#texting people like this is sooo scary i once asked a friend to start using emojis and punctuation so i knew she wasn’t mad at me JSHSAJAK

[lawrencegarte]

kim kitsuragi absolutely texts in that extremely boomer no emoji one word no punctuation fashion that makes it impossible to discern what he’s feeling at any given time, but the thing is that he knows he’s doing it. he does it on purpose.

[isagisyoichi]

PINKY STAR (RUN) :｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

SYNOPSIS: isagi as your boyfriend

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: isagi yoichi my boyfriend of many several years

WARNINGS: swearing? i think idk i forget also yah pretend they all go to the same school and stuff. also horribly self indulgent if u couldn't already tell

A/N: if you remember my old one delete it from your memory it was literally so bad help anyways the re-up because my boyfriend deserves better. also i really like this one and i feel like it’s more in character for him :P lol i've had this in my drafts for like, ever <3 but also my last post for a while because i have ap exams and my sat soon :P

FOR: the anon that asked me where my original isagi bf hcs went :’)

after the initial awkwardness of being in a new relationship fades and you two become comfortable with each other, a relationship with isagi would be like dating your slightly awkward best friend who you make out with sometimes.

like, i don’t really see isagi being high maintenance, so i feel like a relationship with him would definitely be on the relaxed side, but still romantic, you know?

isagi’s inner monologue is so funny and he definitely lets his thoughts out to you. it makes you laugh to see your usually friendly-to-all boyfriend have his moments, too.

you guys are one of those couples that give each other a look when someone’s doing something weird in public #telepathicconnection <3

but, isagi’s really such a sweetie with you. i know user isagisyoichi may be slightly biased when they say this, but believe me when i say that isagi’s 100% boyfriend material.

walks you to class whenever he can. always either holding your hand as he listens attentively to you complaining about school.

writes down things he feels are important about you in a digital note entitled “y/n 💗,” so he can remember them in the future.

isagi's used to talking to all kinds of people, so even if you're not the most talkative, he can adjust with no problem.

and he’ll always entertain you about whatever stupid conversation you wanna have.

kinda basic with pet names. babe, baby, dork (he would, i don’t wanna hear it), are his usual rotation.

randomly compliments you/says these really romantic things out of nowhere because he can’t control himself and often blurts things out.

“yeah, of course, when we get married, i’ll-”

“when we get married?” you inquire as you cut isagi off. you two have never discussed marriage, just but the thought of isagi wanting to spend the rest of his life with you is enough to make your head spin.

isagi’s eyes go wide when he realizes what he’s said. damn his mouth that moves faster than his mind.

swallowing hard and taking a breath, isagi says, “y-yeah, when we get married,” further affirming his statement with a nod, albeit a bit of a nervous one.

now both of you guys are flustered LOL.

likes to sit his head in your lap and have you play with his hair, while you two talk or just sit in silence.

such a good listener, perfect person to rant about anything with. he’s very understanding, he’ll hold you if you need him to, wipe your tears if you’re crying, give you advice if you need it, just overall so sweet.

also always knows when you're sad because of his intuition. isagi encourages you to open up to him, but ultimately doesn’t force you, just lets you know that he’s always there for you <3

(that's kind of lie because isagi does pry a little LOL, but he means well)

takes care of you! nags you a little, tries his best to make sure you're not doing anything stupid, and if you are, that someone responsible (him) is watching you, looks after you when you’re sick, etc.

gives you his jacket when you’re cold (he’s been waiting to do that his whole life bro LMAOO), carries your things, always texts you good morning and good night, just overall sooo good to you.

but as soft as he is for you, isagi does have this tendency to get these random spouts of confidence, so sometimes he’ll say or do something really bold out of nowhere.

like, he’ll suddenly grab your waist and pull you closer to him, or he’ll kiss you out of the blue. the flustered expression that rests on your face for a change always makes him smirk *heart eyes*

in general, though, isagi's still kind of awkward sometimes regardless and does say or do things that make you go "???" and make him be like "why did i do that" LOL he's so cute though <333

he’s pretty basic with dates, usually opts for things like restaurants, walks in the parks, movie nights, or stuff like that, but they’re still really fun!

but, if you ever want to do something out of the norm, he wouldn't be opposed to it, either. but, you do have to tell him ‘cause he's not a mind reader lol.

(okay but, one time, isagi tried to watch a scary movie with you because he wanted to do that thing where he wraps his arm around you during the scary parts, but HE ended up being scared instead 😭)

isagi’s the type to put your name with a heart emoji or the date you guys started dating in his instagram bio LOL

y/n 💓 IHS Forward #10 ⚽️ *insert some soccer quote about grinding*

it’s a bit middle school, but you let it slide because you know he just wants to show you off <3

study sessions are normal between you two but, you guys always get bored or distracted halfway through and start watching youtube or something LOL.

it’s canon he’s a thigh man lol, so if he ever sees you wearing an oversized shirt, especially one of his, with shorts, isagi will literally short circuit in real life.

he keeps his hand on your thigh when you guys cuddle that day, tracing patterns on your skin, or just squeezing it every now and then.

in general, though, isagi likes poking at and playing with them whenever they're out <3

once, isagi wanted you to do that trend on tiktok where he sits between your thighs and stuff, but he had no idea how to bring it up LOL

so, isagi just watched tiktoks of it in front of you and hoped eventually you would get the hint 🙄

and you did, thanks to his incredible lack of subtly. he doesn’t even care when you giggle and tell him how bad he is at being slick, isagi got your thighs around him, he won!!!!!!

takes a picture (or two or three) to savor the moment.

(even though he could literally just ask you to do it again in the future, but whatever, i guess)

when you’re dating isagi, the team comes with him too LOL

they’re always snapchatting you pictures of isagi when they’re hanging out without you, with stupid captions like, “look how sad your boyfriend is without you 😞”

isagi’s not even sad in the picture, he’s just confused as to why they’re shoving a camera in his face 😭

isagi one hundred percent attempts to get you to run the mile with him during gym if you don’t already.

“babe, just try!” isagi pants, as he catches up to you and your friends, as you guys are still on your second lap.

admittedly, the effort is cute, but beloved, i hate to break it to you- i will not be doing anything of the sort.

he will sit down or walk around with you after you finish the mile, though. if he’s not already playing soccer lollll.

when he does choose to go with you, expect exclamations from the team about how isagi “abandoned us for his little relationship” 👎

isagi’s receiving love language is words of affirmation (also basically canon LOL) so, he really values the compliments you give him with his whole heart.

you could tell him how his hair looks nice in the morning, and isagi will think about it all day.

whether it be about how cute he is, or how talented of a player he is, isagi really is happiest when you praise him <3

speaking of soccer, isagi has this tendency to get lost in the moment and talk your head off about some soccer related tangent that probably makes no sense to you.

his eyes light up and his voice is just oozing with passion for what he does as he goes into detail about how he made this crazy goal at practice while you stare at him with the biggest heart eyes ever, adoring his dedication.

and of course when isagi realizes he was rambling, he apologizes profusely for “boring” you, like the gentleman he is.

but when you reassure him that he could never bore you and that you want nothing more than for him to go on, isagi begins to feels lightheaded due to his adoration for you <3

if you're the type to go all out when it supporting isagi at soccer- like make one of those corny signs, yell from the crowd, wear his spare jersey to games, isagi will physically have to withhold his heart from jumping out his chest.

he's a little embarrassed that you're doing all that for him, but the effort means soooo much to him.

and speaking of soccer, it would mean a lot to isagi if you not only supported him at games and stuff, but expressed an interest in learning more about soccer as a whole, too.

you know, learn a little more about the game on your own accord, ask him to teach you how to properly play, or even challenge him to a one on one, do stuff like that, and he’ll literally be head over heels for you. well, more than he already is.

(he always goes easy on you on your guys 1v1's and he thinks your efforts are adorable, no matter how much you may or may not suck)

he'd repay the effort and try to get interested in whatever your hobbies are!

also, you can get him to do almost anything if you pout and beg hard enough, you’re literally so hard to say no to in isagi’s eyes <3

isagi’s the type to not realize when other people are flirting with him LOL

he just thinks they’re being nice (unless they’re being straight up) and i don’t think he would really process it because he’s so focused on you romantically, if that makes sense.

once he realizes you’re jealous, isagi apologizes earnestly, reassuring you over and over again that you're everything he could ask for and that he would never intentionally try to hurt you and all that jazz.

although, i will admit, sometimes isagi’s kinda smug when you're jealous, especially when it’s over a dumb reason 👎

however, when he’s jealous i feel like it could go one of two ways-

on normal days, isagi would just stand there to “intimidate” the other person, maybe cough a little for emphasis until they go away lol.

but on days where he’s already mad/filled with adrenaline/or someone’s really not taking a hint and you’re visibly uncomfortable- oh boy, it’s like a switch flips in him.

has those same fiery eyes he has during the climax of a game. the energy he’s exuding is dead serious, and that alone is enough for the person bothering you to go away. not bad for a man that’s only 5’8 🥰

adding on, isagi doesn’t take any shit about you, ever. even if it’s from his friends. usually isagi’s very neutral and doesn’t actively try to start conflict, but there are some things he’ll always defend and you’re one of them.

isagi always listens/watches/reads/etc whatever you recommend him (on that note, please recommend him good anime because isagi’s out here willingly telling people his favorite anime is darling in the franxx), even if he doesn’t necessarily like it LOL

you could show isagi objectively, the worst song ever and he would be like “yeah, it was good babe!” (it was not)

also does the same thing when you bring him shopping with you, like he's absolutely NO HELP 😭

you could try on the ugliest sweater known to man and he’d like “you look nice 🙂” pls be honest isagi, you can say it’s hideous!!!!!!

but isagi’s also being somewhat truthful in his statement because he does genuinely think you look nice in everything <3

also loves when you wear his clothes- always feels a mixture between pride and slight shyness?

kinda lol idk but overall, isagi really is sooo happy you wanna show him off that much, especially when you're wearing something of his around his friends :')

he says “i love you” first, no doubt.

he’s a bit nervous when he does because he doesn’t know if you’ll reciprocate, but he really does love you and he feels like he physically can’t hold it in anymore.

“i promise you don’t have to say it back!” isagi reassures anxiously. “i know it’s a really big commitment, and if it’s too early for you right now-”

“i love you, too.”

[smut4bangtan]

Genie's Home Service (Jimin, One Night Only Anthology)

...GIRL. Once again, I’ve got a new favorite. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! 😉

—

The cold breeze seeping in through the slightly open window made you shiver. The more time ticked away, the less your dinner looked appetizing. Still, though, you forced yourself to eat a few spoonfuls. You'd be needing energy later.

For the fifth time in two minutes, you checked your phone. There were two messages: one from your best friend Jian and the other from an unknown number. You clicked on Jian's message first.

[Jian: Sooo excited for you, girl!!! Just go with the flow and don't get too nervous. Trust him. He's a professional. Also, don't hesitate to contact me immediately if anything goes wrong, alright? Good luck and enjoy the night! 👻💦]

[You: Thanks, girl. Will you come home tonight?]

[Jian: No. I'll stay at my boyfriend's. Feel free to use every corner of the apartment except my room! Okay?]

[You: Got it. 😊]

[Jian: You're on your pills, correct?]

[You: Yes ma'am]

[Jian: Okay. Now stop texting and get ready!]

You checked the text from the unknown number next.

[*********: Good evening! This is Genie. I'm already here at the lobby. 😊 Wearing a dark blue shirt.]

Your heartbeat raced upon seeing the message. Even just the mention of his shirt color was already making you feel dizzy.

[You: Hi! I'll come down right away. 😊 Thanks!]

You recognized Genie as soon as you went down to the lobby. He was just sitting at the waiting area, using his phone. Aside from receiving his photos a few days ago, his sharp features and firm built made him naturally stand out from the others; picking him out from the crowd was not hard at all.

You walked towards him with light steps as if you didn't want to wake a wild animal up, but it was no use. Genie looked at you just as you were about to reach him. With a smile, he stood up. He must have recognized you with the photos that Jian sent. "Hey there."

"Genie, right?" You asked. He just nodded.

The two of you proceeded to the receptionist to record Genie's required information on the guest list. He listed his name as Park Jimin.

Is that your real name? You wanted to ask him, but you only mustered up the courage to actually do so when you rode the elevator.

"Is that your real name?" You asked. Genie just looked at you, puzzled. “Park Jimin, I mean. I peeked when you were writing. Sorry.”

Genie just chuckled. “Yeah, that’s my real name. And don’t apologize. That’s our little secret now.” He winked, making you catch your breath.

“Then, that’s what I’ll call you starting now.” You flashed a smile, hoping that it looked natural and definitely not nervous.

“Go ahead as you please.”

The two of you got off at the fourth floor and stopped at unit four hundred and seven. With sweaty hands, you stuck the key in the door knob and pushed it. In a while, I would be like this door knob. Filled in, you thought.

“Can I use the bathroom?” Jimin asked as he placed his black duffel bag on the sofa.

You nodded and pointed on the door beside the kitchen. “There.”

"Thanks!"

“I’ll be waiting in the bedroom with the yellow door.”

“It would be nice if you remove everything except your underwear.” You just looked at him upon hearing what he said. In return, he just smirked at you and proceeded to do his business.

Like what Jimin said, you took off everything except your bra and panty. You suddenly didn't like how your plain white bra looked, so you quickly threw it into the hamper and changed into a black underwire. Anxiety continuously grew upon seeing yourself in the body-sized mirror in front of the bed, but you didn’t think much about it and just trusted his words. He knows what he is doing, you reminded yourself.

You barely sat on the bed when Jimin entered the room. He was now wearing a plain black shirt and khaki shorts that almost looked like swimming trunks. Even though it was dim with only the lamp on, his bulge was clearly visible from where you were. His eyes scrutinized you from head to toe with an expression one would see at a predator looking at his prey. “So, shall we start?”

You just gave him a vulnerable smile and made room for him on the bed. Don't get too nervous, your head repeated in Jian's voice.

Jimin joined you on the bed with a mischievous smile. It was obvious that he's trying to hide his reaction but was incredibly failing. "I noticed that you're a little stiff. Would you mind if I massage you?"

"O-okay."

"Please lie on your stomach."

You did as Jimin said. He placed a bottle of massaging oil on your side table. Upon seeing that, you closed your eyes and let the situation sink in. What was about to happen didn't seem real. It's finally your turn to ride this scary and exciting roller coaster. Everything was unpredictable, and all you could do was enjoy the ride. Once it's finished, boom! You're a part of a whole new world. Nothing's the same again—for your body, at least.

"So, how did you become friends with Jian?" Jimin asked. His oily hands started to run freely through your back.

"University. You?"

"We're childhood friends."

"Oh, you must be very close then."

"We are. Jian's the type of friend anyone would want to have. She's just so accepting and open-minded even about my job."

"Mhmm."

He slowly slipped his hands under the clasp of your bra, making your breath tremble a little. "That's why when she opened up about you, I immediately agreed." You just chuckled, not knowing what to reply. For some reason, your cheeks heated up. It was definitely about what he said. "I heard from Jian that it's going to be your first time."

"Yeah," you replied.

This time, Jimin slipped his hands under the straps of your bra. Your nipples slightly hardened. You kept getting goosebumps every time it scratched against the bra cups

"May I ask why?"

"It's just that I think I've waited long enough. I'm not really confident about showing my body, especially when I was younger."

"Why? You're so beautiful. I was actually astounded a while ago. You look even better than your photos."

Your lips wanted to form a smile, but you stopped yourself. He's one of the best-looking people you have ever seen in your life too, and such a compliment from him means a lot. "Thanks," you just replied with a slight giggle.

Without a word, his hands once again slipped under the hook of your bra. "I can remove my bra if it's getting in the way," you said.

He was silent for a while but eventually replied, "got it."

When Jimin finally unclasped the hook, you pulled it from your chest and threw it on the floor. You were dead sure that he caught a glimpse of your breasts, including your hard, rosy nipples. He moved on to massage the sides of your breasts, as well as your underboob. Now, you felt your nipples reach to its hardest and biggest form. The touch of your sheets against them was slowly making you wet. "Haven't you tried to at least give a blowjob?"

"I have. A lot. But that was the farthest that I could go."

"Mhmm. How about using dating applications to set up one night stands? Why didn't you try?" He asked.

"I don't trust any of those men."

"So you trust me," he confirmed.

"Jian knows you. I trust her with everything."

You felt his nod. "Don't worry. I won't let you down." The two of you let out a giggle in unison with what he said. That was so cute of him, you thought.

"I'll proceed to your legs now." Jimin placed himself on top of you and started to massage your thighs all the way to your calfs. His rock-hard bulge was rubbing on your buttocks, making your stomach and breasts sweat. You felt your vagina release a huge amount of discharge. This made you feel a little nervous. What if he notices?

"You're so wet already, huh?" He teasingly said. Of course he would notice.

"You caught me."

Slowly, Jimin slid your panty off. He then went on to slide his hand from your asshole to your pussy. "Ah," you moaned with your hips slightly rising on its own.

"Can you sit down for me?" Wordlessly, you sat in front of him, legs apart. He took a glance at your bouncy breasts and pinkish pussy. "Beautiful."

You pointed at his shorts. "I want that out."

"Take it off for me, then," he said, kneeling in front of you.

Making sure his underwear was included, you gently pulled his shorts off, revealing his hard cock. It looked so angry and ready to fight. That's how you like it best. "Better," you said.

Jimin took the massaging oil and sprinkled a generous amount on your breasts. His hands ran from your chest to the stomach and pussy, spreading the oil all over your body. You let out a sigh as you tried to conceal the pleasure that was generating all over your body.

"Feels good?" He asked. You just nodded, looking him directly in the eyes.

He came back to your breasts and started to twist and pinch your nipples. You couldn't help but bite your lip and moan. "Fuck," you whispered, looking at the reflection of your breasts and Jimin's cock on the mirror. Your pussy throbbed so hard as it rushed to get more wet.

Jimin suddenly slid a hand down to your pussy and massaged your clit as soon as he touched it. Slowly, he bowed his head down to your breasts and started to lick your nipples.

"Just like that," you said, grabbing him by the thigh. "Oh, fuck. Please."

He gradually played faster with your clit, making your hips rise on its own and your discharge slowly drip from your pussy. "Yes, faster! Faster!" You yelled. In no time, his mouth was already sucking your breasts and he finally slid his middle finger inside you. "Mmm, yes, yes, yes!"

You stretched your vulva out as he slid his ring finger next. It hurt you for a short while, but it felt good as soon as he rocked his hand.

"Do you like that? Huh?" He asked, almost whispering under his breath.

"Mhmm," you replied, rocking your hips against his hand.

Jimin lifted his head to kiss you. Your tongues fought and your lips sucked each other. You could hear your discharge making a sound as he fingered you fast and deep.

"Oh, I think I'm going to squirt!" Before either of you could do anything about it, you already did. He slapped your pussy as your vagina uncontrollably let out everything you could. The squirting reached the lower part of the mirror.

Without a word, you took Jimin's cock and licked the head as you looked him in the eyes. Slowly, you stuck it in your mouth and sucked it like a lollipop. You made sure your tongue was on it, too. "Ah," he let out with his eyes closed. "You're good." He finally removed his shirt, revealing nothing but his bare body.

He placed his hand on your head and pushed it deeper. You then held his hips and pulled him closer. His cock has finally reached your throat. He slowly pulled your hair, making his juices flow down from your mouth.

Ultimately, he held your head and started to thrust in and out of your mouth. You sat there helplessly, getting facefucked. His cock was secreting so much discharge that you could already could swallow a great portion. "Fuck! I'm gonna cum!" He exclaimed, suddenly pulling himself out of your mouth. Discharge and saliva flowed out of your mouth once again. It looked like it could fill up a small perfume bottle.

You lathered your finger on the liquid and tasted it again. "Sweet."

"Pineapples, baby."

Jimin pushed you gently to the pillows and went right in front of you. As he was slowly inserting his cock inside your pussy, you stretched out your vulva once again. "This might hurt, but I'll be gentle."

"It's okay. You got me."

He finally inserted the head, and then the body—slowly. It started to feel a little sore, but you did your best to keep it in. He rocked his hips a little more, until his whole cock was already inside. The pain tinged a little greater than before, but it's manageable. "Does it hurt?"

"It's alright. Fuck me," you replied.

As Jimin started to push and pull himself in you, he played with your nipples to lessen the pain. The head of his cock could be felt sliding inside. It felt so good that it might be your new favorite feeling. When your vagina seemed to have adjusted well, he gradually improved the pace.

Jimin pulled you closer and sucked your breasts. You started to massage your clit, matching his phase. Your eyes rolled up in pleasure. "Ah!" you moaned every time he pushed himself inside you.

Suddenly, his cock slid out of your vagina. "Shit," he said, wiping the sweat on his temples with his palms.

You crawled on the other side of the bed and bent over, showing your vagina and asshole to him. "I've always wanted to try getting fucked doggystyle."

With a naughty expression, he slid his cock into you and rock his body hard against you. "My favorite position," he said.

You could feel his cock better with this position and for some reason, it felt more pleasurable. He was hitting the right spot every time he pushed his cock into you. "Deeper, faster," you commanded, so he did as you said with a slap on your butt cheek. "Ah, fuck. Yes!"

"Oh, I'm gonna cum," he said, suddenly pulling himself out. You immediately turned around and saw him masturbate. It was the hottest thing you've ever seen.

You leaned in and put your face in front of his cock. Just in time, his fresh, hot cum splattered all over your face.

He leaned on the headboard, panting hard. His legs were spread out, exposing his smooth asshole. "It's still hard. Do you wanna?"

You nodded. "I think I can squirt again." You sat on his cock, your back facing him. "Shit," you whispered as he filled you up again.

You bounced on top of him as you played with your nipples. You could see him watching you on the mirror with a smirk. Upon seeing that, you spread your legs wide so the two of you could see everything.

Jimin hugged you from behind and billowed his body against you. His hard cock was widening your vagina in the most pleasurable way. Meanwhile, his hand made its way to your clit. You pulled his head closer and kissed him on the lips. "Oh, God. Harder," you commanded in between the kiss. The two of you increased your pace.

Finally, you could feel that your pussy was almost full. "I'm cumming!" A big squirt came out of you as soon as you said that. "Ah!" You yelled, your hips shaking.

"Yes, yes," Jimin seconded as he slapped his cock on your vagina.

Your body dropped on top of him when you finally let everything out. Your back could feel his heart beat.

"You're so perfect," he whispered on your ear in between his panting.

"And so are you."

[julemmaes]

Hey, I really enjoy "Love her like she should be loved" and I was wondering if you'll update it soon? Like.. I've been looking at A03 page everyday waiting, no rush tho. Have a good day!

You’re Not Alone (3)

Cassian and Nesta Archeron modern au

A/N: I know yall always tell me not to be sorry, but I AM AND I CAN’T HELP IT. I’m sorry I made you wait sooo fucking long for this, but I’m kinda struggling with things rn and I really hate it so yeah, hope you can understand that.

Also, this didn’t went as good as I thought, but I took inspiration from what I think would go down with people I know in real life in a situation like this and I really hope it makes sense for you too. Enjoy!:)

part one, part two

Word count: 6,665

Nesta had responded to Feyre's message the next morning with a simple 'Okay, we can meet for dinner tonight.' and then invited the entire group to her house.

When she warned Cassian that he would have to go grocery shopping for everyone, he was shocked for a moment, looking at her carefully and trying to figure out if she was joking.

"Are you serious?" he asked her, taking a seat at the table and holding the cup of warm milk in his hands.

Nesta arched an eyebrow, throwing a glance over her shoulder, "What?"

Cassian had to tell himself to calm down, because the anger he had managed to repel all night was surfacing again. Not at Nesta, but at Rhysand, Morrigan. "I understand that you want to settle things with your sisters and..." he stammered, "and the others, but invite them here for dinner. Are you sure it won't end badly and that it won't contaminate this safe space?"

Nesta had stopped washing the dishes and although she had her back turned, he knew that her eyes were closed. Cassian stiffened, ready to stand up in case she needed physical comfort. The girl closed the faucet and turned towards him, taking a deep breath, "Tonight will not be easy," she announced.

Cassian nodded as he finished his breakfast and stood up, "I know it won't be easy, that's why I worry," he moved her from her position in front of the sink and put his cup in it, "If tonight goes poorly and you feel overwhelmed, you won't be able to go back to your house in a quiet and peaceful place and calm down." he took to washing the dishes for her, looking down at her face.

"I know, Cass." she passed her hand through her hair sighing, untangling it. She looked at him in turn, looking for confirmation, "But if I let them in here, maybe they will think that I'm really trying to apologize and that I want things to work out." she took one hand to her lips, biting the edge of her nail.

Cassian put the last cutlery in the dishwasher and took her wrist, taking her hand away from her mouth and bringing it to his, before leaving a kiss on her palm. Nesta smiled at him, but that happiness lasted only a few seconds because she grew grim, closing her eyes, "I'm afraid of messing everything up".

"I know, sweetheart." he whispered to her, "I'm afraid too."

She opened her eyes, frowning.

"I'm afraid that Rhys will be so blinded by hatred that he won't hear anything we say." he began, "I'm afraid that Mor will say things that - even if they are not true - will find a way to get under your skin."

Nesta leaned towards him, taking both hands to his chest, "I'm afraid that Elain will understand and that Feyre won't." she murmured, "I'm afraid that they will fight because of me. I'm terrified that this will affect Rhysand and Feyre's relationship more than I can imagine."

Cassian took a deep breath. He hadn't thought about that.

"Listen to me," he took her face in his hands, Nesta looked him straight in the eye, "both your sisters and my family are adults. We're not talking to children. We're talking to people who can think logically and who know what it means to be mentally ill."

