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youremyheaven · 2 months

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Outcaste Nakshatras: The Misfits & the Misunderstood

Yesterday I made a post about how outcaste nakshatra natives tend to be anti-establishment thinkers and how many of the most well known radicals & revolutionaries of our world tend to have Outcaste nakshatras.

Outcaste or Mleccha nakshatras belong outside the caste system and aren't given a place in the caste hierarchy. Shudra nakshatras are the lowest caste to occupy the hierarchy. Mleccha is considered lower than that and thus outside the system.

(Ashlesha, Bharani, Shravana and Vishaka are the Mleccha nakshatras)

Thus it comes as no surprise that those who have Outcaste naks often experience being socially outcast, excluded and like they don't belong anywhere.

Shudra nakshatras also experience these themes to a certain degree as these two are at the lowest end of the pyramid.

Shannen Doherty (middle) was fired from 2 shows, Beverly Hills 90210 and Charmed because of issues among the cast members & rivalry between them. When she was starring in 90210, her fellow cast member Tori Spelling whose father Aaron Spelling produced the show, asked her dad to fire Shannen. Aaron Spelling also produced Charmed and subsequently fired her after 3 seasons due to her conflict with cast member Alyssa Milano, who later admitted that she was responsible for a lot of the tension at work. Rose McGowan who replaced Shannen on Charmed also accused Milano of creating a toxic work environment.

Shannen acquired a "bad girl" reputation and was known for being "difficult to work with"🙄I feel like she was pushed into a corner by her male producers and bitchy co-stars and felt excluded among them as a girl from a small town in Tennessee :(

She has Revati Sun, Vishaka Moon, Uttaraphalguni Rising and Ketu in Ashlesha

Revati is a Shudra nak whereas Vishaka & Ashlesha are Mleccha naks

Isaiah Washington was fired from Grey's Anatomy for using a homophobic slur against gay co-star T.R Knight. Washington has come out saying that this is false and that he said the f word during a dispute with Patrick Dempsey who had a tendency to provoke him (he apparently said: "Isaiah, do you know that white men are the masters of the universe?")

He also said that he was always excluded on set and they tried to pay him to NOT audition for the role. Washington also claimed that star Ellen Pompeo was given millions of dollars to stay silent about Dempsey's on-set behaviour in the #MeToo era, and alleged that she was racist, saying, “She really thinks that she’s cool with Black people like that, but she’s not.” There have been many rumours over the years about Greys being a toxic work place so tbh I am inclined to believe him.

He has Ashlesha Sun, Uttarashada Moon and Jupiter in Revati amatyakaraka

Not everyone tries to expose their former bosses or colleagues but given his Moon in a Kshatriya nakshatra (or warrior nak) I see how he's brave enough to risk everything to speak his truth.

Brendan Fraser has had a lot of setbacks in his career and for a good period he just sort of disappeared from Hollywood; in recent years he has come out saying that it's because he was blacklisted by the then President of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association who had sexually assaulted him. He did make a career comeback and won an Oscar but man's been through a lot in life.

He has Jyeshta Sun, Krittika Moon & Bharani Rising

Although he has a Mleccha nak in his big 3, since he also has a Brahmin & Vaishya nak, he has enjoyed immense public support and sympathy which not very many other people on this list have. Not everybody gets to make Oscar winning comebacks either.

Tatjana Patitz was one of the 90s supers (she's the one in the back in this picture) but unlike Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington or Cindy Crawford, she's hardly ever mentioned in conversations about the 90s OG supermodels. She received very little press coverage and unlike the others who've made career comebacks or enjoyed sustained fame, Tatjana kind of vanished. She unfortunately passed away in 2023 from breast cancer and even then I haven't seen the industry mourning for her or anything :(

Tatjana had Bharani Moon

George Clooney has spoken about how in high school, he was nicknamed Frankenstein because of Bell's palsy which caused the whole left side of his face to be paralysed, his eye rarely opened and he had problems with eating. Because of the constant bullying, he had to move to another school. After a change of scenery and active sports, the disease receded.

George has Bharani Sun, Uttarashada Moon, Shatabhisha Ketu & Rising and Mercury in Krittika atmakaraka

Even though majority of his naks are Mleccha/Shudra, he subsequently became an A list actor and enjoys immense wealth, popularity and good will. His moon is in a Kshatriya nak and his atmakaraka is in a Brahmin caste nak. He fought his way up.

Amal Clooney was born in Lebanon into a well-off family but they had to flee Lebanon due to the civil war and settle in England. Amal is a human rights lawyer whose clients include refugees. (I had previously spoken about the outcaste nakshatra tendency to be anti-establishment or to dedicate their life to causes which had initially affected them personally).

Amal has Shravana Sun, Jyeshta Moon and Venus in Dhanishta atmakaraka. Due to the presence of Vaishya naks, she gets to support these causes from a position of immense privilege and champions them through her position as a lawyer, i.e, using her intellect not armed struggle or some other form of activism.

Megan Fox's career was full of ups and downs and for a period she was pretty much blacklisted from Hollywood and labelled "difficult to work with"🙄

She has Krittika Sun, Ashlesha Moon and Purvashada Rising

Even though her moon is in a Mleccha nak, due to her other luminaries being in Brahmin naks she's enjoyed immense popularity among the public for years and has always enjoyed a certain status or level of fame (largely due to her looks but honestly Hollywood is full of gorgeous women, how many enjoy the same popularity or public interest as Meghan?).

Billie Eilish, Shravana Moon grew up lower middle class and was home-schooled. Even though now she's rich & famous, she still acts like an outcast and "does not fit in".

Angelina Jolie, Revati Moon & stellium has spoken a lot about being unpopular in school, being a punk, being misunderstood. She has Mercury in Mrigashira atmakaraka and Saturn in Punarvasu as her chart ruler

Revati is a Shudra nak, Punarvasu also experiences themes of being an outcast, Mrigashira nak has themes of abuse.

It makes sense as to why she has dedicated most of her life to helping refugees and championing numerous causes and has even said if she were young now she would never have become an actor. She enjoys immense popularity and is very privileged (lots of Vaishya gana naks in her chart) but to this day she's condemned for her weird behaviour in the 90s and early 2000s and can never seem to shed her past image completely which is crazy because she's not the first or last person to have an affair with a married man (not condoning adultery just saying that it happens all the time in Hollywood and people hardly bat an eye but for her, her reputation as a homewrecker has come to define her).

Claire Nakti had done a survey on nepo babies and concluded that Revati was the most common nakshatra among them. This is very interesting to me because I feel like most Revati nepo babies including Angelina, Jamie Lee Curtis, Robert Downey Jr etc acquire fame that far exceeds that of their parents. It eclipses any privilege they already had; all these individuals are far more successful than their parents ever were. Obviously being privileged helps and this does not apply to all Revati nepo babies ofc but many people mentioned on the list are total superstars who you'd never guess came from famous families, this is to say that they're not famous for being famous or because of their families, they're icons in their own right.

And even with Angelina, she grew up with a single mom and was estranged from her dad for most of her life so her upbringing was rather modest even with the showbiz ancestry she had.

Olga Tokarczuk has Shravana Sun, Vishaka Moon & Purvaphalguni Rising

Olga is a Polish writer who is known for the weird, quirky, mystical, and philosophical nature of her novels (She received the Nobel Prize in Literature in 2018). It can be said that many of her characters live on the fringes of society but have a very strong sense of justice and fairness despite their position that renders them powerless. She has 2 Mleccha naks in her big 3 and a Brahmin one, I thought this particular quote was very interesting because its Mleccha naks who acutely understand the nature of human suffering but the Venus ruled Brahmin nak insists on how being deluded, that our psyches prevent us from seeing the true nature of human suffering. If you saw everything exactly as it was, you'll die. In order to live, you must be willing to be deluded.

Lindsey Lohan, Ardra Sun, Bharani Moon & Mrigashira Rising plays a social outcast in Mean Girls who tries to infiltrate a popular girls group (despite having a Shudra & Mleccha nak, her Vaishya asc helps her ascend the social hierarchy to some extent). The movie ends with her having managed to destroy the clique of the Plastics and create a new social order at her highschool.

Miley Cyrus is a Vishaka Moon & Demi Lovato is a Bharani Moon and its pretty well documented how they both didn't feel like they "belonged" or "fit in". They rebelled in different ways and have opened slammed Disney on multiple occasions.

Presley Gerber who has the word "misunderstood" tattooed on his face has Ardra Sun, Dhanishta Moon, Jyeshta Rising and Ketu in Shravana

Ardra is a Shudra nak, Shravana is a Mleccha nak whilst Dhanishta & Jyeshta are Vaishya naks

As a result of feeling left out, misunderstood, isolated, excluded etc Mleccha nak natives often tend to keep to themselves and are very very private. They are loners at heart.

This is by no means a comprehensive list but off the top of my head here's a bunch of celebrities who are very low-key and very private. There are no rumours, no pap photos, nothing, just silence (for the most part).

L to R

Denise Richards- Vishaka Moon

Christian Bale- Shravana Sun, Mars in Bharani amatyakaraka

David Duchovny- Ashlesha Sun

Shakira- Shravana Sun

Elijah Wood- Shravana Sun

Harry Styles- Shravana Sun

Saoirse Ronan- Bharani Moon

Penelope Cruz- Bharani Sun

Beyonce- Vishaka Moon

Uma Thurman- Bharani Sun

L to R

Charlize Theron- Ashlesha Moon

Amanda Seyfried- Ashlesha Moon

Joseph Gordon-Levitt- Ashlesha Moon

Paul McCartney- Ashlesha Moon

Ryan Gosling- Vishaka Sun

Adam Driver- Vishaka Sun

Leonardo DiCaprio- Vishaka Sun

All of these celebrities maintain a pretty low profile and only interact with the press when they're promoting something.

only 30 images are allowed per post acc to tumblr so there will be a part 2!!

I hope this post spreads some light into the nature of Outcaste naks, I have a lot more research that I'll share in my next post<33

#astrology notes #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #vedic astro notes #nakshatras #astrology #vedic astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astroblr #jyotish #vishaka #ashlesha #bharani #shravana

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bronx-bomber87 · 4 months

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Happy Saturday all :) We only have 5 eps left in this season. I can’t believe it. 17 days to the premiere. Well 18 for me since I don't have cable just Hulu but still. Ahhh the Dim and Juicy Ep. I remember the 3 week hiatus to get to it was the worst. Felt like we had a lot of extended breaks in S5. Drove me insane. But anything is better than the one we’re coming out of now ha I’ll take 3 weeks over 9 months any day heh.

I liked the parallel in this how unhealthy Jake/Sava were. And how solid Tim and Lucy are. I mean Dim And Juicy were a mess. My god the man cheated on her more than once. They are not relationship goals lol I enjoyed them nonetheless though. I know Eric and Melissa had a blast filming this. Did my best to get everything in. Content heavy one. Let us get started.

5x18 Double Trouble

We hit the ground running in this one. Sava is waiting for Jake outside of prison. He’s getting released due to overcrowding. Not because he was good LOL Even Sava makes a crack it wasn't that. Been serving about 6 months for the drug charge got in 4x22. It’s a trip to watch them. We get all the benefits of Melissa and Eric’s chemistry inside another couple. It's wild. Sava all but squee's when she see's Jake which is pretty cute.

They launch themselves at each other once he’s free. All kisses and hands. Saying how much they missed each other. All the chemistry and swaying cuteness that comes with them. This scene is pretty cute to watch. They do look like they are so in love which makes what Jake does later so confusing and awful tbh. He greets her friend Lisa with a hug and you can see Sava breaks it up pretty quickly.

Sava brings Jake back to her side. Asking what he wants to do first? Being the classy gentlemen he is saying she knows what. Ha Horny horn dogs. I do love it though. it’s like getting the most reckless AU version of Tim and Lucy. Although they wouldn’t cheat so it’s not entirely accurate lol Sava asking him if he wants to go straight? Jake replying 'Nah, screw that. Let's be bad.'

This leads us into the documentary. Shots of Jake and Sava during it. My god they are sex crazed af. I think that’s why everyone loved watching them though. heh They legit were gonna make a sex tape and got caught LOL I remember being so excited and confused as to what this episode was going to be ha. All I knew was going to be a documentary one and I always have a soft spot for these ones.

We start off with Lucy getting mic’d up. She looks way more nervous this time around. Why you ask? Her person isn’t with her. Her safe space and grounding force is missing. She even asks why she can’t be interviewed with him? They want their POV's to be separate this time. It’s so sweet she misses him and needs his presence to calm her nerves. This makes me so happy I cannot.

We watch her take a deep breathe knowing they have to be apart. They ask how Lucy knew of Jake Butler in the first place? Lucy goes on to explain about Tamara’s car and drugs they found in it. Which led them to Jake. They bring up the fact he and Tim look alike. Tim is already grumpy and hates these damn things. What happens when you remove him away from his sunshine human.

He’s extra grumpy. It shows in his very first shot. His body language screaming how much he doesn’t want to be here. The crossed arms (mmm hello biceps.) Tim defiantly saying how they don’t look the same at all. Refusing to believe they are anything alike. Other than looks Jake is the complete opposite of everything Tim is for sure. He’s so sassy and salty when the director says they’re identical. ‘Says you.’ Oh my love. I adore you.

They come at Lucy with both barrels about being Dim and Juicy for their OP in 'Double Down.' Knowing their ‘pretend’ intimacy was so much more than that. Lucy looks like she’s getting overwhelmed poor thing. She tries to divert it back to what they accomplished with their OP. Not the fact that they were UC together as a couple. The director presses more asking if that’s when her and Tim became intimate?

