known that you would have noticed his change in demeanor, just as he noticed yours.

You smiled painfully at his silence, feeling a fresh cut of pain slash inside you. “I knew it.”

“Y/n, I-” There was so much he wanted to say, things he wanted to take back. He didnt want this meeting to go like this- with you even more distant to him. Out of all the possible outcomes, this had to be the worst one. 

“Dont even try to backtrack Shoto, I know the truth now,you just confirmed it.”

He knew he was less than kind to you before he left, but know it wasnt like that anymore. Why were you so angry?

“Fine-yes-I left, and it wasnt right,” he admitted, his voice deep, “but Im back. Why are you putting my old self against me now?”

“Because I couldn't for the year and half you were gone! I-I loved you Shoto, and you-”

“You dont love me anymore?” Shoto looked down at you sadly, his eyes full of sorrow. It felt like his heart was breaking in two, the way those words spilled out your mouth so easily making it sting even more.

You swallowed, filling a pit grow in your chest. Everything felt so cold, so empty. This was your best friend- why couldn't you just be nice to him? You thought you had gotten over all this.

“You dont love me-so  why should I love you?” your voice was barely a whisper, cold and empty in the frigid hallway.

Shoto stared down at you, his voice caught in his throat. Did you really believe that? That he didnt love you?You had been friends since children- you really thought all those times, all those days you played together, were all fake? Who even were you?

“I just want you to know,” you spoke, your voice monotone and  icy,” Im not doing this for my father, or your father, or even you. Im doing this for my people and thats it.”

“It” meaning the wedding.

Tears began to prickle your lashline, confusion flooding your numb body as you began to walk away from Shoto- 

you hadnt cried in what seemed like forever. 

Why were you now? 

“Y/n, please, can we just talk-” he tried to reason, harsh with desperation. 

“No.” your voice was plain in its tone that you were done with the conversation.

 “Im just curious Shoto- why did you come back? Because if I had the luxury to have all that freedom, to be free for once- I wouldnt.”

Shoto’s heart felt broken  as he watched you walk away, your dress ruffling as you continued on your path. He felt defeated, confused, even angry- what had happened to you since he had been gone? Did you really hate him that much? What did you mean you had no freedom? More questions flooded his mind than what were answered, but he now knew one thing- you didnt want anything to do with him.

As Shoto’s was returning to his corrdiors sadly, you were lost in thought, just feeling- empty. You didnt feel sad, or angry, or even spitefu anymorel. Just- numb to the world. You could walk for miles and miles it seemed and you wouldnt feel a thing. 

Why was that? Why were so mean to your long lost firend? You should be hugging him from happiness and relief-not meeting him with coldness and hate. 

As you were lost in thought, you didn't even notice yourself running into a person. Your hand instantly reached out, meeting soft yet rough skin. You looked up in confusion ,and your breath hitch- it was the barbairan, his vermilion eyes like rubies as he stared down at you in scorn.

“Oi, watch were your going you damn princess,” he scolded,pushing you off him gently. You stumbled slightly, trying to get your footing right- you had run in to him, you had even touched him. If you were feeling alright, and if the circumstances were different, you could practically squeal. “Youre gonna hurt someone.”

“Did I hurt you?”  

He scoffed at your comment. “Like you could ever hurt me,” his voice was deep and velvety, his comment sending shocwaves into your system. The reply was prideful, yet it could have been- sweet. Kind, in a way in a different light- maybe he meant it like that?

“How do you know that?” you blurted out, a small smirk crawling across your lips.

You just wanted him to talk more, to hear that velvety voice directed towards you- but you were close to flirting with him. What were you doing? What was going on with you? 

One second you were chewing out your life time friend weeks before your wedding, and now you were being smitten with a random man you didn't even know.

He chuckled slightly, his canines glinting. “Your a fucking handful, arentcha?”

He eyed your wobbling feet, as you still were finding your footing slightly.

“You clearly cant walk right-you feeling fine, because Im not gonna be the one who carries you-”

“No, no , Im fine.” you reassured, your cheeks rosy. ‘Thank you for catching me.”

“Youre the one who ran into me.”

“You could have just pushed me off though, you seem like the type to do that,” you gave him a cheeky grin, it disappearing when you heard a slight growl come form him.

“The hell you mean princess?” he was trying to be menacing, but you could tell there was something behind it- he was curious. You loved how he called you “princess”, making it sound like a pet name than  a title.

“Your a lone wolf, are you not? You are strong, independent, free-” you began to list off, your eyes focusing on his, “you follow your own code and beliefs”

“Damn right I do,” he agreed, your heart soaring that he looked so proud of you for describing him so perfectly. “-which is why Im confused as hell that half-and-half prince is allowing himself to get married.”

Ouch.

The small amount of hope that Bakugo seemed to like  you had quickly got destroyed, feeling hurt flood your body. You quickly tried to shake it off, so Bakugo couldn't see it on your face.

“What he even want to talk to you about anyway?” The boy shifted in his stance, his muscles moving with his movements.

You gulped, guilt filling your body- Shoto, the one who had just fought with. You couldnt tell this boy what had happened- that was private, and really, it was embarrassing.

“Just-uh-about-” you stammered, your cheeks red as you searched for a lie.

“Ugh, let me guess, you two were trading spit werent you?” he interrupted in disgust, taking your red cheeks as a sign you two were doing something unholy in the hallway. 

