#that was supposed to be an appetite suppressant (and adhd medication)

[sorryiwasasleep]

Personal rant

I started my final year of schooling last week and I’ve already missed 9 out of 11 classes so far. I’m burning up all my unexcused absences and I can’t even bring myself to care at all because I don’t want to be in this program getting this degree and I feel incredibly trapped and overwhelmed. I can’t make myself do the readings. I can’t make myself go to class. I can’t make myself care. I can’t seem to do anything at all but lay in bed. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this for another year. Fuck, I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this even just next week when I no longer can miss class without an excusal. And I can’t drop out anymore cause the deadline for full reimbursement passed, but also that was never a real option for me anyway cause dropping out would also likely mean moving home and that’s just as bad for my brain. Even right now I should be doing my readings for my class that’s at 3:30, but instead I’m typing this. Because I’m sad and I don’t care. But because I didn’t do the readings? I feel like I can’t go to class, so I WON’T which in turn is a problem cause I am using all my skips and I’m missing the first two weeks of class so I’m going to go in SO fucking confused next week probably. Shit shit shit shit fuck.

TW: weight discussion, emetophobia, eating disorder mention (just by name nothing specific), ARFID, depression, anxiety, apathy, mention of American politics

Heavier discussion below

I recently realized (i don’t have a scale in my apt) that I lost about 40 pounds in the span of about 5 months all from a combination of stress/my ADHD medication suppressing my appetite (vyvanse bitch ass doesn’t even work) and stress induced vomited and also vomiting because I treat my body like shit (don’t drink water, cope with unhealthy substances a lil too often, don’t eat anything remotely healthy, barely eat at all anymore if I’m being honest). I knew I’d lost some cause clothes were looser. I thought it was like 10. But no I know how much I weighed in March and it was a full difference of 40 and I know part of this stress and the stress induced vomiting are being caused by school and it’s like… I have another year. Am I just gonna keep wasting away? Something’s gotta give here and I know shit has to change but I have absolutely no drive to actually climb out of the hole I’ve buried myself in. I feel like there’s no point and that even if I crawl out, the world is the same and my family is the same and I’m still in this program and so nothing is actually different anyway. I just wanna let the dirt consume me. I wanna lay in my bed with a sitcom playing mindlessly in the background while I work on my silly little fanfictions until everything just stops except I lay in bed and don’t even do those things but am paralyzed by all the things I should be doing instead that I neglected because I didn’t care and I still don’t care enough to do it, but I feel bad enough to not do anything else either in that time. And I know that’s BAD and that having no motivation for anything is obviously super a ‘ur depression is worse girl’ (hi yea i fucking live inside this stupid head so I already fucking know that. @/my psych and parents). but I keep getting cancelled on or stood up by therapists and my psych has told me three appointments now shit like ‘Well what do you want me to do about?’ (Without even fucking considering something like uhhhhh… idk changing the meds I’m on? Since I’m at the max dose for my anti depressant and I’ve been on it for about half a year and I feel it stagnated because while it seemed to help when I started, now I’m worse? Like, I tell you I feel the worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life and you answer ‘And what do you want me to do?’ YOUR FUCKING JOB? Provide me with my options???? Not be a dick?) And she keeps saying I have to find a therapist because the meds only do so much (I had one but she went on maternity leave in January and then when she came back from it I was too broke to pay every week (which is what my bitch ass brain needs) and then when I wasn’t broke any longer she had ghosted me and she also was my provider for two years and never actually gave me any coping mechanisms so I kinda wanted a new one anyway). The psych did not like when I laughed at her and said “And will you fucking pay for it?” in response the first time she said it even though obviously I know she’s right.

My roommate told me the other day also that I need to get a therapist and that I have to focus my energy into that because she can’t listen to me say the same complaints anymore (she said it nicely, but like I’m crying rn thinking about it and will likely never feel safe to share with her anymore for worry of annoying her.) She also said she doesn’t think I want to help myself. That she wants me to get better and obviously it’s shit what’s happening but that I’m not doing the (what are to her obvious and to me impossible to actually do because of familial enmeshment and financial dependence) things that could maybe make things better. Even though… I AM trying to help myself. Yea it’s not the best I can be doing, but it’s as much as I can fucking manage given my surety that none of this matters and isn’t that worth something? I’ve been looking for a therapist since MAY. They keep standing me up or cancelling or they’re booked or they don’t take my insurance. I had five (5) telehealths where I got stood up. Starting therapy anew is already terrifying but when the person doesn’t show up it just feels like shit. It made me feel like they looked at my paperwork and decided I wasn’t fucked up enough when the reality is yea I held back slightly but that’s because I needed to know the vibes of the place first. That’s not what happened (for at least three appts anyway. The other two ghosted me also after so I never got explanation so maybe it did) but I still felt that way and for someone who already has a lot of problems with imposter syndrome and deep insecurities around being forgotten it really sucked and was incredibly unprofessional of any worker but especially mental health care professionals to do. I have one on Friday. Let’s hope this one doesn’t stand me up 🤞 Also, back to my ungodly amount of rapid weight loss, I did have 40 pounds that could’ve been shed and I am still not what would be consider ‘skinny’ but an average weight, so the worst part of this whole thing is that people are telling me i look GOOD now. Literally it was my MOM. She always implied I’m overweight and need to lose it and pretends like it’s ‘in your best interest honey’ meanwhile I can’t even do the fucking obligations I’m tied to? You think I can fucking do EXTRA? And yea I should use that kickboxing class that I bought, but not to lose weight mother, but because I’m not physically fit in that I cannot go up stairs without getting winded and because I have all the rage in the world (a portion of which goes to her!) and hitting things makes me feel better and it expires soon and was $40 I won’t get back. None of those reasons have to do with my weight, but if I mention I went to that class to her? She’s going to be SO excited on the phone, for all the wrong reasons thinking it’s me trying to get thin, when it’s me trying to get healthy. That is not equivalent to weight loss necessarily, as clearly evidenced here since I lost a shit ton unhealthily. This weekend I got a ‘Do you lose weight? Cause you look great!’ from her. 🫠🙄And i know that people would even more so do that if I do continue on this path of wasting away even though I’m actually unhealthier than I’ve ever been with my eating habits and the weight loss is a result of my depression and anxiety spiraling worse. How about we as a society stop fucking commenting on other peoples weight period full stop. Also it’s SAYING something that I’m the worst ever rn because food and I have always had a weird vibe. I recently learned what ARFID is and I’m fairly confident I’ve had that my entire life and just never had the name for it so that’s certainly something. Anyway idek what the point of this was other than for me to shout into the void because I was sad. If the void wants to shout back and tell me how I’m supposed to function in this life that’d be great cause I didn’t even HIT the state of the world and how that causes half my lack of motivation for anything in this post, but god the American political and legal landscape fill me dread and anxiety and anger and I can never escape them.

