#that's also one of my first exposures to non-familial childhood trauma

[isabellehemlock]

Birthday Reflections

On the 37th anniversary of my trip around the sun, I wanted to say that I'm humbled and thankful to have made it another year - there's been times in my life I wasn't so sure I'd get to be this old, and I view aging as a privilege that not everyone gets.

My life has been touched by loss and grief and yet in a way, it's the non permeance of things, that nothing lasts forever, that makes what I do have, when I have it, that much more precious to me. May I never take my blessings for granted! May I never not seize the day while I still have it!

As for anyone who'd like to extend me love today, or send good energy out into the world for me, thank you! I embrace it and send it right back 🫂❤️

And finally, as an almost forty something crone lol, let me share things I've learned, and celebrated, in the last year (both in life and in fandom spaces) as part of my birthday reflections 😊

Physician, heal thyself. I started a sabbatical after a rough ten months and downsized commitments as much as possible - down from 120+ hrs a month, to 40ish! Since August! It's been phenomenallll. The sad truth was, most of the things I signed up were years ago when my family's health (and my own,) was in different place. My family needs me at home more. And everyone has been wonderfully understanding of the circumstances

Don't be afraid to be weird. Of course always be receptive to open dialogue and feedback if your actions are encroaching on someone's boundaries - but if people find me cringe? Okay, and? I'm herp derping my way across fandoms and platforms and being random, that's it. Stop trying to get everyone to like you by dimming your own shine, because let's be honest: you don't like everyone and that's okay, too. Not everyone is meant for us, detach with love and wish them well. (This one isn't necessarily new for me, but I'd say it's strengthened over the last year)

I celebrated reaching one million words on AO3 - which is wild!!

I participated in my first zine, and then helped organize one, too!!

I participated in FTH for the first time (next month is my second piece), and I'm doing the TOG BB again with no less than four entries (three arts and one fic). First piece is already up!

I've done close to 80 pieces of art which is also wild! A cute collage set of my pieces done this year will be arriving next month!

I made me perpetual vows for my lay order after four and a half years of study! This one is probably the one that makes me smile the most - my religious name within the order is St. Mary Magdalene. I chose her for her perseverance being rewarded by becoming the Apostle to the Apostles ❤️

Though I'm still as ace as cake lol, and happily married, after multiple conversations and introspection I've further embraced that I'm a "hearts not parts" person as well

Speaking of which, my hubby and I celebrated another anniversary and next month we'll have been together 18 years!! Very grateful for him 💗

As I've continued to heal from childhood/teenage trauma, I feel ready to share more of my truth in my art to express as a form of release. Always with tags and boundaries so everyone can make an informed decision to their level of exposure therapy on such heavy topics, but yes, I'm stepping into a deeper phase of my healing and putting in the emotional labor to reconcile myself back into one whole, lovable being. Because I was always lovable to begin with. And so are you ❤️

And if you've made it this far, extra hugs for you! Thank you for those who have embraced me, been part of my journey, and whether we've grown apart or grown closer, I'm grateful for the opportunities to expand my own consciousness with the people I come across.

I truly believe that to love someone is to see the face of God, an opportunity to venerate and honor the inherent dignity of every person - sometimes of course boundaries have to be put in place because not everyone shares my intentions, but reflecting back I can at least say I tried lol. May the year ahead be filled with love and blessings and may yours as well!

[carbonateddelusion]

I will forever hold L is Real close to my heart

[fluff-connoisseur]

Original Queer Webcomics

When you don't have access to print graphic novels or that just isn't your thing, check out one of these amazing webcomics accessible online for free, featuring queer characters!

I DO NOT own any of these works. These comics are all completed; all descriptions are from the comic's page, with a note by me in italics below; links in the titles take you to the first page. Enjoy!

Check, Please! by Ngozi Ukazu (@ngoziu)

Eric Bittle—former Georgia junior figure skating champion, vlogger extraordinaire, and amateur pâtissier—is starting his freshman year playing hockey at the prestigious Samwell University in Samwell, Massachusetts. And it’s basically nothing like co-ed club hockey back in the South. For one? There’s checking. It’s a story about hockey and friendship and bros and trying to find yourself during the best 4 years of your life.

I enjoyed this comic beyond words. I came for the gay romance, but stayed for the real, flawed characters and relationships between them. Healthy masculinity also plays a part in making this comic great.

Goodbye to Halos by Valerie Halla (@valeriehalla)

Goodbye to Halos is an action-adventure modern fantasy webcomic with an entire cast of queer characters, starring a gay trans girl and her weird friends! Updates on Tuesdays and Fridays most of the time.

This comic strives to be mature while still being friendly, cute, and accessible. Goodbye to Halos isn't an 18+ webcomic, but readers be aware that it contains a moderate amount each of coarse language, blood, references to drug use, horror elements, sexual themes and innuendo, and non-sexual nudity, and is thus definitely not for kids.

I haven't finished this one yet but I am loving it so far! The strength and beauty of a queer found family is demonstrated excellently in this gorgeous comic.

Long Exposure by Mars (@marsoid)

Long Exposure is an ongoing webcomic about nerd Jonas Wagner and bully Mitch Mueller being forced to work on a high school science project together and encountering a strange research site in the woods. Facing childhood trauma, abusive parents, being followed by a mysterious car, and developing superpowers together, they slowly grow closer and eventually realize they like each other a lot more than friends.

it contains a lot of swearing, some violence, drug/alcohol use, sexual situations, touches on some sensitive subjects, and drops a few (censored) slurs on occasion. i will put up warnings for the pages that contain these as best i can! …well, except for the general swearing thing. that’s like every page i’m sorry.

I read this entire comic over about two days... It's a gritty, magic-infused ode to childhood and queer love that will change you.

Rock and Riot by Chelsey Furedi (@cheriiart)

Rock and Riot follows the tales of opposing teenage gangs in the 1950s with an LGBTQ theme! Will the teams set aside their differences to fight for what they have in common?

Lovely exploration of queer love in the 50s that thoughtfully places characters in real and amusing situations. Get comfy, once I started reading I couldn't stop!

Other queer comics

I have not read these personally myself, but they come highly recommended! These are not all completed.

Autophobia Ride or Die *also by marsoid Power Ballad My Dragon Girlfriend Up and Out by Julia Kaye Princess Princess Portside Stories *also by Valerie Halla

[bichristian]

How do you deal eith backlash from other Christians about being gay? That is something I'm struggling with.

TW: homophobia (if you want to skip, you can just go past the bolded section)

Found out this is quesion was asked a very long time ago, but I hope that whoever you are will forgive my late response.

I tend to be pretty careful with where I share it. In most situations (even non Christian ones), I spend a long time gauging people before I ever bring it up. It helps that I have a personality and appearance of an unsalted potato, so I'm assumed straight until otherwise stated usually.

I think this comes from when I grew up (I'm not sure when and where you were young, but if you're younger than me or grew up in a more liberal area, your experiences likely will be different). When I was a kid, gay was The Insult. You didn't like something? Gay. You didn't like someone? Oh they're so gay. Gay and the r-slur (the one against neurodivergent people) were the insults du jour of my childhood. I was accused of being gay back when I didn't even know that was a thing (fifth grade me was very sheltered, though looking back yeah it was kind of obvious) and it caused one of the only friends I had to tell me in a letter that she could no longer be friends with me, because they also accused her of being gay because of how we acted together. Like it was a whole ordeal, teachers and the school guidance counselor had to get involved.

You know what I did to get that sort of rejection? When the two of us would go inside from outside roundup, I asked for us to basically play follow the leader, where one person would close their eyes and the other would guide them inside, because I was a traumatized, socially inept child who had severe trust issues. So we would be arm in arm. Yeah, looking back it is one of those situations where you go "what was I thinking", but what ten year old escapes that?

But, that got her bullied and accused of being gay. Being friends with me was a like spending too much time around social nuclear waste: you might escape unscathed, or you might also become a social pariah by sheer association (I wish I was being dramatic, but I am dead serious). I was already on the literal shit tier of the school's social heirarchy and weird for many a reason, so they hardly needed more of an excuse to punch me even further down. This was my first exposure to the concept of being gay.

I'm sure you can imagine the trauma, where before puberty I already had some serious exposure to severe judgement and social ostricization from a sexuality I didn't even know I was yet. It didn't help that my entire family is very homophobic, in the "love the sinner hate the sin" type of way, so I had a lot of internalized homophobia to deal with. (Side note: I almost never mention them in queer circles specifically because I have a very complicated realtionship with them, which I can elaborate in a different post, but I do ask that no one makes disparaging comments about my family because it only causes me, the person they're immediately affecting, intense pain.)

If you wish to ignore the long winded backstory, or skip the homophobia, here's your exit point:

I guess this is a roundabout way of saying: I honestly don't deal with that much backlash. Because as I grew up I learned to be very careful who I talked to and how I share parts of myself. I also grew up during a time where people were murdered for being gay, and that mindset still lingers. Is it a lot better? Yes. But I am hyperaware of what people can and still do to queer people, especially homophobic Christians. So in most situations, I don't engage, shut down much of the time to avoid emotional pain, and I file it in the back of my mind to keep contact with those people (when possible) to a minimum.

On the internet, it's easier because I can completely control when or if I respond at all, or just block the person. I also do my best to keep my identity personal, so it removes a lot of the sting.

I'm not saying you have to be as meek as I am. If you want to be more out and proud (or have no choice but to be), you're doing amazing. But you don't have to be defending yourself, even if they end up confronting you. You are allowed to extracate yourself from dangerous or upsetting situations without engaging in debate or argument. You are not obligated to defend your existence or change peoples bigotry. Find a good support group, and remember that there are people that are out there that will love you, without your sexuality being an exception or sticking point.

I actually find there are very learned people on tik tok and youtube who are making content defending queer people and explaining the Bible isn't homophobic, as many Christians think (people who actually can read it in the original languages, for anyone whos going to yell at me like last time), which I think can help you feel more secure when the conservative churches are tearing you down. Security in yourself and your beliefs is honestly the best defense I know. Because while you may not be able to change their minds, they don't have to change yours either.

I really hoped this helped. You are loved, and your sexuality is valid. May you have a peaceful and blessed Christmas season, with those that make you happy and safe.

[a-tired-narwhal]

Tell me more about your feelings about the details of Caleb's backstory!

Okay listen anon. LISTEN. This is going to be LONG. Did I immediately rewatch/go back through the entire wrap up to take notes? YES I DID. Anon I'm sorry this is so late, I didn't see your ask until after the stream. I hope this finds you (*＾3＾)/～♡

----

Caleb fucking Widogast. Liam O'Brien always creates/portrays characters that CAPTURE ME. And it is purely the undertow of SUFFERING that I crave.

As a survivor of an abusive childhood, specifically with manipulation, neglect, and physical trauma, and having a controlling abuser in a position of power over you - I was surprised and delighted by Liam's playing of Caleb, and I'm sure that I'm probably not the only one, but Caleb's backstory just had me nodding along. Was not surprised at all by what was revealed about the blumentrio's relationship being trauma-bonding and probably why I'll never be an avid shipper of them. Nothing about Caleb's backstory left me gasping - because it's a relatively common abuse survivor story, except it's in the world of dungeons and dragons with high fantasy and magic and more common place murdering than today in places where most Critters presumably live.

Let's break it down.

Caleb was born as Bren to a less than well off family, who wanted their child to have a better life than them. Bren is a gifted child, and this will immediately put a bullseye's target on a child's back, make no mistake, for abusive persons. Now, I don't know if it's a pretty obvious that parents would trust in a teaching figure to take their child for that child's betterment, because I don't have parents who wish for my betterment ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, but I like to think that Bren's parents handed him off hoping for his brightest future.

Trent is basically the textbook example of a Cult Leader. Beyond the experimentation he did on his students; everything he put the Blumentrio through is how you beat down and brainwash people, especially children/adolescents. Textbook. TEXTBOOK. It was the dnd equivalent of the Hilter Youth. Now my personal experience featured the tool of isolation, so I didn't have two childhood friends to pour myself into and have threesome's with, but that's actually smart of Ickythong, because when you're left alone with your whirling brain for too long, and there's no one to hold over your head - we start thinking those rebellious thoughts, and at some point we decide we have nothing to lose, and we will do ANYTHING to shake that control. No, he left them in that abandoned tower together so they would be forced to bond with each other, as well as allowing them not to die of exposure alone.

Trauma-bonding CAN be a manipulation and used against you. Now. We have three adolescents trying not to freeze to death by being as close as physically possible. For those that don't know; sharing body heat works best skin to skin - ya get naked and THEN you wrap up together to stay insulated. Awkward groping is going to happen, and it's more than likely accidental. But when you add raging hormones to the mix, yo it's not going to stay accidental for very long (that in no way indicates non consent, it can be either way), and the feelings can catch hard when you're young and physical and EVERY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP YOU HAD HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM YOU, IF YOU EVEN EVER HAD ONE. (I do not know Eadwulf or Astrid's home lives so your guess is as good as mine. We should probably ask Liam)

So you've got horny teenagers, with above average intelligence, being systematically abused... Bam. Trauma-bonded Blumentrio.

BUT HERE'S THE THING. Trauma-bonding can only get you so far. And they are children, actively being raised to NOT HAVE THEIR OWN THOUGHTS AND IDENTITIES. The relationship they built, the romantic and sexual, are based off of a shared hostile environment and survival needs. And when those circumstances are no longer there, the relationship tends to fall apart.

