#that there are no 'kisses' means scenes where touch and looks are exchanged -through all their degrees- bleed out so much more care

[flowerandblood]

The Prince and The Fox (5)

[ modern! • Aemond x friend! • female ]

[ warnings: angst, violence, swearing ]

[ description: After the events of her childhood, despite her best efforts, her neighbor and the younger brother of her friend Helaena, Aemond, does not want to know her. This state lasts until a house party organized by his older brother, Aegon, during which an incident occurs that will change their relationship forever. Slow burn, angst, toxic ex-Alys, rough Aemond. This is several anon requests combined into one fic. ]

WARNING: The main plot between the characters takes place in high school. Yes, in high school. The belief that teenagers wait with an intimacy when they are in love in high school is ridiculous to me. Aemond and the character here are the same age. Don't ask me how old they are, in my country you are of the age of consent in your first year of high school and an adult in the last year of high school, so if it is more convenient for you, think about it that way and decide for yourself. In this story, I am not following the trail that they are magically friends right away, but how they become friends and what that even means. I'm writing this fic to give the perspective of young, lost people, not adult women who want to see exactly themselves in everything they read. If that's all you expect, this isn't the fic for you.

I don't want whining about this in my comments or asks. I will delete these and block you. You have been warned.

Aemond + Evans Series Moodboard

This is my first story that has its own playlist, but yes! Get in the mood! Story Music Playlist Song used in this chapter: Ooh to be ah (Kajagoogoo)

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

In the morning, she was woken from a deep sleep by Helaena saying that breakfast was ready and that if she felt like it, she could take a shower afterwards. She rubbed her eyes, not knowing for a moment where she was or what had happened.

She thanked her and swallowed loudly, remembering the scenes from the night before, wondering for a moment if it was real or if she had just dreamt it. She quickly unlocked her phone to see her message history and froze.

Oh fuck.

She pressed her lips together thinking only of how embarrassingly pleasurable what she had experienced with him was, a closeness that probably surprised both her and him.

He enjoyed it.

He wouldn't have done it if it had been any other way.

She thought she couldn't screw it up.

She felt something for him.

She was surprised to see that in the kitchen, besides their mother, was also their father, whom she saw extremely rarely, from what Helaena told her he was often away on long business trips.

"Good morning." She said softly, and he nodded with a smile, swallowing loudly a piece of bread roll he had just taken a bite of.

"Good morning."

She decided to eat something light and settled for cornflakes with milk. She almost choked on them when Aemond appeared out of the blue, apparently he had just taken a shower because his hair was still damp.

He sat down opposite her and gave her a meaningful glance that made her hot, then reached his hand for the pancakes, involuntarily running his tongue over his lower lip.

She remembered the touch of his lips on hers, how soft and firm they were, how well he kissed, and lowered her gaze, swallowing loudly as she continued eating, listening to the exchange between Aegon and his mother.

"Your tutor says you can't concentrate and you're constantly looking through your phone instead of listening to what the teachers are saying." She said lowly, apparently hoping her husband would pick up on the subject as well. Mr Targaryen looked at her surprised and grunted, glancing at his son.

"Is that true, Aegon?"

Aegon rolled his eyes, combing through his hair with an impatient hand gesture, and snorted.

"It's Sunday for goodness sake, can I have at least one day of peace?"

After breakfast she thanked their parents for their hospitality, grabbed her things and decided she would go home, not wanting to take up any more of their time, she had to study for a test on Monday anyway.

Helaena hugged her and thanked her again for the lovely time, she glanced out of the corner of her eye at her brother who was sitting at the table looking at her with an impenetrable gaze.

They had not written to each other.

She wanted to, was even dying over not having contact with him, but on the other hand she thought that she couldn't keep nagging him now, that she had promised herself that she would let it all go at a leisurely pace, that hurrying might only discourage him.

She wondered if he was also thinking about her and what had happened between them.

The next day she got up very early and ran to take a shower, excited to see him again at the bus stop, to talk again. She was afraid that it would be awkward and weird, but at the same time she couldn't get the smile off her face. She decided to wear her favourite black short-sleeved dress with a collar, fastened with big white buttons and topped it off with black trainers.

She showed up well ahead of schedule, however, she couldn't stand to be home anymore out of excitement. She could feel her legs bouncing with excitement as she sat on the bench.

She swallowed loudly when she saw him walking with his backpack thrown over his shoulder from across the street, earphones in his ears as usual. Not knowing why, she got up from her seat as he walked closer, looking at him with big eyes.

For a moment they stared at each other, not knowing how to act, she could feel her heart pounding hard.

He pressed his lips together and looked away, swallowing loudly, without even taking his earphones out of his ears.

Something was wrong.

She didn't know why she felt such a tight squeeze of disappointment when he didn't sit next to her on the bus, but somewhere in the back, sitting with his hood pulled over his head, his forehead pressed against the glass.

He took a few steps back for some reason.

She swallowed loudly, feeling tears under her eyelids, turning the other way, wondering what she had done wrong.

She wiped her cheek with a trembling hand, ashamed that he had broken her heart with such ease.

She didn't seek his gaze or his attention, subconsciously sensing that he didn't want it, trying to focus on the class but feeling only a tightness in her throat and discomfort in her stomach. She thought she wanted to maintain her dignity, that she wouldn't run after him and beg on her knees for an explanation.

If he wanted to move away and changed his mind, so be it.

She tried not to look at him while he and a few other people stood at the bus stop waiting for their bus to arrive. She shuddered, however, when she heard someone say his name, a low, feminine voice.

She turned over her shoulder and noticed how a college-looking girl, much older than them threw her arms around him, she had long, beautiful raven-black hair, she was dressed in a smart, light-coloured coat and long, black heeled boots.

She looked so mature.

"Why aren't you answering my messages? Are you angry with me?" She asked, touching his arm in a way that suggested she knew him very well.

She saw him give her a quick, frightened look, as if he was uncomfortable that she was watching the scene, and then swallowed loudly, tense.

"Not here, Alys." He replied so quietly that she barely heard it.

"Are you ashamed of me?" She giggled, a genuine smile on her lips, her eyes bright, intense green, beautiful.

She felt tears under her eyelids again and turned her back to them, quickly putting her earphones in her ears, not wanting to hear this discussion, turning on 'Ooh to Be Ah' by Kajagoogoo on her phone, feeling the tears run down her face.

She stared dully ahead, wondering if they were together, if she had miscalculated in thinking that he was inexperienced and lost just like her.

She imagined him the way she wanted to see him.

She boarded the bus first, not caring if he was still talking to her or not. She sat down in the first better available seat, and when she saw that he immediately sat next to her she pressed her lips together and stood up, wanting to change.

She felt him grab her arm, felt him say something to her, but she pulled away from him.

"Now do you want to talk?" She growled, not even taking her earphones out of her ears, not even caring what he had to say, walking to the other end of the bus, tired and frustrated by his behaviour, by the fact that he didn't know what he wanted, by deciding for himself when they were supposed to talk and when they weren't.

She wasn't a toy but a human being who felt.

She figured real friends didn't behave like that.

She waited until everyone had left before heading for the exit and saw through the window that he hadn't gone home but was waiting, his earphones hanging by his neck from under his sweatshirt. She squeezed her eyes shut, sighing heavily.

Fuck.

She stepped off the bus, pretending not to see him, but he immediately followed her, grabbing her by her arm, turning her violently in his direction, ripping her earphones from her ears.

"− what −"

"− can you fucking wait? − I'm talking to you −" He growled, and she pulled away from him, frowning her eyebrows, furious.

"Just an hour ago you were pretending you didn't know me, my friend." She said with a sneer, turning away from him again, his hand again on her arm, this time clenched much tighter.

"That hurts." She muttered as he turned her again violently, holding her wrist, his jaw clenched, fury in his eyes.

"− just − just stop for fucking second and listen − okay? −" He asked, and she sighed heavily, looking away, standing still, feeling like her heart was in her throat.

She didn't know if she wanted to hear what he had to say.

"My ex-girlfriend texted me last night saying she wanted to meet me. That she misses me. I couldn't recover from her for a long time. I didn't know anymore what or if I felt for her after everything that happened between us… you know. Fuck. I just wanted to think it all through. Alone. And instead of giving me time, like you did, she came to our school nagging me. Okay?" He asked lowly, leaning over her, and she looked at him with a pained expression.

"Whenever you have to think about something are you going to pretend you don't know me? Don't worry, from me you will never experience nagging. I don't want a friend who cares only about his comfort. I will not be your secondary solace. I regret everything that has happened between us." She said with pain and disappointment, pulling away from him and moving towards her house without looking at him.

It took me a long time to recover from her.

I didn't know how I felt.

He still loved her.

He still loved her, and yet he himself proposed that she stay with him, that she kiss him.

He wanted to see if it would feel good with another girl?

To feel better?

She threw herself down on her bed as soon as she got back into her room and burst into loud sobs.

She felt used.

She believed him.

She believed him to have pure, sincere intentions.

She pressed her lips together as she saw her display light up in the evening, the screen showing that she had received a new message from him.

She shook her head and went back to reading her textbook, not wanting to talk to him, not wanting to listen to his explanations, not wanting to be his friend or anyone else.

After half an hour, however, she got another message and then another and sighed heavily, heartbroken, wondering why he suddenly cared. She figured he wanted her now because she didn't need him, but if she just got his interest back then he would pretend not to know her again.

She reached for her phone and unlocked it, going into her messages with a pounding heart.

She pressed her lips together reading his last two messages and swallowed loudly, feeling hot in her stomach.

I told Alys I'm sorry, but for now I want to focus on a relationship with someone else and by that someone I mean you.

Oh shit.

What was she going to say to that?

She sat and looked at the display, panicked.

She herself no longer knew what she felt, what she wanted.

She shuddered when suddenly a new message appeared below previous ones.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head back.

She decided she would do just that.

That she wouldn't answer him, she would just think about it.

Let him know what it was like.

The next day it was he who was already waiting at the bus stop when she left the house, as soon as he saw her he immediately pulled his earphones out of his ears, looking at her with wide eyes. She walked up to him and they stood like that for a while in silence.

"…did you get my messages?" He asked lowly, uncertainly, and she nodded. He swallowed loudly and hummed, as if he was thinking about something.

"Shall we go truant?"

____

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess @sweethoneyblossom1 @watercolorskyy @randomdragonfires @apollonshootafar @padfooteyes

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#13: I Love You (S8E14)

Ahhhh probably one of the most anticipated exchanges between Rick and Michonne, and of course, it was sensational. This scene powerfully reiterated that these soulmates truly mean the world to each other. And after seasons of communicating those special three words through every look, touch, kiss, and conversation, we finally got to hear Rick and Michonne directly say what's always been true - they love each other 🥰 Wholly, Deeply, and Forever...

This ily moment, adorably spoiled by our lovely captains 😋, is so tender and heartfelt while also being so natural and clear that these two have been verbally expressing I Love You’s for a while. 

(Side note: I know there’s often debate on Rick’s hottest season lookswise, and really you could make a great case for any season, but lemme just place my vote here for season 8 right quick. 😊 Something about Season 8 Rick was extra fine. I feel bad cuz he was in pain all season, which I truly hate to see...but Rick was looking real right even while everything was going wrong ijs. even tho I think Rick Grimes' TOWL era is about to take the cake 🤭)

Something I so love about Rick and Michonne's relationship is that whenever they go through hardship they ultimately step closer rather than apart. They always eventually close the distance, which was evident in this lovely 'I love you' scene.

And I feel grateful that after experiencing such a devastating loss of their son, Carl, (why, TWD, why? 😭) and having to go on their journeys of grief, Rick and Michonne find their way back to each other truly in this moment. It doesn’t always go that way when a couple loses a kid as we’ve seen from other characters in this very series. But for Rick and Michonne, what they have is so unbreakable that, even in the hardest storm, their love still shines through, rises above, guides, and centers them.

So reflecting on Richonne's I Love You scene will forever have me like...

There’s also a beautiful and heart-rending honorable mention scene in this ep where Rick wipes Michonne's tears and Michonne opens up with Rick (and even makes reference to her son Andre 😭) while trying to help him heal at Hilltop instead of running out and about to get away from his grief.

But Rick still has a bit of savage Rick to get out of his system, so he and Morgan go hunt down some saviors first.

(Side note: while we're talking season 8, this 100th ep kiss in the season 8 premiere also deserves a big honorable mention because...🥵🔥🔥)

When Rick returns to Hilltop after wildin out with Morgan, he’s finally gained clarity on what he needs to start focusing on and who he needs to be healing with. Which leads to him saying those three very special words to the very special woman in his life. 🤗

So the scene starts with Rick returning to his room in a clean fresh tee, showing a clean fresh start to me. (Also Rick + a white tee has been a great combo since season 1, y'all) And he finally knows it’s time to let his wife and son guide him and read Carl's letter.

Michonne enters sorta hesitant I think because when Rick and Morgan returned they def looked like they had dabbled in the dark side out in those woods, and so she might be wondering what headspace Rick's in after whatever he just did.

But the thing about magnets is they always find their way back to each other and so Rick's not grown more distant but rather more aware of how he needs to navigate this season with her.

She finds him holding the letter, and Rick first says, "Thank you." Again, I love that Rick always thanks Michonne. Like as early as when they were strangers in s3, Rick has always vocally expressed gratitude for Michonne. And, in this moment, he knows how much Michonne has been his rock during this unbearable time as well as still fighting for their son Carl and his wishes, and so Rick thanks her for it. Her presence in his life is invaluable and he knows it.

Also, I adore the shared breath they both take when he says this. #TheyAreOne. And Michonne's so relieved that Rick has arrived at this point in his grieving journey.

Then Rick says he’s sorry which is also great cuz he knows going out and handling all this alone is not how magnets do. And Michonne is so understanding when she says, "You don't have to be."

It's just more proof that she is the exact kind of loving presence Rick needs in his life because she’s so good at both accountability and empathy. (Also in 4.09, Rick tells Carl sorry, and Carl also responds with, "You don't have to be." 😭)

And then Rick, knowing how blessed he is to have Michonne love him and stand with him through it all, turns to her and so tenderly says, "I love you." Beautiful x10. 🥹✨

I love how melodic it's said. 🥰 It’s this lovely quiet moment and Rick says it truly like it is a reassuring reminder of something he has expressed to her often and feels deeply.

I love that he turns to really look her in the eyes and has this little nod and subtlest smile when he says 'I love you.' And you just know he genuinely means this. It’s so great, and I could replay it 1000 times idc. 

And Michonne really does complete the perfection when she so movingly says, "I love you too." 🥹✨

Again, you can feel how much she means this. The emotion on Rick's face, when he hears his wife say she loves him too shows that he also can feel how much they both mean this, especially as a small tear can be seen. They are everything to each other. 🥲

(Side note: One of the many reasons why I was so elated to hear Rick call Michonne his wife in that TOWL trailer (which I'm still there btw - haven't left since I first heard it 😋) is because we who love their love story of course already knew he views her as his wife (since 2016) and that he'd refer to her as that in the spinoff series, but by saying it in the trailer it showed that this isn't some big reveal they have to wait to say in the new show. Michonne has been his wife for the longest. Rick has viewed her as his wife for seasons. Their marriage is not a new TOWL development, it is an element of TWD. And scenes like this ily scene in season 8 make that crystal clear. (also I cannot wait to hear Rick call Michonne his "wife" even more and to hopefully hear Michonne call Rick her husband 😊)

I adore that we had so many moments of Rick and Michonne communicating 'I love you' to each other in different ways leading up to this point, and then this scene gifted us with the actual direct ILY exchange between them, and of course it was perfect and proof that...

I really feel confident this wasn't intended to be R&M's first time ever saying "I love you" directly either. In this scene, both of them seemed to communicate it in a way that said this is something they've said before and often. (like it feels like they don't show Michonne's facial expression upon hearing Rick say 'I love you' because this isn't a first. She's heard that man tell her this several times before 😋)

I like to think that why these season 8 'I love you's carry so much weight right here and now is because it might be the first time they've said it to each other post-losing Carl. 😭

How heartwarming is it to know that even in a sea of pain, Rick and Michonne still want each other to know that while their whole world has been changed, the one thing that hasn't changed is their love for each other. 🥹

Their love story is just heavenly. To go from staring at each other through a prison fence and thinking they’d patch her up and then she’d be gone to now declaring their love. Perfection. 🙌🏾

And ILY’s do not seem like a phrase either Rick or Michonne take lightly or would just say to anybody. For them to express this and fall in love with someone, the connection was going to have to be deep and special. And what they found with each other is the deepest love so of course they can tell each other these 3 words with ease.

And because Richonne is the gift that keeps on giving the scene doesn’t stop there. Michonne then approaches Rick and lovingly takes his face in her hands as they share a sweet kiss. 🥹

And only Richonne can make their movement after the kiss feel as passionate and intimate as the kiss itself. Cuz after finally connecting like they’ve been longing to do, Rick and Michonne stay in the moment, looking deep into each other's eyes before leaning their heads against each other with that blessed mirror giving us all the angles. 😍

I love that mirror, y'all. 😋 I'm deeming that mirror and the set designer who placed it there some Richonners cuz, baby, they knew what we needed to see...

The way Rick and Michonne touch each other is always electric, and I love that they seriously feel like one as she rests her hand on his heart and he gently moves his hand up her side. These actors are so gifted at not wasting a single moment or action because they communicate Richonne's love in every second of a scene.

(and when richonne inevitably does that signature forehead touch in TOWL, after years apart...y'all I just might ascend to the heavens right then and there 😇)

It’s also sweet the way Michonne looks at Rick before leaving for him to have this time alone to connect with his son and read the letter.

Having the scene end with Rick reading his son's letter in a whole mirror as opposed to the shattered mirror he saw himself in earlier in the ep, is lovely. And it speaks to the power of Richonne that Rick could arrive at this point, ready to slowly but surely start healing. 

“I love you” really is communicated in every Richonne scene. And while season 8 was a weak one overall, one thing it did well was illustrate the stunning strength of Rick and Michonne’s exquisite and powerful love.

And I love knowing that, thanks to TOWL, we're sure to have some more Richonne "I Love You" moments in store. #GiftThatKeepsOnGivingAndGiving 😌

[bisexualfemalemess]

*HSMTMTS SEASON 4 SPOILERS*

Final episode. Oh, this is gonna kill me. Let’s go.

Poor ricky worrying about gina. HE WAS NOT HAVING DANI TRYNA JUMP IN LMAO. Ooh, there’s my babygirl G. Ricky being a supportive boyfriend, awww. EJ AS BOLTON, yasss. Gina wanted ricky to ask her to stay and he didn’t want to make the same mistake he did with nini, miscommunication trope, i hate it here. RICKY BOWEN IS A FUCKING MENACE. “hey, by the way, who the fuck are you guys?” Been asking myself this question for four years, we still don’t know. Awww, Ricky, baby. Ah, Monique coleman giving kourtney advice, aww cute. WISH WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AN ACTUAL THE BOYS ARE BACK SCENE. TIM, I’M UNDER YOUR BED. Ooh, rina paralleling troyella, babies. Why is everyone going to ej for advice lmao, even miss jenn. That boy is a freshman in college. Maddox is so pissed that ash and red could be back together. Madison knew hahha. MADLYN CONFESSION AND KISS, LET’S GO LESBIANS/ SAPPHICS! Also, the fact that ej carved their names into a tree, he knew since the beginning and was a supporter, 😂 Terri back off, gina’s already hesitant. Jealous ricky, awww. GINA JUST WALK AWAY, SHE’S SO GOOD, My gabriella fr. “Be good to her. Just please take care of her in New Zealand.” My boy loves her so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭. JENNZZARA ARE SO CUTE. NOT THE RINA LOOK EXCHANGE BEFORE MY BOY RICKY SINGS SCREAM. THEY’RE SO TROYELLA RN. Antoine is me. Aww not Benjamin touching his heart while watching miss jenn perform. JETNEY SCENE. MADDOX IS GOING TO NEW ZEALAND TOO WTF??? Aww, big red worrying about Ricky, such a good friendship. Ricky worrying about his future now that gina’s leaving. Rina right here, right now reprise version?! It work so well for them at this point in their story. My poor children, tim istg if they don’t get their happy end i’m suing. THE LOOK EXCHANGE AND GINAS SMILE AFTER THE SONG, DON’T MIND ME DYING ON THE FLOOR. HAHA MRS POTTER DID NOT LIKE THAT. WAIT ANTOINE IS ANDY??? WAIT ANDY AND RED???? ANOTHER RINA LOOK EXCHANGE DURING CURTAIN CALL, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! andy screaming is me. DEWEY IS A SOFTIE OMG. AND A RINA CHEEK KISS! Seb 😭😭😭. Gina, my movie star baby. Ooof ricky’s speech hit me where it hurts. I hate it here. ITS OVER KOURTNEY SHUT UP 😭😭😭😭. G OH SHE LOOKS GORGEOUS AND THE WAY RICKY LOOKED AT HER AND MOUTHED ‘wow’. He’s in such awe of her, my otp. Oof, gina’s speech also hit me where it hurts. Not her calling jet out when it comes to kourtney haha. THE WAY SHE WENT THROUGH THE PEOPLE ONE BY ONE OH AND WHAT SHE SAID TO RICKY OMG 😭😭😭 “But with you I feel so seen, and so understood and so known.” THATS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANY I LOVE YOU, OH THEY DESTROY ME. I MEAN SHE LITERALLY SAID “this one is gonna kill me.” The way the camera couldn’t find ej 😂😂😂. MISS JENN IS THEIR MOTHER, GINA CONFIRMED. THE RINA HUG AFTER HER SPEECH TO HIM PLS I’M ON THE FLOOR. NOT ASHLYN FINDING OUT MADDOX HAS TO LEAVE TOO. I HATE IT HERE. RINA AND MADLYN ENDGAME PLS. OH THE WAY RICKY’S VOICR BROKE WHEN HE SAID “I DIDN’T SAY I LOVR YOU.” OOH GO FIND THAT GUITAR RICKY. Ooh mack’s not doing Romeo and Juliette, ha. GO TELL YOUR GIRL YOU LOVR HER RICKY, GET THE GIRL. OMG RICKY! “Am i too late?” Some things never change. RICKY. CONFESSING. HIS. LOVE. TO. GINA. WITH. A. SONG. IN. FRONT. OF. REPORTERS. HER MOM. ALL THEIR FRIENDS. THEIR TEACHERS. HER BOSS. DON’T MIND ME ON THE FLOOR SOBBING HYSTERICALLY. THE LYRICS??? ‘Cause i love you fells a lot like high school and forever after that.”STFU. EVERYONE JOINING IN 😭😭😭 RINA ENDGAME OMG. RINI LOVE CONFESSION COULD NEVER. ITS HIS FAVORITE HAT SHUT UP. STFU STFU STFU THE EMBROIDERY ON THE TAG STFU. “Just like me.” RINA ENDGAME. OMG GINA MOVED THE MOVIE TO SALT LAKE BEFORE RICKY EVER EVEN SHOWED UP, RINA ENDGAME FR. AWW MISS JENNS STAYING TOO. RINA FOREHEAD KISS SHUT UP! Ricky is such a good boyfriend, helping her down. Terri finally approves! Ha. MISS JENN AND MR MAZZARA FINALLY. GINA WEARING RICKYS JACKET AHHH, cuties. BORN TO BE BRAVE NAWW. LAST RINA CHEEK KISS, IM FINE 😭😭😭😭 AWW THEY WENT TO DENNY’S. What a nice nod to nini. Omg the post credit scene STOP IT RN.