TLDR: I’m sad, I can’t bring myself to go to class at all in these first two weeks of classes. I need a therapist but they keep cancelling when I finally get an appointment and find one that accepts my insurance. My psych is kinda bad and my roommate was trying to help but did it in a way that hurt me more. I wanna drop out but can’t and also school is impacting my mental health so severely that I lost an extreme amount of weight in a short amount of time. Got complimented by mom even though I’m literally unhealthy. Separate from that but intertwined, I might have ARFID, possibly for my whole life and I am genuinely SHOCKED it never once was suggested by a medical professional to my parents when I was a child.

[what-dat-ritalin-do]

Introduction

What it says in the description honestly.

Hi, my online name is Hoff but if you're reading this, it's likely you already know me in real life so you know my real-life name too. You guys know who you are (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

I got diagnosed with ADHD at 25 years old after years of knowing something was wrong with me, but without the "correct language" to pinpoint it and as a result, I'm struggling heavily in academics and trying to graduate from university. Funnily enough, the degree I'm trying to graduate with is in Psychology, so as a psych student, I'm taking my own diagnosis as a little pet project of my own and this blog is for anyone else who shares that curiosity.

This blog is for documenting my experiences each time I take my medication to see how well my body reacts to it and whether or not I get any work done. In a way, I'm trying to see if medication is really "enough" to get me going and how much other forms of psychotherapy (eg: talk therapy, CBT, etc) have to work in tandem with it to get me to a level where I can function independently.

I might mention my psychiatrist (Dr. J) and my clinical psychologist (S) throughout my posts. I have been with S for about 16-17 ish weeks now and he helped me get my diagnosis. As of writing this, I've only gone to one session with Dr. J and he gave me my prescription.

Currently, as of writing this post, my dosage is as follows: 3 Tablets of Ritalin (10mg) taken with/after breakfast.

I've been informed that Ritalin is an appetite suppressant so I have to eat something before I take it. I will also be documenting the food I take with the medication to see if it affects my reaction in any way. It's also fast-acting and is supposed to be in effect for about 4 hours so I also include time stamps in my entries to illustrate how differently I might feel before, during, or after taking the medication.

The next couple of posts will be from some time ago because I started off writing my experiences in a journal. However, since my friends are also interested in my progress, I've decided to type them out because my handwriting is terrible, and it's easier to keep track of these experiences on a blogging website like Tumblr than in chat history.

I think that's pretty much all you need to know. This is not going to be a page about spreading awareness and teaching you about psychiatric medication, this is supposed to be a candid record of an actual ADHD client for your own interpretation and reference. In a way, I am writing my own "case study" of sorts.

That said, I hope this blog is as interesting/useful for you as it is for me!

Thanks for reading!! (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

[just-over-it]

Day 4 ~

Bfast: 405

16oz ice dirty chai latte

1/2 peanut butter perfect bar, 1 mandarin

Lunch: 410

Mediterranean shrimp bowl, 1 rice cake, mini avocado

Snack: 125

Trail mix (see pic)

Dinner: 655

1/2 Culver’s strawberry salad, 1 mini Oreo concrete mixer

Total: 1,595

91 over

~

This was a rather strange day! I didn’t expect that 1 of the new meds would be such a strong appetite suppressant. My dr had said it was more mild than other adhd medications in that area, but I suppose it’s all dependent on individual biology as well.

I have mixed feelings on whether this is good or bad, because I have a lot of weight to lose right now, but what about future me? It is definitely something I need to talk to my dr about, because I cannot take this medication while pregnant & since that’s what my husband & I are wanting in the next couple years, I worry about going off of it and having the weight skyrocket back up during pregnancy. Obviously it’s healthy to gain a certain amount or weight for mom & baby but I’m more at risk than non-pcos women for issues like gestational diabetes.

[luckless-bitch]

mmm... Perhaps I judged Pinterest too harshly in the past. It's pretty good for thinspo

[studying-with-adult-adhd]

I’m so happy to have found you! I actually just got diagnosed with adult add (inattentive type). Procrastinating and finishing tasks once they get complicated has been awful for me. I’ll be starting on Vyvance tomorrow. Do you have any advice for being on this medication? I know I need to watch my bp and avoid/limit alcohol. I read that caffeine and vitamin c can also interfere with the medication too...I’d really appreciate any tips or info that you can share! Thanks 💗

Okay hi nonny! I'm sorry it took me a bit here and that you've already started your meds.

Please keep in mind I'm not a doctor and if you have any concerns about what to look for on the medication, you should speak to your medical professional and a pharmacist.

That being said, I only have to watch my blood pressure closely because I already had high BP. I am also at a higher risk for heart issues and BP issues because of my weight, diet, and family history. My dad has an enlarged heart, super high BP, and type 2 diabetes. My maternal Grandpa has high BP and had a mini stroke not too long ago. My dad is also adopted and we know nothing about his birth family or their medical history so there are lots of factors playing into it.

Unless you are at a high risk or already have issues with your BP, I wouldn't just go out and buy a BP machine. Just check it at your pharmacy once in a while and keep a journal.

As for the alcohol, it doesn't really affect the medication, however you might feel that the alcohol hits you faster. I wasn't a light weight before starting the meds, and now, I can't have one drink without feeling it.

The things about caffeine and vitamin C are bullshit. The only thing that Caffeine could possibly, is make you shaky and anxious. It's the same as usual with the caffeine. I drink energy drinks a lot and they don't interact with the medications. Again, ask your pharmacist too just to be sure!

When it comes to the vitamin C, most of the time people are talking about the citric acid in it. A lot of times, the citric acid can cancel out some medications. This is seen commonly in the birth control pills, as well as plan B.

Personally, I haven't found an issue with that yet but I also don't drink a lot of juice. I would ask your doctor or pharmacist just to be on the safe side though.

Now, where I am the highest dose is 70mg once per day. I am on 60mg once per day. I will tell you to NEVER stop this medication cold turkey. It is an amphetamine and can cause withdrawal symptoms if stopped suddenly.

As for other side effects there are a few. Some get worse with higher doses, and keep in mind that you might have a different experience than me.

For me, dry mouth is a huge thing. Drink lots of water (or liquids in general, yes even pop or coffee, not alcohol though). There is also mouthwash that you can get that helps with dry mouth if you feel it is bad enough.

Another one is the appetite suppression. Vyvanse can also be used to treat Binge Eating Disorder. I find that once my medication kicks in, I don't feel hunger. I try to eat right after I take my meds or at some point about halfway through the day. I also snack a lot. I eat when I'm bored or emotional so, for me, it's a blessing. I reccomend keeping easy snacks with you at all times. I like fruit snacks. Or nuts. Then I can just open and go, no waiting and I keep some in my bags as well as at my desk at home and in my cupboards.

I also have a hard time sleeping. I have found that if I take my meds too late, I am up forever. Try to take your meds at the same time every day, though you can change it around if need be. For instance, my psychiatrist told me that if I had school one day, which started at 4:30pm, I could take my meds at whatever time I felt it necessary to last the entire 3 hour class. Then if I had a psych appointment in the morning the next day, it was safe for me to take the meds earlier.

Vyvanse only lasts 24hours in your body. It is a medication that can be metabolised fairly quickly. You should feel almost instant effects, after giving it about an hour or so to kick in. Now, your dose might have to be changed but that's okay.

