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iwanttobepersephone · 1 day

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So I sent this message to @findingcrow

And I ended up explaining literally all of the emojis. Here they are (in order of explained, not order of how they were put). I spent 3 hours explaining this and it's a LONG post, so, sorry lol

👯‍♀️-The twins are just a pair of dancers, and I love the vibes of Scar and Grian dancing together in the desert

🫧-The bubbles are because their love has the same vibes as the way a child loves bubbles. The child thinks bubbles are pretty and fun, but often pops them due to a lack of understanding of their fragility

⚖️- The scale is a symbol for justice, something that Grian had the intention of bringing to the server, and yet, in the end, he hated following through with it (killing Scar)

🪬- The hand is called a hamsa, as far as I'm aware, and is a symbol for protection and guidance, something that Grian offered to Scar throughout the entire time they knew each other

✨️- The sparkles are about how attractive and nice their love seemed to Grian, how shiny the prospect of loving Scar was

💌- Well, to me, it feels like keeping his love hidden inside him, leaving only hints of its existence. You cannot read what's inside the envelope until you open it, but the heart implies it was sealed with love. He hides his feelings in the envelope like a letter never meant to be read

💃- Ok, so, the dancing one is the same as the pair dancing

🌌- The galaxy is about his home, as I like to think the Watchers live in sorta in space-ish. I think a lot about Grian routinely going up on the roof in any season of the series and just, staring at the stars. "Oh wow," he'll say, "it's so much more beautiful looking up than down"

🫀- I tend to use the real heart for situations when my love feels, well, *real*, more so than the typical cartoons heart can express. When it feels almost as if the other person is less of a loved one, more of a part of me, like we've become so very intertwined that I can never forget them. I think you can guess why that applies to Scar and Grian

🎭- The drama masks are, once again, about how he hid his feelings. "No," he said, "I'm not in love. He's just my partner in crime." It's also about how he acted out a personality that fit his needs, too. He always wanted to win, and Scar was a part of that. "I made a deal, I have to live up on it" while he's actively helping kill people, knocking down the number of who he'll have to kill once he's red. In the end, all his actions were for his own gain, but slowly the facade he put on them of being for Scar became real, the mask became his face

🕯- And the candles, well, "the light of the server." A candle in the dark. A fire, something so fierce and destructive, becoming passive and helpful. Something so necessary for some. Plus, they're often associated with magic and rituals, a tool for manifestation and summoning and communication. But a fallen candle, a flame forgotten before bed, it can become destructive again. That's what burns down houses, what takes lives. And if it doesn't lose control, it burns, and burns, and keeps burning until all of itself has melted, until it's nothing

⚔️- For the swords, I thought mostly of when Grian attacked him. Y'know, "YOU TRAITOR!". #1, I like to think of it as him putting his sword to Scars throat, so swords are obvious there. #2, he also was guarding himself! He trusted Scar, showed him parts of himself he never showed anyone else (maybe even revealed he's a watcher?????), and then Scar KILLED HIM! As part of a stupid game! (Yes I'm aware of the irony there it drives me insane I can rant about that themes about that for so so so so long and the guilt Grian feels for being the cause the games Rzaurskr74us4s4ua). So, obviously, he started to guard his heart, like swords across an entrance

⚰️- Coffin is 2 things, first, the way their love died as Scar did. I like to think that Grian tried to bury him a little, Scars final resting place was also the resting place of their love (at least, the final resting place of SCARS love). The second thing is that Scar would sell coffins, remember? But he never got one. He never got what he gave, but he did get everything Grian had

🎠- So, the horse isn't JUST a horse, it's a merry-go-round horse. Y'know, from a carousel? So, in all the seasons, their relationship kinda follows the same main story-beats, right?

•Early betrayal/beginning of a grudge

•They're forced to make up, even if just briefly

•Help each other out with something

•They fall out again

•They die (sometimes being the CAUSE of the others death, even if indirect)

It happens again and again.... like how a carousel goes around and around and around. You CHOSE to get on the carousel, Grian, and you can't get off until it's over, you know that, Grian

🏜- Anywas, for the desert, well, they're the desert duo

🦙- For the Llama, don't tell me you forgot about Pizza!

🌓- Ok the half moon, Let's see how effectively we can put this into words. So it's 2 sides of the moon, right? It's the same thing at its core, the moon, but two entirely separate appearances, light and dark. It's the same thing at its core, a game, but two entirely separate experiences, the player and the creator. 2 sides of the same coin sorta deal, yeah? They both play the game, too, and in my mind, Scar sorta creates the game, too, in his own way. Would Grian have ever stuck around the game the way he did if Scar weren't there? Scar kept things interesting for him, kept him from getting bored. Grian bent and created new rules to make sure Scar had fun, the game was created just as much for Scar as it was for Grian. And again, Grian plays too! Grian has plans blow up in his face, Grian faces punishments of breaking the rules, and despite what the other players may say, Grian lost, too. It's the same thing at its core, a game, unwinnable, but malleable

❤️‍🩹- The bandaged heart is a bit more on the nose,

I like to think both Grian and Scar were, in some way, hurt when they met. Maybe Grian had become used to the ultimately selfish love of the watchers, and had trouble believing that any other sort of love could exist. Maybe Scar hated his namesake, and wished he could hide it. (Examples, I can't quite decide on what I wanna do with it, lol. But as they grew closer, that changed. Grian began to believe in selflessness, and Scar began to find beauty in every part of him. They bandaged each others wounds and healed each others hearts

🧨- So, the dynamite is also pretty obvious, I feel like, like it's Grian. Now I COULD do some sort of deep meaning, pretty easily in fact (blowing up in the emotional way instead of the physical way, losing control of his emotions, once again circling back to "YOU TRAITOR"), but that's really not what I had in mind when I put it there

🏳️‍🌈- The queer flag.... do I need to explain that

🕰- So, the clock is a really cool one, because Grian knew from the very beginning that this would never last. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he had a timer in the back of his mind, constantly ticking, for when it was all gonna end. It was only ever a matter of time, but he pretended it wasn't. He pretended it would last forever. Maybe, if he hoped for long enough, the clock would stop ticking, but it didn't

⏳️- Now, the sand timer has, once again, a very similar meaning. It's a timer till the end of it all, the knowledge that it will always run out, *always*. But he still joins the games, over and over again. He flips the hourglass over and restarts the timer. The sand will keep pouring, it will never change, it will end the same, always

#long post #jesssussss christ I spent 3 hours explaining my emoji choices lol #it was really fun tho #3rd life #life series #traffic light smp #traffic smp #grian #goodtimeswithscar #watcher grian #grian watcher #symbolism #this is just straight up copy and pasted from our dms so if it feels a bit weird thats probably why

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absquatulatevelcro · 2 days

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CRIMSON RAVEN p1

Fumikage Tokoyami's Aunt! Y/N

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This will be a series, i think.. (Im only posting this on tumblr bc i still cant make up a title and description so the temporary title will be "CRIMSON RED" Ig??? FYI I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT COLORS OMGGG

INFORMATION: Y/N Tokoyami (current) , an honourable 25-year-old woman who has been in the singing industry for 9 years and very well known amongst the American Pro Heroes, decides to go reside in Japan, Musutafu after her failed marriage with someone (not important) at age 19 and had to suffer abuse and loosing her child after 3 years of being with him (22). This time, Y/N decides to look for a better future at Japan in hopes in becoming a nurse while also carrying her singing career in the sidelines) -- I will try to improve this dww

(Side-eyes you intensively.)

