#sorry for typos...mobile

[vspin]

Actually, I sat down tonight in my designated reading space and read for over an hour.

[androdragynous]

wheelchair, cane + forearm crutches, walker 90% chance if you're hesitant to draw mobility aids you're overthinking it. start somewhere. obviously these are not detailed references.

wheelchairs and walkers should be proportioned like chairs. in most cases canes are held on the opposite side of the painful leg because you want to put weight on the cane instead of the leg (dr house lied to you) but depending on the reason for the cane this can change!

[ image id: a title image that reads "learn how to draw mobility aids very fast" followed by three simplified drawings of different mobility aids broken down into two steps each. the changes made in each step are colored red.

the second image shows a wheelchair, with the steps "1. seat with footrest", showing a simple chair shape, and "2. wheels", which adds two large wheels to the back and two small wheels to the front.

the third image shows both a cane and forearm crutches, with the steps "1. stick", showing a single line of color, and "2. add handle", which shows a hand grip and a forearm rest on two different sticks. and additional label below this step reads "handheld stick height is where the hand rests at the hip" and "forearm stick height is the forearm".

the fourth image shows a walker, with the steps "1. platform with wheels", showing a backless chair shape with a wheel on each leg, and "2. add handlebar", which shows a handle raised above the seat. end id ]

✨ edited to remove italics for screen readers + also pointing out that I missed the handle on the forearm crutches! always use real reference photos when you can, this is just a starting point to help you understand the basics if you're not familiar :3

[queenie-ofthe-void]

The Spicy Six Drink Challenge:

(Based on that viral TikTok challenge where everyone adds a bit of something to the King's Cup, they mix it up and take shots)

Hi, I'm Nancy, and I'm going to add Sprite because I feel like everyone's just going to add liquor.

Hi, I'm Jonathan. I'm going to add orange juice because I heard Eddie say he's going to add half a bottle of Vodka.

Hey everyone, Argyle here. I'm just gonna add a little bit of lemonade because Eddie said he's going to add some Malibu.

Steve here, setting sail on this nasty bullshit of flavor we're making. I'm going to add all of the Coke we have because Eddie told me he's adding, like, a pint of Jack and I don't want to have to carry my boyfriend home.

I'm Eddie. I'm adding a can of Monster because I told each person here that I'm adding different types of alcohol so they'd make the ultimate master mix of flavors, and I'm forcing them to reap what they've sown.

Robin: *adds half of a bottle of gin*

Robin: *takes a shot* I'm gonna kiss Nancy tonight

[kkoct-ik]

milgram analysis: 'john' (orekoto, オレ) did not form to vent mikoto's stress through murder, and he is not the alter that 'did it'

(mainly me musing on how DID functions, as well as analysing the text. enjoy)

will be referring both to wiki and milgram-en's (Neoplasm, interrogation) translations. mainly wiki for gesturing, and milgram-en for textual analysis. thank you so much!

note on names: for the purposes of this post:

09 refers to the person/system, all parts included

mikoto refers to 09 with the exception of orekoto/'john' (ie. all his 'normative' / in denial / confused / playful demeanours). this is the alter who is 'on trial' for the purposes of Milgram, so I will also use this name when talking about voting

'john' refers to the 09 (オレ, ore) who claims in Neoplasm to be the alter who commit murder. I will also make the assumption that he is the same alter as 09 (俺, ore) in John Doe that attacks es, since he expresses familiarity with 俺's actions in John Doe

i'm working with translations and 09 is a complicated character, so please forgive any slip ups!

thank you for reading.

introduction: widely accepted fanon

i frequently see that mikoto's case is controversial on the axis of 'system responsibility'.

on the side of guilty voters, mikoto is guilty because he and john are part of the same system, and unfortunately, that means they share culpability. i often hear rhetoric implying that 09's DID means mikoto was functionally possessed, and that he had no say in the murders, but regardless, him being guilty is just an unfortunate logistical situation. it's just how it is.

this rhetoric also makes it easy to argue for his innocence, and counter with how unfair this expectation is. if DID means he was functionally possessed, couldn't control his actions, and his alter just went out and killed people, regardless of 'john' having any noble intentions, that's tragic and unfair.

aside from being a fucking horrific way to see someone with DID (implying alters' actions are burdens, foreign intrusions that you just have to deal with. no recognition or self compassion whatsoever. die), this discourse also rides on the assumption that between 'normative' mikoto and his alter dubbed 'john', mikoto had nothing to do with his crime. that 'john' formed as a result of overwhelming stress mikoto had bottled up, and, pitying him deeply, 'john' decided to find mikoto an outlet through murder, something mikoto did not consent to.

i don't blame anyone for coming to this conclusion or approaching 09's crime in this way. it is very very deeply what milgram leads you towards, and what 'john' wants you to believe is going on.

through the VDs and MVs, 'john' consistently paints the picture that it was his choice to murder and his alone, that he did it without mikoto's consciousness and anthetically to mikoto's character.

so. what's the problem? he's told us very straightforwardly across the board that what you've just described is what's going on. can we not believe the words of the prisoner themselves?

no. because 09, like all prisoners, has reason to lie to us to secure his survival. and 'john' in particular has every reason to convince us of a reality where he and he alone is the guilty party.

i very very strongly believe that 'john' is manipulating the audience to create the impression he does out of an ego-protective obligation. so i'm writing this post. and i hope i can convince you too.

main body 1: the purpose of alters (no, we are not functionally possessed):

let's start at the beginning. why did 'john' form? why would an alter with his characteristics form at all? this will help us understand why he does things, and what his role is within 09's life.

alters in DID typically form in response to new life roles and traumas, with the key note being that these aforementioned roles or traumas could not be handled by / identified with the alters that already exist. thus, a new dissociated state emerges to isolate that event or carry out that role. memory gaps may occur when the mere existence of that role / event is intolerable, or dissociation is otherwise high.

