#that island is painful but not more painful than being vulnerable.

[makotonaegiunderstander]

do you ever go do autism crazy for something you can feel it in ur chest. like it’s hard to breathe almost it’s making you gasp for breath and jump around physically. got an adrenaline rush thinking abt Kirigiri.

[totalswag]

worthy of love — RAFE CAMERON

authors note something short and cute for you guys. also, rafe deserves to be treated with the love that he desires. he just wants to be understood yall.

paring mean!rafe x soft!reader

summary soft!reader wants to show mean!rafe that he's worthy of love but he pushes reader away until one day he finally knows what love truly feel like.

warnings neglect, feeling unworthy of love, ward being a shitty father, and a lovely happy ending.

Rafe Cameron believed he would never be capable of love in his life.

Raised in a family where love was a rare commodity, Rafe grew up believing that affection, vulnerability was a weakness that should be avoided at all costs. But little did he know that someone was about to turn his life upside down and teach him the true meaning of love.

You.

His father, Ward Cameron, is part of the reason Rafe is the way he is. Ward tells him to man up rather than express his feelings and be vulnerable. Overall, his father has never treated him with the proper care compared to his two younger sisters. This sent Rafe into a downward spiral, leading to a darker path in his life. Rafe held his guard up.

You entered his world like a breath of fresh air, bringing with you a warmth and tenderness he had never felt before. Rafe first rejected your presence, pushing you away with his harsh remarks and cold demeanor. But you saw through his strong facade, understanding the agony and vulnerability that lay underneath the surface.

"Why do you treat me like this? I’m not someone that deserves to be loved." 

Rafe was initially perplexed as to why, of all the people on the island, someone as kind and gentle as you would want to be with him. 

One of the many things Rafe would tell you when you tried to show him that he’s capable of being loved by someone, he would shut you out immediately when you tried showing him.

People said you were crazy for pursuing Rafe Cameron. His reputation in Kildare is immense. You just chose to ignore what other people had to say because you felt Rafe deserved love.

The first time you heard those words come out of his mouth, your heart broke into a million pieces. Behind all of the roughness, coldness, and unpredictable behavior, he is someone who wants to be loved.

Rafe continued to push you away for the longest time, hoping you would get the hint. Finally, giving in after protracted arguments. For far too long, he had kept his guard up to protect himself. He did not want to feel weak for expressing himself. Rafe noticed how long you stayed by his side.

You gradually began to break down the walls Rafe had placed around his heart. You showed patience and understanding by refusing to give up on him, even when he tried to push you away. Rafe became increasingly drawn to you as time passed, yearning for the love and acceptance that had always escaped him.

Rafe started to trust again as your relationship deepened. He progressively exposed a gentler, softer side of himself, something he had never seen before. He realized there are individuals out there, like you, who care passionately and will be by his side through thick and thin.

All he ever wanted was to feel fully understood and seen. You came into his life when he was in the deepest pain and saved him. You showed he’s worthy of love, compassion, gratitude, and vulnerability are truly like, and there is nothing wrong with it. He transformed into a very different person than anyone could have predicted.

"You're the most amazing person I've ever laid eyes on, baby," Rafe said with a lovely smile on his lips, sliding the front strand of your hair behind your ear as you moved your body closer to his and closed your eyes.

“I love you so much rafey” kissing his bare shoulder a few times.

“And I love you more,”

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[c-nstantine]

The Key to Marriage With Bruce and Y/N Wayne

Description: Interview with Mr. & Mrs. Wayne

Warnings: allusions to sex

Word Count: 0.9k

Q: How do you guys spice up your marriage?

"I don't think we should say," Bruce said, looking at his wife with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"We could not name names," Y/N suggested with a shrug before looking at her husband. She always loved these kinds

"Alright, go ahead," Bruce nodded. That should be good enough.

"Sometimes we invite others into the bedroo- Oh, shit, are the kids watching this one?" Y/N realized as she slapped her manicured hand across her mouth.

"Dick and Jason, please make sure all of your siblings are asleep," Bruce spoke, looking directly into the camera. However, somewhere some woman's ovaries collapsed because she felt as if Bruce Wayne's eyes were piercing through whatever device she was watching the interview on.

"But, yeah. We invite others. Not in an open relationship way but in a community effort way," Y/N tried to specify.

"It's usually our friends. We have invited a few of our exes, though," He spoke fondly as he remembered the time they shared a bed with Clark and Lois or the other time with Oliver and Dinah.

"Do you remember your fiftieth?" For Bruce's 50th birthday, Y/N had arranged for a fivesome between her, Diana, Selina, Talia, and Bruce. At certain times, it felt like she enjoyed it more than he did but he was more than happy by the end of the night. Well three nights, considering that Y/N booked it on their private island.

"We had a time that night, as the kids would say." Bruce chuckled to himself. To him, it was one of the greatest presents ever.

Q: Y/N, why did you take Bruce back after finding out about Damian?

"That's a great question. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't hurt by his actions. We were separated for a little bit," She started to tear up when she remembered how betrayed she initially felt. She got over it eventually but it took some time.

"It was the worst five months of my life. I didn't deserve to be forgiven but she forgave me anyway. She never held it against Damian either. Even when she wasn't talking to me, she made sure he was okay with being in a new environment." Bruce reached for her hand and linked their pinkies. He never wanted her to feel that way again.

"Oh, don't worry. I had my fun during those five months but I do love my husband and he loves me," She nodded while looking into his eyes.

Q: When did you two know you were in love?

"The moment I saw her," Bruce lacked hesitation as he answered. He never had a doubt in his mind about Y/N. He loved her so much that it pained him to leave her.

"Bruce?" She questioned. She never knew that was when he fell in love with her. He didn't say 'I love you' until after eight months of dating and their first time having sex.

"What? It's true. The first time I saw you was in a coffee shop, and I knew then that one day, somehow, I'd be with you," He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Mine is a little less poetic. It was the first time we had showered together. It was just so perfect, intimate, and he wasn't afraid to be vulnerable with me," She said softly and began to twiddle with a knotless braid that framed her face.

Q: Do you guys have celebrity crushes or hall passes?

"Mine is Wonder Woman," Y/N said immediately. It was no big secret that both of the Waynes had a huge crush on Diana. Bruce was simply better at denying it.

"I don't have one," He lied but Y/N decided not to press him on it. His real celebrity crush was probably Zatanna and that's why Y/N was arranging that threesome next.

"You do know I would leave you for her, right?" She egged on.

"Oh I am well aware," Bruce admitted with a slight smirk playing on his lips.

Q: Do you have favorite kids?

"I don't think we do. I think the kids think we do, but we don't," Y/N looked to her husband for confirmation and nodded in agreement.

"They only really accuse us when they are trying to get out of trouble," Bruce admitted.

"Dick is somehow always around when someone is about to be punished and he's like 'You'd never let me get away with that'," She said mimicking her oldest son.

Q: Do the kids prefer a parent?

"I do think the kids have a favorite parent," Y/N said tilting her head while looking at her husband. Bruce snorted, before raising an eyebrow.

"Y/N is the favorite parent," Bruce said with a teasing smile.

"Maybe but Martha and Cass are total Daddy's girls," She rolled her eyes.

"They do have me wrapped around their finger just like their mother," Bruce gestured to his wife before ending the interview.

Taglist: @flyestvenustrap @megamindsecretlair @blxckdesire @prettyvintageafternoon @lilbanas @certifiedloverwoman @melissa-ashe @hoyoooo

[my-love-is-sunlight]

Bathing suit

Sanji x reader

Warnings: afab reader, comfort fluff but a little suggestive, CW reader is not comfortable with her body so she talks terrible about it (don’t worry this has a happy ending)

Word count: 1.6k

Summary: In which you hate how you look in your bathing suit and Sanji comforts you

Masterlist

It was a hot sunny day, the waves of the ocean made their way to the shore in a calm rhythm, so steady that the Strawhats found themselves having to dock on the beach for the day, awaiting for the ocean’s ferocity to comeback so they could sail away to continue their adventure

A day in the beach, everyone was more than happy for the idea. Having to spend your days at sea with the same faces looking back at you every waking moment could be a little nagging, having this time to unravel and enjoy the beauty of the island was something everyone looked forward to. Franky and Ussop had even set up an improvised tiki bar, just an excuse for Sanji to make everyone drinks really

And there he was, mixing up a fruit drink that he handed Nami which she took gratefully, before making her way back to her assigned place under an umbrella besides Robin. A smile was quick to make its way to the cooks face, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, wether it be savoring his drinks, fooling around in the ocean or constructing an impressive sand castle near the shore

But his smile was quick to fade when he noticed you were nowhere to be found, how strange. Earlier that day, when Luffy happily shared the news of how the crew was going to spend the day, he clearly recalled your enthusiastic response, happy to finally have some sand under your feet and enjoy a relaxing day under the beaming sun; so… where were you?