CHAPTER 1: Red wing black birds are pretty cool too!

Y/N Tokoyami stood on the balcony of her newly rented apartment, gazing out the bustling streets of Musutafu. The city lights twinkled like stars in the night sky, a sight that brought a sense of calm to her troubled heart. It had been a long journey from America, a journey marked with pain and loss, but now, here in japan, she hoped to find peace and a fresh start.

As she turned to retreat into her apartment, a faint of rustling sound caught her attention. Frowning, she glanced towards the source of the noise and froze. There, on her floor ─ was a heavily injured man with feathery, ashy, and unkept blond hair with a pair of a vermillion wings. The winged man kneeled on the ground as he clenched on his abdomen, possibly from a serious injury located there.

Y/N couldn't help but feel sympathy for the unknown man, her heart clenched as she approached him. "Um, hello?" she said gently, her wings fluttering behind her as she crouched down to meet his level. "Are you.. okay?"

The winged man flinched at her voice as he turned around to be met with a pair of red and bloodshot eyes, staring directly at him competently. "I-I'm sorry," he stammered, his voice barely a whisper. "I didn't mean to barge in your.. apartment ─ Fuck!" He hissed out in pain as his pair of wings rustled once more.

Y/N sighed, her eyes shifting to his wings, noticing. It is a bit damaged and hung limply at both of their sides, still shaking intensively as it flapped slowly. "I'll- be back." She abruptly spoke, turning around, looking at the winged figure before she ran inside.

Y/N hurried into her apartment, her heart pounding with concern for the injured man outside. She rummaged through her shelves, searching for anything that could help alleviate his pain and tend to his injuries. After a few seconds, she managed to find a first aid kit tucked away deeper within, it took her quite a while due to how it was safely stored. Still, she managed to obtain the kit when she grabbed the handle.

She rushed back outside and kneeled at the winged man's side, Y/N carefully opened the first aid kit and began to assess the extent of his injuries. The man winced in pain as he probed at his abdomen, his breathing coming in ragged gasps as he clenched his fists while staring at the other with the lack of any emotion besides pain.

Y/N noticed the intensifying atmosphere around them as she tendered on the wounds. "It's going to be okay," she murmured softly, her voice laced with reassurance as she faced him "I don't care what happened here, I'm going to take care of you."

The man's eyes widened in surprise at her words, a mixture of disbelief and gratitude shining in their depts. "Thank you" He said whispered hoarsely, his voice barely a whisper due to the blasting noises from the city.

Y/N offered him a small smile as she continued to tend to his injuries, her hands moving swiftly before pausing, her face reddening as she faced the stranger. "C-can I cut your shirt?" she uttered, her voice tinged with nervousness. "I need to-" Her words trailed off as she realized the intimate nature of her request, her hands swiftly making their way to her face to hide her flushed cheeks.

"Your blood is mixed in with the... fabric," she continued, her voice barely above a whisper. "And I-I need to wrap this bandage to stop the bleeding."

The heavy silence lingered, awkward and palpable, wrapping around Y/N like a suffocating blanket. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, betraying her embarrassment. Meanwhile, the stranger's gaze seemed to bore into her, making her squirm under its intensity.

Finally, breaking the tension, the stranger blinked and coughed, as if suddenly aware of the discomfort they both shared. With a nod, he tried to diffuse the situation. "Yeah, sure." He said, offering a casual agreement. "I mean- your the pretty nurse here. You can do anything with me." He chuckled, adding a slick remark which left Y/N completely destroyed and filled with embarrassment

Y/N's heart sank as the stranger's words as a rush of heat flooded her cheeks, her embarrassment now reaching a new peak. She felt her confidence crumbling beneath the weight of the stranger's slick remark, his smirk only adding insult to injury.

"I'm serious..." She whispered, her head facing sideways as she tries to hide herself from the stranger. "I- you know what? I'm just gonna ignore you and focus."

Y/N's whispered response carried a hint of vulnerability, her attempt to shield herself from the stranger's gaze evident in her turned head. The sting of his words lingered, casting a shadow over the interaction as she struggled to regain her composure.

With a quiet determination, she resolved to push past the discomfort, her voice wavering slightly as she made her intentions clear. "I'm serious..." she repeated softly, her resolve firm despite the lingering unease. Turning her attention away from the stranger, Y/N focused on the task at hand, carefully scissoring around the freshly healed wounds as she took a compression bandage and carefully circling it around the strangers waist.

As she finished tending to the stranger's needs, Y/N shifted her head, her gaze steady as she met his eyes once more. Though the discomfort still lingered, she refused to it rush pass her mind and sighed, "There you go," She said tirelessly, her hands still on the strangers waist before pulling back. "Feelin' okay?"

The stranger's response was slow in coming, his gaze shifting slightly as he considered Y/N's question. After a moment of silence, he offered a faint nod, his expression softening. "Yeah, I'm alright," he replied, his voice quieter than before. There was a hint of sincerity in his tone, a recognition perhaps of the impact of his earlier remark. Y/N nodded in acknowledgment, a small flicker of relief crossing her features.

With a subtle nod, she took a step back, giving him some space. "If you ever need anything, just call me," As she turned her head, she realized something VERY important and turned to face the winged man once more. "Do you have anyone I could contact to? A close relative or friend, perhaps?"

The stranger's intense gaze sent a shiver down her spine as he spoke urgently, "Uhh... yeah, can you call my agency? Tell them I need help."

His mention of an "agency" piqued her curiosity, especially paired with the possessive "my." She couldn't help but wonder, "Agency? My? What do you mean?" Her confusion was evident as she raised her brows, waiting for an explanation. The stranger's expression shifted to one of shock as he clarified, "If you meant like a business agency or some store agency-sure, just give me some time. Just know ruthless some of them are, especially with a rando like me!"

