#tell me why we’re all shocked when we’ve literally been predicting this for weeks

[sunny-rants]

marvel fans coming up with theories: oh she’s agatha harkness and monica is going to become photon and hayward was trying to make another murder-bot etc.

also marvel fans when their theories turn out to be right: 👁👄👁

[futurebicon]

Ring

For the people that asked for a proposal fic I was very much inspired.

Remus smiled as he watched Sirius shoot the puck with practiced ease. Skating across the ice more natural to him than walking.

The box in Remus’s pocket weighed 100 pounds. He was going to wait to do it, probably during practice, but now that he had the ring he physically couldn’t wait.

“Hey” Sirius skated over to the side of his rink. Kissing Remus. “When’d you get home?” He swung up to sit on the wooden barrier.

“A while ago. Was watching you for a long time.” That was a lie, but then again a run to the store for ice cream didn’t take over 30 minutes like buying a ring did.

Sirius hummed, kissing his lips again. “Like what you saw?” He wrapped his arms around his neck.

“Always” he kissed back.

“Wanna skate for a little?” Sirius asked.

Remus nodded and pulled away, walking over to get his skates on quickly.

“Is that my sweatshirt?” He asked, nodding at the crimson sweatshirt Sirius was wearing.

“Is that mine?” Sirius asked him.

Remus laughed knowing it was, in fact, Sirius’s.

Sirius hopped off and opened the gate. “Ready?”

Remus nodded, kissing Sirius as he stepped onto the ice.

They skated around for a while, racing each other and showing off their tricks.

Remus pulled Sirius against him, wrapping his arm around his waist as they laughed at Sirius’s failed attempt at figure skating.

“Marry me” Remus whispered, resting his forehead against Sirius’s.

“What?” Sirius pulled back in shock.

“I’m not kidding” Remus said reaching into his pocket and pulling out the ring box. “Marry me”

Sirius gasped. “God yes. Yes yes yes” he breathed out. Grabbing Remus’s face and kissing him firmly.

“I love you. I love you so, so much” Remus kissed him back, slipping the ring onto his finger.

“On va se marier” Sirius said, looking at the band.

“We’re getting married” Remus repeated.

Sirius jumped into his arms, knocking them both over.

“Watch the skates, watch the skates” Remus laughed out.

“Sorry” Sirius smiled, kissing every inch of Remus’s face.

“Oh my god. What do we tell the team” Sirius laughed.

“That we’re getting married?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Or we could just not tell them, see if they notice again”

“Baby, we could be walking down the aisle and they still wouldn’t get it”

“Do you have that little faith in them?”

“Yes”

“10 bucks they notice within a week”

“Easy 10 bucks, thank you” Remus kissed him.

"C'est en marche"

***

Sirius groaned as he looked in the mirror the next morning. Tilting his head to look at the many dark hickeys littering his neck.

“Remus” He whined.

“Sorry baby” Remus wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing the darkest one.

“No you’re not”

“I’m really not”

“The teams going to have a field day” Sirius groaned, leaning back into Remus’s chest.

“Just cover them up”

“I literally have to change and shower in front of them. There’s no point.”

***

James whistled as they got out of the car, James getting out of his. “Did you screw a vaccum?”

“Told you” Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus.

“Hi vaccum” James waved at Remus.

“Oh my god, go” Sirius pushed him towards the entrance of Hogwarts.

“I’m going, I’m going” he held up his hands in surrender and walked inside.

Sirius lost count of the amount of raised eyebrows and high fives he got. Each one earning an eye roll. He had a killer headache by the end of practice.

“Ready to go” Remus kissed him.

“Yep” Sirius grabbed his hand as they walked out of the arena, smiling as their rings knocked together. Sirius confessed to having one for a few months, unsure of how to ask him.

“Anyone notice?” Remus smirked.

“No, they were too focused on the suçons.” Sirius groaned.

Remus shrugged again.

“You probably planned that, didn’t you?” Sirius accused.

“Or, I was enjoying being with my fiancé in bed” Remus shot back.

“God I love that” Sirius beamed.

“Me too” Remus kissed him again before they separated to get into the car.

***

“The week is up” Remus told him. “Hand it over”

Sirius grumbled but pulled out a 10 dollar bill anyway.

“Thank you” he kissed him.

“Shut up” Sirius muttered.

“So know what?” Remus asked.

“That movie night is tomorrow. We can tell them there” Sirius suggested.

Remus nodded, “Perfect”

***

“How do we even do this? Like ‘Hey we’re engaged and you’re all stupid because we’ve been engaged for a week and I had to pay Remus 10 bucks because of your stupidity’” Sirius ran a hand through his hair as they sat in Dumos driveway.

Remus kisses him with a smirk. “Natalie and Lily will probably notice within the first hour”

***

They were all piled on furniture and floor. Blankets and pillows scattered everywhere as they argued over what movie to watch like they did everytime.

Just as Remus had predicted, Natalie kept glancing over at them suspiciously.

Eventually she slammed down her drink, causing everyone to go quiet. She climbed off of Kaseys lap and walked over to Sirius and Remus. Grabbing their hands and yanking them forward.

“Oww Natalie” Sirius exclaimed.

“Why didn’t you tell us” she punched their arms before attacking them in a hug.

“Oh my god” Lily connected the dots and jumped on them.

“Oww, okay okay. We can’t breathe” Remus laughed.

“Can someone explain please?” Kris asked. Everyone had confused looks on their faces.

Celeste was smiling brightly. “Congratulations”

“Thanks” Remus blushed lightly.

“Uh, we still don’t know what’s happening” Finn reminded them.

“We’re engaged” Sirius said. There was silence before cheers erupted around them.

5 hockey players tackled them to the ground. Effectively crushing every organ in their bodies.

“Oww, oww, get off” Sirius wheezed.

“Sorry. Sorry” they apologized.

“Wait when?” Dumo asked.

“Last week”

“LAST WEEK” everyone chorused.

“Why didn’t you tell us” Lily punched Remus’s arm.

“Sirius had full faith in the guys noticing and so we wanted to see if you would notice.” Remus explained.

“Why? We’re very unobservant.” Logan raises an eyebrow.

“That’s what I said” Remus laughed.

“Yeah thanks for that. I lost 10 bucks” Sirius grumbled.

“James, you’re being unusually quiet and you’re face is not helping” Dumo said.

James had the most shit-eating grin on his face. “Was it the day you came in with 20 hickeys?”

“Eww, stop” Dumo groaned as Remus and Sirius turned red. Everyone wolf whistled and cheered.

“I’m just saying” James shouted over the noise.

“What’s a hickey?” Ava asked Kris when it quieted down.

He glared at James who was trying not to laugh.

“Something you’re never allowed to have” he picked up his daughter.

The team laughed and finally started to watch the movie.

“Okay, but was it good. Because the amount of hick-”

“JAMES” Remus and Sirius exclaimed.

“I’M JUST ASKING”

@lumosinlove

[twdmusicboxmystery]

FTWD 6x15: U.S.S. Pennsylvania - Analysis

How did everyone like this episode? I liked it a lot, and basically what happened is what we’ve been predicting for several weeks, now.

 ***As always, spoilers abound for 6x15 below. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

I said that they would probably set off one of the nukes, but not all of them. Clearly, it wasn’t going to be a nuclear holocaust or anything, because the TWD storyline is 6 years in the future compared to Fear, and we haven’t seen anything like that.

But in the end, they launched 1 missile that has 10 warheads on it. And Teddy specifically said it might be heading toward water. So we’re right on track with the idea of them poisoning the water this way.

Okay, let's get into details. We start with the wind blowing, and showing the church doors waving back and forth, and a rusted, decrepit merry-go-round. All of these things are foreshadows of what is going to happen. The events in this episode will probably play a huge role in the end of the world. Not just the zombie apocalypse, but potentially killing of humanity for good. Obviously, I don't think that's going happen. But I think all the people in TWD universal will be grappling with that moving forward.

We saw quite a few round wheels divided into three sections while aboard the submarine. Now, I get that this is just what submarines look like. They often use doors and hatches that make use of these wheels to open them. But we saw something like this in the background of almost every scene of the entire episode, and the camera focused on them lot. They really wanted us to notice it. They look a lot like one of the poison/hazard signs we often see. Again, not a big deal, but a foreshadow that what happens on the sub is going end up poisoning the water.

Side note: I looked up what these wheels on submarines that open, close and seal doors are called. They’re called DOGS. No lie. So we basically have tons of Sirius symbolism throughout this episode and especially all over the submarine. Just saying. :D

The basic gist of what happens here is that Morgan's group goes in and tries to stop the missiles from being launched. As I said, only one gets launched, which is better than all 23, but they don't entirely succeed because that one with the 10 warheads does go off. Some people wait outside, and others have gone to some sort of base or bunker to get schematics so that they can talk Morgan's group through where to go once inside the enormous submarine.

We learned that Riley was an officer on the boat, which is how he knows about all of this. Morgan goes down first, but Grace quickly follows. She stays near the hatch to use the radio and communicate between the group going deeper into the sub, because the communications will be cut off, and the people outside. They also learned that there might be as many as 150 walkers in the submarine because that's how many crew were in there and for all they know, the entire crew died in the sub.

I don't have any massive theories about this number but hundred and 50 is a 10x multiple of 15. And that just goes back to Gimple saying he has through season 15 of the show planned out.

I think it's interesting that the interior of the submarine is bright yellow. Again, this might be common for subs—I really don't know—but it's interesting that the outside of the sub is bright red in the inside is bright yellow.

Once they’re in, they start speaking to Teddy via the comm system. I thought it was interesting that once he realized it was John Dorie, Sr speaking to him, he got very agitated.

Strand and Morgan end up in one of the deeper rooms together, trying to find a way to where Teddy is. They learn that the radiation in the path they’re trying to take is very high and will more than likely kill them. Strand wants to find another way. Morgan doesn't. Finally, Morgan relents and goes with Strand, but they soon find themselves trapped with no way through.

Then Strand does something interesting. He basically throws Morgan to the wolves by kicking him towards walkers and leaving him there so Strand himself can escape.

On the surface, this definitely feels like a Shane moment. Strand sacrificed Morgan (just as Shane did Otis in S2) so he could escape himself. But later on, when Morgan makes it out okay, Strand says the reason he did it was because he knew if he pushed Morgan to the point where he had to survive and was on the verge of death, he’d find a way to do it, and Morgan did. So, he makes it sound like this was his plan all along.

It’s basically the, "it went the way it had to; the way it was always going to” theme. Even though no one actually says that, so there’s no dialogue parallel, that's basically what Strand is arguing here. But why would they put that theme here?

Let me explain. Understand, I'm really not suggesting that this is okay or that we should trust Strand in anything. He’s clearly okay with throwing people under the bus so that he can survive, which is not cool. I also do think that this is a massive theme and there’s symbolism going on here.

Morgan was thrown to a group of walkers who then surrounded and piled on top of him. That's pretty much with what we think happened with Beth except she was in the car and had that for protection.

And how did Morgan escape? They don't show us. We don't know. Very similar to when Rick got stuck in the RV in 6x03 and somehow miraculously escaped. I'm not saying all these instances are terribly realistic, but there’s a theme about being surrounded by walkers and that, for all intents and purposes, the character should have died, but somehow, they make it out alive.

So this is a very Beth-ish theme. In the episode, Dakota even says over the radio that Strand killed Morgan, which makes Grace cry. But then he shows up again. So, this is a very tiny death, fake out, and resurrection.

But there’s a more practical product of Strand’s actions here as well. Morgan manages to steal a bunch of key cards (yes, the “keys”) to the room Teddy is in. That would not have happened if Strand had not sacrificed Morgan and left him behind. They would have simply been locked outside the room and all 23 of the missiles would have been launched, more than likely resulting in some kind of nuclear winter. The ONLY reason they were able to prevent as much as they did is because Strand left Morgan behind.

See where I’m going with this? Much as with Beth, according to Father Gabriel was “sacrificed” and left behind, Morgan was, too. And he returned with the keys that saved everyone.

I really do think the same will be true Beth. It will be one of these things where only because she was left behind and knows what she knows about the CRM will team family have any hope of winning the war or surviving in the long term. That's the whole function of her arc of being left behind. It’s why we saw the keys at Grady in Coda. Because what happened there will be the key to saving everyone much farther down the line.

From a Christian symbolism perspective, let’s just appreciate that there were plenty of his followers who mourned him and thought him dead for good because they didn’t understand the resurrection angle. They were shocked when he suddenly stood before him again. Happy, but shocked.

That’s basically the effect tptb are trying to create here with both TF and the audience. That’s why all the misdirection and evasion. That’s why the death fake out. It’s a long game, but it’s really kind of genius.

Anyway, that’s why we saw this whole Strand/Morgan sequence in this episode. It’s a template for what happened with Beth.

Every time we see something like this, it also puts me in mind of what happened with Sasha. We don’t know exactly what it is, yet, but Father Gabriel, in 5x16, accused her of sacrificing one of their own. You could take FG’s entire speech from that episode and apply it to this smaller situation with Morgan and Strand and it would work across the board. So, whatever happened during those missing 17 days, Sasha is in Strand’s position in the template and did something to “sacrifice” Beth.

But I digress…

While standing in front of the door, Strand and Morgan also see a woman who looks like a civilian. Strand says she's probably one of Teddy's people because she's not wearing any kind of Navy uniform. She's wearing almost entirely blue with specs of yellow on her shirt.

The other symbol we saw a lot of here is walkers handcuffed to various places in the submarine. Some of them are handcuffed in their bunks. Others to the stations that were manning when they died. It reminds me of the random handcuffed Daryl found in S8.

In that case, there was no one in it, which suggests escape from captivity (*coughs Beth*). Here, the people are all still in handcuffs and they clearly died and became walkers. So, it's sort of a death while in captivity sort of theme. And I'm not sure how to relate it to Beth, exactly, except that it's an anti-parallel. But I'm absolutely certain it's intentional and we should take note of it.

It took two keys, which is important (2 Theory) to launch the first missile.

Teddy says that one is enough to get them started, and he doesn’t say exactly where it's going or what places he’s targeted, but he says they will be hard to miss. I’m hoping they tell us what the targets were in 6x16 next week. Since they’re in Texas, the targets may play heavily into Texas and Eugene themes. But we’ll just have to wait and see.

Then Teddy literally says this of where the missiles might be going:

"Maybe toward the water—oh." He goes on to say more. The “oh” is a realization of something. But it caught my eye that we had the water mention and the “oh” in the same sentence.

Morgan basically lets John and Riley go. This is the only super unrealistic thing I noticed in this episode. Why would you let them go so they can continue their evil plan? But clearly their time in the story isn’t up and the writers need them to be around for whatever will happen next.

Two more symbols to take note of before I end.

Morgan's ax is broken. I really think this is probably a symbol of the world he’s been trying to create being over. Remember that he put the ax outside the community as a symbol of solidarity and peace. Now it's broken, which means that peace is broken. And no matter what happens, they will probably never have the community Grace saw in her dream. It doesn't surprise me because I figured at some point, the characters from Fear will cross back over to the main show or else to the spinoff. This is just a symbol that the wonderful, peaceful world that Morgan was trying to create pretty much ended when this missile was launched.

Going back to the beginning of the episode when it showed the wind blowing through the church doors and the defunct merry-go-round (which represents his and Grace's relationship), this is why the symbols are so potent. It foreshadows that all the good things that they built up so far are about to end.

Finally, they started with 23 missiles in the submarine. They launched one. Which means there are 22 left. Check out @frangipanilove’s 22 theory for why that's so important.

How did everyone else like the episode? Did you see anything I missed?

[downwiththeficness]

In the Bond-Chapter 13

Summary: Lilah often wished she’d never said yes to working with the Gecko brothers—usually while dodging gunfire. At no time was she regretting that decision more than when she’s hanging upside down from the ceiling, staring down a group of hungry culebras and one (1) extremely powerful sun god.

Word Count: ~2,600

Warnings: None

A/N: This is an AU of my Story In the Blood, which can be read here. Basically, this fic explores what would have happened if Lilah had met up with Geckos before she met Brasa.

Taglist: @symbiont13

Start from the beginning   Previous Chapter   Next Chapter  

Read on AO3   Masterlist

Lilah swung the shopping bag in one hand, the other shoving the keys into her pocket. She’d ended out keeping the SUV Brasa had lent her the week previous, claiming that she liked the ‘rental’ so much that she’d made an offer to buy it outright. It was a believable lie, Lilah had a habit of picking up and dropping off cars on a whim. Easier to keep under the radar when no one knew what make and model she drove.

The air conditioning in the bar hit her hard, goosebumps rising along her arms. It was nearly empty, as it usually was mid-afternoon. Too late for the morning crowd to stay, too early for the night crowd to meander in. The room smelled vaguely of liquor and the sun streaming in through the windows cast unfamiliar shadows over the floor.

She noticed that Kate was sitting at the bar, nursing a soda. For once, Richie was nowhere to be seen. Lilah sidled on up to her, dropped the bag on the floor as she took a seat, and signaled to bartender.

“Bourbon and coke.”

Kate smiled at her, “Isn’t it a little early to be drinking?”

This was said with a smile that could potentially be described as sly. Lilah, like Seth, didn’t exactly adhere to a strict schedule when it came to alcohol. Too many nights that turned into days that turned into diving into a bottle to forget.

“It’ll be five o’ clock in...three hours,” Lilah quipped as she took the glass from the bartender, “Close enough.”

Lilah sat with her drink for a while, enjoying the fact that there was little to no activity going on in the bar. Aside from Kate and the bartender, the room was pretty much empty. She realized that she had spent almost all of her awake hours the last few days either catching up on what had happened while she was gone or in some kind of meeting.

Seth had taken a more active role in managing the staff, and he consulted with Lilah daily about one thing or another—usually some sort of internal conflict. She’d taken to writing down some basic policies and procedures for him to reference so that he wasn’t knocking on her door in the middle of the night with questions. Despite having just come back from a three month vacation, Lilah still needed to sleep.

A question floated across that train of thought, “What’s Richie been up to?”

Kate gave a little shrug, “The usual, trying to maintain some sort of order with our nocturnal friends.”

“Oh?”

Nodding, Kate added, “Its not just Brasa’s people that are struggling to adjust. We’ve had some kickback here, too.”

To give herself a moment to think, Lilah took a slow pull from her glass, “And how is that going?”

“Well,” her voice had a soft tone of uncertainty, “They aren’t super happy that we’ve done some population control. Kind of kills the mood when we’re trying to get them to buy in to the new way of doing things.”

“I can imagine.”

Given what Lilah had seen in the cave not a few days before, she had a good idea of what Seth and Richie were facing on the other side of the fence. They offered work and beds to those who could staff the bar, but didn’t have the organization or power that Brasa seemed to have. It was lucky that Richie had such a mind that he could predict attacks with an uncanny accuracy. Otherwise, or both brothers would be dead by now.

Rolling her neck, Kate offered, “But, there are a surprising number that want to assimilate—they miss their old lives, you know?”

Lilah did know. There was still a part of her, slowly dwindling, that wanted to go back to the night she met Seth and tell him to fuck off. Everything would have been a whole lot simpler now, if she had. On the other hand, she wouldn’t have met Brasa. He’d become so critically ingrained in her everyday life that the thought of him not being there felt too strange to contemplate.

“Are you gonna talk about it now?” Kate asked without provocation. She had pushed her soda away and was fixing Lilah with a narrowed look.

Lilah blinked, “What?”

With a sigh borne out of frustration, Kate turned on her stool and faced Lilah head on, “The bond. Are you going to talk about it?”

Stunned, Lilah felt her jaw unhinge as she stared at Kate in shock. She went over her recent memories to double check that she hadn’t given it away. Lilah had kept it hidden, she was sure of it.

Kate laughed, a high, clear sound that made Lilah flinch, “Richie told me about it months ago. You can’t hide that kind of thing from other culebras. Its supposed to be obvious, for safety’s sake. Keeps them from crossing boundaries accidentally.”

Lilah continued to stare, her chest tightening as she slowly began to panic. She’d ask Brasa about how it was ‘obvious’ later, when her mind had stopped spinning. For now, she had no lie to put things to right again.

Kate noted her stricken expression and laid a gentle hand on her arm, “Its okay. I won’t tell. I just thought you might need someone to talk to. I know I did.”

Dear holy fuck, but Lilah really needed someone to talk to. All of these months and months of keeping her mouth shut had built up in a way that took an immense effort to subsume.

After another moment’s pause, Lilah blurted, “I don’t know how to handle it. Its everywhere, all the time. And… the worst part is that I don’t care. I’m still struggling to accept it, but I want to keep it.”

The dichotomy of being both ashamed and deeply satisfied by her relationship with Brasa was the thing that kept her chest tight, her shoulders hunched. It sat next to her as she tried to sleep at night. It needled her in the quiet moments between tasks. Lilah rubbed at her forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

Kate’s smile was serene, “That’s good, because if Richie’s anything to go by, Brasa wouldn’t allow you to break the bond, even if you wanted to. He’d die to keep it intact.”

