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#taxing beyond reason
sydneyspearls · 3 months
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Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
It’s time to apply
The inheritance tax.
A sampling of our taxes:
Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline Surcharge Tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death (Estate) Tax
Dog License Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Gasoline Tax
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
Hydropower Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Federal, State, and Local Surcharge Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
In 1913, the 16th Amendment was ratified allowing Congress to tax all types of income. Where did the overwhelming abundance of taxes come from? Politicians.
We are way past being used for their folly. Time to make some big changes!
TRUMP#2024
❤️🇺🇸🤍🇺🇸💙
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waywardsalt · 2 months
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i. get the vibe that the more mainstream zelda fans are allergic to the idea of liking characters who like. do bad things
#the groups and works i avoid are ones that make characters who do generally questionable things into morally good/perfect people#idk. whenever people get nasty or w/s it seems to be when people ask reasonable questions abt the series’ morality#recent example in mind but like. idk. with more personal/petty examples i feel like people will just sand a character down to being nicer#or more decent to fit some mold and maybe while its still similar to canon its a lot less interesting#idk this is just a mini rant ill delete it later. god forbid we enjoy characters who make bad choices and are mean#idk i dont usually leave my little hole but it feels like the worst zelda fans are deep in purity culture regarding characters#and don’t analyze the text beyond what youre told and never going any deeper bc it would require thought and discomfort#idk ig with [character] (cuz i know thisll get picked ul by tag stuff) i just. dont like how he just gets turned into a decent guy?#like hes an asshole but thats it hes more pleasant than anything? its not not canon but its not interesting. its neuters him#yknow? like hes down for robbing people at the bare minimum shut uo about tax fraud he’s a thief literally in the text#im going off the rails. bht i feel like people lash out at characters who are unignorably grating or morally impure#and sand down the ones whose flaws can be ignored. ofc i feel like the main 3 esp with these last few games get the worst of it#and i can get why considering the issues baked into how this series work but it just makes a lot of things boring
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lordpuzzle28 · 4 months
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hmm. talking with one of my friends sends me into an indescribable rage. strange.
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oldtvandcomics · 9 months
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Can we, like, bring back storytelling that is completely 100% plot-driven? Relationship drama is fun - sometimes. Other times, it is absolutely the wrong thing to do. I wish the villains going up against the superhero weren’t always so personal. I wish we could have a relationship at the heart of the story that is not challenged. Just give the heroes fun problems to solve.
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frostbite-merun · 10 months
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I've seen a bunch of posts about billionaires evading taxes but never anything about HOW they evade taxes. So I figured I'd make one.
1- Their assets aren't liquid. Liquid basically means that the asset is something that is or can easily be converted to cash (i.e. crypto, stocks, and bonds). Those are easily taxable so instead rich people will buy a bunch of stuff like real estate or stupid art or yachts or anything else with a big price tag that's hard to move. This sounds stupid on paper, but the key is that they depreciate in value.
2- Claim deprecation my basic understanding of this is that if you buy a thing for your business that depreciates in value, you can tell the government and they'll help you recover the cost of the property. Now it's only SUPPOSED to be for things used by a business to help with upkeep, but can the government really PROVE that your big stupid diamond hat isn't for business if you wear it to meetings?
3- Similar to the above, things that you claim are used for business are nontaxable. If you go on a business trip and stay in a nice hotel, buy a bunch of luggage, fly in the fancy section of the airplane, and buy a big meal for you and the people you're schmoozing... all of that can be claimed as 'business expenses' on your taxes.
4- If your business's tax deductions exceed its taxable income, the government will give you a break on the next round of taxes. It's called Net Operating Losses (NOL) and you're basically rolling forward the money that your business lost.
5- Owning a shit ton of houses lets you deduct property taxes. This applies to yachts apparently, because you can feasibly live on one. This is probably why there's so many shady landlords and empty buildings standing around. No resident means not having to shill out money for upkeep. Add this to all of the above and... you can start to see the problem with the housing market.
6- Per fiscal year you can only be taxed on money made in that year (obviously), but if you defer payment on some things and get paid the next fiscal year you can control, to an extent, how much you pay in taxes.
7- Charity is tax-deductible. And if someone were to, let's say, own the charity that they're donating to, then that money doesn't actually GO anywhere.
There are a bunch of other ways to get around taxes legally but these are just the big ones that I'm aware of. Most of the hyper-wealthy use a combination of these, and (ALLEGEDLY) supplement that with lying and straight-up tax evasion. I'm also pretty sure I'm legally obligated to mention that I'm not saying any of this to give anyone any sort of financial or legal advice.
Honestly the biggest joke in all of this is that, yes, the hyper-wealthy do have huge net worth(s), but can't actually spend a massive chunk of it. Past a certain point it's just a high score showing how well you gamed the system. If these assholes were to sell their assets and use their money for good they'd have to stop the infinite money glitch.
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biteapple · 4 months
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it doesnt feel like it but ive apparently identified as a man for like. 6 years now. which is the longest i've felt consistent about that sort of thing
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wilwheaton · 1 year
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The GOP wonders why young people (and others) don't want to vote for them. Some wise scribe assembled this list.
1.) Your Reagan-era “trickle-down economics” strategy of tax breaks for billionaires that you continue to employ to this day has widened the gap between rich and poor so much that most of them will never be able to own a home, much less earn a living wage.
2.) You refuse to increase the federal minimum wage, which is still $7.25 an hour (since 2009). Even if it had just kept up with inflation, it would be $27 now. You’re forcing people of all ages but especially young people to work multiple jobs just to afford basic necessities.
3.) You fundamentally oppose and want to kill democracy; have done everything in your power to restrict access to the ballot box, particularly in areas with demographics that tend to vote Democratic (like young people and POC). You staged a fucking coup the last time you lost.
4.) You have abused your disproportionate senate control over the last three decades to pack the courts with religious extremists and idealogues, including SCOTUS—which has rolled back rights for women in ways that do nothing but kill more women and children and expand poverty.
5.) You refuse to enact common sense gun control laws to curb mass shootings like universal background checks and banning assault weapons; subjecting their entire generation to school shootings and drills that are traumatizing in and of themselves. You are owned by the NRA.
6.) You are unequivocally against combatting climate change to the extent that it’s as if you’ve made it your personal mission to ensure they inherit a planet that is beyond the point of no return in terms of remaining habitable for the human race beyond the next few generations.
7.) You oppose all programs that provide assistance to those who need it most. Your governors refused to expand Medicaid even during A PANDEMIC. You are against free school lunches, despite it being the only meal that millions of children can count on to actually receive each day
8.) You are banning books, defunding libraries, barring subject matter, and whitewashing history even more in a fascistic attempt to keep them ignorant of the systemic racism that this nation was literally founded upon and continues to this day in every action your party takes.
9.) You oppose universal healthcare and are still trying to repeal the ACA and rip healthcare from tens of millions of Americans and replace it with nothing. You are against lowering the cost of insulin and prescription drugs that millions need simply to LIVE/FUNCTION in society.
10.) You embrace white nationalists, Neo-Nazis, and other groups that are defined by their intractable racism, xenophobia, bigotry, and intolerance. You conspired with these groups on January 6th to try to overthrow the U.S. government via domestic terrorism that KILLED PEOPLE.
11.) You oppose every bill aimed at making life better for our nation’s youth; from education to extracurricular and financial/nutritional assistance programs. You say you want to “protect the children” while you elect/nominate pedophiles and attack trans youth and drag queens.
12.) You pretend to be offended by “anti-semitism” while literally supporting, electing, and speaking at events organized by Nazis. You pretend to hate “cancel culture” despite the fact that you invented it and it’s basically all you do.
13.) Every word you utter is a lie. You are the party of treason, hypocrisy, crime, and authoritarianism. You want to entrench rule by your aging minority because you know that you have nothing to offer young voters and they will never support you for all these reasons and more.
14.) You’re so hostile to even the notion of helping us overcome the mountain of debt that millions of us are forced to take on just to pay for our post K-12 education that you are suing to try to prevent a small fraction of us from getting even $10,000 in loan forgiveness.
15.) You opened the floodgates of money into politics via Citizens United; allowing our entire system of government to become a cesspool of corruption, crime, and greed. You are supposed to represent the American people whose taxes pay your salary but instead cater to rich donors.
16.) You respond to elected representatives standing in solidarity with their constituents to protest the ONGOING SLAUGHTER of children in schools via shootings by EXPELLING THEM FROM OFFICE & respond to your lack of popularity among young people by trying to raise the voting age.
17.) You impeach Democratic presidents over lying about a BJ but refuse to impeach (then vote twice to acquit) a guy whose entire “administration” was an international crime syndicate being run out of the WH who incited an insurrection to have you killed.
