#the cant shut up disease GOT ME

[ughgoaway]

I'm gonna tryyyy and get one more smutty blurb done tonight and then do the other few tomorrow!!! thank you all so much for the requests, I adore every one of you endlessly <333

edit; I lied. the sleepiness has got to me yall. MORE BLURBS TOMORROWWWW

[1roentgen]

.

[traumagenica]

people claim to understand that progress isn't linear and recovery can take a long time until it becomes personally inconvenient to them and then you're just a stupid lazy bastard to them no matter how you behaved before you became outwardly sick or how hard you've been trying to get better. and i will be mad about that forever

[riordanness]

— say don’t go - [tmr!newt]

wordcount: 0.9K

warnings: uh- you have the flare

requested: no

We’d been running for… how long? It felt like forever. Days and days of scorching heat, oppressive sunlight, harsh winds. My throat feels dry all the time, my eyes ache, and my legs are rubber.

At least I have Newt. No one could ask for a better friend. He’s always there for me, right beside me no matter what. He gives me the water even though I know he must be just as thirsty as I am.

He makes sure he’s the one carrying the pack we’re supposed to be sharing; he’s always taking my turns.

How can I tell him I know I’m not immune? That the cranks scratched me back in that old warehouse a few days ago? The weight of knowing my days are dissolving in front of my eyes is so heavy I can barely breathe. What should I do? What does anyone do, knowing you’re about to die?

I know I have to tell him soon. I can’t keep putting it off — it’s killing me in more ways than one.

Minho calls for a stop hours after nightfall. I have lost complete track of time; too lazy to keep track with my wristwatch. My head is fuzzy enough as it is.

Newt glances at me, and gives me a weak smile. I try to return it, but I can’t. I collapse to the ground, my knees giving way after one too many hours of walking.

Newt is at my side in an instant. “Are you alright?”

I try to nod my head. “Just… tired. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He holds out our shared water bottle. There’s barely a gulp left in the bottom.

I shake my head. “You take it. I had it last.”

“No.” Newt is serious. “You need it more than I do. Besides…” He hesitates, but doesn’t continue. I’m too scared to ask what he means.

I eventually give it and take the water, the few semi-cold drops helping immensely. I feel my body shutting down, my eyes trying to close.

Newt shifts over to sit beside me. “Go to sleep, love.”

I don’t even try to stay awake. I lean against him and am instantly in darkness.

The next thing I know, I’m startled awake. I don’t know why, as it’s still pretty dark, the air is still cool, and none of the boys have stirred. I wonder briefly if a sound in the night woke me, but I see and hear nothing.

It’s probably just the growing anxiety and disease taking over my brain. I inch away from Newt, desperate not to wake him. He’s been doing so much for me, for everyone. I owe him my life ten times over, and I don’t want to disturb maybe the last peaceful sleep he may get.

I get to my feet, and my eyes stray to Newt’s sleeping face. I have a ridiculous urge to touch his cheek. He looks so soft and pretty and perfect, just laying there.

I force myself to turn around. I walk a minute, until I stumble across a little boulder and sit down, my chin in my hands. This illness inside of me is eating me up. I can feel myself fading away, everything that makes me me slowly dissolve into nothing.

I don’t know how long I sit there, despairing.

Eventually, someone approaches. I can tell by the slightly uneven footsteps who it is even before they speak.

“Hey, Newt.” I have no emotion in my voice, struggling to keep it even.

“Y/n,” he replies, gently sitting beside me. “What’s up, love?”

I shrug. “Nothin’.”

Even though it’s too dark to tell properly, I know he’s got his you-are-such-a-bad-liar face on. “Y/n.”

I sigh. “Okay. Fine. I—“ But the words die in my throat. I can’t seem to find the right way to tell the boy I love more than anything that I’m about to, well, die.

“You have the bloody Flare.” The anger in Newt’s voice takes me by surprise more than the fact that he knows.

“What—“

He slams his hand into the rock we’re sitting on, cutting me off. “It’s not fair!” He hisses. “We have to fix this, we have to—I cant, lose you—“

His voice cracks, and I hear him inhale sharply, like he’s trying not to cry.

That makes me break down. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I sob. “I just—I didn’t want… I don’t know. I just don’t want this.”

“Nobody shuckin’ wants the Flare, Y/n.” Newt’s voice is gruff, but almost teasing, a little reminder of what we used to be together. Joking, teasing best friends.

That makes me break down completely, and I cry heartbrokenly into my hands. I feel Newt wrap his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I cry into him, clinging to his shirt like it’s my life.

“Newt,” I manage. “I’m going to die.”

“No you’re not.” His tone is firm. “I’m not gonna lose you. I—I love you, ya dumb shank.”

“What…?” My tears come to a hiccuping stop, and I lift my head to look at him. “You…”

He lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “Yeah. Sorry. Bad timing?”

I shake my head, a smile on my face despite it all. “I love you too, idiot.”

“Oh,” Newt laughs. “Oh, okay. Good.”

I lean towards him, pressing a kiss to his mouth. “Just hold me, please? Help me forget for a while.”

And Newt does exactly that.

[crow-ur-beloved]

various jrwi headcanons because the worms in my brain (potential autism) wont shut up. no real plot spoilers except for one, but its marked :]

the suckening:

shilo is like vampire immunocompromised, which added to the pile of reasons his mom used to keep him inside the castle because she didnt want him to immediately get 37 different diseases and Die. (if vampires can have allergies then id like to think they can also get sick. i dont actually know if thats possible in the vtm system but i dont care they can in my heart)

genderfuck/genderpunk afab emizel. i feel like thats the only label he'd use, if he had to have one. i dont think hed label his sexuality because he wants to be an enigma. but he Definitely likes men.

bizley said in the qna something that can Only let me think of shilo as aromantic. maybe aro And ace... i dont remember what he said exactly aughhgh i wish i did...

shilo fidgets with his hands like all the time. his mother and uncle tried to get him to stop and sit still because it wasnt very princely and whatnot but my boy needs a fidget toy. i think hed go craaaazy with an infinity cube

i feel like me saying arthur bennett is a bisexual doesnt even count as a headcanon like i think thats just a given. i feel like itd be more surprising if i said i thought he was straight. all beautiful beautiful vampire men have to be lgbtq. its the law actually

arthur never officially broke up with mary. mans just Left one day without warning. probably left a note that said "sorry. -arthur" on it. i doubt he had it in him to say goodbye to her face or his reasoning for it (he thought hed inevitably hurt her because of what he is and what he did to the people he loved in the past, because bad luck seems to follow him everywhere... oughh he makes me ill). he definitely used finding a new lead on anya somewhere else in the country as a good reason to dip. at least, as good a reason as it couldve been for him.