Lilah’s brows came together, “What does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said. He’d do anything to keep you with him. He kind of has to, anyways.”

“What does that mean?”

Kate lifted her hand to signal the bartender, “Two of what she’s having.” Then, she turned back to Lilah, “Listen, I don’t know if its matches up exactly with how my bond with Richie is, but Brasa is the one bonded to you, not the other way around.”

Lilah looked at her blank faced. The book had definitely not put it that way. Brasa had said he was the elder, he had said that he would be expected to lead.

The bartender brought their drinks and Kate fiddled with the little straw, stirring the ice around, “You’re weaker than he is.”

Lilah sneered, “Is it that obvious?”

Kate rolled her eyes, pushing Lilah’s glass at her, “Its always the strong party’s responsibility to protect and serve the weaker. Evens the playing field when—is it fate? Whenever whatever that decides these things steps in.”

“I don’t get it,” Lilah said blandly.

Honestly, she was getting tired of feeling confused. All these shifting realities were difficult enough to track and follow. She didn’t need to feel stupid on top of it.

Giving another little shrug, Kate took their drinks from the bartender, setting one in front of Lilah, “He’s like a billion years old and a literal demigod. The bond would weaken him long term, if he didn’t build you up, if he didn’t lend you some of his power.”

This rang of familiarity, and it made Lilah’s skin tighten with awareness of how she had never put two and two together. Still, the pieces weren’t locking into place cleanly enough for her to feel like she was on steady ground.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Swirling the amber liquid in her glass, Kate fixed her with a coy smile, “It means that a large part of his life will be spent listening to and anticipating your needs. In return, your blood will make him stronger than he ever was, or ever could be without it.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Welcome to supernatural mating practices,” Kate deadpanned. “None of it really makes any sense.”

Lilah turned the whole thing around in her mind, “So, he has to do what I say?”

“He is inclined to do as you ask, but your safety and protection is his priority, above all.”

There was something in the statement that didn’t sit well with Lilah. She was used to commanding some sense of obedience during jobs, but this was far more intimate. It felt wrong to know that she could just...ask for something, and he would do it without question.

“But,” Lilah continued, “I don’t want to order him around.”

Kate set her glass down, “I don’t doubt it. I’ve had to learn to watch my words around Richie. If I even look at something in store for more than five seconds, It’ll be waiting for me when we get home.”

Lilah thought about it. Brasa hadn’t bought her anything, that she could tell, but he had given in to her will on numerous occasions. She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t figured it out yet.

“Have you had the dreams yet?”

Lilah snapped back to attention, “Dreams?”

“Yeah,” Kate prompted, her expression taking on a little excitement, “Where you’re sharing them?”

“Uh,” Lilah drawled, embarrassed, “A little.”

Kate nodded sagely, “If the bond is stressed, you’ll have more of them.”

“Why?”

“No idea,” Kate said as she fiddled with her glass.

There was a long silence, both of them lost in their thoughts. Lilah considered how far she’d come in her bond with Brasa, and how far she still needed to go. There were so many unknowns, and she feared that her reticence would eventually lead to him leaving her. And yet...Kate had said that he couldn’t—that would lead to worse things. Lilah could handle rejection, but eternal resentment was not something she was prepared to deal with.

“What’s he like?”

Lilah looked up at the question, her brows rising, “Who?”

Kate shot her a knowing look, “Brasa.”

Lilah considered the question, her breath flowing out of her lungs in a soft sigh, “He’s accommodating.”

“And?”

Lilah felt another little wave of embarrassment well up. She wasn’t used to disclosing this kind of information, and the thought of gushing to a girlfriend about a lover made her cringe. Still, this was likely the only person in the world who could really understand what she was going through, who could put things into perspective and help her make good decisions.

“He’s...smart. So smart. Every time we talk about the business, I feel like I’m taking a master class. And, he really listens to me, wants to know my opinion on things.”

“And?”

She thought further, “He’s attractive. Sometimes I look at him and I just…”

As she trailed off, Kate nudged her, “Have you had sex yet?”

“No,” Lilah admitted, “Although we’ve made out a few times—fuck, that makes me sound like a teenager.”

Kate chuckled, lifting her glass to her mouth, “That’s what I felt like, too. Although, I was actually, like, seventeen when Richie and I met.”

This was a story that Lilah had been waiting to hear. The two of them were so diametrically opposed in personality that the match seemed unlikely. She had asked Richie just the one time about how they got together, before Kate had been rescued from Amaru. His only answer was that he ‘kidnapped her.’

“Yeah?” Lilah prodded lightly.

“Yep,” she sat the glass down, “I don’t think either of us knew what was going on. Not until much later.”

“When did you finally figure it out?”

Kate pushed her dark hair from her face, her gaze contemplative, “After Amaru—in Xibalba, actually. We had a little time to talk when we were traveling between worlds. Richie had learned a lot while we were separated.” She paused, a smile forming on her lips, “He had to do a lot of convincing, but what Amaru knew, I knew. And, she knew about bonding. Even though I put it off for a bit, I knew eventually I would have to come to terms with it.”

Lilah felt the question she wanted to ask rise, and she almost tamped it down, but her lesser instincts kicked in, “Do you regret it?”

Kate shook her head, “Richie can be a real asshole, but he loves me. And all the other things that he is, all the things that make up our relationship, they satisfy me in ways I can’t describe.”

And that was exactly how Lilah felt, when she took the time to examine the bond more closely. All the restlessness of her life settled into a soothing, temperate pace when she was with him. Her eager ideas gained focus and precision, her impulsivity checked.

“You’ve given me a lot to think about,” Lilah said as she slumped in her chair.

Kate gave her sympathetic look, “I was trying to help you unload a bit of what you’ve been carrying around.”

To be fair, Lilah did feel lighter. There was still the issue of dealing with Seth and his temper when he found out, but she found that she liked having a secret ally in all of this. It lent her a small bit of safety that she appreciated.

Lilah glanced at her, “Does anyone else know?”

Shaking her head, Kate put her finger to her lips, “Its our secret, for now. But, it’ll come out eventually. Like I said, you can’t hide this kind of thing for long.”

“I know,” Lilah admitted, “Brasa is willing to keep this under wraps for the moment, but I can tell he’s frustrated by it.”

Kate watched her absorb that for a moment, then added, “Pro tip: Sleep with him.”

Lilah said her name in almost a yelp, shocked by the directive.

“I’m not kidding,” Kate said on a laugh, “Sex and blood are cornerstones of their relationships. They’re what bind them together, like it or not. Give him those things, and he’ll settle down enough so that you can figure this out.”

Lilah thought about it, then said the thing that had kept her hiding this secret for longer than she would like, “Seth is going to hate me.”

Kate acknowledged the statement with a salute of her drink, “He might not like it. He might mope around for a few months—hell, he might take off entirely. But, he’ll be back. He just has to have his tantrum first.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“How?”

Kate lifted a shoulder, “He did the same thing with Richie when he was turned. Ran off for a bit. He’ll come around. Once he realizes that being a big baby about it means that you won’t be in his life anymore.” She paused a second, then, “We’re a family, you know? All of us. And, the most important thing to Seth is family.”

“You think so?” Lilah echoed.

Kate smiled warmly, “I know so.”

[fizzingwizard]

Digimon Adventure: Ep 19!

Wow! That certainly was an Episode!! It was pretty fun from start to finish, though nothing mind-blowing, but it was definitely the ending that made me gasp. Not wholly unexpected to an old turnip like me, but promising lots of fun (and angst!).

Picture of the week: MIKO, THE TRUE STAR OF THE SERIES!!

no for serious are the writers reading my reviews? they keep giving me what I want. within reason I guess. They seem to have an extremely limited budget as usual x’D

but Miko is still adorbs

ok I’m really looking forward to recapping this one so let’s get to it!

So last week I thought the kids sans Taichi and Yamato were abducted by Devimon, but apparently that either isn’t the case, or it was, but then Devimon decided it’s best just to dump the kids back on Earth and hold on to their partners. Because that’s the current situation. While concerning that the kids are separated from their partners, it’s probably best this way, since Devimon appears to be sending Gesomon(?) and Parrotmon(?)

to the human world, if I remember right. It’s hard to remember what happened in the first fifteen seconds kay So when the kids find their partners it will probably be in the human world and they can fight back.

Meanwhile Taichi and Yamato are alone and very Confuse

Taichi tries frantically to contact Koushirou. The others too... but especially Koushirou.

Finally he gets him!! He’s so happy!! My Taishiro heart flutters!

But I was fully expecting it to be a trap. When I saw this still here, my first thought was “Devimon’s forcing him to tell Taichi a lie by threatening him with a gun!!”

of course thats not whats happening. Koushirou is relatively fine and there are no guns (yet). What’s happened is the other kids have been sent back to the human world for reals this time!

This show is not even bothering to hide its Taiyama angle.

They spend the entire episode giving each other Significant Looks like this. The entire episode.

Now where’s Jou through all of this, you ask?

He went to talk to the police. He’s shocked they don’t believe his story about monster attacks and the world ending (well, at least Tokyo ending). I freaking love how taaaaall Jou is. Though it makes Koushirou look like a bean x’D

Jou = beansprout / Koushirou = bean

Koushirou has a much easier time dealing with the news that the police don’t believe them. He’s a denizen of the Internet. He knows how people’s minds work. And he has tons of chat logs to prove it.

People are chatting and spreading gossip and disbelief and complaints, but my favorite is the comment that just says “It’s a flood of fake news” xP

The home team runs into Mama Yagami! Who Sora literally calls Mama Yagami! x’D I mean I know that’s how kids generally refer to their friends’ parents but I still lol’d.

So un... Jou is almost as tall as Mama Yagami. LMAO. I’m gonna assume she’s short. Jou might indeed be quite tall for his age but Sora and Mimi are pretty close to Mama Yagami’s height too. I guess we haven’t seen Taichi standing next to his mom yet! With his hair he’s probably taller than her.

So Mama Yagami is HILARIOUS and I’m so glad that’s a continuing thing in the reboot! She was already that way in 99 Adventure, but we’re just seeing a lot of it now - like every time she’s around. (And we didn’t see it in Tri so I missed that.) Basically she seems like a basketcase. Not a totally irresponsible one, more like just... generally the carefree go with the flow type. Which is not bad. She just also seems a bit, uh, ditzy?? I think Taichi probably grew to be so serious by necessity. Dad’s busy with work and someone’s gotta make sure mom doesn’t leave the house without her keys!

The way Sora just stares at Hikari like “explain??” after Mama Yagami thrusts Miko at her and runs off to get her car with a big smile as if they hadn’t all nearly died recently... bahahaha.

also I love how she doesn’t even bother asking her son’s good friend if she knows where he is after not seeing or hearing from him for three full days

^The face of a boy shouldering the weight of nuclear family life and all its batshitness

Taichi and Yamato determine their priority is find the Holy Digimon. I wish they were a little more concerned with what happened to their friends’ partners, but I guess this is the only goal with solid clues. Anyway before they can do anything they are attacked by Bulbmon Looks like subtitlers went with Valvemon which also works, who looks like a Lego monster creation by an eight year old (and probably is).

He has the Domo face. Grrraaah

Domo is NHK mascot by the way. bahahaha

Next these guys come swarming out of Valvemon. (And if we didn’t already get it, apparently Digimon can construct other Digimon as we’ve seen before.) Nothing is quite as freaky as gas masks. They are commanded by Minotaurmon/Mintaromon whatever.

They too have the aim of Stormtroopers though so our heroes will be fine...

... probably...

... then Leomon finally shows up!! Yay! He looks good! All beefy and scarred and sounding exactly like Zaraki Kenpachi. Uhh. Is it the same VA?? Nothing comes up in the Google search so maybe not but it sure sounds like him. (Minotaurmon and Ogremon also sound like Leomon... while it’s normal for VAs in kids shows to voice multiple characters esp minor ones, it literally sounds like Zaraki Kenpachi is the voice of all the characters in this episode besides the main ones. And Mama Yagami of course because that would be weird.)

Leomon may look cool, but his ride... and his friends... uh, less cool x’D I want to strangle that ostrich thing with its own scarf somehow it inspires violent emotion in me

In the smallest, most shocked voice, Yamato says, “Leomon...?” It’s honestly kind of adorable. He’s clearly remembering what Neemon said about Leomon leading the resistance way back when.

Leomon helps them escape. Taichi very considerately and cutely helps Agumon aboard the fashion disaster ostrich emu thing.

Yamato also considerately helps his partner but rather less cutely xD

Leomon takes them to his hideout and gives them your standard fare of weird-looking Digi fruit. He then proceeds to tell them about Devimon and that he is trying to infiltrate Valvemon yadda yadda.

Taichi is freaking ADORABLE, immediately concerned that by saving their asses, Leomon’s battle plans have been ruined. Leomon waves that aside though. Yamato is equally adorabibble when he asks after Neemon and gets told that they made it to Leomon safely.

Leomon plans to try to get into Valvemon again because he knows Devimon’s put something related to the holy Digimon in there. Taichi is determined to join in. He doesn’t have much of an argument as it why they should be allowed when they just got their butts kicked so easily, but he has a trick up his sleeve: the Burning Eyes of Fiery Passion.

Not to be outdone, Yamato shoots off his Icy Eyes of Cold Determination.

Faced with this twin assault, Leomon has to give in. Ahh, I remember last week when we saw the trailer for this ep and I naively thought Leomon would train them like Piximon did in 99 Adventure. Nope. They’ve just met and they’re already spy buddies.

Okay, okay, yeah Leomon does seem to have some knowledge of the “Chosen Children” and that’s his real motivation. Still.

They break into Valvemon and we get the excellent invention of Agumon riding on Garurumon. I assume because of Garurumon’s advantageous speed. That seems to be recurring thing in this show.

Idk I just capped this because he’s so darn cute

I don’t know why I capped this one though.

They enter some sort of central space where Leomon tells them something relevant to the holy Digimon is being kept. (Lol I already forgot the details of what he said.) There are two protectors, Minotaurmon and Bullmon. Leomon tells the kids to take Bullmon while he faces down Minotaurmon. These guys might have been somewhat intimidating if we hadn’t already got Perfect level evolutions mastered, not to mention the occasional Jogress :P Sooo I didn’t feel too worried.

... uh, never mind x’D Taichi what are you doing

Yamato saves his idiot butt and almost gets in a bind himself. Once again I’m just wondering why they are sticking at Adult level. Whatever. They win of course

Leomon uses his Fist of the Beast King to maim Minotaurmon. His brilliant one-liner? “I have more than one first.”

Bully: *punches you*

You: ow

Bully: *smirk* I have more than one fist.

You: That’s funny, I only have one, but it’s made of titanium *You punch the bully straight through the stratosphere* Quality over quantity!!!!

*cough*

Our heroes approach the secret compartment supposedly holding something to do with the holy Digimon... Yamato gets a look inside and gets the black shadow of true terror over his eyes

becaue floating inside like some kind of Weapon X experiment is... Takeru!!!

Hold on while I put in my ear plugs. Okay, ready, screech all you want now.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

So... okay. First of all, baby Takeru is sooooooo cute <3 I had two predictions about what happened to Takeru last week. Either he ended up in the digital world and was now on his own, or he got abducted by Devimon. I thought the former was more likely, but in hindsight, it should have been obvious that it was the second. This show misses a lot of points where I feel like they could have developed some relationships or thrown in some drama, but it never passes up a chance for Yamato angst.

So yeah, this is pretty much gonna destroy Yamato xD Not only is the baby brother he wanted to protect no longer at home where he can easily protect him, he’s now in the digital world and in the enemy’s clutches.

I BETTER SEE REALLY TRAUMATIZED YAMATO NEXT WEEK. Of course, I expect him to be cool-headed enough to try to save Takeru, but I will be very disappoint if this goes off with no break downs at all. Takeru is always Yamato’s number one priority!

Super exciteddddd

So I give this ep 7.5/10. The .5 is pretty much for ending with a killer cliffhanger. My one real complaint about this ep is how highly plot-based everything is - we finally got the team all together only to split them up, and on top of that, once split up, we don’t even get all that many character moments between Taichi and Yamato. As I said, they give each other lots of Signifcant Looks, but man cannot live on bread alone. However this is par for the course for this show and I know I should stop mentioning it every week because I doubt it’s changing. We will get the big shockers when we get them and not a moment before.

I just want Yamato to cry in front of Taichi and make him all uncomfortable x’D That’s what made 99 Adventure so great bahahaha

Some cool bits from next week’s trailer:

Surprise surprise, Angemon is the holy Digimon! Or one of, anyway. And he is indeed trapped. This makes the “Angemon is Devimon” theory less likely. Let’s not forget that our heroes’ Digimon partners were evidently a band of powerful warriors in the past, but they’ve forgotten much of it. I won’t be surprised if the result of that war played a part in Angemon’s abduction.

Next week they’ll have to fight to save Takeru from being drained, I guess.

And then!! Digi egg! Excite. Also I only just noticed that his hate says TK!!!

Takeruuu <3 My first fav when I was 10. Though my heart has belonged to Taichi for many long years, I still have a special spot in it for Takeru only <3 Even if he does dress like a celery stick

[curestardust]

if you want: (bad) sci-fi comedy with drama / lots of boring characters but cute waifus / weird and overcomplicated plot 

Watching the anime from the top of the Seasonal pile is always a gamble. Somehow an anime about horse girls (x) that I assumed to be fanservice-galore ended up being one of my favourites and then a sci-fi mystery which I was quite looking forward to ended up being a fucking trainwreck.

“Kanata no Astra” is, to put it plainly, a plot twist factory. We have like 3 episodes of the characters just doing stuff then every fucking episode ends on a cliffhanger and ups and ups and ups the story to where it goes from shocking to “you can NOT be serious”.

But lets roll it back a bit, to the very first episode. After an overdrawn sequence introducing us to Aries and Kanata, we finally meet the rest of the characters. The year is 2063, and apparently they have camps now where they just drop off a bunch of students on another planet to survive for a week and this is normal. Cool. Immediately, you know the personality of each main character as they’re as cookie-cutter as it gets and we’ve seen it a 1000 times. The clumsy one, the one with the hero complex, the cool and smart one, the tsundere, the brooding one, the shy one, the charming one and the always cheery one. There’s also a 10-year-old with them, who’s cute. Of course, all of them also have their random skills that will make them useful for the trip. Which of course goes as well as you would expect. Like 2 minutes after landing on McPa, their camping planet, a random ass sphere appears and sucks each of the characters in, who find themselves in deep space. Somehow, all of them managed to put their helmets back on so now their main problem is that they’re floating in the middle of nowhere! But do not worry, dear viewer, as a old ship is for some reason floating very close to them and after a bit of dramatic struggling they all manage to board it. Then comes the shocking reveal! They somehow ended up 5,000 lightyears away from their home planet! There isn’t enough food or water for a full trip. Oh no! But do not worry, dear viewer, as somehow there are 5 habitable planets just on their way back home where they can restock (and at this point the possibility of food and water shortage is immediately forgotten). What a coincidence! And this is where we start our story, a group of teens, lost in space, against the elements, having to visit dangerous planets and the mystery as to how this all happened. Sounds interesting enough, right? Well, prepare for all that potential to be squandered.

This is where the spoilers start as I need to talk about all the nonesense I’ve been subjected to.

<spoilers start>

First of the planets they visit all blend together. There is only one thing that’s a threat and it’s always the fucking plants. There is one time an animal is a threat to one of them but that’s solved in a few minutes. It doesn’t matter anyway, as it’s quite obvious that none of them are going to die. This anime tries to blend lighthearted humour with drama and it really doesn’t work. The humour always comes out of nowhere at the worst moments possible, always undercutting the seriousness of any situation. The characters also get their backstories revealed, usually in boring flashbacks, and I could basically see the “Plot Armour Unlocked” achievement pop up in my peripheral vision whenever that happened. Then these characters get thrown into the background and are relegated to random remarks so we don’t forget that they still exist as we move forward with the story. These backstory reveals are supposed to make us really feel for these characters which would be carrying the emotional weight of the upcoming dramatic moments but it doesn’t change the fact that all of them have 1 personality trait. The anime was basically asking me to care for characters with the personality of a pebble. I didn’t. And that’s bad because everyone is always CRYING! Speech? Crying. Reconcaliation? Crying. Dramatic backstory? Crying. Danger? Crying. Anything? Crying! I was rolling my eyes so often I almost gave myself a migraine.

Then the main story. First, the “smart one” (Zack) and the” hero complex turned captain” (Kanata) find out that there’s a traitor among them who was the cause behind the sphere. Then they do the logical thing and keep it to themselves and observe everyone with a close e- OF COURSE THEY DON’T DO THAT. They immediately tell everyone on the ship about it! There’s an uproar that lasts about 30 seconds then they all settle on the fact that they’re all companions and friends now UWU and they shouldn’t worry about it. Anyway, anyone with half a brain could narrow the potential suspect down to 3 characters. Luca, the DIY master and cheery one, Ulgar, the always brooding and mysterious one and Charce, the charming chef who doesn’t seem to have anything bad about him. Well, Luca and Ulgar have a show off on like the second or third planet where their backstories get unlocked and they can be crossed out from the list. Meaning, that you knew who the traitor was halfway through, making their reveal pretty lackluster.

