#the amount of joy i get seeing someone i love open concert tickets i got for them

[autumnalreaper]

😤 i just wanna spoil someone with concert tickets to see our favorite bands 😤

[thefanficmonster]

Stranger In The Crowd

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently ended the process of moving, Y/N is rightfully very tired but also very excited for the new chapter of her life. Funnily enough, this new chapter includes a newly formed long distance friendship/crush with a very special person from San Diego.

Requested by @boiled-onionrings Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and I’m really sorry you’ve had to wait so long for it to be posted but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

I let out a heavy sigh, relieved to finally be at home after such a long day of standing around in the Georgia heat with only a thin layer of fabric to protect my eyes and head from the scorching sun. Yeah, anyone who says that tent did well at protecting everyone under it today is nothing but a liar. I was in a short, strapless white summer dress, the fabric of which barely had any weight and consistency to provide heat of its own yet I still damn near melted. Ok, I’ll admit, some of the roasting heat probably came from the energy and force I put into singing the songs of my band’s new album ‘Starting At The End’. 

The mini concert we held in this large open field was meant as an introduction to the city of Savannah where all the band members - myself included - are actually from but we all moved to the West Coast to pursue our music career. And now that we’ve grown, and the majority of us are married, one of us is a father now as well, we’ve decided to return to our hometown. The decision was so spontaneous and was executed so quickly due to no one objecting to it that it still hasn’t me that I’m no longer in LA. The heat isn’t helping my ‘processing’ process but I’ll get to it eventually. Do I miss LA though? Not sure I do - I think I more miss the people I was closer to while I was there.

Suddenly, as if perfectly timed, my phone dings, notifying me that I’ve received a message. I don’t have to look to know it’s from - there’s only one person I actively text and his name is....

C ~ Your virtual buddy Corpse here, making sure you didn’t die of a heatstroke today. If you did indeed survive, just reply to this message, if not....don’t do anything, I guess.

I can’t help but giggle at the sight of the message. I promised Corpse I’d text him after the concert to let him know I was ok, but the even dragged out for longer than anticipated so I’m guessing he got worried.

How cute.

Me ~ Alive and well, but I do feel like a popped tire of an overloaded truck. Hope that’s a visually appealing description

Corpse and I met on the charity livestream Jacksepticeye organized and invited our band to so we could play Among Us with some of the best gamers and streamers on the internet. It was a huge honor and a ton of fun, definitely an event I’d like to repeat in the near future because I had such a good time and I know all my bandmates did too. We all got acquainted and even became official friends with the gamers that were practically our hosts, Corpse becoming the closest friends I’d earn. That livestream happened months ago and we still text just as consistently.

C ~ Oh I know EXACTLY what you mean. Anyway, as to not exhaust you further to force you into typing, how about you send me pictures to sum up your thoughts and emotions and plans for the evening

This is OUR THING trademark, mine and Corpse’s and no one can take it away from us. It’s a significant element of our friendship that enables us both to understand one another when one of us feels the way I described in my message - a popped tire or a deflated balloon. I’m usually the exhausted one - blame the many shows we do and the many meet-and-greets we organize for our lovely fans. It’s the type of exhaustion none of the band members mind at all, but we definitely need some time to recover from it.

As I go to sit down on my couch, the flower crown I’ve been wearing slips off the top of my head, falling on the floor, creating a soft noise that attracts the attention of one of my many cats - Sasha. She’s the youngest and most curious kitty in the family, always protected by the other four - Luna, Cassie, Silver and Lynn. Those four are far lazier and a lot more disinterested in comparison to Sasha who immediately runs over to see what’s fallen.

I smile to myself, taking the flower crown and undoing it to lessen it by a few stems to make it smaller, all the while being watched by the curious Sasha whose interest is rewarded in the end when I put the now adorably tiny flower crown on her head.

While she still hasn’t shaken the thing off I manage to snap a pic which I send to Corpse who opens it mere seconds after it was delivered. 

C ~ Sasha’s pulling off your aesthetic better than you. Sorry, someone had to let you know

I burst out laughing for two reasons - 1.The message itself, damn it! It’s hilarious; 2. Corpse has learnt the name of each one of my cats and never mixes them up - not even Luna and Lynn who look almost identical. That amount of attention to detail is astonishing and very meaningful to me, it genuinely warms my heart and that may or may not be dramatic but it’s definitely not exaggerated.

Me ~ You think I haven’t caught on yet? 

C ~ Well, if it makes you feel any better you pull off my aesthetic better than I do

He’s referring to the e-girl look I did for one show the band had in downtown LA one night. I was drunk and looking forward to trying new things so I improvised the hell out of my outfit but I apparently looked presentable enough to leave a good impression on Corpse despite the pic I sent him being a bit blurry and being a mirror selfie in the bathroom of the very bar we were performing in. It goes without saying that the mirror was dirty too - had a bunch of writing on it which Corpse said only added to the aesthetic. Looking back on it now I kinda agree, and luckily so did the fans in the comments of that same photo when I posted it on Instagram.

Me ~ Means a lot actually. Nowhere near enough to aid the burn of having a cat pull off cottagecore better than I do, but still helps XD

As if sensing that we’re talking about her, Sasha hops on the couch, poking her head over my phone to look down at the screen.

Now this is gonna be golden.

I take a selfie with my phone in my lap, the camera capturing both me and Sasha at a rather unflattering angle which has me losing my mind laughing when I send the picture to Corpse who immediately sends back a string of cry-laughing emojis.

C ~ I can’t tell which one of you is cuter

Me ~ If that was a compliment, I gotta say I appreciate it greatly

C ~ Just telling the truth ;)

It’s times like these that the butterflies in my stomach remind me just why I’ve started catching feelings for this man despite all the distance between us and despite barely knowing him - he knows me more than I know him but I don’t mind it, oddly enough.

I’m fond of our connection and though I sometimes dream of something more, I’m also content with what we already have considering that ‘something more’ seems rather unattainable as of now.

My phone dings again, clearing the fog of thoughts and presenting me with a new message from Corpse.

C ~ Oh, by the way, look what I got....

That message is followed up by a picture of a ticket. A plane ticket to Georgia! 

While I’m still busy stomaching this and dealing with my quickly rising excitement, he sends another message.

C ~ I hope to catch a The Silver Rays concert while I’m there. Heard they had an adorable frontwoman ;)

My breath catches in my throat as a wide grin spreads across my face. The thought of having Corpse so close to me sends those aforementioned butterflies in my stomach into a raving mood and they practically explode my insides with excitement and joy like I’ve never felt it before. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that we’re about to go from having an entire country between us, to being just some ways away - him in the audience and me on stage without a single clue of who to look for. That’s part of the excitement though, I guess, part of the guessing game that’s gonna make our meeting all the more interesting.

He’ll be a stranger in the crowd and I’ll be a performer on a stage - seemingly two people who have no relation whatsoever. But damn does it go beyond that: No one has to know how hard I’m falling for that stranger in the crowd.

Me ~ I’ve heard so too, can’t confirm it though

If this is gonna be a guessing game, I’ll flip the tables a bit - I won’t take any guesses. I’ll let the answer come to me. I’ll give the first move over to the stranger in the crowd, let’s see what he does.

C ~ I’ll check and let you know, don’t worry

Not worried whatsoever, Corpsie. I’m not worried at all.

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[secondhandnewsradio]

SHN INTERVIEW: Sleep Walking Animals

by Claire Silverman

photo: Ryan Hall

Sleep Walking Animals, the indie-folk alternative rock band from Manchester, England, have just released their self-titled debut EP. Since SHN first interviewed the band at the start of the year, they have released two more singles, started playing live shows again as restrictions opened up, and have announced a co-headlining tour around the UK in October. At their EP launch gig at the Fiddler’s Elbow in Camden on the 20th of September, they performed their new music to a sold out crowd.

CS: Congrats on the EP coming out. When we spoke back in February, you mentioned your plans for the EP, so it’s very exciting that it’s here now. How are you all feeling?

Tom: Like it's about time.

Jack: “Angus’ Fool.” “Wild Folk,” and “Dance Laura Dance” are on the EP, so we started recording this EP in October 2019. So it's been a big process, and the EP is kind of about that process.

Tom: We didn't want to release things until we were happy with everything, because we did record enough songs back in 2019 to go on an EP. But in post [production], we were a little bit concerned that they weren't all up to the standard that we wanted. It was our first time in a studio together as well when we recorded those songs, so we needed to practice, we needed to get together more and get more experienced in the studio. Then we ended up going up to Stockport and using a studio called Green Velvet Studios and we laid down five tracks, three of which are on the EP.

Jack: So, yes, excited.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: Is there an overarching theme across the EP?

Tom: It feels like it's very much about things that have happened to us in the time it took to put the EP together, and things that have inspired us enough to write about, you know, various introductions to people, to new experiences, illnesses, life events that sparked something within us to try to make a good song out of.

Jack: The whole EP spans across when we started the band in 2018 right up to now, so a lot of the songs are about growth and change. But the songs are about our growth musically as well, which is a nice kind of coincidence.

Tom: “Angus’ Fool” was the first song we ever wrote together, so the EP spans from our first song together to things we were writing in lockdown. So like Jack said it’s a span of two and a half years.

Alex: “Native” was written after we played Farm Fest [this summer].

CS: So now that you have more music out and have started to establish your sound, how did you figure out what genre of music you wanted to make?

Alex: It's funny, you just mentioned “Native” and I think that was the point that pushed us to fatten up the sound a little bit. I mean, the style of the song made us realize that we can push it a little bit more. And we have a few like one recorded songs, which are definitely a lot more rock-y.

Tom: We're inspired by all sorts of different bands as well. And, you hear it said a lot but a lot of great artists steal from other great artists and that's how they become great, so we're taking influences from people that we all listen to. So this is why it's hard whenever anybody asks “so what kind of genre of music do you play?” I can never really answer that because it’s changing all the time.

Jack: But I was saying to Bill the other day, (he's not officially in the band yet but he kind of is. He's the drummer who played with us on Monday) we've never really spoken about what genre we want to write. We didn't speak about influences, particularly.

Tom: We're just going with ideas. We all have our own little pockets of interest that we bring to the table and I think that’s what makes out sound quite unique

Alex: When someone brings something and then all of a sudden there's so many layers on top of it, which are coming from all kinds of different directions. And it's just hard to put your finger on what it actually is. But it's cool and we like it.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: It seems as though COVID restrictions are kind of mostly lifted here in England. At least, concerts are happening again. What's that been like, through the pandemic till now, and being able to play live shows again?

Tom: It’s been a massive relief, really, it means that we can get out there and get some gigging experience, start playing our stuff live. It's a completely different beast to be in the studio, it’s a completely different skill to have. And the more we do it, the more we’ll improve, and the more people will respond well to our gigs. There is such a massive impact from a live gig that you don't get from sitting down and putting your headphones in and listening to the Spotify track. You get the performance, you get the live engagement with music, and with the people on stage. That's just palpable.

CS: Since you're all performers, you're all actors, how do you think your other stage experience impacts your music?

Jack: That's an interesting one. Because I think the three of us are definitely coming out of acting and want to follow music, solely. Obviously, Tom, you both really well. [Laughter] And Nuwan’s also still following both. It's just something that when we are playing live, and it's going well, and there aren’t any technical issues, that we can just give ourselves completely to that moment. And I think that's easier for someone who has trained to do that, which is kind of what we did at drama school, I guess, to give yourself to the moment,

Tom: Yeah, there are great artists and performers, actors, musicians who haven't haven't gone through a formal training process. I think it's actually more important than training. Personally, I find the two things very different, being onstage as a member of Sleep Walking Animals and being on stage or on screen and being an actor in a role. I think the only similarity for me really, is the fact that when we go on stage as Sleep Walking Animals, I feel myself put on a character. I'm not Tom, I’m whatever else that is.

Jack: John. [Laughter]

Tom: I think we all do that whether we realize it or not. Because we'd be crippled with anxiety and insecurity and all the other horrid things that sort of flood into you when you're onstage performing in any way, you know, those don't happen or they sort of diminish if you put on that guise. So I guess that helps in that sort of transition.

photo: Claire Silverman

CS: You mentioned Farm Fest a bit earlier. What was it and how did it come about? And how was it?

Tom: So Farm Fest is a new, upstart festival that myself and my girlfriend Lottie host and organized. It's on her childhood farm and it's something that Lottie had wanted to do for a long time, to use that land to provide a space for a festival, entertainment, camping. We started it a couple years ago. There was that little bit of time between lockdowns where we got a weird freedom in the summer of 2020 and people felt like it had kind of gone away. Luckily, we all collectively know a bunch of musicians and comedians. It started small and then this year, we did it again. We charged a bit more money for tickets, and we are getting bigger and better. It feels like it's sort of gaining a bit of momentum. And it was the highlight of our year, we got to perform on a mainstage with a great sound set up. For us it was a big crowd to play to who all knew the songs and were singing along. It felt like a real festival, right.

CS: You guys are pretty active on social media, at least on the Sleep Walking Animals account. You guys don't always take things super seriously, which I like. What’s your approach to using social media? What do you think of it?

Jack: I wish we didn't have to. I think we probably all do realize the importance of it because Instagram is pretty much the only way of promoting anything, which is so fucking sad. Yeah. And I thought today, because Joe and I are reading a book about Joy Division and the start of the punk scene stuff, and they didn't even have t-shirts, because they wanted to stick it to the man and that kind of thing. But you just can't do that now. It's just like times have changed and there’s so many bands and so many artists that you have to be on it. Like, it will only be a matter of time before we go on to TikTok.

Tom: As an unsigned band without management or label yet, you know, we're left to do it on our own. Like Jack said, it's our only way of letting people know about our music. We might as well try and enjoy it if we've got to do it.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: Now that the EP is out, what are your future plans for the band?

Tom: World domination?

Joe: Recording.

Tom: Yeah, more tunes. We've got quite a few unrecorded ones. Keep doing what we're doing, really, following the footsteps of the people and bands and artists who have inspired us. Just keep going with it and see what happens. We're not putting immense amounts of pressure on ourselves. We do it because we love it. We do it because we think our music is worth pursuing. Yeah. Just see where the wind takes us.

CS: And you've got a tour coming up in October.

Jack: Yeah, a UK tour. It’s a co-headlining tour with Polary and My Pet Fauxes. So we're playing in different cities and we're all sharing the headlines slot and supporting each other at the different venues.

Tom: The 17th of October we're playing Leeds at Oporto, then on the 18th at Dublin Castle in London, the 19th we’re in Bristol at Crofters Rights and then the 20th at Night & Day in Manchester.

CS: Good luck for those shows and again, congratulations on releasing your debut EP.

This interview has been lightly edited for clarity and length.

Listen to Sleep Walking Animals’ debut EP here

Follow the band on Instagram Twitter Spotify YouTube 

sleepwalkinganimals.com

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #407

“sugar pop, sugar pop, baby here i come, straight to #1″

Do you follow any special diet? (dairy free, vegetarian, gluten free etc.) No. What’s your favourite summer activity? Swimming is all I really enjoy about summer. Who was the first person to break your heart? It wasn't in a romantic sense obviously, but my dad. First band you obsessed about? I've only ever *truly* been obsessed with Ozzy Osbourne as a band, haha. First place someone took you on a date? I want to say a local skating rink. It was a group thing. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, if you include the closet door. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Quite a few. Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? Well, if you've seen the scene where Pyramid Head literally rips a woman's skin off like a sheet in Silent Hill... u kno. I genuinely do find him to be a terrifying monster though, all bias aside. Humanoid monsters with ambiguous faces unsettle me. I wouldn't want that knife swingin at me, either. Do you get grumpy when you’re hungry? Yuuuup, I sure can. Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I have done that maybe twice in my whole life. Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. If chocolate was an illegal drug - would you be a drug addict? Nah. I'd be able to survive if it was illegal, but it would suck. Are you proud of your parents? Yes in some areas, no in some others. There are things both have said and/or done that I can't say I'm proud of them for, but overall, I am. Do you say “soda” or “pop”? "Soda." Are you shy about singing in front of people? YUP. I just don't do it. If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick? Ozzy. :') It'd be fantastic to tell him thank you for his music that has always brought me joy and comforted me, and also let him know for sure just how strong he is and that it is absolutely not overlooked to still be nailing out an album while fighting Parkinson's. I'd probably start blubbering like a baby while rambling at some point, haha. Which is better: orange or grape soda? Orange. I don't like grape soda. Do you sleep with a sleep mask? Well, you could sort of call it that, ha ha. I have to wear an APAP mask to subdue my sleep apnea that causes wild nightmares/terrors. Do you like techno music? It's actually grown on me the past few months. Have you ever been drunk? No, I've never quite reached that point. I've only been tipsy. Are you mad at your best friend right now? Nope, got no reason to be. Do you know anybody with a pet snake? Yes, including myself. Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? WATER. ABSOLUTELY WATER. I canNOOOOOOT do room temperature water anymore. It's gotta be pretty damn cold for me to drink it like it's nothin'. Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? No. Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? Mom likes to donate our old clothes and stuffed animals. Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? I was a little kid when this happened, so. I don't know if my parents did. Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? HA, I do. I love "Who's That Girl." When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Wow, probably years... I really, really want one now, ha ha. Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? Well, my sister's friend, anyway. I was just sitting on the computer in the living room and there they were on the couch just casually making out. Do you enjoy doing math? Fuuuuck no. Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? Oh, I know she does. There are things she's done that I know I have plenty of missing details from, but I don't ask because I know they're sensitive subjects. Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? No. Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? I usually just smile. Do you use scented soap in the shower? Yes. It smells like cinnamon rolls and it is HEAVENLY. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? Ha, Sara. Yeah. Dark or light colored jeans? Dark, 100%. I never wore light jeans. Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? No sir. Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? That's an even bigger "no." Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? No. What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? Idk. Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? Thank fucking Christ I haven't. I am terrified of them. Have you ever colored your eyebrows? No. Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? Pain medicine, yes. Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? No. I'm not interested to, either. Have you ever gotten dressed with the windows open? I definitely don't believe so. Have you ever taken a shower outside? At the beach, yes. If you could call it a "shower." Have you ever been to a junkyard? No. Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? No. If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? Probably a current iPhone. Apple is such a rip-off, but damn is the camera good lmao. Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? This will be my first Halloween in this house, so I really don't know if trick-or-treaters happen here. Do you like huskies? Love 'em, but I could neeeever own one with all that fur. What do you smell like? I'm always self-conscious over if I smell like sweat because of my hyperhidrosis. I hope not. Do you take your dog for walks? I don't have a dog. I used to take Teddy when he was younger, though. He loved those, but I stopped when I noticed his arthritis kicking in. Have you ever went paintballing? No. Seems stupid to me, honestly... Like that shit seems painful, so like, why??? What kind of movies are you drawn to? Horror and fantasy, mostly. I don't watch movies often. How often do you update your Facebook status? Just about never because I either just have nothing to say or am afraid of saying something stupid. I only ever share posts or pictures that appeal to me. What type of pet would you like to have? A Brazilian Black tarantula. :( I will whine about that until the day I get one, ha ha. I would also really, really like a plains hognose and a woma python. What breakfast are you most likely to have? Cereal. When you're starting to feel sick, you: It depends on what kind of "sick," but odds are I'm heading for the medicine cabinet. What colors are you most drawn to? Pastel ones. :') Light and pretty. What deadly sin are you most likely to commit? Sloth. When you're away from home, what makes you feel at home? "Having my stuff with me, like my laptop." <<<< Same. Do you prefer to lounge in a hot tub or swim in a pool? Swim. How many books do you have out in the public areas of your house? None. Who makes a better burger, in your opinion? Sonic. @_@ What do you like best about the holidays? Seeing my niece and nephew so excited. You think your eyes convey: Boredom, probably. Besides screaming for ice cream, what else do you scream for? If a bug surprises me by being on me. Well, depending on the bug. Do you like fried chicken? Noooo, it is so gross to me. What do you think of belly button piercings? They are SO cute imo. I want one, but I think it would look hideous on me. Maybe if I was actually thinner. Not saying bigger people can't wear belly button piercings, I just don't think it would look good on me. Do you like plain Lays potato chips? They're my favorite! I especially like the ruffled kind. Is there a big screen television in your house? In the living room, yeah. Would you rather no heat in winter or no A.C in summer? No heat in the winter, EASILY. I can't handle no A/C when it's hot. At least if you're cold, you can bundle up with tons of blankets. Have you ever had braces? I did for a long time because we couldn't afford to take them off. Do you do your own laundry? No, honestly. Mom likes to just do it all together, so I let her do it. Which do you prefer: English, Irish, or Australian accents? Irish. Is there anything on your bedroom door? Yeah! I got a "Meerkat Lover St." sign for my door. :') What is the best vegetable? Broccoli. Guys in eyeliner: Hot or not? That shit is h o t. Have you ever seen your favorite band live? No. :( Do you drink water or soda more often? Ugh, soda. Did you collect Pokemon cards back in the day? I didn't deliberately, but only because I was awkward about asking for Pokemon stuff because I thought people thought I was weird for being a girl and being obsessed with it. I think I got one pack. I really, really wish I'd been less self-conscious about that passion. Pet turtle: yay or nay? I'm personally not interested. Did anyone famous come from your town/city/school? Yeah, but I'm not sharing who. Have you ever seen a celebrity on the street? No. Have you ever pretended to be sick? To avoid school sometimes, yes. Can you ice skate? Never tried, too scared to. The blades terrify me. Do you have your nose pierced? No, but I want to have it redone. Do you loooove Tim Burton movies? I sure do! What arcade games do you like to play? I haven't been to an arcade in forever... but I liked the racing ones. What's the most expensive gift you've ever gotten for someone else? I'm not sure. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom, or your dad? At this moment, probably my dad. We haven't hung out in a long time. What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her and tell her she'd better let me know if the person ever fucks up so I can kick some ass, ha ha. Are you easily confused? Very. I'm slow to understand things. Where was your MySpace/Facebook default taken? My bedroom. Can you whistle with your fingers in your mouth? No. I've never understood how that works. Do you like peanut butter? Love it.