The other thing that I experience is the crash at the end of the day. I crash hard off my meds. It puts me in a bad mood and I get really emotional and tired and bitchy. I find it harder to control my emotions for at least an hour or so after I start coming down from the meds. I just like to sit and play a game or talk if needed. My boyfriend is amazing and will just kinda leave me alone once he realizes that I'm coming down.

If this is your first time taking meds for AD(H)D, don't get discouraged if it doesn't work for you. There are many different medications and even ones that aren't stimulants. Please also keep in mind that meds aren't meant to be a permanent fix. They are supposed to allow your brain to find some calm to hopefully help you be able to come up with systems and coping mechanisms that work for you. Although, if you end up being on meds for a long time, don't be ashamed about that either.

And if anyone ever tells you that you shouldn't need meds, or that the meds turn you into a zombie or zap you of your personality, hit them. Okay, don't do that but ya know. If meds do that to a person, they usually aren't working for what it is meant to.

My psychiatrist also told me that if I felt euphoric and high on these meds, that I more than likely didn't have ADHD. Again, keep a journal of symptoms and experiences you have. Even good ones! That way you can also track your progress.

Good luck my dear!

[windandwater]

so I started adderall and hoo boy. lemme tell you. what a wild feeling, in so many ways, but especially right now where I’m like “I’m not doing anything shouldn’t I be panicking” and my brain is like “no. you have a lot to do. but you’ve also been working really hard. so it’s okay to take a break for a few minutes” and I BELIEVE MYSELF??

WOW

anyway here’s some stuff under the cut about it because I can’t believe how well this is working out.

background: I’m hypoglycemic. one big reason I decided to do this was, I was having this issue where I get depressed if I don’t eat sugar. I was eating sugar to feel joy. I am at risk for diabetes but even if I wasn’t this is not...great. I’ve always had to watch my blood sugar and I’ve always been careful about what I eat but in recent years, the amount of actual dessert/candy I eat has gotten mildly out of control and my doctors have told me to watch my sugar and I just...wasn’t able to.

one of my coworkers who is also not-neurotypical and as such knows her shit, told me that this whole “sugar to feel joy” thing is an ADHD symptom. I knew I had ADHD (I’d been diagnosed in high school) but wasn’t being treated for it, but had never been told this was a symptom, and at that point I was like, you know what, fuck this, I can’t get my health under control on my own if I’m not being treated for my mental health as well. I’m talking to my psychiatrist about this.

so I did. enter adderall. and now I wanna talk about it because it’s been FASCINATING and I am all about brain medication when you need it. so here goes!

also I live-tweeted my first 24 hours on adderall because it was SO WILD and I’m so glad I did even though I have three (3) followers, more on that in a minute

(me: I can’t tell if it’s working, it’s supposed to kick in in 30 minutes but--wait I think my brain just went bOOP

coworker: is bOOP good?

me: it’s WEIRD)

the good

Y’ALL THE SUGAR THING WORKED IMMEDIATELY. oh my god I was stunned. absolutely stunned. I still absolutely have a sweet tooth and enjoy eating sweets but I can eat a normal amount, at normal times, and not because I need to feel something. it’s because I want to eat something sweet. I can’t believe in 24 hours I went from complete inability to control myself to just...not having to. brains!! who knew!!!

I focused on an entire conversation the entire time. the entire time. I was even very stressed because my blood sugar was low and I needed to eat, but I was able to put that aside because I knew I could deal with it when the conversation was over! WHAT THE HELL!

since then it hasn’t been that easy because conversations are, quite frankly, often very boring, especially for work. but it’s easier to focus when I need to, and not zone out halfway through or have to do something else in order to focus. or start stressing/thinking about other shit that doesn’t matter. I can listen to what people are saying!!! for an hour! it’s crazy!!!

I wasn’t tired all day! this is also part of the bad. you’ll see.

I feel more in control of my days now, and less like time is speeding by at a rate I don’t and can’t comprehend. I’ve gotten fairly good at planning out and prioritizing my time anyway, but now it’s like...better. and easier.

executive function is online, and as I alluded to, no more self-guilt-tripping if it takes me a minute to get to things. they’ll still get done! it’s okay! if I don’t do something right away I will still do the thing! I have years of experience parceling tasks into small pieces so I do them, but less so with not still getting on my own case about not doing them right away.

if I don’t have music or a podcast playing at all times, I can still focus on work. it’s still pretty nice, it’s just not absolutely necessary. this is throwing me off hardcore but it’s kind of nice to be able to be in silence occasionally.

I can still multitask but if I’m NOT multitasking I don’t feel like I’m going insane, and also, I don’t feel like my brain is hanging by a thread at all times that might break and cause everything to explode.

a tweet I made: “I was researching something and when I got frustrated I kept at it and didn't have to go take a break to do something equally frustrating and pinball back and forth between them until they both got done. I might have just been weaponized? “

it’s true. researching/looking stuff up is one of my skillsets and...I’ve been weaponized.

the bad

my appetite is allll fucked up. we’re adjusting the type of medication I’m on to try and mitigate this but wow it’s an appetite suppressant and wow that’s not okay when you’re hypoglycemic and have to keep your blood sugar up.

my sleep is also fucked up. anxiety keeps me from falling asleep and I’d gotten to a good place re: falling asleep at night. however I was also in a very bad place re: sleeping constantly (sleep apnea? quarantine depression? who knows!). but waking up constantly during the night ain’t the solution, chief. so we’re also adjusting to see if we can do something about that.

regarding that: the first night, I literally just did not get tired. it was very upsetting. if I hadn’t tweeted about it I would’ve had an out and out panic attack, but one of my friends talked me off the ledge, telling me she had the same experience when she first went on it. I was not warned and I wish I had been. I was still able to sleep (she wasn’t, when it happened to her) but hoo boy. no thank you.

pharmacies like to babysit you when you’re on controlled substances. ugh.

more shit to keep track of. ughhhhhhhhhhhh

unfortunately, I had a hard time finding mainstream resources for this stuff online. I’ve read a lot from tumblr and heard from other people’s experiences, but when I went looking for, say, information on adderall & sleep...a lot of it is related to addiction. I had a similar problem with ADHD & sleep: I wanted to know more about whether ADHD can make you really tired like I was, or whether it was just an insomnia type of thing, and there just wasn’t a lot out there. this isn’t really a problem with the drug, but like...it’s a pain when you really want to learn more about something, aren’t in a place to talk to your doctor yet, and are just left to the wind with the mainstream internet assuming you’re abusing a substance.

definitely also felt like I had to lay the groundwork with my doctor...I had been planning to talk to her about this for a while, so I mentioned my ADHD diagnosis early on so I could bring it up at some point and not just out of the blue ask her for meth. this stuff is hard.