"No, not a 'business' or some kind of agency," he insisted, his tone urgent. "Hero agency. You know, like the Hawks Agency?" His words hung in the air.

'Hero?' Her mind raced with possibilities. Hero agency? Was he implying he was a Pro- hero? The notion seemed absurd, like something so unpredictable, not much of a re-occuring event but still possible. Yet, his urgency and the intensity in his gaze made her pause, considering the possibility that he might be serious.

"You're saying you're... a Pro-hero?" she asked incredulously, her skepticism evident in her tone. The stranger nodded slowly, making it seem like he is 'shocked' as well.

"I'm a pro hero.. yeah─ I'm sure you must've heard of me, at least once.." She hesitated, unsure whether to believe him or dismiss his claim as delusion.

"Look, I'm sorry for disrespecting you in any way but I really don't know you nor' believe that you are some kind of pro-hero." She paused. "In my defense! I'm new to Japan and haven't yet adjusted to the Hero Ranking. So sorry if I managed to insult you because, frankly, there's no rule that we all should know about each and every heroes!".

The stranger's expression softened slightly at Y/N's outburst, understanding flickering in his eyes. "I'm sorry for assuming. I'm not much of a bad guy in first impressions.." He muttered softly, gaze still fixated on Y/N.

"I guess not everyone knows every hero, especially if you're new here." Y/N nodded, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders at his understanding. She glanced down at her hands, fidgeting nervously as she contemplated her next words.

"So, um, if you don't mind me asking..." she began tentatively, "who are you? I mean, what's your hero name?" The stranger hesitated for a moment before answering, as if deliberating over his response.

Finally, he spoke, his voice low but firm. "I go by the name Hawks," he said, his eyes meeting Y/N's with a sense of gravity. "I'm much known for my red wings- Which is one of the reasons that got me shocked when you questioned about me being a pro hero. I rarely get reactions like that and all."

"Seriously?" She couldn't help but laugh at his given statement. "In my country, there's like two or three pro heroes who have the similar yet totally amazing-than-yours wings. Not to mention your name which is kinda misleading.. I'd say your much of a red wing black bird, but it might just be me."

Hawks chuckled, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes. "Well, I can't argue with that comparison. Red-winged blackbirds are pretty cool creatures too, I guess. But hey, being a bit misleading keeps people on their toes, right?" He flashed a playful grin (to hide off his pride slowly crumbling into ashes. A-hah!)

Y/N sighed, her tone conceding, "I suppose that's a valid point."

Hawks's smile faltered momentarily, but he quickly regained his composure, his gaze meeting hers with a silent understanding. "So," His voice suddenly faltered as he realized his whole situation. "Thank you for helping me today. I could've lost a lot of blood before I could contact the agency. "

"Oh, It's nothing. Although I find it very unfortunate and stressing that I have blood on my balcony right now. You should totally fix that up before anyone finds about it and suspects me of a murderer," She grinned, "Which I am not and will never be. So, I really hope that you tell off your 'agency' to clean up your mess...or just you, because I damn mind my reputation, right now!"

"Well, I would certainly do that." He chuckled, His wings fluttered gently and evenly due to a few minor injuries on his left wing.

"You better be-" Y/N paused, noticing the difference on his wings, well to be specific, the movement of his wings which caused her to raise a brow. "Is your left wing usually like that? Always shaky and shit... Or is it just because of your fallout earlier?" She questioned, arms folding on her chest as she sat beside him.

Hawks hummed, "I lost balance after a heavy blow with a winged-villain. I don't know what they just did, but it certainly gave me a huge load of pain in my main and left wing," He sighed, "Still experiencing the excruciating pain, by the way."

Y/N nodded sympathetically, her expression reflecting concern for Hawks' well-being. "I see. Well, can you tell me your phone number so that I can contact them?" She reached out her phone from her pockets as she waited for his response.

"Uh yeah," he resumed. "Its (--), Just tell them about my situation and where am I, currently." He added

Y/N nodded, quickly entering Hawks' phone number into her contacts. "Got it. I'll make sure to let them know about your situation and whereabouts," she assured him, her fingers typing swiftly on her phone screen.

Once she had saved the number, she glanced back up at Hawks with a reassuring smile. "I'll give them a call right away." She assured.

With that, Y/N immiedtly dialled the number and held the phone on her, patiently waiting as it rang. After a few moments, someone picked up on the other end, which caused Y/N to feel a sense of relief washed over her.

"Hello?" She greeted.

She glanced towards Hawks before launching into an explanation with his situation, emphasizing the urgency of the matter. She provided the necessary details, including their current location ─ which was her apartment on room 342, before concluding the call with a sense of relief.

"Um, yes, uh-huh." She said before shifting her head to face hawks. " Alrighty! They're sending someone to pick you up." She informed as she tucked her phone back into her pocket. "You should be in good hands soon."

Hawks nodded gratefully, a flicker of relief crossing his features. "Thank you," he paused. "I haven't really gotten your name.." He questioned.

Y/N blinked a few times before responding, "Uh─ yeah! My name is Y/N, you can call me whatever you like."

Hawks beamed, "Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate your help."

Y/N chuckled, waving off his thanks as she smiled. " It's no problem at all. I'm just glad I could be of assistance."

-Word Count: 2200+ (no a/n)

#bnha hawks #boku no hero academia #mha hawks #my hero academia #bnha #hawks x reader #mha #mha keigo x reader #skibidi toilet #dumb shit #shitpost #stupid post

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stressfulsloth · 9 months

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Thinking about Disco Elysium and stars. Something about communal experience and simultaneous isolation, hope and idealism, fear and beauty and terror and burning. The inherent horror in the vast romantic starscape of the sky, the melancholy and loneliness inherent in the untold distance, a communal experience of something too enormous to fathom. Stars bear witness to humanity, to the millions of tiny people crawling on the face of Elysium. They watch the people, and the people watch back, and make up stories about the stars. Stars symbolise love, hope, something unreachable and unattainable.