I love that Matt talked about Astrid for a bit, sad we didn't get more on Eadwulf - but Matt didn't really spend a lot of time roleplaying Wulf compared to Astrid, so he'd have more insight into her. I also find it interesting that the Blumentrio took 3 very different, but again SO COMMON, paths in dealing with their abuse. But that's a different rant.

Focus with me now on what Matt said about Astrid. She was actively seeking power throughout the campaign, looking always to climb that ladder to the top, for her own purposes which were not stated, and was willing to do anything, sacrifice anyone, to get that power. Was it a burden to her? Yeah I think so. Did it weigh on her? Again I personally think it did. But she was goal-oriented and she wasn't going to let anything stop her, not even herself, and she hated Trent. Matt implies that all three of the Blumentrio did/do. Astrid, Wulf, and Caleb were wildly different people - I don't think they would have stayed together even if Bren had stayed Bren instead of becoming Caleb.

I know A LOT of people were miffed over how Liam and Matt showed Caleb's and Essek's love for each other; and I am SO glad that Liam touched on this; Essek reminded Caleb too much of Astrid and Eadwulf. Now I know we love to joke that that Redhead Dirt Wizard has a Type (smart, ambitious, vaguely amoral), and believe me I LOVE THE JOKE, but Caleb pumping to brakes on Hot Boi makes THE MOST LOGICAL SENSE AND I WAS SO DELIGHTED WHEN LIAM PLAYED IT THAT WAY. Caleb was still trying to heal himself; WHY THE HELL WOULD HE JUMP INTO A MESS CALLED ESSEK? That's some mf UNHEALTHY, TOXIC romance trope ya got there. People fix themselves, not each other. THAT'S WHY CANON SHADOWGAST IS SO GOOD. THEY ARE WORKING TO IMPROVE THEMSELVES FIRST. THAT'S SO HOT.

Ahem.

So the Blumentrio hangout in Astrid's room to sex and study, in threes and twos (I have weird polyam questions, Liam). Now, I'm foggy on the exact timeframe that was together at Academy > kill your parents > Bren is chucked into the Sanitarium; but it's clear that after the murdering of parents, Bren is tagged as the "weakest link" - maybe he broke because he actually loved his family/had a loving family, maybe the manipulation spell from Ickythong didn't sit on him as well as Astrid and Wulf, maybe boi wasn't made for killing (a lie, the boi is a total killer, you have to be in most dnd campaigns), who knows. But he broke, and Astrid and Wulf handed him over - it would be dangerous for them if they tried too hard to protect him.

Because in that environment, in those circumstances, in that set up; you do what you have to, to survive. You hurt people you love, you hurt people you don't know, you even hurt yourself if it means improving your own odds. It's instinct. It's not your fault. You are doing the best you can with what you have available.

I don't hate Astrid and Eadwulf; I just have more emotional attachment and investment in Caleb, and prefer the color purple on him.

Which is actually a great segue into THE WOMAN AT THE SANITARIUM WHO FREED HIS MIND; Matt Mercer you beautiful man, thank you for giving us a Moonweaver connection, my lil widomauk heart was sent aflutter! So, here's the thing. Places like that, sanitariums, psych wards, etc - if you are not certifiably insane before you go in, you will be eventually. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest is not a fucking joke. But the thought of some forgotten Moonweaver Cleric recognizing Bren's torment and just, poof, dissolving that spell? *Chef's kiss* glorious, wonderful, everything I needed.

Anon, I don't know if this is what you wanted or expected - but here it is, my sincerest apologies 🐳

[angstidote]

Misophonia and Morality

So today I was reading this medical paper/article on misophonia because the sound of my dog snoring completely mentally and emotionally derailed me from writing, and what I learned was really interesting.

Scientists don't know for sure what causes it yet, but studies show that when a person with misophonia is triggered their heartbeat increases, along with feelings of anger, disgust, and sadness/despair. These feelings are not invoked by other negative stimuli (control stimuli), just by the particular trigger sound, which I’m sure many people with misophonia can confirm.

But what's interesting is that some of the main areas triggered in the brain are those associated with facial recognition and enduring personal harassment. We also respond with the part of their brains related to morality, meaning we find the sound to be (either consciously or unconsciously) *morally* objectionable which is why it's interpreted by the brain the same way bullying or other harassment is. The response is also linked to conditioning.

This makes me (personal conjecture, not from the study) think that it's probably a result of early childhood conditioning that linked the trigger sounds with trauma. However! The study found there was no direct link to the fight or flight response, as you find with most trauma stimuli. Fear was anticipated when they set up the study, so they were surprised to find misophonia doesn't invoke it, aside from mild anxiety which was speculated to be related to anticipated exposure (and which I speculate to be related, at least in part, to self-monitoring mechanisms--as in, I know I’m over-reacting and so I become concerned that I will behave in a disproportionately vengeful manner).

Because of this, misophonia seems to be linked not with physical or emotional danger, but with bullying.

Even though the stimuli will invoke an immediate emotional and physical response that’s similar to a trauma reaction, it’s not directly trauma related, though it might be a byproduct. It's more likely a side effect of having been in situations where the individual felt they had no control, and were forced to endure the unpleasant sound unnecessarily and intentionally. This is why there's moral implications.

This is really interesting to me because my primary trigger is snoring, and I'll bet cash money that it's a result of having been forced to take naps as a kid.

Now, in most cases naps are totally healthy for children, providing them with much needed rest and structure. However, in my case ((and I will note here a trigger warning for my personal experiences with CSA)) my first non-familial babysitter would put his children and I down for “naptime” but always with me in a separate place, where he would sexually assault me.

As a result, I became terrified of sleeping in the presence of anyone other than my parents. Yet, all through preschool, kindergarten, and until my subsequent babysitters stopped forcing me to “nap,” I would simply have to lay there for at least an hour every day, listening to other kids snore while ruminating on how morally repugnant adults were. As such, I assume the sound of snoring became linked with my feelings of rage and despair at having my trauma-related feelings dismissed yet again (no one ever addressed the situation with the babysitter). This is just speculation, but given that one of the most common trigger sounds for misophonia is chewing noises, I'll bet a lot of kids were forced to sit at the table during silent, emotionally tense dinners, or were forced to eat stuff they didn't want to, and developed (were conditioned into having) a moral hatred for the sound of chewing.

I’d be curious to know if anyone else can link their misophonia triggers to morally objectionable moments in their childhoods.

[lunar-wandering]

Heist time? Heist time!

me?? writing a crossover between Monkie Kid and Kaitou Joker that only a few specific people will probably read?? its more likely than you think.

Word Count: 1.5k

read on ao3

---

"You received a what?" MK asked, staring at Mei in shock.

"A...heist notice?" Mei said, "It's not for anything important really, just some amulet no one in my family really cares about, but we are required to defend it, so I was wondering if you would come along."

"Are you kidding me?" MK asked, jumping up off of his chair in excitement. "You got a heist notice from Kaitou Joker, Mei! He's world renowned! Of course I want to help you defend your treasure from him!"

"...Do you think Red Son will want to come too?"

"Even if he doesn't, he'll probably still come anyways."

---

"I don't understand how you forced me into this." Red Son complained, as the three of them leaned against the wall in Mei's Family's Treasure Room, waiting for the time on the heist notice to arrive. "I mean, it's just one thief. How hard could fending them off be?"

"I'm pretty sure it's harder than it seems." Mei said, "I googled him when we got the notice. The list of things he's managed to steal is about three miles long."

"And the list of things he failed to steal?" MK asked.

"Non-existent. Either he always succeeds, or he covers up his failures really well."

"Well he better hurry up and get on with it." Red Son said, "I don't exactly have all day after all."

"You do know that you don't have to stay in this room right?" Mei asked, "You can go and investigate other parts of the mansion if you're bored."

"Oh thank fuck." Red Son whispered, standing up and walking out of my room. "Shout if he shows up!"

---

Of course, as fate would have it, Joker and his assistant, Hachi, just so happened to jump down through one of the windows on the roof not even ten minutes after Red Son left the room. They landed on the ground in a crouch, proceeding to stand up-

And come face to face with Mei and MK's weapons.

"We aren't going to let you take the treasure, thief." MK said, before excitedly whispering under his breath; "Man, I've always wanted to say that."

"Oh, you think you can stop me?" Joker said, a smirk on his face. "Sounds fun."

And just like that, Joker suddenly slammed a smoke bomb down onto the floor, causing Mei and MK to back up and shield their eyes so that the smoke wouldn't get in them. During the haze, Joker forcibly bumped into MK, making him drop the staff. Joker bent down to pick it up-

Only to find that he couldn't.

"Huh. Weird." He said, trying again, and giving up when it wouldn't budge. "I'll have to get back to figuring out how to steal that later."

"You'll have to what-" MK started, but was cut off by Mei, who rushed pass him, aiming to swing at Joker. He dodged at the last second, maneuvering behind her and hitting her on the back, causing her to stumble.

Joker swiftly and casually took the sword out of Mei's hands, proceeding to jump on top of a nearby statue to be out of her reach for a few moments.

"Oh now this is interesting.~" He said as he observed the sword, "Maybe I should send out a heist notice for this as well-"

Joker suddenly paused, and a tense atmosphere filled the room.

The spirits of the past dragons had surrounded Joker, and they were all glaring at him angrily.

"...You know what?" Joker said, tossing the sword over his shoulder, causing the dragons to vanish, and for Mei to scramble to catch it before it could hit the floor. "I don't need this sword, I've got plenty already. Hachi, are you ready?!"

"Yes sir!"

"Wh-" MK whirled around, to see that, while he had been distracted, focusing on Joker, his assistant had taken the amulet from it's stand. "Hey, give that back!"

He lunged at Hachi, and the ninja gave a little shriek, hurriedly side stepping and tossing the amulet to Joker, who caught it and proceeded to turn to run out of the room, Hachi moving to follow close behind.

"Oh no you don't!" Mei yelled, immediately chasing after them, with MK quickly joining her.

They ran through the hallways, twisting and turning. They almost lost sight of Joker a few times, what with him using his image gum to try and disguise himself as various statues, but MK's true sight always let them spot him rather quickly, and then the chase would be on again.

It was during one of the points when they were running after him that Red Son happened to see them from his position of sitting up in the rafters.

"Oh for the love of- I told them to shout if he showed up." He muttered to himself, before sighing. It seemed like he was going to have to step in.

"You won't get past me!" Red Son said, jumping down into the thief's way, his hands on fire. Joker didn't even blink.

"What are you, some relative of Phoenix? The fire trick is so old school y'know." He said, not even bothering to stop. He vaulted over Red Son, who, faced with the fact that the thief wasn't afraid of his fire, had frozen in place in shock. Hachi quietly ran around him as well, muttering a quiet "Sorry." As he did.

"Wh- Hey! Get back here!" Red Son yelled as soon as the shock wore off, turning and joining Mei and MK in chasing after the thief. Joker just laughed in response.

"A larger audience just makes the chase more fun!" He shouted over his shoulder-

And then suddenly he came to a complete halt, Hachi bumping into him from the unexpectedness of the sudden stop. MK, Mei and Red Son stumbled, barely stopping themselves from also running into him. MK looked over Joker's shoulder to see what had made the phantom thief pause.

There was a cat in the hallway.

MK, confusedly, looked back at the thief, wondering why a cat of all things had made him stop. He got his answers as soon as he got a good look at him.

Joker was genuinely trembling, the bit of his eyes that MK could see under the hat were filled with fear.

From his side, Hachi sighed.

"Seriously, Joker?" He asked, a bit deadpan, but still with some concern in his voice. "I assumed you'd gotten over your fear of cats after so much exposure to Hosshi."

"Well excuse me for not recovering from my childhood trauma." Joker said,  causing Red Son to stifle a laugh.

The cat meowed.

"Shit." Joker hissed, backing up and practically scrambling to climb on top of the nearest person, which happened to be Red Son, who shouted indignantly in response, struggling to pull him off to no avail.

"..While I hate to use a fear against anyone, since I know what it's like first hand." MK started, "Would you. Give us back the amulet if we get rid of the cat?"

"Fine, fine!" Joker yelled, "I'll give you the amulet okay?"

Red Son finally managed to push Joker off, the thief landing with an "oomf" on the ground, and leaving the amulet behind in Red Son's hands. Mei made swift work of picking up the cat and quickly herding it into a nearby room. MK reached down and lightly patted Joker on the shoulder.

"There, was that so hard?" He asked, a bit of smugness in his voice. Hey, he had technically just bested a world renowned phantom thief, he could be a little smug. Joker just sighed.

"Whatever." He said, before quickly jumping up, grabbing his assistant in his arms, and turning to take off down the hallway without another word, laughing once he'd reached a good distance away from them. MK was confused for a moment, before-

The amulet in Red Son's hands suddenly popped, like a balloon, leaving only a card, the Jack of Hearts, behind.

The three of them stared at it for a moment, in silence.

"Oh that fu-"

---

It was rather late when MK finally walked into the Noodle Shop, practically dragging his feet. Pigsy glanced up as he walked in.

"There you are, MK. What took you so long, your shift started two hours ago." He said. MK sighed.

"Sorry Pigsy, I was busy....." MK trailed off as he suddenly noticed the other two people in the restaurant, at the exact same time they noticed him.

MK, Joker, and Hachi stared at each other for a few seconds.

"Welp, that's my cue to go!" Joker said, picking up the bowl he'd been eating out of and carrying it with him as he ran past MK and out of the shop, Hachi quickly throwing some money on the counter before running off behind him. MK didn't even try to stop them. He stood there for a few minutes, registering what just happened, before moving to sit at one of the stools by the counter.