(not making a statement of any kind of recreational drug use/addiction, just...I hate the US medical system. a lot. everybody loses.)

so that’s how it’s going! sorry for the long post, but I did want to document this somewhere besides twitter, and maybe some of y’all are interested.

oh also, my other favorite thing that happened is my doctor said to try to keep track of when I take the medication and it wears off, and I literally told her that that would also be a good marker of whether or not it’s doing its job, because in my natural state I literally cannot remember to do that, with anything, ever. and I did! I managed! WILD

anyway end the stigma. ♥️

[turtle-to-eternity]

Medicated Again

I finally went back to the doctor this morning~! I don't know why but I'm always super anxious about it. Maybe because the medication is so important to me, and these appointments are always at least a whole month apart. I worry things will go wrong.

The nurse, Tasha, was very nice and despite being unmedicated I think I did very well interacting with her. I did some unprompted sharing about my daily experience with untreated ADHD, like how just getting up and grabbing some water takes hours to do even if I'm parched. I even told her how my sleep schedule has been completely destroyed because I can't sleep OR get up when I'm supposed to.

I did get a big scare when the nurse said my heart rate was 108, and she looked at me real sideways about it. I lied and said I drank a bunch of coffee right before I came in. I had 3 cups during my shift the previous night, and the last one had been a whole 4 hours before the appointment.

She still seemed suspicious, so I told her about my social anxiety and how I'm always nervous in these situations. That calmed things down and she shared with me about her young son's shyness, and his avoidant antics that sounded similar to mine at that age.

Anyway the doctor talked with me about my experience on Adderall, doubled my anti-anxiety/antidepressant dosage, and switched me from 30mg Adderall XR to 40mg Vyvanse.

The Adderall's effect on me was both significant, and subtle. I was clearly far from my maximum effective dosage, as my appetite was barely suppressed and I didn't get increased anxiety or moodiness while medicated. In fact I'm more anxious and grumpy unmedicated.

But, I didn't like how quickly the Adderall XR went away, or the unevenness of it's effect. One minute I'd be surfing YouTube, the other I'd be rushing chores and cleaning the whole camper.

Hopefully this Vyvanse will work better and longer. The doctor gave me a coupon for my first month's supply free, so that was good. We'll see if it's worth the price next month.

[candle-jill]

10 days post op!

Just a rambling post about my breast reduction - trying to vent out my feelings about everything. The first week was SUCH a blur, it's crazy. I thought for sure I could chill and watch movies (mark off some from my Hader list - by the way - I only have 40/225!!!). Turns out my brain was broken after surgery. Partially from anesthesia but also partially because I wasn't taking my adderall. I know stimulants can cause issues with circulation and I was not about to be even more paranoid about losing my nips.

But the last two days I've been taking my adderall and I've been feeling so much better. I don't even want to think about my brain fog just being the way my head works without adderall - that thought is terrifying.

ANYWAY

2 lbs of boob meat gone.

I weighed 150 lbs today and I was so excited. Initially back in Feb/March when I started treatment for ADHD I was 172 lbs and I had 155 lbs as my "goal" weight that I'd be pretty happy with. 145 lbs was my "Wow! That would be totally amazing but I'm not holding my breath!" weight. And to think I'm 5 lbs away from that is just crazy to me. It's been a long journey to get here and adderall definitely helped a LOT, but it wasn't all appetite suppression - I'm a really picky eater and I don't like most food, but a lot of my calories were coming from candy and junk food because I needed the dopamine hit that my ADHD brain wasn't giving me. On a stimulant I don't even think about sugar or junk food (until the med wears off). I cut so many calories because I wasn't craving a dopamine hit. The appetite suppressant aspect helped a lot too, especially in the beginning, but now "food wise" I'm probably eating the same I always was.

The extra 2 lbs of boob meat helped push me closer to dipping into the 140s (SO CLOSE!) which makes me want to cry happy tears. I just feel like getting my body back to pre-kids has been such a long journey. Being on medication to make me feel like I'm finally functioning how I'm SUPPOSED to makes me want to cry happy tears. Having a body without large breasts constantly LITTERALLY weighing me down, causing me pain, makes me want to cry happy tears.

Like... I'm 10 days post-op and I know I have a long healing journey yet... but I'm thinking about all the things I'll be able to do now and I feel so much hope and excitement for my future. Any activity with my kids was laced with the underlying negotiation of, "Can I handle the pain of this today?" PHYSICAL pain (also the general 'pain in the ass' dealing with kids is 😂).

I'm wearing the tiniest little "bra" - I have incisions all around my chest - BUT I can MOVE. I'm exhausted from surgery still so I'm not doing much, but I'll have the ability to do it! It's fucking wild. Not to mention... my boobs fucking look awesome! I've never liked my boobs (I wasn't insecure but wasn't happy). But now? They're going to look so good when they heal! They are small... they are SO SMALL. They are WAY smaller than I really wanted or smaller than what I think looks good for the way I carry my weight (all in my stomach). But they're symmetrical and the nips have the perfect placement (a lot of reductions have them too high), they look natural... like... he did a fucking amazing job. I've been feeling a bit gaslighted about the size of my boobs from some people. A lot of people have said that it's just because I went from such a large size to being small. No. No, my friend. That is not the case here. I'm a very objective person. I gots some small boobies now. They're a step up from pecs. Optimistically, they're slightly bigger than what they do for a NB reduction... although, I've seen results of NB reductions at my size too. I don't really appreciate people telling me they're not small to assuage my fears. I'm not in a place where I regret having it done. I'm not in a place where I'm in love with the size. I appreciate the positives that come with having small boobs and I'm going to try to use that as motivation to get the rest of my body to look how I want it (ie stomach). My truly ideal, very very very happy goal weight would be 135 lbs. (120 lbs in a crazy fantasy land). My goal is to start exercising around January once I'm more properly healed (maybe New Year Resolution). To think that's even remotely within range... mind blown. I just want to be in shape and I want to feel good and comfortable with what I'm wearing. I want clothes to fit me. I'm looking forward to life for the first time in a LONG time!

[springboardalcoholdrugrehab82]

What Are The 10 Most Addictive Substances?

What  Are The 10 Most  Addictive Substances?

Researchers published a study in the medical journal The Lancet examined 20 substances to determined their potential harm. The parameter were divided into three groups: physical harm, psychological dependence, and social harm. These were the 10 substances that were most addictive on earth based on results from the dependence category.

 Several determining factors were considered when evaluating dependence, including intensity of pleasure, psychological dependence. Most commonly, high-addictive drugs are abused because of their positive results and subsequent euphoria. Physical dependence is characterized by increased tolerance, craving, and withdrawal symptoms, while psychological dependence occurs when a person repeatedly uses a drug, fear stopping, and suffer negative consequences.

Listed below, you will see where each drug ranks based on its dependence.

1.Heroin

Heroin is an opioid substances derived from Morphine. With 3*00 as its mean score ,it had the greater degree of dependence. Furthermore, it ranked highest in the two categories as will. The euphoria that heroin users experience after injecting, snorting, or smoking the drugs is intense. A user  will need to keep increasing the dose of heroin to achieve the same effect since Heroin develops a tolerances quickly. People who use the drug continue to use it because their withdrawal symptoms are very uncomfortable. Withdrawal symptoms typically include severe muscle spasms, bone pain, diarrhea, and vomiting, as well as restlessness, cold flashes, and uncontrollable leg movements. The long-term effect of Opioid addictions can actually cause the loss of white in the brain, which to detrimental to decision-making and behavioral control.