Seblos endgame ✅

Jetney endgame ✅ (kinda)

Madlyn endgame ✅

Jennzzara endgame ✅

MOST IMPORTANTLY RINA ENDGAME ✅✅✅ THEY CALLED US DELUSIONAL BUT WE MADE IT RINAS. THIS SEASON WAS FOR US. THIS IS THE BEST DISNEY SHIP THEY WERE SO INSANE FOR A DISNEY SHIP, OMG. OTP FOREVER, Golden retriever boyfriend and black cat girlfriend fr.

Question; Are we all in agreement that ricky definitely took over as Romeo after mack left the movie???

[lazzarella]

Wandee Goodday continues to be the frothy sweet rom-com I hoped it would be! Only two eps in, but I'm loving every minute. Anyway, I have more notes that are probably interesting to only me but I'm posting them anyway!

- The pixelated/censored parts crack me up

- Why is Dee asking if he's tasty so cute to me?

- Aww. Yak wanted to see Dee again!

- Did I mention I love the theme song???

- "Our son" LMAO I love Cher <3

- "If anything bad happened to you, I could arrange your funeral" Kao and Dee are such realistic BFFs haha

- Yak excited about the possibility of seeing Dee again when his brother mentioned the appointment was so cute :3

- Ter is so manipulative >:(

- Yak is such a softie OMG! Watching the conversation with Dee and Ter?? Going to touch Dee's hand and then stopping himself? Oh, he's going to catch feelings so hard (lbr, he's already caught feelings)

- Aaaaand he's dressed as a cow!

- Dee having the Ice Bear (I think?) plush is so cute to me! Also, that bear's expression is perfect for the things he's seen lol :\

- Oh no! Dee is too precious and naive up in da club (I... I don't know why I wrote that like that. I'm truly sorry!)

- Yak to the rescue! Biff! Bam! Pow!

- Also WTF at those two guys??? That got real dark real quick

- wasted!Dee really likes nestling against Yak's chest and who can blame him?

- Seriously, though, Dee must feel so safe with Yak because the minute he clocked it was him through his hazy drunk vision he just collapsed against him

- Ahhhhhh! 'Don't go!' MY HEART!!!!!

- Yak, a boxer who knows how to keep his balance, easily pulled flat onto his back by Dee! Dee really didn't want him to go! That whole scene has my whole everything and the way Yak held Dee was so tender and precious ;__;

- And he made him breakfast??? Marry this man already!

- grandma booped Dee's nose! That nose needs to be booped

- (I love grandma already)

- Awww! Dee watching Yak's fight! Definitely just a one night stand, right?

- Yak just wandering around after Taem cancelled on him was so cute somehow. Now it's Dr Dee's turn to come to the rescue! (Something about their exchanged looks when Yak said he doesn't know where he wants to go really got me???)

- Ice Bear got smooshed between them again lol

- Wahhhhh! Yak being all 'oh, I forgot, I'm just a one night stand' D:

- that whole scene of them watching the movie and then hooking up again and then discussing the FWBs sitch was just delicious

- Mr Yoryak! Champion boxer and master of disguise!

- 'I've come to clean ze pool... I mean the fridge!' (not sure if anyone but Australians of a certain vintage will get that one lol)

- Oh, he REALLY wants to kiss Dee!

- Oh, Dee REALLY wants to kiss Yak too O_O

- THE NECKLACE! He already gave him his necklace!!! AND HE KISSED IT!!!!! My heart is not made of strong enough stuff for this

- Love the way they're sitting on the bed—something about their posture and pose is just...I don't know! Just love it! 10/10 again

- *hits play on part one again as soon as part four ends*

[nozomijoestar]

Here, unedited bc I don't care rn and I still don't know if I'm gonna use this scene after 8 happened so it may or may not matter

The limo came to a stop outside their gate; Sebastian looked out the driver's window and adjusted his glasses. He'd wait. And wait and wait. Lili could decide she'd never move off the front step again and only then would he nudge her otherwise. But even if he did, Asuka gripped tight the urge to never let him. Lili looked over her luggage, slowly, muttering about everything being in place; checking and rechecking the zippers or pockets or where she put her passport. She wouldn't let their eyes meet and when Asuka touched her wrist she stared at the floor, frozen.

Asuka checked. They were alone, Lili's back facing the limo.

"C'mere." Asuka spoke softly.

She held Lili's cheek kissing her. Their lips met over and over, like they hadn't mapped each other's skin dozens of times. As if it were always something new. She felt hands tilt up her head as Lili gripped fistfuls of her hair. Asuka didn't mean to moan, and that proved too much. Slowly they separated.

"You must write and call me. I won't forgive you if you don't. And I shall count down every day I cannot see you."

"Heh. Yeah yeah I know. Don't go twisting yourself up again."

Lili scrunched her face, caught between pouting and annoyance. She turned into a sad puppy over any goodbye. Asuka felt herself waver. Holding her hands brought back some sense of reality. Lili was real, they were here, and it was time to leave. Gently she stroked her thumbs. Something soothed inside her mind. She breathed in, got a mouthful of perfume, and sighed.

Out with it.

"I'm... gonna miss you. So don't feel alone, alright?"

All she saw was Lili's quivering lips before she found herself shoved against her. The air pressed from Asuka's lungs tightly then tighter still. Lili's grip was more muscle than that lanky girl who barged into her house months ago. Asuka couldn't help a little smile. Her arms wrapped around the small of Lili's back, pulling them closer.

"Say nothing more or my makeup will start running, you handsome devil."

Asuka chuckled softly. She ran her fingers through Lili's hair; in the distance she read the anxiety on Sebastian loud and clear. She pat her on the side. Finally Lili let go. Asuka leaned against the door, a hand on her hip. She grinned to fight the drop in her stomach.

"Your heart's right here whenever you come back for it."

Dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief Lili could only nod. She watched her straighten, wearing determination. Asuka just got used to sweet, sweet air again when Lili slipped her the tongue. She felt her all over her mouth, forgetting the strength to tongue back, letting herself go slack and melt away.

"So you won't go looking at other girls." Lili whispered, smiling.

"Not a chance."

Carefully Lili brushed back Asuka's bangs, really, an excuse to touch her. She heard the quiver in her voice.

"Je t'aime."

"I know."

"Je 'attendrai."

" I know."

They exchanged one last look. Then Lili was grabbing her things and heading for the limo. She felt her chest squeeze. Asuka couldn't help it.

"Hey Lili!"

She saw her freeze and turn around. Her face burst with longing.

"I love you."

She saw her bite her quivering lip; Lili ran a hand over the front gate accepting the border between this present and a world uncertain. Every step away was a battle against itself. Suddenly she let Sebastian stuff her luggage in the trunk, then he opened the passenger side door. Lili stood before it balling her fists, sighing. Asuka's face tightened when the door shut.

Her eyes met Sebastian's, the old man grateful in ways there didn't seem to be words for. He bowed. Asuka smiled. As they started driving away her heart caught in her throat. Lili sat pressing her palm against the window, blowing her a kiss.

[rambling-addict]

Ranking my favourite Avatrice moments from season 1-2…

a.k.a I have nothing better to do again.. a.k.a I miss them already… a.k.a I did it for Raylla, so I’m doing it for Avatrice too ;)

Just a quick BEWARE: Long post.

And without further ado:

#1 THE KISS SCENE. I don’t really need to say more, but I will, because look at them. This scene definitely takes top spot. It’s such a powerful scene, where both of them had finally let down their guards. It was the softness in Ava’s face and the surprise in Bea’s face, the craving in that brief kiss, the need to chase the feeling after the high, and that reluctant acceptance that this may be their last chance of feeling it all. It’s a rollercoaster of a scene that makes you wanna smile in glee and cry in frustration of what’s to come.

Also, “In the next”.. No words have ever hit me as hard since “May we meet again”. Some things, we don’t want to end and we cling to it desperately. But alas, it does. And so instead, you hope for “maybe someday”. “In the next life, may we meet again.” *dead*

…

#2 THE “I LOVE YOU” SCENE. I debated putting this as 1 or 2, because it’s a milestone confessing your feelings, but this scene was also bittersweet. At first, I was screaming for Beatrice to say it back immediately… but as I watched it again, I realised that she needed those few seconds after Ava said it, to finally accept what those words mean. Beatrice has been emotionally-repressed for probably most of her life. She was ashamed of who she is, and craved for validation. And so for someone to say that they love her, Beatrice took awhile to receive and give back those words.

What I love so much with this scene is how they cling to the last vestiges of what it feels like to touch each other. And Bea smiling back at Ava, despite the pain she feels. *dead again*

…

#3 THE FALL SCENE. A more lighthearted, but slightly dramatic moment— where Ava is classically Ava and Beatrice being the overprotective and anxious gf. These two are shameful for this overly sweet PDA, but slightly respectful in the sense that they probably would’ve kissed if Mother Superion wasn’t there. If anyone had any doubts about Ava reciprocating Bea’s feelings, this scene is a slap to those doubts. It evens slaps Michael in the face, lol. Like, “oh, she’s taken”. Ava has fallen, definitely—both literally and figuratively.

Also, if Mary was here (which she should’ve been), she’d probably be strolling over casually when Ava fell and be like “Relax, Bea. I pushed her down a cliff higher than that. The little shit’s okay.” It would’ve been a great comedic relief. But I guess I’ll take this sweet and dramatic scene.

…

#4 THE OG STARE SCENE. Yup, this is like #3, but in the baby Avatrice phase. It’s awkward, but electric. It’s an eye-opener for these two and there’s definitely an obvious spark. I’m sure this was one of the moments that took away the doubts of fans still questioning if they should ship them or not. Like, look at them. You don’t stare at someone like that and caress their face while your face is centimetres away. *ahem*supercorp*ahem*

Besides, when Ava said she managed to phase through successfully is only because of Beatrice… like c’mon. I knew I was a goner at that point. This scene would be tied with what I’ll call THE CATACOMB SCENE, because of the similar stare and show of trust. And that damn quote they keep exchanging.

…

#5 THE HALO SCENES a.k.a. “Brace yourself, Michael, you’re gonna get blasted off again”. So we see Ava unconsciously using the halo to protect Beatrice in s1. And in s2, we have 2 scenes, but Ava being more in control. And I find it so hilarious that Ava can’t seem to protect anyone but Bea. She has a one-track mind when she’s on protective mode. Others be damned, lol.

And bonus scenes, we get the worried gf hug… then Ava carrying Bea away. Adios Miguel.

…

#6 THE BADASS BEATRICE SCENE. This is classic “if you want to get to her, you’re gonna have to go through me”. Bea to the rescue, and Ava being Ava, stating Bea is a badass. And yup, Beatrice is truly a badass. I’m thinking everyone whooped and yelled when they saw her on screen. I know I did. So yeah, such an iconic scene.

Fierce cinnamon roll. Reminds me so much of Lexa.

This spot is tied with THE CATHEDRAL BASEMENT SCENE, where Yasmine was in awe watching Ava fight… and Bea affirms Yasmine’s statement about how incredible Ava is. Safe to say, I think Bea meant not just in fighting.

…

#7 THE JEALOUS PUPPY SCENE. I loved this scene so much… even more than the scenes where Beatrice is pining for Ava. We all knew Bea had feelings for Ava, and she’s so sure that it’s probably unrequited. But then we get this scene, and it’s like rainbows and unicorns appeared. The hot girl talking to Bea has stoked the fire, and when Ava interrupted them, the girl put even more fuel by leaning in to whisper in Bea’s ear. And my my, it was so satisfying seeing Ava so visibly jealous at the beginning of the season.

Another thing… Ava messing up the drinks and snapping at the customer is gold. Then, she asked Bea what hot girl said. Ava basically ticked all the jealousy checklist, and I live for it. Lol.

…

#8 THE CHEEK KISS SCENE. Ah, domestic Avatrice is such a nice change from all the chaos of s1. It’s been two months and you can really see how Avatrice evolved. It’s in the little things like this—where Ava is completely at ease with showing her affections and Beatrice gladly receives them. Bea didn’t even flinch when Ava did that, which means this isn’t a new thing that Ava’s done. I bet the little shit always does this, and that’s why Bea has to take a deep breath afterwards… because it’s too much at times.

And that look Hans gave, that Beatrice noticed. I don’t think it’s because he’s jealous Bea got promoted before him. I’d like to think it’s because he knows something’s up with Avatrice. He’s curious, and he definitely knows Bea is biased towards Ava.

…

#9 THE BAR SCENE a.k.a. Ava’s awakening. I think we can all agree that this was probably the moment Ava realised she’s got more than friendly feelings for her best friend. Beatrice wasn’t even dancing seductively, but Ava had that look in her eyes. That intake of breath when she was staring at Bea—it’s like she lost her breath because her heart was on her throat threatening to dislodge and offer itself to Bea. Ava was truly captivated.

And Beatrice… oh Bea, you’re so whipped. You’d think she would have more resolve to stay true to her vows, but nope—Ava asks, Ava gets.

…

#10 THE FIRST HUG SCENE a.k.a. Bea’s gay reawakening. Like we’ve said, Beatrice is emotionally-repressed. She will not show affection if it’s not initiated first. This may be the first time someone has actually hugged her… and it’s a new girl, not one of her sisters. You can definitely see the panic in her actions.

Poor baby doesn’t know how to react, lol. Gay panic Bea, and oblivious Ava… classic trope.

…

So that’s that. Would’ve gone on and on if tumblr didn’t have an image limit. I would’ve included every single Avatrice scene. I just have a lot to say, okay! Avatrice gives me so much feels.

Can’t wait for season 3!

[triviareads]

ARC Review of Match Me If You Can by Swati Hegde

Rating: 3.75/5 Heat Level: 2/5 Publication Date: June 4th

Premise:

A modernized Emma set in India; Jia Deshpande is a rich Mumbaikar who writes for a women's magazine. She wants to start her own matchmaking column, something she can achieve if she successfully sets two coworkers up. Jia goes ahead with the plan despite warnings from her best friend Jaiman Patil, who has long harbored feelings for her. 

My review:

This is a charming, effervescent take on Emma set among the upper classes of Mumbai. Jia aspires to be a matchmaker and secretly gives romantic advice on her blog in direct contrast to the content she puts out through the Cosmo-esque magazine she writes for. She's pragmatic about love while still being fairly naive, thus her mostly-unfounded confidence in her matchmaking abilities. Reading her deluded attempts at match-making office lothario Eeshan and village-transplant Charu was painfully entertaining in the best way. But like any well-written character inspired by Emma, Jia is so upbeat and (mostly) well-meaning, you can't help but root for her. 

The interesting thing about this book's Mr. Knightley, Jaiman, is that he has plenty of problems of his own. He's not just Emma's paternal, perpetually-chastising friend (though to be clear, I'm not saying this is a bad thing at all); he's the owner of a struggling bar who has never quite lived up to family expectations. There's also this culinary/career rivalry he has going on with the Frank Churchill of the story (a South Indian guy named Harish who comes up with a quite frankly FABULOUS restaurant concept: Vodka & Vada). Jaiman is also Jia’s childhood friend and hopelessly in love with her. The result is a (very) slow-burn friends-to-lovers romance. 

I actually really liked that Jaiman attempted an ill-fated kiss with Jia a year prior to the story beginning, and it ended with Jia crying about not wanting their relationship to change and she refuses to talk about it afterwards lolol. I thought it was a great place to start the story because Jia isn't entirely oblivious to Jaiman's feelings, and she privately admits she’s only ever felt attracted to him, so the tension is there. That being said, the author never really developed this tension or dragged it out as much as she could have. There are multiple instances where there's great set-up, like the time Jia puts on her dead mom's wedding lehenga and Jaiman walks in on her, and she asks him to unzip her. He does, but there's minimal touching or talking, and Jaiman just walks out within the next paragraph. I felt similarly about the time they dance together, as well as the entire mystery blog correspondent subplot. 

The sex:

There are a couple kisses, mostly near the end, and there is one closed-door sex scene.

Overall:

Overall, this book was humorous and light and I enjoyed it, though I wished the romance had developed more. I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a frothy, diverse romcom!

Thank you to Random House Publishing Group and NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[fatefulfaerie]

Answering The Asks I Didn’t Get Because These Are Awesome Questions!

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

Open Your Eyes

It’s so bad it hurts. It was the first Zelda fanfic I ever wrote and hoo boy I could barely read the first “chapter” just now

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Love confessions! I swoon!

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

“Welcome to Baumer Inn,” the young woman said to the completely drenched pair of people that approached her desk. “How may I help you?”

“We’d like a room,” Link said.

“Alright,” the young woman said, scanning a large book with all sorts of markings. “Double or single?”

Link said “Single” at the exact same time Zelda said “Double”, the accident making them look at each other and making the young woman look up from the book, her gaze alternating between them.

“There’s no use in taking a double if I’ll be keeping watch the whole time,” Link argued.

“That’s where you are wrong,” Zelda said in reply. “Because you won’t be keeping watch, you will be sleeping and resting in a bed.” Zelda looked to the receptionist and said. “A double, please.”

“It’s my job to protect you,” Link insisted, before also looking to the receptionist who, after crossing out what she thought their final answer was, now sat in wait for them to come to an agreement. “Put us down for a single.”

Zelda’s head shot to Link, her hands on her hips.

“Who among us is royalty?” She asked with a brooding frustration.

“Is it not me?” Link asked rhetorically and quite sarcastically.

Zelda straightened her arms and balled her fists.

“You absolute…” Link raised a brow as she sputtered through her anger. “Disrespectful...ill-mannered...sea urchin!”

“Sea urchin, huh?” Link asked rhetorically.

“Are you sure you guys don’t want to agree on the single?” the receptionist said, interrupting Zelda’s inhale. “Seems like all you need is to pound things out.”

Zelda widened her eyes at what she just heard, and Link reacted similarly, his mouth popped open at just the insinuation. He cleared his throat and pulled rupees from his pouch that he tossed onto the desk.

“The double will do fine.”

“As you wish,” the young woman said, handing Link the key, “room twelve.”

Link nodded and began to walk up the wooden stairs. They kept silent until the door latched close behind them.

From Chapter 28 of In Calamity’s Grasp

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

I was way too excited about the ending twist in Ten Thousand Years Ago let’s just say that...

✍ Do you have a beta reader?

No, but I’d like one! No one has ever shown interest but then again I’ve never asked? I don’t want to be a bother 🥺

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

I try to incorporate imagery bit sometimes I get so lost in the dialogue I forget! I definitely incorporate a lot of romance and squabbling about misunderstandings. I also put my characters through a lot of trauma and difficult decisions to inspire empathy and deep thought, respectively, in my readers.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

A Moment Beyond

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

I do...good?

💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?

I think if you are reading this, you already know the answer.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I do! Music is one of my biggest inspirations. Lately I’ve been listening to this playlist!

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

Google docs, Scrivener, my fingies, and my sometimes working keyboard. Sometimes I use my phone if I NEED TO GET SOMETHING DOWN and I’ve been using pen and paper for my poetry lately.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

There was a time travel one I’m not gonna touch and then a couple I’m just gonna do as oneshots. Oh yeah and thing I scrapped when Age of Calamity was announced…

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Yes! Many of my Zelda Dungeon friends as well as my parents and close friends. Also some of my cousins. I used to be a lot more ashamed of it but now I feel like everyone knows.

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

A Tender Moment

🍷 Do you drink and write?

I don’t drink alcohol at all actually. It just doesn’t taste good and even if it did my medication reacts badly. As far as drinking in general I probably need to drink a lot more water have I drank any today?

🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?

Not really because I still have ✨0 frame of reference✨ so this is the spiciest thing I’ve written: Moonlit

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

Not really just whenever I’m feeling it

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

More. Please give me more.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

Sex scenessss

Cause I have no idea how that works

💲 Would you ever open commissions?

I want my content to be accessible to everyone with an internet connection. A lot of stupid things are behind a paywall and I want my content to serve as art, education, and entertainment. Additionally, writing fanfiction is enough of a legal grey area without getting money involved.

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

In Calamity’s Grasp has the most activity but I can’t take full credit or even any more than a third of the credit on that because my co-authors @pastelsandpining and @aurathian ABSOLUTELY KILLED IT.

The next one after that is Honesty

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

I do sometimes! My favorite is Disguise

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

I don’t think so? Unless they just didn’t tell me they did

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

More. Please give me more.

📈 How many fics do you have?

Mathematical measures do not operate in such terms

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

Both?

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Uhh...cows?

😈

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and get hurt, it’s part of it! And never let anyone else (even yourself) stifle the eternities that your imagination can stretch. Oh and don’t be too hard on yourself when you hit snags or get burnt out! Also drink water! Also I love you!

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Link was just sitting at the shore, near a pitched tent and a campfire, looking out at how the sun dawned. Grante stared a tad before he braved walking forward. 

“I didn’t know I was selling clothes to the Hero of Hyrule,” Grante said once he got close enough for Link to hear him, the half-Sheikah half-Hylian crossing his arms. Link looked behind him to see who it was, and was seemingly unimpressed, turning back to face the sea.

“I’d prefer not to be called that,” was all Link said.

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Open Your Eyes just because it’s so distant from how much I’ve grown as a writer

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

Unfortunately, traction. I’ve gotten better over the years at not letting numbers get in my head too much but still a bit yeah

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Zelink undertones

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

I’m currently pursuing an MFA in creative writing so god I hope so. Ideally I’d love to either be a novelist or be in the writing room at Disney or Nintendo!

