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#sometimes the problem with your brain coming back online is your brain comes back online lol
thebibliosphere · 5 months
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One of the pitfalls I've been struggling with over the last three years while focusing on recovering from ADHD burnout is trying to find stimuli that are enriching and not just distracting because distracting stimuli might feel like it's keeping me from being bored, but really it's just keeping me numb enough so I don't have to process being bored or any of my emotions.
And that's not great when you're trying to heal trauma.
The problem is, I'm not finding a lot of things enriching at the moment. A lot of the things I've been relying on to keep my brain quiet since 2020 now feel overstimulating and are actively making me agitated rather than numb. Which I suppose is progress? It means I'm processing things and actually aware of them again instead of perceiving everything as background static.
It's just an odd predicament to be in. I don't think I've been this 'aware' of my own brain in a long time and on the one hand, cool. Great. Probably a good thing. On the other, aaaaah. Why is it so noisy in here?
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morganbritton132 · 2 years
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I love your tiktok saga 🥺 I legit wake up each morning and run to the tag to see what giggles I'm in for. Just wondering, because my brain is made of soup--what health problems does Steve have? (based on his Canon injuries obvs, but what do you have him living with?) happy new year and thank you for bringing so much joy to the steddie tag!! ❤️
Thank You and Happy New Years to you too!!!
The Steve that lives in my head basically has the symptoms of the Steve in (something happens and I’m) head over heels by GibbousLunation on AO3, which I highly, highly recommend if you haven’t read it.
The Eddie Munson Tiktok Saga Steve has epilepsy and seizures, migraines, balance issues and forgetfulness, and like, disassociation. I’m not sure if that’s quite the word I’m looking for but basically, Steve’s mind sometimes will go offline but his body keeps going. I think every character in this show has a healthy dose of PTSD but I think Steve’s would come with a restlessness because his first reaction is to protect. He’s been in positions where if he froze up or hesitated than he or someone else could have die.
So when his mind blanks out, his body keeps the motion going just on instinct and sometimes, he’ll just leave the house because I think that’s terrifying. I think it’s scary to come back online in a different place than where you went to sleep and I think it’s equally scary to wake up and find your front door open and your husband missing. I think this just provides a good amount of angst for Steve but also for Eddie because a lot of his PTSD would probably center around people who were trapped inside their own minds. I also think seeing someone have a seizure would remind him of Chrissy.
I also think that Steve would struggle with bouts of anger or irritation (which hasn’t really been a part of the Saga because it’s more of a fun thing and realistically you’re probably not posting your arguments on the internet) because I think he’s a very independent person. I think he wants to be perceived in a certain way and once people realize that you have a condition or a disorder then they start to be careful around you. Sometimes they start treating you different or like you’re fragile, and I think that would bother Steve. He’s not fragile. He’s not broken. He saved the world and he’s coping with the consequences of that, but he still saved the world. None of it makes him weak and he doesn’t want to be treated like he is.
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cherrycola27 · 2 years
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Red, White, and Rooster
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Series Warnings: Language, alcohol consumption. Frenemies to lovers, relationship of convenience. Political situations. Allegations of affairs, military and political inaccuracies. Eventual smut. 18+ Minors DNI. Banner Credit: @thedroneranger
Series Master List Previous Part Next Part
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Chapter 3: State of the Union
Sweat dripped from your brows as your fists made contact with the punching bag. You twisted and landed a kick to the left flank of it.
"I just don't get it Jay, how can someone who used to fly multimillion dollar aircrafts be so stupid sometimes?" You huffed out. You took a step back from the bag and took a long sip of water.
"Maybe all those years of inhaling jet fuel killed a few brain cells." Jaycee joked back with you.
"I mean, one minute he's doing good, everything is sunshine and rainbows, and then the next, he is a giant bone head and taking shirtless jogs around the grounds for fun. Do you know how long it took me to get all those paparazzi photos tracked down?" You sigh as you lean forward to stretch.
"You're lucky I love you and was able to stop Amber from publishing that thirst trap online." Jaycee laughs.
"I know. I owe you one." You grin at her. "You owe me several. But I am cashing in on one tonight. I can't believe I get to cover the State of the Union in person!" She squeals. You laugh at her. "Remember, you're their to work, not to oogle the vice president the whole time." You joke with her.
With Jaycee being your best friend and a member of the media, she'd been able to come to the White House several times. After a few visits, you couldn't help but notice the crush she had developed on Jake.
"You're no better than me!" She tells you as you grab your things to hit the showers.
"I do no oogle Jake." You shoot back. "No, but I've seen the way you look at Bradley." She accuses you. "I'm his Chief of Staff. It's literally my job to look at him." You defend yourself.
"I've also seen the way he looks at you. That man is constantly giving you puppy dog eyes. He's got it bad for you." Jay continues.
"He does—" You pause before lowering your voice. "The president does not give me puppy dog eyes or have it bad for me," you whisper to her.
"Sure, Jan." Jaycee mocks you in her best Marsha Brady impression.
You roll your eyes at her before hitting the showers. You let the hot water ease your sore muscles. You relaxed as it flowed over you. Kickboxing with Jaycee had become your form of stress relief when dealings at the White House got to be too much or when you needed escape. This shower was going to be your last moment of peace until tomorrow.
Tonight, Bradley was giving his first State of the Union address, and you were nervous, to say the least.
He'd been getting on your nerves lately. Choosing not to listen to you like he once did or brushing you off. But the moment he needed something that only you could handle, he'd come crawling back to you. He'd apologize for being an ass, He'd beg for your forgiveness, you'd fix the problem, and the cycle would start again.
You stepped out the shower and got dressed. You said goodbye to Jay and made sure she had her credentials for tonight. You then hopped in your car and drove back to the belly of the beast.
............................
You looked at yourself in the floor-length mirror of your room. Tonight, you were wearing a strapless cocktail gown. It was black with white geometric blocking on the sides. The bodice had a tasteful plunge with a small black mesh insert to keep it classy. The top of the dress swooped into two white peaks that accentuated your neck.
It was a beautiful dress, but try as you might, you couldn't get it zipped up all the way. You would worry about that after you put on the finishing touches of your outfit.
You took a deep breath and looked at your reflection.
You had your hair in its signature low bun. Your makeup was soft, but red lipstick added a touch of glam. You fastened your tennis bracket and reacted for the oval cut earrings Bradley had gifted you.
You had just fastened the back on the second one when you caught sight of him in your mirror.
"You used to knock. What if I had been changing?" You teased him as he stepped in with his tie in his hand.
"Your door would have been locked if you were." He shrugged. You opened your mouth to say something smart back, but he wasn't wrong.
"Well, I'm glad you're here. Can you zip me?" You ask, turning towards him. Bradley paused for a moment. He looked over the expance of your back that was visible to him. Your dress was almost zipped, save for the last few inches. He glanced at the exposed skin. His breath caught when he saw the tiniest bit of your lacy bra that was barely visible to him.
He cleared his throat before quickly zipping you up and stepping away.
"Thank you—sir." You teased him.
Son of a bitch, he thought. If only you knew what you were doing to him right now. That dress had his mind racing, especially because he wanted to know what the rest of what you had on under it looked like. Or what it would look like on the floor of his bedroom. Or what you would look like laid out in his sheets with your hair a mess and your makeup smeared. He could feel himself getting hard at the thought.
Shit! He needed to think about foreign policy or the frumpy old senators he was about to address. He could not go out there with a semi.
"Hello? Mr. President? What are you thinking about?" You break him out of his thoughts by snapping your fingers.
"Just running over my speech in my head again." He lied.
"Don't worry, you're going to be fine. Can you get my necklace, then I will fix your tie?" You gesture to the jewelry box.
Bradley quickly grabs it. His calloused fingertips brush over your soft skin as he hooks the clasp of the necklace he'd given you months ago. You thank him again before turning to knot his tie.
You have it secured in no time flat. You move to step away, but neither of you had noticed that Bradley's foot was on your dress. When you move, you lose your balance. His hands reach out and land on your hips, pulling you up right to steady you. You latch onto his forearms for balance. Your face is close to his as you catch your breath. His so close that if he leaned down a few more inches, he could kiss your perfect red pout. Both of you are frozen.
"Knock kno— am I interrupting something?" Jake trails off as he opens the door to your room. You and Bradley quickly shoot apart.
"No, nothing, everything is fine. See you down there." You brush by him as you quickly exit your room.
........................
From what you heard, Bradley's address went amazingly well. You didn't get to hear the end of it because you were whisked away to handle an emergency. Apparently, there was some unrest in the Pacific, and a foreign government was demanding American support to deal with a rouge group of pirates that had been terrorizing shipping lanes, but months ago, when the nation had tried to offer them assistance, they'd refused it. Now, they were demanding it and threatening to attack a Naval aircraft carrier that was stationed near their coast. Their government said they would have no issue with trying to overthrow the crew of the ship if the US didn't help them.
You sighed. You knew the Navy held a special place in Bradley and Jake's heart, and they would overreact to any threat against the Navy. You knew you would have to speak to Bradley and talk him off the edge when he heard the news. Even though he was the president, he couldn't just order the military to obliterate someone.
You left the conference room, and you could hear Bradley coming down the hall just as you went to find him. The rage in his voice carried down the hall. You needed to talk to him privately away from advisors and people with their own agendas.
"Bradley!" You yell as you chase after him. You need to talk to him. If he gets into that room before you, the testosterone of all of the men in there will take over, and he'll doing something that you know he will regret.