18.) You steal Supreme Court seats from democrats to prevent the only black POTUS we’ve ever had from appointing one and invent fake precedents that you later ignore all to take fundamental rights from Americans; and even your “legitimate” appointments consist of people like THIS (sub-thread refuting CJ Roberts criticisms of people attacking SCOTUS' legitimacy).
19.) You support mass incarceration even for innocuous offenses or execution by cop for POC while doing nothing but protect rich white criminals who engage in such things as tax fraud, money laundering, sex trafficking, rape/sexual assault, falsifying business records, etc.
20.) You are the reason we can’t pass:—Universal background checks—An assault weapons ban—The ‘For the People/Freedom to vote’ Act or John Lewis Voting Rights Act—The ERA & Equality Act—The Climate Action Now Act—The (Stopping) Violence Against Women Act—SCOTUS expansion.
21.) You do not seek office to govern, represent, or serve the American people. You seek power solely for its own sake so you can impose your narrow-minded puritanical will on others at the expense of their most fundamental rights and freedoms like voting and bodily autonomy.
22.) Ok, last one. You are trying to eliminate social security and Medicare that tens of millions of our parents rely on and paid into their entire lives. And you did everything to maximize preventable deaths from COVID leaving millions of us in mourning.
Source: https://imgur.com/gallery/e8DBZLH
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the-bibrarian · 1 year
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I see a lot of incomprehension online about our pension reform and the anger it generates in France, and what it often boils down to is "why are they so angry, 64 is plenty young to retire?"
I don't agree, but even if I did I would still oppose the reform. Here are some of the reasons why:
We already need 43 full years of work and tax contributions to be able to retire. Which means college-educated people were never going to retire at 64 anyway, let alone 62. This reform is aimed at people who start working early, mostly in low-paying jobs.
There's very little provision made in this law for hard/dangerous/manual labour.
There's no provision made for women who stop working to raise their children (51% of women already retire without a "complete career," which means they only retire on a partial pension, vs. 25% of men).
At 64, 1/3 of the poorest workers will already be dead. In France, between the richest and the poorest men, there's a 13 years gap in life expectancy.
Beyond life expectancy, at that age a lot of people (especially poorer, non-college educated) have too many health-related issues to be able to work. Not only is it cruel to ask them to work longer, if they can't work at all that's two more years to hold on with no pension
Unemployment in France is still fairly high (7%). Young people already have a hard time finding work, and this is going to make things even harder for them
Macron cut taxes on the rich and lost the country around 16 Billions € in tax revenue. Our estimated pension deficit should peak at 12 Billions worst case scenario.
While I'm on wealth redistribution (no, not soviet style, but I think there should be a cap on wealth concentration. Nobody needs to be a billionaire.): some of the massive profits of last year should go to workers and to the state to be redistributed, including to fund pensions. The state subsidized companies and corporations during the pandemic, Macron even said "no matter the cost" and spent 206 Billions € on businesses. Now he's going after the poorest workers in the country for an hypothetical 12 Billions??
Implicit in all of this is the question of systemic racism. French workers from immigrant families are already more likely to have started their careers early, to have low-paying jobs, are less likely to be college-educated, more at risk for disabilities and chronic illnesses, etc., so this is going to disproportionately affect them
This is not even touching on the fact that he didn't let lawmakers vote on it, meaning he knew he wouldn't get a majority of votes in parliament, or that 70% of the population is against this law. Pushing it through anyway is blatant authoritarianism.
TL;DR: This is only tangentially about retirement age. The reform will make life harder for people with low incomes, or with no higher education, for manual workers, for women—mothers especially, for POC, for people with disabilities or chronic conditions, etc. This is about solidarity.
Hope (sincerely) this helps.
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anantaru · 8 months
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EX HUSBAND NEUVILLETTE
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— ꒰ synopsis ꒱ — ex! husband neuvillette headcanons
— ꒰ warnings ꒱ — [ex]plicit, fem! reader, fluff, crack lmao, he‘s trying his best, very rough like he’s feral!!!!, fucks you like there’s no tomorrow, but the sweetest man, a little possessive without him realising
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ex! husband neuvillette, who— as was wildly anticipated, would not instantly vanish from your life nor leave you stranded alone beside the mental toll that a separation would leave on the both of you— even after the grief-stricken divorce was at last, ultimately finalized and carried out.
ex! husband neuvillette who thought that— with the fullness of his devastated heart, that in his own very eyes, it was beyond a doubt commonplace to aid and assist his ex-wife in the so called "aftermath" of your troubling divorce, whilst more urgently, be in no qualms that you're being cared for with everything and anything you could possible need.
ex! husband neuvillette, who of course, would double check with you to not suddenly overstep any boundaries or take up space that you might need— yet bare in mind, if you were to ask him for help on any matter really, he'd immediately leave everything behind to fulfill your wishes first, considering he is used to it, but the man will tend to forget about his own personal needs which he needed so he could function properly— yet now with you out of the picture, walking back to his current reality was becoming a taxing task.
ex! husband neuvillette, who, aside from his own separate challenges and demands, would never dare to cast aside his important work of practically running the nation of hydro. much obliged, he was a prestigious, praiseworthy man, thus the reason for him to pull more effort and sleepless nights into his occupation.
ex! husband neuvillette who couldn't believe that you both were divorced in the first place because in all seriousness, there wasn't much changing and aside from a couple instances, for example that he wasn't seeing you frequently, it felt the same way to him.
ex! husband neuvillette who, after a couple weeks into your divorce, will suddenly become a little more distant, not responding to letters you would occasionally send to make sure he was okay— with the immediate turbulent, overcast weather in fontaine adding to the closing eeriness of the entire situation. it's constant, clouded and gray, a mirage of cold rain and an incoming storm, and the people of fontaine will begin to question what had happened or if it was simply an unlucky past couple of weeks.
ex! husband neuvillette who doesn't like the idea of divorce, as might be expected he understands it, but in his own regard, he does not approve of it, but he accepts it— additionally, he wouldn't force you to stay with him, again, why he had agreed on it in the first place. the man would lie to himself if he'd say that it doesn't break his heart, the unclouded thought of wholly erasing the person he referred to as his 'wife' off his entire life was a frightening pondering.
ex! husband neuvillette wasn't willing to accept it, ever, but he did it for your sake and the small possibility of you becoming close again, in the future? perhaps, he was willing to wait endlessly, condemning himself to a lifetime in darkness, knowing full on well that his most desired dream to reconcile arguably wouldn't come true— on top of that, after careful, deep talks on how to properly navigate your divorce and being separated from now on, you have both ultimately agreed on remaining 'friends' in a sense, such was easy to state of course but you longed to make the best out of it, or at least try.
ex! husband neuvillette who will against all odds, still keep his wedding ring put on its designated place. granted, he had gotten quite accustomed to the feeling of it being wrapped around his finger and doesn't want to take it off. if you do decide to ask him about it, given that you aren't wearing yours anymore, he will plainly state that he got used to it way too much and it had grown on him, really, becoming a part of his person so ultimately taking it off would result in the same as him severing a limb off his body.
ex! husband neuvillette who still calls you his wife unintentionally, in the beginning of the first couple of weeks, it will happen almost all the time. be that as it may, he doesn't do it on purpose to somehow hurt you or make you uncomfortable, and he was aware of the fact that he needed to get accustomed to the feeling of being single again, of not being married anymore but calling you his wife just warmths his chest and hugs him from inside and out.
ex! husband neuvillette bets on it, it's like his whole day could be stacked with work on end, without a second of tranquility in sight, rain droplets covering the nation of hydro, but when he thinks about you, only you, a smile coruscates over his soft lips, increasing his heart beat, it's all so painful but he wouldn't want it any other way because nothing, and he emphasizes it deeply, nothing would be as painful as having you gone form his life.
ex! husband neuvillette who, and pay attention now, this would only happen if his strong, rational thinking skills and durable emotions towards keeping the laws of this world truthful were somewhat altered in an instance of weakness, but he would adore to throw and punish every new person you would date after him behind bars, yet not before properly dragging them to a trail that they cannot win, for him to look down on them— again, it's a small fantasy he wouldn't bring into life, he honored his noble work.
ex! husband neuvillette who knows that even day dreaming about such wrongful ideas were full of holes and malice, yet beyond it, he keeps himself restrained in not interfering in your new relationships— which he had thought must be a lot, you could say he believed that you were already out and about in the dating world, overthinking the worst out of all possibilities that could happen.
ex! husband neuvillette who will oftentimes send the melusines out to check up on you and tell him how you're doing— no, don't misunderstand, he doesn't want to know if you were dating again, he wouldn't, after all, this was your personal life and he wasn't your husband anymore. but then again, surely checking every now and then wouldn't hurt a soul, right?