2. Cocaine

Cocaine came in second with a score of 2.39. This white powdery stimulant is usually though the nose and is made from the leaves of the coca plant. The drug dealers typically through with other substances such as cornstarch, talcum powder, or flour to increase profitability. Additionally, it is very common for  to dealers to combine Cocaine with drugs such as Fentanyl, thereby greatly increasing the risk of overdose. Dopamine increases in the brain when is consumed, and frequent use reduces communications between nerves cells. As a result, your brain becomes less sensitive to dopamine, and so you need to consume more of it in order to feel happy. Withdrawal symptoms such as depression, insomnia, fatigue, and slowed thinking can occur when someone stops using cocaine. Snorting cocaine can cause users to lose their sense of smell, nosebleeds, runny noses, and difficulty swallowing. A person who consumes the drug may suffer from severe bowel problems.

3. Tobacco

Among the reason for the popularity of tobacco in different part of the world has to do with its addictive nature. Some may find it shocking that this substance holds third place of the list because its dependence score is 2*22. Cigarette leaves contain nicotine, which is what drives people to become addictive. The most common usage for cigarettes is smoking, although pipes, cigars, and dip are also popular. Symptoms of withdrawal begin a strong craving for tobacco, followed by irritability, trouble sleeping, difficult paying attention, and an increased appetite for food.

4.Street Methadone

Though Methadone is supposed to help addicts of heroin and narcotic painkillers control cravings, its still misused frequently. Based on the factor affecting dependence, its scored low on pleasure, but a strong score for psychological dependence and physical dependence with a 2*08 average. This medication comes in tablets, oral solutions, or injectable liquid forms. As a outlined by the Department of Justice, the street names of its offender are amidone, chocolate chips cookies, fizzies, Maria, pastora, and salvia, and water. There are withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, muscle tremor, nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, and abdominal cramps

5.Barbiturates

There was an average dependence score of 2*01 for barbiturate, which are depressive drugs. There are  many different variety of central nervous system depression caused by the drugs, from mild sedation to coma. These drugs are often taken a pills but are also abused by injecting them into the body. In general, there are a number of types, but there are some common generic name: amobarbital, pentobarbital, phenobarbital, secobarbital, and toluene. The effect of these drugs include mild euphoria, a lack inhibition, anxiety relief, and sleepiness. Seizure, dizziness, anxiety, insomnia, and psychosis are some of the withdrawal symptoms that can start as soon as two days after discontinuing use. Hypothermia, circulatory failure, and death are possible side  effects of barbiturate if they are not treated.

6.Alcohol 

The most commonly used psychoactive substance in America is alcohol. In the US, there are more than 86% of adults who consume alcohol, and more 14 million adult have alcohol use disorder. Despite ranking sixth on the most addictive substances, alcohol has a score of 1.93. The majority of people consume alcohol to celebrate or relax, which makes sense since it ranks high in the pleasure category. Drinking too much alcohol however can lead to a variety of problems, including high blood pressure, alcohol poisoning, stroke, memory loss, depression, and anxiety. Delirium tremens, a potentially fatal condition when induce by withdrawal from alcohol, is a common consequence of alcoholism. Symptoms such as tremors, hallucinations, and seizures are also horrifying that need to be watched out for.

7. Benzodiazepines

Benzodiazepines (Benzos) are some of the most commonly prescribed medications in the United States. They help reduce anxiety and seizures, relax muscles, and help users sleep. They also have the potential to be abused because of their addictive properties and have a dependence score of 1*83. You can find Benzos in items such as Xanax, Valium, and Restoril. The first one to four days after discontinuing use of Benzos may be characterized by insomnia and feelings of anxiety. Following the withdrawal period, people may experience anxiety attacks, sleep disturbances, dry retching, nausea, headaches, muscular pain, and stiffness among a host of other unpleasant symptoms, for the next 10-14 days without the drug. There are some situation in which benzo withdrawal can be fatal, therefore medical supervision is required.

8.Amphetamine

Amphetamine are stimulant drugs that treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder(ADHD) and narcolepsy and rank eight on the list of addictive substance, with a mean score of 1.67. Amphetamine, such as Meth, are sometimes combined with caffeine, sugar, or a blinding agent. They are consumed by using various methods, including smoking, snorting, cutting, or injecting. Users may feel energized, confident, happy, and with increased sex drive the moment they consume the drug. Similarly, it also cause dry mouth as well as teeth grinding, and it increase heart rate. When a person stops taking drugs for a month, withdraw3al symptoms usually go away. Dreams, insomnia, aches and pains, exhaustion, depression, paranoia,  confusion, and irritability are just a few of the symptoms.

9. Buprenorphine

Researchers are seeking ways to counter the Opioid epidemic by finding drugs such as buprenorphine to counter addictions. By suppressing Opioid withdrawal, reducing craving for Opioids, and blocking other opioid effects, this drug is meant to help with the symptoms of withdrawal.. Nevertheless., it still creates a sense of euphoria and sedation in the users, especially if they are not people addicted to opioids. Due to the similarity between it and opioids, Buprenorphine has a mean score of 6.4.

10. Cannabis

It’s no surprise that the last substance on the list of the 10 most addictive substances is one that is familiar to most people. Cannabis is a generic tern for all products derived from the Cannabis sativa and Cannabis indica plants, more commonly known as Marijuana. The use of medical marijuana can provide pain relief for those with chronic pain, nerve pain, and multiple sclerosis. In addition, Harvard Health reports that it can treat glaucoma and lessen tremors in Parkinson’s disease. Despite ending the list with a score 1*51, is it really addictive?

Over 30% of marijuana users show symptoms of a marijuana use disorder, which is usually associated with dependence. There are many withdrawal symptoms, including physical discomfort, decreased appetite, mood and sleep disturbances, craving, and restlessness. It is estimated that individuals who first use marijuana before the age of 18 have up to a 7-fold higher risk of developing marijuana use disorders.

Get Help Now!

It is important to know that there are successful treatment available if you or someone you know has been exposed to any of the substances on this list. to find out more about the options available to you, speak to an addiction provider today.

You can contact us or visit us https://www.springboardrecovery.com/

[tmitransitioning]

I've been on t for almost 6 months and also started taking adhd medication (ritalin) within the last month, there are some claims that taking stimulant medications can slow puberty and i was wondering if there was any truth to that. i don't think there's substantial evidence and i need to take medication daily in order to function properly, but i also don't want to slow the changes from t. most of the evidence is about slowing height which probs wont change at 19 anyway but some say puberty too

There isn’t solid evidence on whether or not this actually happens in people undergoing natal puberty—you’re right that most of the extant evidence is about height/weight (the rest is testicle size in monkeys), which doesn’t necessarily relate to physical maturation. Even the most specific/recent study that I’m aware of says that “[d]espite slower growth on treatment [...] the patients showed no significant maturational delay”, referring to physical maturation measured via bone age.