Wait maybe I should learn Japanese

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

A Moment Beyond just because there are some scenes that hurt so GOOD

💥 How do you feel about criticism?

More. Please give me more.

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

#totk

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

More. Please give me more.

[halfelven]

ALL of the fic writer asks, if you’re willing ! If that’s too much, first 5 + 7

this took awhile to write out but here you go~

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

Hmm I’ve orphaned a couple of stories I wrote that were requests, but that was more because they didn’t fit with my other ideas. I don’t embarrass easily, and I use it for evil.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Elrond leaned back against the wall. The cloudy light illuminated him. ‘You’re staring again.’

‘I’m sorry!’ Gil-galad blurted. ‘You’re just so so beautiful!’

‘Mm,’ Elrond said. He shook his head.

‘Like you should have birds flying around your head and flowers blooming at your feet.’ Gil-galad waved his hands.

Elrond smiled. ‘And you look like you stole stars for your eyes.’

‘See?’ Gil-galad said. ‘I am in my truest of hearts, a thief.’

Elrond tilted his head back and watched the rain fall on the ceiling.

‘Then be a pirate, and I’ll be with you, and we’ll attack the ships of Númenor.’

Gil-galad shook his head.

‘You’re not going to let this go, are you?’

Elrond lifted the wine to his lips. ‘Stubbornness is my greatest flaw.’

'Noted.'

'But not my only one.'

'Duly noted,' Gil-galad said.

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

Just ‘playfully’ mean? I’ve put in a couple cliff hangers that I didn’t need to.

✍️ Do you have a beta reader?

No

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Announcing High King Whatever because I never know what will happen next

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

I make it sound ~pretty~ (poeticish)

💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?

Um. They’re okay? I wouldn’t write an entire story around a first kiss for myself

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

Yes, usually. Right now I’ve been looping That Unwanted Animal by The Amazing Devil and Guest Room by the National

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

Libre office when I’m on my laptop and usually I just write in the saved messages of telegram if I’m on my phone. Sometimes I’ll use google docs but I don’t like it

⛔️ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

A few but I don’t think anything posted. I have a bunch from 2020 that I still can’t touch though due to associations with that time, but they’re on hiatus not abandoned

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

I met one of my friends who I now see sometimes irl through Silmarillion fanfic (we’ve been to Italy, Greece, Estonia, Sweden, and Norway together and she’s visited me in Finland, and I’ve visited her in Egypt, which has been really fun!) We were discussing our stories on the train in Italy, and she decided then and there that she had to catch up with it so then we both read my story so that I could see where she was when she wanted to talk about it, and it’s one of my treasured memories

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

I don’t know who else considers it sweet but for me it’s ‘with the sun’ and I think about it a lot.

🍷 Do you drink and write?

Occasionally, but I don’t drink a lot so not often

🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?

through realm of shadow

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

Late at night~ I also like to write down my dreams after I wake up and I write on and off throughout the day (and ideas to write later) but I like writing on the tram anytime

💖 What made you start writing?

In general? I have been in love with stories forever and I have an immense imagination and taught myself to read and write to read more stories and share mine. Fic? Grand imagination and I used this very detailed self-insert universe in Middle-earth to distract me from my terrible life and told myself all sorts of other canon divergent stories. I started posting fic after stealing my neighbour’s internet because I was exploring the world (a little) and was writing about the Fellowship navigating the modern world (because I also felt like a time traveller)

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

I save my favourite comments and read them back for inspiration 💜

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

Yes. And I also just study everything constantly anyway so I put information I gleaned from that in them

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

Selfish (deserved and might be my favourite I’ve written)

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Not yet (that they’ve commented)

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

I love it! ‘with the sun’ has the most beautiful fan art and I think about it constantly too

📈 How many fics do you have?

108 right now that are published

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

Usually outline them and then change my mind because I can’t write if I already know exactly what will happen, because if I can’t find out as it goes along, I get bored of the writing, since it’s more vivid just to play it in my head. (also I don’t understand ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ and looking up the origin is not helping??? like if you are flying without instruments how is it by the ‘seat of your pants’???)

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

don’t have any at the moment that I’m invested in. currently obsessed with an original work. (not 100% true i want to write a phantom troupe road trip fic)

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

- Write little stories/scenes that are like 100 – 300 words long. Helps you find your voice + the characters’ voices. I had a fic where I was writing one of those little stories everyday for I think about 100 days.

- Ignore fanon if you hate it or even just mildly dislike it.

- I used to write scenarios on little scraps of paper and then characters on other scraps of papers and mix them up (separately) and then I’d have to write the scenario, like: Boromir and Legolas have to change a flat tire, are separated from the others in Moria, or w/e

- Stick characters in a broken elevator and see if they kill each other.

- Mix all the names up, pair them up, put them into aliens-forced-them-to-do-it marriages and see if they kill each other. I did this too see how characters work together when they’re forced to be around each other. I also do this and the elevator/other tight scenario with my ocs all the time. I also force them to go grocery shopping.

- Write a scene centred around an emotion but you’re not allowed to write down the names of any emotions in the scene.

- Write ‘I hate this’ when you’re stuck 49 times until you have 147 words and then write why you hate this until you have at least 300. (If you hate it because you think you’ll fail then write the scene badly and see what the worst could even be.)

- Write things so self-indulgent and specifically suited to your tastes that if someone else falls madly in love with it you might wind up finding a best friend.

💞 Who's your comfort character?

oh no (though Elrond is the original)

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

I’m picking the character now and it is Boromir and he is gay and aromantic

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

Probably Killua. I like writing deeply disturbed characters. This says nothing about me.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Killua came in with a half eaten apple in his hand.

'They're baking Kalluto into a pie in the kitchen,' he said to Illumi. 'Might wanna stop it.' He sat down on the arm rest of the chair and bit into the apple. 'He might get minced!'

As if on cue, Kalluto let out a high scream in the kitchen.

'There he goes,' Killua said. 'Gettin’ minced.’

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Probably ‘the face of god’ bc I don’t really have an explanation for it or ‘playing house’ but I’m not particularly concerned about that

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

I like it when I read it again two months later

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

Trying!

⌛️ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

I honestly don’t know for sure? I think around 800 – 1000 words per hour is pretty normal for a first draft

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Romance and I’m not particularly invested in it so I don’t really care to practice that often

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

‘selfish’ and ‘winter bird’ both have parts that are hard to read back sometimes. and ‘with the sun’

💥 How do you feel about criticism?

I don’t want it. This is for fun. It’s not professional writing. And I mean this in the nicest way possible but I have gotten quite a few comments for how to ‘better’ my writing that would make it worse and the ‘don’t use said/says’ all the time use ‘whined, hissed, roared, screamed, snarled’ instead is the ‘advice’ I’m talking about. Don’t do it. Also the other one is ‘don’t use their names so much.’ I am never writing ‘the black haired man’ unless the pov character doesn’t know the character’s name.

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

I don’t know I feel I use angst the most. But I like tagging torture and psychological torture because I like writing them

[lunariansun]

My Take on Mitski’s “Your Best American Girl” MV

So, yesterday I just watched Mitski’s “Your Best American Girl” MV. I mainly just listen to her music through Spotify, never really watched her MVs, then found out I clicked on this video before? Years ago maybe.

Mitski, the 32 years old singer, is an Asian-American, and I feel like this song holds a really personal meaning to her. In an interview, with Pitchfork, she mentioned, “You always want what you can’t have, and that all-American thing, from the day I was born, I could never enter that dream. ” In short, I understand this song as something that tells us her story when she was longing for an All-American boy, realizing how different she is, and her difference could be the barrier between them.

The MV starts with a slow beginning, acoustic guitar only as her intro. The camera pans on Mitski who are currently touching up and getting ready to see this white American boy, the next person the camera shot to. In these first shots, I can already see how contrast both of them are, Mitski in her best look and this white American guy who’s just sitting there in his tank top. No effort. Just him. I see it more like, Mitski here as an Asian-American needs to put effort to be in the same level as this white American guy, who is just being him. Being white.

In the next seconds, we can see Mitski waving to him, and smiling while they exchange greetings and few winks from him. The white guy seems attracted to Mitski for a few seconds, then his attention is totally gone while he switches his attention to the new white American girl on his side. The camera pans out, revealing the closeness of the new girl and the white American guy, the details of the panning out makes us who watch it notice how the new white girl and the white American guy looks like a match, the same skin color, same features, blond hair. They look perfect. The difference between Mitski’s clothing and the white American girl’s clothing is obvious. The white American girl in her ‘hippie’ look, a bohemian kind of shirt that barely covers her up and this flower crown on her head and Mitski in her magenta suit. I interpret this scene as an image where Mitski who is someone ‘different’ as an Asian-American can’t even be in the same level as the white people who dominates the country, America—even when she tried her best. Meanwhile the white American girl could almost look silly with her clothing, with no effort, can catch Mitski’s love interest attention.

The whole time Mitski is waving and then her smile is dropping when she knows the white girl will always win. “Don’t wait for me/ I can’t come” Mitski then looks at her own hand, realizing she is just by herself, with her hope and desire for the guy. Realizing she is the only one that keeps waving to be noticed. The white duo continues to make out together, while Mitski pretends her other hand is his hand and makes out with her own hand. I like how this scene portrays her longing (Mitski is a really talented actress too, I admit.)

The heavy guitar riffs hits the chorus as the longing is portrayed here. “You’re the one / You’re all I ever wanted / I think I’ll regret this” Here is my favorite part of the MV: While the white American guy picks the white girl’s leg up, Mitski is picking up her electric guitar. I can’t describe how in love I am with this scene, I almost cried when I first watched it. The way the white American guy and the white girl kissing, and wilding only to get satisfaction off each others, while Mitski is getting inspiration to make art off her heartbreak. It’s like she is saying, “You do you, the only thing you will get is satisfaction, while I made art out of it.” I love how she is alone, but the thing she creates is something that will last for a long time. She is with her guitar, and them with each other.

The MV continues with the white duo making out, having fun with each other. Mitski on the other hand, is rocking her own guitar. The camera then shoots to three of them, in the same room with the American flag on the floor. Not long after that, we can see the couple wrapping their bodies with the flag. Mitski keeps playing her song, sometimes we can see a glimpse of her smiling even though she is just with her guitar and I admire this scene so much. It’s like music is her only lover.

“Your mother wouldn’t approve of how my mother raised me / But i do, I think I do” The song is coming to an end and we can see Mitski finishing the song still looking empty. The heartbreak is still there, and after all that she is just a woman who just wants to be loved no matter how different she is or what race she is. The steps she takes out of the set is heavy and I can feel the longing is still in her.

Honestly, as an Asian woman I can relate to this song so much. I once was in Mitski’s place, and to be in her shoes is a painful thing to feel. Shout out to Mitski and the MV crew that created this really powerful MV and it’s messages. Ending this post with a quote Mitski said from an interview, “So, yes, it’s a sad song, but I wanted to make sure it reflected all of the contrasting feelings. You can be heartbroken about a relationship, but from it you realize you are you and you’re okay with who you are or where you came from.”

[writer-akihiko]

so mc running away i love it the angst 👌 so if its alright can you the same but with the dorm leaders?(pls do a good ending my poor heart cannot take it-༎ຶ‿༎ຶ)

Dorm Leaders + MC Running Away

So I apologise for the lack of happy endings, if you want to call it that. The scenarios turned out much more different than the First Years probably because of the power gap I had in mind. Also, for anyone wondering, the Vice Dorm Leaders will have a shot of saving you next! When I get to it... Cut for length. Also please help to share because I limited the tags!

Warnings: Character Death [Not you or the main boy], mentions of abuse and emotional manipulation [On the Reader] and violent actions [The Dorm Leaders]

"I'm not going back."

"Wh... What?" He was astonished. "YN... I've looked far and wide for you- please-"

No words left his mouth as you stepped away from him, tears in your eyes and you were going to make a run for it again.

Malleus Draconia

Your words struck a chord in him. He didn't mean it, but when you said that you weren't going back, he almost lost control. What did you mean you weren't going back? You promised him to be his Queen!

No... he's not accepting this. His Queen deserved better. His larger hands encircled your wrists, stopping you in your tracks. No matter how much you tugged and pushed, Malleus' strength was beyond you. In your sole despair, you fell in his embrace.

Every ache and injury struck your core, as you cried your heart out. "I can't go back Malleus," you whimpered. "I... I'm sorry."

Your hands gripped tighter onto his clothes. "I don't mean to fight against you, I-"

The Fae Prince sealed your bruised lips with his own, pulling your smaller form into his lap as he took in the moment of the bittersweet, longing kiss. "YN... listen to me," He said, his own ice cold tears falling onto your cheek, healing your wounds. "You never have to apologise for your suffering. Not even to me."

Malleus held you close as you drowsed off. The gentle smile hardened into a growl, as his back arched, black wings bursting out of his body. Malleus, in his dragon form, summoned the thorns to protect you, holding you as if you were his personal dragon hoard…

The principal, or more accurately the culprit, Dire Crowley was a fool to step out. It disgusted Malleus to his very core, his claws setting the very ground on fire as Crowley stepped closer. No words were exchanged between them. For all the suffering you faced, it was to be paid in tenfold as the dragon took a deep breath, releasing the fire in his chest.

"It was a fraction of her suffering…"

Riddle Rosehearts

He was ballistic. Riddle had been eager to bring you back immediately, but the sheer refusal and attempt to run away made him think that you hate him. He was blaming himself, sobbing to the ground.

Riddle's breakdown made you stop. No matter what you did, you still love him. Riddle's hiccups of sobbing paused at the feeling of your arms wrap around him. He wanted this, he wanted your warmth, he wanted- no… he needed you so badly he'd ceased to function without you.

"I don't hate you Riddle," You said, kissing his tears away. Your pretty Queen of Hearts had ruined the uniform he so proudly kept up with and Riddle himself was unkempt. Riddle cradled your sore body, letting you tell him your stresses and your breaking point abused over and over again by Crowley.

Riddle's heart softened ever so much for you, as he realised that he was to a fault as well. It was then he started to cry for you. "YN… I… I lost control. I know I can't be forgiven for the stress you went through so-"

"Rosehearts! You found her, how wonderful!" The jovial Principal cried out. In his hand was a magic tracking spell and that's when Riddle was struck with guilt once more. He doomed you, again. He… no, he refuses to end it this way.

Your loving self became meek, frightened by the aspect of being under Crowley's care once more. You trembled, reaching out to the hem of Riddle's coat. "Riddle… Please don't let them take me…"

He pulled you up, whispering to you. "When I cast my magic, run YN."

"Ridd-"

"Never thought you'd defy me, Rosehearts. Being a law abider and all~"

"Off With Your Head."

Kalim Al-Asim

"Y-YN?"

Kalim desperately hung onto your ankle, on his knees, begging and bargaining you to stay.

"YN… Please don't leave me again," He begged. "I'll… I'll stop dragging you to parties! I'll get you anything you want just please… please come back to me."

His tears wet your foot, as his grip left light marks on your ankle. Kalim never meant to harm you. He was so desperate to make you stay, but in his heart, he knew that he didn't have the strength to keep you with him if you desired to leave.

"How could you think that?!" You cried out. You stooped to Kalim's level, tackling him in hug so hard that he crashes to the ground. "I… I'd never leave you if I had the choice! I couldn't stand NRC anymore…"

You sobbed into Kalim's chest, wondering when it'd all end. You could never refuse Kalim, but what about everyone else? What about Crowley? Your spine shivered at the monster's name, wanting everything to disappear except for you and Kalim.

Kalim didn't know what to do. He didn't understand why Crowley would do such a thing to you. If Crowley was causing you such pain… He'd just have to get rid of the problem. You only deserve the best, after all. It's not his fault, nor is it yours.

You had cried yourself to utter exhaustion. Kalim gently wrapped you up in his jacket, cradling you to his chest. As if clockwork, Crowley appeared to the heartwarming scene, simply glad that you were going to be returned.

"Al-Asim, Dire should patch her up nicely-"

"No."

Crowley coughed. "What was that?"

"I said no," Kalim reiterated. "I have no reason to listen to you…"

"Since YN and I aren't your students anymore."

Azul Ashengrotto

How grateful he was to find you near the water. He almost turned red at the thought of you willing to search for him. Azul never thought you'd long for him this way, but you knew him, and you knew him well.

As if on cue, you looked beyond the trees to see your beloved, running from the sandy shores barefoot to be caught by your precious Azul. Azul doesn't have the best reflexes, trying to catch you without hurting you.

Azul took one good look at you, and the sight was enough to make him cry. Messy hair, cuts and bruises littering your skin possibly from running through the rocky forest, feet with sores from rocks… and tearful, sorrowful eyes.

Not an inch of sadness deserved to touch you. That was one of his core beliefs. He didn't say anything to prompt you to tell about what you'd been suffering. He knew. He knew every line of the story, and it made him ever so guilty that it led to this. If he just paid more attention to you, or at least try to.

Azul offered you everything. An ear to listen and his body for comfort, with his arms wrapping about you. If the simple action was enough for your forgiveness, he'd do it over and over again.

It was for a moment Azul held you, before running the water with you in tow. From the forest emerged the tweels, but what was behind you made you scream. Crowley, with his magic, retaliating against the twins' magic.

Azul wrapped you around his tentacles, drifting further into the ocean with you. He bent down to whisper in your ear. "YN, close your eyes. Don't look."

You shut your eyes tight as you did, hiding yourself in Azul's chest, away from the scene.

"May we never see you again, Crowley."

Azul and the twins in their merforms plummet into the ocean, deep down where Crowley would never come to touch you.

Idia Shroud

He wasn't surprised that the huge robot scared you. It was his secret project after all. He immediately let himself out of the robot, but he was hesitant to step into the forest. Idia was scared, but he still had to protect you!

"Y-YN..."

"Idia!..."

You stopped running, seeing your boyfriend pop out of the robot. Idia was quick to get over his reluctance as his panic shifts to your injuries instead. He wanted to cry out of joy from the mere chance of finding you.

Idia tried to treat your wounds as best as he could with the emergency kit conveniently equipped [he really did think of everything] although his wrapping technique was unkempt at best.

Idia's attempts to heal you made you forget of all the suffering. You couldn't help but laugh, realising how much you missed Idia. He knew that you needed this time. Oh, how he wanted to whisk you away...

But he might as well. You're his, right?

Crowley didn't get close to reaching you. Idia thought of it all. He tracked every move the principal made, fooling Crowley to think that Idia was with you the entire time, with the tracking device that Crowley so faithfully gave him.

"How desperate... it's honestly funny..." Idia scoffed at the idea of Crowley getting to you.

With the S.T.Y.X androids, Idia confronted Crowley, who was in sheer confusion.

"Crowley… burn in hell."

Leona Kingscholar

Leona didn't hold back. He couldn't believe you would say such a thign to him… The only conclusion he reached to was that you hated him. You hated his very core, just like everyone else… He was scared. It frightened him to the core that after everything he did, you still hated him.

"YN… stop fucking around with me," He said, grabbing onto your wrist. He wasn't about to throw a tantrum then and there. He had to get things straight. "Hey… tell me. Was I just a waste for you?"

"W-What are you talking about Leona?" You pushed against his chest, trying to get some distance but Leona was way stronger than you. The lion couldn't listen to reason. He simply went on about how you must've hated him, and how much you despised him.

"Did I mean nothing to you, YN?" Leona was shaking, his shoulders trembling from the mere thought of hearing those words.

You wrapped your arms around Leona, pulling him in close. "I never did… How dare you think that you stupid lion?!" You said, sobbing your heart out. You were equally hurt, but you never once thought Leona would think such a thing.

The emotional reunion was interrupted by the principal himself, pretending to be moved by such a scene. The false pretense of safety caught on to you, and you were sent into a panic, clinging onto Leona for fear of your life.

"I hate you!" You yelled, your body crumpling to the ground just as Leona caught you. "I hate you, I hate you. I don't want to go back, don't make me!"

If you were to scream anymore, you might collapse from exhaustion. Leona was quick to carry you in his arms, holding you close to his chest, where you were comforted by his heartbeat.

"Hoi, good for nothing principal," Leona called out, a single claw drawn out, igniting his Unique Magic.

"Move before I turn you to sand."

Vil Schoenheit

He was stunned to see you in such a state. He called out for you, and you stopped in your tracks. Was he that incompetent that he can't keep you with him? Did he not treat you right? Was his mere presence just torture for you?

Vil couldn't keep it in anymore. He needed to know. "YN… why won't you come back? Tell me, is it my fault? Am I not worthy of you?!"

The once prideful queen fell into shambles of insecurity as his mind won't stop painting images of you walking away from him, of you calling him your doom, of him being your captor… No, he didn't mean it…

"Was I the villain in your story?! WAS I?!"

Vil had never cried as much as he did. He needed to know that you didn't of him as a nuisance. He really was worthless if he made you feel unwanted… so please, he needed an answer.

"How could you think that, my love?"

You stooped to Vil's level, brushing away the tears that ruined his makeup with your very hands. Oh, your poor Vil… You were too selfish, thinking of your own suffering. With Vil in your arms, you felt whole once again. You gave Vil your actual answer, relenting every moment of your stress that stemmed from Crowley.

Oh… how his sweet potato must've suffered. Vil had a stuck of guilt, considering that he was under an Overblot as well. No matter, he had to make things right. For your sake, for his love's sake.

"YN, Crowley is trying to find you. But I… I have to set things right," He said, pulling you up.

The rustle of leaves had you on guard as from it came Dire Crowley, revelling in the scene.

"Schoenheit. You are supposed to bring LN YN to me immediately as I ordered."

Vil for once scared you. It scared you how enraged he was, and your heart wrenched at seeing the ink droplets by his hand.

"Vil, don't you dare-"

He turned back to you, whispering for you to run to Rook's safety. "Don't cry, my love."

You tried to hold the tears once again as you saw Vil shifting forms to an ink-like mess, this time his rage directed at Crowley. You could only run away, praying in your heart that Vil was safe.

[lizbotw]

alone | fushiguro

there’s no explicit rule against sharing dorms, so what’s the harm?

fushiguro megumi x reader

word count: 1.1k

ever since i saw that brief scene of him sleeping in that one episode, i could not stop thinking about it

“Megumi?” There was the sink of the mattress under your weight as you carefully peeled back the corner of the blanket, one knee on the edge of the bed—a steady arm allowed you to lean forward to get a better look at him, heat radiating from his body the closer you got.

