#the conversation is about her. there are people who want to make it about someone else.

[vanteguccir]

Traitor | Matt Sturniolo

Matt Sturniolo x reader

Summary: Y/N and Matt are in a complicated relationship, where Matt is still stuck in the past with his ex. In an angsty pathway, Y/N suffers when she realizes that Matt will never love her as she wants.

Warning: Crying, panic attack, comparison, ANGST.

Requested?: Yes, by anon

Author's note: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

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Y/N adjusted her stunning dress in front of the mirror. The bright red silk fabric hugged her curves in a way she knew would make heads turn that night. Her hair fell in perfect waves over her shoulders, meticulously styled by her curling iron, and her makeup highlighted her features impeccably.

There was a palpable excitement in the air, an expectation of Matt's reaction; she always expected to receive showers of praise from her boy, just as she did for him. The party they were about to go to - a fancy one that celebrated the launch of the new Space Camp line - would be the perfect opportunity to show everyone, and especially him, how hard she worked to be perfect.

The low sound of the bedroom door's handle turning sounded through the silence, Matt's figure appearing through the wooden frame, and all Y/N could feel as she watched him through the mirror's reflection was her racing heart. He looked stunning in his black suit, the crooked tie relaxing the seriousness of his attire.

She waited for the compliment, for the spark in his eyes that would confirm that all the effort had been worth it.

"You look beautiful, Y/N." Blue eyes traveled over her body for some seconds, but before she could absorb the joy of that moment, he finished. "Did you know that Amanda has a dress similar to yours?"

Y/N felt her stomach tighten painfully as her heart felt like it was being broken by a hammer three times its size. Amanda. Always Amanda. Matt's ex-girlfriend was a constant shadow between them, a specter that Y/N could never completely dispel.

She forced a smile, swallowing the anguish rising in her throat.

"Oh, really?" Was all she could say, trying to keep her voice steady, her hands shaking slightly at the side of her hips.

Later that day, the party continued with Y/N ​​by Matt's side, but her mind was far away. Every time someone praised her, she remembered Matt's comment. Even surrounded by people and with Matt by her side, she felt incredibly alone.

Her thoughts revolved around a single question: Why couldn't he see her for who she was instead of always comparing her to Amanda?

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

A few weeks later, a new day brought a new blow. Matt was in his shared room with Y/N, sitting in his gaming chair with his upper body resting on the wooden surface, his hands on his Macbook, busy answering emails sent to the triplets' mail.

Y/N entered quietly, carrying two glasses full of fresh watermelon juice, knowing that Matt would definitely be thirsty and hungry after hours of sitting there. But as she got closer, she saw his computer screen. The messaging app was open, and the open window wasn't just any texts — it was old conversations between Matt and Amanda.

He read them with a melancholic smile, his eyes shining with a longing that Y/N knew all too well.

"Matt..." Her voice came out in an involuntary whisper, the broken tone sounding louder than it was expected.

The boy startled, closing the laptop quickly.

"Babe, hey, you scared me!" The boy turned around suddenly, clearing his throat and laughing awkwardly, trying to look casual. "I was just... clearing out some old stuff."

Y/N just nodded, the pain growing inside her chest.

"It's fine. Here, I made this for you." She raised her hand that held the fullest glass, smiling brokenly and keeping her eyes open, taking note on how Matt didn't notice the tears shining in her orbs or pretended not to.

She knew he was lying. She knew he was stuck in the past, that Amanda still dominated his thoughts and his heart. But once again, she chose to ignore it, to stifle her own suffering out of love for him.

Because losing Matt was a fear that outweighed any pain she might feel.

Right?

Right! Until things reached an unbearable point.

Y/N had an appointment at the beauty salon, something she did to feel a little more in control, a little more beautiful in a reality where she always felt insufficient. Matt said he couldn't accompany her, claiming he had videos to film with his brothers. She understood, or at least she tried.

It was Saturday, they didn't film on Saturday.

Sitting in the salon chair, while her nails were being done and her hair was treated, Y/N took out her phone to pass the time, holding the device awkwardly for fear of smudging her sparkling nail polish.

Scrolling through Instagram while her ears caught some conversations around the salon, her heart almost flew out of its place and up her mouth when she saw a photo that one of the celebrity gossip pages had just posted.

Matt was in a coffee shop with Amanda.

His smile was radiant, a kind of joy Y/N hadn't seen on his face in a long time. He looked so… complete, so genuinely happy.

Y/N felt the world come crashing down around her. Tears burned her eyes, but she held them back, looking around at all the other radiant women before turning her attention back to the news, clutching her cell between her left fingers, a low "sorry" scaping her lips when her right hand trembled against the manicurist ones.

She didn't give a shit that they were talking in a cafe, she didn't mind if they wanted to be friends again - even though she had destroyed Matt, and Y/N was the one to put him together again -, it was something else that bothered her.

Matt had lied to her. He said he was going to film. What the fuck was he doing out with Amanda?

But the truth was right there, raw and painful: Matt would never be fully hers. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she sacrificed, he would always be stuck in the past in the love he had for Amanda. He would always go back to her.

Y/N took a deep breath, forcing a smile as the manicurist applied red nail polish to her nails on her left hand. The color perfectly matched the feelings she felt at that moment; dark.

Every move by the salon professionals seemed like a desperate attempt to beautify her for someone who would never see her true beauty. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop her mind from going back to that image of Matt smiling with Amanda. It was a smile she could never get out of him.

"You look amazing, Y/N!" Cintia, the girl's hairdresser for years now, praised excitedly, straightening the last strands of hair just finished and turning the chair so that Y/N could see herself in the mirror. "Matt will love it."

Y/N looked at her reflection, but all she saw was an improved version of herself that, despite all her effort, would never be enough for Matt. She would always be just a shadow, a pale substitute.

"Thank you..." The girl tried to say, but her voice came out hoarse, almost a whisper, fighting to keep the tears at bay.

The room around her seemed like a golden prison, full of mirrors that only reflected her internal pain. Every compliment, every word of encouragement, sounded hollow, meaningless, because the person whose opinion mattered most was, at that very moment, laughing and smiling with another woman; the woman he truly loved.

When Y/N finally left the salon, she felt exhausted, as if she had run an emotional marathon. She walked slowly to her home, opting not to call an Uber.

Her hands fished her phone out of her half-open purse, and, with trembling fingers decorated in red, she sent a text to Diana, her best friend.

"Diana, are you home? Can I sleep there tonight?"

As she waited for the answer, her mind wandered through a whirlwind of thoughts. The pain was constant but mixed with a new resolve.

She needed to get out of there. She needed space to breathe, to think.

"Of course, babes!"

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Getting home was an automatic process. The house she shared with the triplets seemed colder and more hostile than ever.

Y/N walked past the living room where Chris and Nick were sprawled awkwardly on the gray couch playing video games, their excited laughter, and screams a cruel contrast to the pain she felt.

"Y/N!" Nick smiled brightly when he saw his best friend out of the corner of his eye. "Want to play a round with us?"

"No thanks, Nick. I'm tired." She murmured, smiling wide and fake - even though he wasn't looking at her directly -, trying to appear normal.

She walked slowly down the path between the living room and kitchen, each step a reminder of what she was about to do.

Her hands worked automatically on the door, entering her shared room with Matt, closing it behind her, the sound of the lock clicking echoing like a period in her mind. She looked around, taking in the details that made the space a home - the photos on the wall, the personal items, the memories. But now, it all felt empty.

She grabbed a suitcase stored at the back of their shared closet and began filling it with her necessities. The simple act of opening the suitcase caused a wave of despair to hit her.

Every piece of clothing and every object that her hands roughly touched and threw blindly into the suitcase was a small stab in her heart. The tears finally started to stream down her face, and she didn't try to stop them. Reality was imposing itself in a cruel way.

Her movements became slower and slower, while her thoughts became more chaotic.

"I'll never be enough for him."

"I'll never be her."

"He'll never love me the way I love him."

"I'm destroying myself for someone who cares little about me."

"What did I do wrong?"

These thoughts repeated like a cruel mantra in her mind. She felt her breathing quicken. Her lungs seemed unable to take in enough air. The room, which had always been a refuge, now felt like an oppressive cell. Panic began to set in. Her chest felt tight, her hands shook, and the air seemed to escape.

The tears flowed like hot, relentless waterfalls. The suitcase was open in front of her, half full, but it seemed like an insurmountable abyss. Y/N tried to take a deep breath, but each attempt only resulted in more despair.

The sobs came strong and uncontrollable. The girl stopped in front of the bed, standing, after throwing the last piece taken by her hands, bending her upper body over the suitcase, gripping the edge of the thick fabric with such strength that it made her fingers take on a whitish color, fully throwing her weight on her arms as if they were a lifeboat in the middle of a storm.

"Why am I not good enough?"

"What is wrong with me?"

"Why can’t he love me?"

She felt completely alone, drowning in her own pain. The panic attack took over, stealing any trace of control she still had.

The walls of the room seemed to close in on Y/N, the contours of the furniture becoming indistinct and threatening as her breathing became increasingly rapid and shallow. Her heart hammered in her chest with an almost painful force, each beat ringing in her ears like deafening thunder. The air felt thick, sticky, and impossible to inhale properly.

"Am I really that hard to be loved?"

"I wish I was her."

"He was never mine, right?"

Her hands shook uncontrollably, her fingers tingling over her suitcase as a feeling of numbness spread through her arms. Sweat dripped down her forehead, leaving her feeling sticky and uncomfortable, while the cold began to spread throughout her body, generating incessant chills.

Her vision blurred, the edges of the room distorting into restless shadows that danced and pulsed, transforming the room into a place strangely familiar and frighteningly alien at the same time. Each sound seemed amplified and distant, the ones of laughter and the clicks of long and simple kisses played in memories in her head like a record player at its highest volume, creating a surreal echo that only intensified the feeling of isolation and despair.

Exhausted, Y/N let herself sink to the floor, her sobs echoing in the empty room, an expression of the pain and loneliness that she felt suffocating herself relentlessly. Her legs folded in front of her body, the front of her thighs sticking firmly against her stomach as her arms served as a shield for her head, her hands involuntarily going up to her own hair, gripping the strands tightly, trying to ground herself.

Meanwhile, Nick ran towards her and Matt's room with quick, excited steps. He had just finished the last round of his video game with Chris and was looking forward to seeing the outcome of Y/N's salon day, hoping it would make her happier after noticing the inconsistency in her voice when she got home.

His closed fist lightly knocked on the door before opening it, the smile on his face instantly disappearing as his eyes met the scene before him.

Y/N was on the floor, curled up in a fetal position, her hands now grabbing her arms in a desperate hug. Her face was wet with tears, her eyes wide and fixed on a distant, indistinct point. Her breathing was ragged, labored, as if she were trying to pull air through a narrow, clogged straw. The sound of her panting was interspersed with heavy sobs, creating a symphony of anguish that made Nick's heart tighten in his chest.

"Y/N!" Nick called, his voice thick with panic. But to Y/N, his words were like distant whispers, drowned out by the deafening noise of her own frantically beating heart.

Her mind was in a whirlwind of chaotic, disorganized thoughts, each competing for attention and increasing the feeling of panic. She felt trapped in an endless cycle of terror, unable to escape the downward spiral that consumed her.

The feeling of suffocation was overwhelming, as if an invisible weight was pressing down on her chest, making every desperate attempt to breathe difficult. The seconds seemed to stretch into a torturous eternity, each second carrying a new wave of fear and despair.

Nick ran up to her, the panic on his face intensifying by the second. He knelt beside Y/N, trying to find a way to reach her, to bring her back from that abyss of despair. His hands shook as he gently pulled her close, enveloping her in a tight, protective hug.

"I’m here, Y/N, I’m here." He repeated, his voice choked with emotion, praying to whatever was watching them to make her listen to him. But she didn't seem to be able to do it, lost in her own spiral of panic.

Nick closed his eyes for a moment, fighting to stay calm. He knew he needed to be strong for her, and he needed to find a way to calm her.

"Y/N, look at me, please." He pleaded, voice softer, trying to break the invisible barrier that kept her trapped in her own fear. The brunette held her face with his hands, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Breathe with me, okay? Breathe slowly."

He began to breathe deeply, exaggerating his movements so she could follow. He breathed in slowly and deeply through his nose, holding it for a moment before slowly exhaling through his mouth. He felt Y/N tremble in his arms, but he kept pace, trying to convey calmness through each breath.

"That's it, keep going, you can do it." Nick encouraged, feeling a small change in her breathing. Her panting began to synchronize with his, although it was still irregular. He continued to whisper words of comfort, repeating that he was there, that she wasn't alone.

Slowly, very slowly, he felt the stiffness in her body begin to ease. Y/N's breathing became a little steadier, although she was still shaking. Nick kept the hug tight, feeling her heart beat against his own chest. He knew she was still scared, still trapped in her mind, but she was starting to come back.

"You're safe, Y/N. I'm here." Nick said once again, his voice firm and reassuring. He didn't let go of her face, maintaining eye contact, grounding her to reality. "Let's get through this together, okay?"

Finally, after several minutes that felt like hours, Y/N began to breathe in a more controlled manner. Her sobs subsided, and her eyes, once wide with terror, began to focus on Nick's. Her blurred vision cleared a little, the walls of the room seeming less threatening.

Nick sighed in relief, still holding her tightly, feeling the tension gradually ease in her muscles.

His own heart was still beating fast, but now, for a different reason. He looked around, trying to understand the situation better, when his blue orbs stopped on the open suitcase above the bed. The sight of the packed suitcase made his heart sink. Confusion and fear settled in his chest. What was happening? Why was she packing her things? The thought of Y/N leaving caused him his own panic, an intense worry that he tried to suppress, deciding that the questions could wait.

With a conscious effort, he looked away from the suitcase and focused on the immediate task of taking care of Y/N. He stood up slowly, maintaining eye contact to ensure she didn't feel abandoned for even a moment. The boy grabbed the pink bottle of water from the bedside table on her side of the bed and quickly returned, sitting next to her on the cold floor again. The hard ground beneath him was a sharp contrast to the softness of concern he felt for Y/N.

"Here, drink some water." He asked softly, handing Y/N the bottle.

The fragile girl took the bottle with hands that were still shaking but managed to open the cap and take a few small sips, each one firmer than the last. Nick watched her every move, his mind still spinning around the suitcase. The silence in the room was heavy, filled with unspoken words and unasked questions. He waited patiently, without pressing, standing by her side like a pillar of support.

After long seconds of silence, Y/N took a deep breath, her gaze shifting from the bottle to the suitcase on the bed. She knew she needed to explain. Nick deserved to know what was going on, especially after helping her get through that panic attack. She straightened up a little, trying to find the strength to speak.

"Nick..." She began, her voice still trembling. "I... I'm packing because I need to get out of here for a while. I can't stay here any longer, the way things are between me and..." Her voice trailed off into the air before she could mention the name of the boy she loved most in the world.

Nick felt a lump form in his throat, but he remained calm, waiting for her to continue. Y/N took another sip of water before continuing, her words coming out in a halting, painful stream.

"I saw Matt with Amanda today, you know? They were together, and he looked so happy… happier than I've ever seen him with me." Her voice cracked again, but she took a deep breath and continued. "It made me realize that no matter how much I love him, he will never love me the same way. And I can't keep destroying myself like this. So, I'm going to spend the night at Diana's house. I need some time to think, to calm down. Get away from here. Get away from him. And maybe make him miss me... Or finally notice that I'm not what he wants." The last part came out in a broken whisper, her gaze lowering to her crossed legs.

Nick felt a wave of relief upon hearing that she wasn't leaving his life forever, but the worry and sadness over her situation still weighed heavily on him. He wanted to say something, anything to ease her pain, but the words seemed inadequate. Instead, he just nodded, offering silent support.

"And please, Nick, don't tell Matt anything yet." Y/N asked, her eyes pleading. "I need a little time to understand what I'm going to do. He really hurt me, but I can't act on impulse."

Nick held her hand firmly, offering her an expression of understanding and support.

"Of course, Y/N. I won't tell him. I promise." He murmured sincerely. "You can have all the time you need. And I'm here for you, no matter what. I love my little brother, but I won't defend him when he's in the wrong end. You deserve someone who sees you for who you are, Y/N. Someone who loves you completely, without shadows of the past."

They sat there for a few more minutes, sharing that moment of stillness and understanding. The cold of the ground seemed less intense with each other's comforting presence.

Eventually, Y/N stood up, with Nick helping her place her suitcase on the floor. She took one last look at the room she had shared with Matt, pain visible in her eyes but also a growing determination. She knew she needed to step away to heal, to find her own strength again.

"Let's go." Nick's voice woke her from her reverie, his hands picking up her suitcase and walking it to the door. "I'll uber you to Diana's house."

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Matt returned home with a beaming smile on his face, his heart still racing with the joy of the friendly encounter he had had. He had spent the afternoon with Amanda, talking and laughing like old times, and the feeling of familiarity and happiness was undeniable.

The boy climbed the stairs of the house with quick steps, eager to see Y/N and share his good mood with her. He wanted to hold her close on their bed, bury his nose in the curve of her neck, and smell her soft and natural perfume as he told her about his day.

But when he opened the bedroom door, a strange feeling of tension in the air made him stop. The environment felt different, as if something had changed, but he couldn't identify what it was. He entered the space, leaving the door open behind him, turning his body and letting his eyes roam the four walls, trying to find what was wrong. Nothing seemed out of place at first glance: the bed was made, his clothes were in the same place, the books were on the shelf, and the computer was on the computer desk. But there was an absence he still couldn't understand.

It was when he opened the closet that reality began to form in his mind. Y/N's side was almost empty. Where her dresses, skirts, and t-shirts once hung, now there were just a few lonely hangers. The empty space where her suitcase sat now felt like a black hole, sucking in all the light and joy he had felt moments before.

Matt felt his heart stop for a second, a feeling of panic starting to take over his chest.

"Y/N? Hey, baby? Are you cleaning out the closet by any chance?" Matt's broken voice sounded through the room in an echo, seeming to escape out the door and travel the entire floor of the house, his blue eyes still fixed on the empty hangers as his mind created the expectation of hearing the sweet, melodious voice back.

But nothing came.

Nick appeared silently in the doorway, watching his younger brother with a serious expression. Matt was so absorbed in his desperate search for answers that he didn't notice Nick's presence until he heard his voice.

"She left."

Matt turned abruptly, his wide, confused eyes meeting Nick's. The older triplet's expression was one of deep sadness, mixed with calm determination. Matt felt a wave of despair rise up inside him, like an overwhelming tide ready to swallow him.

"What do you mean 'she left'?" Matt asked, his voice trembling accompanied by an expression of terror. "Where- Where did she go?"

Nick sighed, taking a step forward, eyes shining with suppressed anger.

"That doesn't matter now. What matters is that you need to decide what you really want, Matt. She saw you with Amanda today, you know?"

Matt felt the ground disappear beneath his feet. He looked around the room again, this time with a clear understanding of what was missing. Y/N, the constant, loving presence in his life, was gone.

"I don't understand..." Matt muttered almost to himself. "I thought we were fine."

"Only you saw this. Seeing you with Amanda was the last straw for her. She loves you, she really does, but she can't keep living like this, Matt, not when she knows that you still have feelings for your ex." Nick scoffed, a disgusted tone echoing with his words, shaking his head and rolling his eyes in suppressed anger. "And you can't continue like this, dividing your attention between Y/N and Amanda. This is destroying Y/N, and you don't even realize it."

"But I... I was just trying to be friends with Amanda again. I don't have feelings for her anymore." Matt spluttered, confusion and guilt beginning to mix in his chest.

"Then why do you keep seeing her?" Nick countered, with no softness in his words. "Y/N loves you, Matt. She loves you so much that she is destroying herself because you don't treat her like you should. She needs you, and you're here, acting like nothing's wrong. And if you continue like this, you will permanently lose the only girl who has truly stuck by your side through thick and thin."