"Long day?" Pigsy asked.

MK put his head down on the counter and screamed.

[hobbitkiller]

She-Ra, Supergirl, and Tangled: A Tale of Three Female Relationships: Part 3

*SPOILER WARNING FOR SHE-RA, SUPERGIRL, AND TANGLED: THE SERIES*

Previously on “A Tale of Three Female Relationships” AKA HobbitKiller clearly misses grad school but not enough to find secondary sources for a multi-part tublr. post (or thoroughly proofread):

In Part 2, I discussed the impact narcissistic mother figures, resentment for chosen ones, and repressing emotions has had on three female relationships in three different series: Adora and Catra from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Lena and Kara from Supergirl, and Rapunzel and Cassandra from Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure.

These posts are a deep dive into where these relationships went wrong and will eventually culminate in a discussion of what these relationships say about the portrayal of female characters and female relationships in media.

For today’s installment, I will be covering two subjects: Blond Bulldozers and I Don’t Care (I Ship It). WARNING: This one gets reallllllly long. Like, possibly multiple sittings.

PART VI: BLOND BULLDOZERS

In my first post in this series, I jokingly mentioned that one half in all three of these relationships is a superpowered blonde who saves the world.

There are of course many implications in the fact that, though all three of these shows strive for increased diversity compared to their source material (It is also interesting that these are all shows based on pre-existing franchises), the main character continues to be a fair-skinned blond woman. 

That’s mostly a matter to be discussed another day, but I do find it interesting that all of these relationships feature one blond and one not-blond. Lena and Cassandra have black hair, and Catra is...well...a cat-person. Beyond that, the blond is not only the hero, but is typically depicted as morally superior and more righteous. Kara, AKA Supergirl, was literally declared the “Paragon of Hope” in the latest CW crossover, Crisis on Infinite Earths. That title could just as easily have gone to Rapunzel whose chief characteristics are her optimism, desire to see others achieve their dreams, and belief that everyone gets a second chance no matter their criminal past and exploits (seriously, everyone in Corona--the name of the kingdom unfortunately for right now--gets one total pardon as long as they’re sorry even if the tried to kill multiple people). Adora is a little less cotton-candy that Kara or Rapunzel. She has the same moral righteousness, but actually has more of an edge to her than many of her friends due to her upbringing as a child soldier. Still, all three blondes are meant, for the most part, to be the moral center of their shows.

But, the thing is, when I look at these relationships, I can’t help but think of another popular blonde/not blonde friendship that went wrong:

Ahhh, Wicked, the prototypical female friendship story for so many of us. Wicked aims to take this classic dynamic of the morally pure blond protagonist and their dark-haired frienemy and turn it a bit on its head. Throughout the musical, Glinda is treated as pure, superior, and good because she is flattering and pretty. In reality, Glinda is often selfish and lacks the courage to stand up to people and systems she believes are wrong. Elphaba, on the other hand, is treated like an outcast because of her green skin and social awkwardness. Yet, for most of the musical, she is the one with the moral righteousness. She is labeled “wicked” by those in power for challenging them and standing up to them.

We’ll discuss Wicked more in the finale of this multi-part post.

For now, I’d like to contrast that relationship to the three being analyzed right now. None of these three shows goes as far as Wicked did to undermine this trope of the perfect blond versus the darker brunette. This makes sense as none of the three properties is seeking to deconstruct their source material or turn it on its head in the way Wicked aims to do so for the Wizard of Oz (the movie more than anything else). They seek to update and diversify certain aspects to be sure (someone heard loud and clear the criticism that there are no people of color in Tangled), but not to challenge them.

That being said, each show does try to layer in flaws in their blond protagonists approach to relationships. These flaws tend to be more subtle than those of the people around them, perhaps to protect said blondes from becoming too unlikeable, but they are clearly there.

In the last post, I talked a lot about the resentment of the non-blondes in these relationships and how that helped lead to the relationships falling apart. Those characters are also much more the aggressors in said relationships and are much more set on taking down the other party.

However, the blondes in each relationship are not without blame for it falling apart.

In the previous post, I discussed how being friends of a so-called “chosen one” or “golden child” can breed resentment. I also mentioned that raising someone as a “golden child” is its own form of abuse. It creates a level of unrealistic expectations to always be perfect and responsible. It can be the same for a “chosen one.”

Adora, Kara, and Rapunzel all feel a tremendous amount of responsibility as the “saviors” of their respective worlds. This manifests itself in a need to constantly “fix” everyone else’s problems. Adora frequently describes her need to fix whatever goes wrong in the Rebellion. Kara feels it’s her job to fix things so much that she contacted her former boss’s estranged son behind her back to try to reconnect them. Rapunzel frequently becomes involved in the personal lives of her friends for the sake of fixing their problems.

To an extent, this is a good quality. All three of our blond saviors have good hearts and don’t want to see anyone else suffer, partially because all of them have suffered their own childhood traumas from being raised as a child soldier to witnessing one’s entire planet and species destroyed to being held prisoner for 18 years.

However, as the title of this section suggests, all three of these characters tend to take a bulldozer approach to their involvement with their loved ones’ lives. This creates tension in many of their relationships, not just those discussed in these posts. Adora’s attempts to help her friend Glimmer after Glimmer becomes queen come off as controlling and as though Adora doesn’t respect Glimmer’s position of authority. Kara, in addition to the incident with her boss’s son, had also tried to control the life of another alien (and eventual boyfriend), Mon El as well as did things like break into her sister’s apartment when she was sad. Rapunzel promises to fix everyone’s problems, which leads to friends feeling betrayed when she can’t follow through. She also frequently intrudes in Cassandra’s life and plans.

One of the most threatening things for people like Catra, Lena, or Cassandra is to feel as though they do not have control over their lives. When you already have trust issues, feeling like someone else is trying to control you can feel like you’re being trapped. Control is particularly important to Lena. In many ways, she has the same feelings of responsibility as Kara. Like Kara, Lena, having been raised by one of the most powerful and influential families on the planet, feels a sense of responsibility to be a world leader. She feels that even more keenly in light of the villainous actions of her mother and brother--that she has to restore honor to the family name. As discussed in the previous post, this feeling in Lena manifests itself in her actions towards her friends through buying them things or trying to solve problems for them such as buying Kara’s and James’s place of work, Catco, to save it from being purchased by a scumbag.

This need to take back control of her life and legacy, to me, is why Lena reacts so drastically to discovering that Kara is Supergirl. Being mad at Kara for keeping secrets is, frankly, hypocritical on several counts. Not only does Lena keep many, many secrets from Kara throughout the show, but she is also fine with the fact that Alex, Kara’s sister, never told Lena explicitly that she was an agent of the Department of Extranormal Operations (DEO). Of course, the reason why Lena wasn’t mad at Alex is because Lena had already known who Alex was, thus giving her power and control in that relationship. Finding out that her friend had successfully hidden her identity for years and had been influencing events without Lena’s knowledge took away the control Lena felt she had over that relationship.

Cassandra also feels a keen lack of control over her life and her relationship with Rapunzel due to the fact that Rapunzel is both her monarch and direct employer. Cassandra serves Rapunzel and that is the first avenue through which they formed a relationship. Early in their relationship, Cassandra resented Rapunzel’s attempts to become friends and said the chance of a Lady in Waiting and a princess becoming friends was a million to one. Rapunzel, by nature of being “irrepressible” (as her friends call her), manages to worm her way into Cassandra’s heart to the point that Cassandra almost forgets that she and Rapunzel are not equals.

What I find interesting about both Cassandra and Lena is that they both, in some ways, considered themselves the protectors of their naive blond friends. While it’s true that Cassandra always knew her station was below Rapunzel, part of her job early on was teaching Rapunzel how to be a member of the court--what to do, when to curtsy, who was who, etc. In fact, Rapunzel had so little exposure to the outside world, Cass was partly responsibly for teaching her how to interact socially in general. There’s also the added factor that Cassandra is 4 years older than Rapunzel, which can seem like a lot at their ages. Lena, as previously discussed, saw herself as a major figure in shaping the future of the world. She went out of her way to help Kara by buying Catco and tried to protect Kara if they were ever in physical danger together.

Both of these characters suffered from an abrupt challenge to the relationship roles they previously thought they had. Cassandra in this scene and Lena when Lex tells her that Kara is Supergirl.

It’s interesting that, in that scene, Lex emphasizes the idea that Lena has been a fool. (And, fair enough, I’m pretty sure everyone who’s ever watched the show found it hard to believe that Lena never once realized her best friend was Supergirl. I mean...really, glasses?) But this idea, that she had been a fool plays right into Lena’s fear of losing control. It’s the idea that someone else was pulling strings while she was oblivious that taps right into her deepest insecurities.

Catra’s issues with feeling controlled by Adora are mostly revealed in the episode discussed last post called “Promise.” They come up again in the third season finale when Adora tries to convince Catra to come with her and leave a world that is crumbling out of existence and Catra declares that she will never  go with Adora, and that she won’t “let you win” and “would rather see the whole world end (which it’s doing BTW) than let that happen.” Catra believes the way to get control back from Adora is to “win” at any cost. 

In the end, this idea of “winning” becomes part of all three relationships. It’s no longer about working together or “us against the world” for the not-blondes who have felt crushed under the weight of their friends. Now it’s about achieving their goals in spite of the collateral damage.

And the most frustrating part is that the blondes are largely oblivious to the fact that they make their friends feel this way or that they are overstepping boundaries. They just think they’re doing the right thing because they’re “taking care of” or “fixing” the problem. They’re so concerned with taking care of or protecting their friends, that they don’t realize how patronizing and condescending that can feel.

So, even as these relationship turn so sour, why are so many people not only rooting for the friendship to return, but for our ladies to go the next level beyond?

PART VII: I DON’T CARE (I SHIP IT)

I sometimes wonder how the greatest point of contention, the biggest source of toxicity, and the most exhausting part of fandom became shipping. I have seen more nastiness among fans and toward creators and actors about shipping than just about anything else.

Shipping has a long history in fandom, though that term is relatively recent. People have been writing fan fiction about Kirk and Spock getting together since the show was on and fan fiction was written and shared at either in-person gatherings or through semi-underground fanzines. 

And, trust me, I’ve been in the trenches of a ship war. Back when Avatar: The Last Airbender was airing, I was a hardcore Zutara shipper. And, to be more honest, it made me a jerk. Part of that is just because I was a teenager at the time, and teenagers don’t always realize the potential impacts of their actions due to brain chemistry etc, etc. But still, the intensity with which I argued that my ship either would or should become canon when the creators of the show clearly preferred the other relationship embarrasses me when I look back at it.

These days, fandom shipping has gotten even more complicated and contentious.

Back when those women (and it was mostly women) were typing their Kirk/Spock fan fiction and mailing it to other fans, they knew Kirk and Spock would never actually get together on the show. That was the case for the majority of fandoms until very recently--that there was no expectations of actual canon lgbtq representation. People could claim there was deliberate subtext or coding, but very few, if any people, expected shows to actually have openly lgbtq characters.

Then, it started to actually happen. Not just in a, “the actor said they saw their character as gay” or “the creators said they coded that character as gay” way. Characters actually started being lgbt on screen in ways that weren’t demeaning or stereotypes. Major characters, too.

For me, a big moment that gave rise to the hopes of many that their lgbt ships might actually have a shot at being confirmed as canon was, funnily enough, the sequel show to Avatar: TLA, The Legend of Korra.

The above was the closest the couple got to an on-screen intimate moment, and some fans didn’t believe it was romantic until it was later confirmed by the show creators. Nickelodeon was only willing to go so far, after all. The followup comics, however, are much more explicit with the relationship and the two share multiple kisses and intimate moments.

Many fans argue that Korrasami (as the ship between Korra and Asami is called) was too subtle to be considered real representation. But a wave could certainly be felt throughout the world of animation afterword. Shows became even more bold about confirming lgbt characters or at least became less subtle in their coding. 

And suddenly, the idea that a main character’s finale pairing might be anything other than straight became a real possibility and, in some cases, an expectation.

In addition to the growing visibility of lgbt relationships in media, another change was slowly taking place within fandom. 

For much of modern fandom, the most popular ships have been male/male (mlm). Back when I was getting into fan fiction (because I love reminding people that I’m old), this was called “slash.” Slash was exclusively a term for mlm relationships. Same-sex relationships between women (wlw) were labeled “fem-slash,” and were much more rare.

Multiple people have discussed theories for why mlm was, and continues to be in many cases, the most popular type of ship. Some believe it has to do with the prevalence of straight women in fandom who might fetishize mlm relationships. While I have no doubt that’s partly true, I believe the other common argument has a great deal of merit: there were more mlm ships because male characters were more interesting and more prevalent. 

Star Trek: The Original Series had only two main female characters and neither of them was given close to the emotional depth as Spock or Kirk. Lord of the Rings, which was one of the most popular pieces of media on which to write fanfic when I was younger, has so few women the movies had to add in a boat load of new scenes for Arwen.

Recently, though, not only have more shows invested in writing dynamic, interesting female characters, but they have included multiple diverse female characters with relationships with each other and not just the men in the shows. 

So, not only do more people ship wlw ships, but more people expect to actually see those ships represented in their media. Never before has a wlw ship becoming “endgame” seemed more possible.