Dark blue shirt partially ridden up to reveal his back, Megumi was a sight to see—a beautiful sight to see that was. He was on his stomach, hands resting in loosely curled fists next to where his hair was splayed out on his pillow.

He wasn’t even facing you, yet this view of him made it hard to resist instantly climbing in next to him and pressing your face to the crook of his neck—you had missed him for the whole half an hour you had spent in your own dorm room getting ready for bed before you had tip-toed into his room (plus the entire rest of the day where you were oh-so-close to him, yet refused to make a move in front of the others). He always left the door unlocked for you despite the very real threat of Yuuji bursting in unwelcomed instead.

Your other knee sunk onto the bed as you swung your legs under the thick covers, bedsheet ruffling as you moved.

You called out to him again, this time tentatively leaning forward to bump your forehead against his arm, breathing in his scent—he smelled like fresh laundry (fitting considering he’d just gotten his shirt out of there). Lost in the haze of comfort, you pressed your head closer, his familiar muscles taut against you, but then he stirred and you pulled back quickly, shifting to lean your elbow on the pillow, your hand cupping your face as you watched him (yes, very nonchalant—this was the perfect pose truly, never mind your racing heart hidden below the cool facade).

“Took you long enough,” he said, voice dripping in low octaves, gravely and rough just the right amount. Sleep did wonderful things to his vocal chords it seemed. Megumi’s hands uncurled and he stretched his fingers out to get rid of the stiffness before his palms came to lay flat against the pillow, him still facing away from you.

“Didn’t think you’d miss me that much.” You rested a hand on his exposed lower back as a test and when he didn’t flinch away, you figured your hand wasn’t as cold as you thought it was and continued running it over the skin, daring to ghost your touch in passing on the upper part near his shoulder blades still covered by his shirt—warm—before traveling back down to the already explored skin to trace circles over the dips. He sighed under your touch and you smiled, briefly considering leaning forward to press a kiss there, but never feeling quite daring enough around him all the same (he seemed to suffer from the same hesitation when it came to you—cute). “Were you sleeping without me?”

Your teasing tone had him turning his head to the other side to finally face you. His eyelids had lulled into a half-closed state, blinking up at you, yet he still managed to pinch his features into a look of indignation at your words. “Of course not. Not tired.” He yawned and immediately clamped his jaw shut. “...was just resting my eyes.”

Amused, you dragged your hand back up, this time passing over his shirt and then up his arm, poking at his bicep to rile him up more. “Sure.”

“It’s true. Ugh—stop that.” He lifted himself up to support his weight on his forearms now, frowning at you, and your hand fell away from his arm, finding purchase on the small of his back again. You were face-to-face now, studying each other, and the urge you felt to kiss him was as if you hadn’t just spent the entire day at his side already.

You bit back a smirk, albeit unsuccessfully. “Your hair,” you explained when he raised an eyebrow. It was true—his hair was as unpredictable as ever, falling around him in messy strands, sticking out every which way.

Megumi rolled his eyes but still reached up to run a hand through it, supporting his weight on one arm now. The simple action was concerningly attractive, although you decided not to comment on it. His attempt at smoothing the unruly strands didn’t do much anyway, but before you could comment on that, there was a sudden grip on your arm and he pulled you down onto the bed with him, flopping onto the mattress as you fell into his chest. His chin found its place to rest on top of your head.

“Hey-”

“You were taking too long again.” Too long to get into his arms he seemed to mean this time—the steady rise and fall of his chest against yours was enough to ward off any further complaints you harbored though.

No further exchange of words was needed between you two and it wasn’t long until you felt drowsiness begin to overtake you, acutely aware of the way he pressed against you, although the image was beginning to get more fuzzy the longer you allowed your conscious to slip away—that is, until you felt the top half of the heavy blanket being kicked off of you. You pried one eye open to peer at the scene.

“Why’d you do that?” The top of his black shorts could be seen peeking out from under the part of the blanket that still covered your legs now and you traced a finger along the waistband, the fabric smooth and silky.

“Too hot,” Megumi mumbled against the crown of your head and you breathed in sharply at the feeling of his lips moving—it tickled, but mostly you were trying to stop yourself from burying your face further into his chest because you were so in love with every little thing he did.

“You could just let go of me, you know.”

There was a pause. “I don’t think so.” And then he was pushing you closer to him, his face slipping down from the top of your head and close enough to your ear that you could feel his hot breath on the area before he placed a kiss right above it.

That’s right—none of the others were around now. It was just you two. Emboldened by the thought, you snaked your arms around him to wrap around his torso and under his shirt again, retracing over the same lines you already had countless times. There was nothing to hide now.

[sundaysundaes]

Revival

Jung Jaehyun X Reader feat. Haechan | Fluff, Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Soulmate AU | NC-17 | 15k

Summary: When fate brought Jung Jaehyun to you, it didn’t feel like your first time meeting him. And with him, smiling at you like his heart shattering to pieces, eyes painted with longing, you knew you were connected to him somehow. You just have to find the answers before it’s too late.

Warnings: sex scenes (both with Jaehyun and Haechan), mentions of death and suicide 

For my lovely cinnamon bun Esme @rainydayswithnct​ I couldn’t think of anything else to give you but this. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, I hope this will make you happy ❤️

His eyes… They remind you of the ocean after the storm. 

It’s not the color as his are dark brown, like the freshly turned earth after rain. It’s the feeling, the way they glimmer under the soft evening light, calm and steady, but in a way, emits sadness, yearning for something. As if he had been crushed, trapped inside a hurricane for so long, he was about to fade into the void. And as he peered into your eyes, full of depths and secrets you long to unveil, something tugs upon your heartstring. 

It’s not love at a first sight. You’ve experienced that before with Lee Donghyuck, the lover whom you share frantic kisses and desperate touches with. But it’s something more intense, something you can’t even begin to fathom, something you wish you understand.

The second your eyes are locked to each other, it’s like you’re electrocuted, starting from the tip of your hair down to your toes.

“Oh, sorry,” you say, your voice sounds like you haven’t spoken in years. A tiny red spot begins to form on his chin from where it made contact with your head earlier. “I was looking for a book so I wasn’t—I didn’t see you there.”

The man, young enough to be around your age with a gaze wiser than most, has an expression of a heartbroken man. There’s pain that fleets through his eyes, a feeling that he quickly hides with a smile too bright to be genuinely coming from the heart. When he speaks, his voice is both rich and soft, deep and tender. “No, it was my fault.” He shakes his head. “Please don’t apologize.”

You want to reach out to him, want to know why he looks like he’s seconds away from breaking apart, want to ask him whether you’ve said too much or too less. But he’s nothing but a stranger and you don’t want to step out of the line. “Were you looking for a book?”

“Yes, umm…” He points his finger towards a book hidden in the shelf behind you. “That one.”

You follow his direction, smiling when you read the title written on its spine. “No wonder we bumped heads. I was aiming for the same book.”

“Oh, then it’s fine,” he says, pushing the book back to you after you handed it to him. “You can take it.”

“No, please, go ahead. I’ve read this too many times already.”

“Me too. So—”

“I insist.” You press the book to his chest, looking up at him. He looms before you, standing 180 centimeters tall that you have to tilt your head up to match his line of vision. You catch a sniff of his scent, the smell of soap and aftershave, thinly layered by cologne. His eyelashes are long, face framed by strong jawlines, brunette locks falling over his forehead. When his lips curve up, pretty dimples start to form in his cheeks. He looks like a painting, a thought runs through your mind, one that you hastily dismiss. “Take it as a form of my apology for bruising your chin,” you add.

His eyes widen, just for a split second before a soft chuckle reverberates from his chest. When he speaks again, it’s almost like a whisper—like a secret never meant to be told, “I can never win against you.”

You barely catch his words. “Sorry, what?”

“Nothing.” He clears his throat, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. “I’m… I was about to borrow this and grab some coffee. Would you care to join me? I’d love to talk more.” His body language indicates that he’s nervous which you find rather endearing. “I mean, It’s hard to find someone who has a similar taste like mine.”

Your heart convulses. You know how grabbing some coffee together tends to lead to something more. Your boyfriend’s name pops in your head but your lips betray you before your brain can form a warning. “Well, I do have a peculiar taste when it comes to books,” you answer with a smile. “Sure, as long as you tell me your name.”

“Right, sorry.” You love the sound he makes when he chuckles, and you love it more when it echoes louder in your ears. He offers his hand, stretching out his lean fingers. “I’m Jaehyun.”

You expect it to be soft just like the way he’s gazing at you, but his palm feels calloused against your own. When you reply to him with your name, he seems stunned but doesn’t stay still for long. Your name flows out of his mouth so naturally, as if he has been calling you for years, like a soulmate to another. It feels like electricity is running through your veins once more, something that you’ve never experienced before.

It takes around ten minutes to walk from the library to the nearest coffee shop and by then, you’ve caught on the little gestures he makes: the way he forces himself to laugh a little when he notices he’s being too straightforward; the way he clears his throat when he feels like his words have more hidden meanings than they let on. You’ve become aware of his passion and the love he has for books, so strong that it can only be matched by your own. You’ve learned about his dream, a novelist in the making, taking his first baby steps to turn it into reality.

“Have you thought about what kind of story you’re planning to write?” You question as you slide your cup closer with hot, black coffee shimmering inside. Before you take a sip, Jaehyun drags a sugar bowl toward your direction. “What?”

“It’s too bitter for you.”

“You think I can’t handle my coffee?”

“It’s not that.” He clears his throat and you wonder what is it that he’s trying to hide. “The coffees here are always too bitter.”

“Yeah?” You taunt him, smirking. “Well, watch me.” You take a sip, about to wince when the bitter taste hits your tongue but you act unfazed. Smacking your lips, you say, “See? I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“No. Give me the damn sugar.” 

It doesn’t take long before Jaehyun’s little laughter becomes one of your most favorite sounds in the world. 

“I’m planning to write a romance novel,” he responds to your earlier question.

“Romance, huh? To be honest, I see you more as someone who writes detective stories. Never would’ve pegged you as a romantic.”

“Well, it’s supposed to be more than just a romance story. It has a supernatural element to it. Borderline fantasy.”

“Like what?”

He takes a few seconds before he responds quietly with a secretive smile. “I guess you’ll just have to read to find out.”

“Cheapskate.” You purse your lips. “Is it going to have a happy ending?”

“Well, they’ll be separated by death in the end.”

“No,” you drawl out. “What happens to them? You can’t just say something like that and then not tell me about it.”

“Of course, I can.” There’s a tiny smirk creeping up his lips. “I’m the author.”

“And a jerk too, apparently.” You’re worried you might go too far with your joke but Jaehyun still peers at you with that warm, longing eyes that make you curl your toes.

“Fine, then,” he succumbs. “Since you insist, I’ll give you a hint later. But you’ll have to imagine the rest.”

“Then tell you about it? What if you steal my idea?” You raise an eyebrow, teasing him. “I happen to have a very creative imagination.”

“I promise you I won’t. I’ve finished writing my version of it. I’ll let you see it after you tell me yours.”

“Huh, interesting.” You pretend like you’re rethinking your decision, just to get him a little bit hopeful and nervous by it. “Deal, why not.” Your coffee has grown slightly cold but the sugary taste of it serves as an addiction. “So, does that mean we’ll see each other again?”

“Well, I do have to go back to the library to return the book. So, hopefully, yes.” You both exchange stares, sharing sheepish smiles with you breaking away first, bringing your focus back to your coffee. “I’ve never seen you in the library before,” Jaehyun questions, “Is today your first time visiting?”

“No. I’ve been visiting it almost every day for the last… two weeks, I think? It’s near my workplace so I usually drop by after work to read for an hour or two. My apartment is pretty small so it feels a bit cramped. That’s why I enjoy spending more time outside.” You swirl your spoon, watching the little whirlpool you create inside your cup. “Besides, I can’t read at home.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s…” You awkwardly laugh, waving one hand in the air. “I have a boyfriend who is younger than me and he’s a pretty lively person. It’s hard to focus on your book when someone keeps pulling you into conversations.”

Jaehyun’s fingers stop tapping against the surface of the coffee table but it’s too fast for you to notice before he starts again. “Isn’t it better to have someone like that rather than to be alone, though?” He counters, the smile on his lips never falter but the one in his eyes does.

“I…” It’s not apparent but you can sense it, the painful look on his face. It feels like you just said something that hurt him so badly that you want to apologize about it. “Yeah… I guess so…”

Maybe he notices you noticing, which is why he tries to mask his feelings better with a wider smile that does reach his eyes this time. “Why do you choose this library?” He diverts the topic. “There are a lot of new ones in town, bigger ones too. This place is pretty old and dusty.”

“Can’t argue with that.” You nod, sighing. “Okay, don’t laugh, but honestly? It just feels somewhat nostalgic to me. The first time I stepped inside, it felt like I’d been spending all my life there—just sitting on that old couch, reading books, enjoying the silence. It just feels familiar, even more comforting than being in my room. It’s weird but I can only feel at ease when I read there.” Jaehyun stays quiet that you have to lift your head to understand what goes through his head. His face is pensive, undecipherable. “What about you? What’s your reason, Jaehyun?”

He stops breathing at the sound of his name escaping your mouth, his shoulders tense, and only after what feels like hours, he finally has the strength to drag his eyes away from yours, bringing them down to see his interlaced fingers lying on the table. 

“It’s just closer to my place.”

***

“Hey, babe.” Donghyuck chirps with a lollipop stuck in his mouth, his fingers running through the keyboards, eyes locked to his computer screen. He can tell that it’s you who just slipped through the front door by the sound of your footsteps. “You’re late. Did you get the puddings I asked you?”

“They’re in the fridge.” You take off your coat and unwrap your scarf from your neck before you stroll toward the living room. You can’t remember what or who initiated it but it has been almost six months since he started living in your apartment. You remember how he used to spend just one night at your place on the weekend, then two when he felt a bit needy for your touch. Before you knew it, his personal belongings were scattered all over the place—his hoodie on the couch, his towel on the bed, his toothbrush on your sink—and he could be spending the entire week at your place, only moving once to his apartment when he ran out of comic books to read. It just came so naturally that you didn’t notice at first but by the time you did, it was too late to even bring the topic to the table.

Being with Donghyuck was easy, casual, and he gave you more reasons to laugh over little things more than anyone else. During the first two months, you acted like newlyweds with him peppering kisses on your face whenever you arrived home from work. Unlike you, Donghyuck is a freelancer and he does most of his work at home. He used to be considerate enough to do some chores for you—cooking, cleaning the bathroom, sometimes even doing your laundry when he felt he’d been neglecting you. Whenever you arrived late, he would’ve always had something prepared for you, beaming at you with a contagious grin while chiming, “Finally, you’re here! I’ve been waiting for you and I’m starving. Today’s dish is your favorite so let’s eat!”

But things are bound to change and happiness doesn’t last forever. It started slow, almost unnoticeable, with him forgetting to kiss you good night before bed and you treating the fact that he no longer paid attention to what you were wearing as normal. Nowadays, he doesn’t have enough affection to greet you with his smile—one that used to shine brighter than the sun. Comforting hugs and welcome kisses are long forgotten.

It’s lonely, but it’s fine. He’s still here. Donghyuck is still yours as much as you are his.

It’s fine.

“I met someone today,” you say, reaching out to stroke his dark hair. It’s so soft and fluffy like a dog’s fur and you find it calming just to card your fingers through them. The feelings are the same, only his reaction isn’t. He used to lean into your touch as a kitten would. Now, he doesn’t even spare you a glance. 

“A man?”

“Yep.”

“Is he hot?”

“Well, he’s not ugly.”

“Then don’t get too close to him.”

Donghyuck is the jealous type, he’s always been—sometimes even a bit possessive but it makes you happy to know there’s someone out there who cares about you so much he doesn’t want to share you with anyone else. But not today. Today, his words feel empty. You can tell that he doesn’t mean any of them. He just says them as a joke, maybe out of habit, but certainly not a warning.

“What will we be having for dinner?” You ask him when he’s busy shouting foul words to his screen as his character just got shot dead.

“Jesus—left, you moron!” He groans loudly in to the air before he turns around, finally recognizing your presence. “What? Oh.” He pops the lollipop out of his mouth. “I just had some take-outs.”

“You didn’t wait for me?”

“I was dead hungry, but I ordered some for you too. It’s probably cold now but you can heat it up.”

“Can you do that for me, please? I love it when you add more seasonings to it.”

“I’d love to do that but,” he smiles apologetically, his fingers meeting the keyboards once more. “I’m busy, babe. There’s an event going on and Jeno literally won’t let me take a break. Look, I’ll cook for you tomorrow, I promise.”

You have stopped believing in his promises, or at least, don’t allow yourself to believe. You’ve learned that the best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything.

You smile back, push his hair away so you can land a kiss on his temple. And no matter how much your bottled-up feelings are about to burst, you don’t say a word.

Because you know silence is what keeps your relationship alive.

***

That night, Jaehyun appeared in your dream.

He had a different hairstyle, a little bit shorter, color’s a shade darker. He was dressed in an old-fashioned way—a white buttoned-up shirt under a brown blazer that was a couple of sizes bigger than it was supposed to. Nevertheless, he looked just as strikingly handsome as he was in real life.

He took off his fedora hat, bowing when his eyes met yours as he entered the library—the one that you always visit. “You look beautiful today,” he said, smiling like he always has from the first time you saw him but it felt different in the dream. His smile was timid and shy, eyes never stayed long enough to be locked with yours, but they were honest. The way they shimmered in adoration at the sight of you, painted with both desire and affection.

Your body went autopilot, words flowing from your mouth before you could even process the situation. It was like you were residing in someone else’s body, just a bystander. “Are you saying I didn’t look beautiful yesterday?”

“No, that’s not—” At the sight of you covering your smile behind your hand, he sighed, pressing his hat to his chest. “Don’t tease me like that.”

“I’m sorry. Which book would you like to read today?”

“Will you choose one for me?”

“Unfortunately, I have a peculiar taste when it comes to books—”

“I trust you.” He smiled a tad wider, perfect teeth peeking behind soft red lips, and you could feel your lips curving to mirror his. 

“Well then,” you said, reaching toward a bookshelf. “Why don’t we start with this?”

It ended without you knowing what book it was nor the line between your dream and reality. They stand out so vividly—the scenery, his expressions, the lines you’d exchanged with him—that it takes you a few good minutes to realize that it was just a dream and not a memory.

You couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

***

The library is indeed old, with walls standing in dire need to be repainted. But the faint smell of sandalwood combined with the orange tint of sunlight sneaking through the windows is comforting. Crowds don’t gather much around here—maybe four or five people at most—and you’re consoled by the tranquility. There’s only a soft thrum of acoustic guitar playing through the speakers that keep you company.

And Jaehyun.

You meet him every day when the sun is an hour away from setting. You don’t chat for long, spending most of your hour reading your chosen book for the day while stealing glances at him scribbling stuff down on his notebook.

“Why don’t you use a laptop?”

“Not fond of it. I feel more like a writer this way,” Jaehyun responds, re-reading the words he just wrote on paper. When he notices you’re giggling, he frowns. “What?”

“You’re like my dad.”

“Then I’m sure your dad is a very smart, tech-savvy man.”

“I’m saying you have an old soul, the way you prefer to do stuff more traditionally.” You sink further into your chair, opening a new page, eyes scanning the lines but not reading them. “Well, I guess that makes the two of us since I already have the e-book version of this on my iPad and I’m still here reading it in a library. How’s your story going?”

“Pretty well. I just came up with a really annoying character.” His smile is a bit different this time, somewhat mischievous. “Inspired by someone.”

“You’re not talking about me, are you?”

Jaehyun drags his pen over his note. “Character A begins to question her—”

“Shut up!”

The more time you spend with him, the more you feel like he’s becoming a mystery you can’t solve. You’re closer to him, closer than any of your friends, but you know there are secrets he tries to bury underneath those tender smiles. To you, Jaehyun, with his eyes that always seem like they’re telling a different story—one that nearly drives him to the brink of tears, still seems like an incomplete puzzle. And if time allows you, you’d gladly collect every piece of him to be able to perceive him better.

***

Jaehyun visited you in another dream.

This time, you were walking next to him beside a beautiful pond in a backyard that seemed familiar enough to be your own. Both of you were dressed in traditional clothing and you wondered whether a ceremony just occurred.

“Are you nervous?” He asked, holding your hand.

“I don’t know, maybe,” you heard yourself mumble, body moving beyond your control. “I just feel like we’re moving too fast. We just turned twenty.”

“Are you having doubts?” He intertwined your fingers better and you noticed how his were shaking slightly. “About me?”

“Of course not.” You turned around, reaching up to caress his cheek, stroking his cheekbone with your thumb. “Jaehyun, this is the only thing I’ve ever wanted. I want to be with you, there’s no doubt about it. I’m just thinking about our future, that’s all. What will we do with our jobs? Our money? What will we do when we have kids—”

“It’s just like you to overthink about stuff,” he tittered, “We’ll cross the bridge when we get there.”

That earned him a pout. “I’m not overthinking about stuff. I’m planning them.”

��Of course, my bad.” He kissed your inner palm once before he let you frame his face again, his hand pressing against the back of your smaller one. “Thank you.”

You frowned. “For what?”

“For everything. For caring, for worrying.” Jaehyun smiled so gently, it was almost heartbreaking. “For being with me. Perhaps it’s immature for me to say this, but whatever future that lies ahead of us, I’m sure it’s filled with nothing but joy as long as we’re together.”

“That is such an embarrassing line to say.” You giggled and the blush that bloomed on his face was instant and striking but before he could say a word, you pulled him into your embrace, resting your cheek against his chest. “As long as we’re together, huh?” You repeated quietly. “Then will you promise you’ll stay with me forever?”

“I promise.” Jaehyun’s smile was pressing against your hairline. “Not even death can separate us.”

You wake up with a cold sweat, your heart thrumming so loudly, it makes you feel nauseous. Donghyuck shifts around in bed at the sound of you gasping for air, sleepily asking what’s wrong as he rubs his eyes.

“I’m fine,” you tremulously utter, a hand on your chest as if it could do something to steady your racing heart. “Go back to sleep.”

Donghyuck sends you another look with eyes barely opened. “Come here.” He tugs you closer to his chest, his nose grazing the crook of your neck. “It’s just a nightmare,” he murmurs drowsily against your skin, and in a matter of seconds, he drifts back to sleep.