ex! husband neuvillette will send you freshly picked flowers frequently, or have your favorite dish made by a professional chef. how can i forget to mention that he tends to buy a small, cute souvenir that would remind him of you and send it your way instantly. at how things were slowly progressing, the man will be quite embarrassed in facing you again, granted that you had promised to remain friends, he fears that the constant raining and pouring around fontaine would make it desperately obvious on how he was truly feeling, what can there be left anyways, nothing but the untouchable part of him, his aching soul begging for closeness.
but ex! husband neuvillette does not want to trouble you, fearing he might become overbearing in his doings, but he misses you, this time it's more raw than that, more exposed, more pure. he longes for a moment where he can see and feel you again, his mind circling through emotions and pondering, sinful dreams stitching his psyche together and calming down his heart.
ex! husband neuvillette who will be surprised, yet overly thrilled as if he was about to jump off his chair, when you ask the sweet melusines to hand him over a letter— the scent of the thin paper reminding him of your fragrance, a similar one he noticed whenever he kissed your neck. beyond question, they couldn't have told him fast enough, he finishes up the necessary work load for the day, at once forging ahead to your once shared house. you know it by now but he does not falter, he wants this to be perfect, carefully picking up a bouquet of flowers, with the flowers in questions being the very ones that have been decorating your wedding venue back in the day, oh sweet memories, he hopes he doesn't come off as crazy.
ex! husband neuvillette who tries to play it cool, it's not a big deal, but why were his hands sweating? his breathing was fast too, burgeoning, each following step towards your home, his limbs and muscles would begin to tremble, it's evident and almost aflame, but the weather has been nice again all of a sudden, for once in fontaine and he couldn't wait to see you.
ex! husband neuvillette who cannot say anything when you open the door for him, all these miles with the memories of your passionate time together pouring back into his mind. it's silly, but so real, and there was a silence, although not of an uncomfortable kind, it was overthrowing the hefty atmosphere.
and honestly, you think ex! husband neuvillette was cute when he was all overwhelmed and bereft of speech, even cuter when he’s silently walking past the door, your hands slowly wrapping around the bouquet of flowers to place them aside, on top of a wooden drawer before panning your eyes back into his grasp— which was his piercing, conquering gaze.
you could perceive the cutting tautness, how the reinforced pressure alone couldn't be torn, not with a sharp knife, no sword, no blade, because forthrightly— there wasn't anything on this planet that was able to part this emerging and crashing body chemistry.
all fairness to the situation— your captivation was off the charts, two people unable to coexist while parted, searching within your souls to understand what was happening. yet then it hit you, that maybe— heavily placed on a single maybe, that there might've been a cruel mistake in how things ended between you both;
or did they end?
because like a bullet piercing through soft flesh, it gave the impression away as if you were both moving closer to your sweet frames until you could clearly feel his warm, clothed chest pushed against your own— hopeful eyes remained locked within your gazes as you carefully slide your hands behind his neck without breaking his stares.
ex! husband neuvillette whose breathing was all fast and hasty, yet much swifter was his never ending intention to kiss you again and taste your lips in the process, he cannot stop himself anymore, but he must— for some reason, he cannot fathom that this might be reality and that you both would have a second chance in this life after all.
"kiss me." you suddenly whisper, eyes aglow with his own enlarging at the nervous utterance, subtle touches weaving together and showing your open truths.
ex! husband neuvillette feels how tense he has gotten and tries to relax— on top of that, he was reminiscing about the past and the bare memories of your writhing body splayed under his large one, his entire weight on top of you, just the whisper of his sinful imagination made his mouth water— he truly believes he was in fact dreaming right now, especially when you tell him to kiss him again.
there were no thoughts to process anymore, no focus he could grasp on to remain clearness— what was left were true, unfaltering desires and the scalding pain of waiting. that‘s when you kiss him instead, his body immediately welcoming your fervid warmth, pulling his head towards your own in a heart beat.
ex! husband neuvillette felt a heavy hardship being lifted off his shoulders the moment your lips touch his, and each one of the words he had planned to spell out to you, they form into a sting that was beating into his heart, repeatedly, the sharp stitches seeping into his veins slowly. and he refuses to cry in front of you, or expose to you that everything that had happened after your separation was covered in nothing but a silent numbness.
swallowing the lump in his throat, ex! husband neuvillette guides you to the bedroom, it was hard to decipher what was real or not, each motion of your lips rounding across his own felt like he was dreaming the most beautiful dream of them all. the whisper of cold air brushes across your bodies when he opens the door to the cold room, his own imagination going wild when he peeks at the neatly made bed, or the wooden drawer next to it, still having your wedding picture on display.
ex! husband neuvillette who takes his time in undressing you, the fear of someone taking you away from him again, even now, was still there and he wanted, no, needed to relish in this as good as possible. neuvillette wets his lips, nervous, "my love.. are you sure about this?" and he hesitated for a second— but when you tug at his own sleeves now, fondling with the expensive garment, nodding your head and expertly wrapping your digits into the thin fabric to help him out of it, he knows you wanted it as badly as he did, popping his arms back so you could pull his coat down, your mouth twisting into a subtle smile.
ex! husband neuvillette who touches you featherlight, slowly parting your legs to settle in between, and butterflies expand in your belly when you admire his beauty from up close again, his muscles twitching when you decide to lightly graze his skin with your fingertips, smoothly sliding over his chest before wrapping your arms around his neck. 
ex! husband neuvillette who could honestly cry the moment he first slides his cock into you again, kissing you again and again, more deeply, more feral and in need before licking into your mouth, leaving his large hand to wander down to the plush of your ass and push you into the mattress when he first bottoms out of you. you're so warm, wet and comfortable while you're clamping down on him. and neuvillette pistols his hips like an electric light, hoping he'd be able to hit so deep inside your warm cunt till you practically feel him stir up your guts.
and a moan slowly builds up in your throat as your tits brush against his strong chest— whilst neuvillette places a delicious, fast pace on you, the bare strength of his thrusts making the headboard bounce back and forth the wall as he nibbles on your bottom lip while fucking his cock into you, your gummy walls squelching at each well received pump.
ex! husband neuvillette who roughly palms your tits and plays with your nipples with his hips moving in a feral tempo— whilst those breathy, wet pleas of your name, the ones he whispered against your ear, evolve into gluttonous, hungry groans, whilst the thought about losing all of this made it more difficult for him to say anything at all, his throat acting as a trap for that one sentence he intended to spell out, the sound of it awaiting to break free— but the nervousness couldn't be surpassed as he takes a hold of your hand, desperately clutching on it before grinding his erection back into you, a pulse surging through the entirety of your walls.
ex! husband neuvillette who finds it mesmerizing on how you were so responsive to his every nibble and touch, his thudding cock diving between your legs while he fists your tits in his warm hand, your lips parting with cries and begs while meeting his hungry pace.
his hips, much bigger than yours, keep hitting into you, a lustful gaze on your facial expression clouding your mind as he makes you feel so unbelievably good, soaking your sheets as you kiss him, famished and hot, feeling his needy grunts exhaling through his lips as you clench down hard, gazes meeting once and for all, "i love you." you say, almost cry it out, and neuvillette wanted to be patient with you, claim your body to its full exhaustion afterwards, but not now, he cannot keep his cool this time— not anymore, not after you said those very three words he wasn't able to utter out all night.
you're truly driving him insane, and his body was pressing hotly against yours as you wiggle and writhe under him, puppy eyes watching him please you from under your lashes while you’re requiring more of his cock in you, please please, you say, your pussy clamping around his girth and milking him for good.
ex! husband neuvillette who tells you, "i love you too, i love you too.." in quick, fast paced syllables, and the burning veins in his body turn numb when you begin to cry out of joy and pleasure, hastily pushing your heels into his back to signal him to fuck you harder as he pounds away into your creamy pussy, dragging his hard erection along your sore walls and burning pleasure spots.
now— your nails simmer over his defined back, both sweetly indulging in each others company and the feeling of being one again, nothing else but solid, fast paced pleasure which was turning him on, so fucking much, his breathing puffed and winded, throwing his head back as you're doing your best to match his insane rhythm.
your pussy swallows him up like magic, your damp lashes tickling his shoulders as he buries his face against your neck to suck on the wet flesh, in accessory to the numerous amount of praises, declarations of love and filthy curses plastering your sweaty skin. or how about the swallowing screams and begs of your name that ripple through him as you moan out fervently, twitching under his towering body and arching your back.
oh, well? it's now or never your “ex” husband fears, and he decides to push his pulsing cock deep into your hole, deeper, just a little bit more, please! until you're desperately screaming into his shoulder, as far as it can fit into your little pussy, sending you over an intoxicating edge.
and ex! husband neuvillette was, at long last, back at where he should be, where he should've been all along, with you, making passionate and meaningful love to each other, because the man needed it, needed you close to him, and he cannot and will never again, paint the world without you in it.