But this all would’ve been fine, has it not been for the plot surrounding their “attempted murder”. Through everyone’s stories one thing becomes clear: they all had shitty parents (except for Aries). If I had known what the actual reason ends up being I’d have been screaming “NO this is good, this is an interesting concept!!!”. As we get a few scenes with the parents back home, this could’ve been so interesting. Maybe, they sent their kids they didn’t love to die and then someone regrets it and threatens to report it and then they have to stop them! THAT would’ve been great. The actual reason though, not only is ridiculous but comes from complete speculation. The 10-year-old with them, Funi is another member’s adopted little sister, the tsundere Quitterie’s. The 2 look literally the same. Same skin colour, hair colour, eye colour but somehow this didn’t peak Quitterie’s curiosity in the slightest as when Zack does a DNA test she is like “omg what if we’re actually related wow”. Except, Zack finds something else: the 2′s DNA are a complete match. So he reveals to them that they’re “the same person”. Interesting. Then he jumps about 1km forward and arrives to the conclusion that they are, in fact, ALL clones of their parents and as a law was passed tha made cloning illegal, it was the reason for wanting to kill them in deep space. Wha...

Ok...ok. Now we’re going into a weird territory but I can deal with this. Not a bad concept. Aight.

Except it doesn’t stop here. On their last planet, they find an astronaut who’s been in stasis after her ship broke down. When the team finds her and unfreezes her she is like “OMG I can finally go back to Earth!!!” and they’re like “...what’s Earth?”. Now this storyline was what completely broke me. They apparently live on a planet that looks very much like Earth, called Astra. Which is fun cause they named their ship Astra...and they acted like they didn’t know what it was? There was a plaque with the quote “Per aspera, ad Astra” in the ship (which I’m quite familiar with as it’s one of my favourite quotes). Then Kanata is like “Astra....I like that.” ISN’T THAT YOUR PLANET’S NAME??? Imagine naming your ship “Earth”, like????????

Khm, anyway, Polina, the astronaut, explains to them that an asteroid was supposed to crash into Earth and this is why they were looking for another planet to migrate to. Jump a little forward and we get the info that the sphere is actually a warp gate humanity used to move over to Astra, however there was war and crime and shit over land and they deactivated them. Then humanity was so ashamed that they “rolled back history” 100 years and erased that part from human history......and this somehow worked.....oh and they also abolished all countries and unified the whole planet and made everyone speak the same language. Oh, and they also banned guns...

Anyway, all this is kept secret by the only place they allowed to keep the Monarchy system which is where Charce is from and is how he knows all this. Then he goes and completely KO’s me with his final revelation that Aries is the clone of the daughter of the king??? And was being raised by one of her handmaidens??

Let me also finish this complain-fest off with the stupidest moment in the whole anime. Charce, after realising that he does actually want to be with his friends, activates the warp gate to commit suicide. Kanata jumps to him and he....he.....puts his arm out toward the warp gate and shouts “Stay back!” at it. Then when that OBVIOUSLY doesn’t work and his forearm gets sucked in Charce panicks and deactivates the gate, ripping Kanata’s right forearm off. This is all pretty hilarious in itself but then Kanata dramatically says to Charce “You promised to be my right hand man” as we get a shot of his bloody amputated right arm. [Key Smash]. I laughed for almost 5 minutes at that.

<spoilers end>

If you skipped all that here’s a short summary: can’t balance the drama and the humour, the humour is pretty bad, the characters all have 1 personality trait, the emotional moments don’t carry any weight, incredibly stupid and overcomplicated story with a lot of plot holes, predictable outcomes.

But for some reason people do like this anime. I’m guessing half of them are there for the cute waifus and the other half hasn’t seen actually good sci-fi comedy with drama (cough Cowboy Bebop cough) but whatever. Watch it, don’t watch it, this was more of me complaining than an actual review.

[3/10] (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1

Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.

Notes: theMANtle: reggie

ao3

Friday, 3:17 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!

jugheadalones: im so excited!

hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick

jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you

jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school

nopeaz: that makes more sense

veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.

veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.

goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.

wannabett: guilty :/

spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats

spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating

goingtoheller: i'll come as well.

nopeaz: cher and ill come too

hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there

jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?

wannabett: not really. sorry jug

jugheadalones: fine.

hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties

hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me

veroffica: b and i will be there.

spillthefogarTEA: me too

goingtoheller: i'll be there.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic

hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming

hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica

veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??

hisshissmotherfucker: nope

jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?

hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come

jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.

nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously

jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?

hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol

hbicheryl: tt moved in with me

goingtoheller: WHAT??

goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??

hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??

hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child

hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents

nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'

goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)

nopeaz: no problem son

hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)

jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?

wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??

hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills

hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man

hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??

wannabett: uh... no?

hbicheryl: thats what i thought

nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot

spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped

spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay

nopeaz: yeah ik

jugheadalones: moving on

jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.

veroffica: um... what?

veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?

hisshissmotherfucker: yes

spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in

nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship

hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual

wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??

hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock

veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??

goingtoheller: we have our ways.

wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window

wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen

nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!

jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?

jugheadalones: so anyway

jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?

wannabett: guys im straight!!

goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.

hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10

hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned

veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!

wannabett: ^^^^

wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!

hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that

hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys

hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again

spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question

veroffica: uh...

veroffica: i mean, um...

veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!

nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it

veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.

jugheadalones: mmmhmm

wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party

wannabett: its in three days remember

hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation

veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.

goingtoheller: wait... for real?

wannabett: uh yeah really v??

veroffica: within reason, of course.

spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this

veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.

veroffica: deal?

hisshissmotherfucker: deal

wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work

veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.

[wannabett is offline]

[veroffica is offline]

hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?

jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?

hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group

hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones

jugheadalones: sure.

hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?

spillthefogarTEA: im good

goingtoheller: ^^

nopeaz: okay otw

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: leaving now

[jugheadalones is offline]

6:35 PM

nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN

spillthefogarTEA: who is it??

spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!

jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!

hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again

hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider

hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this

goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?

hbicheryl: hate is a strong word

hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer

goingtoheller: that isn't much better...

hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them

nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours

jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here

hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before

spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there

hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are

nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds

spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK

jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now

jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh

goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.

hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes

hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred

hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too

jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image

nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH

goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH

nopeaz: AHHHHHHH

jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two

hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped

hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out

nopeaz: get it girl(s)

hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated

hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up

jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped

jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now

goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?

spillthefogarTEA: probably not

hisshissmotherfucker: nah

jugheadalones: lets go with no

nopeaz: nope

hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on

goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??

nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying

nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other

nopeaz: now theyre leaving

nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?

goingtoheller: won't they notice??

jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other

jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table

nopeaz: roger that

hbicheryl: youre such a nerd

nopeaz: you love it

hbicheryl: duh

hbicheryl: now follow them!!

nopeaz: already doing it

nopeaz: so they made it to their car

nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining

spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???

nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out

nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf

goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??

hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power

hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets

jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well

spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president

nopeaz: fuck off fangs

nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control

nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away

nopeaz: shows over folks

hbicheryl: lets clear out men

nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher

hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx

jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??

hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps

hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it

hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator

hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex

goingtoheller: gross.

hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi

nopeaz: whatever

nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: im headed out too

[jugheadalones is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: me too

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Monday, 6:43 PM

wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!

veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.

wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/

wannabett: even though i never wanted to know

wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!

hbicheryl: youre welcome :)

veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.

hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!

veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.

hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now

veroffica: sure thing!

hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?

veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!

hisshissmotherfucker: k

6:48 PM

goingtoheller + veroffica

goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.

veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?

goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!

veroffica: no problem.

7:22 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao

jugheadalones: context?

hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels

goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.

nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar

spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse

wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!

hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good

wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her

[wannabett is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans

nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??

hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me

nopeaz: square up bitch

hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill

goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.

hbicheryl: yes and??

goingtoheller: ...nevermind.

hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING

jugheadalones: what happened?

hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right

hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow

hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"

spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even

hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying

hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did

nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?

jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw

goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?

spillthefogarTEA: not a chance

hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"

nopeaz: drag themmmmm

hbicheryl: omg we stan

hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me

hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it

hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed

hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: awww

goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.

jugheadalones: true

hbicheryl: see you then losers

spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl

7:48 PM

nopeaz: cher and i are on our way

goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.

jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment

jugheadalones: let me in

jugheadalones: okay great im in

hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!

wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...

wannabett: sweet pea...

hisshissmotherfucker: fine

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

veroffica: now, let's get this party started!

10:03 PM

spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news

hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro

jugheadalones: sure thing

10:07 PM

hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle

hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn

theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?

hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too

hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?

theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?

hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone

theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?

hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break

theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)

hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea

theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.

hisshissmotherfucker: perfect

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

10:15 PM

gays united

spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere

nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere

hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!

spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??

goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.

goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?

spillthefogarTEA: i guess so

goingtoheller: great!

spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first

goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.

10:19 PM

spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker

spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid

spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him

spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant

spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

10:41 PM

hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller

hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said

hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends

hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want

hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way

hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X17

I liked this episode, thought I understand why a lot of people didn’t. Meredith was drastically under used in this episode. She only had a few scenes and outside of standalone episodes, which this one was not, that rarely happens.

Meredith has an interesting monologue this week. It also serves as a handy reminder of what a terrible mother Ellis was. Bailey says a big fat ‘Nope’ to the lamb in the bag. We all concur. Meredith and DeLuca’s interactions at the beginning of the episode imply that Meredith and DeLuca briefly break up and are now getting back together. Ugh I wish they would stay broken up!

Meredith gives him a coffee as a peace offering implying that she was wrong to agree with Carina and raise the alarm about his Dad’s project. Meredith wasn’t wrong. Just because DeLuca’s Dad might be right about this project doesn’t change what he did. Ugh. I already hate this storyline.

The interns/residents are cutting into fish. Yuck. That was an awful transition. Parker’s back though! I like him. Are they interns or residents? They keep flipping back and forth with the terminology. I love Schmitt’s line, “We’re making fish people!” Haha! It turns out the fish skin is for a burn patient. It's a really cool and inexpensive procedure.

Maggie is invited to a Morning Show to talk about the scandal. I predicted this was going to be a shit show and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t. Jackson is wonderfully supportive! Bailey goes and talks to Alex about DeLuca’s Dad’s project. She raises the questions we’ve all been asking. Helm comes and tells them they need to go the lab. Alex and Bailey show up to find the DeLuca’s arguing in Italian. This can’t be good.

It turns out one of the lambs died and it throws the viability of the project into doubt. Alex tells them to stop arguing and tells Carina and Andrew to figure out what happened and write a report and give it to him so he can make a decision. Carina stresses once more that their father is not well and this project is not a good idea. DeLuca ignores her. Carina’s right. DeLuca’s being a blind fool.

One thing that caught my attention when DeLuca and Carina were arguing in front of Alex is that Alex approved their father’s project even though he knew he was mentally ill, did not have a diagnosis, and is not receiving treatment. Why wasn’t DeLuca’s Dad seeing a psychiatrist and getting a diagnosis a condition of him doing the project here? It seems to me that would have cleared a lot of things up and been a lot more realistic.

We then cut to Teddy and Owen talking in the ambulance bay as they wait for an incoming trauma. As usual Owen is a complete asshole. He’s passive aggressive and disrespectful to Teddy like he is to all of the women in his life. Teddy should not have to put up with his crap. Owen then decides to have a conversation with himself and Teddy says nothing, but he keeps acting like she is. He needs to see a therapist about this. Stat.

The patients in this episode are a married couple that are involved in a car wreck. The man has less serious injuries that can be easily treated. The woman is a different story. Her injuries are more severe and she’s 5 months pregnant. My heart really hurt for this poor couple. Teddy and Owen are assigned to the case. Teddy brings Carina in to help with the pregnant woman.

Carina tells her the baby is fine, but then Teddy asks to speak with her outside. It turns out Teddy has to give the patient bad news and Carina didn’t realize. They might have to do an operation which would result in the removal of her uterus which means the fetus/baby would have to be taken out. It’s too early in the pregnancy for the baby to survive and the fact that Carina told her the baby would be fine makes it so much harder for Teddy to tell her and for the patient to hear the news.

Amelia goes to a conference about alternative pain relief. Also she cut her hair! She looks gorgeous! Link also cut his hair. They’re accidentally at the conference together. Hilarity ensues. They have some great awkward scenes together. Amelia and Link keep running into each other awkwardly and it’s a joy to watch. They go to this weird sound bath and it makes Amelia literally dizzy. She wants to sit down and Link says they should find somewhere to sit, but Amelia decides to sit on the floor in the hallway of their hotel because she’s real like that.

Amelia confides in him about how much she misses Betty and how doesn’t know if she’s okay. Everything feels unfinished as Cristina would say. She thinks she sounds like a mess, but Link says she sounds like a parent. He’s also hilarious and they almost kiss or go back to one of their rooms, but Amelia pulls back and declines. She realizes it’s too soon to get into a new relationship and Link’s into it but not if she isn’t. Amelia does not know what to do with herself. It is very confusing for Link.

It turns out Link’s talk is about opioids in medicine. He talks about a young patient he had and what he prescribed him and what happened. It ended badly and then he says he would prescribe the opioids again. Amelia walks out. This is why Link did not want her to come to his talk. This episode is painful in so many ways.

Jo’s gotten her DNA test results back. She’s nervous and wants Maggie to help her open them because as someone who is adopted she’s gone through a similar thing. They do this in the tech room while Parker is looking at some scans. In real life they would not be doing this with Parker present. Jo’s negative for most of the scary stuff ie. Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons. I love Jo’s line, “It says here I’m mostly British!” Haha! This joke is so meta it works! Jo’s the best!

Jo finds out she has a first cousin whose also done the DNA test. Now she’s curious. Parker offers to help find her. She’s conflicted. Later, Maggie does the Morning Show at the hospital. It’s actually goes pretty well. Jo comes to talk to her and winds up talking to Jackson. She gets no answers on whether or not to look up her birth mother.

Meanwhile Webber comes to talk to Jackson and finds out why they are using the fish skin. Webber asks what they did with the rest of the fish and Jackson says it’s medical waste now which makes literally no sense. Why is Jackson wasting perfectly good fish when he was eating fish on a boat last season? His character makes no sense sometimes.

Bailey and Helen met in the cafeteria. It’s very cute. Helen wants to go home but she’s scared to make the journey. She doesn’t know how to tell Alex. She’s knitting a very long thing. Owen spends most of the episode being a worry wart and Teddy’s got no time for it. Like a badass.

Teddy falls asleep while watching over her patient. The patient goes into distress but she’s so tired with the pregnancy that she sleeps through it. Teddy wakes up and realizes her patient needs to be operated on.

DeLuca and his Dad are in the lab. His Dad says that Carina’s turned on him. DeLuca calls him on his BS. He finds out that Carina has a patient whose baby won’t survive. Next we find out that he went behind Carina and Teddy’s backs to talk to the patient and her husband. That’s a big no no! The procedure has only been barely tested on lambs, not people.

Meredith comes to check out Jackson’s cool new procedure. They chat. Jackson references DeLuca as her boyfriend. To which Meredith responds, “He’s not my boyfriend.” Yeaaah! Music to my ears! I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again I feel like to Meredith, DeLuca is a hot date and someone she’s having fun with. To DeLuca, Meredith is the love of his life. Jackson says that Maggie and Richard think DeLuca is her boyfriend, but Meredith doesn’t see it that way. Very telling. I love Meredith’s line, “Hey! Can he breathe underwater?” Haha!

Bailey and Alex have some truth talk about mental illness, prejudice, and the necessity of treatment. DeLuca finally sees Carina’s point about their Dad. We see DeLuca’s Dad breaking things. This is what Carina was trying to tell everybody. He promised the patient something they can’t deliver and now they have to tell her they can’t. This is heartbreaking to watch. This part had me tearing up. This one hits close to home for me. It makes me grateful that I’m alive and my Mom is alive and that our medical team was able to save us 26 years ago. Not everyone gets lucky.

After Teddy and Alex have to tell the patient and her husband the terrible news Teddy leaves because she needs a minute. Owen follows her and asks if she’s okay. What kind of stupid question is that? Is she okay? Owen in what universe would Teddy be okay right now? Teddy breaks down and collapses in Owen’s arms. He comforts her. At which point Tom comes down the hallway and sees them. He cut his trip short to come see her and that’s what he finds. Great. Now he’s got the wrong idea.

This is just unnecessary drama. Alex pulls DeLuca’s Dad’s funding for obvious reasons. He argues and blames everyone. Carina has had enough. She’s out. It’s a good think Alex is used to this kind of thing. Other people might crack under the pressure or the shock. After him and Carina leave Alex looks at DeLuca. Alex’s face is all ‘Really bitch?’.

Webber’s does a fish fry on the roof with the tilapia! Aw Helen made Bailey a hat! Alex talked to his Mom and Bailey was right. He’s going to fly back with his Mom to Iowa. Back at the conference Amelia is packing up when Link comes to her door and says she missed the best part. We get more of Link’s back story. His young patient Jason died in a car wreck under the influence after Link prescribed him opioids for his pain. After Jason died he quick medicine and went to work in a bike shop. He eventually got mad at a system that wasn’t working and got back into medicine.

Amelia gets it now. He says that maybe they can fight to change the system together. Him for Jason. Her for Betty. He was going to say they could be Batman and Robin, but then he realizes they’re both Batman. So he says Batman and Batman. I dig it. She tells him she’s in a weird place. He says, “I can roll with weird.” I love him!

He asks her to dinner. She says yes then decides screw it and kisses him instead. Link is very sweet. He takes a step back and says he feels like he’s taking advantage of her because she’s in a weird place and he finds her insanely pretty. Amelia decides to go for it anyway because she wants to and Link’s into it. As she says, “The feeling is mutual.”

Amelia makes it clear this is a one night stand. He’s cool with that. But we all know that the people who have one night stands on this show wind up married so ... Get it Amelia! Yeah! Cut to the hospital. Jackson made a merman today so him and Maggie are getting it on! Helen says goodbye to Jo and her and Alex head out for their flight. This hug between Jo and Helen is everything!

Meredith comes to see DeLuca. She knows the project isn’t going well, but doesn’t know its been scrapped. They were supposed to go have sex at his place so that’s why she’s there. DeLuca is extremely immature and stupid as usual. He tells her to go ahead and say ‘I told you so’. Because apparently he thinks Meredith is the kind of person to say I told you so in a situation like this. She calls him on the fact that she’s not and it bothers her that he thinks she would.

Just another example of how he doesn’t know her at all and how wrong for each other they are. He’s so immature! Also Derek did this a lot and Cristina frequently called him out on it. Meredith does NOT need more of that BS in her life. We also find out that DeLuca’s Dad is going back to Italy. That was fast! There’s a nice shot of all of the former and current Chiefs of Surgery. Jo’s made a decision. She asks Parker to find her birth mother. It turns out Parker already did. Her name is Vicki Rudin. She lives in Pittsburg. Jo was not expecting that!

Well that was interesting! It was a darker episode for sure. Now onto next week’s promo! Next week is all about tension! DeLuca and Meredith are awkward and avoiding each other. Yes!!!!! Please break up! Bailey, Maggie, Quadri, and Schmitt are some kind of badass dream team! Amelia says she and Link should avoid each other for a while. He says okay in a very sexy way. My guess is they hook up before the end of the episode! Owen is being a jerk and wants to get back together with Teddy now that Amelia’s out of the picture. Sigh. He never learns. I hope Teddy doesn’t take him back. She deserves better.

Tom lays down the law!!! He tells Owen if he’s going to make a play for Teddy he should rethink that because he’s going to fight for her! Yes! Go Tom! He previously told Amelia that letting his wife walked out his life into the arms of another man after they lost their son was one of his biggest regrets in life. He’s not going to make the same mistake twice.

That’s all folks! Until next time.

Au revoir!

[tommoholland2013]

what do you want from me? — p.p.

Word Count: 3.6k Warning(s): Angst, Fluff at the end, and I can't think of anything else Pairing: Peter Parker x reader Request: Can you PLEASE do an imagine where peter denies the reader when she admits her feelings, and begins to like someone way hot, not as hot as peter, but somewhat, and peter realizes his true feelings and tries to make her jealous and just makes her angry because she thinks peter just doesn't want her to be happy !! i will love you ON AND ON A/N: So like... this request was made two months ago, but I've had the worst writer's block since January. Anyway, point is, I'm working through it. I decided to write this in first person to be more inclusive of others. I hope you all enjoy this, I really enjoyed writing this. Feedback is always appreciated so feel free to give some! Song Inspiration: Ocean by Martin Garrix feat. Khalid 

I turned my head to glance at the digital clock perched upon my nightstand.

