#started this account when I was 14 that’s why my old shit is so cringe

[protea-drarry-shit]

Hey guys I know I’ve been gone for a while and I’m probably gonna stay gone for a while until holidays 😭 schoolwork is just absolute madness rn (and I’m turning 18 in a month!! Yippie but also horrifying though also age reveal woah) so don’t worry nothing horrible has happened to me I just straight up don’t have time to create or post anything 😭😭😭

[basilries]

hey guys ummm ive decided to private most of the old art ive posted on here X( i just really dont like it anymore and hate the fact that im still getting like 300 notes a week on the cringe ass ship art that i made when i was like freshly 14 LOL

some of it is on my neocities for archival purposes so if you still wanna see it you can look there maybe. but i Dont want it spread around anymore thank yuoou

also sorry for not posting that often here i havent made that much quality artwork lately and i only really post quality artwork on here. idk why its just a personal preference Maybe ill start posting my sketches and doodles on here again too....if u wanna see everything i make you can look on my . *gags* Twitter and instagram accounts (and neocities obviously but i havent updated the gallery in over a month whoops)

also 90% of the time i just forget this website exists nd i dont feel like scrolling and reblogging shit all the time anymore LOL

[tobthoughts]

“i miss you”

sunday, november 26th, 06:04am

“i miss you! it’s weird being home when you’re not here.”

i still smile when he messages me. i think about him a lot.

there’s always going to be a part of me that’s him.

i think sometimes about the type of person i would be if we’d never met. i was a quiet 14 year old. i didn’t misbehave in school, didn’t get into problems. i was troubled, sure, and struggling with a lot of things, but i was never a bad kid. i was incredibly socially anxious and i struggled to make friends. i couldn’t get on buses by myself because just the thought of how many things could go wrong made my knees shake and my head spin. but he held my hand the first time i took a bus and told me it was gonna be okay, and it was. and now i get buses all the time, and i talk to strangers in public, and i can order food by myself. the only reason i started trying to recover from my eating disorder was him.

i met our mutual friend, zan, by chance. the truth is that i was so nervous about starting at a new school in a new area i tried to find people that went to the school via instagram… you know when students make a meme page for their school? i found one of those, and went through the followers until i found someone who seemed “cool” that i thought i could get along with. then i followed them. the first time zan saw me in person they shouted “holy shit it’s you!!!” because we’d been following eachother online, but never spoken in person. it got them into detention, but it was funny. after that we started talking more and i used to hang out with them at lunch and break times. we didn’t do anything specific, just walked around the school aimlessly, talking. that’s how i was introduced to george.

zan said “hey, you wanna go meet my friend george?” and i was like “sure! why not?” and we did. and i thought he was so cool. there was nothing actually cool about him, of course, he was a scrawny 14 year old with a shit haircut and braces, but it really did change my life.

one day, zan was out with george and their phone died… so they messaged me through his insta account. and then we kept talking. and then we started hanging out more one on one, without zan.

he got into fights at school, and i remember bandaging up his knuckles on our walk home. we didn’t live in the same area, but he insisted on walking me home one day and got into trouble with his mum. he told me about his family, how fucked up everything was, and i told him about mine. i said that i thought i was falling for him about five days into us talking.

it was pretty stupid, maybe, but we were kids so there wasn’t any harm in it.

over the summer between year nine and ten, his mum actually split us up. she sent a long message from his phone that detailed why we were breaking up, and despite knowing him for just a few weeks i was so devastated by it. i cried to my stepdad and he said “you know, you’re still young, it’s not the end of the world. how do you even know if it’s love?” and i said “i know i’m young, but right now it feels like it. i might not know what love is, but to me, right now, it’s real.” and honestly that’s still one of the deepest things i’ve ever said. anyway, i had no means of contacting him over the six weeks of summer holidays, but i was still grieving our relationship.

when we went back in september i got nervous every time i saw him. he ignored me in the corridors and never met my eyes. i cried to zan about it. zan said that george was ignoring them, too. i cried to another one of zan’s friends, brad, who actually tried to start a fight with george over it… i felt bad about that. george pushed him into a locker and brad pushed him over a barrier. oops. eventually i ended up speaking to him and he said his mum had forbidden us from seeing eachother, but he still liked me. so we started seeing eachother in secret. because we weren’t allowed to message eachother, i started writing him letters. love letters. they were cringe and cute all at the same time, and he kept all of them in his safe where his mum wouldn’t find them. he wrote back, too, and we’d give them to eachother in school. i still have them, in a bag in my wardrobe at home.

his mum was kinda crazy and showed up at my house once to tell my parents to stop me from seeing him… to which they were like “how the fuck do you know where we live” and also “why can’t tobi see george. there’s literally no reason”. it was because i’m non binary and she didn’t want me to turn him gay. lol.

anyway blah blah blah i spent four years with him and he lost his virginity to me and we had a lot of firsts with eachother and shit like that. i really cared about him. i still do, i guess. then he went to uni and we broke up. i was so upset, and confused, because i just didn’t understand why he couldn’t make time for me. i was angry. but i get it now, i do. uni life is busy. it wouldn’t have been easy to maintain a relationship from so far away. i forgive him.

he messages me, sometimes. tells me he misses me. tells me he’s sorry, he wishes it could’ve worked out.

even if i wanted to give him another chance, i think our lives are too different now.

but we’re going for drinks soon!

so i’ll see how it goes.

[reinelefey]

I posted 5,271 times in 2022

74 posts created (1%)

5,197 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@butlerbookbinding

@23-tiny-wishes

@becksterr

@bubobubosibericus

@somecunttookmyurl

I tagged 141 of my posts in 2022

#hush elizabeth - 8 posts

#caro mio - 4 posts

#help - 4 posts

#papi - 4 posts

#but - 4 posts

#please - 3 posts

#signal boost - 3 posts

#yes - 3 posts

#so - 3 posts

#i also force people to repeatedly poke themselves in the eye while i watch - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#god i’m so glad i finally learned to stop masking bc this was destroying me and i had no idea how to like. not do this like masking was

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I finally know why I love Tumblr so much. I have curated my dash so that I have access to egyptology, archaeology, paleontology, nuclear physics, and some of the strangest, silliest shit I've ever seen, ALL IN ONE PLACE.

I /am/ trapped on this hellsite(affectionate) because I genuinely don't /enjoy/ other parts of the internet, where I am the product, and the ads listen to my conversations...

10 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#4

@rudjedet I haven't read the article yet, but like... FIRST thing I saw on the cover, and my first thought I had right after. XD

11 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#3

Heavily dissociative tonight so I'm gonna watch an Egyptian History documentary, cringe at the inaccuracies, and eat an entire pint of ice cream.

17 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

#2

I have to be out of my apartment by Tuesday. I have nowhere to go, and my bank is overdrawn by 25$. Fuck, I don't know what I'm going to do, but PLEASE help if you can, I just need to get a hotel or something until like Thursday when I can get my new ID card to cash my checks. Please, please, please, if you can spare even a dollar, I could really use it. And to my mutuals who have larger followings, PLEASE reblog this. It is 9/2/2022, and I have until Tuesday the sixth to vacate my home with my two year old son. /Please/ I will even pay you back, I just... Need help right now.

$reinielefey is my cashapp. I had PayPal, but they're overdrawn, too, so they've closed my account until I pay them back. I also have Chime (which is the overdrawn account, unfortunately.)

Please, I need help more than I can say.

98 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I FINALLY started listening to The Amazing Devil

FIRST OFF.

Inkpot Gods fucking HURTS. 

So does Farewell Wanderlust!!!

THAT BEING SAID.

I have fucking CHILLS. 

Welcome to my latest hyperfixation. This is all I’m gonna be talking about for fucking MONTHS. 

My next Spotify wrapped may as well be written right now, because it’s gonna be this. Maybe a few other things, but it is /GOING/ to be this.

129 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Jesus. This year had my mental health in the toilet in the first half. But I'm glad my #1 post this year is from now, when I'm FINALLY back on track, and I finally FINALLY fucking figured out this whole having human emotions thing. I love that my top tags are #caro mio and #hush Elizabeth. Because i guarantee most of the time, those were tagged together. As they should be.

[qqueenofhades]

how do you manage to craft a story and connect it and also find ways back to a story that feel authentic and then also write dialogue basically what i’m asking is how are you so amazing at writing and how can a garbage fire person (such as myself) begin to write one so beautiful as one of yours

Aww. That is very kind of you.

As for me, I've been writing for 25 years, I write a lot, I read a lot, and after a while, you just get a sense of how things work, how narrative pieces go together, what style you like, whether an author is good or bad at what they're doing, and how a given piece of work makes you feel and why. I write fic, original fiction, and scholarly/academic stuff, so I have a lot of practice at different genres and just the sheer amount that I do (which is to say... a lot... probably too much) is obviously helpful in being able to hammer out something that is relatively decent on first go. But obviously it is not rocket science or a major secret, and anyone can do the same thing if they practice enough and are willing to go through the learning curve.

I do think it's a little harder to feel confident about your own abilities now that there's a culture of constant exposure/posting your stuff from all phases/abilities of your life. I definitely wrote tons of not-great-to-pretty-crappy stuff back when I was younger, but (and yes, I am indeed an Old) that was before the internet/social media/dedicated fandom spaces were common. Once again, I'm hideously dating myself here, but I first got a FanFiction.Net account in.... 2003. 18 years is a long time to be writing fic. I've gotten in some practice. I definitely could not reread my earliest stuff, and even my oldest stuff on AO3 (which I got in 2012) is edging into cringe factor by now. If I had to reread my stuff from when I was like, 14, and know that it was posted for the entirety of the internet public, I'd probably leap off a bridge. So for me, just by the time I had a tumblr and an AO3 and whatever else, I was a good enough writer that I could surreptitiously kick my early stuff under the bed where nobody had to see it.

Nonetheless, 14-year-old qqueenofhades also wrote some genuinely good stuff, she worked hard, and it probably wasn't even as bad as I remember it, since we are always our own worst critics. Plus, in my experience, most people are happy to consume content from writers of all different skill levels, and understand that we're all ordinary people doing this for free in our spare time just because we love some fictional idiots and want them to bang and/or suffer (and sometimes both). Yes, obviously you always do get some dicks and mean people and entitled assholes and That One Rude Commenter that every author has and which makes their eye twitch, but they do tend to be a minority, and with AO3, you can, for example, moderate comments or delete mean ones or whatever. It can really kick you in the gut when you're starting out, so while I've been through the fic wars (like I said, I was on FF.net in the Dark Days, so I've Seen Some Shit), and that's easy for me to say as a grizzled veteran, I know that it really sucks to get something like that. But it's still only one stranger on the internet who you will never meet in real life and who has no impact on you, and you can be entirely justified in deleting it and ignoring it.

Anyway. That was a long-winded way of saying: you are definitely not a garbage fire person, writing is dumb but also very fun, if you work at it you will get better just like you do with anything, and I am Old.

[yetanotheremptypage]

Fic Writer Interview

Thank you so much for the tag @irishseeeker!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 30 works on AO3.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

227,684!

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

14, Jesus. Bridgerton, MCU (counting AOS and Agent Carter separately from the rest of the MCU since that’s what the MCU appears to have decided, the traitors), To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, Game of Thrones, Girl Meets World, Glee, Angels in America, Chronicles of Narnia, Aida (musical), Percy Jackson, Les Mis, Downton Abbey, and Mortal Instruments.