The way that the light of the stars reaches every single being in Elysium, from human to phasmid, but no matter how far it reaches it is still a cold and distant glow, always on the verge of going out. A moral brilliance, a holy light to strive towards, something always at risk of burning out, but there's a dichotomy too. A duality between the stars as brutal unfeeling observers, moralists even, like the aerostatics flying overhead, tiny dying lights that watch impassively over every terrible thing in the world, and the flipside; stars as the burning kernels of hope, furious burning flames that parallel Harry and his golden-orange forest fire nature. Stars as the light of communism, the star-and-antlers. They're hope and dreams- a million years in the stars. Rockstars and superstars. The light of a brighter future (however short-term that future might be) coming towards them at the end of the tunnel. It makes me think of Sacred and Terrible Air and the light pollution in Vassa- ending light pollution as the world ends. "You may laugh at this, but in the evening, when the big world in the distance swells into a bloody maelstrom, families come out into the street in Vaasa and are insignificant together. Only distant explosions disturb the deep peace of the winter night, its flawless starry sky. Everyone watches, heads tilted back." The stars are a shared experience. Something that everyone watches, insignificant together, when there's nothing more that can be done. Light in the face of darkness, community in the face of inevitability. Togetherness. The stars are there in the church with the ravers. They're there watching Harry and Kim together. Insignificant together. In dark times, should the stars also go out?

#i'm collecting quotes for another thing and i just like all of these together idk #disco elysium #de rambling #my brain is so full of cotton wool rn so sorry if this is. garbled sddjjdsk #long post #i am really sorry for the incessant longposts #sacred and terrible air spoilers #pjõl spoilers #i guess? also very much oversimplifying there #i just. idk. i have feelings about that bit #it's the team ibex translation btw #stars manage to encapsulate both moralism and communism lol- inaction+distant observation versus fire and passion and feeling

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chipthekeeper · 11 days

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ANDOR credits + concept art

#because this is one thing the mandalorian got better i'll say it #andor #star wars #long post #my posts #not tagging everyone. yet.#sorry for the variance in size on some of these #some of the art was hard to find so they're all a bit different sizes #and i'm too lazy not to eyeball it #also rip to rupert vansittart and stanley townsend #didn't have a place to put either of you

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iisabelinski · 1 year

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He-lloo! I know I haven’t posted any art in like — looks at her notes — a year?! More? 😅

Been chipping away at this in my free time, and it’s finally done! My favorite space couple dressed in space ponchos, probably having a tense conversation before shit hits the fan and they need to get down to business 🔫🔫🔫

#honestly this was just an elaborate excuse to paint Mara's hair #and give her a dramatic expression #and the space ponchos of course #never enough space ponchos imo #I'm sorry I took so long to post!#having to work freelance on top of a full time job is the culprit #but I'm back #Luke Skywalker #luke x mara #Mara Jade #mara jade skywalker #the skywalkers #Luke #luke and his badass wife #star wars #star wars legends #Star Wars EU

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charlesemersonwinchesteriii · 3 months

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Ignore all logistical considerations of "would they ever meet each other under these circumstances". If you don't think Jules Bashir would have chosen to join Starfleet, imagine he is on the station for some other reason, or they meet in some other location.

I wanted to make this poll because I've seen various fics where Garak reassures Julian that far from being upset over him being augmented, Garak is grateful for it, either explicitly because (he thinks) they wouldn't be able to have their usual conversations if it weren't for the augmentations, or simply because he likes Julian "just the way he is" and wouldn't want him to be "different". I disagree that Garak would think like this (or at the very least, I think Julian would react negatively if he did, rather than be reassured), so I wanted to hear everyone else's thoughts.

#garashir #Star Trek: Deep Space 9 #this is not just a shipping question btw so please answer whether you view them platonically/romantically/whatever!#Julian Bashir #polls #Starky's original posts #I'll admit. to me there is a very clear right and wrong answer here.#again not in terms of Garak's characterization so much as in terms of JULIAN'S.#I would be fine if Garak said this and Julian felt at least somewhat conflicted about it but I've never seen even that........#I've wanted to make this post for SO LONG but it's a very common thing in a lot of fics that I otherwise REALLY LIKE #from authors that I REALLY LOVE AND ADMIRE #and I have no idea if I'm just being completely insane and oversensitive OTL #but I just read yet another fic where Garak was like ''I have no choice but to be grateful you were genetically enhanced #because Jules would never have joined Starfleet so we never would have met.''#and I just want to yell WHY DO YOU ALL ASSUME THAT #like not even getting into assuming that Jules would be permanently significantly intellectually disabled #based on limited information about his early childhood developmental delays #but more importantly assuming he wouldn't (read: couldn't. because I KNOW that's what you mean.) end up on the station #You! Star Trek fan! Do you think people with intellectual or learning disabilities are allowed in Starfleet? Answer quickly! :)#sorry I told you I've held onto this for too long. and now I'm a deranged bitch about it :|

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not-poignant · 24 days

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I'm rereading utb and while i def understand and agree with ef being held accountable for things, at the same time, it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions, much less his trauma, without anyone actually explaining or modeling this

Like, everyone constantly brings up the fact that he tried to kill Kadek even once they've acknowledged why and gary is starting a relationship with him while also essentially his prison warden and with how little ef has experienced in the world, especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail

Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one

Idk, I really love this fic so, so much and thank you for writing it and i don't even need a response or anything, I just get defensive of ef when I'm reading sometimes bc he's trying so, so hard basically all the time and it seems like people acknowledge it sometimes in the moment but then don't give him the tools to make it any easier

Answering this one publicly because I know you're not the only one who feels this way or has felt this way!

Okay firstly, some of this conflict I'm evoking in the reader is intentional. I want people to feel defensive of Efnisien. I want people to think 'hey, hang on a minute.' There's a lot of reasons I want that, including the fact that in reality, most people don't recover from being abusive even after they've been in horrifically abusive situations in a vacuum (i.e. the whole world doesn't suddenly stop and become soft as cotton wool just because you've been abused! If you go and interview a whole bunch of people in jail right now, a lot of those folks (especially those who have done repeated serious crimes) will have experienced horrendous and incredibly unfair amounts of abuse, y'know? It's complicated. Yes, they have a right to heal and a right to support. Some of them probably did some pretty awful crimes as well. *coughs*serial killers*coughs*)

Obviously Efnisien is nowhere near that level, but the dissonance remains. He's certainly tried to murder more than one person. But we root for the person whose perspective we're reading. Still, people do not heal in a comfortable vacuum. In fact, most people are asked to be accountable for bad behaviour usually while suffering terribly. Because most people - unless they're certain kinds of extremely rare people - do bad behaviour because they don't know better and/or they're suffering intensely and it can momentarily feel good or satisfying to make other people hurt too.

That's an extremely hard process for the folks who are in that situation. Anyone who has had to recognise they're being a bully, or being abusive, usually goes through a period of time where they can't just immediately change, and what's expected of them seems impossible.

Now to everything else:

This world is a dystopia. There are things happening which aren't going to feel good when you're reading - systemic issues, issues around unfairness - because it's a dystopia. If those things weren't happening, and people just felt blithely comfortable with the entire world, well, that's not actually what I'm going for. There are times it should feel extremely disturbing to read.