Worry seemed to be building up on Sanji’s core when he asked about your whereabouts and no one really knew where or what were you doing

“Last time I saw her she was getting ready, said she’d catch up to us” Robin commented, which did nothing to ease his worries since that had happened when you had just docked

“I’m just going to make sure she’s ok” Sanji said after taking a drag of his cigarette that burned hastily under his fingertips. Robin smiled and nodded, knowing that whatever it was, Sanji would take good care of it

So he looked for you, all over and under The Sunny, but it seemed like you had dissipated into thin air, that was until he heard a sob reverb from behind the girls quarters door. Thinking something absolutely terrible and unthinkable had happened to the sweet sweet you, Sanji kicked open the door, making you jump out of your skin as his eyes examined the room

When he saw you, eyes puffy, nose red, wrapped under a blanket looking like a sad wet dog Sanji found himself stunned, glad you were in one piece, but his heart breaking at your sight

“My dear… what happened?” You stayed in place, only answering with a sad sob and a shiver, the blonde eased his position, softening as he approached gently “dear?”

“Nothing… I’m just, not feeling well” Sanji had never seen you like this, in his eyes you were a strong and brave woman that carried herself proudly, to see you so vulnerable made his heart clench. Hesitantly, he sat at your side of your bed, his eyes never leaving your form, taking note of your fingertips dragging your tears away in a hurry. A salience fell, deafening as you fought back the pain blossoming form your being, hiding into yourself

“Are you sure?” A sigh left your lips, your eyes watering meeting his blue worried ones, you shook your head slowly

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice was barely a whisper, as if afraid you’ll get scared and run away again. You stayed still for a moment, hesitant but too hurt to even deny, you nodded shutting your eyes as new tears peeked at the sides

Sanji scooted closer, his hand reaching for your back rubbing confronting circles “I feel disgusting”- your voice came out broken and tired.- “I look so bad in my bathing suit, nothing like Nami and Robin… why am I like this?”

Every single word that came out of your mouth was like a dagger hitting Sanji’s stomach repeatedly, hurting him like nothing had ever before and leaving him confused

Every since Sanji had landed his eyes on you, he was absolutely star struck. He swears he had never crossed paths with someone like you, your beauty beyond compare. Sure he was known for his admiration for women and tossing around the word perfect almost to every single one he met, but you? Perfect was not enough of a word; it was not only your dazzling beauty with your star lit eyes and your addictive smile framed by those soft lips of yours, your sun kissed skin and your free hair waved by the ocean’s breeze the only thing leaving him breathless, it was your heart, your bravery and kindness that you always extended towards the people around you, your soul was even far more precious than anything Sanji had ever encountered in the vastness of the sea

It was really confusing to know that you couldn’t see what he did

An incredulous “What?”- was the only thing that slipped from his mouth at the idea of it, your eyes turning confused just as he was

“But, you’re gorgeous” Sanji expressed without hesitation, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, as if stating a clear fact

“You’re just saying that to be nice” he immediately shook his head repeatedly, his hands reaching to hold yours in hopes you’ll understand

“I mean it!”

“You don’t have to pretend, I know loving every woman on earth is part of who you are but be honest with me Sanji. I am not as skinny or gracious as all the girls you fawn over, I am not the kind of girl someone double takes at-“ you paused your rambling when you were met with something you had never seen before, Sanji was upset… upset with you; angry eyes piercing you in place, holding his breath hoping that the words you used to talk about yourself would stop flowing out of your mouth, he was fuming

“Sanji?” His strong grip shifted from your hands to your shoulders, blue eyes full of determination burning right into yours but not a word was spoken. The cook knew if he was to spill every thought that swam around his mind right now it would only bring to the surface his clear love for you, a feeling he had tried to bury deep down on his being and failing every time you’ll cross his line of vision; regardless, he weighs his options, you deserved better than him he said to himself but… maybe he wanted to be selfish

“Darling, it’s true… you’re not like Nami or Robin, but that’s exactly why you’re so…”- his heart jumped to his throat as he tried to get his words out, desires being held back by a thin rope about to snap.- “so perfect” Sanji’s words echoed trough the room, blush settling on top of your tear stained cheeks, but still you doubted him

“I am no-“

“Y/N!” he shook your shoulders in hopes you’ll come back to yourself

“You think I’m lying? Look!” You stood up getting away from his grip and tossing the blanket that shielded your body aside, opening your arms as you showed your bathing suit “My belly looks so bad, my thighs are huge and I have marks all over and…” your voice faded as Sanji admired you from his seat, ogling you form head to toe, his heart went from his throat to the floor reddening his face and hitching his breath

Fuck it

The cook stood up just to fall on his knees immediately after; there he was in front of you, his hands on your plum thighs as pure adoration looked back at you -“If you only knew what you do to me” your pink tinted cheeks turned red at his words and your heartbeat went wild, threatening to make your heart jump out of your ribcage. His slender hands touched your cold skin with pure devotion burning themselves into you, his eyes made another roll of your figure taking in every detail he was able to as he remained close. Sanji’s grip faltered only to move his hands around your legs, savoring the way your skin felt under his fingertips; his hands reached near your bottom making you jump immediately pulling his hands back to your thighs

“SORRY!” He exclaimed as his mind catches up with the actions of his body, hand pulling away from you leaving you cold.- “You’re just so… unreal”

There it was again, that twinkle in his eyes that made its appearance whenever he glanced at you, beaming over your insecurities and making them disappear on its wake, but why? why you? In your eyes you were just pathetic but for him… you were everything

“Sanji” you called and he answered without a doubt, raising to his feet as he awaited for your words.- “Do you mean it”

Finally, a shadow of a smile casted on your lips, melting the cook in a puddle at your feet, but he managed to not crumble because he needed to answer

“Sweetheart, theres so much more I want to say to you and nothing would be enough to show you how crazy you make me” hearing the thrumming in his chest sparked the idea to maybe just show you. Again, his hand took one of yours in his and placed in on his chest, there it was clear as day, his heart jumping around because of you… for you

You flushed at the feeling, another smile gracing Sanjis view as you thanked him in a whisper, both of your gazes staring back at each other lost on the feeling of one another, awaiting for time to take you

“I feel so much better now” taking advantage of your position, you jumped on the cooks arms, wrapping yourself on his tall frame smiling like an idiot which Sanji welcomed happier than ever, you body melting into his in a sweet hug that he would forever remember

“Glad to be of service”

—————————

This was supposed to be a prompt with several characters but I got carried away… anyways Laws version is in the making

[fear-is-truth]

LOVING HIM WAS NEVER ENOUGH ༄

─ kai anderson x gn!reader

tags: toxic relationship. codependency. abuse. mention of murder. kai is a warning himself

'𝐶𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝐼'𝑚 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑗𝑎𝑧𝑧 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑐𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟…

song: ULTRAVIOLENCE ⨾⁩ masterlist • taglist ࿐

a/n: not proofread very thoroughly due to school stuff.. plus english isn’t my first language sorry if there’s any mistakes!!

❦

ever since his encounter with pastor Charles, Kai saw the world through tainted lenses, his perception coloured by disgust as he regarded its occupants as lesser beings—pawns to be manipulated and discarded.

while Kai reveled in the fear and submission of his followers, you were the one soul he couldn't bring himself to despise. which was strange, considering that his primary emotions consisted of hatred and spite.

not you, though. you were a living paradox in his existence. the moment he laid eyes on you, Kai knew you were special. destined for greatness, just like him. yes, you had your flaws and vulnerabilities just like everyone else, but for once, his first thoughts weren't about how to exploit them to his advantage (he still did, just to a lesser extent).

you were his favorite project to work on— each post-meeting pinky power session serving as an opportunity to slowly chisel away at the layers of your soul. painstakingly, he hollowed you out, creating a space within you to pour himself in. Kai did all of these with such a fervour that bordered on obsession, for he was that desperate to make you his.

even though the act itself was tainted by his own selfish motives, Kai loved you. in his own toxic. fucked-up way, he truly loved you. each manipulation, each lie was a misguided attempt to shape you into the person he believed you should be, the person you deserved to be—

his equal.

and you did not disappoint him in the slightest. when you first crossed paths—orchestrated by Kai’s careful planning after months of observation, you were weak, timid. but now, you emerged from the ashes of your former self, reborn. you could point a gun at someone’s face and pull the trigger without batting an eye, the only thought crossing your mind as blood splattered across your cheek was being how divine ruler would be pleased that you completed the mission.

you were his creation; his magnum opus. and to Kai, there was nothing more beautiful than that.

❦

shy islands of desire began to emerge. morally destitute, Kai was spiritually ravenous, he craved to be drowned in your adoring gaze, voracious for every ounce of attention you were willing to bestow upon him. it wasn't the superficial adulation of his other followers that he sought. no, it was the way your fingers gently carded through his hair, the warmth of your touch searing into his skin, the way your laughter echoed in the shadowy crevices of his heart where light rarely touched.

he was addicted to you like he was to adderall, consuming you greedily, the bitter taste lingering on the tip of his tongue. in his mind, his attachment to you would be his ultimate downfall. you became a liability, a distraction from his path to greatness, and he couldn't afford to be tethered to anything that might pose a threat to his cause. Kai understood all too well the age-old adage— “since love and fear can hardly coexist, it is far safer to be feared than loved.”

Kai didn't need anyone, least of all you.

the tenderness he once bestowed upon you was replaced with a cold aloofness that left you feeling like a kicked puppy, bewildered by his sudden cruelty.

at times he would lash out, the sharp sting of his palm leaving you gasping for breath as you stumbled backward. even as you lay on the ground, the taste of blood on your lips and tears staining your cheeks, there was a perverse desire for more. more pain, more punishment, more of him. in those moments of brutality, it felt as though the violence itself was a form of intimacy, making you feel something, anything, even if it hurt.

panic attacks have become mere flutterings in your chest, mistaken for the butterflies of excitement that accompanied his touch, leaving you trembling with anticipation instead of justified dread.

❦

Kai wasn’t easy to like, much less to love. he was as thorny as a rose, beautiful yet unapproachable. every interaction with him left you bleeding with a million little stab wounds.

his touch was tender but cruel, always leaving you with bruises that bloomed across your skin like dark flowers. you wore them like badges of honour, some sort of sick proof that something existed between you. at times, when Kai was plotting away in the basement and you were left all alone, you traced the outlines of the scars with trembling fingers, pressing your lips against the tender flesh to feel the ghost of his touch. imagining that he was with you, his breath hot against your neck, his hands gentle yet possessive as they roamed your body.

“To live is to suffer, to suffer is to find meaning in that suffering,”

Kai was the cause of your suffering, the architect of your pain. his actions leaving behind an endless trail of tears and heartache in its wake.

but to you, Kai was also your meaning, the driving force behind every breath you took and every beat of your heart.

yet somehow, in some tragic, catastrophically romantic way, the two of you fit together.

as his lips sought yours, hungry and desperate, you surrendered yourself to him completely and knowing that for Kai, you'd ruin yourself a million times over.

for him, you'd be a martyr to his cause, bearing his sins upon your shoulders in the hopes of earning his affection. you’d be the sacrificial lamb at the altar of his ambitions, offering up pieces of yourself in exchange for his love.

❦

Kai resented the hold you have over him, the way you could make his insides go all soft and warm with just a smile. it grated against his pride and his need to be in control at all times.

and yet, he could never bring himself to give you up completely, even when he knew he should. every time he tried to wean you off, the withdrawal symptoms of your absence left him trembling for another hit.

the addiction ran too deep.

each night began with him, standing in front of your bedroom door and cursing himself for his lack of restraint, for allowing his feelings for you to cloud his judgment.

each night ended the same way, the two of you tangled in each other's arms, sweat-dampened skin pressed together as he curled behind you, pinky fingers linked. soft kisses gracing your shoulder.

as morning dawned, you would wake to find yourself alone in bed, the emptiness smothering you like a fog. it didn’t matter, because you knew he’d be back.

you both pretended that Kai was the one in control, the way he'd prefer it to be.

but in truth, it was you who held the reigns.

TAGLIST @acidbrainstorm @evanpetersmybf @alittlesil @kaiandersonsdevotedwife @ellaaaaa44 @newwavesylviaplath @warrenpikasgirlfriend @slvt4jamesmarch @kaismanwich @maddaline @evpeters87 @lacucarachapisser @howtobesasha @lissasharp @feefymo @night-prowler666 @nickrhodeslittledarling @bluerthanvelvet444 @r8ttenapples @nahoyasboyfriend @kai-slut @lak3cityqui3tpills @coentinim @doll3tt33 @taintandviolent @babygorewhore @babydollxxblood @stveharringtn @violet1737 @sukirosiac @slutforgarlogan @90sbr1descake // divider by @/v6que

 fear-is-truth 2024 — all rights reserved. please do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

[sexydoffyman]

Sub!needy!Sanji with dom!Male!reader in bed?

You can ignore this if you aren’t comfortable with it<33

Have a wonderful day:D

NEEDY BOY

genre: smut

word count: 714

A/N: Our wifi isn't working what a pain. Also, what is with the new Tumblr look my eyes hurt and I am so pissed of. 🦐 this is tiring.

You were sweeping the deck of the Sunny at night since it was less likely that Luffy would slip on the water when he's sleeping. You also didn't want to keep moving Zoro out of the way. You had to wake him up and tell him to go to a specific part of the ship where you already swept the floor. But you know Zoro, he got lost. You also didn't want to listen to Sanji being a perv. And Franky would criticize how well you cleaned your precious ship. And Usopp would get it dirty again. By either making a new weapon and getting gunpowder all over the place or by making a green star accidentally explode.

It was more peaceful on your ship at night. You expected to be all alone, so you played around the ship. Crawling over the rigging, climbing on the main mast, or sitting in the crow's nest. You were enjoying yourself while you could fuck around. You looked back over your shoulder when you felt a presence behind you. By squirming your eyes, you recognized the cook of the ship watching you.

You jumped down from the crow's nest right next to the small-waisted man. "What brings you here shouldn't you be asleep?" You questioned him. "How can I sleep when I see you showing your muscles off like that." You chuckled "Don't try to flirt with me like that you love cook." He smiled back at you. "Mind if I give you a drink?" "I think that the chores can wait for another day." You thought about his proposition for a while and decided that it might not be such a bad idea.

You followed him to the crew's quarters, right into the kitchen. He went behind the bar and poured two drinks for you. He sat down next to you, and you started talking about god knows what and sipping more and more alcohol. You talk for hours. Yes, it was a winter night, so the night was long, but you were traveling through a swarm of summer islands, so the weather was fine. The night was still young, but you realized that the dark was darker than whenever else you saw it. You were looking out the window. Looking into the dark and you felt so... at peace. "Common look at me like that."

He was drunk, and you could tell. So you expected him to be trying to flirt with you again. He caught you by surprise when he put his hand on your thigh and whispered in your ear. "I need to feel you."

Too drunk to think your dick started thinking for you. You got hard and led the cook to one of the empty bedrooms. You pushed him to the mattress. It sunk with both of your body weights. The sheets made wrinkles when you swirled your tongue in his mouth. Your bodies already covered in sweat drenching your clothes. You noticed this, and without breaking eye contact you pulled his shirt off, followed by his pants and everything else.

He tried to help you undress, but you grabbed his hands and pushed them into the pillow while you started kissing his body, leaving purple love kisses. You turned him around, letting go of his hands. Spread his legs and looked at him. You loved how he looked so vulnerable. He ground his dick on the sheets and looked at you with the expression you fell in love with. "Impatient, huh?"

"Please." He shyly whimpered. You took your final look at him and decided that you want to be nice and that you won't tease him for his neediness. He was adorably looking your way. You put your index and middle finger to his mouth and commanded "Get 'em all wet for me k?" He licked your fingers like a good boy, and when he was done, you put them to his entrance.

You pushed them in, and his breaths started getting louder. When you thought he had enough, you laid on his body, towering over him, grabbed his pictorials, and pushed him to the mattress again. He squealed a little when he felt your dick thrusting in and out of him.

Yeah, you were gonna lay off those chores.

[even-disco-baby]

ESPIRIT DE CORPS  — The lieutenant is aware that you adore him. Painfully so. You aren’t exactly subtle about it.

Oh god. I’m not? Oh fuck.

Good! I wasn’t trying to be *subtle* about it.

Hey. No need to get personal.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — Sorry, boss. His thoughts, not mine.

In any case, he is aware. Your adoration is plain for all to see, even for such an island of a man as the lieutenant is. Or once was, perhaps. And his own feelings toward you are… difficult to describe, but they are there. 

EMPATHY — Strong feelings. 

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — He doesn’t know if they can be called love, but it is a thought that has occurred to him. In a broad sense, they surely are love of *some* kind, at the very least. You are his friend. He cares for you. And…

HALF LIGHT — And he is afraid of you.