You swallowed, licking your lips as you gave him a tight lipped smile. You were just going to follow along with Bakugo’s line of reasoning- you didnt have any other better ideas. 

 “Y-yep, just- please dont tell anyone?” 

He gave a bitter laugh, his voice booming against your ears. “You guys cant get dirty? I guess that makes sense, since you all our royalty, cant be having any scandals-”

“Do you promise?” you rushed him, now feeling uncomfortable- if anybody heard you and Shoto were kissing in the hallway, and you two were really arguing-

“Yeah, dont worry princess, youre secrets safe with me.” 

You sighed a breath of relief, feeling your heart jump at the smirk the boy sent your way.

“Thank you- I- uh- best be going now,” you stammered, rushing past the warrior, “have a nice night Bakugo.”

You rushed to your room, your heart feeling on fire. Your hands were shaking, your mid racing- all you could think about was that boy. Your world had seemed so dark, until he showed up. His rude responses, his chaotic personality, his snarkiness, that overly prideful speech, his freedom- it was so intoxicating to you. You felt your heart pumping against your chest- you hadn't felt this alive in so long.

You suddenly felt very sick, your head feeling drowsy- maybe you were actually catching something, and thats why you were acting so strange? You were gasping for breath it seemed, your corset making it hard to breath. I felt like something was tightening around your chest, small prods poking into you from the inside- it was a strange sensation, one you did not welcome in the slightest. You stumbled to your bed, holding on to the post as your lungs felt tight with no air, liking something was blocking your passageway. Coughs began to erupt out of you, wracking your body until you finally felt you could breathe. You sucked in a deep breath, welcoming the sweet night air, your chest still feeling tight. You looked down at the ground, trying to slow your stammering heart, until your eyes feel upon something new- a single white petal, resting softly on the ground.

------------

After that night, You became obsessed with this boy, learning bits and pieces from him though conversation you had overheard from Shoto’s friends and workers inside the castle. You learned he was from an extremely far off land, past even the Mountains, which surprised you. He lived alone, and apparently had a dragon as well. He had  gotten in many fights due to his overly prideful personality, which was why he had so many scars decorating his taut body. Your handmaidens seemed to look at him with annoyance, saying he refused to wear anything “civilized” and would plainly cuss them out if they even set foot in his room to clean.

You knew he had a softer side though- he had kept your “secret” safe, right? You heard nothing around the castle about any make-out session or argument between you and Shoto. That little act made you feel special in someway- maybe he had a soft side for you?

Whenever you would feel yourself getting sucked into the sadness of planning your wedding, you’d think of fantasies with that barbarian boy. Him taking you in the middle of night, taking you far away from this place. His hands placed around your waist, that snarky smile looking down at you again.

 Seeing him walk around the castle grew a desperation and love in your body, watching his handsome face stare around the rooms, his voice loud and prideful- you wished he could look your way, acknowledge you again. His vermillion eyes sent fire into your soul whenever you closed his eyes, his face being a beacon of warmth in your life.

Yet that beacon of life was killing you from the inside- every day and every night you fantasized about Bakugo, the sickness taking over you grew worse and worse. The closer you got to your wedding day, the worse it felt, the vines inside you prickling at your soft organs. They were growing, you felt it, as you coughed up more and more petals. 

For a few days you had no idea what was going on, fear striking you as you wondered if you should ask to see a doctor. But you decided to do your own research, scourging through books until you found your sickness: Hanahaki. The the mythical disease for unrequited love. It was quite rare, but it came to the most lonely, delusional, and desperate of lovers.

 It made sense, really- it all started when you talked to Bakugo, after falling in his arms. It hurt he didnt love you back- but why should he? One run-in shouldn't make people fall in love with each other, but somehow it made you. You welcomed the pain alittle, as it was a reminder you still had some feeling other than emptiness inside you. It also terrfiied you- you were supposed to be in love with Shoto, not some barbarian from a far off land you barely spoke to.

  How had this happened, how could you let this happen?

Even if you did tell others you had Hanahaki, they would point the finger at Shoto, calling him cold and callous for not loving you. You were the one who was the cold one, pushing your old friend away. Even if you felt some residue of anger for him, you wouldn't put him through that- he didn't deserve it. You let this disease do its course- if it went away youd be freed, knowing that Bakugo loved you back, and if not- well, you’d figure that out when you got there.

You had barely talked to Shoto or even noticed him since that night, not realizing the amount of worry he felt towards you. Everyday that went by he noticed how sick you looked, your skin paling and you eyes losing any life. Every cough you tried to hold back he noticed and it rang in his ear like a terrible siren- there was something wrong with you.It ate at his insides, his fear of you pushing him away again making him scared to ask what was wrong.

------------

It was now the night before you wedding and you were feeling less than hopeful. You were supposed to be lively and happy, as your father had thrown a party to celebrate the events of the next day, yet you had no energy left in you to dance or socialize. You stayed in a dark corner, trying your best to blend in and not be noticed.

 The coughs were not leaving, and it felt like your chest was being constricted until you could barely breathe. The annoying tickle of a cough was constantly at the back of your throat, as you tried to keep the petals at bay. You were miserable.

“Princess, are you doing alright, you seem a little- pale? Do you need some water, or maybe fresh air,” the young witch Ochaco approached you, her rosy cheeks and bright eyes looking at you.