In many ways this is fantastic. More representation being not only more possible but more expected is absolutely necessary for our media to progress and grow. This has, however, lead to some growing tensions in communities where shipping has, in some ways, become its own form of activism, which means that there is not only people’s personal feelings and preferences for ships on the line, but people who feel that fighting for their ship to become canon is a proxy battle for their own acceptance. 

All three of these wlw ships mean a lot to the people who ship them, and all three have been met with the desire, and occasionally demand, of canon validation as well as a heady mess of coding, accusations of queer baiting, and the lingering question of which, if any, relationships might get the same, and hopefully more explicit, validation that Korrasami had.

Let’s start this deep dive into these relationships as ships with the one that has, in canon, already been resolved.

Yep, that’s definitely a Disney twirl going on there.

One of the first points often made when the validity of a mlm or wlw ship is questioned is that, if you say an m/f couple do the same thing, no one would question that it was romantic. This makes it interesting, and sets off the shipping alarm for anyone who’s a fan of wlw ships when Tangled: The Series goes out of its way to not only give Cass and Rapunzel (ship name: Cassunzel) romantic moments like the above “Disney twirl,” but also directly parallels relationship moments that occurred between Rapunzel and her canon boyfriend/future husband Eugene (AKA Flynn Rider).

Look familiar? It’s almost a shot-for-shot remake of Rapunzel and Eugene meeting for the first time. In this episode, Cassandra accidentally wipes Rapunzel’s memory to the point where Rapunzel thinks she’s still in the tower. It plays out, in part, as “What if Cassandra had found her instead of Eugene?”--something every shipper had doubtless already asked themselves at least once.

Another major moment of paralleling between the two relationships is the endings of both the movie and the series. 

Eugene dies in the end of Tangled only to be resurrected by Rapunzel’s love. Cassandra dies in the series finale of Tangled: The Series, only to be resurrected by Rapunzel’s love. And it is love, that much is very clear.

The only debate really, is whether it’s romantic or platonic love. 

Cassandra and Rapunzel never get official validation in the show or by the executive producers. The most confirmation fans get outside of the text of the show are comments made by some people who work on the show saying that they deliberately coded Cassandra as gay as they could whenever they could.

Yet, for the most part, the creators of this show are largely given a pass by Cassunzel shippers for not making their ship canon. Most understand that, as a Disney property, many hands are tied, particularly given that, due the previous establishment both form the end of Tangled and from the short Tangled Ever After that Rapunzel and Eugene do get married. The reaction seems to largely be that Disney and the show got about as close to confirming it as they could without doing so.

So let’s transition from the show that met, and in some ways, passed expectations to one that has set expectations super high: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. 

She-Ra is perhaps one of the most lgbtqia coded shows out there right now. The first season even ends with them saving the day with a rainbow.

Here is show-runner and executive producer Noelle Stevenson on queerness in her life and She-Ra:

Yet, despite these deliberate attempts to show representation and to challenge heteronormative ideas, the show has yet to show any of its primary characters or even second tier characters in queer romantic relationships. We have seen a few parents, one pair on in a photo, and their is one married couple of women, but none of these characters are prominently featured on the show.

She-Ra has set expectations incredibly high and has yet to deliver.

Even so, part of what sets She-Ra apart from the other two shows discussed here is that there are multiple queer shipping opportunities. Catra and Adora (ship name Catradora) are one of, if not the, most popular ships, but both Catra and Adora have other female characters with which they could be just as easily shipped.

On the one hand, the pressure is pretty high to establish at least one major queer ship before the end of the show. On the other hand, the pressure is much less that the ship specifically be Catradora.

The near-certainty that there will be one or more wlw ships confirmed before the end of She-Ra means, to me, that Catradora has the greatest chance to become canon.

So, there’s Cassunzel that never really had much of a chance for canon confirmation and Catradora, which has a better chance of becoming canon, but also has less pressure to become THE ship. Where does that leave Lena and Kara?

Anyone who has been in the Supergirl fandom knows that it can feel like a battleground. While all fandoms tend to have their issues, Supergirl’s can be so contentions that it, frankly, makes watching the show less fun. This doesn’t all fall on one groups shoulders, I’ve seen nastiness from many sides over different issues. However, the biggest point of contention tends to center around the potential ship of Lena and Kara (Supercorp). 

Supercorp, as a ship, is completely valid. Kara has way more chemistry with Lena than she has had with any of her male love interests, and two of those guys were played by people whom actress Melissa Benoist was actually in relationships with (though the first was an abusive dirtbag, so lack of chemistry probably makes sense there). Lena once thanked Kara by filling her entire office with flowers. There are cuddles, and Kara’s unwavering (until recently) faith in Lena’s goodness. It’s hard not to ship them.

The issue in the fandom, is not so much that people ship Supercorp (though there are increasingly more people who have issues with the ship itself, which is something I’ll address about all three of these ships in the next post) but the vehemence with which some who ship Supercorp approach whether it will be endgame.

In a way, the frustration is understandable. Supergirl is, in many ways, a show that has made a point of including LGBTQ representation. The second season featured a multiple episode story arc of Supergirl’s adoptive sister Alex Danvers (I will stan her until the end of time) realizing she was a lesbian, coming out, and eventually starting a relationship with another woman. Supergirl also made headlines for featuring the first live-action trans superhero on tv with the introduction of Dreamer in Season 4. The trans actress who plays Dreamer, Nicole Maines, has even had input on how the character is represented including a recent episode that discussed the often ignored violence targeting trans people, particularly trans women of color.

She-Ra and Supergirl have different approaches to representation. She-Ra takes place in a fantasy world and appears to take the approach that nothing about identity or sexuality should be assumed about anyone. There is no heteronormativity in Etheria, yet no major characters are in non-m/f relationships. Supergirl on the other hand, is set in a world more similar to ours which has heteronormativity, homophobia, and transphobia, which leads to the show making episodes and story-arcs specifically about those topics while also somewhat constraining the show. There are arguments to be made about the worth of both approaches and both can serve a purpose for viewers, particularly young viewers, who are searching for characters like them in media.

So, why are the people behind Supergirl so often accused of homophobia?

I mentioned in the Blond Bulldozers section that it is a bit telling that all three shows being discussed here attempt to create diversity while having the whitest, most mainstream character as the lead. There are many who would argue that the true values of the shows are represented by their main characters, and that the rest are window dressing to try to make the show look good as a form of tokenism. The point being that shows won’t really show a commitment to diversity until the main characters are just as diverse as the rest of the cast.

These are all valid arguments. 

A less valid argument is the claim that Supercorp is being deliberately baited by the creators of the show. Queer baiting is a term that seems to have a lot of subjectivity tied up with it. The general idea is that it is when creators purposefully use queer coding or other means to inspire queer shipping of characters as a means to draw in the queer community to their show but then never delivering on that potential.

In some ways, all three of these shows could be accused of queer baiting. The direct parallels in between Cassandra/Rapunzel and Eugene/Rapunzel were no accident. The coding and “anything can happen” while very little does on She-Ra is much the same. And Supergirl is trying to center a large part of the show around the relationship between Kara and Lena, a relationship they know many of the fans see as romantic.

Yet, to me, Supergirl, is actually a less guilty party, at least when it comes to Supercorp. One can, again, argue that the canon LGBT ships and characters exist to pander and draw in those audiences, but Supercorp, I believe, genuinely came out of a place of wanting Kara to have a strong female relationship with someone other than her sister, mother, or boss, and I’m sure this falling-out was in the plans fairly early on.

Has the show completely shut down the idea? No, I don’t think they would be foolish enough to do that. But I don’t believe that it rises to the level of baiting. Shows like Sherlock or movies like Pitch Perfect 3 are, to me, much more egregious examples.

Still, as I said, I can understand the frustration of Supercorp shippers, I just feel like the level of anger directed by some not just at the creatives who make the show but at other fans as well is not fully justified. (And yes, I know “not all Supercorps” and I also know other fans have been jerks. Sanvers shippers who are being asses about Kelly are just as bad.) And who knows? I’d never say never to the ship maybe becoming canon eventually after Kara and Lena work out their issues.

That being said, all three of these ships, regardless of canon status, are incredibly popular, and I want to examine more of what that is and the reason some people are wary of these ships and the potential messages they send. This leads me to our topics for our next installment:

MY WIFE IS A BITCH AND I LIKE HER SO MUCH

and

POISON PARADISE

I will try to make the next one shorter. Also, sorry for typos, I did not give this a thorough read-through. I used all my brain power just writing it.

[tiffersthenerdyficrecs]

DabiHawks Angst Fics.

And This is Who I Really Am, a Phoenix Spitting Flame by Touya_Todoroki

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Dabi/Hawks (My Hero Academia), Iida Tensei | Ingenium/Todoroki Natsuo, Todoroki Fuyumi & Usagiyama Rumi | Miruko, Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Inko/Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Characters: Dabi (My Hero Academia), Hawks (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Touya, Todoroki Rei, Todoroki Fuyumi, Todoroki Natsuo, Todoroki Shouto, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Iida Tensei | Ingenium, Usagiyama Rumi | Miruko, Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Eri (My Hero Academia), Shinsou Hitoshi Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Domestic Fluff, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Dabi is a Todoroki, Dabi is Todoroki Touya, All of the Todoroki Siblings are Gay, Dabi and Todoroki Shouto Are Siblings, Extra Crispy Kentucky Fried Hero, Hero Dabi, hotwings, Recovery, abuse recovery, dabi has ptsd, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Moving On, Small Victories, Therapy, Prolonged Exposure Therapy, Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, Expanding on the First Book's Epilogue, Rei Todoroki is an Angel, dabihawks gift exchange, Gift Exchange, Shibari Summary: After Endeavor's trial, the Todoroki family is taking time to heal and overcome their memories of the patriarch. Touya, in particular, is having a tough time about it. Something just doesn't feel right in the back of his mind.

At least he has his pretty bird. His wings.

A journey of the Todoroki family's recovery, through the eyes of Dabi and Hawks.

crimson headache, aching blush by Inkbrush

Rating: Mature Relationships: Dabi/Hawks (My Hero Academia), Hawks/Todoroki Touya Characters: Dabi (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Touya, Hawks (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Dabi is Todoroki Touya, Dabi is Bad at Feelings (My Hero Academia), Getting Together, Enemies to Lovers, Protective Dabi (My Hero Academia), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Wings Summary: Dabi doesn't care for Hawks. He doesn't notice how his wings catch the light. he doesn't love his grinning, sharp mouth. So when Hawks begs a favour, he really doesn't want to help.

Or: When Hawks looks at him, Dabi burns.

Dead Things by Neurotoxin

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warnings: Underage, Rape/Non-Con, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Hawks/Todoroki Touya, Dabi/Hawks (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Enji | Endeavor/Todoroki Touya Characters: Hawks (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Touya Additional Tags: Childhood Friends, Pre-Canon, Alternate Universe, Heavy Angst, Bonding, Developing Friendships, Loneliness, Dabi is a Todoroki, Dabi is Todoroki Touya, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Disturbing Themes, Implied Sexual Content, Teenagers, Everyone Needs A Hug, Dissociation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Not Beta Read, Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Memory Loss, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Dreams and Nightmares, Dark subject matter, horror themes, Mythologies lore and Urban legends, descriptions of burning, Mental Instability, Suffering, Implied Medical Experimentation, Graphic Descriptions of Injuries, aftermath of abuse, Victim Blaming, Childhood Trauma, Child Neglect, Rape, Light Masochism, Child sexual grooming, Implied/Referenced Murder, Referenced arson and other crimes, Moral Dilemmas, Like this shit is really sad, really really sad, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy, Non-consensual experimentation, Attempted Murder, Hawks needs to stand up for himself, Dabi needs to chill, He has zero chill in this fic, And hes insane, And a thot, Touya is a creepy little bastard, Lil hawks is a ray of traumatized sunshine, Endeavor is literally the devil, Threats of Death, Threats of Violence, If You Think This Has A Happy Ending You Havent Been Paying Attention Summary: "Hawks met Touya on a sunny spring afternoon, at a calm lake tucked away within the peaceful company of woods and brush. Warm solitude and calm waters. The smell of fresh wild flowers and everything natural.

Touya reminded him of a ghost.

-

Hawks met Dabi on a dark fall night, at a dingy, loud alley tucked away in the midst of the bad side of town. Surrounded by the smell of trash and burnt flesh. Chaos and death.

Dabi reminded him of the dead."

Almost by quirkless_loser

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationship: Dabi/Hawks (My Hero Academia) Characters: Dabi (My Hero Academia), Hawks (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Shigaraki Tomura | Shimura Tenko, Toga Himiko, Bubaigawara Jin | Twice, League of Villains (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Dabi is Todoroki Touya, Dabi Being An Asshole (My Hero Academia), Bad Pick-Up Lines, Fluff and Angst Summary: Dabi recognizes a spy when he sees one. After all, he's been playing a double agent for a while now, and has plans to take down the League and ruin Endeavor's good name. Then the number two hero shows up and threatens Dabi's plans with his horrible acting skills. Dabi will do anything to make Hawks give up his little game. Even if he has to flirt with him to do it.

human colors by ZenzaNightwing

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Category: Gen Relationship: Hawks/Dabi (implied) Characters: Dabi (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Touya, Hawks (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Todoroki Rei, Todoroki Shouto, Todoroki Fuyumi, Toga Himiko Additional Tags: Angst, Dabi is Todoroki Touya, Songfic, Temporary Character Death, sorta - Freeform, Supernatural Elements, quirk musings, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor Being An Asshole, dabi-centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Non-Linear Narrative, Scars, Burns, Touch-Starved, Character Study Summary: Todoroki Touya burns himself alive.