maybe controversial but i 100% think arthur and magnus had a one-night stand at the beginning of their relationship, before magnus met jerome, and they never talked about it again and pretend it never happened. cannot explain how real this is to me.

riptide:

ftm chip who 100% innately knew he was a dude since the moment he could think. like when the black rose pirates picked him up, he got confused when they started referring to him as a girl at first. probably never got The Talk from them, so was Very confused when he hit puberty. Reuben reluctantly helped him steal to pay for top surgery.

since tritons live at the bottom of the ocean, they would have eyes that are far more sensitive to light to allow them to see better since little light gets all the way down there. gillion was Immediately blinded by the sun when he surfaced and still gets headaches from how bright it is in the oversea, but they've gotten better the longer he's been up there. tritons are built to adapt to all kinds of conditions, so his eyes have slowly been getting a darker bluish-purple the longer he spends above the ocean; they were originally more of a light blue-grey.

in tandem with the last one, chip thinks hes either going crazy or a bad friend because he Swears gill's eyecolor is different than last week but how could that be possible, thats not just something he can do, right? why would he be able to do that???

if gillion gets knocked onto his back without warning he does that thing that sharks do where they get paralyzed for a bit when they get flipped upside down. its scary because he can see everything but cant do anything. he also definitely forgot to tell chip and jay about this fact and scared the Shit out of them the first time it happened around them.

gillion can also change his sex like some fish can. its the reason he can lay eggs. i think this makes it safe to say genderfluid/nonbinary/generally trans gillion tidestrider is highly possible and even probable in this headcanon. what im saying is t4t fish n chips.

not to headcanon all my favs as trans but i cant help it. it is the highest honor i can bestow upon them. anyways. mtf jay ferin. ava always knew and was the first person jay came out to. jay was also 100% named jayson after her father and went by jay most of her life anyway as a nickname and just decided to stick with it instead of picking anything else. may was always very openly-supportive of her. jayson was as supportive as a generally strict, overbearing, unsupportive-in-everything father can be. jay totally came out to him and the first thing he said to her was something like, "as long as it doesnt interfere with your navy training," and may promptly kicked him under the table and made him say something nice.

kiras trans too btw. she came out before jay and helped jay discover she was trans. and that she liked women.

(spoilers for 109 and beyond) chip can't entirely remember what he looks like. everytime he focuses on the illusion of hiding that hes practically just a skeleton now, it changes just a bit. freckles in the wrong places, the wrong shade of orange for his flame tattoos, too much light in his eyes, too much muscle on his arms. jay notices it but cant bring herself to say anything. she knows the illusion is meant to keep everyone from worrying, but, everytime she sees something off about it, she just remembers what he really looks like underneath, and that somehow feels worse.

blood in the bayou:

all these bitches gay as hell. kian is pan. rands got a lot of internalized homophobia. rolan probably too. its the 80s, man.

apotheosis (haven't finished it yet so idk how true these'll be lol):

agender rumi. godbless.

also rumis a theater kid. he got the lead in every musical he auditioned for because he could literally just shapeshift. theyd make up a new identity and appearance for every role and get to know everyone on the cast and then mysteriously drop off the face of the planet as that person when the production was over and nobody would know it was them.

peter has actually tried All Kinds of things. weed. yoga. multilevel marketing schemes. you name it, big chance hes done it at least once and didnt like it. he doesnt know how he ends up in the situations to try it, either.

[biblicallyaccurateangeloncrack]

Genshin and hsr characters as pinned messages (out of context) from discord servers with my friends: a shitpost

(uhhh cw some nsfw jokes and cuss words)

wriothesley: "i do not want an alpha transformation happening rn "

march to danheng: "my coquette lungs are better than your emo lungs"

hu tao: *ghostly voice* "oooooogly boogly why'd you skadoodly me?"

xiao, learning how to spell: "i lvove elmo music"

childe: "he is in my feet"

klee: "yeah my grandma's actually kim kardashian"

bronya to cocolia when she got sick as a kid: "Mother please carry me outside before to see the sky one last time before the consumption takes hold of my body and soul"

hu tao: " "weenis", said eerily"

bennett: "THE SANDWHICH TOOK ME OUT"

blade: "that link is longer than my plans for the future"

serval: "i pledge allegiance to the american bra"

itto: "i am in heat growls the summer has come and i am in heat growls"

zhongli: "*old man voice* when i was your age i fought kids"

stelle/caelus: "when i was my age i eated drywall"

fu xuan: "JING YUAN ILL SNIPPERS YOU UP IF YOU DONT STOP WITH THIS GOOBEROUS SHIT"

diluc, about venti: "i like to prentend he was a fever dream i came with at 4am"

fréminet, trying to speak french: "they said Lyney tu dumbass"

sampo: "I think Luka would beat up Luka while Luka watches. and then Luka would join in and beat the living daylight out of Luka"

silver wolf, about blade: "ppl with lactose intolerance boutta have their 2nd period ongomg"

kayea and rosaria: "we're a match made in the deep dark depths of the abyssal caves in fuck knows where"

jingliu: "am i.........one of those queers........."

yanquing: "shout-out to my home dawg Charles aka history teacher for dropping this wisdom on me"

shinobu: "itto if you say anything penis related you are banned"

ayaka as a kid: ""please take me to the garden so that way i can see the shining sun for the last time before my frail body decomposes with the disease known as ligma""

lyney: "imagine Neuvillette seeing a bunch of orphans blow up infront of him"

yoimiya: "are you really friends if you dont have matching vagina bracelets ??"

wriothesley: "My name is actually marlinus maximilianus Merlin guys"

caelus/stelle: " *bites your toes playfully* "

Pompom: "i eat gender for dinner"

xiao: "is life without endless pain and suffering only for it all to end leaving nothing but emptiness and all your suffering being just for the entertainment of the entity that we call god. an entity who is the real reason as to why we humans end up hurting others, for pain and suffereing is nothing but an endless spiral no matter how hard you try."

kafka, messing with blade: "do you like the gay foot"

yanfei: "YOU CANT LET IT GO LET IT GO YOUR WAY OUT OF A RESTRAINING ORDER"

kokomi: "DEMENTED DOLPHIN"

Furina: "they oui oui'd me"

shenhe: "the cld never bothered me anywa......."

kiara: "agressive meow"

ganyu: "are you a tree cause i wanna eat you"

dainsleif: "while youre kissing you bf or whatever ill be watching in the walls"

venti: "I FART ON PLANES"

scaramouche: "childe I will shave you bald"

itto: "perry plaptypussy"

seele, in response to hook's drawing: "10/10 Einstein could never"

razor, to bennett: "I WILL LICK YOU TO SLEEP"

sucrose, about to collect more bones: "*deranged loud breathing*"

kequing, to half of liyue: "SHUT UP COLOR WHEEL"

cyno: "genderfluid people's favorite song is liquid smooth"

kequing: "the feminine urge to beat up your coworkers with a stick"

dehya: "i piss on biphobes" kaveh: "but what if they have a piss kink..."

albedo: "he looks like a failed science project"

baizhu: "blowjob? nah, blownose"

silver wolf: "story time, honkai star rail made me leave my brother at a gas station and i do not regret SHIT"

blade: "if i end this year without killing myself its a miracle"

columbina: "btw dead bodies take less space if you bury them like theyre standing up"

zhongli: " *cracks back and walks away leaving a trail of dust behind"

@muachiro @geetkk @veimwah @etherific @zohakutenstan

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

[roachemoji]

Stranger Things - Season 3 thread 03 01

LETS GO GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay okay okay starting off strong 1984 i see you i see you all these bald men are so sweaty and shiny and exhausted looking.