It’s kind of misleading wording, because height and weight are used for a long time in children as predictors of growth, so a mismatch is seen as concerning—a nine-year-old who’s five foot three is getting very tall very fast and may (or may not) be hormonally atypical; a two-month-old who hasn’t gained significant weight over the past few weeks is likely in immediate danger. For older children especially, height is mediated by hormonal signalling; this is why you get taller during natal puberty. The thinking here, in respect to stimulants, is that appetite suppression -> less available energy for puberty -> delayed hormone signalling and/or slower physical growth. But this doesn’t actually bear out in practice—height tends to take longer, but the meds wouldn’t keep your growth plates from fusing into adulthood.

There’s also the point that this body of evidence (not just this solo study) is employing some Questionable research—for example, while Poulton et al. above say this:

Another recent study has shown a delay in the pubertal growth spurt that correlated with the duration of stimulant treatment (Harstad et al., 2014). These findings are consistent with a deceleration in the rate of physical maturation during puberty and later catch-up growth.

... the actual referenced study measures its ‘delay’ by comparing “how long the kid’s been on meds” with “how old they were when they hit their fastest rate of height growth”, and while it does come out with a positive and statistically significant correlation, it’s a correlation of only +.21, which is objectively small and may not have any practical significance at all. Harstad et al. point that out, too, concluding that they don’t have evidence to support an association, so I’m not sure what the heck the above quoted paragraph is on about. A small correlation is not necessarily nothing, but it casts doubt on the practical significance—that number means that only about twenty percent of variation in tallest age could be predicted from length of time on meds. Again, that’s not nothing, but it’s not a lot either; it leaves a solid eighty percent to be up to class, family dynamics, food access, stress, etc.

(Also I’m cranky because I think they’re using Pearson’s chi-squared test, but then they compare children’s growth to their siblings, and you’re not supposed to do that with this test, but I’m not positive I’m right on that so don’t send me angry anons.)

There’s also the consideration that your growth plates, the growing ends of long bones that give you height, are usually fused by age 19. This is why we tell people that it’s unlikely you’ll gain any height if you go on testosterone after natal puberty; it’s possible, either from luck of timing or muscle strength straightening your back, but it’s rare. So height alone probably won’t be affected for you at this point.

Energy deficit can be a legitimate concern—you need food to grow hair and build muscle on T, and stimulant appetite suppression is a bastard. Ritalin is slightly better in this regard than amphetamines usually are, but it’s worth making sure that you aren’t using the suppression as an opportunity to skip meals or undereat, if that’s something you’ve been historically prone to. (This isn’t a moral judgement; I have this issue on Vyvanse.) Unless you are in such an enormous energy deficit as to be in danger, e.g. if you have extreme weight loss associated with anorexia, you can’t really ‘turn off’ the effects of HRT. You’d more likely be really tired and struggling more physically than you need to be.

TL;DR: You’re unlikely to get taller, and while ADHD meds can definitely suppress appetite this isn’t likely to have a major impact on HRT for you; the idea that ADHD meds “delay puberty” has been misconstrued by pop psych and there isn’t strong evidence to support that they actually delay maturation. You’re probably fine, but if Ritalin isn’t working for you it’s okay to ask to switch to a different med to see if it fits better.

- Mod Wolf

[softgrungeprophet]

i wish i could make comics but i've tried so many times and you know like, after a while you give up lol

sometimes i wonder if things would be different if i had gotten some kind of childhood diagnosis or if i was medicated or if they would be worse or the same or what. i'm kind of scared of medication though because besides not being able to take pills (they do make gummies tho) i don't want to like... take something that suppresses my appetite because after last winter i already keep losing weight and i can’t gain it back for more than a few weeks, ever

i mean i’m over 100 but not by a lot

tHE POINT IS

i tried a lot and managed to do something like once and then failed a bunch and i gave up for a while and the fact of the matter is that because of that i am extremely behind the curve and like, can’t draw backgrounds particularly at all and have trouble making anything more than a few pages long, and i have no discipline

erhgh

i read that guide about adhd and comics or whatever it was and it was nice and made me... cry a bunch but ultimately it didn’t really help me simply because what works for them doesn’t work for me.... unfortunately lol. but it did make me get a bit more of why it’s so hard for me to stick to new things--kind of helped me like, think about how starting small is best, which of course, no one ever told me because you’re supposed to just be able to do things. like, “just start flossing” and big surprise i have failed at that for my entire life and no one ever thought to say, “x can’t replace this but it can help if you can’t do it”

like

no one ever says those things!!!!! they just go, “x isn’t good enough, you need to do y, so i’m not even gonna offer anything else as an option”

not just the dentist lol

this has nothing to do with comics anymore...

whatever..... shit’s hard and i get distracted too easily or on the flip side spend 6 hours doing one thing and forgetting to eat

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Journal #4

Prev | Next

I have successfully been Officially Diagnosed As ADHD (as well as depression and general anxiety disorder... not that those were ever in question either). This allows me to have some accommodations if/when I return to school and allows me to start trying medications to see if they help. I’ve been prescribed Adderall. I haven’t... I haven’t actually gotten it yet because of the hoops I’m being made to jump through for insurance to actually pay for it, but yeah, I do have the prescription lol.

One teensy eensy problem though: I weigh 425 lbs and my heatrate stays at around 90-100bpm. My blood pressure stays pretty elevated as well. This is a problem because stimulants (the primary treatment for ADHD) also stress the cardiovascular system. I’ve been told it’s possible I have sleep apnea, like my mother, but that if I do, that as well as many other health issues would wane if I lost some weight. From my chronic pain to poor sleep to etc etc, you get the gist. I don’t disagree! The problem is just... I have always had such a massive problem with food. Between depression, anxiety, AND ADHD, like... yeah. Whenever I was upset, my go-to thing to help myself feel better was food!

So... I’ve been slowly trying to unpack that. It’s very difficult, and because I’m used to eating so much every day... it’s hard to cut back to a ‘normal’ amount of calories a day.

That being said, I’ve started to eat 660cal/meal, 3 meals a day. I only buy a week’s worth of food at a time so I have a much harder time binge eating anything practically (I have to go buy more food if I do. that’s inconvenient and costs extra money. tends to keep me from doing it). I was also prescribed an appetite suppressant a few months back (though I’ll admit it really doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything at all). But, between that and the ADHD meds, I’m hoping I’ll see a significant decline in hunger as time goes on.

I did also buy some sports bras and a bathing suit that actually fits me so I can try visiting the YMCA my parents signed me up for some more. (They just kind of... did that, one day. And told me. I don’t really care for the YMCA and I am atheist through and through, but hey, free to me gym is free to me gym.) I was facing extreme anxiety and dysphoria trying to visit it before since I didn’t have any sports bras or any ideas what to do with my chest. I still don’t entirely know if I’ll be comfortable enough to swim there, but I suppose it’s something I can try at some point.