So there are times I want readers to feel like things are unfair. There are times I want them to feel very strongly in one person's defense and only later realise the other person was hurt too. There are times I want them to feel like everyone is being unfair to a character. And times when I want folks to feel like the situation just sucks all round. Like, my intention in amongst the hurt/comfort isn't for things to feel easy or nice all the time, I am absolutely challenging the reader by introducing things that feel uncomfortable.

So when folks like yourself tell me this stuff it's like - yeah! It's a dystopia! And - yeah! Unfair things are definitely happening. This is especially true in the beginning when no one really has a concept of how bad things have been for Efnisien, or that he's an alpha. It remains true because no one is perfect. But it happens less often, that's what makes it feel more jarring as the story goes on. If you're rereading it's going to feel worse in the beginning, that's on purpose. The story is doing its job.

it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions

I don't really know what scenes you're specifically referring to here (like, just the first few chapters? The whole story? Temsen's single lecture?), but this is absolutely not the case. I'm going to look at the whole story:

The majority of the time that Efnisien is rude and disrespectful, especially once Efnisien and Gary are living together, Gary mostly ignores him, brushes it off, doesn't react or responds like it's normal dialogue lol. He's not constantly correcting his behaviour and he's not constantly like 'hey rephrase that to be polite' or 'I have feelings too' (maybe he should say the latter sometimes).

Gary is more aware than anyone that he shouldn't be Efnisien's guardian and that he's not a companion. He says this, out loud, to several people, several times. So we know that he knows that the situation isn't great / fair re: Efnisien's care (and frankly his own. Of the two of them, Gary's the one who keeps coming close to potentially dying from the other person's actions).

especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail

Gary is not Efnisien's psychologist. And psychologists are not doing their jobs on absolutely everyone, 24/7! This one is so important to remember (both in real life and sometimes in fiction). He's categorically not Efnisien's psychologist and it would be even more toxic if he attempted to be this if they were living together!

Gary being a psychologist is his job in the same way being an artist is a job, it's not specifically relevant to their relationship, except that Gary sometimes has better understanding of the root/s of some behaviours.

Ask any psychologist how they live at home and most of them do not want anything to do with their psychology jobs in their personal life, because they're mentally fatigued/tired from talking to people all day. They are not perfect people, they don't have perfect control over their emotions, they aren't teaching everyone the coping mechanisms they need to survive (this takes a lot of labour! It's exhausting! People can't do that 24 hours a day and stay sane. It gets toxic fast.)

The majority of the time Efnisien has extreme emotional responses, Gary just tends to absorb them, acknowledge them, or actively care for him. It's easy to miss these moments because I'm usually not making you feel conflicted about it.

The times Efnisien has extreme emotional responses and then chooses to repeatedly hurt Gary, there are often extreme emotional responses that follow because you know, that's what Efnisien was aiming for! He was trying to severely hurt someone!

Let's move onto Temsen and Efnisien, because this might be more of what you're thinking of, since Gary almost never holds Efnisien accountable tbh. Temsen is a doctor, and a peak alpha who is a leading educator in academic omega rights and theory. He is the first to deeply understand how young alphas left to get away with their smaller abusive behaviours are the kind of alphas who grow up into rapists, murderers and torturers like Christian in Underline the Blue.

(I just want to add, Christian's own abuse and PTSD is real, I don't think any of us are rushing to hold his hand and pat his head, because we sympathise with Nate more than Christian. But Christian has real pain, and real suffering too. He's a great example of how 'you're still accountable for your behaviour though' at its most extreme).

So, Temsen sees Efnisien's behaviour and he lectures and shuts him down like he would any young alpha who is on a really dangerous path. Even within that, he acknowledges himself - out loud - that it's a complicated situation and the time he comes down on Efnisien the hardest, he says the timing is poor. The majority of the time, he shows Efnisien compassion and care, and listens to his opinions, even when they disagree. He is the first to validate his gender both repeatedly in words, and in hormone and medical support. He's the first to change his approach to Efnisien's medical care when Efnisien calls out his lack of respecting his right to privacy, and he's the first to correct Gary about it when Gary expects Temsen to keep giving him information. He offers pragmatic, compassionate advice about many sensitive subjects in Efnisien's life, his health, his secondary gender, his nesting behaviours. And I would say this is how Temsen actually models better behaviour.

Temsen doesn't expect Efnisien to have all of these skills, but Efnisien has to be told what he's doing wrong and how that's not acceptable behaviour and how he's hurting people, to start learning those skills! Otherwise why would anyone bother? Vindictively hurting other people in moments of rage can feel satisfying for folks who aren't being held accountable.

You say no one is modelling better behaviour to Efnisien so I'm just going to pose some questions that are rhetorical:

How many alphas at HIllview are mounting or torturing Efnisien every day? Does Efnisien have choices in what he eats? Is Efnisien's opinion listened to more and more, especially in matters of his health? Do they care about his pain and offer him painkillers when he's suffering? Are the characters in the story trying to enrich his experiences and help him to become a more mature person by helping him overcome his fears of things like going outside? Are the characters deliberately trying to expand his support network by helping him see new people and lean on them for help, instead of keeping him in a box and forbidding him from seeing anyone? While also taking into account the safety of others?

Are the characters largely gender affirming once they learn more about Efnisien?

Are the characters actively teaching Efnisien social sciences to help him understand more about the world and human rights, which includes his own rights?

Do the characters acknowledge that Hillview isn't an ideal place for Efnisien, just a good place for now?

Do the characters want Efnisien to have a future where he's happier?

Do the characters allow Efnisien to have his emotional responses as long as they're not also abusive responses? For example, is Efnisien allowed to cry, nest, seek comfort, or even be angry, provided he's not being domestically violent? (The answer is yes).

Do the characters to the best of their ability explain things clearly and maintain their own boundaries around Efnisien to remind him that he can also maintain his own boundaries?

Are Efnisien's wishes largely respected where possible? (The answer here is also yes - such as refusing internal exams with Temsen, or having control over what he does most days and how he spends his time etc.)

Can Efnisien see lots of examples of people talking civilly to each other and often with great care, and not being abusive to each other? Can he see alternative forms of conflict resolution, management and repair?

Is Efnisien offered opportunities to repair rifts that he's created himself, after being cruel to someone?