Matt felt a lump tighten in his throat. He tried to speak, but words failed him. The image of Y/N, the woman he loved, suffering in silence because of her insensitivity, was unbearable.

He felt foolish and insensitive. How had he not realized how much Y/N ​​was suffering? All he wanted was to be able to hug her now, tell her that he loved her, and that she was the only person that mattered. But at that moment, he realized how late those words could be.

"I didn't cheat on her, Nick. I really was with Amanda, but I didn't… I didn't do anything wrong." Matt's voice sounded choked, tears beginning to well up in his eyes as anxiety rose through his body like rafters.

"You think you didn't, Matt. But sometimes, it's not about what you do but about how you make the other person feel. And honestly? Giving priority to your ex, the girl who broke you and made you suffer for days on end, over Y/N, who you say you love oh so much, is low blow. Right now, Y/N needs space to breathe to understand her own feelings. And you need to truly analyze what you did and recant with her when she is ready."

Matt walked with shaky steps towards the double bed, sinking onto the edge of the mattress, burying his face in his hands. The weight of guilt and regret was crushing. All he could think about was how he wanted to turn back in time, do things differently, show Y/N that she was the center of his world. Never have lunch with Amanda.

"I need to talk to her." Matt tightened his fingers around the brown strands of her hair, sniffling. "I need to tell her that I'm sorry, that I love her. I really do, Nick."

"I know. But give her a little time, Matt. Forcing a conversation now might make things worse. Let her process everything, and then you can try talking to her." Nick advised, watching him closely before he turned, walking towards the door. "And next time, treat her like the wonderful woman she is, not like a replacement."

Matt nodded slowly, begrudgingly, knowing his brother was right, the despair turning into a silent, constant pain. The room around him, which had once been a haven of love and shared memories, now seemed like an empty, desolate space. The mattress beneath his body, where both of their bodies lay together just the day before, now felt like an icy surface, sending horrible shivers through his body.

His mind betrayed him by making him remember the moments when he had treated Y/N with indifference and neglect, moments that he now saw with painful clarity. Each memory was like a stab to the heart, revealing the depth of his callousness. Y/N's smiles that he had taken for granted, the nights she waited up for him while he lost himself in thoughts of the past, the comparisons...

He could now see the small changes in her expression, the way her eyes sparkled less, how her smile became rarer with each passing day. She was withdrawing, and he was blindly contributing to that withdrawal.

Sitting there, now alone in the room, Matt felt the weight of his own guilt and regret. He realized that he had never made Y/N feel like the most important woman in her life. Instead, he had relegated her to the background, allowing the shadows of his former relationship to contaminate the present. Y/N's love and dedication towards him contrasted painfully with his own indifference.

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My requests are closed, but my asks are always open ♡

And remember to treat people with kindness always!

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[hoshifighting]

virgin!mingyu x reader

warnings: first time experience, oral, hair grabbing, cock riding, slightly nipple play (m receiving)...

you and mingyu always bicker. it's your thing. teasing, mocking—it's all part of the routine. recently, though, you’ve been working on a college project with wonwoo, mingyu’s roommate. 

mingyu had just broken up with his girlfriend from campus a little while ago. wonwoo mentioned that his girlfriend lost patience with mingyu because he didn’t want to have sex with her. 

what she didn’t know was that he’s still a virgin. 

when you heard that, you felt sad. mingyu isn’t a bad person at all.you remember back in high school when you were the one being mocked for never having kissed anyone. mingyu, hearing all the fuss in the canteen, just walked over and kissed you. it made all the teasing stop.

you didn’t like that the gossip was about him now. one evening, wonwoo excuses himself, saying he needs to go to his parents' home. he leaves you at their dorm to finish the project, knowing mingyu is around.

“hey, can you pass me the glue?” you ask, not looking up from your work.

mingyu, lounging on his bed with a comic book, grumbles but gets up and hands it to you. “you know, you could get it yourself,” he says, a smirk playing on his lips.“

“yeah, but then i’d miss out on this delightful conversation,” you shoot back, rolling your eyes.

there’s a pause, then mingyu sits down across from you, watching you work. 

it’s quiet, almost too quiet, and you can feel his eyes on you. 

finally, you break the silence.“so, uh, wonwoo told me about you and your girlfriend,” you say, trying to keep your tone casual.mingyu’s expression darkens a bit.

 “oh, he did, did he?”

“yeah. i just… i’m sorry. she didn’t deserve to know anyway,” you say, fumbling with the glue cap.

he raises an eyebrow. “didn’t deserve to know what?”

“that you’re… you know, still a virgin,” you mumble, avoiding his gaze.

mingyu sighs and leans back in his chair. “it’s not something i’m ashamed of, you know. it’s just… private.”

“yeah, i get it. people can be really judgmental about stuff like that,” you say, thinking back to high school again.

“like when you hadn’t kissed anyone yet,” mingyu says, reading your mind.

“exactly,” you say, smiling a little. “that day in the canteen… you really saved me from a lot of embarrassment.”

he chuckles. “i remember. your face was so red.”

“oh, shut up,” you laugh, throwing a balled-up piece of paper at him.

he catches it easily, tossing it back. “i just didn’t want them to make you feel bad. you didn’t deserve it.”

“neither do you,” you say softly. “i think i... can help if you want to,” you say softly, feeling your cheeks warm up.

mingyu looks at you, confusion flickering across his face. “help with what?”

you swallow, feeling a bit nervous but determined. “with, you know, the whole... virgin thing.”

his eyes widen, and he sits up straighter. “wait, are you saying...?”

“yeah,” you interrupt, feeling a bit more confident. “i mean, if you want to, that is. no pressure.”

mingyu is silent for a moment, processing what you just said. then he runs a hand through his hair, a nervous habit you’ve seen a hundred times. “why would you want to do that?”

“because you deserve someone who cares and won’t judge you,” you say simply. “and because... i trust you.”

he looks at you, searching your face for any hint of a joke or insincerity. finding none, he takes a deep breath. “are you sure? i mean, we’ve always just...”

“bickered? yeah, i know. but there’s more to us than that,” you say, moving closer to him. “i think we’ve always known that, deep down.”

mingyu’s eyes soften, and he reaches out to take your hand. “okay. i trust you too.”

you both sit there for a moment, holding hands and letting the reality of the situation sink in. then, with a small smile, you lean in and kiss him.

you lean in and kiss him, feeling the softness of his lips and the tentative way he kisses back. it’s gentle at first, but soon the kiss deepens, becoming more urgent. your hands move to his shirt, pulling it up and over his head, revealing the smooth skin of his chest.

you break the kiss, trailing your lips down his neck and across his chest. you plant a soft kiss on each of his nipples, hearing his sharp intake of breath, a soft moan escaping his lips. his embarrassment is endearing, but you can tell he’s enjoying it.

“relax,” you whisper, your voice a soft command. “just enjoy it.”

you continue your path downward, kissing and nibbling along his stomach, feeling his muscles tense under your touch. when you reach the waistband of his pants, you look up at him, seeing the anticipation and nervousness in his eyes. you slide his pants down, freeing him from the confines of his clothes.

taking him into your hand, you give him a reassuring smile before lowering your mouth to him. your tongue flicks out, tasting the saltiness of his skin, and you can feel him shudder. as you take him deeper into your mouth, you hollow your cheeks and suck gently, eliciting a deep moan from him.

his hand tangles in your hair, not guiding, just holding, as if he needs the connection to ground himself. you start to move, slowly at first, getting used to the feel of him in your mouth. your spit makes everything slick, and you can taste the faint hint of precum.

you take him deeper, trying to relax your throat as you push him further in. his hips jerk slightly, and you feel his breath hitch. your fingers trail along his length, adding to the sensation, and you glance up to see his eyes half-closed, mouth slightly open in pleasure.

as you increase your pace, taking him as deep as you can, you press a finger gently against the slit at the tip, preventing him from reaching his climax too soon. he groans, the sound desperate and full of need.

“please,” he whispers, his voice strained.

you pull back, letting him slip from your mouth. “not yet,” you murmur, climbing back up to straddle him. you align yourself with him, and with a slow, deliberate motion, you sink down onto him.

the feeling is intense for both of you, and you take a moment to adjust, watching the way his eyes widen with the new sensation. you start to move, rocking your hips in a steady rhythm. his hands find your waist, holding you as if he’s afraid you might disappear.

“god, you feel amazing,” he groans, his grip tightening.

you smile down at him, leaning forward to kiss him again. the kiss is hungry, filled with the heat of the moment. as you move faster, you can feel him getting closer, his breathing becoming more erratic.

you adjust your angle, finding that perfect spot that makes both of you see stars. his moans grow louder, and you can tell he’s right on the edge. you pick up the pace, wanting to give him an unforgettable first time.

“come for me, mingyu,” you whisper against his lips.

with a final, deep thrust, he cries out, his body shuddering as he reaches his climax. the feeling of him coming inside you sends you over the edge as well, and you ride out the waves of pleasure together.

you collapse onto his chest, both of you breathing hard, sweat-slicked and spent. he wraps his arms around you, holding you close, and you can feel his heart pounding against yours.

“that was...” he begins, but he doesn’t seem to have the words.

“unforgettable?” you suggest, smiling as you nuzzle into his neck.

“yeah,” he agrees, his voice full of awe and gratitude. “unforgettable.”

[spidybaby]

hi! pls do something where reader is xavis daughter and shes helpin' him with water and other things at the trainings because shes like grounded but not everyone knows shes his kid and she and pedri become closer and he defend her when one of the team say something cruel to her pls

Sorry my english is not the best is not my first language

Water girl

Summary: The team doesn't know you're Xavi's daughter until Pedri and you begin a relationshp and everything comes to light.

Warnings: cursing, physical altercation, slut shaming.

A/N: This is long, I kinda got inspired and wanted to share something with you. Hope you like it ❤️ love you✨️🌸 @gadriezmannsgirl hi 😛❤️

"You have to be kidding me. There's no way in hell I'm spending my vacation like this." You yell, hurrying upstairs.

The thing about being the kid of an elite football player is that you're not faster than them. They will always win.

You tried to close your door, but Xavi managed to stop it before it closed. "Go away, oh my God."

"That's the good thing about being your father, mi reina. You obey what I say, not the other way around. So go change and meet me in the car."

He slams the door on his way out. But the door is opened again, this time by Nuria. "You better hurry up. He's going to come back and take you to the car even if you're in pajamas."

"Nu, that's totally unfair." You whine, walking to your closet. "Are you seriously allowing this?"

"Don't forget to put on some sunscreen." She waves you goodbye and close the door.

You grab a leggin, an oversized t-shirt, and put on your Jordans. You did put on some sunscreen, not wanting to do anything with your hair, only putting it up.

"Bye, if I die, this is on you guys. Hope you know that." You told your stepmother on your way out. She laughs at your annoyed behavior.

Xavi is waiting on his car. He has this big smile on his face. To you is like he's laughing at you. You walk slowly to the car, making him raise an eyebrow.

"I'm the boss, I can be late if I want to, so don't worry. No matter how slow we are still going to make it." He says as you open the car door.

"Papi, please."

"Let's go, reina."

Having no other option, you hop up. He was giving you a talk about life and having goals. The talk continued until you made it to the training camp.

"Your uncle Oscar is waiting for you. Please go to my office." He says, handing you a "staff" card. "This opens the doors."

You obey, walking the way you already know. The long hallway that only staff members are allowed to be, and different offices, some for the technical team, some for meetings, his office.

You knocked before walking inside, your uncle was on his phone, writing something he was reading on a board.

"Hey."

"Hola, reina." He smiles, leaving what he's doing to get close and hug you. "So happy to see you again."

"Hola, I missed you so much." You hug him back. He was patting your back. "Please help me, I don't want to do this."

The sound of the door opening and laughs saved the moment for you. It was your dad with a blonde lady.

"Oh hello! It's so good to have you back."

"Hello." You smiled, not the best at picking conversations.

"Gosh, Xavi. Your daughter is so big. I remember when I last saw you at your father vows renewal, you were so small."

"This is Martina. She's the boss of the interns and some social media people." Xavi says, you smile again but this time nodding your head. "She will be your boss."

"Your father tells me that you wanted to get something to do now that you're here in Barcelona."

"Yes, something to do." You say sarcastically, Xavi gave you a look. "I'm happy to be here." You lie.

"Well, I need some help in the recovery training. They need someone who helps with the water."

"Like a water girl?"

"Si, you're going to be their water girl."

You nod, eyes on your father, who's smiling in a particular way that's making you angry. "That's great, let's go."

Martina guides you to the little room with coolers, some freezers with ice packs, a bunch of stock of Gatorade, water, and water bottles of the sponsor.

"So, we already fill this one with Gatorade and some wattle bottles from prime, the players who are in recovery have a more private training, so you're with them."

You let her explain to you the training hours, the days the social media girls were there to film and that day you had to bring the prime bottles, the Gatorade thing that makes squishi drinks and how to fill it.

"I want to ask you something."

"Whatever you want, yes?"

"I don't want anyone to know that I'm Xavi's daughter, I want just to be like an intern, maybe?"

Martina nods her head. She gets what you mean, not wanting to be favored. "We can do that." She smiled. "Also, we have these t-shirts for interns to change into, so before going to the training camp, you can change."

You went to the nearest bathroom and changed the oversized t-shirt. Leaving the old one in the little closet because Martina said so.

You grab the small cooler, walking with Martina, who was explaining to you who you were working with. You had to be there the whole training and offer the player some water every two series of exercise.

"You're today with Raphinha and Pedri. So it's going to be easy, they're nice and friendly."

She led you to the training camp, Oscar was helping the two players to warm. He waves you happy, and you return the wave.

"If you need a pointer, Pedri likes blue Gatorade and Raph likes the red one."

"Which one is Pedri?" You ask confused, not really knowing who was who because you weren't used to the team.

"The one without tattoos. I have a meeting with some interns, see you later, hun."

"Okay, have fun in your meeting."

The training was boring, nothing new. They were making a smoother training because of their injuries.

Oscar stands next to you, almost at the middle of the training. "Your dad once brought you to the training. You made everybody do push-ups. He went home super proud about you liking football."

You smile at the story, not really remembering about it. "Uncle Andres used to say I was going to be playing as a forward."

"Nah, you have more as a midfielder."

"What position do they play on?"

"Pedri is a midfielder, Raphinha is a right winger." He points at them once he mentions their names. "Venga chicos, take five and we continue."

You get up from the bench, walking to the players. They were chatting and making jokes.

"Hola, tengo agua." You say awkwardly. (Hi, I got water)

Raphinha laughed at how uncomfortable you look, more used to interns or water girls who were ready to flirt with them.

"First day?"

"Is it that obvious?" You shrug your eyes.

"A little, just used to other type of treatment." He jokes, moving his eyebrows up and down.

You don't know what face you made, but Pedri laughed at your facial expressions.

"Te mandaron a comer papilla." He laughs, hitting Raphinha on his arm. (You were rejected)

"I like you. Can you pass me the red Gatorade?" Raphinha looks at you up and down.

You get both colors, passing one to Pedri as well. He thanked you and smiled a little with you. You go back next to your uncle.

Training was quick. It wasn't like the first team due to their injuries.

You can't help but feel something weird about the job. You haven't been on a training or stadium since you were a kid.

"Hola, oye, puedes darme una botella de agua?" (Can you pass me a bottle of water), he whispers, noticing that you're distracted.

You go back to reality. Nodding and handing him the bottle of water.

"Is it fun working here?" He asks.

"Considering this is my first day like you figure out, I think it's good." You say, half smile on your face.

"Bueno, not all first times are good." He shrugs, smiling at you.

You wanted to laugh, but you just smile and nod. "Yep, that's true."

"Thank you." He hands you the bottle again. Walking back to the field.

🪷🪷🪷

The next days were easy for you. Even when you didn't want to say it, you did enjoy watching them train and do other activities than be home.

You got assigned with the recovery team as long as there were players training.

"For how long are they training like this?" You ask curious.

"Until the medical team tell us that they can train and play with the first team."

"What happened to Pedri?" You say, eyes fixed on his back. He was doing some penalties practice.

"He injured himself a long time ago, and that same injury is coming back now." He says, you nod in response. "Frenkie, don't skip that part, I'm watching you, son."

They do another five rounds until the next break. Pedri walked over to you again. "El calor está." He wipes the sweat with his hand. "How can you look so fresh? It's like hell fire."

"I used to live in Brazil, this is fresh for them." You confess.

"Wow, Brazil." He smiles. "Can I have some water?"

"Two euros per bottle." You joke, handing him the bottle. "And five per Gatorade."

"I don't have change on me, but if I found you after the training, I'll make sure to pay my debt." He smiles, throwing the bottle back in the cooler.

"I'll take that as a promise." You say, returning the smile.

"Maybe you can tell me about Brazil." He says, going back to the middle of the field where Oscar is explaining something to Frenkie.

You check your phone while the training finishes. You texted Nuria what you were doing with a picture of the cooler.

"Reina, go back inside. The weather is crazy hot, and we're almost done. You can leave the cooler."

"You sure?" You ask, leaving your phone. "I can wait."

"Do me a favor, this are notes about today's training, take them to my office and you can go do some other thing."

You nod, leaving the little cooler there and asking him to take care of it, saying you will be back for it.

You walked back to the office. You still have your dad's card from the first day so you can enter every place.

You wanted to stay inside and relax in the air conditioner but you wanted to do a nice job as you were charged.

You go back to the field to collect the cooler and take it to its place. Stealing a Gatorade for yourself while you walk back inside.

"That would be five euros, or do you have a discount?"

You turn to find Pedri smiling. He has a prime bottle in his hands. You smile back, sipping on your drink again.

"It's the payment for our job." You say, sassy teasing tone.

"I thought interns didn't get paid."

"We don't?" You ask, confused. "Well, that's sad."

You pout at the thought of it. He finds that funny because he thought the first thing they told the interns is that they're not getting paid.

"So I own you seven." He jokes.

"Make it twenty, I have to make a living." You shrug smiling. Thing that makes him smile back.

"Twenty and a talk? Or those come with an extra charge." The tone of his voice and the way he's closer than before got you thinking not so good things.

You were about to answer, but a voice calling your name from behind makes you turn back.

"How was your first day?" Martina asks. "Pedri, hola."

"Hola, I was returning the bottle and saying a little thank you for helping with the water today, especially with this weather."

"Super hot." Martina laughs. "So good you had a nice day. Let me help you with the little cooler, and you can follow me."

"Sure," you whisper to her. Turning back to the black hair boy. "See you around." You wave your hand goodbye, following Martina.

She guides you to a room with three other people, all boys. They were seated around a little table talking.

"Hey boys, this is Y/n." She introduces you, you smile waving at them. "She's new, just came and she's our new water girl."

"Hey, that's my job," a blonde guy jokes. "I'm Marcus. This is Pablo, and this is Carlos."

"Hi, nice to meet you all. Sorry about the job, by the way."

"Please explain to her the time slip and Marcus, don't worry, I'll find you a new thing to do."

She left, saying her goodbyes. You stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do know.

"Take a sit, we were chatting about the next game." Carlos pat the chair next to him. "Are you a barca fan or just here for the experience?"

"Here for the experience." You say. "Are you barca fans?"

"Carlos is a Madrid fan but don't tell anybody."

"I'm not, I just said I like Ronaldo more than Messi."

They kept doing jokes about football, you check the time slip on the wall, to your surprise you are on it.

Most of the "soft training" was assigned to you, only two days for the "regular training" that was with the whole team.

"Hey, new girl."

"Si?"

"We have a fifteen minute break. We usually sneak in the kitchen and stole some food."

"I'm in, let's go."

🪷🪷🪷

You helped with ordering the equipment for the first team, putting the cones in order and taking out the bands they used to exercise in duos.

You finished positioning the equipment, leaving the field as the players began walking upstairs.

"Hey, come here." Xavi calls you. You walk over to your dad slowly, noticing him getting impatient. "Can you hurry?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Can you go help your uncle at the gym?"

"Doing what?" You ask funny, "holding the weight while he works out?" You smirk.