[yoongi-sugaglider]

Forget Me Nots- Epilogue

A wealthy young man falls overboard while vacationing with friends only to find himself with amnesia and a pretty young wife who seems determined to remind him what hard work and dedication really mean.

Warnings: Strong language, angry Min Yoongi inaccurately portrayed based upon the writer’s imagination,angst, eventual super fluff.

Pairing: Eventual Min Yoongi x reader

Word count: 3021

A/n: Well...this is the end my lovelies~ I am honestly so full of emotions right now I can’t even begin to sort through how I’m feeling lol. Sad because it’s over? Joyful because I’m happy with the ending. Excited to see everyone’s reactions. Yes to all of that~ I wanna thank @btsstan4life​ and @min-newt​ for lending themselves as characters to the story. To my new network @castlebangtan​ and the lovely bunch of angels that so graciously gave me the support I needed to push through the feels and finally get this out there. To my daughter for being the amazing sweetheart and always supporting my stories by asking me to read them to her at night. And to you, the person reading this right now? Thank you for the journey, thank you for the support and kind words. The likes and reblogs boost my confidence and allow me the motivation to push forward. To y/n and Yoongi, I know this was a tough journey, but the end is finally here. I wish you both happiness and joy and I hope you can find peace in the ending I’ve written for you. Thank you for allowing me to tell your story and...good bye~

<<Chapter 10

As the sound of the ambulance’s siren disappeared into the distance the woman found herself sitting on the floor. Back pressed into the cool wood of the front door her eyes stared listlessly into the distance, mind empty and yet so very full of the pain and devastation that was their last conversation.

“You let me fall in love with you!”

His final words before his collapse rang through the house, filling it with a weight that no amount of crying could have chased away.

Her two pups pressed in close to her, each seeking to give their owner some sort of comfort in the numb grief she found herself wrapped within. Champ pressed into her side, nose nudging her cheek occasionally as Kaia curled the entirety of her upper body on her lap. The woman’s fingers mindlessly combed through Kaia’s silky fur, head leaning into Champ’s shoulder as the first sob slipped free.

“Guys...I fucked up…” She hiccupped, tears finally spilling down her cheeks as she burried her face into Champ’s chest. The shepherd licked at her temple, a tiny whine escaping him as he sought to comfort his owner in the best way he could. 

She couldn’t understand where this grief was coming from. Him remembering his past should have come as a relief. Right?

She’d no longer have to worry about how to break the news to him, what to do about the strange man that’d come to live in her house for the past week. Never again have to think about the soft secret smiles he gave the dogs as he sat curled into the sofa, fingers tracing shapes in their fur as they watched the sun set out the window.

Not have to worry about the scent of sandalwood that seemed etched into his skin that would waft up every time he passed by her. Or the strange butterflies that danced in her belly when she’d wake up to the scent of breakfast and coffee each morning.

Her sobs grew louder, inconsolable as the anguish that tormented her heart grew in size, consuming her soul with her realization.

“Oh god...I fell in love with him.”

***

The sterile scent of hospital served as a solid reminder and wake up call as she made her way to the front desk in search of her husb...in search of Yoongi.

The nurse pointed her in the direction of his room and she swallowed harshly, fingers digging crescents into her palms as she hefted the bag of belongings she’d gathered to return to him.

Standing before the hospital room door she steeled herself, unsure of what to expect but knowing it was possible that she’d get turned away immediately. But this was something she had to do. At least that’s what she’d said to convince herself. She knew she didn’t stand a chance in earning or even begging for forgiveness. But she could only hope that she’d get the chance to say good bye.

“Miss you can’t be here. This is a private room.” A sharply dressed man approached her, dark sunglasses hiding the obvious gaze of what could only be a security guard.

“I umm...I was just returning his…”

“You should leave. Access to this room is forbidden.” His stern tone left no room for argument and she ducked her head in acknowledgement.

Dashing away she paused at the nurse’s station, making a quick and wavering request that the belongings be returned to the man she knew she’d never see again.

*** “Y/n, can I speak to you in my office please?”

She glanced up from her paperwork, flashing her boss a soft smile before shuffling the paperwork to the side and standing to follow him.

“Something the matter Troy?” She asked as she closed the office door behind her.

“Ah, nah. Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to let you know that the company responsible for the wrecked carpet cleaner paid to have the machine replaced. So you don’t have to worry it.”

She frowned, eyes wandering to the window overlooking the dock full of ships outside. “Did you ask them to or…”

“They actually reached out. When they returned the Veloce it was actually really clean so I wasn’t sure that we’d hear from them after outside of a review but ah…” He glanced down at a sticky note, squinting at his own handwriting before smiling up at her. “A Namjoon called, said he wanted to apologize to you for all the trouble and to thank you for everything you did to help.”

A mental image of smiling dimple filled cheeks flashed across her mind and she smiled sadly, nodding to Troy before leaving the office to return to work.

“I...guess it’s all over now huh?”

*** “So you’re telling me it took you six months to finally hire a new dishwasher?”

Rose grinned, digging into her burger as she nodded in reply to Devani’s question.

“Yeah, and the new kid is a hell of a worker too! Kind of cute. Right up your alley chicka.” She snorted at the blush rising up the girl’s cheeks. “It was damn near impossible to find a new hire after Yoon...ah... after the last guy quit the way he did.”

Rose’s panicked gaze darted to y/n, though the woman seemed lost in her own thoughts and wasn’t much paying attention to the conversation between her two best friends. Her dull gaze wandered their favorite coffee shop, listlessly wandering from face to face as if she was fruitlessly caught in a subconscious search for someone that wasn’t there.

“Hey...you with us y/n?” Devani chirped up, giving her a sad smile as the dazed woman’s gaze returned to their table.

“Hmm?” Her fork moved for the first time since the salad had been placed before her, though it just picked mindlessly at the leafy meal as her focus struggled to take in the concerned faces before her.

“You’re stuck again love.” Rose said quietly, lips turning down into a frown as she watched her heartbroken friend give her an empty smile.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” She quietly hummed, reaching forward to take a sip from her now lukewarm cup of coffee.

The friends sat in silence for a while, allowing the world to revolve and pass around them as they each sat in their own little worlds of quiet contemplation.

A notification dinged on Devani’s phone, causing the girl to perk up with a grin as she swiped it open and eagerly read the email she’d just received.

“Ah! Oh my god I got them!” She squealed, hugging the phone to her chest and bouncing in her seat with all of the energy of a puppy given its first ball.

“What? Dude chill.” Rose giggled, reaching out to calm her friend with a warm grip to her arm.

“The VIP tickets I entered that contest for last week!” Devani grinned, turning the phone screen to Rose to reveal its secrets. “They just sent me an email letting me know I won!”

“No way that’s great!” Y/n grinned, the festive atmosphere snapping her out of her funk in favor of celebrating her friend’s good fortune.

“How many did you get?” Rose asked, leaning back into her seat and tapping her fingers absentmindedly on the table top.

Devani flipped the phone back around, eyes darting to and fro as she scanned the email’s contents. “Hmm...3 tickets. No way that’s freaking perfect!” She looked up at the women excitedly, her eyes practically sparkling in the brightness of the cafe’s lights. “You guys will come with me right? It won’t be the same without you!”

Rose nodded eagerly, grin bright and on display until she turned to see y/n’s frown darkening the mood slightly.

“I don’t know guys… I don’t think I’d be up for it….”

“No way! We’re not letting you miss this! It’s been ages since we had a girl’s night out and we refuse to go without you.” Rose glanced over to Dev, glaring at her dejected look for a moment and then grinning in triumph as it turned instantly to a look of determination.

“Rose is right. All for one and one for all.” She shook her head at the older woman’s protests. “No we’re all going together or not at all.”

“But you worked so hard to get those tickets. You can’t just not go Devi!” she tried hard to protest, stammering out her opposition to the idea.

But the girls were unrelenting, insisting over and over until they’d worn the woman down into going.

The three giggled, making plans quickly and allowing the excitement to flow through them at the prospect of the concert awaiting them that coming weekend.

Perhaps this was just what she needed to pull her out of that cloud of funk after all.

***

“Hyung! We’re on in an hour. Have you got the new battery pack for your in-ear?” Jimin’s sweet voice cut through the brooding Yoongi’s chaotic thoughts, snapping him back to reality.

Nodding at Jimin’s words he stood from the hairstylist’s chair, brushing at the blue jeans and brightly colored shirt that was the stage outfit for their first song of the night. It hadn’t taken much for him to regain his memories, thoughts that’d remained locked away and dreams that at some point in the week he’d spent questioning his existence had disappeared all at once came flooding back in that one final argument.

And yet here he stood, returned to his life as an idol and thrust back into the spotlight like nothing had ever happened but unable to put a name to the emotion that’d sat heavy in his chest since the day he’d been released from the hospital only to realize he might never see that soft smiling face again.

“Yoongi-ssi, they’re letting the VIP’s back for a few minutes before they get sat. Did you want to go say hi before you go out?” His manager looked up from the tablet with their schedule, holding Yoongi’s gaze for a moment before nodding and tapping out a quick message.

“I’ll let them know you’re on the way.”

The room cleared out, leaving him alone with his thoughts as he continued to stare at the reflection judging him in the mirror.

He’d changed a bit since the incident. Long gone was the minty green hair he’d sported, replaced in favor of a silvery grey number that was slowly growing on him. He’d gained back some of the weight he’d lost when the stress had been eating at him from an upcoming album release that’d gone far better than he’d expected. All in all he felt better, healthier, content with his standing in life where before he’d just felt frustration and rage against the things he couldn’t change. And yet something still felt like it was missing. A certain emptiness in his soul that seemed like it was waiting to be filled. With what he just couldn’t be sure.

Turning away from the mirror and dismissing the thoughts he left the room, entering the bustle of the corridors post concert and making his way to the meeting room his manager had set aside for the VIPs to meet with him and his band mates.

The room was filled with sound, a cacophony of cheer and joy. Fans meeting their idols and idols enamored with the tales and thanks that came with meeting their supporters.

Namjoon walked over to him, grin splitting his face from ear to ear as he clapped Yoongi on the shoulder.

“Don’t look so glum hyung. There’s someone here waiting for you. I think she’s got some things she’s been waiting to say to you.”

The cryptic words left Yoongi feeling confused, and somehow apprehensive as he walked deeper into the room. A few young women stopped him, crowding in to give him praise over his latest solo song as young men hung back with shy grins echoing the joy the far bolder sex seemed so eager and willing to share with him.

His idol smile set in place, a kind and soft affair that always seemed to either placate his fans or rile them up depending on the context. His manager handed him a silver sharpie, giving the fans the go ahead to hand him their albums and shirts to be signed with all the flourish of a practiced celebrity. Yoongi made quick work of them, assuring the chittering ARMY that he appreciated their support and loved them wholeheartedly.

Eventually those around him moved on, spotting one or another of the members that’d chosen to enter the room at that time. Attention drifted away from him, giving him a moment of respite that he capitalized on by moving to the refreshment table in search of a water bottle to quench his sudden thirst.

As he reached for one of the label free bottles a tiny hand darted out, touching the bottle just as his own wrapped around the dainty wrist. He froze, a chill of fear and excitement rushing through his veins at the sight.

He knew that hand, those work worn fingers that trembled beneath his grip. His eyes trailed up the sun kissed skin of her arm, eyes meeting her own fear filled ones as his grip tightened.

“Yoongi…” She gasped, eyes filled with a number of emotions and the growing sparkling of tears.

As they held each others gazes, unbeknownst to them the managers began clearing the room on Namjoon’s orders, emptying it for the two to have a private moment to themselves. Y/n friends watched, grins spreading wide as Namjoon led them to the door.

“Finally!” The trio whispered in unison, sharing giggles and chatting away as the door was closed behind them.

“You came.”

“You’re here.”

They spoke together, each refusing to acknowledge the heat rising to their cheeks as Yoongi finally released her wrist and cleared his throat to fill the following awkward silence.

“I um… I didn’t realize that this was your concert.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach, shuffling her feet as she focused her eyes on a scuff mark on the floor in front of him.

“When I saw Namjoon and the others I well...I tried to leave but they wouldn’t let me…”

Yoongi watched her, eyes taking in her anxious form as he listened to her ramble on.

“Why would you leave?” He asked.

Her gaze snapped to him, eyes wide with fear as she fumbled for her next words.

“I, well I mean… I didn’t think you’d want to see me. Especially after I...after everything.”

“After you lied to me?” She nodded at his words and opened her mouth to reply but he refused, continuing on as he began listing off what was on his mind.

“After you took care of me? Giving me food and shelter and comfort when the absolutely terrifying moment of losing my memory to an assault happened? Allowing me to live in a fantasy that involved giving me more care and love than anyone ever has in my entire life?”

He stepped forward, crowding her with his presence as he stared down at her with all of the heat and passion that had been building within him over the past few months since he’d been away from her.

“You gave me the break I needed y/n. A peaceful existence that I never thought I could have in this messed up stressful life that is the idol world.” He reached out, hands coming up to caress her trembling arms as he moved impossibly closer.

“Do you have any idea how often I’ve thought about you since I left? How much I regret what I said? How much I hate myself for hurting you the way I did after everything you did for me?”

She inhaled sharply, the scent of sandalwood and male musk that was so uniquely his flooding her senses and filling her with an impossible hope that she hadn’t thought possible.

“I just...I lied to you Yoongi. How could you...how could you ever forgive me?” She choked on the words, sobs spilling forth as she buried her face in his chest.

His heart broke, seeing first hand the impact his callous words had had on the sweetest person he’d ever met in his life.

“Forgive you? If anything I’m the one that should be begging your forgiveness.” He wrapped his arms around her, clinging tightly to her as he buried his face in the warmth of her hair and inhaled deeply.

“I love you y/n. Honestly and truly. When I thought I’d never see you again it hurt. I couldn’t breath from the thought of losing you, of never seeing that sweet smiling face. Of coming home to see those goofy dogs of yours greeting me every day and knowing that I had finally...finally come home.” He kissed the top of her head before stepping back and crouching slightly to gaze into her tear streaked face.

“Could you ever forgive me angel? Please, I’m begging you. Let’s start over huh? Do this right.”

Her breath caught in her throat. The look of pure remorse and adoration that he was giving her was all she could ever ask for.

“Of course Yoongi.” She nodded emphatically, launching herself into his arms once more. “Of course I can forgive you. I...I love you too Yoongi.”

Their lips met, soft and desperate and perhaps a tiny bit awkward as teeth clashed and tongues fought to find their rhythm. But slowly they calmed, finding a balance in the rush of love that flowed through them as they inhaled each other. Breaking apart they grinned at each other, one lost and finally found and the other saved and saved again as they met once more in a passionate kiss that filled each of them with a sense that yes, they could finally be happy in each other’s arms.

As her tiny forget me not earrings flashed in the light of the waiting room they knew they were finally home.

[writersplanetarium]

Facade: Rude Awakening

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

Aelin wasn’t usually awoken in the middle of the night by a phone call, not unless it was an emergency, so the sound of her phone buzzing had her up in an instant, answering before she even looked at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Is this Aelin?” An excited girl’s voice asked from the other end of the phone.

“Who is this?” Aelin asked.

“I am such a big fan of yours! Watching you on the show is so good and the romance between you and Rowan just feels so real-”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know who you’re talking about. Don’t call this number again.” Aelin hung up, quickly blocking the number. She knew this had to be Rowan’s idea of revenge. Giving her number to a fan. How petty.

Aelin was about to go back to sleep when her phone rang again. Another unknown number. Aelin hesitantly answered it.

“Hello?”

“Aelin I am absolutely in love with you and I know that while you don’t know me I’m confident that with a little time you could come to love me too-” Aelin hung up. So he gave her number to two people. Then Aelin’s phone rang again. And again. And again. Aelin didn’t know what to do as her phone buzzed over and over, again and again. Her texts started to blow up as well.

Something was up.

Aelin grabbed her computer, unable to open a single app on her phone with the immeasurable amount of calls and texts coming in, blowing it up. She went right to Rowan’s twitter feed and found a new post. A text conversation that was supposedly between them. And her actual number was right at the top.

Aelin swore thoroughly, raking her fingers through her hair. He’d really and truly decided to screw her over this time. She chucked her phone across the room, knowing it was well and truly screwed. It hit the corner of the wall, the screen shattering, and the phone physically breaking apart. Everything she needed was on her computer anyway. She dropped back down onto her bed. Of course, he had to go there. 

“God I hate him,” Aelin said to herself, rubbing at her eyes. She could deal with that all in the morning. New phone, new number, new everything.

 “Don’t say a thing, I know exactly why you’re here,” Lysandra said when Aelin showed up at her door the next morning.

“He’s going to actually be the death of me Lys,” Aelin said, raking her fingers through her hair.

“You need a day to just forget about Rowan. So we’ll get you a new phone, a new number, and then we’re going to go get pampered.”

“That sounds perfect,” Aelin said.

 Aelin bought a brand new phone with a high-quality camera and more storage space. She’d needed a new one anyway, she supposed, but she’d grown rather used to her old one and the way she’d had her apps set up. Now she had to download them all again and rearrange them and set her accounts back up. 

She was just exhausted.

“Hi ladies,” Phillipa said with a smile as Aelin and Lysandra walked into the spa, “What can I do for you today?”

“Full package, Phillipa. Aelin is having a day,” Lysandra said.