I think someone just needs to take AO3 away from me at this point.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

From 5-1:

Kiss Me Once (’Cause You Know I’ve Had A Long Night) [TATBILB]: Getting married is more tiring than it looks, but Lara Jean has Peter. Always and forever.

drink with me, my love [Game of Thrones]: for there’s fire in the sky, and there’s ice upon the ground; either way my soul will die. || Sansa, Tyrion, and things never thought possible.

it’s like some kind of clarity [Game of Thrones]: when the letter's done and signed. || Correspondence between the Hand of the King and the Queen in the North.

no escaping your love [Bridgerton]: Kate/Anthony + 100 ways to say I love you.

take my hand, wreck my plans (that’s my man) [Bridgerton]: If two months ago you’d told Kate Sheffield-Sharma that she would be sitting in her flat with Anthony, Viscount Bridgerton, on the couch across from her and a positive pregnancy test sitting on the coffee table in between them, she would’ve told you that you were insane. But here they were.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I didn’t always used to, but I do now. I’ve always treasured every comment, but by responding I’ve had to work on accepting praise and human interaction, two of my biggest weaknesses. Plus it helps me feel more connected to you all which I love.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I’m shit at angst which is why I’ve avoided writing it as much as possible in recent years--maybe it’s like some kind of clarity is the angstiest ending? But tragically, my AO3 account is old and can attest to fics that technically meet this. So it would actually probably be 1989 or Time That Just Went Away.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No, I don’t.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can recall.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Bad smut is what I write. I’ve dipped my toe into the water this past year and it’s all utter trash. All of you who read it without cringing are saints.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but my fic bully coward victim has a podfic which is super cool!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. It sounds fun but I would be a nightmare to work with tbh.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Ah, no, this is too hard! I love enemies to lovers and will leave it there.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Every Right Thing (Will Find Its Right Place). I think I am firmly past my Glee phase (which is for the best tbh) and as much as I loved Quinn and Puck back in the day and I did love this fic, I’m not sure it will ever be completed. But never say never!

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. I’m a theater major and while I started writing fiction first, I also write a lot of scripts. I often will build scenes or even full chapters around a dialogue exchange.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting and editing. I’m getting better at exposition and voice but there’s still more I need to work on there.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I speak French pretty well (not technically fluent but I’ve been studying it for a long time so I’m pretty close) and have always wanted to write a story where I can use it. But I haven’t quite nailed down how best to do that for non-French speakers to know what’s going on. If anybody has a good system for translating dialogue hit me up!

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Um, I think it was Mortal Instruments back in like 2013/2014 but I also feel like it could’ve been the Warrior Cat books? I read, and then wrote, fanfic for a few years before I started publishing, first on FF.net, then FF and AO3, and now pretty much exclusively AO3. The first story I ever published was for Glee.

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?​

Oh, okay. Um...I really love The Dreams We Might Have Missed. This is an Unpopular Opinion (as it should be) but something about it always makes me really happy.

If anyone wants to do this, consider yourself tagged!

[milky-maid-library]

I Am Sorry, Here is why:

Hello to smut writers on Tumblr,

My name is Milky and in the past others have known me as Miss Hush…and before that I was Shellberry. I intend on keeping Milky longest.

It’s something I really want to get off my page since I’m a desperate believe that kink is not a safe place for minors and minors need to stick to school and real world problems or pg+ 13 fanfiction.

I first signed up to AO3 in 2014. Let that sink in. My birthday is 3rd October 2001 (I’m a libra bishes). It was just after my 13th birthday I signed up to AO3 and began writing my first romance fanficitons under the name Shellberry WITH THE ABSOLUTE WORST PUNCTUATION AND GRAMMAR.

I began watching porn out of curiosity and discovered hardcore bdsm straight away. (Id like you all to note that I had never really used laptops until this point and time, I had started living with my grandparents at the start of 2013 after I ran away from my abusive household.) I was prone to this shit without guidance or anyone to tell me what I was doing was wrong. I also was told most of my life that I was “mature for my age” and believed that gave me a right to be viewing ‘adult content’. I then realised I loved reading and writing more and more than watching porn.

I came across my first Kidnapping/non-con fic and was blown away by the scariness and creativity in the plot. And I saw that smutty fics were getting a lot of attention in views and comments. As a victim of abuse I YEARNED for praise and attention… I then began a naughty habit of copyright in which I would steal and reword smut stories. One day I copied from a book called Mackenzie’s Mountain (still one of my favourite smutty books hehehe) and yea…. I was called out. It wasn’t long before I deleted my account. By this point it was 2016, I was now calling myself Miss Hush. And the habit vaguely continued, I tried writing the spy type genre with a fanfiction (still in my files) called A Game of Love.

Take note 2016, the presidential election was on. And I come from a incredibly conservative household and even though I lived in Australia….I cringe incredibly hard now….I was happy to call myself a trump supporter (but his propaganda is very convincing for young 14-15 year old me). I am no longer a trump supporter as of early 2020. I really started to talking to other people and realising that oh my god I’m a sheltered country mouse without realising it. Where does this play? Well I have been a Christian by choice since I was nine years old….and in 2016 I felt that writing fanfictions were dirty and wrong and if I continued to watch porn or think too sexually before marriage, I would be going to hell…. SO my writing floundered a lot and I couldn’t keep up with my updating promises. It continued to be like this until I gave up in 2018, I stopped writing for a very very, very long time…and then I confessed to a adult smut writer my true age and they were quick to explain to me what I was doing was wrong and needed to be rethought out. SO I deleted my account again.

2019 I came back but organised and under the name Milky Maid no more editing and claiming peoples fanfictions. I was still a minor, aged 17. I vaguely held that “Im told im mature its ok” mentality in my head. I started Yo hoe ho and A Lesson In service, both with girls around 16-19 (I need to recheck their ages).

I’m taking those fics down btw because they need editing and I just don’t feel comfortable with the way I left hem uncompleted.

The year is 2021, I am now 19 and I have upbranded myself to Milky Maid Library. So why am I confessing all of this?

Because of shame. I feel terrible that for so long I’ve lied or made myself appear innocent? I think a apology is due to every adult that I lied to back in the day (what’s ironic is I would say “I’m 19” but now I am actually 19 which is crazy and makes me feel old and embarrassed of kid me). I am sorry to you all, I am sorry to those who I stole from…not that I actually remember the names which could be seen as worse. I am sorry that I attempt to be a high and mighty wise woman when I have coincidentally been in the spot of those I disapprove of. I am ashamed I didn’t stop and live my life appropriately. I am sorry that I gave false hope to readers that didn’t realise I was writing porn and essays at the same time.

I need to make this clear, I don’t believe minors should interact with adults. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from entering this realm too early. I am sorry I did this. I hope I didn’t hurt anyone, but I could have possibly.

I will be sending this post to those who I remember talking too. This needs to be confronted, I want to make amends….lol look at me being Bucky…

Thankyou to all that have read this post, I will not be surprised of have any ill feelings to those who want to unfollow, comment/reply critiquing my choices.

[alcalavicci]

1988 interview with Dean. This is a really good one and helps bring more of his life into perspective. Note: the newspaper originally censored his swearing, but I’ve put it back.

Guthman, Edward. "Dean Stockwell: Third Time's a Charm." The San Francisco Examiner (San Francisco, California), August 14, 1988.

“Six years ago, Dean Stockwell's acting career had turned to dust. Reduced to playing parts in unreleasable, made-in-Mexico movies that now make him cringe, Stockwell decided to chuck it all and get out of Hollywood.

“Along with his second wife, Joy, Stockwell moved to Santa Fe, settled down under the wide New Mexico sky and applied for a real estate license. He even placed an ad in Daily Variety to announce his exile: 'Dean Stockwell will help you with all your real estate needs in the new center of creative energy.'

“Stockwell never sold a house; he didn't need to. Instead, almost as soon as he'd relocated, things started happening to the former 1940s child star. It began with a small part in David Lynch's 'Dune,' and escalated with an important supporting role in Wim Wenders' highly regarded 'Paris, Texas.'

“Moving back to California to cash in on his fortune, Stockwell acted in 'Beverly Hills Cop II,' 'Gardens of Stone,' and 'To Live and Die in L.A.' He also played a cameo role, as Howard Hughes, in the newly released 'Tucker: The Man and His Dream.' And in 'Blue Velvet,' David Lynch's American nightmare, he delivered a chilling cameo as Ben, a waxlike, sexually ambiguous drug dealer.

“And now, at 52, Stockwell says he's found 'the favorite role I've had, by far.'

“The picture is 'Married to the Mob,' a dark, romantic comedy by Jonathan Demme ('Melvin and Howard,' 'Stop Making Sense') and Stockwell plays Mafia don Tony 'the Tiger' Russo. Wearing an Al Capone fedora and full-length vicuna coat, Tony is a rich, sardonic, larger-than-life character -- the kind Stockwell has never had a chance to play until now.

“Opening Friday at the Galaxy and UA the Movies, 'Married to the Mob' has been touted as Demme's first shot at a genuine box-office winner. Set in Long Island, New Jersey and Florida, it stars Michelle Pfeiffer as Angela DeMarco, a young Mafia wife who tries to start a new life when her husband, Frankie 'the Cucumber' DeMarco, is pumped full of lead during a hot-tub tryst at the Fantasia Motel.

“When Stockwell's character isn't ordering hits, drug deals and the dumping of toxic waste, he's lusting assiduously after the gorgeous widow. Meanwhile, bumbling FBI agent Mike Downey (played by Matthew Modine) is jumping through hoops trying to shadow Angela and 'catch Tony with his pants down.' Instead, he falls in love with Angela.

“During a recent luncheon interview, not far from his central California home, Stockwell spoke about the film, about his new happiness as the father of two children and about the bizarre trajectory of his long career. Dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and slacks, wearing a Panama hat and drawing first on a cigaret, later on a cigar, Stockwell emanates prosperity and calm.

“'I don't know why I was unemployed so long,' he says, reflecting on a fallow period that started in the '60s and lasted the better part of two decades. 'The only thing I can figure out in my own mind is that, for some reason or another, I was being made to wait until a certain time in my life when my talent would reach its full maturity and fruition.'

“Ironically, he says, he felt just as equipped 10 years ago to do the work he's doing now -- 'only I couldn't get fucking arrested.'

“Today, Stockwell sees harmony in the fact that his new success coincides with the arrival of two children. His son, Austin, will be 5 in November, and his daughter, Sophia, turns 3 this month. Inordinately proud and protective, he refuses to allow his children to be photographed, and also requests that the town in which he and his family reside not be named. (There were no children from his first marriage, to Millie Perkins, which lasted from 1960 to 1962.)

“'I want to make a lot of money and I want to put it away for my children,' he says. To that end, Stockwell has been snapping up job offers. 'A lot of people ask me, "How have you been able to choose these wonderful things you're doing? Have you been very selective?" And I have to tell them, "I haven't been choosing what I'm doing." Things have been coming and I've been accepting virtually anything that's come.'

“Stockwell's ambition is so great that, for the first time in his life, he actively pursues aspects of his career that he once shunned- interviews, for example.

“'My entire motivation in life is my family,' he says. 'I don't need to get an award. I don't need recognition. I've had that already. What I need is to provide. The best way I can provide is to be successful, and the best way I can be successful is to take advantage of all the things at my disposal to achieve that, one of which certainly is press.'

“Take a look at the young Stockwell, specifically the version that emerges from old magazine and newspaper interviews, and you meet another person altogether.