"Mr. President! Sir!" Damn him and his long legs. You kick off your heels and take after him. You poor Louboutins are left haphazardly in the hall as you sprint after him, still calling his name, but his tunnel vision has taken over. You sigh.
"ROOSTER!" You shout. He pauses and turns around slowly. In the entire time he's known you, you've never used his call sign.
"What, Y/N?" He sighs. "You need to calm down. You can't go in there like a bull in a china shop." You tell him breathlessly once you finally face him. You look up. He's a lot taller than you without your heels on.
"I don't need you to tell me what to do. I'm perfectly capable of handling this on my own." He warns you in a low voice before turning away.
"That's where you're wrong. In situations like this, you do need me to tell you what to do. If I left you to your own devices, you'd be getting in an F-18 yourself right now. You're the president, the leader of the free world. I understand that you love the Navy, but you can't just go in there with guns blazing." You reason with him.
"You don't understand Y/N, I have friends on that carrier. They are more like family to me. I can't let anything bad happen to them." He pleads.
"I get that, Bradley. I do, but you need to take a breath and think." You remind him.
"No," he begins with a fire in his voice. "What I need to do, is get into that briefing room and talk to some people who actually know what they are doing. I don't need a woman who has never severed a day—" you cut off Bradley's rant with a harsh smack across his face. He catches your wrist before you can pull back all the way.
Anger thrums through your veins. "I don't need you to remind me of my gender. You hired me to help you and to keep you from making stupid decisions. I may not know as much as you about the military, but I know my politics." You grit out. His eye are wide as they bore into yours. You maintaine eye contact with him, not backing down.
"Next time you say speak to me, remember who you're talking to." You warn him before jerking your arm out of his grasp.
You both soften a bit. Bradley opens his mouth to speak, but doesn't get the chance to.
You can hear voices approaching. You finally had Bradley's attention. You couldn't risk losing it now.
In a moment of annoyance or stupidity, you're not sure which, you grab him by his arm and drag him with you into a nearby storage closet.
"What the fuck Y/N?" He scolds you as you lock the door and block him in.
"I'm not letting you go anywhere until you calm down and listen to me. You've been ignoring me until you really fuck something up lately, and I'm not letting you send us into the next World War!" You scream at him.
Bradley looks at you and can tell that you mean business. The sting in his cheek serves as a reminder. He swallows thickly before nodding his head and letting you speak.
Now, no one quite knows what was said in that closet. The only thing anyone is talking about right now, is what happened when some poor unsuspecting media internet who got lost looking for the bathroom found.
You had just unlocked the closet door when it flew open. The intern eyes went wide as he took in the scene before him. You were sweaty from chasing down Bradley and arguing with him. Your hair was askew, your makeup was smudged, and your feet were bare. Bradley's suit was wrinkled, and his face was flush. You knew exactly what the kid was thinking before he could say it.
Before you could defend yourself, you heard someone yell at the intern. His head snapped to the side at the same time yours did. It was more members of the media.
The first one caught sight of you and Bradley as you emerged from the closet. They pulled up their cameras and started taking pictures just as the questions started flying.
"Mr. President, are you having an affair with your Chief of Staff?"
"Ms. Wiseman, did you seduce the president to obtain your position?"
"Mr. President, does this mean previous allegations against you were true?"
In the flurry of questions and camera flashes, you see Jaycee, who was desperately trying to help you.
You panicked as you looked from her to Bradley. You couldn't let the media spin this narrative. You couldn't let them ruin your career over something that wasn't there. You knew no matter how hard you tried, you'd never be able to convince them that you weren't having an affair with Bradley. So, you said the first thing you could think of that you knew would save both of your asses.
You held your hand up to silence the press. You looped your arm through Bradley's. He looked at you confused, but you shot him a reassuring glance as if to say, 'Trust me.' He nodded.
"The president and I are not having an affair. We can't be. " You began with a steady voice that oozed confidence.
You paused as you watched the facea in front of you. Their eyes were trained on you, waiting for you to spin your tale.
"The president and I are not having an affair—because we are engaged." You drop the bomb. You feel Bradley tense up beside you, but he doesn't react. He knows he can't right now.
No matter how crazy the words that have just come out of your mouth are, he knows that they are going to save both of your jobs. His presidency would never survive a scandal like this, and you would never be able to work in Washington again.
Your words seem to satisfy the media because their questions shift.
"Ms. Wiseman, how long have you and the president been together?"
"Is this why we haven't seen him dating?"
"When do you plan on getting married?"
"Why did you feel the need to hide your relationship?"
They all continue to shout at you. Suddenly, Jaycee pushes her way to the front and whistles to silence them.
"Ms. Wiseman and President Bradshaw will be more than happy to answer any questions people might have. In fact, they are going to sit down with me tomorrow afternoon in an exclusive broadcast that will be live stream on the official Washington Post website at five pm." She tells the crowd.
That pacifies them as they dispurse to break the news, talking amongst themselves.
Jaycee turns to look at both of you. You open your mouth to speak, but she puts her hand up.
"I don't know, I don't care." She beings. "All I'm saying is that I bought the two of you sometime to get your stories straight before tomorrow."
You both thank her before she leaves. As she turns to walk away, she pauses. "Bradley." She calls to him. He looks at her. "One more thing, before we meet tomorrow, you'd better have a ring on her hand." She warns before exiting.
After Jaycee leaves, you don't give Bradley a chance to talk to you before you are bolting for the bathroom. You sling the door open and vomit into the toilet. The anxietyfunally catching up with you. You stand up and wash your hands and face. You step out, and he's waiting for you.
"What the fuck was that?" Bradley demands. "That was me, saving your ass yet again. Because in case you didn't know, if you go down, I go down with you, and I'd rather not lose everything I've worked for because you wouldn't listen to me!" You scream him as you poke his chest before walking away.
"Where are you going?" He chases after you. "Home to fabricate our love story!" You scream back. "And my ring size is an eight!" You yell before rounding the corner.
Bradley takes a deep breath before pulling out his phone. He quickly pulls up the contact he needs and types out a message. He has a favor he needs to cash in.
Well, shit really hit the fan in this chapter! Thanks for the love on this series.
Taglist: @daggerspare-standingby @thedroneranger @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @hecate-steps-on-me @roosterscock @roosterbruiser @roosterforme @seresinsbabe @startrekfangirl2233 @soulmates8 @xoxabs88xox @avengersfan25 @blackwidownat2814 @loveforaugust @mak-32 @cottagecori @amysteryspot @heyimmadisonn @princess76179 @bradshawseresinbabe @sunlightmurdock @lt-bradshaw @cassiemitchell @die-cunt @mj-l4 @shipinabluebottle @malindacath @violyn20 @imawkwardlysoc @books-for-summer @blackroseboulevard @recordblues @desert-fern @luckyladycreator2 @katieshook02 @samhapner6 @sebsxphia @roosters-girl @diorrfairy @je-suis-prest-rachel @chicomonks @mizzzpink @a-linabean @amklibrary @gretagerwigsmuse @jstarr86 @actuallyazriel @krismdavis
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alwaysthegeorges · 2 months
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What Dreams Are Made Of - Peter Parker x Reader (1/2)
Summary - You and Peter are friends. Except when he looks at you like that.
Warnings - Fluff, pining, talks of sex
Word Count - 4.4k
a/n - this went so far from what I had originally imagined. part 2 will be hardcore smut so stay tuned
!gif not mine!
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You and Peter Parker were friends. That was all. At least that's what you told yourselves.
As a neighborhood hero yourself, you spent a lot of time with Peter. Being at the "bottom of the food chain" at the Avengers tower had its perks, of course, but it also meant that whenever anyone was too lazy to go get what they needed, you and Peter were tasked with the errands. Thor wanted a sandwich from the deli across town? Whatever. Natasha craved a chocolate cupcake from the bakery right across the street? No problem. Except when they made you take the friendly neighborhood Spiderman with you to get him out of the house.
Peter had the tendency to hole himself up in his room for days when he wasn't saving the city or doing patrols. Legos and whatever online forums he was browsing took up most of his time, which was frustrating to the entire tower, especially you. Totally not because you liked him, but because it wasn't healthy. So, every few days you had gone solo, Tony would drag his young protégé out of his room (sometimes by physical force) and force him to accompany you.
Being one of the few young women living at the tower and working with the team, they all treated you like a younger sister, just like they treated Peter as their younger brother. They all knew you could both hold your own on the battlefield, but they also knew sometimes you needed big sibling advice, needed to be told which side of the wrench to use, or even to be pushed together with your crush so you guys would just kiss already and stop pining. Steve's words, not yours.
What you loved about the team is that they always looked out for the two of you. What you hated was having to go around like their assistants to get them coffee from the 24-hour gas station at 4 a.m. so they could plan for whatever major fundraising event was coming up. If they were up, so were you and Peter, just in case they needed something. It may have been annoying sometimes, but they did so much for you that it only felt right to give that back in the ways you could. So, when coffee was requested for the second time in four hours, and the idea of buying a coffee pot for the tower was waved off, you and Peter headed out to the gas station.
The ding of the bell sounded as the two of you groggily shuffled in, the clerk side-eyeing you like you had just ruined his night by showing up for the second time in a night. As you browsed the aisles separately to shoot the shit, occasionally calling to one another to grab a certain snack, you could feel the long night getting to your brain. Of course, when you got groggy and tired, your brain started to tell you Peter was sending you signs that he liked you more than a friend, which was preposterous. Peter was dating MJ, and it was going well. However, you couldn't shake the fact that his glances at you felt longer, his arm around your shoulder felt less platonic, and the air felt thicker when you were alone together. But of course, that was all in your head, as you tried to remind yourself as he tossed you your favorite snack before heading to the checkout counter.