i have already written a long document on writing DID. check it out if you are unfamiliar with the basics.

we are aware of a few facts about mikoto's life, which can clue us in to what those roles and traumas may have led new alters to form.

first, he works an overwhelming job and never gets a days rest. it's implied he does not take good care of himself because of how all-consuming his job is, and that it takes him to a breaking point.

second, he commit mass murder.

third, he was suddenly brought to milgram, put under 24/7 surveillance, and told he was a killer, despite not remembering doing anything of the sort.

i frequently see people come to the conclusion that 'john' formed as a result of his stressful job, and functions to let mikoto 'blow off steam'. there's a few reasons i don't think this is the case.

an alter who forms as a result of a stressful job is more likely to handle and isolate the source of stress itself. for example, an automatic alter to handle work and nothing else, isolating that stress from the rest of their personality.

i really dont think an alter can form to 'blow off steam'. by definition, 'john' is a dissociative identity, disconnected from mikoto. whatever he does in terms of emotional processing is by design not going to impact mikoto.

in John Doe, 'john's' demeanour appears majorly aligned with fictionalised stereotypes of violent split personalities, appearing sadistic and animalistic. this alter presentation doesn't just 'happen' without reason, and i can't find a reason for 'john' to present himself like this if he truly formed to put himself first and 'blow off steam'.

so why did 'john' form?

main body 2: the purpose of 'john'

it's my opinion he formed as a result of (ie. after) the murders, as a way to contain and identify with those actions, because mikoto could not. i believe 'john' protects mikoto from 09's identity as a murderer and that intolerable experience in general, by allowing him to dissociate from it and forget it.

(note: it's not in my interest to pin the crime on any one alter, and i think it's weird to do so. you will notice i refer to 09's (as a whole) identity as a murderer, rather than blaming any one part, since it's an objective fact that 09, as a person, killed people. i'm opposed to holding any single alter responsible, but i am absolutely certain that if you are to argue that one is, it would not be 'john'.)

i believe that through distinguishing himself from mikoto through his accent, personality presentation, and sense of self, 'john' becomes the archetypal 'monster', which serves to reassure mikoto that 'john' is 'not him', and thus disassociates mikoto from the things 'john' takes ownership of: namely, 09's murderous actions and 09's identity as someone who has killed.

i also believe that following the transition into Milgram, 'john', as a protective alter is forced to develop beyond just psychologically protecting mikoto from the reality that 09 are a murderer. due to the voting system, it becomes important for 09's physical survival and wellbeing that 'john' can convince the audience that he is distinct from mikoto. he takes advantage of the fact that mikoto is the only alter on trial, and begins to spin sympathy for mikoto as a helpless victim, and negotiate on the terms of mikoto's innocence, by reiterating that it was 'john', and only 'john', who did it.

let's break down some 'john' truths:

he has a rough demeanour in contrast to mikoto's soft-spoken, and in John Doe, appears violent and sadistic

he distinguishes himself from and contrasts himself to mikoto by making a point to alternate personal pronouns

he claims to be the alter that commit the murders

he insists that this means mikoto should be found innocent, and that mikoto had nothing to do with it

when he realises that es may not agree with that view, he begins to plead, and then attempts to negotiate with es, being willing to sacrifice his existence as 'john' by promising to 'disappear'

he, well. this:

I'll take it all - bear it all (...) and I'll be rid of it. I (ore) ... was born in order to protect me. I (ore) would do whatever it takes to protect me (boku).

i find these last words 'john' says to es are the most telling, and really give us an insight into his motivations and what he considers his role and responsibility.

note that it's not to help mikoto vent stress. it's to take on the burden of everything that causes 09 distress. that being, for the most part, his guilt. he expresses a desire to isolate that trauma into himself as 'john' and vanish it, and maybe it's the DID in me, but all i'm hearing is the sound of a self-sacrificing protective alter who is desperately trying to keep his normal parts from having their illusion of a normal, trauma-free life shattered.

main body 3: where we can infer 'john' may be misleading us

ok, so i have this crazy theory i've convinced myself of that can strictly speaking be considered in line with the text using some mental gymnastics. but is there anything in the text that directly suggests that 'john' didn't do it?

yeah.

for starters, and perhaps a moot point, but mikoto is the alter on trial within Milgram. not only that, but 'john' is specifically not.

to be honest, this is what first got me theorising along this train of thought. if Milgram really 'doesn't make mistakes', and were presumably aware of 'john's' existence (in the sense that 'john' is considered unique, and not a prisoner), what makes mikoto the identity on trial?

like i said earlier, while i disagree with assigning culpability to individual alters, i do believe that if you were to assign culpability and only persecute and associate one alter for/with 09's crimes, it would not be 'john', because he did not exist as an alter at the time 09 commit those crimes. therefore, i believe Milgram is suggesting that of the alters, mikoto is the guilty party.

moreover, when you dissect 'john's' confession to es, there are certain patterns he displays that imply he is misleading us.

1. he is incredibly vague and emotionally disconnected when describing the event, lol.

his account of the murders appears fragmented and vague, and it's notable that he doesn't elaborate very much, or seem to feel much at all towards the event. contrast this to mikoto, who, when pressed on the topic of murder, starts to panic, scratch at his head, whimper and groan, and dissociate.

'john' either has a composure of steel, and truly does not feel remorse for his murder whatsoever, or, more likely, is that he only has a surface level connection to those memories, because his role only really extends towards identifying those memories and actions as 'his'.

it may be possible that mikoto is the alter with a unique repressed connection to the emotions and distress associated with the events, hence his violent reaction to es' pressing. it's also possible that the murders are blurry and hard to connect with for 09 in general, because trauma and dissociation can do that. but in both cases, i feel that 'john's' account of the murder don't really convince me that it was him that was conscious for the act, much less in a nonchalant and uncaring way, as he seems to put across.