“Robbed of a normal childhood, Stockwell had made 22 films by the time he was 15 -- including 'The Boy with Green Hair,' 'Kim,' 'Anchors Aweigh,' and the Oscar-winning 'Gentleman's Agreement.' Working nonstop, he had a privileged life that millions of children probably envied, but he loathed it nonetheless.

“The son of show-business parents -- his father, Harry Stockwell, was the voice of the Prince in 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,' and his mother, Betty Veronica, was a former stage dancer -- Stockwell made his professional debut at 7. It all happened by a fluke: when Stockwell accompanied his older brother, Guy, on a Broadway audition, the casting director took a liking to both boys, and cast each one. The play, aptly enough, was called 'Innocent Voyage,' and it led to an MGM contract for curly-haired Dean.

“From the beginning, the pressure on young Stockwell was intense. His parents had divorced when he was 6, and when his father defaulted on child-support payments, Dean reluctantly became the family provider. Over a six-year period, he averaged three to four films per year.

“At home, he says, 'There was a lot of friction... I was getting all the attention, but I hated it. [Guy] couldn't appreciate that, because he wasn't getting the attention. He had all these friends, his peer group, that he took for granted. I had none and I resented him for being able to live that way. I was fucking lonely.'

“When he was 13, chained to a seven-year contract, Stockwell was described by one magazine as 'a young rebel who despises acting and resents every moment it takes from his fleeting boyhood.' Many years later, Stockwell told columnist Hedda Hopper, 'Child actors exist in a sort of limbo between childhood and maturity and belong to neither. Adults take them too seriously and other children are either awed or hostile. A child actor can find friends in neither group.'

“Finally, Stockwell fled Hollywood when he was 16. He cut off his curly locks, started using his real name, Robert Stockwell, and for the next five years roamed the country, working menial jobs and disavowing his true identity. 'People that might have known me from seeing my films knew me as a young child,' he remembers. 'Now I was 17 and I wasn't that recognizable.'

“Around the time of his 21st birthday, Stockwell was pushing papers as mail boy to a Manhattan plumbing firm. 'Of all the jobs that I'd had in those intervening years,' he remembers. 'I think I hated that worse than anything. I came to the realization I had no training at anything. My primary education was very skimpy, very poor, and happened under the worst type of conditions. I was literally at the mercy of the world.'

“Most of Stockwell's childhood earnings were squandered by crooked accountants, he says, and he knew that the tiny sum being held in a trust wouldn't last forever. 'So I thought, "What am I gonna do? Well, let's go back and attack this [acting career] again, and see if I can do it a little more on my terms."'

“What followed for Stockwell was a brief but impressive 'second career.' He starred in the 1959 film 'Compulsion,' based on the Leopold-Loeb case of the '20s, and won a joint acting award with Orson Welles and Bradford Dillman at the Cannes Film Festival. He played the lead in the 1960 film of D. H. Lawrence's 'Sons and Lovers,' and in 1962 scored the plum role of Edmund Tyrone in Sidney Lumet's film version of 'Long Day's Journey Into Night,' holding his own alongside Katharine Hepburn, Ralph Richardson and Jason Robards.

“Stockwell was winning the best parts, but found his attention drifting elsewhere. What was happening, he says, were the first signs of the '60s youth revolution. 'It captured my imagination as much as anybody's. And it represented to me -- I can see this in retrospect -- something in childhood that I had missed: the freedom and loving being alive, without responsibilities and work and having to report to the studio every day, and deal with fans and interviews and shit that I hated when I was a kid.'

“So Stockwell called his agent, said, 'I'm not workin',' and dropped out once again. When he tried to come back three years later, though, 'I found it very difficult, 'cause I'd been out-of-sight, out-of-mind.' What followed was a long period of marginal employment: He found some TV work, took parts in low-budget trash ('The Dunwich Horror') and occasional oddities (Dennis Hopper's 'The Last Movie') and co-directed a film with musician Neil Young ('Human Highway') but often just didn't work at all. At one point, he went 18 months without a job.

“Today, along with his buddy Hopper, Stockwell is enjoying a major career renaissance. And with his starring role in 'Married to the Mob,' he says, he's never felt more confident.

“'I knew before I started the film that this character was going to work in spades,' he says, adding that Demme, as director, deserves credit for taking a risk with such offbeat casting. Instead of picking Peter Falk, Vincent Gardenia or another ethnically identified actor to play the Mafia don, he went with Stockwell (who is actually half-Italian on his mother's side).

“Demme's inspiration occurred on a flight from Los Angeles to New York, when he opened a copy of the Hollywood Reporter. Stockwell had just changed agents, and in order to announce the fact, had taken out a full-page ad. Demme saw the picture, and instantly recognized his Tony.

“Weirdly enough, Stockwell made another film immediately prior to 'Married to the Mob': a Canadian feature called 'Palais Royale,' due for an October release, in which he plays a character almost identical to Tony Russo.

“'It's very curious,' he says. 'For all my years I'd never had a role like this come my way, and here it was twice. The Mafia don in New York, the Mafia don in Toronto, both of them colorful and charming and also threatening. And I just thought, "What am I gonna do? It's the same character." So I decided to do the same character in both those movies.'

“To take the coincidence 'one nauseating step further,' Stockwell says he's also got a part in the recently completed 'Backtrack,' Hopper's next film. This time he plays a corrupt mob lawyer, dropping the Italian accent for a generalized East Coast sound.

“It would be difficult to find a film actor who's busier than Stockwell at this moment. And it would be difficult to find anyone whose job history better illustrates the vicissitudes, serendipities and insecurity of a Hollywood career.

“Looking back on his misfortunes -- at the career that he was forced to accept as a child, and the humiliation he felt when he couldn't maintain it as an adult -- Stockwell says he's not bitter. 'When you reach your maturity, I think it behooves you to accept the fact that it's absolutely futile and fruitless even to speculate on changing anything in your life. All you can do is get embittered. So I accept everything that's happened as part of my life, and try to push it in a positive direction from the moment right now.'”

[artificialqueens]

Cause Though the Truth May Vary, This Ship Will Carry (Gigi/Nicky) - Campvanjie

AN: Based on the prompt: “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” - “Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.” A slight AU Gigi/Nicky, little bit of unrequited crushing and a lot of fate, originally posted to my old AO3 account on May 24th, 2020. Edited as well to add non-binary pronouns for Gigi out of drag, as the original used male pronouns. Don’t worry, I’m the original author and only want all of my stories collected under one pen name.

Summary: Nicky and Gigi strike up a friendship online, but just can’t meet until the time’s exactly right.

CW: slight mentions of homophobia.

The sun’s almost setting on an August day when Gigi flicks through the games in their library, bored of sniping enemies from rooftops, set on finding something else that has a competitive mode, kicking underneath the bed to find their headset. It would probably be best to at least try to talk to other people, and maybe even count up all the times people call each other gay without even realizing they’re talking to someone, who’s made sixteen dollars an hour dressing up as a girl and working at the rock climbing wall for all of high school.

There’s gay, and then there’s Gigi Goode; with a closet hanging full of custom couture, not that they’d ever admit to their mom that her work isn’t the worst.

There’s only one player in the team’s group chat, as Gigi adjusts their headset so they can talk into the mic.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hi!”, laughs the voice in his headphones; crackling as Gigi shoots and blows apart a box in the game’s lobby. There’s an accent there he can’t quite place, not that it matters so much, since the guy on the other end easily guides him through the map and even cracks a couple of jokes as one of the other team’s players is booted off a cliff. Maybe he’s Spanish, or Russian, since there are lot of Russian people on the server at this time of almost- night.  

They queue for another round, his player’s character stopping next to a poster of one of the girls in the game.

“I like her, do you?”, he asks, and Gigi cringes a little. Straight guys were fucking exhausting, but this was just embarrassing-

“Like, this coat, with the belt like this, makes her waist look like she is a wasp. The insect, not the white people.”, he keeps talking, and Gigi’s eyes widen a little.

“Yeah, I’d buy those boots.”, they joke, hoping that whoever it is, will take it in stride, and he won’t have to listen to someone who’d been cool for the past half an hour, suddenly start losing their mind over how gay that was to say out loud.

“The boots? I want this hair- I want just Mortal Kombat hair but like this color, and maybe instead of a gun I want the scepter, like Sailor Jupiter. You’ve seen that, yes?”

Gigi blinks a couple of times. He’s serious?

“Like, of course. Yeah.”

“She’s a Mugler bitch. Hm, aren’t you?”, the voice teases on the other end; kicking at one of the boxes in the game.

Gigi is silent, as their queue timer runs out, and their team join another game which is already active when they’re dropped in.

“It’s the Hermes winter collection.”

“What?”

“That jacket is a dupe from the Hermes winter collection. You said Mugler-”, Gigi repeats, blasting through a wall in the game.

“Oh- oh you’re saying- this past winter! Of course! Maybe someone on the design team is also a fan?”

“Maybe.”

The two of them finish the round, and Gigi eagerly hits yes; when a little box pops up to add TheNickyDoll to their friends list.

(Gigi adds him back on Discord, too- because they’re probably not taking the Xbox to college, and then, they can send pictures right away.

He’s not a serial killer, and he’s cute.

Gigi can’t help but wonder if Nicky thinks the same of them.)

They slowly knit together in between Gigi’s first semester, and when Nicky moves into a new apartment in the eleventh arrondissement in Paris, and pops a bottle of champagne against his camera on his phone, propped up in his new kitchen. He plays with the zipper on his hoodie, and Gigi still can’t help but be surprised with how simple his wardrobe is.

Gigi spends hours carefully curating their wardrobe, though they supposed in Europe, there were just better pickings.

“Don’t you have friends?”, Gigi jokes, shirtless against the white brick walls of their dorm.

“Everyone will be over later, but I just wanted to do a toast for your timezone. It will be like three am for you when everyone else gets off work.”

“So this is a private party? Well… okay let me get my card.”

“Seriously? Not that kind of party!”

“Didn’t say it was. Congratulations, by the way. I got you something! Well like, I found it, and it’s so you-“

Gigi flicks the camera to face forwards, swinging to a painting hanging in the closet.

“Aw, well you didn’t have to- what the fuck is that?”

“Putin! I painted him in like the eighth grade. My mom was dropping off some stuff last weekend and I can mail him-“

Nicky’s eyebrows shoot up, pots and pans clattering on the other end of the line.

“Bitch, I am trying to not be the victim of a hate crime.”

Gigi laughs a little bit, flipping the camera back to focus on their face.

“I never asked, what do you even do?”

“What?”

“Like you- you have a job right? What’s your job?”

“Ah, I’m working, well I worked at a makeup store, but now I have some contracts, and maybe, you know- this neighborhood is where all the bars and the clubs are. If there’s no work on the runways maybe some will be looking for new girls.”

Gigi’s cheeks run hot for a moment.

“Wait, you- you’re a girl?”, they ask weakly, hoping it won’t absolutely ruin their entire… whatever it is, when you’d rather have a private housewarming alone in bed, than pretend to enjoy the beers that are flowing through the rest of the hall downstairs.

“Only when I’m being paid. Do you know- well, you have to in America you have RuPaul’s show- it’s like that-“

“You do drag? Wait, really?”

“Shhhh.”, he stops them, pressing a finger between his lips. “It’s like, I haven’t got any bookings yet but some of the clubs are interested- some of the parties, too. I can be a bottle girl.”

Gigi simply blinks repeatedly in the screen.