OH THE VFX BUDGET WENT UP BABBBEYYY OH LOOK AT THAT SHIT THATS COOL AS FUCK

So El isnt the one who opened the gate OG?? Really sick that they needed that much power to do it only forit to backfire and some little girl could do it with ease - OUFH SORRY TO THE BITCHES WHO JUST GOT EXPLODED

i understand why the bald men are sweaty and exhausted looking

SO WHY DO THEY WANT TO GET IN THERE SO BAD!!!!! OH THIS IS THE RUSSIAN PLOT PART YEAHHH

is this like ....... wanting to win the coldwar type shit??? because we're past the space race and into the 80s.... (<- guy who doesnt know much about this specific subject of history tbh)

EL LOOKS SO GOOD - fucking hate seeing them kiss im so sorry it makes me so uncomfortable - FEELING REAL HOPPER THOUGH LIKE ITS ICKY but also damn KING GIVE UR KID SPACE

i fucking LOVE THE shift in colours in this season !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE ITS SO BRIGHT I LOVE IT!!!! AND STEVEEEE!!!!!! AND I FINALLY GET TO MEET ROBIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh this movie is foreshadowing some shit i can feel it. labesq SHIT!!!!!!! AND THEN THE POWER GOING OUT!!!!!!!!!!! this means things my brain is too small to make proper connections

OH SHIT LITTLE ME!!!!!!!

YEAH SEE Lost smoke monster !!!!! somethings thers i just know it

"im not gonna fall in love" "ok"

JOYCE MY BELOVED

booOOOOOBBBBBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DUSTIIINNNNNNNNNN

<- guy whose just REALLY EXCITED TO SEE THEIR FAV LITTLE MAN

GIRLIES WHO ARE WE LOOKING COOL FOR IM -

thought it waas gonna be gay forgot Billy existed

HOPPER IS ACTUALLY A FUCKING INCEL IM CRYING ITS BEEN LIKE 20 MINUTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KING OH MY GOD SHUT UP rooted for you but nah youve really always been like this

A Heart to Heart? What is that? <- man whose never been shown compassion???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS shut up

ngl tho me n hopper shaking hands how to you approach people about things without people helping you write shit out word for word

this entire board roOM REMINDS ME OF THE BEGINNING OF SEASON 2 OF FARGO - but she a woman TYPE SHIT AKSHJD

Nancy is. trying so HARD and girl i am so sorry

HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE WAY HE TALKS ABOUT HER <3333

Steve. i got nothing to add he just. wow

ROBIN I LOVE HER I L OVE THE PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS ON THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its romantic <- jealousy

Its gross <- somehow not jealousy tho sorry

Its bullshit <- jealousy

BRO ARE HE LLO WHAT PIED PIPER SHIT IS HAPPENING???? CRYING AT ALL THE LITTLE CGI GUYS LOOK AT THEM ALL!!!! THEY ALL HAVE LITTLE WHITE FEET THO???? THOSE ARE. exploding. theyre exploding. :(

ENOUGH OF HIM I DONT WANT TO SEE HIM I WANT TO SKIP THROUGH HIS MOMENTS I ACTUALLY HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH IM IN. PAIN. LIKE. OU GH. THE. SECOND HAND EMBARASSMENT IS? PAINFUL I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE HIM I HATE HIM IHATE HIM PHYSICALLY GAGGING

LUCAS AND MAX mAKE me so happy and MAx is still transmasc coded in my heaRTTTTT

DUSTIN BABY IM SO SORRY YOURE HAVING A MY CANADIAN GF MOMENT BUTSHES MORMON AND FROM UTAH

SHOWING MomEnts of Joyce being so happy and gENUINELY IN LOVE WITH BOB JUST HURTS SO MUCH HE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE

oh now we have shit with MAGNETS and the spaceship space race cold war babbeyyyy

DISEASE RATS!!!!!!!

HOPPER ASHING ON HIS FACE KING????? OW?????????????????????

This is so uncomfortable bro my dad did this to me once and it was horrifically misguided on his part and he was making some wild ass assumptions about my relationship with certain people and oUGADHADKAJSHAKSJH this isthe season of second hand embarassment and its PAINFUL

MIKE IS JUST MA KING IT WORSE PLEASE SHUT UP I OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I KEEP PAUSING IT BC I CANT HANDLE THIS

HOPPER H ELLO ????

IM

THIS IS

BRO THIS fucking entire season is gonna be so fucking painfULLLL STOP STOP STOP like the. BROOOOO stop stop stop whose got a link to a breakdown of the family dynamics between everyone and how fucked up everyone is i cant even put thi sinto words im just losing my mind hopethis makes sense

SORRY DUSTIN I !!! GOD. PICKING UP RUSSIAN SHIT INSTEAD OF HIS GF SORRY

i literally cant handle this weird Billy fucking Milfs arc and i cant even begin to stress how much i fucking hate it and him. I have literally no room in my heart for that piece of shit

im SORRY to KaREN WHEELER THOUGH LIKE DAMN GIRL your mariage is in shambles and you really want to be fucked by THIS GUY ?

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDIOT FUCKING GET ATTACKED BY FERAL DISEASED RATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CALLING ALL RATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know he fucking dies but iM GONAN LOSE MY MIND DOES HE GET FUCKIGN KILLED BY STOPP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP THIS IS SO FUC NNY YEAHH HYEAHHH BABEY FUCKING GET HIS ASSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE

[jellyfishvibes]

hi jelly! what's your favourite headcanon about flora?