"Don't be a smart-ass, reina." He tries not to laugh. "He's helping Pedri and Lewandowski. He needs help with something, I'm not sure."

You nod, walking downstairs and to the gym. After getting into the wrong place for the second time, you knew you had to ask someone.

"Are you lost?" Pedri asks.

You smile at the dark-haired boy in front of you. "Yes, this place is too big."

"Trust me, we all got lost the first week." He laughs at the thought. "Where are you going?".

"The gym, Xavi assigned me to help Oscar."

He points the direction with his head. Making you walk side by side with him.

"Oye, don't think I forgot you own me fifty." You joke. Hitting his shoulder with yours.

"Why is the price increasing by the hour?"

"Why not?" You laugh with him. "But don't worry, after the fifty the talk is free."

"It better be," He jokes back. "Well, here we are."

You walk over to your uncle, asking him how can you help him. He instructed you to help him take time and to write down the weight the players are lifting.

You sat in a machine with a notepad and a chronometer. You were timing every round to help with consistency in the training.

"Be nice with me, please," Pedri says, getting ready to start. "If I fail, you lie and say I'm the best, okay?"

"Don't," Robert interrupts. "If he sucks you can say it outloud. Please."

"Lewa, go away."

Between laughs and jokes of the two players, you finished the rest of the day, Robert and Pedri were easy to be around.

When they finished their work, you got sent back with the other interns, saying your goodbyes to them.

🪷🪷🪷

The three weeks of helping at the club were easy.

You helped the injured guys with the water.

You helped the social media team, and you did a lot of things.

Xavi was impressed that after the first week, you wanted to keep going. He was hoping you would beg him not to take you, but instead, you were waiting for him to go first thing in the morning.

"Y/n, you will be with the first team today. The boys are helping with a project, so you will be alone."

You nod, giving her a thumbs up.

"First time alone with the big team." Marcus says. "If you want advice, do what the Mister tells you. He kinda screams at everybody when the players won't do what he says."

"I'll be frustrated, too." You say, honestly. "I mean, half of them can't even create an opportunity, and when they got an assist, they won't even do anything."

"Yes, but I think Xavi plays a big role into that. Maybe the rumors about him leaving aren't that bad after all."

You shut your mouth, not wanting to say something offensive to him. Your dad gave his heart to the team during very bad times when they could barely afford the players.

"I'm going to the field."

"Don't get defensive," he laughs. "I mean, I get that as a cule you love the old players, but Xavi is a little bit out of date. Like go home, with your wife and your perfect kids."

"Do you ever shut up?" You ask, laughing to make the situation less tense. "Let's not talk about him when we don't even know what his home life is like, and maybe don't do this at work."

"Wow, you're so uptight."

You scuff, walking with the heavy cooler to the field.

When you make it to the stairs, you notice that maybe being alone wasn't that cool. You got to get the cooler upstairs on your own.

A cooler with more than twenty bottles of water on a very large set of stairs. Great idea.

"Do you need help, new girl?"

Raphinha and Fermin got closer. A few of the players behind them.

"Hola. Yes, thank you.

"Raph, grab that side." Fermin says, lifting the left side of the cooler. "Why do they even let you get here all by yourself?"

"I think they didn't think about this part." You shrug.

The two boys helped you. You stayed a little behind due to the social media team filming them doing it.

"Y/n!" Pedri says, grabbing your shoulders. "Hey, thank you for that show recommendation. My brother and I saw it last night, and now I can't wait to go home and see more of it."

You smile at his words. Two weeks back, you exchanged numbers. You were getting closer by the day so you trusted him.

"Well, Pedri." You say, funny tone. "Hello to you too, nice evening. I'm doing so great. Thank you for asking. How are you today?" You smile.

He blushed, he knows you're joking but still feels the blush spreading onto his face.

"I'm doing good." He answers, hands intertwine behind his back. Clearly nervous. "Thank you for asking."

You wanted to keep the conversation, but you two heard Xavi calling the players to warm up.

"Venga, let's go. If not, we're both getting in trouble, me for not hydrating the team and you for not warming up enough."

He liked the way you joke, how your face had the right expression for your feelings. He liked how you treated him like a normal person and not like the footballer.

"What are you doing this weekend?" He asked, making you stop halfway on the stairs. "We have the day off. So I thought that maybe we could go out. I know this place to eat thats amazing and I think you would like it."

You can't help the smile that's on your lips. You liked him, maybe more than you care to admit.

"Looks like now I have a plan." You turn around after that, walking the remaining stairs. Little did he know that you did that for him not to notice your red face. "See you this weekend." You whisper, loud enough for him to hear.

You can tell Pedri is happy. The way he kept looking at you and sending you smiles is something else.

"Hey" you feel someone pocke you in the ribs.

When you turn, you find Marcus. Honestly, he was the last person you wanted to see. After the way he insulted your father, you didn't even want to cross words with him.

"Hey, you guys done with the project?" You ask, eyes watching the other players.

"Yeah, Martina sent us to different places, and I was sent here." He sits at the edge of the cooler. You didn't move, not wanting to have him next to you. "So, the boys and I are doing something this weekend, we were thinking about going out for some food. Would you like to come?"

"I actually have plans, but have fun." You say, very dry tone. "And let's get up, they're almost done and I need to get them some water."

Marcus was that one guy that hits on you and gets offended when you don't even look at him. But he keeps trying, trying again, and trying again.

The other boys were fine, they joke with you, they share stories, they are teammates. Marcus was just not it for you.

"I can help you with that, let me do it." He says, pulling the cooler to the middle of the field without waiting for your answer.

Xavi waved at you to get your attention from one side of the field. You walked to him, eyes turning back to the field to find those brown eyes looking at you.

"Hola, papi." You say, smiling at him. "Do you want some water?"

"I'm fine, reina." He smiles back. "Hey, meet me in my office after practice. I need to talk to you."

You nod. Not thinking much of it. He always had this mysterious behavior about talks, and in the end, it was him asking you to make a reservation at some restaurant or asking you how to send a link to Oscar.

You walked back to the team, Marcus was chatting with Raphinha, leaving the cooler abandoned.

You can't help but exhale exasperated. He was acting like he was everyone's boss. The boys tolerated it, but you didn't have to.

"Oye! I forgot to give my bottle back." You heard, making you turn. "Sorry, I was chatting."

"It's okay, are you done?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask if you have more. I threw half at Pedri." He laughs.

You laugh with him, Ferran was so comic to you. He always messed with other players. Specifically with Pedri, to the point of them not being called out when he did something to him.

"I think we have some extras." You say, checking the cooler and handing him a new bottle. "Just don't shower anymore players."

Ferran was about to answer, but a very entitled Marcus walked by and rudely asked if he was finished.

"She's waiting for me, don't worry." He says in this particular tone that makes you smirk. Marcus just shrugs and leaves. Walking down the stairs. "Is he always like that?"

"Sometimes, I think he thinks that just because he named himself the boss he actually is."

"So we don't like him?" He asks, eyebrow lifted.

"We did, but I don't think we do anymore."

"We good then." He says, making this funny expression. "Thank you. By the way, what flowers are your favorites?"

You were taken aback by the question.

"I think I don't have a favorite set of flowers." You say, thinking about an answer. "I like lilies, but they're not my favorite tho"

"Okay, good to know." He nods. "I have to get back, thanks for the water." He hands you the bottle and runs to where Pedri is.

You can't help the little smile that creeps your face. He was bringing you flowers.

You spend the rest of the training with your eyes sticked to him. The little smiles he sends you and the way Ferran notices and mock him.

When you finish with them, you decide to walk to the little room the club gives to interns. You feel the effects of the new weather coming.

"Why are you here alone?" Marcus asked you. "If you don't have anything to do, I can find something for you to do."

"No need, I have to help Misted Xavi with something." You close your little locker, trying to walk out of the room.

He grabs your arm, stopping you from walking out. "I was thinking, maybe we can hang out some time."

You kindly removed his hand from your arm, smiling so you don't seem rude. "I'm going to be honest with you." You sigh, knowing this was going to be uncomfortable. "I'm not interested. You're not my type. And no, I don't want to create a friendship with you."

The way the smirk he had is now erased from his face, making you want to laugh. Not to be mean, but he was that kind of dude that believed he was above everyone and everything.

Walking out and to your fathers' office, happy about finally letting your feelings out about the whole Marcus situation.

"Well, hello, Mister Xavi." You say, opening the door. Oscar and him are sitting on the couch of his office, Xavi with his head on his hands. "What's wrong?"

They look at each other, but Oscar decided to speak. "Nothing, we wanted to tell you that you can go home early."

You narrow your eyes, that was not something your father was used to do, having a free day? An early out? Noup.

"Papi, are you okay?" you ask, just to make sure you're good to actually go.

"Si, go before I change my mind." he half smiles. "and pick some milk on your way home". He throws the car keys on your way.

"Yes sir, see you later."

You walk fast to your locker, happy that you can leave early. You tell two of the boys that you were let go for the day and said your goodbye to Martina.

You were too busy on your phone to notice Carlos getting something inside his car trunk.

You open the car, sliding into the seat and picking a Playlist. Three bangs on the glass made you let your phone go.

You pull the window down, finding a very smiley Carlos. "Is the Uber available?"

You smile, hand on your chest to calm your heart. "Hola, what do you mean uber? You gave me a ride to the mall the other day." You joke with him.

He became your friend, he was funny and very respectful. He even shares his snacks with you. "Dude, I love your car." He takes a look at the car. "Can I drive it?"

You laugh, knowing you barely even drive it because your dad takes care of it more than he takes care of you.

"Maybe later, I have to go. I got let go."

"You got fired?" He asks, not understanding what you meant.

"No, I mean, I'm going home early. Don't throw me out just yet." You laugh. "Have fun, and don't listen to Marcus."

"I won't, drive safe." He waves as he walks away.

🪷🪷🪷

"Should I wear this or this?" You ask Nuria. She was helping you with your hair. "Or maybe another color?"

She laughs, noticing how nervous you are. "Can you calm down? You will look beautiful and this mystery guy will fall on his knees." She pats your shoulders.

"I just haven't had a date in so long. I'm rusty." You joke, changing your outfit in the closet while she organized your hair tools. "Okay, opinions." You say showing her your full outfit.

She takes your hand, making you turn. "Hermosa." She hugs you. "Maybe to make it a little casual some white sneakers?" She suggests.

You agree with her. Talking while putting your shoes on. You take a last look on your makeup and hair.

"Can you tell me who the guy is? That way, I won't be nervous about you out with a stanger." She smiles, passing you your jacket. "Or can you share your location with me? I won't tell."

"I'll share the location." You say, grabbing your phone to do it. "Plus, I'm taking your car, so if the date goes downhill, I'll come back."

"Take care, and please call me if anything. Also, don't hesitate to use the pepper spray I bought you. And have fun." She rambles, making you laugh.

You sent her a kiss as you walked out the door. You texted Pedri that you were on your way, and he texted back saying he was almost there.

You were nervous about the date, not because of Pedri but because you were scared of messing up. Plus, he didn't know who you really are.

You park, walking to the host and telling her Pedri's second last name, he uses that name yo avoid people finding he's there. Even tho you'll only need to know the barca team and recognize him.

"Hola." You say, hands on his shoulders. He jumped a little. "Sorry, didn't meant to scare you."

"You didn't, hola." He hugs you, turning to grab the bouquet of flowers. "This is for you. Hope you like them."

Lilies.

Just like you told Ferran.

"Thank you, this is so cute." You smile. When you grab the back of the chair to move it. He does it for you. "Gracias, Pedri." You smile at him.

"You look preciosa." He thinks outloud. When he notice the blush on your cheeks and how you are avoiding his gaze. It's when he notice he said that and not only thought it.

"I like your hair today, I like it when you don't blow dry it." You joke with him.

You two joke a little, ordering some food. He recommended you a dish a d a drink, you let him do the ordering.

"This is so good."

"I knew you would like it." He smiles. "How is your dish?"

"Delicious, want a bite?" You ask, and before he could answer you, you grab some of it with your fork. "Open your mouth."

"Fuaa." He says, head thrown back. "That's great. Taste mine."

He repeats your action, feeding you with his food for you to taste it. "Yummy." You smile.

You two talk a about your hobbies, your music taste. Random things you would talk about, nothing crazy.

"And my parents have a restaurant, so mom cooked the croquettes for me all the time." He tells you the story of his favorite food. "And now I miss it cause I want it but I can't have it like I used to."

"I never had croquettes in my life." You confess. "I like seafood. In Brazil, I used to eat a lot of shrimp and fish. Loveeeee fish."

"Why did you come back?" He asks. "Or are you from there?"

"I was born here, actually." You began the story. "But my parents separated when I was seven, and my mom took us to Brazil two years later."

"So you spent most of your life in Brazil?"

"It's complicated. My dad and mom got into a custody battle, and I was with her from nine to fifteen. Then I was forced to come back but only for a few months cause I was sent to a boarding school in Switzerland."

"And how did you end as a intern imfor Barça?"

"My dad forced me. He was teaching me a lesson. And he knows Martina, so it was easy."

"Oh." He says. He was speechless at how crazy your life sounds. "If I can say something, I'm glad you are here."

You smile, "Thank you, I'm happy I'm back, and I'm happy to be here with you."

It's his time to blush. He really likes you. Without Ferran's encouragement, he would have never asked you out. He was nervous and awkward about it.

"Do you want dessert?" He asks, noticing you finish your drink. "Other drink?"

"You want me full tonight, sir." You laugh, making him laugh. "I'll have some if you do."

"You are making me break my diet." He laughs. "Fine, let's get those desserts."

The rest of the dinner was fine. You two had fun talking and telling stories of things that happened to you as kids.

"Are you sure you don't want to split the bill?" You ask one more time.

"Not at all, it's on me, you did your part whe you got pretty for this." He smiles.

The blush that creeps into your cheeks is crazy. You can feel your whole face burning up from the feeling.

"Did you drive here?"

"Yes, don't worry. Thank you very much for this." You hug him. "Can we do this again? I really want to see you again."

He's taken aback from your honesty. He likes that. "Si, I want that too." He smiles. "Do you like going to the movies?"

"Love doing that."

"Want to go to the movies to see this new Ryan Gosling movie?" He walks you to your car.

"Si, text me the details." You hug him again. "Popcorn is on me," you say, kissing his cheek. You enter your car. He was kinda petrifie. Hee wanted to react. "Pedri," you call him.

He comes back to the real world. "Si, bonita?"

"Tell me when you are home." You say, pulling up your window.

He waited to be in his car to freak out about how you kissed his cheek and how you asked him on a second date.

He drives home happy, ready to call Ferran and tell him all about it. How you liked the lilies, how you enjoyed food, and how you even have a second date.

When you got home, Nuria and you went to your room and you told her everything, showed her your bouquet of flowers and even told her that you have a second date with him.

🪷🪷🪷

Your situationship with Pedri was better than you expected. It's been an ongoing this for a few months now. It's the perfect time to get to know him and for him to get to know you.

You two meet up after club hours. You even began going to some of the games to support him.

As a joke, Ferran gave you a shirt with his number. Making you and Pedri laugh. You use it because it makes Pedri smile every time he watches you there, knowing you follow Ferran and his crazy idea.

Carlos knows about you and Pedri. He's your friend, you trusted him with the information and he asked you in exchange a bag of gummy bears to not tell.

He wears Pedris number for you. And he became friends with Pedri and Ferran. You four are like a nice group.

You were organizing the water closet with Carlos. Talking about music and about this new show that he's seeing.

"And this girl, she's the starting." He explains. "She has a secret romance with one of the higher-ups. Just like you." He pokes you.

"Want me to give you a speaker so you can say it louder?" You hit his arm lightly.

"Are you going on a date with him tonight?"

"I am. We are going to watch something, probably."

"If you watch the movie I recommend you. Please do a review without spoilers for me tomorrow." He says, passing you a bottle of Gatorade.

Marcus was hearing the conversation. Martina sent him to grab you for a quick meeting. But he couldn't help but hear your conversation.

"Are you coming to the game this weekend?" You ask. "He wants me here, and I don't want to be alone."

"Are you getting me popcorn?"

"Yes." You say, laughing and rolling your eyes. "I dont know if I'm nervous because this game can get us La Liga or because his family may be there."

"Maybe both?"

"Si, maybe both." You say, finishing with the work. "We are done."

Marcus hears this and walks like he just got there.

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt. Martina wants us to have a quick meeting." He smiles. "I thought you were organizing the equipment."

"No, we are here today." Carlos answers. "Let's go."

Marcus was curious. Who was the person you were "dating." Probably someone married if you are talking about his family being there.

After the meeting, you got a text from your dad, asking you to come to his office to talk about something.

"Hola pare, em necessitaves?" (Hi dad, did you need me?) You speak to him in catalan.

"Hola, Reina." He hugs you. "How's work?"

"Good, I restocked the water closet. We have fresh water bottles. And I had a meeting about a thing Martina wants us to do."

"Great, that's fine."

You squinted your eyes. He was up to something. "Dad, anything you want to ask me or tell me?"

He rolls his eyes. "Can't a father make conversation with his firstborn?"

"Xavier?"

"Promise me you won't be mad at Asia."

You know what is coming. You heavily exhale. "Go on."

"A little bird, named Asia. Told me you are dating someone."

"Dad, this is work." You laugh. "Plus, I'm not."

You were honest, Pedri, and you weren't dating. You were acquaintances who happened to enjoy each others company.

"Okay." He laughs. "We can play the we are at work thing."

You don't notice how the door is open, thinking everybody is doing something more important than walking around.

But Marcus wasn't. He was walking around trying to find Oscar to talk to him about being able to go to the game for free as a part of the club workers. But when he heard your voice and Xavi's, he stayed.

"I wanted to tell you this when we were at dinner, but I feel like I can do it. I'm going to the game." You tell him.

Your dad loves it when you come to his games. It makes him think of you as a little girl wearing his jersey.

"Nuria and the kids are coming too."

"The kids too?" You ask, confused. "Don't they have to go with their grandparents?"

Marcus raises his eyebrows. His wife and kids are coming. You and him will have dinner together.

Then it clicks, you were talking about Xavi. And Carlos knew about you and him.

"Anyways, I have to go." You say, getting up and walking to his mini fridge. "I'm taking one of your special drinks. After all, I earn it."

You two laugh, you hug your father. "Back to work. I don't want my father to find out I'm not working." You joke.

"I'm sure he won't mind. You are with the Mister, he will understand."

"Yeah, you don't know him." You tease him. "But you'll like him, maybe we can arrange a meeting, sir."

"Go to work, reina." He laughs, shaking his head while he does it.

Marcus hides in an office, waiting a few minutes before going out. He was mind blowned, you were having something with Xavi.

He walks back to the comune corridors. Not paying attention to his surroundings, the only thing in his mind was this new information.

For you, it was all flowers, dreams, happy days.

You get to see the person you like every day, you get to spend at least a little bit of time with him.

"Stop, you need to train." You say to pedri, who's too busy kissing you and hugging you. "Pepi, stop it." You giggle.

"Why?" He pouts. "One more, and I'm leaving."

"No, guapo." You try to push him. But he brings you back to him. "You are going to be late." You say.

He grabs your cheeks, kissing you goodbye. You hug his body. Loving the way this feels. The way his lips dance with yours and the way your tongues mix just makes sense.

When he separates to take air, you place your hand on top of his mouth. Blocking him from kissing you again.

"You have to go." You whisper breathlessly. "The Mister will be mad at you."

He kisses the top of your forehead. Eying the clock on the wall. He really needs to go. "I'll see you tonight?" You nod, still catching your breath. "Okay, I'll see you then" He kiss your cheek and pulls away.

You wait a few minutes before coming out of where you two were hiding. Walking to the interns room.

Marcus was there. He eyed you from head to toes. "Hello." You say. He only smiled. He still had a bone to pick with you from the way you rejected him.

"So, are you coming to the game?" He asks.

"Yeah, I got tickets. Are you?"