“What- is that too gay? I thought we were both pretty gay.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Hey-“, Gigi keeps the camera on their face, their eyes flicking up towards the naked mannequin resting against the closet door. Most of Gigi’s things were still at home, but there was a black feathered swimsuit they’d been working on- if they took out the waist just a bit-

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Wow, we are getting deep in, Dr Phil.”

“Seriously, what is it?”

“I’m feeling pink recently. Usually just- something simple. Blue. Black. It’s soothing.”

“Black is not a color.”  

“Then it’s my favorite not-color.” Nicky pours from the bottle into a flute on her counter. “Get something to drink, come on.”

“Uh-“

“Doesn’t matter what. Come on!”

Gigi reaches for Red Bull, yesterday’s alcohol mixed into it, tangy and stale in the metal can.

“Okay.”

“Pace a Salute!”, Nicky cheers, and they clink their drinks against the camera.

-

Two months later, there’s a wrapped package on his stoop, covered in foreign postage, wet at the edges like it’s been through- what Americans would call the ringer, the labels so scratched over he can barely make out the return address, when he cuts the cardboard open on his kitchen counter.

If this was that stupid Putin painting, he was deleting Gigi from his entire life-

Inside, is fabric folded in paper, a little cloth ribbon tied around where a card is tucked in.

“I dont know what your actual skin tone is because you need better lights but merry Christmas if it doesn’t fit or doesn’t match sell it on eBay and get better lights”,

Gigi has written, in neat, large letters.

Nicky carefully unfurls the rest of it, and there’s a blue and pink bodysuit inside, accented with green and yellow panels that glitter like the facets of a diamond, and a yellow jacket, the bottom cut off just below the ribs, hemmed in thick stitches so the fabric won’t roll up.

Had Gigi gone and had this made? Or was it off the rack?, he wondered, digging for price tags and labels in the fabric.

Nothing.

Shit.

He fires off a message to Gigi, who is still showing as offline, given it’s probably six in the morning where he is.

14:17

-

How much is this “gift” you got me? Wtf…

FaceTime me later.

There’s predictably no response, and that night; he paints carefully in the mirror in his bedroom, laying out the little black dress he had chosen for the performance on his bed.

At the very last minute though, it’s that little suit from Gigi that wins out, nude panels sliding over his tights as he shimmies in front of the mirror.

It’s not perfect, but it all looks very nice.

When later comes, Gigi is wearing a red wig with blonde streaks that she runs her long fingers through, winking at the camera.

“My mom’s actually a professional seamstress. It didn’t cost anything, babe.”, she says with a little shrug, a tight yellow dress barely moving around his shoulders. There’s always a party here; and Gigi can’t imagine hating it more, the little college town bigger than he was used to, and yet still- too small for what she really wanted.

“If you want other stuff, I’ll send it. There’s lots of stuff that I don’t really wear anymore and we kind of have the same style. It’s not like anyone can say anything, then they’d have to admit they’ve seen me out in public. Or I could even make you something, I’m bored all the time.”

“Why are you doing this?”, Nicky asks.

“I dunno. It’s not like you’re my competition. You’re my friend.”

19:41

-

Anyway, I’m dropping out of school, getting a nose job and moving out to LA.

Gigi types out on their phone, underneath the table at their family’s annual thanksgiving dinner.

19:41

-

Maybe not all at once.

Nicky’s reply comes lightning fast- making Gigi grin.

“Are you seriously getting nudes right now?”, one of their brothers asks, and their mother glares at the both of them over the table.

“I’m getting some new sketches from my atlier in Paris.”, they seethe, glancing back down at the floor. Nicky’s been trying to teach him French, like it’s something that occupies them so that Gigi doesn’t implode; in between sending him links to his favorite shows to watch, and YouTube links to makeup tutorials.

(He still hasn’t figured out if Nicky means it; or if he’s trying to be shady, and just doesn’t know how.)

“Atlier is where you get the clothes made, dumbass. Mom’s sewing room isn’t Paris.”

“Shut up!”

“All of you just stop-”

19:43

-

It’s a hard time in life in general.

Try not to listen so much to those voices in your head.

Nicky’s text pops up with a loud, mechanical pinging noise, three dots still hovering under the message as Gigi forces looks up from the screen and glowers across the table as they reach for more baby carrots.

19:43

-

Make mistakes, but not too many, haha. You’ll figure it out.

If it makes you feel a little bit better, I’m moving to San Fran

19:43

-

What? For real?

Gigi’s nails frantically tap over the screen.

19:45

-

Yes! I bought a ticket.

And my husband called an immigration lawyer, we’re going to get my green card situation set.

“Lawyer-”, Gigi gasps; and their entire family pauses, glancing over the table at them.

“Jesus Christ. You did it, didn’t you? You got arrested your first semester, and you weren’t even gonna tell us-”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”, they snap, flipping the bird at their oldest brother.

“Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.”

Their whole table erupts in a discussion Gigi can’t pay any attention to.

19:50

-

Cool.

That means I get to see you soon.

It’s gonna be great.

They taps ou, and close the app with a smile.

-

They hadn’t known if Nicky even had a boyfriend, not that it mattered; until it did.

Apparently; he had been married, for almost the whole time they had known each other- a blow Gigi hadn’t quite expected, to leave them as breathless as landing in Los Angeles; the shock not setting in, not in full, anyway- until they are standing in a new apartment, looking down at a menu of instructions on how to set up the wifi in the unit, fingers hovering over everyone in contacts.

They can’t call their mom; not this soon, and their brothers would tell her, and the whole plan would crumble; just like everything had with Nicky; whose calls Gigi had declined for the past solid month; the nights they had spent with their phones propped up behind desks and dressing room mirrors fading into something beyond memory; that they refused to think about any more than they had to, the messages asking if they’re alright answered in curt, short replies.

How could they have been so stupid, thinking that they were talking-talking, teasing that Nicky and they were friends; when Gigi didn’t even know what his real name was.

(Unless it was Nicky?)

Shit.

Gigi waits for their phone to load into the app, and refreshes the friends list a couple of times, until they can see Nicky’s icon at the top, the side of the circle cut through with a little green dot, and taps twice to start a call.

“Hi?”

Nicky’s greeting floats in the air, between a breath and utter silence before Gigi swallows their pride, pressing the phone to the side of their face.

“What do you know about connecting a router to a tower if I live on the…um third floor?”

The line crackles, but soon there’s a tiny, familiar chuckle. “First of all, that is not how you do any of that-”

They talk a little more, every day; in between, Nicky moves to New York and Gigi cuts a tape that they put in the mail with a wink. They’re due for a visit home soon, and carefully proposes- maybe it’s time they meet Nicky. New York isn’t far at all, and a layover would make for a cheaper flight, anyway.

-

Their plans stack up in hours of calls; and Gigi think they’re almost back to normal. Until, three days before the flight is supposed to leave, there’s a call they had forgotten to wait for, and their fingers hover over the message box below Nicky’s name, vibrating with anxiety and excitement all at once.

09:22

-

Hey. I had a family thing come up.

Gigi types, and then erases the text, steeling themselves as they taps out another one that makes a little more sense, and doesn’t seem like such a lie.

09:30

-

I’m so so so so sorry about this

I had some things come up and my trip fell through.

They send this instead, surprised to see Nicky start typing back immediately.

09:35

-

You’re not going to believe this

I have some work things that started recently and so it would have been really shitty to have a guest over now.

09:35

-

No way!

09:37

-

Yeah. :(( But we’re gonna hang out someday, I swear!

09:37

-

Dont worry! You’re definitely gonna see me.

Real real real soon!

-

“-Where do I go?”, Gigi asks, pulling at the bottom hem of the ornate jacket she wore, fiddling with the gold telescope in her hands. The lights behind the set burned brightly, making the thicker bottoms of the outfit feel much warmer than he had remembered them being.

“Go to that green square on the ground, and wait there, when you see the little arrow light up, you can enter the Werk Room and then we’ll have you stop inside, get your opening line, and let you see the other girls.”

“Okay.”

He does as he’s told, prancing in and kicking his boots in front of him as the lights move to capture Gigi’s entrance, his head only snapping to the side when given the signal, so he can see the others who are already crowded around the pink tables he’s only dreamed of seeing for so long.

“Holy Shit…Nicky?!”

In reality; Gigi can see far more of the detail of Nicky’s face; of her eyebrows and carefully painted cheeks and lashes, of all the effort that they had only really talked about, his eternal summer tan and the long fringe of black hair that he’s always nudging across his forehead, or slicked against a beanie, gone behind a platinum blonde veneer that’s so much brighter than Gigi has ever seen. She’s thinner, and taller, careful breaths underneath sequinned shoulder pads, knees knocking together as she gasps.

“Gigi!”

Widow and Crystal glance at each other over the pink table.

“Hold up, you guys know each other?”

In the flesh; Gigi is impossibly small, the sharp angles of her face, and the dark brown hair that sticks up in angles which Nicky traces against the white of his pillows in his bedroom on the screen of his phone in the morning, taped underneath a gold-tipped pirate hat, and lush, wavy curls. She looks like a model on the runways where Nicky used to work; so close to him that he can feel Gigi’s breath on the back of his hand, as he tightens his grip around the epaulets on her shoulder.

“Gigi Goode.”, she repeats, and Gigi giggles a little at that.

“The Nicky Doll.”, she laughs, and her voice sounds so much more solid, than it ever has over every crossed wire.

Gigi’s hand swings, squeezing Nicky’s tightly as they swing around the table; like the others who are there don’t matter at all. She rests her head on Nicky’s padded shoulder, cocking it just slightly, waiting there, as Crystal’s eyes flash at the scene before them.

“…and may the best woman win.”, Gigi whispers, only for Nicky to hear.

[rivetgoth]

I had this friend I met in the Hetalia fandom in like 8th-9th grade who was like, a lot older than me (I was like 12-13 when we met and she was like 17 or so), and we were REALLY close for a really long time, we'd talk and call every day and it got to a point where she was really dependent on me in this awful way where she would like constantly threaten suicide if I didn't answer her texts fast enough and shit like that. She was really rich cuz her dad was a doctor and one time she bought me an entire fucking Xbox One (I did not ask for it like... I'd always been a PlayStation gamer LOL) because she didn't have anyone to play Halo with her. My family still has it and uses it as a DVD player/Netflix machine.

Anyway the really batshit thing about this person (BESIDES the fact that she was like, definitely a pedophile who loved shota and frequently sexted me after she'd turned 18+ and I was like 14 and she also had both a bestiality and incest fetish that she'd talk to me about constantly — I was a kid I had no moral concept of anything and just liked being edgy and feeling mature) was that she was like. A chronic liar who constantly faked identities. And for years after cutting off contact with her I would look back and realize that she had faked even more than I had noticed at the time. The thing is, I knew for sure she wasn't lying about her home life -- Her address, what she looked like, her dad's profession, her age, her house, her pets, etc, were all things I had proof of. But when I knew her she was constantly remaking her Tumblr to escape drama she'd start, and she would constantly make side blogs under pseudonyms and pretend it wasn't her (sometimes it would be random shit like aesthetic blogs under different names or ask blogs for characters or smthn, other times it was like, callout blogs for people she had gotten into drama with where she would pretend to be someone else defending her). I assumed back then that I was always going to be in on it, because she would always tell me whenever she made one of these fake accounts, and sometimes she would encourage me to make a new account too as a sort of roleplay thing where we both pretended to be people we weren't... Until I learned that she wasn't always telling me. Every so often, I would become mutuals with a new account who would start messaging me about my interests and strike a conversation with me. Then something would slip and my "new mutual" would admit that they had actually been my friend all along... Which should have made me immediately cut contact because that's weird as shit, but I was young and she was a close friend, so I would just sorta accept it.