Oh god i have so many, you will be getting a Flora rant

Ok so love me a classic super nerd Flora, absolute grease monkey that girl, would casually rip off the back of the slate and fix something in there without pausing her sentence, I'd also pin her down as a sewing nerd, not just cause she was the one who made all the champions clothes but cause i think she has like a 3d puzzle brain, and both mechanical problems and clothing construction slot right into that perfectly (i have ideas about all the zelda's being some flavor of fiber art girlys but that's an aside thing)

I also!! love dragon traits!! on Flora!!! which is why i've be hesitating with her redesign cause my brain is struggling to figure out the engineer-draconic design marrying without it getting way too busy

Shes totally got autism, her and Wild got that opposite autism disease, he's strong silent very non verbal and shes a massive chatterbox that cant help herself but explain everything, he's super hands on with everything, can't help himself but touch to figure out what stuff is and shes super squiked out by texture and wears her gloves so she doesn't feel any bad sensations, i imagine she whacked off her hair cause she couldn't stand the feeling of it long but like put up with it because of her father/for the princess image? (also maybe inspired Riju to cut her own hair shorter, i love Riju and Flora being besties) Wild loved braiding her hair as a fidget thing and grew his own out cause he liked hers so much, I think she began to understand why he liked that so much when she cut her own and used her hairstyling knowledge on him, it's way more fun to do it to someone else then to wear those styles all day you know?

If she keeps some form of scales after totk i think she picks at them as a nervous habit (and probably gets multiple slaps on the wrist from Wild to not pull them for research Zelda please-) i also really like the idea of her like, back spike guys? being like fingernails, it that she still has the crystalline spikes back there and so she can still lie down on her back Wild helps her chip them down to like flat crystal discs on her back, they still probably grow and they need to be cut off regularly but she probably has a tonne of the crystal lying around and makes stuff out of it, also the antler horns! (this is not from my love of scott empires rivendell shut up) she keeps the antlers! and they have actual deer antler stuff! like they will just randomly fall off! and they will be super velvety when they regrow! the image of the soft velvet falling away to reveal like glowing holy crystal underneath is a sick af image and also its horrifically gorey looking cause the velvet has alot of blood vessels in it, i dont think its painful? it just looks like a horror movie lmao

I have some stupid ideas around both Wild and Flora having adhd, in the sense that Wild had the inattentive type and Flora the hyperactive type before everything, Wild being a knight spaces out very easily, is terrible with organizing his personal quarters, boredom is a mind killer and find focus on instructions and tasks near impossible, Flora as the princess with the weight of the world on her shoulders struggles with fidgeting and standing still, being impatient and acting out of turn, by 17 she had social rules all but beaten into her and is kind of living in a personally design hell, but after Wild comes out of the Shrine of Resurrection and after Flora wakes up from the 100 years of sealing Ganon and the millennia being a Dragon, they both now have the combined type lmao, being trapped for so long outside of time has made focus for Flora hard and fucked with her attention span, she also now spaces out alot, i think it would also have the exact opposite effect, and she would seek out excitement and desperately avoid boredom and quiet

I also think shes got echolalia! her stims are mainly vocal and she will absently repeat fun phrases she hears, Purah is a terrible person for her to hang out with because of it, she has called Wild 'Linky' without realising multiple times and he doesn't have the heart to tell her About Purah, her and Flora get on like a house on fire and its terrible for everyone around them

I personally love some exploration of botw/totk and the power/wisdom/courage goops, i'd think flora would put alot of research into the blue shiekah energy and canonically she was looking into the malice/gloom, i'd love her looking into the green Zonai energy and the purification chamber that mummydorf was being used as a battery in and the conversion between the 3 goops (i need to stop or i will start ranting about gods and divinity speculation again) all this to bring up the fun images in my head of her using the glowy blue water in like attacks and animations an stuff like Wilds ascend, if you've seen the kda more music video the little glowy finger trails would be cool for her or even like full steam punk mechanical stuff with tubes full of the stuff, considering that the blue stuff stores information and how she uses her own tears as a dragon to store her memories a collaboration with the Zora and Sidon specifically who can control water to make a more robust storage system that cant be destroyed in a calamity style cataclysm would be cool, like Monomon's archives in Hollow Knight if you know of that, you could even crystalize it to be like the Zora history tables?

I really like the idea of Zelda needing like reading glasses? maybe some lingering weirdness from the dragon eyes or she just reads too much, she has a pair of glasses she doesn't wear very often for reading and for looking at small machinery components, maybe some form of prescription goggles made by Purah? I think she probably has needed them for a long time but only actually started using them recently, i think shes a thin wire frame with smaller rectangular ish lenses kinda gal, very perched low on her nose while sitting reading in bed

I'm going to force myself to stop here cause if i don't this will forever sit in my drafts as i think of new things to add to it

[trixeraptops]

My second ever commentary post how fun

This time it's Enola Holmes 2

This is a live reaction so there is no context, suffer.

Warnings for swearing and all capsAnyways let's hop in the carriage and travel back to Victorian(?) England.

Ooh letter burning for the logo fun

Ok I doubt any of this is true don't lie to me bitch

Why is she running away from the police?What did she do

I will say she looks good

Yeah you should explain and I do remember you

Oh yay she opened a detective agency

Awww she kept Dash how cute

But didn't she give it Sherlock in the end of the last movie?

She forgot how sexist and ageist her time period is lmao

Hah they all just want Sherlock221B!!!!!

Trying not to draw attention, blows up a mailbox

Tewksbury is champion for change and progress I love it

Girl you have time for a little distraction you fucking tsundere

Chrysanthe-mum

Oh her agency is already shut down

2who is it

Aw a little girl she's so. Cute I love her scarf

Ooh the cinematic shot

Enola looks so out of place lol

I hope this is pro Bono I don't think this girl has much

Enola don't look so put off, not everyone is rich as you

Ew rat

We weren't sisters in the usual way, love that

It soesnt mean anything to the Lil one but to Mae it clearly does

Aw this is so sweet

The game is afoot Jesus your finding a missing person not hunting one

Changed her name to Hilda

They're looking for disease at the entrance omg

Bruv you're gonna get yourself and bessie in trouble bruv

That was smart tho

Ooh torn pages that's sus

She stole the pages?

Oh that woman has such a soft voice it's so pretty but I can't hear her

Mae definetely knows somethingMae was involves in the theft o.o

Haha 'young lady I'm afraid I'm married'

Damn she's in a bar and it's fucking rowdy in here

Mae is a showgirl isn't she?

She is

That was a fun jaunty number

The missing worked with Mae as a showgirl

Jesus Mae

Lol fake knife

False bottom! I knew she was a top lmao

It's a sappy romance poem

She ran away to marry someone didnt she?Ooh drama

Dun dunbdun mysterious blurred fellow in the background

Ew he's following her

He hid but he's very loud what is cane made of metal?