EMPATHY — And he is afraid *for* you.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — And he is afraid for himself.

YOU — Afraid? Why?

INLAND EMPIRE — You know why. Do not fool yourself. You, with the scaffold of you all awry. There is no part of you that offers him sure footing.

ENDURANCE — Even your body… One way or another, he knows that he’ll probably be the one to find you dead, and it could come any day.

I hope it’s soon.

I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else.

No! I don’t want to do that to him…

Wait a second! Who said anything about dying?! I’m turning over a new leaf! I want to live!

PAIN THRESHOLD — Oh, Harry… You still don’t understand, do you? You’re already dying. You’re a miracle, really. You know you nearly had a fatal heart attack just from stubbing your toe in the dark this morning? It’s no longer a matter of if, but when.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Hey, you’ve always known that you were gonna be here for a good time, not a long time! The lieutenant ought to take a page out of your book, instead of being such a miserable, lonely old man.

RHETORIC — No offense, but I don’t think that the partying has made you any less miserable, lonely, or old. 

KIM KITSURAGI — Your partner takes another long drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke fill his lungs. He holds it there for a moment, then slowly breathes it out into the night.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — He accepted a long time ago that this ritual may very well be the death of him, too. It’s a risk that he has made far more calculated by his rigid discipline. He would find it difficult to live without these small indulgences, but nearly impossible if he granted them too much power over himself.

And so it is with *you.* He can indulge himself with questions, imaginings. What it would be like to lower his spines and be a softer kind of animal. But he cannot give these feelings any more power over him than this, or it will be the death of him.

YOU — …Am I really so bad that I would kill him?

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — No. Worse than that, you would *change* him. You or anyone. To entertain the notion of true love as anything more than a pleasant, unattainable dream would be the death of the man that he has built himself into over the decades. He would become something so much smaller and more vulnerable. An animal with a soft belly exposed to the world.

YOU — Is that really anything to be afraid of?

HALF LIGHT — It is the only thing that there is to be afraid of.

INLAND EMPIRE — He is right to be afraid. The world is nothing but a series of patterns, so easily disrupted and changed and lost forever. There is no sense in any of it, no grand reason that makes any of it worth the terror and the pain. The world will swallow you both and then be swallowed whole. Après le monde, le gris. Après le gris… rien. There is nothing that either of you could offer the other to change this. In the face of it, your small bodies and your fleeting thoughts become so unbearably absurd. 

VOLITION — No. It is bearable. 

YOU — It is?

VOLITION — It is the only thing that there is to bear.

[muffinsandstardust]

Foolish is already attached to Jeffery Scooby.

and he doesn't like that.

long ramble i'm not sure it'll make sense but i have brainrott and the fact foolish cares so deeply about things but is SCARED of how much he cares fascinates me. yes this is going to touch on the empreg alien chest buster things.

so let's go over the background: foolish is the type of person who will call the aliens he gave birth to his children, but will kill them if they hurt anyone soon after giving birth. who calls roier and cellbit his sons and says he'll always be there if they want. he found out arin didn't know anything and agreed to be his parent. YESTERDAY (10/15) he was debating on if he could call bagi daughter or not. don't even get me started on leo and how he dotes on her.

and then we have history with mini mes. DSMP days the first thing he said he wanted on the server was a "mini me," a son, a "little foolish jr." during his presidential campaign he was adovating for getting mini me's who could help him build. i think he's even called leo a mini-me when she's worn the foolish head.

and then the fact he's said every single totem is alive. every single one. and he feels physical pain when they die. everyone else sees them as lifeless statues but he doesn't. what are totems but mini versions of him giving their lives for someone else? as such he's vowed to never use totems. has asked bad to use them less.

that's the BACKSTORY of this analysis. now we're going get into foolish's fear of attachment.

foolish has always been cautious of attachments. in people but even more so with things such as pets and npcs. he was scared to hold foolish jr because he was so scared of him dying. the first couple of weeks he said it was ok if foolish jr died because hecould a replacement!! but he didn't want to risk it. (he didn't want him to die, but he had accepted it was a possiblity). then he got finley and jr and a back up. a just-in-case kid.

better people than me have analyized his relationship with jaiden and how he set out to use her. he didn't want to get attached to her. but he did. he did get attached and now she's the person he relys on most. the person he cares about most. "anyone but jaiden." he said to bad.

it's really hard not to view all this from an immortal route but look at what happened when he did get attached to people on the qsmp. they left him. first arin, then vegetta, now leo. or they've been used against him by people on the island. (forever attacking leo. mike pretending to kill leo. maximus and pierre saying they would kill vegetta and leo. hell even cucurucho used mr. mustard against him.) it has been pounded into his head that attachments are BAD. attachments = weakness. weakness that other people can use against him. and he KNOWS as a person playing all sides, people aren't going to see it his way and will want to hurt him.

so he can't show weakness. can't show his emotions. can't get attached. has to laugh when people accuse him of being unfeeling. play it up so people don't look too closely. and when people do see him cracking what does he do? he runs. he physically flees from showing emotions. from showing vulnerability. from showing weakness. don't get me wrong his happy mask and avoidance of all things leo is due to a BUNCH of things not just his fear of attachments. but that's not what this is about.

so foolish took the egg from the federation building and the first thing he did was go to his safe space. a place where only thoses he allows can enter and only he can place and break blocks. the capy kingdom. foolish was arguably the person most excited to get a mini him but he waits. he talks to his friends first.

he takes his friends to the village and hatches the baby there. calling it a baby and his son the whole time. he gives the girls permission to leave their minis in the village because this is a place where they'll be guaranteed safe.

let's look at the events leading to foolish saying he wants a name change for Jeffery. panicking when jeffery wasn't in his sight, worrying when jeffery got too close to the edge, (discovering jeffery can take damage but regains health), philza and wilbur getting close to the capy kingdom. paranoia that philza and wilbur could be "hunting", hiding jeffery in the attic and telling everyone to crouch if they get too close. mouse pushing jeffery towards the edge. jaiden seemed like she was going to get mad at BALLS??????? getting hurt.

it's only AFTER ALL THAT he says Jeffery isn't his son. that he wants to change jeffery's name. it's too personal. he doesn't want this to be a son. (he can't allow himself to consider it a son. it's too fragile. it WILL die. he knows this. someone will kill it. better kill any attachment now.) so he stresses about it. how do you give it a name that doesn't feel personal? how do you give something idenity without getting attached? you can't.

i think that's what foolish realized and why he was getting so stressed about picking a new name. he wanted to change it to something that would distance himself from it but by giving it a name he's already attaching himself to it and he hates that.

Foolish: at first i was happy with jeffery but when jeffery dies i don't want it to be like: "oh no jeffery!" i want it to be like: [stiff emotionless voice] "we lost KELP. zero zero one." mouse: what are you- what?! ... you want- you just wannna have an army of numbers? foolish: UH. UH YEAH. that way i can get away- cause then i'll mouse: (punches him) you're internalizing your trauma of losing your first child! foolish: wait! nono i don't think so! i think it's just- all the girls: you are foolish: it's-more-like not lost, it's-more-of-like-still-around and it's oneofthosewhere it's like- i-don't-wanna-replace-it-with- mouse: that's why you don't want to connect to anymore of them! foolish: oh sh!t. maybe you're right. .... ANYWAYS.

now let's at foolish's actions and words before and after the name change. foolish repeating over and over "no not my son. just a number." saying son and child and then flinching away from it and correcting it. "would i do this if i cared?!" but at the same time he's telling the girls not to take the minis anywhere until they know it's safe. he's becoming nervous when felps implies he's going to kill Scooby. he's pushing ? away from any danger. whispering to it: "hi! i'm you great-granpa-granma." panicking when pac tried to push it into the magma block. and then changing his attitude when cellbit started talking about torturing it. being so excited to do tasks and WANTING to do tasks so badly and not wanting to wait. making sure scooby is safe before logging out. loging in at the end of his stream just to do tasks. "did jeffery just die?!" scolding it when it suffocates.

all together it paints a picture not where foolish doesn't care, but one where he already cares and is trying to kill that attachment before Scooby dies.

[yuri-is-online]

Another Beautiful Day (First Years x Yuu)

(gif taken from google, originally uploaded to tumblr but user apparently deleted)

You have been having strange dreams lately. Every time you go to sleep you se the same set of flashing images, a carriage ride, a crumbling castle under a ink stained sky, ending in the jaws of a monster. The pain you feel from the flames makes you wonder, on nights when you are alone in Ramshackle with Grim, if those dreams are less fiction and more of a memory.

You are not the only one who has those dreams. There's another, laying awake in his bed, hand clutched tightly over his frantically beating heart trying desperately to hold the fraying edges of his sanity together. How many times has he done this? How many times has he tried to hold onto the last fleeting traces of warmth in you with his cold, unworthy hands.

Again. He loves you, that is the one thing that refuses to change no matter how many times the world is reset. He loves you, he has no choice but to try again.

notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu, hurt almost no comfort, borderline yandere behavior. If this made you feel something you can check out the other parts on my masterlist.

Ace

There was, perhaps still is, a pretty viral theory about Ace being a traitor involved in resetting time. While I can't ever see Ace purposefully causing Yuu's death ever, I can see him deciding that if he has to play the villain to get the outcome that he wants, well then, that's just what he's going to have to do. Ace knows how to annoy people, comes with the youngest child territory, more specifically he knows how to annoy you. He can stand having no one if it means everyone's focus is on keeping you safe, it's easier to admit that he loves you when no one's around to hear it. It occurs to you that he might, it even crosses your mind that the strange dreams your time-loop troubled subconscious is so desperate to hang onto, ones where you are with someone you love dearly, could be about him. How else would he know how to push all your buttons, why else does he always know when and where you'll be in trouble. If Ace doesn't love you, why does he know all the things you like about this world before you do? It's a painful thing to be known, even more so if the person who knows you refuses to let themselves be vulnerable with you. The more things change the more they stay the same... huh?

Deuce

Ever watched Tokyo Revenges? I know some of you have, I can see you. Anyway Deuce might not be a crybaby but he is loyal, determined, and stuck on desperately trying to save you. Well not just you, Deuce realizes that Overblot Grim spells doom for a lot more people that just those inside NRC. Sage's island might be remote, but people still live there, if the monster got out who knows what sort of damage it will do? He tries his best to be normal around you, to befriend you and protect you in just the same way he did before, but he's a much more serious and moody person than he was the first loop around. How is he supposed to explain to you he couldn't save you, that he's watched you die countless times and only had ashes to hold and cry over? Not just you either, he's seen Ace and Epel and Jack, hell even Sebek, Die over and over again because he wasn't smart enough to stop it. Ace manages to pick up on something being wrong, and Deuce being Deuce he fails to lie properly, "dragging him into his mess." But he can tell Ace doesn't mind. He takes his impending doom as a challenge, encouraging Deuce to do so as well. He's stupid, he should just give up and let someone smarter save you. But he's your stupid, kind of crybaby hero. He'll save you, just you see.

Jack

Trying to save you is as much an instinct to Jack as it is raw emotion. You are his soulmate, there is nothing casual about his investment in your relationship, nothing short of divine intervention that will keep him from trying to save you. But he will admit he feels rather unprepared for this... development. It's all well and good to say you will break reality before he lets it take you from him, but actually being strong enough to do that? Jack's a good boy, but no matter how smart he is he's a bit of a muscle head. He throws himself into problems fist first, without any back up unless someone yanks him by the scruff and forces him to look at it. Usually that's you, sometimes it's Ruggie or Leona, but in the past it was you. He knows he can't keep himself from you, even if that could make you safer. Unlike the first timeline, he makes sure to introduce himself as early as possible, makes sure to be with you for every overblot. You might find it annoying but he'll push you to train just enough so that you'll have the speed to run when the final monster comes. Maybe this time, he'll be strong enough to kill it before it catches up to you.

Epel

Sleep Kiss cannot put you to sleep forever. Yet. Yes yet, Malleus isn't the only one who thinks letting you nap forever is a good idea. Great minds think alike, and unlike Malleus's, Epel has an added bonus. He can encase you in a glass cage that is literally meant to protect you from anything that wants to hurt you. Not that you would ever expect this plan from Epel. He's cute, kind, non-threatening when you're paying attention, the most you see of his temper as the loops continue is the slightly bratty glare he focuses on pre-overblot housewardens. And the headmage, but hey any anger at him always gets a pass from him. Not that you need to worry about that, once Epel masters his spell you won't have to worry about anything. He does wonder if you'll be able to dream, the first time he cast his spell on you it was like you didn't realize anything had happened at all. Maybe he won't tell you anything, maybe he'll wake you up every once and a while to convince you that you were never asleep at all. But that's not a concern for now, all you need to do is close your eyes and sleep. Sleep and wait for your Prince to return from the war.

Sebek

Following the current timeline, events aside, Sebek is on the outside of your friend group. No one likes him, he can't sit with you. The only real reason Sebek has to pay attention to you is because Malleus does. And he has to admit he doesn't exactly hate what he sees, he just- doesn't want to give credit to a human. When time is re-set though, he goes out of his way to befriend you, convinced he needs to keep an eye on you to save his lord. After all, how could he not find it suspicious that Malleus befriends some random human from not-Twisted Wonderland and then suddenly overblots? He is ready to strike at the first sign of betrayal, but he does not find it. He finds a human, weak and flawed, but paitent and kind with him, unwilling to let him talk down to them but still willing to talk. You die, but you never stop trying. You refuse to let the flaws he picks at stop you from trying to live. You refuse, no matter how many times he yells about the amount of times he has lost his lord, lost you, to let him do all the work alone. There is beauty in your struggle, in your life. He can't betray this for his lord, even if it was the cause of his plight. It's Silver he turns to for help, begging him for guidance through tears as he desperately clings to you. He finds it of course, he never had to do any of this alone, but he should know by now that doesn't guarantee success, no matter how much he wants it to.

[apricitystudies]

what i read in may. 2023:

(previous editions) bold = favourite

class, race, & labour

blackbirding: families were ripped apart in the pacific — now, these women are working to reunite them (australia)

the not-so-hidden racism of nancy drew

i’m fucking agitated, are you going to murder me? (usa)

who owns the country? the secretive companies hoarding england's land

a gruesome severed fingertip tells a painful story about corporate japan

being an honorary white person doesn’t make us more powerful

gender, sexuality, & intersectionality

cocooning

‘fearless, stoic and attractive': a history of the state-sanctioned russian woman

i am a man, but i am not

chile's new law blazes trail for children of femicide victims

why foreign wives in south korea are vulnerable to domestic violence

politics & current affairs

the true cost of tuna: marine observers dying at sea

the abolitionists born after hurricane maría (puerto rico)

thailand’s opposition parties start alliance talks after voters reject military rule

how half a tonne of cocaine transformed the life of an island (portugal)

el salvador gangs: mass arrests bring calm but at what price?

after the fall (australia/afghanistan)

history, culture, & personal essays

how i left the far right (usa)

‘how do I prove my innocence?’ casting students as would-be cheaters eager to exploit ai tools is disheartening

the rape culture of the 1980s, explained by sixteen candles

i placed my first wager when i was 10. i’ve gambled more than $1 million since

the joy of sulk

missed calls

i asked chatgpt to control my life, and it immediately fell apart

[clone-anon]

Alrighty, the finale had me growing gray hairs, and I desperately need some fluff...

(Which you can take as long as you need to write it cause I'm sure we're all in the same boat processing this shit-)

Aaaaanywhoooo- it's Chopper (which, is it really a surprise by now??)

Could I possibly get a Crosshair x m!reader who are in a relationship who get a cute date on the beach? Swimming, hanging out, having a good time on Pabu? (We all know that boy needs a vacation)

I am still processing, but this is something I think I can write. As we all know, every clone is still alive on this blog and I have my thoughts about who is actually still alive in canon. That said, @chopper-base I hope you don't mind me replying here instead of an ask so people can see the prompt. I know the gif doesn't totally fit, but he is happy here as he deserves to be.

You watched Crosshair mess with this cybernetic hand at the breakfast table. Of course he knew you were watching. He still had tremors. Losing a hand didn't fix his mind and if anything the phantom pains made it worse.

You crawled on to his lap and gently took his hand in yours. He smiled at you cautiously, but trusted you. His wrist shook, but as you massaged his arm and silently invited him to take some deep breaths with you, it started to subside.

"We should get you some swim trunks," you suggested seemingly out of no where.

"Swim trunks?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Unless you want to go skinny dipping," you added with a grin.

"Maybe not on this particular island. Too many sets of eyes," he answered.

Crosshair had never seen or heard of swim trunks in his life until he met you. He had never gone swimming for fun. It was part of his training as a cadet, but he had never seen anyone just get in the water and play around until he saw you on the beach one day while taking a walk with Batcher.

You got up and took his hand in yours and walked to the shop. Pabu didn't have everything in the galaxy, but there was a nice variety of clothing and he felt heat run to his cheeks the moment you picked up what looked more like underwear than swim trunks.