She hesitated for a long moment and then nodded with conviction before shaking her head vehemently. She took a trembling breath and Cassian saw the moment Nesta's insecurities appeared on the surface when her eyes became lucid.

She slipped away from his touch, giving him her shoulders and leaning against the island. She was taking deep and quick breaths.

Cassian knew he didn't have to touch her when she was having an anxiety attack, but that didn't stop him from going near her and trying to calm her down. He spoke to her softly, but firmly, "I know it's scary Nesta. I know it's not easy, but you're not alone." he clenched his hands when her breath broke and the instinct to take her in his arms became overwhelming.

"You are not alone and whatever happens tonight we can stop. Whether it's when they arrive and they're still outside the door or it's halfway through dinner, you can get up and leave the room." she still had her eyes closed and a few tears were streaming down her cheeks. "You just have to look at me and I will understand Nes. I will send them away. You don't have to worry about that."

Nesta put a hand on her chest. "Breathe sweetheart. Focus on my voice."

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

"What if they all start to turn against me?" she asked in a voice so weak that it broke his heart.

Cassian tightened his jaw, knowing full well that this could be one of many options, "If they even dare to gang up on you, I'll take care of it. I'm not lying when I say that you are not alone."

Nesta held her breath, pressing the back of her hand over her cheeks. Then she nodded once and turned towards him. "I am not alone." she repeated like a prayer.

"You are not alone."

He held her in his arms when she threw herself at him and swung into her kitchen for another twenty minutes before they both had to leave to go to class.

During the morning Cassian had tried to concentrate as much as possible on what the teachers had explained, but as he could well imagine, there had been no way to follow a single lesson. Every single thought he had was focused on the dinner that would take place that evening.

Around lunchtime, Nesta had warned him that there would be six of them. Azriel and Amren would not be there.

He hadn't commented on this choice. After all, he knew that it would already be very complicated to talk to her sisters, with the fact that Morrigan and Rhysand would also be there. Cassian felt slightly relieved that they would not have to endure the enigmatic silence of his older brother and the mocking looks of his friend. He would have thought about it another day to set the record straight with the two of them.

He left campus at five o'clock and very slowly walked to his car. He arrived downtown half an hour later and sat in the supermarket parking lot for a long time, his hands tight around the steering wheel and his eyes fixed onto the void, too deep in his thoughts.

He would not have been able to hold back that night, if Rhysand had even tried to say anything negative or if he had tried to minimize Nesta's problems. He did not know if he would be able to stop if he crossed the line.

He ran his hand over his face, taking a deep breath and breaking that trance he had been in for what seemed like centuries.

Luckily he only had to buy a few things. He had almost finished - he was looking for olives for the Greek salad and couldn't find them in any of the aisles - when his phone rang. The ringtone was not the personalized one he used for Nesta and he didn't bother to answer it quickly.

He frowned when he saw that it was Mor, but brought the phone to his ear nonetheless, accepting the call, "Hello?".

"Where are you?"

Cassian looked around confused, "At the mall, why?"

"And are you with Nesta?"

"No, she's home."

He heard Mor mumbling something and then huffing, "Understood, well, couldn't you tell your sweetheart to open the door to the house for us?" she asked exasperated.

The blood froze in Cassian's veins, "Why are you already there?" he asked as he walked towards the cashiers, hurrying up shortly afterwards. He removed the phone from his ear, looking at the time, "Mor, it's half past six, why the hell are you already there?".

He heard his friend's indignation even through the phone, "Don't use that tone with me, I didn't show up here earlier out of spite-" she was interrupted by someone, presumably Rhysand, who warned her by saying her name. She huffed, "Nesta told us to come at this time."

Cassian cursed under his breath and hurried to put all the things on the tape, remaining silent while thinking which way would be the fastest to get to Nesta's house.

"Cassian?”

He passed the money to the cashier, waiting for the change before answering, "Yes, Mor, I'm still here".

"So?"

"Did you ring?" he asked, running towards the parking lot.

"Do you think we are brainless? Of course we rang the doorbell!" Cassian thought at that very moment that if Mor hadn't dropped the attitude by the time dinner arrived, he would have pulled her hair out one by one.

"I'll call you back in ten minutes," he told her, throwing the bags in the back seats and letting the food fall out.

"Ten minutes?" asked the blonde in a distraught tone, "I'm not going to wait that long just because that bitc-" movement was heard through the speaker and Cassian had to refrain from yelling at Morrigan. A few seconds later, he heard Feyre's voice, "No problem Cass, we're going for a drive around here and we'll be back in ten minutes, please text me when you're there."

Cassian thanked her, praying to every god on earth that others would be as forgiving as she was during dinner. He quickly typed in Nesta's number and drove out of the parking lot, focusing more on what he would want to say to Mor than on the street.

She didn't answer immediately and Cassian had to call her back twice, starting to worry that Nesta had changed her mind at last and that something serious had happened. When she answered on the fourth call, he released a relieved laugh.

"What is it Cass? I was taking a shower," she said irritated, "You interrupted the music eighty times," she mumbled annoyed.

Cassian put his hand over his mouth, "Hey baby, listen," he started, going straight to the point, "what time did you say everybody was coming?"

"At 7:30, why?" she asked and he could imagine her naked in the middle of the bathroom with a frown on her face.

"I think you wrote the message with the wrong time then. Mor called me and they are all there already. They buzzed a couple of times, you must not have heard them because of the music."

Silence.

"Nesta?"

"Fuck, no." she breathed through the microphone. "I can't let them up, tell them I'm not at home." she said in a hurry, "I can't be alone with them. I need you here while I do it. I need you here while I'm doing it."

"Calm down Nes, I already asked them to go for a ride. I'm in the car and I'm on my way."

"Are you driving?" she asked in the tone of one who seemed to have forgotten everything that had just happened. He didn't answer, knowing full well that he was going to kick his ass. "God, how many times have I told you not to talk on the phone while driving?"

"We're not having this conversation again." he snorted, turning right to take the highway, "Would you send a message to Feyre saying you made a mistake and the appointment was supposed to be in an hour?"

Nesta hesitated and then asked quietly, "Can't you do it?"

"You just yelled at me because I'm on the phone with you while behind the wheel and you want me to write a message?"

"You could pull over," she asked.

Cassian knew where all that anxiety was coming from and asking her to do something that would stress her even more on a day like this would be bad. He swelled her cheeks and released all the air and then nodded, "Alright, see you in ten."

"Pull over, though, don't text while you're driving."

"Yeah yeah, don't worry."

"I swear Cassian that if they call me from the hospital-"

"They won't," he reassured her, chuckling, "See you in a bit."

He put down the call with Nesta and called Feyre back, warning her that there had been a misunderstanding and that they would not be ready for at least another hour. The girl had reassured him that there were no problems, but despite Feyre's various attempts to mask Mor's offenses, Cassian had heard them anyway.

He arrived at Nesta's apartment in a very short time and as soon as he entered the house, she was all over him. The bags full of food fell from his hands when he had to hold Nesta to his chest to avoid falling backwards.

He breathed in her hair, rubbing his hands on her back in relaxing circles, "Hello beautiful".

"You haven't even looked me in the face yet," she murmured against his chest in a muffled voice. He snickered, "I don't need to see you to know that you are beautiful."

When they broke off to kiss Cassian felt that she was hesitant.

He put his hand on her cheek, "Are you sure you want to do this tonight?"

She closed her eyes, relishing in the moment, "Cassian, as much as I love you, tonight I need you to tell me that I'm ready and not give me a way out every time we talk."

He nodded, frowned and put on a fake tough-guy-expression, imitating the voice of his high school coach, "What are you hugging me for, woman? Tonight you have to be strong and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I should have let your sisters in and let the wolves eat you alive."

Nesta pushed him slightly, with a grimace on her face, "Stupid." she whispered.

He gave her a sincere smile, moving a lock of hair from her face, "What do you say you start cooking something so I can take a shower without the terror of you running away and as soon as I get out of here I help you finish?" he suggested, taking off his jacket and taking the groceries to the kitchen, Nesta just tailed him. She answered affirmatively and after leaving a kiss on her lips, he ran to the bathroom.

When he came out, washed and combed, it was quarter past seven and Nesta had set the table in the small living room. The Greek salad without olives was in the center, next to the keftedes she had prepared during the day. Cassian really did not know with what desire and spirit she had cooked all that good food for people who had always hated her.

He entered the kitchen when Nesta took the moussaka out of the oven, also result of her afternoon spent cooking and Cassian started to cut the bread and put it together with the various cheeses and cold cuts he had bought.

Nesta wasn't talking, but he saw it in the way she was jerking and looking around frantically that her nerves were about to explode. When the oven timer rang, Nesta almost screamed and Cassian had to stop what he was doing and went towards her, grabbing her by the shoulders, "Look at me."

Nesta looked at him immediately.

"Talk to me." he whispered to her.

She remained silent, so he gave her a hand in starting the conversation, "When are you going to tell them?"

"Tonight."

Cassian chuckled, "Obviously," she sighed, "I meant at what point. Before dinner, during, after?" he asked confidently so as to pass on some of that comfort. He also knew that, for her, having a plan of action, whether it was for dinner or a vacation, was very important and took away a lot of the anxiety that these things brought on her.

She straightened her shoulders, "I don't have the slightest idea, I thought doing it before, maybe with a glass of wine, would be better, but then I thought that if it goes wrong they will leave before we can eat and then we would have to eat Greek for days and not that I mind, but I don't think it's the best for our diet, you know. " she looked him dead in the eye while she was blathering on, clasping her hands around his forearms, "Then I thought about doing it during dinner, but if we start yelling at each other-" "They won't go that far, I promise you." "You don't know that. If we start yelling at each other and then someone chokes on the food, we risk one of us suffocating and dying. And I would like to avoid that." Cassian laughed at that point. Nesta looked at him very badly, "And afterwards, we might as well do it, but afterwards they are more likely to leave earlier, because maybe they think they'd done their part and had dinner with me, they apologize, I apologize and then they leave and I don't have time to explain myself."

Cassian raised an eyebrow, "So you want to do it first?"

"I don't want to eat Greek for a week, I've made so much that we could feed an army."

"During dinner seems the best moment honestly." he confessed to her, tearing her hands from his arms, taking the souvlaki and putting them in the oven. Nesta thanked him quietly. "I mean, we could approach the topic at any time, doing it between one piece of spanakotiropita and the other shouldn't be too complicated."

Nesta was about to answer when the doorbell rang and she froze on the spot.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit."

Cassian wanted to open the door and send everyone away, because Nesta had started moving in circles and was waving her hands mid-air. He had seen her anxious about a lot of things, but he knew that this would be a decisive point in her life and the idea of the change it would bring - whether positive or negative it would be - was overwhelming.

"Remember sweetheart, the second you want them to leave, you look at me, you wink at me and I'll let you escape." he reminded her, approaching the front door and pushing a button to open the gate of the building. They would be in the house in less than a minute.

Nesta was torturing her hands, but now she had a hard look on her face, "I'm scared shitless of Morrigan," she whispered. Cassian didn't have time to answer because someone knocked and he was forced to open the door.

Feyre gave him a wide smile that didn't reach her eyes and his gaze went from the two Archeron sisters to Rhysand.

He hadn't heard from him that day and hadn't seen him since the night before, when he had screamed at him.

He smiled at him in a strange way, but the younger one seemed to appreciate the gesture anyway because he gave him a lopsided smile in return.

"Hey Cass." Mor said in a tone that promised trouble, "Are you going to let us in, or are you having serious issues with welcoming people into your house too?"

His jaw hardened and Nesta appeared at his side, placing a hand on his arm. The blonde's eyes snapped to the spot where her hand was clutching the fabric of his shirt, "Sorry Morrigan, I didn't hear the doorbell before and I made a typo, I didn't think your life depended on the hour I made you lose. And I didn't think you'd be interested in coming here and watching me cook, I'll take that into account next time."

Mor nodded once, clutching her hands on the bag. The two women stared into each other's eyes for eternal moments, until Elain cleared her voice, "Hello Nes."

Things seemed to lighten up and when Cassian stepped aside, letting Rhysand and Mor in as the three sisters hugged, the group split up and the tension in the air seemed to get heavier.

Cassian had no idea how he should behave.

"This way." he pointed in the direction of the living room and when he turned to see if they were following him, Rhys handed him a bottle of wine, his lips reduced to a thin line and his shoulders tense.

"Here," he muttered, and Cassian was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't the only one struggling, "Nesta told us not to bring anything, but it looked bad."

"Oh, yes please, open it," said Mor on the other side of the living room, while analyzing the photos on the shelves. Photos of him and Nesta. Photos that his girlfriend had moved every time her sisters had visited in the last few months.

Cassian looked towards the entrance and saw that Nesta and the others were no longer there, they must have gone to the kitchen. He turned to his friend and she was looking over her shoulder at him, "We're going to need it so badly if she's going to keep that attitude all night long".

Rhys sighed, carrying a hand over his face, "Mor, drop it…"

Cassian raised his hand to stop him, without moving his eyes from the blonde, "No, please continue, that's why we are here."

Mor turned completely towards him, grinding her teeth, "I really don't understand how you can be in a relationship with her." Rhysand stiffened beside him, "Did you see how she replied to me before?" she asked, waving one hand towards the door.

"Oh for fuck's sake," whispered Cassian angrily, "you hadn't even entered the house and had already insulted both me and her. You are not the victim here so stop acting like a child and try to understand where all the resentment comes from."

Mor was about to answer, but Elain had just entered the living room and Rhysand had cleared his throat before he took his seat. Mor did the same thing, followed by Elain and Feyre. Cassian shook his head and headed into the kitchen.

Nesta was looking at the pans with the various foods inside, clenching and opening her fists, which made Cassian's chest tighten. He had gone into the room with the intention of telling her that he would not be able to hold back if Mor continued like that, to warn her that if he exploded, it would not be her fault, but now that he saw her so agitated all his attention had turned to her.

"How are you?" he asked her, putting his hand on the small of her back. He kissed her temple.

Nesta turned towards him, taking a deep breath and releasing all the air. She did it one more time. The third time, Cassian breathed with her.

She nodded and took one of the pans, he opened the bottle of wine, took a second pan and returned to the living room.

Elain and Mor sat at the head of the table and Rhysand and Feyre on one of the sides, leaving the seats in front of them free for Cassian and Nesta.

The woman of the house laid the food on the table, asking those present to pass her the plates and what and how much food they wanted. Cassian sat down and poured the wine to Mor, who sat next to him. She gave him a hard smile and thanked him. Then he turned to Feyre and she shook her head, "No, thank you, I would rather not drink tonight."

Elain chuckled, "Wise choice, you were a little out of it this morning."

Rhysand gave her a big smile, "One of the worst hangovers ever, actually."

Nesta stiffened to those words, looking at her younger sister, "Sorry, if I'd known you were sick, I'd have arranged for another night."

Feyre seemed appalled for a moment, but she blinked briefly and was quick to reassure her, "Oh no, don't worry. I've taken something for my headache, and I feel better."

They began to eat in silence and Cassian was too tense and worried not to glance at Mor to really taste the food or start a conversation, but Rhysand seemed to be particularly appreciative, because he was making satisfied noises, "Nesta, this is so good. What is it?" he looked at her face for a moment and Cassian was sure that he was blushing because he bent his head down and kept eating.

"It's moussaka." answered Elain, smiling.

Nesta seemed surprised, "It's a Greek dish, our father loved Greek cuisine and this is one of the recipes he did most often."

"Well, kudos." Rhysand told her, then he turned his glaring gaze to Feyre, "I'm pretty sure you could never cook something like that."

Feyre seemed more uncomfortable than the others, not because of what her boyfriend had said, more because of the situation in general, but she didn't miss an opportunity to brazenly reply, "As if you can do better than me. We both suck and without Elain or Azriel we would have been dead long ago. Probably both buried under boxes and boxes of take-away food."

Elain laughed and Nesta dared what seemed to be a smile.

They joked for a few more minutes and at one point Cassian had relaxed so much that he even managed to laugh at one of Rhysand's jokes. Morrigan seemed to be dead next to him, but he couldn't even look at her and felt her look burn on the skin of his neck.

When the appetizers were finished and the firsts were brushed off the table, the silence spread between the chairs and the tension in the air came back, without announcing its arrival, heavier than before.

"Excuse me," said Mor suddenly, when the silence became too much, she looked at Nesta, "The bathroom?"

Nesta looked at her in turn and Cassian really thought she would not answer her, but then she murmured, "Second door on the right." pointing to the corridor and he relaxed. Mor thanked her, nothing grateful in that tone.

Cassian shifted his gaze to his brother, but Rhysand had his eyes on Nesta. The man cleared his voice, drawing everyone's attention to himself, and narrowed his eyes, "I wanted to apologize, Nesta."

She stopped, placing the fork on the napkin and nodding once.

"I'm..." he coughed, embarrassed, shifting his gaze to Feyre and bringing it back to her immediately afterwards, "I'm sure Cassian told you what happened last night."

Nesta put her hands on her legs and Cassian took the opportunity to hold her hand. The movement did not go unnoticed by the two sisters, who exchanged a glance. "Yes, he told me what happened. Not in detail though."

Rhysand swallowed noisily, "I had no idea you were sick."

So he would have gone straight to the point.

Cassian settled down in the chair, squeezing his fingers around Nesta's.

"You never cared enough about me to ask, it's understandable that you didn't know," she replied, "You never really tried to get to know me."

His tone became harsher, "Considering how you behaved the first times we all went out together and how you always treated everyone in our group, you should not be surprised."

"Rhys." Feyre warned him. He looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"It's true," he said, turning to Nesta, "You've never given me a chance to really get to know you over the years."

Cassian could see how Nesta's walls were coming up faster than ever. The threat now so concrete that even a gust of wind could have knocked them down and made them weak.

"That's because you never tried to understand my motives, but you stopped at the description that my sister probably gave you." Nesta replied, in an equally harsh tone.

Elain seemed to whimper at the head of the table and cast a worried look at Cassian. He told her silently without speaking that they would not intervene.

Feyre leaned forward, her hands intertwined in front of her on the table, "But Nesta, you must understand that you have never really behaved well with me. You've always treated me as if I were worth nothing."

"I never thought that, and I certainly never said that. I think you are one of the most wonderful people in the world and an equally good artist." then she turned to Elain, "The same goes for you."

"And why did you treat me like that all those years after dad died?" insisted Feyre.

A door at the end of the corridor closed, and a few seconds later Mor appeared, sitting with her back upright, sensing the air.

"Because you weren't the only one to lose your parents, Feyre," said Nesta. By now her eyes had become ice. Elain gasped at those words and reached out to her older sister, but she remained hanging mid-air. "You may not remember our mother, but I do. I lost her and I lost dad on the same day," she said, gritting her teeth. "Just because we reacted differently to the mourning doesn't mean I was okay and capable of taking care of you."

Feyre caught her breath and Nesta resumed, "When dad died, there was nothing of the man I had known for half my life, but the loss was double."

"I never knew..." whispered Elain.

Nesta turned to her, "I never wanted to put this burden on you. I could have handled it on my own. Just as I was sure that you too could have done just fine without me," she whispered, "And so it turned out."

Cassian stroked the palm of her hand.

"I'm sorry for giving you the impression that I didn't care about you, for making you believe that you are not a vital part of my life, but I was young and full of anger and rather than dump everything on you I preferred to keep it all inside and maybe I did more damage than good, but my intention was never to hurt you, Feyre, or Elain," said Nesta, with gleaming eyes.

Mor snorted, "You know, people normally go to therapy for these things."

Cassian took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

Nesta tilted her head to the side, looking at the blonde, "I've been in therapy for months now."

Elain brought a hand to her mouth, looking at Cassian, "You didn't tell us."

He had to clear his voice before he spoke, "It wasn't my place."

Feyre looked at him with her mouth slightly wide open. Rhysand had a thoughtful expression, but he too was staring at his brother.

"And I'd really like to know what your real problem is with me. Because I really can't understand what I've done to you," Nesta asked, looking sincerely confused.

Mor looked at Cassian, looked at his plate, "I don't think you are enough for him."

Cassian couldn't stand it any longer and pulling his hand away from Nesta's grip he turned his whole body to the blonde, "And why should that be any of your business?

Mor gave him a fiery look, "Because I'm your friend and I want what's best for you," she clarified, pointing to Rhysand and Feyre with a painted finger, "When the two of them got together, Feyre was friendly, sociable and never offended anyone in the group-"

"When has Nesta ever directly offended one of you?" Cassian asked exasperatedly, raising his arms to the sky. The girl remained silent, shifting her gaze between the two lovers. Cassian scoffed, "You can't even find an example. God, you're ridiculous." he ran a hand through his hair.

"Ridiculous?" cried Mor, "I'm not the one who has been hiding her relationship for months from her whole family out of fear."

Cassian stood up, raising his voice, "And don't you think that fear is because of the way you are reacting now that I would have preferred to keep it hidden for a longer period of time?!"

Mor was also standing now, "If you had told me before-"

"No!" he shouted, "No! Nothing would have changed. And it's not because you believe that Nesta is a bitch, no! It's because you're always so busy involving everyone in your going-outs and your parties and your bullshit that you don't realize that some people don't like these kinds of pastimes!" he was talking so loud that a vein popped in his neck, "Sometimes I just want to stay home and sleep, but with you it's impossible! Because you always have to force everyone. And now you've finally found someone to stand up to you and say no and you can't stand it."

Mor seemed to be shaking with anger, "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't?" Cassian asked laughing, no trace of amusement in the sound, "Have you ever let Azriel decide whether to stay home or not? Have any of us ever said no to you?"

Mor shook her head, not to answer, but shocked by the turn the conversation had taken, "And why do you think so?"

"Cassian, maybe you should sit and drink some water and calm down," Rhysand suggested, looking him in the eye. He didn't even bother to let him know that he had heard it.

"Nesta doesn't bitch to you and avoid you because she's a bad person, but because talking to you means accepting that you have a busy schedule that you don't want to have for the next two months and instead of saying no every time she prefers not to have connections at all" he concluded sighing and throwing himself in the chair.

Nesta rubbed a hand on his back and he closed his eyes.

Fuck.

He had spoken for her.

He shouldn't have.

They remained silent for a few seconds.

"Mor, I," Cassian resumed, in a much calmer and lower tone than before, "I didn't mean all those things, I'm just angry right now and I exaggerated."

"No, don't worry, I understand what you mean." whispered Mor, passing one hand over her shiny eyes, "I'll try not to invite you anymore when I want to cheer someone up."

Fuck.

Cassian knew very well that Morrigan's festive and witty attitude was the reason why they were all so close. All the adventures, all the laughter and the memories... they owed it to her.

"That's not-" he cursed, looking into her eyes, "I'm just trying to say that you don't have compatible personalities, but just because you like to have fun in a different way doesn't mean that Nesta isn't worthy of me or that she's a bad person just because she never went dancing with you."

Morrigan didn't answer, he stood in front of everyone and, surprising everyone, it was Nesta who resumed the conversation, "I've been really bad in the last few months, Mor."

The blonde sat back down, hands in her lap.

"I've been sick and the only person I had next to me was Cassian. I got to know him in these months, I found out what a great person he is and how much he is willing to give for those he loves," she looked at her sisters and Rhysand, back to Mor, "So I understand you perfectly right now. I understand that you're scared and you think that sooner or later I'm going to do something wrong and hurt him, but even if I do, I can assure you that the person I'm going to hurt the most is going to be me."

Cassian looked at her and the tip of his nose started to pinch. He bit his lip. He would not cry.

"I'm working hard to be a version of myself that doesn't scare me and that my sisters can recognize and I can't blame you if you don't know me, because I don't know myself either." she also turned to Rhysand, to whom she had just told practically the opposite.

"Cassian is my lifeline right now and I am willing to let my guard down for you if you are willing to respect my boundaries." she murmured, "I know this doesn't fix things and that your idea of me is still very confused, but I am really willing to give you some of my time to patch things up."

Feyre sniffed, reaching over the table towards Nesta, "Please forgive me."

Nesta smiled genuinely, "I'm sorry too, Feyre."

The younger sister got up from her chair and went around the table, surprising Cassian when she bent over Nesta to hug her. Elain smiled at her from where she sat and stood up a moment later, joining in the embrace.

"To-" Nesta resumed when Feyre and Elain broke away, "To explain a little bit why I act the way I do. I have problems, serious problems interacting with people," she murmured, picking at her nails, "Sometimes I do things I don't want to do just to regret it right away and I know it's no excuse for all the times I've been grumpy, but that's why it happens."

Rhysand cleared his throat for the ninth time, "I've been in therapy too. For several years," he confessed.

Cassian gave him a grateful smile.

"So, I know you have Cassian, and I'm sure your therapist is more than qualified for this kind of thing, but if you ever need another set of ears, you could..." he backed off, thinking maybe he was crossing one of those boundaries Nesta had just talked about, "I mean, if you need something, you can always ask."

"Same thing." Elain added, approaching her, "I may not understand half of it, but I want to be there if you let me."

Nesta nodded, more serious than ever. "Thank you."

Cassian came forward, "Thank you for talking to us sweetheart."

Mor got up in a flash, "Thank you Nesta. Cassian." she turned to the others. The look lost in the air as she gathered her things, "It was a pleasure, and the food was great."

"Mor..." Cassian stood up, "Wait."

His friend turned to him, clenching her fists, "I think I need some time. These are not things that are quickly assimilated," she told him with all the sincerity of the world.

"I understand that and I don't take it personally Morrigan. I can't assure you I'll be pleasant, but if you have any questions I'll try to answer them." Nesta intercepted, before Cassian could make the situation he had already created with the blonde worse.

Rhysand had got up and stood next to his cousin, "Do you want me to drive you home?"

She shook her head and her eyes became shiny. For Cassian it was like receiving a punch in the chest.