“Hello, Ochaco,” you greeted, your smile strained, “you know-fresh air would be nice.”

The sweet girl smiled at you, gingerly taking you by the crook of your elbow and out of the ballroom. The fresh air was rather nice, soothing your hurting brain and your sore lungs. You two walked in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company. Your mind was shifting around, thinking about Shoto and what would happen tomorrow. It hurt too much, though- you still were both not at speaking terms, and now you had to be promised to each other for eternity. The thought made your throat itch even more, and instead, you  switched to own of your many fantasies of Bakugo that brought you some comfort.

“So, how are you feeling? Nervous, excited, scared?” Ochaco asked gingerly

“About what?” you asked, looking at her with curiosity

“Uh,um-your wedding,” she giggled nervously, her cheeks growing red again. 

Oh-you cursed yourself for getting to invested in your fantasy, feeling embarrassed for thinking of Bakugo and not about Shoto.

You really didnt know how to answer her question-You felt yourself dreading it-how could you tell her that? But you didnt want to lie to her- lying to her would be practically evil, like giving a child a promise and not fulfilling it.

“Its expected of me to marry him,” you reasoned out carefully, “Ive been thinking of this day since I was a child.”

She gaped out you in awe. “Really?That early? In your kingdoms is it a tradition to marry from each other’s kingdoms?”

You gave her a wihsful smile. “Actually- no, it isnt. We’re the first ones.”

Her brown bob fluttered against her cheeks, her eyes staring up at you in confusion.

“I-if you dont mind me asking,” she asked nervously, “why is that?”

You sighed, giving her a small smile.

“Its kind of a long story….”

------------

“Long ago our two kingdoms began to quarrel against one another. But that happened years back- we still continued to fight against each other, and quite frankly, we forgot about why. We just knew we hated each other and wanted to see the other fail. My father had always said to me that my mother wished for her children to be born in a peaceful kingdom, yet my father’s pride prevented that from coming true for her.

“Until the day I was born- my mother, sadly, died while giving birth to me. My father now had no queen, and really, no future ruler, since I am a girl and only men can become ruler in my kingdom. In his grief, he began to feel sympathetic, I suppose- he knew King Todoroki had a young boy who was barely turning 4, and my father got an idea. He travelled to his kingdom, and somehow was able to talk King Todoroki into an agreement.” 

“In order to end the suffering of our two kingdoms, Shoto and I would marry once I turn 18, in which would bind our kingdoms forever in peace, with Shoto as ruling over both.”

Ochaco breathed out a large sigh, giving you a conflicted expression.

“So-thats why you two are getting married? Its arranged?”

You looked at her in confusion-“Didnt-Shoto tell you that? I thought Bakugo at least knew-” 

“Bakugo?” Ochaco blinked a few times, clearly puzzled. “Bakugo just thought it was quite, well, wierd Shoto was getting married- Bakugo is just a lone wolf who cant understand love I guess-”

You strangely felt angry at her words- how could she even say that about him? Yes, he was cold and callous at times, but how could she know he couldn't at least love? You knew he had to at least have some way of having feelings for another person, you had to at least hope for that-

“-it must be why he left last night,”

You stopped in your tracks, feeling a ton of bricks pound into your chest. 

“He-he left?

“Um yeah! Something about being ‘bored waiting around for a stupid’- oh my gosh, y/n are you alright!?” 

You were coughing up quite alot, your lungs dry and painful as your heart tore in two. He-he left. Without you. Without even a goodbye. 

After all that daydreaming, all that hope, that dedication to him, hoping he would notice you- he left. He never loved you, and you knew it- you were just so desperate for someone to take you, to teach you how to be free. 

You wanted him to teach you, to see potential in you that you could be just as defiant to the world as him. 

Uraraka wrapped her slender arms around your body, patting your back softly to help you rid your body of whatever had attacked you. It was taking everything in you to not let a single petal fall out, the itching in the back your neck unbearable as your heart beat agonizingly against horribly. 

You felt a few silky petals slip out of your mouth, soft against your dry tongue. Miraculously, Uraraka didn't suspect a thing- most likely from the darkness she couldn't see the disease overtaking you.

You gulped desperately for air, finally getting a hold on your lungs. 

“I-Im fine,” you panted out, raising from the floor on shaky knees. “Thank you”

Urarka gave you a pointed look, clearly not convinced. “Of course, but are you sure? Do you need water, or maybe I should get Shoto-”

“No!” you yelled out, covering your mouth in case of another attack.

You felt a little guilty for yelling at Uraraka so harshly, her wide eyes looking at you in shock-you just couldnt bear seeing Shoto when you were grieving over a lover that was never yours- and apparently dying from it too. 

“No, Im fine, really,” you said more calmly, trying to be reassuring, “lets, just- walk back, if thats okay-”

“Yes of course! Ill walk you to your room, just in case you get sick again-”

You two walked in silence again, you mulling over your broken heart as Uraraka watched you in worry. You two passed the ballroom, everyone seemingly enjoying themselves and not noticing you two as you lead the way to your room. 

You stepped up to the door, your hand grasping the doorknob until you paused, a question entering your mind. You were still confused why Uraraka said she didnt know your marriage was arranged-you would have expected Shoto to have told his group after saying he was getting married. 

Was he embarrassed by it, that he was marrying you?