“Yeah…” You swallow your breath, Jaehyun’s name resting on the tip of your tongue. “Just a nightmare…”

One that feels too real.

***

Weeks turn into months, and what started as curiosity becomes affection. 

Reading books has turned into nothing but an excuse for both of you to spend time together. What started as stealing secret glances at each other has morphed into an exchange of secret whispers in a secluded corner. The questions have become more personal too, and you find yourself talking about childhood memories and nonsensical ideas that show up in your thoughts, even the ones you have never shared with anyone else, not even to Donghyuck who lends his arm for you at night.

It’s only the dreams that you keep quiet about, as they always revolve around him since the first day you met Jaehyun. You’re not sure why, maybe it’s a way of your subconscious trying to tell you that you have feelings for him—feelings that aren’t meant to be shared with friends—as the dreams tend to play romantically. And you can’t deny that you do feel something about him.

It’s hard not to feel anything when Jaehyun has given you everything you’ve ever asked from a person. From a friend. From a lover.

But it’s not love. Definitely not love. At least not in the way you know of. In your mind, love is in the form of hugs you share with Donghyuck, not in the way Jaehyun lands his eyes on yours. Love is—

Your head swirls. What is love?

The concept of love is so complex that even if you know about it, you’re not sure if you understand it enough to experience it. You have never talked about love, not with your boyfriend, not with yourself. Is it something that you’ve already felt once? Are you in love with Donghyuck—the man you’ve spent the last two years together?

What does he think of me? You start to lose focus, sinking into your thoughts and the soft music playing in the background feels like a lullaby. Does Hyuck love me?

Before long, you feel your eyelids grow heavy. You fall asleep with your arms folded on the table, cheek pressing against them.

You’re dreaming. You’re dreaming of a hand, so warm and tender as it brushes stray hairs from your temple. You’re dreaming of a voice, so familiar to your ears, so quiet and heartbroken as it resonates in whispers. You’re dreaming of a pair of lips, so soft and light as they press against your strands.

“It’s okay if you don’t remember me. It’s okay, so please…” Slender fingers curl around your wrist, bringing it to frame a face with skin as soft as porcelain. “Just come back to me…”

You wake up. 

Jaehyun is sitting on the other side of the table, pen tapping against his lips as he reads back his work, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He notices the little shift in your movement, immediately beaming at you with his signature smile. “Hey there, Sleepyhead.”

You rub your eyes before sitting straight on your seat, your hair’s astray. “What—How did I—” A coat is slipping through your shoulders and you catch it before it meets the ground. It’s Jaehyun’s. “Umm—t-thanks,” you mumble, handing it back to him.

“Sure,” he responds. “You were shivering so…”

“Oh… Right.” You certainly don’t feel cold now especially when your cheeks feel like they’re on fire. “W-what time is it?”

“Around eight. The place’s about to close.” Jaehyun takes a sip of his drink, grinning at your behavior. “You were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

“Yeah, well, you should’ve. My boyfriend's gonna interrogate me for this.” You sigh, trying to gather back every bit of your strength and dignity. “Why are you still here?”

He raises an eyebrow at that, acting offended. “You don’t actually think that I’m the type of guy who leaves pretty girls sleeping defenselessly in public, do you?”

The word ‘pretty’ comes so effortlessly from his mouth that you’re sure he doesn’t mean it to mean something more. “There’s literally no one else around here but the staff besides us.”

“Which should be the more reason why I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

You scoff, shaking your head in amusement. “Yes, yes, how chivalrous of you. Thank you, oh my mighty prince. How can I return the favor?”

“By coming here again tomorrow?”

The way his eyes shine with excitement at the thought of seeing you again makes your heart flutter. “I don’t think you need to ask,” you grin.

***

Jaehyun knows you. He knows you too well. But it’s not the things that can be seen, it’s the things that you can only know by spending time together. Jaehyun knows the type of music you listen to, knows that whenever it gets too cold, you’ll start craving a cup of hot chocolate. 

It’s strange, the fact that Jaehyun, a stranger you just befriended, pays attention with all his heart, even at the words that accidentally slipped off your tongue as if you’re the only person who matters in the world, while Donghyuck, your boyfriend, barely bats an eyelash when you share an important aspect of your life. It feels strange at first, but now, it sickens you.

“What’s this?” You ask, examining a CD case he just hands over. “Are you giving me a mix-tape?” It doesn’t have a cover, just a note painted with the words: When we die, we will turn into songs, and we will hear each other and remember each other. You have your eyebrow raised. “A quote by Rob Sheffield?”

“It’s a hint for my story. As promised.” He takes a seat in front of you. “Have you worked on it?”

“When you’re only giving me this quote as a hint and nothing more, it’s kinda hard to come up with something tragic for the ending.”

“I thought you had a very creative imagination.”

You throw a playful glare and he titters a little bit in response. “Is there any other reason why you’re giving me this?”

“Just something to keep you company.” He smiles. He always smiles, but more with his eyes than his lips. Then he slides down another thing—a book this time—wrapped with a red ribbon. “As you read this.”

It’s an old book written by your favorite author, one that you haven’t been able to read because it’s so rare to find. “How do you—” You’re lost for words. You have never told him about this. You’ve mentioned your favorite books but none from this author as it is something personal that you prefer to keep to yourself, not wanting others to judge you for your distinctive taste.

“It’s written by my favorite author,” he elaborates, “I just thought you’d like it too since we have similar taste.”

There’s something he’s not telling you, you can sense that. But if he’s not ready to provide the words, you won’t take them away by force.

“Thank you.” You hug the book to your chest. Somehow, the air feels like spring, like cherry blossoms blooming for the first time after being frozen for so long. “I’ll cherish this.”

“It’s just a book, don’t be dramatic,” he chuckles but happiness is written all over his face, mirroring yours. Jaehyun’s eyes soften and he appears so fragile, like a porcelain doll. So beautiful and vulnerable.

The songs he has compiled for you seem like they’re taken straight out of your playlist. Even for the songs you’ve never listened to before, they click right in. You’re so caught by the moment, drowned deep in the lyrics and the music that resonates from your speakers, that you don’t hear the sounds of your boyfriend stepping into the room.

“I thought I heard noises. What are you listening to?” Donghyuck asks, leaning over your shoulder to peek at the empty CD case you’ve been holding on your lap.

“A friend gave me,” you answer. You notice the way his eyes dart to the handwritten note and it makes you nervous as if you’re doing something wrong behind his back, something forbidden.

“What a thoughtful friend,” he comments nonchalantly, albeit a little bit cold. You mask your anxiety with a chuckle. “Maybe you can tell your friend that there’s this thing called Spotify nowadays. Literally no one listens to CDs anymore.”

Your tongue lays heavy in your mouth, and maybe it’s better to leave things the way it is but you can’t stop yourself from bitterly saying, “I happen to like listening to CDs. It makes me feel nostalgic.”

“You and your nostalgia.” Donghyuck snorts, completely missed the annoyed tone in your voice. He places a peck on the top of your head. “Well, I’m hungry. What do you want to have for dinner? I’ll cook."

“There’s a new Chinese restaurant opening just a block away,” Jaehyun said on a Sunday evening when you two were about to part ways. “They got amazing reviews. Do you have some time to spare? I know how much you love Chinese food.”

“I never told you I loved Chinese food.”

“Everybody loves Chinese food, it’s not that hard to guess.”

“Fine. But if you can guess what I’m about to order, I’ll start filing a restraining order against you, assuming you’re a stalker.”

“Well, I gotta be careful not to get caught then.”

“Baby?” Donghyuck snaps you out of your reverie. “I’m asking what you wanna have for dinner.”

“Umm…” You push a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, somewhat jittery. “Chinese food?”

He frowns upon your words. “I didn’t know you liked Chinese food.”

“I-it’s just something I haven’t eaten in a while.”

“Well, I’m going to cook you something better.” He grins, boyish and ignorant. “How about your favorite Spaghetti Aglio e Olio by Chef Lee Donghyuck?”

You smile, weak but hopefully not empty. “That would be nice.”

***

“You’re okay?” Jaehyun asks the second you take a seat in front of him. He seems so concerned that it surprises you. You haven’t realized you look that troubled.

“I’m fine,” you assure him with a smile. “Just… You know, boyfriend stuff.”

You can tell how Jaehyun is holding back his words from how tightly he keeps his lips pressed together. He’s always considerate like that, always detecting every little thing that you try to hide but never pressures you to speak, especially when it comes to your relationship. Jaehyun respects you, respects the fact that you are already involved with someone that he never tries to get you to look in his direction. Though his eyes often betray him, Jaehyun tries his best to maintain his distance. He never flirts, never praises you with romantic words, never steps out of line.

And you’re thankful for that because deep down you know, once he does, it will be hard to untangle yourself from his grasp.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’d rather not.”

“Then...” Jaehyun closes his book, leaning closer. His dimples are so prominent when he grins, eyes turning into a beautiful pair of crescents. “How about we go try out some dumplings?”

It’s so sudden and random but once the idea sinks in, there’s only one thing you want to say. “Take me away, Jaehyun.”

It’s not about the food. It’s not about ignoring your problems, or the loneliness that’s drowning you a little bit more every day. It’s about enjoying the little things with someone who understands you, someone who doesn’t need to hold your hand to keep you warm. 

Someone who can finally let you breathe.

***

“I can’t believe it’s closed early,” you whine after you read the sign that’s strapped to the library’s front door. “And I was so excited to read the next chapter too.”

“What’s the book?” Jaehyun asks, adjusting the strap of his bag that hangs low on his shoulder.

“No Longer Human.”

“By Osamu Dazai?”

“Yep.”

“I’ve got a copy of that.”

“What, really?” The spark of glee that glimmer in your eyes catches him by surprise but he hides it behind a soft smile. “Can I borrow it? It’s such an old book, I can’t even find the e-book version of it.”

“Sure. Would you like to come over to my place?” The line makes your breath hitched in your throat and Jaehyun recognizes the faint blush that spreads on your cheeks. Mirroring your reaction, he hastily clears his throat, rubbing his nape as his face turns scarlet. “Or, uhh, I can just hand it over to you tomorrow.”

“No, it’s—” As you tuck your hair behind your ear, you notice your fingers are shaking. “I have—I’ve got time to spare. You have coffee at your place, right?”

His shoulders begin to relax and with a soft gaze, he reciprocates with an even tender smile. “If you’re alright with instant coffees.”

“Then lead the way.”

Jaehyun has this mature persona around him, like a caring big brother that calms you down but the second you arrive in his hallway, he fumbles with his words, his key slipping out of his fingers during his first try, and his nervousness starts to rub off on you.

It makes you wonder whether he’s feeling like he’s crossing the line, just as much as you are with Donghyuck’s name sitting on the front of your mind.

“Come in,” he invites, opening the door but keeping his eyes anywhere else but yours. “I hope you don’t mind the mess.”

His apartment smells just like him and it makes it hard for you to focus on anything else. But the second you’re able to sort that thought away, you realize something. He keeps his place minimalist and neat, just like the way he dresses and writes. Everything is organized properly with two paintings decorating his walls—ones that remind you of your grandmother’s house. “You really do have an old soul,” you playfully comment and he scrunches his nose at you in return.

It feels more familiar to step into Jaehyun’s apartment than your own because he has everything that you wanted and more. All the books sitting on his shelf, his collection of CDs, even the potpourri he has on his coffee table has the same scent with the one you’re planning to buy. 

“I know you said we have similar taste, but this…” You scan his bookshelf in awe, noticing how it almost covers his entire wall from how huge it is. He owns hundreds of books and everything is arranged alphabetically. “This is just taking it to another level. Are you sure you’re not my stalker?”

He simpers. “If I was, I wouldn’t have invited you here. Too much evidence.”

“Or maybe you’re just planning to keep me here with you forever.” When he doesn’t reply, you realize how wrong that line just sounded. “I’m sorry, was that a weird thing to say?”

“I didn’t hear anything.” Jaehyun waves you off, walking to the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

The tension gradually starts to ease by the time you have a book in your lap, your eyes running from one passage to another. Sitting next to you, Jaehyun has his pen glued to his notepad again, his brown hair nearly looks golden as the sunset illuminates his face with such a warm, beautiful glow.

He really does look like a painting, you admire as you steal glances at him from behind your book. The perfect shape of his nose, his smooth skin, the way he’s so focused on his story, drowned inside his imagination… Maybe you’re being carried away, taken by his beauty, that your mouth begins to produce the words without thinking.

“Why do you look so sad?” 

Jaehyun’s pen nearly slips from his fingertips. “What?”

“Sometimes you just look... so lonely and hurt,” you clarify although you’re growing more conscious of the way you’re crossing the line. “It feels like you’re forcing yourself to smile when you look at me...”

Jaehyun loses the ability to speak, even just blinking his eyes already seems like a stretch. But he sees something, the genuine curiosity and concern written in your eyes, that makes him avert his gaze away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he remarks, forcing himself to chuckle and you know that’s he’s showing you that smile again, even when you can barely make out his features.

You don’t know what’s gotten into you. Maybe you’re just tired of him keeping secrets to himself when you’re sure they concern you. Maybe you’re just sick of seeing him like he’s on the verge of breaking apart without knowing the cause. Or perhaps it’s just your selfish way of saying, “I want you to smile, truly smile, because of me and no one else.”

But you find yourself reaching out a hand, your fingertips meeting the warm skin of his cheek, wanting him to turn his face around so you can see his expression. Jaehyun jolts, your name tumbles down his lips abruptly, his hand clamping against your wrist. “What are you doing?” His eyes are shaking as they bore deep into yours but yours are steady. Your eyes, your voice, your fingertips. They’ve never been this steady.

This is the first time you’ve been this close to him, to know how long his eyelashes really are, the way they flutter against his cheeks, the curve of his mouth, and the beauty mark on his pale skin. He’s possibly the most beautiful man you’ve ever witnessed in person.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to suddenly touch you like that.” You try to retract your hand, but he keeps his fingers around your wrist, hand hanging mid-air as he swallows his breath. Seeing him nervous makes you nervous. “Jaehyun, I won’t force you to say anything you don’t want to say, but…” You haven’t realized that you’ve been speaking in whispers, but Jaehyun has and his eyes soften just as much as yours do. “Please don’t pretend, not when you’re with me.”

Whether it’s from your words or the tenderness in your voice, you’re not sure, but Jaehyun releases your hand only so he can cup your cheek. He murmurs your name, so soft as if he’s telling a secret that he’s been dying to say. He leans forward, his breath is now fanning your cheek, and he’s so close, so close, and your eyes begin to shut when his lips faintly graze against yours—

The ringing sound of your phone blares through the room. 

Your entire movement stops but your heart runs a thousand miles per hour. It takes a good few seconds to come back to reality, and when you do, you’re not graceful at it. “Umm—” You glance away, breaking free from his touch. Your fingers are trembling hard when they retrieve your phone from the table. It has stopped ringing and a notification appears on your screen. The sight of your boyfriend’s name makes you feel like the floor is crumbling underneath you. “Sorry, it’s Donghyuck—I have to—It’s getting late, he must be looking for me.” Too embarrassed to see his face, you quickly gather your belongings into your arms, not even spending a few seconds to wear your coat back. “Thank you for inviting me. I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow?” And you don’t wait for an answer, only forcing yourself to laugh which comes out as strained and pitchy, before you head toward the front door.

“Wait.” Jaehyun has his right hand pressing against the back of the door, shutting it close before you have the chance to let yourself out. You’re trapped between the door and his chest, making it harder for you to breathe. “Can you look at me?” He firmly orders but promptly adds a soft, “Please,” when you’re not brave enough to respond to him. 

You turn around, hugging your purse and your coat to your chest, facing him but not meeting his eyes. You can feel him analyzing your expression, feel how heavy his gaze is on your face. He bends down slightly, hand reaching out to frame your face like before but you flinch, eyes shutting tightly before he can make any contact.

You can’t see the look on his face as you are too frightened to do so, but you can tell how much you hurt him by the sound of his voice. “You forgot your book,” he states, handing a copy of Osamu Dazai’s No Longer Human.

“O-oh, right.” You sound so nervous, so afraid, and you don’t know why. “It’s okay. I won’t be able to read at home anyway—”

“I want you to have it.” It’s the first time he loses the warmth in his voice when he speaks and if you’re not too clouded by your thoughts, if you weren’t so selfish, you would’ve tried your best to fix the situation. But not right now. Right now, you just want to disappear. You want to run back home, run into Donghyuck’s arms like how you’re supposed to be. 

Because this is wrong. This isn’t supposed to happen. Not when you have another man waiting for your return.

You take the book from his hand, noticing how your fingers brush his and how they stay that way for a little too long, but Jaehyun doesn’t say anything. “I’m sorry,” you mumble out, tears begin to prickle at the corner of your eyes and you’re still not sure why you’re on the verge of crying.

“Don’t be. It was my fault.” He notices your emotions, he always does, and it breaks you apart to know how much you’re breaking him right now. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Nothing happened,” you convince him, shaking your head and will your tears to go away before they fall down your cheeks. “We didn’t do anything.”

Jaehyun’s fingers curls, nails sinking into his palms as he tries his best to mask what he’s feeling. “You’re right,” he quietly repeats, “Nothing happened.”

***

“Where have you been?”

Your keys slip through your fingers at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice and you’re petrified, millions of thoughts running through your head as you try to come up with an excuse.

But why? Why do you have to come up with an excuse? “Nothing happened. We didn’t do anything.” Isn’t that what you said?

“Babe?”

You jump back a couple of steps when Donghyuck walks into your personal space with a frown breaking on his temple. He furrows his eyebrows deeper at your reaction. “You okay? You look kinda pale.”

“Yeah, umm—” You adjust the collar of your turtleneck shirt, suddenly feeling like you’re being choked. “It’s fine—I’m fine. I just had a long day at work.”

“Why didn’t you text me? I could’ve swung by to pick you up.”

You force yourself to smile at his offer. “Thank you. It’s okay, really. Were you waiting for me?”

“Well yeah, I wanted to eat dinner together. It’s been a while since we did that and I wanted to make it up to you.” He cutely pouts and you’re reminded of the reason why you’re so trapped under his spell. “Text me next time when you’re about to come home late so I don’t have to wait for you.”

There it is. It strikes again. The feeling of loneliness. Curling your fingers at the hem of your shirt, you weakly reply with, “I’m sorry.”

Because out of the millions of thoughts that run through your head, that’s the only thing you have the bravery to say out loud.

***

“Hyuck?” You call out, carding your fingers through his soft locks. Donghyuck has his head on your lap with his legs sprawled out, taking most of the couch. His eyes are glued to the screen of his Nintendo Switch, thumb moving frantically to land a new high score. “I think we need to talk.”

Donghyuck doesn't respond right away. After a few relentless movements of his thumbs, he shouts, “Fuck, not again! Goddamn, I gotta restart all over again.” You can see him renewing the game, picking a different character. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I just…” You’re nervous, feeling more so than the pain that swells in your chest from not being taken seriously. “It feels like we haven’t been spending time with each other. Properly, I mean.”

“We’re spending time together now, aren’t we?” He hisses when his character takes another damage from his opponent. “What, do you want to watch a movie or something?”

I want us to talk. I want us to laugh. I want us to listen to each other like we used to. “I’m not in the mood for movies right now.”

After taking another shot, Donghyuck groans. “Fuck this stupid game,” he grumbles, throwing his device to the coffee table. “You know what’s annoying? The fact that I could land a perfect high score when I was drunk as fuck but now, I can’t even get into top three!”

Your patience is growing thin, but even then, you can’t find the strength to confront him properly. “Hyuck…”

“Right, sorry.” He heaves a sigh, rubbing his head as he sits straight up, facing you properly. “What is it? Is there something wrong?”

You meet his gaze and you realize how rarely you stand in this position, with him looking directly at your face with concern in his eyes. Now that he’s paying you full attention, your vocabulary turns into a blank slate. Your lips are parted but your voice is nowhere to be found, as it is hidden by the fear of speaking beyond control once you let your emotions run loose. 

“I…” You begin, clearing your throat to sound less anxious. “Are you happy with me?”

He knits his eyebrows together. “Of course, I’m happy. What are you talking about? Have I done something to upset you?”

“No, it’s…” Your hands lay rigid on your lap, fingers tightening around each other. You weakly smile. “Nothing. I guess I just had some weird thoughts popping in my head.”

“Look, I promise you I’ll do the laundry this weekend,” he confidently convinces you, as if that was the problem you’re currently facing. He pokes you on the nose, grinning boyishly. “Stop acting so weird, you’re creeping me out. What else are you thinking about? If it’s sex you want, you just gotta ask. You know I’m down with it anytime you want.”

“Yeah, of course…” You can force yourself to laugh but every sound you make feels like a knife piercing against your heart. “Sorry, I was just being stupid. You can ignore me.”

“I won’t ignore you, how can I do that? Not when you’re this cute.” He giggles, pressing a kiss to your forehead. But his affection does not make the butterflies in your stomach come alive. It makes hot tears threatening to appear in your eyes. “I like your sweater,” Donghyuck coos, “Is it new?”

No, this is my third time wearing it in front of you. “Yes. I’m glad you noticed.”

“I always notice everything about you.” He ruffles your hair as he stands up, stretching out his arms above his head. “Is there anything else you’d like to talk about? ‘Cause I’m dead tired.”

“No. Thank you for listening.”

“Anytime, babe.” He bends his head down to kiss you fully on the mouth, tongue running along your lower lip just to tease like usual. When he pulls away, he has his juvenile grin intact. “Well, I’m going to bed. If I wake up late tomorrow, you can re-heat the food. I’ve stored everything in the fridge.”

Donghyuck disappears behind the door before you can finish saying good night.

***

The sun’s about to set… He must have been there already.

It has been two days since you last saw Jaehyun. You know you’re not being fair avoiding him like this, but you don’t know what else to do. You’re not brave enough to face him after that. Have you been giving him signs? Was it your fault, was it the expression you made, was it the words you spoke, that made him lean towards you, asking for a kiss that you were more than eager to give?

“Hey, babe,” Lee Donghyuck chirps against your ear, arms finding their way to circle your waist, pulling you to his lap. “What are you doing?”

You’re successful at hiding your surprise but knowing it’s Donghyuck, anything will probably pass by without him realizing. Even when you have spent the last fifteen minutes reading the same paragraph in your book over and over again as your thoughts drift somewhere else. 

You have a boyfriend and it’s not Jaehyun. Donghyuck is everything to you now, isn’t he? Yet, if you hadn’t been interrupted by that phone call, you were sure you would’ve yielded to Jaehyun’s touch.

“Nothing happened. We didn’t do anything.”

You’re disgusted with yourself.

You throw a glance to the side, your nose nearly brushing his as Donghyuck settles his chin on your shoulder. Unlike Jaehyun who has a fresh, masculine scent, Donghyuck smells like summer and lilacs under the sun. It’s comforting and sweet, yet even after two years, it stills feels somewhat unfamiliar to you.

“Reading a book.” You shiver when he pushes your hair away, placing a lazy wet kiss on your nape, lips parted and tongue pressing against the skin. “Hyuck…”

“It’s okay, keep reading.” Whenever his mouth makes contact with your skin, he adds a hum or a moan to make sure you know that despite his words, he’s not giving you the chance to continue. “You want us to spend more time together, don’t you?”

You deeply exhale, staring lifelessly at the ceiling, sensitive skin being caressed but none of his touches pumps desire through your veins. Since when did I stop wanting him this way? You wonder, feeling guilty when Jaehyun’s face appears in the corner of your mind once more.

“Baby,” Donghyuck murmurs seductively against the skin, thin fingers slipping underneath the hem of your shirt, trailing over your navel. “Hasn’t it been a while since we last did it?”

“It’s only been a week.”

“And that’s a week too long. I want you.” He strokes your cheek, guiding you to meet his eyes. “Can I touch you?”

It’s a rhetorical question since you both know you can’t say no when he demands something from you. “Of course.”

Donghyuck’s lips still taste the same, feel the same as they suck bruises on your delicate skin but the sparks are no longer there. He used to make you squirm with excitement, body begging under temptation. Sex used to be an adventure, a way for him to make you lose your mind, to have you gasping his name between moans, nails clawing against his back, thighs trembling under his fingertips.

Right now, sex is just… another glue to keep your relationship in place.

Clothes are discarded on the floor, and Donghyuck is sitting with you on his lap, his spine pressed against the couch, nails digging into your hips as he brings you down to take him inch-by-inch. He hisses when he feels you engulfing him with your warmth, head thrown back with lips parted in a blissful moan.

“No matter how much we’ve done it,” he chuckles, eyes glazed with lust. “I can never get enough of the way you’re taking me so well, baby.” Donghyuck is a very passionate lover and his lips love to praise, both by words and kisses. The way he calls your name, the way he whispers, “You feel so good around me,” often makes you wonder whether there would be any other man who will desire you this much. But is it love? Does he love you? 

Do you love him? 

You’re not sure. You don’t know yet. But you know he plays a huge part in your life. Donghyuck once added a spectrum of colors into your previously dull, monochromatic life. You care about him, think about him more than you should, even putting his needs and priorities above yours.

If that’s not love, then what is it?

“Donghyuck…” You flinch when he rocks his hips up, a bit too rough and forceful as he’s getting impatient with the pace you’re going. “I—I think I love you.”

It surprises you that these words can leave your lips but you don’t regret it. It’s the right thing to do, saying these words to him. It’s only natural after the amount of time you’ve spent with him. It’s a way to bridge the gap between you and him, to reignite the flame, to bring laughter back into your life. 

To fix the mistake you just made two days ago.

But maybe his thoughts are too clouded with lust, maybe your words are too quiet for him to hear, or maybe you haven’t said the words at all and everything is just playing inside your imagination but no matter what the reason is, Donghyuck doesn’t answer. The words that escape his lips are obscene, a sign that he’s about to finish and you let him pull you closer to his chest, let him sink his face in the crook of your neck, let him groan and release everything inside because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

“Did you get to come?” He asks, breathless and flushed when he’s finished. His bangs are glued to his temple, sun-kissed skin glistening with sweat and when he strokes your cheekbone with his fingers, they tremble from the pleasure that washed through his body.

“Yes.” You didn’t. You haven’t in a while. It’s not because you didn’t enjoy it. Donghyuck still moved in the way you wanted him to—in the way that used to untie the knots in your stomach, almost making you cry from how good it was. But you’ve begun to realize that there was a part of you missing and Donghyuck isn’t the right piece to complete the puzzle. 

Jaehyun.

The dread of having another man’s name running through your head is so much, it almost makes you vomit your insides. 

“Hyuck.”

“Yes, baby?”

“I said I love you.”

There’s no going around it this time. You’ve said the words, you’ve pronounced them loud and clear but when Donghyuck still doesn’t say anything, you wish the earth could swallow you whole. “Can you… say something, please…?”

“Baby,” he sighs, fingers framing your face so gently, it hurts you. “Please don’t take this the wrong way. It’s not that I don’t love you but—”

You’re stunned, shocked to your core at the incoming rejection but… that’s it.

You don’t feel anything. How can you not feel anything? You don’t feel hurt, you’re not disappointed, you’re just…

Relieved.

“Baby, are you listening?” Donghyuck calls again, grabbing you by your chin so he can peer into your eyes. “I like you. I really do like you. I like you so much but love is such a big word and for me to be committed that way is just… I don’t know, I haven’t figured out my feelings yet. I don’t even understand what love is. I just—I need more time.”

You’re lost for words. How can you tell him? How can you say that you’re so relieved he doesn’t love you back? How can you tell him that his action does not break you apart, but only makes you realize that you’ve just been forcing yourself to stay with him because it feels like it’s the right thing to do?

What if you’re just staying with him because you’re so afraid of being alone, not knowing that loneliness is the only thing he can offer you in return?

“I understand,” you quietly reply, climbing off his lap. Your knees wobble slightly under your weight as your mind travels somewhere else. You gather your clothes into your arms, placing them back on your body.

Donghyuck frowns at your reaction, calling your name as he stands up and pulls his jeans back to place. “Look, I don’t want to hurt you by saying it when I still don’t truly mean it the way you do.”

You can’t look at him, can’t meet his eyes when you can’t even understand how you feel. “I get it, Hyuck, it’s fine.”

But maybe Donghyuck is taking it the wrong way because his voice is laced with both exhaustion and desperation to make this feel any less terrible. “Babe, can we just talk—”

“I said, I’m fine!” You turn around to face him, head dizzy and heart palpitating. It scares you. It scares you that after all this time thinking Donghyuck was the one for you—all the things you’ve done, all the memories you’ve shared—you still don’t understand your feelings for him. You loved him once, you’re sure you loved him once. But is it love if the feeling isn’t eternal? Can you call it love when it fleets by so fast, disappearing without a trace as if it’s never existed in the first place?

To think that these two years you have spent with him would amount to nothing...

You take a deep breath, wishing your body and voice to stop shaking. When you look him in the eyes, there’s nothing but certainty written in your eyes. “You’re right, we need to talk.”

Donghyuck walks to your spot, hand resting against your waist, another one framing your cheek. “Please don’t be mad,” he whispers, and for the first time in the last few months, he does look sorry. “I’m happy to hear you say those words, I really do, but—”

“I want to break up.”

He freezes, jaw dropping low. “What?” 

“I want to break up with you, Donghyuck.”

“What—why—” His eyebrows are sewn together, and you take his hand away from your face, breaking free from his hold. “You’re breaking up with me because I can’t say I love you too?”

“No.” You exhale. “I’m breaking up with you because I feel fine with you not saying it back.”

He stands in silence, then his forced chuckles fill the air. “Babe, what are you talking about—”

“Are you happy with me?” The tremble in your voice has receded. “Be honest. Are you truly happy with me? Or are you just going along with everything because you’re so comfortable—so used to the situation of being with me—that you start to think as long as I’m not hurt, it’s fine. As long as I’m not alone, I can keep going with this relationship, even when I’m with someone who doesn’t truly understand me. Or accept the real me.”

Donghyuck releases the breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. His voice is a pitch lower when he speaks, bitter and hurt. “Is that how you feel? All this time when we’re together?”

“No.” Your heart still breaks at the sight of his face. “I think I really did love you once, Hyuck. And if you had rejected me a few months earlier, I would’ve probably broken down crying. But now…” You grow stiff, noticing the infuriated look that’s plastered on his face. “I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck stays mute and the silence only adds more tension to the atmosphere. His teeth are grinding against each other when he replies. “Why did you even say you loved me if you weren’t fucking sure about how you felt?”

You twist your finger in the hemline of your shirt, in dire need of something to keep your emotions collected. “I thought it would make us grow closer again. To fix what’s lost between us,” you weakly admit, heart throbbing and breaking at the sight of him. “But then I realized that we shouldn’t say we love someone just because we have to. We should say it because we want to. Because we truly feel that way. But I didn’t feel anything when you didn’t say it back. I only felt… relieved.” 

The enraged look on his face forces you to drag your eyes to your feet and you stay still, breathing as quietly as possible. It’s only when Donghyuck starts to reach for his jacket, muttering, “I’m not having any of these bullshits,” as he walks passes you that you dare to look in his direction.

“How easy for you to put this all on me,” he declares with his fingers lingering on the doorknob, so spitefully it shocks you. “You probably think I’m dumb and insensitive, but I know. I’ve noticed the way you changed ever since you met him.”

“What?” His words feel like a slap to the face. “I don’t—”

“You know,” he cynically laughs into the air, throwing his head back. “Just because you found someone who makes you happy ‘cause he can quote your favorite lines, read your favorite books or listen to the same shit you like, doesn’t mean you can throw me away like I’m some fucking garbage.”

You’re petrified by his words. Somewhere in your head, you keep saying that the reason why you’re breaking up with him is that you’re so different from each other—that there would be little to no chance for the two of you to understand one another even if you’re given all the time in the world. But you can’t deny that there’s a part of you that completely rejects Donghyuck simply because you’ve stopped wanting him as much as you want Jaehyun. 

It sickens you.

“I’m…” It’s suffocating. The tension in the air, his eyes, the way your heartbeat is ramming against your ribcages. “I’m sorry...”

Your apology only aggravates him more and with gritted teeth, Donghyuck slams the door behind him, leaving you alone in the silence of your room.

Your apartment has never felt this big before.

***

It’s funny how you just ended your two years relationship with your boyfriend but Donghyuck isn’t the one you’ve been avoiding for months. It’s Jaehyun.

Something is gnawing at you from the inside, the feeling of guilt as if you just sinned. You didn’t cheat on your boyfriend. Physically, you didn’t. You’re attracted to Jaehyun, everybody would be to someone who owns such a handsome face and delicate features. But it’s more than just physical attraction because when you lay at night in your bed, alone and empty, it’s not his face that comes to mind. It’s the little thing he does, the way he listens to your words so attentively, the way he smiles—happy and sad at the same time, the way he greets you, the way he nibbles at his lower lip as he tries to think of a word to write on his note. 

And the dreams.

The dreams never stop, they only grow stronger. You can remember each and every one of them crystal clear when you wake up. They’re usually different every night but for the last few days, the atmosphere and the surroundings were the same. 

In the dream, you were lying down in a hospital bed, wearing nothing but your white gown, too weak to even lift a finger. Jaehyun was sitting on a wooden chair with a book in his hand—the one that he presented you as a gift in real life—while his other hand was holding yours, thumb tenderly gliding against your knuckles. He seemed much thinner, cheekbones growing prominent with dark eye-bags tainting his pale skin. But his smile was the same, just as warm, just as tender.

He was reading you a story, one that you had memorized by heart from how many times you’ve read it. But it’s different when he read the words out loud, voice melodious and soothing, like a mother’s lullaby. When it was over, he beamed at you, asking, “What’s your favorite part of the story?” And you opened your mouth but no words could come out. You were losing your voice, could only make croaking sounds and even that already put a strain on your body. You could see how much it broke him to hear you struggle but he waited patiently, hand squeezing yours tighter. 

“Me too,” he responded after he heard your answer, kissing your knuckles. “I like that one too.”

In another dream, you saw him sitting at the edge of your bed, his mouth still formed that beautiful, delicate smile, but his eyes were as heavy as the storm. You asked him, why, what’s wrong, trying your best to let your voice break free from your mouth. He brushed his fingers against your cheek, pushing your hair out of your eyes. “I won’t let anything separates us,” he said and it felt more like a promise than how it sounded. “Not time, not death, nothing. I will always be with you.” He let his lips linger on your temple as he whispered the next words. “So it’s okay if you want to sleep. I won’t be going anywhere.”

Then… I’ll see you again when I wake up.

“Yes.” He leaned closer, letting his lips meet your chapped ones in a chaste kiss. “I’ll see you again when you wake up.”

But by the time you opened your eyes, heart thrumming loudly inside your chest, with the sound of the alarm in your phone muffled by your pillow, you knew that in the dream, once you go to sleep, you’d never be able to wake up.

I have to see him.

***

Three months have passed since you last saw him. It’s funny that despite how close you are to each other, know each other like the back of your hand, you just only realize now that you haven’t given him a way to contact you. No home address. No phone numbers. No social media. You’re not even sure what his last name was. You never needed to know his contact details before. Every day, an hour before the sun is replaced by the moon, you will meet each other here in this library—that was the unspoken promise between you and neither of you ever broke it. Not until now. The second you stop coming to the library, you disappear from his life as well, as easy as snapping your fingers.

The quickest way to see him is by visiting the library. Today you will see him. You just have to.

It’s raining hard, hard enough to drench you to your socks, painting shivers to each of your fingertips. It’s a Sunday evening, the sun is an hour away from setting behind the horizon. But with how heavy the rain is going, the day will turn into the night before the sun can shine its light through the clouds again.

Hesitation arises within you as you take shelter on the porch, your shivering fingers circling the doorknob to the library. He might not even be here in this kind of weather, you miserably think to yourself. It wasn’t raining when you took your leave half an hour earlier but you should’ve noticed how thick and dark the clouds were. Your thoughts were too jumbled that you didn’t even think about carrying an umbrella with you.

But you’re already here and if he still keeps his promise…

You take a step inside.

Your clothes are drenched but thankfully they’re not dripping water to the carpeted floor. It’s warmer inside, so warm that you feel like you’re home, sitting close to a fireplace, basking in the scent of sandalwood. Your eyes naturally scan the room, taking a longer glance at the table where you usually sit in front of him, a book in your hands, a smile strapped to your face. Jaehyun’s nowhere to be seen.

He’s not here. Is it because of the rain? Or… Maybe he has stopped coming here to see me. 

You can only realize how important someone is to you when they’re gone and it hurts so much that you have to nip at your lower lip, fingers curling around the end of your sweater. 

I want to see him again…

“You’re here…”

You turn your head to the source of his voice, heart about to burst when you see Jaehyun stopping on his tracks, one hand holding the entrance door open, another one carrying a folded umbrella that drips water to the floor. He’s so stunned at the sight of you, he doesn’t even appear to be breathing. In a whisper, your name breaks free from his lips.

And you run towards him with all your might.

He nearly stumbles from how hard you’re crushing your body against his, his umbrella falling from his grip but he doesn’t push you away. Jaehyun is warm, warmer than everything you’ve ever held and you wonder whether you’re just freezing from the cold or he’s always been this comforting. It feels so natural to stay in his embrace, to be wrapped with his strong arms, to have him whisper your name against the shell of your ear. 

I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.

Jaehyun...

The first tear that slips down your cheek is an accident, as you don’t want him to see you cry. You don’t even know why you’re crying but you can’t stop. You sob against his chest, fingers curling against the fabric of his knitted sweater, gritting your teeth to stop yourself from crying harder but failing every time. 

Jaehyun never breaks away from your embrace. He does not care if people stare, does not listen to the murmurs being exchanged at the back of the room. He pulls you closer, one hand holding you around the waist and the other one stroking your damp hair. “I thought I’d never see you again,” he says, overwhelming you with his scent, his warmth, his voice, his everything and you still want more. His lips nearly brush against the tip of your ear when he whispers, “I’ve missed you.”

Your hands are now fisting the back of his sweater, pressing your cheek to his chest as you muffle your cry, focusing more on the sound of his heartbeat. It feels like a dream, one that you never want to wake up.

It’s only when you have the strength to pull away from him that he releases you. He swipes his thumb under your eye, erasing the stains of your tears. He looks at you in a way that is so different than the way Donghyuck used to. His gaze is softer, a mix between the feeling of relief for having you in his arms and a yearning to have more as if you’re still far away from his reach.

I want him to stare at me like this forever.

“You’re freezing,” he says, noticing the coldness of your cheek against his palm. “Would you like to come over to my place? I can make you something warm.”

You let out a tiny laugh. “That would be nice.”

***

Jaehyun’s sweater is too big that the hem falls to the middle of your thighs. Your clothes are in the dryer, making rumbling noise that’s loud enough to fill the awkward silence between you. Drying your hair with a towel he gave you, you take a seat next to him, careful enough not to invade his personal space too much.

“How are you feeling?” Jaehyun asks, handing you a cup of hot chocolate.

“Warmer now, thanks.” You wrap your fingers around the mug, seeing a cloud of steam erupting from your drink. 

“It’s been a while since we last saw each other. I’m glad you look fine.” 

“I am. I feel fine. More so than I’ve ever been.” And it’s not a lie. Being here with him, despite everything that happened, makes you feel at ease. He makes you feel as if you had been embarking on a trip for so long and now you’re finally home. “Were you, umm…” Were you planning to wait for me at the library? Have you been waiting for me all this time? Or was it just a mere coincidence that we bumped into each other again?

“Were I what?”

“Never mind.” You don’t have the bravery to do it. Flushed, you quickly take a sip of your drink.

“I was about to wait for you,” he suddenly confesses, nearly making you choke. “I was… worried about you. I kept wondering whether something bad happened.” His voice gradually turns into murmurs as he continues. “And I thought... After what happened... You hated me.”

The ticking sound of the clock echoes like thunder when silence hangs in the room. “I would never hate you, Jaehyun…” You’re unconsciously rubbing the edge of your mug with your thumb, eyes fixated on the glass instead of him. “There’s no way I could hate you.”

From the corner of your eyes, you could see him turning his head to face you. “Well, you stopped visiting for three months without leaving a word. It was hard for me to stay positive,” he says, a bit teasingly, “And I had no idea how to contact you either. I didn’t know what else to do but wait in the library every day until I could see you again. So that’s what I did.”

Blood is rushing to your face. He did wait for me. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” He chuckles and you just realized how much you missed hearing it. “You don’t need to. I’m glad we can meet again.”

“Me too.” You mirror his smile. “You know, you could’ve just looked me up online.”

“Then, why didn’t you?” He asks and your heart stops. “Why didn’t you call me?”

You have to tell him the truth, you owe him that much. “I couldn’t. The way Donghyuck looked at me when I broke up with him made me feel so guilty and I knew I would hate myself even more if I ran back to you right after.”

“Why?” Jaehyun questions in a whisper. “What did you feel guilty for?”

Your heartbeat roars so thunderously loud, you can hear it in your ears. “Because he said the reason why I broke up with him was that… I had feelings for you.”

Jaehyun stays in silence for a few seconds and it drives you insane. Eventually, he leans forward to lay his cup down on the coffee table. “So…” He hesitantly speaks. “Did you tell him he was wrong about that?”

You tighten your hold around your cup. “I…” Taking a deep breath, you confess. “I didn’t.”

And there are so many things to be said, but none of you dares to speak. The silence is deafening, its invisible arms strangling you little by little and you’re trapped, not knowing whether to ask him to respond or just run away before your heart explodes to pieces.

Jaehyun does that look again where he stares at you like you own his heart, giving you the permission to hold it or crush it however you like. “Your hair is still dripping water,” he says, reaching out to place his hands around the towel and gently dab your strands, squeezing out the excess water and he’s so close, you can truly see the color of his eyes. In the soft, yellowish light of his room, they’re a little bit darker, a stark contrast to his pale skin. You’re distracted with the way his eyes shimmer under the light, the way he breathes so softly, warm breath hitting your lips.

And you don’t know who initiate it, but for the next breath you take, you’re gasping for it against his mouth. Jaehyun’s lips move slow against yours, tentative and patient, waiting for you to react. But he doesn’t have to wait, not when you’ve been wanting to do this for so long. Not when both of you have been wishing for it to happen.

If your mind wasn’t too deluded with the thoughts of him, how he feels against your body, how he tastes on your tongue, how the low grunt and moan that escape from the back of his throat successfully send shivers down your spine, you would’ve probably thought about how different he was compared to Donghyuck. Jaehyun was so tender, cradling your figure so gently as if you were about to break into pieces if he moves too fast. His kisses aren’t as rushed and bruising as Donghyuck’s, but they’re deep and just as passionate, if not more. The effects that his lips have on your skin burn stronger than anything you’ve ever felt. And if you thought Donghyuck reminded you of the sun, Jaehyun was the blazing sun himself.

But you couldn’t think of Donghyuck. You can’t think of anything else but Jaehyun. Right now, he’s the only one that matters.

“Push me away anytime you want,” he says, eyes dark and hazy, as he circles a hand around your waist to press your body flat against his chest.

With one hand fisting his collar, you let your lips taste him once more. “I never want you to.”

Your soft gasp is muffled by the skin of his neck when Jaehyun lifts your body off the couch, and you tangle your legs around his waist for support as he carries you toward his bedroom. Despite the growing, overwhelming passion between you, he lies you down so gently on the bed, hovering above you as he paints your name at the skin below your ear. You let out a sigh, pulling him closer and closer until you can sink completely into his warmth. 

No words are being exchanged because they don’t need to. Jaehyun speaks with his eyes, expresses his feelings with his lips, and carves your body with nothing but affection and adoration with his gentle hands. It amazes you how different sex can feel when there are feelings involved. It’s a connection, not just between your body and his but your mind, your soul, and every bit of your heart.

You’re more sensitive to his touch that even the slightest slide of his finger can make you arch your back. Jaehyun swallows every gasp, every moan of his name that tumbles down your lips and you do just the same with his.

He only stops to give you the chance to catch your breath when he’s fully sheathed inside you. His fingers tremble as they caress your face. “Are you okay?” He asks, sounding breathless and hoarse. He looks even more beautiful like this, skin glistening with sweat, lips bruised and swollen by kisses, pale cheeks reddening at the feeling of you peering into his eyes.

You smile, gaze softening. “I’m fine.”

Jaehyun has never looked so content before, so relieved, so happy and it makes you feel something in your stomach—something that you haven’t felt for months—to know that you’re the reason behind his most genuine, beautiful smile. When he whispers, “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me,” into your ear, you know that he’s not talking about the time you were absent from the library. His words have more weight to them as if he’s been waiting for you for years as if you once belonged to him before something separated the strings between you.