There’s a reason they pulled Tim from her for these questions. He would’ve knocked this guy out for them being so personal. Also for making her feel uncomfortable asking them. She can’t even look the man in the face when she says this BS line about pretending. Cause it’s utter crap and she knows it. Yeah they were in other relationships at the time. To quote Angela from 5x01 ‘All true. Not what I asked.’

Lucy defending them both. Saying they didn’t get together until they were both single. Which is true and I am eternally grateful for. Do love her making sure everyone knows this. That they didn’t do anything untoward during their OP. Cause they wouldn’t while in relationships. Not who they are. They were damn close but didn't. Why they are the opposite of Jake/Sava. The director says he wants to dial in on that. Lucy becoming agitated asking do we really have to?

These questions clearly getting under her skin. The director noting it’s astronomical they would even meet the both of them. Let alone have both Jake/Sava together and her and Tim as well in a relationship. Before she can answer Tim interrupts says interview is over. She asks what's wrong? He tells her not here.. Lucy thinking it’s linked to questions she’s being asked. I love him holding the door for her as they leave. Ever the gentlemen.

The closeness and height difference is glorious in this shot. You can tell when they’re alone by her body language Lucy goes into calm down Tim mode. Her hand reaching out for his and subtly touching it. Thinking she has to get him to settle down for hearing those questions. Before Lucy can talk Tim explains why he removed her. Has nothing to do with that. He pulled her over because Jake has gone missing. Doesn’t want to do police work in front of the cameras. Saying Nolan and Celia got missing persons call and it’s about Jake. Lucy is shocked saying 'What?'

Nolan and Celina show up and Sava is freaking out cause Jake is missing. The director asks why Jake and Sava are at a mansion in Beverley Hills? We find out they’ve been casing rich families. Taking over jobs like handy man, nanny etc so they can live in these fancy houses and steal their stuff. It’s pretty smart despite being awful LOL This last family needed a handy man. Jake beats the crap out of the current one. Strong arms his way into taking his job.

I do love seeing how tall he is in that camera shot. mmm. Tall drink of water that man. Jeans and a leather jacket? Yum. Gimme. Luckily this family needed a nanny as well. So they both fit right into this scenario. Angela saying Sava slid right in LMAO I’m dying at Wes’s reaction. They’re so cute I can’t stand it. I do love me some Wopez. He tells her that's a really descriptive way to say it HA These documentaries always produce the funniest little moments like this. Why I love these and have a soft spot for them.

We return to Nolan’s and Celina questioning Sava. She is still panicking. Saying this is why she didn't want to call the cops. Nolan noting because they're doing something illegal? She tries to defend their jobs there. That they're "straight" now. John gets her back on track by saying Jake disappeared? We cut to another video slash moment. Sava and her videos ha it is super cute how he looks at the camera. That smile we all love. Jake saying she needs to remind him to erase security footage. My god they’re sex bunnies LMFAO. He gets up to grab another beer and asks if she wants anything? She said lobster salad.

The ass tap he gives her on his way to get another beer. my goodness. I love it. Reeling over here. Don't worry about me. They must’ve had so much fun filming this. I mean Eric mentioned it was one of fav eps of the season. The BTS they did leading up to his showed how much they enjoyed it. Her little dance after he says he’ll get her lobster salad. Haha Sava just living her best life in this moment and it’s showing. Sadly this is the last time Jake is seen alive on camera.

We find out Jake took off and never told Sava where he was going. Which is heartbreaking. Because she clearly loved this man very much. Moral compass or not she loved Jake. That gets them on the topic of lying and secrets in a relationship. They ask her if Tim and her keep secrets? Lucy says nothing big.

That honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. Cutting to Tim and his reply I’m rolling. Eric killing it in this episode with his sarcasm. The king delivers once again. I mean he’s not wrong he is sitting there because of her secret. Well intentioned secret though LOL One born out of love. This one was funnier than the other two I thought. Just lots of funny/punchy bits like this one. I enjoyed it so much.

We return to station. Aaron’s calling in he found a body. That it’s Tim. The expressions in this scene are primo. First off Lucy and Celina's confusion is hysterical. Standing next to him and hearing this when he's very much not. Tim looks so annoyed Aaron couldn’t tell it wasn’t him LOL Also irritated at the thought of being dead. Like he's insulted he would ever be dead in a dumpster haha Oh Tim I love you so much.Like Aaron you’re all looking for Jake and your mind goes to Tim LMAO Never gonna live this down my dude....

Tim grabbing Lucy’s radio off her hip is doing things to me. I also adore the looks when he does. She just allows it only looking down. Such a deep level of comfortability in this action too. Lucy doesn’t react at all. Just used to Tim and his antics. It’s the little glances through out this portion love too. Tim's look into the camera cracking up as well. Like this friggin dope thinking i'm dead... His face the literal version of SMH ha I loved this mini moment so much.

They ask Tim if it was disconcerting he saw a version of himself dead in the dumpster? Being Tim he’s not going to show a documentary crew of all people his vulnerability. That’s reserved for one person and one person only. We shoot back to Lucy who says she has nightmares. God I can only imagine the nightmares seeing that produced for her though. Even though it wasn’t him you know she carried that with her when they left.

I bet you she had nightmares that night and Tim had to soothe her. Damn that would be good fic... LOL Anyways they ask Lucy if she thinks Tim has nightmares? Lucy tells them no but he’s been doing the job longer. I love her defending his high walls though. Saying why they’re in place. Not wanting them to judge him for it. Refusing to let anyone cast a negative light on him.

The director asks if she’s jealous he can turn it off like that? Lucy’s answer is great because it’s very her. Telling them No. Personally she needs to feel for people it’s who she is. I totally get that I am a massive empath. It’s how I connect with people as well. It has it's downsides it’s true but worth it in the end. When they ask her bout his walls being an issue? I LOVE her smile. Because those walls have never really been an issue. A challenge for Lucy yes in slowly breaking his down over the years. But never an obstacle for them.

We all know she saw behind his walls very early on in their relationship. Saw the man hiding behind that wall. Tim has been a soft marshmallow for her for YEARS. Legit years. Why she has zero hesitation in her reply. He was soft for her long before they got together. It’s just now he allows himself to fully be this way openly and he’s ok with it. Well when they’re alone he is. Of course he’s going to be rough and grumpy with the crew. They’re not his person. Nor would he ever tell them he was soft for her.

That's not Tim Bradford at all. But his actions speak louder than his words ever could. You have to earn that out of him though. Lucy earned it million times over. Why she is the only one who gets to see it. Does crack me up the way the director says. ‘No sir....’ After Tim asks him if he looks like a big softy? You know Tim loved instilling that fear in him. He may be super gone for his wife. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t command fear and respect around everyone else. These two the epitome of Grumpy x Sunshine per usual. Tim is hard ass unless you’ve made past his wall. He loves Lucy most so she gets all the soft goodies haha

Sava shows the director a video she’s scared to share with the team after being questioned. Thinking they’re gonna use it against her. It’s a video of them driving around being all cute. Saying I love you to the camera and such. But then get run off the road in an attempt to kill them. Their car gets totaled and Jake has them bail completely. Car and everything they leave behind. They were able to locate the car for evidence after they see this.

They couldn’t get anything from the car scrapings unfortunately. Had the most common paint out there. So another layer was added to this mystery. Who was the driver? Sava then gets a text threatening her about an item she had no idea about. One that needed to be delivered. It was sent to her and Jake. The texts went on to be violent in nature toward Sava. So it was time for Lucy to go UC to figure this out. Meet up with this person threatening her.

Thanks to Lucy’s UC Op the SL finally has some answers. The guy contacting them was related to Jake they were cousins. He was into some shady stuff and was an international arms dealer. This where I really feel bad for Sava. She had no idea about these back ally dealings he was doing. Not only that but he was cutting her out of the deal on top of it. That Jake targeted this family for a specific reason and she had no idea. Makes me sad when she says she thought he loved her oof.

That she knew him. Pretty sad. We find out later through Sava. That Jake always had a burner phone. They were able to get that number through this whole thing with the shady cousin. It’s where we find out Jake was cheating on Sava. Again….Lucy calling him the Shakespeare of sexting LOL They ask her if she’ll read some of them? It’s adorable how flustered she gets. Saying she can’t her Nana would be watching this. HA

The director does the dumbest thing he could do. Asking Tim if he would read some? Like did you really think that was gonna happen bud? Like really? His reply of if Lucy wasn’t gonna he sure as hell wasn’t going to. Telling him to take that away from him. Have you not paid attention at all in these documentaries? Why would they think asking was a good idea? LMFAO Mess with the bull gonna get the horns people.

We find out the person Jake was cheating on Sava with was Lisa. Her best friend��Like damn it’s bad enough to cheat but with her best friend? God…As douchey as it gets on his part. Jake breaks up with her via text but Lisa can’t handle the fact he was choosing Sava. It’s when everything comes together. We find out she tried to run them off the road and kill them. When that failed she asks for Jake’s forgiveness. Wanting to meet up. When he showed up she killed him immediately and dumped his body. Shit….That's a seriously scorned women right there.

This next portion is the definition Grumpy x Sunshine. They ultimately decide not to charge Sava with anything. The director asking what Lucy thinks of this? She of course gives the softest, most empathetic, and hopeful answer. Because it’s Lucy Chen. She exudes all that in her decision making. It is her super power after all. Naturally her answer was geared towards a second chance. Thinking maybe this will put Sava on the right path.

We cut to Tim saying ‘Of course she said that.’ He knows his girl so well. What’s so great here is his expression as he says it. That smile of his when he says that line. We all know one of the reasons he fell for her is that sunshine. That empathy and her seeing the best in people. She charmed her way into his heart with it. He truly does admire her for it. You can see the fond affection his face and tone when he says this.

He may not agree with her but he loves that about her. The man loves her so much even when he’s being sassy it comes off as affectionate. It's the first time we see him smile this episode. Why? He’s talking about Lucy. She brings it out in him. She melts him even without even being present. Just the thought of her and he lights up. Her compassion is one of his fav things about her. Gah they cute.

They finally get to to be interviewed together. It’s the best part of the episode. Director not wasting any time with his first question. Asking them if they’re worried cause their doppelgänger relationship was so dysfunctional? Lucy once again seeing the best in them. Telling him it was an unfair characterization of them. That Jake cheated not only that but cut her out of a gun deal after that. Not healthy in the least but to her not dysfunctional.

I adore how riled up Tim is with his questions. Protective Tim has entered this conversation. Getting very agitated with what he’s implying. Look at how Lucy looks at Tim as he goes off on his rant. She loves this man sitting next to her. Grumpy rants and all. The amount of affection on her face as he continues his tangent. She could watch him go off all day. My heart. The director saying he thinks it's reasonable question. Tim doesn't agree and tells him off. Saying they’re working too hard. Ha I love him.

Tim continues on (very passionately might I add) about separating their relationship from Jake/Sava’s. Want's to make it VERY clear they are nothing like those two. That the only thing they share is looks. He is so offended he would even compare the two. I mean it’s true. They’re not on the same planet as Tim and Lucy. Lucy continues to look at her man with serious heart eyes. Her smile giving me all the feels.

She is loving his fierce defense of them as a couple. Saying Jake/Sava based their lives on deceit. Of course it infected their relationship. He’s not wrong…This next bit gets me all in my feels. The way he looks over at Lucy. A real genuine smile just for her. Look at his smile. I'm a puddle. He is the absolute softest for her. *heart clutch*

Saying they’re in a very different place. His passionate defense is of them is sexy if you ask me. Also look how different he is with her by his side. Sharing more than he's been doing in his previous interviews. Being a little vulnerable cause she’s there with him. More than he has the entire episode. I cannot. This makes my heart so happy.

The look on Lucy’s face when they ask what place they’re in? She is also ready to throw down with them. Incensed they would even ask that. Her reply is perfection. Saying ‘If you don’t know, then you haven’t been paying attention.’ I remember thinking this was a shot at anyone complaining this season. (and I LOVED it) Which blew my mind btw whenever I saw it. Cause if you could be negative in a season this good what makes you happy? I remember unfollowing some people cause I didn't want their tainted vision in my feed. If you could look at their relationship and not see the beautiful progression you weren't watching the same season as me.

To not see what they’ve built to this point in the season. You are like Lucy said clearly not paying attention. I remember seeing some posts about not enough PDA, kisses or intimacy. (there was lots of intimacy btw just not straight up making out) You’re missing the point of the realistic healthy adult relationship that's being portrayed. They're not teenagers who will be angsty over nothing. These are people in a stage of their life where that nonsense isn't going to happen. Any angst they've had has been productive. If you came out of this episode thinking they needed to be more like Jake/Sava you missed the point entirely. Of this season really. They are not them.

The beauty of Lucy and Tim is in the small tender moments. The little things that add up to so much. Yes I love kisses and such don't get me wrong. God I love them. Will lose my mind over any in S6 no doubt. But there is so much more to a relationship than just that. The emotional intimacy and how they’ve grown together since 5x10 is unreal. The massive shift in Tim alone is enough to tell you how well written they are. What a healthy adult relationship looks like. Had their bumps along the way but what couples doesn’t? I just loved that line from Lucy. S5 is a game changer in the best way for them. If you can’t see it or how they've both grown together you clearly haven’t been paying attention. That line was amazing and I loved her saying as such.

The director takes shot at what place they're in. Coming up with some buzz words. As generic as he could possibly be. Lucy calls him out for it. Because it no where near describes what these two have. Tim is simmering as this guy continues to try and rile them up. I adore him ready to go off and Lucy immediately calms him with a single touch. That’s all takes for him to go from raging bull to heart eye Tim in an instant for her.