Sherlock! He's drunk

Lol roasted

His bullshit tips are everything

Now sh I'm thinking you should write that down

You shouldn't get so drunk ehen you have no way home write that down

Wait is she gonna live with her brother or is this is a John reveal?

Jesus christ he's really fucking observant even when drunk and hungover

I don't need tour help! But I'm still taking the food you offered

Don't speak with a mouthful

Tewksbury!!!

Ooh she sits where he walks to work so they can run jnto each other.

She looks so upset after making a joke

That was so awkward lmao

Feel a need?

It's a coded poem! Open mouth

She's so excited

You didn't have to say you don't sew bruv we get it your not like other girls

I doubt this case will get media coverage

The doors open o.o

Suspecious...But not as sus as her for breaking into someone's house

Oh this shows a struggle and abandonment

MAE she's dead!

This case just got alot more interesting

Inspector!

It'd mr.clangy

Sarah is wanted oof

Oh he tried to be respectful but superintendent is a bitch

I hate this guy I'm calling him mr.clangy forever now

Lestrade is so fucking calm, your boss just got punched in the gut

Hah he doesn't remember you bruv

Just a friendly visit cause your sis is running away from the cops

I cant I can't, maybe I can

He's such a fangirl omg

Damn she roof hopping

Shit she almost fell, she gone die

Wait what the fuck

Enola Holmes is turning all the men in England trans lol

I wonder if the cases are related

Wait Moriarty maybe?

I'm a slut for BBC Sherlock so forgive all the speculation that's purely based on BBC Sherlock, I know they aren't related

He has this walk

Grail

Immediate recognition lmao

AH VIOLIN

Enola looks weirded out

You tell Sherlock! She made it bout herself, she wants media attention not to help

Haha callback

He just walks past them lmao

I think Poppy might be a chick but I could be wrong

A hat! Dun dun dunnn

A TAPER CROWN HAT I KNEWBTHEY WERE RELATED

It's not a date it's a place!

Williams for reds not a Poppy at all

I'm going to a ball yay! Ew

Smh Enola

I love her cloak

Her dress is so pretty

Why is the music so sus when they light the cake

Lol the chaperone

She keeps forgetting what her society is like

Bitch you live here how do you forget this shit

He's actually leading Sherlock in a dance lmao

Oh she gone get caught

Tabitha Timothy lol

Fan language!!! Oh thats so clever and cute!

But she doesn't know fan language hahaha she immediately messed up

Omg Tewkesbury

Of course he's doing something with plants

This is so weird and cute i love their little relationship

Haha I love her

You're a man when I say soShe's such a bitch

She's a natural at dancing or maybe just with Tewksbury

What does that mean lmao

Don't touch the ginger cake!

Wait dance cards are an actual thing lmao

ID the writing ON SIGHT

TSUNDERE

jealous bitch

Cicely seems nice, she complimented Enola even if she had an outdated dress

Dislocated and I'll scream, ICON

He knows Bessie!

Ooh a secret meeting how funBunch of random letters returns

ITS MORIARTY OMG OMG

I LOVE THIS

I hope their as gay as the BBC

Oh my lord JUST SAY ITS ABOUT YOUR CASE

Not the police barging in

She gave him her evidence! How sweet

Cecily is the only one who looks concerned for her everyone else is making fun of her

Keep silent Enola!

Shut up mr.clangy no one likes you

Oh no he's gonna kill Bessie isn't he :(

His job is to kill match girls who are needling out the corruption?

Sexist

Oooh mr.clangy stopped Sherlock from getting her

Oof

POLICEMAN IS HIDING HIS HAND

Those fingerprints are blurry at best

Ohmygod I was typing the last line then Sherlock kicked a fucking sign and scared a cat

It's the jujitsu woman!

It's ok you can say it

Ew I don't like how that guard looked at Enola

Wtf whyd they push her into the center?They're gonna hang her? Or beat her? What?

IS IT HER MOM?!

No its jujitsu lady

AND HER MOM

Prison break bitches

Her mom really likes bombs huh

Carriage chase carriage chase

Theure giving people typhus or something

He's gonna jump on isn't heNot anymore lol

Mr.clangy you bitch stop shooting st them

You go girl

Holy shit he just broke their wheel

I hope the horses are all right

Probably are they disappeared with the crash

Fuck off you bitch

I LOVE THEM, I LOVE THEM OMG

HOLY TRINITY INDEED

DAMN HE GOING FOR THE KILL

THE CARRIAGE IS A BOMB

Genius

Aw they changed her into new clothes how nice

Her mother is initiating boy talk

He ain't my Boi

I love that's she's acknowledging her part in Enola self isolating

She's encouraging her to get allies ♡

I love these women

She just winked? Why?

Get a haircut as your parting word lmao

I knew it

They're killing the match girls by giving them typhus through the MATCHES

FUCK YES

And Sarah figured it out

She and Mae were expirementing eith it

Genius

They tested flies, mice, plants

Extraordinary I love them

She went to Tewkesbury!!!

His flat is filled with flowers and plants ♡♡♡♡

I love him

Yay their allies

Jealous bitch

IS CECILY SARAH?!

Shut up you awkward bruv

SHE IS

I FIGURED IT OUT MOTHERFUCKER

To be fair they spelled it out

TEWKESBURY YOUR NOT EVEN COURTING AND YIU DAID ILY

She sent Ily to William too

OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS

SHE HIT HIM

AAAHAHHHHHHH SHE RETUREND FEELINGS OMG OMG OMG

We live we laugh we love

Just tell em your a lord, I am, then they'll believe you omg

Sherlock!

The contempt in their voices I love this sibling dynamic

I knew they were connected I KNEW

Is that guy dead

He is

Mr.clangy

Moriarty is dead :(

Haha Tewkesbury

It's a set up!

Is Moriarty actually alive

He is

Ooh William thankyou for golding onto that

It's a letter isn't it

Nope map

Dora Dora Dora the explora

He can't fight lol

She's just beating him up until he pussies up and fights her

AH THEY KISSED

After she punched him multiple times lol

They're so cute

Secret treasure

SARAH!

She was wearing a wig this whole time damn

Uh oh they have to tell her he's dead

Aww poor Sarah ♡

Ew mr.clangy

BESSIE NO

YOU GO BESSIE BITE HIS ASS

SHERLOCK NO

Tewksbury is getting fucked up

Ooh but he's got a sword now

Fuck off clangy

Did Sherlock just kill someone?

How many bullets has he got? It's a small gun can't be too many

HAHA HE RAN OUT FUCK YOU CLANGY

ENOLA NO

Retractable knife for the win!

