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#source: cheaper by the dozen
incorrectquotesmcu · 2 years
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Clint: [about the Avengers] They were just welcoming you into the family.
Scott: They set me on fire.
Clint: Just your pants.
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waterfire1848 · 1 year
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Bernard: No offense, but your family kinda freaks me out.
Tim: Come on. They were welcoming you into the family.
Bernard: They set me on fire!
Tim: Just your pants.
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ktkat99 · 1 year
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Do you think interviews of the Wayne family are somewhat professional? Or are they more like Cheaper By The Dozen?
Interviewer- Your kids are playing hockey in the house.
Bruce, not even remotely phased- Yeah, that's okay. They know that if the game gets bigger than four on four they have to take it outside.
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Bugs: Yeah, without you Little Blabbermouse, we wouldn't be the Secret Six anymore. We'd be,
[looks real serious]
Bugs: five
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incorrectmulti · 1 year
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Henrik Lundqvist: (arriving back at the Lake) Still smells the same. Old gross stuff, dead animals, and murky lake water.
Marc Staal: It’s called fresh air.
@lesbianmarcstaal
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petermorwood · 11 hours
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The Value of Shopping Around for Spices...
We needed to refill some basic spices, caraway wasn't available from our usual on-line (Asian) source, so I opened my Bookmarks, shopped around - and what I discovered was startling.
I don't know how well this "shop around" advice applies to anywhere else, but it certainly made a difference here in Ireland.
For reference, each spice is a 500g (17.6 oz) pack, or smaller packs to 500g total.
Caraway          €4.77 Coriander        €4.41 Flaked Chilli   €6.46 Black Pepper  €6.92
Total including €6.00 shipping = €28.56
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Those came from Nuts In Bulk (who do a lot more than just nuts).
Here are a couple (there were about half a dozen) of alternatives.
Caraway          €7.50 Coriander        €6.00 Flaked Chilli   €10.00 Black Pepper €9.48
Total including €6.00 shipping = €38.98
Caraway          €11.70 Coriander        €8.50 Flaked Chilli   €19.50 Black Pepper €14.75
Total including €7.95 shipping = €62.40 (!)
Side-note 1: I checked the small print to ensure pricier spices weren't superior to cheaper ones, for instance being named chillis ("Birds-eye" / "Kashmir" etc.) or named black peppers ("Sarawak" / "Madagascar" etc.) rather than basic generics.
They weren't.
Side-note 2: while the most expensive place is not IMO somewhere to buy basic spices, it has always stocked interesting exotic and unusual things we've never seen anywhere else, so there's that.
But all things considered, I don't feel in the least bit stingy or penny-pinching when I think my search-and-comparison was twenty minutes Very Well Spent...
:->
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whentherewerebicycles · 3 months
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Hello—this is unasked for advice but I just started shopping at Winco for groceries and it is SO much cheaper than Safeway (which I used to shop at religiously bc it’s cheap in comparison to Kroger, town & country, etc). I actually calculated how much money I saved in the first grocery run at Winco and it was $77 cheaper than if I had gotten the exact same stuff at Safeway. You can only pay with cash or debit, no credit cards (though you can load a Winco gift card with your credit card and use that to get groceries and get points that way), but it is soooooo worth it! Just thought I’d mention it. :)
this is such good advice marnz thank you!! I’ve gone to winco a few times and am always 😍 at the prices but I really rely on my credit card points for flights and have always been like ughh I’d have to give up a big source of points if I switch. which is silly since I could probably afford like a dozen flights with all the money I save lol but yknow. but I love the idea of buying a gift card with that month’s grocery budget on it and using that!
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livelaughlapush · 11 months
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This Might Be a Bit Biased...
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So The Twilight Saga started When I was 9 and ended when I was 13. I only became aware of it when New Moon was coming out and Burger King was promoting the hell out of that film, and I saw Jacob on the poster of their windows when I realized...this...was...SharkBoy. I couldn't believe how much he had grown in just a few years; I couldn't believe he was in this massive film. That being said, it is not a secret Twilight had as many haters as it did fans. You had the fans, who would stalk the cast because they loved the Saga, and then you had the haters attacking them for their disgust, coming for the actors, their capabilities, their looks, etc. It is safe to say both sides were doing too much. But not just the fans the critics were especially harsh.