He is rather disappointed to find that he isn't dead.

A series of interconnected story sections set to the song 'Favorite Color Is Blue' by Robert DeLong and K.Flay.

Canary in a Coal Mine by marreena

Rating: Explicit Categories: Gen, M/M Relationships: Dabi/Hawks (My Hero Academia), Hawks & Usagiyama Rumi | Miruko Characters: Dabi (My Hero Academia), Hawks (My Hero Academia), Usagiyama Rumi | Miruko Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Dabi is a Todoroki, Tags to be added, trans hawks, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Angst, but also fluff Summary: There’s two parts to being a hero, wanting to save people and being dumb as shit.

Hawks happened to excel at both.

Dabi brought out both of those sides of him in strides.

and we're going down, yeah, we going soon by unova

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Dabi/Hawks (My Hero Academia), Hawks/Todoroki Touya Characters: Hawks (My Hero Academia), Dabi (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Touya Additional Tags: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Dabi is Todoroki Touya, Dabi is a Todoroki, Dabi and Todoroki Shouto Are Siblings, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst Summary: “Do it,” Dabi coughs, staring up at the winged hero towering over him. Blood is trickling from his mouth, yet he still manages to grit his teeth in defiance. He growls, almost miserably, “Finish your job.”

The crimson knife trembles in Hawks’ hand. He can’t.

Or: In which Hawks is assigned to kill Dabi, but ends up falling in love with him instead.

A Hateful Way Of Living by Hightress

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Dabi/Hawks (My Hero Academia), Hawks/Todoroki Touya Characters: Dabi (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Touya, Hawks (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Shigaraki Tomura | Shimura Tenko Additional Tags: Dabi is a Todoroki, Dabi is Todoroki Touya, Dabi and Todoroki Shouto Are Siblings, Dabi (My Hero Academia)-centric, Canon Compliant, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Angst, Non-Graphic Smut, double agent hawks, Betrayal, Character Study Summary: He never expected Hawks to stab him in the back.

To Feel Alive by Alois_Trashy

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationship: Dabi/Hawks (My Hero Academia) Characters: DabiHawks - Character, Mentions of Todoroki Family Additional Tags: M to be safe with the violence, Dabi is a Todoroki, mostly angst, Hopeful Ending Summary: A part of Dabi's life told through snapshots. Each dealing with a weather pattern and one of the senses.

[its-sixxers]

“NPC” OC Meme - Carmen

Tagged by: no one hahaha I MADE THIS

Tagging: u know the drill if u see it do it + tag me

Biographical

1. Would their name remain the same?

In my canon Carmen goes by Courier more than she goes by her actual name - so in a way, sort of. She’s still Carmen, just doesn’t have any way to distance herself from it.

2. What about their family?

Her family’s death occurs before the First Battle of Hoover Dam, so they’d still be gone. :(

3. Where would they come from?

Much of her backstory would remain the same: born in the independent territories by Utah and raised on a Bighorn ranch. The whole Courier thing only kicks off later on in the timeline so until she’s in her early 20s things would be pretty much the same. As for a residence, Carmen’s a wanderer whether or not she’s the Courier. She’d be living in whatever inn room her caps can pay for or camping out somewhere safe.

4. Do they look any different?

She doesn’t get that nasty scar on her temple thanks to Benny, and probably would go without the fair share of scars she collects over time. Her skin and hair are also probably in healthier condition due to less rad exposure in the hostile environments she was required to enter into as the Courier.

Occupation 1. Are their skills the same?

Still a pretty good shot, but by no means on the level she gets to with help from Boone and her training in the NCR. Her general performance is also probably lessened as she doesn’t have the benefit of amnesia to cut out most of her trauma.

2. What do they do?

It’s likely that while she would remain a courier for a short while, due to aforementioned reasons her stint might run pretty short. I can imagine her taking up caravan guarding and other odd jobs that keep a gun in her hands and her role firmly in the sphere of ‘intimidating’ while giving her mobility and cover.

3. Are they in the same area of expertise as they are in canon?

Carmen DEFINITELY would not enlist in the NCR, and she ABSOLUTELY would not step foot on the Strip. Her skills in reading people would be put toward trying to negotiate for more pay or avoiding sketchy employers and situations rather than shaping the landscape of the Mojave. So - vaguely.

4. Are their achievements similar?

Hahaha no. Without being dragged on the absolute mess started by Benny and the platinum chip, Carmen’s entire priority system shifts to staying alive and staying off the Omerta’s radar. She’d be very happy to be a non-player in the Mojave’s political web. An achievement for her in this state would be buying a good pair of boots.

Personal 1. a)  Would they meet or befriend/fall in love with the people they do in your canon?

She might bump into Cass or Veronica while running packages or guarding caravans. Whether or not she’d solve their problems or hang around long enough to make friends is up in the air. That’s the case for most of the companions - she might bump into them if her work required it, but she wouldn’t stay and chat long.

Fixing ED-E up is a possibility and maybe she’d do the King a favor for some caps and have Rex tag along every so often.

Boone and her wouldn’t end up in the place they do with her as the Courier. Even if she had a delivery for him specifically he’d be in no state for small talk. She also wouldn’t head to the Commonwealth. Free of the mantle of responsibility for her actions, she wouldn’t feel the need to flee the Mojave and would never meet Eleanora, Glory, Shaun, or the rest of the important people in her life on the east coast. :(

b) If the answer is no, what do you think happens to those people in a world without your OC in their canon role?

Depends on if the Courier in that world cares about them in the same way Carmen does. Veronica could end up staying in the Brotherhood, Boone might be encouraged to be vengeful rather than attempt to rebuild himself - it’s up in the air.

As for the East Coast people - Eleanora wouldn’t give her actions as much thought as she does or process things properly and might end up in the same state Carmen was in - hating herself for the choices she made. Worse, Eleanora or Deacon could have ended up dead in the hell week that led up to the assault on the Institute.

Glory would probably die alone in the crypt without the Courier by her side. Shaun’s teen years would be a LOT rougher and he’d be likely to have a lot less empathy for wastelanders as a whole.

All in all - not an ideal situation.

2. Would they be happier? Is life easier, or harder?

Carmen would be without a lot of the things that contribute to her pain and mental state. She wouldn’t have a tumultuous relationship with Boone and the haunted feeling regarding leaving him behind, she wouldn’t have entered the Sierra Madre, she wouldn’t have the guilt of handing the Mojave over to the NCR.

But she’d also be able to remember her childhood - her family, what she’d lost, her teenage years enslaved and the absolute mind-bending trauma of being one of the ‘girls’ at Gomorrah as an adult. She’d be constantly looking over her shoulder for one of the Omerta’s fixers come to collect. She also wouldn’t have the good parts of her and Boone’s relationship, or the breath of fresh air and invigoration that the East Coast (and Glory) provided.

All in all? Probably unhappier, but with much less weight and expectation on her shoulders. Shittier mental state, but easier life.

3. What would they think of the person who has their role as player character?

Assuming an Independent Good Karma Courier, she’d think they were the best thing that happened to the Mojave and the human personification of luck. She’d hear rumors about them and take pretty keen interest and if she ever bumped into them she’d offer them a drink - and maybe a discount for her services as a gun-for-hire. If said Courier ended up trying to run the Mojave, though, she’d bear a fair amount of distrust and resentment. No person should have that much power, in her opinion.

Couriers who take House’s route wouldn’t have her admiration - it’s just maintaining the status quo. She can’t hate House as she doesn’t know enough about the man to do so - he’s a mystery - but if she knew the truth you better believe she’d be pretty disdainful of a Courier working for a somewhat narcissistic pre-War businessman.

NCR aligned Couriers she’d disdain even more - despite that being the route she took in my canon, without Boone she has no reason to want the organization in charge and without her memory loss she is keenly aware of what the NCR does to the groups it comes across. She’d end up fleeing the Mojave if they ended up in charge - not so far as the Commonwealth, but probably ending up in Utah or Idaho.

Legion aligned Couriers would have her deepest hatred. As a woman and former slave she has a very long list of reasons to despise the Legion, however well spoken and educated its officers may be. She might just be tempted to track down such a Courier and put a bullet in them before they make things worse. (This would end poorly and she’d end up dead, because duh, Courier.) Or she’d flee - much farther than she would with the NCR in charge but still not quite Commonwealth far, parking herself in Montana or Wyoming.

[maxxiies]

.･:*:･ﾟ’ twenty year old cis male maximillian 'maxxie' st. perez III was made in the upper east side and attended st. judes. he still resides in new york, and are currently a socialite and philanthropist. they are spontaneous utterances of useless facts, worry bitten fingernails, overlapping maps as wallpaper, astronomy projector lamps and a cozy reading nook in a personal library. onlookers say they resemble froy gutierrez.

hello my name is celia and i love this rp so much that i have taken up my last allowed character to complete some sort of deal with the devil and in exchange i will get the power to play this many characters and not experience stress. neat!

BACKSTORY 

maximillian is the first born son of the st. perez family, named after his father ( maximillian st. perez II ) ... duh that’s how that works okay 

the st perez name is linked to two things -- status and philanthropy 

in addition to running multi million dollar companies ( both his parents being CEO of their separate endeavors ) they’re also linked with tons of charities and have a joint non profit benefiting wildlife in threatened ecosystems

i like to think of them like the clooneys. successful in their own right but turning right around to make larges donations and using their status-laden voices to speak out for causes they believed in

maximillian spent his childhood doing lots of traveling for his parents’ work and for their humanitarian efforts. he grew up very well cultured and it shows

he also demonstrated unusually high intelligence and recollection abilities, prattling off stats and financial terms his parents used around him as early as four years old 

that’s also around that time that his little brother was born. he was an ‘oopsie’ baby but maximillian just loved him twice as hard because he was just sweet that way. 

anyways so maxxie started going by maxxie because his name was too much of a mouthful for his lil bro and they were :’) inseparable

somewhere in his childhood, maxxie got tested for his atypical language / comprehension abilities and that’s where they found out he’s got an eidetic memory. 

they watched his iq grow exponentially and tbh,,, they were thrilled

what a better heir than someone who remembers every single fcking detail of every single thing? already at age 10 he practically could have been hired on lol

you get the idea -- anyways, he focused all his energies on learning stupid facts because for all his big brain, he’s incredibly socially awkward as many geniuses are. he didn’t have many friends besides his little brother and spent most of his time in their library reading and rereading all the books he could find.

the st. perez family has been based in the upper east side for a long ass time but do so much travel that it’s always like ‘oh i’m back from ____ insert country here but in two weeks i’ll be gone again’ so if your character is from literally anywhere? probably could have met maxxie.

it ain’t his secret but two years ago, his beloved baby brother od’ed at a party hosted by margot & carter. he was there when it happened and was in the ambulance ride over and essentially watched the person he loved most have a complete and total collapse. we’ll unpack that more over time but let’s just say it’s given maxxie a lot of trauma to deal with and a lot of rage he doesn’t know how to process

PERSONALITY AND PASSIONS

definitely socially awkward. think reid from criminal minds just missing cues with an inability to ‘read the room’. what he lacks in social graces, he supplies in absolutely useless facts.

a lot of ‘uh... so did you know that on average, 12 newborns are given to the wrong parents every day? messy huh!’ 

some of his favorite things are travel documentaries and true crime podcasts but basically anything where he can glean large quantities of information to occupy his ever restless mind 

i’d say about 95% of him is fragile, gullible and unsure. he wasn’t bullied but he definitely didn’t have a ton of friends throughout school. in fact a lot of the time, his younger brother was probably the one who got him his friend group bc i picture him as more the charming reckless party boy sort who would understand maxxie’s,,, awkwardness

brother would get invited to parties, he’d invite maxxie. they were inseparable and i’m mad at myself for that character point 

but that 5%? the 5% that isn’t soft and awkward and lovable? grudges. when maxxie feels something, he feels it passionately and without any chance of budging. the thing about an eidetic memory is that you remember literally everything. details you may want to suppress are conjured to mind without even wanting them.

essentially a living source of receipts -- boy could be gossip girl or at least the robin to her batman

MISC

would have graduated st. jude’s early but stayed around to help as like teacher’s aides and things. also kind of needed the social exposure

experiences nightmares hardcore, most of which center around reliving his brother’s OD

probably holds stupid records like 10th fastest person in the world to solve a rubiks’ cube or 5th to know the digits of pi

he’s got serious wanderlust and gets restless when he hasn’t traveled outside of new york for long stretches of time

has a fascination with the stars, space and black holes. he likes the idea of infinity and endlessness because he feels like his head is an endless abyss that stores information without filling

he’s breezing through college courses currently set to graduate early with a degree in psychology but plans to pursue grad school and a doctorate before potentially adding math or a language degree as well.

relationship wise, he’s definitely not an avid fan of dating. he’s just not good at it. flirting makes him squirm but he also craves companionship and is a bi prince so i mean i guess date him? love him? cherish him! 

that being said i do picture him having maybe one or two soft innocent relationships over the past 6 or so years so hmu. ( still a virgin though -- just food for thought )

PLOTS 

best friend -- EMERY

fake friends 

family friends -- GIULIA, FEDE, MIA

someone he tutored -- JAMILA

unrequited crush -- GIGI

protective over him -- AUGUST

flirtationship ( probably one sided but cute ) -- FEDE

first kiss -- MIA

one or two innocent h/s / early college relationships -- CECE

unforgivable grudges -- MARGOT & CARTER rip

trying to get him out of his shell

bad influence / party buddy 

someone who reminds him of his lil bro-- THEO

uh, honestly anything ok

TRAVEL BUDDIES -- FEDE

[batenchantingcollectorsong]