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©2023 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify
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look-at-the-soul · 3 months
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Grandma knows best
Tommy Shelby x reader (+Grandma)
Summary: Thomas Shelby is a well known gánster, reckless, fearless, stubborn, restless… he might be a lot of things, but he wasn’t an inconsiderate man. Not specially with an elderly woman.
A/N: 🤷🏻‍♀️ grandmas definitely knows what’s best for us 👵🏻♥️✨ nothing but a fluff moment…
See the Grandma series here
Word count: 3,303
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Taking off you coat, you tried to rub your hands to warm them up. Announcing you just arrived, barely noticing an unfamiliar voice.
But to your surprise, once you stepped into the kitchen, you found the least person you thought that could ever be there.
The Small Heath devil, Thomas Shelby.
“Oh darling, there you are.” You grandma greeted you with a wide smile. “I was just telling Mr. Shelby about you.”
“Grandma.” You were paralyzed, frozen in spot.
Giving you a subtle double look, he had to force himself to compose, nothing your grandmother had said about you prepared him. Your beauty was beyond words. And over the last hour he had heard nothing but compliments and good things, he had to admit he had been curious about that young lady that seemed to be exceptional.
A long time ago you learned walking alone once is dark is a bad idea, but crossing your eyes with that man was worse.
“We haven’t done anything wrong Mr. Shelby…” you tried to explain as the man stared perplexed, his man spread as if he owed everything in that house.
“Sweetheart Mr. Shelby helped me with the groceries and bread, the basket was heavy and he offered to walk me home.”
Noticing the terror in your eyes, he cleared his throat.
“My job is done here Mrs. Barwick, it was lovely to meet you, thank you for the tea.”
Standing up, he grabbed his peaky cap, the razor blade caught the light and shone in your direction. But your grandmother had a different idea.
“What do you mean you’re leaving? You’ve to stay for dinner.”
“Absolutely not.” You rushed to interrupt. Looking down at the tone you just used to answer your grandma you mumbled an apology.
“I really appreciate the offer bu-”
“This is absurd, you can’t leave until you’ve had dinner Mr. Shelby, I must insist, and I need to know the rest of the story of that caravan trip you did.” She replied scolding him just like she did with you, in that motherly tone.
Frowning you looked from her, to the well known gánster. There was no way back now, he was staying for dinner.
“Now, would you like some more tea?” She offered to him, as Thomas opened his mouth to say no, your grandma filled the cup again. It looked ridiculous in his hand.
The most dangerous man in the country drinking tea from a cup decorated with flowers. ¡In your bloody kitchen!
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“Milk?” She offered, ignoring the fact that he could kill her anytime. You’ve heard all kinds of stories about him and the tortures he used among his enemies.
“Yes thank you.”
“Sweetheart, would you mind helping me here?” She pointed at the pot next to her knees, it was getting harder for her to bend down these days.
“I’ll get that for you.” He offered and in mere seconds he was crunching down to get it.
“Oh bless you.” Your grandma offered him another smile. “Why are you still standing there?” She called to get your attention.
Shaking your head a little, you were able to move past the initial shock, but still threw the man a side look just to make sure he wasn’t planning to blind your grandmother.
“Shall I cut these?” Mr. Shelby proposed pointing at the potatoes, after your grandmother nodded he produced a knife from his pocket, making you gasp. “Everything alright Miss Y/LN?”
“If you excuse me, I’ll come back in a minute.” She raised her eyebrows at you before she left.
“Listen it’s just the two of us alright? I pay the taxes and give money to church but I won’t pay you for protection.” You should have kept your mouth shut but for some reason, adrenaline made you talkative and you were nervous, afraid for your life, for your grandma.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to collect any money.” He raised his hands in defense. “Your grandmother is adorable.”
“What?” You asked perplexed, thinking of a possible way to get out of the house safely.
“You heard me, I’m not here to do any harm to you or her.” He clicked his tongue. “She said you’re a smart woman, you’ve nothing to worry about.”
“Then why are you here?” Confusion was written all over you.
“She offered me tea and cookies… oh! And dinner.”
“You can’t stay!”
“Y/N! Where are your manners? That’s no way to treat such a gentleman.”
You couldn’t help but scoff at her words. Thomas Shelby a gentleman. He narrowed his eyes, and gave you an offended look.
“Set the table, I’ll finish this.” She ordered.
Doing as she asked, you went to collect the plates.
“Not that ones! The fancy set!” She instructed pointing the spoon at you.
Tommy chuckled at your surprised expression, but quickly looked down to continue his task chopping the vegetables.
But he’s a criminal! He’s a gangster! You wanted to say. Yet, she wanted to use the delicate china reserved only for important occasions.
Placing the plates, you took then the silverware from the drawer. Seconds later you heard them laughing over something he had said, your grandmother’s voice praising him for his sense of humor. She had no idea who he was! Or what he had done.
“And what did he say afterwards?” He asked your grandma, you found him leaning against the sink, his body turned to face her.
“He said, I swore I saw you first, it had to be me the one who would make the first move.” Your grandmother stated proudly.
Here she was, seventy something years old telling the number one Birmingham’s criminal her love story with your grandfather.
“I told him, of course honey, you chose me. He always thought it was him, but it was me the one who chose him.”
“How long were you married?” He asked with interest.
“Over fifty years, most of my life. Can you believe that?”
“That’s lovely.” He admitted. The words sounded so wrong in his mouth, he should be cursing or shouting.
“Dinner is ready.” Your grandma announced. “Y/N help our guest.”
You wanted to roll your eyes.
“Food smells amazing.” He complimented.
“Would you like a piece of bread? Tommy?”
“Grandma!”
“What? He says I can call him that.” She defended.
“Please.” He smiled and you groaned internally. “I’m going to wash my hands.”
As soon as he disappeared, your grandma grabbed your arm. “You need to put a smile on that face my darling, can’t you see? An educated gentleman is visiting us, he smells nice, has a sense of humor, is polite and handsome… have you seen his eyes? It’s like a piece of heaven!”
“So what? He’s a-”
“You need to find yourself a decent man, Y/N.”
“He’s not a decent man.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Grandma, he’s an arrogant, selfish and dangerous-”
“May I have this honor?” He asked interrupting your little disagreement, offering his arm to your grandma, he guided her tenderly towards the table. He probably heard everything you said.
“So, Tommy what is that you do?”
“I’ve a business, we sell car parts in different countries.”He wasn’t lying.
“I’ve never used a car!”
“Then I should take you for a ride.”
You felt about to combust, he was charming your grandmother and she believed him!
Grinding your teeth, you placed the food on his plate.
“I really appreciate this.” He gave you a twisted smile.
Your grandmother’s hand came to rest on his arm. “I’m so glad I came across you this afternoon. It’s been lovely to share this meal with you.”
“I’m flattered you think that.”
“You don’t have a wife waiting at home, do you Tommy?” Your grandma asked bluntly and you almost chocked on your food.
“No, Mrs Barwick. I’m not married.”
“How is that possible?” She shook her head. “You deserve a good woman!” Then, looking at you she said; “what was that tale I told you to find a husband?”
“I don’t know grandma, I’m done with my dinner if you excuse m-”
But the look she threw in your direction, made you reconsider leaving the table. Sometimes she didn’t need to use her words. One look was more than enough.
You took a deep breath uncomfortable, and it only grew as you could feel Mr. Shelby’s eyes on you.
“Your grandma mentioned you sell books.” He asked to ease the tension.
“Yes.”
“Oh but show him! About that collection you got.” Your grandma encouraged.
“What is it about? Eh?”
“She’s a great seller.” She praised.
“Oh.” Mr. Shelby’s eyes sparkled. He was having fun. “Really?”
He was the most irritating person you’ve ever met.
“It’s about the Greek mithology.”
“Fascinating.” He nodded. “Why don’t you stop by my office tomorrow? I’d like the entire collection.”
“That’s wonderful!” Your grandma beamed.
“All set then.” He ran his tongue over his lips and then, tilted his head. “You made me remember about my grandmother.”
“What was a she like?” Your grandmother asked, batting her lashes.
He had her eating from his palm deliberately.
Studying the man before your eyes, something changed inside you. How could he be so cold-hearted? He seemed like a total different person in that very moment, his guard was down, posture totally relaxed, he even had a smile on his face.
Catching you off guard, you had to look away from him.
“She was a gypsy princess.” His blue eyes filled with nostalgia. “Thanks to her I learned all about values like respect, loyalty. She showed me how to ride a horse and light a fire.”
“It must’ve been hard for her to be on the road.”