But after Twilight ended and slowly but surely lost its relevance, people started to see that many of the actors involved in Twilight were not bad; they were just working with a "mediocre" script that stemmed from the "mediocre" source material. Everyone except for a few, one of those being Taylor Lautner. Now, to be honest, I was actually aware of Taylor's career long before Twilight, "SharkBoy and LavaGirl," and "Cheaper by the Dozen 2," although they are not great films, they had unique places in my heart when I was a kid; I am speaking on this because I do not think Taylor is a Bad actor, or at the very least not as bad as people make him out to be.
Watching Twilight, I did have some critiques; Taylor is neither intimidating nor the best compared to Rob and Kristen, and don't get me started on that rain scene in New Moon. However, re-watching the Twilight Saga repeatedly, I see the range in Lautner's performance and know he can do more. In past interviews, he stated that he always felt that acting was something he should do. If that were true, then the criticism he got from Twilight should've been taken seriously, and he should've listened to it; maybe he got an acting coach and taken some acting classes.
It is heartbreaking that compared to Rob and Kristen, which people will probably always do, his career isn't even on the same scale anymore. He took a break from the public for a few years, but I hope he did try to focus on his craft in time. He is now married and starting a podcast with his wife, which is pretty cool.
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mawofthemagnetar · 2 years
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*slams money on the stand* 💵💵💵
TELL ME ABOUT ISKALLS PLUTONIUM PACEMAKER
oh and lemonade too
I carefully fill a red solo cup with lemonade and slide it across the table. I take the American bills and put them in my cash box alongside a giant Rai from the island of Yap, three Turkish Lira, and two Sestertii.
Back in the 1970's, various medical technology companies were experimenting with ways to make pacemakers longer lasting. Batteries, you see, need to be replaced, and when the device in question is implanted into the human body, the resulting "replacement" means surgery. This is generally a bad thing, because every time someone has to be sedated it introduces risks to their health and wellbeing, alongside surgery just being somewhat risky in general.
So, a longer lasting battery was very attractive to both doctors and patients alike. Enter stage right: Plutonium.
A plutonium-powered pacemaker uses the radioactive decay to generate heat, which is captured in a thermocouple and used to generate the electricity that stimulates the heart. The reason it's so interesting is that there are plutonium pacemakers implanted in the 70's that are still working. (Theoretically, all my sources are from like, 2007 and such, so that may have changed in the intervening decade.) Plutonium batteries don't need replacing because it takes decades for them to decay away. Eighty years on, by some estimates, that little device would still have enough jam to keep your ticker ticking.
There are some drawbacks. Yes, you will receive additional radiation, although no more than a dental x-ray. Yes, it's plutonium, so being incinerated in a crematory furnace or getting shot with a bullet were real, serious concerns for the manufacturers of the devices, since if the case was breached the resultant mess would be a radiological hazard. Oh, and it was FFFFFFFUCKING expensive, but who cares about that, not me.
Oh, and additionally: In the intervening time, medical technology has advanced and progressed. In the real-world, staying on standard battery tech over that entire time meant you could get upgraded to better and better sorts of pacemakers- apparently the preferred location on the heart for the wire has changed since the 70's, and modern pacemakers allow for more variable stimulation to make things a bit more natural, instead of the steady constant jolt those old plutonium pacemakers supplied. So really, the reason we don't still use them is because technology IRL marched on, and lithium became "Good enough" to do the job. It's safer, cheaper, and the risks are acceptable to doctors and patients alike.
I pause to take a drink of my own lemonade from my own cup.
To drag this spiel back around to block men, I think Iskall requires a pacemaker for whatever life-altering event took their arm and their eye. That eye is a prosthetic, fight me. Since one day in minecraft land is 20 real-life minutes, then that does imply that Mx. Skall has been alive for centuries in-universe.