Feyre took a deep breath, "Actually I think we should all go." she murmured, "It's been a heavy conversation and I've learned a lot tonight and I think I need a seven-day nap before I can even have a conversation about art again."

That joke got a light laugh out of the whole group.

"You don't need to come with me, I can go by myself." worried Mor, shaking her head when Elain got up and started to get dressed.

Feyre shook her head in turn, "I repeat, I think I'm going to faint and I really need a few moments alone to think about everything too."

Rhysand put his arm around her waist and squeezed her.

Cassian bid his brother goodnight, hugging him and thanking him from the bottom of his heart for coming and listening without creating too many problems.

As soon as everyone was out of the apartment, Nesta burst into tears and Cassian said nothing as he held her to his chest, stroking her hair.

They hadn't gone into details and maybe they weren't on the same page yet, but they would have worked to get there.

It was a start.

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[calm-and-wine]

Down the Line

Sooo..... I wrote a thing for @1dffchallenges but since the challenge is not happening anymore, I’ve decided to share it here. It is the first piece of writing I’m sharing with anyone, so please, if you have any feedback, I’d love to hear it!

It’s a Niall one-shot, quite sweet and fluffy, so if you’re in a mood for something cute, it might be the perfect read! And let’s be honest, we all need a bit of sunshine in our lives these days.

The biggest thank you to @verorax​ for being a wonderful beta and not only giving me feedback, but helping me correct any mistakes and overall making sure it sounds alright, thanks for your time, you’re the best, Rory!

Without further ado… here it is, hope you enjoy! ~~~

“Oh. That wasn’t supposed to happen,” was what Lucy thought right after waking up and feeling nothing but cold air on the other side of the bed. It was supposed to be filled with her snoring boyfriend. Niall practically never wakes up before her, unless he absolutely has to. But today he doesn’t, she’s sure about that. It's Wednesday, the only day when her training didn't start at unholy hours; at least that’s what Niall considers any time before noon. So it’s the day they’ve been spending their mornings together for the past month, since he’s been working on his new album and she was preparing for a new season. They usually spend those Wednesday mornings either staying in bed for as long as they could, or having breakfast, just the two of them and enjoying those little moments together. That’s how their relationship works after all, taking advantage of every minute they can spend in each other’s company.

She finally opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was a rose on the other pillow. There wasn’t a sign of Niall, but there was a flower and a little note in his place. She reached for the piece of paper with one hand while knuckling at her eyes to wake herself up.

Early meeting, forgot to tell you yesterday. Have a good day. N x

To be completely honest, she was really surprised he managed not to wake her up when he was leaving. Niall in the morning was usually the most clumsy person on earth, tripping over his own feet and letting out a curse every other word. She put down the note and got her phone from the nightstand sending a quick text to Niall.

it’s no fun waking up without you :(

She scrolled through her social media for a bit, waiting for his reply, but when it didn’t come in the next five minutes she put her phone down, stretched her limbs a bit and got up. Because she had quite a bit of time before she had to actually get ready and leave the house, she grabbed Niall’s sweater that was lying folded on the chair and went downstairs. It was scary sometimes how homely she felt in Niall’s house. They weren’t living together, she had a flat in the other part of London that she shared with her cousin, Mia, but the truth was she spent most of her time in London right here. Niall asked her to move in with him once, however that was over a year ago and she wasn’t ready back then. She loved him, she’s been crazy about this boy from the very beginning, but living with someone was a big deal for her, and yes, even back then she kept some stuff at his place and perhaps spent more nights in his bed than she should. But moving in was a different level of relationships and even though she was absolutely committed to Niall, she was not ready for that step. Not back then at least. Her phone buzzed in her hand when she was halfway down the stairs.

it’s no fun waking up early ;(  have a great day, love!

Niall had this easiness of making her smile with the tiniest things he did or said. It was a true gift and one of the million things she loved about him. She continued walking without responding to message in order to avoid disturbing him during the meeting. However, she stopped in the kitchen doorway, as her eyes landed on a bouquet of the most colorful flowers she has ever seen right at the centre of the kitchen island. And placed alongside it was a paper bag from her favourite bakery. When she stepped closer to smell the flowers, she saw a little envelope propped by the vase.

Wanted to get you coffee as well, but it would have been cold already. Sorry for missing our morning, will make it up to you later. Love you, see you at home. N xx

She was pretty sure her cheeks started burning. It was quite normal for Niall to drop a little note for her or bring her coffee or her favourite tea, but this was more than normal. And just the fact that he’s done all that bright and early in the morning was a bit out of character. She opened the bag and grabbed a croissant, biting into the delicious pastry and typing on her phone.

What’s with all the nice things? are you preparing me for some bad news?

Hahahaha no! just being nice and trying to make up for leaving you alone. sorry for being the best boyfriend in the world ;p

He really was, she couldn’t even imagine a better guy to share a life with. Of course, he wasn’t perfect, but somehow his imperfections might just be the things she adored the most. Like how he stole her tennis socks all the time, especially for his own workouts, because they were “softer and just way more comfy”, even though they are just normal sporty socks. But it’s okay, because sometimes she steals his cute colorful ones as well. She didn’t want perfect, she wanted real. And that’s what Niall was to his core, real and honest. He was an open book and that’s what he wanted from her as well. That was actually the cause of their first ever fight, back in the day. Because she wasn’t used to sharing her feelings and talking like that. It’s not that she had a huge problem with it, she just got used to keeping things for herself and bottling up most of her feelings. She led quite a lonely life; since she was a kid her life was spent on court and on the road - she went to school, but didn’t really have time to hang out with other kids. Of course there were other people around her age on tour, but tennis is a bit of a lonely sport and she was mostly surrounded by adults, people who worked with her and she never wanted to bother them. She was rather doubtful they would be interested in her teenage girl problems. And that’s just how it stayed. She had friends, but they weren’t that type of close friends that you feel comfortable sharing personal things with. Niall never pushed her to share something she wasn’t comfortable with, he simply showed her that it’s easier to work through things together and not carry a burden on your own shoulders. That’s just what he did, he taught her stuff, he changed the way she looked at a lot of things. Her life was not the same since Niall Horan came into it. But she was not going to boost his ego and tell him all that, so she just wrote back a quick “love you” and made herself some coffee.

~~~

Lucy hated pre-season with passion. It was the worst time of the year. And the fact that it started a few weeks before Christmas was just as cruel. Pre-season was the time where she had to work the hardest, it felt like training after training followed by even more training. And then when Christmas came around she felt guilty for eating even one thing that she shouldn’t. Wednesdays were a bit easier than the rest of the week, because she started later and had a shorter training routine. She had just finished her gym circuit, meaning it was time for lunch. She would then discuss the strategy on court, plan out her schedule for the upcoming season and work out ways she can improve her game. Following that she would go on court and have a proper practise, which is definitely her favourite part, and then another gym session, a quick one this time until she would finally be free.

She was on her way to the locker room, when Gabby, the receptionist at the sport centre that she trained at, called her out.

“There was a delivery for you literally two minutes ago.” She said giving her a take-out box with the logo of the restaurant where she usually had her lunch.

“Ummm thanks? But they don’t do delivery?” She knew that because she was always complaining about having to put her coat on and walk there all sweaty, which often caused her to catch a bit of a cold.

“I don’t know, love. This girl came in, said it’s for you, it was all paid for, so I just took it.” Gabby shrugged her shoulders.

“Ok, thank you.” Lucy smiled at the girl. Gabby was around her age, she’s been working at the centre for almost two years now and she was a pleasure to be around, always asking how the training was going on and even talking about some of the matches she played.

She had a feeling she knew exactly who got her lunch. She didn’t know who he asked to deliver this, but Niall was most often on the receiving end of her complains and apparently he actually listened to her whine. She was not even surprised by the nice things at this point, because she also found another bouquet of flowers in her locker when she arrived here. However, she had no idea why he was doing all of this today out of all the days. Sure, he never really needed an excuse to do nice things for her, but it was usually just one surprise, not one after the other like today. It wasn’t her birthday, it was not their anniversary… There were no more notes coming with the gifts, so she decided to text him.

Do you feel that bad for leaving me this morning? One bouquet of flowers would be enough, baby. Or am I forgetting of some special occasion?

Nope, just want to treat you well today. Enjoy your lunch and the rest of training! ;)

Yup, he was definitely up to something. He was not, however, going to tell her anything about it.

~~~

Coming home, Lucy was simply excited to see Niall. It maybe was a bit weird that ‘coming home’ meant Niall’s place. She didn’t live there, yet there wasn’t even a question of going to her own flat, it was just obvious between the two of them that that’s where they’ll see each other and spend their evening together. The last time she was at her flat was actually four days ago and she didn’t even spend the night there.

The light was on downstairs and there was no doubt her boyfriend was home. She barely made it inside and put her training bag down when he appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen. Lucy stopped dead in her tracks, one shoe still on her foot, looking at the guy before her with wide eyes.

Niall was wearing suit pants and a white shirt. It was not an outfit she saw him in very often. He wore nice pants and shirts quite a lot lately, especially to promo or concerts, but not like that. This was extra classy. Everything about it felt weird, he had a habit of changing into sweatpants right after going through the threshold.

“Hey” he gave her his signature wide smile that she loved so much and it all just left her a bit breathless.

“Hi” she said still eyeing him up and down. “Honestly, did I forget about some special occasion?”

He just looked at her and laughed. Then he shook his head slightly.

“I’ll tell you everything later. Right now you should go get ready for dinner. You’ve got” he looked at his watch “twenty minutes.”

Niall finally walked up to her to give her a welcoming kiss and a small hug. She wanted to grill him more, but she knew he wasn’t going to give her any answers. His eyes sparkled and the smile never left his lips. He nudged his head towards the stairs and with a sigh, she took her off shoes, put her jacket on the coat rack and headed upstairs.

She was even more surprised and just simply confused, when she found a dress carefully laid down on the bed. And it wasn’t just any dress. It was a lovely silver, sparkly, dress that she was eyeing up on the internet like two weeks ago. The only reason she didn’t buy it was because she didn’t really have anywhere to wear it to and she already had too many dresses, probably. 

She was ready to shout at Niall to come up and explain all those surprises and his weird behaviour, but decided against it. She was gonna humour him and just follow along.

She took a shower post her training, but put her hair in a bun right after, so it was a mess she needed to tend to if she wanted to look presentable. Twenty minutes wasn’t really a lot of time, so she slightly curled some of hair, closest to the face, put on makeup, got dressed and was almost ready.

“Lulu?” came a voice from downstairs, indicating her time was up.

“Baby, we’re gonna have to stop by my place cause I don’t have any heels here.” She said trudging down through the staircase.

Niall was waiting for her, standing at the foot of the stairs, already looking at her with shiny eyes. In his eyes, she could almost always see the adoration he had for her whenever he looked at her. And it never failed to warm her heart. She was pretty sure she looked at him with gooey eyes as well.

“You look… Wow. You’re so beautiful, love.”

Lucy felt her cheeks reddening at his words. “Thank you for the dress. I love it.”

“And I love you” he replied with a shit-eating grin, at which she just chuckled. There were some noises coming from the kitchen, but the door was shut close and when she looked at her boyfriend, he just shrugged. “Also, you don’t need heels, we’re not actually going anywhere, just staying here.” She was a bit confused at his words, but now that he mentioned her not needing shoes, she noticed he wasn’t wearing any either, just his usual colorful socks.

“Okay, you have to tell me what’s going on” she said, but it only earned her a laugh.

“I will, in a minute.” Niall grabbed her hand and lead her to the dining room. It was a simple room, most of the space was taken by a big table. It was a room that was very rarely used. Niall used it whenever his family was in town and sometimes when he had friends over and wanted to make it a bit more classy than just snacks and beer. They usually ate either in the kitchen or in the living room, where the tables were as well, just smaller ones. There were a few candles scattered all around the room, the lights were on, but they were dimmed, and there was another huge bouquet of flowers on the table. “I was gonna hand them to you, but had to put them in water earlier and just didn’t want to take them out all dripping. But they are for you, obviously.”

“They’re so beautiful, but that’s a third one today! That’s way too much, baby.” She even left one with Gabby at the sports centre to put it at the front desk.

Niall just shrugged with a bit of a bashful smile and pulled out a chair for her to sit in, then sat across from her. He then opened a bottle of wine that stood prepared on the table and pour them both a glass.

Lucy was a bit shocked, when a young man came into the room holding two plates with appetizers. He was put the plates before them without the word, being as quiet as possible. She looked uneasy at Niall, but he didn’t say anything until they were alone again.

“So… I guess I should explain” he chuckled. “I got a chef from one of your favourite restaurant to come and cook for us. I wanted to celebrate today, because it’s our anniversary.”

Lucy looked at him even more confused. “No, it’s not. Baby, our anniversary is in two months.”

Niall just shook his head with a smile. “Our relationship anniversary, yes. But this day, exactly three years ago, was the day we met.” He looked incredibly proud of himself, smug that he completely surprised her.

She remembers the day they met, of course she does. It was a sports’ gala, she was invited as a top 10 tennis player, and he was there because of his golf management. They met quite casually, at the bar, when he congratulated her on a successful season and she told him that she loved his music. After that they somehow spent half the night together, just talking and then dancing at the afterparty. Back then she thought she might have a new acquaintance, someone to invite to her games from time to time and maybe to receive an invitation to his show. However, she did not think that she just met someone she will want to spend forever with, someone who will become the most important person in her life. Someone who will truly show her love. She also didn’t know he would message her on instagram the next day and that they will keep talking and hanging out right away and fall in love so easily.

“I don’t remember the exact day, but it was in December, so you must be right. Why celebrate now, though? We never had before.”

“Well.. There’s no good explanation, really.” He took the first bite of the cuisine in front of them, gesturing for her to do the same. “Just thought it would be nice, it’s the end of the year as well, a tough year at that, wanted to make something nice for you.”

It was a tough year, the hardest one in her life. She hit the lowest low, she thought she lost something she worked her entire life for, her dreams. It was only Niall who got her up, he was the only one who could get through to her, and he did. He tried and tried, even when she pushed him away, or tried to at least, he never gave up on her. Last year, well a bit less, in January, she messed up her knee, really badly. Her entire career became a huge question mark. And she wanted to give up. She almost did. But Niall wouldn’t let her. Even if it meant saying things she didn’t want to to hear, which lead to her not speaking to him for a day or two and a lot of tears, from both of them. But she thinks she’ll never be able to truly explain to him how much it all meant, that without him, she would not come back. Not only to tennis, but maybe even to being fully herself.

“Thank you” she said for a thousandth time. “You’re too good for me.”

Niall laughed and shook his head. He wasn’t. She was his angel and anchor, just like he was hers. That’s why they worked so well.

They kept eating and talking, moving to more casual topics, with Niall asking how her day went and her asking about his meetings and who he got to deliver her lunch (it was an intern at the management). Lucy heard people leaving while they were in the middle of the main course, which Niall explained was the cooks and everyone else leaving, like he discussed with them previously.

When it was just the two of them again, Niall took their empty plates to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of champagne. They were only about halfway through the wine, but he still opened it and poured them both a glass. Instead of returning to his seat, he pulled out a chair at the head of the table and turned it a bit to face Lucy.

“Cheers to us, another year together. Three years and much more to come. I love you, Lulu.” His voice was wavering a bit, but he hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“I love you, baby” they clinked their glasses, shared a small kiss and they took a sip of champagne.

“Ok, so I had this whole speech prepared..” he started nervously, slowly getting up from his chair. “But I’m too nervous now, so I’m gonna make it quick” he got down on one knee and Lucy felt like her heart stopped for a minute just to start beating hundred times faster. She pressed her fingers to her lips to keep herself from completely losing it and letting out a strangled cry. “There’s absolutely no one else I would rather spend my life with, no one makes me feel like you, I thought I’ve been in love before, but honestly it’s nothing compared to the love I have for you. Lucy Emilia Barker, my Lulu, will you do me the absolute honour of sharing your life with me and become my wife?” he opened a navy blue velvet box, but she only saw his shaking fingers before her eyes filled with tears.

“Yes” she choked with a smile that couldn’t possibly be big enough for the happiness she truly felt.

“Yeah?” he asked as if there was a possibility he heard her wrong, but the smile was finally making its way onto his face and his nerves were disappearing.

“Yeah” she laughed and grabbed his face with her own shaking hands. “Now get up before you mess up your knee.” He laughed at her, or with her, or just from the pure bliss in his heart and started kissing her before he even got completely up.

After a few sweet, and equally passionate kisses, sometimes clicking teeth, because they couldn’t keep the smiles off their faces, they finally separated so Niall could put the actual ring on her finger. It was absolutely beautiful. It wasn’t a typical big diamond engagement ring and she was actually thankful for it, because that wasn’t exactly her style. The ring that was now comfortably resting on her finger was gold, with round cut emerald in the centre surrounded by 7 round cut diamonds, looking a bit like a flower. It was perfect. She hugged Niall, still crying, she must have looked like a racoon with smudged mascara from all this crying. But she was getting married, for fucks sake! She had a right to ball her eyes out.

“Do you like it? Maybe I should’ve gotten a classic diamond one…” Niall said reaching his hand to touch his neck, which was a nervous habit of his.

“Baby” Lucy said touching his shoulder to get him to really listen, “it’s perfect. I love it.”

They both couldn’t stop smiling, stealing little kisses from each other.

“I couldn’t wait to see it on your finger” he admitted, pulling her hand close to his face to get a better look.

“How long have you had it?” she asked a bit surprised and he looked at her a bit bashfully.

“Around two months.. I was thinking of proposing in Vietnam, but then Greg made me think about someone stealing the ring or me losing it, so I got too stressed about it and it just didn’t seem right.”

She thought back to Vietnam, when they went for vacation after the last tournament she played this year, it was a beautiful place and she loved it there, but he was quite right, it didn’t seem better than this. This was simple, but somehow perfect. Because it was them, just staying in the house, enjoying each other’s company. She knew in Vietnam would have been amazing as well, hell, he could propose in the middle of nowhere and she would still be head over heels for him, but she was incredibly happy with the way it happened.

“How many people know you were gonna ask me to marry you?” she asked another question with a little laugh. They were still standing, just holding each other and enjoying the moment.

“Um… A few. Greg, cause I needed his advice, Mia and Laura, I showed them the ring and also asked about this dress, cause I know you liked it but wasn’t sure about the size and stuff… And then also my parents.” His cheeks were a bit rosy, and she knew it was because he was still a little nervous, but also just from emotions. It was hard to believe Mia didn’t spill anything, because she was the absolute worst with secrets. Laura however, was the person who always helped plan the surprises, whether it was for Lucy or Niall or any other friend. She quite fast became Lucy’s best friend, maybe besides Mia, which surprised her a bit, because she was never really good at making friends, but she was just so welcoming and always made sure Lucy felt ok in their group, they just kind of clicked and she couldn’t have been happier to call her a true friend, cause she was probably the coolest person ever.

“Do my parents know?”

“No” he said and then his eyes widened, “should I have asked your dad? I mean, I thought about it, but it always seemed kinda silly to me, I mean, it’s between us two, it’s our decision and you’re your own woman, so I don’t think we need anyone’s permission, but.. Would you have liked me to ask him?” He looked so stressed and scared now that she couldn’t stop a little laugh bubbling out of her. He was so cute.

Lucy shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I think it’s stupid as well.”

Niall let out a breath of relieve. “Good” he kissed her sweetly, right on the lips. “I think it’s time for some dessert now. Sit and I’ll go get it from the kitchen.”

Before he could make a step, she grabbed his wrist and shook her hand. “I’m going with you.”

It was silly, incredibly so, but she didn’t want to spend a second without him, not tonight. He just looked at her with one of the fondest expressions and led them to the kitchen, their fingers intertwined. He got out a cake from the fridge and cut it, while she just looked at him. Her fiance. She was still shocked and in awe of the man, who wanted to spend his life with her. Niall grabbed two plates in one hand, the other grabbing hers and coming back to the dining room. Instead of seating back in their chairs, he sat on one and pulled her to his lap, giving her a plate, stretching a hand with his plate around her, then placing a small kiss on her temple before digging into the cake.

“Did you suspect anything? Cause you looked quite surprised, but I worried I might have pushed it a bit too far with all the gifts and stuff…”

“I suspected something, but not this. Honestly. And every gift kinda surprised me. I had no idea what you were planning, but proposing didn’t even cross my mind” she admitted. It wasn’t that they’ve never talked about it, the future, their future. They did, there were things they planned, they intertwined their lives, were building one together. And it’s not that she wasn’t ready for that commitment, she was ready to be his fiance, and then wife. It just wasn’t something she expected, somehow. “But now it makes perfect sense. And I’m the happiest ever. I love you, baby”

He grinned at her even more. “Me too, Lulu. I’m the luckiest man in the universe.”

She couldn’t help herself and kissed him. It was sweet and tasted of frosting. And she hoped to always remember this exact moment.

~~~

“Can I hear the speech?” she asked him later that night, when they were lying in bed. They spend the whole evening wrapped in their bubble, always touching each other and stealing kisses. “The one you said you had prepared?”

“Umm… Yeah.” Niall seemed a little nervous. He was open and romantic, it usually came quite easily to him, but sometimes he grew a bit anxious of being too soppy. He propped himself a bit and looked at her to gain some confidence from her shiny eyes that he could see even in the almost dark bedroom. He took a deep breath and started. “Lulu, putting feelings into words is kinda my job, but it’s near impossible to explain how you make me feel. I’ve been trying for three years now and still struggle. Because you make me feel like no one and nothing before. You are my sunshine, my anchor, my biggest supporter. You are my everything. I know this year was incredibly hard, for both of us, but obviously for you more than I, but in a way I’m seeing the light in the situation and am grateful that it happened. Because it let us both prove to ourselves how much we mean to each other. It showed that we can go through anything that life will throw at us. That we stand by the other no matter what, always. What we have is special. And I promise to always cherish this, us, but mostly you. The wonderful, incredibly strong and persistent woman that you are. I keep thinking that it’s impossible to love you more than I already do, but then another day comes and you just prove me wrong. Please, let me love you more and more every day for the rest of our lives. Please, spend your forever with me. Marry me, Lulu.”

By the time he finished they both had eyes cloudy from the tears. Lucy couldn’t even get any words out, so she just pressed her lips to Niall’s and hoped he’ll understand. Hoped he’ll know how much this all means to her, how much she loves him. And deep down she knows he will, he can see right through her.

“I love you. So much” she whispered after a while, when her breathing was coming back to normal and the tears stopped rolling down her cheeks and into her hair. “There’s something I want to say to you too, baby. Something I wanted to say for a long time.” She caressed his cheek and then the space between his brows, when he pulled them together in slight confusion. “I want to thank you for a moment, a long time ago, when you said you loved me, for the very first time. And I didn’t say it back. I need to thank you for how wonderful you acted then, I wanted to for a long time, but the moment was never right.”

Niall shook his head slightly and grabbed his hand that was still on his cheek. “You don’t have to thank me for that” he said, like the whole thing was absolutely no big deal to him. And in a way, she knew it wasn’t. She thought back to that day, when he said those three magical words and all she did was kiss him for a while. And then she said that she wasn’t there yet. She could have maybe said it back, but it wouldn’t have been true (it would, cause in her heart she did already love him, but in her brain she wasn’t sure). She was falling for him, she felt stronger about him and them every day, but telling someone you love them is a big thing. You can’t rush this, and she wanted to be completely certain. She wanted to feel like she had to get it out, had to let him now, how much he consumed her heart. She was honest with him back then, incredibly so, and that was probably one of the reasons why he reacted so well. Because she didn’t sweep the whole situation under the carpet. She let him know how important he is, how he makes her feel and that her feeling for him are growing rapidly, but have not reach that point yet. And he was perfectly fine with that. Because falling in love is an individual thing. He falls in love easily, fast and hard. But everyone has a right to go at their own pace. All he wanted from her was honesty. And she gave him exactly that. He also said he’d rather wait and have her say it back when she’s ready, when it’s honest and she’s sure that’s how she feels, than have her say it now just for the sake of saying it back. “You know it was alright, I would never push you to do anything. And hey, you said eventually. Besides. I knew you loved me.”

“Wait, what? You knew I loved you? How if I didn’t say it?” she looked at her fiance bewildered.

“Yeah” Niall confirmed with a proud smile. “I could kinda see it in your eyes. And, I don’t know, you just made me feel your love, I guess.”

“You’re something else, Niall Horan” she admitted burying herself into his body, at what he just laughed, but also wrapped his arms closer around her.

“Hey” he said after a while, when he noticed her breathing was evening out a bit, meaning she was slowly falling asleep. “I kinda have another question for you.” Lucy raised her head to look at his still smiling face, and then raised her eyebrows to prompt him to say more. “Will you move in with me? I guess now that we’re engaged it’s maybe not too soon, eh?”

She couldn’t help but laugh. That was the question that crossed her mind when she got all those gifts today.

“Of course. I would love to.”

Niall’s smile grew bigger, if it was even possible. “Yeah? I figured we can live here, or we can get another place if you’d like, that would be totally ours. Or maybe we can live here for a while and then get another one for after the wedding or something…” he was babbling a bit, so she put a hand to his shoulder to get his attention.

“I like this place. It already feels like home. Maybe we could get a new one later on, we’ll see. Ok?”

Niall nodded his head and kissed her behind her ear, which made her giggle.

“Ok, one more thing” he said after a minute, which made her laugh again, because he just kept surprising her. “Not a question this time, though. But I’ve made arrangements to come to Australia with you. If you’ll have me.”

She was leaving right after New Year’s to play two smaller tournaments there and then the Australian Open. She was excited, cause she always loved the atmosphere there, but was also dreading it a bit, because that’s where she fucked up her knee last year. She played since then, came back in September, but was still a bit nervous.

“I’d love for you to come. But don’t you have an album to finish?” He was working on his new music for longer than usual. He came back from LA to be with her, when she had to undergo her knee surgery and then she had a rehabilitation in London, so he was with her here, during everything. Which she was unbelievably thankful for, because she wouldn’t be able to do it without him, but it meant he put his music on a bit of a backburner. For her. He made quite a lot of sacrifices for her, she was aware of every single one. Truth was, his schedule was way more flexible than hers, she could choose which tournaments she played, but there wasn’t a lot of room to change things. So he was the one who planned his tours and press junkets around her. Coming to America when she was playing there for a month. Or planning a European leg of the tour for the time when she had tournaments there. Just so they could be closer, fly only a few hours to see each other. Someone might say it wasn’t fair, that both parties should sacrifice themselves in a relationship. But that’s the only way they could work right now. She knew Niall didn’t really mind, and she also knew that it would change in a few years. She didn’t plan on playing longer than 3, maybe 4, maximum 5 years. She would still be around 30 years old, could play longer, but she didn’t want to. Her knee problem was a horrible thing, but it also put a lot of things into perspective for her. At that time she felt like it was the end of the world. Tennis was her life. But when emotions died down a bit and after some hard conversations with Niall, she realized there were a lot of other opportunities. Now, she had a bit of a plan. She wanted to open a training centre. And she also wanted to start a tennis management company, especially to help young girls trying to make it. Niall knew it all, he was the one who told her it’s absolutely possible and offered his help. He also made a little joke of how they’re both gonna be sports managers, him with golf and her with tennis. It made her excited about the future outside the court. And she never was before. And it wouldn’t happen without him. Because she was also excited about her future with him, when she would stop playing and travelling constantly. It made her excited about flying to Los Angeles and New York with him, visiting him in the studio and sitting in the audience of the talk shows he would be doing there, and following him on tour. Her time to make sacrifices and adapt her life to his will come. And when it will, she’ll be more than happy to.

“Yeah, but it can wait a bit longer. Don’t worry about it too much, I’m thinking about bringing Julian with me, doing it old school, recording in hotel rooms” he smiled reminiscing about the old days with the band. “Besides, it’s our actual anniversary exactly a day after the Australian Open, I can’t let us spend it apart on the other sides of the world.”

“I love you” she said for probably the thousandth time today. And yet, she could have said it a thousand more.