"Put your stuff up there too, and I'll just put it on the business card. Tony really shouldn't trust me with this thing when I'm near candy," Peter joked, smiling back at you as you came up behind him to put your items on the counter.
"I don't know why he keeps giving it to you instead of me. I'm clearly the more responsible one," you quip, eyeing the 3 different packs of candy you had grabbed along with the coffee cups.
The two of you shared a stare, chuckling at the haul as Peter shoved the card into the reader. His head whipped around as the card reader started beeping rapidly, taking it out with confusion.
"Sorry man, you shoved it in too hard. Sometimes the reader can get sensitive with that stuff," drawled the clerk, and Peter gently put the card back in with a chuckle.
"Jeez, Parker. Hope you don't treat MJ like that card reader," you joked, shoving your elbow into his arm. His face went red and he laughed, but then suddenly found the reader to be super interesting.
As the two of you carried your bags and drinks back to the tower, the air felt tight, and he hadn't spoken a word since he wasn't able to take his eyes off the reader. You had a feeling it had to do with your joke about MJ, so you piped up.
"Hey, sorry if the card reader joke was weird."
"No, no, it's fine. It just took me off guard," he said, not taking his eyes off the pavement.
"I didn't mean to imply that you were.." you trailed off. That he was what? Rough? You couldn't imagine Peter being rough. Sexually at least.
"No, seriously, you're fine. It's just- we haven't exactly-" he coughed.
"You two haven't had sex?"
"It's not that she doesn't want to, I just haven't-"
The conversation got cut off by the elevator opening, causing a stampede of tired and overworked heroes jonesing for their liquid sleep. After distributing the goods, the two of you made your way into the main living room and sat on the couch, finally digging into your haul of sugar. After a beat of silence, you sat back on the plush couch and looked at him.
"So?" you asked innocently.
He finally looked at you instead of the floor.
"What?"
"Why haven't you guys done it yet? I thought you were in love or something."
"That's a long story," he started, shifting in his seat. He suddenly found the floor more interesting again.
"If you don't want to talk about sex, that's fine. But you're always raving about MJ to me, and you've been quiet all night. You can tell me if something's going on, you know. We're friends," you said, shifting forward and placing a hand on his forearm.
Peter looked at you, and a beat passed as he searched your face. You were worried you had upset him or pushed too hard, but just as you rescinded your hand and opened your mouth to apologize, he spoke.
"She told me she loved me and I just... I couldn't say it back."
Your mind immediately reeled. Why couldn't he say it back? Did he like someone else? Was he lying to protect her from people coming after them?
He must have seen the look on your face, because he pretty quickly launched into an explanation so your mind wouldn't work too hard.
"I wanted to say it back," he started, taking a deep breath. "Something just told me that if I did, then she'd want to have sex, and I know we've been dating for 4 months, but I'm just not ready for that. It's too important and I don't want to waste it on-" he stopped. His face immediately reddened as you sat up quickly.
"Too important? Why?" you asked curiously, not being able to contain your thoughts.
"Just, never mind. I'll talk to you later."
With that, Peter got up and stalked away, leaving a trail of confusion behind him. Your mind raced for answers but came up short, and you ultimately gave up and shuffled back into the meeting room. There was some large map on the table, so you ended up near the end, where Steve was watching, looking bored.
"What was that all about?" Steve asked, apparently in a mood to talk about anything else than a charity event.
"Nosy much?" you joked, giving him a look.
"Indulge me. It's not that often we get a gloomy Peter."
"I think I pushed too hard when he told me he and MJ haven't had sex yet," you admitted with a sigh. Steve looked at you with surprise at the answer.
"Really? I thought they were madly in love~" he replied, wiggling his eyebrows.
"I know, I was surprised too. But apparently, it's 'too special' to do with her yet. But I can't figure out why. He's being weird about it, like he's never done it before-"
The realization hit the two of you like bricks.
"Oh my god, little Petey hasn't had sex yet? Isn't he like 21?" Steve asked, a bit too gleefully.
"Yeah, we're only a few days apart. That makes so much sense now! But I wonder why he feels like it wouldn't be special enough with MJ."
"Why don't you go ask him? Sounds more interesting in this stuff, anyway."
You nodded and cupped Steve on the shoulder before heading to the hallway with both your and Peter's rooms. You slowed as you came up to his door, bringing your hand up to knock, but stopping. He's probably had enough sex talk for the night. Instead, you dropped your hand and went to your own room, sleeping a little more peacefully with the knowledge that maybe Peter and MJ weren't as solid as you thought.
˚₊𓆩༺🕷༻𓆪₊˚
A pounding at your door woke you up with a jump.
"C'mon, we're gonna be late!" A voice called from the other side.
You rolled over to look at your alarm clock. 11:30 a.m. With a groan, you got up and started to get dressed.
You had been distracted all day. The whole team had to be at this too-large banquet hall to set up for the charity event that night, but your mind was definitely not on fancy curtains and chocolate fountains. As much as you didn't want to admit it, a part of you was relieved that Peter and MJ weren't as serious as you thought. A part of you wanted to know why he was so adamant that MJ wasn't the one he wanted to lose his virginity to, but the other part told you to leave it alone and keep it in your pants. As much as you wanted to fantasize, Peter had in no way made a pass at you, nor should he. He was your teammate. It didn't matter that his eyes gleamed when the two of you stood a little too close, or that his hand seemed to linger when you accidentally touched hands at meetings. He had a girlfriend, and that was that.
You had just started to accept this fact when you glanced at him across the room, and he ducked his head like he had just been caught staring. You brushed it off, trying to convince yourself that it was just a coincidence and that he was probably just thinking about your conversation last night. You had hauled yourself into focusing on the decorating so much that you didn't even notice at first when he showed up at your side with a coffee and your favorite dessert. You jumped a little when he said your name, but thanked him sweetly for the gesture. Peter brought you the combination a lot when he could tell you were tired or stressed. He was just a good friend like that, and you had forbidden yourself from thinking about it any other way years ago.
"I'm sorry about last night," he offered, sipping his own coffee.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I overstepped," you said, placing a hand on his arm. So muscular from training, yet so soft- nope. Not thinking about that. You removed your arm and tried really hard to focus in on the conversation. His eyes seemed to wander anywhere but yours, which wasn't like him, but you were trying not to push too hard again.
"You didn't. I'm just a little sensitive about sex. I just want it to be perfect, you know? And I know that it probably won't be because it rarely is, but I just have this picture in my head of what it should be. And I'm not ready to give that up just yet. Even if I do like MJ."
You felt a ping in your heart at the last sentence, but you soldiered on.
"That's okay. You shouldn't have to settle for something that's not what you want."
"Thanks. I'm trying to keep my expectations down, anyway. It's not like I have the means for a candlelit rooftop," he laughed, shoulders seeming to ease a bit. You chuckled, trying very hard to not notice the cute blush donning his cheeks.
"Oo, candlelit rooftop, eh? What other fancy plans do you have in mind, mister romantic?"
His blush deepened, and he hung his head to the floor with a sultry chuckle before bringing it back up with a look you couldn't decipher.
"Let's just say that when it happens, we won't leave until the sun comes up."
With that, Peter sauntered away with an air of confidence, leaving you to pick your jaw up off the floor all by yourself.
˚₊𓆩༺🕷༻𓆪₊˚
The alarm set on your phone went off with an annoying ring just as you were putting on your second earring. Fortunately, a lot of important people were going to be showing up to this fancy event, so Tony had instructed the entire team to put on their best. For you, that meant your old-that-doesn't-look-old prom dress you were surprised still fit. You peered into the mirror, giving one final look at the glittering navy that hugged your body so well it was sinful. Your hair cascaded down one shoulder, the other side pinned with silver and diamond pins. It was safe to say you cleaned up well.
You grabbed your phone to shut the alarm off just as Peter opened your door. You stumbled back from your bed in surprise, and as Peter opened his mouth to apologize, he stopped. Like a deer in headlights, the man looked you up and down with his mouth quite literally hanging open.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer," you said, chuckling at his gawking.
Before you could even register what he was doing, Peter ripped his phone out of his pocket and took a picture. He lowered it after the shutter sound, smiling the biggest you had seen in months.
"Did you really just-?" you asked in disbelief, not being able to control the laughter that spilled out. This man.
Proudly, like a kid showing his parent the artwork he just created, he showed you the picture he took. It was half blurry and the lighting was terrible, but he seemed so pleased with himself that you couldn't help but laugh.
After you got ahold of yourself, you grabbed your clutch purse, sliding your phone in. You walked out of your room, grabbing Peter's hand and pulling him along with you to the elevator like an excited puppy.
"We have a banquet to endure."
˚₊𓆩༺🕷༻𓆪₊˚
The banquet was roaring with people, laughing echoing off the walls, and too-drunk women reaching for more champagne. The few people you had talked to didn't have much to say, and only really wanted to talk about their boats and mansions. You decided to steer clear of them for now, going to grab yourself a second flute of champagne from the bar instead. You sipped your glass as you surveyed the scene, and caught the eye of a curly-haired, golden retriever of a man, already staring back at you. You noticed him politely excuse himself from the people he was talking to and saunter over to you, a half-empty glass in a hand of his own.