“Actually no, she loved to be free, said how nature provided us for everything we might need.” He explained all while his deep voice was dragging you into something you couldn’t name. “It’s getting late and I don’t want to keep you up. Thank you once again.”
“Thank you for a lovely evening Tommy, would love to have you again for dinner .”
He gave you another look, not so subtle this time.
“I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Not at all, right Y/N?” She pressed her elbow against your arm. “Walk him to the door my dear.”
Offering his hand to her, she whispered into his ear; “She doesn’t trust easily, you’ll need to work harder.”
Tommy tried to disguise his chuckle, after winking at your grandmother he thanked you too.
“I really enjoyed it, hope to see you around?” He arranged the peaky cap on his head and placed his hand on your arm.
“Goodnight Mr. Shelby.” Was all you could think of saying, still confused by everything that happened.
“Goodnight Mr. Shelby?” Your grandmother mimicked your voice. “You’ll need to do better next time, fix your hair, wear your new shoes… a little something! Y/N I placed him in a silver tray for you and you only said two words to him. Sweetheart you need to do something to catch his attention.”
Opening your mouth to protest, but she continued rambling. “But be discreet, you must stand out from the other women, don’t throw yourself at him, leave him wanting more,” her eyes sparkled in excitement. “A hand on his shoulder, hold his gaze… or pretend to brush something from his coat and then look at his lips.”
“Grandma, stop.” You blushed.
“Goodness, I can’t do anything else for you! He was right here!” She took the plates to the kitchen. “A smile might help, you need to ask him about his day, fix his handkerchief…”
“He was only here because you didn’t give him another option.” A sigh escaped your lips.
“My sweet girl, you’ve everything he needs,” she cupped your chin gently. “But you’re too shy! He kept staring at you…”
“I think your imagination is wild.”
“Y/NY/LN,” you stopped midway as she called your full name. Oh oh. “I like him to be my grandson-in-law… so you gotta do something soon.”
And knowing her the way you did, you realized there was no way back now. Once an idea got into her head, she wouldn’t let that slip away.
“I’ve been praying for this moment for so long!” You heard her say from across the room and then she mumbled something about that blue dress that suited you so well.
As you were about to clean the kitchen you heard a knock on the door. Opening, you were surprised to find the most terrifying man on your doorstep once more.
Your heart rate went up immediately, he was standing with his hands crossed in front of his body, head hanging low, you could only see his lips under the peaky cap.
“I’ll be waiting for you Miss Y/LN, tomorrow ten o’clock, I’ll make sure to send someone to help you with the books.”
“That won’t be necessary, I can carry them by myself.” You insisted, still unsure about his intention.
“Fairly well, as you wish.”
As he turned around to leave, something made you stop him.
“I want to thank you for helping my grandmother.” Never, in a million years you imagined you’d be grateful for something he did.
Lifting his jaw to stare at you with those piercing blue eyes that could set anyone into stone, he gave you a smile.
“I just did the right thing.” He cleared his throat. “You’ve nothing to be afraid of by the way, don’t believe everything you hear.”
“I just learned that, you can be considerate and charming sometimes.”
“Then consider yourself lucky,” he winked at you, “that doesn’t happen too often.”
Looking past your shoulder, Tommy noticed your grandmother’s head poking, moving her hands excitedly towards you.
****
Master list
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sanakimohara · 4 months
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“Love To Hate You” H.H.
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[ MDNI ]
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You were so oblivious. Never paying much attention to anything but your job and most people would commend you for it. The burden of working under a company like JYPE wasn’t for the weak and as a current staff member you were well aware of that. Being assigned to assist the company’s most influential boy group didn’t make your life any easier either but you enjoyed the challenge and always showed up to work with a smile and an enthusiastic personality.
Everyone thought you were too sweet and quiet to be doing such a taxing job. Many of the other staff would have to remind you to take breaks or at least stop and eat something since you tended to forget about things like that. Even the members noticed how dedicated you were to them, always bringing them delicious homemade meals on special occasions, or taking extra time and effort to situate their styling correctly. These small gestures were essentially a substitute for your lack of confident social skills.
You’d never let a detail get past you, made sure they were comfortable with everything you pick out, and are the first to assist them if something goes wrong.
Because of your docile and attentive manner they all took a liking to you very quickly. Chan even joked that you were essentially their honorary “baby” which at the time made you blush every time any of the members addressed you that way. You became a close friend with them and often found yourself spending time with the group when their schedules allowed it.
Most of the members became attached to you in their own ways -but not all.
As close as you were to the majority of Stray Kids, Hyunjin always seemed to keep his distance from you. He wasn’t cruel or intentional about avoiding you but it was obvious he was doing it. You didn’t say anything about it, never mentioned it to the other members either, and though you felt guilty for possibly making him uneasy you still were friendly in his presence. The nagging urge to confront him waded underneath your shroud of shyness and it didn’t help that Hyunjin could be intimidating sometimes.
That didn’t hinder the others from wanting you around though. It became normal for you to be around them beyond work obligations.
When you started coming around the dorm more often Hyunjin seldomly interacted with you. Although, more than a few times you’d caught him staring you down or eyeing any member who was close to you. He’d never say anything, nor would he directly focus on you if he didn’t have to, and this caused your nerves to be on edge when he entered the room.
The times he did give you the slightest attention ranged from randomly pushing a strand of hair behind your ear when you’d fix his outfits or a simple gesture like waiting to hold the door open for you when you’d drop by the dorms. To anyone else it just seemed like he being kind to you but it was obvious he didn’t do these things for any other staff…it was just you in particular.
This confused you further and one particular night after drinking through a few glasses of alcohol with Felix and Seungmin you wandered into Hyunjin’s room to finally confront him.
You felt nervous but the alcohol in your system overpowered your usual timid nature. Curiosity played a part in your sudden boldness as well but it was mostly the inevitable feeling of unease Hyunjin might harbor around you.
So, when you shuffled into his room and slid down the door as you closed it shut with a dazed look in your eyes Hyunjin wondered if you’d gotten lost trying to find Felix’s room instead.
That would be the only logical reason, he thought to himself.
If that wasn’t the case he prayed you wouldn’t stay long enough to notice the rising tent in his pants. He tried his best to hide it by leaning forward in his chair until his elbows rested on his knees which only left his face in your direct line of view. “Why are you here,” he asks with a slight smile, gaze slowly taking in your appearance, and you shifted slightly as he did. He was attempting to sound friendly but the question just came out rushed instead since his head was spinning at the sight of you.
You’d totally forgotten that it wasn’t at all proper to sit so leisurely with a skirt that short on. He could see everything you had to offer, your untouched mound so tenderly hidden behind lace underwear, and your sheer thigh high stockings elevating the bare skin of your thighs. Hyunjin took one glance at it all and had to remind himself it wasn’t right to take advantage of a sweet girl like you…even if you were practically asking for it.
The moral part of you knew readjusting your posture would be the respectful thing to do, but the other half wanted him to keep looking…at least now you’d have his full attention for once.
He couldn’t look away from you even if he tried…and he’d been trying since the first time the two of you met. Now, it just felt like pure torture to see you in a state like this. So vulnerable, powerless, and obnoxiously aware of the tension between you two.
“Why are you here,” he asks you again, forcing his gaze to remain on your face as you huff and lazily try pull your skirt down. You fail miserably though and the fabric just rides up your thighs higher. “Why do hate me…” you blurt the question out in a soft tone, as if you’ll cry if he doesn’t tell you the truth, and Hyunjin can’t help but to lick his lips at the sound. Hate you? Is that what you thought he felt towards you, hatred?
Hyunjin stifled a groan as the thought flooded his mind. All this time he’d been waiting for the right time to get closer to you and you show up in his room, drunk, almost in tears, and acting unintentionally seductive all because you think he hates you???
The irony made his cock jump with agitation and he forced himself to exhale steadily before saying anything else to you.
“I don’t hate you,” he responds honestly but you don’t believe him. “Yes, you do..” you mumble solemnly, hot tears begging to slip down your cheeks, and you tilt your head back against the wall to blink them away. An exasperated sigh leaves Hyunjin’s chest and he stands up from his bed to walk over to you. If his words couldn’t convince then he’d have to go to the extreme at this point.
“I don’t hate you,” he repeats himself, closing the distance between you two until he’s towering over your slumped form. This was the closest he’d ever gotten to you -that didn’t require you to be doing your job- and your heart beats rapidly realizing it. “Yes…yes you do Hyunjin,” you whisper and stare up at him defeatedly. “It’s okay if you don’t like me..” you assure him with a small smile and he rolls his eyes in annoyance. He knew you could naive and a little slow to realize when someone’s being genuine with you but it was only working him up more. He reached for one of your hands, placing it right over his evident bulge, “fuck,” he moans quietly at the forced contact and you watch as he rolls his neck to regain some of his composure before staring down at you again.