~~~

The last month, month and a half, was the absolute best of Lucy’s life. The guy of her dreams asked her to marry him, she spent wonderful Christmas surrounded by both hers and Niall’s family, had a great small engagement party for their friends (another surprise from Niall) and then had a great three weeks in Australia, not only playing some of her best tennis, but also having the love of her life by her side. Her parents and Mia also flew to Melbourne, to watch her play the semi-final and then the final of the Australian Open. It was still surreal to her. She was in two Grand Slam finals before her injury, in Wimbledon and US Open. She never won though. And now, it was her biggest match since coming back. She had an amazing support system and she was really happy with her play. So whatever happens, happens, that’s what she thought to herself stepping on court for that final time in this city this year. She was actually proud of herself she got this far anyway, and of the level she was able to play at. She got out and just did her best, left everything she had on that hard court. And apparently, it was enough.

The whole stadium erupted when she hit the final winner. Winning the game, set, match, and the whole tournament. She was a Grand Slam champion. One year ago, when she was laying on a hospital bed, unable to move her leg, she did not think this would happen, ever. But it did. She fell on the court, her mind still not registering what just happened. After a second, she got up and went to the net to congratulate her opponent. She knew her, they’ve played a number of times before, she was the one who beat Lucy at Wimbledon final, actually. She also knew her just from tour, they’ve spoken a couple of times, she was a nice woman, just two years older than Lucy. She then turned to the crowd and her eyes filled with tears. She could hear the loud claps and roars, could see almost entire stadium standing up, for her. She risked looking at her box, seeing her dad with his arms around her mum, who cried her eyes out, almost like her daughter was about to, saw Mia clapping and sending her kisses when she noticed Lucy looking their way. But most importantly, she saw Niall, standing in the first line, just next to her coach, clapping relentlessly with the biggest smile and the most proud look on his face she’s ever seen. He wasn’t even that proud when the entire arenas where singing his songs back to him. That’s how much each other’s success meant to them.

She couldn’t help herself and run towards them, barely able to reach for any of them, cause the box was quite high, but her dad held her hand, while Niall bent down and kissed the crown of her head, even though it was sweaty.

“You’re a champion, Lulu” he said softly, but surely, like he always knew this day would come. And she actually thought that maybe, somehow he did. Cause he always had faith in her, even when she lost hers. And that made her want to cry even more.

She exchanged small shakes of the hand and half-hugs from the rest of her family and team, cause that’s all she could reach and then returned to her seat to compose herself even a little bit.

The ceremony was a bit of a blur, main sponsor talking, she remembers some nice words of her opponent and then, it was time for her to speak.

“I’m still incredibly shocked, so please excuse me, if I’m not gonna be very coherent” she started, which earned her a small laugh from the audience. “I want to thank everyone who contributed to this tournament, all the judges, ballkids, everyone working backstage, and most importantly, all the fans. You always give me so much support and energy, I really love coming here and playing for you, so thank you. I really want to congratulate Simona, it’s always a true challenge playing against you, you’re a great player and thank you for making it a good show, at least I hope it was.” Another audience laugh and a smile and nod from her opponent. Now it was time to really speak from her heart. “This might be a bit long, so sorry, but I have a few things to say. It means so much to me, because as you probably know, I wasn’t able to play here last year, I’ve messed up my knee just few days before the start of this tournament, so just being back here now, let alone standing here as a winner, means the absolute world to me. Special thank you to my incredible team and my family, cause the past year was not easy, I know I wasn’t easy to deal with, so thank you for not losing your faith in me and standing by my side through it all. And thank you for your hard work and endless support all these years, I hope they paid off. But the biggest thank you to my fiance, Niall,” it was the first time she called him that publicly, until now their engagement was between them, their friends and family; she automatically reached her hand to touch the ring that was hanging around her neck, hidden underneath her shirt, she couldn’t wait to put it back on her finger, “he’s too modest to accept it, but I would not be standing here if it wasn’t for him. Thank you for picking me up, when I couldn’t get up myself. For always having faith in me and not letting me give up,” she saw his cheeks were red, but he was smiling. “If it weren’t for him, I would have quit playing a year ago, so thank you for being my rock and absolutely biggest supporter. And thank you for being here with me today. I love you.” Lucy wasn’t a fan of public display of feelings and affection, but she couldn’t help herself in that moment. What he did and what he meant to her was too much to just keep those feelings inside. And she knew Niall didn’t really mind, cause he blew her a kiss. “This means the world to me, thank you, and I’ll hopefully see you next year” she ended her speech, feeling the tears springing to her eyes once again.