"Come to bore me with details about your boat, Parker?" you asked jokingly as he reached you and set his glass on the bar.
"Oh, of course. But my glass was also getting empty," he quipped, winking at you before turning to watch the bartender fill his drink.
"You weren't coming over here to tell me how exquisite I look tonight like the other old men looking for a sugar baby, were you?"
Peter picked up his glass and took a long sip before pausing to answer.
"I would describe you as ravishing, darling. And that's not exactly the kind of baby I'm looking for," he said in a jokingly I-am-rich-and-serious tone, going to sip his drink again. You choked on the hair, shaking your head at him. In the background, you noticed a band start to play a slow melody.
"You're lucky you're cute, Parker," you chuckled, taking the time to look him up and down like he had done earlier. Man, did he clean up nice.
"Don't think I don't see you checking me out. If you're going to gawk, at least make it subtle!"
You gasped out a laugh, looking back up at his face to see a cocky look on his face.
"May I remind you that you basically tripped over yourself to get a picture of me earlier?"
"Mm, I don't recall. Shall we dance?" he asked, brushing past the question with one of those goddamn smiles. He sat down his drink, now empty, and held out his hand for you to take.
You shook your head at him with a smile, but ultimately put your cup down and took his hand. He grasped it gently, but like you would slip away if he let go. You could feel the suaveness in his steps as he pulled you onto the dancefloor and into him, chest to chest. As you swayed to the music, hand in hand, so close all you could smell was his cologne, a soft silence fell between you. The music tumbled through the air as he held you, and for once, you let your mind wander. Your gaze drifted all over his face, taking in his freckles, his dimples. The way his mouth curved just so. It was overwhelming, how sudden you felt it. You had known Peter for so long, and your friendship was so solid. You didn't let yourself think about him the way you truly wanted to because you couldn't give that up. You wouldn't trade it for the world. He was so good, and soft, and caring. He sometimes cared more about your well-being than you did, especially when the nightmares would come and the depression would take over. The nights you woke up screaming, he would rush in and hold you for hours, getting you a snack once you had calmed and staying with you until morning. He would go out of his way to run errands with you sometimes, even if it was just getting toilet paper from the corner store. He was everything to you, and you couldn't risk that just to have him not feel the same. It would be the loss of your life. So, you hid it. You didn't allow it to swallow you whole, until now. Here, in this sparkling ballroom, dressed to the nines and bathing in Peter's scent, all you wanted to do was scream that you loved this man. It took everything in you to hold him so close, and yet keep the biggest secret from him. It was too risky.
You thought, at least. In the time you were lost in your head, your faces had gotten close. Too close. You looked up through your eyelashes into Peter's beautiful brown eyes and tried not to drown in your thoughts as you felt his breath on your cheek. As you felt his lips brush yours, your eyes fluttered closed-
A crash. You both jumped back as the music abruptly ended, and everyone turned to see the too-drunk wife of a very rich guy you had spoken with earlier in the middle of broken glass and champagne on the floor. Of course, she ran into the champagne fountain. There's your life.
You and Peter shuffled off the floor now that the mood was sufficiently ruined. You ended up settling at one of the standing tables nearby. The silence as some waiters cleaned up the broken glass slowly began to kill you. Doubt crept into your mind because Peter was your friend. He didn't like you like that. He surely felt you shift and didn't want to ruin the moment. Stupid, letting you feel for him. You knew it would ruin everything.
Peter shifted uncomfortably from side to side, and though the band had picked up again, you could tell something was off. He wasn't as chatty as usual, and he wore a solemn expression you couldn't place, solidifying the fact that you had fucked up.
"What's wrong?" you asked gently, breaking the silence.
"I broke up with MJ," he answered, almost a whisper.
"Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. I had to. She's not the one I can't stop thinking about," he admitted, eyes shifting back to yours.
You reeled back, confused. Your heart dropped to your stomach.
"Who is she, then?" You tried not to let the hurt infiltrate your voice. Of course, he met someone.
Peter's face shifted.
"What?"
"Who is she?" you gulped, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. You couldn't look him in the eye.
"Are you fucking with me? If you are, it's not funny," he said flatly. Your world was spinning. The warmth in your chest was gone now, leaving a gaping hole of emptiness in its place.
"Surprise, I don't watch your dating life with a microscope. Just tell me."
"You are unbelievable," he said, stepping back and shaking his head. You could see the hurt on his face.
"Peter-"
"I have to go," he said flatly, and rushed off without saying another word.
You felt the emptiness in your chest rise again, and even though the champagne tower was ruined, the bar sure wasn't. You stalked over to the bar and ordered the strongest drink they had.
˚₊𓆩༺🕷༻𓆪₊˚
Come to the roof read the text you received from Peter. This had better not be some superhero emergency.
You shoved your phone back into your bag and headed towards the elevator, pushing the highest button when you got in. Peter had been gone for about 30 minutes, which gave you plenty of time to sulk over whatever the fuck had happened. Oh, and gave you time to shoot down a couple shots. To your dismay, you were only tipsy. Stark apparently didn't allow too hard of liquor in case, well, what happened with the champagne tower.
As the elevator reached the rooftop, you took a deep breath, trying to soothe the nerves in your stomach. Fucking anxiety.
As soon as the door opened to the crisp night, you saw him. Peter, standing at the end of an aisle of candles. You stepped off the elevator, now officially confused. You walked towards him up the aisle of candles slowly, as if to not startle a deer. He was quiet as you approached, but you still couldn't read his face. You had been friends for years, and yet he still baffled you sometimes.
"Sorry, I uh, I'll leave you be," you pushed out.
"What?" Peter asked, pulling his hands from his pockets.
"You meant this for someone else? Wrong number, I guess. I'll let you get to it."
As you turned to walk away, Peter snagged your hand, pulling you back toward him.
"What do you see?" he asked plainly.
"What?"
"Describe what you see."
Still confused, you obliged, scanning the area.
"Candles. A blanket. The skyline. You," you answered, meeting his gaze once again.
"What does this look like?"
"A date? I guess?"
"And I texted you to come up here," he said, a small smile returning to his face. He grabbed your other hand, which was now apparently free. When did you set that down?
"You meant to text someone else," you replied confidently.
"I did not mean to text someone else. I meant to text you."
"But that means-" you stopped.
"I set this up for you. Us." His smile widened, and he began to pull you closer. Your cheeks reddened. It suddenly was very hot on this roof.
"Why?"
"You are so beautiful. Fast. Strong. Smart. You can be a little daft sometimes, though."
And with that, he brought his hands to your face and kissed you. Not too hard, but definitely not soft. He kissed you like he needed you, like you were oxygen and he was drowning. He put everything he had into that kiss, and it sent you soaring. You wrapped your hands around his wrist and waist, pulling him closer to you and kissing him back. You didn't realize how much you needed this until this moment. It was everything. Spring breezes, crunchy fall leaves, the stars twinkling at midnight. It was the glowing sun and the shining moon, the waves crashing on beaches, and birds singing in the morning. You never realized how much you were missing out on until this moment, when he was kissing you and you were kissing him. It was the moment you burst. There was no hiding anymore.
The kiss slowed, and you pulled away just enough to look him in his big, beautiful eyes. Breathless, the two of you sighed into soft laughter, unbelieving that it finally happened.
"So this is why you couldn't have sex with MJ?"
"You have had my heart since we met. I just didn't realize it yet."
He kissed you until your lips were swollen, until you felt there was no more air in the atmosphere. It was so perfect, and sweet, and him.
You moved to lay on the blanket he had set out, legs getting tired and weak after finally getting to feel everything you had suppressed for years. He held you, and you softly exchanged stories and sweet nothings. You told him everything, he told you. It was nothing short of perfect. The two of you lazily made out on the blanket under the stars and relished in the feeling of finally. Peter didn't even care when the sun rose over the skyline, because even though it was his first time having sex, it was deeper. It was his first time fully loving. Reveling in this happiness and the full extent of what it is to love and be loved. It was what dreams were made of.
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creature-wizard · 4 months
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Hello, your special interest in conspiracy theories might prove insightful for my predicament.
i've been having very strange things happening to me from a young age, and only in the past few years have i begun to accept them and embrace them. however, whenever i try to search for any information about them, i find these new age conspiracy rabbit-holes that as you've made clear are just thinly veiled white supremacist nonsense.
I wonder if transcendent experiences (in my case having direct, regular and positive interaction with a caring nonhuman entity as well as accurate premonitions for largely mundane future events) are not that uncommon but we either push them to the back of our mind and make them out to be wishful thinking or odd quirks of the brain.
That therein I think may be one of the reasons why the new age cult is the monster it is today: a vacuum of explanation and community for the very real and unexplainable experiences people leads them to new age sooner or later. In these rabbit-holes I often found people speaking of very similar experiences to mine but immediately attributing it to explanations provided by this cult, ones that i felt very deep in my gut to be bullshit.
Do you think the apprehension to discuss & believe genuine spiritual experiences for fear of a loss of acceptance by your peers is detrimental to non-new age spiritual communities? I observe that online pagan, witch, etc circles are rife with this apprehension, of either accepting their or others experiences, either actively or passively by adjusting language used to appeal to the assumed skepticism of the audience. New age, on the other hand, appeared to be far more accepting of the reality of these experiences.
A general unwillingness to consider strange and seemingly inexplicable events (spiritual experiences, UFO encounters, etc) without trying to apply a "rational" yet wholly inadequate explanation is absolutely a problem. The people who do this aren't even necessarily trying to be dismissive, but it can still often feel that way.