And if your life expectancy is measured in the quadruple digits, suddenly a battery replacement once a decade (as you would have to do with a modern lithium battery) stops being an acceptable risk (as it is in the real world- there's a good reason we don't use plutonium pacemakers anymore!) and veers off into a VERY unacceptable risk. It's just so much more frequent for you- instead of being something that might happen four or five times in the remainder of your lifespan, it's happening dozens of times. Dozens and dozens of surgeries to replace batteries- that's going to add up, and something WILL go wrong at some point.
So, plutonium.
What do you get for the semi-guy who is mostly immortal?
A battery that'll last just as long as them.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Here's a picture of a plutonium pacemaker.
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You want some more lemonade?
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tokiro07 · 1 year
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Since I noticed you at least know about homestuck could I ask you for your thoughts on possible Negations for characters on it? You can choose however many you want, like, just the ones you are interested in or are easy to think about. Or not at all if you are don't wanna.
(Also, HI! Hope you are doing nicely)
Hi, I'm fine! Thanks for asking
So...Homestuck is kind of a difficult one for this on the basis that the power system is element and class-based, meaning that there's a lot of room for overlap
This makes it difficult to differentiate between, say, two Heroes of Time, because both of them are in some way manipulating time. I could theoretically uses the Classes as a guide since they define how Aspects are used, but the specifics were never adequately defined for most Classpects
Thieves, Rogues, Princes and Bards are fairly simple on the basis that these Classes all either steal or destroy their Aspect, which basically make them Negators already in a sense, but the ideas of "stealing an Aspect" and "stealing by using an Aspect" are difficult to make meaningfully different outside of their original context
Outside of those Classes though, most of them are about somehow manipulating or creating their Aspects, which by definition doesn't really line up with the concept of Negators
Still, I'll give it a shot. I'll do the kids and the original Trolls, at least
John, Uncalm - negates the calm of the weather to create gusts of wind
Rose, Unpredictable - negates future events by predicting them, ensuring they will play out differently; Artifact Sunken City allows her to draw on Eldritch powers
Dave, Untimely - negates the current temporal state of an object, reverting it to an older state or forcing it into a future state; Artifact Cheaper by the Dozen allows him to summon clones of himself
Jade, Unspacious - negates the space an object occupies by reducing its size; Artifact Teen Wolf turns her into a werewolf
Jane, Undead - negates her own death (likely doesn't have the imagination to weaponize her body though)
Jake, Unbelievable- negates the belief that something cannot be achieved; normally applies to marksmanship, but Jake's reinterpretation of the rule allows him to manifest other unbelievable actions as well
Roxy, Unimagine - negates the non-existence of objects, allowing her to create objects from nothing
Dirk, Ununified- negates Dirk's sense of self by splitting his consciousness between multiple sources; in his case, Dirk places pieces of his mind into machines such as robots or AI programs, but all are in a sense the true self
Aradia, Unmove - negates a target's ability to move, as if freezing them in time
Tavros, Unwilling - negates a target's willpower and bringing them under his control; due to his interpretation of the Rule, Tavros can only control animals, not sentient life
Sollux, Unhand - negates Sollux's need to touch objects to interact with them, effectively making him telekinetic
Karkat, Unopposed - negates objections to proposed ideas, fostering camaraderie
Nepeta, Unidentified - negates others' ability to recognize Nepeta's true identity, allowing her to pose as others
Kanaya, Unsatisfied - negates Kanaya's ability to sate her hunger; because of her love of vampires, she conflated this feeling with the idea of vampirism, limiting her cravings to blood and allowing her to drain a target of blood through a bite
Terezi, Undecided - negates the consequences of a decision, returning to the point where the decision was made within a reasonable amount of time
Vriska, Unluck - negates a targets luck through contact
Equius, Unseen - negates his own ability to be seen; reinterpretation of this Rule has allowed Equius to be unable to be found through any senses or technologies
Gamzee, Uncontrollable - negates his own sense of self-control, sending him into a berserker rage
Eridan, Unremarkable - negates events that go outside of Eridan's own beliefs, reducing them to being mundane
Feferi, Unfade - negates her own ability to age
That was...slightly easier than anticipated, but a good handful of them were pretty tough and I'm not completely satisfied with all of them, but they work fine I think. Granted, like I said, a lot of the powers in Homestuck aren't fully explored, so there's a good chance these aren't actually accurate reflections of canon
I'm particularly proud of Undecided and Unremarkable, though, they have a lot of potential for versatility
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ao3feed-stony · 1 year
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Cheaper by the Dozen Marvel edition
by Fandomgarbage
No power AU: Tony and Steve stark rogers have been married for over sixteen years and love each other more than anything the challenge they face now is their children aren't kids any more, raising teenagers is proving to be difficult especially when you consider there's six of them!