It all was so surreal. She truly was living her best life. And it was only the beginning.

~~~

On the day of their anniversary, two days since Lucy’s big win, they’ve decided to officially go public with their engagement. Sure, there was a bit of a buzz regarding their relationship after she called him her fiance in her winning speech, but they didn’t comment on anything yet, but now they finally wanted to acknowledge the new chapter in their lives. And what better way to do that than on instagram. So in the evening, after they spent the day walking around Melbourne, enjoying the city, they’ve sat down to post. They both chose a similar picture, taken on the day of her win, in the locker room. They were stood next to each other, Lucy half a step before Niall and were both holding her trophy, her with her left hand, so the ring was visible. On the picture she was gonna post they were both smiling, while on the one Niall chose, he was kissing her cheek and her eyes where, what he called “a shining delight”.

“Are you ready?” she asked him. She was lying on their hotel bed, while he was sitting on the sofa. They’ve decided not to show each other the caption before posting, but wanted to put it up for the world to see at the same time.

“Yeah” he said looking up to her with a huge smile. She always loved that about him, his smile, it was so contagious, and she was just happy it was present on his face so often. “You?”

“Yup. On three?”

“One…”

“Two....”

“Three” they said in unison and hit post.

@niallhoran: This amazing woman won the biggest trophy. Many more to come. The most hard working, persistent, strong, brave and loving human I’ve ever met. Can’t wait to call you my wife, but fiance will do for now. Happy three years Lulu.

@lucebarker: The best person to share successes with. And everything else too. Just the best person, period. Thank you for lighting up my life for three years and all those to come. Can’t wait to share a last name with you, Mr. Horan.

[magical-beans]

Chapter 3: The Suicide Squad (Danganronpa x Reader)

(The chapter title is a movie reference only.)

(G/N) = Given Name

(N/N) = Nickname

Possible trigger warnings: mentions of guns, panic attack (nothing graphic)

~死~

Not long after the Office Incident -- merely what Kokichi is calling it now as a short term solution.  He needs a better name than that to retell his much more enthused, dramatic version of the story -- Kokichi called an official DICE meeting.

To be honest, the call was kind of a shock to the other nine members.  They don't often get together anymore now that business is booming, and someone has to supervise.  The only time they really see each other is for heists, and those are only after throwing around several ideas about the next location.  The only things filling their text thread currently are awful memes and check-ins.

It was even more of a shock to discover why he'd called.

~死~

Hearts — Shinzou Yuu — is monitoring the Chinese base of operations when he receives the call from Kokichi.

"What's up, Boss?"

The call isn't necessarily unusual: Kokichi often likes to call Yuu and complain, lamenting about this and that. Yuu's used to it by now.

"Shi-chaaan! You have to help me! I'm traumatized! Someone attacked me with a big, bad gun, and it was sooo scary!"

This should be alarming.

It's not.

It might have been if his voice wasn't whiny and drawn out — if he attempted to be serious for once: but he hadn't. Things don't scare Ouma Kokichi. Not anymore, at least.

Yuu sighs, prepping himself to deal with the worst of Kokichi's dramatics.

There is an odd shuffling sound, and Kokichi's mocking laughter follows. It spills through the speaker on Yuu's end, muffled, as though Kokichi has pulled away from his phone. Yuu thinks nothing of it.

"That's horrible, Boss." Yuu humors him with his words, but his tone is monotonous. Thankfully, that's all it takes to avoid Kokichi's obnoxious crocodile tears. "You aren't hurt, are you?"

"Hurt!? Of course not! I'm the Great Supreme Leader of DICE! I have people who would become my human shield if I so much as lifted a finger!"

This is true, but they both don't like to think about it.

The laughter rings out again on Kokichi's end, muffled once more and followed by a playful "Shut up, (N/N)-chan!" Now that is odd.

"Boss, you got someone tied up on your side?"

"Yup yup! That's actually why I called! I got myself a professional human shield! They're awfully grumpy, though, so I might have to kill them before they can do their job!"

His voice is still playful, but this isn't a laughing matter. There hasn't been a case in the last four years of Kokichi finding an orphan interesting enough to introduce to his closest friends. The innermost group of DICE — the heart of it all — is exclusive. They had built DICE from the ground up, and that's special in their hearts. To have someone join that...an outsider, well...

Yuu breathes in deep, closing his eyes momentarily, then sighs. If Kokichi wants to meddle, it's not his problem.

There is a reason Kokichi had called Yuu first.

"I'd love to meet them, Boss," Yuu says, and he knows his voice sounds tired. "Be careful. We trust your judgment, but some of us can be hardheaded."

"Thanks, Shi-chan. When you wrap up business in China, head on back, 'kay?"

Kokichi's voice is softer now, more fond.

Yuu smiles slightly. This new person must really be something special.

~死~

"Hey, Love, what's hangin'?"

Jack — Ippanjin Mayumi — has picked up the phone in Argentina, her syrupy sweet drawl traveling smoothly through the long-distance connection. She traps her phone between her ear and shoulder before continuing to paint her nails.

"Nishi~ Yumi-chan, there's someone I'd like you to meet!" Kokichi giggles.

Mayumi grins. Two can play that game. And she would admit, she is a little curious.

"A romantic partner, Dear? Don't you think it's too early for them to meet your parents? You should know better than to move too fast." Stepping into the role of Mom isn't so hard: playing it for four years will do that to you.  

Kokichi giggles some more and then drops his voice into something akin to earnest.

"They might be the one, Mom."

Mayumi stills, nearly smudging the deep purple on her nails.

"Oh?" She tries carefully, concealing any emotion in her voice. "Is that so?"

"Could you come back to meet them, Yumi-chan? I think you'll like them."

He sounds a little nervous. He must have known this would be a tough call. Adopting is cool and all, but it is also a big decision. Mayumi isn't sure how she feels about adding another person to their tight-knit group. Kokichi seems certain, though. That should be enough.

Mayumi sighs into the phone, resuming her nail painting.

"All right, then. See you in a few weeks, Love."

~死~

King and Spades — Osama Akihiko and Suki Ryuunosuke respectively — race for the phone when it goes off. There's a flurry of limbs and blows, each one trying to hinder the other from reaching it first.

The phone is on its last ring when Ryuunosuke reaches out to grab it and answer triumphantly, Akihiko sprawled on the floor with a pout.

"Heya, Boss! This is Super Evil Demon Number One speaking, how can I help you?"

"Hey, how come you're number one?" Akihiko whines petulantly from his spot on the floor, and Ryuu sticks his tongue out at him.

"'Cause I got here first, Dumbass!"

Kokichi giggles at their banter.

"Well, my loyal servant," Kokichi begins, a haughty tone possessing his voice, "I need to speak with your lesser demon as well."

Ryuu grins. "Lesser Demon indeed!" He says into the phone before turning to Akihiko. "Get up, Hiko. Kichi wants to talk to you, too."

Akihiko sniffles a bit before getting up, wiping his nose, and Ryuunosuke puts the phone on speaker.

"Hey, Kokichi," Akihiko sighs into the phone, the dejectedness palpable.

"That's no way for a prince of Hell to be speaking, now, is it? Be proud of the havoc you wreak!"

Akihiko sniffles again, but this time it's followed by a smile.

Ryuunosuke frowns.

"Why is he a prince and I'm not!? I thought you said he was my lesser demon!" Ryuu whines.

"You're the High General, duh!" Kokichi says brightly. "You have way more power than he does, commanding armies and stuff. Akihiko just has his gross libraries." A faux gagging sound comes from Kokichi's side of the line.

Akihiko huffs, trying to seem both offended and arrogant, but he's proud of his new title. Ryuu can't blame him: High General is pretty freaking cool, too.

"Your Majesty, Sir, how can I be of service to this kingdom today?" Akihiko asks, bowing even though Kokichi can't see it. Ryuu snorts, jabbing him in the side. That earns him one back. That starts a tasing war.

"It's a big request. Are you sure you can handle it?" Kokichi challenges teasingly. Ryuunosuke salutes the phone, as a High General should, and Akihiko snickers. Ryuu tases him harder this time, and Hiko bends over, clutching his side. Serves him right!

"Of course we can, Sir! We won't let you down!" Ryuu is practically shouting, still in salute position.

"Have faith, My King." Akihiko is upright again, composing himself and smoothing out his blazer. "There is nothing we cannot do."

Kokichi's deep breath is audible through the speaker, and both boys tense. If their leader is nervous, it must be something big.

"Someone will be joining your legion soon. I'd like you to return to the castle and train them as soon as possible."

It takes a second, but another grin cracks across Ryuu's face and a soft smile dusts Akihiko's. That's all?

"I don't know why you're nervous, Boss. If you picked 'em, I'm sure they'll survive our impossible training!"

"Under our care, they will be nothing short of perfect. Rest easy, Your Highness."The pair looks at each other, and smiles widen. Ryuu bumps shoulders with his partner in crime (one of them, anyway).

He's not expecting Akihiko to frown.

"What makes you think you can touch me? Me, a prince?"

"I'm a High General! I command the armies!"

"I am royalty, you swine!"

With an angered growl, Ryuu tackles Akihiko to the floor and another wrestling match begins. The phone is discarded, forgotten, and Kokichi's laughter trickles briefly through the speaker before it's cut off, call ending.

~死~

The last five minutes have just been the two of them shouting and elongating each other's names across the phone.

"Taaaaarou!"

"'Kiiiiiiichi!"

Kokichi finally breaks down in giggles.

"Tarou-chan! I miss you!"

Dealer — Diira Tarou — is in America.

Specifically, he's gorging himself on a pound's worth of McDonald's' cheeseburgers and about three large cartons of fries in the safety of DICE headquarters, New York, but details, shmetails.

"Well, I miss you, too, Boss," He says around a mouthful, "Wha'd' ya need?"

"Why would I need anything, Tarou-chan? Can't I check in with my subordinates like a good boss?"

"Well sure, but ya wouldn't call. Is it something big? I can try smuggling these fries back home. It'll be tough, but I guarantee the amount of salt is worth it. This is the kind of heart attack that's worth it."

"Tarou-chan!" Kokichi scolds, but Tarou can picture the smile on his face.

Tarou's laughter is full-bodied, and it shakes him in his entirety. He leans back in his plush swivel chair and props his feet up in the one across from him.

"Can't say I'm sorry, Boss, but I respect your decision. What'cha got for me, then?" Tarou snatches another cheeseburger, chowing down.

"Y'know, I made a friend recently."

"Oh?" Tarou reaches for a fry.

"Yeah. The day after I met them, they ate a whole pizza. A whole one. All by themself. In, like, fifteen minutes. It was gross."

Tarou laughs again but pauses when he hears commotion on Kokichi's end. His boss is snickering, and another voice — one Tarou doesn't recognize — is audible. The voice sounds exasperated, though its words are unintelligible.

Tarou understands, now, why his boss had called.

"Ya'know that if they can't beat me in an eating contest, they can't stay, right?" He says jokingly, a soft smile on his face. Kokichi, though, gives a sage hum of acknowledgment.

"I'll start starving them right now."

The person in the room starts to yell, and Kokichi laughs out loud, nothing like his signature giggle.

Tarou knows already that this person is here to stay.

~死~

"Emi-chan, I want to try on all your new dresses when you get back."

Queen — Ojoou Emi — has been stationed in France, dealing with most of Europe. (Even though there are two of them, King and Spades never get anything done.)

"I was planning on it, Ko-chan! There is this cute purple one that you'll like! Oh, and I got this pair of shoes to go with it and I love them!" Emi sing-songs.

"But your feet are too big, Emi-chan! I can't wear your shoes because my feet are dainty! Ogre shoes won't look any good!"

"I don't know, Ko-chan. You need something to balance out that enormous head of yours." The banter is playful, familiar. Emi doesn't know why Kokichi called, but she's glad he's okay.

"I don't know what you mean, Emi-chan! I'm cute, small, innocent, and perfect!" Emi giggles.  She agrees, for the most part, because he is cute and small and perfect (innocent, though? That's a stretch), but she can't say that to his face. She isn't wrong about his head; it can't take any more inflating.

"Although..." Kokichi trails off, and he says something else, but Emi can't understand him. He must have lowered the phone, but she can't imagine who he could be talking to. "Aha! They do have feet bigger than yours! They're taller than you, though, so I don't know if they count as Ogre Feet."

This makes Emi pause. Who is he talking about?

"Aw, Emi-chan! Can't think of anything to refute this fact that your brilliant leader has presented you with? It seems I've gotten smarter in your absence! I didn't know idiocy was infectious! It must be like STDs, Emi-chan! Now you have to warn someone before you engage in intercourse; otherwise, you could get sued! I should sue you, y'know, for infecting me with your stupidity. I can't afford to get dumber: the world needs me!"

"Who are they?" Emi whimpers softly, shaking with the effort of holding in a whine and ignoring his jabs at her intelligence. She feels heartbroken, like something special she once had is now no longer her own. The tears pricking at the corners of her eyes sting.

Kokichi's monologue stops, and when he speaks next, his voice matches hers.

"They saved my life, Emi-chan. They ran into machine-gun fire to save my life and the lives of probably a hundred others. They're ten, and they're in so much pain, too much pain. And they've never taken a life, no matter how hard life gets. I'm pretty sure they can't take a life. And Emi-chan-" he pauses briefly, listening to Emi choke on a sob before continuing.

"Their smile is the most beautiful thing you'll ever see, Emi-chan. You're going to love them."

Emi sniffles, the tears slipping down her cheeks hot and shameful. She's jealous. She knows she shouldn't be.

Kokichi takes a different approach to calm her down.

"They haven't cut their hair in a long time. If you ask nicely, they may let you play with it, scissors and everything."

Emi's hiccuped laugh is gross but relieved — one short chortle.

Kokichi doesn't even attempt to hide his sigh of relief, breathing out his nervous anticipation.

"I think you'd have a lot of fun dressing them up, too. They don't have a lot of clothes, so they'll have to trust your fantastic fashion sense."

She's smiling now, small and content despite the ugly feeling rolling in her gut.

"Okay, Kokichi. I can't wait to meet them."

"You'll always be my twin, Emi-chan. No one can replace you."

The gross feeling begins to fade. Ouma Kokichi is rarely so soft, so kind, so quiet. Emi loves him like this. Maybe this additional person won't be so bad if they're worth his heart.

~死~

Clubs — Karabu Nobutoshi — is out on the water off the coast of Sydney, Australia when Kokichi calls. He grins.

"You caught me at a good time, Boss. Just made it past the pier. What's going on?" One hand on the wheel, he turns his small schooner downwind, and Nobutoshi grins wider at the thrill in his stomach at the feeling of gliding over the water. Sailing is the best.

"No fair, Toshi-chan! You're having fun without me!" Kokichi whines, and Nobutoshi can see his pout. "Now you have to take me sailing when you come back!"

He laughs, throwing his head back and adjusting the wheel slightly.

"It's cold in Japan right now! You'd have to wait a bit." Then he realizes. "Wait. Come back? Did something happen? Are you all right?"

"Aww, how nice of you to worry about me! You're so sweet, Toshi-chan!"

"Seriously, Kichi. Is it an emergency? I can book a plane ticket home for tomorrow if-"

"Relax, Toshi-chan." Kokichi's playful tone disappears, and he instead adopts a more genuine air. "I'm okay, but I want you to head home once you wrap up business in Australia."

Nobutoshi sighs in relief.

"... Could you tell me why?" He asks, now more curious than worried but still a little hesitant.

"Well..." Oh no. Toshi can hear his grin. "There was some trouble. There was a gun and-"

"A gun! Kokichi, I swear!"

Kokichi laughs.

"Yup! A gun, Toshi-chan, and the evil villain who had the gun wanted me dead!"

"You literally just told me to relax, then you spring this on me. C'mon, Kokichi, I'm getting old! My heart can't take this!"

Forget about sailing, this little gremlin takes up all his time! Nobutoshi clicks on autopilot and rubs his face with his now-free hand. He would need the entirety of his focus for this conversation.

"What!? You're only sixteen, Toshi-chan! Don't worry about me, we need to worry about you!" Kokichi exclaims, sounding not the least bit concerned. Toshi smiles into his hand.

"Well, now you gotta tell me," Nobutoshi says, "because if you leave me on the cliffhanger, I will die of a heart attack and you'll need to dig my body out of the middle of the ocean."

As if he's mulling it over, Kokichi hums, then says, "Well, I guess we can't have that, so I'll tell you. There was a gun, but someone saved me! They beat up the big, bad villain and broke his gun! That's why I'm calling, Toshi-chan: because I want you to meet my savior!"

Okay, so that took a turn at the end. Nobutoshi was not expecting that, not in the slightest.

"Someone new, huh?"Kokichi pauses before he answers. "Yeah. They're a total dork like you, Toshi-chan, so I think you'll get along well."

Nobutoshi forces his brain to work again, forces himself to process the conversation, forces himself to breathe right.

The first breath is too harsh, making noise as it rushes out his nose.

It feels like so long ago now, but after running away from his latest orphanage with Tarou, Kokichi had found them on the streets. At first, they talked. For a long time. About anything and everything and nothing in particular. And then Kokichi brought them back to an abandoned building. It was old and dirty and warm and cozy and everything that home should be. They both stayed the night. And the one after that. Then suddenly they were family, him and Tarou and the small boy with a doll's face and his ragtag bunch of friends.

Family isn't born on a whim.

But then again, Kokichi found them all, so...

Toshi looks out over the calm ocean, drinking in the expanse of blue, and breathes again, slowly this time.

So maybe he should trust Kokichi's judgment. Toshi had trusted him this far; he could go a little further.

"Yeah, maybe we will."

~死~

Trick — Damasu Airi — is surprised to feel a buzzing in her back pocket as she's racing through the outskirts of the Congo Rainforest. She stops for a moment to answer, settling into the nook of a gigantic tree and catching her breath. When she sees the caller ID, she smiles and quickly picks up.

"Hi, Nii-chan," she breathes into the phone, so ecstatic to talk to him.

"Hi, Airi-chan," he says just as softly, and Airi squirms with a feeling of satisfaction, her smile widening. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good, Nii-chan. The trees are pretty and soft here." And it's true. The people are also really nice, especially when she brings food and supplies. Even though they can't understand each other, they are always so eager to help.

"That sounds like fun!" The smile in his voice makes her smile.

"Mhm."

Airi is content to just listen to Kokichi breathe into the phone, and they sit in silence for a bit before he speaks again.

"Airi-chan," he begins, oh so softly. She loves him. "I called to talk to you about something important."

He sounds serious. Airi freezes. Did she do something wrong? Is he getting rid of her? Is she never going to see him again? What's-

"Can you come home? I miss you."

Oh. Yeah, she can do that.

"I miss you, too, Nii-chan."

"I wanted to warn you, though. There is a reason I'd like to see you again." It's okay, a warning doesn't mean anything bad for her, he misses her-

"There's someone I want you to meet."

No. No. Someone new? No way. This new person will make him realize that she doesn't do anything, that she's useless. This new person will take him away from her. He'll leave her all alone and she'll get hurt again and everything will be so cold. She's so useless. Why couldn't she help him? Make him want to keep her? Why can't she stay and be loved and warm and have no new people and-

"Airi-chan." Nii-chan's voice sounds so grainy through the phone. It's another reminder he's not here with her. "I need you to breathe, Airi-chan. Please?"

She can do that. But maybe she can't. Her breath stutters, and it's so hard to get it through her nose and-

"Good job, Airi-chan. Can you do it again for me? Nice and slow."

She loves the way he says her name. She can do it again. For him.

"Good. Keep breathing for me, okay? Can you name five things you can see?"

She can do that, too. When he tells her she's done well, the warm and fuzzy feeling comes back in her chest. She likes that.

"The moss... the leaves... a bird... the dirt... and... the tree branches."

"Hmm, now four things you can hear?"

He goes through the rest of the sequence with her, slow and patient. They've perfected this through all the times it's happened before, and now she's breathing evenly again.

Okay, someone new.

"Their name is (G/N), and they like to protect people from bad guys. They protected me."

Airi likes the way their name sounds, this stranger, so soft and round as she tries it out on her tongue. And they like to protect. Are they like Nii-chan? She might like them if they're like Nii-chan.

"Okay."

Kokichi knows what her word entails, and that's enough.

~死~

Diamonds — Naiya Ren — calls Kokichi first.

"I'm not surprised you called me last," is the first thing he says when Kokichi picks up.

Kokichi hesitates for a moment. Ren takes advantage of his silence.

"If you want to know how I know, Mayumi called.  She said to be ready.  I figured I'd make the first move."

Kokichi stays silent. Good, that means he's willing to hear Ren out.

Ren has been with him since the beginning. The very beginning. As is, the time where DICE was still a fantasy in Kokichi's head. Back when he would share his dreams with Ren while they would play chess with their makeshift set of rocks and chalk and beat-up checkers pieces.

Kokichi's bleeding heart has always been tempered by Ren's calculated indifference.

"I have no issues with employing people around the world to do office jobs and run service counters," Ren says, "but I have told you I don't like it when people get too close to you. You are in a very high-risk position, Kokichi; you're a high profile target. Anyone could want you dead."

"They know who I am." With none of its usual mischief and lightheartedness, Kokichi's voice is lifeless. "They knew who I was when they saved my life."

"Which you, Kokichi?" Ren already knows.

"Does it matter?" He sounds close to tears.

"Of course it matters. Joker is not the same person as Ouma Kokichi and you know it."

The tears are streaming down Kokichi's face now. Ren can't hear them, but he knows.

"I'm making an assumption here, but I don't understand why you told them about DICE, the true DICE, and mentioned nothing to the rest of us. I get that this is your organization, your idea, but I can't help but feel that this is something that belongs to all of us." It almost hurts to say this to him, to treat him like he doesn't feel the same way the rest of them do about this entire thing, but it needs to be done.

"It does. Belong to all of us, I mean. I can't take all the credit, you know." Kokichi's typical speech patterns without his mischief to play along make his words sound eerie and robotic. It's a wonder how he can speak so calmly through his most emotional moments.

"I never meant to imply that you did." That's a lie. "But it belongs to us. Not someone who doesn't know the value of what we've built. Who doesn't understand the journey from the bottom to the top. Who can't appreciate it the same way we do. It doesn't feel fair. This may be petty of me, but I may be the only one who will say this to you. You're too smart to have called us all without expecting this reaction, this feeling."

"I think you're wrong. About the journey. Maybe not with DICE, but they know. And they'll know DICE, too."

Ren sighs. If this is enough to bring him to genuine tears, and enough to keep him fighting after hearing all this, perhaps Ren can hear him out.

There is one question that weighs heavier than all the rest in his mind.

"What makes them so interesting?"

He knows Kokichi. Better than anyone. Playing round after round of chess will do that to you. You get to know how a person's mind works, how fast it works. Kokichi is the smartest person he knows. He doesn't like things that bore him easily.

"What about them is so mysterious that makes you want to keep them around."

Because that's what it's always been. Each person Kokichi has picked up off the street has something more to them than their tragic backstory.

"Their smile."

Shit.

He's getting teary over a smile?

"Fine." Ren gives up. He wasn't sure he would even win this argument in the first place. "I'll meet them. I make no promises about what happens after that."

"Thank you. That's all I ask."

Damnit.

He got played, didn't he?

~死~

As Kokichi puts the phone down for the eighth and final time, he turns to face you with an enormous grin on his face.

"Now," he says, a mischievous smile on his lips, "We wait."

You look at him, trying to decipher what that smile means, whether it's genuine, but give up after a few seconds. You can't read the perfect mask on his face.

At least, not yet.

~死~

I’m actually really surprised that I managed to get this chapter out so soon.

Finally made it to DICE!  I hope you enjoyed their characters as much as I enjoyed writing them.  This is my take on DICE, and if you disagree, that’s fine, let’s agree to disagree.  I’ve seen other representations of these characters before, so I thought I’d try my hand.  I also tried my best to write a panic attack, so I hope I did okay on that, too. 

Thanks for reading!  I’ll be back next week.

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1, Chapter 13 (One Last Yeehaw)

• It's the chapter everyone's been waiting for! We're pregnant, we get to tell our spouses, we get to tell our friends, we get to tell the courtly ladies, Olivia wears leather, our MCs get to buy a crib for an poppy seed-sized something in their womb that doesn't even know what hands and legs are yet (forget cribs), and the best news of all...WE ARE FINALLLY LEAVING TEXAS!!!!

• If you don't want to see this post on your dash, these are the tags to block: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs and #long post.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Universal Studios 77 YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and the HIMEME YouTube channel

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch

Title: Spreading the Word

Alternative Title: It's a Child, Not the Gospel 🤦🏽‍♀

• Before I start talking about the chapter...storytime!

• Sooo...my first pregnancy was a couple of years ago. And I like telling the story of how I broke it to my husband coz it is pretty damn funny. We'd been trying for two years, and had a couple of times when our tests would be met with a disappointing negative. So by the time I did get pregnant, the hubby was a little wary of hoping too soon.

• I had an inkling just before my periods were expected to arrive, because I found myself flopping down on the bed immediately after work, without even making dinner. No morning sickness, no giddiness initially, just constantly feeling so tired. Anyway, hubby insisted I wait a couple days more before a test because he was too afraid of getting his hopes up, and I agreed.

• I took my test around 4 or 5 that morning? And had to wait a couple minutes for the lines...and THERE WERE TWO. Do you really think I could keep such news to myself for more than ten seconds?? (even that was too much). Of course I was going to shake poor hubby awake and show him the test.

• It took five vigorous shakes to wake the poor guy up, and as soon as he was somewhat awake I shoved the test in his face (I was excited ok! 🙈) forgetting that without his glasses he couldn't see shit (very high power). "I can't see anything," he said sleepily, so I gave him his glasses. Ensuing conversation went as follows.

H: There are two lines.

Me: Yeah...sooooo...? 😀😀

H (sudden realization what two lines are supposed to mean): OMG there are two lines??? *sleepy smile*

Me: YES. I'M PREGNANT.

H (weakly): Yayyyy. (pause)...can I go back to sleep now?

Me: But what will I do???

H: You also sleep.

Me (running on sheer adrenaline now) : I CAN'T SLEEP I JUST FOUND OUT I'M PREGNANT.

H: Oooookay. (is too sleepy at this point to process anything).

Me: (excitedly hops over to Google at 5.20 in the morning and types out "I'm 4 weeks pregnant now what")

LMAO. That first pregnancy was quite something.

• The chapter begins with the MC sending her spouse a text. Depending on whether you mentioned a surprise, mentioned that you need to have a talk or texted emojis instead, the LI will react accordingly.

• With the surprise option, the LI flirts with her. With "we need to talk", they appear tense and believe she's angry with them. The emoji option is the funniest, coz the MC sends a string of emojis with the last one being this: 🍞, and the LIs are confused and referencing the bread (I've seen only two routes of this one - Liam talks about the Cordonian Baker's Festival which will only happen after a couple months, and Hana speaks about a bread course). The MC is puzzled at first, then gets to choose how to tell her spouse the news.

• AAAAAND NOW THEY KNOW.

Liam: Ecstatic and excited at the thought of holding his own child in his arms. Immediately after, he worries over the preparations they will need to make, the childproofing of the throne room and the things they will need to get ready, and it is the MC who calms him down.

I personally love that the narrative makes a mention of Liam "recentering himself" here, because it does show me that this is a rare display of raw emotion, of Liam letting go of his control, and you get a glimpse of what calming down for him looks like. Wish it hasn't taken four books to actually muster up the effort to write that.

Hana: One of the sweetest reactions ever - "We're going to be moms?" and a hearty squeal after that. She then becomes emotional and teary, cries with joy. There's some gentle teasing of each other where they call each other "cute", and then Hana tells her she's so glad she gets to share both this moment and this entire journey of pregnancy with the MC.

Hana doesn't show many signs of her intensive planning in this particular scene, because this - again - calls for raw emotion where the LI basically forgets their "normal" and truly savours that moment, but we do see signs of the same type of planning in other scenes.

Maxwell: WHOOPS with joy and excitement as soon as he realizes. Wants to scream out the news on a mountaintop. He promises the MC that their family will be the most awesome, most fun one that the kingdom has ever seen.

I love how Maxwell's overall vibe in this chapter seems to reflect his family situation - he definitely wants to be the exact opposite to his own child what his father has been to him. It's a pity they don't explore that enough.

Drake: Wild with joy, can't stop grinning. But also worried about whether he is being careless with the MC and is overly concerned for her. Calls her not just by her surname but also her first name. I wonder if that should be added to my Book 1 tallies 😂

• That TRR lullaby music is going to be played so much after this that we'll eventually get sick of it. I know it. I know it already.

• The LIs also get to check in with the MC about how she's feeling, and you as the reader get to decide how she is feeling at the moment (ecstatic, nervous, scared?). We also get the option to decide when to break the news to our friends (at the reception itself, or the next morning at breakfast). I think enough of us had an axe to grind with Savannah and Bertrand for the stunt they pulled (with our help) last book, that most people slammed that "reception" button like their lives depended on it.

• The LIs also act in different ways before their friends find out about the pregnancy:

Liam and Hana both dote on the MC, and Hana specifically keeps the MC's dietary restrictions in mind (gets sparkling water/orange juice in place of champagne/mimosas, asks about caffeine content/salmon during breakfast - this varies depending on when you make the announcement). With Drake, the group figures out that he has something on his mind because he's grinning nonstop, and Maxwell tries really really hard to hint at the MC's pregnancy by using phrases like 'bun in the oven' and 'expecting', and gives up in frustration when no one catches on.

• There are three ways you can tell the news to the group - if you're at the reception, you can leave them to guess, get the LI to announce via loudspeaker or scream it out. If you're at home, the same three options except the second one is simply the LI delivering the news in a more low-key manner.

•

YOU'RE SUCH DORKS ISTG.

• Bertrand is happy for us but Savannah is surprisingly (to my great joy) nowhere to be found.

• CELEBRATORY DIAMOND SCENE. For 30 diamonds, which is usually reserved either for finales or turning-point diamond scenes. Again, these scenes deal with the newness of it all, the jubilation, the end of a (not very long, actually) wait, and the LIs get to talk about family.

•

The sex part is 🔥 🔥 🔥 as usual, but the parts that really justify the 30 diamonds we're spending come before and after that. Each LI, as I've mentioned before, responds differently, but the thread that connects them all is the awe and wonder at this new life, and their plans and worries for the future (Good. You all should be worried if Olivia's diamond scene is anything to go by).

- Liam: In the pre-sex portion, the focus is on celebrating this moment they have alone - as parents - together, because once this news is brought out to the world, both they and their child will be thrown into the spotlight. I have spoken in this essay about the kind of upbringing royal children tend to have and the lessons they unknowingly learn in that environment. Liam has gone through this, he is aware his child will go through it too, but he wants the child to have as normal a life as he as a father can provide. This is clear in the last portion of the scene, where he touches the MC's stomach, marvels at the life they both created and - as per the MC's choice - communicates with said child. My favourite option of course is the lullaby, because it's one that Eleanor used to sing to him - and it is interesting how a lot of Liam's memories of an actual parent, doing actual parent-things, is of his mother.

- Hana: In the pre-sex portion, she speaks about how nervous they've both been over whether this pregnancy would happen and the pressure from the court, and how excited she is that that moment is finally here. When the MC asks her if she is nervous or scared, Hana tells her that even though everything that has led up to this (leaving her parents, having a new life in Cordonia) has been unknown and scary, knowing that they will finally have their own family outweighs "all the worries in the world". In the last portion of the scene, they flirt playfully, leading Hana at some point to wonder about whether they should set ground rules if the child is going to be such a charmer. She's already got a whole range of things prepared - from a pregnancy kit to snacks and drinks appropriate for the MC's condition - but the MC encourages her to relax and not worry too much. You can tell that Hana is already in the zone of wanting to be a better parent for her child than her own.

- Maxwell: I find the Maxwell version of this scene really interesting this time, because it deals with both his struggle to change for his child, and his struggle to NOT be the kind of father Bartie Sr was (finally they address this!). The first part of the scene involves Maxwell being his usual excitable self, wanting to scream the news from the rooftops then realising that it might be too risky for his wife. He speaks of wanting to "rewire" himself into "Good Dad mode". The last portion is especially poignant, because he speaks both of what a life without the MC would have been life (an enjoyable Beaumont Bash, but one where he is forever searching for someone, and feeling constantly lonely, like something is missing in his life), and he also promises his wife that he will be the kind of father who will learn and grow from his mistakes, and who will be there whenever his children need him most, not just drop by on the day of their child's wedding.

- Drake: Drake also falls back into old-habit before getting into father-mode - he mentions celebrating with drinks before realizing the MC cannot have them. The MC gets to choose either a non alcoholic beverage or a massage, and as far as I have seen the massage comes with yet another family story about his father massaging a particular spot in his mother's shoulder that would easily tense up. It astounds me how much effort the writers make into making Drake's scenes and exchanges so much more personal than the others. Like the others have their moments in this scene too - but in their cases such moments are the exception, not the norm. In Drake's it's always the norm.

In the aftermath of the scene, the couple get to discuss how they will bring up their child, even though that child will be heir to Cordonia's throne, and get to choose if they want to bring that child up with a sense of normality, or to appreciate the benefits they get from the royal life. In the end, all Drake wants this child to know at the moment is how much their parents love them.

• We now have brunch, hosted by the newlyweds. If we have not yet announced our pregnancy, Bertrand will simply announce us the way a herald would at a royal event before Savannah teases him for doing so, and if we have, he mentions that we are "celebrating the happy news with them once more". Bertrand speaks of being overly formal when he's very happy, and is even happier to mention the word "wife". That'll last.

• Leona gives Bertrand a cup of bourbon as a reward for the way he stood up to Chuck, claiming that she thought of him as a "pretty boy" who knew nothing, but was impressed by his behaviour on the wedding day. At this point I can only roll my eyes and finally celebrate when Auntie Bitch disappears. We've wasted way too much time than necessary on Drake's shitty family.

• If you haven't announced the news, you announce it after this scene. There are a few slight changes, esp the drinks mentioned in certain cases because the brunch is a more relaxed atmosphere than the reception so the food and drink items mentioned are pretty low-key. But everything else is pretty much as is.

• Bertrand and Savannah have a honeymoon to plan, which means we will finally get a break from them too, and Bianca asks us what we're planning in order to celebrate the news. Maxwell suggests getting a gift for the new arrival (9 months before arriving), and Savannah suggests they go to the general store and get something from there. The MC is nervous, because she wasn't exactly planning to meet Cassidy West again. Thankfully, he isn't at the store, so she's pretty safe 😂

•

All the LIs have items they will check out with their friends/wives, but the scene varies related to who the MC married. Minimally in most cases, quite a bit in just one. As usual.

Maxwell shows us baby socks, and realizes that this child is a "miniature human" who will have small-sized everything. Virtually nothing changes in this scene except for Maxwell calling the child "our baby" instead of "yours" in his own playthrough. Everything else is disappointingly identical.

Hana shows us a toy tea set (it's still early days but Hana tells the MC it will be fun to practice and to think of the treats the child can eat from that). If you are married to her, she gets a single line referencing the childhood scene where she waited in vain for her mother at her own tea party.

Liam's scene is the one wit the diamond option - as the King of Cordonia whose entire country's future rides on this child, he is the one who gets to show the MC (+ LI in their respective playthroughs) the crib. There are two variations in this scene - the ones where Liam speaks about "our heir". Other than that, very little difference (though he does mention Constantine in one line later, so I guess that's a plus).

Drake shows the MC a wooden rocking horse. In his friend playthrough, he speaks of the gift as something the child can have to remember "ol' Uncle Drake" by. But if you're married to him, there is a whole set of dialogues where Drake talks of riding horses being part of the Walker DNA, and there is a reference to the secret wedding (riding off into the sunset), and there is interactive banter between the MC and Drake that you don't see much of in the other playthroughs. I wish I could say I'm surprised.

• I mean...seriously??? Maxwell gets NO OTHER VARIATIONS??? Hana's mention of her mother never coming to her tea parties isn't even followed up by a line expressing comfort from the MC????

• Just as we got there options for our nursery decor, we also get three options for the crib (classic, royal, forest fairytale). The royal option is lavish, all gold and cream, and the fairytale option is whimsical, wood finish and the same patterns of forest animals and flowers and leaves as the walls. The classic option is, like its corresponding decor, "very neutral. very baby".

• We exit the shop as quickly as we can either because Maxwell broke a trampoline (in the Liam, Hana and Drake playthroughs), or Hana dropped some teacups (in Maxwell's playthrough).

• Once we're done shopping, we get a call from Olivia, who is at our estate in Valtoria, asking us for the most precious thing in our room. But before she can ask, we tell her we're either furniture shopping or pregnant. The option the writers want us to be choosing is "pregnant", because there's a scene where Olivia secretly happy-cries for us when she learns the news. We can agree to loan her either some fancy shoes, our engagement ring (in the Maxwell playthrough, apparently, there is a reference to the twig ring he made back at the beginning of Book 3) or the Cordonian Royal Sceptre. She isn't sure if she'll come back alive, so she thanks us in case she doesn't.

• The ensuing Olivia diamond scene comes with a chance to figure out what Olivia is upto, an advantage over Auvernal, and a tiny hint at a Nevrakis name for TRM.

• I must say, the writers never cease to go all out for Olivia. Even over the female LI that should have been treated like a co-protagonist. And it's tiring because yet again I'll have to see half the fandom drag Hana just so they can drool over the white girl (in fact I already have).

• Olivia's sprite on the left side of the screen...is going to take some getting used to. It's disorienting. But it's fine after a second one!

• Anyway. She is now at a casino in Monte Carlo, meeting up with Bradshaw and Isabella. She's clearly in super-spy mode, since she refers to the King and Queen of Auvernal as targets rather than their names or titles. She has a better edge over the two if she is honest about her intentions and doesn't pretend she just bumped into them.

• Bradshaw speaks about King Liam sending his 'attack dog' to them and 'not doing his own dirty work' which is hilarious considering this man is from a militaristic society yet doesn't even know the C of combat training and has never done anything besides strategizing.

• Isabella always delivers her stinky, unwarrented opinion as if it holds any weight or has any relevance. In Olivia's case, she mentions Anton's marriage contract with Olivia and wonders aloud how the Queen/Duchess still trusts her enough to allow Olivia in her inner circle after that. All three options to push back at Izzy are 🔥 but my favourite one is "you look like you know all about poor judgement" (which is true, look at who she married).

• Olivia then gambles with Bradfraud and Stinkybella, with whatever the MC chose to give her as stakes. The best option is to simply call Bardfraud on his bluff, because he folds easily. Depending on whether Olivia wins or loses the game, he either asks the guards to place the item in the penthouse, or to get more funds from there. Olivia takes note.

• She then has to make sure she nicks the key to the penthouse from Stinkybella, either by acting tipsy or by coming closer to her for an "awkward hug". Both do the job.

• She learns the following from the penthouse:

- Bradfraud and Stinkybella stay in separate rooms, which means things "aren't as rosy" between them.

- She finds a letter of rejection, doubtless from another royal couple, and this is an indication that they aren't as popular as they pretend to be.

- She finds a map of a land she doesn't recognize (is it Monterisso? Olivia would recognize a map of her own country...and neighboring countries...but who am I fooling it's not like team TRH concerns themselves with such ridiculous things as logic!), which has troop formations on it. They're planning something called Operation Swan. I've heard of "Black Swans" and "Swanning About" used as military terms, but there's not a lot I understand from this. Perhaps this leans more towards a "black swan" idea - where they will launch a surprise attack with a nation they are allying with? IDK.

- Basically, we have enough leverage to win against these two, thanks to Olivia's work.

• In any case, someone comes to the room, and Olivia is on the verge of getting caught. So she'll need to scale her way down.

• This shows us if you have Olivia pray to her ancestors for wings:

(Theodosia is clearly the Renaissance Nevrakis)

• If you don't choose to scale down, Olivia will land on the pool instead, but even then she makes it out okay. She decides to keep an eye out because Bradfraud and Stinkybella could pose as a problem for Liam and the MC.

• Olivia is operating on her own, as far as she has told Bradfraud, but the possibility that Liam is aware of what she is upto still exists. And the MC has no clue even if she is Liam's wife because:

a. The writers are too lazy to code this for Liam, and

b. It's not like the MC puts any effort into finding things out anyway

• We're now leaving the Walker Ranch, a couple hours later, and saying our goodbyes to Drake's mother and aunt. I heave a sigh of relief at the fact that there's no additional "memories" from Bianca become this family has gobbled up enough of our attention. Seems like their horrible attitude was really about the money they didn't get after all (it's a fair gripe to have, but doesn't exactly warrant the attitude they've been throwing around).

• Leona still acts like she did us a huge fucking favour hosting us, even though she was an awful host and seriously deserves to lose her ranch. Bianca tries to be civil but no apologies from her for allowing her son in law to be treated like crap until his wedding day. Seems like all Walkers have a habit of expecting civility from others while giving none.

• Bianca asks us to keep in touch and I'm pretty sure a huge chunk of the fandom said "no way in Yeehaw Hell".

• Liam continues to be mysterious with regards to what Olivia is up to, and Esther - who I HC'd as inquisitive - seems not to care enough to ask more.

• The LI tells us, as we leave, that Kiara, Penelope and Madeleine will be traveling in the jet with us, and it's up to us to decide how we break the news to them. If you own corgis, that features as an option. Two of the options (writing on a cake and announcement by corgi) come with a simple "Coming Soon...The Royal Heir", but the charade one is my favourite 🤭

• Penelope is that particular Drake/Walker Ranch stan who loved the time we spent at the ranch and Kiara is the rest of the fandom, who would much rather be in Cordonia than cooling her heels in Texas.

•

AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The MC then tries another charade, one that resembles cradling a baby in her arms, which Kiara takes to mean "American football" (thank God they don't force Cordonians to call it "soccer" anymore), Madeleine takes to mean "a common pirate jig" and Penelope somehow gets the guess right (though Kiara is the one who straight-out says it).

• The ladies are ecstatic, and congratulate us. Penelope calls for drinks, but Kiara has the common sense to add that the drinks should be alcohol-free. Madeleine informs us of the events lined up for us, including the Apple Ball which will doubtless be the ball we will be attending in the finale.

•

There's a small private moment where the LIs dote over the MC more than necessary, wanting to pamper her and keep her in comfort. The MC calms them down, convinces them that they have a very good support system/are a great team together who can achieve anything.

• Mara still finds out about the pregnancy via Maxwell scouring the online shops for corgi-themed onesies even when he is the father. Which makes sense. It's still Good Dad Mode 😁

• In the tiny space of time it took between Madeleine finding out we were pregnant and us talking to people, she managed to schedule a conference for the same day! At least let us confirm the pregnancy with our docs???

• Plus, announcing this early, even if you're not royalty, is pretty risky. You're mostly advised to not disclose it too soon because the first trimester can be a little risky. And there are also cases where your first ultrasound turns out to not be that happy moment where you see that yolk sac and hear its heartbeat, or an ectopic pregnancy 😔. I recall reading about it on pregnancy forums before my first ultrasound (and stressing, but I had to be prepared) and not being satisfied until I confirmed it for myself.

• The writers and the readers know she'll be pregnant because that is what the story is, but perhaps if the team hadn't wasted so much time on the Walker Ranch, they'd at least not have to hurry like this.

• Actually...no. "Hurrying" would be the wrong word. Because they're going to stretch the press conference itself to like two chapters, it seems like. Basically they will spend time on everything that isn't important to the story as long as it's important to their pet character.

• The summary of Chapter 15 (CHAPTER FUCKING FIFTEEN. We're stuck at the beginning of all this even by CHAPTER FIFTEEN) speaks of the press conference heating up, so I'm having an inkling that there will be some pretty heavy stuff being asked in between? Maybe with regards to alliances, or a new scandal, or something else. But it's not going to be easy at all, that much is pretty clear. It's going to be frustrating and there's going to be stuff that will anger the LIs I think. I could be wrong, though.

• Overall this chapter does better in terms of variations even though they still do beef up Drake quite a bit over the others. But at least Liam, Hana and Maxwell get the rare opportunity to briefly address the mistakes (too small a word for what they've done) their parents have made. It's still not enough though. Esp considering the last 9 chapters have seen such an overall of Walker history and Drake's memories and the others have barely a handful of chapters to catch up.

• Sometimes I wonder if Olivia's independent investigation is also fueled by her desire to be so different from her parents and aunt as to wipe out the memory of their betrayal through her deeds. I do wonder if she will burn herself out completely in the process. She is made of sterner stuff than that, I know, but the determination she was showing in this scene and in the last few chapters was on another level.

• I wonder if we will get intel on Monterisso as well (I don't fully trust Amalas yet), or whether the narrative plans to establish this country as the underdog we will be supporting. Who knows. But I'm sure we will see more of that country in further chapters as well.

• That's it for this chapter, I think. Until the next one!

[mendesbadrepuation]

Assistant *Series Part Two Crushing

Second part to this new series. I am terrible at descriptions and what to say here. So how about I just shut up and you read? Let’s hit lol :))

fair warning I did a little time jump....my apologies I don’t typically like to do that...but I did...yikes

first part is here

GIF IS NOT MINE!! CREDITS TO THE OWNER (Mendes-shawn)

“Y/n!” 

“Y/n!” 

“Y/n!” 

My body twirls around in all directions as my name is being shouted in every way. It’s been about 4 months with the Mendes crew and I have loved every moment of it. Yes it’s been sooo wild and crazy but it’s been the greatest experience. Shawn and I have grown so close together over the past 4 months that I really have gotten to know him as an individual. 

I’ve become a counselor, a doctor, a friend, a best friend, and so much more. I’ve literally learned the ups and downs of this whole process as an assistant. 

“Y/n.” The one voice I was totally immune to hearing and the one that I could make out from anywhere. 

“Shawn.” I reply as I’m straightening out one of his shirts to wear tonight. Shawn has been out and about with the press as well as doing some interviews before his big award show that was tonight. 

“What do you think I should do?” Shawn asks about his new crush. He’s not mentioned any names but he seems pretty intent on her. 

“Listen sugar if it was me I would not hesitate. It’s always worth the try and you just never know what could happen unless you do it!” I talk to him. Right now I was like the counselor and mom all at once. 

“But that’s so scary. What if I get rejected?” Shawn leans against the table that was directly behind me and takes a drink of his coffee. 

“Shawn.” I set the iron down and turn around so I can face him. “First off,” I scan my eyes up and down his toned body. “Look at you. Shawn not only do I say this as your assistant but as a girl with good taste. You’re like smokin hot.” Shawn opens his mouth to protest but I place my finger tip on the edge of his lips. “Assistant talking.” He makes a sassy look and I continue. “Two, you’re not only like smokin hot. But you’re the sweetest most down to earth guy ever. Your personality is always the first for most girls to notice.” I take a breath and Shawn’s cheeks were turning red. I’ve learned so many traits that he carries. 

“Three. Honey it’s her lost if she rejects you.” I snap my fingers all sassy and turn my attention back to his shirt. “Lord knows I wouldn’t.” I mumble under my breath. 

“What was that?” Shawn perks up from against the table. My head turns to look at him. 

“What?” I play it cool and look at him confused. Shawn squints his eyes together and that’s when he licks his lips as he stares into my eyes. Mother heifer this boy. I would be lying straight through my teeth if there hasn’t been moments in these past 4 months where I totally day dreamed about us. How could you not? 

But I kept myself in line and knew things were suppose to be professional between the two of us. There was moments where he had me wrapped around his fingers and I would have spilled all the beans if people hadn’t interrupted the moments. 

Two weeks ago.... 

“Shawn if you’re that concerned about your quote on quote moves then just practice them on someone.” I explain kindly to him. It was one of those moments where Shawn and I were talking in his dressing room about nonsense. I came in with the intent to ask him about a interview but completely forgot when I walked in on him shirtless. Wow that train of thought wrecked and exploded all in a matter of 2 seconds. 

“No way that’s so embarrassing.” He replies and I simply roll my eyes. “Hey men don’t always have to make the first move ya know!” Shawn says boldly. 

“What’s that suppose to mean? I’ve made first moves way before the guy ever thought about it.” I stand up for myself. 

“Yeah right. It was probably just a typical flirty text.” I was standing behind Shawn at this point while he was sitting on the couch. 

I scoff at his statement. “When a girl makes a move...” I trail off as my lips were centimeters away from his ear. “We strategize. Cause you see. All men have this one weak point.” My lips were brushing against his ear now and Shawn was frozen as I whispered softly in his ear. My hands go down to his shoulders slowly. “All it takes is one thing and it leaves them wanting more. It leaves them curious.” My fingers seductively unbuttoned his shirt and I trace one finger down the middle of his chest then back up. 

“Shawn!” A staff member enters the room and I slowly let my fingers leave his skin. I raise up and there was a huge smirk on my face. Shawn was so caught up and his brain forgot how to put words together. 

“Y-yes. Yes.” He clears his throat and I confidently walk out of the room. I catch Shawn’s attention and wink. I was gone in a second but as soon as I rounded the corner I had to catch my breath. I was speechless after touching his skin like that. My heart was pounding when I saw him bite his lip to control himself. 

I would have done anything to continue and kiss his skin. Just one touch. 

Of course there has been more little moments before that but that’s been the closet to where I thought it could lead to something. 

“You know Y/n. You can always come to me for advice too. I’m a great listener.” Shawn randomly adds and my heart flutters at his words. Just showing that you care like that means the most to me. 

“That means a lot to me Shawn. I’m glad we’ve grown close and created this bond.” I finally finished his shirt and when I turn around Shawn was already stripping out of his previous plain shirt. My eyes probably lingered too long but I didn’t mind. 

“Enjoying the view.” Shawn smirks and I help him put the nicely flattened shirt on. 

“Mmm a little too much.” I flirt back just a little and I can notice him stand off from just that comment. “Don’t get nervous. I won’t seduce you or anything.” My fingers start to button up his shirt. Every piece and part of me wanted to stop. I wanted it left open so I can see him like this. His skin was hot and it’s all my mind could think about. 

“You couldn’t seduce me even if you wanted to.” Shawn says confidently. 

“Is that a challenge?” There was a sassy look that went across my face. I’ve been with Shawn for 4 months and in that time I’ve learned all the things that can make him tick. 

“Let’s make a deal. If you seduce me by the end of the night I’ll buy you those bracelets you’ve been wanting. But if you don’t then you have to come with me back to my home for my family dinner.” My face scrunches up all puzzled. How did he know I’ve been wanting those bracelets? And why on earth would he want me to go with him to his family dinner? 

“I never back down from a challenge.” I speak before I process anymore things. I was so competitive that I couldn’t resist. 

“Good luck.” Shawn replies with a huge smirk on his face. 

“Thanks.” I smile and turn around strutting my way out of the room. I left Shawn to get himself ready for the night. Now it was my turn to get ready and I knew the perfect outfit. Shawn was having me go with him and publicly announce me as his assistant. Many people knew but now I was going to be under the eyes of the public for sure. Shawn told me everything that would happen and all the consequences that came with it. I was just a lousy assistant. How much more can people get from that? 