2. he is first and foremost preoccupied with what his confession means for mikoto's guilt and protection

he gives up confessing and spinning his story after he's successfully convinced es that what he has said is the truth. he then immediately checks with the consequences of his actions.

this doesn't read as a confession to me, rather it looks like a blatant strategy. it's not about what 'john' did, it's about what 'john' can tell es to turn the tides in mikoto's favour.

when it becomes clear es may not be willing to see things his way, 'john' immediately loses his nonchalant composure. clearly, distinguishing himself as a uniquely guilty alter isn't working to secure his goals of mikoto's innocence, so he doubles down and makes emotional pleas.

again, note that it's not about 'john'. 'john' is content vilifying himself, and makes no attempt to humanise himself, or give explanation for 'his' actions. instead, he emphasises mikoto's innocence, and tries to evoke sympathy for him.

and in the end, 'john' strikes a deal with es; on the condition of mikoto's innocence, 'john' will 'disappear' himself. he cements his role as an alter that serves to carry 09's guilt so mikoto never has to face who he is and what he's done. the apparent subtext of 'proving one's use' reinforces this reading, i think. 'john' being able to 'disappear' himself and secure mikoto's guilt-free survival, is, honestly, the ideal situation as far as 09 believes.

the logistics of 'john' 'disappearing' himself and the fact that this, practically, would not make 09 guilt-free are a can of worms — this ... might not go how they expect ... — but 09's intentions are clear. 09 wants what 'john' isolates, carries, and represents (his guilt & identity as a killer) to vanish. whether or not he practically can 'vanish' anything (and what the consequences of his 'disappearing' are) remain to be seen (although, based on the voice clips, it seems that without 'john' around to contain 09's identity as a killer ... mikoto is not having a good time, psychologically).

in my opinion, 'john's' confession and the subsequent deterioration of the conversation are absolutely seeping in 'john's' ulterior motives to take all distress and discomfort from mikoto and protect him.

I'll take it all - bear it all (...) and I'll be rid of it. I (ore) ... was born in order to protect me. I (ore) would do whatever it takes to protect me (boku).

therefore, i would not take anything he claims about being autonomous, monstrous, and uniquely guilty at face value. 'john' has a goal, he has a purpose, and he will do anything to attain it.

main body 4: but maybe he's not... intentionally lying

all this said, i don't want the takeaway to be that 'john' is a manipulative liar. i also strongly believe that on a lot of levels, he, and 09 as a whole, believe what he is saying, because he has to.

like i said at the start, alters in DID encapsulate roles and traumas that could not be identified by the alters that already exist. if 'john' exists to isolate 09's identity as a killer, that means that 09 as a whole cannot tolerate the idea that mikoto could do such a thing.

i find 'john's' musing on the 'kind of person' that mikoto is very telling.

09 has a very firm idea of what a kind of gentle, sensitive, victimised person mikoto is, which makes the fact that he broke under the pressure and murdered people an even more intolerable reality. however, it's crucial for 09's health that they continue to believe in their goodness and maintain the illusion of a normal life for their everyday parts.

therefore, it's safest for 09's ego and psychological stability for 'john' to truly believe he is guilty and mikoto innocent. he also, after all, expresses incredibly high distress at the suggestion that mikoto may be punished or considered 'guilty', yet displays no such distress at his own condemnation. this reality where mikoto is innocent is clearly a source of stability for 09 across the board. so i do believe all of 09 believe this is the case, at least emotionally, and collectively work to sustain this reality for their psychological welfare.

i also believe 'john' isn't necessarily lying about believing in his role and personal guilt just because of how much self-hatred he betrays.

the aforementioned utter lack of self-respect (never standing up for himself) and subservience to mikoto's wellbeing (being willing to 'disappear' for mikoto's sake, claiming his all-encompassing purpose is to protect 09) implies a low self esteem. the end of Double as well as just how fucking miserable he sounds at towards end of Neoplasm betrays that he does feel immense guilt for 'his' actions, but only in relation to how the intolerable identity/experience he holds causes harm to mikoto.

'john', ultimately, is a character who represents a lot of self-hatred. he hates what he represents, he hates what he 'brings' to 09's identity, and he hates himself for existing and serving as a constant reminder of their identity as a killer that distresses mikoto and threatens their guilt-free manufactured reality so much.

(timeline translation document)

mikoto also targets 'john' to blame him for 'causing problems', to add layers to the self-hatred. 'john' counters emotionally, evoking his subservience and desire to protect, and defending his existence on the basis that he tried to help.

practically, i believe 'john' does help, by protecting mikoto from the reality that 'he' (09) killed people. but in 09's eyes, 'john's' 'helping' is 09's unexplainable and fragmented violent outburst, and thus 'john' has done a crap job at helping anything. this leads 'john' to not understand his value as an alter and hate himself, being ready to throw himself under the bus for mikoto's sake to 'save him' from the consequences of 09's guilt, and leads mikoto to lash out at 'john'.

i'll just say, from experience, throwing blame between alters that are associated with traumatic experiences is an unfortunate and common experience with DID. i even talk about it in my DID representation doc, as to illustrate why self-compassion and tolerance is vital to healing.