Words: 4570, Chapters: 4/4, Language: English
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Peter Parker, Miles Morales, Quinton, Nebula (Marvel), Gwen Stacy, Harley Keener, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Happy Hogan, Pepper Potts, James "Bucky" Barnes
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Additional Tags: Family Fluff, Team as Family, Gay Male Character, lots of kids, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Domestic Avengers, Superfamily | Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Parenting Peter Parker
source https://archiveofourown.org/works/45656578
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usafphantom2 · 1 year
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Head of Bombardier complains of the Canadian government for the choice of P-8 Poseidon aircraft
Bombardier CEO expresses concern about the granting of Canada's defense contract to Boeing.
Fernando Valduga By Fernando Valduga 12/23/2022 - 15:00 in Military
P-8A Poseidon aircraft in RCAF colors.
P-8A Poseidon aircraft in RCAF colors.
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The Canadian government probably chose Boeing jets for reconnaissance and surveillance. This bothered the national manufacturer Bombardier, which offers the Global 6500.
Bombardier chief executive Eric Martel expressed concern about Canada's potential plan to buy reconnaissance jets directly from Boeing instead of exploiting its domestic aerospace industry through a bidding process.
“As president and CEO of Bombardier, I want to publicly share my concern that Canada, which is facing an important choice over air surveillance from its vast borders, is considering granting an exclusive source contract directly to Boeing.”
Martel's comments come after a recent media report that Canada was considering a multi-billion-dollar purchase of up to a dozen Boeing P-8 Poseidon aircraft.
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Martel pressed through Bombardier's jets, saying that the Canadian aircraft manufacturer's Global 6500 "will be the right size solution and will meet Canada's needs".
The Bombardier Global 6500 has clear advantages over the competing product. It has greater range, resistance and proven reliability. Their state-of-the-art engines and "leading aerodynamic profile" would make them cheaper to operate than the P-8 and contribute to a smaller carbon footprint.
Martel therefore requires Canada to “start a bid for a Canadian multifunctional aircraft”, for which several proposals can be submitted. "An option built in Canada should and should be considered on an equal footing with offers from foreign companies that have historically attacked our most modern domestic aircraft programs."
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First Global 6000 aircraft for Germany's SIGINT missions.
Germany chose Bombardier's model in the program called Pegasus. The abbreviation means Persistent German Airborne Surveillance Systems. With three specially equipped executive jets, the Bundeswehr intends to monitor telecommunications and electronic air signals in the future.
The German army chose the Bombardier Global 6000 for this reconnaissance and surveillance mission. They are being rebuilt under the leadership of Lufthansa Technik and will be delivered between 2026 and 2028. This is a good example of the model's surveillance capabilities, says Eric Martel. Sweden, the United States and the United Kingdom also opted for Canadian jets, according to the head of Bombardier.
Tags: Military AviationboeingBombardierGlobal 6000P-8A PoseidonRCAF - Royal Canadian Air Force/Canada Air Force
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Fernando Valduga
Fernando Valduga
Aviation photographer and pilot since 1992, he has participated in several events and air operations, such as Cruzex, AirVenture, Dayton Airshow and FIDAE. He has works published in specialized aviation magazines in Brazil and abroad. Uses Canon equipment during his photographic work in the world of aviation.