“You said you were surprised to here our marriage was arranged,” you asked quietly, “Shoto never told you?”

Uraraka shuffled in her pink boots, her shoulder hunched close to her chin.

“He-uh-no,” she breathed out, “he said he made a promise to marry a girl he loved.”

-------------------

Morning. 

Daylight.

Wedding.

You should be feeling happy, excited, optmistic-you had been imagining this day since you were a child. But now, all you could feel was a coldness you couldnt seem to shake off- after your talk with Uraraka last night, you felt so confused.

The person you “loved” had never loved you, leaving you sick and hurt.

The person who did love you, you most likely pushed away to the point where they didnt love you anymore.

You couldnt even understand your emotions yourself. All night your sickness wouldnt leave your poor lungs alone, making you cough uncontrollably all night, the petals piling up around you.

You wouldn't allow anyone to see you in the morning, snatching your wedding dress from your hand maidens and putting in yourself. You fixed yourself up, trying to make yourself look as lively as possible, but it seemed impossible- you felt too empty inside to really put your heart into it.

Another round of coughs attacked your chest, a single petal dribbling out of your mouth, along with a speckle of blood. It dripped on the inner folds of your creamy white dress- easily disguisable if you made sure it was covered- yet it made you begin to cry.

What was going on? Why did you have to do this? Why were you still sick?  

Your knees hit the cold floor, wave after wave of tears and coughs struck your body in a terrible symphony, the petals piling up on your dress. 

You couldnt take it anymore- this sickness was going to have to take you, because you had no energy left to fight it anymore.

You felt a knocking on your door, the sounds harsh against your temple. You sniffled, one last cough feebily spilling out of your bloodied lips.

“Go away-I promise Ill be out soon-” you began sadly, until you heard the door swing open.

You looked up, your face in shock as you did not lock eyes with your handmaiden, but with Shoto’s.

He looked around the floor, noticing the bloody petals, his face completely torn-he knew what was going on.

Shoto stared down at you, his eyes boaring into yours-he knew something was wrong with you. He had came by your room in hopes of fixing your relationship before speaking your vows, working up the courage until he heard you crying. No matter what was between you two, he wouldnt let you go through pain by yourself.

Now he watching you cough up your life, those sickly petals flowing out of you, each one taking a toll on your body.

He gasped out your name, the words like honey as he sat next to you on the floor. You looked so beautiful in that white gown, like an angel from heaven. 

But the paleness of your skin, the bags like bruises under your eyes, the blood on your lips- it all reminded him that you were human, and you were hurting inside. He reached for your hand, his fingers grazing your skin-so cold- but you pulled it away quickly.

“Please, dont Shoto-” you whispered hoarsely, “Im-”

Another wave of coughs wracked at your chest, this time the rasps painful against your chest as the vines squeezed. 

Shoto didnt know what to do- how could he help you? There wasn't anything he could do to help, except watch his best friend and love slowly cough her life away. A few petals cascaded out of your mouth, adding to the piles as you heaved air back into your lungs, your knuckles white.

“How, how could you keep this from me?” he asked sadly, ignoring your pleas and pulling you into his lap.

You felt how warm he was, and realized- he did love you. He had been there for you as a child, and he was here for you now, comforting you in your worst moment.

Your heart felt like it was exploding as tears cascading down your face, salty and warm against your skin.

“How-how could I Shoto?” I shuldnt have been so mean to you,” you sobbed, “Im so sorry, so sorry, this is all my fault-”

“Please, no, dont be sorry,” he said softly, his arms cradling your body, “we both have our own faults. I shouldnt have left you for so long, and Im sorry for that, I-” he gulped, his heart beating harshly against his chest.

“I-I do love you,y/n, I do.”

You picked up your head, forcing yourself to look at him- he was so handsome, his mix matched eyes softly looking down at you- he was still the little boy you knew from a child, though, always so calm and sweet.

“I know, Shoto, I just, I-” you gulped, fighting to keep the coughs and sobs at bay.

He sighed, feeling his heart sink. 

“You loved Bakugo, didnt you? Thats why,” he motioned to the petals, “this is happening to you.”

You gave him a shocked look, your eyes wide and glassy. You forgot how observant Shoto could be- you felt your cheeks grow red, realizing now he must have known by the way you stared so much at Bakugo.

“Was-it that noticebale?”

“Y/n,” he sighed, his chest feeling heavy, “very.”

You giggled at his remark, feeling strange for laughing for once. But Shoto was so abrupt with his words, it always made you laugh at his remarks.

 Shoto’s heart soared at your laugh, the sound like chimes against his ears. It died down, the room quickly feeling closed in again.

“I just dont want to do this. I-I want to be friends again. To figure out who were are, without us being forced to be with each other.” you sighed, your heart rattling against your chest. “ I-I want to be with you and marry you- when we decide. Not my father, or your father- I want to be free to choose.”  

You turned to Shoto, your hands touching his cheek.

“I-I did love you-and I still do-Im just so confused, and trapped, and-”

“You just want to be your own person,” he finished your sentence, his voice so much stronger than yours.

He looked down at you, his face surprisingly smiling.

“I think I may have arranged that,”

You jumped up, your face in shock. “H-how? Tell me!” you squealed, not unilke a child, your eyes wide with anticipation.

Shoto grinned at your face, loving how excited you could get so quickly.