"Don't know, still deciding."

You nod, not wanting to keep the conversation. You walk over and find Carlos waiting with the coolers with you.

"Can you be more late?" He plays with you.

"Shut up and work bitch." You joke.

"Hmmm." He shakes his head. "Says the one who was tonguing her boyfriend on the janitors closet."

"I hate you." You side eye him. He laughs and walks away with a cooler. "And he's not my boyfriend." You whisper to him as you enter the field.

"Okay." He pauses, thinking. "Your fuck buddy?"

"He's not my-" You hit his arm. "He's not my fuck buddy." You whisper.

"So you haven't fuck him?"

You blush at the question. You did sleep with him, but he wasn't your fuck buddy or anything like that.

"So you did fuck him." Carlos laughed. "If he is not your boyfriend then you are fuck buddies until he asks you out formally."

You stayed quiet for the duration of the training. Until it was time to offer the guys some water. Carlos was right. He wasn't your boyfriend, but you were having sex and doing things couples do.

"Let's go."

You walk over to the guys with the vest. It was easy that way, since they all stayed together to plan a strategy.

You are thinking still. They players are grabbing their waters and talking to themselves. You turn your head to the other part of the team.

Pedri was looking at you, you smile at him. Ferran sees this and decides to tease him. The others think it is just him playing, but it was more than that.

"Distracted much?" Raphinha asks, smiling at you. "You okay?"

You nod. "Just thinking." You say honestly.

"Don't tire your mind." Lewandowski says.

"Easy for you to say, you can take your thoughts away by playing."

"A piece of advice, if it can be solved then you don't have to worry about it. Think about how you are going to solve it and do it."

"And if it doesn't have a solution?" You ask Lewa.

"Then don't think about it." He smiles again. "If you can fix it, learn from it and move on."

You nod, thanking him for the advice. "More water before I go?" You ask, hearing Oscar blow the whistle.

"Noup." He throws the bottle back into the cooler.

You go on with the day, not thinking much of the situation. It has a solution, and you can resolve it.

You sit next to your dad for dinner. Texting pedri carefully that as soon as dinner is over, you will meet him up.

"I can't wait to see you at the game. I have a good feeling about it."

You smile, letting him and Nuria do the talking. You eat some pieces of your food, feeling nauseous and tired.

"What's going on with you?" Xavi asks. "You are not the type to leave food."

Before you answer, Asia decides to intervene. "She has the love syndrome."

Both Asia and Dan decide to make kiss noises and throw jokes at you about your love life.

"Stop it, kids." Nuria laughs. "Are you okay?"

"Si." You nod. "Just tired. Maybe I'm coming with a cold." You lie.

"Then take a seat next to the dog because I don't want to get a cold too." You dad jokes. Getting up to take his plate to the sink.

You roll your eyes. "Can I use your car? I want to visit Karlie." You lie again.

"No drinking and driving." He says, stern tone. "Please don't come back at like three in the morning." He throws the keys at you.

You nod, taking your plate to the sink and going upstairs to brush your teeth. You fix your hair before going back down. "Bye, I'll be here in a bit."

You arrive at his house. You two meet up there because you haven't revealed that your father is Xavi Hernández.

He kisses you hello and takes you to his room. He has some candy and Amazon Prime open for you to pick any movie you want.

The movie goes unnoticed by you. The words of Carlos and Lewandowski are taking all your mind. You grab the controller, pausing the movie.

"What are we?" You ask, very straightforward.

Pedri chokes on his gummy bear. "Qué?"

"What are we?" You repeat. Louder this time.

He's trying to think about what to say. He doesn't even know what you two are. You have no labels.

"Are we just fuck-buddies?" You ask.

"No." He quickly answers. "You are more than just that." He says.

"What more?"

He tries to find the right words. He doesn't want you to feel scared if he confesses all his feelings for you.

And he also doesn't want to run when maybe you want to walk. He wants to make you feel comfortable.

"I want us to be more than just friends." He says.

"We are." You say, serious tone. "We fuck, we kiss, we cuddle in bed while we watch a movie, you introduce me to your brother."

"Listen, Y/n." He sits. "I want more than that. I just thought that maybe you would be more comfortable like that."

"Why?"

"Huh?" He's confused. What do you mean why?

"Why did you think that?"

"I'm a footballer." He spat. "And to be honest, a Google search will show you that the media thinks I'm a fucking womanizer. Girls here and there when, in reality, I don't even go out to get groceries."

You smirk at that. He was a very home orienteded guy. "I don't believe in rumors, I believe you."

"And I'm happy about it." He grabs your hand and kisses it. "I like you a lot. You are not just someone I have sex with and then leave. I do want more."

You grab his face, kissing him. You wanted more than just friendship too. You wanted to move forward with the relationship.

"Ask me then." You smile.

He laughs, if there's something he loves about you is how straightforward you are. You are not afraid of saying anything.

"Y/n, preciosa mía." His arms hug your waist. "Will you honor me by letting me be your boyfriend?" He smiles, eyes shining.

You smile too, watching every detail about his face, the way his smile is reaching his eyes, the way his hair looks, the way he smells.

"Let me think about it." You joke, making him pull you down to the bed with him.

"Preciosa, venga, no bromees." He kiss you.

"I will honor you." You say, smiling like crazy. "I really like you too, and I'm happy right now." You laugh, grabbing his cheeks and kissing him.

You two spend the rest of the movie like that, kissing here and there, paying more attention to each other than to the movie.

"Wear my jersey to the game." He requests. "I want my girlfriend to wear my number on her back. It will be like a motivation."

You nod, smiling at him. You were planning on wearing it anyway. You wanted him to notice how much support he has on you.

You checked the time, it was past midnight. "I have to go. My dad will be pissed if I don't."

"No." He hugs you, getting on top of you. "Stay here."

You laugh. "Pepi, if I don't get home as soon as possible, I don't think I'll be allowed to go to the game anymore."

He sighs, kissing you quickly before letting go. He walks with you to your car. "Call me when you are home and drive safe."

"I always do." You say cocky, making him smile. His head gets in the car for him to be able to kiss you. "Adiós."

🪷🪷🪷

The game wasn't as good as you expected. The team lost, and with the loss, they gave Real Madrid the Liga trophy. Now there's only hopes for the second place.

Xavi was mad, you can tell by the look on his face and how he stormed out to the dressing room.

You knew this was a bad moment to the players. They all look sad and stressed. But you can't blame Xavi. They don't even work as a team anymore.

Carlos and you walk into the tunnel. You had access to those areas due to the security guys recognizing you from working there.

You wanted to wait to at least talk to Pedri, check if he's fine in person, and not over text. "I'll wait here. If you want to you can go."

"Okay, see you tomorrow then." You kiss his cheek goodbye.

You sat in one of the benches at the corridor. Checking your phone to see what people are saying on X.

You feel angry at how people blame your father. He wishes to be able to go into the field and play for them but he can't.

After all, he was a barça legend, and they are just teenagers and adults acting like five years old who can't make a team with the others.

Goundogan and Araujo fighting. Ter Stegen is saying Xavi doesn't need to call out players after losing a game. It was a shit show.

You heard the dressing room opening. Your father walks mad, his belongings in hand. You stand up and try to talk with him.

"Not right now." He says, deep mad voice.

You only nodded, taking a seat at the bench again. You want to do more, but you can't even begin expressing how much you this situation hurts you.

Some of the players began leaving. Some waving goodbye to you. Thinking you are there as a job and not just to watch the match.

Ferran walks out, head low and earphones in. You grab his shoulder. "Hey." You say even tho he can't hear you.

He takes his earphones out to greet you. "Hey." He sighs. "What a shit show, isn't it?" He laughs.

"It's okay, it's just a bad moment." You hug him and say goodbye to him.

"Pedri is inside, he's taking a shower."

You text him telling him that you were waiting for him. You walk to the interns room to pick something from your locker.

After all, that was one of the only rooms that didn't have a lock. You walk and see Marcus and Raphinha talking.

They both look at you, but Raphinha's gaze was a weird one. You can't pick it. Maybe it was his humor after the lost.

"I just want something from my locker." You walk quick and open it. "Sorry about the lost, Raph." You say, pulling the item and closing the locker door. "Bye."

Pedri texted you to meet him at the parking lot. He was out of the dressing room and walking over there.

You do as he told you. Meeting him there. He was inside his car, doing something on his phone.

You knock on his window. He opens the passenger seat door for you. "Hola." You whisper, not sure how to approach him.

"Xavi told us he's leaving." He confess. "And my family couldn't come."

"Pepi." You sigh. Hugging him and kissing his cheek. "I'm so sorry about today. If it makes you feel better, I think you played better than anyone else." You kiss his nose. Making him smile.

"Thank you for being here." He poses his head on your shoulder. "Want to go get something to eat? I feel like having something bad." He laughs.

"Whatever you want, guapo." You kiss him. Hands squishing his cheeks. "Let's go."

Yourusername has added to her story

"I feel like this season is just too much for us." He says, eating his fries. "We are falling apart."

"The whole Ronald and Gundo thing is just dumb, I will take Gundo's advice. He was in ManCity and they are champions."

"But I can't blame him. Maybe the delivery wasn't the best." He says, thinking about the situation. "And I think Xavi and Oscar weren't doing their best."

"What are they doing wrong?" You ask curious. He was one of the few playes that did what Xavi and Oscar asked him to do. "I mean for what I see at the training, he is giving instruction, explaining how to create opportunities and then at the game Lewandowski and Raphinha do the opposite."

Pedri wasn't surprised at your football talk, he find it amazing when you first gave him advice, and now he asks for feedback.

"You have the most assists this season of La Liga, and the majority of those were lost opportunities. At this point, the only thing that can save you guys is if Oscar and Xavi get in the field with you during the games."

"Bueno, if you put it like that, then yes." He scratched his head. "That water job of yours is giving you too much to fight me for." He laughs

"It's not my fault I can take the instructions better than your teammates." You laugh back. "But I know Xavi thinks you are one of the best elements of the team." You say, head over his shoulder.

You weren't lying. Your father was happy with him, maybe wanting to correct little things, but seeing the big picture, he was the perfect successor of Andres."

"I'll believe you." He kisses you. "Want me to drop you home?" He says, finishing his meal.

"My stepmother will pick me up from your home, she's just a few blocks away."

You still have to tell Pedri about your dad. When he told you that Xavi announced the possibility of leaving, you already knew.

He talked about it with Nuria and your siblings. Letting you know before anyone else, LaPorta, the players, the press.

"Why do I feel like you don't want me to know where you live?" He asks, curious about why his house was the only place you two meet.

"I do, it's just complicated."

"You dad doesn't know we are together?"

"He knows I'm with someone, but right now, he's dealing with work issues." You didn't lie. He was. Pedri knows but he doesn't know he knows.

"Okay, I trust you." He says, resting his hand on your thigh.

You texted Nuria, letting her know that you will be at his place in about five minutes, for her to pick you up.

Just like Pedri, Nuria didn't know the reality of your relationship. She thinks he is someone you met around, maybe at a party. Not a player from your father's team.

When you get the text saying she's outside, you stand up, ready to leave. "She's here, adiós, guapo."

But he has other plans. He stood up, grabbed your wrist and walked to the door with you.

"I want to say hi." He says. Walking hand in hand with you, happy to be able to meet someone from your life.

You stop, he will recognize Nuria if he sees her. "Pedri, no." You pull him to you before he reaches the door. "My stepmother is kinda delicate."

"Y/n, be honest." He frowns. "Tell me if you don't want me to meet your family. You know my brother and I want you to know my parents."

You think for a moment, you do want him to meet Nuria and your father. Not like his trainer, just as your father.

"The thing is, I'm planning a dinner with my family and you. And I want it to be perfect and for you to meet them calmly and not at the street."

"You promise is that?" He pouts.

"Let's do this. You have three days off for the next match that is on Friday. Let's do the dinner on Saturday so you don't stress about the game. Deal?"

He smiles, nodding excited about the idea. "Deal." He says, hugging you. "I was so scared of you being embarrassed of me or something."

"What?" You laugh. "Eres tan tonto, it's not that. You know that now."

He nods. Kissing your lips. "Go, she will get mad from waiting."

You kiss him again. Telling him a quick goodbye. When you get to the car, Nuria is watching you all smiles.

"What?" You ask her.

"Nothing I just love seeing you so happy, I'm a fan." She laughs, making you laugh. "I need you to tell me when are we meeting him."

"You are lucky, I invite him on Saturday, so your job is to keep my dad happy." You joke.

"Well, I have all morning to make him feel less angry if the game goes downhill."

"Let's hope it doesn't." You beg.

🪷🪷🪷

You can't deny you will miss working at the club when the season is done. You learned to like the job and you have fun with the guys, even with Marcus.

"I'm going to miss organizing this and stealing Gatorade." Carlos says. Drinking the last bit of the drink.

"Can't you get one at the store?" You joke.

"It will not be free. Duh!"

"You want to know what else is free?" You ask. When he nods you get close to him. "Our labor here." You whisper.

He laughs so hard that some of the players that are walking past to the camp turn to see you. "I want to know the joke, tio." Sergi jokes. "Also, if you can pack a purple Gatorade, I'll really appreciate it."

You pass the training talking about random things. Pedri was looking at you from time to time.

He told you how a little anxious about meeting your family. You were too, you hoped he would understand your reasoning.

"I don't know how you two haven't been caught. He can't keep his eyes away from you." He says, noticing how the canary looks at you every five seconds. "But to be honest, when we first started every player was looking at you."

"Maybe that's why they don't allow female interns." You laugh.

You finish the training between jokes. The few last trainings were always the best. The vacation spirit was hitting the players.

You returned both coolers. When you were about to leave, you saw Raphinha reclined into the doorfr. "Hello to you too, kitty girl."

"Hola." You say. "Do you want something?"

"Can't a man just get a talk?" He jokes.

You nod. "How are you?"

"I can be better." He walks closer, maybe a little too much for your liking. "I want to ask you something." When you don't answer, he decides to keep talking. "I got told a little story about you. And I'm interested in it."

You narrow your eyes, nodding your head to indicate him continue with the story.

"I know how hard it must be to work as hard as you do, with all this ahit show, organizing stupid bottles. Look, I don't blame you for what you do here. But someone as pretty as you can get better things from someone like me. No need to fuck old flesh for some cash." He says, posing his hands on your waist.

You push him away, "What the fuck are you even implying?" You have a stern tone. "Don't ever touch me again. You are disgusting."

"Such a prude now, huh?" He laughs. "We all know what you do. It's no secret. I'm just taking my chances to be the next one in line." He tries to get closer again. "I can fuck you better than him, let's be honest."

Your hand hurts from how hard you hit his cheek. Making his face turn. "Você é uma pessoa nojenta, fique longe de mim." (You are such a disgusting person, get away from me), you say, pushing him to get out of the room.

His hand grabs your arm. Pulling you back. "Você age como uma puritana, mas você é uma prostituta." (You act like a prude but you're a whore)

"You have a wife and a child." You remind him. "And you are here accusing me of something I don't even know about. You are disgusting."

"I'm not the one fucking someone from the club." He laughs. "You are."

"I held your son while Natalia, your wife, was using the bathroom. She was telling everybody how happy she was that she was visiting. And you act as if she's nothing. You dont deserve her." You say, taking his hands off of your body, "I'm telling you this only once. So you better listen. Don't mess with me because I'm not the one. You have no idea the kind of power I have. Stay away from me, or I'm telling everybody what you did."

He lifts his hands. Looking at you with a mad stare. You feel like crying, but you won't in front of him. "Move, deixe-me ir." (Let me go)

He moves to the side. You run, wanting to go home. You go to the interns room, searching for you things in your locker.

Your hands are shaking. You can't even get the key into the lock. Three knocks on the door got unnoticed by you.

"Hey, Y/n?" You heard Ferran's voice. "Are you okay?"

He walks over to you, and he places his hands on your arm and back, but you back up. "Don't touch me." You shout at him, moving away from his touch.

You don't mean to do it, but you can't even think straight. "It's okay, deep breaths." He says, hands motioning you to take a breath. "Yeah, that's it. Do it again." He says, he backs a little from where you are.

You take a few breaths, feeling yourself calming down. You hated the feeling of being uncappable of defending yourself.

"That's it." Ferran cheers you. "Here, I have a napkin on me. Don't ask." He hands you the napkin. You smile at his joke.

"I'm sorry for shouting." You say, voice shaking. "I just, I want to go home." You whisper, feeling the tears fill your eyes.

"Can I come closer and give you a hug?" He asks, you nod. He hugs you, one hand on your shoulders and the other on your head, pushing it against his chest. "I don't know what happened, but if you need a friend. I'm here."

You hug him back. You really needed a hug. "Gracias." You say, "Where did you get the napkin, tho?"

"I hide a cookie." He confess. That makes you laugh a little. "Hey, you laughed."

You separate from him. "Thank you, Ferran." You smile. He asked you for the key to the locker, opening the lock for you.

You grab your things. And he locked it again. "Do you need want to go? I can call you an Uber, I don't have my phone but it's in the dressing room. In my station."

You smile. Shaking your head. "I just need to find Martina and tell her I'm leaving." You say, walking to out of the door with him. "Hey, you wanted something. Can I help you before I leave?"

Ferran feels sad. You grow a friendship with him. You are someone very calm, and he can tell something might have happened for you to react the way you did.

"Don't be silly. Let's find Martina."

"It's okay, I know where she is. Thank you for helping me. I'll go by myself."

"You sure?"

You nod, giving him one last hug. "Bye."

You walk to the office where Martina is, she's always there with the social media manager. You knock to see if she was there.

"Come in."

You open the door, finding Raphinha talking with her. Both of them laughing and joking about something.

"Hey, is everything alright?" She asks when she sees your red face. "What happened?"

You lock eyes with Raphinha, he has a smirk, like if the situation was funny to him. You want to grab your bag and hit him.

"Si, I just want to know if I can leave early. I don't feel well and I want to go home."

"Oh honey, is there something I can help you with?"

"Si, can we help you?" He asks.

"It's just an allergy reaction, and I feel like I should probably rest a little." You lie, looking at Raphinha while doing it with a disgusted face.

"Go home and rest, if you want to, don't come tomorrow. I have those reactions, too, and it's the worst."

"Will do, thank you for understanding. Goodbye." You wave at her, walking outside the door, but you turn to say something."Oh, Raphinha."

"Si?"

"Lembre-se do que eu lhe disse. Fique longe de mim." (Remember what I told you. Stay away from me.) You smile. "Been practicing my Portuguese." You say to Martina, who smiles at you, not understanding anything you just said.

You went home, thankful that Nuria was out at an event, and you can cry in peace in your room. You turn your phone off, not wanting to deal with anything and just staying in bed until you have the strength to get up.

Ferran told Pedri what happened, the way he found you. He called you five times and texted you another few more. But nothing. You were mia.

He spent the rest of training worried about you. He wanted to know what happened for you to be crying and left early.

Once he's home, he can concentrate on anything, checking his phone every minute to see if the message was delivered.

That's when he remembered, you sent him over text your address for the dinner with your parents. Telling him that you did it because later on, you would forget.

He grabs his keys and drives over to your house. He didn't care if he looked imprudent. He needed to make sure you were okay.

"Y/n, are you sure you don't want to talk?" Nuria asks again. She can't help but wonder why your eyes were puffy and you were sad. "I won't tell."

"It's nothing." You answer. "I'm just taking a shower, just in time to eat dinner with you. Deal?"

"Okay, if you need me, I'm here." She hugs you. "I'm going to get some takeout, I feel like that will make you feel better."

You nod, thanking her and closing your bathroom door and taking a very hot shower. You needed that. You bring your alexa to the bathroom and ask her to play something while you shower.

Pedri was impatient, the traffic was making him bounce his knee. He wanted to be able to just drive over all these people.

He tries to call you one more time, with no answer. Your phone was still off. He wanted to know if you were okay. Just that.

"Y/n?" Asia asks, knocking on your door. "When mom returns, we will make your favorite brownies to make you feel better."