“I’m going to move, okay?” Jaehyun murmurs against your lips, and you let out a shaky breath, nodding a little.

He takes it slow, waiting for you to adjust to his rhythm as he keeps his eyes on your expression to make sure he’s not hurting you in any way. His eyes are half-lidded, cheeks flushed, lips parted in a small moan, barely audible. He splays one hand on the inner part of your thigh, fingers pressing hard against the supple skin as he pins it down to the bed, spreading your legs wider so he can press himself deeper inside you.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers against your jawline. “So beautiful…”

You nibble at your lip, circling your arms around his shoulders, raking your nails down his back as he picks up the pace. He’s perfect, he’s so perfect at everything he does—the sway of his hips, the angle, the way he changes from giving shallow to deep thrusts in accordance to your expression, knowing exactly what you need. 

He kisses you every time you give him the chance and it makes everything a lot more intimate, makes you feel more vulnerable, makes you feel more exposed. “I’m in love with you,” he says, forehead pressing against your own. “I’ve always been… All this time…”

There’s a surge of joy washing through your entire body and it’s so intense, you find yourself hiding your face in the crook of his neck, your vision blurred with tears. How can you feel so complete when this is your first time with him?

“Jae—” You gasp, your thighs trembling as you wrap your legs around his hips, arms hugging his shoulders tighter. “Jaehyun, I’m—I’m close—”

At your words, Jaehyun untangles your arms from his body and sits on his heels. He takes a hold of your waist and slams his hips harder to yours, driving you to the edge until you’re left sobbing against the sheets. He pulls away on the last second to finish himself off, tainting your stomach as a low grunt breaks free from the back of his throat. His bangs are falling over his eyes, a bead of sweat rolling down from his chest to his lean stomach and he still looks like a painting, one that you can’t seem to stop admiring.

“Wait, don’t move,” he says as if you had the strength to do so. “I’ll clean you up.”

When he comes back from the bathroom, fully clothed in a white tee and black sweat pants, he takes care of you so attentively, dabbing warm towel along your skin, swatting the bangs out of your eyes. A gentle smile never leaves his face but he blushes whenever your eyes make eye contact, though not as apparent as the shakes on his fingertips. 

“You’re so good at this,” you tease him, propping your elbows on the bed. “Must have a lot of experience with women, I’m sure.”

“I’ve only ever been with you,” he answers and it doesn’t sound like a lie.

“What?”

His movement stops, acknowledging the appalled look on your face. “There’s… something you need to know.” He slips under the comforter, lying down on his side, and makes sure it covers your body to your shoulders to keep you warm. “That day, when we first met… It wasn’t our first time meeting each other.”

“What do you mean?” Your eyebrows are adjoined in the middle. “When did we first meet then?”

Jaehyun falls quiet, eyes searching yours. “In the same library,” he says, “Seventy-four years ago.”

***

“Where are we?” The question leaves your lips as you scan your surroundings. Jaehyun has taken you somewhere you haven’t been before, a rural area in the foothills of Jiri Mountain. After spending more than three hours drive from Seoul, seeing nothing but never-ending roads and traffic signs, it feels refreshing to see a charming little village, blanketed in a snow of white and soft pink, with the sound of water streams soothing your ears and cold wind of April caressing your cheeks.

“Hwagae,” he claims, his hand never leaving yours as he walks next to you, taking shorter strides to match your step. “People usually think that Jinhae is the best place to see cherry blossoms, but for me, it’s here.” He glances at the way your fingers are intertwined with his, smiling timidly to himself. “But maybe due to personal reasons.”

“Well, you’re not lying…” You murmur in awe, eyes widening at the sight of cherry blossoms trees that line the road, following both sides of a turquoise-blue stream, pebbles whisked about in the under wash like pieces of glitter. “It’s beautiful.”

You can hardly pay attention to anything else so when Jaehyun presses a kiss against your hairline, your heart nearly leaps out of your chest. “It is, isn’t it?” He says, pushing some loose strands behind your ear. “Beautiful.”

With his eyes locked with yours, it seems like he’s praising something else and you look away, cheeks heating up at his words. “How long does this road goes?”

“Around four kilometers.” Jaehyun follows your steps. “There are more than a thousand cherry blossom trees around. Locals call this lane the Marriage Road as it is said that lovers who walk hand-in-hand under the trees will get married and live happily ever after.”

He tightens his grips around your hand, and you can swear your palm is getting sweaty from how nervous you are. “You just can’t stop making me blush, can you?”

“I’m just stating out facts.” He chuckles and it’s even more beautiful than the whole scenery. He’s more beautiful than anything you’ve seen. But when he speaks, all trace of humor has dissipated. “You may not remember but... This was the place where I asked you to marry me.”

You have seen it coming but it still shocks you, nonetheless. It’s easier to treat him as a liar who’s telling superstitious stories and pointing things about you because he’s a stalker that knows more about you than he should. But the more he tells his stories, the more they feel like the truth and it’s not just a hunch. His stories are his versions of the dreams you’ve been having. The dreams that you’ve gotten ever since you first met him, and you never told anyone about that.

As you take a seat on the nearest bench, Jaehyun hands you his journal—the one he’s been using to write his novel. “I think it’s time for you to read the story.” But as you reach out to open it, he lays his hand on top of yours. “Before that,” he says, “Remember what I asked you? I want you to guess the ending for me.”

You’ve never thought about it, never imagined how the ending of his story would unravel. He has told you that it was about a pair of lovers meeting each other by fate and separated tragically by death, you knew that much. But anything could’ve separated them, whether it was because of sickness, accident, or simply because of old age, you could’ve guessed wrong. Yet, when your lips moved without thinking, providing answers that make your heart jolt, Jaehyun smiles and says, “Correct.” He then opens the book and gives you the chance to run your eyes through every passage. It’s written in a first-person narrative, allowing you to see through Jaehyun’s eyes as he unveils his story. 

The female lead has your name.

Every line. Every word. Every description. They feel like deja vu and the tiny hairs at your nape begin to raise. Your fingertips tremble as they move to open new pages. These are memories. They truly happened in the past. As you read, you can feel your own coming back, little by little, and by the time you’re halfway through the story, you can guess the next part that’s about to happen or correct little details that may have slipped from his mind.

“They were lilies,” you say, fingers tracing his perfect handwriting. “Not white roses.”

“What?”

“The flowers you gave me on our first anniversary.”

Jaehyun takes a shaky breath, and when he chuckles it sounds like a peal of tiny laughter and a choked sob at the same time. “Is that so?” He weakly asks, fixing his gaze to his lap. “I’m sorry, I must have forgotten.”

But he remembers everything else, everything that matters, even the way he felt back then. You could tell the love he once experienced with you through his eyes, the longing he has suffered as he waits for you to remember him once more, and the agony of being separated from you.

It’s easier to cry than to breathe when the memories of your past life start to dawn on you but you provide your best effort to stay reserved. There are more you need to learn.

The reason why he visited the library was not because he lived nearby. He moved there so he could visit the library, as it was the first time he met you in the previous life. “I was hoping she would remember the place as it was something we both grew fond of,” Jaehyun wrote in his journal, “She always thought I had a passion for books. She was wrong. She was the one who taught me that stories could mean something more. That they could make you feel alive, make you feel something you’ve never experienced just by words. I’d like to believe that these stories were the ones who brought us together, so we could create our own and maybe then, we could inspire other people—to make them feel alive with our stories.

I waited for her every day, from one season to another. The memories I have of her have always been there with me ever since I could remember, but that did not guarantee hers would resurface. Maybe she was looking for me. Maybe she was not. Either way, I couldn’t give up. I would not give up. 

And finally, one day, I saw her again. In the same library, with the same little smile she always had whenever she had her eyes fixated on her book. She appeared exactly the same as the first time I met her 74 years ago. I could not breathe, trapped between reaching out to her or just standing still in the distance, because when our eyes met for a brief second, she looked away. 

She did not remember me.

I was crushed. Devastated. I was nothing but a stranger. Twenty-five years I had been searching for her and now that she stood before me, I lost the ability to speak. It took me another week until I could find the bravery within me. I tried my best to appear as nonchalant as possible, even when my heart was breaking, even when my hands were shaking. I sank my nails into my palms so I wouldn’t take her hand and pull her into my embrace. When she told me her name, I was shocked. Her last name was different but her first name was the same, and I wanted to laugh. Fate could be so cruel, letting her keep her name but not her memories. 

But memories could be re-created, and I learned that none of her habits had changed. I might be a stranger, but to me, she was not. She was my wife and I wanted to hold her. I wanted to tell her I love her and hear her say the words back to me. I was ready to start over, to make her fall in love with me once more but before I could even begin, I learned that she had belonged to someone else.

And what killed me was that… She did not look happy with him.”

Your breathing stalls. Everything makes sense now. He’s been holding everything to himself. This was the secret he kept from you. And that time when he almost kissed you… What did you say to him?

“Please don’t pretend, not when you’re with me.”

That’s what he did. He stopped pretending. 

And you pushed him away, treating both of your feelings and his like a mere high school crush when they were something deeper than anything you’ve ever had. 

You place your lower lip between your teeth, nibbling at it until it grows white. He must have been so hurt, you realize, I’m the worst.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks, reaching out to take your hand. “You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.”

“No, I—” You shake your head, hoping the tears won’t fall. You give him a reassuring smile. “I want to. I need to remember.” Your smile doesn’t deceive him but he gives you the space you need, believing the honesty in your words.

Your marriage with him only lasted for four years before you passed away in your sleep, your weak lungs could no longer support your system, and through his story, you learned that Jaehyun followed you to the place he shouldn’t have. Because just a few minutes later after you took your final breath, he slit both of his wrists with a knife and hugged your body close to his chest, his blood drenching the white sheets underneath. His lips lingered against your hairline as he spoke, “I’ll see you again when you wake up.”

His neat handwriting starts to turn into dark splotches of ink as it is tainted by your tears. You’ve remembered. You’ve remembered everything. Everything that makes you happy and everything that hurts, you’re reliving each and every one of them. 

“Why?” You sob, shoulders quivering as you try to keep your emotions contained. “Why did you do that? You could’ve lived for many more years. Could’ve found someone else.” You bury your face in your palms, voice muffled by your skin. “You could’ve been happy without me.”

You can’t see how he looks at you, can’t feel his touch as he’s nowhere near, but you hear him take his breath. “My mother used to say,” he says, “that two people who are meant to be would always find their way to each other, even in the afterlife.” Jaehyun moves and kneels on the ground in front of you, his hands prying yours away from your face and his smile has never looked this blissful. “That’s why,” he continues, voice so soft it’s almost as light as the wind. “If there’s a chance, no matter how little it is, for me to see you again I would gladly trade my eternity for it.”

There are emotions you can’t explain, ones that you can’t understand. Emotions that make you cry as if the world was ending but also ones that make you feel so blessed to be born into this world, to be able to see him again, to witness his beautiful smile, his beautiful soul, and the beautiful love he has for you.

“Why are you crying?” Jaehyun chuckles softly but the quiver in his voice betrays him. He strokes your cheek, drying your tears with the pad of his thumb. 

Leaning into his touch, you sob against his palm, “I love you,” you confess, “I love you, Jaehyun. Even if my memories never came back, I’d still fall in love with you. Over and over again. I’m sorry you had to wait—”

Jaehyun abruptly stands on his knees, pulling you into his embrace. As your eyes widen in surprise, he buries his face in the crook of your neck, whispering, “If I had to wait a thousand years to be able to have this one moment with you, I’d gladly do it in a heartbeat.” His shoulders begin to shake and you wrap your arms around them, drenching the fabric of his shirt with your tears. “I love you too.”

There’s a voice inside your head that says, ah... so this is how it feels. 

Love... is not so complex after all. It doesn’t have to be. It’s not something to be understood. It’s not something to be thought endlessly. It’s not a choice to be made.

It’s a feeling, and feelings are meant to be felt. And you realize that happiness does not only emerge when your love is answered with the same passion. Happiness is already there in your heart just by loving him. You love him. You just love him. Entirely. Infinitely. 

So you kiss him with the biggest smile you can make, you pull him close with every strength that you have and you let him stay. In this life or another, you will let him stay.

And you will see him again when you wake up.

***

[angelatsumu]

gala (m. izuku & b. katsuki)

hello friends! it's been a while, but i am back with some bakugo/izuku x reader food <3

warnings: NSFW! minors DNI or i will eat your whole family. fem!bodied reader, izuku called izzy, izzy calls reader puppy, cucking, thigh riding, m! masturbation, oral (f! giving), cumeating, mean bakugo, dom!izuku & dom!bakugo, very subby!reader, alcohol mention

NSFW under the cut, also not proofread <3

katsuki is not the nicest guy when his gorgeous girl is being so clingy to Deku

your giggle rings through his ears as he watches from across the room, the way you clung to Izuku's arm like a fragile doll was driving him mad. that dress hugged your curves too tight, inching up your side with every keen into izuku, and without thinking he'd slide his hand down and adjust it for you, hands ghosting over your curves. he knew what he was doing, having pro-hero Dynamight's special girl draped over his arm like some prize, some prize he hadn't truly won. katsuki's blood was boiling, but he knew he couldn't cause a scene. after all, Deku had mentioned the gala to him, and he seemed disinterested. when you brought it up, begging to be taken to your first hero gala, he brushed you off, claiming he didn't want to show you off to the world just yet. so, here you were, Deku's prize for the evening. knowing you decided to go with his comrade, Bakugo swore he would only go to the gala to be sure you were safe, that he wouldn't get jealous. the seething was telling a different story.

your emerald ballroom gown that hugged your curves so tightly got hitched on the swell of your thighs once more, catching enough to displace the thigh slit just enough for Deku to blush. once again his hand snaked around your hips, tugging the dress down only slightly, and this time his hand held its place on your hip. a blush rose to your cheeks as your sipped from the champagne flute in your hand, eyes scanning the room for your lover. you knew katsuki too well, and you knew he would be at the event the moment you agreed to Deku's invitation. your eyes met his, and he cut his eyes at you before rolling them. you immediately divert your attention back to Deku as he squeezed you closer to him, clearly aware of your boyfriend's presence. Izuku's touch made you feel hot, the lingering circles he traced into your hips with each flirtacious giggle and stolen glance. you'd be lying if your senses weren't intoxicated on Izuku's hero demeanor, finding yourself at the end of this desire to be saved by Deku.

"how 'bout some water, puppy? you've had quite a few of those." the comment itself was innocent, but the thing that caught you off guard was the nickname that made your knees buckle. he knew, the sly smirk as he handed you a glass of water told it all. "hm, o-okay," you gasped softly, taking the water from him and having a few sips to clear your head. Deku's left hand never leaves your side as he watches you, drinking in your reaction to his words. you felt hot, like you were boiling under your skin. bakugo felt the same, more than aware fo the effects Deku had on his girl. still, he waited. bakugo was amazing at playing the long game, more than willing to edge you for hours to get a point across. still, tonight, watching your hands linger on Deku's chest, eyes gazing into his lustfully, chest heaving at the mere charisma of his friend, he knew something more than edging needed to be done.

just as you were collecting your thoughts from the gutter, deku reaches into his pocket to retrieve his cell phone. he grins when he sees the caller and immediately answers. "i knew you couldn't stay away," he starts, eyes scanning the room for your lover. he sighs contently when they lock eyes, listening to your lover's undeciphered words on the other line. "oh, i fully intend to," he remarks, a sly chuckle leaving his lips as he placed his phone back in his pocket. you look to deku with confused eyes, and he beams down at you, squeezing your hip an inch tighter. "puppy, we have business to attend to," he whispered in your ear, placing a chaste kiss against the shell of your ear. you blush deeper, nodding your head slowly and allowing him to lead you from the middle of the ballroom. he ushers you to the elevator, insisting he needed to stop at his hotel room before continuing the evening.

deku has you pressed against the door of his hotel room within seconds of entering, his knee coming between your legs to spread them apart. his lips immediately speckle kisses along your neck, moans leaving your lips. "i-izzy, please," you whine, eyes screwing closed as your curse yourself for allowing your resolve to fade. "i love it when you call me that, doll," he groaned against your skin, large hands roaming your body and settling one on your breast the other on your hip. "call him it again, teddy~". your eyes spring open as you crane your neck to see your beloved boyfriend sitting with his legs crossed in the chair adjacent to the window. deku lets out a groan against your skin, groping your breast over the gown as his presses his thigh into the gap between your legs. "you couldn't just stay quiet for another minute, huh, kacchan?" izuku grins against your skin, feeling your breath hitch as you realize your beloved boys had set you up once again. "daddy wants to watch, teddy. be good to izzy," katsuki scolds you and your cunny throbs at the command. deku's hands reach to bunch up your dress around your waist to reveal you had opted out of panties for the evening, and both boys let out a soft groan. "so you planned on fucking him anyway, huh slut?" deku directs his attention to katsuki, shooting him a warning glare as katsuki holds the menacing, shit-eating grin he normally held.

deku turns back to you lovingly, sliding you onto his thigh so that your bare cunny throbs against his toned muscle. he stood there, entranced by your overwhelmed expression as you worked your hips on his thigh, desperately seeking any stimulation to your swollen clit. "getting your mess all over my emerald suit, puppy~" he teased, earning a chuckle from katsuki. your eyes closed softly as your form subconsciously clung to izuku while you chased your release. you could feel their eyes burning into your skin, and that made your blood run even hotter. deku scoops you into his arms, carrying you to the mattress where he sat on the edge of the bed, sliding his thigh between your legs once more. he held your hips in place to halt your movement, left hand reaching to pinch your cheeks and make you look at him. "i want you to make a mess of my expensive pants, and then, you'll do the same for daddy, okay?" your eyes scan his face for any semblance of joking but found nothing. you sighed, realizing you were in for the longest ride of your life. you nod softly, beginning to work your hips over his toned thigh once more. your cunny dragged against the soft material of his slacks, the texture making your body tense with each roll of your hips. deku took the opportunity to slip your dress off of your shoulders, freeing your breasts for his lips to caress. izuku brought his tongue across your left nipple, sending a chill up your spine as he began circling and nipping at the sensitive bud. "izzy~" you whined, feeling the coil in your stomach begin to bend under the pressure of the brewing pleasure. you could hear the sound of skin slapping, and went to turn your head when izzy's hand stopped you, holding your head in place. "you look at me when you cum, bitch," he grunted, sending your body into a frenzy as your high approached. you bucked your hips faster against him, clit catching the ridges of his slacks with every haphazard rock. his words rang through your ears alongside the grunts from your beloved boyfriend's mouth, and you overheated, your orgasm washing over you like a tsunami. "good girl," deku grinned, helping you rock your hips through your high as your body slumped over him. when he was content, izuku's movements of your hips stopped, and he held you close to him as you took your time recovering.

once the heave of your chest slowed down a bit, izuku placed a chaste kiss to your forehead, but you craned your neck, whining incoherently about your lips. you needed the intimacy, even if you knew katsuki never let you kiss izuku, saying it was only meant for him. "what's this? puppy wants a kiss?" Izuku's sly eyes cut to Katsuki who crinkles his nose in disbelief, resolving on being meaner to you than had been originally planned. Izuku places a sweet, gentle kiss to your lips and you melt into his touch again, feeling the fire inside you reignite. without a second thought, katsuki had stood and scooped you out of izuku's lap, bringing you over to his chair where he'd been angrily steeping.

"you're not cumming anymore, so I hope that was worth it," katsuki groans, shoving you to your knees. "aw kacchan, come on-" 'shut up. she's my brat, and I decide when she's lost her privilege to cum'. you shiver at the idea of katsuki using your throat and leaving you high and dry. he takes his cock out of his pants, swollen pink tip oozing precum as his hand tangles in your hair. you peer up into his eyes, puppy dog like eyes of yours melting that hard exterior. "fuck" he moans, stroking himself in your face. you whine, knowing he's resolved to make you watch. "daddy~" you sniffle, realizing you crossed the line into unforgivably bad girl and he was not one to show mercy to bad girls. his hand moves quick along his member as he stares down at you, pliant and patient as your thighs rub together to create some sort of friction. "f-fuck, 'm close, you little bitch" he noticed the way the harsh name made your legs tremble when deku mentioned it, and the two men exchanged smirks as your shook from the build-up of your desperately needed release. his angry tip oozed more pre-cum as you writhed and whimpered below him, tongue lolling out of your mouth as you anticipated his release. "come here-" bakugo grunted, taking the back of your head and shoving his long, girthy shaft down your throat, the warmth sending him over the edge as he shot his seed down your throat. the harsh speed of the cum burned your throat, eliciting tears from your soft, fucked out eyes.

katsuki came down slowly, chest heaving as his gaze softened slightly as his beloved girl. "good job, puppy~" izuku whined, his own release creeping upon him as he stroked his cock to the sight before him. you held katsuki's member in your throat, leaned forward on your knees enough for izuku to see your glistening, soaked cunny. at the thought of your velvety walls, he shot ropes of cum all over his hands and fingers. katsuki pulled out of your mouth with a pop, a languid whine leaving your lips at the loss. katsuki grinned at his silly girl, gesturing over to deku. "go clean up izzy's fingers, and kiss him. make him taste himself, puppy," bakugo commanded, a blush rising to your cheeks as you crawled over to izzy. Izuku pressed his fingers into your mouth, drooling pooling and slipping out as he depressed your tongue. once you collected his seed, you leaned forward to plant your lips chastely. deku moaned against your lips, deepening the kiss to swirl his tongue throughout your mouth, definitely catching katsuki's residual seed in his mouth before pulling away with a string of spit. "even my cum tastes better than yours, kacchan" izuku smirks at him, and katsuki furrows his brows at him, sliding his trousers off entirely. "give me twenty minutes, i'll send my puppy over to you with a fresher load to taste, cum eater." izuku blushes at the thought, shaking his head as he pets your hair softly.

[stariwrites]

Better When It Feels Wrong

This was for the CEO collab hosted by @cherrytenko​ thank you for letting me join!!

You can find the rest of the works for this collab here!

18+ Minors DNI

Midnight x Miruko x Fem! reader

Warnings: threesome, mommy and daddy kink, pegging, praise kink, biting/marking, oral sex, semi public sex, slight choking, sub reader, dom Rumi, dom Nemuri, degradation

Summary: You shouldn’t be doing this, none of you should. Especially not in their office where anybody could see if they opened the door, but you needed this. Nobody could treat you like they did even if they were your bosses.