~~~~~~~

I hear a knock at my hotel door and I took a deep breath. I make sure all my bags are packed up since we were leaving from the award show. The staff was always in charge of making sure my bags went where we do. But I always made sure to pack it up because they’ve already been known to miss some things. 

“Y/n. Are you ready?” I can hear Andrew from the other side of the door. It didn’t hit me now that I was nervous about this. Some stylists that helped me get ready had left about 10 minutes ago. It gave me some time to myself to collect everything. Including my head. 

“Yes. You can come in.” Andrew pushes down on the handle and the door opens slowly. He had a very warm and calming smile placed on his face. It helped relax me and I nicely return the smile. 

“You look beautiful.” Andrew says and my cheeks turn slightly red. 

“Thank you.” I grab my small hand bag and Andrew holds his hand out for me to take. We walk down the hall to Shawn’s room. I watch people exiting quickly and a few of his buddies come out as well. I greet them with hellos and each of them complimenting me with such nice things. My face was so heated up from it. 

“Shawn. Y/n is ready.” Andrew speaks in a soft tone. We all knew how stressful these events could be so soft voices helped the environment be more stable. 

As I walked I felt the breeze of cold air go through the slit in my dress. The stylists picked out this dress for its revealing but very sexy qualities that it brought out in my body type. The navy was a color I never really liked on me but it looked good. The lace gave the dress a little flirty side along with the slit on my right leg. My sparkly silver heels were much taller than what I’m ever use to but I made sure to practice in them. 

I watch as Shawn turns the corner of his room. His hands were fiddling with the buttons on his suit as he continued walking. His head tilts up and then his eyes meet my figure. One inch at a time Shawn’s eyes scanned me from head to toe. I felt a few insecurities come loose but I quickly tuck them away. My mind goes back to our bet and I quickly bite my lip. I couldn’t deny how handsome he looked and how the way he looked at me was not a friendly look. 

I had something he didn’t. He was already falling for my trap and the night hadn’t even begun. 

For a moment it’s like he forgot to walk as he stared at me. Andrew was smirking very smug as he noticed our reactions. I watch Shawn run his hand through his chocolate locks. Something so simple but so sexy it still made me weak at the knees. 

“Ready for some action, handsome?” I ask as Shawn got close enough to me he was arms lengths away. 

“Yes ma’am.” Shawn’s voice was lower than usual. He was trying to hold something back. Shawn holds his hand out for me and I gladly take it. We walk down outside to the large Tahoe waiting in the parking garage for us. Shawn helps me in to the back and makes sure I’m all good before he hops in. I thank him multiple times. The repetition was caused from the nerves. 

On the ride there Shawn locks our hands together like a dead bolt. I didn’t mind it gave me some comfort as my nerves were starting to build up. I could feel my hands starting to sweat. 

“I’m sorry. I’m getting a little nervous.” My voice came out shaky and Shawn takes notice. In this moment neither of us were focused on that bet. This was about to get serious for the both of us. If I make one wrong move then I’m in the public’s eye in a negative way for a very long time. Neither of us wanted that. 

“Look at me.” Shawn says as he grabs both of my hands. I turn my body just a little so I can almost face him. 

“I’m going to be by your side the whole time. I will never leave you alone. I’ve got your back always Y/n. Just follow my lead and trust in me. It’s my turn to take care of you.” Shawn soothingly rubs my hands with his thumbs. I look at him and he’s got such a calming smile on his face. 

“Some how I’m sure I’ll have to take care of you anyways.” A small chuckle escapes Shawn’s throat and that causes me to giggle. Both of our heads leaned over to where our faces were inches apart. 

“It’s time you two.” Andrew says from the front seat. Shawn and I didn’t break our gaze. Shawn leans in first and then I slowly lean in as well. My lips were burning to be upon his but I do the one thing that would drive him crazy for the rest of the night. 

“Good luck.” I whisper against his ear and plant a sweet kiss on his earlobe. I watch Shawn crane his neck to the side to control himself. 

The doors open to the car and I hear all the screaming people. Cameras were flashing in every direction and my mind went completely blank. Shawn gets out first and helps me out. We both place cute smiles across our faces as we walk through the red carpet. 

We stop at spots to get our pictures taken. At one Shawn takes my hand. His other hand wraps around my waist. “Remember. Trust me.” He whispers close so only I can hear him through all the screaming people. My stomach does a dip as he spins me around and immediately a bright smile is planted on to my face. It made me so giggly and Shawn’s eyes lit up from my reaction. 

I knew why he done it and it sent a bolt to my heart. He cares so much about me and he wanted me to have fun. He was just trying to calm my nerves down. He’s such a great guy. 

We continue walking until we get stopped by an interviewer. Shawn places his hand gently on my waist as he interviewer asks questions. Shawn was confident and smooth as he spoke. He talks about his tours and his music in general. Then the attention gets turned to me. 

“So Y/n we have heard a lot about you in the last few months. What is it like being an assistant to Shawn Mendes?” 

That’s an easy one Y/n. Push those nerves down and speak like a lady. “It’s been such an amazing experience. I love everyone involved in the Mendes crew and I have had so much fun with this goofball.” I gently poke Shawn’s stomach as a cute gesture. Shawn looks at me and his smirk breaks into a sweet smile. 

“She has surely been a great help for the whole team. We are so glad to have her and I am for sure lucky. She gets me my tea and coffee which is a big one for me.” The interviewer laughs and we both smile. 

“Well we can’t wait to watch you perform tonight Shawn. Good luck and I hope both of you enjoy the show tonight!” We thank the interviewer and make our way inside. 

Shawn was the last to be performing so we had a long night ahead of us. We walk to our seats and I don’t even realize that I’m actually in the spotlight until I notice that Taylor Swift is sitting right next to me. My eyes shut for a moment to collect my inner fan girl from breaking out of the cage. 

“You okay?” Shawn places his hand on my arm and I nod my head. 

“I kinda forgot that we’re at an award show so I  wasn’t prepared to be sitting next to freakin Taylor Swift.” 

Shawn bursts out laughing and he stands to go greet Taylor. “Hey Taylor!” 

“Shawn! Hey bud!” She greets back with an open smile. 

“This is Y/n. I’m sure you’ve heard a lot about her.” Shawn gestures towards me and I smile brightly as Taylor reaches over giving me a hug. 

Lord please make sure I don't make a fool out of myself.

~~~~~

Finally it was Shawn’s time to perform. Me and him make our way to the backstage to get him prepared. I run around doing my usual check ups for everyone. It was harder in the dress I was in but I totally made it work while even looking good. 

“Y/n!” I hear Shawn call and I set my clipboard down to go find him. I approach his dressing room and call his name back. When I feel a pair of hands on my waist I got immediate butterflies. It’s been like that all night with Shawn. But I was even more surprised when Shawn pushed me against the wall. 

“Shawn.” I sigh out a whisper at his sudden actions. 

“You win.” Shawn says darkly with his lips inches away from the skin on my neck. I swallow the lump in my throat and I could feel the pressure building inside of me. 

“What was that?” I manage to say and his brown eyes look at me. My legs went weak as he licks his lips. 

“You win the bet. I can’t take it anymore.” Shawn pulls my waist against his body in a quick move. His lips are crashed onto mine and I move my lips back. My hand went into his beautifully soft curls. 

Shawn Mendes oh how I’ve craved this moment. It’s the other way around. You win. 

I felt his fingers trace down my leg with the slit and he grabs under my knee. I pull my leg up and he holds on to it. I could feel the chills multiplying as he traces his fingers on my thigh. Our lips never detached from each other. We both put all our passion into that moment and my head was absolutely spinning. 

“Shawn you’re on!” Someone shouts and we both jump apart from each other. He takes me by the waist again and I hold myself steady. I was weak now so weak from his touch. 

“This isn’t over.” He kisses me again and I just melt into him. When he lets go I felt a pit of emptiness in my stomach. My brain was slowly processing what had just happened. 

I don’t think you’re suppose to kiss your assistant like that... 

[redandfranticfeelings]

an autistic analysis, lyric by lyric, of ‘i love play rehearsal’

ive been hyperfixating over bmc for the last month and i keep thinking about how autistic the main characters are and christine is so very very very autistic coded to me. so i decided im just going to straight up deconstruct the lyrics of her signature song in the context of her being autistic (and also having adhd, but my experience is mostly in autism)

this is very very rambley and based more on personal experience than research, so i doubt itll be interesting to anybody but me, but i just want to talk about christine, the autistic queen

I love play rehearsal Because its the best! Because it is fun. I love play rehearsal and I get depressed as soon as its done.

it goes without saying that chrstine’s special interest is theater right? the way she treats it as the “highlight of [her] life” and then switches into this song after acting completely awkward and disinterested in jeremy outside of the context of him being engaged in her special interest.

But not depressed as in like kill yourself depressed No, im not into self-harm Dude, I swear, here check my arm!

overexplaining in a way that reads very much like speaking before she thinks, even though bringing up self harm in casual conversation with someone you barely talk to is not exactly proper etiquette. i think this is also an adhd trait? going faster than your own brain. that’s basically this whole song.

See, I just use the word to emphasise a point, Show the passion I have got I am passionate a lot. I have mad, gigantic feelings, Red and frantic feelings, About most everything Like gun control, like spring,

a lot of people assume autistic people are typically emotionless but it’s also very easy for us to get caught up in emotional issues especially when it comes to stuff we love, and it catches us off guard. christine being hyperempathetic is implied later in the show when she has that awful survivors’ guilt over making fun of rich and jake, and it also plays into her being so socially conscious as well.

Like if I’m living up to all I’m meant to be.

being an high school junior is really rough bc of all the decisions that have to be made regarding college and your future as an independent adult, and being autistic just makes it worse bc it can easily lead to burnout to deal with so much at once, if you even can comprehend these things much at all (i had no idea what to do, lol). i doubted my ability to grow up and succeed constantly because i had no idea who to talk to and what questions to ask and how to present myself. that’s something that a lot of people worry about, but having social delays makes it way more of a pressing issue than it is for neurotypicals, i feel.

I also have a touch of ADD. Where was I? Oh, right!

self explanatory and very canon. adhd and autism can be diagnosed simultaneously nowadays and the symptoms overlap a lot, btw.

I love play rehearsal, Cause’ you are equiped with direction and text, Life is easy in rehearsal, You follow a script so you know what comes next. Anywho the point that I’m getting to is sometimes life can’t work out in the way It works out in the play

this part screams autistic culture to me. unpredictability is scary because social situations don’t always go smoothly like in fiction! this is why social scripting is a popular therapy tactic for autistic children- you have to manually study social situations like a script. theater is something meant to be memorized and recited until you’re able to process it and manufacture emotion, but honestly for autistic kids, life feels a lot like that sometimes. remember how miserable she got when one of her favorite plays had the script changed without her permission to make a whole new story she doesn’t know? of course that’s just upsetting on its own, but in the context of her knowing theater so well and being fully prepared for one story only to be forced to learn a new one? ouch.

christine is never shown as comfortable outside her element- she hides in a book during “more than survive” and shrinks into nothing at the party. it’s a recurring theme that she has no idea exactly who she is, struggles with her identity outside of theater, and despite not really caring about how people see her, she does care about her own ability. socializing makes her feel awkward, especially when something totally unexpected happens like jake or jeremy asking her out. if she doesn’t have a plan or routine or, well, a script, then she can’t trust herself to go forward.

Like the only time I get to be the center of attention, Is when I’m Juliet or Blanche DuBois

as an autistic theater kid, i just really do relate to being clueless and dumb in real life but being able to totally thrive on the stage, because you can channel the energy that is usually misplaced in real life social interactions, and transfer it through dialogue and song and dance that someone else laid out nicely for you.

and can I mention? That was really one of my best roles, Did you see that?

an epic combination of letting your mind wander easily without caring about making sense to the person you’re speaking to, and taking every opportunity to infodump. in a lot of productions she even mimics her blanche voice just for fun. jeremy tries to respond here but she doesn’t care because she’s in her own brain where everything only really seems to make sense to her.

And no matter how hard I try, It’s impossible to narrow down the many reasons why, I love play rehearsal. I happiness cry whenever it starts!

if she isn’t being hyperbolic then this plays into my ‘so much emotion it’s hard to control’ thing detailed a bit above. either way, big special interest mood.

It’s just so universal Getting to try playing so many parts. Most humans do one thing for all of their lives, The thought of that gives me hives! I’ve got so many interests I wanna pursue,

it’s a lot easier to lose yourself and connect to your special interest than focus on your very complex, very overwhelming real life issues. escaping into fiction and being able to play in a variety of social situations as a totally different person, yay theater!

in general i just like the idea of christine struggling to visualize who she is and thinking about a lot of hypothetical but being unable to choose which one is most desirable or plausible. idk if that’s autistic or just a fun character trait lol. i know jumping from interest to interest is an adhd thing though.

this little passage is good for at least showing that christine distinguishes herself from ‘most humans’ in a way that isn’t so much ‘not like other girls’ but like ‘life is so much more confusing to me than it seems to be to others’ (which the show proposes isn’t exactly true and is the same closed-mindedness that jeremy has, though christine realizes it sooner; however; the sentiment rings true in that christine, as a neurodiverse young woman, has a lot more hoops to jump through than a neurotypical classmate.)

And why am I telling this to you? Guess there’s a part of me that wants to.

jeremy is also very autistic coded in my eyes, but that’s a separate post. i just like them being drawn to each other through that sort of kinship. also if you interpret her as having an unrealized requited crush on him…well, i think for a lot of us, romantic love is easy to confuse with friend love, if even that, because the specifics of emotions are a mess to unravel. (which also explains her confusion on her relationship with jake)

oh and right after this, she starts squawking just because she had the impulse to do so. vocal stimming, much?

Back to play rehearsal, My brain is like ‘bzzz’ My heart is like 'wow’

my brain is always like bzzz honestly lol. this is generally a pretty good way to describe being hyperfocused.

Because we’re here at play rehearsal, and it’s starting, We’re starting, It’s starting, Sooo-ooon.

it’s been confirmed as a deliberate decision that christine’s songs never end on a rhyme, except when she’s squipped and it isn’t ‘really’ her, because she subverts everyone’s expectations, including jeremy’s. i feel that could make for a nice simplified metaphor for autism, right?

[iridescentwinters]

with a heavy heart

— summary: au! it was the monday after, a.k.a nora’s first day. and while making new friends, she learns about her old ones. more specifically her old best friend.

↳ part three of the four-part series “puppy love”

↳ also available on ao3

nora inhaled the cool spanish breeze.

oh yeah, she thought giddily, i most definitely am back home.

luckily, nora’s father hadn’t sold the house after they left, so they managed to move back without finding a new place.

nora smiled, as she looked outside her bedroom window and caught sight of her swing set. she had pretty good memories there, with alejandro especially.

alejandro…. the name made her smile fade slowly. her eyes then trail over to the house next to hers. maybe it was because she hadn’t seen the place in so long, but it seemed so… lifeless. the colour most definitely let her know that the de miguels were in due for a repaint job.

but the lights were out. and it was only early evening. did they move out? she wondered. no way, she thought with a shake her head. it was alejandro’s great grandmother’s place and his sister isabella loved it. she turned away from the window, after deciding on not giving it more thought. she was only a year older than me but was still a kid. she obviously lost the whole home sentiment.

“nora.” her father called her name after knocking on her slightly ajar door. “your mother’s calling for dinner.”

nora looked back at the man. “she managed to cook?” she asked, surprised. mr grace shrugged. “if your definition of cooking is pouring water into three cups of mac n’ cheese, then yes. she did.”

the girl smiled. “can’t say no to instant mac n’ cheese.”

of course the weekend passed by quick, and nora found herself looking into the mirror, straightening out her already straightened clothes. she applied her signature red lipstick (something she picked up from her mother), but was wondering if it was a bit much. sighing, she scolded herself. stop overthinking everything!

grabbing her bag which was on the floor, she looked through her window again. her father had gone for a quick stop at the minimart that was around the corner and passed by the house to see if anyone was home, but he found that it was empty. so the de miguels did move out. nora wondered if they left the country.

standing up straighter, she held her head up high like how her mother taught her to whenever she was anxious or afraid, before turning on her heel and walking out of her room. it didn’t matter if he was still here or not. they weren’t friends anymore, and she’d make new friends. she gulped at the thought of new friends. hopefully she did.

her parents were already sitting at the dining table. the kitchen was starting to look normal again because of the grocery shopping they did over the weekend. mrs grace set a bowl of cereal at the vacant spot of the table, along with a glass of water. there was a brown bag sitting on the kitchen counter. “ready for your first day?” she asked. nora nodded, despite feeling quite the opposite of ready. she was feeling the normal first day jitters, and she wasn’t really in the mood to listen to her parents saying that everything was going to be fine.

half an hour later, the three of them were in a car, on the way to the first destination which was nora’s new high school. once they reached the school, mr and mrs grace looked back at their daughter.

“have a good first day, baby.” mrs grace said. “remember, don’t trust everyone immediately.” mr grace warned. that made nora’s heart drop.

“i’m not naïve like that anymore, dad.” she muttered, fiddling with her chain. mrs grace gave her husband a pointed look, but that didn’t change his stern expression much. “i know you aren’t. it’s a reminder.”

i think i have enough memories that serve as reminders, thank you very much, she thought sarcastically. not wanting to start an argument, she nodded. “okay. see you later.”

“do you need a ride after school?” mrs grace asked. “your dad could–”

“nope. i’ll walk. bye!” nora said hurriedly, getting out of the car. their house wasn’t that far from their place anyway.

walking up to the school, her eyes scanned her surroundings. she couldn’t really identify anyone yet. a good sign, i guess? she thought, before entering the building. it was definitely much larger than her middle school.

here we go.

looking around, she tried to find the office to get her schedule and locker number and key, but found it to no avail. sighing, she knew she had to ask someone. who should i ask?

looking forward, she saw a hijabi leaning against the row of lockers, on her phone. nora walked to her. “hola.” she greeted, starling the girl a little. “hola.” she replied, putting her phone away. “need something?” she asked a little curtly, but nora understood why. everyone that was passing by them were giving them–her weird looks, and if they were with a friend, they’d immediately break into whispers. people really have nothing better to do other than gossip, huh. and have they never heard of muslim women who wore hijabs before?

“i’m new here.” nora admitted. “and i’m kinda having trouble finding the office. could you help me out?”

the other girl’s eyebrows raise. she then kicks herself off of the lockers. “new, eh?” when nora nodded, she shot another question. “where you from?”

“the states.” nora replied. “wisconsin, specifically. i used to live here, though.”

the girl nodded in understanding. “cool. i’m amira.” she said, extending her hand out. nora took it, and shook. “nora. nice to meet you.”

amira tried to hide a smile creeping onto her face. “well, what are we waiting for? let’s get you to the office.”

the girls talked more as they walked to the office and they found out that they were in the same grade. then after picking up her schedule, they also noticed they shared quite a few classes together too.

as amira continued to talk while they walked to their first period, nora smiled. my first friend, she realised. that wasn’t bad.

lunch rolled in and nora was currently sitting in the school cafeteria with amira and three other girls; viri, cris and eva. she’d met the other girls in her classes through amira and they immediately welcomed her into their friend group. speaking of classes, turned out that at the mention of her name, some people did recognise her and vice versa. and it wasn’t as scary talking to them again.

it really was just the first day jitters.

while they talked, cristian appeared at their table and greeted them–well, eva, and invited them to a party this friday. nora knew for a fact it was the awkward scrawny kid cris she knew. he still had that scar on his eyebrow.

cris didn’t seem to recognise her, though. he smiled at her. “hola,” he greeted her, “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you around. i definitely would’ve remembered a face like yours.” he sounded flirty.

nora smiled at him fondly. definitely not because of his greeting, but how much he changed over the years. he definitely boosted in the confidence area. “nora.” she said, as he kissed her cheeks.

cris’ eyebrows furrowed in thought for a few seconds, before returning back to his normal facial expression. “well, nice to meet you. and i expect to see all of you on friday.” and after puckering his lips in eva’s direction, he walked off.

nora looked at eva with her eyebrow raised. “he seems to fancy you.” she teased. eva rolled her eyes. “he’s a fuckboy,” she deadpanned, “he likes everyone.”

nora laughed. she then brought her water bottle to her lips, drinking out of it.

viri squealed. “we definitely have to go!” she exclaimed. “alejandro’s definitely going to be there.”

nora suddenly choked on her water at the mention of an alejandro. the girls looked back at her in concern. cris patted her back. “you okay, girl?” the blonde asked, and nora nodded. “yeah, drank too quickly.” she rushed out a response awkwardly. “um, who’s alejandro?”

viri’s jaw dropped. “you still don’t know who alejandro is?” she asked, before looking at amira accusingly (who lifted her hands up in surrender). cris grabbed eva’s phone from her hands, and went onto instagram.

“this, is alejandro.” she said, tapping on one of the photos.

and nora knew that it was her best friend alejandro. she’d recognise that narrow pale face and those hazel eyes anywhere. she let cris show her all of his photos, and despite always finding him handsome, he definitely left the baby look in the past.

nora also noticed that he barely smiled in any of the photos. maybe he left that behind too, she thought. cris closed the app, and handed her phone back to eva. “and viri’s soo in love with him.”

viri?

nora looked up at the beaming girl. “you like him?” she asked. the other girl grinned sheepishly. “he’s cute! the cutest. and sooo nice.”

amira snorted. “just because he said sorry after bumping into you doesn’t make him the nicest person.” she sassed. and before viri could have a say, she continued. “also, he’s a fuckboy too. he’s humping and dumping. pretty sure i saw him making out with alicia yesterday.”

cris let out a series of ‘ooo’s. “also saw denise crying in the bathroom yesterday.” she lowered her voice. “alejandro dumped her over text. apparently it was pretty rough.”

nora’s face fell. alejandro? she thought to herself uneasily. no, that couldn’t be my alejandro. the ale i knew couldn’t even hurt a fly.

“he just needs someone to change him.” viri stated confidently. eva smiled sarcastically. “and it’ll be you, won’t it, mrs beltrán de miguel?” she joked, elbowing the girl.

all the colour drained out of nora’s face.

it was alejandro.

“you okay, honey?”

nora stopped picking on the food on her plate and looked up at her mother. “yup.” she said, nodding for better effect. in reality, she really wasn’t. her head couldn’t wrap around the thought of alejandro becoming…. someone like that. what happened? what changed? she was in dire need for answers, but she had a feeling she’d never get them.

mr grace wasn’t at the table with them. he was still at the office. nora wasn’t expecting otherwise. usually, he’d come home at around 9 earliest. most days it was just nora and mrs grace having dinner together.

the older woman pursed her lips together as if she wanted to say something, but she eventually didn’t and dropped the matter. the two sat in silence, continuing with their dinner. all the small talk was done earlier that evening.

not feeling hungry anymore, nora stood up from the table and cleared out her plate before placing it into the dishwasher. she looked at her mother. “i’ll just be in my room doing homework.” she said half-heartedly. mrs grace nodded.

before she managed to make it to the stairs, the doorbell rang. nora’s eyebrows furrowed. who could that be? her dad wouldn’t be ringing the bell, he had a key. and she hadn’t disclosed her address to anyone at school.

maybe it’s a neighbour.

“i’ll get it!” she yelled, and walked to the door. peering through the peephole, her face fell. shock overtook her features. wait, that’s….

ding dong!

“nora?” her mother said her name. “i thought you had it!”

“i-i do.” she responded a little incoherently. she finally opened the door.

she was standing face-to-face with alejandro beltrán de miguel.  

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #170

this one’s a few days old and am just getting to posting it. don’t feel like rereading to change some old answers tho.

Do you tell your best friend everything? What might you omit? If she asked about a subject, I'd tell her. I wouldn't just be like "hey here's a little factoid I don't like talking about." Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yes. In your current or most recent romantic relationship, do/did you feel as though one of you settled? Not at all. What did your ex (or one of your exes) consider to be a dealbreaker in you? My depression. What seemingly small change have you made to improve your life this year? More drive to be an adult. Make the decision to try as hard as mentally possible to be more open about myself and not so scared of being found as "too weird." Does anyone in your family suffer from mental illness or substance abuse? Don't get me started on the first. I only know of my dad being a recovered alcoholic. What is the biggest gap in your employment history? How did/will you explain it to future employers? 0-19ish. Wasn't in the mental state to. Is there any part of your sexual/romantic history that you have not told your current significant other about or that you will not tell future partners about? She knows a lot. There's just one thing I'm not comfortable talking about yet. There's nothing I absolutely won't tell at any point - if you're in a serious relationship, they have the right to know. Has anyone ever tried to change your mind about something very personal, such as religion or wanting children? Children, yes. Colleen especially was convinced I was going to change my mind to an annoying degree. People have pushed me being a vet a whole lot, too. Do you ever hear about old school friends? Where are you high school friends now? Well, through FB. Most have stable jobs, some are extremely intelligent students headed towards amazing careers, some are parents. Most fell off the face of the earth. What is the most fun you can remember ever having under the influence? Cards Against Humanity. Has your Facebook relationship status ever been set to 'it’s complicated’? Why? Nooooo, and I seriously wish that option didn't even exist. Drama bait, whether intentional or not. What is the most beautiful/interesting name that you’ve ever personally known someone to have? Alon. Have you ever developed feelings for someone whose sexual orientation was incompatible with yours? Yes. How many relationships have you been in that actually got sexual? One. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? Me?????????????? At a party?????????????????????? What is your strongest sense? Maybe you don't count this because it's not a "real" sense, but I would say I have an incredibly strong "sixth sense" of just knowing when something is wrong, even with people I don't know well. I pick up bad emotions easily. But if you're just talking sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell, I suppose smell? Or taste. Could be why I'm so picky. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? There is NO telling. I believed some wild shit. HAHAHA OH MY GOD WAIT NO I BELIEVED I HAD "ANIMAL POWERS" UNTIL THE END OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Like, I could go into a "mode" where I had capabilities like those in certain animals, like with kangaroo powers, I could jump higher. God that was so embarrassing to write jfc what the fuck was I on. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? Mom. She gives food, water, and sometimes money to homeless people she trusts as actually being without a home. There are two or three people she's actually "friends" with. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? A V O I D What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? I make situations awkward. Just social anxiety in general. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? Okay, so I don't think I believe in angels, and I'm 99% sure this was a dream by now. But once as a little kid, I have a *very* strong memory of getting out of bed and going outside because I felt I needed to see something, and two swans came to the porch, turning into my grampa and favorite cat that had died. Then I went back inside, and that's all I remember. Still to this day that shit didn't feel like a dream, but. It probably was. What do you think about more than anything else? The future. What’s your all-time favorite town or city? Why? I dunno. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? The friendship with Megan. Do you Skype? With Sara. Have you ever called anyone ‘bro’ other than your actual brother? I'll call p much anyone that. Have you ever blocked someone on MySpace before? Maybe? What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? Pan meat lovers omfg. Stick with jalapeno tho with trying to at least lean towards vegetarianism. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? Eh... I think I've forgiven him. Do you scream at scary parts in a horror flick? No. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. How do you feel about weed? I'm totally for it medicinally. Helps with too many things. Otherwise, for reasons I've said in many old surveys, I don't believe it should be smoked. We already complain enough about cigarettes and lung cancer. How many people have you kissed that you weren’t dating? None. Who was the last person that ditched you? How did you react? Mini, I guess. Was hurt as fuck for years until I recently confronted her, and we're cool now. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt is like... my only male friend besides Dad. What size are the pants you’re wearing? Large, probably? Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I went neither way. Liked some songs, didn't like some, no opinion on others. Can you spot constellations in the night sky? Only the Big or Little Dipper. I dunno the difference. What kind of shampoo did you last use? I dunno exactly. Mom just put some in a smaller, nameless bottle for while I'm at Sara's. It's probably Suave, though. If you had a hippie bus, what would it look like? Gimme all the peace signs and trippy patterns. Have you ever hitchhiked? No. Would you rather hike a mountain or explore a cave? EXPLORE A CAVE BITCH Would you rather wear a flower crown or veil? For my wedding, probably a veil. I can't see a flower crown going with a (probably) black dress lmao. Do you go barefoot often? I'm always barefoot in the house, but outside, I always have shoes. What is your favorite thing to get high off of? N/A What type of tattoo do you want? Most of the ones I want hold personal meaning. There's few I want to get for solely aesthetic purposes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Favorite constellation? *shrug* Beach wedding, forest wedding, or English countryside wedding? Forest! Does pineapple belong on pizza? NO. Do you have any big plans for November? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? Christmas. I doubt Halloween's gonna be anything I'd like it to be. What was the last song you heard? "Letter" by Mother Mother is on. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? HAHAHAHA NO. How many days a week do you work? N/A Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Sara and Mom. Where did your eye color come from? Mom's dad had blue eyes, I think. Have you ever been in a recording studio? No. What is your worst relationship quality? I'm paranoid. I'm that "do you still like me?" person after marriage, I'm sure. What was your most recent serious injury? Does sun poisoning from Hell itself count? When was the last time you baked something for someone? Never lmao. Would you rather be kissed on the neck or on the lips? I mean it depends on the mood. What is one thing you’re not looking forward to in the next week? I'm going home Wednesday. Would you consider Christmas your favorite holiday? Second-fave. How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them? Way too fucking many. But it also depends on the offense and person. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yeah. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? Totally for. Would you say you’re more of a pessimist or optimist? I'm definitely a realist, but if I had to pick, I lean more towards pessimism. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? No. When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? Not really. Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much? I think I'm very friendly, just shy and awkward socially. When was the last time you ate something from Burger King? LEMME TELL YOU THIS SHIT. Months ago, I went for a veggie burger. THESE. IDIOTS. Put all the normal shit BUT NO PATTY IN A FUCKING BUN. WHEN THEY HAVE ACTUAL VEGGIE PATTIES. We waited forever, so Mom was already in a bad mood. She went in and the manager was livid; she gave us a free drink and fries. BUT, the burger fucking sucked, it was so overcooked. Sooo that was fun. When someone mentions a song, does it make you wanna listen to it? Rarely if it's a song I don't know, unless I like the artist. Song title may interest me, too. Who is the nosiest person you know? Do you like them anyways? BITCH ME. Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas? Okay so, I first watched it in school and I didn't like it at all. Then I started loving it??? I have like sooo much Jack stuff. What’s the best food to have at a sleepover? Pizza! Do you like the yellow Cheetos better or the orange ones? You mean normal or hot? Gimme them spicy boiz. Do you know anybody with different colored eyes? No. Are any of your relatives vets? Don't believe so. Who cleans the most in your house? Mom. I really need to do it more. Do you own any shirts that cost over 100$? Jfc no. What about any shoes? Do you think that’s a lot of money for clothes? No, and obviously. What’s the movie theater in your town called? Uhhh I think Cinemax? How many minutes do you consider late? Over five. What kinds of food do you dunk into milk? Some cookies. Do you have any current or past teachers on your Facebook friends? No. Are there any baby pictures of you up? On FB? No. Do you have any friends who have bleached blonde hair? Maybe Alon still does, idk. Are you wearing any jewelry that a boyfriend/girlfriend gave you? No. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Yeah. What’s the last thing you were excited to eat? A donut sobs. Who's the most romantic person you ever went out with? I dunno... none were/are like especially romantic. Is there anything hanging from the ceiling in your room? Some Pyramid Head gift tags, a stuffed fae dragon from WoW, and a cool lantern. Have you ever seen the last person you hugged dressed up fancy? Not in person, but in pictures. (If your parents married), Do you know where they got engaged? No. What was the last picture you printed of? The reference I made of my tattoo for the artist. What restaurant has the best fries? Bojangle's the Queen. What does your mailbox look like? Just a basic black one. Have you ever gotten something stuck on the roof? Probs as a kid. Does your computer make a lot of noise? Not really. Unless it's overheating. Who did you last drink or smoke up with? Mom and Sara. How many board games do you own? Idk, there's just a few in a cabinet in the living room. What does your BIGGEST mug look like? We don't have any really big ones. Newest musical discovery? I really love Powerwolf. Last thing you cleaned? Clothes. What exactly do you carry around all your stuff in? Purse. What do you carry around, typically? Phone, iPod, wallet, hand sanitizer, keys... Where is your newest scar? There's still a little scab on the bottom of my tat from heavy shading, but it's almost healed. If you mean like, "real" scar, cat scratch on my right hand. Where is your oldest scar? Ummm probably this random one on the top of my right wrist. No clue where it came from, been there for years. Last thing you disposed of? A bottle, I think? Are you good at recovering from injuries? I dunno. How many different public restrooms have you used this week? I think just one, at the reptile convention. Do you have more piercings or tattoos? Currently tied at six, but piercings the day I get home and get my tongue redone. What color and type is your vehicle? N/A Looking to upgrade or add any time soon? N/A What animal do you have the most possessions *of*, or featuring? Meerkats. What do you use to wash your dishes? Ugh, hands, gross. I refuse to have my own home that doesn't have a dishwasher. Last thing you measured? Ummm probably water when I was making ramen. Last thing you weighed? Myself. Do you talk to your parent(s) [almost] every day? Ma, yes. Last person to tell you that you smell good? Sara although I don't see how, I needed a shower. @_@ Last person you told that they smell good? Sara. How many iPhones have you had? One, I think? Last person you ran into unexpectedly? Good question. Last compliment you received on your appearance? Uhhh idk. On your character/personality? Sara's mom pointed out this morning that she liked how I watch out for Sara and reminded her to call the library (applied there) and it made me so happy alkdjowie. Her approval is important to me. Do you remain friends with anyone you met at your first job? No. Woulda liked to, but. How many chargers do you have for your current cell phone? One, though Mom's fits mine, too. Do you have a good work/life balance? N/A Have you ever ordered pizza online? Yeah. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Yeah. What color was the last fish you had? I couldn't tell you. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. Have you ever read in the bathtub? I may've as a kid? Does your animal sleep with you? Roman, pretty much always. Rarely Teddy, but hhe doesn't like getting off the bed; I put him on it if he wants, so getting down's the only thing. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? I think I have, but I don't recall for what? How many favorites do you have on YouTube? Holy shit idk. I used to favorite almost anything I liked, though for like a year or so now I've been really picky with what I favorite because it's become a playlist I go to that I know will cheer me up or are just videos I find very important. What kind was the last chip you ate? Uhhhh Lays, p sure. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rockband? I physically cannot play "Hotel California" by the Eagles without moving in some sort of way or singing.  The fucking solo ahhhhhhhhhh goosebumps every time.

[truthbeetoldmedia]

Wynonna Earp 3x02 "When You Call My Name" Review

Hello, a crestfallen Earper here *waves sadly*. Not really sure how to start — I’ve rewritten this review three times — so here goes my Wynonna Earp episode 3x02 “When You Call My Name” review, accompanied by the five stages of grief.

“Geez, We’re having a day” - Wynonna Earp

We pick up right where we left off at the end of the Season 3 premiere last week, with Wynonna and Waverly in a bad car accident that was apparently a hunting tactic of a gnarly people eating, voice stealing demon that lives in a cabin in the woods (cliche much, demon?). Wynonna awakes literally halfway down the side of a cliff...how she got there still puzzles me, but that is the least concern I had watching this episode.

She is still in her fancy “frock” (thanks for the colorful word, Mama Earp) from her run in with the vampires last episode. She is banged up and literally freezing, realizing her body is going into shock only after she recognizes she’s having a full on conversation with her mom on the side of a cliff, when she knows her mom is actually a patient in a nearby mental institution.  

It was actually such a great way to get to know “Mama” Earp, through Wynonna’s mind's eye, making quite the juxtaposition from the slightly raving Mama we met in the season premiere.  

Illusion!Mama Earp gives Wynonna a pep talk to climb to safety, but in doing so she has to leave Peacemaker down on the side of the cliff...which poses problems later. And after she's back on solid ground she grabs her coat and a swig of whiskey from the crashed truck and is off to save her sister, demons be danged!

“Secrets suck, I hate them!” - Jeremy Chetri

Over at Black Badge, the day just keeps getting worse. Nicole, of course, wasn’t convinced by the demon impersonating a chill Waverly. Jeremy confirms what killed all the people at the bar from the previous episode — it was a demon that can apparently apparate from one victim to another so quickly it made the mass murder seem like it happened at once. And they think he’s been doing it as a blood sacrifice to Bulshar for years and years, how reassuring! *insert nervous laughter*

The team knows they need to stop this demon fast, but first they gotta get the team together. Jeremy and Dolls obviously have a few secrets going on between them but Dolls keeps giving Jeremy the “don’t you dare” look. Upon my rewatch of this episode, I realized I should’ve felt more primed for the inevitable setup of what happens to Dolls in the last five minutes, I was but a sweet summer child when I was watching live and did not look for the blatant clues laid out before me.

“Craft night is Thursdays.” - Doc Holliday

Dolls goes to collect Doc so the team can assemble. Doc is downright FROSTY to Dolls and is missing that trademark sarcasm and humor that makes him so delightful. He is sad about Baby Alice, but more so his problem is that he died back in that alternate timeline in Season 2 when Dolls shot him. And he went to hell.

For a man that’s lived 150 years, most of those with his “curse” of immortality, that’s gotta be a very new and scary feeling, knowing you can die and that you went to hell. He seems to think he can’t be redeemed from that fate, and I hope he realizes that’s not true. “You and I are destined for the dark,” he tells Dolls, anger and anguish flashing in his wild eyes.

Dolls does not accept this gloomy fate, stating, “We’re not the same, I don’t need a threat of damnation to fight for the right side.” Ouch, what a burn. I hope Doc remembers Dolls’ words for the rest of his life. Doc has a chance to really step up his role in the team after this episode, I hope he rises out of his depression spiral and to the occasion of being a better team player.