Tim was ready to thrown the hell down. I love protective Tim. Lucy taking the wheel in this moment is everything. Her touch basically saying she's got this. Looking directly at her man when she says this next line above. Also don’t think I didn’t see your eyes move to his lips madam. I do adore how she is looking at him. Exuding every ounce of love in her body for him as she speaks. They’re so in love make my heart hurt in the best way. Her eyes so full of warmth and affection for the man sitting next to her. They really are in a beautiful place. Making my shipper heart so very happy.

Tim’s sweet smiles as she rubs her thumb up and down his wrist in a soothing manner. I love it so very much. Never be over how she make's sure to keep eye contact as she calms him down. Tim also doesn't break his eye contact with her as she does this. They're killing me with all the shipper feels in this moment.

Let’s not forget her necklace on full display here. In this beautiful moment. Happy looks so damn good on them everyone. Another thing I love so much is how Tim lets her take over. He was ready to shut this down. Kick them out. She places her hand on his arm and he’s at peace. Lets her direct them from here on out. Only Lucy has the power to soothe him this quickly and effectively.

She’s calmed Tim down enough to have him rejoin the convo. Saying as police officer your future is never certain. Lucy adding on anything can happen at any time. Tim rolling it into kicking them out is amazing. Telling them straight up they’ve overstayed their welcome at this point. I mean they really have LOL Cracks me up how she turns her head towards him. Not really shocked but realizing he's over this now. Her smile is the best.

I love him pointing his finger. The shots at his relationship with Lucy were his breaking point. That is the most precious thing in world to him. Something so sacred. Why Lucy had to stop him from eating them lol Lucy’s reaction is the best. She loves this insane man sitting next to her so much. Her pushing his arm down like 'Ok babe that’s enough.' lmao. Such a wifey move to do that but also she knows Tim is at his limit. Tells them it's time to go now....