“Do you remember my oldest brother?” he asked

“Of course I remember Natsuo! He was always so kind to me as a child,” you reminenscenced, “but how is he going to help us?”

“Well, as it turns out, I spoke to our fathers and my older brother,” he said, a small grin on his face, “they agreed that my brother could rule both kingdoms in my place. By himself, and my sister will accompany him if he ever needs help.”

You sucked in a lung full of air, unable to believe what you had just heard-

 “So that means-”

“We are free to  do what we want now.” 

You yelled in happiness, happy tears cascading on your face as you wrapped his body around yours, “thank yous” spilling out of your lips.

Shoto hugged you back, smiling sadly- he had to admit, it was hard negotiating that new deal. After the night, that remark of how you didnt feel “free” stayed in his brain, haunting him until he found a solution. Knowing it would make you happy made it worth it- even if that meant you could leave him now. He loved you, but if that meant you could be happy with or without him, he would be content with the knowledge that you were finally able to be your own person.

“You can now be yourself,” he said sadly, his eyes staring down at the floor, “and even if that means you do not love me, I accept it. You dont have to feel guilty.”

You looked at the poor boy, his eyes shaded as his bi-colored locks cascaded onto his foreheads. You felt a warmth fill your chest, the sensation soothing and calming as the tightness in your lungs dissappeared. The tickling in your throat seemed to wane slightly. Your hand found his as his eyes instantly rose to meet yours.

“I wont feel guilty,” you smiled gently, “I want to be free- with you.”

Taggings: (if you want to be added, just shoot me an ask or a reply on this post and Ill add you on to my future fics!)

@freckledoriya​ @orokayagi​ @leeeah-loooser​

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[nothorses]

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, and I worry about saying this off anon but I want to actually, be a face as I do. When I came out I knew I wasn't cis, and I was lucky enough to have the support of two wonderful trans partners, but I had an extremely hard time finding my place in the trans community. I am pro MOGAI and new, hyperspecific terms because I know how important it can be to want to put a name, a flag, and individual pride to your identity. 1/?

I switched my own terms quite a lot, from demigirl to genderfae to genderflux to where I am now, genderfluid. But I remember there was a moment, because I was so sure I was only female aligned, where I thought for just a moment that I might be a boy, and I was terrified, I didnt want to be a boy, I didnt want to be "that trans." Like every trans person, I struggled with internalized transphobia, not feeling valid or true enough in my identity, 2/15

But that dreadful feeling of being Scared of being a boy is something I think about a lot, and something I think is truly telling. I'll admit I primarily (only) use tumblr because social media honestly isnt my thing, so I can only speak to what I've seen here, but I remember seeing so little about trans men, other than the occasional mention in broad positivity posts, the even rarer info about binding or passing, but I did see how much people hated men. 3/15

It was always implied to be about cis men, I've been spared the more modern issues regarding overt hatred of trans men, but I saw the constant anger and vitriol and genuine hatred for men. And I realize now I wasnt just scared of being "too trans" I was scared of being hated. So I made myself nonthreatening, I called myself a boy, I performed femininity to an even higher, though subversive standard, because I was still so scared of being a man. The enemy. The oppressor. 4/15

It took many more months to dare say I wanted to call myself a man, and even then I was scared, in the comfort and safety of my girlfriend's company. I felt dirty saying it, and I still do. I always only dare to refer to myself as a trans man, instead of just as a man. And I do want to sidetrack for a moment and say my relationship to gender, as a genderfluid person, is admittedly more complex than just when I feel this way, in other ways people are also particularly hateful towards, 5/15

But even with those other facets, and my fear of being open in them, pale in comparison to my relationship with masculinity. Because when I did come out and admit to myself that sometimes, I am not a woman, or nonbinary, I am a man, I became more aware of things. I exited wonderland, so to say. Suddenly I became so much more aware of how much people simply did not care about me or people like me, and especially not our problems or concerns. 6/15

I saw how invisible I was, and worse than that, I saw a very subtle malice. The only mention of trans men were in those broad positivity posts including everyone under the trans umbrella, or in the rare case something was positive exclusively for trans men, it was always reblogged with "dont forget trans women/enby people" tacked on, I remember once I looked in the trans tag and counted how many posts it took to find one exclusively about trans men that didnt mention binding 7/15

I got into the forties. Because on other posts, I would see people make passive aggressive remarks about how "trans men are talked about too much" or "there's all these resources for trans men, what about trans women" and I wanted to know on what earth the people who said that were living on, because the only, and I mean the only thing people tend to talk about in regards to trans men is how to safely bind, and rarely, the effects of HRT. 8/15

This happened a while ago, but I remember seeing a number of posts on my dash about how much representation trans men receive. I believe there was a panel about trans people, where a majority of the panelists were trans men, and trans women were less represented than them. They encouraged people to complain, said we received too much attention, and pointed at mythical trans male rep in media that in reality, I could count on one hand. I remember being so angry and passionate about it 9/15

Now im honestly just tired. I dont feel accepted by the trans community, and even the trans male community is iffy (I fit in amongst mogai people most, but I cant deny trumeds are particularly prevalent, and it wore on me), and it's so tiring to have every post made by trans men for trans men have to be preambled by belittling themselves and downplaying their own suffering. I just want to exist in peace, but I feel like that's too much to ask. 10/15