She ended up being like, horrifically transphobic. She got run off her blog twice for being specifically transmisogynistic, first insisting that she was allowed to headcanon canon trans women as feminine men and then on her next blog insisting that lesbians couldn't be attracted to trans women. I was still young and closeted and she was one of my closest friends and was constantly messaging me that the situation was making her suicidal and she was just wording things wrong and totally supported trans people and people just weren’t giving her the benefit of the doubt and she was still learning so I tried to just stay out of it without losing her. Then... I came out as trans lol. She stopped replying to me when I first came out and then made a bunch of vents on her tumblr about how much it upset her and about how “using he/him pronouns for AFAB people is triggering” for whatever fucking reason. She told me her “best IRL friend” who she had introduced me to once on Skype but who never logged in again after and who refused to ever do a group call or anything (definitely another fake account) said that it was irrational for me to expect my friends to respect my pronouns so soon after coming out and that I shouldn’t be upset if I get misgendered. Then she apologized but told me my name and pronouns would never fit me. As you can imagine, as a little baby trans kid who was closeted from my family and terrified of even having come to terms with being trans, I didn’t really have a great defense.

Soon she started being really woke like 2014 style Tumblr SJW to save face, she came out as nonbinary and told me in private it was because she felt bad when people called her cis during discourse (she absolutely wasn't nonbinary) and she coined a "new sexuality" that was "attraction only to people you perceive as feminine, regardless of how they identify" -- what this actually meant was "attraction to cis women and not trans women." She ran an aroace help blog despite not being aroace? And made a bunch of pride flags that I still see around sometimes to this day. She would start fights a lot and try to out-woke people and got into a bunch of drama with other SJW types of the day, got into a bunch of drama with TumblrInAction and Mogai-Watch and shit like that, and she claimed for a short while that she had a headmate (FWIW I totally believe DID is a legitimate thing but like. Trust me on this one.) who was transphobic and that it made her so sad, she told me that it was actually that headmate that had been transphobic before, and every so often her headmate would front out of nowhere and misgender me and use really abusive language like calling me a cunt or a bitch or whatever. She started making these "intersex nonbinary" OCs who she would constantly make porn of under the guise that they were representation for LGBT people who were just like, extremely fetishistic cuntboys and dickgirls (they were “intersex” to explain why they could be “girls with natal penises” or “boys with natal vaginas”).

At that same time, she somehow always managed to have these random, very sporadically active trans women mutuals who were apparently amazing friends of hers, who shared some interests with her but also would defend her when people brought up her past, with these long-winded “Well, I’m a trans woman and I think what she said is perfectly justified and everyone makes mistakes and she’s always been a good ally!!” Then one day some trans woman received an ask from her account where she claimed to be a “black trans woman” (she was, of course, a white cis woman) and she freaked out and claimed she had “been hacked by TiA or 4Chan to make her look bad” — I realize now she had just been sending anon messages pretending to be things she wasn’t and forgot to hit anon LOL. Late in all of this she also got into a bunch of hot water for being really antisemitic and saying she didn’t trust Jewish people because they were just like Christians and like, 5 seconds later she came out as Jewish and wrote this whole long sad vent about how she had had internalized antisemitism and then started going by a random Hebrew name LMAO.

In the end the final breaking point was when I found her secret TERF blog, where she had been making posts for months about how trans men are just insecure women who are trying to escape misogyny by stepping on the backs of “fellow women” and using me as a fucking example, and also saying that me not coming out as a trans man had been “basically rape” since she had been SEXTING me when she was 18+ and I was 13-14+ and that it was traumatic to know someone she had trusted was secretly identifying as a man LMAO. She was also obviously saying all sorts of transmisogynistic things, but also had these really bizarre fetish posts about wanting trans women to fuck her...? I confronted her about it and she literally fucking out of nowhere told me that she was in the emergency room with a mysterious illness that might kill her and she was allowed to have her phone but due to privacy laws couldn’t send a picture as proof. While “in the hospital” she deleted the TERF blog and her personal blog. I had known her for literal YEARS at this point (we had met when I was 12-13 or so and by the time we no longer spoke I was a few months from 17), and I was completely stunned to fucking hear this person trying to pull “I’m in the hospital with a deadly disease” at being confronted for some shit like that LMAO. I made a post about it on my public and another “trans woman friend” of hers logged in to vehemently defend her by saying that there’s nothing wrong with AFAB women being untrusting of trans people because female oppression is uniquely traumatic and that there’s nothing wrong with women expressing their sexuality by sexting minors as long as the minor consents and that I was the real predator for “hiding that I was a man” (remember, I’d been a 13 year old closeted trans boy), before never logging in again... 😭 One of the last times we ever talked was when she demanded I refund her for the fucking Xbox and I refused.

Anyway, the long-term aftermath of that is that a few people online (in some random cringe areas of the internet) who archived some of her antics still think that I also wasn’t a real person, since they caught onto how much she lied about too, so they think I was also a sock puppet and I have no interest in clarifying and making myself known to those people LOL. I have no fucking idea where she is now, she deactivated everything after her being a TERF came out. There’s like, so much more to that I could say because I knew her for YEARS and, like I said, she was one of my “closest friends.” Her parents had wildly expensive pure bred designer dogs that she would make Vines of. She wrote Beatles real person fan fiction. For her birthday one year I made her a shirt on Zazzle with an inside joke about one of her OCs... does she still have that? Either way, she was easily the most batshit person I’ve ever known closely online and I will forever associate the Hetalia fandom with people like that.

[our-kendrick]

'Painful at times': Anna Kendrick on delving into her 'love life' in new series

© Jenny Cooney

Read here, or below.

Anna Kendrick is facing a conundrum. And it’s one that has left the 34-year-old actor uncharacteristically tongue-tied as she sits in her LA home in isolation, talking over Zoom about Love Life, her first television series.

Looking much the same way she describes herself to her 7.3 million Twitter followers – “pale, awkward and very, very small” – she is no stranger to self-deprecating humour, as a recent tweet suggests: “I guess I’ll never be able to lie to myself again about all the shit I would do if I just had the time.”

But the petite, Oscar-nominated star of Up in the Air and the Pitch Perfect franchise is also notoriously protective of her personal life and has never confirmed she’s even dating cinematographer Ben Richardson, whom she reportedly met while making the 2013 indie film Drinking Buddies.

Which brings us to the question that’s just brought the conversation to a halt: how can she talk about her romantic-comedy series without talking about her own love life? “Well, as far as keeping it private, it isn’t easy, as you are proving right now,” she responds. “But that’s just always how it’s been for me.”

With that awkward moment over, Anna returns to her chatty self as we talk about her other Love Life, the Stan anthology series. Anna’s character, Darby, a museum tour guide, is the subject of the first 10-episode season as we follow her relationships from first love to lasting love via everything in between.

“The real arc that we wanted was to show how we learn from each relationship,” she says. “Even though our relationships end, it doesn’t mean they are complete failures. People come into your life and you grow and they change you and what you learn from them might be really positive or it might be negative.”

The series shares DNA with Sex and the City and Girls as we watch a group of friends clumsily navigating the messy reality of pairing up. “It was painful at times and I cringed at the way that I, and so many women that I know, dated guys in our early 20s – the way we were so awkward and needy and clingy,” Anna says.

“Looking back now, it’s like, ‘Oh god, I acted like such a jerk in that relationship.’ Or all the times I didn’t feel strong enough to say, ‘You can’t speak to me that way.’ I’m just so happy that I’m clearer now about what I will accept from people in my life.”

As Anna grows more relaxed, we circle back to the dating themes of the show and how they resonated in her life. “When I was maybe 14 or 15, somebody gave me this specific example, that if you’re ever in a car with a guy, and he’s driving, and as a joke he lets go of the wheel and makes you grab it, that is not a guy you want to be with,” she recalls.

“He might say, ‘Hey, I’m just joking, why are you being so sensitive?’ But really, he’s testing your boundaries and what you’re willing to put up with and trying to make you uncomfortable."

“It sounds silly, but I dated a guy when I was 19 who tickled me all the time and I don’t like being tickled, because it makes me claustrophobic. So I kept saying, ‘This is a problem for me. Please don’t do it.’ "

“But he kept doing it and I thought, ‘He’s the guy with the steering wheel!’ So, I broke up with him and he told everyone it was because he tickled me. I was like, ‘No, dude, I broke up with you because you didn’t respect me!’ ”

Anna Kendrick grew up in the sleepy US East Coast town of Portland, Maine, the daughter of a history teacher and an accountant. At age six she scored the lead role in a community-theatre production of Annie. By 10, she was insisting her parents make the five-hour drive into New York City for stage auditions. And at 12 she scored a Tony nomination in the Broadway musical High Society.

Eventually, the fresh-faced brunette with big blue eyes transitioned into films, including the four Twilight Saga movies (2009-12). She has also put her theatrical roots to good use in musical films, including Stephen Sondheim’s Into the Woods (2014) and the 2016 animated film Trolls, including eight songs on the soundtrack.

Love Life also implies sex life, although Anna says she really hadn’t thought that through when she first signed on. “When we started filming, it dawned on me that in every single episode I was going to be doing a kissing scene or a sex scene with someone brand new,” she says, rolling her eyes. “It was definitely weird to know that we were going to meet and within a week we were going to be in bed pretending to have sex!”

That doesn’t mean, however, she’ll be going the full Kim Cattrall or Lena Dunham on the show. “My personal feelings on nudity – that I’m not really interested in nudity for me – stayed the same. I’ve never had a problem with simulated sex scenes – that feels like it’s about the character, whereas I only get one body, so nudity is more about me.”

Anna’s on a roll with this new screen persona, recently playing a woman who falls for a talking sex doll in the quirky, bite-sized series Dummy, available on the Quibi streaming platform.

“That gave me a new appreciation for people who are owners of sex dolls because it turns out that a sex doll is really heavy lifting, so there’s a certain level of commitment,” she says in typically deadpan manner.

“I have no judgment and I seriously tip my cap to those people,” she adds, grinning. “But the creator and director of Dummy, Tricia Brock, also directed an episode of Love Life where Darby uses a sex toy and I said, ‘Tricia, do you just like to have me doing something gross every time we work together?’ ”

As video chats become more the norm, stars are often sharing intimate glimpses into their homes. Not Anna, who is sitting in front of a blank white wall looking surprisingly glammed up thanks to a good blow-dry, immaculate make-up and a pretty floral dress.

“I could say I’ve been exercising every day and cooking,” she says, “but there’s definitely been days where I feel helpless because there’s something really terrible happening out there and I’m powerless to change it.”

For now, she’s happy to use Zoom to keep her loved ones close. “Twice a week I do family movie nights – my parents are in Maine and my brother is in New York – and we pick a movie like Robert Redford’s The Natural or The Princess Bride and all press play at the same time. We’re all texting each other during the movie, which normally would be a no-no, but under these circumstances it’s really sweet.”

That also applies to many of her co-stars. “In the last couple of weeks, I was on a Zoom call with some of the girls from Pitch Perfect [including Rebel Wilson and Anna Camp] and we were talking about when you get in fights with friends, how it’s the worst.

“I said, ‘If you just text me first to warn me you’re mad before you call, that would be great.’ And those girls were like, ‘What? We’re not going to get into a fight!’ I met them when we were around 25 and now we’re talking about being friends until we’re 80.”

