#that last one may only apply to me but hey lmao

[jailforwriter]

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

why do so many people keep calling ed izzy's abuser? I thought it was kind of funny how wrong they were at first because I love being right but at this point I feel like, if you really believe that why do you even like this show? where the main love interest is a violently abusive indigenous man? that sounds boring as shit. what would possess the writers of the show for them to make such an awful decision?

but then I think, if this many people believe it does that mean I'm the one who's wrong? or is it that the creators fumbled that storyline when they should have been clearer about it? or maybe it's just that most people on here have had their reading comprehension scorched away by Sherlock Holmes conspiracy theories and Steven Universe discourse. I can't tell. sometimes I think the internet may have been a mistake.

No they're wrong here's what's going on. People all read this shitty fic called Hell or High Water where Ed was everything the Izzy stans say he was and then instead of realizing that Ed is sad everyone regressed into thinking that the Kraken Era TM was going to be incredibly violent, like serial killing blond men because they look like Stede levels of violence. Even if you didn't read HoHW you saw art or read fic from people who had engaged with this fic and succumbed to it's premise. So there's been this background radiation of misunderstanding what the Kraken is on the fandom for several months. So inevitably when Ed did some mild violence and then attempted suicide by threatening murder until the crew took matters into their own hands, which is not abuse or torture by any stretch, btw, it's a murder-suicide at worst (I say at worst because I consider it fuckery-suicide I don't think Ed was trying to kill people I think he was trying to force them into a situation where they thought it was kill or be killed so that they would choose to kill him, but that is my interpretation and you are free to think it's a botched murder-suicide I have no problem with that), which, murder is something the show has never condemned and if it did it would be horribly inconsistent. So anyway, Ed's whole Kraken Era was categorized in the show by him being sad and doing so many drugs and begging someone please god anyone to kill him and trying to break Ned Low's record out of the evil boredom, but because it had a murder-suicide element to it and Izzy's toes were getting removed and he waved a gun around at everyone once (in a way that felt to me like he was trying and failing to work up the nerve to blow his own brains out but I digress) people who liked HoHW and were mad that people had called it out were like "see hes being violent HoHW author vindicated" as if anything Ed did rose to the level of that fic

And you want to know how I know this read is bullshit? Because when I watch the show with people who don't read fic or interact with the fandom and then I gauge their reactions without showing my hand they all implicitly understand that Ed is reacting to Izzy in a way appropriate to how pirate captains react to threats from subordinates. The spectrum of reactions has been from "hey isn't it weird how Ed was the Kraken because his dad was abusive and now he's the kraken because of Izzy? Maybe there's something there but idk" to "I don't think you can apply the logic of domestic abuse to a pirate captain and first mate but also Izzy had it coming" to "I cannot feel bad for Izzy after last season, I'm sorry." To "lmao Izcel" and I've showed this show to roughly everyone I know. The only thing I can conclude from the fact that people who don't engage with OFMD fic almost unilaterally thinking that Izzy is in the wrong and then coming online to see people thinking the opposite is that Izzy as victim and Ed as abuser is pure fanon, like how Stede is a cinnamon roll who talks like Azeriphael.

But anyway yeah you're completely right about the fact that this would be a bad show if they decided to make Ed into a domestic abuser. I don't want to watch a rom com about a domestic abuser falling in love and I don't want a show that decided to make it's indigenous lead abusive when the stereotype of indigenous men as abusers is still to this day used as an excuse to separate indigenous children from their families and put them with white Christians in order to erase their culture. Good thing OFMD didn't make Ed abusive, so I still like the show.

[mothzarellaman]

The Life Series and Eyes (A Headcanon Rambling)

hello traffiblr! Y'all voted to have me rant about the life series and my personal headcanons regarding eyes, so. Here we go!

Overview

So let me hit you guys with a quick overview.

here's a quick reference. While these all depend on the individual, and the series, I'll explain what each general eye color means.

4+ Lives

People with 4+ lives fall into this category. Their eyes are a dark green, bordering on teal. I think it would be interesting if A. eyes act as a sort of weak gradient in terms of 4-1 lives. So, there's a bit more blue. 2. Personal headcanons regarding speakers, and their colors. 3. A sort of parallel to the Boogey eyes. both are very dark. So its harder to tell if they have 4+ lives somehow, or if they're boogey.

3 Lives

A classic. A nice, simple green. While the exact hue varies depending on the person (because of either violent or peaceful behavior/simply what looks good with them), greens have generally bright green eyes.

2 Lives

Similarly to 3, the exact hue depends on behavior of the individual. Someone who's more violent would be closer to an amber, while peace loving players lean towards more of a yellow-green. The eyes are always clearly yellow, though.

1 Life

While the others would go towards a color dependent on behavior, all bets are called off for reds. The hue is purely aesthetic. It is no longer a clue towards general behavior. There's rarely any allowance for personal preferences in reds. All they can see is violence and conquest.

Boogey

Basically, I reject the idea of boogies having purple eyes or glints for symbolism with watchers. It's far more threatening to me if their normally bright colored eyes are chips of the void. Obviously, characters still have pupils, I just don't include them in my style. I can't decide if Boogies have pure black eyes, or if their eyes are a dried-blood color so dark it only seems reddish in light.

0 Lives / Dead

And finally, we have grey eyes. When it comes to deaths before the final death, the bodies disappear quickly, as soon as the person respawns, I'd wager. But after that final death, their body remains. Their eyes quickly lose all color, and end up as grey. This was chosen just out of design choice, the lifeless look, and also, by incident, Scar's red-life skin. It makes him completely greyscale, so a similar logic applies here.

Character Specific Colors

Here's a quick guide to character specific colors. Again, everyone has a unique one. Do note that most of these are simply what looks good, as I've only had the time to watch Grian's pov, and not anyone elses.

Ik they don't really... look good and may not fit, but hey, I'm here to rant about design ideas, not actual colors lol. And you will not believe how hard it is to make 16 different palletes unique and at least kinda match the character while having the same main 4 colors. I will address Grian, dw. Boogey and dead eyes are the same color, regardless of character.

3rd Life

Alright, so, from the base rules, nothing changes. It uses the same logic mentioned up above. Green, yellow, red, and grey. There's no real special mentions here that are exclusive to 3L.

Last Life

Similarly to 3L, LL lacks any specific changes to eyes. The only addition are the new eye colors for boogey and 4+.

Double Life

Here, characters share eye colors. What do I mean by this? I mean, their signature eye colors are at a gradient with their soulmate's. So, for example, Pearl and Scott's Green eyes are mixed as a gradient with both are on green. This applies for every life, and every soulbond. It gives people slight clues as to who exactly their soulmate is, but its hard to tell. When scar showed up boasting purple eyes, everyone was confused, to say the least lmao.

Limited Life

ok i'm definitely the happiest with this one. The idea is that everyone's eyes are functionally, like a clock. I illustrated it really badly, but the idea is cool ok. The idea is that like, idk, every 1/8 of someone's eye represents an hour. Every hour lost from the 'benchmark' turns to the next color. For example, if someone has 24 hours, their eyes are pure green. If they have, say, 18, they only have 1/4 (2/8) of green left, the rest of their eye being green. If they have only an hour left, they only have an 1/8 of an eye red, the rest being grey. The color of their current life slowly recedes in an almost spiral pattern as time goes on. If someone somehow had 24+ hours, same rule would apply to their 4+ life, so to speak. they'd only have a sliver of the dark green, with most of their eye being their 'normal' green.

Grian

okay, I know for sure people are questioning why Grian's eyes are neon purple. The reason why is on the simpler side. Watcher. He's the only one out of the players to be an actual watcher. Some people (like Pearl and BigB) definitely have some ties to them, but Grian's the only full blown watcher. (Martyn is tied to the listeners, who are green to me, so his colors are greener despite being prone to violence lmao. And Scott is tied more to the Speakers, who are blueish/cyan to me. Pearl, as Scott's soulmate in DL, has that bluish tint to a degree. )

But, you might ask, how do people not notice??? Well, its because of my Grian design.

This is old and it doesn't quite show my idea well, but alas.

I've already made reference images for this and I can't find the motive to draw a Grian headshot lmao. The idea is taking the Watcher's face plate. You know the one. The mask. And taking that, and instead of having the Evo symbol, no, it has, guess what. Grian's weird freaking eyes. Yep. Whether this was his attempt at camouflaging himself among non-watchers, or if it was his basically middle finger towards them, refusing to show obvious alliance with them, idk. All I know is he basically vandalized his Watcher mask. Still, you might say, that doesn't explain why is eye color is purple. Well, if you take away his mask, it's either basically a void with purple eyes inside, or probably some sort of void looking crack through his face, as if it isn't actually flesh. He can choose to have 'normal' eyes, but they always remain that Alexandria's Genesis purple, and it messes with his sight. Basically he sees too much. (I'd elaborate in my Watcher/Listener/Speaker post if people wanted 👀)

[felikatze]

emblem rinea emblem rinea emblem rinea

good morning june. you are getting. my scrunchies. EMBLEMS BERKUT & RINEA. my fan emblems are made for an AU by @thanatophagency !!! He told me about his Very Very Cool Alear-Veyle roleswap and I thought. "wwhat if. it had different emblems." and then i went hogwild.

SO!!! Berkut and Rinea are, of course, a Duo Emblem. They are also: Firene's Emblem. YKnow how Firene is very very much like Zofia.

(Berkut fucking hates it here and it's Rinea's ongoing psychological campaign to make him smell the flowers)

All my fan emblems have a less... protagonisty slant. They're either all antagonists or got possessed at some point, lmao. (It's thematic to the AU, and it's fun.) IDK if salem actually wants to use these for his AU but I'M having fun and since he only thinks about Alear it means I get to think about roleswap Veyle as much as I want.

So I also had the thought of. "Hey. since we swapped ONE pair of older-younger siblings.... what if. we swapped all of them." so now the younger siblings get to be the plot important ones.

Which means Berkut and Rinea end up with Celine, and as I was thinking about them at like, 1am last night, I did actually hit cinematic parallels. Celine thinks, knows, that she'll be queen one day. That Alfred's rule will not last long. She is prepared for it.

So Berkut and Rinea confront her with a possibility: What if he doesn't? What if you never become queen? What if all your efforts go to waste? Who will you be then? Who are you outside of being a princess? And hearing that from a guy who literally died trying to become emperor is very scary to her. And it's Rinea who helps her grow comfortable with the thought that one day Celine may just be herself, and nothing more. (And in the process also helps Berkut get some closure.)

Much like Sigurd, the two recall their deaths. And they recall their promise to meet together in the afterlife. Despite how bitter Berkut is, that's exactly what Rinea views being an Emblem as, and goddammit she's going to enjoy it. She and Celine hold tea parties :) Even though Rinea can't drink as an Emblem, Celine pulls out the most fragrant teas she has so they can still pretend. It's nice.

I also had a fun thought that, as a dark emblem, they take on the appearance of their last battle. Berkut insane with the purple smoke, Rinea all burned and witch-y. This guideline applies to all my emblems pretty much because it's fun!! Out of Salem's AU four hounds, I'd probably give this Emblem to Pandreo.... burned up by devotion, and all that... narrative parallels....

And that's the story stuff!!!

NOW TO MY FAKE GAMEPLAY!!!!

(I claim no guarantee that this would actually be a good and balanced Emblem in the game itself. I'm just having fun and laying out a general powerset for them helps make AU stuff. Ok.)

(You will also be getting my director's commentary on this.)

(This is definetely my Most Well Baked emblem just from a completion standpoint)

Berkut and Rinea - Emblem of Devotion

Alternate title: Emblem of the Scions (bcuz. Scions' Dance in Purgatory. yknow)

Invocation: Dance with us, Emblem of Devotion! (I'm a sucker for the ballroom dance scene and their ballroom feh alts. I might need to workshop this one depending on how Emblem Ninian shakes out.)

Engage Attack: Waltz Of Embers. Teleport an enemy within 10 tiles toward the user and strike them with a powerful Lance and Magic attack. Mystical: +5 range. Backup: enable chain attacks.

This one's!! So fun!! It's intended as a "reverse warp ragna" more or less. Based primarily on the fact that Rinea has Entrap in Echoes and she will not hesitate to use it so Berkut can kill you instantly. Embers obviously bcuz of the burning stuff, and Waltz bcuz. they like to dance :) Maybe the animation is the engaged unit dancing with Rinea as the enemy comes in and they Kill.

You could so cheese bosses with that. Who needs Astrastorm to proc aggro when you get a free 15 range guaranteed hit Entrap. (I cheesed two bosses with Entrap it was great.)