That was incredibly attractive for no reason, you think to yourself.
Your eyes go wide at the feeling his length, fingertips flush against his clothed cock as it twitches under your gentle touch. Hyunjin lets out a shakey breath, his bottom lip catching between his teeth as you gingerly palmed him as if you couldn’t believe he let you touch him, and you really couldn’t. “Does it feel like I hate you?,” his breath hitches as the question tumbles from his mouth and you shake your head slowly before whispering, “No..”
He twitches again, swallowing a sudden moan when you place a kiss on his covered hard on. You couldn’t help it, mind fuzzy from alcohol, and the newfound information of Hyunjin pinning over you rather than despising your presence sparking a need you didn’t know existed.
Hyunjin pried your hand away from his crotch, pulling you up to stand as he did so, and you stumbled forward into him from a lack of sobriety. His lips pressed onto yours without hesitation, tongue kissing you until your heavy breaths turned into soft moans. “I hate what you do to me,” he confesses his frustrations in the midst of your lips finding his and your core throbs hearing it. His hands wanders to the curve of your ass, hiking your skirt up high as he squeezes the warm flesh, and trails tender kisses across your neck.
You run your fingers through his hair, pulling the strands gently as he makes one mark after the next on your flushed skin. With his hands on your hips you’re eager to grind against him and he lets you until he’s brought you over to his bed. The back of your knees hit the edge and he gently shoves you down. “I hate that I can’t have you…can’t touch you whenever I want…can’t fuck you whenever I want..” Hyunjin groans as he comes to hover above you, grazing a hand down your leg to place it around his waist, effectively bringing your core right to the imprint of his cock. You stifle a yelp at the jolting contact, hips automatically lifting to feel more of him, and he allows it with a satisfied smile on his face. “Tell me you’ve wanted this to…that I’m not the only one..” his voice sounds so distant but it fills your head to the brim with lust. “You’re not the only one,” you reply breathily, head lulling back as he slips a hand between your thighs and rubs his thumb in circles over you covered clit. You clench around nothing as his touch stirs a familiar warmth in your core.
A blush paints your cheeks as his touch reveals how wet you are. You’ve practically ruined your underwear now and he makes it a point to admire his effect on you. “Is this just for me?” Hyunjin delves a finger past your folds without warning, adding another to stretch your tight cunt when he feels how easily you take the first. You tremble at the sudden invasion and moan out a broken, “Y-yes…” He hums in approval, curling his fingers forward until he finds the sweetest spot in your walls that makes you jolt underneath him as he abuses it. All while continuing to massage your clit in slow circles of his thumb.
“Ah…mmm Hyun-Hyunjin….” You can’t help yourself from moaning his name, lips forming a small ‘I’ shape as he focused on your pleasure.
You were sure that you’re high wasn’t far off and one look at Hyunjin concentrating on your every reaction didn’t help your stamina. Your hands reached for him and he immediately came close to you, sharing open mouthed kisses as he pumped his fingers lazily into you, every noise you made he quieted with a tender kiss, and soon your cunt contracted around his fingers before spilling your cum all over them.
“I’ve been waiting forever to do that,” he mutters into your ear, kissing it as a smile tugs at his lips. “Your pussy feels better than I imagined..”
You moan weakly in response and he occupies himself with marking up your neck again while his fingers slowly leave your weeping cunt. It felt like pure heaven when he takes a moment to play with your clit, edging you towards another high as he discreetly pulled his cock out of its confinement. You feel his length brush your inner thigh and you smiled at the promise of having it.
Hyunjin brushed a hand through your hair, the rings on them making it easier for him to fist a handful, and using the hold to force your head to the side. You whined at his rough gesture but couldn’t complain as he lovingly whispered in your ear, “I don’t hate you…but I’m going to fuck you like I do…” his word are met with a pathetic groan of anticipation from you, hips lifting to feel his cock slide up and down your slit. He lets out a sharp breathe, the hand in your hair tightening as you stimulate yourself with just his girth, and for a moment all hes capable of doing is enjoy it.
You’re so desperate to get off that when Hyunjin does push past your folds you instantly cry out loudly and have to steady yourself by clinging to him. He doesn’t wait for you to adjust to his size at all, keeping his promise about fucking you like he does actually hate you, and your body is on fire from the sensation. His hips create fluid and intense strokes, allowing his cock to reach places in your core you didn’t know could be touched.
His entire body envelopes your own, leaving no space between you two, and only amping up the amount of heated tension. “When we’re done you’ll never think I hate you again…” Hyunjin stays true to his word and by the next morning you don’t even question why you’re in his bed, curled up in his arms, with the sound of his heartbeat steadily resounding in your ear.
He’s never hated you. That much you’re sure of now.
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jpbradley · 9 months
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Which Primarchs committed tax fraud?
Lorgar claimed tax exempt status as a church. Cited a law from the Age of Strife, rejected after lengthy legal proceedings. Definitely did not instigate the Heresy to avoid paying his substantial fines.
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Sanguinius filled his form wrong. He managed to charm the investigating officer into allowing him to resubmit, but failed to file on the ground that he was murdered by Horus. A small percentage of Blood Angels are, to this day, afflicted with anxiety over an unfiled return.
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Roboute Guilliman 100% knows how to commit tax fraud, and how to get away with it. Of course he does. He's the tax man (Ultramar regional office). Hates Magnus for reasons we'll get to.
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Jaghatai Khan neither knows nor cares what taxes are. The Imperial Revenue took years to track down his address, and after several final demands an investigator visited only to find a lone postbox 300 miles from anywhere, half buried in unopened mail.
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Perturabo failed to declare assets 'inherited' from Ferrus Manus and is currently awaiting a trial date.
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Ferrus Manus has been given dispensation to defer his return for the tax year on the following grounds:
Being dead.
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Lion El'Johnson swears he knows how to commit tax fraud but simply never would. He's lying. He has no idea but would rather walk naked into the Warp than admit it.
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Vulkan keeps fastidious notes through the year which makes him very popular with his accountants. They try to convince him to expense his Drakeskin cloaks but he refuses as he wears them recreationally (despite the Salamander's 'business logo') and doesn't want to get into trouble.
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Fulgrim completed his return, he really did, but it wasn't right. Currently on his cogitator is 'Tax Return 3 FINAL (FINAL!!).tax' unsent.
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Leman Russ vaguely understands that tax is a thing. Thus far nobody can decide if the Space Wolves mix of raucous hospitality and space Viking intimidation towards investigators is a concerted effort to avoid paying or if they're just like that.
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Magnus has all the documentation to prove that he's paid. It's all right there. It makes absolutely no sense and somehow he's owed money? Guilliman is convinced he's full of it but hasn't been able to prove it and is quietly seething.
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Rogal Dorn pays in full and fully hates anyone who doesn't. He grumbles about it to anyone who will listen, usually within earshot of anyone he suspects isn't paying his way. Magnus & Conrad vocally agree with him. Guilliman leaves the room before he says something he'll regret.
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Alpharius definitely submitted a return. Nothing about it looks right, all the numbers are estimates, all the assets are in some kind of code but somehow it's already been stamped as accepted.
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Konrad Curze also vocally hates anyone who doesn't pay up. Secretly he hasn't paid in years. He is beyond the pretty laws of 'taxes' and with everyone focused on Lorgar, Perturabo and Magnus he's just slipped through the cracks, which he has taken as a silent endorsement.
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Corvus Corax wants to pay tax. He’s tried to pay tax. He’s sent several returns to the Imperial Revenue and still they haven’t taken the money. He’s beginning to get worried. He needn’t be. They have quite simply forgotten he exists and it's gone on too long for them to admit their mistake.
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Mortarion pays but hates everything about it. He thinks it's a personal slight and is convinced he is paying more than everyone else. He's right. This makes his whining no less annoying.
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Angron had taxes explained to him once and ol' Rusty's sacrifice is why Imperial Revenue officers can wear jeans on Fridays. Since then the IR has practiced a bold 'hands off' approach with the World Eaters, proving that violence is sometimes an answer.
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Horus absolutely pays his taxes. In Horusbux: A currency of his own devising. Lorgar attempted to trick Horus into a ponzi scheme, now all of his money is in Horusbux and he has no idea how it happened. Horus keeps on promising everyone massive returns, usually from the deck of his waryacht, the Live Forever II.
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fanby-fckry · 23 days
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You know what, I’m just gonna say it. I think that Alastor being aroace is part of the reason he’s so shippable to me.
Before you come at me, check the flag in my pfp; I’m aroace-spec.
Maybe it’s me projecting, maybe it’s because I love exploring relationships through an aroace lens, but goddamn. I ship him more than any other character and every time I do, his aroaceness is a major component in the ship.