This is just a start, but these people through these behaviours are already role-modelling a ton of better behaviours than anything Efnisien has been exposed to in the past. And we can see that Gary himself role models a lot of these things to Efnisien directly, including apologising frequently and quickly when he realises he's made mistakes. This is how Efnisien learned to apologise! And he literally has thoughts like 'Gary does this / so I guess I should do it too.' That's literally role modelling a behaviour :D

Gary's actually a pretty good role model, and the only reason Efnisien's behaviour starts to improve at Hillview as well as his quality of life is because Gary and Temsen are role modelling these behaviours.

Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one

Efnisien isn't literally a prisoner in his current relationship!

I feel like when folks identify really strongly with a character, it's very easy to miss the times when Gary and Temsen for example brainstorm ways for Efnisien not to live with Gary. Aside from at the very beginning, these characters have actually talked about - in the story, in dialogue - options for Efnisien to not live with Gary.

Like they literally talk about making Efnisien a new room in the headquarters and possibly even building him his own building down the track so he doesn't have to be with Gary! As they trust Efnisien more, they offer many options to him. As the story goes on, they are absolutely not forcing Efnisien to stay with Gary, and nor is Gary. Efnisien himself communicates clearly that he would rather live with Gary than be on his own. This is something that gets checked in on, and more than one option is given to him.

Missing this is understandable, it's a long story, but it also means it's not true that Efnisien is a prisoner in that he's being forced to live with Gary. That's only true in the beginning when they literally think he's just a murderer/attempted murderer who's going to kill everyone at Hillview. As the story progresses, it shifts to 'well he's not a murderer, what are his other options?'

Can Efnisien live a free life wherever he wants? No. That's where the 'dystopian universe' tag comes in. He's not safe to, but Hillview staff wouldn't be concerned with educating him and teaching him independence if they didn't want him to live as independently as possible one day. It's not like Gary has to try to get Efnisien comfortable with going outside and experiencing the outside world, and it's not like he has to encourage Efnisien to meet omegas and betas etc. to hear different opinions, y'know?

But yeah the role modelling is happening: Efnisien's showing more and more tools in coping all the time! He's been growing them since the beginning of the fic. He's learned to communicate better. He's learned how to articulate what he wants and doesn't want more clearly. He's learned how to care more for others even if he often misses that he has the power to really hurt them. He's learned more (not less) confidence. He's having less (not more) trauma responses. He's learned how to trust in the people around him more, so he's starting to talk more about his experiences of gender. He's learned that what he went through was wrong, and is sharing more about the abuse he suffered.

These things would not be happening in a story where people weren't giving him the tools to cope with his life or weren't showing him ways to communicate differently.

The reason Efnisien talks more clearly and articulately now in the story, the reason he laughs more, cries more (which is more open/honest imho and healthier than repressing it), talks more, talks about his past more, expresses his opinion more is because Hillview has been equipping him with more tools to live a richer life pretty much as soon as they realised he's not going to just murder people at the drop of a hat.

In some ways they're showing more trust than our society would because like, attempted murder could land him in jail for a while in our society, y'know?

The reason they haven't paired him with an actual psychologist is that they don't have any peak alpha psychologists and Efnisien can use alpha persuasion on anyone else, and would certainly get angry enough in therapy to use it. We only need to look at how Efnisien responded to Dr Gary in Falling Falling Stars sometimes in therapy sessions to see that yes, this is a guy who - if he had the tool of alpha persuasion - would absolutely use it to get a therapist to shut the fuck up when he felt like it, lol.

But yeah, as always, if folks are feeling really uncomfortable when reading something I've written, it's often intentional. You're right, Efnisien's situation is unfair. A few of the specifics you've brought up aren't true, and have missed things in the story, but it's still not a fair experience, it's not always a pleasant experience, and it's...pretty dystopian!

When we get really deep into our emotional connection to a character, it can still help to remember that the situation often isn't exactly the same as it feels. But this story also has the tags: darkfic / disturbing themes / dystopian universe for a reason! The visceral discomfort is a feature, not a bug.

#asks and answers #underline the black #underline the rainbow #falling falling stars #efnisien ap wledig #dr gary konowalous #ohlo ohlo temsen #a very long response sdfklfjas basically yes it's unfair #it's not *as* unfair as you say #but it definitely *feels* that unfair in the moment #especially the chapter where temsen lectures efnisien #temsen himself acknowledges that the situation isn't fair #and gary chastises temsen for it #and then gary is very caring to efnisien so you know #it's literally a moment in time where even gary #isn't holding efnisien accountable in the same way sdalfkjas #he's *upset* but that's different #we could have a whole other post about how gary's emotional responses dictate his #reactions to efnisien but that's a whole other thing #if i accidentally called you anon while writing this i'm really sorry #it's a habit i get into sdaflkjsa

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holocene-sims · 3 months

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next // previous

august 25, 2021 9:00 p.m. seoul

**TW: SUICIDE MENTION**

[grant] hey, not to bring up the previous conversation, but uh, i wanted to say i'm sorry you had to deal with me the same year you were going through so much. it wasn't fair.

[henry] it's okay, grant. i don't think your motivation for being an addict and attempting suicide that year was, "yeah, fuck henry, i want to make his life so much worse right now. his dad's dead, he may not have enough credits to get his degree this may, and now me!"

[grant] it doesn't matter what it was. the fact is that my problems hurt other people. i didn't just harm myself. and i was not a pleasant person that last year when you really needed pleasantry.

[henry] yeah, i'm not going to lie to you, that very last year of college, i thought the version of you i knew and loved was gone.

[grant] i was insufferable.

[henry] correct. you were an asshole.

[henry] for the most part. you did try to be good again and be there for me when my dad died.

[henry] it was weird. i hadn't seen you sober in years, but when i called you for the first time in a few weeks because there was no one else besides soobin i wanted to talk to about my dad dying, you showed up to my place kind of normal again.

[henry] i don't want to say "sober" because you probably weren't, but you were at least on fewer substances than i was used to at the time, so you seemed sober.

[henry] you weren't in a place to show up for people long-term because you were suffering, too, but you tried. you checked on me every day for a few weeks until finals hit and everything got crazy for everyone. well, no, until we threw that intervention for you right before finals. nonetheless, i appreciated the effort.

[henry] it stopped me from cutting you out, so there's that.

[henry] i'm not trying to sound rude either, please don't take it that way. it was just a lot. i would have regretted it if i cut you out, and i didn't want to at my core because i do not want to do life without you, but i didn't think you had it in you to get out of that spiral you were in for years. i really did not. i thought you were done for.

[henry] i'm sensitive, even if i never sound like it. i was mad at you for bad behavior, but i was also, um, really sad to see you like that. i love you. i've loved you as a brother and a best friend for almost my entire life. and i did not think i could stomach watching you die at your own hand. it made me sick.

[henry] and it probably makes me a bad friend to have felt that way. one, to have thought about cutting you out, and two, to have had so little faith left in you. you deserved more faith from me. if the roles were reversed, you'd never give up on me.

[grant] don't say that. everyone has their limit, and it's hard to know where it is until you finally hit it. i would have one, too.

[grant] and man, you were meant to feel that way. i meant it when i told you i pushed people away purposely.

[grant] whatever conscience and consciousness i had during that time always reminded me that i was terrified of hurting other people. i was very well aware i was probably causing, like, terrible amounts of pain to my friends and family, and i didn't want to do more damage when i killed myself, so...

[grant] yeah, i always meant to kill myself. i thought about it every day for years, honestly all the way back into high school, and i got super close to trying it about a billion times, but i only ever went through with any of my plans once.

[grant] and i'll regret for the rest of my life that you and my grandparents had to see what i did to myself on graduation night.

[grant] but anyway, i chose to have those awful behaviors because i felt like if i ran everybody off and made them leave, they'd be glad i was dead and wouldn't hate me for what i did and just forget me.

[grant] terrible, terrible strategy! like holy shit! i also entirely regret acting out like that, the much happier and stable version of myself from the last, like, eight years realizes that made everything worse and wouldn't have fixed anything anyway.

[grant] trying not to hurt people by hurting them upfront is a fucked up strategy. just entirely fucked up and counterintuitive.

[henry] no, it wouldn't have worked. you'd have left everyone traumatized by not being able to repair things with you.

[henry] so, whether you like it or not, people do like you. people tend to really, really like you. you have a very magnetic, charming personality that very few other people in the world share.

[henry] and people do want you around. i want you around.

[henry] i know what i just said, but i really do want you around.

[henry] but also, wow. i guess you did a great job at trying to run us off since it almost worked on me.

[grant] it was easier than acknowledging people care about me or worry about me. i'm not good at that.

[grant] oh, and in those rare early moments where i thought that i needed help, i was scared everyone would only ever see me as a fucked up shell of a human being. like if i got better, i would still be reduced to the guy with problems.

[grant] i'm glad that i regret trying to kill myself. there's a lot i would have missed out on, including the chance to be nice to myself. but i do worry that some of those things are true, that fucked up is the only way people see me, even strangers.

[grant] i feel like glass sometimes. like everyone looks through me and sees the worst in me and only the worst.

[henry] i'm sorry you feel that way.

[henry] it's a little ironic, though. the more you hold back from telling your loved ones these things or try to push us away so we never see you struggling with anything ever, the more we worry you have the same exact problems that almost killed you before.

[grant] i've really backed myself into a corner, eh?

[henry] there's about a million things i could respond to that with, but here's the most important one. you're worth worrying about.

[henry] you spend your life looking after people and telling everyone to care about others, like you just told me to worry about my future kids, but you seriously do not believe you deserve that in return, and i don't get it. no, i do, but i don't.

[henry] yes, your parents taught you that you don't deserve love, but then again...

[grant] i'm trying to believe. and i have gotten at least a little better. my birthday, you know? i handled that pretty well.

[henry] everyone has flaws. we could and should try harder to not emphasize yours so much. but i don't see those flaws first. and if i do think about them, it's because i don't want them to take you away.

[henry] you don't see my flaws first, do you? clearly, you don't. right? you don't act like you see them.

[henry] the person i see you as is the kid who became friends with me two decades ago. some random nice kid who approached the one new kid at the park sitting by himself and played with him even though they couldn't talk to each other yet. some random kid who learned the basics of my language on the internet to write me a sweet letter saying, "hi, i'm grant, i'm six years old, and i want to be your friend." it didn't even matter it was written poorly.

[henry] i see a lot of good things in you. remember, i was just telling everyone about how nice you were to help me save the first dinner i hosted for soobin. a day ago, you helped me get over failure, one of my lifelong biggest fears, for an hour or two.

[henry] but i think our beginning sums you up nicely. i don't know anyone else who would have gone to such lengths for some nobody new kid. you didn't owe me your time or your respect and yet you gave it to me. and that was a weird time in my life. everything turned upside down when i moved. to have a friend like you then was...

[henry] and of course, nothing's changed. you're still a kind person. you're funny. you're smart. you're just you. you're one of the only people on earth who isn't fake. the kid i remember isn't gone. i'm glad he survived. i'm glad i didn't lose him.

[grant] despite everything, it's still me?

[henry] yes. but so we're clear, you don't have to do nice things to be worthy of being liked. you're likable on your own. i'm only saying that your kindness stands out to me, and i know that you value that trait, so it bears mentioning. you've been very good to me. i can forgive the times when you weren't. i've been a jackass before, too. i've probably been a jackass to you.

[grant] i feel like we've said thanks a lot today but thanks for sticking with me. don't feel bad that you thought i couldn't get better. that was my fault. but you're still here. and you showed up on graduation night for me. i'm beyond sorry that you had to see any of that, like i cannot repent or apologize enough in my lifetime, but thank you.

[grant] i owe you my life.

[grant] i owe you a lot but that first.

[grant] i've said it before but it should be repeated, you know? i definitely would have died if you didn't come that night. aside from my uncle, you're the only one i know who can pick a lock.

[henry] just do not make me do it again. i would show up a second time, but it would be better on my psyche if that was unnecessary.

[grant] it won't happen again. i've been good for a long time, but i'm great now and most of all, appropriately medicated for bipolar disorder. it's all going to be okay.

[grant] we're going to go home, continue being best friends forever, you're going to be a great dad one day.

[henry] and you will get your job back!

[grant] great minds think alike! now, how much longer until the arcade? i promise i'll let you win a game of air hockey for once.