I love them instantly going into couple time mode once it's over. Lucy asking if he wants sushi? Tim saying how it’s perfect. Then looks back at them glaringly. Saying this place better be spotless when they get back. I love her escorting him out of the apt. Hand on his back directing him towards the front door before he pops off more. Such a married move. God damn I love them so much everyone. Fantastic ep from start to finish. ❤️

~~~~

Side notes-non chenford

Grey’s picture and how happy it makes him I love it so much. It’s so cute I can’t stand it.

He was so distraught when it was destroyed lol They replace it and it’s so sweet hilarious adorable thing for Grey.

Thank you to all my readers you make my entire day when you like, comment and reblog. Tis been a joy for me. See you all in 5x19 :)

69 notes · View notes

anakin-pilled · 10 months

Text

SILVER SPRINGS (Lo'ak x Fem! Reader)

pairing: lo'ak x fem! reader

wordcount: 7.6k

warnings: angst, fandom cliches, amateur writing, bantering, unrequited love (?), complex family dynamics, A LOT OF CLICHES IM SORRY, bad pacing (my bad bro idk how to pace a story im new to this), not sure what else as this is pretty tame

rating: SFW! though my blog is 18+ because i interact with nsfw content, anyone can technically read this?

taglist: @teyamsatan

author's note: okay hi this is my first fanfic that i've ever written before? not counting fanfics i wrote in middle school anyway i got the idea for this fanfic after listening to silver springs by fleetwood mac and i was so obsessed with this idea that i had to make it come true? im a huge neteyam girly so this is a shocker that my first fic ever is about lo'ak (he's my babygirl, just not the LOML like neteyam). uhhh im only familiar with academic writing and this is my first time EVER dipping my toe into the waters of creative writing so pls bear with me if this is not perfect. i actually think this is quite flat and tbh i hate the pacing like its actually awful and there is so much room for improvement, but hey what can i do? IM A NEWBIE AT THIS!! with that being said, if you do decide to read, please treat me with some grace because i am sensitive and i did this purely for fun!!! i know my lo'ak stans are starving for fics and im here to deliver!!!! i am not a professional or seasoned writer by any means but i really tried my best to create something enjoyable ): i don't know why this ended up being so long but it did and there WILL be a part two, i already have it outlined. SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, here is my first avatar fanfiction!!

proofread and edited but i got lazy toward the end LOL if you see any mistakes, please tell me kindly <3

You could be my silver spring

Blue-green colors flashin'

I would be your only dream

Your shinin' autumn ocean crashin'

The forest blended into a mixture of vibrant colors as you ran away from the incoming threat. Beautiful shades of blue, green, and purple passed around you. The feeling of the bare ground, soft and pliant from the morning dew, normally imbued you with a sense of stability and peace. As long as your feet were on the ground and connected to Ewya’s bountiful moon, you knew everything would be alright. However, this time, the feeling of the bare ground underneath your feet felt the opposite of stable and peaceful. The ground served as a reminder of how much longer you had to run until you reached the safe confines of the Omitikaya clan.

You stopped running with a quick halt. Your chest heaved up and down as you tried to catch your breath. The beads in your hair clacked together in a cacophony as you looked around in different directions. The sun broke through the tree canopy and highlighted the forest like a kaleidoscope. Swish. You quickly turned your head to the other side to catch sight of what made the noise but all you could see was the rustling of the bush–as if whatever you were looking for was looking for you too before running off. Without a second to spare, you dashed in the direction of the village. But you only made it a few feet ahead of you before you were tackled by something heavy and shoved to the forest ground.

“I win.” said the voice from above in a triumphant, but annoying, manner.

“You got to be faster than that, ‘eylan.” As you shaded your eyes with your hand, you were met with the illuminating picture of Lo’ak on top of you. The sun shone above on Lo’ak and cast him in beautiful rays of light. He looked like an angel–like a celestial being sent straight from Ewya’s heart and into your eyesight. Though you have never seen an angel, Norm described them as ethereal and pure religious beings. And at this moment, Lo’ak was an angel.

“Get off me, fatass.” You said as you pushed Lo’ak weight off your body. You secretly loved the weight of his body on yours and how it radiated a warmth that hugged your body and soul. Lo’ak rolled off with ease and laid next to you on the foliage. “Hey! No need to insult me because you lost yet another round of hunter and prey.”

Hunter and prey. A game that all Omitcayan children played growing up. And though you and Lo’ak were no longer children, you continued to play this game. Lo’ak claims it’s a great way to burn energy and let loose. You suspected he liked playing so often because it allowed him to avoid whatever daily chores his father, the Olo’eyktan, assigned him. And while you could think of better ways to spend your time, you indulged in Lo’ak’s childish whims because it brought him happiness. What type of best friend would you be if you didn’t?

“I’m not insulting you because I lost. I could care less about losing,” You explained. “I’m insulting you because tackled me to the ground and put your entire weight on my body. Lay off the yovo fruit and I might insult you less.”

Lo’ak scoffed at your response and stuck his tongue out in a mocking manner. “You mean the yovo fruit that Spider and I specifically collected because you asked for it? Yeah, I got put on ikran pen duty for a week after that since we missed curfew.”

You simply rolled your eyes and aimed your middle finger at Lo’ak. Yeah, you definitely spent way too much time around Lo’ak.

You both basked in the sun and listened to the sound of the forest: your home, your comfort place, the lifeline of the People. You thanked Eywa every day for the forest and the way it provided for you endlessly–from the delicious yovo fruit, to the medicinal herbs, fauna, and everything in between. There was a gentle rustle in the air as it approached low afternoon. If closed your eyes and listened hard enough, you could hear the faint buzz of the insects and the leaves fluttering.

As you turned on your side to face Lo’ak, you noticed he still had his eyes shut. Your eyes raked over his stripes–the stripes that would forever be engrained in your brain–and focused on the armband that fits snugly on his upper arm. The weaved armband was made out of dried, violet stalks from the tstxa'a plant and braided into a traditional, intricate Omatikayan pattern. You added tiny clay beads that you hand-molded and painted a color very similar to a marigold–you captured copious amounts of juice from the banana fruit just to have enough pigment to create a dye. A small smile appeared on your face as you recall how long it took you to make the armband.

Your eyes slowly made their way toward his face. They widened as they realized Lo’ak’s eyes were open and staring at you too. The air was charged with tension as you both continued to stare at each other in silence.

You and Lo’ak always had this weird ability to communicate through eye contact alone. Your friendship, which was forged in childhood, ran so deep that words failed to represent what your eyes could. He was your other half as much as you were his. In these small moments of intimacy, you remember just how much you love Lo’ak. There was an unspoken bond between you two–a bond that went beyond friendship and teetered on the edge of romantic love. And while it was undeniable that there was something more happening between the two of you, your relationship stayed on that flimsy edge.

“What are you thinking about,” you whispered in a tone so soft that it reached Lo’ak ears like a tender caress.

“Oh, nothing. Just thinking,” Lo’ak replied with a teasing lilt in his voice and a glitter in his amber eyes. While everyone in the Omatikaya clan had the same shades of bright, yellow eyes, you thought Lo’ak had the prettiest. You raised the muscle on your face, where your eyebrows would have been if you had, and furrowed your forehead in suspicious knowing.

“Thinki-” “I’m thinking about how funny it would be if I beat your ass in another round of hunter and prey! Last one to the village has to take over foraging duty!,” Lo’ak shouted with a boyish smile as he got up quickly and ran in the direction of his kelku.

You got up from the lush grass and ran after him with another exacerbated breath.

The day drawled along as you patrolled the forest for the dandetiger tree. You looked for its long, azure leaves and armored trunk. As a healer in training, you were tasked by Mo’at to look for the tree for samples of the resin-like substance that it leaked. The sticky substance was extremely helpful to the Omatikaya clan in many ways as it behaved like an adhesive. It was especially important to healers as they used the dangetiger tree as part of treating wounds and ensuring bandages stuck and protected healing wounds. The healing hut ran low on its supply, thus you found yourself wandering through the forest. Kiri offered to accompany you, but you could tell she rather focus on perfecting the paste she was mixing. A major perk of being best friends with Lo’ak is that you also became close with his family and found a small niche within the Sully family.

You were an extension of Lo’ak, but also the opposite of him in some ways. Whereas Lo’ak was more energetic and impulsive, you were calmer and sensical. You both balanced each other perfectly; you were the yin to his yang. While Lo’ak’s nature often got him in trouble with his family, namely his father and older brother, you loved his high energy and zest for life. Sure, he could use more pragmatism in his daily thinking, but you saw Lo’ak’s personality as a blessing more than a hindrance, especially in times of war and destruction. If Lo’ak was your sun, then you were his moon–stable and outer-worldly. You were unwavering. Your nurturing nature and kind soul always amazed Lo’ak, even in the worse of times, you took it upon yourself to think and act as an optimist. You carried yourself with a sense of dignity that Lo’ak wishes he could replicate.

Though none of you ever admitted it out loud, you and Lo’ak knew that you loved each other in a way that best friends didn’t.

Despite your differences, you both had a passion for exploring and adventure. If Lo’ak went anywhere, you followed. And if he got in any trouble, you were only a few steps behind him. While Lo’ak intention for mischief was partially caused by the motivation to piss off his father, you believed that Eywa made Pandora for the purpose of exploring. Why would she make Pandora so magnificent and rich in life if not to experience every single crevice, nook, and cranny of it? While the forest would always be your home and the place you want to spend the rest of your life in, you could not deny the appeal of a nomadic lifestyle like the Olangi clan. However, with the return of the sky people on Pandora, your exploring had been cut to a short. Unable to venture into the unknown parts of the forest, the parts that resulted in a scolding or two from both your mom and Mr. Sully, you were forced to stay within the clan’s boundary lines.

Your thoughts were cut short as your heard movement in the background. The bag on your shoulder was discarded to the ground as you took out your bow and arrow. You were no warrior, but you begged Lo’ak to teach you enough to be able to defend yourself. Any Na’vi should know this little. You prayed to Eywa that it wasn’t a palulukan, or worse—a sky demon. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of your face as you aimed your bow in the direction of where you heard the noise. You aimed at the bushes before letting your final finger release the bow.

“Relax, syulang! It’s just me, Lo’ak!,” he said as he came out from the bushes of loreyu and walked to where you were standing. “Lo’ak,” you huffed with annoyance in your voice. “Don’t scare me like that, you skxawng! I was really focused on finding a dandetiger tree. Tsahik’s orders. What are you even doing here? I thought you were training with your father.”

“Lo’ak,” you huffed with annoyance in your voice. “Don’t scare me like that, you skxawng! I was really focused on finding a dandetiger tree. Tsahik’s orders. What are you even doing here? I thought you were training with your father.”

As Lo’ak walked closer to you, you noticed the downturn expression on his face. Your immediate heart softened. He must have had another fight with his father, you thought to yourself. Lo’ak turned his face toward yours and you saw the unshed tears in his eyes that threatened to fall any second now.

“I, uh, I was training with my father until we got into a fight and I stormed off,” he said with a shaky breath. You could tell Lo’ak was trying to keep his composure, not wanting to show that vulnerable side he desperately tries to hide away. Yet, you knew better than that. Every time Lo’ak tried to shut down and hide his emotions, you came running after him and knocked down the fragile walls he built around himself. The walls were fragile because Lo’ak knew he would and could never shut you out completely. He took a deep, shaky breath before continuing, “I’m just so sick of it. He expects me to be this perfect son and soldier all in one, but I’m not Neteyam. I’m just Lo’ak.”

You always thought Lo’ak was the most complex person you ever met. He was the second-born son of the revered Toruk Makto and mighty Palulukun Makto. But, Lo’ak was so much more than that to you. He was more than both of his parents. Though he would never admit it, Lo’ak was a lost soul. Not quite like Neteyam, the mighty warrior and dutiful son, or the spiritual Kiri who was literally like Ewya’s disciple. Hell, even everyone knew Tuk would grow into a fine, strong-spirited woman! Lo’ak didn't know where he fit in his family. Of course, the Sully family loved him, and Lo’ak loved his family just as much. But that still didn’t stop the gnawing, deep feeling in Lo’ak’s subconscious from telling him that he would never amount to greatness like the rest of his family. You wished Lo’ak wouldn’t be so hard on himself because you also had a deep feeling in your subconscious that Lo’ak was destined for greatness–the feeling was embedded so deep in your bones that you would bet your left on it.

“I know that I’m a fuck up.”

“You’re no-”

“It’s okay, syulang. I know I’m a fuck up. I can see it in the tribes’ faces every time they hear my father lecture me, or worse, hear Neteyam lecture me. I can see it in my fathers’ eyes and in the way the rest of my family pities me.”

“Your family doesn’t pity you, Lo’ak. If anything, they pity the way your father has been forced into this weird dichotomy of the punisher and protector ever since the sky demons returned and how it’s taken an effect on your relationship,” you tried to explain as sweetly as possible.

You took a step closer to Lo’ak and examined his face. Though his tears had dried and his eyes were now puffy, you could still tell there was a great sadness within him. You wished you could take all his pain and suffering so he didn’t have to.

“I don’t know who I am besides the fuck up, or the troublemaker. I feel like my entire existence is defined by all the things I am not. Defined by the way I’m different from Neteyam or Kiri. I want to be defined by who I am, but I don’t even know who that is most of the time,” said Lo’ak. “I try so hard, but it is never enough to satisfy my father. Or myself. I feel this heavy pressure in my chest and no matter what I do to relieve it, it stays. If I am not meant to be the next Olo’eyktan or the next Tsahik, then who am I meant to be? Sure–I am training to become a warrior, but I’m not sure if this is something I want or if it is a role I am forced into. I know I’m impulsive and reckless and irresponsible, but I try so hard, but what if that isn’t enough to look over all my flaws and mistakes?”

You moved even closer and tucked one of Lo’ak’s front braids behind his ear. You always loved his hair like this. It suited his face so well. His braids were adorned by various beads, each with its own significance and memory attached to them. The beads he wore today were a pretty amethyst color. Your mind quickly flashbacked to the day you both created the matching beads. You both swam all day in one of the forest’s ponds trying to find the purple stones underwater so you could both craft new beads. Lo’ak almost passed out from lack of air twice and your hair was so tangled by the end of the day that it took your mother three hours to undo the gnarly knots. It was totally worth it, however, because you gained new accessories and memories to match. But before you could let yourself get too far away in the past, you shifted your attention towards Lo’ak and began to speak.

“I see you, Lo’ak. I see all of you. I know that you feel like a lost soul and that you get too caught up in comparing yourself to the rest of your family. And I truly wished you didn’t compare yourself to others so much because you are so special.” Lo’ak’s face grew warm at your words. Before he could respond, you interrupted him and continued to talk. “You feel like you are too different from your family and think you do not fit in, but you do! You are the light of your family; you bring laughter and happiness. The Sully dynamic would not be the same without you–it would be too serious and no one would have fun! Lo’ak, you have a strong heart like your father. Even though you could use some impulse control, I know you never have ill intentions. We are still so young and have so much more maturing to do. Do not let yourself be defined by the mistakes of your past. Mistakes are bound to happen–they are as natural as birth and death. You’re the light of my life too. Without you, there is no one else in this clan that could make me smile as much as you do. No one to explore with and quench our thirst for curiosity. You say that you are impulsive, but there is too much excitement in your body to contain it. I love seeing your excitement and wander–it is a reminder of Pandora’s goodness and the way Eywa intended us to live. You are not irresponsible, you are just learning along the way like we all are. There is no one like you, and my heart is torn because you do not see yourself in the same way. I pray to Eywa that you could see yourself through my eyes.” You then placed one hand on Lo’ak’s chest, right above his heart.

“Nga yawne lu oer, Lo’ak.” There was no going back now. You said it–the words that would either be fatal to your soul or make your heart sore higher than the Hallejuah Mountains. And though there was a risk of Lo’ak rejecting you completely, you jumped off the fragile cliff that your friendship lived on. All the intimate moments, the knowing smiles, and the lifetime of shared memories led you to this moment.

A moment of silent pass as you waited for Lo’ak’s response to your confession. Lo'ak did not expect you to confess, but he knew at some point it was bound to happen. Just not right now, under these cruel circumstances, in a time of devastation.