The Native American tribe has the highest per-capita infection rate after New York and New Jersey but has a fraction of the resourcesEvery day the president of the Navajo nation provides a coronavirus update, and every day there’s more bad news.The Native American tribe now has the highest per-capita Covid-19 infection rate after only New York and New Jersey, and the spread is not slowing.“We are doing our very best to flatten the curve with the very limited resources we have on the Navajo nation,” president Jonathan Nez told the Guardian. “The first citizens of this country were once again pushed aside by the most powerful government in the world … but now that we’re in the headlines, US citizens are finally realising the deplorable conditions our people live in. We’re fed up. This has got to end.”As of Thursday, there were 2,757 confirmed cases for the Navajo nation – whose rural territory stretches 27,000 sq miles over the south-western Colorado plateau across Arizona, New Mexico and Utah. The official death toll stood at 88 – higher than 13 states – though the actual number of fatalities is likely to be much higher as the sickest patients requiring ventilators and intensive care are transferred to state hospitals.The virus has spread rapidly among the Navajo since the first case was confirmed at the end of March, even though the tribal government was among the first to issue a stay-at-home order, lock down schools and business, and impose evening and weekend curfews.Despite the unfolding crisis, it wasn’t until Wednesday that the nation received its portion, around $600m, of federal coronavirus relief funding. It came six weeks after it was promised and a week after the government missed a congressional deadline for distribution, and only after suing the federal government over who is eligible for the money.“We don’t have the resources of New York and New Jersey and yet it’s taken six weeks for tribes to see this money,” said Nez. “The federal response has been too slow.”This slow, inadequate response by the government is nothing new.> Today we distributed food, water, fire wood, cleaning products, masks, and more to elderly and high-risk families in Pueblo Pintado and Torreon, NM to help fight COVID-19! Working together, we provided items to 222 families! Ahe’hee’ pic.twitter.com/gISlFgy3Ru> > — Navajo Nation President Jonathan Nez (@NNPrezNez) April 29, 2020The US has repeatedly violated its treaty obligations by failing to adequately fund healthcare, education, housing, economic development and agricultural assistance for tribal nations, according to the National Congress of American Indians.As a result, the Navajo nation is beset with widespread structural, economic and health injustices which have helped coronavirus spread and hampered efforts to curtail it.Take housing. It’s been extremely challenging to quarantine infected individuals because of inadequate basic infrastructure and widespread overcrowding, according to tribal council delegate Amber Kanazbah Crotty.In part, the latter is down to cultural norms which mean multiple generations often live together, but it’s also due to chronic housing shortages, complex federal restrictions on construction, high unemployment and poverty on the reservation.In tribal areas, 16% of American Indian and Alaska Native households live in overcrowded conditions – eight times the rate of the rest of the population.“We don’t have enough hospital beds for individuals to recover, so we’ve had to send people home where the virus is spread,” said Nez. After multiple family outbreaks, up to 150 coronavirus patients will now be temporarily housed in three converted community gyms, instead of being sent home.It’s not just the quantity of homes, it’s also about quality. About 30% of people do not have electricity, and so cook and heat their homes by burning coal or wood which irritates the lungs – potentially exacerbating the risk of severe Covid-19. That’s on top of high rates of lung disease caused by decades of exposure to uranium mines.In addition, depending on the season, as many as 40% do not have running water, according to research by the John Hopkins Centre for American Indian Health (CAIH). And the vast reservation is a food desert, with only 13 grocery stores, which means some people travel up to 150 miles to shop.“Social distancing isn’t simple, when people have to move to survive,” said Kanazbah Crotty.As a result, the average age for coronavirus cases among the Navajo is just 45 years old, according to Crystalyne Curley, spokeswoman for the operational command centre.Unsurprisingly, perhaps, the lack of running water increases the risk of infectious diseases. But the crisis is also linked to childhood obesity – the number one risk factor for type 2 diabetes, which is seven times more common in native youth than the general population, according to Dr Allison Barlow, the CAIH director.“The clash of historic traumas, accumulated stressors and poor social determinants cannot be underestimated in what we’re seeing now with coronavirus. There’s such a complex constellation of risks piled up and chronic underfunding is part of that puzzle,” said Barlow.According to Laura Hammitt, an infectious diseases specialist, the emerging epidemiological data suggests Covid-19 infections are more common and more severe in younger Navajo people than the general population. This is partly linked to underlying medical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and respiratory conditions – which are more prevalent among younger Native Americans than non-Natives. The average age of those who have died is 66 – significantly younger than in the US as a whole.The tribe continues to struggle to obtain enough testing kits and PPE, especially gowns and masks, and has been forced to rely on private donors including the actor Sean Penn. Contact tracing is also still very limited, though a training program is now under way.Still, Nez has come under pressure from some local mayors to reopen tourist attractions, as states look towards easing lockdown restrictions despite public health warningsNez added: “Lots of states are risking second spikes by not following professional advice. I love my people and we are not going to reopen prematurely.”

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines https://ift.tt/3drLHyf

[newseveryhourly]

The Native American tribe has the highest per-capita infection rate after New York and New Jersey but has a fraction of the resourcesEvery day the president of the Navajo nation provides a coronavirus update, and every day there’s more bad news.The Native American tribe now has the highest per-capita Covid-19 infection rate after only New York and New Jersey, and the spread is not slowing.“We are doing our very best to flatten the curve with the very limited resources we have on the Navajo nation,” president Jonathan Nez told the Guardian. “The first citizens of this country were once again pushed aside by the most powerful government in the world … but now that we’re in the headlines, US citizens are finally realising the deplorable conditions our people live in. We’re fed up. This has got to end.”As of Thursday, there were 2,757 confirmed cases for the Navajo nation – whose rural territory stretches 27,000 sq miles over the south-western Colorado plateau across Arizona, New Mexico and Utah. The official death toll stood at 88 – higher than 13 states – though the actual number of fatalities is likely to be much higher as the sickest patients requiring ventilators and intensive care are transferred to state hospitals.The virus has spread rapidly among the Navajo since the first case was confirmed at the end of March, even though the tribal government was among the first to issue a stay-at-home order, lock down schools and business, and impose evening and weekend curfews.Despite the unfolding crisis, it wasn’t until Wednesday that the nation received its portion, around $600m, of federal coronavirus relief funding. It came six weeks after it was promised and a week after the government missed a congressional deadline for distribution, and only after suing the federal government over who is eligible for the money.“We don’t have the resources of New York and New Jersey and yet it’s taken six weeks for tribes to see this money,” said Nez. “The federal response has been too slow.”This slow, inadequate response by the government is nothing new.> Today we distributed food, water, fire wood, cleaning products, masks, and more to elderly and high-risk families in Pueblo Pintado and Torreon, NM to help fight COVID-19! Working together, we provided items to 222 families! Ahe’hee’ pic.twitter.com/gISlFgy3Ru> > — Navajo Nation President Jonathan Nez (@NNPrezNez) April 29, 2020The US has repeatedly violated its treaty obligations by failing to adequately fund healthcare, education, housing, economic development and agricultural assistance for tribal nations, according to the National Congress of American Indians.As a result, the Navajo nation is beset with widespread structural, economic and health injustices which have helped coronavirus spread and hampered efforts to curtail it.Take housing. It’s been extremely challenging to quarantine infected individuals because of inadequate basic infrastructure and widespread overcrowding, according to tribal council delegate Amber Kanazbah Crotty.In part, the latter is down to cultural norms which mean multiple generations often live together, but it’s also due to chronic housing shortages, complex federal restrictions on construction, high unemployment and poverty on the reservation.In tribal areas, 16% of American Indian and Alaska Native households live in overcrowded conditions – eight times the rate of the rest of the population.“We don’t have enough hospital beds for individuals to recover, so we’ve had to send people home where the virus is spread,” said Nez. After multiple family outbreaks, up to 150 coronavirus patients will now be temporarily housed in three converted community gyms, instead of being sent home.It’s not just the quantity of homes, it’s also about quality. About 30% of people do not have electricity, and so cook and heat their homes by burning coal or wood which irritates the lungs – potentially exacerbating the risk of severe Covid-19. That’s on top of high rates of lung disease caused by decades of exposure to uranium mines.In addition, depending on the season, as many as 40% do not have running water, according to research by the John Hopkins Centre for American Indian Health (CAIH). And the vast reservation is a food desert, with only 13 grocery stores, which means some people travel up to 150 miles to shop.“Social distancing isn’t simple, when people have to move to survive,” said Kanazbah Crotty.As a result, the average age for coronavirus cases among the Navajo is just 45 years old, according to Crystalyne Curley, spokeswoman for the operational command centre.Unsurprisingly, perhaps, the lack of running water increases the risk of infectious diseases. But the crisis is also linked to childhood obesity – the number one risk factor for type 2 diabetes, which is seven times more common in native youth than the general population, according to Dr Allison Barlow, the CAIH director.“The clash of historic traumas, accumulated stressors and poor social determinants cannot be underestimated in what we’re seeing now with coronavirus. There’s such a complex constellation of risks piled up and chronic underfunding is part of that puzzle,” said Barlow.According to Laura Hammitt, an infectious diseases specialist, the emerging epidemiological data suggests Covid-19 infections are more common and more severe in younger Navajo people than the general population. This is partly linked to underlying medical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and respiratory conditions – which are more prevalent among younger Native Americans than non-Natives. The average age of those who have died is 66 – significantly younger than in the US as a whole.The tribe continues to struggle to obtain enough testing kits and PPE, especially gowns and masks, and has been forced to rely on private donors including the actor Sean Penn. Contact tracing is also still very limited, though a training program is now under way.Still, Nez has come under pressure from some local mayors to reopen tourist attractions, as states look towards easing lockdown restrictions despite public health warningsNez added: “Lots of states are risking second spikes by not following professional advice. I love my people and we are not going to reopen prematurely.”

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines https://ift.tt/3drLHyf

[lorajackson]

Navajo Nation reels under weight of coronavirus – and history of neglect

The Native American tribe has the highest per-capita infection rate after New York and New Jersey but has a fraction of the resourcesEvery day the president of the Navajo Nation provides a coronavirus update, and every day there’s more bad news.The Native American tribe now has the highest per-capita Covid-19 infection rate after only New York and New Jersey, and the spread is not slowing.“We are doing our very best to flatten the curve with the very limited resources we have on the Navajo Nation,” president Jonathan Nez told the Guardian. “The first citizens of this country were once again pushed aside by the most powerful government in the world … but now that we’re in the headlines, US citizens are finally realising the deplorable conditions our people live in. We’re fed up. This has got to end.”As of Thursday, there were 2,757 confirmed cases for the Navajo Nation – whose rural territory stretches 27,000 square miles over the south-western Colorado plateau across Arizona, New Mexico and Utah. The official death toll stood at 88 – higher than 13 states – though the actual number of fatalities is likely to be much higher as the sickest patients requiring ventilators and intensive care are transferred to state hospitals.The virus has spread rapidly among the Navajo since the first case was confirmed at the end of March, even though the tribal government was among the first to issue a stay-at-home order, lock down schools and business, and impose evening and weekend curfews.Despite the unfolding crisis, it wasn’t until Wednesday that the Nation received its portion, around $600m, of federal coronavirus relief funding. It came six weeks after it was promised and a week after the government missed a congressional deadline for distribution, and only after being sued over who is eligible for the money.“We don’t have the resources of New York and New Jersey and yet it’s taken six weeks for tribes to see this money,” said Nez. “The federal response has been too slow.”This slow, inadequate response by the government is nothing new.> Today we distributed food, water, fire wood, cleaning products, masks, and more to elderly and high-risk families in Pueblo Pintado and Torreon, NM to help fight COVID-19! Working together, we provided items to 222 families! Ahe’hee’ pic.twitter.com/gISlFgy3Ru> > — Navajo Nation President Jonathan Nez (@NNPrezNez) April 29, 2020The US has repeatedly violated its treaty obligations by failing to adequately fund healthcare, education, housing, economic development and agricultural assistance for tribal nations, according to the National Congress of American Indians.As a result, the Navajo Nation is beset with widespread structural, economic and health injustices which have helped coronavirus spread and hampered efforts to curtail it.Take housing. It’s been extremely challenging to quarantine infected individuals because of inadequate basic infrastructure and widespread overcrowding, according to tribal council delegate Amber Kanazbah Crotty.In part, the latter is down to cultural norms which mean multiple generations often live together, but it’s also due to chronic housing shortages, complex federal restrictions on construction, high unemployment and poverty on the reservation.In tribal areas, 16% of American Indian and Alaska Native households live in overcrowded conditions – eight times the rate of the rest of the population.“We don’t have enough hospital beds for individuals to recover, so we’ve had to send people home where the virus is spread,” said Nez. After multiple family outbreaks, up to 150 coronavirus patients will now be temporarily housed in three converted community gyms, instead of being sent home.It’s not just the quantity of homes, it’s also about quality. About 30% of people do not have electricity, and so cook and heat their homes by burning coal or wood which irritates the lungs – potentially exacerbating the risk of severe Covid-19. That’s on top of high rates of lung disease caused by decades of exposure to uranium mines.In addition, depending on the season, as many as 40% do not have running water, according to research by the John Hopkins Centre for American Indian Health (CAIH). And the vast reservation is a food desert, with only 13 grocery stores, which means some people travel up to 150 miles to shop.“Social distancing isn’t simple, when people have to move to survive,” said Kanazbah Crotty.As a result, the average age for coronavirus cases among the Navajo is just 45 years old, according to Crystalyne Curley, spokeswoman for the operational command centre.Unsurprisingly perhaps, the lack of running water increases the risk of infectious diseases. But the crisis is also linked to childhood obesity – the number one risk factor for type 2 diabetes, which is seven times more common in native youth than the general population, according to Dr Allison Barlow, CAIH director.“The clash of historic traumas, accumulated stressors and poor social determinants cannot be underestimated in what we’re seeing now with coronavirus. There’s such a complex constellation of risks piled up and chronic underfunding is part of that puzzle,” said Barlow.According to Laura Gammitt, an infectious diseases specialist, the emerging epidemiological data suggests Covid-19 infections are more common and more severe in younger Navajo people than the general population. This is partly linked to underlying medical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and respiratory conditions – which are more prevalent among younger Native Americans than non-Natives. The average age of those who have died is 66 – significantly younger than in the US as a whole.The tribe continues to struggle to obtain enough testing kits and PPE, especially gowns and masks, and has been forced to rely on private donors including the actor Sean Penn. Contact tracing is also still very limited, though a training program is now under way.Still, Nez has come under pressure from some local mayors to reopen tourist attractions, as states look towards easing lockdown restrictions despite public health warningsNez added: “Lots of states are risking second spikes by not following professional advice. I love my people and we are not going to reopen prematurely.”