Meanwhile, New Age and the conspiracysphere in general will usually provide some sort of explanation that at least feels adequate, especially to those who aren't particularly scientifically or historically literate. (Although some people are so desperate that they'll set aside their scientific and historical knowledge.) New Age alien mythology, for example is of course chock full of nonsense, but it's still more validating than "you hallucinated it" or "you just saw a normal aircraft."
That said, I also don't think this is the only problem. People in general are just uncomfortable with not having answers, and don't really understand how having no answer is better than having a bad answer. Furthermore, people often perceive scientists as waffly and ignorant because scientists have a much better understanding of how much they don't know than the average person, and are therefore more hesitant to give firm answers; whereas conspiracy theorists, who are often incredibly ignorant as to how much they just don't understand, will just trumpet their beliefs with absolute certainty, and thus feel more likely to be right.
Overall I'd say there's a big cloth mother/wire mother problem going on, where New Age conspirituality often provides comfort and validation where more critical viewpoints typically do not.
Sometimes, people's egos just get in the way, like the person who has an incredibly vivid experience where they perceive a divine being telling them they're the reincarnation of Jesus Christ, and doesn't want to hear that maybe their experience shouldn't be taken at face value, and maybe they shouldn't go and start a cult over it.
So yeah, I'd say it's a combination of factors, and I think overall it could be helped by everyone coming to terms with not needing to have an answer or a solution to things like this all the time. We don't need to always assume that we already have enough information to adequately explain things like this, and that it's better to not have an answer than to come up with a bad one. And I think it could also be helped by understanding that just because the current "rational" answer is wholly inadequate, doesn't mean that the conspiratorial or spiritual one is any better. And I think we all need to be more aware of people's need for validation and comfort, and do our best to be more compassionate and understanding in general.
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Hi so I’m an incoming freshman I have autism and ADHD I was wondering do you have any tips for high school specifically for people with autism and ADHD like me? Thank you for your time!!
Hi there,
It’s been out of school since 2015, so I’m rusty with tips. However I did find one article listing 12 tips that might help:
1. You don’t need ONE study space.
A well-stocked desk in a quiet place at home is key, but sometimes you need variety. Coffee shops, libraries, parks, or even just moving to the kitchen table will give you a change of scenery which can prompt your brain to retain information better.
2. Track more than HW in your school planner.
Keeping a calendar helps you plan ahead—but you’ve got more going on than just homework assignments! Make sure you’re marking your extracurricular, work, and social commitments, too. (Tests, band practice, away games, SAT dates, half-days and holidays are just a few examples of reminders for your planner.)
3. Start small.
If you’ve got a big assignment looming, like a research paper, stay motivated by completing a piece of the project every few days. Write one paragraph each night. Or, do 5 algebra problems from your problem set at a time, and then take a break.
4. School supplies (alone) don’t make you organized.
Come up with a system and keep to it. Do you keep one big binder for all your classes with color-coded tabs? Or do you prefer to keep separate notebooks and a folder for handouts? Keep the system simple—if it’s too fancy or complicated, you are less likely to keep it up everyday.
5. Get into a routine.
When will you make the time to do your homework every day? Find the time of day that works best for you (this can change day-to-day, depending on your schedule!), and make a plan to hit the books.
6. Learn how to create a distraction-free zone.
A study on workplace distractions found that it takes workers an average of 25 minutes to return to what they were working on pre-interruption. Try turning off your phone notifications or blocking Twitter (temporarily) on your computer so you can concentrate on the homework tasks at hand.
7. Get real.
When you’re looking at the homework you have to get done tonight, be realistic about how long things actually take. Gauging that reading a history chapter will take an hour and writing a response will take another 30 minutes will help you plan how you spend your time.
8. Use class time wisely.
Is your teacher finished lecturing, but you still have 10 minutes of class left? Get a jump on your chemistry homework while it’s still fresh in your mind. Or use the time to ask your teacher about concepts that were fuzzy the first time.
9. Look over your notes each night to make sure you've got it.
Fill in details, edit the parts that don’t make sense, and star or highlight the bits of information that you know are most important. Interacting with your notes will help you remember them. You can also use Homework Help to get your questions answered 24/7.
10. Study a little every day.
Cramming Spanish vocabulary for a quiz might work in the short-term, but when comes time to study for midterms, you’ll be back at square 1. You might remember the vocab list long enough to ace the quiz, but reviewing the terms later will help you store them for the long haul.
11. Don’t let a bad grade keep you down.
A rough start to the semester doesn’t have to sink your GPA. Take proactive steps by checking your grades regularly online and getting a tutor if you need one.
12. Make a friend in every class.
Find a few people you can contact from each of your classes if you have a homework question or had to miss class (and do the same for them!).  Then when it comes time to study for exams, you'll already have a study group.
The article will be below:
I hope this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️
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cupidspup · 3 months
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hello! congrats on 50 followers!
#9 from your 20 questions game? as a queer disabled regressor i love hearing other people’s experiences!
~ @littletism 🎀
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Eeee hello hi! ^^ Thank you for your question I'm so so excited to answer! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა
The question is:
"If you have other marginalized identities (lgbtq+, neurodivergent, poc, ect...) how do they figure into your regression?"
And my answer is...
It incorporates into my regression in a lot of ways!! X)
I know you all don't know a lot about me so this is sort of a deeper dive into me along with being a fun lil game! :] So strap in its a bit of a long one x)
I'm a person of color, I'm in the lgbtq+ community (not straight and my gender identity doesn't align with my assigned sex at birth), I have autism and adhd AND on top of that I have other mental health/physical health problems that can take a huge toll on me too! :")
Regression isn't always sunshine and rainbows for sure. I come from a very troubled background, my regression comes from a place to heal that child that was hurt from that time. To give me back what I lost as a child or to give me what I never had.
I'm a trans guy and I'm proud, but online I get really finicky about it because I'm always scared that no one will respect it (or my pronouns) because I'm a hyperfem trans guy so I try to hide my gender/sex a lot which is something I'm working on ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა
On top of that with the mental health problems I have, they make me incredibly sensitive and extremely clingy no matter what age I regress to. I have chronic back and joint pain which makes it hard to do a lot of the "typical" regressor things and sometimes it can put a damper on how I feel about myself as a little too (╥ᆺ╥;)
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This all translates to a very big crybaby little, who seems like nothing will satisfy them, very high maintenance along with the constant energy just MOVING!!! I'm not a skinny person either and my feelings get so confused too :< "why don't I look like that person? I want to sit criss-crossed too!! Wait I don't want to be a little prince I wanna be a princess!! Princesses are cute!! Oh I hope I'm not being too much...I'm too much...Oh but my cg loves me still!!" Most of the time when I'm small, my Pronouns change too because in my little brain the feminine girly stuff feels way better than all the little boy stuff!! It's a really hard thing to navigate but I'm happy the people around me are open minded and accepting of that 🩷
With all the trauma I've experienced certain words and actions can trigger me even easier :"] it can be a lot for a lil guy with anxiety. Not to mention that my regression doesn't look anything like my childhood (I'm Latin-Hispanic) so sometimes it feels like it's just a game of pretend or like I'm dressing up as a white person so that I can fit in with the "rest of the kids" ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟;;;ა (I, of course, mean no offense to anyone)
Thoughts and feelings are fast and troublesome.
But it's not all that bad either!!
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With the big thoughts come even bigger hugs and kisses! With the back/joint pain comes back rubs and tickles (With consent of course🩷) and soft pillows n plushies to rest on!! When I feel like stimming I (very luckily) have a cg who's willing to rock me n do all the stimmy things with me! ૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა He's always willing to work around the stuff I like and don't like and knows what food is safe and not safe :3
I feel that because I'm so different a whole other world gets unlocked through my regression!! I want to experience so much and rewrite the story that little me had to live through. I want to bring comfort to those who don't exactly have any guidance or the means for said comfort.
My regression is different from most but also valid and very common! I love this community and I love that it's been here for me for my hardest times 🩷 I'd love to be an older figure in the community (since I'm so grown up now!! I grew from 13 to almost 21 in the blink of a eye!!) that guides the new generation one step at a time :] There's so much more that I can say about my regression but this is getting long and I think I've covered a good amount of it ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა
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Thank you so much @littletism for joining the game and asking me this question!! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა (also I love your blog its so so cute and it'd be so cool if we could be friends maybe ८,,◐⩊◐,,ა /nf)
Anywho until next time!!
- Kyupie ⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
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pastself · 12 days
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17, 25 and 29 for the writer asks game!
29/ how easy is it for you to come up with titles?
Sometimes, super easy. Want for Nothing, Everything is Legal in Jersey and Bare just... arrived with their names! Other times, it is literally the last thing I decide. Called on the Devil & Groupie Love were so fucking hard to name.
25/ besides writing, what are your other hobbies?
I'm first and foremost a reader! In a previous online life, I managed to turn that hobby into a side hustle as a reviewer. (And subsequently learned that monetizing my hobbies was v v bad for me lol.)
17/ talk about your writing and editing process
*cracks knuckles* (mild spoilers for Want for Nothing below, as well as way more detail than asked for :)
This year, I finally diagnosed my writing style: I'm 95% a "methodological pantser". (Highly recommend this youtube series on writer types, icymi. Tell me what kind of plotter you are, ursa!)
In practice, this means I intermix writing and editing, and really struggle to know if something will work unless I actually write it. (For the record, after learning this about myself, I did *try* techniques for other writer types in order to test the diagnosis. It was ±okay but I clearly have a preference.)