D**rD*shing for $60/day, 6 days/wk is proving to be a lot more manageable than $114/day, 4 days/wk like I was doing before. In theory, the old system gave me more income... but it would strain me so bad that I rarely actually made $114/day, 4 days/wk. I usually topped out at $300/wk. But as I’m consistently capable of doing $60/day, 6 days a week, I’m taking home a pretty reliable $360 (or more, since I often take an extra delivery or two past my goal if I feel I can handle it. So, I’d say it’s probably closer to $400/wk!). I now have $996 in my savings and $298 in my checking. Unheard of for me!

Along with the sports bras and bathing suit I got the other day, I also got a masculine shirt and pants, as well as a pair of pants I know will fit me for certain. I don’t really have any masculinizing clothes mostly because finding any in my size is impossible, but I found some that seemed like they should fit. If they don’t I can always return them, but I hope they do fit. It would be so nice to have some more masculine clothes to wear! I miss strangers calling me ‘mister’ and ‘sir.’

...I’ve also been offered to move back into my parents’ home, except I’d be staying in the garage. So I’d essentially have my own apartment, save for the bathroom (which I’d have to go into the house to use). My parents - namely, my father - were terribly abusive to me, though. That being said.. living with my grandmother is a legal NIGHTMARE when it comes to school, jobs, etc. She’s technically a dependent of someone else as am I and it gets so complicated and annoying to work out... And tbh, having the entire garage to myself WOULD be really nice. As cautious as I feel about it... I want to make it work. I just... I want my own space, man. Even if it’s just a garage.

I’ve also had a few more writing ideas. Hmm. Really not sure what to do about that though. Between working, preparing for move to the garage, and just taking time to relax and take care of myself, I don’t have a lot of time left in the day where I feel like writing.

But I’m going to try to finish a new Hidden Grottos oneshot, the next chapter of Red, and the next chapter of Ultra Sun soon to tide over readers on AO3 and FFN. The original story ideas I’ll need to scribble down somewhere so that I can write more on them when I have the energy.

[nomisong]

are you on any medications that might suppress your appetite? it’s a side effect for a lot of them and it’s not always stated anywhere. ADHD meds and i think antidepressants are big ones that do it. also if you’re not used to eating in the morning that could be why too. your body adjusts to the things you do to it so if you don’t eat much to begin with it’s not gonna get hungry as much or you just won’t feel it

i’m on a 2 mood stabilizers and one is actually supposed to increase your appetite, so i think it’s unrelated. and yeah i thought the not being hungry in the morning thing might be cause of habit, i’m glad someone else thinks that! my appetite has actually been a little better the past few months, i still get some days where i don’t really feel hungry all day but most days i get at least a little hungry (and usually every 4:45-5 hours). i think my digestive system might be fucky about that cause i have chronic stomach problems. it used to be that i only got hungry like once a week or less so i welcome new hunger lol.

[nicolekidmanwigfactory]

ok, so listen to the shit my psychiatrist told me yesterday because IT. IS. JUICY. (TW: eating disorders)

i need to vent but here’s a read more in case you wanna skip this because this is LOOOOOONG

i was describing to her how i’m currently pricing out personal trainers to help me start exercising again in a healthy, non-disordered way because the last three times (in the past 18-24 months or so) that I tried to start working out again, I found myself spiraling and getting overly anxious or unrealistic about my goals, so i’d either overexercise, restrict, and/or purge.

as i described the height of my exercise compulsion-- highest intensity elliptical for 60 minutes or 2000 calories burned (whichever came second) every single day, no exception (Sundays were my off day and I relished them)-- from seven years ago, which was worse than the actual bulimia at times, she just cut me off and said an hour a day wasn’t too bad, ignoring 1. the 2000 calories thing, 2. that i weighed about 130lbs less I do now, and 3. i was either severely restricting or compensating for binge behaviors from voracious appetite swings 4. caused by hormonal fluctuations 5. due to then-undiagnosed thyroid cancer.

BUT WAIT. THERE’S MORE. then she laid into my dietitian and said eating disorder dietitians in general are overly focused on “making sure their patients are comfortable eating” instead of losing weight (if they're ones who need to, of course). ummm...getting me less regimented in my eating is the fucking point. i’d eat something i wasn’t “supposed” to and then purge it somehow (exercise, vomit, restriction, etc.). <-- that’s the fucking basics of the fucking disorder, and that’s not even explicitly mentioning the mental illness aspect.

again, she told ME, A LONG-DIAGNOSED, DEPRESSED GRADUATE STUDENT WITH A HISTORY OF TREATMENT FOR BULIMIA AND OTHER EATING DISORDERS that i need to lose weight. Yes, i know that. does she really think i don’t know that? i wear my clothes and look in the mirror and have been in eating disorder treatment for the past five fucking years. what makes her think this is news to me? does she not think i don’t remember how I bust my ass off to healthily lose 100 pounds in college, and then gained it all back (and then some) in FOUR FUCKING MONTHS when my bulimia turned into binge eating disorder and my EATING-DISORDER AND QUASI-SUICIDAL MIND tricked myself into thinking this was the healthier option?! BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL REMEMBER. she does have the point that my weight is not healthy in the long-term (of course i know that), but neither is a fucking depression and any kind of eating disorder.

i WANT to lose weight but my dietitian agreed to work with me on the condition that my focus COULD NOT be on losing weight (she was gonna work with me no matter what, but she’s a genius with how she approaches her clients) until my eating patterns were stable and the frequency of my disordered behaviors dropped dramatically (which they have- i’ve only purged ONCE in the past year. My binges are not just far and in between but also much smaller and cheaper than they used to be). so if she’s gonna come after my dietitian, this psychiatrist is also coming after me because i would not be where i am without her (+ my therapist).

okay, i did expect some of this coming into the appointment though, so i did subject myself to this a little. she said some of this stuff in october at the first appointment i had with her but i was able to talk back against it in my head and discuss it with my therapist and i didn’t think about it again for a couple weeks. but the shit she was saying yesterday was just so much more inappropriate and insensitive that I only tolerate it for the refills on my meds.

i’m not saying she’s an awful psychiatrist. i just feel she needs to work on her bedside manner, or at least with her overweight eating disordered patients (because we already feel pretty shitty about that, and you don’t even need to have an eating disorder to feel that) or she needs more training in eating disorder treatment protocol. at one point in both appointments, she implied with the subtlety of a sledgehammer that it won’t be possible for me to have good self-esteem at my current size and weight, which completely defeats the point of body positivity and loving yourself at any size (FYI: Loving yourself at any size ≠ pro-obesity. Anyone who says otherwise is looking for a socially acceptable way to hate on fat people. The key word is “any.”).

All this said, she is a capable clinician. the medication regimen she has me on is working beautifully. my depression is so much more stable and the highs and lows of my mood are more like speed bumps and potholes than the mountains and ocean trenches of before. my anxiety is under much better control too (though a lot of that is because of the strategies I’ve been working on with my wonderful therapist) and the anxiety is also more situational. after all, i did go a gay bar by myself last weekend for the first time ever (it was at 2:00 on a Sunday afternoon, but i still did it despite the anxiety!). 