“I hear that,” Phillipa said with a sympathetic nod, “I can get you ladies right now.” The spa was beautiful. Lysandra and Aelin often frequented it for massages after busy weeks. The stunts on the show could take a real toll on their bodies. It was a lot of action and when they weren’t fighting they were standing or walking or moving. They spent hour after hour on their feet, working their bodies to the limit, so they often came here to relax and unwind. Phillipa’s massages never failed to relax Aelin. 

They started out in the jacuzzi, relaxing into the warm water. Aelin sat back, letting the jets ease away some of the tension in her body.

“Do you want to talk about what’s been going on with you lately?” Lysandra asked.

“What do you mean?” Aelin asked.

“You and Rowan have been at each other’s throats relentlessly lately,” she replied, “Normally you two get at each other and then you let off for a while, but it’s been constant. Talk to me.”

“I haven’t been able to relax lately,” Aelin said, “It’s getting close to… the day Sam… And with everything Rowan’s been doing… I don’t know. It’s just been a lot lately. This break from work is supposed to be my time to relax, but it seems like I just can’t get into it.”

“I know it’s hard for you,” Lysandra said, “But maybe you just need to take a break from your feud with Rowan. If he’s stressing you out, be the one to take the high road and stop this.”

“He crossed a line, Lys.”

“And you didn’t?” Aelin sighed, tipping her head back. “I’m just saying, you both react to each other. You’ll keep reacting to each other if you don’t stop.”

“I’ll think about it,” Aelin said.

“Will you also think about taking Evangeline tonight?” Lysandra asked, “Aedion got tickets to a concert and she’s got school tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Aelin said, “She is exactly what I need right now.” Lysandra grinned.

“She does have an uplifting spark to her, doesn’t she?”

“Life is never boring with her around,” Aelin chuckled, “She doesn’t give you a chance to be lonely.”

“Don’t I know it,” Lysandra chuckled, “But she’s one of the best things to happen to me.”

“How’s she doing in school?” Aelin asked, “Still keeping her grades up?”

“Great. She’s smart as a whip. She’s already doing great things and I can’t wait to see her when she gets older.” Aelin and Lysandra continued to converse, teasing and joking, slowly relaxing more and more. They went back to the massage room a little while later.

Aelin let her eyes fall closed, groaning contentedly as Phillipa massaged the knots out of her muscles. She slowly felt the tension ease out of her, starting from her shoulders and working its way down to her feet before she flipped and Phillipa worked her way back up.

Next Aelin and Lysandra got their nails done, Aelin choosing to have hers painted a dark green, while Lysandra picked a vibrant red. When they got done, Aelin felt refreshed and more at ease than she had been before. They picked up Evangeline from class as they left and gave her the news.

“Hey Ev, how do you feel about spending the night with me?” Aelin asked from the passenger seat, turning to look at the girl. Evangeline’s face lit up with joy.

“Really?!” She asked excitedly, “We can have a sleepover on a school night?”

“So long as you’re in bed at a reasonable time,” Lysandra answered.

“I’ve got face masks, and Oreos with peanut butter we can eat while we watch ‘The Parent Trap’. But only after you’ve done your homework.”

“Consider it done already.” Aelin grinned at the girl and turned back to the front.

Lysandra dropped Aelin and Evangeline off at Aelin’s house and they headed inside.

“You hungry, Ev?”

“Starving,” she replied, setting her bag on the couch, “But please don’t make me eat your cooking.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Aelin said dryly with a slight tease to her tone, making Evangeline giggle. “We can order pizza, no worries. I won’t make you suffer. What are you thinking about for toppings?”

“Extra cheese and pepperoni and bacon,” she said definitively.

“You got it,” Aelin said, ruffling her hair. Aelin ordered a pizza and had Evangeline work on her homework while they waited. Aelin worked on setting her phone upright again. Soon enough the pizza was at the door and they were eating happily.

“Hey look! Rowan’s outside!” Evangeline said, looking out the dining room window. Aelin turned and saw Rowan in his backyard, shirtless as he mowed his lawn. Aelin hated that she took a few moments to stare. His tanned skin glistening with sweat, his tattoo visible and winding up his left side. “Ooo, you’re staring,” Evangeline said.

“What? No,” Aelin said, a slight flush creeping on her cheeks. She did not think of Rowan like that. “No. No way.”

“Why not?” Evangeline asked, “Lysandra says he’s Hot with a capital H.” Aelin gave a small snort before defending her decision.

“He gave my number out online, Ev. I had to get a new phone and a new phone number. Someone could track me down and break into my house and kill me.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Evangeline said, “Rowan would never let someone kill you.”

“Maybe not let, but it could still happen,” Aelin stated.

“But now you’ve got a new phone, so it’ll be fine,” Evangeline said.

“Fingers crossed,” Aelin said, giving the girl a reassuring smile. They finished up eating and Evangeline finished up her homework. 

They easily coasted through the rest of the night, joyfully participating in a mini spa of their own. Aelin let Evangeline turn on the jacuzzi jets in her tub when she took her bath and once she was out, they both got into their pajamas. Once they got dressed, Aelin put in ‘The Parent Trap’, letting it play in the background as they got started. 

Aelin combed through her hair, pulling it back with a headband, then, she busted out the face masks.

“Pick a face mask, any face mask,” Aelin said, showing Evangeline the variety. 

“This one!” She exclaimed, pointing to the glittering, peel off mask and closed her eyes, eagerly awaiting the application. Aelin painted it on the girl’s face, both of them grinning widely. Once Evangeline’s was on, she put a grey, foaming mask on Aelin, giggling at the way it puffed up.

“Now a color.” Aelin showed the girl the wide array of colors she had and Evangeline picked out a cobalt blue. Aelin carefully painted her little fingernails and toenails while Evangeline snacked on the Oreos and peanut butter Aelin had set out. They sat together once Aelin finished, waiting for the polish to dry. 

They ended up having time after ‘The Parent Trap’, so Aelin agreed to watch a few episodes of their show with her until bedtime.

Evangeline was yawning by the time they made it through the third episode, cuddling right up beside Aelin.

“You ready for bed?” Aelin asked. She nodded, her eyes heavy with the need for sleep.

“Can I sleep in your room with you?” Aelin looked around and leaned with a conspirator's grin.

“I guess one night won’t hurt.” Aelin decided to leave the mess to the next day, heading upstairs with Evangeline. They both hopped into the bed, Evangeline wrapping herself around Aelin, making her smile. “Goodnight, Ev.”

“Goodnight, Aelin.”

For the first time in a long time, Aelin was content and relaxed. Happy. She drifted off, confident she’d be having sweet dreams.

But she just couldn’t seem to catch a break lately.

Aelin was startled awake by a crash downstairs that wrestled even Evangeline out of sleep. 

“Aelin, what was that?” She asked.

“I don’t know,” Aelin said, panic crawling in her veins.

“Is someone breaking in?” Evangeline asked, “Did they find you?” The stark possibility that the words could be true made Aelin’s protective instincts kick into gear.

“Under the bed. Now,” Aelin said. The girl did as she was told and Aelin grabbed her phone, going to call Aedion before remembering that he and Lysandra were out. It was early enough that they’d no doubt still be at the concert. Aelin hated it, but she needed to put Evangeline’s safety first. So she called Rowan.

“Hello?” He asked.

“I think someone’s breaking into my house,” Aelin said, grabbing her throwing knives from her bedside drawer.

“Aelin?”

“Yes, it’s me, Buzzard. Evangeline is here in the house with me and we heard crashing downstairs. Aedion and Lys are gone, so you have to get your ass over here right now.”

“I’m on my way. Stay on the phone and don’t go down there until I’m at the door.” Another crash sounded.

“Hurry up.” Aelin locked her bedroom door, pulling it closed behind her as she crept out into the hall to keep Evangeline safe. She went down the stairs as quietly as she could, staying on the line with Rowan.

“I’m at the front door. It’s locked. Where’s the spare?”

“Mailbox. I’m heading down now.” Aelin tried to keep her voice as quiet as she could, not wanting the intruder to hear.

“Aelin, don’t be stupid,” Rowan said, “Just wait until I can get inside.” Aelin closed her eyes, clenching her jaw. She heard Rowan rustling on the other side of the phone as she made it to the last few steps. It was too dark for her to see anything as she scanned the living room. Then, just barely, she saw something move by the coffee table. “Okay, I’m coming in. Can you reach the lights?”

“Yes,” Aelin said, her voice not even loud enough to be considered a whisper. 

“Three… two… one.” Rowan came in through the door as Aelin hit the lights, rounding up with a throwing knife at the intruder as Rowan shouted. “Freeze!” He looked around for the intruder and found where Aelin’s eyes fell. On Fleetfoot, who was eating the jar of peanut butter she’d left out, the nail polish and face masks all knocked over.

“Gods, Fleetfoot,” Aelin said, putting her hand over her chest with a rush of relief.

“It’s the dog?” Rowan said, lowering the gun in his hands, clicking on the safety, “You called me over here because of your own damn dog?” He was still dressed in his pajamas, no shirt, long hair ruffled, clearly having jumped right out of bed.

“She wasn’t here when I went to sleep!” Aelin shot back, “Dorian must’ve dropped her off. He probably texted me, not knowing I needed a new number because somebody gave out my previous one to millions of people online!”

“I come over here in the deadass middle of the night to help you and you’re going to yell at me?” Rowan asked.

“Yes because I wouldn’t have even had to call you over in the first place if you hadn’t created this mess!” Aelin retorted, “And now Evangeline is upstairs hiding because she thinks someone could be in the house to kill us because you gave out my number online. People can find me based on that! Which means they could just as easily find you too. And Aedion and Lys and Evangeline. It’s common knowledge we’re all neighbors. Do you not think before you act?”

“That’s rich coming from you, Princess,” he retorted. Aelin heard the soft patter of feet behind her and saw Evangeline come downstairs.

“Is everything okay now?”

“Yeah, Ev, it was just Fleetfoot. Dorian must’ve dropped her off.”

“Fleetfoot!” Evangeline ran down to the dog, taking the jar of peanut butter and setting it aside as she cuddled up to the dog. “I missed you!” Aelin ran her hand through her hair, her adrenaline still pumping as she let out a long breath. 

“I’m going back to bed,” Rowan huffed.

“No!” Evangeline said, “You have to stay. What if someone really does come for her?”

“No one’s coming for her,” Rowan said.

“You gave out her number and I’ve been on enough cop shows to know people can find you that way,” Evangeline said, “Please, Rowan?” Evangeline gave him puppy dog eyes that Aelin knew even he couldn’t resist.

“Fine,” he said reluctantly, “Just one night.” Evangeline pulled him upstair by the wrist, Fleetfoot following not far behind. Aelin shook her head, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes.

Rowan Whitethorn was staying the night in her bed. Perfect. Just perfect.

Aelin cleaned up a bit before shutting off the lights and heading upstairs with them. When she went into the room she found Rowan on the far end, Evangeline beside him, curled up with Fleetfoot who was closer to Aelin’s side.

“I put my gun in the lockbox in your nightstand,” Rowan said.

“Fine,” Aelin replied, setting her knives beside the box.

“Were you seriously going to take on an intruder with knives?” Rowan asked.

“Better than nothing,” Aelin retorted, “And I’m a good shot.”

“Shhh, it’s time to sleep,” Evangeline said.

“Okay, okay,” Aelin said, climbing into the bed. She pulled up the blanket around her and felt the covers tug as Rowan pulled them over towards his side, Aelin rolled her eyes, shifting to get comfortable.

“Goodnight everyone,” Evangeline said.

“Goodnight Ev,” Aelin said as Rowan also gave a curt “Goodnight”.

Aelin took in deep breaths, willing herself to calm down. She was just exhausted. Utterly exhausted. She wasn’t relaxed anymore, yet, whether she wanted to admit it or not, she felt safe with Rowan in the room. So she drifted off into sleep not too soon after she laid down and slept all the way through the night.

Tagged:

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LMK if you want to be tagged!

[the-canary]

One More Night - S.R

Summary: What were you supposed to give a man you didn’t know that well? (Modern!Reader/Steve Rogers)

Prompt: I got you for secret santa so now I have to buy a gift thats absolutely amazing but also hope you don’t find out its from me and it doesn’t reveal that i’m in love with you

A/N: this is for @buckychrist ‘s holiday writing challenge. either the last of the year or the first fic for some people. christmas was last week, but let’s keep it going a little while longer! thank you to the lovely @isavuu for brain storming with me <3 and happy new year’s everyone! 

Masterlist

Feedback is always welcomed.

Steve Rogers. Steve Rogers.

That is the name you pull out of your friends’ Secret Santa list at the beginning of the month. You try to stop yourself from groaning -- Bucky’s and Sam’s best friend, Tony’s business partner, the twins’ surrogate “dad” in their really bad dad jokes, Sharon’s sort-of ex.  

This is all the ways that you know Steve Rogers, but despite running in the same circle of friends for years -- you didn’t really know that man. He was quite and hardly ever talked to you, and it wasn’t for your lack of trying. You were in a vicinity and he just ran for it or started talking to someone else, eventually you got the point that he wanted nothing to do with you, as sad as that made you feel.

But now -- now, that you had to give him a gift, you were at a loss in what to do.

Sam and Bucky’s combined laughter echo off the walls.

“Why you finally got her after all these years!”

Steve groans as his best friends take joy in his sudden dilemma. He shakes his head before leaning into the leather of the booth.

“What am I going to do?”

“Well, maybe you’ll finally---”

You don’t know enough about Steve and you can’t really go to Sharon, since that would be a little weird, and asking wither Bucky or Sam would just give you away. So, you ask Nat to meet you for lunch outside of your work in the middle of December. Her green eyes twinkling as if she already knows what you are going to ask her, as she takes a sip of her Cafe Americano.

“What is this about exactly?” she asks with certain coyness that makes you just a bit anxious.

“I was wondering what you could about Steve,” you immediately respond, “I mean outside of what he does and somethings here and there, I really don’t know much about him. He really keeps to himself, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know,” she smiles a bit more before adding to underneath her breath so that you don’t notice as you dig into your lunch, “Though mainly around you though.”

“So, what can you tell me?”

“What would you like, Steve?” Wanda questions with a bright smile, as said anxious man brings out two pieces of paper.

“I just wanted to run this by you...for her present,” he admits softly, as Wanda’s eyes widen a considerable amount. She gaps at the name printed before she goes from looking at the pair of tickets and Steve, who just moves around awkwardly in the booth seat.

“Are these?” she pauses, remembering how you hadn’t stopped talking to her and Pietro about a certain event for months only to be disappointed that you couldn’t get tickets due to annoying website problems, “How did you even get these?”

“A friend in the marketing department,” Steve admits bashfully with a shrug as Wanda looks at him -- as she is trying to read his mind before giving him a small smile.

“Well, I keep your secret for now, Rogers.”

Wanda keeps smile as Steve shakes his head, embarrassed and unsure of what to do next.

Nat gives you few details about the super secretive Steve, but she does tells you that even though she does tell that even though he works with an advertising agency what he really loves is to paint and visiting museums when he can, which isn’t often enough -- his words, not hers. It’s then when you set about to work, looking to see if you can find what type of art Steve might enjoy or what he even focuses on. As you go through your list of friends, that is  when you beginning to see -- the little spark of Steve Rogers that seems to shine in all of their lives.  

Steve seems to be the glue that holds everything together in your little grow of friends as you soon come to realize. He and Bucky knowing each other since childhood, meeting Sam and Nat in college (who brought in Clint, whom she has been dating since forever). He brought in Tony through work meetings and just sharing certain ideas in common, who in turn brought in Pepper (his now wife), Rhodey, and Sharon -- who had been dating Steve when you came in.

You had joined this little group as an extension of the twins, Wanda had meet Steve through her internship a few years back (she would later bring in her boyfriend, Viz) and Pietro basically considered another younger sister when you first meet back in college -- these two world collide and you had been part of it ever since. While, there were noticeable ages differences here and there, everyone was very supportive of the rest of the group -- milestones and birthdays were celebrated as a family. However, even family had fights sometimes, Sharon had thrown everyone into a tizzy when the all-American blond couple had broken up a few years back-- everyone seemed to have an opinion about the deterioration of their relationship, but you-- you were just trying to help.

“Hey Steve,” you were standing in front of his new apartment with a nervous smile, as blue eyes gave you a questioning look.

“Hey,” he starts off as he sees that you are carrying a large bag of food and other items, “I don’t mean to be rude, but can I help you with something?”

“I-I was just wondering if you wanted to have a night in,” you try your hardest not to stammer as he give you soft smile, “You know movies, pizza. Just if you want to.”

He scrutinizes you for a moment, wondering if you are just pitying him cause of the current situation at hand but as you beam at him a shy smile with bright eyes -- Steve knows that you aren’t. He knew that you were a sweet gal from what he had seen from afar and know you were just trying your best in a very confusing situation.

“Yeah, come in,” he states, opening the door a bit more as you nod and come in for one of the very best nights in your life.

It was only for a couple of weeks, Steve and Sharon tried to make it work one last time and then Bucky and Sam proceeded to through the ma in a stream of unsuccessful dates, but you were sure --even if you never spoke again after that-- that you fallen for the man...just a little bit.

And now, you wanted to lift his spirits, just a little bit.

Thus, when you realized and searched just exactly who Steve liked in terms of modern day artists -- well, you knew with all your pitched pennies what person you had to call on to get it.

“Hey Tony,” you call him one mid-December day, “I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

To be completely honest, Steve had sought out those tickets with a blind determination because he knew how much she loved that band -- she spoke about them all the time with Pietro, he had caught her humming their songs and lyrics from time to time with a bright smile on her face. He wanted to make her happy, but he was unsure how much he would enjoy them especially since he was aiming to be the one to be with her that night of the concert.

He personally knew how damaging it could be to see someone dislike or worst be uninterested in something you loved, so he goes to  Pietro for musical advice -- as bad as that sounds coming from Bucky’s annoyed tirade.

“Mmmm, I’ll just tell you her favorite song,” the young man smiles, as if he already knows what Steve is seeking out, though the blond never lets a word out.  

Steve finds himself staring at the purple cover art with a bit of apprehension, he had heard some of Pietro’s music before, but as he presses play -- he soon finds himself humming along.

The truth is that I fell in love with you And now I don't know what to do But I'd do anything to steal a little time

“I’m guessing your his Secret Santa,” Tony can’t help but remark as you stare at the painting in awe, as you shake your head.

Tony had helped you find an old art piece from an old Brooklyn artist that Steve seemed to be fond of and while you had a placed a good chunk in to pay for it, Tony had put the rest though as he already understood what you were going for.

“He’ll really love it,” Tony remarks as you turn and give him a bright grin that catches him off guard for a moment before he chuckles to himself. You’re confused for a moment before going back to staring at the painting. Later on, when you ask Tony how you were going to pay him back, he just shook his head vehemently.

“Anything to make the old man happy,” Tony states with a smile, using the old nickname for Steve that you still don’t quite understand the story behind. However, as you thank him, Tony knows that you don’t understand that he meant you instead of the painting placed behind the two of you.

Oh, if you only knew.

December 25th passes like a flash within your little group, as you all spend it in Tony’s Buffalo home.

Everyone watches gifts being exchanged with screams and excitement on how could it be. Most of your friends realize who their Secret Santa is by the end of the night. However, as you scream over the two tickets and Steve looks with awestruck wonder at the painting hanging in Tony’s living room. Neither of you say anything --too scared over the potential of rejected feelings than anything-- as the night moves forward.

The two of you say goodnight to each other awkwardly.

The rest of the group groans in annoyance and sets their own plans into motion.

It’s December 31st when you see Steve again, the craziness that comes with the end of year making it hard to see any of your friends until Tony’s party and while you had wished it was under better circumstances were also doing your best to avoid the man since the failure that came with your Christmas gift. His silence over the painting was something that stung you deeply. You knew a Steve that was already to debate and speak out about what bothered him -- you had seen it numerous times before when it came to politics or football, so to see him so quite shocked you.