It’s not surprising then, that Anna embraced the episode of Love Life devoted to a potential breakup with Darby’s best friend, Sara (Zoe Chao), instead of a beau. “Sometimes your girlfriends are the great loves of your life and they affect you so much,” she says. “I’m just grateful to have those kinds of relationships, too.”

[lattelesbean003]

1-50 for the asks lmao (if you feel like it, but you don’t have to lskdjfls)

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

I’m lesbian! 🏳️‍🌈

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

Uhh, I’m really into Haikyuu!! again. I’m still kinda obsessed with Marvel though lol.

3. Ever done any drugs?

Only prescribed drugs.

4. What piercings do you want?

Ohh, so many. I want three piercing on the lobes of both my ears and a couple cartridge piercings. I’ve kinda thought about a nose ring? But I’m not sure. As a start though I need to get over my fear of needles and actually get my ears pierced.

5. How many people have you kissed?

None.

6. Describe your dream home.

Okay okay. I want a one or two bedroom apartment in Montreal, Quebec. (NYC would be the dream but hahahhhh way too expensive). The kitchen would have dark cabinets with a white counter top, a nice deep sink with a movable faucet, obviously a dishwash and stove, a pretty big stainless steel fridge, a stainless steel microwave, and a toaster. I’d have a nice, big, comfy couch in the living room. There’d be lots of plants (I love plants), and a little table by a window for a ‘dining’ room. Bedroom would be big enough to fit a double or queen bed. Oh! I’d also have bookcases everywhere cause I love books and manga lol.

7. Who are you jealous of?

There are a few fanfic writers that I’m jealous of just cause they’re really good at writing and my dumbass feels inferior and bad about myself. It’s one of the things I hate about myself. I get insecure wayyy too easily.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

Right now, Haikyuu!!. I binged it pretty quickly and it’s turning into a comfort show for me lol.

9. Do you watch porn?

I have before, but it makes me uncomfortable.

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

I do have a blog that I run that I haven’t told anyone about.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

Florence, Italy. I wanna go back so baddd.

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

Living a good and happy life and not feeling insecure about literally everything

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

No I wouldn’t. Exposing my chest to anyone makes me very uncomfortable. Also, the idea of nipple piercings is very bizarre to me but hey, you do you boo.

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I would buy way too many books and clothes lmao. Also food. If I didn’t set aside some of it for college, I’d spend it on dumb stuff like that.

15. Are you in a relationship?

No, but I wish. I’d love a girlfriend.

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

Nope!

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

I’m not angry with anyone, just feeling insecure about my relationship with a couple people cause my brain is stupid.

18. What tattoos do you want?

I want a full sleeve tattoo! Idk what the art would be, mostly because I haven’t actually thought about it toooo much because tattoos involve needles and pain and those are two of my biggest fears. (Failure takes the number one spot though.)

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Oh uh, idk man. I’ve never thought about it. I’d just stick with Jen.

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

For fandoms, Haikyuu!! right now, but I love sweet things way too much. Also, bread.

21. Describe your best friend.

Tall, adventurous, takes no shit, smart

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

@ms-bookdragon ;)

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

I mostly like specific songs, rather than one artist. Here are my top five at the moment:

Piano Man / Billy Joel

My Love Will Never Die / AG, Claire Wyndham

Toss a Coin to Your Witcher / Samual Kim, Black Gryphon (I like the remix more than the original)

Dance Monkey / Tones and I

The Sound of Silence / Disturbed

24. What are three places you want to travel?

I really want to go to Quebec (and I might be able to this summer!!), Japan, and Greece. (I also wanna return to Italy).

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

Sharing lots of laughs with friends.

26. What’s your favorite season?

Spring! I don’t mind winter if it snows, but where I live it mostly rains and it’s annoying lol. We’ve only had like, four dry days since the new year.

27. What’s your pet peeve?

LOUD CHEWING OMG I CAN’T STAND IT. Also when anything scraps against metal. Makes me cringe and tense up like nothing else.

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

A gay guy in my chem class. Also my neighbor. They both have very weird senses of humor but I appreciate them lol.

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

Avengers: Endgame. :3 (I will forever hate that movie lol.)

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

Oh god why you gotta do this to me. @voxofthevoid. Ahh he only knows me from my main not my sideblog. 😭

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paper books don’t hurt my eyes as much. I don’t think I could read a paper version of a fanfic though.

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Oh oof, uhh none of them? They’re all kinda shitty worlds lol. 

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

Lots of button-ups and sweaters. Jeans, converse, scarves, nice dresses and skirts. I don’t have a specific wardrobe, I mostly buy whatever catches my eye.

34. What’s your coffee order?

Depends on my mood, but I mostly buy ice caps at Tim Hortons. Sometimes a french vanilla. At proper coffee shops, I buy a latte or mocha. I can’t handle a normal latte yet though, so it’s normally a caramel latte or something. At Starbucks, I typically buy a caramel frappuccino. When it’s cold, a mocha latte. (The peppermint mocha is yummy.)

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Nope, kinda wish I did though. 

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

Nope! I have on ex and mostly avoid him lol.

37. Have any tattoos?

No, but as I mentioned above I’d love a full sleeve tattoo.

38. Do you drink?

Nah, I’m still underage, alcohol is gross, and I’m not popular enough to be invited to parties.

39. Are you a virgin?

Yis. Still haven’t gotten my first kiss too.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

No

41. How many followers do you have?

On this account, tumblr claims 39, but it’s actually 24 lmao. I have a joint account with another person that has over 1000 followers though.

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

She has a long mousy brown hair, a bunch of ear piercings, really adorable dimples, and a very nice smile. I’m like 99% she’s straight though.

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

I indulge too much in junk food. 

44. Do you read erotica?

Yupp. I mean, if you count fanfic with sex in them plus the occasional doujinshi.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

The one date I’ve been on wasn’t too bad, but the dude I went out with thought we were a couple after the one date. I feel kinda bad because I led him on for two weeks, unsure how to break it to him that I discovered I was gay soooo.

46. How many people do you follow?

100, but like over half of them aren’t very active.

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Hmmmmmmm. I don’t have a specific crush on anyone, but maybe Sebastian Stan just cause I wanna be his friend. He’s too old though lol.

48. Describe your ideal partner.

A girl (obviously), who’s could drag me to social events, but also enjoy a quiet night at home. Funny, encouraging/supportive, kind. Also lots of cuddles. I love cuddling and hand holding, plus cheek kisses!! Ahhh

49. Who do you text the most?

Two of my irl friends. They’re both great. I also text the person I have a joint blog with.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

A warm spring day. The sun isn’t too hot, the grass is a lush green, and there’s only a handful of clouds in the sky. On the flip side, if I don’t have to go to school, I love snow. Walking around my neighborhood when it’s totally quiet and peaceful is one of my favorite things to do.

[vrenaewrites]

AFTER by Anna Todd thoughts: Prologue - Ch 50

Full video here.

Originally wattpad fanfic about Harry Styles??????

PROLOGUE:

“I didn't know college would be more than academics”

Confused by (her roommate’s friends) inattention to structure: How fucking lame are you

“And that’s when he crept into my heart” Is he italicized in the books i bet it is

Dude’s name is hardin? More like hard-on amirite

CH 1:

It starts with an alarm going off?!?!?!? Rule number one!!!!!

She spends the prologue telling us she’s been prepping for college all her life and then spends a good half a page telling us that again

“Whatever else teenagers else do, that wasn’t me” We got a mary sue here guys

Razor from the knees down - ok virgin - why was this a detail?

Oh shiiii she got a boyfriend? And his name is NOT hardin guys

She told us multiple times that she prepped for this day forever but also keeps saying she has no idea what to expect...does this take place before the internet? Like...google it??

CH 2:

She just said she saw the school online, like you can find pics of the school but you couldn’t find a single youtube video about “what college is really like” foh

So the mom sits in on orientation but is expected to leave before seeing the dorm room how tf that girl supposed to get all her shit up to the dorm?!?!?! Parents usually help you move in??

So the car was packed FULL of her stuff but then she says she only brought clothes and books and her bf doesn’t have much to carry...so what is the truth?

Oh shit her roommate has tattoos

“Where the dorms are tiny and the parties are huge” and this information is fucking earth shattering to tessa and her mom and not-hardin

CH 3:

Two closets in this tiny dorm room…

“College is not what i expected” you said MULTIPLE TIMES you didn’t know what to expect so what is the truth?!!?!?!?

“Both genders” yikes on bikes

CH 4:

HE HAS A THICK ENGLISH ACCENT goodBYE

“Hardin scott is not my boyfriend” okay, so many things. No one fucking talks like that unless they wanna introduce the full name of the love interest in the clunkiest way

Also HS are his initials goodBYEEEEE

CH 5:

“Destroyed his body with holes and tattoos” omg

CH 6:

Hardin is fucking neg that calls her Teresa when she asks to go by Tessa and as someone who constantly gets called Vicki when I ask to go by Viktoria, I am on her side in this instance and this instance only

CH 7:

She is so upset that someone called her prissy but then she can’t even bring herself to think of what those people are doing in the frat house bedrooms

CH 9:

The word bottom. As in, steph pushed her bottom against a guy as she danced with him...BOTTOM

She’s in a bedroom with her drunk roommate and a really great collection of books and I GUARANTEE this is Hardin’s room

Wuthering heights ffs

KNEW IT

CH 10:

And she’s crying

CH 13:

She introduces herself by her full name and landon does the same whyyyyyy who does this?

He’s a nice kid unlike you - i’m shocked at my harsh words

Am i just a bitch or is she the weakest

So they’re just walking and he screams, “Stop staring at me” out of nowhere and walks away...sounds stable

CH 14:

“Noah is my boyfriend and I would never do anything to hurt him” This is what we call foreshadowing my friends

“A man who is rude an intolerable being made into a romantic hero? It’s ridiculous” hardin

Foreshadowing…

She literally just said her boyfriend is like a little brother…ew

“I’m aware that my hips and breasts are larger than most women my age”...women are fully developed at 18...i don’t understand…

Mary sue shit

CH 15:

“She’s intimidated by you because you’re not like other girls” is that a real thing…

“You look...different” - hardin PUKE

“Are you a virgin?” i puked again

No one seems surprised - bitch you dress like a nun

CH 16:

These chapter breaks make no gd sense

“Hormonal college rock n roll misfits”

Immediately takes a shot of vodka

Hardin looks disappointed that she took a shot because she’s not like other girls…

Slut shaming.com / tessa re: molly

CH 17:

“Sorry if i don’t dress like a slut” no you just wear pleated skirts and khakis like a mormon mother

Hardin doesn’t drink OF COURSE they are sober lil bookworms together

I want to be an author. Of course because she is the mary sue of our generation move over bella swan

She’s drinking again after almost puking

CH 18:

“We don’t need to have sex, we have fun by going to the movies...and going on walks” ON WALKS.

OH SHIIIIIIIII THEY KISSIN

CH 19:

This girl has never been horny before and she cannot cope with the feeling

Am i bad a person for feeling like “Well she already cheated by kissing him, might as well keep kissing him?” like i know that’s wrong but…

CH 20:

Oh my god she’s not telling her boyfriend that she kissed someone else??!?!?

Oh shiii hardin’s in her dorm

HER MOM IS AT THE DOOR

WITH NOAH?!?!?!?!?!

When i say weakass you say bitch

CH 21:

The fork at breakfast reminds her of hardin’s lip ring….

She just called Hardin Mr. Rude. “Mr. struggle” lol anyone else watch Cody Ko??

Noah won’t kiss her in public and she does NOT get horny with him

CH 22:

Pride and prejudice is not a magical book tessa

Landon’s mom and hardin’s dad?! Oh shiiiii

“Are you ocd or something” christ

Literally he’s throwing her notes all over the floor like what a four year old

“Eyes burning into mine” AGAIN

They kissin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh shit they doin MORE than kissing

“You’re so sexy tess” I PUKED

Steph’s eyes are clapping with glee?????

“You could learn a lot from Hardin, like, sexually” - steph

okay………

CH 23:

They’re talking about the use of foreshadowing in pride and prejudice about if you could tell that darcy and elizabeth would end up together…

What kinda hamfisted shit…

And then she and hardin get in a screaming match about their situation but it’s coded in darcy and elizabeth language like come onnnnnnn

So much twilight vibes: “your mood swings give me a headache” “i should stay away from him, i know he’s dangerous” dangerous how? Because he has tattoos?

FIRST FULL BODY CRINGE: “You’re thinking about me and you have that feeling, down there, don’t you, teresa?”

Twilight: “i don’t wanna stay away from you”

CH 24:

“He really is bipolar” dude

She likes bon iver and the fray...of course she does

CH 25:

SHE FOLLOWED THIS STRANGER INTO THE WOODS

No murderino instinct at all

“He must be cold in the warm ass water because he can’t be getting flushed seeing me, a girl he’s made out with multiple times and is obviously attracted to, in nothing but his t-shirt” bitch COME ON

“I’m having real fun, not watching a movie fun”

This is such a dig at noah who she says doesn’t need to fuck her because they watch movies together

SECOND FULL BODY CRINGE: “These lips, the things you could do with them”

THIRD: “Oh Hardin,” I moan and squeeze him with my legs. “I want to make you moan my name over and over again” - hardin

My hormones are out of control - who is thinking about their hormones at this point

FOURTH: She goes to cover up and he’s like don’t ever cover yourself from me, i’ve been with so many girls but none like you

And they’re not gonna do it but “there are many other things he wants to do to her first” and at this point my body is contorted like a jumbo shrimp

FIFTH: The whole fingering scene honestly. Just all of it. He made her towel off with his shirt...am I missing something? She had already put her pants on...what’s the point of that???

SIXTH: “You haven’t said a word to me since” - “since i gave you your first orgasm?”

CH 26:

Wtf is this dude’s problem? She ignores her boyfriend’s call to keep making out with him and he’s like “don’t break up with him on my account, there’s no us going on” like dude y’all just went on a date...so you can keep saying you don’t date...but you just did…

CH 27:

She’s so selfish!!!! Calling Noah because she got rejected by Hardin!!!!!!!! Noah deserves better 2k20

And then she mentions it in front of Hardin to make him jealous WTF

Hardin petty ass Scott says, “noah, that’s a nice cardigan you’re wearing”

Thanks I got it from the gap!!!!!!!11

CH 28:

SEVEN: Tessa wants noah to get her horny so she keeps trying to kiss him and when he won’t let anything happen she stops and he says, “that was nice, tessa”

Tessa takes noah’s car to go help hardin and leaves noah in her dorm room alone when he drove 3 hours to see her!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CH 29:

Hardin toxic asshole Scott threw a hissy fit and tessa comes to save the day

He dresses her little glass cut after telling her she’s pathetic...woof

CH 30:

Holy manipulation station nation

Then he forces himself on her and her dumb bitch ass KISSES HIM!!!!!

BECAUSE HE SAID HE NEEDED HER, THAT’S ALL IT TOOK

Cringe throughout: that she describes his lips as pink. It’s weird as fuck.

EIGHT: “You know who i think you are when you’re with me?” “Who?” “yourself”

CH 31:

NINE: He’s telling her if she says the word he’ll leave her alone: “Tell me teresa,” he coos, and i whimper. “Hardin,” i whisper. WHY?

SHE IS GONNA STAY WITH HARDIN WHILE NOAH IS WAITING FOR HER?!?!?!?!!??!

CH 32:

“I don’t know if it’s his smile or the fact that he’s only in boxers, but I’m in a much better mood than before” you skank ass hoe

TEN: He says her clothes hide how sexy and curvy her body really is. Sexy and curvy. Both.

CH 33:

ELEVEN: “I know this happiness isn’t going to last” - the happiness being her straddling this guy that isn’t her boyfriend - “and i feel like cinderella waiting for the clock to strike midnight”

“I can behave any way i want with hardin tonight, because in the morning i’m going to tell him to leave me alone forever” HUH

TWELVE: I am just as intoxicated by hardin, as hardin is by the bottle of scotch he drank

THIRTEEN: Who is this girl straddling this punk boy and asking to touch him...down there?

CH 34:

FOURTEEN: He says he wants to taste her and this dumb bitch licks her lips like “yeah we been kissing wtf” and he says “no, down there” EW

CH 35:

Noah standing up for himself!!!!!

FIFTEEN: Then he calls them those gothic people...gothic? Not goth. Gothic.

HARDIN DONE BARGED IN!!!!!!

CH 36:

Hardin and Noah about to get into it!

Hardin making tessa be honest with noah OMG THE DRAMA

SIXTEEN: I am a moth to hardin’s flame and he never hesitates to burn me

CH 39:

Tessa gets a makeover to go out with steph and i KNOW she’s gonna see hardin and they’re gonna be inappropriate in public

And hardin is here OF COURSE

Oooh and he’s with molly! Tea

She is a slut - TESSA NO

Chapter 37: hardin will ruin tess if she ever comes around again chapter 39: he’s driving her home and making sure her burger doesn’t have ketchup

CH 40:

Noah will get back with tessa if she promises nothing with happen with hardin and we are only halfway through this book BITCH

CH 41:

Oh he drunk and at tessa’s dorm

This BITCH. JUST. GOT. BACK.TOGETHER. WITH. NOAH. AND. IS. GETTING. IN. BED. WITH. HARDIN. TO. WATCH. A. MOVIE.

CH 42:

He picks her up and forces her to sleep in the bed with him despite her saying no

CH 44:

She admits to herself that sleeping beside hardin is worth losing noah and then is trying to talk herself into believing that noah is hotter than hardin????

“You don’t need makeup” “well i like it” “well you’re bad at it” negging ass

This man at the store says, “hardin?” in an english accent and she’s like “i knew it was his dad” well how many fucking english dudes are in this small washington town my friend

This bitch agrees to go to dinner with hardin’s dad knowing damn well he and his dad are NOT on good terms...she’d be walking home…

CH 45:

And then because he doesn’t wanna go to dinner with his abandoning father, she says she’s gonna go to his dad’s house for dinner with ANOTHER DUDE?!?!?!?!?!?

She ignores noah’s call

It is stressing me tf out that she isn’t calling noah back and is instead getting ready for a date with hardin’s family...this poor cardigan wearing man

CH 46:

I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE FAMILY!!!!!!!! GET BACK TO THE CRINGE NEGGING AND ALMOST-BONING

CH 47:

“He rubs the back of his neck like he always does” - this is the first time he’s done this??

CH 48:

SEVENTEEN: “Oh tessa the things you do to me”

Fingers her without asking?!?!?!?!?!?! She literally says “Without my permission”

CH 49:

She is staying at hardin’s family’s house for the night, asks for her own room because she has a boyfriend - YOU JUST GOT EATEN OUT BY ANOTHER DUDE FIVE MINUTES AGO

~~~~

[miraimisu]

Ask a Writer!

Tagged by the lovely @i-masshiro​, thanks babe! Love you tons, such a sweetheart D’: 

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

It doesn’t mean anything in particular! An old best friend of mine helped me pick it up when I was struggling with new decent nicknames. This is the one I use for all my accounts now.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favorites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)

These Stones We Skip, definitely. It’s got like 90 comments (half of them me responding to those, so it’s narrowed down to 45 haha) +2k hits, 100 kudos more or less, and a bunch of bookmarks! I’m super happy with how the fic is being read and that people like it this much! Also if anyone waiting for an update is reading pls forgive me I’ve been busy I promise I will update pls don’t sue ;;.

3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

Actually, I think all my icons are Uraraka icons, excepting the one I got for FF.net which is actually Asuna from SAO. Last time I updated the page I was heavily into SAO so... pretty self-explanatory. My love for Uraraka needs no explanations either.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I do! And most of them are an incredibly fun bunch of them. Long, usual commenters are my shit, not gonna lie. Although I have lost some of them as my updates have become slower, but I hope they come to read someday.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Not really, unless it’s for some kind of reference. There was this line I hit where my style got smoother and a bit more polished, but from there below it’s kind of rubbish and I can’t read anything. All good things I write I can’t usually read because of self-awareness.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

None and none lmao, I always drop kudos but I don’t think I have ever bookmarked anything, nor subscribed to because I don’t really have much time to check out stuff-- and when I do, I totally binge read it.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Fantasy AU because it’s consumed my life now.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

I got 10 subscriptions on AO3 and 60 bookmarks!

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

I would like to someday find the strength to write something venty someday, as I recently found out I somehow write much better and feel more satisfied when I vent my anger on writing. Something that doesn’t happen really often, but it happens and it’s great therapy!

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Tons of things, most particular. I would like to become less paranoid over people not seeing my scenarios, thus making my style less complex to the untrained eye. Also, fighting scenes make me cringe because I suck so hard at making them depsite having clear pictures in my head /cries. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

I am now very focused on Kacchako and iirc ir used to be a rarepair? but I think it will break out of that zone soon.

12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

3 on AO3, and 31 on FF.net. 

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

Tons of them that sounded great in my head. It’s that small snapping process of realizing a powerful story is too weak to be posten, and kinda let it rest.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I keep them in my head and plan to write them. Only the fantasy AU for kacchako has made it out of my head, lol.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Yes, and it was a wonderful experience.

16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?

Weirdly enough, from DeviantArt! I would usually go there searching for art pieces and found some deep small fics, whose authors would usually have a FF.net account. I only knew of AO3 last year, but I think I read one a bit before that. Not exactly sure when.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?

Not at all, there is too many talented people in this damn kaccha house  (⁎˃ᆺ˂) they are all so good jdskak

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

People usually call me Mira, but use others for Discord. 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Lots of them! Every author that lies in my recs gallery has inspired me in one way or another. Though that place is kinda outdated so I may have to add some more, but all my friends have inspired me overall. They are all wonderful writers and artists and it’s amazing to be so surrounded.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Don’t feel pushed to write queality straightaway, and always read other stuff to build new vocab and structures. Everytime you read, you will most likely learn something new as every author’s view gives you a new perspective on things. I have found it to be a great practice!

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Plot, always. Everytime I am listening to music and come up with a new snippit, I jot it down anywhere I can. Google’s Keep is a pretty nifty tool for this!

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Well, I only got maybe two! One of them was pretty lukewarm and more of an advice that I followed, and it was a good one despite the harshness of it. On the other hand, I got one comment that told me they were giving up on my story because it was too thick style and lore wise, but I didn’t mind at all tbh-- I already knew I was facing these kinds of risks when I started writing long things like these.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Fighting scenes in general kind of take a lot of time for me to work with, and same with some simply dialogue bits that I am like: and what now!? D:

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

My fantasy AU! pls if sb is reading Im sorry I will update soon don’t press charges thank

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I usually jot the deets down and push it aside until I am done with my main thing. It’s probably my best habit when it comes to planning, lol.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Not really. I usually try to plan when I wanna update, divide my chap’s aproximate word count and split it in days!

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Oof, definitely. Mostly because my English has improved along with my writing and that helps. A lot.

28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

I did write one in Spanish that got lots of good feedback and invested readers, and I had a blast writing its lore and characters.

29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

I wrote a pretty dark fic once and it’s a fic I know I wrote well? but I am kinda ashamed of looking back at it.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Maybe working on something that is a little bit more professional, or just enjoying myself. Got no clue tbh.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

I think I can be pretty ominous in some parts and be very subtle with foreshadowing. The art of subtlety is something I worship everyday.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Trying to live up to those little scenes I had in my head, and writing them as good as possible. And description in general, sometimes. And word count consistency is something that worries me sometimes. Oh, and the endless fear of poking a plothole bigger than a damn blackhole.

33. Why do you write?

To make people entertained and happy if they want something to read!

I nominate the great artists and gals @animeniac​, @kacchanswife​, @hondaroo​, @kacchas​ and @liltoothbrush​! If you don’t reply I’ll press charges so hahaha! 

[thatweirdmod]

Beriphitar's Pillage 4: New Man

Beriphitar's Pillage Chapter Four

"Oh I'm a mess right now- inside out. Searching for a sweet surrender, but this is not the end. I can't work it out. How?"

Sorry, Ed, but thanks for Sheeran your lyrics.

My teeth are grit both against the cold, and in rage. I have thousands of dollars, and more gold than the bums around me have ever seen in person. However, I can't even use it to buy a warm bed for the night for fear  of being noted or tracked.

No, instead I'm hiding under a highway bridge  with the homeless- broke-legged rats on the outskirts of society's race.

I have fond memories of before, when I went out with a couple of buddies and we terrorized these types of tattered skin bags with baseball bats, piss, and spiked drugs. Imagine how; it doesn’t take much.

Now, I'm among their numbers. I sit with my legs tucked to my chest, and the hood of my thick brown hoodie covering my lowered head.

There are some guys around the corner that I don't trust. I'm waiting for them to leave  before I settle in to sleep. The car would be safer, but in the movies at least, I see lawmen checking on people in their cars late at night too often.

My cushion is a plush sleeping bag that I gave 15 dollars to a toothless brown woman to go and pick up for me.

I said I’d add another 5 to fuck her, but she got all pissy and started going, “No no no, don’t disrespect me. I don’t do that kind of thing.” The stupid bitch was almost too upset to even get the sleeping bag- made me cajole her.

At least it all worked out, because my first night in the elements without the bag was... well  it would be weird to say "hellish", but it damn well sucked.

The teeth of the cold bit away the few moments of gentle peace that I'm usually allowed per day in sleep. Shivering on the bare concrete and clutching myself like a long lost lover, I could barely even feel the sweater on  my skin. Before, I'd thought that teeth only chattered for expression in books and comics.

If you’re wondering why I was freezing, then wasting time begging a sour old street rat to run an errand for me, it’s because I don't go into stores to buy anything anymore. Every interaction puts me at risk of being reported.

I won't put too much faith in my new beard's ability to  disguise me. Besides, I can usually convince other homeless to run  errands, and even to pump my gas into containers and bring it to me.

The gun I bought from one of the hidden street vendors helps to insure that they think twice before trying to cheat me, or trying to jump me and steal my stash. After that, they must at least suspect that I'm a criminal.

However, when it comes down to passing up honor, or passing up the money to buy basic necessities and/or drugs, they always choose the former.

The kind of pleasure that honor gives you comes from within, in your mind and heart. Life has given these people so much torment that they find it best to kill the parts of them that feel and think with drugs and alcohol.

They are base, without hope and future, living in the immediate and the material, and chasing the pleasures thereof. So of course they would choose the former.

I change spots regularly, however, so that I don't start getting a reputation as the loaded guy who hangs around such and such area. Groups might catch wind and gang up to split my wig and my wealth then.

As you  may have gathered, I'm even farther north than before. I'm actually farther than I intended to go before.

I am a rich, wayfaring danger, traveling through this world alone. There will be murder, rape, and anger in that cold land to which I go. I'm going there to start all over. And I'm going there no more to roam. I'm only going over borders. I'm only running far from home now.

Ooohh.  Dark clouds gathering above me. I know my way's rough and steep. And  escape and freedom lie just beyond me. And I know my way's rough and  steep. When I go there I'll be a bother. No lesson learned to call my own. I'm only chaos plaguing order. I'm only finding a new home now.

In my sleeping bag, I dose off to the ceaseless whoosh vrrooom of traffic, and the little song playing in my head. Now how many people do I need to apologize to?

Mid morning the next day, I'm doing the best I can to keep my hygiene up in  a bacteria encrusted public restroom.

When the bum behind me finishes pissing and leaves without washing his hands, I take out my wallet and pocket knife. I pull out my driver's license, library card, and all my credit and debit cards, deface them by scraping them, chop them up, and toss them in the bin.

I don't know  if this is the best idea, but it's kind of a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. If I get caught driving without a license, I could be arrested. But if I show the license, same deal.

At least now I don't  have to worry about leaving a definitive link to myself if I ever lose my wallet around here.

Nothing to lose by getting rid of the cards, since I've abandoned my bank account. I don't need books from the library either, unless they have a step by step guide in there about how  to escape from the law in 100% of situations.

I leave, get in the little car, and review how to get to my next destination on a gas station map. The little dot where I was born festers about 100 miles east, and a little farther south of the Ligerdian border than this place.

I heard that the border is little more  than a 7 foot tall fence, with guards few and far between. You know how  I said that my drug farm was legal where I lived? Well, it isn't on the  other side of that fence.

There have been more than a few complaints by Ligerdian citizens concerning the fact that running contraband from here to there is so easy. But, the tax dollars never seem to have found their way down to the border. Probably got caught on the lining of some  politicians' pockets.

Hey! “from here to there.”

A plant there was, a plant, a plant. All green and nine points in its leaves. Three years in jail and a beating there. They’ll cuff and search you in the bare. But sweet it is to ease your cares, with the scent of weed up in the air.

From there to here, from here to there. All light and sweet and fragrant the air. I smell the smoke of weed over there. The weed, the drugs, and not a care.

I turn on the radio to a station playing chill music, and start driving. Tired of hiding as a wanted, homeless man in my own country, but getting caught in Ligerdia as an illegal alien could wind me up ass-fucked for good. The bottom line is, I need a new identity.

I knew another person before I left where I'm now going again. Kids used to buy fake identification cards from him, so they could drink and get  blue balled at strip clubs.

I wouldn't call his quality top tier, but if I could get one of those, it would grease my wheels. I need more from  him than just that, though, and more than I'm positive that he can provide.

I need a new social security number, birth certificate, and driver's license. If I can get all that, perhaps obtaining an official, legal, Ligerdian passport will be possible. Or perhaps I should just ask him to forge one of those too, so I don't have to worry about being snagged by their authorities. Decisions, decisions.

About two hours later, I'm driving down a street at 30 mph, again taking in the   grossly familiar sights of the dank, unassuming town of Drundam. The   aversion had already begun to build in my chest from 20 miles away, and now I feel nausea coming on. I never wanted to come back here.

I keep driving until I reach a rickety, two story house in a neighborhood. People like the ones who live here always seem to have a liking for cheap, bright colors.

This resulted in the rows of houses around me dressed in faded greens, pinks, purples, and oranges. Their skeletons underneath are precarious with rotting planks. The one I'm pulling  up in front of is light blue, just like the stain of it in my memory.

I step out of the car and take a tentative breath of cold air, smokey from a nearby factory. The whole place is bathed in cloud. An icy drizzle falls from the heavy grey above and into the pale fog beneath.  

The moisture darkened street is deserted, with most people out at work or school. I walk up to the house and knock on the door. No answer. I knock again, and wait.

The dude finally answers. He hasn't changed much. He still wears torn jeans, and a shirt not fully buttoned with curly brown chest hair bursting out at the top.

"Tell me I ain’t seein’ this," he says as he looks me over sourly.

"You're just seeing me, and I'm about to be a paying customer."

"Yeaahhh, I don't know about that. I saw the news."

When I frown he says, "Oh, don’t be surprised. What you did... that ain't no little local story. That shit spreads."

I cut to the chase. "If you're going to talk, maybe I should come in so that no one sees me at your house."

He shakes his head and sighs, then jabs his thumb towards the inside of the house. "Against my better judgement, alright kid."

I cringe. I don't appreciate being called "kid", not after everything I've done. I enter and close the door behind myself.

"Look," Uorthem says with pointed sternness, "I'm not in for any bullshit." He lifts up his shirt, punctuating his point with the gun tucked into his waistband. "Tell me what you want. If you got the money, and I can do for it, then we do business. Otherwise, you  get the fuck out, and I mean out of town too."

"I need a new identity- the full package. Short of plastic surgery, I'm a whole new man as far as the world is concerned."

Uorthem thinks for a bit, then moves his head in something between a shake and a nod. "That's gonna take some time."

"How long are you thinking?"

"10-14 days. It's a process."

I don't care for that, but this much is still promising.

"And I won't do it for less than $10,000."

That's shaving off a chunk from my winnings, but it's affordable.

"We have a deal, then," I tell him.

I turn to leave, but he says, "Wait."

Dammit.

I hear a zipper behind me.

"Momma always said I shouldn't poke feral dogs or test crazies, but I figure if you didn’t know to do what was best for ya when the rubber hit the road, you wouldn'da made it this far."

I turn back to see Uorthem's long manflesh hanging stiffly from his light, worn jeans.

"You ain't got much of a choice, do you?"

I stay in my place, and raise my eyes from his wrinkly, slightly mottled penis, and up to his face. My expression is blank, but tight.

"What're you waiting for? Get down there boy."

I kneel on the tiled floor, and carefully take his warm member in my hands. I force my clenched teeth apart, and begin a pattern of sucking, licking and rubbing.

I don't know why he smells like stale beer here. He hardens fully as I work, and moans deeply.

"Ohh, ahh yeah. Ya know, I hate it when they act like they never handled dick before. Men know what a man likes. You get it."

He digs his rough hands into my hair and forces my head farther onto his cock. I choke, but regain my rhythm with his dick farther down my throat.

He's so big in my mouth. Between his size and the overpowering smell akin to old beer and bleach, I'm nearly suffocating.

"Almost there... uuhhghahh. Suck like your life depends on it, 'cause it just might."

He blows down my throat. I try to pull off of his penis so I can swallow properly, but he holds my head there tightly until he finishes spurting every last drop. My mouth is filled with the unpleasant taste. He lets me go, and I pull away coughing and panting.

"Hmmph, ohhhhh," Uorthem groans in satisfaction, stretching his back. "Now go on, get your ass outta here."

I walk out, staggering a bit, and slam the door behind myself. My face is red with shame and anger, but this is still the new beginning.

The rising voice in my head that has telling me to give up since before I   even started has gotten quieter. It's still there, but to it I say, "Not yet."

I probably shouldn't just be standing out in the open like this, but I like the view. I've driven down to the rocky strip of beach that overlooks the choppy, cold sea.

This sea touches far fairer lands than this, the people of which are likely unaware that farther north, their blue waters turn grey, and lap at the edges of a sickly little world.

I stand looking out over the water, perhaps resembling Koume. I'm not yet sure what understanding she came to, but I'll gather the wind under my  wings and soar across a sky of my own color.