You smile, you know they want you to be okay no matter what happened. "Thank you, A. I'll help you. Just let me change, and I'll go to the kitchen."

You change into some bikers and a plain shirt. Or as you like to call it, your lazy outfit. You dry your hair, not wanting to deal with the freez later.

While your blow dryer is on and alexa is playing something in the bathroom. Xavi and Nuria got home.

"Marcela told me that it was an allergic reaction. That's what she said."

"I think there's more. Plus, she looks fine, not a single red mark on her face from allergies. Maybe talk to her later."

You finish with your hair. You wait for Nuria to be back or call you to go down. You charge your phone even though it's off.

You put your hair in a ponytail, completing the lazy look with your sleepers from a hotel that you went to a few years ago.

While you wait in your bed, Pedri drives into the community where you live, the security guy recognized him and asked for a photo.

He let him go past the gate since he was a known person. Thing that makes him laugh. He follows the gps to your street.

He parks in front of what he thinks is the right house. He walks over to the door and ring the doorbell.

"Xavi, please open the door. I'll go get the kids." Nuria says, walking upstairs.

Xavi walks to the door. When he opens it, he finds Pedri. "Pedri, tío. What are you doing here?"

Pedri is as confused as his trainer. He doesn't understand what happened and how he ended at Xavi's house.

"Hey, Mister. I think I got my gps confused. But it's nice to see you. Sorry about the press thing today. We were all confused and mad."

"It's okay, you guys worry too much about me." He laughs. "Venga, come inside." He moves for the midfielder to get in. "Are you hungry? We are about to eat."

"I don't mean to bother." He smiles. "I think when Lewandowski sent us the address to your home for lunch, it got overlapped with the one I was looking for."

"Happens to me all the time." He laughs, making Pedri laugh. "But you don't bother, honestly. Have some dinner with us."

Pedri agrees. He thinks this is a bad coincidence, but he will use it to maybe talk with Xavi before he leaves. Thank him for everything.

"Pedri, this is Nuria, my wife." He introduces him to his wife. "Nuria, this is Pedri. He's number eight. A good kid. I invited him over."

"Hola, that's so great. Please take a seat. Our kids will be with us in a moment."

"I'm sorry about coming without notice. I got the address wrong. I was looking for someone who lives in the same neighborhood."

The sound of children interrupts the talk. "Mom, did you get the brownie stuff?"

"Asia, come here, baby. This is Pedri. He is a football player at the club." The little girl waves.

"Do you work with dad?"

"I do." He smiles. "He's the best, you are lucky yo have such an amazing dad."

"He's cool." She says, looking at xavi. But he's not allowed to make brownies with us. He burns them."

"Are you making brownies?" Pedri asks. Trying to make conversation with her. "That's yummy."

"Yes, it's for my sister. She's feeling blue."

"That means you are a very nice sister. I have a brother named Fernando. When I'm blue, he hits me in the head." He makes the little girl laugh.

"My other two are somewhere in the house." Xavi explains. "Actually, how old are you?"

"I'm twenty-one."

"My oldest is twenty. Almost the same." He passes the plate to Pedri. "You probably recognize her. She's helping at the club."

"Really?" He asks, confused. "Didn't know that."

The laughs of a boy can be heard. Pedri is trying to remember if he knows who Xavi's daughter is.

"Reina, come here." Xavi says, waving you to come over.

You have your brother in your arms, laughing with him. "Yes, sir?" You ask, laughing.

Pedri feels how his body tenses at the sound of your voice. And you stop laughing once you see him sitting at the table.

"Pedri, this is Y/n and Dan. She works as an intern. She helped us with the water and stuff. "Y/n, I think you already know Pedri."

"I do." You say, putting your brother down, your eyes never leaving his. "Hi, Pedri."

"We know Pedri, he plays for barça." Dan says, making Pedri smile at him.

"Well, everybody got food. Let's sit down and eat." Nuria says, leaving the salad on the table. "Hey, you feeling better?"

You nod at her question. You wanted Pedri to find out about your dad but not like this. Not after the day you have.

"Y/n, take a seat." Asia asks

The only plate left was in the seat next to Pedri. You sit down, he looks at you. You are not sure what the emotions his eyes are showing are.

Xavi asks Pedri different things, talking about his family. He met Pedri's parents during one celebration at the club.

"So you two know each other?" Nuria asks Pedri and you.

You look over at him. "We do." You answer. You can see his smile. "When I got to the club, he was training after an injury, and I was assigned to be the water girl for that training." You smile.

"Yes, she was very shy and weird the first day." He laughs, making you laugh. "When she got moved to the whole team, the first times she just left the cooler and moved."

"I did not." You say. "Ferran and him were throwing water at each other." You say to Nuria. "I was scared of getting wet."

"I can admit I once used her as a shield." He laughs. "It was funny."

Nuria looks between you two. The way you smile at each other and they way you look at him.

The dinner went well. Pedri and Dan clicked in a way that any other guest at your house ever did. Asia invited him to make the brownies with you. Uninviting Nuria from the equation.

"Y/n, can you help me with something?" She calls you. You were searching for the ingredient.

"Si. Dan, please help me with the ingredients, okay baby?" You gave him the list of things.

Nuria and you walk into the laundry room. "Okay, confess." She says. Looking at you with narrowed eyes.

"What?" You asks, confused about what she's talking about. "Context, please?"

"I have a theory." She began. "Is that you are overly friendly with Pedri, and you are ten times more clingy and needy with your boyfriend. Or that we are going to see Pedri again at the dinner this Saturday, but not as the Barca Player but as your boyfriend."

You stayed quiet. Your silence was all she needed to confirm it. You just blush at how obvious you were.

"I also think it's important for you to know that he didn't know until today that Xavi is my dad."

"Y/n." She says, eyes widening. "How?"

"I asked Martina to omit the fact that my last name is Hernández because I wanted to just not be Xavi's daughter for once. I wanted to be me."

"I get it, believe me." She hugs you. "Oh my God, I'm so happy, you two look amazing together."

"You think dad would flip if I tell him that he is my boyfriend and that the job he got me to keep me occupied worked, but my occupation is not only being an intern but having a boyfriend?" You ramble a little.

"Why don't you tell him now?" She asks. "He's here. He likes him, and to be honest, I don't want to get all dressed up for something we already did but didn't know we were doing."

Nuria and you debate a little about the whole telling your dad thing. She encouraged you to tell him now that he is in a good mood.

"Hey." You say, walking back into the kitchen. "Can I talk to you? Nuria will help them." You guide them to your backyard. Seating on the couch you have there for parties. "I'm sorry I was gone all day, I just had a rough day and wanted to come home."

"Something happened?" He asks, worried. "You don't usually turn your phone off and walk out of the club."

"I don't want to talk about it, don't worry. I'm better now." You smile. "I'm sorry about not being fully honest with you." You say, referring to your family situation. "I honestly thought I was getting out of that job in two weeks, but I grew a like for it."

"And you stayed." He finish your sentence. "You tend to do toxic things. Have you noticed that?"

"Eres un tonto." You say. He opens his arms to you. You fall into them and snuggle your face on his shoulder. "Don't be mad?"

"Am not, I was shocked when your dad opened the door. I thought I was going crazy and that my car gps was failing." He chuckles. "Then I see you walking as he says you are his daughter, and all I'm thinking is now it makes sense why you know so much about football."

You laugh. "And all those things I told yo about him liking you more than the rest because you listen to him? You now can actually believe me."

He hugs you tight. He was so worried all day about you. "Ferran was worried. He didn't even bother me during training."

"You are welcome." You joke. "I was thinking, maybe we can use this opportunity to tell my dad about us."

"Don't you think it's enough off a surprise that I knocked on the door without an invitation?"

You were about to answer when a voice makes you turn. It was your dad on the balcony right above where you are.

"Creo que ya me lo han dicho sin decirme, chavales." (I think you told me without telling me, kids) he shakes his head. "Pedri, not only as your trainer but as the father of the girl you are apparently with. I think it's time to go home and rest for the game."

"Si, Mister." He shyly smiles. "Thank you for the food. See you tomorrow." He separates. "See you tomorrow, Guapa." He whispers as he walks back inside the house.

"Dad, that wasn't nice."

"Bring me a brownie when they are ready, we need to have a chat." He winks at you. Going back inside.

🪷🪷🪷

The game went amazing. They won second place on La Liga. It wasn't the worst, after all. Pedri scored two goals, giving a very nice almost end of the season.

"It was a good game." Carlos says. "I'm going to miss this so much."

"Me too, I like some of the players already, and I'm going to miss seeing you steal Gatorade for the gym."

"Shhh, I can't get caught." He jokes. You walk over to the interns room. "Wait, I'll go to the bathroom. Can you pick my stuff for me?"

You nod, opening your palm so he can give you his locker key. When he does, you walk to the room. You walk inside, grabbing your bag and Carlos things.

You text Pedri congratulations, and you tell him where you are. He asked you to wait for him there. Ferran and him will meet you there.

You heard the door slam closed. You turn and see Marcus. He has this smirk on his lips. "Hey, did you enjoy the game?" You ask, going back to your phone.

"I know what you are doing." He says, sitting at the table. "You can stop pretending."

"Qué?" You ask, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I heard you talking with Carlos, telling him about your date, how his family was going to be there. And then I saw you walking out of that shithole, after being with him."

"Okay?" You smirk. "Why is that your concern?"

You didn't mind if he saw you and Pedri sneaking out here and there. You weren't going to hide it. Season is about to finish, and you won't be back.

"So you admit it?" He asks loudly. "I mean not that you are hiding it. Look at that Miu Miu bag. A girl like would only dream about it."

You look down at your bag. Bag that was a gift from your grandparents. "Why are you so mad if I wear designer or if I date someone from the club?" You were about to walk out, not feeling like listening to his crap.

"Raphinha was right, you act like a fucking prude but in reality you are nothing but a slut."

You turn to him. Was that what Raphinha talked to you about when he attacked you? "What did you just say?"

"And now you are deaf." He laughs.

"Is this about me rejecting your invitation?" You ask mad. Was he doing all that because you told him he wasn't your type? "Marcus, this is fucked up. Did you even know what Raphinha did to me?"

"Whatever it was, he probably paid you enough to get something nice, huh?" He says, getting closer. "Did you enjoy it?"

You back off, trying to get away from you. "Don't don't even know what you are talking about."

"You rejected me but decided to fuck a forthy year old dude?"

You don't understand nothing at this point. What he thinks you are doing. "You are confusing things, I'm not doing any of that."

"You just admitted to do it." He yells. You back a little more. "A married guy with kids, fucking slut." He yells.

You feel like you were about to start crying from the anxiety this is giving you. "I didn't do that." You yell back.

The door opens up. A frowny Ferran and Pedri walk in. Seeing the scene and how you are almost cornered up.

"What is going on?" Ferran asks. "Are you okay, Y/n?"

Pedri doesn't even care about answering questions. He walks over to you and shields you with his body.

"Back off." He warns. "No sé quien carajos te crees pero no tienes ningún derecho a gritarle, imbecil." (I don't know who te fuck you think you are but you have no right to yell at her, asshole) he's the one getting closer now, doing the same he was doing to you.

"Obviously, you two are defending her." He laughs. "Did he sucked your dicks too?"

Pedri doesn't need to hear anything else. His fist impacts Marcus. Making him fall over. "I'm not going to let you talk about her at all. You watch your fucking mouth."

Ferran grabs you by the shoulders, taking you out of the room. You don't want Pedri to get in trouble.

"Can you make sure he doesn't punch him again?" You ask Ferran. "I don't want Pedri having repercussions because of him."

Ferran nods, going back inside. You can hear Pedri yelling at Marcus. He was mad and the adrenaline from the game was giving him the attitude.

He was a calm dude. It's not easy to pass him off, let alone get physical with him. But today was Marcus lucky day because Pedri was not taking any shit.

Ferran drags Pedri out of the room. Mad face softens when his eyes lay on you. "Guapa." He hugs you. "Are you okay?"

"I am. Thank you for saving me." You kiss his collarbone. "I'm so confused about why he was yelling at me."

"He won't even dare to even come back after the break. And if he does, Ferran promised him that he would run him over."

You smile. Extending your hand to where Ferran is. He grabs your hand, and you pull him to the hug between Pedri and you.

Carlos, who is just coming back from the bathroom and sees that scene, joins without saying much.

"Why are we hugging?" He asks after a few. Making Pedri, Ferran and you laugh.

🪷🪷🪷

"Two goals, baby." You say, hugging you very sweaty boyfriend. "You did amazing. I'm so proud."

He smiles like crazy, his first goals with the national team, and you surprised him by coming to see his game.

"I played too." Ferran says, watching you and Pedro hug.

Pedro scuff. "Maybe get a girlfriend, capullo."

"Excuse me? Y/n, let me tell you that without me insisting that he asked you out, you wouldn't even be here right now." He leaves, pretending to be mad.

You laugh when you notice Pedri blushing at Ferrans confession. "Well, let's thank him." You say, kissing his lips.

"We can also thank a very straightforward girl who asked me what was the status of our relationship when we were cuddling in bed and watching a movie."

"A smart mind, in my opinion."

You two walk over to the interview side. Since he scored two goals, some news channels wanted him to give the exclusive after the game.

"I'm very proud, I can't wait for Germany." He says to the camera.

"How is your support circle? Will you have your family and friends at maybe one of the games?"

"I have amazing support, my parents, my brother, my girlfriend, my friends, and the fans who always motivate me to be better."

"Girlfriend? Wow, lucky girl. Imagine that the start of today is your boyfriend." The interviewer laughed.

Pedri locks his eyes with you. "Actually, I'm the lucky one." He says.

[bonefall]

Not sure if this is the place to ask or if I should go to Bonebabble, but ooh, Dungeon Meshi mention! I love what you said about low-empathy and apathy, I think I’ll use that in ny own characters.

I wanted to ask why you think Shuro is autistic. I’ve seen a lot of people say it so there must be a reason why, but I don’t think it’s really obvious to me? Like with Laios, autism/neurodivergence is so integral to his story, so it’s deeply obvious. I love the way he’s written! But we don’t see a lot of Shuro, so I’d like to hear more of why people see the tism in him.

@bonebabbles is the better place to send these in the future but it's chill! The vibe right now's loose since we're all coming down from the heaviness of Mooncourse lmao

Honestly, I feel a little 'tism in a lot of the cast of Dungeon Meshi. As a very autistic writer myself, it kind of has a vibe like it was written by someone who's autistic and so it gets peppered into all of her characters. It's something I notice a lot in my own art, too.

But like, when it comes to Toshiro... I can't stop thinking about him. He makes me want to chew the furniture. With every passing day I become less normal about him.

glossary because I had a lot of thoughts about Toshiro Dungeon Meshi i guess. Oh my god this got long

He reminds me of some people I know

His culture clash is very relatable to me in an autistic way

He has a rigid commitment to his values and morals

Miscellaneous Autism Moments

THE LAIOS FIGHT

in conclusion

He reminds me of some people I know

He reminds me of certain autistic men I've met from affluent families. The type who both is taught to repress and mask their own traits, yet also not to be incredibly mindful of the emotions of other people. Because of their status, they don't have to learn how to work out interpersonal conflict because the majority of the people around them are servants or family. People who would never go away if they didn't like you.

So, his vassals have to learn to talk to him and how to carry out his orders. Not the other way around. As a result, Toshiro has a bit of unearned confidence about his leadership abilities and communication skills. NOT in a way that is smug, DO NOT misunderstand me; just in a way that overestimates his own judgement. Maybe he has encyclopedic knowledge for talking to other nobles offscreen, but when it came to his own team, he was ignoring a lot of the good advice they gave him about taking breaks.

Yes, Toshiro is from a high-context culture-- but his communication issues are bad with everyone.

ESPECIALLY his vassals, people he calls family, from the same exact culture as him. They're worried about him, most of them are desperate for acknowledgement, they'd do anything for him, and he doesn't address this until AFTER his brawl with Laios!

His culture clash is very relatable to me in an autistic way

Toshiro knew he was going somewhere that was going to be a melting pot of mostly western cultures. He knew the manners were going to be different, and he came alone, not in a group where he was only interacting with his own people.

Yet he NEVER adjusted his own social behavior.

I'm American and my partner is British. When I first went, I had no idea why they were offering me so much tea. I thought I was being polite by following them into the kitchen, thinking they wanted to move the conversation over there. My partner quickly fixed this by explaining that when someone offers you tea, they're taking a short pause in the lull of a conversation to be a good host.

I am autistic. What someone else might have just figured out through getting an awkward look, I had to be told directly. There are a lot of little things like that.

Toshiro feels like what would happen if the opposite was happening, an autistic person from a high-context culture coming to a low-context culture. He can't properly express discomfort. It's not JUST Laios, King of Autism, that he's having issues talking to. Neither Marcille nor Chilchuck know that "Shuro" is a mispronunciation, and they had no clue that he disliked Laios THIS much.

I even think it's kinda telling that Toshiro felt the most comfortable with Falin out of the rest of the party. The hyper-empathetic autistic girl who goes out of her way to accommodate others.

He has a rigid commitment to his values and morals

A strict, uncompromising moral compass is a hallmark of autism. It's everything Toshiro does!!

When Falin was eaten, he bolted off to assemble the best team he could think of. He believes that love is sacrifice, so he pushes his body and his family to the limit to try and prove how much he loves Falin. Chilchuck freaks out when he finds out that Laios told him about the dark magic, because "HE'S THE WORST PERSON TO TELL!"

LIKE, YEAH! HE SURE IS!

Maizuru also explains that from a very young age, he's been incredibly compliant. He never asks for anything, he's always been a bit sickly and uninterested in eating. He always tries to be on his very best behavior, even if that means not asking for accommodations he might actually need.

In fact, the only food he seems to LIKE eating is what Maizuru makes him. To the point where she ended up getting pulled into the kitchen even when she was on a "mission." Senshi makes a cute comment that it's "love" that Maizuru puts into those meals, but... what if it's actually because she knows the textures and flavors he likes?

Miscellaneous Autism Moments

There's so many little moments that are so incredibly autistic to me.

He sees Falin with a bug and he proposes right on the spot. The other characters are like, "oh that's just how they act in the east" but no the fuck it is not. They don't even know "Shuro" is a mispronunciation, how the hell do they know anything about eastern courting traditions?

I know EXACTLY what happened. I'm beaming you this information directly from the truth.

Toshiro was TOLD that you're supposed to 1. make your proposals a surprise, and 2. you will know the right one when you see them, and NO ONE elaborated any further because he comes from a high context culture. He popped that question the first time both of those boxes were ticked off.

In coming from a high context culture, what he does is strictly follow rules and conditions he was taught.

And that's absolutely why he handed Laios that bell. Because he does care about him and the party, and he's taught that doing these acts of service is a show of that... and he didn't even think ahead to the fact the bell was going to be ringing constantly.

And yet. In spite of that, he ALWAYS keeps it near him.

Before it clicked and I realized why, I used to think Toshiro was kind of an asshole for running off to get his vassals without even telling Marcille and Laios about his plan. Like... how could you not know they were going to do something drastic? The three of them were the Falin Fan Club and he was the most normal member of it. It's so obvious to me that Laios (brother) and Marcille (""Gal Pal"") were going to get themselves in danger.

So how could you just run off like that without telling them? Even if lack of supplies meant they couldn't go back in, how could you just leave them worried sick in the town, thinking you abandoned Falin?

And then it hit me. The man just has low empathy.

There WAS no malice, just like how there wasn't malice in how he was pushing him and his vassals to the limits, just like how there was never malice against Laios. It simply didn't occur to him like that.

He's never been taught to consider the thoughts and feelings of others very deeply and they don't come naturally. He's still compassionate. There's a reason all of his vassals love him!

But THAT'S WHY he never put himself in Laios' shoes, or anyone else's. Empathy does not come naturally to him. All of his good behavior is as a result of his moral code, NOT empathy.