You ran and hide for the entire night, while also trying to find who exactly had given you those tickets -- such a precious thing since the band’s music had helped you through some tough times. So, it didn’t help that through the process of elimination, you came to realize that it might have been Steve. He had given such a nice gift and you had give him...that thing.

You hated yourself for it, stuck between hiding and wanting to kiss him for such a beautiful thing.

It certainly didn’t help that he seemed to keep looking for you and he was a goddamn hound-dog when it came to it. Though, it wasn’t until the clock was close to midnight that you were able to catch your breath on the balcony overlooking the rest of Manhattan as the ball was close to dropping. Everyone inside was cheering the start of a new year, as certain song came up.

I just hope you realize That you know I believe in a thing called destiny So please don’t   Please don’t   Please don’t Don’t sleep on me

You gasp at the sound of a familiar song playing in the background of all the festivities, but instead of going back inside. You freeze at the sound of a certain voice: “It’s a good song, huh?”

You glance to your side to see a certain man in dark pants and a white shirt rolled up to his elbows as he seems more interested in swirling his drink before glancing to meet your eyes. He gives you a bashful smile before going back to looking at the city ready to enter a new year.

“It is. I love a lot of their music,” you state softly, unsure of where all this could be going as Steve nods.

“I’ve picked up a lot of their music recently,” Steve lets out an unsteady laugh, as your eyes widen just a but as you look at the blond, putting two and two together.

“Does that mean you,” you let out softly as somewhere in the background the countdown began, but you were unfolding something completely different,  “...gifted me the tickets for the concert?”

“I know how much to loved them,” Steve admits with a shake of his head and a  swing of his drink, trying to get some courage to move forward with admitting a lot of things, “And I know how hard you took it when you couldn’t get those tickets in time.”

“I...Thank you, Steve,” you grin, as the fireworks slowly begin to pop on the dark sky in front of you and for a moment you me mesmerized by how the colors light up the blue in his eyes.

“Anything for you, sweetheart,” Steve answers back softly, as he leans in a bit more for a second though your heart is going crazy at the new nickname he had given you, “ Does that mean I’m right in guessing that you gave me the painting?”

“Yeah, I even asked Tony for help,” you admit a bit embarrassed, “But you were so quiet, I didn’t...think you liked it.”

Steve has to look away and  laugh at this, as you give him a confused look: “I loved it. I was just shocked is all. You don’t see one of those everyday.”

“Oh, that’s good,” is all you can really say, trying not to skirm underneath his gaze that seems to have changed slightly from the friendly blue eyes you are used to -- it was more intense than before.

“So, since we both worked really hard on each other’s presents,” Steve starts off and though he seems calm, his heart is thumping like crazy, “That’s this might be more than a friend thing, right?”

Blue eyes keep watching you, as you nod meekly and unsure as he gives you the biggest grin.

“So, if I asked you--”

It’s all Steve gets in before you nod and pepper his cheeks with kisses, as he places his hands on your hips and spins for a brief moment, laughter echoing in the small balcony as the party keeps going on inside.

And even though, Christmas had come a little late for you -- the new year certainly look better than ever.

[idiosinkrasies]

Absolutely Smitten

"Why'd you make me come to this? I thought you loved me?" I complained to my friend, Chris, who had burst into my apartment and forced me to get dressed to come to a "concert" with his boyfriend. I had told him no, but he was insistent.

"I do, and that's why I wasn't going to let you be alone on a Saturday night." 

"But you know how much I hate being the third wheel." He rolled his eyes at that.

"You're not being the third wheel, you're just hanging out with your only friends."

"Hey I have my theatre friends." I point out.

"Ok, your only close friends." 

I let out a humph and we continue to walk from James's car to the venue the band was playing. It was smaller than most places but it was big enough to hold over 1500 people at a sold out show. And the show had sold out. The band was called Ex-Mormons and consisted of Nabulungi Hatimbi as the lead vocalist and lead guitarist, Arnold Cunningham as the drummer, Kevin Price as the bassist and backup vocals, and Kevin's brother, Jack Price, on the keyboard.

Now, Connor had heard nothing of them, but Chris was obsessed with them, so he got the tickets the moment they came out (He tried to get backstage passes but they weren't available) and now he was practically running, hand-in-hand with James to the venue and pulling Connor along by his sleeve.

When they got there, the place already had a decent amount of people in it, so the trio was closer to the front, but not right up front.

"I can't believe I'm actually gonna see Ex-Mormons live!" Chris said, while bouncing up and down.

"I know you're excited babe," James laughed at his boyfriends childish demeanor "but we have to wait another 25 minutes til they're on."

Chris frowned but was patient enough to wait for the rest of the crowd to fill in. After about 20 minutes the place was filled and the band was about to enter. When they did it was like a sensory overload to Connor and he didn't really remember it afterwards.

Far into the concert Connor got separated from Chris and James by people moving around and pushing him and soon he found himself at the very front of the venue and his eyes landed on the bassist, Kevin, he remembered from what Chris had told him. He was entranced by his focused face and precise hands playing each note perfectly. His brown hair flopping in front of his eyes of the same color.

Then the brunet looked up as he stopped playing and met Connor's eyes. For a few moments it seems like they're the only two people in the universe. Then the man smirked at Connor and his face flourished into a bright red color as the band moved onto the next song and Kevin went back to playing his bass.

For the rest of the night Connor couldn't get Kevin out of his head, but he was sure that he'd never get to see him again.

*3rd POV still but like with kevin after the show*

Kevin walked off the stage and immediately face-planted into the couch and groaned.

"What's up with you?" Jack asked, flicking his brothers head.

"I'm in love." Kevin said looking up at his band mates.

"Ok that's got to be an exaggeration, how were you not in love before the show and in love after?" Naba pointed out his bs.

"Ok ok, I saw this really cute guy in the audience and well he's my one true love."

"I knew I saw you staring at someone or something at one point. What does he look like." Arnold poked his friends face, until Kevin swatted his hand away.

"Perfect." Kevin said thinking back to the mystery man.

"Elaborate." Naba said, plainly.

"He has red hair and lots of freckles on his pale skin and blue eyes and, from what I could see, a perfect body." He wasn't going to mention what he wanted to do to that body. (I'm sorry but that sounds slightly murderer-ish kevin)

"Man, he seems like a catch," Kevin nodded at Jacks comment "too bad you'll never see him again." Naba hit his arm to shut him up and let their friend/brother have his dream. Kevin just groaned and shoved his face back into the pillow he was holding and let out a muffled sound. Arnold moved to comfort him.

"It's ok, best friend, there's still a chance you'll see him again,and if not then there's more people for you to fall in love with at firs sight." He said while patting Kevin's back. Kevin just groaned in response.

*back to connors POV we'll you know what i mean*

Connor had just finished preforming a play he was in at a local theater and was in his dressing room. As he was changing he let his mind drift and it drifted back to the bassist who had played a few nights prior. He shook the thoughts of Kevin from his head, saying that he'll never see him again and he probably didn't even like him.

After changing he said his goodbyes to his cast mates and off he went. When he was walking to the door he spotted someone outside the door waiting for something or someone. As Connor moved closer he realized that it was the bassist, Kevin, standing and looking around, trying to spot someone.

Connor walked out the doors and his eyes met the brunets as Kevin turned. Connor saw him smile and walk over to him.

"I saw you in the play, you were really good." He told Connor. "I think I also saw you at one of my concerts, what a coincidence."

"Yeah, we did make eye contact, but I thought that I wouldn't get a chance to see you again." Connor said, pushing some hair out of his eyes as he was suddenly aware of what he must look like.

"Well here I am," Connor giggled and Kevin thought he might have a heart attack "You're Connor, right? It was on the cast list."

"Yeah, that's me, Kevin?"

"Yep!"

"Well it was very nice meeting you, Kevin, but I have to get going-" Connor was interrupted.

"Wait, I wanted to ask you, even though we kind of just met, do you wanna go out for dinner tonight? It's my last day here before we all head off to another show." Kevin said. Connor was stunned. Did this handsome man, who he had been crushing on slightly, just ask him out. He felt his head begin to nod.

"Yeah, sure, that sounds great." He said, sounding shocked because he honestly still was.

"Great, here's my number, text me went you can and we can make a plan." Kevin said handing Connor a paper with a phone number on it before leaning down and kissing Connor on the cheek. "Later!" He called as he made his way to his car. Connor stood there for a moment, processing what just happened. When he did his face went red and he looked at the number in his hand.

Good seeing you again xo

xxx-xxx-xxxx

-Kevin P.

*time skip*

"And how long have you been dating the bassist for Ex-Mormons?" The host asked me on the talk show I was on. It has been years since Kevin and I met and started dating and both of us have gotten more recognition. I've been on Broadway as a supporting role and I've been in multiple big movies as both supporting characters and mains. Ex-Mormons has grown in fan base and has be placed on top charts all around the world.

"It's been about 7 years I'd say." I replied and the audience cheered.

"Wow, you two must really like each other to be able to tolerate each other that long." The host joked, we all laughed.

"Yeah well, I'd hope so."

"Well, Connor, we have a bit of a surprise here for you tonight. Everyone, please welcome, Kevin Price from Ex-Mormons!" A spot light came on over Kevin. I gasped because I hadn't seen him in a few months due to him touring and me filming. He had a ukulele  and was sitting on a stool. He began to play a song. 

He knows this feeling all to well

He feels his heart begin to swell

Handsome stranger,

You've made his insides turn to jelly

He wants to dance around the room

Kiss you until your lips turn blue

But handsome you've made him wonder

Is he pretty?

But it's too late

He believes in fate

He's absolutely smitten

He'll never let you go

As Kevin sang, Connor realized how much the song reminded him of how he and his boyfriend first met. Kevin stood up and walked over to where Connor sat and pulled him to stand before pulling him to the stool and sitting him down. Connor just stared up at the man singing in awe of his voice and the words flooding his senses.

That boy just there yes he's the one

With cupid's arrow in his bum

Handsome stranger you have made him happy

The first in a long time!

Did you just whisper in his ear

Words he only dreamed to hear?

Pretty fella, look at how he's smiling

I think he likes you!

The more he sang, the more Connor smiled, remembering how kevin smiled at him at his concert.

But it's too late

You believe in fate

You're absolutely smitten

You'll never let her go

But it's too late

I believe in fate!

I'm absolutely smitten,

I'll never let you go

I'll never let you go

I'll never let you go

He ended the song and the room erupted in applause. When everyone calmed down Kevin stood in front of Connor.

"Connor, I've know you for 7 years of my life and those 7 years have been the best," He started, looking deep into his lovers eyes "we saw each other in the best of time and helped each other out of the worst." Connor thought back to telling both of their famalies about their relationship and how badly that went, luckily they both each other and their siblings. Connor was overcome by a wave of happiness as Kevin continued talking, remembering just how much he loves the other man.

"When I first saw you in the crowd of that concert I said I was in love with you. Now, at the time, it was a bit of an exaggeration but now i can happily say that it's not. I believe that we were meant to be together, we met at my concert and then again at your show, so it must have been fate. Which is why, Connor McKinley," he got down on one knee and pulled out a black velvet box, Connor's hand shot to his mouth "would you do me the honor of spending the rest of my life you, will you marry me?" He finally got out, opening the box to reveal a beautiful silver ring with Connor's rose quartz in the middle.

Tears of joy were coming out of both men's eyes as Connor nodded frantically repeatedly saying the word "yes". Kevin stood up and hugged Connor and the moved to kiss him as the room cheered for the happy couple. The two pulled away and Kevin slipped the ring onto the redheads ring finger and pulled him in for another kiss, this time Connors left hand came up to rest on Kevin's face, letting him feel the cool ring on his finger.

The wedding was beautiful and everyone was happy. Kevin and Connor adopted a little girl and they continued to prosper in their careers, allowing them to live wealthily with their small, but close and loving family, loving every minute of the rest of their lives.

[hmorris0712]

soulmate~ tyler joseph x reader (PART ONE)

you never believed in the idea of having a soulmate.

all your friends have always fawned over merely the thought of it, especially as kids. they always daydreamed about the moment they would get their soulmate, the day they’d meet their soulmate. heck, some were so crazy that they were already planning the wedding they’d have with their soulmate.

you just thought the whole thing was creepy. someone being able to hear your inner thoughts and emotions? someone who could talk to you in your head? not to mention you’d be able to do those same things with them as well. the whole idea just disgusted you.

you never cared for the whole soulmate business.

until you got yours.

you remember the moment vividly.

you woke up one morning to the sound of a very beautiful male voice singing softly. at first you thought it was coming from somewhere inside your house, but when you searched every room and found that the sound never got closer or farther away, you realized it was in your head.

it was your soulmate.

you instantly got butterflies in your stomach at the realization. your mind started spinning as you wondered how the heck you’d talk to them. do you just say something? how were you supposed to go about this? you realized that you actually weren’t disgusted right then, but instead you were curious. you wanted to know who this boy was. you wanted to see him. you wanted to say-

“hello.”

you jumped at the voice suddenly talking directly to you now.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to startle you, but you do know i can hear your thoughts, right?”

you had no idea how to respond.

“please say something before i get anxious and start thinking that you don’t like me.” you could already feel his nerves start to rise, so you somehow mustered up a greeting.

uhh, hey. sorry about that, i just didn’t expect to get a soulmate today. you have a beautiful voice by the way.

you felt the heat rise to his cheeks, which caused you to blush in response. this is so weird.

“thanks. and yeah, it is kinda weird, sorry.”

no don’t apologize, it’s nice having someone to talk to for a change.

he smiled. of course you couldn’t see him, but you sensed his happiness melting onto you.

“my name’s tyler by the way. nice to meet you.”

then it was your turn to smile. that name matches his cute soft voice perfectly. nice to meet you too tyler. i’m (y/n).

“that’s such a beautiful name.”

yours is better. it’s still the weirdest sensation. being able to talk to someone without seeing them or opening your mouth.

“thanks, but it’s really not that great, it’s pretty generic.”

well if i were you, i’d love my name more than anyone else’s.

the amount of happiness he was feeling in that moment made you want to combust, especially since it was being combined with your own joy.

you know, i used to not want a soulmate, but i think i can live with this.

he laughed. you wish you knew what he looked like so you could match his face with his adorable laugh.

“don’t worry, we’ll see each other one day.” you still get caught off guard a little each time he answers your inner thoughts and concerns.

yeah, i hope so.

time flew by, and soon enough it’s already been two and a half years of having tyler being in your head. the two of you have gotten extremely close. you’ve never loved someone before, but if you had to guess what loving someone feels like, you’d probably say that’s what you feel for tyler. and as of right now, you only have one goal in life: to meet the amazing boy in your head.

you have found out a lot of things about tyler in these two years, like his age, where he lives, and the fact that he’s in a band, which explains why he’s always singing. he also told you that he plays a variety of instruments, some of which include piano, ukulele, and bass guitar.

you hold a huge sense of pride in knowing your soulmate is so talented. it just makes you feel so much better about the world.

you look out your window for a second before fixing your eyes on the road again. you sigh, becoming bored with the sounds of cars zooming past you, so you turn on the radio and flip to that one station that plays all the popular songs of the week or so. a catchy tune starts playing, followed by a voice. an extremely familiar voice.

your heart speeds up and you find yourself using more energy to try to breathe than you normally would. you know that voice anywhere. just to make sure, you listen more thoroughly. after only a few more seconds, you don’t even need to think twice about it: your soulmate is on the radio.

you look at the screen on your car that shows the title of the song and the artist so you can look them up later. stressed out by twenty one pilots.

you hurriedly park your car and immediately look up the band on google. the results show some pictures of two men, a shorter guy pink hair, and a slightly taller man with brown hair. the names given to these two members are josh dun and tyler joseph.

tyler joseph.

that’s him.

you smile to yourself as your heart flutters. just when you thought his name couldn’t get any prettier, it did.

since you don’t know which of the two guys he is, you look up the name ‘tyler joseph’ next and go to images. the results that show up are the brown haired boy from the band pictures you searched previously. you study the pictures closely, trying to memorize every inch of his face. he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. and these are only pictures.

your heart is beating rapidly, your stomach is a whirlwind, and you don’t know how to calm down.

“hey, are you alright? i’m sorry for being nosey, i just couldn’t help but notice that you’re a lot more tense than usual and i wanted to make sure you’re okay.” just when you thought your emotions couldn’t get any higher, he just sent them over the moon. he’s the sweetest guy ever.

i’m fine tyler. there was a car that almost ran into mine on my way to work, but i’m good. it just gave me an adrenaline rush is all. you give an excuse to cover this up. you don’t exactly want him finding out...yet.

“are you okay? did you get hurt?” he frantically asks at the mention of a car crash.

you laugh at the amount of concern. he’s showing right now. no, tyler. i’m perfectly fine. like i said, they *almost* crashed into me. it was a close call, but they didn’t hit me.

“oh good, i just wanna make sure. i don’t know what i’d do if something were to happen to you (y/n).” he says lovingly.

you listen to him talk to you while looking at the pictures of him, and it makes perfect sense. his voice matches that face all too well. you can’t help but let a huge wave of happiness wash over you.

tyler you’re the sweetest.

“i try.” you know he’s smirking right now. god, why can’t you just meet him? why don’t the two of you live near each other?

“i oftentimes finds myself thinking about you, (y/n). you dominate most of my thoughts, and it just makes me realize how much i need you. i need to see you (y/n). i just don’t know how.” he explains nervously. you can feel his heart racing, causing yours beat quicker in turn. you smile, feeling an enormous amount of love from him pouring down on you.

while he’d been talking, you visited the band’s website and found their tour dates. as you gaze upon the date for your city, you reach out to him. we’ll see each other soon enough.

“how can you be sure?”

your smile never stops growing. i just know it tyler. he smiles as a warmth takes over his heart. “i hope you’re right.”

~one month later~

today.

today, you get to go to a concert.

but not just any concert.

a twenty one pilots concert.

you’re so excited you might burst. you had purchased a general admission ticket for yourself the day you found out about tyler’s band. you did some reasearch to find out how to get the front row, because you were going to get front row. you had to get as close to him as possible.

you looked up some fanpages for the band on twitter and found that most fans of their fans camp out at the venue a day or two before the concert to make sure they get barricade. so you decided that getting there around twenty four hours before the concert would be pretty good time.

when you got there, there were only three people in line. sweet. you approached them and immediately clicked with them. they were decked out in merch from top to bottom. you had a tank top and beanie that were merch items. you paired them with white high rise jeans and black high top converse, accompanied by some thread bracelets color coordinated with the band colors.

when night came, the three of them very generously offered to share their tent with you since they loved you so much already. in the morning you helped them take it down and snacked with them afterwards for ‘breakfast’, or as much of a breakfast as it could be. you brought your own share of snacks as did they, so you all traded food with one another. one of the girls turned on her music and started playing their newest album blurryface. you all jammed out and told stories, laughing all your troubles away.

the four of you are currently sitting in a circle and playing cards. jamie, one of the two twins, places a card down on the quickly growing pile of cards in the center. “one jack.” she says innocently. jason, jamie’s twin brother, slams his hand down on top of the card. “I CALL BS!!” he yells. he picks up the card and looks at it. sure enough, he was right. it was an ace instead of a jack. he laughs in victory as jamie frowns and sadly takes all the cards in the middle, adding them to her existing hand of cards.

“you cheated.” she says, side-eyeing jason. confusion takes over his face. “how did i cheat?” “telepathy.” jamie spits out, crossing her arms over her chest. jason rolls his eyes. “yeah right, i can’t read your mind. only josh can do that.” he fires back.