4:13am.

The digits clearly portrayed ungodly hour I found myself awake at. I'd been up all night—literally. Tossing, turning; worrying, thinking. This had become the norm for me as I contemplated the difficult situation I found myself in; the complex decision that presented itself in the form of a red button, waiting to be pushed. My hand was shaking with unease over the figurative button, hesitant of motion.

Suddenly, the room was too warm. The bed was too hot, and my blankets were suffocating me. I threw the awful coverings away from my body and decided it was useless. There was no sleep to be had with my heart dropping the way it did every time I thought about his sweet smile and the difficult decision that stood—towered—with a threatening stance before me.

It had been almost four years of knowing him, and three of those spent being his best friend, until something pivoted the previous year. I wasn't sure what, or why, but I suddenly found herself seeing my best friend differently. My heart began to race every time I thought about him, my hands shook and my knees would grew weak every time I made eye contact with him and he smiled. And any time he pulled away from a greeting hug, I felt like I'd been acquainted with the gates of heaven; all things I had never felt for Peter until the previous year.

The cause of my unrest was honesty. I wasn't sure whether to tell him or not. I wasn't sure whether it was worth risking our golden friendship for a "silly hormonal crush", as I had put it to myself.

But I knew there was absolutely no way I could continue to hold off my shallow breathing, constricting heart, and shaking hands any longer; I had to tell him.

But every time I thought I had reached my conclusion—to tell him—my ever so considerate conscience would pipe in, reminding me that there was a high chance he didn't feel the same, which in turn could lead to the end of such a beautiful friendship. And thus, I found myself awake at four in the morning, going around the same track of thought again and again.

It really was so stereotypical. The typical teenage limbo of "He loves me? He loves me not?," only in this unique case (or not necessarily unique case) it was "tell him, don't tell him."

I was tired of the arguing in my mind. I was exasperated with the constant back and forth. In the day the voices whispered, but in the night, they screamed at one another.

But, finally, at the ungodly hour of 5:23am, in an exhausted voice, I voiced my final decision.

"I'll tell him."

The worst that could happen was that he would reject me, right? 

"Hey, Y/N. You look... tired? You okay?" Peter asked as he walked into their first period class and sat himself in his usual seat beside me.

"Well, considering I only got fifteen minutes of sleep last night, I think it's excusable that I look more like a trash bag today than I usually do," I remarked with a sarcastic smile.

"Fifteen minutes? Of sleep? Why? And you never look like a trash bag," Peter said with a slight frown.

"Oh... uh... it was nothing."

I dismissed his last comment, knowing it would only make my feelings for him worse. I was more nervous now than before. I fumbled with the sleeve of my sweatshirt as I opened her mouth and closed it on several occasions, trying to fit the words I wanted to say properly.

"It actually has to do with something I want to talk to you about, l-later today." Great. I was stumbling over my words now, and all I had done was ask Peter to meet me later in the day.

"Uh, yeah, sure. I'll meet you after school. Are you sure you're okay, Y/N? You look a little... scared."

"Yeah, yeah I'm"—on the verge of vomiting right here right now—"all right." 

The rest of the day went by too fast. At lunch, I didn't contribute to the table conversation whatsoever, and I barely touched her food. In fact, I didn't even bother too look up from my book. I wasn't even registering the words my eyes were running over, but I knew I just couldn't look up, or I really would keep to the promise of vomiting. My nerves were sky rocketing, and my anxiety, as always, was not helping whatsoever. That day, It felt like every class lasted about ten minutes.

Then, the final bell rung.

School was out. Peter was expecting me.

Suddenly, my heart rate had tripled and my hands were shaking non-stop. I shuffled to my locker and collected my things and walked out as slowly as I could. I told myself there was no backing out. I couldn't back down now. I had to tell him. The longer I postponed this, the worse I would become at hiding it and the easier it would be for him to eventually find out on his own. I wanted him to hear it from me first.

The main doors flew open and I walked down the stairs slowly.

Everything was too loud, the sun was too bright, my books were too heavy. Everything was too much of something.

Peter looked up from his very shattered phone screen just in time to see me approaching him. He offered me a smile, but I just could not bring myself to return it.

"Hey? Are you—"

"It's important. What I'm about to tell you. I've been worried sick about it for days, I haven't slept in weeks, maybe even months, all because I've been thinking about this one thing. So I need you to one: stop asking me if I'm okay, because I don't think I am, I may just vomit right now, to be one-hundred percent honest with you, and two: take me seriously. Nothing of what I'm about to tell you is a joke, or a wile of any sort."

I spoke fast, maybe too fast. Or maybe I spoke too slowly? I couldn't tell.

"Uh, sure. You're worrying me now..." Peter asked with a concerned look on his face.

"Peter..."

This was it. This was either going to be the end of something beautiful, or the blossoming of something beyond the word beautiful.

"I... I really... like you. More than a friend," I let the words slip from my lips. Peter was silent, the words hitting him with a wave of shock. The silence didn't seem to end and next thing I knew, I was rambling.

"I don't know why it started, or really when, to be honest. I just know that I can no longer be in your presence without feeling like I'm shaking hard enough that it looks like I'm shivering, or worrying that my knees will literally buckle underneath me every time you smile, or feeling like my heart is racing so fast it just may explode. It took me so long to get the courage to tell you and that's kinda what's been keeping me up for nights on end. I'm also well aware that maybe you don't feel the same way, and really, I don't know what I'd do at that point, probably melt out of embarrassment for even thinking it was a good idea to tell you and now I'm rambling."

I sucked in a breath and chuckled lightly. By now, the steady flow of students had trickled down to a few leaving the building and only a few left hanging around the entrance, awaiting their rides home.

I could tell Peter didn't quite know what to do, or what to say, really.

"Peter, say something... anything..." I eventually pleaded with a quit voice.

"I just... I don't know what to say because... I don't—I'm sorry but I just don't feel the same about you, is all."

The world came crashing down around me.

"I mean, I really care about you, a lot. But I just... I just don't see you as more than a friend."

It was my turn to be at a loss for words.

So fate had chosen the end of something beautiful then.

"Y-yeah, uh... I-I understand. I-I'm sorry for..." I couldn't bring myself to finish my sentence. My desire to escape the situation was much larger than my desire to complete my statement.

Peter scratched the back of his neck, the action betraying his own discomfort. "Anyway... I uh, I gotta go..." Peter said after he cleared his throat. My eyes were far too focused on the ground beneath my feet to hear Peter's terribly awkward goodbye. Assuming I'd heard, Peter turned around and began to speed walk in the direction of his favorite deli-grocery shop.

That was a month ago. Just as I'd predicted, the conversation would either be the beginning of something even more beautiful than their friendship or the end of a golden friendship—it turned out to be the end of something golden.

I spent the following nights of that day crying and regretting everything I'd done and said, cursing my heart for choosing him of all people. I did, however, get over it... eventually. I distanced herself from Peter, which meant I also distanced myself from Michelle and Ned.

Now, I sit with Liz Allen and her friends at lunch. I haven't spoken to Peter since that day. I can't even manage to be in the same room as him.

I collect my lunch tray from the line and walk to my usual sitting place with Liz and her friends. I take a seat at the table, the last one to arrive.

"Hey, Y/N. We're just talking about Homecoming. Are you still planning on going with Austin?" Liz asks as she nudges my shoulder. I chew on a fry, my cheeks flushing a sweet rose color. Austin and I aren’t really official. We’ve had a few dates here and there, and we text everyday, but that was about it. Austin is sweet, kind, really caring, and very good-looking. Needless to say, I had a thing for him.

"Yes. Yes, I am. He asked me today, before school," I answer with a shy smile after I've swallowed the single fry.

"That's great! I'm so happy for you, Austin is a great guy. Quite good looking too," Liz winks, causing rest of the table to laugh as I continue to blush. "Liz, who are you going with?" One of the girls at the table asks, the attention finally being removed from me. I grab another fry from my tray.

"Peter Parker. He asked me yesterday in the hallway," Liz says with a sweet chuckle. Everyone at the table congratulates Liz with big smiles and teasing shoulder nudges.

Meanwhile, I choke on my fry. I cough wildly, my hand beating on my chest repeatedly until I finally manage to swallow the piece of food. I gasp for air.

"Oh my goodness! Y/N! Are you okay? Should we get help?" Liz asks, her hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles. I reach for my water bottle and desperately chug the liquid.

"I'm fine. Yeah, yeah I'm good. Just, went down the wrong pipe is all," I state with a stale chuckle, my throat still dry as the Sahara desert.

"Hey, weren't you and Peter the best of friends not too long ago?" Liz asks after I have calmed myself down. I no longer have an appetite, so I push the tray of fries away from me.

"What? Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah we uh, we kinda drifted though. Not really on speaking terms," I laugh nervously, the attention unwanted. "But you guys have fun, you'll be really cute together," I congratulate.

Then the day continues.

The final bell rings and I slowly gather my things from my desk and walk to my locker. I can't seem to move on from what Liz had said. I can't help but feel betrayed by Peter. I know he isn't my boyfriend or anything like that, but of all the people he could ask to homecoming, he asks Liz? It feels intentional, but I know Peter isn't the kind of person to do something so petty. Before I know it, I'm standing before my locker. With a sigh, I open the door and begin gathering my belongings and books and such. Then I sense a presence behind the locker door. I decide to investigate, so I shut the locker door and right there, right in front of me, is Peter Parker.

"Can we talk?" Are the first words he speaks.

"Uh, sure... I guess," I answer. "What about?" I ask as I fold my arms over my chest.

"Austin," Peter responded. I give him a funny look. Now I'm interested.

"Look, Y/N. I know we aren't exactly on speaking terms, and I know that's my fault, but you have to hear me out. You don't deserve to be with someone like him. You deserve someone better—"

"Oh, so after avoiding me for almost two months, you're here to tell me who I deserve and who I don't deserve?"

"I don't mean to overstep, but be honest with yourself. What good qualities does Austin have that you find attractive?" I'm in shock. Utter disbelief. He doesn't mean to overstep?

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask, my voice laced with offense.

"It means that you're too good for him, and I wish you'd see that," Peter argues.

"What is this? After you reject me, you come for the guy that didn't reject me? And then you have the nerve to say that you don't mean to overstep? What, is it that you just don't want me to be happy?" I ask, my tone razor sharp.

"No I just— I care about you and I really think you deserve better," Peter says softly as he stares at me. I don’t fail to note that Peter doesn’t even touch on the fact that he had painfully rejected me that day. Now, I’m livid.

"Do I? So you don't think a great guy like Austin is good enough for me? Why? What gives you the right to decide who's right for me and who isn't?" I’m being vicious, I know. My questions are hostile and my tone is venomous.

"Peter, I didn't come up to you and tell you whether or not you deserve Liz. So why do you feel the need to do this to me?"

"I was just trying—"

"You were just trying to what, Peter? First you humiliate me, and then you try to tell me what I do and don't deserve? There's a reason we aren't talking. I think it should stay that way," I say with a cold tone to my voice. My heart hardens as I see the hurt look that flashes across Peter's face before anger takes over his features. Peter then simply nods his head, turns on his heel, and marches down the hallway. I don't even bother to look at him as he leaves, furious that Peter would think he could actually cross such a line, especially with the current status of our friendship.

  ✽ Two weeks later ✽

It's finally Homecoming. I step out of Austin's Mustang GT as he opens the door for me, his handsome, dazzling smile making an appearance.

"After you," Austin says sweetly. I blush.

"Thank you," I shyly say as I place my hand in his.

"Have I already told you that you look stunning yet tonight?" Austin asks as his hand rests on the small of my back as he guides me towards the entrance.

"Well, I think you mentioned it a couple times at dinner," I answer with a wide grin as we walked to the gym entrance. As I walk up the stairs, I see some of Liz's friends at the top.

"Is Liz here yet?" I ask after I've sent Austin inside before me.

The girls shake their heads. "But here she comes!" one points out.

The small, old car pulls up at the entrance. First comes Liz, then Peter. Peter and I lock gazes briefly before I brake it, focusing my attention on Liz.

"You look so pretty!" I say with a wide smile as she hugs me.

"Thanks! You too, you look stunning!"

✽

The dance is in full swing, the music pulsating through the crowded gym.

"I'm gonna go grab some water. I'll be back," I yell over the music into Austin's ear.

He nods his head and answers with a "Don't be too long, beautiful," accompanied by a cheeky wink.

After I down the cup of water, I realize I need fresh air. So I head to the back of the building, doing my best to avoid the heavy rain under the minimal shade.

"I thought I'd find you here," Peter says over the sound of the rain slapping the ground. I turn around  to find Peter standing not too far from me. My lips purse.

"Peter—"

"Can I just explain myself? We haven't talked in two months and it's killing me and I really feel like you deserve an explanation," Peter says as he stands before me, clearly not having a care about getting wet in the rain. Before I can even answer, he’s talking.

"I like you. In a 'more than a friend' kind of way," Peter begins, the rain water beginning to soak into his clothes and his hair; droplets of water sliding down his face, down his beautiful features. He watches for my reaction.

My lip quivers and I shake my head. Hot tears threatened to spill from my eyes the longer I look at him. The lump in my throat prevents me from properly swallowing. He’s just said the words I was been hoping to hear from him two months ago, and yet, my heart breaks instead.

And then I just choke. The tears fell in a similar manner to the heavy rain.

I don’t know if he can tell I’m crying or not, but Peter continues.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Y/N. I can't believe it took me two months to realize it. I'm sorry it took seeing you with someone other than me to realize that I do like you. I'm sorry I hurt you. God, I'm so sorry," Peter apologizes, his voice shaking. I don't know what to say. I stand there, looking at him. I'm angry, I'm heartbroken, and I have no idea how to handle this situation. So, I do my best to put how I'm feeling into words.

"Peter, I can't keep doing this with you. This terrible back and forth. I tore myself to pieces contemplating whether I should tell you how I felt. And I finally decided I'd tell you, and you brushed me to the side, if anything. So forgive me if I don't just rush into your arms and say that all is forgiven," I gush, my salty tears mixing with the falling rain.

"Y/N, please," Peter begs.

"Please, what, Peter? What do you want from me?" I sob.

  "I want a second chance. I screwed up, and I realize that now. Please. Just give me a second chance. I'm so so sorry I hurt you. And I know I didn't make it any better by bringing Liz as my date. I just wanted to... I wanted to make you jealous." Peter's crying now too.

The rain is pouring relentlessly, our clothes all the way soaked through, the fabric sticking to our skin.

"And instead you hurt me," I bite.

"Please, Y/N," he begs again, his voice desperate. Peter closes the space between us. I place my hands on his chest, trying to create more space between us. My effort was futile, so instead, I wrap my arms around my shaking frame.

"I'm sorry," Peter whispers, his eyes wandering across my face, trying to find an emotion—any emotion—in my eyes. We stood there, the two of us staring at one another, the rain's rhythmic tune filling our silence. Right now, there's absolutely nothing more that I want than for my heart to stop aching. I want him to reach out for me, to pull me in; to make the pain go away.

Instead, I find myself doing what I want him to do to me.

I reach out for him, my hands cradling the nape of his neck as I pull him towards me. Peter's hands move to rest on my waist. Our foreheads press together, lips barely brushing against one another.

"I really want to—" Peter begins.

"Kiss me," I interrupt, my Y/E/C meeting Peter's chocolate eyes. Without hesitation, Peter gladly dips his head to finally connect his lips with my own.

There is still so much we need to talk about, so much I still have to tell him, so much I still have to explain; so much to be said. But right now, this kiss is all I need.

A/N: Hi. I’m working on requests right now, just trying to work through this terrible writer’s block. Anyway, can we get this to at least 200 notes? I worked really hard on it and some support would really be great. Also, feel free to give me some feedback!

Taglist: @gerardway-has-socks-yeah

[dibs4ever]

They’ll be Best Friends (Part 2)

The “Terrific Trio” are 14 and freshman in high school when one of them starts dating. It’s no surprise that it’s Nathan.

She’s a tiny brunette cheerleader named Therissa. A few weeks later Mark starts dating Theresa's best friend.

The West family is at Grayson Manor, they decided to send the boys off to homecoming together since they’re dating friends. This also allowed Barbara and Artemis to take as many photos as they’d like of their ‘little men’

Melanie is sitting on the couch dressed in Victoria’s Secret sweatpants and a Star labs T-shirt. Obviously, she isn’t going to the dance but came to share this moment with her brother and her best friend.

She turns when she hears Nathan coming down the stairs, always the performer he makes a leap at the end landing in the living room

“So how do I look?” He grins standing tall

Melanie smiled and pushed herself up. “Like a train wreck,” she teases taking note of his messy hair. Otherwise, he was dressed neatly and properly for the dance

Nathan chuckled “I suck at doing this mop of hair” he flipped his raven locks

“Awe does your mommy still do it for you?” Melanie teased puckering out her bottom lip

Nathan cocked his head to the side “As a matter of fact she does. Where is everyone?” He looked around

“Our dads are in the Nightcave, not sure if they are working out or going over notes. My mom is helping Mark finish getting ready, your mom is finishing dinner in the kitchen and I think your sister is in there with her” she explained

Nathan nodded fiddling with his tie. He had grown quite a bit over the last year but she still had a half inch on him.

“Would you mind doing my hair for me?” He asked holding up a comb and tube of hair gel

Melanie smiled rolling her eyes “Come here wonder boy” she took the brush and gel from him.

Melanie finished fixing his hair just as there is a knock on the door. Nathan jumped up. “I look good right?” He asked straightening out his suit jacket

Melanie laughed “Yes very handsome”

He flashed her a grin before making his way to the door.

The rest of their families come out hearing that the dates had arrived.

After they leave its apparent that Therissa is only dating Nathan because he is the grandson of Bruce Wayne her friend is only dating her brother because it’s Nathan’s best friend

As soon as the door closes Dick turns to the group “Well they seem-“

“Fake” Leah Dick and Barbara’s 12-year-old daughter finishes

Melanie smiles and fist bumps the younger girl “I had to restrain myself from slapping both those girls across the face” she said flopping down on the couch

Barbara nods “You should have”

“Babs” Dick gasps

Barbara shrugs “She’s using my baby boy, besides Melanie has super speed those girls literally wouldn’t have known what his them”

Wally shakes his head “They’re big boys now they can take care of themselves”

Artemis crosses her arms “Oh and if the tables were turned and it was Melanie would she be able to take care of herself?” She narrowed her eyes

Wally looked at his daughter who was anticipating her response quickly he shook his head “That’s completely different”

As predicted Nathan and Mark soon figure out the girl's motives a few weeks later. And end things.

Nathan is out on patrol with Nightwing one night monitoring the east side of Gotham. They’re watching the city while Bruce is away on his honeymoon with Selina.

“Robin anything?” Nightwing's voice comes over the comlink

Nathan scans the city once more “Pretty quiet at the moment, just stopped a purse snatcher. Old lady thanked me with a price of butterscotch” he smacked his lips together. “What about you?” He asked

“About to head to the south side, why don’t you meet-“

“Wait” Nathan cuts his father off

Nightwing was silent for a few minutes but either his parental concern or his curiosity gets the best of him “What is it? Some action, do you need my help?” He asks over the radio

“Melanie is on a date?” Robins' voice comes back in a surprised tone

Dick rolls his eyes from the other end “Leave the girl alone and meet me on top of the old warehouse on 60th in 10. Remember you’re Robin right now so you can’t interfere with Melanie West’s——whatever she’s doing” he reminds his son

The next day at school Nathan is sitting at a picnic table under the big oak tree of the courtyard. His lunch forgotten as he is deep in conversation

“What are you decoding, “ a voice says breaking him out of his concentration

Nathan turns to see Mark approaching him with his lunch tray

Nathan shrugs “What? nothing “he stammers trying to play it off. He picks up his sandwich and took a bite

Mark chuckles sitting down across from him “I know that look” he waves his fork then taking a bite of spaghetti

“That’s the bat look” he mumbles with his mouth full of food

“Shh not so loud” Nathan glances around the field making sure nobody had looked

Mark chuckled “Please nobody is paying attention to us. At this school, we’re just two nerdy guys. Anyways you had your detective look on. Fill me in” he smirked

Nathan looked ahead to where Melanie sat talking to some female friends

“I was on patrol with my Dad last night and I saw Melanie, with a guy” he empathized

Mark nodded “Yeah I know,” he said sounding aggravated

Nathan shot his head toward him “you knew? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Mark shrugged “It was just one date she didn’t want you to know. Believe me, I wasn’t happy about it and neither was my dad”

Nathan looked back toward were Melanie stood “Why wouldn’t she want me to know?” He thought out loud

Nathan hates Melanie’s boyfriend Chad. He’s loud and annoying and perfect. Mark hates Chad, Wally really hates Chad, Dick wishes he could dig up something bad about him but they can’t. Barbara, Leah, Artemis, and Melanie think Chad is amazing.

Which is why everyone is shocked when Chad breaks up with Melanie 4 months into their relationship

Nathan and Mark are sitting beside her on her bed unsure of whether or not they should say something, or what to say for that matter.