#tw suicide #tw suicide mention #tw drug mention #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 storytelling #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #I'M NOT SORRY THIS IS SO LONG GUYS IT'S WORTH IT IMO #ALSO THE GRADUATION DAY INCIDENT I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT FOR YEARSSSSSS IS FINALLY BEING EXPLAINED #this is a sad post in many ways but i'm excited to be tying up some of these storylines i created a long ass time ago #also i was trying to be extra safe about the tws here because i never know if the tags alone are enough #post x100 script: sometimes we don't get to see grant's flaws bc this story is through his perspective but here we go here's a look at them #holocene.docx #holocene.png #hlcn: grant #hlcn: henry

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kotekenobii · 1 year

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The more I think about Cody in the tbb s2 trailer the more insane I feel about it and the more sorry I feel for him. Put yourself in his shoes. He’s got something in his head that’s not letting him think straight, let alone make his own choices. That something in his head told him to shoot and kill the love of his life (or if you don't subscribe to that, one of his very closest friends). He no longer has Obi-Wan or Rex or anyone else to lean on for support: he’s all alone. He doesn't have anyone he can trust. And so, in desperation, he is talking to the one person in his life who he still has a bit of a connection with - Crosshair, who he helped as best as he could before the war ended through his involvement with the Bad Batch (I'd love to know the full canonical extent of how much Cody had to do with the Bad Batch, and have many thoughts of my own about it, but that's for some other time). "Rumours are, more and more clones have been questioning the order." Cody's a smart man. He knows he can’t say what’s really on his mind, that he’s feeling terrible for having carried out Order 66, that he knows it was wrong, that he feels too much guilt and regret to ever voice or be able to put into words and that the pain is eating him alive. So he takes the tactical approach. He is testing Crosshair - probing the waters and seeing if perhaps he can trust him, wanting to know if he's not alone. If there are others struggling with the consequences of Order 66. But Crosshair says the exact opposite of what he needs to hear - whe says that those clones are then traitors, like the Jedi. And Cody, who is known for his loyalty, who is meant to set a prime example to those around him, who is in charge of so much and has shouldered so much responsibility for all his life - and who is now struggling with this unimaginable, unspeakable grief and guilt, is confronted with this sudden realisation of being a traitor and it’s so incredibly confusing and heartbreaking and all he wants is to talk to Obi-Wan, but he murdered Obi-Wan and he really is lost and alone. He can't trust anyone. He can't trust Crosshair, sure, but what's worst of all is that he knows he can't even trust himself and his own mind.

#i have so so so many thoughts about this #cody is so alone and isolated #he probably never had much of a support network even during the war but he did have obi-wan #another thing to post about later #and now he thinks he's killed obi-wan #and he feels so overwhelmingly trapped and lost #i really want to give him a hug #he needs to at least find out he didn't kill obi-wan. i'm begging for that at the very least. please let them reunite and be together again #one day i will also post exactly why cody would never willingly stay with the empire because i am so sick of seeing people say he would #and i need something to throw at them on short notice #poor cody :(#star wars #the bad batch #commander cody #crosshair #codywan #so sorry for how long this post is

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himboskywalker · 6 months

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I adore how you write anakin and Obi-Wans character, how do you do it? I would love to start writing but I have a hard time getting in a character, so I would love to hear how you do it. 🤗

Thank you so much! I feel like I have a harder time getting Obi-Wan's characterization right, so I'm always highly honored when anyone thinks I do lol I'm going to give you both some general writing advice and then a personalized approach for how I tackle characterization!

To start,good characterization sits on the foundation of each of your characters needs a motivation. Everyone that has ever existed in the whole world had wanted something, no matter how big or how small. Your character can be solely driven to survive the apocalypse because he wants a twinkie, or they can just want to get home to their cat, or it can be something deeper like wanting to belong or wanting to be loved or wanting power. But it is the human condition to want, and you cannot have a well written character if they don't want something. So let's narrow this down to Anakin and Obi-Wan, what do they want, and how does this want motivate and inform how they act, aka what are they going to do to get what they want?

What does Obi-Wan's canon character want? He wants to serve the Jedi, he wants to protect people, he wants peace, he wants to also serve and protect the galaxy. He also wants Anakin's friendship, and to be a good mentor, and that he could have saved his master. He wants quiet and probably a good cup of tea.

What does canon Anakin want? He wants to protect the people he loves to the marrow of his bones. He wants to protect and keep them so close he is terrified more than anything of losing them. Anakin wants the power and strength to protect his loved ones no matter the cost. He wants the exhilarating strength of being a Jedi and a general, but he also wants to be able to have conflicts of interest outside of his duty to the Jedi. He also wants, not just to be good at what he does, but the best.

They both want to protect, but this mutual want is driven by differing motivators. Obi-Wan's by selflessness, Anakin's by covetous fear. They are foils, two sides of the same coin. Obi-Wan wants to do his best, Anakin wants to be the best.

Storytelling is a journey of plot and development, but good characterization is also creating a person who goes on a journey, either externally or internally. Your character needs reasons for the way they think and act, and you show this either directly, by telling your audience, or indirectly through the character's thoughts, mannerisms and dialogue. And always remember, characters need agency. Your character wants something, and they should take actions in accordance to their motivations, and those actions drive the story. This is what is called a dynamic character.

We'll take Obi-Wan and Anakin out of their canon story and focus on a vague obikin oneshot, as I follow pretty much the same formula for every one I write. We know who Obi-Wan and Anakin are and their character drivers, but we'll also add in romantic want. Anakin wants to be a Jedi Knight and a General, he wants to fight and to protect those he cares about. He also wants Obi-Wan desperately, but he's more afraid of loss than he is motivated by romance. At least that's how I usually write him. Or we write the oneshot from Obi-Wan's pov. Obi-Wan wants to serve the Jedi and the GAR and the galaxy, and he wants the war to end, and maybe he deep down wants Anakin romantically. But Obi-Wan's sense of duty and morality trumps his longing, or at least that's how I write him. So we introduce a catalyst to override these foundational pillars to their characterizations. It can be reactional to each other's actions or words, or it can be due to their environment.

Another key to characterization is allowing your characters to change, just as real people do. Obi-Wan and Anakin change through the canon story arc of Star Wars. And in your story they will change too. Perhaps Anakin comes very close to dying and Obi-Wan is there, this would change Obi-Wan, how does that affect him emotionally, how would this inform his decisions, his perspective of the world, and his actions? Maybe on a mission Obi-Wan does his usual flirtatious shtick, does this change Anakin's internal balance of fear versus want? How would this inform his internal resolve, his perspective of others and himself, how would this motivate his actions?

I also recommend going to the drawing board and looking at the archetypes Obi-Wan and Anakin represent. What do they represent and how does this mold who they are? Obi-Wan is the older, wiser, steadier mentor. Anakin is the younger, tempestuous, rasher student. What do they thrive doing, what do they like, what do they not like? What aggravates them, what brings them joy? Humans are made of a trillion little pieces all jumbled together and your characters are too.

Obi-Wan is his wants and motivations, but he is also the way he speaks, the way he moves, the things he engages with and likes and the things he avoids and hates. Anakin is his wants and fears, but he too is the way he talks and carries himself and his interests and what he gravitates to and what he instinctively shirks. I recommend watching the prequels and literally writing down observations of their characters in real time. Notice how Ewan strokes his beard or the wonky way he smiles, notice how Hayden talks and that bashful way he holds his head.

#long post I'm so sorry #star wars #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #obikin #my fanfic stuff #on writing #characterization #anons

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