When I start a story from scratch, I usually only have one situation/vibe in mind. I write outwards from that and see where it goes. Sometimes, this means I have to loop back and imagine background that got me to that moment. But other times, it is just a case of constantly building forwards. (And course correcting when I lead myself in the wrong direction.)
E.g. I started Want for Nothing writing the prologue and the first Peter/Steve and Pepper/Peter scenes -- and then worked backwards to get them to that moment. I repeated that back and forth a million times to establish the first 50%. Harry cheating, for instance, was only something I worked out once I wrote the Gwen intro -- and I only wrote that because I had just written a scene where Gwen called Tony a creep and where did she come from?
The struggle with writing this way is that I can get myself to a problem with no solution. For example, I knew the Ned/MJ/Tony games night would be the catalyst for breaking Peter out of his "hide from the world" stasis. But then what? I literally had to write out like 5 versions of that scene to find out.
Sometimes that "then what?" material can be reused in other contexts (as I recently did with a good 3k of scenes I just wrote for Bare), but it's often thrown away. Life would be much easier if I could "feel" what works via outline, but bon.
Where the "methodological" part of my pantsing comes in is in my endings and establishing plot beats. I write my outlines *after* I've written ±50% of a fic, to get an overview of where things stand, where things are missing, what needs to go. Once I realise "oh that scene is the midpoint", I can usually sketch out the ending without needing to write a million drafts of it. (That said, the last 25% is often when my brain stops having ideas :)
In terms of final edits: while I am a fast "write the bones" type, adding on the details takes me forever. I usually rework a section ~10 times, sometimes even tweaking plot points. My last step is to listen to the text read aloud ~2 times (using disability functionality) for final read through and to spot typos. 
thanks for indulging me with the asks! <33
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partyanimal167 · 1 year
Text
Friendly Support- Luffy x GN!Reader
Hola~
So @kingofthe-egirls has been feeding me with their brothel au so I just wanted to write something for them because I rarely request things, and I'm shocked with how they've ran with it. I'm still getting used to writing Luffy, so I hope she likes it.
CW: sex work positivity, shy reader, afab, nsfw/mdni, she/they pronouns, praise kink
It was already embarrassing enough that he found out your little side hustle. But NOW he was asking questions too. The earth needed to swallow you up.
It was always a treat to get invited to Luffy's big summer picnic. You knew he used to live with some of his friends from childhood and college, but now that everyone was doing their own thing, it was hard to coordinate schedules and get together. However, nearly everyone would make it out to that big green park in the center of the city and hang from noon to well into the night.
Sanji and Zoro handled the food and drinks. Robin was there to make sure no Karens would try to ask them about permits or who let them use the public pavilion. Chopper was ready to pass out sunscreen to everyone, and Brook was obviously the dj. Everyone still fit into their gang of friends.
It did sometimes make you nervous to attend any gathering of Luffy's crew, but they were always friendly and inclusive. You would get fed delicious treats and play games. You brought your own camera equipment to take some videos and photos to look back on.
No matter what though, Luffy somehow was able to give you enough time and attention--even during the normal work week.
He was eating his fifth plate of food while you looked off at Franky tell Law about a rare action-figure that was on the market. You smiled to yourself, just happy to be there and enjoying the day.
"Lavy," your nickname was random but stuck with you nonetheless, "can you come over tomorrow?"
It wasn't often that Luffy asked you to swing by. More often, he would go to your place or just tell you to show up whenever. He really had an open door policy to his house. His brothers didn't seem to mind.
You hummed to yourself in thought. "I don't know. I have a few things to get done at home."
Luffy physically sagged and frowned at you. "Please Y/N, it's important."
Now this was just plain weird. Luffy, for the most part, was very upfront about things, so it was odd that he wanted to have some form of privacy between the two of you.
You looked at your camera equipment that was packed up and then nodded. "Yeah sure. I'll come over when I can."
~~~
It was early evening when you showed up to Luffy's, and you were surprised that his brothers were both gone. You thought that you two were just going to lounge and watch movies on the couch, but you didn't know what to expect when Luffy ushered you to his room and had you sit on his bed. It wasn't like this was the first time you were there, but there was a large living room with a nice tv to use.
You let your feet dangle and swing while you watched Luffy type away at his laptop barely a foot away from you. He had an odd concentrated look on his face while he peered at the screen and tongue slightly peeked out.
It seemed he found what he was looking for, and you waited curiously for what ever he was going to show.
"Lavy, why do you let those men push you around?" he asked sternly.
Your brain paused. "What?" What was Luffy talking about? Did he mean work? Sure your job could be annoying, but no one was giving you major problems or treating you badly.
Luffy held his eye contact with you while pressing a key. Suddenly, sounds of your very distinct moans and whimpers started to play. Your eyes shot up and you immediately felt nervous as you could only imagine how in the world Luffy found your content page.
You certainly weren't ashamed of your side hustle, but there wasn't really a chance to bring up how you did online sex work. However, it didn't seem as if Luffy was shocked by that fact at all. He seemed to want to know more about who co-stared with you. The audio stopped.
Luffy tilted his head. "Do you like that y/n-chan?" You fidgeted with your hands a little--unsure what to say. "How come you never asked me to do that?"
Wait. What?
"Huh?"
Luffy went on. "Yeah! Why don't you ask me to do those things with you?"
You felt a different type of nervousness and took a moment to gather your words. "I mean, I- we've never talked about that sort of thing? I didn't know if you'd like-,"
"I like anything you do." Luffy easily stated. "I'll let you do anything and say how good you are. I know I'm better than those guys. I know you're good."
You heart fluttered at the promise of praise from Luffy. You fidgeted with your fingernails a little and was still nervous to make eye contact with your friend. "Well...what do you want me to do?"
"Look me in my eyes." The seriousness of his tone caught you by surprised, so there was no way you couldn't listen to him. Luffy's warm smile returned on his face. "Do I make you nervous?" he chuckled.
You were tempted to look away but fought the urge. "A little," you answered honestly.
Luffy snickered before reaching out to ruffle your hair. His hand slid down gently to cup your chin and ran a rough thumb softly across your bottom lip. "Can we play?" Your face was burning now. You nodded. "I want you to say it."
"I wanna play, Luffy."
He leaned towards your face. "Good girl," he whispered before pressing his lips forward.
You never knew what it would be like to kiss Luffy. There were hints and whispers about his bedroom life. It wasn't a taboo subject, but it did seem he was a bit less active than most adults. It wasn't a bad thing, of course. Just that you figured he was picky--maybe--so that probably meant that he wouldn't entertain you on a whim.
However, the fact that Luffy was letting his desires known after stumbling on your content, was not something you expected at all.
You weren't complaining though.
You groaned as you kept the kisses going and reached out to touch his soft hair. You played with it and moved all on his body, but noticed that Luffy's hands were still by his side. "Touch me," you whined.
He immediately obeyed and your skin burned from his touch. Some of his touches were soft while others pulled at the chubbier parts of your body; those he seemed to really like.
"You make such cute sounds, y/n." he groaned before fully pulling you into his lap and sitting you on his erection. "Do you like how you make me feel?" he groaned.
"Yes Lu,"
He laughed lightly. "You sound better than your videos. Make some more sounds." he rolled his hips upwards while pushing you to meet. The friction was intoxicating. You didn't think Luffy would be one to tease and build up, but it seemed he was in the mood to take his time since this moment was here. There was no control of your volume; Luffy didn't flinch at your grip on his shoulders. "There we go, hehe." he chuckled and nibbled below your ear.
"I wanna make you feel good. We'll make something better than your videos."
~~~
Aaah~ Luffy!
Lavender, I hope you like this.
I'm hopefully going to get my nsfw skills together, but I don't mind this Luffy here.
Thanks for reading!
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thebibliosphere · 1 year
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Hi there, ive come from your post about ADHD and emotional disregulation, firstly thank you so much for putting it into words, its such a complicated part of how i deal with emotions and i havent ever been able to articulate how to why.
Secondly, in that post you mentioned how you've used stress as a motivator and how eventually your stress regualtion broke, i was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about that? (If not, its not a problem)
I feel like the same thing has happened to me but until i read your post i had no idea that something had... snapped? I suppose? I struggle with motivation all the time and in the past id have a week or a few days left and id be able to suddently push myself very hard to complete whatever it is before the deadline, just barely making it in most cases. However now it seems that i can't find that motivation anymore, deadlines come and pass and i can't being myself to work on anything, and i just end up spiralling into shame and guilt. That motivation was the only thing that I was able to rely on sometimes for things like uni, and i conviced myself that it was just me growing lazy or trying to get out of responsibility as to why the "last minute panic-mode" doesnt work anymore.
Again, if you don't wanna tackle this can of worms or if it's something youd rather not post online i totally get it, its no biggie! thanks so much for making the original post as well, it means a lot
Hello friend, thanks for the message. I'm sorry you're also dealing with this.
The good news here is that I've already talked about this using the rubber band analogy my therapist gave me. (Stress is like a Rubber Band)
If you don't have the mental bandwidth to read all of it now, the tl;dr is "stress is like a rubber band; it can stretch to hold numerous things in place when you need to, but if you do it too often or keep adding more and more strain under the band, the elastic eventually becomes brittle and snaps, taking your mental and sometimes physical health with it too."
I've been in intensive therapy for this for roughly three years now, and trying to piece my brain back together after my last bout of stress-induced productivity gave me a total mental breakdown.