“Why Umm why’d he break up with you?” Mark finally speaks

Melanie’s face is buried in her hands “Because he says I spend too much time with you” she mumbled

“Me?” Mark said surprised

Melanie picked her face up and shook her head “No you” she pointed to Nathan then flopped back on her bed “He said it was weird that I was so close to another guy”’

Nathan furrowed his eyebrows “Why? We’ve literally known each other since the day we were born. We’re just friends “

Melanie nodded “I told him that, and he was okay with it until he found out we kissed.”

Mark jumped “Wait for you two kissed, why am I just now hearing about this?”

Nathan shook his head “Cause it was nothing. We were 12 and I wouldn’t even count it as kissing or even a peck our lips barely touched for a microsecond. We were at a gala, ended up under the mistletoe and my Uncle Jay being the troublemaker he pressured us into it.”

Mark laughed lightly “You had me scared there for a second I thought there was something going on between you two” he nudged Nathan

Nathan lied down beside Melanie, Mark lied on the other side of his twin “Want me to talk to him Mels? I’ll explain you and I seriously are just friends.”

Melanie shook her head “No, I don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t trust me”

Mark smiled “That’s my twin” he gave her shoulder a playful nudge

The three laid there for a few moments “I miss having sleepovers” Melanie sighed

Nathan nodded “Why did we stop?” He said shifting so his arm was behind his head

“Cause Melanie got boobs and our parents decided we were too old” Mark chuckled

Nathan pushed himself up on his elbows and narrowed his eyes at his friend “Way to make it awkward Mark”

Mark laughed “Hey you asked”

Melanie fidgeted for a few more seconds “When did we grow up? Seems like yesterday we were out on the playground seeing what weird ways Nathan could flip and bend his body”

They all 3 laughed “Yeah now we’re 15 and our sophomore year is about to end” Mark added

“Not to mention this will be our first summer apart” Nathan mentioned

They all three looked up at the ceiled letting out a sigh

Artemis is the first to notice something might be different.

They are at Wayne Manor for a pool party. It’s both Nathan’s 16th Birthday and a “Welcome Home/end of summer” get together since the two Grayson children had been gone all summer traveling with the circus. They had been participating in a special “Flying Grayson Memorial” show where they honored their paternal grandparents by connecting with their circus roots.

Artemis watched as Nathan held Tim and Stephanie’s toddler daughter on his hip. All the young girls were ogling over the Grayson who was clad in only swim trunks and holding a cute baby. But he didn’t seem to notice

“This is Melanie” Nathan said to the little girl

Melanie smiled and gave the baby’s a wave

Nathan flashed her a smirk “Isn’t she pretty? Say pretty!” He cooed

“Pretty” The toddler repeated

Melanie gave a nervous laugh

“Ya know baby cousin I think Melanie wasn’t to go swimming” he smirked

Melanie shook her head “No Nate I just dried off”

Nathan nodded “Yup she really wants to go swimming” he laughed setting his little cousin down he quickly picked Melanie up and jumped into the pool with her. Causing her to let out a sequel and him to laugh.

“You jerk” she teased splashing him when they came back up

Nathan continued to laugh “Yeah but you love Me”

She shook her head “Only because I have to”

“Admit it Mel’s you’re whelmed to be back in the pool” he winked before she playfully splashed him again

Artemis and Bullseye get home from patrol before her husband and daughter do that night. She was half asleep when she feels the bed dip indicating that Wally had gotten home. As soon as he laid back she scooted upward nuzzling into his bare chest.

“Hey” he whispers wrapping an arm around his wife “How was patrol?”

Artemis nodded “All is Well is Star city, what about you?”

Wally nodded “Central City will see another sunrise”

They lie there in silence for a few minutes Sally rubbing small circles on her arm

“Do you think Melanie and Nathan like each other?” Artemis asks suddenly

“Of course, they like each other they’re best friends” Wally smiles

Artemis pushes herself up to look at him “No I mean do you think they’re attracted to each other?” She lowers her eyes

Wally looks at her silent for a second before chuckling “Arty don’t be ridiculous, they’re like cousins. No, they don’t like each other like that” he shook his head

Artemis sighed resting her head back on his chest “They seemed kinda flirty at the party today” she pointed

Wally shook his head “They haven’t seen each other all summer, they’re just being silly. Besides that’s just how Nathan is, he’s a dork just like Dick” he laughed again “Besides our daughter won’t fall for Grayson charm”

[centaurianthropology]

The Magnus Archives ‘Absent without Leave’ (S03E15) Analysis

A harrowing and sad tale of being unable to leave the war really does seem to reflect the feel of the archives at this point.  Martin … Martin isn’t doing well, and I really want to reach through my computer and slap every single character working at the Institute who isn’t him.  Come on in to hear what I think about ‘Absent without Leave’.  Quick warning, this one may have devolved into a bit of a rant.  A fairly sweary rant.  See, I’ve got some fairly strong feelings about this episode, particularly how certain characters are acting, and they involve rather a lot of expletives.

I think this episode may tie ‘A Sturdy Lock’ for one of the saddest yet.  And it’s not just sad because of the statement, although that has a dreadful sort of nihilistic doom that makes me think we’re seeing a crueler aspect of the End in this tale.  The way the war haunts the narrator definitely struck a chord in Martin, enough so that he broke down crying afterwards.  He doesn’t seem to quite realize yet that he might not be able to stop recording the statements, as much as he hates it.  He’s scared and he’s alone, and still has literally no idea what’s happening around him or to him.  And it seems as though no help is forthcoming from any quarter.

Now, don’t get me wrong. This makes certain narrative sense (although at this point we’ve been playing in all-characters-are-emotionally-isolated-from-one-another territory for so long it’s beginning to feel a bit old). This is a solid way to build tension and audience sympathy, but I am rapidly running out of patience with literally everyone employed at the Institute whose name isn’t Martin K Blackwood. Martin apparently being the only one of them with more emotional maturity than a grapefruit, or at least the only one who understands that people other than himself exist and have needs and they’d probably all be safer and happier if they looked after one another.

My immediate knee-jerk reaction is GODDAMMIT JONATHAN SIMS, YOU CAN BE CONSIDERATE OF GEORGIE BUT COMPLETELY IGNORE CHECKING IN ON THE WELLBEING OF YOUR OWN ASSISTANTS WHO ARE GOING TO BE FORCED TO DIE FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL FUCKING ASS?!  And that jerk of my knee is blossoming into something fairly chronic, believe you me.  But before we get to a long-winded rant about the Archivist pulling what seems to be the biggest dick move in the show’s history, I figured I’d address the others who are also stuck in the Institute.

It seems like everyone currently trapped in the Archives, with the exception of Martin, is completely incapable of seeing past their own personal situation.  They have people on every side of them who are in the same boat, who could offer support and help, but they’re blinded to it.  Tim, who continues to have the worst-timed and most unhelpful breakdown ever, is probably the most glaring example of this.  He’s not the only one trapped, and certainly not the only one screwed over by this situation, but he’s convinced he is.  He’s convinced that, because Martin isn’t outwardly breaking down, because Melanie and Basira seem to have accepted the situation with healthy amount of pragmatism, he’s the only one of them who’s actually suffering. He’s always had a bit of callousness about him, previously papered over by good humor, but without that humor, his lack of empathy for the others has become fairly stark.  Sasha seems to be the only one he’ll admit to caring about at all, and she’s dead.  Maybe that makes her safe to care about.  Maybe he’s afraid of betrayal.  Maybe he’s just trying to keep his distance, in case he gets the chance to break free of the Beholding and it happens to mean killing his fellow assistants to do it. Honestly, if Stranger offered him a chance serve it, I get the feeling he would say ‘yes’ as long as the restrictions were gentler.  And that makes me more afraid of Tim than Elias at this point.  Elias is predictable, and relatively sedate now that everything’s going his way.  Tim is backed into a corner, and I don’t know how he’ll lash out to get free.

Of course, Tim’s opinion on his situation, and the importance of what they’re doing might be different if he knew something about the Stranger, or if he understood anything about the Unknowing, but he doesn’t.  His anger might be softened if he felt even a little bit valued, or that his inevitable death would have any sort of meaning to Jon.  Given Jon’s actions rather than his words, I completely understand why Tim believes that Jon wouldn’t care.  He’s given absolutely no indication that the sacrifices that might be demanded from his assistants even register, let alone would matter to him.

But we’ll get back to Jonathan Sims and his colossal fuck-ups later.

Melanie is apparently only in the Archives to work.  I get that, because she’s only known this lot for, what?  A week or two?  It feels longer to us because time gets stretched out in these weekly increments, but it’s clearly not been enough time for her to form bonds.  And honestly, all we’ve ever heard of her interactions with the others is being annoyed by Martin and Tim being worried about her. Melanie, as we know, can be abrasive. We genuinely can’t tell from her few appearances what her capacity to care for others might be.  Would she be willing to place herself at risk, even just emotionally, to help out her new colleagues?  Or is she just basically going to fetch research materials and avoid anything else?  

Again, her actions might be different if she knew about the Unknowing, or the Stranger, or what happened with the Hive, or anything really.  She might be able to understand how important working as a team could be for her own survival.  She might understand why Martin and Tim seemed so horrified when she was hired. But again, she doesn’t know anything beyond what books Jon wants from the library.  

But we’re not talking about Jonathan fucking Sims and why him banging on about protecting his assistants and mourning Sasha seem to stand in stark contrast to his actions toward said assistants, and his lack of actions preventing something like what happened to Sasha from happening to one of them.  Not yet.

Basira seems much the same as Melanie (so much so that I’ll be interested to see how those two characters get differentiated in their personalities and roles going forward). Given that she seems to have no actual job description aside from ‘hostage’, she just sits and reads.  And again, I get that.  She’s not only stuck there, but she doesn’t know any of these people. Although it does unsettle me that, when faced with a tear-streaked and jumpy Martin, she either doesn’t notice or deliberately ignores his distress.  Maybe she’s in shock.  Maybe she’s trying to be polite.  Maybe she’s trying to keep her emotional detachment up because she figures they’ll all die soon anyway.  No matter what, her actions really aren’t selling me on the idea that she’s going to be any more help at pulling this team together than the rest.  

Of course, she might put forth a little more effort if she knew how nigh the end actually was, or how damaged they all were.  She might engage a little more if she understood the stakes.  But that would require input from the only guy with any information about what’s happening, but apparently he can’t be bothered to do more than poke his head in and demand resources.

Right, screw it.  Enough with the others, because as frustrated as I am with the little ways the rest of them could pull together and aren’t, even Tim’s behavior pales in comparison with JONATHAN FUCKING SIMS.  After everything that’s happened to them, after Elias took all of them hostage to his own life.  After the worms and the terror and the manhunt and Daisy waving a gun around. After Melanie was hired.  After Basira was forced to sign the contract. After literally everything, he didn’t even bother to properly check in.  He stuck his head into the archives, asked for some resources for tracking down Breekon and Hope, and fucked right off.  

Any hope I had in his ability to proactively care about other people died a little this week.  He clearly cares about Georgie, sure, but as for the people who are working with him?  Who are in horrific danger and don’t even know about it?  Who he knows have a high risk of death due to the job?  Not even a word.  Hell, he didn’t even stick around long enough to find out that Martin is recording statements, and is riding the edge of a nervous breakdown or worse while doing it.  

Georgie now knows more about the dangers that face the Archival staff than the fucking archival staff do.  Let that sink in.  Georgie knows about the Unknowing!  She knows about the Beholding, the thing that holds them all in thrall.  She’s heard the entire saga from Jon’s point of view.  But those directly affected by the Beholding, who are directly threatened by the Unknowing, who might even be killing themselves slowly with statements?  Not a clue.  And while I understand confiding in an old friend, not even bothering to assess the danger posed to those who are your direct responsibility smacks of idiotic negligence at best, and unconscious malice at worst.

If it hasn’t become abundantly clear, I’m pissed.  Again, not at the writing, because it remains painfully in character that Jonathan Sims continues to be a human disaster who will get everyone around him killed through his own inactions or missteps.  Likewise, Tim tendency toward no-one-has-suffered-as-I-suffer angry breakdown still seems to fit what we know about him.  But like I said earlier, we’ve been stuck in this emotional isolation for a long time, and it’s wearing on me, particularly seeing last week that Jon is capable of caring.  Contrasting that with what feels like a slide back into season 2 self-obsessed Jon feels like the worst possible character backslide.

And Martin is the one paying the price, it seems.  Jon’s failure, more than Melanie or Basira or Tim, leaves Martin trapped and alone and terrified, recording statements because he’s compelled to do so, without realizing what that compulsion is or where it comes from.  And yes, the fact that Martin’s not asking for help is contributing to the problem.  Martin has been conditioned to put others’ needs before his own, and it’s very possibly killing him, while said others remain oblivious.  But honestly, there’s been very little indication since mid-season 1 that reaching out for help will result in any help forthcoming for Martin. Tim throws it back in his face, and Jon just ignores it.  

But honestly, the onus for reaching out, for making sure the others are as safe and as happy as they can possibly be given the situation, is on Jon.  Jon left them without a word.  Jon stalked and spied on Tim.  Jon takes advantage of Martin’s desire to please without even thinking about it, and places him in danger because of that.  Jon has a ton of information about the threats they face, and hasn’t even thought about his assistants enough to warn them.  There’s literally no circumstance in which not talking to them somehow ends favorably, and yet he didn’t even try.  

These people are tied to him without any ability to stop.  Given that, he has a duty of care toward them that he is either somehow forgetting or deliberately ignoring.  I was really hoping we were on an upswing with Jon this season from the utter ass he was last season.  But I’m back to where I was at Jon’s worst last season, wanting to slap him for his careless disregard of these people who are his responsibility.  Honestly, I can’t remember ever being as legitimately angry at Jon’s character as I am right now, because there’s no Not-Them induced paranoia clouding his judgment.  This is purely him, a man who’s been shown to be able to care for people and to do genuinely kind things, not caring in the least for Tim or Martin or Melanie or Basira. Or maybe it’s just cowardice. Maybe he knows he’s done profound damage to all of them, and instead of stepping up and helping out, he’s willing to leave them in danger in order to avoid an emotional confrontation.  Which, on consideration, is not only cowardly but also massively dickish.

Yes, finding information is critical, and he’s being driven by the Archivist’s hunger for stories.  Yes, he’s having a breakdown regarding his own humanity.  But they are his assistants, and if he goes on like he is, he’s going to come back to the Archives to find them all dead, having been killed by something he didn’t even see fit to warn them about.

Again, I want to emphasize that I’m thinking that this is probably a deliberate writing choice.  Because giving us nice emotional closure with Georgie, giving the audience proof that Jon can care, only makes him turning around and becoming the worst iteration of himself toward the characters we’ve known and cared about since season 1 even worse.  So, yeah, kudos to the writing and acting, because mission accomplished, to the point I’m fairly certain this is going to be one of those rare episodes I can appreciate on every technical level, but will probably skip on relistens.

Conclusions

This one hurt.  Very well written, and beautifully performed by Alexander Newall, who continues to be the low-key standout performance in a show that’s full of great performances.  Martin has a unique ability to make me give all the shits about his wellbeing, moreso than any other character.  Driving him to this weepy, jittery mess has done more to make me genuinely pissed at the other characters than almost any other action they’ve taken.  That’s some seriously phenomenal acting, and some very deliberate writing.  

It’s definitely shaken any respect I had regrowing for Jon as a character.  Because what he’s doing right now, consciously or unconsciously? It just keeps reminding me that Gertrude Robinson got all of her assistants rather deliberately killed.  I want to believe Jon is better than that, and he keeps banging on about protecting them and feeling terrible when yet another person gets dragged into the Institute’s sphere of influence.  His mourning for Sasha seems genuine.  But every one of his actions right now indicate that he wouldn’t even notice if something else tried to do that to his other assistants.

Much as I like Georgie, and Melanie, and Basira, I really need the characters in the Archives who have been there since the first season to finally sit down and level with one another. I need Jon to stop paying lip service to protecting his assistants and actually fucking do it.  I need him to do anything at all to take steps toward Tim forgiving him, or toward proving Martin’s unwavering loyalty seem anything more than tragically (and possibly fatally) ill-placed.  They’ve been emotionally isolated for over a season now. Something’s got to give.

I need our team to have a win.  Not on a grand scale, but on a small emotional scale.  Because on a grand scale, they’re pretty much inevitably screwed. All victories have to be on the small emotional scale, in the interpersonal relationships that the Beholding doesn’t care about, and Elias can never understand.  That’s why this sort of thing hurts more than any big reveal of a villain or injury taken when collecting statements.  Because this is the one area they could regain ground, and they’re just spinning their wheels instead.

[fanta-ceo]

SF9 Reacts to You Bringing Home a Pet

Scenario: you bring home a pet without asking first. Thanks for everyone who requests! This one was requested by @superkpopmamafantasylove

Taeyang:

Taeyang had already told you repeatedly that you guys couldn't get a puppy. That's why you did it without talking to him. When you walk in with the puppy, Taeyang stares at you in shock. You try to act cute. Taeyang gets stern. You start to whine and try to guilt him ("I get so lonely, you're never home—"). Taeyang represses a smile. He still tells you that you need to take it back. But when you go upstairs to change (taking your own sweet time), you come back to find Taeyang chatting to the dog, explaining his cooking process patiently. He holds it in his lap during dinner and feeds it scraps. 

Two days later, he's enrolled it in training classes. Taeyang religiously attends, and he trains the puppy without ever raising his voice or getting angry. The puppy learns to shake, roll over, and Taeyang takes it on his morning runs. You tease that Taeyang spends more time with the puppy than you, and Taeyang pulls you into a hug and tells you it's your fault, you did this to yourself, and you laugh and hit him as he holds you in a vice grip and refuses to let go. 

Zuho:

Zuho asks literally no questions. He thinks the puppy chilling in the living room when he gets home is pretty cool. You come downstairs from your shower to find the puppy on his stomach as they watch tv. You wait for questions that never come. After a day, you stop waiting for him to get upset. You guys call it "Gonaji" (puppy) and take turns feeding it and cleaning up its messes.

After a week, you finally state the obvious. "Zuho, you realize this is our puppy now, right?" Zuho is stunned. Then immediately he's adorably worried, earnestly asking stupid questions like "Where will she sleep?!" "What will we feed her?!" "Who will take care of her when we're not home?!" You sooth him ("We'll just keep doing what we've already been doing—") but Zuho's lackadaisical puppy parenting changes from that point on, forever. He begins to treat the puppy tenderly and lovingly, cuddling it often, telling it stories with morals to ensure it would grow up well, bringing her everywhere even when the members tease him because he was too scared to leave it home alone, and calling it Eggy (baby).

Inseong:

Inseong connected with the cat the second you brought it home. It was a proud, smug feline with an intelligent look in its eyes (according to Inseong). It purred well when pet and enjoyed perching from high places and overlooking the apartment with grandeur. Inseong was immediately in love with it, gushing over its poise and grace. The cat immediately bonded with Inseong, sensing his true admiration. You pouted and complained that the cat liked him more, but the whole thing was too adorable to really bother you.

Inseong takes a hundred pictures and videos of his cat and shows it to everyone. His members are not impressed in the least. Inseong is. When Inseong comes home, the cat will jump from its perch and sit on the pillow beside Inseong on the couch, and they'll watch shows together while the cat purrs happily. You joke that you've been replaced. Inseong will always grab you in his arms and tickle you and assure you that no one can replace you, and he doesn't care that your loud laughter disrupts the cat's relaxation. The cat forgives you both, although it always retreats to across the room.

Youngbin:

Youngbin immediately shakes his head, even as he scoops up the puppy. "We have to take it back," he says very seriously as he cuddles it. "We aren't responsible enough for this. Our cactus died last week, and you think we can care for a puppy?" You beg and plead, and Youngbin consents to one night. The puppy gets into a sack of flour somehow (proving that you guys really aren't very responsible), but instead of getting angry, Youngbin just thinks it's absolutely hilarious. He gives the puppy a bath cheerfully, laughing when the puppy splashes him and gets him wet. You're pretty sure Youngbin will take any chance he can to mother something.

By the next day, he's googling everything he can about pet ownership. He assures the puppy that he's cute and smart constantly, and he trains it strictly and lovingly. The process reveals your puppy to be mischievous and willful, but Youngbin is never annoyed. Instead, he's delighted by your puppy's mischief and never becomes discouraged by setbacks.

Jaeyoon:

This isn't the first broken animal you've brought home. Jaeyoon has come to expect the strays you pick up, like the bird wth a broken wing you tried to nurse back to health, or the mangy, abused cat that still hates to be near anyone but you. When you bring home the three legged dog, he doesn't hesitate. He immediately steps into a nurturing role, helping you to take care of the dog without any questions. You guys go to the store to pick out a bed and food for it, and he wraps his arms around you and keeps kissing your cheek or your neck. 