It’s very easy for us DID folk to simply wish that all of it would go away - to wish all of them would go away - because they must be the root of all our problems. They’re too needy, they’re too sad, they’re too angry, they hurt me, and I don’t understand them. I wish they would leave. I just want peace, we think. (...) Regardless of how alien and aggressive we feel, people with DID aren’t possessed, and our hurting and self-harming and destructive parts aren’t demons. They’re traumatised facets of a traumatised person. And no part of a traumatised person deserves to be repressed and vilified and shunned. (...) To me, a hopeful narrative and resolution is anything that can bring the parts together cohesively while loving their differences. (...) Navigating the decades of internal conflict and self-hatred and transforming it into tolerance and love. — Me, The Subjective Comprehensive Guide to [DID] Representation

... great job with the tolerance and love, guys.

conclusion / tl;dr:

i don't think 'john' as an alter appeared one day and decided to kill people to help mikoto cope with work stress.

i think 'john' is a very complicated part of mikoto, that identifies with the act and identity of killing, to keep it from mikoto and protect him. he presents himself as the 'kind of person' that would kill, and who is different to mikoto, because to 09, mikoto is not that 'kind of person'.

i think 09 use DID and the distinctions between alters to protect themselves psychologically, because that's why the disorder exists.

i also think it gives them an advantage in Milgram: by leaning into their DID and maladaptive self-ostracisation, they can attempt to convince the audience that 09's guilt is split between two alters: an innocent and a guilty.

using this, 'john', who hates himself as it is, promises to the audience that he will vanish himself on the condition mikoto is voted innocent, making himself useful one last time and finally 'saving' mikoto in the way he feels he has failed to thus far.

epilogue / reflection

so! i hope i make sense, and i really hope i haven't forgotten to cover anything glaring.

this is an all-encompassing way of reading 09 to me, and if it is canon like i believe, 09 may be a shockingly sensitive and accurate portrayal of DID. but to unearth this interpretation you need to dive into a lot of subtext and dodge a lot of intentional misdirection than leans into stigma and negative stereotypes of DID, so i sort of understand why a lot of people fall short, end up taking things at face value, or otherwise feel unqualified to dissect what's being written and claimed.

i hope my analysis and commentary helps, and please know that i am also always open to yap about these guys or DID representation in general if anyone would like. this is a very strong interest of mine, and i love picking fiction and DID representation apart, as well as demystifying the condition for people!

thank you for getting to the end of this, i know it's an essay and a half.

if you read this all the way through, even ignoring the text in images, this post comes out at over 3.5k words. this is longer than any college essay i've ever written. good grief. but it's over. thank you for sticking with me.

[kuroposting]

Now, obviously, I don’t think Sebastian knows that this is a trigger. Or that he grabbed his hand in a familiar way the first time, either.

I think it’s symbolic. Yana is constantly drawing hands as analogous to relationships. Sebastian is insecure in his ability to understand the complexities of human emotions and, by extension, his ability to care for Ciel in this arc. He has an idea, but he defers to Takana’s authority on the subject (initially); I’ll make another post about that later. Meanwhile, the crisis of conscience Ciel is experiencing is over his growing camaraderie and dependence on Sebastian, in r!Ciel’s place.

Using Sebastian to attain revenge is one thing, but to stop holding a grudge against him for presumably eating r!Ciel’s soul and shamelessly accepting his attachment to Sebastian and the autonomy that he provides Ciel with, is a severe betrayal. A betrayal of r!Ciel, and of Ciel’s own morals.

Sebastian is at least somewhat aware of this. I’m not totally sure- I think Sebastian is under the impression that Ciel did intentionally sacrifice r!Ciel in his place, and that he took on his identity out of jealousy. He wanted to be heir, and he wanted to marry Lizzy. Sebastian may believe that Ciel regrets doing it and resents Sebastian for being the living proof of Ciel’s wickedness. He wants to force Ciel to confront this aspect of himself and do something about it, but I think he’s slowly come to realize that Ciel isn’t actually to blame, and feels conflicted over his own attachment to him.

These last two panels, by Sebastian’s expression and the black backgrounds isolating the two of them, read to me as if Sebastian is slighted by Ciel’s scolding and lack of gratitude for saving him; something Sebastian is good at and took pride in. It reminds me of his interactions with Will. Even so, it’s apparent to me that he otherwise admires Ciel for being so resistant to the temptation of accepting his comforts, but then he sincerely wants to comfort him. By rejecting Sebastian and maintaining all the loyalty to his brother that he can, Ciel maintains this very unique (“pure”?) form of integrity that Sebas both resents and yet also wishes to maintain himself. Allowing Sebastian to touch will get his master dirty, so he changes his gloves and offers himself again. Unbeknownst to Sebastian, part of the guilt Ciel feels is over him fulfilling r!Ciel’s role as his devout protector and guide. This will have to be elaborated on in a part 2. (will add a hyperlink here when I have it written)

On the other hand, Ciel already believes himself to have already betrayed his brother for being able to benefit from his death whatsoever. This makes him beyond redemption and beyond saving. We have reason to believe that between r!Ciel’s acceptance of his role as first born and Ciel’s illness keeping him holed up in the manor while r!Ciel had fencing lessons and went traveling with their parents, r!Ciel was less innocent than his younger brother. Our Ciel believes himself wicked and weak for having shamelessly accepted their roles, as his role allowed him to be so naive and complacent that he never felt the same responsibly to protect anyone; most notably, r!Ciel. For that, there were consequences.

His powerlessness cost r!Ciel his life and at the cost of his life Ciel was granted the pursuit of living; the ability to help people and bring justice to evils are things only granted at the price of facing the horrific realities of a world that has failed others. Of feeling the weight on your soul when you take on the responsibility of other people that you can fail, responsibility for the failures that are inevitable in pursuit of your goals. Chess is a game of sacrifice.

When Sullivan gave them a chemical shower and performed it as a “purification ritual”, something thematically relevant was happening. Their personal feelings of inadequacy surfaced and they’ve been forced to confront them- though Ciel’s was much more immediate and visceral. His pursuit of Sebastian was an acceptance of himself, that he is worth living for despite what he expressed to Finny. That he accepts the responsibility for his own survival in the face of all who have been sacrificed for his continued existence so far.