I've reached a point of exhaustion that I have become entirely apathetic to my own gender, what was once a deeply important aspect of my identity. I feel disconnected from it, and as a consequence from my own body. I don't bother examining it anymore because I can't feel it, as someone who suffers from dissociation, I feel dissociated from it in order to protect myself, something I was once so openly proud about. 11/15

Im scared to try and push for transition, for my own personal reasons, but now on top of those Im terrified of being silenced and belittled and hated for something that should make me happy. I've tried so hard not to feed into the lateral violence and become embittered towards trans women, because that's not fair, but I won't lie and say it hasnt been hard when I have seen more than I ever would've liked be so willing to ignore or outright throw their brothers under the bus 12/15

And of course there are even more who do show their support for their brothers, and for that im thankful, but this invisibility effects how I perceive everything. I feel like I've been pushed back into the closet, I say im trans because I know I'm not cis but I don't even know who I am, what my place is, and I'm scared to explore because I'm scared that who I am will be violently rejected by the people meant to support me. I want to be free to even explore who I am. 13/15

I wish people would listen to my experiences and what I have to say, but in every microaggression every act of ignoring I feel silenced. Trans men are viewed as predatory, just in a different way; trans men are fetishized and have chasers; trans men face higher rates of violence and sexual assault for being trans men; research about transmasc transition is almost nonexistent, and new, better surgeries are not even thought about; transmasc history is erased and silenced. 14/15

I, feel like im rambling at this point, and I'm sorry I've been so longwinded, I just. I want to thank you, for creating a space where I can speak my truth, because before finding your blog I didn't think anyone would care. I feel like I have so much more to say but honestly im scared, and too tired, and have said enough for now. I just want this feeling of loneliness to go away and hopefully I'll find a way to accept myself. Thank you for listening to me, and giving me a platform to speak 15/15

(Edited the numbers for accuracy)

Thank you for trusting me with this, and to other folks: I think this is an important narrative to listen to and share!

[zigtheeortega]

PLATINUM WEEKEND PLAYLIST

in a spurt of energy i decided to finish the playlist i’d been working on for a while! this turned into a raleigh playlist, and i’m a little sorry about it but not really :/ this playlist is nsfw and all of the descriptions are under the cut! [there’s a line separating the spanish-language songs’ explanations]

1. anywhere

we can make love on the bedroom / floating on top of my waterbed / i'm kissing you / running my fingers through your hair / in the hallway / making our way beside the stairs / we can do it anywhere

most singers are influenced by their predecessors, so i have no doubt that raleigh listened to old r&b groups and practiced lead vocals, background vocals, & harmonies to them in the shower. this one stands out to me because i think it captures just the right amount of smooth sensual energy that raleigh exudes at all times. 112 is immaculate and no doubt one of raleigh’s favs.

2. nasty

promise I'ma give it to you like you never had it / i do it so good, it's gon' be hard to break the habit / you're like a whole constellation / swimming like you on vacation / promise i'm still gonna love you when you wake up in the a.m.

you can’t convince me that raleigh didn’t listen to ariana’s album when it dropped and went absolutely wide eyed when they heard these lyrics like “she really went there...” – but then it became a staple of every ~secret playlist to do the horizontal polka to~ 

3. sex money feelings die

all my lights off when i wake up / tears under my makeup / your lips will stay shut / wanna wake up, break up / i don't wanna think about, think about you / drink up, drink up / i'm so fucked up / all i want is you / no, i don't wanna think about, think about you / sex money feelings die / baby don't you cry

so this is the song i’ve latched onto for my mc dom. i have a headcanon (i think i’ve said it on main a lot, and i’ve even made edits for it) that after the breakup, which everyone else thinks is real, but they think is fake, but is actually real, dom drives to the studio super late at night and just belts out the lyrics while sobbing just to get them off of her shoulders. and it accidentally becomes a hit! which makes raleigh feel even more like shit 

4. facetime

back up all that shit you talking / facetimin' my baby tonight, oh / bet you wanna cop a feel / bet you wonder if it's real / facetimin' my baby tonight / and when you coming home / i'm gon' give you all of my love / i'm gon' put it on you / i said ooh you a hell of a drug

not to get too in detail but raleigh is an ~active~ individual, so i have no doubt that during long tours, they’re facetiming mc for some quality time. and this one’s just sensual and sweet like raleigh’s relationship is so!  

5. only 1

i know all the competition that's after you / so i get to thinking, is this too good to be true? / i can't, be your, only one / no i can't, be your only one / 'cause you look twice as good as anyone i ever met / and your love is three times better / how could anyone forget? / as I'm layin' down, with you every night / it still gets to me, that you remain by my side / i ain't saying that i'm not deservin' of you / but i was dreaming, bigger than i ever knew

raleigh’s convinced they don’t deserve someone as good as the mc and this for sure seems to be one of those songs that they heard when ari’s album dropped and they were like “jeez this is sappy” then they turn out to relate to it super hard like the clown they are

6. kissin’ on my tattoos

now i ain't ever been the jealous type of guy / but i want you to myself, i can't lie / i know we ain't on no one on one thing / but baby, it should change / 'cause when i be out with other chicks i be thinking 'bout you / and when you be out on dates you be texting me too / i don't want nobody but you / kissin' on my tattoos / i don't want nobody but me / talkin' to you / until you fall asleep / we better stop playing (we better stop playing) / before we mess around and someone gets hurt

now this... this is THE quintessential raleigh song for me. like when i think of raleigh this is THE first song that comes to mind. the entire song beginning to end is raleigh singing about mc. like i am convinced if this existed in their universe, they ghostwrote it for mc. genuinely the MOST raleigh song in existence and i cannot be convinced otherwise