So with that said, why does he love Falin so much? Aside from the wonderful, positive traits he lists when he's asked? I mean, what's really deep down at the core of why he finds these things so lovely?

Well... Falin and Laios are not all that different from each other, to the point where Toshiro gets gently ribbed in a bonus chapter about how if one of them was a girl, Shuro might have loved Laios instead. He waxes poetic about the ways she's different from most women, how she's not afraid of things like insects, her compassion, her face, her laugh.

These are all things Laios does too (in fact in one of the panels where Toshiro is appreciating Falin, she's trying to check if a caterpillar is a male or female), but Falin's personality expresses in a more subdued and introverted way. Closer to how Toshiro is, as a person. So... I think it's because he relates to her.

To both Touden siblings. But Laios makes him see things he doesn't want to.

THE LAIOS FIGHT

We established that Toshiro has a strict commitment to his values, he probably has low empathy, and even taking his cultural differences into account he's bad at communicating.

So then, why was one of his complaints against Laios' obliviousness that he "knows he doesn't mean anything by it, and that makes it worse"? Isn't that kinda specific when you think about it?

If you're neurodivergent, I want you to think back to points in time where you dealt with people who have the same issues you do. Autism, ADHD, PTSD, DID, whatever. Did you ever have a moment where they did something harmless or mildly inconvenient, definitely as a result of the same exact thing you have, and you just... HATED it?

You HATED it even more than you would anyone else doing the same thing. You probably know your response was disproportionate. But YOU don't do that THING they did. Or if you do that, it's less bad somehow. Or you used to do that but don't anymore and it reminds you of when you did.

If you're reflective, you might have realized it might be internalized ableism. I feel like that's a huge part of why Toshiro finds Laios SO. ANNOYING. Laios is like this stupid, idiot, blundering caricature of things Toshiro has been taught to avoid, which violate his moral code. Shuro comes from a place of so many more rules and subtle cues, and it's like Laios doesn't respect any of them.

What STARTS this fight, causes Laios to finally hit back after being smacked, shoved, and shouted at, is being told "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY."

It's so obviously wrong! Laios, who ran back into a dungeon immediately? Who Toshiro himself called rash? This is NOT a logical conclusion to make about Laios or his party. I think it came from frustration that Laios "does things the wrong way." That it's projection, stemming from that low empathy.

He's not like Kabru in the same chapter, who's desperately trying to get a read on Laios' inner workings and failing. Shuro's just extrapolating his own feelings onto him, because he's recognizing that same "sense" within him. If TOSHIRO didn't follow the rules he sets down for himself, that's not "taking it seriously."

Toshiro follows the rules. Laios does not.

...and Laios is FREE.

He's open and honest in a way Toshiro can never be, not as a noble, not as an easterner, and not as an autistic man. Hell, Laios was ALSO a noble, he gave that up! Threw that away, and then came back to his village and took Falin away from it. If Laios is acting like an idiot, he's acting like an idiot who does everything Toshiro has ever wanted to do. Laios cannot mask and Toshiro resents that.

One of the things Toshiro even explicitly says he HATES about Laios is the fact he's willing to be a burden on other people. Maizuru said earlier that he's NEVER made a "selfish request" before-- but Laios can just open his mouth and ask for help, feeling no shame, just as he did in this chapter when he asked him not to tell the Island Lord about the dark magic.

And then, after they literally come to blows, Toshiro tells Laios some incredibly brutal things, revealing he's NEVER been his friend and he has resented him this whole time. This actually sits with Laios well into the later chapters, but the fight ends and then they're just CHATTING FRIENDLY LIKE IT DIDN'T MATTER.

More honestly than ever before, because Toshiro is returning the effort. He eats some food (the narrative's metaphor for making connections). He thanks his vassals for the first time. He talks about how he wishes he'd told Falin about all the things he adored about her when he still had the chance.

I have to take the panels of his response right out of the manga actually because this little expression here is so subtle, but so meaningful.

(Read <- <- <- that way)

Look at the way that when Laios makes that genuine movement, assuring him with passion that he will be making sure Falin receives this message, Toshiro's gut response is annoyance. But then it softens and he pauses, like he's reconsidering what his response is going to be.

To admit that he envies "this side of Laios" is also admitting that the earlier fight was based on envy.

Laios was like this the WHOLE time. Making these grand speeches about his plans, what his party's been doing, how Toshiro needs to eat something and take a nap. He's ALWAYS been like this. It was Toshiro's mindset that changed.

In conclusion

Something I really like about Dungeon Meshi is HOW MANY of its characters can be read as autistic. Laios is just the most obvious one, with his special interest in monsters and inability to read social cues being central to the plot. His is a more "well known" expression of autism-- it's rare you get characters whose masking is central to their characters.

But it's really refreshing to see characters like Kabru, Falin, and Toshiro. Autistic people are rare enough in popular media to begin with, but we NEVER get characters whose autism intersects with their trauma, gender, and culture quite like these three.

[borschtwife]

There's a genre of posts/articles that says something like "you don't understand, I cannot do body acceptance with myself because I am a rich girl from the northeast and the company I keep and the spaces I operate in will not treat me like a human being if I get fat. Fat acceptance is fine for all you little people down there aspiring to do god knows what with your pathetic lives but here on mount olympus if I ever want to make it in the top echelons of journalism or fashion or politics or media, I have to get super into restrictive eating."

And the thing is, a part of me feels some sympathy. I remember reading a piece from the trans performance artist Nina Arsenault talking about how she can't just let her embidment and gender presentation be anything less than perfect otherwise she will have the public's acknowledgement of her humanity robbed from her bc that's what its like out here for trans women. She included being fat as one of those things she could not allow herself to be because it would take her out of the women conversation. And I push back against that idea but I deeply empathize with that sentiment because like yeah me too I'm a trans woman and sorry I get tired of being told sometimes that its fine to have a weird face and clocky voice bc its like look maybe if I was a lil cis girl but I'm a trans woman and if I'm not at least at a certain level of perfect, I will not get treated as a human.

Thing is, the sympathy is much harder when by "treated as a human," these affluent cis women mean fitting into their elite social caste. Like yeah I guess I'm sorry that you are so afraid of being outcast from a world where your parents happily pay for your apartment in Manhattan and your private university education while you jet off to Berlin every couple months to go do designer drugs in the woods with other rich people's annoying kids. Where you feel so much pressure all the time because you know your dad will get you a gig at Vogue or The Atlantic next summer and the idea of your first real job is scary and none of those weird poor and middle class people who didn't go to Italy sometimes as a kid could understand the stresses of a life of someone who actually matters. Like I'm sorry but...kill yourself.

And what sucks is that these type of people write A LOT. Like, they're the ones who get all the gigs in journalism and publishing. So you see articles and posts put out frequently by that set.

[xoxochb]

Hii, I really love your writings like sm and i saw you do a request from someone that was based from “the alchemy” by Taylor swift so I was wondering if you could do a percy jackson x reader or fem!reader but now like base on “you are in love” by Taylor swift?

Like at the start the reader and percy are js bsf at first, then percy confessed his feelings, but the reader is scared of commitment bc of like (perhaps seeing reader’s own father cheat and like seeing people dear to her get heartbroken and she’s scared she will experience the same) and stuff

but still gives percy a chance (so it’s the “for once you let go of your fears and ghosts, one step not much but it said enough” part of the song) and our boy proves that he will never do anything that will hurt reader and loves her like so so much (“you kiss on side walks you fight, then you talk. One night he wakes, a strange look on his face. Pause, then says ‘you’re my bestfriend’ and u knew what it was he is in love” part LIKE YK JS ANY CUTE STUFF and like maybe at that part percy says how much he loves the reader and everything🤭) Just percy being the perfect best boyfriend ever honestly and change stuff if you can or want to make this better!!:)

If this is too much I totally understand and you can ignore this but I really hope you do this request 😭💗

you are in love, true love

warnings: none

pairing: percy jackson x fem reader

summary: read the request!

A/N: this didn’t turn out as good as I wanted it to… but I really wanted to write it because I love this song

you were scared to say the least. it may be because your best friend percy jackson is giving you a strange look, or perhaps because he is standing insanely close to you, you’re unsure, all you know it that you’re horrified

“y/n” he states

“that’s my name” you joke, trying to ease the tension

he laughs lightly, “you’re my best friend”

oh gods you know what this is- but it can’t be, this can’t happen.

you avert your eyes to the ground, then take a glance at your dirty converse. you know what he’s trying to say but you choose to act like you don’t

“I am” is the only thing you can think to say

“that’s not what I mean” he takes your hands in his, and you’re eyes now move to your intertwined hands

you don’t say anything, instead just let him elaborate so you can see if your suspicions are correct

the next three words he says shock you- they’re something you never thought about hearing, something you’ve sworn off after you spent countless nights comforting a heartbroken friend, sobs being the only thing heard in the room

‘I love you’ is what he says

you force yourself to pretend that’s not what he said, but your pounding heart gives it away. you wanted to hear this, you did, but you knew it was for the better if you pushed it away, trying to save yourself from a broken heart

but you love him, you really do, and it hurts you to see him with such a sad look on his face when you don’t reply

“I love you percy” you whisper “but I don’t know if I can do this”

now he’s the one who goes quiet. you know that he knows about your commitment issues, he had even prepared himself for you to turn him down once he confessed his feelings, but he still can’t help but feel disappointed in himself for thinking even a little bit that you would accept his confession of love

“oh” is all he says

you frown at his saddened demeanor “I’m just scared”

“y/n/n, I don’t want to seem desperate, but I really love you, and I promise, I swear it on the river styx I will never do anything to hurt you. I don’t know if that’s enough for you to fully believe me, but I do mean it. Nothing on this earth could make me ever even think of doing anything to harm you in any way, and if some day I was ever to do any harm to you I will allow you to brutally murder me” he says the last part with a laugh before continuing, “but I just don’t think I could ever live without seeing you ever day, you mean a lot to me”

oh how could you say no to him? was a boy really worth a broken heart though? maybe not a boy, no, but percy jackson- your percy jackson, the one that always protected you, the one that never did hurt you in all of the years you knew him, the one that had quite literally killed for you. you knew that he held your heart since the day you met, and you also knew that he would never drop it, but instead intertwine it with his own, two souls bound together for eternity

you look up and take a last glance into his sea green eyes before pulling him in for a kiss, and it was one you wouldn’t trade for the world

[zehiiro]

Part 2: My Thoughts on The Book Of Carol Episode 1 - Panel

-Spoiler-free edition-

This continues Part 1 of my thoughts [link here], specifically focusing on the panel.

There seems to be some confusion that's also upsetting some people, so I feel like, as someone who was there, it's my responsibility to clarify things and share some new things. I'll also be including my transcript from different relevant portions of the panel that don't spoil the episode itself, and just to make it clear, this transcript is word for word with what was said and has not been paraphrased by me; the only portions I removed were the pauses and instances where a speaker stammered.

Incorporating Carol into the Story

Zabel has been in conversation with Melissa (about Carol) for as long as he's been in conversation with Norman (about Daryl), which is from before writing & filming even started for season 1, discussing what they each had to say about their characters in detail. Once they began to approching season 2, Zabel then began to have more detailed conversation with Melissa about what she wanted for Carol going into the future, which we could see had already started to be from episode 1 in a huge way, with almost every single Carol scene having intention and deep meaning behind it.

D. Ross: What was it like starting to think about how to incorporate Carol into the story? Did you talk about season 2? How was that discussion? S.M. Gimple: I mean, Zabel drove those discussions. D. Zabel: I think it came out in our early conversations to make sure that the first episode which you just saw really planted Carol back into the world. You know, that was a very conscious choice because we spent 6 episodes of the show focused exclusively on Daryl, and knowing that we're bringing Melissa into this show, we wanted to make sure that we started the story off in a very strong way. To sort of re-establish the character after a couple of years, we hadn't seen her. And also to make her drive to find Daryl very compelling, motivated, and active. That came out of our early, like our first conversations about how to do it.

Collaboration between Zabel, Norman, and Melissa

I said this before, but I wanna say it again that Melissa's voice was really obvious to me in the way episode 1 was done, and Norman has spoken many times about how he's worked really hard on Daryl's story in the spin-off. The below exerpt also shows that the collaboration was actually really there between Zabel, Norman, and Melissa, and that it had great influence on the direction of the show. Even Gimpel gives the credit to Zabel, Norman, and Melissa and greatly compliments their collaboration.

D. Ross: What were your discussions? Because obviously, Melissa and Scott have worked for a long time together, and obviously, Melissa and Norman forever, but this is, you know, your first time connecting David and Melissa, so what were those conversations like in terms of finding the character and getting the input and sharing new ideas? D. Zabel: Well, yeah I'm the new guy, and so as a result, I had to be hazed. It was great because I had a whole year with Norman working on the show, and part of that was my own learning process about the characters, the character specifically of Daryl, about all the show and the aesthetic of The Walking Dead universe, and so during that time I was also having conversations with Melissa and getting ready, so there was really a lot of leadup to when we brought the character back into the show and a lot of conversations that we had after those initial ones were really Melissa and me talking about how to advance the character of Carol and how to not let the character stay stagnant, same as the kind of conversations that Norman and I had in the beginning, how to continue to move the character forward and move the story forward and expand on the universe in general, and not let the characters and the world stagnate and say in the same place, 'cause it's easy to sort of keep going through the same things over and over again. So a lot of it was talking to Melissa and understanding how she saw the character, thought the character was and the things that she felt were interesting to play moving into the future. S.M. Gimple: And that is a huge thing with both Norman and Melissa. You know they have that executive producer credit, but that's the real deal, they provided a lot towards the narrative of their characters, towards the trajectory of their characters. This is them expressing themselves. And to watch this collaboration has been amazing.

Melissa's thoughts on coming back to the show and bringing her ideas

Throughout the entire panel, Melissa seemed incredibly happy. She constantly made jokes that made the whole room and panel laugh, and she spoke really proudly of the work she had done. She also seemed very comfortable collaborating with Zabel, Greg, and Norman and had nothing but beautiful things to say about them, and Manish (Ash).

I've attached a video below [link here] of the following transcript, which I recorded from my perspective. It's at a wider view and slightly longer than the ones previously uploaded by others, and it captures a lovely and respectful exchange between Zabel and Melissa.

D. Ross: What's it like from your perspective, Melissa? I mean you have so much ownership of this character for so long, so tell me about, like, in terms of coming to this new show and bring your ideas. Melissa MB: Oh, well, Scott, David, and I talked about some of the things that were really important to me, as far as what I thought Carol might want to dive into. Things you know… 12 years of The Walking Dead, there was a lot unsaid. I made a rhyme. But anyway, we picked some of the core issues, and we kind of built on that. D. Zabel: I think one of the things I'll add is building on that, things that were maybe not fully developed or resolved in the original series for the character and also and also making sure that Carol was coming because she loves and misses her friend and is worried about him, but also has a narrative of her own, that's about the things that she's dealing with herself. So, that was really important for us was that Carol needed to have a dual narrative. It wasn't all about just finding Daryl, although that's crucial,... Melissa MB: obviously. D. Zabel: but it was how is that somehow working through her own experience and what things that are still plaguing her.

Carol and Daryl as the core of every storyline in season 2

It's clear that they have made Carol and Daryl's story the centre of the whole season and that they will be heavily involved in all of the major storylines and resolutions. Using episode 1 as an example, it was already clear that even though Ash has a really interesting backstory, which they delved into in a very thoughtful and intentional way, it was still there to serve Carol's story and ultimately, Caryls story in later episodes. The same, I believe, can be said about the different storylines in France and how they're all ultimately going to come together to serve Carol and Daryl's story and development.

D. Zabel: Every episode is big, but the way that it resolves ultimately all these different stories and these different characters by the time you get to the end, I think that's the single thing I'd say was the greatest accomplishment of Season 2 is sort of the accumulation of story and character, how all the stories are resolved specifically through Daryl and Carol, of course.

Slight spoiler warning for what's below the line. This spoiler has already been shared and talked about for several days at this point.

Reunion episode.

Whether or not the reunion will be in episode 2 is up to personal interpretation. Below is the link* to another video I took from my perspective, where you can see everyone's expressions. I encourage everyone to come to their own conclusions on whether or not they think it's episode 2.

I personally lean towards it being true, firstly because Norman and Melissa's tone/behaviour seem genuine, while Zabel and Gimple seem to be more nervous and overcompensating with their counter comments (However, Norman and Melissa are so talented as actors that they could easily fool us 😅). Secondly, why tease/mislead the audience in that way? There's no logical reason, and they know that, ultimately, it would just leave us (the people who believe them) a little disappointed after building our excitement and expectations up.

This was everyone's reaction to Gimple saying, "You know what? Let's say it doesn't happen in episode 2. Let's just get into an argument now."

*Note: Tumblr only allows me to upload one video directly to the post, so unfortunately, the second video had to be a link. I know that the link may not work in some countries like Canada, so if that's you and you'd like to see the video, let me know, and I'll send it to you directly.

My final thoughts.

I know that there are a lot of concerns about:

How Carol and Daryl's joint story will fit into the season 2 narrative and whether or not their story will be handled with care

How will Carol be incorporated into the story, and will her character be treated justly (not overlooked/overshadowed)

Is Melissa being treated/billed fairly, and is she happy with the product that is Daryl Dixon: The Book of Carol

Based on all the examples above and my thoughts in the part 1 post, I'm confident that the writers, showrunner, and, of course, the leading cast, Norman and Melissa, are handling both Carol and Daryl's joint story and their individual stories really well and with a lot of care.

Regarding Melissa's treatment and happiness, none of us knows what's happening behind the scenes, but from what I could see during the panel, everyone on that stage was treating each other as equals; no one was undermining anyone, and they were all clearly there to support each other. As always, there was also that special connection between Norman and Melissa, who were having really sweet moments just between them, smiling and whispering to each other and making each other laugh, which really warmed my heart. In terms of the audience's reaction, we all clapped, cheered, and reacted the loudest for Melissa and Norman, but especially Melissa. Everyone was so excited to see her, and I even noticed some people wanting to give her a standing ovation and were halfway standing when she came on stage but were motioned to sit back down by someone who looked like event staff or security.

And lastly, regarding the billing order, I feel that it's wonderful how some of Melissa's fans are really speaking up and standing up for her on how she should be equally billed with Norman, just like Danai/Andrew and Lauren/Jeffrey, which I wholeheartedly agree with; however, I think (and bare with me here) that we should be patient, especially for the moment. The order of billing within the credits does seem strange to me as well; however, the season is still three and a half months away (110 days) from its actual release, and these are things that could have been done in error and can still be amended for the official release. If it's not, then it's also important to acknowledge that whatever the agreement is that was made between AMC and Melissa/her agents, Melissa is a very intelligent and capable of making rational choices that are in her best interest, and as long as she's happy with it, then we should be respectful of those choices because, ultimately, we are not part of that contract and therefore can't really know why certain choices were made unless we're told by one of the parties who hold the contract.