You shouldn’t have confessed. Lo’ak wasn’t ready for it.

The look in your eyes was so sincere and so full of unconditional love. You are the only person who could truly see Lo’ak for everything that he is and everything he was meant to become. The light hit your eyes in the right way and Lo’ak could swear they were glittering. Ewya blessed her with both heart and beauty, he said in his head. Lo’ak could only stare as he still reeled from your heartfelt speech. He wasn’t an idiot—Lo’ak knew that there was a special chemistry between him and his best friend. And he also knew that it was the type of chemistry that only two people in love have. Lo’ak has known ever since he was a small child that you were his endgame. Your years spent together only solidified his hypothesis.

Life on Pandora could be unforgiving and unrelenting, but you were the complete opposite. You were forgiving, always ready to accept Lo’ak back into your arms and heart after every mistake he made. Though these mistakes were rarely made towards you, you still welcomed him every time. You were always there for him. But, Lo’ak didn’t fall in love with you because of the fact you were always there for him. It did play a big part, but Lo’ak knew that would be a selfish reason for falling in love. Instead, Lo’ak fell in love with you because you were…well, you. You were kind and always treated your fellow clan members with the utmost consideration and respect. You were perceptive, never wanting to misconstrue a situation and analyzing all nuances before speaking on something. Because of this, everything you said or did was genuine. Lo’ak loved this the most about you. Where Lo’ak felt everyone in the clan (excluding his family and Spider) give him fake niceties, you were 100% authentic towards him. You never condescendingly spoke to him or treated him like a chore that had to be put up with. Compassion and understanding were what you treated Lo’ak with. These are all things he rarely experienced with other Na’vi. Yet, you also weren’t afraid to call out Lo’ak on his bullshit and humble him. You somehow balanced outspokenness and tenderness all at once. This lit a fire in Lo’ak soul.

This thought both excited and scared him. The thought of loving someone unconditionally, and being loved unconditionally, seemed like something too good to be true. Only something reserved for people who deserved it. Lo’ak knew you deserved unconditional love, but it couldn’t be with him. Despite everything you said about him and the way it almost glued together his broken self-esteem, Lo’ak could not return your confession in good consciousness. It’s not that Lo’ak didn't love you–hell, he loves you more than anyone or anything on this moon! But, his insecurities would not allow you to love him or allow him to love you. He didn’t deserve to love or be loved, not when his insecurities kept up awake at night, taunting his brain with “You’ll never be good enough” or “You’re a failure of a son and brother.” You deserved better than Lo’ak and all of his broken parts. You needed someone who was the best–someone like Neteyam, but not Neteyam himself because that would be the final nail in Lo’ak’s coffin. Lo’ak knows his recklessness, impulsivity, and natural gravitation toward the unknown was acceptable because he is young. These may be the traits you love about Lo’ak now, but he knows very well these are the same traits that can make you fall out of love with him too. After all, you won’t be young forever and it won’t be cute forever. But what if he never grows out of this? What if this is who he is meant to be? No, Lo’ak would not subject you to this fate.

And so, for once in his life, Lo’ak let fear take over his decision. Your face morphed into an expression of shock and confusion before settling on a still face.

“I am sorry, syulang. I can’t do this right now.”

You watched Lo’ak retreat from the spot you both stood in. What the fuck just happened?

You spent the next few days in a strange haze as you processed what happened between you and Lo’ak. At first, you were angry. How could Lo’ak just leave you hanging like that? For Ewya’s sake, he could have said anything else and it would have been a better response than what he said. You laid your fucking heart out on your sleeve, waiting for Lo’ak to take it and claim it forever. After your initial response to the situation, you started to worry. Maybe you misinterpreted your relationship. What if Lo’ak didn’t love you and you just thought he did because of how close you were? No, that didn’t sound right. You knew Lo’ak loved you too. Not even in a delusional way to comfort yourself, but there was no denying you both loved each other. Did you just confess at the wrong time? Perhaps it would have been better if you confessed when Lo’ak wasn’t fighting with his father. But, you didn’t even mean to confess! Well, you did mean to confess but not at that exact moment. You were trying to comfort Lo’ak and reassure him that he was wrong, that someone could love him. It just seemed like the right thing to say. What if it wasn’t? What if it overwhelmed Lo’ak and pushed him away? Now you felt like the jerk for confessing at such a moment. But Lo’ak was a jerk too for just leaving you! You really wished you could talk to him, or that he would talk to you, but the timing was horrible. The war party went out a few days ago, and it was Lo’ak’s first time joining the mission. But of course, things never go as planned. Over-enthusiasm from Lo’ak’s and an injured Neteyam caused Mr. Sully to put Lo’ak on lockdown for the last few days. This was the first day Lo’ak was allowed some freedom to explore, that’s what Kiri told you before she left with her brother, Spider, and Tuk. You wanted to join them in their adventure today, but you were still reeling from your last conversation with Lo’ak and decided it would be better to stay in the village. You needed one more day to unscramble your thoughts before approaching him.

The tension between you and Lo’ak had been festering, but it quickly came to a stop once you saw him walk back into the village with his entire family. Jake and Neytiri walked walk in front of their children with heavy looks on their faces. Jake looked angry, yet worn at the same time. His mouth was pressed in a tight line and the wrinkles in his forehead looked more apparent than they ever have before. Neytiri walked beside Jake with Tuk’s hand in hers in a tight grasp, as if she never wanted to let her baby go ever again. Her expression was harder to read, but you could tell the tsakarem was worried by her stiff posture. Kiri trailed behind her parents with a slouchy form and arms across her torso. She looks dejected. And finally in the back were Neteyam and Lo’ak. Spider was nowhere to be seen, which you found odd as he went with the rest of the Sully children into the forest, but you assumed he must have gone back to the human outpost before curfew.

I wonder what happened. Something must have happened if the entire family walked in like that.

Jake and Neytiri quickly made their way to their kelku and closed the opening flaps before any of their children could come in. The Sully children then made their way toward the side of their kelku and leaned forward on their hands as they attempted to listen to their parent's conversation. You wanted to make your way towards them and figure out what the hell happened. Just as you were about to walk over to them, Lo’ak turned around and his eyes scanned the village as if he were looking for something or someone. Lo’ak’s eyes then met yours and with a small nod, you understood what he was trying to say. Later. At our spot.

Your stomach turned to bubbles as a feeling of cold anxiety washed over your body. You weren’t sure if it was because of Lo’ak or something else, but you knew whatever it was, it was not good.

Lo’ak was already sitting on the bioluminescent forest floor when you arrived at the small clearing which was designated as our spot. It was a hidden clearing–away from any of the main trails and hunting and gathering spots that the clan used. You first found the clearing one day after playing a round of hunter and prey with Lo’ak and Spider.

Flashback

You were both 12 years old. Your hair was cut in a sharp, shoulder-length bob because you claimed long hair only got in the way. A bright orange and yellow ombre feather decorated the underside of your hair. A simple beige-toned weaved top and matching ‘tewng adorned your small body as you ran away from Lo’ak. He loved playing the role of hunter–you assumed it because of the way Lo’ak looked up to his father. He wanted to be like the Olo’eyktan in every way possible. This was before their relationship had a strain in it. Both you and Lo’ak were unmarred from the harshness of war. The only thought that filled both of your minds was what adventure you would get into next.

As you giggled profusely and thought of where to run next, you noticed that you were in a different part of the forest that you never visited before. You searched for any familiar landmarks, or plants that would signify where you were. The giggles that previously escaped your mouth quieted down as the situation dawned on you. You were lost in the forest all alone! Your mom was going to kill you, but only if a nantang or palulukun didn’t kill you first.

“Lo’ak, are you there!!!!!,” you screamed at the top of your lungs. That probably wasn’t the smartest move. A predator could be attracted to your sound. But you figured it would be better to call for Lo’ak. If any predators came, you could climb a tree and wait it out.

“Lo’ak!!!” you continued. Worry was starting to creep in. If you didn’t find Lo’ak soon, there was no way you would be able to survive the night in the forest.

As you looked around the clearing again, you noted that it was quite pretty. A small pond, decorated with pink paysyuls, sat in the middle of the forest. The sun streamed through the trees and you could see the fishes elegantly swim in the water. A pack of loreyu sat directly across the pond, along with eanean bushes right next to it. The clearing was simple, but you knew that it was much more than that. Like everything else Eywa created, the clearing served a purpose and was spiritually connected to the Na’vi. Perhaps its purpose was unknown until this moment. You decided that the purpose of the clearing would be a secret spot only known to both you and Lo’ak. The thought excited you, and you quickly imagined a lifetime of moments here.

Flashback Over

Lo’ak sat with his arms extended behind him with his back facing you. You could see the tension in his back muscle as he sat there, looking up towards the night sky. One of Polyphemus’ moons was shaped like an ikran claw. Despite the moon’s brightness in the sky, the stars still twinkled. A soft, minty green glow emitted from the bioluminescent leaves Lo’ak sat upon. His tanhi, patterned perfectly on his body like Ewya directly hand placed each freckle herself, glowed like the sky above him. Lo’ak was lost in his thoughts as he silently spoke to Ewya, questioning what her intention was. You cleared your throat to grab Lo’ak’s attention.

“Hey…” he muttered under his breath. You replied with a soft hello before taking your place next to him. There was still an awkward tension lingering between the two of you, but you pushed it away. Whatever happened a few days ago didn’t matter anymore. You knew something serious happened in the Sully family and you knew your best friend needed you right now.

“Do you want to tell me what happened this time?” you quoted Lo’ak as you looked into his eyes for the first time in a few days. The dark lighting only enhanced the rich shade of his honey-colored eyes. They glowed brightly in the dark. His eyes resembled the shiny topaz glass jewels located deep in the rainforests’ many caverns–both were a sight to behold.

Lo’ak thought he should rip the bandage off. There was no point in delaying the traumatic news he just received from his parents.

“My family and I are leaving the forest.”

You were confused by his statement. Leaving where? There was no other place to go. The forest was your home, his home. “Do you mean that you’re visiting another tribe for diplomatic reasons,” you asked with a slight tilt in your head to match confusion. Why would this be so important that he needed to meet you at your spot? This wouldn’t be the first time the Sully family has left on diplomatic retreats.

“No, (Y/N). My family and I are leaving the forest permanently,” Lo’ak replied. Your heart dropped into the pits of your stomach. Now you were just getting annoyed. You haven’t spoken to Lo’ak in the days, and the first thing he does is try to pull at your leg. “Lo’ak if this is a joke, then it’s not funny. What are you talking about?” you said with a stern voice. Lo’ak stared at you as if he didn’t want to explain further. It’s true, he didn’t want to explain further because it meant that what was happening was real and there was no way to delay or stop the situation.

“Earlier today, when we were exploring the forest, we saw footprints in the dirt that didn’t belong to any Na’vi. It was sky demons. We followed the footsteps to an abandoned shack. I knew we weren’t supposed to be there, but then we spotted a group of uniltìranyu in military gear. I quickly paged my father and let him know what we found. But as we were trying to leave back to the forest, the uniltìranyu captured us and held us hostage…”

“What?” you let out in shock. The magnitude of Lo’ak’s words hit you like a poisoned arrow. Dreamwalkers? How could that be true? The last dream walker to walk the ground of Pandora was Jake Sully…and that was 14 years ago.

“I-I thought we were going to die. They treated us like we were animals. As if we were the ones who invaded their planet and deserved to be captured and hung. All I felt was primal fear and the instinctual reaction to protect my family. We were held hostage until my parents and brother came to our rescue. But, it was too late by then. They figured out who were and our relation to my father. They even captured Spider…” Lo’ak had to stop speaking. The familiar tightening of his throat began. You could tell he was about to cry, but you pushed further. Honestly, your brain was fuzzy at this point. It was so fuzzy to the point that you didn’t even process the news of Spider, your tiny human friend, being captured. It completely slipped your mind. You didn’t have time to think about the implications of this news as you could only process one thing and one thing only: Lo’ak was leaving. The Sullys were leaving!

“What does that have to do with you leaving the forest?”

“Don’t you understand, syulang? They know who we are. Our lives are at risk! The whole clan is at risk if we continue to stay.” Lo’ak explained in frustration. “I don’t want this, I don’t want to leave the only place I’ve ever known. How can I leave the forest while Spider is out there, going through Eywa knows what, with those demons? How can I leave you?” Fat, wet tears streamed down Lo’ak’s face as he spoke.

Crack. The sound of your heart breaking reverberated in your ears. All you could hear was a dull ringing. Your best friend, the love of your life–how could he just leave like that? You questioned the will of Eywa. How could she be so cruel to tear you both apart? Especially after your confession the other day? You wanted to curse and scream and cry all at once. However, you knew you had to be strong for Lo’ak.

You held Lo’ak’s body in silence. You were both in a catatonic state. An hour or so had passed since his initial confession. The atmosphere was serene, a heavy contrast from the dark storm brewing in both of your minds. This may be the last time you would ever get to hold Lo’ak like this and fully enjoy his presence. All of the years spent together slowly meshed in your mind as you tried to calm yourself down with memories of happier times. You honestly didn’t know how you could survive this life without your other half.

Lo’ak wasn’t faring any better than you. His continuous sniffles vibrated on your body. He barely looked up, wanting to savor the feeling of your bodies pressed together in such an intimate way. His mind was in a haze as he processed the situation. This wasn’t real life, it couldn’t be real life. His life was perfectly balanced with you. If Eywa sought to protect the balance of life, why would she take you away from him? Why would she take away Spider?

Tomorrow is never promised. That is a cruel lesson you learned today. It was probably best that you and Lo’ak head back to the village and sleep, but you didn’t want this night to end. You wanted to savor every last moment. Memorize every stripe on Lo’ak’s body, every green speck in his eyes, the way his eyebrows moved, and how his body felt right next to yours. How could you say goodbye to 14 years of memories in one night? It seemed impossible.

As you stared at the light reflecting off the pond, you knew there was one topic you had to broach. You weren’t sure if this was the right time, but it was the only chance you had. After all, Lo’ak only had one more day in the clan before his family set off to Eywa knows where. You knew the forest of Pandora held many clans, but you suspected his family would be going somewhere even further than that. You tried to calm the rapid pace of your heart, but your nerves refused to settle down. So, you sent a quick prayer to Ewya, turned to Lo’ak, and quietly said, “The other night, when I said I love you, why didn’t you say it back?”

You didn’t want to fight with Lo’ak–not on a night like this, where blood has been shed and a family has been torn from normalcy. But, you had to talk to Lo’ak about this. What if you never saw him again? You couldn’t live the rest of your life with unresolved feelings. It would drive you utterly insane and wreck your soul for as long as you live.

(Y/N)...”

“I’m being serious, Lo’ak. Why did not you say it back? I know this is the last thing on your mind right now, but you cannot leave me hanging. You owe me more than that and you know it,” you said with determination in your voice.

You then stood up. This was not a conversation you could have sitting down. The anxiety coursing through your veins made it impossible to sit still. Lo’ak followed your actions and stood up too.

“I was afraid,” he replied.

“Afraid of what Lo’ak? We have always been so honest with each other.” You thought you would always understand Lo’ak, but perhaps you were mistaken. You didn’t understand what there was to be afraid of. You both loved each other, shouldn’t that be enough? You failed to realize that love isn’t enough sometimes. There are forces beyond your control that make love unsustainable and out of your reach, despite how close you are to it. Eywa did not teach you this lesson. Lo’ak did.

Lo’ak was faced with two choices at this moment: he could confess his love to you or he could deny it. He so desperately wished he could choose the first choice. Something within him would not allow himself to whether it was because he was about to leave and he could not promise himself to you, or because he was so far deep in his inner turmoil. Lo’ak felt anger bubbling in his chest. This anger wasn’t directed towards you, but himself. He cursed his inability to allow himself to fully love you because of his internal issues. No, he justified the second choice in his mind with weak reasons as to why he could not confess his love.