“josh?” you ask, stricken with curiosity. carly, jamie’s best friend, speaks up. “you know, josh. josh dun. the guy we’re about to see. her soulmate.” your eyes widen. “josh is her soulmate?” you exclaim. “i know, she got real lucky.” carly replies.

you shake your head. “oh no, it wasn’t that. it’s just kinda funny that josh is your soulmate, because tyler is mine.” you explain with a laugh. jason and carly’s jaws drop. “you’re kidding.” jason says. jamie’s face lights up and she stands, rushing to the other side of the circle. you stand up as well and she hugs you. “is he really?” she asks. you nod vigorously. “yeah, really. he sings to me all the time.” you say, swooning internally at the thought of seeing him in person in less than an hour.

jamie squeals. “girl this is crazy!!” your smile grows significantly. “i know! fate really gave us the best.” the two of you laugh and hug again, unable to contain your excitement.

“alright, alright, you guys get to see your soulmates tonight, congratulations. now can we get back to the game?” jason says unenthusiastically. carly’s mouth is still wide open as she watches you guys sit down. “i cant believe this. they’re both taken now.” she says as she stares off into the distance. you laugh and place down a queen into the middle of the pile.

jamie suddenly gasps. “DID HE WRITE TEAR IN MY HEART FOR YOU (Y/N)?” she asks almost desperately. you shrug. “i mean, i don’t really know. i don’t know if he has a girlfriend or n-” “nope he’s single. he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet. it’s GOTTA be you.” carly interrupts you.

you smile and cover your mouth with your hand, eyes watering with joy. jamie is a squealing mess right now, already shipping the two of you hardcore already.

“oh, bs (y/n).” jason says amidst jamie’s freaking out. you smirk and shake your head, picking up your queen and showing him. he deadpans for a couple seconds before taking the card. “at least it’s only one card.” he says, chuckling at jamie. she rolls her eyes back at him.

you look at your cards and zone out for a little, a giddy smile taking over your face.

“you seem really happy today. got something going on?”

your smiles grows even more at the sound of his voice. yeah, i just made some new friends while waiting in line for a concert.

you feel tyler’s spirits lift a little. “what band is it?”

“(y/n), they’re letting us in the venue now!” carly snaps you out of your thoughts. “oh sorry! here, i’ll help pick up the cards.” you reply.

i’ll tell you later, we’re going inside now. talk to ya later ty! you say as you gather the cards.

“why’d you drop the ‘ler’ from my name?” he jokes. you chuckle. it’s just a nickname tyler.

“i know, i was just messing with you. josh calls me that too, but it sounds much cuter when you say it.” your smiles grows and your cheeks turn red.

“i’ll let you go though now, i’ve got my own show to put on. bye (y/n).” he says cheerily.

bye tyler.

~~~~~

the large screens fade black as the concert finally starts. with four beats, the top three circles of the album cover appear. after about ten more seconds, the screen glitches before the next set of three circles appear. next the bottom three appear and the beats transition into the fairly local music.

soon a face appears, seeming to have been made out of the blurryface album cover circles. they appear to have been squished together, eyes and a mouth strategically placed on them to make a character. possibly blurryface.

the low signature blurryface voice starts the rap. “yo, this song will never be on the radio.” he raps, everyone in then pit yelling along with him. you’re too stunned to do anything right now, this is the most insane thing you’ve ever seen.

“the world around us is burning, but we’re so cold. it’s the...” the voice cuts off and the screen goes back to black, the crowd finishing the lyrics for the strange character.

the background music to the chorus of fairly local plays, practically sucking the air right out of your lungs. you feel the bass in your chest, your heart thumping to the beat of it. you hear the live drums and look over to your left, spotting josh dun himself on the drum riser. upon seeing josh, your immediate thought it that if he’s out on stage, tyler must be too. you look to the right of josh and holy crap there he is.

tyler joseph. your soulmate. standing ominously on an elevated platform merely fifteen feet from you. he looks incredibly intimidating, especially since you can only see his silhouette as of right now. soon the purple lights flashing on stage turn to red, and the beat to the music changes speed, transitioning into heavydirtysoul.

you’ve been to many concerts before, but none can compare to this one, even though you’re only two minutes in. although it’s only tyler and josh up on the stage, they carry the energy of ten people with them.

you and your friends sing and scream your way through the concert, having the time of your lives together. you ended up getting barricade at the very center. this is definitely the best concert you’ve ever gone to.

~~~

“how’s everybody doin so far, you all doin okay?” tyler asks the crowd followed by a bunch of cheers. you watch him in awe. he’s just talking, but you’re still amazed that he’s real. and he’s right in front of you.

hey tyler? you reach out to him in your mind.

“yeah?” he replies as he pushes his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. it’s the strangest thing, hearing his voice without seeing his mouth moving.

you’re the best. you watch as his smile grows to the size of the moon, boosting your happiness to the max.

“why do you say that?” he asks you before asking telling everyone else that this is so far one of the best shows he’s ever played. everyone screams and shouts in response to his statement.

you smile. because it’s true.

he runs a hand through his brown locks quickly and looks down at his black vans, smiling.

the show continues, and it seems like ever since you complimented him, he’s been in a significantly happier state, the energy from him growing stronger and giving you an adrenaline rush.

they just finished playing the run and go from their previous album vessel. it’s a blackout right now, crowd ambiance being the only audible thing. soon the lights turn back on to reveal tyler sitting at his piano a little to the right of you.

he speaks into the microphone. “this next one i wrote for someone very special to me.” everyone in the pit goes crazy because they know exactly which song it is. some of the people scream “JOOOSH!!”

“guys- no, it’s not josh!” tyler says in fake annoyance. josh starts laughing and covers his face with one of his hands. tyler looks over at him and starts laughing as well. “he does know who it’s about though.” he explains.

“i- i actually haven’t told anyone else yet.” he says as he plays some slow chord progressions that vaguely match the chords of tear in my heart.

“but i just feel like tonight, this crowd...you guys deserve to know.” all the people around you cheer with excitement.

but suddenly tyler’s fingers come to an abrupt stop from the melody they were playing. “and if you’re recording do not post this anywhere.” he half-scolds. scattered laughs are heard around the pit. “i’m being serious! if you’re still recording...guys if i see this up on youtube or anywhere i’m gonna be so pissed.” this sends almost the whole crowd into laughter.

tyler stares sternly into the crowd for a couple seconds before a smile breaks out on his face, followed by a laugh erupting from his chest. “i like teasing you guys, this is the best.” he continues the chord progression he’d been doing earlier.

“for real though, i love you guys, thank you for being here tonight. this night wouldn’t be the same without you.” he says with a smile that only grows as his people let out cries of joy.

“i wrote this song for my soulmate.” he says with a huge smile. jamie and carly start screaming and jumping, shaking you as you laugh with them. if you doubted it before, you sure don’t now. you now have 100% confirmation this song is about you.

“and it’s called tear in my heart.” tyler says as the chords fade out. you smile. josh raises his drumsticks in the air. he and tyler share a look before starting the song.

“an-nyang-ha-se-yo!”

you feel so indescribably happy right now you could burst. the first time you listened to this song, you had the feeling it was about you. this was the first song of theirs you memorized all the lyrics to.

“the songs on the radio are okay.” tyler says. this next line is probably your favorite line written by anyone ever.

the whole crowd screams it along with tyler. “but MY taste in music is your FACE.” his smile hasn’t left his face since he started this song.

soon the bridge comes along. you never quite understood what he meant by you falling asleep in his car since you’ve never been in his car, but nonetheless it’s such a sweet bridge.

you sing along to the lyrics with everyone else, ecstatic and still a little shocked that you’re literally ten feet away from the love of your life.

“sometimes you gotta bleed to know, oh-oh, that you’re alive and have a so-oh-oul. but it takes someone to come around to show you how-” he steps up onto his piano and holds his arms out for everyone to sing the chorus. he whips off his sunglasses, revealing the rest of his cute face you love with all of your heart.

as the crowd continues singing, he hurriedly steps off the piano and backs up quickly, followed by running forward quickly and jumping off and over his piano on the beat and landing in time to begin singing again.

“my heart is my armor. she’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver. she’s a butcher with a smile!” he sings as he runs across the stage with a ridiculous amount of energy. “cut me farther than i’ve ever been!” he sings as he runs up to the front center of the stage, literally right in front of you. “SCREEEAAAMMMMMM!” he shouts outwards towards the pit. they do as told, screaming from the top of their lungs. their energy fuels him as he skips back over to his piano.

“than i’ve ever been, my heart...is my armor,” he sings more slowly than he previously had. you can’t take your eyes off of him. “she’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver.” you try to blink back the tears brimming in your eyes.

he looks so good right now, you just want to run up on stage and hug him as hard as humanly possible.

“she’s a butcher with a smile, cut me farther...” he sings with his eyes closed, the tempo even slower than before. he pauses and holds out the chord on the piano.

his eyes open and immediately fall on yours and you feel a strong tug on your heart as tears start to fall onto your face. his mouth opens slightly and you can tell he felt the same thing you just did. “(y/n)?” his voice rings in your head. you nod as you start to sob into your hands, but still looking at him.

“than i’ve ever been.” he manages to choke out slowly, his eyes never leaving you once. his voice wavers a bit, sounding on the brink of tears. josh crashes on his symbols like crazy for the big finish. tyler covers his mouth with one hand, trying to prevent himself from crying on stage, but soon failing. your smile grows bigger than you ever thought it could.

he covers his face with his hands, quickly wiping his tears away. jamie and carly are crying and shouting in high pitched voices, claiming ‘that was the most wholesome thing they’ve ever witnessed’ and they ‘hardcore ship you guys’.

you never thought you could be happier than you are right now in this moment.

to be continued...

[seungmin-jpeg]

Stray Kids on Tumblr // Jeongin

Chan // Woojin // Minho // Changbin // Hyunjin // Jisung // Felix // Seungmin // Jeongin //

To pure for tumblr 

To to to pure

Honestly he’d never have a tumblr

Hed be all over instagram tho

But for the sake of this 

I'll make it work lol

Has a very cute blog

Lots of puppies

Honestly just a lot of soft baby animals in general 

Like little sloths rolling around 

Cute foxes jumping around in fields

He’d reblog show recs 

For you know 

All that free time he has right

I feel like he’d be well aware of the kpop fans on tumblr 

So honestly he wasn't that surprised when he started to see stray kids stuff pop up everywhere

But he was surprised to see that he himself was getting lots of attention among fans

Sure he gets lots of attention from his members

But he didnt think he’d get a lot from fans???

Man he was wrong

He’d totally be that blog that reblogs a bunch of fanart

Like all kinds of fanart

All the fanart in the whole fanbase of stray kids

Always includes cute little tags 

Gushing over how beautiful the artwork is 

Always has to be super careful to not use personal pronouns 

Because that would be a disaster 

He’s smart enough to know being on social media

Especially tumblr 

Was not the smartest idea buttttttt...

Anyways 

Has a lot of pastels in his theme 

Put a decent amount of effort into his mobile theme

Still has the default desktop theme tho

Is the actual definition of the Soft Tumblr Stan

He reblogged one of your fanarts once

And you were just doing the usual checking of the reblogs to see if anyone tagged anything

Because reading tags on your art is the best thing

And this blog bean-worm had the cutest tags

You were like what kind of url is bean-worm but aye whatever

You ended up checking out more of his blog

And there were cute little baby animals everywhere 

And pretty fanart

So you ended up following this bean-worm blog

And just cause you could 

And no stranger has ever left such nice tags on any of your pieces 

You messaged him 

And thanked him for all the nice things he said about your art

And how it made your day

Jeongins all fluttery now

Because first of all this is the first message from someone whos not one of those bots

And the message was so nice his heart might actually melt. 

So of course he response 

And thus starts the purest of friendships 

So pure it’s whiter than the whitest white on earth 

Does that make sense what

Anyways 

Ngl

It doesn’t take to long for you to realize its jeongin

Jeongin really just threw caution to the wind when he started messaging you

Sure jyp had warned them all about this

And he’d heard about the stories with day6

But yolo am i right 

So the two of you talk for a long time

Like a year

Conversation drops every now and then

Naturally cause jeongin is busy

You never really go out of your way to let him know you know its him

But he’s not dumb

So he has a little bit of an idea that you know

So then it becomes an odd “we both know” elephant in the room

But that doesn't effect the friendship

Um so yah time’s past since you first started talking 

And stray kids has already announced they’re going on a world tour 

You flip shit because already holy cow

But of course you’re like rip wallet im going nothing's holding me back

You were out to get the best ticket 

And man did you get a good ticket 

Vip boiiiiiii

Youre going to meet stray kids irl

Hi touch, group photo the whole deal

You’re going to meet jeongin 

Omg you’re going to met him 

At this point it was like meeting a mutual for the first time

So you shakily get on tumblr 

Still trying to recover from the fact you lost a few of your lives buying the ticket

And you shoot jeongin a message

Just something like 

“I got a vip ticket to see stray kids”

And now jeongin is looking down at his phone in the practice room

Because oh god he’s going to meet you

Should he tell you who he is 

I mean you already knew 

He knew that 

But should he really say it straight out

He ends up replying with a simple “i’ll get to meet you then!” 

And just to confirm your ever growing suspicion you mention you never told him which city you’ll be at

And he’s just kinda “oh, ill be at all of them”

And you laugh and say “thought so” 

So jeongins identity has been confirmed 

Without him risking that much 

Because how would someone convince anyone that’s him from those screenshots 

Especially with the url bean-worm wow

That would be a stretch 

The day of the concert slowly arrives 

You watch the videos from other concerts flood your social media 

And try your hardest to avoid spoilers

When it gets even closer 

You send a picture of the outfit you’ll be wearing to jeongin

So he can spot you easier

Of course you wont need any help finding him 

Its all the emotions the day of the concert as you wait in line 

Firstly its a freakin stray kids concert 

Second you got the best ticket

Third you’re legit going to go through hi touch with all the members holy crap

And fourth you're finally going to be able to meet your lovely friend and mutual jeongin 

You had the time of your life during the concert 

Had a great spot with a great view 

Tons of friendly people around you

Just really having the time of your life 

The concert ended and then it was hitouch time 

Your heart couldn’t have been any louder as the set up for everything 

You hung out with the others fans 

Waiting while the boys got themselves together  

When they finally came back out 

You could tell jeongin was searching for you

Part of you wanted to stand up and make yourself known 

The other part of you wanted to hide behind the nearest person and never let him see you

So inteast you just stayed put

Not too noticeable 

But not hidden

Nothing 

And no one

Can escape jeongin’s hawk eyes

He found you real quick

And couldn’t help but smile a tiny bit when he saw you

He’d finally found you

And damn you looked just as perfect as he had imagined you to be

Actually you looked even better

All he knew was that it was going to take a miracle for him to keep himself together when you finally got closer

Like

His first hitouch had been super nerveraking 

But this wasn’t his first hitouch

No he had done so many at this point

But it was like three times the nervousness he had felt during his first hitouch

He didnt know what to do with himself

The line started to move forward

And you fell in place somewhere near the back

Too nervous to really try and get up in front

But also wanting to hold out the moment just a little longer

Slowly you got closer and closer

And of course jeongin was at the very end of the line

At this point youre just like

God please dont let my hand get all sweaty

Youre like seconds away from blacking out because so many emotions at once

Finally its ur turn

And your panicking

Because simply meeting skz is enough to shut all your organs down

Ur gushing from witnessing chan and his curly hair in person

And talk about real luck getting to see minho in pastel pink hair 

And then at the very end

You see jeongins bright smile

Now braces free

All your nervousness melts away when you see him

And its all replaced with pure joy

Youre not really sure what to say

So you just say “good job” 

And stare really intensely into his eyes

Because yes

And he kinda gives your hand a little squeeze as you pass by

And your heart just flips

Like damn boys about to kill you 

By the time you finally got back from the venue and settled down in bed 

You look down at your phone and see a message from him

And ur like wtf rest my dude you just did a whole concert

But when you open the message you just

Uwu

Because it read “you’re even pretty then i had imagined” 

Now youre dead

And you send back a cheeky response to jeongin which means hes on uwu overload too

And its a good night all around

And you can tell its only going to get better

[outroshooky]

love yourself world tour - newark, nj (9/29/2018)

Where do I even begin?

Last night was one of the most incredible nights of my life, and it didn’t sink in until I woke up this morning and my first thought was “I saw BTS yesterday”. They’re so real to me now- of course, you see them on interviews and you have their photocards and their bon voyage episodes, but it never really feels like they’re truly human until they’re standing in front of you in the middle of twenty thousand people, grinning from ear to ear. The joy radiated from all of their faces, and believe me when I say I'm not exaggerating that they glowed- in fact, they literally did! MELANIN. MEL-A-FUCKING-NIN, they’re so tan! It's so refreshing to see them not-whitewashed!

The energy on stage last night was insane. The Love Yourself concert was also my first ever concert- I don't get out much, haha- and I don't think I could have asked for a better show to take my concert virginity. The vibes and aura radiated from the crowd back to them and from them to us… seeing and hearing and being a part of the ARMY fanchant is an experience unto itself. When I first found my seat in the arena, the first thing I heard was a few thousand voices singing along to Save Me. Honestly, I almost started crying on the spot. Save Me has always had a special place in my heart as being the song that got me into BTS (along with me identifying with the song as a whole) and I had chills listening to it even from walking around in the lower levels on the way to finding my section. The atmosphere literally buzzed with excitement, but morphed into one of love as the night went on. It was written all over their faces just how much fun they were having… but more on all of these points later.

Pre-concert

I found @starlightaetae about an hour after I arrived at Prudential and we waited in line to take a picture together in front of the massive BTS world tour banner set up in the middle of the merch area. I think one of the most refreshing things about walking around before the concert was seeing all seven members equally represented by fans. So many Namjoon stans, and Jin stans too! A lot of people went to the Line store in NYC before arriving at Prudential, and as a result there were tons and tons of people with Bt21 merch, banners, and the like. I saw a girl walking around in a Koya onesie, and that was super cool!

I have never seen such diversity in the fan base as I have with ARMY. Young, old, gay, straight, black, white, tall, short, everything and everyone in between was there at yesterday’s concert. People I never would have guessed to be fans of BTS were walking around completely decked out in merchandise. While we were waiting in line, I saw a trio of sixty-plus women all wearing tour shirts- one of whom even painted her sneakers to say BTS! There was someone else wearing Hoseok’s iconic yellow sweatshirt/basketball jersey look, and they were wearing a wig dyed the color of his hair at the time!

Some of the most impactful moments of yesterday were standing in the middle of the merch area or on lines and watching all of the people mix and mingle around us. Everybody was introducing themselves, hyping each other up because it's BTS, and how can you not? To see all of these people come out, people I never would have guessed to be stans… it was really heartening. I realized just how many people these seven boys have touched, forgoing language and nationality and gender to reach out to people of all ages around the world. Everyone was a really good sport about things; I didn't hear a single complaint from anybody, even when for example the photobooth was closed. People were polite and respectful; some let us take pictures with their pickets, which had sold out by the time I’d gotten there. Overall, there was this energy that buoyed the thousands of us all crammed into the area around the stadium… it was infectious. Some dancers flash-mobbed an entrance and were dancing not only to BTS songs like Fake Love and Lie, but to other kpop songs. About a hundred people were clustered around them, singing along and cheering them on, and yet again I realized just how many people have been impacted by the boys. And then it sunk in that I was standing outside of the building where these same boys were and I lost my shit.