Engage weapons!!

Rhomphaia: Deals effective damage against armors and cavalry. +2 Speed when equipped. This one isn't really associated with Berkut, but it's a unique lance to Echoes. Same way Roy just has the Lancereaver because it's a FE6 Sword.

Seraphim: Effective against Corrupted. Listen I know this is Celica's, but Celica isn't here, and it's the only offensive magic Rinea has.

Kriemhild: 3-range lance that boosts def and res by +5. You'd think this is OP, but I've actually nerfed it by removing its innate skill. What the fuck, Berkut. This is definetely a bond lv15 thing.

Sync Skills:

Burning Echo: Sacrifice HP to gain Atk (-3hp for +1atk on a single turn. Amount chosen at will.) [When engaged only]. This one's intended as a counterpart to Celica's Resonance skill, except with this one, you can go big or go home. I'd image it would have an upper limit in an actual game, but the idea that you can put yourself at 1hp and use the remaining 60 to oneshot a boss is really funny. Based on Echoes' magic system.

Wildfire: Increases hit and avoid by +10. Increase by +5 oer A-Support partner within 3 spaces. This one is based on Rinea's passive skill in Echoes! I added the support based effect since Berkut and Rinea are the only enemies with anything like this. Considering that Veyle would A support with anybody, you could totally turn her into a situational dodge god.

Phantasm: Halves damage taken from magic and bows. This is what I nerfed Kriemhild with - by moving this to skills instead of having it be innate to the weapon. It could be percentage based, honestly, but eh, I like coming up with the names, not with the numbers

And that's Emblems Berkut & Rinea!!! My beloveds!!

[savage-rhi]

Hi hun, I haven't seen you around much and I know things have been super rough lately but I hope you're doing ok ✨

@vodkafolie Hey, hon 💙 Lot's been happening over here in my neck of the woods (literally, lmao). I'm gonna info dump.

I've been doing odd jobs to keep me afloat.

I got selected for another mental health program. The person running it is a well-known psychologist. I applied for this back in late December. Didn't think I'd get in since there were 1800+ candidates going for it, and I'm 1 out of 32 that made the cut. If the sample group of clients I get for the next 8 weeks goes smooth, I'll have a full-time remote job by Summer. I'm not putting my eggs all in one basket, though. I'm still looking for regular work.

The business proposal with the mental health app picked back up. We are supposed to meet sometime next week to discuss further if we're gonna move forward and what the partnership might look like.

I'm speed running through one of my graduate classes and going at a snails pace in the other. The technical jargon is burning me out, but my grades are good.

My college advisor and profs want me to attend summer term for the program, but alas *opens wallet and watches moth fly out* I've been going back and forth with them on how unless they're gonna cover for me, I can't do it until I have stable employment.

I'm meeting a long covid specialist. My secondary PCP discovered I may have undiagnosed POTS, and this fungal blood infection I had in my body last Summer (late August, early September) might be making a comeback. Some symptoms have returned. I'm not surprised. That's how I got it in the first place last year cause of immunity issues post-covid. I had to go on a strict diet for almost 3 months, take some nasty as shit medication, and I lost over 50 pounds. Hindsight, the weight loss was good for me, but if I have to do that again I'm gonna be bones by the end of it this time around.

With all the parasites, fungus's and other nasty shit I've caught and lived through, I'm either gonna be super human immune to everything and my blood will be the universal cure for all horrible shit, or one day I'm gonna be patient zero for something god awful. I've made peace with either option 😂

I got a vendor spot at a convention that's happening in less than a week. I've been prepping for that and hoping I make some money.

I'm taking a break on some of my long fics and writing requests, bbbuuuuttttttt...I also had a batshit crazy idea for a Luis Serra fic, and I'm balls deep invested. It's the only thing keeping me from a full writers block right now.

It's been...a lot, but oddly enough I'm happier than I was. I'm worn out, tired, and still stressed about money, but I'm not depressed like I was. Things are getting better in some ways. I'm trying to self-care the best I can, and reign in the ambition so my body has a chance to recoup.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk 💙🫂😂 I hope you've been doing well hon! I've been re-reading some of your work as of late too. It's been fun for me!

[coconurt]

Marcanne Week Day 6: Long-Distance/ Promise

Heyo! I missed yesterday's, but I'm back!

Have a slice of life Marcanne chatfic that ran way longer than I intended it to! (First time writing a chatfic, hope it turned out ok)