If he said confessed, Lo’ak knew you would spend the rest of your days waiting for his return. If he ever returned. You deserved more than that. You deserved someone who could love you now. The prospect of you waiting for him, only for Lo’ak to stay the same Na’vi he was now, a version of himself that wasn’t proud of, haunted him. Yeah. Lo’ak framed his reasoning to focus on you, rather than himself because it made the harsh reality less painful. Damn the fact he was leaving, he would wait 100 years for you too if he confessed. The reality was Lo’ak could not confess his love because he couldn’t give his all to you, not when his judgment and self-worth were clouded by thoughts so dark that Eywa would be heartbroken to learn one of her children, whom she created with love and adoration, did not love himself.

Either way, he was about to break your heart for the second time within days.

“You are the other half of my soul and if there is any person who can understand me, it is you. But, I cannot love you. I’m sorry syulang.” There was a sorrowful look across Lo’ak’s face. Your body deflated at his words and the familiar sting of tears gathered in your eyes. He didn’t want to continue, but if was going to break your heart, you at least deserved a proper explanation.

“You are the most lovely and wonderful woman on this planet; the idea of you not being in my life hurts more than a palulukan attack. But I swear on my life to Eywa when I say this, but it is not you. It’s me. You have always been this positive being in my life, and I always hoped it would rub off on me and make me a better man. I thought, maybe if that ever happened, we could be together in the future. I would finally be worthy of all the love you have to offer. I am not good enough for you. I would only drag you down with the weight of my heavy problems,” Lo’ak finished.

“But it’s not your choice to decide who deserves me,” you let out with an exasperated tone. “How can you stand here in front of me and deny the bond we have? The love we have? The other day when I confessed that I see you and you ignored it, I brushed it off my shoulder because I was sure, with every fiber of my being, that you see me too. That you love me. But now you are leaving, and Eywa knows when the fuck you are coming back, and you can't even admit it out loud?” you questioned.

“Don’t you get it? I am not doing this because I want to deny the bond we have. I feel our bond every day from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. Even in my dreams, you are there. Your essence is built into the foundation of my bones. I just can’t love you. No good would come of it. I’m the clan’s outcast. Yes, we are best friends and we know each other like the back of our palms. But I won't let you carry the burden of my imperfectness,” Lo’ak choked with a sob at the end.

Without missing a beat, you tirade, “I think everything you are saying is complete bullshit. How could be absolute about something that has not been realized? We have spent the last 14 years together. I know you better than I know myself, Lo’ak. And I know you see me too, so what are you so afraid of? There is nothing that you could ever do that would scare me away from loving you. I love you for who you are–flaws and all. I notice everything about you, the good and the bad. I know you have feelings so big and nerve-wracking that you do not know how to handle them except by convincing yourself that they are true. But you cannot stand in my face and claim that this is for my own good. No, you are saying all this because you are too scared of the possibility that I might see through all that and decide that you are not worth the trouble, that every judgment the clan and your father says about you is right.”

You stepped a few feet away from Lo’ak and then turned towards the direction of the village. He hadn’t said a word since you finished your speech. Your entire back was facing Lo’ak until you turned your head over your shoulder to look back at him. The tears that pooled in your eyes began to flow like a sad waterfall that was dying, the tears slowly rolling down your stripped cheeks in an antagonizing matter. Your golden eyes stared into Lo’ak’s. He could see the hurt etched across your iris and he was sure his eyes looked just as pathetic and broken. It was a moment that would forever be engrained into Lo’ak’s memory. You opened your mouth and delivered the final blow to this already crestfallen night,

“Maybe I was wrong, maybe you don’t see me. Because if you truly did, you would know that I would not care about your weaknesses. I don’t even care about them now. I refuse to believe that you cannot love me too. You are a lot of things Lo’ak. A coward is not one of them. I’ll see you tomorrow to say goodbye.”

And at this moment, Lo’ak knew this was the biggest of all his fuck ups. He had managed to ruin a lot of good things and moments. Never knowing when the party is over and when the business began. When it came to you, his sweet tìyawn, Lo’ak never made any serious mistakes. So why was he doing it now? Lo’ak’s eyes burned as he stared at your figure walking away from him and the future you could’ve had together.

translations: eylan - friend, Olo’eyktan - male clan leader, tstxa'a - canalyd, kelku - home, palulukan - thanator, syulang - flower, loreyu - helocordian, skxawng - moron, Toruk Makto - toruk rider, Palulukun Makto - thanator rider, Tsahik - clan spiritual leader, Nga yawne lu oer - i love you, tsakarem - successor to the tsahik, ‘tewng - loincloth, nantang - viperwolf, paysyuls - water lily, eanean - blue plant, tanhi - bioluminescent freckle, uniltìranyu - dream walker, tìyawn - love

credits for dividers: leafs (x) green line (x)

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cowboybarzy · 11 months

Text

unexpected part 3 — mat barzal

tbh I didn’t realize how popular this was with you guys which is why I didn’t hurry to write this next part. but if y’all really love it and give me your thoughts (& even ideas on how to continue) I’m definitely willing to write more!!

word count: 4k

I’m just gonna make this part of my summer series bc they did travel and it gives me an excuse (to literally my brain lol) to post this part now! an insta edit will follow shortly! come along the rest of the trip

📍vancouver, canada with mat barzal this is part of the unexpected series, so if you want to see how we got to this point, read PART ONE and TWO

June

"Sshh, sshh. It's okay, it's okay." Mat's soft voice woke you from a short, but deep sleep. You turned as your eyes fluttered open to see him sat up against the headboard soothing your baby girl. "I'm here. You're okay."

Your hand reached up to cradle her tiny head. "She might be hungry. What time is it?"

"Almost four. It hasn't been that long since you last fed her. But look, she's already falling back asleep." His smile grew and you sat up as well to see her eyes slowly closing. "She's so cute."

"She is." You kissed her head and then leaned against Mat's shoulder. "And so big. One month already."

"It went by so fast. I don't want her to grow up."

The last month since you baby girl, Myla, was born was the most stressful and tiring but also the most beautiful and exciting time. The new sleeping schedule was difficult to adjust to and your recovery was harder than expected. People really should talk about it more. But getting to experience both you and Mat become parents and your baby explore the world was indescribable. She already outgrew her newborn sized clothes and loved being awake looking around the room. She loved sleeping in her stroller while you took her on walks, where you and Mat stopped to get ice cream or coffee. Both of your families had come to visit, too, and of course all of your friends. They loved her and you were so grateful for the amazing support system.

Mat's season had ended a couple of days after Myla's birth, but not after his birthday which you unfortunately had to spend apart. But he was home now and took such good care of the both of you. Although the three of you did spend a lot of time in bed, you made it a goal to go outside for walks at least a few times a week. Your family didn't live far so they were able to visit and you even went to visit them a few times when you felt brave enough to leave the house.

"Oh, my god!" Mats voice brought you back to consciousness. You hadn't realized you were falling back asleep on his shoulder until his voice brought you back.

"What?"

"She pooped. Did you not hear that? That was gr– Oh! Ew! Babe, it's leaking out." He started panicking, then gagged as he held her away from his body. "What do I do? What do I do?"

You laughed, falling back into the pillows as you watched him struggle for what his next move should be. "Babe! This is so gross! Help me!"

"Well, go change her!" You watched him, still laughing, as he carried her with extended arms, trying not to gag again. "It doesn't even smell. There's only one baby in this room and it's not her."

He started undressing her, groaning from the mess she had made. "Oh my god, it's everywhere. How? How is her stomach so big to hold that much?"

You got up to see for yourself, making sure beforehand to take a video of Mat trying to handle this situation. "Yeah, we should give her a bath. That is pretty bad."

"It's the middle of the night!"

"So? She's dirty." You laughed patting him on the shoulder. "Welcome to parenthood."

At one month old, babies couldn't laugh yet, but the noises she made could definitely count as it. So you prepped her bathtub. She was small enough to do it in the sink, so it didn't take long to fill the tub with the right temperature water. When Mat put her in, she started screaming. She hated baths for the most part, but unfortunately she had to get through it. She calmed down after a while, enjoying the little massage you were giving her to get her clean. Mat put his arm around you and kissed the top of your head.

"You know, a year ago I definitely would not have imagined us doing this at 4 a.m., but I wouldn't change it for the world."

July

"Ugh, she's so cute."

"So adorable."

"Her little nose. And those cheeks."

"I love her so much," you said, not being able to look up from where your daughter was sleeping in her stroller. You stood around her with Mat's sister and mother, just staring at her. You were supposed to go on a walk to go get lunch, but for some reason (a very cute and sleeping reason) you still hadn't left yet.

"Me, too. Watch out I might steel her," Liana said jokingly. She hugged you tightly. "Thank you for making me an auntie. I thought I'd have to wait for years."

"You almost had to." You didn't want to call your daughter an accident, because she truly was a blessing, but let's not pretend you were trying to become parents. You both tried to contain your laughs, as their mother was right there.

"Okay, let's go," Nadia broke you two up and took ahold of the stroller, before walked out of the house. You followed her, Liana fighting her mother for the right to push the stroller.

A couple days ago, Mat, Myla, and you made it up to Vancouver to spend a few weeks with his family. Myla just turned two months a few days ago and you finally felt comfortable enough to fly with her. A lot of family and friends came over to see her, but things had finally calmed down a bit.

"So, any wedding plans?," Liana asked, after you had made it to the restaurant and the food arrived.

You raised your eyebrows, a small laugh escaping. "How long have you been waiting to ask me that?" She laughed. "Since last time!" And that was about a year ago when you had told her you were pregnant. Mat shut her down immediately, saying you'd wait until after she was born. "Well...?"

"I don't know," you answered. "We haven't really thought about it."

"Oh, come on. You need to get married! For her and for me!" You laughed and her mother elbowed her. "What? I know it's selfish, but please! It would be the most beautiful wedding, I just know it."

She started gushing about her dream wedding for you, detailing everything from flowers to venue to table cloths. Her mother chimed in, equally as excited about the idea. Normally you would have been too, but for some reason the idea of a big wedding didn't seem exciting to you anymore.

And that's what you told Mat later that night when you were ready to go to sleep while feeding Myla. "Your sister, well and mom, are already making wedding plans, just so you know."

He rolled his eyes. "How many times have I told them it's none of their business?"

Myla was done eating, so you handed her over to Mat so he could burp her. "It's fine. It was kind of fun to talk about and see everything we could come up with. But funnily enough, all my life I've dreamed of a big wedding like that, even just a few months ago I would have agreed to it. But now, I don't know, I don't really want that anymore."

"Really?" You looked up at his green eyes.

"Yeah, I don't know. I'd rather have a small thing, with just family and our closest friends. And baby Myla of course."

"That sounds good to me." He leaned to kiss your forehead with a smile and cradled your baby's head.

"Wanna get married? Might as well, we already have a kid." You said it with a laughing tone, expecting him to laugh as well or brush the topic off like you had done since he first asked you about getting married. But he didn't. He jumped out of bed, put Myla in her bassinet, and left the room.

You sat there, shocked. You didn't expect that reaction as well. You were serious about getting married. A couple weeks after Myla had been born you realized that you were being silly before. Of course you wanted to marry him and you knew that he loved you and didn't stay with your just before the baby.

Thankfully, before you could process what just happened, Mat came back and sat back down next to you. "I'm the one that gets to ask that question!," he said, which is when you noticed the little red box in his hand. You mouth opened in shock. Now that, you definitely also didn't expect. "What? You really think I didn't got out and get you a ring after you said no the first time? Please, you can't get rid of me."

"Mat..." He smiled, cupping your cheeks with his big hands before kissing you softly.

"Baby? Do you want to marry me? I don't care about the big wedding anymore either. We literally could go down to city hall tomorrow and do it there. I don't care. I just want you and baby Myla. Now will you please do me the honor of not rejecting me for the millionth time and finally saying yes to being my wife?"

"You are such a jerk," you said as the tears rolled down your face. You were still pretty hormonal and you had a feeling it wouldn't go away. "But yes, I'll marry you."

"Finally." He pressed his lips against yours for a deep kiss that had you falling back against the mattress. But you couldn't fully enjoy the moment for very long, before baby Myla made herself known. You got her out and held her in your arms, soothing her, while Mat held you close to his body pressing tiny kissed against your head.

"Ok, let me see the ring," you whispered when your baby girl calmed and started drifting into sleep. Mat opened the box with a chuckle, as your moth fell open.

"Like it?" You nodded and held your hand out for him to slip the ring on. While it didn't fit as well as it would have pre-pregnancy, at least you were assured that it wouldn't randomly fall off. "Kind is weird that we're doing this at my parents house, but I'll take what I can get. It's your fault though."

"Wha- Why?"

"I was scared as hell to propose to you again. I didn't want to be rejected again."

"Mat, I didn't reject you. I just– I didn't want to get married while pregnant." He cupped your face again with a chuckle.

"I know, I know. I'm just joking." He kissed you over and over again, until you realized that Myla was asleep and you could put her back in her bed.

Mat pulled you on his chest as you both laid down. "Wait, were you kidding about city hall tomorrow?," you asked, keeping your voice low.

"Not really. You wanna do it?" You looked up at him and shrugged.

"Kind of." You both smiled wide. "But wait, no. My family. I want them there."

"Okay, well we could ask them to come here? Or would you rather wait and do it back in New York?"

"Here is good." You fell in love with Vancouver the minute you got out of the airport the first time you came, so getting married here was not an issue for you. "Yeah, I'll just ask my family and some friends if and when they'd be available to come up."

"Okay. We can just invite people and whoever can make it, can make it. If not, then we can always have another little something in New York." You nodded, excitement filling your body.

"But if we're inviting a bunch of people, we can't do it at city hall."

"There's lots of parks and venues around here."

"Or your parents back yard?" You both thought about it for a second, then Mat smiled.

"Yeah, i think they'd be cool with that."

You both giggled excitedly, then he pulled you fully on top of him. "Are we seriously getting married in a few days?"

"Unless you don't want to," you responded.

"You are never ever getting rid of me."

August 2nd

It was wedding day. After a crazy busy 10 days, the day was finally here.

When you had told Mat's family the news the day after you got engaged, they were very excited. His sister screamed so loud, she scared the baby but you couldn't go soothe her since she had you trapped in a massive bear hug. She immediately started planning and listing everything you would need. Everyone was involved in making flowers arrangements, cooking and baking for the party, and getting the house ready to host a wedding.

Your family got to Vancouver a few days before the wedding, also helping greatly. Once your best friends arrived as well, it was time to shop for a dress. While there wasn't much so last minute, you found the perfect simple little dress that you absolutely fell in love with. You even found a little white dress for Myla at a baby store near by.

"Thank you so much for coming." You hugged Sydney Martin tight, then her husband.

"Wouldn't miss this for the world." She smiled and you hugged her again. She had been very supportive and your closest friend during your pregnancy. Since she'd already been through it twice, and none of your friends had experience in that department, you spent a lot of time together. You were so grateful for her and were very thankful she could make it to your wedding.

While both you and Mat felt bad about getting married so last minute and therefore not having all of your friends present, having the ceremony now did feel right to the both of you. And that was all that mattered. And even still with short notice, a lot more of your friends than you expected could make it. With Mat's family, yours and your friends, your guest count was almost up to 50. So lots of people to celebrate your love, but still more intimate than a big wedding you almost had.

You spent the morning of you wedding setting up the tables and decorating everything. Around two, guests started arriving and since you treated this as more of a party, you had time to greet most everybody before having to get ready.

"Alright, time to get dressed." Liana came walking and grabbed your hand.

"Wait." Before she had a chance to pull you away, you turned to Mat to give him a kiss. He reciprocated with a smile. "See you on the other side."

"Love you." He winked, then slapped your ass, before turning back to his friend group.