When I walked into the concert venue, my hands were trembling so bad that the usher couldn't scan my ticket for a few seconds because of the shaking barcode. Then it scanned; I was green lighted to go in and it all hit at once. The fanchant was filtering from up the escalator, the air was smoky with fake fog, my knees started shaking and I think at that point Nicole and I grabbed onto each other and cried a little bit because what else were we gonna do, I mean really. We held each other up for a good few minutes, especially when we stepped into a mezzanine section and got a look at the stage for the first time. I could see my upper level section (211!) from where we were standing, and my vertigo kicked in for a few seconds, and then excitement and nervousness took over (I think I should note here that I was actually so nervous that I didn't eat anything yesterday except for two slices of toast for breakfast. It sunk in during the car ride home that I hadn't eaten anything the entire day and then I was starving haha). Nicole and I went our separate ways here, and we waited about an hour and a half from then until the concert started. In the meantime, we waved our ARMY bombs and found each other across the arena (which was fun since it was mostly empty at the time) and just took it all in. The screens were playing BTS music videos, and I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of several thousand people singing Spring Day as one collective voice. Hearing people’s screams when Boy Meets Evil, Blood Sweat and Tears, and I Need U came on gave me chills.

The two seats next to me were empty, so I had relatively free space to move around, except I managed to dump my water bottle all over my drawstring bag and everything inside of it in the first ten minutes of the show… rip my program book, which is still drying out on the kitchen counter. I did manage to grab an extra Magic Shop sign though since mine was ripped and sopping wet. As the minutes ticked down, the energy in the arena grew even more frenzied, with the entire crowd (and forming ARMY bomb ocean!) screaming and bopping along to the Mic Drop music video. At 6:00pm, the lights shut off and Fake Love played, with the entire audience lit up only by light sticks screaming the lyrics. When the intro VCR started playing, I could see part of the stage open up from where I was sitting and I realized I could see the top of Namjoon’s head as they knelt on the platform. That was fucking surreal. Then the VCR ended, the lights shut off, the opening chords of Idol rang through the arena, and the platform raised up.

IDOL

From where I was sitting, it was difficult to see the individual members when they were on the main stage, but that didn't stop me from screaming my head off when Namjoon appeared on the big screen, looked dead into the camera, and said “You can call me artist, you can call me idol!” At this point, I was so overcome with shock that I don't think I actually waved my ARMY bomb for the first thirty seconds of the song. I just stood there attempting to collect my jaw from the floor because holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck it was them. I remember screaming when Yoongi did his little kick and they did that iconic challenge move. It was so freaking surreal, and sounded so identical to the recorded track that I forgot I was listening to them live. Jimin made my heart stop during Idol; the amount of power and precision in his movements was stunning, and it continued to awe me as the night went on. As each of the members came on the screens, it became real that this was them, and they were actually in front of me, and I kept counting to seven because I could not believe that this was actually them. Idol is enrapturing to see live, and I realized that although you can watch their choreographies online and during interviews and shows, you can never truly understand the feeling until you see one live. It takes your breath away, it really does- especially during high intensity songs like the first three they played. Idol was over faster than it had began, and they took the in between time to introduce themselves properly.

Introductions - between Idol and Save Me

When Idol finished, the camera panned among all of the members (who I was glad to see were sipping water as they were talking to us), and we got a look at all seven together for the first time. Namjoon looked into the camera first and beamed. It switched to Taehyung next, who was looking from section to section and grinning his signature boxy smile. He introduced the group with “Hey guys!” and we all pretty much lost our minds. After Tae introduced himself, Yoongi was next and while casually adjusting his earpieces one by one, coyly cupped his hand around his ear and egged us on to scream louder for him. The entire arena erupted for Seokjin, who blew us a kiss (and we hollered even louder). Jungkook scratched his head and flashed a bunny smile with a wave and a “nice to meet you guys!” When Jimin came onscreen, the audience exploded, and his stage persona faded to this shy smile and a wave. And of course, we couldn't forget about Hoseok, who we fawned over with “I’m your hope, you’re my hope, I’m j...!”, letting the audience scream “HOPE!” Seeing all of the boys during their introductions, as small figures on a massive stage yet with their faces filling two giant screens, was freaking incredible. Them! The seven boys we love and adore, introducing themselves to tens of thousands of fans. Their genuine reactions to our cheers made it all the better.

Save Me/I’m Fine

Okay, so I'm not going to lie, Save Me and I’m Fine I have a very personal connection to. Not only was it the song that got me into BTS, but Save Me was the anthem that summed me up best when I found Bangtan- I was falling apart at the seams; the person I relied on for validation and self-confidence was drifting away from me, and I was losing touch of both of us in the mess. Save Me was my anthem at the time- I needed that person’s hand before I fell, except that hand never came, and I fell hard. When I found out LY: Answer would feature a DnB (drum and bass) track, I was beside myself with excitement (DnB is my favorite genre of EDM), and then when I found out that that same track would be the sequel to Save Me… I was in Europe at the time Answer came out, and I'm Fine was the first song I listened to from the album. I was trying desperately to stream it off of international data while we were driving from Germany to Austria, and when the drop came, I actually burst into tears.

These songs are my story, how I turned Save Me into I’m Fine, and it's because of these seven boys that I was rebuilt and actually focused on myself for once like I deserved to. I thought of so many other people that I forgot what it was like to know myself, and I realized that I can't rely on them one hundred percent. At the end of the day, I only have myself. With all of this in mind, when I saw Jimin walk up the stage while singing the opening line of Save Me, I burst into tears. I actually don't remember the performance- thank god I recorded it- because my vision was completely blurry and filled with tears. The fanchant to Save Me was awesome to hear, as well as us singing the lyrics even louder than they were. Seokjin and Taehyung were so powerful during the live version of Save Me, especially when it was them alone on the stage singing. The entire arena yelled “hey, hope world!” during I’m Fine. Yoongi’s rap cleared my skin, raised my chemistry grades, did my laundry and ran me over with a semi. Holy fucking shit, the entire rap line decimated us all in the first ten minutes, and we hadn’t even gotten to Outro: Tear yet. Save Me/I’m Fine were the most emotional songs of the night for me by far.

ARMY Time

Skip this section if you’d like to be surprised by the song they perform during ARMY time, which came about fifteen minutes into the show.

When we arrived at the venue, each seat had a black banner with a flower design on it hung over the armrest. Hangul was written above and below “magic shop”, and according to the back of the banner, the whole phrase translated to “ARMYS are the flowers that grew in your magic shop”. Needless to say, the boys performed Magic Shop, and to hear tens of thousands of people singing “I’ll show you!” so sweetly back to them was really something else. There was no choreography, just them walking around the stage singing to us, and it felt truly intimate, just us and them in our own little world, created by the people in the same room, united by the same love. They are my magic shop, and we are theirs too. Taehyung and Seokjin again stood out here and showcased their vocal talent- the entire vocal line as a whole touched me deeply. When the cameras panned to show an endless row of signs in the audience, it brought it all together, and I felt connected not only to the boys but to every person around me. It was a moving performance, and certainly a magical moment, with the audience and their signs illuminated by the lights of the ARMY bombs and spotlights.

-VCR 1-

Trivia: Just Dance

All of the trivias blew me away, and each in their own special way. Just Dance was the most energizing performance of the night; it was by far the most impressive live solo dance I have ever seen. Hoseok owns the stage; he was born to be up there, and he stole my heart throughout the entire show, but he did the most during his Trivia. He makes it all look so easy; he interacts with the audience with this natural smile on his face that radiates joy. Our ARMY bombs lit up rainbow and the stage glowed purple, which was a gorgeous backdrop since he was wearing all white. I will never hear the first drop of Just Dance the same way again after the insane choreography that Hobi performed. He was flawless and fluid and natural being up there in front of us, dropping into a one legged split and popping back up like it was nothing. He is beyond charismatic and a literal ray of fucking sunshine, especially when he’s dancing and rapping at the same time. Both make him so happy, and that is written all over his face when he performs.

Around halfway through the song, backup dancers ran up onto the stage seemingly from out of nowhere (they ran up stairs in the pit) and Hoseok actually leapt over them while rapping. Even though he’s a single person in the middle of tens of thousands, your eyes naturally gravitated to him- he explodes with energy and passion and power like no other member of the group. He brings his own talent to the stage and awes us, whether it’s rapping or dancing or singing or even just hyping up the crowd. He really does make Just Dance look easy, even when he’s dropping down practically into a split thirty feet in the air on a raised platform.

Long story short, I love Jung Hoseok. Period.

Euphoria

Jungkook awed me during Euphoria most particularly with his vocals. He, much like Hoseok, was born to perform; between his voice and stage presence and impeccably smooth dancing, the best word to sum it all up is fluid. Euphoria is Jungkook’s song; it felt like he was speaking to us when we collectively sang “You are the cause of my euphoria/when I'm with you I'm in utopia”. I loved the lights (with ARMY bombs glowing bright blue!) and backup dancers in plain black. They were little details that didn’t detract from the whole, but rather drew your attention to the main stage and how utterly talented Jungkook is. Euphoria really is his song.

I Need U

The version of I Need U they played at the concert was a rock version that I actually enjoyed more in a live setting than the original song. Yoongi pointed his mic towards the audience for his intro rap part and let us cover it- with some mixed results (we sorta slurred some parts, but we tried)- but he nodded along with us as we sang. He was proud of us. Rather than doing the choreography, the boys stood on stage and listened to the arena sing. The smiles on their faces said it all. We screamed for Jin when he sang his verses, and you could see the visible change in his demeanor when he heard us. Namjoon and Taehyung faced my section for the final chorus, and Yoongi’s little shouts of “I NEED YOU” made I Need U one of my favorite memories from the night by far.

Run

Run was an absolute blast; I honestly can’t tell you who was more hyped, the audience or the boys. When the first drop came, they doused the fans at the barrier with whole bottles of water, which was really fun to see from up above. I don’t listen to Run on the daily, but last night’s performance changed that. It was energetic and explosive, and the whole arena was electrified.

-VCR 2-

Serendipity

Holy shit.

Just holy fucking shit.

Park Jimin.

Serendipity was another of my favorite performances from the night. I chose not to watch the choreography before I saw it live, and that combined with Jimin’s stage presence solidified Serendipity as my favorite intro. It’s such a beautiful, passionately sung song, and as much as Euphoria fits Jungkook, Serendipity fits Jimin. Onstage, Jimin oozes unadulterated charisma and pure sex appeal. You’re almost forced to watch; he is one hundred percent breathtaking, even if he’s simply walking up the stage. Serendipity live is the perfect mix of sweet and sensual, tender and heartfelt lyrics paired with elegant and sultry dance moves. Speaking of sultry dance moves, I was not expecting him to pull up his shirt for a few seconds, and neither was anybody else judging by the screams that elicited from the audience. He grinned for the quickest of moments after hearing us holler for him, and one of my favorite moments of the night actually happened at the end of the song. Jimin faced the camera and sang “Let me love…”, but a smile broke over his face- a real, genuine smile- and he said in the softest, shyest voice, “...love... you.” The screen went black and the arena erupted in cheers. Even in the last fifteen seconds of his performance, you could see Jimin fighting back the urge to smile, and that really made it so special.

Comparing the Jimin from the WINGS tour to the Jimin that we saw last night is like comparing two different people. Watching Burn The Stage, it was clear that he was struggling at the time, both with self love and perfectionism. Last night was like watching a bird freed from his cage. Jimin was comfortable in his own skin. He was happy. He’s learned how to love himself, and seeing the crowd’s reaction to his performance was enough for him to know he’d done well. That final smile and those nearly-whispered words- “love… you…”- said everything he hadn’t.

I love you, Jimin. I’m so proud of you.

Trivia: Love

I made it a point to scream for Namjoon during his solo song, and he got the loudest shouts of the night for any trivia during this performance. Namjoon’s stage presence is something that can only be described when you’re standing there watching him rap, engaging tens of thousands of people who are chanting the lyrics with him as he sings. You could see his pride and confidence build as the song (and concert as a whole!) went on. Love was absolutely engaging and riveting; Joon is a natural up on stage in his element, he was born to rap like this. Seeing Namjoon’s progression from Burn The Stage to last night was sort of like witnessing Jimin’s growth; he found his confidence with Love and made us all his bitch in the process. I fell even more in love with Joon during Love and fell in love with the vibes he gave off- poised, intelligent, intellectual, engaging. Oh, and did I mention he flipped his jacket off and gave us a shoulder tease?

DNA

The boys performed the choreography of DNA on the diamond stage, and although it was difficult for me to see for the most part, I could focus on the general mood of the audience a little more. We were all into it; it was definitely one of the most action-packed dances of the night since they performed it out in the middle of GA. DNA is definitely a crowd pleaser; we devotedly screamed for all of the boys, especially the second verse that’s pure rap line. It was so awesome to see something so iconic be performed right in front of our eyes.

Boyz with Fun/Attack on Bangtan/Fire/Baepsae/Dope

This mashup was explosive onstage and I think this was one of the most fiery performances of the night. Not only was hearing Jungkook rap live so cool, but seeing them go back to their hip-hop roots- and the roots of one of my favorite albums, Young Forever- was a great nod to their earlier music. The transition between Attack on Bangtan and Fire punted me into a level of Dante’s Inferno, and I was subsequently resurrected by the goddamn ferocity of Namseok’s hip thrusts during Baepsae. The rap line brought the fucking house down during Baepsae, and I think sexiest dance of the night would go to Namseok- Namjoon, for his handless, aggressive hip thrusting, and Hoseok for the thrusting he did while in a squat-crouch low to the ground. Dope was also incredible to see live; our ARMY bombs flashed red and the audience was electrified the most during Dope and Baepsae live. I’m not a big fan of Fire or Dope, but they’re back on my daily playlist after last night.

Airplane Part 2

This song was- oh my god.

Nicole and I are two of the biggest Airplane Part 2 stans you will ever meet, and last night’s performance of it destroyed our biases like nothing else.

The crowd screamed so loud when the chair appeared onstage. I’m pretty sure I actually went temporarily deaf at this point, because there was a ringing in my ears that definitely hadn’t been there earlier.

The boys were absolutely beaming throughout the whole thing. The first verse and bridge where Jimin, Jungkook, Taehyung, Namjoon, and Seokjin are passing the mic back and forth, they were grinning from ear to ear when the transitions happened. Just as Jimin passed the mic to Taehyung, he raised his eyebrows and gave us a little grin. Taehyung was smiling like the goddamn sun during his lines, and we screamed Namjoon’s rap along with him. Jimin is so goddamn powerful, and Jungkook’s little smirk when he sang the second half of the chorus was adorable. Jin even winked at the camera once or twice. You could tell they were having fun and legitimately enjoying themselves.

Jungkook’s high notes in Airplane Part 2 made the song, as did Sope’s verses. It was the most captivating performance of Airplane Part 2 I have ever seen. You can watch performance after performance online, but nothing, nothing tops seeing that song live.

-VCR 3-

Singularity

“I DIED DURING THUS SONG DIDOS OH MY GOD MY MANS WENT FOR IT WITH THEM MASKS OOOOOOOOOOOOOOF” - @starlightaetae

Nicole sums it up as best as possible. Singularity was one of the most riveting performances of the night. Personally, I don’t listen to Singularity very often, but Taehyung’s performance last night made me fall in love with it. His voice was like silk; Singularity is his baby and it made us his bitch. I loved how the mannequin was brought out and the masks (just like in the video!) had such an awesome effect on the whole thing, especially when Tae put one on himself. He gave this cocky little smirk to the camera before putting it on, and I’m pretty sure Nicole hasn’t been the same since. (“No, I haven’t been the same since!” - @starlightaetae)

I actually preferred the live version of Singularity to the recording simply because of the vibes this version gave off. I didn’t like the music video; for me it was too overwhelming, and a little too strange for my liking, but the live performance was completely enthralling. Taehyung commanding the stage during his intro was different to his previous appearances; you could tell that he was in his element here, and that was so freaking cool to see. I love how between Stigma and Singularity, Taehyung has found his sound, and he’s completely relaxed (and undeniably sexy) when he takes the stage alone.

Fake Love

From where I was sitting, I was able to see the boys line up before the main lights came on, and I pretty much lost my shit. Fake Love is one of my favorite songs, and it’s yet another song that you can see performance after performance of online, but there is nothing as captivating as the live performance. It’s also one of my favorite choreographies and I think the most emotion-filled out of all of their choreos.

Last night, the boys performed the Rocking Vibe mix of Fake Love, which was super cool to see live! I really liked how all of their larger hit songs were played as a rock mix version with drums and guitars, and Fake Love was my favorite rock remix. The crowd was beyond hyped for this song. I get chills whenever I rewatch the recording and listen to the fanchant; I’m pretty sure we sang and rapped almost every line. The crowd screamed when Hoseok and Jungkook did their mirror move and when the other six did their sort of marionette dance around Jimin. Seokjin got so much screen time and love from the audience! The loudest yells of the night were caused by Jungkook’s dual ab teases, and he gave this little cocky smirk after each one. The camera actually zoomed in on his second ab tease, thereby decimating tens of thousands of people in the blink of an eye. After the second ab tease, the camera cut to Jimin, and you could see him smirking too at our screams. Seokjin really went hard dance-wise during Fake Love; I’m so proud of him for how far he’s come with his dancing ability! He was incredible last night, and Fake Love all around was an insane performance- definitely one of the best of the night.

-VCR 4-

Trivia: Seesaw

Min Yoongi.

Min.

Fucking.

Yoongi.

Trivia: Seesaw has shamelessly been my favorite trivia off of LY: Answer since the album came out. I have such an emotional connection to this song; I can relate to it in so many different ways and seeing it live almost reduced me to tears. Yoongi is completely breathtaking when he’s alone. He makes the smallest movements look effortless; he commands that you look at and listen to him, and the entire crowd sang the chorus of Seesaw with him. I loved the backup dancers and the choreography, the constant references to that balance and imbalance. He slid down a bench in the middle of the stage and then ran up it in the middle of the second verse! He was so engaging and you could tell he was loving the attention from the crowd. During the last chorus, he pointed the mic at us and let us sing. You could see the smile on his face grow as he heard us, and he looked out as he sang, trying to make eye contact with every section.

I’m so in love with both this song and Min Yoongi. Nicole can attest to the fact that I’ve spent the last day in complete awe that he was right in front of me. I see so much of myself in him; to see his gummy smile beam from right there at us was the best damn thing I could have ever asked for.

Love you, Yoongs. You have no idea how much you mean to me.

Epiphany

Nothing I produce from my mere mortal fingers on a keyboard can accurately describe the impact of hearing Seokjin perform Epiphany. It was the most emotional performance of the night second only to The Truth Untold, which was performed literally directly after Epiphany.

When we realized Epiphany was next, we began chanting Jin’s name. I will never forget the sound of tens of thousands chanting “KIM SEOKJIN! KIM SEOKJIN!” and cheering when that single spotlight shone on him sitting at the piano. We did that for no other member, and I was so proud and happy to see the love and support that we showed Jin last night. You could hear the audience quietly singing along, and the sheer amount of power in everyone raising their voices to sing “I’m the one I should love in this world” as one driving force is something I will never forget. There were two moments when Jin looked directly into the camera, and it felt like time stopped. What felt like minutes at the show, as I’m rewatching the videos, was only seconds… It’s so hard to believe. The screams and cheers for him echoed throughout the whole arena… We yelled like that for no one else. It made me so, so joyful.

Although it didn’t show much in his face at first, his body language and the immense amount of effort he put into his performance said it all. Jin went hard. I’ve never seen him go that hard, ever. He put so much passion into his singing and he made it clear how he feels… Epiphany was one of the most moving performances of the entire show. I’ll never forget him nor the sheer beauty of it all.

Towards the end of Epiphany, Jin walked up on the main stage and turned his back to us, his profile completely illuminated by white light. We chanted his name again and when he hit those high notes, we fucking hollered. Kim Seokjin deserved every single bit of the cheers we gave him last night, ten times over.

Thank you, Jin. I love you.

The Truth Untold

As the final notes of Epiphany finished, the rest of the vocal line joined Seokjin on the raised platform to sing The Truth Untold. It was at this point in the show that I almost started crying for the fourth time, and I’m pretty sure the boys may have been crying too. You could see them looking out at us, taking it all in, listening to our screams that died into us singing along with them. Each of the four screens onstage showed a different member, and watching all four of them react at the same time made my eyes well up. I have chills every time I hear “but I still want you…” as we sang it along with them.