7. life of an outlaw

not gonna put the lyrics but this would absolutely be on one of raleigh’s playlists that they play pre-concert to get hyped up, or a workout playlist. i just feel it in my bones that their fav music is from the 90′s ok

8. watch ‘n’ learn

i'ma do it, do it, do it / on the bed, on the floor, on the couch / only 'cause your lips say make it to my mouth / just because i can't kiss back / doesn't mean you can't kiss that / baby all i need / all doing on me / like you aimed to please / show me how much you mean it / by the way that you please me, baby

another song on their freaky deeky playlist ! i know raleigh’s prob tried to get with rihanna at least once in their lives

9. freaky girls

i'ma be your freak any time or place, any day of the week / said i'ma let you hit it, i ain't scared, i ain't shy, it's cool with me 

yet ANOTHER song on their freaky deeky playlist ! sorry im not taking this more seriously im just daydreaming ab the songs that raleigh would add to their secret playlists

10. thinkin’ bout you

thinking bout ya, dreaming bout ya / i don't wanna be without ya / pillow talking, heaven walking / been about ya, still about ya / you ain't gotta worry bout it, baby girl, you know i got you / drinking out the bottle to deal with all my problems like / i should call / i thought i had the right one the last time around

god this is post breakup raleigh through and through. i have a hc that raleigh ghostwrites a lot of songs for people especially ones that fuck with their brand – they collabed on this with micah and a popular rapper and micah was like :/ come on now raleigh i KNOW who this is about

11. un-thinkable

moment of honesty / someone's gotta take the lead tonight, who's it gonna be? / i'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me / if you have something to say, you should say it right now / you give me a feeling that i never felt before / and i deserve it, i think i deserve it / it's becoming something that's impossible to ignore / and i can't take it / i know you said to me / this is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be

raleigh’s confession!!!!!!!! lord this reminds me of when they were on the beach together just talking and vibing – or really any time that they took

12. kiss it better

been waiting on that sunshine / boy, I think I need that back / can't do it like that / no one else gonna get it like that / man, fuck your pride, just take it on back, boy / take it on back boy, take it back all night / what are you willing to do? / oh, tell me what you're willing to do? / kiss it, kiss it better, baby

i think raleigh would cover this omg and maybe im biased bc it’s my fav song of all time but it just exudes raleigh energy!! plus i think this might be on their freaky deeky playlist LMAO

13. unrequited love

lost in the flames of love / unrequited love / time won't always heal / and it eats at my mind / because you're the one that got away / sometimes i feel alone / tried to hold my breath / somewhere deep in space / and i felt like you understood / what it truly means to be in love / now i'm wide open, it's so hard to focus / now that it's the end, i guess you'll always be / the one that got away

you know raleigh was super in their feelings after the breakup – i don’t think they knew how fast they’d fall for the mc. even if they didn’t admit it out loud, i think they were convinced they wouldn’t find someone like the mc again. anyways this song is sad as hell

14. you’re mine

come a little closer / let me tell you something / eat your ego honey / honey swallow your pride / i spotted you the second you walked in the building / i knew that you had let me get you high / i wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening / no one's gonna save you / use you up and break you / i'm the one who plagues you every night / 'cause you're mine.

so the song itself is ab a toxic relationship, but tbh i can picture my mc dom and raleigh singing this duet on stage together and the chemistry would be absolutely off the charts oh my god. 

––––

[disclaimer, i do not speak spanish, but i grew up listening to it and a lot of them have a lot of significance to me – i hope the rough translations i found online will do! some of them are very rough so i’ll just put the spanish lyrics]

so with all of these spanish songs im convinced that raleigh would cover any of these! most of them are really romantic and have the same vibe as what i imagine raleigh would have !! not gonna do a lot of explaining here because i think this explanation speaks for itself

15. viento

préstame tu peine / y péiname el alma / desenrédame / fuera de este mundo / dime que no / estoy sonándote / enséñame / de que estamos hechos.

lend me your comb / and comb my soul / untangle me / away from this world / tell me i'm not / dreaming of you / show me / what we’re made of

16. visita

que no es gusto, no es mi voluntad / que es lo que te digo / que aunque no me veas yo voi a estar / siempre contigo / la semana me parte en dos / de viernes a domingo / tu visita me repara cuando nos conecta entonces / quiero que te vengas a vivir, todos los dias conmigo

do not have a translation that makes a lot of grammatical sense for this one, but it’s generally about wanting to be closer to each other and move in together rather than visiting! it’s a really sweet song and the distance aspect reminds me of raleigh and mc

17. te quiero

te quiero / no, ya no me llores / no me vayas a hacer / llorar a mí / dame, dame tu mano / intentalo, mi niña / quiero verte reir / necesito verte / donde quiera que estes / te quiero, te quiero, te quiero / y no hago otra cosa / que pensar en ti / solo vivo y respiro / para ti 

i love you / no, don’t cry for me anymore / don’t make me cry / give me, give me your hand / try, my darling / i want to see you laughing / i need to see you / wherever you are / i love you, i love you, i love you / i don’t do anything else / than thinking about you / i only live and breath / for you

imagining raleigh singing this for mc......... swoooooon

18. maría

not offering a translation, but it’s a sad song that i think raleigh would potentially cover!