You apologize to him, a little ashamed, that you brought home the dog on impulse without even talking to him. Your friend already yelled at you for doing it, and part of you expects he's a little annoyed at you. But Jaeyoon just hugs you and kisses your shoulder. "This is what I really love about you," he says. "You're always taking care of others who need it."

Dawon:

Dawon was predictably shocked and incredulous. Dawon won't admit it, but you're pretty sure he's a bit of a control freak. You're 100% testing him when you bring the dog home without asking. When he gets home and sees the dog, he immediately starts yelling and pointing. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" He seems to think the dog can answer. You spend the night mediating and laughing until your stomach hurts while Dawon repeatedly demands that you take this more seriously.

The next day, Dawon wakes you up at 6 on a Saturday to  the sounds of him yelling at your innocent dog. You come downstairs, grumpy and irritated to be woken up early. You ask him why he's yelling at your poor dog. "HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING!" The dog stares up at you with a clear lack of intelligence. "I really don't think he does." Dawon is always demanding the dog tell him what it's doing and why, and you roll your eyes and take care of the dog. After a few weeks, Dawon begins to get used to the dog, but he never stops talking to it like it's a human being. You notice that even though Dawon was clearly scared or anxious because of the dog, he never once tried to get rid of it. In fact, after a month or two, he starts to call himself Daddy and you Mommy when speaking to the dog. 

Rowoon:

Rowoon has done this before. He brought home a cat he calls Snickers, and sometimes you wonder if he loves the cat more than he loves you. Rowoon is such a bleeding heart for animals, falling in love instantly. But a gigantic, massive dog feels so excessive. "Rowoon," you whine. "Why would you do this to me?" Rowoon hugs the dog and looks up at you with a pleading pout. You laugh despite yourself. But Rowoon's new child faces a new roadblock, even after you accept him. Snickers hates her new sibling. 

Rowoon is desperate for unity among his children. He spends all of his free time for the next few months trying to get them used to each other and get them to play with each other, to coexist in love and harmony. His proudest moment is when you walk in to find your dog and Snickers cuddling on the couch. You ask him if he’s satisfied, and he pulls you into a hug. 

The next day, he comes home with a rabbit. “Rowoon—”

Hwiyoung:

The cat sat in the other room while Hwiyoung had a serious conversation with you about how you shouldn't make important decisions without him. Once you sincerely apologize, Hwiyoung nods and that's that. Hwiyoung pretends to be indifferent to the cat, but you catch him dangling a string over the cat and laughing to himself as he plays with the cat. He is thoroughly entertained. He becomes more obvious with his love, carrying it around like a baby and playing with it whenever he can. After a few days, you guys go to buy food for the cat.

Hwiyoung surprises you tho by insisting you guys buy it a scratching post, a bed you're sure it'll never use, and ridiculously, absurdly expensive cat food. He spends so much time in the toy aisle, picking out each toy with care until the cart is full. He'll hold calm, pleasant conversations with the cat, and then he'll scoop it up in his arms and cuddle it. The cat tolerates Hwiyoung's affection, but it loves playing with him. Hwiyoung is charmed by the cat's persnickety nature.

Chani:

Chani is obviously scared of the cat. He stands in the corner with huge eyes. "What is that? Ya, ya, ya—" He points at you and then the cat, horrified. You can't stop laughing as you pick up the cat and step towards him, and you watch him back into the wall, wide eyed. "Chani, why are you so scared?" He vehemently disagrees that he's scared. You set down the cat, and he's pressed as far as he can into the wall as it pads towards him daintily and begins to rub against his legs, purring. He stares at you with obvious betrayal.

Chani gets used to the cat after a few days, although occasionally it will jump out of nowhere and make him shout (which he denies later). It adores him. It follows him around everywhere. He always speaks to it with irritation, but you catch him feeding it meat when he thinks you're not paying attention. It insists on sleeping next to his head on his pillow, greatly inconveniencing him because it means he has to be careful not to move. "Why does it love me so much?" he grumps. "You totally love it." "No I don't!" He insists. But you know the truth.

[stripesthesupervillain]

The Mad Hatter’s Guide to Happiness: Chapter 11

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Summary:  Batman takes an interest in the two villains' week out, deciding to get personally involved. Scarecrow and Mad Hatter find a place to stay after the day's events.

Don’t want to read this on Tumblr? Read it here! (I’ll add links to more chapters tomorrow.)

“As of now, police are unable to locate the two criminals, Jervis Tetch and Jonathan Crane, better known by their criminal personas as the Mad Hatter and the Scarecrow.”

Bruce Wayne was drawn away from his phone call upon hearing the two familiar names on the television. He raised a brow, initially confused as he watched the news report., he leaned back on his chair, paying more attention to the woman presenting herself on TV rather than his friend on the other end of the line.

“With a count of twenty-one confirmed kills by the pair, including twenty SWAT and the chief of police, Walter Paloozi, the town now lives in fear every waking hour of the night. No one knows why they’ve come to the small town, nor why they have decided to join forces, but one thing is for sure: they won’t slow down if they aren’t stopped.”

“Hey, Lucius, I'm sorry, but something just came up. Yeah, trouble. We'll talk about the device later. I’m gonna have to call you back,” Bruce sighed, quickly hanging up the phone and rising from his chair. “Alfred, turn up the volume.”

“We’ve had several reports that the kill count is higher than originally expected, with two new bodies having appeared so far fitting Tetch’s MO. Without the town's personal Batman to stop them, and the police force showing to have been a poor match for them, it seems that anything can happen at this point, and we can only pray for their safety as they are forced to adapt to Gotham's special breed of crime. Stay tuned for more as the story develops.”

The two stared at the TV as they quickly flashed images of the criminals, both in costume and out of costume. “It seems that I may have to work out of state, Alfred,” Bruce sighed, turning off the television and heading to the bookcase that hid his biggest secret. Alfred followed after him dutifully, standing by as they waited for the bookcase to shift out of the way to reveal the entrance to the Batcave. “Usually I wouldn’t suggest having other states outsource your services, Master Bruce,” Alfred sighed, “as you are only one man. However, this seems to be a different matter altogether, so I suppose there's no point in trying to convince you, is there?” Bruce gave a curt nod as he trotted down the stairs, the floodlights to the cave activating to shine down on the complex series of computers and vehicles he used for his secret hobbies. “Usually I would let them solve their own problems, Alfred, but this is Scarecrow and Mad Hatter we’re talking about. While Tetch's predictability is limited to the Lewis Carrol books, he's still a deranged schizophrenic and still a threat, and Crane is a sadist with enough fear gas to bomb an entire country. I need to go to Georgia and stop them before they can hurt any more people.”

“Master Bruce, these two are not your responsibility,” Alfred reasoned, following at a steady pace as Bruce got onto the batcomputer to get the coordinates for the last known location of the masked men. “Maybe not,” he replied, “but I am responsible for helping to protect this city, and I let these Crane and Tetch slip under the radar. I didn’t even realize they were gone until literally three minutes ago, Alfred, and now another town is paying for this mistake,” he sighed, going over to begin putting on his infamous batsuit. Alfred didn’t reply, merely watching from afar as he occasionally checked the computer for updates. Wayne had just put on the chest plate and had begun to fit on his boots when he stopped, considering a thought. “They killed over twenty people, Alfred,” he murmured, clutching his mask in his left hand in simmering anger. “If there is a chance I can stop them before anyone else just to save a few more lives, I’m more than willing to go any distance.”  

Once his mask was on and he was fully suited up, he moved over to the computer, collecting any information that he would need. “I’m going to need to use the batmobile,” he told his butler, typing into the computer in order to see which roads he would need to use to get there the fastest. “I’ll have to go at full speed if I want to get there quickly. There’s no time to plan anything else.”

“What do you expect to do once you get there?” Alfred questioned, watching him as he began to head towards the batmobile. “Find them. I’ll have to set up a few crime scenes and check for anything they’ve left behind, and once I get ahold of them, I'm bringing them back to Gotham,” Batman informed him. “I know them, Alfred. Crane isn’t one to just run away from his problems, and Tetch loves Gotham too much to move away.”

“Not a common interest between Englishmen, I can assure you,” Alfred commented.

“They came there for a reason, most likely of Crane’s own interest. From what the computer says, Tetch has no connection with Georgia, much less even stepped foot in it. Crane must be after something. Something important, I’m sure. I’ll make sure he won’t get it. Check the computer for any linking factors between Crane and the town. Make sure you hit all bases, including profession and personal life. Oh, and make sure Robin keeps the city safe while I’m gone.”

“Understood, Master Bruce,” Alfred nodded as Bruce hopped into the armored vehicle. “Stay safe, sir. You’ve stopped several villains at once before, but there’s always a risk.”

“I’ll be home before next week, I can assure you,” Batman said confidently, lowering the roof of the batmobile and revving up the engine. It was going to be a long couple of days, he was sure of that. Even as he drove off, he couldn’t help but wonder why these two criminals would travel such a far distance to wreak havoc.

Little did he know, someone else was wondering the same thing, and they were determined to figure out this little enigma.

The Mad Hatter and Scarecrow were more than overjoyed by the time they broke through the line of trees, their run slowing to a steady walk. Breathing heavy, Scarecrow was still laughing lightly to himself, still a bit animated after the day’s events. Bits of blood was still visible on his costume, but neither of them really seemed to care. Jonathan would care when he would have to wash the damn thing, but that's for another time.  

“Oh, I honestly wish I could have recorded all of that,” Scarecrow chuckled, one hand on his scythe and the other on the duffle bag slung around his shoulder. The two were still in costume, of course, attempting to find a good point to where they were safe to change. “You’ve said that at least three times,” Mad Hatter grinned, looking up at him. “I have to say, I’ve never seen you look so spirited about anything before.”

“I enjoy a good adrenaline rush every now and again,” Scarecrow murmured, calming down as he looked over the parking lot they had come across, sparsely populated by only a few cars. “It beats sitting in an office and listening to the problems of everyone else. Now, which one should we pick?” They surveyed the area. While it was still the black of night, street lights were able to illuminate the area and give them a clear picture of where they were heading.

“Oh, I like the red one,” Hatter pointed out, gesturing to a small red car that would perfectly seat the two of them. It looked cheap and rather plain and unnoticeable, which was perfect for them. “The red one it is,” Scarecrow declared, beginning their trek through the lot. “So how many of those cards do you have left?”

“Quite a few,” Hatter replied, not bothering to check his bag. “I always bring a chess set’s worth.” They stopped at the car, where he watched Scarecrow skillfully break in and begin to fiddle with the wires. “So how much toxin would you say you have left?”

“A few canisters,” the taller villain replied, grunting as the wires didn’t seem to be connecting. “So I’d say enough to break at least a hundred minds. In case that fails, I still have a scythe and an axe, whereas you don’t have a weapon of any kind.”

“Well, I usually I have other people do my bidding who usually have weapons,” Hatter huffed, watching him move the wires in the obviously wrong places. “Er, Hare, I don’t believe-“

“I know what I’m doing,” Scarecrow spat, before cursing when one of the wires gave him a little shock, although it wasn’t felt through the gloves. Hatter rolled his eyes, grabbed the other’s arm before he could protest, and ducked under the steering wheel. Within seconds, the car came to life. When he came back up, he dusted his dinner gloves on his coat. “I suggest you leave the technology to me. Hares don’t climb trees and haberdashers don’t live in burrows. It’s just not practical,” he chuckled, going and getting into the driver’s seat. “Says the one in Wonderland,” Scarecrow scoffed, getting into the passenger seat. Normally he wouldn’t let Hatter drive the car, as it was akin to trusting him with his very life, but he decided to let him have it this time. With a sigh, he pulled off his hat and mask as they began to pull off, revealing unusually unkempt red hair and a man with a stupid grin on his face, which slowly faded with time.

“Ah, Wonderland seems to be more exciting than usual, doesn’t it?” Hatter sighed, adjusting his hat. Jonathan knew he wasn’t going to take that thing off until he was asleep and didn’t bother to tell him off. “It sure does,” he muttered, now feeling more worn out. “Let’s just find a place to stay for the night and get out once daylight hits. I don’t want to spend another second here.”

“How about one of the neighborhood houses?” Jervis suggested, looking at an intersection that led to a cluster of houses. “That’s risky,” Jonathan replied, shaking his head. “We don’t want to wake any neighbors. They’re probably already high strung as it is.”

“Well you lived here, didn’t you?” Tetch said, looking over at him. “Where do you suggest we stay, then?” Jonathan had to think about this for a good few seconds, going through his terrible memories for any place they could stay that the police wouldn’t check out.

“On the next intersection, turn left and keep driving until you hit Duley Road,” he instructed. “There’s a small plaza that used to be filled with vacant shops. With any luck, a few of them may still be empty.”

Jervis nodded, beginning to follow as instructed as he began to rest against the car seat. He felt more tired than usual, which was understandable. Today was undoubtedly the third most eventful day of his life. He nearly died several times, so it was at least in the top five. Today was a good day, he’d say.

The car was filled with silence, with Jonathan now quieted and recounting the day’s events with a small smile. Jervis couldn’t help but become curious about some words shared several minutes earlier.

“Hey Hare,” he hummed, only receiving a grunt in response as a sign that he had his attention. “Do you really prefer this life over the life you could have had?”  

Jonathan paused, looking over at him silently. Tetch took this as a sign to keep going. “It’s the question we all ask ourselves, isn’t it? If we could go back in time and stop ourselves from become this, would we?” He glanced over at the unamused Crane, who only let out a sigh after a minute and shook his head. “Tetch,” Jonathan sighed, “as much as I appreciate the conversation and attempts to keep away the silence, I really can’t bear any more questions for today. Save it for tomorrow.” Jervis let out a small titter of amusement, but nodded in understanding. If Jonathan was sick of questions and answers, it must have been a really long day for him. He just hummed a tune to himself and kept driving.

They soon came to the plaza his companion had mentioned, looking around the dimly lit area in search of anyone. Besides one lone car, there was really no one there. Sure enough, a few of the stores were empty, the signs torn down and the windows covered to show there was no longer any occupants.  

It only took a few seconds and the door was soon opened, thanks to Catwoman’s helpful lessons. They trudged in with their things, locked the door, and took a look around. Jervis noticed the wallpaper still clinging to the interior was a light green with the occasional flower print. There was also an area where things were clearly meant to be on display, with lights and nozzles for misting water hanging above each display.

“I believe this place may have been for floristry, Hare. Oh, you know how I enjoy flowers,” Jervis mused, before frowning. “Except daisies. Those are always irritating to listen to.” Jonathan emerged from another room, now in his more citizen-type clothing, looking rather normal except for the unkempt hair. “It doesn’t matter what this place is for,”  he scoffed, peering out the small cracks visible between the coverings of the windows. He could already see the red streaks of dawn starting to make their way towards the center of the black sky. “What matters is that we get some rest. News travels fast, Jervis. I’d rather not take the chance of Batman taking interest. Get some sleep.”  

Tetch gave a curt nod, but gave a quick knowing smile to the doctor. “No pills, right?” he chuckled, watching as Crane turned to give him a small glare. He just shrugged it off. He soon found a good place to take a rest, before setting his hat to the side and nearly passing out then and there, not bothering to change out of his dirtied costume. Jonathan did the same, sitting nearby as he finally began to relax for the first time today. Well, the first time that didn’t involve being drugged. That time didn’t count. He let out a soft yawn, noticing it was becoming even brighter outside. He just grumbled in annoyance, turning away from the windows and closing his eyes.

Once they woke up, they would immediately head straight back to Gotham and nowhere else. He was already sick and tired of this town after just two days of being back. No one would stop them, and soon he would be back to terrorizing the people of Gotham. Those thoughts gave him some comforts as he began to rest up and drift off to sleep.

However, he would have to stay up a bit more, as soon enough, the phone rang.

Jervis audibly groaned in vexation, covering his ears. Jonathan just sighed and ignored the ringing until it finally stopped. Whoever it was could wait a few hours.  

Of course, when the phone rang again, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep without answering it. Even if he wasn’t called again, just not knowing who it was would be enough to keep him up a good hour or so. He angrily snatched up the phone, noticing Jervis sit up with an expression of both curiosity and slight annoyance. Jonathan recognized the caller ID as being from his base back in Gotham. It was Rockwell, most likely. Anyone else wouldn’t be a good sign. He let out an annoyed huff and answered the phone.

“Yes?” he greeted, going into an impatient stance as he leaned against a counter. “Whatever it is, it must be pretty damn important, Rockwell.” He could hear his henchman clear his throat in a nervous fashion. Something else could also be heard in the background, but he couldn’t identify it. It almost sounded like a voice.

“Well, Mister Scarecrow, sir,” Rockwell began, “I caught this guy sneaking around the base. Messing with all your chemicals and notes and stuff before I caught him. You know, the things you told me never to touch unless I want to end up in an Asylum?”

Jonathan furrowed his brow in initial confusion, before quickly becoming angry once again. “An intruder? Messing with my things? Well tell me you at least killed the imbecile.”

“Well, that’s the thing,” Rockwell replied. “I was going to, but he told me to cal you specifically. Told me I would regret it if I killed him. Called me a bunch of things, too.”  

At this point, Crane was simply puzzled at the situation. “Who gives a damn who he is?” he scoffed. “What sort of brainless halfwit would even think to intrude upon my lair? If he was caught by you, he obviously can’t be of much importance. I won’t be shedding any tears, trust me on-“

That’s when he heard it. Whatever voice that was in the background soon became loud and clear.

“HALF-WIT? I’ll have you know that I was able to find both your base and figure out the access code in a mere hour, not an easy task for a mere simpleton. If it’s anyone lacking the brains of the bunch, it’s you for only hiring a single guard to protect the supplies that are integral to your potato sack visaged alter-ego!”

Jonathan had to pull the phone back in order to not damage his ear drums. He blinked in surprise, looking over at Jervis, who had heard the yelling man on the other end. Both recognized that voice clear as day, but both seemed unable to make sense of it.

“Is that…?” Tetch murmured slowly.

“It is…” Crane replied.

They looked at each other and back down at the phone. They practically said it at the same time, equally as confused.

“Nygma?”

[bananashemmo]

Hatred For Love

Pairing: Cheerleader!Y/N/Jock!Ashton

Rating: NC-All

Request: No

Words: 6.000+

Summary: When lead cheerleader Y/N and football captain Ashton are forced to share tent at a camp trip to try put down the rival between the cheerleaders and footballers things seem to collapse with a compass and a map in the lost woods.

“No way! I don’t give a shitty crap I’m not doing this!” 

The echo of Ashton’s voice was loud in the bus filled with students. The expression on his face matched the aggressive tone he had, his eye color almost changed into a darker shade. 

“There’s no way in hell that I’m sharing a tent with Y/N Y/L/N!” 

He almost had to look down at the paper again just to be sure. Was it really just a nightmare? Or had it turned into something real because if it was, his first mission would be to jump out of the bus without hesitation. 

“It says so.” Calum explained with an apologizing look on his face. He understood Ashton was upset but he needed to face reality. 

Ashton looked blank and glanced down at the paper again. Was his name really matched? It didn’t make any sense and the football trip he had been looking forward to seemed to shatter. 

“Is this a fucking joke?!” 

He looked up by the sound of the exact same tone as his. You were standing by the end of the bus with red cheeks and the most frustrated expression as possible.

“I’m not fucking joking bitch I’m not gonna share a fucking tent with him!” 

Calum almost had to stop from cracking up in laughter. The scenario was too good to be true and it almost didn’t come as a surprise to him. To anyone besides the two of you. 

Ashton was standing in front of  the rest of the team and expressing his anger. You were standing in front of the cheerleaders who were ready to come up and backtalk - the thing you all were best at when it came to boys. 

“I’m gonna talk to Coach Hanson about this there’s no way in hell I’m doing this for a full week.” With a shake of disbelief Ashton crumbled the paper in his large hand and stood up from his seat.

He didn’t care if the bus was moving and rules said they had to be seated and belted for the ride. If he wasn’t going to blow up the whole bus with his temper he would need to clear out his anger issues. 

“Coach Hanson I’m afraid that we have to-,” 

“Mrs. Daniels I think we have an misunderstanding.” 

Before Ashton could get the chance to finish his sentence you walked right out of your seat and stopped him in track from walking in the small bus hallway. 

You waved your ponytail right in his face as you walked out and didn’t even want to look over your shoulder. You didn’t have the time to stand and argue with him because just the thought of sharing something where he was included made you gag. 

Both Mrs. Daniels and Coach Hanson looked up as you marched down to the front part of the bus where they were seated with a nice cup of coffee each.

Just by the look of their calm faces it spoiled that they had been preparing for this moment and didn’t want to give in for your begs and pleads. 

“Mrs. Daniels! I don’t think it’s appropriate to create a mix up. Is there any way possible that I can switch tent partners and to someone else like Giovanna?” 

Ashton rolled his eyes when you stopped right in front of you, nearly backing his chest against your back. He looked down at you for a short moment and he shook his head in disbelief by the way you were standing. 

“Oh could you press your boobs harder together in that cheerleading uniform I’m not sure if Michael in the back of the bus can see them.” 

“I sure as hell can, lad.” Michael quickly yelled back and made a thumbs up in the air. 