Ah shit she got knicked in the head real bad

Yes Tewkesbury fuck him up and get your girl

Shit clangy is dead Enola full ass killed him

Now that murder charge is valid

Sherlock you dramatic bitch

THE SOFT VOIXE WOMEN IS MORIARTY

WHAT A TWIST

I LOVE THIS

Go off queen! Tell him, dick him down verbally

Society creates yet another villain

For now at least, love thatOh no is the bad guy gonna win?

He paper burning is beautiful though

But the movie isn't over yet

Revolution!

Shut up boss man

Sometimes an inspiring speech doesn't work

At least not right away

Yiu go Bessie I love you girl

This is amazing I love this

I think this music was at the end of the other movie too

She runs her agency out of the fighting place now :)

Holmes and Holmes ♡♡♡♡

But I glad she refused

The running write that down gag ♡

They're gonna meet with jne another ♡

Ah they're so cute

MORIARTY ESCAPED O.O

I love them so much

Ohhhh the true part was Match Girl Strike that makes more sense

I thought I heard of match girls before

ENILA GOT HIM A FLATMAYE LMAO

IS THIS JOHN

IT IS OMG OMG OMG

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

♡♡♡♡/5 I loved this movie

[fartquen12]

can i have a zhongli x reader where he makes a tea out of his gf's caca to show his gf he loves her pls and tanks <3333333

Valentines dokie dookie tea ft. john stamos

ALSO HUGE SHOUTOUT TO @itsthemickeymousecrackhouse FOR BEING THE BEST SUPPORTER

TRIGGER WARNINGS: dookie, Fart, Nonconsenstual stealing poop, tea, dookie tea, zhongli being my version of zhongli, y/n, bl00d, cringe, she her prns (y/n), valentines day. (will defenitly offend you if you are a mini ravi/kyle)

*RING RING* "oh fuc- OWWAA" I screeched as I fell out of bed. *RING RING* I slammed my hand down on the alarm to shut it off. "goddamn." I said almost silently. I got up off the floor and made my bed. Thats when I realised it was valentines day! I have a date with zhongli and I look like a poop riden child! I ran to the bathroom and took a cold shower. It was so cold I literally sharted. After that I went to my closet to look for some nice clothes since our date was in 1 hour. I saw this brown and black and white box print dress in my closet. I wore it because I wanted to loook like i havent changed since the easter event. I went to the bathroom and did my makeup. Brown lipgloss. pink and red eyeshadow with a bit of brown and purple to make it look like i have a disease and pink eye (dookie in eye dont be an asspiker). I did some mascara and lots of hot pink blush so i can look dead. highliter on my nose eye corner cheeks eyes and a lil on my buhol.I ran to the front door and put on my ninja turdl socks and my paw patrol shoes. I opened my front door and locked up after i left. I got into my adorbs car. My car is a red car it is 4 ft tall and 3 ft in legnth. It has orange flames on the side and black stripes. I got in and started blasting... "IM A BAD BAD DOG!" and I have a billy fartgrove funkpop in my window aswell as vecnas bumhole printed on my lisence plate. My windows are fully tinted so no one can see me and I have a student driver sticker on the back of my car!

I buckled myself into my booster seat bc even though I am 18 I am 3'4 uWu. I looked at myself in the mirror and winked. I quickly backed out of my driveway. As i drove out of my trailer park I saw eddie munson twerking at me. I thought that was nasty. I worridly drived because my date starts in 15 minutes and it takes 1 hour to drive to the resturant he said to go to. Its called "dilucs tavern" anyways I drove at 200 miles per hour on the free way and i do not know why everyone honks at me. I rolled down my window and said "FUK U". I mean it is the "free" way right? anyway i drove and drove and after about 45 minutes i arrived. I saw the man from tinder crying through the window at an empty table. I quickly got out of my car and locked it. The sound to make sure I locked isssss..... *fart* Perfect. I walked into dilucs tavern and i was greeted by the man. "OH! Y/n so good to see you!" The man said. "Yeah! I'm so sorry I was late I um..... uh. I got stuck in.. traffic yeah." I said hoping he wouldnt realise my fatass actually slept through the 50 alarms i set. He smiled at me and handed me a menu. As I read through the menu I decided on "fart lard and turkey" from the menu. The waiter then asked me what I would like to drink "Hmmm. I will take a finger lickin poopy ass dookie as potatoe ass green dookie fart penis poop salad beer!" I replied. "Good choice!" the waiter said smiling. It was silent for about 3 minutes. Best 3 minutes of my life. "So uh. What do you do for work?" The man across me asked. "oh! uhm. uh.... well i- um i-." i didnt exactly know what to say. "Its okay if you cant tell me." he said looking quite sad. "No! Its fine! I'm a..... well um.... i clean poop out of old peoples butts at scaramouchers nursing home..." I said. I tried to scan his expression for any thoughts of strangeness but the man didnt say anything. He smiled. "I wish I had your job!" the man said. I laughed assuming he was joking. it was silent for a while till i decided to speak up. "you have any kids? and pets?" I said awkwardly. "Oh no! You know me I hate kids haha." the man said. I stared at him agressivly for a second because I have 10 p named children at home. I just laughed. he looked at me weird but then the waiter gave us our food and drinks.

"Thank you!" I said to the waiter. He looked.... fimiliar. wait. I stood up and got in his face. I pulled his face mask off as he said "MAAM PLEASE DUE TO COVID STAY SIX FEET AND DONT TOUCH ME!!!!" i paused.... "Y/n????!!!" The waiter said angrily! "XIAO????" I said even more angrily "OH FUK YOU" The xiao said to me. "YOUR GONNA GET IT NOW BITCH!!! I SCREAMED! "WTF!!!!" zhomgli said standing up now recording this.. "YEAH TAKE YOUR TOP OFF!!" some random man said from across the bar. I locked myself in the bathroom. I came out covered in blood. "WHERES THAT MAN!!" said zhongli. "I juST KiLled mY eX." i said zhongli threw something in my face it was a brown liquid "TF IS THAT!!!!" i screamed. "I STOLE POOP FROM YOUR SHOWER AND MADE IT INTO TEA BC IM LITERALLY YANDERE FOR YOU DADDDY!" ZHONGLI SHOUTED. "THA FUCCCCC!!!" I yelled "ALSO I KNOW YOUR A BIG FATASS I PUT A CAM IN YOUR BEDRROM AND SAW YOU SLEEP THROUGH 50 ALARMS!" He shouted again. I ran out the bar so fast got in my car locked it and started blasting "IM A BAD BAD DOG!" while driving out of the parking lot i saw eddie munson twerking at me again. "FUK YOU!" I shouted at him. Then he ran faster than the speed of light and jumped on my car denting my ceiling cuz hes so fat and he broke a window and got in with me "BOY WTF!!!!!" I screamed "PULL OVER!!" Eddie yelled. I did as he said. and thats when john stamos himself got in my car and started blastinf Taco farts! I laughed so hard ive never laughed harder in my life. Me and these guyes quirky lil guyes drove off into the sunset and I hope to never see zhongli ever again.