Tagging @a-wild-potato and @purple-autism-turtle

~~~

September 4th

11:17

Marmar: Hey Anne! Check out my new haircut!

Marmar: newcut.jpg

Marbles: My sister did the undercut for me

Frog girl: :0

Frog girl: MARCE IT LOOKS SO GOOD

Frog girl: wait when did u get that piercing

Marbles: Which one? :3

Frog girl: are

Frog girl: are you flirting with me

Marbles: Am I?

Frog girl: …

~

September 17th

17:02

Marbles: WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO COLD IN CONNECTICUT

Marbles: I MISS LA

Frog girl: why don’t you just put a sweater on /hj

Marbles: I have three sweaters on, miss smarty-pants

Marbles: I’m still cold

Marbles: It’s only September, what am I going to do in January?

Frog girl: put on another sweater

~

September 30th

21:47

Frog girl: have u talked to ur parents yet

Marbles: No, not yet

Marbles: Still trying to decide how to bring it up

Frog girl: ok

~

October 10th

01:22

Frog girl: guess what :)

Marbles: What?

Frog girl: I GOT A 98 ON MY BIOLOGY TEST!!

Marbles: AAAAAAAAAAA

Marbles: Anne that’s great news!!!

Marbles: I knew you could do it!

Frog girl: thanks again for helping me study

Frog girl: i hated to bother u, but i probably couldn’t have done it without u

Marbles: 🥺

Marbles: Anne you never bother me

Marbles: It’s not like studying with you over video chat is some big ordeal anyway

Frog girl: still i just…

Frog girl: i appreciate it

Marbles: 💚

Frog girl: 💙

~

October 15th

08:35

Marbles: Miss you Anna-banana

Frog girl: miss u too marbles

08:47

Frog girl: promise me you’ll come home for winter break?

Marbles: Promise

~

October 21st

15:02

Marbles: Look at this thing Sasha sent me

Marbles: https://www.tumblr.com/iguanamouth/160457891587

Frog girl: LMAO

~

October 31st

10:58

Frog girl: domino finally let me get her into her halloween costume!

Frog girl: costume.jpg

Marbles: OMG SHE’S SO CUTEEE

Marbles: I miss Domino

Marbles: Give her a pet for me

Frog girl: will do

~

November 4th

18:23

Marbles: THEY SAID YES!!!

Marbles: I’M COMING BACK TO LA FOR WINTER BREAK!!!

Frog girl: :DDD

Frog girl: MARCY THAT’S GREAT!!

Marbles: I’m so excited, I’m going to get to see you and Sash again!

Frog girl: I KNOW

Frog girl: although to be fair, you did see us last weekend

Marbles: That was video chat

Marbles: It’s not the same and you know it :(

Frog girl: yeah i know :(

18:41

Frog girl: hey, how did you get your parents to agree

Marbles: I promised them I’d be home two days before classes start, I’d Skype with them every day, and that I wouldn’t slack off on writing admissions essays

Frog girl: oh ok

Frog girl: that’s great but…

Frog girl: i thought you weren’t applying…?

Marbles: Um

Marbles: I may not have told them yet

Frog girl: oh

Frog girl: that’s ok marce

Frog girl: theres no rush

Marbles: Thanks

~

November 8th

02:26

Marbles: Anne

Marbles: Anne are you up

02:31

Frog girl: yeah i’m up

Frog girl: are u ok?

Marbles: Um

Marbles: No

Marbles: I’m really sorry to bother you but

Frog girl: marcy please dont ever worry about that

Frog girl: i’m always here for you ok?

Frog girl: was it a nightmare?

Marbles: Yeah

Frog girl: do you want to talk about it?

02:39

Marbles: It was so awful

Marbles: I’m so scared right now Anne

Frog girl: hey it’s ok

Frog girl: you’re gonna be ok

Frog girl: can i call you?

Frog girl: would that make it easier?

Marbles: Yeah

Marbles: I think so

~

December 5th

16:45

Marbles: It’s official!

Marbles: I just bought the plane ticket! I’m coming back to LA in two weeks!!

Frog girl: YAYYY!!!

Frog girl: I LITERALLY CANT WAIT!!

Marbles: I KNOW

Frog girl: im gonna hug you so damn hard

Marbles: And I’m gonna hug you right back

Frog girl: 💙

Marbles: 💚

16:56

Marbles: It was really cool of your parents to let me stay with you guys

Frog girl: pfft, come on marce, they LOVE you

Frog girl: they’re just as excited to see you as i am

Marbles: Aww 🥺🥺

Marbles: Thanks Anne

~

December 11th

12:37

Frog girl: MARCY LOOK

Frog girl: T H E B E A N S

Frog girl: dominobeans.jpg

Marbles: AWWWWWWW

~

December 18th

19:52

Marbles: DAMN IT

Marbles: I CAN’T FIND MY CHARGER

Marbles: I’m literally leaving tomorrow and I can’t find it anywhere

Frog girl: did u look under your pillow

Marbles: I think so

Marbles: It wasn’t there

Marbles: Anne I'm freaking out, what am I going to do?

20:04

Marbles: Nevermind I found it

Frog girl: was it under your pillow

Marbles: …

Marbles: No comment

~

December 19th

05:13

Frog girl: TODAYS THE DAY!!!

Marbles: TODAY’S THE DAY!!!

06:25

Marbles: I’m gonna get to see you face to face today!

Frog girl: I’m gonna get to see YOU face to face today!

Marbles: EEEEEEEEE

Frog girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

07:36

Marbles: I’m at the airport!

09:01

Marbles: Getting on the plane in a few minutes!

Frog girl: have a great flight marmar!

Marbles: Thanks!!

02:17

Marbles: Landed!

Frog girl: we’re at the gate! You can’t miss us!

02:25

Marbles: I SEE YOU!!!

~

December 20th

09:26

Frog girl: glad ur back marmar :)

Marbles: ???

Marbles: I’m sitting right next to you?

Frog girl: i know <3

Marbles: Well why don’t you say it to my face

Frog girl: oh i will

Bonus: they kissed <3

[friedesgreatscythe]

ARR speedruns are getting me through late winter into early spring, as well as allowing me a chance to come up with different characters to give AU Eorzea adventures. I've perfected it from about 10 days in February, to three days in the Eren Jaeger run last month, to possibly 20 hours total in my current Twilight Princess!Zelda run. I'm taking a break now because I'm holding myself accountable to productive decisions lol But considering the rate I've been going I'm almost posi I can manage at most a 24 hour run time.

I've perfected little ways to make it go by as quick as possible: start on Dynamis (NA data center that gives a massive exp boost) and always have food handy for another bit of EXP boost (if an FC invites you and has an EXP boost as well, all the better, but you don't have to rely on this); use NPCs in dungeons and pull big mobs if you're DPS or healer (the tank is beefy and the healer can keep up with him, but i haven't tested out the combo of you tanking + NPC healer yet); sign up with every chocobokeep at aetherytes so you can pass between settlements without spending much gil; use the airship service liberally to also save gil; if you go archer/bard, always use peleton to make sprinting faster; skip cutscenes (which i only condone here bc i've played the game before) and make the language Japanese and the text 9+ speed for the ones you can't skip. For the grand companies, the Immortal Flames or Twin Adders are the better choices since their headquarters are so close to major aetherytes (and will load in faster as opposed to Limsa, where everyone is all the damn time).

Using all this, I started the conjurer/white mage Zelda cosplay run yesterday at 12:30PM and got her to level 50 and unlocked Brayflox by 2AM. I did have to take a break for dinner, so that added about a half hour to the run time, and I did do two side dungeons for another boost of EXP, so that added to the time as well. I don't have gear good enough to solo dungeons at this point, but I can turn in the silver chocobo feathers I have to get some relic gear to help with iLvl and stat increase.

You may be asking yourself, "Krist, why are you doing all this?" And the answer is simply: so Twilight Princess!Zelda can get the Torgal mount and fit my own personal satisfaction of having a lore appropriate mount from her game lmao Also to keep seeing how fast I can get through ARR at this point.

The FFXVI crossover event lasts til May goddamn 8th. I have over a month to do it, but I have an awful sense of FOMO and an insatiable need to put pressure on myself to succeed, so this is how I've tried to come to terms with that. Even though I'm never satisfied with what I do. Even with all these accomplishments, I went to bed last night thinking, "What a waste of time, you're such a loser." And hey, that could be true, but as long as I'm applying myself to things that will actually help me in real life, I don't see the problem.

Which is why I'm spending the day typing up my rewrites draft notebook so I have that to work on in the oncoming draft.

Accountability. Productivity. Accomplishments. I'm capable of all of these, and now I just need to make sure I keep doing them, and that I include myself in these efforts. Looking after my mom and now my stepdad after his sciatica flare up has made me more aware of how easily and readily I'll set aside what I want and need to do for someone else. Reassuring my sister that I'm available to help whenever she needs it makes me aware of how quickly I'll reach out to someone else, but never think to offer that same support to myself.

My goal for the year is to finish this draft--polished, finished, ready for beta readers--by Thanksgiving at the latest. I know I can do it. I know I need to focus, to reach out to other writer friends who are on their indie pub journeys, or keep track of their progress and how they're handling themselves. I need to be more supportive to myself. I need to celebrate how determined I am, even through the hardship and discomfort of having no financial independence (and the BPD impulsivity of overspending when I do have money, combined with the PTSD sense of foreshortened future. Why save money when I can't imagine a need to support myself because I can't imagine wanting to live [which is different from wanting to die, it's simply a total apathy to the concept of existing and wanting to do so]).

I just... need to be better to myself. I need to jump to my own needs the way I do for others. I need to reassure myself the way I do for others. I need to set goals in the immediate and long-term future and meet them, and be proud of meeting them. I need to start looking at my life and what I'm doing in it as things that are good, and useful, and valuable, and necessary, and wonderful, because no one and nothing else is going to give me the life I'm desperate for. I don't get a second chance at this. It's not something I can start over. I'm alive now, whether I like it or not, and I have to keep dedicating myself to things that make me like it.

Even typing that out makes me scowl or cringe away from the very idea. But why? Why don't I want to make myself happy? Why don't I want to make my life better--to make my life my life, how I want it? Why can't I just... be a healthy person? Why can't I like myself--not even love, just like? Why am I repulsed by the very idea of taking care of myself? What happened to make me this way, and how can I fix it?

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

First of all seriously congrats on getting out of the spiral i understand how flabbergastingly difficult that is.

….that being said.. with as much the love and support I can share….

Please please please please next step- stop checking LI like that at all. Or like at all but ideal worlds etcetc It is not a safe place for anyone social interactions and active use can be a deterrent to potential employers as it shows mental instability and a dependency on social media etc etc businessbullshit

Take care you yourself please pretty please with a cherry and fun shaped sprinkles on top

You. Deserve. To. Rest. God. Damn. It.

Write it down in a notebook or notes app I know it’s hard to find the right Thing just please hang in there No more LI

I know I don’t know your situation you might need to be job hunting everyday to pay for medical bills or for whatever you may need -

just please be careful

And try to be kind to yourself please

hey hey! thanks for the support. I barely ever post on linkedin, only once or twice. I never share posts from other people either on there, either. I will occasionally like posts on there though.

I only had to make a linkedin account years ago in uni, bc the careers department basically bullies you to make one, to con you into thinking that that's the only way you'll be HEADHUNTED OMG!!!!.

but that's literally never happened to me.... and all I actually get on there is marketing emails for LI premium and learning (which is like $90 or something a month here in australia so I've never paid the sub) and scam courses from usually americans about resume writing etc but they want you to cough up $5,000 australian to do them.

I've always been super wary about linkedin in general, anyway. which is why I've barely ever posted on there, except for my uni graduation and when i started at my job last year. making my account for it back in 2016 during uni caused me to have an anxiety attack lmao. it's also why I'm happy I'm not checking it as often as well.

I had a year of rest in 2021 to heal from my surgery.... even though everyone was pushing me to "hurry up and get a job and move out and be an adult NOW!!!" including my surgeon. like guys. I just had some of the most traumatic 3 months of my life in my mid-20s. why the fuck would I want to be instantly back in the workforce????? holy fuck.

and plus, it did hit me while healing back then, a few times, how unwell and fragile I really was. because I bent down in woollies or coles (grocery stores here in aus) and couldn't get off the floor without grabbing onto something to balance myself. and that's when I started listening to the physios more in rehab hospital rather than my surgeon and everyone else, about taking it slow and healing... instead of trying to instantly jump back into casual or part time work in retail at the time; or even office work (since I learnt last year that stationary orders are, in fact, quite heavy when it's just boxes filled with packets and packets of paper; and other general office shit).

as for the medical bills, I don't have any to pay off since my surgery was completely covered by medicare. all I'm trying to avoid now in job hunting, is australia's incredibly punitive employment jobseeker income supplement payment requirements of meeting with a job provider each fortnight; and having to apply for 20 jobs a month or they'll take your payment off of you.... which is incredibly unhelpful when I need to pay my car loan and car insurance. although I'm pretty sure that's been updated but I can't remember how it's changed..... because I didn't need to worry about it last year whilst I was in my cadetship job since it was full time.

but yeah I just need to use LI as a way to look for jobs and maybe very occasionally interact with my old colleagues at my cadetship job (which I just left on the 23rd of march). but I am trying to interact with it less.

[salamoonder]

Alright, so here’s the thing. At this point, I actually don’t care what Artagan has or hasn’t done and, morally, what that means. It’s irrelevant. Interesting, but irrelevant. What I want to talk about is what the Nein, excluding Jester, know about him, and what they do with this information, and how they cast judgment.

Here are things that the nein have actually seen: fleeting glimpses of a figure in a green cloak. one conversation with a giant archfey who has recruited jester’s help in planning a convention. further, fleeting glimpses. very very brief phrases.

Here are things that the nein have heard about him from jester: he’s pretty cool, you guys :) . he’s got a chaotic streak, like her. he helps her pull off pranks. he’s always shown up for her. he’s handsome. he taught her magic. he kept her company when her mom was busy. he is her first friend. he is her best friend. he is her oldest friend. she really loves him.

and yes, they know he misrepresented himself to jester for years. they know he sent them to an island where you lose your memory every night. they know that he is sketchy as fuck and they do not know if he means what he says. and that is reasonable and understandable and fair.