Examples below the cut because it’s gonna get long:
📻🍎 || RadioApple:
There are so many versions of this dynamic and I am here for all of them.
We have the pre-canon kinky QPR that I show in UH3. I could talk about that all day, but to summarize:
Aroace x genuinely respectful allo is a dynamic that heals my soul.
Lucifer is less tied down by human constructs like amatonormativity, having never been human himself.
The Devil values consent.
Kinky cannibalism, kinky cannibalism, kinky cannibalism, kinky ca- *I am removed from the stage with a comically large hook*
Then we have the Evil and fucked up QPR dynamic:
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And of course, trying to get along for Charlie’s sake and eventually bonding over their shared love of dad jokes and musical theatre, both being violinists (yup, Alastor plays violin too, check the wiki) with niche hobbies/interests (ducks, furby organ) and accidentally winding up in a loving, healthy QPR.
📻🕸️ || RadioDust:
There’s something about an aroace and a sex worker who very rarely falls in love.
Angel would know that Alastor isn’t with him for sex, would know that he values Angel beyond his body.
With greyro Alastor, Angel and Alastor would both be inexperienced with romance, but in wildly different ways. Angel has never had a healthy romantic relationship and therefor tries not to fall in love. Greyro Alastor has probably experienced romantic attraction like less than three times in his 100+ years of existence.
And if Alastor never gains romantic attraction for Angel, that’s a whole other level to the dynamic.
It’s got some great angst potential with Angel wondering if he’s not good enough to love romantically or Alastor feeling guilty or confused as to Why It Hasn’t Happened Yet when he cares for Angel so deeply, and eventually it gets resolved with the two of them accepting that their attractions don’t have to match up for them to love/appreciate/care for each other and they smash the amatonormative relationship hierarchy as queer platonic partners.
Or, Angel’s just totally cool with it from the start because he’s spent decades in the kink scene and has potentially been exposed to more relationship anarchy than Alastor.
Kink and queerness have a great deal of historical and cultural overlap, and that includes aroace queerness. Because Angel’s had way more canon exposure to both, it’s possible he knows more about Alastor’s orientation than Alastor does, and I love the idea of Angel introducing him to terms or just being super chill about not labeling things.
📻♥️ || RadioHusk:
Drawing like 90% from pilot dynamic and headcanon on this. They’re just two old men. They get drunk and cuddle. Alastor is one of the few people who knows Husk can purr and takes advantage of this fact. Alastor considers Husk a friend in a fucked up, possessive way. Husk considers Alastor a pain in the ass, but does care about him on some level.
It’s Fucked Up and Evil QPR: Remix Edition.
And the versions where the author puts them through fanfic couple’s therapy and actually gets them into a healthy point in their relationship? One where Alastor no longer owns Husk’s Soul? *chef’s kiss*
📻🌹 || RadioRose:
For me, personally, this is an exclusively nonsexual, non-romantic ship. They’re besties; they’re QPPs. They’re married for the tax benefits and so that they cannot be forced to testify against each other in court.
Rosie knew Alastor was aroace before he did and rather than sit down and explain it to him, she decided to make ace puns.
📻💋 || RadioSiren: [edit, context here] RadioFemme
Ok, so this is entirely based on non-canon-compliant Lilith. Or, I guess, non-series-compliant Lilith. More of the old WOG stuff from the pilot era, with a healthy dose of headcanon for flavor.
I love the idea of Lilith and Lucifer having an open marriage; I love the UH3 style polycule dynamic.
Lilith being the original seductress and Alastor being aesthetically but not sexually or romantically attracted to her is very near and dear to my heart.
I’m an aroace with a voice kink who is aesthetically attracted to Lilith and I think Alastor is an aroace with a voice kink who would be aesthetically attracted to Lilith, ok?
📻📺 || RadioStatic:
I’m gonna be real with you, 90% of my interest in RadioStatic is in the one-sided version where Vox is a pathetic little incel simp and Alastor is either oblivious, mildly annoyed, or finds the whole thing hilarious.
Whenever there’s any reciprocation on Alastor’s part, I always imagine it being in a very aroace, very Alastor-esque way. He needs to be get something out of it completely unrelated to sex/romance. And he needs to be manipulative and sadistic in the process.
Whether that something is kink-related, a business transaction, or simply the quality entertainment provided by Vox being a cringefail TV-headed little bitch, I love to see it.
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pigidin · 1 month
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OKAY. Am I the only one fascinated by how much Alastor in s1 has interacted with other demons and built a potential for considerable amount of different, broad and unique relationships? With All of them being non-romantic/sexual?
I really don't wanna dive into the discourse of shipping coz honestly, I do think that erasing Al's aroaceness is not cool at all. Personally, I don't see him wishing any romance/sex at all, and well. Considering how platonic he actually is throughout the season, it kinda seems like people forget that friendship (or basically anything non rom-sex) exists in the first place.
Coz, like, let's see what we got::
Vox -- probably one-sided (psychosexual) crush from Vox with possible past friendship between them, them hating on each other yet having (used to have) some respect as well. The ANGST, the drama (for both of sides). Insert aroace troubles (possible aphobia from Vox? Or not? He may be biggest ally as well!) and Vox's petty feelings that are insanely interesting to explore (and laugh at).
Lucifer -- immediate hate that (with a course of events) can turn into forced bonding. The potential of queerplatonic parenting of Charlie is HUGE here. Insecurities from Al? Forced care? Banters? SHENANIGANS? Luci patching up Al after battle, prolly discovering his deal and them slowly bonding on shared interests? Hey.
Rosie -- literal established queerplatonic partners, married for tax benefits, spending their evenings gossiping, hating on Susan and Al rolling his eyes on another romance-rel drama Rosie was trying to help sb with. Rosie can have insane influence on him whether it is understanding modern things or just being with him when he needs it. It also gives off mom/son to me.
Husk -- fucked up master-pet not-friendship with probable care rooted since they were closer in past. Is it toxic? Yes. Is it giving off some problematic dynamic? Sure. Yet it's fucking complex on its core considering pilot, bits and pieces of their interaction and how easily Husk used to insult Al until he overstepped. Them two are quite similar if you think about it and if Al got over his ego it could benefit him a lot.
Niffty -- daugther/father dynamic with them sharing one sadistic-psycho braincell and genuinely enjoying each other's quirks. Protective Al? I just need more Niff and them two being partners in the most outrageous crimes.
Mimzy -- friendship going since they were humans, with them having an amazing (potential) backstory of sharing evenings on two. Al enjoying her company as well as being protective and helpful to her with nothing in return.
Charlie -- manipulated into trusting you as a dad figure? Don't tell me there is nothing below Al's creepy plans or that he wouldn't grow to care for her. He already is proud of her and finds amusement in her inspiration-skills (also, performance is his thing for a reason)
Angel -- I was honestly kinda upset we didn't see any interactions between them except one sex joke, coz my past era of Hunicasts was a fuel to their duo. Them bonding over how different they are is the best description of their dynamic. Also banters and body-puns.
You can't just erase Alastor from interacting with people, but putting him inside boxes of allonormative relationships while he has such a fucking huge potential for everything beyond just that - is quite.. disappointing. People turning a blind eye to a wide variety of relationships he can have (potential to which is set in canon) for the sake of just romance/sex is low key sad.
It's AWESOME to see ppl actually understanding it and.. damn THANKS to everyone who explores Al's relationship with others without it involving final wish to stick tongues into places. Dynamics can be interesting and exciting without it.
I really don't wanna project my romance-aversion onto Al, but when romance and sex is one thing you see everywhere.. it's hard to just let it slip.
You are allowed to do whatever you want, exploring physical intimacy is fun as well, and having Al, well, there are bunch of ways to show it with respecting his orientation and the fact that IT AFFECTS RELATIONSHIPS/ATTRACTIONS but please just don't make it the center of your attention, the one thing relationship revolves around, coz sadly it's just exactly how it looks like from some folks.
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essektheylyss · 5 days
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This was entirely tangential to this post from @utilitycaster which is why this is its own post, but the tags made me think about what feels most compelling about Liliana to me, and it's really because there's such an interesting approach to redemption in terms of the sunk cost fallacy to be had there.
There have been plenty of comparisons between Liliana and Essek, but I don't think they're really situations that can be compared. Essek had done one horrible thing (that was of relevence to the story; it is implied that he's taken other actions that he feels were wrong, but we don't know what those entail nor do the Nein care enough to ask, so per narrative convention, they do not matter for analysis) and was only still involved in it to the extent that he couldn't take it back, so to survive he had to continue covering his tracks. But he was also incentivized to otherwise act in alignment with the group that was not those on behalf of whom he had made terrible choices, because he was still living in the Dynasty, and as such wasn't actively perpetuating those actions beyond the cover up.