"You could so pull these off," you said with a hopeful smile. Crosshair was tempted, but he already felt vulnerable enough with this missing hand. He instead decided on a pair of teal and orange trunks that ended about half way up his thigh. You stopped at home again to change and Crosshair decided to leave his cybernetic hand there. He wasn't sure how well the electric components would do in the salt water and he didn't want to be stressed about it. Batcher decided she wanted to come along. You covered each other in sunscreen, grabbed a shaved ice treat to share, and wandered down to your favorite swimming spot.

You got in the water and Batcher followed, splashing and barking. Crosshair couldn't help but smile. How did he get this lucky? He felt he was barely out of prison and he found a boyfriend. A partner, even. And when he came back with a hand missing you never thought less of him. In fact, you seemed more worried about how it would affect him. You held his wrist as if it didn't bother you.

"Come on!" you called.

He strode into the water and stood where you were treading. He was a bit taller than you were, but you used this to your advantage, leaned on him, and snaked your legs around his waist, drawing confidence out of him. He held you and walked further into the ocean until you were both drifting a bit, but not too far away. Batcher doggy-paddled past you as she tried chasing a school of fish and Crosshair laughed. Tears came to his eyes as he held you and watched her while laughing with his full chest. The damn had broken. All these things that were held in for so long came out in that one moment of seeing his dog's silliness and being with you. He pressed a kiss to your temple and spun you around in the water. It was a warm day and the first of many you spend at that spot. For the first time in his life, he was actually free and felt it.

[dozing-marshmallow]

Hello omg i LOVED your yandere fics so much! Is it alright to request for more yandere Chris content? Not really sure abt on what but probably with a reader whos a part of the show/after the money?? Or anything you would like or see fitting really!

HI THERE!! Thank you so much, and of course it’s alright! I appreciate that you love my (yandere) posts! 😊💗 I hope it’s no different with this one!

YANDERE!CHRIS MCLEAN HEADCANONS (PART 2)

“(Y/N)... You...really mean a lot to me, you know that, don’t you, (Y/N)?” his mad eyes thumping pink, over you.

You sigh,“I do, Chris...I do.”

Another beautiful day. One more to spend alone with him again.

Earlier on, he stripped you of all your possessions, your clothes, your phone, your dignity.

Yep.

Going behind your vulnerability, sitting on his bed, your back on his chest, his arms around your stomach, he kisses your neck.

His hair could scratch you for hours. His hands that trapped you could move up and down for days. You want out.

You want out.

You hate yourself for being born. Was this what you were made for? For this sadistic reality show host to leave as many hickeys as he wanted on the skin you worked hard to keep healthy?

Healthy... The grass is stepped on everyday, yet can still stand high.

That’s why you’re not permanently confined to the suffocating indoors. You were given chances to go outside on the beach and take a breath of anything else other than Chris. He never needed to worry- he lived on a literal island with surveillance cameras situated everywhere.

He never needed to worry.

Chris’d only give you suitable clothes if he had arranged a place to go with you, a date, a trip.

Just when you were feeling you had a belonging again, Chris would take the outfit off you the second you got back to his home, locking himself up in the bathroom and staying in there for a while.

He’d grunt your name and sigh really loudly.

The only thing more you wanted to add was that when he did come out, he’d be clutching the garments, face all red and drool from more places than one.

Yuck.

On special days, he put a collar on you. A shock collar.

No particular reason.

Just to zap life into you.

And laugh.

Of course, he still had his job to attend to after forcing you out of yours so he would keep something of you to compromise the work separation.

Not a photo. Anyone could get a photo of you.

That’s why Chris prefers paintings to hang, and small statues to greet. 

Now that couldn’t be found anywhere else.

Not one museum, one art gallery, one household.

Speaking of household...

With the phone he confiscated from you, he’d occasionally have it on his person to play any voicemails they left you, sneering, chuckling at your attempt to hold onto the cliff.

“Come back, (Y/N).”

“We’re all waiting for you.”

“Where are you, my baby?”

Understandably, you let go. You wished you didn’t, not in front of a monster like Chris who only chortled at you.

You want to go home.

“If they wanted you to come back, they would.” he slides down next to you. You never knew if he purposely fed off your pain, or if he was that socially deaf,“All they can do is play helpless and hope for a miracle. Because that’s what they want to do.“ he affirms, taking your crumpled, wet face into his hand, the other strokes the side,“See how no one really cares about you, asides from me? I’m the only one that can see how much gold you are. You may be all to me, but I’m guessing your family is all to you, even if they’re worthless. All of them. See how kind I am, (Y/N)? I’m not a monster after all! A real monster would never have let you hear their voices again. Don’t you just love a family guy?”

You wanted to reject everything he said. Reject that hand, his remarks, the love.

But you’re too tired.

It was gonna end the same anyway.

You’re forced to use the same toothbrush as him.

Not even a warm bath bubbled a smile.

In soap waters, he’d still hold you in his slippery arms as his head goes back on the edge of the tub.

You’ve seen his body over and over.

He’s seen yours over and over.

Purple and purple.

Less than human.

A party hat strings around your jaw.

Chris blows the party horn and cuts the cake.

You also share a plate.

...And a mouth.

A celebration? Ah, right. 

Commemorating the year that dripped since he took your happiness.

For his.

[privateanxieties]

to the shadows, we return (part 2 - final)

Summary: After you take an arrow to the chest for Frank, you find yourselves having to discuss the ensuing feelings and coming to a mutual agreement.

Words: 2K; fluff, hurt/comfort, Frank being sweet

Warnings: physical recovery, mentions of weight loss (not ED-related).

Part 1 here

------------------

However glad you are to be alive, there are moments when you think the arrow should've finished the goddamn job; not only because you wouldn't now be enduring the little stabs and jabs of pain all along your chest and shoulder, but also because it would be a lot easier to avoid the unspoken question in Frank's eyes.

Why'd you do it?

It seems ever-present, that inquiry he won't voice. It lingers on the surface each time he looks your way, and that's something he's been doing a lot lately. Actually… He's not so much been looking your way as he's been hovering nearby, adopting what you can best describe as a hands-on approach to your convalescence. You have half a mind to start calling him Nurse Castle just to ease the tension in the air, but something about the care he relentlessly shows always makes the words die on your tongue.

He's so… heart-wrenchingly affectionate. Like he can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be than here, changing your bandages and replacing the damp cloths for your forehead every time the fever returns. Frank is constantly there.

Helping you eat.

Pulling your hair back from your face when you can't manage to keep the food down.

Supporting more than half your weight as you take tentative steps for the first time in a week.

You've never relied on somebody else like this. The funny thing is, you don't even have it in you to complain or outright reject the help. It says a lot about what nearly dying provokes in a person, even (and perhaps especially) one as independent and self-sufficient as you are. At your core, you're exhausted. Being an island is not for the faint of heart, and you're finding out now just how susceptible that flutter in your chest is to kindness.

Frank has nothing to show but kindness. In the hours after Curtis' departure, you thought you were imagining it; you very well could have been, since the delirium was just barely winding down. Sleeping through the night hadn't been an option, both because you were in too much pain and because you had to be woken at fixed intervals to check the state of the infection. Frank — you know this for certain — did not sleep. Much like a sentinel, he was at your bedside, alert and frowning so deeply that you felt compelled to reach out and smooth the creases in his forehead. You're willing to chuck that one up to the fever, though you still can't quite erase the feeling of his skin from your mind. After that, you assumed nothing more would happen and he'd leave you be. But then, there were the other things.

The breathing exercises that he wouldn't let you skip, because the arrow had just barely nicked your pulmonary artery.

The ensuing exhaustion that he countered with a gentle hand as he helped you lie down, massaging your legs to keep the blood flowing while you were on strict bed rest. You said nothing in response, since the pain and dread always knocked you out in less than a minute. Or at least, that's what you told yourself, but your subconscious was of a different opinion as it painted brown eyes and strong arms over a blank canvas.

For the first two days or so, you awoke with his eyes on you and went to sleep with a quiet reassurance that you'd be alright. He must have seen how scared you actually were, because Frank rarely spoke so candidly or vulnerably.

And scared, you are. Just not of dying.

No, you are scared of losing this. Whatever threshold has been crossed since that arrow pierced your chest, you and Frank are not going back to the way things were. Unfortunately, you're not doing so well with identifying what exactly it is that's changed; still, whenever you can muster enough brain power to contemplate this new thing between you, it looks awfully similar to what people do when they're—

"Have you eaten, sweetheart?"

There it is again, that word. It's been falling from his lips in a somewhat steady fashion, now and then replaced by a soft hm that you felt was somewhat forced; like he was stopping himself from saying something else instead. For your part, the word simply washes over you like a wave of calm, and more often than not, you let it. It's only once or twice that your pulse picks up after he says it, and always when he's so close that you can almost feel the warmth of his skin. It's soft. Slow.

Intimate.

"Think you already know…" you mumble teasingly, alluding to him keeping you on a rigorous meal schedule. You've lost weight in the past week, barely able to keep food down for the first half of it.

Frank has done his best to provide better food than you'd usually get in your current living arrangements. He often goes out and returns with a day's worth of meals, and on Saturday he hauled in a new microwave to replace the shitty one you've all been relying on for months. It sticks out like a sore thumb inside the space that you won't deign to call a kitchen. It's also probably the cleanest thing in this whole basement. You shudder.

"Cold?"

Your eyes snap to Frank's as you register his question, but you're surprised to see he's already bringing over a blanket. A smile blooms on your lips, and you're this close to teasing him again when a sharp pain seizes your shoulder. It's the usual one, so whether you expect it or not, it doesn't worry you. Frank, on the other hand…

"I'm okay. Promise," you say quickly, placing a gentle hand on his chest when he sits next to you on the bed. The blanket rests on his lap, and you motion for him to hand it over. You aren't cold, but you've found that Frank's nerves are eased when he has a task to focus on

"Breathin' alright?" he asks lowly, trying to get a look at your face as you're hunching in on yourself to ease the pain. As you suspected, he takes it upon himself to wrap you in the soft wool, another thing that you didn't have just a week ago. He's been bringing in comfort items now and then, half of which you have no idea how he even knew you'd want. It makes your heart ache, and it isn't because it almost got pierced by an arrow. You have to say something, because waiting like this is more uncomfortable than the literal hole in your chest.

"Frank, listen…"

"You'd tell me if you needed a doctor."

It's a question. You know it is, even if he doesn't phrase it as one, and it kills you to hear the doubt in his voice. For a moment, you almost walk back on your intent to clear the air. Frank deserves better than having his intentions questioned, but both of you deserve the truth even more. You need to know what this is.

"I'm really ok," you say, pausing to let another jolt pass. You bite the inside of your cheek briefly. "I just, you know— I want to know what's happening. And I know neither of us likes the speaking in riddles thing, so I'll just ask." The pain currents are easing up from the warmth of the wool. You sigh once they fade entirely. And then it's time to look him in the eyes.

"What are we doing?" you ask, voice as steady as you could make it.

Frank is shockingly cooperative.

"You mean you and me?" His voice comes out rougher than usual, and yet you find it so very soft.

Judging by his expression, it's clear as day that he understands what you meant. However, you're not so sure you're on the same page about what's been happening. What you see and want might be different than what he sees. What he wants.

"We don't have to do anything. It doesn't have to be something. You know I—" He stops then, looking away. He's turned his head so far left that you can't see his expression, but you barely have time to wonder what you're missing before his eyes are back on you. Somehow, they're a bit different. Brighter, but there's pain there now. You don't even flinch this time when your first instinct is to want to take it away.

"My family's gone because of what I did. Yeah? They're gone—"

"Frank—"

"—because of what I know. Who I took orders from. Those people are still out there, and I thought, I thought that there was nothin' else they could do to get—"

You wait. Silently, patiently, you sit there until a tentative crack widens into a gaping chasm.

"I can't do that again. I can't— can't go through that again. Not with you."

It's a mutter that he keeps echoing, but the reverb is all in your chest. You don't know if you can believe what your heart says to believe, because after all, she's a bit tender at the moment. Susceptible to all kinds of trouble. But even your brain is trying to chime in with the most unlikely of outcomes: that Frank is equating your potential death to the one other thing in his life that he barely survived. The one other thing that left him with nothing but blood and rage and a sense of accomplishment he can only achieve when he puts a bullet in someone.

"Can't what? Lose me?" you ask softly.

"That's right." It's so quiet you can barely hear it, but he's holding your gaze steadfast. There's no doubt about his conviction.

A tear escapes unbidden and is wiped from the corner of your eye just as quickly. You sniffle.

"Well, I love you too. So there," you throw out. Despite not having truly cried, you voice sure sounds like it. It's why this time you're the one who avoids looking at him, but this results in not seeing his next move until it's already underway.

It's just a whispered c'mere and a solid chest against your cheek, but it's more than enough. It's a confirmation that you know Frank can't give you, or rather, one he can't give a voice to, for fear of history repeating itself. You aren't hiding out in a bunker because things are going swimmingly, after all. Just over a week ago, you were almost taken out by (posteriorly) friendly fire. Frank isn't taking that risk again; you're more sure of that than you are about the sun rising tomorrow. Until everyone he's hunting is dead and buried — limbs fully attached optional — he won't address this thing between you with any more than an acknowledgement. That's what he's trying to offer you now, as he holds you close and presses a soft kiss into your hair, and then another.

"We'll figure it out," he mumbles, the words sending a shiver down your spine. The promise in them is clear as day.

He's not saying no, you notice. Somehow, there remains a sliver of hope in both of you. Whether that's founded or fanciful, you don't much care. As your eyes get heavier and your breathing evens out, all that's really on your mind is a simple question Frank may or may not answer. You ask anyway.

"What did it, just out of curiosity?"

"Did what?"

"When did you… well."

You snuggle further into him, and his arms carefully tighten around your waist.

"If you mean which of your nonsense got my ass hooked, I ain't tellin'."

You laugh softly, almost trembling with giddiness in his embrace before pressing as close as your wound will allow. You barely resist the urge to burrow your face into his neck.

"It's alright… I'll figure it out," you tell him, smile stretching delicately. "We have time."

-fin-

A/N: A little companion piece to go with the first one-shot, just to wrap things up a little better.

[isa-ghost]

*grabby hands desire more qphilza headcanons*

WEHEHEHE

qPhil headcanons masterlist

He hates it bc he hates the quiet and feeling vulnerable n bored but sometimes this idiot really needs alone time. Whether it's to think or to do something Just for him or to self-care or something else, he needs some Him Time. And between being a dad of two, several people's confidant, a Horrors(tm) magnet, and just generally a self-negligent dumbass, he rarely gets any.

Another hypocritical thing he does: Complains he needs xyz (a break, rest, some kinda need met, etc) but whenever someone else tells him he needs xyz he's like What No I Don't I'm Fine And Functional Wdym. It's like the second someone is caring for him rather than him finally caring for himself, he's suddenly allergic to care at all

"Thanks I hate it" <- loves it very much or thinks it's hilarious unless it's a legitimately bad thing. Says this to Fit A Lot

He's the epitome of "Fine I'll do it. But I'm gonna complain the whole time." And depending on what it is, he ends up genuinely enjoying himself

Boating unironically de-stresses him. Though nowadays he can't help but think back to the Purgatory insanity he heard while at sea Day 1. 50/50 if he laughs about it or gets a pit in his stomach thinking about the trauma

From all his sleeping in that stupid fucking chair in the bunker, motherfucker's back sounds like bubblewrap sometimes

He has to sleep on his stomach bc sleeping on his wings BIG OUCH uncomfortable. At best, they just fall asleep. At worst they're in unbearable pain.

He's extremely paranoid after Chayanne's 3 day fight with EK that EK will possess Chayanne next or go after him first whenever he returns

At this point he barely thinks Cucurucho is a threat. More so a semi-annoying pathetic little weirdo with an obscene amount of power

He misses the old spawn bakery. The new one's kinda whatever. Too boujee. The old spawn one was not only a short walk from home, but also cozy and had character. Also he misses being able to prank it.

He also has beef with the use of gold for decor in new spawn bc shiny surface sometimes blanks/distracts his crow brain.

He (used to, been kinda difficult to post-Purgatory for misc reasons) go to Cellbit to give him pics & info on happenings/enigmas on the island. Now his go-to is Bagi (he sees her more), but like. He never Goes To Bagi. She just so happens to bump into him when he has something he needs to talk to her about or give to her

Missa occasionally gives him really good back massages that melt him into a puddle. They're rare bc a) Missa's away a lot and b) his back is very sensitive and in pain more often than not

Every once in a while he gets tea cravings and he hates it

Good god this man is not a morning person. His body just simply won't let him sleep last like 10am and he hates it.

[kxizoku-ou]

I saw the Sanji was at the top of your list for One piece characters you were interested in tormenting and I got so excited. Most of the Sanji content/head canons I've come across are all about him as a Dom/top (except when he is paired with other men). But I think he (and plenty other one piece characters ) would be a great candidate for your type of writing. If you ever have any thoughts on them, I hope you post it!! I always love hearing what you come up with!

Yeah, Sanji is wayyyy too pathetic for me to see him as a dom (in terms of reader-insert stuff, at least). XD And uhhh... I've had MANY thoughts about him already. Since we're already on the topic of smut, you get a (partial/current) list of his (somewhat concerning) kinks. XD

. . .

• An obvious one, but Sanji's desperation to be useful absolutely ends up as a sex thing for him, too. The idea of wanting fills him with shame and self-loathing, and the best way he's found to swallow that is by making any intimate situation entirely about the other person. Even in his fantasies, he's always the one serving his partner and earning whatever indulgences he's given, his own pleasure coming second to fulfilling their needs (if it's acknowledged at all, even).

• Being extremely susceptible to praise seems to be a near-universal character trait in One Piece, but Sanji has it worse than most. He puts up plenty of emotional walls (especially when kind words come from anyone but a safe pretty woman), but especially once someone's opinion matters to him, a simple "good boy" would haunt him for months. Doing things right was such a foreign concept for most of his life, after all, how could he not still so badly want it?

• Whether his partner actually has a size advantage over him or not, Sanji likes feeling smaller. It's definitely a factor that well-fed people tend to have more weight on them, but even simply being pinned down or manhandled is undeniably (and sometimes embarrassingly) arousing, for potential reasons that he really doesn't want to dwell on.

• Though he's stubbornly refused to entertain the idea even in his most unthinking fantasies, certain parental figure-oriented titles are bound to slip out sooner or later. Yes, both. The "mommy" version comes right from some very emotionally vulnerable parts of his psyche, but even though he dreads acknowledging that, the "daddy" version (rough, physical associations and all) is far worse.

• On that note, Sanji is definitely something of a masochist. Most of the love he's experienced (or hoped for when it wasn't really there) has come hand-in-hand with pain, and that definitely got a few wires crossed in his head. Between that, the adrenaline high, and the subconscious need for self-punishment... yeah, it can get messy.

• It's an entirely hypothetical fantasy (and a vague, emotion-driven one, at that), but Sanji has come back to the thought of being eaten more times than can be considered quite normal. To quote a particular source, Sanji "has a complicated (i.e. insane) relationship with self-sacrifice"— combined with the stranded-on-an-island experience and his overall fixation on food and cooking, it's all added up to a warped sort of fixation on (sometimes erotic) cannibalism.

(^^^Bonus source for that one!)

[muffinsandstardust]

Roier and Foolish: Father and son, one in the same.

so! roier and foolish, family that have a lot in common. let's start with what everyone can see on the surface: they're both silly, comedy reilf characters who act goofy without seeming to take things seriously. this is an act they both put on, a mask. the mask does a lot:

1. it keeps others happy. foolish and roier both are notable for valuing other's happiness above their own. by acting silly, they relieve the mood and lift other's spirits which is very needed on an island where so much trauma is happening continuously.

2. it distracts from their own feelings of loss and dispair. roier and foolish are arguably the people who have lost the most on the island over the longest period of time. they both lost Vegetta and Leo, Roier also lost Spreen, Quackity, Bobby, and Tilín. That pain weighs on them constantly but pain is scary, vulnerability is scary. Especially when that pain and vulnerability has been used against you. (Mike targeting leo, the federation dangling the possibility of bobby being alive) no one enjoys hurting, and feeling numb isn't much better, so it's easier to run from the pain (literally in foolish's case). saying a joke or being the joke offers a distraction, keeps their minds away from the pain. cheering someone up allows their joy to become your joy, temporarily. also it's not just pain they're masking, it's anger. burning anger at the justice of it. because how is it fair they're left waiting with no end in sight. how is it fair they're to go on goose chases with no reward. they're hurting and they want others to hurt but right now they have no outlet to lash out at so better to feel nothing than to burn themselves on their anger.

3. the third reason they wear the mask is to hide their skills. if they (seemingly) take nothing seriously, no one will take them seriously. if they act happy all the time, people will think they ARE happy all the time and won't bring up their more risky emotions. no one can take advantage of vulnerability if they don't see any, don't think to look. if no one look closer, no one will see how capable and how dangerous they are. for instance, they're both very good at PvP but they hide it. no one knew they were skilled fighters. etoiles and cellbit were the only ones who knew about roier, and until yesterday no one knew about foolish. he's not up to etoiles level, but he is still a skilled pvper. they both know how to kill people but they are very careful about showing it. they also use this mask to hide their intelligence. by acting foolish, people underestimate how smart they are. for foolish, it's typical intelligence. foolish is an incredibly smart character/person, he is constantly thinking through the possibilities of everything to the point he's overthinking. he is able to spot and create codes to the point everything he says is a carefully crafted code. "I never lie, but I try not to tell full truths." if you've ever heard the foolhalo fish code conversation, you know how much he thinks about his moves ahead. he thinks so far ahead his fans call him psychic because of how many of his predictions come true. something about foolish I'll expand on later is foolish doesn't like how much he thinks so will go out of his way to not think or use his inteligence. roier uses his mask to hide his emotional intelligence. people forget roier was the therapist of the server before niki arrived. he is incredibly good at reading people and understanding them. and he's used that against people. i won't talk on the spreen situation, I know very little about that, but I will talk on the quackity situation. quackity told his therapist that he had a plan to kill the eggs but changed his mind. roier used that information to manipulate not only quackity, but the rest of the server to turn against quackity for revenge.

now i want to point out the father son dynamic and how much it comes across as not only roier and foolish being similar, but roier taking after foolish. foolish considers roier his son and roier calls foolish his dad, and they care about each other a lot. Foolish is roier with the mask refined, roier is foolish with less restraint. Roier is foolish without restraint. not to say roier has no restraint, but foolish restrains himself to an absurd degree. foolish is almost too paitent in how he acts and holds off on retaliating. roier in contrast, didn't hold back from ruining the lives of the people who hurt him. he spent literal months plotting how to torture someone he previously considered a friend. i fully believe hfoolish is capable of the same acts if not worse, and we saw a glimpse of that with mike's prank.

"Not just you. everyone. hell will rain down."

but foolish won't act on it yet. foolish needs a reason to act, roier needs a reason to hold back. the reason I say foolish has refined the mask, is because while roier is good, people have been able to catch on. etoiles being the main one. foolish has perfected his mask so well, it's a detriment to him. he will try to allow people behind the mask and is ignored or rejected.

"that's 3 out of 3 people who think you're not smart enough to pull this off." "he doesn't care about his kid! he's having too much fun arresting people!" "I think if you like the people you work for and agree with them then you're not influtrating you're just apart of them." "I don't think you know what you're doing." in trying to convince himself and ignore his feelings, he's convinced those around him to the point very few people actually understand him or try to see behind the mask. so even when he tries to trust, and rely on others, he is very limited on who will believe him if he turns to them.

so because of foolish's paitence, it comes across that foolish's mask is older (and more worn) than roier's. with the father son dynamic ontop, it comes across that roier's mask is less experienced and like he's learning/mimicking foolish. i don't think that's what's happened as roier was like this before he was adopted, but it's interesting how much the masks mimic each other.

except the masks have been cracking. the eggs have been gone for over 50 days and people are starting to notice. people are noticing the mask isn't holding up. people are noticing roier becoming more and more tired, he's sleeping more and his eyes bags are worse. people are noticing when foolish's voice cracks, when he goes quiet or suddenly gets angry.

the thing about foolish and roier is that they can read people very well, and they're family. i think it'd be wrong to assume they don't notice the way the other is deteriorating. so we come to the three reasons why they were fighting before purgatory. 1. foolish words, lashing out when the wound was still raw and he was still in shock was the catalyst and that shouldn't be brushed aside. that's a truth he should have kept to himself. (and what hurts is it is the truth, one they both agree with but hurts all the same.) the second reason is they're different methods of coping. because roier has lost everything and had his hope dashed so many times, he believes the eggs are dead. because foolish has lost so much, but seen so many twists and surprises, he believes the eggs are alive until a dead body is before him. for roier, to have hope would crush him. for foolish, to lose hope would crush him. the 3rd reason I would like to circle back to how easy they can read and understand people. now imagine your family, who you know is hurting so badly (and so are you.) daring to smile and act like they're happy. they want the other person to break and admit they're unhappy (maybe so they have permission to break). it's infuriating to see someone (you) acting like it's fine when you know it's not, that they (you) are not.

but all this was before purgatory. the egg wars event has forced them to show how capable they are. how deadly they are. people know now how good at fighting they are. they may try deny it (they both did and are) but people know now. the mask has slipped and there's no putting it back. it excites me thinking what that could mean for both of them. what does it mean when people take them just a bit more seriously?