here is something that i don’t know if you guys know about abusers, regardless of if artagan is one or not. (and he’s not. i’m not even going to say i don’t think he is, he literally is not abusive. words mean something; stop throwing them around because you personally don’t like someone.) you cannot tell their victims that they are abusive or awful or manipulative or horrible, and expect that to help. that makes it worse. the same is true of cults. you cannot, and i mean CANNOT, make yourself hostile, because then the outside world is hostile, and the abuser is safe. the outside world is hostile, and the cult is safe. furthermore you’re reinforcing what every abuser and what every cult plants in their victim’s heads--i’m the only one who would put up with you. i’m the only one who really loves you. everyone else will be cruel to me, but i’m the only thing you have. even if the nein had reason to suspect that the traveler was straight up abusing jester instead of just weird and shady, that is not a good response.

no matter how bad artagan is or isn’t, fjord, caduceus, and beau are still being condescending. they are still failing to trust that jester knows what she’s talking about. they are still trying to coddle her, they are still treating her like a child, and i want to talk about that. i want y’all to see that they’re still treating her like she’s emotionally fragile. like individually, i want to talk about that, and also the fact that everyone seems to want to lump caleb into this. (and yasha?? yasha has barely said anything about him, y’all.)

i’m going to skim over caduceus a bit because i don’t think his is a jester-centric problem. he tends to just trust that he either has the correct answers to a situation, or that even if he doesn’t know what’s correct, he knows what isn’t. this arc has been very interesting, because it’s been a lot of “i’ll play along with this because it sounds intriguing, but i’m going to be very self righteous about it the whole time.” like. the “we’re good” when jester brought up transferring followers to melora is haunting me. why “we’re good”? i get cad’s philosophy that not everyone is going to flock to one god--that’s fine, that makes sense. but the implication of “we’re good” really makes it sound like “mmm no thanks, none of these people would end up in my cool and correct religion anyway.” because he doesn’t know! he doesn’t know if any of these people would actually be happier and better off with melora. or. maybe he does know, or has decided, that they wouldn’t be, because these are not the kind of people that he could see himself falling under the same moral umbrella as. (lmao love how i said i was going to skim. anyway. again, less a jester thing, more a “cad is smug about everything” thing tbh.)

let’s move to fjord. he is quite honestly making me almost more uncomfortable than beau, because he’s making statements that i don’t really actually believe. “we just don’t want you to get hurt” is all very well and good. coupling that with agreeing with beau that they shouldn’t leave jester alone with artagan? without telling jester? does not jive. (i’m still not over the ridiculous of that, by the way. yeah this dude--no, this ARCHFEY, who could snap you in half in a moment--has been alone with her regularly for the first 20ish years of her life but now, now he’s going to try and kill her, and you’re going to be the one to stop that.) fjord keeps saying things like this--that he trusts her--but he doesn’t actually act like it. at one point he even says “if jester has faith in the traveler, that’s good enough for me, i suppose.” but it’s not, and he doesn’t act like it is. you know who actually acts like that? caleb. caleb’s getting his own paragraph though this is getting long as fuck. but if fjord actually meant that? he would’ve told beau “listen i know this situation is sketchy and i don’t like him anymore than you do but because i trust jester i also trust that she knows what she’s doing here, and i’ll be there to back her up with whatever she needs/wants me to do”. but he did not say that or anything like that. instead he agreed with beau to essentially be bodyguarding jester--without consulting jester about it at all. he wouldn’t have told jester “he’s generally full of shit, right?” about the traveler. jester is continually telling the group over and over again that she knows what he’s like. she knows Exactly how he can be. and the sad thing is, if fjord actually believed that she knew what she was talking about when she said that and if he believed that he could actually talk to her frankly and not that her feelings had to be protected at all costs (my skin is still crawling at “we don’t wanna ruin jester’s special day”. it’s not a five year old’s birthday party), then he would have straight up told her. he would have said “hey we’re concerned enough that he’s going to hurt you that we don’t think you should be alone with him. can we help guard against that?”

and i’ll be honest, i’ve kind of been squicked out by all the romantic posts about fjord and jester because he’s spent the last few episodes genuinely treating her like a wonderful but vulnerable child who needs to be protected from the world. when he told beau "I'm probably the least clued in as to how jester feels” i was like YEAH NO SHIT. and i know he meant it in a romantic sense but i feel that it’s true in general. like i get that he’s scared to talk to her. that’s fine. he doesn’t have to talk to her about her feelings, romantic or otherwise. but if he’s acknowledging that he does not at all know how she feels then he has no right to behave as if he does know. and again i don’t mean this in a romantic sense. i mean it in a, he is making the assumption that she can’t handle reasoned criticism of the traveler to her face, kind of sense. he and beau both are opting for “random insults, threats, and judgments they have decided apply” over “genuinely this is why we are concerned”. there has been a lot of “you don’t need him” and “you are better off without him” and “you’re better than him” and “you have us why do you need that” and those are judgement statements that are essentially meaningless. all they do is further demonstrate to jester that they don’t actually understand why she’s upset or what she actually wants.

i think caleb, mr i-eat-encyclopedias-for-breakfast, likely just has a better intellectual understanding of the fae and that may be why he’s not as outwardly concerned as the rest, but he’s also actually decided to trust jester that she knows what she’s dealing with. she has demonstrated both verbally and with her actions that even if she may not have known about artagan initially, She Knows How This Works. and he trusts that. caleb truly went “alright, i trust that you know what you’re doing, where do you need me” and that was IT. i’m not saying that he’s not allowed to be suspicious or concerned or wary of the traveler: i just don’t think he is. and i hate that people keep lumping him in with the rest of the nein “treating jester like a child” because they think he’s predatory or something--especially as caleb and fjord are pretty much the same age--when he is literally the only FUCKING person consistently asking jester how she feels and then actually acting accordingly.

and the thing is, you don’t have to be caleb and largely unconcerned, it is actually possible for you to show concern and alarm and wariness for your friend’s best friend without condescending to them and veth has been doing that this whole damn time. we know how she feels about him; she decidedly does not like him. but she set that aside to really fully listen to jester and then tried to be helpful to her in deciding what to do next, without inserting her own opinion. veth is the only one acknowledging that, sure, this looks really bad and i don’t like that guy, but you know him best, jester, and you know yourself best and so it should be your choice what to do in this situation. she reminds jester--if he is really a friend to you, and he is doing things you don’t like, then you can talk to him about that and he should listen. i want to talk about how when jester suggested that artagan join the mighty nein, there were exactly three reactions. extremely lame excuses from everyone but caleb and veth, “maybe, like, an annex--” from caleb, because he knows what everyone else is gonna say, and “we don’t like your friend” from veth, literally the only person who has apparently decided that jester can hear that without dissolving into a puddle or something.

and i want to make it clear--i don’t hate the actors. and stories are supposed to make you upset and uncomfortable, to an extent. they’re supposed to make you think. you’re not supposed to be happy when darth vader blows up alderaan. you’re not supposed to be happy when edmund betrays his siblings to the white witch. these are all excellent, excellent character choices and i applaud the cast for making them. and i don’t hate fjorester. and like yeah there have been a lot of cute moments in the last few eps. and they are cute and their story is compelling and it’s interesting. but i wish people would stop acting like fjord’s attitude towards her is perfect and lovely and that he trusts her sooo much when he is going behind her back like this. i am...the biggest widomauk shipper. and i have to admit my heart does the swoopy thing every time i rewatch the forehead kiss. but that wasn’t great. it was overall really not a good read or handle of the situation. it was, there was an attempt. and i do think fjord is trying. and i think beau is trying too. and i think all of their attitudes however terrible just come from a place of loving her and wanting to protect her. but--and here i must point frantically back at artagan--loving someone does not mean that you’re not hurting them.

[dinosaurtsukki]

bsd as their zodiac signs | the decay of angels

a/n: i love writing for these nerds in case you couldn’t tell however i haven’t written actual headcanons in a long time so pls forgive me if its not that good ;-;

fyodor dostoevsky | scorpio

i swear to fucking god i love astrology so much because it confirms my compatibility with my fave anime characters 

scorpios are known for being dark and edgy and while i think that’s kind of stereotypical, it does apply to our russian man

but what i think about most when it comes to scorpios is that they’re very intense when it comes to their convictions, kind of like fire signs 

also very secretive and mysterious, which we can really see in fyodor’s character. the only time he’ll tell the truth is when it actually benefits him

he can be very blunt though when speaking to people in a more casual setting. he just doesn’t see the benefit of beating around the bush and expects that people should be able to handle criticism (no matter how harsh it may be)

when it comes to relationships, he can definitely be obsessive and controlling

i adamantly believe that fyodor is the clingy type. like, he won’t show it in public and in front of other people and he hates when you bring it up, but he’s clingy

it’s part of him being obsessive and he loves being a dom in the relationship. the more you rely on him the more he loves it

i’m sorry i think i’m just straight-up simping here

a fucking expert at riling people up he doesn’t even need to try

scorpios have a better handle on their emotions compared to other water signs and fyodor is exactly that

nikolai gogol | aries

lmao no wonder him and fyodor get along so well (scorpio x aries is a pretty good dynamic)

nikolai’s excitable energy and also his stage presence is very aries, he loves drawing attention to himself

he can be more than a little impulsive and competitive though. he’s always looking for ways to spice up his boredom

LOVES playing games of any sort (lmao decay of angels board game night) but he hates it when he loses (and he always loses to fyodor)

he’ll sulk after losing but it’s only for like twenty seconds and then he’s asking to play another game

aries tend to have a bit of a problem with authority because they prefer having their own agenda and being the one to lead

and with nikolai we can see that even though he’s part of the decay of angels, he still ultimately has his own motives

also him valuing his own freedom and self is very aries

going into relationships, nikolai is definitely one who has a lot of surprises in store

would definitely take you traveling and make last-minute date plans

not shy with his affection at all but at the same time, he doesn’t quite have a filter so expect him to go ‘hey babe, you look like a mess’ during one of your dates 

upside though is that he’s’ very affectionate and loves to call you all the embarrassing nicknames that exist

if you compliment him he’d love that so much too

sigma | birthday not mentioned but i’m hc-ing him as a virgo

i feel like the kind of person who’d run a sky casino the way sigma does would be a virgo because they’re amazing at task management

he’s very meticulous and pays so much attention to detail that nothing escapes him

a lot of his identity is connected to his sense of responsibility towards other people 

definitely the mom friend around fyodor and nikolai even though he doesn’t know them that well (highkey judges them too but keeps it to himself)

actually he’s judging people 90% of the time and trying so hard to keep quiet about it but that’s nothing compared to how sigma judges himself

but if you ask him for an honest opinion please be prepared to have your feelings hurt cause he can be just too honest

also not the most emotionally affectionate and the most he’ll do when your sad is awkwardly pat your back and ask if you want food

but he’s amazing at remembering things. you could off-handedly mention this new dress you saw in a shop and a week later it’s wrapped in a nice box on your bed

also sigma never forgets date nights or birthdays or anniversaries. actually, he’ll be sprinting towards the restaurant five minutes before your date if he has a full day of work

he rarely ever asks for it either but sigma is terribly touch-starved, especially since he works so hard and has to keep up a certain composure the entire day

please just let him fall into your arms at the end of the day and promptly take a nap he’d love you so much for it

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @kiyoobi @atsumusdomain @laure-chan @goodfoodxoxoxo @guardianangelswings @ah-kaashi @loisuke @whootwhoot @liz-multifandom-hotel @kac-chowsballs @violentfarewll @fyoyacanruinmylifethanks @nightmare-light @rirk-ke @miyakiyo0mi @whorefordazai @rirk-ke @cross-crye @alohablue

[rpmemestorehouse]

2010′s Internet Memes Starters

Change wording as needed

“Are you frustrated?”

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I-”

“Let me tell you why that’s bullshit.”

“Oh stop it, you.”

“Aww yiss.”

“France is bacon.”

“That’s cute.”

“Lie down. Try not to cry. Cry a lot.”

“Has science gone too far?”

“...said no-one ever.”

“We need to go deeper.”

“Do you think this is a motherfucking game?”

“NOPE.”

“Oh baby, a triple!”

“Brushie brushie brushie~”

“Spooky scary skeletons!”

“FUCK YEA.”

“You could stop at five or six stores, or, just ONE.”

“You hear about video games?”

“Release the kraken!”

“Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?”

“ ‘It will be FUN’, they said!”

“You’ve been GNOMED!”

“Deal with it.”

“And not a single fuck was given that day.”

“It’s a double rainbow!”

“The rent is too damn high!”

“You jelly?”

“Challenge accepted.”

“Come at me bro!”

“Pootis!”

“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?”

“Are you a wizard?”

“Bitch please!”

“I know that feel bro.”

“Shut up and take my money!”

“I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”

“NO.”

“I hope you step on a LEGO.”

“That really rustled my jimmies.”

“And then a skeleton popped out!”

“I’ve seen some shit.”

“gEnIuS!”

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

“This isn’t even my final form!”

“You had one job.”

“Kill me.”

“Majestic as FUCK.”

“Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to talk about [insert]?”

“I swear on me mum...”

“You have no power here!”

“REKT!”

“What a time to be alive.”

“If I pull that off, will you die?”

“It will be extremely painful...for you.”

“FUCK THIS GAY EARTH!”

“Hide the pain Harold.”

“Local man ruins everything.”

“Mom, get the camera!”

“I cri evrytiem.”

“The struggle is real.”

“I am the one who knocks!”

“Perfection.”

“This is the darkest timeline.”

“I’m about to end this man’s whole career.”

“I regret nothing!!!”

“I lied.”

“I’ve seen enough [insert] to know where THIS is going.”