It's... odd not being able to use stress and having to actively avoid it to avoid a relapse. But it is doable. Medication would help, but alas, I've got weird health issues and am unmedicated at the minute.
(And just in case that sparks anyone to go, "Oh, you do all this unmedicated! Wow, that's so inspiring!" as sometimes parents do to me on here as they then tell me they don't want to medicate their kids, I've unfortunately also written a post about what that kind of success looks like from an unmedicated perspective and the kind of suicidal ideation I deal with on the regular because I cannot take meds. It is not pleasant reading, but it is necessary for some folks, specifically anti-med, "if you just tried harder" people.)
A book you may find helpful is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. It was very validating for me to read about other people going through the same things, and made me feel less of a "this is a personal failing on my part" and more of a "Oh okay yeah, no stress literally breaks people."
It helped soothe some of my own internalized "I just need to try harder" and helped cement me on the path I was already going down with my ADHD therapist toward changing how I view myself and how I manage my ADHD.
I hope that helps! If you've got more specific questions or I didn't touch on something in my old post, I can try to answer them :)
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heathtrash · 10 days
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When you're working on TWW fanfic, how do you get like new inspiration or even just the motivation to keep going?
(p.s. thank you for keeping the fandom alive!!)
inspiration/ideas are something i almost never have a problem with. i come up with new scenarios for these gays almost constantly and it's everything in me to not just constantly begin new wips and crossovers and aus that have never been explored! and there's so much media to draw from with tww with all eight books, the shows, the movie, the spinoffs - idk but even like vanilla 2017 or 1998 stuff is always giving me life, maybe because i'm an insatiable multishipper with no chill and an adoration of rarepairs.
i also make sure i "read around" tww. i watch things or listen to audiobooks with a related genre or vibe, especially if i'm exploring au or want to go for a specific tone. keeping your brain active and making connections like this helps so much with inspiration and plot. it's like going on a silly little mental health walk, but instead of nature or whatever, you're opening your brain up to new possibilities. even something completely unrelated can spark something! it makes the worlds you write feel a bit richer as you're writing them.
motivation is something different, because i struggle with a lot of self-confidence in my own writing (lol, cptsd. i'm in therapy). comments on my works do really help with that. but these days people seem to feel weird about leaving comments on works that aren't like a week old??? bruh people still talk about books that are decades or centuries old. and we have some lovely people still in the fandom who are willing to read some of my work, and that is amazing to me!!
but of course, there are fics i've started that i am not sure will ever see the light of day because i feel like they're not good enough, or works that i've put up that very few people were interested in (rip to pippa university years my beloved. never escaped single digits on the kudos for 10k of fic). those embarrassments and failures hold me back so much because they confirm my own negative thoughts about my writing and make me not want to put my energy into this. i have a full plan of chapter 13 of a clock with no hands, but i keep giving myself imposter syndrome over my ability to write it well enough. idk. rationally, i know that the types of story i write are sometimes not what people want to read. i think it's important to talk about (please i am NOT fishing) because i'm sure there are many people who feel the same way. some people even look up to me as a writer?? but i cannot emphasise enough that it's a miracle that anything goes online with my mental health being how it is.
anyway, enough about me! mostly i try to think primarily of the fandom and what's best for us right now. that's why i'm running the drabble exchange, which i think will be a really fun way to get little sparks of inspiration going for everyone, as well as hopefully providing a chance for new writers to dip their toe into whatever ship they like! please sign up to join in - this is the last weekend before i close sign-ups!
i'm certainly not solely responsible for keeping the fandom alive though!!! there are some incredible artists who are doing a much better job of that than me with the recent influx of art - as well as all those who are writing new fics that are providing after the slump we had with the conclusion of the 2017 series. it was really hard to recover the fandom after s3, and i know i've had a small part to play in that with the twitter group chat evolving into reviving the discord. but i couldn't have done any of that if no one else was around to join in!
(also side note - general invitation extended to anyone who wants to join the discord!)
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ursafootprints · 8 months
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pls tell me allllll about: can you make my heart stop, oxidize, simtony starkercest
ouo c:
Lmao you requested the Starkercest Special, EVERY one of these is Starkercest. (And these snippets are all varying degrees of NFF sooo)
Oxidize is the sequel to my brothercest fic Pyrite! Wherein Tony is totally casual about all this and has absolutely no problem keeping his fling with his baby brother no-strings-attached. Totally. No problem at all. He is not obsessed how dare you.
"Hey, kid," Tony said, smoothing his hands over Peter's thighs. "Your brain back online yet?" Peter breathed a sigh, shifting the arm he'd flung across his eyes so he could peek down at where Tony was nestled between his legs. "Uh-huh," he said, still flushed and panting, and Tony snorted. "Use your big boy words and maybe I'll believe you," Tony said, and he smirked at the way it made Peter shiver. "It's not my fault you just-- just--" Peter protested, pouting like he didn't like when Tony made fun of his age. Which was hot, but also kind of the topic of the conversation.
Simtony starkercest: I've talked about a little bit before-- Peter is secretly Spider-man and discovers that his dad is secretly a supervillain, but Peter doesn't have time to reveal his identity before Tony decides to punish him for all his meddling. (With noncon. It's a noncon fic.)
He knelt by Peter's side, and Peter paused in his instinctive struggling, praying for the first time that his dad would try to remove his mask. That he'd want to know who had been ruining his plans, that he'd see that it was his son who had been betraying him, that they would have to argue and say things they couldn't come back from but that it would stop his dad from-- from-- "Getting my guys arrested is one thing. Destroying my things is one thing," Tony said, and he didn't reach out for Peter's mask. He just watched, almost bored, as the tendrils of his suit wrapped themselves even tighter around Peter's limbs and jaw and Peter whimpered with the agonizing pressure. "But breaking into my home? My family home, that I share with my son?" Peter's heart felt like it stopped as his dad's expression twisted into a snarl, and he yelped with pain and panic alike as the tendrils roughly dragged him around on the carpet until he was splayed at his dad's knees. "That, I'm going to have to hurt you for."
can you make my heart stop:
Tony's breath hitched when Peter slipped a hand into his boxers, and god, sometimes Peter thought the feeling of that firm heat in his hand was even better than the feeling of his dad returning the favor. He kissed his way down Tony's neck and peeked down between their bodies for that glimpse of their hands wrapped around each other, intoxicating in its contrast-- his dad was bigger than him, thicker and with a deeper flush to his skin that looked amazing in Peter's pale hand. It was so hot. Peter tried to keep it under wraps some just how much he wanted his dad, how he could spend all day doing this if Tony would let him, because-- it was still something delicate between them. Tony had already reassured him all the times Peter had asked 'can I?' and 'is this okay?' and 'you mean it?,' and his heart was as steady as it could be with a hand pumping his cock, but the whole reason Peter wanted to tread carefully was because he knew this was complicated. How his dad still felt guilty embracing what they both wanted, how it might strike him as something bitter instead of sweet if Peter told him how delicious he looked in Peter's hand.
…………..yeah y'all wore me down with all the sad questions on the askblog lmao it's the wicked love dadson threequel
Thank you for playing!! 💖💖💖
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rikreiner · 1 year
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I'm laying in bed, trying to collect my thoughts on my asexuality. Everything sounds so much better in my head, but let me try and explain a bit.
I'm in my 30s and still asexual. Not a phase, and I'm one of those who is sex favorable even if I haven't had sex in a long while. The problem is, i want to have a kid. Kind of hard when your knee jerk reaction to any type of flirting is to say no, go away. And the allos don't make it easy to say i want a kid. A few have come out of the woodwork to "offer their services" so long as it's the "traditional method" of insemination and in one case so long as I don't tell their wife. Makes me feel gross. Maybe i would just need to bite the bullet and pay a sperm bank even if that costs thousands of dollars per try.
Problems accumulate from that point. I'm single and will likely always be so. I would be supporting a kid on a single income. Not the easiest thing to do considering stagnant wages, rent being calculated based on two incomes normally, and generally just singlism in general. I want to go back for my masters and teach at the university level. Maybe then I would earn enough to support a child.
Next problem with that is i wouldn't want the child to interact with my parents because they are horrible people. So no real social safety net to speak of. I've never even told them I'm asexual because it just makes dealing with them a bit easier.
But this is getting away from me talking and rambling about my asexuality. I moderate a discord server for aces and sometimes even there i just feel out of place. I'm older, favorable, etc. I sometimes feel like i would have more in common with the bi community than the kids i look after online. We used to be part of that community if the hearsay is correct.
I feel like I've lost the thread of what i wanted to talk about now. It's 1:30 in the morning and my brain is tired. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow to think about what it is i want to say... and maybe type it from my computer rather than my phone.
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jgydidnothingwrong · 10 days
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Fic Writer Q&A
Tagged by @cryptidafter
How many wips do you have currently?
1. songxue hanahaki au. This one has priority and that’s the only thing I will say. 
2. bingyao. Basically, Luo Bingge jumping universes to found that nice shizun, getting trapped in the mdzs universe, meeting Meng Yao and offering him sex to he could develop a proper core. The Meng Yao getting cured with magical dick fic, basically. 
3. dinohiba, the usual bullshit about them being no in love lol (Dino thinking about what’s worse or best? Having sex with an illegal teenager because he’s in love? Or is the love an excuse and he’s only a pervert?) (based on “Baby said”, so Kyoya is there, like “shut up, let’s fuck lol) (I basically don’t care about the underage, but is funny to torture Dino from time to time)
4. xiyao idol!Meng Yao au. Based (lightly) on My Beautiful Man. Lan XiChen in this is a person justifying his obsession with “the fans online say this is normal, actually”. 
