lettiemelvin4-blog

[kozidraws]

.

[deoidesign]

Return date for my webcomic, Time and Time Again!

It's been set for a while but sometimes they change the date without warning, so I'll keep you updated if anything changes!

I'm extremely proud of the work I've been doing on it, I can't wait to share everything!

See you then!

[psycho-net2000]

Sasha🎄Milla >:]]

The OLD COUPLE! THEMM!!!❤️❤️

[bonetrousledbones]

ANOTHER UPDATE i forgot to post about it lmao but as of around 4pm on the 18th i finally have POWER!!!!!!!!! if it hadn't come back that would've been day 22 and officially gone past 3 full weeks. i'm still Tired because turns out when you finally get out of a highly stressful situation your body and brain sorta decide to shut down for a while but once i get some more energy in me I'm gonna try to make an updated info post with more resources that have popped up over the last month. my pinned post is technically outdated now and a lot of those links aren't quite as needed anymore, but it's still important to me that people don't forget about all this and fully understand just how devastating this storm was, so until I can make that updated version I'm gonna leave it up.

If any of y'all have donated anything to help out any effected areas, especially WNC in particular, genuinely thank you so, so much. Going through 3 weeks without power or running water and by far The Worst Birthday Of My Fucking Life, nothing has helped me feel more hopeful than seeing everyone helping each other with just about everything. Locals putting signs outside their homes offering their non-potable water, piles on piles of bottled water sitting outside tiny community centers, people cooking up free burgers and hotdogs in a grocery store parking lot while giving out free go-bags with toothbrushes, diapers, and just about anything else you can think of that can return just a little sense of normalcy to the people who need it. I even know of a movement from way up in Ogdensburg NY that donated a huge amount of stuff including several heaters, expensive generators, and a bunch of cards from a couple elementary school classes wishing us luck in getting through it :'> the heaters were especially nice to have for my family personally, since it started to get progressively chillier after/around day 16-17. i love PEOPLE !!!!!

ahem . but other than all that i'm hoping to be able to finally start moving on soon. things are never going to be the same as they were before the storm, but at the very least i can feel like we're actually moving forward instead of constantly waiting for something to happen. idk when i'll start posting normal stuff again, but hopefully it won't be too long!

[cyrsed]

post dead space, when isaac is picked up from the escape shuttle and taken to titan station. hard to tell but i based the door in the back on the door of the shuttle like it's docked somewhere and he's being escorted off it

[ashfae]

Me: Why can't I make myself just do things?

Also me: Because you have ADHD.

Me: Yeah I know, but WHY can't I just make myself do things?

Also me: Because you have ADHD.

Me: Yeah but WHY--

Also me: Because. You. Have. ADHD.

Me: But I need to do things! I WANT to do them! And I'm still not doing them!

Also: Yeah that's what ADHD is. And you have it.

Me: But--

Also me: Oh, shut up.

[ravonix]

grocy store fit

( it / they )

[thewickerking]

ah. theyre putting the artfight site down. SAD! well ill go take a shower then.

[iwakuraz]

.

[liam-summers]

Sorry, I would rather eat flaming hot DOG shit than have another man live in my house ever again.

[starbuck]

only at the Moby-Dick reading will you hear people randomly singing both the Dave Malloy Moby-Dick musical and The Mountain Goats… the only other time i’ve been surrounded by this many fellow queer was The Mountain Goats concert.

[sieglinde-freud]

3ds fire emblem is fun because with the power of hair color you can make anybody siblings even if they really shouldn't ever be

[just-jordie-things]

what i say: "i'm writing!!"

what i'm doing: staring at the wip with half a sentence added while being aggressively indecisive on what playlist i want to listen to

[tesl8n]

[what-the-fuck-khr]

saw some persona fanart and that dude nearly looked like Ryohei had to stop and read the tags on it lol

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.