“Oh god why-”

“Everyday I’m shufflin’-”

“You wot mate?”

“Everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked...”

“Man door hand hook car door-”

“Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on my sweater already, Mom's spaghetti-”

“Oppa Gangnam style!”

“When [place] is ashes, you have my permission to die.”

“I only cried for 20 minutes.”

“Pepperidge Farm remembers.”

“Go home, [Name], you’re drunk.”

“Fuck me, right?”

“I should buy a boat.”

“2deep4you”

“Apply cold water to that burn.”

“420 blaze it!”

“That’s a nice new [insert]. It would be a shame if something happened to it...”

“I too, like to live dangerously.”

“You know nothing, [Name].”

“I’m getting too old for this shit.”

“Does this look like the face of mercy?”

“It was me, [OWN NAME]!”

“Stop trying to make [insert] happen! It’s not going to happen!”

“You merely adopted the darkness.”

“See? Nobody cares.”

“I will find you, and I will kill you.”

“I understood that reference!”

“Listen here, you little shit-”

“It’s an older meme, sir, but it checks out.”

“Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli.”

“How do you do, fellow kids?”

“Ow, the edge!”

“*teleports behind you* Nothing personal, kid.”

“Pee is stored in the balls.”

“We have food at home.”

“You must be new here.”

“Goats are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters.”

“ERMAHGERD BERKS-”

“That’s the evilest thing I can imagine!”

“Dammit Moon Moon!”

“When u mom com home and make hte spagheti-“

“When will you learn? When will you learn?! THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?!”

“helo would u like some of this hot choclety milk?”

“Be strong, [Name]. Be strong for Mother.”

“Ayy LMAO.”

“Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”

“Shrek is love, Shrek is life.”

“Heard you were talking shit!”

“The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

“Look at me. I’m the captain now.”

“This could be us, but you playing.”

“They played us like a damn fiddle!”

“I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.”

“I’m in me mum’s car, broom broom!”

“Hand me the aux cord.”

“Press F to pay respects.”

“Trust nobody, not even yourself.”

“Anime was a mistake.”

“It’s just a prank, bro!”

“Don’t talk to me or my son ever again.”

“Are ya winning, son?”

“Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.”

“I lived bitch!”

“You just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand.”

“*chuckles* I’m in danger.”

“That wasn’t very cash money of you.”

“They had us in the first half, not gonna lie.”

“DEEZ NUTS-”

“Alone on a Friday night? God, you’re pathetic.”

“Why the fuck you lyin’? Why you always lyin’? Mmmm oh my GOD, stop fuckin’ lyin’~”

“You’re gonna have a bad time.”

“I’m at soup!”

“IT’S TIME TO STOP!”

“Congratulations, you played yourself.”

“I’m you, but stronger.”

“This is fine.”

“Hello darkness my old friend~”

“Sosig.”

“Jesus Christ, it’s Jason Bourne!”

“I have crippling depression!”

“WE ARE NUMBER ONE!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo.”

“Take a fucking sip, babes.”

“Brother, may I have some oats?”

“God I wish that were me.”

“Ah, I see you’re a man of culture as well.”

“Oh, worm?”

“Hewwo!”

“Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?”

“Am I a joke to you?”

“Let me in. LET ME IIIIIINNNNN!!!!!”

“You know I had to do it to ‘em.”

“Why is the FBI here?”

“Oh no baby what is you doin’???”

“Hey man, you see that guy over there?”

“Buenos días, [Name]!”

“Hey there demons, it’s me, ya boy.”

“Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.”

“Then perish.”

“Somebody toucha my spaghet!”

“My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined.”

“Weird flex, but okay.”

“I’m baby.”

“STONKS!”

“OK, boomer.”

“Yep, this one’s going in my cringe compilation.”

“This is so sad. Alexa, play Despacito.”

“Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.”

“All right then, keep your secrets.”

“They did surgery on a grape.”

“It ain’t much, but it’s honest work.”

“Look how they massacred my boy!”

“Bro! You just posted cringe! You are going to lose subscriber.”

“Wait, that’s illegal.”

“Bro, I’m straight-up not having a good time.”

“Gonna cry? Gonna piss your pants maybe?”

“I’m gonna do what’s called a pro gamer move.”

“Say sike right now.”

[ahwait-no-yes]

Let’s talk about if Saihara hated Ouma

So lately I’ve actually seen a bit more comments on how Saihara doesn’t actually like Ouma and people have gone as far as saying he hates him and idk why people genuinely believe it so here I am about to refute that (I’ve been waiting ages to make this post just so you know so this came out as a horribly unstructured ramble more than anything oops)

some notes beforehand:

I have an obvious bias as I do ship saiouma. although i’ll try to be neutral on what I say here, I can’t hide my bias. I have tried to include what people that hate this ship believe to counter them though, also if you ship other things that’s totally fine?? don’t think of any of this as an attack at your ship and I’m not saying Saihara loved Ouma, I’m just tired of people saying Saihara hated him.

You’re allowed to respectfully disagree as long as you don’t berate me or say I don’t know the game when the majority of the screenshots in this are from my own gameplay, lmao. 

and massive whole-game spoilers! Don’t read this if you’ve not finished DRV3!

Glad to know you made it under the cut! now I can begin with where I think people got this idea that Saihara hates him from- the infamous “You’re alone Kokichi and you always will be” line.

I admit this was very cold and still breaks my fragile saiou heart, but to base Saihara’s entire perspective of Ouma on this one line he said while he wasn’t thinking straight is just.. no.. It’s unrealistic. we’ve seen how Saihara is able to adapt his views and grow (I’ll come back to this later), he’s not stubborn in this regard like Momota or even Ouma is, so even if he did mean it 100% (which I doubt because when *anybody* is angry they will say or do things they may regret had they been calmer), it’s not like his view on Ouma from chapter 4 was his final view on him. And that’s what people fail to realise. 

So, how does Saihara view Ouma then?

well, I’d say he’s been interested in Ouma as a detective from the moment he met him with his curiosity piqued at Ouma’s claims of leading a secret organisation.

and he remains curious about Ouma throughout, always questioning why Ouma says certain things, what Ouma is lying for, he just wants to figure him out- and this doesn’t just apply to free time events either

I think you get my point there, now, I think if I didn’t ship saiou and read this, I’d argue these are all pre-chapter 5 and before the breaking line so he may have been curious before but not after- that then brings me to my next point

Saihara was confident- dare I say believed- in Ouma, especially after Chapter 5.

how bold of me to say ikr, but this ties in to Saihara’s ability to adapt his views. He’s sort of like a mixture of both Kaito and Ouma honestly, because naturally as a detective he has to be suspicious and think logically as Ouma does, while at the same time Kaito taught him to believe in his friends which has also helped him to advance in trials. I think he might have extended this belief to Ouma, because he trusts that Ouma is doing what he does for a reason.

In fact, I’d argue he’s the only one of the remaining group who wouldn’t readily accept pinning Ouma down as a villain. If anything, it’s the opposite- Saihara fought to clear Ouma’s name, and never stopped trying to understand whether or not his intentions were true or false

i’ll just drop this screenshot here (that i named THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY.png in case you were wondering)

this is what I mean when I say he wouldn’t accept it as fast as the others and would second-guess it, bear in mind this is the moment Ouma “admitted” to being the mastermind. and it’s not like this doubt was sudden or anything, cause I can recall this moment (that I actually didn’t catch on to on my first playthrough)

which gives me the idea that hadn’t Ouma purposefully messed with everyone and built up his bad reputation, it would’ve been so much easier for Saihara to disprove him being the mastermind at the point he said it. 

Anyway, going back to my point- excluding Kaito (cause Ouma directly told him), Saihara is the first to bring up Ouma’s innocence, and this is what I mean when I say Saihara believed in Ouma

note that I say believed in. believing Ouma and believing in Ouma are different, it’s like how loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things, so don’t argue that by saying “he didn’t trust him” because ik that and that’s not what I’m trying to say.

but he did believe that Ouma had his reasons, and he tried to discover and understand them. I mean, take this for example

he’s already on board lool look at him go, but no really look at the confidence

he’s both confident in himself and in Ouma not lying here, then goes back to being curious about his intentions

oh and let’s not forget who it was that searched Ouma’s lab to find clues to prove he is a remnant of despair. Why do you need to search for evidence for something you (and the others even more) think is irrefutably true? the answer is obvious- he was doubtful of it from the start, and needed evidence to convince himself it was true, but then as he found nothing to prove it (and even evidence against it), he had to convince the others of it too- and prove Ouma’s innocence

(the last screenshot was from Hikkie’s playthrough on Youtube) 

But as you can see, he’s clearing Ouma’s name as the leader of the Remnants of Despair. 

Now, I bet someone would argue that this only proves Saihara was determined to find the truth in general, because he’s mister detective, so I’ll raise you the fact that Saihara didn’t need to try figuring why Ouma does the things he does- he could leave it at just knowing the truth and if he really didn’t like Ouma like people say then there’s not much merit to it. 

“So what if I know this now? I didn’t care about him, it’s pointless” he could’ve thought something like that, but no

(I also think the “you’re lying again kokichi, there’s a method to your madness” moment fits here too)

Not only this, but there’s also how Saihara learnt from him.

honestly im still kinda mindblown from this ever since I first realised it, but when you think about it, Ouma hinted to Saihara in his FTEs how to win the game.

(those 3 screenshots are from justonegamr’s kokichi’s FTE video; random fun fact this was the playthrough that i watched while first getting into drv3)

But if you think about it, Ouma tried this again in his own trial in his attempt at ending the killing game and then Saihara also used this to actually end it

Not only that (which personally i think is pretty powerful in itself), but Saihara also tries to take Ouma seriously and picks up hints he leaves and uses them later

as well as

et

(and generally just)

generally, Ouma will hint and then Saihara will pick it up. it’s been like that for the whole game- why should Saihara give any extra thought to what Ouma hints if he dislikes him?? really, he could’ve just ignored him the same way he did at the end of chapter 4- but again, he didn’t “”hate”” Ouma enough to keep ignoring him, he considered him a friend in the end anyway.

and the end is what I’ll talk about now, too.

first- can we just acknowledge this?

he doesn’t ignore Ouma at all here. even though he didn’t trust him, he was sad to have lost him. 

Not to mention the way he thinks about lying at the end of Chapter 6. (like, please this is just-  *chefs kiss*)

IMAGINE Ouma was alive to hear him say that omg but Saihara could (and probably would) extend what he says here to Ouma himself- y’know, the ‘embodiment of lies’

by thinking about lies in a different angle instead of at face value like this, he gets a more neutral view on them rather than just thinking “they’re bad!!”, why wouldn’t he be able to do the same for Ouma? especially now that he knows Ouma was innocent and actually hated the game as much as they all did. I mean hey, even after chapter 5′s trial he sort of already thinks about lies differently

and throughout this post, I’ve tried to avoid talking about his free time events or his salmon mode ending because people always say “well they’re not canon” and to that I say not canon to the plot, yes, but still canon to the characters. so yeah, I don’t disregard any of them.

from this point onwards these all technically happen before chapter 5, so it’s not entirely relevant to my point that saihara still liked ouma even after the end of chapter 4, but it’s still something that shows he liked him beforehand at least. I mainly just wanna ramble though haha

one thing I’ve always thought was interesting was how Saihara easily lashed out at Kaito in his own free time event

and Kaito is undeniably Saihara’s best friend who he holds in high regard. If Saihara having backbone means he doesn’t like someone then damn bye bye momota have a nice trip in space

in terms of ouma and saihara though 

how about the fact that Saihara willingly sat there and played rock paper scissors (janken pon!) with Ouma 100 times?? bruh I got bored playing that with my brother after 8 rounds yesterday how would Saihara manage 100?? would you really have the patience for that when you don’t even like the person you’re playing with?

how about his third free time event too?

(from justonegamr’s kokichi fte video)

Saihara wanted to spend some time with Ouma, that’s- its literally written there I don’t know what you want from me the guy wanted a nice time with someone he supposedly doesnt like

what I love about this is how “reaching out” could be taken both literally and figuratively. Wanting to understand someone and trying to find a way to but them being too unwilling to trust anyone.. damn 😔👊 also shuuichi either wanted to handshake or hold hands, what else do you do when you reach for someone’s hand come on

oh yes and how about that he’s content with the refusal because it allowed him to figure out a small thing about Ouma? understanding that Ouma has a different way of being reached out to? mhm please think about that for a bit

that parallel in the salmon ending too...

he considered how it’ll be like with him after they get out and how he’ll learn about him, then ultimately decided when ouma reached out to him that he does want this, and even comments on the warmth of his hand... afhskfdlj

his blush when ouma mentions how his lies didn’t bore saihara was also a very cute moment

ooh and what about the love hotel???

there’s that one line “I know i’m meant to be Kokichi’s ideal in this fantasy but when he tells me he loves me I feel like he means the opposite” or something like that- i’d argue it’s because he’s cautious of Ouma for one but also am I getting something wrong here or is he talking about how he, Shuuichi, thinks Ouma doesn’t like him?  because I see people argue this is proof saihara doesn’t like ouma but all he’s really doing is just doubting ouma loves him

well in any case

WHY would he want him to stay in a love hotel of all places if he disliked him?! I know I’m just a broken record at this point but I can’t think of anything logical for it. they didnt even need to include that line in the scene at all but they did like they could’ve easily said something to do with realising where he was instead but nah. even after the event’s over, he says to himself

doesn’t he sound disappointed by it? and the fact that he even questions if it was a dream- okay  

ooh, something i’ve realised while writing this as well: it kind of seems like Saihara might not want to like him but does anyway; he quickly ‘smothered the thought’ of staying with Kokichi, didn’t want to admit that Ouma’s lies never bored him, and I also thought about how in one of Kaito’s free time events he says to himself “I shouldn’t be talking about another boy like that”- well, maybe it’s similar for how he thinks of ouma? it’s not like Saihara didn’t care for the others’ opinion on him (probably the opposite ngl if you mess up in class trials he says something along the lines of“Ah I screwed up! They probably think I’m a fraud”) and considering nobody else liked ouma (except for maybe gonta) I wouldn’t be surprised if he felt shame for liking him, thus repressing that feeling (especially around the others, there’s that part in trial 4 where he’s trying to convince kaito he isn’t siding with ouma cause he knows by doing that could damage his friendship with his bro)