Here Sebastian almost seems to reveal the truth of the matter to Ciel, that the ritual was not required to summon him and that it most likely wasn’t even the true intentions of the adults who had committed such evil against him. Demons can appear on a whim, and he repeats as much to Sullivan. On Twitter, Yana said that Ciel was about to ask “did you come on a whim?” but dropped it because it ultimately didn’t matter. She said it wasn’t relevant to the arc iirc, but I disagree lol, It’s at least relevant to the philosophy this manga holds as truth. Ciel wondered if he was already prepared to forfeit his soul for his wish or if Sebastian chose to come to him regardless.

You could wonder if that means that Ciel actually is responsible for sacrificing r!Ciel’s soul (however unintentionally), because that meant that Sebastian never would have eaten him if only Ciel cherished his own soul more.

You could wonder if Sebastian made the decision to take r!Ciel’s soul just to crossover and meet Ciel’s calls completely on his own. You could wonder if Ciel wasn’t prepared to forfeit his soul at all, until he was manipulated and pressured into it by Sebastian.

Who is the blame supposed to fall on? What were Sebastian’s motivations?

You could wonder about any of that, and it doesn’t matter, because the outcome is the same to Ciel. It does not change where they are now. What is done cannot be undone.

[assassin-artist]

So now I have to ask, how does Marcy handle the events of the latest episode?

Hrm.... lots to ponder.

Firstly, I think we're still just dealing with evil Invincibles, no evil Mercy's to be found.

You know how it's stated that Mark is good in one universe (our universe in the show) but is almost always evil in every other universe? I think it would be the opposite for Ellie - she's bad in one universe (bad end au), but in every other universe she would have opposed Viltrum/evil Mark. Which means, most likely, that in every other universe... she would have to be dead.

She always stood against her father when he tried to take over earth, she always stood against Mark when he decided to join him. Fighting against her father the first time was enough to nearly kill her, but add Mark into the mix? She's gone.

When the Mark variants talked about missing people from their lives (such as mom and William), I think they'd have mentioned missing Ellie too. Maybe a couple of the variants wouldn't want to fight her because they were glad to see her alive again or something? Like how Masked Mark wanted to take this universe's Debbie back home with him because he missed her? Of course, not all of them, there are a few (cough cough, sinister, mohawk, and viltrum marks) who either don't care about seeing her again or probably killed her in their own worlds and would gladly do it again.

But anyway. All of that to say, I think both the evil Marks and good Ellie would pause at the idea of fighting each other. Mark can fight himself no biggie because that's his face doing those bad things - but Ellie? That's her brother. He may be evil and he may be from an alternate dimension, but that's still her brother. It's his voice taunting her, his face twisted into an expression of pain, his eyes looking up at her in rage, and his blood spilling through his fingers when she kills him.

Donald stated that the copies weren't as strong as main universe Mark, and I stated before that I think Ellie would be stronger than Mark because she spends a lot more time in training than he does. So I think she could still beat one or two of them, and she would. She's a loyal GDA agent, she's out there as soon as Cecil heard about something going down at the penitentiary prison. She's following orders and going where she's told to go.

I think she could kill one or two of the variants (and leave herself with nightmares and guilt that will last a lifetime) before they all regroup back at the family home. It's a tough battle and she needs the help of other heroes for it, but it can be done. She does everything in her power to protect the people around her.

And then Conquest showing up at the end.... woof.

[gynandromorph]

We can see in that comic that Jessie as a kid seems to not be particularly extroverted. She's by herself playing video games totally unaffected by the other kids playing without her. Kids start caring about what their peers think around the age of 4. However, this doesn't necessarily mean they care about their peers approving of them. The stronger urge to conform to peer demands usually happens at about age 12, but can happen even as early as 10. Jessie is around 6 here, in first grade, iirc, so she has not really even HAD peers for that long. They are currently like loosely tied packs of dogs who will cooperate and satellite and have preferences, not yet developing the territorial killer instincts of teenaged wolf packs, formed by fealty and hierarchical strategy.

That's all nuance as a tangent to the question: why does Jessie care about not having friends later when she doesn't seem to want to have them here. She isn't shy or ill-adjusted in this comic. But the skunk boy does bring something relevant up: he suggests that not having friends makes you a loser — it makes you a bad person. He also says it in a way that implies that Jessie USUALLY sits in the corner. She isn't just engrossed in a game from novelty or something, she just moves away from her peers and focuses on fiction in the form of games or books. We actually see Jessie refer to herself as a "loser" in Idletry, and she probably would have internalized this belief eventually, but we also know, from that comic, that no one else tries to bully Jessie again, even if they won't be friends with her. So there aren't many other opportunities in her past for this idea to be pressed on her.

You can actually see her look at her peers directly before she attacks him after he says this. Everyone is watching, and her instincts even at this tender young age are telling her that how she decides to respond right now will affect how they think of her. I honestly genuinely think if no one had been paying any attention when she looked over she would have straight up walked up to the staff failing to supervise and been like "aaahh he's being so mean to me he keeps throwing the ball at my head" and he would have gotten a metaphorical slap on the wrist and that wouldn't have been the end of it then and there the skunk would have kept trying to harass her because he has decided he actively dislikes her and needs to figure out a way to make her the loser after losing a game without redos and all that BUT. The point I'm making here is that I think it's interesting that despite the strong themes of loneliness and resentment in idletry, Jessie doesn't seem to actively try to make friends when she's younger in that comic, and I think that event was formative for her in less obvious ways.