Liliana on the other hand is acting with the Vanguard and has been furthering if not personally committing atrocities on their behalf for a number of years, continuing to the present. Like Essek, she believes her involvement in the cause to be a difficult choice that was made for noble reasons, and now can't see a way out. But she is also relieved to be told to stay, though at the point that they discuss her leaving, she is alone and outside the immediate range of contact or oversight from the Vanguard. It seems reasonable that she could disappear with a decent headstart, and perhaps become untraceable quickly enough to be safe from anyone following. With this context, returning to the Vanguard with the intention of feeding information to the opposition feels like the riskier choice, but crucially it is the devil she knows.
I actually liken this more to Cassandra de Rolo than Essek. Cassandra was manipulated against her brother by the Briarwoods, but this was also spurred by having watched Percy seemingly leave her for dead. There are legitimate reasons why the Briarwoods, as the people who rescued her and then kept her alive for many years, are the easier option in which to place her trust. She knows what she's getting from that vantage point and how to handle it. She doesn't inherently have faith that someone she only knew as a young and helpless child, who ran from the hardships she's faced, would have the strength or willingness to do what she has found necessary for survival.
I think that Liliana's actions are more willful, not least because she was not a child nor in mortal peril when she joined the Vanguard, but she sees herself as having made difficult choices when only faced with difficult options, and I do think they have been difficult. She didn't want to leave her family; she doesn't want to hurt the young Ruidusborn under her care; she is probably genuinely sorry that innocent people were considered a necessary sacrifice for what she sees as the greater good. It is psychologically taxing to feel as though one is always picking between bad options, which is a significant contributing factor for why people buy into a sunk cost for so long. And over time, those hard decisions become easier, because you know what to expect from the outcome. Though Liliana is well aware that she might be killed for a misstep among the Vanguard, she already knows how to act to maintain their favor, but how she might be received on Exandria by those fighting the Vanguard, even with the Hells vouching for her, is anyone's guess.
This is a very real reason why people remain in cults and struggle to push back against this kind of conditioning: because the decision to leave feels more immediately perilous than the decision to stay. (On a certain level making these kinds of choices and actions habitual is a fundamental basis behind a lot of military conditioning.) And if you are acting in the interests of your own survival, but that survival comes at the cost of that of countless others who have not, in fact, made any threat or harm against you to begin with, then is the nature of your survival morally defensible?
This analysis isn't a question of whether Liliana will commit to her role as double agent and turn fully against the Vanguard, or even which one of these is a "better" story; this is about what the story might say if she doesn't. Yes, she might commit to a different path than the one she's on and make an effort to redeem herself, but it is also a perfectly coherent and interesting story if she doesn't.
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sugar-plum-writer · 3 months
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A Heian Era Affair
Paring: GojoSatrou!ModernEra x FemReader!HeianEra! Tags: Fem!Reader; Gojo!imagines; slight!mention of violence; 18+ as more chapters come; slow burn [I want to have a good build up~ just like my Sukuna series fic~]; An ancient Japan romance through time with reader Text: Gojo ends up in the Heian Era through unknown reason (will be reveled later on) and meets reader and hence journey begins both of adventure and romance~ [If you all like it, please heart and reblog the post! to know you want to read more~ and follow for chapter updates! or leave a comment to tag you when I put out new chapters~ I will do my best to roll out UPDATES ASAP!]
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CHAPTER - 1
The bamboo trees rustled as the cool wind blew, almost hauntingly as if carrying a message from another side of the world. Wiping your sweat with a ragged cloth, you stumbled and walked while carrying a bucket of water to your old wooden house.
It was hard to make a living, the minister of your area was evil, exploiting the people to death, and raising taxes beyond what people could pay. It was a nightmare- no worse at least you could wake up from nightmares but what about reality? can you wake up from it?
Sometimes you wanted to barge in and rip his head off. Too bad you could not, the guards were too strong, and with your strength you doubt you could ever survive.
Sighing, you returned to the river to fill your bucket again.
You had just bent over when a strong gust of wind started blowing out from nowhere, the trees shrieked as the water rippled- throwing you back 10 feet away with a slam- making you hit a tree. The sharp pain made your back go numb. As you tried to get up staggering- the wind kicked up a notch increasing it's speed and power like a cyclone. Your eyes widened in horror as you looked at what was happening- a big black hole appeared in the middle of the river; with water distorting around it and floating up defying gravity.
"What on-"
Before your brain could comprehend what just happened, a white-haired man flew out of the hole towards you, slamming into you-
Bang
Opening your eyes, you tried to get up, but- found the man on top of you, your legs intertwined together, he groaned as he tried to stand
"Ugh"
His voice was deep causing you to freeze a moment, but you came back to your senses and pushed him off
"Who are you!? You demon!" you screamed as you looked at him
"Me? Ah I am Gojo Satoru and no I am no demon, it's the first someone has called me a demon! sure I might be tall but it does not mean I am a demon haha~" he smiled as he looked at you helping you stand up
"What-!? but you j-"
"Do you know where this is? I am a bit in a hurry"
"This is Mizushima village…."
He paused
"What?…. since when did we have a Mizushima village in Japan? Isn't Mizushima an Island!? which prefecture even is this?"
"Prefecture? Our village is part of the Minamoto Clan on the West side"
He paused longer this time
"Minamoto Clan?…"
"Yeah"
"eh?" he froze as he cocked his head to the side
"For real?"
"Yeah"
"I….what-what era is this?" his voice trembled a bit
"This is the Heian Era…the year is 1185…" You looked at him as he stood grounded on the spot contemplating the meaning of his life
Now that you observed him, he was wearing weird clothing the fabric was also very different from what you had ever seen, it was so smooth and very different from cotton- almost otherworldly
"Is he a noble? from Heian-kyo?", you thought to yourself and backed away a bit
"I am…1000 years in the past oh shit"
"Shit? What does it mean? which part are you from? your Japanese is very weird" You looked at him even more confused, even his accent was weird and some words he used were different
"Ah…." he looked at you struggling to explain
"You see…I am from the future more than 1000 years from the future, I know it sounds absurd but..it is the truth" he looked at you seriously meaning every word he said
"Huh? What-what bullshit are you saying? Are you a psycho? possessed?" you looked at him bewildered
"What is bullshit?" he looked at you confused
"I-I am leaving; good day to you, to ask what bullshit means I- you should find a priest" Picking up your bucket you hurried away wondering why you always met weirdos
"Wait-!" he yelled but you turned deaf to his words and ran as fast as your feet allowed you to.
You ran as fast as you could but he appeared in front of you almost like magic
"Please listen to me! I am not lying!!" he grabbed you by the shoulders frantically
"I really am from the future!"
"You freak let go of me!! AHHHHH!" you punched him doing little to no damage and screaming
This continued for some time, you running and him teleporting wherever you were it went on for a few hours and soon both of you sat panting on the ground
"Man…you sure got some stamina.." he wiped the sweat off his forehead simultaneously removing the blindfold
You froze- his eyes- were breathtaking; looking into them your heart exploded like fireworks, so serene, it felt like you were looking at the sky itself. You had never seen such eyes ever
How can someone be this good-looking?
"What? too captive by my looks~ Ah I guess even in the Heian Era I am attractive~" he leaned in with a smirk causing you to look away blushing crimson
"Who would!? you demon! Get away!"
He pouted a bit disappointed
"H…How do I believe you are from the future? And your powers? What are you?"
"I am a sorcerer from the Gojo Clan and…as for how I am from the future…" he scratched his head
"Got it!"
He smirked and took out a weird looking box and opened it
"Here try some, I bet you have never eaten something like this! It is a cheesecake that too from a very famous shop"
With swift movement from his hands, he put the cake in your hands, its scent was sweet, it was jiggly- even a bit liquid-y making you wonder if it was poison
"You...you sure humans can eat this?" your hands trembled as you held the plate
"Yes, it is! here~" he took the fork in his hands and ate a small bite of the cake- grinning
"Ah it really is good~"
Seeing him eat it and look so elated you also wanted a bite- how bad could it be? with a gulp and sharp breath you took a bite- a bite so good it made your eyes light up-
The flavor was exploding in your mouth, it had a rich and creamy flavor with a slightly tangy and sweet taste. The texture was smooth and dense melting in your mouth it felt like heaven.
"It must be so expensive....even in death I doubt I could eat something like this.."
He paused for a moment but then a smile crept up his lips
"Eh it was nothing just enjoy~" he winked
"You should see your reaction~ now that's a nice expression! It makes me wonder what other reactions you can make if I gave you other things~" smirking he leaned in his breath inches away from yours
"So...Do you believe me now?"
"....Yeah" nodding you took another bite
"Yay! Thank you~ please look after me from now on~"
[Link to my master list~ enjoy!]
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