I mean this is something I only thought of just now, but it could be plausible (i hope?)

One last thing- I find it incredibly funny how in chapter 2 when ouma is literally on top of saihara he doesn’t freak out or scream and everyone else in the room is also completely chill with it and unquestioning. no really they’re just standing there.. and how long was ouma even in that position for??

Now, I think that’s all. So to finish off, I’ll just say

People get the idea that saiouma is bad because some don’t realise Saihara can still like a person without idolising or putting them on a pedestal. Idk if this is gonna sound controversial or not, but I honestly do think he did exactly that to Kaito and Kaede- which doesn’t make what they have with him toxic or bad at all, I just think his view on Ouma is a lot more realistic and less clouded. Heck, if Saihara canonically liked Ouma as much as he does with the other two I don’t know if I’d ship saiouma as hard as I do (it is fun to imagine though).

If you actually read through this then.. wow? I’m surprised you got through this unstructured mess? I hope you can agree with me for some of my points at least but I’m not here to convince you or anything, this has just been on my mind for weeks now I needed to get it out somehow.

I said it at the start and i’ll say it again now too- i didn’t intend on attacking or comparing saiou to any other ships so I do apologise if I seem like it, i’m just terrible with my wording (lmk if something genuinely offended you, i’ll probably change it) but you’re free to ship whatever you like cause at the end of the day it’s just a bit of fun. that being said, I don’t want to actually argue on this so please don’t haha, i’ve contemplated just deleting this but I’ve put a lot of effort into this post even though i cant analyse for 💩

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your day!

have the kokichi gaygun as a farewell present

[seelestia]

pssst hey your cool(?) virtual cousin here. would u like to visit my virtual house this weekend my husband will be cooking his signature slow-cooked bamboo shoot dish oh and also bring ur detective bf too, i'd like to interrogate talk 🙂nicely🙃 to him - yknow just some family bonding time <3 /j

pffffft i'm imagining poor zhongli having to take care of two hu taos sldkslkdls he's going to grow some white hairs lmao

childe helps him out to create a youtube channel and sends him scripts for zhongli to read.... some lines sounds a little questionable for an audiobook but what does he know, maybe it's just how young ppl these days talk? some kinda slang he doesn't really understand? but why do they all sound so romantic???

meanwhile childe cackles as he watches zhongli's latest asmr video goes trending and people are having a mental breakdown over his clueless friend's voice saying "welcome home, would you like to have a bath first, or dinner, or perhaps... a kiss?" slfjslkskdsl

hmmm i see i see *notes down on clipboard*

hhhhhhh yes i saw that trailer last night with my brother and i was like 'hmmm ok al haitham kinda cool' while he was all 'wow dehya girlboss badass'... 

i'm pretty sure they have a bot (or some kind of automation?) for monitoring the blogs :/ yeah i heard about that too hence the usual 'no spam liking!' rule on most blogs... but like, how many likes are counted as spam?? and within how many seconds?? ah well... i think i've moved for good anyway, tumblr can do whatever as long as my new blog is safe lol

me: m-mono anemo? / hyv: mono anemo :)

(pls hyv mercy i don't have any vayuda turquoise gems anymore xiao and jean and kazuha ate all of it-)

hskdjskdks probably... oh well i guess i'll just settle with seeing him from time to time on the rare times my brother kindly graces my noob acc with his fully built teams... one day, diluc will come home. that day might not be today. but one day....

LOL IKR shameless behavior i swear /lh and thank you!!! may all zhongli wanters be zhongli havers!!! i am crossing my fingers for everyone who pulls for the ceo of geo himself!!! hmmmm maybe i should try the 'apply element to character to increase the probability of the gacha' approach hshdjhd zhongli come home the power of money compels you

ah ok that's good! gotta eat your meals when you're still growing!! hehe zhongli wouldn't need to worry i always eat my meals altho i only have them twice per day - but i'd like to think that he'd watch contentedly as i happily nom on things tho he will probably give me a disapproving frown when he sees that i'm holding my chopsticks incorrectly oops

how dare you put the question next to the cool because i can vouch that it is the absolute truth. (/lh) i can visit but i must warn you that heizou said he is very much looking forward to it i am concerned. will our family bonding time become a heated debate... i'll go make some tea when that happens.

zhongli and constantly being surrounded by gen z's in modern au gives me life, and then we have venti who has perfectly integrated into the said generation without fail 🚶 oh, zhongli, the way you can put us all to sleep with just a few words <//3 (maleficent's spinning wheel could never fkekkdkfks) and childe definitely promised him a box of imported limited tea for it JFKWKKDS

v3.0 hype, aaaaa !! i didn't get to watch the livestream in real time, but i heard it crashed for a bit??? 2.8 flashbacks it feels like yesterday when people were fawning over inazuma's release and thinking that miko was the electro archon fwjfksjedk. sumeru just arrived, but it made me more excited for fontaine now because i just know i'm going to vibe with the city !! and it makes me think of a historical au with nobleman!ayato *COUGH*

and you're not just going to get diluc too !! tighnari and albedo will be added to the standard banner soon, so that's some new varieties to lose our 50/50 to ;D

mono anemo until there is a commission titled emergency and it's an eye of the storm FWSKDKS PHYSICAL XIAO, LET'S GO. (/j)

i usually have kokomi to heal heizou or klee when they take damage, but having zhongli will definitely and significantly increase the survivability of the team !! >:) my hp artifacts that i saved for yelan are waiting for you, grandpa. (/lh)

i shall need all the calcium and protein !! but the pride i feel knowing i'm the same height as xiao SENDS ME EVERY TIME. indeed, you are the super cool virtual cousin who has me on a leash and i thank you deeply for that, rin, nyehehe <3

p/s: your dynamic with zhongli reminds me of the down bad enthusiastic talker + the listener who sips tea who admires said talker fjwkdkkas

[writingindulgence]

Painting Nails with Gojo Satoru (x reader)

Pairings: Gojo Satoru x (unspecified-gender) reader

Genre: Good friends with some mutual pining, a bit of fluff and a bit of uncertainty, reader has their mind in the gutter for a split second 

Lmao, how long can someone write about painting nails T.T 2800+ words

When you recently mentioned that you had no free time to refresh your nails due to the influx of odd jobs here and there, you didn’t think that it would lead to your long time friend, Gojo Satoru, sneaking into your room at the Tech with a bag full of nail polish.

He was in the middle of laying them out haphazardly onto the coffee table. Colours ranging from neon bright to the darkest of shades stood before your very own eyes on full display. Their shapes were as varied as the palette. Standard round, rectangle shapes, funky stars and fragile butterflies just to name a few. 

The shock of what was transpiring had yet to register in your mind, a dumbfounded look creeping onto your face.

It wasn’t even the first time that this has occurred. Once in a while you would come back from a mission in another city, ready to fall down onto your bed in the one place that you could call home, only to have this excuse for a friend barge in on your time of relaxation. Sometimes, you didn’t inform anyone when you would be back in the hopes of being left alone but he always seemed to find out the best time to annoy you. When you were tired. 

“What the actual fuck are you doing in my room Gojo-san?”, you drop your tattered bag onto the ground before closing the door. 

The feeling of his incoming whines and guaranteed pout had become something of a sixth sense to you now. You thought that maybe he would grow out of it after his teenage years but the gods weren’t as merciful as you once believed them to be. 

“(Y/n)-channnn, why are you so mean to me? I haven’t done anything for you to call me that”, he dramatically groaned out before flopping onto your bed. 

Glancing at the table, you notice that his sudden movement knocked over some of the bottles.  

You also know what he meant by that. You only ever call him ‘Gojo-san’ when he screws up or when you are both in the presence of his students. 

As much as he likes to tease you in front of important people, you aren’t that unprofessional as to disrespect him as an educator in front of the students that he teaches. The kids already make fun of him and if you were to join in at the same time then you would begin pitying the man. 

You walk over to the sprawled lamp post of a human and indicate with your hand to scoot over before proceeding to throw yourself down beside him. 

“What is this about, Toru-kun?”, your eyes lazily scan over the nail polish. Of course you know what is going on but Gojo Satoru is a man that enjoys being humoured. 

Poor Ijichi-kun ends up as the victim of a lot of his whims when you’re away. Scratch that, even when you are around the unfortunate fellow gets bullied like a kindergartner at a playground.

“So~ I’ve noticed that your nails-,”

“I mentioned it.”

“.. have been looking rather-,”

“I mentioned it.”

“..duller than usual so-”,

“I-”, 

His body flew up from the lying position and a hand suddenly came into your view. Before you could do anything, Gojo clamped it over your mouth, an unseen eye-roll definitely going off under his blindfold. 

He wasn’t really irritated but you took it as a win for all the times he irked you in the past month.

“I NOTICED YOUR NAILS LOOKING DULLER THAN USUAL SO I WENT OUT OF MY HUMBLE WAY TO BUY THESE,” he finally lets you go after finishing what he wanted to say.

The sheets under you have become disheveled, your thrashing around to get away and shut his loud mouth in case Principal Yaga hears brought about no results. There was no rule against being in the same room, you weren’t some silly teenagers and even if you were, the Tech wasn’t that strict anyway, but the thought of his disappointing gaze burning into your soul…

Your thoughts are disrupted when Gojo throws two pillows onto the floor. Knowing that there is no escaping this, you dust down your clothes and gracefully sit down. 

Who knows? This may actually turn out to be relaxing. Even if you’re wrong then spending time with friends is precious, no matter the activity. Especially in this line of work. There is no telling when one might hear the news of their comrades’ death. 

Gojo sits on the other free pillow and smiles. “Any colour pulling you in? If not then I would love to recommend, you know, I’m sort of an expert at this.”

You laugh slightly at his confidence before agreeing to his proposal. As long as it’s not too ugly then you really don’t mind what he ends up picking. 

In fact, you trust his judgement when it comes to fashion. His casual outfits always end up taking your breath away. You’re forever glad when he forces you to go along with him to the shopping district. You know your style and what you’re comfortable with but Gojo presents you with something unique every time.

“Hmmmm...then, what about this one?”, the hand that was under his chin as he was contemplating leaves its position and he quickly picks up a (f/c) nail polish. 

The container is cute too, a glass cat face. Though how did he figure out what colour this was with that blindfold? Only Gojo knows. 

You reach out for the item but he leans back and pulls it to his chest. Your eyebrows scrunch in confusion. 

“(Y/n), (Y/n), (Y/n)...,” he creates an X with his arms before continuing, “Bzzzt! Did you really think I would be so rude as to leave you alone with that tedious job? Who do you take me for?”. 

He grasps the fabric where his heart is located and fakely sniffles. Oh, so he wants to paint them for you. Figuring out that you may as well indulge in a little care, you extend your hand for him to hold. 

Gojo twists the nail brush open and dips it into the bottle a few times. His tongue is poking out as he tests how much of the liquid is on the brush. You don’t even question how he will paint your nails without seeing properly. Understanding his infinite capabilities has become second nature to you. 

Instead, you focus on the feeling of his hand when it grasps yours. 

It’s bigger and somewhat rougher, though not uncomfortable. Really, it feels secure to have around your own.

Jerking back at your line of thinking, you can feel the heat growing on your face by the second. Calm down there, no need to get ahead of yourself. You’ve held hands many times in the city before so that you don’t get ‘lost’, how is this any different?

“Hey now!,” Gojo grips your hand more firmly than before. 

“Sorry, sorry. I had an itch,” you come up with an excuse and double down when you scratch your shoulder with a free hand. 

He doesn’t say anything in return, there are none of his usual comebacks. That’s suspicious, he always needs to have the last word in no matter what. 

Instead he applies the first stroke of nail polish on one of your nails. 

His movements are steady, no shaking, and he doesn’t miss any spots. The process is...pleasant, being attended to by another. 

He moves on to your second finger, repeating the action from the previous one, applying just as much attention. 

Now that you are sitting still, barely breathing as you look on, his hold has become almost airy. Unless you focused purely on the skin to skin contact, it was as if your hand was levitating. 

Ah, technically he could be using ‘Infinity’ and keeping your hand away but...it made you feel weirdly unhappy. Your mouth tugged down in dissatisfaction unconsciously.

At the same moment, Gojo grasped the next finger on the list, the sudden feeling coming as a surprise. You barely held in the shocked gasp, tingles travelling up your arm. 

He didn’t say anything and continued the procedure. 

You peeked at his face to see if you could read him but there was nothing at all to go off on. No smile, smirk, pout or frown. 

Sheer concentration. 

It wasn’t unwelcome, in fact it was peaceful without the usual banter. And it wasn’t unbearably serious either. If you had to put a word on it then it felt...intimate.‘Wow, what the hell? Chill, he’s only a friend and this is simple nail painting’.

The clock in your room ticked continuously until eventually your fingernails were all finished. It took extra long because Gojo insisted that the proper way to do it was to paint two layers. So in the end you had to sit through another few minutes that honestly felt like an eternity. 

You hoped that you hadn't sweated with how warm it had gotten on your end.

“Alright! It’s your turn (Y/n)-chan,” he made finger guns and pointed them at your bewildered expression. 

“It isn’t fair if only you get this spa worthy treatment, no?”.

“Satoru, I think you overestimate my ability to paint nails. Of course, I do a fantastic job on myself but I am hopeless when it comes to others,” you explain. 

You may have over exaggerated a bit but if this goes on then your thoughts will enter dangerous territory, not that they haven’t already.

Distractions aren’t helpful when you are a jujutsu sorcerer, particularly in the romantic scene. 

Have you daydreamed about such scenarios? Yes. 

Would you like to experience them? Definitely. 

However, what you want and what you can have are at odds with each other.