You made another pit stop to grab your daughter from her grandparents to have her with you while you got ready. Your makeup base was done so all you added was some eyeshadow and eyeliner, while your best friend did your hair. Another friend made sure to take lots of pictures and videos of your day. You fed Myla one more time before handing her back off to your mom, who was going to watch her today so you and Mat could enjoy the day without worrying about her. Then it was time to put on your dress.

"Aw, babe, you look gorgeous."

"Stun-ning!"

Your closest girlfriends friends quickly came to hug and admire you, before posing for a few more pictures.

"Okay! Go time!" Liana, who basically acted as your wedding planner, called when it turned three o'clock. She pulled you into a quick hug. "Ready?"

You nodded, already on the verge of tears when reality started hitting you. You were about to marry your best friend.

"Good, because I am so ready to have you as my sister-in-law." She kissed your cheek and then started getting everyone ready and into position. You kissed your sleeping daughter one last time, then followed everyone downstairs to the backyard, where you were holding the ceremony and party.

Through the windows, you could see the garden beautifully decorated and everybody sitting outside waiting for it to start. You could also see Mat, standing below the flower arch at the end of the aisle, with his best friend and best man Anthony standing next to him as they talked and joked around.

Your mom walked out to find her seat and as soon as Mat saw Myla sleeping in her arms, his eyes lit up. He took her from your mom, gently as to not wake her, and pressed tiny kisses to her chubby cheeks. Your eyes got watery again, watching them and knowing that the overwhelming happiness you felt right now would not go away anytime soon.

The music got a bit louder which was your cue to head outside. Your bridesmaids walked before you, down the shirt aisle you had just helped built this morning. Then you followed, slowly, scared to trip, but not too slow as you were eager to get to Mat.

Mathew. Who looked even more handsome than you though possible, standing at the end of the aisle with that wide goofy grin of his. As you got closer though, you could see his eyes sparkling with tears.

"You look beautiful," he mouthed and stretched his hand out for you to take. You took it, immediately feeling calmer. You looked over to where Myla was sleeping in her carrier and with a reassuring nod from your mom that she was alright, you turned your full attention back to Mat.

And Anthony who in addition to being best man was also officiating your wedding. Over the past few years that you've known Beau, he also became one of your closest friends and you couldn't be happier to have him as Mylas goddaughter and now here to marry your number one best friend.

For the entirety of the ceremony, you felt like you were in a bubble. Only Mat and you. Holding hands. "When I look at the time we've been together,

I always have a smile on my face. Through all the ups and downs we've been through, the one thing that has remained constant is my love for you. The love I feel for you has gone from wild and free to me enjoying the little things about you like going for a walk, seeing your face across a breakfast table, and even changing disgusting poopy diapers in the middle of the night. Love you, My," he said after a pause. You both looked at her with a laugh, still sleeping in her carrier.

"We have years ahead of us but when I look at the years that has passed my heart grows with such love for you that I ache. You are the most amazing partner and the most amazing mama to Myla. You're it and nothing is gonna keep us apart. I love you and always will."

Thankfully, before Mat even began his speech your made of honor handed you a tissue or your makeup would be ruined by now by the tears streaming down your face. 'Love you,' you whispered as you held your hand to his cheek. He smiled, with a quivering lip, and whispered it back. He took your hand and slipped diamond covered ring on your finger. Then you cleared your throat a couple of times and prepared to speak.

"Maty, you're my best friend. Ever since you flashed me that goofy grin of yours, I was gone for you. And I am so lucky you chose me to be on your team. And I promise you that I will choose you as my teammate. I choose you again and again. At the start and finish of every single day, no matter the season no matter the year. I choose you to struggle and succeed with, to fight and make up with, to love and grow old with.

And while I may have to send you to the sin bin sometimes, just know that I'll always be on your side and you can always count on me.

Seeing you grow and become the best father to our newest team member has been the biggest blessing. I am so proud you of. I hope I can make you just as proud. I love you and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

With shaking hands, it was your turn to slip a ring on Mat's finger. You didn't hear another word until Beau said those magic words: 'you may now kiss your bride'. And he did. Those big hands grabbed the sides of your face and pulled you into him until your lips met. He started out softly, but soon enough he was breathlessly while your friends and family clapped and cheered in the background.

********

You were married. An indescribable feeling floated through you all day, every since you walked down the aisle. Your ring glistened in the Vancouver sun that was starting to set as you chatted with your friends. You friend circle had shrunk every since you found out you were pregnant, a lot of your friends keeping distance and not keeping in touch as much anymore. You didn't blame them. You were still very young and a lot of them weren't ready to settle down or even be surrounded by people that weren't able to go out and get drunk every weekend. You didn't blame them because it took you a few months too to adjust to the idea of being a mother, but it made you even more grateful for the few friends that did stick around. They made you feel so special and supported during your pregnancy and even now they were already the best aunties for baby Myla.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Mat walking towards you, holding Myla. That sight would never not blow you away and make you feel all warm inside. "This little lady is hungry." He held her out to you and you welcomed her with with cuddles and lots of kisses.

"Where were you?," you asked him as you got ready to feed your daughter.

"I just went to change her. I saw my mom take her in, but I wanted to do it." He answered you puzzled expression, "What? I've barely seen her today. I just wanted to spend a few minutes with her."

Your heart warmed and you leaned into his shoulder. But your moment didn't last very long as the party was already in full swing and people kept coming over to talk to you. You went back to talking to your friends as Mat got pulled away by his.

After Myla was done eating, you decided to put her down for bed and once again tracked Mat down to let him know. "Hey, I'm putting her down." He was sitting with a bunch of his teammates that were able to make it out here who all fawned over baby Myla.

"Come on! Just let me hold her," Oliver whined, stretching his arms out, but Mat slapped them away.

"Absolutely not!" Most of his teammates got to hold her when you first introduced her to them, but Wally was not one of them. He joked around too much around her and was untrustworthy around babies. Those were Mat's words, not yours. He was obviously very protective of his daughter if he wouldn't let his own teammate hold her.

"I won't drop her! Please? Oh, see! She's looking at me," Wally tried again while the rest of you laughed.

"Yeah, she's trying to tell you to shut up. It's not happening." While he was mostly serious, there were joking tones in Mat's voice. You definitely thought they were all just messing with him, so you stayed out of it.

"Hey! Daddy Barz said no, so it's a no," the other Matt (with two Ts) chimed in in his best dad voice, to which your Mat gave him nod of his head.

"That's right."

You rolled your eyes at their banter. "Alright, I'm really putting her down now." Mat stood, but leaned down to where you were holding Myla in your arms so that he could kiss her little head over and over again.

"Good night, princess. I love you." Then he straightened and put his lips on your. "And I love you, wife."

"Love you more, husband."

#mat barzal #unexpected series #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fic #travel with me summer 23 #mathew barzal #mat barzal fluff #dad!mat #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl fics #nhl blurb #nhl insta edit #new york islanders #anthony beauvillier

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ask2pame · 2 months

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regarding your rant on frances design: TELL ME ABOUT IT. tbh i think all the designs peaked with beautiful world, and everything after that was just...discount budget versions of whoever theyre supposed to be. the beautiful world designs are GORGEOUS on their own, but compared to world stars? theres no contest. some designs i do like, like england looks nice, if not a little too polished, and portugal is really cute, but everyone else just got twinkified and butchered. and i love a twink! i do! but they look like they could be swapped out with my little pony designs and it wouldnt make a difference. france to me will always be a blonde with a ponytail, a little unkempt, with chest hair and stubble and flamboyantly manly with a touch of tragedy. thats france to me. not whatever waif they cooked up in the more recent series

// ok ok i can't tell if u mean like ''oOOOh tell me about it' as a phrase or u actually are inviting me to tell you about it but i'm going to take it as permission to ramble <3 but im putting it under the cut so i dont spam

okok so UR SO RIGHT i think the new designs are so OFF... like it kinda lost the plot. the characters are all weirdly polished?

ok im just gonna run down the characters i have a lot of thoughts about CUZ my god

ENGLAND!!! its gotta be beautiful world

cuz the early seasons england gets his crankiness on point but this design fits just how cranky and posh(?) he is, like he dresses like an old man and wears outdated 'punk' fashion, he drinks tea like an old lady.. it fits hes cute and expressive.

this england isLOSING hair where did his EYEBROWS GO!!!! thats HIS WHOLE FUCKING CHARACTER but also i really dislike the change from him going from a dirty blond to a bleach blond... doesnt work...

i want my man to look like he has a nicotine addiction, rugged and smug as shit. i think they leaned too hard on the 'tsundere' trope for him cuz hes not puffy cheeks with pouty lips hes an old man with a laundry list of war crimes

ROMANO

ok. this one is a little hard cuz romano is good in ever season but he has these little minor changes that drive me CRAZY but my favorite will always be the earlier seasons

this ver of romano was a NASTY bitch he just showed up to be an asshole and i love it so much , i love his hair being dark brown with brown eyes ok , at the minimum his design fit his voice...

for beautiful world i think hes cute but i really don't ? like his eyes being green? like i dont know it just never felt right to me:( i like him having brown eyes

and later his design leans into the prev but when u look at him u don't see that one guy who REALLY doesn't wanna be here hes . too soft?

and the newer romano does have the bad attitude but now he's suffering from the 'progressively becoming a ginger' syndrome that a lot of hws characters have now

RUSSIA

my pick for him is all over the place bc i think his new design is SO FUCKING CUTE like i wanna bite him and crocodile death roll him but i think he is SUFFERING from cuteness.... hes so . soft?

earlier seasons of russia showed up just to say some morbid shit and be brutal as fuck but he could also lean into being cute, thats his whole gimmick, cute but scary. his current design is cute with no threat.

i think beautiful world had that balance between cute and scary, he was cute and say mean shit like before and was ready to throw down any time america showed up, thats his whole deal. and you know at the bare minimum he's supposed to be fucking BIG and world stars makes him look like a fucking twink

SPAIN

beautiful world was WORKING to make spain look good, he was ugly . he was boring. and then he walked in with a new tan and a warm hair color and the cutest smile (tho its hard to find pics of spain in these seasons cuz hes younger in a lot of them) and then it's just

what the hell happened here. i feel like im going insane but did his skin tone get ashy? like it looks more grey. and i know saying spain is 'tan' is generous but what the fuck happened. why did all his colors dull, why is his hair so . boring. where did the body mass go, where did the attitude go... world stars spain is very 'head empty' and not in a good way ....

CHINA

one of the most overlooked characters but i love him

i think my favorite ver of him is still his original cuz i preferred him with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes and he's side part... it was so cute... and they swapped it for a middle part .... </3

like he was so cute ;; plus i preferred him as this kinda irritable older know it all character, like he was groaning and huffing and did NOT want to be there. but then he kind of got? infantalized(?) i think they wanted him to be cute but idk if china is considered one of the ancient nations by its own rules, then can we tone down the :333 factor on him a bit

like just comparing but this might be me raise hands at hima for this characterization. what did you do to my boy

like do u see it. am i crazy

these bitches

these 4 just suffer from success in their OG and the beautiful world just made them way better (except i miss italy's darker hair </3) and then they just got handed bad animation in world stars

ok thats all i have time for rn BUT YEAH

#THANK YOU FOR TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT #I LOVE WHEN I GET TO RAMBLE ABOUT THEM CUZ I HAVE LIKE 2 HETALIA FRIENDS THAT I CAN TALK TO.... </3 #mun talks #ohh tumblr fucked up my formatting ....L

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sarascamander · 2 months

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My unpopular TUA opinion:

1. I genuinely like Viktor as a character but I have a hard time watching his scene lmao. I root for him in season 1 but I skipped a lot of his scenes with Leonard because their relationship makes me uncomfortable and I really want to stab Leonard in the eyes every time he shows up on screen. In season 2 I found his story low-key boring and in season 3 — it's hard to watch the thing with Harlan. I actually agree with Allison on her feelings for Harlan.

2. Sissy and Viktor's relationship is cute... But I'm not a fan of it. Mainly because of the cheating 😭. I know it's an unhappy marriage and they love each other and the husband is a huge dick but still, the cheating still didn't sit right with me (which is another reason why this particular plot is hard for me to watch). I once watched this drama where the male lead married this villain and sneaked with the female lead behind her back and i felt so bad for the villain even though I hate her gut lmao.

3. Allison's character arc in season 3 is horrible and I hate watching her character digress like that but at the same time I think it is kind of justified in a way. I mean, a girl can only take so much before she pops. But it's kind of frustrating that it's OBVIOUS that the whole siblings tried to give her support. Viktor is obvious, Diego took her out to release tension, Luther always looks out for her, and even when she was arguing with Viktor, Five asked Allison if she's okay when she's the one that dropped the not okay words to Viktor. You can't say that the siblings didn't try to be there with her but she still acted selfishly.

4. This is just a minor thing but the way the Sparrow treated Grace will never stop making me feel angry. Like bro, have some respect that is your MOTHER. Or could have been. It's just heartbreaking to see how Grace ended up in the end because we see in season 1 that she could have feelings and the brellies love her but in this timelimes she's being treated like a servant 😭 AND when Diego saw Grace and look so happy and relieved to see her and then Jayme said he's a creep. SHUT UP HE LOVE HIS MOM OKAY.

5. Am I the only one who kind of ship Human Grace with Reggie in season 2? Low-key ship them and it's kind of weird but I like the potential there? And there's chemistry there.

6. Klaus can be annoying sometimes starting from season 2. I LOVE him but sometimes I want to strangle him lmao.

7. Umbrella Ben will always be an innocent precious little cinnamon roll in my heart, but in the show he can be quite horrible lmao. Possessing Klaus without his consent, preaching Klaus with the "Luther would do the same for you" in S1. Like SHUT UP BEN NO HE WON'T.

8. Lila pissed me off so much in season 2 with her relationship with Diego because why was she angry with him? Girl, he did nothing but give you heart eyes, YOU'RE the one that lied to him, betrayed him, and drugged and kidnapped him. SO WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE HE'S THE ONE THE SCREW UP!? "I even introduced you to my mom" GIRL YOU KIDNAPPED HIM. He didn't have a say in that. Stop tripping. And the things she did with Stan, is honestly not okay, wth Lila? (But they do warm up to me in season 3).

9. The romance in the show is not the greatest tbh. I don't actually ship any of the ships in the show (except for Diego and Lila at the end of S3) because they all kind of happen so fast and I felt like as soon as someone gets a love interest, that will be their first priority, their family be damned. And maybe logically this is true (I never experienced love so who am I to know) but I'm here for the family love so to see that happen pissed me off lmao. I understand their actions with their love interest but at the same time GET A GRIP.

#this is jsut my thought #feel free to disagree #there's probably more I'll type later lmao #the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #allison hargreeves

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v-67 · 14 days

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Finally watched part two of the Thousand year blood war arc : The separation

I'd been procrastinating w it because I wanted to watch it after it was fully released, the part two, but then I waited too long and yeah, i waited too long

And I finally watched it today

I had to watch the part one again because I didn't wanna play the guessing game about what's happening/etc, So I watched the whole thing again :3

....

The separation really separated us from Ichigo in this arc, didn't really get to see much of him.

But the battles, the soundtrack, the techniques, THE STORY, THE CONNECTION, THE ANIMATION, IT'S SO GOOOOD.

The mystery deepens about the connection between Yhwach and the soul King's relation.

Also the fight between the Squad zero and Yhwach and his sternritters, and Uryu (don't wanna count him w them tbh), THE FIGHT IS SO CRAZY GOOD🥹🥹🥹

Idk what Uryu is thinking but I sense a lot of plot twists in the future.

I swear I love watching Bleach. I can't wait for the next season to be released. And when it starts releasing, I'll have to wait again because I don't wanna watch episodes weekly(breaks down the rush I feel slightly)🥲

But seriously. The way it takes us on this unpredictable journey, it's crazy good.