Seokjin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook are so, so fucking talented. They work so hard and they made last night’s performance of The Truth Untold something truly special. I will never hear the song the same way again, with thousands of voices singing the same line:

“...but I still want you…”

Outro: Tear

I had fucking whiplash from how fast these boys turned from soft, sentimental, and heartfelt vocals to hard-ass aggressive rap with a bite. Outro: Tear was wild. To sum it up according to Nicole, “It was the littest moment of my life.”

The entire stage and all of our ARMY bombs were lit neon green, plus fire shot up from the main stage during the chorus. I’m not gonna lie when I say Yoongi’s live verse of Tear was one of the hottest things I’ve ever witnessed, especially him singing/chanting those lower parts. Everyone was so hyped for the rap line; there was never a better day to be a rap line hoe. We screamed along with them as they belted out the chorus, especially the lower parts I mentioned before. Hoseok went hard; hell every member did. Namjoon in those shades wrecked my bias like none other.

You can listen to Outro: Tear and hear the power and emotion the rap line sinks into this song, but nothing will ever compare to seeing them take the stage and perform it. They’re in their element when they’re performing Tear; it was unlike any other performance during the night. It was raw, unbridled energy and release.

It was a good day to be a rap line hoe, y’all.

Mic Drop

Mic Drop. Mic Drop.

Mic Drop. That is all.

This song was my favorite group performance of the entire show. It was their last before the intermission, and I wish I’d recorded it because holy shit this performance blew the music video version out of the fucking water.

They performed the original Mic Drop with about a thirty second dance break towards the end, and I'll have you know that said dance break left me in a smoldering pile of ash because seeing seven guys at the forefront of a huge group of backup dancers all body rolling as one whole was hot as hell.

What was awesome was seeing how the crowd reacted to Mic Drop, and I think it was definitely the loudest performance of the night. We fed off of each other’s energy; the crowd was electrified and so were the boys. Our ARMY bombs lit up bright red and it was really a sight to see all around. I’ve never felt more in tune with an audience and a song; to hear everyone around me screaming the backing vocals and doing Seokjin’s little arm wave when he’s in the front during the choreography with tens of thousands of people was something else. It was the most explosive way to end the first part of the show, and certainly the most impressive.

I didn’t listen to Mic Drop regularly for most of this year, but I did when I first started listening to BTS, and I fell in love with Steve Aoki’s remix all over again when it came out on LY: Answer. Between that and their live performance, I’ll have Mic Drop on repeat for god knows how many years now.

Intermission

So What

I didn’t listen to So What actually until the Love Yourself World Tour started and I saw a video of Jungkook doing the chute dance down the middle of the stage. I was having really bad anxiety at the time, and that video was the only thing to make me laugh that night. Ever since I’ve seen the various clips of him doing the dance, it’s made me think of the song completely differently, and last night was no exception.

It was so much fun to see every member completely bopping to So What. The boys were all running around the stage hyping us up, and that first drop was completely unforgettable. White confetti exploded from the stage and rained down on the crowd. It was so much fun, and you could tell that they were also enjoying themselves to no end. It was us and them and singing and dancing simply for the love of music and being together… It was one of my favorite moments from the night, especially seeing Jungkook go insane. I love his headass so much.

Jin, Jimin, and Jungkook did the chute dance right down from the main stage to the diamond, and I have never loved any of them more than I did in that moment. To see Namjoon rapping behind them (looking mildly disappointed) and Jin/Jimin/Jungkook laughing and having the time of their lives was one thing I’ll never forget. Plus, Taehyung and Seokjin flirting with each other and the camera was so damn adorable. So What has such a larger meaning for me now that I’ve seen it live; it has concert vibes written all over it and I'll always remember hearing Jimin and Jungkook’s higher vocals cut through near the end of the song. So What holds so much excitement for me now, and I really hope they do it at every concert in the future, because it was truly unforgettable.

Anpanman

The live performance of Anpanman was fucking incredible.

I actually am not a huge fan of the song; I don’t like the opening line and as a result I’ve never been able to enjoy listening to the full thing. However, the live version changed my mind. The boys practically exploded with excitement when it came on, and the crowd got so hyped. I loved the cartoons that displayed on the screens during the performance, and how excited Yoongi and Hoseok got rapping this song. I loved how the audience screamed along with “super car like Batman!”and “ballin’, ballin’, still Bangtan!”. Jimin in particular looked so happy singing this song. Also, I may or may not have yelled “YOU ARE” when Yoongi rapped “I can be your hero!”

Taehyung and Jungkook hugging while singing “waiting for you Anpanman” was so fucking cute. There are so many good memories and vibes associated with Anpanman now; this is another song that has a whole different meaning for me after seeing it live, and I’ll always remember how happy it made them- and us.

Answer: Love Myself and Goodbyes

Before they sang Answer: Love Myself, the boys said their goodbyes, and their ending speeches were so touching. They had a translator on hand when the boys switched to Korean, and Jin in particular said he never wanted to get rid of the feeling he had at that moment, it was just so good. Jungkook talked about how we are his energy and no matter how many shows they do, we always make him so happy. I realized during the ending speeches just how much love BTS has for us. They love us more than anything, they really do. You see it in their eyes when they look out at the crowd, trying to make eye contact with as many people as possible to take it all in. I looked at Jimin and Namjoon, who faced my section as they were saying their goodbyes, and it was unreal to see two men I hold in the highest esteem possible looking back up at me. We are so privileged to have each other, and they deserve all of the love in the world.

I will never, ever forget hearing an arena of thousands sing “You show me I have reasons I should love myself” collectively as one. You could see it written all over the boys’ faces just how much they were affected. Most importantly, last night I saw an emotion that I didn’t see much in their previous world tour clips (before LY), but was prominent in every performance of the show.

Happiness.

These boys are happy. So, so happy. They’re learning to love themselves, and they’re proud of us for doing the same.

They didn’t want to get off stage last night, lingering as long as possible to say goodbye. Taehyung and Jungkook were the most reluctant to go, Taehyung being the last one off stage, and Jungkook taking one last look into the camera, winking, and dumping his entire bottle of Fuji water all over his head before dashing into the wings.

After the show ended and the lights came back on, I sat on the upper level with my head in my hands just staring at the stage. An ARMY below me took one look as she was leaving and said “Just so you know, you’re my entire mood right now.”

I replied, “What am I going to do with my life?”

She shrugged and said “Wait until their next world tour.”

I have on video that as Jungkook was saying his goodbyes, he said he’d see us back here next year.

Hey, Jeon?

I’m holding you to that.

[groupie-inspired]

The Killers @ Panorama 2018

This is long but there’s no cut because I’m mostly on mobile, sorry.

I actually really love this The Killers and they produce some pretty rad stuff. It makes me sad that they’re not in the mainstream anymore after gifting us such bops as “Mr. Brightside” and “Somebody Told Me” in the early 2000s. I wouldn’t say they’re my favorite FAVORITE you know? But I still really like them and the concert at Panorama was awesome. I have an interesting (and painful) story that goes along with this. I don’t know if this counts as a groupie story or not but we’re just gonna say it counts for me.

My older friend and I essentially went to this festival just to see the Killers. We showed up like 30 minutes after the place opened, which was partially accidental. We wanted to get there early but not that early — we stalled as much as we could and still ended up there waiting around and sitting on the grass. On this day, I made the mistake of wearing new sneakers. Bad. Fucking. Move. I was in soooo much pain... but just wait until later (the universe said before cackling maniacally).

Fast forward through a lot of waiting. We set up shop on the hill by the main stage. The Killers were going to come on at 9. I think it was at about 4:00 when we went down the hill to the area in front of the stage. We sat there and waited for the next set. David Byrne came on and we laughed in confusion but also delight (?) as he did his weird, theatrical performance. The songs were good and it brought me temporary joy in this fleeting life. We eventually had to stand up due to the press of people. This was the beginning of the end.

After he was done, there was half an hour before the XX performed. There was still around two and a half hours before the Killers’ set began (Each performance ran about an hour and a half). We wanted to secure our spots up front well before 9:00PM. We assumed we could sit down, but as soon as we got up there it became clear that there would be no sitting for two reasons: 1) the ground was covered in thick mud, and 2) hordes of people were beginning to press in. Maybe I’m just naïve, but for some reason I didn’t expect that much aggression because of the type of bands the XX and the Killers are— it’s not like either of them is super hardcore. Once it happened though, it made sense and I was like, “God I’m so fucking stupid.”

My friend really enjoyed the XX; they weren’t really my cup of tea but I didn’t think they were bad. They were nice. Once the XX finished, there was an hour before the Killers came on. At this point even MORE people were piling in. Reminder that at this point we had already been standing for about three hours straight in the same position. Remember the shoes? Yeah. I made the smart choice beforehand of having a Bai drink, you know to get electrolytes, because as soon as I realized what was going to go down I knew I needed to be physically, emotionally, and mentally prepared. I had to pee now, but this was the least of my concerns.

About thirty minutes to the start, this group of three girls starts pushing like nobody’s business. It’s as if a battering ram was plowing through the crowd. This pushed my friend and I up to the third row of people as opposed to the fifth row of people to the front, a slight bonus considering what was currently happening. They stood next to us and I was peeved but I wasn’t going to say anything. Someone else said something to them and then I was like, “HA!” But internally. They responded by saying that one of them has severe claustrophobia, and that there’s “no reason to be rude”. The woman was like, “Yeah, okay, just check yourself.” One of them apologized to me, maybe because they saw me texting on my phone about them to my mom. I said it was okay. It was dark now. The heat was thick between young adult bodies as we were forcibly pressed into eachother’s personal space. Air was limited, and I was out of water. Two girls in the crowd dropped, accompanied first by shouts of “A girl just fell!” Then, something akin to “Another one just went down!” People cheered at random intervals.

Finally, out of this chaos, the Killers came onstage. This part is hard to describe— the concert in itself was amazing. They played all my favorite songs. The girls next to me were shrieking and jumping. I was headbanging too, but only not as much. You know, because of the shoes. It was excitement, it was exhilaration, and it was also unfortunate, self- inflicted pain. At one point Brandon Flowers had a boy come up and play the drums for a whole song. He was really good and it was super cool to see. The entire set I was feebly fanning myself with my single day GA ticket.

When the set ended, the adrenaline was gone. My friend and I had been standing for five hours straight. I was confident I was going to lose at least one of my toes from this endeavor, but thankfully I didn’t. Now we both had another challenge to face: the ferry home. How the FUCK were we going to get on a ferry with the huge amounts of people now piling towards the landing?! We had a moment of understanding, and she took my hand and helped us power through at the highest speed possible when drained in every capacity. By this time I was delirious and irritable, but through our efforts we made it on the second ferry. To be able to sit felt like a distant, possibly hallucinated memory. Yet there were seats, in all their common splendor! Hallelujah!

We exited the ferry out onto the city streets past midnight. It was an issue navigating where my dad was going to pick us up. I had a crying breakdown against some construction boards. It only lasted for thirty seconds. We got in the car once it came to us. We drove to McDonald’s, and I had a smoothie. My mom asked me if I had been drinking, I was offended and said “NO!!!” Don’t you know what exhaustion looks like, woman?! I went to my bedroom and passed out hard. My friend stayed the night on the pull-out coach in my basement. She woke me up early the next morning before she left.

It was a harrowing experience, but I did it for love! And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sometimes things are about the journey and the destination. Now I get to tell this heartwarming (?), melodramatic story of perseverance! It was worth it and I would (probably will) do it again in an instant. I don’t learn from my mistakes, but what is life without them though?

(I thought the last gif was aesthetic)

[transmissionsfromthebattlefield]

Late Valentines

Just as I’ve gotten used to live concerts being resurrected in the past year or so, I’ve gotten used to them being called off, with the still relevant Miss Rona being the most common culprit. It’s become a surprise for a show I have tickets for to get cancelled for a reason that isn’t her persistent, lingering death dance. From Ticketmaster royally screwing over DEVO’s Radio City Music Hall date last year (which I’ll be making up for in May) to a band Melt-Banana was to play with postponing the whole tour due to visa problems, I guess I’ve just gotten used to shows getting cancelled in general. Most absurdly of all was definitely the reason why I had to wait until Tuesday to see indie rock outfit Snail Mail; the group’s tour was supposed to begin months ago, and we had tickets (at the behest of my dad). It was called off not because of a COVID case or travel visa problem but because lead singer Lindsey Jordan got polyps on her throat that kept her from singing, because life is just like that.

Luckily, her voice has healed and the band is back on the road. Tuesday’s show at Union Transfer was the first date of the tour, and the attendees of its upcoming dates surely have something to look forward to.

It was actually my first time in the City of Brotherly Love, good old Philadelphia, which greeted us with a law firm’s billboard that had the word “jawn” on it to declare that, yes, this is Philadelphia. To keep from straying too far from the venue, we sat down at the neighboring La Chinesca restaurant, which serves an eclectic fusion of Chinese and Mexican food. The eats were delicious and extremely fun. Who else would’ve thought to dip fried wonton chips in cilantro dip? Even better was that, inside and out, the place looks like you’ve stepped into a Californian mid-mod time warp to a future where radioactive space mushroom structures support stucco buildings and people eat in bubble structures bulging up from fake grass. I would’ve stayed much longer if I didn’t have a show to see.

Walking into Union Transfer afterwards, it felt strange being in such a large venue after many shows in cramped little clubs. But I got comfortable quickly. What we saw of opening band Joy Again were okay, with the highlight being a boxed cake being crowdsurfed over to a friend of the band who was having a birthday. But Snail Mail’s set was the real sweet treat everyone was waiting for, with the stage decked out in ivy-wrapped cupid statues. You wouldn’t have realized Lindsey Jordan’s previous sickness had she not mentioned it between songs (“I feel like I’m a eunuch, I’m like, EEEEEEEE”). Her voice—and a very unique one at that—sounded in top shape throughout the night. The rest of the band followed suit instrumentally, with each song coming out tight and precise with an appropriate amount of love for the good old nineties (they covered “Tonight, Tonight” during the second half of their set, and apparently their stage set up is In Utero inspired). From far back in the crowd, the light show was simply fantastic, with color palette changes between each song and occasional psychedelic effects that really made me smile. The band definitely had an atmosphere in mind, and they communicated it perfectly. I may not listen to them too often, but it was great to see.

The show’s encore began with Lindsey alone with her guitar, singing a solemn and beautiful song bathed in light. Suddenly, I heard a commotion behind me. I turned around to see, in complete contrast, a flailing woman being pulled off of someone else by at least two other people. We learned later that somebody got punched. I’m not quite sure what could have stirred that considering the mood of the performance, but I guess Philadelphia is Philadelphia for a reason. Luckily, I was safely socially distanced. It was worrying in the moment, yet hilarious afterwards. A catfight at a show where most of the songs being played were about longing for love. Life is like that.

[seeyouwednesdayrecords]

Anxiety Tripping at the Gates of the Merriweather Post Pavilion

A Guide to Going to Shows Alone

Leila Escandar

The conversation tends to follow this format:

Person A: “Who'd you go with?”

Me: “Uh, it was just me.”

Person A: “So, you went by yourself?”

Me: *Mentally* “That’s exactly what I just said.”  

Me: *Aloud* “Well, I booked my ticket when I saw they'd be here. When I found someone who'd want to go, too, it was already sold out. So, yeah, I went by myself.”

Maybe if I was having this conversation a few years ago, I would have been Person A. I’d react in mild surprise that someone would go to an event that involves a lot of waiting around in some form of a crowd- be it a door line, bar line, bathroom line, or general admission crowd-without company. Wouldn’t that be lonely or-even worse(!)- boring? Wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable standing around while groups of friends or couples chatted mindlessly around you in between sets? Wouldn’t you be aware that people might notice you standing there alone for so long you must not have come with anyone else?

                                                 ~~~

It was a deceivingly spring day circa mid-April in New York. I debated bringing a jacket for almost half an hour before leaving my apartment. I was going to a show at a venue that just opened in Greenpoint. If you don't know where that is, it's the a little east of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. An extension of the hip, but where trains don't go. Living in Florida for over a decade gave me the deviced notion that not everywhere offers coat check. Upon walking out of the door of my building, I knew skipping on a light spring jacket was a grave mistake, but I went with it & continued on my way to the train.

I got there late, hoping to not wait through the first band, but the line indicated it was the actual time of the doors opening (regardless of the advertised time on the ticket sale). I felt a combination of frustration that I'd have to watch the opener & contentedness that this new venue was already off schedule while I waited for the ID checkpoint, with the confusing April breeze under the sunshine trying to throw off my body temperature.

There was a massive line at the entrance bar I dreaded waiting in en route to the ladies room, noting the irony of passing coat check before entering the restroom. On my way out, I contemplated the line for the bar before forfeiting and pulling the door open to the performance area. There was already a large crowd in the general admission section, but the opener hadn't even started sound check.

I made my way to the line-lacking bar (ha-those suckers needing a drink upon entry), yards beyond the stage, and ordered my first of two overpriced craft beers before working my way stage right through the crowd, finding myself in notable visibility. I was surrounded by people well beyond my age (doubled even), a father & underage son, a mass of drunken couples, & one other solo flyer to show who I’d later find out was lost from his friend due to a dead phone, and would eventually let me score front row access due to my lack of height. When we talked after the encore, he asked if I came alone, and when I answered yes, his response was something along the lines of being impressed.

That’s the word he used: impressive. I’m forced to question that diction. Impressive is a word used to describe something that takes more of a skill level or a relentless amount of hard work, like being able to type 120 wpm or graduating from law school while working full time. Not something as easy as drinking a couple of beers and seeing a band you love.

                                                   ~~~

There is a subtle stigma about doing things, though, that are perceived as a social activity by yourself, that perhaps only exists as a projection onto others because of our own egos. As if humans weren’t already inherently vulnerable to the need of seeking approval for centuries upon millenniums, the invention of social media has only amplified that need to a crippling extent. Realistically, I can’t comment on if it was more of a social norm to attend a concert alone thirty years ago, but I can comment on the reactions I get now whenever I go see a band I like solo (see above).

My first experience of going to a concert alone was Cinco de Mayo 2015. We do Secret Santa in my family for the past 6 or so years, yet it never remains confidential. That year, one of my sisters had gotten me, and I told her all I wanted was a ticket to the Neutral Milk Hotel show in Orlando. It was allegedly  their last tour as a band (I say allegedly because to this day, July 1st, 2017, they have yet to perform together again, but you know how final tours go). I luckily got the ticket, expecting she'd buy herself one too. For whatever reason, she hadn't. No worry, Amanda would just go with me, but she waited just long enough to buy her ticket that it was already sold out by the time she took the initiative.

I remember the day of and my mom telling me to skip the two hour drive to Orlando, it wasn't worth it. Naturally I didn't take her advice, and shortly after was on 1-4, blaring “In An Aeroplane Over The Sea” in anticipation of my soon to be role of Jeff Mangum Fangirl Extraordinaire.

They did a Broadway-esque performance, i.e. no photography beyond authorized press or you’re getting kicked it out. It’s a unique protocol to enforce, and makes for an experience nothing short of spectacular.  It was an amazing night where nobody was attached to their phones. There was no video evidence we had attended. We were all living in the present and experiencing the music. It felt somewhat isolated without familiar company, but I made show friends. Leaving the venue with chills, I couldn’t imagine having missed that for the fear of going by myself.  

A few months later, I was living in Brooklyn, and if you didn’t already know, there is one major benefit of living in the city for any music lover: no musician skips it, despite the length of their tour. The uninhibited need to go see bands I love even though I had no friends here that had my music taste started slowly. First it was The Dig. I’d bought a ticket for myself, and on my way there, found a who friend decided to tag along with me.