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marshmallowloves · 2 years
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Zelda OC #6 - Sepria (the final one... for now)
>> (list of posts for other OCs)
It is no secret that I love BOTW. If you asked me my top 3 favorite Zelda titles, BOTW would be number 1 no matter what. The designs, the concept of the story, the wide-open world - I can't think of many things I don't like about this game! So naturally I've replayed it a dozen times, and just about lost my shit when Age of Calamity first dropped (but my later salty feelings about that game have already been explained in a post on my other blog so shhh don't worry about it kdjfg).
Of course I had my fun playing as the main protagonists in AoC, but the other characters were a pleasant surprise too - like Master Kohga! Thing is, when playing BOTW proper, I didn't think much of him. I mean, he was a fun boss, and the idea of a group of vicious thieves and assassins being led by an absolutely rotund fool was a great one. But since you only meet him once and never see him again, I ended up brushing him off pretty quickly.
But in my opinion, BOTW Master Kohga walked so that AoC Master Kohga could run. Yeah, AoC is non-canon, but the Warriors game presented an opportunity to explore more of the characters that could benefit from it, and boy howdy did they leap on that opportunity with Kohga. The interactions, deeper characterization with the cutscenes, the fact that he was now fully-voiced in said cutscenes-- oh... oh no. it's happening again.
Like with Yuga and Ghirahim before him, the denial was harsh. I was reluctant to slap him onto even the "crush" section of my faves list because I was convinced of how not my type he was. Loud, brash, dumb in all the right places, and what TV Tropes lovingly describes as an Acrofatic. Small, quiet and soft-hearted little Marshy was, quite frankly, intimidated.
So what was her solution? Create a separate character to distance herself as far from this weird attraction as possible. Hmm... sounds kind of familiar... but regardless of the similarities, it wasn't long before Sepria was brought to life.
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Unlike my other OCs and self inserts so far, I barely have any art of Sepria. The place you'll see her the most in different situations is in the short fic I wrote for her and Master Kohga, which you can find here - but this came later.
I knew I wanted her to be in the Yiga Clan at some point, but wanted to differentiate her from other members. I decided to pull inspiration from the designs of both the footsoldiers and the blademasters, and then fitted her with a half-mask inspired by the headpiece from the Sheikah armor set. The idea was for her to naturally look closed-off, even without covering her face and head like the other Yiga - thus I had her hair cover one eye, and made it long enough to be wrapped across her shoulders like a scarf.
I mulled over how to incorporate a new OC into the Yiga Clan, because I couldn't fathom Master Kohga investing his precious time and bonding with just any ol' person. Around this time IRL, I was in a decent slump about my job situation, and somewhere during the thought process I decided to combine coming to terms with my attraction to Kohga and healthily venting my financial frustrations through art. So the story that I crafted, which was amusingly done before I even gave her a proper name, was as follows:
(TW for depictions of suicidal ideation - if you don't want to see that, you can skip this and start reading again at the five asterisks *****)
Sepria is a young Hylian woman who has hit rock bottom. She lost her job - her only source of income that was mediocre at best - due to circumstances outside her control, and she's spent ages searching for others. Because of the absurdly high standards set by the area she resides in when it came to working, she's constantly rejected on the thinly-veiled basis that she isn't willing to sacrifice what little health she has to spare for a paltry sum of rupees that would barely keep her fed. She can't even afford to move to a cheaper place with what money she has, and slowly she becomes convinced that she just doesn't have the ability to live as a normal person does, in terms of finances, skills, or constitution. Her best efforts are simply not good enough for anyone - not even herself.
She isn't brave enough to harm herself directly, so she intends to get herself into enough danger that someone or something does the job for her. She decides, however, that if she's going to die, she might as well give one last effort towards something that could give her even the smallest sense of accomplishment - just so she can at least say that she tried.
Having heard whispers about the Yiga Clan from her old colleagues and passersby, she scrounges up the last of her funds and puts it towards traveling all the way to Karusa Valley, where the Yiga were rumored to have made their base. When she is in fact confronted by a pair of footsoldiers near her destination, she isn't sure whether to feel surprised or relieved, but she submits entirely, telling them that she was hoping they'd catch her.