You rolled your eyes again by the offensiveness and just for the sake of them moved your shirt up because that wasn’t really your intention after all.

“What I’m saying is that I’m in no way near position to share something of his. I can’t even stand being next to him right now so can you please for the love of the god change us as partners? We’re speaking world war three here.” 

Coach Hanson and Mrs. Daniels didn’t change their expressions in fact they only looked amused by the way you were reacting.

You almost felt like wanting to stamp your foot down because you felt they didn’t take your words seriously at all. 

“Coach Hanson you don’t understand if I have to hear her voice throughout the whole night talking about how important the cheerleading squad is for the football team there’s no way I’m gonna get any sleep and achieve the performance you’d demand. There’s no good in this and I swear everyone will be satisfied if you change it.” 

“My voice? What are you on about do you think I talk in my sleep?” You commented before Coach Hanson could.

“What about me and my beauty sleep? If I have to witness to your loud snoring all night I’ll end up choking you with my goddamn sock.” 

“I don’t snore.” Ashton was just as quick to respond and looked down at you with wide eyes.

“Yeah tell that to Diana after you slept with her and nearly ruined her hearing.” You glared up at him before crossed your arms because you could do so much better than stand and argue with him. 

There could never not be enough apologizes. 

“You guys can argue to the moon and it will never not be amusing to us but we’ve decided to let it be that way.” Mrs. Daniels was so calm with her voice it was like your arguments didn’t have any affect. 

“But isn’t there a rule saying that girls and boys shouldn’t be allowed to sleep in the same tent at camps?” Ashton asked seconds later and you looked over at Coach Hanson who shook his head. 

“Yes if you live in a world where boys and girls can’t get along.” 

“But we can’t get along!” You argued and this time stamped your foot down, “We can’t even stand looking at each other!” 

“We’re aware.” Mrs. Daniels nodded her head in agreement, her reddish curls bouncing along.

“And that is the reason why we’ve decided that you’re going to share a tent.” 

“But how is that any good?” Ashton crossed his arms this and time and flashed his biceps, sometimes he did that to just make a better impression and you shook your head in disbelief. 

“Well considering the two of you hate each other we thought it would be a better way to get to know each other and connect. For the whole week you’re going to be addicted to each other because everything will be paired up.” Coach Hanson explained and Mrs. Daniels nodded her head in agreement. 

“Because we think that they is always this kind of rival between the cheerleaders and the football team we thought it would be a better way to connect by allowing the two leaders to work together. We all know that in the end we’re a full team that is supposed to be unite and one.” 

“Okay but how about we just appreciate the cheerleading squad and give us more space? That way we will already connect more as a team!” You barely believed Mrs. Daniels words because they didn’t make any sense.

“Yeah because the attention should be on the cheerleading squad and not the footballers who is actually carrying the game and the reason why people have showed up.” 

Ashton’s argument was so weak but Coach Hanson was quick to reply. 

“I think we can all agree that no matter what you’re in a need of each other. To make sure that things will go well and we’ll get a better tension among each other it’s all up to you. And that is the reason why we’ve made the decision we have.” 

“Think of it as something fun. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two about each other that will surprise you.” Mrs. Daniels finished and from that you both knew there was no way you could argue anymore.

You had to share a tent together and it had to be from the start to the end of this trip. 

Ashton shook his head in disbelief and made his curls bounce. They had grown long the last couple of weeks he had to wear a hair tie when he was playing football to not block out his sight. 

He didn’t say more but turned around and headed back to the end of the bus. 

Neither did you want to stand and look stupid so you hurried back to your squad and pressed the tie around your ponytail harsher. 

This was the official start of world war three. 

Ashton almost wanted to rip off his curls. This was something he had looked forward to for so long, it was something they did as the football team every year when the school was about to end as a celebration.

But this year it was something different, the cheerleaders were brought along.

When he first heard he thought it was a joke. In fact he was laughing ridiculously until the end of the meeting when he figured out it was actually for real. 

It was no shock to everyone that the footballers and cheerleaders hated each other. So of course, it had to be this way and to make it even worse, it had to be for more than just one hour of practice in the gym hall. 

Ashton couldn’t even remember back to the first time he met you because he already knew from that that he hated you.

There was something about the way you stepped into the gym hall or the football field for the first time that made his blood boil. The confidence you had by showing you literally owned everything made him crack his knuckles. 

It was no doubt that steam was coming out from his ears when your attitude was just like he predicted.

It could have been  taken out from a movie. How everything was going on around you could be close to a script and sometimes Ashton had to hold in the profatonites leaving his lips when he saw you. 

It wasn’t even on purpose he hit you square across the face when you stood on the top of the pyramid at practice. It was like destiny calling because from that exact moment, you hated him more than green stains on your cheerleading uniform. 

You were so furious your face almost matched your red lipstick. There was no way possible that he could just do that, and without apology. 

But once you showed up in his face it was only as if Ashton was more tempted. It was a laugh to see you mess up during tricks and he almost wished you had fallen down in the process.

“You think you can just do that without at least saying you’re sorry?” You were so angry your arms were pressed harshly together but the only thing Ashton could notice was your cleavage. 

“It’s not my fault you almost fell for me? Get over yourself princess this is football. Not your show.” 

Ashton could tell he could say anything to you and you would boil over. If a pan of salted sweetcorn was hanging right above your head it would be able to create popcorn within seconds. 

If it was war he wanted it was war he would get.

No matter where you went there would either be a profanity escaping your lips or he would roll his eyes. Everyone was aware of your rival because it was worse than all the other team mates and cheerleaders. 

It was destiny calling by having the lead cheerleader and the football captain hating each other. 

This was nothing like the typical high school movies. This wasn’t something where you would be the cute couple hanging around in the hallways and kissing behind door lockers. 

No this was full war filled with evil pranks and ways trying to get the other to get attention to miss practice. It was always about tearing the other one down. 

When the bus stopped Ashton’s head almost fell into the front seat it was that harsh the break was pushed. Or maybe it wasn’t like that but his head felt so heavy he didn’t want to step outside. 

He was the last one to walk out and into the large crowd of students standing in front of Coach Hanson and Mrs. Daniels. 

He had no idea what was going to happen but he did not like the idea already when he was ordered to walk towards his “tent partner”. God how he hated those words already. 

It was with a glare he stood beside you and placed his gym back on the grass filled with football jerseys and different pairs of shoes.

You already had a backpack of your own and a little purse next to it but he had no idea what was in it. What was supposed to be used for makeup in the woods, this was a camp for god sake. 

You exchanged another glare before your eyes adverted towards Coach Hanson who cleared his throat to grab attention. 

“Welcome everyone to Camp F17. The camp where we gather football players from North High and now, also for a change, the cheerleaders of North High. To start out everything we’d like for you to shake hands with your tent partners, tell one lie and two truths about yourself.” 

You tightened your lips together and turned around to look up at Ashton who had his sports-bag placed between his feet. 

You didn’t know who should start or not but as you both opened your mouth at once the words were exclaimed. 

“I hate you.” 

That one was pretty easy and the both of you knew from the other way that it was the truth. You were looking down at your feet using your shoe to kick some grass away from the dirt.

“Capri-Sun with Safari Fruits is my favorite juice drink before practice.” Ashton was quicker to speak than you and you raised your eyebrows by his random choice of fact. 

“I uh-,” You looked up confused by his words and crossed your arms again. 

“When I eat a banana I leave the end of it in the banana peel because I think it’s too bitter for my taste.”

It was just as random as Ashton’s and neither did he seem impressed. He had his eyebrows furrowed because of it being just as weird and he felt it was his turn again. 

“I use conditioner sometimes because it’s easier to control the air after practice.” 

“What brand?” You weren’t supposed to ask but curiosity took over and the words flied out from your mouth.

You were never the one to small talk so you quickly furrowed your eyebrows and wanted to change to subject because to be honest you could care less about his curly locks. 

“I don’t eat breakfast in the morning because I think it makes me heavier for morning practice.” It was a stupid one you knew but it was the only one thing that came to your mind and Ashton nodded his head slowly.

You had no idea what else to say but when you took a look around you could see that everyone else were far behind.

They were standing trying to come up with something and you were surprised that some were getting more along than others. It wasn’t matching up with girls and boys so you weren’t actually the only one who had to suffer.

Ashton glared bored over at Calum and Michael who were having a fun time trying to come up with some stupid facts. They did in fact know each other for the longest so they could come up with something random that the other definitely wouldn’t guess. 

He took a look at the large field you were standing on.

The weather was so nice in fact it was actually really great. He could already feel how he was going to sweat so much when they would start the football games whether it would just be for fun or actually practicing. 

It was always like this every year. It was always such a nice whether it was like they were brought with luck every time.

But if Ashton squeezed his eye tight he could tell that clouds were slowly coming from distance. 

They were far away but they were nicely grey and dark, just like he was feeling by being surrounded by so many cheerleaders at once.

If the weather would turn into something horrible he would already know why. 

He looked away from the clouds to see you stand with a small frown on your face. You were glancing towards some of your friends actually having fun and it was a miss because you had looked forward to this too.

Well enough you had never tried it before but it was somehow and honor to be brought along. Besides it meant you had to skip science classes and you were more grateful of that than ever. 

But to be honest you just wanted to go back to the bus again and sit. It would be much more fun than to stand next to Ashton and feel the hate vibrate. 

Everyone was surprised you didn’t rip each other’s heads off yet. But you knew that with the wrong words someone would commit a murder tonight. 

You grabbed the elastic band out from your hair and let it fall down to your shoulders. It was getting cold because of the wind and with your bare shoulders from the cheerleader uniform heat was needed. 

You didn’t like where this was going because Coach Hanson had more “team building” activities in his mind before you would settle down with your tents. 

“Okay, I hope everyone got the chance to know each other a little bit better. I think we did.” Coach Hanson yelled and he looked over at Mrs. Daniels with a smile.

If someone would actually have sex tonight the tension was obvious already. 

“Before we team you up and walk into the woods we just have to make one more small activity. I think what this trip is not going to be about winning and playing, it going to be about getting to know each other on different levels.” 

You didn’t like the fact that he said teaming up and walking into the woods but you couldn’t think more about it before he changed the attention to the new activity. 

“I think you all know it pretty well when we stand like this.” Coach Hanson turned to Mrs. Daniels and watched her move around so her back was facing his chest. 

When she deliberately fell towards his waiting arms your eyes widened and you shook your head in disbelief.

Ashton did the same thing and scratched his chin slightly. There was no way possible that you would get through a test like that because you well knew there was no trust between you what so ever. 

“It’s the trust fall challenge.” Mrs. Daniels was so excited in her tone after moving away from Coach Hanson and she clapped her hands together. 

“We expect that once this trip is over you all will be able to do this without such problems. It’s about trusting each other because if you can’t do that at a cheer or at a game, you can’t do anything together. It’s what brings us all together as one unite. You have to trust the person standing in front of you.” 

You turned to Ashton after rolling your eyes deeply. 

He was having the same look on his face and from the way he was standing you could already predict what he had in mind.

“I’m not starting.” You stated and pointed a finger at him.

He was the last person you trusted, probably all around the world. There was no way you would let him stand and prepare to just drop you to the ground like you were nothing but air to him. 

“What? You think I’m gonna start? You can’t start pulling the ‘I’m the woman I should start first’ shit. It’s not 1993 anymore. I have just as much right to start as you do.” 

He always had great arguments but there was no way possible you would let him start this. If this had to be fair it had to be random who would start this out.

“Rock, paper, scissor?” The suggestion was simple and great from your side, Ashton didn’t even need to be convinced to do so. 

When he fist his hand together and prepared for the small game you looked at him twice in the ours before saying the words out loud.

It was like victory when you saw he had picked paper just like you had predicted he would.

“Scissor beats paper.” Your tone was teasing and annoying but you honestly couldn’t care. You weren’t the one to lose.

“Fucking fine.” Ashton cursed under his mouth and turned around with his back facing you.

But whether he did it on purpose or not you weren’t sure but the sudden dirt being kicked up on your uniform made your eyes go wide. 

“Ashton you did not fucking just spill dirt on my uniform do you know how much this costs?” You were beyond angry by the stain that was so obvious to the otherwise black and white uniform you almost wanted to yell out loud. 

Before you could react probably after looking up from your uniform a yelp came from your lips.

Unaware of what was going to happen Ashton fell backwards but without anything to catch him.

It was a loud groan that came from his lips when he fell down to the ground. Well enough it was grass but it still hurt his back like hell and he couldn’t avoid the very small rock that made a cut in his forehead. 

“Are you in the fucking hell shit kidding me?” Curses came from Ashton’s lips per milliseconds and you looked down at him with wide eyes.

“Y/N this is all your fault?” 

“My fault?” You pointed at yourself and furrowed your eyebrows, “How the hell can this be my fault?” 

“You were supposed to catch me!” Ashton argued and ran a hand through his hair to find out he had blood leaking from a small cut. 

“Yes on the count of three! You can’t just fall and expect me to catch you without being prepared.” You crossed your arms not finding his anger fair. He was the one after all who messed up your uniform.

“Ladies and gentleman.” Coach Hanson grabbed everyone’s attention by clapping his hands together and walked towards you.

“This is how you not handle the challenge.” 

You could feel the blush spread on your cheeks by the sudden attention that was put on you. Along with you having dirt all over your clothes and having Ashton bleeding on the ground it looked like some sort of ridiculous scene. 

You didn’t even give Ashton a hand to get up as he did it by himself and tried to remove his hair so it wouldn’t get blood on it. 

“You need to trust each other. Especially you two.” Mrs. Daniels said and added extra pressure as she glanced between you.

They still didn’t look mad, on the contrary they were so amused because this was just exactly like they had predicted it would be. 

It was a nightmare. 

You looked up at Ashton once he stood up but it was not with smiles on your faces. You had no idea what the purpose of these tasks were but they had not helped you get any closer. 

You rolled your eyes and headed towards the circle of people that was created with Mrs. Daniels and Coach Hanson in the middle.

Just by the look on their faces you didn’t like the way this was going.

“If you think the partnership is over now you’re in for a treat.” Mrs. Daniels said and both yours and Ashton’s eyes widened when she pulled out small maps and a compass. 

Ashton’s mouth fell and he could already feel how his brain was starting to function but he could barely remember anything. Now was not a good time to think back to the geography classes he mostly had skipped for football.

You on the other hand had never spent a single time with geography at all. You had no idea where you were in the first place. 

“We’ve decided that this year you will figure out where we are going to live by yourself. Usually we walk the trip together hand in hand through the woods but sometimes it’s time for a change. You all will receive a small map and a compass and please do remember this. It’s a partners tasks, not something where you can follow in groups. You have to do this all by yourselves.” 

Your eyebrows lifted in confuse when the map was placed in your hands. You had no idea where was what and Ashton was just as confused when he received the compass.

“We think independence is important here and to see if everyone has listened in either health or geography I’m sure this will turn out great. No help from others, no cellphones and for the love of god. Don’t kill each other.” 

You weren’t sure if Coach Hanson was serious about the last thing but the glare Ashton sent you was almost the same thing. 

He was looking down at the compass confused, the red arrow wasn’t helping his situation at all and you could tell he had no idea what to do. 

“This is not a good idea.” You moaned with your hands in your face. 

“You think?” Ashton spat and followed the rest of the boys and girls towards the start of the wood.

It was clear that everyone was confused but they still made the effort to try. You could feel from Ashton’s attitude that this was something you had to sort out because he wasn’t even giving it a try. 

You couldn’t even see what was wood or where you were standing. The only thing obvious on the map was the lake far away with a small X saying where you were supposed to meet up and camp. 

It was with goofy laughter and confusion everyone split in the woods. Everyone was clearly heading in different directions not to follow each other and so did you. 

At first it was Ashton walking in front but as he had no idea how to use the compass you tried to take control of the situation. 

“I think we should go in this direction.” You pointed towards what seemed to be an easier way to go with bushes, trees and what else to offer. 

“You sure about that?” Ashton asked like he couldn’t care less you almost wanted to smack the map in his face. 

“You think I can do this on my own?” You asked with furrowed eyebrows and pushed past him to get to the small path that was made by people taking trips in the wood. 

“No because someone ends up getting hurt. Give me that.” Without hesitation the map was taking out of your hands and switched out with the compass instead. 

“You think I can use this?” You were almost in disbelief of how he was handling the situation. 

“No screw the compass. We just have to trust our instincts. It’s just like on the Map App on an iPhone. Just follow the blue path.” 

You weren’t the slightest convinced by his words but in the end it was the best way to go. 

You had no idea where to walk so everything was done spontaneously. If something seemed easier to walk in you took that turn and if something came up that looked like the lake you would walk straight towards it.

What wasn’t expected was how easy it was to be fooled in the trap of trees. 

It was like no matter where you went you felt you had been standing in the exact same position. It felt like driving in a roundabout and never actually getting out of it. 

You almost wanted to roll your eyes when Ashton had decided you needed to turn to the left. It was the exact same small bushes with red roses that you had walked past there was no use of doing it again.

“Ashton we’ve been here! Twice!” The frustration was loud in your tone and to this point it didn’t even matter if your outfit had turned into mud because so had your shoes. 

He looked over his shoulder because it was something you had been repeating endlessly. 

“Well maybe you should take over then! It gives me headache to hear your voice all the damn time and I’m not the only one who’s supposed to figure out where to go!” 

He placed the map in your eyes and all of the sudden all responsibility were on you.

You glared at him with wide eyes and shook your head in disbelief because even if he was the one controlling direction in the first place you were still there for moral support. 

“You can’t just put it all on me! My situation awareness is horrible how do you expect me to figure out where to go! You said we needed to do this together and we’ve been walking for hours! The rest of the class has most probably figured it all out and is laughing their asses off knowing we’re still stuck here.” 

Ashton shook his head in disbelief and looked towards a small peak that allowed to see outside of the woods.

He had no idea where it was leading but there was no way he would continue to listen to your complains. 

So of course you followed him when he headed towards it without saying a thing. There was no way possible that you would sit here on your own trying to figure out something that was impossible. 

Ashton’s eyes widened in surprise when he came outside and noticed you were on the top of one of the hills. In fact it was so high you were able to see over most of the woods but still not abe to see where the lake was placed.

And even if you could see where it was there was no use going for it. You wouldn’t be able to figure it out on your own and it would be too far of a walk to go especially considering it was starting to get dark.

At any other point you most probably would have enjoyed the sunset. It was dark and orange in the horizon far away but the frown of your face stole attention instead. 

You stood completely frozen trying to take everything in at once.

Ashton was looking over the hills trying to figure out an idea but he couldn’t come up with anything.

His legs were hurting from the long walk and his head was pounding from trying to concentrate. It was frustation to his eyes every time he was left disappointed to the sight of not being at the finish line. 

You weren’t even able to hear if someone was near you. The only thing loud was the wind gushing and the locusts far in the green grass. 

You looked over your shoulder and tried to read Ashton’s face but it was no use.

“You know this is completely your fault.” 

His words were almost disbelief to your ears and you were quick to cross your arms. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? My fault? How do you always manage to blame it on me when I had absolutely nothing to do with it!” 

“Exactly Y/N! That’s the reason why it’s your fault.” He spread his arms wide to show his frustration but he wasn’t a bit intimidating towards you. 

“Because you didn’t participate in helping I had do to this on my own. One brain working against a puzzle like this is impossible and since you didn’t want to help me at all besides complaining about going the wrong direction there was no possible way we could find the place without a phone! And not to mention there’s not a shitty signal even on this heel we can’t even call for help.” 

It was a challenge that came to your face by his words and you reached down to grab your phone.

“4G will test that theory.” You spat quietly and typed fast on your phone but disappointment came to your face once you weren’t even able to turn on the data. 

Ashton was practically smirking when you quickly locked the phone and forced it back in your bag. 

You weren’t sure how to react but you just wanted to walk up in his face and yell because he was being so cocky and annoying his attitude was ready to be grilled.

“Look at me one last time and you will regret it.” You warned with a pointed finger but it only challenged him more.

“Like what? Like I’m enjoying my frustration because trust me I do.” He was being tempted by your attitude but even if you wanted to react cool it only pissed you off even more than before.

You stormed towards him after letting go of some of the stuff you were given for the telt and your bags, literally not carrying that it would get mud from the dirty grass.

“You know what you are Ashton? You’re one of the worst and most importantly a fucking snake because you can always get people to like you by your sweet innocent look and attitude.” 

“Oh and you know what you are?” He asked without removing a single bit and letting you walk straight to his face. 

Regardless of the height difference you still weren’t frightened. 

“You’re a fucking bitch Y/N and you always will be. In your head it will always be about grabbing the attention from everyone else because that’s what you do! Even if it’s not your intention you still manage to do so and it’s getting tiring and annoying!” 

“Oh so I’m a bitch now? What a nice word to use Ashton what’s the next gonna be? Slut?” You shook your head in disbelief but trying to look confronting wasn’t the best considering he was hovering over you. 

“Yes Y/N you are a bitch!” He was not having a single mine on his face it was coming straight from the heart. 