[narcissusneverknewme]

like are Zoro and Sanji a ship? someone please tell me, I can't look into it for fear of spoilers I'm only in alabasta

[tagidearte]

There's something special about Moon being the only side of the DCA who has canonically (gameverse) voiced his counterpart's name ("No more Sun", which yes it's not him directly saying Sun's name since it's a figure of speech, but still) whereas Sun - the chatterbox - only refers to Moon via "he" or "other me". Moon, the quiet one who mostly laughs vs Sun who mostly uses words. Sun, who is scared of Moon, never utters his name whereas Moon clearly has no problem with it. Both of them using "we☀️/us🌙" prior to Eclipse. Moon, whose only opinion of Sun we can infer is "the other me trapped me in light so now I trap him in shadow", vs Sun's whole thing which is profoundly more fleshed out.

I don't know man, the "no more Sun" line always did things to me. I remember playing Ruin for the first time and getting this... jarring emotion when I heard Moon saying that. It's such a small line but good god did I latch onto it.

[menzoberranzanprincess]

HC questions: Does Minthara believe in love, or has she come to see all relationships as transactions and alliances? Has she ever experienced genuine affection? Does Minthara have any personal quirks?

{{I apologize for the delay, i hope this suffices}}

Minthara largely views anything casual as a transaction and that has been most of her relationships regardless of the nature. However, she does believe in things deeper than that and by extension love, though she is deeply guarded about this. You have to prove yourself to her in some arbitrary way to earn her trust and by extension get promoted from "ally" to "friend". Sometimes even she isn't fully aware of what its going to take for someone to enter her heart. On day she just realizes living without the person is drastically worse than living with them and finds she had let them get under her skin. For better or worse they are stuck with her until they burn that bridge or they die.

Minthara views effection very weirdly so the answer is both yes and no? In her mind she has only ever gotten genuine affection from her first and currently only love, the priestess she fell for that she then had to kill, but that was not your typical relationship so what classified as affection ranges from longing glances across a ball room to heated passion in her garden. She believes what she had in the moment with her past love was genuine however she also believes that it was a double edged sword with the other side being a waiting malicious intent that she ended up being the one to deliver. When it comes to the party in bg3 she would view Karlach fighting to protect her as genuine affection but would view it as pity from someone like lae'zel. TLDR: yes but being in a murder society leaves you having weird views of what counts as genuine affection.

She has many! Her biggest one, at least how i play her, is her need to verbalize her thoughts. Its how she shows closeness/ 'friendliness'to people but a lot of the times its kind of rude if not out right demeaning. She is also very visually expressive despite looking perma grumpy most of the time. She is also kind of like a crow and enjoys leaving little trinkets or gifts for people/the party when they do something for her or makes her happy and this includes sliding self-made potions into their bags!

[vole-mon-amour]

I believe I talked about that in the past (mostly on twitter) but: when Sypha gives birth, the kid has two VERY cool dads (one is basically immortal vampire with really cool fighting skills and abilities, the Dracula's son and another literally slayed Death and came out alive) and a VERY badass mom.

Sypha, Alucard, and Trevor all have separate beds in case of needing some privacy, but most of the time they share one huge Alucard's bed.

Alucard actually commissions a painter of all four of them, just like the family portrait he had with his mom and dad when he was a baby. They hang it somewhere in the castle, somewhere significant for them, but if others from the village can see, it doesn't matter. They don't hide that they're in a relationship and that they love one another very much.

Trevor and Sypha stay in a relationship with Alucard until the day they say. That probably happens separately, so when only two of three of them are alive, they're grieving together. They help each other go through that grief (and their kid). For some reason I want Trevor to be the alive one (probably because I want to see them care for each other), but my logic tells me that it's going to be Sypha cause she's way smarter for her own good lol.

Though, don't fret, they work perfectly as a polycycle! That's the logic of it. When two of them can't do something, the third one is happy to help and does it flawlessly (or at least to the point that it works, cause sometimes all three of them are acting like dumbasses, heh.)

In short, it's a very balanced relationship where they love and respect one another.

(On, and don't get me started on sex between the three. Pregnant Sypha that still wants sex and they have so much fun together.)

[sdmsims]

on burnout, apathy, and the sims 4

this one has sort of been a long time coming, i just haven’t really had the time to translate thoughts into words. but i wanted to ramble a little regarding my feelings towards TS4 and its projected future, and how i feel about it as a modder

the news of TS4 officially being determined a live service game was jarring for a lot of people, especially modders from what i’d seen. and it’s completely understandable - the idea of constantly keeping up with a broken game’s updates that break your creations for the rest of the forseeable future is… not great.

it’s amazing how accessible modding 4 is, but as someone who was already teetering on burnout from the game and who struggles enough with updates due to a variety of factors, it was sort of the tipping point. it’s not sustainable for the community to expect modders to keep updating alongside the game forever.

it’s part of the reason i’ve been finding a lot of joy in modding TS3 - it’s a ‘dead game’. the progress i make won’t be nullified by the potential whims of needless content updates instead of bugfixes… i can take as much time as i need to, and when i come back, the canvas will remain unchanged.

the main problem with 3 is that the ‘skill bar’ feels higher, and many resources are outdated or inaccessible due to link rot… but i feel that i don’t HAVE to make my own super elaborate gameplay mod to make the game enjoyable, because TS3’s gameplay fullness suits my preferences much better than 4

it was a real eye opener going back to 3 - while i adore the community and support yall in the land of TS4 have given, for my sake im likely going to be focusing on 3 for a bit longer

(this isn’t to say 3 is the definitive/perfect sims game — it’s not. especially if you play sims mainly for dressup/building, 3 isn’t worth your time. but for ME who enjoys focusing on the world and gameplay, it’s been more enjoyable)

[holysh1ft]

hi! i was wondering if you could help me with something i’ve been facing with lucid dreaming.

so, everytime i realise im dreaming and become lucid, im never able to actually control the dream? like today, when i was dreaming, i did a reality check and became lucid. but for some reason i couldn’t control it. i couldn’t conjure stuff up, or change the scenery or fly or anything.

my goal with lucid dreaming is to enter the void state, and one of the ways to do it is by closing your eyes. when i was dreaming, i closed my eyes and.. nothing happened. i opened them back and was in my dream.

it’s getting pretty frustrating cause this is the only thing hindering me from tapping into the void state. it’s like, even when i realise im dreaming, im just a spectator. it’s like im watching in third person and not actually controlling it.

the reason i’m asking you for help is cause your lucidity subliminal helped me a lot actually lol. it’s made my dreams more vivid, improved my dream recall and i’ve been becoming more lucid in dreams because of it so tysm 💕 i hope you can help me with issue!

hey! so technically i don’t answer void state asks, but i was able to pinpoint what was going on here p quick, so i’ll indulge this one time.