THE END

Also guys tysm for 50 likes! You guys are the best! Make sure to request!

[scentedchildnacho]

They asked me if I was alright so I told them I am really over tired someone tried to shoot me last night

I explained I think it was someone irish I have always had to be a Catholic school girl and he was too pale and fair haired to be white or European

I was told my sunny colors are beautiful too and I as white should not ruin my potential with childish nothing

I cant think of any other edifice that has completely claimed ownership of my body other then dental Christianity

I didn't see the gun but he made noises or cliques like he was closing the clip of a revolver or hand gun then he opened the trunk

And then for no apparent reason he stopped threatening me with noises got back into the car and left

That's what's curious to me he doesn't appear to have any consequences and could just kill me and get away with it and instead just left

So I think from cop shows they do monitor them surgically or shock and scare the hell out of him the way they do me because if he had to think of something alarming he just left

I think cops a little mysteriously are more effective at social control then I realize

I didn't call the police because he maybe had a gun and it appeared to me stupid and unsafe to call them to a location with weapons

Its an isolated location they wouldn't be able to rush in and out of and I do it so I die and am not donated to science

That's me about not being naive he was practicing something tactical on me for several hours and I have a very shocked and blurred migraine

But that apparently is truly the most they can do something brutally mental but if they try to kill now that was worse then jail work

I explained the black men in the area are rude horrible and unpleasant to poverty consistently poor themselves with nothing to give and a rude mean need to put themselves before poverty

So I think it was an opportunity to kill me finally and blame them

Some black guy came up to me and asked me if I had crystal meth so I told him I have no idea what your talking about then he also went to meet his selfish needs first and left me there with nothing

I told them the things have fuck ya over signs up everywhere about restrooms and no one will give me adequate payments to keep the bathroom meter running so I assume the street drug problem is keeping me on Arabic laws that could cause me jail rape should I not want to pee my pants

Its Mussolini inspired and not my land and I have to keep the bathroom always paid

Mussolini has criminals and the bathroom has to always be paid

They imply the jobs are being mean and their not their is a dictatorial regime and I have to always every time pay the bathroom meter

They clear cut state forest there is no where to go it's all a cess pool bitch and fucker disease

A lot of it doesn't appear to believe in stupidity and they will all have been stupid racists and people who bully by being selfish has you don't have something much larger then themselves that will burn down bitch and fuckers place to live for refusing to have anything social to do in a heat wave

They bully because they have more wealth then I do so something with more wealth then it will call it stupid and tank it

Its a heat wave and the things still have no where to go to call family important it's a heat wave you shut down consumption in humanitarian crisis and protect ones home instead of being out as bitch and fucko does promenade mall

Anyway I told them I don't know if there was a victim in the car he tried to blame me for or what exactly happened but he drove down in a black small unmarked commuter vehicle with desires to cop me then apparently was not given authority to corner isolate and shock me blind and deaf and just left

He used methods I saw cops use on vehicles they claimed had theft problems so I think he had a theft problem and tried to come down and blame me for it

He was so pale and fair haired he appeared the meth dealer the black guy was looking for so maybe that black guy was in the car and he tried to dispose of him and blame me for it

Its a rude mean black guy and it's kind of shocking their not more frightened of going missing

And now after ten years of poverty she is a monster instead of that man that looks like what was her name Charlize Theron played

Some lawn mower man came right up to me and threatened to cut me up so I asked this guy with a van if he had a self defense weapon I could use and he said no he just wants ya awake and moving and more adrenaline not cut up so I said yes do you have a self defense weapon so I can just quickly put it down out of misery awhile

It just ran the mower into high voltage to attack me so you have a self defense weapon to quickly baker act it's suicidality

The thing just tried to crash the high voltage do you have something to immediately put it into psychiatric emergency

She asked me if I had a self defense weapon.....so I said no most weapon sales are white and cause aggressional adrenal fatigue if a perp is hit with one he could go into high energy more attack and hurt ya worse which is why their only given to police

If lady police hit a perp with something they only do it if their gang wants to learn full combat control on something very aggravated

Most weapons manufacturing went to Africa and you can self defend without being angry there are tactical responses that are pleasant and disarming

Some people under light hypnosis do experience penitential remorse start crying and confess things about trauma

White is still soviet bloc it's x ray only vision very intensely angry shocking and terrifying and it's desired by many cultures because it does quickly stop unwanted behaviours of those not with the group

It caused me intense anxiety and when I'm anxious if I don't have satisfying return lash outs im depressed

If it's a psychiatrist for white people it does really terrify multi cultural groups to ever have a white disciplinary plan

She wouldn't stop calling the group hells and so a threat of a white plan and it cried like the witch was burning and finally went away

That's why whites were called feds it's not dynamic enough to be a corporate wealth

I asked someone about if they knew police and who a good police officer is to tell about violence against women and she told me to go to city council and file a report but don't just dial them their working seeing eye police and cannot be bothered

I did yell at traffick it kept being stupid it accelerates till it brakes quick and blocks handicap access and so I tell it it's percieved as aliens it's bitch and fuckos day everyday and it doused it's kids in chlorine

I explain to it that it's someone who will douse its own children in chlorine and so is nothing but a mental to the state

It may call me an inferior race but doing so has done nothing but refer to it as nothing but inferior its willing to terrify and shorten the life span of its own children

And she was like bye to me as I screamed at her that she don't own everything and is in the way of the pedestrian access and I was like yea bye your nothing but bitch and fucko to people yea bye

The things are complete idiots that always hug the line and accelerate at the intersection and look both ways only their really stupid awful people that assault other drivers and especially harass and batter poverty

The things understand one pedal or the other it's a repulsive inferior retard

Thats all they do bitch and fucko is take ya up to these lights get strict photos of ya and that's all they need to create a permanent population legislation

I mean there are things I maybe don't see but plastic surgery surgery cancer etc that's all being called a mental

Very barbaric in comparison to technologies and food science

Then the organ exists with mutations and they get that gunk that gunk out or your a death shell mummy to be preserved

All mental no belief here at all in being alive or enjoying life

Cancer freud there is an Amazon basin and if our indigenous origin had not been disturbed we would not have to suffer shame and patience

They still ice bath people here no joke it's all like one of the worst historic community assylums ever

This black lady who let me stay at her broke down southern house and explained to me she has a new letter disease and if more people knew about these new letters she would not have had to be trained in head battery

Its so much cuter and slightly generous if the black ladies play head beaters

Oh my gosh it's almost time for my bedtime and I don't know where to go now that I know that guy will drive around me