“Thank you Ashton!” You yelled and made sure to add extra pressure on his name.

“Out of all the people I could end up stranded with it had to be you out of all the people I hate the most!” 

“How lucky you are!”

“Lucky? I’d rather spent the night filled with spiders and slugs than sharing one last word with an idiot like you!” 

You pushed your nose in the air and took one step back to illustrate how serious you were.

“Fine!”

“Fucking fine, princess!” 

The nickname was enough to push you over your nerves and you turned around quickly to head towards a near rock you could sit at instead of the ground. 

Being the person to not fucking care about anything Ashton slumped down on the ground as long as he was and tightened his jaw. This couldn’t get any worse and he couldn’t see the end of this no matter what. 

You shook your head in disbelief and tried for the last time to check your phone but it was not any use. It didn’t even give you the chance to try with low battery. 

You were stuck for the rest of the night. 

- part 2 -

[trademarkblue]

100 Days of R/Hr: Day 6

Prompt: “I want kids. With you. Only you.” (Ron saying this to Hermione… and please. LET THE ANGST & FULL ON SEX COMMENCE)

Prompted by: @melimelrockswell1204

Okay, so… First of all, I apologize, because this didn’t have a lot a angst. It just kind of took off on its own as I was writing it, and then I remembered it was supposed to be angstier! Oops. It’s really just fluff, to be honest. But it would still get at least a T for language. I dunno, can you say “fuck” with a T? ha.

Second, I got to the end of the first half of what I had planned, but the SMUT that was to follow was going to be a WHOLE OTHER THING and was going to take way too long to write today, so… I cut it somewhat randomly at the end of the second scene break. I’m going to add an extension when I post this over on FFN. I’ll make sure to let you know when I do! I am posting these over there, once a week, on Tuesdays.

I hope you enjoy this, in spite of it not being exactly what you asked for! I incorporated most of the dialogue, just not all at once, and… well, you’ll see. x

“Fucking hell!”

His back slammed into the ground with enough force to both knock the wind out of him and potentially leave a few scary bruises for Hermione to find when he got home. A rock dug sharply into his shoulder blade, and he could see their attacker getting away.

“Hhharrry,” he croaked, not quite able to suck in a proper breath. It was bloody fortunate that they could almost read each other’s minds, because Harry met Ron’s eyes from across the garden and almost moved toward Ron before realising what he was trying to convey and shifting his gaze to the cloaked figure who was already halfway over the stone wall that separated his property from an expanse of thick forest.

Harry’s stunning spell hit the fleeing wizard square in the back, and he lost his grip, sliding down the wall to the ground, just as Ron managed to scramble to his feet and sprint toward him.

“Bastard!”

But their target recovered way faster than he should’ve, and his fist collided with Ron’s jaw as Ron skidded to his knees in an attempt to capture him. Harry was behind him in an instant, but Ron simply ignored the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and slammed a forearm across the struggling wizard’s throat, pinning him to the ground.

Harry’s wand shot out to poke sharply against the man’s temple.

“Don’t bloody move,” Harry commanded, and their captive froze, as they could hear the rest of their team making their way quickly around from the front of the estate.

He was lying in the infirmary, and he really wished they’d let him go. It wasn’t that bad. Sure, his lip was swelling a bit, and his jaw was nearly fractured, and his back and ribs were aching… but, he was fine. Honestly. The healers had already administered all the potions he needed, so it was just a matter of time for them to kick in, and he’d rather not have Hermione show up here from work.

Too late, of course, as the door opened swiftly, and she stood on the other side, hair frizzing down from the bun she’d attempted with two broken quills, a hair elastic, and a good bit of wrangling, he was sure.

“Well, you’re alive,” she said, as she shuffled into the room and closed the door behind her, making her way to his bedside with a sharp sniff.

“It’s really not bad,” he said, moving to sit up further on the stack of pillows behind him as she stared, sighing.

“We have such different interpretations of ‘not bad.’”

“Yeah, I know.”

She sat in the chair close by his right, shoving loose hairs back from her face.

“I’m almost convinced it would be smarter to go stay with my parents for a few nights when you come home like this…”

“What?” he said, alarmed. “Why?”

“I don’t know… maybe because I reward you too much for getting hurt. You come back, and I’m just relieved you’re alive, so I take off work, and we spend several days at home together… I’ve been really busy lately, and I’ve missed you, honestly… but I’d rather it not come to this.”

He blinked at her.

“That's… mental.”

“I know it is.”

“I wouldn’t do that. Swear.”

She took a deep breath, not breaking eye contact as he tried to send her additional reassurances, wordlessly.

“Yes, alright,” she conceded. “I know. But you’re the only one I can tell when I’ve got… mad ideas. Harry wouldn’t get it, Ginny would roll her eyes at me…”

He smiled, and she returned it. Alright, so they were at least some of the same kinds of crazy. He knew that.

“We had a whole team with us,” he explained. “I know it looks rough, but it wasn’t life threatening.”

She nodded, sighing as she dropped her bag to the floor and leaned against the side of his bed, finally taking his hand. He held hers back, tightly, running his thumb across her knuckles.

“I honestly thought it wouldn’t be that difficult for you and Harry to still be doing this,” she admitted. “We spent so many years fighting together. But I think it’s just because I’m not there with you, anymore, and I don’t know what’s happening, and it’s like when you were at Shell Cottage and Harry and I were in the tent for weeks, and I didn’t know if you were alive, or…”

“Yeah… I get it.”

He squeezed her hand, and she scooted her chair a bit closer, until her knees were digging into the side of his bed.

“You can get in here.” He lifted the corner of his blanket and raised a brow at her. “Don’t think anyone’s gonna set me free anytime soon. Might take a nap.”

“I’m still not sure you deserve cuddling…” but she was grinning, so he budged over to give her space, and she dropped his hand to stand.

She moved her chair out of the way and sat on the edge of his bed, reaching down to take off her shoes.

“Oh, before I forget… George gave me a shift at the shop on Saturday,” he yawned. “Gonna be bloody busy there with a million kids home from Hogwarts. Might have to hide in the back ‘stocking the shelves’ if they gang up on me with questions like last weekend…”

“Reminds me how you used to tell first years to bugger off so you could have their seat in the common room…”

He laughed as she raised a brow at him and took off her cloak.

“Think you might change your mind eventually and decide it wouldn’t be so bad to have a baby?” she asked, in an oddly quiet voice.

She was rather fiercely avoiding looking at him, but he could see how red her cheeks had gone from her profile.

“What’re you on about? I want kids.”

She turned to study him, closely.

“We’ve never properly talked about it. Do you really?”

He scratched his stubbly cheek and shrugged.

“Yeah, I didn’t think about it when I was bloody seventeen, but now, with you…”

Was he imagining things, or had her breathing gone slightly uneven?

“Well,” she said, hands suddenly shaking, “that’s good, because I’m pregnant.”

He clearly hadn’t heard her right, but she looked terrified, and his heart was beating too fast.

“Say that again.”

“You heard me.”

He sat the rest of the way up, bringing their faces quite close together, and he stared at her, eyes wide. She really was. Shock made way for a tiny bit of growing excitement, mixed pretty heavily with love.

“Cool,” he said, smiling.

“Seriously?!” She huffed and glared at him. “That’s all you have to say?”

“I mean… what else is there to say?”

“I don’t know! I thought we were being so careful, but then I think it was that bloody weekend when you came back after a fortnight, and we stayed in Edinburgh-”

“-and didn’t leave that Muggle hotel the whole time?”

A tiny squeak of a breath slipped out between her parted lips.

“It was raining. A lot.”

“Yeah, that was my reason, too…” he said, sarcastically, still smiling at her.

“You really think we can do this?” she asked, trembling.

“Yeah! Why the hell not?” But he knew she’d have a list of reasons prepared.

“We’ve planned literally nothing,” she began, as predicted, “we don’t even have an extra room at our flat, we aren’t married yet…”

“Who cares? We’ve been together seven years, your parents weren’t married when you were born, and my mum already introduces you as my wife…” He repressed a chuckle at her raised eyebrows.

“Okay…” she started, slowly, and he was pleased that he’d managed to shave off a visible layer of stress as she scooted closer to him and absentmindedly ran her fingers up and down his forearm. “But, what about work? We’ve both been so busy, and I’ve got a million reports to do this summer, not to mention that project they set me for the Department of Mysteries…”

“Would you trust me to do all the planning shite while you’re working?” he asked.

“You don’t have to-”

“Yeah, I know, but I will. I don’t mind.”

“George needs you for the Wheezes when you have a weekend off, and I’d feel terrible taking you away from that…”

“No way. He’s gonna be happy to be an uncle, again. He’ll give me time off… or, I’ll just go ahead and quit the Aurors now instead of waiting til next year.”

She stared at him for a long, silent moment.

“What?!”

“Yeah, didn’t I tell you?” he teased. “I was planning to chuck this job once we got married.”

She shook her head slowly, and he shrugged.

“We’re both absolute rubbish at delivering news,” she laughed.

“I really was gonna talk to you about it soon,” he said, more seriously. “I’ve been wanting to leave for a while now, but I’d never do it unless you said it was a good idea.”

“It’s a good idea.”

She grinned and leaned in to kiss him, softly, but he was too late to suppress a wince as her mouth put pressure on his swollen lip.

“Sorry!” she shouted, jolting back away from him.

He shook his head and wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Come here,” he mumbled, tugging her gently, and she crawled up to lie on her side, resting her head on his shoulder. He moved the tips of his fingers up and down her back, growing impatient again to get the hell out of St Mungo’s and take her home.

“I trust you, for the record,” she sniffed. “To plan everything, I mean.”

But before he could respond, the door opened and Harry walked in, his hand bandaged but otherwise looking alright.

“Lucky git!” Ron complained. “They’re letting you go?”

“Yeah, well, they said I could tell you the same,” Harry said, “provided you take these.”

He held up a paper bag and shook it. It was evidently full of potions Ron would have to continue, from home.

“Beats lying around here for another six hours. Ready?” He squeezed Hermione and she nodded against his shoulder before she sat up. “Oh, should we tell him?”

Hermione eyed Ron, nervously, but he gave her a casual half-smile, and she chewed her bottom lip.

“Tell him what?” Harry asked, impatiently.

“Hermione?” Ron prodded.

“Oh, go on.” She swung her legs out of his bed and bent to put her shoes back on.

“Congratulations, you’re gonna be an uncle… again,” Ron said, but then he paused to contemplate. “And probably a godfather again, too, you reckon, Hermione?” He glanced back to Harry. “We didn’t get around to talking about that bit yet.”

Harry blinked at them as Hermione stood up and helped Ron out of bed. Standing with an arm around her shoulders, he watched realisation dawn across Harry’s face.

“You’re not fucking with me?”

“Nah,” Ron laughed, “that’d be a stupid joke.”

“Wow.”

Harry ran a hand awkwardly through his hair.

“That's… yeah,” he grinned. “That’s great! Ginny’ll be thrilled. Should I tell her?”

“I should probably be there for that,” Hermione smiled, “and Ron, too-” she paused to narrow her eyes up at him, “-if he can hold it in for long enough to wait for us all to be in the same room.”

“Sorry,” he grinned, brushing his lips against her temple and ignoring the pain from his injury.

When he looked up again, Harry was extending his arms to wrap around them both, and Ron leaned in, patting Harry on the back with his free hand.

“George’ll start his wagers the day we tell him the news. We should have a meeting beforehand to plan our strategy,” Ron grinned, as the other two laughed.

George had started a pool on Harry and Ginny’s son, from the moment he was announced, which included everything from hair colour to personality traits and even O.W.L. scores, not that he was getting at all ahead of himself.

“Right,” Harry agreed, smiling, as he let go of Hermione and Ron. “We should get in on the ground, betting on frizzy ginger hair and perfect marks.”

“Oh, God, I hope I don’t pass my hair along-”

“I sure do,” Ron cut in. “Maybe leave off the ginger bit.”

“That’s the best part!”

“Right. But she’s gotta be a genius, and play Quidditch, and love sweets.”

“She?” Harry and Hermione asked in unison.

“Whatever,” he shrugged, feeling more than a little excited now.

[spamzineglasgow]

(HOT TAKE) Quarantine Phenomenology: The Curious Case of Daddy Conte, by Denise Bonetti

‘Teenage by design’? SPAM founder and editor-in-chief Denise Bonetti, tapping into her Italian roots, takes us on a whirlwind journey around the lustful theme park that is meme space in the time of quarantine. For many, especially those who aren’t on the frontline as key workers, self-isolation is thrusting us back into a rude adolescence. Having exhausted our usual channels of recursive entertainment, where better to look than to the political (yes, wybi?!) heroes of meatspace to fantasise the intimacies and reassurances we’re otherwise deprived of. 

(CW: sexually explicit references)

> Comedian Dan Sebree tweeted that this whole quarantine situation is the closest any of us millennials will get to retirement. The joke is funny because it’s most likely true: the idea of people in my age bracket (mid-20s to mid-30s) ever retiring seems like a fairytale we tell ourselves to keep our boomer parents happy, something we play along to because frankly it’s easier than sharing the extent of our doubts in the future. (Find someone in their 20s who can say ‘when we all retire’ without a shred of irony).

> Sebree is right, most of us are playing retirees now. 80% of your salary to repot your plants, make sourdough, and fend off waves of existential dread here and there: not too shabby - if you used to have a stable job, that is. Things obviously aren’t so chill for quite literally everyone else: NHS workers, shopkeepers, supermarket employees, people on zero-hour contracts (which make up around 9% of all the UK workforce under 25), gig economy workers, freelancers by choice, people whose employers can’t be bothered putting them on payroll, and have therefore decided for them that they’ll have to be freelancers - the list goes on. 

> Yet beyond the retirement vibes, there is a stage of life that seems even more appropriate to represent the mood that this pandemic isolation has been creating. We are feeling manic and depressive, anxious and idyllic, bored and obsessive; we have been dying our hair and we’re allowing social media challenges and email chains to make a comeback ( ���). We’re raging that we’re being told how & when we can go out, and we want to see our friends like our life depended on it. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but we’ve all gone back to being teenagers. (For some of us, the transformation is even more literal: everyone who’s had to move back to their parents tag yourselves.)

> In ‘Glitching the Collective Mind’ a three-part essay published on SPAM a few months ago, Dan Power noted how ‘spending too long online (or rather, too long outside of the real world)’ can easily give way to ‘feelings of melancholic or manic absurdity’ by way of ‘saturating the mind’ with the infinite possibilities of content. In the same essay, Power reflects on the nature of the virtual space this content is localised in, what Grafton Tanner has called the ‘virtual plaza’: a non-place through which ‘we drift and consume, lulled by the saccharine tones of muzak’. Power argues that what the ‘non-local’, ‘homogenized’ structure of the virtual plaza takes away is precisely that something around which the occupants can build a sense of identity: ‘When the features which distinguish one place from another are removed, stable sense of belonging and understanding are removed with them’. 

> Although Power could not have predicted this current weirdness, I am interested in his linking the internet’s hypertrophic, endless-scroll format, eradicated from any sense of place as we know it, to its capacity both to strip us of our identity, and to reduce us to a melancholic, manic mess - a passive, wide-awake anonymous content-consumer, lying in bed between waves of anxiety. A teenager who is grappling with their identity because they’re not quite sure where their emotions are coming from - literally and metaphorically.

> Critic Amanda Hess has recently written in The New York Times about the comfort of playing childhood video games during the lockdown. ‘It’s not so much that I miss my childhood’, she writes as she becomes re-obsessed with her 11-year-old self’s favourite game, Myst, ‘as that I feel seized by it’. And I, currently taking a break from a 12-hour The Sims 2 Bon Voyage build-mode marathon to write this, can only confirm such claims. 

> I’m sure the fact that we gravitate towards this simple kind of pastime has a lot to do with the fact that no one can be arsed engaging with highbrow content during such traumatic times. (Let me take a break from following the dead count on BBC News by watching Battleship Potemkin, said no one ever.) However it’s not only that we’re drawn to accessible content, it’s that we are drawn exactly to the kind of activities that our teenage selves used to be into. (Otherwise, explain why The Sims 2 is having a resurgence - sixteen years after its release [!], and not either of its two successors.)

> If nostalgia is generally understood as originating more in the disappointments of reality than in the draw of the object of nostalgia itself, then the grimness of the pandemic is also to blame for the current millennial vintage trends. As Hess observed elsewhere, the quarantine has forced us into lockdown with the very devices designed to amplify our obsessions, cranking up that very fixative impulse that makes adolescence the curse and blessing that we all know.

> In Italy, where the full lockdown has been going on for over 5 weeks now, the signs of this 30-going-13 epidemic are in full swing. Everybody knows about Italians competing with each other on who can sing the cringiest medley of 00s songs from their balconies. But there’s something even more beautiful that the Italians are doing, and The Answer May Shock You. Platonic love has infiltrated every corner of Italian social media, and the object, I tell you, is no one other the prime minister Giuseppe Conte.

> Just like teenage love, the obsession is platonic socially-distant just as much as it is carnal. ‘Giuseppe Conte’ has reportedly been amongst the most searched terms on Pornhub over the last few weeks. Spurred by sheer investigative rigour I decided to carry out further research on the platform, and can confirm that the PM-themed content abounds. The material itself varies from adorably chaste, SFW picture montages of the prime minister (‘ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER GIUSEPPE CONTE MAKE YOU CUM HARD’, as uploaded by user TheMinisterOfLove), to the literal hour-long speeches that the PM has delivered to the senate, to more visually explicit heart-reacts to the government’s directives (‘HUGE CUMSHOT WHILE LISTENING DADDY GIUSEPPE CONTE’). 

> Pornography aside, the memes have taken over the Italian gram and Twitter. It all started when influencer and entrepreneur Chiara Ferragni regrammed to her 19.5m followers a post by the Instagram page @daddy.conte back in March, erroneously crediting it to @lebimbedigiuseppeconte (Giuseppe Conte’s Little Girls) - now two of the most popular hormone city pages dedicated to the PM. The content is genuinely too much and too good for me to present exhaustively, but I need to show you some favourites so you can get with the vibe (all from @daddy.conte):

[‘Italian daddy locks his girls home’]

[’From today, I declare your smile illegal’]

[’There’s a smile underneath that face mask’]

[’hey baby’ / ‘daddy come to me, my parents aren’t home’ / ‘WHAT’]

[’don’t you dare get close to my girls’]

[’who wants a goodnight story?’]

[’Hi gorgeous, if you’re reading this it’s because i’ve been trapped in a wormhole the only way for you to free me is to stay home until 4th April please do it there is no time i know you can save me baby’] [lol at how quickly this has aged]

>The spinoffs quickly proliferated, I’m talking dozens and dozens of pages devoted to the PM’s fatherly aura and classic good looks - most of them with not a huge amount of followers; a sort of decentralised, massively participatory network of adolescent erotic surplus. Some of these pages specialise in things like the PM’s smile or dimples (for the more faint of heart), inscribing the phenomenon in that Renaissance love lyric convention of praising the object of love’s beauty through a catalogue of their body parts. 

>A similar sexy/cute type veneration also seems to have developed radially around other Italian political figures such as President Sergio Mattarella, however predicated on a completely different set of desirable traits. Conte’s cult is all about a sort of sub/authoritarian kink power dynamic: ‘Dom daddy tell me what to do’. (Problematic? Potentially. However, wholesome? Absolutely). Mattarella’s cult is inevitably linked to the Italian President’s political function, that of protecting the Constitution, coordinating the three branches of government while heading none. A sort of hands-off grandaddy figure there to break up fights, if you will. Combined with his sweet mannerisms, the result is more of a GILF, sitting-together-on-the-porch kind of desirability, as hinted at by the following meme: (@lebimbedisergiomattarella)

> As a testament to this systematic linkage between quarantine and teenage emotional turmoil, the same dynamic of desire has also developed around political figures in the US. Foremost examples are New York Governor Andrew Cuomo (who we now think might have nipple piercings), and Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear - a ‘clean-cut sex symbol for the coronavirus age’ according to this Salon article explaining how ‘his calm and empathetic leadership’ (read: wholesome daddy energy) have thousands of thirsty people in self-isolation lust after him (via memes, of course).

> The ethos of memes in general is already teenage by design (hypertrophic, impulsive, obsessive, thriving on a sort of possessed desire towards repetition that I refuse to compare to masturbation). But there’s something special about the dreamy, sublimated, Platonic, cute-aggressive nature of these memes in particular that makes them the epitome not only of #quarantinevibes, but also of the virtual plaza’s mood, more broadly.  Quarantine has exposed and legitimised, exacerbated and normalised, the internet’s power to make us regress into horny, anxious blobs. And memes like these are the very crystallisation of that ambivalent process. 

> Analysis aside, we love a meme (always already), and we love a femme fandom moment. We stan the birth of a wholesome masculinity mythology for 2020. I can think of worse Internet Utopias. Now back 2 The Sims.

-

Text: Denise Bonetti

Lead Image credit: @onlyconte (Instagram)

Published: 17/4/20