I am also so appreciative of her ADHD diagnosis. I was apprehensive at first because the diagnosis was so quick and not even the focus of the appointment, but the medication she put me on is working. i thought that high school killed any enjoyment i once had for serious, intellectual reading, but since the medication i’ve started paging through the plethora of books i’ve bought over the years but never read and gotten absorbed by random pages even though i don’t know what’s going on. I don’t remember the last time was able to concentrate for extended periods of times without a deadline or outside pressure. i can read lengthy journal articles in record time and still absorb the information. the only downside is they kill my appetite, which she admitted she is part of the reason why prescribed them for me. (this part i’m not that upset about since i have been on binge suppressants for years and I see this as an additional tool- I’ve had no urge to abuse them other than the ED voice that instinctually tells me to, but I’ve just ignored it from the beginning).

so even though she is highly insensitive to my needs, she is also a highly capable and otherwise qualified psychiatrist. however, during therapy today, i discussed her comments with my therapist and that I would continue to see her while i searched/waited for an appointment with a different psychiatrist, since I had to wait 7 months to see this current doctor. instead, my therapist jumped on the phone, called a couple numbers and was able to get me an appointment with a psychiatrist she trusted for right after the new year. so i only have to see this current one once more and that’s only so I can get refills and continue my current medication regiment, which been working wonderfully for me.

i didn’t mean to make this so long but it feels good to get this out. my clinician is gonna inform my dietitian (which is making me impatient for my next appointment because she was ready beat a bitch last time because of this doctor and i want to see what she has to say this time) and then, if i didn’t mind, she wanted to bring this up with some managers at her location. i don’t care if she informs some higher ups, i just don’t want my name to get back to the psychiatrist until after the next/last appointment. i’m also going to file a complaint, not for vengeance or anything, just so her superiors can hopefully let her know how other patients might interpret her comments.  

at least for me, this psychiatrist’s comments aren’t about me not being able to handle what i don’t want to hear. they were unprofessional, inappropriate, and frankly, uninformed and dangerous. if i hadn’t been further along in my recovery, i might have been liable to abuse my adderall as an appetite suppressant for weight loss purposes, start exercising and dieting again when i’m not mentally ready, or just accept her fat-shaming for what it wasn’t since since it was coming out of the mouth of an MD.

But I’m lucky to be in a place where I can recognize those comments for what they are. And I give credit to my therapist and dietitian, who’ve gotten me that place in the past year and a half (and I guess the current psychiatrist deserves some credit too for her medication regimen that was effective right off the bat, but that’s where I’ll leave it). And to the therapists, dietitians, and doctors I’ve have in the past five years, but mostly to my current ones, because they got me back on track when I moved back to WI and then further along than I have ever gotten before. Their voices are nagging in my ear to myself credit to, so I guess I played my part too.

@lorinwasadiver let me know when you’ve read this bc i want to know your angry thoughts

[gynandromorph]

ancestormoth replied to your post: I didn't know you're supposed to take breaks on...

i never had a psychiatrist tell me that and i’ve been on ritalin and adderall but that makes sense

yeah it’s not normal protocol for most medications which need time to build up and have withdrawal symptoms but for adhd meds it isn’t the same (this is why they’re so easily abused, the effect is instantaneous). you’re also supposed to take days off due to the appetite suppression side effect

[saeyoungsfreckles]

so i'm adhd and how would the rfa react/help mc out (please include medication if you're comfortable with that) also COOL URL MAN

Yo, I’ve got ADHD and I take meds too, so I’m totally comfortable with this one. AND THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT MAN

I added V and Saeran without realizing you didn’t ask for them, but oh well.

Yoosung

When you told him you had ADHD, he’d probably be surprised, because you seem more mature than him.

You’d have to explain the ADHD doesn’t necessarily equate to your maturity level. 

In order to help you stay focused on your homework and such, he’d suggest that you guys study together, though that often ends up making it worse.

Probably is no help in making sure you remember to take your meds. 

He sleeps in every morning, and it is always a rush to get out of the door.

If your meds make you lose your appetite, he’ll text you to remind you to eat, because it’s important for your health. 

Zen

He would probably be wary of your medication

He seems as though he would be all about natural remedies, like herbs and such.

He would suggest that you at least try the natural things, but would be okay with you taking meds when the herbs don’t work

Like Yoosung, he’d constantly text you to make sure you eat lunch, or he’s just try to search for a time when you guys can get lunch together.

Always makes sure to remind you to take your meds in the morning, has them in those little green, week long med containers.

Also has you taking vitamin d, because it helps with brain activity, and hopes it will make it easier to pay attention.

Is afraid that your meds suppress who you actually are, and likes being around you when you’re not medicated, no matter how talkative or hyper you get.

Though he was never great with academics, he’d help you study so that you don’t lose focus on the assignment.

Jaehee

Mom mode activated

Would make sure that the meds you’re taking are the ones that are the least debilitating to your appetite and general health.

Like Zen, wants to make sure you’re at least trying natural remedies.(From experience, they don’t really work though)

You never miss a day for taking your meds

She has them neatly arranged on the counter, and an alarm is set for when you need to take them

If you can’t focus while doing something, she’ll make you tea and attempt to help in any way possible. 

Will pack you a lunch so that you can’t miss a meal, if it comes to that

Jumin

When he finds out you have ADHD, he immediately has you seeing the best specialist there is

has you taking the best meds, as well as any vitamins that may help you.

You rarely miss a day of taking your meds, because Jumin is always making sure that you take them.

This donut just wants life to be as easy as possible for you.

When you’re struggling to stay focused, he will have you sit in his lap and he will stroke your hair, helping with the project you’re working on

Is very good at staying focused, so he can combat your lack of focus.

makes sure you’re always eating lunch

Seven

I feel like this kid suffers from minor ADD or something.

I mean, Vanderwood had to constantly watch the guy, because he never seemed to get his work done quickly.

Will not be any good at reminding you to take your meds, if he does remember, it will be like 4 in the afternoon

Does remember to make sure you eat, but it’s always Honey Budda Chips

If you can’t pay attention to something you’re doing, he might attempt to help, but in the end you guys will just be messing around and doing everything other than what you were supposed to do.

V

You are the light of this man’s life. Everything revolves around you

He never forgets to remind you to take your meds, 

Has sticky notes on the wall to remind you to take your meds, as well as to encourage you to keep trying to pay attention to what you need to get done

Super patient and will help you with whatever you’re struggling to pay attention to.

Will try to get lunch with you everyday so that you don’t forget.

protect this bean

Saeran

“Take your stupid meds, you stupid idiot.”

Pretends to not care, but is worrying about you 90% of the time.

Texts you to remind you to eat, but in a subtle way

“I’m eating lunch now, you should too. But I don’t care if you starve.”

Super subtle. 

Is surprisingly patient when you need help. 

He isn’t super good at academics. He’s smart, but wasn’t raised with a normal school system.

Regardless, he will do what he can to ensure that you’re not too stressed out, because he often feels like a burden.