[futurefind]

//4am is worst time to try and put it into words but i keep Wanting to talk about it and failing to so like!! before i forget procrastinate again!!!

i just worry that like. because I'm so enthusiastic and like. 'loud'? people think i'm no anxiety and/or can't be told no?? and so people just roll with whatever i say for sake of not rocking the boat even if they want something different or i'm getting repetitive or that i'm overwhelming them????

and emphasis on the last bit bc like... i very much ping pong between 'too anxious to say anything at all'/low communication and 'worry i'm bothering/overwhelming them bc im repetitive and have cant shut up disease'/walls of text and sdghsdhgsh ;_;

idk ik everyones got social issues even before like. social and/or rp traumas but like. idk. i appreciate + would appreciate continued support patience (or what have you) wrt like... giving clear signals ig???

whether it's all but Literally psspsspssing me to talk to you more, showing/telling me (incl via like. tiny reacts like emojis etc) you're appreciating what i Am babbling at you, and/or telling me to slow the roll / shift gears / Be Quiet etc whenever you feel the need to yk!! (all of these ofc Only being done when you genuinely want to!!!)

including, btw, sbing/unfollowing/etc if the chemistry or w/e is gone too!! ;w; if you'd rather leave then!! do so!! i'd much rather everyone do what they're comfy with than stick around Just for the sake of it or w/e (coming back always an option but also if not! gl and good life and what have you!)

[radioconstructed]

"#// I got 'cant shut the fuck up' disease lol" GOOD, please keep talking

// This is me @ you for the encouragement

If you want to hear me talk about something related to Al, etc, just ask! Sometimes I need prompting / a specific subject, so feel free to hop in the inbox with any question you have!

[clanoffelidae]

personal, but overall positive! just under a read more bc i have chronic 'cant shut up disease' lol, just about how learning that i have adhd has explained so much and where i am right now on my path to healing from it all

a big part of my life recently has been learning to accept that i dont have much to show for my time

that so many of my friends are doing things and have all these wonderful crafts and skills to show for it

and i have nothing

i have my voice, i have my love for them and encouragement, but i dont have much to hold up next to their work and say 'see, i can make things too!'

because i havent made much

and thats perfectly fine! no one HAS to make things. so long as youre content, thats all that matters

but it can be upsetting because i WANT to make things

i WANT to be able to hold up what ive done next to my friends stuff and say ive made my own things, just like them

ive always wanted to make things, and i still do

but lately ive been having to come to terms with the fact that i havent, and that thats okay

because im still healing

because i went my whole life being praised for being clever and smart and advanced, for getting good grades and earning outstanding scholarships based solely on my academic abilities

and then crying because i couldnt focus on the material for the exam i had in half an hour and that no matter how much i physically forced myself to pay attention to it and tried to read it out loud to myself my brain was refusing to process the information and it was slipping through my fingers like sand

and dealing with this for years, never understanding how everyone else could just hang out and study regularly and i always had to beat my brain black and blue to get it to focus long enough to learn a single thing, thinking it was all my fault because clearly the problem was an inherent flaw in my personality and i was just a lazy and no good person who was immature and would never grow up and that i guess i didnt care because everyone was saying that if i cared id be working on it and i thought i cared an awful lot but they cant all be wrong so i guess i dont actually care about anything because nothing else makes sense...

that i was constantly running on pure adrenaline because that was the only way i was able to accomplish ANYTHING

there was no 'work on it slowly over time'

i'd be spaced out daydreaming, or listening to music while pacing the halls up and down and up and down and up and down for literal hours, from the moment i got off classes to a short break for dinner to right back to it until i forced myself to go to bed

just walking and walking and pacing and pacing and listening to music and daydreaming bc that was the only thing my brain was happy with

and looking back now, my god, i was acting like a tiger whose entire enclosure is a small concrete box three times its body length and so all it can do is pace back and forth and back and forth and back and forth

and by the time i graduated college i was so broken the mere thought of more schooling filled me with sheer dread, where i was so tired and worn down i barely even understood what i was doing anymore, i didnt want anyone to explain the 'why' or the 'how' of what it was they wanted me to do, i just wanted them to tell me what to do and leave me alone because even that was so close to more than i could handle

i couldnt take care of myself and had to be hassled at every turn to accomplish things i NEEDED to do, because they were hard and i couldnt do them until i was practically yelled at

and the thing is that im still doing that

not to the same extent, god no. i actually manage to keep relatively on top of my chores now, ive gotten into the routine of brushing my teeth every day properly, making sure i take a shower and moisturize (to be fair thats mostly because my hands are dry as shit bc i work in a lab lol, so they need lotioning after my shower), taking my meds, forcing myself to always eat SOMETHING at every meal time even if i cant manage what i 'should' eat, and ive started cooking again

not much, and its rare that i even extend my reach from 'grilled cheese' to 'boxed foods that require like 20-30 minutes instead of 5', but im starting to make food again and feed myself properly instead of either buying premade meals or just hoping i dont drop dead from whatever im hastily scarfing down with no thought to the nutritional value of it

im working on getting medicated and slowly learning how to be a person again after crashing myself so hard i think the only reason i didnt contemplate something more extreme is because i nearly died in 2019 and will never take one moment for granted

but my primary free time activity is still pacing and listening to music, lost in my own head and wearing a path into my apartment's floor

(hey im getting my steps in lol)

but i understand why now, and i understand why it can be so hard for me to pull myself away from that and make myself do other things

(if i were an ancient being i think i would be the one who walks endlessly without rest while softly singing a neverending song)

and that its not my fault, its not something wrong with me as a person in terms of my own personality or maturity or how hard im trying, its not something i can really control

and that part of learning how to heal from the damage its caused me is learning how to forgive myself for it

and so no i dont have much to show for my time, no i dont have many hobbies or little crafts to show for how productive i am and all my thoughts and all the wonderful little things i can and want to make

im too busy healing and remembering what its like to be alive

if i get one or two little things done here and there over the course of a few months that i can hold up and say 'look!!! i made something!!!' then thats wonderful, if not, if i come out those months with nothing to show for it and all i can say is 'i fed myself and brushed my teeth and went to bed on time and did my chores' then by god that is so much more than i wouldve been able to say a year and a half ago

no im not much of a 'content creator', even if i have so many ideas and want to make so many things that i want to share with so many people

and thats okay

because ive got something else that needs my time and energy right now

me

edit: want to clarify that by 'not something i can control' i mean that while i can find tricks and ways to make things easier to work WITH my adhd rather than against it i cant help having it and i cant help the fact that my brain is now wired differently because of it and that i cant do things in the same way as everyone else as a result

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Yknow the more I think about the part of ch5 I just played the more I'm worried for, of all people, Kiibo