“Don’t be a bore, come on, come on,” he sticks out his own hand before thinking up something and reaching towards his blindfold. “Let’s make it a challenge. I had such a difficult time so you have to suffer too”. 

He frees his eyesight and stands up. You’re about to follow but he shakes his head and kneels behind you. 

The smooth fabric covers your eyes and the pressure as he tightens the blindfold rubs against the back of your head. This feels like the beginning of a dirty situation-

A resounding smack travels in the enclosed room as you slap your cheeks simultaneously. This isn’t the time nor place.

“I’m accepting my resolve,” you throw out before Gojo can ask you why you hit yourself in the face. 

You hear him shuffle back to the pillow as well as glass tapping against glass. A nail polish bottle is shoved into your unprepared self. “I’m in your hands now,” he laughs stupidly to himself at his own pun. You can’t help cracking a small smile too.

Blindly, you fiddle around in front of you, wanting to start this. Clicking your tongue, you’re about to give out but Gojo finally decides to stop being a prick and gives you his hand. His shakes from laughter make themselves known but you ignore him. 

Unscrewing the bottle cap, you get to work. 

Only, you have to feel around for his fingernail. It’s impossible to hit the target without searching around first. 

You become overwhelmingly aware of the close proximity yet again and your heart skips a beat. The fact that you can’t see anything makes it far worse as your sense of touch becomes more sensitive. Your shaking hand dabs the point where you think the nail polish goes and you begin painting. 

Gojo’s amusement must have stopped too since you don’t hear him chuckling anymore. Is he looking at you? Or is he looking at his poor skin whenever you miss the fingernail? He doesn’t have his blindfold on so his eyes have to be focused on something. 

But what?

The silence becomes unmanageable and the constant skin against skin friction twists your insides. Is it just you? Or does he also think the same way?

“You know, you have pretty eyes. If you start an Instagram page with photos of them then you’ll get a following in no time,” you offhandedly mention to start a conversation. Knowing Gojo he’ll take the compliment, tease you a bit and move on. You shift around in the pillow before progressing onto the other hand, having speedrun the first, before he starts talking.

“That’s not a bad idea. You can do the eyeshadow and we can make some money,” he hums in agreement. The sound of extra cash nearly makes you drool but then a realisation hits you, like a truck an isekai protagonist. If you were to do the eyeshadow then you will no doubt have to be very close to his face. No way.

“On second thought, I don’t think we have the time,” you laugh it off. 

His disagreement comes soon after. 

“Haaaaaaah?! Then why did you mention it?”. His muscles tense, about to pull back to cross his arms but he remembers that you’re in the middle of painting his nails. 

After that, you both fall silent again. 

In the end, you get through the last finger and close the nail polish bottle. You tried your best, having taken your time despite it making you feel a certain way whenever you had to touch him longer than is necessary. 

You get up and reach out to unhook the blindfold but larger hands stop you in your tracks from behind. They pull yours away and drop them at your sides. 

“Allow the amazing gentleman, Gojo Satoru,” he gently takes it off as you stand unmoving. 

When light from the window hits your face, you scrunch your eyelids shut, waiting to adjust to the bright atmosphere. A hand patting down your hair makes them shoot open and you turn around to complain. 

Whatever you were going to say gets caught in your throat as you look up into his light blue eyes. His expression is serene, free of any worries but his eyes seem to be trying to speak a thousand words. 

They too look composed but you get the feeling that he’s trying to communicate something to you.

Swallowing, you clench your hand (conscious of the recently dry nail polish), and place it over your chest. “Satoru..um,” you pause, not fully comprehending what you want to say, or rather, how you want to say it.

Your eyes widen when you notice his hand traveling towards yours. 

Clumsily spinning around, you head for the pillows and shake off the dust that accumulated on them. 

“Thanks for today. I’ll have a nap, since I’m still tired from the flight.” 

You show your gratitude but hide the words your heart wanted to really express. 

You don’t turn around to see his expression. The sound of his blindfold going over his eyes is what you hear first. Then, 

“Don’t worry your sleepy head over it! Sweet dreams, (Y/n)”.

The door opens and closes gently behind you. 

Once you’re sure that he is far down the hallway, you throw yourself onto your bed, put the pillow over your face and scream. Feeling a little foolish, you stop and look over your nails. 

He really did a great job.

-Next Day-

The sun is shining brightly therefore there is no better time to take a walk. Which is why you aren’t surprised when you stumble upon Sukuna’s vessel, Itadori Yuuji. 

The teenager has a tub of ice cream with him. Maybe you should get some too? Gojo is bound to have some in his mini freezer.

“Ah! Hello, (L/n)-san,” the boy waves his hand in greeting and jogs over. 

“Itadori-kun, is it alright for you to be outside like this?,” you ask with concern. 

There are only a few people that know about his current state of being alive. When you heard that he died, you came as fast as possible to comfort Gojo. 

“It’s fine! Everyone is gone and Ijichi-san is on the lookout at the front gate. He’s meant to give me a ring you see”. He looks down.

“Oh! You’ve got some nice nails there,” he points out as he takes a bite out of the dessert. “You match with Gojo-sensei,” he adds after a second.

You pause your appreciative smile at his compliment. Excuse me? 

“Excuse me? Match?,” you prod him to elaborate.

The teenager scratches his cheek. 

“Ehh, but he said the plan was to match all along. Though they don't exactly look the same”.

Your eyes tear up in embarrassment at the turn of events. You’re matching nails? You thought for definite that he would wash them off when he gets back to his room. Not only that but putting the blindfold over your eyes must have been his sly way of making sure that you don't notice they're the same colour. 

Itadori shakes his hands in front of him before bowing. “I-I’m sorry (L/n)-san! I did not mean to insult the way you painted Gojo-sensei’s nails. They are a bit tactless compared to yours but that’s okay,” he apologises profusely, mistaking the root of your shame.

‘That dumbass Gojo Satoru’

[z-1-wolfe]

Parhelion Headcanons (sir this is all for you) @greenbeany

Putting 'em under the cut because they got very long O.O

I- the gnome is Neon I take no criticism. They are often good-natured souls with a more mischievous side, and if that doesn’t describe Neon I’m not sure what does. Playful, funny, good intentions, that my good Bean is our lovable cat personified. Okay Parhelion dnd au with gnome Neon please /j.

I AM SMACKING THE GUN OUT OF YOUR HANDS [runs into a glass wall] dammit,, guess I gotta talk now

I- oh no,, time to fail the exam I guess (turns all your head canons upside down)

Okay they do sleep yes they do. Actually that’s a lie only Ciel sleeps, the other two are insomniacs. Ciel has all of her day to day life planned out to the minute, so she heads to bed at a certain time and wakes up at a certain time, the other two are more of a “we’ll sleep when we’re tired” kinda duo. Unfortunately due to Ilia’s night terrors and Neon’s ADHD they almost never rest. No they do not sleep in a SANE bed, ha why would they have a bed? They sleep in a hammock all tangled up with each other. It’s hard to tell what order they sleep in when they kinda curl into each other. They do not use a duvet, why have a duvet when Neon is a space heater? There are no pillows on the hammock X). OKAY THEIR ROOM, THIS I GOT, it’s a funky mess that is somehow organized thanks to Ciel. Ilia doesn’t own a lot in general but it was her life’s dream to paint her bedroom rainbow so guess what they have now. The other two are too soft and they supported her efforts and they love her despite her poor design sense XD.

I- why closet ASDFG I mean— No they do not share a closet they all have completely different fashion sense and if that was all in one place people would be genuinely terrified. But since they’re broke they had to make do with one walk in closet that they partitioned off into sections. YES THEY DO HAVE MATCHING OUTFITS THEY ARE SO CUTE LIKE THAT. They tend to be like those cute couple outfits with a few variations to match their own personal style. But their favorite matching outfit are these duck hoodies they own courtesy of once again Ilia living out her childhood dreams. No they don’t own many outfits because like I mentioned earlier they are broke x). Hmm thinking about each other’s styles… Ilia think both of her girlfriends have great taste, she loves the well, neon of Neon, and the prim and properness of Ciel. Neon just doesn’t care XD. And Ciel is just, she’s just standing there wishing she could help their fashion sense, but she holds back because “It does suit them in an odd way.” Ciel gets the most compliments on her style hands down, she looks organized and you can bet she saves money to buy outfits that actually accentuate her cuteness. They don’t wear makeup no time for that (in which you learn Z has little to no knowledge in how to apply makeup and doesn’t know how to answer that question)

OH OKAY I LOVE VIDDY GAMES. Ciel likes real-time strategy games because she’s insane and that’s literally all she knows in life thanks to being raised in an upper class family in Atlas. Neon likes open world games, something something she likes the chance for adventure and determining one’s fate for themself. Ilia has never once played a video game until after she defected from the White Fang but I can see her playing something light like Stardew Valley, low stakes kinda games. Hmm, they might play Animal Crossing together? Since it has aspects they all enjoy. They each have an individual switch (Ilia has a coral switch lite) and one shared PC. Okay game with most hours, maybe Minecraft? They still haven’t beat the enderdragon because Neon keeps getting distracted XD. Neon is the bomb at party games though, you can bet she has a perfect score on all the songs in Just Dance. Ciel is a sharpshooter, god knows who taught her how to shoot like that. The biggest splatoon fan is unfortunately not Neon it is Ilia, she loves all the colors in the game ^^. But she and Neon have wracked up quite a few hours in co-op.

Uhhh books!! Ilia likes fanfics :) it’s unfortunately one of the only ways for her to see positive representation of herself. Neon for some reason reads Epics?? Like her favorite is the Epic of Gilgamesh what is up with that?? Ciel reads webtoons :), she reads enough serious stuff for school work and such, she likes to just kick back and relax after all that. Yes they have schedules reading time courtesy of Ciel :). Uhh, they relax by baking together. None of them had many chances to indulge in sweets while growing up so they make full use of their time now. ?? SPOON?? Cuddle hours happen on a whim, the one thing that Ciel can never schedule because she never knows when it’ll occur. They relax the most in the kitchen x) because that’s where they bake, it’s not unusual to find Neon asleep on the counter while she waits for their sweets to rise. They read in the light, Neon is afraid that by reading in the dark that they’ll all ruin their eyesight. Ciel likes the sunrise because she’s up the earliest and is the only one to see it, the other two prefer sunset because that’s usually when their day is about to begin XD.

Favorite spot for dates! The park ^^, they like to go on picnic dates with all their baked goods. There is no plan, usually one of them will randomly pull the other two out of the house because they haven’t touched grass in a while XD. There are no ideas, they share one braincell and they spend too much time doting on each other to use it. Uhm favorite movie genre,,, they like comedy movies :). Their favorite place to eat is this tiny store on the corner of their street that makes mean gyros, they heccin’ love them. Coping with horror, Ilia is desensitized to horror because of the things she’s seen in life, Neon treats it like a game because she knows it’s not real, Ciel, is okay with it, but she gets shook more easily than the other two and they often have to reassure her. No they do not like theme parks, there are too many people around for Ilia and Ciel and Neon respects their boundaries so they tend to go to more quiet places. Uhm heights, Ciel is used to heights because she’s friends with Penny and woah can that girl toss her in the air like she’s a couple of grapes. Ilia doesn’t mind heights but she would prefer to have her feet on the ground. Neon loves the ground so damn much if it leaves her she will cry because man she can’t roller-skate in the air can she, what will she do if the ground is suddenly gone? They like evening dates because it’s normally the only time all three of them are awake enough for it XD. They end a night by sleeping I am not quite sure if there are other ways to end it lmao. They absolutely despise Neon’s roller skating dates but they love how excited she gets about them so they end up becoming as good as professional roller skaters because the smile on Neon’s face when they join her is dazzling.

I am slowly going insane. Yes each girl has a hobby I sure hope they do. Ilia knits, Ciel paints, and Neon writes. I would like to imagine that Ciel would try to schedule time for their hobbies she ends up giving up because all their sleep schedules are wack. Designated chef is Neon (probably made food for FNKI back in atlas), designated driver is Ilia (I mean I like to imagine she stole cars and stuff in the White Fang XD), designated decorator for stuff is normally Ciel though Neon does try to hijack a few of her plans occasionally, designated shopper is Ciel because the other two have no concept of Saving money, and they all work together to clean :). They don’t work together, they believe in keeping their work life and home life separate to prevent their feelings from getting in the way. They do not have pets, none of them have the energy or responsibility to do that, but Ilia did once bring a moose home one day for some reason.

I am nomming on your arm sir. Ilia and Neon get along with Penny surprisingly well, though I do think Ilia would get along with Weiss better? Ruby and Weiss look at Ciel and see a beacon arc Weiss and more or less adopt her despite Ciel being older than the two of them. They might like.. play board games together? Like some of those more team based board games I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, may the best polycule win. I cannot see them in a cuddle puddle to be honest ajcnjsanjs I am so sorry— hmm Ruby and Neon do not know the meaning of formal, as far as they are concerned these are their girlfriend’s friends and that means that by extension these are their friends. Weiss would like nothing to do with Neon after Neon insults Yang during the Vytal festival but she begrudgingly goes on outings with her and hey, now they’re make up buddies for some reason. The parhelion gals take the fs gals to the gyro place they like :). Parhelion gang Is a lot more vocal on their dates because their love language happens to be words of affirmation while the fs gang’s happen to be physical touch. Both polycules are very very affectionate though I will die on this hill.

DARN IT TUMBLR ONLY LETS ME HAVE 10 IMAGES PER POST THIS IS FINE IT WAS JUST ONE MORE PROMPT DARN IT

(Parhelion angst! How do Neon and Ciel react to the news about the dust mine? How do they find out about Ilia getting expelled? Do they find out about the white fang? Is there any faunus stigma afterwards? How does Ciel react to people bullying her Faunus GFS? Does Neon talk to Ciel much after? Do they ever reunite? Does Neon attempt to help Ciel while she grieves Penny? Where the fuck is Ciel now? Is Neon still alive? Does Ilia ever think about them? Does Blake know about them from Ilia?)