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Understanding How PTSD Can Become Post-Traumatic Growth: Part 1

The Self Improvement Blog | Self Esteem | Self Confidence

We hear a lot these days about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), especially related to the military but also in relation to anyone who has experienced severe trauma. It is important that we understand what these individuals are suffering and I would like to tell you my story.

In the early 1980’s, my Monday evenings were spent as co-leader of an open-ended therapy and support group for Vietnam veterans at the Memphis Vet Center, a storefront clinic and service center housed in downtown Memphis. The Vet Centers were the VA’s program to make services more intimate and available to veterans separate from the larger VA hospitals

Group sizes ranged from 3 to 20 participants, homeless vets alongside retired officers. Most attendees came to only a couple of sessions, but there was a sizable block who were “regulars” attending dozens of sessions in the 3 years I was involved in leading the group.

Most group participants had psychological and behavioral problems associated with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. But as I listened to them talk about themselves and to each other, the most valuable lessons I learned from these veterans had more to do with their strengths than their weaknesses. First, one of the biggest tragedies of their military experience was not necessarily the PTSD symptoms of heightened anxiety, moodiness, nightmares, flashbacks, shame and/or horror of having witnessed or committed horrible acts.  For many, the worst outcome of serving in that war was being robbed of the value system they believed prior to their service.

Most Vietnam veterans volunteered in order to contribute to a cause they thought noble and worth their sacrifice: to protect a democratic way of life by providing a check on Communism. Unfortunately, after serving, many vets concluded that their sacrifice had been wasted by politicized leadership agendas and military tactics that made little sense. The veterans were disillusioned because they began to see they were being used by their country, rather than serving their country.

Moreover, when those combatants returned home, their patriotism was attacked and shamed by the process of citizens involved a war-protest movement.  Home was a place in which the vets no longer fit. They were hurting, alone and bitter about what they had seen and done. The ideals upon which they had decided to serve had been shattered. In the resulting “values vacuum,” only the misery of powerful PTSD symptoms was left.   Additionally, they were rarely taught how to replace or renew the compromised values system.

A second thing I learned from those Vietnam Veterans was the importance of the “platoon”, usually a squad of 10 or 12 men. Even though together for only 13 months, the bond that quickly developed among the platoon was very powerful and motivating. It was not uncommon in the group sessions to hear men talk about how much they cared for the others in their basic small unit. In fact, often it was only other vets these men felt comfortable with and/or trusted.

I came to realize the healing power in those small groups. The Memphis Vet Center Monday Night Therapy and Support group became a “platoon” where vets could work with each other to rediscover or replace their lost values. Once they accomplished this values clarification, many found more strength to cope with the symptoms of PTSD because they became more receptive to learning the cognitive and behavioral skills helpful in rebuilding life after trauma.

Traumatic Experiences Change What Victims Consider Valuable/Important in Life

Since those days at the Vet Center, I have been honored to be involved in the treatment of many other folks who had traumatic events in their lives, including Childhood Sexual Abuse, motor vehicle accidents, crime victimization, natural disasters, and sexual assault.  A common feature of these trauma survivors is this loss of belief in previously-held values. Values can be defined as life activities or behavioral outcomes considered important, even vital, in a healthy life.  A partial list of values considered essential to healthy living would include but not be limited to perseverance, respect, honor, love, sacrifice, truth, freedom, compassion, bravery, kindness, wisdom, safety and trust. Clarity about what is important in life is often changed for trauma victims. Like the combat veterans’ loss of guiding patriotic values, survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) spend the first 8–10 years of life learning trust, only to find that it was no more authentic than a politician’s promise. Many battered spouses go through life in fear for their physical safety, only to have such fears confirmed by violence, thus eliminating a valuable sense of security. A vacuum is formed where once there was a strongly-held belief about an important feature of life. Without a sense of knowing what is important in life, trauma victims find less motivation to engage in the hard work of facing unpleasant symptoms. Avoiding the constant negative symptoms becomes their main focus of life.

Even a brief examination of the history of humans shows an incredible capacity to cope with the most dire of circumstances when focused on values meaningful to the culture or social group at large. In the absence of those values, coping with hardship is greatly reduced, maybe even non-existent. Individuals have sacrificed much, even their own lives, when pursuing the “higher good.”  But when not clear about that great good, victims tend to remain stuck in self-preoccupation. The values vacuum must be addressed to find increased motivation and strength in coping post-trauma. Since the main method by which we learn values in the first place is through social interaction with important people in our lives, group process is a powerful mechanism by which victims can examine changed values systems and begin to renew and replace them.

Rates of Trauma and Overcoming It

A recent study (Kilpatrick, et al, 2013) reveals that over 80% of 3000 people surveyed report having experienced a major trauma. 80%! These traumas include physical or sexual abuse-53%; death of a family member due to violence-51%; natural disaster-50%; accident/fire-48%; witnessing physical or sexual assault-33%; and combat or warzone exposure-8%.

Most victims of trauma (including most veterans of military combat) “get over it” in 12-18 months. But 20% don’t. They develop PTSD. What is the difference between the 80% who adjust and the 20 % who can’t “get over it”?

An entire article can and should be devoted to the complicated concept of “getting over it.” For starters, even if victims can get past the trauma, their life narrative is forever changed. Plus, somewhere between 40-60% of folks who have a life trauma end up eventually saying that their life is better for it: an outcome called post-traumatic growth (Calhoun and Tedeschi, 2103).

In fact, if one thinks about it, a good question to consider is WHY IS THERE NOT MORE PTSD, if over 80% of people report having had trauma in life?  My experience with Vietnam veterans and other trauma survivors has led me to the conclusion that folks who “get over it” address the destruction of their values system in some kind of group interaction, formal or otherwise.

Changes to One’s Life Narrative

PTSD is a disorder of “being stuck” in a never-ending cycle of avoiding the unpleasant experiences, believing and/or trusting in nothing once-valued and a lack of belief that something can be done to change this cycle (self-efficacy).

In order to overcome the effects of trauma, a victim can’t just learn new skills to cope. The altered values system must be addressed. The sad fact of the matter is that traumatic experience drastically changes one’s life narrative. The purpose and meaning of the life traumatized are shaken to the core.

The narrative of a life can be going along great, maybe even according to one’s life plan, and then WHAM!—a trauma happens, and the narrative changes. Before trauma, a glimpse of the internal dialogue might be summarized as “Everything is okay/I’m in charge/I like my life/ I have hope/this is fun, if not hard.” After trauma, however, it becomes “The hurt is unbearable/I can see no end to it/I can’t do anything to stop this pain/others don’t understand/nothing matters anyway/my life is awful/I’m awful/HELP/leave me alone.”

That changed narrative must be re-written to include a new story line, one that rediscovers or replaces the lost value system. The second half of this two-part article examines the process of how one’s internal dialogue creates a life narrative and how that life narrative can be changed so that post-trauma reactions can become post-trauma growth.

About the Author

Dr. Jaremko has taught clinical psychology at the University level for almost 20 years. This academic activity has been balanced by the operation of an independent practice of clinical psychology for over 25 years. He estimates having taught over 2000 students through the years and delivered over 35000 hours of psychological services to around 10,000 clients. He has over 30 publications and nearly a hundred presentations at professional meetings on stress and trauma. In addition, chemical dependency and dual diagnosis has been a point of focus in his clinical practice. He, along with Beth Felhbaum-a trauma survivor, have written Trauma Recovery: Sessions with Dr. Matt: Narratives of Hope and resilience for Victims with PTSD which is available for pre-order and will be launched in December, 2018.

There’s More

We hope you begin to investigate this approach to trauma recovery through rearranging social interaction in healthy and progressive ways. Our new book, Trauma Recovery: Sessions with Dr. Matt is one way to visualize such a journey in that it describes in detail the narratives of seven trauma victims whose interactions with a therapist and each other achieved the needed changes to recover from trauma. While the book is on sale at Amazon and other booksellers, both Matt and Beth are committed to making a copy of the book available to anyone who is not able to afford its purchase. We can be contacted through our website, drmattbook.com. Please visit the Matt E. Jaremko author page on Facebook for more trauma recovery information.

Understanding How PTSD Can Become Post-Traumatic Growth: Part 1 published first on https://bitspiritspace.tumblr.com/

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FULL DISCLOSURE: As an adult, I’ve only ever really invested in one piece of non-comics art, a painting (Psychedelic Self-Portrait, 2012) by Aline Kominsky-Crumb, the self-described “grandmother” of autobiographical comics. Those who have read her stories know that Kominsky-Crumb spent parts of her early life grappling with an artistic interest and ambition that was at times encouraged and at other times stifled by those — family, lovers, handsy male art professors — around her. While Kominsky-Crumb ultimately found her calling in the wildly confessional, wryly self-deprecating, and always entertaining comics that have been collected, in part, in her book Love That Bunch, her fine arts sensibility — and especially her investment in portraiture — is never far outside the picture.

Kominsky-Crumb’s characters and settings, drawn in an expressive style as willfully intense as the sometimes shocking, often boundary-pushing content of her work, are studies in the contradictions that make up individual inner lives. Her alter egos’ moods fluctuate, from deep self-loathing to keen self-admiration to an assortment of anxious and unanxious states in between. The Bunch (her most often recurring alter ego) takes care of her body’s appearance, but, she wonders in front of hand-drawn mirrors, does this make her overly obsessed and superficial? Her protagonists worry about what others think, but they are also often pictured in flagrante delicto (popping a zit; joyfully being mounted by a husband; seething at a mother or even, though far less frequently, at a young daughter). For me, as for the many who have been captivated by Kominsky-Crumb’s work, the attraction is in the exposure, in the ways her comics get readers to think in new ways about common themes and subjects — sex, love, money, family, trauma, work, aging, motherhood — that are so often represented in tired, masking clichés.

On a sunny day in early May 2018, I called Kominsky-Crumb from my Brooklyn, New York, apartment to speak to her at her friend’s house in the desert in Tucson, Arizona, where she was staying on a brief four-day break from her book tour. Since the 1990s, she has been living, with her husband and earlier also with their daughter, in France.

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TAHNEER OKSMAN: I want to start by asking you how this expanded 2018 edition of your 1990 collection Love That Bunch came about. It’s a large hardcover. The design is careful and beautiful. Can you tell me the story of how it happened?

ALINE KOMINSKY-CRUMB: I ran into Peggy Burns at the Angoulême Comics Festival a few years back. We had a drink together, and she said to me, “I’ve just become the editor at Drawn & Quarterly, and one of the things I really want to do is a book of your work.” I said, “If you do it, I’ll do a new, long story for it too.” I did a new cover and endpapers, and I really got excited about it. It’s such a nice version of my work. And I’m old enough now to appreciate the attention.

I was very taken by the cover image of the book, a portrait which is a lot less expressionist than your comics. It looks more like a painting than a cartoon version of you. Why did you decide on that cover?

It’s because that’s who I am now. I’ve been teaching yoga for 25 years, and I have a very different feeling about my body, myself. A different self-image. And that cover reflects who I am now. I felt like, how can I draw what I was 30 years ago, or 40 years ago? I am that person but I’m an evolved, different version of that.

Reading the book from start to finish (which involved a lot of rereading of pieces you had published in different contexts and over three or four decades), I was struck by how many of the themes persisted throughout those years. I was also struck by how often the Bunch’s childhood seemed to come up again and again in different iterations. Why do you think these themes have stayed relevant in your work over time? How does it feel to look back on this body of work?

This collection seems very complete. I feel a great sense of relief that it exists. It covers a lot of territory, and it’s a good representation of my career as a cartoonist.

It’s not like there’s a direct evolutionary line. It goes all over the place, and keeps going back to things. There’s a period of time where you feel better, a period where you feel worse. Where you’re fatter, where you’re not in touch with your body, where you’re drinking too much, doing too many drugs, whatever it is. And I think the work reflects those different periods, but I think there’s a general trend toward fulfillment and self-awareness. Some of the early images are really out there — I was so crazy then, I was just trying to rebel against my upbringing completely. I had so much pain and so much anger. Those stories are very painful, very anger-driven. Some of the later stories are not quite so full of venom as the earlier work.