Planning on going alone to that show, though, sparked a new level of comfort in going to see whoever I wanted to, because I wanted to. First it was Andrew Bird at Terminal 5, & shortly thereafter Peter, Bjorn,& John at Baby’s All Right. Then Conor Oberst for my (6th?) time. Then Beirut at Celebrate Brooklyn, & I already had a Ticketmaster gift card through work that'd cover the ticket.

It started feeling normal. A good friend’s brother’s band,The Fritz, at Arlene’s Grocery in September. A friend suggested Explosions in the Sky, & of course I was going, even if they hadn't asked. The Good Life announced their first tour in years. Conor Oberst released Ruminations and would be playing at Carnegie Hall a month later. Tickets were pricey, but I was going. The pattern is clearly becoming visible. It wasn’t as though I was forming the habit of going to see live music, but breaking the bad habit of believing I needed someone to go with me if I wanted to go.  It went from feeling normal to just being natural, and once something starts feeling familiar, you have a much better understanding of why.

Let’s  break down the three (most likely) reasons people attends concerts:

They want to  hang out with their friends under the influence of one/multiple substances and have an excuse to be loud/listen to loud music.

They want the bragging right’s of seeing a particular band, even though they only song they know by that band. (For instance, in 2015 a friend and I overheard a girl at a Modest Mouse concert in Florida saying she “drove all the way from North Carolina to see Modest Mice. I really hope they play ‘Floating Away’”). Alternatively, they are trying to see as many bands as possibly (again, mostly for bragging rights). This second tier of bragging rights is mostly those fest-people, you know, the hoopers, the fire-spinners, the burners, the wookies. The people who brag about seeing Kendrick and Alabama Shakes, but only saw 10 minutes of each of their sets at Bonnaroo.

They want to experience their favorite music live. They want a genuine experience that brings them closer to the music that has gotten them through the best and worst time of their lives.

If you are like me, you go to concerts for reason number 3 (although sometimes 1 & 2 can be fun, supporting perks of reason number 3). If you are going for reason number 3, the first few shows you go to alone do make you experience that unspoken judgement of attending them by yourself. The reason you keep going to shows alone is because of how you feel afterward.

I recently read an article that may have been pop psychology, but speculated that people who go see live music are overall happier than those who don’t. We are all just trudging through our days wondering what the meaning of it all is, searching for happiness, so why not take action toward doing things that  foster some form of joy. Even if that means going to shows alone...

[melodeemarsh]

aaaaaaand she’s finally lost it.

i. am. ready. to. go. outside.

whooooooooooooooo.

3 days til my REBIRTH INTO THE WORLD.

Li Zi Qi just put out new videos on blue-dyed calico ❤

If you don’t know who she is yet, please watch all her videos!!! They are straight out of a fairytale and at the same time just such a wonderful, slow, beautiful understanding of life. She makes almost everything from scratch—salted duck eggs, lipstick from roses, silk dresses, wool cloaks.

Her channel is honestly what I aspire towards. I want to make videos and blogs that slow down, offer a space to breathe, create wonder and beauty.

Life moves on and it never falls into a complete standstill. The world is having a meltdown right now, but here, Li Zi Qi is quietly making blue-dye calico clothes.

The media tends to intensify the anxiety and fear, and it always urgent and demands attention. So it feels as if everything and everyone is in a sort of a mental frenzy, a sort of panic. But that isn’t true. In some places, life is going on at a slow, sweet, unhurried pace. In fact, perhaps, people who are under lock-down or quarantine or stay-at-home notices are living a slower, sweeter life, too.

I hope so.

I’m sure there are many also struggling with living at home, and trying to homeschool the kids. And people who cannot afford to stay at home and must go out for work, risking their health.

Of course, we all risk our health every day. More people die from car crashes than airplane crashes—and now both are cut at a drastic rate, so perhaps we are also saving people from vehicle crash deaths. Just like how pollution has decreased because of the lockdown in China, which has also saved lives (more lives than from the disease) from pollution long term.

But yet again, it is the people who cannot afford it who are hit the hardest. Malaysia shut its borders a few days ago, and many Malaysians cross over to Singapore to work every day. So a lot of them crossed over with sparse belongings and nowhere to sleep for the next two weeks (could be shorter or longer, but as of now, two weeks). I’m just glad to see how the community here is mobilising. The Jurong East sports hall was opened up for stranded workers to stay. Druggists and Mikkellar Bar are pulling together a donation drive of essentials to ensure they have all the necessities they need.

On the other end of things, Jimmy Fallon now has an At Home edition of his show and I love it—and I never even watched a single full episode of his stuff before. He features a guest and a different charity every episode. So far, he has featured feedingamerica.org, savethechildren.org/savewithstories, which are pulling together resources to support the kids in the States who rely on school for food. Then, there is a donation drive for artists and performers who are affected.

  There is a keen balance of hope and sober reality that needs to be held in these times. We cannot underplay the suffering that people are going through—mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, socially—and yet we cannot be solemn and despairing. Try and understand and see clearly what the situation is, but yet hold on ruthlessly to hope and to humour, to joy and laughter and bright days.

Keep loving and living. Look out for one another, see how we can help our friends and neighbours. This lady posted a wonderful post about supporting the more vulnerable small businesses/gig workers who are directly impacted by the situation right now. Taken directly from her post:

Profiles of those who are also getting hit terribly:

– Those who work in SMEs facing the trickle down effect (those who earn under 100m or employ <200 workers but contribute to 48% of SG’s GDP, employ 65% of SG’s workforce and constitute 99% of all SG’s enterprises.)

– Those who freelance and do gigs (freelance creatives, musicians, actors, food delivery, etc)

– Those whose work depends on having medium to large sized groups of people show up (events managers and organisers, conference organisers and support, trainers, teachers, F&B, film crews, small renovation/contractor firms, party planners, arts-based companies etc)

– Those who run events that are too easily and unfortunately deemed “non-essential” (social enterprise CSR events, creative work like theatre, film music, celebrations etc)

– Those who work in hospitality, F&B, tourism, aviation, trade

There are some ways you can help:

1. Ask them how their work has been hit by the Covid crisis. If they’re doing badly, ask them if you can financially support them somehow. Find ways to commission work from them or ask around on their behalf. Pay them fairly and generously for their work. Bonus: You never know if the thing you’re commissioning from them can also be the financial and psychological invitation they need to explore a pivot in their business.

2. If you’re one of the luckier ones who are actually not worried now and are sniffing for cheap, plummeting stocks to invest in so you can get even richer, consider investing in people around you who exhibit great potential. I’m not talking about pity investments. I mean thoughtful intentional investments that support Singapore’s economic and societal well-being. Consider using some of your significant loose change to be a mini venture capitalist or mini impact investor.

3. Tip the gig economy people you come across – like your food delivery person, your taxi driver, your part-time waiters and food servers. Be more generous than normal. Tipping has never been our culture but the option has been built into the apps’ system if we choose to use it. There are many around us who are forced to choose between taking medical rest and keeping up their hourly paid work. Tip them so they know if they are sick especially with flu like symptoms, they have some kind of financial relief and psychological permission from someone to stay home and rest.

4. If you bought tickets to a local theatre performance/concert/workshop that got cancelled, if it is possible for you and you have more than enough, don’t harass them for refunds especially if you know they are a smaller player without deep pockets.

5. If you are a big corporate/govt agency that has to cancel your events and workshops (especially those CSR events run by smaller social enterprises), pay them something – anything. In exceptional times, explore how to make an exception to the usual contractual rules. Write in a new goodwill clause if you want. Pay them a goodwill amount – your generosity could mean some employees get paid. This is especially for social enterprises which hire the elderly or people with special needs. If possible don’t cancel but postpone the event and still pay upfront as a gesture of solidarity.

6. If your friends are running F&Bs, go dine-in (at an appropriate distance). Or order takeaway/catering from them.

7. If you run some kind of community group or religious group especially, find a way to gently and kindly ask if there is anyone going through hard times in their business who needs some help. You’ll be surprised how many real needs are there in front of you even amongst those who look comfortably middle class. People may stay quiet and stoic because the global situation seems so dire out there and they feel their own hyper-local needs seem smaller in comparison.

❤

On a more light hearted note… Someone made lo-fi beats with PM Lee speaking in the background…

this has become a very, very long post.

I would like to end with a quote from Avery’s own quarantine diaries (she is on day 6) because I think she puts what I am trying to say in this blogpost perfectly:

“Finally, I came across a really beautiful metaphor in Jeremiah 17 today. It’s worth typing out here.

Thus says the LORD:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD.

He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come.

He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.

Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.

He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when the heat comes, for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit…

Oh LORD, [you are] the fountain of living water.” – Jeremiah 17:5-8, 13

I love the imagery of a tree planted by water that never fears in drought or heat. I’m doing all right for now, but for many people, right now is a time of personal and financial drought. And yet God says our leaves can remain green. We will still bear fruit. Because the very source of our life is God, the fountain of living water. Last year I began to learn about joy in all circumstances, joy despite drought. I know I’ll keep learning more.”

Joy in all circumstances. Peace beyond understanding. Love beyond all reason.

That is where I turn to, in times of trouble.

There is a part of me that feels a little nervous or fearful, writing and speaking about my faith, but I truly believe that Jesus died for me and saved me, and that God’s love sustains me, and that God turns all evil into good.

Truly.

Keep on burning bright, you little light.

xx

Melody

the quarantine diary – day 12 aaaaaaand she's finally lost it. i. am. ready. to. go. outside. whooooooooooooooo. 3 days til my REBIRTH INTO THE WORLD.

[uterusclub]

As any Native Chicagoean can attest, the winter never fails to destroy our souls – at least temporarily so. But as that weary tail-end concludes, one gradually regains hope, energy, and enthusiasm. These are the trappings of no more woe. 

Our first expedition involved a visit to the Otherworld Theatre Company to see a choose-your-own adventure style production of ‘Quest for Thrones.’ We were beckoned to make several decisions for the Game of Thrones characters which mostly involved death or killing and to no surprise of mine, our crowd was an outwardly, murdery bunch. So we got along just great. The only downside to the show was the mold-induced smell of the lobby area where I quite literally gawked around the room to see if anyone else was just as disturbed as I. They did not appear as such which daunts me even more. Following the very short but delightful show, we made our way home but the night just didn’t feel complete. So we made a stop-off. Well, 2, actually. Sharon had demanded a hot dog the entire day so we stopped at my beloved Susie’s and then headed a few blocks down to my treasured karaoke joint, Sidekicks! It had been quite some time since my last sing so it was well-overdue. Upon arrival, we noted several people already singing which took me by surprise. While Sharon hit the bano, I was met by my long-time waitress friend who’s name I can’t completely remember – Christine – Christina? Christy? Something like that. I’m horrible. In any case, she offered me a mis-remembered test-tube shot (Sex on the Beach) to which I declined (my favorite is the Buttery Nipple) and ordered us a few drinks. I immediately trolled through the song book to figure out my agenda which, let’s be honest, is usually the same couple songs. Due to low attendance, I was announced very quickly. The night continued much the same aside from several interruptions from ‘the mutants at table 9’ who attempted to Facebook us (we DID give them Uterus Club as our contact but perhaps they considered this a joke as nothing ever came of it). We had met our end all be all of interactions with these folks when one of them dedicated a song to me. It was at this point, we slipped out, past the bouncer and I quite literally ran to my car even though Sharon had my keys and fumbled around for horror-movie record time. Surely, we would have been killed. Regardless, wonderful, hilarious night.

Onward. Sharon has been madly obsessed with a man by the name of Max Frost whom she played a few songs of a little while back. She missed a previous concert of his as my schedule wouldn’t allow it but recently discovered he was once again, back in Chicago! Naturally, she grabbed tickets and demanded (or rather, asked super nicely) we go. The last time we had been to Subterranean in Wicker Park was for Allison Weiss which was a blast! I recalled our hanging out on the upstairs area and peering down at the entire performance. Max Frost was equally rewarding in this sense. Unfortunately, getting awesome seats around the threshold of the upstairs area meant getting there early and listening to the opener – a girl we had already pre-researched and were not impressed with. Ironically, she ended up sounding way better live. Further irony kicked in when we discovered there was an ADDITIONAL opener who no one knew! THIS guy? Oh man. This was your stereotypical, dirty hipster trying-to-be-real with the ‘people’ who attempted to be deep and introspective while sitting on stage without shoes on. Absolutely horrendous! It should come as no surprise that we were a tad bit ecstatic when Max Frost FINALLY showed up on stage. Yes, we were ecstatic for approximately five songs and then all fizzled out into exhaustion. Capping the night and our very classy ride home via the most wonderful CTA, we listened to a homeless man reflect on his rejection of a plus-sized lady whom he compared to several, large animals. Always an adventure.

But wait. There’s more. ‘March madness’ couldn’t possibly be complete without a little festive shout-out to the Irish. And we went all out people. Having said that, I believe I’m some ridiculously low percentage Irish but I’ve also BEEN to Ireland so I think I get a free pass on that one. In any case, Sharon suggested we hit up the downtown dying of the river in the morning since neither of us had actually seen it live. Sure, the videos are fun but it couldn’t possibly be the same. So bright and early, we headed downtown to park and walk over to one of them many bridges to catch a peek. I had no goddamn idea shit was going to be that cray! Seriously, it was college town USA and like, early. The only good part of the situation is that everyone was very merry but not obnoxiously so (yet). The bad part of the situation is that the color saturation hadn’t exactly made itself evident enough from our viewpoint and therefore, we saw a little bit of green far off in the distance. Major fail. Our follow-up idea was to hit up Public House for their themed

cake shakes, however, we later realized it was already privatized for some wrist-band drinking event all morning and not open to the public! So we hit up the ‘poor man’s’ Public House ie. JoJo’s Milk Bar. The place was small and unimpressive to say the least. Sharon ordered us a ‘shake’ which was sad. We took a few obligatory sips before headed out. Next stop? Milwaukee! That’s right!

There’s absolutely no musical I love more than Phantom of the Opera. I legit have this shit memorized. On our way up to Milwaukee, I googled us a place to stop and eat nearby before the show. The Internet gods brought us to Ale Aslyum Riverhouse. It’s difficult to explain the complete awe of driving from a crazed downtown Chicago to a completely abandoned downtown Milwaukee. Streets were desolute! We had apparently come to the right place. Upon grabbing a quick lunch and Sharon randomly bumping into an ex-client of hers, we made our way to the Marcus Performing Arts Center. As usual, I had completely forgot what sort of seats I had purchased us but apparently I did well since we ended up in the back row on the end of the aisle. The performance was most enjoyable – although some of the singing was a bit inconsistent and I think we both spent a questionable amount of time wondering what the race of the Phantom was. We stayed long enough to hear by favorite trio part before seamlessly ducking out and venturing over to one last stop before home: Mars Cheese Castle. To say this place is anything other than completely overwhelming would be a lie. We came away with a few bags of curds and not much more due to ambivalence. Next time I’ll do some research.

St. Patrick’s Day! The OFFICIAL! Our festivities for the day mainly included eating and drinking. Oh yes, we also threw in a little Boondock Saints as well and some Pandora Irish playlist to accompany our cooking. Menu included Guinesse drumsticks, spinach puff-pastry shamrocks, mashed cauliflower and corned-beef eggrolls. Don’t forget, topping off our day-drinking of Magners Hard Cider which was doused with a few drops of green food coloring! We completed the meal with alcohol cupcakes purchased the night before at the previously mentioned Mars Cheese Castle. And that’s a wrap!

So guess what? We loved Milwaukee SO much that we decided to visit it AGAIN! But THIS time, we really meant business. First stop? Plato’s Closet. It’s tradition after all. Next stop? A little Milwaukee Burger Company. Ginormous, Deep-fried cheese curd cubes, anyone? Stomach – my apologies but worth it. Where to now? Our most beloved Lost Valley Cider Co. where we met an Irish wolf dog who was HUGE and wonderful! We also got our hands on a peanut butter and jelly cider as well as a Hibiscus cider we enjoyed so much we ordered some to go!

Catching a nice buzz now, we made our way to Swing Park where a bunch of hoodlums roamed and I tried to do fancy moves for photographic integrity. Sharon captured what appears to be a child abduction in progress which is absolutely priceless. Our journey now took us to the Villa Terrace Decorative Arts Museum which, not gonna lie, I didn’t know anything about and frankly, still don’t. But it was pretty and had a cheap Groupon and had a fantastic view! Finalizing our self-guided tour here, we finally headed to our haunted (that’s right), Bed and Breakst: Brumder Mansion.

We were met by innkeeper, Tom who was an absolute joy! Unfortunately, he didn’t give us much intel to go on as far as ghosts were concerned – only to say there were 13 and none sounded menacing (how very disappointing). He also mentioned there being some children that tend to fidget with items left out if you ask them to which Sharon left out a ridiculous amount of things. I’ll save you the suspense – nothing was moved. In any case, we hung out for a little while before heading out for our dinner reservation at the Pasta Tree. This has always been a favorite of mine, however, both service and food was mediocre at best for some reason. We followed up dinner with drinks at a nearby Irish bar by the name of Paddy’s Pub which ended up being one of my favorite parts of our trip! Decor was beautiful and sweet and the employees were homey and gracious.

The pinnacle of this trip was our finalized stop-off at the Oriental Theater to see a viewing of the Room with actor/director/writer, Tommy Wiseau present! The line for this event was literally down the street and around the corner! It took me a second to realize that Tommy was signing autographs and taking pictures BEFORE the actual showing so we jumped ship from our spots in line to meet the man himself who was kind and sweet (and apparently dug my tattoos). After re-joining our original line, we eventually made our way back into the theater and  headed up to the balcony for anti-social viewing. Oh! And I mustn’t forget the spoons. While we had been in line outside, someone was passing out handfuls of plastic spoons which we didn’t take out of confusion – only to research and later discover it was a ‘thing’ that went along with the movie. Our bad. Next time! Show was scheduled to start at 9:30pm. Show started at, I’m going to say 10:45pm after all the delay and opening shenanigans. We were tired as all hell. And made it just about 15 minutes into the movie before calling it a night. Unfortunately, leaving out of the theater, Sharon predicted Tommy might be hanging out in the lobby and of course, lo and behold, there he blew! Goddamnit! So we attempted to casually saunter out only to be met with a very saddened, ‘Where you going? Home?” It actually broke my heart. Poor Tommy. Heading back to the B&B, we both eventually passed out and roused for our adorable breakfast. Parting fairly quickly after our meal, we had a final, triumphant stop off at the Potawatomi Hotel and Casino and endeavored in a little morning Bingo. Again, I’ll save you the suspense – we didn’t win. And I’m sure I demanded vengeance per usual.

Wrapping up the wonderful month of March was our visit to the United Center to see Mumford and Sons! I had purchased tickets for Sharon for her birthday back in February. She had been talking about wanting to see them for as long as I can remember. It was only after I had purchased said tickets that she vocalized her hatred of their latest album. Fortunately, they didn’t play much of it. As a precursor to the show, we stopped

off at Viaggio for some Italian dinner. Twas splendid! We then took a buzzed walk over to the show and awed over the comfort and view of our seats! No one in front of us and at the end of the aisle! Cat Power was the opener who I am familiar with but don’t know much about. I described her as ‘more depressing than Aimee Mann’ which Sharon could barely wrap her head around. Crowd became super anxious as a result but as soon as

Mumford showed up, the energy was electric! I’ve never been the hugest fan of theirs but I will say they put on a damn, fine show! Again, left after a handful of songs but know, I would have stayed til the end. And as we left, drenched in the cold rain whoring our make-up, I knew that this and everything else had all been worth the wait.

Oh Hi, March As any Native Chicagoean can attest, the winter never fails to destroy our souls - at least temporarily so.