5. Third chapter of the alien au!! The xuexiao one!! I’ve finally decided Song Lan role in the story (he’s sadly dead). Another chapter in my very personal au based on Bloodchild, about humans accepting being used as host to aliens babies in exchange for living a comfortable life in another world. I love this fic, is my very special baby. This chapter is gonna fit the “love” from the title (Is “Greed, Horror, Love”). An love is violence. Love is violent in it’s nature and is Xue Yang’s love for his own life, and Xiao XingChen’s love for Song Lan who lead her to use Xue Yang because she will lose what’s left from Song Lan (in this universe, the female aliens are the ones who do the trade with humans, males are too savage, and maybe not developed enough, is not clear, but that’s how I will play it. Males die early and females store the sperm until they’re ready. That’s also not into the original story, but I need to invent some things).
6. Fierce corpse Meng Shi. So, basically Meng Shi died and turned into one for whatever reason and Jin GuangYao discovered when he moved her corpse to the temple, she’s been quiet because of the prayer and all that. My problem with this is, I can’t decide if I want a happy ending, like, Meng Shi saving Jin GuangYao, or if I want to turn it into a little horror, in the form of Meng Shi taking her son back because he was safe when he was inside of her body… and that’s why is still not finished. 
7. The xiyao fucking by mistake. Basically, Meng Yao tired of his life and watching JZX having a freaking amazing party while he gets nothing, so for one day, he wants to said “fuck it” to all. But he doesn’t believe in relationships, so he hires a scort. And Lan XiChen, by mistake, comes to his room. 
I have more but I’m tired haha
Which one are you finding the hardest to finish?
THE ALIEN AU!!!
Every chapter takes me a year from the moment I start, because I like this one very much, and I don’t want to feel like I’m insulting Octavia Butler, so I try to make it good. 
What does it usually look like when inspiration strikes for you?
It doesn’t. I don’t wait for the inspiration anymore. But sometimes, in a good day, my brain feels alive, so I write. But I also write when my braid is dying. I write and expect for that spark to shine.
Do you curate playlists for each fic or is your process different?
No, unless I decided for a song before, it doesn't matter, I don’t bother myself with it. Usually, the D18 have songs. Like, the one I’m writing is “Baby Said”, the last xiyao was “El Hombre Pájaro” and the epilogue for Silk Cage exists because of “Luz de día” but I don’t stress myself with thinking songs. 
Do you go balls to the wall and write as you go or are you more organized?
Balls to the wall, I never organize anything lol.
Tagging: @mostlikelytofangirl @unfortunatelycake
And whoever wants to do it
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charmspoint · 7 months
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🌿for the writers truth or dare!
Thank you for the ask!
Ask game
🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity
Cradling your face in my hands
YOUR BODY IS NOT A MACHINE. NEITHER IS YOUR MIND.
Idk about you anon in particular, but I've found that I often have writers blocks the most when I push myself too much. I'm currently in a writing low, which is normal because I'm right off a really really big project and I need to replenish my energy. I also had a really big writing block when I came crashing down from 2021 when I wrote a truly dumb number of fics for me. This one happened because I got caught up in the fandom craze and tried to pump out a lot of high quality fics fast, because that is what fandom demands from writers and artists these days. Fast and quality. This of course wasted a lot of mental and emotional energy which couldn't be compensated by the at the time abysmal comment frequency (Recently I've been getting a lot more comments and I hope everyone else is too. It would feel nice to be out of this dark feedback era).
So to reiterate.
Your body is not a machine.
Think about what is happening around you in life. Are you stressed about school, college, work? Are you having social problems? Are you spending too much time online? Do you feel like you constantly have to be pumping out projects or people will stop paying attention?
From my experience, writing block is very rarely about the inability to write itself. Inability to write is a side effect of something else. A big project, complicated outside factors, external pressure, or just the fact that you got a new game and you are using all your time to play your game and not doing anything else (person who is not obsessed with BG3 atm). Usually when these are dealt with and you renew energy after them, writing will come back on its own.
You need to be kind to yourself.
I find this to be the best advice in many situations.
Pushing yourself to do what you can't do at the moment will only result in further frustration. Yes, it's good to have a writing habit, but I advocate for that to be a low goal one. My goal is 200 words a day. Sometimes I don't manage to do this because life is complicated but 6 days out of 7 I do. This keeps you on track, doesn't let your brain stale, but also isn't just torturing you.
If you are lacking in creativity you need to EXPERIENCE THINGS. Read that book you've been putting off, start a new manga, watch a movie, beyond that, take a daily walk, go to a museum, discuss ideas with your friends. I hate the phrase media consumption but I do like eating imagery and your brain NEEDS to eat. It needs to experience different art forms to be able to produce ideas of its own. Fanfiction is fine too, but unless you know a really amazing writer who brings a lot of new things into their work, I wouldn't recommend it, because in the end fanfiction is just exploration of a familiar thing. Thing you are stuck on. DON'T function only on fanfiction.
Let your material REST. If you are stuck on the fic, shove it in a folder and don't look at it for a week. Try not to think about it too much, do some of the things above and let your work rest. After a week you'll forget the finer details of it and will be able to look at it more objectively, which might help you resolve the thing you were stuck on. Also sometimes when you read your own fic a fresh you get those 'I´m a fucking genius' moments which is always great.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
Don't create on anyone's schedule but your own. I know how incredibly hard it is, I've felt it too, with fandom today which is overly picky, overly judgy and not very grateful. With a fandom that seems to more and more treat its creators as content machines instead of people sharing their passion projects. DON'T WRITE FOR THOSE PEOPLE. It's hard but don't write for the comments in your inbox. Don't set a schedule you can't meet. I've been writing a 17 chapter fic for almost 3 years now because I want a weekly release schedule but I don't want a weekly writing schedule. If your fic takes 6 months, a year or 10, let it take that times, don't shove it out before you feel ready.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!
Realize that sometimes writing just won't go, no matter what you do. Realize that you aren't a failure or a fraud for this, that it means nothing when it comes to your skill and ability, that the greatest writers ever had struggled with the same thing. Some days you don't have time to write, some days you aren't in the mood to even do the bare minimum. These days will exist and be kind to yourself on them. Your writing won't escape anywhere. Come to terms with being human and come back to it tomorrow.
Hope any of that rant helps hzbjhvh!!!
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shocked-collar · 2 months
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Ren's the type of man to groom you over online games. The way he can take control of a lobby, the way you attract him with how well you listen and behave- it's just fun for you. Someone who knows what they're doing and who knows how to win the game taking charge because he knows he can. Feeling seen and admired because he recognized your strengths and weaknesses and put you in a specific, coordinated area because of it... But it's so much more to him.
You get praised for you performance. And when you fuck it up, he's very energetic. Basic gamer rage for a moment, before calming down and "Aaagh, that's alright. Next time!". An instant buddy. A stranger you feel the need to defend to other players, because "At least he's actually trying!" and oh god, the things it does to him.
You two become in-game friends. Every time you come online, you're sent a lobby invitation. You two get close. You meet his other friends, he meets yours. Soon enough, you've built an entire team of people on your side. You guys feel great! You feel like one of those famous, competitive teams! And Ren is never shy to tell you how good of a job you do.
Soon enough it's not just the game. It's your social media. You've added each other, and can now peer into each others lives. He loves talking to you. Tells you all the time how pretty you are in all your pictures. Comments on all your posts, likes everything, tags you in things.. Notices how close you two live to each other. He becomes pushy. He wants to talk all the time. His patience is thinning with you. He's almost possessive over you.
"So you played with [---] all day? And didn't invite me?" "Where were you? I missed you..." "Do you even like me anymore? I know we spoke 8 hrs ago, but you sounded cold.." "Fine. Yeah. Go play with [---]. No, I'm not mad, it's okay, just go do whatever you want." "You know I've got problems with being lonely.. You know I can't help it.."
One day, "an opportunity to meet" arises. He's going on a small trip and passing through your area, so you two get to hang out in real life! It's exciting, meeting such a good online friend you've had a while. The meeting is so nice. Ren is a lot smaller than you thought he would be, but his hugs are so strong! Once again, he is complimenting your features, and now, your figure. You two hangout at home for a while. You have fun showing him around, introducing him to any pets you may have, any things you hold dear- and he is very respectful. But he wants to see more.
You offer to take him to see some signature, fun areas in town. He's very excited! It's about an hour into the walk that his colors begin to show. He's got you all alone.
He pins you to the wall and takes you as he likes. Rapes you til your knees can no longer hold your weight. Makes you a mess like you've never been before. A friend you trusted, a friend you've had a while. He hurts you in such an evil way, and leaves you with a kiss. Even when you limp yourself home, you can still feel his hands on your body. You can still feel him inside. Can still feel the choke in the back of your throat, and the bruising he undoubtedly left in your tummy.
You are recovering mentally. Quiet, frozen days roll by, just waiting to be okay again. It's not like he didn't know. In fact, it's what got him off. You've never seen such evil out of a seemingly normal person, not personally. Sometimes you have nightmares about it, and wake up aroused. And now, you can't even go to your best online friend for help, because he did it. You feel like you're drowning. You're so lonely. It's too much to process.
You turn your brain off for a while. For the first time in a week or two, you pick up your controller, and turn on your game. Just a casual play is all you want. You come online.
'You've been invited to a lobby!'
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