The powers, the techniques, the portrayal of those techniques. Everything is so beautifully accurate, and so perfectly portrayed. LOVE it.

Also the BANKAI and the additional zones to them are 🤌🤌🤌🤌

Also also, I'm not okay with something happening to Hitsugaya🥲, Matsumoto, the musician guy (V cool Bankai), and Muguruma, I hope Kurotsuchi somehow heals them because in no way I'm ready for them to die.

Also it was so nice to see Urahara and Yoruichi🥹❤️ (I mean I know Urahara is there in every arc, and is a very crucial character, but it's just, I'm watching it after so long and it's so nice to see all of them, plus I didn't see Yoruichi throughout and she finally comes in the later episodes) and also Ukitake (I'm confused about the eye thing though, i don't remember that) (no one tell me, I'll figure out)

Also special mention to : Byakuya (loved the way he interacts with Rukia in the latest arc, love his Bankai), Rukia (she's so beautiful in that Bankai but that Bankai is dangerous fr), Renji (NICE, also when he gets complimented by that Sternritter about his pointy eyebrows and that he might have good taste, funny lol), Madarame, Ayasegawa (he got called fugly by that guy he killed in the ig and how he loses his temper again😭😭), Hirako (HIS BANKAI SO COOL, Ep 3), Kyoraku (I missed him), Zaraki( AHHHH I LOVE THIS GUY, his fight with the imagination guy was sooooo Cool), Akon (doing god's work in the tough times lol), Hisagi (the 69 guy, why they portray him so weak idk), Sajin(felt bad for him fr, but the Bankai was noiceeeee), Kon (for giving us those random snippets in the end, where they had to get undressed and Rukia can't help but get worried about Byakuya having to go through the same embarassment, cute lol, you know this means that Ichigo went through that too)

Also side note but I really like Nimaiya. He's so cool and unhinged and random. Is nice.

The only question I have honestly is why'd they dress up Orihime like this, like, it's just, weird. No hate, but what is this😭😭😭

Also, snippets of Ichigo because I've missed him soooooo much.

Ichigo blushing🤌☀️

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bubblegum-and-ciggarettes · 8 months

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Spoilers For Final Episodes!

Tbh I’m kinda disappointed in these last two episodes. I knew that we would end the series with Simon and Fionna learning to be happy, but I felt like it went too fast.

I’m glad my accession of how Betty sacrificing everything for Simon was something that came back, and Simon actually learned that Betty sacrificed so much for him while he just let it happen.

Very cool that we got to see Beth and Shermy again, but I’m still confused on how Shermy and Simon were both in his head? And why Simon was naked for some reason??

I am glad on the direction they decided to take Fionna’s world, in how she made a wish for it to be real or for everyone to have their wish(which is what I’m assuming is implied as she never says it). I really do wish that they let Simon put on the crown and for Fionna’s nightmare to actually become real, as I feel it would’ve made the last episodes feel more active and led to her and Simons realization in a more direct way.

I honestly don’t get why Simons voice actor said it would be heartbreaking in the 9th episode as it really wasn’t. Even in the last episode it was pretty tame and didn’t feel as bittersweet as I felt it should’ve for the topic the show decided to address.

Also really wish Betty and Simon had more than like 3 sentences said between them, as it felt like Simon and Betty really didn’t get closure. It kinda seemed like Simon decided he was worth living for when the episode really wasn’t about that? It was about how Simon loved Betty but they weren’t on equal footing in terms of commitment so Betty agreed with Simon, even if it put them both in a bad place in the end.

They didn’t even show how it would’ve been different, which you could agree is the point of “well that’s not what happened”, but it just felt lacklustre with the rest of the context.

I feel bad because I REALLY liked this show and the rest of the episodes. The end just didn’t have the right kick to it and didn’t really make sense. Like why did we have the random characters show up to live in Fionna’s world, and we didn’t even get a glimpse of Finn or Marcy in Simons ending? I was thinking they would do a montage at the end with what happened in the universes we left, but I guess it does leave it open for a season 2. I’m of course glad that Simon and Fionna were able to feel happy in their worlds again, but still.

I honestly wasn’t that stoked about a season 2 unless the ending for this season wasn’t the best, so I guess I’ll just hope season 2 gets created.

#fionna and cake #fionna the human #fionna Campbell #cake the cat #simon petrikov #adventure time #of course I’m not saying people can’t be satisfied with the ending #but imo stories about depression and shi like not knowing what to do with your life shout be bittersweet in a way #like it leaves the ending up to interpretation to whether it’ll b good or bad bc that’s how mental health works #even if you try and gain happiness again it doesn’t mean it’ll last #Simon and Finn’s mom kinda went over that but for luke one sentence #oh yeah the lich was there too ig #still don’t know who the scarabs boss is #cause it’s not Betty #prismo and scarab r kinda cute tho #prismo now has a dude to chill with and make fanfics #now that I’m thinking about it prismos arc wasn’t really solved either #kinda forgot about it but like he was depressed too

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sixstepsaway · 5 months

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i've had some thoughts bouncing around for a while about ofmd s2, and in light of the news, i'm going to brain dump some of them. if you don't feel like listening to me complain about HBO and would rather just go cry about OFMD not getting season 3, that's chill, go ahead, no hard feelings

so.

season 1 was absolutely the definition of lightning in a bottle. it had great acting, great writing, gorgeous set and costume design, it was great, and not only that but it was unabashedly queer

jim had a whole episode dedicated to "actually i'm not a woman i'm just jim" and then everyone - even the bad guys, even the antagonists, even their nun nana, everyone - referred to them as they/them after that, no questions asked

the main character went through an arc that was basically figuring out his sexuality and going "oh shit, i love a man" on a show that was not directly advertised as "OUR QUEER MEANS DEATH" like a, y'know, Queer Show would be

and stede and ed's romance felt like it was important. It felt like the pirates of it all was mostly incidental, background, filler, just fun to pad out the situation and give them things to be challenged by (the badmintons!) while also being fun on its own. it's the kind of show where if you pulled all the characters out and slapped them into a whole other situation like space agents or time travellers or everyone lives together in a loft runs a bakery... it'd still work. sure, the badmintons would be less murderous and run a competing bakery or something, but it'd still work, because the focus was on the characters, and on the romance between stede and ed

the first three episodes of season 3 felt that way too. the love between stede and ed was paramount and if you swapped to a mafia au or a bakery au it'd still work (with some gentle adjustments for ed's Behavior™ to be fair)

but.

season 1, they kept saying it was a rom com, and it felt like one. it was just a rom com that was set at sea! how fun!

now, rom coms have tropes. they have genre-specific things that you kind of expect from, well, a rom com. you expect mess. you expect things like ed fucking off with jack because he doesn't feel good enough

(i've recently been rewatching new girl and although some of the humor makes me cringe, it's still a great show, and one of the main things about it is that everyone is messy. no matter how much schmitt loves cece, he's going to make mistakes. no matter how obviously nick and jess are going to end up together and belong together, they're going to sleep with the wrong people, make mistakes, break up etc. it's as much a rom com as ofmd.

one of the things that makes new girl so good and makes me love the main couples so much is how hard they work to be together, how they fight adversity and the mess of their own flaws and toxicity and still get together because they love each other most, in the end)

i remember in s1 thinking how if stede had been a woman, jack would have been too, and ed would've had at least one romantic/sexual scene with jack when he ran away with him

but i also remember thinking, "yeah, but the show hadn't explicitly done the his name is ed reveal and the kiss on the beach yet, and the reveal hits so hard, it makes sense not to do that earlier", and tbh i stand by that

which brings me to s2, after the first three eps, where they tried to go back to rom com and it just felt... forced.

rom coms usually have adversity. they have other characters that directly and truly threaten the main pairing by being interesting to those characters! no matter how you feel about izzy, he was framed as a love interest or as an ex that was still complicated, but the show very much tiptoed around that

does "i have love for you" and "i loved you best i could" make sense for the characters? yeah.

do i feel like if ed was a woman, she and izzy would've had a messy rebound relationship for stede to have to contend with, for the two of them to come out the other side of wanting each other from? yeah.

ofmd s1 felt unabashedly queer. s2 felt like they didn't want to be too gay.

they put olu with a Woman™, they put jim with a woman almost like it was less queer and more acceptable this way than queering olu, they completely waved off olu and jim's relationship and dropped any concept of polyamory because that would've made it even queerer, not less queer

(i'm using queer here as a definition more of breaking boundaries and being outside of the norm to the extent it makes cishets deeply uncomfortable and the queer in question aren't conforming to society's standards. and this reading of s2 (and s1) is entirely subjective, it's just what's been bubbling here for me)

pete and lucius went from "we don't own each other" to marriage, with no footnotes of what marriage meant to them specifically, whether they were, in fact, conforming with the 'norm' of marriage (exclusivity, labels, definitions etc) or whether they were still chill about these things or whether this now meant no more penis drawings

the queerest episode was probably the party episode (which was so good), but even that was especially queer because some cast members fought to make it so (con wanting izzy's drag to be beautiful not funny has HAUNTED ME, because that means it was originally supposed to be played for laughs!!) not because it was that way naturally

the fact i read somewhere that the party and the drag was originally lupete's wedding makes so much more sense to me because yeah, they WOULD have a wedding like that, but instead they got a lame final episode wedding because it would have been way too queer to do it at calypso's birthday with drag and queer joy everywhere

it also would have been more realistic to the lucius and pete we got in season 1.

there were a lot of things in season 2 that felt... weird. we've talked about it. we have all talked about it.

the final episode, even outside of the thing i hated most, was just horribly written imo. there's big sweeping gestures and no kind of real emotional pay off for the main relationships (lupete included), and everything got tied with a neat little bow at the end

i remember when we were told s2 was 8 episodes and how much the budget had been chopped thinking, "ha, we're so not getting a season 3"

i remember when i realized how weirdly rewritten most of season 2 had been thinking, "yeah, there's not going to be a season 3"

i remember when bitching about ed's arc being totally truncated and handwaved thinking, "mm, we're not getting a season 3"

and i remember when the Revenge sailed off into the sunset with everyone but ed and stede on board thinking, "oh yeah, we're done."

just enough was left open that a season 3 could happen.

just enough was left open that if a miracle happened, there'd be something to do with season 3.

but i genuinely, 100%, hand on my heart, think djenks knew he wasn't getting a season 3

and don't get me wrong, i'm not absolving him of the poor writing choices he made in season 2, but i am saying it makes a lot more sense if you think of it from the perspective of corporate meddling and having everything taken away while he was actively trying to make season 2

we already know HBO cut the budget a ridiculous amount so they just had to make everything work with what they had. we already know HBO cut the episode number.

season 2 plays out like they prepped a good chunk of it, ready for 10 episodes, and then HBO cut the budget and cut the episodes

and so things had to be changed and chopped about. ed's arc got lots of screen time and focus for three episodes (before the cuts) and then things got quicker, and fast

characters were cut for time and for budget reasons.

and then i think towards the end of production and the end of writing, djenks learned the odds of season 3 were minimal at best, and he panicked

i think the original plan was probably for ed's arc to go for the majority of season 2. maybe a middle piece where he and stede tried but it still wasn't Right (last night was a mistake) because ed had so much to work on and so much to heal

i genuinely wonder if the finale was completely rewritten at the last minute because to me it makes way, way more sense from a narrative standpoint for things to have been more staggered out. let's consider ten episodes instead of 8:

episodes 1-5: same as they were when aired, including the gravy basket giving us set-up for what ed's dealing with internally, giving us something to latch onto and prepare for his redemption. NO KISS AT THE END OF EPISODE 5. episode 6: ed is still wearing the bell. he's sort of done his amends with lucius, but now he needs to do amends with the rest of the ship. stede is still learning his piratey ways, so there's hijinks in the background. jim and archie and olu try to decide what their relationship is after the garlic and all, and debate room arrangements. lucius and pete announce their engagement. stede and ed nearly kiss. episode 7: more ed redemption arc. he's still working at things, he's shying away from violence because violence is what took him down this dark path to begin with. maybe we get some discussion of his father. stede, blind to ed's flaws, insists he's nothing like his father! ed tries to make amends with izzy but somehow this is the hardest of all because he hurt him the most of all. izzy gets chance to apologize for what he now sees as his part in pushing ed down into the darkness (trying to drag blackbeard back) and izzy's apology makes ed feel worse somehow and gives him some absolution when he finally figures out how to return his own. ed kisses stede but says he wants to take it slow. episode 8: wedding episode!! calypso's birthday!! ed uses his loot to bankroll lupete's wedding. stede reacts with violence to ned and we know from everything before that ed is actively trying to distance himself from the violence of piracy because, yeah, of course he is. is it a good idea? nope. does it make sense to his character for him to still be putting a good chunk of the blame on piracy for his actions, rather than accepting the parts of his whole and learning how to regulate those parts healthily? yes. anyway, stede reacts to his own violence by clutching for ed, ed feels after like his boundaries were pushed. same as show. episode 9: ed is having a meltdown. he and izzy have started to heal, so izzy watching him stare at fishing boats and just chatting to him like nothing happened actually makes a lick of sense. lupete are on their honeymoon at jackie's. olu gets to hook back up with zheng and archie and jim want to go along because they're not super happy on the ship still because although ed is doing better, the past of what he does still hangs over everyone. olu, zheng, jim and archie do not discuss the poly of it all properly, and it's hilarious and a mess, and gives us something to look forward to handling in season 3. ed freaks out about stede being violent when he's the one thing he felt like wasn't violent (and thus safe for him to be with), and about taking it not at all slow, breaks things off and runs away. izzy gets stede to come back to the ship. stede gets into a fight with zheng, the bombs go off, whatever (not a fan of this for her sake but if it has to happen, it can happen) episode 10: ed is off fishing but it's not going well and he's pissing pop-pop off all the time because he's not good at fishing. stede and co are handling the ricky of it all. the episode is mostly the same at the start, but instead of ed immediately going "omg, i gotta save bae" he doesn't find out about the attack until right at the end of the episode. stede and co make it back to the revenge and escape safely, and when ed retrieves his leathers and returns he thinks they're dead! he threatens/tortures/whatever some english and they say no, stede escaped! they all escaped! the season ends with ed, all decked out in his leathers, with his sword, now in the position stede was last season: staring out over the water, planning to find the man he loves.

this sets season 3 up for ed to be on his own for a little while, for him to handle and figure out how to channel his violence into something 'good' (wanting to find his love, wanting to protect his crew etc).

maybe season 3 flashes back to baby!ed again and the fact his first act of violence against his father wasn't motivated by anger or spite, it was motivated by wanting to protect someone he loved: his mum.

then season 3 they find each other again, and maybe they meet in the moonlight for the parallel to hit even better, they finally get back together properly, for good, with maybe some comedic issues along the way, and ed finds his place in the world to be less "blackbeard, the terror of the seas" and more "ed protects those he loves."

i honestly think this is probably how the show was originally meant to go, or at least something close.

i think midway through season 2, djenks heard it was over and he (rightfully) panicked and threw together a finale that tied up as many loose ends as he could because he knew.

and i dont think there's anything that could've been done about it. i think it was dead in the water (no pun intended) the moment all the MAX/HBO/whatever reshuffles happened, I think it was too queer and I genuinely think executive meddling made a lot of the more queer elements go away, possibly right down to trying to wipe away the exes/love interests of it all with that whole father figure thing

and, again, i'm not absolving djenks of some of his more baffling writing decisions. he's a grown man and he makes his own choices. but i am saying i think it explains a LOT about why the finale we got is what we got, and i'm not sorry stede and ed ended the show together rather than apart or with their lives hanging in the balance or something

anyway these are just a bunch of thoughts i've been having, tied together by the cancellation.

#ofmd #our flag means death

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