The two footsoldiers find this odd, and so they bind her and drag her to Master Kohga for his opinion. Sepria tells him that she finds the Hyrulean royal family at fault for her troubles, feeling that they only raise those born into wealth on pedestals and disregard those who struggle to even survive. She says that the reason she came here is because she didn't want to be subject to their quiet cruelty anymore. She isn't lying when she says this, but Master Kogha misinterprets this as a desire to get back at the royal family, which would mean she and the Yiga share a common enemy. So, he makes the executive decision to recruit her into their clan. Nobody expects this - especially not Sepria, who was moreso expecting to be beheaded in the middle of the road not 30 minutes earlier. She's still set on her original goal, so she intends to use the free food, housing and traveling opportunities to find a place to end it all, but doesn't breathe a word of it to anyone.
*****
This is the point where the fic I wrote begins. By the end of it, Kohga and Sepria are much closer - in this little doodle, I even thought of a point where Sepria finally fixes her self-inflicted lack of depth perception, moving her hair away from her eye to physically show that she's "opened up" to him.
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(and yes, I am sort of omitting the rest of her story so that, if you're so inclined, you can read it in the fic, I know I'm shameless kjdsfhg)
I mentioned it at one point, but I think it bears repeating - the ideas in Sepria's story are heavily exaggerated. Once I was finished writing it, Master Kohga had become a solid comfort character in my faves list, and creating this story was my way of safely venting my real life frustrations. Rest assured, no matter how much my job and working sucked, I did not actually go off the deep end in real life so no need to worry about that kjdfg
Other than this, and a handful of random dialogue I have written for the two of them, I don't have much else of Sepria, and I really need to get on that! As soon as I figure out how to draw Kohga without absolutely butchering him, I'll probably put out some more art of the two of them~
Oh! One more thing. Sepria and Kohga's dynamic here is "villain who usually doesn't care about anyone but himself shows actual warmth to another person, who comes to him out of desperation from their own struggles." I wrote this story before the DLC for Age of Calamity was even announced and showed that Sooga and Kohga did the exact same thing. I just think it's funny that whoever wrote for the game had the same idea that there is some goodness in Kohga's heart, no matter how roundabout it's presented as, and I love it XD
But for now, this marks the very last Zelda OC I've made in the span of about 14 years! It's so crazy to see how far I've come in terms of art, writing and concepts for my characters, and I'm really proud of all the progress I've made! Even if it's all just silly self indulgent stuff... but honestly that's my favorite!
If you read all of the posts thus far, thank you for sticking with me and taking such an interest in my characters! It makes me happy to know that people like the things I create. Maybe it will inspire someone else to take a look at the progress of their OCs too? Who knows!
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kudsktrujillo55 · 1 day
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solitaireinfoacc · 3 months
Text
☆.. ノ movie sources
^^ click the link for more ^^
★ addams family
★ alexander and the terrible horrible no-good very bad day
★ cheaper by the dozen
★ DC
★ descendants
★ divergent
★ encanto
★ escape room
★ family camp
★ FNAF movie
★ friday the 13th
★ girl, interrupted
★ halloween
★ honor society
★ hotel transylvania
★ how to train your dragon
★ indiana jones
★ it
★ jungle cruise
★ legally blonde
★ lemonade mouth 
★ marvel
★ mean girls
★ my girl
★ my spy
★ night at the museum
★ ouija: origins of evil
★ pitch perfect
★ remember the titans
★ saint vincent
★ saw
★ scream 
★ sinister
★ strange world
★ the black phone
★ the breakfast club
★ the goonies
★ the incredibles
★ the lodge
★ the lost boys
★ the mighty ducks
★ the notebook
★ the pacifier
★ the ring
★ turning red
★ twilight
★ uptown girls
★ uncle buck
★ words on bathroom walls
★ ZOMBIES
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winterbrrrd · 3 months
Text
A final poem for the sad white rapper
I once fucked a sad boy rapper who
Came fast inside of me
And afterwards he got up frantic,
Post-alarm ignored by sleep.
He said knew I would be thick but
Not THIS thick -
He’s so discrete,
As if his minor league rap schtick
Gives him the credibility
To hand select just like a butcher
Choosing his best cut of meat,
A dozen corpses in the freezer
Dangling hooked, ready to eat.