”this is the only thing hindering me from tapping into the void state.” i’m gonna stop you right there and say it’s not. you’re the only thing hindering you, and i don’t say that to blame you or to be an asshole. rn, you’ve got these strings holding you up and puppetting you around when if you snip those strings, you’ll get your freedom back.

string one: “i have to lucid dream to tap into the void state.” you’ve placed the condition that you must lucid dream and use this approach to tap into the void state, which is one of infinite ways to become aware of all that you are. but it’s not the only way. this isn’t infinity war, baybe. you are infinity.

the void is just you—the top level of creation. it’s nothing outside of you, and no where to go, so to say you have to jump up and down, pat your head, and blink five times is just one of infinite conditions you can place on your fulfillment. but it’s not necessary. i use this example because the narrative of “i must become lucid/control my dream” is really that arbitrary, and you’ve gotta take your power back. see this challenge for what it is—an opportunity to become more aware of the limitless being you are.

the lucidity/ability to control dreams doesn’t “make” anything happen: you do. remember, “you would have no authority over me if it was not first given from above.” you’ve given your power to this narrative, so i recommend you inquire within: does it serve you? if not, choose another one.

string two: “the void state is unattainable to me.” i think this is the root assumption of string one because you’re implying that you have to use a particular song and dance to get what you want when what you want is already yours/already you.

there is nothing outside of you. there is nothing but you. so, you are the void. you are god, and there is no other. you’re reality, and there is no other. you’re the only cause and the only thing “happening” here. when you see that it’s all just one thing here, and that thing is you, you’ll stop seeing this an something unattainable and simply an extension of self.

there might be some paradoxical intent to be mindful of as well, where the more you try for something, the more you push it away. like how when you try to fall asleep, you stay awake, but the second you stop thinking about it, next thing you know, bam. you wake up and three hours have gone by.

stop “trying” to attain something that’s already yours/you because it’s counterproductive. trying implies separation. focus on placing your awareness on the self who finds this all easy and attainable.

it’s ok if they feel unfamiliar at first—continue to put your awareness on them and choose that self every time you find yourself thinking about the void. reposition how you relate to it from this hurdle you have to jump or problem have to solve to something that is easy and accessible to you because it is, and by choosing that self, you are one and the same, and you will experience yourself/reality as them because they are you and you are reality.

basically, take a look at these strings (i.e., assumptions) and choose different ones that serve your end goal.

[frownyalfred]

Everybody is always hating on Batman v Superman, and although I've only seen tiny snippet of it, it looks pretty good (idk, maybe I am just a big fan of DC and am blind)

So why do ppl hate on it sm? Do you know or have an idea?

I mean, there are some glaring issues in the original version that are somewhat resolved by the ultimate version, which is quite long.

Some genuine issues I can think of off the top of my head are:

Pacing. So much happens so quickly while other parts drag. It feels like a script that was either not edited or edited down too quickly.

Lex’s plans require a lot of after the fact dot connecting for certain so called “plot holes” to make sense. They’re not overtly shown on screen and several connections are disrupted by the original cut and only resolved in the ultimate.

Bruce was dark in a somewhat believable way depending on the iteration of Batman you’re pulling from the source material. But he’s at the end of his career and it wasn’t the launch of Affleck’s batman as a lot of people expected/wanted. His arc is 60% done by this point.

References to what I call “dead ends.” Snyder sneaks in references and scenes about Robin’s death, the Joker, and the future of an evil superman. These don’t further the plot at all. They confused audiences who weren’t familiar with the source material. These scenes never end up happening in the DCEU or are ever really mentioned again.

Valuable screen time is used to set up the Justice League movie. This was perhaps not done as convincingly as it could’ve been.

BVS Superman is a continuation of MOS Clark. People didn’t like MOS Clark very much. They, of course, didn’t realize this until BVS.

Some scenes really were too dark to see much and not on purpose. Sorry Snyder — I like it for Bruce’s Batman scenes, but it’s so hard to watch with any lights on.

There’s a LOT of debate over whether the fight scene between Batman and Superman could have even happened. To which I say, of course Clark didn’t just randomly kill him right away? He cares about people? That’s Bruce’s true plot armor — Clark’s humanity. But yeah, of course it was never a feasible match up.

Bruce uses near-lethal or arguably lethal force frequently in the movie. Did we see anyone die? No. But could they have? Absolutely. He doesn’t seem very torn up about this, or the the fact that the brand he gives results in murder. Is this a corruption of batman as a character? Does it gel with certain characterizations and not others? Hotly debated.

I reiterate that I enjoy the movie (esp the ultimate cut) even if it has less likable parts. I watched it three times in theaters. And now I write for this fandom! So, I appreciate BVS 💜

[hobbithoes]

sooo somebody wanted me 2 infodump about my sole survivor so here goes 🤓

she was def one of those dazed out on prozac housewives making weird ass 50’s recipes like the fuckin. jello ham with peas and stuff like that lol.

like straight up one bad day away from being lobotomized pre war. In my mind palace this playthrough fallout 4 pre-war was more like the real 50s, at least in the way of like mental health treatment and… husband’s behavior and such.

so yeah u probably guessed it but hubby was abusive, I actually usually headcanon this anyway bc I feel bad starting a romance if not I’m like damn girl 😳 kinda soon. lol. So when he is shot instead of angst it’s like yayyy <3

REALLLY bummed about the baby tho 💔 for real

She always likes to wear cute tights and shoes and stuff but she get sooo pissed when obviously they get muddy and ruined in the wasteland and she gets her feet/legs scraped up every two seconds and tights ripped 🙄 like come on girl what did u expect

she used to just spend all her days cooing over Shaun and tbh codsworth, codsworth was, has always been, always WILL BE her bestie!!

she was suchhh a lonely unhappy housewife and codsworth was always so sweet and positive to her, codsworth and the baby are all she gave a FUCK about for real‼️

I know female sole survivor is supposed to be a lawyer but since I’m doing more real 50’s she’s just gonna be a housewife going stir crazy.

Post-war in the wasteland she’s a messss, she misses her baby sooo much she’s just worried sick, and she really has a tough time learning how to shoot guns and fight (this is easy to rp bc I fucking suck at fighting in games even on easy mode .lol)

Even before the war she was not super mentally well so AFTER when she’s literally in combat everyday and getting injured and seeing brutal shit. Whewww she can’t rlly cope and she develops a bitttt of a chem habit 😳😳

cuddles dogmeat every night 🐕 he senses she needs some cuddles for real…

tries NOT to draw on her brows when she’s high on something bc she won’t realize they look insane and she has been laughed at before after walking out like that and it really hurt her feels🚶‍♂️ so u can usually tell she’s on a bender if she has no eyebrows for a long time consecutively lol. she usually does them first thing when she wakes up though.

So I’m thinking Hancock romance bc they can be party animal crash outs together 🤞 BUT I’m debating Danse bc I used to hate him but now I think he’s super cute I had a whole revelation the other day 🤯 so I could make that work I’m gonna see what I’m feeling in time …

Def accidentally leads piper on .. Marjorie is very touchy feely once she’s close to u and she feels a lot more comfortable around women and warms up a lot faster so she’s immediately like hanging off her shoulder and giggling at her while tapping her shoulder and leaning in … she doesn’t know what she’s doing to people LOL #tease

She is bi though I just don’t like piper as much as a romance option and don’t like the other female options enough to consider them to romance either 😔 I rlly like them as friends …. just not feeling them for wifeys

She’s pretty short

Post-war she really likes to plant crops and flowers , it makes her feel accomplished when it grows and even if she’s being lazy with everything else she’s like welll shittt my tatos sure looking nice though!! 😁

Her home post-war is Red Rocket truck stop, it’s right outside Sanctuary so she can always be by her peeps but still has privacy which she really wanted. But not be tooo alienated if she wants to go talk to people or see some nice sights of relaxation and peace ✌️ in the scary wasteland 😱

She has it decorated SOO cute and tbh cluttered even when it’s clean, she hoards everything that she finds kinda pretty even if it’s broken and keeps it on display , it’s a cute hoard though lol not that bad more of a collection ? But it’s… a lot lol just very busy area ….

Most of the time it’s like those nasty TikTok bedrotting bedrooms though. She’s just doing chems and drinking and leaving her food out not giving a fuckkkk. Playing games on her pip boy and reading comics for long stretches.

Then when she leaves half the time a friend (probably Preston or Curie let’s be real) will tidy it all up sooo nice and clean and wash all her bedding and clothes and she’ll cry everytime 😢 but it’s only a matter of time before it gets to that point again ….

also pinterest board plug to conclude my rambling 😈

[ts-sides-head-canon]

Henlo. I have some things to share.

How the sides wake up and get ready for the day.

Featuring the sides pets.

Roman: Roman's woken up by a few little rawrs from next to him as his little lion cub is ready to get up for the day. He's actually the first side to wake up, but not the first one up and about because his morning routine takes upwards of two hours, or at least it would if the woodland creatures from the imagination didn't come in to help him put his outfit together and apply his half a million beauty products. The woodland creatures also help Nemia, the lion cub, pick her outfits.

Patton: Patton is woken up via a tidal wave up puppy kisses from Sugar, his dog, who before was just snuggled on top of him. He says a proper good morning to all his stuffed toys while he gets ready, and then he's off to prepare breakfast.

Logan: Logan's woken up via alarm clock and is always punctual with his morning routine, though it has become a little easier since he got his crow, Zodiac. Zodiac has also memorised Logan's morning routine and hands him the things he needs, like his toothbrush and his tie. Zodiac has also begun guarding Logan's glasses so he can politely hand them over once he hears the alarm go off. After Logan's all ready, he actually takes a little bit to play some chess with his crow before setting off for breakfast.

Virgil: Virgil's not woken up because he doesn't sleep. His cat Willow does, however, knock the headphones off his ears when she hears the others starting to move around in order to tell him to get his ass moving. She also graciously knocks Virgil's things off the shelf to get him moving faster. No other pets side eye and troll their owner so much.

Janus: Janus sleeps with Basket, his ball Python, snuggled into a ball in his hand. When it's time to get up, Basket simply slithers out of his owners palm and wraps himself around his waist, squeezing like he's trying to be a god danm corset until Janus wakes up. How does Janus' skincare routine take twice as long as Roman's when he has half as much face to do it on? Well, his scales do need some care as well. There's his skincare routine and his scalecare routine. It's not always as easy as just shedding.

Remus: Remus doesn't really sleep much either, but when he does crash, he's normally awoken with a chomp on the nose from a hyper Tazmainian Devil that should've lost this energy by now. He just plays with his little Su-Su for a while before getting dressed and going out to cause some mischief.

Enjoy! See you next info dump!

These are so cute!