“She’s so cute when she squirms like that,” Nemuri cooed against your neck before she continued sucking. You whimpered, craning your neck away from her so she had more room. Her tongue was wet and warm against your skin. You tried to press your thighs together, but they were roughly shoved apart. 

“Ms. Usagiyama” was all you managed to gasp out. She rubbed circles into your inner thighs as Nemuri sucked directly onto your sweet spot. You closed your eyes tightly. 

You shouldn’t be doing this, none of you should. Especially not in their office where anybody could see if they opened the door, but you needed this. Nobody could treat you like they did even if they were your bosses. You could feel Rumi trailing kisses up your thighs, sucking marks into them and occasionally using her teeth. 

“Such a sweet little thing, but that’s not what you're supposed to call me, is it baby?” She landed a harsh bite into your inner thigh, causing you to jolt. It was almost as if electricity flowed through your body. 

“Daddy!” You moaned attempting to arch towards her, but Nemuri stopped you with her hands on your hips. She rubbed slow circles into your flesh before moving her hands to your back. They trailed against the exposed skin where your shirt had ridden up, racking shivers through you. Slowly sliding her hands down to your ass to give it a squeeze. Her acrylic nails dug into your skin through your skirt while a breathy moan escaped your lips.

She moaned against your neck, her hot breath against you was driving you wild. You needed them and you needed them now. You couldn’t handle anymore teasing or you’d swear you’d go insane. 

“Look at that, our little pain slut,” Nemuri whispered, biting the shell of your ear. You gasped as the other two laughed softly at your reactions.

“M’not, not a pain-ah!” Rumi’s tongue trailed against you over your panties. You were putty in their arms, just the way they liked you. Ever since they hired you they wanted you in between them just like this. Their hands were everywhere, under your shirt, along your stomach, gripping your legs. You felt perfectly surrounded. 

“I think we should take these off, don’t you think cutie?” Rumi whispered, her hands moving to your skirt. You nodded, breathing heavily in between them. She smiled at you while her hands moved towards the zipper. She locked eyes with Nemuri as she slowly pulled your skirt down, leaving you in black stockings and your button down shirt.

She growled once the garment was off. From behind you Midnight whistled slowly, her hands going back to rest onto your bare ass. The lacey black thong on full display. “Fuck,” she said pulling at the material. “Wanted to surprise us hm? What a pretty little baby we have here,” she met Rumi’s eyes that were blown wide. “Wouldn’t you agree Rumi?”

Rumi pulled away from you with a cocky smile. “I’d say so, our good girl really knows how to cheer us up, doesn’t she?”

Tears began to build in your eyes as Rumi began to lick you through the underwear. “Mommy, daddy please, need it I need it so bad, please.”

Nemuri slides her hands over your stomach and to your chest, occasionally scraping her nails against your skin. “Please what baby?” Her voice is soft while she starts to massage your tits. A broken mewl falls from your lips. You can feel Rumi move the thong to the side, her tongue rubbing against your clit. Her hands are on your hips, rubbing small circles into them. Her hands are rough against you driving you closer to madness. 

“You’ve got to say what you want or else we won’t be able to give it to you properly.” 

You whimpered feeling pressure on your neck. The air around you was warm. You couldn’t focus on anything else. They were so mean, they knew exactly what you wanted. “I want,” you began only to cut yourself off with a gasp at the feeling of a finger entering you.

“Go on,” Nemuri encouraged taking your earlobe in her mouth. “Tell mommy what you want baby.”

“I want,” you said in between moans. “I want you to sit on my face while daddy fucks me, please mommy.” Both of them groaned at your words, sending vibrations throughout your body. It sent the feeling straight to your already throbbing clit. 

“Holy shit,” Nemuri breathed, taking a step back to undo her skirt as well as unbutton her shirt. You looked back at her until a harsh suck of your clit brought you to look down. “Eyes on me princess,” Rumi snarled. Her ears looked so soft atop her head. 

“Yes Daddy, m’sorry.”

Hesitantly, you reached your hand towards her, not knowing if it was okay to touch. Wordlessly, she brought your hand to her hair with a coo and picked up her pace.

All you could do was hold her hair while she looked up at you with a predatory gaze. You looked so pretty above her, already fucked out of your mind when they hadn’t even started yet. You were always so pliant, so needy for them it made the woman's head spin. She still remembered when you first came to their agency with wide eyes filled with awe. You’d been so innocent and now you were trained to take them whenever and wherever they wanted you. Her pussy clenched at that thought alone. She couldn’t wait until she pegged you, how sweet your noises would be while she’d grab your ass while biting the back of your neck.

“Don’t have all the fun now babe,” Nemuri said, stepping into both of your eyesights. Her outfit was replaced with fishnet tights with black lingerie. It fit her in all the right places with intricate zippers. Your mouth watered you couldn’t wait to taste her.

“Please,” you whispered, staring at her in awe before focusing back onto Rumi. “Use me.”

They didn’t need to be told twice, both exchanged a wordless agreement and brought you to lay down against the desk. “I’ve always wanted to do it like this,” Rumi said, grabbing you by the legs to pull you closer to her. Your upper body was resting against the desk while your legs rested onto Rumi’s shoulders. She shot you a triumphant grin which was all the warning you received before she dived back into your cunt. Licking it with precise strokes. You arched your back, riding her tongue. 

You almost missed it when Nemuri straddled you, her ass in your face. “Well baby,” she said. “Get to work.”

You nodded a small yes mommy left your lips as you dove into her cunt. You held onto her thighs gripping onto the fishnets while you began to eat her out like you were starved. You couldn’t get enough. You could already feel drool dripping down your chin, but you didn’t find it in yourself to care. Not when Nemuri was moaning above you, her voice deep. 

“Feels good baby, you’re doing so good. Such a good girl.”

Rumi whistled lowly at the scene in front of her. Nemuri’s eyes were shut tightly, her black hair draped over her shoulders while your hands were wrapped around your thighs, stroking soft circles into them as she rode your tongue.

“Well aren’t you two a sight?” She teased before going back down on you while Nemuri’s thighs caged you in, all you could breathe was her. You loved it, you loved them. 

Two fingers soon joined the first inside you making you moan. You were close, you could feel it. You pulled away from her to catch your breath. 

“Need it, need it so bad I’m so close! Mommy, daddy please!” You babbled in between moans, diving back into Nemuri.

She gasped at the sensation, moaning breathily while Rumi stood up from in between your legs, carefully placing them onto the floor. She shot Nemuri, a teasing look. “Feel good?”

“Come here,” she growled, grabbing the bunny hero by her hair. They both groaned into the kiss. You clenched against Rumi’s fingers at the noises they were making. Both of them were fighting for dominance. You pulled Nemuri closer to you causing her to lose the battle as Rumi twisted her tongue around the woman’s. When they pulled away the two were both breathless.

It wasn’t until then that you felt the strap rubbing against your pussy you didn’t know when she put it on too caught up on the sounds of their tongues twisting together leaving drool on your stomach.

“Ready baby?” Rumi asked, sliding it between your folds. Pulling away from Nemuri once more you babbled a mixture of please daddy and want you inside. Taking that as her cue she pushed in. You moaned into Nemuri, your eyes almost rolling into the back of your skull. The toy filled you out so well, it hit against the spongy spot inside of you making you see stars. 

When Rumi began thrusting you couldn’t take it. Variations of mommy and daddy spilled from your lips as Nemuri began to pick up her pace to match Rumi’s, grinding against your tongue.

“Such a good girl for mommy baby, making me feel so good,” she moaned rising higher in pitch.

“Daddy loves your tight cunt baby,” Rumi grunted thrusting into you harder. “Sucks my strap in so well like you were born to take it, what would your coworkers think if they saw you now all spread out letting your bosses use you like a little slut?” She licked her lips watching your tits bounce with her thrusts. She didn’t miss the way your pussy clenched at her words.

“Oh, do you like that baby? Like the thought of somebody realizing how good you are to us, have them see you crying on my strap? You gonna cum? Do it then!”

You couldn’t hold it in anymore, with a thumb against your clit you felt your orgasm crash into you. Nemuri followed soon after and as soon as she did she rested beside you on the desk until Rumi pulled out the strap. With a fucked out smile, she rubbed your abused clit before slapping it.

“Such a good little pussy,” she said, sending Nemuri that same smirk. In the blink of an eye she was in front of Rumi, rubbing hard circles onto her clit while whispering absolute filth into her ear. You watched as Rumi bit down onto Nemuri’s shoulder with a strangled cry. 

All of you glanced at each other still trying to catch your breath. “So, you began. “Same time tomorrow?”

[severelytalentless]

Stacey’s Mom Part 3

Poolboy!Yuuji x Cougar!Reader

MINORS DNI

A/N: One more time because I’m crazy about this pairing. Here are parts 1 and 2 if you missed the build-up. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

TW/CW: sexual scenarios and strong language, aged up yuuji, age gap, adultery, oral sex fem receiving, dirty talk, light degradation, lots of praise for our best boy, teasing, some impact play, power exchange, unprotected sex, dumbification, cream pie, dirty dirty smut

Recommended Listening:

House of Cards by BTS

Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande

————————————————————————

Yuuji feels like he’s in a dream.

You just said the magic words.

“I’m all yours baby..”

He’s finally got you all to himself. No one is going to get in the way of him hearing you scream his name. And he intends to make you do so more than a couple of times.

This naughty look on your face is new to him. It’s making his heart race. He feels slightly intimidated. He always thought Mrs. L/N was this innocent little housewife. Now, after the way you just swallowed his cock and basically forced him to fuck your face, he’s thinking he might have judged you all wrong. He’s almost afraid to make the next move.

He stares at you with big sparkling eyes, as if you just handed him the keys to a candy store. The gravity of the situation starts to tug at the knot that’s been looping in on itself in your core, igniting a new nervous excitement.

What happens now?

You half expect him to throw you over his shoulder and haul you away to have his way with you. But instead, he leans in and kisses you. This time, it’s slower, not so urgent.

His tongue doesn’t barge into your mouth. He kisses you softly. It’s sweet and intimate; almost loving. This change of pace takes you by surprise and forces you to lift your foot off the pedal of your arousal.

One hand holds the base of your head so gently and his body presses into you like he’s trying to melt you both together. You swoon into him with a heavy sigh. He cups your face and pushes his thumb into your jaw, tilting your head. He peppers light kisses across your cheek and onto your ear.

“Mmh, Mrs. L/N?” He whispers between pecks.

“Yes, baby?”

“Do I get to have you all night?” The question is hopeful and earnest. He just needs to hear you say it again.

“Ooh honey, I told you, I’m all yours.” You smile and savor the little sparks that fly off your skin as he kisses down your neck. He exhales heavily,

“Thank you..”

————————————————————————

You take his hand and lead him over to the door on your right. The guest bedroom in the pool house is always made up since your in-laws are notorious for dropping by without warning. You turn around and walk backwards into the room, holding both his hands. He smiles and follows you, letting go of your fingers as you lean back against the foot of the bed.

He just stands there in awe, taking in your naked body like he’s looking at some beautiful piece of art. The afternoon light through the window is hitting your skin, making you glow. He takes a deep breath and exhales shaking his head.

“You are...incredible..”

Your heart flips and throws blush onto your cheeks.

“You make me weak, Mrs. L/N..”

“Call me Y/N..”

“You make me weak, Y/N.” He repeats himself, emphasizing his words. He steps forward and closes the distance between you. His knuckles brush up along the goosebumps on your arm.

“I’m going to take my time with you.” His voice is soaked in honey to match the sugary smile on his face. You could just melt.

His whole demeanor has shifted into a lower gear. Where before he touched you like he was on a time limit, he now has all the time in the world to worship your body. He wants to know every little thing that makes you sigh and moan. He knows this may be the only chance he’ll ever get.

“Lay back..” his request is quickly met as your head falls back into the pillows. He stands at the foot of the bed and proceeds to crawl up over you, stroking and kissing every inch of your skin as he goes. Your heart is a smoldering mess, fluttering in your chest with each touch of his lips. You feel like a goddess in the hands of a truly loyal subject.

He pauses over your chest and picks up where he had left off before Stacey’s phone call, sucking on your hard nipple and rolling the other between his fingers. The sensations trickle down, adding to the heartbeat thumping into your clit. His hand sweeps under your back as it curves up off the bed and you breathe out his name. His mouth comes off your skin,

“Yes ma’am?” He continues gently squeezing at your nipple, coaxing another sweet sigh.

“Please baby..don’t stop..”

“Don’t plan to, ma’am” his deep voice gives you chills. He says exactly what you want to hear.

His mouth is on you again, lazily tonguing circles around the bud. His hand leaves your breast and skates down between your legs to flirt with your slit. Your back lifts up further and you pull in a sharp breath as he strokes apart your folds. You’re still so slippery from before.

His fingers glide around, bumping your clit and teasing your tight opening before they slip inside. He relishes the long shaky moan that comes out of you. He starts dragging against the swollen flesh inside you.

You’re body flexes and your hands fly to his shoulders, gripping onto him to steady yourself. He sucks and bites down lightly on your nipple in sync with the curling of his fingers and hums when your nails begin to scratch into his skin. He’s playing you like some erotic instrument. You are music to his ears.

“OH-oh Yuuji-uh-yes-more!” you chant along to the rhythm, hips rolling and bucking in reflex. Your wish is granted and he moves his mouth down towards your heat, fingers still strumming your g-spot. The knot inside you tugs hard when you realize where that tongue is about to go, making you whimper in anticipation. Your head rolls back into the pillow, feeling it stroke into your clit.

“Fuuck Yesss” you hiss at him and press your nails into your palms through the sheets. Your thighs involuntarily squish together against his head, but it only helps to lock his mouth into your core.

His licks are lazy and torturous, rubbing flat and slow, massaging your electrified nerves. You choke on your moan and squeeze your legs tighter when he starts to suck and flick at it. His free hand pries your thigh off his face with ease, opening you up again. Your muscles tense and then relax, submitting to the overwhelming pleasure, letting even more rush in. You can’t believe how close to the edge you already are. You prop yourself up on your elbows and look down in disbelief at the scene between your legs.

His strong hand holding your knee down on the bed.

His head cocked at just the right angle, rolling your clit in his mouth.

The obscene wet sounds of his fingers pushing and pulling inside you.

He locks eyes with you.

And you’re fucking gone.

“Oh Yuuji FUCK!”

A surge of heat and pleasure floods your body and you fall back down onto the bed. He moves his tongue to match your writhing and convulsing, you yell out profanities and affirmations.

He lets up on his assault as your heavy breathing slows, eyes beaming with lust and pride, smile coated in your slick. You pant and purr as the waves subside.

“God Yuuji..that was so..I haven’t cum like that in so long..you’re just..” you trip over your words, still high from your release.

He looks up at your blushing dazed expression, completely chuffed by your praise, and pulls his sticky fingers out of you. You watch him shove them into his mouth. He closes his eyes and groans, sucking them clean.

“Have I told you how good you taste?”

“Come show me..” you beckon him up to your mouth and watch his pupils dilate. You feel his cock push against your hip as he leans over you. It’s hot and heavy. You taste yourself on his tongue and brush a finger along the veins of his shaft. He hitches into you and lets out a sharp breath over your mouth.

“You’re such a good boy, Yuuji...” you wrap your hand around his swelling dick and tug a little. He whimpers like a puppy. You giggle.

“Such a nice big cock..” you purr and tease him, enjoying the desperation painted on his face.

“Do you wanna fuck me with it?” Another adorable whimper spills out of his mouth. You squeeze him a little more.

You’re absolutely loving this.

“Uugh..yes-yes ma’am” he nods his head and bites his lip. He bucks his cock into your grip. You lean up close to whisper in his ear.

“Do you wanna stretch me open? Make me scream? Is that what you wanna do, Yuuji?” You sound so wickedly sweet and seductive. His forehead drops against your collarbone and he groans in frustration, wringing his fists into the pillows by your head.

This toying is too much for him. He breaths heavily and lifts his head, glaring at you with sex in his eyes. That look makes your walls clench. The sexy little smirk pulling at your lips sets him on fire.

He pushes up off you in an instant, roughly grabbing your sides and manhandling you flat onto your stomach. You gasp and giggle at the force.

This is exactly what you wanted.

He drags your hips up at a sharp angle, you wiggle your ass in the air, eagerly spreading your legs wide. You yelp at the smack he lands squarely on you behind.

“You’re a filthy tease, you know that?”

“I’m not sure I know what you mean, honey.”

You look back at him and flash a dirty grin.

Another smack is followed quickly by your groan of pleasure at the pain. The sting radiates into your skin.

“You know exactly what you’re doing..”

The tip of his cock slides up and down between your slippery folds. You arch your back and push your arms out in front of you, leaning back into him with a muffled moan. Your heart pounds.

God, you want it so bad.

Then you’re gasping. The thick head pushes past your opening and begins slowly sinking into your cunt. Drool rolls out of your gaping mouth, followed by a lusty little hiccup. The stretch is overwhelmingly and delicious. It’s so much tighter than you expected.

“Fuuck-“ your eyes roll back as he bottoms out into your guts.

“Speak up Y/N..how’s it feel?” You whine when he rolls his hips against your ass, you feel his cock nudge at your cervix. Your cunt twitches around him and your body shudders.

It’s so fucking thick.

“Uugh baby yes..so good..” he slides it back slowly and drives into you, knocking the wind out of you.

“Louder..” he grunts and ruts into you again. And again. And again. Deliberately pulling back so fucking slowly. You cry out every time it dives back in. Then his thrusts halt completely and he holds your hips firmly against his, cock buried to the hilt. You squirm and squeal.

“Tell me what you want, Mrs. L/N.. I wanna hear you say it.” The way he growls the command makes you fuck back onto his cock.

“God yes baby...fuck me...I want you to fuck me.” You beg and arch your back harder, rolling your ass into him. If you had a tail, it’d be wagging.

Whatever switch you managed to flip in Yuuji has him in a seething, dominant state. You’re incredibly pleased by this side of him. It’s fucking sexy. You had a feeling he had it in him, and it didn’t take very much to tease it out.

“Never thought you’d be such a needy slut, is Mr. L/N really not hitting this?” He spanks your ass again and you jump away, only to have him yank your hips back, pumping his cock into your dripping hole.

You look back over your shoulder at him and watch as he pounds into your neglected pussy, an electric current runs through you,

“Not like this honey..” you grin and fuck yourself back onto him, matching his thrusts.

You’re drunk off this cock. It’s giving your greedy cunt exactly what it’s been craving. You relax your muscles and feel it sink in even deeper. He groans behind you and bucks you forward a little, then leans over you to grab the headboard. He picks up speed and rails into you at a punishing pace and with so much more leverage.

You haven’t been this wet in years. His cock pistons in and out of your gushing cunt like a well-oiled machine. Dragging against your clenching walls. Shaking filthy moans out of your chest. Your tongue lolls out of the fucked out smile on your face, you drool like a dumb slut. Your eyes cross up in your skull. You gasp for air, drowning in the pleasure.

It doesn’t get any better than this.

“Yes-baby-yes-oh god-yes-fuck-me-yes!”

He pulls out with a pop and suddenly you’re empty.

You whine desperately and whip your head around at him, panting and pouting.

Yuuji’s on his knees behind you, chest heaving, sweaty sheen highlighting his tight muscles. He looks dazed and for a moment you wonder if he just came. The beefy cock standing proud on his hips tells you otherwise.

“I want you on top..” he smirks, still using that low commanding tone. He moves the pillows and sits against the headboard.

You can’t help but imagine how hot he would look with his wrists tied up to the posts.

‘Maybe next time’

He pats his inner thigh, beckoning to you. You crawl into his lap and straddle him, hovering your battered pussy over his rod. He takes your chin, but not as forcefully as you thought he would. His other hand lands on your waist. His eyes have less fire in them, but just as much lust.

“I wanna see that pretty face when you cum for me.” He grins and you both sigh as he helps you sink down around his cock. It fills you to the brim yet again, and this time you get to see the look on his face. It’s well worth it.

His head falls back, bitten lips parted, cheeks flushed, brows furrowed. A ray of sunlight hits his face. It’s the first time you really notice how beautiful his eyes are, warm amber gems gleaming under his heavy lids.

You grind your hips and groan at the feeling of his cock stirring up your insides. He catches your head as it falls back and licks up the side of your neck, lacing his fingers into your hair. Your grip the headboard with both hands and work yourself up and down in his lap. He’s so deep inside you.

It’s all just so hot. You can almost feel the steam rising off your bodies. Your head rolls forward and his cock throbs when he sees the pleasure on your face. You press your forehead against his and stare into his soul. Heavy breathing and hot moans fill the room. His lip curls into a grin when you mouth a silent ‘fuck’ at him. He slows your hips and holds you halfway down his shaft. The ‘fuck’ comes out at an audible volume when he starts fucking up into you.

“Say my name..”

“Uugh-oh-Yuuji-yes-“

“Say it again..”

“Oh-fuck-Yuuji-please!”

“That’s my girl..”

His girl.

That’s all you are right now. All you wanna be. His.

The thought tips your scale.

Your hands fly into his hair as the knot inside you finally frays apart and you scream out into the climax.

He pulls you into his body and slams up into you one more time, burying himself inside you as your spasming cunt milks the cum right out of him.

You’re whimpering and jerking in his arms while he pants and holds you down, rutting into you in reflex.

You exchange hushed expletives, finally regaining consciousness as your shared orgasm subsides, still clutching each other. You feel fluid spill out of you when he pulls out.

“Oh, shit” he looks down at the mess he made of you.

“Don’t worry baby..” you reassure him. You’ve had an IUD for over a year.

He cradles you and lifts you from his lap to lay you down beside him. Your body feels sticky, spent, and numb.

He can’t take his eyes off the beautiful flush on your face. You look like an angel. It makes his heart ache.

You’re surprised by the lack of guilt you feel about what you just did. You smile at him. Surely it’ll hit you later, but right now you just don’t care.

That was incredible.

“Yuuji?”

He pushes your hair behind your ear.

“Let’s go take a bath...”

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Joining the taglist

@yelzoldyck @dreamyyholland @obsessedwithhjp @dontyouthinkiknowhoiam @dukina @silverslut @loltartaglia @hoalicious @leviiackermansgirl @pegchamps @candyqueen10