19. efímera

nos miramos a través del cuerpo y la piel / se conectaron nuestras almas / es que tus ojos de miel deslumbran mi ser / cuando la oscuridad me atrapa / cuando me besas / me siento en otra parte / me hierve la sangre / me derrite el corazón

we saw each other through our bodies and skin / our souls connected / its cause your honey colored eyes dazzle my being / when the darkness traps me / when you kiss me / i feel like i’m in another place / my blood boils / it melts my heart

“it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you” this is one of em for sure

20. obsesion

son las cinco de la mañana y no he dormido nada / pensado en tu belleza en loco voy a parar / el insomnio es me castigo, tu amor será mi alivio / y hasta que no seas mía, no viviré en paz

it’s five in the morning and i haven’t slept at all / thinking bout your beauty, i’m gonna end up crazy / insomnia is my punishment, your love will be my relief / and until you’re mine, i will not live in peace

raleigh and mc would duet this!!!! the lyrics themselves aren’t really about their relationship but i think the vocals would be perfect for them

21. quiero ver

quiero ver tu risa todo el día / escuchar la melodía de tu voz / quisiera ser el brillo de tus ojos / el peine que desnuda tu esplendor / la esquina que te ve cuando caminas / y quiero ser tu último dolor / te pido que me cures esta herida / yo sé muy bien que no es tu obligación / tan sólo si amortiguas mi caída / será mi salvación

i want to see your smile all day / listen to the melody of your voice / i wish i could be the brightness of your eyes / the comb that undresses your splendor / the corner that sees you when you walk / i want to be your last pain / i ask you to heal this wound / i know very well it’s not your obligation / just only if you cushion my fall / it’ll be my salvation

this one makes me so soft oh my god and its another “it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you” type of song

22. más que tu amigo

es un secreto / que tan solo quiero compartir / con esos ojos / que le han dado luz a mi vivir / y en esta noche no hay más luna / que como tú me alumbre más / que en mi alma crece una fortuna / por tanta dicha que me das / te quiero, te quiero / se oye en mi pecho / es el grande amor que me has hecho / latido a latido / te siento conmigo / yo quiero ser más que tu amigo

it is a secret / i just want to share / with those eyes / that give me light to live / and tonight there is no more moon / that shines on em as brightly as you do / in my soul grows a fortune / for such happiness that you bring me / i love you, i love you / you can hear in my chest / it’s the great love you’ve made me / heartbeat to heartbeat / i feel you with me / i want to be more than your friend

god i can just imagine them singing this to mc teasingly during their fake relationship and she’s like “sounds pretty i love your voice” but it’s really a confession AHHH

23. peligroso pop

no explanation on this one either! i just think this spanglish song would no doubt be on a playlist of raleigh’s !!! i’m also imagining raleigh dancing to this or going to this artists’ concert or something. idk it just reminds me of him !!!

24. eres

aquí estoy a tu lado / y espero aquí sentado hasta el final / no te has imaginado / lo que por tí esperado, pues eres / lo que yo amo en éste mundo, eso eres / cada minuto lo que pienso, eso eres / lo que más cuido en este mundo, eso eres

here i am by your side / and i’ll wait here, sitting, until the end / you haven’t imagined / what i’ve waited for you, because you are / what i love in this world, that’s what you are / every minute in what i think, that’s what you are / what i treasure most in this world, that’s what you are

this entire song is raleigh singing to mc, but like this little section is just SO sappy. that one line i keep mentioning? yeah that’s this song

25. locos

estoy contento de tenerte cerca / muy cerca de mí / que me digas loco / que me des besos / y que te rías de mí / y sé que nunca te lo he dicho / y me da miedo confesar / pero antes, quiero besarte / que llevo loco, tratando de decirte / que ya no puedo vivir sin ti

i’m happy because you’re close / very close to me / cause you call me crazy / cause you give me kisses / and laugh at me / and i know i’ve never told you this / and i’m afraid to confess / but first, i want to kiss you / i’m crazy, trying to tell you / that i can no longer live without you

god this reminds me of raleigh so much like ??? ok i dont know if this makes sense but imagine raleigh not being able to quite say the words they’re feeling so they just sing a song in spanish instead because they one, express their feelings through lyrics better and two, they know mc doesn’t understand spanish (this is specifically for non spanish speaking mcs)

26. no te puedo olvidar

sé que nunca me equivoqué / en lo que siento / y cuando me tocas la piel / me desvanezco / sé que miraremos a la última estrella / así nos conectaremos / yo te necesito más de lo que piensas / más de lo que puedo creer / vives en mí y en mi materia / no te quedo olvidar

i know i was never wrong / about what i feel / and when you touch my skin / i vanish / i know we’re gonna stare at the last star / that’s how we’ll connect / and i need you more than you can imagine / more than you can believe / you live in me and in my matter / i can’t forget you

this is one of the most romantic songs i swear to gooooddddd i think if raleigh and mc ever broke up this would be what they wrote afterwards – but also i think in general he’d write this about her without the breakup ! idk i’m just in love with this song. anyways

OKAY I’M DONE RAMBLING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS PLAYLIST !!!! this is what i’ve been listening to while i’ve been reblogging posts today !!!