I'm not saying we shouldn't speak up if we believe she or anyone else is being treated/compensated unfairly; however, we should still keep celebrating with her for her return as Carol to the series, her incredible performance in season 2, and all the hard work she has put in, alongside the rest of the cast and crew, to give us this new season.

~~~~~

There will probably be more parts to this as more information comes out, but for now, a huge thank you to those who read this ♡♡♡ I'd love to know your opinions if you agree or disagree with anything I've said. One of my favourite things about this community is how passionate everyone is, which allows us to have some really deep and meaningful conversations about the show and characters we love.

If anyone has any questions about the episode or panel that I haven't addressed yet or would like further information on anything I have shared, please feel free to leave me an ask, anonymous or not, and I'd be more than happy to answer and discuss it. However, I will refrain from giving away any spoilers that haven't already been released.

[w2soneshots]

INside -Angry ginge

Words: 0.9k+

Warnings: none.

Summary: you enter the inside house and quickly get along with a particularly attractive ginger boy.

a/n: hello loves! I’ve had so many people asking for more angry ginge fics so here’s a one off😉. Enjoy!!💓🫶🏼

Today I'm going into a house with nine other people for a week. No connection with the outside world, no internet and with mostly strangers that I've never met. It's for the sidemen's new reality show. I haven't been told much about it so it will be quite a surprise.

The taxi dropped me off outside and I grabbed my suitcase from the boot. I pushed open the heavy door to reveal what looked like an airport security. I furrowed my brows. "The fuck is this?" I walked through the scanner then read the signs on the mirror. "Smile for the camera." I pulled a face then popped my suitcase onto the conveyor belt. Once I was finished I opened the door on the right.

The house was quiet when I made my way up the stairs. "Hello?!" I shouted out. I walked into the living room. "Hey!" Joe ran towards me. "Hi! I can't believe you're in here!" We shared a quick hug. I've known Joe for years. It was nice to know that someone I knew was in the house. Then another guy stepped forward. "Hello. I'm Morgan." He greeted me with a cute smile. I smiled back. "Hi, I'm y/n."

The next to arrive was Chloe (who I know since I was on her podcast), followed by everyone else. They all seemed nice but I could tell that there was a few people in it just for the money, which I understand but I want to make friends and just have some fun. We picked our beds. I ended up between Morgan and Manrika. We all sat down on the sofa to have a chat. After a little while Miniminter, Vik and KSI walked into the room. Everyone erupted in cheers and claps.

"Welcome to inside!" JJ started dramatically. "You will all be battling it out for a prize fund that starts out at one million pounds." Everyone clapped once again. "As you guys can see, there's not much in this house. That's because everything costs money." Vik said, putting on his best presenter voice. "No Vik no!" Joe joked. Simon began, "We're going to be opening the shop so you can buy whatever you want, but you're going to be paying for it through everyone's prize money." Vik went on to explain all about the shop, the daily challenges and food (we only get basic stuff unless we want to purchase it from the shop).

They left soon after and we continued to chat away. Until the tv screen lit up, reading 'the shop is now open'. Everyone raced downstairs. "Two grand for the pool balls?! You're taking the piss." Ginge stared at the board. "You have to pay for a shower? Are you fucking joking!" My eyes widened. I really didn't want to have cold showers every day.

After a long conversation about the shop and trying not to spend anything we all went upstairs. Then lunch arrived. It was freezing cold rice and chickpeas. I genuinely could not force myself to eat it, it was disgusting. Everyone went to eat their food then me and Ginge slipped away from the group to go downstairs. We giggled as we hurried into the shop. "I'm fucking starving." I ordered a packet of crisps and a fizzy drink. He ordered the same. We sat on the floor and ate in peace.

After the first night I slowly began to catch feelings for Morgan, and Chloe was quick to notice. "But do you find him attractive?" She asked me as we got ready. "I don't know. He's tall and he's cute." I replied, not making eye contact with her. "Oh you definitely like him!" She chuckled.

It started to become a running joke in the house. The way we looked at each other, our banter and the fact we always sat next to each other. Me and Ginge didn't talk about it directly but one day Specs was telling me about the conversation he had had with Morgan and it was very interesting. "He said that he would go on a date with you if he got the chance." "You're joking?" I was slightly surprised and I didn't want to look like a mug if Specs was just having me on. "No seriously. He likes you y/n."

Ginge left the next day and I actually missed him. It felt weird not having him around. I ended up getting into the final three before I left. I was really happy for Chloe and Manrika. I also saw Morgan again, we shared a quick hug then I gave him the rundown on what happened after he had left. We filmed tiktok's, took pictures and then said our goodbyes. I felt as though I had made some really good friends and made some interesting memories.

A few days after the final I got a call from Morgan. "Hey!" I answered in a cheerful voice. "Hi, I just wanted to ask if you were free anytime this week?" He got straight to the point and sounded slightly nervous. "Are you asking me out?" "Uh- well- yeah." He stumbled on his words. "So Specs wasn't joking." I thought out loud. "What?" "I'll explain on our date. You free Friday?" I asked. Unbeknownst to me a huge smile spread across his face. "Yeah I am." "Great see you then."

After I decided the call I quickly rang Chloe. "Babe, you'll never guess who just asked me out!" I began excitedly. "Who? Wait! Ginge?! No way!" She screeched down the phone.

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, I keep posting around what I actually wanna say about Buck, Eddie, and the parallel love lives, and, well, their love lives have been written as parallel but misaligned, but I don't think they are that misaligned anymore. Or at least they are the closest they have ever been. Abby and Shannon both serve as the first love who left and never gave them real closure, Abby left, forced Buck to leave her, came back and didn't admit to anything, just continued to force Buck to deal with it on his own, and Shannon left, only came back because Eddie asked her to, and she died right after asking for a divorce, so she never gave Eddie time to process the idea of permanently letting go of her before he was forced to do it on his own, and they are the love they keep reliving, because they were forced to find that closure on their own and they can't. Eddie because he is actively chasing Shannon and Buck because he is trapped in the same structure as his relationship with Abby, meeting because of work, the other person starts it, they leave at some point, at most times it feels like Buck is more in it than the other person. Buck gets a whole apartment because of Ali, Taylor was never as intense as we knew she could be about Buck, Natalia ran away because of who he is, Tommy doesn't seem to be putting in as much effort as he could. Ana, Marisol, and Kim and Ali, Taylor, Natalia, and Tommy, they get scrambled in the parallels between themselves though. I think mostly because where Buck needs time, Eddie needs intensity. Buck will realize stuff if you give him enough time, Eddie will only realize shit if it slaps him in the face. And Eddie's breakups tend to be Eddie's fault, where Buck breakups are usually because the other person does something. So one to one parallels are hard to draw, but they are there. Ana and Ali both are relationships that started because people keep telling them it was time to move on. Natalia and Marisol show up in their lives because of a call that wasn't about them, and they go out because they actually want to ask them out. Tommy and Kim both give the impression of it being about someone else, Kim is a carbon copy of Shannon, Tommy is presented to us as very similar to Eddie and he also parallels other Buck li, and there's also the way Eddie doesn't really want to date Kim and Buck and Tommy have the conversation about taking things slow. Taylor exists in a different situation because Eddie doesn't really have a multiseason love interest, Ana has a lot less episodes, so it's hard to compare the introductions, but Taylor and Ana parallel each other with the being introduced in an episode their family gets hurt, the whole thing with the brownies and Bobby and Chris and the skateboard, and the hurting Buck and Eddie part comes from their jobs, Taylor wants to capitalize on Bobby's addiction and Ana was the teacher responsible for making sure Chris stays safe, I think even the way Taylor's camera man teases them and the way Carla teases Eddie about Ana, structure wise Taylor and Ana are introduced in a similar way, and then coming back into their lives in unrelated circumstances, Taylor happens to be covering a scene Buck is working on and Eddie runs into Ana again during an unrelated call and later asking them out because of peer pressure. Ali, Ana, Taylor, and Marisol also parallel each other with being someone they meet while working and then start dating after a period of time has passed unlike Natalia. Taylor, Ana, and Natalia all get treated by them and that's interesting when they are not actually paramedics. There are a bunch of parallels between Natalia and Ana when it comes to conversations Buck and Eddie have with them too.

Kim parallels Taylor with the way both of them create chaos in their personal lives, Kim ends up making Chris want to leave and causes the breakup with Marisol, Taylor continues to try to capitalize on Buck's family even in a situation where their lives were actually at stake (and Chim is family in a more traditional way, now obviously because he's Buck's brother in law but at the time because he's the father of Buck's niece, and it is interesting that Chim leaves and actively wants to be as far away as possible from Buck and Chris is trying to get as far away as possible from Eddie, and I know the Chim's situation is not about Buck, but the person getting hurt the most over Taylor/Kim actions actually leaves the state while wanting to stay away from Buck/Eddie after finding out they were keeping something from them, which is something).

So the storyline parallels between all the love interests are there, but the things that's been getting me the most right now are the lines you can draw between Tommy and Kim. Because the thing is, while Eddie is actively chasing Shannon, I believe that Buck has let the Abby ship sail, but they are both looking in familiarity for something they already have with each other. With familiarity I mean the way Tommy parallels all of Buck's love interests, including Eddie, and the way Kim literally looks familiar. But also the way neither would have a chance of working long term because of that familiarity. Eddie can never bring Kim into his life, so that relationship would forever be surface level, and so far no real depth has been added to Buck and Tommy even though the show had opportunities to do so. Both Tommy and Kim presented Buck and Eddie with something they wanted but weren't fully aware of until they slammed into them, with Buck is the general concept of attraction to men he couldn't understand on his own and with Eddie, he didn't fully confront the way he still wants something from Shannon, that being more time, closure, or just the general feeling of grief that sometimes gets so unbearable you just want it to stop for a little bit and Kim was enough to trick his brain so it would stop for a second, I don't know, but she was offering something. But either way Eddie is finally at a point where he might actually look around to try and find out what he wants, because he was forced to confront the ghost of Shannon and Chris is not there, so he's at a point where he has enough puzzle pieces to realize that what he wants is the life he already has with Buck, the same way Buck can trip into the realization he already built his idea of love with someone, he just didn't understand Eddie is also an option. I think both of them work as a way to expand Buck and Eddie's dating pool, Eddie beyond what's expected from him, a mother for Chris, and Buck beyond women. So I think this is the closest they've ever been to actually being able to stumble into each other.

[cedarxwing]

Hello!!

What do you think made Will bluebeard's last wife? And how did Will understand that Hannibal was in love with him when he had the bluebeard discussion with Bedelia?

Hello! I see that someone already answered this question here, but I'll try to put my own spin on it.

Some context:

In the folktale, Bluebeard is a wealthy man whose wives keep mysteriously disappearing. He gives his seventh wife the key to all the locked doors in their house, but tells her not to open the door to the basement ("Secrets you're not to know, yet sworn to keep"). Of course, the wife goes snooping and discovers the corpses of all his former wives. It's a classic Pandora/Psyche myth with a horrific twist.

Key point: Bluebeard's seventh and final wife survives, inherits his fortune, and lives happily ever after.

The Bluebeard analogy is honestly perfect for Hannibal's character because it highlights the way he destroys everyone he loves. He brings a series of "wives" behind the veil (Miriam, Abigail, Gideon) and all of them end up maimed, mentally broken, or dead. This pattern echoes his childhood behavior, originating with the consumption of Mischa and developing with his mind games with Chiyoh. "Every family loves differently. Every love is unique." Hannibal expresses love through destruction and consumption.

Bedelia understands this. When she says she would've preferred to be Bluebeard's last wife, she means that she would've preferred to be the one who escaped Hannibal and lived happily ever after. She does not want to be on the receiving end of Hannibal's "love."

There's a deleted scene in the Antipasto script where she says the same line to Dimmond:

Basically, "Help me lock this monster up, because I'm not going to be one of his victims. I do want his money, though."

The same line, said accusingly to Will, takes on a different meaning. Hannibal is courting a new partner, and if Bedelia isn't his final wife anymore... well, she's going to end up in the basement with the rest. @genufa wrote an interesting analysis on this concept here.

Now, let's zoom out and view the whole conversation from Will's perspective:

Will can't let go of the fact that Bedelia emerged from Hannibal's influence completely unscathed, whereas Hannibal took--and continues to take--everything from Will. He's operating on his understanding of the Chesapeake Ripper: "Contrapasso. You play, you pay." So why does Hannibal make Will pay again and again and again, while Bedelia got away with mere psychological torment? According to Chesapeake Ripper logic, that would mean Bedelia is preferred, right?

Before this conversation, Will doesn't understand how Hannibal expresses love ( @suchawrathfullamb wrote a lovely post about this). He thinks that everything Hannibal did to him (encephalitis era, prison era, honeytrap codependency era, Mizumono, the Primavera human heart, the attempted brain-eating in Dolce) was out of pure sadism. If Hannibal found him more interesting than Randall, Margot, and his other violent patients, it was only because his empathy and involvement with the FBI made him a rare specimen.

[BOOK TANGENT TIME! Oh boy, my favorite!! :D]

Will's misdiagnosis of Hannibal's ability to love was inspired by this piece of hack psychoanalysis in chapter 51 of Hannibal:

^ This is clearly posed as an incorrect interpretation of Hannibal Lecter:

Yes, Hannibal is excited by distress, but he loves those who bear distress beautifully, with strength, courage, and discipline. This is how he comes to care for people like Abigail, Jack, and Bella. And, of course, Will suffers the most pornographically beautifully of all.

[END BOOK TANGENT]

"It's distress that excites him," Will thinks. So it catches his attention when Bedelia says of his forehead scar, "It excites [Hannibal] to see you marked in this particular way." Why? Why this particular way? Is it a mark of ownership (the metaphorical facial theory)? A symbol of the permanent effect Hannibal had on him? This is Bedelia's first hint that Will's distress means more to Hannibal than punishment or sadistic entertainment.

When Bedelia turns the Bluebeard analogy back on Will, it finally clicks for him that distress/destruction/consumption is the pattern of Hannibal's love, and the fact that Hannibal tortures Will more than anyone else means that Will holds a place of honor in his heart. With this context, Hannibal's attempt to eat his brain becomes an act of adoration. The mark on his forehead becomes a laurel wreath.

To answer your first question, I don't think "Bluebeard's last wife" is a great analogy for Will.

First of all, Bedelia never called him that. She implied that Will was becoming the next wife, emphasizing the threat associated with Hannibal's affection. Bluebeard's last wife would've ended up in the basement too if she hadn't been clever enough to escape, and Will doesn't seem particularly clever to Bedelia at this point. Even Will admits his surrender: "I don't know if I can save myself, and maybe that's just fine."

Second of all, Bluebeard's last wife betrays him to the authorities, and Will does the exact opposite in TWOTL. I guess you could interpret "I don't intend Hannibal to be caught a second time," as "I'm planning to kill him myself," but passionately embracing Hannibal before gently dragging him off a cliff in a failed murder-suicide doesn't read as "Bluebeard's last wife" behavior to me.

If Will is to be Bluebeard's last wife, it's because Hannibal's love for him breaks the pattern, meaning Hannibal is no longer Bluebeard. A true fairytale ending. <3

[ririban]

I really cannot fully explain just how much The Case Files of Jeweler Richard means to me. I will never not be grateful about having come across it when I did. Like, I’m from India, and India isn’t the best place to actually be exposed to what being queer means. For the longest time I didn’t even know that the acronym went beyond the letter T. The word aromantic meant nothing to me because it wasn’t a word I knew. All I knew was that when my friends were getting crushes and dating, I was desperately trying to find new excuses for why I didn’t have anyone I was interested in. Because “I don’t want to be in a relationship” was an answer that earned me strange looks.

I did eventually learn that something called aromanticism exists by the time I went to college, but I never really bothered to learn what that entailed. Then I met a friend who happened to be asexual, and she pointed out that based on what I told her, I might be aroace. And I thought about it for a while, but wasn’t really convinced. More importantly, the idea of sticking a label to myself kinda scared me because it felt like it was something irreversible.

And then Jeweler Richard happened. I really enjoyed the first episode, even shed a couple of tears. The inclusion of a canon lesbian character in the second episode was a pleasant surprise (I did not know about Tatsuki back then. Present day me is annoyed we never got to see her in the anime). But it went from an anime I simply enjoyed to a story I absolutely fell in love with in episode 8: The Angel's Aquamarine. This was the episode in which we first found out about Tanimoto’s views on romance, and I found myself understanding where she was coming from. Online people were discussing how she came off as aromantic, and that made me think again. But, again, “sticking” that label to me wasn’t something I was comfortable with.

That changed when I came across a certain passage in volume 6. For those of you who haven’t read the novel yet and are okay with spoilers, Tanimoto visits Étranger after being invited by Seigi. There she has a conversation with Richard, during which he tells her this:

“Humans are creatures that can only recognize the present moment as reality. But that present changes, moment by moment. For example, someone who was bisexual in their twenties might decide to identify as heterosexual in their thirties. Or someone who considered themself heterosexual at age seventeen might realize that they’re gay at age twenty-five. Someone who may have considered themself polyamorous and open to relationships with anyone might feel as though they’ve met their soulmate at age fifty-five and become monogamous. Of course, this isn’t true of everyone—but from a statistical perspective, changes of this nature aren’t at all unusual. It’s just like how, if left to their own devices, our hair and nails will continue to grow.”

The reason I was scared of declaring myself as aro was because I worried that it was something I’d never be able to take back. That becoming aro to the people around me wouldn’t allow me to one day say, “no, I don’t think I actually am aromantic”. I would’ve rather stayed in a state of being confused than make a decision I couldn’t undo. But then Richard told Tanimoto that it’s fine. It’s fine to change your mind later on. That a label isn’t fixed to you, and isn’t something you have to carry throughout your life if it’s something you no longer identify with. And idk if I can even begin to explain how important that was to me. Because those were the words I needed.

It’s okay that I’m not interested in being in a relationship. It’s okay if I call myself aro. It’s okay for me to no longer make up excuses because a simple “I’m not interested in dating” is enough. This is a comparison that only Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint fans will get, but The Case Files of Jeweler Richard is to me what Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse is to Kim Dokja. JR did not save my life in the way that TWSA did for Kim Dokja, but it had a bigger impact on my life than any other story. I’d like to believe that the love I have for JR is similar to the love Dokja holds for TWSA.

As a final point, this confidence in myself and my identity isn’t all that JR gave me. Another important thing that happened in my life thanks to it is that I made many lovely friends in the fandom 💕

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

lazy power bottom raphael & anal fingering/handjobs

-

Her entrance into his office was unceremonious. The devil sat squinting at old scrolls, looking up at her through his pretty lashes when she stood in front of his desk.

“I don't recall requesting to see you,” he said, his tone neutral. Tav was about to take a monumental risk, but she was still riding the high of her recent piece of freedom. Her magic was slowly returning - helped along by the fragments of his power Raphael was sharing - and it felt a little like the soft afterglow of an orgasm. A good orgasm. Constant. Tav hadn't felt alive like this in a very long time. She kept flexing her fingers and toes; he noticed, but didn't comment. 

“I want to talk to you,” she said simply. 

He was quiet for a minute. Digesting her behavior, and how he was going to manage it. Otherwise his expression was impossible to read. “Then talk.”

It was here, Tav knew, that she had to tread carefully. If she got this right, Raphael would be in her hands - as much as a devil like him ever could be - and she would be the closest to real freedom she'd been…likely since before her cursed magic ever even began to manifest. A depressing thought, but one she didn't linger on. 

“I'd like you to stop having sex with Haarlep,” she said. Instantly she could tell it hadn't been what he was expecting her to say. The surprise on his handsome face would've been comical if she wasn't balancing the certainty of her future on the outcome of this conversation. He wasn't surprised for long. He put down the scroll he was reading, planted his elbows on the desk and folded his hands together, where he rested his chin. He looked at her very much like a boarding school headmaster, both entertained and irritated by an unruly child's audacious behavior. Like it amused him to watch someone so beneath him attempt to display authority, but when the novelty wore off he'd get angry.

“Why should I do that?” He drawled. He was humouring her, Tav knew, because he was curious. Just as she'd hoped. “What makes you think you can tell me to do anything?”

“I can't,” Tav shrugged, “I know I can't. But if you want to keep having sex with me, Haarlep has to be out of the picture - or out of your bed, at least.”