BUDDY I CAME TO THE LAST ASK AND NOW ONLY DID I REALIZE YOU MEANT PARHELION BACK WHEN THEY WHERE IN BEACON THIS WHOLE TIME I’M CRYING. (This ask is answered under the assumption that they are already dating back in Atlas Academy) Ciel is fiercely protective of her girlfriends, though people only know that Neon is a Faunus because Ilia masks her traits during her time at the academy. Neon and Ciel are horrified about the news about the dust mines. They know that Ilia is a Faunus and that her parents were working there so they rush to see her as soon as possible. But they’re too late,,, Ilia’s already been expelled for attacking her fellow students. They don’t hear from Ilia for a few years after that and the two slowly drift apart, each blaming the other for not getting to Ilia soon enough. They don’t find out about the White Fang until they reunite with Ilia unfortunately, but they feel sad that Ilia had felt that they only way for her to get revenge for her parents was by joining a militant group (I’m working under the assumption that Sienna only took control of the White Fang shortly before Ilia joined). When Neon learns that Penny didn’t make it after the Fall of Beacon she hesitantly reaches out to Ciel for the first time in a year, and she does try to help. But for Ciel it’s blow after heccin’ blow and she pushes Neon away in a rage. Ciel leaves the Academy after that and goes rogue, working as a huntsman without a license for the poorer parts of remnant. Ilia is unaware of all this drama during the Beacon arc. The next time she hears of any news is during the Fall of Atlas, and she’s scared, scared because she’s still recovering and she just heard Ruby announce to the world that Remnant is under attack, and oh my gosh her ex girlfriends live in Atlas. Neon makes it out alive, though not entirely in one piece, she now has a prosthetic leg. Ilia is the first person to see her, it’s a tearful reunion and they haven’t fully made up yet, but hey it’s a work in progress, now they just have to find out where Ciel is, but when they do they’ll BOTH be there to greet her. Blake has no idea who the fuck Ciel and Neon are lmao, Ilia never told her anything about her past romances when she was in the White Fang.

Oh gosh I think that's it-- And that is it thank you for listening to me ramble about Parhelion you get a juice box for making it this far. Sir I am sincerely sorry for turning your ship upside down please forgive me.

[yourmcu]

Bloodlust

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x vampire!reader

Summary:

There’s a vampire in the city. Natasha (and Steve) went to investigate the aftermath of your killing spree.

Word count: 2,402

A/n: disclaimer! all info about vampires, description of vamps are based on tvd

Warnings: blood, violence, swearing, angst but fluff at the end? kinda confusing if I’m being honest but that’s ok! lmao

gif not mine! credits to the owner^^

Natasha found herself walking around the woods again. Not because she wanted to - well, half of her did, but she needed to find and talk to you for more important reasons.

The day (or night) before yesterday, she crossed paths with you. She went out with Steve in the woods to investigate more than a dozen deaths that occurred in less than two weeks, it was nothing compared to Loki’s attack in New York but they were... gruesome.

Steve pressed a button on the remote, showing three different pictures of the victims as holograms. They weren’t normal - murder - pictures, no bullet wounds or knife slices/stabs. One had bite marks all over their body, one’s head was entirely snapped off. But they had one thing in common: they looked drained, and thin. “There are fifteen more like that. Each gory than the other.”

They all let out noises of disgust.

“Definitely a psychopath,” Tony muttered.

“A deranged serial killer?” Bruce suggested.

“There’s bite marks. It’s probably an animal.” Sam emphasized on ‘bite marks’.

As she continued to walk, Natasha’s fingers brushed on the mark on her neck. For something that was two days old it still stung really bad sometimes. She’s not proud of it. You made her feel incredibly vulnerable that night, weak.

It all started when you jumped from a tree and landed on your feet just behind the redhead-

Natasha had her gun pointed at you in an instant. She was trained and could identify a murderer when she sees one but surprisingly, you looked... normal. Her eyes lowered, checking you out if you had something sketchy on you, but you just looked like a civilian in their mid-twenties or thirties.

You put your hands behind your back, smirking. You licked your lips and mimicked the way she looked at you up and down, not showing any signs that you were threatened by her lethal weapon. “Hey there.”

She was beautiful. Red hair with blonde tips, green eyes, plump lips, she gave off a fierce aura. She looked tough. You liked it.

Natasha kept her usual cold expression and her tone wasn’t any different. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Neither should you...” you reached out to rest your palm on the barrel of her gun and-

Bang!

She let out a shaky breath when you barely flinched as she shot a bullet through your hand, eyes widening. It was a metal bullet, it had little to no effect on you. You made an amused noise before ripping the weapon out of her grip and used all your strength to pin the fighting ex-assassin against a tree.

Her speed and strength surprised you. She kicked you hard in the abdomen before her back hit trunk and punched you across the face several times. For you they only stung for a moment; she had no match against you. She had no idea what she was dealing with.

Natasha looked up when she doesn’t hear pained grunts or signs of weakness from you. You smiled, gripping both of her wrists again. “I’ll have a go now, yeah?” She was grunting, struggling, trying to push you away. “You’re stronger than I thought you’d be.”

You forced her to look straight into your eyes. The only light source was coming from the moon but you could still see her green eyes perfectly. So beautiful.

“Think you can relax for me, hun?”

Natasha stared up at you curiously, breathing steadily. To her you looked so irresistible all of a sudden that she had no choice to listen. Her hands that gripped tightly on your arms relaxed, she was now the one holding on to you.

You moved a side of her hair back to get a clear view of her neck, smiling, “good girl.” Your fangs protrude and poked the sides of your lips, the whites of your eyes turned crimson red as black veins popped out just outside both of them. The smell of her blood filled your senses more intensely-

Well you all know what happened next.

Steve decided to show up while you were feeding on Natasha, successfully saving her from you, much to your dismay. They evacuated right away so you wouldn’t do more harm to the pair. They’d be fighting for a long time against you if they stayed, now knowing what you were capable of.

Natasha hated that she felt intrigued and curious by you, or eager if that’s one word to describe it, she doesn’t know exactly what she was eager for but, she can’t help but think about you.

A small cottage came into view, finally, and Natasha stopped walking. Under different circumstance she’d say it looked pretty cozy. She went on to knock on the door, not sure if you were the one occupying it, but she was right.

You answered the door, raising an eyebrow when you saw who it was.

She doesn’t say anything but her heartbeat quickens. You wordlessly stepped aside to let her in.

“Miss Romanoff,” you said softly, not wanting the air to be filled with awkward silence. Your eyes trailed her as she looked around your - the supposedly abandoned cottage that you may or may not have forcefully stole from a now deceased man. “After what I did to you I was sure the last thing you wanted was to see me again.”

She opened her mouth to speak but was astonished by how fast you’ve gotten in front of her to look at her neck. The bite mark you caused was still there and still looked bad. She tried to read your expression but couldn’t, and was taken by surprise when you bit your thumb without hesitation, a generous amount of blood oozing out.

“I... I don’t-”

“It’ll help but, suit yourself,” you shrugged, wiping away the blood and the wound immediately healed right after. You disappeared for a moment in the kitchen. “I apologize, I’m not used to having visitors. Are you here to kill me, Miss Romanoff, or did you want something else?”

Your stare lingered on her when you came back with a bottle of wine. You did a lot of digging on this woman ever since your encounter and if it wasn’t for your sudden attraction to her you would’ve finished her off already. You thought she was merely a sidekick to Captain America but as you dug further, she might as well be as dangerous as you.

But she was quiet, soft and maybe nervous around you, giving you the feeling that she felt the same way. Your little crush grew more at the thought. As a vampire, everything about you was magnified. Your senses, strength, and if you ever felt it for a certain person, feelings.

“I’m here on behalf of the Avengers,” Natasha spoke, slowly as if she’s choosing the right words to say. “Look, we mean no harm to you, or your kind. We just want to know your intentions...”

“It’s Y/N,” you said absentmindedly, and added, “you’ll never convince me, unfortunately. I won’t come with you.

“I’ve been around for, what, two centuries now and... that sort of play’s getting old. I lost friends the last time I heard that same line.”

You rubbed your temple while taking a swig of the red wine straight out of the bottle. 

“I’m sorry to here that.” Natasha shifted from where she was standing, still not budging whenever you urged her to take seat. 

She didn’t know where to go from here if she was being honest. The plan - well, the original plan, was to kill you. Stake to the heart. Just like that. But after hearing that little story, Natasha’s regrets about suggesting an interrogation on you faded. It’s not like you wanted to be a bloodsucking, immortal monster in the first place, right? You were human once. And it didn’t seem like you dedicated yourself to be completely against humans, because if you did, Natasha would be dead right now without a doubt.

She may or may not have suggested that because you also did leave quite the impression on her.

“Is that genuine, or is this all part of your plan to kill me?” You said coolly, getting up once more to put away the bottle. “Because you’re doing great - oh I forgot, you’re a spy, after all-”

In a swift movement you found yourself on the floor, bottle shattering, drilling pain on your shoulder and Natasha above you, pulling out a pistol. You winced as you struggled to pull out the thick wooden stake buried in your shoulder. You definitely did not expect that.

Natasha gave you an almost apologetic look, but it returned to its usual stoicism. “I’m giving you a chance to do this the easy way,” she breathed out. The sudden attack made you turn to your original form, she looked at the way your eyes faded from red to white again, black veins still pulsing around them.

With your incredible speed and strength you applied pressure to her stomach with your knee and pinned her against the wall again. “What the hell do you want from me, Romanoff?”

What was she waiting for? She could’ve stabbed me already and her job’s done. She’s easily done this before, why was she hesitating now?

Your foreheads were touching and both of your breaths were ragged. Her eyes were so beautiful up close. “You never wanted to be like this,” her voice was barely a whisper. “It’s never too late to change.”

You weren’t all that bad, Natasha was right. You still had a bit of goodness left in you. The vampire that turned you so many years ago didn’t give you a choice, everything just sort of happened. You had no choice but to live like this.

“Is that what this is about?” You mumbled back, loosening your hold on her.

Both of your guards were completely down now.

“I’m a monster,” you said bitterly. “I’ve done horrible things. I’ve killed so many innocent people.”

Natasha gave you a sad smile. She almost had the same background as you. Being an ex-assassin, yet now she was saving lives almost every day.

“You know,” she said, feeling a tingle when your lips brushed against hers. “I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes.”

You gulped, suddenly struggling with your words. But you didn’t have to say anything anymore since her lips connected with yours. Natasha ran her hands on the back of your head while you cupped her face. 

The warm sensation didn’t last for long. You heard something whiz by, and the next thing you knew you had a burning sensation all over, it made you weak. You pushed Natasha off you to look for the source but you were too weak-

The last thing you heard was the door opening and Natasha saying “Clint!”.

-----

Your cell reminded Natasha of the one on S.H.I.E.L.D’s helicarrier, specifically the one they used on Loki. But yours was more small and instead of it being inside an aircraft it was inside the compound.

It’s been a few hours since you went unconscious. Clint used four vervain shots just to knock you out.  Natasha had to remind Steve endlessly that you were not to be killed unless things don’t go well.

“Are you sure this one’s a vampire? ‘Cause it looks like you just closed your eyes and picked a random person outside.” Tony leaned over the glass to get a good look at you.

But once you gained consciousness you lost it. You sped up to the glass, slamming your whole body against it which startled Tony. Not to mention you were in your vampire form.

Some of them cursed when you managed to get a crack on the glass on your third pound. “I don’t want to be here.” Your fists visibly shook as you spat at Natasha. “How do you expect me to change when you trick me, Romanoff?”

“Stark, do something about that glass.” Steve ordered as he pulled Natasha away from your cell.

“Right. You better have those shots at the ready too, Robin Hood.”

“Steve, I’m going in there,” Natasha removed his hand from her arm. She already knew what the look he was giving her meant. “I’ll be fine. Even I didn’t expect Clint to engage last night.”

So she made her way inside, the steel door shut behind her. You were silently pacing back and forth, still shaking. You had given up on the glass when it was replaced by a more durable one.

“Y/N...”

“Get the fuck away from me.”

“I’m sorry.”

You scoffed, glaring at her and glaring at Steve outside the cell who was watching you intently. “Just get your pals in here and finish the job.”

“I really do believe you can change-” she insisted.

When she went to touch your shoulder you immediately grabbed her wrist. Natasha was speechless when she saw your twisted face, eyes scarlet and unrecognizable, your fangs just waiting to sink into flesh.

“I can’t change.” you whispered. “I was meant to be like this.”

-----

Ending 1: Natasha fights and convinces you that you still have a bit of humanity, despite being what you are. You end up having to fight Steve and the others too but they manage to knock you out a second time. When you wake up, Natasha’s the only one in the room with you. That’s when you both get to talk properly, and then you get to be one of the Avengers. It’s unusual, but it works, using your powers and abilities for good, not having to kill people but you feed on blood bags instead (occasionally). And maybe you even end up dating Natasha.

Ending 2: You completely snap at Natasha in the cell. Steve and Clint burst in to help her. This causes you to get even more aggressive. The fighting took a while, Tony and Rhodey even got into their suits to fight you, but you threatened them with the lives of their friends so they couldn’t do much. You knocked out Steve, Natasha and Clint, so it was now Bruce’s turn. They were a bit conflicted of letting Hulk out since they were sure he’ll destroy the whole building. But Wanda came out, using her witch powers to weaken you, it finally ended with a stake to your chest.