Doc catches Jeremy looking for something in the basement of the bar and Jeremy alludes to Doc that there is definitely a problem with Dolls’ drugs...But before Doc can get too heated Nicole texts hims stating she’s found the Earp truck, prompting Doc to tell Jeremy, “Get Dolls, we’re gonna need him. Don’t tell him I said that.”

I am SOOO sad that we won’t have the mutual grumpy bro frenemies relationship of Doc and Dolls after this episode. It adds so much life and one liners to this wild show.

“I swear on my favorite boy band” - Wynonna Earp

Poor Waverly is still strung up like a slain rabbit in the demons cabin, with no voice to cry for help, silently hoping Wynonna and the team come for her. The demon booby trapped his cabin, as a poor lost hunter finds out the hard way; the demon lures the hunter to his death by doorway garrote, crying for help with Waverly's stolen voice. As only Wynonna could state, “This is some kinda crazy Little Mermaid sh*t” when she arrives at the cabin to save her kid sis. Of course, being sisters makes the whole talking without talking thing pretty easy and Wynonna and Waverly even have a heart to heart about Mama without Waverly using words.

I’d also like to point out the cabin demon saying “The trees are changing, I’m getting lost in my own woods, the animals are leaving,” given that the animals didn’t leave with his demonic presence but are now that Bulshar’s presence is there….CONCERNS me. I have a feeling this seemingly random line is gonna come back to haunt the team and the town pretty soon as was proof of the rock n roll tour bus vampires last episode, Purgatory is about to get a whole lot weirder.

Of course Wynonna is wily and cunning, and bests the demon at his own game by running away and using a tape recorder to make him think she fell in his pit trap, only to kick him in herself (but when she left him he was “mostly” dead since she didn’t use peacemaker to dispatch him, I hope she went back and finished the job) . She is caught in one of his tree snares and strung up to be cut down by a still grumpy Doc and the ever reliable officer Haught.

Wynonna still checking out Doc’s butt while hanging upside down is just another iconic Wynonna moment from this episode. If only they all went back to Black Badge and had drinks with Dolls and Jeremy and it was the end of another crazy demons in town episode….but alas, this is where the episode takes a sudden “wtf” turn and I — and most of us live watchers — were left reeling for hours afterwards.

As Doc and Nicole help Wynonna down we cut to someone watching in the woods. It’s the dreaded demon Bulshar himself and his “bodyguard” demon, looking on as the team runs to free Waverly. Insert Han Solo saying, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

“Wynonna is gonna need you more than ever” - Deputy Marshall Xavier Dolls

So here we are, friends, the reason I have dragged my feet on this review the last few days. The one thing about these last few scenes is we get to see the beautiful snowy Alberta terrain in all its natural rugged beauty.

Wynonna needs to retrieve Peacemaker, so they are back at the cliff, and Nicole is rapelling down via rope to get grab the weapon (her being the only skilled rope climber out of the current group). Of course Dolls shows up to assist and assess; Nicole is literally tethered to the rope at the mercy of Wynonna and Doc, while Dolls helps Waverly to his car when lo and behold the “apparating” demon appears!

It’s Bulshar’s bodyguard demon from earlier! And he is Nightcrawler-from-X-Men fast. He severs Nicole’s rope; Wynonna saves her by grabbing the rope and holding on for dear life; Doc goes into gunslinger mode; but the demon is too fast for him and he renders Doc unconscious in less than 20 seconds. Dolls sees the mayhem, shoves Waverly in the truck, drinks his “dragon drugs” and goes up against the demon.

As the demon is trying to take out Wynonna he gleefully states “You cannot kill me with mortal weapons” as Dolls shoots at him. Waverly answers Jeremy’s emergency comcall informing her that the drugs he’s been making for Dolls have made him “unstable.” Meanwhile, Nicole begs Wynonna to let go and save herself but she refuses, and Waverly adds just enough strength to pull Nicole to safety.

The demon tells them, “Someone must die here today, the earth lusts for blood.” (YIKE!) Doc comes to and is up on his feet they all have that look like “there’s a good chance we’re all gonna die” but Dolls grabs onto the bodyguard demon and doesn’t let go, his eyes turning yellow and his strength increasing. All of a sudden, flames are shooting out of his mouth, engulfing himself and the demon. The demon is incinerated by Dolls’ dragon flame, and Dolls is left lifeless on the ground.

“No more pain. No more drugs. No more demons.” - Wynonna Earp

Wynonna and the team rush to Dolls’ side, checking his pulse, his breath, for any sign that he’s alive. Even Doc is shaken to his very core when Dolls doesn’t “wake up.” Wynonna and Waverly begin to cry and Wynonna, like many of us, is in disbelief.

“He saved us. He saved me. How is this okay? How is he lying here?” Wynonna, bb, I was asking my TV the same questions. She keeps saying, “Open your eyes,” it’s heart wrenching and honestly confusing because it doesn’t feel like a final death in the moment? I was thinking it was gonna be like Supernatural or The Vampire Diaries where it’s a temporary death that they have to “fix.”

It wasn’t until afterwards when I got online and saw the article from Emily Andras (the showrunner) and once I learned Shamier Anderson was moving onto Hollywood projects that I realized it was final. I was left feeling kinda numb. Like, that’s all we get?

Yes, he did go out a hero saving his friends; yes, he did kill the demon, but in the grand scheme of “leading man exiting series” it didn’t feel grand enough? It was too short. What about tying up loose ends? How did he become a hybrid lizard man? What about his and Wynonna’s will they won’t they relationship? How did he join Black Badge?

I have so many unanswered questions about his character! It just doesn’t feel complete.

I love this show a lot. It’s fun! Daring! It thinks outside the box! BUT I have noticed sometimes plot threads are dropped or aren’t coherent. (Like the Season 2 finale scene between Nicole and Dolls, what even was that for? Will we ever know?!?!) And I for one HATE plot holes or misdirection in TV shows, I feel like they do it for shock or to keep you guessing…but if there isn’t any payoff or it’s done haphazardly it’s not worth my time.

The more I cover TV shows for critical analysis or review platforms like Truth Bee Told, the more annoyed I get with the way some things are written/executed. This wasn’t a terrible job by far. But why couldn’t the whole episode be dedicated to Dolls' story? Having a good moment with each character, a little backstory fleshing out etc. Instead, they give him the last five minutes of the episode to go out in a “blaze of glory” and leave Wynonna wailing in the snow.

I will hold out judging more until I see next week’s episode! Maybe they do some post mortem work on Dolls story that will satisfy me...but I’m actually kinda afraid that’s not going to happen. But until next week I will stop my rambling about it.

Final thoughts

Besides the ending we got some fabulous witty one liners, great physical acting (Melanie gave that charades scene her all and it was amazing!)

I loved learning more about Mama Earp (her name is Michelle, by the way).

We have some things that will probably come back up, like the forest literally changing.

Bulshar is shaping up to be the worst villain Wynonna has had, but he needs to talk soon, I grow tired of these “looks on menacingly” once an episode scenes. I need him to be fleshed out like Bobo (who is still by far my fave baddie to date).

I give this episode 3 ½ out of 5 bees because I’m feeling a little petty but also because I feel this episode wasted too much time setting up what should’ve been the focal point of the episode the sacrifice and death of Dolls. Until next time, Earpers!

Wynonna Earp airs Fridays at 9/8c on Syfy.

Gina’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝.5

[chroniclesmuslim]

February 10th, 2018

**real names have been changed for the sake of privacy. YES i changed the name of my muslim crush and friends to christian names. If you have any advice for me or any comments, please feel free to leave them. just a regular muslim girl trying to find love (the halal way)

So nothing really has changed since i made my last update. I texted him yesterday and initiated conversation. I kinda felt weird doing it though since this whole scenario is weird in general. i'm used to him hitting me up in the mornings while he’s at work and starting a convo and tbh i think the main reason why i feel kinda iffy about messaging him first is because he had also told me in his "tbh" moment that the reason he wasnt 100% interested in the beginning was because he felt off about how i initiated us talking from the beginning. that a girl should make a guy feel lucky to have her and that he also figured that since i was the first to make the initial move, that must’ve meant i've done this in the past with other guys.

kinda funny though considering he's the first guy i've ever tried talking to. im sure he realized after the thursday meeting (if he was still unsure) that i've never done this before. highlighted by my awkwardness + shyness. i remember there was a moment where there was a silence and i looked up to him looking at me. which kinda freaked me out and made me look down, and when i looked up again he was still staring at me. and legit i looked up and down for a solid 10-15 seconds. ugh im legit sooo awkward lol why can't i talk. but on a side note i just found out that some guys find a girl being shy as "cute". i hardly think he thought my behavior was cute though lol more so annoying for the fact that we ARE friends and i didnt know how to act like one.

i know that even though when i met him on monday for the first time (since like last year), i was even more shy. I would cover my face and mouth with my hands and not look at him that much. but he was able to control the conversation and kept making jokes etc etc. that was the main difference between the first meeting and the second. i was less shy in the second meeting but i guess my awkwardness was rubbing off onto him. i dont know how it'll go this week (heck idk if we'll even still meet) but i hope that i can be more myself and show him that im not as boring and awkward as ive been making myself out to seem. and i also hope he can take control again for when i DO slip up and get quiet.

but anyways back to the whole texting thing. i messaged him and it has been kinda choppy. tbh the flow of our texts is kinda similar to the flow of how our meeting went. choppy and silent lol. i keep thinking that he probably regrets talking to me and that he doesn't really wanna have communication with me anymore. it makes me feel sad. i want to bounce back at least through our texts but im not sure how to anymore. i forgot how we used to talk and how we used to be able to talk about nothing for hours. i dont know how to do that anymore which is weird considering that its only been 2 days since i was last able to. again i guess he's being nice about it but i feel like he's partly ignoring me again. like how he used to ignore me last semester. the only thing that made me kind of optimistic was how he mentioned that if i ever do come to see his dad at their store, his dad might think i was a druggie or something since not many desis come around to that area. he was basically trying to make a joke about my presence at the store after talking to his dad about another muslim customer that walked in. so that means he at least thought of me when he was joking with his dad. and then he sent me a snap afterwards of a song on the radio. which made it feel normal again.

i guess i might be overthinking everything but i KNOW that this next meeting will probably determine how things will go. i dont want to mess it up and i've been thinking of different ways to go about it. i wanted to text him and tell him how it's just hard for me to be myself with him in person still and i need to feel a little more comfortable around him before we can develop a flow in our conversations and stuff but then i figured i might as well tell him that in person. so at least thats one conversation we can have the next time i see him. plus he's a nice guy, one of the good ones, so i feel like if i told him how i genuinely feel and acknowledge the fact that im uncomfortable then he might feel the need to make me more comfortable. i also told “Amanda” about everything and she wants to come make a "guest appearance" the next time we meet up to kinda help navigate the conversation and make me feel more at ease with her presence.

i also DONT want to meet again at the cafeteria on campus. first of all, its soooo hard for me to hear him when we're in there. i guess bc of the kitchen and of the starbucks line and everyone sitting and talking near us and the fans overhead etc etc. i realized that one of the main reasons why our conversation was so choppy was also because i had made a mental list of everything i wanted to talk to him about (in hopes of not running out of something to say) but because of my list, i kept jumping from one topic to the next without actually stopping to LISTEN to what he had to say and then ask him a follow up question. like how the heck do i forget how to listen??? such common knowledge but of course i effed up on that too lol. another reason why i dont want to meet at the cafeteria is because i dont like sitting right across from him, it feels like we are in an interview and it doesn't help me relax but makes things worse for me. plus there's nothing to really do at the cafeteria. he eats only zabihah so we cant even order food. i was thinking maybe we could go to the gameroom and play a card game like uno or something. i know he wanted to go to the gym on campus and sit on the benches for the basketball court so we had more "privacey" aka not as many people around to bump into us lol but that's also kind of scary. because then we can't have a break and talk about someone we just saw and we would also be forced to pay 100% attention to each other. i dont know if i want him to pay that much attention to me when im acting all goofy the way that i am. but i know that if we go to the gym it would make more sense if “Amanda” bumped into us since she's always there exercising to begin with.

i just hope he hasn't given up hope on me. it's so weird to think about where we were a few days ago to where we are now. we were so comfortable and honest with each other. we still are honest and stuff but we aren't talking as much. we aren't sharing things anymore. it kind of feels like we are preparing for things to not work out. but i want things to work out. I know “Bill” and “Samantha's” relationship in the beginning was similar to ours. but they had the opportunity to see each other multiple times throughout the week so they got over this phase quicker. we only have the chance to maybe see each other once a week and since its a hassle for him to begin with he might just figure it's best to give up on the whole idea. i dont want him to give up on me.

i just realized its 12:01 AM and i missed Isha namaaz. so i have to make that up. i've been praying for him in my duas. before i would pray for his MCAT score and either an acceptance to medical school or for Allah swt to show him a path that will be the most beneficial and satisfying to him and his deen. now im starting to pray again and make dua that if we are meant to be then make it easy for us. (also for us to be meant for each other lol). i guess the reason why i feel so strongly for him is bc i haven't met any guy or even heard of another guy as hard working as him, as focused as him, as god fearing as him. we match in what we want in this dunyaa. and when i think about him in my future i see someone that i can pray with and be happy with. someone that i can feel safe with. i just hope he doesn't give up on me.

just take it one day at a time.

[wereonthemoonbitch]

✨ 92 Statements ✨

I was tagged by @salt-throne thanks! 

RULES: You must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Sparkling lemonade. My mom bought it for a potluck and like it’s not bad but it’s not good? idk haha

2. Phone call: My friend called me but I missed it. Last call I actually answered was from my moms friend. 

3. Text message: “k that works” 

4. Song you listened to: Praying by Kesha

5. Time you cried: Today i woke up crying from a nightmare. Which happens a lot tbh. They’re not like scary nightmares either more like super sad and I start crying in my dream and then I wake up crying? 

6. Dated someone twice: Nope

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No

8. Been cheated on: No 

9. Lost someone special: My grandpa 

10. Been depressed: lmao i’m suffering from depression right now 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yeah once and it was terrible 

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12.-14. periwinkle, blue, and black

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes!

16. Fallen out of love: Haven’t fallen in love yet so theres no possible way for me to have fallen out of it

17. Laughed until you cried: Too many times to count 

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah but not in a bad way

19. Met someone who changed you: Yeah 

20. Found out who your friends are: I have like two friends and my sister and they’re the best <3

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Lmao no. Facebook who? Like I’m surprised I still even have a Facebook. I should delete my account tbh.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them? I don’t follow people I don’t know. But also i haven’t accepted any friend requests in like the past 5 years which shows you how much i don’t gaf about my Facebook acount anymore. 

23. Do you have any pets: i have two fat cats named Oreo and Daisy and then a dog named Eliza. 

24. Do you want to change your name: No

25. What did you do for your last birthday: I went to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner at the Mall of America (because I've never been to a Hard Rock Cafe) and it was my 21st birthday. Also the waiter asked if I wanted to go up on stage with him and he got everybody in the restaurant to say happy birthday to me it was magical. And of course I got drunk and was laughing while walking through Nickelodeon Universe (after the park was closed) back to our car. 

26. What time did you wake up: 10:30

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Game of Thrones. I’m rewatching before the new season starts. 

28. Name something you can’t wait for: To meet my long distance girlfriend in person. 

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: An hour ago. She left to bring Eliza to the dog park. 

31. What are you listening to right now: There’s a Honey by Pale Waves. They only have one song out right now and I need more. They were opening for the 1975 when I went to their concert and they were AMAZING live.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Not that I can remember but probably?

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: The FACT THIS IS 92 QUESTIONS???? WHY. WOULDN’T. YOU. JUST. MAKE. IT. 100????? I have questions

34. Most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube for sure

35.-37. Apparently theres no 35-37 question? Weird. So either someone deleted the questions by accident or the person making it miscounted and this should really be 89 questions? 

38. Hair colour: Light brown 

39. Long or short hair: It’s getting a little too long again I need to get a haircut

40. Do you have a crush on someone: No

41. What do you like about yourself: Being an understanding person

42. Piercings: I have ear piercings but I haven’t worn any piercings in so long.

43. Blood type: Idk haha

44. Nickname: Manda

45. Relationship status: Taken by @jhopesmexicanhoe

46. Zodiac: Taurus 

47. Pronouns: She/Her

48. Favorite TV show: I got a few right now. Game of Thrones, Orphan Black, and Wynonna Earp are probably my top 3 at the moment

49. Tattoos: No but I want one

50. Right or left handed: Left handed 

51. Surgery: I had reconstructive jaw surgery a few years ago because I was born with an open bite. Had to eat/drink out of a straw for 6-8 weeks and I couldn’t eat anything chewy or hard for like 3 months. Good smoothies and milkshakes were a lifesaver tho (don’t ever try a pizza smoothie lmao just don’t)

52. Piercing: This tag is cursed. 

53. Sport: Yeah right. 

55. Vacation: The last vacation I went on was to St Thomas US Virgin Islands and it was amazing! The scenery and beaches were beautiful. I got to swim with the cutest sea turtles out in the wild. And the food was sooo good. Also their rum is cheap af. 

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i eat out a lot which is probably bad

58. Drinking: I mostly just drink pop and water (too much pop tho my gf doesn’t approve haha)

59. I’m about to: Try to work on some fan videos i’m making of different ships I like.

WHERES 60??????? CURSED

61. Waiting for: 7:45 tonight so I can see Spiderman: Homecoming haha

62. Want: To fall in love

63. Get married: I want to get married someday

64. Career: I’m still undecided but I know I want to work in the medical field

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs because I've never been kissed (yet)

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes

67. Shorter or taller: I don’t care

68. Older or younger: Someone who is my age or close to my age

WHY YOU LEAVE OUT 69???? 

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: All arms and stomachs are beautiful

71????? 92 QUESTIONS IS A LIE

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant af

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: No

75. Drank hard liquor: Yeah 

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lose my glasses more times than I can count and then I end up finding them in the stupidest places. 

77. Turned someone down: I’ve turned like family and friends down when they’ve wanted to go do things and I just wasn’t in the mood. But turning someone down that wanted to go out with me nope.

78. Sex on the first date: Nah

79. Broken someone’s heart: Not yet and I hope I never do

80. Had your heart broken: No

81. Been arrested: No

82. Cried when someone died: Yeah I cried when my grandpa died

83. Fallen for a friend: Haha yes but thats history and she was straight af

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Sometimes

85. Miracles: Yes

86. Love at first sight: No

87. Santa Claus: Santa Claus is real binch

88. Kiss on the first date: Yeah why not

89. Angels: No not really

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: Megan

91. Eye colour: Hazel

92. Favourite movie: I don’t watch that many movies but at the moment it’s probably Wonder Woman

I’m tagging: @jhopesmexicanhoe @promoteselfsoothing @fanofdeadships @gbrenes but if you’re smart you’ll probably not do this because it took me forever and it’s a cursed tag

[thirstyfortom]

Hi there! Do u write fics? I was thinking about 707’s route and I love fics about the time MC and him were in the apartment, I love all that tension! I was wondering if I could get a fic where MC has a douche ex-boyfriend who keeps calling her and she is very uncomfortable, Seven notices and wants to help, but he’s trying to stay away from her and all that. What do u think?

Hello! Inever tried writing fics because, tbh, my english is not that good and myvocabulary is a little limited, so I’m always worried it’ll come out poorlywritten. However… one of the reasons I started writing was to improve my Englishafter all, and yeah, I’m also a sucker for the tension between MC and Saeyoung inRika’s apartment, not gonna lie. So… I’ll try and let’s see how it goes?

FIC: MC and Seven dealling with MC’sabusive ex-boyfriend

TW: Contain mentionings about abusive behavior

He wascalling for the fifth time now, jeez, couldn’t he get the hint? You didn’t wantto talk with him, you even avoided talking about him with your friends eversince the break-up. It’s been 2 and a half weeks, the first one was pure hell,you felt guilty, you wanted to apologize and try to understand his side.  You must have done something wrong, you didn’tgive him enough attention, enough love? That’s why he cheated on you? And theway you took revenge on him… oh my god, you were so cruel! Locking him outsidethe apartment only in his underwear? Did you really need to lower yourself tothis level?

Then, youdownloaded a weird app and were led to this apartment. Being in some strangers’place didn’t seem the best idea at first, but it really surprised you how muchthis situation helped you resist the urge of swallowing your pride and crawlingto him to apologize for something you were right from the beginning. And thingsgot even clearer in your head when you started chatting with those reallyinteresting people, specially the redhead one.

He was easyto talk, he was able to get your weird jokes (your ex would just scold you forsaying nonsense) and he sounded so caring and sweet in a very unique way. Evennow, when he was sharing the apartment with you, being rude and distant, youcould still see how much he was worried about you, he wasn’t being mean ortrying to nag you just to make you feel insecure about yourself and run to him,you know, like those gross pick-up artists do, like your ex boyfriend did.

You didn’thave much time to think about him, you were trapped with a bomb and another guywho was struggling with so many problems in his life, your break-up seemed …futile. But it probably wasn’t futile for your ex, so he kept calling over andover. And you didn’t want to pick up, you didn’t want to listen to any shittyexcuse he could possibly come up with, and, most important, you didn’t wantSeven to hear you.

Sevennoticed you were tense that day, generally you were always bubbly and talked alot even when he didn’t answer. Today you were pacing back and forth in thebedroom, and he couldn’t remind the last time you actually said something tohim. Did you finally understand you had to keep your distance from him? Well,that was a relief… wasn’t it?

But whysuch a sudden change? This was nothing like you… being tense and quiet, nottrying to make him eat with you or just hang with you a little, were youfinally done? This was the right thing, but… why was he feeling empty? He was…missing your attention? Missing you?

“Hey” hewent to you in the bedroom. You were so caught up in your thoughts you didn’tnotice him at first. “MC?”

“Y-yes, doyou need something, Seven?”

“No, I was…just checking if you were awake.”

“Well, Iam. Something else?” you didn’t mean to be rude, but it came out that way, youwere sooo tense.

“Oh no…sorry to bother you, it won’t happen again. Just… go eat something.”

“ Yeah,yeah” you didn’t even look at him, you were staring at your phone, texting oneof your friends and trying to ask her to talk to your ex for him to leave youalone. You felt so bad for not dealing with your own shit, but you really didn’twant Seven listening to this, seeing how pathetic you are over this guy.

“So, gonow, MC. Don’t skip your meals just beca…”

“Justbecause you are, yeah, yeah, I know, you’ve already told me that.” You interruptedhim and went to the kitchen. Seven was puzzled, this was nothing like you atall, so he followed you to the kitchen. “C-Can I help you, Seven?” his goldeneyes were analyzing you, could he actually see right through you?

“I’ll justeat with you, I mean, I’ll just sit and eat while you are eating too.“

“Alright”.  Now he was scared, did he cross some line?That’s why you sounded so mad?

That was anawkward meal, both of you staring your food, he gave quick glances to you, youlooked so worried… and then you looked scared when you heard your phone ringingin the bedroom. You ran like a bolt, turned it off and went back to thekitchen,  gasping and shaking a little.Okay, this was hella suspicious!

“MC, areyou okay?”

“Sure.” Youcouldn’t look him in the eyes.

“Are yousure?”

“Why do youcare, Seven? You said yourself that nothing concerning how I feel was of yourbusiness!” Oh shit! You immediately regretted your words.

“Yes, but…you look all tense and worried, it’s because of the bomb? I already changed thealgorithm, so don’t worry.”

“I said I’mfine.”

“But you’renot! The way you ran to your phone just now…” And something clicked into hismind. “Wait! Is… my brother calling you?”

“What? No!No, of course not! I would… I would tell you right away if he did, Seven!” nowyou were staring at him, he could tell you were not lying.

“So what isit? Is Jumin trying to pressure you to reveal the address?”

“No! It’snothing about RFA, I-I swear! It’s personal…but it’s no big deal, I’m alreadyon it and… well, not as if you cared, right?” You had to stop talking aboutthis before he found out.

“Yes, ofcourse… sorry to be nosy.” He looked down, and just when you thought it wasover, he quickly grabbed your phone, you were shocked. “Hey! What-what are youdoing?”

“Somethingis off with you! And I… hate to see you like this, I… can’t focus if something’swrong with you…”

“But youcan’t just take my phone like this!”

“Well, Ihacked into it once, right? I can do it again, at least I’m doing this in frontof you”

“Seven,please, don’t…” you felt your voice breaking as he unlocked the phone “Trust meand let it go…”

“Who’s thisguy and why did he call you the whole day?” He thought and remembered this namein your background check, he used to be your boyfriend. “Oh… I get it now.”

“Seven…”you felt warm tears roll down in your face. “It’s not what you thinking… it’s…”

“You brokeup a couple weeks before you joined the RFA, right? I saw you changed thestatus on your fb page… Is he bothering you?”

“I’malready on it, don’t worry.”

“It seemsto me you’re just avoiding him. Is he bothering you?”

You didn’thave to answer, the phone started ringing again, your eyes widened and you keptlooking to Seven, nodding negatively for him to not pick up.

“Hello?”but he picked up.

“Huh? Who’sthis? Where’s MC?”

“MC is verybusy right now, would you like to leave a message?” he was talking like asecretary, you’d definitely be laughing if this wasn’t such an awful situation.

“Who areyou, dude?”

“I’m MC’spersonal concierge, sir. What can I do for you?” Seven put the call on speakerso you could hear it too.

“Huh?Personal what? Are you her new boyfriend? I knew that bitch was on to somethingwhen she disappeared, God…” you felt your breath stop, that tone was sofamiliar, but he never called you a bitch, at least not to your face.

“Now, sir,this is not very polite, is it? If you don’t have anything meaningful to say, I’lljust…”

“Tell thatslut that she got some nerves making me look like a fool in front of the entireneighborhood. And bouncing to another dick already… god, my friends warnedabout her.”

“Well, yourfriends should’ve warned you about never talking about a lady like this. Sincethey didn’t, I am warning you. Oh, I’m also warning you if you keep botheringher, I’ll dig up your whole life and make it a living hell, you got me?”

“Are youthreatening me? You a gangsta or what? What is this bitch doing with her life?”

“Okay, that’sit!” Seven went to his computer, typed something really fast. You kept watchingthis whole scene as if it wasn’t happening to you, like you were an outsiderseeing the man you once loved showing his ugliest side to the man you love now.Everything was so confusing. “Oh, I see here you have very strong opinionsabout immigrants and refugees, right, sir? And you also enjoy pick up artistsforums… I wonder if the company you work for share these values,  wouldn’t be interesting sending your internethistory to your boss?”

“Dude, whatthe fuck?”

“Oh, andthose photos of you in underwear on the street… priceless! What could I do tothose? A lot is coming to my mind…”

“Stop,dude! Or I’ll”

“Or you’llleave MC alone and never look for her again, right? Or else I’ll leakeverything in a matter of seconds. MC is a smart, adorable and amazing woman,and you don’t even deserve a chance to apologize to her so just get lost! Takethis as an opportunity to learn how to respect women, your asshole! Now, if you’llexcuse me, MC’s gonna bounce to a dick, apparently.” He hang up, and your mouthwas fully open in a shocked state. “That will keep him away, ok? Don’t worryanymore.”

“Seven…”what could you possibly say right now? Seven was so scary, and yet so…interesting and a little funny to watch, your ex’s voice getting lower like awhisper, you could feel him breaking and realizing he had nowhere to hide, nothreats to make, no way to make you feel powerless and fragile. And this man infront of you… oh God! You loved his strength, his fierceness, the way he couldmake you feel like this amazing woman, how he would fight for you even when hehas so many problems right now… you loved him so much!

Telling himright now would be so inappropriate, right? You wanted to rush over him, givehim the tightest hug and kiss him till he could feel all your passion anddesire for him. But you couldn’t, so you came closer to him, gave him a quickand innocent kiss in his cheek and whispered a “thank you”, then you justleaned your head on his chest.

He hopedyou couldn’t hear his heartbeat speeding up, at least you couldn’t see himblushing. He wanted to pull you for a hug, but he knew how you would understandthat, he didn’t deserve you or your kindness… protecting you from awful menlike that was the only thing he could do, but if you could see how awful he washimself… you wouldn’t be here so close like that, resting your head oh him,showing your most brilliant side to him, he didn’t deserve your brilliant sideat all… so he awkwardly gave you two pats on your back.

“Be carefulof men from now on, I won’t be here to help you forever.” And he pulled youaway from him, resisting the needing of look deeply into your eyes.

“I will.” Andyou headed to the bedroom.

“Hey, MC?”

“Yes,Seven?”

“Did youreally lock him outside your building on his underwear?”

“Yes, I did.So watch out! Try not to get on my bad side too much, okay?”

And youturned your back on him. If only you two could see how much you both were smilingright now…

[angel-nero]

I was tagged by @wonderseverythingabove @glaspaladin and @kageyama-tobiyo sorta idk

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag

phone


napkins

Money


lipstick

mints/halls (i drink too much Coke to be eating mints and I bought two packages and… oh god)

Five Things In My Bedroom:

computer

books

huge ass scary wardrobe

clothes everywhere

a lot of lamps cus I like to draw and I am super blind.

no posters cus they never keep there. old 14 years old me wasnt happy about it 

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

play piano

learn more languages

travel a lot


dance ballet

art

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

food

art supplies

good education

my dog! Fuck! I love my dog!

buying things I want

Five Things On My To-Do List:

enter uni

chill


study for uni

recovery

laundry yeah same

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

I get anxious a motherfucking lot about everything and no one irl knows besides my bffs. And family last year.

I eat a lot but can’t win weight and i am super skinny and look sick all the fucking time but…..

I might actually be v sick lmao. Im doing studies rn 

apparently I have french accent LMAO 🤠💦 some mx pals even asked me if I’m french and im like???? No??? i just cant focken speak right, okay? 

Im a coastal who doesnt likes seafood and old ppl constantly tell me shit about how i am missing the joy of life or how i am actually not a resident. yea, u rite, i am an alien 

Name?: Gabriela

Nicknames?: Bowie in school 🤠💦 gab, gabs, babe (gabe), uh, gabalooney toones? Idk dawn is nuts. dont call me gaby pls that's my mom 

Zodiac?: aries, constantly annoyed and an annoyance

Sexual Orientation?: Fuck this question honestly

Ethnicity?: mexican/Spanish but born in México, you get? Mexican

Favorite Fruit?: grapes

Favorite Season?: Summer. im a sucker for summer, find me in the beach, its too fucking hot so everyone wants to die

Favorite Flower?: idk i dont frikin care leave them alone

Favorite Scent?: scents that ain’t too strong. I rather breathe fresh air for all my life cus sometimes, no matter what smell, get me nervous 🤠💦 just… never food. any food

Favorite Animal?: all animals are cute I don’t play favorites

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: Hot chocolate even if it kills me. then coffee and kill tea. The only i’ve had is fuze tea lmao. tea i believe is fucking bad in here and this city is too hot to actually care. i love frappes

Cat or dog?: dogs

Dream Trip?: idk, bex’s ufo spots is actually a good one but i wouldn’t like to go to merica. Also… i wanna go to yucatán and see the place where the meteorito crashed and killed the fucking dinosaurs. and i think yucatán has a beach w pink water!!!! but nvm i checked and apparently you cant see shit. just take me somewhere idc

Number of Followers?: never will tell u

What do I post about?: i have two blogs. I used to post Queen/beatles pics and gifs and shitposts. In this one i was sooo quiet for like, 2 and a half years, I barely followed anyone and stopped entering once cus all i saw was su and v0ltr0n i was so lost in my dash 🤠💦 came back this year and its good 😎 and…… idk just texts i tag under bullshit.txt if u wanna block em. i wont b posting jaaaackshit

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: blep? Sometimes. I laugh cus when I was so quiet I answered em all on private. Look, that experience is fuckin hilarious to me cus i didnt have hopes of the anime fandoms or whatever   

Favorite Band?: queen. But i love a lot of music bruh. Queen was my first fav band so shut the fuck up and eat dirt if you say something

Aesthetic?: bleeeh bleh bleeeh bru the sun, keith, the desert, the beach, the sky, the universe, fight club and trainspotting, big buildings, parties, cool stories, me dyin

Fictional Character I’d Date?:  Eren 🤠💦. Listen…. I love him, and i knew about him when we were both 15… it’s special….. and now we are both 19….. and we’re so alike. I picked him so we could b friends actually he a little motherfuck

Hogwarts House?: gryffindor 

Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses (all the fucking time)

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined (i didnt even kno about this i checked a birthday pics w my friends and i had a croptop an suddenly i had abs. its from laughing probably)

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well (my throat is super fucked fam i barely can speak :/)

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling 

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports (bleeh sometimes)

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships 

I have never been in a relationship (almost v close actually)

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close at my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce (axayactl but its easy tho and whe called him axa!)

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life (yah whatever who care)

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

i dont kno who to tag, idk who is down for this lm but if you see this and wanna do it…………… bbbbleaaassseeeee consider yourselfie tagged ily we dont have to b mutuals. tag me tho so i can read it!!!!!!!! i‘d love to