I was wondering too about how that notorious “monster” image of Blabette — the character who represents your mother — was included in this blown-up version in the index. I’ve heard you talk in the past about how that image caused you some trouble when your mother saw it.

That was the book designer’s decision, but I said it was okay because it was a very significant image in my early years. Now I get along great with my mother. She’s 90, and she’s really a character. I’ve developed a lot of compassion for her, thinking and realizing what she went through as a young mother with a pathological husband who was a liar and criminal. And she was 19 when I was born. Having been a mother and having lived a lot longer than when I first wrote those stories about her, I have much more compassion.

She also had a second husband, after my father died, and she took care of him when he was very old. She was such a wonderful caretaker that I think she evolved because of that, and I think I saw her differently after that, how much compassion she had. It made me love her and accept her so much more. And now we get along great — we enjoy each other and we have fun together. I spent February with her in Miami, Florida. We went to the gym together; we did yoga together. She schlepped to the Everglades with me to look at wild animals, which she never does. We went shopping together and we had lots of dinners with friends and family. I really had a good time.

I was interested in some of your depictions of motherhood in your comics — both the ways you depict Blabette and seeing the Bunch as a mother. I’m a new-ish mother, and it still seems rare today — though a lot less so — to get accurate and genuine depictions of some of the negative emotions and experiences involved in motherhood. How do you think being a mother affected your relationship to your work?

Robert and I both being egotistical artists, both of us felt like we were doing much more childcare than we should and neither of us felt like we had enough time to work. It was the worst that we’d ever gotten along in our whole relationship. We kind of hated each other during that early time.

And the thing that was the hardest for me, and sent me into years of therapy, was that my love for her, which was overwhelming, was painful instead of pleasurable. I couldn’t deal with that and so I went into therapy and what I finally realized, which was pretty obvious, is that I didn’t feel that from my mother. When I felt so much love for my daughter, I guess I realized I didn’t get that from my mother. So it made me feel pain rather than pleasure. And I worked on that a lot.

I think I was able to become a better mother as time went on, but in the early stages it was very difficult for me. I loved her so much — I felt like my heart had been moved to the outside of my body, and it could be pierced so easily by anything. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life as when she was a baby. It was the most overwhelming thing I’ve ever experienced. My pregnancy was easy, the birth was easy, but then when she was there, it was so hard.

Sophie now has three children. She is the most natural, best mother. And she recently said to me, “Yeah, but you were such a great mother, that’s why it’s easy for me.” I said, “Really?” I realized that I did a much better job than I thought I was doing at the time, and she does a lot of things now that I did then. I was a real hippie and I was very organic and I had cloth diapers and I hung them out in the sun and I had chickens and goats. I was really back-to-the-land California hippie. And she’s a lot like that, but in France. Being a grandmother and seeing Sophie as a mother has been a wonderful experience for me. And it has reinforced the fact that I was not a total fuck-up. At the time, I felt really inadequate and unprepared and very bad at motherhood.

I also felt guilty because I was thinking about my art and I was editing Weirdo magazine and I was doing a lot of comics then. It was the peak of my work phase of comics, and I was very productive before that. It was difficult, but I stayed productive throughout her childhood. I was able to do it somehow. Eventually, we got some childcare, but not for a while. I was too scared to leave her with anybody. And I breastfed for a long time. But gradually things got easier.

Your character talks a lot about the influence of creativity in her life. Sometimes she seems to have this kind of ambition, to produce work and be known, but sometimes she just seems to want to be able to do her work and be left alone. Other times, she wants to focus on life and love and sex. What role do you think ambition has played in your life, or your autobiographical characters’ lives?

I think I was in general ambition-impaired. But I think women have a harder time than men. For me, I’m very domestically oriented. I run a tight ship of a house and I really enjoy doing all of the domestic things, like cooking and gardening. It’s very time-consuming, but it’s also deeply satisfying. For all of my life, I’ve been torn between those kinds of “female,” domestic activities — they are totally satisfying to me — and wanting to get my voice out there in the world and participate in the general culture and have my say. I don’t think I ever had ambition in terms of caring about money or getting into movies or TV or whatever. But I do think I wanted to leave something, for posterity, in the culture. Say something. So I had that drive.

But then, I was also totally obsessed with sex and approval from men and wanting to have fun and taking drugs. All of it. It was all simultaneously going on, and there was a lot of conflict.

The way you describe it, you seem somehow more balanced than many people, who sort of zero in on one thing or the other.

Well, I managed to eke out some kind of body of work. And I managed not to be such a terrible mother, and to have a clean house. [Laughs.]

That’s superhero status, right there.

I think so too, a little bit. I was just helping my friend skim her pool, and I was thinking, I love doing this. I love working in my garden. I love cleaning and making order and aesthetic beauty in the house. It is a gratifying creative thing to me, along with everything else. I love decorating — I’m redoing another house. I take these old houses and make them beautiful again. I find that very satisfying also. It’s hard to say that one thing is necessarily more important than another.

You seem always to fluctuate between making comics and doing other stuff. This includes yoga and home decoration, but also working in other art forms, like the video and art show you collaborated on with your friend Dominique Sapel (Miami Makeover: Almost Anything for Beauty, 2012), and the paintings you do. How do you know when it’s time to make comics, or when it’s time to do something else?

Stories tend to fester in my brain and soul until they need to come out. After I’ve been working on comics for a while, and it’s so restrictive and uptight — it’s all black-and-white, these little boxes — after a while I have a huge desire to break out and do something in color. Either work on my house or decorate my house or do paintings. It kind of goes in cycles, and one reacts to the other. And then if I’ve only been working on my house, I might find I need to do something more meaningful and intellectual, and stop and go in my studio.

Sometimes I feel crazy, like I’m running from one to the other. But on the other hand, one thing informs the other. It’s also seasonal. When the spring comes, I want to start planting flowers like crazy. I feel more out there and I don’t want to be confined inside, so I work less. Now I have three grandkids, so I play with the children a lot and take care of them to help Sophie. And I love that too. That’s also creative and satisfying.

Another issue that comes up a lot in your work, and seems to be a uniting theme of the new story you included in Love That Bunch, “Dream House,” is money and class. Why do you think you have such an interest in the topic?

My grandparents were very successful and very comfortable and for the first five years of my life they lived in a big house and I was there a lot. I was very influenced by my grandmother, who had impeccable 1920s furniture. She was very elegant. She dressed beautifully. My fashion and decorating sense definitely come from her. Then when I was five, my parents moved to a very modern 1950s house and my father was a bum and a pathological liar and he never had any money. But they moved to a very fancy area where everyone had money and we had no money and I was always ashamed of my parents and my house and my outfits. I think part of my obsession with it was being in a place where everyone had that stuff and I didn’t, and feeling very inferior.

Later, when the 1960s came, I realized that was all bullshit, all of it, and I was kind of angry about having been raised in such a horrible place with such bad values. I had to deal with those things for a very long time in order to come to terms with them. And gradually, Robert and I developed our own reality with our own values and a bohemian lifestyle. We were poor at times, we had money at times. But that wasn’t what made our life rich. We found other ways of being rich, and that was cultural and trading things with people and being able to grow things and eating our own food and being able to fix things ourselves. We discovered a whole other way of life that had nothing to do with how I grew up. Gradually, I evolved beyond my upbringing. But in the beginning, having been subject to that value system and not having the tools or the equipment to deal with it was a very painful and difficult thing.

Lots of critics have focused on the traumas you depict in your work: sexual and physical and emotional violence. I noticed, in rereading your work in this new form, that there were several stories throughout the book that touched on issues of grief. One was about the loss of your father, another was about the loss of a grandparent. And there was a bit, toward the end, in your new story, that seemed to touch on grief in relation to your brother’s life and your relationship with him. All of this is done with your characteristically over-the-top sense of humor interspersed throughout. Why do you think you’re so drawn to the comedic, even when writing and drawing about these darker topics and themes?

I can’t tell a story unless there’s humor involved. I was raised with stand-up comics in New York, like Jackie Mason, Joey Bishop, Alan King, Henny Youngman, and Don Rickles. That kind of humor is really soulful to me. There’s a history of Jewish humor and storytelling where it’s somewhat self-deprecating. There’s pain and pleasure involved, but there’s also always this fatalistic dark humor about all of it. That’s what makes me want to tell a story — when I can see all of those sides to it.

I could see the absurdity of some of these grief rituals. Like, you’re sitting shiva and instead of sitting on wooden benches they give you cardboard boxes and my overweight relatives caved in the boxes. It’s almost this incredible social commentary about family deterioration at the same time. While I was grieving with my family, as it was happening, I was also thinking, my god, this is unbelievable. I’m really interested in these things happening simultaneously. That’s what makes a story to me: weaving together all of those details and contradictions because that’s how life is. It’s not linear, there’s not one theme. You’re weaving a tapestry. That’s what’s good art to me. And literature too. That’s what I want to read myself.

Are you thinking of any literature in particular? What do you read?

I read a lot of comics. I love Phoebe Gloeckner and Julie Doucet. Alison Bechdel, Carol Tyler. I love Chester Brown and I love Dan Clowes and Chris Ware and all these artists. And I love Lena Dunham and Broad City and Amy Sedaris.

I think it’s all linear, from my work to that. Whether or not they read my work, it’s in the collective unconscious and that autobiographical style of work has developed and spread. I’m always interested in reading that kind of stuff. One of my favorite writers is Jean Rhys. And I also like John Fante and Bukowski and writers from that period, too.

Lately I’ve been trying to keep up with The New Yorker and journalism because I’m so concerned with what’s happening in the United States. So I’ve been reading nonfiction since Trump got elected, to try to figure out what’s going on, and listening to good radio shows too, which I stream from France. I can’t ignore it.

I’ve spoken with a lot of cartoonists who like listening to radio while they work.

Yes. I listen to radio while I’m drawing. I can’t listen to it when I’m writing, but when I’m drawing I’ll stream NPR. I go to KQED in San Francisco, I go to KCRW in Los Angeles, I go to WNYC in New York. I go all over the country to try and figure things out. I also listen to BBC and French radio stations. I listen to ARTE Radio, which is German and French, and I try and get as much input as I can. Especially having grandkids, I wanna have some hope. I do have hope — I have hope that young women are going to take over from the fucked-up old white men, and that’s my hope.

This leads nicely into another question I had, which is about role models and mentorship. In one of your pieces about being in art school, you show the Bunch having a female art professor and finally feeling encouraged in her work, at least for a time. You’ve also been an important role model and champion of autobiographical comics for lots and lots of cartoonists — from Phoebe Gloeckner and Julie Doucet to Gabrielle Bell and Lauren Weinstein and Vanessa Davis. Could you talk about role models and mentorship — whether you feel like you had any, and what, if anything, you feel is your role as a pioneering creator?

I came from a fine arts background and started as a painter. My role models were Frida Kahlo and Alice Neel. Those were the two who influenced me most in terms of my style and how I saw I could express myself. And then Justin Green also, who wrote Binky Brown Meets the Holy Virgin Mary (1972), the first autobiographical comic as far as I know. He influenced me a lot. When I first went to San Francisco, I went there to meet him because I was very influenced by his work.

I also loved Little Lulu comics when I was a kid. Those were the only comics I really read a lot. And I think of Little Lulu as an early feminist character — she was tough and strong, and I really liked that a lot.

I have had friends in my life, too, who were strong women, who have had an influence on me — some older friends. I had one friend who passed away. She said things to me in my life at moments when it was really important. And I have one cousin who is younger than me that I feel I had a really good influence on. We’re close friends and I think I steered her in a direction away from our horrible family values and into a much better way of being.

I’ve met so many inspiring younger people on this book tour. I’m happy about that. What more could you hope for, than that people will keep doing good work and even better work? Because the graphic novel is considered an important art form, people actually study it and learn it and they’re better than we were. We were just groping around, trying to figure out how to make comic books. There was no history and not much precedent — nothing really to base one’s work on. A lot of the work was really crude and not really self-realized in a lot of ways. The work I see now is better — it’s really impressive. And comics have themselves been influential. Alison Bechdel’s work is a Broadway show, and Lena Dunham’s work seems like it could have been influenced by early comics.

In 1976, I drew myself on the cover of [the first issue of all-female comic anthology] Twisted Sisters, sitting on the toilet. And then Lena Dunham put herself on the toilet on an episode of Girls. When I saw that, I fell out of my chair. People said I was crazy and brave for drawing myself, but that’s just a drawing — you can be distanced from it. But she put herself on the toilet on-screen, and I was blown away by that.

Looking back, do you still feel a connection to these earlier versions of yourself on the page? Or are they just characters you used to know?

There’s a connection, but it’s more and more distant, and I feel like a much more evolved creature than I was then, thank god. I don’t use any substances, I’m much more clear-headed, I have replaced alcohol and drugs and cigarettes with yoga for the last 25 years and that’s a very positive change in my life. It took me a long time to get there. Meditation has been a great tool for me as well, and it has helped me so much. I still incorporate that early self in myself. I think it helps me feel compassionate toward young people.

People can really fuck up when they’re young and still come out of it, as long as they don’t die of a drug overdose or get in a car accident while drinking. As long as you stay alive, there’s hope.

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Tahneer Oksman is the author of “How Come Boys Get to Keep Their Noses?”: Women and Jewish American Identity in Contemporary Graphic Memoirs.

The post As Long as You Stay Alive There’s Hope: An Interview with Aline Kominsky-Crumb appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

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