He landed in the frayed pink chair that
My black cat scratches with glee
And then proceeded
To spit his autobiography at me,
Divulging stories of
Ex-girlfriend
And his vast humanity
In the lengths he went to heal her,
Steal her sick identity,
Make it his own,
Like he’s so selfless,
Like a nurse working for free.
He took her pain
And made it his
In place of personality.
And now he’s using me like her,
My sacred body as dumpster
To discard of pent up jizz,
Like I was blessed to touch this nerd.
“You’re so much better than a robot therapist
And much cheaper.”
“It’s my pleasure,”
I’m always lying, distant forecasts for weather
A week away, will always change,
Just like the clouds that I capture.
In the back of loose screw head,
Beyond the pinball of his lips,
I’m repeating,
“didn’t realize that you would be this thick.”
Didn’t realize that I would be this thick?
Or didn’t think
That a girl with stretch marked hips
Would steal your fragile self-conceit?
Yeah, I’m thick
Like an aged tree
In a clearing of the woods
Providing shelter with my limbs,
Providing homes for nesting squirrels.
And my healing isn’t free
To steal from me like writhing worms;
Violent extraction from the earth -
No, sir, I save it for the birds.
My healing isn’t free,
It’s not some manic pixie dream
Designed for men in dire need
Of holy soul awakening
From a girl with neon hair
That she cuts, though she can’t see
What the scissors take away
Beyond her brain’s
Periphery.
I’m not a manic pixie dream
And my healing isn’t free.
Only a healer cuz I’ve hurt in ways
A man wouldn’t believe.
Wouldn’t believe but would gaslight
Starting another screaming fight;
He throws a wrench at the oven
And shatters glass;
I watch and cry.
I am not manic,
No, the truth is that I’m trying to survive
By throwing my adrenaline into
A state of overdrive.
I’m not a pixie,
Only seem it,
For I’m oft in states of flight,
Running from men who suck my soul out
Like the marrow they can’t bite.
They hunt for food, they hunt for sport,
They pose with me,
Bloody delight -
Exquisite corpse in camera lens,
Spent bullets glimmering in light.
I am a healer,
But not yours,
And I’ll make it mirror clear,
Showing you your own damn self,
Refusing you the chance to steal
From me my life source or my energy,
This well of gasoline.
I’ll flick my yellow cigarette
If you approach me just to drink.
There were so many
So damn many
There were 40 in one season
And reflecting on that summer
Gives me 40 more good reasons
To stay sober,
Stay connected
To my gods,
The one I choose.
They are not men,
Men aren’t my friends
Unless they love beyond
My boobs,
Beyond my thrusts,
Beyond my touch,
Beyond the trauma they can taste
When I come round
And loosen up,
They see an easy ass to rape.
They see easy
They see easy
They see vulnerability
They see a store
That they can loot
While the city is sleeping.
They steal TVs,
Leave fever dreams
That wake me up each night at 3,
No longer sleep,
No longer weep,
I just stare blankly at a screen
Marking my pins on Google Maps,
1,000 places I can flee
Sad white rappers who saw just saw trash,
Not my technicolor body.
So what, I’m chubby.
So I’m tattooed
With my own untrained right hand.
So what, I’m scarred,
So what, I’m childish,
So I can’t live off the land.
I see this universe in me,
The constellations so unique
That you wouldn’t recognize them
Lest I taught you to perceive.
And I reserve heavenly teachings
For the souls who do not seek
To wrap their tentacles around me,
Squeeze until I cannot breathe.
I reserve it for my ____
For the silence when we speak
Amidst the distance from
______ to Florence, Kentucky.
It feels like lightyears when we’re absent
From each other for two weeks,
Thank god sound travels fast as Flash
For children of technology.
And in the silence of the hours,
I can hear him piss and eat,
The little sounds of Stardew Valley,
Planting flowers on repeat.
So I pretend that I’m beside him,
Like there’s nowhere else to be,
And I relax within his grasp -
No nightmares,
Only reveries.
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