“You're giving me an ultimatum? How cute,” Raphael cooed. That he hadn't incinerated her on the spot was an indication of his piqued interest. “I knew you held distaste for my incubus, but I had no idea it ran so deep.”

“This has nothing to do with me not liking Haarlep,” Tav countered. That was mostly the truth. She absently touched the ugly scarring on her naked throat. She'd wear that collar forever, it seemed, one way or another. Raphael's clever gaze followed her. “I don't share my sexual partners, that's all. Not by choice, anyway, and choice is something you said you'd let me have, at least when it comes to this. Unless you're going back on your word…”

“I am not,” the devil growled; his tone suggested he might like to. “Though you'd do well to make sure you don't mistake my clemency for complacency, songbird. Unless you'd like to find out what happens to people who do.”

“Wouldn't dream of it.”

“I'm sure.” Raphael narrowed his eyes at her, looking her up and down from her bare feet to the crown of her head. Tav did her best not to shift, to remain confident against his scrutiny. His next words were blunt. ��Why should I choose you over an incubus I've kept for centuries? A creature perfectly attuned to my body, my desires? One who cannot and will not say no to anything I want to do to them?”

At last it was the moment for Tav to make her case. To admit a truth aloud to herself and to the devil who stole her away from a personal hell far worse than Avernus, or any other layer of Hell.

“Because I want you, Raphael. I want you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about that night in your chambers, the way you looked underneath me as everything else burned…it's driving me crazy. I know it was good for you, too. I can't give you the same precision and experience as Haarlep, but…maybe I can give you something better.”

Raphael's eyes darkened as she spoke, his pupils expanding to swallow the orange of his irises. His countenance changed, even if his placid expression hadn't. It was a subtle shift, but one Tav had become attuned to as she learned him, his mannerisms and habits.

“I must admit, the smell of fire has held quite a…scintillating sentiment for me these past few days,” he said. “Ah, what a delightful impulse buy you've turned out to be…”

Tav felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over her head. There was the caveat. A bitter reminder that she was still infernal property, no matter how well he treated her. She couldn't believe it. In the heat of passion, she'd almost allowed herself to forget. This wasn't about sex, or lust. It was Hell's oldest game: manipulation. If she had fun in the meantime, all the better, but she wouldn't again forget why she was doing this. Her flames were not doused, but tempered.

“So, are my terms acceptable?” Tav pressed. Crossed her arms over her chest. Leaned her weight on one hip.

“That depends, dearest.” The devil did so love negotiations. “If I were to relinquish my, shall we say, dalliances with Haarlep and share myself only with you…my little songbird, my sweet pet…” Tav's breath caught. Those words affected her more than she thought. Raphael smiled. “What would that mean?”

Hook. Line. Time for the sinker.

“Let me show you,” she murmured. “Right here, right now. If you're good for it.”

The devil was deeply entertained, that much was obvious. He clicked his fingers and Tav heard his office doors close and lock. “Hmm… What will you have me do now, pet?”

“Bend over the desk. Clothes off. Please.”

For a moment, he did nothing. His silent stare had weight. Tav wondered if this was the point of no return, if she'd found the line and crossed it. If he was testing her mettle, her conviction, to see if she would falter. If he was simply stunned that she believed she could speak to him that way, that she believed he would actually obey. 

Just when Tav thought he wouldn't, when the moment had stretched beyond uncomfortable and she'd almost given into the urge to squirm, Raphael did what she asked. The thrill Tav experienced was substantial. He stood. A simple click and he cleared the surface of his desk; another and he was naked, thick muscles, prominent veins and ribbed cherry-red skin on show, lightly dusted with patches of dark hair. He was softer around the middle than Haarlep's display, and Tav much preferred it. Raphael’s handsome cock was already beginning to fill, his dark pink glans peeking out from beneath his foreskin. He could play at aloofness all he wanted, but his body would always give him away. Still, he was a devil of pride, and there was nothing but smug superiority in the way he positioned himself; forearms braced on the desk, back bent, ass up. His tail swung lazily to-and-fro. He reminded her of his incubus like this, but - and she'd never tell him this - Tav thought he pulled off the seduction much better.

“Well, my songbird,” he purred, equal parts an invitation and a challenge. “Here I am. Show me how you want me.”

As she approached, Tav wished she could hate him the way she hated all other fiends and devils alike. He made it impossible, and that was infuriating, because it complicated so many things. She wished he repulsed her as Lyuris had, but she found Raphael's hellish features quite beautiful. She'd been certain there was nothing beautiful in Hell, but as she smoothed her hands over Raphael's hot skin and he made a quiet noise of approval…

Tav chewed the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood. Remember why you're doing this.

He was so much larger than her, but like this, she could reach the parts of him she wanted much easier. Her touch drifted over his broad shoulders and down the column of his spine. At its base her fingertips flirted briefly with where his tail sprouted; the skin was baby soft on its underside and Raphael seemed to like being touched there, if the gentle “ah!” he released meant anything. He seemed to like being touched everywhere. Things between he and Haarlep were transactions, Tav had realised, but the devil’s appetite wasn't just for sex. He hungered for touch, warm and given willingly. Affection of the basest kind, as so many devils secretly and selfishly did. Something a demon would never understand. That was how she'd get him.

Tav squeezed his backside in both hands. He had a nice ass. She felt down lower to find his balls, smiling at the way he instantly spread his thighs to allow her access. His sack was hot and heavy in her palm, too big to properly hold. She kneaded what she could instead, firm testes inside rolling against his scrotum's thin, smooth skin. She tugged them gently. Raphael groaned, deep and throaty. Tav's deft fingers slid between his buttocks, parting them enough to feel the twitching velvet of his hairless puckered hole. He inhaled sharply when she rested her thumb on it but made no move to stop her. In fact, he lifted his tail and presented himself further.

“Oil?” She asked. Raphael clicked his fingers once more and a little bottle appeared on his desk. Stroking his hole, savouring his anticipatory twitches, Tav used her free hand to pop the lid from the bottle and scent its contents. “Mm, palmarosa. Smells good.”

“They do know how to make fine things in Waterdeep,” said the devil, distractedly. “If you're willing to shell out substantial gold, of course…ahhh…” 

“Of course.” As he spoke, Tav poured a generous helping of the oil on her fingers, and slowly pushed her slick thumb past the tight ring of his anus. The heat and squeeze of his slippery insides was amazing.

“Is that it? More,” Raphael snarled, impatiently pressing into her hand. “What are you waiting for?”

“Nothing at all.”

Her index finger, then her middle, joined her thumb. Experience told her how to twist them, where to rub, when to scissor. Experimentation would tell her where his prostate was, but until then he was enjoying himself anyway. His head dropped forward, clipped moans escaping him as he tried to fuck himself on her fingers, tried to get more friction, more more more.

“Another,” he demanded raspily, “give me another. Harder.”

“As you wish…master.” She said it purely for the shudder that ran through him, for the way he clenched around her fingers, but Tav would be lying if she said it didn't affect her, too. If she looked down, she could see his clawed toes curling. Her ring finger slipped into his ass, her pinky thumping his perineum with each harsh thrust and rub she gave him. The wet noises and her devil's grunts were obscene.

“Yes…nngh, good pet…such a good pet,” Raphael uttered, unable to stop talking even with four fingers up his ass. “So eager to please me…that's it, yes. Like that…”

With her free hand, Tav reached around to grab his cock, fully erect and leaking precum. To do it, she had to press herself flush against him, the backs of his thighs scorching the fronts of hers through the thin dress she wore. She couldn't resist dropping open-mouthed kisses on his flesh. He tasted of sweat and spice, and the strange ridges of his infernal anatomy felt like soft cartilage in her mouth. He sighed so sweetly when she sucked on them. Her fingers on his cock squeezed and stroked, her intent to reach his glans and smear his precum around for lubricant, but Raphael snatched that hand and brought it to his face. His forked tongue - that dangerous thing of pure silver -  licked up the length of her palm and lathered her digits with hot spit, and when he deemed them sufficiently sloppy, he put them right back on his aching prick.

“Fuck,” Tav cursed breathlessly, resting her cheek between his wing joints for a moment. Heart in her throat, blood roaring in her ears, cunt slick. 

Remember. 

The devil chuckled, but it quickly dissolved into a low, rumbling moan when she made a narrow cage of her hand for him to fuck, to rut and rub his prick into like an animal; and that was exactly what he did, rolling his hips to alternate between pleasuring his cock and spearing himself on her fingers in his ass. Tav felt every flex of his spine, felt every drag of his foreskin and swollen vein and ridge on his cock, felt every clench and spasm of his rectum. Felt it when she found the spot she'd been looking for, soft and spongy beneath her fingertips. The sound Raphael let out as his big body jerked bordered on inhuman; his claws scratched at the wood of his desk, his wings flexed, his tail thrashed.

“There,” he hissed, “right there.”

Tav kissed and bit him as she ruthlessly worked his prostate. He barely noticed, his rutting becoming feverish, snarls and growls mixing with wet gasps, fast and shallow. His cock stiffening further, balls tight, Tav knew he was about to come. She awaited it with vicious satisfaction, wishing only that she could see his face as he unraveled, if his sharp features would twist as lovely as they did the night she rode him in flames. 

He finished with a shudder, a guttural choked groan, his head lolled back, wings spread wide. His inner muscles fruitlessly milked her fingers, his fat cock spurting ropes of hot cum all over her knuckles, his chest, the desk. His claws had dug deep gouges in the wood. In the aftermath he quivered, panting. Tav felt as though she couldn't catch her breath, either. Her forehead rested once again between his wing joints where she stayed, still holding his softening cock. It took effort not to sigh with him as she pulled out, giving his hole - bereft, wet, winking - one final gentle rub. Her wrist ached, her cunt ached, her heart ached (but only a little). 

[p-redux]

Well, folks, the day has finally come, I'm so angry about something, I can barely speak, let alone write. But write I will...

Here goes. I, Purv, in NO WAY, approve of Bcac's blog or her. It has come to my attention that after Bcac's account was deactivated by Tumblr and then quickly reactivated, she made this mention of me. 👇

First of all, what I said I said privately in a DM. If I had wanted to offer public support, I would have. I thought my DM conversations were private, apparently not. The person I DMed with has already apologized to me for betraying my confidence. Secondly, just because I said Bcac shouldn't lose her account does NOT mean I'm cool with her or her blog. I said in DM that I didn't think Bcac should have lost her blog, but because I think everyone should have freedom of speech, in general. That's it.

But now Bcac has taken what I said privately and weaponized it to try to legitimize herself with those other than the Sam-haters and Purv-haters she surrounds herself with. And THAT I'm VERY upset about.

Bcac has toned down her blatant displays of Sam hate because she realizes she has a captive audience of Sam fans who are waiting on his every move. And she provides that for them. But let me be VERY CLEAR, Bcac has disdain for Sam Heughan. And, she welcomes people who have disdain for him on her blog. And people who have disdain for me. She regularly commiserates with and allows comments from KNOWN Sam haters. They have harassed and bullied Sam and talked sh*t about the women he dates for years.

Here's a quick sampling of MANY examples, showing Bcac talking badly about Sam and allowing others to. 👇

Aside from the Sam-haters that Bcac welcomes on her blog, she also welcomes those who have made MY life hell for years and years. I recognize so many names from the past. People who harassed me all day and even tried to dox me. That's who flocks to Bcac's blog. Sam-haters, Purv-haters, don't be fooled thinking that's not the case. I can name names if anyone is interested in DM.

Bcac herself has talked sh*t about me privately and publicly on her blog. Here's a quick example of her making fun of me and also putting Sam down in the process. 👇

Here she is continuing to put me down, even making fun of my eye issues! 👇

Like I said, this is only the tip of the iceberg of Bcac and her followers mocking me. And she's toned it down significantly because she knows many of my followers now look at her blog too.

So, yes, I don't think Bcac should have had her blog deactivated, but ONLY because I believe in freedom of speech. Even for b*tches who talk sh*t about Sam and about me. And make no mistake, Bcac and her minions are b*tches. They're just hiding it better these days. Except for the blogger who shared my DM, she's not a b*tch. But I will be parting ways since I can no longer trust her. Silly me, I thought it was possible for someone to be best friends with Bcac and also be friendly with me. I should know better after 10 years in this Godforsaken fandom.

Tumblr only lets you post 10 pics, but if anyone is interested in more crap Bcac has posted about me or Sam, hit me up in DM, and I'll show you.

So, today is the day I draw the line in the sand. I don't want to ever hear Bcac's name or anyone associated with her. Why would I want anything to do with someone who puts me down? I'm not going to tolerate that. No one should. Soooo, anyone who is chummy to me on my blog, but then I get wind you're also chummy with Bcac, will get blocked. I'm done with this bullsh*t. I get it, she finds out Sam's every move and people want that info. So, go ahead and get it from her. But, you won't ALSO be able to stay on my blog. Am I making people pick sides? Absofuckinglutely. If that means I lose a lot of followers. So be it. I've decided I'd rather have no followers than two-faced people. I like Sam and I like myself. She doesn't like Sam and she doesn't like me. You can't be okay with her and her sh*t talking of me, and be okay with me. It's impossible. Simple as that.

Those of the more reasonable calm, Switzerland type personalities may not understand my choice. Those of the passionate, take a stand, have your back no matter what persuasion, will understand. Maybe it's my Italian blood, maybe, I've put up with too much betrayal and bullsh*t in this fandom. It is what it is. And what it is...is that I'll leave this post up for a few days for people to read it, and then I'll start blocking people. So, if you find yourself not being able to see my blog, you'll know why.

Again, this is not me being upset over some minor disagreement or Bcac constantly accusing me of stealing her stuff (funny, how a few days ago, SHE stole two exclusive pics I got of the Outlander cast at the Taylor Swift concert, but whatever), THIS is because she has said and says horrible things about me and about Sam. Obviously, she does it more in private now since she wants to keep her Sam fan followers. And so many eat her info up, not knowing she's secretly laughing about you in DMs with the Sam haters. I'm done turning a blind eye to it. And I want people to know how toxic she is to Sam. And to me. And that she used what I said about her blog in a very misleading way to make herself look good. "Look, even Purv thought I should have my blog back, I must be okay." Nope, don't get it twisted, sister. And the industry people in L.A. I know who know Sam personally were made aware a long time ago about all the Sam hate blogs, which means Sam was too. Those liking, reblogging, or commenting on Bcac's posts are guilty by association. JS.

For those who have supported me all these years, you mean the world to me. Loyalty is everything, so thank you. ❤️

PS. So much for not writing a long ass post. 🤷‍♀️

[skania]

OnK Chapter 152

Soooo as someone who reads this for Akane and for Akane only, I have to say that I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about her role in the upcoming arc.

We're entering the final arc and she has yet to get her second volume cover. If she doesn't get Volume 15 (and I'm praying she doesn't), then that should mean that whatever happens in the upcoming volumes (the final volumes!) will involve her enough to warrant saving her second cover to this late in the game.

We're entering the final arc and she just narrated the lead-up to it.

We're entering the final arc and it's happening right alongside the Second Season, which is the season that will cover most of Akane's important chapters. So if Aka wants to deliver parallels, then there's a lot of potential for Akane to be involved.

...Watch Mengo and Aka stick her on the cover of Volume 15 and call it a day 🤡 But for now, I'll keep praying that we get a Goro/Aqua cover so that Akane is free to be used in better volumes.

I don't have much to say about the chapter this time around. I think we all knew that Aka was getting ready to end the manga, so I for one was happy to see that we're entering the final arc. The sooner we're freed, the better!

It's hard to gauge how long this arc will be, but I'd bet on ~30 chapters plus an Epilogue Arc. Coincidentally, there are exactly 28 weeks left until Christmas. In the manga, they are in November right now and Kana's Graduation (the most important moment in the manga, apparently) will take place on Christmas. So I can totally see Aka wanting his fictional Christmas to happen during, well, Christmas.

If he does it, then we could be getting 3 more volumes worth of content plus 1 volume for the Epilogue. Maybe.

Or maybe he will try to rush it and end it even sooner so that whoever gets hurt gets hurt when the anime adapts Chapters 64 - 65. That would be so rushed even for his standards that it would be wild, but anything is possible when it comes to bad writing lmao

Leaving that aside, look at my girl.

I love her. I love her so much. She has got quite a few reasons to be making this face, IMO.

Ruby was able to find a peaceful way to have her revenge and is thus ready to start healing, and the answer she found is healing those around her, too. Like Gotanda and Kaburagi.

Ai's heart was presumably portrayed in an accurate fashion, which is sure to pull at her hearstrings.

And considering that Aqua was the one who edited the movie, I think it says something about his current disposition that he respected Ruby's take and left the movie as it is, so that may be giving Akane another reason to smile.

Speaking about Gotanda and Kaburagi, I feel like their conversation foreshadows a lot of what this final arc will be dealing with.

Making amends, overcoming regrets and moving towards the future...

... people lying to themselves and "bottling themselves up"...

yet still holding out onto hope, deep down, of being able to fulfill the dreams that they have been denying themselves of all along.

This comment in particularly reminded me so much of Aqua lol

Which takes me to: Aka's writing is so clumsy that his star changing colors every other chapter comes across as flip-flopping 😂

Back when his stars briefly became white only to turn black again, it served a purpose. It showed that while Ruby's words pacified the "Goro" side of him, he hadn't fully healed yet. If Aqua having his white star again is meant to signify that Kana's words managed to pacify the "Aqua" side of him, then... why in the world didn't we see his eyes go white last chapter? 🤡 If Kana is the reason why Aqua seems to have hopes for the future now, why not show it?

For my own sanity, I have to believe something happened in the time-skip. Maybe editing the movie was actually cathartic or something, who knows. I'm not even going to theorize anything about this, because the writing is giving me whiplash lmao so I'm just going to take a moment to point out that while Mengo took the time to give Aqua the haircut he is supposed to have here as per the prologue, she left out the piercing.

And I find that kind of funny, honestly, that this is where Aka seemingly draws the line. With all the stuff that Aka off-panels, Aqua getting a random piercing off-panel wouldn't have been shocking at all 😂

Another thing I found funny:

How many times does Aka need to repeat the same thing? Does he think our attention span is that short? 😭 Not to mention these words feel empty right now because he just went on a data with Kana with zero issue. Apparently, for Aka keeping his distance is only a thing if it involves making sure Aqua interacts with Akane as little as possible lmao

Oh, right!

How could I forget the big twist!

Wake me up when Kamiki interviews Akane 😂

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Actually this is a bug bear but I find the complaints about the Kal'tsit yapping to be missing the point extremely. When I see those I think about hbomberguy's Dark Souls 2 video and the brief tangent where he talks about the expectation for "efficient storytelling", and how it doesn't really matter if Kal'tsit's style of speech is meant to convey anything, she takes too long and says too many hard words.

But that's the point. Kal'tsit, especially when she is introduced, is a very mysterious figure who is clearly really important at Rhodes Island despite her nominal position as a member of the Medical Department. She plans strategies for Rhodes Island operations, she's been all over the world and has seen events you'd only find in the history books, and for a very long time there was only speculation that Kal'tsit was really old.

Talking to Kal'tsit is supposed to feel weird. She could make the effort to be more direct and approach where the Doctor needs to be at, but she doesn't! She hates us! She's still struggling with the fact that we killed Theresa and she now has to deal with us having no memories of much of anything. She can't kill us off because she knows that Rhodes Island would benefit from the Doctor's knowledge of Originium and tactical ability, and because she grows to learn that the Doctor is moving forward with being a new person.

So she makes it hard on us. She makes it clear as she talks to us that she is looking down on us. She is talking about concepts that are difficult to understand to parse, that maybe wouldn't be if we still had all of our memories back. She talks with the wisdom of someone who has been alive for over two thousand years, but also with the expectation that we need to just immediately get on her level. Giving us the information directly is going to help us and she's still kind of pissed. If you listen to her conversation with W in Chapter 13, she's a lot more direct with her intention and her word choice. She needs W to understand what the fuck she is talking about as quickly as possible. But the Doctor can struggle a little bit.

And, obviously, it's not just for this reason. The point of how Kal'tsit talks is to make her seem very odd compared to the rest of the cast. Dobermann speaks very harshly because the writers wanted her to sound like she came from the military, for a similar example. Kal'tsit talks at length, uses difficult to understand language, and often is quite indirect because its meant to enhance that mystery. People for years were dying to know what exactly was going on with Kal'tsit, and the way she speaks is absolutely part of that. She's an outlier in the cast for many reasons, and how she speaks is one of those.

So I find the criticism to be, frankly, awfully juvenile. It's not a bug, it's not the result of poor impulse control on the part of the writers. It serves a very obvious use.

[pickled-flowers]

Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone